#tbh ill probably regret this in the morning

[ultra-raging-ghost]

op the best thing your parents can do is get the divorce bless, im sorry about the fighting :( i get you it's the WORST but at least you got to play a cool game🔥🔥 now cmon spill some batjokes go go go

this is the FUNNIEST ask to get without context and i feel like im finally living up to the expectations of an ao3 author, also ty anon i was just super fucking stressed, i got an hour of sleep sunday night/monday morning and then when i was at my friends place i crashed really hard and slept for 14 hours straight and it really helped but anyway okay BATJOKES

okay so i played both seasons i dont have a pc myself but my friend does and they have both seasons and brooooo..... i played the vigilante joker route and i loved it

i sacrificed the FUCK out of catwoman im ngl.... my friend was so surprised but dude i was SO DOWN BAD FOR JOHN!!!!!! IDGAF !!! i was so down bad for john the whole time dude and at the end it was like "oh you were manipulating him into thinking you liked him to get info" NO!!!! I WANTED TO FUCK HIM!!!!!!!

when harley debuted i chose the option of asking john if he was in love with me AND HIS ASS SAID NO BUT ISTG HE WAS IN DENIAL!!! PURELY BECAUSE HE BELIEVED HARLEY TO BE HIS SOULMATE, SHE HIT HIM SHE DOESNT DESERVE HIM LIKE I DO !!!!!

like at some point with catwoman i chose something like against her for john and i was in the MINORITY like it was a 95%/5% Ratio and i was in the 5% and i do NOT regret that shit ‼

otherwise aside from my mental illness about batjokes i had a lot of unpopular opinions according to the peanut gallery (my irl who was watching me play it) like im ngl i gave up batman to keep alfred like HES OUR DAD???? THATS OUR DAD RIGHT THERE AND HIS POINTS WERE VALID, IMMA LISTEN TO HIM HES SMART IDK.....

Otherwise dude... i felt SO bad for harvey (2face)!!!!!! aside from his main storyline (i was very merciful and understanding with him, actually i saved him over catwoman in that one scene so his face didnt get fucked up just his arm in the fire) i read his file on the gotham news reports and dude..... like everything surrounding him is just SO SAD

Also i cannot say this enough tbh i side with mr. freeze every time.... i may be a sucker for romance but that man was trying his hardest to save his wife and from what ive seen he does that in every iteration of batman, like he becomes a villain and gets into illegal shit because his wifes sick and idk man..... like even if he is a villain i really empathize with him??? in the playthrough i offered to keep his wife safe and alive and i took mercy on him when he got infected with the virus and i froze him, like i have confidence in him idk.... i know he probably died bc it turned out the reason the riddler survived was because of the cure that also made him go insane but like my fingers are CROSSED!!!!!

also will say the only thing id change was i was kinda iffy about taking that selfie with john at the funeral, like i didnt do it but idk..... afterwards i thought abt taking that back like dude i NEVER WRONGED that man!!!!!! he was my POOKIE!!!!!! and i lowkey feel like him going crazy in the vigilante route was pushed for by the writers bc it felt a lil.... idk..... like forced but i get it its part of the story line......./silly

my friend played the villain!joker route and from what ive heard its EVEN GAYER and they let me watch them play the last 15 minutes of the villain route so i could see how differently they handled selina and that doll scene was kinda.... idkkkk 👀 like heyyyyy/f

i also heard theres a line from harley in the villain joker route about how he could never get over me and how john always liked me better than her which was SO satisfying because i made batman so jealous over her and john hanging out like im ngl i was so up harleys ass in s2

OH OH other thing id change, i wouldnt sip from harleys slushie, i didnt understand why she was offering it to me but now that i know i wouldnt take it ngl, making john jealous was not worth that slushie !!!!!

uhhh thats all, ty anon :D

[silverstreams]

any tips on being able to sit down and just write? i can't sit still long enough to get any proper progress and was wondering if you can give a few tips with it :(

Hi Anon! Writing, like any skill, is something that requires discipline and practice. Much like how you can't go run a marathon without proper training, you can't realistically expect yourself to be able to sit down and write for three hours straight. Heck, even on my most focused days I max out at two hours. After that my brain just runs out of writing juice.

Anyway, for me the hard part hasn't been the writing itself but the sitting down part. For this, I'd recommend looking at the conditions that have worked for you in the past, and then do your best to replicate them. Have you only been able to write in a library when you're supposed to work on other stuff? Then go to the library and work on writing (for an example). It's really a thing where you have to work with yourself rather than against yourself. There's not going to be one right solution, and it's probably going to take a lot of trial and error to figure out what works and what doesn't work for you.

For instance, I'll talk about what works for me--and this again is just what works for me personally!

I deal with chronic pain, so by the end of the work day, I am often in far too much pain to be able to sit down at my laptop and work on writing. All I can really do is lay down and try to rest and wait for the pain to ease up a little. So ok. I learned that evenings aren't good for me. So, I write in the mornings instead. This has required me learning how to go to bed a little earlier and get up a little earlier, but I've adjusted!

Another thing that I noticed about myself is that my brain gets a lot more scatterbrained and anxious the moment that I pick up my phone. So, I do my best to not use my phone in the mornings. It's very difficult and I have trouble with it, but I know that once the chaos of the day takes hold, there isn't any going back from that, for me. So I try to leave my phone to charge in another room overnight. This is difficult and I don't succeed as much as I'd like, but I never regret it when I do. (I also get more sleep with it out of my room!)

Okay this is getting long, but I'll just say to try to make it as easy as possible for yourself. The easier something is to do, the more likely you are to do it. Just in general. So if a phone is a big distraction for you, you might have to keep it on silent in your pocket or set it in another room for a little bit. Or you  might have to put your computer into airplane mode if you find yourself wandering.

But if you find yourself wandering, that's another thing to pay attention to as well. If it's not working, it's not working, and it's best to just call it quits for that moment and try again later, rather than being distracted and then getting mad at yourself for not getting anything done. TBH I think building up the ability to sit down with the intent to work on writing is more helpful in the long run. Because that's the difficult part for me. Making that decision and opening up those documents.

An additional thing that I noticed about myself was that I have this anxiety about writing, where I have that feeling of "I want to write today" but without having a concrete time to do it or without having done it, I stay anxious until it's done. So that's another reason why I like to do it first thing. Helps me remove that anxiety. Then if I work on writing any later in the day, then it's just a nice bonus!

Anyway. Those are some factors for me that have majorly influenced my writing habit.

Oh! And one more thing. Mental illness is a huge factor for me. Now that my depression is in remission, I find sitting down to write about 900% easier to do. It's incredible really. So if you find yourself struggling no matter what you try, it may not be that you're doing something wrong or not trying hard enough, which is what I thought about myself for years. Turns out that that was just depression. So, even if you don't have a known mental illness, take care of yourself. Try to make sure that you've slept enough, eaten enough, had enough water, tried an exercise or stretching, done anything you can to help your brain get enough juice to a) do stuff and b) be creative. It matters more than I wish it mattered.

Hope that helps a little! Wish you the best.

[midnighteloquence]

um

i actually dont know where im going to with this rant im just gonna type my emotions til im bored (tw: small mention of sh, suicide, mentions of drugs, depression i think??, relationship talk at some point)

recently ive been more tired and more burned out and sad. i dont know why, maybe its my lack of sleep, maybe uts other factors, but ive just been really depressed. not to the point of cutting again, to the point where im just apathetic towards everything. also C at some point texted me checking up on me and telling me to sleep to “remove the sad”. i got confused and asked why, and they said they were scared of me killing myself. am i really that obvious?? they talked about how tired i looked, how sad i looked, the scars on my arms. they talk alot about how i wont open up or talk about what im going through. no matter how many times you critique me for not opening up im still not gonna fucking do it, sorry to break it to ya. why? because im fucking scared. im scared because what if you laugh? what if you dont even care? what if you say some shit like “real” or “me fr” like you always do? i dont want to open up to you or anyone because of those factors.

recently ive been feeling more and more suicidal. ive been rummaging through the pill cabinets in my house, ive been keeping blades in my school bag and around my room, ive searched up ways to kill myself. ive been more and more tempted to write a note, to save just in case i actually do it. i think the only things holding me back is the fear of after death and my family’s reaction. i dont want my mum to cry because i was stupid enough to kill myself. i dont want to leave my brother alone. i dont want them to have to clean out my room. im scared of something that isnt finite, which is why im so scared of death. if there is an afterlife, you have to stay there infinitely. if there isnt, its pitch black infintely. infinite scares me, commitment scares me. its why im not dead

most days i feel like sleeping or bedrotting til morning. other days i feel like trying to find meds in my house that can give me some sense of euphoria. i want to feel a sense of floating. but none of the things in my house provide that feeling.

i dont feel anything from caffeine. its not even that ive grown a tolerance to it, its just that ive had a high tolerance from the start. maybe its because of my dad, since he drinks alot of coffee. i cant feel energised from anything, it sucks. why cant i feel anything over than sheer exhaustion?

and im not even sure if i want all of it to end, because who am i if not ill? if im not ill i have nothing to prove to people, i wont be able to talk about my problems anymore because id be fine.

i feel like all of my friends are going to leave me. its just a huge, lingering feeling thats been there for years. my friends would be better off without me, im not a good person anyways. im not enough, im not pretty enough or smart enough or talented enough or funny enough, my personality is a bore, i dont talk about anything thats remotely interesting, im overall not good enough. they all know that, i know they all know that. they probably have a groupchat without me, to talk about what i said, and talk about leaving me. So why dont you? leave me, ill kill myself and make you regret leaving me while im suffering (this is over exaggerated sorry)

i like this guy but tbh i dont know what itd be like to date him yk? like i would love to date him, but imagining a romance is sort of, impossible i guess? plus idek if he likes me back or if hes just messing with me, and idk how to ask.

also C kept on talking about how id like to make out with him, which ew. not every person with romantic attraction wants to make out with people. some people want emotional intimacy, devotion, the ups and downs of relationships. sure, physical affection is a thing you can experience in a relationship, but its not the only thing. jesus, all relationships have been dumbed down to is sex and kissing and im sick of it. why cant i have a partner to have every aspect of a relationship? to explore our likes and dislikes, to talk about things we havent shared before, to be emotionally committed, to give and receive, to show sympathy, to love a person.

sorry ik i went from suicide to relationships but at this point im just ranting about things on my mind

ive just grown tired of everything, im so apathetic. every day is blurring together, everything goes by so quickly. im turning 14 this year, I thought i was still 10, playing roblox endlessly with my friends while the world spirals into chaos. but no, im a teenager who spends all her goddamn time on her phone talking about how much she wants to kill herself. im scared of growing up to quick, of growing up at all. what if im an even worse person in the future? what if i dont get accepted to that one uni? what if everyone’s disappointed in me? i dont want to grow up this fast. i remember 4 years ago talking to my dad about how much i wanted an account on youtube, and him saying that i had to be 13. i said that it’d take forever, and he said that time would fly really fast. he was right, i picked my gcse options a couple weeks ago, this academic year has flown by so fast. i dont like it

i fear that im not the person my parents want me to be. i listen to music 24/7, my grades arent as good as they could be, im moody and spend my time in my room. i barely take part in my hobbies anymore, im just a mess. im so disappointing.

i ran out of topics so ill end it there, good night everyone (one person)

[keen2meecha]

a creature of despair

There was a ghost haunting the streets of New Demington and everyone knew it.

Not a literal ghost. That would be much more convenient - and much less stressful. Ghosts could be caught, exorcised, shot with rock salt and sent back to wherever they belonged.

This ghost, though.

This ghost had yet to be seen, although the trail of bodies they left in their wake was unmistakable. Some with premortem wounds, some without - but all of them with their throats slashed from behind, and a length of purple ribbon left behind to cover the wound. It was a very specific calling card, but investigators had yet to determine the significance. And this had been going on for months.

Even Amadeus Black was pricklier than usual lately, and that was quite the feat. He was prickly on the best of days, but it took a lot to push him further.

And yet, despite the tension in the air and the worry on TV, Falks’ freshmen class remained as bright and oblivious as ever.

“We should go shopping!” Briony El-Hashem declared.

At the opposite end of the table, Kyran Cinege snorted as he speared his broccoli. Sure, he’d known since he stepped foot in this place that his classmates were idiots, but it was nice to have tangible proof. He looked up to catch Vera’s eye. She was an ice-cold bitch, but they had a certain understanding. She was a lot more tolerable than the others, for one thing. And she didn’t try to be his ‘friend’ - in fact, she seemed to migrate to his side most days specifically because he had no interest in friends.

She also didn’t talk, which meant she didn’t ask questions.

“What about you, dude?” Ibrahim asked eagerly, leaning closer to Kyran - and then immediately leaning back away at the sharp glare he got. “You in?”

“Of course I’m not fucking in!” Kyran snapped. “You’ve either got a goddamned death wish or your idiots - or, more likely, both.”

“Don’t be like that,” Dimas said, rolling his eyes.

“I’ll be however I fucking please. Unlike you imbeciles, I’m not taking my chances when there’s a damn Villain roaming the streets.”

“We don’t know they’re a Villain!” Larue protested immediately. “They could just be a serial killer!”

“Oh, right, yeah, that’s so much better - congrats, Strawberry! You’ve changed my mind!”

