#it was an Italian that hacked me as well

[spookyheaad]

Man y’know I WAS gonna draw some cute KenUno stuff & some Tesoro stuff and post but then my discord got hacked & money was taken from me. Already put in a dispute with discord I’m so fucking mad rn

[lovifie]

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Hi, this a post about callsigns characters could have because I love "cool" sounding nicknames with the most stupid backstory:

Rat: Because when you first entered the team you were so shy that when you weren't on a mission they could only see you scurrying out of a room whenever they entered like a little mouse. Plus, Gaz keeps saying you look like the rat from the Wallace and Gromit movie when eating breakfast.

Knockout/Knock: Because Soap and you were playing around, he was following you and you were running so fast you didn't notice the door was locked and you ran into it so hard you knocked yourself out.

Icarus: You made fun of Ghost for being British and about how they always burn when they tan only for you to go and get such an aggressive sunburn you were required to take medical leave for two weeks.

Pudding: After a mission you were craving it so bad that you didn't care that the only one left was way past its recommended date for eating. And after reassuring them that you would be fine you ended up throwing up so hard late at night that you woke up everybody.

Mole: Because when you are not wearing your glasses you are so blind they wonder how did you even made it into the military. Many people think you are just a spy that the task force kept as a pet.

Pierrot: Which is a sad clown, often pining for the love of Columbine, who usually breaks his heart and leaves him for Harlequin. And since that's basically a compilation of your love life that became your name, a sad clown but in Italian.

Anakin: You tried to download one of the Star Wars movies from a not-so-trustworthy website, you ended up downloading such a massive amount of viruses that you were almost the reason for the downfall of the whole military because of how aggressive the hack attack was. You now have parental control on everything that has internet access.

Navi: As in the fairy that travels with Link on the Legend of Zelda. Because every time that you would try to de-escalate an argument you would start like: "Hey, listen, we are all tired." "Hey, listen, let's all take a breath." "Hey, listen, we are all adults."

Gecko: Because while sleeping on deployment a gecko fell on your face from the ceiling, and you became so terrified of them that you barely slept for months after that.

Baby: Do you know when you accidentally call your teacher "mom"? Well, it happened to you, but you called Price "dad" and he didn't skip a beat before answering "Yes, babygirl?"

I could go on and on with these, I hope you find it at least half as funny as I do. Feel free to use them however you want and to add to the list as well, please I'll love to read them. 🩷🩷

Also, I would definitely be Mole, my blind ass would shoot and wish for the best. Which one would you guys be?? Also, Knockout and Icarus are my favourite ones and the reason I made the post hehe

Also, the rat I mentioned:

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[sleepisoverrated]

My headcanons about Dick Grayson

Dick Grayson is smart.

Like I hate it when they make him a dumb bimbo, he's hot yes he knows it, but he also has been hacking into the Pentagon for fun since he was ten, survived Spyral and several almost apocalypses. I know it's cannon since no Bat is dumb, but some fics, SOME FICS, make him look like he never went to school.

Dick Grayson knows so many languages.

I assume due to the fact that he grew up in a traveling circus he already knew a lot of languages(even if his english was bad when his parents died), but due to being robin and Bruce Wayne's ward he learned basically all major languages on Earth( and some alien) like Romani, German, French, Russian, English, Italian, Greek, Spanish, Irish, Finish, Japanese, Mandarin, Cantonese, Indian, Latin, backwards speech(Zatara), Tamoranian(i think that's how you spell it), Kryptonian, speedster(when speedsters talk super fast) and so on.

Dick Grayson has at least some immunity against Fear toxin(Ft), Joker venom(Jv).

And most of the other poisons due to constant exposure since he was 9, also when he was younger there were no antidotes for Ft and Jv so he learned how to ride them out without a sound. (You can't tell me it hasn't fucked him up somehow, like a 9 y/o being constantly exposed to these things HAS to have some consequences and while he has his immunity I also think he has extreme anxiety( like all the bats a.k.a. Bat paranoia) and constant panic attacks(next headcanon))

Dick Grayson is a master at controlling his body.

Besides the fact that he probably learned acrobatics before he could walk and was a stage performer(always smiled even if the performance got off the rails) I also think he has taught himself complete control of his body due to far too many close calls. He learned to control each muscle individually for combat under high-stress situations(where he most needs that control). This had a side effect of him being able to control his face muscle/expressions and body language. He became the best actor there will ever be, because he can keep a smile on his face even if he is in excruciating pain, he can look completely calm and relaxed even though he is having a panic attack and the opposite is true as well he can look completely terrified even though he is amused. Because of this you need to know him extremely well to tell if he's in distress(the only people so far are Alfred, Damian and Slade(he's obsessed))

Anyway if you want more of the headcanon's just say, Nightwing is one of my favourite characters I can rant about him much longer.

[winxwannabe]

Winx Season 9/Reboot Leaks

Okay here's the tea: earlier today a twitter user by the name of Cataclysm_Power started posting a video they claimed was from the new Winx season/reboot. When pressed for further information, they linked to a telegram chat with what appeared to be assets from Rainbow (17 screenshots/2 videos). After some C-grade internet sleuthing, I am here to give my (worthless and possibly wrong) opinion on which ones I think are real and fake.

A note before we jump in: I'm not posting full images on my blog, because again I do think some of these are real and if the leaker is to be believed, they hacked Rainbow to get them. You can look yourself through the telegram link, or others who've posted them on the Winx Club tag. I also think the leaker themselves is scammy because they've tried charging for Miraculous leaks before. Do NOT give them any money if they ask.

Real: Bloom, Stella, and Icy's asset sheets, Bloom Full Body Pose

A lot of these leaks are 3d modelling assets, and these 3 are the ones I'm totally convinced are real.

The biggest clue of their validity is the bottom banner. All 3 sheets have them, along with the same episode code and notes in Italian. They're all also linked to the same person: Pasqualino Masciulli is Rainbow's 3D modelling supervisor, and has been with the company for at least 9 years. He's done videos on Rainbow's youtube channel as well, using his shortened first name Lino. My main point is that's way too niche for someone to fake just to make some convincing leaks, and it would make sense for the assets to be tied to him.

Likewise, there's a full-body frame post of Bloom with fucking ugliest denim leg warmers credited to a g.riccobono. This is likely Giulio Riccobono, who is listed on Linkedin Italy as a Rainbow employee.

Probably Real: Tecna's asset sheet, Bloom's detailed asset sheet

Both of these are likely real but have weird things about them that make me pause. Bloom's more detailed asset sheet is missing the name, date and episode reference on it, and the notes are in English. Tecna's is missing the bottom banner entirely, and there's some weird cutting around her head that makes it look like someone hastily made a png and stuck it on there.

Unsure: Computer File Tab, MD Concept Photos, Videos

There's a screenshot of a folder with both 2D and 3D assets of all the girls. in the files. I'm not sure if this is from a computer at Rainbow or the hacker's personal folder, so it goes in unsure. I do think most of the assets in it are real - it's low res but the eyes on the 2D sketches are so similar to the ones on Rainbow's newer images of the girls I think they have to be connected.

There are also some full body concept photos for Bloom, Aisha, and Stella. They all look pretty legit (as they're updated version of images we've already seen) but Stella's has other images for 'possible pallets' included. She's the only one with it and the images look like they came from a flash dress-up game, and it gives me pause.

Lastly, the teaser videos of Bloom are probably real based on the outfit, animation and that stupid fucking Bloom shelf being in the background, but I'm placing it in 'unsure' because of the bandicam.com logo burned into the top. If it really came from Rainbow and everything else was downloaded, there was no reason for the hacker to not get the raw file. I think it's real, but I don't know if it came from Rainbow.

Something Ain't Right: Group Shot

What gives me pause in the fully-rendered group shot (even though its shown in the computer file tab) is it shows transformation we haven't seen teased and has a 'Lorem Ipsum' placeholder text. Aisha's hair also looks like it was done with AI - the back of her wings clip through the hair, and parts of it look copy-pasted. I'm stupid, it's the end of her braids. The 'Lorem Ipsum' thing still stands, but I'm re-filing this under 'unsure.'

Probably Fake: Darcy and Damien's asset sheets

I'm showing things from here on out because I'm so convinced it's fake please let me be right. Unlike the other character sheets, the ones for Darcy and 'new character' Damien have no bottom banner, are marked as 'Winx Club Season 9' with an outdated Winx logo, and have notes written completely in English. Darcy's has a bit of 3D modelling, but it's too different from Icy's. Maybe they're super early concepts for Darcy, but Damien...go home, buddy.

You're in the Wrong Place: Rainbow Pants Girl

I'm convinced this girl is from a different show and was saved to the 'Winx Club' folder by accident. Different clothing, hair, and shading. May you end up somewhere better than this reboot, Mystery Girl.

[theoihalioistuff]

Nurses and Caretakers of the Gods. Part II: Ares and Hephaistos.

(As always, if you know any more sourced versions, I'd love it if you let me know!!!) Part I here.

Ares:

A quick overview of versions of his birth: he is almost universally the son of Zeus and Hera both (e.g. Hom. Il. 5.893, Hes. Th. 922–923; Apollod. 1.3.1), though he is also attested as solely born of Hera (in response to the birth of Athena after touching a prodigious flower from Olenos: Ovid. Fast. 5. 255), solely born of Zeus (after drinking the "male begetting" waters of the Nile: Schol. Aesch. Suppliant Women 855–856) or born of Enyo (Schol. Il. 5.156, Cornutus. Greek Theology. 21, see bellow, Enyo is curiously also attested as an epithet of Hera in Tzetzes ad Lycophron 493 and 519, perhaps in an attempt to reconcile both accounts). He is frequently said to have been born and/or raised in Thrace (e.g. Statius Thebaid 4.786). A fragment from a lost play by Aeschylus seems to give us a description of his childhood:

DIKE: (...) Hera has reared a violent son whom she has borne to Zeus, a god irascible, hard to govern, an one whose mind knows no respect for others. He shot wayfarers with deadly arrows, and ruthlessly hacked ... with hooked spears ... he rejoiced and laughed ... evil ... scent of blood ... [Two lines unintelligible] ... is therefore justly called ..." – Aeschylus, Fragment 282 (the passage likely etymologises the name Ares from ἀρή [bane, ruin, curse]) vicious little psycho

1. Nursed by Thero (Beastly): "Of all the objects along this road the oldest is a sanctuary of Ares. This is on the left of the road, and the image is said to have been brought from Colchis by the Dioscuri. They surname him Theritas after Thero, who is said to have been the nurse of Ares. Perhaps it was from the Colchians that they heard the name Theritas, since the Greeks know of no Thero, nurse of Ares." (Paus. 3.19.7-8)

2. Nursed (among other things) by Enyo: "Accounts of Enyo differ; for some she is the mother of Ares, some his daughter, some his nurse" (Cornutus Compendium of Greek Theology, 21). Elsewhere she is also his sister (Quintus. Fall of Troy 424) or his lover, begetting Enyalios (Eustathius on Homer p.944) she is his everything, literally.

