#people can change their minds when they receive new information | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

gureumz · 10 months

Text

wide open

rating: explicit

member: heeseung

premise: forced to marry a dictator king of a nearby kingdom, you're advised to shut up and take whatever king heeseung gives you and give him everything you have in return. in truth, you'd rather kill yourself than be married to this monster, but he has a way of changing people's minds

notes: fem!reader, dom!heeseung, royalty au, very slight angst, marriage of convenience/forced marriage, hate-ish sex, breeding, mentions of impregnation, use of pet names, unprotected sex, strangers to sort-of-lovers, mentions and descriptions of death and injury, lmk if i missed anything!

a/n: sixth and final entry for my 1k follower special! this is the end for my two-month 1k event! i'm so thankful for the love this received and i'm excited to start my new series/anthology! i can't wait to write your other requests as well and bring you more stories you can enjoy!

it's making your stomach churn.

the way your father looks at you right now, as if he's sorry but not really. apologetic only because shouting in delight would hardly seem appropriate at a time like this.

you can practically see the sparkle in the East king's eyes.

"the decree says so," your father says with a sigh like he regrets to inform you of such news. you bite down on your tongue to keep yourself from flinging the pewter cup filled with wine in front of you at him.

"the decree can say one thing but we can do exactly the opposite of it," you challenge, balling your fists in your lap. your father turns to you sharply.

"and then what, my love?" your father coos condescendingly. "race to see which one of our heads rolls off the gallows first when the new king of the West chops them off?"

you stare at your father, clad in his deep velvet garb, the lines on his forehead pronounced in the flickering firelight in his solar. you feel your whole face stiffen as you stare back at the spitting image of yourself, the exact source of the flame raging within you. you love your father and you know him. know him enough that it's no use arguing with him now. he would fling whatever words you had right back at you with double the force.

"you're lucky he didn't snatch you in the dead of night once he proclaimed victory," your father presses on. "you're lucky he's being diplomatic about it, issuing decrees so that all the four kingdoms are bonded legally to his whims."

"it hardly feels lucky being the sole maiden of royal blood fit enough to wed him," you spit back, turning away.

you hear your father lets out a breath and you can feel him walk away towards the large window that adorns the north side of his solar. you watch as he gazes out the glass panes, his back to you.

"he's a strapping young man, a talented general as he's proven, and truly the royal seed of his father before him," your father says, something unfamiliar in his voice. he turns back to you and you see, for the first time, the fear in his eyes.

"he turned on his own father, just as his father did with his father, took over that poor dead man's kingdom, and waged a war against his neighbors."

your father's voice trembles now.

"refusal would not only mean death, my rose," your father points out quietly, slipping in the endearment he so often used with you since you were a child.

"he would make sure you wished you were dead," he warns.

you swallow, letting his words sink in.

you think back on the past year, the months of hiding, the weeks spent banged up in the highest tower of your castle, the days of weeping as you waited for your father to come back, the minutes of terror as you were told the West king had emerged triumphant.

the second you saw your father, the Almighty Blessed King of the East, staggering through the palace gates, bloodied and broken.

that wretched tyrant from the West almost took your father away from you. giving yourself to him willingly hardly seems like the right move. but not doing so would mean a fate worse than death.

"is he really that terrible?" you ask, almost in a whisper.

your father walks up to where you're seated at his dining table. he reaches down and takes your hands in his calloused, war-scarred ones.

"i couldn't give you an answer to that if i tried," he explains. "i surrendered before i could get the chance to meet him."

"then how are you so ready to give away your only daughter, your only reminder of the woman you loved?" you implore, looking desperately into your father's eyes.

he shakes his head.

"this is how i want to remember you before you're whisked away into that cruel man's arms," your father says tenderly, tucking your hair behind your ear.

"feisty, with the zeal only your mother could pass on to you."

your eyes sting with tears at hearing your father mention his late queen.

your own mother feels like someone from a dream to you. she was there one moment and gone the next. much like yourself.

you let yourself cry silently, rising to let your father hold you in his arms.

---

the trip from the East to the West typically took a little over two weeks if no hiccups are encountered along the way. but you realized, merely two days in, that this whole marriage was cursed from the beginning.

it's as if the whole world conspired against this union, and you would have been grateful for it, but after days of running into problems (thieves and hunters and sudden thunderstorms and a pack of wild boars), the only thing you wanted was to be sheltered inside a warm castle room with a cup of spiced wine on your bedside.

so unbridled was your happiness when you heard a sudden shout from outside your carriage announcing your arrival at the gates of the West Kingdom castle. your two ladies-in-waiting riding with you had equally relieved faces, your hands immediately reaching out to grasp theirs.

"we're here, your grace," the younger of the two, yuna, whispers excitedly.

olivia, the older and more cynical one, swats at yuna's arm.

"don't sound so happy," olivia berates. "this is a dictator's castle we're entering."

yuna shrinks back in her seat and you reach over to clasp her hand reassuringly.

"i'm the only one fit enough to marry him," you remind. "he should know better than to lay a single finger on me."

olivia eyes you worriedly while yuna nods in agreement.

"i'll be alright," you say. whether it's to them or to yourself, you're not entirely sure.

the entirety of your royal party comes to a halt after what you felt was an hour's worth of treading on a steep incline and only then do you allow yourself to peek through the curtains of your carriage.

you gasp as you see the fog all around. you're aware that the West was the mountainous region of the four kingdoms but seeing the clouds form beneath the castle grounds made your stomach twist uncomfortably.

"let's hope he doesn't throw me down the ravine," you mutter quietly. olivia and yuna exchange looks before giggling quietly.

you alight from your carriage a few more minutes later, the sudden light nearly blinding you. the sun is covered in dark clouds but the lack of any greenery to shield your field of view has you squinting to see in front of you.

"good morrow, your grace," a voice greets. you turn and see a smartly-dressed man approach, bowing deeply. he's adorned in the West king's court colors and it's then you notice the pin affixed on his chest.

"i'm lord jake, the royal chamberlain," he adds, taking your hand and pressing his lips to your skin. he straightens up and gestures behind him.

your eyes follow where he's pointing and you see a grand staircase leading up to the heavy wooden doors at the entrance to the castle.

"let me assist you to the throne room," jake offers, holding out his arm to you. you take it, fixing a firm grip on his bicep.

"the king is waiting," he adds.

---

you let yourself be pulled through the towering hallways, resisting the urge to gape at the lavishly adorned walls. portraits of Western monarchs, legendary shields and swords owned by said monarchs, heavy purple drapery. jake seems to understand, walking at a pace that hardly indicates that you're in any rush.

you turn behind you to see olivia and yuna following dutifully, your other ladies and servants following close behind, flanked by guards both from your party and from the West King's.

you turn back ahead of you, catching sight of the heavy doors to what you can only guess is the throne room.

"if i may speak freely, your grace." jake turns to you slightly. you return his gaze and nod.

"of course," you say.

"you need not be nervous," jake reassures. "i know of the tales you might have heard about our king. but i've been a companion of his since we were boys. he does not hurt those who are not deserving to be hurt."

you remain silent for a few seconds as you continue to approach the throne room. after a while, you respond to jake.

"i appreciate the words of comfort, my lord," you begin. "but what indication do you have that i'm nervous?"

jake smiles warmly at you just as you reach the doors.

"you've been squeezing my arm since you've arrived, your grace," jake points out.

a pause. your face breaks out into a smile and jake mirrors your expression, both of you allowing yourselves a moment to laugh.

the guards by the throne room doors heave them open and you stand, stiff but adorning your face with a look of resolve. jake pulls his arm away and steps in front of you. just as the doors fully open, jake bows to the throne and then to you.

"my most revered King of the West, this is Princess _________ of the East and her royal household," jake announces in a booming voice that startles you slightly.

"princess," jake continues, turning to you once more.

"i present to you, the Most Royal King of the West, King Heeseung,."

---

everything was a blur after that.

you do, however, remember the silver shock of hair atop the king's head. the deep purple of his doublet. the tight black breeches and black boots laced up around his ankles.

you could see King Heeseung's lips remain unmoving as you curtsied deeply in front of him. you remember the feeling of fear, humiliation, and embarrassment at having to bow in front of a cruel tyrant.

you remember the hint of a smile grace his mouth as you straighten up. you remember the sweat gathering on your palms.

you remember muffled words being exchanged between the king and jake. you couldn't make out what they were saying with the blood rushing in your ears. you remember curtsying one more time before jake takes your hand and leads you and your people out of the throne room.

now, hours later, seated in front of a mirror in an airy room somewhere on the north wing of the castle, you remember to breathe, letting out a breath you didn't know you were holding.

"your grace, are you alright?" olivia asks from behind you, her hand pausing mid-brush as she gathers your hair in her other hand.

you meet her eyes through the mirror and nod.

"yes," you answer. "just a little...tired."

"i would assume so," yuna speaks up from the other side of the room, her slender figure bent over the numerous chests containing your belongings.

"i asked and it turns out we traveled close to a month," yuna rambles. "a month! who takes a month to get from the East to the West?"

you smile at yuna's shrill voice, a comfort from the eerie silence that seems to surround the castle.

"how are you two liking it here so far?" you ask, addressing your two ladies. a palpable pause comes over the room as you wait for their response.

"it's...alright," olivia begins. "better than i expected. i pictured brutes and barbarians to litter the halls but that's a misjudgment on my part, your grace."

"everyone seems kind enough," yuna chimes in. "the king barely said a word so i'm not sure how to feel about him yet."

"better to hold your tongue when speaking of the King of the West, child," you lightly berate. "we don't know who's listening."

olivia and yuna both nod in understanding.

a knock from the door to your room interrupts your discussion.

"come in," you call out. you turn to see another one of your ladies poke their head in before straightening up and bowing.

"your grace," jen, a sprightly lady-in-waiting of yours addresses you.

"i've been informed that the king asks for your presence in his study," jen relays, hands folded in front of her.

time seems to stop as you hear these words. you feel olivia grip your shoulder and you hear a clatter of something as yuna drops it. jen avoids your eyes as the four of you soak in her words.

"well," you say after a moment. "i better make haste, then.

you meet olivia's eyes through the mirror once more and she smiles encouragingly.

---

you ask jen to accompany you this time to give olivia and yuna time for their own personal needs. jen readily agreed, not more than five paces behind you as you make your way to where you were told the king's study is.

the castle is bathed in late afternoon light, a gentle breeze fluttering through the hallways. hardly any noise can be heard save for the occasional footsteps of servants and soft chatter from some of the rooms. your heart hammering against your chest is the only thing that fills your ears constantly.

"this is it, right?" you turn to ask jen. she nods as you two stop in front of an intricately carved door with a heavy golden stag knocker.

"you may take your leave," you tell jen.

"your grace?" jen asks, voice meek. "should i not wait for you out here?"

you shake your head. "i have a feeling neither of us knows how long the king will keep me in there."

jen opens her mouth as if to say something more but she stops, sighing. she nods and bows to you before starting down the hallway.

you turn away from jen's disappearing form, hand grasping at the stag knocker. you pound the heavy metal against the door three times before stepping back, waiting to be let in.

"enter," comes a voice from inside.

you swallow, reaching for the door handle. you give it a turn, the door easily swinging inward. you step through the gap, pressing your lips in a thin line as you anticipate what you might see.

the study is a respectable size, with bookcases adorning nearly every wall. a fireplace crackles with flames at the far left end of the room and a large desk rests in the middle of it all.

hunched over a stack of parchment is King Heeseung himself, a quill twirling lazily between his fingers.

your eyes meet and the king straightens in his seat.

"your grace—"

you pause, having both said the same thing at the same time. to your surprise, King Heeseung offers a smile. not knowing what else to do, you force an uneasy smile back.

"sit with me, my lady," he says, motioning to the chair in front of his desk. you gather your skirts and perch yourself at the very edge of the seat.

no one speaks for what feels like an eternity. the king has paused in his perusing of the parchment in front of him and you've busied yourself with staring at your hands resting on your lap.

"there will be a welcome banquet tonight," King Heeseung's voice cuts through the silence.

"to celebrate your arrival," he continues.

you dip your head low.

"you have my gratitude, your grace," you say mechanically.

King Heeseung clears his throat. "i also arranged for the wedding feast to take place a week from now."

you allow yourself to gaze upon the King of the West, your eyebrows pinching together.

the king sees your expression and pauses.

"but if you wish to either hasten or push back the ceremony, then i'll take it into consideration," King Heeseung hurriedly adds, his sharp eyes rounding into a softer form.

you realize that sitting here, eye level with the king, that he's merely a man like any other. a man who smiles and startles and laughs.

your mind flashes back to your father's beaten and bruised face. your expression falls.

"no, your grace. a week from now is fine," you concede.

a long stretch of silence follows. you avert your eyes to the window to your right, gazing at the vibrant sky painted in the colors of the sunset.

"heeseung," comes the king's voice. you turn to him, a questioning look on your face.

"you can call me heeseung," he clarifies.

your face must have been of utter confusion because the king smiles again.

"we are to be wed, are we not? i would assume that you'd prefer a much more relaxed method of addressing each other." heeseung leans back in his plush seat, awaiting a response.

"of course," you agree. "and you may address me however you wish."

"my betrothed."

the two words roll smoothly off heeseung's tongue and a strange tug pulls at your chest. you nod silently as if to grant permission.

heeseung clears his throat again, pushing himself off his chair. you rise as well but you make no move to look at his face.

you see from the corner of your eye his hand reaching out to you.

"come. the banquet should be starting soon."

you shakily place your hand in his and he gently wraps his fingers around yours.

"after you, my dear betrothed," he says, motioning towards the door.

---

it turns out, a week flies by extremely fast.

you've managed to meet all of the people of importance in heeseung's court in that time, memorizing names and faces and feasting with a number of them.

heeseung hovers around, greeting you as you go about your day but ultimately keeping his distance. you wonder if you should be doing more to prepare for your wedding but you don't dare question any of heeseung's or his council's plans.

in a blink of an eye, the week is over and you're standing in the throne room, draped in your finest garments, practically glittering from head to toe with the jewelry you've brought from home.

heeseung stands tall and regal beside you, his hair perfectly done and his royal regalia adorning his broad frame. strangely enough, his face is what you anchor on for most of the ceremony—a blur of vows and prayers and oaths and finally, a restrained brush of lips to make things official.

the feast may as well have not happened with how blurry your memory of it is. you sat at the high table, watching the festivities but not really seeing anything.

that is, until a particular loud courtier knocks over a chair, bringing down plates and utensils as collateral damage in his drunken state. the noise jars you for a moment but heeseung lays a warm hand on yours to steady you.

and now, sitting on the edge of your bed, stripped down to your undergarments by your reluctant ladies, you shiver at the thought of what your wedding night may bring.

you've heard stories from your ladies and you've been taught enough by the tutors you've had over the years. but to lay with a man such as heeseung, it chills you down to the bone. would he hurt you? would he demand things from you? perhaps kill you?

you shake your head. it would do no good for him to kill you now. you're both in dire need of heirs for your respective domains, him especially now that he's deposited himself as the supreme ruler of all the kingdoms in your land. and even without taking children into consideration, would he really drive in his image as a tyrant? slaying his wife on their wedding night?

your thoughts are dissolved when you hear a knock come from the door. a second later, heeseung walks in, his cape and gloves amiss, and so are the tightly-laced hunting boots, leaving him in his doublet and breeches, wool boots covering his feet.

he almost looks...nervous.

"my b—"

heeseung pauses, taking in a sharp breath.

"my wife."

your head spins as heeseung says these words. you can physically feel the color draining from your face. when heeseung says it like that, it makes it more real, your fate looming over you like an impregnable fortress caging you in.

"yes, your grace?" you respond, trying to sound composed amidst your anxiety.

heeseung studies you for a second before sighing. he tugs his boots off, undoing his doublet right after. he shrugs the garment off, leaving him bare from the waist up. you gasp softly, abruptly turning away.

"you need not address me like that, remember?" heeseung reminds, trudging carefully before coming to a stop in front of you.

he reaches a hand out, attempting to hold a side of your face but you flinch, your whole body lurching at the feeling of his skin against yours.

your heart pounds as you quickly realize the fault in what you just did. you peer up at heeseung, eyes shaking with fear.

you expected anger, annoyance, or even confusion.

but all you see is a pair of despondent eyes looking down at you.

"why are you afraid? why do you fear me?" heeseung asks, voice quiet, defeated.

your insides churn as you try to find the right words. in a moment, the whole ordeal comes crashing down on you, the day's events flashing in your mind, a reminder that this is your life now. you're married to a dictator for the rest of your days.

"shouldn't i be?" you reply, voice stony. "i'd be a fool to not be scared of someone who murdered their own father and waged a war against the entire world."

heeseung remains silent. he heaves a sigh, turning away from you.

"it seems as if it was a mistake to ask for your hand in marriage," heeseung says.

a flicker sparks inside you.

"you didn't ask!" you cry out, voice accusatory. you stand, pulling yourself to your full height. this outrage has sprung from nowhere, seized you fully, summoning all the anger within you.

"you commanded me here, you took me away from my family, my home! i came all the way here to marry an evil man and he suddenly decides that marrying me was a mistake?"

"i gave up everything i had to fulfill a duty i was called to, that you called me to," you continue, placing yourself right in front of heeseung.

"i need you to prove to me that all this is worth it. that i did not come here to be some poor slave to a tyrant! show me and prove me wrong that you're not just some monster that nearly killed my father!"

you feel the air knocked out of you as a pair of lips press against your own. you cry out in surprise but something snaps within you, the final branch needed to let the fire catch and spread.

heeseung is kissing you and you're kissing him, your hands clawing at any part of him you could reach. his own fingers tug at your chemise, pulling it down your shoulders until it slips off your body completely.

"you're sick, forcing yourself on your wife like this," you pant against heeseung's mouth. he undoes his breeches, letting them fall.

"my wife is free to leave if she pleases," heeseung retaliates, kicking off the last of his clothes.

both of you are stark naked now.

you stand there, breathing heavily as you look into each other's eyes.

"your wife will not leave until you've bedded her and put an heir in her womb," you seethe. "that's all she came here for, after all."

heeseung grunts lowly, attacking your lips once more. he shoves you down on the bed, caging you in easily with his firm body. he runs his hands up and down your sides, squeezing and fondling at every piece of flesh he can dig his fingers into. you moan and squirm under his touch, an ache growing between your legs.

"you'll give me as many heirs as i wish," heeseung says as he kisses his way down to your neck. he suckles on a spot just beneath your jaw and the sound of defiance that you originally wanted to let out is caught in your throat.

"of course, so they can usurp you when it's your time," you say through your teeth.

heeseung says nothing, only looks at you, his face pulled down in an angry frown.

"listen here, darling," heeseung commands, voice dipping even lower. he pulls you by your thighs to the edge of the bed, pushing your legs open.

he glances down and you stare at his face as it turns into a look of intrigue, his eyes transfixed on your core.

you're soaking wet, clenching around nothing as your husband continues to survey what's between your legs. he looks back up at you, a hand reaching over to grasp your jaw in one large hand.

"my father was a madman and so was his father before him," heeseung begins and you feel something prod at your entrance. you gasp as half of him is pushed in with a single swivel of heeseung's hips.

"maybe i'll turn out to be one too, but right now, all i did was clean up the mess he made," heeseung continues, fully burying himself inside you. your legs tremble at the painful stretch and all you want is to hide your face away in the sheets but heeseung's firm grip on your face won't let you.

"he started this war," heeseung says accusingly. he draws back, allowing you momentary relief before thrusting back in, a half cry, half moan escaping you.

"yeah, my sweet?" heeseung pauses to address you momentarily, his eyes dark and evidently hungry.

"feel good?"

he doesn't wait for an answer as he lets go of your face in favor of holding your hips tightly between his hands. heeseung sets up a ruthless pace, mouth hanging open as he watches himself slide in and out of you.

you grit your teeth and refuse to look away yourself, gazing upon the face of what might be another in a line of mad kings. your husband, half of who you are now, half of what your children will be.

the thought sickens you to your stomach.

but the delicious fill of his cock deep in you has you quivering with want, breathless with desire. if this is how good it feels to fuck a mad king, then maybe you are the perfect maiden to wed him.

well, not so much a maiden now that he's buried in you to the hilt, one of his hands grabbing at your breast.

his words 'he started this war' echo in your brain, but a shift of heeseung's hips has your eyes rolling back in your head, that thought forgotten momentarily.

"come on my sweet, look at me," heeseung pleads gently. he leans down, nearly flattening his form over your own. he continues to fuck you, thursts shallow in this new position

you hook your own arms around heeseung's neck, meeting his eyes.

"you don't fear me, do you?" heeseung asks laboriously through heavy breaths. "you never did."

you withhold an answer, leaning in to press your lips roughly against heeseung's instead. he growls low in his chest, his hips moving even faster than they already were.

you keep your mouths together, tongues lapping over every expanse of each other. a shiver runs through you as you feel the friction against your core increase, turning rougher and rougher as heeseung seems to lose himself in you.

you pull away, running your fingers through the hair on the back of heeseung's head. you tighten your grip on the strands and heeseung hisses.

"no," you finally answer. "i'm not scared of you so fuck me like you mean it."

the world seems to give out from all around you as the last words escape you, your hips pinned down painfully against the bed. your legs quiver as you feel heeseung pound into you, faster, rougher, harder. you let a sob rip out of you, your whole body seizing as your release slams down on you.

heeseung looks at you and only you, eyes wide and ravenous.

you clench around heeseung and he collapses over you, hands braced on either side of your head, his face scrunched up in pleasure as you feel him throb deep in you. you feel his thick seed warm up your walls and you gasp softly, your body finally relaxing.

you lay there, weak and unmoving, as heeseung pulls out and rolls off you. he comes to rest on one side of you, his hair tickling your shoulder. without another word, heeseung pushes himself up and retrieves his discarded breeches off the floor.

your heart sinks as you think that he's about to leave. your throat tightens, the thought of being used just like that, despite being his wife, his queen, repulsing you so badly.

but heeseung doesn't walk out the door. he loosely strings up his breeches and walks over to the vanity on the other side of the room. you failed to notice when you came in the first time the bowl of water and washcloth resting beside it.

heeseung wets the cloth, wringing it momentarily before walking back over to you. you've propped yourself on your elbows now, watching his every move.

