#social skills kids

[foldingfittedsheets]

I think something a lot of other people can relate to is the way that you get so conditioned to discomfort that you stop registering it.

I remember sitting at the table with my family, eating dinner as a child. I’d try to eat, because of course I was hungry. But sometimes the flavor or texture was so repugnant that it moved into a category of Not Food.

“Two more bites before you can leave the table.”

“I can’t,” I’d say, trying to explain the impossibility.

But because I was a child they heard, “I won’t,” and made me sit at the table. I’d sit in dull agonized silence, bored and hungry for hours until bedtime when they’d give up. I’d hate myself for not eating and my parents for forcing me to sit there. The few forcefeeding moments ended in vomit.

They’d say, “If you don’t eat this you can’t eat a snack later,” and I moved past trying to communicate my discomfort into accepting that I’d just be hungry.

That state of affairs didn’t last, because my parents realized nothing could force me to eat so they catered to my palate, worrying they’d starve me. But the message stuck. If you can’t do anything about a situation, just accept the suffering.

A few years later my mother called me off the playground to ask, “Are you limping?”

I shrugged. My feet had hurt for a long time, but that was just the way things were now. My mom pulled my socks and shoes off and gasped. The soles of my feet were covered in huge painful planters warts.

“Why didn’t you say anything?!” She demanded but I could only shrug at her. I’d learned a long time ago that saying things about my discomfort didn’t matter, so now I had no words. Sometimes things hurt and sometimes they don’t. I simply accepted and did my best.

Now as an adult trying to learn to improve my own conditions can be hard. If I make food that I can’t eat I’ll force myself to sit at the counter still, full of guilt and self loathing, trying to will myself to eat it.

At first I needed my betrothed to gently take it away to present me with something I could eat. Now on my own I can usually admit that it’s not happening before too long and get something else, but I still feel guilty.

Laying in bed at night waiting for my betrothed to finish getting ready I let out a huge sigh of relief when they turned the lights off.

“Why didn’t you turn them off if they bothered you?” they asked the first time it happened.

“I didn’t even know it was bothering me until it was gone.”

Assessing my physical state now to see if I can improve it is something I’m still relearning but I’m relieved to finally have the space and support to do it.

[deadsetobsessions]

Some night, he flew above the twinkling lights of Blüdhaven’s buildings, wind rushing through his hair and the feeling of weightlessness pushing at the curve of his back.

There were a multitude of things that Dick Grayson appreciated, loved, Bruce for. One of those things would always be that his adopted dad allowed him to fly once more, even after his parents’ wings were cut.

In the air, he was home.

In the air, Dick Grayson felt like he was living up to, flying alongside, the Flying Graysons. Every flip, every trick he used to go faster, to fight better, felt like his parents were there guiding his every move.

Time healed his hurt, but still, the hole in his heart remained.

So when one of his best friends, a ghost vigilante by the name Phantom, asked him if he wanted to see his parents, he froze like a deer in bright white headlights.

“What…?”

Phantom did a flip in midair. “Wanna see your parents? They’ve been asking if they could talk to you.”

“My parents… are ghosts?” That was the least pressing question he had right now, but it was all his mouth could speak.

“Kind of. It’s complicated,” Phantom side-eyed him. “It would require going into the zone.”

And just like that, Dick understood. After the Amity Park came onto the map and the Justice League fixed the human and alien and meta rights violations that were happening right under their nose, Phantom had permanently closed all access to the Zone. Save, of course, for himself and a few magic users, who all refused to anger the King of the Dead.

“The only way you’re getting to my people now, is through me. Should anyone try to get into the zone, without my permission… I will make sure that you and your family’s afterlives will pay the appropriate price.”

No-one wanted to test his threat. The afterlife is something few fucked with and came back whole.

The Phantom they’d seen on the news then was incredibly different than the one in front of him now. Dick knows, understands now, that it was because Phantom trusted him. After years of being denied help, years of struggling all by himself to keep reality from collapsing while avoiding getting experimented on by humans understandably closed his heart.

“You’d take me into the Zone?” Dick didn’t know what he was feeling. Hope, fear, trust, touched, happiness, something.

A lot of things.

Danny shrugged. “Yeah. I trust you,” he said as he glanced back at Dick-at Nightwing. “Only you, though. No one else.”

The question that remained was whether Dick trusted Phantom too. And considering the fact that the ghost king ironically saved his ass from being killed a couple of times meant, “Yeah. I- I’d love to.”

