#that he's already asked 'am i still that same person?' - a different question. the answer to which would be 'no' even before

[commsroom]

when it comes down to it, however much i think about eiffel's memory, whatever my reasoning might be, i think there's a much simpler core explanation for why i feel the way i do. i've said before that, if eiffel did regain his memory, i would want it to happen through 'an eiffel version of change of mind' i.e. a personal inner journey where the narrative he tells himself amounts to some greater reminder, self-confrontation, and self-realization. and that's just it:

eiffel regaining his memory wouldn't be a cop out to me for the same reason that lovelace not actually dying isn't a cop out: it's not just a story beat, it's a catalyst for character development & a better understanding of lovelace as a person. eiffel has spent his whole life trying not to be the person he is, and i just don't feel wolf 359 is the type of story to let him off the hook for that, when the ending is as much about accountability (to ourselves and to others and all the ways those responsibilities overlap) as it is about hope. i think there are ways you could argue that eiffel can still be eiffel without regaining his memory, but i think i've convinced myself that the symbolic resurrection / self-confrontation and acceptance of all the people he's been in the past, in order to move forward, is the more compelling option, especially for what it parallels, and the "eiffel is still eiffel" part is non-negotiable. it doesn't even feel like a question to me.

(and it makes the most sense to me in the context of eiffel's survivor's guilt - "of course i was fine. the driver's always fine." - and tendency towards a type of self-sacrifice and self-punishment that the show ultimately denies him / that doesn't address his real problem. he thinks sacrificing himself for the people he cares about will make up for something, but it won't. having him make that sacrifice and then keep living and keep being doug eiffel, with everything that means, feels like the natural extension of constructive criticism.)

in another story, or in a more theoretical context, there are all kinds of questions you could ask about whether eiffel's memory loss means he's a different person now, but in this case... i think it's better understood in narrative terms and what it represents for him as a character than any broader philosophical conclusion about the nature of the self and human consciousness. (and it is in no way as absolute as people sometimes behave like it is, considering he still has a concept of, like... everything. but that's a whole other topic of discussion.) most importantly, i just don't believe wolf 359 is a story about ideas as much as it is a story about people, these people, and in order to (hypothetically) continue to tell a story about doug eiffel, well. he has to still be doug eiffel. one way or another.

[cluescorner]

Randomized Robins AU - Ages + Worst Trait Exercise:

Steph (25):

Says her worst trait is her murderous rages (she is exaggerating for dramatic/comedic effect, she’s killed 3 people tops and for very good reason)

Thinks her worst trait is her spitefulness (one of the few traits she definitely got from her father + one that prevents her from fixing her relationships and living her best possible life. She’ll refuse to interact with someone she dearly loves after an argument (happens significantly less after Tim’s death) or will say things she knows are hurtful just for the sake of having the last word. This trait will worsen in some ways as the list of people who have wronged her and those she loves grows, but will also ease up as she matures and realizes the harm it���s doing to her relationships with those she loves most.)

Her worst trait really is her spitefulness

Cass (26)

Says her worst trait is her self-righteousness (she believes that her goals are righteous and, as a result, she is righteous. Cass becomes very defensive whenever someone questions the mission and often does not second-guess herself. This is a trait she only develops later in life as she grows closer to Bruce/learns to understand herself more/starts to love herself more. But she knows she isn’t perfect and when somebody she trusts criticizes something she is doing she is willing to listen. She just usually isn’t the one to START the introspection.) 

Thinks her worst trait is her self-righteousness. 

Her worst trait actually is her obsessiveness (she gets it from Bruce and, while not as bad as him, she will easily become preoccupied with her night-life and the mission if someone isn’t there to pull her back. She will do this to the point of self-destruction and it hurts her relationships with the people she loves, especially Steph.)

Tim (24)

Says his worst trait is his spitefulness (he actively rejects the idea of mending his relationships with the older members of the family and this causes him to also lack good relationships with the younger ones)

Thinks his worst trait is his obsessiveness (similar to Cass, if he gets fixated on a task or idea he will neglect everything else in his life in order to dedicate more time to it. Unlike Cass, he will almost never be dragged away from it unless Pierrot snatches control of the body and forces them to take care of themself.)

His worst trait actually is how manipulative he is (the KING of guilt-tripping and using people’s emotions against them. He’ll do whatever he needs to do to get what he wants, he’s not above crocodile tears. And he will do it to whoever he needs (or wants) to with little care for how his actions impact others.)

Pierrot (Insists: “Age doesn’t apply to me! And even if it did, I'd probably be the oldest. Or the youngest! I’d never be a middle child, though.” Mental assessments by the Bats have put him around 21, with a margin of error of 3 years. Pierrot has called this “blatant character assassination by my eternal rival!”)

Says his worst trait is that he is an irredeemable psychopath without any regard for the wellbeing of others (this is a lie and everyone who's important to him understands this). 

Thinks his worst trait is his parasitic nature (he literally would not exist had Tim not suffered the way he did. Plus he is a living reminder of one of the worst things that happened to many of his loved ones. He is a parasite injected into a functional person's body and contributes to his continued suffering. This is also a largely incorrect judgement of himself, caused by his actual worst trait.)

His worst trait actually is his limited sense of self (he doesn’t really know who he is outside of ‘inheritor to the legacy of the Joker (a man he despises yet also views as a father)’ and ‘chip in Tim’s brain that became sentient’. He slowly develops an identity over the course of his life and relationships with other people, but he lacks the foundations of identity that most people have. Pierrot will often almost become a caricature of himself and what others perceive him to be because it's the only person he knows how to be. This causes wild swings in how he behaves and relates to others, sometimes to the detriment of himself and others.)

Dick (17) 

Says his worst trait is his clinginess (he is a very extraverted person who likes to be around others, which mixed with his fear of abandonment after his parents died means that if he goes a few days without seeing/talking to a friend he will get very anxious.)

Thinks his worst trait is his anger issues (he gets ticked off very easily and will explode on people. He’s kind at his core and is usually very nice, but he has a temper that can escalate significantly. Spoiler (and later Twist) help him channel this anger into something positive.)

His worst trait actually is his anger issues.

Barbara (18)

Says her worst trait is her disability (internalized ableism, she thinks of herself as less valuable than the other Bats because she cannot be out there in the capes like they can. She will grow out of this as she matures and as she learns how invaluable her support for the team is.)  

Thinks her worst trait is her disability 

Her worst trait actually is her overly-independent nature (In an attempt to overcompensate for everything she can no longer do, she has resolved to do literally everything that she possibly can without any help from others. This results in many instances where she either takes on too much and winds up not being able to fully realize any of her tasks or where she makes her life and the lives of others significantly harder by refusing help when offered/not asking for it when she needs it.)

Damian (16)

Says his worst trait is his perfectionism (he is overly critical of both himself and others, taking any flaw or problem and amplifying it to an absurd degree. This is due in part to his life with the LoA (where even a brief misstep could lead to death), in part to how others treated him initially as Spoiler (any flaw was fixated on and used as a reason to either mistrust him or portray him as unworthy of the mantle), and in part due to the fact that he is Bruce’s son (the only person with worse perfectionism problems than Damian). Gradually, Damian has improved in this regard but it’s still a massive barrier to both his own happiness and his relationships with others.)

Thinks his worst trait is his perfectionism 

His worst trait actually is his perfectionism

Duke (16)

Says his worst trait is his definitely-real secret evil side (says this as a ‘my dad is a villain so who knows??’ joke)

Thinks his worst trait is his impulsivity in his words (Sometimes he will crack a joke or say a remark without thinking it through, leading to a LOT of hurt feelings and drama. He’ll say something without thinking it through and wind up seeming insensitive. This isn’t done because of malice, rather because Duke is someone who’s quick to act and speak. But while the mantle of Insight and his awakening powers have helped him with his actions, they do not always help with his loose tongue. As such, Duke gains an unfair reputation in the media as an instigator and will accidentally cause family drama through what he says.)

His worst trait actually is his impulsivity in his words

Jason (14)

Says his worst trait is his bad manners (he grew up on the streets and has no idea how rich-people society works, which he’s pretty insecure about considering he’s now the youngest kid of Bruce freaking Wayne). 

Thinks his worst trait is his reactiveness (Jason never got the privilege of planning ahead for various events in his life, so he instead needed to rely on being swift and harsh in how he could react to situations. It’s saved his life on multiple occasions and helps significantly in his role as Spoiler, but it can also lead to extreme overreactions (accidentally causing kidnapping scare after Jason ran away following a fight with Dick) and a struggle to plan things out ahead of time. As he grows more secure in his place in the family and in life, this trait will lessen but never fully dissipate.)

