#sad and angry and anxious about everything

[artificial-condition]

I’ve been hit with The Gloom

[orcelito]

I think smth that gets me about the way a lot of the fandom woobifies Vash is that like... so many of them erase his anger? They make him a soft and sweet doormat who never gets angry Ever, and that's just objectively not true, EVEN IF we're just talking about tristamp Vash. He's definitely softer spoken in tristamp than the other versions, but we still see him get angry!! We see him Yell!!! And these people ignore that!

Then when you consider 98 Vash and ESPECIALLY trimax Vash. Bro is genuinely furious like Any time he is dealing with #Situations. He gets angry. He yells. And he's genuinely tempted to kill people in anger (as we see with Monev).

It's just plain mischaracterization when people make him so soft and sweet and Never Angry. And we all know exactly why people characterize him like this.

[literaryvein-reblogs]

Writing Notes: Anxious Attachment Style

Common Anxious Thoughts, Emotions, and Reactions

THOUGHTS

Mind reading: "That’s it, I know s/he’s leaving me."

All-or-nothing thinking: "I’ve ruined everything, there’s nothing I can do to mend the situation."

"I’ll never find anyone else."

"I knew this was too good to last."

"I have to talk to or see him/her right now."

"S/he can’t treat me this way! I’ll show him/her!"

"S/he is so amazing, why would s/he want to be with me anyway?"

"I knew something would go wrong; nothing ever works out right for me."

"S/he’d better come crawling back to beg my forgiveness, otherwise s/he can forget about me forever."

"Maybe if I look drop-dead gorgeous or act seductive, things will work out."

Remembering all the good things your partner ever did and said after calming down from a fight.

Recalling only the bad things your partner has ever done when you’re fighting.

EMOTIONS

Sad ⚜ Angry ⚜ Fearful ⚜ Resentful ⚜ Frustrated

Hopeless ⚜ Despairing ⚜ Jealous ⚜ Hostile ⚜ Vengeful

Guilty ⚜ Self-loathing ⚜ Restless ⚜ Uneasy ⚜ Humiliated

Hate-filled ⚜ Uncertain ⚜ Agitated ⚜ Rejected ⚜ Depressed

Unloved ⚜ Lonely ⚜ Misunderstood ⚜ Unappreciated

ACTIONS

Act out. ⚜ Attempt to reestablish contact at any cost.

Pick a fight. ⚜ Threaten to leave.

Wait for them to make the first reconciliation move.

Act hostile—roll eyes, look disdainful.

Try to make him/her feel jealous.

Act busy or unapproachable. ⚜ Act manipulatively.

Withdraw—stop talking to their partner or turn away from him/her physically.

Attachment classifications come from watching babies’ behavior.

Below is a short description of how anxious attachment style is defined in children. Some of their responses can also be detected in adults who share the same attachment style.

This baby becomes extremely distressed when mommy leaves the room.

When her mother returns, she reacts ambivalently—she is happy to see her but angry at the same time.

She takes longer to calm down, and even when she does, it is only temporary.

A few seconds later, she’ll angrily push mommy away, wriggle down, and burst into tears again.

Where Do Attachments Styles Come From?

Initially it was assumed that adult attachment styles were primarily a product of your upbringing.

Thus, it was hypothesized that your current attachment style is determined by the way in which you were cared for as a baby:

If your parents were sensitive, available, and responsive, you should have a secure attachment style; if they were inconsistently responsive, you should develop an anxious attachment style; and if they were distant, rigid, and unresponsive, you should develop an avoidant attachment style.

Today, however, we know that attachment styles in adulthood are influenced by a variety of factors, one of which is the way our parents cared for us, but other factors also come into play, including our genes and life experiences.

Source ⚜ More: On Attachment ⚜ Writing Notes & References Writing Resources PDFs ⚜ Avoidant ⚜ Secure ⚜ Disorganized

[seungcheorry]

dokyeom isn't the best at confrontations. sure, he knows how to stand up for himself when it's needed, and he knows how to protect you if the moment ever comes, but still - he's not like his seungcheol hyung, for an example.

so dokyeom really debates if he should wake you up or not right now. you're sleeping with puffy eyes, your eyelashes still kinda damp, a sulky expression all across your face. he doesn't like seeing you like that, and the way your fingers are holding your pillow with such strenght makes his heart sink even harder.

"jagi...", dokyeom calls softly, a hand resting on your arm. "jagi, wake up."

you stir in your sleep, opening your eyes with cautious. dokyeom is crouched down in front of you, his whole face wet too as his eyes are just as equally red and puffy as yours. he sniffs, being a little bold and letting his thumb caress your skin.

"i'm sorry to wake you up, but i think we should talk", he calmly says, a contrast of how strong and firm his voice were before.

"right now?", you ask in a bittersweet tone, pulling your arm away so he can't touch you.

dokyeom holds back his tears once again, using the back of his hand to clean the little wet spot under his nose.

"yes, please", he nods. "let's not do this. let's not go to bed angry at each other, please."

you watch as dokyeom looks up at you, his lips pressed together and his whole self looking a little... defeated. you know the make up is always the hardest part for him, his sensitive heart and soul doesn't deal well with the way his anxious mind tell him that you're just about to leave, or that he screwed everything up.

you know because you felt before, the way his hands trumbled and he just listened and listened to you, whispering a few 'i'm sorry' when you had your first big fight. still, even back then, dokyeom had never allowed you to walk away from the place you two were (it didn't matter if it was his place, yours, a random restaurant), and never allowed the fight to escalate further than for two days - and, in his own words, he "almost died several times in those two days".

so of course he wouldn't let you sleep your anger and sadness away either. of course he would find a way to get on your better side again before dawn. that's just who dokyeom is, right?

so what could you possibly tell him, other than...

"of course", and a sigh, patting the bed beside you. "come here."

[moonastro]

groom persona chart

moon in the house

what is a groom persona chart? this chart exhibits qualities that your husband will have and possible placements that can be seen in their chart. it is simply a chart all about your spouse in a woman's chart. the asteroid groom can be identified using the code 5129.

as the moon represents ones feelings, emotions, intuition and deep thoughts, in the GPC the moon can give insight of emotional characteristics the fs may have, how they deal with their emotions and a bit about their early childhood years.

reminder: this is my interpretation from observations and first hand experiences, so don't take this to heart.

moon in the 1st house: fs can spend a lot of time alone and may enjoy it, they dont take it as a negative, its somewhat of a good thing for them. but can switch emotions rather fast without any hesitation. like can turn from happy to sad to angry to happy again in like 5 minutes??? they may reflect a lot on why is it the way that they feel what they feel. are born problem solvers so spouse may not hold grudges as such when upset, he actually could apologise first just to get it out of their head. and as they love to be in charge they like to take the lead and fix the problem between them and the people they have problems with. can easily become agitated when sad or emotionally vulnerable, so sadness can turn into anger because they may view being sad or emotional to be weak. spouse may have had an independent childhood, growing up could have had to learn things by themselves and figure things out alone.

spouse can have natal moon in aries, 1st house, fire sign, fire house, fire degree.

moon in the 2nd house: the spouse may act quite dominant and can get quite dramatic when emotional. like almost narcissistic also. can blame themselves to be the victim when they are not and blaming everything on their spouse. lots of shouting when upset. spouse can get upset as they feel sorry for themselves. can take action before listening and figuring out what the problem is so when upset can pick the nearest thing they are closest to that they can start a riot with. when the fs gets upset they may hold their grudge and pretend as if everything is fine in order not to make the native feel bad. the fs can also have an emotional attachment to an item in their home or something that they possess, and can get VERY upset when touched or moved. when sad fs can get clingy to the native and may not approach the problem to fix it but rather think of the problem and worry. the fs childhood could have been a nostalgic one, full of good meals, full of singing and music, lots of dancing and gifts being handed to them.

spouse can have natal moon in taurus, 2nd house, earth sign, earth house, earth degree.

moon in the 3rd house: fs is a bit immature at times when it comes to their emotional stability. they can act almost whiney and even throw tantrums when they get upset. also i noticed that with natives that have this placement, their fs don't communicate with them effectively or don't talk at all when angry or upset with their partner, like they will stay nonchalant until the native apologises first or they own up to their wrongs. quite stubborn actually with their speech. spouse can give subtle signs that they are upset so people can acknowledge that they are feeling that way, for example they can subtly say 'oh i feel a bit bad' and then the conversation goes off from there. when anxious or feeling uneasy, the fs can jitter a lot and constantly move and never rest, if their mind is not at ease and so is their body. the fs childhood could have been full of short travels and full of excitement, may have went on holidays quite a lot and travelling on bikes, cars, buses and so on.

spouse can have natal moon in gemini, 3rd house, air sign, air house, air degree.

moon in the 4th house: spouse can be very sensitive to some topics (check sign to get a better insight for example if in cancer can get emotional when people talk about their family bad or good). perhaps fs also lives farther away from their family. spouse is attentive and listens very well, engages in peoples opinions and what others have to say, resemble a rather calm and comforting presence. are caring without a doubt. spouse can have a mother instinct and solve problems for other people who are emotionally upset however when they are in that state they just let it happen and dont think much of it. can have a pure heart and may be sensitive to their surroundings that other people, can also get overwhelmed quite easily because of this. spouse worries about the ones that they love and care about, they genuinely will worry about them. spouse may have had a family oriented childhood, full of tradition and heritage, lots of family around them all of the time. spouse possibly has a great bond with their mother figure.

spouse can have natal moon in cancer, 4th house, water sign, water house, water degree.

moon in the 5th house: the fs can impose an emotional breakout response relating to their childhood. so if the fs had to go through a certain situation throughout their childhood, the way they felt and how they acted will carry out into adulthood hence marriage life also. however, can act content or happy even when feeling down, can almost mask their true feelings. when sad can act like 'i am upset why dont you care about me' mindset if that makes sense. they honestly love the attention when sad so they can shed a tear even if it is not serious and can just be a bit dramatic about the whole situation. they can repeat themselves a lot in order to get some attention. when upset they turn to their hobbies and fun stuff that they can do to make themselves feel better if its art, music, dancing, acting, sport etc. spouse may have had a fun and nostalgic childhood, full of outdoor play and full of playing around with other kids.

spouse can have natal moon in leo, 5th house, fire sign, fire house, fire degree.

moon in the 6th house: spouse can become aware of their surroundings when upset which can make them become agitated and sensitive. they feel like the whole room knows how they are feeling when upset or feeling in a state of vulnerability. they do love to cling to people when upset, they dont really like being alone when upset. spouse may critically think of a situation that made them feel off and try to figure out where it went wrong in hope to not let it happen again. (however you cant avoid certain emotions). they want everything perfect so they try to control their emotional state. can think of how their emotions affect their day to day life and sometimes may overthink how being for example upset may impact their work or life. spouse may like to clean when upset or just tidy up their space, the definition of a cleaner environment make your mind at ease. spouse may have had a practical and busy childhood, full of ground rules and routine based childhood. by routine based this could mean that they had a schedule for example had to go to piano lessons every Monday and Wednesday and such.

spouse can have natal moon in virgo, 6th house, earth sign, earth house, earth degree.

moon in the 7th house: this placement in the natives chart can mean getting split or divorced when sad or emotionally vulnerable which can also mean that the spouse can make situations worse than they are and is the one to leave the situation without any context. can turn to legal matters as well and can just take things too far when emotional. when upset can seek advice from good peers or people they are close to, as hearing advice can strengthen their opinion or weaken it. also with this placement i have noticed that they actually express how they feel to other people except the person that they are upset with, they talk it out with others and then come back to the person that they had something going on to sort it out. they just love to have opinions and options.

spouse can have natal moon in libra, 7th house, air sign, air house, air degree.

