#something is wrong with all of them /aff

[casinoquartet]

waves so aggressively. hi i am so hearing you out on ksmp swagzy and that is where i originally actually thought of the idea of swagzy.

-the ashzy and princeswagg anon from the lifesteal headcanons blog

IT IS MY TIME TO SHINE okay i will be sending a lot of clips of this so. be warned

okay listen this plays into my ash/branzy/clown ksmp polycule while they were in the lab (you can find my post talking more in depth about ash/clown here) but. ok listen there are So many moments that imply they have Such a history with each other and i think about. a lot (most clips from the branzy ksmp vod)

okay first off. branzy telling ash he used to let ash steal stuff from the lab (3:47-4:10) AND branzy telling ash's real name 2 him and calling him "best friends" alongside clown (WHICH CONSIDERING CLOWNZY GOT BASICALLY MARRIED BY THE END OF THE STREAM...) (4:50-5:10) . and in general ash spending a lot of the time together (5:14-5:20, 3:08-3:20, and 24:24-24:30 [CONSIDERING CLOWN SAYS HE ACTIVELY LIED TO BRANZY BECAUSE BRANZY WAS QUITE FOND OF ASH ?!?!?] and 22:10-22:30 in ash's and clown's confrontation vod) . and also branzy saying that clown wouldnt have shoved ash through the portal because clown loves ash as much as ash loves branzy (13:49-13:57) . and also branxy literally says he wanted someone from clown's and his home to watch thier """focusing ritual""" and was upset when ash wasn't there . Okay Buddy (24:29-24:43) . fellas is it gay to work on a portal for years with someone, actively let him steal stuff, and say that u loved him and maybe see him on the same level as a marriage partner . Okay .

[curi0uscreature]

* Found Family dynamic with these three but none of you can handle what I’m doing in the kitchen 

[shadowtraveled]

"mithrun is the only real monsterfucker in dungeon meshi" is objectively the funniest bit you can get out of his everything, but in all seriousness i think his attraction to his love interest is deliberately overstated—and that makes sense, because romantic jealousy is a classic and digestible motive, which is explicitly what kabru was aiming for in condensing mithrun's backstory, and also because until chapter 94, mithrun wasn't willing to admit to the true nature of his desires.

but because romantic envy is both classic and digestible, it probably isn’t a unique enough or complicated enough desire to tempt a demon’s appetite. mithrun’s wish, as far as we can figure from kabru’s reduced retelling, was to have a life in which he had never become one of the canaries, and that carries like 3857 implications and desires within it. that’s delicious. his love interest acts as sort of a red herring to his motivation for making it, though. (side note: i'm saying "love interest" here because, keeping in mind that i barely speak japanese on a good day anymore, "想い人" is something i'd usually take as just kind of an old-fashioned and romantic way to refer to a lover, but in context i wonder if both the connotation of yearning and the vagueness are intentional, and i think this phrasing gets those aspects of it more effectively. anyway.)

mithrun considered his love interest to be untrustworthy. there was a minute where i thought that comment might be about a similar-looking elf (yugin, one of his squad members), but comparing the two…

the "sketchy" arrow is definitely referring to the elf we know as his love interest—the bangs go toward her right, she only has the one forehead ornament, and, most notably, her ears aren't notched.

every time she’s given a full-body depiction in his dungeon, she’s drawn as a chimera, with the body of a snake from the waist down. (side note: the “what if a dungeon has chimeras before reaching level 4?”/“then the dungeon lord is unstable” exchange just being mithrun grilling his past self alive is so funny. he’s so. but anyway) there are a couple things about this.

first, the snake part of the chimera appears to be modeled after some species of coral snake mimic

which, in the biology-for-fun manga, i… doubt is a coincidence, especially with the added context of the “untrustworthy” comment. the dungeon’s conjured illusion of mithrun’s love interest was a harmless copycat of a venomous original. for whatever reason, he felt this person was a threat and made up a "safe" version of her to be in a relationship with, and while it’s definitely possible to be attracted to or even love someone you find to be toxic and/or intimidating, when you take that into consideration alongside the configuration of her body, you get some interesting implications.

which brings us to our second point: if we assume that mithrun was not in fact fucking a snake, then sexual attraction, at least, was so far removed from his idea of a relationship with this person that he did not even bother to keep her dungeon copy human enough to maintain the illusion of the option of a sexual relationship. this is somewhat echoed in the depictions of their interactions, which also imply a frankly unexpected romantic distance. she kisses his cheek and he doesn't seem to react; she's at the edge of a narrow bed with only one set of pillows, on top of his blankets while he's underneath them.

the kiss is particularly interesting because it seems to contrast the text. kabru's narration tells us this was everything mithrun could have asked for, but mithrun is there looking unreadable to pensive, likely because this is right before the panel that makes it clear things in the dungeon are beginning to go wrong.

walking through this backwards for a minute, we have the physical barrier of his bedding and the spatial separation inherent in a bed made for one person, the emotional barrier of his mounting anxiety getting in the way of his ability to enjoy the affection he sought, and... the snake, which historically carries the connotation of temptation, yes, but also mistrust, barring physical intimacy. okay. ok. if a dungeon reflects the mentality of its lord, all of this might suggest that mithrun was not able to have any real desire for a relationship with this person. his unwillingness to be vulnerable or let another person in was insurmountable. but in that case, why was she such a focal point that she remained to the end, after his dungeon had stopped creating iterations of his friends to come and visit him? why would he get so upset over her meeting with his brother that he became lord of a dungeon about it?

well. mithrun's brother was also interested in her, probably genuinely. and mithrun had to win.

you have an older brother who your parents completely ignore, probably in part because he is chronically ill/disabled and almost definitely in part because he received a ton of recessive traits that resulted in rumors that he was an illegitimate child. you are aware, most likely because those same parents fucking told you, that you actually are an illegitimate child. but they keep you around because you had the good fortune of looking just like your mother. what can that possibly teach you but that you, like your brother, are disposable?

it's utterly unsurprising that mithrun, under these circumstances, developed a pathological need to be better than everyone around him. people don't keep you otherwise. i'd argue this is also why he says he looked down on everyone he knew while milsiril claims his dungeon reeked of feelings of inferiority—he sought out people's worst traits and prioritized them in his mind to protect his already extremely fragile sense of self-worth, and all the while he tried to be as likable and high-performing as he possibly could be. his parents disposed of him anyway, but even then he tried to keep up the performance. he was kind to everyone. he never once lost to a dungeon.

when he saw his "love interest" meeting up with his brother, what he saw was himself being replaced by a person his parents had always treated as worthless, and if that was what they thought of the child they'd kept, what value could anyone possibly see in the bastard they'd given away to die? mithrun and kabru tell the story like he wanted to win this unnamed elf's heart, but it was never about being with her. it was about cementing his worth, proving that he didn't deserve to be thrown away.

and so it's particularly cruel that his demon discarded him, too. but maybe it's also particularly gentle that, in the end, there was someone who refused to even consider giving up on him.

kui laid it out in three panels better than i could hope to.

yeah. it's love. you wanted to be loved, even when the only way you were able to understand it was through the desire to be wanted, and you wanted that so badly that the idea of being consumed felt like the promise of finally mattering to someone.

[ceilidho]

'still wakes the deep' au

prompt: You're an environmental scientist conducting research on an off-shore oil rig with only a few days left before you're slated to leave. The eldritch creature they accidentally awaken throws a wrench in the works. Trouble Brewing masterlist

-

“Shit,” you huff, leaning back in your chair and crossing your arms over your chest, annoyance bleeding into your words as your frustration finally comes to a boil. 

“What’s th’ matter?” Roper, another rig worker, asks. He’s taken to sitting with you in the lounge whenever his breaks line up with yours, one of the few men to not treat you with barely concealed disdain. You can't deny that it's nice to have company.

“Nothing—I think I may have accidentally contaminated the samples. None of this looks right.” 

By this, you mean the papers spread out on the coffee table in front of you—print-outs of the water sample analyses. You’ve been staring at them for far too long, eyes practically burning after your tenth consecutive read through. 

Almost everything in the sample analysis looks off. The alkalinity, the pH, the temperature, the CO2 and H2S levels—even the microbiological parameters are far exceeded. At some point, you must have accidentally contaminated the samples; only in a worse case scenario, such as a massive oil leak, would you expect to see numbers like these, and you would know if that were the case. It would be immediately obvious not only by the distress spreading like a miasma through the rig, but simply by looking at the water crashing against the jacket legs beneath you. 

There’s something else too. Something in the samples that you’ve never seen before—almost like a faint iridescence to the water, a shimmer so light that it’s almost not perceptible to your eye. 

So it can’t be that. You must’ve done something wrong when collecting your samples from the discharge point. It’s frustrating to know that the work you’ve done so far has been basically for nothing, seeing as how you’ll have to do it all over again in order to get a fresh batch of samples, but you just remind yourself that these things happen. It could always be worse. 

A reminder of that appears right before your eyes when a guy on the other side of the lounge opens his trap and says to Roper, “Ye hear about MacTavish?”

Your ears perk up. Roper must notice because he just grins. “Na—what happened?”

The other man whistles through his teeth. “‘Twas a shit storm. Heard about it from O’Connor.”

“Och, spit it out, will ye? Quit keeping us in suspense.” 

“A’richt, just dinnae tell him ah tellt ye—‘ah swear he’ll take someone's head off at this rate.”

The men whisper and titter about it all afternoon—how MacTavish got dragged into the rig manager’s office and ripped into over some offshore antics (fightin’—near broke a guy’s jaw for mouthing off tae him, one crew member tells you surreptitiously, again reinforcing the gossiping hen opinion you’d already formed of them). You’re not exactly shocked by the news, but the quiet that comes over the rig in his absence is a bit jarring. 

Coming across him in the aftermath of the incident is, however, far more shocking. 

You see him first from across the mess scowling into his food, a dark cloud hanging over him. His usual roguish countenance is swapped for something more choleric, foul-tempered. It’s incongruous with the image you have of him in your head, the one that sees him as eternally cheery; cocksure and braggadocious. 

Roper warns you in no uncertain terms to give Soap a wide berth if you happen to come across him.

You cock a brow at that. “You think he’d hurt someone?”

“Na, tis nae like that. It wasn’y his fault that someone else wanted tae have a pissing contest. The lad’s just got an ill temper is all. He’ll gallus aff eventually—juist best nae tae git in his way until then.” 

No sense in trying to decipher what he means by that. You have a job to do anyway and the issue with your samples weighs far more heavily on your mind than Soap’s bad mood. 

Still, you recognize it as a distant cause for concern. Every so often it dawns on you how far you are from civilization—out in the middle of the North sea, surrounded by nothing but waves and men with voracious appetites. You grit your teeth and bear a lot as it is; unsavory comments and blatant stares, the kind of thing that registers as an ever present, unsung threat that you are impelled to ignore lest it be mentioned. Lest it be given a name.  

Soap’s bad mood might not be something you have to worry about, but still you acknowledge that you should probably keep your distance for the time being. At least until his pride is mended and he’s back to his old self. 

These days, you’re never allowed what you want though.

You’re around the bend of a hallway when you hear him coming, his distinctive thick brogue snapping at another crew member. Though your heart immediately starts pounding against your chest, there’s nothing you can do; the corridor behind you is too long to run back down without being seen and there aren’t any rooms to sneak into and use as cover. All you can do is stand there with your heart in your throat as he gets closer and closer. 