3. Raised and taught the arts of dance and war by Priapos (incredibly enough), a deity originally worshipped in the city of Lampsakos (in the northern Troad), who after spreading throughout the classical world was primarily known as a rustic god with massive genitals:

"According to a Bithynian legend, which agrees well with this Italian institution, Priapos, a war-like divinity (probably one of the Titans, or of the Idaean Dactyls, whose profession it was to teach the use of arms), was entrusted by Hera with the care of her son Ares, who even in childhood was remarkable for his courage and ferocity. Priapos would not put weapons into his hands till he had turned him out a perfect dancer; and he was rewarded by Hera with a tenth part of all Ares’s spoils." – Lucian, De saltatione 21

Hephaistos:

Versions of his birth are more or less split evenly between him being the son of both Zeus and Hera (e.g. Hom. Il. 1.578, 14.338, 18.396. Od. 8.312.) or solely of Hera (Hes. Theog. 929, Apollod. 1.3.5, Hygin. Fab. Praef.), likely in response to the birth of Athena, or else preceeding it due of an unexplained quarrel (Hes. Fragment 343 MW). Regarding detalis of his parthenogenic conception: "Hera, without any man, being lifted up by the wind gave birth to Hephaistos" (Lucian. De sacrificiis 6), and regarding details on the the birth, it's sometimes said to have been from her thigh (Serv. Aen. 8.454). A quaint tale that tries to reconcile both traditions (Schol.bT. Il. 14.296) claims that Zeus and Hera secretly slept together on the island of Samos before they were married. After being oficially given in marriage to Zeus (by Okeanos and Tethys), Hera bore Hephaistos, and to conceal their premarital dalliance she pretended that she'd birthed him without need of a father. Finally, odd genealogies abound (which I almost didn't include, e.g. Paus. 8.53.5 or Cicero. de Nat. Deor. 3.22).

1. In most accounts he's raised for nine years by Thetis and Eurynome, after being thrown off Olympos at birth by Hera for being lame (main source is Hom. Il. 18.394-405):

"She [Thetis] saved me when I suffered much at the time of my great fall through the will of my own brazen-faced mother, who wanted to hide me for being lame. Then my soul would have taken much suffering had not Eurynome and Thetis caught me and held me, Eurynome, daughter of Okeanos, whose stream bends back in a circle. With them I worked nine years as a smith, and wrought many intricate things; pins that bend back, curved clasps, cups, necklaces, working there in the hollow of the cave, and the stream of Okeanos around us went on forever with its foam and its murmur. No other among the gods or among mortal men knew about us except Eurynome and Thetis. They knew since they saved me." (Trans. Lattimore)

I ship them. Many later accounts confuse both versions of his fall (see below), and so sometimes Thetis and Eurynome recieve him after he's hurled off Olympus by Zeus, presumably as an adult (e.g. Apollod. 1.3.5). Also a variation is found where Hephaestus is raised by Thetis and the rest of the Nereids:

"But my son Hephaestus whom I bare was weakly among all the blessed gods and shrivelled of foot, a shame and disgrace to me in heaven, whom I myself took in my hands and cast out so that he fell in the great sea. But silver-shod Thetis the daughter of Nereus took and cared for him with her sisters: would that she had done other service to the blessed gods!" (Homeric Hymn 3. 311-330)

2. According to the other main variant of his fall, Hephaistos is hurled off Olympos by Zeus after he tries to intervene on his mother's behalf during one of their quarrels (Homer, Iliad 1. 568), presumably to save her from a beating (Plato, Republic 378d), or specifically to free her after she'd been chained and hung from heaven (eg. Apollod. 1.3.5). In this version he falls on the island of Lemnos, and is nursed back to health by the tribe of Sintians (V. Fl. Argonautica. 2.8.5, Hom. Il. 1.590 is quoted below):

"There was a time once before now I was minded to help you [Hera], and he [Zeus] caught me by the foot and threw me from the magic threshold, and all day long I dropped helpless, and about sunset I landed in Lemnos, and there was not much life left in me. After that fall it was the Sintian men who took care of me." (Trans. Lattimore)

As mentioned before both versions were frequently mixed up, being basically doubles of eachother (either Hephaistos is born lame and is therefore cast out, or he's cast out and therefore is lamed), so sometimes he is raised as a child by the Sintians (e.g. Serv. ad. Eclog. 4.62, where he is cast out by Jupiter because Juno rejects him at birth, and so comes to fall on Lemnos).

3. Finally, there is a version where he is entrusted by Hera to the obscure Kedalion, a daimon who had his workshop on the island of Naxos. Hephaistos apprenticed and learnt to work bronze under his tutelage (Eustathius ad Homer, Il. 14.296a). Elsewhere Kedalion is an assistant in Hephaistos' workshop, who is given as a guide to the blind giant Orion so that, standing on his shoulders, he may lead him to the Sun and be healed (Serv. Aen. 10.763, Ps. Eratosthenes. Catast. fr. 32, Orion = Hes. Ast. fr 4, Hyg. Ast. 2.34.3, Sophocles also told this tale in a lost satyr play that bore Kedalion's name).

[ssa-atlas-alvez]

it’s that one ‘anon’ with the super silly requests dropping in for the first time in a hot minute, i hope you’re doing well! currently having a great time catching up on all of the fics i missed.

as a request/suggestion may i propose to you: rossi pressuring hotch to try out online dating or some kind of online method of meeting someone to talk because he hasn’t dated anyone since haley, and he doesn’t really have friends outside of work. penelope overhears this and, being her slightly mischievous and incredibly smart self, works some of her magic to get him to match with a friend of hers who she just KNOWS would be the perfect fit for him. she’s completely right of course, but it does make for some interesting interactions when hotch finally introduces the person he’s been seeing to the team and penelope has to pretend she is 1. completely shocked that her best friend and boss are dating and 2. totally not responsible from their coincidental/miracle meeting (bonus if the reader figured out penelope had done something early on, so hotch and the reader already know and deliberately try to make her squirm) (male reader please)

Word count: 1096

Rossi had won the argument. After a week of pestering him, he had finally won and Hotch set up an online dating profile. 

“Nice to meet you,” You looked at the man in front of you. He was hot. 

You shook his hand with a smile, “You too,”

First dates were usually… awkward, to say the least, this one, however, went smoothly. You were in a nice Italian restaurant as you were getting to know each other. And, as it turns out, you had a lot in common: you both loved reading (particularly Stephen King), both your favourite Christmas movie was Die Hard - followed closely by The Grinch, you were both allergic to strawberries,  “So, what do you do?” You asked, curiously.

“I work at the FBI,” Hotch answered, “The Behavioural Analysis Unit,”

You nodded, “Wait, do you work with a Penelope Garcia?”

“I do,” Aaron nodded and you gave a small laugh. “Do you know her?”

“She’s my best friend,” You explain, “She convinced me to start dating online,”

“My friend Dave did the same to me,”

Your eyes widened and you grinned, “Did Penelope happen to be close by at the time?”

“I’m not sure, she came in a minute later,” There was a small pause, “She set us up, didn’t she?”

“She most definitely did,” You answered. “She probably hacked the website,"

“That wouldn’t surprise me,”

“I’m so having words with her…” You laughed nervously, “I’m so sorry,”

“Why?” Aaron asked, but smiling, “I’m having fun,”

“That’s good, because so am I,” You grinned. "We can't let her know that we know,"

Aaron nodded, "Sounds like a plan." 

"Are you ready to order?" A waiter asked, approaching the table. You and Aaron exchanged a look before nodding.

“What do you do job wise then?” Aaron asked, when you had both placed your order.

“I’m a grade school teacher,” You said with a nod, “Come to think of it, our jobs are quite similar,” Aaron gave a laugh, butterflies swarmed your stomach.

“I have a son, he’s in 1st grade,” Aaron said.

“Ah,” You said with a nod, before joking, “Enjoy it while it lasts,”

And that was how the night went, the pair of you talking and talking. Not noticing when people began leaving the restaurant, or when they started wiping down the tables to close. In fact, the only reason you did notice was because a waiter approached the pair of you, informing you that they were closing. You both apologised profusely as you pulled out your wallet to pay. After a heated debate on who would pay, you split the bill 50/50, each leaving a generous tip.  

And so, you reluctantly had to part ways. You made sure to give him your phone number, telling him to call you, before you left. 

When you got home, you text Penelope about the date, commenting on how well it went. She phoned you immediately and you explained how he was the perfect gentleman, how much you had in common, and how you were seeing each other again.

Dave grinned when he saw Aaron the next morning, a spring in his step and a smile on his face. "How was the date?" He asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

Aaron rolled his eyes briefly at the gesture, "It was good," He said, "We've got a lot in common and we're meeting up again next week," 

"Come Hell or high water I will get you to that date, Aaron," Rossi declared, Aaron laughed, cheeks feeling hot. 

The pair of you continued dating and you never seemed to get over the phase. Soon enough, Aaron was asking if you wanted to meet his team. Naturally you agreed.

"So, Aaron," Aaron turned to Rossi, knowing what was coming by the teasing tone of voice. "Will we be meeting this mystery man tonight?" 