His worst trait actually is his reactiveness

[ecoamerica]

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[reiding-writing]

Okokokok

Cold!reader just looking in to spencers eyes just inches away from his face and saying "i feel things when im with you" after morgan called her ruler of all that is evil and stoic

MAJORITY VOTE [ONESHOT]

/məˈdʒɒrəti vəʊt/

morgan is convinced that you’re incapable of expressing human emotion, so you bring spencer in as backup to consolidate you.

WARNINGS: fem!reader, jokes about lack of emotional vulnerability

spencer reid x cold!reader || fluff || 1.0k || series masterlist!!

a/n: on my productivity game rn 🫡 made this a little less on the nose but still the same vibes yk?

main masterlist!!

“Well well, if it isn’t my favourite robot, get tired of the icy planes of your snow kingdom and decide to come into work early today?” Morgan laughs at his own humour as you walk around the bullpen towards your desk, swivelling his chair in your direction.

“The coffee shop I go to was closed.” You dump your messenger bag on your desk with a loud ‘thud’. Clearly missing your morning coffee had put a damper on your already unenthusiastic mood.

“So we can be expecting even less humanity from you today, got it,” He shoots you a thumbs up with a laugh as he watches you slump down in your chair with a huff, audibly finding entertainment in your misery.

“I am perfectly human thank you very much,” You shoot him a glare across the diagonal of your desks as you unpack your bag for the day and dump it on the floor by your feet.

“No offence, but I’ve seen more emotional vulnerability in a rock,” You groan internally at his response, dragging the palm of your hand down your face. It was too early to be having this debate.

Any time was too early to be having this debate. Why did people constantly feel like they had to bring up the fact that you weren’t open with yourself? If you didn’t know Morgan was being completely unserious you’re sure you would have smacked him by now.

“I am very in tune with my emotions, you can ask Reid.”

Morgan laughs at your comment like you’d just told him the moon was made of cheese. “Please, Reid would take your side even if it was you calling doctor who the worst tv show to ever air, his opinion is completely biased,”

“That is not true, Reid is very logical in his opinions,”

“Thank… You?” You turn your head at the new voice in the conversation, Spencer glancing between the two of you with a confused expression etched onto his face as he wrings the strap of his messenger bag between his hands.

“Reid. Perfect timing.” You get up from your seat with a start, ignoring the pale pink shade covering his cheeks at your compliment. He chooses to take it as a compliment anyway.

You stop a few feet in front of him with your arms crossed tight across your chest and a determined expression on your face. “I have emotions don’t I?”

“I- What?” He blinks at you blankly in response, your question coming completely out of left field and not helped by the fact you’d essentially bombarded him the second he walked into the office and was now invading in his personal space.

“That’s a leading question,” Morgan drawls out his words with a shake of his head. “Leading questions lead to inaccurate results Ice Queen, you’re a Psychologist you know this,”

“Be quiet.” You turn to hush Morgan with a sharp movement of your hands before turning back to Spencer again, the confusion on his face only growing the longer the interaction goes on. “You’ve seen me display multiple different emotions haven’t you?”

“I- …Yes?” Spencer doesn’t look any less confused as he answers your question, but you take it as a win anyway as you gesture outwards to Spencer with a triumphant glimmer in your eyes.

“There. Proof.”

“I already said Reid is an unreliable source,” Morgan rolls his eyes with an amused expression at much you’re going out of your way to prove him wrong.

“Two sources.” you wave your finger between yourself and Spencer. “That’s majority vote,”

“Biased majority vote,”

“Maybe you just need to accept the fact that you’re not as good of a profiler as you think you are,” You shrug your shoulders nonchalantly.

“Hey woah now-”

Spencer continues to look between the two of you with absolutely zero idea of the context of the conversation, leaning slightly forward to speak over your shoulder to you. “….whats going on?”

“Nothing Reid, you’re fine,” You step to the side and encourage him forward with a hand on his arm, which he follows with no question despite still being entirely confounded at the situation, letting his bag fall to the floor as he takes a seat next to Morgan at his own desk.

“I’m still calling bias, that’s clear favouritism,” Morgan continues to stand his ground as you retake your own seat opposite Spencer, waving his finger at the two of you like a scolding parent.

“What’s favouritism?” Spencer tries to get insight on the conversation, but Morgan keeps his attention focused on shooting at you and not divulging why.

“It’s not favouritism, it’s fact.”

Morgan shakes his head with a huff, reclining back in his chair and crossing his arms. “It’s favouritism…” He was starting to loose his will to debate with you now, something you were definitely grateful about considering you’d now been arguing about your emotional state for over ten minutes.

“Sure sure whatever,” You wave Morgan off with a roll of your eyes, turning your attention to Spencer and giving him a short nod. “Thanks,”

He mirrored your nod with one of his own, eyebrows scrunched together and lips pressed into an awkward smile. “You’re welcome?”

[drconstellation]

First-Order Archangels

Part 1: Maybe You'll Spot An Archangel

GABRIEL: I told you you could ask. However, I am the only First-Order archangel in the room, or, you know, the Universe, so I'm not gonna answer so much. But you feel free to knock yourself out with all the asking.

While I was writing my meta series The Passion Of Jimbriel it became fairly obvious to me there was something more going on between Crowley and Gabriel in S2 than just the numerous pointers to Crowley's pre-fall angel status. They are acting as both parallels and foils to each other, and in places you can swap their characters and get the same story at a different time – and that just opens up a whole new window of context and insight into things. For pre-reading, see this meta from @vidavalor that nicely lists some obvious parallels. It doesn’t mention everything though, so I’m going to discuss parts in more detail.

A foil is a character who contrasts with the protagonist, to highlight or differentiate certain qualities between the characters. Crowley and Gabriel do this because they have come from essentially the same place, and share some story elements, but they still end up in different places.

There is a lengthy original discussion about Crowley's pre-fall angel status here, for pre-reading. It points out the obvious and some not so obvious points that ops have noticed in S2 telling us about Crowley's pre-fall status. Rather than just go through them all again, I'd like to look at some other scenes in S2 that also tell us something about both the similarities and the differences between these two high-powered entities as I go along. In addition, I’ve done a series of posts looking at Gabriel as a shoulder angel (links at the end of post,) because quite often he’s on the demonic left-hand side – which makes sense when you realize he’s a Crowley parallel.

Take the arrival of Gabriel to Whickber St and the bookshop. I’ve already mentioned this parallel story line a couple of times now, but lets look at it again in more detail. It mirrors the opening of S1E1 where the serpent climbs the wall of the Garden of Eden, morphs into a demon and starts to converse with the angel standing on the wall.

Back in the present day, we have a Gabriel, who also tends to present on the sinister-side, walking up to the gate of the present day Garden (the bookshop), which is still guarded by the same angel as it was 6000 years ago, and basically tells Aziraphale he has “fallen.”

How to we know this? It is a reference to the Fall of Man, when Adam and Eve ate the apple the serpent offered them, they suddenly became aware of their nakedness, and hid from God. Gabriel has already upset the love-apple tomato cart on his way to the door of the bookshop, its a sign of the chaos to come.

The fallen angel is not sure of his name, so he prompts with a question…

And asks for shelter under the (reluctant) angel’s wing..

But there is one thing he does know, the one thing that drew him to Aziraphale in the first place:

AZIRAPHALE: Then why did you come to my shop? GABRIEL: I don't know. I just thought I should. You know what it's like when you- when you don't know anything at all, and yet you're totally certain that everything would be better if you were just near one particular person?

Later, Aziraphale realizes that he must give Gabriel a new name to hide him – because fallen angels take on a new name, don’t they? Just like Crowley did.

Then we get a confession:

Which is what Crowley loves about Aziraphale as well - that bit of unpredictability, because you know how humour kind of works? It throws the unexpected at you.

Early on in S2 we find out they are both in trouble: first His Royal Smugness, then Our Hero himself. Our view is turned upside down, with the angel made the bad guy and the demon the good guy who needs to win. But both of them are being hunted by Shax.

Then we get one of the early clues pointing to Crowley's high status as an angel:

SHAX: A miracle of enormous power happened last night. The kind of miracle only the mightiest of Archangels could've performed. CROWLEY: Mm? SHAX: Somewhere very close to your friend's bookshop. Are you telling me you don't know what caused it? CROWLEY: How'd you know I didn't do it?

