#my brain's normal!!!! i feel like crying and dying because...

[bunnihearted]

💭🌸

[raystie]

wow my last post was in Feb so despite not really having a following here I still feel obligated to say I'm going through a Bad Time both mentally and physically rn I can't even be bothered to think about or play Yakuza or do anything really. not dead but I sure feel like I'm on the way there rn. won't be here for a while take care everyone

[steddieas-shegoes]

A little thing based on this post because it wouldn’t leave my brain:

“I just don’t understand why you won’t try to read it.”

Steve had heard Dustin say this exact sentence hundreds of times at this point.

“I mean, do you know how to read?”

Mike was an asshole. Steve loved him because he was part of the group and he’d been through the same things, but he was such a dick.

“Yes, I know how to read. I just don’t.”

Dustin rolled his eyes.

“If you don’t wanna read nerd shit just say so.”

Steve threw his arms up in frustration.

Steve was a nerd at heart. As a child, he would beg the nanny to take him to the library and the science museum that had real dinosaur fossils. There was something about the peace of exiting his reality and finding a new one among fantasy and history that was indescribable, even to this day.

But as he grew into his looks, he grew out of that phase. At least around others.

And with no nanny around to take him places, he settled for just being the popular guy who hung out with his friends after practice and threw parties at his forever empty house on Saturdays.

But secretly, he still found himself enjoying books late into the night. Never school books, or his grades would’ve been good enough for college, but always incredible novels that took him to other worlds with the most impressively brave people.

And then he lived a nightmare. A few times over. With concussions at every turn.

Now, anytime he tried to read, his head started pounding, his vision got blurry, and ears would start ringing. He stopped trying altogether after Starcourt, but he’d never really let go his love of books.

He occasionally let Robin read to him, but she would get distracted by a plot or character and go on a tangent, leaving Steve confused about what the actual story was. He hated being confused.

“Stevie, you got a minute?”

Eddie had been watching from his spot at the end of the table, where he’d been cleaning up the mess of D&D. He usually made the kids do it, but he’d let them off the hook tonight when they beat the monster and escaped his trap.

Steve and Eddie were friends, definitely. Maybe not close ones, but friends.

Steve had a little crush, definitely. Or a big one. Maybe.

So when Eddie shows him attention, he somewhat shamefully receives it like he’s dying of thirst in a desert.

Robin is the only one who’s noticed so far, but if he keeps acting like a dog being called by his master anytime Eddie talks to him, someone else will comment on it.

“Yeah, what’s up?” Steve asked as he made his way to Eddie.

The kids took this time to talk amongst themselves about the game and what they think will happen next week, and Steve couldn’t have been more grateful.

“You don’t have to tell me, but.” Eddie was tapping his fingers nervously against his leg. “Do you not know how to read?”

“Uh. No I do. I mean I graduated high school. I know it’s hard to believe.”

“Not judging if you can’t, man. I mean, I took three senior years. I’m the last person who can judge.”

“Yeah, but you’re smart. You just didn’t like school,” Steve replied with a pat to his shoulder.

Eddie glanced down at the contact, eyebrow raising and then falling back to normal quickly.

“Just seems like you’d have read something by now to get them off your ass.”

And that’s a really good point. Maybe he should’ve just suffered through a migraine so they’d leave him alone about it.

But migraines left him out for days sometimes, and he couldn’t exactly afford that right now.

“I guess it’s just not worth the migraine.”

He hadn’t meant to actually say it. He didn’t want Eddie to feel bad or for him to try to make him feel better about it or ask questions or talk about the concussion thing.

Actually, did he even know about the concussion thing? Things?

“You get migraines when you try to read?” Then realization hit Eddie hard. “Steve. Do you like reading?”

Something about the way Eddie was looking at him, like he was sad for him but not pitying him, made Steve want to cry.

“I used to, yeah.”

“Everyone out! Your parents are gonna have to come get you! No questions, no explanations, go!” Eddie yelled to the room.

Everyone stared blankly at him before they started protesting, Dustin loudest of all.

“Steve’s my ride!”

“Not anymore. Hitch a ride with Lucas.”

“But Lucas’ mom always squeezes my cheeks and tells me she hopes I never lose my baby fat.”

“She speaks for all of us. Get the hell out of here!”

Steve was actually impressed. Maybe a little turned on? God, he was a disaster.

As everyone cleared out of the room, Eddie patted the seat next to him. When Steve sat down, Eddie scooted his chair so close to him, his knees were touching Steve’s.

“Alright, so you’re gonna tell me about what books you like and what books you want to read and we’re gonna get started.”

Steve blinked at him. “Huh?”

“You have a list I’m sure.”

“Yeah, but…”

“Okay, then we better get started.”

“I mean, I’ve tried. I appreciate it, but even focusing on one page makes my eyes burn and my head hurt.”

“Got that. I’m not asking you to read.”

Sometimes Steve was worried the concussions had actually knocked some screws loose. He wasn’t getting it.

“I’m gonna read to you, Stevie.”

“You don’t have to do that. I’m sure a lot of them will be movies and I can just watch them.”

“It’s not the same. You know it’s not.”

He was right. Steve didn’t have much patience for movies. And sometimes even those gave him migraines if there were a lot of bright lights and explosions.

“Yeah. But still. You don’t have to do that. You might not even like the books.”

“Ah, this isn’t a completely free service, my liege.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “I don’t have extra money to pay you, dude.”

“Not money. I get to pick a book to read to you when we finish the first book you pick.”

“Is it The Hobbit?”

“It is,” Eddie looked so smug.

“Well, that was my first choice,” Steve stared back, equally as smug.

“So, your house is empty.”

“Yep.”

“And I’m assuming you own this book.”

“I do.”

“And it’s getting late.”

Steve looked out the window at the pitch black skies.

“It’s late.”

“So I could stay and read you to sleep.”

“Won’t I miss some of the book?”

“I’ll stop when you’re asleep.”

Steve’s heart was practically begging him to say yes. Eddie reading to him in his bed? Possibly falling asleep together? Maybe even waking up together? It couldn’t be a better proposition. Well. It could.

“Will you stay even if I fall asleep?”

Eddie smirked. “If that’s what you want, sweetheart.”

It wasn’t the first time he’d called Steve that, but it was the first time it felt like he meant it in a non-teasing way.

“Okay.”

So they both changed into some of Steve’s comfy clothes, got into his bed, and Eddie started reading The Hobbit.

Just as he was during D&D and real life, Eddie was animated, providing different voices for different characters and often giving long pauses to let Steve soak in what the words meant.

Steve didn’t even have to ask him to do that. He just did.

Steve fell asleep somewhere between halfway and the end of chapter two, but Eddie stayed.

And they woke up the next day with Steve’s head resting on Eddie’s chest, Eddie’s arms wrapped around him to keep him as close as possible.

They finished the The Hobbit in a week, and because Eddie was now committed to making sure Steve was well-read, they started moving through his list rapidly, falling for each other in new ways every time Eddie turned a page.

Part 2 (Angst)  / Part 2 (Fluffy) /  Part 2 (Explicit)

[fiapartridge]

gabe perreault imagine please 🙏🙏

long time coming | gabe perreault 💌🌊⭐️

gabe perreault x fem!reader

summary: you're sick and the only person who can cure you is your best friend, gabe!

warning(s): fluff, fluff, fluff

author's note: eee this is my first gabe fic! thank u anon for suggesting him, i was in a huge writers slump so ty ty ty! enjoy!

You had heard stories of people falling in love with their best friend; it happened to your parents, your older sister and her boyfriend, all of your cousins, but to you, love just felt unattainable, like maybe you were the exception. The love bug skipped a generation and was already preparing for the next—but now? Now you felt it. You felt it crawl underneath your skin and bubble in your stomach. You felt your chest tighten and the heat rise to your cheeks. 

You were in love, true love.

“Gabe,” you groaned over the phone, his breathing sounding staticy over the line. You had been sick for a few days, only a slight cough and an itchy throat, but today felt 10 times worse. Your stomach was aching, your head felt like it was getting hit by a basketball every couple of seconds, and you sniffled so frequently you were sure that something was going to go up the wrong pipe and straight up to your brain. 

And you felt bad, not only because of your illness, but because it was nearly 2 AM and you could hear Gabe shuffle underneath his dark blue sheets in the dorm he shared with his best friend, Will Smith. You knew it was late and this was wrong. I mean, the boy had a game against Boston University in the morning, now was not the time to wake him, but you just didn’t know what to do. You felt like you were dying and all you needed was one of Gabe’s famous hugs and maybe a back rub (he was really good at those).

“Hey,” he said quietly, trying not to wake the snoring Will on the other side of the room. His eyes were fighting to stay open, determined not to lean onto his fluffy white pillow and fall back to sleep. “You okay?”

You sniffled, grabbing another tissue from the box that laid beside your bed. “I feel like I’m dying,” you responded, your voice sounding congested and nasally—not in the slightest like your normal tone.

You could hear shuffling on the other side of the phone. Then, you could hear keys jangling and his closet door opening, a hoodie getting thrown over his body, and then the door to his dorm being pulled open. You wanted to protest because you knew what he was doing, where he was going, but you had no energy to speak. Instead, your stubborn voice turned to loud coughs that made Gabe want to pull you in his arms and hold you until they faded into oblivion.

But he couldn’t. It was too much for you. It would be weird. You wouldn’t feel the same. It was the exact same thing he’s been telling himself for months (really what he’s been telling himself since the moment he met you). It would ruin your guys’ friendship and you will never want to speak to him again. If only he could hear your thoughts because then, maybe he’d be thinking differently, and it wouldn’t be so hard.

Three soft knocks on the door of your dorm signaled exactly what you suspected would happen. Gabe was your best friend and if he caught the flu, you would be there holding his hand and making him a bowl of chicken noodle soup. If you were crying about a failed test, he would buy you ice cream and agree to watch countless episodes of The Bachelor until you were feeling okay again. One time you were sick with Covid and Gabe didn’t even care. He stayed with you during quarantine, snuggled under mountains of blankets, watching movies until you were sick of them, and gossiping about anyone and anything. It wasn’t a surprise that he caught the sickness a couple days later. Your moms laughed about the memory, finding it endearing that you two loved each other so much that you were willing to be sick together. 

Gabe settled some medicine on your bedside table before lifting your light pink covers and crawling into bed with you. You fit perfectly into his arms, like this spot was made just for you. Despite your sweaty forehead and aching body, he held you tightly, placing small kisses on the crown of your head. Your parents had always joked about you two getting married someday, but sometimes you wished that it was real; that you would grow old with him and live in a big white house with a white picket fence and a large rose garden in the backyard. You truly couldn’t see your life with anyone else. 