Danny smiled, all pointed teeth and solemn trust. “Okay. Let’s go.”

“Now?!” Dick stood up anyways, his heart in his throat. Danny held out a gloved hand.

“Yeah, now. Haven’t you heard that death waits for no one?” At Dick’s concerned look, Danny added, “Don’t worry. You won’t actually die. You’ll come back whole and alive, I promise.”

“Oh, okay. Let’s go, then!”

——

Clark Kent threw himself out of the window, Superman suit already on.

Seonds later, he was hovering in front of Bruce’s shadowy form on top of a gargoyle.

“Clark,” Batman greeted in his gravelly voice, irritated. “What.”

“Batman, Nightwing’s heartbeat- it disappeared!”

Bruce’s heartbeat stuttered.

[mikuyuuss]

I love that Mitsuri is a little silly and stupid at times, shes a girlboss AND a girlfailure to me <3 but apparently there are some people that genuinely dislike her for those things? I understand Mitsuri's character isn't for everyone, BUT WAIT, HEAR ME OUT.

I've always had this headcanon that Mitsuri had a somewhat sheltered childhood growing up, since In the Rengoku Gaiden, she randomly got discriminated by a stranger for her hair color, so I can only imagine that she probably got that on a daily basis.

I'm sure Mitsuri's parents don't enjoy seeing their eldest daughter bring harassed, so perhaps they might have coddled her a bit. Maybe that could explain why Mitsuri comes off as childish, innocent or """"stupid"""" as many people would say. For me, it's more like her personality just screams "sheltered kid", through no fault of her own tho.

(this is taken from the second fanbook, translated by @/violetheart08)

The fact that she's happy to have friends at the corps, suggests to me that she probably didn't have many friends growing up, she most likely got bullied too, and if that's the case, it's understandable that she can come across as overly friendly and excitable whenever she's befriending new people.

She's actually socially awkward like Giyuu, but just on the opposite end of the spectrum lol, that's why I love them both.

But still, it's not that Mitsuri is straight up incompetent. She's very creative and thinks outside of the box with her breathing style. She also adapts pretty well in high stress situations, we saw this in swordsmith arc, but also we see this very clearly in the Rengoku Gaiden too.

The fact that it only took her two years to become a hashira shows that she has a level of discipline to attain that title. Not only did Rengoku trained her well, this is also no feat that a truly "stupid" person can achieve.

The reason why I have this particular headcanon about Mitsuri is because some families do put A LOT of importance on reputation, especially asian families, when their kids start showing traits that would make them "different" they tend to "hide" the kids in order to protect their reputation so they won't lose their chances at marriage.

(Though I'm not saying all asian families are like this. This is mostly just based on my personal experience that I won't elaborate further)

It reminded me of this scene, when Mitsuri's family suggested that she can just stay with them forever when she was worried that she won't be able to find someone. I love Mitsuri's parents and they are VERY GREAT for their time, but also this is really relatable to me personally :(

And given how marriage was such a big deal in Taisho era, I imagine that it was a mixture of that and the pressure to conform and protect their daughter at the same time that led me to imagine that Mitsuri probably had a sheltered lifestyle.

And you know it's possible that I'm wrong about all of these lmao, but just the fact that she has a comparably normal childhood is a good enough reason as to why she's more positive and naive compared to her peers. I know this is all just a headcanon, but I do wish people can be a bit more considerate towards Mitsuri before hating on her for being "loud" "stupid" and "annoying"

[unnonexistence]

imo a core part of the newmann dynamic is like... you've got these two very very intelligent people who have spent most of their lives being Smartest Guy In The Room. which feels great! but also, it's very hard to form close and trusting relationships when everyone else sees you as Smartest Guy In The Room. and if you maybe don't have great social skills to begin with, you can't figure out how to compensate. and it's hard to build up solid self-esteem when the only thing people value you for is your intelligence, and a lot of them resent you for that, too. so really it is very very lonely.

and then they meet! and neither of them is the smartest guy in the room anymore! and that is both EXHILIRATING (omg! someone who gets me!) and TERRIFYING (the fragile pillar i built my whole self-esteem on is crumbling! help!).

they do NOT know how to cope with this. best they can do is being obsessed with each other.

[azol-otl]

Just a silly little jaytim involving never died! Jason's big fat crush on his new friend.

