#s$lf harm

[strawbz-jamz]

Headfirst Slide into Relapsetown

therapy to remind yourself how it used to be and how it's a different kind of fucked up life now compared to 5-10 years ago.

Gotta love harnessing that teen edginess again to feel that relief adrenaline rush after the numbness. Escapism my beloved💖

[syluslnd]

hiii ive been reading a bunch of your work for a while and i luv em ^^. can i ask if you could do a scenario where sylus discovers your s*lf-h*rm scars? if its too triggering you dont have to

sylus reaction to your self harm scars

The soft morning light filtered through the curtains casting a warm golden glow over the bedroom. You stirred slightly feeling the weight of sleep slowly lift from your body.

Beside you Sylus lay quietly his chest rising and falling with steady breaths. His presence was comforting and as you blinked your eyes open a soft sigh escaped your lips.

Without thinking you stretched out your arms letting your muscles wake up along with you. It was a lazy, comfortable movement, one you'd done countless times.

But this time, as you reached above your head, Sylus's gaze shifted. His eyes, usually so sharp and calculating softened as he watched you. He always looked at you like that in the mornings-like he was seeing something precious, something fragile. Yet today, something was different.

As your arms stretched out the sleeves of your loose shirt slid back just for a moment revealing the faint but unmistakable lines on your wrists.

Sylus's gaze sharpened immediately. His usual calm, controlled demeanor faltered just for a second but that second was all it took for his heart to twist in his chest. His brows furrowed almost imperceptibly and he stiffened beside you. His eyes flickered over the cuts-small, faint but unmistakably deliberate.

At first, his mind raced to a darker place.

Had someone hurt you? The thought was instant, primal, filling him with a flash of anger. But no-he knew that wasn't it. Sylus was nothing if not observant and as quickly as the thought came it was dismissed. This wasn't something someone else had done to you.

This was something you had done to yourself.

His stomach twisted an unfamiliar feeling of dread settling deep inside him. He wasn't stupid. He knew exactly what those marks meant and for the first time in a long time he felt... lost. Sylus was used to handling difficult situations, staying composed no matter what. But this? This was different.

He didn't know if he should say something. If he should bring it up. The air between you felt suddenly thick charged with something heavy and unspoken. You were still stretching lazily, unaware of the storm brewing in his mind.

Sylus stared at your wrists for another beat before you lowered your arms back down, your shirt falling back into place, hiding the evidence of whatever had been going on beneath the surface. You turned toward him with a sleepy smile, your eyes half-lidded with lingering drowsiness.

"Morning" you mumbled softly, unaware of the way his gaze had hardened, how his expression had tightened for just a split second before he smoothed it over with a casual smirk.

"Morning, sweetie" he replied his voice even though there was a slight edge to it that hadn't been there before. He reached out brushing a strand of hair away from your face, his touch gentle, though his mind was anything but calm.

He didn't bring it up immediately. For the next few minutes he tried to act like nothing had changed like he hadn't seen what he just saw. But it was eating away at him gnawing at the edges of his thoughts.

Sylus wasn't one to ignore things, and certainly not when it came to you. He was always so good at teasing you pushing your buttons just enough to make you blush but this... this was different. This wasn't something he could tease away.

As you lay there beside him your head resting on his chest he couldn't stop his eyes from drifting back to your wrists hidden beneath the fabric now but the image of those cuts was burned into his mind. His hand resting on your arm felt the weight of every line every mark that told a story he wasn't sure he was ready to hear.

Finally, he couldn't take it anymore.

"Sweetie" he began, his voice unusually soft but there was a tension beneath it. You shifted slightly, tilting your head up to look at him noticing the way his brow was furrowed his usual calm expression giving way to something more serious.

"What is it?" you asked, your voice still groggy from sleep.

For a moment Sylus hesitated something uncharacteristic for him. He wasn't the type to dance around things but this felt... delicate. Like if he said the wrong thing everything might crack.

"I..." He trailed off, his hand brushing lightly over your arm, his fingers tracing the edge of your sleeve. "I noticed something. On your wrists."

Your heart skipped a beat your body tensing immediately. You knew what he was talking about and suddenly the lazy morning felt far too suffocating. The room, once warm and comfortable, now felt like a trap.

Sylus watched the way your expression shifted, how your eyes darted away from his, how your breathing grew just a little more uneven. His jaw clenched and he forced himself to stay calm, though every instinct inside him was screaming to ask, to demand answers.

"I'm not stupid, kitten" he said, his voice quiet but firm. "Those aren't accidents, are they?"

You felt your throat tighten the weight of his words pressing down on you. The cuts— something you had tried so hard to keep hidden to push away-were now laid bare and Sylus, with his sharp eyes and relentless persistence, wasn't going to let this go.

"No” you whispered barely audible your voice cracking under the pressure of the moment. "They're not."

Sylus closed his eyes for a moment, exhaling slowly, as if trying to gather his thoughts.

When he opened them again his gaze was steady, though there was something darker behind it. "Why?" he asked, the word heavy with emotion. "Why are you doing this to yourself?"

You bit your lip, tears already welling in your eyes as you tried to find the words. "I don't know..." you started, but it felt hollow, like an excuse. You knew exactly why. "It just... it helps. When everything gets too much, it's like... it's the only thing I can control."

Sylus's expression faltered his usual confidence cracking as he processed your words. He had never seen you like this-so vulnerable,so lost. You, the person who was always so bright, so full of life. The one who always smiled, always laughed, even when he teased you relentlessly.

He felt guilt settle deep in his chest. Had he missed this? Had he been so caught up in his own world, in his work, that he hadn't noticed how much you were struggling? The thought gnawed at him, filling him with a sense of helplessness he rarely felt.

"You should've told me" he said, his voice low but there was an edge of frustration in it.

Not at you but at himself. "I should've been paying more attention. I should've known something was wrong."

You shook your head quickly the tears finally spilling over as you sat up wrapping your arms around yourself as if to protect yourself from his piercing gaze. "It's not your fault, Sylus” you said, your voice trembling. "I didn't want you to know. I didn't want to be a burden."

His eyes flashed with anger-again not at you but at the situation. "A burden?" he repeated, his tone sharp. "You think you're a burden to me?"

You flinched slightly at his words, and he immediately regretted the harshness of his tone. He reached out, his hand resting on your arm again, this time more gently.

"You're not a burden" he said, his voice softening. "Not to me. You never could be."

You looked down at your hands, your heart heavy with guilt and shame. "I just didn't know how to tell you. It's... it's hard. It's hard to explain why I do it and I didn't want to make you worry."

Sylus exhaled slowly, his hand moving to cup your cheek tilting your face up so you had no choice but to meet his gaze. "I’m already worried, sweetie" he said quietly. "and I wish you would've told me sooner. I hate that you've been going through this alone."

The tenderness in his voice broke something inside you and you couldn't hold back the sob that escaped your lips. You collapsed into his arms burying your face in his chest as the weight of everything you'd been holding in finally came crashing down.

Sylus wrapped his arms around you holding you tightly against him his chin resting on top of your head. "I'm here now" he murmured his voice steady though you could hear the pain behind it. "We'll get through this together. You don't have to do it alone anymore."

And for the first time in a long time, you felt like maybe-just maybe-you didn't have to carry the weight of it all by yourself.

[giurochedadomani]

In my mind, Bob starts liking John way before anyone should (yes, he's aware that it kind of counts as s*lf harm, being into a guy that

1) for all he knows is pretty much not into guys, very agressively het macho guy

2) a guy who's clearly not completely over his ex

3) and thinks of Bob as the weirdo of the team (John can be brass af at the very beginning).

Bob tells himself that he's just admiring from a distance and that anyway John is not going to notice/care if he freezes when he grabs him in celebration after a mission gone right (he's wroooong. John spirals about it, among other things)).

And John spends way too long pining for Bob. Like. Everyone except John knows he's pining (and Bob, who doesn't want to get his hopes up). From John's pov, he's studying Bob. Well, he studying everyone in the team. He's aware that he should be more present in the lives of the people he cares about and he's aware that he can be a dick, so he's trying to be a bit mindful not to get in everyone's nerves. Bob just happens to be a tough nut to crack, the guy has a hard time complaining about things that bother him and John is sure than more than one joke of his has landed horribly in his presence. He's very frustrating.

