#might implement in my how cats

[nightly-ruse]

Fantasy warrior cats world where once a cat pledged their loyalty to a clan at their apprentice or acceptance a ritual is done and gives them features to match their clan.

Thunderclan has hooves and some have antlers (leaders have full antlers, deputies have half antlers, and healers have little small antlers)

Riverclan has webbed paws and little frills with some having full fins and even gills (leaders have gills and big fins, deputy’s have gills, and healers have fins)

Windclan has feathers and talons with some having wings or small beaks (leaders have wings big enough to glide plus a beak, deputies have small beaks, healers have smaller wings and a slight beak tooth)

Shadowclan has patches of plants growing from their pelt for camouflage and some have venomous features (leaders have bigger camouflage more for show and venomous claws, deputies have venomous fangs, healers have more flowery or herbal camouflage)

Skyclan has prehensile tails, wider more monkey like paws, and some have slight webbing that lets them swoop (leaders have longer fangs and webbing, deputies have longer tails and sharper fangs, healers have even more advanced paws and a little webbing just enough to let them slightly glide)

[foldingfittedsheets]

You know when you’re in a bad situation and you make up little scenarios for how you’ll deal with the absolute most terrible next thing that could happen?

But then that thing never happens and all the imaginary scenarios with plans C-Z never need to be implemented?

I had one (1) time in my life that it actually played out that I needed the exact response to a scenario I had anticipated.

At the time I was living with my ex down in Arizona with, and I don’t capitalize this lightly, The Worst Roommates I’ve Ever Had. They were truly the absolute worst. My ex was friends with the boyfriend, so he and his girlfriend offered to move in with us when I moved down.

They picked the house, which was $1000 out of our budget, subsidized by the girlfriends mom. They had an extremely obese dog and a cat. Because they were moving in before us they filled the house entirely with all their stuff and felt entitled to kick us out of any area because of that.

We were watching a movie? Too bad, that was their tv and couch. When we argued we hadn’t been given the option to have a couch, tv, dishes, or literally anything except a bed they basically just shrugged. Things were in general very terrible and the communication was worse, but the straw that broke us was when they brought home a new puppy with absolutely no warning.

This lead to a forty five minute full on screaming match and both couples retreating to their rooms, fuming. My mind was spinning very quickly though, because we had loudly declared we’d be moving out and this couple had shown that they viewed the house as theirs. I told my ex my worry but she shrugged it off as irrational.

After an hour of cooldown the boyfriend came into the hallway and I stepped out to meet him.

“Since you guys are moving out we don’t want you using our dishes or pans anymore.” That was my exact fear.

There wasn’t space to store additional dishes of our own, or the pans that I had in storage. So we’d have had a month of paper plates and no ability to cook or utensils to eat with.

But I smiled and said, “I thought you might say that. If that’s the case, then I don’t believe we’ll be paying the water or electricity bills which are entirely in your name and don’t affect us.” Them camping out on all the ownership and leaving us out suddenly had a consequence.

He looked stunned and after a moment just said, “Well played.” He turned and walked back down the hall. I heard him repeat it to his girlfriend through the door as it closed, “That was really well played.”

I retreated to our room, shaking and stressed but proud that I’d scored a point. Our move went off alright and we settled into what would go down as the sketchiest place I’ve ever lived, but at least I didn’t have to worry about when I was allowed to watch TV.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

I've been dreaming of the Deep Sea Tactician.

The Sea Witch has to be as shrewd as he is kind, collecting all manner of wealth.

All the treasures in the world, his--but what is truly invaluable to him is...

How does a moment last forever? How can a story never die?

"Please sign right here on the dotted line.”

Azul taps on the line in question and offers the client his pen. It's a marvel, gifted to him by his stepfather upon graduation. The pen is carved of bone and made to resemble a fish's insides, the nib flaring out into ribs and then ending in a skeletal tail.

The writing implement is claimed.

He watches with eager eyes as the client scrawls on the golden parchment. The signature flows as smoothly as the ink writing it, and as easily as the conversation exchanged with the signer.

One leg of the letter K drags out, underlining the entirety of his first name.

Kalim Al-Asim.

"There you go!" he declares, sliding the contract and the pen back to Azul.

“Thank you very much!" he gushes, snatching up the paper like an octopus might ensnare its target--it is worth its weight in gold, and more. "It’s a pleasure doing business with you, Kalim-san.” “My people will be in contact with your people.”

"Looking forward to it." Kalim reclines in his cushy armchair--one of many that decorate Azul's office. "It's crazy how things work out, huh? I didn't think this is how we'd reunite all these years later."

"Fufufu, it must be fate. I'm honored that you would come and seek me out like this."

Azul rolls up the contract and ties it with a string. It will soon be filed away with the others in an ever-expanding vault.

"Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that the heir to the Asim trading company would approach me for a franchising opportunity."

"Everyone wants a piece of the hottest new restaurant chain. You see Mostro Lounges everywhere now. Having locations in the Scalding Sands can offer tourists a little bit of home away from home if they want the option of something familiar."

"Of course, I completely understand," Azul drawls. "On our end, we will do our utmost to craft unique menu items which will showcase the best of what your home country has to offer. It's sure to be a success!"

Calm, he may display outwardly--but inside, Azul is cheering, fist pumping, and bouncing off the walls with glee. Securing this deal is massive for him, for his business.

"We should celebrate," Kalim suggests, gesturing for his attendant. He wears many bejeweled rings which sparkle with the flicker of his fingers. "A drink? I can call for a bottle of the finest wine."

Azul holds up both hands. "Oh no, I couldn't possibly. I'm afraid I have a lunch engagement right after this. I wouldn't want to ruin my appetite."

His client laughs from his belly, deep and resonant. "I won't keep you any longer then. You have my contact information if you need to discuss the project."

Kalim rises, and at once, his attendant is magically at his side, helping him into his coat.

Azul waits several minutes after they've filed out to enter the code into his safe and deposit the agreement safely inside. The vault door swings shut with a heavy CLANG--and upon its shiny metallic face, he glimpses himself. He's grinning like a cat that has gotten the cream.

His digital watch blinks on, buzzing slightly. Right on cue, his alarm is going off.

Lunch.

Azul heads for the door, tidying himself up on the way. Adjusting the brim of his hat, the lapels of his suit. He mustn't be embarrassed, mustn't be teased.

He opens the door and--

POP, POP, POP!!

Confetti rains down, catching in his headwear and the jacket that hangs off of his shoulders. His assailants wear the same sharp-toothed smiles and mischievous glint to their eyes.

"Jade, Floyd. You two never cease to surprise, do you?" Azul sighs, brushing off the confetti and letting it flutter to the ground. "I thought the plan was to meet at the restaurant, not at my office."

"That was the original intent, yes."

"We changed our minds and came to see you instead, since it's such a big day!" Floyd elbows him. "Finally cinched that big deal with Sea Otter-chan, eh? Now you can make truckloads more money!"

"It's not about the money," Azul corrects him. "The money is nice, yes--but it's the new connections which will prove to be a long-term benefit.

"A clause in the contract stipulates access to the highest quality ingredients procured by the Asims. If all goes well, I can make other requests! Fine china, lavish furniture, a working relationship with Kalim-san, a hefty name with which to brag to other potential clients...!"

The world, his oyster.

The idea makes his smirk grow into a smile.

"Fufufu, things are looking up for the Mostro Lounge's empire! Then even more dough will roll in, far more than the upfront costs of the initial investment!!"

"Aaaah, Jade. Looks like he's lost it again."

"You're right, Floyd. I can practically see the thaumark signs in his eyes," Jade chuckles. "It's good to see that you haven't changed in all these years, Azul. You're still every bit as amusing as you were back then."

"Hmph!" He folds his arms. "What did you expect, that I'd collapse into a wobbling mess without you two at my beck and call? I'll have you know that I'm perfectly competent and capable of running a business without you."

The twins share a skeptical look with one another.

"That's his way of saying he misses having us around. He wants to hang out with us sooo bad."

"It most certainly is. He misses our companionship so much that he personally reached out to invite us to a meal to reconnect."

"And brag about his accomplishments."

"Yes, that as well."

"I-I did NOT!!"

"Tsk, tsk, Azul. You should be more honest with yourself," Jade tuts. "All this success, and you're still unable to afford an ounce of humility? I'm appalled."

"That's rich, coming from you," Azul shoots back. "I could have lunch with any number of wealthy and powerful clientele, but I've chosen to have it with you two! Is that alone not enough humility for you?!"

"Awww, so you did miss us!"

Azul's cheeks color. "I-I never said that!"

So much for not being embarrassed, not being teased. Some way or another, he always falls prey to the Leech brothers' antics.

"He's still being shy, Jade."

"He is, Floyd."

"Know what? This calls for a group hug. I bet that'll help him open up to us."

"You're absolutely right. A group hug will fix this matter in a matter of moments."

"Excuse me?! I-I do not consent to this in any way whatsoever! We must be on our way, our reservation will not hold forev..."