"sit up, my sweet," heeseung implores gently, seating himself beside you.

you oblige, wincing at the slight sting between your legs as you shift into a more comfortable position. heeseung starts with your face, smoothing over your cheeks with the cloth, the cooled water bringing out a sigh of relief.

he moves to wipe at your neck, then your chest. he peers down at you, laying a gentle hand on your thigh.

"let me clean down there too," heeseung says. you nod, feeling vulnerable under his watch. you part your sore thighs, letting heeseung swipe away at the stickiness.

heeseung finishes and returns the washcloth to the bowl. he picks your chemise up on the way back to you, placing it in your hands. you wordlessly stand, pulling the thin fabric over you, overtly aware of heeseung watching you from where he sits on the bed.

you turn back to him and he's gazing up at you, expression softer than all of the other times. he reaches a hand out shakily, as if hesitant, and you take it, stepping between his parted knees.

he places his hands on our lower back as if to cradle you. before you could stop yourself, you let your hand smooth back some of his silvery locks of hair.

"he—my father—sent those decrees of war out when he realized i was on to him," heeseung mumbles.

you nod gently, signaling him to go on.

"i found out he'd been plotting this war for years right under my nose. i was brought up to command my father's army but i never knew it was for this," he continues.

"i begged him to stop but you can't reason with someone mad," heeseung says, voice shaking.

looking at him now, eyes so doe-like and piercing straight through your own, you realize that underneath what you called a tyrant, he was just a boy willing his father to do right.

"i had to end it one way or another," heeseung continues, head bowing.

you pull him to you, cradling him against your chest. you feel heeseng's arms tighten around your torso.

"but by the time i had dealt the final blow, it was too late. the decrees were sent and i had no choice but to fight the war he left me with."

your chest constricts.

"why not just take the decrees back, admit surrender?" you ask quietly. heeseung looks up at you and you're struck by how handsome he looks when he's not acting like the king he is.

soft lips, the delicate turn of his nose, fluttering eyelashes.

"i was already a kinslayer and a kingslayer. i couldn't lose everything after that," heeseung whispers, brows pinched together as if begging you to believe him.

a flurry of emotions course through you. despite this, you smile apologetically.

you bend down slightly, placing a gentle kiss on heeseung's forehead.

"i don't fear you," you whisper against his skin. you feel him deflate beneath your touch.

"but there is so much more i need to understand about you, husband."

heeseung pulls away and nods. he takes your hands in his, kissing your knuckles.

"and i'll try my hardest to make you understand. i don't expect forgiveness, just your open heart and open eyes to see who i really am."

you afford yourself another smile. you lean down once more, kissing heeseung softly.

"they're wide open, my King."

#enhypen scenarios #enhypen smut #heeseung scenarios #heeseung smut #w: heeseung

2K notes · View notes

sumirhatos · 3 months

Text

Photoshoot

Red Velvet - Joy x Male reader

7.3k words

TW: foot fetish, feet worshiping

-----

This is a continuation of Exposed addiction.

Thanks to Nether Blade for helping me with this chapter. ❤️🥰

-----

"Miss Bae, but he works at JTBC, and we are not sure if he has any experience in advertisement filming" says the manager, a little bit confused.

"So what? He proved to be very professional last time, what difference does it make?" she says, raising her eyebrow. "Don't you trust my opinion?"

"N-no miss Bae, I'm just-" the manager was about to share his thoughts of disagreement.

"Then it's settled!" she interrupts him, putting on her Aviators and leaving the meeting room.

(Late night 11:26 p.m.) You were watching videos on YouTube until you are interrupted by a call

**BZZ BZZ**

Usually you don't pick up calls when you are off work, but this time you didn't even bother to check who's calling...

"H-Hello?" you answer with a sleepy voice

"Okay, good, you are not asleep, I got work for you" says Joohyun.

"Ummm, what?" you reply getting confused by the voice, but being too tired to recognize the caller, so you check the caller's ID. It's Joohyun?!?!

"J-joohyun? I mean, Miss Bae!" you spill. "Sorry, didn't recognize your voice, I'm really tired right now, I've had a very long day and I didn't get enough sleep either" you explain to her.

The events of last night are rewinding before your eyes.

"W-what kind of job are you talking about?" you ask her to try to change the subject...

"Well, just a regular filming job you will manage. Wait for my message. You can thank me later. Bye!" she spills and hangs up.

"What?" you hear nothing but you've been hung up on...

"What the fuck is wrong with that woman? First she kicked me out of the hotel room. Now she offers me a job all of a sudden?" you curse before going to bed.

The next morning you receive the message from Joohyun.

"You were approved for the job by our managers, I'm absolutely sure Sooyoung will be happy to work with you again.😏"

"Wait, what? I have to film Sooyoung?" you reply to her, not that you mind seeing Sooyoung again.

"She will send you the deets later, you owe me one, pretty boy, enjoy the shooting ;)" she replies.

You initially met Sooyoung and the Red Velvet members a long time ago, the first encounter happened when you had just started your job as a part of a filming crew for MBC, being just 19 years old back then.

Red Velvet had just debuted as a group and were invited as guests on the Weekly Idol Show, that's when you met them for the first time.

The other members probably didn't pay attention to you at all, you were just one of the assistants for the filming crew.

But Sooyoung was different, she noticed a young member of the filming crew, the clumsy guy, who was just trying his best to be helpful.

After the filming she even came up to you and said "Fighting!", which was like a breath of fresh air for you after a long day of work. Maybe she was just trying to be polite? Or maybe she pitied you?

Yet somehow you later became sort of buddies, you were someone she could talk to during work, you were her guy in the filming crew, who helped her with small requests, like messaging her about the filming, sending schedules, and sharing other relevant information. Sometimes you hang out together as a part of a group, telling your stories, sharing your experiences in life and much more.

You wouldn't call it a close relationship or anything, but you became sort of friends, to an extent.

A few years later, life becomes more successful for you. JTBC, another broadcasting channel made you an offer you could never pass on, came with a new team, new place, new crew and new position for you: a fucking filming director! They even made their own show, Idol Room, which featured old hosts, from Weekly Idol.

Right away, you became THE guy in the team, so others finally started paying attention to you. Suddenly more people wanted to hang out with you, go for drinks and attend parties together or stuff like that.

Even idols started paying more attention and trying to suck up to you for different reasons. Sooyoung was not an exception, she also asked you for professional advice here and there.

You hoped she wasn’t trying to become closer to you just because of the new important role you had, but that she indeed considered you an interesting person worthy to hang out with. "Shit...This woman is fucking killing me", you say out loud.

"What's wrong honey?", a voice came from your bedroom, "is everything okay?", she adds coming to the kitchen.

"Well, I just got a message from Joohyun, she got me an extra job... I'm having an ad shoot for Sooyoung", you say with an annoyed face.

"Oh! You can try out a different type of shooting by taking this job and make some extra money as well. Good for you. Joohyun is so nice and generous!", she exclaimed with a smile, "She cares about people she works with so much and even helps them to get more gigs!"

If only she knew what a real bitсh Joohyun is...

"Plus, you have told me that you liked to work with Sooyoung in the past when you had just started your career as an assistant, remember?", she adds.

"Yeah, I guess'', you answer, "but it's Saturday and I wanted to spend the day with you... I should decline it", you add with sadness in your voice.

"Nah", she shakes her head, "It's fine, we can watch Netflix when you come home later today", she smiles. "I know how much you love your job and I don't wanna see you walking around with a sour face all day, feeling bad for not taking this opportunity", she comes to you and pats you on the head.

"Thank you", you simply reply to her, taking her hand and holding it for a moment.

"Okay, chop-chop then, don't wanna be late, right?", she says, clapping her hands.

"Yeah..." you reply to her, still annoyed by the fact that you have to work on a Saturday.

You get up and head to your closet, get dressed into a casual outfit: grey joggers, green loose hoodie with a zipper on top of an LA Lakers print t-shirt.

Then you head back to the kitchen, and see that your girlfriend is munching on her breakfast while watching some news.

"What are you wearing?!?! Are you going to a basketball match? Haha", she says giggling at you.

"Hey it's Saturday, my official day off. I can wear whatever I want!", you exclaim to her light tease, "And who the fuck is gonna stop me? Am I the director or what?!", you say proudly of yourself

"I was joking you little poopster", she says, slapping your thigh.

"Yeah-yeah, whatever", you reply, heading to the door.

You put your sneakers on and head out.

"I'll see you in the evening, I'll try to get home not too late", you say to her heading out.

"Hey, wait. Haven't you forgotten something?", she says, jiggling the car keys in her hand.

She throws them at you and you catch them like Lebron catches the pass from Davis to perform the slam dunk.

"Thanks", you say to her and go to your car.

**BZZ BZZ** your phone vibrates.

"Hello Mr. Foot Fetishist! 😏 I guess we are working again together! I've attached the details. See ya! 😘", was the message from Sooyoung

"Oh god, what is this nickname? Joohyun told you?", you reply to her message...

"Maybe 😋", she replies

You have kept your fetish in secret from her and other idols successfully so far and now Joohyun had to ruin this... And not just anyone, but Sooyoung? Now she’s gonna try to hide her feet from you. Great...

"Hope that nickname doesn't stick for too long though...", you murmur to yourself, while getting in your car.

Heading to the place Sooyoung mentioned in her message, you arrive in about 20 minutes. It's some 3-story building near SM Ent. headquarters.

"I guess bees don't want to get too far from their nest", you say while getting out of the car, you take off your hoodie and leave it inside.

Heading straight inside the building, you go to the 3rd floor, that's what was said in the description Sooyoung sent.

At the entrance to the studio you are stopped by some bodyguard in a suit.

"Can I help you?", he says with a disgusted face. Is it because of your outfit? Probably because you don't look like somebody who might be here for work?

"I'm a filming director from JTBC, here for a Barrel photoshoot with Park Sooyoung.

"Yeah and I'm Lebron James", he mocks you by pointing at your tee.

"Hey listen, I don't want any trouble and I think you don't want any either, right? I'm here for work", you tell him in response. Maybe it sounded like too much...

"The fuck? Asshole

"Guys where is my phone? I need to make a call, Sooyoung asked people walking around her, but then she stops when she sees you at the entrance to the studio.

You are mesmerized... She looks... Well, to say she looks like a goddess would be an understatement... Her makeup has already been done, her beautiful hair is also ready, curling over her shoulders.

She's wearing a white cropped hoodie, a short lavender sports skirt that barely covers her mouthwatering thighs and exposing to the world her long fucking legs, going down, on succulent feet she has light pink summer heels.

Looks like no pedicure today, some toenails might look meh without any polish applied, but that's not the case for Park Sooyoung, her toenails are looking pristine and elegant in their natural color, signaling how well she looks after them. "Oh, there you are", she comes to your direction, "He's with me", she pushes away the bodyguard.

"I was about to call you, but unfortunately I can't seem to find my phone in this mess ", she says, pouting. So fucking cute...

"H-hello Miss Park", you reply, trying to be formal with her around other people even though you are sort of friends... "So um... I suppose it's a summer outfit photoshoot?"

"Yep, didn't Joohyun tell you about the job?", she asks, taking you by the hand and leading you inside the studio. A very bright place, a lot of light from the studio LED lights.

"No", you shook your head, "she didn't tell me anything about the job itself..." you add just staring at Sooyoung stunned by her beauty once again...

"Okay, we should get to work if we want to finish the whole photoshoot today, there are a lot of outfits I need to pose in", she says with a bright smile.

She then leans towards you and seductively whispers into your ear: "I hope you like it, oppa", she said, giving you goosebumps...

"This is gonna be a long day...", the only thought that crossed your mind.

"Um... Okay guys, let's start, shall we?", she asked without looking for an answer obviously.

"I can see that Miss Park is almost ready", you said, pointing to a girl going through her bags, presumably looking for her phone.

"Found it!"Sooyoung exclaimed, holding onto her phone and holding it up in the air.

"Okay, we are set to film in two settings, one is the regular white background and the other one is with the sand & beach theme", says one of her managers.

"Sounds interesting", was your response, "okay, let's begin", you added. While you are usually supposed to instruct the person that is in front of the camera, Joy is a natural, the camera loves her. After all these years of knowing her, you have figured out there is not much direction to do with her, so you let her improvise.

She strikes a few poses, which you capture with the camera. Everyone on set is probably appreciating her visuals. The main thing that you are captivated with though are her amazing legs, her ample thighs, strong looking calves and last but not least, her feet, those succulent toes, the arch, the ankles... Fuck...

"G-Good job Miss Park, you are such a pro", you comment a little bit nervously, getting yourself a smile in response from her. She knows you are staring.

"Okay, we will proceed with the next outfit", her manager said. Sooyoung left for a couple of minutes to the changing room.

Coming back she's wearing another lavender color outfit: long sleeve sporty top and very short shorts, once again exposing her amazing thighs to your eyes, completing the look with a baseball cap of the same lavender color, on her feet she had peach colored sneakers. Whole fit looks very beautiful.

You take a few pics in the setting with sand and a few regular pics, after that she left for the changing room once again.

"Good, next!", the manager said again.

Couple of minutes later, she comes back in a surfing outfit with black tight pants, a tight light blue top and the same peach sneakers.

"Uhh... It's too hot in here", she says waving her hands in front of her face. All of a sudden she takes off her sneakers, freeing her appetising feet from their shackles . Playfully she shows her shoes in the camera and you took a shot of that. Sooyoung giggled at you. If only you could sniff those shoes...

This girl knew exactly what she’s doing, those natural colored toenails are looking so fucking delicious, it drives you crazy. If you two were alone you'd have jumped at her to feast on each of her toes. The thought of it made you sweat even more...

To shake off the intrusive thoughts, you tried to concentrate on taking photos of Sooyoung, while she was posing.

Moving to the setting with sand she looked like a true surfer girl, who just came to the beach and is getting prepared to ride the waves. She sits down and plays with the sand.

You take more photos of her and they come out cute rather than sexy.

"Okay, time for the next outfit, I suppose?", you ask one of Sooyoung's managers.

Sooyoung gets up and leaves to the dressing room once again to return in a very cute blue chequered dress.

"Okay, for the last two outfits we want the beach setting", the manager says.

"Oh, so I don't need my shoes then?" Sooyoung asks the manager.

"If you don't want to, sure", the manager replies indifferently.

Glancing at you, Sooyoung smiles and elegantly takes off the heels that she wore previously at the beginning of the shooting session and then tiptoes to the beach setting.

There is something about sandy feet... Something alluring that makes you desire her feet even more...

"Wish I could see her cute little toes"...

Right that moment as if she heard you, Sooyoung lifts her left leg a little out of the sand just enough for you to be able to see her cute toes.

Those feet need to be worshipped, those toes need to be sucked, those soles need to be massaged and licked... Sooyoung looks at you and giggles once again. Can she actually read your thoughts?

You snap more pictures of her once again, while she is spinning around being playful in front of the camera.

"Okay, last outfit, Sooyoung", the manager says.

You check your watch and to your surprise you’ve already been shooting for 2 hours... It seems the time passed very quickly because of the hypnotizing beauty of Sooyoung, so you lost the sense of time.

Sooyoung heads to the changing room, as she passes you, she runs her finger down your cheek and gives you a hungry glance.

"Uhh... This girl...", you think, "What if somebody notices?!?!", it seems Sooyoung doesn't care.

It took a few minutes for her to return in another jaw-dropping outfit: yellow one-piece swimsuit that tightly hugs all of her curves, denim shorts, once again not covering her thighs and topped off with a blue cap on her head, kind of cute. Another perfect beach outfit.

She sits down in the sand, her butt is resting on her soles, which are covered in sand once again, that swimsuit almost doesn't cover her back, leaving little to your imagination, such an amazing body, and such a pretty face, the face that you have splattered with your cum just a few days ago...

Flashbacks from that incredible night are coming back to your mind making you feel fired up once again... She on her knees in front of you, her face painted with your load... Fuck...

Sooyoung looked at you with a smirk once again, as if she knew exactly what you were thinking right now. You stopped taking pictures, staring at her through the camera, you couldn't take your eyes off...

"Okay, good job everyone", her manager said,"and thank you for helping us with the shooting, sir", she addressed you.

"Uhh... Yeah, thank you guys, good job", you reply awkwardly to the manager and the whole crew, "I'll be happy to work with you next time if I have a chance", you add.

Meanwhile everyone started to pack their things, cameras, lights, screens and etc., Sooyoung gracefully stood up and headed to the changing room.

"Sooyoung we will be waiting for you in the van, to drive you home", her manager says to her heading out.

"Nah, that's okay, I have to discuss something with opp-", she stops mid sentence,"I have to discuss something with the director here", she continues.

"Y-Yeah?, you say with uncertainty, seeing her glare at you, "right, we have to discuss... Yes...", you try to come up with something, but nothing comes to your mind.

"Yeah", she glares at you, "Next shooting for Barrel, remember? I've told you that the contract includes a few photoshoots", she elbows you in the side, signalling to you to play along.

"Oh, yeah! How could I forget this? The next shooting, ha-ha", you say with an awkward laugh.

"Oh, okay, we can wait", the manager replies.

"It's fine, he'll give me a ride home, right?" Sooyoung smiles at you.

"Yeah, I will, definitely, I'll drop off Miss Park at her place, don't you worry", you try to reassure her manager with an awkward smile on your face.

"O-kay, see you on Monday then. Bye", the manager says. She bows to you and leaves the studio with other staff members.

Seeing them out you bow last time. Then you get hit by something on your back, you look at Sooyoung, she has taken off her shorts and threw them at you. That yellow one piece swimsuit barely covers her ripe peach... All of a sudden you are hungry...

"I'll be right back", she says getting into the changing room, "don't peek", she says smirking at you.

"I didn't even plan to", you reply to her. She shuts the door.

One minute later Sooyoung comes out wearing a white dress paired with white sneakers, her hair is tied back in a ponytail to reveal her cute forehead.

"Okay, let's go", she says heading for the exit. You say nothing following her while checking her from the back. In addition to her juicy thighs she has very muscular calves.

Heading to your car you keep staring at her ass and legs.

"Enjoying the view?", she says, turning around all of a sudden.

"Yes", you answered firmly without any hesitation.

"Good", she smiles, "is this your car?", she points at a red sedan.

"Yeah, get in", you say, opening the door for her.

"Oh wow, so there are still gentlemen left in this world!", she exclaims with a grin on her face. You decided to say nothing, just replying with a smile.

She gets inside your car and you close the door for her. After that, you go to the back of your car to put your camera and your bag into the trunk and then go to the driver seat.

Sooyoung has already gotten comfortable in the seat beside you and was waiting for you inside.

"So, what did you want to talk about?", you asked her when you got in, put the key in and started the engine.

"Well, I just wanted to hang out with you, you've been busy not attending any parties, so I was wondering how have you been lately? Plus, my manager would have talked about work all the way, if I had taken the ride...", she says with a weariness in her voice.

"Yeah, I've been busy working on new stuff for our channel", you point out.

"I also don't want to go home alone...", she said with sadness in her voice.

"You should've invited your friends to hang out then", you suggested.

"Yeah? Who for example? My group members?" she asked.

"Yeah, why not?", you said to her calmly

"We see each other all the time", she replied. "So, I've decided to invite you instead. Joohyun told me that you are fun to hang out with", "Joohyun told me, everything", she said, taking off her sneakers, reclining her seat and putting her bare feet on a dashboard.

"A-am I?", you replied startled by it, trying to concentrate on the road instead of her legs.

"Do you like mine?" She asked with a grin obviously meaning her succulent toes which she was wiggling on a dashboard.

"Y-yes, of course", you gave her a short reply, peeking at her feet.

"Good", she said, shifting in her seat and putting her feet into your lap, "oh yeah, that's better", she added.

Moving her feet slowly all over your lap, she provokes an already forming bulge to get even harder, making it hard to concentrate on the road.

"Sooyoung, I'm driving!", you exclaimed, not even trying to get her feet from your crotch.

"You know, I never expected you to be a feet kinda guy, but now that I think about it, there were some hints to it", she smirks, grinding her right foot on your bulge.

"R-really?", like what?"

"Well, whenever I wore some open toed heels, you were complimenting my shoes, I just thought that you actually have taste in shoes'', she replied, still rubbing your bulge through the pants.

"Sooyoung...", you groaned.

"Should I stop?", she grinded her foot on your shaft even harder.

You say nothing... Yes, it's dangerous to drive like that. But what can you do? Are you even capable of telling her to stop? Of course not, you can't tell her to stop. Even if you did, she'd not stop what she's doing.

Smirking at you she brings her left foot to your right cheek.

"So, I need an answer, should I stop?", she repeats the question with a slightly seductive tone.

"No...", you finally reply, so she continues to smother your cock with her right foot and starts caressing your face with her left foot. Next move was kinda predictable. She placed her toes on your lips, you opened your mouth welcoming a few of the toes inside.

"Ooh, Joohyun did mention that you like feet, but she didn't mention you are so freaky about it", she giggled surprised at your initiative.

Her toes tasted weird, somehow you catch some alcohol flavour, so you dare to say: "your toes taste weird"

"Did you think I'd put my shoes on without wiping the sand off it?", she asked, "I used antiseptic wipes, also why would I want to poke you when my feet are dirty, it sounds disgusting...", she continued.

"Well, I wouldn't mind, because it's you", you said, taking her toes out of your mouth and switching to kisses.

"Ewwww, you are a freak", she resented, snatching her feet from you, "why would you want to lick dirt, yikes!", she exclaims.

"Nah, it's not like that, to be honest, but if it's someone I like, I'd do that", you commented on her antics,massaging her feet with your right hand.

"Yeah, it's more like a display of affection that I'd want to worship your feet even though they might be dirty", you reply, gently massaging her left foot with your right hand, rubbing her sole with your thumb, running it along the whole length of her foot from bottom to the tip of her toes, still wet from your saliva.

"Umm, so you like me?", she asks, getting shy from your words, you can notice that her cheeks are getting a little pink.

"Well-, you were about to answer, but you get interrupted **You have arrived at your destination** - the voice from the navigator announced

To your disappointment Sooyoung takes her feet off your lap and sits properly in her seat, putting on her sneakers.

"D-Do you want to come in?", she asks awkwardly, trying not to look at you. But why is she so awkward all of a sudden?

"S-sure", you reply with the same awkwardness in your voice.