The sharp dogleg in the hall keeps him from seeing you until he’s already on you, nearly plowing into you before catching himself at the last minute, a big hand slamming against the wall beside you to stop him mid-step. You flinch despite anticipating him. 

“Jesus, bonnie, I didn’y see ye there. Make a bit o’ noise or somethin’,” Soap says, more brusque than he’s ever spoken to you before. 

“Sorry,” you mumble, attempting to sidestep him. 

“Ach, wait, ‘ah dinnae mean tae snap. Where are ye off tae?” he asks, stepping with you to the right so that you can’t pass around him. He’s quick enough that you walk straight into him, crushing your nose against his chest and wincing when you take a step back and wriggle it out. A hand clamps down on your shoulder to keep you from scurrying off any farther. 

“Um…I have some things to do.”

“Things?” he repeats, waiting for you to elaborate.

“I have work. Didn’t mean to get in your way.”

“Ah’m no’ an animal, bonnie; ye dinnae have to run off jus’ because ah’m in a mood.”

“I’m not running off—I really do have work to do, Soap. That’s why I’m here, remember?” You realize that he must like it when you get snippy with him because the second you do, his lips stretch into a grin, blue eyes glinting. 

“Want some help?” he asks. 

“Um…” 

Irritation clouds his expression. “Ah’m no’ gonna flip out if that’s what yer worried about. That shit with Rennick had nothing tae do with my work.”

That shifts the guilt around in you and gives it a bigger hole to wedge itself in. “…Sure. I guess I could use a hand.” 

“Now, ye aren't just asking tae make me feel better, are ye? ‘Cause ah’m a big boy; I willnae cry if ye let me down gently.”

“Oh my god, Soap, do you want to help me or not?” you snap. 

His grin widens, a new little mischievous furl to it. “Well, ye dinnae have tae beg, bonnie. Ah’d be happy tae help ye out.”

Of course it was nothing but a ploy for him to rile you up and get you to be the one to ask for help. 

Back to the discharge point to collect fresh water samples. Soap doesn’t stop talking the whole walk, the onslaught of questions about your personal life and his own life offshore enough to make your ears ring. No chance of peace and quiet—not with him around, anyway. 

On your way up a flight of stairs, you peek back at him to find him climbing with his hands on both railings. You’re not sure if it’s to keep you from slipping away or to keep himself stable, but if you were a bettor, you know which you’d pick. 

Soap grins toothily up at you. You roll your eyes in response and turn back around, climbing up the last few steps. The ocean’s ever tempestuous winds howl in the distance. 

For all your initial reluctance to let him help you, he proves to be a pretty useful assistant, helping you flush the sample point beforehand and then holding your equipment as you carefully fill and cap each sample bottle. 

He’s such a help in fact, that part of you feels a bit guilty for the way you treated him earlier. Like a ticking time bomb. Wouldn’t you also be upset after being told off by your boss? You have the luxury of not really reporting to anyone on the rig—so long as you send your boss daily updates on the progress of your work and follow safety and security regulations on the rig, you never worry about being reprimanded. Certainly not yelled at. 

You’re also surrounded by strangers for the most part, which, while sometimes alienating, also means that you’re not particularly invested in what anyone has to say about you. These aren’t your coworkers. In a couple weeks’ time, you’ll be flown back to shore and you’ll never see any of them ever again. 

The walk back to your room-cum-office is different. Soap follows behind you quietly for a change, your additional samples in hand, and only the sound of his steel-toed boots clanging against the floor remind you that he’s still with you. You didn’t think he had it in him to stay quiet for so long. 

He follows in after you when you reach your room, not bothering to wait outside like anyone with common sense would. It would be more aggravating if he weren’t so handsome. It’s hard to look at him and hold on to any real anger though. 

“I—uh—I’m sorry you had a rough day,” you finally manage to blurt out. 

He must eye you dubiously because you can feel the weight of his gaze. Not like he doesn’t understand what you’re referring to, but more like he doesn’t quite trust your sincerity. 

“Ah must’ve been bonny crabby for ye tae apologize for that asshole,” he teases. You can tell through the joke that even now his pride is a little stung that you brought it up at all.  

If his temper weren’t so volatile, you might actually be tempted to spend more time with him. You have to shake that thought away as soon as it comes to you though; you won’t be on the rig for much longer anyway. 

“What’d you do anyway?” you blurt out, immediately thinking better of your words when Soap’s face darkens, nostrils flaring the slightest bit. “Sorry, that was—don’t answer that.”

“Nah, it’s no’—” he pauses, sucking air in between his teeth. “It’s no’ a secret or anythin’. Got myself mixed up in some bad shit, but it’s over, ah swear. Told Rennick that it wasnae anythin’ tae worry about, but he gave me hell anyway.” 

“He seems like a dick,” you say in consolation. 

“Aye,” Soap laughs. 

He waits until you’ve packed all your samples away before opening his mouth again. 

“Ye ken what would really make me feel better, bonnie?”

You glance over at him suspiciously, bracing yourself for something crass. You can feel it brewing—the culmination of days worth of purred words and heady glances, his interest so blatant that ignoring it feels almost pointless. He lays it on thick enough that you’d have to be blind not to have picked up on it. 

So, it catches you off guard when instead of making a licentious comment, he just sighs, “Ah could really use a hug.”

That’s—that’s a bit more reasonable than what you had anticipated. Surprising enough for you to lower your hackles and turn to face him. 

He holds his arms out in invitation, face expectant. That nearly makes you cringe before you catch yourself. You’ve been caught in this trap before—your tentative kindness leveraged for physical affection; pushing your boundaries at the first sign of weakness, like waging a siege on you—and even though your teeth itch with the urge to snap at him, it just doesn’t feel worth it. Easier just to capitulate and give what he wants. Just this once. 

Besides, it’s just a hug. 

His arms fold around you the second you step into them, constricting around your waist like two steel bands holding you in place. He hugs tight too, not an inch of space between your bodies, your breasts flush with his chest. Toes practically scraping the ground, lifted up by the strength of his arms. 

The blood rushes to your head. Weak kneed. It’s almost a blessing that Soap’s arms are holding you up. Every inch of your body feels electrified, nerves spitting hot fire; even your scalp tingles when he rests his chin on your crown. You don’t like to think about it—how little anyone touches you these days and how starved your body is for it. Even offshore, you haven’t dated in so long that it seems almost incomprehensible now that you’ve ever dated anyone before.

He groans into your hair, lost in his own head. One of his hands curves up and around your back until it cups over your shoulder, anchoring you even tighter to his chest. You can feel the bulge of every muscle, the tensile strength vibrating under his skin, and it’s only then that you realize that he’s shaking. 

The other thing you can’t ignore is the weight of his dick pressing into you. Your eyes bulge when you realize you can feel it thicken with blood against your belly. Even through the material of his pants, you can tell that it’s big. 

“Christ, bonnie,” Soap whines, pulling you somehow even tighter to him, nearly cutting off your breath. “Yer so fucking soft.”

“Soap—” you squeak. “Okay, I think that’s—I’ve—I’ve got work to do—”

You tense when his free hand drifts down your back and settles right over your ass. 

“Soap—” you hiss, then yelp when his hand drops even more and his fingers into a soft, fleshy cheek and he grinds his hips into your belly. You’re not sure if he’s even aware of what he’s doing, his hug devolving into something coarse and almost sexual. 

You reach a hand up to grab him by the jaw and push his head away, struggling feebly in his hold until his arms finally give a little and you’re able to wriggle out, scampering back until you’ve put some distance between the two of you. 

When you meet Soap’s eyes, you have to fight the urge to flinch. It takes him a second to regain control of himself, slack-jawed and hungry-eyed until he blinks and it starts to melt away. His chest heaves with his ragged breath. He looks every bit like a man that just got kicked out of bed before finishing, dick still hard in his pants. 

“Sorry, bonnie. Ah got a little carried away,” he says apologetically, eyes so round that they almost make him look puppyish. 

“It’s fine.” 

It’s not fine. You’re still shaky and your thighs are suspiciously damp and you’re fairly sure all the blood in your body has rushed to your face because your cheeks feel like they’re on fire, but you also don’t want to acknowledge the obvious. The outline of his dick straining against his pant leg. The dark flush on his cheekbones and his glazed over eyes. The way you have to fight the urge not to stare at the fabric of his jumpsuit tight around his thighs and biceps. 

“Ah’ll, uh…ah’ll see ye later then.” He takes a step back, then another, waiting maybe for you to say something. For you to tell him that it’s alright to stay. 

You smile tightly instead, ignore the urge to call him back to you. Your smile only drops when he closes the door behind him. 

There’s trouble brewing. You can feel it swelling up like a wave, ready to crash into you.

Under you, you can feel the rig shift with the water and in the distance, something howls.

[sheeezu]

.Shift by channeling.

Go to your DRs by channeling, again, step to step guide.

This can be used as a separate method, or you could use this when you need a final push.

This isn't the spiritual type of channeling, nor do you need to use AI or something, nor do you get possessed.

Step 1:

Before attempting to shift, choose a person from your DR. It could be your S/O, you can choose to channel multiple people, if you have a friend group or something, but i recommend picking someone whom you have a close connection with in your DR.

Have a voice claim ready, take some times to look at the person's pictures, remember their physical attributes, focus on their personality.

(You can listen to songs which remind you of your relationship with that person)

Step 2:

Lay down, when you're prepared to shift. You're going to start off saying affirmations like it's a normal shifting method.

If you can visualize, i recommend you think of visual affirmations which relate to your DR.

Its a method to affirm, where you go around your DR, whether it's your DR house, room, or a memorable or nostalgic place in your DR, and see your normal shifting affs, carved, written around, for example, your affs formed by clouds, carved into pillars and tables, written on your clothes, finding papers or letter which say your affirmations (so Affirmations ∝ Your DR)

You should try to be hype fixated, so if you are fidgeting, can't stay still, you're too engrossed in what's going on inside your mind to notice your body itching or twitching.

Do this until your symptoms intensifies or reach a peak, everyone feels differently, for some it's more physical (seeing light flashes, tingles, floating) for some it's mental (having a gut feeling, feeling euphoric) so don't get discouraged.

You aren't doing anything wrong.

Step 3:

This is where we come across our special person. While you're seeing your affs, make yourself meet them. Now, if you're confused and going to say this isn't channeling, then just stop. You're creating this reality and undoubtedly every moment you're experiencing, so when you're in a deeply concentrated phase, the only thing that could possibly stop you from having a very real and authentic meeting with your SP is your own self-doubt (anyways, if you're having self doubt then say an aff or two to combat them)

Your SP is standing right in front of you, let yourself loose at this point. No need to force anything scripted, but if you want then you can.

Have a conversation with your SP, whether it's initiated by you or your SP.

Maybe even invite them to drink tea, sit outside, take them to a secret spot.

Now you're having a conversation with them, starting off with your conscious thoughts doing the talking from your part, whatever your SP says is your subconsciousness speaking, or you're directly channeling them (both of which are the same thing, i hate being repetitive, you're creating reality if you believe you're being channeled by your SP, then that's what's happening)

Start off with a normal conversation, like how'd you talk to someone, someone you love and know very well.

Right now, you're going to say a very specific affirmation:

"(your SP's name) is just about to ask me what i was doing in my OR/void reality."

Then let the conversation take a natural turn. That question will eventually be asked, your loved one is just very curious about why you were away from them.

Now, what you will answer back will be the way how to shift.

"Oh, must be a fever dream, i had never had a dream so real, i was touching everything, each and everything felt legit." (best for permashifters, don't be afraid of using this if you intend to come back)

"I guess it was out of responsibility, but don't worry, i'm here now."