Jason twirls in front of Babs again in case her Oracle eyes see something that he's missed. He worked hard on this, and he'd die of mortification if he there was a mistake he hadn't seen. He won't lie, he's kind of nervous about tonight. It's been...awhile since he's gone to do something social beyond school (and boy doesn't that make him sound like a loser) and he thinks he might have gotten a little too overenthusiastic about it. Well, Dick said it was fine but even after the coma Dick's only here every once in a blue moon and Jason isn't sure if he should take Dick's advice to heart when the man's been running around in tights since the day he was born. Plus Jason still remembers that Dick is a lying liar who lies when he thinks something would be funny or was trying to cover his ass. (Yes, he still holds that mask acne incident against him! Barbie laughed at him, Dick! Sure he now has photo evidence of Pizza Face Grayson, but still!) Everything fits him perfectly despite that last second growth spurt that finally started showing up. A tiny thing, barely an inch but it was enough to finally push him past 5ft so he's happy. His tunic fits perfectly and the stitching has an Alfred seal of approval. His armor is light, the leather looks good despite being made from old scraps of Bruce and Dick's outgrown clothes that have too much wear and tear to pass down. The cape swishes just the way he remembers, though a deep red instead of canary yellow. He decided against only tights by wearing some sturdy shorts over them, like an adventurer would, everything color matched for the time period. He looks up at Babs who's giving him a bemused look and he puffs out his chest indigently. "What?" he says tersely. "Nothing nothing," comes the amused sing song, the kind she gets when she's teasing Dick. "I just didn't expect this to be the result of introducing you to online gaming." Jason's cheeks warm but he has nothing to be ashamed of. Sure he's become...a geek after the accident. But he has friends, like actual friends close to his age that go to his school and not just co-workers six years older than him or a penpal from across the country. Plus Jason can admit he was a nerd before becoming a combo nerd/geek so it's not like his reputation took a hit. "Nothing wrong with immersion," he says. Babs gives him a wry grin. "Nothing wrong with impressing Tim you mean?"

And Jason couldn't even be mad at Barbie about that because she's absolutely right. Tabletop was Tim's thing, and Jason was excited to try it out, but it was absolutely a new thing for him. All of this was new to Jason. After being stuck with nothing but a computer for months on end any social skills Jason might have had have atrophied and what little that remains has made Jason the picture perfect geek. And he really didn't want to screw up this friendship when it was the lifeline that Jason used to actually talk to people in real life and not in front of a screen. Well, people that aren't maladjusted larpers punching criminals. "Seriously Barbie, does it look good? I don't wanna embarrass myself," Jason mumbles. This time Barbara does laugh and its just as embarrassing as the last time. "Ah, what's the world come to. Robin, the boy wonder himself, worried that he's going to embarrass his best friend in front of his Wizards and Warlocks group," she says wiping an imaginary tear from her eye. "It's Trailblazer," Jason says automatically, already having corrected Bruce, Dick, and Alfred about this for weeks. Barbara starts laughing again and Jason resists the urge to stomp out like a child. It wouldn't be dramatic anyhow, he isn't wearing shoes and he refuses to stomp in his fantasy footwear that's basically just a metal band around his arch for support. Once she stops laughing she finally takes pity on Jason. "You look fine Little Bird. I don't see anything sticking out, and the outfit looks amazing. Your little fey prince character is gonna knock it out of the park," she says and Jason feels warm enough that he doesn't even correct her that he's a halfling-changeling and not a fey anything, much less a prince.

 That warmth stays with him until he's in front of Tim's door. It's then that he thinks that maybe going all out was a terrible idea. He knows that some people dress up, but it isn't like a mandatory thing. And Tim didn't say anything about needing to dress up for Jason's first tabletop night. But Jason had been so excited. Tim didn't even finish his invitation before Jason already had a dozen designs scrambling in his head and started creating a character piece by piece. He was dragging out knowledge he hasn't touched since he was Robin. Fashion design, historical trends, and how to use them to create something tangible with the sewing lessons he had begged Alfred for back when he wanted to learn every practical skill he could. In case he got dropped like a sack of steaming shit. Crap what if they think Jason's a nerd? He had read that Traiblazer book cover to cover and made notes like it was a reading assignment! To be authentic to the setting! In case Tim's friend Ives wanted to "Um actually" Jason's meticulously created backstory and full lineage and npcs he built and sent to Tim weeks ago. Shit, maybe Jason's more of a loser than he thought if he thinks a wizards and warlocks group is too cool for him.

