#or maybe everyone *but* Tim (& Kon) got scooped

[spacedace]

Another dp x dc prompt/blurb thing for yall:

Everyone knows how much Batman cares about his kids. They may not all get along with him all the time, but it's obvious that there's nothing that the Dark Knight won't do to keep his bats and birds safe.

When Danny gets taken by the GIW, Jazz, Dan & Elle - acting as regents of the Infinite Realms while Danny is out of action - find themselves using this fact to try and force the Justice League's hand in helping them.

(The Justice League, it should be noted, have no idea about anything going on with the GIW and the Anti-Ecto Acts. Everyone in Amity has been led to believe that the JL has just been ignoring them.)

They don't want to do it, but their options are limited. The Realms are howling for blood and its either declare war and obliterate the human race or try to get a little sneaky and a lot underhanded. So they decide they're going to force Batman to help them by kidnapping as many of the BatKids as they can and holding them hostage until their demands are met.

[suzukiblu]

Happy Wednesday! Oh, what's on the menu today... ... Hm, can i get a scoop of 'YJ Accidental Baby Acquisition' please? *beams at you* Thank you so much, friend!

“So these people were trying to make a custom metaweapon, basically?” Dick asks, leaning against the nearest table and folding his arms as Tim starts setting up the testing equipment he’s going to need on it. “That was their idea?” 

“Apparently,” Tim says. “And Kon decided that was bullshit, so now we’ve got Kenley.” 

“You’ve ‘got’ Kenley?” Dick raises an eyebrow at him. Tim starts to say that’s not what I meant, but . . . well. Maybe it was. 

“I think so,” he says finally. “Depending on their opinion of it, anyway. They like Kon a lot more than Bart or Cassie or me.” 

“Yeah, that’s weird,” Dick says. “You’d think any mental programming would’ve identified everyone breaking into the lab as a threat, right? Not just whatever gene donors they managed to grab. But if there isn’t any programming, then why do they only like him?” 

“Kon’s a clone too. And was also supposed to be a weapon,” Tim says. They both know all this, obviously, but they’re saying it out loud to work it out. “Plus he’s specifically the one who saved them. We didn’t even know they existed ‘til he walked out with them all wrapped up in his jacket.” 

“He does have a sick leather jacket . . .” Dick muses mock-seriously, and Tim snorts. “And an actual fashion sense.” 

“Look who’s talking, Discowing,” Tim says. 

“I won’t hear slander against adventurous new innovations in style,” Dick retorts primly, making a show of tossing his hair. 

“Do you mean adventurous new innovations in leaving your chest exposed for easy stabbing access?” Tim inquires dryly. 

“Sexy stabbing access,” Dick corrects.

[peterxwade24]

Safety Found in Red Sleeves

Chapter 7

So, who’s ready for Gotham ft. Thana and friends? Also, Uncles Ed and John show up at the end so, look out for that.

Anyways...

Jason woke up early that next day, and he decided he was just going to have a little bit of a lie in. He smiled and pulled Damian closer, shushing him when he made a noise in protest. “I’m pretty sure the girls are going to join us in a little bit, and then Tim a little while after that.”

Just like he expected, Steph and Cass joined them in the bed not too long after he said it, and then Tim joined in a few minutes after the girls. The five of them laid in bed, everyone finding comfort in each other. No words were passed between the family, they didn’t feel the need to speak.

That’s where Dick and Wally, and their kids, found them about an hour later.

“Why weren’t we called to join the cuddle pile?” Dick pouted and crossed his arms over his chest, while Mar’i, Jay, and Iris ducked around their fathers and climbed into the bed. They, like Damian, chose a Wayne and clung to them. Mar’i clung to Tim, Iris clung to Steph and Jai clung to Cass.

“There’s a nine-year-old practically asleep on my chest. My phone is on my nightstand. None of them brought their phones to my bed.” Jason whispered and carded his fingers through Damian’s hair.

Dick shot a look at Wally, Wally simply shrugged as though to say “when in Rome” before he too got into the bed.

“C’mon Dickiebird. We don’t have anything to do today. We don’t start guiding or protecting them till tomorrow.” Jason’s words were slightly slurred in his comfortable state.

Dick huffed good-naturedly before climbing into the bed with his family and the Wests.

---

Tim’s phone blared from the room he’d claimed, stirring the almost completely asleep cuddle pile into wakefulness.

Jason frowned and shifted Damian from his chest to Steph’s other side. “I’ll be right back. Imma go answer Timber’s phone.” Jason slowly got out of the bed, being careful to not displace the other kids, and quietly left the room. He made his way into Tim’s room, grabbed his phone off of the night stand, and, without looking at the caller ID, answered the phone. “Timothy Jackson Drake’s phone, Jason speaking.”

“Why do you have his phone?” Bruce’s irritated voice came over the line.

“Because Tim’s in my bed asleep with most of my family and he left his phone on the nightstand next to the bed he sleeps in.” Jason’s voice didn’t change despite a grin forming on his face. “If something’s gone wrong at Wayne Enterprises, then shouldn’t you as the CEO be stepping up to solve it? And not your seventeen year old son.”

“You have no-” Bruce growled.

“I have no what? Room to care about my little brother? Right to care that my brothers and sisters would perish in your care?” Jason’s tone took on a deadly edge. “I have killed for less. I have killed to keep my son safe. I am not above maiming in the defense of those I love.” Jason hung up the phone and put it back down on the nightstand with a weighted sigh. He turned and the only indication he was surprised by Cass’s appearance was a slight widening to his eyes. “Hey Cass.”

Cass simply walked towards her brother and let herself slump against his chest. She wrapped her arms around him in her own display of thanks.

Jason simply rubbed circles into the older girl’s back. “I will not let him hurt any of you ever again. Harvey and I will fight tooth and nail if we have to, he has already given up his parental rights to Damian. You and Steph and Tim are just as much my siblings as you are my kids, well, you not so much a kid but you know what I mean.”

Cass shook with silent laughter and nodded. She patted Jason’s back and pulled back. She flashed him a smile before pulling him back to the rest of the family. 

---

Jason smiled as Damian ran around the park with Mar’i, Jai and Iris. Damian hadn’t had many opportunities to open up to children his age, as there hadn’t been any in the league, and despite the fact that he was older than the other three the four of them got along fairly well. Jason watched as Dick fretted over the three younger kids, Wally stood beside him with a small affectionate grin on his face. Tim was riding a skateboard around the park, Bart keeping pace beside him. Cass sat with Kon while Steph, Cassie and Cissie chatted a few paces away from the other two.

Damian, Mar’i, Jai and Iris ran around the park, weaving around other patrons and laughing. Damian looked over his shoulder at the other three when he ran into someone.

“Are you okay? Oh I’m so sorry.” A girl, who was with the person Damian ran into, spoke with a French accent. She was significantly taller than her companion with long black hair, the bangs and tips of which were dyed purple, and copper coloured eyes. She fretted over both Damian and her friend, who Damian was finally taking in. Her friend was short, just a head or two taller than Damian, with blue eyes and short pink hair, part of which was pulled back into a spiky ponytail.

Damian nodded. “I’m fine.”

Mar’i, Jai and Iris, upon seeing Damian standing, turned and ran to get their fathers.

The taller girl nervously flicked her bangs out of her face before frowning. “Are you sure you’re okay? Alix doesn’t always look where she’s skating.”

The other girl, apparently named Alix, looked ready to comment when Dick and Wally approached.