You two get out of the car without saying a word and head inside the building, past the concierge desk, into the elevator and to her apartment on the 15th floor. Entering the apartment you are greeted by the sunlight coming from the all floor-to-ceiling windows at the side opposing the entrance door.

"Make yourself at home", she said, putting on some fluffy slippers, as went off somewhere.

"O-kay", you mumble, she probably didn't hear that anyway.

The whole apartment was dominated by light colours, bright curtains, pale walls, it's almost as if the light was radiated by the owner's aura.

You sit on a white chair next to the huge windows, through which you can see the whole city.

A minute later Sooyoung comes back with two beer bottles.

"Here, I figured you wouldn't mind something to drink", she says, sitting right next to you on another chair, she hands you one of the bottles.

"Yeah, thanks'', you reply, "the view is amazing, it's like the city is in the palm of your hand'', you continued, opening the bottle and taking a sip.

"Mhm, that's one of the reasons I chose this place, you can see each part of Seoul from here, the view calms me down", she comments.

You look at her, a gorgeous girl is sitting in front of you, drinking beer, "Yeah, it is indeed a peaceful sight to see", but obviously you were talking about her, not the view from the window.

"Can I take a picture of you? It's a very nice view, it will look good", you ask her all of a sudden, pulling out your camera, good thing that you have a habit of taking it everywhere with you.

"Sure", she puts down the bottle of beer and looks right into the camera "what should I do?", she then asks, acting if it was some other photoshoot.

"Actually, be natural, casual photos are the best, to be honest, I don't want you to be professional right now", you say while taking a photo of her.

"Okay, if you say so", she replies, relaxing in the sunlight, as it pierces her black hair curls, making her shine like the star she is.

You take photos from different angles, zoom in, zoom out. After that she gives you a grin, pointing at her feet, and you gladly take a picture of her soles.

"Do you want to kiss them, oppa?", she asks, looking at you with those sexy eyes of hers, looking at you in anticipation of what you are going to say.

You don't have to be asked twice, so you put down the camera, lean forward and place your lips on the bottom of her toes. First you kiss the toes of the left foot, going from the pinky all the way to the big toe, then on the right foot you go from the big toe to the pinky.

When you are finished you lean backwards, waiting for the next command.

"Cute, now lick my feet", Sooyoung giggles.

So you obey the same way you followed Joohyun's order the last time. You started to lick Sooyoung's feet, first the right foot from the tip of her toes to the bottom and then from the heel to the top of the left foot, savouring the salty taste of her delicious soles.

"Hihi, it tickles", Sooyoung chuckles looking at you, but she doesn't move, letting you do the job, "Now suck on my toes, oppa", she commands wiggling her toes in front of you.

You obey her once again, starting with her right foot once more, you suck on each of her toes, one by one, alternating between sucking, kissing and licking them, trying to clean every bit of her succulent toes.

After that you start licking and sucking between all five toes on her left foot while trying to envelope them in your mouth. Sooyoung's foot is definitely wider than Joohyun's, but you can't complain about that.

"Oh wow. Do you love my feet that much?", Sooyoung asks you, staring at you again with those lewd eyes of hers.

"Mmm, I guess the answer is yes'', she giggles admiring your thorough work, her toes are glistening with your saliva, those are surely clean now.

She leans forward and runs a finger down your left cheek "Such a submissive oppa, do you like it when I command you?", she asks you seductively. You nod in response.

"Get up and undress'', she said, and you don't ask why. Following her command, you take off your hoodie, t-shirt, joggers and socks. Sooyoung bit her bottom lip watching intently as you took off your garments.

Then she leaps at you and begins to touch your body, starting with the chest, she trails to your abs and starts going even lower, to the only part that remains clothed. With both of her hands she gently palms your prominent bulge up and down a couple of times, going lower to your ballsack, cupping it softly as massages your testicles.

"Mmmm, it feels so full, have you not been released for the past few days?", she asks looking right into your eyes and licking her lips, you just nod.

"Let me help you with that", she says, removing your undergarments, freeing your dick from its cover. Your cock springs out and bumps her into the face, Sooyoung bursts into a laughter because of that, which makes you laugh as well.

"Your little friend is a quick one!", she giggles. She spits on your cock to lubricate it and proceeds to jerk you off.

Stroking your now naked shaft with her right hand at a good pace and continuing to grope your balls with the left, she extracts a moan from you indicating your pleasure. That's when she stops.

"Okay, continue oppa, you got one more foot to clean'', she says putting her right foot on the edge of the leg rest so you could have better access to it, leaning back into her seat, she closed her eyes waiting for you to proceed.

You kneel in front of her and do the same amount of worshipping to her right foot, sucking on each of her toes, leaving no dry space.

After that you grab both of her ankles and put the soles on your face. Her toes are on your cheekbones and while her soles rest on your lips. It's so soft, so divine and beautiful. It feels like time has just stopped completely. There is nothing in the world right now, it's just you and Sooyoung soles.

"Khm-khm", Sooyoung clears her throat.

"Oh, sorry, they looked so soft, so I couldn't resist to feel them on my face", you replied to her, kissing her heels

"Oh yeah?", she says, smothering your face with her feet, softly pressing them on your cheeks, "do you like that?", she asks without stopping moving her feet all over your face.

"Yes'', you reply between kisses and nibbles on her soles. Sooyoung produces a soft groan of satisfaction. After a few more seconds you go lower, her heels receive the same treatment of licking, kissing and sucking, making Sooyoung groan again.

Kissing her left ankle you go higher to her calf and to her thigh and then to her-

"S-Stop", she says all of a sudden, withdrawing away from you to sit properly in the chair .

"I didn't tell you to do that, are you impatient, oppa?", she says, her face getting red... Is she shy?

"Yes...", you reply desperately. Of course you are impatient. You want her, you want her so bad it hurts...

"I've noticed, but I'm not done playing with you", she says putting her feet in your crotch, "I think your friend wants to play too", she adds with a smirk on her gorgeous face.

She teases your shaft with her left foot, rubbing the tip between her big toe and her long toe, meanwhile massaging your balls with her right foot. It doesn't take long for you to leak pre-cum all over her toes.

"Fuck, Sooyoung...", you moan her name. She's doing a number on you.

"Lay down", she commands, throwing a cushion at you to use for your head. Then she stands up and goes to the kitchen to grab some unidentified bottle from the counter.

When she comes back you are already in a vertical position ready for your mistress in anticipation. She sits back on the chair and pours some brown-ish liquid substance all over her soles and toes.

"Hope you don't mind honey, I don't have anything else here haha, she laughs and pours it on your cock.

She proceeds to rub it into your shaft and balls with her feet.

"Oppa is so hard for me", she says, pressing your length with her sole against your stomach. She trails it from bottom to the top with her right foot all the way through your length, while pinching your ballsack with the toes of her left foot.

As a result of Sooyoung's work you start to moan each time she completes the stroke with her foot.

"You are already leaking, haha", she giggles, rubbing your precum with her toes, griding it just between her big toe and the second toe for a brief moment and then completely stops.

"I'm also leaking because of you oppa...", she says, slipping her right hand under her dress, trailing a slightly darker wet spot on her white underwear.

"Sooyoung let me taste you", you said, starting to get up to help her with her "problem", but she held you back in place with her feet not letting you move.

Instead, she slips her hands under the dress and slips the underwear off underneath. Then she slides it to her thighs, down to her ankles and then off her legs. She grabs them and throws them away.

"Do you like the view?", she asks, rubbing her now exposed clitoris with her fingers, while playing with your shaft with both of her feet this time.

She places your cock between her soles and starts to fuck you with her soft feet, it's not slow this time, in a few seconds she has picked up a good pace, making you grunt almost every time her feet reached the bottom of your shaft.

"Fuck, Sooyoung...", you moan her name helping her motion by thrusting between her soles.

"Do you wanna cum?", she moans, fingering and rubbing herself with almost the same pace of her feet.

"Yes, fuck, I'm getting close", you grunt, increasing the speed of the footjob even more.

"Ah-h, y-yes, I'm close as well, oppa", she moans once again, also increasing the intensity of her hand work.

"Are you gonna cum, oppa?", she asks, "O-oh, yes, yes give it to me oppa, she grins at you.

"Y-yes, Sooyoung, you are gonna make me cum so hard!", you grunt in a low voice trying to resist the urge to release your pent up spunk all over her feet. Just a little bit longer, just a little bit, you don't want this to end.

"Yes, yes oppa, blow it all over my beautiful feet that you love so much", she says staring right into your eyes.

"Gonna cum all over my soles? Or maybe you want to paint my lovely toes and tops white with your creamy seed?, she asks switching from fucking you with her soles to rubbing you with her lovely toes again.

"Fuuuuuck, Sooyoung-", you moan her name out loud, being unable to say anything else.

"I guess I should decide then", she says, coming to a full stop and then gets down on the floor. She spins around so her ass is facing you. She lays down on her stomach and places her feet back on your shaft.

She resumes fucking you with her feet in a reverse footjob.

It doesn't take long for you to reach your limits, bringing you to the edge of your release.

You grab her by the ankles and help her fuck you with her feet till you cross the line of no return.

Sooyoung's name is coming out of your mouth in a moan of pure satisfaction. The volcano has erupted.

First spur is released from the tip of your shaft with quite a high velocity and lands on her right leg, droplets going here and there from the calf down to her sole.

"Yes, yes, give me all of your cum, yes!", Sooyoung demanded, slowly stroking you with her feet.

Second blob released in a string across the whole length of her left sole that you had just cleaned with your mouth, staining her foot from the heel to the toes.

Next spur was not powerful enough to make an "explosion", but as most of the eruptions happen, your hot lava was going down your length reaching sooyoung soles, which are still gently pumping your shaft on both sides.

"Wow. Oppa, if I knew you would have such a big load stored in there I'd not let it go anywhere but inside me", Sooyoung says in a surprise.

She sits up and reaches for your cock, now pumping the remaining cum out of you with her right hand.

The last few weaker pulses of your cock released the remaining cum on her fingers, milking you completely dry.

She flips over on her back, lifting her legs a little to show you her soles covered in your white paint. Then she spreads the cum she just extracted out of you all over her toes, rubbing your load into her skin.

Doing the same with her soles and after playing enough with her feet and your cum, she brings her hand to her lips and licks remaining semen off her fingers.

"Mmm, so tasty", she says with a giggle on her face.

"I guess honey helps", you say.

You are spent, laying there on the floor you feel completely exhausted after an intense high that you just had.

But...

In a blink of an eye Sooyoung is between your legs sucking your cockhead trying to milk any cum that is remaining inside your half erected cock.

"Fuck, Sooyoung, please", you moan her name again, trying to get her off you.

But you are too weak to do anything, she ignores your plea as she’s pumping your shaft with her right hand in a tandem while bobbing her head all over your length.

This magical sudden blowjob on your sensitive cock makes you moan even louder than before.

She brings you to full erection again and with a pop she takes your penis out of her mouth.

"Shall we go for round 2?" Sooyoung asks, getting up and helping you up as well.

But right that instant you are interrupted by an intercom call.

"Oh come on, who could it be? "Sooyoung whines, heading to the door.

"Yes? Who is this?", she answers the call with an annoyed voice.

"Hey, Sooyoung-ah, it's me", you hear a very familiar voice from the intercom, but can't really recognize who it was exactly, definitely someone you know or met before.

"Oh, shit. Unnie, I totally forgot that we are having a slumber party tonight. Come in", Sooyoung replies and presses the button on the intercom, which opens the door.

"Get dressed. Quick!", she says to you slightly panicking.

You take all of your clothes and run to the bathroom to get dressed, meanwhile Sooyoung proceeds to clean herself and the floor with wet wipes she grabbed on the counter.

The bathroom is pretty big, there is a big bathtub and a separate shower, the sink countertop is filled with a lot of different skin care and makeup products. Well, that is expected for a girl like her, her face needs to be perfect all the time.

One minute later you come out from the bathroom and head back to the living room. Sooyoung and her guest are discussing something in the kitchen.

"Well, well, well. Who do we have here?", a girl with black long hair asks.

"Umm... Hello Miss Kang", you mock her a little by addressing her with her last name.

"Lol, drop this bullshit, we are not at work", she replies.

"I apologise, Miss Kang", you say and all 3 of you burst into laughter.

"Anyways, what are you doing at Sooyooung's place?", she raises her eyebrow.

All of a sudden awkward silence descended in the room...

"Uhh... Did I interrupt something?", Seulgi asked, breaking the silence.

"Not really, we were discussing some work matters", Sooyoung answers, "but we actually just finished, right?", she added, addressing you.

"Y-yeah, we just finished discussing the next photoshoot for the fashion brand Sooyoung is working now.", you replied, adding to the lies Sooyoung just said.

"Oh, right you've had the first photoshoot today, how did it go?", Seulgi asks you two.

"It went very well!", you answered, "Sooyoung did a great job, so photos came out very well", you added.

"Yeah, it was nice, but the painting is as good as the painter that works on it", Sooyoung said, winking at you.

"Well said Sooyoung!", Seulgi said approving her point. **BZZ BZZ**

Your phone buzzes. Incoming call your girlfriend.

"My apologies ladies, I need to take this call, might be important", you say to them, heading to another room.

You go to the guest room and pick up a call.

"Hello, what's up honey?", you reply.

"Hello, we need to talk", she says.

"Sure, what's the matter?", you say curiously.

"Not over the phone", she answers.

"Oooookay?", sure. I'll be home shortly.

"Okay", was her reply and she hung up.

What the heck was that? Uhh...

You head back to the kitchen to Sooyoung and Seulgi.

"Okay ladies, I gotta go home", you said.

"Oh, that's sad, I thought you gonna stay for a little, but it's fine", Sooyung says with a disappointed voice, "Hope we can hang out again like that next time", she winks at you, obviously alluding to continuing what was left unfinished.

"Yeah, sorry, duty calls", you both head to the door.

You put your shoes on and head out. But before you leave Sooyoung stops you and gives you a peck on a cheek, absolutely throwing you off guard.

"I-I'll see you later", she says right after blushing away. And just like that from a fling Sooyoung made this much more complicated.

"Y-yeah. B-bye", you said rushing out.

"Okay that was random, I'll deal with this later", you said out loud going downstairs to your car.

So you just head home, but you are unable to get thoughts of what just happened out of your head. That kiss on your cheek from Sooyoung... What the fuck?

#park sooyoung #red velvet #red velvet joy #joy smut #red velvet smut #red velvet joy smut #kpop #kpop fanfic #kpop smut

550 notes · View notes

msmysticfail · 4 months

Text

Sun in the houses: 7-12

Sun in the 7th house:

Sun in the 7th house are generally very well-liked and popular people. A Sun in the 7th house cares a lot about others, as it's in others that they assert themselves. They are people who need to be close to others, whether with their close friends, their family, or their romantic interest.

Because the other person's opinion is so important to them, they can sometimes be shaken by what other people think of them. They are people who are generally always well-groomed and presentable because they like to make a good impression.

In the work environment, they are people who generally have many friends and colleagues and are always aware of all the gossip that is going on. They are pleasant, lighthearted people who generally do not have a fixed opinion about something or someone, but they usually can make friends easily. They don't like arguments, or they try to minimize them as much as possible. They have a good style in general and they love to receive compliments.

I am a reflection of the other person: this may be their unconscious motto. They always want to be accompanied, preferring to go out with someone. Romantic relationships generally have a great importance in their life, since love, affection, romance and the well-being that the other can provide to them are things that are good for the Sun in house 7.

Sun in the 8th house:

People with the Sun in the 8th house are profound, you may think you know them, but in reality you only know what they let you know. They are observant people, before acting they observe everything around them, almost always going unnoticed. Because they have this type of nature, these people generally have an arsenal of information about the people around them and, with that, this is where the Sun in the 8th House stands out, as they have a ace up in their sleeves to deal with both their friends and enemies.

This silent observation usually extends to the work environment, where the person generally knows how to influence or even exercise control over their colleagues or subordinates.

People in this house generally go through long periods of emotional retreats, just like the 4th house, however these retreats are focused on oneself, on one's soul. They are constantly changing their emotional and psychic skin, they need to get rid of old emotional baggage and open up to new things, as this house also talks about Scorpio, a sign that governs detachment and symbolic death.

These people tend to act silently in the "dark", as they don't like others knowing what they do or don't do.

With a deep and fixed concentration, when they are interested in something or someone, these people put all their focus on finding out everything about it. For the 8th house, no information is enough, they always want to know more. With great intensity and vitality, they are magnetic people, who know how to attract others, stirring them up.

Sun in the 9th house:

These people take great pleasure in being in contact with knowledge, whether it be expanding their mind and soul through readings, colleges, seminars, or even taking trips that can enhance their spirit. They are people who have a need for questioning, seeking to understand society and the world through large lenses, which is why they often seek religion or greater contact with the divine, through practices such as meditation or yoga.

They love moving around the city where they live, the wider they get to know it, the better, generally they have already seen most of the state they live in. They are people who are generally light, not attached to others or to intense emotions, they generally only cling to what they believe in, as they need a motto to live by.

These people generally exude lightness, always bringing a smile on their face or making a joke to their group of friends. They probably have a travel itinerary programmed somewhere in their mind, because contact with the outside world, something that is greater than what they already know on a daily basis, is very important for a sun in the 9th house.

They are also people who seek justice, since they spend so much time philosophizing about life and the things that surround it. Professions that involve law, travel, other cultures are excellent for them.

Sun in the 10th house:

These people need to feel useful. Their goals, no matter what they are, are very important to them. Because they are at the top of the zodiac wheel, in one way or another these people attract attention, whether at work, at home as a figure that everyone admires, or in their community. The10th house is about the collective, the social, society in general and these people shine for the collective. A Sun in the 10th house has a strong but cold light, in the sense that they have a rational mind, which calculates all strategies before acting on their purpose.

Ambition and focus are the two words that define the people of this house, no matter how hard things may be, this person will move forward with their ambitions, preferring to fail while trying rather than never trying and failing. They are generally very strong people, they can handle more than most people can. These people real enemies are their fear of failure and their arrogance. If they listen to it then they will probably stop presenting themselves to society out of fear of failing, of not being good enough, and if they listen to their arrogance they can and will, over time, lose their brilliant charm, since everyone can clearly see who they truly are, since the 10th house is the highest house and the sun shining here shows everything to everyone.

Romance, friendship, calm and peace can take second or third place, being successful in their life is one of the most important thing for them, no matter the cost.

Sun in the 11th house:

They care about the collective, they are usually people who are volunteering, whatever the cause, they are generally recycling their trash, using sustainable food and clothing. Because they see society as their home, it's very important to them to feel included in it.

They are cool, intelligent, political and critical. You can't change the opinion of a Sun in the 11th house, unless you're smarter than them, but they can change yours. They are people who communicate well, they know how to win people over through their ability to argue and debate.

As this is a cold house, governed by the Air element, they tend not to get attached to emotions or people, as everything tends to flow in this house. They are not really interested in trying to keep someone in their life, unless other aspects say otherwise, they let things come and go freely, and generally expect the same from people, as they hate feeling trapped, contained.

They are people who think a lot about the future, always having a project in mind for 10 or 20 years from now. The interesting thing is that they don't just care about their future only but about the future of the collective as well.

A Sun in the 11th house is liked by many, they're important to people, be it their friends, their online network, their community, etc. They have their tribe but they also moves around others, without necessarily getting attached.

These are people who love to have some connection with electronics, the internet, in general.

Sun in the 12th house:

With a gigantic intuitive capacity, people who have the Sun in this house are generally able to see people's intentions, generally understanding their motives too, even if it's bad. Focused on their emotional and inner life, just like the 4th and 8th house, these people spend more time in their heads than they actually do in the world around them. They are quiet, usually a whole universe of intricate thoughts are going on in their head, so it can seem like these people are not really present. When they are present it's for a short time, as they prefer to be physically present, but mentally absent, generally. When they are present they are observant, preferring to listen, absorbing what the other person has to say, which is why they are great listeners.

They need time alone, it is essential that a Sun in the 12th house finds space to be alone with themselves, or they feel drained and worn out.

In the work environment, unless other aspects indicate, they do not have a very strong presence, preferring to follow orders, not questioning too much. It is vital that these people can transcend the mundane day-to-day life with some solace in the arts, be it music, cinema, literature, etc.

They may suffer from health problems if their body does not obey a certain level of rest and relaxation.

They are artistically gifted, whether they know it or not. Use and abuse the arts, write, dance, free yourself and you will find a precious outlet to deal with your day-to-day life in a more practical and centered way.

415 notes · View notes

save-the-villainous-cat · 28 days

Note

may I request a really really really smart villain. but somehow the hero manages to outsmart them, and even though villain is completely dumbfounded, they find it incredibly hot???

gl, if you wish, but im fine with anything !!

“You’re scared,” the villain whispered. “I know what that feels like. I know what it can do to a person.”

Their fingertips traced the hero’s clavicle gently, as if they attempted to calm a startled deer by stoking it.

“It’s not a pleasant emotion. It certainly isn’t one anyone should be used to. So I’m curious, do you need my help?” the villain said. Their eyes scanned the hero curiously. Almost as if they could absorb everything about them just by looking at them.

Something about the hero seemed to pull them in, something seemed to fascinate them on a grand scale and the hero couldn’t tell if they loved the challenge or the attention.

“Would you mind?” the hero asked. They nodded towards the villain’s fingers on their body and clearly, the villain received their message. They pulled away and smiled. Curiosity seemed to be their big weakness.

“I apologise, of course. I’m fond of pretty things.”

“As every crow is.”

“That’s a compliment.” The hero didn’t answer. They knew the villain was toying with them; they were fully aware of their sweet words and their kind smile.

The villain wasn’t easy to understand and that was a big problem in this whole mess. Incompetent people proposed a threat to the city because of their lack of intelligence. They weren’t easy to understand, they were unpredictable.

Usually, the hero could argue with smart people, could get into their minds and understand their motives but the villain was a complete minefield. Their unpredictability came from several unrelated plans that intertwined and altogether made up a whole picture.

They were ten steps ahead. Always.

Suddenly, a missing professor, a burning bakery, a sick child and a stolen book were parts of a chain that would make sense to the hero much, much later. Ordinary things could play huge parts in these reaction chains, something they liked to call “controlled butterfly effect”. It made the hero think of all the details, all the little crimes in the city. It made them overanalyse every little conversation they had with the villain.

Was the villain giving them clues?

Was there a way to decipher these riddles?

How could anyone be at ten different places at the same time?