GLOMP!

Azul is embraced from both sides, Jade and Floyd's arms wrapping around him and squeezing him tight. He gasps for air, wriggling between them.

"... Fine, you win," Azul groans, melting into the hug. He tells himself that he has simply given up, not that he enjoys the closeness, the intimacy of friendship. "Are you satisfied?"

"Very~" Jade and Floyd chorus.

"If that's the case, then we'd better get going. That reservation really will expire if we overshoot the 15-minute grace period." Azul pauses, then frowns. "I certainly hope you weren't thinking of walking all the way to the restaurant clinging to me like this. I have a public image to maintain."

Neither brother budges.

"... Jade? Floyd? You did hear me just now, didn't you?"

"Hm, did you hear that, Floyd? It sounded like a mosquito buzzing in my ear."

"I didn't hear anything at all, Jade. Maybe it was just the wind!"

"You two...!!"

Their bickering floats down the hallway and meets a pair of pointed ears.

Ah, squabbling—the true sign of a happy reunion. The listener grins.

“Many blessings upon you, Ashengrotto and company.”

[sixthwater]

Hello! I was able to get a reading out! I've been thinking of doing this reading for a minute and it wouldn't go away so here I am. Hopefully this is helpful to those who read it. It briefly touches over scars/wounds that seem to stem from childhood, and advice on how to heal them.

Left → Right / Pile 1 → Pile 4)

Decks Used: The Luminous Spirit, The Horror Tarot, The Abandoned Oracle, Angel Tarot, Trickster's Journey, Sacred Creators Oracle, Fairies Oracle Deck, Animal Spirit Oracle

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Pile One

Cards: Ace of Pentacles Rx, Page of Wands Rx, Knight of Cups, X of Swords, III of Cups, King of Pentacles Rx, Combustion Rx, The Spider Rx

This feels like someone who is constantly let down but has to reign in their anger or have to put their desire on the backburner for others or due to external situations. So let’s see; virgo/libra/capricorn placements, saturn-moon aspects, afflicted mars? Those are a rough few off the top of my head. Either way, I get that it stems from childhood or you have a pattern with close friends that they would promise something or I hear ‘I’ll make it up to you’ but it always fell through, so in turn you just stopped hoping for things and you are a bit..shut off? It’s not that you’re cold and you still let people in, but there’s a big fear – even if it’s muted – that once you let them in they might hurt you the same way you’ve been hurt before. Or that there’s no point in hoping you’ll get what you want. We’ll see in the advice part obviously but it also seems like you’ve just started taking this behavior as well and there’s not much action against it. Page of Wands is a doll that’s slightly ruined and I get the same energy from the ten of swords as well for some reason. It doesn’t feel like bitching but it reminds me of that ‘everything is fine’ card from The Modern Witch deck. As for Combustion, I can see how that might be internally, but you smother that. Reminds me of the daydream bits from Scrubs – you going off on someone but you don’t really do it. Your escapism isn’t the typical form, it’s just that you avoid deep attachment with people or emotions in general so you won’t get hurt. From this, I’d have to assume you sacrificed or did/gave a lot for the people you cared about but felt like they didn’t care for you the same. For a select few it could also have to do with finances or a lack of due to the ace and king of pentacles, but that’s a fleeting feeling.

Advice

Cards: X of Cups Rx, Wheel of Fortune, III of Wands, Cut the Cords of Doubt, Treat Yourself, Desire, Tarantula, Panther

You have to feel. You have two Ten’s, cutting the cord, and two fire cards. There’s a lot of purging and passion – ‘extreme’ energy if you will. The advice given circles around the house of accepting that; you are upset. You’re hurt, angry, betrayed – whatever it is, you’re feeling it. So you have to sit in it and really let that shit sink in and then finally let it out. Accepting it isn’t letting bygones be bygones, it’s understanding that you’re human and you’re not always going to be forgiving of everything and your emotions aren’t always going to make sense. For example, my friend has recently gotten the cutest kitten I have ever seen and she loves her. She has also lost her grandmother recently who she was close to. That same kitten had wrecked an item that her grandmother gave her and she expressed that she felt bad for getting mad at the cat and like, that’s to be expected. Things like that, you (pile one) have to come to terms with. Once you go through this little purge, just kind of…let go and let be. By that I mean; don’t try to predict what people are going to do or what’s going to happen with the things around you. The angel on this three of wands has their eyes closed so it’s like, waiting for the effects of your purging to take place. Once you start to implement these changes into your mindset and how you interact with people, wait to see how it’ll affect your relations with others. So the main thing is, you gotta work on your mindset and you gotta allow yourself to openly access these emotions and just feel. It’s tricky, but you have to understand that not everyone is going to be ‘Rebecca’ or ‘John’, they’re new and different people who might treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Which they only know how to if you start treating yourself better too. A lot of this is just examining your relationship with yourself, the world, others, etc. Do you think you’re unworthy of something? Why? Actually work through it, the more you process it the more information comes out. We can be aware of simple things but unless we’re actively going through our memories, some things we might’ve locked away suddenly resurfaces and gives us new context that we can work on. I’m also not surprised to see that some of the cards is just feeling a new zest/passion for life. It’s about finding your purpose but I’m reading it as finding love and standing up for yourself. Not in an argumentative way but if you feel like you’re being treated unfairly, discuss it with that person. Don’t take it because you feel like you deserve it or it’s your version of the status quo. You don’t have to rest in fighter mode but right now I believe – if i have to speak in this deck’s language – you’re docile and the reflex is to flee. You need to learn the balance of fighting as well. Again, for some of you it might be that you stay with people or situations that are familiar or comfortable even if they hurt you and you need to go beyond what you know. Seek out new things once you’ve done the work on yourself, because there’s a high chance you might outgrow these things.

Pile Two

Cards: The High Priestess, V of Wands, Judgement Rx, King of Wands, Wheel of Fortune, The Lovers Rx, Tears

You guys are special because I had to read for you guys today. I checked in and they refused to let me do it. Even after saying it was a healing reading and I'm not invasive yadayadayada, they did Not want to let me do it. Moving on. . .

Now that I’m allowed to pull your cards, I understand the protection. The Priestess and King are coming up as parental figures or just – it feels weird to say this but in comparison to the rest of the piles, they’re coming up as specific figures. It stands out because usually you will get pairs (K & Q of Cups) but instead we have a figure who is seen as intuitive and in this deck a little intimidating vs a figure who is charismatic and in this deck: has a mask on. So it’s like the top row (Priestess to the King) stands for these figures in your life whereas the rest of the cards represent the effect it had on you. So it’s interesting that between them we have conflicts, possibility of them talking down to each other, lack of awareness of where/when they’re doing it (as in their surroundings). I get a feeling of them keeping the relationship for physical matters (financial, responsibility, etc) instead of breaking it off to save stress. There’s also another element here that the King has a mask and his back is turned, but he’s facing us as if we stepped in on him doing something wrong, so of course that’s combined with The High Priestess. However this card has a little ‘animal’ with her which seems to be a messenger. So it’s like getting caught but not in the act, so no grounds to attack leaving someone to just pick at them. Onto you; this leads to an unstable environment. It just sets precedent that this is the norm, but if it is you don’t want it. It doesn’t really make you feel ‘safe’, or happy, or gave you any pleasant feelings. There was a video I watched about this, but it spoke of children dealing with forms of abuse having poor health due to always being on alert. While this may not be exactly what you’re dealing with, I think you were pretty much set up in the same way because I get the feeling of someone never really wanting to relax because they’re always waiting for that next argument or picking up on tones. I’m also consistently hearing ‘if this is what love is then I don’t want it’ over and over again while I’m trying to decipher this.

Advice

Cards: Page of Pentacles, The Fool, Queen of Pentacles, Say It Out Loud, Cozy up with Risk, Celebrate Your Wins, Gazelle

Gazelle personalities are often hyper-aware of their surroundings (bordering on hyper-vigilant)

Yeah. So if you’ve seen Skinamarink it kind of reminds me of that? It’s not my movie but people describe the tension as being…well, the gazelle personality, which is why I’m bringing it up, and of course those types of fears can start to become physical pains. I really recommend watching these two videos because it’s something to think about. To start off with this spread, it’s asking you to either speak to someone, or to journal which might be preferable to a good amount of you. I did this a few years ago but when I was in a good headspace, I just started from the beginning and made it to the present so I could do my best to unravel where my issues are stemming from and try to work on them little by little. It’s like untangling hair, it’s frustrating and you might just want to chop it off but if you go slow, you can carefully get the mess undone and figure out where the core of the issue is. The rest of this? Just grounding. It’s asking you to get out of your head and get out of survival mode and to just breathe and live. Always a lot harder to practice, but you have to catch yourself when you’re doing it and step back and knock yourself into doing it haha. I’m not necessarily picking up on trust issues or problems relating to people – at least they’re not highlighting it – but it’s more about getting stuck in your head and trying to play chess with the world and how things play out. You can’t do that. That’s like trying to fight the wheel of fortune, you’re going to lose. So spirit wants you to slowly learn how to relax and get more into the physical world. If walks help while listening to podcasts to get out of that routine, go and do that! I believe the key here is to figure out what the trigger is for overthinking and anxiety so you can catch yourself. From there, it’s just a day by day process of nurturing yourself.

