#james x barty

[we-r-loonies]

TRUST jegulus is my fav pairing.

but.

james and barty... james and barty

[vomits0cutely]

What if I told you James just wants to get proposed to?

In very relationship, any ships, any universe— he gets his lover a promise ring and he gets proposed to.

[not-rab]

James: Stop buying plastic skeletons for Halloween. It's terrible for the environment.

Barty: Yeah. Locally sourced, all-natural skeletons are much more environmentally friendly!

James: Yeah!

James: Wait what-

[solarisburns]

Barty Crouch jr. who was smarter than his father ever could be. Who could remember an entire text book after just a night. Barty would spend years pretending he was stupid just to spite his dad until Dorcas pointed out it would be better to beat the old man at his own game. Barty was never favored by any of teachers, he was a slytherin who was loud and cruel and a know-it-all if you got his started. He never got a McGonnagal to be concerned for him when he came back after breaks far to quiet and would jump a foot in the air any time someone pointed a wand at him. There were no adults who cared when he decided to be angry instead of scared. He wasn't James Potter with a blinding smile and a heart big enough to care for everyone around him. He wasn't Regulus either, who could detach with vicious cruelty and a reputation to match. He was just Barty the boy set to live in a man shadow despite being so much more than his father could ever dream of.

[manwrre]

barty: i don’t wanna like potter but the parasites in me want potter.

regulus: right…..

barty: i don’t want to kiss potter— i don’t like him but the parasite… the demon in me… IT wants to kiss potter.

evan: ……

barty: you understand what i’m saying?

regulus: yea….. yea, i get it. i get that.

[risetherivermoon]

James, age 9: hey mum? i have a question

Effie: hm? alright then, lay it on me

James: who would be a better father? me or barty?

Barty, age 8, with his arms folded, standing next to james: 😒

Effie: why are you asking this?

James: mum! its important

Effie: Ok! Barty,

James: WHAT?!?

Barty: WHAHAHA

Effie: hes more responsible, somehow

Barty, running out of the room excitedy: WOO I GET THE KIDS IN THE DIVORCE ITS BEEN SETTLED

James, going after him: WAIT WE NEED TO WORK OUT A CUSTODY SCHEDULE!! BARTY!!

Monty: kids??

Effie: i stopped questioning it a while ago

[multishipperofgaydeadwizards]

barty and his partner adopt troubled kids (bc he was also a troubled kid, and most of his friends were troubled kids, and he knows what's it like)

[reggies-fake-horcrux]

bartys red flag is that he will do absolutely anything his friends tell him to without questioning because he doesn't fear any consequences

[eucalyptusbrainrot]

lol imagine barty going around telling people he and james are dating for shits and giggles and if anyone asks evan whole heartedly agrees and tells people about the time he walked in on them with a disgusted look on his face and dorcas cringes and says she remembers that meanwhile the marauders are really confused and keep reassuring james they would support him if he is gay but would have to think about supporting his choice in boyfriends

i also love james as just, agreeing wholeheartedly. going with it without any hesitation, james just seems like the type of guy to roll with a rumor for shits and giggles. (or maybe that’s just me and i’m pushing my view on him, idc it just seems right.)

[thatcoolguyeli]

barty bringing james over for the first time and introducing his ancient ginger cat. She’s missing a chunk of her ear, her fur is scruffy but she’s treated like a queen. James is instantly in love but laughs as she’s completely opposite of bartys scary dementor

[maiiefizz]

Ex-Bartylus

Barty knows that Regulus had a crush on James before they dated.

Barty: Ey Potter!

James: What do you want, Crouch?

Barty: I have to make someone Jealous!

So I need to date you.

James: (Who wants to get Regulus jealous too, so dating his ex would propably work) Okay sure.

So they're dating, and Regulus gets jealous about both of them. And Barty and James maybe starting to crush on each other.

But Evan gets jealous too. So a big mess.

And happily ever after Wolfstar Background

And you can choose the end of this yourself.

[vomits0cutely]

James: can I try rizzing you up?

Anyone: ..okay-

James: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLESS PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PELASE PELSSE PELASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PELASE—

[stagpdf]

Barty tosses the plastic bag full of gas station snacks to the back of the car and pops the two slurpees into the cup holders, Barty’s brown concoction of different flavors looking rather depressing next to James’ bright blue.  

“Did you get the purple skittles you know I like those better—”

“Yes, Jesus James, I got your stupid fuckin’ purple skittles. And your chips too. Don’t insult me.” Barty scoffs at the idea, acting as if he hadn’t screwed this exact thing up the last time they went on a road trip together. It’d ended in an argument so bad James hadn’t even gotten a blowjob out of it. 