How was it possible to get information you’d have to torture out of people without actually talking to anyone at all?

“I’ll have to change my address for the third time this month,” the hero said. “You should apologise for that as well.”

“It’s not my fault you make it so easy for me.” The villain looked around the hero’s living room and in some weird and strange way, the hero felt superior to them, now that everything was done. It would’ve been foolish to say they were relieved. In fact, the villain was right. They were terrified. “New choice of plants, I see. You like orchids?”

“Why exactly are you here?” the hero asked. They assumed the villain knew about yesterday. They also assumed the villain was here to talk about that. “So you can make fun of me? Humiliate me in my own home?”

“Without an audience? Please, I thought you knew me.” The villain’s eyes found the hero’s again after what they deemed to be enough observation.

“You like it more intimate. You like it when it’s just us.” Now, the villain looked intrigued.

“Touché,” they said, almost as if the hero had defeated them with a single word. The hero wished it had been that easy.

“Again. Why are you here?” The hero crossed their arms in front of their chest. It was getting quite chilly in just a shirt and underwear.

In response, the villain took in a deep breath and sat down on the hero’s couch. They lounged.

“When Hannibal crossed the Alps, do you think he was scared? I mean, all that responsibility on his shoulders? It was dangerous, he could’ve lost his entire army.”

“Is this supposed to be some metaphor for me being Hannibal and you being…what? The Roman Republic?” the hero asked. Sometimes, it was laughable where the villain’s mind went. It was hard enough to keep up with them already but the amount of knowledge the hero acquired from talking to them alone was insane.

It was the type of learning experience that required failing repeatedly to get to the answer. The hero didn’t enjoy it.

But the villain only chuckled.

“I was trying to say that being determined and scared can coexist. You did something that demands great courage.” They tilted their head. “And yet, it is a very scary thing.”

With slow steps, the hero approached them until they were close enough. They sat down on the villain’s lap. Unsurprisingly, their nemesis didn’t protest.

They weren’t proud of what had happened, they weren’t proud of what they’d done.

“How can a person obtain information no one dares to whisper?” the hero asked. “How can that person receive it within seconds?”

“You tell me,” the villain said. An invitation. It would’ve been illogical to decline.

“You had two helpers. Someone who can teleport. Someone who can turn invisible. I don’t know how you convinced them but they were heroes once.”

The villain nodded.

“The Romans had to learn the hard way how important spies are. They learnt it from the Carthaginian. Like I learnt from you years ago,” the villain said. It was difficult to imagine that all this was the hero’s fault. “Now, tell me what you did when you found out.”

The hero was quiet until the villain’s palm brushed their thigh softly. The villain seemed unfittingly euphoric.

“I knew they wouldn’t be easy to keep in a cell.”

“So?”

“So I killed them.” The villain nodded.

“You killed them,” the villain agreed. “Did you know crows wait for other predators to tear open their prey?”

The hero waited. The villain wasn’t angry. They were fascinated. It hadn’t even occurred to the hero that this was the solution up until yesterday.

And still, even though this was a major success when it came to stopping the villain, it wasn’t satisfactory. Killing two of their own people hadn’t been pretty.

“Did you know curiosity killed the cat?” the hero asked back. Behind their back, they clenched their fist to stop their hand from shaking.

Within seconds, several red laser dots pointed at the villain. With the hero on their lap, pressing them into the couch, there wasn’t anywhere to go. The sharpshooters wouldn’t let the villain move a muscle.

And behind the shocked expression, the hero saw something they weren’t sure if they loathed or liked: a certain admiration for only them.

#villain it’s a trap u stupid ahh #I am behind you I always find you I am the tiger #somehow completely managed to ignore the dumbfounded part I AM SO SORRY #I’m not even close to being able to write smart characters but I hope this is ok 👹#writing snippet #heroxvillain prompt #heroxvillain snippet #heroes and villains #hero #villain #hero x villain #heroxvillain #an answer for an ask #request

286 notes · View notes

lotusmi · 1 year

Text

occupying the state leads you to the void

໒ "The outer world merely reflects that which a man is in his own consciousness." - Neville.

꒱Before we start, I want to remember that I am not a void blogger, but I have a deep understanding of the law when it comes to states and the teachings of Neville and Edward. My main goal here is to sprend the law using their teachings as source.

"How do I use states to enter the void?" This is probably, the question I receive the most. This post was in my mind for months, It's going to be a long post but I promise that you never read nothing like this, and I am sure this will help you like nothing did before. I will try to answer all the most common void asks that I get here.

𝑰 Introduction.

"How do I 'use states' to tap into the void?". My first problem with this question is firstly, that most of people don't understand what "States" are, so they think 'it is only one more method', which is not.

My very second problem is, obviously, the obsession with the void and how it affect our community and how it contradicts the principle of the Law of Assumption.

There are, of course, other things that we have to clarify. So I will breakdown into those topics first.

𝑰𝑰 Changing Self.

"You are already that which you seek and you have no one to change but Self in order to express it" - NG

"You are already" "Nothing to change but SELF" Some people don't really understand the importance of this quote. Why you are already? Because creation is finished. There's nothing to add, nothing to change. All you have to change is Self by changing what you identify being or having, and this is a state.

The great importance of knowing all you need to tap into the void is SELF is that you will stop checking new subliminals, new methods, seeking for information or trying to wonder what you are doing 'wrong'. You have to go straight to the wish fulfilled feeling, you change SELF. All you are searching for is Self. All you need is already within you, within your imagination. You think you need new information, I am sorry, this is not what you need, this not even what you want.

"What you are really seeking is something within yourself which is a change of the story of yourself and you can change yourself to how you want in imagination" - Ed

A change of SELF. You want to feel different. You want to feel fulfilled.

"feeling the wish fulfilled one time is greater than listening to 8 hour subliminal messages or trying to impress your subconscious mind or repeating ten thousand affirmations a day" - Edwart

"You are finding the creative power of the universe, and when you find him, he is your own wonderful human imagination." (...) "If this power is within us then we are the operant power. We do not seek anyone on the outside, it is simply within us." - NG

So if we want to change our life, we have to understand that what happens outside is our creation, and even what is happening in your mind, is your creation too.

𝑰𝑰𝑰 What are States?

"A state is simply an attitude of mind, a body of belief, a phase of experience." "Don’t condemn the occupant of the state. The state is the thing, but the occupant is God." - Neville.

States are assumptions we hold about ourselves. A state is what you identify as being or having within yourself. You are now occupying several states, there are infinite states. But we are not those states, we are I AM [God] and I AM is not a state, a state is whatever you claim to be or have. You don't have to stress if you are not in a good state, you can always change your state.

"I don’t care what brought you to that state. I’m here to simply get you out of the state." NG

✧ So now we understand that the state you are right now, is being reflected by your outer-world. What you are claiming, accepting, to be or have, is what you will see in your 3d. "Since creation is finished, every possible state already exists." - NG

+ posts about States that I love: define: states, how to get into a state, states faq, a simple guide to states

𝑰𝑽 Changing States + the state to enter the void?

"What do you want now? Well then you go into the state of the wish fulfilled. What state? The state you decide, you determine what you want in this world, and you go right into that state. And then ignore the facts. Suppose the facts now still deny what you did…it doesn’t matter, let the facts remain, they’ll dissolve." - NG

I know what you want now is to enter the state that will lead you to the void. So I'll first start telling you that this state already exists within you. The you who can tap into the void in seconds is already here, you just have to decide to enter this state by accepting it. Maybe you are not holding the best assumptions about the void right now, but I assure you that this does not matter, since you can change it instantly, just by accepting a new state! "he who makes the evil makes the good"

✧ Here it comes the point where people will ask me "ok but, i did not had entered yet, how can enter this state then? idk how it feels like". ♡ !! TIP: To enter a state you don't have to specify exactly the feeling of the desired thing. "feel like I have mastered the void" sounds weird, right? the feeling one may feel when they master the void can be different of the feeling another feel. This is not like 'feeling happy', everyone feel happy in the same way. The TIP here is:

໒ Let's SIMPLIFY this: We pick the state we want, which is "I have mastered the void", we will REDUCE it to emotions we already know, emotions that would imply your wish fulfilled feeling [knowing], which here is I 'ENTER IN THE VOID EASILY' How would you feel? Pround of yourself , relieved, happy, relaxed, calm, ease, lighten, victorious? Okay, then pick the emotions you will use to make entering this state easier! REALLY FEEL THAT! FEEL [KNOW] [ACCEPT] [ALLOW] The REALITY of it, the imagination is your real reality, I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND THIS > what you feel in imagination is real, is what you truly are, what you determine you are within is REAL. Then does not matter what happened in the world, remove the world. Remove little limitant beliefs NOW! ps: The feeling we seek is the feeling we are/have what we want. It's KNOWING we have. Inducing the feeling with emotion is a method to enter a state, if you don't want to do it, it is okay. If you want to only 'decide' then it is completely alright.

𝑽 The little assumptions.

"his own wonderful human imagination is producing the phenomena of life." - NG ⟡ "I have a good void concept, I really do, but the thing is....." then it comes something like "I AM NEVER AWARE", this is an ASSUMPTION!! Remove this assumption, erase it, burn it! "The whole vast drama is all about the individual" ALL the little assumptions manifest just as the 'big assumptions' you hold. "I almost tap but then I start feeling itchy always" "I lay for like 3 hours and don't tap" bla bla bla DON'T ACCEPT IT. Change this assumption. If there's something you don't want to bother you anymore then don't even unknowlege it! Things die through INDIFFERENCE. You can also affirm against it if you like to > 'I am ALWAYS aware' 'I feel super comfortable ALWAYS' 'I enter in like 2 minutes I don't have to wait'. "These illusions exist only so long as man focuses his attention upon them and gives them life." - NG

"We have created our personal world through thought [state]. If you are experiencing lack, limitation, illness, disharmony or any other unwanted condition, you have either consciously or unconsciously brought these conditions into your experience." - NG "The principle you have unconsciously used to bring about the undesirable conditions in your life can be consciously applied to make your every dream come true." - Neville

this is from my 'Your assumptions about the void' post: If you are accepting, believing, unknowledging, circumstances or fails. Then you are creating all of this failure cycle. Why?

☆ Because you are at the state of letting outside world let you down. You are giving power to circumstances instead of ignoring them and reapeating the new story. "Things die with indifference" ⚠️Outside world is always reflecting, always. As you assume fail and accept it, outside world reflects your state. What state? State of failure, victim, of a loser. This is not world fault, don't blame it, it is your fault.

"Don't blame. Only resolve." - Neville goddard

+ "Ok but I 'can't' feel this, I don't feel like being, Lotus"... Other assumption. We assume we cannot change our inner reality, we start reasoning 'I am even doing this right?' 'Is it enough?' 'This is really going to work?' ... Let's be honest, would God even have those questions? Well, and if He did, would he entertain it? OFC NO! Then if doubts or reasoning come, IGNORE, totally IGNORE! Remove reasoning, let go of it. Know your assumptions are real anyway, I like to use this affirmation when i feel like wavering 'no matter how I feel or what I think, I have my desire, it's done' I don't affirm this to change the world, I affirm this to remember MY WORLD IS CHANGED. "Consciousness is reality and that which is perceived by our senses and appears so real is but the shadow of that which we believe ourselves and the world to be."

Have FAITH. I used to think that faith was not 'having doubts', I was wrong. Having faith is accepting your belief as real EVEN if you doubt. Thoughts don't manifest, so you just ignore 'negative thoughts' 'intrusive thoughts', I mean, this not even a thing. Thoughts don't manifest, what you decided you are or have DOES. So calm down baby, you are in control in your mind too. + "May I tell you, you are focusing in the problem instead at the wish fulfilled." This changed my whole view of the Law. I used to try to find out why I felt certain way about the void, about me, about my life. Tryin to fix things, trying to find the cause. I AM the cause. I fighted those thoughts for more than 5 months till I was tired and gave up. This is was when I understood how I felt. I felt like that because I used to accept I felt like that. We manifest in our mind too. So DONT FOCUS IN THE PROBLEM, focus in the END, that it is RESOLVED.

𝑽𝑰 Even though reason denies it

"do not let your reason and your senses dictate what is possible." -NG

Nothing is real unless you accept. So don't think this or that that happened can ''stop you''. Those little annoying 'limitant beliefs', for mother's sake, understand: circumstances you deal with in the mind are just circumstances too. And circumstances does not matter, they will disolve. So if you still feel fear of something or still think something can make you fail or that you cannot do this or change Self, remove this. Remove rules from your mind. Thinking you have 'blocks', like, no! If you don't want to have blocks then you DONT HAVE IT, remove rules from the mind, those little barriers we create for ourselves, they are a illusion. "you can obtain anything you desire because nothing is impossible to the creative power that resides within you."

"Now do not let your reason and your senses dictate what is possible. All things are possible to God. So, suspend for a moment, your reason, suspend the senses that are dictating what you must accept, for they’re demanding of you, ‘accept the facts of life.’ All right, if you’re going to accept the facts of life, and that reason dictates it, you’ll never go beyond where you are. So suspend them, just for a moment." - NG

"feel the end, and then, dwell in that end even though reason denies it" - NG

"Consciousness is the only reality." + "The outer world merely reflects that which a man is in his own consciousness." + "That which you want to do or be has already been created. Therefore, it actually does exist." + "It is possible to bring into your world anything in creation by your belief that you already have it."

BELIEVE YOUR IMAGINATION IS REAL, YOU DECIDED YOU HAVE MASTERED THE VOID? YOU DID. Surrender, allow it, it is done. So abandon doubts.

♡ TIP: do you doubt the existence of void? read this, by @gorgeouslypink

𝑽𝑰𝑰 New assumptions you should hold with you.

"Persistence in assuming that you are the person you wish to be, despite your present circumstances, is the only condition imposed upon you to embody that ideal.'' - NG

♡ I will try to list some assumptions I think would help you:

You enter in the void effortlessly, you are always aware, you know symptoms does not matter, you are always calm, you are happy that you always wake up in the void, all methods works for you, you are pround of yourself, you are relieved right now, you know your power has no limits, you know entering in the void is easy, you always wake up in the void, you are happy that you know you will enter in the void always, you know you never fail, you know nothing can stop you, you know all the answers are within you, you are already living your dream life, you know you can feel what you want, you removed all the rules in your mind, you are no longer a victim, you are in control, you never blame, you always resolve, your mind is always quiet, you know how to enter the void easily, you deeply understand yourself, you trust yourself, you know you are save, you know everything works in your favor. 'Just try it, and persist' - Edwart

Persist with faith and acceptence. Know you are in control. Don't accept 3d as final.

"While in a particular state, you believe certain things are true and would find it difficult to understand another point of view." - NG

Make assumptions that make things easier for you, no more asking 'how', just try it and persist, no more fighting thoughts, you know thoughts don't manifest and that fight thoughts = fighting self. No more believing a doubt can ruin your desire, doubts have no power. No more trying to fix Self, you just move to the Self you want to be. No more thinking you are doing things in the wrong way, you are doing perfect. No more waiting to have a better Self concept or void concept, you already have it. No more blamin outside causes, you already know you can remove them by not paying attention. No more giving up in the morning because you thought that you 'failed', failure does not exist, you entered in the void just like you always do. No more asking bloggers, you know all the answers. No more overthinking, no more overconsuming, no more searching for things outside, no more seeking for new methods or subliminals. No more unknowledging 'failure'. No more asking how, no more asking if it is ''enough''. It's enough. Enough is enough.

"Be still and know that you are that which you desire to be, and you will never have to search for it." - NG

💌 I feel like there's so much more to write about, there's so much I wanted to explain more. But I will post this and If you like it, I will try making a part 2... So, if there's anything you think I should explain better, please comment here. I am probably going to breakdown into explaining how to manifest something to occur in future, it's a technique that Neville taught. You can use it to enter the void. Well, I will wait for your feedback, and I hope I can bring a next better post soon :)

2K notes · View notes

seresinhangmanjake · 3 months

Text

The One I Want: Part 15

Jake "Hangman" Seresin x plus size!reader

Summary: You’re new in town and some guy named Jake is about to be your roommate. Being skeptical of new people keeps you lonely and uninterested in any entanglements, but Jake is desperate to change that.

Notes/Warnings: cursing, emotional stuff and vulnerability, fluff, angst, inaccurate navy stuff, typos for sure (fr didn't proofread tonight)

Words: 3537

The One I Want Masterlist

---

“He really didn’t call last night?” Millie finally asks. She’s been watching you out of the corner of her eye for the better half of an hour, sitting in a plastic chair on the opposite side of the gift shop’s counter as she unconvincingly flips through the pages of a bridal magazine.

The stack Millie brought to your work was an attempt to distract you so you would have something to think about other than Jake, but you’ve done nothing other than stare at the same wedding dress on the same page since Millie arrived. You can’t even say it’s a nice dress that would compliment your friend’s figure, so you’re about as useless as they come for a Maid of Honor. Dresses, flowers, bachelorette parties—it all sits nestled in the back of your mind, and you’d feel horrible for not taking the details of the wedding more seriously, but right now you’re not alone in using it as a distraction from missing the men in your lives.

At least Millie has received some reassurance. Rooster has taken every opportunity to call her, to comfort her, to express his love. But Jake? Nothing. The most you’ve gotten is a “He’s fine, just a bit drawn into himself lately. Got a lot on his mind,” from Millie who reported that information secondhand from her fiance.

That Jake has put you in a place of questioning is a blow to your heart, but in an effort to stay sane, you haven’t allowed yourself to create potential explanations for him in your head. He’ll reach out eventually, and when he does, you trust he’ll give you all the answers you need.

But for now, you shake your head.

“What is wrong with that boy?” Millie huffs, leaning back in her chair. “I was hopin’ he’d make up for his lack of calls with a beautiful handwritten letter confessin’ his love, but good lord.”

“He already told me he loves me.”

The magazine drops onto her lap. Her jaw practically unhinges. “How are you just tellin’ me this now?” she asks. “What did you say?”

Running your fingers through your hair, you close your magazine and shove it aside. “He didn’t let me say anything,” you tell her, relief washing over you at finally letting it out. “It was over the phone as they were leaving, and he hung up before I could get two words in.”

Millie sighs. “Oh, Honey.” She sits up and scoots the chair as close to the counter as possible so she can easier wrap your hand in hers.

“You know–” she begins, but then pauses as she rethinks, “Or, well, maybe you don’t know—but you should know Jake doesn’t throw that word around lightly. I haven’t known him as long as the others, but I do know that you were a total game-changer. He told all of us that from the moment he saw you he was a goner.”

Heat floods your cheeks at hearing the words he once told you. You’ve believed him to be genuine for a long time, but it’s incredibly fulfilling to know he felt strongly enough to tell his friends before you were willing to consider your own feelings for him.

Being honest with yourself, you weren’t in the same place the first time you saw Jake. You thought he was beautiful and magnetic, and being that beautiful and magnetic, you were convinced he was going to be just as troublesome. There was no room in your mind to consider yourself a goner. Your shields were unbreakable. But now, when you replay the last few months of your life—replay the first time you really took him in, the first time his fingers touched yours—you can acknowledge that in choosing to stay here, the feelings you’ve developed for him were inevitable. Goner for goner—it just took you a moment to catch up.

Millie grins at the red tinge you can’t conceal. “He’s been Mr. Game Changer himself, hmm?”

Shooting her a look before playfully rolling your eyes, you say, “Don’t tease me about things you already know, Millie.”

“The next time he calls, do you want me to tell Bradley to knock some sense back into that pretty, blond head?”

You chuckle. “No, it’s ok,” you say. “Jake was patient with me. It’s my turn to be patient with him. He’ll come through.”

“I’m sure it'll be soon. For you, he’d–” Millie’s eyes flick just past your head. “Oh, fuck no,” she mutters as the store’s door swings open and closes from behind you. “We don’t accept trash here. Please take yourself out,” Millie sasses, making you turn in your chair.

Brit doesn’t acknowledge the tiny redhead. Her dark eyes are darts, so focused on you she hardly blinks. For some reason, though, you don’t sense the animosity you did the last time she brought herself around.

“It’s been a while,” she says to you.

Millie scoffs. “Not long enough.”

As much as you want to, you don’t feed into your friend’s comments. Defending you is appreciated, but you have a feeling that poking at the blonde will delay her departure, and Brit doesn’t need to be in your life and space any longer than you desire to be in hers.

“What can I do for you?” you ask.

“I came here to say something.”

“We don’t have a good track record there.”

With arms crossed, Brit rolls her eyes. “Right, well…I was pissed.”

Millie mimics Brit’s behavior; arm-crossing, eye-rolling, and attitude included. “Award-winnin’ excuse, honey.”

“Can't you scram?”

“Can and will are two different things.”

Your eyes move to Millie. The fire within her is too powerful to die out against the challenge before her, and you’re positive the two could go on for hours if you let them, neither willing to back down. But you want Brit to get on with it. Surely she knows after her last failure that she’s unable to affect you or Jake and the plans you have with one another, all of which do not include her. So what else is there for her to bother you with?

“Millie, it’s ok,” you say, snapping the tense band of their stare-off.

Her face softens when she looks at you. Words don’t have to be exchanged for her to understand what you’re asking of her. She stands and walks to Brit with a pointed finger. “I’m gonna be watchin’ you through the window like a stalker the entire time.”

After stepping outside, she immediately turns to face the window, just as promised.

You stand as well and brace yourself against the wall, keeping the barrier of the counter between you. “I’d love to get this over with, so what do you want to say?”

Brit takes her time, running her fingernail over the packets of gum in their display before she decides to take a seat in the vacant chair. With her legs crossed, her hands clasp in her lap. “I don’t know if you are aware, but Jake dropped by for a nice little visit a couple of days before he left,” she shares with you. Then she sighs as if bored. “He said some things. A lot of things. Bared his soul and all that shit. It was rather dramatic.”

While shocked, you suppose you don’t need a million guesses to figure out why he would go to her before leaving you. He expressed his concerns weeks ago, and no matter how fiercely you tried to reassure him, you couldn’t snuff it out completely. You could always see it in his eyes—a dimmed but persistent flickering of worry.

Brit yanks you from your thoughts. “You’re not ever going to let him go, are you,” she says.

“No.”

“Yea…” She runs her tongue over her teeth, making that squelching sound you had hoped to never hear again. “He’s not going to let you go, either. He made that clear.”