The team gave an 'ooo', Aaron laughed as he nodded, "You will," He gave a groan when everyone cheered, eager to see who had made their friend so happy.

Aaron had told you to dress casual, so you did, blue jeans and a black t-shirt - both close fitting, but not as though they were going to rip if you moved. Even though Aaron had reassured you that you looked amazing, you couldn't help but clench the bottle of wine nervously as you walked up to the door. 

"Oh my God! (Y/N) what are you doing here?!" You turn to the voice, pretending to be shocked.

"Penelope?!" You both quickly embrace before turning to Aaron, "You know Penelope?"

"She's on my team," 

You turn to Penelope, "You know Aaron?!"

"He's my boss," 

"He's your boss?!" You exclaim.

"I was going to introduce myself but it looks like you're in the middle of something," A blonde haired woman said.

"No, no," Penelope said, turning to you, "Pretend you don't know me and carry on," 

"Oh, er, okay," You said, turning to Aaron with a shrug.

"Everyone, this is (Y/N). (Y/N), this is everyone." He said, "This is Rossi - or Dave, Morgan, Reid, JJ, Emily, and Garcia," 

You shook each and every one of their hands with a warm smile and a 'hello', Penelope included. "It's so nice to meet you," You said go Penelope who rolled her eyes at you with a smile. 

"I'm guessing you know each other?" Rossi asked sarcastically.

"Nope, never met," You said with a shrug, "Nah, she's my best friend," 

"I thought I was your best friend," Aaron joked. 

Penelope hit Derek's arm, "Did you hear that? Bossman just joked. I didn't know Bossman had jokes," 

You snorted, resorting in a half-assed glare from Aaron. Penelope went silent for a moment, studying you before her eyes widened. "Oh God, you know don't you?"

"Know what?" Spencer asked. 

"Yes, Penelope, we know," Aaron answered, Penelope covered her face and groaned, causing you to laugh. 

"I was so subtle!" 

"If you say so," You teased. 

"Slow down, what do you know?"

"That Penelope hacked the dating website so we'd match," Aaron answered, JJ and Emily shook both their heads with a smile. 

"You have a dating profile?" Morgan asked with a smirk.

You winked, "Not any more,"

"On a scale of one to ten how angry are you?"

"Two and a half," You answered, "I wouldn't have gone if you set me up on a blind date so I'm kind of glad you hacked it," 

Aaron grinned, snaking his arm around your waist. "Aww," Penelope looked at the sight in front of her. Her best friend and her boss. Wait. "Does this mean if you marry him you're going to be my boss-in-law?"

[ohwell-itsme-but-danganronpa]

Fake dating to piss off Shuichi's parents

Clown: Thinking about shuichi lamenting to his friends about his parents always needling him about a girlfriend/ getting a different job/ settling down. And he makes the vauge suggestion of considering taking anyone home just to shut them up And (maybe rantaro) goes "haha, I know someone who would make them lose their minds for like…30 dollars and free dinner" And it's Ouma It's always Ouma The first text he ever recieves from ouma is, "Soo…my dearly beloved to be, how bad do you want this to go?" "Absolutely horrid." "Splendid."

Checkers: He shows up in clown makeup pulls up to their driveway in his little clown car honks at then with his clown nose

Beez: oh you know what would be funny if shuichis parents had to take him w them to some kind of event or wtv n to make him not look like a loser they tell him he needs a date

Checkers: RUIN THEIR IMAGE jokes on them they’re the real losers here

Apollo: Kokichi makes little cue cards with all the problematic things he's learnt about Shuichi's parents and idly flashes them at random people to spread the news

Beez: HE DOES THE STUPID HIGH SCHOOL PRANK TAPING A PAPER ON THEIR BACKS "WE'RE SHIT PARENTS" Clown: He's causing scandals left and right

Dra: No but it would be so funny if he wasn't [wearing a clown nose] and still managed to get the sound by touching his nose/pl Clown: AJSGSH Its a skill!! Along with the several handkerchiefs he hacks up onto the floor

Apollo: Shuichi: WHY DIDN'T YOU WARN ME? Rantaro: Since when have my friends ever been normal? Clown: Rantaro is watching this from home. Sipping his tea as he watches the news roll in Dra: He complains but he actually loves it

Beez: they gotta pretend they like kokichi too they have an image to maintain they are so happy for their son and his ugly fucking boyfriend theyre serious Sini: They are so pro gay rights Clown: Their clenching their teeth so hard they bleed but "oohh they're sooo happy their son has found love" Apollo: Shuichi's embarrassed by the stories Kokichi is making up but seeing his parents in pain? It makes it the embarrassment worth it

Clown: I have the image of ouma stretching idly as he tell the reporter " Oh me? Psh! I'm actually an adult entertainer. Mhm! You won't believe how far the clown niche gets ya, mhm, real freaks out there. This? honk drives them bonkers. These kind folks are so understanding of my line of work!" He absolutely feeds a different story to every reporter

Apollo: Sure…People talk about what sort of…Things Shuichi are into considering his boyfriend says that sort of shit but hey…If it's pissing off his parents, he'll let Kokichi to claim to do whatever the fuck he wants He uses the fact he's multilingual to his advantage as well.

Sini: “These young celebrities are in love with me!” “One bad joke is all it takes, trust me” “These people have no humour! That’s humorous on its own, really! So charming” Clown: "Oh they've been sooo welcoming. They only tried to pay me off once?? Twice??"

Checkers: He’s reciting a waffle recipe in Spanish Reading out loud a Russian translation of My Immortal Clown: He's sobbing the entire time like its something emotional Apollo: He comes up with 'pet names' to use during interviews. The interviewers think it's super sweet…Until they see the comments pointing out that Kokichi was just saying random words Checkers: He is passionately defending pineapple on pizza. In Italian Clown: Omg, nicknames ranging from the classic "babe" to "my combusted inflamed refrigerator on wheels " And shuichi has to stutter his way through something equally as bad And yet the faces of pure rage on his parents face lend him strength he didn't know possible Apollo: Interviewer: Aww so sweet Interviewer, reading the comments: Why was he calling Shuichi a soda covered stress toy??? What is wrong with today's youth? [my reply to Apollo's message] that sounds kinky

Clown: I love the thought of this starting out as ouma leading the charge. He's throwing out ideas he hopes shuichi picks up. But as the night goes on the last remaining fucks shuichi gives fly out the window. And he is absolutely going all out. Ouma nearly stumbles in keeping up with the absolutely insanity shuichi has awakened in himself and he may be swooning Sini: HE’S CREATED A BEAUTIFUL MONSTER Apollo: Shuichi's gone from the awkward attempting to flirt back stage to the You're actually sorta cute so I'm going to put effort into this stage in like one night and Kokichi is shook Checkers: Saiharizz but it’s just unhinged insanity Beez: the most effective rizz on kokichi tbh Sini: Shuichi: evil unhinged laughter Kokichi: [heart eyes] “I will make my parents eat their own shit” “….So are you free later-?”

Clown: All it takes is realizing how afraid his parents are of breaking their facade and hes pulling ouma to the corner, absolute giddy realization happening in his anxiety ridden husk of a body as he frantically says "Did you see their faces?? Ouma did you see how mad they were?? Haha! Oh my god! They can't do anything to me. I can do anything" Apollo: Kokichi is internally screaming because holy fuck a cute guy just dragged him into a corner are they gonna kiss? No? Oh well, hearing him realise how he can do anything is just as good Me: this is a fake dating scenario, of course they're going to kiss, just not in a corner, that would be against the point, do it in front of everyone Sini: Kokichi: “I can fix him” Bitch, I did, and that was by making him worse Clown: He may be going mad with power Just a little Will shuichi regret this in the morning? He doesn't CARE. That's future him's problem. He's having FUN Rantaro is lowkey impressed by how fast Shuichi has managed to lose it Sini: Rantaro is dramatic [rolling eyes emoji] He’s fine. He’s his best self rn Ignore the maniacal giggling

Apollo: Shuichi manages to get his hands on some soda, something he's not allowed a lot so his 'teeth aren't ruined' or some bullshit…Man's on a trip Sini: He really is in his rebellious teen phase rn He will eat after midnight HA He will drink alcohol He will tag a building He will post embarrassing photos on a burner account

Apollo: Rantaro: What the hell Kokichi? Kokichi: It was one cup! Shuichi: [h y p e r]

Sini: “I feel so alive! Why haven’t I tried this before!? This is great! Fuck coffee, this is my life blood!” He’s been deprived Too much You give him a taste of something new and he goes wild

Clown: On one hand, shuichi has never looked happier, on the other, his eyes show a manic energy that is just a wee bit spooky Sini: Kokichi isn’t sure if he should be concerned or aroused Clown: Just one moment, a single moment for shuichi, grinning, tells ouma honestly "thank you for this" and its over for one kokichi ouma Sini: He is on the floor Shuichi is poking him

Me: sugar rush Shuichi just dips Kokichi and kisses him while showing a middle finger to the camera Clown: Shuichi offers a very nervous peck on the cheek initially and by the end he's dragging ouma halfway over the table to kiss him passionately on the lips in front of his parents

Clown: The aftermath may be less fun But it was so worth it Sini: It’s like a hangover lmao Wtf did he do last night? Clown: He wakes up feeling empty, shakey, strangely shirtless in a bed he doesn't recognize, theres a lingering feeling of impending dread and his phone is buzzing nonstop. Still. He feels so satisfied with himself. He smells like grape soda Sini: He smells like….Him Clown: YES. That and he's blanking on the memory of him toppling over the soda tower at the end of the night Apollo: He sees Kokichi and internally freaks out because What the fuck did we DO? but he then learns when he fell into the soda tower, his shirt got all gross and Kokichi being the everloving boyfriend he is, washed it…Well got someone else to wash it but yeah

Clown: Reality may be creeping up on him in the background but the phones been chucked to the side for now Ouma grins at him and goes "I never got the dinner you promised" and shuichi grins back Apollo: They're fucking dorks. Meanwhile, the Saiharas are attempting damage control, Shuichi's uncle is supportive but also god damn it did it have to go like this and the internet is fucking blowing up Clown: Need Miu to be watching her daily drama channel in the morning with a bowl of cereal and the first thing she sees is ouma's face and she does a spit take Apollo: She starts ringing him but he's not paying attention Clown: Kaito minding his buisness when he sees "Former child actor gone rouge" and it's just shuichi cackling maniacally Apollo: Kokichi is hovering in the background all smug like, dressed in the most horrible outfit despite the stylists trying to make him look nice. Clown: He loves to watch the world BURN From a distance, as shuichi and him take the time to tentatively start to know each other in the aftermath Sini: More so Shuichi causing the world to burn Me: Me: some paparazzi takes photos of them on that dinner they go out on and the relationship gets solidified in the media's eyes Clown: YES. If someone spreads a picture of them at some run of the mill diner in the morning for some breakfast. Hair unbrushed. Ouma still has remains of clown makeup. Shuichis eyeliner is smudged all over. Shuichi is shoving a cinnamon roll into oumas mouth mid rant with the biggest smile on his face.