 He thinks about calling Alfred to pick him up and make a lie about the campaign being cancelled. Maybe he can persuade Bruce to send him back to public school instead of Gotham Academy. Then he can forget all about Tim and his goofy smile and how he puts his foot in his mouth and how cute he looked when he asked Jason to join in this game because he wanted to share something about himself with— Jason's thoughts are cut off when the door opens. He looks up, eyes wide with anxiety in his stupid changeling halfling outfit without any shoes because he wanted to be authentic. The guy across the doorway was tall, taller than Jason (but who isn't) and taller than Tim (also not an accomplishment), blonde with glasses. "Are you sure this guy's a senior, Tim," he says and Jason has to stop himself from punching out Tim's other friend.

Tim's head then pokes out of the door, funny wizard hat and all and just stares at Jason. For a full minute. It gets awkward fast but neither Jason or the other guy know what to say before Jason takes the plunge. "Hey, I'm Jason, you must be Ives?" he says forcing all his nerves as deep down as he can. Ives nods, "Sebastian Ives, don't call me by my first name." It isn't until introductions are done that Tim comes back online. "Hey! Jason! Wow! Your costume is really good! A changeling right?!" he says loudly, cheeks and ears a bright pink.

[aceforwhatevenisthis]

everyone hating on dev is sooooo wrong actually that’s my son, it’s not my fault he got the worst father in the world

[thwackk]

battinson enjoying a snowday with his newly adopted son :) happy holidays everyoooone

[felixakranken]

Okay. So. I see y'all are taking things a bit too literal.

My thoughts on the whole "Why did Jack think Felix did something to the kids" take I'm seeing a lot now:

First off, Jack was concerned about Felix's safety as well. You could tell from the tone of the voicemails. His first priority was his kids, though. He's not in the wrong for his focus being on his children instead of the adult who's supposed to be taking care of them.

Jack doesn't automatically assume Felix has "done something" to his kids. I don't think for one second that Jack actually thinks Felix did anything intentionally. His voicemails gave no indication of that. By the time he arrives at the house, he's scared and most likely has a gut feeling that something has happened. He knows his best friend. He knows if something has gone wrong, Felix will probably be too scared to confront him. That's why he's begging him to tell him.

Plus, he didn't jump to any conclusions, his kids have been gone for three hours well into the night since Jack said they were meant to be home. Any parent who actually gave a shit about their kids would begin to panic by then. No calls are being answered, and now he goes to the house seeing no one's there. He's desperate. He's rambling by that point because he's terrified. He even starts jumping to denial, trying to convince himself it must be some bad prank.

Just because he says "Felix if you did anything to those kids, I'll fucking kill you." Doesn't mean that he thinks Felix did something intentionally, its just how a scared parent would speak to the adult he trusted his children's safety with. "if you did anything" means if the kids got hurt under Felix's supervision, it's just Jack placing the blame on him, not him thinking Felix actually did something to them.

[where-the-water-flows]

also like au where teenaged Li xiangyi runs into also teenaged di feisheng mid fight with a di assassin, li xiangyi finds out about the mind control bug via idk overhearing the two Di kids being like 'yeah neither of us want to do this really but y'know. it's not like we have a choice' or whatever, and thus li xiangyi, baby activist for JUSTICE ends up fully derailing his sort of vauge plans to set up a sect in favour of dealing with this terrible injustice because it's, y'know, pretty fucked up and also he's been in the martial world for about six weeks max and in that time he's seen one (1) sect fully massacred like his repressed trauma backstory, presumably thrown himself into a bunch of other unfair fights, and is now faced with a guy only a couple years older than him who's digging his kind-of sect brother's grave after being forced to fight him to death because of fucking mind control slavery

(because on the one hand he's still kind of an arrogant brat, and on the other hand this shit is fucked up and also super personal and kinda complicated in a way that 'just sword the problem to jail/death' can't actually fix, given the whole mind control thing, and he is very rapidly finding out that wow, turns out everything off the mountain is actually very extremely fucked up and way more complicated than he thought.)

shan gudao shows up after like, barely a week away doing idk, sketchy nanyin related things probably, and his arrogant brat of a shidi is immediately hey guess what shixiong new plan we can get back to sect building later, also this is my new best friend he's awesome at sword and barely socialised, also also he's crashing with us now or rather I'm crashing with him and his band of weirdos he's collecting!