You get that feeling again—that deep fulfillment from being with Jake. You could’ve lived your whole life and the adventures that come with it—from marriage to children to grandchildren, if that is what you and Jake choose—completely unaware of him working behind the scenes to protect and defend and love you.

It seems silly to not have realized before, but you’re so new to this kind of love that inexperience has you approaching it in a fairly straightforward manner. You don’t hide your emotions or actions from Jake anymore. You’re sad, you cry, he comforts you. You’re mad, you yell, he calms you. You’re happy, you smile, and he smiles right with you. And you’ve done the same for him. Open and honest and, as you once agreed, hearts bare.

You would do anything for Jake, and he for you, but you never considered that his affection extended past what you see. Not because it shouldn’t; that’s what love is, you know that. But the love of your past was hollow, very out of sight out of mind on their end; a disconnection that those men used to boost their egos by making fun of you to their friends or flirting with other women when you weren’t around.

Unless taught differently, a person only knows what they've known. So the idea of Jake going above and beyond in that way simply never crossed your mind.

“At first, I hated him for it,” Brit says, suspiciously even-toned. “Showing up at my door, desperately trying to appeal to god knows what while he repeatedly reminds me that he won’t be with me because he’s in love with you. I mean, can you believe the fucking audacity of a man to do that to a woman?”

You can, because you know hurt and embarrassment inside and out, and up and down. Without the context of their situation—were it any other man spouting off to any other woman—you could find it in yourself to feel sympathy as easily as you find your next breath. But Brit deserves the treatment she’s describing; not for the sake of cruelly getting even after the harassment she doled out, but because she needs to hear the truth of the matter from Jake’s lips. She’s in the wrong, what she has done is unacceptable, and perhaps most importantly: you are not the reason Jake doesn’t want to be with her. Whether she eventually accepts that truth or not is another thing entirely.

“I’ve spent these weeks hating him more than I thought possible,” she says.

You shake your head. “Brit, I don’t understand where this is going, and to be honest, I’m–”

“You once asked me if I was tired,” she interrupts you, her tone raising to overlap yours. It succeeds in silencing you. “Well, I’m tired.”

If you could find your voice, you don’t know what you would do with it. When she cornered you in the Hard Deck’s bathroom with a plethora of insults and threats, you shot back at her with few words and a final question. But considering her lack of self-reflection, it wasn’t a question you imagined she might one day reassess.

Brit rises and straightens out her top. She gives you one final look. “So, now you know.”

Then she exits the store and disappears around the other side of the building where the sidewalk meets the street.

“What the actual fuck was that about?” Millie asks, returning to your side.

You’re still staring at the spot where she vanished. “I’ll believe it when I see it,” you start, then swallow, “But I think she’s done with us.”

—

You love all of the things that still smell like Jake. The sheets, the pillow, the interior of his truck, the kitchen because that’s the first place he’d go after putting cologne on in the morning. He lingers everywhere, and when you close your eyes, you can trick yourself into believing he’s right beside you. But after a while of sitting around the scent with your eyes closed, the illusion dissipates. If Jake was actually near you, only so much time would pass before he’d begin touching and kissing and whispering sweet things in your ear.

“You know I can’t help myself,” he’d say. And without him here, you can’t convince the scene to play out.

It’s like a bad dream that doesn’t lose its power over you even after you wake. It’s still in your brain, in the race of your heart, in the heavy gasps from your lungs. Dreams you often have that, even when sweet and beautiful, aren’t. If they’re not full of horrible images that leave you shaking in bed, they’re reminders of good times with Jake, and it’s the good times that ache the most when they’re over.

Tonight, though, it’s not the dreams that shoot you awake. It’s the ring of your phone from an unknown number.

When Jake first left, every unknown number that popped up on your screen jolted an electric shock through your body. But after so many telemarketers and automated calls from the apartment building updating you on temporary changes to office hours, you stopped expecting anything else.

Grabbing your phone, you slam the tip of your finger onto the little green circle and lift it to your ear. “Seriously, calling in the middle of the night is so messed up! I told you to take me off your list!”

“What list?”

Your eyes widen, and every scrap of half-asleep grumpiness falls away at the sound of his voice. “J-Jake?”

“Hey, beautiful…”

He sounds as tired as you are, but you can practically feel the smile on his face. You’re sure it’s a weak smile, all he can muster due to the exhaustion, but it’s there and it’s for you.

Your vision blurs and you blink and fat droplets soak into his comforter. You rub your thumb over the damp circles. “I should slap you,” you say, your nose already becoming stuffy from your tears.

“Oh, you should do much worse than that,” he replies. You lightly chuckle, so he lightly chuckles, then silence holds until he sighs. “I’m so sorry. I miss you so damn much.”

“So much you didn’t want to call before now? It's been a long time, Jake.”

“I did want to call,” he tells you. “And I could have—I should have—but I just…I freaked out a bit.”

“Why?”

Jake sighs again, and he must’ve pulled the phone away from his face because there’s a muttering so faint you can barely hear it. But then loudly and clearly, he says, “Because I fucked up, beautiful, and I’m embarrassed. You deserved better.”

Your mouth goes dry.

Fucked up. Fucked. Up.

Before you can stop yourself, you catch a glimpse of what the next few moments could turn your life into.

Fucked up. Slept with someone. Sorry. Thought I loved you. Not your fault. You can stay at the apartment until I get back.

Pain, and heartbreak, and tears fatter than the ones you’re currently shedding. Lost trust that will never be found for anyone else. No more confidence. No more self-love. No more vulnerability.

Twelfth new place.

But then he says, “That’s not how I should have told you I love you.”

One sentence. A snap of the fingers and every invading thought is shoved out of your head. You breathe. Shake your head. Swipe your fingers across your cheek to wipe away the first tear brought on by what you thought was about to break your heart.

“It’s not how I wanted to do it,” he continues. “I was going to tell you so many times in the week before I left, but I didn’t know how you were going to react. Then I thought I’d say it at the dock, but Rooster was next to me and Millie was next to you, and no way in hell was I going to have them there the first time I said that to you.

“Before I knew it, we were on the ship and it hit me that I ran out of chances. But I couldn’t go without you knowing, so I didn’t think, I just did it,” he says. “I didn’t realize how fucking lame it was until the next day. I mean, Rooster told Millie on a damn ferris wheel, and Bob…” There's a pause. “Actually, I shouldn't tell you what Bob did for his girl; it shames us all.”

Finally, he takes a breath. “Anyway, after we were gone, whenever I wanted to call you I froze up because I had no idea what you would say and how you would feel. The thought of you being disappointed with me or with something I did–”

“Jake–”

“Especially something like this—it makes me–”

“Jake, I don't care that you told me over the phone,” you manage to slip in between his words.

“Y-You don’t?”

“No, of course not,” you snicker, running the back of your hand under your nose to clear away any snot. “What I care about is that you didn't let me respond,” you tell him. “I care that the only way I've known you're safe has been through Millie.”

This time, Jake’s sigh sounds different; one more of relief than anything. Minutes of talking has anxiety lifting off of both of your shoulders by the pounds. Jake is okay, Jake is safe, Jake still loves you. You’re okay, you’re safe, you’re not so disappointed in him that you didn’t hang up the second you heard his voice.

“Beautiful, if I could kick myself I would.”

“I’m sure you could ask one of the others to do it.”

“Anyone in particular you’d prefer to do the honors?”

You hum. “Javy never skips leg day. I’m sure he’s got a strong swing.”

Jake laughs loud enough for you to jerk your ear away from the speaker. “I’ll surprise him with the good news in the morning,” he says.

There’s a handful of things you could say in response. Cute things. Witty things. Sassy things, like requesting pictures of said kick in the ass as proof. But you don’t say those things. While you’d love to continue on the lighter path of conversation, you have more questions.

“Why didn’t you let me respond?” you ask.

It’s amazing that you can’t see him yet you can feel his shift in attitude. As if in slow motion, you picture each phase of the bright smile disintegrating off his face.

Jake clears his throat. “You want the selfish or the less selfish reason first?”

“In that order is fine.”

“Ok. Selfishly, I didn’t want to hear you say you don’t love me,” he says. “But that wasn’t my first thought. My first thought was that I just needed you to know. I didn’t care if you loved me too, I cared that you knew you were loved.

“It was after it was out of my mouth that I realized you might feel pressured to give me a response, which I also didn’t want for you. Then the selfish part came into play because what if you responded with anything other than that you love me too? Would it have made me stop loving you? No. But it would’ve hurt…badly.”

“You honestly think that I don’t?”

“I don’t know, beautiful.”

You can see his weak smile again, and you can picture how this conversation would go if he were in front of you rather than a thousand miles away. With that smile, he’d hold your hand and brush your hair behind your ear. He’d smooth your tears back into your cheeks with his thumb because he’d hate that they’re there before he pulls you into him to kiss you.

“You’ve been through so much,” he says. “I don’t expect you to be in love with me, but that doesn’t mean it wouldn't hurt to hear you confirm it.”

You cry a little harder for the tears that shouldn’t be shedding; for the uncertainty he’s been feeling; for the questions you’ve been asking yourself over the last couple of months. All unnecessary. All of which could’ve been solved had he given you a chance to respond or called you at his first opportunity.

You empathize with why he didn’t. Jake may be a man who doesn’t throw the ‘love’ word around often, but you’re a woman who has refused to throw it out at all. You protect yourself that way. You maintain some semblance of power by never speaking it aloud to someone who would not reciprocate. You understand what it means to tell someone you love them when you’ve lost those you love, and you’ve refused to do it for that purpose. It’s a risk of facing more loss.

But it’s a risk Jake took that would have instantly proved worth it. You only wish he could have known that at the time.

“Jake, I–”

“Please don’t,” he stops you. “I don’t want you to say anything until I get back. Either way, I mean. If you feel how I do, or, you know…if you don’t. I’d rather not know until I’m with you again.”

“You would rather wait months to know how I feel?”

“Well, that’s the thing, beautiful,” he says. “We might be coming home sooner than expected.”

---

tags: @wkndwlff @kmc1989 @sagittarius-flowerchild @dempy @rosiahills22 @oliviah-25 @xoxabs88xox @matisse556 @hardballoonlove @lynnevanss @pono-pura-vida @tgmreader @amgluvsbooks @ravenhood2792 @djs8891 @shakespeareanwannabe @penguin876 @tgmavericklover @athenabarnes @emilyoflanternhill @wretchedmo @shanimallina87 @crowsreadsarahjmaas @mamachasesmayhem @sky2nd @jessicab1991 @rosedurin @averyhotchner @horseshoegirl @roosteraloha @b-bradshaw @elite4cekalyma @buckysteveloki-me @shelbycillian @kissmethric3 @fox-bee926 @hangmandruigandmav @waltermis @fandom-life-12 @a-serene-place-to-be @bruher @tngrace @mamaskillerqueen @emma8895eb @benedictsvestcollection @blackwidownat2814 @himbos-on-ice @hookslove1592 @alwaysclassyeagle

#jake seresin #jake seresin x reader #jake hangman seresin #top gun maverick #jake hangman seresin x reader #jake seresin fic #top gun #jake hangman seresin fic #jake hangman seresin x y/n #top gun hangman #tgm #tgm fic #jake seresin x plus size!reader #jake seresin fanfic #jake seresin fanfiction

316 notes · View notes

punkpandapatrixk · 4 months

Text

Full Wolf Moon in Leo ♦︎ Moon Magick Pick A Card

Heey~ The Full Moon is in Leo!🦁The first thing that intuitively comes to mind with this aenergy is the Solarpunk Society!🌞Leo is ruled by the Sun and this 5th House aenergy talks about our hobbies and passions which are essentially the foundation of our great enterprise—of which energy can be understood by our Midheaven/10th House.

When you really think about it, children dwell in the realm of the 5th House with play and pretend. This whole play and pretend actually contains hints and signs about how they should go about making connections in the world (7th House dealings) so they form bonds with people and enterprises that support the manifestation of their honest desires. Hohoh, ideally speaking it should be like that but what’s ideal in this world anyway?🍣

This Full Wolf Moon in Leo brings invitation for you to look into your 5th House placements as well as where your Sun sign falls in your natal chart, for they carry information that can help you understand your place in the world when you’ve grown up (10th House realm). Everybody was born into this world with a purpose, right? No matter how small or big or if that purpose is meant for a small community or a big society.

A person’s true power does truly come from a clarity of purpose. That’s what the kingly Leo aenergy is all about anyway. You can only be King because you’ve sworn to serve your people and make sure they live happily and abundantly. Well, ideally. This Full Wolf Moon in Leo invites you to look at your hobbies and natural talents, and see if you can monetise those interests in the service of yourself, first and foremost, and then others.

There is so much more to Life than just going where the money dictates, or like, earning your keep through scamming or intimidating others, don’t you think? What do you want to express? How do you want to be remembered when you’re gone? What’s your enterprise and what legacy will it leave? Most of all, what makes you happy, content, fulfilled, satisfied with your own existence whilst still being alive in that carcass of an avatar that your Soul is wearing?👻

Passion is to be lived and potentials explored. Wait no more for the mood to strike or until you’ve got it all figured out. Just start now with whatever you have, whatever you can, and watch yourself grow. Have faith in your innate hobbies and interests for the whole world is just a stage where you perform magnificent deeds for all to watch🎪

[Masterlist] [Patreon] [Paid Readings]

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 1 – Keep Calm and Change Paradigms

h o b b i e s – Queen of Cups

You are by nature someone who has aesthetic hobbies. Your tastes are expensive and you care a lot about the beauty aspect of all that you do. I sense you also love giving gifts and your gifts are always thoughtful and beautifully packaged/decorated. The kind of gifts that you know the receiver needs, has wanted for a long time, or could improve their Life. You’re kind and caring like that. Sometimes, to a point of wearing yourself out. This Full Wolf Moon in Leo invites you to relax a bit.

This is a time to give all your attention and affection to yourself before anybody else. It feels like you haven’t done so in a while. Let yourself relax and not socialise too much, not attend to other people’s businesses or weddings or birthdays or whatever. For now, it’s all about you until the next New Moon at least :D You can go and get a massage all by yourself, watch a movie by yourself, or take up an interesting class all by yourself as well. You could meet new people who could potentially give you a fresh perspective about yourself, your place in the world, or your Life’s future trajectories. Whoa.

p a s s i o n – VI The Lovers Rx

Some of you reading this may indeed, by nature, like to socialise but I sense it is mostly a duty you feel you must fulfil—like maintaining an image or something. Some others may socialise simply to fill some kind of void—because you don’t really know what human beings are supposed to do if they don’t socialise? Yeah, a weird psychology like that. In truth, your Soul likes to be alone. And in terms of working and all that stuff, you kinda need to carve your own path, honestly.

Not saying that people can be completely solitary and thrive in business or work. Of course, we all need people. But before you go on and about making connections with people who don’t really matter, you need to get clear about what kind of enterprise you want to build for yourself, or basically, what kind of contribution you want to be making to society, or just your community. Since you clearly have a penchant for beauty and you like to care for other people, these vibes can hold hints for what it is your Soul wants you to do in this world.

e n t e r p r i s e – 10 of Wands

Some forms of career I’m seeing with these vibes—and these are just vibes, OK? Nurse, flight attendant, health consultant, nutritionist, author, interior designer, wedding planner, hotelier, restauranteur, even a beauty salon or massage parlour owner. There’s a lot about you that screams beauty and relaxation. Your Soul, generally speaking, wants to live a Life of play and relaxation which in some other ways help others have an easier time. Of all the jobs I’ve mentioned, nurse and flight attendant vibes feel the strongest for these people are in the service of making other people have an easier time, a good time, a comfortable recovery or flight. It’s that kind of vibe.

There’s a need for you to pursue a higher career in which your service to the world involves how you yourself transform the way you approach hard work. Hard work that can be just hard play in which you get paid for doing things you would otherwise do unpaid anyway, so~ This Full Moon, do consider which hobbies of yours are your true Soul’s Calling for making the world a better place whilst getting paid for it. A voice in your heart is saying, ‘Fuck hustle culture. People need to heal from the traumas of society and the bullshit of the education system!’

full moon self-care🔻🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 2 – Emulate and Generate a New You

h o b b i e s – Knight of Cups Rx

You know when people say, ‘Fake it till you make it’? It’s valid and has some grounding but my advice to you is, don’t do that. Don’t fake any shit if you wanna be great. That line of thought would not benefit your manifestation in the long run. Or rather, that kind of thinking slows down your manifestation and when it does happen, it’s lower in quality. Witches need to be more aware of how they think when working with manifestations. A higher way of thinking about transforming yourself—whether it involves a physical glowup or the glowup of your mindset, etc.—is emulate, modulate, and then regenerate a newer/higher/nobler/sparklier/awesomer version of yourself~🐣

The reason that you shouldn’t follow the ‘fake it till you make it’ line of thought is that you’re a genuine Soul with a heart made out of passion itself. You’re so much more original than you, or your environment, give yourself credit for. It feels like you haven’t really allowed yourself to fully embrace your own authenticity and so this Full Wolf Moon in Leo is reminding you of your own capacity for being the most iconic bitch in your neighbourhood🦚

p a s s i o n – 3 of Pentacles Rx

And so, what does it matter if others can’t understand what you’re trying to do with your Life? It’s your Life, babe. Other people have their own worlds to live in and if you don’t want to be part of that small world, you’re free to leave. It’s perfectly OK when even those closest to you, those you’ve trusted and depended all this time, can’t understand your passions or life’s priorities because they’re not exactly meant to be part of the world of your visions. Let them do them and you do you. Awesome people need losers to step upon so we look awesome. They can serve their purpose as losers and mediocre shits and you serve your purpose as an iconic Queen. OK? Got it? Good😝

This Full Wolf Moon in Leo is inviting you to imagine what kind of tribe you actually want to have whilst being alive. Your imaginations and daydreams hold the key to manifesting your real Soul Tribe. The more you think about them, the more strongly you believe in that you’re deserving of your ideal friendships, the faster you manifest your actual Soul Tribe in the physical. Your Higher Self is just here reminding you that you do have a few circles of Soul Tribe you’re meant to find and reunite with!🦄

e n t e r p r i s e – 9 of Cups

Many of you choosing this Pile have an interest in being seen by a larger public, right? A majority of you already have some semblance of a social media presence and more of you will eventually do the same. Some of you reading this are literally meant to become some kind of a new age superstar or something. You do have a purpose in being seen by the public, or just this idea of having a social media platform what enables you to connect with an audience. It isn’t vanity; bitch, it’s literally part of your Life Purpose🦋

You’re perfectly supported by your Higher Self to choose to go solo, somewhat, and build your social media empire. You could be selling products or services or be whatever—the possibilities are endless at this point—and one day, when you’re rich and content with your Life, some people from the past are gonna turn to mushy jelly. But what do you care now? You’ve got an audience that fulfils your heart because they genuinely love and appreciate what you do. You won’t be needing anybody’s approval anymore~😎Call me when you’re famous LOL

full moon self-care🔻🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 3 – Born to be Rich, Born to be of Service

h o b b i e s – Knight of Wands

Admit it—you’re blessed with a plethora of talents since birth and you’re damn good at many of those innate abilities because you’re intelligent as fuck!🤩Naturally, not that many people are lucky enough to know what it feels to be you. But with so many talents, I sense you’ve also suffered from a great deal of heavy expectations put upon you by…yourself? You’re quite hard on you, you know. You expect a lot out of yourself. This urge to do great things in the world is only your Higher Self’s nudge for you to recognise this potential of yours—to become a motherfucking GOAT🐐

Rest assured, if you’ve chosen this as your main pile, there’s a veeery specific role you’re meant to fulfil in this world, in this passage of time. Some of you could’ve known what this role is since you were born and some of you will just naturally figure this out as you grow older. Don’t fret, my dear. You really are meant for a very unique, unorthodox existence, and seeing as the world is rapidly heading towards chaos, your time to shine is only drawing nearer and nearer as the People are growing desperately in need of an exemplary Rebel of the New World!🥨

p a s s i o n – 8 of Pentacles

Anyhow, you didn’t study a lot at school, right? LMAO You weren’t exactly what people would call a model student. You were always just doing your own thing—whether it was daydreaming or reading or drawing or playing video games. You were drowning in your own world—visions, silly daydreams—all because your Soul was trying to remind you what you came here to do. You were never meant to fit in. You’re here only temporarily and whilst at it, you’re supposed to be a freak. Ah, yes, a freako, indeed. You’re supposed to push, even break, boundaries. Because most Human beings live such boring existence.

You weren’t supposed to be a model student, but rather, a model Human. Bitch, you’re THE prototype! You were born to be of service through your own personal experiences with ego death and transform yourself to be the physical embodiment of the divinity that is your Higher Self. Perfectly embodied in Human form—in that sense, you’re a prototype of a highly more positively-polarised future possibility of Mankind. Shit, I hope that makes sense.

e n t e r p r i s e – 4 of Pentacles Rx

One day, when you’re proudly walking the path meant for your Highest Intended Good, you will be helping others financially or at least you will be lifting people up from the common affliction of a poverty mindset—different types, all kinds of poverty mindsets. You’ve got a talent, some kind of swag about you that can inspire SASS, even pettiness, that is of the more empowering variant. You’ll be showing people how to be unapologetically themselves and how you can’t be shaken by stupid opinions because you’re clear about your self-worth.

You do understand a lack of self-worth is also a form of ‘poverty’ mindset, right? Your enterprise in the future will have you in communication, direct or indirect, with a loooot of people. Even your own family members will find you incredibly inspiring. Many of you reading this…this is your confirmation that you’re THE cycle breaker of your lineage’s generational karma. You’ll become the first celeb, the first university graduate, the first billionaire, the first president, the first whatever awesome thing in your recent lineage that you’re meant to be, and you’ll be so proud of yourself!🥂

full moon self-care🔻🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

[Masterlist] [Patreon] [Paid Readings]

180 notes · View notes

thesensteawitch · 7 months

Text

🩷🌹🩷🌹🩷🌹🩷🌹Yours And Your Future Spouse's Energy Check!🌹🩷🌹🩷🌹🩷🌹🩷

Pick A Pile Reading

(Left to Right- Pile 1, Pile 2, Pile 3)

Hey, Senstea Souls!