Shax stalks and threatens both of them, sometimes at the same time:

Another parallel Gabriel and Crowley shared in S2 were associating their identity - no, lets rephrase that - "essence" was one description I've seen - with boxes.

Gabriel arrives with a box that strategically covers his front, and quickly tosses it aside once Aziraphale opens the door to the bookshop. It lies forgotten until Gabriel mentions it a while later. Inside it is the fly from Beelzebub - an object from Hell - so it really needs to be 'invited' across the threshold of the bookshop by Aziraphale to be able to enter. The box initially appears to be empty, Once inside, the fly is free to roam. It has a message written on one side of it.

The same goes for the matchbox. Message included.

ah, wot? you say. Yep.

The matchbox represents Crowley, probably in more ways than one, but I'll just go through the stuff relevant to this meta here.

I notice I'm not the only op to connect the line from the Book of Job on the side of the matchbox with Crowley. The line is from Verse 41, which talks about Leviathan. Among the various shapes it is described to take is a great sea serpent. This deserves its own meta for further discussion, which I plan to do after this one, because yes, Crowley is Leviathan in disguise, but there is much more to it than that. But for now, just know that the matchbox is Crowley.

Once you know this, it makes sense that Muriel finds it - a discarded cardboard box by the front door to Heaven - and deals with a material object that shouldn't by rights exist in Heaven. Then a certain demon finds Muriel lurking outside during the siege on the bookshop at the end of S2E5, and talks them into letting the certain demon be escorted up into Heaven where he doesn't belong, where he's free to roam around - only he needs a guide because he's not sure where to go. Ah Muriel, you poke the Serpent, he's going to poke you back. Good thing he likes you, and it just was a gentle nudge.

Two empty boxes, two cases of memory-loss. That is what S2 seems to suggest to us at first glance.

Gabriel's seems to be the most straight forward in hindsight - find the fly and restore Gabriel to his original "Gabriel-ness." But its more complicated than that. When pushed to remember, his lilac eyes return and another voice can be heard speaking through him of the past. This happens twice, with the second one being part-prophecy. What is really triggering these episodes of channeling? Is it God or someone else speaking through him? We really aren't sure at this point in time.

Then there are questions around Crowley's memory. Did he have his memory wiped when he fell? Was it wiped repeatedly? Was it not wiped at all, and he just pretends he doesn't remember? Neil has even said he is an unreliable narrator about his own Fall, so who are we to trust at this point? Crowley does seem to understand in the end some of the problems Gabriel is having with his absent memories and that brings them to a temporary truce.

Both Aziraphale and Michael inspect their respective "empty" boxes, and neither notices anything obviously amiss. Gabriel's box just seems empty to Aziraphale, he takes no notice of the fly container in there, and archangel Michael tentatively inspects the matchbox brought to them by Muriel but nothing seems out of place there either.

Crowley's change in costume in Heaven during his little infiltration caper with Muriel is also another clue to his past status as an archangel. He has a silvery-gray suit, similar in style to Saraqael's to reinforce the link with them, but at the same time he is also mocking the other archangels and their elite status. We've assumed for a while now that the appearance of the tactical turtleneck signals that Crowley is up to something sneaky or spy related, but I'm starting to think it also relates to a bit of a power play (and Crowley certainly laid the power on for Mr Brown in the pub!) Looking back at S1, Gabriel's not adverse to wearing one either when he needs to be at his worst (or best. Your choice.)

The way one dresses is a way of expressing and reinforcing authority, and its something both Gabriel and Crowley do without much thought. They have been used to being in a position of power and/or independent authority for much of their existence, and I would say that even if Crowley is a few steps down now from where he started, and he's more cautious around those higher ranking than him than he used to be, he still retains that knowledge of what its like to be at the top.

Crowley's usual near all-black costume is a form of power dressing in itself. Whether is was in the past, when black was an expensive color to buy and maintain in clothing, or in the present day, we are still respectful of those in a stylish cut of black.

Gabriel's impeccable tailoring as Supreme Archangel also commands respect. So it's no wonder that one of Gabriel's first requests on regaining his memories was to ask for new clothes! He wasn't just being the vain archangel we believe him to be (although, I think there is still some of that) you also need to consider the elements of the reference characters that went into his shop assistant character: Granville, the belittled shop assistant nephew from the sitcom Open All Hours, who got stuck with all the shop duties from his uncle and felt like life was passing him by, and the silly Monty Python gumbies, that complained of hurting brains - lovable and much loved characters, but not ones you'd really want to be forever. We all want to be loved, but we want to be respected as well.

For all his fierce posturing around Gabriel, there is a brief moment in S2E3 where Crowley backs down and treats Gabriel as an equal - and that is reflected in a change of dress as well. His outside jacket off and sleeve-garters on, Crowley sports a look we haven't seen since S1 when he was home alone in his Mayfair flat. He patiently explains gravity to a curious Gabriel and then describes his "Operation Lovebirds" plan to his puzzled companion. He admits he hasn't "done weather in ages." It's just a quiet, charming moment, watching two ex-archangels get along together.

You're smiling, aren't you?

This meta continues in Part 2: Foils of War, where the differences between Gabriel and Crowley get explored in more detail, and how Aziraphale and Beelzebub act as mirrors to each other a few times as well.

This meta is part of a series on Gabriel: Gabriel as a Shoulder Angel: S1 Study S2 Study Part 1: Ep.1 The Arrival and Ep. 2 The Clue S2 Study Part 2: Ep.3 I Know Where I'm Going and Ep. 5 The Ball S2 Study Part 3: Ep.6 Every Day

First-Order Archangels Part 2: Foils of War

First-Order Archangels Part 3: Seeing Eye to Eye

[that-nerd-who-writes-fanfiction]

I need a fic where Merlin doesn’t know he’s Emrys and doesn’t know about his destiny, he’s just a good person who sees someone constantly almost dying and saves him because he can’t just sit and do nothing.

Kilgharrah doesn’t exist. Plot holes aside, the bitchy basement gecko can go to hell.

Anyway.

This all takes place during The Beginning of The End episode.

Mordred doesn’t call Merlin Emrys, he just cries out for help (and for his dad). Merlin steps in, the rest of the episode is the same but Merlin is determined to help the druid boy he found. Without crusty dinosaur harping on, he gets to choose the right thing for his own morals and critical thinking. Gaius is unsurprisingly resistant, so Merlin is being extremely careful, then Arthur finds him in Morgana’s chambers while he’s healing Mordred.

Let’s go with Morgana already knows about Merlin’s magic and he’s been helping her too against Gaius’ advice.

Arthur feels betrayed and is upset because Merlin can’t seem to give him a straight answer about anything. It’s all still new to him, but he’s learning that Merlin is good even if he doesn’t answer any of Arthur’s questions about magic or why he doesn’t use spells or anything like that. He’s angry but he can’t punish Merlin and free Mordred without being hypocritical, so he mostly sulks.

In all the perceived lies, Arthur snaps and instead of punishing him, he doesn’t let Merlin leave his side until he tells the truth.

So when Arthur takes Mordred back to the Druids, Merlin goes with him. Iseldir greets them as “Emrys and The Once and Future King” They’re both confused, but obviously Arthur is the future king so Arthur asks who Iseldir thought Merlin was.

Iseldir reveals their destiny that Merlin is the god of magic. Merlin is silent and Arthur is so confused and hurt about why Merlin didn’t trust him.

Iseldir answers all of Arthur’s questions about destiny and the prophecy while Merlin doesn’t say a word. He takes it to mean Merlin is ashamed or something similar about the truth coming out, meanwhile Merlin is grappling with the fact that he supposedly isn’t human. After days of Arthur picking on him for “lying” and all the unintentionally cruel jibes, when Iseldir tries to say Merlin was blessed with his power and that it was something he should be grateful for.

Merlin breaks down in a Percy Jackson style “I’m not a god! There’s something wrong with me! I get that whatever I am isn’t supposed to happen, I know I’m a monster, believe me. I never even learned magic and every time I’ve tried to get rid of it, it’s almost killed me! So don’t tell me that this is a blessing, that this curse is something I should be happy about because it’s the reason I’ve spent every single day of my entire life terrified!” Then he stops for a second and the tears roll down his cheeks, “I’m sorry, but I’m not what you think I am. You need to find someone else to believe in.”

(Skip to the end for a happy ending, this is angsty. Warning for dark!Arthur and major character death)

Arthur thinks Merlin is lying and banishes him on the spot. Iseldir warns against it, but Merlin is just so tired so he doesn’t fight it. He’s left broken and believing he’s a monster, so be leaves to protect his friends.

