#technically you don't need anyone but yourself but if you can find one person even

[fabdante]

my first piece colored for the @zutaracoloringbook !

the lines were done in clip studio paint, the color in marker, colored pencil, gel pen, and paint pen. with some minor digital touch ups after scanning.

you can color this piece for yourself for free! it's in this years @zutaracoloringbook , go pick yourself up a copy! there's tons of beautiful pieces in it including this one, all for free!

under the cut, for anyone interested, im going to ramble a lot about the process of this one because i just have a lot of thoughts asdfghjk the tldr is: this is not at all how i expected this piece to look, i fell asleep working on it at one point which is just wild to me, and 'ooo pretty colors'

i've sat on this one for a little bit and im still not sure how i feel about it? i like it but it's also not at all how i expected the color for this piece to look asdfghj

i originally thought the palette would be darker but after printing the piece i realized, given the lines were not as dark as they would have been if they'd been drawn traditionally, that i'd drown out the lines with that color scheme.

i also made a lot of little mistakes ranging from using colors darker then i wanted for shading to at one point Literally Falling Asleep While Coloring With Black Marker, thus leaving a black spot on the page that I then had to work around.

the paper also was a double edged sword. i did not print on marker paper or artist paper, which usually is not an issue with me. i know most marker artists will strangle me for saying this, but i have never drawn on marker paper? like ever? i taught myself how to use marker on mixed media paper and i have rarely used marker paper since. i've just never felt a need? contrary to what people have said, i've never seen any like abnormal wear and tear on my markers doing this and i, personally, just accept that markers are going to bleed. it's not my enemy it's just part of the medium. it's what markers do. they're a wet medium even on paper made for wet mediums they will bleed out and often bleed through a little bit. i learned how to work around that and use it to my advantage. this paper however, the markers didn't bleed at all? and they dried so fast it made maintaining an even texture and blending like i normally do a challenge. it just didn't have a lot of give? HOWEVER the color pay off was CRAZY like the colors are so vivid and bright and rich. like, i made my own color chart for my markers on index cards and then i would often test the colors on scrap paper of the same paper to confirm what the colors going to look like but when i would use colors on the piece itself they were always darker, richer, brighter, and just all around way more vivid. which makes the piece very nice to look at, admittedly asdfghjk. so paper pros: fantastic color pay off like crazy color pay off, paper cons: I Don't Know How To Blend.

for anyone wondering why i didn't print on marker paper: firstly, i don't have any this size. secondly, marker paper tends to be pretty thick and not super malleable so i didn't think it'd be safe for my printer. likewise, i didn't think any of my other paper would be either. so i decided to do what i did last year which was use a fancy paper stock i had that was printer safe for my printer paper so it's not just regular thin computer paper.

some of these technical issues i blame on being out of practice, i haven't worked in marker for a minute and this piece involving such large scale blending was a bit ambitious especially on unfamiliar paper (learning how to blend with markers i find is just a lot of practice with your particular markers to know how they behave while also knowing your paper). but im also just confused because i feel like the paper behaved better when i used it last year and with my self portraits asdfghj im wondering if i just printed this on the wrong side? more testing is in order before i work on my next two pieces dfghjklfghjk

so, anyway, i might try to color this one again because i don't know how satisfied i am with it. like, i like it, but also it just doesn't feel correct. i might do it digitally or i might do it traditionally, we'll see. but im not going to try again until i finish the other two i need to color. i think this stems from the fact that i just feel like the palette was meant to be different then the one i ended up with so it just still feels incomplete to me. we'll see how i feel, though, when i finish the other two.

anyway, if anyone read all of that, thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[slight-gaming-addict]

Hi I like your writing and saw your how housewardens react to you not sleeping at night to do things for other people

I was wondering if you can make one for leona, riddle (and ruggie if you want)

sleepless nights II

part 1 | join the taglist | masterlist | request rules | ko-fi

how characters react to you not sleeping at night to do things for other people

characters: riddle rosehearts, leona kingscholar, ruggie bucchi

𝑹𝒊𝒅𝒅𝒍𝒆 𝑹𝒐𝒔𝒆𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓��𝒔

When he first catches you out late at night, he's confused by your hurried pace. He attempts to catch up to you to find out what you're doing, but he loses you too quickly.

The moment lingers in his mind for the rest of the night but is slowly forgotten over time as he deals with troublemakers who can't follow simple rules. He's reminded of it again when he finds you out late a couple of days later. This time, however, he can clearly see the strain and tiredness in your eyes.

Determined not to let you get away this time, he catches up to you before you disappear again. You're startled by his sudden appearance, and he apologizes before steadying your swaying form.

"Are you okay?" Riddle attempts to get you to look at him, but you're in a daze, drifting in and out of reality. He has to bring you back to his room in order to get you to talk or acknowledge him at all.

Concern is written all over Riddle's face as he tries to get you to snap out of whatever mind space you're in. You blink rapidly, shaking your head slightly as if you have to physically shake all the cloudiness out of your mind.

"Riddle… what-" You look around the room, not recognizing it from the previous location you remember being. "When did I get here?" You finally focus on Riddle, who's kneeling in front of you, a glass of water in his hand as he looks up at you sitting on his bed.

He's eventually able to get the answers he wants out of you, feeling anger and annoyance build up inside him when you tell him what's been happening. He knows how you are; how you'll try to help everyone you come across, even if it means hurting yourself in the process. Knowing this, he's annoyed at anyone who would try to take advantage of your kindness for their own gain, and he won't let them keep doing it.

When he watches you fall asleep on his bed, he takes it as his chance to find the person you're "helping." It's safe to say that you don't hear from them again after that moment, and Riddle constantly reminds you that he's here for you. Every time you want to help someone, make sure you're taking care of yourself in the process.

𝑳𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒂 𝑲𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔𝒄𝒉𝒐𝒍𝒂𝒓

When Leona first heard you go out at night, he ignored it. It wasn't his business anyway. However, as the nights went on and he heard you leave the room every single night, he grew irritated.

One night, when he heard you about to leave the room, he grumpily asked where you were going. You jumped at his voice, not expecting him to be awake when he was usually sound asleep at this time.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," you whispered, even though there was really no point since the grumpy lion in front of you was already awake.

"Where do you keep going every night?" Leona asked again, his voice groggy and eyes closed as if he might fall asleep again at any second.

"I just need to help someone with something." Leona forced his eyes open at this statement, glancing at the clock on the bedside table.

"It's 1 a.m. Do it in the morning." You wanted to tell him that technically it was morning, but you knew sassing him right now probably wasn't the best idea.

"I'll be right back," you told him, but you weren't right back. You didn't come back the entire night, which resulted in a very annoyed Leona when he kept reaching for you in his sleep and you weren't there.

He heard you finally walk back into the room well into the morning. He thought you were going to get in bed finally, but instead, he heard you shuffling around the room. He opened an eye to see you moving around as if getting ready for something.

"What are you doing?" You looked back at Leona, who was still sprawled out on the bed, stopping yourself in the middle of grabbing the folder on the desk at his question.

"I have to get ready for the day, which you should be doing too." You turned on the small lamp on the desk, causing Leona to grunt and throw his arm over his eyes at the dull light illuminating the room.

"You didn't sleep at all." Leona's voice was slightly muffled from his position, but he could still be heard clearly.

"It's fine, I'm not that tired." You were clearly lying, and he could tell. He could hear the tiredness in your voice and had seen the bags under your eyes in the brief moment he looked at you.

Before he could say anything else to try to convince you to stay, you were already out the door for the day. Usually, you would try harder to get Leona to get up for the day, but you knew the longer you stayed in the room, the more likely it was that he would be the one to convince you to stay instead.

Leona finally heard you come back for the day and let out a relieved sigh when he felt you get in bed next to him. It was already dark by the time you came back, so he figured now he could relax fully for the night. Oh, was he wrong.

Not even ten minutes after you lay in bed, there was a knock on the door. You moved to get it, but Leona grabbed you so you couldn't move. "Just ignore it," he grumbled with his face pressed into your neck.

However, the knocking didn't stop, and you soon found yourself having to squeeze out of Leona's grip. You could tell the last of his patience was breaking, but you wanted to answer the door in case it was the person you'd been helping recently.

It did turn out to be the person who needed your help once again. You were about to step out with them in order to talk when the door you were holding partly open, just enough to see the person outside, swung all the way open.

Leona was standing behind you, gripping the door harshly as he let out a snarl at the other person. You saw them start backing away from the door before Leona slammed it shut, flipping the lock and dragging you back to bed.

He was finally satisfied with you by his side as he slept and got the best sleep he'd had in the last few days. He didn't wake you up in the morning either, not that you would really want to be with as much sleep as you'd lost recently, and you two ended up sleeping the whole next day away.

𝑹𝒖𝒈𝒈𝒊𝒆 𝑩𝒖𝒄𝒄𝒉𝒊

Ruggie notices something is off when you appear more and more tired than usual. You're usually one to get fully rested at night to prepare for the next day. He starts to pay closer attention to you as a couple more days pass, thinking maybe you just had a rough night, but you still don't seem to be getting much sleep. You're meeting this person almost every night.

He's confused about how you know them, not having seen them around until recently. When he sees you exchange things with them, he assumes that they commissioned you for work, but that thought goes out the window when he doesn't see them pay you anything after you say your goodbyes and leave.

Curiosity gets the best of him at this point, and he can't help going up to you to ask. You don't look any better up close. It's clear that you haven't been sleeping recently, barely registering that Ruggie's in front of you until he says something.

He comes right out and asks if you're working with that person. He's taken aback when you say you're just doing them a few favors that they've been asking for, and you couldn't find it in yourself to say no because of how desperate they sounded.

"You're doing all this work for free…?" Ruggie has to sound out the sentence for it to come out as he intends, even though it doesn't make any sense to him.

"Yes," you let out a breathy laugh, not knowing where he was going with this. They needed help and you offered. There's not much else to it. Of course, you haven't been getting much sleep at all this last week because of it, but you're happy you're able to help them out a bit.

Ruggie's completely stunned at the revelation, not knowing why anyone would even bother doing something so strenuous for someone without even a hint of payment. "You're losing sleep because you're doing someone else's work, do I have that right?" All he needs is your slight nod to know exactly what he needs to do.

He doesn't give you a chance to say anything else before he's grabbing the few things you have in your hands and dragging you back to your room. You attempt to stop him, trying to tell him that you need the things he took, but he's not hearing any of it.

Before you know it, he's out of the room faster than he got you to it, and you're left there without the materials you need to finish the request. You fall asleep as soon as your head hits the pillow, well overdue for some rest.

You don't see Ruggie until the middle of the next day, and you can tell that you aren't getting the materials you need back anytime soon, if at all. He's just happy that you finally seem to have gotten some rest, not regretting it in the slightest when he passes the work onto someone else and blackmails has them do the rest of the work for you.

buy me a coffee ♡

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taglist:

@akaneredsstuff @sad-little-miao-miao @hathay

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get tagged for future stories

[jellybeanium124]

Helpful lists of questions for goyim when it comes to engaging with the Israel-Hamas war 🙂

QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF WHEN A POST ABOUT THE ISRAEL-HAMAS WAR CROSSES YOUR DASH AND YOU WANT TO REBLOG IT:

Does this post link to a source?

If the post does link to a source, is it a credible one?

If the post does not link to a source, is there one screenshotted in the post that you can find? If so, please search out that source and read the entire thing in context. And make sure the source is credible. Ideally, if you decide to reblog it, add a link to the source.

Is the post just screenshots of tweets? If so, you probably should not reblog this. Posts that are just screenshots of tweets are a massive red flag. Do not believe something because it's a twitter screenshot. Frankly this rule is for everyone about everything all the time.

What is the tone of the post? Does it make you angry? If yes, this is a red flag. Exercise caution reblogging.

Does the post frame Israel as a uniquely evil country in need of destruction? Does the post treat Israel with different standards than those that are applied to every other country that has done horrible, horrible things, such as Russia, the UK, or United States? This is a red flag. If the government of Israel falls without some sort of transition plan, there will be Jewish genocide. Anyone advocating for a one-state solution either way is advocating for one group to get genocided. A two-state solution is the only possible peaceful end to this conflict (technically my opinion but I feel comfy stating it as fact).

Does the post treat Hamas as anything other than a terrorist organization? Do not reblog.

Is the post promoting Jewish Voice for Peace/JVP? Do not reblog. That organization is not Jewish and is antisemitic.

What is the focus of the content of the post? Is the post discussing reasonable paths to a ceasefire/peace? Is the post criticizing Israel's actions without using antisemitic stereotypes? Netanyahu is a disgusting fascist who I hate, but even though he is a terrible person you are not allowed to portray him as an antisemitic caricature. Similar to how you don't get to misgender shitty trans people, you don't get to be antisemitic towards shitty Jewish people (even if he's really, really shitty).

How does the post use the word "zionist?" Does the word have any coherent meaning in the post besides "person (often Jew) that I hate?" Does it treat zionists as a group of people who are disgusting and deserve to be murdered and/or raped? Does the use of the word "zionist" completely dehumanize the person/people the label is applied to into nothing more than evil that the Earth must be rid of? This is antisemitic. Do not reblog.

QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF WHEN YOU'RE AT A PRO-PALESTINE PROTEST:

Are people chanting antisemitic slogans such as "globalize the intifada" and/or "from the river to the sea" (these are both antisemitic you cannot remove the antisemitic meaning from them, they are both advocating for the murder of Jewish people, sorry, stop using them.)?

Are people comparing themselves to Palestinians in Gaza? (this is not a joke, I saw a video of a Columbia student who compared Columbia sending out fliers to leave or be suspended to the IDF dropping flyers in Gaza saying "the army is coming in 24 hours.") If so, they care more about fetishizing Palestinian pain and making themselves feel like noble victims than the Israel-Palestine conflict.

Are people harassing Jews? This includes: preventing them from getting to class, yelling things at them like "go back to Poland," and/or physically assaulting them.

Are people defacing Jewish property/monuments? Are people defacing synagogues? Businesses with known Jewish owners? Statues and/or memorials of/for Jews?

What is the purpose of this protest? Would you feel comfortable sharing opinions that differ from the majority? Would you feel comfortable engaging in a conversation about this issue with fellow protesters? Are any of you actually educated on the complicated and lengthy history of the Israel-Palestine conflict? Is the protest about a peaceful solution, or is it just making you angrier and/or more upset? Does the protest/your fellow protestors care more about freeing Palestine so that Palestinians and Israelis can live in peace, or about hating Israel and treating it like a uniquely evil country?

If people are chanting antisemitic slogans, harassing Jews, and/or defacing Jewish things, then this is an antisemitic protest. Do you want to be associated with these people and this protest? If your answer is yes, you are an antisemite-sympathizer, which is basically an antisemite.

MORAL OF THE STORY: antisemitism is all over this issue and it's easy to get more antisemitic and spread antisemitism because bad actors use this issue to indoctrinate people who start off just genuinely caring about the issue but are not educated at all about it or what antisemitism actually looks like. BE CAREFUL. All Jews want, all we've ever wanted, is to be left alone to do our thing. Random Jews are not at fault for the horrific actions taken by the Israeli government since the terrorist attack on October 7th. We support the existence of Israel, but we do not support all of the current government's actions. We are just trying to live. We want there to be a ceasefire now. If you actually read this whole thing, thank you. It means a lot to be listened to.

For those of you that made it to the end, I'll offer one last reminder and one last gentle suggestion.

My last reminder is: "it is not your job to finish the work by neither are you free to ignore it" is a Jewish passage I really like. I think in times like these, it is important to focus on the first half. It is not your job to finish the work. The fate of Palestine does not rest on your shoulders. It's ok. Take time to decompress and log off.

My last suggestion is: one of the biggest Jewish values is "tikkun olam," which means "repairing the world." I think all action when it comes to this conflict (and life in general) should be done with tikkun olam in mind. It doesn't hurt to ask yourself "is this action repairing the world, or further tearing it apart?" no matter what you're doing. Thank you for reading.

[yuri-is-online]

Hi, there! :D 🌼 Congratulations on your new followers, you deserve them!

I hope to be on time for the event can I request :

"Someone" decides to ask you for your opinion about "their friend" and you decide to have a bit of fun and tease them.

With Silver , Deuce and Ace?

Take your time and no pressure, thank you very much 💗💐🌠

2. "Someone" decides to ask you for your opinion about "their friend" and you decide to have a bit of fun and tease them.

Hello treasured friend! I was hopeful you would send a request, you picked a nice combination of prompts and characters last time and your comments have been very helpful. You also really helped me out by picking Ace and Deuce, I had a second person who really wanted all of the first years with this prompt and between you both I have them all. I hope I can continue to please with these next two requests ♡ ～('▽^人)

notes: they/them used for Yuu, Yuu is kind of... mean to Ace (I love him I promise), Silver and Deuce should be besties with how much wii shop music is bouncing around in those skulls. The other event requests can be found on my masterlist here.

Silver

"You are in love. And don't act so ashamed of it, young love is a precious thing, you should treasure your time with it for as long as you can."

It's not advice Silver would characterize as bitter, nor is it a point he wishes to ignore; he trusts his father to know him more than anyone so if he says what he feels for the prefect is love, then it must be true. Not that he exactly needed Lilia to voice it, Silver would like to think that he would have realized it if he had been given just a bit more time in your presence alone. But that was hard to come by when you are prone to sleeping randomly, or when your beloved's dreams are so difficult to find.

"Thank you for helping me earlier." The mask Malleus gave him hides his face well enough for him to pass of his nodding off near the star railing as simply tripping on his cape. At least, that's what Silver tells himself as you give a generic you're welcome and turn back to the party. He would like to think if you knew it was him here you would stay, but he doesn't actually know that does he? "Say-"

You turn back to Silver confused. Doesn't he need to get back to Malleus? That's what you had expected, the entire reason you had gotten to hurrying yourself away because you thought you knew if you turned around he simply would not be there anymore. But he is, his hand is extended as if it was reaching for you before falling dejectedly back to his side like you were the one out of reach.

"Have you seen Silver anywhere? Lilia is looking for him." He says it so seriously, and even though he technically says everything like that it still sounds funny to you. Really, who put him up to this? Because you somehow doubt pretending to not be himself was not what he woke up expecting to do.

"I think I saw him earlier," your hand comes up to your mouth to remind you not to laugh, Silver's relaxing now he really must think he's doing a good job lying "these masks just make it so hard to tell who is who."

"They really do." Says the one who really does not. "Do you... often look for Silver at places like this?"

"Oh only sometimes." You walk just a bit closer, it's so hard to gauge Silver's reaction to anything, he is already such a stoic person, and his training encourages an even temperament. "Really, it feels like he's the one looking for me most of the time. Why I bet if I closed my eyes right now," you make sure to do just that as soon as you are stood in front of him once more "he would appear right in front of me, just like he does in my dreams as soon as I counted to ten." Silver's in take of breath is sharp, delighting the trickster within you as you count dutifully down preparing to tease him for his attempt at fooling the master.

But Silver is honest and blunt, your eyes fluttering open in surprise at the kiss placed quickly to your lips and the maskless face before you beaming in joy as if you really had summoned him forth and not been talking to him this whole time.

"May I have this dance, Yuu?" And something about the way he says your name makes you almost believe you were still at home dreaming, no matter how real the safety of his embrace makes you feel.