But that was silly. Gabe was your best friend. That would just be weird—right?

“I’m sorry,” you whispered. He walked all the way from his building to yours in the middle of the night despite having a ginormous game tomorrow. He felt unreal, like how could a person be so perfect and somehow be yours?

“Don’t be,” his words were just as soft. His chin resting on the top of your head as yours fit in the space between his neck and shoulder, leaving delicate kisses on his adams apple. This isn’t what best friends do, you told yourself. Best friends don’t kiss each other. Best friends don’t cuddle underneath sheets and hold hands to “warm each other up.” It was confusing and you hated it. You hated not knowing how he was feeling when you knew exactly how you felt about Gabe.

“You didn’t have to come here.”

“You called.”

You laughed. “That doesn’t mean anything. You could’ve stayed in bed and slept longer and had good dreams and—”

“Hey,” he smiled down softly at you, lifting your chin to look up at him. His hand lingered there for a while, not wanting to move away from you. There was something about you that made Gabe want to be closer and closer. There was something that made him want to parade you around campus, telling everyone that you were his. He wanted to see you in his jersey and kiss you after games and hold you tight at parties. He wanted to take you with him to New York when he plays for the Rangers after college and introduce you to his family as his girlfriend instead of just his best friend. Gabe was ready for more, but he hated thinking that you might not be. “I wasn’t just going to let you die, okay?”

You rolled your eyes. “Yeah, like that one time you pushed me down that water slide at Hurricane Harbor.”

“Pft, you wanted to go down that.”

You chuckled incredulously. “There is no way you just said that.”

“‘Oh, Gabe, please take me on this waterslide. I’ve been dying to go with you.’”

“I don’t sound like that.”

He grinned. “Yeah, you sound like this,” he said, pinching his nose with his fingers, his voice sounding blocked and nasally.

You pushed his hands away, hiding your face in his clothed chest. “Shut up.”

“C’mon, you love it.”

“I will fight you.”

He ran his hand up and down your arm, your eyes fluttering closed and your breathing steadying. He held you tighter, wrapping both arms around you and snuggling deeper into the bed. His last words before you fell into hypnosis lingered in your mind as you couldn’t even escape your lovestruck dreams of the perfect boy. “Keep telling yourself that, sicko.”

By the time the sun rose, you were sure that he would be gone; that his hoodie would be collected from the carpet, that his legs would no longer be intertwined with yours, and that his belongings would be gone, but he was still there and you were still in his arms and everything was still perfect. His breathing was soft and slow, his little curls were a bit tussled, his cheeks were pale, and you wondered what he was dreaming about that left a ghost of a smile on his face.

You wanted to wake up like this everyday and everyday after that. So yeah, maybe you were in love. Maybe you were in deep. And maybe you were ready to tell him.

He rustled around before lifting his eyes open, his smile growing wider when he saw your pink face, knowing he caught you staring at him as you glanced around the room, trying not to make eye contact with the boy.

“Feeling better?” he asked, turning to his side and facing you. 

A strand slipped through your loose ponytail and settled on the front of your face, covering your eyes as he allowed his hands to work faster than his mind. He slowly brought his hand up, carefully moving the strand behind your ear. And you would expect the moment to be over but when his hand lingered on your cheek, his thumb lightly running over the smooth skin of your face, you knew that maybe just maybe there could be something more.

You nodded slowly. “I’m okay.”

“I’m glad. I hate seeing my girl sick,” he spoke softly as if speaking any louder would shatter the calming atmosphere. 

My girl. You wanted to allow your mind to toss and turn, investigate the meaning behind those two words, search for his thought-process, his feelings, anything, but for the first time in forever, you felt serene and calm with him. You didn’t feel the need to wonder what this meant for the two of you. You were perfectly content where you were now, where you were going, and what you were going to do next.

You placed your hand on his chest, feeling his heart beat fast yet gentle. His eyes wandered down to your place of connection and when they met yours again, you could’ve sworn you saw something: a spark, hope, clarity, confirmation.

And when he leaned in, holding your face close with the hand still resting on your cheek, his lips hovering over yours, desperate to connect, you knew nothing would be the same. He would never be just your best friend anymore. And you were perfectly okay with that.

As Gabe leaned in, his lips met yours in a tender, yet passionate kiss. It was a moment that felt suspended in time, where every sensation was heightened—the warmth of his touch, the softness of his lips, the racing of your heart. In that instant, all doubts melted away, replaced by an overwhelming sense of certainty and bliss.

The kiss deepened, as if both of you were pouring all the unspoken feelings and desires into this one act. Your hands found their way to his hair, fingers threading through the soft strands as you pulled him closer, wanting to feel every part of him against you. His arms tightened around you, pulling you impossibly closer as if he never wanted to let go.

Time seemed to stand still as you lost yourselves in each other, the outside world fading into insignificance. When you finally broke apart, breathless and flushed, you found yourselves gazing into each other's eyes, the realization of what had just happened sinking in. But there was no fear, no uncertainty, only a profound sense of connection and joy.

“I’m sick,” you said, making Gabe chuckle softly. Of course your first words after a long-anticipated kiss would be that. But that’s what Gabe loved about you. You were you in every sense of the word. You are the reason his stomach hurts from laughing every time he comes back to his dorm, staring into space as he thinks about your giggle and your smile and your stupid humor. You are everything. You’re the world. 

I just kissed the world, Gabe thought. My girl.

With a smile that spoke volumes, Gabe whispered, "I don’t care." 

“You will when you get sick.”

“And will you be here? When I get sick?” he asked, his thumb running back and forth on the exposed space of skin on your pelvis. 

You nodded. You would be there for him through anything no matter what. “Always.”

“Then I’m okay with it.”

And in that moment, as you nestled into his embrace once more, you knew that the stories were real and true; that love is real and true, because you just fell in it and you couldn’t be happier.

[horuslupercal]

got asked on the Guilliman post so

How Primarchs Cry (To Me)

Lion: represses and represses and represses and then hides away in a closet squished into the corner like a cat on its deathbed but otherwise cries pretty normally. do not point it out to him. gets defensive if you point it out

Fulgrim: gets headaches from crying so hard. keeps a handkerchief nearby because his face gets all gross. at some point in every hardcore crying session he verbally says, "enough." because it annoys him

Perturabo: trying everything in his power to give off the vibe that he never cries. takes every breath very carefully to make sure it's silent, confidently strides off away from this shit (hides away), etc

Khan: is fine, is fine, is fine, and then he's laying in bed and suddenly has to bolt upright to cry into his hands because holy shit that's sure a wave of emotion. it's okay, it'll pass, but hooooly shit at this exact moment it hurts. doesn't want to be seen but it's not the worst thing in the world if he is

Russ: crawls under Freki and Geri like when they were pups and cries for a good while. at some point he rolls over and runs his hand over his face and then grabs one of his brothers around the neck for a wrestle session and he's either fine or he's fine enough to keep on keeping on

Dorn: goes to a private room, does the "I am in control of my emotions" like Spock in that one TOS episode, and then spins around and puts his fist through the wall. opens the door with a hole in the wall and his hair no longer perfectly coiffed and his face blotchy and red and tells you he wasn't crying

Konrad: either silently weeping or wailing like a banshee. never in between. he doesn't choose which.

Sanguinius: the only primarch who can pretty cry but only up to a certain level. at some point he starts screaming and wailing like a fox caught in a bear trap and doubling over in pain and his hair gets all stuck to his face

Ferrus: throws tantrums. doesn't collapse to the floor like a toddler but does start breaking things. makes fun of the reason for his upset -- the mid-funeral roast session in some au where Fulgrim dies pre-heresy would get him cancelled on twitter because it's the only way he can deal with something that shattering. I'm pretty sure I got that headcanon from @luwupercal actually

Angron: cries for all sorts of reasons. sometimes the nails make him cry, not because they hurt or because he hates them but just because they're directly fucking with his brain chemistry. that's the kind of passive cry where he's crying but it's not an event, it's just his tear ducts doing their thing. used to seek out comfort from his siblings in the pit when he was crying from emotion, now he flips tables and screams

Guilliman: an asthmatic pug caught in a plastic ring. gasping for air, sounds like he's being strangled, the works. sounds like he's dying

Mortarion: also sounds asthmatic, on account of the asthma. his tear ducts don't work right so he doesn't really "cry" so much as hyperventilate and occasionally dry heave

Magnus: the crying is what it is, the psychic crying is the real event. his aura gets real sticky and slow and sad, like syrup, and has a tendency to kind of. contaminate other people with his grief unless he specifically stops it from doing that. I feel like he cries when he's mad, too

Horus: sits down and covers his mouth with his hand and puts his elbow on his knee and cries like that. for some reason I feel like it's especially weird for the luna wolves to see him cry -- it's always weird to see your parent cry, but it's extra weird for them and I'm not sure why. horus sitting on a couch crying with his head in his hands and two luna wolves sending panicked looks at each other 👍

Lorgar: compresses/hugs himself so hard he can't breathe, digs his nails into his skin, etc. we saw in the first heretic that he makes himself physically uncomfortable about grief and that's really stuck with me tbh. doesn't really.... know how to cry without also being in physical pain about it

Vulkan: bows his head and weeps, standing right where he is. weirdly bad at being okay with his own grief specifically -- he'll comfort a brother without issue, but his own makes him feel on edge and sedentary and he needs to move and do something and not stand here being sad, he needs to take action, he can't let it be sticky and slow

Corvus: repression king. he can't cry right now he's too BUSY. fuck this shit. and then there's a trigger and he shatters like a popsicle bridge with too much weight on it. the year of isolation before his departure definitely involved a blanket burrito

Alpharius Omegon: how do they need to cry for this scenario?

[hyunjins-orange-slice-too]

Connected ch1

pairing: chan x reader

genre: fluff, hurt/comfort

word count: ~1.3k

synopsis: upset reader comments on chans room, chan sees it and privately reaches out to reader to comfort them.

warnings: crying, brief mention of dying (like as a joke), christopher using his rizz, i think that’s all?

an: this is a repost from my recently deceased blog hyunjins-orange-slice. may she rest in peace. this was originally a request from a moot but now has turned into a full series!

masterlist * next chapter

your phone dinged with a notification. wiping the tears from your cheeks, you pick up the device.

youtube: Stray Kids is Live- 찬이의 “방” 🐺 ep.209

you clicked on the link. the screen shows the studio, chans empty chair, the chat moving so quickly you struggle to read it, and FAM plays softly in the background.

you prop your phone up on the pillow next to you, curling your body on its side, sniffling still but finding comfort in the livestream.

as the song comes to an end, chan takes his seat. “안녕하세요“ he sing songs, smiling. and you smile too.

the live goes on for a little over an hour, and by the end of it you’re feeling a bit better. but you have a sneaking suspicion that once the video ends, so will your happiness. even the thought of that steals away some of your joy.