“Are you okay Damian?” Dick’s tone was filled with concern while Wally hung back with the three other kids.

“I’m fine Uncle Dick.” Damian frowned, “where’s Baba?”

“He’s gathering the other three, then they’ll be over here.” Dick reassured his young brother/nephew.

Jason ran to his son and scooped him up. “Oh Kutlat Saghira. Are you okay?” He turned to look at the French teens and smiled. “Thank you for stopping to make sure he was fine.”

Alix’s eyes widened before nodding. “Yeah, uh, no problem.”

Juleka gave a shy smile and nodded. “It was the least we could do.”

-*-*-*

Thana stared at her friends, the three who had always had her back and the two newest additions to their ranks. She took a moment to thank Plagg and Tikki, without whom she may never have met her closest friends and allies. She took in her friends and the way that all of their outfits seemed to go together without being obnoxiously matchy-matchy.

Alix seemed to be vibrating in her shoes, which were custom made turtle shell patterned Heelys. She wore dark gray distressed jeans with a dark forest green racerback tank top. She had a black and red men’s flannel over her tank with a red beanie perched on the top of her head. She had a dark green turtle themed shoulder bag strapped across her back.

Nino, standing next to Alix, had similar shoes done in snake skin instead of turtle shell. He wore loose-fitting blue denim jeans with several snake related patches around the side seems, he had a gray collared shirt under a red sweatshirt. He had a black shoulder bag across his back, on the opposite side Alix’s was. He had his normal headphones around his head while he had a pair of black headphones atop his head.

Adrien wore black and white checkered vans with white socks. His pants were salmon with baby pink criss-crossing stripes covering them. He wore a baby pink sweater with a light gray fanny pack.

Chloé wore a layered yellow skirt with a pair of foxes chasing each other around her hem, her skirt was made up of a solid layer of yellow silk under two or three layers of tulle. She had a white crop top tank under a red knit cardigan. She had an orange coloured baguette purse at her side. She had black converse with black socks to finish off her outfit.

Kim wore a pair of black running shoes, with gray sweatpants and a white shirt. He had a red zippered hoodie on top of that. He had a tiny gray ox with a smaller black cat curled up on its back on the hem of his shirt.

Thana had a pair of black running shoes, with gray leggings and a white tank top. She had a red crop top hoodie made of the hoodie she’d received from Jason all those years ago with a few added panels. Her tank top had little depictions of the Vietnamese zodiac animals on her chest.

Alix smiled brighty. “So, Kiti, you’ll never guess who I ran into, almost literally, yesterday.”

Thana hummed in acknowledgement as she led the group to the elevator. “Who’d you run into Rùa?”

“Oh, just, your brother, his brother, and an assortment of children.” Alix grinned as Thana froze and turned to look at her.

“What?” Thana’s voice was almost too quiet to hear, prompting Kim to drape his arm across her shoulders while Nino settled his normal headphones around Thana’s neck.

Chloé stared at Adrien, her blue eyes seeming to stare into Adrien’s soul.

“Hey, Al, that maybe wasn’t the best thing to say when we’re trying to get to the lobby to go on a tour with the rest of our class.” Adrien attempted to gently tell her off, but it backfired.

“Whatever.” Alix slunk ahead of them into the elevator.

---

Adrien looked at Alix forlornly as Alix chatted with Juleka. He knew he’d have to apologize eventually, he may have one fear as Monsieur Punaise (which was his partner) but he had two fears as Adrien Agreste, and they were disappointing his father and an angry Chloé Bourgeois. He shook his head and looked back at Chloé, who had a frown on her face as her eyes continued to scan the streets.

Nino fiddled with his phone as he kept pace a step behind Chloé but a step ahead of Thana and Kim. He looked to be fully absorbed in his phone but he was quick to pull Chloé away from the street a few moments before a car came whizzing past.

Their tour guide, a pleasant man who’d introduced himself as Richard, despite the fact that the bodyguard had snorted in response before neglecting to introduce himself, led them around Gotham. He pointed out all of the touristy destinations, while Thana mumbled what could be considered sad facts about each place.

Thana kept flicking her eyes to the bodyguard, there was only one Gothamite with the exact same build as their bodyguard with the same scars littering his cheeks and jaw. She was worrying the cuffs of her jacket sleeves when she heard the distinctive tap of her Uncle Ed’s cane. She whipped around to attempt to locate him, before seeing him and his tacky suit and her Uncle John and his equally as tacky suit approaching from behind Kim. She broke away from the group, causing the rest of her class (as well as the tour guide and bodyguard) to turn to stare at her as she threw herself into her Uncle Ed’s arms.

“Little Hood. It’s good to see you.” Her Uncle Ed held her close while Uncle John finally reached the duo.

“Hey Mini Todd.” Her Uncle John ruffled her hair before settling an arm around Ed’s shoulders.

The three reunited for a moment under the watchful eyes of the class’ bodyguard, Thana’s friends, and Marinette’s class. Kim pulled out his phone to take a picture to send to his Mẹ, because she had asked for any updates on Thana’s family situation. Nino took a picture to send to Thana, because he knew she’d want to have photographic evidence of when she reunited with her two of her uncles.

“I missed you two so much.” Thana whispered into Ed’s neck while John settled his hand on the back of Thana’s head.

“We missed you too.” John assured their niece, he knew that she’d had doubts about whether or not they had actually missed her as much as she’d missed them, and he hated her father for giving her that complex every day.

Lila let out a blood-curdling scream before appearing to tremble as she pointed at the trio. “Marinette is hugging The Riddler and Scarecrow!” Lila then proceeded to pretend to faint, luckily for her Alya was right there to catch her, unluckily for her everyone else was focused on their classmate and that fact that she appeared to have tears streaming down her cheeks.

Taglist:

@southamericangothamite @maribat-is-lifeblood @mystery-5-5 @our-preciousss @mochegato @chocolatecatstheron @throneoffirebreathingbitch @2confused-2doanything @wannajointhecrabcult @dreamykitty25 @tomanyfandomsonmymind @moonlightstar64 @justafanwarrior @mialuvscats @pheony1882 @pepelachanel @moongoddesskiana @abrx2002 @ladybug-182 @greatcatblaze @thatonecroc @vixen-uchiha @superbwhispersconnoisseur @lilkymilky @susiej1118  @bluesimani @thatonecroc

[queerbutstillhere-writes]

Day 1 - Tim’s Birthday

“Tim, can you go grab me the bandages?”

“Yeah, sure B.”

Listen, Tim was glad that Damian was back safe. He was glad they had found the boy before he had gotten any worse injuries(though how he could be in worse shape then he’s in right now, Tim wasn’t sure). He may not get along with Damian the best, but he was still the kids brother, in their own fucked up way.

So he was trying to not feel too upset about it.

It’s not like his birthday was an important thing that he waited for every year. It’s fine.

Besides, birthdays hadn’t even been that big of a thing until he came to Bruce’s. Maybe he had cake or something on his birthday, or if his parents were home they might go out to dinner. But it’s not like he had huge birthday parties or anything. So why was this such a big deal? It was fine. It was more important that Damian was home safe. Right?

It’s not like this was his 17th birthday, and he had been hoping it would be a little more special. It wasn’t like this was his 17th birthday, and he had been planning to tell Bruce about his boyfriends.

He’d survive.

He helped Bruce rebandage Damian’s chest, the kid still mostly in a coma, he woke up occasionally, but was never fully lucid, just mumbled different things and was able to relay where he was in the most pain.