And then he notices he's got a bit of a crush and has a whole internal meltdown about 1) liking guys (he thinks him coming out is going to be way more controversial than it will be and spirals a bit about it)

2) liking someone other than his ex wife (again he feels guilty af for letting his marriage fail and spirals a bit about whether or not it's too soon for liking someone else or if he's just a dick)

3) liking Bob of all people (why does he find him so attractive? He's not specially femenine, doesn't have the long hair he usually admires in women, nor hides an especially voluptuous figure behind those big sweaters. Olivia herself is a force of nature to be reconned with, and somehow John has ended up being into a very soft spoken guy with atrocious self esteem. Why, is it because Bob has a cute smile? That he's the first person he's met in a long time with which John feels completely at ease?

4) how to even!! Test the waters!! Like maybe Bob hates his guts (he doesn't), or maybe he's not even into guys (John for the love of God he stares at you like a piece of candy). Maybe he'll ruin the team dynamic (the team is two longing looks away from locking you two on a room). What is he even supposed to do??

[brittscafe]

𝐈 𝐖𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐑𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐮𝐞 𝐘𝐨𝐮

TWWW

Pairing: Shunsui, Byakuya, Jushiro and Renji x wife! reader. (Separately)

Summary: Wife reader is struggling after a miscarriage and their bleach husband comes to the rescue. Warning: Very heavy content, please read at your own risk. Please do not read if you do not feel comfortable or are sensitive to this topic! I am not responsible for what you choose to read!!

Request: hello! Can I get a Bleach men x Wife! Reader where Y/n suffers a miscarriage and copes by doing s!lf harm, but the guys find out and try to comfort her when she breaks down after they find her, with Y/n calling herself a baby k!ller but they deny that and reassure her that they will never give up until she's happy again (they seal the deal with a lil pinkie promise! :3) If this is too heavy, then you can delete this request Hope you have fun with your bf! Much love!

A/n: Hello! Much love to you too, my friend <3 I decided to do just a few of them for this, of course, let me know if you would like to see this request with different characters.

Disclaimer: Also, please please please, read at your own risk. This piece involves a lot of trauma and content that is very sensitive. When writing this, I decided to not go into detail about the s!lf harm process as I know that can be very triggering, but please read at your own risk. I am not responsible for what you choose to read <3 I'm always afraid anytime I write sensitive topics like this that y'all are gonna come after me with pitchforks sooo here's your multiple warnings

Content: s!lf harm, blood, mention of kn!ves, content based on miscarriage, very angsty, this whole damn piece is a warning, fluff at the end. prepare your tissues <3

Ko-fi link (buy me a coffee! Anything is appreciated <3)

Shunsui:

"Y/n?" Shunsui calls out as he enters your shared house. His voice echoes throughout the house and he furrows his eyebrows. Shunsui's eardrums fill with the sound of something clattering on the ground in the kitchen.

He chuckles deeply and walks over to the kitchen. You're usually right at the door with a huge smile and open arms, ready to greet your husband.

"Hey, why are you-" Shunsui lets out a choke, interrupting his words as he's stunned at the scene in front of him. There's a knife, blood painted across it on the ground.

You're sitting on the floor, knees up to your chest and your back against a cabinet. Rough, hard sobs are tearing through your chest and filling the kitchen.

Shunsui's eyes have soften and he's at a lost for words. He doesn't hesitate to grab a clean cloth from the counter and kneel down beside you.

He presses the cloth to your wounds and a wince leaves your lips as the pressure sends a wave of pain to your fresh cuts. He takes the cloth off, seeing the white cloth now painted with crimson blood and exhales a heavy sigh.

"What has happened, my little petal?" Shunsui asks tenderly, placing his hands on your hips and lifting you into his lap. His hands and touch are very warm, bringing you a slight comfort.

Shunsui's heart dropped down to his feet when he saw you on the ground, a harmful tool beside you and you broken. Shunsui's thumb grasps your chin and tilts your face towards his.

You sniffle and your body rattles with a hurtful sob. "I-i didn't know what else to do. I had to be punished."

"Punished for what?" Shunsui scoffs out with confusion.

"For losing our baby. I had to be punished for losing our child, for killing our child," you sob out, hot tears rolling down your face as you let your head drop.

A noise escapes from Shunsui's throat, a noise of disbelief and sorrow. He shakes his head with denial and clasps your hands inside of his large ones.

His palms are rough and calloused, sign of being a very good, hard working captain.

"My little petal, you didn't have to punish yourself for the loss of our child. That's nonsense, y/n. You didn't lose our baby on purpose, it's just what happened," Shunsui's words soothe you as you sniffle, wiping at your eyes.

"But, it had to be done," you shake your head.

"It didn't, my petal. What's done is done, we can't change the past, but that doesn't mean we can't keep trying. You didn't kill our child, it just happened and it's no one's fault."

"Wait, you want to keep trying?" you ask, eyes widening.

"Of course I do. Come here," Shunsui's voice is husky as he cradles your head, bringing you to his chest. You rest your head on his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat.

"I really didn't kill our child?" you ask and Shunsui nods his head.

"No, of course not. I'll give you a baby, one day. I promise, my little petal," Shunsui whispers into your ear, gently rubbing your back. A tiny gleam of hope strikes through your body as you snuggle into him.

Shunsui reaches down to your hand, lacing his pinkie around yours. A weak smiles tugs on your face from the pinkie promise.

Byakuya:

It's your worst nightmare. To have someone you love and someone who loves you so dearly find you harming yourself. It's like a stab in the heart to Byakuya as he just stands there.

He's frozen in time, just staring at you. He doesn't know what to do, but he can feel the knife digging deeper and deeper into his heart.

His posture slumps over, something that never happens. Your lips tremble as you watch his heart break. A shudder leaves Byakuya as he walks over to you, basically dropping onto his knees.

"Why?" is all he can breath out.

"I killed our baby," you shake your head, tears slipping out from your eyes. Byakuya's eyebrows furrow and he shakes his head rapidly in denial.

"What?" he huffs out in confusion and denial.

"I deserve it. Our baby is dead because of me," you cry out, clenching your fists tightly

"Y/n, you didn't kill our baby," Byakuya shakes his head. You glance up at him through tears that are dropping on the bathroom tiles.

"No, I did." Your body is rattling and shaking with every teardrop that splashes onto the ground. The tears just seem to keep coming and your eyes cannot stop producing them.

Byakuya clears his throat, tears glistening his eyes as he gazes at what you did to yourself. He moves closer to you, placing his hand on the back of your head and pressing a soft kiss on your forehead.

"Oh, my sweet baby. You didn't kill our child and I can reassure you of that. It is not your fault, you did nothing wrong. Do you understand my words, y/n?" Byakuya asks, resting his forehead against yours.

"Yes," you mumble out, sniffling. Byakuya slowly brings his hands up and cups your cheeks, holding your face in his hands. Byakuya feels as if he's got the whole world in his hands.

"You are not a baby killer and you did not kill our child. It is just the ways things happened, but we shall not give up, ok? I will try as many as you would like to have a child," Byakuya speaks softly, eyes meeting yours.

The tears behind his eyes makes a shiver run down your spine and you press your lips together.

"Do you really mean it? You won't give up?" you ask, voice a tad nasally with all the tears gathered on your face. Byakuya smiles softly and places his hand on your belly.

"I give you my word, y/n. I will not stop until I give you a baby," he promises you and a weak smile tugs on your face. You place your hand on top of his that's resting on your belly and nod your head.

"Promise?" you ask, holding out your pinkie. Byakuya chuckles softly and nods his head, interlacing his pinkie with yours.

"I promise, my love."

Jushiro:

The door creeks open and your heart skips a beat. There's not enough time for you to even do anything as Jushiro steps inside the room, eyes locking onto you.

He doesn't shut the door behind him, he can't, he's in too much shock. His eyes staring at you on the ground, harming yourself in a way that is so heartbreaking to see.

Jushiro can feel his heart shatter as a large, dry lump forms in the back of his throat. Just from the sight of Jushiro, there are tears already running down your face.