“stayyy im going to go.” he says. “감사합니다“

he waits a moment as more comments roll in. he reads through them.

‘no don’t go!’ ‘bye channie! remember to rest and eat well!’. ‘사랑해요~~’ ‘big hug??’

you read through the chat the best you could, and you normally don’t comment. but today you weren’t having the best day and his live really helped you, if only for a moment. so you click on the chat bar and begin typing.

“chan, im having a pretty rough day today, but your big hugs always help! thank you for this livestream ❤️”

you hesitated for a moment. reading your comment over and over, wondering if it sounded too cheesy. you decided that it totally sounded too cheesy, but the live was ending and what are the odds of him seeing it anyway? so you press send.

he’s still looking down at his phone, reading the comments.

“you’re having a rough day?” he reads aloud, looking up into the camera. your stomach dropped, and the eye contact was making you blush. “i’m sorry you’re having a bad day.” he pouted. “i’m glad i could help a little.” he smiles and then stands. “for everyone who’s having a bad day, or for anyone who may want one, let’s do a hug” he spreads his arms out wide, “biiiig hugggg” he says, leaning toward the screen.

you knew the smile on your face was goofy as hell, but you didn’t care. you couldn’t help it. he sat back down and said his outro, thanking the stays and doing his signature pose, and then the screen went black.

the smile stayed on your face for longer than you expected. but then the day came crashing back to you, the same thoughts, the same fears plaguing your brain. you let out a sad sigh. you could feel the tears coming on again, so you grabbed your switch, deciding you would try to occupy your brain with video games so you wouldn’t be thinking about your life (mood).

you played for hours, your thumbs moving furiously over the joysticks, until eventually you fell into a fitful sleep. you awoke in the middle of the night from yet another nightmare, your heart beating out of your chest, your face and pillow wet with your tears. you reach for your phone in the darkness to check the time. 2am. but that’s not the only thing you see on your screen. you have an instagram messenger notification. you were instantly confused. no one ever messages you on instagram. you cautiously opened the app and clicked the messages in the top corner. what you saw next had your heart seizing. you had accepted your fate. this was how you died and honestly.. you were okay with it. because on your screen, staring back at you, was a message from bang chan. like thee bang chan. like christopher bahng himself. complete with blue check mark and all.

you sat bolt upright in bed, suddenly not sleepy at all but at full attention. you clicked on his message.

“hey this might be weird.. and im not even sure if you’re the right person im looking for. but this picture and username matches the one on youtube?” -9:04pm

“is that weird? it’s weird.” -9:06pm

“i’m sorry ㅋㅋ“ -9:07pm

“did you comment on a live stream of mine that you were having a bad day? if not, this is totally embarrassing and ignore this.” -9:08pm

“oh, you’re probably sleeping” -9:30pm

“sorry again.” -9:31pm

•

you chuckled at his messages. they seemed very… chan. but then the realization hit you. do you message him back? of course you do. every stay dreams of this moment. so you should send him a message. right? yes. definitely reply. but what do you say?

‘oh my god’ you type and erase. ‘yeah that’s me’ erase ‘i’m such a big fan’ erase ‘sorry if i bothered you’ erase

damn this was hard. what do you even say to a famous person?

hands shaking, you settle on a response and type it out before taking a deep breath and hitting send.

“you found me! totally not weird. and yeah i commented on chans room. today wasn’t the best but you made it so much better. thank you!” -2:38am

after you sent the message, you couldn’t stop yourself from reading it over and over, analyzing everything you said. you had decided it was a weird message and you shouldn’t have sent it. you were about to freak out when he responded.

“i’m glad you were the right person! i’m relieved ㅋㅋ” -2:45am

“i just wanted to check in with you. make sure you’re okay. if that’s okay.” -2:45am

you couldn’t believe this. he’s so sweet for checking on you. your heart swelled. you quickly typed out a response to him, knowing his time is valuable and probably limited at this moment.

“that’s so nice of you. i’m doing okay. i distracted myself with video games. haha.” -2:48am

“well i did until i fell asleep and had a nightmare.” -2:48am

“you had a nightmare? i’m sorry to hear that.” -2:50am

“i wish i could go live every time you needed me.” -2:50am

he is literally the sweetest human and you thought you may cry.

“you don’t have time for that. you’re so so busy. one hour with you earlier helped me so much, truly. you’ve already done so much.” -2:53am

“not if you’re having nightmares.” -2:55am

“that’s not your fault tho, chan.” -2:56am

“chan?” -2:57am

“sounds so formal. ㅋㅋ” -2:57am

“well.. that’s your name. so… haha” -2:58am

“i think i prefer channie. ㅋㅋ” -3:00am

“or you can just call me your boyfriend.” -3:00am

you squealed and giggled, kicking your feet under your covers. he did not just say that.

“maybe i should just call you chrizztopher.” -3:02am

“ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ” -3:03am

“that works too. ㅋㅋ” -3:03am

“i’m sorry, but i have to go now. busy busy.” 3:04am

your heart fell a little, but you know how busy he is and you got more time with him than most people, so you were happy.

“that’s okay! thank you for checking on me. it was very kind. ❤️” -3:06am

“oooh hearts. i like hearts. ❤️❤️❤️” -3:07am

“good night. and if you have another nightmare, message me. i’ll have my notifications on.” -3:07am

you had the thought that the world does not deserve bang chan. and what did you do to deserve him? you felt so lucky.

“thank you channie. don’t work too hard.” -3:08am

and then he was gone. off to record some music, or write some music, or take some pictures, or do an interview, you didn’t know. but you fell back asleep with a smile on your face and for the first time in a long time, you slept through the night.

to be added to the taglist for this series, just let me know.

🚨reminder: this blog is 18+ only. i’ve been getting a lot of new followers (which i greatly appreciate) but if there’s no age identifier on your blog, i’m blocking you no questions asked. (for my own sanity and peace of mind.) ik some people don’t actually go to my page to read the warnings, so im going to start attaching a warning at the bottom of all my posts. thanks for understanding. 💕

[frownyalfred]

If this too much or too personal please ignore!

But I was just wondering if you had any advice for grieving? (I lost a close family member very recently)

I'm so sorry for your loss, anon. I don't know your exact situation, but I hope your loved one's memory is a blessing to you and your family. I'll leave my thoughts below the break, since I'll discuss death and dying a little.

I am, as many people on here likely know, still grieving the loss of my father. It was sudden and unexpected. It was bloody and somewhat traumatic for our family. Thinking about it still leaves me dazed and unfocused.

Grieving is such a strange process. I've been talking about it with my therapist weekly, and her main takeaway has been that there is no right way to do it -- and that it is far from linear. There are positive moments and regressions. There are funny memories and difficult truths to grapple with. There is anger, confusion, sadness. Despair. So many unanswered questions and moments that hover on the edge of veneration simply because they are the only ones you have left.

How did I grieve? I cried a lot, at first. I took off work and sat shiva with my family. I answered a thousand well-meaning messages and played one singular song on repeat on my phone. I barely slept. I dreamed and dreamed and dreamed. I woke up crying without remembering exactly what I had been dreaming about.

Then, as if in reprieve, my brain let up. I slept somewhat normally again. My body was no longer on the edge of tears at any given moment, nor was I entirely numb. Slowly, I began to think of normal things again; new television shows, updating a chapter, irritation at the banal things like traffic and work.

And anon, I thought to myself, this must be it. I'm no longer "grieving," or at least not in the traditional sense of the word. I was eating, sleeping, going to the gym and work, updating my works and hitting the club again on the weekends.

But I wasn't done. And I'm not sure I ever will be. I wanted to be done, in so many ways. I was mad at my father for dying, for making me grieve, for keeping me in this state where I couldn't be confident in anything I was feeling, any progress I was making. Where I could remain silent and resolute at his burial, but sob like a baby in my apartment when the concert t-shirt he gave me was stained by some soup.

But that's a lot to put on the dead. And sometimes I have to keep reminding myself that -- that he is dead, that there is a gap in my life I keep trying to skip over, like avoiding tonguing at the aching tooth in the back of my mouth. And when I forget, the world is more than glad to remind me, whether through well-meaning neighbors, colleagues, etc etc.

I suppose that's a long way of saying, I think I'm still grieving anon. I'm not sure I'm doing the best at it, active or involuntary as this process seems to be. I have an amazing support network, but so much of this work seems to be solitary, even when someone is sitting right next to you, crying with you.

The Jewish saying "May their memory be a blessing" has been a good focal point for me, I think. It dovetails nicely with the Mandalorian saying "Not gone, merely marching far away." I've thought about both a lot in the last few months, because I'm a huge nerd and also because I don't think the cultures are too dissimilar.

Let your loved one's memory be a blessing in your life, anon. Remember the happy moments, and speak them out loud if you're able. Don't let their name remain sacred. Don't sanctify them, for we are all humans and humans are complicated, but don't leave their life behind you.

Those memories of them, those funny moments and sad days, fun trips and strange conflicts, those are all yours now. No one else has them. And when you and your family are gone, those memories are gone too.

Other small things that have made this whole process easier: Starbucks and DoorDash giftcards (seriously, some days are too hard), letting myself take time off hobbies (gym/writing) without penalizing myself, naming my grief and allowing myself to sit in it (I'm sad today about x, and I want to lie down for a few hours. I'm lying down because I'm feeling sad about x, and I'm allowed to feel that way). Going to the gym and running until the natural endorphins help. Talking with my families about good and complicated moments with my dad. Writing, when I'm able. Reminding myself it's okay to not be very functional, that it's okay to not be perfect and you would never expect someone who is grieving to be so. Talking to a therapist and getting treatment for what I experienced. Accepting the kind words of others, even if they hurt or are unintentionally difficult.

I'm sorry you're going through this anon. I know how you feel, or at least some of what you feel. I hope you have support and loved ones around you who can help shoulder some of this process.