[gardenoflupins]

Assassin AU / @wolfstarmicrofic / 874 words

CW: sexual conversation

“You look bored, how about I take you to bed instead?” Sirius whispers in Remus’s ear.

Remus jolts, spinning to look at Sirius with wide eyes. Sirius suppresses a smirk.

Sirius had been hired to kill Lyall Lupin’s son, Remus Lupin, and he was going to be paid a hefty amount for it.

He knew that Lyall worked at the ministry. This wasn’t the first time he’d been hired to kill one of its members. His client harboured strong animosity towards Lyall and wanted to kill his son out of spite. That made Sirius’s job easier. Killing an important government official was always a hassle. He’s sure mini Lupin would have become just like his father anyway.

Sirius completed his assassinations in various ways depending on the context. Sometimes he’d go to their homes and kill them directly. Other times he’d poison them. His favourite technique, however, was to seduce them. It left them vulnerable and unassuming.

Sirius had been watching Remus the past hour to get an impression of him. So far, the man seemed reserved and awkward. Sirius decided on his seduction technique because Remus kept glancing at him and Sirius knew what those looks meant.

Remus’s entire face goes red at his words and he stutters unintelligibly. Eventually he laughs nervously and Sirius takes that as cue to lean towards him.

Remus shoots his hands up to stop Sirius from moving, hands on Sirius’s chest.

Perhaps Sirius had read him wrong. He looks into the other’s eyes to get a better feel of the situation. Remus’s eyes were still wide but he looked innocently confused.

“Unless you prefer the old fashioned way where I take you out first,” Sirius says, undeterred.

“I— oh god,” Remus replies, “I’m so bad at this, please don’t put me on the spot.”

This pulls a surprised laugh out of Sirius. “No need to be nervous, I can lead and take control,” he says with heavy implication.

Remus wets his lips, eyes darting around before they fall to his feet. He drops his hands to his sides.

He says nothing.

Doubt creeps into Sirius. Had he read the situation wrong? Was Sirius not what Remus wanted? It left him feeling unnerved and slightly agitated.

“Not interested, then?” Sirius asks calmly.

Remus continues avoiding his eyes, face flushed. “I am so terribly embarrassed,” he responds softly.

Understanding dawns on him and Sirius has to bite down on his lip. “One of the shy ones?”

Remus’s eyes flicker up at him then back down. “Unfortunately.”

Sirius leans against the bar, remaining close to the other. “It’s alright, I’m good at coaxing eye contact when I’m sleeping with someone. I’ll reward you with lots of praise, I promise.”

Remus chokes and snaps his head up to Sirius, his eyes going impossibly wide. “You—“ He takes a deep, shaky breath. “You can’t just— say things like that.”

Sirius pushes his tongue against the inside of his cheek, trying to hide his smile. He was leaning into his role as the seducer but it came easily to him. Remus was someone he would have slept with outside of work. Sirius’s eyes linger on his lips and he watches Remus swallow nervously at Sirius’s attention.

Remus’s breaths were coming out short, mouth slightly open and skin flushed.

Sirius moves to gently pull him in by the waist. “Don’t you want to taste me?”

His eyes flutter shut and he groans in response.

To Sirius, it was the sound of victory.

“I— Please,” he breathes out.

“Good boy,” Sirius murmurs, fingers rubbing delicate circles on his waist. “That’s it.”

Remus opens his eyes and Sirius is thrown off-kilter at the tender gaze. “I can’t. I want it— badly, but my father won’t allow it.”

Sirius blinks. His curiosity ignited. “Why not?”

Remus glances away bitterly. “He doesn’t want anyone to see me.”

This answers nothing and leaves Sirius with more questions. Seeing this, Remus offers him a kind smile. “Thank you for the offer, you’re quite gorgeous.”

Sirius feels a bit tingly. He won’t lie and say he wasn’t intrigued (in more ways than one) but he had a job to do. He didn’t need to seduce Remus to be able to kill him.

Someone pulls Remus rather harshly out of his grip. Sirius looks at Lyall Lupin’s sour expression.

“I’ve finished discussing with the others. Let’s go.” His hand is firm on Remus’s shoulder.

Skilled in picking up pieces of information, Sirius’s eyes cut to where a small group of men are leaving the bar. His gaze comes back to Lyall who is scowling at him while sending concerned looks to his son. Remus isn’t looking at either of them.

Sirius takes in Remus’s scars and he feels like he is seeing him for the first time. The scars closely resembled the ones his current client had.

