#recovery and college

[sofiaruelle]

You look sporty today! 🏀🏈⚽️

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

Big celebratory shoutout to disabled/mentally/chronically ill school dropouts. You’re brilliant. You’re a hero. Don’t be ashamed. In fact, be proud. Be proud that you were…

…perceptive enough to see the situation for what it was…

…smart enough to know what you needed to do…

…strong enough to defy expectations…

…brave enough to forage your own path…

…and don’t let anyone convince you that their degree makes them smarter than you. or better than you. or more successful than you. or harder working than you. or more deserving than you. All it means is that they had better support systems. better resources. adequate accommodations. All it means is that you both had goals and plans and dreams, but the world let you down while it was seeing them though. All it means is that our society is deeply lacking both systemic and systematic equitability. And that is something to be angry or upset about, absolutely, but not ashamed of.

[apollokids]

Thoughts about tsats, trauma, and the cocoa puffs

Nico’s personality in tsats feels most reminiscent of what he was like in The Titans Curse which (imo) is a sign that he is slowly healing and living with his trauma.

The Sun and the Star emphasizes that trauma and PTSD can make it feel like one’s past life events happened to a completely different person, and it mentions that Nico relates to this feeling. This distancing of oneself from past memories, experiences, and personality can result in feeling disconnected for a while, taking on new personality traits, feeling like a chameleon mimicking others, or just feeling empty.

For some people (maybe, depending on when trauma occurs), healing can be about reconnecting with our childhood selves. Depending on what someone was like before trauma, like maybe Nico for example, that can mean becoming more emotional, being more playful, indulging in your childhood interests (eg. mythomagic cards). And Nico’s progression practically mirrored mine exactly through the years, and the ways I changed in ED treatment.

It's hard to let go of a disorder when in some cases it feels like the only thing that’s stayed stable in our lives. Suffering is touted as the pinnacle of art-- we see its romanticization everywhere. It sounds weird to say that I miss being sick, or I miss my suffering, when I'm actively trying to make my life better, but those thoughts do come up. And when it comes to characters I project that misery on to? Well, if I’m suffering, then they have to suffer with me! (After all, they’re just characters, it’s not that deep, right?) Except I found that the more I made my characters suffer, and focused on the ‘beauty’ of suffering, the harder it was for me to heal from my own. Whenever my health was in decline, I characterized my favorite characters the same way. It was just as hard to allow those characters to heal as it was to allow myself to heal. (Other people might not feel the same, though.)

I think Nico choosing to accept the physical manifestations of his demons (while also setting them free, and allowing them to exist as they please) mirrors the suggestion I was given in treatment when I struggled with the idea of ‘giving up’ my eating disorder– because to me, it was always either defeat the disorder or be consumed by it, and defeating it sounded like killing a part of me or erasing a part of my past or my home. Approaching treatment from the standpoint of killing my eating disorder scared me too much. I knew my disorder had caused problems for me, but many of the habits and behaviors I’d developed had served as my coping mechanism and they helped me survive. 

So, my therapist told me: “You don’t have to shun your disorder, kill it, or say goodbye. Instead, you can acknowledge that it served a purpose during a point in your life in which you used it to survive, but you no longer need to hold on to it and that’s okay — you’re setting it free. Maybe even instead of saying goodbye, you can say ‘thank you, I’m alright now.’”

And that’s pretty much… exactly what Nico did with the demons. Bob, too, acknowledged that he was a titan, and that was part of his past, and that’s okay — but he’s allowed to change. And Nico is too.

I just found that really really wonderful because I related to it so heavily. He didn’t want to conquer his trauma in battle. He wanted it to just… be acknowledged, and set free. And it followed him, but he can have a better relationship with his past now. He’s not consumed by it. It’s just there, it’s a part of him, and he can continue to live his life. And I think reading this book (while trying to maintain and navigate post-treatment life) was exactly what I needed to remind myself why I’m doing this.

[shrimpleastha]

I really need to process a lot of stuff, but I don't have time. I have too many tasks. helpp :(

[imtallandbuff]

i’m so scared of school ☕️✨🖤

but we will be ok, you and i.

[growandrecover]

struggling to get through school?

Hi! I feel like it's been forever since I posted something, but I'm back! Lately, I've been struggling with my ed and school, and both are affecting the other. If you're dealing with the same thing, or something similar, you're not alone. Here are some things that may help :) Also- the first one is kind of related to restrictive eds. If you're experiencing a lack of energy not having to do with your food intake, I suggest that you either see a doctor or mental health professional.

Make sure you're eating enough protein. If you're not eating enough food as it is, you may feel like you can't focus as well, or you simply don't have the energy to study, do your work, or go to school, which is understandable. But please listen to me when I say protein is extremely important. According to Harvard, to calculate how much protein you need in a day, multiply your weight (in pounds) by 0.36. Here is the link to the article, which has a calculator you can use .