Until a month or so later Arthur is on a hunt when he gets separated and lost, then injured by bandits. Merlin finds him, (he’s been sent off by the druids for failing this destiny he knew nothing about, in search of a solution but they’re not very forthcoming with information) and Merlin heals him. Then they get all the diamond of the day moments while Merlin is nursing Arthur back to health until he succumbs to infection.

Merlin gives his life for Arthur, knowing that he’ll be a good king. This leads Arthur to become really dark, he kills his father and takes over Camelot, welcoming magic but killing anyone with a different opinion. No one is safe, war breaks out and Camelot falls. When Arthur dies, young and during an uprising, he meets Merlin again in Avalon. Merlin doesn’t recognise Arthur with all he’s become, and Arthur is punished to watch all his people suffer with his old mind while watching Merlin continuously pushing him away because “he’s waiting for Arthur, he shouldn’t be alone when he gets here. He would’ve been a good king, he needs someone to take care of him now.” And it breaks Arthur’s heart to hear it every time.

That’s all I got so far, it could be that they’re both driven mad waiting, Arthur by watching his people and Merlin by waiting for a man he’s doomed to never recognise again. I’m not sure, I haven’t gotten that far.

Or for less angst, hurt/comfort where Arthur has to realise that Merlin is just as in the dark as he is, he really doesn’t know any of the questions Arthur had and he’s probably been looking for answers a lot longer. They work together to fix everything and while it’s difficult, Merlin still has issues with lying to protect his friends (intent/outcome issues) Arthur is too trusting still and they have to deal with Morgause and all the other threats but they overcome it together. Albion is united and they live happily ever after.

[lvlyghost]

In the Midst of War: II

PAIRINGS: Simon 'Ghost' Riley x F!Shadow!Reader

SUMMARY: Home is no longer where it used to be. Left with no one else you wonder who your friends and foes are.

WORD COUNT: 2.0k

TW: nightmares, angst, hurt, description of wounds, anxiety (? Not much it's all building up! Mind the english!👻🌛

A/N: sorry that this is way too short. promise next chapter will be longer. already working on it, this time it won't take as long to get out🤞🏻

Masterlist✨Masterpost

"𝒃𝒐𝒚 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒈𝒊𝒓𝒍 𝒎𝒆𝒆𝒕 𝒃𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒈𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒊𝒈𝒏."

"Steamin' Jesus!" Soap's eyes widen at the folder he holds in his hands. Kyle is trying to take a peek into it only for Johnny to further snatch it away from his prying eyes. "You seein' these records?" He asks.

"Come on mate! How am I supposed to see if you won't let me?" he follows him around yet again.

"Fuckin' hell." Ghost mutters under his breath. It's only been a few days since Las Almas. Shepherd and Graves' betrayal. He can't find it in him to deal with two toddlers now. He was one of the first to read the girl's file. Impressive. Yeah, certainly. Not that he would say it out loud let alone to those two. Ghost needed to know her. Know what she was capable of. As a Shadow he was certain she'd be remarkable, the extent of her abilities... that was another thing. He could see why she was Graves' favorite shadow.

"Can't believe she was almost dead when we found her. Would've been a waste of a soldier, don't you think Lt.?"

Ghost stares with a blank face and a quirked eyebrow.

"A mercenary." He gruffly answered.

Soap whistles at his Lieutenant's harsh remark.

"Someone's not happy. She looks like a nice lass, don't you think?" Soap is enjoying this too much for Ghost's liking.

"Not so different from us, Sir." Kyle adds, nodding in agreement.

"They were killing innocents." Ghost crosses his arms over his broad chest. A headache starting to form behind his eyes.

"Yeah, and Laswell said she was not there. Colonel Vargas told Price there was a girl who seemed to be against Graves." Soap is quick to add, sending mischievous glances to both of them.

Sighing, Ghost pinched the bridge of his nose.

"A deserter. How honorable." Another gruff response as he scoffs.

In reality he didn't care about the shadow girl, he was given orders and he'd complied that's it. Or at least until Price sent him to the safe house they were keeping her in to look after her.

"I think any of us would've done the same Lt. given her position... at least I believe it takes courage to leave the side of those whom you once thought were family."

-

"Sit down." Ghost orders, and you oblige.

Slowly lowering your body despite your injuries, you don't dare to look him in the eye. Sight fixed on the wooden floor as if it held the answers to all of your questions. As if the reasons why everything that was wrong in your life would be found right there. You don't notice but he's keeping an eye on you, just in case you'd need help. "I lied." He comments, his voice is dead serious as he opens one of the kitchen's shelves handing you over a bottle of pills followed by a glass of water. "When I said I didn't know your name." He explains leaning against the countertop, strong hands rest on the surface of white marble, prominent veins adorned his massive hands, arms and for what you could make out with the long sleeved shirt he wore, he had tattoos.

"Let me guess. Kate." You utter, hands opening the bottle he gave you and swallowing down two pills.

"Gave us your file." You freeze. Going still as a statue as your eyes find his, Ghost seems taciturn. "Don't worry. She made sure personal stuff was blacked up." He states almost immediately, noticing the way your body went rigid.

Blinking rapidly you feel slightly relieved, there was no need for a bunch of strangers —reading— about your private life. That was your story to tell if you ever decided to even speak about it.

"What happened with the missiles?"

"They were taken care of."

A curt nod is all you give him. Silence falls again when he hands you the supper he had previously told you about. Grilled chicken with pasta.

"Graves?" The question is quiet, and swiftly asked. It feels wrong to ask such things considering what your former Captain had done. But after years of knowing him, to look up to him. To call him your friend... a man that knew about your past. It felt traitorous not to at least worry for his wellbeing, despite his wrongdoing.

"KIA."

Inhaling sharply one of your stitches pulls at the sudden movement. Wincing you bend over, one hand resting on the countertop to steady yourself. Ghost is quick. Too quick for someone his size.

He holds you, big hands resting on your shoulders in assistance, the warmth of his skin can be felt even over your shirt.

"Easy there." He warns although his voice is still gruff there's a softer tone to it than before. "Nurse's gone and I'm not nearly as good as her stitching people back, yeah?"

"I'm fine." holding back the tears becomes a challenge but you do it nonetheless. The loud thump of your heart echoes throughout your body, mind going dizzy as a tiny graze of his thumb caressing the flesh of your shoulders brings you back from wherever your mind had started to wander. "Thank you, Ghost."

He simply nods and then he lets go. Skin feeling colder at the loss of his touch.

"Eat. You need it to recover." He's back to his serious demeanor.

You do as he says. Surprisingly the food isn't bad, it's warm and has the right amount of condiments.

"Where are we?" You ask, eyes drifting back to his face. Ghost's brown orbs squint, thinking if he should tell you or not.

"Someplace safe."

Inevitably you scoff rolling your eyes.

"I'm not going to escape if that's what you're worried about. I don't have anywhere to go."

"Can't risk it. Laswell said you're clever."

"She just thinks so high of me. I'm not what she says I am, you know. Or else I wouldn't be here."

He shrugged. And you stare at each other for a long time. You almost want to know what's under that mask, what's he look like? Is he handsome? Ugly? Does he have scars? Big or small lips? All you can make out is how blond his eyelashes are. Like sand. Gold sand. Or the yellowish reflection of the moon at night. Or the color of the sunrise.

"Ghost?" You call him.

"Yeah?"

"If Kate hadn't told the 141 about me, would you have killed me?"

Unfazed by your question Ghost stares back at you, jaw clenching ever so slightly behind the mask.

"Most likely."

-

As the days pass by your body recovers. It's slow but you start to notice by the third week. The stitches gone by the start of the day. The bullet wound didn't hurt as much as before, it was a distant memory when you tried to breathe. Even then Ghost was still taking care of you. As much as a cold and distant man he was, he seemed to worry, at least enough to check on you regularly when he heard you grunt or whimper in pain.

Your friendship or whatever this was... seemed strange. He never, talked about him. He loathed small talk, he was blunt, straightforward and just so damn hard to read. Aside from his brown eyes that were two beautiful windows to his soul were so expressive and you found yourself learning to assess his mood by just looking at them. It was odd to say the least but you were always good at watching, observing...and so you did.

Ghost's eyes would crinkle when he was feeling at ease, which happened a lot during breakfast or whenever you ate together. Wide eyes meant he was worried, or taken aback; that one night when he saw you bending over to grab the shirt you had discarded from the floor. Half lidded eyes meant he was mad or at least something was bothering him.