The puzzle started forming in Sirius’s mind. It was just out of reach.

Lyall protectively pulls Remus away and Remus sends Sirius a mournful look.

Yes, it looked like Lyall was harbouring a secret regarding his son and Sirius would be damned if he didn’t figure it out. He had a feeling it had everything to do with the man that hated Lyall.

Fenrir Greyback.

[halfhumanhalfasleep]

anakin: why doesn’t anyone want to sit with me? :((

how anakin thinks he looks:

how he looks to the other padawans:

[nothorses]

Hi! Since you have a Discord server, could you share some tips for both moderating and keeping the space active and free of toxicity? I am thinking of creating my own for a micro-comunnity, but I have no idea where to start (especially what basic action protocols to follow of someone breaks a rule or is reported as abusive in DMs and there isn't much concrete proof).

Thanks in advance. ;-)

Ooh, yes, this shit is my bread & butter! Here's the advice I'd give someone creating a new community Discord space:

Start with a very clear idea of what the space is for.

This is your reasoning for every single expectation you set & rule you enforce. If you cannot explain to someone why a rule exists, you shouldn't have that rule- and you probably won't have an easy time enforcing it anyway.

Ask yourself some questions upfront: is this a space for bonding over a shared interest? Is this a space for building community around a marginalized identity or experience? Why? Who does it benefit, and how does it benefit those people?

The transmasc discord server I run started as a space to build community for transmascs who could not talk about transmasc issues elsewhere, and is therefore a space for discussion of these issues first, a space to build community for a group that faces a lot of isolation second, and everything else third.

Ask yourself: what is this space not for?

Now that you know what your goal is, it should be easier to determine what is in conflict with your goal. If you're a fandom space, you should be asking things like: do you need a vent channel? Why? What level of venting is okay? How will you tell someone in crisis that this is not an appropriate place to seek help? (Or applied to other situations: do you need this? Does it serve your goal? How? Is there a line or a nuance you should clarify? How practical is it to enforce this line?)

Think about your role as server owner

Server owners have a lot of de-facto power, because that's how Discord is set up, like, functionally. Think about the worst server owners you have ever encountered, and ask: what could have prevented those servers from disaster? People make bad decisions without realizing how bad they are, and it sucks. And, frankly, communities shouldn't necessarily belong to just one person.

What is your responsibility to your community? How can you share your power with them? What can you commit to in order to mitigate that power imbalance?

I have some commitments in place within my server along the lines of like... we make decisions on the basis of consensus (if someone really disagrees, we talk about it and, if needed, figure out a different solution; we don't go with "majority rules", and I don't veto or whatever). If there's consensus among the rest of the server staff that I should step down, I will step down. Stuff like that. My staff know these things, which keeps me (and them!) accountable.

You should think about the role of staff in a similar way; they have power over users. How can you mitigate that power? How can you share it with users? What happens if a staff member abuses their power?

Start small.

Unless you have a massive following ready to join your new server right away, you're gonna be pretty small for a long time. Embrace it! Small servers have the benefit of tight-knit communities and a lot of flexibility; you can make changes super easily, and you can be really responsive to your community. Let them tell you what they want and need, and invite them into the process of shaping the space together.

I really recommend that you start with the bare minimum, and add new rules, channels, staff, etc. as the need comes up organically. This gives you lots of room to think and discuss, and it means everything you add is tailored to the actual people that make up your community.

To use my own server as an example again: we had like five channels when we started, and adding each new channel has been a conversation about why we're adding it, whether we can fit that topic into a different channel or if it's getting overcrowded, how it impacts the server atmosphere (heavy/negative channels really add up!), etc. Which means they're generally, like, not completely unnecessary and unused.

Think about scaling

As you gain more members, you'll need more staff (and more staff time), more infrastructure, and more consistency. There's no one perfect way to do this, but I want to name it because I think it's good to keep in mind; I've seen big servers who try to act like small servers and end up chaotic and under-moderated, and small servers who try to act like big servers and end up drowning in their own (completely unnecessary!) red tape.

Rule enforcement

I recommend having a blanket policy of "we reserve the right to kick you out if it's obvious that you're not here with good or honest intentions". Don't try to litigate every little thing with every single person; if they're not there because they wanna be a part of the community you've made, there's absolutely no obligation to entertain their bullshit. Being upfront about this cuts out a lot of "but I didn't technically break a rule!", and "explain to me exactly why you're doing this so I can argue it to death!" nonsense from bad actors.