<3 Jay

[professorhayforbreath]

so episode 5. all my thoughts

we picked up where the last one left off, good start

annabeth saying she knows percy isn't dead... how. to annabeth and grover there should have been no way percy was alive and finding out he was should've been so emotional but instead she was like dw i know he's not dead lol. it's kind of... lazy writing? like how are you gonna write a scene as gut wrenching as percy trapping himself with a monster and telling his friends to complete the quest without him because he's actively dying and has no reason to believe he'll survive, and then make the fallout of that so... nonchalant? idk if it's a time limit thing but that was so underwhelming to me

annabeth being the one to see the fates... no

fugitive percy enjoyers at least we won!!!!

the trio peeking over the road barrier at ares was cute goofy silly i liked that :)

gabe on the news shit talking percy i'm hooting and hollering!! "i really-- WE really loved that car" and "i'm gonna kill him". excellent. now put percy on the news fake crying about his "loving" stepfather i believe in you

i did want them to acknowledge annabeth's lack of experience with the world outside camp but having her say "i've never seen any kind of movie" has gotta be one of the weirdest ways they could've done that

the turnstile scene was cool i guess but as we go on i'm more and more conscious of how many episodes are left and how much plot there is to get through and idk i feel like this scene could've hit the cutting room floor and we wouldn't have lost anything

i do love the ambience of the park though. maybe i'm easy to impress because the aesthetic of an abandoned amusement park is just fantastic on its own but the set was very cool. wish it wasn't so dark so i could've actually seen it ❤️

percy and annabeth having a serious conversation with 'what is love' blaring in the background is sending me

first ever seaweed brain dropped! i liked the way they did it, it felt natural

actually back to the "i've never seen a movie" thing. you're telling me that in this version of the story, in which frederick chase was apparently a great dad who treated annabeth like a gift, he never took her to the movies? or she never watched one on tv? she had a whole seven years of life in the real world before going to camp and she's never seen a movie

annabeth isn't allowed to have fears she's too smart for that apparently

i think the scene with the chair was overall well executed with some great lines and fantastic acting but... idk. they really scrapped the original scene just to do what they already did last episode. i miss the spiders i miss hephaestus tv. it felt redundant to have percy sacrifice himself again. percy this is the second time today you've been like "no dw i'll just die" do you need to talk to someone

annabeth disillusionment arc complete already? calm down guys this is season one

ZOO TRUCK ZOO TRUCK ZOO TR

so it's confirmed the reason they go into the lotus casino is BECAUSE hermes is there :/ they said these literal children cannot fall for tricks and traps it's too unrealistic

not much to say about the grover and ares scenes bc i don't know what to make of them. i didn't mind them. ares had some funny lines. i guess my only complaint is that the grover i know would not have been so calm talking to the god of war. i'm curious to see where that cliffhanger leads

is it just me or did the pacing improve a little bit this episode?

despite how negative i sound i enjoyed episode 5 a lot more than episode 4. there are still so many weird changes, additions, and omissions though. honestly i think a big part of the reason i enjoyed this one is because i'm not expecting anything anymore. i'm not getting my hopes up about them adapting the book normally i'm just intrigued by this thing like a scientist observing an experiment. like hmm what are they doing now? fascinating *takes notes*

[darling-answers]

I BEG YOU Ana Amari with a injured reader, maybe she sick or dying of a illness idk just make it angst, I saw that talk about wanting more Ana Amari fanfic so idk I feel like letting people suffer and cry.

“ oh Gibraltar were had the time gone?”

This will be pre-fall I would like to say when Overwatch was still in best working order, just right after the omnic crisis

Warning! There may be inaccurate deceive of AML, I have done my best at researching the topic but doesn’t me my accuracy on knowing aml is good because I have never experienced before. Ana may be a little off topic because no matter what, you should always respect the choice of someone body. Death! Is implied and mention. this isn’t a happy ending. Blood! Is mentioned, noise and mouth bleeding Mentions, Oppression and violence. There also mention of symptoms of cancer effects with chemotherapy, chemotherapy is mentioned multiple times. Fainting is mentioned

Thank you for all who reads my stories and showed there support i appreciate it greatly

REQUEST ARE OPEN I WRITE FOR VENTURE TOO SO SEND THEM SOME LOVE.

The warning signs were there but you couldn’t expect it to get this bad? how could anyone know how bad it gotten when it just happened. Being a overwatch agent and putting civilians as your top priority before your own health problems wasn’t uncommon. It comes with you being a soldier and wanting to do what right. Sticking up for the weak even if it comes with your own life. So why must this situation be different.

The First warning sign happen when you were out on a mission to help civilians who may have been lost or trapped under the rubble, it was going according to plan, nothing seem out of the ordinary until the next thing you had known was blood was coming from your nostrils and mouth. Wiping it off on your sleeve painting it with fresh blood made it easy to forget about, it could happen to anyone so why must your situation be different, there still civilians need help, so pick yourself up soldier and help the others, You tell yourself over and over again.

Helping civilians get to safety and back to there family had made you smile, but the comfort of the ship that would be leading you back to your home and the people you call family is just a different feeling. When sitting down in your designated seat, Reinhardt was right infront of you, talking (yelling.) about how well his mission did, talking about the tiny children who he got to flex his arms to. Jack Morrison and Gabriel Reyes carried on their conversation about the on going crisis in the rest of the world, torbjorn talked about his family showing Reinhardt picture of his newly born daughter Brigitte but always the mother hen Ana had taken notice of the blood.

“ habibati, where did such blood come from? Had there been anyone seriously injured? On the catalog I did not seen any reports of very serious injuries?” She mumbles setting her sniper down, the way the sniper aim was up relaxing in the wall of the aircraft, safety was on and the eye of the pistol was up. She leans over to grab the coat of your overwatch outfit and taken a look of the sleeve.

“ I’m fine Ana, I promise, there is nothing to worry about just some blood no need to fuss.” She gave you a serious look Almost crinkling her brows. “ you tell me if anything is wrong. Alright? I want you to be alright.” She looks serious pointing a finger before she lets go from the topic when she felt satisfied.

The Second warning came when in training with Cassidy, you felt you’re whole body zap out of energy, the room was so dizzy and fussy, your brain felt slow and sluggish, you’re arms and legs felt like a ice about to melt into a puddle. Your body gave up and slammed itself to the ground. Waking up in the infirmary with Angela Ziegler talking about your body and health, noticing the way your body seems to be weaker than before. You lost incredible amount of weight which for a normal person would feel happy about it, the weight your body was dropping was to dangerous to not start trying to figure out what was wrong with you.

“ i thought you would’ve told me if something was wrong. The fact you tried hiding it makes me think it might be time i took over your position and put you’re mission on hold until i feel everything is better.” Ana mumbled kissing your forehead as she gently placed her hand on the top of your head.

Angela returned with a chart, writing your vitals and simple questions she have asked you such as, how long have these symptoms been going on, how severe have these conditions been. She clicked her pin shut as she looked up from her notes. “ if you don’t mind I would like to request and recommend we run a few test on you. I’m thinking running a Blood test on you, we will be analyzing it using a microscopic evaluation of the blood, or by using flow cytometry to try and figure. This will all be done if we get your consent so would you mind if we do this?” Angela tilt her head at the last part as she hears the exact words she needs to hear to start preparing for the blood samples.

After gathering the blood sample, she sends you and Ana on your way as she tells you the test results will need 2-3 weeks to be able to fully confirm the diagnosis. Ana made sure throughout the week to make sure that you would rest and not strain your already fragile condition. Every night Ana would lay in bed making sure her arms were around your body and start whispering stuff in Arabic. More symptoms started popping up which caused Ana to get worried even worse than before. Bruising would form out of nowhere not even you could remember how you got those bruises, night sweats became one of the worse causing the lack of sleep, hot flashes and the urge to not eat anything were evidence that something definitely wasn’t right.

“ Oh, how I know it hurts habibati, let’s try and get some rest.” She would mumbles as she made sure the bed only have loose sheets. The way you could barely hold down anything or even get out of bed made her concerns grow even worse. Sometimes you would wake up with her right besides you and other times you were alone in bed. Days and nights started to blur in your memory as you laid in bed, not being able to fully move or walk without assistance.

“ we have gotten the test results back and it might be best. If you sit down ana this is difficult for both of you.” Angela pulled up a chair and sat down in a chair crossing her legs as she looks over at Ana then comes back to you. “ after throughly examining the changes in you’re body we have confirm the diagnosis of you have a form of leukemia that is very hard to treat. It is called Acute myelogenous leukemia. It a common aggressive form of leukemia that affects your bone marrow and blood.”

The face of exhaustion from you and the horror of Ana Face was like no other, how long had it been since you see Ana so hopeless..? This isn’t what you wanted to see.

“ There is good news and bad news, we may be able to start treatment to help fight off the leukemia but with the illness being around the bone marrow most medicines may not be able to reach the place the leukemia is resting, it may be long and hard but you have some chance of survival if you would like to start that I can get it prepared.”

“ What are the chances of me surviving..? I don’t want to live my life in fear that this illness will come back, I don’t want the exhaustion and agonizing treatments, I don’t want to be stuck in a hospital wasting away the only time I get pure entertainment is if someone come visit me. Please Ana, i’m scared and I don’t want to leave you alone but I don’t want to deal with this heartache.” She clutched her wife hand as she leans over weakly giving a kiss to her wife forehead as she comes to rest her sweaty face on that of her wife.

“ I have seen a lot of people survive AML and I also scene some who not, a man in December survive the AML with a few rounds of chemo and some rehabilitation and now he living his life with a wife and few kids. I’ve also scene some people not wish to fight this agonizing battle. So why I might not suggest not taking treatments I will accept whatever you would like us to do.”

Angela Zeigler nodded her head towards you before looking at Ana, Ana somberly looked at the hands which were neatly folded in her. The struggle to make the choice or even express agreement or disagreement weigh ever on her shoulders. “ if you would not like to start chemo and pass away in your home with me and our family by your side I will respect your wishes. I’m so sorry you were even given these choices.” Ana closed her eyes and cried in her hands chocking out her answers as she leans to rest her head on your shoulder.

“ don’t cry Ana, this battle has been long and hard, I was given a purpose on earth and that was to protect the people around me, I made my choice and now I may be rest in the peace of the afterlife knowing I have saved lives. You have to be strong for Pharah and Overwatch.”

The weakly smiles that adores both you and Ana face made it way to accept the idea more easily. The decision to not go and do chemo was not selfish in the eyes of Ana, she knew of the effects of chemo, Nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, Hair loss, Skin dryness and rashes the effects almost seem limitless.