moon in the 8th house: spouse can keep their true feelings to themselves most of the time, may not tell the truth of how they feel and may lie that they are fine or ok even though they may not be. can have a personal agenda- a side of them that you may not now until later on into the marriage. when upset fs can get vulgar with their language without thinking that they are doing it. could really turn from beauty to beast when upset. 18+ fs can crave sexual intercourse when upset in a way to make up with the native, its almost like an unhealthy coping mechanism because they may not have any other way to make themselves feel better so they can also use it as a distraction to the pain they are feeling. (sorry that went very deep and detailed). on the other hand spouse can numb their emotions also and don't even acknowledge them. but can also turn to practising their spiritual themes such as meditation, some yoga, talking to their ancestors, deep breaths and so forth. the fs childhood may have been altering to their youth, so they may experienced situations that children dont usually experience at such a young age.

spouse can have natal moon in scorpio, 8th house, water sign, water house, water degree.

moon in the 9th house: fs can acknowledge the problem before the emotions come up. they have a talent for preventing situations where it can cause them pain or discomfort. spouse usually seeks to study and making themselves feel better by taking care of their mind and spirit which usually preserves to meditation, yoga, journaling and such. spouse may love to acknowledge their feelings and try to help them overcome it if negative. they accept the emotion and move on with their day. fs may also love to study beyond the obvious and may memorise how certain emotions arise. when in a vulnerable emotional state, spouse can flee the situation and have time to themselves. spouse may have had a free childhood, where they were able to express themselves freely without any restrictions. spouse could have also moved a lot from place to place.

spouse can have natal moon in sagittarius, 9th house, fire sign, fire house, fire degree.

moon in the 10th house: usually the fs are not expressive when emotional, in fact you will rarely see them portray any emotion at all. are strict and will not back down when it an argument, are very stubborn with their views and opinions. you will absolutely not be able to budge their mindset. are a hard worker though, will stick to their role to earn money. the fs may also like to bond over the traditional, vintage and aged things such as history, traditions perhaps even about their childhood. spouse can think themselves as mature when it comes to handling their emotional state, they think that they are in the right all the time so can also mean that they wont apologise even if they are in the wrong. the fs may be more mature than the native even can signify them being a lot older than the native as well. the fs childhood could have been full of strict rules, isolation, labour and lots of discipline.

spouse can have natal moon in capricorn, 10th house, earth sign, earth house, earth degree.

moon in the 11th house: for this placement, the spouse may like to detach and forget about situations that can deem themselves as emotionally hard. they can also hold an attitude of 'its not even that sad get over it' type of thing. but somehow they also enjoy to talk things out with other people before setting things right with the person they had an issue with. spouse may enjoy social company to distract themselves from hardships that they go through emotionally, it can numb them in a sense. so spouse can go to friends house, hang out with mates, play a sport with their group, go to a bar and so on to spend time away from their head. spouse may had a routine based childhood where there was lots of determination and structure within the household. spouse could have been the black sheep of the family, always the odd one out.

spouse can have natal moon in aquarius, 11th house, air sign, air house, air degree.

moon in the 12th house: the spouse can give others and themselves space when things get unsettling. they prefer themselves to distance themselves especially to able them to cool off or perhaps not worsen the situation. they dont like to make a fuss instead choose to sort things out by themselves as apposed to not make it a burden for everyone else. spouse can feel things VERY deeply, and the thing with this placement also is that they cant just rub it off their shoulder as easy, it takes a long time for them to really get back on track from an emotional output. spouse can turn to addictive behaviours when upset in order to make themselves feel better this doesn't have to be substance abuse (but could) it can also be other addictive behaviours such as biting nails, biting lip and such. fs may have had an isolated childhood, perhaps parents weren't present or spouse liked alone time in general. spouse also could have been in the presence of addiction within the household in their childhood years.

spouse can have natal moon in pisces 12th house, water sign, water house, water degree.

thank you for reading and have a lovely day <33

[bwabys-scenarios]

Laois SFW/NSFW HCs

!!REBLOGS APPRECIATED!!

A/N: I haven’t read the whole manga or watched all the episodes… so please have mercy on me if he’s not entirely in character!

warnings: oral(both receiving), cockwarming, roleplay, breeding, foodplay, nipple play

SFW

-Laois is quite the devoted lover, worshipping the ground you walk on.

-he can be a but clingy and overbearing, wanting to know everything about you and be there with you at all times. You’re his first and only love, it’s a new experience for him!

-he’s not shy at all when it comes to PDA, happily covering your face in kisses and following you around like a lost puppy.

-again, he’s super clingy. He adores being curled up with you after a good meal, and sleeps next to you every night. He loves to carry you on his back when you’re tired, taking off his armor to make it more comfy for you.

-Laois can’t help but stare at you for prolonged period of time. You’re so fascinating to him, almost as intriguing as the monsters he adores. He knows everything about you, doodling you in his journal every chance he gets.

-when you’re upset or sad, he’s upset or sad. He’ll listen to you complain and get angry on your behalf while petting your head. He WILL hold grudges if someone hurts you.

-his first priority during a battle is keeping you(ans Falin) safe. You are his darling, he couldn’t stand to see you get hurt. Even the smallest of injuries has him anxious, ready to pull you into his arms and feed you snacks while you get healed by Marcille.

-he just melts every time you give him any kind of attention or affection. Listening to him infodump about monsters and feeding him are the two ways to his heart.

-his adores feeding you, and will lick away any food on your face or lips.

-before he met you, he had never been in love before, but now that he has you his heart has never been the same. You make him whole, making him want things he never thought he would.

NSFW

-he’s a huge virgin with a big, fat cock he has no idea what to do with.

-you’re so pretty, and your hands feel so nice rubbing against his bulge that he can hardly breathe.

-you’re his first kiss, and feeling your tongue touch his instantly makes him hard. He ends up cumming in his pants from only a few sloppy kisses, looking all shy and embarrassed when he moans and whines.

-he’s a switch, a bit on the subby side due to his inexperience. He’ll let you boss him around, just wanting to please you and make you happy. You’re his beautiful girlfriend, he will absolutely listen to whatever you tell him to do!

-he quickly learns he’s obsessed with your pussy. The first taste he gets of your cunt gets him craving more. It doesn’t take long for him to get pussy drunk, looking up at you with hazy eyes as his tongue slips in and out of your pretty, right hole.

-when the two of you have sex for the first time, he’s beyond nervous, and ends up cumming on your pussy before he’s even able to push inside of you. It’s so embarrassing, but you find it hot that he got so excited he couldn’t help but spill his load on you.

-he’s got an average sized cock, about 6ish inches, but he’s GIRTHY! His fat cock stretches you out easily, and he starts to panic when you yelp as he buries himself in your pretty pussy. You quickly reassure him that everything is okay, and he’s happy to move his hips and fuck into you.

-Laois is definitely into roleplay and costumes. Dressing up as a monster will get him so hard that it’ll be hard for him to keep himself from cumming.

-Foodplay is definitely on the table. He likes watching you eat and enjoy food, and also likes when you’re covered in something sweet that he can lick off of you.

-He is okay with cumming inside, outside, on you, honestly he’s just happy he gets to fuck you. Anything you want is yours, so if you want him to creampie you and give you a baby, he’ll do it.

-sucking his cock will make him melt into a puddle. He prefers going down on you, but he will admit seeing your cute face look up at him with his cock in your mouth gets him cumming within seconds.

-his nipples are pink, and REALLY sensitive… he makes the prettiest noises when you rub and play with them.

-honestly cockwarming makes him feel so warm and happy. Your pussy drooling while he plays with your clit, clenching around his cock is just… heaven.

[pukefactory]

A lot of people have asked me this and I think it’s about time I write something more detailed. So here’s:

PukeFactory’s Guide On Writing Dream BBQ ENA! (My Way)

1. She is a contradiction. Start there.

Dream BBQ ENA is a creature of duality, but not in the gimmicky way. Her emotions swing like a pendulum carved from glass—delicately unhinged. She will comfort you with a whisper like starlight one moment and then yell at a tree for looking at her weird the next. Her logic is surreal but never nonsensical. It’s sincere in a way that bends gravity. She means it, even when it makes no sense. “I think you’re a treasure map, but I lost the key, and also the concept of directions… but I still wanna follow you.”

2. Her voice is fragmented but honest.

Write ENA’s dialogue with a rhythm that feels like a glitched lullaby or a mixtape made of poems and outbursts. Use capitalizations, glitches, or dream-logic metaphors, but keep them emotionally grounded. “OH—oh no. Oh no I said the wrong thing. AGAIN. Hold on—REWIND, REWIND—Can I have a second take of that hug?”

Her speech patterns jump between:

• Soft and strangely poetic:

“You remind me of the feeling before lightning hits.”

• Loud and unfiltered:

“I ATE A ROCK OUT OF SPITE! I’D DO IT AGAIN IF IT MEANT YOU’D FORGIVE ME!”

3. She doesn’t understand relationships—but she craves connection.

ENA often sabotages closeness by accident. She’ll say something jarring mid-hug, not because she’s cruel, but because she doesn’t understand the rules. Intimacy terrifies her. Not because she doesn’t want it, but because she wants it too much. “Wait—was that love? Oh no. I thought it was just heartburn. Or like… something… BEYOND heartburn. Wait, come back!” She learns through interaction. She reflects. She messes up and tries again anyway. She’s endearing because she’s trying—not because she gets it right.

4. Her emotions are surreal landscapes.

Instead of saying “ENA is sad,” describe it like: “She paced in figure eights, muttering apologies to imaginary dogs and invisible moons. Her smile was brittle. Like candy glass.” Or instead of “she’s angry”: “Her eye twitched like a jammed film reel. She bared her teeth at the air, yelling something about betrayal and unripe peaches.” Dream BBQ ENA doesn’t feel things linearly. Her inner world is a Salvador Dalí painting on fire with longing.

5. Her body is unstable; use that.

Dream BBQ ENA’s body shifts and jerks. Her facial expressions glitch. Use this for emotional emphasis:

• When she’s anxious, maybe her smile freezes too long.

• When she’s excited, her voice pitch spikes into television static.

• When she’s afraid, her colors invert or her mouth refuses to close.

Her body is a mood ring coded by a trickster god. Let that reflect her emotional state in the scene.

6. She uses weird metaphors because reality doesn’t fit.

She compares people to:

• Clouds shaped like broken promises.

• Paintings that make her cry for no reason.

• Broken clocks that still tick in time with her heart.

Let her speak in beautiful nonsense. It’s not “random.” It’s instinctive, raw, and emotionally precise. “You’re like… a sunset that happened inside my lungs. You make it hard to breathe. I like it.”

7. She is not just a joke character.

Even when ENA is funny or awkward or loud, she is never just a punchline. There’s a quiet ache under everything she says. She was made to observe, to wander, to experience without truly belonging. Write her with that bittersweetness in mind. “I think I’m the kind of person who touches joy but drops it before it sticks. Like I’ve got oil on my fingers, or maybe I am the oil.”

8. Let her be messy. Let her be sincere.

She doesn’t always say the right thing. Sometimes she runs away instead of talking. Sometimes she laughs too loud at the wrong time. Sometimes she feels more like a glitch than a girl. But when she says “I love you”? She means it. She really, truly means it—even if it sounds like: “If you exploded right now, I’d collect all your little pieces and make a shrine. Because you matter. Because you always did.”

9. Tone: melancholic absurdity with heart.

Dream BBQ ENA lives in a world that feels like a dream and a fever. Your tone should balance whimsy with gravity, joy with grief, glitchy chaos with honest love. She is a reflection of people who feel too much and understand too little—but never stop trying to connect.

10. In summary…

• Speak in fragments, but write with intent.

• Let her emotions be surreal, shifting, and raw.

• Give her dialogue layers: poetic, jarring, sincere, awkward.

• She doesn’t understand love—but she chases it anyway.

• She’s not a clown. She’s a girl made of glitch and feeling and static and sweetness.

[novemberheart]

{overview} Ammends are made

{warnings} fem reader, poly 141, a/b/o dynamics, some threatening, slight emotional angst

Chapter 37 <- Chapter 38 -> Chapter 39

They are wearing you down. The near clawing and whining at the door, like two pups. Even John had given up trying to deter the two betas. John entered Simon’s room, heading straight past the man and towards the bathroom. They shared a bathroom, the other door leading directly into his room- your shared room. It wasn’t just his room anymore. He didn’t want it to be.