I also recommend a blanket policy of "infinite honest mistake forgiveness". People forget, slip up, whatever; don't stress about it. Give them a reminder or a heads up and move on.

For the stuff in the middle, you'll figure out what systems work for you. I prefer DMing people about things; being specific, transparent, and offering support does wonders for most issues. Name some clear expectations if you're noticing patterns, and ask what you can do to help them meet those expectations. Assume they didn't mean to do any harm, and that they want to get better. Even if that's not the case, most people will rise to that assumption if given the opportunity (and if they don't, you can kick 'em then).

Encourage a self-regulating community

Do not get involved in petty bullshit!! If someone has an issue with someone else, your first step is always to ask yourself: is this something staff need to take care of, or could this be resolved with a conversation between these two people?

Oftentimes, even a broken rule is something people can sort out themselves. If someone forgot a rule or made an honest mistake, there is literally no reason that it needs to be you or other server staff telling them so. Encourage people to talk to each other! You will save yourself so much grief (and petty drama, and serious conflict) in the long-run if your community can talk to each other like humans.

Encourage people to set their own personal boundaries, too! If they have a unique trigger or a particular need, encourage them to communicate that need to other people. This also allows people to negotiate their own solutions to conflicting access needs, and prevents staff from "taking sides".

As a bonus, this will also make it super clear when someone is just an asshole.

Maintain the vibe!

Don't try to duke problems out in the middle of the server! It sucks, everyone hates it, and the people that don't hate it love it for all the wrong reasons. Drama breeds more drama, and toxicity breeds more toxicity.

I recommend telling people exactly where to take their disagreements, discontent, and emotional outbursts. My personal policy is: if you can't have a productive conversation or offer everyone else basic respect, you need to step back and cool off until you can. if you have personal beef with someone else, you can either talk it out in DMs, let it go, or block them and move on. If you disagree with a rule or how a rule is being enforced, you still need to listen to staff, but you can (and should!) bring that up in the appropriate channels to discuss for the next time it comes up.

We have the "ticket tool" bot- which is great for when one person wants to argue about stuff like that- and an "office" channel for all kinds of administrative-y suggestions, questions, discussions, etc. which is great for respectful disagreements/discussions. I recommend using Discord's "Time Out" feature to mute people if they won't respect a staff request to pause or step back, and even removing everyone's ability to post in a channel if it's getting rancid & you need to buy some time to figure out exactly what's happening and how to handle it. (Let people know what's going on when you do this, though!)

This is maybe the biggest thing for keeping a server active and not toxic, tbh. People do not want to spend time in a space that sucks! And while it's vital to make space for conflict to happen, that space doesn't need to be the same one that everyone else is trying to share art of their blorbos in. And that conflict should never be abusive.

(Note: not all disagreements are conflicts, and not all conflicts necessarily need to be stopped or moved! This is generalized advice; there's a lot of gray area, and you'll get a feel for it over time if you don't already have a clear idea.)

TL;DR:

Be thoughtful and intentional about exactly what you're trying to do and why. Be responsive and responsible to your community. Have as much patience & forgiveness for earnest people as you refuse to have for ill-intentioned people. Don't be afraid to draw hard lines in order to protect the space for everyone when you need to, and encourage people to talk to each other, enforce their own boundaries, and help keep each other accountable in kind and compassionate ways.

I think this sounds very big and grand because I have run a lot of servers and I am also drawing on some educational philosophy background, but like, all you really need to do is start with a clear purpose and go from there. You can be flexible and make changes as stuff comes up, and focus on having fun with the process and the community you're creating!

Good luck!!

[shehsart]

Touya and this cat that wouldn't stop following him around. 🍂

[the-overthinktank]

I feel like part of autistic infighting is that the term encompasses such a huge range of disability, symptoms, and experiences that advocacy often struggles to be inclusive without becoming so unspecific it's toothless. On one hand high vs low functioning is a false dichotomy, on the other hand someone who was has severe difficulty communicating and motor disabilities has obviously had very different experiences from someone who found out later in life and can mask

[gem-femmes]

How to handle running into a former friend or ex that you’re not looking to reconnect with

Let’s talk about something we all face at some point: running into someone from your past that you’ve moved on from, whether it’s an old friend or a former lover.

You’ve done the work, you’ve grieved, and you’ve leveled up. You’re not interested in rehashing the past or rekindling that connection. But what happens when you bump into them in public?