Still you wished you could see him. See his face. Know what he was thinking; he never said anything not even regarding your future. The man was a tomb. Closed off and sealed.

Unreachable for you.

There was one particular night, nearing the fourth week when you had finally heard him chuckle or something akin to that. It was so low that you thought you had imagined it. The sound was so rare coming out of him so unlike the Ghost people used to murmur about during your time in the Shadow Company. And you smiled brightly upon hearing him, something that didn't go unnoticed by Ghost as he sat down across from you in the porch, where the wind swiftly moved your hair and made your skin erupt with goosebumps; having not brought a sweater he had stood up and went inside only to bring back one of his black hoodies. He offered it out to you grumbling something about not wanting you to catch a cold. Part of you suspected it was mainly because he didn't want to bother with you being sick and in reality you too didn't want to get sick, not in your condition.

But it was this night something had truly changed. Something had taken a turn in this weird situation and dynamics of the two of you. You had jolted awake, sweating and panting from a nightmare. The anxiety in your body was paralyzing, making you shudder, swallowing down the lump in your throat.

"You alright there, Vesper?" His voice is deep and raspy. Sitting against the rocking chair next to your bed. His form could hardly be seen in the darkness but soon your eyes grow accustomed to the lack of lighting. Wincing you come to a sitting position on the mattress.

"Why are you here?" You ask, taken aback. "Worried about me?" teasing him has become another part of your routine. Something he finds himself enjoying.

"Don't care what happens to you, sweetheart. But you were having a nightmare and wouldn't let me sleep." He bites back.

And you know he doesn't truly mean it. That's just who he is. A cold-hearted man, rough around the edges, but deep down there was a person. Maybe scared to let someone in, to let himself trust, feel. If he didn't care his eyes would be hard on you but as he levels you down with a soft stare you know he's lying.

"Then stay with me tonight. Maybe that way our nightmares won't come for us." Because you had heard him too. You had heard his tossing and turning in his room. Heard him pacing back and forth on the worse nights. "We're not so different you know?"

Ghost is deadly silent on his spot. Eyes raking you up and down as the pit on your stomach grows.

"You don't want me here." He states, and you don't notice the way his fist clench.

"How do you know what I want?"

"Just do." Ghost's tone goes cold as he stands up. You second him in an instant, hissing when the wound stretches once again. He darts forward, reprimanding you in the process for being so carelessly. "You'll never heal if you don't stop that." His hands are set around both of your arms, holding you still.

'Why are you always hurting yourself like that?' He angrily thinks, lips pulling into a thin line.

"I'm healing just fine, Lieutenant. Relax." Although you're fine he doesn't let go, noticing the warmth of his hands on your skin. Sucking in a sharp breath you come to the realization that he's not wearing the black gloves. His hands are massive swallowing your arms entirely. Hard callouses and scars can be felt on his exposed skin.

In the dead of the night, the two feel the air vibrate. Shifting as a wave of electricity runs through your veins with something unnamed, something neither are willing to mention nor acknowledge after weeks of spending hours together. Ghost pulls away leaving nothing but coldness where you once felt warmth.

"Be ready for tomorrow." He simply adds. His voice is stern as he turns to walk out.

"What happens tomorrow?" You can't help the hint of hope in your voice, clutching your hands to your chest.

But he leaves you without a word and closes the door behind him.

Part 3

[acourtofthought]

Genuine question, but why do you want Elucien together if they aren’t in love? They aren’t currently attracted to each other right now. They can’t even be in the same room.

Is it just the potential? Or promise of the mating bond or something?

Because I shipped Elucien too when they were declared mates. But by ACOFAS, I didn’t understand why suddenly SJM decided to have them not even interact. If they ever have a conversation I might jump back over to elucien, but so far-there’s nothing between them.

And we know there can be mates that aren’t good romantic pairings. Like Rhys’s parents. All signs are currently pointing to the fact that Elucien is also one of the incompatible pairs.

Idk I just don’t understand why I should keep rooting for them if there hasn’t been any development on the page? Am I missing something??

Genuine question: Why would I want to read a love story that starts with the couple already being in love? Were Claire and Jamie from Outlander in love at the start or was she in love with and married to another man? Where she married Jamie and STILL wasn't in love with him? Were Daphne and Simon in love at the start of Bridgerton? Was he not FORCED to marry her even when he didn't want to ever marry or have children? Were Elizabeth and Darcy infatuated with one another at the start of their book? You have no canon evidence that Elain isn't attracted to Lucien. The only canon evidence we have of anything is that Elain didn't want a male or a mate. Just like Nesta didn't want a mate in her book. But guess what? Those things change. Those are just hurdles for a character to overcome. By the end of her book Nesta proudly called Cassian her mate but she got into a fight with him over it at first. Yes Elain "shrinks back" from Lucien but why are you defaulting to one possible answer "she's not attracted to him"? When you look at SJMs style of writing, isn't it more likely that Elain withdraws from Lucien because he sees her too clearly and that scares her? When Feyre tells us that Elain has even Az beat for secret keeping, isn't it possible that Lucien is the one person who can see through the secrets Elain hides and it's intimidating? Because he might see that she's not as fine and content as she'd have the others believe? Something she wants them to keep believing as she's possibly worried about disappointing them? (Rhys's words). You're right, there are couples who might not be right for one another, evidenced by the example you provided with Rhys's parents. Rhys's father was cold and vicious. Does that sound like Lucien? Rhys's father immediately stole Rhys's mother away the second the bond snapped and married her that night. Does that sound like what Lucien did with Elain? Rhys's mother pleaded with his father to ban wing clipping but he refused. Has Elain asked anything of Lucien that he was unwilling to give her? I like Elucien because neither has to be anyone different if they end up together. Elain doesn't have to struggle with cruelty bothering her as she would if she ended up with a torturer. She doesn't have to hide in the shadows as she would if she ended up with Az. She would get to enjoy balls and party and socializing in a way she wouldn't if her partner was Az who prefers his alone time. She'd get to share her love of nature with someone who the author also confirms is happiest in nature. I like the thought of Elucien because it's so clearly written on the wall that they are right for one another though it's normal that Elain isn't ready to face that yet as she's still processing trauma and figuring out who she is as a fae female. Or maybe she does realize it and it's what scares her, she already suffered rejection and a broken heart from Graysen, I don't imagine she's prepared to run into someone else's arms who has the power to hurt her. My guess is SJM hasn't had them interact because the second Elain and Lucien have a real conversation, it's over for both of them. Their hearts will be gone, flying into the palms of the other. It's more exciting to read about all that in their own POVs rather than someone else's. You don't have to root for anyone you don't like. Hell, Elucien could be endgame and you still don't need to root for them. But I grow a little tired of people acting clueless as to why Elucien's still love the idea of them together and why it's really not a problem that they aren't talking right now.

[janichroma]

🎉Q/A Answers!🎉🎉

There's a lot to parse here! Warning that there are some spoilers of current content in here! So please tread carefully!

Q1.) I'm very curious about Death Wings. Do all of them exist in a similar state to Robo-Ren, where their true bodies are asleep and they pilot a mechanical suit, or is there something that differentiates them?

Ren is an exception. He's the only one who pilots a separate body. The others are in their own!

Q2.) Which Rejuv characters would be most likely to start a podcast together?

Adam and Valarie probably have a lot of deep 3 am conversations so with a little help from Saki, those two would def make a podcast. Other highlights are Saki+Erick and maybe Texen by himself because he just talks about how women are objects or something i dunno.

Q3.) Are you absolutely sure this is a good idea? Are you being held hostage?

I deadass thought i was gonna get 10-20 questions at most..... So yeah its a good idea.

Q4.) So, half servants. They’ve been so confusing to me. Until 13.5 I was just under the assumption servants were just infertile lol. So, do half servants like…. Inherit any powers or anything from their servant parent? Like, the ability to teleport and things like that.

Servants cannot reproduce when they're first created/in their generic form, but when they transform into their own person they gain a soul and they are then able to reproduce because they're just like any other person. It's just that their origins are different. Servants can still use their magic, but their children cannot. Although, I bet their children -do- inherit some traits from their Servant parent. Probably like just having above average strength/speed etc. That's not universal, though.

Q5.) How come Tesla doesn't let Amber bring us to the villa after the gym battle now?

Well... When two people love each other very much...