Deuce

Riddle had told you once, in confidence with a great deal of pride, that when Deuce had been placed in Heartslabyul he had announced his intentions to be as "diligent as the card soldiers." Something you both agreed he certainly lived up to, even if that diligence did not always produce the results he wanted. Take tonight for example, he had asked you to dance earlier in the night, clearly intending to mask his identity to try and follow along with what he perceived the rules of a Masquerade Ball to be.

As in he intends (you assume) to pretend to be a stranger to you until midnight when the masks get removed even as he brings you all your favorites from the buffet table and just generally is content to stay around you. Some might call it hovering, but Deuce has never really been uncomfortable with you; from the first moment you and Grim had asked for his help with Ace he has been a solid presence in your life. Which is why when he starts to get shifty and nervous you immediately notice.

"Something on your mind?" You try gently, knowing that he will only feel better once he's unburdened himself, frowning slightly when he startles further.

"Sorry, I was just thinking." He sounds almost sad, but not in a way that's causing him any pain. Nostalgic, longing, it's as if there is a picture in his head overlapping the actual scene in front of him. It worries you. "I have this... friend. And I was wondering if- well you seem really smart." Your smile returns, small and tentative, waiting for him to finish thinking before you commit to your happiness. Cute, so cute Deucey seems to be worried you don't know you're dancing with him. "Do you know Deuce Spade?"

"I think so." You hum and Deuce swallows, his hand holds yours just a bit more tightly than is necessary for a ballroom dance. "Why do you ask?"

"I was wondering I- he- has this other friend." If Ace could hear the way Deuce was stammering right now he would whine for you to end his suffering, but you want Deuce to have his moment. So you simply nod to encourage him to continue, watching in delight the shuddering breath he takes to steady his confidence. "Is he someone you would want to get to know better? He has this... friend he wants to ask out, but he's worried that he won't know how to treat them right."

"Are they good friends?" You say, really trying to play along. Deuce nods, his mask prevents you from really knowing but you think he is not looking you in the eyes. "Besties?"

"Uh the bestest besties." He nods, all too seriously.

"Bros even." You nod too and Deuce sputters, half tripping over your feet as you decide to heed Ace's phantom advice and put an end to the charade. "Oh come on Deucey, you said that's what we were before. So what's changed?" It comes out as a joke, but it's really not. You gave up on getting a confession from Deuce so long ago you can barely believe the sheepish smile on his face is real and not some fever dream.

"I got tired of lying to myself." He steps back away from you and steadies himself, taking a deep breath before bowing, the perfect picture of loyalty and diligence. "So Yuu, will you please take my hand? And never let go."

Ace

"Say have you seen Ace?" A "mysterious" figure leans against the door frame of the ballroom, the moon highlighting his red eyes that are centered purposefully on you. It's breathtaking, your heart is already halfway up your throat keeping you from speaking aloud. You shake your head quickly, intending to taunt him in to taking off his mask but startle as his grin only widens. "Guess that means I'll have to satisfy myself with you then." And just like that you remember yourself again, is he seriously pretending not to be himself? Does he think you do not know him well enough to spot him in this sea of literally faceless people?

"Well nice to see you too I guess." You cross your arms and he has the audacity to laugh at you like you're "pouting" or something. Like he thinks your cute. "I'm not here looking to satisfy anybody."

"Aw don't be like that." Ace moves, inviting himself into your personal space as you regrettably let him. "You know how Ace is," you do, it's almost like he is in the room with you as you speak "or maybe you don't and just didn't want to admit you can't remember what he looks like." This looser, well play stupid games win stupid prizes! Since you know him so well, you know Ace will understand.

"Oh please," you straighten up and give your best neutral face of disappointment "as if I could ever forget his ugly fucking face."

"Wait-" Ace clearly was not expecting this, his shock is delicious and you are exceptionally thirsty.

"Seriously who does he think he is? Walking around like he isn't annoying everyone with his stupid half smile smirk thing, smouldering went out of style years ago dude! It's creepy now." You mean none of these things- well most none of these things. It would be extremely helpful to your sanity if Ace could explain just who he thinks he is to you specifically, because you know what you want that answer to be. "And I mean have you seen how weird he is about that prefect? Who cares if they don't have magic, if anything that makes them more ann-" surprisingly, as if he wants to prove your hypothetical whining right Ace slaps a hand across your mouth with protests bubbling out of his mouth.

"Look look ok you got me I deserve that." He says with a nervous laugh. "Shit talk me as much as you like, but don't you ever talk about yourself like that. Not around me, not around anyone." He leans forward, some of his boyish confidence returning now that he really knows for sure that you knew it was him all along. Gently, he moves his body closer to yours as he removes his hand from your mouth, moving his fingers to support your chin, not taking any chances on your looking away. He opens his mouth as if he means to continue talking, but his eyes settle on your lips for just a moment too long and the thought leaves. You stand there in ambiguous silence, masks suddenly making their presence heavy against your skin. It's a visceral reminder of how artificial the barrier between you both is, how little effort it takes to break it as you reach for his and pull at the thread as Ace closes the gap to finally answer your stupid question from before.

Sure, there's a chance you will both deny this tomorrow, take those two steps back into the grey that infuriates you both, but so long as you're in this dance together, can you really complain? Not out loud at least, no not out loud.

[dunmeshichilchuck]

For That One Guy On Tumblr, part 2

Chilchuck x !fem !Halffoot Reader

@dunmeshimeshi @leguink

Yes, union! What-" Chilchuck stopped and frowned. "Wait...how long had this dungeon been open when you entered?"

"...maybe six months? I joined on with a party dedicated to finding and destroying the mad mage instead of treasure hunting. How long has it been?"

There was a stunned silence. 

Finally it was broken by Chilchuck whistling through his teeth. "pheeeeeeewwww, you've been here a long time then. It's been almost six years since this dungeon was discovered."

The tall man beamed. "Woooahhhh this is so cool! I guess it doesn't matter how long it's been, as long as the body isn't too damaged and everything is there the soul sticks around! That means if we preserved bodies in something like vinegar they could stay in stasis indefinitely!" 

The elf rounded on him. "thats not- this poor person just found out she's been...gone for almost six years and that's your reaction??"

The tall man raised his hands defensively. "It could just have a lot of applications, okay? Has anyone even been ABLE to be revived after so long? No one thought it would be possible but clearly-" he gestured at you "she's living proof it is!" He stopped abruptly, as if realizing something. "Ah, sorry! What's your name? I'm Laois!"

Your mind whirled. How did this happen? What about the people you knew? Oh god, what about your sister? She'd be up near what...27 now? Was she technically the same age as you now? God she'd never let you live that down. 

"I'm...y/n....six...six years? How is that even possible? Oh! Who wound up defeating the mad mage? Did they wind up being the ruler like the dead guy said?" 

There was an awkward silence. Finally Laois said "ahh...hmmm... Well he's not been defeated yet...people have been trying all this time..." 

"What...? How? We figured we had to get in fast before everyone else started flooding in but....six years? Has someone at least gotten close?" 

A sudden pang of regret struck you. There was no hurry. Your party could have prepared more. You could have vetted your party members more....maybe you could have made it. And since Laois would definitely know if they had succeeded...they were either dead or given up. The thought gave you some small satisfaction.

You hoped it was a trap that did them in. Fuckers shouldn't have tossed you aside so easily.

Laois continued "but! I think we've got a solid shot at it now! So don't worry, we'll definitely defeat the mad mage!"

Chilchuck quietly snorted, and rolled his eyes at you. 

The elf stepped in. "It's nice to meet you y/n! My name's Marcille." She pointed at the dwarf and then the cat girl and said "his name's Senshi, and she's Izutzumi." 

"Nice...nice to meet you..." You stuttered out.

"Nice to meet you!" Senshi said, smiling up at you. Izutzumi just continued looking bored. 

"Food is ready!" Senshi continued "now I'm sure you have more questions for us, but you must be starved from resurrecting and there's no rush. Let's eat a meal first and then we can talk. But! Before we eat you're going to need to wash up and get some fresh clothes. No sense in eating a meal with dirty hands." 

You looked down at yourself, he was right, you were filthy and your clothes hung off you in tatters, grimy and soaked with disgusting water. Now that you paid attention, to your embarrassment you realized you definitely smelled. 

Marcille hung up some blankets to give you some privacy so you could quickly rinse off, and you could hear them rustling around in packs and discussing what would fit you. The water felt amazing, and you realized even before your....death. you hadn't bathed in a very long time. You must have already absolutely reeked before you went into the ice.

After a few minutes Marcille popped back inside triumphantly brandishing a pair of pants, a shirt, and a...length of white fabric? The shirt looked like it would fit you, the pants....not so much. 

"We found some clothes for you! Chilchuck had an extra shirt and I had some pants. We'll roll them up for now so you can go ahead and eat and then we can hem them up later."

Chilchuck interjected from outside the blankets. "I'm going to want that back at some point! That was my one extra shirt!" 

Marcille ignored him and thrust the clothes at you. "Oh! And-" she dropped her voice to an embarrassed whisper. "I knew my um...underclothing wouldn't um...fit you...but I figured we could make a quick ah, fix using some fabric? And maybe a better one later?"

"Oh you mean wrap this around my chest as a makeshift bra? Sure we can do that." You didn't bother lowering your voice. Who gave a shit if some random guys found out women wore bras. 

You quickly dressed, making a makeshift bra with the fabric that you were actually kind of proud of.

The pants ballooned out around your legs but it couldn't really be helped, and you could tailor them to you later. Surely they had at least a needle and some thread.

You felt optimistic for the first time. This could actually be doable. You could be useful enough to earn your keep, especially if they had plenty of food anyway. You were pretty good at drawing off and distracting bigger monsters so even with fewer traps you'd come in handy. This could really be your chance to carry on with the quest and succeed, or if they sent you back, oh well, you wouldn't be worse off than when you started. 

Yeah, this could really work. 

[thetempleofthemasaigoddess]

Being a native of Foosha Village and falling for Shanks would involve...

Shanks x reader

Sorry if the timeline is a bit wonky, I wasn't able to determine how long exactly the Red Haired pirates spend on Foosha nor how much time passes between the beginning of Luffy's adventure and him getting a bounty, at least in the Live Action continuity...

*****

🏴‍☠️ Being Foosha's resident doctor, you have known Luffy since he was a baby; he is usually in good health, but sometimes you are called to treat a small wound or a bruise he sustained while he played... or got into trouble as usual. You quickly grow fond of the child, who in turn comes to consider you as a sort of older sister. He routinely eats at your place when the Partys is closed, and you insist he regularly attends the village's school, pointing out even a pirate needs a basic education.

🏴‍☠️ One day you are called to the village's little harbour; a pirate crew has docked that morning, some members of the crew have come down with a sickness they cannot diagnose, and the captain has insisted none of them go ashore lest they infect the villagers. Privately you have your misgivings about their presence, in case your visitors are the sort of people who depredate defenseless villages and indulge in violence and bloodshed for the sheer pleasure of it, but as a doctor you have sworn to assist any person who needs it, so you take your bag, introduce yourself once you have reached the ship, and are admitted on board.

🏴‍☠️ You are quickly brought to the captain, and so you find yourself face to face with Red-Haired Shanks, one of the most famous pirates of the Four Seas... even though he doesn't look particularly glorious at the moment. He explains that the first signs of the sickness appeared three weeks ago, when a few of his men started coughing and complaining of chills even though it was summer, and soon many of them were struck down with the fever that, in the confined spaces of the ship, quickly spread to the whole crew, even though the captain ordered to confine the sick in their quarters... and then to do the same to the healthy ones, to protect them. There had been no one capable to treat the men, since the ship doctor had been killed in a scuffle with another crew two months ago, and since then they had not acquired another yet.

🏴‍☠️ "Not the wisest decision of my life, I know; I should have realized that a doctor is vital for a crew, more than a cook or even a navigator. I thought we would have more time, because we hadn't needed one in more than a year... please, help us." he says; he is lying on his cot, clearly weak and in pain for the fever, but there is an unquestionable, unquenchable energy in his eyes, the desperate fire of his force of will that has led him to become one of the most respected and powerful pirates of the Four Seas, burning as bright as his red hair "I will pay you well, you have my word, and I promise we came to your village to rest for a while and search for help; we don't want to hurt anyone. No, take care of my men first; some of them have been in pain for weeks. Save them, I beg you."

🏴‍☠️ The desperation in his voice, the sincere worry of a captain who deeply cares for the men under his command, would be enough to dispel your qualms, if you had any. You immediately start attending your patients, and are relieved to realize they are suffering from red fever, a technically fatal illness that can nonetheless be quite easily cured, that a few men probably contracted on the last island they visited and then spread to the rest of the crew. The number of patients to treat causes some difficulty, but fortunately Foosha's apothecary is well-stocked with the ingredients you need to prepare the medicine, and Makino and a few other women offer to assist you as nurses. It takes a few days, but soon Shanks and his men are on the road to recovery, the least sick already back to health.

🏴‍☠️ Shanks is immensely relieved for your help, and thanks you profusely; as he promised, he offers to reward you handsomely for your service, and seems impressed when you insist to accept your usual fee and nothing more, plus a compensation for your assistants. "I am a doctor." you simply explain, shrugging your shoulders and sincerely convinced there is nothing heroic, or even just commendable, in what you did "I swore to help whoever needed it, pauper or King, hero or bandit; you and your men were sick, and I could treat you. End of the story." "Nevertheless, I really appreciate your help, doctor; meeting you was a blessing from the Gods." Shanks says; he is back on his feet, his already familiar straw hat on his head, and you find yourself smiling back without realizing. He has a very nice smile. "I was happy to help; and please, call me (name)."

🏴‍☠️ As promised, Shanks and his men create no disturbance in Foosha; rather, they take such a liking to your little village that they decide to stay for a while, to rest before resuming their travels. The villagers quickly grow fond of them, and soon Shanks and his crew become part of your community, as if those men hailing from the four corners of the world had always been there. You are, for obvious reasons, one of the first they come to know, and you learn to appreciate their company... especially the captain's.

🏴‍☠️ Once he and his men no longer need your assistance as doctor, you would have no reason to seek Shanks' company, nor he yours; still, you end up meeting every day or almost, all of it because of (or thanks to, you'll think back later) Luffy. Becoming a pirate has always been your young friend's dream and aspiration, and predictably Shanks, an expert captain and famous corsair, quickly becomes his idol; he follows him around, hanging off his words, begging to know about their travels and adventures, which Shanks is always happy to. Soon your young friend become a sort of mascotte for the pirate crew, a younger brother they all like and are happy to entertain.

🏴‍☠️ You are in the habit of going to the Partys every night, both to relax after work for a drink and spend some time with Luffy, and the pirates have likewise selected the bar as their favourite meeting point, which means that without either of you realizing (or wanting, which doesn't mean you regret it, or even try to avoid it) you and Shanks quickly become acquainted well beyond the simple relationship between a doctor and an one-time patient.

🏴‍☠️ The first opportunity you have to really bond happens during your village's yearly festival: there is music, food, dancing, even a firework display, and the pirates are obviously happy to join the celebration. You are sitting alone in front of a bonfire, having gotten momentarily separated from your friends, looking at the couples dancing as you vaguely reflect on your duties for tomorrow, when suddenly Shanks appears next to you. "You don't like dancing?" he inquires after you have greeted each other, as he slides on the bench next to you, a jug in his hands; you shrug, admitting that you actually do, but you haven't been invited by any of the men present. "Oh! Then they don't know what they're missing." Shanks seriously comments; he drinks a sip from his drink, leaves it on the bench, stands, and offers you hid hand. "Shall we?" he asks. "There is no need, really! You don't have to..." you hurry to explain, and he determinedly shakes his head. "I know I don't have to; but believe it or not, I enjoy dancing, and I am told I am pretty good at it. Come on, it is a night of celebration; let's enjoy it."

🏴‍☠️ You could point out that from what you have seen the pirates don't need a special occasion to revel and have fun, but you gladly accept Shanks' hand and let him lead you to the improvised dancefloor in the village's square. Shanks takes one of your hands in his, gently rests the other on your hip, and a moment later you are moving together in time with the music, and Shanks had not lied, he is actually a very good dancer, and you can't help smiling as you follow his steps, noticing that the red of his hair is even brighter than usual thanks to the light of the bonfire, and his smile brighter still. In the end, the rhythm changes to a slow dance, and Shanks gently circle your waist with an arm, just like all the men around you are doing with their partners. "Is this... all right?" he asks, suddenly uncertain, and you nod, intimately surprised of how all right it is, as you silently rest both of your arms on his shoulders, your hands overlapping behind his head. Another smile passes between you, a smaller, more intimate one; you suddenly feel shy, and giddy, and you wish this moment would never end.

🏴‍☠️ Unfortunately it does, in the end, when Shanks' men reclaim his help for a prank they are pulling; he then takes your hand and kisses the back. "The men of the village don't know what they are missing, you are a very good dancer." he says, and then the other drag him away, and you remain there, suddenly alone, and wondering why you feel so warm in the face, while the party goes on around you. Sleep eludes you that night, and when you finally dream, it is of him, still unsure whether what you are feeling is simply due to the moment of intimacy you shared during your dance... or this is something more lasting, and deep.

🏴‍☠️ You are still thinking about it that night, as you nurse your usual drink at the Partys, so lost in your thoughts Makino asks if you are all right. Before you can answer, "Is this seat taken?" someone asks pointing to the stool next to yours; it is Shanks, smiling at you, and you smile back as you nod, and he asks Makino for some dinner, his leg brushing against yours under the counter as he sits. Once more, you are quietly enjoying each other's company; as he eats, Shanks look at you out of the corner of his eye, and when your gazes meet and you realize, he smiles, not exactly unabashed but still not shy, open in his interest, and it is not the first time a man looks at you, but still, you feel yourself blushing... and, you discover, it is not an unpleasant sensation. Not at all. He asks about your job, and you reciprocate inquiring about a few places he and his crew have visited, and that you have always dreamed of seeing, even though you have never left Dawn Island, and have lived in the village your whole life. You doubt anything you can have to say could be of interest for Shanks, but he seems sincerely taken by your conversation... until his leg touches yours under the counter once more, this time not by accident, and you feel all the blood, and the warmth, of your body rush to your face.

🏴‍☠️ "I have made you uncomfortable. I am sorry." Shanks says after a moment, misinterpreting your silence for discomfort, and you quickly shake your head; you can see Luffy approaching on the street behind him, ready to demand his idol's complete attention, and you hurry to take advantage of the little time you have left. "Not at all. I... I am glad we had a chance to talk. I like it. I... I like talking to you." "And I like talking to you, (name). Really. You are... a really good person."

🏴‍☠️ After a while you decide it is time to go home. "See you tomorrow, Makino." you say as you take your bag and stand, and in a moment, Shanks has done the same. "I'll walk you home." he proposes, more as a request than as an order, and you are suddenly a young girl again, because your heart skips a beat. "But Luffy..." "Luffy is with the others, they can take care of them for a few minutes; there'll be no problem... unless you'd rather go alone, that is."

🏴‍☠️ Two minutes later you are walking side by side along the village's main street; you have slipped your arm under Shanks', his happy smile making you unconcerned about the gossip that will probably spread in the village as soon as someone sees the two of you together. You don't talk much, still enjoying each other's company, but Shanks uses his free arm to return the greeting of a few people who cross your path. "I love this place." he says after a while "The people here are so friendly and kind, I feel I could stay here forever."

🏴‍☠️ Usually a compliment paid to your village would please you; still, those kind words feel like someone had spilled a bucket of cold water on your head. "But you will not, right?" you realize, thinking out loud "You are pirates, the Sea is your home, and a stay in a town or village a simple vacation. You have been here for about two months; you'll probably leave soon, right?"