Pile Three

Cards: Judgement Rx, III of Pentacles Rx, Temperance, The Fool Rx, II of Pentacles Rx, Combustion Rx

Control? Which is interesting because I feel like Judgement should be upright. However. Okay it feels like self-contained chaotic energy. Not to bring my Wife Swap binging into this, but there was a relationship between a wife and her daughter where the kid would…be a kid? And the mom would call her a misbehaving brat and label her ‘The Bad Child’. That dynamic seems like you’re implementing it upon yourself. You don’t have to have these, but I’m seeing the habit of chewing at your nails and other anxious fidgeting that’s usually picking at yourself. For some actually it reminds me of children who are neurodivergent and the family doesn’t properly know how to care for them so the child has to like…’tame’ it? I hope that makes sense. Anyway, I’m getting a lot of self-control, anxiety, frustration, foot tapping/leg shaking, and self-criticism. There’s also a piece of solitude. It’s not a choice but with the three and two it’s like…it reminds me of the eight of pentacles. Working endlessly at the same thing but this ‘thing’ is yourself. It’s keeping you in check. This ‘three’ situation might’ve been that you just simply didn’t get along with a lot of people so now you’re more introverted/isolated but I don’t get that it’s who you are? Because the ‘two’ feels like someone who is constantly watching a pot boil to make sure it doesn’t spill over, like it’s a 9-5 job for them. It’s not fun. I don’t get chaos with this externally, it’s a lot of control and it doesn’t feel fun. This could honestly just be an external routine that’s inflicted upon you but it feels more like experiences that you went through and you’ve learned that ‘ok I have to be like this in order for people to like me’.

Advice

Cards: Knight of Swords Rx, X of Wands Rx, IV of Cups, Strength, The Spark of Hustle, Ambush Fear with your Ferocious Dream, Stage of Play, Firefly, Crow

Not surprised by these cards so I have to go deeper here. Also, the Barbie soundtrack started playing in my head, take that how you will. Okay so, directly interpreting these cards is just telling you: don’t be scared, be yourself, go big or go home. Basically. That’s a bit difficult knowing the energy I picked up so. Knight of Swords can be a bit brash or rude, immature, and messy. Not the most welcoming energy, but you’ve already been locked in a cage and taught to be a type of person that you never were anyway – so it’s telling you to unwind a little bit and be more comfortable with letting that out every now and again. Especially with the ten of wands to back it up. If that voice in your head tells you to mind your actions or words, think about what an unlearned Knight of Swords would do. Obviously, don’t actively hurt people’s feelings or be a dick, but you don’t have to walk around as someone else. Four of Cups is pointing towards throwing away this mindset too, but it’s more like…not minding people’s opinions? Because obviously it’s a bit difficult to just throw all this away in one swoop. So (taking into account what I said before) if there’s some whispering or side-eyes thrown your way; treat it like the four of cups. Someone wants to say ‘oh the way you’re doing that is a little…’ cool give it the four of cups treatment. Again, this advice is a little grey if this is a case of attitude behavior and having to figure out how to interact with people, it’s a bit difficult, but Intentionally messing with people is a pretty clear line so. Strength is pretty clear; it’s just inner love and care for yourself. Trust that you’re not ‘broken’ or ‘wrong’. Now the rest of these I find to be interesting. Spark & Ambush speak more to inner child energy and being most honest about yourself. It’s like being loud and proud and embracing who you once were – which I hate saying once. It’s just finding yourself again and bringing that back out. Being comfortable with it again. Stage of Play is embracing…just that haha. It’s a lot of inner child messages, I think you would benefit from seeking out that type of healing or looking into those readings currently. I also find it cute that you got two air cards for the energy to bring in? Air is mental stimulation and sociability. If you have hobbies or interests you enjoy, talk about them. Enjoy them. Don’t hide things you enjoy. Air is about engagement in a sense, but I also find it cute that these two cards in particular speak to creativity but also an inner knowing of the self. Firefly speaks to little bursts of energy and insight, meanwhile crow is worldly knowledge. I’m really picking up on neurodivergency here but it’s a general reading so (but it Does start with an A). Honestly? Go watch some kid movies you used to love, play with some colored pencils, just enjoy yourself man. You deserve to.

Pile Four

Cards: VI of Pentacles Rx, The World, III of Cups Rx, Knight of Pentacles Rx, The Sun Rx, The Spider Rx, Backstabber (Ace of Cups Rx)

Okay this pile was a bit confusing so I had to pull one more card. I’m not getting many messages, which can sometimes be a sign of major blockage. The only few things I got were ‘not enough’ ‘want it all’ and ‘consumption’. I thought the six of pentacles was the four, so there’s also a feeling of self-preservation here. I can’t pinpoint it so the theme might connect but the specifics will differ for all of you. The things I can pick up on are: themes of depression, themes of friendships, or themes of self-worth. Regardless – motivation, ego, and self-worth pops up in all these stories. It’s like…someone feels like the cup they have has a hole in it and it’s leaking. They never have enough water so they’re always trying to fill it and no matter what they do they can never manage to do so. Trying to explain it to other people makes them seem like they don’t know what they’re doing or they’re just filling their cup wrong, so they just struggle to drink from their damaged cup. It could be depression. Since we have a card speaking to betrayal and then also the ace & three of cups reversed, this could be a specific relationship that has scarred you and causes you to struggle to reach out to other people (similar to pile one but this energy is different). It’s just…not enough is the only thing being repeated in my head and I’m not getting anything else and it feels very vacant, I’m not feeling anything else which is why I keep circling back to depression despite the cards here. I mean the three of cups can speak for a lack of interacting with…life so combined with the other cards there’s a definite possibility? So there might just be a mix of you here. We’re going to move on.

Advice

Cards: Queen of Pentacles, VI of Swords, The Trickster, Fall in Love with Your Own Story, Lighting Your Path, Cobra

This is a beautiful spread. There’s a small message that I’m going to get out of the way, which is to take care of yourself. I wouldn’t be surprised if that fell to the wayside. Get small things back into your routine like having healthy eating habits, even if they’re snacks. Going to bed at a good time, going on walks, complimenting yourself daily – things like that to make yourself feel better little by little. Pamper yourself essentially. Now the rest is much deeper. It wants you to have or embrace a rebirth of yourself. My personal suggestion, since I haven't been listening to music for this reading, is to listen to Icon for Hire. They talk about these themes, but there’s always the very long era of sitting within the old shell of yourself where it’s comfortable and being scared to break out of that and move on. Where you want to be happy or feel better but that step includes letting go of everything that you’re doing now. It brings you to the trickster (fool) which is new beginnings, and it means even more with this deck because it’s about Sun Wukong (which brings another level to everything because I wanted to use the other deck and I was just told a blunt no lmao). Anyway, you’re being encouraged to find the light within yourself. Find meaning to yourself by going within – which is much easier said than done I know. It’s beautiful that the Cobra mentions being similar to a spirit guide and talks about showing up when you’re ready to be a student of life again and then it will appear. Very similar to the fool that got pulled for your reading. Plus it’s a snake? Serious about shedding that old skin of yours (Snakeskin by Rina Sawayama? This is the only pile where songs are coming up, good for you). Last but not least, this falling in love with yourself card? Very serious. It can be difficult but there is only one you. No one is going to be able to replace that. Yes, people will be share your pain, resonate with your issues or give you advice because they’ve walked that path, but they will never shine like you can. You won’t be able to replace them either. That’s why we’re all here. Using myself, I went through the worst time of my life when I was officially diagnosed with my biggest medical issue along with everything else that I already was self-conscious about. I hated myself for a good minute before I realized that did quite nothing for me and a lot of people found it quite easy to hate on my too so why should I join them?  Look at everything you’ve done. It doesn’t have to be amazing. You’ve existed, you’ve helped others in your life whether you realize it or not, you’ve made an impact during your time here. Celebrate yourself. I hope the next time we see each other you can say that you’re beautiful because you guys are. (also? If you have a favorite piece of jewelry, you should wear that more)

[homunculus-argument]

thought you might like a picture of my cat, daisy, who is sometimes bad at being a cat bc she is part orange. like here when she was so angry about being in the car (not even to go to the vet or anything!!) that she chewed through her carrier in the span of 30 minutes and then got stuck and started crying about it

first image: Oh, how convenient, a cat carrier with an opening where the cat can poke their head outside!

context: both the cat and the carrier are actually inconvenient, because the carrier did not come with such an opening, and the cat was bad at implementing one.

final three pictures: poor little meow meow struggling with the inconvenience, inconveniently

[jamiesfootball]

one thing about me is i EXCEL at stupid ideas so! here is a Stupid Ask for your daily dopamine dosage.

post-s3, roy attempts to be A Good Coach and implements team bonding activities such as sunday board game nights. this has the unforeseen consequence of walking into the locker room monday morning to find moe and colin arguing over whether monopoly is True Capitalist Propaganda while sam sneaks jamie $200 from the bank to get out of jail next week.