He didn’t know why he was hoping that Bruce would bring it up, but it became clear he had forgotten when after, he just thanked Tim, kissed him on the forehead and then sat down beside Damian with a laptop.

Tim sighed softly and called a soft goodnight, turning to walk back upstairs, ready to crash after a long night of patrols and a disappointing evening.

So that’s just what he did. He took a shower and then collapsed into bed in a t-shirt that was more than likely Kon’s. It still smelled like him too, so who was Tim to complain. He just curled sprawled out under the bright yellow poofy duvet Bart had dumped into his room one day and refused to take home, one of the only splashes of color in the fairly dull, impersonal room.

He tossed and turned for a while before fully passing out, letting himself slip into dark night terrors with no plot or escape.

Just another night sleeping for Tim Drake.

He was in for quite a surprise when he woke up.

Well, not quite as much of a surprise as the person he ended up flipping off the side of his bed, but honestly what did they expect from him? He was highly sensitive, even in his sleep.

The squeal and solid thump got him to wake the rest of the way up, and he sat up, looking down at the floor beside his bed to find a figure sprawled on the floor, looking up at the ceiling.

“Ow!” they complained.

“Bart?!”

The teen grinned at him, sitting up.

“Hi babe.”

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!”

Bart just hopped up and immediately launched himself on top of Tim, knocking him back down to the bed with a grunt.

“What are you doing here?” Tim groaned as Bart shifted to get comfortable, lying on top of him.

“Well, we wanted to surprise you, but Kon had to stop and help some people along the way so I was supposed to come ahead and make sure you stayed in bed,” they responded, chin on Tim’s chest.

“Surprise me?”

Tim easily rolled Bart under him, ruining the other’s work to getting comfortable on top of him.

“Yeah!” Bart just grinned at him, reaching up to put their arms around Tim’s neck.

“Why?”

Another grin was his answer, as well as a soft kiss. Tim just rolled his eyes and accepted this, giving Bart a few soft kisses before falling sideways and reaching for his phone. Bart immediately cuddled up to his back, forehead against his spine. Tim didn’t fight it, just opened his phone and suddenly realized why Bart wanted to surprise him, when he found texts from some of his friends, wishing him a Happy Birthday. He smiled softly, quickly texting them back and setting his phone down, just as the window popped open on its own. Both sat up to look at it, and watched as one Superboy tumbled through the window, or well, former Superboy. He looked up and found them watching, and gave a sheepish grin, quickly latching the window behind him before kicking off his boots. Tim watched as he walked over, dumping off unnecessary parts of his uniform as he walked, then slipping into the bed next to them, hovering over Tim slightly.

“Happy Birthday, beautiful,” he murmured softly before kissing him.

Tim just relaxed into it, grinning slightly. Then he pushed Kon away, wrinkling his nose.

“You smell like soot.”

“Yeah, sorry. There was this really big fire and I stopped to help.”

“I told you,” Bart murmured sleepily.

They both chuckled at them, and then Kon looked back at Tim.

“Got any birthday wishes, birthday boy?”

Tim frowned, glancing away as the memory of what was happening with his family came back to the front of his mind.

“Eh, not really?”

“He’s lying,” Bart inputted, rolling so they were pushed up on one elbow, looking over at Tim with a raised eyebrow.

“Of course he’s lying, but if he really ain’t gonna tell us, we’ll just have to take matters into our own hands.”

Tim rolled his eyes at Kon, pushing at him.

“Get up, ya big oaf. I know it’s noon, but some of us have to eat breakfast yet.”

“Can we get second breakfast, then?”

Tim laughed, looking over at the speedster.

“Yes, you can get second breakfast.”

Bart cheered for joy, jumping up and zipping to Tim’s closet. They returned within seconds with a pair of black shorts and a short sleeve black striped button up.

“Come on, get dressed,” Bart urged, holding the clothes out. “Or I’ll do it for you. . . Actually maybe I should do it anyway, that’d be a lot faster-”

“Bart, calm down and come here,” Kon said with a laugh, grabbing Bart with his TTK and pulling them over to sit in his lap.

The two patiently waited - as patient as those two get, anyway - while Tim changed, a little stiff from sleep still. Once he was dressed and had fussed with his hair a bit to soothe down the tangles and cowlicks, he turned to them. Kon gave a little wolf whistle, grinning from where he had his chin on Bart’s shoulder.

“Hmm, handsome as ever.”

“Thanks. Now let’s go get food before Bart withers away and dies.”

Bart cheered and jumped up, scooping Tim up easily and rushing out his bedroom door. But instead of taking him to the kitchen like usual, he went straight to the dining room and plopped Tim down in his usual seat.

Except the dining room was completely black, only the slight spark shower lighting it up.

“Bart?” Tim asked, glancing behind him to where the speedster had already disappeared through the kitchen room. “You could’ve at least turned on the lights beforehand.”

Tim had no sooner started to stand then the door flew open and the lights flicked on. Tim flinched away from the brightness, then focused on the door, finding a couple people trailing through it in a procession, carrying trays and things. Bruce, Alfred, Dick, Bart and Kon, hell even Steph was there.

“Happy birthday, my dear boy,” Alfred announced, setting down a cup of coffee in front of Tim.

“Oh,” Tim said softly, glancing down at the cup then up at Alfred.

Trays of breakfast foods were set down on the table, each person coming by to wish Tim a happy birthday, ruffling his hair or hugging him or something. Bart and Kon sat on either side of him, Dick and Steph on the other side of the table, Bruce at the end, and Alfred right next to him.

Tim wasn’t tearing up. No. Not at all. It was fine. He was fine .

Kon leaned over, nudging him slightly.

“I may have lied about the fire,” Kon said with a small grin. “Well, no, there was a fire, it was just like, an hour previously, and I was just helping Alfred cook.”

“He actually got here before me,” Bart confirmed, tapping Tim’s leg with their foot.

“Guys,” he breathed out, reaching up and rubbing his eyes.

“Tim,” Bruce said softly, pulling his attention. “I’m sorry if we made you think we’d forgotten about your birthday.”

“Issokay,” Tim mumbled. “Dami was hurt.”

“It’s not okay, and I promise you we didn’t forget,” Bruce told him, offering a smile.

“Thanks, Bruce.”

They started eating together, and Tim allowed himself to smile freely as he listened to his boyfriends and family chatting together.

Oh yeah. Bruce didn’t know.

“Hey, Bruce?” Tim called slightly, feeling his heart leap into his throat the moment he had spoken.

“Yeah, Tim?”

“I- I have something I wanted to tell you.”

“Go ahead.”

“I’m . . . I’m dating Kon and Bart.”

Bruce glanced up from his pancakes, then looked between the three of them. He smiled.

“Congratulations.”

“I knew it!” Dick exclaimed from the other side of the table, looking absolutely joyful with this news.

Tim just groaned and realized his mistake of telling Bruce in front of everyone. Or well. . . just Dick. Steph already knew.

After their brunch - for that’s what it was - Tim found himself being dragged out of the house by his boyfriends.

“Guys, where are we going?”

“Birthday shopping! Come on!”

“Why do we need to go birthday shopping?”

“Because it’s your birthday and we want to spoil you!”

“Did you two forget that I’m the billionaire here, or?”

Kon just scoffed and shook his head. “I get money from Lex, and you know that.”

“Come on, Tim,” Bart said, with one of their powerful Puppy Dog Pouts. “Just let us take care of you today.”