The door was unlocked, lucky for him. Your eyes narrowed at him, a growl dying in your throat.

“What do I have to do to make this better?”

It caught you off guard. The man with an answer to everything was unsure of how to approach this. Why didn’t he? He was your alpha. It was his job to know how to fix this.

“How do I remind you how much we love you?” He said just above a whisper. Your eyes welled, your throat constricting painfully.

“I’m mad at you,” was all you were able to get out.

“Sweet girl there was nothing we could do,” he rasped. He sat on the edge of the bed, his fingers aching to grab a hold of you.

“I just think the timing is convenient,” you started. “I’m marked, then suddenly all of the gestures go away. Marked omegas leave their packs all the time you kno”-

“Don’t be cruel,” John chided. “Threatening to leave,” he spat to himself. “When are you going to stop looking for a reason to leave us before we leave you?” he questioned. Your breath caught in your throat, your heartbeat pounding in your ears.

“You’re worse than I am,” Simon spoke from the doorway. How long had he been there? “Remember when you marked me and you asked me to not run away from it?” he asked. “Remember?” he pressed after you didn't answer.

“Yes,” you whispered.

“Well I'm asking the same of you,” his voice was firm- unwavering.

He headed towards the door unlocking it for the betas who charged in, nearly tripping over each other in the process. Kyle reached you first, the beta resting you against his chest. His scent was anxious while Johnny's was sad. It made you whimper, your heart twisting in your chest.

You couldn’t refuse anymore. Your stiff body relaxing between theirs, a soft purr rising in you at the sheer comfort they brought you.

This was deeper than the rest of your pack knew. The only people who knew its depths were you, Anais and Briggs. Maybe that was part of your resentment. You were scared. Scared of who was tracking you and scared of what your pack would do if they found out. Why would they want anything to do with you? You did nothing but cause problems.

Maybe you should just rip the bandaid off now.

You were already upset. The storm had already been unleashed. You were in the eye of it now.

What about Anais and Briggs? You couldn't get them in trouble.

But what if what Briggs said was true? What if your pack already knew about your visit. They had already known you went to the medical center. They were your alphas and it would be well within their rights to question the procedure that had been done. Why didn't they call you on it? Maybe they didn't want to deal with it. It was your problem- not theirs.

What would happen if you just came clean? Either way you would know where you stood within your pack. Either way you would have an answer to the question that had been eating you alive the past few days.

“I lied,” the words fell from your lips and landed against Kyle’s shoulder. He shuddered from under you. Johnny brushed the hair away from your face, the never ending ache in his chest flaring up again. “There was a wire in my leg- one meant for tracking. It was supposed to have dissolved by now, it hadn't, my body rejected it. That's why I went to the medical center. They removed it and sent it to a lab so I could see who it belonged to,” your words were shaky. You couldn't bear to look at any of them, your eyes trained on the headboard.

You waited for the vile scent of an angry pack. Yet it never came. It was like you were surrounded by statues. None of them breathing, moving or speaking.

“Not happy about you keeping it from us,” John broke the silence. “How long ago was it placed in you?” he asked.

“The doctor guessed eight-ish years ago,” you replied, holding your own breath.

“Just because we weren't with you then doesn't mean it isn't our concern,” John continued.

“Are you mad?” you asked suddenly.

“No,” he replied instantly. “I don't know- or want to know how long you were planning on hiding it from us. But you told us now, that's what matters.”

Where were you?

Why wasn't he bearing his teeth and charging towards the medical center for not informing anyone? Why wasn't Simon scolding you for not telling them as soon as they walked through the door? Why wasn't Johnny rolling up your pant leg to inspect the injury? Why wasn't Kyle already logged into a computer tracking the person down himself?

Why was everyone so calm?

“Let me see Bonnie,” Johnny murmured. Well at least one thing came true. You rolled up your pant leg, Johnny's fingers pulling the small band aid that covered your measly four stitches. “They'll need to be taken out soon,” he sighed, his lips connecting with your knee. “Hate you had to do this alone,” he growled, tucking you back against Kyle. Your heart warmed, the uneasiness beginning to settle.

“Me and John’ll go to the lab tomorrow. See if they've found anything on it,” Kyle added. That seemed more like it. The uneasiness flooded back when you remembered one little detail.

It was under Anais’ name. Not yours.

Think fast.

“It's under Anais’ name,” you explained. “I thought that would be a better idea just in case the person who placed it could still have access to it because it wasn't fully dissolved. If it was under my name there would be a record of it and they would know I know about it. If it was under her name they’d think it just dissolved and I know nothing about it,” you explained like the script had been written for you.

If they knew you were lying you think amongst their anger they would be secretly impressed.

“That's quite clever,” John muttered. “We’ll still have a look at it tomorrow,” he assured. “Don’t want you worrying about it anymore,” he insisted. “It’s on us now,” his large hand ran up and down your back, your skin erupting at his touch. You couldn't help but lean into it.

“Thank you,” you breathed.

You woke up to everything being right in the world.

The past few weeks left you exhausted and your sleeping schedule showed that. You woke up to your body being moved upright, your head lulling into a perfect spot against John’s shoulder.

“Time for lunch,” he murmured, his hands running up and down your sides. “You need some food in ‘ya,” he pressed, his lips firm against your forehead. You agreed, begrudgingly. Still half asleep as you untangle yourself from his lap, not bothering to change out of your sleep clothes, just throwing one of his sweatshirts over top.

Price

Was painted across your back making the alpha more than pleased.

“Name fits you better than me,” he hummed, his hand traveling down your back. You peered up at him sleepily, a small smile on your lips. “Missed you, sweetheart,” he whispered, his lips finding their home against your cheek. “And don't listen to any pesky thoughts in your head tellIng you otherwise,” he urged.

“Missed you too,” you whispered back. You nuzzled your way under his arm, the affection making the edge in his scent disappear.

Johnny had picked up breakfast for all of you. You were grateful you didn't have to go to the cafeteria.

“Bagel with strawberry cream cheese for the pretty lass,” Johnny smirked, pressing a kiss against your forehead. “And a fruit cup,” he added. You smiled widely. This is what you had missed. Being doted on. You don't care if it makes you spoiled.

Johnny finished assembling your bagel for you, a grateful purr leaving you and you quickly gripped his jaw pressing rapid kisses against his cheek. His cheeks raised from under you.

“Anytime, peaches,” he smirked.

“You have a kickboxing class today,” Simon spoke, passing you the parts of his bacon that ‘weren’t cooked enough.’ Truth was that Simon just liked burnt food. “Still up for it?”

As soon as Simon saw the sign up sheet for kickboxing he added you to the list- in fact- you were the first name on it.

You nodded your head, mumbling a small ‘yeah’ through your bacon. The rest of breakfast was nice. Domestic. Familiar. The energy was still a bit off, mostly due to Kyle and John. Something strange was happening, but you didn't have the energy to press.

“Let’s get you ready, pup,” Simon sighed, grabbing your empty plate from you.

Getting ready included Johnny helping you pick out and outfit and then helping you with your knotted hair.

Maybe you were spoiled…

“We have to tell her,” Kyle spoke as soon as the front door shut. John sighed, folding his arms over his chest. “It's the perfect time. We can play it off like we never knew,” he continued.

“Then what if she goes lookin’ for her?” John reminded. “Especially after all that's gone down between us all. She may feel more inclined to find a different pack,” John gruffed, already working on his fourth cigar of the day.

“Give her some credit,” Kyle sneered. “She won’t just up and leave us,” Kyle defended. “And she has every right to want to reconnect with her mother.”

“Her mother doesn't deserve her,” John shot back. “She already left her once. It's not like her mother doesn't know where she is. She has probably been tracking her till it disconnected. Leave it up to her mom to decide.”

“Her mother is probably scared. Could you imagine leaving her then wandering back into her life after years have passed? She probably assumes she never wants to see her again,” Kyle illustrated. John shook his head, his lips pressed in a tight line.

“That may be true. Then what happens if she does reconnect? What if her mother moved on, has her own pack and wants to take our girl away from us? Then what? What if she could provide her with the stability we can't?” John questioned.

“What if our girl finds out we hid it from her not only once, but twice? She’ll never forgive us and I- I can't live with that,” Kyle breathed, his throat tightening. “We have to let her decide,” Kyle affirmed. “Whatever happens, happens.”

“No,” John growled. “It's our job as her pack to protect her.” John ran a hand over his face, his eyes falling onto the kitchen counter. An idea popped into his head. A compromise. “What if we track down her mother?” John hummed. Kyle’s brows furrowed. “We are her pack. We reach out to her and ask if she even has any interest reconnecting with her daughter. If she does we’ll access her- make sure her intentions are pure. Then we bring it to our omega,” John explained.

Kyle’s shoulders felt lighter already, his back resting against the chair.

“That's not bad. We won’t necessarily be lying and we’ll be able to keep our girl out of harm's way,”

“So you agree?” John pressed. Kyle nodded slowly. “Atta boy,” He smiled, his hand clapping against the betas shoulder.

“She's a fierce little thing, isn't she?” Johnny smiled. Simon was flushed under his mask, his eyes not quite sure where to linger. You were doing very well in your new class. It was much more fun than you thought it would be- especially with all your pent up emotions.

“That one yours?” A man asked from next to the pair.

Johnny smiled wider, a bounce in his shoulders.

“Aye, she is as perfect as she look”- he cut himself off. His smile faded from his face as he stared down the man. Simon’s lips quirked beneath his mask at the sergeant's change in demeanor. “She is mine,” The Scot kept it short and not-so-sweet this time. “Which one is yours?” he asked.

“I don't have one. I just like to watch someti”-

He had no opportunity to finish the thought before Johnny had him by his scruff, escorting him out of the room. “Well, you chose to watch the wrong one cause I’ll scoop out your eyeballs if I catch you looking at her again,” Johnny growled against his ear. It was a bit cliche- but it got his point across.

“Where’s Johnny?” you panted, taking a small towel from Simon to dab your face with.

“Your beta had some issues to take care of. Should be back soon,” Simon said blankly. He rested a hand on the back of your head, guiding you out of the training room.

“Did I miss the finale?” Johnny questioned, hoisting you up to press a kiss against your sweaty cheek. You giggled your feet swinging to find the floor.

“Coach said she did decent,” Simon approved, downplaying your success. You rolled your eyes, nuzzling your way into the Scots side.

“I did really good,” you smiled.

“Course you did Bonbon,” he whispered back.

Hi friends! Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Ser you in four days for the next one! Lots of love 🧡

[ririblogsss]

what if Danny give no fu-ks

Ok hear me out, Dannys obsession has never truest been confirmed by the show itself (that I remember) I've seen a lot of people say his obsession comes from wanting to help / protect people. But what if he feels as though that he is now doing more damage than good, after all there are a lot of people getting hurt as colateral damage from the chases he has to go on. Or simply when he has to run away from getting captured.

What if one night he was up late and saw a post about a tragedy that happened because he slipped up (it wasn't even his fault, but he still blames himself for everything). And then he starts looking at all the bad comments against him ignoring all the good ones saying how much Danny Phantom has helped Amity. Because Danny is still human and confirmation bias is real. Imagine how he felt the moment he realized that he was causing people to get hurt instead of keeping them save.

Image the desperation clawing at him with the realization that he has never been able to fully manage his obsession. it makes him sad, desperate, angry.

His entire self is filled with too many emotions at the sametime he isn't even able to identify them and catalogue them properly like Jazz taught him.

and then everything stops and he feels nothing.

Completely and utterly numb.

Like his whole reason to keep going suddenly disappears.

And it has.

He gave up on his obsession and now he has to make / get a new one.

But it's not that easy.

This drastic change could've ended any ghost as they run on (live off) emotions.

Luckily because he's a Halfa, so that has given him the upper hand. Unfortunately it makes it so that he is completely devoid of any emotion.

Months go by and people immediately notice changes, the more drastic one is that Phantom went missing, and eventually a lot of ghost that where coming in looking for him stop. Amity Park is no longer populated by ghosts, and slowly the GIW started to retreat from Amity going to another place following a lead that says there are more ghost activities up north.

