#personal ramblings sorry

[northwest-cryptid]

I'm not gonna lie, I sort of despised my time as a Vtuber on twitter because of how much drama seemingly springs up out of nowhere. I mean people would literally become hypocrites in a matter of a week if it made them look like the good guy of the day. I couldn't stand the constant "one upping" that would happen and it made me feel sick, like literally anxiety stricken sick to interact with people since a major of the time if you didn't have a big following people would throw you under the bus just to go posting about how righteous and woke they were. I still remember people straight up telling me in a private call "I just see you as a man, I don't believe non-binary people exist" and then no joke, a week later posting "I go by She/They now and you have to respect my pronouns" which I'd love to say "people change, maybe they grew and learned about themselves" about except for the fact this post was made following this big social debate about pronouns which I only know about because 3 people who stopped talking to me, and basically said I was "bad for their brand" decided to say how I was "their friend" and how great they were to be friends with an NB to the point of calling out people mid-stream in the most dramatic ways during collabs because "IT'S THEY NOT HE!" When I openly stated that it's really embarrassing to have people do that, and to please just trust that if I have a problem with the way someone is addressing me I'll say something myself; when you go through this for the better part of a whole year (almost a year and a half since I was part of the community prior to having an avatar and the whole vtubing set up) it begins to take all the fun out of being a streamer.

I'm a Vtuber because I love the concept behind being represented by a character that can look however I want to look instead of being called out or judged for the way my hair looks or if I dress in a way someone doesn't like, I've always said that those comments are pointless since I'm here to stream a game and entertain an audience; my appearance should never be the main focus and I got tired of being on webcam because of how often people would point out something about me even when it was meant as a compliment. That being said you can imagine how absolutely infuriating it is to be told by someone who's " a successful and popular vtuber " because they have 1k+ twitter followers (and 2 active viewers, one of whom is me, and one who is them...) that I'm not good enough to be their friend or even talk to them or collab with them until I "get my numbers up" and "figure out my brand" I'm an entertainer, I love to create! I gave up on vtuber teams, I gave up on collabing with people, I gave up on even streaming for a long time.

But the more I interact with people on tumblr the more I remember why I love vtubing, as a character designer it's so much fun to see the characters people make and stream with. It's like this huge game of improv D&D and even people like myself who don't really play up a character or have any lore or such, can still really enjoy just sharing our characters with others and having some brainrot over our favorite games. You know, all the stuff I loved about vtubing and streaming and being creative. It really makes me want to reach out to more vtubers here on tumblr and potentially try to make some friends; I'm shy as hell and I unfortunately have dealt with a year of basically being told "you're not cool enough to sit with us" lol but who knows, I've met some really cool people who openly accept me for who/what I am and I'd love to connect with more streamers and vtubers provided my insecurities and shy personality don't get in the way.

If you've ever wanted to be my friend, like genuinely wanted to get to know me; just pester me about shit. I promise even if it takes me 3 weeks to get back to you; it isn't a bother I'm never bothered I love getting asks, DMs, whatever. It's just fun to connect with people and get to know people.

I literally met my partner via this site and she will attest that it took like 4 years for her to get me to talk reliably, I accidentally ghosted her several times because I was too shy to talk to her even though I really wanted to be her friend, and now we live together so like; yea please by all means if you want to be my friend just like nicely harass me about shit I promise it'll pay off eventually :P

[jettreno]

[a-little-ray-of-fantasy]

"If there's anything I've learned it's that words... are cheap."

"But actions?"

"They speak the truth."

[pyralart]

I don't think Belos is taking it very well

First part (You are here) >> Next Part

First batch of this little series, inspired by @petitprincess1's idea! I couldn't get this scenario out of my head so of course I drew it.

Get ready because it will have at least 8 pages! Probably my longest comic yet

There will be some angst but the violence will overall be canon-typical!

[crismakesstuff]

cast out of paradise

[infinitysgrace]

"his desire to prove himself got him killed"

that's a weird way to say his mother lied to him, betrayed him and pulled a gun on him, and then watched while smoking a cigarette as he got the shit beat out of him with a crowbar...

[aintnopartylikeaprideparty]

as someone who has experienced abuse from someone with a personality disorder, it's actually incredibly easy to not dehumanize everyone with a personality disorder. i've seen people do borderline eugenic rhetoric surrounding people who have npd, aspd, bpd or other personality disorders, and then be like "I'M allowed to say these things because i'm a survivor, and if you disagree you are hurting abuse victims."

and frankly? i'm tired of it. as an abuse survivor i'm here to say that you're NOT allowed to turn into a fucking eugenicist the moment you're hurt by someone with a personality disorder.

does hurting and belittling other people who happen to have the same disorder as your abuser, people that are already suffering and that are already looked down on by society, bring you any healing? does it bring you peace?

Being hurt by someone isn't an excuse to hurt others that you feel justified in lashing out on. you're literally in control of your own actions,

you may claim to be making a safe space for abuse survivors, but i will never feel any solidarity with you, and i ESPECIALLY don't feel safe with you considering i might have a personality disorder.

you are excluding a large amount of abuse survivors in the name of "advocacy". a lot of people with personality disorders developed one or multiple due to heavy abuse. in the aim of creating a safe space, you are excluding the ones who need a safe space the most.

[miitopia-cake]

I wish some aces would stop excluding other aces with complex sexual experiences. like I get why but you have to realize that being ace does not mean they don't enjoy sexual experiences and it's weird when you complain about allo people and boil it down to "people who have sexual experiences" and also shame people for their sex life and kinks as if your own community doesnt INCLUDE those people. because there are other aces out there who still masturbate, who feel sexually attracted to their own body, who barely experiences sexual attraction but still enjoys sex, who like consuming sexual media, who like sfw kink. being ace is so so much more complex than just "disliking sex". and also aromantic exclusionism in the same genre of posts is something i see a lot. especially aro allos. I hate hate hate seeing a community that SHOULD be inclusive boil down sexuality and exclude people.

