#long before jason even ended up in a coma

[jasmines-library]

Hey, I love your Batfam work! Is there any chance you could do a whump/angst one of batsis being kidnapped by a villian(you can choose whoever you want) and she’s tortured for days with it being broadcasted to the Batfam while they try to track the footage. I feel kinda bad but can you do maybe some head trauma md severe burns? Maybe she has to be put in a medically included coma or smth because of the damage? Also is there any way you could include Barb and Duke along w/ the four robins? If not that’s totally cool! Sorry for the long request but I hope you have a great day!!

Anonymous Requested: batfam x batsib reader whos the youngest and newest robin and is just really goofy and doesn’t take anything seriously (ex: them blaring “who’s the (bat)man” on the comms during patrol [that songs stuck in my head i had to mention it]) and something happens, maybe their first close encounter to death or a run in with the joker and they just become a shell of who they were and stuff

Jokes On Me

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Note: My god im so sorry this literally took me forever to write, thank you so much for being patient. I've been trying to write this all week but just couldn't sit down for long enough to finish it.

Warnings: Torture, blood, burns.

Word Count: 2.5k

⛧ BATFAM MASTERLIST ⛧

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“Y/N, turn that shit off.”

Jason grumbled at you over the coms. You had been blasting some wretched song that you’d found on the internet over and over again and it was beginning to drive him mad. 

“Nope.” You said, popping the ‘p’ loudly. 

“Seriously.” Dick deadpanned. He had found it amusing at first, but it was now beginning to test his patience. 

Agitated, you sighed and turned off the music. “Fine.”

“Thank you.” Jason expressed gratefully, turning his eyes back to the road he was patrolling. The night was cool and quiet besides the odd dog walker or couple returning from an evening out. It was one of those nights where patrol would end early and he could return home to take a warm bath and read a book before turning in for the night. Or so he thought. 

You were rounding the corner, humming that tune that was still stuck in your head when his laughter ricocheted across the walls. You stiffened, eyes widening and hands fumbling for your weapon as your breath hitched. No amount of turning and craning your head allowed you to catch a glimpse of the dreaded figure, and you thought for a moment that perhaps it had just been a trick of your mind, or one of your brothers playing a cruel joke on you as payback for winding them up earlier. But then you heard it again, only this time to your left. You clutched your weapon tighter, eyes scanning the area with a new found sense of urgency. 

“Wing…” You whispered into the coms so quietly that you were surprised he heard it.

“What now?” He somewhat snapped. 

“We have a problem.”

Dick’s heart sank through the floor, his ears pricking up and his demeanour changing completely. “Where are you? What’s the matter? He was trying to let his panic show, but you hadn’t been patrolling as a vigilante for very long, and while you were well trained, you lacked the experience to deal with something big on your own. And from your tone of voice, he could tell that you were in some deep shit. 

Jason worked his legs harder to push himself to reach the direction he had seen you head off in. Albeit it seemed even his hardest wasn’t enough.

When he stepped out of the darkness, the first thing you noticed were his eyes. Wide and bright, easily mistakable for a cat’s as they flashed in the darkness; wild. Rabid. As he emerged fully with that infamous twisted grin splayed out on his face, you felt like a cornered animal; a deer in headlights. You froze, unable to move despite how your heart screamed at you to run as it pounded, trying to break free from your ribcage. 

“He’s here…” A mere whisper sliding over your tongue, so fragile that you weren’t even sure if you had actually said it aloud. Jason had heard it. 

“Who?” 

The Joker was circling you now, dragging out his strides in lazy circles. You should have fought but in that moment all of your training had drained out of you, along with the colour in your face. He smirked, leering down upon you as you tried to keep your trembling hand still. He pouted in mockery and at your silence, Jason repeated his question to you, but you never got the chance to respond. 

“Oh…Just an old friend, Jay-bird.”

“Joker.” Urging his body to move faster, Jason grit his teeth. 

Dick paled. “You leave them alone.” Dick spat. It tried to be a command, but the effect was lost somewhere in transmission.

The joker pursed his lips, tilting his head as he analysed. One of his hands had found his way to your jawline and he trailed it with a cold, gloved hand. You wanted to lean away, to run and find your brother but you knew that now he had you in his grasp there was no point in even trying. “And why would I do that? They’re right in front of me. I could just…snatch them up.”

“Don’t you dare!” Dick was frightened now. “Y/N, you stay there as long as you can, okay? You fight. We’re coming, you hear?”

The Joker frowned at you. “D’you hear that? Big brother birdy coming to the rescue. How sweet.”

His grip on you tightened. “Too bad you’ll be long gone by the time they get here.”

With one swift motion, he had thrown you harshly to the side, your head colliding with the wall with a sickening crack. 

The two boys skidded to a halt just a second too late. You were already gone. 

~

Your head hurt when you woke up. Your eyes squinted against the sterile light. They did no favours to your pounding headache. With a groan, you tried to twist, to roll over and soothe the crook in your neck but instead all that happened was the jinging of a metal chain. You craned your head and spotted the thick chain that had been wrapped around your wrist, confining you to the chair. Struggling, you tugged on them, trying to free yourself only for them to rattle and scrape against your skin. 

“Yeah, that’s not going anywhere, birdy.” The joker chided.

You glared at him through narrowed eyes, trying to mask the thumping of your heart. The joker grinned wildly at your frightened complexion. 

“It was such a shame that Grayson and Todd didn’t get to you in time, but it was far too easy to catch you, little bird: you completely froze.” He snapped his fingers to emphasise his point. “Didn’t batsy teach you better?”

“Don’t talk about them.” You snapped. 

The joker raised his hands, palms facing toward you in surrender: taunting you as if you were the one with the power in the situation. “Touchy subject I see. Too bad.” 

He gestured above you to an incessantly blinking light. “Smile for the camera, you’re live.”

~

Babs had been monitoring the street cameras when the computer beside her flickered to life. She had been searching for any sign of you ever since Dick and Jason came flying through the grandfather clock. Everyone was on edge. 

The moment the screen flashed on, her eyes perked up to watch it, alarmed. She hadn’t turned it on. And there were very few people who could bypass the caves system. So when she saw a small frame curled up in a chair she knew immediately what was up. 

“Duke…” she called to the dark haired boy who was trying to help decipher your whereabouts. “Go and get B.” 

It did not take long at all for everyone to gather around in the cave. Duke was fast, and everyone dropped what they were doing to race down: even Alfred had taken his leave from his duties to see. 

It was almost like some sick irony because as soon as they were all there, you began to scream. A guttering, perfect scream that cut that through them like a knife: unclean and pinging into them messily again and again. 

The joker had taken a knife to your left thigh, his smile dripping with malice as he watched the camera, somehow knowing that at least one of them would be watching. 

Your face was contorted in pain, twisting in agony as tears rolled flatly down your cheeks from fearful eyes. Damian felt sick, his stomach churning. Jason wanted to leave. But all of them were stuck watching. Barbra was tapping away, trying to locate the signal from the video to no avail. 

“I hope you’re watching this Batsy…” He moved round to trail your face with the edge of the knife. You whimpered. “I’ve got your little bird here and I must say, you need to work on their training. They were far too easy to catch.”

Bruce felt his jaw tightening and Tim had to place a hand on his arm to remind him of his place. 

“Anyway I thought we would play a little game… how long can little y/n survive for. I wonder if it’ll be any longer than our very own Jason Todd.”

Jason twitched. 

“I’m testing you here, Bat. Tick Tock.”

The transmission cut to black. 

~

It seemed hopeless. Even though they had been searching for days, they were no closer to finding you. And to make matters worse, they could see you. Not long after the first transition ended did it start up again. It had been lifestreaming since then, and although they had tried to block it from their minds, it was hard to ignore. Especially when your agonised screams ricocheted throughout the halls. 

You looked like hell. Dark bags occluded under your eyes and there wasn’t an inch of your skin that wasn’t marred or stained with drying blood. The burns were worse. Damian could still hear the scream you let out when the joker first brought the hot poker to your skin. It had bubbled and blistered as the skin peeled away; you had thrashed against your restraints violently. Tim was certain that they were going to get infected if they didn’t reach you soon. 

It felt as if they had searched everywhere. Dick and Jason had even asked around to see if anyone had heard anything, going as far to talk to the Jokers closest associates in Arkham, but even if they did know, nobody said anything. Duke had even gone as far to go back to the area to use his powers to see if he could trace anything, but nothing seemed out of place; they had hit a brick wall. That was…until a small light appeared on the monitor. Babs had managed to trace the signal to a small building on the outskirts of the city. 

They were suited up in minutes, making a beeline for the building. They stormed it, recklessly taking down the Joker's goons before Batman chased wildly after the Joker, his face stony and his fists burning with anger. The other four boys chased down the winding corridors, flinging open the doors until they found one that was locked. Tim wasted no time, picking the lock with ease he peeled it open. His breath hitched when he saw you. 

Your face was gaunt, hanging low by your chest. Your suit was torn and there was less of it on your body than there was ripped away. You looked so fragile as your chest heaved sporadically. 

Jason nearly had to take a step back. This place reminded himself too much of his own encounter with the Joker not too long ago. But he pressed forward, fighting his instincts. He had to be strong. Instead of turning back, he kneeled in front of you, whispering your name. His hand came up to cup your face. You flinched away. 

“It’s okay kid. It’s us.” He tried to reassure you, but you shrank back into yourself. 

“We’re so, so sorry kiddo.” Dick tried placing a gentle hand on your arm before moving to work on the cuffs around your wrists. “We’re going to get you out.”

You said nothing, just continued to stare at the black space before you, and Dami wasn’t sure if you even knew they were in front of you. But when Jason moved away from you to help remove your restraints, your fingers latched onto him and you squeaked in protest. 

He sighed shakily. “Don’t worry kid. I’m not going anywhere.”

Damian twisted from where he was guarding the door. “We need to leave.”

Dick nodded bluntly, finishing with the last of the locks. “I’m going to have to pick you up, okay sweetheart?”

You barely registered what he had said. Everything had grown numb, you nodded anyhow. Moving his arms underneath your legs and slipping one arm behind your back, Jason began to lift you. He nearly recoiled when you cried and whimpered with the way your wounds jostled as he sprinted out of the building to get you back to safety. 

~

You were yet to say anything since you came home. You had been back a few days and your wounds were healing up nicely thanks to Alfred’s handywork, but the air was eerily silent around you. It wasn’t as if you hadn’t been communicating with them; you spoke to them with gestures or writing but no one was used to not hearing your voice. The stark contrast between your loud and bustling personality and you now was unsettling. No one wanted to push you too far but the manor was beginning to grow lonely. 

It was one particularly rainy night when you finally spoke.  You were curled up in a large armchair by the window in the library, sinking back into the plush leather as you watched the raindrops race down the glass. Jason had been watching you from afar, contemplating whether to talk to you or not when he walked over. 

“What are you up to?” He asked you, making sure you knew that he was there before he spoke. 

You gestured toward the window,then to the half opened book at your feet and shrugged. 

“I see.” He nodded, taking a seat on the armchair opposite you. A comfortable silence settled between the two of you. Jason wasn’t much of a talker. He knew more than anyone what you were going through, which was why it was nice just to know that he was willing to sit with you, just so you knew that he was there if you needed him. It made you feel safe. But you also couldn’t help but feel guilty, and frustrated with yourself for being in a place that made him feel as though he had to do that. 

“I’m sorry.” You whispered. 

Jason had to do a second take. His heart swelled. “What for?”

You sighed. “This. When I saw him…i-i froze. If I had run then this would never have happened.”

“Shh. This isn’t your fault.”

“But-”

“I promise, Kid. You’ve done nothing wrong.”

You nodded, looking away from him. But then you furrowed your brows and turned back to him. “How did you do it? How did you deal with this, Jay? Every time I close my eyes he’s there.”

“I guess I don’t, really. Or sometimes it feels like I don’t. I still get scared sometimes. I still see him in my dreams. But over time it gets easier. I had people around me to help me. And so do you, kid. We’re here. We’ll always be here.”

Jason shifted to brush away a rogue tear and you leaned into his touch and then wrapped your arms tightly around his middle. 

“I’m here. Always. We’ll get through this together.”

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BATFAM TAGS

@aestheticdaisies @hearts4robs @xxrougefangxx @mamapucket @hell-o-kittys @harleycao @batfamsstuff @alicedawitchbish

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[battymommastuff]

The Accident (Pt. 2)

Batmom x Batfamily Prompt: At least you did something...

TW: VERY DARK!!!!

Part 1

"She isn't making any progress. We've tried everything from electroshock therapy to simply giving her a journal to write her feelings." 

You could hear your personal therapist talking to your husband...well ex husband by now. Your marriage died the day he put you in this damn place. What place? None other than Arkham Asylum. At first he could live with what you did, he understood what you did. Everyone understood why you did it, but what happened after...he couldn't live with it. 

Bruce watched as his wife shut down. You became a shell of what you once were. The warm, welcoming mother that everyone knew you to be died. Something cold, and sinister was left in her place. The Gotham criminals began to fear you more than Batman himself. Batman held back...he pulled his punches. You...you didn't. You couldn't. This life, the scum of Gotham took your son away from you. How could Bruce just sit there and be okay with it? 

Everything came to a boiling point when he walked into the manor with his newest sidekick, Tim Drake...

"Y/N, this is Tim Drake. He will be assisting us in our...work." Bruce said and rested a hand on the young man's shoulder. Instead of a warm greeting or a smile that one usually got when meeting Y/N Wayne, Tim got a stone cold glare. 

"Jason's grave isn't even covered in grass, and you're already replacing him?" You growled as you stood from your seat on the couch. Tim flinched at your tone, and moved back a bit. He heard such good things about you. This wasn't how he was expecting things to go. 