But those changes aren't the only ones noticeable. Dannys classmates and teachers can vouch that Danny has changed. Most say he was always quite , and others say he looked down right depressed. Danny didn't do much in classes not that he paid attention before. Its just this time it seems that its not out of being sleepy or anxious about another ghost attacking the school instead Danny looks like he coundn't give less of a fu-k about anything.

He never smiles anymore not even when his favorite subjects (mechanics and space) are brought up. Not even a quirk of a smile. The school decided to contact his parents about Dannys new behaviors. That includes skipping classes, not handing in work, not doing the assigned work in class ect....

And its not like his parents havent noticed, they've had more time in their hands since they aren't using hours of the day/night going out hunting anymore. and they have witnessed their son become a shell of himself. They don't know what to do, and they don't want to worry Jazz about it because she's at collage and needs to focus on her studies.

So when the school contact them and told them that the behavior is the same in school they decided major changes needed to happen. Starting with a change of environment.

Maddie and Jack decided that Amity park was too big of a city with too many people. They could nearly see the stars at night because of the light pollution, hence they decided to move next door to Alicia, Maddie sister, home in SmallVille.

They decided it was the best choice, Danny would be surrounded by nature and he could do online classes that would go the pace he wanted. The move was immediate, the day off they packed everything sold the house and moved.

They only stopped to say goodbye to Danny's friends. A small bye and hug later they were on a 7 hour road trip to their new home.

When they got there the old resident handed them the keys of the home and told them to ignore the their neighbors 'The Kents' as they often made a lot of noice and had group gatherings every month.

The one thing Jack and Maddie forgot to double check was if the house was an actual house or a farm house. Sounds similar, but completely different as they now had 2 cows, 16 chickens, 1 rooster, and 3 pigs to take care off.

Danny was put on duty of taking care of the animals, such as feeding them on time and making sure they were healthy. Jack and Maddie made more of the heavy weight as to re building broken fences and fixing the questionable roof.

(The first thing Danny did when meeting all the animals was name them. After all this was about all the interaction he was going to do.)

Danny didn't have time to think about his lost obsession or his lack of emotions as he was now too busy making sure each animal was taken care off.

Marcy and linda (the cows) were danny's favorite they were very gentle and he felt that they could understand him when he spoke to them the stories of his vigilante past.

On the other hand The Chickens were a nightmare, Glinda was cool as she never chased him down. But Matilda and Bethany were a nightmarish duo spiteful too when he was seconds late to the finding time. Mark the rooster was chill he mainly acted as of he was part of the group that needed protection.

Marice, Betty, and Miss Piggy were the chillest of the bunch never gave Danny any trouble when feeding them and always made a point that they loved their new mudbath installation that Danny made for them on his first 2 days on the farm.

A month after arriving at the farm house Danny noticed that mark was missing. Danny looked everywhere around the property and saw him from afar, at the road. So Danny did the sensible thing anyone would do when spotting a run away pet, and that is call their name at the top of your lungs whilst running after them.

naturally Mark the escape artist run the opposite direction. By the time Danny caught up to him Danny didn't recognize the house he was infant off. So with Mark comfortably in his arms He swears he can see a smug look on marks face. Danny turned away from the house to start his walk back to the farm, but he was met with a kid his age looking at him with distrust.

"Ehhh look kid Im sorry to have crossed the properties border but Mark here" Danny made a point to acentuate Mark in his arms "Runaway from me this morning and I've been trying to catch him ever since, anyways I need to go feed the girls"

The kid starred at him for a second "OMG your from the new family in Mr.duncans farm right? in Aver ST.?" and wow the kid was like a ray of sunshine.

"Yea-" Danny could even finish his sentence before the kid cut him off by starting to talk a mile a minute about how he was so exited to meet people his age that lived near by and how farm chores were harder that normal house chores.

"Jon, give him time to respond. Im Damian this is Jon" Danny jumped he hadn't noticed the second kid at all

"Oh yeah... sorry about that what's your name?" The kid (Jon) slightly less enthusiasm, a bit embarrassed if his tone of voice was anything to get by.

"Danny, Im 15" he responded before he started walking away after all he did need to get in time to feed the chickens unless he wants to suffer their furry. Danny shuddered at the memory that popped up in his head.

"Wait!!! I just thought we could be friends cause we live close by u know" Jon said catching up with Dannys steps. Damian was following from behind.

"Sure kid I don't care" Dannys voice was monotone much like it had been for months.

"Hey were not kids for your information, Im 14 and Damians 16 soon to be 17, so if anything you night be the actual kid!" Danny chuckled slightly it was more similar to releasing air from his lips than a laugh.

Soon a quite and enjoyable science encompassed the group as they went to Dannys home.

"Hmm... you're hold on Mark is adequate and the your determination for getting home in time for feeding is acceptable" Damian spoke up after a while of the passive silence.

"yeah and what is It to you" Danny was slightly urked by Damians default setting speach. He told him as such.

Jon blanched before erupting into giggles that sent him to lay down on the grass uncontrollably laughing. Damians right eyebrow quirked up in what Danny assumed was amusement.

Thus a new friendship grew that day.

They often gathered at Dannys or Jons yard to have picnic in the weekends (as Damian and Jon has school in Metropolis on week days) and hangout with the animals. Danny found out that Damian was a vegetarian and that he had various animals at home. One time he brought his Great Dane Titus, who bodied Danny on sight to give him kisses.

Also Damian was Damian Wayne as in bruce Wayne, Batman sugar daddy. When he said that, Jons milk flew out of his nose and Damian choked on his cucumber wrap. Even Titus gave him a judgemental stare.

Slowly Danny started to smile more, laugh every so often. And things were feeling so much better after not being able to feel anything for a while.

Jazz, Aunt Alicia and especially Maddie and Jack felt so relived to see that Danny was slowly coming back to them.

Danny to this day backs the fact that Mark knew something and planned the whole thing.

[harmoonix]

🖤𝕊 𝕒 𝕟 𝕕🖤

(Astrology Observations)

"I saw the end when we began"

───────────────────────────────────────

🖤 - Saturn aspecting Moon natives have a hard time to deal with their feelings,is like things happen too fast in their lives and they don't have time to react to those things

🖤 - Venus aspecting Lilith (h12) the native has a hard time to cope with their feelings about love, most times they can ask themselves "Is this love or a lie"

🖤 - Lilith aspecting Saturn natives have a rebellious personality, especially when it comes to rules, they want to do everything in their own ways

🖤 - Lilith aspecting Mars natives they have a inner anger and can easily get annoyed or angry, they don't like to show this side of them though

🖤 - If you have Pluto aspecting Saturn, these are really powerful planets to have aspecting, the energy of the aspects gives the native a remarkable and dark aura, they're like Hades

🖤 - Venus or Mercury aspecting Pluto makes the native to have an special magnetism to them, but it can turn obsessive and toxic if they don't pay attention

───────────────────────────────────────

I tried to bargain with the stars

For more than half your heart

───────────────────────────────────────

───────────────────────────────────────

🖤 - Pluto aspecting Moon natives have a hard time to let people go out of their lives, it can get sad when they let toxic people in their lives and quite sad

🖤 - Lilith aspecting Pluto gives an "ultimate" destroyer vibes, they're very magnetic, charismatic, very powerful

🖤 - Neptune conjuncting the ascendant natives,a very dreamy and artistic placement, the native can often be with their head in the clouds dreaming with the eyes open

🖤 - Pluto trine/sextile/conjunct the ascendant is a very powerful placement when it comes to evolving/transforming, the native is a like Phoenix trying to get the best version of themselves

🖤 - Mercury aspecting Neptune, these natives can have a very catchy voice, they're very intelligent and can think fast, there is always a possibility/solution with these people around you

🖤 - Jupiter aspecting Pluto, this placement is expanding the natives magnetic nature and personality, they're easily liked by other people

🖤 - Saturn/Chiron square the ascendant can make the native to seem like they're not worth it, to not appreciate their true value, remind yourself how powerful you are!!

🖤 - Moon in the 8th house natives can close themselves when they're pain, these natives are the type of people who will stop communicate when they're in pain

───────────────────────────────────────

I saw the end when we began

You couldn't love the way I can

───────────────────────────────────────

🖤 - Moon in the 12th house natives have an empathic energy, they're so sensbile but not always show it, their soul lies on a cloud watching the stars

🖤 - Neptune/Mars in the 12th house can have lots of weird dreams, that often tend to be a cover for their actual dreams, there is always a sign in your dreams

🖤 - If we are at the dreams topic, Chiron in the 12th house natives can dream that they're in pain/danger a lot of times, they can feel anxious or scared. It really depends on their energy

🖤 - Chiron in the 3rd house natives are so so sweet in their talking, yet they can be shy/ashamed to talk for themselves, your voice is your power!

🖤 - Chiron in the 1st/6th houses natives can easily absorb others energies and bad thoughts, and the end of the day they can be drained or exhausted because of this, always protect your energy

🖤 - Chiron in the 9th house, these natives can be extremely spiritual and often use spirituality as a healing key

🖤 - Neptune in the 8th house can make the native to have scenarios about people dying, I'm not sure if everyone relates with this, I know quite a lot of people who have scenarios in their head (not in a bad way)

🖤 - Pluto or Lilith aspecting the Sun can also enter in the "rebellious" sphere, these natives will actually fight for their rights and for the truth

🖤 - I don't know if is only me on my experience or other people but when you have Pluto or Neptune in the 10th house, you can tend to get "exposed" or called out for the wrong things just because people simply need to find a little thing to call you out

───────────────────────────────────────

───────────────────────────────────────

🖤 - Jupiter in the 9th/10th/11th houses, if you are good at manifesting and you have those Jupiter placements, The universe works in your favor

🖤 - Retrograde Saturn 🪐 in your birth chart can indicate you need a routine for lots of things in your life, like plan a routine for your everyday

🖤 - Mercury in Sagittarius/Pisces/Virgo or Gemini can have a thing for learning new languages, like mastering 1/2/3 languages

🖤 - Mars in Scorpio/Sagittarius/Aries/Capricorn, I love these placements for Mars is giving dark energy, magnetic body/aura

🖤 - Mars in Virgo or at Virgo Degrees 6°, 18°, their waist stands out, these natives have a really attractive body especially around the belly/stomach area

🖤 - Sun or Rising at 5°, 17°, 29° degrees can make you to be recognized from a young age/to be in the center of attention from childhood

🖤 - Sun or Rising at 11°, 23° degrees can make the native to be social since a young age/childhood, the type of person who is always in search for a friendship

🖤 - Sun or Rising at 2°, 14°, 26° degrees can make the native to be well liked/easily get attached with since a young age/childhood, they radiate kindness

───────────────────────────────────────

But you have more pieces of me than the desert has sand

And I have less pieces of you than I can hold in my hand

───────────────────────────────────────

🖤 - Capricorn Venus/Capricorn Moons will always look after of a traditional relationship, and I don't mean that type of "Hubby goes to work,honey stays at home and takes care of her 10 children"...I mean romantically/aesthetically, something that doesn't include hookup culture

🖤 - Mercury in the 11th house natives have a really good humour, they love to make other people laugh

🖤 - Pluto/Saturn/Lilith in the 11th house, you need to take care of the friends/people you have around you so you don't end up stabbed in the back my love

🖤 - With Aries Saturn you need to hold your ground and your principalities, when you set a focus on something, make sure to finish it

───────────────────────────────────────

───────────────────────────────────────

🖤 - Capricorn Sun/Moon/Rising, with those natives having Saturn as their chart ruler their early life can be messed up but it gets better when the native becomes an adult

🖤 - Cancer Sun and Moon specifically, I know a lot of these natives who may posses creative talents since young age esp at drawing or arts

🖤 - Personally i know a lot of people with Sagittarius/Aquarius with Moon/Venus/Mars who want a lot of space and freedom in their relationships

🖤 - Uranus in the 4th house is a really funny placement to have basically your home is chaotic and lovely in the same time, on the other hand it can indicate family members being different than other relatives

🖤 - 2nd house ruler being aspected with Jupiter can indicate being hungry a lot/craving food, same for Jupiter in the 2nd house

───────────────────────────────────────

──────────────────────

But you have more pieces of me than the desert has sand

And I have less pieces of you than I can hold in my hand.....