Q6.) Do the executives of Team Xen and most importantly Ren have the green gem somewhere on their body that marks them as members of Team Xen?

I wonder...

Q7.) I know in the past, you said that you haven't seen any correct guesses as to the identity of Madame X. Has that changed since the release of 13.5?

Pretty close, but no cigar.

Q8.) would crescent like yuri/gl

I banish you to the hungry worm dimension.

Q9.) i know that some characters, namely tesla (and maybe jolene?) call themselves "honorary" members of the elite 8. is there any specific reason for that? also can roboren run doom this is important.

There's no specific reason other than it soundin' fancy. Roboren can run tetris so maybe!

Q10.) What are the perks/ benefits of joining Team Xen? ( asking for a friend )

Amazing health care, and amazing investments in your 401k.

Q11.) I wanted to ask, which character has, for you, the most chance to surprise us in future updates? Be it badly or greatly.

i can't answer this because it gives too much implicit information!!! Sorry!!

Q12.) what pokemon teams (or just ace pokemon) would characters you don’t ever battle have? for example, volta, eizen, martin, rune, eden, etc? will we ever fight any of them?

I don't want to answer this either because we will probably have an opportunity to fight -most- of these people here, but for Rune it's already established to be Rapidash (Ace), and Eden would probably have a Blissey somewhere.

Q13.) How close of friends are Amber and Crawli? I wanted to ask since they're both Gym Leaders of Terajuma and around the same age, especially when Tesla and Amber moved to Telia after the incident.

They're not too close. They know of each other, and have spoken, but it's mostly a "friendly landlord" kind of relationship. They only talk when it's necessary... Not that Crawli is a landlord, or has any bearing on Teila.

Q14.) Hihi, what are somethings that have changed from version v12 (and also v13) that you really like/are proud of? And are there things you miss from previous versions, but you had to get rid of for any reasons? (I'm personally absolutely in love with the redone Terajuma stuff and especially Crawli, and also the redone Ryland scenes but that's because I'm biased.)

Terajuma 100%. I LOVE Terajuma now. I used to really despise it, evidently. But I think it's so fun and has a lot of nice moments. Valor Mountain still sucks, though. I have a huge urge to simplify that place, but then i'd have to redo a certain scene later and i dont wanna bc it's already perfect. Suffering from success... As for things I miss from previous versions... I can't think of any right now because I love where we're at rn so I guess I don't miss anything? There are certain scenes like Melia with her long hair flowing, but outside of small instances like that, nah!

Q15.) If in the nightmare school "Jean" was able to manifest flora's explosives from the dreams of GDC's citizens... Where could he have manifested A Gun from??

Probably the police station, tbh.

Q16.) What's your personal favorite part of the game thus far?

Honestly Chapter 2 -> to the end of Terajuma is so much fun to me. Not that the other chapters aren't, but that part is comfy. I also love Renegade Route chapter 0.

Q17.) Now if I'm remembering correctly, you mentioned that Venam was supposed to be just a side character at first. What made you decide to change her role into such a major one? Also how did the Melia/Venam come about?

Yeah so, Beth was actually in Venam's spot if you can believe that. Yes, the same one that sells Moo-Moo Milk. We already had a prominent blonde character and Beth wasn't boring or anything, she just didn't add a fun dynamic with Melia. Although back then the formula was more rebornified. Meaning characters rarely traveled together and they kind of just showed up when they needed to. Now characters are constantly always traveling with you and stuff. Not that the old format is bad, it's just a different take. I brought Venam back because she's Melia's best friend and it felt real weird that she was not involved -at all- compared to her and Ren. Their relationship came about because.. Well, I kinda just knew. Venam was always a lesbian in my head, and Melia is def the character that would love anyone if they gave her the chance to love them. It just felt right?

Q18.) 1) When was Eizen conceptualized? 2) What is one funny story about developing v13.5 that you can share? 3) Were there any pieces of media you took inspiration from while writing Renegade(mainly Central Tower)? 4) Do you have any plans of making more games after Rejuv?

Yall are cheating with the multiple parts!! Anyway, Eizen was conceptualized sometime in v13's development, but he... she.. they... were just a concept at the point. (stick a pin in that) 2.) A funny story? Hm... I honestly can't remember anything rn. Probably just some bug that caused us pain and it was super simple to fix. 3.) To be honest, I didn't take any real inspiration for Renegade. I actually went into doing that route without knowing exactly what I wanted from it. But the pieces sorta fell into place and im in love with it lol. M2 was always going to be a character in the game, it's just that she was never named M2 and was more tragic than unhinged. M2's personality was altered slightly because I wanted Renegade to have SOME sort of a balance, and a partner in crime (sorta) felt appropo. 4.) Yes, I have original games in the works AND plans for at LEAST 1 more fangame after this. I'd like to start from scratch with all the knowledge I have now. Though, it wouldnt be nowhere near as long as Rejuv. I'm talking like 4-5 releases. lol.

Q19.) Wanted to ask how renegade!MC perceives Clear/Kieran, the 3 choices we have to respond to Clear asking us to go see Clear all seemed cold towards her. I guess they aren't a potential new friend group?

They are a means to an end. The MC is not close with Clear or Kieran at all. They barely even talk outside of the instances we've already seen. Maybe that'll change?

Q20.) This has been a matter of contention between some friends of mine and I. How old is Odessa? I'd assumed she was below 18 as she's not taken the throne so she might not be an adult and her dad's in charge until that happens, but they think she's an adult. For something less serious, who in Rejuv's most likely to start a ponzi scheme, and who's most likely to buy in.

Odessa is likely to be around 25-ish. She's a legal adult, and is in line to be Queen of Kristiline, but their family line already holds so little influence and power that Aquis just makes her a figurehead and manages things on his own. Kind of a Cinderella of situation? More similar but not 1:1. To be honest? I figure Aquis hopes Kailani to return one day and assume her duties because he likes her more (Even if he abused her the same way he did Odessa.) As for the ponzi scheme... I feel like Thomas Jr would make one and Texen would fall for it.

Q21.) Who is the hardest character to write consistently?

Honestly? Melia. She's given me the most trouble despite her being so prominent. Im good at it now I think, but before I never knew how to write her because anything I did came with criticism lol, and still does, but now I don't really give a shit. Amber's a close second.

Q22.) When Crescent fell down the cliff, did she get the interceptor contract then was asked to become a storm chaser? The events seemed to have happened close to each other. Curious since the hags serve Variya, so only 1 of the 2 parties could've asked her both, but that wasn't the case.

Yes it was shortly after she fell. To be clear, the sparkle the protags saw was the sparkling of water from the moonlight above. So they knew it was "safe" to push Crescent. She could have died but she had a chance to survive a situation where the alternative meant certain death.

Q23.) Will the Elite 8 even be able to be battled on Renegade? I imagine Karrina would replace Karen if Karen dies on Paragon, and Karrina doesn’t get pushed, but she eats the Deletos on Renegade if you don’t push her in Castle Zygara, and it made me wonder.

The members of the Elite 8 may be battleable, but not in an official league format. That's all I'll say on that.

Q24.) I'm still really curious about emma, things that come up in my mind a lot is the part where she looks to be used by variya to speak to melia during the part where amanda knocks her out, and during pearl route when we see the note signed by someone with the same name- emma. because of this, I've been pretty curious about this disguise thing the space hags gave melia. did they- or variya gave them orders to- pull the appearance from the deceased emma? does this mean ... they're the same person?

The name part is merely a coincidence and acts as foreshadowing. Melia reads the note and is like "Emma...?" and wonders if she would share the same fate as the ones written on the notes, and then lo and behold she has the same condition.

Q25.) This question is regarding Renegade route: Do the 6 years that M2 and our chosen host were lost in that alternate world match up with a version release that is outdated, or is an in-universe timer that we shouldn't overthink that much?

Honestly, that wasnt the reason for 6 years but now I wish it was that's rad as hell. But no the 6 years isn't even 6 years. It's an unspecified amount of time that passes that she perceives as 6. They both couldve been down there for a million years and they wouldnt know. The area they're in is similar to the chasm where it wears down your mind after long exposure. Maybe that's how Melia could take such a bad turn in life. The protags are always optimistic to escape though so they are able to hold onto their mind.

Q26.) #1 spector fan here asking questions about him since he probably won't get much spotlight outside of one quest... what was his life like before taking on the reserve leader role (other than what we already know, like where he lived,) and what are his interests outside of the paranormal, if any? thanks for the opportunity! love this game a lot :^)

Spector is a history buff and loves to do Goth Gf things like take strolls in graveyards at 3 am 🥰🥰. Probably spent most of his time in the District of Hope. He also likes exploring ruins and abandoned buildings. Not limited to Aevium tbh.