Tim chuckled and shook his head and let them through the garage to his car.

“Fine, come on you dorks. But I’m driving.”

They both cheered and ran to the car.

After an afternoon of shopping and hanging out and eating sweets, and a nice dinner with the family again, Tim found himself at the front door, saying goodbye to his boyfriends before he had to go off to patrol.

“Thank you guys, so much, for coming,” Tim said with a smile, stepping forwards and kissing Kon, then Bart.

“Yeah! We just wanted to make your birthday just a lil bit better.”

Tim chuckled and shook his head, giving Bart another kiss.

“I love you, Bart Allen.”

“I love you too, Tim Drake-Wayne,” they responded happily, stealing one last kiss before stepping back and letting Tim turn to Kon.

“And I love you, Conner Kent.”

Conner just chuckled, pulling Tim in close, kissing him for a little longer then he had been allowed previously.

“I love you, Tim,” he practically whispered.

Then he stepped back, gave Tim a wink and started hovering.

“See ya around, birdie.” He saluted and shot off.

“Bye, Tim!” Bart called and also disappeared into the night.

Tim just smiled to himself and turned, walking inside again.

Yeah, that had been a good birthday.

@core-disaster-week-2020

[queerbutstillhere]

For my favourite writer, Damian and Jon get send to an Alternate Universe (maybe young justice cause I'm more familiar with it) and during their brief stay there everyone they interact with thinks they are dating because they act as a couple.

(I'm not sure how I feel about this, but oh well? I hope it's okay! Also it's kinda a weird situation, like they're in an alternate universe, but it's also just Young Justice? Idk I hope it makes sense!)

You know, it wasn't everyday that you're chilling with your Bros, a big blue portal opens in the ceiling and from it falls two vigilantes, cursing and kicking each other, right onto your coffee table, shattering it everyday.

Or at least it shouldn't be an everyday occurrence.

It certainly wasn't that surprising to say the least.

I suppose you want background, don't you?

It was a wonderful summer morning. Timothy Drake, Conner Kent, Cassie Sandsmark and Bart Allen had gone to visit their good friends Cissie and Greta, retired heroes. Tim, being a rich kid, could afford to do this for a weekend, and of course, the others could just run or fly there. So they went out for lunch and then went back to Cissies house, her mom conveniently out for the weekend. They were just chilling and catching up when the portal opened, people fell, and glass table shattered.

Greta had screamed when they fell, meanwhile the others just jumped up, ready to fight. The two vigilantes weren't terribly large, they had landed on top of each other, and the one on top was covered by a large black cape, a hood flipped over his head. He was the one swearing loudly. The other one was clearly a teen, wearing blue and red, and a red cape twisted underneath him. He had black hair and blue eyes and looked . . . Like Clark?

Tim and Kon exchanged a confused look.

"Damn you!"

"Stop it! Would you just stop fighting and hold still while I get a bearing on where the hell we are."

"No! Let go of me!"

"You're bleeding," the teen responded, arms tightly clasped around the person on top of him.

He had spotted Kon and apparently identified him as the current threat, body going rigid.

"I'm always bleeding, let go!"

There was a grunt and then cape man was pushing up, sitting on his companions stomachs as he looked around, eyes landing on Tim.

They both gasped at the same time.

"Robin?" Tim exclaimed, because standing in front of him was an. . . Older Damian?

"Drake," Damian shot back, tilting his head.

"Whoa, wait a minute," Kon said, stepping in front of Tim. "What's going on?"

"Tim, how does he know that?" Cissie asked.

"Know what? His last name?" Robin said with an eyeroll.

"God, Robin, lay off the bean burgers!" The younger man complained, shoving at Robin.

"Shut the hell up, Superboy. Now is not the time."

A small whine escaped "Superboy" and then he locked eyes with Kon again. Sure enough, on his chest was the S emblem of Superman. Kon took a step towards him, and in a flash, this Superboy was across the room, Robin between him and the wall as he glared at them, an arm behind him, touching Robin.

"Stay back. Who the hell are you people."

"Tt. Kent, don't be so naive," Robin said, poking his head out around the taller teens shoulder. "That is clearly my brother."

"You're-" Tim started confused.

"I see that, Rob, but who are the others?"

".... Admittedly I don't know. It appears Rex's portal dropped us into another dimension. . . Fascination."

"Uh! No! The last alternate dimension we got involved in, my dad was evil! Your dad doesn't even know we snuck out."

"Eh. I'm sure it'll be fine. What's the worst that can happen? They send West after us?"

"Robin!"

Tim raised an eyebrow at the two, motioning for the others to stand down, Cassie relaxed, and Cissie stopped edging towards her bow.

"Bart, can you clean up the glass, please?" Tim asked softly.

"Yeah." The speedster blurred around until all the glass pieces were collected, and then appeared with a vaccum, sweeping the rug.

Superboy and Robin had gone silent, watching this.

"He's a speedster."

"I see that."

"I don't trust them."

"And you think I do? They haven't attacked us yet, though, so that's a start."

Tim watched with hidden amusement, this whole time, as they stood against the wall, they had been touching the whole time, Robin's hands on Superboy's arm, which was wrapped around and hooked into Robin's utility belt. It was almost as if they were holding each other back.

"Okay. Why don't we do introductions instead of standing here and whispering," Tim said, stepping closer. "I'm Tim Drake."

"Red Robin. I know," Robin said softly.

Tim frowned, eyebrow raising. "I'm not..."

Robin's eyebrow also raised.

"Maybe he's not Red in this universe?" Superboy said softly.

Robin gently cuffed the back of Superboy's head. "Use your eyes. Read his body language, his posture, his body shape. He's a vigilante of some kind. It seems only reasonable that he would be Red Robin still. His recognized me, which means I have become Robin in this universe already. So unless he quit, or by some miracle, is Batman..."

"Okay, Damian, just, stop," Tim said, waving his hands. "Yes I know who you are. But I'm not Red Robin anymore."

"Oh you did quit?" Robin inquired.

"No. . . I uh. Changed my name."

"Fucking Drake," Kon muttered from behind them.

"Okay, you know what. Greta and I are gonna go to the kitchen why you guys sort this mess out," Cissie said, and sure enough, the two girls just exited stage left-

"What did you change it to?" Robin asked, he still hadn't moved from behind Superboy.

".... Drake."

Robin blinked once. Then twice.

"What the fuck?"

"Look! Okay! It's a powerful duck-"

"It's literally only aggressive when horny, Tim, what the hell?" Robin interrupted, staring at him with the biggest "what the fuck" expression ever.

"I TOLD YOU!" Bart nearly screamed, zipping over. "Hi! I'm Bart Allen, Impulse! I'm Barry's grandkid."

"Uh, Hi. I'm Superboy?" Superboy said, blue eyes cautiously scanning Bart.

"That's hilarious, because I'm Superboy," Kon said, stepping up, wrapping an arm around Tim's waist.

The two Superboy's had a glaring match.

"Cassandra Sandsmark. Wonder Girl."

"Oh, isn't Donna-"

"Alternate dimension," Robin reminded his Superboy.

Tim didn't miss the small sway that just happened to Robin. Neither did Superboy, as he suddenly spun and scooped up Robin.

"You dumbass," he huffed, looking around.

"I'm fine. We have more pressing matters-"

"You are literally bleeding through your armor."

"Kent I'm fine."

"Like hell."

Superboy looked at Tim.