──────────────────────

🖤•🖤•🖤•🖤•🖤•🖤•🖤•🖤•🖤•🖤•🖤•🖤•🖤

"You will find poetry nowhere unless you bring some of it with you."

Hope you guys enjoy this post as much i did because it's very different from my standard posts!!🖤 And shout out to Dove Cameron for making such a good song, it had me on my knees.

──────────────────────

[intheairton1ght]

dylann roof, but only described by others

inspired by this post!!

“dylann’s mother said that he did not readily look anyone except her in the eye… other family members commented that it was difficult… [you] had to work to catch his gaze.”

“even before preschool he was clearly withdrawn from social interaction.”

“at the age of 3 dylann had a number of routines that he completed three times… dylann’s mother said that he would tell her ‘good night, i love you,’ and she would then answer ‘good night, i love you.’ dylann would repeat this process over and over. he told her he could not stop doing it and did not know why.”

— his mother

“his father said that he does not recall ever seeing him sad, angry, or anxious.”

“dylann’s father, who recalled very little from his childhood, did remember that it was difficult to engage dylann in conversation and that you had to ‘pull it out of him’.”

— his father

“emotional pain did not make him cry, she said, and she doubted whether he had feelings sometimes. he had the wrong emotional responses to some things.”

“his sister described him talking at length about topics of interest but said he did not seek out interactions with others unless they were related to an interest or question of his... he often asked very specific odd questions (e.g., do you have black friends? do you have jewish friends?)”

“[she] believes he wants to be polite but that his behaviour is nevertheless offensive… when told he was becoming an uncle, dylann responded with ‘is it too late to terminate the pregnancy?’. his sister believed he ‘did not mean to hurt my feelings’.”

— his sister

“from a young age, he did not wish to have birthday parties and celebrated with his immediate family only… when around other children at family holidays or events, dylann was very quiet, removed, and obviously uncomfortable. it was ‘like he was watching, not engaging.’”

“dylann did not tend to look another person in the eye unless the person said something he did not like. dylann would give a mean look but then grin, as if he was kidding.”

“[they] described dylann as not understanding when he needed to leave a family function and, even at age 20, suggested that ‘maybe he didn’t learn that social cue.”

“according to family members, dylann had little sense of the dominant culture. he was very specific about his hairstyle… [they] described his clothing and hair trends that did not fit with the style of his classmates.”

— other family members

“he described dylann as ‘awkward’ and ‘soft as a cookie,’ in part, because dylann liked to watch chick flicks like titanic and stand by me.”

“dylann did not usually begin conversations or become very involved in the conversations the group was having unless he was very interested about a particular subject.”

“[he] ‘did not have interest in people’ and she called him a ‘sarcastic loner’.”

— friends/classmates

“dylann was described as someone did not talk much, gave short answers, and missed work without calling in notice. coworkers said that, based on conversations with him, he did not seem to have a social life and tended to ‘zone out’ while working and would be working on the wrong yard and would have to get called back.”

“[they] described that he said everything in monotone, and would not crack a smile to indicate he was joking. the coworker remembered joking with dylann and the most he would get in response was an odd grin.”

“dylann’s coworker had asked dylann what he would do if his parents did not support him anymore… dylann replied that he would not be able to survive.”

— coworkers

[hwaslayer]

wildfire (cs) | fourteen.

—spotify playlist | series masterlist

—summary: assistant professor in bioengineering, incredibly attractive, lonely and divorced; that’s how most people describe san. but despite the events that have happened in his life, san has a lot going for himself. he’s a successful, sought out professor due to his brilliant contributions to science at just an early age of 32. he worked hard to get where he was now; head deep into his research, his publications, building his lab and creating a name for himself. everything was good and smooth sailing— until it wasn’t. because when he meets you, a bioengineering grad student interested in rotating in his lab, he finds himself ready to risk all the blood, sweat and tears he put in throughout the years just to keep you close— his need for you spiraling out of control like a wildfire.

—pairing: asst. professor!choi san x grad student!f. reader

—genre: (18+ - minors dni) strangers to lovers, grad school au | fluff, angst, smut

—word count: 5.5k

—chapter content/warnings: cussing/mature language, mostly focused on namjoon again in his stressed with no rest era, oc tells her friends about everything, jiung x oc fighting, crying :(, oc has a pretty good talk with namjoon, things are just shifting/changing

—a/n: the next fic coming up after wildfire has been posted here! also if you haven't taken my poll, pls do so! hehe <33 i appreciate u

You lay back against the arm of the couch with your blanket sprawled on top, typing away the last bits of info into your presentation. You're a slide away from creating your acknowledgements slide and wrapping up the entire rotation update. You had gotten an email from both San and Namjoon stating that your rotation in San's lab was ending due to a change in your timeline and that you needed to present your rotation update to the both of them, along with the dean, in the following week. It scared you at first— and it still does now— but it's starting to make more sense as to why San did what he did. Namjoon sent you a side email asking if you could meet today because he wanted to discuss what was going on. He kept it vague. Short.

Maybe he was holding off until the meeting.

It's obvious who started all of this. It's not hard to tell.

But, you agreed to meet after TAing for Yunho— letting Namjoon know you'd be there as soon as class was over. He agreed to the time and sent you a reassuring message towards the end, telling you all would be well and that he'd help you figure things out no matter what.

It was reassuring, but it doesn't mean you weren't scared.

Anxious.

Nervous.

Doesn't mean any if this it hurt any less. Doesn't mean you weren't angry, upset, sad. You still needed to feel it out, especially being alone and going through this without anyone else to talk to about it.

You had Eunchae, Jurin and Felix. But, you wished you had Jiung to talk to. You wished you didn't feel hurt about him, too.

—FLASHBACK

"So, you two are seeing each other?" Jurin asks while she sits in front of you and holds onto your knee to give it a gentle rub. Eunchae sits next to you with her arm over your shoulder, also giving you a gentle caress, squeeze. Felix sits next to Jurin and he's got a look of concern, but sadness. You had finally opened up about everything between you and San; from how things started, the conferences, staying at his house, being with him—

To not.

Jiung keeps himself posted near your window because he doesn't really wanna hear more about it but he needs to— to understand the full story. Part of him also feels guilty for what he did hearing your cries and how awfully torn up you are over Professor Choi.

San.

He's gotta get used to you calling him San like that.

"Were." You shake your head and press the tissue against your nose to pat it dry. "It's done with now."

"But, why? Couldn't you guys just play it off?" 

"I'm sure he wanted to be safe, though." Felix adds softly. "I think I kinda see where he's coming from." He looks at you. "I don't think he meant to hurt you, but he's probably trying to protect you and keep everything safe in the meantime. Once this blows over—"

"I doubt we'd get back together."

"Don't say that. You never know, Y/N. I agree with Lix. He's probably just trying to do what's best for now even if it hurts him to. I'm sure he cares a lot about you. I mean heck, he almost fucked up Hae-jin in front of everyone." You sigh and look down at your hands, the feeling of sadness and emptiness all consuming. 

"He does." Eunchae adds to Jurin's reassurance. "I don't know why Professor Lee and Professor Jeong think it's their business, though. Haven't they done enough damage?"

"Awful. People literally can't mind their business, especially when it has nothing to do with them."

"I get the power dynamics but Professor Choi doesn't seem like the type. So, honestly, it's not like anyone was getting hurt in the process." Jiung silently fiddles with his hoodie string as Felix goes on.

"And people clearly don't know you if they assume you're the one throwing yourself on him." Jurin adds.

"Damn. Two people can't just be together?" Felix shakes his head. "Anyway, you got us, and this will pass. I'm sure Professor Kim will do everything to help and figure things out, too." You dig your face into your hands, trying to wipe away the remaining tears before you nod and smile at Lix in appreciation for his support, too. 

Still, you can't help but notice how Jiung has remained quiet this entire time— barely able to maintain eye contact with you.

"Should we go to dinner? Get some food in you?" Eunchae gives you a small smile and giggle. You nod and stand with them, quickly checking your appearance in the mirror while the three start making their way out of your door.

"Can we talk for a second?"

"About?"

"I just have to tell you something. Probably shouldn't wait until after dinner."

"Um, okay?" You look at him, hands crossed over your chest in a vulnerable manner, doe-eyes peeking up at him as he lets out a hefty sigh. "What's on your mind?"

"Y/N, I'm sorry. I just wanna say I'm sorry and I hope you understand where I'm coming from. But—" He lets out another sigh before shaking his head, almost as if he were shaking his feelings off. Trying to tell himself he needs to say it. "I-I went to Professor Kim and told him about you and Professor Choi. I told him I thought you were being taken advantage of and that I was worried."

"What?" You can barely get out. "W-why would you do that?"

"I was really just worried and I wasn't sure how else to get to you. I-I thought Professor Kim would be able to help—"

"Jiung." You call his name and step back, not wanting to be in close proximity to him. You knew he was worried about you, but you didn't think he'd go off and talk to Namjoon about it right away. "Why would you do that? Why couldn't we just keep talking about it— why did you have to go and blow this up even more?!"

"I'm sorry, can you blame me?!—"

"You didn't have to go behind my fucking back and tell Professor Kim! I already told you it wasn't like that and you still told him it was?! What the actual hell, Jiung?"

"I was just worried about you! I was being your fucking bestfriend, trying to make sure you weren't hurt or anything."

"And then you made things worse. Are you happy?" You scoff. "Those assumptions could have really fucked up Professor Choi."

"What about you, Y/N? Why do you keep disregarding yourself?! Is that even healthy—"

"Healthy?! I'm telling you the truth!" You scoff. "And you don't know shit about me and him, so quit acting like you do." You throw your hands up in defeat because he'll never get it. "Forget it, okay? You'll never understand and I don't need you to."

"Hey, what's going on?" Felix pops his head in, confused at the ruckus going on behind doors. Truthfully, he heard everything just as he was approaching the door to check up on you, and he's not sure how to feel. It's hard. He feels like he's in the middle because he sees Jiung, he sees you.

"You guys can go off to dinner together, but I'll probably just stay behind." 

"But, Y/N—" Jiung adds in defeat.

"Why don't you and the girls go? We'll catch up later." Felix tugs him by the sleeve and gives him a look. "Give her some space." He mutters lowly just as he gets in close distance.

—END

Your alarm blares on the coffee table, a harsh reminder that you haven't really slept much. It was time to wrap up and get ready for Yunho's class— something you weren't entirely ready to tackle today either.

But, you get up anyway. 

You sigh and put on your brave face.

You throw on a simple sweater, jeans and your Sambas— dabbing a bit of mascara, brow gel and lip gloss to fix yourself up a tiny bit for the day. You were tired of feeling sad and dressing the part; the least you could do was finally get some fresh air and look decent enough for the world while coming out of your slump. You grab your things and pack up your bag, heading out of the door with your keys in hand.

Kinda sucks you won't be returning to San's lab.

Kinda sucks you won't be returning to San.

You let out a sigh and quietly walk over to the classroom in peace, keeping your head down for a majority of the time. 

Avoiding eye contact, avoiding anything having to do with the outside world in meantime.

"Hey!" Yunho says in his usual fashion. You give him a small smile, although you're not really sure why he's joining class yet again today. He had been joining your class in particular recently, and you knew why.

He just wanted to get under your skin.

"Hi." You respond, getting your laptop together. Yunho continues to watch you from where you're standing, noting the sadness that envelopes your entire body. The way you're avoiding him. The way it's so blatantly obvious that you know that he knows.

That Iseul is the reason why you're sad.

You don't say anything otherwise; keeping your head down and away from Yunho even while the class walks in. You continue to carry on with the last journal club of the class before giving everyone time to work on their final proposals before it's due at the end of the evening. A few people linger at the end of class to speak with you and Yunho to get your guidance on the last remaining bits of their proposals before they thank you for all your help and head out for the day.