I am back with another collective tarot reading for you all. Choose a pile intuitively and if you are not sure you can read your energy check. If it doesn't resonate then feel free to choose another pile.😊

At the end of each pile, I have also mentioned a spread that can help you FIND YOUR TRUE LOVE.🫶🏼

Booking Form|Rate Card|Tip My Jar

🩷Happy Reading🩷

Pile 1

Your energy check:

Cards: Strength, 8 of Cups, 9 of Swords, 6 of Pentacles

Spirit animal: Lizard

You are a very strong individual pile 1. You have learned a lot through heartbreaks and every kind of relationship in your life. People around you teach you a lot. You know that with pain comes wisdom. You stick to people or situations longer than you should. You are very passionate. Some of you even want to be the center of attention. I sense Leo's energy. But unfortunately, those around you somehow disappoint you. You try your best to walk away from toxic relations but you haven't completely let go of them. You carry the baggage and think of them when the moon takes over the sky. Your mind wanders to every place that has caused you pain. Pile 1, this way you'll sabotage the happy moments of your life. Give your thoughts a redirection. You're very giving. But your lesson in this lifetime is to live within limits because the receiver knows no limit. You have to keep your balance in life. Deep down you know that crowd overwhelms you. You have a strong perception of people's energy. You can sense their true intentions but you don't know how to move past that. You don't know how to handle all that sensory information. You don't need to worry about pile 1. The answer is simple. Take a step back. Do not get yourself involved in everything. Take time for yourself. You'll be fine. God bless you!

Your future spouse's energy:

Cards: 7 of Cups, Page of Swords, Ace of Wands, King of Wands

Spirit animal: Zebra

Well, pile 1 your future spouse will be somebody who will have too many interests. They may appear naive but deep down they won't be. They will have an abundance of knowledge. They will love traveling. Everything about this world will fascinate them. Magic is something they will truly believe in. They will have a balanced masculine and feminine energy. New ideas keep popping into their head. They will be emotional, witty, and passionate about what they love but they might lack stability. They may struggle to settle. They may have strong Sagittarius placement. Nothing will satisfy them so easily. They would want something extraordinary in life. They can be of a different nationality. They will be artistic. They would like to have an intellectually stimulating conversation with you. If you are with them you'll never feel bored. They will have so much to talk about. You'll travel with them a lot. Their magic and spontaneity will be contagious. Also, they would be someone who loves to teach and guide others. They will have a philosophical viewpoint on life. They may also be stubborn. It will be difficult for you to change their mind. You will be the one following their lead. Their presence will pull you out of the emotional rut you have been in. They will always be a reason for the smile on your face. They will bring the sun with them. They will challenge you in life which might make you a bit uncomfortable at first but there will be a greater purpose behind you both coming together.

Book Your Finding True Love Reading Only At $10

Pile 2

Your energy check:

Cards: The Hermit, Emperor, The Hierophant, Queen of Pentacles

Spirit Animal: Firefly

You're an old soul, pile 2. You work so hard for the betterment of the world. You are a fair person and that's inspiring. You may seem intimidating to a lot of people. But at the same time, they come to you for advice because they know that no one else can guide them better than you. You are the light people search for in their darkest of times. You empathize with others because you have seen the polarities of life. Deep down you have the skill, talent, and whatever it takes to create a stable and abundant life for yourself. You may face a lot of hardships during your lifetime but the result is always going to be massive because of your just and honest nature. You may have strong Saturn or Pluto placements. You may be a Libra or an Aquarius. You may feel burnout pretty often. It's very important for you, pile 2, to give yourself time to relax. Allow yourself to take a break. Don't feel guilty about doing nothing. Sometimes that's all we are supposed to do in fact just be and stay in the moment. Your hard work will give you such profound wisdom that one day you'll be sharing it with the world. You'll be looking up to in life. God bless you!

Your future spouse's energy:

Cards: Two of Wands, 3 of Swords, Queen of Cups, Magician

Spirit Animal: Lion

Your future spouse will be somebody who gets trapped in their ego. They will have great plans and huge wishes but they will remain in their mind for longer than they should. When it comes to action they might run away. They will be afraid to be vulnerable. They will not want the world to see their soft side or true side. Deep down they will be like a magician. They can manifest anything they want. They will have the resources to create a wonderful life for themselves but they won't have enough faith in themselves. It will be difficult for them to move on from their past hurt. They may hide themselves from the world but you will be the key to finally helping them release those emotions out of their system. They can be a writer and their creativity will be affected due to the baggage they have been carrying. You will be their key to unlock the door and set them free. They will need to see the world beyond the four walls. They will know that they are in their head but they won't do anything about coming out of it unless someone shows them the way. I hear, “I can't escape this now unless you show me how.” Your future spouse more likely will have their own business. They may seem withdrawn and too serious at first but gradually as you will give them reasons to trust them they may be interested in being your friend. Because you will be their strength which they have lost. I hear the song ‘Strong’ by One Direction. Maybe listen to it. There can be a message for you.

Book Your Finding True Love Reading Only At $10

Pile 3

Your energy check:

Cards: Knight of Wands, 7 of Swords, 3 of Wands, The Sun

Spirit Animal: Camel, Tarantula

You are always on the lookout for something more. You may have noticed this in your past relationships as well. You always feel that there's something better out there. But it's not true. At times you fool yourself into believing that what good is in front of you is never going to be good enough for you. You are not afraid to take risks in relationships. You are a bit naive when it comes to love. You are carefree like a child. You think that it's okay if you make mistakes. You may have been forgiven many times in the past. Are you the younger child in your family? Perhaps some of you are! The idea of love is very much intellectual for you rather than emotional. You think of love but you don't know how to feel it within you. Especially for someone else. You know what receiving love feels like but you don't know what loving someone feels like. And I think that is what your soul craves. To love someone else truly and deeply. Some of you may also think that you're going to find your lover while traveling. Perhaps, that's what you need. You need to travel. Maybe just like the Before trilogy, you may find your person on a train and may have some cool talk with them. And if nothing of that sort happens then also you'll learn a lot in solitude. I sense strong fire energy (Leo, Sagittarius, Aries). God bless you, pile 3.

Your future spouse's energy:

Cards: Page of Swords, 9 of Wands, 7 of Cups, Temperance

Spirit Animal: Starfish

Your future spouse is going to be everything that you are not. They will be filling the gaps. They will be attuned to their emotions. They will be a package of everything. The emotions that you run from they will make you confront them. They will be involved in a lot of pursuits. You'll be surprised how a single person can do so many things. They may have a high temper but deep down they will be trying to control it and balance their emotions in front of you. They will not like to burst out in front of you so don't test their patience. They may appear an amateur but believe me they won't be. Self-doubt is something they may struggle with and you'll have to be patient with them. They may be somebody who gossips a lot. You'll be mesmerized by looking at them. They'll have beautiful facial features. As per the current energies I see that you two may not seem comparatible at first but you both are going to mirror each other. This can be a karmic relationship. The person will appear to be the complete opposite of yours. There will be a lot of passion and emotions involved from your Spouse's side. This quality can overwhelm you. It may also be difficult for you to handle their emotions. They may daydream a lot. Their life may lack focus. Deep down they think they know how to remain focused but in reality, they will be sabotaging their emotions until they all come out like an emotional breakdown. So many interests can easily distract them in life. You'll need to help them concentrate on one thing at a time.

Book Your Finding True Love Reading Only At $10

#future spouse #fs reading #fs #tarot readings #pick a pile #pick a pile reading #pick a pile tarot #tarot cards #tarot reading #tarot reader #tarotblr #future spouse reading #love reading #love tarot reading #love tarot spread #true love #message for the collective #pac reading #pick one

247 notes · View notes

bloatedandalone04 · 8 months

Text

Wrapped Around Your Finger - Part 0.2

Series Masterlist | Original Fic

➪in which anakin returns home from the band meeting with some exciting information about his future while you also receive some news regarding your own.

PSA: strongly suggested to read the warnings before proceeding.

WC; 5.6k | Do not repost this anywhere, reblogs are fine ♡

It was nearing eight when Anakin finally returned home. You look up at him from your place on the new couch when he enters the living room, a small smile on your lips when he meets your eye. “Y/n,” he rasped as he braced his hands on either side of the doorframe. “That was a lot longer than I expected it to be. I’m sorry.”

Shrugging, you place your phone next to you on the couch and gesture for him to come over. “It’s alright, I figured it must be something important if your manager was keeping you,”

He walks further into the room and eyes the dark velvet couch. “When did this come?”

“A few hours after you left,” you answer as he sits next to you. “It came with a coffee and side table, but the delivery guys couldn’t put them together for me. I told them my boyfriend would.” You give him a teasing grin and he shakes his head.

“Yeah, alright,” he mumbles and leans back. “I’ll have one of the guys come over tomorrow or something and we’ll put together all the new furniture.”

You nod and move closer to him. “Okay,” you trace your fingers up and down his arm that didn’t have any tattoos at all and debate on whether or not you should tell him that you ended up sending in an application to that school in London. If you told him now then didn’t get in, you’d be embarrassed, but then again, you knew he would never let you feel embarrassed about anything, so what the hell. “I sent an application in for that program.”

Anakin lifts his head and looks over at you. “For the one in London?” He asks and you nod. He gives you a somewhat forced smile and reaches over to lace his fingers with yours. “That’s great, baby. You’ll get accepted, you’re too smart not to.”

You grin and press a kiss to the back of his hand. “Still down for coming with me?” He stiffened a bit then tried to play it off, but you caught onto it. “What? Did you change your mind?”

He shakes his head. “No, it’s not that. London would be so fucking fun to go to with you, but I’m not sure I’d actually be able to,”

You furrow your brows. “Why not?”

He looks conflicted for a second before finally meeting your eyes as he sits up straight. “Helena says we’ve been given a few extra locations to perform at. They’ve been added to the tour, basically,”

You give him a confused look. “But the tour is over. It has been for months,”

“I know, but it’s been extended as of the end of this month,” he says and you break eye contact in order to stare at the floor in slight shock.

“They can do that?”

“I guess so,” he mumbled. “She also wants us to record more songs as soon as we’ve got a draft ready. Something about needing to keep the hype alive and to get people excited for the new tour locations.”

You nod slowly and turn back to face him, giving him a weary expression. “So, what does that mean? You’re going back on tour?”

Anakin shrugs sadly. “Yeah, in a few weeks,” he confirms and runs his thumb over your knuckles. “But I don’t want this to affect your decision of going to that school, okay? I want to go with you, and I want you to come with me, but I also want you to do this for yourself. You’ve worked too hard to not give it a try.”

A silence passes over the two of you for a few seconds as you try to process everything.

Anakin was going on tour again, and you had just applied for the writing program. He wanted you to go with him, but he also wanted you to go to London. The course would only be a few months, so you wouldn’t be away from him for too long, but it still didn’t make it any easier.

“I might not even get in,” you remind him and move so you’re pressed against his side. “And I want to go with you. Who else will silently cheer you on from backstage?”

He pulls you tight against him and kisses the side of your head. “Hopefully no one,” he says. “Your spot backstage is just that, yours. It’s no one else’s….even if you can’t come with me this time.”

You hum and fist his shirt in your hand. “We’ll just have to see what happens,”

After you and Anakin spend the rest of the night on the couch and in each other’s arms, you end up heading to bed at one in the morning. It was nearing ten when you pulled yourself out of the empty bed and made your way down the hall, pausing as you passed by the living room.

Anakin is busy hooking up the TV as you lean against the doorframe, eyeing his shirtless torso. “Wow, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes,” you tease and watch as he turns to look over at you.

“Wow, look who got up after me for once,” he teased back as he hooked up the HDMI cord.

“I know, I’m surprised, too,” you say and push off the frame. “Why are you up so early, anyway?”

Anakin plugs the TV cord into the wall before pulling you into his side and pressing a kiss to your lips. “Vin called me a while ago,” he answered. “I answered it before it woke you up, too, and I couldn’t fall asleep after that. Figured I’d get a start on hooking this up.”

He gestured to the TV and you nodded, nuzzling closer to him. “Is he coming over later?”

“Yeah, him and Theo,” he said. “We’re going to write a bit after putting together the coffee table and your shelf, that was the deal I made with them.”

You shake your head and laugh. “Now that is not surprising,”

He laughs and sets the cord down to give you his full attention. “Hey, have you heard back from that program yet? Did you check your email for any follow ups?”

Your smile drops a bit as you shake your head. “No,” you answer.

Anakin gives you a small grin as he presses a kiss to your temple. “I bet you had the best application that school has ever seen,” he hypes you up and it helps more than he probably knew. You were smiling by the time he added, “You’ll hear back soon, I’m sure, and with good news.”

You grin and he kisses you again, much deeper than the last one. It made it hard to pull away from, but you somehow managed to so you could go make something to eat.

As you wait for the stove to heat up so you can make pancakes, you go on Instagram and immediately let out a scream at the first post that showed up in your feed. At the sound of your scream, Anakin practically sprints into the kitchen and looks around as if scanning the room for any sign of immediate danger. “What? What’s wrong?”

You look up at him and meet his eye as you say, “You, you’re what’s wrong,”

Anakin gives you a confused look as he takes your phone from you when you shoved it into his hand. He hesitantly takes his eyes off you in order to find out what made you scream like that, and almost immediately felt his face heat up at what he was met with on your phone. “I…oh,”

“When the fuck did you get those taken? And why the fuck didn’t you give me a warning so I could’ve mentally prepared myself to see that?”

Anakin’s lips sport an embarrassed smile as he hands your phone back to you. “I didn’t realize that they were posting those today,” he says, referring to the photos from the shoot he did during his last week on tour. He was called in for a quick interview with SLACKERS Magazine and had a couple pictures taken to go with the interview, but he completely forgot about it until now.

It was done on the day you were stuck in the bus with food poisoning, so you really had no idea he had even done this, and he probably should have given you a heads up, but he genuinely just forgot. The photo that was on the cover was one of him shirtless and covered in mud, and he was surprised that he actually had a lot of fun taking those pictures. That was his first time on a photoshoot set, and he knew it wouldn’t be his last.

“You didn’t realize? What the fuck, Ani! You look hot,” you gushed over him as you scrolled through the pictures again. “You really need to make an Instagram account so you can post these. Imagine all the likes you’d get.”

He instantly shot that idea down. “Not a chance,”

“Oh, come on, Ani, it’s fun! You can read all the sappy captions I’ve written about you over the past four years,” you teased and he just laughed.

“That’s tempting,” he shook his head with a smile and pressed a quick kiss to your mouth. “I’ll think about it.”

You playfully roll your eyes and push on his chest. “Don’t be such an old man and get Instagram,”

He softly glared at you. “I said I’d think about it,” he called out as he left the kitchen in order to get the TV working before the guys came over.

“Quit being such an old man and make an account,” Vinny mumbled as he scribbled down a potential lyric onto a page of the notebook in front of him.

Anakin sits up straight, pausing the flicking of his pencil as he looks over at his friend. “You’re the second person that called me an old man today,” he says and ignores the quiet laugh that leaves Theo from his spot on the ottoman. “Y/n called me that, too.”

Vinny shrugged, looking up from the notebook. “She’s not wrong, man,” he replied and tossed the book aside so he could lean back on the couch. “You’re missing out, that’s all. Our band’s account has over three million followers now, and I bet you had no idea.”

Anakin’s eyes widen in shock as he sets his own notebook down. “Seriously? Three million?” He asks and both Vinny and Theo nod at him. “Y/n updates me sometimes, but we were barely at two million the last time she told me.”

Vinny shrugged again and leaned over to sip on his beer. “That was probably before we released Sugar,” he thought out loud. “That song did really well and gave us a lot of exposure on TikTok.”

Smirking, Anakin looks away before he slipped up and told the guys what inspired him to write that song - as if the lyrics weren’t enough of a giveaway. A month before moving to this apartment, Anakin went down on you in the middle of packing and was instantly hit with a song idea after he got you off. He even postponed your offer of a round two in order to scribble out a draft of the song.

He refined it a week later and got the guys to add whatever they wanted to it, and a few weeks after that it was released.

The song was very obviously about going down on a girl, more specifically, you, and he supposed that was enough to get them trending on that dumb app once again.

“We should add Sugar to the setlist,” Theo suggested as he strummed the strings on his bass.

Anakin perked up at that as he dropped the book onto the coffee table he and Vinny put together an hour or so ago and pulled out his phone. “That’s a great idea,” he agreed and knew that would probably be his new favorite song to perform live. He scrolled through the app store and muttered something under his breath before installing Instagram.

After messing around with the app for a bit, he had made his username ‘anakin_skywalker’ and uploaded a photo you took of him when he was looking out the window of the tour bus a few months back as his profile picture. He browsed through his gallery before settling on a selfie of the two of you he took on the last day of tour. You were both smiling and squinting at the camera as you tried to block the sun from your eyes, and it was probably one of his favorite photos of you and him.

He made that picture his first post with the caption being a simple red heart.

Anakin was still shocked to see that the band’s account did, in fact, have over three million followers when he followed it himself, as well as Vinny, Theo and you. Once he’s done stalking your account and scrolling through all the photos of you he had never seen before, he sets his phone down and that is when he hears the door to the bedroom open and the sound of fast paced footsteps coming down the hall.

“Anakin! You made an account!” You cheer as you throw yourself onto his lap. “I knew you’d give in.”

He rolled his eyes and wrapped his arms around your waist. “Not really, I just wanted to see if we really did hit three million followers. Thanks for telling me, by the way,”

“Oh, whatever,” you scoffed and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Your first post is us! I love that picture.”

Anakin grinned down at you. “Me too, princess,” he kissed you quickly. “But I’m a bit annoyed that I had to put a stupid underscore in my username. Seriously, who the fuck took ‘anakinskywalker’ when that’s literally the most unique name ever?”

“Fan account, probably,” Vinny answered before waving at you. “Hey, Y/n. Will we be blessed to have you join us on tour again?”

You tense a bit in Anakin’s arms, something you’re sure he noticed but didn’t say anything about, thankfully. “Maybe. I applied for this program thing that is set around the same time the tour starts,”

“Ah,” Vinny nods and smiles at you. “That’s cool.”

“It’s very cool,” Anakin corrects him as he slides one hand up to caress the back of your head. “My girl’s the smartest one out of all of us combined.”

Theo tilts the neck of his beer bottle in your direction. “Now that’s very true,” he smiled at you and you shook your head, wrapping one arm around your boyfriend’s shoulders.

“You think too highly of me, all of you,” you brush off their words and stand up. Anakin reluctantly lets you go and leans back against the couch, eyeing the small tattoo on the side of your wrist as you look at your phone. “Wow, Ani, you’ve already got nineteen thousand followers.”

“Fuck,” he laughed and looked at your screen when you showed him. “Is it too late to delete it now?”

“Yes,” you confirm and lean down to place a chaste kiss to his mouth. “So don’t bother.”

Anakin tries to pull you back onto his lap, but you just grin at him before pulling away completely and shoving your phone in your pocket.

“I’ll leave you guys to continue writing and go get dinner,” you say and begin to back out of the room “Any requests?”

“Get Chinese food,” Theo suggests, adding a quick “Please” once he saw the glare Anakin gave him at his demanding words to you.

You laugh and lightly slap Anakin’s shoulder, instantly making his glare soften. “Be nice, it’s okay,” you murmur. “Chinese food it is. I’ll be back soon.”

Anakin watched your retreating form until you disappeared around the corner and left through the door. When he turned back to the guys, he found them smirking at him. “Dude, you are so whipped,” Vinny laughed as he picked up his notebook.

Anakin rolled his eyes. “As if I wasn’t already aware of that,”

“How will you make it without her if she does this program thing?” Theo asks, making Anakin look over at the blond.

He really hadn’t thought about it, simply because he didn’t want to imagine going on tour without you there to cheer him on from backstage. He wanted you to do this program and wanted you to make a career out of it, but he also wanted you with him every day.

For nearly five years he hadn’t spent longer than a week away from you, and that was including all the times he had to sneak you into his parents house back when you were both seventeen.

He couldn’t imagine spending more than a couple months without you. In fact, he was sure he physically couldn’t be away from you for that long. “I don’t know,” he answered as honestly as he could, not wanting to come off as even more whipped for you. “We’ll figure it out. We always do.”

The guys just nod and go back to writing lyrics and notes, leaving Anakin to get lost inside his own head as he thought about the very real possibility of having to be without you in a few weeks.

A week goes by and Anakin has yet to see what the hype about Instagram is.

He had over five hundred thousand followers now and still only one post, and even that had over three hundred thousand likes. He really only went on it to do exactly what you knew he would, which is to read your sappy but very romantic captions about him.

Your latest one was probably his favorite so far, and it was a harsh dig at him.

Y/nY/l/n: my 21 year old bf finally got ig and already has more followers than me and i’ve been here for seven years. seven. years. let that sink in, show off. you can delete it now.

The picture was one of you and him on the couch, both your tongues sticking out and hazy looks in your eyes.

He had to laugh because you both looked high, despite neither of you ever touching a drug a day in your lives. Alcohol, on the other hand…well that’s a different story.

“Maybe making an Instagram account was a bad idea,” Vinny commented as he looked over at Anakin from his place on the chair. “The dude won’t stop stalking his girlfriend’s account even though he lives with her.”

“What did you expect? More than half our songs are about Y/n,” Theo added and Anakin just shook his head and pocketed his phone.

“You’d be the same way if you landed yourselves a girl like her,” was all he said as he sat up in his own chair.

“Hey, Clara is amazing, too,” Vinny defended his girlfriend, but there was no doubting that yours and Anakin’s relationship is a lot stronger than his and Clara’s. “And Theo is just a lost cause.”

Theo stuck his middle finger up as the two other guys laughed. “Thanks, asshole,” he mumbled as he looked back down at his phone.

Vinny narrowed his eyes. “You’ve been looking at that all morning, man,” he points out. “Is everything okay?”

Anakin, too, noticed Theo’s recent phone obsession, but isn’t as vocal as Vinny is about that kind of thing, clearly. Vinny had no problem calling people out, and Anakin had to appreciate it to an extent, because he had been called out by him more times than he could count on one hand. It saved his ass many times when he got into disagreements with you and Vinny was the one who told him he needed to apologize.

Theo sighed and placed his phone on the coffee table. “It’s my mom,” he said as he crossed his arms. “She’s been feeling really sick lately and my sister and I are getting pretty worried about her.”

“Damn,” Vinny said under his breath, suddenly feeling bad about calling out his friend now.