If you're worried about your grades, talk to your teachers/professors. Not all professors are the same, but if you're honest with them and spell out what's been going on (as much as you're comfortable with, of course), they may be able to help you, give you an extension, or some advice on their class.

Find study techniques that work for you. Not everyone has the same learning style, and not all methods of studying will work for you. I advise that you first find out what your learning style is if you don't already know. Then, you can research what may work for you as that kind of learner. However, if you have something else going on, that may not be enough. For example, I have adhd and have a hard time getting started with my work and staying motivated. Something like getting a planner, which may work for someone else, just doesn't cut it for me. Instead, I like to use asmr pomodoros and rewards for myself when I finish a certain amount of work, like doing something I've been wanting to do or watching a movie.

If you have trouble asking for help, like I do, I know it can be scary to send an email to your teacher, ask a friend, or even raise your hand in class to ask a question. But trust me, my grades started improving as soon as I did this. I know some of you may be thinking that your teacher will judge you, or your classmates will, but teaching is their job. They want students to ask questions, that's what they're there for. Your classmates could actually be wondering the same thing, they just might be too nervous to ask.

Try your best not to procrastinate. I know, I know. But hear me out. Procrastinating causes last minute stress and most likely isn't your best work. I'm not trying to call you out, because I do this too. But as I've gotten older, and been through years of school, I've learned that I hate the looming feeling of having an assignment due the next day and not having started on it yet. Your grades will be affected by not procrastinating, as you'll have had more time to study, do your work, and go over anything you need.

If you need someone to talk to, or have any questions, please don't be scared to send me a message or an ask, I'm here to help <3

(If I think of anything else, I'll make a part 2)

[cowboycunt]

someone give me quick easy no stress answer to all of life’s problems

[goldiipond]

graduated 2 years late but who caares im FREEE i can do wjatever i want. i can do anything. i am going to draw my little characters

[ink-asunder]

Having demand avoidance in a medical setting is literally hell. Like, patient autonomy is already absolute ass. It's only made worse when doctors CONSISTENTLY tell you what to do and act like you HAVE to do it instead of consulting with you first like normal fucking people.

[mymyisblogging]

I’m so tired I need someone to execute me 🤕

I’ll be better with time. I believe it. I just need to focus on one thing at the time. Live slowly, today is your last day as you; tomorrow it’s another you who’ll live. With each day, there’s is another opportunity to be who you want to be. With each day, you born again and die the same night. Life flies by.

Life flies by.

[letsgrownnhealtogether]

Wow, I think it's been two years since I last used this blog. While I was wide awake at 4:00 a.m., I remembered I had created this place and the community that I had just started to have on here.

There is a lot that has happened in my life and a lot I've had to work through. One thing, I decided to go back to college and now I graduate in three days (whoa!). So as I think about what I've overcome, the dream of what this blog could be, projects I created in college, and navigating this next steps of my life... I thought I would revisit this blog and figure out how I can combine all those things.

So, who is still here? What's up? What are people enjoying the most? I'm looking forward to navigating this potential and see what happens.

[pandorasbugs]

-incomplete-

[sgterso]

i've decided to add an additional arc to jyn's modern verse and that's her post-scarif/post-fbi arc !! essentially, her work with the fbi will build up to a "scarif-like event" and her work will be invaluable to stopping some sort of modern death star from destroying the earth (etc. etc.) as a result, she's released from her contract and free to do as she pleases ( with many of her major criminal charges released ). after a short period to settle herself, she decides to get her ged ( high school diploma test ) and then goes to university to study computer science.

for people i've been writing with in jyn's modern verse for awhile, we can slowly shift into this post-fbi verse ( and prepare for a scarif event hehe ). for newcomers, i'll default to her regular modern verse unless we've specifically plotted to start in the second arc !!

[love-in-my-twenties]

By 'love', I don't mean romances I may come across in my twenties. By love, I mean life.

I'm Cas and I study psychology. I'm also a songwriter, but while I would easily call it my greatest passion, I don't really post about it here. On this blog, I mostly share not-so-daily updates about my student life - productivity, learning progress, but also stuff like movies I recently watched. Sometimes I just talk about my uni in general, in a more diary-like manner, or about things not related to studying at all, mostly connected with recovering from depression.

Studyblr, moodboards, daily life, quotes, healing and wellness. More or less. Enjoy!

[evildeerboy]

TIL the ralphie im in danger screencap is actually from fucking family guy. wtf

[5-htreuptakeinhibitor]

i love art, im very grateful for adderall for gifting me with the executive function, ease of prioritization, and clearness of thought <3