🏴‍☠️ Shanks' silence, and the touch of guilt in his dark eyes, is answer enough; he tries to meet your gaze, but you avoid him, suddenly feeling the stupidest, naivest woman of the East Sea. After a minute spent looking at your feet you hear Shanks softly calling your name. "I'm fine, don't worry..." "No, I mean... I think we're here, aren't we?" he asks, and your embarrassment deepens when you realize that you had indeed reached your house, and were it not for him you would have walked past it, and kept going until you crossed the whole village. "I'm sorry, I... I am so dumb..." you mumble as you begin searching for the keys in your bag.

🏴‍☠️ Shanks remains silent until he sees you open the door; he is serious, more serious than you've ever seen him, but his eyes are full of sadness. "I am sorry." you repeat, not quite sure what you're apologizing for, and he shakes his head. "I should be the one apologizing." he gently says; you're standing on the doorway, face to face, and you're torn between the impulse of closing the door, sparing yourself another moment of pain... and the desire to take advantage of the little time you have left, and invite Shanks in. You know he'll not decline (... right?), and it'll probably make it harder to say goodbye when he and his men will leave, and you're usually not one to let your feeling dictate your actions, but...

🏴‍☠️ "I better go." Shanks says, sparing you the need to decide, and for a terrible moment you think he means he's leaving Foosha right now, but he simply takes a step back, a sweet and concerned smile on his handsome face. "I am a pirate." he gently says "This is the life I have chosen, and... I will keep living it until there is life left in my body. I am not saying it is always easy, nor that I have never been tempted, but I could never live on land, no matter how... how good the company would be." "I would never ask you to." you assure him; the simple idea of a man who has probably lived a pirate life since he was a boy and has become one of the most notorious captains in the Four Seas, leaving everything behind for you, after having known you for two months, is risible, of course, but still, why can't you help feeling the tiniest bit disappointed? "Your men need you, and being a pirate is in your soul. You could never be happy otherwise, and... I want you to be happy, Shanks."

🏴‍☠️ There is nothing else to say, and after a quiet goodbye Shanks depart, and you remain looking at him through your window as you mentally chastise yourself, because how could you be so stupid to catch feelings for a man who you'll never have? You have only known each other for a few weeks, and the sooner he leaves the sooner your heart will begin healing, but you already fear you will never forget Shanks, not even in a hundred years.

🏴‍☠️ You begin avoiding him as much as you can, which means mainly avoiding the harbour and the Partys (you tell Makino this is a particularly busy period for your practice, not wanting her to think it is because of her; she looks at you, clearly unconvinced, but accepts your explaination) and hoping whatever feeling you have developed will soon start dissipate, like crushes often do, until... until one day Luffy shows up at your home, crying and more upset than you've ever seen him. "It's not me; it's Shanks." he says when you, terrified, start checking him for wounds or injuries "You need to come now, (name), he... he..."

🏴‍☠️ He wouldn't have looked for you if the patient were beyond helping, but Luffy is too upset to explain what exactly has happened to the captain, which can only increase the terror in your heart; you run to the harbour as quickly as your legs can carry you, and when you reach his cabin on the ship, Shanks, lying on his cot and surrounded by his closest friends, smiles, clearly pained but happy to see you. "Hey, here's my favourite dance partner." he says "I am fine, don't worry..." He clearly isn't, and your legs amost collapse under you when you see what has happened to his left arm; you are able to remain calm and focused as you clean the wound to avoid infection and then bandage it, while Shanks looks silently on, his eyes full of warmth and pain, not necessarily for himself.

🏴‍☠️ "What has happened to you?" you ask in the end, sitting on a stool Luffy has brought you before leaving with the others; Shanks quietly answers telling you all about the child's kidnapping, him intervening and having to fight the Sea King that inhabits the waters around the island, and this is when you start crying, overwhelmed by the courage and generosity of the man in front of you, who has paid such a terrible price for it. What will he do now? You know how tenacious and strong he is, but will he be able to fight and lead his men without an arm? You have already treated this sort of wound, and you know it might keep paining him for the rest of his days; what if an enemy takes advantage of his weakness and he can't defend himself...?

🏴‍☠️ "I am all right." he gently says as he uses the hem of his cape to dry your tears, and you feel more guilty than ever, because he has just gone through a terrible trauma, and still he is able and willing to comfort you "Truly; Luffy is safe and this is what matters. It is just an arm, I have a spare one to use..." "How can you joke about it?" you ask, crying and laughing at the same time, and then you have thrown your arms around his neck, sobbing and hating how useless you feel, and Shanks holds you tight with his arm around your waist and his cheek against your shoulder, feeling your very presence more soothing and healing than any opiate or medicine he could have taken. "It is so good to see you again." he whispers; you can both feel your hearts beating as one, a sensation whose beauty and sweetness you cannot describe in words "I know you've avoiding me. No, no, it's ok; I know why you did it, and it's probably for the best, even though I have missed you..."

🏴‍☠️ You don't answer, quietly enjoying the peace and comfort Shanks' presence always brings you despite the heartbreak; there must be dozens of men on the ship around you, but you are alone in the tiny, sparsely furnished cabin, enjoying a fleeting, precious moment of intimacy. In the end you turn your face to meet Shanks' gaze, and you do not vocalize your feelings, but he understands them all the same, and a moment later your mouths meet in the sweetest, most intense kiss of your life. Shanks moans, his lips avidly caressing yours, and a moment later you are running your fingers through his hair, and you want him so much your heart is about to burst.

🏴‍☠️ When you finally part, five minutes later, neither of you is smiling. "I don't want to cause you pain." Shanks says, deadly serious; his hand is holding yours, his thumb caressing the back "We are meant to leave in three weeks..." "And you will; I will not beg you to stay, and I know that saying goodbye will be harrowing; but it'll be anyway, since I can't stop thinking about you." you admit with a sigh "I want to be with you, Shanks, be it for a day or a year; if, ehm, you want to be with me, and I know you are in pain, and obviously as a doctor I am not supposed to date my patients..."

🏴‍☠️ You are blabbering, as usual when you are nervous, but Shanks is quick to put an end to your speech kissing you soundly once more, holding you as if he never wants you to go. You lie down on the cot together, your legs entwined and your bodies pressing against each other, but after a while you are forced to stop and change position, because a moan of pain warns you your side was pressing agains the stump of his arm. "My poor darling, I am so sorry for what has happened to you." you murmur, but Shanks smiles, and gently kisses your forehead. "Luffy is safe and you are here next to me." he says "As far as I'm concerned, it was a small price to pay."

🏴‍☠️ You and Shanks are determined to make the most of the little time you have, so you are nearly inseparable for the next three weeks. You don't want to neglect your work, since your patients need you, but if you are not at your practice, you are with him. You sleep in his cabin (the cot is tiny, but squeezing together is not a problem for the two of you) make sure his wound is clean and neatly bandaged, and walk with him on your favourite beach, enjoying his quiet, solid presence next to you, his beautiful smile, and the way he has to circle your waist and lead you in a dance when you least expect it, making you laugh. Luffy reacts with disgust the first time he sees the two of you sharing a kiss, but he is happy for you, secretly thinking you and Shank deserve each other - and for the future young King of the Pirates there is no better compliment than this.

🏴‍☠️ Before you become intimate for the first time, Shanks asks you to make sure you don't get pregnant, and you comply, privately thinking you wouldn't mind having his baby, were it not unfair to both to keep father and child separated, quite the opposite, because a child with his smile and eyes would alleviate the solitude you know you will suffer once he will have left. You feed him food with your fork at the Partys, fall asleep lulled by his heartbeat, and sit next to him at the end of the wharf, your legs dangling and his arm around your shoulders as you look at the sun setting behind the horizon, and wish your time together would never end.

🏴‍☠️ It does, unfortunately, and on one clear, warm morning, Shanks and his crew prepare to leave the village. Luffy is inconsolable, even after Shanks gifts him his most precious possession, his straw hat, with the promise to ask for it back when the young boy has become a great pirate; you, on the other hand, feel pain and heartbreak beyond words and tears. The two of you have spent the whole night making love, with an intensity and an abandon you had never experienced before, and he looked as grief-stricken as you feel while he whispered his feelings in your ear and promised he would never forget you, but still, your heart is full of doubts and anguish while you walk to the harbour to say goodbye to the man who has, in true pirate fashion, stolen your heart. He lied about your affection to comfort you, an unpleasant voice whispers in your ear. He has a woman like you in every town and port his ship visits. He will forget your face in less than a month and in two he won't remember ever meeting you. Worst of all, he will die soon, battling another pirate crew or drowning, and you'll cry for him for the rest of your days...

🏴‍☠️ A few of the pirates you have gotten to know in the last months say goodbye to you and you wish them good luck, having gotten sincerely fond of those brave, freedom-hungry men who have chosen such a dangerous way of life and can face any enemy with a smile on their faces. In the end, you and Shanks find yourselves face to face, and "Please, do not cry; I am already desperate, your tears would kill me." he softly begs as the tips of his fingers caress your cheek, and you shake your head: you can't help being sad, you admit, but you knew this moment would come and do not regret being with him, even just for a few short days, and no matter what the future has in store, you will keep him in your heart forever. "Just promise me one thing: find a doctor for your crew, as soon as possible; I can't stand the idea of you and your men travelling without someone taking care of your health." you ask him, and for the first time since you met, you see Shanks hesitating. "I will, I promise; but..." "But?"

🏴‍☠️ "But, I was hoping I wouldn't need to look for a doctor; that you would join my crew and fill the spot. I... I know it would change your life, and I won't lie to you, it is a dangerous life, especially for a person who is not a trained fighter and even if we would all do everything we can to ensure your safety. We have known each other only for a few months, but it would make me the happiest man on the Sea if... oh, forget it, it was a stupid idea, how egotistical can I be asking you to leave everything you know and love for..." He is mumbling, and looking at him in that moment, unsure but hopeful, all your doubts and fears disappear like snow at the first light of spring; he cares about you, he really does, much more than simply because of the advantges your presence on the ship would provide the crew, but since he could never renounce his way of life to be with you, he feels unworthy of asking you to do the same. How could you ever doubt him?, you wonder while tears of happiness begin falling from your eyes... and how can you say no to him?

🏴‍☠️ "Oh, Shanks... nothing would make me happier; I'd leave in a minute if it meant being with you." you sincerely answer "But I can't. I am the only doctor in the village, and it would take months to request the capital to send another one here; I can't in all conscience leave my patients without anyone caring for their health. And there is Luffy; he needs me, at least for a few more years. Believe me, I... I am not simply looking for an excuse; I really want to be with you, but..." "I know." he interrupts you, and the reassurance about your feelings for him doesn't make your refusal easier to accept. "I know what sort of person you are, how much you care for the people of the village; I wouldn't expect any less from you." You sigh, wishing for a moment you could actually disavow your professional oath and forsake the people you have promised to take care of, and follow the man you love towards whatever fate awaits him. You are doing the right thing, professionally and towards a boy you love as if he were a child of your body, but the prospect of losing Shanks forever makes you feel as if you were renouncing a part of you...

🏴‍☠️ "You know, it... It doesn't have to be forever." you tentatively add wringing your hands, a moment after one of the men has called to Shanks to tell him they're ready to go "It will be a few years, but one day Luffy will be old enough to take care of himself, and in the meantime I could instruct a new doctor for the village or ask for one to be sent here. And then, once I'm no longer needed... I-I could come. To you. I mean, I wouldn't ask you to wait for me, if you... met someone else, or if simply your feelings changed..." "I will." Shanks immediately answers; he's looking at you as if no treasure he could ever find would compare "I'll wait for you, and you'll wait for me, and once Luffy no longer needs you, I'll come back for you. And from then on, no one and nothing will ever separate us."

🏴‍☠️ The promise is sealed with a kiss, that you and your lover share on the harbour in full view of the crew and the villagers, and there is no need to say you love each other, because a look of Shanks's warm eyes is enough to reassure you and he can read the same feelings in your gaze. A few minutes, and you are looking at the ship disappearing into the horizon with Luffy by your side, not bothering to hold back your tears while a stubborn, fierce hope fills your heart.

🏴‍☠️ Ten years pass, slowly, often excruciatingly so, but at least you can keep busy instead of spending days and nights crying over your lost love. You focus on your work, finding gratification and sincere joy in taking care of the people you grew up and live with, and helping them when they are sick or wounded; five years after you said good-bye to your lover, two girls who have just completed their studies at the village's school ask for permission to follow you in your work, and you gladly take them on as apprentices. You write to the libraries of the larger towns in the island, asking for books written by ship doctors or that would help you specialize for your future responsabilities as a member of Shanks' crew, and follow his adventures in the papers.

🏴‍☠️ The news of your and Shanks' promise has somehow spread to the village, and save for Luffy and a few of your friends, most of the people think you are wasting the best years of your life, and should have never believed in him. "He said that to make fun of you, or at least to comfort you and make you think he actually cared." they say "He's a pirate, (name), he must have a woman like you in every harbour. By now he has probably been with ten others." "Even if he actually cared, ten years is ages to spend waiting for someone! What if he dies in the meantime? And even if he returned, are you sure you want to live such a dangerous life?" "Don't you want to marry and raise a family? A pirate ship is no place for a child, and in ten years you'll be past marriageable age; there are many good men here in the village..."

🏴‍☠️ They mean well (most of them do, at least), but you don't listen, and while you miss Shanks more and more every day and sometimes even wish you had forgotten duties and responsibilities to follow your heart, because whatever length of time destiny will allow you to spend together you will have still wasted ten years, you never waver, sure in your heart you have made the right choice, and you don't care how naive and idealistic you would sound if you said it out loud, you know he's also thinking of you, saddened by the distance between you and nonetheless carrying on, knowing nothing and no one will stop you from being together once the time is right. The idea of becoming a pirate is both terrifying and exciting, and had you not met Shanks, you would have been happy to stay in Foosha forever, single or otherwise; but now you know he is your destiny, and you will share whatever future and dream he will pursue, because you know he will always be worthy of your devotion.

🏴‍☠️ On the other hand, you do miss him. Fiercely, desperately, a feeling which is hunger (why is his warm body not flushed against yours when you wake up? Where are the avid and sloppy kisses you had already become dependent on, and that now you cannot do without?) and jealousy (is another woman flirting with him in this very moment? Touching him, smiling at him, catching his attention even if just for a moment? And how can you discover her name and city or village of residence, to go and teach her not to touch what belongs to others?) and protectivity (what if something happens to him and you're not there to take care of him? Has he found a doctor like he had promised you?) all in one, that becomes a permanent presence inside you, from the moment you wake to when you go to sleep... and sometimes even longer. His smile, his kind and determined voice, the subtle energy and power his very figure emanated... you even miss his cold feet, and that affectionate but vaguely annoying way that he had to pull your hair to get your attention. Deep in your heart, you know he is also thinking about you, that he remembers his promise and is honoring it, no matter how difficult it might be; but however pleasant and productive your days are, no matter the joy you feel in being in the company of your friends and in successfully treating your patients, his absence is still a weight in your heart, a dull but persistent pain that before long becomes as familiar as the colour of your hair of the medical coat you wear at your practice. You have not stopped eating (that would be bad for your health!) and you are not going to wither away like the protagonist of a romantic novel whose sweetheart has deserted her, but you miss him, deeply and desperately, and every time your eyes fall on a red-haired head, your heart skips a beat...

🏴‍☠️ Luffy is, as you expected, the only one who fully believes in Shanks' promise to you, just like you trust the pact the captain and the child have made about Luffy's future and the straw hat; you never told him he, and his well-being, is one of the two main reasons why you elected to stay in Foosha, because a child doesn't deserve to feel guilty for the choices of an adult, but Luffy is much smarter and more perceptive than he is given credit for, and in the end it is you who, exactly ten years after saying goodbye to Shanks, he tells he is finally ready to leave the village to pursue his dream... and you need to do the same. "I know you have stayed here to look after me, (name); and I appreciate it a lot. But now I can take care of myself, and I'm leaving to find a crew and become King of the Pirates. You have to go too; don't you want to see him, after all these years? I'm sure he missed you a lot too; find him, become his doctor, and say hi for me."

🏴‍☠️ You do. After an heart-felt goodbye ("Don't lose the first-aid kit I gave you! And please, Luffy, I don't need you to remind you to eat, but don't get cold!") you prepare a small luggage and your doctor's bag, entrust your practice to your apprentices (who by now are more than up to the task, and who you know will take as good care of the villagers as you did), and your home's keys to Makino, and leave. Part of you still can't believe you are actually doing it, that you are leaving everything you knew and loved behind, the village you were born in and all your things at home, to pursue a life you are probably unprepared for and that could cost you your life, but you don't care, and whatever happens, you know you won't regret the choice you have made... the choice to follow your heart.

🏴‍☠️ The only, but not negligible, difficulty you have to face is that you have absolutely no idea where Shanks is. Your deal was that he would come back to get you in Foosha once Luffy no longer needed you, but since you have no way to contact him, you can't ask him to meet; the most reasonable choice would be to wait for your young friend to make a name for himsef, either earning a bounty of fighting the Marines, so that news of him having left the village and become a pirate would reach Shanks, who would then know it is time to make good on his promise, but not knowing how long it would take, and determined not to waste any more time, you decide to take the matter in your own hands and go to Shanks yourself... even though you have no idea how, and where to find him. According to a by now weeks old newspaper article you had read, your lover has been seen in a certain island across the East Sea, so you buy a ticket to reach it, hoping to still find him there, or at least that he had left word of where he would head next.

🏴‍☠️ Ten days of navigation later, the ship has to make a stop along the way to resupply; you are walking down the dock as you wait for the captain to call the passengers back on board, trembling with excitation and hoping you and your lover will soon be reunited, when your eyes casually fall on a man walking down the pier, unhurriedly but with the sort of determination that leads anyone who crosses his path to give way. You have never met him, but your lover has told you about him, and you would have recognized him in any case, because Dracule Mihawk, the greatest swordman in the world, is not the kind of man you can mistake for someone else... if only for the enormous sword, as long as he is tall, hanging from his shoulders. Normally you would have no reason to approach him, not last because Mihawk doesn't seem the sort of man who tolerates being bothered without a good reason, but Shanks has told you the two of them know each other of old and are, if not exactly friends, at least good acquaintances; could the swordsman know where your lover is? Could he tell you, if you tell him you are also a friend of Shanks and he is supposed to meet you anyway?

🏴‍☠️ To approach him requires all your courage, since Mihawk, while perhaps not unnecessarily violent like some other pirates, is the most intimidating person you have ever met; but finding Shanks is more important than anything else in the world, and if you are to become part of the crew of an important pirate like your lover, you need to find your courage and learn to face danger with your head held high. So you reach him, and ask him if he knows where your lover is. "I mean him no ill will; actually... we are also good friends. I... I come from Foosha Village, my name is (name)..." you begin, stammering under the piercing gaze of the swordsman when suddenly he interrupts you. "You are the doctor, I gather. The one who remained at the village to care for the boy who had eaten the Devil Fruit." "Y-yes! It is me!" you exclaim, surprised and immediately flattered; Shanks has told him about you! "We had agreed to meet once Luffy had... well, I am looking for him now, and I am heading to the island where he was last seen but since you have known him for a long time, I thought that perhaps you know where he is..."