“It’ll be fun,” Rocco interrupted, and Kyran choked back a swear. “C’mon, please? We’ll make it worth your while!”

There was only one person who could possibly make it worth his while. He had red-hair and stupid pretty eyes and was currently pouting up at Kyran, said pretty eyes pleading with him. Don’t fall for it, don’t fall for it, don’t fucking-

“Fine, whatever.” He grunted, tearing his eyes away from Rocco. “If it makes you assholes leave me alone for once.”

“You know we won’t! Hey, Vera, what about you?”

“No,” She said flatly, not even looking up from her book.

“Aw, come on, not you too! Please?”

Unfortunately, Vera didn’t have the same weakness that Kyran had. She gave Rocco a flat look, then returned to her book once more. Rocco wrinkled his nose at her, then returned to the others to help the planning of the apparent shopping trip.

Kyran scowled and flicked her book as he said, “Oy, Princess, if I’ve gotta suffer through this bullshit so do you.”

She gave him a flat look, then stood up, shouldered her backpack, and started to walk away. Kyran reached out and grabbed her wrist before she could get far.

“Let go of me,” She snapped, yanking her wrist out of his grip as whirled on him. He was out of his seat and standing across from her in a second, shoulders squared and hands raised. He had seen what she could do with her Gift. She wasn’t going to get the drop on him.

“Guys,” Elora protested uneasily from the table. 

“Shut up, Pinkie,” Kyran told her, not looking away from Vera. “You too, Glasses.”

Zahir snapped his mouth shut.

“I said. I’m not. Going.” Vera gritted out. Despite the tension in her jaw, her hands were loose by her sides.

“And I said you are,” Kyran countered, not letting his guard down that easily. “Because there’s a killer roaming the streets, and we’re pretty much the only ones who can keep these idiots alive if they really insist on leaving campus.”

There was a full tense minute as she stared him down. He was starting to wonder if she would just forgo the Gift and punch him in the nose-

And then she huffed, nodded, and left without another word.

“Was that a yes?” Ibrahim asked into the shocked silence.

 ***

“We’re going shopping this weekend,” Kyran announced suddenly.

Across from him, the devil herself blinked and adjusted her glasses.

“We were discussing your childhood?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ve got daddy issues, blah blah blah,” Kyran waved a dismissive hand. “Been there, done that, old news.”

“Alright.” Tuliana gave an infuriating smile. “Who all is we?”

“The whole class.”

“Including you?”

“Obv-fucking-iously.”

“Don’t make me get the swear jar out again, Kyran.”

“Obviously.”

“Why did you agree to go? I was under the impression that you hated everyone.”

“Dunno.” He flopped back in the cushy armchair and glared out the window.

“These sessions won’t do you any good if you stonewall me.”

He huffed and drew a frowny face on the icy window with his finger, then said, “I… thought I saw her. Yesterday. Up on those mountains or whatever.”

“It’s not… unheard of for people to think they’ve seen loved ones that they’ve lost.”

“So I’m not going crazy?”

“No, we’ve been over this.”

“Even though it’s been, like, a year?”

“There’s no timeline for grief. It happens differently for everyone.” When he didn’t say anything else, she jotted something down on her notebook and said, “Is that why you agreed to go? Because you think you’ll see her again?”

“No, that’d be stupid.”

“I wouldn’t say that.”

He scowled and shot her a glare. The worst part was that her serene expression didn’t even waver. In the almost two months he’d been attending Falks, he’d managed to get under every adults’ skin except for two: the headmaster and Tuliana Nagi. The former simply because he hadn’t had enough opportunities, the latter because he was sure there were more annoying things in Hell than him.

So far, at least.

“Maybe…” He returned to the window. “Maybe because it’s what she would have done.”

“Gone shopping?”

“Protected them.”

There was a long beat of silence, then she sighed and rubbed at her eye. She did that sometimes. Their sessions were always at the end of the day, and he was pretty sure she had chronic dry-eye. Her eye drops were in her drawer, but she never used them while they were meeting. Probably because it was impolite or some shit.

“Kyran, it’s not your job to save everyone.”

“It will be soon.”

“Yes, after you’ve been trained.” She dropped her hand and leaned forward. He shifted uncomfortably, but couldn’t seem to break eye contact. “Kyran, you couldn’t have saved her.”

“If I hadn’t left her with him-”

“You didn’t leave him.” They had been through this so many times that she felt comfortable interrupting him, which was infuriating. “You got separated while the museum was collapsing.”

“What difference does it make?”

“You know that it makes all the difference.”

He snarled at her, but had nothing to say to that. She was - probably, unfortunately - right. But if he had just had the instinct to dive back, not forward, if they had lingered just a second longer, or sped up just a little-

“That kind of thinking won’t bring her back, Kyran.”

That was the whole problem, wasn’t it? 

Nothing was going to bring back the one friend he’d ever had.

***

The mall was way too big, and way too loud. The moment they stepped inside, he regretted agreeing to come along. 

It didn’t help that Vera was practically radiating smugness at his discomfort, even as she too winced at the light and the noise and the smell. The rest of their classmates barely seemed to notice the terrible everything of the hellhole posing as a mall. They laughed and shouted and went through store after store after store. Why did a mall even need five separate shoe stores? Wasn’t one enough?

“Capitalism,” Jerilyn whispered gravely to him when he voiced his complaint.

“Fuck that,” He replied, turning away.

“Dude, where are you going?” Ibrahim shouted.

“Anywhere that isn’t here!”

He made it all the way to the boba stand before he realized that he was being followed.

“Fuck off, Princess.”

“You dragged me on this trip,” She replied evenly. “Actions have consequences.”

It was the closest to sarcasm he’d ever heard her get, so he begrudgingly didn’t protest further. The ghost everyone was afraid of preferred secluded areas, after all. They wouldn’t strike in the middle of a brightly lit, crowded as hell building.

“Hi!” The Chinese girl behind the counter chirped at their approach. “What can I get you?”

“What’s good?” Kyran asked, scanning the menu and trying hard not to scowl. His classmates deserved his ire - retail workers didn’t.

“Depends on what you like - the lavender is pretty interesting.”

“Sure, that.”

“Great! And you, ma’am?”

“Er, same thing.”

The girl didn’t notice the hesitance as she put their orders into the computer, but Kyran glanced back as he passed her the money. He’d had his suspicions, of course, but every time she opened her mouth he grew more certain that the weirdo had never had a real childhood.

Maybe they could start a club.

“Here’s your change!” The girl said, dragging him out of his thoughts.

He turned and accepted the coins - and found his gaze drawn to her pin-laden denim jacket. More specifically, the white pin with the thick purple line in the middle.

“Nice pin,” He said, jutting his chin out towards it.

“Huh?” She glanced down, then beamed up at him with excitement. “Thanks!”

“I’ve got a friend who had something similar,” He added, his throat tightening as the words clawed their way out. 

“Oh, nice. I can give you the website that I got it from, if you want to buy them a present!”

“Uh, no, thanks. She hasn’t got much use for gifts anymore.”

The girl snorted, and then the man who was also working at the booth called, “Jing, come help me!” and she hurried away.

Kyran heaved a sigh, then turned to see Vera staring at him.

“What the fuck is your problem?”

“Nothing.” Unruffled as ever - she was almost as obnoxious as Tuliana. “I thought you didn’t have friends.”

“I don’t,” He snapped, already regretting the moment of weakness. At least Vera wasn’t the gossiping type. “Not anymore. What do you care?”

“I don’t.”

She said that, but she also kept stealing glances at him for the rest of their little shopping trip. By the time they left, just before the mall closed as the sun was setting below the horizon, he was ready to commit arson just for some kind of release.

The city buildings cast long shadows in the fading sunlight, and his classmates at least had the common sense to lower their voices as they walked. They were still in a populated part of the city, but they were fast-approaching that time where it was too late for the day crowd to still be heading home, but too early for the night crowd to start leaving home.

“Oh, hey, come on!” Briony said suddenly, her voice leaping half an octave in her excitement. “It’s a shortcut - it’ll get us to the nearest stop just in time for the next bus!”

“Wait, I’m not sure-” Zahir tried to protest, but she was already taking off down the darkened alleyway.

Kyran swore and took off after her, and the others followed close behind. 

Luckily she hadn’t gotten far - barely halfway down the alleyway before she stopped, apparently waiting for them to catch up.

“Do you want to fucking die?” He snapped, grabbing her shoulder and yanking her around to face him. “We need to stick together, or-”

“Well, well, well. Who is it that’s flown into my web this time?”

Or that.

Kyran shoved Briony behind him and pivoted, searching for the source of the crooning voice. It didn’t sound like it belonged to anyone much older or bigger than them, but it had just enough of an edge to make the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

“Oh, could it be?” The voice continued, dancing with delight. “A little herd of Falkers, out and about in the city? All alone, and so late at night - I thought you were supposed to be smart!”

“Who says we’re alone?” Kyran snarled, putting a hand out to keep his classmates from doing anything stupid. 

There was the sound of sharp metal scraping against stone undercutting a breathy, unsettlingly girlish giggle, and a figure stepped into what little light was left. 

They weren’t what Kyran was expecting. Short, shorter than him, wearing jeans and sneakers and a faded purple hoodie that was missing the sleeves, leaving the person’s brown arms bare. They could almost be mistaken for a normal teenager wandering the streets - albeit a fucking jacked one - if not for the machete in their outstretched hand, resting against the wall of the building. That explained the scraping noise, at least.

“We don’t want any trouble,” Zahir called, earning a hissed shut up from Kyran.

“You don’t?” The person asked, almost sounding disappointed. “But don’t you know? That’s all you Falkers are. Little troubles, that grow up to be big strong Heroic troubles.”

“Back the fuck off now,” Kyran snarled when they took a step forward, raising his free hand in preparation. An explosion in such a tight space wasn’t ideal, but if push came to shove it would be worth it. “And no one will get hurt.”

The person paused and tilted their head. He could see the faintest flash of clever dark eyes studying him. There was something about this person, something hauntingly familiar... 

“Why don’t we make a deal?” They crooned, pushing their hood back. 

They were wearing a paneled black mask over the entirety of the bottom half of their face, but that still left the top half of their face exposed. Golden brown eyes with heavy bags under them, freckles, their dark brown curls shaved in an undercut. A scar through their thick eyebrow. Kyran narrowed his eyes. It was right there, staring him in the face, why couldn’t he figure it out-

“You give me your jacket, and I’ll let you go.”

“My jacket?” He glanced down at the leather jacket he was wrapped up in, worn to comfortable softness and right on the edge of being too small. “No fucking way.”

“Kyran,” Ibrahim whispered urgently.

“I said no,” He snapped, lifting his hand a little higher and curling his finger into the beginnings of a flick. If they made even the slightest of moves, kaboom. “I’m not giving some whacko my jacket.”

“Oh, but it’s not your jacket, now is it?” They said softly, taking another step forward. They were within arm’s reach. He needed to use his Gift, or throw a punch, or run, or something - but he was paralyzed, mesmerized by those far-too-knowing eyes. “You stole it from your friend, didn’t you? That night in the hospital? You chased her out, blamed her for your own damn issues, and then stole the jacket she left behind?”

“How do you know that?” He whispered.

“Oh, I know all about you, Kruze Cinege.”

She - because the only person who would ever call him that was a ‘she’ - smiled and pulled the mask down around her neck. Her nose was broad and freckled, her chin rounded and soft, her lips stretched in a smile he’d seen a hundred times before - but this one was mangled and bitter and empty, a fucked up facsimile of the original.

She’d gotten a haircut, gathered a few more scars, lost the spark that used to make her shine so bright - but she still managed to be unmistakable. 

No wonder they called her a ghost.

“Sofia?”