"I don't know myself, all i know i didn't like being there."

"I was curious, that's all; you know i like exploring new things, and come on, it was a whole new universe, but now i want to rest at home."

Whatever your SP says in response, whether they're asking you to come join them, or how they're glad you're back, just nod back.

Step 4:

Go to sleep in your DR, if you recall, you're in your home. Go towards your bed, crash down, close your eyes.

From this point onwards, you're going to embody your DR self and fall asleep acting normal, completely abandon the fact that you were shifting, or that you have shifted to your DR, act like a person (your DR self) living in any other world (your DR)

I described this in details in the third phase of my pinned post, you're supposed to do all that.

You'll wake up in your DR.

Why is this method supposed to work?

Connection to your DR environment ✔

Logically explains your involvement with your previous reality, why you were there for so long ✔

Reminds your consciousness that you've successfully shifted ✔

Connection to your loved ones in your DR ✔

Most importantly, connection to your DR self ✔

...

That's the method, you can also shift in between the method as well. There really isn't any reason for you to wake back in your CR, listen to some subliminals to remove intrusive thoughts, then you're good.

You could also make it so your SP had more control over your shift, like they brought you back, you can modify the method according to your wishes.

It's a short and sweet method, believe in your abilities and you'll be out of here faster than lightning.

...

This method is heavily focused on visualizing, if you have aphantasia then your DR SP can just speak to you, when you eventually cross over to your DR self's state of mind (if they can visualize) you'll get the ability to visualize like them, or get flashes of images.

...

Also thanks for everyone who gave me compliments in my inbox I have no clue how to receive them, but I am very grateful (:

[mrsparrasblog]

You're losing me pt.2

pt. 1 pt.3

TW: mention of rape, unprotected sex, drinking, blood, violence, angst

The liquor on his tongue didn’t even burn anymore; too much was already in his system, trying to wash down the events of this day. You were the love of his life, the woman he wanted to marry, even though he didn’t know how it would be legal for you to marry all of them. And now, he lost you. The worst part? He can't even remember how it happened. He felt so disgusted in himself in so many ways—disgusted for breaking your heart. God, your look, how you tried to keep your tears in check, broke him. And then his whole body felt disgusted; it felt like a layer of dirt he couldn’t wash away. He scrubbed and scrubbed, but it didn’t go away; the shame still lingered. It felt like someone had taken something from him, but it was his own fault. He must have said yes and bought those drinks. It was his own fault, he told himself over and over again. Normally, he would talk about this kind of stuff with you; you always knew what to say. But you hated him.

"‚‘nother on’," he said to the barkeeper. This was probably his sixth. Johnny knew how he could handle alcohol; he was never that pissed before to not remember a thing. And there she was, the medic, sitting down next to him.

"Hey, Johnny," she smiled brightly, like she didn’t have any worry in her life.

"I ken a dinnae whit yesterday happened bit tis ne'er aff tae happen again."

"Come on, you enjoyed it yesterday."

"I dinnae remember yesterday."

"What a shame."

He stood up, throwing some pounds on the table, wanting to leave, but she stopped him. "Come on, Johnny. I'll help you forget, make you feel at peace again."

"No."

"Then please, let me invite you for a drink as an apology," she smiled sweetly, pushing the drink towards me. Wait, how had she a drink prepared if she sat only for a minute next to me?

"No."

"Please, a drink won't kill you."

"I said no."

"Just one sip, Johnny, and I'll make you feel good how she never could."

"How come ye're sae persistent fur me tae dram this drink?"

"You're silly, Johnny. I'm just being nice," she looked panicked - weird.

While many people thought of him as someone who is just a silly guy who isn’t able to think properly, you told him all over again that he was so smart, smarter than all of them, if someone would just give him the chance to show. And right now, his brain implanted a sick thought on him. "Dinnae tell me ye put something in mah drink."

Her eyes widened. "Of course not," she mumbled.

"Don't lie to me," his hand immediately went to her throat , choking the truth out of her.

"Knockout drugs," she whispered. She was fighting for air as I let her go; the men in the pub already stood up trying to save the poor woman from getting abused by a man.

"You raped me." His shock hit deep; he always thought something like that wouldn’t happen to him. He was strong and able to protect himself. He was the guy who killed people, the youngest man in the SAS, the guy who beat up an officer because he touched a civi. But now, he was the victim.

"Have fun proving it. No one will believe that a tiny girl like me raped the big bad soldier," she laughed, and screamed for help. "Help, this man doesn’t take no for an answer," He was kicked out of the pub; his face was bloody from all the beating.

All he wanted was to reach you, ask your advice, be in the comfort of your arms, telling him all over again how he is a good man, how he is worth everything and not a dirty soldier. But you didn’t pick up; he came to the realization quickly; that no one would believe him.

**Soap:** Please tell me we used a condom.

**Medic:** ;)

Fuck.

————————————————————————————————-

4 am and you still couldn’t sleep; your head was full of thoughts. Why were you not good enough? Why did he do it? So, you made a thing your friends would kill you for. Calling John, you weren’t sure if he would pick up, but he did.

"What's wrong, love?" Source of habit, he thought.

"Why did you do this, John?" you sobbed.

"I didn't mean for it to happen; it was an accident."

"Then why didn't you say sorry?"

"Love."

"Don't fucking call me love. You cheated on me, and you didn't say sorry. You didn't run after me, you didn't apologize," your sobs broke his heart.

"I'm sorry; it was an accident."

"An accident is making a typo, not sticking your dick in a whore."

"I—"

"I hate you, John. I hate you so much," and you hung up. This wasn’t what you expected. Why doesn’t he feel guilty? Why are you not good enough? Why didn’t Simon say something? Why didn’t Kyle come here? Of course, you broke up, but why don’t they care?

If you only knew how Kyle was, blood-covered in the hospital, too many rookies in his way. How Simon was trying desperately to find Soap to see he didn't drink himself to death, and then he would come to you, he told him self all over again. And how the captain didn't leave his office, not even for food.

And how Soap went into John's office, trying to explain to him the truth, only to see a disarranged office, hands covered in blood after he tried to pick up the liquor he smashed at his wall. He never saw his captain so vulnerable, and if Soap didn’t know better, he would have sworn he saw tears.

"Captain, I—"

"You did already enough, MacTavish. Let me have at least one day to mourn over the loss of the love of my fucking life."

"Captain—"

"LEAVE," and he did, he crawled into his bed, knowing he lost everything in a day, the love of his life, his best friend Kyle, his captain, his pride, and safety, and not even Ghost was there.

[ssilentwitness]

the “methods” ego decides to use, is still (and will ALWAYS be) you.

don’t get me wrong, years ago i was overly obsessed with loa. overly might not even be the right adverb… how about EXTREMELY?🙂

the constant reminding, robotic affirming, visualizing, you name it. I truly thought these methods were the key. What i notice when i’m on twitter, or here on tumblr, a method is SO crucial to some of y’all. but i can’t call yall out TEWW much because I was right in your shoes lmao.

Although I have nothing to do with that community, i will say that your methods are useless to your true self. The methods ARE LITERALLY YOU! So why are you relying on them as if they’re the problem solver?

by popularity, let’s use affirming as an example. “I have $20,000 dollars” or “Bruh I’m broke as hell”. These 2 affirmations might SEEM contrasting, but whichever one you pick, that was your choice. Do you see it now? It was NEVER about the method!! You could affirm once or 1 million times either of those statements (because that’s was affs are) and it’ll immediately be true. You decided that’s what’s going on. So that’s LITERALLY what you’re going to experience. INSTANTLY.

Methods are solely to keep ego in check. Methods are not for you (true self.) They’re not here to make “you” (ego) spiral. You guys need to understand that [your name] is not real. Not in a nihilistic way, but simply because you are aware of it. If you look at “your” hand and notice all the lines and crevices, HOW COULD THAT NOT BE YOU? You EASILY noticed the lines in your hands, your nails, your cuticles with no discourse from ego. Why? because you were simply just aware of them. This is literally why you hear so many success stories on appearance changes!!

It is absolutely impossible for anything to be outside of you. If you are aware of something, and i mean ANY*THING* then how could it not be you? It came from THE SOURCE. YOU. CONSCIOUSNESS!!! EVERYTHING COMES FROM YOU BABE!!!!

to wrap this up, let me just say that I (ego) still use methods till this day. you should too if you want! They’re not REQUIREMENTS. They’re here simply because it’s fun. stop putting the methods on such a pedestal when you are aware of every fucking affirmation. You are aware of every visualization. You are aware of the words that you write in your journal. So if YOU (consciousness) are aware of *said thing* (also consciousness), then how tf could you not already have it? it’s always been yours.

[cosmicdream222]

Welcome ✨

Call me Cosmic. she/her. Millennial.

I blog about manifesting, loa, reality shifting, the void, etc. If that isn’t your cup of tea, peace out 👽 Asks & DMs are open as long as you are kind & respectful but please read through the FAQ before asking anything!

★ About me ★

I started making aff tapes & subliminals for myself & sharing them here on tumblr in the fall of 2023, and began posting on yt in April 2024.

YouTube channel 📌Previous pinned

Void, shifting & loa stuff compiled from others

The void explained in an old reiki book

An interview with a shifter who has been time-leaping since 2001

The void explained by a lucid dreaming instructor

Near-death experience & manifesting

Misc inspiration from loa twitter

More motivation from loa twitter

Just desire, intend & know it's possible

The universe is a giant hologram

You already have it all

Master Shifter Love Remix Series

How shifting works (the whole package)

Shifting is a law - so treat it like one

Shifting is the least special thing in the world

Shifting/manifesting is not your job

You deserve everything you want

Vanilla explains: Past Lives, Death & Afterlives

Resources, Challenges & Methods

DMT breathwork to enter the void

Wake up with your dream life: affirm & relax challenge

EFT tapping script

Manifesting is not a process challenge

What is Psych-k?

The Phase Basics

SSILD for lucid dreaming

Tips for lucid dreaming

Dream life script Google doc template

My OG void concept aff tape

My Void state subs on Google drive

Full desired appearance & beauty sub

Saturating session with my cats

FAQ: Read these before sending a question!

"Can I manifest...?"

YES. It doesn't matter what it is: the answer is always yes. You can manifest anything you want. Anything!

I will no longer be answering any questions about deadlines/time

About me & my personal experiences & successes

The time I entered the void before I knew what the void was

How do you personally manifest?

Have you entered the void?

Backstory about me and this blog

A quick example on affirming to combat negative thoughts

Success: reconnected with sp after 8+ yrs NC

My mom got super fast subliminal results?!

Manifesting/shifting/void 101

What is the state of the wish fulfilled?

A reminder not to create stories around unwanted circumstances

What is the void?

How do we manifest?

States are not a method

Persisting does not mean repetition

How do I persist properly?

Does robotic affirming work?

What is a saturating session?

Is birds before land a thing?

How do I improve my visualization skills?

How can I manifest in a scientifically proven way?

Doubts/fears/troubleshooting

The void is hard for me, any tips?

How can shifting be simple when it’s so hard for me?

Is shifting real?

What happens to my current self after shifting?

When we manifest are we shifting to a new reality?

When I manifest something, will other people see it too?

How long does it take to see results?

How can I stop obsessing about results?

I’m scared I’m abandoning/betraying people in this reality when I shift/enter the void

Why do some people fail?

What am I doing wrong?

I have doubts, what if this doesn’t work?

How do I convince the logical part of myself?