[l3viat8an]

Do you ever think about demons being a little confused about what gifts humans do and don’t like during ‘courting / courtship’ say MC LOVES getting jewelry (fairly standard counting gift across worlds) but when one of the demons gifts them a beautiful set of REAL still a little bloody eyeballs they scream and that’s just so confusing for the poor demons. 

YESYESYES!!!

CW: Gore mentioned (cuz like bloody eyeballs)

Especially Asmo and Mammon- but I’m gonna focus on Asmo for this <3

He always wants you to have the best of the best!!! He’s always gifting you the best jewelry, lovely new outfits, anything he thinks you’ll like he gives you in the hopes that you’ll understand just how much he cares for you. How often he’s thinking about you and what you like.

So when he overheard you telling another demon in class that his eyes are ‘such a beautiful color!’ well…..it’s only natural that he gets them for you!!!

Surely you’ll love them!!! Asmo takes extra care to clean the blood off the eyeballs, before he puts them in a adorable little pink gift box and leaves it on your bed, right where he always leaves your little gifts <3

You’ll love it!!! He can’t wait to hear you gushing about your new gift later!!! What he doesn’t expect is to hear you screaming, calling for whichever demon is closest to get them out of your room- why????

He put so much care into getting them for you!! he runs to your room and sees Beel taking the box away from you, telling you not to worry about it, he’ll take it away and Asmo wants to cry- what did he do wrong??? they really were beautiful eyes- you should love them!!!

Beautiful jewelry and clothes are fine but an even more thoughtful and important gift, he had to rip out himself isn’t??? It doesn’t make sense!!!

Why do humans have to be so damned confusing???

[starlightrise]

anyways..... happy september, finally got a full night of sleep :’) 🌷

didn’t find a place (rental market is a disaster ! west coast babey!) so now I remain at home and... continue existing (and try to get a job Before relocating)!!

pros: i can stop spamming comms and do more personal art/portfolio over the fall/winter, i spent all summer trying to prove i was capable of paying rent u_u since I’m Not paying $700-900/month I can instead use the money to upgrade my gpu, wardrobe stuff, spoil myself a bit... ALSO. travel, maybe. and finally use my passport that I got in 2019 to use after uni (lol@past me) (also finish teen idle i’m so sorry my child i was busy)

cons: i don’t have much of a direction in my life and i still don’t! & i also don’t want to live here indefinitely!! mid 20s has been agony but i graduated into a pandemic so maybe it gets better! idk!

[legendoflozer]

Legend and Sky as a duo is so funny to me!!

Red to the last pic

[crowsgrudge]

fionna's world being represented by a dandelion makes so much sense ... they're weeds. yet people make wishes through them, changing their whole meaning from something meant to be destroyed to something hopeful.

dandelions are also resilient and it makes sense that something associated with them would. you know. perservere despite the destruction caused by the scarab.

but ultimately i think what REALLY made me tear up over this is that dandelions are really boring plants. when you're a kid you blow on them and make your wish but they're not eyecatching or anything but still, fionna's final wish was for her old world to still exist as it was when she left it (> plain and simple. boring even).

like the moment she realized she would lose her friends, and that her friends might forget each other if the world got its magic back, she immediately decided she didn't want it and I think that ties back to the dandelion metaphor so well... like, do you really need magic to be real to find it everywhere? or can you turn something boring into something magical?

[sophsicle]

OKAY question

i wanna reread choices and edit it but i can never make myself do it cause im like "ugh wow so long i simply cannot"

but also, every time i do reread parts of it i have like *thoughts* like SO many thoughts about it and about what i was thinking at the time and how that has or hasn't changed and what i was trying to do and what i love and what i hate and blah blah blah

SO the question: if i did like a lil read-a-long with soph thing, would anyone be interested? like maybe in the form of small podcast episodes where i discuss the chapters as i edit them and you guys can like tell me the different stuff you want me to talk about etc etc and then i will have the motivation to actually do this and also somewhere to dump all of my *thoughts*

or is that like, a stupid idea that no one asked for? i cannot decide whether this is leaning more on the fun cute side or the annoying keep this to yourself side, Y'KNOW????? so i ask

[madame-mongoose]

Something so romantic about bleeding out and dying in the arms of a stranger okay

[ahalliance]

[In French] Doigby, Presenter: “But who is this person?

[In French] Étoiles: So the story’s a bit mad, because you have to know that Baghera joined a Minecraft server that she said practically changed her life, which is the QSMP. And basically, the CEO, or the person who made the QSMP, who is a superstar in Mexico, took a plane from Mexico to come here in order to support Baghera. And I find that incredible, it’s Quackity.

[In English] Étoiles: Quackity — how do you feel? Like, it’s amazing, you come all the way from Mexico to come there?

Quackity: Well, I— I flew from Los Angeles, it was a thirteen hour flight, but I’m here to see this incredible event, the French community is amazing. This is an incredible event. And I’m here to uh, root for Baghera and Horty!

[In French] Étoiles: He says that he’s completely— that he finds it impressive just how incredible the event is, that he flew more than thirteen hours by plane to come here, and to, well, to support Baghera and Horty, and that, well, he’s having a wonderful time—“

[a2zillustration]

Part 1 of 4

I thought Gale's romance scene in Act 2 was really wonderful and special and decided to make a whole multi-page comic about it.

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