You still haven't said a word to Yunho, and he can't help but ask:

"Is something wrong?" Yunho asks nonchalantly after class, looking at your figure even though you are avoiding eye contact with him while packing up your things.

"No."

"You don't have to lie to me."

"I don't know why you're asking if something is wrong when you know what it is already. Don't you?" You look at him plainly from the side before gathering the rest of your things.

"Whatever's been happening between you and San is between you and San—"

"So, was it you who told Professor Kim? Or was it Professor Lee?" You cut him off. Yunho stares at you, and he doesn't respond. Of course he won't, of course he won't throw Iseul under the bus even though you know she was behind it.

"It was for the best."

"Quite frankly, I don't think you can speak on what's best for me or him. Especially him." You look at Yunho directly in the eye. "Are you both that determined to bring San down? Is that what this?" He furrows his brows.

"Reel it in, Y/N." He says, sternly. "Do you not understand how damaging this could be for both you and him? If anything, it was done to protect you both."

"What makes you think we weren't capable of doing so?" Yunho lets out a pathetic chuckle before he steps forward and leans towards your ear, a small smirk on his lips.

"I think snuggling up on campus and sneaking into his office is enough of a reason." He pulls back, licking his lips before dipping his hands into his pocket.

"And I think you need to learn how to mind your own business and let San handle his own." You scoff. "In any case, Yunho." You look him in the eye. "You and Iseul already ruined him from the beginning and you can't come to terms with it." You tilt your head to the side. "You both were never deserving of San, and that is sad. No wonder you two are miserable and are still keeping tabs on him." Yunho's mouth slightly drops, but he doesn't respond to your statement. "I'll help out with finals if needed. Otherwise, please consider my TA assignment with you done."

You almost run into Iseul as you stomp out of the classroom, leaving her to knit her brows at you in response.

"Nice talk." Iseul pops in, her husband biting his cheek.

"We should have never gotten involved with that, Iseul." He says lowly as he gathers his things together.

"Oh, so just let them—"

"That's exactly it, just let them be." He cuts her off and looks at her. "It didn't have to be us. We could've just let them be and let anyone else do the talking. Let them learn on their own." His jaw ticks.

"We did the right thing." She crosses her arms.

"Still doesn't change the fact that you're taking the opportunity to destroy San and running with it. It didn't have to be us." He repeats, slinging his bag onto his shoulder.

"Yunho." She says. "You're not actually taking Y/N seriously, are you? She's delusional if she thinks all of this is okay and would've slipped."

"Don't call her delusional, Iseul. You have no say in their relationship or what they're about. You had no right. They knew what they were getting into. You just lead them into the trap for your own benefit." Yunho scoffs. "You wanted to see this unfold, didn't you? You wanted this to unfold in a specific way." 

"What is going on, Yunho?"

"We're not meddling in this anymore. If you're not ready to stop, count me out of it. I'm not doing this, I'm not picking at their business anymore." He grabs his things and takes the lead out of the room. Iseul scoffs and shakes her head, slowly trailing behind him.

As for you, you feel cold. You feel isolated. You feel empty. You walk out and find a hidden table behind the building and set yourself down to get yourself together. You let out a couple of breaths to ease your feelings, promising yourself you wouldn't cry over this anymore.

But, it hurts to hold it in.

It hurts.

You feel the dullness, the heavy ache, in the center of your chest, and it hurts.

You have to move on.

"Fuck." You sigh, hand over your chest to give it a few gentle rubs before you're back on your feet and checking the time. You need to see Professor Kim just like your promised.

Of course, as you're on your way to Professor Kim's office, you find San passing by with Yeosang and Jongho. His eyes land on you and you immediately break first, feeling the tears ready to well up in your eyes. He sees the way your head drops and how you turn away— he can't help but slightly turn over his shoulder to keep his eyes on you.

To lock eyes with you once more.

To feel.

But, it doesn't happen. And it fucks San up more than he expects because he doesn't know even know what Jongho and Yeosang are talking about anymore after that brief interception.

"Yo, you good?" Jongho taps his chest with a small chuckle, bringing San back to reality.

"Yeah. Sorry." He tries to play it off quickly but Jongho quickly turns over his shoulder to see you walking in the opposite direction.

"All good." He returns to San and gives his shoulder a small squeeze. "I'm sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry about." San gives him a toothless smile. "Anyway, did you guys figure out where we're going before we make laps around campus?" Yeosang and Jongho share a quick look before they follow behind San and pick the conversation back up to prevent any of San's sadness from creeping up.

Meanwhile, you continue your way to Professor Kim's office, wiping away the stragglers that manage to escape your eyes and streak your cheeks. You weren't gonna let this get to you, so you quickly try to brush it off and get yourself together especially when you walk down the hallway and into Professor Kim's office. He's in his chair, typing away on his computer— glasses sitting on the bridge of his nose.

"Hey Y/N, come sit and make yourself comfortable." He smiles at you and you return the gesture, sitting down on the chair posted in front of his desk.

"Thanks for meeting with me today, Professor Kim."

"No, thank you." He chuckles and finally shifts his full attention towards you. "How are you today?"

"Uh, could be better but not complaining."

"Yeah? How was class with Professor Jeong?"

"Hm, okay." You hum before shifting in your seat nervously. 

"Just okay?" You nod. "Well, as long as there aren't any complaints or anything you wanna tell me." Namjoon knows you probably aren't having a great time in Yunho's class right now and he doesn't blame you.

"No." You force a smile. "Anyway, I see that I have to do my rotation presentation next week?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry, Y/N. You do understand why this is all happening, right?" You slowly nod. "I know you and San have been seeing each other, and I know he ended things the other day. I'm really sorry, but I just need to protect you both. Word is getting around fast and the dean isn't having it. I can't have him fire San, I can't have him kick you out of the grad program. Please just understand why things have to be this way. I just need it to settle."

"I do." You respond weakly before looking down at your hands. "I'm sorry for causing so much trouble, Professor Kim. I didn't mean— we didn't mean for this to blow up. I-I know we shouldn't have been so sloppy and reckless, and I'm sorry—"

"Hey, hey." He shakes his head with a sympathetic look. "No need to be sorry. I promise all is fine, and that's why I'm here to help and protect you both." You look at him with a sad nod, and you aren't sure why that's the tipping point for you but you suddenly start to break down in front of Professor Kim. He feels his heart breaks because he knows there wasn't any power play in this; he knows San as a person, and he's familiar with you as a student and the work you do. There was no way either of you used any power or position for your advantage. He knew this had been a genuine, real relationship— it's just truly unfortunate it had to unfold this way.

If word hadn't gotten around, maybe Namjoon wouldn't care at all. 

But, he has to now, and that's what makes everything hard about his role.

"I promise everything is going to be okay." He says softly.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to—" Namjoon shakes his heas, watching the way you cry into your hands.

"Y/N, it's okay. You can let it out if you need to." He passes you the tissue box. "Can I ask you something? And be honest. I've already figured out your plan for school so you don't have to hold back." Namjoon says. "Do you care about him?" You nod as you continue to cry, the ache in your chest making it hard for you to breathe. 

You miss San.

"But, it doesn't matter because he ended it. It's over with."

"He only did so because of my guidance, and I'm sorry about that. I told him this too, but it's not something I wanted to do. Trust me. As his friend, it's the first time I've seen him genuinely and truly happy. It's all I wanted after the things he's gone through. But, I just can't risk it right now. San is beginning to reach new heights with his career and getting more real estate to do things he's been wanting to do with Jongho. You're also just getting into the groove of things. I don't want either of your hard work to get snatched away over something like this."

"No, I know Professor Kim. I do understand and I'm grateful. It just sucks. I don't know how else we would've gotten away with it, I guess." You sniff. "Maybe it had to happen."

"Look, I told him this, too. But, I can't police every detail and tell you who you can and can't date. If San is someone you care about, then so be it, but the only thing I ask of you is to keep it off campus. I cannot have you two interacting on campus or else he's out. Not by my choice, but the committee."

"I don't want anything to happen to him."

"I know, and he said the same thing about you. He cares just as much, so don't think that he doesn't." You dab your face with the napkin and nod.

"Jiung confessed and told me he came to you about it." Namjoon nods.

"I think he was just worried as your friend. Rightfully so. But, I think he also shouldn't have jumped to those conclusions right away."

"I told him that."

"If I hadn't known San so well, I probably would've believed Jiung." He sighs. "It's alright, he didn't know and he was worried. Are you two okay?"

"Not really, but I think we just need time. I'm trying to see his side of things, but I also didn't think he'd do that so it caught me off guard."

"I see. Well. Give yourself some time and grace, okay? I'm sorry it had to be this way for now." You give him a tiny, toothless smile. Eyes still shiny and watery from the crying you've just done. 

I'm sorry it had to be this way for now.

It repeats in your head over and over again because why does it feel like this is just how it's gonna be? Despite Namjoon reassuring you, despite San's explanation. Why does it just feel like a fleeting moment? A chapter in your book— a part that was never really supposed to last.

"Thank you." He gives you a smile.

"So, shifting to the program. I was thinking I could pull you into my lab and we can figure out things as time goes on? Explore other options if there's anything else you'd wanna explore." You nod. "You know there's other paths we can look into, or if you're totally fine with where you're at in my lab, then we can just stick with that plan."

"That sounds good. Thank you, Professor Kim."

"Unfortunately, like I mentioned, I can't have you interacting with Professor Choi. I'll have to make sure you don't take any of his classes or end up in any collaboration projects with him." You nod.

"Okay. I understand." 

"You'll have to halt all your work in his lab immediately. You can grab your things when you feel ready to, but I'll have you in my lab starting next week. I know it'll be a bit crazy with your rotation presentation, but I promise to make it a smooth transition." 

"Okay." You purse your lips. "I'm almost finished with my rotation presentation."

"That's great!"

"It'll just be us three?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry. It's not the usual format but I need the dean to see all the good work you do."

"Thank you. I appreciate your support."

"Do you have any questions so far? Any other concerns?" You think for a second before shaking your head.

"No."

"I'll send you some onboarding info and give you the contacts to some key people in my lab to help you get started. We can figure out your project and goals in a little more depth next week. Let's aim for a Monday morning meeting? 9am?"

"Good with me." 

"Thanks, Y/N. And please trust me when I say all is gonna be well."

"Thank you." 

"See you next week? Be sure to keep an eye out for my emails." You nod as you stand and tuck your bag closely to you.

"I will." You give him another smile before heading out of the door. Namjoon pinches the bridge of his nose and plops back down onto his chair, picking up his direct line to ring the dean's office phone. It rings for a few minutes before the dean is answering on the other end.

"Namjoon."

"Hey. Can we meet today to talk about what's been going on? I can be over in the next 15 minutes."

"I'm free, but I have a hard cut off in 45 minutes."

"That's plenty of time. I'll be there soon."

"See you." Joon hangs up and gathers his things, loosening his tie to get himself together for this meeting. He doesn't necessarily wanna do this, nor does he think he's ready for whatever the dean could unleash on him.

On you, on San.

But, he has a job to do and he'll make damn sure he gets his point across. He'll make damn sure he controls this well, and he'll make sure nothing happens to the both of you.

When he gets into the building and heads straight for the dean's office, he's greeted by the front desk and his executive assistant. The dean's assistant knocks on his door and pops her head in to give him a heads up about Namjoon's visit. It isn't long before she's gesturing for him to come into his office, stepping out and slowly shutting the door behind her once Namjoon's settled in the seat in front of him.

"Namjoon."

"Dean Louie." Namjoon clears his throat. "Can we discuss what's been going on? I've got a chance to review this more in depth."

"Great. So, tell me. What's with the anonymous tip? Is there truth behind San and his student's relationship?"

"No." The dean looks at him with his head cocked to the side. "Not at all."

"Namjoon. This isn't the time to play games."

"Who said I was?" Joon asks. "This is purely a rumor and there is nothing going on between the two of them. To keep things safe, I'll make sure they don't cross paths and interact on campus, and I'll make sure to work closely with her and keep her under my wing." Namjoon says.