🏴‍☠️ Mihawk, apparently indifferent to your blabbering (he's probably used to people being nervous in his presence, and how could they not?) points out he is not Shanks' father nor a member of his crew, and as a consequence he is not in the habit of keeping an eye on his movements. "But coincidentally, I know where he is; in fact, I had in mind to meet him myself." he adds, before mentioning a semi-deserted island much closer to where you are than the one your ship is heading to "If you leave now, you can reach him before nightfall." It is the best news you have ever received, and you thank the swordsman profusely, forgetting for a moment how intimidated you are by his very presence. Mihawk simply nods, and then offers you a folded piece of paper. "If you meet Shanks, will you give him this for me? I think you know the person it concerns." he asks, and your eyes open wide as you open the bounty poster... Luffy's bounty poster! You haven't had access to newspapers during your journey, but it seems that in the few short weeks since he left the village your young friend has already made a name for himself, earning the attention of the Marines and, as a consequence, a remarkable bounty; you wouldn't have expected anything less from him, you think, your heart full of pride and happiness. "I thought Shanks would appreciate seeing it, given his interest in the boy." Mihawk points out "Will you give it to him, when you meet him?"

🏴‍☠️ Of course you promise, happy to save Mihawk the effort of going himself after the precious informations he gave you. Your heart pounding, you are quick to go back to the ship about to depart, retrieve your belongings and run, quickly telling the captain you have changed your mind and won't be continuing your trip with them. The smaller island you have to reach is very close but, you discover after asking around, there are no regular vessels that reach it, given that it is almost uninhabited (which is probably why Shanks and his men have chosen it as their base) but you are able to find a fisherman willing to get you there. And so, soon after dark, you finally lay foot on the same ground your lover is walking on, closer than you have ever been in ten long years...

🏴‍☠️ ... and you are immediately surrounded, a number of heavily armed pirates pointing their weapons at you, ready to shoot at the first sign of danger. "Don't, please! I mean you no harm, I am a friend!" you hurry to explain, recognizing a few of the pirates who were already in Shanks' crew when you first met and hoping they also remember you "I am (name), the doctor of Foosha village. Many of you were sick with red fever and I was able to help you, remember? I need to speak with Shanks, he's waiting for me... sort of..." Fortunately it works, and many of the pirates you had met ten years ago welcome you as a friend, still remembering what you had done for them, and lead you to their beach camp, where Shanks and the others are resting after an impromptu party.

🏴‍☠️ Ten years have passed, and still it takes you less than a moment to recognize the man sprawled in a hammock, even before the red hair and the lack of his left arm are visible; the handle of your bag slips from your fingers and falls on the sand. You must look horrible, you suddenly realize, tired after a long day of travel and with your hair tussled by the wind, and this is the sort of situation you would like to look your best for, but you don't care, you care about nothing in the world but the man in front of you, still lost in his hangover dreams.

🏴‍☠️ "Shanks." you murmur, theoretically too low for him to hear, but he does, even before his men can wake him up and tell him he has a visitor. He lifts his head, gingerly standing from the hammock, and in the darkness descending on the beach, he sees you, and for a full minute that's all he seems able to do, looking as if he can't believe his own eyes. "... (name?)" "H-hi." you stammer, suddenly shy and even scared; you have trusted him, and the bond between you, for ten years, confiding that what you shared could resist the test of time and that your lover would keep you in his heart like you have kept him in yours, but suddenly, now that the moment of truth has finally come, all your certainties seem to desert you. What if the people at the village were right, and you have wasted ten years of your life for a naive, romantic dream? What if Shanks has forgotten the promise you two shared? Even worse, what if he has decided to renounce it after time and distance ended up attenuating his feelings for you? You could go back to Foosha and resume your old life as village doctor, a good and productive life, but you know you will never survive the disappointment... "It's... it's good to see you. I came, ehm, I don't know if you remember what we had agreed to do once Luffy..."

🏴‍☠️ "You are here." Shanks murmurs, as if thinking out loud; suddenly sober, he stands and walks up to you, still disbelieving and at the same time delighted beyond words "I can't... you came. You actually came." "Yes, I did. I know we had agreed you would return to the village, but I have trained two new doctors, and Luffy has left to become a pirate, and you wouldn't believe it, he has already..." He stops you, not in words but with a hug; Shanks' arm has circled your waist, pressing your body against his, and it is all so familiar, from his scent to his touch to the sound of his voice, that suddenly you can't control yourself anymore, and you start crying, out of joy, out of relief, out of the simple and visceral pleasure of being with him, once more, with your captain, your lover, your Shanks. "I have missed you so much." you murmur, and his delighted laugh is music to your ears; Shanks presses his forehead against yours, still holding you close, while his crew rejoices all around.

🏴‍☠️ You walk together on the beach for a while, away from the camp, silently enjoying each other's company, until Shanks asks you about Luffy, who must have left the village since you did too, and you show him the bounty poster, that your lover observes with delighted pride. "I can't believe you asked Mihawk for directions..." "Well, I am not saying I wasn't trembling with fear, but I wanted to find you, no matter what. I... I have never stopped thinking about you, you know? And please, tell me you haven't spent ten years journeying through the Seas without a doctor." Shanks smiles, and explains that they actually found a doctor soon after departing Foosha, a capable man who took good care of the crew for ten years... and who just two weeks ago decided to leave, having met a special someone on an island they had docked at, leaving the position vacant. "I let him go, because I have never forced anyone to be part of my crew, but I had no idea you would come... Curious, isn't it? As if destiny had decided it was time for us to meet again, as we had promised."

🏴‍☠️ You shrug, mostly uninterested in assigning responsibility: whether it was destiny, or simple coincidence, you are together once again, not because of a concatenation of events but as a result of your own choices. You did what you thought was right, and now you are free, and determined, to follow your heart. "I came to join your crew, as you had asked me to do ten years ago." you tell Shanks, turning to face him; those words do not need to be said, but you want him to hear... to know that for a whole decade, you have never let him go in your heart "To be your doctor, and your lover, if you'll be mine. What do you say?" Shanks doesn't immediately answer; his hand touches your cheek, gingerly, as if he feared you were just a mirage about to disappear if he only looked too closely. "How beautiful you are." he murmurs "My (name)... ten years ago, I told you meeting you was a blessing from the Gods; I didn't know how right I was. I have never stopped thinking about you; I was sure Luffy would leave the village soon, since he is almost a grown man, and I was ready to come to you as soon as I was certain he didn't need you anymore. But now you're here, and I'm never letting you out of my sight."

🏴‍☠️ It is a promise and a declaration in one, nothing less than what you expected and the only thing you would have accepted. Shanks' hand finds yours; the night enveloping the beach hides a kiss that tastes like homecoming and cheap rhum, your lover's body welcoming you in the warmth and security of his embrace. From now on, your life together begins; from now on, you're part of the Red-Haired Pirate crew.

[utilitycaster]

In honor of that poll, which has apparently been answered by a bunch of loser rogue-fuckers, and was also written by someone who doesn't even have the update that gives you twelve poll options, please have a good ranking of sexiest D&D 5e classes, from me.

This only has the 13 officially published 5e classes so do not ask me about classes that are not that. Also, the existence of a handful of sexy or unsexy characters of that class does not a sexy or unsexy class overall make. I'm sure these two statements will not shut down all annoying people but by god I hope they shut down some.

Paladin. Self-explanatory: if you don't agree, you better explain yourself, unless you think they are outranked by...

Wizard. As Liam O'Brien said, what's sexier than wizards? And I said "paladins, but no one else." I'm also going to fuck up an Octavia Butler quote and say that her journal did not explicitly state that single-minded devotion is sexy but it is, and that's why wizards and paladins are, undisputably, the top two.

Warlock. Would be higher than wizards on the basis of sheer raw charisma but some warlock classes (archfey, hexblade) are extremely sexy and some are...pots in need of very unique lids, shall we say.

Bard. This is for competency and knowledge of mythology and musical instruments. If you're into some kind of memeriffic 20 CHA 7 INT Roll To Seduce bro shit, get the fuck out of here.

Ranger. Their combat abilities are not as great as they could be but this is also without a doubt the class that will invite you over and make a delicious foraged mushroom risotto and have lit candles they made themself. They are good with animals and can identify constellations. Entire package.

Barbarian and Fighter are tied. Do you prefer a flow state and passion or do you prefer dedication and persistence? Axe or sword? Raw power or precision? Equally valid; it's a matter of personal taste.

Cleric. One of the gods thinks they're special; it's hard not to be drawn in by that. Also, healing is the sexiest magical ability. Points off for the possibility of sanctimonious behavior.

Druid. This is just personal taste but I would find it weird if my partner was sometimes a giant scorpion, and I feel rangers are just the far sexier nature-loving option. People for whom druids are #1, I see you, I respect you, I disagree with you, but I do think you're valid.

Monk. Here's the problem. Yes flexible; everything else is kind of a solid "eh" for me. Honestly I think it's because D&D separates out dexterity and strength even though monks technically need both, and so the low-strength monk archetype really doesn't do it for me. It's not unsexy but it never wows me, and honestly in real life martial arts is usually more an aesthetic joy than a sexy one for me.

Sorcerer. Often physically attractive but I do not love a nepo baby, and absolutely the class least able to make you breakfast. Class most likely to attempt to make you breakfast and manage to fuck up scrambled eggs.

Artificer. Love the class but unfortunately I can only think of Belle's father in Beauty and the Beast (1991) when I think of what an artificer looks like. Wizards claimed the hot nerd spot; artificers never had a chance.

Rogue. Anyone can wear black leather. Anyone can twirl a butterfly knife and the ranger is going to be better at using it. You know what rogues are best at? Leaving through the window without waking you up. That's it. Bards have the same skills and then some and they're hotter by design. There are other classes with superior physical skills. Burst damage is already not actually that useful in 5e combat and even less so in the bedroom.

[clubdionysus]

[BAD DECISION #12] An Agreement

warnings: THE BALL IS ROLLING! solo masturbation that is, on a technicality, mutual masturbation (soulmate behaviour!). plot is also plotting! artist!tae is doing thingggssss. jk is getting bold! and sexy!

soundtrack: fuxxin’ love (2019) - OoOo

wc: 7.4k

bd total wc: 540k (ongoing)

minors dni | AO3 | series masterlist 

There's a lingering silence as Jeongguk sits across from you on his bed. You're both crossed-legged, looking at the unfolded bird between you. His back is perfectly straight, posture pristine as always, but yours is a little more slumped. In all honesty, you just want to stop looking at the words written down on the paper, but it's like watching a car crash in slow motion. You can't look away.

His curtains are drawn shut. It's a change to his normal set-up - but the sun has already risen. If either of you stand any chance of sleeping, they need to be closed. The lamp on his bedside table currently illuminates you both, a warm glow only adding to the intoxicated haze you're still looking at the world through.

"Okay, so I think our birds are quite different," Jeongguk finally says. His voice is contemplative, but then he laughs. The lamplight catches in his eyes. He's serene. "Byeol, what the fuck?"

You groan and flop down onto his bed, nose nestling into his ever-freshly laundered sheets. "I didn't know we'd ever be reading them!"

Since the first bird fell, you've known that agreeing to share them was a mistake, but you had also forgotten just how many of your birds had been plagued by your desire for a sex life that didn't feel so tragic these days. 

Jeongguk leans a little forward, outstretching his arm to ruffle at your freshly bleached hair. He still hasn't mentioned it, and you find it odd. Had expected at least a remark regarding the fact it had changed, but instead he's simply acting as if that's how it's always been.

Anyone who does mention it has their compliments dismissed, with you insisting on pointing out just how patchy it is, so at least it saves making even more self-deprecating comments.

"I think we should veto it," you mumble into his duvet.

Frankly, Jeongguk is amused by it all.  He's also still got some of those tequila slammers in his bloodstream, which makes him throw caution to the wind a little more than usual. "Your choice, Byeol."

You huff, forcing yourself back up to face him. The origami paper stares at you. Is screaming. 

It's partially your fault for choosing to write your birds in full capital letters. Jeongguk had written his like a normal human being, and they feel far less confrontational. 

"It's an interesting one," he notes, before reading it out loud: "Mutual masturbation. The four exclamation points really add a certain... je ne sais quoi."

"Oh my god, shut up," you whine. "I was just thinking of the most intimate things you could do with a person, yanno?"

"And you chose mutual masturbation?" Jeongguk holds back a laugh. Doesn't hold it very well. Splutters one out regardless.

"Well, yeah?" You furrow your brows together, confused by the fact he doesn't deem it to be the height of intimacy. You think it's potentially the most vulnerable you can be with another person. "Getting off is so... personal. Doing exactly what you like... I don't think anyone's ever seen me... yanno?"

"No, I don't know," Jeongguk taunts, a cocky smirk gracing his pretty lips. You decide that alcohol is the worst thing to have ever happened to him. "No one has ever seen you what, Byeol?"

"You know what."

"No, I don't," he shrugs. "I don't know how you touch yourself."

You bury your head back into his duvet. "Oh my god, shut the fuck up. This one - this bird - is vetoed. We're not doing it. You never saw it."

Your ears are as pink as your cheeks, embarrassment taking hold of your features. It's really not like you to be bothered about such things, but the fact that Jeongguk's birds are all so.... innocent has you feeling a little mortified.

"Since when have you been such a prude, Byeol?!"

"I'm not! You're just... you." The way you say it - with such disgust - is exactly why he's winding you up. He doesn't expect the bird to be carried out. It's just funny to watch you squirm. "I'm not discussing my vagina with you."

"Is that not what friends are for?"

"No."

"Bet you'd discuss it with Danbi."

"Yeah, because I can trust her not to get a boner," you huff, sitting back up to face him. He's got the stupidest grin on his face, and even though you're trying to seem annoyed, he can tell that you're fighting one too. It's in the way your lips are twitching ever so slightly, brows easing from their furrowed state.

"I'm very capable of not getting a boner," he protests, but you don't care.  Just tell him to go to bed. You've got shit to do in the morning after you've slept the alcohol off. A job to get to in the afternoon. Can't be up all night.

He laughs to himself for a little while in the sanctuary of his pillow swamp. You tell him to shut up, and throw one of his pillows at him. Jeongguk just simply tosses it back up to you. Tells you goodnight and settles into a comfortable position. 

'Because I can trust her not to get a boner'.

Now that he's thinking about it, he's a little offended. He quite literally showered with you earlier and showed not even a hint of getting a hard-on. 

Then again, he wasn't actually facing you. Had refused to let himself think of what you'd look like half-naked under a stream of running water. Had focused his mind entirely on the grout between the tiles, considering whether or not it would look better grey instead of white.

Truth be told, he probably wouldn't have gotten hard anyways. Was too nervous. Scared of doing or saying the wrong thing. Scared that you'd reject his offer. It's not like he was getting anything out of it - it really had been to help ease you into the idea of sharing a shower not being absolutely terrifying to you - but rejection is never nice in any capacity. 

You shuffle beneath his sheets and sigh in such a way that he's almost positive you're asleep. Strange enigma of a woman, he thinks as he smiles to himself. You're so mild-mannered and peaceful in one moment, then causing chaos in the next.

He's glad to have you around. Glad that Jimin was a little crap in bed. Glad that you didn't want to hang out with Jimin all the time instead of him. Glad. Just glad.

But then his mind starts to wander. Starts thinking about what could have happened if he had gotten a boner. Would you really be that repulsed?

He shakes his head. Tries to rid himself of the thought. It's completely inappropriate. The time spent together beneath the cascading water of his shower had been such a vulnerable moment for you. He's thinking about it as his cock is getting hard. It's so wrong. He feels like a shitty friend. 

Palming at his crotch, Jeongguk tries to stop the chain reaction that is happening. It's fruitless though.  The contact only makes it worse.

Jeongguk says nothing as he gets to his feet and excuses himself from his room. He can't think straight. Decides the alcohol is at fault - but as he looks in his bathroom mirror, he can't help but curse.

There's no denying how hard he is. Not even a little firm. He's solid.

"Fuck," he groans, resting his palms on the counter, hanging his head between his shoulders. He shakes it. Knows that his current predicament is just circumstantial.

It's not that he actively thinks about you in that capacity, but the conversation you'd been engaged in has his mind wondering. Has him thinking about what the realities of the vetoed bird could look like. The way you'd close your eyes. The way you'd moan. The movements of your body; the squirm of your hips. The scent. The taste.

One of his hands drops from the counter. Palms at his crotch. Dips into the waistband of his boxers. "Shit."

He can't picture anything. Not really. He's never seen you in that capacity, so it's a little hard to imagine it - but he can seem to imagine the sensation seeing it would make him feel. How he'd get a little breathless. How he'd watch you as you watched him. He thinks about your eyes. Thinks about your glitter. Thinks about how it would shine with every movement of your body.

He untucks from his boxers, and strokes gently. Once, twice. "Fuck." Three times. A fourth.

There's a tightening in his chest, as if his logical mind is trying to make him stop. He pulls at his cock, bringing himself closer and closer to release. Once he cums, it will be fine. Just pent-up frustration. He wouldn't even be thinking about you like this if he wasn't clearly horny. He probably could have gotten laid tonight had he not drawn himself away from the girl in the club. 

That's it, he decides. That's what this is. Just a misplaced need for release.

It's a shame he doesn't know how restless you are beneath his sheets. How your hand crept down your body the moment he left the room; mind plagued with the idea of getting off with him. How you toy with your exposed pussy, wearing only his shirt.

You know you shouldn't. You're in Jeongguk's bed. He has to sleep in here. His sheets smell like him. 

Yet as you tell yourself no, it's the reasons why you should stop that seem to spur you on more. It does smell like Jeongguk. Smells like safety. If that isn't the best environment to get yourself off in, then what is?

You think about his back, and then you think about his arms wrapped around you and - "fuck" - it's not even the idea of him that's getting you wet; it's the idea of safety. Yes, it was his arms, but it's not the fact they're his which have you feeling this way; it's the fact you know they wouldn't drop you. And even if they did? You'd not be falling from some great height.

Realigning your mind, you let your mind wander to where it usually does in the early hours of the morning; Seokjin's kitchen, and the time he took you from behind when you'd been making dinner. 

It's your failsafe. Always gets you off remembering it. You think of his hands - strong, wide - and how they'd gripped at your waist. You think of his lips - soft, plump - against your throat. You're thinking of the view across the city from his apartment. Thinking about the way he'd turned you around; carried you to it. 

His apartment had been in a high-rise in the heart of the city. Not too far from Jeongguk's, actually. The windows spanned the entire wall, and you'd always been envious of the fact he got to wake up to it on the daily. 

He'd put you down; turned you back around to face it. Had stripped you of your clothes. Pressed you against the window. Fucked his cock into you with such aggression that it almost seemed as if he wanted the glass to break. Fucked you so well that when you came, it felt like you were freefalling, even with the glass intact.

It's thinking about that orgasm that always gets your pussy clenching around your toys at home - but you're without them, and your hands just aren't doing the trick. Your brain jumps from thought to thought. Lands on the reason why you don't have your toys: you're at Jeongguk's place. And then, because it's just as annoying as you are,  your head is just ribbiting his name at you. 

"Go away," you whine, but continue to play with your clit regardless. You're so close.. "Just let me finish."

And it's funny, 'cause Jeongguk's in his bathroom looking at the mess in the sink with a face of pure disgust. It's not the fact he got himself off that bothers him. Not the fact he whined a little too loud when he did so. Nothing like that at all.