"He took a shank to the stomach earlier. Do you have medical supplies?"

"Somewhere-"

They sent Bart off to look for those, while Superboy laid Robin down on the dining room table, gently undoing all his armor as Robin was forced to lay there helplessly, and just talk.

"As you have probably figured out by now, I'm Damian Wayne, and this is Jonathan Kent. We are Robin and Superboy from our universe," Damian explained, tugging off his gloves and then his mask.

"Wait does that make us brothers?" Kon asked, staring at Jonathan.

"What?" The younger Kent asked , barely glancing up from his task of gently pulling off Damian's layers, every touch and tug painfully gentle.

"Your dad is Clark, right?"

"Yeah."

"He's mine too. I'm Kon, Conner Kent."

"Oh! Cool!" Jon grinned at him brightly.

Neither of them noticed it, but Damian went rigid, and Jon mumbled an apology, looking back down. Bart returned with a first aid kit finally.

"This is all Cissie had."

"I'll take it," Jon said.

While he got to work, ripping his cape for spare bandaged, and using the surgical needle and string that Cissie had wisely decided there should be inside, Damian began explaining what had happened, how they had been battling an old enemy named Rex, and he had, in a last ditch effort, opened the portal, tossing them through it. Cassie and Tim asked a few questions to better understand, and Damian answered them all, barely bothered by Jon working on his stab wound, bandaging it as best he could.

"So wait. We don't exist on your world?" Cassie asked.

"Well, Tim does, and I do believe I've heard of a Cassandra Sandsmark. But I've never met you, Kon, nor do we have an Impulse. Just the Wally's and Barry. Oh and Jay."

"Wild."

"Well, Jon here doesn't exist in our timeline, so it'd not that surprising," Kon said to Bart.

"Yeah but still. What do people do without us?"

"We survive just fine, I assure you," Damian said sarcastically.

Jon smacked his thigh. "Hey, play nice."

"I am playing nice."

"No. You're being a dick."

"This is him being a dick?" Tim asked, eyebrow raised. "You should meet my Damian. . . Hey how old are you anyway."

"I'm seventeen. Jon is fifteen."

Tim exchanged a look with Kon, right as Damian gave a small grunt.

"Sorry, I'm almost done, okay? Hold still," Jon said, lightly touching Damian's arm before tying off the string.

They almost acted like a couple, with the gentle touches and soft tones they used.

"That's cute," Bart said softly, almost as if he had read Tim's mind.

Jon's head snapped up, and he looked at Bart, cheeks turning red.

"So we should most likely talk to Father, and maybe Kord to see how to get us back," Damian said to Tim.

"Yeah. I'll call Bruce. I think he's in Paris though so he may not be much help."

"He'd still like to know what is going on."

Tim shook his head slightly. "Don't you two worry, we'll get you boys back to your own universe as quick as possible."

"We're not children, Drake," Damian muttered, shaking his head. "God I can't believe you picked Drake!"

So they called Bruce, headed to the watchtower, changing on the way. When Tim walked out from the room on the batwing that he had been changing in, Damian just stared at him.

"Why are you brown and yellow."

"It's my uniform."

"That is the blandest uniform I have ever seen. That's not even the colors of a Drake."

"What?" Tim asked confused."

"You're literally wearing the colors of a female duck," Damian explained.

"Dami! Don't be rude!"

"It's cause he's such a bottom," Kon commented, grinning at Tim.

"Okay, gross," Damian said, making a face.

"What? Is that not gay culture on your universe?"

"I wouldn't know, frankly," Damian said with a sigh, looking down at his touchscreen gauntlet, messing with it.

". . . So you two aren't dating then?"

Both of them looked at Kon in alarm.

"What?!" Jon screeched.

"Why would we be dating?"

"Because you guys are all gross and touchy," Kon said, even as he leaned on Tim.

"We are not!" Jon protested. "He's my best friend!"

And yet, when they got to the watchtower, the two walked with their arms pressed together, murmuring softly and pointing things out to each other and in general acting like a couple. Tim may not know this Damian, but he can read closeted gay anywhere. Well except himself.

All of the Justice League was wary of these new vigilantes, but interested too, asking questions. Tiny angry Damian was not impressed with older, happier Damian, but older Damian just smiled and spoke gently to younger Damian for a moment, and then the kid huffed in annoyance and ran off.

"What did you tell him?" Jon asked softly.

"That it was okay and he would make mistakes and to just learn from them instead of beating himself up. And that I was proud of him because I remembered how hard and confusing it was to follow Bruce's rules, but things will get better."

Jon smiled fondly at Damian. "Things you wish you had been told?"

"Maybe."

"Totally not dating," Tim mumbled as he walked past. They both glared after him.

It took a few hours for them to figure out how to send Damian and Jon back, meanwhile, the two just hung out with Tim and Kon and chatted, swapping stories and finding out information about each other. Tim really couldn't believe they weren't dating. They sure acted like it.

"Okay, kiddos," everyone looked up as Barry walked over. "Time to go, we've got it all figured out."

They walked over to where the portal was supposed to open.

"Thank you, for helping," Damian said, pressing on his mask.

"It was our pleasure," Tim said with a grin.

Jon said goodbye to Kon, and then ran after Damian through the portal. Tim just laughed and shook his head, and turned to Kon.

"I liked them."

"They were most definitely dating without realizing it yet."

"Oh yeah."

Send me a prompt!

[mayleebaby28]

Some Days I’m Headed in the Right Direction, and Some Days I Ain’t Even Close

@fishfingersandjellybabies wanted Superbat and I’ve wanted to write this for months now so thanks for the inspiration

Note: In this AU, Bruce adopted Dick and Jason as toddlers, while he and Clark were dating. After they got married, they did a surrogacy thing and surprise, got twins Conner and Tim (Tim obviously takes after the mother for height, also they’re super attached to each other), adopted Cass, had Damian and Jon via surrogates, and recently adopted Duke. Ages are Dick-18, Jason-17, Tim and Conner-14, Cass-13, Duke-12, Damian-8, Jon-6. 

Bruce wasn’t sure what his children were doing, but he was pretty fed up with whatever it was.

First he had gone to talk to Dick about something that morning, only to find his son in the process of sneaking back in after a night out, bruises all over his neck and not the crime fighting type bruises. That lead to two important conversations because he was only 18 and the last thing Bruce wanted was to be a grandfather at 33.

Then he went downstairs while Dick took a shower and got some sleep, since he was grounded as much as Bruce could ground him, and saw Jason arguing with Tim, and Kon arguing with Jon, and Damian feeding the dogs from the table, and Duke was trying to pull Tim and Jason apart, and Cass was sitting at the kitchen island quietly scrolling through her phone.

And Clark wasn’t going to be back until dinner time.

Bruce sighed.

“What is going on here?” He asked, his voice booming through the kitchen and effectively silencing his children, all of them pausing to stare at him. All except Cass, who hopped off of her chair, walked by Bruce, stood on her toes to kiss him on the cheek, and continued down the hall.

“Alright, you two, what’s the problem?” Bruce asked, pointing to Jason and Tim where they were standing by the pantry. Duke stayed between them, the new addition wary of the two, who were regularly fighting.

The two angrily glared at each other, neither saying anything. Whatever it was, Bruce would get to the bottom of it later.

“And you two?” He asked, nodding to Kon and Jon sitting at the table.

“Daddy, Kon took the last of the lucky charms,” Jon said, the smallest’s face scrunched up in anger.

