Safe with You - Regulus Black x potter! reader
a/n: THIS TOOK SO LONG BUT I ABSOLUTELY ADORE IT. (6558 words)
warnings: mention of abuse, smoking, hurt/comfort, kissing, background wolfstar and (barely mentioned) rosekiller
You didnt remember a time where Regulus Black didnt hate you.
Being James Potters younger sibling, most of his friends were also yours, so when sirius started talking about how much he hates his family , including Regulus you didnt question it much, but you never really had anything against him personally.
But it didnt help that, from the beginning of yours and Regulus first year he was pretty much a dickhead. He made it a point to be better than everyone and to tell them so.
That started a rivalry between the both of you. Battleing for top of the class.
All of this only got worse when, in the middle of the winter holidays in your 5th year, Sirius appeared at your doorstep, bleeding and asking for help.
After that point Regulus made sure to show you how much he hated you even more.
You just assumed that he hated you because of your family. Blood-traitors.
In the beginning of your 6th year you had started to sneak away onto the astronomy tower a lot of nights.
It was nice up here. Quiet. You found solitude from the stressful schoolday and your Brother and his friends. You loved them, of course. But it was a lot of pressure. Most people just saw you as James sibling. And they expected you to be like him. It was honestly really exhausting.
Your parents didnt help a lot either. As much as they said they loved you equally, you always felt like James and now Sirius were more important to them. You were just the perfect little sibling. You were quiet and you had good grades so they didnt need to worry much about you. You felt neglected. But you also understood them. James didnt try as much in school, concentraiting more on pranks than homework and Sirius obviously had a lot to deal with because of his past.
So you snuck away when everyone was sleeping. In your pyjamas and a jacket you quiely left the common room and went to he astronomy tower.
When you arrived you didnt pay much attention to your surroundings and so you didnt notice the other person that was sitting against the outside wall of the tower. You had already pulled out the pack of cigarettes that you had nicked from Sirius a week prior and were beginning to light it when you stepped against the railing.
Taking a drag and pulling the cigarette away from your mouth you finally heard shuffling behind you. You quickly turn your head, scared that you're gonna find a prefect, or worse, Filch behind you. But instead you see a boy sitting a few meters away from you, his back to the wall of the tower, his dark hair covering his face.
"Sorry i didnt realize someone was here."
He finally looks up at you and you finally see his face.
"Black? The fuck are you doing here?" Your voice is a mix of confusion and annoyance at he fact that your solitide was disturbed by him of all people.
"I could ask you he same thing Potter." His voice was quiet and annoyed. Like he didnt want to deal with this right now. He sounded exhausted.
And at a second glance he looked it too. He had dark bags under his eyes and if you looked closely you could see a bruise at the side of his face. You didnt remember seeing it earlier during potions class but maybe he had covered it with magic.
You had the urge to comment on it but remembered all the things thatt sirius would tell you about his parents and you had a feeling it had something to do with that. And that was a topic that you were sure wouldnt end well.
So you settled on "You look like shit."
He didnt answer and only looked at you even more annoyed.
Shrugging, you simply looked away from him and lifted your cigarette back to your lips.
Regulus didnt move from his spot, so you assumed that he didnt care much that you were there.
You didnt feel like standing any longer, so you sat against the same wall regulus was sat against, now only a meter between the two of you. afer a few seconds you held out the pack of cigarettes to him .
"want one?"
He took one without a word and you handed him your lighter when he put it beween his lips.
After that the two of you sat in silence looking at the nightsky. After almost 30 minutes of sitting in silence, you slowly moved to stand up.
"Well... I better go to bed. goodnight Black."
You had only taken a step or two when Regulus spoke up for the first time since you got there.
"If you tell anyone i was here, you're dead potter."
You turn to him with a small smile.
"I wont. If i did i would have to tell them that i was here."
With that you left, leaving regulus confused on why you wouldnt want anyone knowing you were there. He left shortly after you did.
That night started a routine of you going up to the tower to find regulus either already there or arriving a few minutes later. You would sit in silence together, smoking a cigarette or two, before leaving again. Neither of you ever talked much.
During the day both of you acted like you always did. Like you werent sitting next to each other in almost friendly silence a few hours prior.
You never told your brother or any of your friends about it.
At some point you had started to talk to him instead of just sitting in silence. Not much. And certainly not anything of sustance. Mostly just complaining about professors and homework. But he never complained about it. He never said anything to be honest. He just sat and listened in silence. This continued almost every night unil the winter holidays.
You were standing on platform 9 3/4 with your family and Sirius, saying goodbye to your parents when you noticed Sirius glaring at something past your head. Turning around you see Regulus and his parents. Regulus looked even more exhausted than usual and even from the distance you could see him tensing up as his father put his hand on Regulus shoulder.
Something had happened over the holydays, you could tell.
James voice ripped you out of your thoughts. "Hey what are you two staring at?"
"Nothing."
You answer immediately, turning back around and hugging your parents one last time.
"Come on or we'll miss the train."
That night during dinner you kept catching yourself looking at Regulus. Each time you seemed to notice a new reason to worry.
First how tense he seemed, then his eyebags, worse than you've ever seen them, how he fully ignored all his friends, how he made sure that his hair was alwas covering his left cheekbone and temple, how he seemed to constantly have a hand holding his ribs.
At one point you cought his eyes, giving him the slightest smile, hoping no one else caught it.
You mouthed 'astronomy tower' hoping that he saw it, before turning back to your friends to answer the question that Marlene had just asked.
That night when you arrived at the tower Regulus was already there, sitting with his back against the wall and his head down, just like he first time you met him there.
But this time when you sat next to him and he looked up at you, you could see the tears in his eyes threatening to fall. Without a word you pulled him into a hug, his head laying against your shoulder, and just held him as his tears finally spilled.
He didnt make a sound, he just silently let his tears fall. And you held him through it.
It took him about 20 minutes before he pulled away from you. He didn dare look into your face, just sitting right next to you staring at the stars.
After a minute or so of you observing his face you finally asked softly.
"What happened?"
He didnt say anything for a few seconds. He didnt react at all. You thought maybe he didnt hear you but right as you opened you mouth to ask again, he finally answered.