“ so if I’m to confirm You ( state your name.) are refusing to take chemotherapy, which may have help you live a few years longer. You understand the negative side effects that may come with this. You may also always come back to wanting to do chemotherapy but the more you wait the more will not be likely to have the cancer be eradicated.”

Ana looked over and nodded at you, “ I will accept whatever you say or think. Please speak what you need to.” Ana looked into your eyes. “ I accept to refusing treatment for chemotherapy and know the harms and risk that may come and the outcome.” The weakly sound of coughing finishing off the statement.

“ alright, I will notify strike commander to take you off of all mission briefs and when you are ready please notify whoever you would like about what the future is going forward.” Mercy nodded politely leaving you and Ana alone in the room. Ana looked over at you, brushing your cheekbone as the weak sound of raspy breath came in and out. “ Thank you for letting me have a choice, I wouldn’t do this if I wasn’t sure the outcome would be the same.”

Ana nodded to your words helping you settle in bed. She weakly clutches the clothing near her heart as she looks at you. She tried to take a deep breath as to not let the tears follow but it getting harder looking at your weak state. She started walking towards the door to give you room only to be stopped by the croak of a voice. “ Ana…” Ana turned around and looked at you walking over and kneeling down near your bed side.

“ I love you and Pharah so much.” You mumbles as Ana whisper some words of praise before getting up and leaving the room. Days become even more of a blur as your visited by most of Overwatch agents besides a few. Even Moira O’Deorain made her presence known as she commands great respect and recognition for how you saved lives and great combat skills.

The day came, one year and a day after you first got the symptoms of something wrong that you passed peacefully by your besides, laying beside you was Ana who was on your left. Pharah who birthday just came a few weeks ago making her 10 and one of your best friends who also supported you think through thin, Reinhardt. A day that would’ve been sad wasn’t sad, they knew you would of beat there ass if you found out they weren’t lighting up the party with some shots as you’re lowered into your casket. Your funeral which played one of your favorite songs, “Dreaming of you” by Selena Quintanilla was a mother and daughter dance for ana and pharah.

You were given a gravesite with the soldiers who had fallen in the war adored with flowers and so much love and care from military units all across the world. Some left Quarters, some left penny, dimes and nickels. You were known around the world and a statue as a memorial in your home town was placed to honor the dedication you had to fighting for what right and standing up for communities who may have been oppressed.

As time gone on and the state of Overwatch went into shambles Winston recalled woke up a different side in Overwatch agents, instead of doing stuff how Jack Morrison would do, the Overwatch hero’s knew who to look up to in the end.

Pharah looking up into the sky hoping that maybe she would see you there looking down and protecting her.

[rubydubydoo122]

Jason gets de-aged because I've seen fics of Tim or Dick being de-aged, and Bruce losing his memory, but no one has realized the potential for angst if you de-age Jason.

When Jason woke up to the familiar ceiling of the batcave, feeling… whole. 

He remembered everything. 

He remembered dying, crawling out of his grave, and jumping out of the Lazarus Pit. He remembered the moment Talia showed him pictures of Tim as Robin, he remembered planting the bomb under the Batmobile. He remembered every single thing that happened in the past five years. 

And he remembered things from before. Things he had forgotten due to the blunt force head trauma. He had forgotten about the nights they would spend in the library after Jason had a nightmare. He had forgotten about the moments he had with Dick where they would team up against Bruce, like real brothers. He had forgotten about most of the good moments he had while living at the manor. At his home. And they were really good memories. 

He didn’t know whether to cry in relief or guilt or mourning, because that was just another thing to add to the list of things that the Joker took away from him. The memories of all the good things. 

He covered his face with his arm and he could tell by the size and weight of it that he was back to normal. 

Back to being the Red Hood. The real lone-wolf vigilante in Gotham because he had burned bridges with anyone who had cared about him. What a fucking asshole. 

“Jay, Lad, you’re awake.” He heard the squeak of the chair that they kept in the medbay, “How are you feeling?”

He didn’t lift his arm up to look at Bruce. Fuck, Jason had collapsed in front of his grave. He probably given Bruce an aneurysm. A week ago, he would’ve laughed, but now… he just felt guilty. “I'm sorry.” He meant that for a million different things. He’s sorry for trying to kill half of the family. He’s sorry for digging up Bruce’s trauma. He’s sorry for believing that Bruce didn’t love him. 

“Jason, I’m sorry—“

“Bruce. I know we have a lot to talk about, but can you give me, like… a couple minutes to sort out my brain?”

The chair squeaked again, but Bruce didn’t say anything. 

Jason sat up to look at Bruce, who was sitting in the chair, stunned. “Sorry, I just thought you would be… more upset.”

“I am upset.” Because even though he was lost in a tornado of emotions he could tell that upset was one of the major fronts. 

“I didn’t mean to make it seem like I cared about the younger version of you more than—“

“That’s not why I’m upset.” Maybe a week ago, but not really right now. “I’m more upset that all of you made the collective decision to keep my death from me.” He paused looking for the right words, “I— younger me really thought I made it. I thought I got to perform in the school musical, open acceptance letters, I thought I got to walk across the stage and move into a dorm.” He felt his eyes burn in shame as he looked down at his hands. The hands that were once stained in Tim’s blood. The hands that once held a gun aimed at Damian, “I thought I would’ve been a good older brother, and you all just let me believe that. And I get it,” he looked back up at the stalactites hanging from the ceiling, “telling 15 year old me that, despite everything, I still didn’t make it, it would’ve been hard, but it was worse to realize that I never really got those things.” He took a deep breath, “I’m not angry at you. Not anymore. And there’s more we need to talk about, but I think I’m going to need to sleep on some things before we do.”

Jason looked back at Bruce, and he doesn’t think he’s ever seen Bruce this… vulnerable. “Yes. Ok. Yeah, take as much time as you need.” But Bruce took Jason’s hands in his, “Just- know that I’m proud of you. For all that you’ve been through, and all that you’ve overcome, you still have a good heart. You have always had a good heart.”

“I love you, Dad. And I see now how much you love me too.”

Jason found Dick in his room. He doesn’t know what possessed him to come to Dick first— he was planning on sitting in the library, bawling his eyes out, and then talk with Bruce about whatever he wanted to talk about. Yet here he was, standing in Dicks doorway, feeling like he was 13 again, wondering if Dicks “I’m always here to talk if you need to,” was real. 

Turns out, everyone in the manor, besides Bruce and Alfred, were already there. 

They were all curled up in some way against Dick. Damian under his right arm, Tim under his left. Cass was curled around Tim, but had her head resting on Dicks shoulder, and Duke was laying perpendicularly across Dicks legs, though he was clutching Zitka tightly in his arms. 

There was also part of him that felt kind of left out. Realizing how close everyone was except for him. And he knew that was his fault. He had burned the bridges before he could even try to cross them. Now all he could do was gaze at the city from across the river. 

No. 

He’s been building a new bridge. Getting closer and closer to the city. To this family. He wouldn’t mess it up again. Because the 12 year old kid who jacked the Batmobiles tires deserved a home. The 13 year old kid who had been in the middle of a custody tug of war deserved a family. The 15 year old who ran away from home desperate to find a mother deserves love. 

“Jason!” Dick shot up, effectively ruining the cuddle pile, and drawing attention to him lurking at the doorway. Though, he wouldn’t be surprised if Cass already knew he was there. 

There was a collective look of relief throughout the group, even from Damian. Of all people. 

He shoved the knot that was in his stomach down and opted for a laugh, “I have fought valiantly, and I have reclaimed puberty from the wicked witch of the west.”

He was almost knocked over by everyone coming in for a group hug. 

“You little lying bastard.” He felt Duke's hand swat the back of his head, “man, it took us a whole hour to figure out that none of us knew where you were. Dick was about to kick down your door when Bruce came up with the key.”

Of all the old memories that Jason had gotten back, Bruce had never intruded on Jason’s space without him wanting to. He didn’t even think he had a key. So why…

“And then, Bruce brought you back unconscious. We thought you were gonna die again, but then you magically poofed back into your giant ass self, and—“

“Breathe!” Because he knew Tim would keep rambling, “and I just woke up, give me a minute.” Because he was expecting just Dick to be in his room. Not everyone. And as much as he cares for the whole entourage, he doesn’t think he has the energy to.. stay strong for them. He just wanted his big brother. Dick was his big brother first. 

And thank god for Cass’s people reading skills, because she cupped Jason’s cheek and offered him a small smile, “Might be big again, but you’re our little brother.” She glanced to Dick, and then guided Tim, Duke and Damian out of the room, closing the door behind her. 

Jason suddenly felt like he was still 15. Like he hadn’t been changed back. Like he was transported back in time to before everything had become so messy. 

Dick studied his face,  “What’s wrong?” He patted the space next to him on his bed. Just like that time Jason had gone to Titans Tower after Bruce had said he wasn’t Jason’s father. 

He sat down next to Dick, and then scooted down, so that he could comfortably rest his head on his chest. He could feel his face twitch, holding back the knot in his stomach that had risen into his throat. 

How could he have forgotten how much Dick cared? Maybe he wasn’t around that much, but he cared . He cared so much . 

He felt his expression crumple and fall. How could he have forgotten how much Dick tried?

Dick rubbed little circles into his back, as Jason muffled his sons into his shirt. Just like he had done when Jason wasn’t able to help Gloria Stanson. A couple nights before he left for space. He didn’t ask, or push, just waited. 

“I- I remember everything . I used to only be able to remember the bad. Now I remember…all the good too.” He stared at the tree outside of the window they used to climb together, “I remember now that even though you weren’t here often, you were a good brother. You were a really good brother. And I feel like shit for thinking you’ve always hated me, because—“

“Jason, can I be honest with you?” Dick dabbed at the tears that had fallen from Jason’s face. “I kind of assumed. When you wouldn’t get an inside joke, or when I would bring up something, and you would just stare blankly. I never felt offended when you didn't know, just upset with myself that I didn’t make more time, because maybe then certain memories would stick.” He traced the scar on Jason’s temple, “and I think a lot about how you were the one who reminded me how to love freely.” 

Jason looked up to make eye contact with Dick, “I was wondering how you went from angry at Bruce and the world to adopting the kids Bruce adopted.”

Dick chuckled, “I passed the angry child mantle down to you too. It comes with the post-Robin era.” He continued to trace the scar, “but seriously. Bruce having the emotional competency of a turnip while I was growing up really affected the way I connected with people. Then you came along, this kid, who despite having nothing but the clothes on his back, still loved with his whole heart. You were a lot like my parents in that sense. You turned Robin into a legacy, and I couldn’t think of a better person to have done that.” 