You're panting heavily, heaving as Jushiro's eyes start to water up as he finally shuts the door behind him. Every movement he makes is so quiet, especially as he walks towards you.

Droplets of fresh blood are soaked into the carpet and Jushiro blinks with shock. He knows exactly what he's seeing and what you've been doing, but why?

He kneels down, a tear running down his cheek. "Y/n," he calls out, his voice breaking. His voice is full of sadness as he frowns widely.

He takes your hands into his, bowing his head down and pressing his forehead on your hands. Jushiro lets out a shaky exhale and you can feel something wet land on the top of your hand.

Your lips slightly part open as Jushiro lifts his head up, a teardrop rolling down his cheek. His eyes run along the parts of your body where you sliced it open and blood pours out from your self-inflicted wounds.

"Honey...why did you do this to yourself?" Jushiro's voice cracks and breaks. You slowly place your hand on your belly, lips quivering and Jushiro lets out a tiny gasp.

"I lost the baby, Jushi. It was because of me that we lost our baby. I'm a baby killer, I killed our baby," you shake your head, voice wobbling.

Jushiro's eyes widen and he rapidly shakes his head in denial. "Oh, my sweetie. It was not you and there was nothing you could have possibly done to save our child.

"But-" Jushiro instantly cuts you off, his hand cupping your cheek and forcing your eyes to meet his.

"No, y/n, stop. There should not even be a tiny bit of doubt of that nonsense, do you understand me?" Jushiro speaks more sternly, sending a shiver down your spine.

You gulp and nod your head slowly. "I do," you mumble out quietly, ashamed of your actions. Jushiro gently runs his fingertips over your fresh wounds and he frowns widely.

"Promise me you won't ever do something like this again. I promise you, you won't have a reason to."

"What do you mean?" you ask, eyebrows knitting together with confusion. Hope gleams in Jushiro's eyes and emotions fill your body.

"We'll keep trying if that's what you would desire. I will not give up until you have a child. We could try every second of the day we have," Jushiro bows his head down, determination laced in his voice.

Your heart skips a beat at the pure determination in Jushiro's voice. It makes your heartstrings tug at the core.

"Oh, thank you Jushi!" you gasp out, throwing your arms around him.

Jushiro smiles warmly, burying his face into the curve of your neck and he squeezes you tightly.

"I promise to give you a child and make you the happiest mother ever." He swears if it's the last he does, he will make sure to give you a child.

Renji:

Renji is shuffling through a pile of paperwork when he hears a sudden clatter coming from inside of your bedroom. He perks his head up, scooting back his chair and standing up.

"Y/n, are you okay?" Renji calls out, peering from where the sound came from. Renji follows the sound into the living room where you're on the couch, a tiny knife in your hand and cuts along the thighs of your body.

"Hey...what's going on?" he utters underneath his breath, trying to figure out what's going on. Renji blinks with shock, a shiver running down his spine.

You sink down in your figure at the sight of Renji, ashamed and embarrassed of what you have done.

There are hot tears rolling down your cheeks and your eyes sting from all the crying. Renji rushes over to your side, ripping the knife out from hand and dropping it on the ground.

"Y/n, what did you do?!" Renji gasps out, his hands searching the cuts along your thighs. You choke on your emotions before more tears come spilling out.

"I'm a baby killer, Renji. I killed our child, I deserve this!" you raise your voice, gut wrenching sobs tearing through your chest. Renji's eyes widen as his heart pounds against his chest and he rapidly shakes his head.

"No! No, what are you saying? You're not a baby killer, y/n. You just had a miscarriage, something that is normal and not your fault at all!" Renji protests, grabbing your wrists and pulling you up.

He easily pulls you into his lap, laying back into the couch. His arms circle around you, tight and seeming to never want to let you go.

"I'm the one who's suppose to grow the baby in my belly. I had to have done something wrong!" you protest and Renji grabs your shoulder, pressing his thumbs into your flesh.

He gazes at your puffy face and your red, stinging eyes. "Gosh, I wish you wouldn't look so cute crying about this. We loss the baby and I know how difficult this has been for you," Renji speaks softly, rubbing his thumbs around your shoulders.

You sniffle and nod your head. You love that Renji is acknowledging your feelings and how this is making you feel.

"I just wanted this baby so bad," you mumble out, your voice a tad wobbly. Renji's eyes soften and he nods his head empathetically.

"I know, honey. We can talk about our lost child anytime you want, you know I am here for you. Now, my question for you is...would you like to try for another?" Renji asks and he sees your eyes light up with hope.

"You would want to? What if I lose the baby again?" you ask, rolling your bottom lip in and chewing on it.

"Then I would keep trying, if you wanted to. I will give you a child if that's what you really want, y/n."

You swallow and nod your head. Renji smiles warmly and squeezes you gently. "I'll make you happy, babe. Our little family will be so happy, I promise you," Renji announces with happiness, pressing a soft kiss to your temple.

You snuggle into Renji's arms and his warm chest, heart filling with happiness at the thought of having your own family with Renji.

[that-smallinjured-bowylamb]

Creepy!Yuu and Victim!Reader Concept.

Warnings: Actual stalking, creepy behavior, psychotic habits, vague threats(?), just Yuu being creepy in this AU[no shit], swearing, implications of suicide(?), bullying, isolating, s€lf-h@rm, blackmailing with photos, harassment, mentions of death, tell me if I missed anything!!!

☆~~———~~☆

•So, it'll start in 5th or 3rd grade. You remember playing with your other friends or you could be alone. Now, let's say you were running and suddenly bumped into a kid, Yuu. Yuu was a strange kid, they were in your P.E class but never seem to speak to you. While you spoke with many others.

•You weren't sure where it began when you felt a pair of eyes on you. It started small, just Yuu and you walking past by the hall. And you'd hang out with your friends, do assignments that were easy to do, and get good grades.

•Then, at high school. It all spiraled, bit by bit. Starting with your sanity. You'd feel the pair of eyes frequently, especially in your home. It felt like you were being watched. Someone follows you when you go out to do groceries, shop, or even just hang out with your friends somewhere you all hang out usually. Someone stares at you and you don't know who. Could it be that guy wearing a hat and trench coat? He seems busy with his cigarettes, staring into the horizon of something. Or, could it be that woman? Who could it be? You'd look behind yourself so much, your friends start to take notice and are quite worried for you. You'd reassure them that you're fine but wonder out loud if they've ever felt someone watching them. They said no. You shrug off the feeling forcefully. Thinking it is just paranoia, that no one is truly following you... was that a figure dashing in the crowd?

•Your sanity is slowly being chipped away for reasons unknown. You started receiving love letters from who? Especially when these love letters start right after you hang out with your friends. It starts with sweet admiration for you, expressing how blessed they are to have the privilege to see you, to speak with you. Then it'd get creepier, saying how lovely your eyes will be in a jar or something. It creeped you out. Why would someone tell you that? That's fucking insane. You'd show this to your friends, they suggest calling the cops. But when they reported it, there were no fingerprints. They've suspected every student, including Yuu. But something, or a small part of you tells you that Yuu could be behind it. People are sneaky, and so are stalkers.

•It would happen all too quickly. All you remembered was how you'd bumped into Yuu again, just like in old times. They've seemed strange, and still are. Yuu would wave at you, and you'd wave back. But when you past Yuu? You felt their eyes linger on your figure. Something went down your spine, and it is not good at all. Your paranoia made you lose sleep, you couldn't sleep knowing someone was watching you, anywhere and anything you did or went, they were there. A part of you thought it was just a prank someone had set up to scare you, but it went on and on and on. Just like what you felt in elementary school. That feeling never shook off. No matter how many schools you transferred to or how many countries you went to, it always felt like they were near. But who? Why? Why was it you? Why did it have to be you? Who is doing this? What do they want? From the way they were expressing their love to you, it felt off. Why would they want to harm you in the same breath they claim to love you?