"How much has Sirius told you about our family?" His voice was quiet and broken.
"A lot. He's told us pretty much anything they would do to him."
He took a deep breath before he talked again, still refusing to look at you.
"When he was still there, they never really did anything to me. But when he left..." He swallowed "they needed someone else to blame all their problems on. They started to find faults in me. I pretty much became Sirius replacement. When they were angry they let it out on me. The night he left was the worst. I had begged him too stay. But he didnt. He just left me there. And they let all their anger about the situation out on me."
His voice was shaky and quiet. He sounded unsure if he should be telling you this.
You honestly were surprised that he told you this. Even if you had been "hanging out" for almost half a year now. You didnt think he trusted you like this. And he proboaly didnt.
"Regulus.." His name left your mouth in a whisper. You had never called him by his first name before.
Hearing his name out of your mouth finally made him look at you.
You slowly grabbed his hand, squeezing it. "I'm so sorry.."
His gaze drifted from you face to your now joined hands. You expected him to pull his hand away but he just looked away at the stars again.
Neither of you said anything else.
That night was a turning point for both of you.
You stopped being hateful to each other in public. You werent friendly either. It was a silent truce. Your rivalry for top of the class was still there but it was less hateful.
Your nightly meetings slowly turned into talking about feelings. He told you about his friends, the few that were actually decent. Evan Rosier, Barty Crouch jr and Pandora Lestrange. Those were the three that actually semed pretty nice. According to Regulus they didnt really care that much about blood status, Regulus didnt either. He had learned a lot from Sirius perspective, he was just way more scared of their parents, so he hid his opinions.
You told him about your family problems, even though they were miniscule in comparison. About how you always felt like you stood in james shadow.
Over time you and Regulus had come to a point were you honestly considered each other friends.
You still didnt tell any of your friends or you brother about it. You knew they wouldnt take it well.
But all of them noticed a change in you. How you seemed happier.
"Are you dating someone?"
You nearly choked on your food, when Marlene asked that all of the sudden during dinner.
"What?!" All conversation between your friends had halted as they all looked at you expectantly. "No! Why would you think that?"
James looked stupidly relieved at that. He never liked the thought of you dating someone.
It was Sirius that answered your question.
"Oh, c'mon. Even a blind person can see that you act different." You just looked at him confused. so he clarified. "You are so much happier, you constantly smile at nothing, you zone out. You're either dating someone or you have a big fat crush on someone. So go on. Spill."
Your eyes widen in shock. Had you really been that obvious? Yes ,during the past few months you may have developed a little cush on the younger Black. But c'mon that obvious?
But obviously you couldnt tell your friends that. Especially not Sirius and James. They would die of a heart attack on the spot.
"Do you really think if i had a crush on someone i wouldnt tell any of you? Not even Marlene or Lilly?" That was a good safe. Because yes, you usually told the girl pretty much every detail of your life. Even when you had a crush on Remus back in 4th year before you knew that he was gay. And very much in love with Sirius.
Sirius deflated on that. "Yea.. i guess that is true."
They finally picked up their previous conversations and you stole a quick glance at the slytherin table. But instead of Regulus eyes you met those of Evan Rosier.
He had his eyes already on you and winked at you with a sly grin when our eyes met. Next to him Regulus had noticed that exchange and hit Evan in the side with his elbow. You looked at them confused as Regulus angrily whispered something to Evan who just laughed in reply.
Had Regulus told them? You made a mental note to ask him that night.
When your eyes finally went back to your friends you met Remus eyes who just lifted one eyebrow and smiled knowingly at you.
You ignored him and went back to eating.
Later that evening you were sat in the common room doing potions homework when Remus excused himself from the boys to walk over to you. You looked up at him for a second as he sat down next to you before going back to writing.
"You know, at some point they're gonna find out."
"I have no idea what you're talking about Rem." He couldnt know. Right?
"Yea you do. You know, you're lucky that i'm the one that keeps the map most nights."
At that you froze. Your quill a few centimeters over your parchment.
The map.
Shit.
How did you forget about that.
Remus noticed your stressed facial expression.
"They dont know. I havent told them dont worry. " You relaxed a little at that. "But you know its only a matter of time before one of them finds out."
You let out a breath that you didnt realize you were holding before putting down your quill, frowning at the spot of ink on you parchment, that had dripped from the quil.
"How long have you known?"
"Right before The holidays."
"Rem that is so long! Why didnt you tell me that you know?!" You whisper yelled to make sure none of the other boys heard you.
"I wanted you to tell me when you were ready."
Your face softens. Of course. You dont answer.
"Sooooooo... you want to talk about it? He sure has you happy so he clearly cant be that bad." He says with a smile.
"You have no idea." You grin.
That conversation led to an almost 1 hour long talk of you talking about Regulus. How nice he is. How attractive, because god did you find him attractive. You told him about Regulus friends. How you think that at least Evan knows. Why Regulus is actually mad at Sirius. Everything. Because you knew that Remus wouldnt tell anyone. He has always been good at keeping secrets.
"You are so whipped for him, oh my god.." He told you at the end of your rant with a small chuckle.
You felt your face get hot. "Oh fuck off. Like you arent evenly as whipped for Sirius."
"Oh low blow." You just stuck out your toungue at him in response.
Remus then got a little more serious again. "Are you gonna tell him that you like him?"
You bit the inside of your lip. "I dont know Rem. I dont think he likes me like that and i dont wanna destroy something good yk."
"Yea i know what you mean." He looks over at Sirius.
You change the topic slightly. "So, uhh.. take the map tonight?"
He looks back at you with a grin. "Yea i got it. I'm gonna go back to the others. You finish that homework before you leave tonight."
"Yea, yea, whatever."
That night your walk to the astronomy tower is interrupted.
"Oi Potter!" You stop and turn around in surprise to see a ginning Evan Rosier.
"Rosier? What do you want?"
"Oh nothing really" He is a bad liar. "Where're you headed to after curfew?"
You narrow your eyes at him. "I dont see why that is any of your business."
He knows. And you know that.
"Alright fine. I know you're meeting with Reg." You sigh and turn back around to continue your walk to the tower. Evan quickly follows you.