Jason turned away, “Fuck you. You’re making me cry.” They stayed like that in silence for a bit. “I, uh, found my old phone. And I listened to a bunch of the voicemails.”

He felt Dick tense up for a moment, “Oh?”

“You were Batman? Like I knew you were Batman with Damian, but I didn’t realize you were also Batman with Tim.”

He felt Dick relax under him, “That was not the direction I expected you to take.”

“I’m prioritizing.”

“Yeah, I was. It was only for a couple months, but I hated every moment of it then. Alfred was in England, and Bruce was training to get his strength up. I guess the good part was Tim. That was when we really got close. I think that was when I actually started to see him as my little brother.” Dick paused, “Though, if you’re bringing this up as a Segway to why make Damian Robin if you and Tim already had the Batman/Robin thing in the past, I did it because I saw Tim as an equal when it came to vigilantism. The Batman and Robin dynamic wouldn’t work with us.”

“Yeah… that makes sense.” Jason paused, “you killed the Joker?”

“Yeah.” Dick rested his head on top of Jason’s, “and just so you know, Bruce also came close right after he killed you. Close to the point where Clark had to stop him.”

“I never really wanted Bruce to kill the Joker. I just wanted him to prove he cared. If he had given me a hug, I probably would’ve stopped everything. I gotta tell him that.” He sat up, “Bro, Bruce said he was proud of me. I think he’s still following that mission to keep me happy.”

Dick snorted, “How do you know about that?”

“I snooped.” He shrugged and put his head back on Dicks chest, “I think we should make one for how Bruce should take care of all of us. And then make one for Tim to eat three meals a day and get at least five hours of sleep per day.” 

“But, seriously, we probably do.” He felt Dick start to fiddle with one of the bat charms in his hair as they fell back into silence. “Talia?”

Jason didn’t say anything. 

“You don’t have to tell me anything that you don’t want to, but I’m here if you want to talk about it.” Dick let out a breath, “You… listened to the voicemails, you know I… I won’t judge.”

Jason nodded and reached out to stroke Zitkas trunk, “I know I’m your… little brother, but you can talk to me too if you want to. It won’t change how I see you.”

Dick moved Zitka so she was closer to both of them, “yeah I know.”

Jason sighed, “I… I didn’t know how old I was until your birthday back in March. I simultaneously felt too old but too young. For everything.” 

“Yeah. Yeah. I get that.”

There was a long stretch of silence. It was the first time in a while that both of them had a heart to heart. It was the first time in a long time since they had an understanding between each other. 

“Is it bad? That I still see her as a mother?”

“Sheila?”

“Well, yeah, I guess,” because even after the betrayal, he still knew she did it because she didn’t really have any other choice, “but I was talking about Talia.”

“Oh.” He heard Dicks jaw click. 

“So yeah?”

“No, it's not that.” Dick gave it some thought. Choosing his words carefully, “I mean, she took care of you when no one else did, so it makes sense, but…every adult figure in your life has let you down in some way, and you deserve so much better than that.”

Jason thought about it for a minute. His papi had turned to a life of crime, his mami fell victim to heroin. Sheila had chosen her own life and reputation over Jason, and Talia kinda just… took Jason in to score points with Bruce.

Bruce… Bruce could never fully be his dad. Not anymore. Not with all the bad blood. Not when Batman would always be more important. “It’s, uh, I guess it’s too late now, but I’ll never regret the three years I spent calling this manor my home. They were probably the best years of my life.” He pressed at a vein on Dicks hand. “Alfred and Bruce were good for me, though. They just… didn’t expect me to come back, which is understandable, but that was when I needed them the most.” He pulled Zitka in close, “Sometimes, I wonder what things would’ve been like if Bruce had found me instead of Talia.”

“I wonder that all the time too.” Dick continued to rub circles into Jason’s back, “You know, you’ll always be my little brother. My first little sibling. No matter how far apart we grow from each other, or if you annoy the shit out of me, You’ll always have a home in my heart. I promise.”

Jason stayed quiet while he basked in the comfort of his older brother for a while. Soaking in the feeling, making up for the years lost without it. “I love you too.”

After Jason was done talking to Dick he went straight to the kitchen. For one, he was hungry, because magic sucks, and he also felt the need to do something. Specifically, bake a strawberry cake. Because of course he had forgotten about his tradition with Alfred. Even during his past Birthday he had spent in Gotham, he didn’t— he didn’t even celebrate at all. He remembered it was his birthday, he just didn’t know how many candles to put on the cake. 

Jason just wanted to do this with Alfred. Like old times. Of course, Alfred was still out getting the groceries, and it felt like he’d been out for years, but nonetheless, he was a grown man allowed in the kitchen. So he started getting out the ingredients for the cake. 

Except they did not have any strawberries. Which put a real stickler in Jason’s plan because the fresh strawberries were the best part. They added a burst of tartness with each bit and balanced out the sweetness of the buttercream. 

Just then Alfred came through the kitchen with a brown paper bag. He looked from Jason to the countertop that had a neat array of ingredients and then back to Jason with a smile. Alfred set down the bag and reached into it. “I suppose we had the same idea, my boy.” He pulled out two boxes of the fancy strawberries he always got. “You’re going to have to double the recipe.” Alfred pulled out two more boxes. 

“Alright, Alfred.” Jason smiled back, and exchanged the bowl he’d originally taken out for a bigger one. Even though Alfred was working on dinner and Jason was working on the cake, they fell back into their old rhythm. 

One by one his siblings started filing in. First Cass, who nabbed a strawberry. Then Damian, who Jason may or may not have discretely gotten flour on his face, making him look absolutely adorable. And while Jason was pouring the batter into the pan Duke, Tim, walked in, so he had given them the bowl and spoon to clean off. 

He got started on the buttercream, slowly adding the strawberry compote that he’d made before he’d made the batter, when a finger made its way into the bowl, and then swiped his nose. 

He swatted at Dick when he tried to get another dollop to taste, “Nope. Nuh uh. Getchur fingers away from my buttercream.”

“Come on! Duke and Tim got to lick the batter!”

“And I was going to give this spatula to you, but if you're being impatient, it’s going to Cass.” 

Dick huffed and rounded the counter, sitting on the chair next to Cass. 

Tim and Damian were bickering, and Duke was adding comments that seemed to be egging on both sides. The subtle agent of chaos. 

Jason took the cake out of the oven and put it on a rack to cool. He made his way back to Alfred, who had just put the stove on simmer, and held his hand, “Thank you, Alfred.” 

“Whatever for, my boy?”

Jason observed everyone in the room. Cass ruffling Tim’s hair, and Duke finally cracking. Dick wiping the flour off of Damian’s face while he huffed about not tolerating this childish behavior. Bruce leaning against the doorframe to the kitchen with a fond smile on his face. “Wishing for this. For Bruce to have people to live for. For wishing for me back.”

Alfred smiled and looked at Jason, “I always assumed it was you who made it happen. Using your magic to put everyone in a place to meet eventually before coming back to us yourself. And I am so so grateful that you did.”

And Jason knew Alfred meant it. Because it was Alfred. It was Alfred who loved them all so much that they were all just as much his kids as they were Bruce’s. Bruce might’ve built this family, but Alfred held it steady. 

Jason rested his head on Alfred’s shoulder. “You mean so much to me, Alfred.”

Alfred brought a hand up to cup Jason’s cheek, “However much I mean to you, I can assure you, you mean infinitely more to me.”

And Jason knew that. He picked his head up to look at Alfred, and gave him a smirk, “Does this mean I’m your favorite?”

Alfred raised his eyebrows, “I care for you all equally.”

Jason could feel himself grin from ear to ear, because yup. He was definitely Alfred’s favorite, “Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone.” 

He went back over to the cake and started frosting it, casting another look at everyone in the room. He made eye contact with Bruce and offered him a smile, and he returned it. 

If someone had asked Jason a week ago if he considered these people his family he probably would have shot them in the face. He’d been so afraid his entire life that the home he’d founded would never be permanent. He had thought in the past five years he had lost the love he had gained. He thought it had all died along with him. Except it hadn’t. It had grown so much bigger and was waiting to engulf him back into the fold. Jason was finally ready to walk back into it.

The door opened, and Stephanie Brown slid across the wood and used Bruce to stop her momentum, “Guess who’s ready to collect blackmail consisting of Sunshine–” She paused and caught sight of him, “Jason! You’re a giant again.” She huffed, “I was going to convince little you that I was your favorite.”

“Blondie, you scared little me.” He held up the piping bag with the strawberry compote, “Quick, what should I write on the cake.”

Steph walked over and punched his shoulder, “ I lived, Bitches! All caps. ‘X’s to dot the ‘I’s.”

“You do know your don’t dot capital ‘I’s right?” Jason looked over to Alfred for permission.

“Well, Master Jason, You did live. Let the bitches know.”

The whole room erupted into howls of laughter, as Jason grinned and piped the words onto the cake, “Hell yeah, I lived Bitches.”

[wildymoon]

if I hadn't slept at 4am last night and played for 8h today I would do more, here is my recap

(act 2-3 spoilers)

I GOT THE FUCKING LEVELS BUT THE ACHIEVEMENT DIDN'T PROC

on the bright side because Siffrin's at max I get to obliterate everything in sight and that makes fighting funnier

OVER 1000 ERASED SADNESSES. I AM GOD /silly

obliterated the King very easily (forgot I had the bomb too but shhh)

and flames and flood that glitch effect. oh by the stars above. oh wow. YES. but also that was spooky despite me having been spoiled for that

the fact that the smell of burnt sugar was so prominent and yet Siffrin hasn't commented at all on the nostalgie (AND THE TEARS???) smelling sweet is driving me up the wall

adhd moment everything gets a speedrun

ghost jumpscare is very fun, I read through the achievements but seeing one still gives me the urge to just go "WHAT THE FUCK."

Bonbon. is going to make me cry. help they're so cute and they just wanna help and not see their found family get hurt and then shrug it off forever, Siffrin-

this image. by the skies. look at them.

I do not normally actually laugh out loud at my computer when not on voice call. "we have one of those at home" in Mirabelle's hangout got a big laugh out of me. Well played, game <3

poor Odile went on a wile-d goose chase (this pun was a stretch but I Had To)

impatience moment from me but it's easier to manage than the sugar thing

Isabeau trans moment??

this and Mirabelle's hangout make me really want to stream this game to a friend of mine. they may end up crying tho.

urge to murderhobo. but scared. ask multiple sources and places whether it's a loopending thing if I go feral. get no answer. chicken out because the anxiety always wins in this scenario because FAMILY ON THE LINE. this is probably in character tbh

otherwise vibe through loop as normal

temptation. to pineapple. cause completionist and "what does the button do". but I don't wanna upset them. and I'm scared. hhhhhhhhhh

WHAT THE FUCK?