Apollo: Maki, waking up because her Ouma Sense is going off: Who has that brat gone after this time? Maki knew Shuichi would be getting a fake date for some event. She switches on the tv, sees the bastard of the orphanage she grew up in and just turns it off Shuichi says he wants to introduce Kokichi to his best friends and he and Maki lock eyes. Kokichi: ["*chuckles* I'm in danger." gif]

Clown: She can't be too mad!! Look at shuichis face!! Thats pure joy right there!! Maki begrudgingly accepts and oumas like" sOB I knew you loved me!!! " Apollo: She does hit Kokichi over the back of the head later and then gives him a shovel talk. Shuichi is confused when Maki hands him one of those backpack leash things Clown: Maki, deadpan,"you'll need it." Me: she's a little confused about who needs a leash atm

Clown: I am thinking of the end of the night immeadiately after. Shuichi did not expect to go that far. And as he's calming down. The jitters come back. His phone is a death sentence. He's obsessively waiting for the ringing to start.

Ouma leads him to the bus stop, shuichi drove them there but its just not the time. Ouma wants to live thank you.

Drenched in sweat, and soda, and oumas pockets being stuffed with cake they ride together silently. Shuichi barely even thinks to ask where their going. Reloading his notifications again and again.

Shuichi is hugging his knees. He barely remembers sitting on oumas bed. He's still hugging his knees. "I-" he breaks out into nervous giggles, "I screwed up didn't I?"

And kokichi sighs, it's silent between them before kokichi erupts into laughter. "You were amazing!" He insists, and he's so absolutely giddy. Nearly in awe. It's hard for the doubts to eat at him when ouma looks at him like he hung the moon and the stars. "You were amazing."

And ouma teases him relentlessly, and shuichi is too busy being embarassed to let himself fall into regret. He ultimately falls asleep peacefully in a bed that isn't his and ouma yawns and steps away to sleep on the couch.

Bonus:

Beez: saiou pulling fake proposals in restaurants to get free dessert thats it Hina: Kokichi initiates them Shuichi tries for real and Kokichi thinks he's joking Beez: damn the dessert must look good if shuichis the one proposing for it Ves: they just move on shuuichi thinks they're engaged kokichi thinks he was doing a bit Me: 1) do it AFTER they're married 2) have their actual proposal in privacy, duh. I think they would prefer that anyway This is the sequel movie to the fake dating to piss off Saihara's parents romantic comedy Ves: but the comedy Me: Adam Sandlers plays Kokichi Ves: im imaging him in a terrible purple wig now why would you say that Well, it would be more of his type of deal to play Shuichi, since this makes Kokichi the love interest while he is the protag Beez: alternatively someone they know goes into the restaurant theyre at n witness a proposal so they go over to congratulate them but saiou r like shit [eye, mouth, eye emojis] Me: Ha! Deserved

[devotioncrater]

@realbeefman here's a snippet of a scene!!! if you got any constructive feedback let me know?? ty!!!

fic premise: wilson's POV, set during mid-late s2 while they live together. house and wilson enter into a bet about sleeping together. this scene happens after the bet is made, but before they get physically intimate

It’s been more than a decade since they’ve met, and Wilson can count on one hand how many times they’ve been inside of a Wegmans together.

Seeing House against the backdrop of a pasta aisle feels out of place in the same way Sound of Music would feel out of place if it'd been set outside of Austria. Certain people in certain places just don't make sense. Maria in, say, the dunes of the Sahara; and House under fluorescent lighting surrounded by food that needs to be cooked beyond a microwave.

“Farfalle,” House says way too loudly. Dried pasta rattles inside their blue box when he shakes it. “What an unoriginal name for a stupid looking pasta.”

“Yes, because Italians aren’t known for their naming skills,” Wilson replies with a tone as dry as desert air. It’s not his best bitchy response, but he can live with it. He’s only half-listening to him anyway. Where the hell are the San Marzano cans?

“That one Mafia patient of mine would kill you for saying that.”

“As opposed to your blasphemous stance on Farfalle? I doubt it. Hey, do you see any big yellow cans over there?”

“No cans. Why are we here, Wilson? The freezer aisle is over on the other side.”

Sun-dried tomatoes, crushed tomatoes, diced tomatoes. Cans cans cans yet none of them are what he’s looking for. Wilson picks one up, stares at it for a second, then puts it back. Damn. “For being a doctor, you sure don’t value nutrition.”

House shakes another blue box full of dried pasta. Acts such like a petulant child that the two elderly men nearby shoot him an annoyed look. “Diagnostics is in another league. Besides, in my professional opinion, nutritionists are on the same playing field as shrinks.”

“So…doctors you should see.”

“Hacks!”

Wilson half-turns, frowns at House, and takes in his antics. House isn’t even looking at him, instead he juggles two large, yellow cans. Figures. The bright lighting glints off of his cane’s handle. The shorter of the two men grumbles something to the other. And it’s withering, the look that the taller man shoots Wilson from underneath his big, white, bushy eyebrows.

The half-full basket in the crook of Wilson’s arm grows heavier. So heavy that it threatens to tire him out to the point of falling onto the polished, checkered, concrete epoxy floor. With any luck, he wouldn’t get up. Ever. At all.

“Sorry,” Wilson apologizes to the men, who only grumble further. To House, he says, “You said there were no cans.”

“Everybody lies.”

“About medical histories and how they got sick, yes. But about cans?”

House shrugs. Still concentrating on the San Marzanos spinning in the air, he deflects, “I bet you seventy-five I can toss these bad boys into our basket.”

“No. House, come on. You’re not twelve.”

“Get ready —”

“House —”

“One, two —”

“If you throw them, I’ll move out,” Wilson threatens. It’s a lie. There’s no way he’s going to. But it’s a lie spoken with firm conviction, so. For all House knows, he’s being serious.

Strangely, the lie does get House to pause mid-motion. “You’re bluffing.”

“I promise you that I am not.”

House huffs, shoots the two grumbling men a Can You Believe Him? look. But he comes over next to Wilson anyway, cans in hand, and places them nicely into the basket. There’s a gleam in his eye — one Wilson instinctively knows doesn’t bode well for himself — and before Wilson can register what’s happening, House turns to face the elderly pair. “Marriage is a scam,” he tells them. “He never lets me have fun anymore.”

Mortified, wishing the floor really would swallow him whole, Wilson opens his mouth to set the record straight when House escalates it by wrapping an arm around Wilson’s shoulders. Which feels…nice. Fitted and warm like how indie love songs paint it out to be. 

Not that Wilson’s in the teenage girl habit of conceptualizing his and House’s friendship as indie love songs. No way. If anything, their thing would fall more in line with, say, prog rock. Intricate, hard to pin down, experimental at times. Fantastic guitar riffs. And yet it’s still reliably within the rock genre. No where near indie.

So, yeah, House’s arm feels possessive when wrapped around Wilson’s shoulder. And, sure, House’s chest feels sturdy under his faded shirt from where Wilson barely presses his palm against the cotton. And, fine, Wilson molds right into House’s side as if those Ancient Greeks were right about soulmates being split into two bodies. Sue him for finding the physical contact nice; Wilson will call his best lawyer.

Or it would feel nice if this wasn’t some sort of reactive humiliation thing. 

Or if it would feel nice if House didn’t plant a kiss on the top of Wilson’s head as part of the aforementioned humiliation thing.

[thomase1]

Two broken make a whole; chapter 2

Series masterlist Full masterlist

Took me long enough to update, I know. Just have not ended up the happiest with this chapter and ended up overthinking it. Sorryyy 💜

I did get some help though.

Thank you @crzyplantladyvibes for your incredible help! I dont think this would be postable if it werent for you!

Warnings: talk of past mission, talk of past injury, Tony beeing a bad teammate, humour, angsty thought and feeling from our girl. We will be starting to cut into her past.

Wordcount: ~2.300

Deviders by @harlequin-hangout

The days following Thor and Loki’s arrival were relatively quiet. You didn't see them around much and soon you had to go on another mission. It would be an easy one, just some undercover work to get data from an organization trying to bring down the whole justice system.

As is often the case, it sounded more exciting in the briefing than it actually was in the field. After hours of surveillance, you were beginning to regret the career choices which landed you here, bored as heck, sitting at a window with Clint, not that you mind missions with Clint. He is competent and pleasant, but Tony, on the other hand, that’s another story.

He was supposed to be your ride along today, but 'thankfully' Pepper broke her arm by falling down the stairs. Not that you didn't feel bad for her, but if Tony had come along, you might have broken his. On your last mission with Tony, he’d bossed you around while frolicking about in his suit, not even bothering to tell you about the group of Chitauri heading straight for you. You were left fighting 8 Chitauri, Tony's cocky remarks about your defense ringing through the comms, only stopping when you nearly got killed. He didn't just take them down and get on with it, oh no, not Ironman. He had the audacity to make a show out of it, pirouetting around and landing with a bow while you had a bullet shatter your shin. You would have killed him on the way back home if you hadn't been in so much pain, because even then he didn't stop; no, he told you it was your fault for not paying attention to your surroundings! He, who was 30 feet in the air with a perfect view of everything, told you, who was down, enclosed in the forest, you did not pay enough attention to your surroundings. After two surgeries and 5 months off missions, when you finally recovered you avoided missions with Tony.