“There’s so many other cereals,” Kon said, motioning back towards the pantry. “I was up first.”

Bruce sighed. Kon and Jon struggled with their relationship sometimes too.

“You two, go to your room,” He said, motioning to Tim and Kon. The shorter scowled, leading the way as his twin followed. Bruce could hear them mumbling to each other on their way up. “And you, go find Alfred and help with the chores,” He pointed to Jason, who sighed dramatically before heading towards the dining room.

“They were fighting when I got up, Bruce,” Duke said, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Don’t worry about them, they fight a lot,” Bruce said. “Go ahead and take your breakfast into the dining room, I’ll take care of things in here.”

Duke nodded and grabbed his plate, scrambled eggs, before heading in Jason’s direction.

“Damian, don’t feed the dogs from the table,” Bruce said, and the eight year old huffed, picking up a piece of toast for himself. “Jon, Honey, why don’t I get you something else for breakfast? What do you want?”

Bruce scooped his youngest up, resting him on his hip so he could see everything in the pantry.

“Cheerios,” Jon said, pointing. Bruce grabbed the box and handed it to him as he set him down. “Thank you, Daddy.”

“You’re welcome,” Bruce sighed, glad the little one still thanked him. “You two, go.” He waved the dogs off, and they bounded out of the room, running into the rest of the manor.

He made sure his two youngest were settled and eating peacefully before going to find his twins. They both seemed the most upset, it was probably best to handle them first.

Bruce knocked on their door, and opened it when he heard a quiet ‘yeah?’

Kon was lounging on his bed, folding what looked like homework into a paper airplane but one thing at a time. Tim was at their shared desk, scribbling something down with a pen.

“What’s going on with you two this morning?” Bruce asked, going to sit on Tim’s bed.

“Jason kept taking my stuff and holding it up high where I couldn’t reach it,” Tim said, setting his pen down and closing his eyes. “He wouldn’t give me back my phone, he keeps sending stupid texts to Stephanie.”

“I’ll talk to him about that,” Bruce nodded, not looking forward to that. Since Jason was 13 he seemed to just like tormenting his little brothers. It wasn’t until Conner hit his growth spurt that he focused his efforts solely on Tim. “And I understand breakfast wasn’t your fault, but please try to be gentler with Jon. He’s still little.”

Kon grunted, tossing his airplane so it would land on the desk in front of Tim. The shorter of the two opened it, saw ‘I’m Bored’ scribbled on the back of a worksheet.

“Okay, but you can’t just copy my homework,” Tim said, flipping it over to reveal a blank sheet. “So do it.”

“Ugh,” Kon groaned, getting up to grab the paper and go back to his bed.

“You boys finish that before you go out today,” Bruce said, saw Kon pulling his phone out. “And I’m sure Cassie doesn’t mind waiting until you homework is done to talk to you.”

Kon rolled his eyes, but still put his phone away.

Bruce smiled and got up to leave his twins to their homework. He headed down the hall until he heard music coming from Cass’s room. The door was opened, so he leaned his head in to see what she was up to.

She looked up from her phone and smiled, giving him a wave.

“Doing alright, Angel?”

“Okay,” She said, giving him a thumbs up.

Bruce smiled at her as he closed the door and started down the stairs again, intending to find Jason. When he did, he was back in the kitchen, drying the dishes Alfred was washing.

“Can I have Tim’s phone, please?” Bruce asked, holding a hand out. Jason sighed, reaching into his front pocket and pulling out the phone to hand him. Bruce checked the back to check that it was Tim’s, and that was confirmed by the superboy logo sticker on the back. “Must you bother him all the time?”

“I was just teasing him a little,” Jason rolled his eyes. Difficult boy, he was.

“Well, Tim doesn’t like to be teased, Jason,” Bruce said, stuffing the phone in his own pocket. He’d give it back later when Tim was done with his homework. “He’s sensitive.”

“He needs to grow a pair,” Jason scoffed, and Bruce held his tongue. Telling Jason to keep it PG would only make him more difficult.

“Just apologize, please? I don’t want to hear that you’re teasing him anymore,” Bruce instructed, and Jason heaved a dramatic sigh as he put a plate away. “Don’t you huff at me, young man.”

“Bruce, come on, he’s my brother, I’m just giving him a hard time,” Jason said, and Alfred shoved a plate at his chest with some anger. Obviously Alfred agreed with Bruce.

“Well if you have to give someone a hard time, maybe pick your battles,” Bruce said. “I’m sure you can find better targets. Or, better yet, go for a drive and work off whatever is bothering you that makes you want to torment him.”

“Whatever,” Jason said, putting another plate in the cabinet.

“When you’re done here, I want you to apologize,” Bruce said, firm as he left the room. Alfred would talk to him, they always seemed to work out problems together better than Jason and Bruce.

He was just getting back out into the hall when the dogs came bounding past him to the foyer, barking up a storm as the front door opened.

Clark came in, smiling at the dogs and letting Krypto jump on him even though he wasn’t supposed to. He set his bag down and kicked off his shoes, getting down to their level to pet them so they would stop barking.

“Clark,” Bruce breathed, feeling the tension leave his shoulders. Eight children on his own was too much no matter how old they got. It was hard enough when it was just the two before he and Clark even got married. He wished he could go back and tell his younger self that it was good practice because he’d get more than a handful more children.

“Hey, handsome,” Clark said, standing up straight and grabbing the back of Bruce’s neck to pull him in for a kiss. “What’s the matter?”

“The kids are driving me nuts, Clark,” Bruce sighed, stepping into his husband’s embrace and resting a head on his shoulder. “Jason is teasing Tim and Dick snuck out and Conner ate all the lucky charms.”

“Okay, one of those things is not like the other,” Clark furrowed his brows, trying to see Bruce’s face. He didn’t get the chance to though, since he heard small feet bounding through the manor and he only had a few moments to brace himself before.

“Papa!”

Jon came running down the stairs, right into Clark’s outstretched arms. He lifted his son up so he was between the two of them, and Bruce gave the boy a tired smile and a kiss on the temple.

“I missed you, Papa,” Jon said, and Clark beamed.

“I missed you too, Sweetheart,” He held his youngest son close, rocking him gently like he used to when Jon was a baby. “Were you good for Daddy while I was gone?”

“Uh huh,” Jon nodded, and Bruce nodded behind his back.

“That’s my little guy,” Clark ruffled his hair, and moved to set him down. “Do me a favor, okay? Go let everyone know I’m home.”

“Okay!” Jon yelled as he ran back for the stairs, stumbling as he tried to go faster than his legs allowed.

“That’ll buy us at least a few minutes,” Clark said, rolling his eyes. “Let’s go sneak out before they get back.”

Bruce led the way up the stairs to the master bedroom, avoiding any children they almost encountered along the way. Jon was bouncing into everyone’s rooms, telling them that Papa was home. Bruce heard a pillow being thrown and someone groaning, but chose to ignore it in favor of five minutes alone with his husband.

“So how are Ma and Pa?” Bruce asked as he shut the door to their room.

“They’re perfectly fine,” Clark smiled as he started undoing his flannel shirt, revealing a plain white t-shirt underneath. “Miss you and the kids.”

“I’m sure the kids miss them too,” Bruce nodded. “I know Conner really wanted to go with you.”

“He can come with me and miss school when his grades are up,” Clark tossed his shirt towards the hamper.