[possiblytracker]

what do you think would happen if i just passed out right now at 10pm

[realcube]

characters dealing with a deep sleeper! s/o  (_　_)。゜zｚＺ

characters: bokuto, oikawa & saiki k 

tw// swearing, fluff, mentions of death, illness, funerals, sexual references 

Kōtarō Bokuto

he literally thought you died 

this was your first time sleeping over at his home and last night, y’all were stuffing your faces with treats until your stomachs ached

you had mentioned several times how you were feeling sick - even after bokuto took you out for a late-night run - but he just told you to take a pain-killer and sleep it off

but now he was kinda regretting not calling someone to help 

like what if the sickness was a symptom to a deadly disease which took you overnight?

plus, he had tried everything he could think of to wake you up: he shook you, he blasted music from his phone, he opened the curtains to allow blinding light to shine on you, he flicked spits of cold water onto your face and he literally wafted cookies around the room in hopes you’d catch the scent 

but it was no use as even after all that, you didn’t move an inch

he tried to check your pulse which he believed to be on the wrist but he couldn’t think it 

so either he was too stupid to find the exact location or......you didn’t have a pulse

he’ll admit, it was an eerie thought that there could be a dead person in his bed rn but even he considered that a rather outlandish idea 

how could a person as healthy as you just die overnight? so he did what any reasonable person would do in that situation-- no, not call a doctor

he held a funeral for his beloved s/o 💀

he gathered all five of the plushies laying around his room (all of which were owls) and lined them up on the foot of the bed 

‘we are all gathered here today to celebrate the epic life of my partner, (y/n) (l/n).’ he sobbed into the sleeve of the black blazer he had pulled out of his closet, ‘gone too soon.’

silence. but in his mind he was met by a chorus of ‘aww’s and whimpers from the crowd

‘i loved them. (y/n) was my rock; they helped me through some of the hardest points in my life--’

his speech was cut off upon hearing one of the audience members pipe up, ‘bo, what are you doing?’

a wave of excitement washed over him as he scurried up to the line of guests, closely examining each one, ‘i didn’t know y’all could talk!’

you rolled your eyes before leaning forward and gently tapping the back of his head, ‘it’s me.’

upon laying his eyes on you, healthy and alive, his lips curled into a foolishly large grin as he immediately pulled you into a tight hug, ‘(Y/N), you’re alive!’ he cried

you gasped at his rather dramatic reaction before slowly melting into his embrace, ‘yes, i am.’

as your lips parted from the skin of his jaw and he slowly let his arms fall from your waist, you finally inquired, ‘did you hold a funeral for me?’

bokuto’s eyes-widened at your ‘crazy’ suggestion, ‘uhhhh, nooooo.’

if his elongating of each word wasn’t enough to show that he was lying, the dead giveaway would have to be the sheet of A4 paper with ‘(Y/N)’S FUNERAL 😭’ written on it that was stuck to the door with blu-tac

ignoring his completely false reply, you leaned back on the bed and picked up on the owl plushies, gently stroking it’s soft fur, ‘are these the guests? why are there only five?’

bokuto shrugged, picking up one himself and absentmindedly attempting to balance it on your head, ‘seven; if you count me and you.’

you giggled, about to make a inquire about the names of each guest until bokuto suddenly through his arms around you again 

‘why didn’t you tell me that you are such a deep-sleeper before?! i was so worried - i thought you died! please never die on me again, (y/n)?’

you smiled, pulling back to plant a sweet kiss on his cheek, ‘i promise.’

Tōru Oikawa

he would take advantage of this opportunity lol

the first time y’all slept over together as a couple, he had no idea that you were as deep of a sleeper as you actually are

like he thought you meant ‘i sometimes sleep through my alarms’ deep-sleeper

NOT ‘IT TAKES A WHOLE NATURAL DISASTER TO WAKE ME UP IN THE MORNING’ DEEP-SLEEPER (/h)

anyway, at first, he’d probably just freshen up while you sleep: take a shower, wash his face, brush his teeth, floss etc so he’s no longer effected by that ✨morning crust ✨

but when he pokes his head out of the bathroom and noticed that your sleep asleep, he tries to blow-dry his hair bc he knows how much you like it when it’s all fluffy

but his blow-dryer was quite loud so he put it on for a few seconds to see if it’s wake you up and just as he expected, you were still sound asleep

so he blew-dry his hair until it was that soft texture that you liked so much- all while you were still like (∪.∪ )...zzz even though the blow-dryer was making a racket 

you were still sleeping and upon looking at the time, he realised that it was completely fair considering it was currently half past 8 and he had just woken up extremely early for some unknown reason

he didn’t want to wake you so he was just doing to go out for a run or make breakfast until he caught a glimpse of himself in mirror

o.O

despite his  puffy hair and pearly-white smile, he still looked sloppy

but it was definitely bc of his stained, torn, washed-out pyjamas tbh

he was just wearing an old T-shirt that he’s had for god-knows how long and a pair of grey sweatpants; it wasn’t a look

he had no idea what possessed him to wear such casual nightwear while you were at his house - especially when you chose to wear something so relaxed yet titillating - but he knew that he needed to change

after a while of rummaging through his nightwear drawer, the best he could find was a pair of white, silk, loose-legged trousers which he had bought for a halloween costume many years ago

it was pretty classy though :)) he was sure that you’d like it 

however, he still couldn’t find anything to wear on his top half but there is no fashion problem oikawa can’t solve 

thus, he went shirtless ( •̀ ω •́ )✧

he also threw on some jewellery too, just for the lols

you weren’t awake yet thought, so after he set up some candles to create a ‘mood’, he just sat next to you on the bed, scrolling on his phone and anticipating your reaction once you woke up

for a moment, he thought that he might’ve went when too far but upon taking a look at himself in his front-facing camera, he realised that there was no harm in spicing things up

once he noticed one of your eyes slowly flutter open, he quickly tossed his phone to the side and turned his body to face you, shooting you a kind smile and he gently ran a hand through his fluffy hair, ‘morning, angel~’ he cooed

you grumbled your greeting in response, then proceeded to rub your eyes to make sure you were seeing him correctly, ‘what are you wearing, tōru?’

‘can a guy not dress up for his special someone anymore?’

you rolled your eyes, playfully slapping his chest and going to hop out of bed until he pulled you back down against the sheets

a faint gasp escaped your lips but you were quickly hushed by oikawa pushing his finger against your lips, ‘you’re not going anywhere, (y/n).’

Kusuo Saiki

this was the first time you ever slept over at his house or next to him yet y’all had been dating for year and a half

he was just scared that he might accidently do something crazy in his sleep (bc of his powers ofc) and the last thing he wanted to do was hurt you 🥺

you were patient with him though but bc y’all had never woken up together before, he had no idea how deep of a sleeper you are

he thought it was cute at first bc you were laying there like the beauty you are, lookin’ all serene and calm and stuff

but after a while, he got bored on his own  #•̀ ︿ •́

also, you promised to bake macarons with him for breakfast and he was hungry as hell, still he didn’t want to eat without you but if he didn’t wake you up rn to make macarons, he’d surely starve to death while they were in the fridge

on any other day, he’d just try do it himself but when you helped him make food- it just hit different 😍

‘(y/n), wake up.’  he spoke into your mind using his telepathy, while light nudging your arm, ‘i’m hungry.’

you didn’t reply, seeming completely knocked out

he tried the next best thing, holding his annoying alarm noise near (but not too close) to your ear

still nothing, though

his last human attempt was aggressively pulling your blanket away but even after that you showed no signs of waking up so he realised that he’d have to resort to using his physic abilities

he considered using his astral projection to possess your body but he felt as though taking over your body might cross a few boundaries 

but he did try duplicating himself so he could shake you from many different angles but it was still no use

he continued to use his telepathy to try wake you up but it didn’t seem to work either

after multiple different attempts of using his powers to try wake you up; here he was, standing in the middle of some dystopian, apocalyptic scene - alarms ringing in the distant along with sirens, screaming, honking and wails. everything around him seemed to be engulfed by flames which created thick, smoky air 

he wasn’t really sure how he got here but he was pretty sure it started around the time he tried to form an energy ball 

whatever 🤷‍♂️ it’s no biggie

he jumped back in time so he was standing next to your bed once again, exactly where he left off before he created the energy ball

he stared down at your sleeping figure and let out an exasperated sigh as he realised that he’d have to employ one of his most dangerous tactics

he really hoped it didn’t have to come to this

‘(y/n), if you get up right now.’ his voice rung through your head, ‘i speak with my voice.’

just like that, both of your eyes shot open as you hastily sat up on the bed

‘do it, saiki!’ you cheered, a foolishly large grin plastered on your features

and he couldn’t help but smile too 

curse you for being so cute

[transcaptainamerica]

i cant put a read more on mobile so scroll rlly fast if u dont wanna read me talkin abt abuse!

ok u know what rlly sucks ive went my whole life without a parent that genuinely showed me love n support tbh no wonder im like fucking dying in college!

and like im??? trying my best i read up so much on the effects of abuse and like coping w anxiety and depression and even my therapist is like "victoria you have so much insight it makes me think you've had therapy before" and its like nope! i just wanted to get better. like for once in my life i wanted to not be afraid that everyone hates me, or to stop hating myself like! that would be nice!!!

honestly truly what is the point like sure things will get better or whatever but like! things suck and like just when i think theyre looking up everything turns to shit! like every single time! this has been the cycle of my 18 yrs of life!!!! can u believe in the 18 fucking years ive been fucking alive i haven't felt at home or safe in what i was supposed to call my home!

[superhero--imagines]

Etsy Store Here l Ko-Fi l Commission Info I Instagram

Part 1 Here!

A/N: Just some extra headcanon since this basically lives in my head rent free.

* Don’t get it twisted, Nanami loves you a lot, but there’s a really big reason he picked you to be his spouse-

* “I don’t want children, now and not in the future,” He tells you

* You’re both sitting at a cafe, you were looking out the store window to the busy street when he says it

* Nanami is sweating, things have been going pretty good so far, but there’s no point in continuing on like this if you want children

* It’s not that Nanami doesn’t want kids, or that he doesn’t like kids

* It’s just if he has one of his own, there’s no way he’ll be able to die without any regrets

* He might even become a curse just to see his child again

* So he can’t have kids

* But the least he could have done is said it more tactically!

* Still, it’s better to get it out of the way now, before either of you get too attached

* He really should have said it when you first met, but he liked you, he was thrilled when you agreed to the courting period

* So he wanted to do this a bit more tactfully than last time

* Not that it was all that much better tbh

* You tilt your head to the side, that really did come out of nowhere

* Well, marriage has always meant kids right?

* Especially an arranged marriage like this, the whole point is for your elders to secure that you’ll have a family of your own

* You’re not quite sure how you feel about children, but you know that you’re not ready for them right now

* All you know that you want is a family

* But who’s to say a family means a husband and a child?

* The world is changing, there’s so many different kinds of family’s now-

* Who’s to say a family can’t just be you and your husband

* “I think that’s alright” you finally respond

* And Nanami smiles so brightly that you feel your heart race just by looking at him

* “Again,” You say

* “Huh?”

* “Smile like that again”

* “I can’t do it on command” he replies laughing

* He does smile like that again for you though, and only for you

* I know everyone says Nanami is a cat person, and don’t get me wrong he totally is-

* He can appreciate another independent creature

* But I 100% believe Nanami gets a puppy that’s a big dog breed

* I’m talking Great Dane/Mastiff/Saint Bernard/Rhodesian Lab

* A BIG dog that will protect you in case...in case he can’t one day

* “Raising a dog is a lot of work, good thing we don’t plan on having kids” you laugh, watching the puppy finally fall asleep after raising hell for 12 hours

* “Yeah” he’ll say with a small smile

* Nanami’s always thinking about the future, he’s always trying to tie up any loose strings so he won’t die with any regrets

* Everything is paid off in advance

* Your house or apartment lease, your car, even your credit cards-

* That way you won’t have to worry if he’s not around

* “Nanami-San, are you planning on going somewhere that I can’t follow soon?” You ask

* Ever since the engagement party he’s been really stern about having you understand all the household finances, how to pay bills, all the bank accounts he has

* He even made you a planner for the next year with what day what bills are due and how/when you need to pay them

* You’re asking if maybe he’s terminally Ill, that would make sense considering the way he’s acting

* Nanami still hasn’t told you about the Jujutsu world or anything like that

* He doesn’t want to burden you with it just yet

* “The future is uncertain, it’s best to be prepared”

* “I can see that” you respond, before asking him what day you need to make the insurance payment

* I think when Nanami finally does tell you he’s going to go back to being a jujutsu sorcerer, it’ll be in kind of the same manner as when he said he didn’t want kids

* “I’m thinking of quitting my job”

* You’re at his house, you were just admiring Nanami’s book collection - he said he was making you dinner tonight for you “courting outing”- when he says that, out of nowhere

* He’s been swallowing still working at his current position for the last few months-

* He wants the two of you to have some semblance of normalcy, at least for now

* But he doesn’t want you to go into this marriage under false pretenses

* “It might be a little rough, but I’m pretty sure I could cover us for a while-“ you wonder if this is why he was having you know all the budgets

* Normally under these circumstances it would be fair to assume he’s using you to cover his expenses so he can pursue some dumb venture or something-

* But you know Nanami, he’s a kind and considerate person, so you know it’s not like that

* You wonder if someone at work is giving him trouble, or if maybe something happened -

* “It’s not like that, I have another job lined up”

* “But why the sudden change?” You’re still a little uneasy, he seems well settled in his current job after all, probably in line for a promotion

* “I guess I’m disillusioned by the industry”

* Nanami tells you his story - the same one he told the bakery girl- and you hug him from behind when he comes near to the end

* “It’s okay Kento-Kun, you don’t have to feel alone anymore, I’m here”

* And for the first time in a while, even though he’s an adult, Nanami cries like a little boy

* He probably doesn’t tell you he’s a jujutsu sorcerer until your wedding night

* “I have something important to tell you-“

* Omg he’s into some weird kinky stuff isn’t he? Like beyond kinky, like borderline-

* “I’m a sorcerer”

* .

* ..

* ...

* Huh?

* You laugh about it later with him

* “Why did you tell me right then, you couldn’t have waited until the next morning at least?” You laugh and Nanami gets that familiar pink tint across his cheekbones

* “I wanted to be honest with you, we’re married now, I didn’t want to keep any secrets”

* You smile, honestly what a kind man- how did you ever get so lucky?

* “Besides it’s not like I killed the mood or anything you seemed to enjoy yourself when-“

* “Okay I get it!” You flush red covering his mouth with your hand

* He just loves you a lot

* And he’s so glad you’re his now

[trashbinbackyard]

jack/mirad & kai/helvi

I woke up at 8 and went like eeeh i can sleep another half an hour and them boom, 1pm

1. Who's the one who's reckless and always getting into trouble while the other gotta pull em out

Mirad has grown past his most reckless tendencies, Jack however hasn't, but he's more at danger to himself than to others

Kai is very careful when he's out hunting and he's never alone. Helvi however has a habit of going into the woods alone

2. Who's the one to send the other "I love my gf/bf" memes

I don't feel like either?