This. This actually matches up well with a thing I introduce at the end of my post-season fic.

This bit is not from the post-season fic, but there are definitely some plot points I'm cribbing from it. Here have some nonsense:

There were pros and cons to the new wellness initiative in the locker room.

And 'Wellness Initiative' was the phrase they were using. Not 'show-and-tell', no matter how many times Trent suggested it. Although with how many goddamn talent shows Roy had been forced to sit through in the past weeks, the former-journo might have been onto something. For a team full of professional footballers, a lot of them had found the time to sharpen other talents.

The idea had been simple: at least once a week, they were going to sit around as a team, and they'd take turns picking a topic that had nothing to do with football.

'Share-and-tell' Beard had called it, and Roy had growled until Higgins erased the name from the whiteboard.

Books, movies, whatever song they had bleeding through their headphones in the weight room, Roy didn't care. For one hour a week, they were going to...God help him...bond as a team. Share. Communicate. Maintain the resplendent inter-team hivemind bullshit that got them so close to winning the whole damn thing the year before.

Even if Moe's lockpicking demonstration was a disturbing hour of his life that he'd never get back.

But keeping the team functioning as a team was only half of it. Truth of the matter was, it helped the little idiots to have an outlet, something to get them out of their heads for a bit so that Roy didn't end up hugging a crying player in the boot room every other week. Four times had been enough, thanks.

Colin, the second-time boot room offender, had cocked his head like a Welsh corgi and asked, "Would it be all right if I brought my piano?"

"The one that weighs 800 kilos and broke your mother's floorboards?"

The next week Colin showed up with a new electronic keyboard that did not weigh as much as a baby rhino. He spent his hour taking pop song requests.

"Do I have to do a book report?" Jamie asked defensively when his turn came around. The three weeks before his turn had gone to fucking book reports. Even Roy was desperate for a change up. When he reassured Jamie that he only had to talk about books if he'd actually read a book he fucking liked, the relief on the number-one little idiot's face had been immense.

Jamie showed up for his turn with playing cards, a case of poker chips, and a bouquet of roses. The lads spent the hour shouting about cheating, and after a surprisingly aggressive run of bluffs and flushes, Dani Rojas walked away with all the flowers.

While Roy was distracted by Dani, who lamented that now he would need to buy a florero for his flowers, and Jamie, who thought Roy's water bottle would make an excellent vase in the meantime, he completely missed the gleam in Sam's eye as the unassuming player shuffled the card decks back in order.

---

Sam Obisanya was a fucking menace. One day Roy would retain this information.

Most days it was easy to forget. He had a calming effect on Jamie, who was less prone to biting when Sam was around. This made Jamie quieter, which made Isaac and Colin and Dani quieter, which gave the overall impression that things were peaceful in the locker room.

What Roy always forgot to add to the equation was that Jamie had the opposite effect on Sam, who on a normal day would never be found smiling like a post-canary cat while monopoly cards flew around the locker room like projectile weapons.

"I'm not paying you rent again, Cockburn!" Colin shouted.

"You keep landing on my square. It's not my fault you're bad at dice!"

"Bruv, quit throwing shit. It's my turn and I almost got all the railroads."

"The railroads are statistically the worst spaces to own; you know this, yes?"

"War is inevitable in a system where capitalism is dominant," Moe pointed out from where he sat lotus-style on the bench, abstaining from participating in the 'game of the exploiters.'

"Oi, Sam," Jamie whispered, sitting up a bit to tug at the edge of the other player's jumper. "While they're fightin', can you get me out of jail?"

Sam nodded at Dani, who flicked his hand in a way that spoke volumes on how he'd thrashed the team at poker. Two beige notes appeared in Sam's hand, and just as quickly disappeared into the collar of Jamie's shirt.

"Cheers," Jamie thanked him. He settled his head back down into Sam's lap, making himself cozy like a spoiled, cheating cat. "Never was any good at Monopoly."

Sam's smile was angelic, but his eyes glinted in a way that boded horribly for Roy's heart pressure. "Next time I can bring Settlers of Catan. Or Risk."

"Ooh. Risk. Should we team-up?"

Who knew Sam's talent would be putting Roy Kent in an early grave?

[why-animals-do-the-thing]

You might have heard that the Big Cat Public Safety Act was passed by Congress last week, and is on its way to be signed into law by the President. While I so not oppose with the main goals of the act (ending private ownership of big cats and public contact with them), I have had serious concerns about the impact of other aspects of it for a long time.

For years, I’ve been pointing out that vague language regarding exemptions in the bill could really negatively impact credible zoos and sanctuaries. The bill authors/sponsors clearly didn’t intend the bill to have that result, but because they weren’t more exact with their wording, the full impacts of the law won’t be clear until it’s fully implemented by the Department of the Interior. Since a different federal department oversees zoo and sanctuary regulation, it doesn’t make sense to assume that the Department of the Interior will automatically interpret the new law in a way that aligns with how the industry currently functions.

In the best case scenario, there’s nothing to worry about. In a worst case scenario, though, credible zoos and sanctuaries might find their operations, exhibit construction, and animal programs detrimentally impacted. If there’s any possibility of the latter occurring, there has to be attention on the process to try to ensure it doesn’t come to pass.

This article is my overview of some of the biggest possible problems that could come from a bad implementation of the Big Cat Public Safety act. It’s short (for me), sweet, and simple. Just because the law has been passed doesn’t mean the work has ended - now it just involves holding the federal government accountable for implementing the bill in a way that doesn’t cause harm to credible facilities and programs.

[lucienne-my-beloved]

Hello my love! I have a prompt for you which will hopefully be a good one!

Due to a certain situation involving the key to Hell, the Dreaming is hosting a vast party of Gods and Goddesses, Angels and Demons, and strange beings of Order and Chaos, to name a few.

Lucienne, being second in command, has been busy making sure everyone is comfortable, putting together the preparations for a successful banquet, and making sure no unwanted guests mess up her precious library.

Finally the days events have come to an end, and the guests have settled down in their chambers (although Lord Morpheus will be busy throughout the night). Lucienne just wants to put her feet up and read a good book - Roses latest novel looks quite thrilling! - but her night isn't quite over, as someone has come to visit the library out of hours, and Lucienne is perhaps in for more thrills than just Roses book!

Ooh, thank you for the excellent prompt! Who could it be?

Lucienne’s feet were finally up, and she’d just opened her book to the next chapter, when she heard unfamiliar footsteps in her library. It was not Gault, whose footsteps were as familiar and beloved as the dimple when she smiled, nor Morpheus, whose footsteps were silent when he visited as a cat and only barely less silent in his other forms. And it was definitely not Mervyn, whose footsteps were always accompanied by muttered swearing and the clatter of ladders or buckets. (He didn’t work this late anymore anyway, since Matthew introduced him to the idea of unions and time off.) Lucienne sighed and resigned herself to putting down her book. One of the guests must have wandered into the Library, or perhaps there was a dream or nightmare who needed counsel, but in any case, her day was not quite over yet.

Page number memorized, she put her book down on her desk and stood, facing the sound and pulling on her suit jacket once more. Might as well look official.

It was not hard to find the visitor. The grace of their steps made it apparent that they could tread silently if they wished, and only made their footsteps audible to give her warning. The slave of Lord Kilderkin, Manifestation of Order, approached carrying the cardboard box that was the current incarnation of their master.

“Welcome to the Library,” Lucienne greeted them with a slight bow.

“I thank you,” answered the slave. “I have an interest in Order, as you might imagine, and wondered if I might see how you manage to effect it here, in the Dreaming.”

“Of course! I’ll give you the tour, shall I?”

“Wonderful! I��ll just…” and the slave set their master (the cardboard box) down on Lucienne’s desk. “It’ll be safe enough here, right?”

“Certainly. I get very few visitors at this time of night.”

“Excellent. Now, I’ve been very curious about the categorization system you use in this Library. Surely it must be very difficult to find things back.”

“It’s actually not a problem, generally.” Lucienne waved her hand at the nearest corridor as they began to walk. “You see, early on I realized the recursive nature of categorizing information, how every branch divides into smaller and smaller categories, becoming more and more precise. And having recently been a raven, at the time I became librarian, I was reminded of the design of my feathers — one main shaft, with barbs coming off it and barbules off those. So I designed the Library in a similar way…”

“Fascinating! And that works well for you?” The slave didn’t seem sceptical but inquiring, as if he might try to implement a similar system somewhere.

“In fact, it does! In almost all cases. This section here, the Tumblr section, is a bit of an exception. I can never seem to find what I’m looking for here. But I have a feeling that’s a characteristic of Tumblr and not an issue with my system.”