CHANGE GOD??????

change god is an uwu I'm going to explode (it's hilarious but I am lowkey dying here)

ring ring ring ring ring, banana fone!!!!

oh

oh god oh fuck

....

you BITCH /lh

the final snacktime of this run nearly killed me I don't usually cry but this nearly made me tear up. found family really do get me

giving the King a flower may not have been the Smartest idea, but for some ungodly reason it's giving me Hollow Knight vibes and that makes it worth the confusion

I know this isn't the end but new dialogue!!!

ISABEAU YOU CHICKEN. PLEASE. I am too soft to call you a useless gay even in jest but COME ON MAN

welp here we go again

poor Siffrin

uh

oh

FUCK

GUYS????????

I stopped after the loop ended but it feels like a cliffhanger.

MAN. MY BRAIN. I wanna keep going but it's been 8h and now that I have the memory of family there is literally nothing keeping me from going for OP 2 Electric Boogaloo when I get back to playing. and I don't wanna stay up until 4am again.

I don't have to chain fam runs in order to get You Are Loved, right? I mean I probably will but I'm tempted to make Odile suspicious of me and that might fudge it a bit.

[simplyclary]

Alex and Henry in Another Universe

(Edit by yours truly)

*Alexa, play Jump Then Fall and I Knew You Were Trouble by Taylor Swift*

This is more of a rave review for a story that I literally just finished hours ago and I could not get it out of my brain and it might take me weeks to recover from the insane story I just read.

The fic is an AU with the title 'I Knew You Were Trouble When You Walked In" and it was written by the lovely writer @doeyedgirlyevil (send this writer some love over on Ao3 or on Twitter/X). This is an AU where Alex is Henry's equerry.

Let me now rave about this gem of a story....

OH MY HEAVENS, is it possible to rate a fic infinity stars out of 5 because if it possible, I would rate this fic like that. Like everything about it was utter perfection. This is one of the best RWRB AUs that I have ever read. I swooned, I cried, I gasped, I laughed, I got frustrated, you basically made me feel every emotion possible.

I wanna say that by my standards (which are not very high to begin with), you can already publish like an actual book because the way you wrote this fic is just amazing and the storyline is top-notch! I adore your writing so much!

The storyline, OH MY GOSH, it was just amazing. If this were an actual book, I would buy it. I love the storyline so much. Reminded me a lot of one of my favorite books "Twisted Games" by Ana Huang. It's a romance story between a princess and her bodyguard and this fic reminded me of that but will an Alex and Henry spin to it which is lovely all the same.

Equerry Alex was emanating so much alpha male energy and I normally do not like alpha male characters but in this universe, dang, I was living for it. I'M ON MY KNEES FOR EQUERRY ALEX! Like reading Alex's dialogue with Taylor's voice in my mind and him sounding commanding and possessive just made me transcend into another world. Like I'M DOWN BAD!!

Another thing, the teasing, the pining, the smut, PERFECTION!! I love everything about the way the teasing and the smut scenes were written. I was screaming, crying, kicking my feet every time Alex would tease Henry when they make out.

For me, you are in the same level as Sarah J. Maas (ACOTAR series) and Ana Huang (Twisted Series) when it comes to smut because the words in the spicy scenes in your story, I have only read them in the ACOTAR and Twisted series. The dialogues like "Make that noise again, sweetheart?" or "How are you going to kill me, beautiful? Looks to me you're the one dying for it." had my insides turning and butterflies fluttering.

To add, the pet names!! I'm so down for the pet names. Every "Baby", "Princess", "Sweetheart", "Love" made me tingle inside. Like I was swooning so hard.

Also, you may have unlocked a new fetish (is that what it's called, I don't know) from me because every time Alex nips on Henry's ear or kisses his neck, I have a visceral reaction as if a vampire was biting me in the neck and I'm loving it. Never in my life have I experienced having such a reaction so this is new to me.

I also loved how you incorporate some lines from the original book to your story. I jumped and smiled every time I saw a line from the book in your story.

Clearly, I had an amazing time reading your fic and I might go back to it and download it in order to highlight and annotate some of my favorite quotes to revisit in the future because how can I not revisit such amazing dialogue and lines and scenes.

I could rave about you and your writing all day long if I can. I just wanna say a big thank you for writing this amazing story. I'm willing to read any of your upcoming RWRB related works.

Sending you a big hug and lots of love from my heart to yours.

P.S: you just made me imagine Taylor as a vampire or a commanding alpha male character and I'm all here for it! I WANT IT!

To those who haven't read this gem of a fic and you're in the RWRB fandom, here's the link to the infamous equerry fic.

[larsisfrommars]

The Night of The Murderous Spring Is So JUICY!

I think I need to talk about how insanely gay this episode of Wild Wild West is or I might EXPLODE. I know a lot of us who already watch the show knew this episode was ridiculous in the gay subtext department but I feel compelled to go in-depth about putting it into words.

Let’s not even dig into the fact that before drugging Jim Dr. Loveless proudly proclaims that he will make James West “kill the thing he loves” and was referring to Artemus when he said that! That’s already wild enough as it is.

For me like, through a shipping/gay subtext lense, I could already tell Artie was into Jim. There is a mountain of evidence to interpret their relationship that way at least on Gordon’s end. For West it was a little more sparse until and especially THIS episode. Which confirmed for me as relatively new to this show and fandom “ohhhh!! He really DOES reciprocate whatever ambiguously gay mess is happening here!”

The version of Artemus that Jim subconsciously conjures up for himself is so interesting. And of course, it appears to him when he’s in desperate need of comfort, of a rock to cling to, but can find none. So his hallucinating brain projects what he NEEDS most, not some lovely young lady (familiar or otherwise) to tell him everything is alright, but Artemus to take care of him. He WANTS to be taken care of and comforted by Artemus and no one else. I’m not crying YOU are crying!

His version of Artemus is pretty close to the real deal but there’s something… softer about this projected version. He’s not completely different, I wouldn’t even say out-of-character. But he is gentler, more patient and forgiving, and very much there to play guardian angel for Jim. All of his positive traits are exaggerated in Jim’s eyes, like hes always seeing the guy through rose colored glasses.

I say this because part of why I got a bit suspicious of this version of Artie was him being way too calm and forgiving when Jim starts being aggressive towards him due to the drug. Yeah Artie loves Jim but like, he’s got his own sense of self-preservation, intelligence, and a bit of a temper. I was expecting a joke or some sternness or something, hell maybe taking Jim’s gun from him. But of course he doesn’t and he can’t, because he’s not real and he’s there to comfort. Jim can’t be thrown off the course that’ll lead him to killing Artie by his hallucination’s own intervention. He’s himself but oh so slightly off.

Another thing was something that “Artie” said that didn’t actually make a lot of sense compared to the rest of established canon when Jim first starts getting temperamental. “Hey it’s me remember? Artemus Gordon? Mrs. Gordon’s son.” Now I know there’s probably some throwaway Doylist explanation for this, but the Watsonian in me prevails.

Artie never brings up either of his parents before this or ever again to my knowledge. Jim only mentions family once in a previous Dr. Loveless episode. It’s the kind of thing you’d say to someone where you’d known each other your whole lives, implying Jim would somehow know his mother. Now unless I’m mistaken they met each other in the military as adults. Which means Jim’s subconscious emotions have made him feel as though Artie’s known him his whole life. Which is some soulmate sounding mess if I ever heard it.

Then there is the crescendo of this madness where Jim shoots the illusionary Artemus in cold blood. Which is easily some of the most heartbreaking acting in the series. I have watched it a normal amount of times (lying)!! Dying “Artie” looks confused and betrayed but he STILL reaches out to Jim like he like wants Jim to know that it’s okay?! OUCH. Then of course there’s the little “why?” before he dies that pushes Jim over the edge.

Jim completely flies off the handle after Artemus’s apparent death. Careening through the street, threatening the hotel staff, trying to get himself arrested for murdering Artie. I don’t know whether it was a side effect of how much hallucinogen he ingested or what. He straight up faints like some tragic Victorian protagonist after returning to his room, overwhelmed by the evil that he has seemingly done.

When he comes back around he is not at all acting like the Jim we know and love. It’s almost like he wants Loveless to kill him with the way he goads the guy. He’s despondent and jaded and being reckless with his own life. He only snaps back to normal when he discovers Artie is in fact alive and well. Which is such a beautifully loaded reunion. He responds to Jim’s unusual tenderness with a sassy joke (which is of course how we know this one is real). It feels very akin to the Kirk and Spock reunion at the end of Amok Time.

I also think it’s worth noting that I think the first time I ever heard James West utter the words “Artie! Help me!” when he’s trying to prevent the ducks carrying the murder-LSD from being released (this episode is NUTS). Which you know in light of the events of this episode is a big step in Jim being a bit more vulnerable as a character. So there is THAT too.

Hey, and maybe it’s just me, but whether it was deliberate or not, something changed about the whole tone of the show after this particular episode. It felt like the showrunners were slowly having it dawn on them the show is at its strongest when it plays off of the bond shared by these two characters. This episode along a few other gems from season one seem to have clinched it. I noticed in season two so far they’re using Artie and Jim’s relationship as a support beam where it was more of a flexible suggestion before. Which has ✨implications✨ whether you interpret the relationship as gay or not. The events of this episode cracked Jim West’s very hard shell, and made these two characters closer than before.

[lilly-chou-chou]

Your 20's the adult "teenage" years:-

Greetings, as of today in few hours a new year will begin and 2024 the year of dragon 🐉will start, before a new year begins I had few things in my mind that I'd like to talk about.

I have been in my 20's for quiet a while now and I always see huge rave about when you turn 25 a switch in your brain flicks and you see everything differently because 25 is the age when you fully develop your brain... But why does no one talk about the stages that lead up to you being 25?

When I turned 20 life felt so breezy and laid back, I was ready for a new journey and everything seemed so pretty but 21 felt so unhinged, obsolete and scarring plus years after that weren't so pretty either.