"A rumor? That blew up around campus? What about Iseul and Yunho? Iseul told me about the happy hour event with San. All of this seems too good to be true, and if you're covering for them—" Namjoon cuts him off.

"Since when did Iseul and Yunho have their best interest in San? All I know is that they've always been the driving issue, not San." Namjoon looks at the dean confused. "I don't mean to be disrespectful, but a rumor is a rumor and I've gotten to the bottom of it. I talked to the both of them and they denied it through and through. The only reason why San got caught up in the whole happy hour business was because a postdoc was crossing the line and being really disrespectful to her. Any one of us would've done it had we caught it right away like San did." Namjoon continues to furrow his brows. "Now, please. I'd appreciate if we can move on." The dean sits back and lets out a hefty sigh.

"Go on."

"As stated in my email, she will do her rotation presentation in front of myself, you and San. After that, she will be removed from his lab and will be placed in mine. We'll have weekly check-ins, and I'll work with her to move her classes around and realign her priorities so that she and San don't cross paths in this program again."

"And what about this real estate in the building? I'm not going to give it over if this is what San plans to do—"

"I'm sorry, but this shouldn't define San and his work." Namjoon pauses. "He's not, alright? I already confirmed it was a rumor and there is nothing going on. No reason for you to pull back on that real estate deal especially when Jongho had nothing to do with this either and San has already explained his side and agreed to comply regardless. She'll be out of his lab." The dean gives Namjoon a stern look.

"You better make damn sure this doesn't happen again, Namjoon. No rumors, no slip ups. And you make sure those three stop causing trouble on campus. Iseul, Yunho and San. I don't care who did what and who is blaming who, I need this to stop. Now. We can't have childish, petty issues running amuck on this campus."

"You have my word."

"If I hear San and Y/N in the same sentence again, I can't promise it will be the same outcome."

"With all due respect, I need you to understand that whatever they do, whatever happens off campus, doesn't concern me and shouldn't concern you either. I cannot police their behavior and make them act a certain way off grounds. They are both grown, mature adults that can make decisions on their own, and you know that's unfair and very unrealistic." The dean doesn't say much. He mutters a few things under his breath before he's returning his attention to Namjoon.

"Not a damn word about them ever again, Namjoon. I mean it." The dean warns him again before settling into his seat and returning his attention to his desktop computer. Namjoon does a quick, silent bow before walking out, sighing loudly to himself as he's finally gotten that over with.

Still doesn't make it any easier knowing he had his friend make a very difficult decision that he did not wanna do.

He hopes in time, this could blow over and San could be happy again. Despite this hurdle, he's betting on it. On you and him.

Maybe when you come back together, circumstances will be different enough that it won't make the relationship seem as bad as it does right now.

"Shit." Namjoon clicks his teeth when he finally gets out of the building and breathes in the fresh air. He is exhausted, but his day isn't about to be over, no. On his way back to his office, he finds Yunho speaking to a few colleagues in the courtyard. He must have gotten out of a meeting and was walking his visitors out.

And Namjoon doesn't give a fuck. That visit is ending now.

"Professor Kim! It's an honor to see you in the flesh!" Namjoon smiles at his guests before returning the favor.

"Hi there." Namjoon does a curt bow. "Hope you've enjoyed your visit."

"Completely. We had a great collaboration meeting with Professor Jeong here, and he gave us a tour around."

"That's great, yeah." Namjoon smiles before looking at Yunho. "Can we talk in my office?" Namjoon says near Yunho's ear. "Now?"

"Sure." Yunho bids his last farewell before excusing himself and following Namjoon straight to his office. No words being spoken or shared. Namjoon shuts the door and sighs, looking at Yunho with his hand on his hip. "What's going on, Joon?"

"I'm just trying to understand why you and Iseul are trying so hard to ruin that man's reputation. The dean told me Iseul went over there to give him more of her little intel on San."

"I don't know what she said or did—"

"You still knew about it, didn't you?" Namjoon looks at him. "You knew this whole time Iseul was trying to raise hell about this and you let her."

"How is this not wrong?"

"No one said it wasn't wrong, Yunho!" Namjoon raises his tone. "There were just better ways to go about it than throwing San's name out there the way you two did. Just throwing him out there to the wolves without even knowing the full story. That's the problem!"

"I'm sorry, it doesn't seem like it now, but we were looking out for him and everyone else potentially involved."

"Except me. If you knew better, you both would've let me handle this accordingly. This doesn't just affect him, Yunho. It affects you both. It affects me. It affects Y/N, Jongho, everyone. Because you both didn't know how to be discreet about your plans to bring San down."

"It was never like that!"

"Then, what was it like? Tell me. As his colleague, as someone who acted purely for their own benefit, what was it like? As San's ex-bestfriend, what was it like?" Yunho doesn't respond. "This isn't high school, Yunho. I'm sorry, but the both of you need to grow up."

"We just tried to do the right thing and I don't take any of it back. If you fail to see that, then that's on you—"

"Oh, so approaching the dean to give him more talk in his ear with your so-called evidence before coming to me is doing the right thing?" Namjoon looks at him. "What was the goal here? What did this plan look like to you and Iseul?” He shakes his head. “No, actually, I don't wanna hear it, she already came into my office to talk my ear off about this. That should've been enough to let me handle it." Namjoon furrows his brows at him. 

"We just thought we were helping everyone—"

"Helping? Yourself or Iseul?" Namjoon shakes his head. "You know what, this is done. The damage is done. So, thank you and Iseul for your generous help." Yunho sighs. "Now that you've done all the talking, it's my turn." Joon steps closer to him. "As long as I'm around, I'll continue to keep the peace in this department, and that means I don't want you and Iseul meddling in San's personal matters ever again." Namjoon's jaw ticks as he and Yunho stare at each other in the brief pause that falls between them. "I don't want you meddling in Y/N's personal matters, I don't want you two doing anything on this campus besides running your labs and minding your own goddamn business. Do you understand me?" Namjoon places his hands on his hips while he and Yunho maintain eye contact. Yunho swallows thickly before nodding, digging his hands in his pockets.

"Yes sir."

"The next time you and Iseul wanna act like I don't know how to do my job, I promise I'll be good with reminding you."

—read 14.5 here

—taglist: @asjkdk @interweab @woojirang @svintsandghosts @cheolliehugs @persphonesorchid @mxnsxngie @jycas @cowboydk @vcutparis @chngbnwf @struggling101 @sanhwalvr @angelqueendom @barbielibra @brown88 @choisansplushie @yunhoswrldddd @hyukssunflower @vickykazuya @lucid-galaxys-world @jaytheatiny @pommelex @thechaotictheoryy @vixensss @santineez @nopension @domfikeluva @in-somnias-world @my-atiny-kookie-rkive @mountiiny @naoristerling @onmymymyway @thecutiepieme @wyrated

[meo-eiru]

It's kinda sad tbh!! Knowing that Elian is literally nothing without his looks,, literally feeling unwelcomed or invalidated to anything if you aren't pretty enough it's literally everything to him I so agree w the person analyzing him !!! But what I am curious about though is his darling. What if darling were to be the same? Like also pretty co-dependent, self destructive, etc. Or what if they were to find joy in just.. Idk!! Sadist stuff , since he literally revolves around them. I think a darling who's also almost the exact same as him would be interesting, literally two people destroying each other what if one went away? Etc etc. I love angst ohmy. Or what if darling was the exact opposite? A good life, successful, basically everything he doesn't have. Would he be jealous or worship them?? What if darling just idk uses him as a trophy and stuff,, or basically neglects him, what if darling were to get angry easily? At him, maybe. Saying how useless he is and all. What if darling was bipolar?? Σ(゜゜) I love toxic relationships like how they turn out and how it effects the people in it especially YK the vampire yandere since it's literally just self destruction,, STOP THAT REMINDS ME WHAT IF VAMPIRE YANS DARLING WERE ALSO LIKE A PEOPLE PLEASER? giving all their blood to him with no complaint,, like very insistent yk, like almost the exact replica of him. Backflips away

Elias character analyses

Oh god all of these scenarios sound so delicious I don’t know where to start.

I love the idea of a darling who is similar to him nature. As obsessed with him as he is with them, being co-dependent together.

Elias loves being loved by you. Your affection is what makes him feel alive. He wants you to call him pretty and cherish him. Choose clothes for him and praise him like a doll who exists to be loved by you.

But he’s just so very insecure, he believes you could abandon him very easily so he experiences very aggressive jealousy fits. So a darling who’s equally obsessed with him sounds like it could balance things out. One that keeps their eye on him all the time, one that love bombs him constantly.

But as sweet as it sounds too much of anything is unhealthy. I’m afraid that co-dependance might break them both in the long run. Elias will probably want more and more no matter how much love you give him. Once he gets used to receiving your love he’ll probably start fearing that it’s some sort of momentary happiness and you could disappear at any moment. He’ll be paranoid. He might push you into quitting your job and staying with him inside the house 24/7 because any moment he’s not in contact with you makes him anxious.

But what if darling keeps pouring in love without getting tired? What if they are ok with giving up on everything just to spoil Elias? I think they will be happy. They will be very happy in fact. But I feel like they’ll be happy in the way drunk people are. It’s like a daze, an impossibly perfect dream. Elias might slowly start to lose the small amount of humanity he has and become completely doll like. Just a soulless, endless black hole of a creature that’ll take and take and take all the love you give him.

A sadistic (and probably rich) darling who uses him like some sort of trophy is also fun. He’s like a pretty accessory for them to carry around, like a handbag. I feel like for a long long time Elias would do everything in his power to please them. He would perfect his appearance to insane levels. He exists to be pretty for you, to elevate your standing, he can’t risk ever being imperfect in the public eye because it would damage you as well. And Elias wants you to be proud of him, he wants you to tell him you are proud of him and that he’s the most beautiful thing you own.

But maybe instead you put him down. You damage his ego to keep him where he is. Prevent him from trying to climb up to your level. Maybe you think he should stay the way he is, a thing that exists to make you look better. He’s beautiful and that’s all he should be.

But Elias is pretty crazy at the end of the day. He can only take it for so long. Elias is very petty and he wants you to love him.

At one point it infuriates him. You are so perfect. You are so successful in life, you are loved by people, you are beautiful, you are amazing, you are just so… perfect. And Elias doesn’t want that. The fact that you have everything he doesn’t, the fact that everyone else gets to see your perfectness, the way you put him down no matter how hard he tries.

Maybe you could love him if he pulled you down to his level.

He might start some gossips about you. He might lie about your business practices or some dating scandal. He might use his pretty face to act like a victim who was abused by you. And once you lose your money, your power, your status, your everything… Elias will welcome you back with open arms. You also have nothing now, just like him. Surely you can love him with all your heart now?

I forgive you but I don’t know if Elias will😔

[elfbotanist]

Environmental storytelling in inquisition is so good. I played the game blind last year and oh how I wish I could play this game again for the first time.

Early in the game you're exploring the ruins. You heard about ancient elves in a dialogue with Solas and now you are seeing the remains of the said people. Ancient beings used to live in these ruins. It's fascinating but also sad.

You explore an ancient tevinter ruin, you venture deep inside the said ruin, you realise the architecture is more elvhen than tevinter. You remember someone saying how tevinter built its empire over elvhenan. Claimed their marvels as their own like vultures and now you are seeing it.

You capture Suledin keep. Place obviously elvhen and important to the elves, only for the chantry to claim it for its own as soon as you clear out the red templars. Andraste's statues everywhere, place never going back to elves ever again. You are left with a bitter taste in your mouth, maybe you shouldn't have captured the keep but atleast nearby villages will have a safe sanctuary.

Then near ending of the game you actually meet those ancient beings living in the ruins you were exploring throughout the game. You talk with them. It's implied that others may still linger. You're so bamboozled by the idea that a whole society of ancient beings might still be out there sleeping and/or walking. No one had any idea about this, it changes everything you know about the world and your own people.

You're so busy having a crisis about everything, you don't even question how your hobo apostate bf even knew about other ancient elves still surviving.

Then you meet the said hobo apostate bf in rotunda wondering if he had painted something after the quest but dude is fuming. You don't know what's happening you just want him to calm down so you reassure him and he gets hopeful and flirty. You pat yourself on the back 'job well done' cuz now he's taking you on a romantic date.