"Good job Bruce, get another kid...let's see how long he lasts before he's in the grave too." You spat before storming off. That night, you chose to go on patrol alone. While Bruce and Tim were doing their own thing, you were spending your night alone. As you sat perched on a ledge, watching the city that you've grown to hate, all you could think of was Tim. How could Bruce just move on so quickly? You weren't surprised. He spent most of that night scolding you and lecturing you for nearly killing the Joker. Now the bastard was in a coma, and you wished he was dead. 

The sound of a woman screaming knocked you from your thoughts, and you looked down seeing the said woman blocking her young child from an attacker. You don't know what happened at that moment, but something snapped. You weren't going to let another mother's heart be broken, or the child's. No more families were going to be broken because of scum like this. You blacked out again, and this time you came to be pinned to the brick wall by Batman. Robin was hovering over the man you'd just beaten. He pressed two fingers to his neck then looked at Batman. Robin shook his head, and then looked at you. Instead of horror, or remorse...you smirked, "At least I did something." You whispered to your husband. 

Now here you were, wasting away in the cells of Arkham. Eating food that was stale, and cold. It made you miss Alfred's cooking. Several inmates tried to gang up on you, and quickly learned why that was a bad idea. 

"The doctors are beginning to fear her. She's got a rage inside of her that can't be tamed. Whatever set her off...doesn't seem to want to fade away." Your therapist looked over at you, chained to the table that you were forced to sit at. Bruce clenched his jaw as he looked at you. You'd lost weight, and your face was sunken in. You looked half dead. 

"Then we'll find something new. I'm not giving up on her. If you can't help her, then I'll have to find someone who can." Bruce snapped. He knew that keeping you here would kill you in the end. You weren't made for a place like this. He wanted you home with him and Alfred. It was where you belonged. 

Little did he know that the solution to his problem was going to be solved...

It would be several weeks later, close to when visiting hours would end. You were sitting in your cell with your back facing the door when you heard it open. 

"Mom?"

That voice made your entire body go cold. Yes the tone was deeper, and a little gravely, but you knew that voice. The Gotham accent...it couldn't be anyone else. Slowly your head turned, and you nearly fainted when your eyes met the ones staring back at you...

To be continued...

(I know most wanted a pt.2 with Jason's reaction, but I got a little carried away lol. I promise I will make a pt.3 with his reaction!)

[aceissomunster]

Clearing up misconceptions and such about Tim Drake for all you non-comic reading fic-writers and people that just don’t know. Mostly chronologically

Under the cut, cause this is gonna get long ,,

While Tim isn’t my favorite batfamily member, or even robin in particular, he is the one whose comics i’ve read the most of and know the most about.

If i’m wrong about any of this, please let me know!

- Tim’s parents weren’t especially abusive. they were neglectful, as in leaving him with the nannies and sending him off to boarding schools when they were out of the country, which was frequently. also, they did love him. i don’t even know where people got the idea that they didn’t.

- Tim did not stalk the bats, until he noticed Batman’s grief-driven violence and decided to follow, photograph, and gather evidence

- he also didn’t just go up to Bruce and ask to be Robin, he actually tracked down Dick Grayson to the circus and tried to convince him to come back to being Robin. Dick drove him to the manor, and then found out Tim’s whole story.

then Alfred let him down into the cave, Batman and Nightwing got captured by Two-Face, and Alfred practically threw the Robin costume at him and they went to save Batman and Nightwing. THEN Tim told Bruce that he was Robin. (— A Lonely Place of Dying, Tim’s 13)

- Before even becoming Robin fully, Tim’s parents were kidnapped and held for ransom in Haiti by a man called the “Obeah Man” (“Obeah” translates roughly to black magic, I’m pretty sure). Batman finds them by following the people that were going to pay the ransom, and they were being kept in some underground place? I’m not sure, but it was really really hot. There’s a pitcher of water, and Janet drinks it, and Jack starts drinking it, and Janet dies near-instantly, and Batman smacks the water out of Jack’s hands but Jack still ends up completely paralyzed and put into a coma. (— Rite of Passage)

- Fun fact: Janet’s funeral was Christmas eve

- it’s only after his mother’s death and father’s hospitalization that he goes to Paris (keep in mind, Batman did not force him to go, Tim wanted to!) to train under Rahul Lama, and then with Lady Shiva. (Robin mini 1)

- he doesn’t actually get trained by Shiva in the run, but it’s vaguely implied

- Fun fact: Tim actually kills Lady Shiva once (i forget what the storyline’s called, but it’s somewhere in Robin 52-55 ish)

- OH YEAH, Jason Todd was NOT Tim’s Robin. Tim Drake has been Dick Grayson’s #1 fanboy since the circus. He could not care less about Jason

- Fun fact: early in his Robin career, he hallucinated Dick and Jason as Robin (even though Dick was very alive) giving him advice

- He had friends outside of YJ. Like his best friend Sebastian Ives, his friend Callie, his (ex) girlfriend Ariana Dzerchenko, and a good bit more.

- he started dating Steph as Robin while dating Ariana as Tim, but Ari and Tim broke up like the day after Steph and Tim got together (not because of Steph, Ari didn’t know Tim was Robin, but because of other stuff that happened. go read Robin.)

- fun fact: Tim actually didn’t have contingency plans for Young Justice/the Titans, because he actually trusts them, unlike his mentor. (this is mentioned sometime in Young Justice 1998, but I don’t remember the issue)

- Tim’s 16 (not 14 or whatever THOSE tim stans try to say) and on the Teen Titans, when the fabled and constantly over-exaggerated “Titan’s Tower incident” occurs. Tim is fully suited up in the Robin suit, he puts up a good fight with Jason (who is in an adult-sized Robin costume, by the way) until he gets knocked out. This fight leaves no lasting injuries on Tim. (Teen Titans (2003) #29)

- the whole Jason slitting his throat thing happens in a different comic. (Batman: Hush, i’m pretty sure, correct me if i’m wrong)

- Tim also kicks Jason in the nuts the next time he sees him, so there’s not really any hard feelings there.

- Tim’s dad finds out he’s Robin and makes him quit, and Steph becomes Robin. Then Steph dies and Tim’s school gets shot up and he becomes Robin again.

- Tim leaves Jack alone at their home to go find the man sent to kill him. While he’s gone, the man (Captain Boomerang) kills Jack. (— Identity Crisis #5)

- after Jack dies, Bruce offers to adopt Tim and Tim turns him down and creates a fake uncle. Batman finds out the uncle is fake, commends him on his good job of making a fake uncle, and helps him make it better. Bruce later offers again to adopt Tim and he accepts. Damian literally shows up like the very issue after this in Batman

- Kon dies, then Bart dies a bit after. And, not to hate on yall TimKon shippers out there, but he also planned to clone Bart, and also in TT03 like 50-53ish, when him and the other Titans run into their future evil selves again, their Superman (Kon) and Flash (Bart) are clones.

- All those deaths happen relatively close together and in that order, I think, when Tim’s 16-17. But comic timelines are weird, like how Tim was 15 when the Quake hit and for the year-long duration of No Man’s Land (from New Year’s to New Year’s), he stays 15.

- When Bruce “dies” and Dick (Batman) makes Damian Robin. Damian needs guidance, and Dick wants him and Tim to be equals. Dick had good intentions and did the right thing! He just didn’t have the best execution.

- When Tim finds the painting and tells Dick about it, Dick DOES NOT THREATEN TO SEND HIM TO ARKHAM. He, reasonably (considering all the losses Tim has just faced) assumes Tim needs mental help and grief counseling, and recommends him a therapist in Metropolis.

- Tim decides to just go find evidence that Bruce isn’t dead by himself, and steals the Red Robin suit and runs off without even telling Alfred (Red Robin)

- Ra’s al Ghul sends people to kill Tim at first, but Tim obviously doesn’t die and breaks Pru’s nose twice. Eventually and reluctantly, Tim accepts the League’s help and resources.

- Tim finds his best piece of evidence in a cave in the desert with Pru, Z, and Owens. right after leaving the cave, an assassin attacks them, killing Z and Owens, slitting Pru’s throat, and stabbing Tim. Tim, ACTIVELY BLEEDING OUT, brings himself and Pru to the car they used to get there, drives to a hotel, CLIMBS UP THE BUILDING TO ONE OF THE TOP FLOORS WITH PRU WHILE THEY ARE BOTH BLEEDING OUT, and passes out on the bed, where Tam Fox (sent by Lucius to go find Tim) finds them. and so do a bunch of ninjas.

- Tim had to have his spleen removed because it was kebabed with a sword and was going to rupture. Ra’s also does NOT keep it in a jar.

- during the whole LOA part of RR, Ra’s is NOT preying on Tim. there is NO ROMANCE THERE. (no offense if you see it or think it’s implied, but to me it’s just really not?) its just RESPECT.

- with the whole bases exploding thing, its because the Council of Spiders was there and also he just doesn’t like the LOA. he gave them like 15 seconds to get out, obviously all the assassins managed to get out of the massive, complex bases in 15 seconds. (comic logic: if it’s not specified that it did kill them, then it didn’t.)

- the whole “Damian cutting Tim’s line” is also very exaggerated. Damian did it because of Tim’s “Hit List” and because Damian was on it. and Tim fell a few feet, caught himself, then fought Damian (neither won because Dick broke it up because they were literally right in front of THE alley.)

- not really a timeline thing, but in general, tim is VERY against murder. Part of the reason for this is Batman’s morals, which he built his own around, sure. But I think an even BIGGER part of his moral code is just to not become evil future gun Batman. And evil future gun Batman has no qualms against murder, he even killed Damian.

that’s pretty much the main stuff i wanted to touch on. LMK if i should add anything else or if i got anything wrong, thanks!!

No hate if u use the fanon stuff btw, i just know that a lot of people don’t read the comics and don’t know the actual information.

If you want pictures of some of these events from the comics, just lmk and I’ll provide

[midsummer-semantics]

under the dancing lights

Small break while I do a million other things but here's *checks calendar* day 16 of @steddieangstyaugust.

Prompt: Halloween

Rating: Teen and Up

Tags: Underage Drinking, Cemeteries, Canon Complaint (question mark???), Ambiguous Ending

divider by @steddiecameraroll-graphics

He isn’t sure why he’s out here. It’s not like there’s anything left, anything calling him to action. The kids are old enough to trick-or-treat without supervision, Robin is with Vicky at a party he didn’t want to third-wheel to, and everyone else…

The point is, traipsing through Roane County cemetery on Halloween night seemed like a good idea when Steve is three Jack and Coke’s deep and unsure of where he fits into the regular world. He bought a dozen flowers on the way here just before the shop closed for the evening, like he couldn’t risk showing up to the cemetery empty-handed for some reason. 

Barb’s grave is overrun with flowers 365 days a year, three years running. Steve leaves several of the carnations in the bundle he carries at the tombstone, begging forgiveness as he does every few months. He hasn’t told Nancy what he does, even when he’s accompanied her a few times. He simply stays silent, lets Nancy grieve, and returns a few weeks later to replace the dead ones when no one is paying attention.

Next is Bob Newby, whom he didn’t know, but the kids did, so he drops a couple of flowers off out of perfunctory expectation.

Billy is the one of the hardest, his grave near Steve’s dad’s grandparents’ joint plot. He tends to spend a little more time here, aware of how the plot feels under his knees, remembering how Max looked as she lifted in the air under Vecna’s influence. Sometimes, Steve comes just to sit, to stare at Billy’s name and curse his existence, even if it brought him Max. Other times, Steve sits and talks, tells his rival how his step-sister is doing, how Steve learned to plant his feet, how regardless of what a piece of shit he was, no one deserved to deal with the bullshit the Upside Down had to offer. He leaves one flower out of obligation, but he doesn’t linger like he normally would.

He leaves a few at Chrissy’s grave, not just because she died, but because he knew her, even vaguely because she was a cheerleader while he was still on the basketball team. And because Eddie would want him to.

He flips off Jason’s grave as he passes it.

Three years — less than, technically— since the first death. Almost three years since Steve took Jonathan’s nail bat and made it his weapon of choice against the monsters that lurk beneath their feet. 

Over half a year since Max went into a coma that doctors — UD connected or otherwise — or Eleven haven't been able to wake her up from. 

Seven months since Eddie Munson was added to the list of people Steve couldn’t save.

The sun has dipped well past the treeline on the edges of the cemetery by the time he reaches Eddie’s grave. There’s no one else around, thankfully, but Steve knows it’s only a matter of time before some idiot high school kids make their way to the cemetery to get trashed and try to see a ghost or fuck near one of the graves. He should know, he was one of those idiot kids not too long ago.

There’s writing on Eddie’s headstone, scrawling letters spelling out MURDERER in red spray paint. One of the R’s is backward, Steve notes, rolling his eyes, a gesture that makes his vision swim a little. It’s not the worst thing that’s been blasted across the headstone since it was placed, but it’s by far the dumbest. He sets the remaining flowers down at his feet as he crouches to examine the writing closer. It’s dry, but it can’t have been there for more than a few days considering he was just here for Eddie’s birthday and had cleaned the last slur himself. He should have brought a bucket and brush instead of the stupid flowers, but he’s a little wobbly from the alcohol and the idea of going back to his car for any reason other than to go home and pass out alone sounds terrible. He’ll come back tomorrow and clean it, plus whatever gets done to it tonight probably. Maybe he should have brought his nail bat. Camped out next to Eddie’s grave and waited to see who exactly is doing it so he can make sure they know never to do it again.

Steve loses his precarious balance, falling back on his ass in the cold, damp grass with a soft “oof!” The flask in his back pocket digs into one cheek, and he shuffles around until he can extract it, then leans back on one hand while the other holds the cool metal.

“Probably stupid to drink more, but I doubt you’d give me shit about it,” Steve says to the grave, holding the flask up like he’s making a toast before closing his eyes and taking a swig. He actually hates whiskey, but it was all that was in the house since it’s his dad’s favorite, and beggars can’t be choosers.