You rested your forehead on the windowpane and groaned. After 12 uneventful hours, even Clint ran out of easy going jokes, the both of you so bored you could barely stay awake. Thankfully, around hour 15 you finally spotted your target. In a matter of minutes, the 2 of you subdued the target, used his fingerprints to access the building, hacked the mainframe, obtained some vital intel, and planted a crippling virus. One short flight later and you were back at the tower; you weren't even gone a day.

Back at the tower, you’d wandered to the common room for some water and a post-mission snack when you spotted Thor.

"Hey Thunder, you all settled in yet?". You walked up to him, giving him a small side hug.

"I am indeed. I even got a chance to talk to Jane." He smiled from cheek to cheek, and you elbowed him affectionately.

"Awesome! What did she say? Did you talk it through?"

"Yes”, he nodded enthusiastically. “She’s even letting me take her out to dinner tomorrow!"

"Daaaamn, what do you have planned?", you plopped on the couch, looking at him expectedly.

"Well, I- must admit I did not think that far ahead.", he mumbled, sitting down too.

"What? Dude, you gotta choose a restaurant at least! This is New York, all the good ones are probably booked already! What does she like?"

The chances of him getting a table at a good restaurant, in New York, on a Saturday at dinner time are slim. Even as Thor.

"Pizza! And pasta. And those little doughy triangles filled with... stuff.". He was thinking so hard you could almost see his brain spasming.

"Samosas, got it. So, Indian and Italian food. Alright. What time do you guys meet?"

"7:30." He answered and you got your phone out, already looking for restaurants. After a lot of calls, pleading and the exaggerated use of Thor's name, you got them a reservation at a highly rated Italian place. Giving him the address, you continued,

"And what will you wear?"

"I do not know. But I am guessing my usual attire is not suitable."

"No, as much as I love your Asgardian battle armor, which isn't really a date night outfit. Do you own a suit?"

"I used to, but I sold it at the charity event," he hangs his head.

"Ah, yes. Well, you need a suit. You’ll have to buy one, which, with your physique, it could be challenging to get one off the rack."

"I could ask Loki to conjure one for me."

"Oh, right, he can do that too- ok, so that's settled." Caught off guard by the mention of Loki’s name, you thought, shit, I really need to do something about this growing interest in Loki.

 “Thank you for your help with the restaurant. I will go see Loki about my suit. I can’t wait to see Jane tonight.” You murmured an appropriate response of some kind, distracted by imagining Loki in a well-tailored suit. You shook your head to clear your thoughts and made your way to your room for the evening.

                   

The next day passed slowly as you updated mission reports. Clint didn’t help with any of the documentation, but he was a pleasant distraction with his jokes and stories. You stared at your computer, bored out of your mind.

"Miss L/n, mister Odinson requests your presence in his quarters", Jarvis announced.

"Oooooh, did I miss something?" Clint teased, making a kissy face. You slapped his arm.

"No, stop it! He is taking Jane out to dinner today, I bet he wants my opinion on his suit." You got up, hearing a "Yea sure! Use protection!" behind you.

"Shut up Katniss!", you shouted back. As soon as the elevator doors opened to the living quarters, you heard shouting.

"I asked you to give me a suit! This is not a suit!", Thor shouted.

"I thought you wanted something that fits you, I gave you just that!", Loki retorted sharply. You walked faster, fearing an escalation.

"So, this is what you think of me? I look as if I've been through a cheese grater!" You heard something break which had you sprinting through the corridor.

"Stop breaking my things! I just got that table!", Loki yelled, really fired up.

"Don't act like you can't conjure another one right now!" You arrived at their sitting area and ran through to Loki’s room.

"Stop fighting guys, what's the- What the hell?", you questioned, seeing splinters of wood strewn throughout the room and Thor clothed in God-knows-what. It's just a shirt and jeans, but with more holes than fabric. You don't even know where Loki got that outfit inspo from. Half his ass is hanging out from the pants!

"Look at this abomination of attire!", Thor whines, tugging at the hem of the shirt.

 "Yea that's not... Please, can you give him a suit? It's really important.", you plead with Loki. He looks so handsome with his hair freshly washed, all floofed up. You bit your lip subconsciously as you took in his forest green tunic and dark pants, which clung to him in just the right places. He follows your gaze, smirking devilishly, making you drop your eyes to the floor, cheeks heating up ferociously. Your blushing went unnoticed by Thor, but Loki had seen it and mentally cataloged it as something to explore further in the future.

"I think I can do that, Agent.", he looks at Thor and with a single hand movement and a green spark, Thor is wearing a suit. Only...it’s the ugliest suit you've ever seen. It's neon yellow with a checkered pattern and a blue dress shirt underneath; the clashing colors are awful.

 "What is this yellow monstrosity?! Change it, right now!", Thor bangs his fist into the wall, putting a crater into the solid bricks.

"Hey! Stop it, you buffoon!", Loki spits, rage flaming in his features, though you wonder why he is mad. He is the one fucking around with Thor’s patience.

"Thor! Tony is gonna kill you, please, calm down. We will solve this just- please stop destroying things. And you'', you turn assertively to the angered Loki, "give him a nice suit. This is important for him; can't you just help him?"

Both of them look at you like a deer in the headlights.

"Fine.", the blonde haired god calms down, "But he will change me this instant. And properly this time.", he pouts. Loki sighs loudly.

"Alright.", he snaps his wrist again and Thor wears another suit, "Happy now?". You give Thor a once over, considering the new attire. It's a perfectly fitted, cool toned grey suit, with a light blue dress shirt and deep blue tie.  

"Very nice. Blue is a good choice, goes well with his eyes. Thank you."

Thor pats himself down, feeling the fabric,

"Thank you, brother. This one is rather nice."

The raven haired god nods,

"Very well. Would you mind? I have some renovations ahead.", he gestures to the door.

You tug at Thor's arm, steering him towards the door, "Bye Loki.".

"Goodbye, Agent.", he smirks, closing the door behind you.

After that you helped Thor prepare for the date, reassuring him. You sent him to the florist across the street, telling him to get a bouquet of whatever flowers he thinks she might like. He came back with powder pink roses.

Finally back in your room, you flop onto your bed and your thoughts begin to spiral down an unwelcome path. You usually try to stay busy, but sometimes you can’t stop the questions. There is just so much about your life you don't know, don't remember. Will you ever find your story, or will you die, taking the uncertainty to the grave? You've done what you could, tracing back the steps. but it only brought you back to hydra. Going back to the hydra facility you’d called home was a bust; it was completely vacant. No traces left behind, only the card deck you and the others used to entertain yourselves with.

When it was finally time for him to go, you went over everything again, adjusting his tie and reminding him of the address to the restaurant. You've got a good feeling about this; Thor and Jane are good people. They are heroes. They deserve to be happy.

You long for more than boring missions and futile searching into your past. When will you finally allow yourself to feel loved? It’s stupid, making yourself suffer, trying to pay the price for the path left behind. You know your lonely penance won’t change a thing, but getting to live a life filled with love just feels wrong. After all you've done, it's simply not right; you don’t deserve happiness.

You wonder what happened to your few friends back at hydra. Were they killed because of you? Because you choose life? Maybe you don't want to know. The slip-n-slide of overthinking got you again and you know, if you don't get off that ride right now, you won't be able to stop for hours.

You decide to text Taylor and Kenma, your two best and only friends, outside of the tower at least. Taylor does not take long to respond but declines, saying Sean, his boyfriend, had already something planned for today. It's a common occurrence, ever since they started dating, meeting him became a rare occurrence. Sean is a horrible person, but Taylor loves him far too much. He just can't get himself to end things.

A bit later, Kenma texted back but she is at work, nightshift. Damn it.

"Jarvis, who is in the Tower right now?", you say to the ceiling.

"Mister Laufeyson is in his private rooms, Doctor Banner is in his laboratory alongside mister Stark."

"Ask Stark and Banner if it's alright if I join them, please.", you sigh.

You really hoped Nat was home, or that either Scott or Clint was here since they never fail to crack you up.

"You are welcome to join them."

"Thanks Jarvis."

In the lab, you find them bickering about technology to add to the suits of some teammates, including you. So, in the end, you put in your suggestions too, helping create them.

Yours got more protection, it's fire resistant now and has even more pockets to store little items in. And they even built in an extra one for throwing stars, your "last resort" weapon. Never used them in battle, but in an emergency they’re better than nothing.

When night fell, Tony went home, and Bruce fell asleep on a pile of fabric samples. You went back to your room. You tried to sleep, you really did, but you just couldn't. So, you ended up thinking about him. Loki. Why must that tunic of his be so tight? You saw every ridge of his abs, every line on his chest. And those pants and that smirk. Ugh, did he see me blushing?! Oh, so what if he did? And his hair, Thor must have interrupted his brother after a shower, but you are kind of grateful for it. He looked adorable with his hair all floofed up. 

Do gods have bad hair days? Thor certainly does, you know that for a fact. Tony once straightened his blonde locks out while he fell asleep after a mission. Tony made sure to do an awful job. The result was a lot of yelling, gloating laughter and a broken elevator door. Ahh, fun times. If Loki has had a bad hair day, you sure haven’t seen it, at least not yet, you thought mischievously.

Everybody that wated to get tagged on tbmaw: @fictive-sl0th @vbecker10 @fictional-hooman @mischief2sarawr @maple-seed @tessathechild @mochie85 @holdmytesseract @theaudacitytowrite @gigglingtigger @peaches1958 @marygoddessofmischief @goblingirlsarah @oceandeepthirst @lokisgoodgirl @fallenlostarchives @kalinaselennespeaks @bloodlust-princess @assemblingavengers @loki-n-hvitserk @crzyplantladyvibes @slytherclaw1227

Normal tags: @their-love @vickie5446

[sayitaliano]

Salutare, saluti, salute!

"Salutare" in Italian can work both as an adjective and as a verb. As an adjective: salutare = healthy. As a verb: salutare = to cheer, to say hi/by, to salute. This last English verb, "(to) salute", is a false friend of the Italian feminine noun "(la) salute" = health.