"Listen, Reg kinda let it slip that you guys have been meeting up."
"Okay? That still doesnt answer why youre talking to me right now."
"Well our Reggie seems pretty over the moon with you so i wanted to see for myself. He likes you you know. Like a lot." He is grinning from ear too ear now.
But its what he said that makes you pause in your steps for a second.
"What?"
"Oh yea, boy is smitten." He grins but immediately notices his mistake and his smile drops. "No wait. Forget i said that. You didnt hear anything okay?"
Your face is flushed now. Did Evan just tell you that Regulus likes you? Like... Like liked you?
"Uhm- Right."
"But just hypothetically... if you did hear something.... Would that something be reciprocated or not? Because if it was i wouldnt feel so bad for you hypothetically hearing something."
You dont even know what to say to that. You really didnt want to tell Evan about your crush on Regulus. Sure he trusts Evan but you really didnt know the guy.
"None of your business Rosier." You start walking again, while Evan just stays were he is.
"Im taking that as a yes. Dont tell Reg that i hypothetically told you that. Im not ready to die yet."
"Whatever Rosier!"
Your thoughts are racing. Regulus likes you. Except Evan is just trying to mess with you. But that doesnt seem like something he would do. Atleast not from what Regulus told you.
You are so in thought that you almost dont notice Regulus waiting when you reach the top of the tower.
You only snap out of it when you hear him call your name.
"You good?"
"Hm? Oh yea. Sorry, just thinking." You sit down next to him, like always and pull out your pack of cigarettes. You kept stealing them from Sirius and he kept wondering how they keep dissappearing.
"About?"
"Rosier just talked to me." You werent gonna tell him about the hypothetical thing Evan told you. But you were definetely gonna talk to him about the fact that Evan knew.
"Evan? Why?" He reached over, pulling a cigarette out of your pack without asking.
"He knows?" Was all you answered as you pull your lighter out of your jacket.
Regulus laughed nervously. "Uh- yea, i mightve slipped up on that. Sorry. I swear he wont tell anyone."
"Its fine, you can tell your friends as long as they keep it to themselfs." You lift your lighter to light your own cigarette, when Regulus suddenly leans into your space to light his cigarette at the same time as yours. His face only centimeters away from yours.
You flush. Fuck that was hot. He leans back with a slight grin. He knew exactly what he was doing to you.
"Any of your friends know?" He asks as if he didnt just do that. Fucker.
"Well.. Remus knows. I didnt tell him. He figured it out on his own." You stammer out.
Goddamn it.
"Lupin? Makes sense. Hes smart. He knows everything."
"Yea except for the fact that Sirius is painfully obvious in love with him. Thats the one thing he doesnt seem to notice."
"Wait what?" He seems confused. Shit. Did you just out Sirius to his brother? You thought he knew.
"Did- Did you not know Sirius is gay?"
"No, that much is obvious." Oh thank god. "I meant, Those two arent a couple?"
That makes you laugh.
"No! They've been in love with each other for years but are the only ones that havent realized it yet."
Regulus is both surprised and amused by that information.
"They had me fooled. I thought they've been together for forever." He's barely holding back his laughter.
"Nope just incedibly dense. Both of them."
Neither of you can stop the laughter at that point.
You think that this might be the most genuine laughter and smile you've ever seen from Regulus.
Your laughter dies down a little as you look at him. His head thrown back, eyes closed and mouth open in a bright grin as he laughs. He looks beautiful.
You just stare for a few seconds, with a soft smile on your face.
He stops laughing and notices your staring.
"What?" He asks, smile still on his face.
"You're Beautiful." You answer without thinking about it.
When you see his pale face flush a light pink shade in surprise you realize what you just said and look away in embarrassment.
"I- Uh- I mean.." Fuckfuckfuck. Why did you just say that. Its true yea, but still. Oh my god. You are such an idiot.
"So are you." Those three words are all it takes for your rambling thoughts to dissapper fully.
Brain empty.
You look back at him. His face is still a little pink but he has a little smile adorning his lips.
You dont know what to answer so you just stare in silence. Evans words from earlier come back to your mind.
Well our Reggie seems pretty over the moon with you ,so i wanted to see for myself. He likes you you know. Like a lot.
FUCK. You are a goner at this point.
Luckily for you Regulus seems to notice your inner turmoil and changes the conversation to something easier without a second thought.
"So, did you finish that potions homework yet?"
You are honestly thankful thatt he is just able to do that. Make you think about something else.
But for the rest of the night, hell for the rest of the week all you can think about is that moment.
The next day all your friends can tell that you are even more in thought than usual but they know better than to press on it.
Except for Remus. Between classes he pulls you aside to ask what happened. You tell him everything.
From Evans slip up to Regulus calling you beautiful.
"Thats great! To me thats a clear sign that he likes you too."
"But Rem what if i'm misinterpreting?!"
"You literally have confirmation from his best friend."
You dont have more time to talk about it because both of you have to get to your next classes.
But you keep thinking about the whole thing.
You could tell that something had changed between Regulus and you. Not in a bad way, you dont think.
You caught him looking at you more often. During meals, during class, during your meetings. You noticed because you were also looking at him more often.
Eye contact for a few seconds to long and smiling before one of you would look away.
This went on for about two weeks. How often had you thought about kissing him during those two weeks? You had lost count.
Then one night, Regulus had just made a joke that you had both laughed at for far to long, and when you finally stopped you realized how close you faces had gotten.
Regulus had noticed too.
You were staring at each other, you eyes flicking from his eyes to his lips and back up. Your tongue darting out to wet your lips in a nervous tick as you caught his eyes looking at your lips too.
You subconciously moved even closer, noses now centimeters away from brushing against each other.
Regulus is the one that asks in almost a whisper "Can I kiss you?"
You cant get any words out so you simply nod your head ever so slightly.
Regulus leans towards you, closing the gap between you in a soft kiss.
Its not heated, not rushed, its slow, soft and full with emotions.
Its perfect.
When you part, neither of want to fully pull back. Your noses still almost touching.
After a few second you gain your voice back and admit in a whisper.
"I really like you Regulus"
"Merlin I would hope so." He answers with chuckle. "I like you too."
You lean in to kiss him again.
And again.