Still, he coughs a bit as the straight liquor burns a path down his throat — he really should have brought some kind of chaser with him, but hindsight and all that — and then lays back on the grass as soon as it clears.

He keeps his eyes closed, breathing through the slight roil in his stomach, and imagines what it would be like if he simply sank into the ground beneath him. Not like if vines were to spring up and drag him under, but if he just slowly melted into the earth the way one feels like they’re melting on a really plush mattress.

It’s only a slight comfort that the grave he’s lying on is empty. Otherwise, his vision of being swallowed by the earth might come with the extra twist of Eddie’s hands dragging him down Evil Dead-style. 

He snorts to himself, his head lolling back and forth a bit. Eddie would have loved that reference, he knows it. He may not have known him for long before. . . before, but he’s sure of it regardless.

After a moment, he brings his hands up to rub the heels into his eyes, waiting until he sees stars before he opens them. The stars continue to blink for a few seconds as his eyes adjust to the inky black sky.

Wait.

No.

There are stars dancing. Little lights swaying to and fro in front of his face, with more popping up around him. He turns his head in awkward directions against the grass, knowing he’s getting foliage in his hair the whole time, watching as more blink to life.

He shuts his eyes again as he sits up, but when he reopens them, they’re still there. It’s too late in the year for fireflies, too cold this late at night at the end of October, and yet the lights dance regardless. 

“Whoa,” he breathes, feeling a distinct sense of deja vu to when he was blitzed out of his mind on Russian truth serum and staring at the ceiling of Starcourt.

One of the stars comes close to him, wisping against his cheek like a tickling feather before flying away. Another does it to his left arm where he’s holding himself up, another to his hip where his shirt has ridden up slightly under his windbreaker. Steve giggles uncontrollably as another brushes his forehead and he turns his head to follow them. There’s another, and another, and another, and as he reaches out to catch one—

“Having a good night, big boy?”

[cloakedsparrow]

Bat Family AU wherein it’s Janet Drake who survives the Obeah Man’s attack instead of Jack.

Tim’s already Robin, she’s in the coma, and all that. However, when she wakes up, things are a little different. She still buys the mansion next door to Wayne Manor, but she’s happy to accept any help Bruce wants to offer in regards to Tim so he can just say “I’m going to Bruce’s” and she’ll just check that he either did his homework or is bringing it with him. She doesn’t expect Tim to help with her treatment or transport and certainly doesn’t expect a fourteen year old to help out at Drake Industries.

She hires a physical therapist to visit the house every day (Dana, so she’s still a part of Tim’s life, if in a slightly smaller role). She still hires Mrs. Mac as their new maid. She also hires a driver, as well as a new COO to help her bring Drake Industries back after it had gone stagnant in her absence.

The twist? The COO is Talia Head (aka Talia al Ghul).

When Janet learns that Talia has two sons -one, barely a few years older than Tim, the other, a few years younger- she suggests they move into the mansion with them while Talia looks for a place (it works out well enough that they end up staying long-term). Talia introduces Bruce and Tim to Damian early (Jason initially hides out in her side of the mansion since he’s not ready to see Bruce yet and Talia is not forcing his hand on that). Damian is still a spoiled brat at first, but since they’re introduced as allies rather than rivals, Tim and Damian end up getting along great once he’s settled down a bit (and with Talia, Janet, and Jason working together to help him).

Talia killed the Joker upon moving to Gotham (no way was that clown getting near any of her boys again) so while Jason’s mad at Bruce, he still feels he has a parent who loved him enough to cross that line. It also helped to counter Shelia’s betrayal a little and balance out his feelings about parents overall, particularly his mother figures. One mother loved him and tried her best but was given a bad hand, another gave him up to the Joker to save herself some trouble, the last severed ties with her father (whose thumb she’d been under for hundreds of years) and risked the ire of the man she loved to protect him.

The younger boys (Tim & Damian) pretty much split their time between Wayne Manor and the Drake Mansion.

Which gives Janet and Talia plenty of time to build up Drake Industries and take over the Court of Owls on the side.

Instead of making/controlling the talons as the previous Court did, they put them to rest and just send Jason or a few of Talia’s trusted assassins (including Pru, who came to Gotham with her) to fill in the role.

Jason learns more about how and why Tim became Robin this time, so while he’s still pissed at Bruce, he doesn’t take any of it out on the Boy Wonder or anyone else. He even helps with Tim’s training (and his English homework). Jason still takes over a good portion of the Gotham drug/arms circuit and gets to do his big dramatic reveal to Bruce/Batman after fucking with him a bit, only it’s as Talon. His new plan is more of a Bat-level EXTRA guilt trip that keeps going on even after he’s started accompanying his little brothers to the Manor. And he’s a little more focused on protecting his little brothers.

Until Jason decided he wanted the do said big dramatic reveal, Bruce had no idea that the Court of Owls was real or that Janet and Talia had taken it over. He knew something had shifted in Gotham, some cases were going too easily and someone was taking out certain threats before they could become an issue. He’d be working under the theory that there was a new vigilante in town.

It had honestly been driving him a little nuts that he couldn’t find them -that’s part of why Jason decided they needed to get everything out in the open, it was stressing out Tim & Dami.

Neither Janet nor Talia will bow to Bruce’s wishes regarding anything, and he won’t bow to theirs, so the three of them end up working together as equals in a way Bruce doesn’t usually do. He ends up actually liking it, as it makes life a lot less stressful when he isn’t assuming full responsibility for everything and everyone around him.

Alfred, Clark, and Diana have each thanked Janet and Talia in their own way. Dick thanked Janet but he still doesn’t like Talia.

When Cass enters the picture, she gets two honorary moms, Babs gets to just be the cool big sister without all the extra stress, Jason, Tim, and Damian are immediately her adorable little brothers who would totally kill for her, and Bruce is a notably less emotionally constipated control freak, so she has a much easier go of everything.

Cass stabbed some asshole in the throat?

Talia: “It’s isn’t as though he died, Beloved. And good job not getting blood all over your new suit, Cassandra, dear.”

Janet: “It was HIS knife, Bruce. She was defending herself. I don’t know about you, but I would certainly prefer that Cassie comes home in one piece over her being more gentle with the criminals you encourage her to confront.”

Jason: “What, you’d rather have ANOTHER dead kid on your conscience, old man? Then maybe stop sending KIDS out to do your dirty work while expecting them to hold back against MURDERERS, PSYCHOPATHS, and TERRORISTS. Good job, Cass.”

Damian: “Tcht, she didn’t even do any permanent damage, Father.”

Tim: “Cass knew what she was doing. Aside from the visceral shock, is it really that different from hitting someone in the head hard enough to knock them unconscious? He’ll probably have less long-term damage than those henchmen you took out Tuesday night.”

Babs: “Oh, did the poor child murderer get hurt? We aren’t all in this to make ourselves feel good, Bruce. Some of us want RESULTS. Good Job, Cass. I brought some of that ice cream you liked. It’s in the freezer upstairs.”

Dick: “So, no one died; a child’s life was saved, plus any future victims if he’d gotten away tonight; two unsolved murders have been solved, so their families at least get some closure; the killer is in the hospital, under the GCPD’s watch, breathing on his own and there was no permanent damage done to his esophagus or vocal chords. What’s the problem, here, B?”

Alfred: “Forgive me, but has anyone explained the rules to Miss Cassandra beyond ‘no killing’? Because if not, then I do believe she was merely following the rule while using her skill to it’s most effectiveness. Why would she have used a series of blows to line him up for a nerve strike or knockout when she could disarm him and incapacitate him with one swift move?”

Bruce: “Alright, alright. You’ve all made your point. Obviously, we need to have a sit-down to discuss methods and motives and come to an agreement. In the meantime, I’m glad you’re alright, Casandra. And good job saving that child’s life tonight. Why don’t you get changed and take your ice cream to one of the dens upstairs to relax?”

[hanihazeljade]

Tim is a brat.

He may not show it but it's there lingering in his mind.

(Contains: Force feeding, brat, sadistic behaviour, violence)

Don't like, don't read.

A/N: Tim was always been hurt, how about make Tim hurt the people :)

Tim is a brat, but his inner brat was suppressed by the presence of Janet Lynn. Because no matter how much he was a Drake l, he is also a Lynn, and Janet will end him if he taint her prestigious family name.

He is so scared of Janet. Sure, Janet is not Joker or Two Face that will kill you at whim but Janet has a vibe in her that makes you shiver to your spine. But most of the time, Janet is not in Gotham, she was visiting countries, so Tim can let some of his inner brat free at certain level.

However, when he offer himself to the Batman, he repressed his inner brat. He needs to be mature and collective about being Robin. And he can do that.

But the news of Janet passing and Jack being unconscious to his bed change it. When the grief of Janet passing melted away, Tim's worrying about someone punishing him for being a spoiled rotten brat suddenly lift off his shoulder. There is no Janet that will look at him with such vicious eyes. Jack is in coma and will do nothing if he act up. So therefore, Tim lets his inner brat come out to life after so long of repressing it.

His normally rational thinking has now been sided with sass and confidence that he never knew. But still he kept it inside, even when Jason is taunting him, Dick is being childish and even when the new brat of Bruce's came being so hostile to him.

But then every single rope has it's own capacitance before it snapped.

It happened one day when Dick was in Bludhaven, Bruce was being forced to work by Lucius, Jason is somewhere he probably shouldn't be, and Alfred is doing grocery shopping. It was just him and the demon brat in the manor, eating brunch. Damian was eating a salad and he was eating his bacon and eggs.

Damian kept on blabbing around and insulting him, and Tim doesn't know what snapped in him, he stand up and stride over to where Damian was seating, which is just across him, and he grabbed the kid's head and slammed the kid's head to the salad.

Damian was in too shock to react to anything and it gave Tim a chance to lift Damian's face and he grabbed some bacon in his plate and force it to the kid's mouth and his hand shut the kid's mouth, forcing him to swallow the bacon. He knows the kid is vegan and maybe this is harsh but if the kid wants to be a brat, Tim will show him that he is a better brat than this kid.

"Swallow it, demon." Tim whispered to the kids ear and then observed the kid's face. Salad dressing was all over the kid's face and some lettuce and avocado was sticking to some odd places, but the one that satisfies him os the fear and the tear tracks on the kid's face.

When he heard the kid swallow, he removed his hand that was covering the kid's mouth and he grabbed Damian's face and force his mouth to open to see if he actually swallow the bacon, and when he see it was all gone, he smiled sweetly at the kid and grabbed another bacon and force it again to the kid's mouth.

Damian is now struggling, but he has no match to Tim. Sure the kid was raised by assassins but his small stature is nothing comparable to Tim.

"You already ate one, you can do another." Tim snarked at Damian. "Eat it, demon." The kid sniffed as if he was an abused animal. "Stop the waterworks, you are not a baby."

The late morning was spend with Tim forcing Damian to eat his bacon and eggs and he may, or may not, slammed the kid's head to the salad just because he felt lile it.

'Maybe the kid will learn his lesson on how to act appropriately.' Tim thought as he smiled at his own thoughts.

"If you told anyone about this, they will tell Bruce and Bruce will kick you out because you are weak baby." he said to the kid who was crying and forehead was forming a bruise and left.

[andi-dromeda]

This is art for my New All Caste au. Basically, Jason wants to rebuild the all caste in order to keep the culture alive and also to have more people who can fight the untitled. Since Essence is busy sharing a body with Isabel, Jason decides he’ll do it on his own. He was the only human to be able to learn how to wield the all blades and the all blades are connected to his soul so he uses some random magic item to find people with souls like his. The two people he finds first are Tara and Grant. So now he has to redeem them according to all caste standards so murder is fine but other than that Jason’s got his work cut out for him.

In this au, they did all die at some point but stayed dead long enough for all of them to have ended up roughly the same age. Originally when Jason was 13, Tara was 15 and Grant was 20 but now they’re all roughly twenty. I keep saying ‘roughly’ because Jason was in a coma and unresponsive for a bit so if you ignored that year then he’d probably be more like nineteen.

Also, since I don’t think I’d be able to handle the whole cannon Tara and Slade situation with the gravity it requires and since I just prefer them to have a slightly messed up mentor mentor dynamic, Slade never groomed Tara. Or at least not that kind of grooming. He still probably wasn’t the best to her but nothing romantic or sexual ever happened. He treated her and saw her just like the rest of his kids so whilst she’d still have issues because of him, it won’t be those kind of issues.

Once Grant came back to life he decided not to reconnect with his family because whilst he did miss Joey, this was his chance to have a life completely separate from his parents and he wasn’t going to pass that up. Mostly he just hung out with his old pall Jade and did jobs with her until Jason showed up.

Jason met Tara first and when he gave her his sales pitch she was living with Slade, Tanya, Rose and Poppy. She’d just gotten into a fight with Slade and took up Jason’s offer because he promised health insurance, dental, free food, living in the Chamber of All where no one but Jason and S’ara could get to, and getting magic swords by the end of it which she could brag about to Rose sounded like a pretty good deal. However, after her many bad experiences she isn’t exactly the most trusting person so gave him a fake name - Rocky. (I know it’s silly but if she used Terra as an alias, Rocky isn’t completely out of the question.)

When he gave the pitch to Grant, Grant said he’d go if he got payed and after being Red Hood for a while Jason had gotten a lot of money he mostly just spent on reinvesting in Gotham but still had more than he knew what to do with. He figured rebuilding the all caste was a good enough goal to spend money on so agreed and Grant joined the team.

From there they take a while to get along with each other. They take even longer to figure out who everyone is. Grant never heard of Tara and Jason only heard bits and pieces from Dick when he’d visit but Dick never talked a lot about her because either she’d already betrayed them or was just a plain headache to deal with. Grant died before Jason became Robin so would only know him as the Red hood guy whose friends with Jade’s ex and Tara would have probably only heard about Jason through Rose. Granted she wasn’t paying that much attention. Whilst they all vaguely know the others are capes too, no one actually bothered to mention their identities so it takes Tara inviting them to a family dinner for them to all figure out who the others are.