•One time, when you were showering, you felt eyes on you again. It didn't matter if your windows were closed or if you even had windows at all. It was there, you couldn't see it, you didn't know who was in there. Do you? Maybe, your going insane, you need to check to a psychiatrist after this. This is not going good. But, when you finished showering? Guess what. A letter was on your sink. It was creepy how your stalker got inside while you were showering. This made you want to puke, you wanted to throw up. What the hell is this? Why is this happening to you? You never consented to this! Why!?- breath. Take deep breaths. You'll be fine. For now. You were shaking.

•And it all happened so suddenly, all of your friends were being distant with you, despite their reluctance into talking with you, you still manage to get through one. They claimed they've been threatened and blackmailed by an unknown number to stay away from you, but why? Why must they do this? What did you do? It must be that stalker again, isn't it? Who else would it be?

•What will happen to your future? Your life? What will happen to your plans? Will they all go to waste? You don't wanna die. Not yet. Not ever. You still had a lot to do, why are you suffering now? Please don't do this.

•And there was this one day, one of your friends went missing. Yes, missing. Gone. No where to be seen. Last seen alone before disappearing. This isn't- it shouldn't be- why? Why would they do this? What's happening to you? You've grown scared. Scared of what will happen to your other friends. Now, there are rumors about you, bad ones. Everyone makes fun of you, bullies you for being different. Your friends are scared now, they don't wanna be near you, or else they'll be next.

•One night, you were over this. You wanted to die. There was no use in living if this continued. Why, is your life a joke to them? What else do you have? Your future is going to be taken away from you, sooner or later.

•One day, just one day, Yuu came by and saw you crouched down on the floor. Crying. They approached you.

"What's wrong?" Yuu said, crouching beside you, "I-I *hic* c-can't-" you sobbed out, it was much too painful for you to explain, but with the written words on your desk, it's already explainable. Yuu rubs your back, reassuring you that they're here.

Yes, they are here. With you.

"It's alright, I'll help you." Yuu promised. But something didn't feel right with their eyes. Something felt off about them, something not normal.

You looked into their eyes, it seemed empty. No empathy or anything, just soulless. Something told you not to trust them, are you sure you would willingly take their hand? If you were to be so desperate, you'd take it.

And, you did.

•Being with Yuu wasn't so bad, if only you could stop feeling them stare at you whenever you were in the their peripheral vision. It wouldn't be so bad if you couldn't shake off the feeling they might've been breathing down your neck and smelling your hair.

•One time you visited their house, and guess what? They had the same products you used. They said they like this type of products and maybe both of you have a lot in common, so you shrugged it off, but still had suspicions. Talking to them was fun, and every minute they'd glance at you, then your figure, then wherever they can see from you. It creeped you out. It reminded you of your stalker...

...your stalker... is it..? Could it be..?- Ah, no, no its alright. Maybe, they're just looking? Just looking. Paranoia is getting to you, really. Yes, that's it. Nothing else, you aren't scared. You aren't hurt, yet.

•Whenever Yuu visits your house, you always see them checking for places, specifically , your closet. They've always brushed it off. Saying that they were afraid of ghosts or monsters that hid in there. Even when you reassured them, there isn't. You've once caught them in your laundry room. What the fuck? Anyway, Yuu said if you had any spare clothes for them, maybe that's why they checked your laundry? But, you've already stated before you didn't have any spare clothes for then... maybe they forgot? Yeah, maybe they did. It was every weekend for you and Yuu. Yuu would visit your house, and you visit theirs. Of course, excluding a sleepover at their house since they don't like hanging out in their room, which is alright, if it weren't for the suspicious gleam in their eyes.

•And one day, in that incident, broke Yuu and your friendship. The door to Yuu's bedroom was left ajar, you heard muffled noises in there. You didn't know if you should check or not. But the desperate thought at the back of your head wanted to find out, to do something. You still weren't over the fact that you have a stalker. You were sure about it. You wanted to find out, Yuu said they'll come back after buying something in the groceries, you had enough time. No one is watching you, your nervous.

•And then you see your fucking friend. Tied up with ropes and a cloth around their mouth, muttering incoherent noises while tears well-up in their eyes. They look like they wanted to scream, but sobbed in their cloth instead. You removed their cloth and began to try and untie the ropes.

•A gun was held to the side of your head. No. No, no, no, nonononono!-

"Shhh, don't cry. You aren't my target." Yuu smiled maliciously. They caressed your cheek, you were paralyzed.

Until they shot your friend in front of you.

.... what are you going to say now? Nothing. You felt empty, paralyzed. What were you supposed to do? What now? You were shaking, yet your eyes held no emotion, just staring at your lifeless friend. Their precious blood pours out for all the sinners to see. Why, to the holiest of creatures, had to be killed by creatures of sinners? Crimsons pour out of their body like forbidden wine. Your throat wanted you to scream, your mind said no, your heart told you to run. But Yuu kept you in place, they showed you photos,

Photos of you in the bathroom, changing, and most of them were risqué view. Why?

•Why did it have to be you? Of all people, it had to be you? You? Yuu? It's you? It's Yuu's fault. Not yours. You. Yuu? Why, a few hours ago you were fine. Maybe you should've stayed curious, stayed oblivious. Maybe you wouldn't have fallen in so deep, if you didn't keep sticking your nose somewhere you didn't belong. Why? Why? Why did it have to be you? What did you do to deserve it?

•Now Yuu has you in their grasp. Finally. You'll continue being with them, won't you? Not like you can say no to them. Yes, they're aware, monsters and ghosts are bad and scary. But not as bad as humanity. A world where humanity thrives and no other species lived. Either killed or myth. What's more scary is that the closest person to you might betray you. Usually a human.

•Yuu had shown you what they'll do when you try to snitch on them. There's no point in backing out now. Especially when they know everything in your life. You had no privacy, no peace to yourself, nothing. What was there to do when they knew every step you made, every breath you take, your movement being counted down by the second, the crinkle in your eyes copied in a wink, every conscious of 'yourself' is stolen.

•Every laugh, every habit. They had it. They loved you, no, not love, they wanted you. They wanted to be you. They wanted to merge into one.

•You had given up, or did you? You felt like a vessel in a body. Was this yesterday or a month ago? You couldn't remember when it started. When did it start when you felt 'yourself' empty? It was like your 'self' had been poured out of "you." Gone and drained. It's like water flowing down the sewerage after a shower, 'cleansing' your body whole. You watch as Yuu took 'you'. You watched as Yuu took your friends and isolated you. All the while watching everything you do.

•Now, it's time. You've tied a noose. This time, no one is here. Yuu's friends have been dragging them around for a hang out time. They've been so lively lately. While you were left as a bodily husk of who you used to be. The rope goes tighter, fastening itself around your neck like a snake coiling around you, sweet venomous promises of eternal peace. Close your eyes, sewn shut. You'll find a new peace, sweet dreams.

You kicked off the chair that held your two feet.

Everything was dark but you were still breathing, what?

Aren't you supposed to be dead?

Welcome to Night Raven College.

End.

This took very long for me to finish btw.

The 'love letters' btw are

Note 1: "Your eyes shine under the moon's beam, it reflects the nature of your soul, oh, how privileged I am to live in your presence."

Note 2: "You've seemed quite lonely amidst a sea of companions, how I wish I could be beside you like your friends."

Note 3: "When you do your lessons it inspires me, when you tie your laces on the shoes, it reminds me of those nights where I'd imagine you were the shoes."

Note 3: "Your hair is beautiful, I collect every strands that fell. Oh, how they shine for no one else but I. You do not understand the effects you have on others."

Note 4: "If I were you, I'd gouge my eyes out, and collect them in my jars. Admire them for hours on end, mesmerized by their shine that once belonged to a part of you."

Note 5: "I see your figure by night, I see your soul by day. Whether you cover yourself or not, you are still a masterpiece I'd pay."

Note 6: "You've grown more beautiful by the day, how lucky your friends must be. If only I took their place. Would you look at me like you look at them? I could only hope."

The bathroom note:

"Your body is what I desire. Your hair, eyes, lips, nose, teeth, jaw, neck, limb, bones, and joints. Every part of you, I want to tear apart until I see your divine blood all over the cold, marble floor. If I had the chance, I would grabbed you and shoved you into the toilet and made you drown, that way, you wouldn't stop me nor scream for what my sins will do."