Q27.) I know Eizen seems to be a strictly side quest character, but have K/C or the hags ever tried contacting him for recruitment? His research seems too valuable to go unused for them.

Eizen has absolutely no interest in either of those groups. If they even tried to do anything he'd noclip out of the room and fall out of bounds and then die half life 1 style.

Q28.) :3c what are some characters that are trans if i may ask?

Ryland - FTM Party Girl - MTF Alain - NB Aero - NB V - Genderfluid Eden - Genderfluid

Q29.) would angie still possess alice in renegade? :0 super curious about it hihihi

Whatever happened passively in Paragon (Meaning Cera being abandoned, Alice getting possessed), STILL HAPPENS IN RENEGADE, we just don't see it because the trail of events that led to us seeing them in Paragon do not happen. So... in Renegade, that means Alice is still...

Q30.) How did the aftermath scene from defeating the hags on renegade come to be? I'm very curious

i assume you mean the Tera Raid parody? Well, it came up on my playlist on the train and I was feeling chaotic. what if in rejuv but deadly ?

Q31.) who's the shortest character (excluding the younger kids >>)

Probably either Cera, tbh. She's a short lil one. I don't have canon heights for characters outside like an estimation. But in my head Cera tiny.

Q32.) Hello! I would like to ask, Did the interceptor, before the SS Oceana be attacked, have fake memories of a life alongside Nancy? Since Crescent wanted the MC to have a normal life, I always wondered If she created new memories to make this easier And if I can ask another question. What is/was the criteria to someone see the MC appearance correctly? Huey and Lavender saw two different ones, while Aelita saw the correct one(in my case she saw Alain when asked)

Crescent did not create memories for the player. They just started acting weirdly and stopped talking to her. They then started to behave the same way you, the player, does. Believing that what is happening is real and has always been real (Because this is all the information you have right now), so Crescent takes this opportunity to try and let go by giving you a better (but fake!) life. It's why she sorta distances herself a bit (but not too much) so that you could integrate yourself into that delusion. We love being neuro <3.

The criteria is pretty ambiguous intentionally, but for me it has to do with personality and connection. Aelita always sees who you truly are because shes so close with the player + she has envoy shenanigans going on. If you would get along with Alain the most, the player would show themselves as alain etc.

Q33.) Any disclosable reasons why the rift dex now only has 2 remaining entries instead of 3 like in v13?

It's probably just a discrepancy that happened due to shifting over code bases. The number of slots left is not indicative of anything.

Q34.) hello jan!! hope you’re doing well :D is there any more information or random various facts about the androids (clear/kieran/eden) that can be said that ISN’T spoilers? it’s ok if not! i’ve just been curious about them all lately, especially in regards to how eden’s powers with emotional manipulation work.

Nothing too interesting about Clear or Kieran that isn't spoilers and isnt known already, but as for Eden... Eden was eccentric and had a personality thats real close to prince peasley from superstar saga LOL. I feel like Eden would have a catch phrase like "Mon Cherie", and flip their iridiscent hair in mockery. Eden's manipulation was very devastating. You would feel an immeasurable amount of joy when inflicted that you would give over any information because youre... happy to! But it was also very deadly. If exposed to it for too long you become way too happy to the point where you lose the ability to function normally. You'd fall into a happy-apathetic state and collapse and just lay where you fell until you starved or died in some other way. Because you're happy to! Everything in moderation, guys.

Q35.) Hi jan!!! quick question — why do you hate me why did the renegade route do that /real/ question though…. My buddy found some like… older stuff about Eizen in v13’s files. Something about a girl named Ærika?? (Idk if thats even connected but whatever) How did Eizen come to be? What was the process?

Hi remember the pin I stuck earlier? Ok we're unpinning that now. So, Eizen was originally a woman (So happy for his transition), And her name was Ærika. But we already had so many girls in the game and I wanted to create more male characters so then Eizen was born. I'm glad for it too because Eizen is way more interesting than Ærika. Eizen/Ærika came to be when [redacted]. I can't explain his origins quite yet, sorry! But one day you Will Realize.

Q36.) Hi Jan, thanks for the amazing game! In Alamissa, before we get yeeted into the past by Kieran, when Ren gives us sylveon and, um, Nancy’s remains, he mentions that he has stayed (even after breaking off with crescent) with xen for an important reason… but won’t specify. Later, he says the reason is because he wants to help nastasia. But the alamissa convo happened before ren met Anastasia (baby version). Did ren want to help nastasia before he met her past version and learned that she was…

Ren didn't know who she was at that point, but Ren has seen Nastasia in vulnerable points (that we havent seen... yet?). She has discussed with him that shes looking for someone prior to Alamissa, but she was very vague about it, and still is, but she's opened up a lot to Ren over time.

Q37.) This is probably a weirder question but will all of the main leaders, even the ones we battle outside of their gym duties have custom moves? If not, would it be safe to assume the main leaders use the moves of their reserves?

All leaders have custom moves. Reserves use the move the main leader does! They have TM's for these, but they aren't allowed to give them out to winners. At least, at the moment!

Q38.) what was your favorite part of 13.5's development?

Making Renegade Route lmfao. It was so much funnnnnnn. I cant wait for the rest.

Q39.) what’s the EoN experience like for someone going through it? If that’s too spoilery, what was the most surprising part of people’s reactions to .karma content?

You're getting scrubbed. It looks painful, but it's painless... and seamless! You literally cannot process what is going on. As for most surprising, I was surprised people loved M2 so much. I mean, I had a feeling people would like her, but she really took off and that makes me happy bc shes so fun to write.

Q40.) Hi Jan! My question is this: Will Melia and Venam get back together somewhat in the future? Or will they just stay friends? (Paragon route)

Who knows...

----------------------------------------------------------------

An extra question im throwing in here because ive seen a lot of talk around this character.

Q1X.) What inspired M2? M2 was conceptualized to be more of a tragic character, but I felt like Renegade needed some balancing out mood wise, or else it was too much of a drag. M2 was inspired by an insecurity of mine, actually, or I guess less so an insecurity and more of a question a lot of us ask ourselves. What if? What if I did this differently? What if I was born elsewhere? How different would I be? When Covid first started running about and I thought the fate of our lives was about to be cut short potentially, I started thinking about how I lived my life and how much I missed out on certain things. M2 is that. She gets a second chance at life and decides she wants to be everything but Melia because she's already lived that life and it turned out poorly. Hence the name M2. The second version of herself.

A song that inspired me is Immaterial by Sophie (Rest in peace)

2:03 is important

Now that I have a second chance at life, "I'll be anyone, anything, any shape." I mentioned before that your archetype powers manifests as your deep inner desire, and since M2 wants to be everything she couldn't be, it turns into her creating alternative selves through clones made of light. Another point of inspiration for her forms is actually Barbie of all things. Not the movie, although the movie takes advantage of the same principle, that Barbie can be anything. A doctor, a lawyer, life guard, a government official etc. M2 is everything always and forever, and she's also nothing at all. Which one is the real M2?

[floareadeaur]

Hello!I really love your analyses (I am trying to read them all)and having personally returned to the fandom after 4 years it feels like I discovered a hidden gem.

Since my favourite characters are all vampires and since Ferid is also one I would like to ask you what do you think the ending of the vampire race will be like?I mean with the way the story is going it seems that in the end all the vampires are sadly going to die either from the resurrection or with Saito finding a way for them to die as he promised.I would like it if they somehow get turned back into humans and somehow live a peaceful life but it seems highly unlikely 😔.I love Kagami for creating such a complex and deep story but since Horn and Chess appeared there is a high chance that Lacus and Rene will also and seeing my boy Lacus finally appear after 6 years ( his last appearance in the manga was in 2018 if I am not mistaken) to just die hurts 😭.

(I know this is a pretty complex ask and you are not obligated to answer it if it's too much also I don't know if you have answered this already so if you did I am sorry)

Hello!

Please, do not worry about the complexity of the question.

It is true, this ask is one that requires more thought, but it is a pertinent one that deserves attention.

"Hidden gem", this is perhaps the nicest compliment I received here. Thank you so much!

I am really glad that my analysis is helpful and enlightening to this fascinating story. I will try to attach all my analysis in the masterlist to make it easier to read. (I kind of lost track of them and the analysis masterlist does not have them all. Sorry for that. )

Now about your question.