How can I ignore my toxic/negative circumstances?

What should I do if I’m overthinking?

Funnies :)

The affirming carrot

Me not reacting to 3D circumstances like

[analog-autistic]

fake dash with various of my ocs. different “sets” of ocs will be separated with a — for my own sanity

previous oc fake dash (good lort that’s from October. oh my god)

also @fake-post-archive hope you don’t mind me tagging you!! ^^

“🔦 madmandelian” (and all other users in that section) are mandela catalogue ocs! everything else is my own stories)

—

🍨 dex-is-so-fucking-done Follow

>be me

>member of the followers of the light

>im “not perfect” (intersex + autistic) so everyone is shitty

>under 20 so I can’t leave without my parents permission

>ask “too many” questions about things that don’t make sense to me

>they literally sew my mouth shut with magic

what do I do chat

👁️‍🗨️ isuggestvoid Follow

I have a suggestion

🍨 dex-is-so-fucking-done Follow

#i mean????? #what other choices do I have yk. #but also. im scared

☀️ ilovethelight-deactivated Follow

invading children of the ab*ss territory on my own wish me luck

☀️ ilovethelight-deactivated Follow

HELP I FUCKED UP

🦊 totally-normal-hypnotist Follow

lmao

#another one bites the dust. i suppose #i should show this to beetle #the hypnotist’s yips #edit: beetle’s addition to this is “it’s not an invasion if you’re alone and also a dumbass”

—

🔦 madmandelian Follow

Anonymous asked: you really shouldn’t be using “M.A.D.” in such a cutesy and romanticized way, it’s a really serious epidemic :/ especially since I don’t really believe that you have it, because you’ve never posted about it.

breaking news: I don’t want to talk about my wildly debilitating trauma with random internet strangers

#what a shocking revelation #ashleyanswers

🔦 madmandelian Follow

one of my friends says she got a computer virusss!!! everyone place your bets on if it’s a normal virus or if it’s the alternates again

🔦 madmandelian Follow

you’ll never guess what fucking happened

#man in the tv needs to fuck offfffffffff #bitch you have done ENOUGH #computer viruses #mandela daily life #<< such a funny tag #tw alt mention #tw alternate mention

🖤 probably-a-person Follow

i am normal and can be trusted with your home address

🌳 climbing-trees-away-from-my-problems Follow

tree

🖤 probably-a-person Follow

okay! :)

🌳 climbing-trees-away-from-my-problems Follow

what does this mean

🌳 climbing-trees-away-from-my-problems Follow

hello?? it’s been like a week what do you mean by this

🌳 climbing-trees-away-from-my-problems Follow

HELLO??

#HI! HI! #IT LITERALLY JUST STARED AT ME FOR LIKE 5 HOURS TILL I PASSED OUT #AND THEN IT DISAPPEARED!!! #I DONT KNOW IF ITS STILL IN MY HOUSE OR NOT!! #tw alternates #tw alternate #cw alternates #cw alternate

—

🎊 sparkledog-partygod Follow

watching over my lil sister for a bit (simon) (god of chaos u kno her) and. zomg girl u r fucked UP /aff

🃏 simonsays Follow

there is nothing wrong with playing touys . :(

🎊 sparkledog-partygod Follow

hoomans aren’t toyz

ur “simon says”-ing them to kill eachother in increasingly grotesque wayz

🃏 simonsays Follow

can’t a girl have some whimsy around here

#i do still mean that affectionately. ur my lil sister i love you #<< awww thanks :3 #simon says: read my post

💀 vultured-cultured Follow

quick question for older forest spirits: is there a way for me to get piercings??

if it helps, im a vulture skull ^^

👻 respect-the-elders-deactivated

You should not get piercings AT ALL! It is blasphemy against The Great Forest Deity and worship of the Deities Of Rebellion!

💀 vultured-cultured Follow

get off the internet grandpa

💀 vultured-cultured Follow

LMAO bro deactivated

#i am saying something

👾 rawrierawr Follow

help i wanna worship god of parties but my parents are the worst and won’t let me do anything what do

🎊 sparkledog-partygod Follow

dw bestie I’ll smite them fur u X3

👾 rawrierawr Follow

HUH

#hello??? god of partying themself reblogged my post?????? #sure ??? #rawring into the void

[spaceagebachelormann]

More Jack Harkness PLEASE. I don’t even know what to ask cause I’ll read anything. Also you’re fantastic.

☆ — dating jack harkness headcannons

✧ masterlist — navigation

✧ carmillas thoughts — AUGHHH my stupid wife i love him so much. i’m gonna be so fr i’ve wanted doctor who (and star trek but that’s a long shot) requests for freaking ever but both fandoms are dead as balls so thank u i heart u apologies for taking ages to write this. like always this can be read as both doctor who and/or torchwood jack

✧ warnings — none!

despite the fact he always has something sexual to say he has his own little moments where he’s really sweet and affectionate in a way that doesn’t involve being freaky

he’s a very touchy person, because after being alive for so long due to his immorality he’s gotten used to everyone he loves dying/leaving at some point and just like holding your hand or just having his arm around you or just physical touch in any way is something he really loves

other than touch, jack is also very vocal about telling you how much he loves you and how amazing you are at any time and just everything he can possibly compliment he probably will sooner than later

his memory is also pretty good and he’ll remember important dates and information about you or things you’re interested in and will probably just have some general information about them in his head cause he’s secretly a loser nerd (/aff) and he’ll be happy to just have long conversations with you about any topics you’re interested in

his favourite topic to discuss is probably history though, since he’s lived through part of it and could time travel for awhile before the doctor stopped him from being able to do that, and can tell you all kinds of stories and talk about famous historical people and so many things

god forbid you guys go to a museum of any kind because he will start pointing out all of the inaccuracies and how a lot of the information was wrong or how “he/she didn’t look like that” or “that’s not what happened”

museum dates are probably his favourite though because you guys get to hang out and look at times he saw first hand and he gets to talk about them (he will stop if you get bored though. probably)

also, he will start the relationship with a general amount of knowledge about you but overtime will slowly start to notice little things you do, like which hand you use more often or mannerisms and will be able to pick up on if you need him to step in almost immediately

by analyzing everything you do subconsciously (it kinda just happens because he likes to look at you while you’re doing whatever. he finds you very interesting!) he also figures out what things you like/don’t like from other people and incorporates those into how he acts

because he works at torchwood he just becomes good at reading body language and facial expressions after awhile

as we’ve noticed, he doesn’t really have a specific type in people (other than men in suits apparently. he was kinda crazy over both ianto and the doctor) but i do think he’s drawn to people who are either aesthetically/personality-like different from him

being with someone who acts the opposite is just interesting to him because then it’s always like a fun surprise, alt he he still wouldn’t mind if his partner was like him because than it’s very easy to understand eachother

i genuinely think jack doesn’t care what people look like (as we’ve learned. that episode with chan tho) but will clock literally anyone who says anything about his partner and is not above pointing things about their appearance back

i feel like he’d want you to meet the torchwood five (four. not including him obviously) because those are his friends who he sees everyday. not to mention hes gotten freaky with them all

the doctor, however, i feel like he may be opposed to because the doctor kind of just abandoned him even though he knew jack was immortal and just kind of tends to hurt his companions/people he’s around unintentionally but with some light pushing he’d probably give in

by give in i mean he’s like “if we run into him sure” but he won’t outwardly search for him so you guys can meet (probably)

dates are really fun with him because it’s always either something normal and romantic or something absolutely insane that no regular human being will have thought of

there’s a good chance he gets his time travelling watch thing i forgot the name of fixed and you guys just go to the 1800s for a day or something

also he’s the type of guy to be allergic to the most random shit please keep him away from aluminum foil

[elmuvahva]

let me talk about leo and donnie’s matching clothes pLEASE

plus a lil bit of mikey and raph near the end :>

so we all know the obvious ones like in ‘repairin’ the baron’ and in ‘man vs sewer’

but i want to talk about the little things hehe. starting with the two mentioned above anyways lmaooo

yes they’re matching but i love the little differences they add on. leo wears a blue undershirt, fully going ride or die with his blue theme, while donnie goes for a white undershirt for a more classic look.

i think that says a lil but about their characters and how they thought to present themselves to april’s mum (who they thought they were meeting). they both wanted to look good hence the stunning matching outfits, but leo also wanted to be himself (hence the blue undershirt), compared to donnie who wanted to appeal to april’s mother (hence the more classic look with the white).

in man vs sewer, they are both wearing the singlet and board short combo, however leo opts for simplicity and ‘laidbackness’ keeping the bare minimum and keeping his shirt loose and untucked. donnie on the other hand goes further and adds the extra decorative shirt to really hammer home the ‘i’m not a useful member of society’ and the holiday/break vibes he’s trying so hard to feel. he also chooses to tuck his shirt in, which i think is just a personal stylistic choice, one which extenuates and shows off the board shorts more and one which mirrors his belt that’s a part of his usual outfit.

now onto snow day :>

at a brief glance it doesn’t seem like they’re matching but you’d be wRONG! they’re wearing the same shoes, pants and scarf, however they choose different jackets and headgear according to their personal tastes (i also wanna point out how donnie’s pants are more boxy/puffy at the bottom to fit with his whole rectangle theme, while leo’s are tucked in firmly, providing a more angular/triangular look).

leo chose a sirius black looking leather jacket bc why wouldn’t he lmaooo. it very much screams leo in the sense of his faceman attitude and his ‘confidence.’ he also chose a beanie which provides a more hippie, laidback and cool vibe.

donnie, ever the nerd, matches his jacket and headwear, as they both have the light purple fluff. donnies jacket is also much more practical and feels like something you’d see skii-ers (how tf do you spell that), hikers and snow-bikers wear. he’s also wearing the ugliest fucking hat /lh that’s reminiscent of what those occupations also wear.

so what we can take away from this is that leo will look cool whatever the weather and donnie will dress for the practicality of the occasion.

now in the clothes dont make the turtle there are A LOT of matching outfits, not just from donnie and leo, for example, in the images above, all the boys are wearing classic black suits with white button downs, however they all style them differently.

i’d also like to note the slight differences on the collars of the suit jackets (leo and donnie’s are matching, mikey’s is more rounded with a lil point and raph’s mirrors his spikes).

they all style their suits differently by using different ties. leo goes for a black and blue striped tie, which i think showcases his sense of style and his playfulness in comparison to raph, who decides to play it safe with a classic one-toned tie.

mikey goes for a cute bowtie bc why wouldn’t he he’s adorable, and it also fits in with him being the youngest and ‘the baby’, as bowties are most commonly worn by kids.

donnie decides to completely forego the tie altogether bc he doesn’t need it, he’s already stunning 😩 lmao but i actually think he’s just really playing into his emotionally unavailable bad boy image.

there’s also these matching monstrosities for god knows what reason

and it’s not super matchy, but raph and leo also both rock the singlet under the open button down shirt (though the colours are swapped and leo pops the collar causes he’s an idiot /aff)

and lastly!! these outfits. now at first glance, you’re probably thinking ‘elva what the fuck are you going on about’ BUT just hear me out!!

they both have ripped aspects to their outfits, leo’s at the shoulders and donnie’s at the waist. it’s obviously not an intentional match but i think they just subconsciously did it :>

they’re also both wearing head accessories, though in totally different styles (leo with his backwards cap to look ‘cool’ while donnie adorns a beanie to complete his LA hipster vibe)

ugh i’ve met the image limit for this post so here’s the link to the post that continues my rambling lolol

[aoioozora]

Simon.