Also random things:

Terra loves to wind Grant up because he reacts more than Jason. Jason and Grant are the first to start getting along and bond over their shared interests like swords, hating Dick Grayson and some niche metal band no one else has ever heard of. Whilst Jason teaches them to meditate, Tara likes to move rocks until someone else notices. One time she made the ground she was sitting on hover up to ten feet in the air until Grant noticed (if you ask him, he’ll say he realised she was gone because it was too peaceful).

@autisticrosewilson

[nerdthatsiriuslylovesteaxx]

Helpless part 52 I don't want to die young

"I- I need to speak with Chiron."

"Can't you see we're trying to play poker over here?" Mr. D had answered,

"What has happened William?"

"It's... about Nico..."

"Come, let's walk." He felt guilty doing this, he knew it was the right thing but it felt wrong, it felt like a betrayal.

"You... you know he's been in the infirmary a lot?"

"Side effects form the war, I'm presuming." They were inside the forest, travelling through familiar routes, this one, Will knew. It lead to a lake if you knew where you were trying to get to.

"Partially, the magical stuff yes but two of the times-" He took a breathe before continuing, no matter how many patients he'd had for the same reason he'd never told Chiron, they all asked him not to and it had never gotten to the point where they were in emergency care. "-it was himself, first time with- cuts, last night Jason found him passed out, trying to drink himself to death." He choked back tears, trying to remain neutral was the best option.

"How is his condition now?"

"We're unsure whether he'll wake up, he- he's probably going to be in a coma for a while." He hated that it was true, he hated the chance that he wouldn't, he hated that he had to say all of this.

"You don't want to be telling me this." His voice, the same calm, still, voice that left you doubting the next response.

"I- it's- he- he didn't want you to know, I feel like I'm betraying him."

"I see, is this the first case?" It wouldn't be a good idea lying to him, he knew that, but he also knew that he'd have to tell him things he'd been dreading to say.

"Not even close, I've had at least seven, sadly-" Another breath, this was going to be fine. "-I've seen so many dead with a note because I never knew they needed help, and neither did anyone else." He looked off, Will tried reading his expression but it was pointless, it was as if the mist was covering his face, hiding every single detail.

"I would hope you're still regularly checking in with said patients? Making sure it hasn't been continuing, helping if it has and even if it hasn't being there as perhaps not a therapist but... more a concerned friend?"

"Y-yes I've been doing that, I've sometimes kept people in the infirmary but I can only do that if they're being a danger to themselves and there limit of a week." He held his breath between every sentence, it was breaking him to say all of this but he had to keep himself calm.

"We'll be changing those as quickly as possible, you're entitled to keep anyone in for as long as you feel like they need help however you still need either their consent or a guardians." Will nodded, he'd not asked him for a list yet, this was going as well as it could. "Do you have anyone for people to talk to before things escalate?"

"Yes but- most people don't come before that, even less come willingly; people are too scared to ask for help on their own. We've tried to advertise it more however it's never really done much, no one wants to reach out no matter how much they need help."

"Could you please inform me of who these people were?" Too many, too many people are hurt, too many people deserved better, too many people have had lives so hard you can't blame them for wanting to end it.

"It's confidential." Leo, Annabeth, Percy, Selina, Nico, the list went on.

"I need to know who to keep an eye on."

"I've been doing that, half of them died in battle or suicide so they don't really affect you." He snapped, shit, no, he needs to watch his tone. He dreaded what the look on Chiron's face would be yet he was treated with the same, calm, blank expression that had been resting on his face the entire time.

"I can be sure you're taking care of them? Weekly to monthly therapy depending on how much they need it? Keeping them in if required?"

"You can count on me." Because he was meant to be the stable one.

***

[headkiss]

heyy can i request an angsty steve x reader where it's post s4 where Eddie's dead and max is in a coma and reader has survivor's guilt and end up breaking down infront of Steve and saying something like why is she still alive when so many who don't deserve to die have died? and steve is just losing his mind that she can think something like that when she is the only one keeping him sane through all of this.

i love your writing. thank you ♥️

hiii i hope this is somewhat what u asked for!! tw talks of death and survivors guilt | 1.1k angst and hurt/comfort

You couldn’t stop thinking about Max. About Eddie. About every single person who didn’t make it because you couldn’t stop it this time. You couldn’t save them.

Well, except Jason Carver. You hated him anyway.

It was the hardest thing to go through. Losing two of your friends and feeling helpless through it all. Feeling guilty for being alive when they’re not around. You know Max is technically alive, but she’s not awake. She’s not talking and making her sarcastic comments.

You haven’t been able to bring yourself to visit her and you hate yourself for it.

Even today, when Steve kissed you gently on the head before leaving and asked if you wanted to come along, you shook your head and sunk into the couch.

You think the only thing keeping you going is Steve.

Even if you haven’t told him exactly what’s been bothering you, what’s been haunting your mind, he’s there. He holds you at night and talks you down from nightmares, he kisses your forehead or cheek or nose every chance he gets. He knows that you need him, he needs you, too.

While Steve was at the hospital with Max, taking a shift so Lucas could go home and shower and change before going right back, you tried to distract yourself. You tried to watch TV but even that was crowded with the recent events. You tried to read your favorite book again but your eyes wouldn’t focus on the pages.

You ended up sitting against your headboard, knees tucked to your chest and tears streaming down your face.

It was inevitable, the breakdown. The dam finally collapsing.

The thoughts were inescapable. You made it. So many people didn’t. Why should you be alive?

Steve was worried about you. Of course he was. He worried about you all of the time but it was worse now, like you’d shut down completely. You didn’t talk as much, giving him single word answers and nods instead. He doesn’t even remember the last time you smiled.

It’s breaking his heart.

He knows this is hard, he knows. He just wishes you would let him hold your hand through it, that you’d tell him what’s wrong so he could lift some of that weight from you. It’s not like he can’t relate to you. He can never stop his voice from cracking when he talks to Max, blinking back tears.

He hadn’t known him long but he swears he can still hear Eddie’s boisterous laugh sometimes. He filled up so much space that his absence is too noticeable.

When Steve comes home, he thinks he can feel his heart crack right down the middle at the sound of your crying. The kind of sobs that make it hard to breathe. He kicks off his shoes, stumbling, and all but. sprints to your shared room.

“Honey,” his voice is a lifeline, it draws you back to reality at least a little bit. His face is split with worry and sadness and you hate that you being upset is making him upset.

“I’m- I’m sorry,” is all you can say.

Steve rushes to sit beside you, to pull you into his chest and wrap his arms around you. Your hands grip onto his shirt, your face tucked in his neck and tears wetting his collar but he doesn’t care. He just wants to be there for you, and this is the first time you’ve let him see you emotional since everything happened.

It’s a while before you calm down enough to talk to him. Minutes or hours, you aren’t sure. All you know is that Steve’s still there, one hand holding the back of your head and the other running up and down your back.

When you pull your head back to look at him, you notice a couple tears have escaped his eyes, too. You pull your sleeve over your palm and wipe them away.

“Talk to me,” he starts, voice quiet and soft, comforting. “I’m here.”

“It’s so unfair.”

“What do you mean, honey?” He understands, partially, but he wants to know every single thing running through your head. He wants to know so he can help. All he wants to do is help you.

“How come I get to be here, breathing on my own and practically in perfect health when other people are dead. Eddie’s gone and Max might not even wake up,” it’s like you can’t stop yourself from talking, now that you’ve started every thought is spilling from you. “It feels wrong to be alive.”

If Steve’s heart wasn’t broken before, it definitely is now. He can’t imagine a world without you in it and he hates that you feel guilty for living. He can’t think of anyone he wants around more than you.

“I just feel so bad. Like I should be in that hospital bed, not her. She’s so young and-”

“Hey,” he stops you, hands holding your face so that you look at him, his eyes look sad, but they’re filled with love, too. “Max is gonna be okay. And you’re alive for a reason, you hear me?”

“But-”

“No. Please listen to me, please,” his voice breaks and he has to clear his throat to keep going. “You’re here and I know it’s hard, I do, but you are and I’m not letting that go to waste. I know how lucky we are to be okay, mostly, and I thank a God I don’t even believe in every day that you’re alive.”

“Steve.” You think he’ll make you cry again if he keeps going.

“I’m not saying that the people that died deserved to, not at all. I’m saying that there's nothing we can do to change that. I’m saying we‘re lucky as fuck, you and me, and I’m gonna live every single day knowing that. I’m lucky as fuck to have you. Don’t you dare think you’re disposable because you’re not.”

You have no idea what to say to him, how to express what all of that meant to you. So, instead, you surge forward and kiss him properly.

It’s messy and salty from your tears, but it’s enough to tell him ‘thank you,’ to push everything you haven’t been able to say into his mouth.

When you pull away, only to look at him again, you think you’ll be okay. You know there will be times where you’ll cry like you did again, where the thoughts will find you. But, you’ve been reminded that Steve is gonna be there every step of the way.

That’s enough to force you to keep going, to push and push every day until that weight gets lighter.

“I love you, Steve. Don’t know why you always know what to say, but thank you.”

He hugs you again, tight. “I love you, honey.”

[fastlikealambo]

devour me.|| modern! rhaenyra targaryen x alicent hightower x black reader

summary: after an assassination leaves your father dead and your uncle in coma, you are forced to return to the crime ridden city of king’s landing, a city run by crime bosses rhaenyra and alicent targaryen who just happen to be your exes. you thought you could just leave but this city and two of the most dangerous women you’ve ever loved are not going to let that happen.

trigger warning: dark! rhaenyra, dark! alicent, heading down yandere territory, violence, crime, eventual smut, this follows no canon at all, possessive behavior

if you’re not 18+, you shouldn’t be here. 

this is a first chapter, comment if you’d like to see me actually make this a series because I don’t know if this is complete shit or not

Before the dirt even covers your father’s grave, the vultures descend on you.

Various men in designer suits and poorly concealed guns from various families offer template condolences, giving you a scripted sympathetic expression for a total of five seconds before inquiring about your father’s shares in Driftmark Inc.

You simply thanked them for coming before attending to your cousins and aunt for the rest of the majority of the wake. You held them but no one held you, no one made sure your plate was full nor your cup of weak tea filled.

They weren’t here to comfort you,

They were there to see them.

They arrive in the middle of Jason Lannister cornering you on your way from grabbing Baela and Rhaena’s coats alone, the wake slowly but surely coming to an end.

“Your father’s wealth would be in good hands, we could come to an arrangement with The Iron Bank and put this ugly business behind us right now.”

“My father’s wealth is now my wealth and I will see it dispersed how I see fit, preferably not at my father’s wake.” You said, pushing past him only for him to grab your arm.

“I wasn’t done.” He sneered, twisting it enough for you to grit your teeth, not giving him the satisfaction of seeing you cry out.

“I think you’re quite finished Lannister.”

You see the fear in Jason’s eyes before you see them, their fleet of bodyguards parting like the sea as two of the most dangerous women in King’s Landing walk hand in hand,  bringing the entire wake to a screeching halt.  Jason’s hand immediately leaves your arm at the sight of Rhaenyra and Alicent Targaryen, his attempts to slink off are halted by Alicent who cuts off his exit.

“Put this out for me before you go, won’t you?” The redhead asked, dainty plucking the cigarette from her lips, holding it out to Jason, who nods sheepishly and held out his hand to take it from her.

It takes a second before the smell of burning flesh permeates the room and Jason runs out, cradling his burnt hand.

The wake behind you begins to clear out like children dismissed from school but you’re frozen in place.

Rhaenyra and Alicent embrace you together and you can’t help but tremble at Alicent’s lips on your cheek, Rhaenyra’s breath at your neck, her holstered gun brushing up against your side.

“How is it possible you’ve gotten even more beautiful?” Alicent asked.

“I ask you both the same thing.” You asked, giving a small smile.

“We’re so sorry to hear of Vaemond’s passing,whoever did that was not loyal to our family.   They’ll be found and dealt with, the police have already been informed we’ll be taking on an active role in their investigation.” Rhaenyra said softly.

In other words, anyone with a badge will be looking in the opposite direction when a body shows up.

This is what you were running from.

“We’d like to have you over for dinner tomorrow, you’ve been gone for so long, we’d like to catch up.” Alicent offered, but something in her voice made it distinctly not a request.

“Thank you but I'll be back home by then, my father’s house is already closed up for the winter so I'll be running the company remotely.  I have no desire to stay in King’s Landing longer than I have to, let alone while my father’s killer is out there somewhere.” You said, turning from the pair to hand your approaching cousins and aunt their coats.

“Rhaenyra, Alicent.” Aunt Rhaenys acknowledged them with a gruff nod.

“How’s Corlys? Any change?” Rhaenyra asked.

“You mean from the fact that he might never wake up? No, no change.” Your aunt spat out before looking back in your direction.  “I’ll call you when the girls and I are back home.” She said with a gentle squeeze of your shoulder.

Now it’s just you and the leaders of the biggest crime family.

“We’d prefer it if you stayed a few days, just to iron out  the details of where your loyalties lie. You’ve been gone for so long, we’re not sure you remember how it works around here, darling.” Alicent said, taking a seat but you remain standing.

“Alicent-” Rhaenyra said but you cut her off.

“I remember well enough. The  Velayrons will maintain the same long standing arrangement with your family,  you’ll receive what’s owed tomorrow when the accounts are transferred into my name with interest. That’s what you wanted to catch up on right? Outstanding debts over dinner?” You asked, a little sharper than you mean to, some tears falling.

“We’d also like to see you again, it shouldn’t take a funeral for you to come back to us.” Rhaenyra soothed, thumb brushing away tears.