Often when this happened to me, I found the other person missed me and wanted to spend time with me again - even when they had ghosted me. This made me uncomfortable. They had confused me, I had to grieve the loss of the relationship and now they want me again???

Believing I owed them an explanation due to happy times spent together, I let them drag me into pointless discussions to figure out what had gone wrong years ago.

Every time, I realized our connection had ended for a reason, and my explaining only opened up old wounds.

Don't do that.

Here’s how to handle encounters with former friends, lovers and foes like a boss:

1. Stay Calm and Composed

First things first—take a deep breath. You’ve already moved on emotionally, and this is just another moment in your day. You’ve got this.

2. Acknowledge Them Briefly

If you make eye contact, a simple “Hi” or “Hello” with a confident smile is more than enough. You’re showing that you’re mature, unbothered, and not holding any grudges. No need for deep dives into what happened.

3. Keep it Short

If they try to engage in small talk, go ahead and be polite, but keep it light and brief. A quick “It’s good to see you,” followed by a natural exit, sends the message that you’re not interested in going any deeper.

4. Graceful Exit Strategies

Sometimes, it’s best to have an escape plan. If the conversation starts to linger, here are some graceful ways to make your exit:

“I’d love to chat more, but I’m on a tight schedule today. Have a great day!”

“It’s nice seeing you, but I need to finish my shopping before I forget what I need.”

“I have to go; someone’s waiting for me. Take care!”

“Well, I should get going. It was nice running into you!”

“I’ll let you get back to your day. See you around!”

5. Don’t Feel the Need to Explain

If they try to bring up the past, it’s perfectly fine to deflect. A simple, “That was a long time ago, and I’m focused on the present now” will keep you from getting sucked into a conversation you’re not interested in. You’ve moved on, and your time and energy are precious.

It’s all about maintaining your peace of mind and protecting the progress you’ve made. You’ve leveled up, and you don’t need to revisit chapters you’ve already closed.

Stay polite, stay brief, and most importantly, stay focused on you. You’ve got bigger and better things to do! 💪✨

[openstorygames]

Kids Play TTRPGs

There are plenty of people who started playing D&D or other TTRPGs as kids. Heck, imaginative play (which all kids engage in on some level and in some manner) is central to what TTRPGs do. Roleplaying is a critical part of developing your child self as a person!

So what's the benefit of giving kids a rule-bound system like D&D, Quest, or Kids on Bikes? Why should kids play TTRPGs and not just make-believe?

TTRPGs teach boundaries.

Some of this depends on how a particular group runs, but a healthy TTRPG group teaches kids where boundaries are and how to respect them.

This can show up in lots of ways.

letting dice determine success

working within the limitations of a class, feature, or spell description

avoiding upsetting or scary topics, as requested by a player

offering trigger warnings and safety tools

accepting when a GM says no

respecting when another player says no

Some of those things are organic to telling a story together. Some of them are brought in to keep the game fun for everyone, like safety tools. All of these examples—and more!—help kids practice boundaries one step removed from real life, where things are a bit harder.

TTRPGS provide escape.

As adults, we think of TTRPGs as escape from the crushing reality we live in. We can free ourselves from the news cycle or our social media feeds for a few hours and pretend we live in a world where our actions are world-changing (and I'm talking saving-the-world-from-evil-powers world-changing).

Kids need escape too! Not so that they're living outside of the world, but so they can practice the skills they need to live within it.

It's way easier to advocate for your PC who's scared of creepy crawlies than it is to admit your skin crawls around your buddy's pet snake.

Kids can practice all sorts of social skills in the freedom of TTRPGs because those games provide escape and distance from the world they actually inhabit. For example:

admitting fears

facing conflict

handling disagreement

learning about themselves

experimenting with consequences (from stealing a loaf of bread to going full murderhobo at times)

setting goals and making plans

Games are low stakes ways for all of us to practice tough conversations or new social skills. Why not let kids get a leg up by teaching them to role play?

TTRPGs build confidence.

Practice makes perfect, and TTRPGs are a great place to practice your sense of self (while inhabiting a character).

As kids get more confident roleplaying their PC, they learn gain confidence in who they are and speaking from that place.

This doesn't look like adults might expect though. We think of the bard suddenly offering a grand speech, or the shy loner forging bonds with the rest of the party.

Kids gaining confidence might not look like what you expect (more on that another time), but TTRPGs help clear the path for confident, empowered kids. And that's something worth making space for!