He tells you the truth about vallaslin, you think 'but the meaning is different now' but you still let him remove them cuz you trust him. He said he wanted to show you how much you meant to him but ended up breaking up? You're so confused, angry, helpless and sad. You just don't know what is happening anymore. When you ask him to explain things he hits you with a 'you saw the most' which again makes no sense because why you're running away from me if i changed everything?

You're either busy being too sad or busy backtracking everything he has ever told you to pinpoint the reason WHY he broke up, you are not analysing the environmental storytelling anymore. You are analysing the man himself. And then he fucking leaves. Motherfucker. You hope atleast he's safe wherever he is, he got the warmest armour you made for him with so much love and care and the powerful staff you gifted him which goes with his whole hobo look. But you can't stand the rotunda being empty so you skip everything and load trespasser dlc.

And ah the trespasser dlc. They really said "oh so you loved exploring ruins for storytelling? AND you romanced Solas? Well I have just the dlc for you".

You see someone casting a huge mindblast spell, literally shaking your screen and now you know it's him. It has to be him. So you rush forward, he's not there but there are murals. I honestly can't put in words how I felt when I saw that one mural of Solas removing vallaslin and freeing slaves. It's beautiful, terrible (how can your "gods" enslave your own people) and tragic (that's your lover and you thought you knew him).

You're feeling so miserable and now the music is making you anxious. Everyone back at winter palace is having the best time it seems. You appreciate it but you're not in the mood for spa day. Get married? With whom exactly my dear friend. Cole is someone you are seeking out again and again cuz you know he will give you something.

You think this can't get any worse but then it does. He created the goddamn veil. And sundered the world. "Vhenan, where the fuck are you?"

The qunari tells you Solas is an agent of Fen'harel but you know better and so does your inquisitor at this point. But you have to save him. You run through eluvians, skipping fights to reach him as soon as you can. Your anchor is killing you, you don't care, you have to reach him anyhow.

You hear a familiar voice speaking some foreign language. You know it's him. You've found him. Finally. One moment you don't recognize him AT ALL but in another you do because he has the same kind eyes, full lips (and adorable shiny head lol). He looks very different now. Somehow older, wise, like a leader and so SO handsome. He tell you not to be proud of him but you just are. He is brutal to his enemies, his magic terrifying, an ancient freedom fighter, Fen'harel, Dreadwolf. But he is also just Solas. Vhenan.

"Ma ghilana, vhenan"

 "Ir abelas, vhenan"

He keeps calling you vhenan, my heart, my love. You have never seen him so open and vulnerable about his love for you (like that night in crestwood). He answers some of your questions but not all. This impossible man. He saves you only for vowing to sacrifice everything else, even himself.

Impossible, IMPOSSIBLE man. Just let me come with you!

"I cannot bear to think of you alone".

"I walk the din’anshiral. There is only death on this journey. I would not have you see what I become".

[oblique-lane]

idk if youve done it yet but i would actually lose my mind if you did an analysis for demo

Aye aye captain 🫡 Time to overdramatize again!

Let's address Demo's wounds

(Demo's backstory was changed through the years but I'm sticking to the older version because I find it more grounded)

Demoman's story is easily one of the most tragic of all the mercs. Imagine you have been abandoned from birth, your parents simply rejected you for what you are. But luckily you have been adopted by some good people who replaced your parents and made you a relatively happy child.

And then you accidentally kill them. You're 6 years old. How does that feel?

I can't even imagine how a child's brain can't comprehend the idea of being a murderer. It was an accident, of course, they were blown up by a big explosion he created (genius kid found out how to do that, huh?) but still. His parents were dead and he knew it was his own fault. He learned he was dangerous as he is.

How was it like pondering about it in the orphanage?.. "I didn't want this! I want to go back and fix it, I'm so sorry", something like that. But he couldn't go back in time, so being covered in such an avalanche of guilt, he learned he needs to repress himself.

Demo have always had an explosive temper (no pun intended), it was his true nature, pure emotion: if he's happy, it's 100%; if he's angry, it's a full blown storm. If he loves, he loves with all of his heart, and he has a big one.

Living on the impulse, all or nothing, that crucial accident revealed that letting his true nature go will only end up as destruction in the end. Irreparable damage.

We don't know what exactly was happening to him during his orphanage years, but if I'm to guess, repressing everything about him: his interests, his character, his whole nature, was a thing to choose. He thought that he had to become still and quiet as to not to repeat that kind of tragedy ever again. He probably didn't have people to be friends with either, either because people rejected him for his past, or he avoided them himself due to his internalized shame, at least that's a guess.

But everything repressed returns to the surface sooner or later. As a child, living for so long under overwhelming guilt, grief, hate, pain and sadness, under the skies that are almost never sunny in a all-year-long damp and coldness of the Ullapool. Incomprehensibly grey. It was depriving.

He was always fascinated with explosions. He didn't touch it for a long time, but maybe something like seeing fireworks again one day made something inside him tremble... And to remember.

Explosions. Launch... Acceleration... Release. And every time the release happens, his soul fills with excitement, the body feels lighter and shivers go up the spine. Release happens inside his head too, for the explosions make his worries and pain go away for a moment.

He couldn't find another way to release his bottled up emotions, so gradually he returned to make explosives again.

It was something like an addiction. Similar to pyromania, except no one bothered to research this one. At the moment of explosion he could let his anger out, he could scream, he could run around freely, he could sense heat in his chest; he could be himself. As he once was.

Everything was cold. But the explosions were hot.

He thought it was under control, just a little bit of KABOOM after school, but he craved more and more every time, more vivid, more violent...

That's how he lost his eye. (...Was it a subconscious act of selfharm?)

The missing eye was a forever reminder of how deviated he actually was. He learned that he couldn't repress or change what he truly is - a monster. A Black Scottish Cyclops, wether it were his peers who called him like that or he himself, out of misery. There was indeed something seriously wrong with him.

It seemed like the only thing he was capable of is destruction. Destruction is the only environment he's comfortable with. Peace was always so anxious and depriving, and breaking things felt calming, so he figured it must be right.

And then his birth mother came and took him back, "now that's he's a worthy DeGroot". It was unexpected but... Pleasant. So he wasn't THAT worthless after all, huh? Turns out, it was really familial, the destruction thing. At least he found out that there was a reason behind all of this.

His new mom was, saying honestly, pretty cruel with words. She was not at all gentle, she was very strict, demanding and straight up abusive. It was never enough for her no matter what Demo did. She didn't want results from his work, she's just always wanted to mess with his brain.

And for whatever reason... This setup felt right for him. To be thrown around like that, to be humiliated harshly, it felt fitting, it wasn't causing anxiety or anything. He has to be a scapegoat, he had to forget about being a child and to start working as an adult, at the same time somehow replacing a father he still didn't have, but it felt good enough. Confusing relationships felt good enough.

Destruction was his habitat, and his heart could no longer accept anything else.

Cruelty wasn't warm though, just familiar, just an environment to not to go insane. But he craved warmness so badly... Yet every time he would get close to someone and receive a little gentleness and care, it would feel sickening. It felt unnatural, it reminded him of his lost parents and of everything that's wrong about him.

The only warmness his body could accept was alcohol, making him bubbly and comfortable and relaxed. He almost felt normal, happy even. Alcohol heat made him melt, and he felt so fulfilled as if he was in paradise, back to the womb.

Yet after the effect wears off, he feels lonely as ever. Quickly, existing without alcohol becomes pain. Existing at all. He became an addict.

Not that everyone he met rejected him, rather, he subconsciously reached out to those who would be cruel to him. Again, gentleness hurts wether he knows it or not. He's only good in destruction.

Lonely and clingy, ready to overshare, overall mess yet carrying a big baggage of love that has no one to give it to. Maybe because he can't give it to himself in the first place. There's so many issues unresolved because he can't handle them alone, yet there's no one to help since he was already trapped in a closed circuit of self sabotage.

He will keep acting like a party beast, always crazily emotional and overdone upbeat, a simple drunken man who will not be taken seriously that way. Maybe that's what he wanted, to not be seen as deep by anyone for not be reminded of his misery once again.

Seems like we bought that too.

...

The enemy Soldier might be an exception though. The man he really treasures his friendship with turned out to be an enemy; repeating the rule again: it's only acceptable when dangerous. Soldier deeply cares for Demo, however he's not gentle or pitying, he's as destructive and explosive as Demo is, and these two are a very rare perfect combination of destructing each other in the act of love. Both broken beyond repair, soul on soul, forever to be misunderstood by the outsiders. This is something about this relationship that looks like a golden lining.

They will not fix each other, but they sure are going to have a good time!

[farshootergotme]

I get emotional thinking about how his family would react to Bruce's change if he ever started working on himself, on improving his behavior. But the one I think about the most is Dick Grayson.

Alfred is the one who was there from the very beginning, but Dick Grayson is who arrived and made the biggest impact. He's the first kid who Bruce took in, the one who approached this man and became his first partner to fight by his side out in the night.

Dick was able to pull Bruce out of the darkness that consumed him. No matter how many times Bruce went back, Dick's presence was a constant reminder that there's not only shadows. That if Bruce pushes back, fights so he won't be dragged down, he will find light.

However, it was a cycle. Dick would get him out, but Bruce would go back, sooner or later. And repeat. And Dick realized this and knew he couldn't let that be his whole life. But despite the distance, it still affects Dick knowing he can't find a definite solution for Bruce.

So, seeing Bruce actually change, get better and seeing that last...it would lift the heaviest weight on Dick's shoulders, who's felt responsible for Bruce's emotions since the day he became Robin.

It's been implied to him that Bruce needs him, that he's who keeps him from falling. And Dick, despite not always feeling like he is enough, carries with that responsibility because, deep down, he also feels like he owes it to Bruce, who Dick has needed (still needs) present in his life, too.

Bruce getting better would be like being able to breath again, but it would be so suffocating too.

Dick would happy for Bruce, for the man who raised him. He'd be relieved that the hurt will stop, for both his father and those he's continuously pushed away. But then he'll be anxious, will it really last? How long until he can be sure? And he'll be scared, does he still need him, now? Does a Batman who's gotten help still need Dick Grayson Robin? Nightwing? And lurking in the back of his mind, there'd be anger. Why now? Why after all those years? Why not before? Was Dick not enough reason to change? Was he never worth this? And shame will drown those thoughts. It's selfish, to think that way. He should be happy. He wants to be happy. He is happy. But he is also mad. He's sad and he mourns the child who never saw this side of Bruce. And most of all, he loves. He loves Bruce too much to hate him for it. No matter how angry, no matter how hurt, he loves his father and he's grateful for him, for his efforts. And all he can do is smile and congratulate him because that's everything he feels he has the right to say.

And when all is said and done, Bruce will come to him and Dick will have to face the worst part of this change;

Apologies.

If Bruce has truly changed, then he would know there's more things than he can count with his fingers that he has to apologize to his son for. And out of everything else, this is what Dick Grayson fears the most.

Dick can take it, he can hear Bruce out, but he can't unpack all the pain he's been accumulating in front of his dad. He can't bring himself to say 'I forgive you' out loud despite having convinced himself long ago that it's alright.

Bruce doesn't didn't do apologies. Things happened and then went back to normal and Dick was okay with that. He forgave him, he did. So, Bruce doesn't need to apologize, he doesn't have to make him say it out loud. He can't tell him, but he's forgiven him long ago. Even if it hurt, even if he was still resentful sometimes, even if he wanted to yell at him for it, Dick could push it all down and forgive him. Bruce shouldn't apologize, shouldn't bring it up again because Dick isn't strong enough to keep it all bottled up if Bruce starts acknowledging it, if he confirms that Dick wasn't crazy for feeling wronged and hurt.

He can take it, but he really can't.

Just thinking about it drives me crazy because, out of everyone, Dick Grayson might be the kid who's been waiting for this the longest, and who thought he'd already given up the idea of his father finding a lasting happiness that would bring permanent change in him. And it would be just so overwhelming.