We also use to say "salute!" to someone who sneezed (it works as "bless you". HERE WHY - *) or when we celebrate and we hit each other's glasses full of champagne... well, spumante ;) (It's our way to say "cheers!", together with "cin cin").

Adding to this that the English (military) noun "salute" translates as "(il) saluto" (masculine version), but we call "(il) saluto" also a simple "greet" or "farewell". We also use to write "saluti" (=greetings) when we send postcards to family and friends. (MORE HERE).

*Italian hacks: if you want to be "funny", you can answer either "mica tanta" (=not that much) or "che se ne va" (=that is going away/leaving me). These both refer to the "health!" someone just yelled at/wished to you.

[r6-unifiedlands]

Forgive and (not) Forget

[Jamison "Stena" Harmonics, Maxim "Kapkan" Basuda, & Emil "Fenrir" Svensson]

Summary: News of Fenrir's arrival after Brava's mission reached a certain bedridden Russian, and Kapkan invited the Swede to meet him coincidentally.

A/N: It took me several writer's blocks to finish this fic btw.

It’s been a few days since Fenrir was found during Brava’s mission.

Although he couldn’t see the whole interrogation of the Swedish chemist due to his bedridden state, Jamie managed to get Grace to hack a couple of CCTVs inside the interrogation room to check the situation without having to get up. The fee was enough to drain his wallet, but anything for his personal gain.

The first thing that he noticed was the pale skin, complemented by his long, messy hair, a colour as dark as charcoal, slicked back to make use of his eyesight. Dark bags under his clear blue eyes, slightly darker colour than Elias’ baby blue ones. Unfortunately, the bulky, tech-like upper suit that he’d been wearing hid most of his physique. He could’ve judged the overall mass of his body.

Harmless, that was his quick conclusion about this “Fenrir” guy. Just a guy who made some irreversible mistakes and is trying to redeem himself.

[He’s bad at judging people, but mistrust is costly, and he wouldn’t be able to extract the information himself if he kept his doubt at the moment. Well, as soon as he’s no longer in this stupid white cot, anyway.]

Maxim was kind enough to visit him daily, reporting to him about today’s training outcomes or gossiping about things that happened in the base. Sometimes, he sneaked in alcohol and got themselves drunk until the older Russian got chased out by one of Rainbow’s medical personnel, and he laughed it all out loud, definitely not sober.

[One time, he came into the room with blood draining from a large cut on the side of his head and claimed that a stray metal debris flew during a breaching simulation, and he wasn’t careful enough to avoid the shrapnel. When the older Russian saw how worried Jamie became, the stoic face softened and ruffled his hair. “I’ll be alright, Братан. Worry about your shattered legs first, okay?”]

Today, Maxim came a bit later than usual, still in his combat uniform. His face was still as stoic and unreadable as usual, but Jamie could feel slight tension coming from the older man. Should he probe him?

“It’s about Fenrir.” Maxim's rough voice almost startled him. “The American let him join Redhammer. Not little people like the decision.”

Fenrir. Right. The ex-Keres Legion. “Who? How much?”

The other took his seat at the usual place, a plastic armchair. The one that would break if you move too much. “The Arabics, minus the giant. The Italian girl as well.” He hummed. “I think that one too. What’s his name again? Jacky or something.”

“Jackal? Hell, even Ryad??” The Spaniard man was not the nicest around and could be quite snappy during trying times, but he was one of the people who helped him integrate into Rainbow. He’d seen that man talking to a body double of a mannequin while sipping his God-knows-how-much coffee at three in the morning, though.

Maxim leaned back, gaze hidden under his hood, intent well hidden. “I do not mind Fenrir. He’s a great soldier and an important informant for us.” He started, “Jordan asked me to watch over him around the base and for him to get to know the people. Everyone had been staring at us. At him.”

“I thought he would not mind. But I can see it on his face.” The hardened face softened. “His regret, his panic. It came out so sudden. It was… something. I had to put him close to me for most of time. ”

 This was one of the rare times Maxim actually sympathized with someone outside of the Russian circle. A surprising outcome, but good.

“You like him?”

“A little bit.” A small shrug. “He reminds me of a puppy. The kind that would run around the streets and hide to avoid animal control. He’s scared of strangers with ill intention and wary of people that wanted to help him.”

One more thing that he knows about Maxim is that he’s a hunter. Observing wildlife and animals to read their body language is a part of his skill set. His calm nature and stoic expression are the marks of the experience he had both in the cold mountains and harsh city life during his undercover time. Jamie trusted his animal metaphors a lot.

“Poor guy.” Jamie straightened up his back, frowning a bit. He forgot he couldn’t wiggle his toes for the time being. “Now that you’re here, where is he?”

“He–”

The clinic door slid open, and hot air blew inside the cooler room, carrying the scent of rusted metal. From the corner of his eyes, he could see the familiar tech-like upper suit peeking from the gap, then the messy mop of jet-black hair. 

Fenrir. In the flesh.

“Emil, good to know you can find your way here.” Maxim shifted his sitting position, leaning closer to Jamie. “Meet my friend. This is Stena. You can call him Jamie.”

The closer he looked at the clearly sleep-deprived man, the more he could see him in more detail. The thick bags under his eyes were bigger than the time he saw him on cams. Tired, half-lidded eyes cautiously scanned his surroundings. Slicked-back bangs that made the hair look puffier, like a maned wolf’s coat. There’s a trace of shaved facial hair on his chin, all the way to the top of his lips. Is the hard piece part of his uniform detachable? What’s the meaning of the three crowns engraved on the hard armor piece?

“–and that’s why he’s been staying here. It’s a common thing.” Maxim’s barks of laughter brought the young Russian back to reality. Fenrir had sat beside his senior, taking a noticeable distance from his cot. “He has a reckless spirit. Too bad I need to watch over his ass, or this would happen again.”

“It’s nothing, really!” Jamie exclaimed. “I’m glad Jordan and Ash didn’t get too much damage. They’re the core of Redhammer, after all.”

Maxim frowned. It’s not the good kind. “Ah. With that attitude, you would not be able to protect the little jackrabbit, Братан.”

[The image of Reth’s bloodied, limp body burned into his mind like a curse. Burn scars littered half of her petite body. Small shrapnels dug their way deep into the flesh. He could still remember the sickening smell of burnt flesh and gunpowder. Her little smile peeked from the corner of her mouth, telling her older brother that she didn’t like seeing him getting all sappy in a soft, raspy voice.

Her hands were smaller than he’d expected. He never noticed it during their first time meeting after years of living separately on different continents. He squeezed her hand gently, and it didn’t squeeze back.]

It took all of his willpower not to retort back, biting his tongue in the process. “I trust her. I trust Ghosteyes’ medical workers and Sir Fisher’s promise to care for her.”

“I know, I know.” A gloved hand found its way on top of his head. It was warm. “Your sister is a stubborn jackrabbit. Cav and Zero know their stuff.”

“Jackrabbit?” Fenrir, or rather Emil, raised his hand slightly. “Who’s that?”

“He meant Operator Espion. She’s my little sister.” There was a slight sense of pride blooming inside of his chest when he heard Reth’s codename out of his own mouth. “We’re blood-related, and she’s the one that has my Pa’s brain. A smart kid. You’d get along with her when she recovered from her injuries.”

Emil hummed, nodding in understanding. “Now, how are your condition?”

“They’ll remove my casts tomorrow, and then I’ll undergo physiotherapy to strengthen my thighs again.” He wiggled his feet, wrapped in thick plaster. “When I saw the rontgen picture of my shattered legs, it was kinda life-changing.” He let out a small chuckle.

“Never thought your legs would be into pieces like paper shreds,” Maxim added.

Laughter echoed through the medical room, and it came from Jamie himself. “Dude, even Gustave scolded me not to jump into the explosion! He said I was lucky my legs were still salvageable enough that they didn’t need to put rods and plates for extra support.”

“Ah…” Emil’s expression soured, lowering his gaze. “I’m sorry about your injuries.”

“It’s all good, really!” There was a tinge of worry from himself towards the Swede, so he gave the other a small smile in an attempt to reassure him. “You didn’t cause the injury. I was just being a tad bit reckless during the mission.”

[“Goddamnit– James, don’t come here!” Reth screamed out, throwing her whole body weight to the side of the supposed shipment box and pushing it away from the entrance. “This whole thing is a trap, you’ll get caught–”

Jamie didn’t listen. He never listens. “I don’t care!!!” He put his shield behind him and pushed the box along with her. “I’m supposed to be the one protecting you. I’m your fucking brother.”

“Outside the field, we may be siblings.” She’s scared. He could hear her voice tremble. “But in here, we’re soldiers. We have higher risks of dying.” He wanted to comfort her. “One of us. At least one of us should survive. Polar needs her older siblings.”

He could hear it now. The timer’s soft beeps as it counts its seconds.

Ten seconds remaining. They won’t make it unscathed.

Everyone was out already, and only two of them still remained inside the warehouse. They should’ve gotten out as soon as they can before the chance of them surviving reaches absolute zero.

‘At least one of us should survive.’]

“Besides, I’m a Redhammer. Handling high-risk missions is my duty.” Jamie leaned back down onto his cot. “Just like you, I have the same qualifications and what it takes to be one.”

Emil nodded. “You’re a good operator.”

“And so are you, Emil.” Maxim chimed in, followed by Jamie’s nodding. “Do not let the past define you. Or people’s words. They can be very biased.”

Once again, the Swede averted his gaze. “I appreciate it, but I don’t need your comfort and pity.”

“Don’t need or don’t feel like you deserve them?” Maxim’s words seemed to hit their target, seeing how Emil flinched from his seat, grimacing. The older Russian knows how to hit anyone’s nerve in general, so Jamie wasn’t surprised. “You cannot please all people here. But remember that not all people hate you.”

Emil’s head hung down low. “I didn’t mean to undermine your care and attention at all.” His voice was softer than before.

Self-deprecation, averting eyes, and anxiety. Signs of guilt and regret.

They were the same signs that his Pa would make every time he came home from missions from Spetsnaz and Rainbow.