The rest of that night included a lot more kisses. As well as a talk about what you you were to each other. You were glad about that. Not knowing would have killed you probably.
You both came to the conclusion that you wouldnt be telling people (Except the ones that you trusted) but that you are in fact dating.
You wished that you could stay like that all night but unfortunately both of you needed sleep.
"Goodnight Reg"
You kissed him one more time before starting to walk away, his hand in yours as long as you could.
"Goodnight mon cherie." You smiled to yourself all the way back to your dorm.
The next morning Remus knew. He just knew it from one look at you. You were honestly so glad that he knew and you were able to tell him everything.
The last few months until summer went well. Hang outs, kisses and talking. Regulus also at some point properly introduced you to Evan. Honestly the two of you hit it of really well.
The closer summer got, the more nervous both you and Regulus got.
He would have to go back to his parents and you wouldnt be able to write each other without his parents asking questions.
You spent the last night before summer in eachothers arms, telling him to be careful. You didnt want to part from each other but reluctantly did so right before sunrise with a long, loving kiss.
That morning both of you kept stealing glances at each other, Remus doing his best to ease your worries.
On the platform you barely had enough time to see Regulus dissappear with his parents.
"You coming?" You turned around at James question.
"Yeah."
The first half of the summer was pretty uneventful, even though you still worried about Regulus.
For the second half, Remus had joined your family.
A week later you were helping your mother prepare dinner when you heard a soft knock on your front door.
Confused you turned toward Euphemia.
"Are we expecting someone mum?"
"Not that i know of. Would you mind checking who it is darling?"
"Sure." You quickly put down the plate you were previously holding and went to answer the door.
On the other side was the last person you expected to see.
"Reggie?" Your voice filled with worry and almost a whisper.
Regulus looked bad. Almost worse than Sirius when he appeared at your doorsttep a year and a half prior. He was bleeding and bruised, and looked like he was minutes away from keeling over.
His eyes met yours, filled with tears that were steadily flowing down his cheeks.
"I didnt know were else to go..." His voice was hoarse like he had been screaming and shaky from crying.
Before he had even finished his sentence he had stepped towards you, nearly falling into your arms. You hugged him back while pulling him back into the house with you with a small "cmon..".
Inside you let go of him, carefully guiding him into the living room and onto your couch only stopping near the kitchen to yell to your mother.
"Mum! We need the healing kit!"
Your mother immediately stuck her head out the kitchen door to see what was going on.
"Oh dear." She quickly left to get the kit.
Meanwhile you had carefully sat Regulus onto your couch,sitting next to him and holding his hand, scared that hugging would hurt him. You didnt need to ask what had happened. That much was pretty obvious.
"Regulus." You urged him to look at you with a small squeeze of your hand. "Hey.. Its gonna be okay. Your safe now. I promise."
He didnt answer but layed his forehead onto your shoulder and squezed you hand back. He was still crying although not as hysterically anymore.
Euphemia entered the room, healing kit in hand and carefully sat infront of Regulus on the floor. You had done this before so she knew to be careful as not to scare him.
"Regulus right?" Her voice was soft and quiet as if she was talking to a scared animal. He didnt react so you nodded at your mother to confirm that she had the right name.
"Regulus, I'm gonna heal you now. But i have to touch you for that. Is that alright with you?"
Regulus nodded ever so slightly with his head still against your shoulder. Euphemia caught the slight movement and immediately started to examine the extent of his injuries before starting to heal them one by one. It would take a while and she wouldnt be able to heal all of them fully right that moment. It had been the same with Sirius.
You quietly soothed him through all of it. Continuing to hold his hand, your thumb stroking over the back of his hands while you whispered comforting words into his ear.
Unfortunately in the middle of all this our brother and Sirius had decided to make their entrance.
"Hey mum, is dinner almost ready?" James asked while he and Sirius came down the stairs.
But before Euhemia could answer you heard both boys exclaim at the same time.
"What the fuck??!"
"Regulus?!"
Both of you looked up at them at the same time. Regulus face still stained with tears and blood.
Sirius made his way over in a instant, sitting beside your mother and grasping Regulus other hand in his bigger ones. His eyes were filled with worry. Of course they were. Even if him and Regulus werent on good terms, he was still his brother. And seeing him like that made him fall back into that role within seconds.
"Shit, what happened?? Did they..??" He didnt finish his sentence. He didnt have to. Because he also knew.
Regulus started tearing up again and turned his head towards you to try and hide it.
You instantly hugged him against you in comfort, your second hand reaching up to the back of his head to cradle it against the junction of your neck and shoulder.
"Sssh, its okay Reg." Your face pressed against the side of his head a told him that.
Your eyes met James over Regulus head. He just stood there perplexed. Not only was Regulus fucking Black bleeding in his living room, but he also cuddled up close to his sister like they were close.
You knew that you had a lot of explaining to do later, but right now you had different priorities.
So you ignored James and continued talking to Reglulus in a quite voice to help him calm down, occasionally pressing little kisses to his temple and hair.
When your mother was done, she slowly got up. "I'll leave you guys alone for a bit. If you need something just call."
She left the room at the same time as Remus entered, having come down to see what was taking the boys so long.
Remus quickly hid his surprise at the fact that Regulus was here and simply asked "Is he okay?".
You simply looked at him and said "He will be."
After that you all sat in silence for a few minutes, only disruted by Regulus quiet sniffeles.
When he had finally calmed down again he still refused to let go of you.
Remus was the first to speak up.
"I think he should take a shower, get all that blood of him. Prongs, Padfoot, wait in the kitchen well join you in a minute."
Both boys started to protest but Remus wasnt having it and herded them to the kitchen looking back at you for a second.
" I got it Rem."
You helped Regulus up, guiding him to the bathroom.
Once you were there you closed the door behind you and turned towards Regulus.
He grabbed you by your hips and pulled you towards him. Being close to you always comforted him.
You reached up to carefully hold his face in your hands.
"Are you okay?" Worry was evident in your eyes and voice.
"Now that im with you i will be." He answered quietly, leaning down to lay his forehead against yours, his eyes closed.
Your quiet moment was interrupted by a knock on the door.
"Hey." Remus. "Can i come in? I got you some clothes."