If they had phones it'd be Helvi

4. Which one spoils the other more and do they ever get competitive to show the other more love

Mirad spoils Jack, lets be real, it doesn't turn into a competition bc it's in moderation, and mostly Mirad treating Jack to some of his skincare products

Kai miiiiight spoil Helvi juuuuust a bit, he doesn't mind getting up way earlier to fix her breakfast and help her tie her hair and acquiring many fur blankets

5. How many years did it take to get married or was it just not for them

A few years for sure, when they both were sure about it. Probably talked about it too before Mirad proposed

Few years, if wasn't for Kai's role in the village they would've gotten married later, as neither really saw marriage as That important and just something they one day would like to do.

6. What was their wedding like

Small, just closest family and couple friends, nothing extravagant for the middle aged men

Whole day event basically with everyone from the village and surrounding area invited (against Kai's best wishes), Weddings, and especially high profile weddings like that are few and far between and they're quite the event. Small ceremony but then a huge feast with dancing singing and general revelry

7. Is their friends/family supportive

Ellen is very happy for them both, Mirad's parents were wary but approve later on, Marda is still sus about Jack

Very much so, Kory pretty much pushed them to get married already, Kat when she finds out is very happy for them both. Helvi's parents are so proud and treat Kai like close family

8. How does one comfort the other when the other is in distress/having a panic attack/crying

Mirad talks to Jack gently, checks if he hasn't hurt himself, bring him a snack and drink. When Mirad's distressed Jack will ask if he can do anything and keep him company if he lets him

If Kai's in distress he tends to shut down and all Helvi can really do is keep him company and hold him. If Helvi's upset Kai will call a timeout and just go somewhere with her where she can calm down and talk things through

9. Which one dissociates

Jack mostly

-

10. Which one stares at the other's booty like "damn" and how does the other react when catching them

Both. Mirad would be more cheeky (hehe) in his reaction while Jack is like "my booty?? :0"

Helvi. Kai blushes

11. When they live together what kinda place do they live in? What does their home look like?

Both had their separate places, where Mirad's was very neat and organized and Jack's was a whole mess. Jack would still keep his place as a workshop while he pretty much now lives with Mirad, where he learns to respect the house rules

They share a two-story chief's house with Kory and a garm, they have the whole lower level to themselves pretty much, and it's quite big, it's very cozy and bit cabin'y even if it's larger

13. How does each act when getting drunk

Jack's a sad drunk, first thing Mirad knew about him tbh. Mirad doesn't drink if I remember correct

Neither of them want to get Drunk drunk, just tipsy. Kai loosens up and gets chattier. Helvi gets giggly and cuddly

14. Which one rolls over in the morning to wake up the other one just to give kiss them

Beware the morning breath. Mirad wakes up before Jack

Kai doesn't wake Helvi up when he leaves the bed to go prepare breakfast, but when that's done he will kiss her goodmorning

16. Does one have an interest the other think is weird but wants to listen to it regardless

Jack likes welding for fun too, he's made some little "art" pieces for Mirad with textures he knows he likes, and Mirad appreciates it. Mirad's big into working out and Jack will be out of breath in two minutes if he joins but it's a pleasant experience

Helvi loves making potions and instruments and while Kai knows little about either he's up for helping her if she asks, she also sings. I know this seems kinda random bc I just know thought of it, but Kai's into drawing with charcoals, it would be fitting for his "quiet kid with not many friends" character (it hits a little too close home lmao)

17. Which one uses cropped hentai as reaction images

That's very much up Jack's alley

If they had phones, Helvi

18. Does one of them kinkshame the other

Not kinkshame, more like kink-concern on Mirad's part like "Jack, honey, WHY do you wanna be choked that hard"

Neither of them have really out there kinks, though Helvi would be up to do it in the woods. Just have to be extra careful they're far enough from any civilization

19. Is one of them self conscious about their body? If so how does the other comfort them

Jack, he's pudgy and wrinkly. Mirad doesn't mind it one bit and calling Jack a sexy beast on the regular makes Jack happy and less ashamed of his body

Helvi used to, before trans-your-gender spell hit, (and bc she basically got to decide what her body would look like of course she has no regrets) Kai is very body-neutral about himself, yeah that's a body, nothing special but ain't nothing wrong with it either

21. What is their song? Like the song that gives them overwhelming feelings?

Well I have listed Silent storm for them once and you know what, I stand by it

From Heilung Traust and Krigsgaldr (first half of it anyway), both were big inspirations for Helvi's character in general and Maria Franz is her voiceclaim too lol (also the guy on krigsgaldr second verse for Kai's voiceclaim (before 4.40 mark))

28. Are either of them mentally ill, if so how do they help one another cope

Jack is a recovering addict, also depressed, and alcoholic (recovering when they get together). Mirad is also an ex-addict and while he's much further into his recovery he's not immune to the shitty stuff that still might happen, they're each other's peer support

Helvi used to have bad dysphoria

29. Does one have a spot on them where they would melt when the other kisses them there

Head, forehead for Jack (and lips of course) he's not that big into getting kisses on his body. Mirad is sensitive everwhere but IIRC neck and sides are big

Helvi's wrists and neck just below her ears. Kai's throat and forehead

30. Do they dance together

Mirad poledances, Jack enjoys the view

At their wedding sure, both lil tipsy and letting loose, both lost their flower crowns that evening

31. Do they sing together

More like hum if they feel like it

Helvi's the one signing, Kai might join in on a verse or two

34. Are they a reckless couple or safe

Pretty safe with the occasional reckless on Jack's part

Safe

35. What be their kinks and do they try each other's kinks

Love and Care, and choking

They're pretty vanilla

37. Do they get into fights often? If so what do they fight over and how do they make up?

Arguments sure about Jack's self-destructive behaviors sometimes but the rule is never go to sleep angry so they both reflect on it with compassion

Not really, at least before The Incident, apologize and kiss and make up

38. Which one's top, bottom, verse

Mirad's a top, Jack is a pillow princess vers

Kai's top, Helvi's bottom

39. What kinda sex they be having (gentle rough whatever)

Whatever they're in the mood for, some tender lovin'? Sure! Get hot and heavy? With moderation. Break into laughter in the middle of it? Silly is also a mood!

It starts off as hot and heavy but calms down to more gentle

40. Who would fight in honor for the other if someone would insult them

Jack would just hit them with the "don't be meeeaaan 🥺🥺" Mirad I feel like would go the verbal route as well but more stern

It's common knowledge to Not insult the village shaman (the one who has illness remedies and the one who blesses you before you travel), and you DONT insult the the chief's kid/chief. They're both capable of defending themselves but Kai will step in if he happens to hear

44. Do they want kids

Nah, who needs kids when you got nieces

Yeah, and I've finally made up my mind, they're gonna adopt a bunch (and bc you dropped out of the campaign I can tell you how: a village not that near but not that far gets attacked by a power hungry druid and leaves bunch of kids without parents and the party will escort them back to Kai's village, before they go after the druid)

[alyss-spazz-penedo]

@w1lmutt So tbh I probably could’ve had this ninth part of the unedited v!Wind fic out earlier; I already had it mostly written. But on the flip side, I’m sure you’ll be happy know that the whole story's going to be a bit longer than previously expected!

I only took my eyes off them for like a DAY, where did all these new plunnies come from aiieeee 

I don’t want to promise the next part will also be out soon bc that feels too much like jinxing it, but, um. *side-eyes the pages and pages of Stuff I've already scribbled for the next few parts*

TW: The ending scene made me cackle evily when I first thought of it. That's it that's the warning

<<First Part 8 Next>>

Twilight climbs the ladder to the lookout post the newest Link first greeted the traveling heroes from. The kid’s perched there now, kicking his heels in the open air, head resting on arms folded against the railing—just like the first time they’d met.

Such a difference a single day makes.

“Food’s ready,” he announces himself, though there’s no way Phantom hadn’t heard him making his way up. The boy doesn’t respond. Twilight musters up his patience, makes an effort to keep his voice even and nonconfrontational. “Wild made enough stew for everyone. He’s a pretty darn good cook; you’re missing out.”

Phantom doesn’t move. “Don’t need it.”

Twilight frowns. He climbs all the way into the lookout and approaches the slumped form, stopping just outside of striking distance. “You haven’t had anything all day. You need to eat, kid,” he coaxes.

“Fuck off. Don’t patronize me.” There’s no bite to the words. Twilight folds his arms, trying to project sternness. Phantom lackadaisically flips him off without even looking his way.

Twilight sighs. “...Enjoying the view?” He prods instead, changing tack.

“...A little. I’m mostly listening. I’d... forgotten what it sounded like.” A stilted pause. Phantom sighs, so quiet it’s nearly lost on the breeze. “The village, I mean. While it was awake.” 

Twilight, who hadn’t meant to provoke such honesty with his offhand comment, finds himself momentarily derailed. Phantom seems to take his silence as an invitation to continue—or perhaps he’s not talking to the other man at all, anymore.

“Aryll hugged me back today,” he says, blank. “And. Everyone’s awake. I... don’t need to sweep the porches, or trim the grass, or make sure the water in the rainbarrels is still fresh. I...”

One of the seagulls hops closer. Link holds out a hand to it automatically, but it flaps away. He stares down at his empty hand for a long moment before he seems to realize there’s no bait in it.

“It shouldn’t be this hard. It’s not anything new—I should be able to do this, greet my friends and talk to my sister and help out where I’m needed. I used to. I know I used to.”

The silence stretches.

Twilight finally sighs, breaking through the tension that had settled gauzy and ill-defined over them. “I came up here for a reason. I need to talk to you.”

Phantom finally deigns to look at him, giving the other a droll look from the corner of his eye. “Of course you do. You wouldn’t be here alone otherwise; you guys have been paired off all day.”

Smartass. Twilight hisses a breath through his teeth. “Look, it’s about Time.”

Phantom tenses.

“You’ve been hurting him. You’re going to stop doing that,” he informs the kid.

Phantom’s eyebrows furrow. “I’m not going to attack you guys again. And I apologized for the-”

“I’m not,” Twilight grits out, “talking about a physical wound.”

The boy doesn’t understand. How can the boy not understand? Twilight wants to pick him up and shake him.

“As far as I can tell, your only impressions of him come from legends that reverie him, and memories that hate him. He’s not whoever it is you’ve built up in your head, Phantom. Try opening your damn eyes for a change.”

Twilight stares the younger boy down. He needs the kid to understand: he is deadly serious about this.

The little hero is wide-eyed with confusion, uncertainty grinding away his usual guard. Phantom visibly chews over his words, slow, like they might make sense the third time where they didn’t the first. Skepticism paints his face. He still doesn’t get it. 

But he nods. Agreement, however reluctant. Twilight will take it.

"Now come on," Twilight huffs. He stalks away. "Wild's made food; the least you could do is not let it go to waste."

~o0o~

Phantom picks at his dinner. Like he'd told the Hero of Twilight, he doesn't need it—hasn't bothered with food for a long time, frankly—but refusing to eat after it'd already been doled out to him would be terribly rude. He's not so far gone that he's forgotten all his manners.

He and Aryll sit back-to-back in a ring of people, surrounding the roaring beach fire one of the visitors had made to cook with. It's still odd, feeling something moving and breathing so close to him, but... it’s not so bad when no one’s trying to grab him. He’s fine as long as nothing's moving too quickly in his personal space.

Pressed against his sister now, he remembers the times he'd hug the statues or lean on them for comfort. He throws a few token comments into the soft evening conversation, just to hear those real, actual voices respond to him, and this alone is leagues better than relying on his memory and imagination to fill the silence.

Listening to Aryll’s excited chatter, to the gentle shifting of over a dozen living bodies gathered on the same beach... he realizes how much he’d missed this.

It’s not perfect. But for the first time in a very long while, Phantom finds himself held in the grip of a feeling that could almost pass for peace.

~o0o~

They send Grandma out to sea that night.

Dusk is not the appropriate time for someone to set sail on a long journey. But for her last voyage... the darkness will see her safely to her destination. That’s what the villagers say, at least.

Phantom’s lost his share of people over the years. He hates that he should be used to goodbyes—hates hates hates that this time is different.

(It’s not even that she’s family; he was old enough to remember his parents, after all. No, the difference between Grandma and everyone else he's lost is that he is so much more directly responsible for her death.

He might've loved and missed some of those others comparably, but Grandma... Grandma is one of his mistakes.)

~o0o~

Tetra finally comes to him in the morning.

She’d been avoiding him, and he’d been letting her have her space—no matter how much he ached to have her back again. She had every right to be angry at him, after all.

(He’d failed her. In every way that mattered, he’d failed her.

All that strength and he still couldn’t keep her safe; all that resolve and he still couldn’t get her back before Bellum had dug it’s claws in deeper than he could pry out of her; all that time, and still no Hyrule to show for it. He couldn’t even avenge her, in the end; the traveling heroes had robbed him of that killing blow.)

So of course she’s angry. Of course she’s disappointed in him, of course she's been avoiding him, of course of course.