“We want you back into the fold, we want you with us where you belong.” Alicent said, reaching for your hand.

“I told you I was out and nothing will change that, I don’t want any part of this.  You’ll get your money tomorrow morning, thank you for coming.” You said, straightening up and smoothing your dress.

Your ex lovers exchanged a look before standing to their feet and with a snap of Alicent’s fingers, their guards are back at their side.

“Come to dinner tonight, the kids have gotten so big, they’d be thrilled to see you.” Rhaenyra urged, but you shook your head.

“It’s best I go, I’m not built for this world, I never was, it’s not safe, I’m not safe.” You said, grabbing your own coat and pushing past them before you could lose the will power.

Guns out, two of their bodyguards block your path out but one look at their employers makes them part.

“ Come home, darling.” Alicent whispered.

“You’d be safe with us, you know that.” Rhaenyra urged but you continued into the rain, getting into a waiting car.

Barely ten minutes with them and your heart ached.

But you’re leaving now, you’d never step foot in King’s Landing again if you could help it.

“Miss Velayron, I believe there’s someone following us.”  Your driver said and you looked through the rain streaked window to see two cars with blacked out windows that weren’t there two minutes ago flanking the car.

“Can you lose them?”

Before he can answer, there’s the ear splitting sound of gunfire and  the scratch of tires and failing brakes.  You have only one thought as your car goes over the guardrails and into the water.

You should have never come back here.

[connanro]

i’m sure someone has made this list before. but i’ve recently reread the robin (1993-2009) comics and realised how Batshit Crazy tim’s time as robin was. here’s a list of major events that happened during his tenure:

obeah man???: still not clear on exactly what happened here, but his parents are both poisoned, resulting in his mom’s death and his dad’s long-term coma.

knightfall/knightquest/knightsend: the iconic arc when bane breaks bruce’s back and azrael (derogatory) temporarily becomes batman then quickly goes off the rails and tries to kill tim, forcing him to go solo and work with huntress (hashtag girlboss) before bruce returns and handles azrael

contagion: the incurable Apocalypse Virus™ threatens to wipe out gotham city and tim naturally catches it and nearly dies before bruce returns with The Cure

the final night: a sun-eater tries to Eat The Sun. tim meets impulse! robin and spoiler defend gotham city on their own during the crisis! tim’s girlfriend’s crazy mafia uncle tries to kill him after finding them in bed together (not doing the sexy. but it looked like they were gonna do it.)

cataclysm: a massive earthquake levels half of gotham, throwing the city into crisis and causing some problems in tim’s personal life as his father relocates them to keystone briefly before tim’s misery convinces him to move them back to gotham

no man’s land (a personal favourite): gotham’s post-earthquake crisis worsens and the government decides that the best solution is to declare it no man’s land. shockingly, this causes Even More Problems. there’s a whole thing where tim’s dad realises tim snuck off into the city, and the news about it makes people sympathetic enough to gotham’s (cough a rich white family’s) plight that the government decides to actually help. cass becomes batgirl!

young justice/teen titans drama!: so much went on here. i don’t even know where to begin. the whole imperiex/our worlds at war apocalyptic crisis. tim quits young justice after the thing where the justice league discovers batman’s Super Paranoid Contingency Plans™ causes the team to distrust him. he returns to the team, which is disbanded after a team-up with the titans goes badly. the teen titans is formed. general fuckery involving tim’s civilian life!

unmasked: tim’s dad finds out he’s robin, confronts batman in the batcave with a gun and forces tim to quit. steph becomes robin and cuts off contact with tim. superboy tries to convince tim to come back to teen titans, but tim insists that he’s Totally Happy Just Being A Civilian, Kon. Really. He’s Less Stressed Now That He’s Not Dealing With Constant Crises! (lying)

war games: oh god. we all know this one. gang war! gotham in peril! steph dies! tim meets evil!future batman!tim who murdered the entire rogue gallery with the gun that killed bruce’s parents. tim seriously considers killing himself to prevent this future.

identity crisis: a Mysterious Villain begins targeting families of the justice league. because tim is not allowed to have anything remotely nice, his dad is murdered (by captain boomerang, which is frankly adding insult to injury). tim invents an uncle to avoid getting adopted by bruce (really, kid? really?). bruce finds out and helps him solidify the fake uncle's identity (bruce no)

robin: to kill a bird: jason todd returns all crazy and nearly kills tim at titans’ tower (dressed in a version of his robin costume) and signs his name in tim’s blood. theatre kid much, jason?

infinite crisis: c’mon dc, you’ve done like four world-ending crises in the last decade. chill your goddamn tits. the teen titans, doom patrol, and justice society of america team up to take down superboy prime. normal superboy dies due to the fight, despite tim’s desperate attempt to find a cure. also bludhaven got nuked and tim’s stepmother gets a traumatic brain injury and is permanently hospitalised. then bruce, tim, and dick go on vacation and tim accepts bruce’s offer to adopt him! yay!

one year later: cass is briefly evil! the league of assassins tries to recruit tim, who barely escapes with his life after turning them down. then he goes a little crazy with grief, tries to clone kon, and has a brief relationship with extreme violence before deciding to break it off.

the resurrection of ra’s al ghul: damian arrives in gotham! and tries to kill tim multiple times! ra’s tries to seduce tim to the Dark Side with the promise of resurrecting his parents! tim refuses! ra’s tries to force bruce to sacrifice either tim or damian to become his new host body! tim tries to sacrifice himself but is convinced by dick to Not Do That at the last minute!

batman r.i.p.: bruce dies, but not really! fun times!

battle for the cowl: i like to pretend this doesn’t exist, because it is Stupid As Fuck. jason nearly kills tim again, but damian (!) rescues him.

red robin: dick makes damian robin. the end!

but not really

and then of course the whole red robin series (which i love) is just like. tim is passively suicidal! tim loses an entire important organ while working with the loa! tim becomes ceo of wayne enterprises then blows up the loa and ra’s almost kills him! tim is nearly raped by one of ra’s’ daughters because ra’s really wants tim’s babies! this is not dealt with at all!!! love that for him

[bisexualchrissycunningham]

you KNOW i gotta ask hellcheer for the possession headcanons. Eddie + possibly cursed, Chrissy + soft / fuzzy, and the two of them together + embarrassing or kept a secret (whichever you prefer 🥰)

I haven't been feeling very Hellcheer-y lately, and this made me a lil excited about them again, so thank you!!

Eddie + possibly cursed 

This is not my actual answer, but can you imagine if I said the answer was Chrissy's scrunchie that he took off her body and kept as a reminder of the most traumatic night of his life… and somehow it ended up being kinda cursed by Henry and Eddie was able to use it as a lingering connection to Chrissy that resulted in somehow bringing her back???? (Sorry.)

But really, the possibly cursed item Eddie owns is this plain white mug with 2 googly eyes on it that Wayne has zero recollection of ever buying in his travels, and he and Eddie just got used the unsettling feeling of it watching them at all times.

Neither of them ever dared use it. But they also never dared get rid of it.

About a year or so into the relationship, once Chrissy feels at home in the trailer, she “accidentally” smashes the mug when she’s alone. 

No one ever asks where it went. 

Chrissy + soft / fuzzy

In Chrissy and Eddie's first apartment, in the back of a drawer, there are a pair of pink fuzzy handcuffs. 

The thing is, Eddie is the one who bought them. He and Chrissy were talking about spicing things up (in fairly vague terms), and he thought she would want to ease into it with something tame like that.

He was wrong. The day he came home with the handcuffs, she surprised him with a strap on and a shockingly large dildo (he ends up being the one who has to, ahem, be eased into things). 

When Chrissy decides to try something new, she goes all in, ok!

Hellcheer + kept a secret

One of my favourite fic ideas I ever came up with for them involved them getting together that Friday night before Spring Break. She follows him into his bedroom, preventing Henry from taking her, and they spend the next few days together just falling crazy in love in secret, not telling anyone cause maybe they’re a little nervous to leave the bubble they created (Chrissy especially, because she knows there’s still something out there haunting her). 

Laura and Jason track her down at the trailer and drag her home, where Laura locks her in her room, leaving her at Henry’s mercy. Eddie keeps their days together a secret, because it’s the most intimate and real thing he’s ever experienced and now she’s in a coma cause of that monster and he can’t even begin to deal with that while he’s also being accused of attacking her and the others (the thing is, Wayne knew.. he stopped by home a couple times over those days and though Chrissy mostly hid in the bedroom, they DID meet outside the bathroom one time in the middle of the night and it was very awkward for them both). All the victims end up in a coma instead of dying, Eddie somehow still gets blamed and the gang sees no solution except to fake Eddie’s death and send him on the run with a little help from Owens’ government friends. 

Sometime after he’s long gone, Chrissy wakes up to a world where Eddie is “dead,” their relationship still a secret (Laura and Jason sure aren’t going to reveal to anyone that Chrissy sullied herself with a boy like that, right), and she’s more alone than she’s ever been. 

(Don’t worry, eventually Chrissy befriends Nancy and Robin, who tell her the truth and she goes searching for him, so there’s a happy ending.. eventually). 

Hellcheer + embarrassing

As for embarrassing… I think Chrissy has a fascination with those mall photo studios. Her family was too fancy for them (see: that creepy fucking oil painting Laura clearly commissioned) so one time as a surprise date, Chrissy drags Eddie to one. They wear lots of different outfits, but the ones Eddie makes her SWEAR she will never show anyone are the ones where Eddie is wearing the preppiest shit imaginable (a polo shirt! baggy khakis! hair slicked back in a low pony! plastered-on fake Norman Rockwell smiles and awkwardly formal hands on shoulders!) He only did it cause they were in a private room where any passersby couldn’t see, and also cause Chrissy batted her eyes at him and pleaded, telling him just how much she wanted to make a mockery of her unhappy suburban family life with the photos. Chrissy promises no one will ever see them and she means it but alas... Robin snoops.

[reineyday]

I wanna know about 1 and 2 on that list of wips!

!!! the billy ones!!!

billy has the right to be mad at the party for not even trying to save him

uhh this one is (was?) a wip that im trying to reorganize. i wanted it to be a s4 au where eddie, nance, steve & rob are in the upside down like canon, and find billy there. when billy shows himself to be knowledgeable about the area, what's been going on, and on vecna, both nancy and steve start talking to him like he's automatically gonna help them and then billy's like "uh no fuck you, get out yourselves." and it's shooting himself in the foot bc theyre he didnt even know he could leave till they showed up, but also he's had months and months alone in this hell with the guy who possessed him, and plenty of time to relive the way nancy and steve came at him with their cars and their guns so fuck them. he ends up helping cuz he's bot stupid and wants out but stull yknow. he'll be mad about it. it's still harringrove tho LOL.

my first draft of this accidentally turned into this billy & eddie friendship short fic by mistake (which u commented on! thank u!). actually, answering this really helped me out w figuring out the plot better so double thanks! 🥰

knock knock bitch

IVE BEEN SO EXCITED ABT THIS IDEA RECENTLY LOL it's a crack-taken-seriously fic that starts in max's scene with vecna in "dear billy" where she's up against the wall in that house with vecna's hand up against her face, and before he gets her or she escapes, billy's voice interrupts with a loud "KNOCK KNOCK BITCH," actually knocking on what passes for a door in the upside down creel house door, and then he comes in with a hairspray flamethrower and vecna roars like "not you AGAIN" but billy's already spraying flames at vecna and grabbing max's wrist and running.

she's panicked and confused, and then gets more panicked and confused when billy starts yelling to head over to base three and she's like??? what??? but then notices he's not yelling at her and she looks up to see chrissy cunningham, fred benson and patrick mckinney--the coma kids???--running and keeping pace with her and billy, and they all have their own makeshift weapons (billy's got an axe strapped to his back, chrissy also has a hairspray flamethrower and a bat on her back, patrick's got a crowbar and a broken hockey stick fashioned into some sort of spear, and fred has?? a crossbow????), and they all seem to know where theyre running.

there's more plot about how jason ends up starting his witch hunt against eddie and the living statuses of all of them, but yeah, the premise is that billy's been running around in the upside down being a general asshole to vecna and saving the s4 gate kids and teaching them how to survive, and ive become attached to their weapons and the kinds of conversations they have at night. they work out together to keep their cardio up. billy and patrick have talked about their abusive parents. chrissy's taught them all cheer maneouvers that have helped them get out of tight spots. fred has an archery hobby cuz i think he'd be best at long range considering how he's the only one that's not a jock lol.

max is the one that finally brings in the knowledge of how they might be able to get back to their bodies--theyve been stuck in comas, some of them with a gnarly twisted limb or two, but otherwise fine--and they start questioning how billy's there, and if he has a body in a coma too that no one knows about. 👀 havent figured out what to do about the music element waking them up thing yet tho, since max & the party already know about it at that point, and that would end the coma plot point early... yeah.

thanks for asking!!! and for always replying so kindly to my comments on ao3 lol i know u fielded a whole bunch of them just recently. cheers!!

[badpancakelol]

The One in Which a Time Loop is Fucking Exhausting, Chapter 2: NEVER ENOUGH

Steve tries harder. If he’s faster than the bats, then they can’t get him. If he ducks down for thirty seconds, he doesn’t get grabbed by the tentacle, and can still convince the others that he saw a gate. If he helps Robin and Nancy across the Creel house in the Upside Down, they can make it to the door that hides Vecna before getting choked.

He’s min-maxed his way through the loops, figuring out what wastes time, when he was to wait, how long he needs to wait. There are certain events that happen at certain times (Jason in the gun store, the cops coming to look for the kids, Max being taken) and others that shift and move with him (getting in and out the Upside Down, Nancy being taken, Eddie dying). 

This loop, sixty-four, he dives in the water, waits thirty seconds, comes back up, makes mention of the gate. They all dive down with him, Steve leading, Eddie taking the back, as they break through the pulsating redness that awaits them. 