Part 13

Chapters Masterlist

Character: Simon Riley / Ghost Content: Biker! Ghost x Fem! Reader, strangers to lovers, fluff, civilian au TW: Gaslighting Note: Drama, drama, drama, but happy ending to this part. Enjoy ;)

Gaz and Johnny could not believe what they were hearing. 

“Mate…” Gaz sighed exasperatedly and put his head in his hands after Simon had told him and Johnny about what happened between him and ____.

“Yer a fuckin’ eejit!” Johnny spoke what was on his and Gaz’s mind and didn’t hesitate to slap Simon right across the head, something that only his long-standing friendship gave him the privilege of doing without being slapped right back.

Three days had passed since the first day of Simon’s fever and he had recovered from it enough to visit the pub with his two friends for a conference. It evidently wasn’t going well so far. 

“Was I wrong to tell her to go out with Alejandro?” asked Simon who was in between them, sitting at the counter, not angry with Johnny at all for the smack he received. 

“Aff course, ye absolute fuckin’ lemon!” Johnny shook his head, “Ye shouldnae said that!”

“Cut him some slack,” said Gaz to Johnny, grabbing Simon’s shoulder, “He’s literally never interacted with women before.”

Ouch. However true it was, Simon did not want to be reminded of his incompetence.

“Tha’ doesnae mean he should let her go!” Johnny brandished his arms angrily in protest, and the two shushed him when the other pub-goers side-eyed him. Johnny took a hasty gulp of his beer and lowered his voice to an annoyed whisper, “How daft can he be?!” 

Gaz turned to Simon. “Why did you even tell her that?”

He ruffled his hair, embarrassed. “Thought Alejandro would be a better fit for her.”

“How so?” Johnny demanded.

Simon pulled up Alejandro’s Instagram and showed it to them. “He’s a handsome lad, this one. Why would anyone not want him? Look, he’s a model too. And what am I? A bloody blue-collar car mechanic.”

They did agree that Alejandro was handsome, but Johnny grabbed Simon’s shoulder. “Aye, he’s good-looking, but ye cannae choose fer her now, right? What if she likes a bloody blue-collar car mechanic and no’ a model, huh?”

Gaz pursed his lips and sighed, sitting back against the bar stool, thinking about how hurt she must’ve been, even more so after he encouraged her. “You fucked up, Simon,” was all he could manage to put into words. 

Simon silently stared at the sweating glass of water in front of him that was turning lukewarm. Three days of awkwardness had passed already. If he let this tarry any longer, his relationship with her could turn lukewarm too.

“What do I do?” he muttered helplessly, running a hand through his hair, “I don’t want her involved with me,” he lowered his voice to a whisper, “I’m an ex-criminal. Who in the bloody hell wants to be with me?”

“She does, clearly,” Gaz interjected confidently. 

Simon was reminded of how sweet she was to him even after he bared his soul to her and revealed his blood-stained past; of how she came immediately to care for him when he was sick. And he hurt her, thinking that he was doing her a service. His shoulders slumped and his head bowed over his glass of water, feeling the guilt weigh on him.

Johnny and Gaz silently watched Simon rub a hand over his face, groaning under his breath. Gaz’s eyes flickered to Johnny, and he detected a trace of pity in his grimace. 

“Ye wanna ken whit tae dae?” Johnny began, now shifting in his seat. His two friends looked up at him. “Since ye told her tae go out with Alejandro tae her face, ye should go right back tae her and ask her no’ tae go out with him but with ye.” He paused for a moment, “an’ while yer at it, maybe ask her tae be yer actual girlfriend so this won’t happen again.”

“But what if she doesn’t accept? What if she already accepted Alejandro?” Simon asked.

“I don’t think she will,” Gaz spoke before Johnny did, trying to sound confident. In reality, he didn’t know her well enough to predict what she would do, whether or not she would be petty and try to get back at Simon for hurting her by going out with Alejandro. He hoped that would not happen and that she wasn’t that sort of person. 

Johnny was surprisingly silent, letting the calmer Gaz speak some sense to their thick-skulled best friend. When the two were silent and Simon was left pondering to himself, he said, “Ye should go and dae it now. Don’ waste time.”

Simon nearly opened his mouth to say that he didn’t feel ready to just get up and go, but that would only elicit a negative response from his friends. And he especially didn’t want Johnny to keep calling him a pussy.

He let out a laboured sigh as he rose. “I’ll be back,” he said reluctantly, pulling out his skull mask from his pocket and putting it on.

Johnny took a slower sip of his pint. “Only come back here if it all goes tae shit,” he said.

Gaz offered Simon a reassuring smile and a firm clap to the back. “You got this mate, go on now.”

And Simon did.

___: Hey, about the date ___: I’m sorry, I don’t think I’m interested ✔️ Read 11:32 AM

She sighed as she returned her phone to her back pocket and shifted her heavy grocery bag to her other hand, trudging slowly and thoughtfully down the pavements.

She just couldn’t accept a date with Alejandro, especially not when she adored Simon. But it was too late for her now; Simon didn’t want to go to the family reunion, which automatically meant that she wouldn’t have to go either.

She hadn’t yet told all this to Lindsey, knowing she would not hesitate to fight Simon for saying such a thing. She wanted to try and talk to Simon again, to tell him that she wasn’t going out with Alejandro, and that she wanted to go to the reunion with him so that he could keep his promise with his mother.

Just as she reached her hand to her back pocket, someone’s repeated honking in her direction made her turn back. She saw a helmeted man on a motorcycle pull up next to her and didn’t recognize him until he took off his helmet.

“Simon!” she exclaimed, feeling a painful flutter in her chest at the sight of his face, “How come you’re here?”

“I was… uh… I was just going to the book cafe,” he muttered an excuse, “and I happened to see you. Where are you coming from?”

She held up her bag of groceries. “From the grocery store.”

He paused for a moment, feeling the awkward tension in the air. “Can I drop you home?” he offered quietly, seeing how heavy the grocery bag looked.

“Um, sure,” she nodded, realising how long it had been since she last rode on his motorcycle.

He put his helmet back on, and she got on the pillion right behind him. Pulling back out onto the road, he began to cruise and slip past the traffic like a lizard. She held onto him, even though he went slow. She missed the familiar scent of the rainforest cologne and found herself pressing herself a little further against him, just to inhale another whiff that took her back to when they met first. 

Her moving closer and her arms tightening around his waist stirred a strong feeling of protectiveness and desire in him. He just wanted to set things right with her, and he was determined.

His breath got a little heavy with anticipation when he pulled up at the entrance of the apartment complex she stayed in. She got off, and so did he, saying that he wanted to walk her to her door just to make sure she was protected and safe throughout. The lady was in agony; his kindness to her was making her wound worse. “Don’t raise my hopes now, Simon…” she thought to herself.

When the doors of the lift opened, to their surprise, Alejandro stepped out. He saw Simon and ____ standing together, and fighting back a sneer, smiled at them. The corners of Simon’s lips stayed where they were, and his gaze hardened on Alejandro. 

“Alejandro, why didn’t you reply to my text? Is everything okay?” she asked immediately.

Her eagerness made Simon grimace for a split second. Alejandro cast a glance at Simon and then smiled at ____. “I’m really sorry nena, I was pretty busy today,” he said, “Speaking of which, I wanted to talk to you about it. Can I borrow you for a moment if you’re not busy?”

“You’re not taking my girlfriend anywhere.” interjected Simon, “If you have anything to say to her, I’d like to hear it too.”

Alejandro scoffed. “Who are you to decide for her? You’re not even her real boyfriend, are you?”

Simon clenched his jaw and glared at Alejandro. She told him? Was that intentional too? Did she tell him that her relationship with Simon was fake so that it would give Alejandro an opportunity to strike? His anger boiled over at this point, both at her and him.

____ gulped harshly, mentally berating herself for forgetting to tell Simon that Alejandro figured out their little game of pretend. A glance at Simon told her that he was definitely not pleased to hear it. 

Simon grunted, not wanting to distress her by making a fuss. “Fine,” he relented and stepped back.

Alejandro smirked and led her aside to a far corner of the lobby where they could talk. Simon kept himself nearby, watching.

As soon as Alejandro ensured that he was a safe distance from Simon’s keen ears, he turned to ____, only to find her nervously and worriedly glancing at Simon. He put an index finger against her jaw and turned her face to look at him.

“Tell me nena, why don’t you want to go out with me?” he asked, letting his finger linger against her jaw before pulling it away. 

She pursed her lips. “Because I’m not interested. I like Simon,” she answered firmly.

“Are you sure about him?” he asked, resisting the urge to glance at Simon. “Does he like you back?”

Was she sure about him? Did Simon like her back? The thought of his grimy past came to mind, and the possible dangers of associating with him, and the fact that Simon himself encouraged her to go out with Alejandro. She stood there, her fist clenched tight around her grocery bag, struggling to decide. 

She opened her mouth, saying shakily, “I don’t know if he likes me back, but I like him, and I have no feelings for you. I’m sorry.”

Alejandro let out a soft sigh, but he wasn’t discouraged. “Again, are you sure? Because I think he looks like he could hurt you. He might be nice right now but who knows what he could be later on. That scar on his face is really telling. He could just be a criminal, you know.”

She glared at him like he had insulted her. “Don’t talk like you know him,” she said sharply.

He shook his head. “I’m sorry, sweetheart,” he apologised, “But you can’t deny he has the air of one, can you? He looks dangerous, and I’m just looking out for you.”

She would’ve been swayed by him if it weren’t for her deep seated feelings for Simon. “He does, but I still like him anyway. Besides, he’s always been nice to me by looking out for my safety,” she answered, now starting to get annoyed by his persuasion. 

He scoffed. “Looking out for your safety,” he echoed, “What if it’s a case of him being so overprotective of you that he doesn’t let you choose which man is good for you?”

She rolled her eyes. She knew that was far from who Simon was. “Alejandro,” she warned, her voice sharper than before, “I know him better than you, so stop talking like you know him. I don’t like you talking badly of him.”

“Is a man not allowed to express his feelings now?” He crossed his arms.

Her annoyance was only growing more and more. “You know that’s not what I meant,” the sharpness in her voice had an added coldness to it.

Alejandro inwardly cursed at how obstinate she was. “Look nena, this is your last chance. I can probably care for you much better than he can. Why do you want to miss out and like him?” The hint of disdain couldn’t help but slip out of his friendly tone.

“I don’t think it’s right or fair to go out with you when I have feelings for someone else,” she said, taking a deep breath to keep herself from snapping. “I like Simon. End of story.”

Alejandro stood up straight and sighed. “Your loss, sweetheart.” Stepping back, he wished her a good night and strode right out of the lobby and out into the street. 

When he was out of sight, she shook her head wearily. One thing after another. At least she shook him off now, but she couldn’t shake off her anger at how he looked down on Simon. Sighing, she raised her eyes back to the man himself, who was still standing by the lift, arms crossed and foot perched up the wall he was leaning against, glaring at the floor. She went back to him.

“You have a nice chat, darling?” he asked through his teeth. 

“Yeah,” she said with a sigh as she pressed the lift button.

Their thoughts wandered in the deafening silence, and were interrupted by the “ding!” of the lift door opening. When they reached her floor, he escorted her to her door and both of them stood there, hesitating.

“Do you want to come in for a bit?” she asked, “You’ve never come over before, have you?”

He nodded in agreement, breathing heavily and mentally preparing himself. He tensely watched her unlock the door and enter, beckoning him inside. He stepped in, taking off his trainers as he watched her shadow move about the foyer. The click of a light switch resounded in the thick silence, and a white light glowed over the two of them as if they were in an interrogation room.