It's that he'd been trying to think about the kiss he'd had that evening - the smell of her perfume, the softness of her lips - wanting it to be in his head when he came. He grew closer, and closer, and then - "oh, fuck" - why are you there? Why is he thinking about your gaze from the bar? And why is it that his brain always locks into one singular thought whenever he cums?

He just really hopes you didn't hear him curse out your name as he did so.

But you didn't. Were too busy having your own dilemma - one of which you're only just coming back down from when Jeongguk re-enters the room. You wonder if he'll know. Wonder if he'll be able to smell your arousal. Wonder if he'll even figure out that's what the scent is.

Neither of you greets the other. He just gets back into his little pile of pillows. It's kind of funny. If weren't so paranoid about him knowing, you'd make a joke of it. Doesn't feel very funny, now.

Silence consumes the room. You don't even know if he knows you're awake. It's so awkward you quite literally wanted to shrivel up and die.

Okay, so you're being dramatic, but it really does feel that catastrophic to you. As if irrevocable damage has been done. As if you've ruined the friendship all by yourself - but then it has you thinking. He'd been gone for just the right amount of time for you to draw a release from yourself. It wasn't long, but it wasn't entirely speedy, either.

Jeongguk shuffles. Lies on his back. Hands linked over his stomach.

"Gguk..." Your voice whispers into the darkness.

"Mhmm?"

He sounds sleepy. Sounds well spent. You know you'll regret it, but you just kind of have to know.

"Did you... just..."

He pauses. Takes a deep breath. Finishes your sentence for you. "Get myself off?"

"Mhmm."

There's silence. It lasts no longer than a few seconds, but it feels like a lifetime to you.

"You want me to lie?" He asks, clearly wanting to avoid the truth.

"Depends on what the lie would be."

Silence resumes. Is broken with a sigh.

"No," he says - and then he clarifies. "'No' would be the lie."

You nod, understanding exactly what he means, crown of your head patting against his pillow.

And yet still, you push. You want a clear answer.

"In that case," you say a little shakily. "I'd like the truth."

"Okay," he replies, voice much stronger than yours. " Ask me again. Full-sentence. None of that trailing-off bullshit you do. If you want a direct answer, give me a direct question."

And so you do.

"Did you just get yourself off?"

"Yes."

Fuck.

"Me too."

He laughs. Feels a weight ease. Can't fight the smile that's beaming even in a dark room. What a fucking relief. "Did we just... do your bird?"

And then you're laughing too at how fucking ridiculous the situation is. "In a way."

A peaceful quietness settles over the pair of you. Calmness. Contentedness. You're on a level playing field.

"Hey Gguk," you say after a moment.

"What now?" He moans, but you know he's smiling.

"What were you thinking about?"

And then rather suddenly he decides, "That's enough of this conversation. Night, Byeol."

"Oh my god, no," you protest, sitting up in his bed to look in his direction. The low-light level obscures him, but it doesn't matter. "What were you thinking about?"

"Byeol," he scolds. 

Although, in a way, it's kind of the answer.

"Jeongguk," you scold right back.

"Wasn't thinking about anything. Go to sleep."

His denial is a silent scream. You think you know. Think it's fucking hilarious.

"Were you thinking about me?"

"No," he lies. "It'd make me go soft - hey!" Jeongguk laughs as one of the pillows from his bed smacks against his face. "Well, were you thinking about me?" He banters back.

You laugh. "You forget I've fucked your housemate."

"OUCH."

You smile, all rather pleased with yourself, knowing it will play on his mind. Good. Serve him right for being a petulant little shit. "Night, Gguk."

"Have nightmares," he says, and you just continue grinning as you snuggle up in his sheets.

"Already living one."

You don't discuss the night before when you're getting ready to leave a few hours later. You've work in the afternoon, and really want a proper shower at your own place before you rock up with blue poster paint still down your neck.

Jeongguk feigns a hangover worse than it actually is. Says shit like, "I barely remember it," just so that you won't ask questions about why exactly he felt the need to excuse himself to the bathroom. 

He's not even really entirely sure why he did it. Obviously, he knows it's because he got himself too excited, just not why he got so excited. Just knows that he needs to figure out what's going on himself before he can breach the topic of conversation with you again.

You tell him you had a good night, and he says the same. It was nice for him to be out with you for once, instead of being an outsider looking in.

When you arrive at work that afternoon, Hoseok is tapping at his wrist. "What time do you call this?"

You roll your eyes, but your smile is warm. "Time you got a watch. How many painters we got in?"

"Full house," he says. "Only a few more prebooks for the rest of the day, though. No one booked in after eight, at least."

You ask him about his day, and let him babble on as you set about cleaning up the palettes he left for you to clear. He's been in work since midday, so has had to work through the heavy flow of customers coming in and out. Still wet, the chalky alkaline scent of the paint takes you back to the night before.

Has you thinking about Jeongguk; his toned back, and the rivulet of green-tainted water you'd watched run down it. Funny, how he'd been hues of blue - cerulean strands of hair, emerald caught under the ridge of his jaw - whereas you'd been a peachy daydream, pinks on your skin to match your lips.

The palettes turn the sink water a murky brown. Looks a little like dirt. You wonder if that's what the hues of you and Jeongguk would make together. Decide it's a good job you'll never find out.

But daisies push through dirt, you consider. There could be growth there. 

You let the water drain out, and rinse the boards off a final time, before you get to work on the brushes. Hosoek is greeting customers - "I love it. That shade of blue? Perfect. Come again soon!" - leaving you to your own devices, until a deep voice pulls your attention from the canvases you're organising. 

"I'm actually here to enquire about using the gallery space for a sho- oh. Hey," the owner of the voice says as he spots your eyes on him. 

Talk, dark and handsome, Kim Taehyung looks even better in the daylight. 

Dressed down in a white shirt and a pair of slacks, he's unassuming, but a frame like his commands attention. How Danbi is able to resist, you'll never know. Half think that maybe it would've been better if he'd been the one to have first caught your eye in Dionysus - but you're sure if Jimin was here instead, you'd be marvelling at how you'd landed someone as ethereal as him. The curse of attractive boys.

"Hey," you smile as you wipe your hands on a slightly paint-stained cloth. You whip it over your shoulder, and Taheyung smiles back. He wonders if that was something you did before you met Jeongguk, or if he's rubbing off on you. "Watcha doin' here?"

"Bit of a strange request, actually," he prefaces. "I'm looking for gallery space."

"Gallery space?" You question, reaching over for the thick diary kept behind the desk. You keep your eyes on his as he awkwardly begins to explain, pulling the diary pencil from the pages it's currently lodged between.

"Yeah. I'm looking to exhibit some of my work - a few artist's works, actually. All local." He holds up a black folder and taps it. You reach out your hand to receive it, and pass the diary over to Hoseok. "It's all in here. Concepts, artists, pieces. Even pre-written a press release for you."

You flick through the pages of the folder. It's typical of artists who request to use the space to provide you with something like this, but you can really see the care put into it. It's a collection he's curated, with the intent of finally getting his name out there in the art world.

The title page is a singular word: Requited.

"It's a study on the conflicting meanings of the word," Taehyung explains, and you can see what he means instantly. Many of the pieces photographed in the exhibition pre-guide are dark - reds, deep browns. Passionate. "To avenge; to love."

You nod, flicking through the pages, still. It's an impressive collection, and you recognise one of the art styles from an account you follow on Instagram. "Why here?"

Taehyung grits his teeth together in a way that you just know means a lie is coming. "We want our work to be shown in a place that emulates the feeling of creation - we could host workshops during the exhibition period. Runs promotions with you, help-"

"Cut the bullshit," you grin. "C'mon. This is a solid collection. Solid pitch. The folder, at least, your delivery could use a little work-"

"Hey, I'm only acting relaxed 'cause I know what you look like after one too many drinks."

"You want to exhibit here or not?" You tease.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" He laughs, holding his hands out, but not reaching over to touch you. "Honestly? The bigger galleries have dismissed us. I think they're holding out for bigger collections, and the smaller galleries are booked up till Christmas."

"You're trying to get in before the end of the year?"

"Ideally, yeah," Taehyung nods, a little apprehensively as Hoseok hands you back the diary. You swap, and he flicks through Taehyung's folder, nodding in appreciation. "End of October, start of November."

"Hoping for holiday sales?" You ask, to which he nods again.

"If we're at the start of the season, hopefully we'll be the one that buyers come back to," he explains. "And I meant what I said about the workshops. Your peak must be the winter months, right? People looking for something to do indoors?"

You nod. You've actively been enjoying the summer lull. Aren't looking forward to the upcoming season - at work, at least. You love autumn in your own time.

"We could host events," Taheyung suggests. "Charge a little more than usual for guided workshops. You could get a nice Christmas bonus."

It's not a bad idea by any stretch of the imagination, and if the boss agrees to it, it could actually make the upcoming busy season a lot more bearable for you if it's more structured. 

"If it were up to me, I'd say yes," you tell him. His eyes light up like embers from a smoking fire, but they simmer quickly. He knows it isn't up to you. "Is it okay if we hold onto your folder? See what the boss says?"

He nods like one of those dog figurines your grandfather used to keep on his windowsills. His enthusiasm is sweet, and you hope that your boss is just as keen as you are.

"How long until you know, do you think?"

"Give us a week, maybe?" You say. "There's space in the diary between events at the start of November. Hopefully, if I structure a plan, make it easy for my boss, there'll be no reason to say no."

"You're a legend," he beams.

"Don't speak too soon," you remind him. "Still gotta get approval first."

"I know, I know," he nods. "You guys are the first place that's actually given us a look in, though. When Jeongguk suggested here, I kind-"

"He suggested this place?" You smile a little bemused.

"Yeah," Tae confirms. "Didn't say you worked here, though."

"Well," you say with a scrunch of your nose. "I do. Surprise."

The biggest surprise, you think, is that Jeongguk remembers.

"I'm glad you do, though. Feels like the collection will be in safe hands."

You know that he's mostly glad because it means the chances of Danbi coming to the exhibition will rise quite significantly, but you're not well-acquainted enough yet to tease him like that, so you just smile.

"I'll let you know, okay? I can give the folder back to Jeongguk for him to pass on if I don't see you before the end of next week."

Taehyung doesn't question it, but Hoseok glances over, eyes a little narrow. He knows there's something going on there. Just isn't sure what.

"Legend," Taehyung says again despite your previous protests. "You're the best, Disco Ball."

"Stop calling me that!" You call after him to no avail. 

He just waves back and heads out the door, into the afternoon sun. You tuck the folder beneath the diary and put it into the desk organiser that the boss always checks, before scribbling out a post-it note to explain. 

Their presence in the cafe is so infrequent that you never know when they'll next be in, and you worry that you'll miss it. Sure, you could just leave it in the hands of Hoseok, but you don't entirely trust him to relay all the important information.

He clocks out just after seven, leaving you to deal with the wind-down of the day shift. It's been quiet, only a handful of customers coming in throughout the evening. The last couple in - teenagers on a first date, by the look of things - leave at nine. It's perfect timing, as the last entry is also at nine, meaning you don't have to worry about any latecomers staying till eleven. You can close up early, which is always a dream - especially on the shifts after a night out. The sooner you can snuggle into your own bed, the better.

It's not that you don't like Jeongguk's bed. His mattress is perfectly firm, and his pillows really are to die for. It's just that nothing compares to home.

The closing routine is more work than you really care for. Restocking, cleaning, making sure everything is operational for an easy opening in the morning. 

Occasionally, you'll work a morning shift and spend the entire time finishing off jobs that staff from the night before neglected to do. It pisses you off. You've been known to leave passive-aggressive post-it notes on occasion. Always signed with a  smiley face and a kiss. Hoseok tells you that one of the other girls is gonna bitch slap you one day. You tell him good - would like to see her try. But what's a shitty job without a little drama?

It's as you're thinking about this potential conflict that your very real source of contention shows up at the door. He's dressed down, wearing a jacket that looks big enough to fit his entire friendship group within it, and a black baseball cap to hide the fact he hasn't styled his hair. 

There's something nice about seeing him like this - you so often get him in the gym, or at work - that it's pleasant to see Jeon Jeongguk as a normal person. See him as other people do.

You won't clue him in on this, though.

"Last entry was twenty minutes ago, Jeon."

The grin on his face as he leans against the door frame is something he's unable to hide - and why would he? There's no need to play games. Not here. Not with you. "Ouch, last name basis? What have I done?"

"Nothing," you say and smile back. He really hasn't - you're just trying to create distance. Reinstate boundaries that had been made a little blurry. "What brings you here?"

As he walks into the room - uninvited, you may add - he looks thoughtful, eyes all wide and inquisitive. He's never visited your place of work before. You've seen his workplace what feels like a hundred times over, so it's nice for him to finally have a visual of yours. 

He won't mention that Taehyung talking about your workplace had made him curious.

It's not what he expected. For starters, he imagined there'd be far more mess - though he does notice the cleaning cloth in your hand, and how it's saturated in all shades of acrylic, so perhaps you're just diligent. 

Up two flights of stairs, the cafe occupies the top unit of a commercial building. There's a hairdresser on the floor below and a deli on the floor below that, so the entryway normally either smells like peroxide or pepperoni - no in between. Occasionally it smells like paint, too, but it's a far less intrusive scent. 

The walls are covered in canvases - ones left by customers, prints of famous works, offerings by local artists. Easels are scattered around the room, set up in pairs with small tables for the art supplies between them. Jeongguk decides very quickly which spot he likes most - the easels by the window in the far corner. Thinks if he ever took a girl here on a date, that's where he'd like to sit.

Then again, he won't be doing that anytime soon - not unless one of those damn birds tells him to.

You follow his gaze to the window seats and smile. 

It's your favourite spot. S'why there's a cushion on the chair. It's for you. You sit there on your break with a book when it's quiet.

"Nothing," he says, but pulls a piece of carefully folded paper from his back pocket and tosses it down onto the counter. You glance down at it. Another fucking bird. Can see the wings don't line up. Say nothing, but slowly look back up at him. "Well, this has something to do with it. Fell while I was at the gym. Was waiting for me when I got home."

You nod. Run your tongue along your teeth as your lips purse. It's barely been half a day since the last. Hardly fair.

"Have you read it?" You ask, moving behind the counter. You're creating distance all over again. Jeongguk notices. Creates his own by retreating to one of the waiting room stools, where he takes a perch.

It's gotta be a big one. He wouldn't be here if he wasn't.

He sits, hands between his legs. Seems a little agitated. Doesn't seem quite himself. "One of yours." 

But then his posture eases. He sighs. Pulls a second bird from his jacket pocket, and holds it up. "One of mine..." he opens it. Bites his bottom lip as a laugh exhales, his eyes skimming over it. With a shake of his head, he reads it aloud: "Suggest an idea you know will get rejected."

He lingers on the final syllable, but then casts his eyes up to yours. The way he stares, so piercing and domineering is an absolute head fuck. He can be so soft and gentle in one moment, then completely unrecognisable in the next. It's what has your voice so quiet as you finally give a reply.

"And have you?"

Wouldn't be here if he had, you think. Stupid question.

He confirms this.

"I'm about to."

And for some reason, it has you smirking. Heartbeat racing. 

That's the thing about Jeongguk: he's unpredictable. 

You had heard from Yoongi the night before that he's started acting out of character, though in a way, it's apparently reminiscent of his 'old self'. You can't say definitely because you never knew him before he was broken, but it feels like perhaps he's healing.

"I'm intrigued," you tell him, which doesn't earn the smile you think it will.

In fact, he looks deadly serious as he says, "Promise me something?"

You're tepid as you nod. It's a no-brainer - of course you'll make a promise with him - but you can't help but be fearful of why you'd need to promise anything ahead of time. Does he not trust you?

He looks to his feet, where the toes of his right foot are perched up on the toes of his left. He's in his hightops again following a stint at the laundrette to tumble dry them. Behind the counter, so are you. "You'll hear me out first?"

"Of course I will."

"You and I..." he begins slowly. "Our friendship is good, right?"

You nod. Stupid question. "Right."

"And it's just friendship, isn't it?"

"Well, yeah?" You half-laugh. Still haven't discussed the events of last night yet.

And then almost out of the blue, Jeongguk decides to really reinforce the broken boundaries.

"You fucked Jimin."

The way you cringe is borderline insane; face all scrunched up, cheeks flaming red. It was just sex. You don't know why Jeongguk mentioning it seems to bother you so much. 

"Thanks for the reminder, yep," you say through gritted teeth. "I did fuck Jimin."

Still, it's not like it's the worst fuck you've ever had. There's just room for improvement. Maybe he'll redeem himself one day.

"And we're both completely emotionally unavailable?"

"Speak for yourself."

"Byeol," he smirks, amused by how often you seem to talk out of your ass. Conversations are never straightforward with you. Not entirely.

"Okay, okay!" You relent with a firm roll of your eyes. "I'm a little emotionally unavailable."

"Thanks for admitting it," he says, choosing not the question the 'a little'. You both know it should be 'completely'. "I have a question. A question before I make my suggestion."

"Go on.." you hesitate. 

"The birds. Are the birds helping?"

"With?"

"Your intimacy issues. Like say you hooked up with a randomer tomorrow, would you be able to think clearly if they suggested a shower?"

It's a good question. One that you really don't know the answer to. 

"Maybe?" you say, voice a little higher than typical. "My heart rate definitely feels a lot lower than it normally does when I consider it."

It's not a lie. Normally your hands would feel a little itchy, but you've barely broken a sweat.  You are, admittedly, thinking about the shower with Jeongguk, and how platonic it had been - but maybe that's exactly it. Maybe equating these big moments to nothing scarier than friendship is what helped.

"Okay, that's good," he replies before taking a second to gather his thoughts. "The birds... They're helping me. I never would have gotten that girl's number without them. Without you."

"You're welcome, Cassanova."

"And I'm thankful," he smiles, and you can almost feel his sincerity. "I really am. Been chasing my tail for far too long."

This admission silently delights you. It's rewarding to help someone through their healing process, no matter how large or small. To be included at all is an honour.

"So?" You lean your elbows on the counter. "Your suggestion?"

He sighs. As uncomplicated as he finds your company, he still doesn't find any of this easy. There's a massive mental hurdle for him to overcome.

You get it. You really do. Even though your troubles are different, they still come from the same place. They're matters of the heart, and they're by far the hardest things to untangle yourself from. Seokjin's still got a grasp on your puppet strings, and Jeongguk's former fling still has a hold on his, it would seem.

"Hey," you smile. Jeongguk thinks you look warm. Homely. "Nothing to be scared of. Just me. Just us."

His brows furrow and ease all within the same second. He knows those words. Knows he used similar ones on you the night before. Perhaps he really should start listening to his own advice, because it's just what he needed to hear.

"I think... I think maybe we should just...," he pauses. Looks to his hands and then back up to you. "Say fuck it?"

You grin, bemused. "Fuck it?"

It's not an instant yes. Jeongguk can't blame you for it - but it just reminds him that he has to be specific. He'd grated you about that last night, too. He can't be a hypocrite now.

"Okay, so... The birds, right?" He asks, but he isn't really asking anything. Just forming his words. Still, you nod. Encourage him to go on. "Whenever they fall, we're always like 'oh fuck,' right?"

 Again, you nod. 

"I just... I think the only reason we're hesitant to do your birds is 'cause we think we shouldn't do them. Like we think it will be a recipe for disaster... But... why? It's not like there are any confused feelings or ulterior motives. If I did your birds with you, I wouldn't be doing anything for like... my own gain? Just like you aren't with mine."

You stop yourself from interrupting. He's clearly struggling to form the words, eyes darting to his hands every time he catches your gaze.