The only problem with having to wait the thirty seconds, is that the bats are always waiting for them. From all the loops that he’s been through, he hasn’t figured out how not be dragged by the neck, back scraping against the floor of Lover’s Lake in the Upside Down. Steve’s accepted that this is an event that shifts with him.

Nancy and Robin hold down a bat and beat it to death. Eddie stakes one through the heart with a broken oar. And Steve does what he always does, what sparks the conversation, and bites the bat.

See, Steve loves Robin. Truly, he does! She’s been his best friend since working at Scoops, and he wouldn’t trade her for the world. But he’s found that she’s one of the biggest time sinks. As she opens her mouth to ramble about rabies, and Nancy starts to approach him, he rushes them to the gate.

They follow along, frantic, shell shocked, because this is the first time that they’ve seen these bats, and Steve is bleeding all over the fucking floor. He ignores the slick of blood between his toes, and the taste of it in his mouth, and pushes Robin through the gate. She stumbles and splashes, and Steve hopes that she took a breath before that, because he really does not want to be charged for her murder.

Nancy dives in after her without so much of a word, and Steve could kiss her. When all things go to shit, he can count on Nancy Wheeler reading minds. The bats screech. They’re approaching.

Steve reaches for Eddie’s hand behind him. Or, where he thought Eddie’s hand would be. There’s a cold emptiness there, and he wants to cry. He’s never fast enough. No matter how hard he tries.

He turns, slowly, away from the gate. There are scratches on the ground that he knows belongs to Eddie. Steve closes his eyes, just for a moment, and tries not to hear the voice screaming, fading, towards the treeline. 

Okay. Maybe he can’t do this.

— — —

Loop sixty-four: failure, Steve thinks, as he sits by the pool. El didn’t arrive in time, Max was in a coma, and Eddie died early. A real fucking failure, sixty-four. Steve couldn’t even keep Eddie alive for the distraction, and instead that ended in—

He tries not to think of the unskilled guitar playing, the lack of Robin in the Creel house. Steve slips his head under the water, and doesn’t think of Robin’s wide eyes as she sat, slumped, outside the trailer. He doesn’t think of Dustin’s face, his tears, as they un-barricade the doors. He doesn’t think of the empty coffins that had to be buried. He wishes that he never found annoyance in Robin's rambling, because it's all he wants to hear right now.

He breathes deep. Time for loop sixty-five.

— — — 

“Hey, wait!” Steve says. “What are your favourite songs?”

“What?”

“It’s a valid question! What if Vecna tries to take us, and we don’t know what song to play? We didn’t know Nance’s song, and that could have—” He stops. Nancy always gets released. That’s a constant, something he doesn’t have to worry about. But the kids don’t know that and Nancy doesn’t know that so he needs to shut the fuck up.

Steve finds that Robin likes Boys Don’t Cry, that Eddie likes Master of Puppets. Everybody Wants to Rule the World is Nancy’s, and Dustin’s is (of course) Never Ending Story. Max’s is still Running up that Hill, and it turns out that Lucas has started to key onto her too.

The loops pass by, and in the moments of waiting, of sitting in the water for thirty seconds, or driving the hot-wired and stolen house/van, he learns the lyrics and the melodies. In his list of songs, a mixtape to save the world, he’s added Should I Stay or Should I Go for Will and Jonathan, and Every Breath You Take for El and Mike.

(“And what’s yours, Stevie?” Eddie asked. “We’ve all had our little kumabaya, so now it’s your turn.”

Steve wants to say that it doesn’t matter. That if he’s going to be taken, to be snapped apart, that it doesn’t matter. Because his deaths don’t stick, so why even bother trying to save him, when he can just try again from the start? 

At first, he gives a bullshit song. But the loops hadn’t made him good at lying, and Robin sees right through him. She doesn’t say it, just raises her eyebrow pointedly, and waits.

He admits that Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight) is his song. Robin stops for a moment, as if something has clicked in her brain, and Max has one headphone off her ear to nod along to his justification. Something along the lines of who doesn’t like ABBA? and It’s a good song!

And Eddie? He’s staring at his hands as if the world has just been ripped apart (not so funny to make that comparison, in hindsight, Steve thinks), but Steve has already steeled himself to learning lyrics and melodies that swirl around his brain, following the fingers on a guitar).

— — — 

Once, when they’re in the woods, they switch partners. Eddie and Robin trail behind, and Steve is with Nancy. They’re talking about the future, and it hits Steve that he might just love her. He knows that she always goes back to Jonathan (a constant, his mind supplies), but he thinks, selfishly, that he’s allowed to admit this to himself, to her. 

It’s not like this loop is even going to stick.

“Nance, I think I still love you.” 

There’s nothing, for a beat. And then another. And another.

The Upside Down is silent, but not this silent, and he almost wishes that he was back at the pool, that two days would pass so that the loop would finally reset, and he could pretend that he never said that because what the fuck that was awkward.

“Steve.” 

He’s kept walking as if he hasn’t just dropped a dumb amount of emotional turmoil (three years worth, at least. More, if the loops count towards it) onto her. He hums and and doesn’t turn his head because this loop needed to be over.

“Steve, can you just look at me?” It’s not said unkindly. But she’s frustrated and tired, and covered in water and bat blood, and Steve is ignoring her and oh god even if she did like him back, he was being a total dickhole wasn’t he?

Steve turns and she’s standing there, hand on her hip, eyebrows furrowed. He knows what comes next, and he’s never even looped this conversation before.

“I don’t think we would have worked out, anyways,” Steve interrupts, before she can say it again. Before she admits that she never loved him, that they were just bullshit, and nothing more. “Just, you know, if we’re going to die tonight, I want you to know that I love you.”

He catches Robin’s eye behind him and smiles. Fucking Christ. Really had to put his foot in his mouth there, huh? But Nancy is looking at him different, as if he’s just gifted her a crucial piece of himself in the woods tonight. 

“Do you love me like you love Robin?” She asks.

It’s on loop seventy-two that he realises that he still loves Nancy Wheeler. It’s on loop seventy-two that he realises he isn’t in love with her. The days repeat the same, and nothing changes, and Hawkins is split into pieces, and people are dying, and Steve has realised that he loves Nancy like he loves Robin.

— — — 

Steve tries something different, once. He tries to change things from the start, from before he jumps out the boat. His shoes stay tied, and his jumper stays on, and Robin is clutching at the walkie. Nancy is looking at Steve, but he is making sure to look anywhere but her.

For a moment, he thinks that this is all it will take. That everything would be solved with a little cowardice.

Before he knows it, he’s been handed Eddie’s vest, slipping it on his shoulders, and the leather jacket is shucked off and thrown to the floor. He dives more gracefully than Steve would have thought. This time, he sits with the girls on the boat, as Nancy is shooting daggers his way, as Robin is holding his hand, as they count.

It hits thirty seconds and Steve knows that he’s made a mistake. He knows where the gate is, what to look for, how to be fast. Eddie doesn’t even know what he’s getting into, and now thirty seconds has passed and there’s no sign of him.

But that’s fine! That’s all good. It took pre-loop Steve one minute (maybe more) to find the gate and resurface, it just means that Eddie might get snatched and they might switch places with the bat attack and oh fuck he fucking forgot about the bat attack.

The sound of his foot tapping against the floor of the boat is probably getting on the nerves of Robin, but as two minutes pass and Eddie doesn’t surface, he makes the decision to dive.

Once he breaches the gate, slams into the floor of the Upside Down, he isn’t met with Eddie. He’s up on his feet before the bats even get close, and he jumps right back out, and that’s when he see him.

Tangled in the underbrush of the ocean, eyes wide and unseeing, floats Eddie. His hands are clasped around his throat, and Steve wants to vomit. He can feel the burning of regret and shame and guilt because why did he have to wait to dive? Steve should have just gone. What would changing the diver achieve? What the fuck did he think he was going to achieve by being a coward? 

When he resurfaces without Eddie, he gets about three words in before he’s yanked back down by a tentacle.

— — —

The next loop, he dives straight into the gate. He doesn’t wait the thirty seconds to convince everyone without being grabbed, and he goes straight through. Steve realises that the bats patrol the gates, and when he deviated from the times he had already figured out, he got hurt.

It’s the shortest loop, is all he can think. It doesn’t hurt more than normal, even though it probably should. He’s used to being dragged, and being eaten, and the feeling of teeth sinking into his skin, but it just lasts so much longer this time.

His vision fades in and out, and he vaguely registers the feeling of denim underneath his head, the whispering of his name, someone holding his hand. Steve thinks he feels rain on his face, but he’s never seen the weather change in the Upside Down.

— — — 

He dubs it The Shortest Loop. Maybe it’s because he’s started to lose count of the numbers, but he knows that diving straight through leads to imminent death, and that only raises more questions.

Steve makes a list in his mind of Things He Knows For Sure. It starts with the basics, of who always dies or gets hurt, who always lives. After that comes the horrible realisation that accompanies The Shortest Loop: Steve is not invincible. And then that spirals into more questions and more speculation, and he has to right himself again. Things He Knows For Sure. He can do that.

The loop starts as he unties his first shoe on the boat at Lover’s Lake. It never starts earlier, it never starts later.

Steve is not invincible, and he still feels pain.

Eddie always dies. 

The loop ends as he swims in his pool, two days after the battle. 

He pauses. The Shortest Loop proved that he wasn’t invincible, and that the loop didn’t end at the pool. Steve wracks his brain for the answer, and finds it quicker than he would have thought. 

The pool, two days after, where he always loops, is the threshold. He can’t go past that point until he fixes everything. There’s nothing past the events of the pool, because he hasn’t fixed things.

The loop starts on the boat at Lover’s Lake, so something must happen in the few moments there that are vital to making sure everyone lives.

If he dies early, the loop resets. 

(This one he finds interesting. And if the next loop consists of him dying early to test his theory, he finds solace in the fact that nobody will remember watching him die).

— — — 

Somewhere between the death and the…death, Steve realises that he might not be so straight. As he’s walking through the Upside Down, he notices the similarities between the women he’s had a crush on (headstrong, stubborn, sarcastic, could beat him the fuck up) and applies them to guys that he’s been maybe a bit confused about.

The first loop he dedicates to these thoughts, is filled with imagery of the boys high school locker rooms and the lack of privacy. He can’t pinpoint anyone there, though, until he gets out of the Upside Down, falling through the gate in Eddie’s trailer, and he looks at Max.

The second loop, he’s so lost in his thoughts of Billy Hargrove and the maybe-crush that he had on him before (and maybe, embarrassingly, even after) he smashed a plate over his head, that he almost misses the way that Eddie leans into his personal space and talks at him.

Steve thinks he did an alright job at pretending he wasn’t just daydreaming about a guy that quite literally gave him an A-grade concussion (and wow, he is going to shake off the reminder of being called pretty boy because— nope. Not now. Not uncovering that).

“You alright up there, Stevie? Shouldn’t be thinking so hard, might strain something.” Eddie says with that dumb fucking smirk and Steve is—

Oh.

Oh.

Oh no.

Steve begrudgingly adds curly hair to the list, and then promptly realises that he’s had a crush on every person he’s walking through the Upside Down with.

— — — 

Eddie is smiling at him again, from the driver’s seat, calling him a stupid pet name that he loves, and Steve realises that he (maybe) wants to kiss him. Somewhere between the loops he speedruns a sexuality crisis, figures out that he might have a little tiny crush on Eddie Munson.

But Eddie doesn’t know what Steve’s favourite song is, or that he’s jealous of him, too, or that he wants to co-parent Dustin with him, that he dies. He doesn’t know that Steve knows Master of Puppets from memory, or that he’s memorised the patches on his vest.

If he shifts a tiny bit closer than usual, stays back as the rest of the gang go into the gun shop (“And what if we need a quick getaway? You really want Eddie to drive?”), and talks to Eddie for as long as he can, well. 

Nobody’s gonna remember that but Steve.

[hushbats]

They say death is not for lovers (but that’s not what we are)

I think I messed myself up writing this, so be warned. Might be good if you need a good cry though. (See AO3 for tw)

Read on AO3

He was supposed to die.

That was his intent when he decided to protect Dustin and buy the rest of his ragtag group more time to fight Vecna. They’d spent the better part of a week trying to protect him and keep him hidden and safe from the cops, and the hate-fueled mob powered by Jason Carver’s rage; while at the same time trying to save the town - on the brink of destruction from what Nancy had said - from an evil wizard. He was tired; had been for a while and not for the first time. He’d been a burden much of his life, and if nothing else, he wanted to at least try to repay them in some way for their help. He couldn’t do much; he wasn’t brave like Max, or smart like Dustin, or particularly good at fighting like Steve. But he had a body and a life that he would gladly give in place of good people who possessed such admirable traits.

And so, he cut the rope and accepted his fate.

Or rather, he welcomed it – for Eddie Munson was a coward, too scared to go by his own hand, but just comfortable enough to go under the guise of self-sacrifice.

He was supposed to die – had fantasied about finally escaping his dead-end life and releasing Wayne from years of putting up with his bullshit. He knew Wayne loved him and would never turn his back on him no matter what chaos Eddie flung his way, so Eddie had to make the hard decision for him. He’d always figured he’d “accidentally” OD like his mom before him, like he’d almost done before not long after moving in with Wayne, but he’d take what he could get. This was far more metal.

1986, it was his year – he’d go out in a blaze of glory while helping those who helped him, and finally die with a smile on his face like he’d wanted. It was the best he could have hoped for. Two birds, one stone.

Except he didn’t. Dustin and Steve made sure of it.

***

Steve pulled into the trailer park at break-neck speed, the beemer kicking up ice and stones as it skidded to a stop outside the ruined trailer. He jumped from the idling car leaving the door wide open as he ran into and around the trailer shouting Eddie’s name, not caring if he woke the few stubborn residents still there – but it was to no avail; he wasn’t there. Panic was starting to grip Steve as he ran his hand through his disheveled hair. He was running out of time and places to look. There was only one other place he could think of, and so he quickly hopped back into the car and made his way to Reefer Rick’s.