“Do you like Alejandro?” he blurted out in desperation, unable to hold back anymore. He knew he asked her that on the camping evening around the fire, but he wasn’t sure anymore.

“No!” she exclaimed, saying with some force, “I don’t like him.”

He stared at her, his breath heavy again. His lower lip trembled. “Then why did you reveal to him that our relationship was fake?”

“I didn’t. He figured it out,” she replied, her pitch rising slightly in anxiety.

He paused, inhaling once more. “Did you want to go out with him?” he asked.

“No, I didn’t, I just…”

“Then why did you say ‘I’ll let you know’ when he asked you out? Why was it not a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’?” he demanded earnestly, taking a step forward.

Her brows furrowed and she took a step back. He saw the flicker of fear and unease in her eyes and stepped back immediately, giving her space. “Did you not want to go to the reunion with me?” he added.

“I thought you didn’t want to go.”

“I don’t!” he ran a hand through his hair, “I promised my mum I’d bring over my “girlfriend” and I thought… it’d be more bearable to be there if you’re around.” He rounded back to his question, “Did you or did you not want to go with me?”

“I did want to go,”

“Then why didn’t you give Alejandro a proper ‘no’ to him asking you out?”

She hesitated. “Why do you care about that, Simon?”

“Because I like you!”

She stared at him, stunned by his outburst. He exhaled and pursed his lips, feeling his cheeks flush both with embarrassment and exertion.

“I like you,” he repeated softly, his shoulders dropping and his hands hanging by his sides as if in surrender, “I want you. I want you to go out with me, not that bastard.” He added angrily, “He’s an odd bloke, that one! I’ve always felt that way.”

Odd was right. “I guess so. He was trying to persuade me to go out with him,” she replied, “trying to get me to choose him over you…” her voice trailed off, “but I didn’t choose him.”

Simon felt his knees turn into jelly. “Who do you choose then?” he asked breathily, swallowing harshly, feeling his mouth go dry, his heart speed up, and his palms sweaty.

“You, Simon. I like you too.”

He stood there dumbfounded for a moment, staring at her, unable to believe his ears. He was almost waiting for her to say “Just kidding!” and call it a day. But she didn’t open her mouth. Her nervous fiddling with her fingers and her averted gaze as she waited for his answer was all he needed to know.

A grin broke his tense face. “Fucking hell,” he chuckled, leaning his back against the front door, legs weak but utterly relieved. He covered his face in his hands, continuing to chuckle. “Fuck me,” came a soft, muffled, but happy exclamation, “I thought you didn’t like me at all.”

She stepped closer to him, a relieved smile gracing her tired face. “I liked you for a long time,” she admitted, “Ever since you saved me that night.”

His eyes softened. “Me too,” he exhaled, feeling the relief wash over him a hundred times over at those words. 

But it evaporated slightly when a look of worry flashed across her face, making his brows furrow slightly in confusion. “There’s just one thing I’m worried about,” she began.

“What is it, darling?”

“I won’t be in any danger if I’m with you, right? I mean, with the gang you were with. They won’t find us for whatever reason and hurt us or anything, right?” 

He grimaced. It was a genuine concern. “I’ll be honest. I don’t know if they’re hunting me down or not, and maybe they are, maybe they aren’t. When I was arrested, I willingly shared gang secrets to the police. I don’t know what they did with that information, but it’s likely they used it to catch a few of the other gang members. And I don’t know if there are any remaining.” 

He paused, feeling an ache in his heart at the sight of the fear in her eyes. He cursed himself for not rethinking his decisions. He inhaled and tried to assure her, “But don’t worry. They usually keep themselves within territories and don’t venture outside of it carelessly. We’re not far from London, but we’re far enough to not be in their territory. They’ve not come once for me all these years, so there’s nothing to fret about.”

Partial relief was evident on her face, even though the fear lingered. He gently took her hand in his, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Even if they come for either of us, I’ll protect you. I won’t let them lay a finger on you. I’ll break their bones if they even try,” he said firmly. “No one will touch you and get away with it, so you have nothing to worry about, alright?” 

She chuckled, nodding. “Please, don’t break anyone’s bones. I don’t want you going to prison again.”

He smiled. “Then I’ll let you decide what you want me to do with anyone who hurts you.”

The two exchanged chuckles and grins, and Simon, feeling an overwhelming sense of adoration and love for her, raised her hand and kissed her knuckles. She smiled widely at the chivalrous act, blushing and feeling jittery. 

“That being said…” he lowered her hand, pleased to see her reaction, “would you come with me to the reunion as my real girlfriend?”

She giggled. “Real smooth of you, Simon.”

“What can I say,” he bragged, “I know a woman’s heart very well.” As if Gaz and Johnny didn’t agree that he was inexperienced with women. 

She burst into a fit of giggles at that joke, and he smirked triumphantly. “Were you able to make her laugh this hard, Alejandro? Don’t think so,” he thought to himself, remembering how angry she looked talking to the man. 

He watched her laugh, feeling his affection for her grow stronger and deeper. His thumb absentmindedly rubbed against her fingers as he asked softly, “What will it be, my love?”

“I’ll go with you,” she declared with a lovely smile, “as your real girlfriend.”

End of Part 13.

Part 14

Oof finally 13 parts later, they are dating LMAO. Reunion chapter is next.

--

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[h2llish]

for your event may i please request "white camelia" with a singular deuce spade pretty please 🙏

✉ ─── 200 follower event ♡ deuce spade

prompt ─── white camelia: they love you ─ adore you even. but they've always thought you see them as nothing more than a friend. which is why they're confused when they're friends seem to believe otherwise ─ wait what do they mean they're going to play matchmaker?

warnings ─ fluff, pining, gender neutral, lowercase intended, ace slander /aff, not proofread (i just really wanted to post it)

deuce admired the prefect. ─ they have gone up against, and survived, several overblots, managed to handle whatever the headmage dumped on them, and always kept calm in situations when everyone around them often panicked or argued. ─ they did their best in class, making up for their lack of magic with how often they studied, always coming out with good grades and high scores (better than what he or ace often get).

deuce appreciates the prefect. ─ they listened to him when he admitted how much trouble he often got into and how much it hurt his mom. they didn't tease him when he had trouble understanding something for a class, and even offered to tutor him if they thought they could help. and when the prefect is always there to greet him after track, holding out a water bottle with a smile on their face.

deuce likes the prefect. ─ they're a friend he's gotten rather close to. he likes when they laugh, and he likes being someone they're comfortable with. he likes when they lean against him and doze off because they know they can trust him. and he likes when they make time to spend with him (even when there's plenty of other people who could probably be a lot more fun to hang around).

─ and deuce has come to understand his feelings for the prefect may not fall under the feelings of friends anymore.

deuce has never had a crush ─ he's never quite been close to anyone before. ─ except for maybe that time he had a crush on another kid in elementary school; but could that really count? he was only a kid, and he really only liked the way they drew the rabbits they were always doodling at lunch.

he spent the majority of his life before night raven college getting into trouble, picking fights, skipping classes, and living up to a lot of rumors that spread around town. he didn't have relationships with anyone so close that he could gain romantic feelings. ─ the people he did choose to hang out with could hardly be called friends, and were mostly just people who enabled his behavior.

which is why he was so slow to realize his own feelings for the ramshackle prefect. ─ it took some teasing from ace to realize what his feelings really were for the prefect. and even after realizing, he wasn't quite sure what to do. ─ and he wasn't going to take advice from ace, of all people, who offered to help for a price, because he seemed to think he was such an expert on the subject of relationships snd feelings (he's not).

but deuce knew what he wasn't going to do ─ act on his feelings.

his friendship with the prefect of ramshackle was just that, a friendship. they were one of his closest friends, and he's sure they see him as nothing more than that.

deuce thought he was doing quite well at hiding his feelings for the prefect. ─ he believed that between himself, only one person knew, and that was ace, who was the whole reason he realized he had feelings for you.

but, thanks to his friends, he's come to realize that he was very wrong ─ and that he was very obvious. ─ and very hopeless (ace's words).

deuce thinks he's quite content sitting back and letting his feelings fester ─ or at least, that's what he thought, that is, until his friends told him his feelings couldn't be more obvious. and he wondered ─ if his friends (and everyone else, according to ace) knew about his feelings, did that mean, you too were aware? and if that was the case, did that mean you had chosen not to acknowledge him? was this an indirect rejection to his feelings he never actually intended to reveal to you?

oh, he believes he could dig himself a hole and stay there for the rest of his life. at least then he wouldn't have to deal with whatever feeling was digging at his chest and forcing him to make up all these scenarios of your rejection towards him in his thoughts. scenarios of how you must've reacted upon discovering his feelings for you that (he believed) you didn't return.

but it seems his rather troubled gang of fellow first years expected this spiral as they reassured him, that you probably didn't know anything.

"the prefect's pretty busy," jack had said, shrugging almost nonchalantly that deuce was a little jealous (it's much better then the panic he felt).

and epel agreed with the beastman, "i don't think they have ever even thought about something like this happening. they've never hinted at noticing anything!"

"yeah, they're pretty clueless about it," ace sighed, hands tucked into his pockets and looking at deuce with a grin that screamed teasing. "makes you guys a perfect match, doesn't it?"

deuce scowled at him (as much as he could through his fingers that had covered his face after his friends revealed the news about his rather obvious feelings to him), grumbling behind his hand at the heart, "shut up, ace."

ace rolled his eyes, untucking his hands from his pockets to throw an arm around deuce's shoulders, "quit worrying, juice! i can guarantee [name] feels the same!"

deuce lowered his hands from his face just enough that he was only covering his nose, eyes narrowed on ace. he ignored the nickname, instead asking, "and how do you know that for sure?"

"you're not the only one close to them, ya know?" ace scoffed, patting deuce's shoulder and sending him a smug smirk. "they totally like you back!"

taking ace's word was not something deuce did ─ after all, it was ace who often got them into trouble. and he was sure that if you were here, you would have a humbling comment to throw back at ace, reminding him of everything he put their group through. and how believing anything he said might just end up with them in more trouble.

but this was different; and he can't help but feel a little hopeful at the thought that ace was right. ─ that you hadn't indirectly rejected him and did indeed feel the same.

a clap on the back and deuce was back to glaring at his dormmate.

"it's alright, we know you're helpless, which is why we're going to offer you our help!" ace announced, and deuce is pretty sure he heard epel mumble a wait what, before ace contined, "you'll be dating the prefect in no time, deuce!"

"what." deuce said, and jack and epel's voice joined his, the three of then staring incredulously at the boy.

deuce knew he shouldn't have followed along with whatever ace had planned. ─ he's not sure what he expected when ace called for sebek and ortho to meet in jack's dorm, where he introduced to them his, deuce + [name] setup to a happy couple plan (yes, that was the name, and yes, epel teased ace).

"this seems...." jack trailed, eyeing the whiteboard (they don't know where ace got it).

"stupid." epel bluntly finished.

"i think it seems fun!" ortho chirped, hands locked in front of him and eyes practically shining at the thought of playing matchmaker.

sebek looked at whiteboard with a grimace, as if having trouble understanding any of it, (and no one could blame, the plan or rather plans, wasn't exactly... foolproof). he finally added his own thoughts, voice carrying strongly, as it always did, "i fail to see how any of this will help deuce court the prefect. it reminds me of a game ortho has spoken about."

ace sighed loudly, throws his arms up dramatically, "you're all clueless!"

words of protest followed his insult, but he ignored them in favor of turning to the reason for this chaos. "come on, deuce! don't listen to them, it's perfect!"

deuce frowned, eyeing the whiteboard of ideas with uncertainty.