I don't know what is wrong with me. I can be having the most normal and fun time but then all of sudden I feel like crying and my heart feels so heavy it might just spill out of my chest... I was hanging out with friends in my early 20's it was one of the most fun I ever had but as soon as I got home, I collapsed on the floor and started crying. I didn't know why I was crying or what happened but I just sat there and cried, I had such good friend circle and great family yet why was I crying? Why was I not happy? I felt so weird but tears wouldn't stop at all. That day I still remember I curled up in my bed and slept with a headache that came with crying a lot.

I fear so many things and one of them is never being able to do things ALL the things I love. I have always had a great and long list of occupations I wanted ro do before I die, I always knew want I wanted and how I wanted my life to be and when moving to another country was not in the option I cried and gave up, during that part of my 20's I never listened to encourage words because it felt like nothing could compare with my dreams, I was told I can still study in any European country but it wasn't about different country, it was about how for the first time in my life I had such a huge set back. My eyes we're locked in this one particular country and when I failed to make it there I lost hope. I didn't eat for days, I cried for 5 months straight, I never received sunlight so I had to live off of vitamin D supplements, my hair was falling down due to stress and no vitamin D, I broke ties with all of my friends and relatives, I only talked to my parents. I had no voice I was an insecure pathetic girl.

I always longed to be perfect, I think I might be slowly dying of having a blue heavy heart, I want to be the best but I also want to be unpolished and messy.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year 2024, year of the dragon 🐉 please Chang E bless us with your infinite hope <3 💕✨ om mane pame om.

[aroace-poly-show]

hi more me guessing hw songs.

i learned the lyrics to Snowman by halyosy (lyrics) and now can't stop thinking of it as a potential hw song- not as a song they would cover, but as a song their virtual singer would sing to them (kaito to tsukasa specifically). i don't think you've ever shared virtual singer lore so im making it up drawing influence from the feelings of both the nightcord and wxs virtual singers

""I told a lie to my mom", a boy began to cry. I am made to be all white so that I can take away the darkness in his heart". -> n25s miku's whole thing is to be there for mafuyu and help ease the pain in her heart. i'd guess the virtual singers of hw would have a similar motivation. (also, the lie in question was that the boy had friends and was talented at school and sports, so that his dying mother didn't worry about him. if this isn't tsukasa at its core.)

"I tried to warm your cold smile, but I can't make a smile with my artificial eyes" -> but the vs aren't actually real (i dont want to think about the implications of sekai so i will leave it there), so what can they do other than provide support? provide a word here or there, a wish of healing? but also- the wishes of the virtual singers have to come from somewhere, right? is this not also the wish of hw- "i want you to be happy, even if i am not yet myself"?

"Neon tubes and monochrome snow" -> i actually don't really know what this line means in the actual song but here- the neon lights of the theater, the colorful world of the stage, and the cold, grey feelings freezing them in place?

"I'll tell you how to do it, I believe you can do it, Soft snow covers our tracks" -> this again as the wish of the virtual singers- i can't change for you, but i can offer advice and push you forward because i know you can (oh also spitball other point- kaito's line in his 1.5 anni card- "when faced with a wall, i don't want to push them up over from the bottom. I want to climb it myself and pull them up with me, so that we can see the other side together"). i had a connection to the soft snow covering our tracks part but i don't know how to say it in words. but in colors it's a soft orange. which i know doesn't make any sense.

"You ran with your friends" -> emu nene rui do i need to say more here. (yes because it never gets old. because of the pain, of the things that tore them down, of the steps they took back up, they found their dreams friends family).

"He will be alright now, 'cause there's no winter that isn't followed by spring" -> yes

also raising the point of snow imagery- it alrealy exists in normal n25- mafuyu did chose the name "yuki". and i think there was an event about it. i think that theme also works in hw. but instead of the damp, blue sort of snowfall that feels cold and hollow, it's the warmer, sparkly snow of dawn. it's the snow that was lonely in the night, but beings to feel less so when the light first begins to break.

AADHWJJDNWKDNWKDUSQJOSHISKWUQNDOBWNSNSJ acey are you in my fucking brain. aroace wxs fanatics really do share a brain cell because HELLO??????/silly

i haven’t said shit about the virtual singers yet but ohmygod your guess is so fucking on point. awawawa. this is so fucking hw core and like it fits so so fucking well into the current thoughts i have for both tsukasa and the main story guhhhh explodes explodes explodes

firstly, might as well do a tiny bit of explanation for hw virtual singers. they both have the same overall personalities as canon wxs, kaito being the responsible older brother figure (representing what tsukasa wants to be like yknow) and miku being very childish and all (i. forget her symbolism w tsukasa. whoops). also given that the sekai and they were created from tsukasa’s feelings, they are well aware that tsukasa isn’t quite okay. even if he isn’t entirely aware of it himself. yknow how he is. anyway. you’re very right about hw virtual singers. their goal is both to ease their pain but also to like. revive the bit of hope they all had, and help them not lose it again. given it’s an online theater group, they of course want to help them do shows and find joy in doing again, because despite it hurting them so badly they still hold so much love for shows and the vs want to help them with it, but more than anything they want them all to find joy in living again. like they’ve all been hurt and vs is there to ease that pain and help them find joy and hope despite being given so much shit and having been hurt. yknow. and i don’t have much to add aside from that cause like. you got them so well. my god

"You ran with your friends" throwing UP. i hate these clowns and their stupid loving friendship and love and care they have for each other because who else understood them like they did each other who else did they have aside from each other because who else will drag them back up and cling to hope with them like they do for each other. they’re so. sobs.

"He will be alright now, 'cause there's no winter that isn't followed by spring" YES. YES INDEED. they’re all gonna be okay. they’re gonna be okay. cries.

tsukasa side note:

""I told a lie to my mom", a boy began to cry. I am made to be all white so that I can take away the darkness in his heart" -> also like you said TBIS IS TSUKASA AT HIS CORE and he’s exactly the same in hw. he wants to be that big brother his siblings can look up to he wants to make them proud and he especially doesn’t want to worry anyone Ever and saki and toya know something might be wrong but he won’t tell her (but to be fair. he hasn’t exactly admitted it to himself either) bc he’s tsukasa tenma!! he’s okay!!! he has to be okay!! he’s going to be a star!! and what kind of star would let a lot a few setbacks get him down!! so there’s no need for anyone to worry!! cause he’s a-okay!! (<- lying. to himself as well.) honestly at this rate i’m not even gonna need to do the tsukasa ramble since i’m just rambling about him in asks when i can /lh

[to---the---ark]

This is one of my latest fanfics about MarbleHornets.

The lack of uppercases, punctuation marks and the general "format" is wanted, and it's inspired by my dissociation issues, let's call them that since I'm not sure enough of myself to self diagnose. I hope it helped me portraying what I wanted to portray.

Hope you like it.

Regards,

[REDACTED]

-

Spoiler warning: mentions of the comic book "Marble Hornets Issue 3.5 - ToTheArk".

-

HEY, SUNNY BOY, SMILE AT ME

sometimes

i remember things

messages everywhere

secrets everywhere

sometimes

blond hair

bright smile

a little bit of a fessure between the front teeth

i look for it whenever i see someone smiling

how do you smile

i can't do that anymore

the plastic of my maskface is too hard and cold

sometimes

i remember

i was

warm

-

sometimes

thoughts get confusing

codes and riddles

numbers

glitching reality

the operator

faceless creature

it stole the faces from every memory i had

virus

it infected my whole being

i can no longer be myself

i can no longer remember who i loved

who i was loved by

what love is

i am always so cold

cold as a corpse

yellow hoodie stained with red

eyes no longer bright, one missing

blood seeping through that front teeth

the ark

awaits

i didn't die yet

didn't feed the ark

sometimes

i see

the sun

riddles and codes and warmth

his absent eye is pitch black

he no longer smiles

maybe a ghost

maybe an hallucination

he talks about tim

i do not know who he is

me

talks about me

can't remember

his voice stern and cold

answers my riddles resolves my codes

he's not really dead

he says

he will stop this

will fix me

but

i am broken, i can't be fixed

i am cold

-

the day the music died

was raining

old school

dusty floor

i'll kill you i screamed

he fell

down

down

down below

blood pooling under his head

a red halo

staining a yellow hoodie

my breath laboured

i don't know what i felt

anger

fear

nothing at all

never checked who he was

never dared to

and yet

alex showed me

now he briefly smiles at me

blood seeping through the little gap between his front teeth

is he

really dead

really here

really alive

really gone

is this reality

-

my head hurts

riddles eat my brain

codes stab it with painful thorns

sometimes

i see

the sun

«I've been looking for you.»

he's offering me his gloved hand

and his warmth tricks me into letting myself be boiled alive

am i really safe

am i me

who is

me

is tim still here

is tim still me

will i ever take my maskface off

i know no safety beside him

the one who stuck with me despite my impurity

or maybe because of it

maybe he just can't leave

maybe i ruined him once again

the sun is warm

usually

i feel a spark of warmth when i grab his hand

«You are broken, you can be fixed.»

his voice is as soothing as i think i remember it was

calm washes over me

hands stop trembling

i cough twice

i sob ugly crying

clawing his hoody trying to keep him close trying to never let go i don't want to be alone anymore please don't leave

«I'm not leaving, Tim.»

i'm tim

i'm me, he says so

a masked figure

behind him

don't know that facemask

don't know

is it gonna start all over again?

is this person here to torment me again- to take him away again?

i panic

«Listen to me» he says

i do

i think i'm dying

panic swirling in my chest

difficult to breath

«Everything is normal. Everything is fine.»

i don't really remember much

vague and blurry conceps most of the time

but

college, panic attacks before an exam

his smile reassuring me, his voice saying those exact words

«I worry about nothing.»

he calms me

again

soothing voice

warmth

the masked person doesn't seem so scary anymore

not beside him

«Because nothing's on my mind.»

the sun smiles at me

for the first time since i remained alone

a path of death and loss behind me

i am

warm

-

Little explanation time, with a lot of spoilers, lmao.

The masked guy is "Skully" and the whole fic happens after Issue 3.

I think that the order of the issues is 1, 2, 3.5, 3 and 4, and I think Issue 3.5 happens before Issue 3 becsuse in Issue 3.5, Skully "absorbs" Jay and Alex, and shows their faces to Jessica in Issue 3.

I also don't think Skully "absorbs" Brian. Brian says he had escaped the Ark multiple times, leaving behind pieces of himself, and Skully clearly asks him "help us". Skully doesn't show Jessica Brian's face, also.

With all the worry and concern Brian showed towards Tim, I wanted to write what I'd love to see: Brian looking for Tim with Skully's help, and finding him. I just did that from a dissociated, broken Tim's pov. Or at least I tried to.