“Is she okay? Should you be going back on tour right now with her feeling sick?” Anakin asked as he leaned over and braced his elbows on his knees.

“She’s just not well, man,” Theo shrugged. “I told her about the tour and she said that I should go have fun and that Mary can look after her while I’m gone.”

Anakin nods and shares a look with Vinny. “We can ask Helena if we can push the tour back a few more months,” Vinny offers, but Theo just shook his head.

“No, it’s alright,” he waved his bandmates off. “I want to go back on tour. It’ll take my mind off it.”

“Okay,” Anakin said and leaned back in the chair. “Just keep us updated.”

Theo nodded as he asked, “Where is Helena, anyway?”

Vinny shrugged and leaned back. “She’s usually on time, so whatever is keeping her must be important,”

As if on cue, the door to the lounge opens and in walks their manager, done up in dress pants and a blouse. Her heels are loud against the floor as she makes her way over to them, a smile on her painted red lips and a folder in her hand. “Sorry, boys,” she apologizes as she sits next to Theo around the coffee table. “Traffic is no joke in this part of the city.”

Anakin laughs in agreement as he, too, got held up earlier this morning but still managed to make it to the studio by ten in the morning. “No worries, we get it,”

She gives him a grateful smile as she places her papers onto the table and leans over to scatter them around. “Okay, so you all know that you’re the first band I’ve ever managed, so we’re really learning how to do this together,” she starts, looking up at the three of them. “I was thinking that we need to do something to promote the shows that have been added. The tour ended a couple months ago, and I’m sorry to say this, but Sugar can only get us so far. It was a hit, yeah, but the fans need more. I’m really going to need you guys in the studio and making more music than you have so far. If you want to keep doing this for many years to come, we need more songs out by the time the next tour comes around.”

The thought of not singing or making music in the future was one Anakin didn’t want to think about, so he quickly pushed back his witty remarks and sat up even straighter, giving Helena his full attention as she began to go over a possible option for promo.

You were at home alone and bored as Anakin had been whisked away to yet another band meeting.

You were organizing your books when your phone went off from its place on the desk. Standing up from your crouched position and pushing away the box of hard covers, you grab your phone and click on the notification. It brought you to your email and your eyes widened a bit when you read the subject.

Y/n, Congratulations!

Your hand was shaking a bit as you clicked on the email and read the first sentence.

Dear Y/n,

We are thrilled to congratulate you on your acceptance into the Writing Program here at the Dun-Walsh Academy.

You nearly dropped your phone as you read through the email about ten times before it really hit you.

You did it. You got accepted. You did it.

You squeal a bit and jump up and down on the spot while hugging your phone to your chest, wishing that Anakin would hurry up and come home so you could share the news with him.

Anakin.

You stopped jumping instantly as you remembered that he is going on tour again in a couple of weeks and wouldn’t be able to go with you to London like he wanted to.

“Shit,” you curse to yourself as you read the email again.

You wanted to attend this school a lot more than you initially thought, but you also didn’t want to go without Anakin. You wanted to go on tour with him again and be his quiet cheerleader backstage.

“Fuck,” you curse again and walk out of the shared office and into the living room. Sitting down on the couch and picking at your nails, you debate your options.

One; go to London, take the program and miss out on Anakin’s tour.

Or,

Two; bail on the program and go on tour with him.

You were missing out on something either way.

There will be other writing opportunities, right?

As awful as it sounds, you would rather choose Anakin over your own future, and that was a scary thought, but it was true.

You were sitting there for about fifteen minutes before the door swung open and the sound of footsteps was heard. “Baby?” Anakin called out and you sat up a bit and set your phone aside.

“In the living room,” you called back and watched as your boyfriend entered the room not even a second later. “Hi.”

“Hey, pretty girl,” he said back as he leaned down to place a deep kiss to your mouth. He caressed your face as he pulled you back in for another quick peck before grinning down at you. “I missed you.”

“I missed you,”

He smiled again and moved to sit next to you. “What’d you get up to today?”

You shrugged and picked up your phone again. “Nothing too exciting,” you answer. “Just sorted through a few more boxes.”

Anakin nodded and ran the tips of his fingers along the skin of your bare thigh. Your shorts did nothing to cover your legs from his intense gaze, and you swallow harshly as he mumbles a “That’s good,” in his deep, raspy voice. He leaned in to kiss you again, a much deeper one than before, and you moan quietly against his mouth. He hummed as he pulled away, “I love that sound.”

“Some would say you love it so much that you would put it in a song,” you teased, referring to the fact that he did include a recording of your moan in a song.

He shrugged, smirking at you as he said, “The world needed to hear how hot you sound in bed,”

“Mhm, sure,”

Anakin shrugged again before dropping the smirk a bit and moving to hold your hand in his. “Something’s on your mind,” he commented, lacing your fingers together and resting your joined hands on his thigh. “What is it?”

You knew he would be able to read you like an open book as soon as he returned home, so you didn’t bother hiding how you were feeling from him. “I heard back from that school,” you say and watch as he nods, urging you to continue. “I got accepted.”

Anakin stays still as his eyes flicker all over your face. His hand tightened around yours just slightly as he exhaled through his nose before smiling over at you. “I knew you would,” he brought your hand up to his mouth and pressed a kiss to the back of it. “I’m so proud of you.”

Unable to stop yourself, you move so you’re straddling him and his hands are on your hips instantly. “But you’re going back on tour,” you point out. “You can’t come with me to London.”

Anakin gives you a forced smile. “We’ll figure it out,” he assured you, but it didn’t help much. “Yeah, I’m going on tour, but that’s my future. This is yours.”

You bite down on your lip as you process his words. “But we’ve never been away from each other for that long,” you nearly whisper. “Not since we were in high school.”

“It’s okay, baby,” he promised, kissing your forehead. “We’ll be fine, we always are. It’s only a few months, and I think Helena said that one of the new tour locations is in London, so you can come see that one. I’ll need my biggest fan at one of the shows, at least.”

You nod and wrap your arms around his shoulders. “I’ll give it up for you,” you murmured. “You know that.”

“I know you would,” he responds and pulls you against his chest. “And I love you for that, but I can’t hold you back from making a potential career out of this. I couldn’t, not after you’ve been so supportive of me and the band.”

You sigh and rest your head on his shoulder. “We have two weeks until the tour,” you inform him. “Two weeks until I need to be in London.”

Anakin pulled you even closer, inhaling your sweet vanilla scent he knew he would be missing for months. “Then we better start making up for lost time now,”

And that was how you found yourself completely exposed to his lust filled eyes as you break in the new couch by fucking him on it.

Your clothing was strewn around the room and some of it hung off the couch as you sunk down on him at a fast pace. You were both pent up and anxious about having to spend three months away from one another, and you were putting that frustration into the way you fucked yourself onto him. “I love you, Ani,” you promised as you grind your hips against his.

Anakin tilted his head so it was against the backrest of the couch, his firm grip on your waist helping you move on him. “I love you, too,” he said under his breath, sliding one hand to the front of your body so his thumb can rub harsh circles onto your clit. “I’m so fucking proud of you, princess. I always am.”

You sigh as you lean down to connect your lips in a kiss. “You feel so good, Ani,” you whispered, brushing your lips against his as you spoke. “Gonna make me come.”

“I want you to, baby,” he rasped, pinching your clit in a way that left you shaking against him. “I want it all over me.”

Your body shook a bit as your orgasm ripped through you, the rolling of your hips stalling as you cried out against his mouth. “Fuck, Ani, fuck,” you whine as he grips your waist to be able to thrust up into you.

“That’s my girl,” he murmured as he kissed all over your neck, the relentless clench of your walls making his vision blur a bit. “My good girl.”

His sweet praises make you whimper and cling to him tightly. “Anakin, please,” you begged. You were so sensitive, but you also needed to feel him fill you up because you would be missing out on the feeling of him for months.

You seriously couldn’t believe you were considering leaving him for three months. That’s a whole quarter of a year. Your five year anniversary is coming up next month, are you really willing to spend your half a decade milestone away from him?

“Please…what?” He teased, but his voice wasn’t mocking at all. “What, pretty girl? What do you need?”

Your body shook as you tried your best to hold yourself up. “I need you,” you whispered and wrapped your arms around his shoulders, pulling his body right up against yours. “Need it.”

“Yeah? You need it?” He asked, sliding his hands up your back and pulling you roughly down against him. His lips press against yours with every fuck of his hips and he filled you so well, you didn’t think you could ever get enough of him. “Need me to fill you up? Keep you nice and full for when those London boys think they have a chance with you?”

“God, Anakin,” you moan, rarely ever getting to see his jealous side come out. He never had a reason to get jealous as yours and his relationship was pretty obvious to anyone with eyes, so no one ever tried anything with either of you. Sure, people looked, but that was as far as it went. “Do it.”

And Anakin was never one to deny your wishes.

With a couple more thrusts he was spilling himself deep within your wet walls and painting you white. “There you go, princess,” he grunts. “Take it.”

You moan breathlessly and release your tight grip on him, softly running your hands through his hair. “Fuck,”

Anakin laughs quietly, wrapping his arms around you and gently rubbing your hips in his large hands. “We’re going to have to do that non-stop until we’re both satisfied enough to be able to not have sex for three months,”

You smile at him, brushing your nose against his as you say, “I’ll come visit whenever I can. Honestly, I don’t think I can go that long without you,”

“Me either,” he agreed. “Please, come visit me whenever you can. I’ll buy the plane ticket or whatever you’ll use to come back to me, but please, come visit me.”

You nod and nuzzle your face in the crook of his neck. “You know I will, Ani,”

While you were both reassured for now, doubts and worries were beginning to linger in the backs of both yours and Anakin’s heads, but neither of you would ever admit it.

244 notes · View notes

elicathebunny · 5 months

Text

THE POWER OF WORDS AND THOUGHTS.

(I have searched for information online and gathered it into one place, I have linked the og sources.)

Negative or Positive can be injected into the mind if repeated enough times.

No matter what you say, positive or negative. Whatever is repeated enough times will become part of your belief system because you begin to believe it. Once you think, you begin to believe, and once you believe, you begin to act according to those beliefs.

words -> thoughts -> beliefs -> actions

e.g. negative talk -> low self esteem -> neglect self positive talk -> good self image -> nurturing self The way we think about something greatly impacts our emotions and actions.

We can literally do whatever we want at this moment. If I wanted to exercise I could, If I wanted to lose weight I could, If I wanted to start a business I could. But It's the learned beliefs and the restrictions around us that prevent us from doing so: Procrastination, Distractions, Trauma, Fear, Impatience, etc.

To hack the mind, we must first understand it.

The three levels of awareness:

Conscious mind: This contains all of the thoughts, memories, feelings, and wishes of which we are aware at any given moment. This is the aspect of our mental processing that we can think and talk about rationally. This also includes our memory, which is not always part of consciousness but can be retrieved easily and brought into awareness.

Preconscious: This consists of anything that could potentially be brought into the conscious mind.

Unconscious (or subconscious) mind: This is a reservoir of feelings, thoughts, urges, and memories that are outside of our conscious awareness. Most of the contents of the unconscious are unacceptable or unpleasant, such as feelings of pain, anxiety, or conflict.’

Understanding the Brain:

The conscious mind is creative, it creates all your personal desires, wishes, what you want to do with your life and more. Your conscious mind can learn easily from seeing people doing things, watching a movie, reading a book, cooking or walking.

The conscious level consists of all those things we are aware of, including things that we know about ourselves and our surroundings. The preconscious consists of those things we could pay conscious attention to if we so desired, and where many memories are stored for easy retrieval.

The subconscious mind goes beyond learning new skills. It's involved in information processing and affects everything we think, say and do. It stores our beliefs and values, determines our memories and monitors the information all around us, deciding what to send to the conscious mind and what to store for later.

When you receive a stimulus and there is a habit in the subconscious mind related to that stimulus, it will automatically engage in its related behaviour. That’s what a habit is, all it takes is a stimulus and the behavior will play itself out.

-> The conscious mind changes easily, whereas the subconscious mind is more stubborn:

Thoughts come and go in your conscious mind. It constantly changes. Your subconscious mind takes a little bit more than that to be convinced about the change you’ve been proposing lately. No, it won’t change until you keep repeating it forever.

-> Your subconscious mind is designed to keep the learned program. -> Want to change your subconscious responses? Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

How to deal with negative self-talk:

ANTs: (ANT stands for automatic negative thought) Some examples of ANTs in your life might be “that person hates me” “I have nothing going for me” or “I’m never going to be happy.” ANTs tend to just pop into our heads without any warning.

First, identify the ANT that you’re dealing with. Right now, just think of any automatic negative thought that regularly comes to mind. It can help to write your ANT down on paper, especially if you’re a visual learner.

Some examples of ANT species are listed below:

All-or-nothing ANTs: Thinking in extremes, that things are either all good or all bad

Less-than ANTs: Comparing yourself and your situation to others and seeing yourself as less than

Just-the-bad ANTs: Seeing only the bad in a situation

Guilt-beating ANTs: Thinking in words like should, must, ought or have to

Labeling ANTs: Attaching a negative label to yourself or someone else

Fortune-telling ANTs: Predicting the worst possible outcome for a situation with little or no evidence for it

Mind-reading ANTs: Believing you know what other people are thinking even though they haven’t told you

If-only-and- I’ll-be-happy-when ANTs: Arguing with the past and longing for the future

Blaming ANTs: Blaming others for your problems

Identifying and becoming aware of these repeating patterns is the first step in breaking them. Become aware of how your thoughts are impacting your emotions and behaviours. Observe your thoughts. Ask yourself if this thought is helpful? What purpose is the thought serving you? How does the thought make you feel?

Although it is difficult to think with this new style at first, over time and with practice, positive and rational thoughts will come more naturally. Cognitive restructuring can help you challenge your thoughts by taking you through steps including:

Ask yourself if the thought is realistic.

Think of what happened in the past in similar situations and evaluate if your thoughts are on course with what took place.

Actively challenge the thought and look for alternative explanations.

Think of what you'd gain versus what you'd lose by continuing to believe the thought.

Recognize if your thought is actually a result of cognitive distortion, such as catastrophising.

Consider what you'd tell a friend who may have the same thought.

GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY.

It’s called “the human condition” – how we, as humans, are born with minds that are stuck in a loop of 95% repetitive thoughts, 5% conscious thoughts, and 80% negative thoughts. That’s a lot of thought and if you are not aware of it and how to use it, your life will stay “stuck” – stuck in a pattern created by your mind – from the actions you take everyday, to the thoughts that keep repeating in your mind, and ending up as the actions now affecting your life. The first step is to recognize that you HAVE a mind. And with that in mind, you have a choice.

The reality is, if you aren't achieving the results you want now or you feel like they could be better, chances are you have not actually consciously recognized you have a mind and made the decision to take charge of it.

Once you understand that you have a mind and you make a DECISION that solidifies your commitment to following that truth of what you want, you're halfway there! This decision and commitment means that you are committed to doing the work and achieving the goal - regardless of the outside influences and distractions that are constantly being thrown at you. The pattern of your mind creates a pattern in your behaviour – and affects the results in your life.

The reality is, that creating success is NOT just about “doing what you love". Part of reprogramming your subconscious mind and getting it to work towards your success is to automate the things you don’t like and change the things that are detracting from your success.

When you automate the things that don’t make you feel that successful feeling, you are subconsciously programming your mind – your 95% of unconscious thought- to take over the heavy lifting. You’re programming it to do the things you need to do to create your success.

Affirming and Repetition:

Know what you want, when you want it and how your going to get it. Write that down and literally strive for it. Put down your goal on a card read it as often as you possibly can, and curate goals which are based on it. No matter what negative thought pops up, keep denying it and reaffirming a positive alternative. Play music that will uplift you, surround yourself with people that you see yourself in and who share similar goals/mindset as you to keep reaffirming your reality, and remove any restrictions that deny the reality you are trying to make for yourself. Make a conscious effort to keep reaffirming your desires until you believe them. But remember you can't just sit and affirm without putting in the work, you can't affirm something that you don't believe. Therefore affirmation and work must go in hand.

#self improvement #self worth #that girl #dream girl #self growth #affirmations #affirm #beliefs

151 notes · View notes

nebulablakemurphy · 1 year

Text

Moves & Countermoves (Part 7)

Summary: No one ever wins the games, even fourteen years later, Y/N is still playing.

“What’d you think? Should we climb it?” Tyson asks his district partner, teasingly.

She is two years his junior, still not an idiot. The giant pile of sand funneling in from the top of the arena is no hiking expedition. “No, we should save our strength, like Haymitch said.”

“Did you know the tallest mountain in the world was called Mount Everest? Before the founding of our great nation?” He presses on, largely ignoring Y/N’s sage advice.

“What do they call it now?” She wonders.

“Trick question; tallest mountain in the world was actually Mauna Kea.”

“Now’s a bad time for trivia.” Y/N decides, a hand at her brow to shield the blazing sun.

“It’s the only time we’ve got.”

Y/N startles awake, as she always does from dreams of him. Dreams of a stranger, who in under two weeks became her best friend. The games are funny that way, time moves differently there. People who standby you in the arena become closer than people you’ve known for years. The ones that haunt you forever.

She thinks of him often. Though Y/N never had a brother, she decided a long time ago, that is where Tyson fit. How he taunted and teased her, protected and loved her, all at the same time. And when she named her son Everest, sealing the tiniest drop of Tyson in her blood, Y/N found some peace with it. Giving new life to the boy who died so that she might live.

When she hears Peeta recounting the day he fell in love with Katniss, her heart sinks. The gamemakers won’t let them both win. They can’t. President Snow simply won’t allow it. And if what they’re saying now is true, even if one of them survives…

“There’s backstory,” Haymitch muses.

Maybe he believes Seneca would do it, two victors. Or maybe he just wants her to believe that he believes. One thing about Haymitch is that he will lie, either straight up or simply omit key details to shield Y/N. Protect her at any cost, as if she were some fragile thing.

She used to hate it, until she understood. Not fragile; precious. Something more valuable than money, or secrets, even booze. If anything happened to Y/N, his world would simply stop turning. The sun would set and never rise. She is a precious commodity of extremely limited supply. She could never be replaced.

“You need medicine for that leg.” Katniss changes the topic of conversation.

“I don’t get many parachutes.” Peeta admits, though he doesn’t tell her why.

“We’ll figure something out.”

“Like what?”

“Something.” Katniss huffs, into the dimly lit cave.

“I think that was the green light on the meds for Peeta.” It’s go time. Haymitch rises from the bench, offering his hand.

This particular offering will not come cheap, it’s time for the original lovers of district twelve to do what they do best. Work an angle.

————————————————————————

“What do you mean we can’t send medicine? We’ve always been able to send medicine.”

“Not my rules, Mrs. Abernathy.” The woman behind the counter says.

“Of course not, you just work here.” Haymitch smiles.

The Capitol employee returns the gesture.

“We’ve been raising this money all day and Y/N is obviously upset that we can’t go through with sending the medicine, but we understand. Is there any information you could give us to help put our minds at ease about the condition of our tribute?”

The woman looks to Y/N now. District twelve tributes rarely make it this far and everyone is quite taken with the young lovers. Against her better judgment, she motions for Y/N to lean down toward her. “There will be an opportunity for your tribute to receive medicine tomorrow.”

“Is there anything we can send today?” Y/N asks.

“You can send soup.”

“Soup.” Haymitch repeats, with false enthusiasm. “We’ll send them soup.”

————————————————————————

“Attention tributes, commencing at dawn, there will be a feast of sorts, at the cornucopia. Each of you need something desperately and we plan to be…generous hosts.”

“And that is why we couldn’t send medicine,” Haymitch laughs, staring down at the contents of his cup.

They’re trying to wrap this up, everyone’s off in different directions. Bring them back together for one hell of a show before curtain fall.

“Five needs food. Thresh just got bread so…maybe weapons? Two needs…armor? I don’t-” Y/N presses a finger against her temple, desperate for answers.

“You feeling ok?” Haymitch’s brow furrows.

“Yes,” Y/N bites out.

Her husband reels back. It is not uncommon for Y/N to mourn tributes, even ones that aren’t theirs. It is unlike her to take it out on him.

“Sorry, I’m sorry.” Y/N apologizes, immediately. Taking one of his hands in hers.

Haymitch turns his gaze to their twined fingers, she’s shaking, “when’s the last time you ate something?”

“Not hungry.”

“You need to eat,” he decides.

“Nothing tastes right.”

“Listen angel, if they’re gonna poison you, it won’t be here.”

“I must be coming down with something.” Or the stress. Despite all of this, she’s never faired well under duress.

“Probably why you puked in that lady’s ice bucket.” Haymitch notes.

“You know what does sound halfway decent?”

“Hmm?”

“Those little cream puffs with powdered sugar on top.”

Haymitch grins, “I’ll bring a plate.”

He hovers after that. Y/N can’t stand hovering, but she tolerates it. Understanding that it comes from a place of love. She didn’t mean to worry him.

Haymitch can’t sleep. Even after Y/N is out cold.

“I love you so much, Haymitch.”

She who brushes wayward hair from his eyes and runs her nose along the length of his, after the sweetest of kisses. She who believes in him and shows him each day there is a reason his life did not end in the arena. She is the best person he has ever known and he’ll spend the rest of his life trying to deserve her. To deserve that selfless, all consuming, love that she gives so freely.

“I love you forever.” Maybe even longer.

In that, at least he knows there is no cause for concern. Their marriage will not crumble, come hell or high water. Haymitch knows how badly she misses home, their children. In another life he’d ask for ten, as many as Y/N would give him.

The tiny garden, around the back of their house in victor’s village; where Everest plants carrots and other vegetables. Where Arista steals them to feed the wandering geese. The most taciturn, temperamental, creatures she can find are naturally the ones she chooses to care for.

Y/N’s syringes come like clockwork from the Capitol, every three months. Squandering any hope of tiny baby feet. Though she is the best mother, one who plays with her daughter and son, down in the dirt. A mother who loves her children more than anything.

Their lives there are a safe haven, one that exists only in their minds. There is no room for a place like that here. No safety for the children they’ve given life to. Only false hope and broken promises.

And if by some misfortune or Capitol ‘miracle’ a child should slip through, Haymitch would love them. Somehow, someway they’d all make it through. But he hopes, more than anything, that it is not now.