Steve should have listened to Dustin from the start. Out of everyone in the party, he would know. Even if he weren’t close with Eddie, the kid was always right, even when he wasn’t, so Steve should have listened the second Dustin told him something wasn’t right.

From the very moment Eddie woke up from his near two-month coma Dustin had claimed something was off. He had insisted on spending every waking moment he wasn’t at school at Eddie’s bedside. Nothing could stop him – not even the cops who reluctantly let him under strict rules while Eddie was still in a coma, cuffed to the bed and under investigation – and so he was there to witness Eddie’s miraculous return to land of the living. And so was Steve coincidentally. He tended to spend most of his time watching over Max to give Lucas and her mom a break, but he always popped in to check on Dustin to make sure he ate and got enough rest.

It was on one such occasion that Eddie first became lucid after spending days slowing fighting the pull of the coma.

***

Steve decided to stay a while longer with Dustin after he heard there was a chance Eddie would wake properly soon. He’d been drifting in and out of consciousness and they removed the breathing tube a day or two ago. He’d figured the kid would need the extra support when Eddie eventually came to. And he was right.

“…Henderson?” Eddie croaked, confused.

“Holy shit, Eddie! You’re awake!!” Dustin cried, jumping from his perch next to the bed, tears glistening in his eyes as he tried not to fling himself at Eddie and aggravate his injuries further.

“…awake?” His brows furrowed further as if trying to decipher the meaning of Dustin’s words.

“Yeah, man, I mean, it was touch and go for while there, but you pulled through. You’re alive!” Dustin babbled excitedly.

“Oh,” was Eddie’s croaked, lack-luster response. He looked back at the ceiling above him and didn’t say anymore. If Steve didn’t know any better, he’d have almost thought he sounded disappointed.

Dustin’s face fell at the lack of enthusiastic response and Steve took that as his cue. He rose from the unforgiving plastic hospital chair tucked away in the corner of the room and made his way over to Dustin, laying what he hoped was a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“I’d better give the nurses the good news,” Steve smiled, while giving Dustin’s shoulder a supportive squeeze on his way past the boy. “It’s good to see you finally awake, Munson. You had us all worried there for a second. I thought I told you not to be a hero?” he teased lightly, before letting go of Dustin’s shoulder to make his way out of the room.

He received a huff of air in response, what he’d imagine would have been a self-deprecating laugh if Eddie had been in better health. Satisfied he wouldn’t be missed, he left the room to chase down the nurse assigned to Eddie, leaving Dustin alone with him.

By the time he’d returned and Eddie was taken for assessment, Dustin somehow looked more worried than he had sat at Eddie’s side all these weeks.

“He’ll be okay, Henderson, the worst is over now,” Steve reassured, putting an arm around Dustin in a half hug.

“I dunno, Steve. He didn’t seem much like Eddie or all that much like he was happy to be awake.”

“Well, you try having any energy for long-winded monologues and theatrics after being a demon bat’s chew toy and waking from a medically induced coma doctors weren’t sure you’d ever wake up from,” Steve joked, though it fell flat. He always kind of sucked at stuff like this. “Look, I’m sure he’s just tired and groggy. His body’s been through a lot. Give him some time to adjust and you’ll see.”

“You weren’t there, Steve. You don’t get it. Something is definitely wrong, I know it.”

Steve hesitated.

“Like, normal wrong or Upside Down wrong?”

“I dunno…normal? But now that you say it, I guess it could…no.”

“Dustin, what is it? Did he say something to you?”

“It wasn’t what he said, Steve,” Dustin snipped. His attitude often got the better of him when frustrated, faced with a particularly difficult puzzle he couldn’t quite solve. “It’s what he didn’t say,” he finished quietly, dejected.

“Just give him time,” Steve repeated lamely, unsure how to comfort his young friend.

As the weeks progressed and Eddie became stronger, Steve had begun spending more and more time with Eddie and Dustin, mainly to keep watch over Dustin, but Eddie too in case there was some Upside Down-related problem. Steve found he actually quite liked Eddie now that he’d gotten to know him a little better and they enjoyed shooting the shit and teasing the kids together. But he never really knew where he stood with him. They weren’t really close and Steve was sure he’d probably done something horrible to him while in high school. It made things kind of awkward on the rare occasion they were left alone together without a buffer.

The doctors were impressed by how well Eddie was healing up. They were planning on starting physiotherapy later in the week, but Dustin’s concerns remained. He’d tried to talk to him again about what exactly it was about Eddie was putting the boy on edge. Vague statements like, “He’s not Eddie”, and half-formed explanations like he’s not present most of the time are about the extent of the responses he’d got from Dustin on the matter up to now. But surely that was to be expected. It was a lot to process for the guy.

Honestly, Steve knew next to nothing about Eddie outside of the horrific week they spent together fighting for their lives and the little time he’d spent at his bedside. To him, nothing seemed particularly concerning. Eddie chatted with any visitors, laughed along with the kid’s antics most of the time, and he gave Steve a hard time for his own amusement. Sure, he was less animated from what Steve had remembered of him in high school, what with all the jumping on cafeteria tables and causing a general ruckus, but he figured a person couldn’t be like that all the time. Add to it the fact that Eddie was recovering from some serious injuries and it wasn’t all that difficult to come to the conclusion that he was still tired and recovering.

Even so, just in case, Steve had pressed Dustin one evening for just one solid example that would justify worrying about him while they grabbed a coffee in the hospital cafeteria, hoping he could understand his concern at least a little.

“So, you know how Eddie loves DnD, right?” Steve nodded in response, taking a sip of shitty hospital coffee from his Styrofoam cup. “Well, I’ve been trying to bring it up to him over the past few weeks about maybe putting together a one-shot to celebrate when he finally gets out of here, but he’s kinda…I dunno…avoided giving a solid answer.”

Steve waited, allowing Dustin the time to try and put what he was feeling into words.

“It’s just, anytime I bring it up he dismisses it, saying shit like ‘we’ll see’ or ‘maybe’ or ‘we have lots of time to do that later, dude’ or… whatever. It just sounds like he’s intentionally putting it off, like he’d rather do anything else. That’s just not like him.”

Steve had to agree that that was odd, but…

“Dustin, your game is full of monsters and magic, things that up until recently Eddie thought were just fun and games. Maybe now that he knows how real these things are and how close they came to killing him, he just doesn’t find it fun anymore. It might be best not to push him and let him come back to it in his own time,” Steve said, confident that was all it was.

Dustin sagged at Steve’s logical response, his eyes never leaving the rapidly cooling coffee between his hands. He slowly began shaking his head.

“If it was just that, I’d probably agree with you, but it’s that plus a bunch of other stuff that when added together just makes me think something is really wrong. I just- I just have a really bad feeling; I can’t explain it.”

“Dustin, I need you to try to explain it the best you can. Even if it sounds crazy, just spit it out and I’ll listen, man, I promise. I want to help you. You and Eddie.”

“He’s- he’s super focused on getting better and getting out of the hospital,” Dustin starts unsure, his eyes drifting to Steve for the first time since Steve brought up the topic of Eddie.

Steve couldn’t stop his eyebrows from raising. “Aaaannd, that’s a bad thing?” he questioned slowly, a tad incredulous. Dustin sighed in frustration and Steve quickly corrected his mistake. “Look, I’m just trying to underst-.”

“It is when you also refuse to make plans for when you finally get out, Steve!”

Steve blinked back dumbly at Dustin’s outburst, still failing to see the problem.

“You know what, nevermind,” Dustin dismissed, flippant in a way he often was when he was suddenly reminded that Steve was a dumb jock once. “I’m going back to Eddie’s room. Later, Steve.” He stood suddenly, the scrape of the chair echoing around the half-empty cafeteria and hastily exited the room.

“No, Henderson, wait!” Steve pleaded, but Dustin was already gone out the door, his half-drunk coffee left forgotten on the table.

***

Steve white-knuckled the steering wheel and pressed his foot down fully on the gas, driving at full speed down the forest-lined road to the place where he and Eddie first met almost a year ago – mind racing.

He should have listened, really listened, to catch what Dustin was implying. The kid probably didn’t fully understand it himself, but Steve was the adult in the situation. He should have known; he could have been more supportive of Eddie instead of keeping him at arm’s length. And what for? Because of some high school hierarchy bullshit? Because he may or may not have made Eddie’s high school life hell? Because he didn’t want to get in the way of Dustin’s new friendship? Because he felt threatened by it? It wasn’t like Eddie didn’t try with Steve. He always looked happy to see Steve and asked about him to the others often when he hadn’t been around for a while. He always made sure Steve was in on the conversation when the kids rambled excitedly around them about their nerd games. He joked and laughed around Steve – made him feel warm and welcome. He treated him like any other of his close friends. Even giving Steve pet names like Stevie and Big Boy, and faux flirting with him to make him laugh. Unlike Steve, who was cordial at best, hiding behind a veil of formality he’d learned from his years as a Harrington.

Steve should have known, but he didn’t.

In hindsight, it should have been really obvious to him the night he met Eddie’s uncle for the first time.

***

Somehow, over the months, they’d managed to miss each other, both on different schedules. Steve had made his way down to Eddie’s room from Max’s in hopes of catching Dustin before heading home, only to find a strange man sat at Eddie’s bedside instead.

“You must be the Harrington boy,” the man stated gruffly, a lifetime of heavy smoking evident in his voice. Steve nods. “’heard a lot about you. That Henderson kid could talk the hind legs off a donkey,” the man continued, rising from his seat and offering his hand. “Wayne Munson, Eddie’s uncle.”

“Steve Harrington, nice to finally meet you, sir,” he replied, shaking the man’s hand. Eddie’s uncle looked a lot like how Steve imagined him to look from Eddie and Dustin’s stories, but older, more tired and disheveled. Almost losing a family member would do that he assumed. “I’m sorry, Mr. Munson, for everything,” Steve said, feeling the need to apologize as he looked over at Eddie asleep in the bed.

“Sorry? Now, what d'ya have to be sorry about? From what I hear, you’re the reason my boy is still here with us,” Wayne said, clapping Steve hard on the back. “And, it’s Wayne.”

Steve cleared his throat awkwardly at the praise. “It was nothing, sir- I mean, Wayne. Anyone would have done the same, I just happened to be there.”

Wayne looked somewhat doubtful at that, and Steve felt a pang of guilt when he realized, they probably wouldn’t have – they would have made sure the job got done. Neither of them spoke for a moment until the prolonged silence became unbearable for Steve. He cleared his throat again to get Wayne’s attention from where it had wondered back to Eddie.

“Well, I better be going, Wayne. Again, it was nice meeting you and sorry for barging in. I thought it would have just been Dustin here. Have a good night.”

Wayne hesitated momentarily, seeming to debate something.

“Let me walk you out, Steve, it’s the least I could do,” Wayne offered, his hand at Steve’s back, leading him out of the room. “’sides, I need to stretch these old bones a’ mine every once in a while, and these darn hospital chairs ain’t helpin’ nothin’.”

A surprised Steve was herded out of the room before he could refuse the offer, and Wayne quietly closed the door to Eddie’s room behind him.

Most of the walk to the main hospital doors three floors down was filled with small talk about Wayne’s job at the plant and Steve’s ongoing search for employment since Family Video fell victim to what those outside of the know claimed was an earthquake. Steve figured Wayne was working up to something and he gave him the space to do so. His efforts proved fruitful when Wayne stopped Steve just as they exited the main hospital doors into the dusk.

“Steve, ya’ seem like a real nice kid, and you’ve done more than enough saving my boy, but if it’s not too much trouble, d’ya think you could keep an eye on him?”

“On Eddie?” Steve was surprised. Eddie had more eyes on him than ever, most of them professionals at that, the best doctors and nurses the government could spare, they’d made sure of it. Steve couldn’t fathom why he was singled out specifically by Wayne but he thought maybe it might have had something to do with Dustin. Steve’s confusion at the request must have been evident as Wayne continued.

“Eddie ain’t had the easiest of lives,” Wayne began, choosing his words carefully. He seemed to be considering how much he should tell Steve. “Hell, that kid ain’t caught a break from the day he was born. Y’know, we used to joke when he was a baby that he’d be an unlucky kid, what with him being born on Friday the thirteenth and all,” Wayne chuckled sadly.

Steve wordlessly listened as the old man spoke. Whatever he wanted to say seemed to be difficult for him to talk about but Steve had time.

“When Eddie came to live with me, I hadn’t seen him since he was knee-high to a grasshopper, and he wasn’t the same rumbunctious kid I remembered either. His daddy, my younger brother, was an alcoholic with a real mean streak, and that’s putting it nicely. And his momma…well, that’s Eddie’s story to tell. Point is, that kid’s been through some shit most folks can't even bare to imagine, and you don’t come out the other side of what Eddie went through at that age unscathed, if you know what I mean.”

At Steve’s hesitation, Wayne steeled himself and brought his hand to Steve’s shoulder pulling him so they were eye to eye, willing Steve to understand.

“Steve, this ain’t the first time – hell, it ain’t even the second time Eddie’s faced death in his young life, and I’m worried it won’t be the last. You understand what I mean, Steve?”

Wayne levelled Steve with a meaningful look. Steve thought he understood and figured even if he didn’t, he could do what Wayne asked of him regardless. And so, he nodded. If there is one thing Steve knows he’s good at, it’s protecting others no matter the cost to himself. Eddie was one of them now and if Wayne was worried about an angry mob or a swarm of demon bats coming for Eddie, then they’d have to get through Steve first.

“Just keep an eye on him for me, okay? I can’t be ‘round as much as I’d like and I reckon he likes you, Harrington,” Wayne smiled and winked, patting him on the shoulder before disappearing back into the florescent lights of Hawkins General.