There is a time and place for regrets, Phantom knows. That time is not now; that place is not here. Not when he’s shoulder-to-shoulder with Tetra—his best friend, his partner, his anchor—finally, finally awake.

And yet. And yet.

She stands next to him without a word. They watch the dawn like that—together, with neither able to bear looking at each other.

~o0o~

The sun is fully up by the time her idiot speaks.

He fingers the mark on the back of his hand in lieu of looking her in the eye. “Do you think the power of the gods could bring her back?” He asks. He doesn’t look at her as he says this, gaze fixed on the distant horizon. “Not forever. Just... just for a little longer.”

She feels cold. “I thought we’d agreed never to make a wish.”

“...Yeah.”

Tetra scowls. “How seriously are you asking? Is this the grief or the insanity talking right now?”

“I... I don’t know.” His eyes belie this—calculating, intent. He’s looking out at the ocean, but she can’t tell what it is he's actually seeing.

“I heard the story from those other heroes. How long?” She grabs him by the arm, yanks him around until he’s forced to look at her. “How long has it been?” She demands.

Link rips himself away from her touch. “I don’t know,” he lies.

She punches him on the arm for that. He winces but she can tell it’s entirely for her benefit; he’s not hurt at all. Her blows don’t reach him anymore.

She probably hasn’t reached him for a long time, now.

“Give it to me,” she demands—suddenly, inexplicably furious. He regards her warily. She barely recognizes him anymore. “This has gone on for long enough. I never should’ve let you try to carry this power alone. Give me the Triforce, Link.”

Link’s eyes narrow. For a moment, Tetra is convinced he’s going to refuse—that she’s going to have to enlist her crew and maybe those outside heroes to hold the idiot down so she can pry the corruption from his hand. 

But no. Link deflates and, for once in his life, makes things easy for her. “Okay,” he agrees, all wilted and sad and nothing like the spunky kid who once demanded a ride to the Forsaken Fortress from her on this very shore.

She lets him twine their hands together, goddess marked to goddess marked. The symbols glow together, synchronized in a way their bearers used to be, and when they open their eyes Tetra has an extra golden triangle on her hand.

The Triforce of Power is a trip. Link’s eyes are blue again, and they widen in alarm when she pins his wrist, when she seizes him by the collar and drags him around like it’s nothing. “That’s not enough,” she growls. “I said, give me the Triforce. All of it, Link.”

“Tetra- what are you-”

“Give it to me!” She shakes him a little. “Now!”

“No! Have you lost your mind-”

She backhands him. It's the easiest thing in the world.

He goes staggering, one hand flying to his cheek and the other reflexively dragging that terribly familiar sword from thin air. He freezes before he can raise it against her. "Tetra...?"

"Fine." She cracks her knuckles. "The hard way, then."

"What are you doing?"

He looks frightened. Of her. Is this what they've come to, now? Tetra could almost laugh, could almost cry. She draws her blade instead of doing either.

"Making sure something like this never happens again," she vows, eyes burning gold, and strikes without holding back.

[dbtskills]

Psychiatric Hospitalization 101

So you’re about to save your own life by going to the hospital- here’s what you need to know:

~disclaimer: I am not a healthcare professional nor have I worked in a hospital. I am simply someone who has been hospitalized multiple times. This is about acute, short-term psych hospitalization. My word is not law~

The Truth

First off, let me tell you the truth. The truth is that being hospitalized is one of the bravest things you can do. You have chosen (or perhaps you haven’t) to save your own life. Not to beat the physical vs mental illness comparison to death, but conceptually this is like going to the hospital with a broken leg to get a cast. You’re treating an acute wound, going to get a tune up, going to a safe place to heal. Unfortunately there is a stigma involved. It’s been decreasing recently and I think you’ll find psych hospitalization is a lot more common than you imagine. But it still exists. You can be proud of taking this step. It will be hard, but you’ve made the right choice.

When to consider hospitalization

Being suicidal is one of the most common reasons for hospitalization. Psychosis, panic attacks, and substance abuse are others. The main factor for choosing to hospitalize is whether you think you can survive the episode you’re having. If you’re even questioning it, hospitalization is probably a good idea. If you’re choosing between your life and the hospital, the hospital is always the right answer even if it doesn’t seem that way at the time.

The process

There are two ways to be hospitalized: through the ER and straight to the unit. The ER is the most common way. Occasionally your therapist or psychiatrist or other healthcare provider will be able to bypass the ER for you and get you straight into a bed on a unit. If you have this opportunity, definitely take it.  

If you go the ER route, you arrive and explain why you’re there. You’ll then be taken back into a room- sometimes a private room, sometimes a communal psych room. Sometimes your phone will be taken. A guard will be stationed near you to ensure you do not hurt yourself or try to run away. You may wait for hours. You’ll see a psychiatrist who will determine whether to commit you to the psych unit or send you home. If they decide to commit you, you’ll be wheeled to the unit.

For me, the worst part of the process is the ER. You’re often helped by healthcare professionals who are judgmental of mental illness or are too busy to enact kindness. It can be a very dehumanizing experience. You may regret coming to the hospital, but you did the right thing. Saving your life is always the right thing. It’s okay to regret it for a bit as long as you follow through.

What to pack

Your belongings will be confiscated upon your arrival but if you have a chance to pack or if you have someone to bring you stuff, consider these:

A warm comfy outfit like sweats (but without a string at the waist!!!!!! take it out or they won’t let you have them!), SOCKS, pjs. Loungewear basically. The hospital provides basic toiletries, socks, and gowns/scrubs/paper pants. They can provide underwear and pads as necessary. Pack a hair brush if you’ve got tangly hair bc whatever they give you will NOT suffice.

You may want to bring your medications just in case the hospital doesn’t have them in their pharmacy but you will not have access to them, all your meds will come from the hospital itself.

Books! Some hospitals have a small library but you can bring your own if they’re deemed appropriate by the staff. They provide stuff like coloring pages, puzzles, games, etc but it can get p boring.

BRING A WRITTEN LIST OF IMPORTANT PHONE NUMBERS. YOUR PHONE WILL BE TAKEN.

You will have to ask to have items you arrived with brought to you from your belongings bag. Occasionally they will be reluctant, but you can self-advocate your way through it. 

On the unit

If you came to the hospital in the evening you may get little sleep that first night. You have to do the intake where they ask you all the questions and you sign a bunch of forms. You must be up for breakfast the next day. That first day you won’t get to choose your own meals but you will fill out a meal card for the next day. 

Most of your day will consist of shuffling between different mental health groups. Mental Health Professionals (often social work masters students) run groups on addiction, coping skills, community resources, gratitude etc etc in addition to your stereotypical group therapy. There are 3 meals a day, snacks available, and lots of downtime. There’s also activity hour where you do crafts or play games. During activity hour in my last hospitalization I painted a cackling coffin (it was October). 10/10. 

You will have a roommate. My experience is that you both mind your own business while being kind and it’s generally okay. 

They will take your blood pressure and vitals at least once a day. It’s annoying but necessary. They may do labs and draw your blood depending on your circumstances. If you have a physical illness as well, it may be a battle to make sure you are seen and treated for that too. All I can say is be your best advocate. 

You will not have your cell phone. This will be stressful at first but hopefully nice after a bit. You can call whomever you want using the hospital phones that are on during downtime. You may have to ask the staff to dial if it’s out of the hospital area code. People can also call you if they know where you are. Do what you need to do but also don’t be the Phone Hogger bc we all want to use it too. 

Visitors are allowed during certain hours. It’s not like a regular hospital visiting situation where they can just sit by your bed for hours. It’s like once a day for an hour you can get a visitor, no more than two at a time or whatever the rules are. No one can visit or call you without your permission. Visits by loved ones are so so nice and make you feel human again. I would encourage finding someone you trust who can visit you. It can make a world of difference. 

"How can I get out faster?”

This is a hack question tbh. I know everything sucks but you are there to heal first and foremost. Generally they release you when the psychiatrist thinks you’re ready to go. The average stay for something like an acute suicidal episode is 3-5 days. That’s enough time in the dr’s eyes for you to stabilize and receive any medication changes. If you are on the unit voluntarily, you can technically leave at any time. I’m not sure I’ve seen anyone insist on it though. Ask your doctors when they are considering releasing you so you can plan. They may change their answer so casually check in now and then.

Go to groups and participate in them. If you're hiding in your room all day the nurses will notice and they do write that down. There may be many people on the unit, but the nurses are keeping track and taking roll. If you can, be open, honest and compliant with your treatment team. Now there’s a part of me that goes “Fuck The System!!!! Fuck being compliant! I am my own woman and my illness is Me and not something to be stigmatized or hidden. Take me to Bitch Planet, bitch!!!” This is totally valid. You just have to decide what is more important to you- being noncompliant in the face of a judgmental system or getting back to the world. As much I want to rebel, my perfectionism and people pleasing tend to kick in by the second day on the unit. 

The aftermath & “what do I tell people?”

When you are being prepped for release, you must have appointments with your outpatient treatment team set up. If you don’t already, the hospital will schedule them for you. If there’s someone who can pick you up, utilize that. Otherwise they may set you up with a cab or something depending on the location. You will be given the bag containing your phone and other belongings upon release. 

It is up to you to decide what to tell people about your stay on the unit. You can be honest with whomever you choose, but you don’t have to be. You can say you were out of town or had a family emergency or whatever you want. It is not your responsibility to break the stigma. If you can and want to, go for it! We will all appreciate it. But you don’t have to advocate if you don’t feel comfortable. I tell many of my friends and family the full truth and then tell others that I was “in the hospital.” If they ask questions I say I don’t want to talk about it. This works better than you might think. (It surprised me how respectful people are when you say you don’t want to talk about something.) Most people won't even ask, tbh. 

It's not all garbage

It’s not all drugged up zombies and Dissociation Time: my last experience was pretty lit. We had morning “stretches” to ‘80s bops. We played Wii bowling. We discussed aliens and conspiracy theories.  In a place with such a heavy stigma on it, it was a surprisingly Shame-Free environment. It was comforting to be in a place where everyone Got It. At night we would get our meds and then drift off to bed one by one as the meds hit to goodnights of “ope, the Seroquel’s kicking in.” The variety of people on the unit proves that mental illness affects everyone, from the college student to the 75-year-old retired man to the soccer mom with 3 kids. And they each have different ways of coping, different perspectives on their situation. These other perspectives can be inspiring, even helpful and you may pick up as many tips from your peers as the actual professionals. Respect your peers, don’t be that person who’s like “why am I, Normal Person, locked up with all these Crazy People?” If you’re in there, you’re all in the same boat. Crazy is a slur and no one there is crazy unless they choose to reclaim the term.

The staff can be quite kind as well. I once had a nurse go down to the gift shop to get me a tiny hair brush for my waist-length tangled hair. He didn’t have to put in that effort but he did. This past time I had an MHP sit with me after a session and develop personalized affirmations that she wrote in my journal with her gorgeous, swooping handwriting. It’s small things like these that end up mattering most in an environment that can feel harsh. There can be great kindness there, under all the rules and regulations, you just have to be open to it.

I’ve made a wide range of friends in hospitals. Ones I’d never have even encountered in real life. Even though we haven’t kept in touch, I think of them often. My roommate with terminal kidney failure who got ECT twice a week but took the time to ask how I was. A recent immigrant from Nepal who didn’t speak any English but with whom I communicated anyway. Sandy, my homeless roommate who gave me all of her toiletries instead of taking them with her. Trevor, a young heroin addict who guarded my chocolate cake when I had a phone call. Curtis, a retired professor deep in psychosis whom we taught to Wii bowl. There are so many different lives that tangle with each other on the unit. In this way I consider it a gift, to have a window into all these different worlds that are connected by this one string. I’ll never see these people again, but I’ll never forget them either. I hope they’re all still out there, getting by.

Getting hospitalized can be one of the scariest and hardest experiences but it is also one of the bravest. You saved your own life. Even if you didn’t bring yourself in, your participation saved it. It is a chance to reorient yourself to life, to recovery. It is a second, a third, a 15th chance. It’s like a terrible mini vacation. Responsibilities are lifted so you can focus on yourself. Utilize it if you can.

Again, my word is not law, it is based on my own experiences on the inside and outside of psych units. Please please reply or send asks with your own information. I know I’m not the only one on here who’s been hospitalized. We are legion. We survived. We survive. 