You pulled away from Regulus and opened the door, stepping aside slightly so Remus could hand Regulus the stack of dark clothing.
"They're Sirius, so the should fit you." He then looked at you. "They have a lot of questions. You should come downsairs and talk to them."
You sigh. This was what you were scared of. "Okay, I'll be down is a few."
Remus nodded and sent one last smile at the two of you before leaving.
You turned towards Regulus again. "Do you need help with anything or are you good?"
"I think im good" And then quieter. " Thank you. You dont understand how much all of this means to me."
You smile at him and step closer to press a small kiss to his lips. "Of course. Im here for you. Always." Before leaving him to shower, closing the door behind you.
You take a deep breath before beginning your way to the kitchen. Halfway there you could already hear your brother.
"Why are you so calm about this Moony?! Did you know?!"
"Prongs will you calm down?"
"No-"
All conversation halted when you entered the kitchen, all eyes turning to you.
James looked both confused and near furious and Sirius just looked confused. Like he wasnt sure what to make of the whole situation yet.
"Explain." Is all James said as he said down at the table and pointed at the chair across from him.
You said down and so did Sirius next to James, and Remus, next to you.
"After summer last year, I've started to go to the astronomy tower at night. Just for some peace and quiet, away from everything you know.
One night he was there too. A few days after school start. He didnt really say anything. We just sat together. He didnt look good. Like, really tired and he had this giant bruise on his face. He had it hidden during the day, but that night i saw it. I didnt say anything about it, but i knew it was from his parents.
After that night we just kept meeting there. We didnt talk, we really just sat in silence with each other. At some point i started to tell him about my day. He never said anything but he also kept coming."
You looked from James betrayed eyes down to your hands that layed intertwined with each other on the table.
"Then after christmas break, he looked so much worse than before. And that night he broke down. And he told me everything. About his parents. And how much worse the got after Sirius left."
Your eyes flicked to Sirius face. Guilt written all over it.
"After that we just started talking to each other. About anything. He even introduced me to a few of his friends. They're honestlyy really nice. They dont support their parents ideas really. And a few months ago..."
You looked at Remus. His expression encouraging you to continue.
Fuck it. Just rip of the bandaid.
"A few months ago we kissed and we've kinda been dating since then." Your eyes were glued to a little scratch in the surfice of the table. Refusing to meet James or Sirius glances.
"WHAT?!"
"Prongs. Calm down. I think they're good for each other. Its their life. Not yours." Thank merlin that Remus exists. You didnt know what you would do without him.
"How long have you known about is Moony?!"
Remus looked down for a second before meeting James eyes again. "Right before christmas."
James was about to answer something probably dumb, when Sirius suddenly turned towards you.
"I cant believe you wouldnt tell me you were in a relationship."
You chuckled nervously. "Thats the part that bothers you about this?"
"YES! And also I'm trying to focus on something that isnt the fact that your DATING MY LITLE BROTHER... so i dont freak out." You could tell that he was really trying.
"Im sorry i didnt tell you. I was just worried how you would react." You said apologetically.
"For good reason." Remus mumbled making you smile slightly.
James face softened. "Well.. as much as i dont agree with this. And i dont. For the record. Remus is right. Its your life. But if he tries to pull something you tell me alright? And ill take care of it."
"Oi thats my little brother your talking about!" That made you smile. At least they're trying. "But seriously, if he tries something you tell us."
"He wont. But thank you." You smile at them. Remus laying his hand on your shoulder making you look over at him.
Then Sirius half joking, half serious voice makes you look at him again.
"But seriously my brother? Why? Out of everyone."
"Wow Sirius. I feel kind of attacked." At the sound of Regulus voice you quickly turn around.
He stood a meter behind your chair , black hair wet and tousled, his tall slim frame clad in a pair of black sweatpants and a black sabbath shirt.
"Reg. How're you feeling?" Your voice was still filled with worry even though Regulus already looked a lot better. You held your hand out towards him, beconing him closer.
He took your hand, walking over to sit in the open chair to your left. Remus being on your right.
"Better." He said a soft smile on his face, as he just looked at you for a moment.
You smiled back at him before saying "I think we should get mum back and finish making dinner. You hungry?"
"Starving." It sounded like a joke but honestly with his parents you could never know.
"Remus, make sure they're being civil okay?" You spoke as you got up, squeezing Regulus shoulder in passing. "I'll be right back."
Just as you left the room you could hear Sirius whine. "Moony we're always civil! I dont know what they mean."
"Yea yea Padfoot whatever you say." You could pracicaly hear the adoring smile in Remus voice.
Surprisingly when you came back with your mother, no one was dead.
Your mother had pulled both you and James with her to help with the food, giving him the perfect oppertunity to keep asking you annoying questions about you and Regulus.
Remus offered to set the table, giving Sirius and Regulus a chance to talk. Something they hadnt properly done in years. You didnt hear what they said but it ended in a hug so at least it was good.
Dinner was kind of awkward. Your Dad having to quickly be filled in on what happened when he arrived in the kitchen.
Regulus was given the guest room to sleep in, Remus had been sleeping in James and Sirius room anyways. So when you were sure he three boys were in bed you snuck into the guest room, cuddling up with Regulus under the blanket.
"I saw you speaking with Sirius earlier." He hummed in reply, his face hidden in your hair, his left arm around your waist, holding you close to him.
"Did you talk everything out?" You turn slightly in his hold so you could look a him. Your faces now right infront of each oher.
"Not everything. Thats gonna take a while. But he apologized. Its a start." His voice was low and tired.
" Thats good. I know how much you both missed each other." Again he simply hummed in response.
"I think we should sleep." You say with a grin. "You're barely awake anyway." Another hum.
You lean forward for a soft kiss. He kissed back. "Goodnight mon cherie."
You smile. "Sleep well Reggie."
He cuddled back into you, his face against your neck, arms holding you close, legs tangled with yours.
You smile at his almost asleep form.
He was okay.
He was safe.
And he was yours.
And maybe. Just maybe. You would be okay.