***

Steve glanced at the clock on the dash; 7:04 a.m. Come on, come on, come on, FUCK! He cursed his car for not moving fast enough up the ice-covered hill. He’d been looking for Eddie for over thirty minutes. It was still dark but he could see first light of morning struggling against the snow clouds to the east. He was running out of time.

Why didn’t he just listen and take everyone’s concerns seriously instead of burying his head in the sand? Why did it have to take a frantic phone call from a sobbing Dustin Henderson at an ungodly hour of the morning – and three days before Eddie was due to be released from the hospital – to open Steve’s eyes to the truth? The truth that Eddie was struggling – fighting demons far more unknown and insidious than anything the Upside Down could produce.

***

“Whoa, whoa, slow down Dustin,” Steve instructed, adrenaline pumping through his veins, making his heart pound rapidly against his ribcage at Dustin’s destress. Steve prayed this wasn’t the Upside Down making its long-awaited comeback. “Take a deep breath and start again.”

He could hear Dustin take two quick shaky breaths before he launched into a slightly more coherent explanation.

“Steve, he’s gone…Eddie’s gone…he’s not at the hospital.” Steve was about to explain it away. Eddie was a grown ass man and he could discharge himself at any time, but he froze, an icy dread running through his veins and accumulating in the pit of his stomach with Dustin’s next words as everything clicked for Steve. “I found his guitar on my doorstep this morning with a note saying to take good care of her and that he was sorry. Something bad is going to happen, something really, really bad.” Dustin’s voice became small, chocking back his tears. “You gotta believe me this time, Steve, please. I think…I think he’s going to hurt himself. You gotta find him, Steve, I’m begging you,” the boy gasped through his quiet sobs unable to keep them back any longer.

Steve was in shock. How could he have been so blind?! Looking back over Eddie’s recovery, it was all there in front of him. It seemed so obvious now. Steve cursed his dumb brain for its inability to read between the lines or pick up on the worrying signs in Eddie’s behavior. He’d thought he was doing well – Eddie had said so himself, even the doctors said so. So, it never even crossed Steve’s mind that while Eddie’s body was healing well, his mind was rapidly betraying him. Those closest to Eddie did know though, and Steve didn’t listen. If Steve had gotten over his insecurities and let himself become closer with Eddie, he’d have known. He felt sick and helpless. He suddenly wished it had been the Upside Down; he knew how to fight that and protect others – but how do you protect someone from their own mind? He had to shake himself out the shock and the spiraling train of thought. Dustin needed him to be the adult in this situation. Time was of the essence. He had to find Eddie asap, before it was too late.

“Okay, it’s okay Dustin, I believe you,” Steve reassured, grabbing his keys from the bowl next to the phone. “I’ll head out now, see if I can find him. Any idea where he’d be?”

“No. The note didn’t say anything else.” Steve sighed feeling a migraine coming on triggered by the rush of panic; he couldn’t think where best to start his search. Dustin continued, “but I don’t think he could have gone far. There wasn’t much snow on the guitar when I found it even though it’s been snowing on and off all night.”

Smart kid. Well, that was something at least.

“Does Wayne know Eddie’s going to-” Steve stopped himself, unable to bring himself to say it, “that Eddie is missing?”

“I- I dunno…you’re the first person I called” came Dustin’s shaky reply. “He’s probably not back home from his shift yet.”

“Call him as soon as you hang up the call and keep calling until you get him. He’ll have a better idea of where Eddie might be and know where to look, then radio me.”

“Okay. I should radio the party, too. The more people the better, right?”

“No,” Steve objected loudly. The minute those kids find out they’ll be on their bikes to help search and God only knows what they’d find. There’re too young for any of this, and they’ve been through a lot already – especially Dustin. He’d watched Eddie almost die once already and the kid was a mess. There’d be no coming back from it this time if the worst was to happen. He could hear Dustin’s protests through the line bringing him back to the problem at hand. He had to think quickly.

“No, we don’t need to worry the others yet; it could be nothing. Call Hop instead. He can put together a search team in no time, okay?”

“Okay,” Dustin replied, sounding lost.

“I need you to stay put at home by the phone and radio, Dustin, okay? That’s best way you can help Eddie, alright?”

“I got it, Steve. Just…just promise you’ll get him back safe.”

Steve heart broke for the kid and he had to look up to keep his own eyes from welling up. He had to stay strong. Dustin was trusting him with this and he didn’t want to let him down again.

“I’ll do what I can, Dustin, I promise.”

***

Steve was pulled from his thoughts when his headlights brought Rick’s house into view through the light snow that had begun to fall again. The beemer careened into the driveway and came to a halt outside. He wasted no time running straight to the house first, kicking the door in and screaming for Eddie, not caring about the potential future misdemeanor charge. Steve made quick work of the rooms, bracing himself for what he might find behind each door and being equal parts thankful and disappointed each time they came up empty.

With the house out of the way, Steve booked it to the boat shack at the back over-looking the lake, his heart racing making him feel like it was going to explode out of his chest. It was by pure chance that he saw it in his frantic haste to get to the boathouse. His eyes just so happened to sweep the lake as he ran by, and a sudden movement stopped him in his tracks. Out on the water, just visible through the flurries and pale morning light, a figure with wild curly hair tumbled from a small rowboat into the frigid lake water below.

“EDDIE!”

***

Eddie Munson was a human cockroach – notoriously hard to kill. Many had tried including himself, but it never seemed to stick. It would this time; he could feel it.

Eddie stared at the little pills in his hand. He had easily located Rick’s stash in its uninspired hiding place under the floorboards in the bedroom, and grabbed about two dozen heavy duty sleeping pills, a small baggie of Special K, and a half empty bottle of whiskey to wash it all down. He drank from the whiskey bottle and admired what he could see of the shoreline as light began to bleed through the horizon. Hawkins sure did look beautiful when you knew you were leaving it.

He glanced at his watch. 6:52 a.m. No point in delaying it any longer. He popped the pills four or five at a time and chased it down each time with a mouthful of burning whiskey.

His life had gone to shit fast since the week from hell. Life was already difficult before, but now it seemed more hopeless than ever. The damage from the bats had permanently changed him until he no longer felt like Eddie Munson anymore. He died in the Upside Down, and whatever Steve dragged out of there was nothing but a broken shell infected by the filth of the Upside Down. A week after he woke up from the coma, the doctors broke the news that he would likely never regain full motor function in his left hand. Too much of the muscle had been torn away and the nerve damage had been extensive. That meant he lost the one outlet he had that had kept him going all these years – long before DnD and Hellfire. Though he lost those too. Somehow it didn’t seem as fun and fantastical as before. He couldn’t use it to escape the hardships in his life anymore. He could no longer find comfort immersing himself in a world of monsters and adventure when he knew how real and dangerous such things were. He had the scars to prove it. He would never escape them. They would haunt him forever.

A light snowfall, the flakes melting on his exposed skin pulled him from his thoughts momentarily. It was peaceful at this hour. The gentle swaying of the boat as the water ebbed and flowed around it in little ripples was starting to lull him to sleep. He could no longer feel the biting cold anymore through his sweater and jacket – a good sign. Things were becoming hazier, his mind light for the first time since everything went to shit. He felt the faint trace of a smile stretch across his numbing face. It was almost time – no one could save him now. Not even Steve Harrington.

Steve Harrington. The name made his heart ache even through the numbing effect of the drugs and alcohol. Nothing would suppress a pain like that. The pain of wanting someone so badly but knowing you will never, ever, have them. He’d known from way back in junior year that he had a thing for Harrington, but it was easy to ignore when their paths never crossed and Harrington was a dick. He just admired his beauty from afar. But ever since he’d been adopted into the trauma-bonded party, it had become impossible for Eddie to ignore him. The more he got to know him, the more he realized how wrong he was about him, and the more in love with him he fell. He tried hard to fight it, but he couldn’t help dropping the occasional hint – a lingering touch, a flirty comment he could laugh off if need be. Those were intentional, but discreet. Or so he thought. Buckley clocked him early on. Apparently, his pining was evident on his face. She was the one to break to him what he already knew – gently and with sympathetic eyes. He never had a chance. He could never have good things, and Steve Harrington was the very best.

Stop. He needed it to stop. He couldn’t wait anymore.

He stripped off his winter jacket to slip off the old battle vest underneath, exposing him further to the frigid air and biting snow he could no longer feel. He held the denim with numb fingers, clumsily running the tips over the assortment of patches crudely stitched by Eddie himself over the years; over the faded blood splatter that Steve never could remove before returning it to him after waking in the hospital what felt like a lifetime ago.

He was getting drowsy now, sight blurring around the edges – close to losing consciousness.

All those thoughts about Harrington must have been messing with his head more than usual because he could have sworn he’d heard Harrington’s voice calling for him, echoing in the distance. Wishful thinking. It was probably a figment of his imagination or a hallucination brought about by the combination of drugs and alcohol, but even if it wasn’t; he wasn’t worried. It was too late for him. Steve wouldn’t be able to play knight in shining armor this time.

Without much more thought, Eddie Munson crashed into the freezing waters of Lover’s Lake below, letting it envelop him in death’s embrace as he sank into its depths. It was peaceful, calm even, as his vision began to darken at the edges. He didn’t feel the cold or the heartache or the hopelessness anymore. He felt nothing but relief.

The peaceful serenity was violently disrupted when a strong hand wrapped around his upper arm and yanked him up to the surface.

“Eddie, no, no, no please. Not again, please, not again,” Steve blubbered, his eyes glassy with panic and unshed tears as he grabbed Eddie by the face and slapped his cheek frantically in an effort to keep him conscious. Eddie just watched on through eyes heavily laden with sleep, the whole scene feeling disconnected, just playing out from a distance; the cocktail of drugs and booze quickly dragging him further and further away like a rip current. Jesus, Steve was beautiful – he was selfishly glad he was here so that could see him one last time. What a perfect place to die – in Steve Harrington’s arms.

“Don’t do this to Henderson again…“ Steve begged, his voice breaking, and lowering his forehead to Eddie’s temple, “don’t do this to me.”

“Sorry, Stevie,” Eddie whispered, closing his eyes and feeling the darkness embrace him. “’s the last time…I promise.”

[lovefordyingstars]

maybe we’ll make it through this

perhaps there are worst things in life then having a bunch of brothers, perhaps there are not. but being expected to put up with them during such a hell that is exams? it’s like a test all itself, a test of sanity that is

Exams. Are. Hard.

No debating it

But you know what makes them harder?

When you're brothers are also taking them

And pretend to be better at them too

See, there are many ways the emo siblings (plus Hawks and Percy) could end up on crazy adventures together

One of those ways is the lovely idea of a magic school

Housing all sorts of students

Demigods and dragon slayers?

Easy

Normal people with an obsession for volleyball and those with wings?

Check

Unfortunately no one remembers Gojo’s official title, and he won't tell anyone

So he's considered The Guy Who Shows Up (Sometimes)™

Nico knew he was never going to compete with the smarter of his siblings. He fairs decently,

Better then Percy at least

Who claims to be dying by the second day

Still his long night sessions with Annabeth got him through

Laxus suffers quietly

Smart enough to pass without too much worry

Tired enough to still be wanna die before it's over

He argued that tenrou island and grand magic games combined were easier then this

He's wrong but again, suffering

Hawks was

Insufferable

He had no little interest in passing or even trying

"who needs grades when you can fly"

He promptly had a few text books thrown at his head

Unfortunately, he faired well

"who knew he could study between all that talking"

"come on Laxus, you can't think his brains that small"

"Nico you're kindness knows no bounds, but his brain literally can't bigger then a birds"

"All of you shut up I'm trying to study"

Unfortunately for Theia this went on for the rest of the week

Gojo ended up being in the same boat as Keigo

whos surprised

He would refuse to contribute to any of the work

if anything he was more like a cat

would just walk into the kitchen, knock the textbooks off the table, and leave again

A day of that and Nico was close to having a new skeleton in his army

The only two who anyone really cared to know how they did was Theia and Kuroo

Kuroo's total nerd mode activates when it comes exam time

Glasses on

Pajamas still on

Books surround him like a throne

Man doesn't move from sunrise until sunset when he can't focus over the sound of his own stomach growling

He was getting yelled at for two hours before hand because the growling was distracting everyone else

He's never gone so long without talking

Laxus is in heaven

Everyone is (mostly) quiet

It's the 4th day at 8 pm and Nico has fallen asleep on top of his books

Percy was face timing Jason to help him with his history class when they collectively passed out

Hawks is using one of his wings as a blanket, the other is over Gojo

No one is sure when he showed up

And Laxus just finished covering Kuroo with a blanket so he didn't have to stare at the mess that is the rooster

He's not gonna try to cook anything, and cleaning up with everyone passed out in the same room is impossible

He checks on Theia every half hour just in case

Even tho she's the only one he trusts to make it through this without anyone else's help

By the time everyone has woken again it's 11

The smell of the pizza just arriving is what brought them out of their comas

It's a small moment

But the whole family is crowded around the counter tearing into the pizza and coke

(and the sprite Laxus had to go out specifically for)

Nico is sitting on the counter, Kuroo is sitting beneath him on the floor

Hawks is on top of the cabinets, unaware of Percy accidentally using his feathers as a napkin

Gojo had dragged Theia out of their room to join them all

And he is now guzzling the soda while sitting next to Percy

They're having a race to see who can finish first

Percy and his pizza or Gojo and the soda

Laxus is fighting off Kuroo

who's trying to sneak another piece from the floor

And giving the last pieces in the box to Theia with a glass he set aside as well

While also muttering under his breath about Percy and Nico dropping...

Blue food dye on their pizza?

He decides not to question it

It's a funny scene

and they'll all go back to their books and pain in less then ten minutes

But those minutes are a nice reprieve

And helps them think that maybe they'll survive this exam period