[beelanddiavolosimp-blog]

So, I asked before, and never got a reply.

I guess Maybe you're not okay with doing this? Either that or it didn't go through. In case it was the second option:

How the obey me! Characters would react to an MC who self harms. (not just the brothers, please)

I am back! Probably not a good post to start off with but I am going through my asks one by one and will hopefully get through them all!

*trigger warning self harm & self harm scars*

Reactions to an MC with s*lf h*rm issues

Lucifer

He of course noticed immediately nothing gets past his sharp eyes. He didn't know exactly how to go about asking about such a thing all he knew was he wanted to help put a stop to it. He eventually broke the ice and asked in a deep heartfelt manner. He eventually did such things as putting up any sharp objects and having a watch on you for a long time. He didn't see it as excessive and neither did his brothers. He eventually with through love and care got you to stop. He often times runs his fingers over the scars and tells you that you're still beautiful to him scars or none at all.

Mammon

He didn't notice at first meet due to the baggy clothes you had worn damn near all the time. He saw them at dinner and actually refrained himself from shouting at you and making a huge scene. He eventually cornered you and asked as calm as he could. He definitely kept a way closer eye than he had originally. He always somehow caught you before you attempted and held you with his own tears falling as well begging you to stop so he doesn't see his precious treasure in pain. It eventually became second nature even after you stopped he still was as watchful as Lucifer.

Levi

He tended to keep his distance so he had no idea until he came into your room at a really bad time. He immediately burst into tears and panicked he did know to take the sharp object away and hold you at least. He didn't say a word to his brothers since you asked him not to but he did invade a lot of your personal space no longer shy about it. He made sure your scars were healing and nothing fresh appeared. He was never far behind you so it was impossible to even try. If it were from the beginning he would have scolded himself for being such a ditz and not seeing the obvious he wished he had helped sooner than he had.

Satan

He sometimes took out his aggression in that way in the past so he wasn't as overreactive as his brothers. He did however dislike you doing such a thing. He knew to hit the problem at the source and coax you into small steps at stopping. Even with the small steps he always stopped you unbeknownst to you he cast a spell to make sure nothing harmful touches your skin. He did relay that information to you but was always so happy seeing your body heal and no longer bleed. He doesn't bring it up unless he notices it could get bad but definitely praises you a bit more than usual when he notices you stop attempting.

Asmos

As most wouldn't expect he actually doesn't overreact. He is very calm and gently distracts you as he removes anything harmful away. He huffs and puffs about scarring your beautiful skin but also keeps up on your mental health. He makes your journal, vent to him, cry, anything to help you. He also keeps this to himself he didn't feel it was worthy of sharing with others. He kept track of your progress in his head and yet always treated you the same as if you were still you.

Beel

He is actually the one to be the overreacter. He immediately helps and was all tears along with you. He hated seeing the ones he loved hurt, bleeding, injured, anything harmful really. He often cries when looking over the marks he completely missed and begged you to stop. He was stubborn and kept literally everything away that could possibly be used in that way. He also took into mind your mental health and got you to go out more enjoy nature, life anything to help. He always held you in his arms with bad episodes and slowly rocked with you.

Belphie

He was eerily silent. He immediately got you to stop and lets just say he quite literally attached to you completely. He had no issues following you around and making sure you're safe towards yourself. He never did stop either always wrapping around you holding you or putting you to sleep once you asked him to. He hurt deep in his heart since he knew you were hurting but once he saw you progress he became happier to show you he will feel as you do.

Diavolo

He has heard of this of course. He's seen so many things. Barb can't keep everything from him. He did basically keep every eye he had on you but made sure to make it discreet so it felt as if nothing were there for you. Every time you tried he would be right there to stop you. He offered any and everything to get you to stop and even if you were stubborn he never quit. He didn't shame you or push you into anything just let you progress on your own with his support. Once he heard you were getting better he started to give you more gifts a subtle way to congratulate your progress without saying it

Barb

He immediately removed the object you were using and never let it be within your reach ever again. He didn't say anything really just basically blocked you from any form of self harm. He said you need to heal yourself within before he can fully trust you with anything sharp. Eventually through a tough and long process you got there and could use small things here and there without any thoughts of attempting. His smile slowly returning as you progressed.

Notes: I'm going to end it here since I am not particularly fond of self harm coming from someone who had done it themselves. I hope this doesn't seem too repetitive I did try with the few I wrote for

[theicinha]

(Tw: S*lf-harm)

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Mari did an whoops...

(Alt version below)

[the-astrophel-system]

For CDD systems who want to know what non-disordered systems are like. Imagine everything you experience, but without most of the resources that CDD systems get, and with people constantly saying you’re roleplaying the conditions that make just existing harder for you. I hope you find this exercise eye opening.

LMAO WHAT RESOURCES?? we're getting resources?? /silly

in complete seriousness. no.

you do not deal with flashbacks, nightmares, crippling avoidance.

you do not deal with constantly being in fight or flight.

you do not deal with suddenly waking up and finding s*lf h*rm (e,a).

you do not deal with losing friends constantly and you never remember why.

you do not deal with losing days or weeks on end.

you do not deal with debilitating identity issues.

you do not deal with alters fighting or hating each other or actively harming each other.

if you want to claim to be non disordered, you do not experience any of this. that means you are not fucking comparable to our experience. fuck off and grow up. this is the fucking reality of having a system. you are not the same, you are not comparable.

those who have a cdd and are in remission / recovery / functionally multiple or fully fused, im not talking about you here

[yuikomorii]

People be saying the Sakamaki bros were innocent as kids even though the games and Young Blood showed otherwise lol.

// I mean… they must have been innocent at some point in their lives, right?

Shu: Used Ayato as bait and abandoned him with the ghouls.

Reiji: Put Yuma’s village on fire so as to hurt Shu. He’s been a throwing shade on him since childhood too.

Subaru: Made fun of Ayato and abandoned him with the ghouls.

Laito: Was the one who planted the idea in Ayato’s mind that he wasn’t special and even encouraged Kanato to s€lf-harm. He also once mentioned trying to kill Ayato when they were younger.

Kanato: Couldn’t help Laito when Cordelia was grooming him.

Ayato: Couldn’t help Laito when Cordelia was grooming him.

In conclusion, the only characters who were mostly innocent and never intentionally mean were Ayato and Kanato. Aside from the incident with Laito, which they had no power to prevent, we’ve never seen their younger selves do anything bad to someone who did nothing wrong to them.

[daydreamerswriting]

Telling Dallas you SH

Dallas Winston x reader

An: Hi!! First post! Please send me requests if you have any because my writer's block is horrible :')

Tw: S*lf-h*rm mentioned (do I have to censor this?), Dallas being a little insensitive because he's Dallas, not proof read fully

I need to tell him. I need to. I think to myself as I walk up the stairs at buck's. I'm shaking and my heart is pounding. God, I do not want to do this. I hug my purse for comfort as I approach his door. I can do this. Just knock. I tell myself.

I take a deep breath as I bring my fist up to the door and tap it three times. I focus on my breathing and try to calm myself down. I hear shifting coming from inside the bedroom. I don't have to wait very long before Dallas opens the door.

"Oh, hey." He says. His hair is a mess -when is it not- and he smells strongly of cigarettes. He looks tired. He almost always looks tired, it makes me said.

God, Y/N, focus.

"Hey. Can I talk to you.. about something?" I say. My stupid voice is shaking. Gosh, am I dramatic!

He furrows his brows a bit and moves over to let me in his room as he says: "Uh, sure, yeah."

I step into his room. I'm still hugging my purse and suddenly feel embarrassed when I remember that I am. I set in on the dresser, but that feels awkward. Should I move it or-?

"So what'd you want to talk about? Am I in trouble?" His gravely voice cuts through my thoughts. I look over to see he's taken a seat on his bed.

"Oh- no. You're not in trouble," I can't help but smile a little. "I just need to tell you something." I make my way over and sit next to him.

He stares at me like he's trying to read my mind. I open my mouth but I can't will the words to come out. He must be able to tell how nervous I am, because he takes my hands in his and says: "I don't got all day. Out with it."