“Ah. I would not know. The Lords of Order have no familiarity with Tumblr.”

“I would expect not. It seems to belong more to the realm of Chaos.” The slave nodded sagely and seemed to almost regretfully put aside their curiosity about the Tumblr section.

Just then, Morpheus streaked past them in his cat form. (Lucienne secretly thought of him as Meowpheus when he was in this form. But she’d never tell him that. Maybe she’d tell Matthew one day, if only she could trust him to keep it to himself.)

“Oh! A cat!” The slave was obviously startled to find an animal in the Library.

“Yes! It is not uncommon in some places for libraries to keep cats. In fact, here is the section on library cats and other cats who have jobs.”

“Fabulous!” Lucienne waited attentively as the slave browsed the shelves and eventually chose a couple books to borrow for the night. One was on library cats, and the other on library design and information categorization.

“Let’s just bring those back to my desk to enter in the Ledger, and you can pick up your master as well,” she suggested when they were finished.

“Of course. Thank you for the lovely tour, you’ve given me much to think about.”

“You are very welcome.” Lucienne smiled warmly but then turned to follow the guest’s eyes at the sudden shocked look on their face.

On her desk was the cardboard box, Kilderkin, Lord of Order. Sitting in it was Meowpheus. He stared at them with his haughty cat gaze (well, his normal gaze), obviously perfectly content with his place and in no mood to move.

“I. You. Um.” The slave looked at Lucienne in panic. “The Library Cat can’t just sit in the Lord of Order!”

“I’m so sorry,” she apologized smoothly. “I’m sure he will find his way to another comfy spot, Quite Soon Now.” She glared at Lord Morpheus, and he glared right back. But then he deigned to stand and saunter out of the box, shaking his back leg to show his disdain of her before leaping off the desk and onto the nearby window reading nook where his cat nest was.

The slave shakily picked up the Lord of Order, reaching inside the box for the note which had appeared.

“Get this cat out of me,” it said. “We are done here.”

“I’m sorry, Lucienne, I must go,” the slave apologized, bowing deeply.

“Of course. I’ll hold onto these in case you can come borrow them later.” She set the books aside on her quick reference shelf and escorted him out of the Palace to ensure no other offences would occur on the way.

Back in the Library once again she hesitated before picking her book up, looking at Meowpheus in his window nest.

“Really, my Lord,” she chided.

He blinked his cat eyes at her, looking smug and extremely proud of himself. She sighed and picked up her book, hiding behind it to roll her eyes. She might never fully understand the King of Dreams, but they had a good understanding.

[phlurrii]

In my search for more ways to add Big Cat Energy to Mews to up the intimation factor, I have made more discoveries that I thought I’d share (purely for funsies, not asking you to draw new characters lol).

So! You’ve already implemented some by adding facial marks to the sqooshy round face! (Most notably the snoot boop button) Indeed, adding depth to their features helps a LOT, but also I have found that the big predators tend to share certain facial features!

One that I hadn’t considered were muzzle marks!

You can see, on the upper muzzle that there are prominent streaks and/or darkened areas around the area where you see those kitty whiskers. Lynxes, Caracals, Cougars, Leopards, Tigers, etc. all have these marks which could probably up the edge to the Mew’s round nose/muzzle a bit. While I was doing my research, I’ve noticed you’ve already got some of that dark muzzle stuff going on with Flurry, Deca, and Ody! (Haven’t seen anyone implementing the muzzle stripes or darkened edges yet tho, so anyone wanting to try it out plz go for it!)

Another, common facial marking are the tear lines

Which are quite common in the Big Zoomie cats and Floppas.

Lastly…eyebrows??? Eyebrows. I think that’s what they are????

Some of these wild feline predators apparently rock these eyebrow spots…idk why. I just found that interesting. Tho…a Mew rocking eyebrows would certainly look…interesting. Not too sure how to pull it off without it looking goofy yet but I’m working on it.

(Honorable mention goes to the manes and face framing fur tufts that some wild predator kitties have)

You will be very pleased to know that I do have a major character coming up with tear lines! You won’t be pleased with how, probably, by they are a design I love very much and I’m excited to introduce.

Granted, like I did with Noe, Circe and this mystery character are post Missingno. Arc, just set up for story after we tackle the stuff front end center!!

But I am also very happy to get goofy cat marking analysis in my inbox, welcome fellow cat nerds. Let us stare at large cats for mew inspiration… I might test out some striped muzzle stuff for Circe, it could be cute ;3

[otomes-world]

Infatuation

I don`t know why and for what reason, but I wanted to write something for Rook, so here we are. 27.“I didn’t ask you to do that” “You didn’t have to”

Studying in one of the most successful educational institutions definitely had its advantages. At least it gave more chances for a stable future. You were guided by this and a couple of other personal reasons, while submitting documents and subsequently preparing for admission here.

Night Raven College was famous for its centuries-old traditions. Moreover, it had a separate building for technomages. So why they did not bother to modernize the method of transporting students? You thought, rubbing your temples and holding back your dizziness. The body still remembered fear and surprise. It wasn't every day that a carriage hits you. It wasn't every day that you reacquaint yourself with the world leaving the coffin.

It wasn't every day you see a classic boring entrance ceremony interrupted by a sea of fire and a talking cat. Especially the talking cat.

Is it too late to pick up the documents and choose a quieter place?

No, you shook your head. You could drop out hundred more times, so you can at least try.

A few months later, you were ready to use the time machine to go back to the past, purely to choke yourself for these thoughts. Is it not exist? So, you had to invent it and then implement your plan.

Let be damned day when you decided to speak up and out of the goodness of your heart to help Yuu. You were a little pitiful for a newbie who was shoved into a crumbling building, bombarded with various assignments, and who just got hit in the head for being friends with Ace and Deuce.

You knew firsthand about the first years of Heartslabyul. Fortunately, one day you saw how they smashed an expensive candelabra. You just passed by and, seeing Trappola flying through the entire room, you immediately escaped from the scene of the incident. Getting under the director's hot hand was not on your list of plans.

Just as the attention of one annoying person did not fit into your future.

His sudden interest might have been flattering, but, alas, you were sensible in assessing your own strengths and weaknesses. Therefore, you could not logically and rationally find the reason for the appearance of Hunt in your student life. Listening to rumors and just looking at him, you doubted whether he was familiar with these concepts.

However, again, you couldn't call him crazy. He was eccentric, but far from being an idiot. At the right moments, his head worked as it should and more often than you would prefer.

One-sided verbal skirmishes - you won't call this dialogue - from a certain point became an integral part of passtime. It was even admirable.

More precisely, you admired how he won this "part". He was almost the very first to greet you every now and then. If he did not come to wish you a good day in person, then in some unknown way a note was always found in your bag, doing this for him. After weighing the pros and cons, you just gave him your phone number. You'd rather let him text you than scare the hell out of you by sending arrows. Real arrows.

"Bonne journée, the light of my eyes!" You stopped, silently cursing your own luck or lack of it. You glanced over your shoulder and went back to sorting the printouts. "All at work despite the early hour. I would be honored to share your burden-"

"I didn't ask you to do so", you interrupted him, mentally adding 'and I won't ever ask'.

However, this did not stop him, because in the next moment he was already standing next to you with unchanging, so annoying smile. Looking at how quickly he gets the job done - much faster and more accurate than you - you couldn't help but sigh.

From fatigue? Or envy?

You couldn't define exactly what you felt at that moment. It was just easier with Rook to give up and let him do whatever he liked. Of course, as long as he didn't cross the line. You were looking forward to him making a mistake, a reckless move, but they don't appoint just anyone as Pomefiore's vice-leader. He played on the nerves, but never allowed himself too much.

He was exactly like image you drew in your head: based on your own and other people's opinions. However, every day it became more and more difficult to deny the fact that the idea of him was slowly changing. As well as your attitude towards him.

That's why you allowed yourself to join the game, that he led so diligently. Not long, just a little bit. Moreover, the blonde, humming to himself and clearly enjoying your company, did not need to know about this.

[liplinerloser]

Hey! I heard you do matchups, can you do tpof and btd? (If you just want to pick one, that's fine).I'm a female (she/her),young adult, 4'11', bisexual (most guys than girls). I love cats, baking, horror movies (Principally,the gory ones). I'm independent, easily jealous, lonely most of the time, a little obsessed with my loved ones, VERY hot-headed, (but deep down, I'm a sweet person), a bit agressive. Kinks: biting, hickey, blood, teasing, make out.

I think this already helps you out! Happy new year, hope you have a lot of sucess in your life. Kisses and thank you!

Thanks for the ask, and also happy new year to you too! I hope this years good to you

hope its okay I chose btd since i didn’t want it to be too long. I don’t mind if you request it again and I’ll do the tpof one Separate!

For btd I pair you with…

Strade

Initially he hadn’t met you at the pub like his usual victims, but instead at a normal store while he was shopping for drill heads and you were for baking supplies. He hadn’t noticed you until you’d asked him for help to reach a higher shelf, innocently.