"I know, I know," he rambles on. "You shouldn't fuck your friends. Shouldn't shit where you eat. But it's not fucking for the sake of fucking - and like, honestly, I don't actually know if any of your birds include fucking-"

"They do."

"Okay, brilliant, so they do," he laughs. Somehow a weight seems to ease. If anything, that admission should add more pressure. "It doesn't matter. Look all I'm saying is that I'm okay to do your birds, no matter how obscure they get. If that means me getting you used to sharing a shower with someone, so be it. It doesn't have to be sexual, even if the end goal will be used in that capacity."

You understand the sentiment, but there's one undeniable; your birds are all about sex.

"Gguk, I wrote some pretty..." You pause. It's your turn to struggle, now. "How do I say this? ...Intimate things on my birds."

"Fear of intimacy," he nods, and then he smirks. "I know. I'm not naive to what that entails. I know I'm a boy, but give me some credit, Byeol."

"Sorry."

The smiles you exchange are delightfully insolent, just like the make-believe fairies you imagine are dancing around you right now, tickling at your skin with miniature wee pinches just to get you giggling. So childish of the pair of you to behave this way in such a serious conversation.

"What I mean is that it's being done with a purpose. It's not just sex for the sake of sex, or whatever it may be," he says. "Like if I'm fucking you, it's not fucking. It'd be like... therapy?"

"I think you'd get fired if you were my therapist," you grin. "It's so weird hearing you talk about sex knowing that you're talking about having sex with me." 

It really is all a bit strange.

"But that's the beauty of it. The stakes are at zero. There's no worry of disappointment, no worry of getting heartbroken, no worry of anything that could go wrong - the birds tell us what to do, we do it," he explains, finally able to get his words out. "And look - I won't lie - I've been out of practice for a while, so it'd probably help with my confidence, too."

You scrunch your nose a little. "That doesn't fill me with hope for your skills."

He rolls his eyes. "It's not about my skill level, Byeol. That's beyond the point. It's about your association with sex and intimacy. If we can separate your association with certain sexual acts from intimacy, then they'll seem a lot less daunting in future relationships. Like, call me crazy, but I really think this could work."

"Okay, so you are crazy... but," you begin. He laughs, knowing that you're never able to resist the role of devil's advocate. "Hypothetically speaking- we get you a date. We get you a girl you're really interested in, but there are still a fuck tonne of birds? Then what?"

"Well, by that point hopefully we'll have worked through enough of our respective issues. I'm not gonna magically become a lothario overnight, am I? It will take time," he emphasises. "By the time I'm ready for that, I'm pretty sure you'll also be ready to explore this shit with someone you actually care about."

It's funny. You do care about him. Wouldn't even be considering this if you didn't.

"I'm not convinced," you say. It's a nice idea, but there's no way your timelines will be linear. Your breakup is far fresher - but you don't realise just how deep his wounds go. Perhaps it will take him just as much time.

He nods. Appreciates your honesty. Rereads his bird. "Suggest an idea you know will be rejected. I didn't come here thinking you'd agree, Byeol, but I also don't think it's a bad idea."

"And if I do agree?"

"There's a bird already waiting," he gestures towards the one on the countertop. It's sitting, untouched by you, in a very sorry state. You really are terrible at origami. 

"Can I... have some time to think?"

His proposition is a big ask. Jeongguk knows this. So far, you've been dancing around the notion of a somewhat unconventional friendship, but escalating things will really cement it. There'll likely be no going back.

And so he says, "I have a lot of trust in our friendship, Byeol. I wouldn't suggest it if I didn't think we could handle it. I know it's a lot though, and I've already wasted enough of your time tonight, so I'll leave you be, okay?" He gets to his feet, and places his bird down on the counter. It's yours now. He's set it free. "Text me when you get home? Not for like, anything in particular, I don't need an answer now. Just so that I know you're home safe."

"Okay," you nod as he walks to the door. "Bye, Gguk."

He glances over his shoulder and presses his lips together, his silver lip ring flipping ever so slightly. "Bye, Byeol."

There's a shift as he leaves. The air feels colder; the light dimmer. You're left with your thought and nothing but a little regret simmering in your stomach. The feeling of safety that comes with Jeongguk leaves when he does. You don't like it. Want it back.

"Shit," you curse, tossing your own bird down onto the counter. Running for the door, You call after him. "Hey! Gguk, wait!

By the foot of the stairs, Jeongguk turns. Take a single step back up. Stops himself from walking the full distance. 

"You gotta promise me one thing," you say, but it's posed more as a question.

He'll promise you whatever you ask - within reason. "What?"

"If we do this, it won't fuck up your friendship with Jimin?"

"Why would- Ohhh," he snorts. "'Cause you fucked him."

"Yes, again, thank you for the reminder. I'm sure the entire building needs to know that."

"Shut up, there's like no one else here."

"It's the principle."

"The Jimin thing is fine," he says. He wouldn't have suggested this if he thought it would impact anything within his existing friendships. He cares about Jimin probably more than he cares for you. It's in slightly different capacities, admittedly, but that doesn't matter. "No offence, but he doesn't sit there lamenting the way you left him that night."

"Yes, he does," you challenge, knowing Jeongguk is absolutely correct. "Don't lie."

"Will it make you feel better if I pretend he does?"

"Yes."

"Okay, fine, he stares and the door and pines for your return like a lovesick puppy - happy?"

It's funny, 'cause it's probably what Jimin would actually say about Jeongguk instead. Always a little mopier after his time spent with you is finished.

"Much happier," you grin. "But I'm serious. I don't wanna cause you issues."

"I'd be causing myself issues," he insists. "It wouldn't be your fault. But no, it'll be fine."

You take a second to breathe. Let your cheeks plumpen as air exhales from your lips. "Alright. Let's try it. The bird that fell today, let's try it, and see how it goes? If it's too weird-"

"We can back out," he nods. "No harm, no foul."

"You got anywhere to be? Wanna wait with me while I finish up and then..."

The beat of your heart is so rapid that you think you might have a heart attack - but as Jeongguk makes his way up the stairs, it seems to settle. This is fine.

"And then?"

"Then we'll do the damn bird."

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[the-mercurial-star-o-vesper]

Going on from Trinimac (He's my favorite god of the Elder Scrolls), the way his story goes is interesting.

So.

In story, we know he gets "consumed" by Boethiah and Boethiah takes his form, and talks to people about Truths, and afterwards, Trinimac is diminished into Malacath and Boethiah goes on to lead the Dunmer.

This? This is interesting for several reasons.

( Now for the sake of me not doing a bunch of research, pulling sources, and trying to parse the esoteric deep lore of TES and the manic writings of Kirkbride, I'm sticking with Morrowind's in-game books, such as "The Changed Ones" and "Variaties of Faith". I'll prolly get to more esoteric stuff at a later post? When the thought hits me. )

They know that its Boethiah Talking and not Trinimac.

Trinimac Worship is not picked up again after this, even though he was the strongest and more favored god.

There has been no attempt to turn Malacath back into Trinimac. As impossible as this sounds, I need to point out the power of belief in the Elder Scrolls and the idea of objects and rituals. If you can Break Akatosh, Time itself, you can reverse what happened to Trinimac (who was changed by considerably less strenuous means). If you can mantle the Dead God Lorkhan (Talos), then you can revive the God Knight. ... Nobody has done this, however.

Orismer are then paraih'd from the Aldmer / Altmer, with no attempts to reunite, renegotiate, or anything--just an immediate marking them as no better than Ogres and Goblins. Worse still, if you read "Pig Children", it seems that a lot of the sentience on Tamerial don't like orcs.

Trinimac's story, by his own former people, the Old / High Elves, is reduced to propoganda made against Dunmer worship. And this, is coming from the same peoples who want to return to pre-dawn and despise Lorkhan. You'd think that they'd keep Trinimac worship for that reason, if nothing else.

Boethiah is the deceiver of nations, they're one of the worst daedra to run into given their ruthless bloodthirsty nature, and they're attached to conspiracy and deceit.

... So if they knew it was Boethiah, why listen? Why trust it?

Especially if you know that this Daedric Prince, anathema of Auri-el and Aedra, is prancing around in your most favorite of gods? I'm pretty certain playing puppet with someone else's body is a violation worthy of raising alarm.

There's only one reasonable answer:

It wasn't Boethiah.

Something to note about the Aedra of the Elder Scrolls. They're bound to interpretation. The closest we're gonna get to pre-dawn et'Ada (What everyone was before the creation of Mundus and Nirn, so Before the "dawn") are certain Daedra.

To take example.

Kyne of the Nords, and Kynareth of the Imperials, are of the same "Oversoul" or rather, the same Aedra, but are not the same God. In fact, Kynareth was created / born from Cyrodiilic interpretations of Kyne. Kyne and Kynareth are fully capable of meeting each other as unique individuals, inspite technically being the same person, and potentially, even being against one another.

( Find any Auri-el vs Akatosh argument. Auriel doesn't like Nirn or mortality or probably humans, but Akatosh likes the place and doesn't like anyone fucking with it or the mortals. )

Collective belief will create Gods, provided there's an Aedra niche for them to come from.

( Probably the price of sacrificing bits of yourself to create things, plays into now only having power if someone can perceive you. )

( It also kinda brings in the idea that a Daedra can, in fact, become an Aedra if they are willing to sacrifice parts of themselves to expand the Mundus. Gotta remember that most of them are all Et'Ada, they are fully capable of performing those feats. Daedra and Aedra are just outdated perspectives by Aldmer. )

Anyway.

Why isn't it Boethiah.

Because, following how Aedra work? Boethiah was the Velothi Aspect of Trinimac. But because they were Aldmer undergoing a schism, it wasn't so cleanly defined as Kyne and Kynareth or Stuhn and Stendarr.

The God tore himself, under the schism of multiple interpretations.

And because each interpretation was, in of itself, a live God, and because most of those interpretations didn't fit with the greater popularity...

... Suddenly, your most Favorite God pops up into his Temple and talks about how He was Wrong. Speaks about what the Mundus is really meant to be, and how to work it.

And with that? Because that's a God talking, that's THE God talking, things he says must be true...

That's when you get the massive underlying cultural shift.

Trinimac is branded an oathbreaker, a liar, a hypocrite, and against his own aspect, by the very Aldmeri populace, and the result is that the gods schisms so badly that it divorces itself from the Mundus, and falls to pieces.

Those who still believed in him after this, were changed to Orcs, and were branded just as pariah as their god. And that's how you got Malacath, the only surviving piece and not even that good of one.

Those who believed his new truth, that part walked away as Boethiah, and lead Veloth, and the newly changed Chimer. And in fact, that's where the idea that Boethiah wore him came from, because that was the aspect that survived to keep speaking the new truths.

( There are other surviving fragments, but I'll get into them at a later time. Trinimac didn't completely succeeded in killing his Men-Counterpart )

And though Trinimac is still acknowledged as champion of Auriel, there are no more new worshipers. The truths he spoke were too terrible to return to his old worship. Because why worship what you know are lies?

Of course, as time rode on, Malacath and Boethiah were further and further estranged from their old roots. Boethiah doesn't lead peoples anymore, and Malacath sticks to his strongholds over reigning vengence against people (let alone the Altmer or Dunmer).

But its funny how a certain point of view can make the difference.

ADDENDUM:

And what of Veloth? Well, a dude can't just randomly get visions out of the ether and decide to leave home to go into the wilderness for no reason. Visions, here, are granted by gods.

This schism, it started somewhere. While it ended in the fragmentation of a god...

... It might just have been started by that very god.

There is no greater lie than the lies we tell ourselves, when we know we've done something horrible, to ourselves and to others.

That perhaps, under orders and belief, in a times of war and betrayal, a knight-general over armies killed the shieldbrother of the enemy king, and then tore the heart from that king.

[ down in front of his army and reached in with more than hands to take his Heart ]

Perhaps it was ordered by another king. Perhaps it was justice for lives now forever lost in creation as earth bones. Perhaps it was simply because so he could prove he Could.

[ As their aspects began to die off, many of the et'Ada vanished completely ]

[ shook his head at this, for he was akin to Tsun and did not care much for logic-talk as much as he did only for his own standing ]

And then he was left behind by the new king.

In such grief, its easy to ask... Why. He did everything right. He got Justice, he proved He could. He did everything right, so why?

[ Everything is spoiled, for now, and for all time, and the most we can do is teach the Elven Races to suffer nobly, with dignity, and chastise ourselves for our folly, and avenge ourselves upon Shezarr and his allies ]

Gods aren't meant to feel grief. Perhaps he went a-searching.

Perhaps he consorted with Daedra. Found the xarxes, and read direction. Looked upon Dawn and Dusk, and found beauty. Found the Web, saw the secrets.

( After all, it was murder, wasn't it? When you cut out the heart of a god and kill him perma-dead, leaving only his ghost, that is murder. That is consorting with Mephala. )

[ Know that battle is a blessing. Know that death is an eventuality. Know that you are dust in the eyes of-- ]

Found the Cycle, and he was apart of it. Revenge is always a Cycle. And when your first remembered act is murder, Death becomes your domain.

[ I am alive because that one is dead. I exist because I have the will to do so. And I shall remain as long as there are signs of my handwork, such as the blood dripping from this blade. ]

Perhaps he found himself, in the man he killed to find the now dead king. For after all, if death was his domain, surely he would know where souls go--

[ Died defending Shor from foreign gods ]

-- and merely found himself.

[ fell at sunrise and became replaced by mirrors ]

That perhaps One King over the Other was merely a perspective.

[ would hate the same-twin on the other end of the aurbrilical cord ]

[ I AM NOT ]

Death is merely finding the End, and at the end of it all, was a Tower, and he had the Key.

[ is the heart of the world, for one was made to satisfy the other ]

and you don't become sheild-thane god for another god for no one, and not for no reason.

[ the ashen-amalgamation of his sons that had survived ]

When your various dream selves are bound by interpretation, all this means is waiting for someone to tell the knowledge to. Someone who has just the right belief and understanding, that you can reach.

Especially you cannot reach the wandering, because you felled the self that could have talked to them.

[ and swore blood vengeance on the heirs of Auriel for all time ]

That perhaps this all started, because of the grief and guilt of the son who stole his fathers' lives.

[ then ascended to heaven in full observance of his followers so that they might learn the steps needed to escape the mortal plane ]

[ withdrew from the creation of the world at the last second, though it cost him dearly ]

[ dooming him to the underworld ]

[ He was undone ]

And for those who are trapped--

[ cast down their jailer king ]

--but have a chance to escape.

[ the rules of Psijic Endeavor ]

... And he just needed the right ear.

( Sorry for the trippiness. But I do so like writing something that looks like it could've walked right outta "V for Vendetta". Lots o quotes from lots o places. )

[jnnul]

work in progresses (iii)

a/n: right...so i'm aware that wip ii is not technically completed yet but i keep outgrowing fics so these wip lists are just going to keep being made until i have the energy to return to older fics and finish them. but please be assured that everything is being written! slowly but surely, everything is being written haha <3

good liars

sum: you are the rebel child - it's a role that you embrace proudly, and one that you've undertaken since childhood. after all, your overachieving and perfect older sister could never be the rebel. no she had the perfect manners, personality, and even the perfect fiancé; one who shone as bright as a star.

but even perfection has its flaws, which you discover when you find out that your sister had died under suspicious circumstances, forcing you into taking over everything she'd represented: being the heir to a long dynasty of wealthy nobles, showing the class difference between haves and have nots, and being the wife to the perfect star.

but the brighter a star shines, the longer the shadow so as you try to discover what truly happened to your sister, you realize just how dangerous power can be - all because of a man named choi soobin.

est. word count: 20k words est. release date: september 2024 status: writing (8.3k written)

DNA.

sum: hong seunghan has everything to become a tennis legend like his father - money, resources, connections, and a passion for the sport. the only thing that he doesn't have is inborn talent; not like his father did, at least. the pressure of being at the top and having everything to lose is something that his father could never understand.

but shin yuna understands him. as an actress and the daughter of a critically acclaimed actress, she understands him better than anyone else can. and seunghan is comfortable in this - in her embrace.

but there you come. you don't have anything seunghan does. you don't have money, resources, or connections. but you have the one thing that seunghan doesn't: natural talent. when the two of you are paired as doubles partners, seunghan is forced to decide between comfortable love and challenging love - one that forces him to push his boundaries, and could potentially make him lose everything. is dna everything?

est. word count: 15k words est. release date: early august 2024 status: writing (2k written)

ten days to fall out of love

sum: you and jaehyun jung just aren't meant to be. that's what your friends think, anyway. and you can't even blame them. you logically know that this is no good for either of you. you fight, and he ignores you for days and you crawl back to him begging and pleading, and then it's sheer bliss of sex, pleasure, and sweet words for two days before it repeats all over again.

so your friends come together to stage an intervention and present the two of you with an ultimatum: ten days to fall out of love. but ten days is a long time to try and figure out how to fall out of love with the one person who sets your skin on fire with his touch and your soul into flames with his love.

maybe ten days is all you need to figure out how to fall back into love. and maybe it's all you need to say goodbye once and for all.

est. word count: 18k words est. release date: end of october 2024 status: writing (1.1k written)

lucky 777

sum: in this edition of seoul searcher magazine, you - y/n l/n - are the main focus! when your editor-in-chief/best friend, julie han, sets you up on seven blind dates with seven different men to bring you out of your dating slump, you find the material you need to bring yourself out of your writing slump as well.

as you navigate love in the 21st century, finding yourself, and pushing the boundaries of everything you ever thought you were, you realize that life is more simple than you'd ever thought it to be.