**Note from Kat: I am trying to learn graphic design (is my passion™) but the struggle is real and it does NOT come naturally so if anyone wants to help hmu!!!!! Can’t pay obvi but can link!**

[terrraaa]

how i think haikyuu characters would use snapchat p2. tanaka and nishinoya

Tanaka

100% has a semi-embarrassing old username that he got to match with noya when the app first came out during their second year

he didnt realize he wouldn’t be able to change his username a month into his use of the app, but didnt even bother making a new account and just accepted it

has a high snap score from his constant snapping with nishinoya and hinata throughout the day, his insistence on updating kiyoko with his accomplishments with a peace sign selfie, and the many group chats he is in

i think like a 130,000 snap score seems to fit him, he doesnt fit the stereotype of snapping a lot of girls constantly but would definitely be constantly talking to friends

posts on his main story maybe twice a day

sometimes will post a random shirtless selfie at like 1am, but everyone thinks its some weird ironic humor when in reality he just cant remember what happened

doesnt get self conscious of people seeing into his life, so there’ll probably be some videos of him and saeko doing some dumb shit at home every other week

saeko always asks for him to @ her all the time and he always refuses

selfies and videos with the team are a common occurrence of tanakas snapchat stories

some examples of the above would be:

a shaky video with LOTS of laughter in the background of kageyama chucking a ball at 70mph at hinatas face

a video of nishinoya running across the gym to try and climb tsukishima in the shortest possible time he can manage (whispering “ready? Go!” and noya zooming across the gym to launch himself at the blond, who immediately squirmed and protested and yelled while noya grabbed his flailing arms and continued to haul himself up. this video was one of tanaka’s prized possessions, and he kept an extra copy of it in his my eyes only after tsukishima threatened to steal his phone and erase it when he found out he was recording)

videos of the bus after games, featuring all the sleeping members of the team

and during the class noya and tanaka shared they would always sit in the back and push their desks together so they could film “vlogs” together and talk to the phone for a whole ass minute until the teacher would notice

basically, tanaka gets all the funniest content imaginable, and man am i gonna write down a whole post-worth of videos he’s probably taken

Nishinoya

doesnt have a bitmoji because of the limited hair options it has

he says nothing “capture his essence” enough to make it worth having one

has the highest snap score of the karasuno team, at least 500,000

pls he’s so social but would also spam the shit out of his friends

mutual besties with tanaka OF COURSE, and they still have a streak going from when the feature first came out

he LOVES group chats and will abuse them for the first week of him being added, but after that you’ll never see him again

has a private story that basically everyone is on

used to repost those cringe story chain mail things, as well as doing tbhs, and would do this so often that asahi had to stage an intervention

he also gets a lot of the funny content just like tanaka but his camera-skills tend to be a bit shakier and off focus

has a series of himself walking into school each morning and chatting to the phone

i feel like he’d be the type to ask to go to the bathroom, and then just wander the halls for 5 minutes

whenever he does that, he walks by his friends classrooms and tries to sneak pictures reaaaally zoomed in on their face

probably sends it to them, and records their reaction as they get the notification and open it

the first time he did this to asahi, he nearly gave the poor boy a heart attack because he hadn’t read the notification name and all asahi had seen was a really creepy angle of his own face

uses his my eyes only for “macho poses” of himself flexing or posing shirtless in the mirror, and one time tsukishima broke into it after threatening to for weeks and laughed his ass off in front of the team for 5 minutes after seeing them all

i have a personal hc that nishinoya is one of the members of the team who is super into physical affection (platonically)

so he takes a bunch of selfies with his friends with him posing to kiss their cheek, or with an arm around them

lots of hug videos, some taken by tanaka of him running up to hug some of his more reluctant teammates ( *cough cough* kageyama and tsukki)

they always track him down after practice and ask him to send them the pictures so they can save them

always has the BEST material for posting on peoples birthdays

basically, noya’s snapchat would feature other people a lot more than it would him, and he can’t go a day without “1 year ago today” memories

doesnt regret a moment of his spamming, and is super happy he gets to look back on all these good times they had together

- man now i have so many ideas of what these two would post, i think ill make a separate post just for specific videos and photos they would have

[ss-trashboat]

hi so. i’ve been contemplating sharing it anywhere since it exploded out last wednesday but. i’m gonna go for it and if i get slapped with the usual disappointment, well then i’ll just hoard them if more possibly happen and share with squad i guess.

for those who are new and don’t know, i used to write a lot. i had a whole novel idea out (i still want to write it tbh but lol feels) and have multiple universes of characters i worked with. however, being mentally ill combined with losing every writing piece i’ve worked on after my external hard drive corrupted itself, it’s left me with very weird emotions to my own writing and actually writing things.

welp, thanks to “folklore” giving me creative inspiration, i wrote a thing for the first time in over a year. and i’m gonna drop it here with hopes that maybe it can help rebuild my feelings towards writing. it’s an original thing, as i rarely write any pure fandom things (and if i do it’s primarily marvel ocxcanon things so lol), and this is part of a universe i created that takes place in the marvel verse so. take a gander if you want, and let me know what you think please?

"When you are young, they assume you know nothing"

He had heard it more times than he could count. Whether it was branching out, trying to make friends with the wrong kind of people, or a simplistic version softly slipping from the brunet's lips in a moment of his ramblings, it still stuck with him. He wasn't sure how he felt about it really. Of course when he was around members of the older generation, he seemed to pick up on the vibes they were giving. That younger people didn't really know anything, or they weren't as knowledgeable as the older crowd.

It infuriated him more than anything, though with the light of recent events, maybe there was some right to their words. Maybe instead of not knowing anything, they were just more gullible, or more hopeful when there was disappointment surrounding them with every passing year it seemed. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't a victim to that type of thinking. He more than anyone he knew held onto that tiny shred of hope for the future, and yet, he still ended up in the same place.

Leaning his head back to rest on the cool wooden surface of the bench, he blew a light trail of smoke from his mouth, watching as it faded into the night sky. It frustrated him, the fact that he still sat here in the usual spot, even though now he was only a half of the norm he had finally gotten adjusted to. Looking around was every familiarity the pair had claimed a memory for.

He sat up a bit, his gaze moving over to the streetlight, a bittersweet smile crossing his lips. It didn’t take much to envision the brunet in one of his rare drunken stupors, twirling around the light as he laughed that he was perfecting his next career opportunity. He had even pulled the pink haired man closer to him, gently shoving his hands up the baggy purple sweatshirt as he tried his best to do a standing lap dance.

And then he was snapped to reality. That he sat there alone now.

The smile soon dropped to a sneer, taking a drag off the cigarette in his hand as he pushed himself off from the bench. He wasn’t sure where he was headed next, all he knew was that he didn’t want to go home. The last thing he wanted to face was another night in an empty apartment he wasn’t even sure how he was going to afford for much longer. He was tired, but not in the way that a night’s sleep could fix.

Slowly stopping in his tracks, he was met with the streetlight that had been on his mind only a moment ago. He reached his hand up to brush it against the cool metal, softly tracing the details with his fingertips. How one simple object that everyone saw in their daily life could make someone forget everything reality had brought, just to give back one of the good days he wished he could experience again.

But given the option, would he?

He dropped his hand from the streetlight, bringing the cigarette to his lips as he shook his head. On and off, just like the light, was their entire relationship it felt like. Dimmer in the day when everyone was in view, but brighter in the evening when it was only them and the dark that night brought. Not to mention that everyone knew when it was broken, and everyone would come and try their hardest to fix it.

But unlike the streetlight, not even the most expert mechanic could fix what had gone wrong for them.

Leaving the trail of smoke in the air, he dropped the cigarette remains on the ground, stomping them out before shoving his hands in his pocket and moving on. If he stayed there any longer he knew he’d dig out his phone and do something he’d regret. He had already done it countless times before, always ending up with the same results, just to meet the same fate he was in now. Only now, now seemed to be the worst it had ever been.

He could feel the shape of the phone in his pocket as his fingertips brushed over it, his eyes dropping to the cobblestone path underneath his feet. He could only imagine how many messages were awaiting him if he brought it out, no doubt Wynn had already been blowing it up once the brunet had gotten back and told her what had happened.

How he had swallowed his pride and went over to the apartment, only to meet the dead eyes of the pink-haired man who couldn’t have even bothered to put his contact in. How Ian had given the same ordeal he probably had memorized at this point. How it was just his “clientele,” even though he had swore he was done with it. How it meant nothing, that Nate was blowing it out of proportion with what he saw.

And how Nate then slammed the door in his face, telling the brunet he never wanted to see him, let alone be touched by him ever again.

All that had engulfed his brain in that moment was everyone’s reactions when they had found out. That they knew what kind of man Ian was. He had been in questionable situations since he was sixteen, being wrapped up with the wrong people. He would pretend to love someone for a night, using his abilities to give them the time they had only thought of, only to take his paycheck and leave before the morning sun could break. Nate would always defend it, saying he wasn’t the best either, even having three years in prison to back his claims up, so maybe they were meant for each other.

He’d try his best to explain it, that what they saw and knew wasn’t what he knew. How he knew that the brunet’s laugh was one of the sweetest sounds he had ever experienced, and he would try everything he could so he could hear it. How Ian’s own self-deprecating humor matched his own, possibly being worse than Nate could ever imagine his being, leading him to question if it was even a joke anymore or his own self-hatred oozing out. How the pink-haired man had seen him at his worst, broken after a nightmare brought him back to the night he had his youth ripped away from him and led to the life he now lived.

They claimed they knew him, but Nate knew him too, in a way that no one else could possibly ever know.

Reaching a hand out from his pocket, he brushed it against his face, trying to not notice the slight dampness around his eyes. The last thing he needed was to have a moment out in the open, with the possibility of running into one of their mutuals and seeing him look like the wreck he was on the inside. If he could run to his apartment before it exploded, that would be the best outcome.

But why. What was the point of going home. What was the point of anything at this point.

He didn’t know what he felt anymore. He felt deceived, like he had been lied to and led on this entire time. That even though he was the first to ever get close to the brunet, the first he ever uttered those three words to, he was still thrown to the side like last year’s old cardigan that was no longer useful. They had gotten knee deep into each other’s lives, digging through every detail of the skeletons they had locked away in their closets, bared their souls and every fear they both had.

Just to find the brunet in the arms of a busty blonde, watching her manhandle Ian in a way the other man couldn’t ever dream of doing.

Maybe he was lying to himself this whole time. How it wasn’t true when Ian would say he’d always go home to him, that Nate was his favorite. How maybe the person he had fallen for wasn’t real and was just a facade he had hoped the brunet would be. How everyone had been right, that he really didn’t know anything. How he was right and that he’d end up alone.

Brushing his sleeve across his face to take the tears away from his eyes, he pressed on to the familiar building he had called home, though it didn’t feel much like home anymore. He probably should instead examine the alleyways leading to the building beforehand, as he was sure he’d be claiming one of them as his own before he knew it. He just wasn’t sure about much of anything anymore. His whole life was once again crumbling before his eyes, and for once he couldn’t blame it on his abilities. No, instead he could blame it on being naive and not listening to everyone in the beginning, for falling for the wrong person and having his heart become his own personal punching bag.

And as much as he hated to admit it, given the chance, he’d probably go back to him. Just to have it all happen again.

He froze in his tracks, slowly lifting his gaze to meet another familiar sight. Instead of heading to his own apartment building, his subconscious had brought him to the building that his group of friends called home. His heart rose a bit, seeing the lights on in the room he had been in too many times to count. If the lights in Ian’s room were on, that meant he was there, and given what hour of the night it was, it meant he wasn’t out “working.”

Watching as the familiar figure appeared in the window, his eyes widened as he saw Ian look down at him, like he had known he was going to show up there. Or, maybe more, the brunet had hoped Nate would arrive, much like he had hoped that this had all been a horrible nightmare he was having and that he’d wake up in Ian’s arms that he had gotten accustomed to. Yet there they both were, knowing the events of the week were unfortunately real, and Nate would openly admit that he’d punch the brunet square in the face if given the chance after what Ian had put him through.

He thought about it, going up there and screaming every emotion he was feeling in the moment. But why. Just so Ian could twist his words that he did so well and the pink haired main would be wrapped around his finger and end up back in his bed. And as much as he hated to admit it, he would be fine with it. It would mean he’d be back in the brunet’s arms and it could maybe feel normal again.

No.

A sneer fell back on his face as he shook his head, watching as Ian turned away from the window. As much as he wanted that closure, to hope that it was the brunet having a moment of being inconsiderate and that what he had been saying was true, Nate just. Couldn’t do it to himself again. Not after this time.

No, Ian was going to have to work hard to even have the pink haired man’s time of day, let alone be able to step foot in his apartment again. Nate wasn’t going to throw away his feelings, his pain, just to be able to have peace of mind again. He knew he could do better, that he deserved better, and if that meant doing as Ian himself had suggested and leaving to live full-time at the school, he’d do it.

Before the brunet could look his way again, Nate spun on his heels to head in the direction of his building. He knew this wasn’t going to be the last time he’d end up here, or have Ian at his doorstep, but he needed time. Time for the pain to heal and to eventually listen to whatever bullshit spewed out of the brunet’s mouth, hoping that maybe it would be what he hoped for instead of Ian ending up with a fist in his face. Whatever it ended up being, he’d try to be ready, even if being ready meant packing up his bags and leaving it all behind. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever be ready to leave, but if it’s what it came do, he’d do whatever was best for him and whatever sanity he had left.

[kirishwima]

I am also very much MM trash, especially for Uknown and 707. So if you don’t mind me asking, do you have headcanons for either when MC is dealing with depression?? [Youre headcanons are amazing btw I keep dying when I read them aHaHhhhhhh ❤️🧡🖤🥰💜💖💕🥺]

hey! thank you for the sweet comment, it makes me really happy ;u;

YOOSUNG:

* He’s actually much more perceiving than you’d give him credit for-even if MC tries to hide their mental illness, he’ll still notice the little signs, the lethargy, the strained smiles, the half-heartedly hidden furstration

* He doesn’t really put two and two together at first-his MC is so sweet and nothing like what the movies portray depression to be

* He does get concerned however when there’s days where MC barely has the energy to get out of bed, when they’ll either eat too little or sleep too much, and he decides he needs to push them for answers.