[“Pa? Are you okay?”

Jamie was too young to understand the reason for his dad’s odd behaviors. How he sometimes stared into nothingness, eyes filled with nothing. How his hands trembled slightly. The way he sprinted like hell towards him when the young child cried for help. There were many moments when he found out his dad was still wide awake in the darkness late at night, sobbing silently.

He didn’t want his dad to be sad, so he asked him the cause. Maybe he could help him.

The response that he got was his dad’s large hand on top of his head, gently ruffling his fluffy brunette hair.

“Papa’s alright, James.” The words were gentle, and so was his dad’s expression. “Papa did something bad. And God gave Papa his karma.”

“Karma?” Jamie wrapped his arms around his dad’s torso. “But you saved people!”

“I did, kiddo.” The child giggled loudly as his dad lifted him up and let him cling to his chest. “But sometimes, Papa makes mistakes. Mistakes that even Papa cannot remove.”

Mistakes that couldn’t be forgiven even by God.]

“Did you know about the discovery of gunpowder?” The Swede perked up. His deep blue eyes shined slightly. Like a puppy that got asked for a treat.

“It was a part of the four greatest inventions of China, no? One of the earliest recipes for it consists of saltpeter, charcoal, and sulfur.” Jamie nodded. From what he’d seen while watching the hacked interrogation session, Emil’s knowledge as a chemist shouldn’t be underestimated.

Jamie grinned widely. “Correct. Humanity’s most impactful invention that helped people expand their knowledge in exchange for uncounted sacrifices of human lives. Conflicts develop demands for countries to advance technologies further, and competitions create a sense of urgency.”

“Beside the giant impact it left, however, nobody asked about the original intention of the founding. Why it was developed in the first place.” Jamie pointed at Emil, a confident smile plastered all over his face. “Gunpowder, just like your thingy, was made for the sake of helping humanity in mind. Gunpowder was an accidental discovery in an attempt to make an elixir to prolong a human’s already short lifespan.”

“Just because the things that you developed lost their original functions, doesn’t mean you can’t use them under their original intentions. Like how we at Rainbow use firearms to save civilians and keep the peace around the world, you can still use your thingy to assist you in your missions and keep the casualty numbers low.” The confidence smile shrunk down into an awkward one. “...Do you get what I’m saying?”

[“James? Do you think we’re doing the right thing?”

Reth’s words echoed throughout the silent workshop, eyes still fixated on tinkering her gadgets. Jamie was only supposed to watch her in the distance, but he couldn’t help but feel something familiar with this scenario.

He hummed a bit, grabbing a plastic chair near the entrance and taking a seat right beside her. “I do think that spec-ops might not be the holiest job in the world,” just like their late dad, who was burdened by the same job, “but if nobody’s going to do it, civilians would have more challenging times with handling armed men, like terrorists and the governments themselves.”

She put down her tool before swiveling around in her chair, frowning. “I know, but what if the people we’re fighting against have a reasonable motive to fight? What if we’re just mere pawns for corrupt governments?” She stopped moving around, folding her arms, nails digging into her shoulder blades. “People have their right to voice their opinions, but when nobody listened to them, they would resort to violence to get people’s attention.”

Guilt. Self-doubt.

The same guilt that clouded his late dad’s mind.

“Rainbow isn’t like that, no.” He put his hand on his sister’s head. “If they’re like that, they won’t hire people with zero-casualties policy like Gustave. He’s very strict about it, too. I’ve seen how he works.”

“But…”

She’s right to an extent. Rainbow, for him, is still shrouded in mystery. There wasn’t much info about it on the internet, and he couldn’t verify whether most of their missions’ hostile targets were rebellious groups that fought against dictators or actual terrorists. Every time he was in the field, a tinge of self-doubt often clouded his judgment, and Maxim would end up covering for him.

He could still remember his dad’s empty gaze and silent sobs in the darkness.

His mom, fortunately, had a way of easing up a small fraction of her husband’s guilt, in the form of a metaphor.

“Do you know about the history of gunpowder?”]

Silence settled in between the three of them, then cracked as soon as Maxim chuckled out loud. His face now has a small, warm smile nestled on his usual stoic expression. “Trying to be wise, are you? Aleksandr would lose his shit if he heard this.”

Jamie blinked. Red blush seeped out of his cheeks and ears almost immediately. “Well– people tend to forget that they’re humans, too. Mistakes were prone to happen, and accidental discoveries ended up being created, for better or for worse.” He glanced at Emil once again. “You too, don’t go too hard on yourself.”

“I…” There was a moment of hesitation in Emil’s words, feeling conflicted with himself. “How can you be so sure?”

“Because, Emil,” Jamie’s tone was gentle, similar to how he talked to his frustrated sister, “people deserve second chances at trying. Using what they have to do the right thing once again.”

“If you want to earn a permanent place in Rainbow, Fenrir, try and forgive yourself first.”

Just like what his dad would do.

[evita-shelby]

We met by accident

modern! Eva x Luca

Taglist: @thegreatdragonfruta @wandawiccan60 @zablife

Gif by @twvstedsouls

It is only by divine luck that the hot coffee did not end up on either of them.

“I am so sorry.” She laughs in relief before having the receptionist call someone to clean it up.

“No need to apologize, you didn’t get coffee on me, Miss---” he leaves the sentence hanging to prompt her identity from her.

He would not be the first man or woman who tries this shit with her, but something tells her this isn’t someone looking to hook up with the boss’ right hand/beloved niece.

“Smith, Eva Smith. What floor are you headed to, Mr---” she does the same shtick he did and hopes he doesn’t have a wife or a girlfriend or a boyfriend.

“Changretta, Luca. Floor 25.” He was handsome, in that unconventionally handsome way. Made good money, he was an investor/ cover for his boss. A Capo in the Italian Mafia, the Spinietta Family to be exact.

He was bad news, but Eva liked bad news.

“Are you Mr.Riley’s eleven thirty, by any chance?” Eva pretended to be just another dime a dozen intern. You know the type, tight dress, great body and going by the discreet way he checks her out through the reflective surface of the elevator doors, his type.

“Yes, is your boss as they say?” he is nervous and hides it well.

“He is making you come here on Christmas Day, Changretta. But it depends, if his niece is with him, he tends to mellow out.” She loves toying with good looking people like this. “I hear she’s running late, so you might be out of luck.”

“Will you be at the meeting? Might make me feel better if a beautiful woman is there.” he asks her and she tried not to smirk.

“Oh, I will, have to be.” She keeps it vague, and he assumes she is her uncle’s personal secretary. “So, is there a Mrs. Changretta?”

Eva knew there wasn’t, but she can’t let him know she’s snooped on his files, and a lot of photographs of him. So many nudes she had found when she helped her cousin, Santiago, hack into his personal accounts.

“Only my mother. Is there a Mr. Smith?” he flirts back. He might not speak to her once the ruse is up.

“No, no one’s been man or woman enough to handle me.” She says as the doors chime open and she leads him to the conference room.

“I see you have met my beloved niece, Mr. Changretta.” Patricio Riley revels in the man’s confusion. “I hope you didn’t scare him, Evita.”

[theharpermovieblog]

#HARPERSMOVIECOLLECTION

2023

I watched Blood For Dracula (1974)

I have somewhat seen this before on late night tv, along with it's counterpart Flesh For Frankenstein.

A sickly Dracula travels to Italy to find a virgin to cure him.

If I was to ask, "Hey, do you wanna see a very bloody, soft-core-esque Dracula movie starring Udo Keir and presented by Andy Warhol?" You'd either say, "What? No." Or "Absolutely, give me that now, push it into my face if you have to." There would be no in-between.

Well, before you answered you might ask, "What does PRESENTED BY Andy Warhol mean?" And I would tell you that he had nothing to do with this movie, other than knowing the guy who made it.

Director Paul Morrissey, has made some other movies, which I have not seen. They all seem like slightly queer trash art. A genre I'm absolutely here for in theory.

I'll start with some of the technical stuff, then move on to the movie as a whole.

Morrissey is very competent behind the camera. He understands shot construction and I rather like his visual choices.

The dialogue is often clunky and I'd argue that the script isn't well written or very engaging. And, the fact that a lot of the actors clearly speak English as a second language isn't helping that clunky dialogue.

I should also mention that this is supposedly a horror/comedy, but its less funny and more "funny" in the way which artists think they're being "funny".

Udo Keir is very good here as a rather vain Dracula. He's stage acting and it fits his character. The other acting and actors throughout are hit or miss, but some people definitely shine and would shine more if they had interesting things to say. Arno Jeurging is definitely having fun in his role. Joe Dallesandro's New York accent is almost shocking amongst the Italian, German and British accents that surround it. His acting isn't good, but he's good for a few chuckles.

Overall this film, technically speaking, is ok for shitty gothic horror of the era and a film that has a look that I adore. Dreamy, with a hint of British soap opera and a handful of italian horror. The locations are gorgeous , as are the people and the costumes.

So, how's the movie as a whole.

Well, it's not a high art piece by any means. Outside of attempting to have more tits and ass and excessive blood, nothing really separates this from other horror of the era, and a lot of directors were doing this much better back then. It's stilted and none of the story or action has any weight to it. There's no real scares or laughs either. A few moments of being able to laugh at it, but not with it. Also, the hero assaults a couple women, rapes a 14 year old, and is just kind of a dick. Not really a guy you want to root for.

But, despite the movie not being all that great, there are some moments I enjoyed. I laughed through most of Dracula's Seizures and a few strangely delivered lines. (Not sure if I was supposed to, but I did.) I loved looking at the pretty people being pretty and wearing pretty things, or being pretty and naked. I loved the look of it all, honestly. I loved the end where Dracula is being hacked up. I loved how self indulgent it felt and how absolutely trashy it really is. I loved that it tries to toss in some form of a classism discussion and doesn't really follow through on. Is Count Dracula's illness supposed to be a metaphor for the dying upper class? If so, it's a pretty weak one, and just an attempt at trying to make this seem more high minded than it is.

Basically, I admired the terribleness surrounded by pretty things.

This movie is trash with a little bit of fun to it. There's enough here to it to watch it once, just to see it.