He helped you load your car, lock it, then grabbed you and covered your mouth with his hand, restricting you and dragging you to his car instead, when your fighting became too much he grabbed a fist of your hair and slammed you into the bonnet (jeez that’s Gonna leave a mark) and knocked you out.

Within your first couple of days in the basement he started to understand you and your unique reaction to the pain, as he did with other victims, like clockwork. Your reactions to some of his games made him realise some of your kinks and start implementing them in a way

despite enjoying Rens clingy nature towards him, he likes and the fact that you start out as independent and strong willed , which allows the possibility of him being able to break you in, and force you to be reliant on him.

We all know he loves the chase, don’t submit too easily if you want to survive/ live with him. No one plays with broken toys and that especially applies to strade, hes not past getting rid of you

Once you’re out of the basement phase and a little closer to him he introduces you to Ren, noticing your almost hostile reaction to him. He enjoys the idea that if your jealousy of Ren gets worse, you’d try to kill him, so you could be the only one. He weirdly enjoys the idea of you fighting over him

Its random but Strade is a little under average height for men, and hes very paranoid about it (being 5’8) which is why your shorter stature is greatly preferred, since it gives him a power boost. It might not sound like a positive but anything like that is something that he enjoys, so its something that could keep you alive for longer and maybe even keep you around permanently if he likes you enough

While having an off conversation with Ren while he cooks you mention your interest in horror movies, which Strade happens to over hear….

He practically itches with delight when he hears your focus especially land on the gore! He decided to ask you if you wanted yo watch a particularly Gory “movie”, and of course you giddily agree since the house didnt offer much else for entertainment. You were beyond confused when it started off in a home movie way till you realised why one of the people looked so familiar in it….

Yep thats right, he shows you a collection of his favourite gore live streams he made and convinces you they’re actually movies, of course you realised pretty quick when you first got here that he’s a liar, so you stay quiet and pretend to be interested to spare you the pain of a punishment, despite the feeling of bile rising in your throat from the grotesque noises coming from the tv

Hes surprised you end up surviving as long as you do, but he notices the attachment you have to him (Stockholm syndrome) and how that comes along with your obsession towards him despite his obvious mistreatment of you, slowly you allow him to use you more, cut you more, but along with that he cares for you better, his stitches become cleaner.

I dont think strade is capable of normal love, he doesnt understand it in the same capacity normal people do, but he could do the closest thing possible for him. Keeping you alive, fed, with occasional treats, treating your wounds (and when he couldn’t, Getting in touch with the cold blooded doctor).

You’d notice he likes you more because hes more violent, not necessarily agressive, but seemingly desperate to explore your insides in multiple ways. The first time he seemingly expressed his “feelings” towards you, you remember the excruciatingly hot pain mixed with the sickly cold floor of the basement. “You did very well, maus. Ich kann es kaum erwarten, wieder zu spielen!”

Over time youd notice him be less willing to take you to the basement and subject you to the more life threatening of his desires. instead opting to go to the bar and bring other victims home instead. Youd notice an uncanny resemblance between you and the victims.

Nsfw

Strade is generally very aggressive when he fucks, you’d know by the generous amount of bruises that practically permanently paint your skin, so when he figures out you actually enjoy that shit? Expect it to get significantly worse

He’ll be above you, rutting into you like he’s in heat, gripping your waist and digging crescent shaped nail marks into your flesh. He uses one hand to hold your hands down, and the other to brandish a familiar hunting knife, making small cuts in the soft meat of your thighs, licking the blood that oozes out

If you tell him about your preference to hickeys, who is he to deny you? He’d litter your body in them to the point you can hardly tell which marks are bruises. He wouldn’t admit it, but he’s very possessive of whats his, even more so than he felt with ren.

Along with the hickeys as a form of marking, he would love to carve his name into you, as a more permanent solution. He’d pick somewhere you couldnt easily hide it, like right at the back of your neck, or on your forearm. The lines would be jagged and crude but it would get the point across, he’d make sure if he bought you clothes that they’d display it

Although as a person he isn’t very intimate theres exceptions, like when he’s drunk. Although Hes a little more unhinged, he’ll wrap his arms around your small frame, sloppily kissing you, mumbling small phrases in German. However he never recalls these moments, so its best you keep them to yourself.

He loves when your aggressiveness Channels into when you fuck, he likes to see you thrash around under him, to the point where your stitches undo and your skin stings. He doesnt even mind if you actually manage to hit him, it fuels him to make you bleed from the inside

[austronauts]

the best way to bully (affectionate) nhl players

u know when u like a player so much ur like “it’s no longer enough to stan him from afar. i want to bully him and make him cry”  well, i have made an easy-to-follow wikihow tutorial. ur welcome.

mitch marner: 

hit him with the classic older sibling-patented Silent Treatment by ignoring all his redbull-fueled attempts for attention. that means ignoring all his weird little dancing, his loud singing, and his general inability to grasp the concept of personal space. 

keep accusing him of running the toronto maple leafs’ tiktok. 

insult auston’s fashion sense. 

when he launches into a giant hug, act like an overboiled strand of limp spaghetti and don’t hug him back.

when he makes some bombastic declaration just to get a reaction from you, ignore him the first 5 times, then peer calmly over his head, and in an even-keeled Siri-esque voice, ask “hmm. you’re not actually 6′ are you?”

cale makar

loudly declare that sams club is better than costco whenever he’s within earshot. watch his already-rosy cheeks flush

keep making lewd “that’s what SHE said” jokes around him and watch him get visibly uncomfortable (already-rosy cheeks flush ) -if the “thats what SHE said” jokes don’t make any logical sense, he will get especially mad.

keep giving him attention (aka the opposite of the minch treatment). narrate everything he’s doing then follow it up with “damn that’s SO cool. you’re so good, cale!” watch his already-rosy cheeks flush all the way to the tips of his ears

declare that costcos in edmonton are way better than the costcos in calgary. this might be the only thing that gets a reaction from him.

nathan mackinnon

this man already bullies himself so much lmao 

say “well, in my opinion sidney crosby is far from the best player in the nhl. he’s never been the best player in the nhl” in a calm yet authoritative voice. i almost added “within earshot” but then thought twice because i believe nathan mackinnon has the ability to KNOW whenever someone - anyone- is insulting sidney 

threaten to bring matt duchene back to the avs (just kidding)

be better at something than him

eat one (1) carb, but then make it worse by plying him with research papers about how refined carbs can actually elevate performance, thereby throwing his meticulously-calibrated diet plan into chaos. this will make him question not only his diet plan but everything about his life. he will shave his head and enter a monastery to live away from all of his mortal desires.

become sidney crosby and tell natemac you’re moving for 2 years 

evgeni malkin

i was thinking of implementing the same natemac tactic of telling geno that sidney is not the best, but listen. the difference between natemac and geno? is that if you did this geno would kill you. 

then he would look up and say “Sid best. After me” and go about his day as if nothing happened. 

and that would be the that of that!

(Mark Friedman and Kasperi would come by later to help Geno hide the body)

matthew tkachuk

superglue his mouthguard inside his mouth so he can’t gnaw on it ever again

or better yet, make him play without a mouthguard to deprive him of the only thing that keeps his oral fixation at bay.

tell him that leon draisaitl doesn’t love him and never will, actually

trade him to the sens so he has to be captained by his baby brother brady

andrei vasilevskiy

tell him he’s gotta adopt a dog. no more cat. only dog

connor mcdavid

my brother in christ he’s already in edmonton

sidney crosby

this man is the easiest man to bully in the nhl. it’s simply too easy. breathe 88 times instead of 87 times in his presence on game day or gift him a new jock to replace his current tattered OSHA violation of a jock and he will disintegrate into 87 hockey pucks 

this will make natemac cry. and then geno will kill you.

after extensive contemplation i have decided that willy nylander, marc andre fleury, and brady tkachuk are not bullyable. flower will bully you first then charm you, willy will think you’re flirting with him (and he would be right, goddammit!), and i - i honestly do not think brady tkachuk is real. i believe he is a plant by gary bettman to grow the game.