“I think they’re working on that now,” Bruce explained. “But they can tell you all about that later.” He headed over to their bed and flopped face-down onto the mattress, still unmade and comfy from when he had woken that morning. He felt Clark on top of him, straddling his hips and sitting on his ass.

“They too much for you?” Clark asked, running a his hands over Bruce’s back.

“No,” Bruce said, and they never were. They might be difficult and make him crazy, but never too much. “Not sure what got into them today.”

“Forget all about them,” Clark said, massaging near the base of Bruce’s spine. Bruce smirked into the bedding before bucking his hips back a little so Clark would rise enough that he could roll over. He smiled up at his husband as he settled for sitting on his pelvis. “Let me help.”

Clark leaned over to give him a small peck on the lips, which became two pecks, then three.

“Door’s not locked, Clark,” Bruce whispered, smirking.

“Don’t care,” Clark whispered back, leaning in for another kiss.

But then the door opened and eight children and a butler were spilling into the room.

“Oh, gross,” Jason grimaced, standing in the doorway with Dick.

“Come on, guys,” Dick said, and Clark chuckled as he got off of Bruce to greet his kids.

“Relax, you two,” Clark rolled his eyes, helping Jon up onto the bed and into his lap. Damian scrambled up as well, snuggling under one of Clark’s arms without a word. “What’s this I hear about everyone fighting this morning?”

Four kids started talking at once, silenced only by Bruce holding up a hand.

“Can’t you all get along without me here?” Clark asked, raising a brow.

“Not the same without you here, Pop,” Conner said, taking the lead and sitting at the end of the bed. Tim flopped down beside him, the two still attached at the hip.

“Missed you boys too,” Clark handed off the youngest to Bruce and leaned forward to pull them both into a hug, one under each arm. Cass came forward next, giving Clark a kiss on the cheek and signing ‘I love you’ to him, which he returned. Duke also stepped forward, giving Clark a small smile, still not totally comfortable with his Kansas affection yet. “And you two?”

Clark raised a brow at the oldest still in the doorway. He got up to meet Dick halfway in a hug, taking note of the lose scarf Dick had on.

“What’s this I hear about you sneaking out?” Clark whispered, and Dick puffed out a breath. “We’ll talk later, okay?”

“Okay,” Dick nodded, stepping back so Jason could have a turn.

“Welcome back, old man,” Jason said, letting Clark embrace him.

“I do suggest we let your father get unpacked,” Alfred said, and Clark stopped himself from breathing a sigh of relief. He did miss his kids a ton, but sleeping alone was never great and he could use some time with his husband.

Before they could leave however, the dogs came bounding in and jumped onto the bed. Jon let out a laugh, Damian squealed, Tim and Conner sputtered as the dogs stepped on them. Even Bruce, who normally had a strict no dogs on the bed rule, just sighed and gave Clark a tired smile.

It was good to be home with his family again.

[adultswim2021]

Tom Goes to the Mayor #13: “Vice Mayor” | June 13, 2005 – 12:15AM | S01E13

Pretty solid one that almost seems like it could’ve been a series finale. But no! It is merely the end... of the season.

In Vice Mayor, Tom alerts the Mayor that he’s moving away, and that his time in Jefferton has simply not worked out. The Mayor appoints Tom as Vice Mayor in order to get him to stay. Turns out Vice Mayor means you are the mayor of Hobotown, a shanty suburb of Jefferton where hobos sleep in box cars and eat vittles (hot dogs) in peace. But Fred Willard plays a devious developer who gets Tom all stuffed with cheesy fries (in a very weird hybrid “animation”/live-action bit where we cut to a close up of Tom chewing with cheese sauce covering his beak), clouding Tom’s judgement and getting him to sign a check over to him to redevelop Hobotown, displacing all the Hobos into Jefferton proper.

The Mayor’s solution is to have a big hot dog carnival with Candle Crush, a Spin-Doctors style band fronted by Bob (this is part of an apparent real-world cross-promotion told through live-action commercial bumpers with the lead singer of Candle Crush saying to stay tuned to Tom Goes to the Mayor for his new hit single. I’ve got the scoop: It’s all a gag!!). Tom wonders out loud how this is going to solve anything. The Mayor: “I poisoned the hot dogs” CUT TO CREDITS.

This one’s fun and has some unique touches (the aforementioned filtered live-action bit, for example). Tim & Eric get to work with the great Fred Willard! How nice for them! Tom also has a gentlemen’s perm that gets sproinged out when he gets all surprised looking at a wrecking ball swinging his way. That’s very funny. Also, the fake-out ending (they don’t REALLY end the show with the mayor simply poisoning hobos; we cut back from the credits a few times as he elaborates) yields a fun song in “Welcome to Hobo Zoo”.

I don’t count this among my favorites really, though there’s plenty of good. This one has a lengthy Married News Team segment. The TGTTM Married News segments are a little on the rougher side; the main joke of them has always been the awkwardness and the bad editing, but they didn’t really refine it until Awesome Show. There are podding moments in their segments that don’t seem comedically awkward, just awkward awkward. Maybe I’m off base on this, but it’s how I feel revisiting these this time around. I do like that Wayne pops up for no reason during Jan’s weather map segment. Nice of him to do that. 

To be honest, I loved Tom Goes to the Mayor when it was new, and then when Awesome Show came out I barely felt the need to revisit it, citing that there’s only a few great episodes of it at all. But this show is much better than I actually remember it. I know a couple Tim & Eric fans who never saw Tom, and I usually tell them that they’re not missing much. But man, this was a really good, fun, unique show. They really should (Steve Brule voice) let’s check it out.

EPHEMERA CORNER:

MAIL BAG:

Kon: your a real crazy crack smokeing basterd. and your gonna have a great time at college. keep in touch crazy man. PS: I looked at the Re-Birth sex scene again, and it’s honestly real borderline, the only thing in there that could be construed as non-consent is Joy screams at the end of it. But I did not sense an edit point nor an obvious re-instatement of a rapey line the way you described.

Someone mailed you and asked what you meant by swagger jacking so I thought I help you out free of charge. Imagine you are a guy with a lot of swagger. You're hip to the scene and everyone knows it and loves it. And then someone jacks that swagger, and suddenly they are the coolest guy in the room. Boom! That's a swagger jack. RIP John Madden, never lost your swag, never lost your sense of spirit and good tidings. Goodbye FOREVER!

Bye bye!

Please can we put the "adult" back in Adult Swim and stop using brain dead zoomer phrases like "swagger jacking"? That stuff is seriously retarded. And don't try to explain what it even means because I KNOW and will be pissed off if you assume I don't. You're on a thin line with me, don't cross it.

Imagine you are a guy with a lot of swagger. You're hip to the scene and everyone knows it and loves it. And then someone jacks that swagger, and suddenly they are the coolest guy in the room. Boom! That's a swagger jack. 

McDonald's Memories; I was hanging out with two friends and we went to mcdonalds to get a bunch of the cheap hamburgers so we could make a night of it. As we left my one friend who was kind of an all-time asshole was like "watch this" and he unwrapped a burger and whipped it at the glass window as hard as he could.  As we started to run away my other friend incredulously shouted at him, "They made that just for you, idiot". That phrase haunts me to this day. It was so dispiriting.

Honesty remembering the biggest asshole you were ever friends with and thinking of all the times they terrorized somebody that wasn’t you are maybe the best memories in the world. I knew this one kid who once raised his hand in class and said: “Imagine you are a guy with a lot of swagger. You're hip to the scene and everyone knows it and loves it. And then someone jacks that swagger, and suddenly they are the coolest guy in the room. Boom! That's a swagger jack.”