7 dates with 7 different men but only one of them catches your eye...

est. word count: 12k words est. release date: july 31, 2024 status: writing (800 words written)

blue jeans

sum: you had two big problems in your life: you were in the wrong career and hopelessly single. in a world where soulmates were the norm, the latter issue seemed rather improbable but it was true; you were still single, even though it seemed that everyone seemed to be moving forward in their lives with their love and career, while you were stuck in the same place.

but after a fated encounter with a stranger, you get the chance to switch to the career path of your dreams: modeling. and between struggles at work and your love life struggles with a model named leehan that you keep running into, you discover that the most important love is not the one you have for your career or those around you but the love you have for yourself.

est. word count: 10k words est. release date: september 2024 status: writing (1.3k words written)

beautiful you

sum: hospital life is not easy. as a neurologist, your hours aren't nearly as gruesome as some of your colleagues and your closest friends but the sheer mental pressure is enough to make up the hours - after all, the basis of human life, the brain of your patient, is being put into your capable hands.

as it can be imagined, dealing with patients and their issues is enough of a time commitment; you quite literally do not have the time for love or relationships out of the time that you squeeze out for your friends. but the presence of a new neurosurgeon, hwang intak, somehow seems to affect this strong decision you've made for yourself and somehow, there seems to be more than 24 hours in the day when it comes to thinking of the handsome new surgeon.

est. word count: 12k words est. release date: october 2024status: writing (2k words written)

conceited

sum: it's the olympics and the reigning champions of the olympics, the usa, is back with the intent to clean sweep every cateogry they've been nominated for - as per usual. but even amongst athletes of the same country, everyone seems to have something to prove.

for yudai koga, it's proving that the usa's throne for men's track will never be emptied for another country to sit upon. there's a level of cockiness that comes with being a champion who's never been defeated and somehow, yudai koga wears it beautifully.

for you, on the other hand, it's proving that the golden era of usa's women's swimming team is not over just yet. after a stunning defeat at the olympics four years ago, you and your team is back with vengeance running through your veins.

but that many young, capable, and beautiful people in the prime of their lives, medals aren't the only thing on everyone's minds. and with that, welcome to the olympics! break records, not hearts this season.

est. word count: 20k words est. release date: mid august 2024 status: planning

young doves lay their heads here

sum: three days. that's all the time you had with kim mingyu. he had to go back to korea in three days, even though you didn't know it at the time, to continue fulfilling his duties as one of the members of the biggest boy bands in korea. three days. and in three days, the two of you experienced happiness, sadness, anger, betrayal, love, and heartbreak. all in the span of seventy-two hours.

and then he's gone and you're left with the memories of someone who'd lit your soul with cold flames of passion and soothing touch in a way that only he could balance.

on the other side of the world, mingyu is alone with his memories and he regrets everything. he regrets leaving without saying the three words that had ran through his mind every moment he was with you. he regrets not keeping in contact. and so, mingyu makes the leap of his lifetime to find the dove that had taught him what love was in less than three days.

est. word count: 30k words est. release date: december 2024 status: writing (1.2k words written)

goodness, gracious, great balls of fire!

sum: cha eunwoo was a man of few words. few words, but many thoughts. he'd been cast as the prince in every social setting he'd ever been in, and as though the role was real, he felt the heavy chains of having to be a stoic, perfect, regal person. even his callsign was prince; there was simply no escaping it.

not even at topgun, where cha eunwoo was entering to become the greatest pilot of all time. princes can't be anything less than perfect, after all. turns out, he's not the only one with his eyes on the throne (however reluctantly it may be), and cha eunwoo's life is turned upside down by you (sometimes quite literally) - callsign venus. topgun is the place for unexpected feats, after all.

est. word count: 40k words est. release date: january 2025 status: planning

[mysecretlittlelibrary]

The Truth Revealed

Pairing: Platonic! Peter Parker & Reader; Reader x Bucky (but that's not really plot relevant)

Word Count: 2.4k

Warnings: nun too bad, Bucky finds out the truth and kinda blows up but it all works out yk lol

Genre: kinda angst kinda fluff

Summary: You happen to be the only person who still remembers Peter Parker exists and you are not about to hang him out to dry. So what happens when you take Peter in and basically become his guardian? Well- nothing is simple where super-teens are involved, but you and Peter can certainly handle whatever comes your way. Right?

***

Peter comes barreling down the hall yanking his mask over his head as he rambles quicker than you can warn him.

"I'm sorry I'm late, I know I missed dinner, but man you would not believe the night I've had?! And of course most of it won't be reported because they're not like world ending, Avenger level threats just a bunch of losers bullying my neighborhoods? It's like they all decided to commit crime tonight or som-" he stops suddenly when he finally sees Bucky sitting next to you on the couch. "Mr. Bucky- I- didn't know you'd be here tonight. Hi." Peter says awkwardly. You take in Bucky's changing expression and then look back at Peter.

"Peter your dinner's on the counter." You say, clearing your throat.

"Right yeah thanks." Peter pivots into the kitchen.

"What the fuck?" Bucky turns to you.

"Take a breath." You warn.

"I'm breathing- but what the fuck?"

"I know this is a shock but there's no need to make it a big deal."

"Oh this is a huge deal, Peter when you're done heating up your food come have a seat." Bucky calls into the kitchen and you cringe to yourself.

"Peter when you're done heating up your food take it into your bedroom." You call and Bucky's head snaps towards you again.

"Are you serious?" Bucky blinks at you and for the first time ever it feels like you're on different sides of the fence, but you have to handle this in whatever way is best for Peter and right now that means putting yourself between him and Bucky.

"You and I will talk about this first because we are the adults and then if you still want to speak to Peter after, he can join us." You say calmly.

"He needs to be part of this discussion." Bucky says.

"No he needs to eat dinner and you very clearly need a moment before addressing him." You stand firm. You know if he talks to Peter first he'll go red in the face yelling at him and Peter doesn't deserve that, you don't even know if he'll be able to handle that reaction. Bucky blows out an angry breath through his nose and fixes you with a look that would probably make anyone else wither away but you hold his gaze unwavering until Peter shuffles down the hall with his dinner.

"How long have you known?" Bucky asks you once Peter's room door is closed.

"Technically speaking, since 2017." You say.

"Excuse you?" Bucky frowns.

"It actually caused one of the worst arguments I ever had with Tony, for involving him in that Sokovia Accords fight at the airport when the kid was like 15." You scoff.

"Sokov- so you're not his godmother and you didn't know his aunt?"

"I'm not his godmother technically no, he doesn't have one. Or I guess his aunt would've been his godmother? Sorry not the point- when Tony died I kind of took over as his 'Avenger adult' since Tony was sort of mentoring him, granted we butted heads on Tony's methods a lot before that so I guess it started before Tony died. I did know his aunt though, we became friends once I learned Peter was Spider-Man." You say.

"So were ever going to tell me that or was I just going to be left in the dark forever like a fool?" Bucky asks.

"Bucky you are not a fool, first of all. It's not like I kept it from you maliciously, it's just that this wasn't my secret to tell you. It was Peter's decision to make and I support whatever choices he would've made regarding who knows and who doesn't." You explain.

"But we are supposed to be a team."

"We are a team."

"You lied to me. Malicious or not, you hid this pertty big thing from me." He frowns.

"Bucky-"

"You told me you were taking in a friend's kid after she died." He cuts you off.

"Which is true." You say.

"You didn't tell me that kid was an Avenger. One of us."

"Well it's not like you were rushing to tell him your secrets either." You point out.

"That's different he's a kid we're responsible for, this is something I should know."

"When I first brought Peter here you explicitly said you wanted nothing to do with that responsibility. Even just being friendly with him was something you dreaded the very idea of. I respected that wish. You've started developing a relationship with him and that's great but excepting me to betray his trust because you suddenly want to be involved is unrealistic you have to see that." You sigh.

"What if he decided never to tell me?" Bucky crosses his arms.

"Well then he doesn't have to!"

"Seriously? That would've been okay with you?"

"Yes. Peter has made sacrifices that no child should have to make and I will not let you make him feel guilty because of them. You can be mad all you want, I understand it hurts to find out you were left out of something and that's valid but you're not about to yell at Peter, you're not even going to speak to Peter until you stop pointing fingers for something you have no idea about." You grit out.

"Explain it to me. How do you justify that you've kept this from me for years now?"

"You didn't want anything to do with Peter 3 months ago. Why would I go telling his secrets to someone who specifically said to leave them out of it?"

"But that's clearly changed." He rolls his eyes.

"And it's still Peter's secret. You know better than anyone, trust is earned. I can't decide for Peter when that risk is worth taking. He has to decide for himself that he's ready for you to know and maybe that day was never going to come. Yes we're taking care of him but he's not a child James. Spider-Man is his and it's already ruined his life once."

"Spider-Man ruined his life?" Bucky scoffs.

"After Tony died I- wasn't around as much as I maybe should've been for him, Peter ended up getting caught up with some guy who offered him guidance where he had none, but he turned out to be a super villain and tried to convince the world that Spider-Man, that Peter was dangerous, evil even. It spilled into his normal life because that guy revealed to the entire planet that Peter was Spider-Man, it affected his friends, his family, there were protests outside his school. He couldn't deal, he went to Strange, asked him to fix it, make the world forget he was Spider-Man but that went horribly wrong, got so outta hand, universes started colliding with each other, and Peter was facing villains he should have never even known about. Almost lost his friends, did lose his aunt, and the only solution Strange had was to make everyone across all universes forget Peter Parker ever existed. He went from mourning Tony, to mourning every relationship he's ever had. Either through death or the earasure of his existence from their memories. So excuse me if I'm not keen on forcing him to tell anyone, including you, a damn thing. Last time didn't go so great." You say.

"Oh-"

"He has been fighting adult battles, making grown up decisions, since he was 15. Being a hero robbed him of so much and I am doing everything in my power to give him something back. You will not make him feel bad for not sharing something that has caused him so much pain." It takes a lot to control the emotion threatening to make your voice shake as you speak.

"I didn't realize." Bucky says.

"I know. That's why I insisted we talk alone before you say anything to him. I know how you can but but this is much bigger than us just 'lying to you' for no reason." You say.

"Is there anything else regarding this that I'm missing?" He asks.

"Not really. It's not like you had memories of him to lose from all that's happened, I don't think you ever even met him as Peter, he disappeared in the snap same as you and after Tony died he went to London on a school trip and you were off dealing with that wannabe Steve so- yeah. Nothing really changed for you."

"But for you?"

"Nothing really. I- was maybe the only exception across universes for Strange's insane spells. It's why I took him in." You shrug.

"Oh wait- so when you said you went to yell at Strange a few weeks ago-"

"He altered reality at the whims of a teenager, he deserved way more than a yelling at." You nod. "Do you still want to talk to Peter?"

"Yeah- I'd like to." He nods.

"No yelling?" You verify.

"No yelling."

"Alright, I'll go get him." You nod walking down the hall to Peter's room. You knock on the door and wait for him to mutter come in before entering. "You almost done eating?"

"I'm done." Peter clears his throat.

"Bucky wants to talk to you." You tell him.

"Is he still mad?" Peter winces.

"No." You shake your head.

"He seemed pretty peeved earlier." He wrings his hands together nervously.

"He was, that's why I had you leave, so I  could handle it, which I did." You sit next to Peter on his bed.

"I don't- like it when you guys argue." He mumbles.

"Neither do I." You shrug.

"I'm sorry."

"What for?" You frown.

"You were arguing because of me." He says and you shake your head immediately.

"We were arguing because Bucky and I are two adults with opinions, believe it or not we're not going to agree on everything all the time. Even though it doesn't happen often." You wave a hand dismissively.

"Yeah but- I heard you guys... it's my fault for-"

"Don't start. Bucky was mad he didn't know, sure, but you are not responsible for his feelings and he didn't know the circumstances. I wasn't going to have him yelling at you when you did nothing wrong, especially since I'm the one who decided we would keep it from him."

"But it's my secret, he shouldn't blame you for-"

"Peter, love, my job is to protect you, even if it's from Bucky. You let me worry about the big bad wolf. And please, for once in your life, stop trying to be the grown up. You've got two of us doing it just fine." You kiss the top of his head. "Let's go, I told Bucky all that went down and he's much calmer now, but if he starts yelling that conversation ends immediately. I'm not about to let him make you feel guilty." You tell him. Peter nods and the two of you return to the living room where Bucky's still sitting.

"Hey kid, have a seat." Bucky clears his throat when he sees you. Peter sits in the armchair and you sit next to Bucky.

"I'm sorry for not- telling you earlier about the Spider-Man thing." Peter says.

"It's fine kid. I get why you might be hesitant to spill. I've got my fair share of secrets that I wouldn't go telling just anyone. It was just a shock, but I want to be clear, I'm not mad. I mean I was at first but once y/n explained everything to me there was really no way to justify being angry with you."

"I just don't want to be the reason you two fight."

"Nah don't worry, this was nothing. As far as fights go, it barely counts, and you are not to blame. I'm just hotheaded sometimes." Bucky shrugs.

"So- everything's okay?" Peter asks.

"Yeah." Bucky nods.

"Everything's okay Peter." You say.

"Oh shit-" Bucky blinks.

"What?"

"The whole accords situation."

"Yeah when the whole world thought you killed King T'Chaka." You nod.

"Ye- thank you." He says flatly.

"What about it?"

"The fight at the airport, you said Tony brought Peter to that fight."

"Correct. I cussed him out for that."

"Circling back to that, I can't believe I didn't realize it before, he grabbed my arm, it was crazy- you have to be pulling punches when you fight, right Peter?" Bucky asks.

"Uh- yeah, usually. I- could easily kill someone if I'm not careful." Peter says.

"That's impressive." Bucky hums.

"Sorry, what did you not realize before? That he pulls his punches?" You ask.

"No. He was super talkative during that fight. He's been living here for almost a year and I never made that connection, I honestly should've figured it out within a couple of months if I was actually paying attention."

"I mean, your hypervigilance usually takes a back seat when you're here so it makes sense you didn't notice. Plus, that was almost a decade ago at this point, we've had much bigger fish to fry since then- it's easy to forget details like the sound of some kid's voice." You say.

"If it helps, I don't sound the same as I did when I was 15." Peter says. "Do I?" He asks you.

"Not exactly, no." You say with a chuckle.

"I mean yeah sure I just can't believe I missed it."

"Baby, it's not that deep." You kiss his cheek. "Peter and I are just great secret keepers." You wink at Peter who smiles.

"You and I both know my secret keeping puts yours to shame." Bucky scoffs yanking you over into his lap.

"If you guys are gonna get all lovey can I go back to my room?" Peter interrupts making you and Bucky laugh.

"I just wanted to make it clear to you that I'm not angry with you. I don't want you to feel like you can't tell me things." Bucky says.

"You know I've got you too Petey." You smile at him.

"Thanks guys. I appreciate it I swear but you're still in his lap and it makes me wanna leave." Peter says.

"You know one day Peter you'll love a girl so much you never want to let her go." Bucky says squeezing you tighter for emphasis. In any other circumstance you'd have giggled but you see the way Peter's shoulder's drop and your heart aches for him.

"Yeah, one day. I'm- gonna go play some video games." Peter says before disappearing down the hall.

"Was it just me or did his energy change?" Bucky frowns at you and you sigh.

"He had a girlfriend." You say.

"What?"

"Before Strange's spell that erased him from the memories of the whole world he had a girlfriend. And he loved her enouhg that he was willing to alter the very course of our world to see her happy. Still does."

"Man I'm an asshole." Bucky's head drops to your shoulder.

"You didn't know."

"Yeah but-"

"No buts. It was an easy mistake to make. We're all figuring things out as we go." You say.

"I should go talk to him."

"Sure." You say sliding over onto the couch so Bucky can stand.

"Don't worry doll I'll be back." He says kissing you cheek.

"I'll be here." You smile at him as he goes down the hall. It's a good thing Bucky knows everything now, but you clearly have quite a ways to go when it comes to Peter. You wonder if it'll ever get easier.

***

Tagged Users: @mrsbuckybarnes1917 @buchi91

[ohbo-ohno]

Bo, I had a dark au idea that I really love but I’m too shy to post it on my main so I’m sending it to you because I think you might like it.

Soap and Ghost who are ready for the next stage in their lives now that they’re retired from the military. Setting up a nursery in the new house they bought and filling it with all sorts of cute toys and plush blankets to welcome a sweet little baby into their lives.

But there are so many problems that arise from this because of the fact that Ghost is, technically, dead. They can’t really adopt and it’s hard to find a surrogate who is willing to carry for them discreetly, even when they’re offering more then the usual prices. And even when they do, they have an even harder time finding one that they actually like. They can’t have just anyone carry their baby!

So they’re disheartened after months of searching and Soap is starting to think that it may never happen when Ghost comes home from the store one day and says that he thinks he found the perfect girl to carry their baby. Reader. Soap is immediately excited, he can’t wait to meet this mystery person. The overworked and run down cashier that rang Ghost out earlier that day. Younger then both of them and, as they were soon to find out through a little research (*coughstalkingcough*), struggling horribly. A shitty apartment in the bad side of town, little to no furniture, and working double shifts at at least 2 jobs just to make ends meet. It hurts Soap to see the future carrier of their child (because he decided the second that Ghost said he wanted you that you would be their surrogate) in such bad condition. He wants to take you home with them the minute he sees your horrible living conditions and Ghost has to physically hold him back by the scruff of his neck to keep him from ruining his plan.

His plan being to sabotage your whole life. Call and write in several complaints to your jobs from numerous phone numbers and email addresses, making up scandalous rumors to get you fired and pretending to be your previous bosses when you try to find new ones, ensuring that you can no longer even try to sustain yourself. And all of it will peak when you’re three months behind on your rent and your landlord finally evicts you. With nowhere to go, you’re forced to live in homeless shelters, crying your eyes out when Ghost finally lets Soap approach you.

And he’s so nice to you, pretending to be a volunteer at the shelter, offering you a warm meal with him tonight, a better bed to sleep in, a hot shower. It sounds like heaven to you, you can’t help but agree. Even smile when Soap says his husband will probably be there to meet you in the morning.

And met him you did, several hours later, waking up to his cock filling you, Soap’s hands on your belly, cooing to you that it would all be fine. They’ll take care of you, keep you safe and warm and happy, they just need a little something in return. This is the least you could for for them, isn’t it? They’ll get you anything you could ever need or want.

Anddddddd then they end up never letting you go, even after a baby is born ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️. Sorry I got a bit carried away, but I’m going feral over this idea - 🕸

sorry for the semi late response spiderweb!!! this is such a cool idea, tysm for sending it to me! i really don't have anything much to add, but i want everyone else to get to see it too lol

[jinisnuggets]

hii can i request an angst & fluff idol!jeongwoo? been deprived of trsr fics lately :< thank you so much!! 🫶

𝚄𝚗𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚒𝚌𝚎𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚎 𝙻𝚘𝚟𝚎

ᴾᵃⁱʳⁱⁿᵍˢ: ᶜʰⁱˡᵈʰᵒᵒᵈ ᵇᵉˢᵗ ᶠʳⁱᵉⁿᵈ! ᴶᵉᵒⁿᵍʷᵒᵒ ˣ ᴳⁿ! ᴿᵉᵃᵈᵉʳ

ᴳᵉⁿʳᵉ: ᴬⁿᵍˢᵗʸ? ᶠˡᵘᶠᶠ

ᵂᵒʳᵈ ᶜᵒᵘⁿᵗ: ¹.⁷ᵏ

ᵂᵃʳⁿⁱⁿᵍˢ: ᵘⁿⁿᵒᵗⁱᶜᵉᵈ ˡᵒᵛᵉ, ᶜʳᵘˢʰ ᵒⁿ ˢᵒᵐᵉᵒⁿᵉ ᵉˡˢᵉ, ˢᵃᵈ ˡᵒᵛᵉ ˢᵗᵒʳʸ, ⁿᵒᵗ ᵃ ʰᵃᵖᵖʸ ᵉⁿᵈⁱⁿᵍ

ᴬ/ᴺ: ᴴⁱ ᵃⁿᵒⁿ! ᴵ'ᵐ ˢᵒʳʳʸ ᶠᵒʳ ᵗᵃᵏⁱⁿᵍ ᵃ ᵇⁱᵗ, ᴵ ˡⁱᵗᵉʳᵃˡˡʸ ʰᵃᵈ ⁿᵒ ⁱᵈᵉᵃ ʷʰᵃᵗ ᵗᵒ ʷʳⁱᵗᵉ, ᵐʸ ᶠᵃᵘˡᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ 🥹.ᴵ ᵏⁿᵒʷ ᴵ ᵈⁱᵈⁿ'ᵗ ᶠᵒˡˡᵒʷ ᵗʰᵉ ᵖʳᵒᵐᵖᵗ ᵉˣᵃᶜᵗˡʸ ᵇᵘᵗ ᴵ ʰᵒᵖᵉ ᵗʰⁱˢ ⁱˢ ᵒᵏᵃʸ 🫶

ᴮᵃⁿⁿᵉʳ: @cafekitsune

“Isn't he the cutest?”

Jeongwoo turned to face your eyes which were glued to your phone, he couldn't help but roll his eyes and look right back to his own individual device.

“I don't know what you find so attractive about him.”

“Well he's cute, he's nice too so I don't really know what there isn't to like about him.”

“There's better people out there.”