[wetratheadcanons]

some battinson headcanons cause i still think about him almost a year later but 60% is actually just me projecting onto him

is autistic (obviously), but also has adhd

he also deals with intrusive thoughts, it's why his no-kill-policy is so important to him

loves video games, obscure internet lore and horror - especially analog horror and found footage

his favourite games are project deepweb, he solved it in just a little under 2 hours, and vampyr, he always plays the pacifist run despite it being harder

has a whole wall dedicated to the five nights at freddy's lore, scott cawthorne might be his biggest enemy

absolute animal magnet despite being kinda terrified of all of them

can't go anywhere that has animals because they're immediately flocking to him

the whole "introvert at a party finds the dog" - situation but instead the dog finds bruce and refuses to leave

ace was the first animal bruce wasn't ever really scared of, alfred thinks he may have been trained to be a psychiatric service dog prior to his adoption

wherever bruce is in the tower, ace isn't far away, his presence calms bruce

prefers loud music, he doesn't like being alone in his head too much and the noise helps him

apart from nirvana and my chemical romance, his favourite bands are ghost and ice nine kills because he likes their consistent themes

selina gifted him a pair of pink cat-ear headphones once and they're the only pair he ever wears at home

he claims it's just because they're comfortable but everyone knows it's because he loves them

eats when he's hungry but rarely at specific times, it doesn't make sense to him

he can't really eat after waking up

doesn't eat meat, he feels like it lies too heavy in his stomach

he also doesn't like the smell of cooked meats or fish

he loves sour fruits and has a mild sweet tooth

has a caffeine addiction but he doesn't like the taste of coffee, prefers black and green tea (to alfred's delight) and energy drinks (to alfred's horror)

he's trans ftm who is either gay or bi with a preference for men (he doesn't know and doesn't care to find out)

selina and him never went further than their kiss, bruce will always put gotham before anything else (until dick comes along) and selina needs a freedom that he can't give her

they also both realised it was a spur of the moment thing since they barely knew each other at that time and found they're better off friends

they're co-parenting a kitten though it's adorable really

bruce found her half dead on patrol one night and called selina in a panic about what to do, they named her chewy

ace loves chewy, she sleeps on his head, bruce has an entire folder on his phone dedicated to pictures of them

had a robin hood phase when he was 6, tried to steal from his parents to give to people in need

alfred continually reminds him of this after he takes in dick

his favourite rogue is ivy, they have important conversations (as in ivy talks and bruce hngs) about climate change while bruce tries to stop her from murder

he implements policies build after her ideals into wayne enterprise

his respect for her rises after she gets together with harley

for all that he fights it, he can't sleep without the sound of gotham - which includes gotham typical crime

he thrives when he's alone, it's how he does his best work, be it batman or wayne enterprise

has trouble admitting defeat, dick joining him as robin helped him in that department a great deal

is pierced. he did almost all of them himself, alfred has a heart attack everytime he spots a new one

the public has a weird badboy image of him, bruce has no idea where it came from

doesn't bruise easily but is still constantly in pain

has an absolute shit posture, social anxiety and crime fighting don't help

sleeps in the worst positions humanly possible

has a weird thing about mirrors, avoids them as much as he can

doesn't give interviews ever, it's part being a social recluse, part everything the press did to his parents, part hating to be perceived

has troubles with empathy, but his compassion makes up for it in great detail

dick uses him as a jungle gym, he pretends to be annoyed but secretly loves it

when bruce is working on cases in the cave, dick hangs head down off of bruce's back with his legs over bruce's shoulders

dick claims it helps him think, bruce knows it's because he doesn't want to be alone

bruce loves the relationship dick and selina have, might be a little jealous that cat got through to the boy much faster than him though

after taking in dick, bruce makes sure to show alfred that he actually does see him as a father figure - regrets all the times he told him that alfred's not his father

that's all i have for now

[nanowrimo]

How to Write Comedy Into a Scene

Writing comedy is arguably one of the hardest things to master when it comes to writing. Thankfully, Rosalind Sterling is here to give you a comprehensive guide on how to write comedy into a scene!

As much as we love laughter, trying to implement it in our writing can sometimes be more difficult than other aspects of the writing process.  So here I’m going to explain the different forms of comedy and how you can properly incorporate them into your writing so you have your reader rolling on the floor.  Hopefully from laughter and not from injury, but I digress.

Types of humor:

The amount of subgenres for humor is almost endless which is why I’ll focus on the most popular kinds, and the ones I personally write the most so I can give a more experienced perspective on it.

Slapstick comedy- often focuses on exaggerated movements and facial expressions.  Most commonly seen in looney toons and the three stooges.

Dark comedy- is a form of humor that takes morbid topics and represents them in a somewhat light-hearted fashion to make us laugh

Parody- a piece of media that makes fun of something else.

Spoof- a lighter version of parodies, and one I often use.  It also makes fun of things to make people laugh but more calmly and subtly.  Like a story being self-aware of the tropes it uses.

Situational comedy- A type of comedy that draws from the components of a situation and the dynamics of the cast members to create a humorous scene.  Like a scene consisting of a ridiculous circumstance that is resolved in a humorous manner.  

Now that you have an idea of the different types of comedy out there, how do you make a scene funny?  Here are some prime examples and forms your comedy can take.

Make it like a cartoon

Slapstick is something you might find difficult to do in the form of a novel, but often I will put my characters in a situation so over the top that it’s hard to envision as anything other than an animated comedy sketch.  I might describe the character falling down the stairs in a way so ridiculous that it’s clear it’s comedy’s sake and not to give them a thousand injuries. (Or both, shhh)

I specifically use one description of one of the comedic creatures in my novel in this way.  I usually describe these creatures as making a “squeaky toy sound” when they fall or creating different sound effects depending on what they’re doing.  This may sound very odd out of context, but the key to making it work is setting the universe in a way that lets the readers know that they’re in for a wild ride, and anything can happen which makes this more believable.

Expect the unexpected:

This ties into the first tip.  If you have a world where anything could happen.  Take advantage of that and surprise the readers.  This doesn’t mean your story can’t have rules or limitations, but if your universe allows over-the-top fictional elements, my best advice is to run with it.

For example, it's noted from the beginning that my story’s universe has a lot of rules that don’t follow our logic.  One of these abnormal elements is that animals and other creatures have a large amount of self-awareness.  The animals may not talk but can often understand a lot more than what they could in real life.  Allowing me to write a wacky comedy about a hedgehog who often drinks lemonade while bathing in the sun, a cat who will give you a dirty look at the smallest of insults, or a dog who can understand sarcasm and slap you upside the head.

Dark comedy- wait no turn the lights back on

Nah I’m not talking about comedy that takes place in the dark, but that wouldn’t be a bad idea.  Just imagine taking a bunch of people who don't get along and putting them in a dark room to fend for themselves.  That’ll lead to some humorous disaster.  But that’s not what I’m referring to.  I’m talking about humor that delves into an often forbidden zone.  Now by no means get the terms dark humor and offensive humor mixed up.  There are plenty of ways to use dark comedy in a way that doesn’t anger anyone.  For example, you don’t have to say something mean about someone or a group of people to create dark comedy.  You could instead make fun of a rather concerning situation like burglary, and make it humorous by adding your own twist.  Your main character may have been robbed last night, but be thankful the expensive perfume the guy stole was actually a bottle of mace.  No wonder they heard him screaming on his way out…

Don’t be shy, make fun of it :)

Okay, so there’s a brand of clothing you really hate.  Or a music band you really love.  Whether you love or hate your joke’s next victim, the possibilities of things you could make fun of are endless.  It doesn’t necessarily have to be an insult though.  Something I often parody/spoof in my books is the tropes I use.  I find it funny when the characters become aware that they’re in a Hallmark-style romance scene or crying out their feelings no less dramatic than a 90’s soap opera.  You could be as friendly or as brutal with this one, so go wild.  I will warn that depending on what you are parodying might be copyrighted.  Like a movie or song.  So I would be careful with those.  Though the law does allow parodies as long as they stray far from their original content, there’s nothing funny about a lawsuit…Okay, maybe it’s a little funny depending on the context.  But if that’s your concern, you could stick to making fun of tropes, objects, situations, or anything that doesn’t tread the waters of copyright infringement.

Actions speak louder than words

Another form of comedy is situational comedy.  The situation doesn't necessarily have to be over the top or chaotic, but feel free to make it such if you feel it fits.  But situational comedy is what it’s named after.  A comedy that relies solely on the character’s dynamic and scene components to result in a fit of laughter.  I remember reading one of the Tales from the Gas station books  (the specific book escapes me so forgive my goldfish memory)  The main character was in a hospital and didn’t want the doctor to find a piece of paper that I believe was a suspicious diary entry.  He panicked when the doctor came in and tried eating the paper after finding no place to hide it.  When the doctor spoke to him, he had no choice but to slowly spit out the paper and let it fall to his lap as he and the doctor gave each other an equally concerned look, leaving an awkward silence that made me laugh harder than I expected to.  I do recommend that series if you want more examples of wacky cartoonish humor, but these situations don’t have to be wacky to be funny.  Depending on how it's written, it could fit even in the most average and realistic of comedies.

Other ways to add comedy

But what if your universe isn’t wacky?  Or you like your humor as clean and lighthearted as my dog’s training history.  Okay, maybe that was a bad example.  But what if your universe is quite realistic to our own?  And the story is geared to a younger audience or people you generally wouldn’t want risky humor going to?  If that’s the case, I would go with something a bit lighter.  For example, maybe some establishments or organizations have funny names and/or acronyms.  Maybe the characters can briefly mention something humorous that happened to them during a completely normal conversation.   One minute they’re talking about ice cream, next they’re discussing how they once had a food fight at the local ice cream parlor that resulted in three broken windows, a twenty jail sentence, and a strange fear of mint chocolate chip.  How it escalated that quickly is up to you to decide.  Chaos and out-of-context sentences can and will be your best friend in some cases.  Or maybe your descriptions can be written funnily.  (I find this works best if you use unique but ill-fitting comparisons.)  Or your cast occasionally breaks the fourth wall and insults your choice of fictional tropes. And lastly, you can never go wrong with one-liners.  But I’ll explain how this could go wrong and how you can prevent that.