So, Girlie Show. When editor Tom Roche uploaded his tribute to Clay Croker in 2016, he shared an UNCENSORED scene from the episode. Instead of coughing, Zorak actually says "to HELL with your show, you FUCK!" The episode was still rated TV-Y7 for a while, even on Adult Swim I think. Awesome.

EDIT 1/8: Why didn’t my link work? I REPLIED TO THIS, and included the link to the thing. Oh well. It’s still on YouTube go find it.

[peterxwade24]

BWYD Chapter 5

Jon and Kon are Great Cousins, Clark is a Great Uncle

Ladybug ran, forgetting to use her yoyo to swing between buildings, her lungs straining and protesting, her heart pounding in her chest and the tears streaming down her face in thick rivlets. She ran to put as much distance between herself and her family the people who took her in. She ran to push her feelings down.

Ladybug looked up, seeing the red of Uncle Clark’s cape. She quickly wiped at the tears cascading down her cheeks before sniffling. “Uncle Clark!”

Clark looked over his shoulder for whomever just called his name. He saw a tiny red-clad girl, with hair the same colour as his niece’s. He saw the hand pulling away from her face and the wetness clinging to her cheeks. He flew down to her, seeing her expression too filled with hurt to let her be alone. Clark scooped his niece up into his arms and took off, back for Metropolis. He can visit his honorary brother another time.

---

Clark sat his niece down in the foyer, a sad smile on his face.

“Tikki, spots off,” she whispered and in a flash of light where the superhero Ladybug once stood now stood his honorary niece. She looked smaller, without the suit, in her Signal pajamas with the tear tracks down her face.

Lois Lane-Kent walked into the foyer and stopped when she saw their niece. “I thought you were staying over at-”

“I decided the Cupcake was more important.” Clark shot his wife a smile and settled his hands on his niece’s shoulders. “Where are the boys?”

Jon and Conner ran into the foyer, dressed in pajamas, and smiled. “Hi, Dad!” Jon called while Conner slung his arm around his little brother’s shoulders.

Marinette’s eyes filled with tears and she turned away from the boys.

Lois crouched down in front of Marinette, a gentle maternal smile on her face. “What do you think about staying here tonight? Helping me reign in these troublemakers?” Lois smiled wider when the girl nodded. “What do you say we do something different with that hair?”

---

Lois walked into the living room, a smile on her face as her three boys were all acting like they were eleven, Marinette following a step behind her.

“Mom! Conner won’t get off of me!”

“I’m not on you! Those are couch cushions!”

Clark let out a laugh, his eyes glancing over his two sons in a different lifetime, in a different universe maybe he only had one son but he was so grateful that he had two in this one before landing on his wife. He smiled, before he glanced behind her, at the tiny girl who looked so put out. He smiled at her before, suddenly in the blink of an eye, he was picking her up and throwing her onto the couch cushions Conner trapped Jon with.

Marinette let out a squeal and a squeak before suddenly she remembered where she was and squirmed off of the cushions. “I’m so sorry!”

Conner let out a groan before he picked Marinette up and threw her back on top of his brother. “No apologies! Just fun!”

Jon let out a laugh, suddenly breaking free of the couch cushions, and passed his brother a half-hearted glare. “Kon is right,” he threw an arm around the younger girl and smiled, “even if you’re not sure you belong, everyone belongs here.”

Lois ruffled her two sons’ hair, bending to press a kiss to Jon’s forehead before standing on her tiptoes to press a kiss to Conner’s forehead. “These two goofballs are right.”

---

Lois looked into the living room, a gentle smile on her face as she watched her nineteen-year-old adopted son cradle both her eleven-year-old son and her nine-year-old niece while they slept. She turned back to her husband, the father of her two boys, and smiled. Her smile faltered when she thought about Bruce and how worried he must be. “We have to call him. Even if you’re mad at him, he must be worried out of his mi-”

The shrill ringing of Clark’s phone cut Lois off, Lois grabbed his phone before ushering her husband into the kitchen, where she answered the phone.

“Clark! She’s missing! We were stupid and threw a fit and she ran off! You have to help us find her!” Bruce was worried and it was clear in his tone, as was his regret.

“This is Lois. She’s not missing, you were stupid, she’s fine.”

Clark stole his phone from his wife with a kiss to her cheek. “You were so stupid, brother. So damn stupid and insensitive. Do you know what time it is? It’s almost midnight. I was flying over Gotham and she called out to me nearly five hours ago. I was coming to see you but instead, I saw Cupcake, running as hard as she could away from your house with tears running down her cheeks! You were a goddamn idiot Bruce!” He looked at his wife, a scowl on his face. “I swear to my fathers, Jor-el and Jonathan, and my mothers, Lara and Martha, Bruce. If I ever find her with tears in her eyes I will kill you.”

Bruce gasped, “she’s there? She’s safe?”

Lois stole the phone back from her husband and hung up on his brother. “He’s an idiot, but if you get loud again and wake up any of those kids you’ll regret it.”

---

Marinette woke up the next morning, her hair in a loose braid hanging over her shoulder, clad in an old pair of the boys’ pajamas. She sleepily walked through her Uncle Clark’s house towards the kitchen, just like she would do at home the manor. She went through the motions of preparing breakfast; muffins and waffles, and it wasn’t until she couldn’t locate the coffee pot when she realized she wasn’t at home the manor.

“I didn’t think I’d find you here this early,” Conner spoke from the doorway, a small smile on his face. “What’re you doing up this early?”

Marinette turned to look at the boy in the doorway, he was the same age as her brother Tim but he was much taller and broader, and hurried to look away as the longer she looked at him the more she saw some of her brothers. She turned back to the muffins and waffles and nodded.

Jon walked into the kitchen, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “How did Mom wake up before us?”

“I didn’t.” Lois’s voice came from behind her two sons. She let out a light, tinkering laugh and ruffled her sons’ hair.

“Who made food?” Clark’s voice sounded from the opposite doorway before any of the other members of the family could see him. “Smells good.”

---

Lois was sitting in the living room petting Marinette’s hair when someone knocked on their front door. “Conner! Can you get the door?”

“Yeah.” Conner rushed to the door and opened it. His posture took on one of an overprotective brother. “What are you doing here?”

Jon poked his head out of his room before he scowled at whoever was at the door. “What do you think you’re doing here?”

Lois got up off the couch, much to Marinette’s displeasure, and walked into the foyer. “Ah, Bruce.” She rolled her eyes before she looked behind him and saw his five sons. “Ho-”

Damian pushed passed his father, brothers, and Conner. “Get out of my way. I need to see my sister.”

At the sound of Damian's voice, Marinette slid off of the couch and skid around the corner into the foyer. When her blue eyes met his green eyes, she threw herself into her brother’s arms with an exclamation of joy.

Damian wrapped his arms around his sister, and shot his their brothers a glare over her head. “I was so worried about you.”

She let out a giggle, her sapphire eyes meeting his emerald eyes once again. “Jon and Kon and Aunt Lois and Uncle Clark took care of me.”

He nodded before looking over at Jon and Kon. “Thank you for taking care of her.”

---

As soon as the Wayne family arrived at their home, Damian and Marinette retreated to Damian’s room and refused to leave until Alfred came to collect them for supper.

Suffice to say Marinette had her second sleep over in as many days.

@dast218