————————————————————————

There is no rush to the viewing room the next morning, everything the tributes need will be at the cornucopia. Katniss gets close to the bag marked ‘12’ and the girl from two is on her. Knocking her back with those damn knives.

They grapple around for a while, before landing with Clove on top. Leaving Katniss no room for escape as she holds the blade to her throat. Haymitch is seated on the bed, watching Y/N pace along the large screen in their bedroom.

Thankfully the boy from eleven takes out one of the two remaining careers. Overhearing her taunt Katniss and brag about killing his district partner.

“Just this time, twelve.” Thresh tells her, gathering his bag from the table. “For Rue.”

With that they’re off; Thresh back to solitude and Katniss to Peeta.

He’s still asleep when she arrives, waking only to the sound of her voice. “I got it. I got your medicine.”

“What happened to you?” Peeta’s eyes focus on the gash across her forehead, courtesy of Clove.

“I’m fine.” Katniss busies herself with opening the canister.

“No you’re not,” Peeta reaches up, “what happened?”

“The girl from two, she threw a knife.”

“You shouldn’t have gone, you said you weren’t gonna go.”

“You got worse.” She replies, simply. Spreading the salve over the length of his wound.

Peeta allows a small cry to pass his lips, grabbing at her wrist. “You need some of that too.”

“I’m ok.” Katniss is more worried about him.

“That feels so much better.” He sighs. “Now you need some too.”

“I’m ok.”

“No, come on. You need it too.”

“Alright.” Katniss finally agrees. Watching Peeta’s tender expression as he thumbs the cream over her injury.

When they wake to the computer generated sunrise and find their cuts have healed, the star crossed lovers set off in search of food.

Peeta to the left, foraging berries while Katniss goes to hunt. Though the separation is not ideal, his heavy footsteps would send any potential prey running. The archer is ready to score them some breakfast when the cannon sounds.

It’s for the girl from five. But Katniss doesn’t know that, so she sets off in search of Peeta.

This time, Y/N and Haymitch are down in the viewing room, overhearing the chatter around them.

“Those berries must be poisonous.”

“I hope Katniss finds him in time.”

Katniss calls out for Peeta again, colliding into him a moment later as Peeta rushes toward the sound of her voice. His fist still closed around a handful of blue berries.

“What happened? Are you ok?” Peeta wonders, holding her tightly as she trembles.

“I heard the cannon. I thought you were dead.”

The boy rests his chin against her shoulder, “I’m right here.”

Katniss pulls back to scold him, smacking the berries from his hand. “That’s nightlock, Peeta. You’d be dead in a minute!”

“I didn’t know,” he stammers.

“Scared me half to death, damn you.” Then she is hugging him again. She can’t explain it, the need to feel him close, know that he is safe.

“I’m sorry.” Peeta breathes, soothing her with a gentle hand, down the length of her back. “I’m sorry.”

When they have settled enough to keep moving, they make the discovery of the red head’s body. Her mouth stained magenta and a few berries still in hand, eyes wide and open.

“I never even knew she was following me.”

“She’s clever.” Katniss always thought so.

“Too clever.”

Katniss leans down, collecting the berries from her hand.

“What are you doing?”

“Maybe Cato likes berries too.”

It’s only half past noon when the sun sets, quickly and without warning.

“Must be in a hurry to end it.” Katniss reasons.

Y/N’s leg is bouncing faster now, vibrating almost.

Haymitch reaches out a hand, resting it atop her thigh to still it.

They wait there, in uncomfortable silence, until the sound of mutts causes Y/N to jump. Even Haymitch flinches when the animals appear, like something out of a nightmare, bits of the fallen tributes mixed in.

They take Thresh, tearing him to pieces and Y/N doesn’t fight when Haymitch wraps her up in his arms. Making a place for herself in his lap, legs dangling over the side of his, not caring if she is heavy. He of course, doesn’t mind, pressing a kiss to the underside her jaw.

Cato is waiting at the top of the cornucopia. When Peeta and Katniss inevitably end up there, the three of them have it out. With Cato’s arm around Peeta’s neck, Katniss is left with no good choices. If she shoots the career’s hand where Peeta is pointing and she misses… But if she doesn’t shoot, he’ll kill Peeta anyway. She takes a deep breath and lets the arrow fly.

Cato’s death is a quick one, a mercy he may not have shown with roles reversed. But it is over, leaving just the tributes from district twelve. Gone is the shadow of night, the sun returning to illuminate the finale.

“Attention, tributes, attention, there’s been a slight rule change.”

Katniss draws her bow, fearing that they are somehow not alone.

Haymitch shifts, bracing himself.

“The previous revision allowing two victors from the same district has been…revoked. Only one may be crowned. Good luck and may the odds be ever in your favor.”

Katniss and Peeta turn back to one another.

“Go ahead.” Peeta insists, “one of us should go home. One of us has to die, they have to have their victor.”

“No,” Katniss tosses her weapon down, stepping over it to close the space between them. “They don’t. Why should they?” She pulls the nightlock from her pocket.

“No,” Peeta covers her hand with his own.

“Trust me.” Katniss whispers, “trust me.”

And Peeta does, accepting the berries into his palm.

Haymitch lets out a breath, patting the outside of Y/N’s thigh, affectionately. “You did it.” He murmurs, “there’s your victors.” Even though it isn’t fair, even though there will be nothing to show for it. They won.

Y/N leans farther into his embrace. Wishing more than anything for the chance to tell Peeta that she is proud and to tell Katniss…

“Together?” The boys asks.

“Together,” Katniss repeats.

“Ok. One.” Peeta runs his fingertips down the length of her braid.

“Two.”

“Three.”

Together they raise the poison toward their lips.

“Stop.” A voice rings through the arena, “stop! Ladies and gentlemen, may I present the winners of the seventy-fourth annual Hunger Games.”

For this, the four of them will surely be punished.

Part 8

Series Taglist: @praline357 @flowercrowns-goodvibes @justheretoparty420 @avocadotoastwithegg @officialjellydoughnut @whoreforfictionalpeople @treehouse-mouse @emo-markie @spilled-mi1k @magical-spit @greaser9902 @jessicamellarky @yourebuckingkiddingme @smuha2004

#the hunger games #hunger games fanfiction #haymitch x reader #thg haymitch #haymitch abernathy x reader #haymitch abernathy #haymitch abernathy fanfic #haymitch abernathy x you #haymitch fanfic #haymitch abernathy x y/n #haymitch x y/n #peeta mellark #katniss everdeen

487 notes · View notes

bilbao-song · 7 months

Text

(all credit for the original idea [and a significant portion of this text] goes to @quiet-beatle!)

ho ho ho, classic rock fans! Christmas is coming and so is The Secret Rocker Santa project! if you are looking for an opportunity to make new friends who love classic rock, or just want to make someone happy, this is your chance!

** if you don’t want to see posts about this anymore: filter the tags #secret rocker santa and/or #srs23 — click here for an explanation of how to filter tags **

What is Secret Rocker Santa?

Secret Rocker Santa is a tumblr-wide “match-maker” in which you will anonymously send asks to (and hopefully befriend!) a tumblr user who is assigned to you. you will also be assigned to someone else, who will send anonymous asks to you. the event will run from december 1st through december 25th. while this might seem complicated, it’s actually quite simple, and you will only need to answer a minimum of two questions to sign up.

How it works:

you must read these instructions!

the deadline to sign up is november 28th. there are two ways that you can sign up: the first option is to sign up via google forms. the second option is to send me a submission (or an ask) with your completed questionnaire (found here). while the first two questions are required, you can otherwise provide as much or as little information as you want.

please reblog this post! (this isn’t a strict requirement, but it would be greatly appreciated and helps to ensure that enough people will participate!)

your ask box must be open to anyone! this means that anon asks will have to be enabled. if you want, you can wait until the first day of the project (december 1st) to change this setting, but please make sure you remember!

your blog doesn’t have to be classic rock-related, you just need to be a fan. (we will also be using a very broad definition of “classic rock,” so nearly any music from 1950s-1990s counts.)

(those are the main things you need to know, but more details + some helpful tips are below the cut!!)

shortly after signing up you will be assigned a number — you probably won't need it for anything, but it's a backup way for me to keep track of who is who in case we run into any problems :)

during the last days of november, i will be assigning people to their Secret Rocker Santas. you will receive a message from me telling you who you have been assigned to, either in the form of an ask or direct message.

you will start messaging the person assigned to you ANONYMOUSLY on the 1st of december and continue until Christmas (december 25th), which is when you will reveal your identity and (hopefully) have made a new friend!

you can send your partner whatever you want (as long as you do not reveal your identity). your job is to make your partner feel happier! (some ideas: send lyrics, pictures, or facts; play games, chat, and of course do things that are not only associated with classic rock).

be careful - make sure you are messaging your assigned partner anonymously.

please tag messages that you receive from your secret santa and any other related posts as #SRS23, so your santa will be able to find your answers more easily.

EXTRA REMINDERS:

some people might get more than one santa or will be assigned to more than one person, depending on how many people participate and how many suitable matches i have for certain people. if you are certain you will not be able to be a secret santa for two people, please mention this when you submit your form (you can also let me know if you would prefer to be a santa for two or more people! anyone who volunteers for this will get first pick if the need arises)

if you’re not committed to sending asks to your partner and/or responding to your santa at least a few (2-3) times a week, please do not sign up.

while the primary focus of this project is classic rock, any additional interests you list may be used as a secondary way of helping to find a good match for you. with that in mind, don’t hesitate to list any interests and hobbies you might have, whether they relate to classic rock or not! this will especially come in handy if there are many applicants who like a particular band, or if i am having trouble finding a match for you based on your favorite bands.

if your santa has not contacted you in over a week, message me and i will gently remind them or find you another one.

as a general rule, be nice! anyone who is rude to the another participant will be removed from the project.

make sure to answer all of your santa’s messages! you don’t have to answer right away, but don’t ignore them.

please let me know if you experience any problems at all (for example, if i have made a mistake, or you are having problems with either your own santa or the person you are assigned to)

if you are not already following your partner’s blog, you probably shouldn’t do it right away, because they might guess that you are their santa.

it’s useful to have an easy-to-find “about me” page or pinned post so that your santa will have a better chance of finding something to talk to you about!

please try to keep a note of who you’ve been assigned to, as well as your assigned number!

IF YOU CHANGE YOUR URL AT ANY TIME DURING THE PROJECT PLEASE LET ME KNOW. if you don’t let me know about your new URL (or otherwise make it clear that you have moved), i will not be able to assign matches for you.

please be patient! i will assign matches and answer questions as quickly as possible, but please keep in mind that i have other responsibilities too!

you don’t need to be following me, but i will be sharing updates here, so it would be a good idea to at least keep an eye on that page/tag.

please don’t hesitate to participate! this is supposed to be a fun, lighthearted, seasonal activity, and if you do encounter any issues, i will help you :)

ALL RELEVANT LINKS:

google forms sign-up

copy the questionnaire here (to sign up if you don't wish to use google forms)

paste questionnaire, fill out, and submit here

FAQ page

all future updates will be posted in this tag!

lastly, if you have any questions or want to ask for advice, do not hesitate to message me or send an ask!

please spread the word if possible! :)

#classic rock #classic rock fandom #the beatles #led zeppelin #pink floyd #beatles #rock and roll #dad rock #is that a tag people actually look at. lmao #anyway #yes i know tomorrow is halloween but i need a whole entire month for this tbh #i hate tagging these posts bc it always feels like spam but like :') it's relevant to all bands + there are instructions to block it lmao #anyway!!!!!! pls reblog if u don't mind. it helps a lot #srs23 #secret rocker santa #srs updates #secret rocker santa 2023 #long post

222 notes · View notes

thebadgerclan · 1 year

Text

Sister

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x sister!reader

Summary: No one knew that Kaz had a sister...

Idk why or how I came up with this, but I loved the idea too much not to write

Also third person just fit this one lol, I’m not the biggest fan, but let me know what you guys think

No one knew that Kaz Brekker had a sister, few people even knew about his older brother. But he had: back when he was Kaz Rietveld, the only thing on his mind being whether he could convince Jordie to buy him a hot chocolate, there had been a third Rietveld. Jordie, the eldest, entrusted with his father’s fortune, Kaz, the impressionable, joyful young boy, and Y/N, only a year Kaz’s junior.

When the firepox came, and Kaz succumbed to the fever, she had as well. And when Kaz woke to find Jordie cold beneath his touch, her body had been nowhere in sight. Was she dead, or had she somehow survived? It was easier to assume the former, for Kaz to forge ahead alone in the world. All three Rietveld siblings died then, but only Kaz was reborn, vengeance burning like an inferno in his heart. For Jordie, for Y/N, he would bring Ketterdam to its knees.

Years later, Kaz would learn that she had indeed survived. After the plague had passed, a pair of Ravkan nobles arrived in Ketterdam, offering to take in the orphans the firepox had created. “It was a Ravkan ship that brought it,” they said. “If our country can give these children a life, then we will take them.” She’d been one of the first children taken, adopted by the Duke and Duchess themselves. Y/N had been raised in Ravka: learned their language, their customs, their faith. And when she came of age, she was presented to court, as all the children of nobility were, to make a good marriage.

Y/N had been lucky. She had not only made an advantageous match, but she’d found true love as well. Her new husband doted on her night and day, granting her every wish. And when she wished to discover whether her brothers had survived the Queen’s Lady Plague all those years ago, she discovered her husband had many connections in which to obtain that information.

It hadn’t been easy, but Y/N’s husband had found him. Kaz wasn’t a common name, after all. When he’d received the letter, he’d thought it a joke, but as he read on, he realized the letter contained details that no one but his sister could have known. Kaz, it said. If you’re reading this, then I want you to know that I’m alive. I was adopted and taken to Ravka after the firepox passed. If I’d have known you survived, I would have insisted they take you too. But I had no clue where you were or if you and Jordie had made it.

I want you to know that I’m alive, that I’m safe. Life in Ravka has been good to me; I’m married now! Saints, I think you’d adore my husband, the two of you are exactly the same. At least… how I remember you to be. Please, Kaz, write back to me. Let me know that you’re alive, that you’ve survived, that I haven’t been mourning you for no reason for 15 years. I’m afraid I can’t disclose too much about my life in writing, but if you give a letter to a woman named Lila at the Ravkan embassy, she’ll ensure it gets to me. I love you, brother, time has not changed that. -Y/N.

There had been no last name affixed, no address, so naturally, Kaz’s interest was piqued. For months, he corresponded with her through Lila, learning more about who she was, her life in Ravka, and who she’d married. It interested him not only because the information might be useful one day, but because Y/N was family, she was his sister. Indeed, the information was useful, as Kaz and his Crows had been tasked with a nearly impossible job.

A Shu priest had hired Kaz to steal what she claimed was a relic of Sankt Kho, one that had been taken from the temples of Amhrat Jen decades ago. But, as Nina so aptly pointed out, breaking into the Grand Palace’s religious archives would break at least a dozen Ravkan laws. “We’d be arrested immediately and labeled as heretics as well as criminals. The Apparat himself would try to oversee our executions.”

“I have a way around that,” Kaz had said, but Nina wasn’t convinced. “Do you? I know your tricks Kaz. Those archives are guarded day and night, there’s one way in and one way out, no windows, no secondary escapes. Do you think you can waltz right in and take Sankt Kho’s relic?” “Not quite waltz, but yes.” The Heartrender snarled. “Short of a letter from the Queen of Ravka, there’s no possible way you can get in there alone. Do you have that, Kaz?”

“Actually I do.” Jesper, Inej, and Wylan looked on with disbelief. “All Saints, you can admit defeat, you know? We won’t judge you!” Kaz pulled a letter from his coat and tossed it on the table. It bore the Lantsov seal and the Queen’s signature, and Nina gaped. “And how did you manage to get your hands on this?” Kaz, if there’s ever anything you need, know that I will use the full extent of my powers to help you. I couldn’t help you before, brother, so let me help you now. Of course, if it’s blatant murder, then I’ll have to deny. We can’t have the Queen of Ravka tied up in a homicide, now can we? “Because,” Kaz said, hesitant to reveal this, the ace up his sleeve, his final secret. “She’s my sister.”

#kaz brekker x reader #platonic ship #shadow and bone fanfiction #kaz brekker x you #shadow and bone reader insert

816 notes · View notes

eaglyn · 9 months

Text

Because you stuck around | Gojo Satoru x reader college au

Summary: you had been Gojo's only die-hard loyal friend in his so far twenty years of life, but it took saving him from a quarter-life crisis for him to finally admit to you just how precious you were to him Not proofread bc we're lazy Decided to switch it up a little from the usual Genshin stuff

You first met the man child when he was only a child, as your parents were great friends of his parents, which meant you two would get a whole lot of play dates as kids.

Whenever he looked into your eyes even back then, you felt like you were frozen in place by those radiant blues. There was also something about the way he looked at you, and only you. For a while you felt as if you weren't the only one who's stomach filled with butterflies when you gazed at one another.

Eventually, he got older and achieved a great amount of fame via all his amazing accomplishments, and also good looks. While he never had a weird phase in puberty regarding looks, he definitely did have a personality change.

All the praise went to his head, so much so that whenever he talked to you, it was always just about how awesome he was. In middle school, he had his own little cult, or gang of devoted followers, who by themselves could be considered the cool kids, but only when Satoru wasn't around.

He turned into one of the most insufferable of egotistical bullies, but he didn't bully you, and you stuck around. You always did.

In high school, you two went to separate high schools that were on the same street, right across from one another. Girls from your school would often sneak into his school during lunch break just to get a glimpse of him in the flesh, while you just rolled your eyes at the whole situation.

Still, you were there if he ever needed to boast about all the love letters he had received that week, or tell someone about all the details of his new girlfriend. You stuck around, even though it was a type of thankless devotion. It was a well known fact that you were his only long time good friend, so while many girls envied you and stared daggers at you in the halls or on the streets, other girls did anything they could to be friends with you, just to get information about Satoru.

You'd be lying if you said you weren't at least a little bit happy with your popularity.

Things changed when you two reached college. Both you and Satoru moved across the country to attend a prestigious college. During the first year, he got to live in his very own three bedroom mansion, while you just shared a dorm with three other girls, which you didn't mind, but it wasn't exactly luxury.

Your friendship was only being held together by the feelings you still had left for him after all this time, as now, he barely even talked to you anymore. He was way too caught up in his lavish lifestyle, blasting mountains of money on girls and partying each week, and steadily failing all his classes at the same time.

Still, you stuck around and watched over him from afar, but you could only roll your eyes and shake your head at what he was doing with his life. That brings you to this summer.

You had the highest grades from your entire year in your college, while it wasn't hard to guess that Satoru's were the lowest. You became quite popular, as many people asked you to help them with things they didn't understand, as well as just taking advice from you in general.

You'd never have expected a depressed looking Gojo Satoru to approach you one day, asking for help with dark circles around his eyes, messed up hair and clothes, and a look in his eyes that indicated a mental breakdown. Still, the way he looked at you was the same as back then.

"Y/n... can you please help me improve my grades? If I continue like this, I'll be kicked out. Please, I'll do anything." He said to you. If it were any other person with his lifestyle begging for help, you may have just laughed in their face and told them to change life paths entirely, but it was Satoru. You could only nod and offer a comforting hug.

You contacted his parents regarding his issues, and while they were furious at him, they couldn't stop thanking you for sticking around and helping him. They arranged for you to stay at his college house from now on, just so you could keep a closer eye on him as you two worked through his quarter life crisis together.

By the time you reached Christmas, his grades had improved majorly, and he was a completely changed person. He had gotten back his cheerful, bubbly personality that you once knew him for, and while he wasn't blatantly rude and egotistical, he continued to play into the act, partially as a joke, and also because old habits die hard. And you were the one to thank for this change for him, because as always, you stuck around.

This was his first time in so many years that he didn't spend Christmas partying, but instead with you, and only you, enjoying all the amazing foods you made, and otherwise curling up on the couch with you as you two binged movies.

You don't even know how many romcoms you two had gone through the past couple days, but while it was entertaining, you couldn't help but envy the people in those movies, always getting their happily ever after with the one they love, while you were just here, raising a man child that you had been in love with since you were two.

Little did you know that when you'd be opening your present from him on Christmas Eve, you'd find amongst all the amazing things he bought you, a hand-written letter, and that he'd be watching you anxiously as you opened and read it, praying to everything both up above and down below that you wouldn't react by ripping it up and tossing it on the floor.

My dear Y/n, This is my 89th attempt at writing this letter, but I'm afraid if I tried to tell you what I want to say in outspoken words, it would be even worse than this. Please don't hate me. I want to confess to you something that I was too scared to say out loud, so here goes. I know I might have never shown it, but I've loved you ever since we were just little kids. I know I was a really bad friend to you growing up, but you always continued to stick around, no matter how insufferable I got. I could never understand it. I was the one who was famous, the one who was deemed perfect by everyone on the outside, but it was you who turned out so amazing, while I just became a wreck, leaving you, the only one who stuck around after all this time, to fix me. I'm eternally grateful for everything you've done for me, and I wish I could repay you. I wish that some day you could find it in you to reciprocate my love for you, but even if you can't, I will always wait for you, just as you did for me, as a way of paying off my debt. Keep in mind that I've never actually confessed to anyone, as I never truly loved anyone that I've been with in the past, though you probably knew that by yourself. With sincere love, Satoru. P.S. I hope you didn't die of cringe by the time you reached the end of this.

You giggled as you read the line on the bottom of the paper, looking up at Satoru afterwards, and he seemed like a lost puppy with a begging look in his eyes. Even the time he came asking for your help, he didn't look like he was so hopeful.

"I didn't die of cringe, as you can see." You said with a smirk on your face, taking all of his constipated facial expression in as you kept eye contact for a long time period.

"...and?" He broke the silence after about fifteen seconds, gulping right after.

"I love you too, you idiot." You said, catching him as he practically flew into your arms. You had been waiting for this moment for way too long.

He leaned down and softly pressed his lips against yours, stealing your breath for a short time before pulling away after a few seconds. His cocky persona had returned.

"Why did I ever have my doubts? I'm awesome!" He said, making you giggle.

"What a man child." You shook your head before kissing him again, just enjoying the romcom moment you had been desiring for so long.

#jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu gojo #anime #confessions #reader insert #female reader #college #college life #romance #first kiss #gojo satoru #gojo x reader #jjk gojo #childhood friends #fluff #fanfic

162 notes · View notes