I stare back at him, but the nervous butterflies in my stomach tell me to look away so I do. I look down. No, no, I can do this. I can. So I look back up and without allowing myself to think blurt out.

"I harm myself."

His expression shifts and he's quiet for a moment.

"That's not funny."

"I'm not joking, Dal." I say quietly. I might cry.

He's quiet for another moment then let's out a breath.

"For how long?" He asks, not looking at me.

"[Amount of time]" I whisper.

"Jesus Christ." He says under his breath. He lets go of one of my hands and runs it through his hair before placing it on his thigh. "And you didn't tell me until now?"

I can feel my face getting hot and my eyes getting wet. "It- It's not easy." My voice is weak.

He looks back at me, hearing the sadness in my voice. His expression sadness as he gazes at me. "Don't cry, Y/N" He says in the most gentle voice I've ever heard from him. He squeezes my hand tighter. "I'm sorry, doll."

"You don't have to be sorry." I sniffle.

He rubs my arm with his other hand, and I can tell from his eyes that he's got a million questions. I might as well open the floor.

"What?" I ask softly.

He hesitates for a moment. He stares at me with these sad puppy dog eyes and it almost makes me feel worse. But then he hugs me. So I warm my arms around his neck and hug him back. I move into his lap because I feel the need to be closer to him, and I can tell from how he helps pull me into his lap, he needs to be closer too. He holds me tight and puts his head on my shoulder.

"I love you." He whispers into my ear.

"I love you too."

Dallas strokes my hair with his calloused fingers and kisses my forehead.

I pull my head back just enough so I can look him in the eye. "Dallas, I need you promise me that this won't change us. I don't want any special treatment or pity. I just want us to continue as we are, okay?" I say as sternly as I can manage, though my voice is still pretty quiet.

He nods, his fingers still tangled in my hair. "Yeah, okay. You're still you or whatever."

"Yeah. Still me." I smile a little. He smiles back.

"Am I supposed to say, 'promise to stop for me' or something now?" He asks, trying to lighten the mood.

I almost giggle. "No. That's so stupid. I hate that. Just... I don't know... say you'll always support me and stuff." I feel myself finally relaxing as he continues to play with my hair.

"Right. You mean the world to me. You're such a sweet person and I have no idea how I managed to bag you." He smirks a little when I smile. "You have done nothing but love me and care for me. Well, actually you annoy me a lot too. But-" He chuckles a bit when I give him a look. "Sorry, Doll. You are the most amazing person I know. So of course I will always be there for you as well. I'll listen and all the crap."

This time I hug him. I pull myself against him. He moves his hand from my hair and rubs my back.

"Damn, my speech that good?"

I smile. "It was good for you."

Dallas laughs briefly. "Whatever." He keeps one arm securely around my waist as the other continues to rub my back. The smell of his colone and cigarettes fill my nose in a familiar way. His body warmth is making me feel so safe and his tight hold feels like home. I'm glad I told him.

"I love you. Thanks for not freaking out." I whisper.

"I love you too."

"I'm glad I told you."

"I'm glad you did too. I have more questions though."