“Well, to be fair you're never gonna find the best person in the world. That's just delusional, the best person is who is right for us and that's different for everyone.”

Your best friend finally made eye contact with you for the first time since you both ate, you turned off your phone and placed it face down on the table.

“What about you?” You asked, turning your full body to face him, who was busy drinking his coffee.

He responded with a confused pitch “What about me?”

“Do you like anyone? I always talk about him so I just wanted to know if you had anyone like that.”

He glanced up at the ceiling thinking for a solid moment, he glitched out of reality and completely lost himself in his own world. You… who had now become awkward, laughed a bit which seemed to bring him back to his senses.

“I do like someone, but I don't wanna tell you.”

“Aw come'on now, don't be mean.”

“I'm not, I just don't go around telling everyone like you do..”

“See? That just proves my point that you're mean.”

“There's a huge difference mind you.”

Rolling your eyes, maybe because you were now genuinely curious to know who he may have liked, or because of how he was being a jerk. Nevertheless you brought yourself to stand up and went to the kitchen.

“I should start prepping dinner, is regular pasta okay with you?”

“If you're gonna treat me to some food then might as well make me something luxurious.” he taunted, a slight smirk creeping onto his malicious face.

“You're not worth my time and energy.” You teased back in which a visible frown appeared on his face, turning back to the front of the couch and turning on the TV to put on some random channel so he could at least try to assist you in making dinner.

Although Jeongwoo and you had known each other for practically forever, you both had what could only be described as a love-hate relationship even though you both were technically each other's closest friend.

“Jeongwoo, pass me the ball.”

“No, come get it yourself.”

“You always tell me that, at least kick it a little.”

“Make me.”

“I'm gonna get run over if I go over there!”

It was your favorite excuse because he knew you were right, and he couldn't bear to watch you get hurt. It was always the best thing to say when he didn't want to pass you a simple ball.

“Thanks, Jeongie.”

He pretended to not like that name, you knew he did. Despite you cringing when you said it for the first few times you got used to it and it became a way of teasing him, and now it was really more of a habit.

Moving into college you both became roommates, really no one could complain even though you liked to pretend it was the most miserable thing that could happen to you at first… well sometimes still like to tease him that way.

“You've got to be kidding me.” you muttered

“You know you like being with me.” he responded, flopping onto the couch.

“I've already spent the last 12 years of my life with you- I don't need to add another 4.”

“Hey, at least it's better than getting a stranger, you've known me for 12 years and know I'm not a creep at least!”

“You're gonna throw parties every weekend!”

“I will not!”

“Ugh… I knew I should've transferred.”

“I'll only throw parties with your permission!”

“I don't like parties so if you're gonna throw one, tell me at least 3 days prior so I can make plans to go out.”

“Deal.”

“Oh! And you're cleaning up after yourself!”

“Yes I know… I'm not irresponsible..”

“That's debatable-”

“Hey! Let's just make some rules and boundaries list. You make one, I make one and then it's a fair game.”

You thought about the offer for a moment until you nodded and made your list of rules to follow, that really applied for both you and Jeongwoo because all of them were reasonable.

And that's mainly how you ended up where you were, roommates with whom you perceived as an all too familiar face.

————————————————————————

“Do you wanna go eat?” You heard Jeongwoo ask from the other side of the couch.

You glanced at him, both of you had been studying in the living room, although he was in a different major, you did sometimes study in the same room because you knew very well that there were always those phone tendencies.

So you both completed assignments together sometimes in order to limit your access to those tendencies… So upon hearing him you wondered if he somehow got ahold of his phone and dialed some random friend's number so they could go get takeout together and you somehow were so laser focused on your assignment that you hadn't noticed him pick up his phone.

Just as you were about to scold him and tell him to focus, you noticed his phone on the table where it had always been. Confused, you looked over to see his eyes fixed on his computer before looking up at you.

“Are you talking to me?” you asked

“Come’on, don't get delusional. You would never be so focused on studying in order for me to go unnoticed when I pick up my phone. Yes I'm talking to you!”

“My bad-” you muttered, rolling your eyes at the unnecessary offense that he just gave you, almost wanting to reject him because of that but decided to nod just because you were hungry. “But you're paying,” you added..

He nodded slowly as he slowly shut his computer “Yeah… it's my treat”

He was getting up slowly and only then did you start to wonder if he was okay, he seemed off, kind of upset and a little stressed, you set your computer to the side and picked up your phone, “you okay?”

“What do you mean?” He replied, making his way to pick up his wallet which was sitting on the TV table, he opened it to check how much money was in it.

“You seem a bit upset, or nervous. Are you okay?” You asked again, this time he just simply nodded without saying a word. It was abnormal behavior for him and that kinda made you more suspicious, but maybe he just wasn't in a chatty mood and the only one who would be worsening it would be you, so you decided to stay quiet.

It wasn't late at night, but it definitely wasn't early. There was a fast food lot nearby so there was no need to hop onto a taxi, there weren't many students in the area like you expected, so the walk was pretty peaceful.

Glancing up at the moon and then glancing back down in front of the non-busy city “It's a nice night isn't it?” you could hear Jeongwoo say beside you.

“It really is, it's nice and quiet, there's a light breeze, and the lights are gorgeous…”

“I agree..”

You both walked in silence for another few moments before you looked up at him and asked.

“Speaking of- why did you decide to invite me all of a sudden?”

Jeongwoo turned to you and made quick eye contact before breaking it and looking back to your surroundings. “I kinda figured we both needed a break. Nice and simple explanation.”

“Oh that's cool but I don't buy it- I think you wanna tell me something.” You teased.

“I have nothing to tell you- you're a boring person.” He replied with a frown appearing on his face, slight pout as he placed his hands in his pockets and brought his face down into the crook of his jacket in order to shield his nose from the cold… sure it was fall, but to be fall it was definitely one of the warmer nights today.

“Still cold sensitive huh?”

“A little”

“Guess you've really never changed” you said with a sigh, slightly smiling and remembering the old times with your childhood best friend.

“I haven't thrown any parties ever since we became roommates. That was 3 years ago.”

You froze in place, you never noticed how close it was to the last year in your curriculum, and you also didn't realize how Jeongwoo, the life of the party… never actually threw his own ever since he moved in with you.

“Crap, I never noticed that we only had one year left, I'm moving out of the dorms next year.”

“That's right.” He answered to your comment, you who was slightly petrified at the sudden realization hitting you.

“I don't know if I'm ready for that yet-”

“Why? Because you wanna see -”

“No! Because I won't be able to see you again!”

Jeongwoo stopped in his tracks, looking at you confused, “you're gonna miss me?” He asked in which you replied with an annoyed pitch “you jerk, how would I not miss you? I've been with you for practically 15 years by now and you expect me to just forget about you?”

“Well- I kinda did…”

“I’ll find you and I'll show up to your wedding when you least expect it.”

You noticed his mood drop a bit and you wondered if you had said the wrong thing, you immediately apologized but he brushed it off.

“I won't show up to yours just know that.”

You lifted an eyebrow, staring at him confused by his words.

“Why?”

“I can't watch the girl I love get married to someone else.”

“What…?” You questioned, words shaky and almost trailing off into the air.

“Don’t say that you didn't know-”

“I really didn't -”

“Of course you didn't. You were too busy loving someone else to notice me.”

“Jeongwoo - I'm sorry… I really didn't know.”

Before you realized you had arrived at the food area, you glanced at him who was already making eye contact with you.

“What would you like to eat?”

[angelsanarchy]

Glass Houses: Jack Thurlow x Y/N Series CH 12 -> CH 13

"I'm kind of terrified of her getting to know the real me." "Hey, the real you might be a pretentious dick but you're not a bad person."

Tagging: @roryculkinluvr @thatsthewrongwallcraig @icarus-star @cc-luvr @madamemaximoff06 @shady-the-simp @quicksilversg1rl @s-0lar @kristennero-wallacewellsver @ophelialaufey @mayathepsychic1999

Jack kept busy moving his laptop and writing journals into his dad's old art studio. He's decided that he needs a separation of where he works and where he sleeps, a recommendation made by Dr. Carty.

He was actually surprised how much more he got written now that he was in a different space of the house. He felt almost like he was channeling some of his father's creativity as he wrote. He had the curtains pulled open and the window crack slightly allowing the breeze into the room. It gave him a since of freedom he hadn't truly felt since being back in the house.

"Bitchface!? Are you up there?" Jack startled hearing Shanda's voice coming up the steps.

"In here ya stupid slut." Jack called out to her, making sure to save and shut his laptop. She came up the stairs an spotted him immediately as he threw his arms open.

"What do you think? Not too bad right?" Jack looked around the room and Shanda nodded.

"It looks great. You look like shit but the house is really coming along." Shanda hugged Jack and could feel how much thinner he was since they last saw one another.

"What are you living on? Slim jims and coffee?" Shanda ran her fingertips under the dark circles of his eyes.

"I'm working on it. I have an appointment with my doc coming up to talk about a medication change. Too many side effects are making it a pain in the ass just getting up in the morning." Jack explained.

"Can you even do that? I mean will that set you back?" Shanda asked curiously.

"Yeah Y/n explained that sometimes you need to find the right cocktail of medication so you don't live a miserable life with a bunch of fucked up side effects." Jack explained

"Well did you want me to stay and keep an eye out while you go through the change?" Shanda asked making Jack laugh.

"I'm mentally ill Shan, not a werewolf. I'll be fine. Y/n checks in almost daily so if I have any issues, she's right down the street." Shanda's eyebrow went up.

"You made a friend?" Shanda smirked.

"Yes I made a friend. Technically she's a neighbor and owns the dog that looks like Rusty but yes we're pretty friendly." Jack couldn't hide his smile and Shanda laughed out loud.

"You're friendly. Friendly like you have a book club or friendly like you 69 in the kitchen?" Shanda was happy to see Jack making progress but she will always worry about him.

"Jesus Christ. Is that the friendship spectrum with lesbians?" Jack teased.

"Hey I just want to make sure I don't eat off the counter where your ass has been." She held her hands up in defense.

"No we aren't fucking. We just...hang out. She mostly brings me food and let's the dog stay when I'm having a bad night. It's been nice.." Jack trailed off and Shanda could tell something was up.

"But?"

"I'm kind of terrified of her getting to know the real me." Jack tucked his hair behind his ears and Shanda shook her head.

"Hey, the real you might be a pretentious dick but you're not a bad person." Shanda defended.

"Jack be serious. Do you really think you're supposed to be stuck in this house all by yourself, writing some manifesto forever alone?" Shanda asked.

"I'm not writing a manifesto." Jack laughed.

"Jack." Shanda's tone was serious.

"I don't know Shan! I just don't want to hurt anyone like I did Cleo. I mean I was going through something but even you've admitted that it was a bastard move. Y/n has a lot going on in her life and I don't want to make it worse." Jack had to admit that the more time he spent talking with Y/n, the more he wondered what she was doing during the day. They texted often and he enjoyed her insight and sense of humor. There was a piece of him that felt like he didn't deserve this feeling. He didn't deserve a second chance to find someone to spend his days with that he truly cared about.

"You did everything you could to try and apologize to Cleo. She may not have reached out or accepted it but she's moved on with her life, Jack. She moved out of your old place, she's got a new boyfriend..." Jack's eyes lit up.

"Really?" Shanda wonders if she said too much.

"Yes and she's happy. You can't keep punishing yourself for what happened in the past. Things could have been so much worse. Your relationship was collateral damage but you shouldn't live the rest of your life miserably because of it. You deserve happiness just like she does." Shanda threw her arm around Jack's neck and he nodded.

"I love you you fluffy haired bitch. Love yourself a little...and let your neighbor suck your dick for a bit." Shanda teased.

"And they say I'm the fucked up one." Jack put his arm around Shanda and she laughed.

"Hey we're all fucked up. I just know how to have fun." Shanda pulled Jack with her out of the room.

"I'm happy you're here. Thanks for always showing up for me." Jack knew this visit was going to be interesting now that she knew he had an infatuation with the neighbor. All he could hope was that it didn't end in disaster.

[feminine-obedient-alexandra]

First Times

For a long time, i didn't understand what Men find hot about this. A girl licking a toilet or other non-sexual but icky things. But nowadays i know that it isn't about sex, it is about dignity. A normal person wouldn't lick the toilet, but a dirty whore would. That means by licking the toilet the girl admits to being a dirty whore. She shows that she has no boundaries, that she will do anything for him. Often it does not even matter what it is she does, as long as she does it because he wants it (and would never do it without him demanding it). And the more repulsive the action is, the more turned on the Man gets.

By debasing ourselves, by lowering ourselves to toilet licking whores, we can attract male attention. Every girl can look pretty in a dress, it is not that difficult. And while it is also not technically difficult to lick a toilet, most girls get stopped by their pride and dignity. Only by being able to overcome those burdens, we can show Men that we are worth their time. We can show them that we don't act inside the normal morals, that we are not like all the other girls, we are better, more fun. Of course, toilet licking is here just an example, not every Man will be into this particular action, but what they are into is into pushing the boundaries of what is considered "normal".

In that sense, it is kind of a test. A test if we are ready to submit or if our pride and dignity have ruined us. When it comes to sex Men have a very dirty and creative mind. There will always be new things that they invent. Just look at the porn industry. One would assume that by now every kind of porn has already been shot but yet the industry is booming with more and more videos coming out each day. Men don't want to let their sex life get stale, they need new things. So while it might have been enough to show some ankle 150 years ago, today Men need more. They need dirty sluts. They need us to throw away the "morals" of society and go the extra mile. Where it once has been showing some ankle, then maybe some knee and now we are in a time where clean-shaven pubic hair and anal sex is expected.

It won't stop. It will keep going. Men will need more and more, we can't just sit back and relax on the basis that we once licked a toilet. No, Men need more and need it repeated. You cannot do things for the first time twice. Once you degraded yourself in a certain way, you can repeat it but you can never make happen for the first time again. With each repeat, it will get easier and more normal. That is why morals shift - there will always be people on the edge of what is "normal" and push the boundaries a little further. And after a while, it is not seen as weird anymore and a new normal gets created.

So keep in mind that with every degrading action, with every defiance of your pride and with every renouncing of your dignity, you shift what's normal a little bit further. And every first you give your Man just ingrains you in his brain. A Man will not remember the 10th blowjob he got, but he sure as hell still knows everything about the first time he came into a girl's mouth. Do your research and check the porn sites for new stuff. Look at what is trending, those are the videos Men are watching. Watching something is the first step. After they have seen plenty of it, they will want to experience it. So prepare by watching the same videos and get used to the ideas in porn. Over time even the most degrading actions can appear normal to us, use this to your advantage and always be one step ahead :)

Of course, this does not mean that this is all Men want. Men want a variety of things, they are quite complex beings. But porn, sex, and degradation go hand in hand. Every Man is influenced by them to some extent. Some more and some less. But it never hurts to dismantle any pride you might feel. Pride never helped anyone, it is poisonous. With dignity it is the same. No girl ever got her prince charming because she was the most dignified. No Man ever had an orgasm from respecting a girl.

[mecachrome]

for an incredibly new f1 follower, what would you recommend for getting up to date with teams and racers and performances and history? apart from dts lol

oh that is a good question!!! i don't think i'm even the best person to answer this but honestly i think it all comes naturally if you pick a specific thing/team/person you're interested in and set out to learn more about that topic, because everything is so connected and with time you can fill in those knowledge gaps pretty quickly :') more under the cut:

dts is imo perfectly acceptable for learning names and faces for the first time and basically creating a vague outline of a given subject (i've said it's like using duolingo for learning a new language lol), so if you watch it and are like oh—i'm interested in charles or mercedes or learning more about technical regulations or whatever, then you can just dive deeper into that via wiki / youtube / podcasts + published media + old race archives and build up from there!

otherwise i think the main thing is just to start watching the actual races when the season gets underway, and in order to properly appreciate them then also read up on + watch videos about the technical/strategy side of the sport as well. back in the day i used to really like chain bear and i still always recommend it to anyone who asks! after that i would just seek out like... a community/server/place where other people are discussing news real-time; this could be meeting people on tumblr and twitter, but personally i'm subscribed to r/formula1 because it's the most active composite source of f1 news and Discourse. if you're reddit-averse i also just keep a big list on twitter with a bunch of random data accounts, official driver/team accounts, journalists, etc. that helps me keep up with the season in a tidy fashion—though honestly f1 journalism is so unserious that you don't really need to do that because most journos regurgitate the same three quotes in slightly different formats, so if you want to follow One Guy who won't disseminate bs info i'd recommend chris medland. or just general sport publications like autosport, motosport.com, the athletic if you're already subscribed to it (pretty lacking for f1 though since it's american lol), etc... some sites like the-race are very contentious though so i'd say just tread with caution!!! on the data side i personally enjoy fdatanalysis and f1telemetrydata (i've also used f1-tempo to do my own telemetry analysis but idk if that's useful). but again i'd highly recommend the subreddit since it keeps everything i just mentioned in one place anyway 😭

other media recs:

f1tv, if it's available in your area, has pretty much everything you need to follow f1 in its entirety. i hate to shill for paid media but i genuinely think it's good; you can watch every f1, f2, f3 session real-time, as well as go to the archives and revisit old races for each series from most seasons. it also has technical shows and a whole host of minidocs with bite-sized info that are probably less sensationalized than dts. if you don't have f1tv though then a lot of decent content is cross-posted to the f1 youtube so honestly the official channels are all pretty good for keeping up with the sport.

podcasts: if you're an auditory person then podcasts are a great way to deepdive into f1 history. personally i believe that 80% of men running f1 podcasts should be legally barred from ever having an opinion on motorsport, so i don't listen to that many, but i do enjoy the official f1 podcast beyond the grid (i listen to it on spotify but you can also find full transcripts on the f1 site) since, you know, they get official personnel on and i appreciate the wide range of personalities interviewed—from drivers to tps to various types of engineers. i've also heard good things about shift+f1, the race, and engine braking, but i haven't checked them out so i'd recommend just looking podcasts up yourself and seeing what vibes with you! though some podcasts are just like... I'll eat this because you're interviewing my guy but i would never watch/listen to you otherwise. (cough pit stop...)

books & autobiographies: again if you want to dive more into old f1, then you can always read a book!! i read jenson's autobiography life to the limit earlier and was very endeared, it's a super breezy but charming read ❤️ adrian newey's memoir is also a decent overview of a clearly brilliant and accomplished mind, i enjoyed the technical details and found his early career path especially interesting.

docus, movies, tv: there's also plenty of f1 media outside of f1tv, so you can always check those out; f1 movies aren't necessarily that accurate or frankly good but sometimes it's fun just for the Vibes and the love of the sport. for ex rush (2013) covers james hunt & niki lauda's rivalry, netflix has a schumacher (2021) doc, the brawn gp miniseries ft. jense came out last november, just things like that... some current individual drivers also have their own random miniseries so you can always seek those out, for ex i watched maxv's anatomy of a champion the other day just for the fun of it LOL.

i don't know whether any of this is helpful... but maybe other people can reply with their own recommendations!!!

also if you're interested in f2, f3, etc. then honestly just follow feeder series on whatever platform since they cover everything pretty well; feeder_series on twitter, r/f1feederseries, plus they do interview podcasts on youtube/spotify so i like watching those to keep up with young drivers. you can also watch chasing the dream for succinct f2 narratives; it used to only be on f1tv but it gets uploaded on youtube now so it's fairly accessible. lmk if you have any other questions or something specific you'd like more info about!!!