Keep it in character

I know I know.  You have an absolutely stomach twistingly hilarious one-liner or situation you’re ready to unleash to the world to unveil its unholy power of timeless humor.  But before you release the beast, think about if it’s really needed.  Is this something your character would normally say or do?  If not, your one-liner is no longer funny and is instead confusing.  If little Jimmy here is so shy and sweet, why did he just rip the most atrocious, earth-shattering deranged, insult to poor and undeserving aunt Gretchen?  Okay, maybe that would be funny.  Something about children doing the most unexpected and aggressive things makes me laugh.  But it’s still out of character.  Even if I did laugh, it would make me question what brought on such a sudden and useless addition to the conversation.

Timing and length

*Grabs your shoulders and stares into your soul*  Now, listen to me closely.  Timing and length are everything.  Quite literally.  You could concoct the most backflip-inducing joke, but put it in the wrong place and you’ll get a less than favorable reaction.

And the length of the joke is just as important.  This is important because if you ramble about your punch line, or cut it off too soon, you could soil the humor behind it.  I remember reading a fanfiction a while ago that made a really great joke that made me laugh, but they ended up rambling about their punchline and dissecting the reason why it was funny to the point that it made me close the link and stop reading.  Please don’t do this.  Your readers aren’t stupid.  At least I hope not.

Most of the time if you make a joke, your readers will get it, so don’t over-explain it.  I've fallen victim to this and have gone back to old drafts of mine only to wonder why I was defining a joke as if it wasn’t obvious enough.

These are just a few of the things that help me write humor.  Every writer is different and has their own process.  If these don’t work for you I suggest looking around and trying new techniques until you find what does.  In the meantime. Happy writing and good luck!

Rosalind Sterling is a crime/comedy author, freelance writer, and artist who takes great joy in dabbling outside the box to find new and creative ways to tell stories.  They are in the process of publishing the first book in their crime/comedy/sci-fi trilogy "Villain Vs. Villain" in the summer of 2023, and can primarily be found on their Instagram @blues_story_corner as well as their website:  https://www.authorrosalindbsterling.com/

Photo by Gabrielle Henderson on Unsplash

[t4twnyclaw]

30?! 6? sorry i will hear you out but the years being so short surprised me, esp considering all the shit with past talk in the early arcs where they made everything sound really ancient and the mentions of Great Cats like a lion, tiger, etc. i know it's probably been retconned in canon since but still, only 30 years was quite shocking and 6 as a lifespan. that's only abt 5 generations of cats give or take that's lived at the arc 1 territories

I can't do math, I might change it to 40 years. To be fair Rusty would've joined around 2003. And TRUE, the clans being created and the dawn of the clans and creation of the warrior code and what not do sound ancient however you also have to remember DOTC canonically still had cars, and cats in collars and silver trash cans, I think. So, I don't know... also I'm only referring to the actual migration of the Mountain cats to the Forest, not how the mountain cats came to be or anything.

As for the life expectancy, I think it's somewhat fair considering the period.

Grey Wing canonically was only 2 years old when he died. TWO YEARS. He had full grown children at this time too, so having an average lifespan being 6 is in my opinion, is generous.

Here's my rough idea/timeline of events;

ANCIENT ERA (1970-1975)

-> Great migration (Mountain cats go to the Forest) -> Early Wars (No one really likes the Mountain cats. Clear Sky attempts to make his own group and is beat up by One-Eye.) -> Ends with the Blood Bath of Five Trees. (And the death of a god.)

NEW ERA / DISCOVERY ERA (1975-1986)

-> Clans are 'created' and the first warrior code is implemented. -> Moth Flight born + Religious beliefs solidified. -> Moth Flight creates the Healer Vow. No family allowed. -> Era ends with the destruction of Skyclan

SKYCLAN PERISHS (1987)

-> Their old camp/territory gets turned into a dog park. Most cats relocate but some join the other clans. -> The event was foretold by Moth Flight, thus giving more believability to Starclan and Healers.

THE "GOLDEN" ERA (1987-1999)

-> Somewhat peaceful, since the clans have more territory and resources without Skyclan. -> Other warrior code changes are made and built upon. -> Era ends with Mapleshade's Vegence and the creation of Queen's Vow, literally same concept and idea from bonefall's redux.

MODERN ERA (2000-2003)

-> Fighting between everyone, Riverclan vs Thunderclan, Windclan Vs Shadowclan. -> RUSTY JOINS!

[sibyl-of-space]

I FINALLY, FINALLY, FINALLY HAVE SUBSTANTIAL PROGRESS TO SHOW FOR MY GHOST TRICK ROMHACK. [04/18/2024]

THERE IS LITERALLY ONE SINGLE THING LEFT TO IMPLEMENT BEFORE I CAN CALL IT DONE.

As it is a massively spoilery ROMhack, details below the cut, do not open unless you have beaten the game.

You have no idea how long I've been trying to make this happen.

The point of the hack is to replace every single instance of Sissel in the game with the cat (so you can play as a cat WOOO!!!) and leave Yomiel as-is (since he uses almost all of the same assets, which made this go from a "could do it in a weekend" hack to "has taken me about 4 years" hack).

For the longest time I had successfully replaced all of Sissel's sprites in each scene using a script I wrote after a ton of digging, because for almost all of the game the sprites are associated with each line of localized text (defined per-localization). So I just ran the file for each scene through a script that find+replaces all of the codes for Sissel's Yomiel sprites, point them to the cat, and then revert some scenes that have false positives (late game scenes with Yomiel). This didn't take too long to figure out and I documented the journey on Romhacking.net.

What this did not do was address the Yomiel!Sissel sprite in 3 places:

The "phone line is down" scene

The people directory

The "I fucked up let's rewind time" scene

The phone line was the easiest fix, I realized after much headache that using save states actually caches the system_0000 file [so changing that file and then loading the save state does NOT reflect the change], and *that* is where the phone line sprite is defined. Once I realized that, the script I used for everything else found another sprite code and fixed it. That last fix was... a while ago.

I tried to update the directory the same way, but the directory file did not have the sprite codes in it anywhere. It had the upper screen animations, so I was able to edit the animation of Yomiel's dead body and replace it with a kitty, but the sprite could not be changed from there.

Today, I have finally figured out why. I spent over 10 hours yesterday following the dead end of trying to figure out progression stuff via meticulous edits to the chapter.xml file, and after learning a lot about how the game works that does not help this hack whatsoever, it occurred to me that these sprites seem to be treated by the game as UI elements. So... I had to start looking at how the game handles UI stuff.

Many frustrating hours later, I finally found what I was looking for (at least for the phone book), and it was found in overlay9_0006.bin. I narrowed this down by noticing that if I replaced this overlay file with junk the game would play normally until I tried to load the directory and then it would crash. Then I eventually was able to replace Sissel's sprite with the cat, and it was very annoying but I'm so glad it's done. I was also able to replace the sprite on the bottom screen, but unfortunately there is no definition for the cat there that I could replace it with (and since the cat is black it might not even show up anyway...), so I settled on the ghost as it's neutral enough.

The unfortunate news is that this still leaves the "rewind time" scene, and that is the most important of the 3 because it comes up so often in gameplay. If I had found that one first I might have shipped the hack as-is. But I do not feel it is complete until I can find that last fucking bit of code.

I have a bit of an idea of where it might be. I think it is also in the overlay files. I KNOW it's NOT in 0002, 0004, or 0006, because replacing those with junk I was able to load the rewind time scene just fine. It is in one of:

overlay0000 - editing this one caused the game itself to fail to load even before the title screen, so I am assuming this is a very low-level overlay and am leaving it alone for now.

overlay0001 - same.

overlay0003 - this is the likeliest culprit. If modified, the game can load but as soon as you try to press either "select chapter" or "continue" it crashes. I imagine most of the UI stuff for regular gameplay is in here then which shoooould have the "Rewind Time" scene?

overlay0005 - second likeliest culprit. If modified the game can load the Capcom/etc logos but crashes trying to load the title screen itself. This implies to me it has info on the main title screen menus which I suppose could theoretically be the same level as the rewind time scenes, though I kind of doubt that and 0003 still seems likeliest to me.

I don't know when I will have time to work on this again. Technically I didn't have time to work on it this week, I just kind of did anyway. But next time I pick it back up, if I can find what part of (probably) overlay9_0003 (maybe) includes the code for that rewind time scene, I can finish this project that I started so long ago they went and made a whole ass Switch release in the interim.