I sigh. "Of course."

~~~~~

An: Sorry to make the first fic a sad one! But this is something I struggle with and I'm so sick of reading fics that are so unrealistic and have no idea what they're talking about when it comes to sh. Please leave requests, beauties!!

[ivonhart]

the moon | steven grant x fem werewolf!reader

+ marc spector & jake lockley

— chapter five

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masterlist

cross posted on ao3

gif credit: @paper-n-ashes

summary: You've always hated the moon. Hated the way it made your body bend and break into a new form every month. Hated the way it tied you to one of the many gods of it. But you couldn't hate what the moon connected you to...who it connected you to.

a/n: !! chapter warnings !! Marc gets a lil slap across his face / dissociation / unintentional s*lf-harm

“Marc…please don’t push me away.” Your plea rang through Marc’s head every moment since he left you in that courtyard. He hated what he said to you. He hated your lack of presence. He hated Steven scolding him. But most of all…he hated himself. By the time he got to Cairo he was quick to begin nursing any bottle of alcohol he could get his hands on, anxiously awaiting the moment you showed up.

He had no doubts that you knew where he was heading and made the preparations. You always did manage to find your way back to him as he did you. Perhaps it was because of Khonshu, because of the work you both did, but maybe…just maybe it was something more. Something deeper.

The moment you reached Cairo you made your way to the hotel Marc was staying at. The bags underneath your eyes grew more and more with each passing day. You hadn’t had a solid sleep since Steven got attacked by Harrow and your body was suffering for it. You didn’t bother to knock on the door and Marc must’ve expected that because he didn’t budge the moment you stepped in.

A wave of smells assaulted your nose, causing it to curl up in disgust. Alcohol. “Marc?” Your voice shot through the silent room as loud as a bomb, but even so, Marc made no movement to your voice aside from a slight twitch of the head. “She looks bloody exhausted.” Steven whispered in Marc’s ear. Because of the Cairo heat you had to wear more revealing clothes, allowing Steven to finally look at the scar.

The scar he now knew some about. Marc didn’t have to check to know it was true. Along with remembering your words that night he also remembered how tired you looked. As Marc drowned in his thoughts you made your way in front of him, lightly kicking his outstretched foot.

“Marc, come on. Get your shit together so we can get ready to find Harrow in the morning.” Your blood lit on fire as you watched the man take another swing from the bottle he was holding. Not even giving a damn about the liquid that dripped onto his already damp, bare chest.

“I don’t need this shit right now. I’m so fucking tired and I can’t handle you wallowing in your pity party.” You kicked his foot again but with a little more power, the words you spoke coming out from between your clenched teeth. Your anger started to make your body feel hotter than it already was because of the heat.

To no one’s surprise, the man didn’t move. Opting to ignore both your words and Stevens’. A guttural growl passed your lips as you finally snapped. “FOR FUCK SAKE!” With a quick turn on your heel you disappeared into the bathroom and a few seconds later you came stomping back out. “Stop acting like a fucking child!”

You said as you yanked the man to his feet, paying no mind to the bottle that slipped from his fingers and shattered on the ground. With the unnatural strength you possessed, you pushed the man through the bathroom and into the shower that was provided before throwing clean clothes on the ground for him to use. “Now, get yourself cleaned up or so help me…” And with that you slammed the bathroom door and started cleaning the mess he made.

You were so consumed in your thoughts that you didn’t even notice the fact the shower had stopped running until you heard his voice. “I’m sorry.” Those words stopped you in your tracks. “What?” You softly asked with your back towards him. “I’m sorry…for what I said.” The glass you had in your hand suddenly pierced through your palm as you clenched your fists together.

The once large pieces breaking into small ones that dug into your skin. Slowly, you turned around with a look of disbelief across your face. “You’re…sorry?” You paid no mind to the warmth that flooded your hand for your mind was too clouded with rage. “FUCK YOU!” You shouted, causing the man to flinch and drop his head. The glass you held fell to the ground as you opened your palms with a growl.

“You don’t get to be sorry!” Marc refused to look at your eyes, causing you to send your hand across his face. “LOOK AT ME WHEN I’M TALKING TO YOU!” The furry you felt made it feel as though your body was on fire. The audacity of that man. When his eyes met yours you could see the shine of tears beginning to form, but you couldn’t care less. Not right now.

“You don’t get to say such things to me and be ‘sorry.’” At this point you were almost panting with how worked up you were. The urge to hurt him like he hurt you was overwhelming, causing the wolf to stir within your mind. Wanting…needing to attack anything due to the heightened aggression you felt.

“I have barely eaten or slept these last few days. I have been attacked by Jackals, concussed, SHOT, and have fucking Khonshu breathing down my neck the whole time. And all the while I was still on Steven’s heels making sure he, and you, didn’t get hurt. ” Steven had never seen you in such a state before. The pure rage that glimmered in your eyes made a shiver run down his spine as he watched through Marc.

Your frantic movements and bared fangs made you almost animalistic…like a wolf ready to fight. “And for you to have the audacity to say I didn’t do anything and I’d be better off dead.” Your mind was moving so fast you didn’t even register what you said until you said it. “It hurt. It hurt so fucking much because of how I care about you.”

A bitter laugh came from your lips as you dropped your head. “In a way not appropriate for just ‘friends.’ If that’s what we even are.” Marc’s eyes widened at the confession. His cheeks grew warm and his heart squeezed in a way he never felt. But, before he could say anything you spoke again. “I don’t want to hear your damn apology.” Your voice was quiet now…almost a whisper.

The exhaustion you felt caused your eyesight to go hazy as any strength you had left disappeared from your outburst. You were running on fumes at this point. “I bet you only said it to appease Steven. He is the best of us.” Marc saw how your body started swaying back and forth and when you tried to reach out you slapped his hand away.

Your hand was fully covered in blood now from the lack of pressure to stop the flow. Not even looking at him as you did. “Don’t fucking touch me.” Despite the soft tone you had, it still shot Marc through the heart. You always reach for him first to hold and now…nothing. Wordlessly, you walked past the man and into the bathroom, leaving a trail of blood droplets along the way.

-

The moment you closed the bathroom door, you collapsed against the nearest wall. Any energy you could’ve had disappeared as you cupped your wounded hand against your chest. Because of the small bits of glass that dug into your skin, your healing abilities were unable to take effect.

So…now you sat in the bathroom with glazed over eyes and a clouded mind, haphazardly digging around in your hand in search of the glass after you dropped your hand to the cold ground. You’re not sure how long you were in there before you heard a soft knock on the door.

A gentle knock that pulled you, slightly, from your dissociated state. “Love?” Love…Steven. It was Steven. You felt your body lightly jolt at the sound of his voice but you made no attempt to move. It was if your body had molded with the ground you found yourself on. The cold tile freezing you in place as the weight you carried crushed you down.

That’s when you heard him again…calling your name. It was faint, fading in and out from the ringing in your ears. Then the pain in your chest began as your eyes stayed forward. It was as if someone reached their hand down your throat and took hold of your heart. Squeezing just enough to make it feel like you couldn’t breathe. You could hear his pleads but they sounded distant.

“Let me in, please. I don’t know how much longer I can keep the body.” Your throat began to close as you heard cries in the distance. Was Steven crying? Why was he crying? Then the wetness came. It rolled down your cheeks and began gathering on your shirt, yet you stayed glued to the spot. You were crying.

Steven could hear it. The sobs that tore through your throat as if it cut you from the inside. That’s when he saw the blood. Without another thought, the man pushed the door open and a gasp left his mouth at the sight of you. There you were…propped up against the wall next to the door, barely breathing as tears flooded down your cheeks whilst cries left your lungs.

And your hands. One peeling the skin apart on the hand you smashed the glass with, resulting in blood to spill across the ground that carried the shards of glass once stuck within. Steven could taste bile in his throat at the exposed layers of skin you clawed apart, but he pushed any nausea aside and jumped into action.

Quickly, the man grabbed the first aid kit and tore your hand away from the wound. That’s when your eyes slowly moved over to meet his…but they weren’t the same ones he remembered. They were vacant, distant, devoid of any light he once saw and so puffy he thought your eyes would become swollen shut. He called your name again, but you simply stared at him. Looked through him as if he wasn’t even there.

“It’s going to be okay. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.” Steven’s whispers broke through the fog that clouded your senses and made you realize he was actually here. Actually tending to the wound you inflicted upon yourself. You choked out the man’s name between your sobs as you fell into his arms.

The moment you consumed yourself within his warmth and sent your sobs turned into wails. He knew that the weight of everything that had happened collided within you the moment he wrapped his arms around you. So now matter how hard you held him or how wet you made his shirt, the man refused to push you away.

He wasn’t going to do what Marc had done. Your shivering body was pulled into Steven’s lap as he encased you in him. You got as close as you could to the man and with each passing minute your wails grew quieter and quieter until, eventually, you sat quietly on his lap as he finished bandaging your wound.

Your eyes began to droop as the exhaustion finally caught up to you and as you let yourself fall into a peaceful state between sleep and awareness, something shifted in the man behind you. His smell changed. Changed to a scent unfamiliar to you. But, any thoughts seemed to slip from your mind as the man picked you up and carried you to the bed.

With your senses clouded with sleep you reached towards the closest thing that carried the scent of the men you adored so much. As you pulled the shirt you latched on to, the man watched from the foot of the bed. His hard eyes turned soft at the sight of you finally being able to relax. “Descansa ahora.” Rest now.

-

a/n: JAKE MENTIONED *crowd goes wild* In my first version of this story I had the reader forgive Marc crazy quickly but I thought it'd be better for the reader to snap. Anyway, our girl is going absolutely THROUGH IT (it's gonna get worse :3)

taglist: @n1ght5h4d3-24 / @sunipostsstuff / @blackholegladiator / @ajeff855 / @daughterofthequeen / @faefanatic / @dropdeadbec / @sgt-morgan / @milk-bulb / @dev-angeline / @griffinkid2187 / @mxltifxnd0m / @badbishsblog / @local-mr-frog / @khaleesihavilliard / @rmoonstoner / @thewinterv / @oscarissac2099

[secretstrangerperv]

read before interacting!!

im a chubby nerdy loser stalker boyfail but you can also call me charlie

MINORS, AGELESS BIOS, MAPS will be blocked on sight

this is a dark kinks/fetishes blog and i do use cw and tw but not consistently. everything i write is fantasy but still, dead dove do not eat

switch w dom lean, mainly mlm and t4t but moves around a little bit! i am into women but lightly idk? any gender weird people are welcome and super hot

single but not really looking but also i have bpd so i might get obsessed w u if u give me enough attention. also a pinch of objectum