* He’ll drag MC to the couch, will make the two of them some hot chocolate and take a hold of their hand, letting them know he’s noticed their behavior and wants to check in with them, make sure everything’s alright

* When he finds out MC has depression, he might ask some somewhat rude questions ‘but how can you be depressed? you’re so sweet and happy!’. He’ll spend hours reading up on depression online, from wikepedia to pubmed.com, he’ll scour the net for information on what he can do to help MC.

* Will try and get them to go on at least a brisk walk every day to get some excersice and sunlight; he’ll cook them meals and sit with them as long as it takes to eat even a little, and if they haven’t already, he’ll talk to them and try to convince them to visit a psychiatrist to start therapy for their mental health.

* Just wants the best for his MC, and if he can’t be the one to provide the help they need, then he’ll be sure to help them get access to it

JAEHEE:

* Honestly…it might take her a while to catch on to what’s going on

* She’s a busy person and while perceptive, she might not immediatly put two and two together. Sure, she’s noticed MC often sleeps in or stays up late, and sometime she’ll nag at them to eat proper meals, but she just figured it’s how MC is-lots of people are night owls and picky eaters right?

* She realises there’s a deeper problem when once, while asking MC for something e.g to turn on the kettle, MC snaps at her, and immediatly regretting it-MC’s eyes fill up with tears and they cover their mouth, scared of how Jaehee will react.

* Well, she certaintly doesn’t react the way they expected her to-she simply stops whatever she was going and comes close to MC, cusping their cheeks between her palms.

* She kisses the tips of their nose as she guides them to the kitchen table, nodding to them to sit down.

* “I don’t….you know I care for you right? And if there’s something wrong, something you’d like to want to talk about, then I want to be the person you feel safe talking to about it. So, is there something you want to tell me?”

* When MC tells her about their depression, she keeps her face as neutral as possible. She feels a pang of guilt in her gut for not realising it sooner, but knows that that’s not what’s important right now. 

* Instead she asks MC if she’s seeing a therapist or taking any medications, and if so how it’s going, what their therapist suggests that could help e.t.c.

* She reads up on depression and looks for things she can do to help MC.

* She’ll constantly nag at them to eat and sleep properly, and in turn it also helps her set up healthy sleep scedhules and meal prepping-and it makes her so happy to see MC standing there with her in the kitchen, cooking their meals for the week together. 

* It’s not always a rosy path, but she’ll do whatever she can to help the one she loves.

ZEN:

* He’s also a busy man with an insanely busy scedhule, so quite frankly, he doesn’t really notice something’s wrong 

* He sees MC’s cyclothymic mood and is worried about it-one moment they’ll be happy and giggling at something he said, the next they’re distant, furstrated even if he tries to probe at what the matter is

* He decides to try and take a few days off, simply to be at home with MC, see if maybe they’re acting this way because they feel he’s neglecting them

* Well, as soon as he spends a couple of days spending more time with MC, he puts the pieces together and more or less realises what’s wrong-he’s been through a depressive slump more than once through the years, and while it wasn’t quite what MC seems to be going through, he can tell what the most probable cause of their behavior is

* He sits them down and traces their jaw with his fingertips, smiling softly at them. “Baby, if something’s wrong you’d tell me right? You know I’m your knight in shining armor. If something’s bothering you, then I need to know so I can kick it in the butt for tormenting my darling.”

* When MC talks to him about their depression he nods along, his smile shakey-he hates the thought of his baby going through such things, and wishes their depression could be a dragon he could slay, somehting he could take and destroy-but he knows there’s little he himself can do.

* “What if...” he starts, “what if we talk to Jumin about this, ask him to recommend us some good therapists? I’ll be there to help you every step of the way baby, you know that, but I think this is something that requires more help than I or you yourself can give you. What do you say?”

* He’ll of course help MC improve their daily life-he’ll drag them with him for morning jogs, will sit them on the hilt of the bathtub as he places facemasks and strawberry slices on their face for some pampering self-care; he’ll really be their knight in shining armour, only in this case, it’ll be the prince/princess that will slay the dragon themselves. He’ll just be there to give a helping hand whenevr needed.

JUMIN:

* He notices that something’s wrong right away

* This man is so observant, it’ll take him no time at all to notice MC’s sleeping and eating patterns, their mood changes and isolation.

* It pains him so much to see his beloved in such a state, and wonders what he could do to help. 

* He actually consults V, knowing his experience with Rika and how he could have more solid advice to give.

* V instead gives him the number of Rika’s past therapist, an excellent psychiatrist he strongly recommends MC visits. He explains to Jumin that even with the best intentions he may have, this isn’t something simple love and care for one another can solve-this is a health issue, same as any other ailment of the body.

* Jumin takes some time before talking to MC about it-he wants to be composed and sure of what he wants to tell them before having this conversation, wanting to be as efficient in helping them as possible.

* He’ll prepare a romantic dinner on the terrace for the two of them and lead MC there, prodding them discreetly throughtout the night to tell him if something’s bothering them.

* Eventually, if they don’t tell him what’s wrong, he’ll admit to noticing their behavior and figuring these are tell-tale signs of clinical depression. He reminds them how much he loves them and how he always wants what’s best for them, and mentions the therapist V told him about, saying that if MC’s willing, he’ll take them for an appointment there first thing in the morning.

* He’ll constantly check on MC even if he’s at work, and if he’s unable to be there to have lunch and dinner with them, he’ll call them during mealtimes, or even have a videochat to make sure they’re eating properly. 

* He’ll even fix his own sleep scedhule so that they can also sleep properly, and will prepare some Valerian root tea for them both before bed to help relax and sleep better.

* Whatever MC needs to get better, he’ll provide, always

SEVEN/SAEYOUNG:

* Lmao this boy is absolotuely definitely clinically depressed

* (I headcanon he might have a combo of anxiety-depression, which are very often intelinked and found together. My best guess is that he has some form of PTSD considering his past, and when he panics he self-isolates and becomes non-verbal ((something i also do orz)))

* The moment he and MC start living together he immediatly knows what’s up-they have similar symptoms as he does, and while he wants nothing more than to help them...he honestly doesn’t know how

* He never seeked help for his own mental health, and he never tried to really work on himself either, so he has no advice nor help he can offer.

* But god dammit he will NOT let the person he loves suffer like this!

* He’ll take some time before talking to MC, and when he does it’ll probably be spontaneous-he’ll be holding them close to his chest one late night when they’re both away, running his hand through their hair before breaking down, telling them about his own experiences with depression and his past, and tells them how he noticed their own patterns and behavior, and begs them to seek out some help. 

* MC makes a compromise-they’ll seek help only if Seven does too

* He reluctantly agrees-it’s a long uphill slippery road to recovery, and trying to help both themselves and one another is much harder than you’d think, and fights often ensue, but love always prevails-they both want to see each other happy, want to be the best version of themselves for each other, an they’ll keep fighting until they reach the point where they can fully support one another through it all.

V/JIHYUN:

* He’s been diagnosed with depression years ago

* He pretty much knew something was wrong ever since he was young, but never really understood just what that was-he only got his diangosis when he was an adult and decided on his own accord to visit a therapist after Rika started seeing one too

* He’s been on anti-depressants for a few years now, and has monthly therapy sessions, something which to him is both a blessing and a curse-there’s so many secrets burdening him that he can’t mention neither to his therapist nor to anyone else, but he also wants to better himself, not for his sake, but for the sake of the RFA-he wants to be the best leader he can be.

* When he and MC move in together, he instantly knows they’re also suffering with depression. It breaks his heart to see them go through the same pain he has gone through, and wastes no time in talking to them about it.

* He’s very open and honest about his own struggles with it, how much therapy and medications helped him, and how he wants to help MC find their footing too, that he loves them too much to see them hurt like this.

* If he could physically pull their mental illness out of them and take it onto himself he would, he really would, but he knows it’s impossible, so he does the next best thing-he drives MC to one of the best psychiatrists he knows, waits outside until their session is over, drives with them to the pharmacy to pick up their prescription, holding their hand tight.

* They’ll help one another with bettering their lifestyle-they’ll push one another to wake up ealrly in the morning and do some yoga, will take walks together when the weather’s nice, will find different hobbies they could work on-V picks up pottery and he really loves it, and if MC is into gardening, he’ll make wonderful flower pots for them to put their plants into.

* They remind one another to take their medications-V is surprisingly forgetful so they set up reminders for each of them. 

* He never wants MC to go through anything that he has, and will be there to support them no matter what-he loves them, he wants to see them grow, and he’ll do whatever it takes to see his beloved happy and healthy.

- If you’re suffering with mental illness or suspect you might, PLEASE SEEK HELP WHENEVR POSSIBLE. The proper combination of therapy, medication and lifestyle changes really DOES help and you deserve to be happy and healthy!-

-Send me scenarios/headcanons for the mystic messenger characters to react to!-

[brokenmusicboxwolfe]

Sorry about this rant. I wrote this early on today, saved it to go do something, then never got back to it. I’m posting it because I hate deleting after wasting time writing it.

 In case you are wondering, the day did not get better. I ended up cutting brush (something “useful”) instead of going to the woods. The flies would have gotten me either way....

So you wanna know what kind of day it is?

 It’s a day where after just three hours of sleep you start discovering new things you need to worry about, things start breaking, and even tiny things go wrong. All the bites, injuries, and other physical aggravations are, um, aggravated. You discover that the power company cutting trees near powerlines did some  damage, which isn’t technically “a problem” but is upsetting. Even your pets are in a grumpy mood. And then, when you try to call the one person you have to vent to, they are too busy to talk today, but you end up discovering new reasons to worry.

Obviously the thing to do now is to take a walk in the woods and temporarily escape all the troubles.....

Except the deer flies are swarming. Step out of the house and get eaten alive.

***sigh***

I’d wish I’d stayed in bed if I had the luxury of actually doing that.

No, seriously, anyone that can spend a day being non-functional I envy. It must be lovely to know you have someone that will check you are still alive and temporarily take on some of your responsibilities if you are starting to crack.

 Even in the old days, I never got to stay in bed all day when I was sick. If you want to eat, you’d have to go get it. If you can stand to do something, you’d do it. If you were really bad off you could rest, but the only way you did that all day was if you were at death’s door. It’s just the way we always were. We’d help each other, but everyone expected to keep going until we dropped. You do as much as you can take, and you push it as far as you can. 

 The day after a wreck that gave me a concussion, broken ribs, and smashed elbows I was home alone, but I didn’t rest. I spent my day feeling horrible, but still, gently as I could, unloading a trailer full of stuff that had been in the wrecked pickup, cooking a meal, dragging a small boat up the driveway, and so forth. No one was making me do it, but I knew these things needed doing, and technically I could. Resting felt lazy and neglecting what needed doing, and that’s knowing that my folks would be back that evening. 

But now there are no folks to get things done if I can’t. What I don’t do doesn’t get done. Back then, of course, the idea of staying in bed for emotional reasons would have been unthinkable. 

The family wasn’t cruel or anything, but emotional difficulties were supposed to be ignored or contained before they got in the way of doing things. You can get over it if you just want to, you don’t have to be weak, there isn’t anything wrong with you but you aren’t trying hard enough, there is no point in giving in to your feelings... I don’t mean you couldn’t cry or rage. You could express them, but that was it. Express but don’t indulge. You didn’t have to fake being happy, but you also couldn’t stop. 

I guess they were always ashamed if me, quitely, unspoken, a sad regret and exasperation with me. Oh, generally I was always a “keep going” person too, but that was with physical stuff. Chores to do, difficult tasks, problems to solve... Social things were different. 

Stuff happened in kindergarten. Bad stuff. And school proved total hell. I changed in several ways, dramatically and suddenly. Critically, I’d been a fearless extrovert and and I became a frightened introvert almost overnight. 

Yeah, nowadays parents would probably see my changes as something to be concerned about. They would wonder what had happened to me. But back then it was assumed to be just a shyness phase. I was being over sensitive and needed to tough up. “Obviously” I would if I just wanted to. 

So I ended up the one member of the family that didn’t just “get over” emotionally upsetting things as easily as I could injuries or illnesses. I could always push past fear or pain when the problem was physical, and I’m still great at that. Anxiety around peopling, however, could stop me. I have the distinction of being the first member of my family in generations to not graduate college, but not because of any lack of intellectual capacity. My stress around people, humans being FAR more dangerous than any rattlesnake, should have been something I could defeat, but instead it defeated me. 

You know, I’d sometimes say how pathetic and weak I’d been because I’d let myself be broken in elementary school. Mom would roll her eyes and say I’d never broken in my life. I could never get her to understand we were talking about different things. She was talking about my willingness to go against the crowd and defy those in power. She was thinking of the me that goes fearless when guns point at me, who insisted on giving a speech/rant about how the school system must change (did it? Hardly) instead of the expected Valedictorian glop, and nearly took on a cop for kicking a cat. 

Those are the easy things. The big things. If it involves something I consider morally and ethically wrong, if it involves abuse or bullies, if it involves anyone so much as attempting to force to compromise my beliefs I forget to be afraid. Defiance and resistance are almost intoxicating actually. To confront an enemy and refuse to yield to their threats or violence can make you feel strong, even as they erode you physically. TBH, I wonder how much of what allows people to become martyrs is just the brain going “FUCK YOU” to a force that wants them to reshape their soul. 