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i'll stay in the pool and drown (so i don't have to watch you leave)
description: in which Sirius runs away and Regulus is left to deal with his emotions alone.
relationship: james potter x regulus black
warnings: mentioned child abuse + neglect, angst, hurt/comfort, not much jegulus more focused on reg and sirius. not a warning but i love pandora sm
word count: 3,806
requested: no but it tied for first in the poll
note: inspired by me listening to tv by billie eilish on loop (title lyric is so regulus coded). some mutuals will know allll about my little spiral and how it included a lotttt of tv by billie. oops. this is very angsty and possibly a reflection of my mental state rn but uh… sorry??? also this is totally unedited as always oops. also there’s not really much jegulus but the stuff that's there is fluffy. It’s mainly regulus and sirius being siblings and regulus centred angst bc i love him. a bit of sirius focused angst snuck in at the end and i didn't plan that but i love him soooo. again. i'm sorry. this is almost 4k words of pure angst. so.
ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/54978655
marauders taglist: (lmk if you want to be added or removed) @lovefolder @gu1lty-as-sin @dandelions-fly-in-summer-skies @a-beautiful-fool @optimizedchaos @qwerty-keysmash @lost-in-reveriie @tulips-best @nqds
Regulus supposed that deep down, he had always known how everything would turn out. Sirius was always going to leave him, it was an unavoidable fact. Some things were simply written in the stars, irreversible parts of life that could not be changed by mere mortals meddling around with them. But just because it was fixed in stone, just because it was fate, didn’t stop Regulus from being completely and utterly destroyed by the mere concept.
Sirius had been the only true constant in his life.
He had been there when Regulus was five and their mother had looked at him with true resentment in her eyes and slapped him across the face for the first time. He had held the younger boy in his arms and ran his fingers through his hair, both boys shaking with fear as tears rolled down their cheeks.
He had been with Regulus when he was eight and Orion had verbally abused him for merely interacting with a muggleborn. Sirius had sat down with Regulus and ensured that he had known that nothing he had done was wrong. After Reggie had understood this, they snuck to the kitchen and stole a jar of cookies to eat while the two hid in Sirius’ room.
He had been there when Regulus was nine, his parents locking him in his room with no food for two days because he had freed one of their house elves. Sirius had sat outside Regulus’ door for the whole time, whispering to him and slipping food through the gap under the bed. They had sat in silence, neither finding anything to say that could possibly improve the situation. But silence or not, being there together made them both feel immensely better.
Sirius leaving for Hogwarts was one of the worst years of Regulus’ life—he knew Sirius would be back, though, and that’s what kept him counting the days.
Once Regulus came to Hogwarts, him and Sirius had seemed to drift apart slightly. This didn’t hurt as much as Regulus had anticipated it would, because he now had friends. He had Pandora, Evan, Barty, and Dorcas. Sometimes he had Sirius too, but Sirius was popular; he didn’t need to cling to his brother like he once had. Regulus didn’t miss the lingering glances in hallways, but he never really took any specific notice of them. He assumed that if Sirius had wanted to speak to him, he would have.
In the summer holiday after Regulus’ first year, the brothers had reconnected. They grew closer than ever, and although they still didn’t speak much at school when they finally returned, there was no doubting the love between them.
Sirius had always been there. Whether he was actually present in the moment or just in Regulus’ head, he was always by his side in his heart. But then, during the Christmas holidays of the year when Sirius turned sixteen, something seemed to change. Sirius’ fights with their parents became more and more frequent, going from happening twice a week to twice a day. He stopped being around as often, crashing at James’ house a few times a week. Regulus was holding his breath, knowing that if he stepped out of line even the slightest bit, one of his parents would snap and everything would take a turn for the worse.
He was also spending an increasing amount of time at Pandora’s house, her sweet nature a much preferred option to the feeling of walking on eggshells in his own home. Evan was there most of the time, and where Evan was, so was Barty. Every once in a while they’d manage to drag Dorcas away from Marlene and get the whole group together, but that was rather rare. It was nice, though, spending time together without the pressure of school. It ensured that Regulus understood that they actually wanted to be around him, something he had struggled with for as long as he could remember.
One thing Regulus knew was that if asked who his best friend was, he would say Pandora without hesitation. He never doubted her genuinity, which soothed a lot of his anxiety and helped him put things into perspective. Regulus needed to know that he was wanted, and Pandora never hesitated to reassure him. The two had just had the Rosier house to themselves, Barty and Evan on a date and Pandora and Evan’s parents out for a dinner party. Music softly playing off Pandora’s record player she had bought at a muggle thrift store, the two sat on her bed eating chocolate brownies and talking about what some would consider nothing but was everything to them. They had been doing this for about six hours when Regulus decided that he should probably head home to avoid his parent’s anger at him for being late.
Regulus got home and knew before he even stepped in the door that something was terribly wrong. Slowly and cautiously opening the door, Regulus held his breath as he stepped inside. The house was eerily silent, no whispers of paintings or hurried footsteps of houselves, let alone not a single sign of human life. Exhaling softly, he quietly shut the door and attempted to walk down the hallway without making a sound–which turned out to be easier said than done. The eyes on the paintings followed his every move, not once losing focus on him. He raised his hand to his forehead and pushed some stray hairs out of his eyes before making his way up the stairs to his room. He went three steps at a time, eyes fixed on the floor as the nervous lump in his throat simply grew. After what felt like an eternity, he made it to his room. His hand closed around the cold metal doorknob and he exhaled shakily. Turning the door handle, he stepped into his room before pausing. He turned, eyes landing on the door to Sirius’ room. Sighing softly, he closed his door and made his way across the hall to the door of his brother’s room.
He knocked softly.
No reply.
“Sirius?”
He knocked again, slightly louder this time.
Still, nothing.
“Sirius, can I come in?”
There was no response. Regulus sighed, slumping down on the floor, leaning back against the door and letting his head knock against the wood. He chucked. “Doesn’t this remind you of something?”
Once again, nothing. He didn’t really know what he had expected.
“Sirius, I don’t mind if you don’t want to talk to me. I won’t be offended. Can I just come in and make sure you’re okay? Please?”
The silence that followed ached painfully in Regulus’ ears.
“I’m going to take your silence as a confirmation that I can come in.”