when it comes to asks i tend to try and always respond but im not promising the same for dms, i have social anxiety and other issues so it just depends on the day if i respond or not, dont take it personally 😭 basically send asks and not dms cuz i wont respond to dms. still i can be picky w asks so please keep it thoughtful if you want a response

warning: i will disappear for long amounts of time and reappear

im pre everything (not for long tho!!). my chest is my chest, not my boobs or my tits. my genitals are my boycunt, boypussy, tdick/tcock and most times just my dick or cock cuz i like that better

anon emojis - 💥;🦚;🩵;🗝️;🏆;🥩;📹;🌻; 📼;🪽🐾;🐑;🪻🌧️;🎼;🔪;⚾️

me btw!

kinks/limits and more below the cut

kinks: cnc, somno, stalking, pissplay, omo, degradation, body smells, anal, used condoms, humiliation, fucking someone with household objects(some foods), knight/royalty play, impact play, bondage, praise, being a service top or power bottom, edging, power exchange, domxdom, humping, frotting, begging, petplay, military/chain of command stuff, body worship, blood (warning for a little s*lf harm), bruises, general violence w sexual tension. probably many more. always feel free to ask!

when im a dom i am -> sir. maybe more idk. not really into a lot of dom specific titles

sub specific titles -> good boy, pet, toy/doll, puppy/kitty, kiddo/buddy

you may call me these anytime -> perv/ert, creep, loser, stupid, idiot, generally into being called humiliating things!

feel free to ask if theres a specific one you wanna use and youre not sure

off limits : fauxcest snd incest, feederisms, scat, feet stuff is blegh, furry porn like im not against furries i just dont wanna be seeing furry porn, pregnancy is my biggest fear in the world so no ty

dni: if you blog is very centred around one of the off limits things, detrans, misogyny kink blogs, beastiality, ed, ageplayers, age regressors (nothing against it this jsut aint the place and makes me uncomfortable!), race players, general bigotry yk the drill

kink list thing and more picrews ⬇️⬇️

[hamiltonforpowerpoint]

We literally saw Vi go on a s*lf harm and alcoholic bender only for people to reduce to “I can’t believe she became an enforcer she’s such a traitor 🤓”

Mind you hold Vi up to this wild incredible standard but when it comes to Jinx y’all let everything pass.

I’m also sick of you guys acting like Vi is Cait master she could control her actions. Cait choosing to gas Zaun was not Vi choice nor could she just go “down girl” and make her stop.

You guys always seem forget that Cait was the 1st person Vi had outside of prison. Yk the one she was held captive in for years on end. During some of her most important growing and learning years. That one.

[tatiejosie]

i think it's so fun donald is a robot with such a strong motif of humanity vs cecil being very much human with a strong motif of acting like a machine :3c they are just very star crossed...

YYESSSSSSS ikr!!! I love how their motifs are so symmetrical and how complementary they are!!

The show does a really good job at portraying Cecil and Donald's dynamic as polar opposites. It's in every detail - in their character design (Cecil's characteristics are visually eye-catching (large visible scar + long hair) while Donald is so plain he blends in the background), in their body language (Cecil is firm and confident, Donald is hypervigilant and jumpy), in their ability to handle people's emotions!

i'm so sorry i'm talking too much but uh. more under the cut if you're interested in hearing some rambling???

Cecil's empathy seems limited. His attempts at comforting seem to take root in guilt, in his willingness to patch up the problems that he believes he has allowed to happen (even indirectly). He'll go above and beyond to fix things up and make things easier for people when they go through intense events (spending a fortune of taxpayers' money to rebuild Donald as lifelike as possible so he can be fooled into thinking that he's an organic human and lead a somewhat normal life; ensuring Mark and Debbie's financial safety following Nolan's departure) ... yet, you can't expect him to be remotely competent with just words.

This man's entire foundation takes root in guilt. Another example is the choice to stay heavily and permanently disfigured following the Chemical X incident, as a reminder of his failure to save others. I imagine that the buildup of angst and guilt is subconsciously consuming him from the inside, on top of the incredibly harmful lifestyle that he's been leading (little to no sleep + the goo bath must fuck up his brain so badly), is what pushes him into this state of emotional blindness.

Donald, on the other hand, directly involves himself with people. He's the direct link between Cecil and the rest of the GDA, the GDA and the rest of the world. He's the one who escorts Mark and Debbie at the GDA hospital when Nolan is recovering. He doesn't just bring them here without a word - he talks to them. He sees that Mark is genuinely curious, and he provides information about the GDA and its functions; after all, the boy's father is between life and death, and anything is better than some heavy silence on the way to see him. When Debbie insists on staying to watch over Nolan, Cecil relunctantly agrees in absolute silence, and Donald is the one who confirms it verbally in an attempt to smooth things over, to cut through the tension. Donald is constantly trying his best - even in the smallest details! Invincible's mission against the Flaxans was honestly a shitshow, even though it was his first time on the field. And yet?

I can definitely picture Donald glossing over the catastrophic numbers and saying something that would both reassure Debbie and make her feel proud. He could just say nothing, or tell her the truth about Mark struggling during his debut.

And of course, let's talk about the brutal discovery of his own death, the s/lf-h/rming episode in the bathroom leading to even more angst - imagine going through the pain of peeling your skin off in a desperate attempt to prove your humanity, only to find wires and metal under your skin?????? - the confrontation with Cecil who puts his entire trust on Donald and vice-versa, Cecil casually explaining that Donald's body isn't organic anymore and that he's pretty much just a brain in a jar and that any feeling of inadequacy is just "existential angst"?? then he just keep fucking working because the world can't afford to make a pause while he goes through anxiety attacks and dissociative episodes. Then Cecil tells him the whole truth, finally, and Donald gets to watch an entire compilation of his numerous deaths. After all of this, he finally completes the puzzle, he finally understands where all the trauma and pain and anxiety are coming from - he fucking died, in brutal and agonizing ways, and he decided to erase his memories so he could stay as efficient and not get held back by the trauma of dying????????

... Then, William calls him, and Donald immediately comes over to help. Not even a second is spent on, idk, recovering from the emotional rollercoaster. That man just learned that he's been trapped in a loop, working day and night for the GDA and putting his life on the line until he gets killed, only for the government to gather what's left of him and piece him back into a functional soldier so he can continue working. He's being denied the most basic, fundamental biological function that occurs within every organism - he is not allowed to die.

But he's on the roof with two struggling kids, one of which is going through the same kind of existential crisis that had been plaguing him these past few weeks. So of course he's going to do his best to help. William and Rick have no idea what Donald just went through, and they don't need to know - he shows vulnerability without dumping his trauma out.

Donald could have sent an emergency team to stop Rick's attempt and have him hospitalized for his safety, but he personally came to his rescue because he felt that it was the right thing to do. Even after everything he's been through, he still puts others in priority.

TLDR; Cecil and Donald are both very selfless but in totally different ways that somehow complete each other as the leading figures of the GDA.

im gonna stop rambling im so sorry for talking so much

[ilikethecolorredsstuff]

ARCANE Rant

Arcane s2 ending is underwhelming because the show was slowly building up to it (the biggest disappointment of the century)

U can feel it slowly letting go of the class issues that s1 was based on ( arguably the reason why the show was appealing to begin with) foe what seems to be no reason. Cause it seemed that they could've done better with presenting the themes that were already there in the subtext of it all or atleast it was that way for s1 and the first act(s?)

By the 3rd act, it's like they make it a point to stray away from what the show is supposed to be about and maybe that's why there's a lot of distraction going on (*caughs * fan service). In the last act there's just so many loose endings and key points are missing, ones that are usually provided to the whatcher bethey offer needed insight like how jayce decided to touch the arcane or what happened with ekko and jinx when he stopped her. This is a pattern that also shows in s1 and the other acts but the avoidance of clearing things up or providing insight on character's behaviors in this case isn't to get us to think about it and interpret it on our own instead it leaves a feelibg of just accept it for now that's how thongs came to be, and it doesn't even explain it later(would've beena great move tbh).

This lack of insight makes it easier to just accept other shifts that don't actually make sense like the main shift of victor's character when he gave up on doing good for the ppl the moment jayce attacked him and honestly not only did jayce have no business doing that, victor also had no reason to change his ideology for only that. The attack harmed not only him but also the ones connected to him so it does make sense that instead of healing he decided to eliminate all danger but even then it wouldn't make sense for him to agree to forge an army and pick sides for a political war something he aims to demolish.

And then it's not even about his conquest anymore and we get a fairly easy and rushed destruction of the black flower and then back to Victor.... Victor changes his ways and they disappear leaving everyone behind to what? Move on? As if the story is about how humans weren't ready for a progress that fast andbnow they can learn from their mistakes and take their time, as if that insane leap of advancement both biological and technical isn't just a by product of an environment manufactured by classism that pressured and cornered ppl into this extreme reality.

At the end, nothing has changed from the beginning of s1, the counsel just added a physical chair for the undercity instead of the invisible one that silco did hold at some point.

The truth is zaun isn't even a separate nation anymore it's still the undercity who now has a representative in the counsel.

War didn't even unite the ppl in fear and grief because except for the enforcers the fighters were mostly from zaun, this is dangerous because it paints a picture where the unpriveleged lot are fighting someone else's battles while the priveleged (root cause of said battle) get to flee and only comeback when everything is settled to look all bigoted and give side eyes to the representative of the unpriveleged (im looking at u short grandma).

My point is what is the show trying to say by ignoring the core issue, leaving us in the dark abt a character's motivations, and jumping to war with spiritual robots meanwhile the counsel is full of classist cowards leading a nation they fled when shit got bloody and letting the war criminal from the uptown have a happy ever after, her crimes don't even get mentioned while jinx is told that no amount lf help she offers can undo the harm she caused. It's all intentional, the show even ends with a hidden message that heimdinger was correct from thr beginning for restricting research or at least it felt that way.

[daily-hadith]

Daily Hadith

Bismillah Walhamdulillah Was Salaatu Was Salaam 'ala Rasulillah

Narrated Abu Said Al-Khudri (Radi-Allahu 'anhu):

The Prophet (Sallallahu 'Alaihi Wa Sallam) said, 'Beware! Avoid sitting  on the roads." They (the people) said, "O Allah s Apostle! We can't help  sitting (on the roads) as these are (our places) here we have talks."  The Prophet (Sallallahu 'Alaihi Wa Sallam) said, ' lf you refuse but to  sit, then pay the road its right ' They said, "What is the right of the  road, O Allah's Apostle?" He said, 'Lowering your gaze, refraining from  harming others, returning greeting, and enjoining what is good, and  forbidding what is evil."

Bukhari Vol. 8 : No. 248