"besides! who would you rather listen to," ─he gestured towards epel and the others,─ "guys who have never been in a relationship," ─ he gestured back to himself, proudly, ─ "or me, who has!"

"you mean that relationship with the girl you didn't actually like, and only lasted for so long?" epel snarked, rolling his eyes with a smug smirk at the heart.

"shut up, epel."

attempt number one: flowers!

"now here," ace pushed a bunch of roses into deuce's hands, forcing him to stumble on his feet for a moment before straightening out and glancing at the bunch of flowers. something about them seemed off, and it wasn't just the poorly cut thorns. "give them to the prefect. simple, right?"

deuce has to agree that it was simple.

"and then what?" deuce asked.

"uh," ace paused, "just figure it out from there!"

"what─"

"here they come!"

and deuce was quickly pushed away and onto the path leading up to the dorm, while ace quickly ran off to leave him to his own. with a deep breath, deuce squeezed the stems in his hands and approached you. when you noticed him, you smiled, and deuce felt his hands clam up even more.

"hey deuce!"

"hi, prefect." deuce greeted rather shyly, forcing himself to hold out the roses in his hands for you to take. you paused at his actions, glancing down at the flowers curiously.

"are they for me?"

"yes, um─"

"Ace!" there was a familiar yell that quickly had deuce tensing up. he turned to find his dormmate running towards him with an angry heartslabyul housewarden on his tail. and when riddle seemed to notice deuce, his eyes met the flowers in his hands, and somehow his face managed to get even more red. and that's when deuce realized ─

oh, he's in so much trouble.

ace passed him, latching onto the spade's wrist and beginning to pull him along, forcing the roses to scatter, leaving you standing there amidst it all, looking very confused.

failed.

"okay, so that didn't go as planned."

"you were collared for a week." epel scoffed, arms crossed over his chest as he sent ace an unamused look.

"a minor setback." ace shrugged off, waving his hand at the boy as he turned to the whiteboard of ideas. he placed his hands on his hips and nodded, as if he had any idea what he was doing, "it's all a part of the plan."

jack and epel exchanged a glance, looking back at deuce who was slouching on jack's bed with his face in his hands. ortho stood beside him, patting the spade on the back in an attempt to comfort him.

attempt number two: lunch.

"all you have to do, is ask them to eat with you." ace explained, while an exasperated epel rolled his eyes at the heart.

deuce furrowed his brows at the boy, "but we always eat lunch together?"

ace sighed, "i mean with just the two of you."

"oh." deuce nodded, but paused, "what about grim?"

"we'll come over to take him away when you guys make it to the cafeteria!"

from around the corner, ortho and sebek joined them, quickly announcing that you were making your way to the cafeteria. ace gave deuce a pat on the back, saying a few encouraging words (that weren't actually all that encouraging), before pushing him on to confront you, while he and the rest of the first years continued on to the cafeteria.

deuce sighed, but gathered whatever courage he might have as he began down the hall in search of you. and it didn't take long to find you, as ortho and sebek said, you were already on your way to the cafeteria.

"hey deuce!" you greeted as you and grim spotted the boy making his way towards you. grim looked between the two of you with an annoyed frown, not happy at the pause to get food.

"hi, prefect," deuce cleared his throat; all he was doing was aking you to have lunch, but the reasoning behind such a question made him nervous, and he had to refrain from wrinkling his clothes in a nervous habit of pulling at them.

just ask, "would you like to have lunch together?" at your puzzled expression, deuce managed to add, "just between us?"

you paused, but seemed to understand what he meant as a smile took over your face and you nodded, "of course─"

but before you could finish, your name was called, and you turned to find the reason. the headmage approached you with his ever-familiar smile, arms held out as he stopped just before you, deuce, and grim. "hello, prefect, i hate to drag you away from your lunch," ─ you all know that wasn't true ─ "but there is an urgent matter i need your help with. please meet me in my office."

you frowned as he walked off, giving you no time to protest or reply as he marched in the direction of his office.

"but what about lunch!" grim cried, "i'm hungry!"

you sighed, turning to deuce, "sorry, deuce. do you think you can take grim with you?"

despite feeling the disappointment settle, deuce still nodded, doing his best to give you a reassuring smile, "of course, [prefect]! i'll make sure he eats."

"thank you." you smiled at him, before turning in the direction the headmage went, leaving grim with deuce.

deuce sighed, shoulders slumping as he turned the opposite of you with grim at his side to return to the cafeteria.

upon reuniting with the others, he only had to tell them the headmage called for you, for them to understand that this too, was another failed attempt.

failed.

"so that didn't work out either," ace said, hand to his chin as they were all once again gathered in jack's dorm room, staring at the whiteboard of plans, with lunch and flowers crossed out.

"we didn't account for the headmage!" ortho said, the only one in the group genuine in accepting and following ace's plan (aside from deuce, who doesn't understand why he's going along with it at all). "perhaps we should try a different idea!" the young shroud moved closer to the board, eyeing the details, before pointing at one of the plans. "perhaps this one!"

ace clapped his hands together, "great idea!"

epel sighed and jack shook his head, while sebek eyed the board, nodding along as ace turned to them to explain the new plan.

attempt number three: sleepover!

epel and jack have decided this might be one of the worst plans on the board, and deuce thinks he might just agree with them. ─ planning a sleepover with their group of friends, only for everyone but deuce to suddenly call and bail? deuce isn't quite sure what ace was thinking when he put the plan on the board, or what ortho was thinking when he pointed it out.

but despite his and the other's reservation, they still found themselves putting the plan in motion.

"well," you sighed, stretching back on the couch of the dorm, the one they used their thaumarks from vil to buy after the sdc, and smiling at the spade who sat on the floor and leaned back against the coffee table. "guess it's just us, huh deuce?"

"yeah, i guess so," deuce quietly agreed, wondering if the way his face heated up was noticeable (he really likes your smile).

grim had decided to eat through all the tuna you had bought him and fall into a food coma back in your room, and with the others having bailed on what you thought was another simple sleepover between yourself and your group of first years, it was only the two of you sitting in the louge of ramshackle as the night drew later. (and you're not quite sure where the ghosts had disappeared to.)

"do you want to play some games?" you asked as you stood from the couch to turn on the console ortho and idia had given you.

"sure," deuce nodded, standing as well to take a seat on the couch as you returned. you sat beside him, holding out a controller before looking back at the screen to choose from the many games.

deuce actually isn't quite sute how long the two of you played games, sometimes playing together on the same team and other times going against each other. he does know, however, that the two of you were having fun, and hearing you laugh because of him filled him with a certain sense of pride

after some time you yawned, leaning back on the couch with the controller resting on your lap. deuce turned to you, and you smiled, supressing another yawn, "i'm getting a little tired."

"yeah," deuce nodded, a smile on his face of pure adoration towards you (not that you were all that aware of that fact). he grabbed your controllers to put safely next to the console, which he also thought to shut down.

he turned to you as you stretched your arms above your head and yawned again.

"i'm going to go get a drink."

"okay." you lazily replied.

deuce disappeared into the kitchen for only a minute or two to grab a glass of water, but when he returned, he found you stretched across the couch, looking to have only intended to lie down for a moment, only to end up dozing off. deuce smiled at the sight as he set his water on the coffee table, and grabbed a blanket you often kept draped over the lounge chairs, before throwing it over you. he had half a mind to attempt to move you, but he'd feel bad if he woke you.

after making sure you seemed decently comfortable, he laid across one of the other couches, and dozed off himself.

success? (the intent was there, but not carried out)

"okay so, it worked but he didn't even confess," ace grumbled, throwing his arms up in the air as he stood in front of the whiteboard.

"where is deuce?" ortho asked, glancing around the dorm for the spade who wasn't present for the meeting as he had been for the others (despite him being the reason for it at all).

sebek nodded to ortho's question, crossing his arms across his chest as he asked, "i don't believe i've seen him since lunch."

ace paused, stopping to glance at the group to confirm the person of topic was indeed absent. "he messes up the plan and then doesn't even show?" ace shouted, huffing as if he was offended by deuce's actions.

"maybe he got tired of all your ridiculous plans and decided to take matters into his own hands." epel shrugged, sitting back in jack's desk chair with a pointed look at ace.

"deuce?" ace clicked his tongue, waving a hand at the boy, "no way!"

attempt number four?: deuce's plan!

deuce is unsure if he's ever been this nervous before ─ well, actually, he is. but the reason this time was for something he's never quite experienced before and he can feel the doubt creep in and start to consume his thoughts.

but then he remembers what jack said when he told the wolf and epel what he planned to do ─ "you're probably going to feel nervous. my dad used to tell me all the time that he was too when he confessed to my mom, but that's fine. it's like when we're running, just go for it and do your best."

deuce sucked in a breath, running a hand through his hair and nodded, "okay, it's fine. i got this."

"deuce?"

the spade almost jumped as he turned to face you, quickly gaining his composure (or what little of it that he had) as you approached. you stopped in front of him, a smile on your face but still looking confused as you glanced around. ─ he had asked you to meet him behind the botanical guardians, just where you found the hazelnuts you guys used for the apology tart for riddle.

"you texted me to meet you here alone?" you asked, although more like repeated what was in the message, "is everything okay?"

"yes!" deuce quickly answered, cringing at how loud he said it, before backtracking on his words, "or no? um, well─"

at your concerned and confused expression he paused to take another deep breath, muttering to himself, just loud enough for you to hear, only further confusing you.

"okay, um, it's fine, i got this."

"deuce?" you asked, again, head tilted to the side a little as you tried to examine his expression. (he was looking a little nervous, and that concerned you even more.)

"prefect─ [name]," he corrected, facing forward but looking everywhere but at you to avoid meeting your eyes. his voice seemed to almost pitch with nerves, but he tried to push through, "listen, um, i don't really know how to this. i've never done this before, but i... well i don't know, um─" he glanced at you for a moment, before quickly glancing away, afraid he might back out with how intently you stared at him, concern written across your features.

no, he has to do this. and if you reject him then he'll just ─ well, he doesn't know what he'll do. return to his dorm and bury himself under the blankets to wallow in self-pity? call his mother and hope she'll have advice on how to handle his first heartbreak? ─ wait, he's getting ahead himself. he has to confess first; besides, you may not even reject him! there's a chance you'll return his feelings, right?

it's fine.

maybe.

"deuce, are you okay?"

deuce deflated at the concern in your voice ─ just rip the bandaid off. he's gotten into fights, fought monsters, and battled overblots. for seven's sake! he can do this!

"[name]," he said again, straightening out his shoulders and somehow managing to meet yours eyes despite his very loose nerves. "you're one of my best friends. we've been through a lot together, and your friendship means a lot to me." ─ he paused to examine your face as you squinted your eyes at him; could you tell where he was going with this?

"but, agh, how do i say this, um─" he could feel his hands begin to clam up and he quickly stuffed them into the pockets of his pants. "i like you. a lot more than a friend. and i don't want to ruin our friendship ─ i think ─ but i felt like i should, no, i needed to tell you. and if you reject me, that's... that's fine. but i had to tell you." deuce finally stopped rambling, squeezing his eyes shut and turning his head, as if he was preparing for someone to land a hit on him.

it was silent, and deuce doesn't know if it's just his nerves but he almost thinks the wind stopped blowing in that moment. then he heard you sigh, and the crunch of the fallen leaves at your feet, until he felt your arms around his neck and your chin on his shoulder. deuce froze, peeking an eye open to glance at you as you hugged him, managing to mutter a quiet, what, before you interrupted whatever might've been happening in his head (overthinking, he was seriously overthinking).