The only sound that broke the silence was Regulus’ sigh. He stood up, opening the door of Sirius’ room and glancing around slowly. It was messier than usual. Sirius wasn’t a tidy person, but he wasn’t this messy. Clothes covered every inch of the ground and one drawer of his chest of drawers had almost fallen right out of the frame. His bed was a sorry excuse of being made, covers and sheets falling off to the point where they were more on the floor than the bed itself. There was no Sirius to be seen.
“I guess he’s spending the night at James’ again.”
He turned to leave before pausing. He grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and started writing.
Hi, Siri.
I assume you’re at James’, and I hope you’re okay.
I miss you, by the way. Maybe we could hang out when you get home back.
Reg
Regulus liked James—possibly a little too much —so he knew his brother was in good hands. He just wished he could see him.
Two days later, Sirius wasn’t back. It was now pretty obvious to Regulus that he was not going to be back. Sirius had left .
Left him. Sirius had left him.
He couldn’t quite believe it. He had spent five hours last night simply sitting on Sirius’ bed, wishing he was still there. The emotions he was feeling were not quite describable, but if he was in a state where he could think of the words matching these emotions, he’d probably say he felt betrayed, lost, and hurt. Of course, he would never actually say that. Regulus wasn’t one to express his emotions. One thing that Regulus understood was that he felt no form of anger towards his brother. He recognised why Sirius had left, and he thought it was very understandable. What he hated was being left. He was alone in this horrendously big house and he didn’t even have it in him to talk to Pandora about it.
Regulus had never felt comfortable sharing his feelings. He assumed this was due to his parents pushing them away whenever he had tried to tell them anything at all.
Regulus knew he’d be okay. He didn’t need other people to survive, he never had.
Three weeks later, Pandora showed up at his bedroom door with a box of chocolates and a mission. She was determined to get him outside and out of the bedroom he was rotting in if it was the last thing she did. Regulus knew he was lucky to have a friend like her, but he wanted nothing more than to sit in his bedroom for the rest of his life. Part of him knew this was unhealthy, but part of him just didn’t want to show his face to the silent house he was residing in.
Pandora would do anything to make Regulus feel okay, and she was well aware that to do this she would have to take him to Sirius, but they would cross that bridge when the time was right. First, she had to carefully shake him out of his shell of self destruction, reminding him that there were people who cared for him.
Pandora sat on his bed, looking at him with soft eyes that he avoided at all costs. “Reg… Reg, look at me.”
He didn’t, but that didn’t stop Pandora from softly cupping his head in her hands. “Regulus, I have been your best friend for five years. I know something’s wrong—and you don’t have to tell me. Just come to my house with me, Merlin knows you need to get out of this house, and Barty and Evan are out. You don’t have to talk to anyone you don’t want to talk to.”
Now Regulus looked up Ever so slowly, he leaned in to rest his head on his best friend’s shoulders, not speaking but his eyes holding more meaning than his words at this moment possibly could.
After ten minutes of simply being in each other's presence, Regulus spoke. “Can we get out of this house?”
Pandora nodded, helping him up. “My house?”
“I don’t mind.”
“Would you rather be alone or do you mind seeing everyone else?”
“Where are they?”
“I think they’re at Marlene’s house.”
Regulus was not close to Marlene. He didn’t know much about her, in all honesty, but because her and Dorcas were practically attached by the hip, he assumed that she was nice. And to tell the truth, Regulus needed to see his friends. He paused before muttering.
“I want to see everyone.”
“Alright.”
Much to his relief, the mood of the hangout didn’t change vividly when he arrived. He noticed Barty and Evan shared a soft glance between them, and Dorcas gave him a quick hug that was noticeably more gentle than usual, but the conversation stayed as lively as it had been before he arrived. Regulus allowed himself to lean into Pandora’s side, twirling her long hair between his fingers. She continued talking to Dorcas as her right arm embraced Regulus into her side. Regulus didn’t speak much, but no one expected him to.
As comforting and grounding as it was, it wasn’t what he needed. Regulus needed reassurance, he needed affirmations that he wasn’t the reason his brother had left. And the only person who could truly give him this confirmation was Sirius himself. He felt guilty about this; Pandora was doing more than she had to do and he couldn’t feel the amount of gratitude he knew he should be feeling. He must have stiffened, because his best friend looked down at him with an amount of gentleness that made him feel alarmingly close to tears. He felt impossibly small, looking down at his hands and fixing his gaze on the golden sun ring he always wore as he tried to regulate his breathing.
Marlene looked at him curiously from where she sat on the dark red couch across the room. She cautiously glanced at Dorcas before speaking. “I know where Sirius is if you want to see him.” That was possibly the most Marlene had ever said to him. Regulus stared at her blankly for a moment, before nodding slowly.
“Yeah, uh. That sounds nice.” his voice was impossibly weak, and he might have been embarrassed had he had any awareness of himself at this moment. But he felt like a shell of himself, he wasn’t really there.
“Okay. We probably shouldn’t all go, it might be overwhelming. So–”
“I’ll come.” Pandora spoke, much to Regulus’ relief. Despite not feeling entirely complete with her affection and care, he appreciated it. It was a kind of foreign concept to him, the genuine adoration she had for him. He had never witnessed that in his family, let alone experienced it himself. He smiled shakily at her and she squeezed his hand reassuringly.
The trip to find Sirius was quiet, but no one seemed to mind. When they were about halfway there, Regulus’ heart leapt as he had a sudden realisation. They were on their way to James’ house. On second thought, it made sense. James Potter was Sirius’ best friend, he wasn’t sure why he was so alarmed by this fact. When they arrived at the house, Regulus took a deep breath. He was overwhelmed by the emotions of this moment, the concept of seeing Sirius for the first time in two and a half weeks and being back at James’ house was causing his head to spin. He hadn’t seen James in almost a month and it was achingly evident from the heavy feeling in his heart.
Walking through the door, the first thing he saw was Sirius’ black Doc Martens sitting next to a few pairs of dirty converse beside the doormat. James’ converse. He swallowed. The first thing he heard was Sirius’ voice from a few rooms away, which almost made him do a double take. Marlene walked further into the house after quickly kicking off her red converse, and Regulus followed soon after. Pandora kept her distance behind the two, not wanting to intrude on the moment—this consideration once again reminding Regulus how deeply he loved her.