“You don’t exactly have the best track record. And since you three refuse to give me any kind of gas money this is my pathetic form of payment for the trouble.”

Barty puts on an overly-offended face—mouth stretched open to the point of possible tearing, eyes wide, and a hand over his chest. “Trouble? As if you didn’t practically beg to come along.”

Given the audacity of the statement, James figures it his turn to play up how much they affect him and physically recoils at the words. “Beg? I did not fucking beg. If I recall correctly you were the one who refused to fuck me until I agreed to come.” James turns in his seat, giving Barty a full view of himself as he crosses his arms and just looks at him. 

“Tomato, tomato. Who cares? You’re here now, let's not worry how we got to this point.” 

James rolls his eyes, turning back forward to start the car and pull out onto the road. Barty messes with the aux, making sure to bend it just right so the frayed wires are able to function correctly. The quality of James’ busted speakers is ass, but it hardly even matters as Barty opens his big mouth once more.

“You’ll want to make a right soon to get to Evan’s…”

James tunes him out the second he hears Evan’s name, quietly seething as he drives. Evan this, Evan that. It would be too soon if he never heard his name or saw the guy again. Evan with his weird obsession with death, his off-putting demeanor, and a stare which sent chills straight to James’ soul. No matter how hard he tries, James just couldn’t get a read on the guy. Even now, years of knowing him, James still has no clue if Evan even likes him or not. 

And that’s not even scratching the surface. Evan and Barty have this thing, and it drives James up the walls. It’s different from anything he has with his own friends—sure he’s close with Sirius and Remus, but Evan and Barty operate on a whole different level. It makes it all the more ridiculous how irked James gets because he knows well enough by now that it’s not romantic. It’s just weird. And he knows perfectly well he’s not jealousy because who the fuck gets jealous over Barty Crouch.

Not that he would have any right to complain or be jealous if it was romantic. Him and Barty are just….him and Barty. James has no desire for that to change. Whatever. 

He cuts Barty off mid-ramble. “God, why the fuck did I even agree to this ridiculous-ass road trip anyway.”

Barty doesn’t falter. “‘Cause my dick’s so good you couldn’t bear to go a week without it.” Barty grins, it’s all teeth and his eyes are a little too wide. The metal of his smiley glints in the late-afternoon sun filtering through the windows. James hates it. He wants those teeth to sink into his skin.

He also doesn’t have a rebuttal for Barty’s response, knowing all too well that if he tries to deny how good Barty’s dick is now they’ll waste even more time as they pull over and he rails James into the backseat. 

In the short span of time when James just glares at him, refusing to give Barty the satisfaction, the asshole takes a drag from his newly-acquired vape and exhales directly into James’ face. The flavor is banana split, or something equally disgusting, and smells downright rancid. 

“Blegh.” James gags, reaching his hand out and shoving at Barty’s face, ignoring the fluttering in his stomach as he barks out a laugh, high-pitched and hyena-like. It’s a terrible laugh, really. Ugly even. 

James never wants it to stop.

[stxr-bxy]

barty would have no spice tolerance but he thinks he does because he once successfully drank mild hot sauce

every time he has anything spicy he simply just dies. when reggie and james start dating and barty ends up eating leftovers that effie made he nearly chokes because effie’s food is so spicy.

[elilelibeli]

Okay also my brain has been pushing the james potter x barty crouch jr agenda lately (is there a cute ship name? Is Sunkiller them???)

Like barty is the smartest person in every room he walks in, nothing is intellectually challenging for him so he is literally bored out of his mind.

While James is literally unable to stay bored, he is always doing something not to be bored because he HATES it.

Barty comes up with the craziest things and James is always down to do them. Barty is bored so he is like “here’s this elaborate, crazy ass plan my brain came up whilst i was walking up the stairs, it would be so so fun to do this.” And James is like hell ye i think I am starting to get slightly bored so i will literally do anything. So they bond over this, and then they also physically bond over each other (🤭) and they are never ever bored and then they like happily fuck each other or something fun like that.

[risetherivermoon]

james, walking past: "oh hey barty!"

barty: "you look like an unwashed weasel with its head inside its ass, you unnecessarily sweet, sexy bitch with stupid loving eyes."

james: 🧍 "oh.. thank you? i think?"

barty, internal monologue: "good job barty, you played that off well, James has no idea you're in love with him."