You know, it’s probably good I’m broke and live in a town of less than 500 people. I’d probably have gotten myself killed at a protest by now. 

The smaller things get me. The normal things. The things others shrug off or never even notice. Send me against an army, but don’t send me into a store with no customers and an eager salesperson ready to “help”! 

So as far as I am concerned I am the coward, the weak and broken one, the one that knows she should let nothing stop her but then fails. The fact I am unfliching with things others fear means nothing when things that hardly bother “normal” people terrify me.

Anyway, to get back to the point, emotionally screwy as I am, I have always tried to keep going. 

Relentlessly bullied in school I’d still get up every damn morning and go to that hell hole. Once a year I’d have a sort of “break down” day in the spring, and I’d run off into to the woods and hide long enough to miss the beginning of classes. When I did that my parents never made me go, and we wouldn’t really talk about it. I’d just help Pop out in the shop the rest the day, and it would be back to school the next day with a note saying I’d been sick. 

And I guess that was my equivalent of staying in bed. Well, except with out the bed or getting to not do anything. Because no matter how miserable I felt I had to get up and be useful.

Back then if I honestly couldn’t do something it would still get done. Mom or Pop would take care of my chores if I was too sick or hurt, if my ingrained sense of responsibility would allow me to let them. Theoretically, if I could shut off my instinct to do, and ignore the family expectation that I try to do, I could have stayed in bed. It’s the beauty of having people that love you.

But now I’m alone. I have to get up or the animals don’t get fed. I have a multitude if things that need repairing or taking care of, including living in a literally collapsing house (the House of Usher I call it)  I have to cook my meals and do my laundry amd wash my dishes and....I really hate doing those things. Well, Iove the animals, but the rest is either overwhelming and complex or boring and tedious. No one will help me. 

So now I spend a lot of time fantasizing about staying in bed all day. I dream about having someone just honestly care and offer a hand they don’t pull back when I reach for it. I daydreamed one day about someone checking on me, amd finding me sick they insist I go to bed while they feed the animals and fix me soup. I started sobbing when I thought about it, a fantasy as unrealistic for me as trying to imagine imagine how you will soend your fortune when you win the lottery. 

The people that have a cushion of love, be they friends or family, don’t fuckin’ know how lucky they are. I understand, because once upon a time I had people that loved me too. Just because we tried never to use that cushion doesn’t mean it wasn’t comforting to know it was there.

[manage-mischief]

The Negative

PART ONE

Read on AO3 here. 

Summary: Two-shot inspired by the song from “Waitress.” In which Tonks knows something’s wrong—she just doesn’t want to admit it to herself. Good thing Molly and Fleur are there to offer some support.

Author’s Note: This fic is inspired by the song from “Waitress,” the musical. If you haven’t heard it, definitely give it a listen. Some of the dialogue is included here. This work is focused on Tonks as a character, because she was really underdeveloped in the last book. Since we clearly saw Remus freak out when he found out about Teddy, this is me assuming that Tonks did, too. I tried to get the timeline right as best as possible. It’s a bit confusing in the Deathly Hallows, tbh. Anyways, here’s the story. Equal parts fluff and angst. I’m new to fanfic writing, so any kind feedback is appreciated! P.S. I refuse to write Fleur’s dialogue in that horrid French-style that JK used. I omitted her “h’s,” but that’s it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or Waitress. What I do own is…nothing. I own nothing.

“Come now, poppet. It’s better to know,” Molly cooed as she rubbed Tonks’ back in slow, soothing circles.

“It is probably nothing,” Fleur nodded encouragingly.

Tonks withdrew her head from between her knees to glare at the Frenchwoman. It sure as hell wasn’t nothing.

The last few months of her life had been absolutely perfect. After a long and arduous battle, Tonks had finally dragged Remus down the aisle. Well…it was a lot more romantic than she made it sound. The couple had wed in a small, intimate ceremony earlier that summer. They both knew there was no stopping the impending darkness of war that was fast approaching, but nonetheless, had decided to spend whatever time they had left together: a massive “up yours” to Voldie and his goons.

True, life since their union had been a bit hectic. When they weren’t working undercover for the Order, they spent all of their time together in their bedroom—the only room in their small London flat that got any proper use. Undoubtedly, that’s how Tonks had ended up in her current predicament. After being late, followed by several days of morning sickness, she was fairly certain she was pregnant.

“Here, we have the test, we’ll soon find out. It will all be fine.” The kindly ginger handed her a cookie and a cup of tea.

Merlin bless Molly Weasley. After concluding that her illness may be more than a common stomach bug, Tonks had visited The Burrow straight away. She wasn’t exactly sure why. She could have gone to her parents’ place, both of whom would have been thrilled about their daughter’s growing family. Somehow, though, the prospect of going to her mum and dad with such news had terrified her. It made the situation more real. And Tonks was not ready to accept that any of this was really happening. 

It wasn’t that she didn’t want kids. In all honesty, she had never really thought about it. She still felt like a kid herself. Plus, with the current violence sweeping their world, now was certainly not the time to be thinking about new life. She had never even discussed the prospect of a family with Remus. But, she was sure that even if he did want children—something she slightly doubted, given his anxieties about his condition—he would agree that now was nowhere near the proper time to start a family. Oh Merlin. She hadn’t yet considered how Remus would react. Her nausea returned. She groaned and brought her head back between her knees.

“Oh my, is she going to be alright?” Fleur questioned Molly as if Tonks wasn’t there. “She looks like she is going to faint! Poor thing!”

“Maybe I’d feel better if I broke your nose,” Tonks growled.

“It must be the ‘ormones,” Fleur remarked, throwing a look of pity in Tonks’s direction. That did it. Tonks rose from her chair, fully intending to draw her wand and wipe that look off of the blonde’s pretty little face. Molly was quicker. She firmly placed herself in between the two younger witches.

“Alright now, let’s all calm down and let Tonks take her test.”

“Calm down? Calm down?!” Tonks was shaking. “How can I calm down! This is a bloody disaster! I’m… I’m not ready for any of this. Remus isn’t ready!” Her voice broke. She collapsed back into her chair. Merlin’s pants, she had never been so emotional before in her life! Perhaps Fleur had been right about the hormones.

Molly kneeled in front of the anxious witch and stroked her hair. “We don’t even know if there’s anything to panic about yet. Let’s not jump to conclusions.”

“So, you think there’s a chance I’m not pregnant?”

Molly pursed her lips. “Well there’s always a chance,” she replied, unconvincingly. “But you’ll feel better once you know for sure. Isn’t that right, Fleur? Don’t you think Tonks should take the test and find out?”

“Oh yes. It will be much better to know for sure. I ‘ope you drank enough of your tea. Apparently, this Muggle test requires you to pee on it! Quite odd!” Fleur cheerfully opened the little box containing the pregnancy test they had hastily picked up at the pharmacy in town. Tonks was hoping to avoid a trip to St. Mungo’s until she deemed it absolutely necessary. There were too many prying eyes at the hospital for her liking. Merlin forbid some loose-lipped colleague of hers spotted her in the Magical Maternity Ward…

She sat up properly. “Alright. What do I do with that thing?”

Molly walked across the small kitchen to Fleur’s side. “Read us the instructions, Fleur. What does the box say?”

“’N’insérez pas le bâton dans vôtre…’”

“English, Fleur!”

“’Do not insert the test stick into your vagina.’”

Molly rolled her eyes, exasperated. “Wow! Thank you, Fleur!”

“I am sorry. That is obvious…I am getting nervous!”

“You’re getting nervous?” Tonks wasn’t sure she had made the right decision by coming to Molly’s after all.

At least all of the antics allowed for a momentary distraction. She joined the Weasley women on the other side of the kitchen. “Fine. Gimme the damn stick!” She yanked it from Fleur’s hands and headed for the loo, slamming the door behind her.

Sitting down on the toilet, she stared at the small object in her hands. What would this mean for her marriage? Was a kid really something she was ready to handle? She was snapped out of the beginnings of what would have been the day’s fifty-seventh panic attack by the sound of scuffling outside the bathroom door.

“I cannot ‘ear peeing. ‘As she done it yet?”

“Shhhh, give her some privacy! She’s clearly terrified, poor thing. Why, I remember when I found out about Bill…”

Oh, for the love of…

“I can hear you, you know!” Tonks shouted. The whispering stopped. Footsteps quickly retreated from the door. After a few more moments of existential crisis, she finally took the test.

Tonks emerged from the loo and found her companions sitting inconspicuously at the table. Molly was staring blankly at a copy of Witch Weekly, while Fleur was holding the latest issue of The Daily Prophet, whistling. Both were failing miserably in their attempts to act casual. Fleur peeked her head out above the paper. “Oh, are you finished? I ‘ave been reading the news this whole time. I did not notice. Did you know Rita Skeeter is writing a book about Dumbledore?”

Tonks rolled her eyes. “Fascinating. So, how do I find out the results?” She shook the stick, which she had wrapped in toilet paper, as it was now covered in her pee. She wrinkled her nose. Did Muggles really live like this?

Fleur dug the paper instructions out of the empty cardboard box. “You will ‘ave to wait three minutes, and then lines will appear. One line means it is negative and two means it is positive.”

“Well, let’s focus on the negative, shall we?” Tonks sarcastically quipped, flopping down beside Molly at the table. She picked up The Daily Prophet that Fleur had been pretending to read and immediately regretted it. The headlines stood out in thick, black ink as she flipped through the pages.

Five Wizards Killed in Mystery Attack

The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore: Rita Skeeter Reports

Dolores Umbridge Continues Crusade Against Half-Breeds, Muggle-Borns

She hastily crumpled up the newspaper and tossed it into the hearth. Molly and Fleur stared at her, surprised.

“Piece of rubbish, anyways,” Tonks whispered. In reality, she had been frightened. Too many horrible things were happening in the world, and the thought of bringing a child into being at such a time felt extremely irresponsible. “How long has it been?”

“Thirty-six seconds.”

“Dammit.”

“Thirty-eight seconds…”

“Okay!”

“Thirty-nine…”

“Let’s change the subject, shall we?” Molly came to the rescue, yet again. “Fleur how is construction on the cottage going?”

“Oh, it is quite wonderful! Bill ‘as been marvelous. ‘E ‘as built it so our room overlooks the sea. It is very beautiful. I cannot wait to move in for real. And I am sure you will be glad when we are out of your ‘air, Molly.”

“Oh, no, I will miss you both dearly,” Molly assured her daughter-in-law, though the hint of excitement in her words betrayed her. Though the two women had got on much better since Bill’s attack, their very different personalities often clashed. It was probably best for the both of them to get some distance.

Tonks’s leg was bouncing up and down at the table as she fruitlessly attempted to take her mind off of the time that seemed to be moving cursedly slow. “How long has it been, now?”

“One minute and twenty-three seconds.”

Tonks groaned impatiently. “How’d I ever get myself into this mess?”

“Well, did you not use protection? I thought you and Remus were very careful about that sort of thing,” Fleur innocently questioned. She immediately winced, and Tonks was quite sure that Molly had kicked the girl underneath the table.

The Auror felt her face flush. “Well, he got me drunk,” she replied, defensively. “I do stupid things when I drink…”

“Stupid things, like sleep with your ‘usband?” Fleur giggled. The girl was ballsy, Tonks had to give her credit. If she hadn’t been filled with crippling anxiety, she would have appreciated Fleur’s positivity and wit.

Molly suppressed a laugh. “Focus, Fleur. We’re trying to take Tonks’s mind off of her… predicament.” Molly chose her words carefully. “Remember. We’re focusing on the negative!” She smiled optimistically at the metamorphmagus.

“Well, the test could be negative. What if…maybe, ah, what is the expression…maybe Remus’s wand does not cast any spells…if you know what I mean. That would be lucky!”

The other two women choked. Tea spurted out of Tonks’s nose. Molly huffed. “Oh yes, miraculously lucky, to get away with an unprotected f—“

“Funny how one night can ruin your entire life,” Tonks lamented. How she was going to survive this last minute, she didn’t know. Fighting Death Eaters was less nerve-wracking.

“Just, calm down, goddammit!” Molly snapped, clearly getting anxious herself. There was only so much complaining the mother of seven could take. “Let’s all just pull ourselves together! Now,” she chided.  

The three women sat in silence, shocked by Molly’s outburst. Tonks had the unshakable feeling of having been scolded by her mother. She gazed at her hands shamefully, picking at her fingernails until Fleur spoke once more. “The test should be finished.”

Tonks’s heart flip-flopped in her chest. “I can’t look. One of you do it.”

Fleur eagerly reached for the test, but Molly held her back. Her face was stern. “You can, and you will, Tonks. It will all be alright.” Her eyes softened.

“It was only one night,” Fleur added. That did nothing to assuage Tonks’s fears. She could hear the seconds ticking by on the clock. Her stomach was in knots. But, she knew that they were right. She had to find out the truth. Whatever the result.

“One line. One line,” she chanted to herself. Fleur nodded encouragingly. Molly remained still, her face unreadable.

Tonks picked up the test, carefully unwrapping it, as if it were a Hippogriff that would attack if she approached it too quickly. “This is it.”

She turned the stick over in her hands, only vaguely disgusted by the fact that she had peed on it not five minutes earlier.

“Shit.”