Marlene glanced back to make sure Regulus was behind her, smiling gently at him before walking into the Potter’s living room. James looked up instantly, eyes widening a fraction as he took in the boy standing in the doorway. He clearly didn’t think his words through before blurting, “Reg?”
Sirius stopped talking, whirling around with wide, panicked eyes. “Regulus?”
Regulus desperately searched in his brother’s eyes for a sign that he could go hug him, that he could say something, that he could walk further into the room. There was a certain element of distress in Regulus’ eyes as he seeked the affirmation he so desperately needed. Sirius seemed to be in shock, and it was clear to James that he would not be affirming his brother’s doubts any time soon. He wanted to, of course he did—James was well aware that Sirius loved Regulus more than anything in his entire world. So James spoke up, saying possibly the most awkward thing he could have said in this situation.
“Do you want a cup of tea?”
Regulus seemed to do a double take, but he nodded. He hadn’t considered that in order to make the cup of tea, James would have to leave the room. And James leaving the room meant Regulus and Sirius being the only ones in the room. He was unaware of this fact until James left the room, throwing a sweet, gentle smile over his shoulder. Regulus felt alarmingly alone without him there, his eyes darting from Sirius to the wall to the floor to Sirius again to his hands. He didn’t want to stare; if there was one thing that his parents had succeeded in, it was raising their youngest son with impeccable manners. No matter how good his manners were, his parents had failed to teach him how to deal with his anxiety. He fiddled with his hands, twirling the gold ring on his index finger around slowly for about a minute before finally looking up again.
This time, Sirius was looking at him too. The older brother seemed to understand that Regulus was not going to be the one to start this conversation, so he sighed and sat down, patting the spot on the couch next to him. Regulus sat, decidedly further away from Sirius than Sirius had gestured for, but Sirius didn’t seem to mind—if he did, he had the decency to stay silent. It would be hypocritical for Sirius to get upset about Regulus not sitting next to him on the couch after leaving him alone with their parents for two and a half weeks.
“I’m sorry,” Sirius eventually spoke.
Regulus said nothing, so Sirius shakily continued. “I didn’t want to leave you. It’s just– it just– it was too much. They were too much, you know?”
“They always have been.” Regulus mumbled softly.
“And they said something about Moony.”
Of course they did.
Sirius sighed, “he told me off for leaving you though. Said I should have bought you with me.”
“You should have.”
“I know.”
Just as the two brothers fell into an awkward silence, James walked in with a small grin on his face. “Okay, so, I think I remembered pretty well how you like your tea.”
Sirius looked between the two as James passed Regulus the mug, watching how their fingertips brushed and a smile graced Regulus’ lips. Regulus didn’t like milk or sugar in his tea, something that Sirius had always wrinkled his nose at. James took his tea far sweeter than Reg did, but he was more than happy to make it exactly to Regulus’ tastes if that was what would make him happy. “It’s perfect. I can’t believe you remembered.”
“How could I not?”
It was then that Sirius’ eyes fell to their hands, noticing that Regulus’ gold ring was a sun symbol and James wore a silver star one. This was a contrast to both of their usual jewellery colours, the gold earrings in James’ ears suddenly a lot more obvious than they had been minutes ago. Sirius silently watched the interactions between the two and swallowed slowly.
Sirius had this burning need to be loved, to be appreciated, to be the favourite. Regulus was his parents’ favourite son, and although he acted like this didn’t faze him, it stung. Sirius had introduced Reg to Barty and Evan, and now the three were inseparable. Sirius didn’t even talk to the two Slytherins anymore. Remus loved Regulus, the two had bonded over things that Sirius couldn’t even begin to understand—and he knew it was stupid. He knew that Remus looked at him like he had literally hung the stars, but there was this underlying jealousy of the fact that his brother got along with everyone without even trying. Regulus didn’t want to get along with people, he’d be quite happy spending his days whispering with Pandora and basking in his own company.
Was Regulus more likeable? More manageable? That had to be it. Sirius was too much for people. Sirius was too much for everyone.
And now, his best friend was snogging his brother behind his back. It wasn’t that he was bothered by their relationship, he didn’t care who Regulus dated as long as they didn’t hurt him—and James would never hurt him.
James was, theoretically, perfect for Regulus. They balanced each other out, much like Sirius and Remus. James was the Yang to his Yin, the base to his acid, the light to his dark. And perhaps it was the fact that the two fit together so naturally that bothered him. Perhaps it was the inherent jealousy of Regulus always being better than him at everything. Regulus had Sirius’ best friend looking at him with pure, soft adoration in his eyes, and Sirius couldn’t even deny how much sense they made together.
In his heart, Sirius knew how much love James had for him. James was one of those people who did not ration out the love and care he gave people, he was overflowing with genuine devotion and love, not hesitating to shower those around him with it. And Sirius knew that the two of them had the strongest friendship he had ever had and likely ever would. He knew it wasn’t going to change. Merlin, with how James gazed at Regulus, Sirius predicted that whatever they had had been going on for at least five months. And those five months had not changed how James had acted with Sirius, their friendship was as codependent as ever.
Sirius knew that James had enough love for both of them. He knew that the love that James could give was exactly what Regulus needed. Sirius knew that these feelings had been drilled into his mind by how his parents had treated him, but his parents weren’t here now. Sirius knew that this trauma ran deep, however, and it would take a while for him to come to terms with this relationship.
Regulus could tell from the look in his eyes that he had figured it out. It didn’t bother him, the only reason he and James hadn’t mentioned it to anyone was due to the complications with their families and how difficult it was to actually see each other regularly. Offering a soft smile to Sirius, Regulus leaned into his brother’s side. Sirius froze up for a moment, glancing at James as his eyes widened. James smiled tenderly at the two before getting up and leaving the room to wherever Marlene and Pandora were.
Slowly, Sirius relaxed, and Regulus almost breathed a sigh of relief. “I missed this.”
Sirius hummed, “I missed you more than you know, little star .”
Sighing, Regulus closed his eyes. Sirius may never be the constant in his life he had once been, but as long as he was part of it, Regulus couldn’t complain.
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