[adamwatchesmovies]

Heart of Stone (2023)

It isn’t so much that Heart of Stone is bad; it’s that it doesn’t do anything good enough to stand out. This is what I think of when someone says “Netflix Top Ten Original”. When it arrives, it feels like everyone’s watching it. A week later, everyone who saw it has already forgotten about it and moved on to the next action spy-thriller with several notable stars in important roles.

Rachel Stone (Gal Gadot) is part of an MI6 field team. What agents Parker (Jamie Dornan), Yang (Jing Lusi) and Bailey (Paul Ready) don’t know is she’s secretly a member of The Charter, an ultra-secret agency dedicated to peacekeeping that operates outside of any government. The Charter uses The Heart, a sophisticated artificial intelligence, to calculate its agents’ odds of success based on every possible factor in real time. The Heart allows the agents to succeed in the most precarious situations and The Charter to hack into any device. When a mysterious hacker named Keya (Alia Bhatt) makes a move against the Charter, Stone has to blow her cover - unaware this is exactly what her opponent was hoping she would do.

I’ll admit that while watching Heart of Stone, I was entertained in a “it’s moving and I want to see what’s coming next” sort of way. Looking back - particularly after writing that synopsis down - this is the store-brand version of your spy-thriller action film. I can remember a death-defying chase down the Italian Alps and the picture’s final confrontation but these scenes are nothing special; they could be in any movie like this. Stone herself is a protagonist we’ve seen a thousand times. Gal Gadot plays the part fine and she handles the stunts with no problem but her character makes no impact. Similarly, The Charter is dull, dull, dull as a secret organization. I can’t think of any movie that’s done exactly what they’re doing, but I swear I’ve seen it before, probably in another movie I forgot soon after it ended.

Heart of Stone sort of feels like the third entry in a franchise that's limping along. It's as if most of the cast are sick of their roles and asking for their characters to be killed off, revealed as traitors or retired, or are the new replacements introduced to help revitalize a fledgling series. Because Stone is at her most interesting when she has to pretend like she can’t handle fieldwork, the film is most engaging at the beginning, when she’s paired up with Bailey, Yang and Parker. About a third of the movie in, they get dropped. Their absence and the focus on Stone should get us all riled up emotionally but we’re just not invested in the characters enough to really care.

On the upside, there are plenty of twists and turns along the way, the stunt work is good, the action well shot and the special effects convincing. While Stone might not be memorable, you do like her. You also like Gal Gadot in the role enough to never feel bored despite the been-there-done-that story and premise. I want to be nice to this movie but too often, it does the obvious or makes a choice that will have you thinking “Couldn’t you have tried something else?” There’s a point towards the end when a villainous character receives a chance at redemption. The movie really wants us to believe they deserve it. Meanwhile, I’m just thinking “What, you didn’t realize the people you were working with were power-hungry madmen when you were setting up a casino where the high-rollers can bet on who will die first in the footage you’ve hacked from the U.S. military? Give me a break.”

Heart of Stone is Mission: Impossible at home. I mean… it is, LITERALLY since you don’t have to go to the theater to see it and it’s about a group of people, led by an action star doing all sorts of action things to save the day from a shadowing organization. It is also figuratively “Mission: Impossible at home”. (September 3, 2023)

[bellonathedragonborn]

I’m having this AU in my head where Vulpes is a follower (either Fallout 4 style or as a potential Fallout 5 follower.)

Vulpes Dialogue:

In the presence of a rude or brutish follower/npc: “You remind me of a certain Legate.”

Swimming: “I’m from the desert.”

Collecting a skill book: “I wasn’t allowed to read those.”

Charisma check (success): “Well done.”

Charisma check (fail): “I should’ve done it.”

Over Encumbered: “Get a wagon… or someone.”

Drinking Alcohol: “Never had that before.”

In a Vault: “You should visit the Vault 21 gift shop.”

Jumps off a height: “Next you’ll be jumping off the Lucky 38.”

Steals something: “Et tu?” Or “You wouldn’t last long.”

Shooting without target: Some random French or Italian curse word.

Hacking: “You remind me of a certain Courier.”

In this world Vulpes was eventually chased out of the Legion. After Adrien killed Caesar and most of the Legion. He isn’t outright telling you who he is but there’s nods to New Vegas and my Courier.

[justafanficwriterhere54321]

I’m still here (phil coulson x fem!reader)

Requested; no

Relationship; Phil Coulson x fem!reader

Type of fanfic; angst with a happy ending

Warnings; kidnapping, slight depictions of violence, murder (let me know if I missed something)

Wordcount; 1190

Timesetting; S3 i believe, Wards girlfriend has just been shot yk?

Summary; You have been in a relationship with Phil Coulson for a few months, but he never told you he was a shield agent. After Grant Ward saw his girlfriend bleed out in his arms, he kidnapped you to get revenge on Coulson. Coulson comes in to save your ass.

You were casually sitting on a bench, in the quiet park you chose to eat your ice cream in. It always amazed you how little people came here, because the nature around you looked magnificent. Maybe it was for the best; if a lot of people came strolling around here, it would not look as clean and beautiful as it did anymore. You saw a notification pop up on your phone and smiled when you saw it was Phil, sending you a message. “Would you like to go eat something at the Italian across the street the evening? I’m paying an unexpected visit because of work” it said. You immediately answered; “Great, does 8.30 sound good to you? Or do you still have work?”. It took him a minute to respond, and his reply said; “Sounds great, I’ll call the restaurant asap. See you there!” You always loved it when Phil had time for a date, even though you would keep dating him even if you never got to see him in person again. The fact that such a wonderful man was ebough to make you forget about the suspiscions you had about him being some type of mafia boss. He had the muscles for it - and the stamina- but that could just be his training schedule. You got up from the bench, grabbing your purse and heading home to get ready, you wanted to be on time to savour each moment you got to spend with him. He was gone because of work most of the time, saying he worked with some type of billionairs company you had never heard of. Well, it’s not like you are spending most of you time looking up the names of company’s anyway.

Time skip brought to you by; Mack chopping Coulson’s hand off

You arrived at the corner of the street at 8.24. You were wearing a red flowy wrap skirt that stopped right above your ankles, topped off with a white blouse. You knew you were early, but Phil was always either late or early. The fact that he wasn’t here yet ment that he was going to be late. You sighed, but then grabbed your phone and texted him, “Hey Phil, I’m here a bit early; would you mind if I went inside of the restaurant already?” It only took him half a minute to respond -that’s weird, he never responds that quickly, even if he expects a text it takes time...- the answer was; “Ofcourse I don’t mind darling, I’ll be there any minute.” You stopped thinking about the fact that he responded that quickly, or about the fact that his texts didn’t sound like him at all and walked inside the restaurant. Big mistake.

5 guns were pointed at your head the moment you stepped into the restaurant. They all had masks on, making it unable for you to see who they were. You froze in shock, your mind going a thousand miles per hour, and every possible scenario was running through your head. They concluded the same thing; Phil wás a mafia boss, and they were his enemies. They hacked into his phone, using it as bait for me, to later use me as bait for him. Someone grabbed you from behind you, and you screamed. You felt a gun on the side of your head and the man behind you said; “Stop screaming or I won’t give Coulson a chance to explain himself and leave your lifeless body here for him to find”. You immediately shut up, but internally you cept screaming. Hoping Phil would hear it, and come save you. The man behind you was given a cloth by one of the masked men, and he put it in front of your mouth. You immediately stopped breathing in and out, pretending to slowly fall asleep in his arms. He calmely said; “I know you are not passed out yet. Breathe in. Now. Or you will never see your beloved Coulson again.” You couldn’t hold your breath anymore, and breathed against the cloth. You slowly felt your conciousness slipping away, and the only thing you could do was pray that Phil would come and save you.

Time skip brought to you by; “Hey, Mack hammer; can’t touch this” ~can’t touch this track begins to play~

You slowly woke up, feeling you were tied up in a chair. “I see you have finally woken up, took you long enough”, said the voice of the man who had held the cloth in front of your mouth before you passed out. You assumed he was the leader of the “team” that had kidnapped you. You looked at him, and smiled at you. Not a friendly smile, but an “I’m going to skin you alive and enjoy it” smile; it scared you. “Do you know why you are here, darling?”, he said tountingly. Only Phil was allowed to call you that. “I’ll take that scilence as a ‘no’ then.” He slowly stepped closer to the chair, and you almost believed he could smell your fear. Than he said; “Coulson has wronged me. You are going to fix that.” “Whatever you think I know about Phil; I don’t. I didn’t even know he wasn’t a normal buisness man untill today.” You answered with a shaky voice. You startled when you heard a gun shot. And were even more startled when the man who was talking to you fell forward; right on top of you. You heard a fight happening, but closed your eyes. You just couldn’t look at it. 

After a while it stopped, and you heard Phil’s voice saying;  “Darling, darling can you hear me? Please, say something.” You were still in shock and didn’t answer, and you heard Phil sobbing softly. “Please, I can’t lose you like this.” You snapped out of it and said; “I’m here Phil, I’m still alive” You heard footsteps and felt the man being lifted up and thrown to the side. You slowly opened your eyes and saw Phil looking at you with concern in his eyes. “Phil? Phil what’s going on? Are there more men coming?” He started untying your wrists, and said; “It’s alright darling, it’s over now. Nothing can hurt you now, it’s just you and me.”

After he had untied your hands he looked at your face, and wiped away the tears you hadn’t realized were falling. “I’m sorry if you don’t trust me anymore after this. I promise you I tried to shield you away from this, but I guess I should have known it wouldn’t work out. I’ll explain everything soon, and after that you can choose wether you ever want to see me again.” You looked at him and said; “Phil, do you hurt or kill people who don’t deserve it? Are you cheating on me?” He quickly answered; “No I would neve-” He got interupted by you when you said; “then I couldn’t care less. I just want you, no matter wether you are some type of mafia or not” He smiled and said; “I’m not in the mafia Y/N, I’m an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.”

THE END 

(bc i lost motivation and still wanted to post something)

A/N; The requests are open if anyone wants to send one in it would be awesome :D