"jeez," you scoffed, though even through his nerve-rattled state he could tell there was no bite to your voice, "you scared me. don't do that."

"what?" deuce didn't know what to say as he removed his hands from his pockets and held them over your back, hesitating to return your hug as he remained confused.

you stepped back, but kept your hands on his shoulders, patting him in an attempt to comfort him, before you chuckled and sent him a smile, "i like you too, deuce. a lot more than a friend."

it was a moment as deuce stared at you, and you let him take in your words, as the gears in his head turned until he finally gasped. a wide grin crossed his face, and he quickly pulled you into a hug, to which you laughed, but returned his action. you're quite sure you could feel his hands shake against your back where he hugged you, likely from the nerves of his confession, but you made the decision not to comment on it.

deuce sighed, "i was so nervous."

"i could tell."

"and you like me back?"

"i did say that, yes."

deuce pulled back, and you think he almost looked like an excited puppy, "so, will you go on a date with me?"

"of course i will."

deuce's smile was cheeky, and if he stayed smiling like that, you feared his face might start to hurt ─ but he was so excited, and you thought it cute.

"wait till the guys hear about this!" at his words, you raised your eyebrows at him, and he paused, "if you're okay with that."

you laughed again and shook your head, "it's fine."

success.

notes ─── i finished it yay! hope you like it eli <3

do not repost, translate, copy or run my writing through an ai

[thehypnone]

university ghoul dynamics part 2 of 2. I blame @skele-bunny and @everybodyshusband /aff this is about a student teacher relationship but they are both consenting adults and the age gap isn't drastic (think like 25&30)

non-binary, disabled young uni teacher rain with a fresh phd & audhd student aeon that picked a random degree so his parents would fuck off

aeon with parent issues, completely disinterested in all his classes, but smart, so he passes it all anyways. barely, but he does—he'd be a top student if he gave it more than the bare minimum

there's one class that he pays attention to, since the first meeting. a non-binary teacher 30 years younger than the rest of his professors and not much older than aeon himself. someone actually just...cool, with a gentle yet commanding voice that's just captivating and makes even the stubborn students just want to listen. rain seems passionate about their class, too, which makes it even more pleasant to listen because it’s obvious they actually want to be there and teach, and it’s not just a job they have to make a living

rain's class is the only one aeon attends regularly and actually listens to a little bit, but he's still aeon and he’s still on the spectrum. it's not like he's suddenly a passionate academic just because one of his teachers is cool. rain notices, ofc, and they also consider themself cool and approachable so they decide to talk to aeon about it. maybe he has some problems, maybe he has a learning disability, etc. rain intends to help, if they can

something something it turns out aeon never had anyone caring for him or his needs in any capacity and it's not long before he becomes strangely attached to rain. they're aware and they know they should stop it and definitely not let it go any further but...but there's something about helping aeon that kinda. fulfills them

when they were a student they had a lot of problems because of their gender identity and disability and they didn't have any teachers that would care and it made them hate university despite being so passionate. they took a gap year or two before their masters and phd and ended up loving it all over again but they still remember how it felt not being taken seriously and they don't want that for aeon

a few months and they totally fall in love. it's awkward and neither of them knows what to do about it and neither of them is even sure that the other feels the same and the simple fact that they're a teacher and a student, even if they're both adults with a not-so-big age difference

I think aeon always packs slowly at the end of the classes, lingers so he can be the last one to leave and maybe exchange a few words with rain. next semester aeon signs up for additional classes the moment he sees some of them are rain's

I think there would be a moment when like. aeon is slow as usual in getting out of the class. rain has a bad pain day and struggles with carrying some of their stuff and they end up dropping it. aeon is on his knees picking it up in a second and rain will not admit what aeon on his knees before him and looking up at them with a sweet smile and puppy eyes did to them

maybe rain invites him for coffee one time. to discuss his academic future, of course. nothing else. right?

they both feel it's so wrong but it reaches a point where they just. can't not be together

aeon not telling rain how far from university he actually lives and getting up at like. 5am to come pick rain up when they're in a flareup and can't get to uni themself but have to come teach

aeon throwing a tantrum when the elevator isn't working even though rain insist it's fine

(stolen from felix) rain emailing aeon telling him to come to office hours to talk, and when aeon gets there it turns out rain just wanted to say that they're...look, they're not disappointed, but they can see that aeon's not living up to his full potential, and they'd really like to see him working a bit harder in class if he's able to. they're more than willing to help him out with certain concepts and accommodate his needs to allow this to happen etc etc. and aeon doesn't really know why (we do though, it's the parental issues) but something about rain at their desk, peering over their round wire-rimmed glasses and telling him to work harder is doing something for him and he doesn't know how to feel about it. something about how gentle they are about it too, like they're not angry, they just want to see him work harder and be true to his abilities and they're genuinely willing to help him achieve that

[crowsandturtlesandbatsohmy]

Y’ALL.

I just got hit with a Suga headcannon and I had to share. It’s under the cut because this got really long.

Do y’all ever think about what made Suga decide to be a teacher?

Do you think Suga discovered he loved helping others learn during his third year in the volleyball club? Like teaching Hinata to receive, or helping Kageyama understand people and the team aspects of being a setter, or explaining volleyball to Takeda-sensei.

And maybe he knew he wanted a career where he could help people, but he didn’t know what. And he liked teaching the first years about volleyball, so maybe coaching would be a good fit? But it just doesn’t sound right to him.

Maybe one night he’s tutoring Tanaka and Noya, and when they leave, they leave relaxed and happy instead of angry and frustrated, and it’s because Suga figured out how to explain something to them in a way they could connect with. And when he leaves a few minutes after them, he leaves happy and and thinking about other things he could explain in different terms so they make more sense to the two idiots (/aff)

And maybe while he’s teaching Noya how to set for his jump sets, he feels a sense of pride at seeing each little improvement, how Noya takes each critique to heart and adjusts accordingly and learns how to set.

And maybe one of the first or second years is working on homework during a break, obviously struggling, and Suga leans over his shoulder and gently explains what he’s doing wrong. And his underclassman looks up with a smile and thanks him, and he can’t help but smile back.

And then maybe one night, while they’re at nationals, Suga is out on the balcony, thinking. He’s nearly done with volleyball, school is almost over, and he still doesn’t know what he wants to do. He thinks about all the things he could’ve or should’ve or would’ve done third year if it had gone the way he’d planned it. And maybe he feels guilty for thinking that, because look at where they are now. It’s a lot, and he’s just a bit overwhelmed, because despite everything they’ve gone through to get to Nationals, and despite the facade of maturity he wears, he’s only 18. And he has no clue what he’s doing with his life. Maybe Takeda-sensei finds him, and they talk. And Takeda helps him feel less overwhelmed and pressured by everything, less guilt for being sad that he missed out on playing as a starter with Daichi and Asahi. Reminds him that he’s only 18, and that’s pretty young in the grand scheme of things, and he’s got his whole life ahead of him to change his mind and learn something new. And Takeda suggests he can start trying to figure out a career by figuring out what makes him feel fulfilled. They both go quiet for a few minutes. Suga thinks about the feeling he gets from helping the first and second years with their homework, or how he feels whenever Kageyama approaches him with a question and looks so pleased upon receiving an answer. He thinks about the time Noya glomped him one day at the beginning of practice, chattering away about how he managed to use one of the things Suga taught him during tutoring in class, a big grin on his face. He thinks about the way Hinata’s eyes lit up when he taught him hand-signals. How Yamaguchi would sometimes come to sit and do homework next to him, and would quietly pass it over for review when he’d finished a page. He thinks about the beginning of third year, and teaching Takeda about volleyball.

And maybe he thinks about how grateful he is for Takeda, who took a chance on their team and supported them every step of the way, on and off the court, even though he knew nothing about the sport. How Takeda fought for them and for their dreams— fought to find them a coach, fought to set up practice matches, fought to keep the club going for a few kids nobody else cared about. He thinks about how they wouldn’t be standing on the balcony now if Takeda hadn’t made an effort, hadn’t believed in them.

They don’t say anything else. Takeda ushers him back inside and to the hotel room and bids him goodnight, and Suga goes to find his spot between Daichi and Asahi. The room is dark, and the first and second years are asleep already. Asahi is barely awake, clearly having been fighting to keep himself up long enough to see Suga come back and join them. Daichi, though exhausted, stubbornly refuses to sleep unless all members of the team are asleep, so he’s still alert.

As Suga starts settling in, they ask what he and Takeda sensei were talking about.

Suga gives them a quick summary. And when he gets to the end, he’s smiling.

Despite the ace’s best efforts, Asahi fell asleep pretty much as soon as Suga got back (Suga doesn’t begrudge him the sleep and will just catch him up in the morning), so it’s Daichi who asks Suga why he’s so smiley at this time of night.

And Suga replies, with a warmth in his chest and a solid certainty,

“I’m going to be a teacher.”

[skele-bunny]

as a humble req: literally anything fluffy w/ dew & phantom? Ur mention of how much dew loves the new ghouls + my prev req of purritoing phantom is just ough(/aff). they r so cute and snuggly & I love them so much

Eeeeee of course of course!!!!

Dewdrop may be a hard ass but he really, really does love his pack. The newly summons are not exempt from that! Aurora is his absolute darling, Phantom is his gentle bug. He loves them like no tomorrow!!

Phantom loves worming his way into Dew and Aether's bed just to koala cling to the fire ghoul, pressed right against his neck and purring so softly. Sometimes they'll start kneading on Dew's back or chest for that extra comfort, there's been times Dew looks like he got bit by spiders all night from when Phantom would sink his nails in a bit too deep.

Constant cuddle sessions when they're able. Dew likes having Phantom against his side, so they can lay/sit up comfortably and still maintain contact.

Purrito Phantom and Dewdrop are an unstoppable duo. He's like a hot pocket and even Dew can't resist squeezing the big bundle.

Ant has tried learning fire ghoul culture to make Dew a courting gift and at first they got so heartbroken because Dew just "???" And it wasn't the reaction he was expecting. Cried about it to Swiss who calmed Phantom down and shook the life out of Dew about his failed courting attempts 😭 Phantom then learned water ghoul courts and almost drowned like TWICE just to get a little pearl for Dew. Had the biggest smile on their face like no other when Dew accepted it

Dew had a bad episode when he found one of his old pictures before his transition, just crying about how he hated himself, how ugly he felt. Phantom didn't... Really know what to do but hug him, swaying a bit back and forth.

"I don't care what you looked like before or even now. I just love you. Not what you look like. Just.. you."

Took Phantom stargazing after two weeks when he became Topside and felt safe enough to come around. Had a blanket laid out and everything, and he just couldn't help but stare and smile at Phantom's eyes practically filled with the same stars they were watching. Letting Phantom silently whisper in Ghoulish to Dew about the ones he knew. Dewdrop had been around Aether long enough to know Phantom got a few wrong, but he wasn't about to saying anything. It was cute.

When Phantom is triggered but able to find their feet, he'll get up and specifically look for Dew. He'll just hold his hand and squeeze three times, letting the fire ghoul know something wrong. If he's able, Dew will lead them somewhere private and silent, letting the quint just cling to him for comfort and cry. They feel so... So safe with Dew. Knows he won't let anything bad happen to them.