The answer is a complex one, and I really do not think I can offer anything with certainty.

Thus, I will rather discuss the existing possibilities and any assumptions I have.

In the end, we will see what happens in the manga further. What is certain is that I am sure that the ending will be extraordinary and full of meaning, commensurate with this special story, and I support the author whatever he chooses next.

Now I will present my ideas.

In the OnS world, there is a lot of emphasis on the concept of "soul". How the whole universe is created as a "prison" for this soul.

Infinite reincarnation, without the possibility of an end or a meaningful destination for the soul. This is how human life works here, in a continuous vicious circle.

To me, vampirism is simply another form of reincarnation. The same impossibility of freeing the soul, the same immortal "life", the same lack of meaning for the soul, only now in one body and at the cost of altering the memories and personality of the human souls trapped in this form of curse.

Moreover, vampire souls, as I said, do not have the possibility to die. They can only pass into another "form", as demons. So it is about human persons cursed with vampirism, which in the end can only become demons. Still a "circle" type trajectory, without escape.

That is why, I think, that just as humanity needs a new "restart", a release from infinite reincarnations (which maybe the resurrection will do), the souls of vampires need a form of release, of rest.

How will this happen?

Honestly, I do not know. Vampire souls are human, that much is clear. No matter what form they exist in: mortal human body, immortal vampiric body, demonic entity, it is all about human souls in different forms.

And right now there is no Heaven for these human souls, under any form, you know?

From here we can draw the conclusion, that maybe if Sika's suffering will find a solution, and if Guren will succeed in the resurrection, the laws of the OnS world will change and the possibility of a Heaven for all these souls will appear?

But the answer is, frankly, a complicated one. Because it is not just one way, I think.

For example, the vampires transformed by Sika Madu are basically the reincarnations of his angels. And Sika Madu wants to go back to Heaven with them, from whence they fell. So maybe these vampires will return to this Heaven in the end? As angels again, or as human souls?

But there are many other vampires who are not reincarnations of those angels, like Ferid, Crowley, Basteya, Lacus, René, Chess, Horn and the rest of the vampire race. These were just people. So what will be their ending?

And there is also something else. We are talking about the resurrection, which involved the death of every vampire, either for the resurrection of humanity or Mikaela.

But from what we have seen recently, these vampires are not much in the form of "vampires" anymore. Hundreds of them have been ingested by Ferid and their souls are in a state of metamorphosis to the demon form in Ferid's inner dimension.

Here comes a guess of mine.

Mahiru Hiiragi, before becoming a demon, said something, "Next time I am reborn I want to be an ordinary girl."

I think these words of hers should be taken more seriously, considering that since the age of 11 she has had visions and nightmares including about the Apocalypse. Perhaps she knew that there was a possibility that human souls who had reached the demon state would be reborn as humans someday. Perhaps this is a consequence of the resurrection Guren is currently working on.

Mostly, I do not think Ferid is working against Guren's plan by his current actions. Given that Guren's plan directly fights against Sika Madu's purpose, and that Ferid is involved in this plan willingly, I strongly believe that the "resurrection of mankind" means the restoration of the laws of this universe as well. That is, including what Ferid wants since he was 16, "breaking that circle", of meaningless reincarnation, changing the broken laws of the world.

Especially, Ferid did not say that he does not want anyone to ever be born again, but that he wants no one to ever be reborn in that " putrid " world. In that world of broken laws, which holds souls meaninglessly captive in infinite reincarnations.

Birth and rebirth are two different things. Or resurrection versus rebirth.

Rebirth drags the soul into a new life even if that soul has already lived a life. Rebirth leaves no room for rest.

Resurrection restores a life ruined by something, repairs it and perhaps gives it another meaning.

And if new laws are established for the universe, if the problem of infinite reincarnation in this hellish world is solved and Heaven is opened for human souls, maybe one good life will be given to resurrected human souls?

A life with meaning, at the end of which the soul has a Heaven where it can go.

And perhaps, the souls of vampires ingested by Ferid and turned into demons, as Mahiru Hiiragi implied, can "reincarnate" again as humans, now in a world that offers only one good and meaningful life for each soul, followed of the possibility of entering Heaven.

Thus, in this version, Ferid can be considered to represent the "gateway" through which vampire souls can get a chance to later regain their humanity.

And in the end, maybe the only vampire to die will be Ferid.

I think all vampires except him have had someone who loved them. Look at Horn and Chess, who are good friends in my view, or Lacus and René. Or Crowley with his comrades, with the friends he must have had in his previous life as Ferid's older brother.

All of them had love in their lives, people who loved them. And maybe that is why they need a new good life with these beloved people.

And Ferid, truly unloved by anyone, is the "sacrificial lamb", no matter how surprising it seems.

Basically, his greatest frustration is the rotten way his world works, its meaningless laws, the creation out of darkness by a corrupt God. And perhaps his happy ending is to die, leaving behind through his actions a world of meaning, a world born of love, something he always longed for but could not have.

There is a lot to say in this hypothesis, but what I am pointing out is that I am sure that Ferid will have a direct confrontation with Sika Madu, and more than anything, a discussion with this god of his, in which he will again demand the reason why everything is like that.

If you remember chapter 76 where Ferid asked Sika why the world is like this.

I think Sika might be willing to give Ferid an answer in the end.

In a way, you know, it may sound strange, but I feel a great similarity between Ferid and Sika Madu. Such a similarity that it seems for me that Ferid is a reflection of the curse placed on Sika Madu.

I would go into a lot of detail, but I risk making this essay too long.

The idea is that Ferid longs for a world with meaning, that good God, harmony and the possibility of a Heaven, the breaking of the cursed circle on earth. Just as Sika longed to reach Heaven again, where his Father (the other God) was, and just as he was cursed to live endlessly on that earth exactly like a Hell.

Even chapter 134, the fact that Ferid's memories where we find out how he feels about reincarnation follows the panel when Shinoa tells Sika that she will see all his memories. Beyond the sudden shift in perspective specific to the series. Perhaps this is also a clue related to what I say about the similarity between Ferid and Sika, about the sufferings of both.

If anyone is interested, I can elaborate more on this theory about Ferid and Sika.

Now, in conclusion, I am sure that no matter how everything ends, the vampire species will no longer exist. They are a cursed creation born of the suffering, frustrations and curse of Sika Madu. This is how the first vampire was "born", from his negative emotions generated by the received curse. So automatically this curse has to be resolved somehow.

And with the vampire species gone, surely their souls will find peace one way or another. I think a balance will be reached in the end.

I also have an idea for how Ferid could achieve this balance. I can elaborate on this in another post if anyone is interested.

After all, it remains to be seen how the author ends this fascinatingly profound story. I have full faith in Kagami and I am sure that the end of the story will teach us valuable things.

That is all for now. I feel like I wrote chaotically again. Please come back with questions about anything you feel. This topic is one that needs to be discussed a lot.

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to look into it a bit. I had never answered this question before.

Thank you very much for the trust in my interpretation! I hope this answer was at least a little helpful!

My inbox is always open for such discussions. And remember that kind feedback is welcome!

I wish you and whoever finds this post a good day!

[eijirousbestie]

“I’m done talkin”

inspired by the song below (i recommend listening while reading

pure angst sry not sry

unresolved anger issues

no happy ending

“Are you sure you don’t wanna talk about it at least?”

“There’s nothin’ to talk about.”

“With what happened out there just now? There is definitely something to talk about.”

A long silence fills the air. It’s hard and steely, unwilling to waiver or break. It felt like all the progress you two had made was ripped away in less than a second.

“I don’t wanna push but I need us to be on the same page here yeah? It’s harder to figure this out when it’s just—never mind.”

“‘When it’s just’ what?” When it’s just me trying is what you wanted to say but decided better against it. His eyes settle on you, the gaze pointed, almost accusatory. You don’t want to antagonize him and potentially make the situation worse because of your poor word choice. But it’s hard. Hard to walk on eggshells around someone just to stay in good graces.

“It’s nothing. I misspoke.”

“Here we go with that shit.”

What does he mean?

“What do you mean?” A beat passes and he’s speaking again, although reluctantly.

“Would you drop the psychiatrist bullshit? Actin’ like you know every fuckin’ thing when you don’t know shit about me.”

Where is this coming from? You try not to get emotional. It’ll only get in the way of finding a fix to… whatever this is.

“Katsuki, if you felt that I was overstepping I’m sorry. But I’m just trying to better understand what’s got you lashing out like this.”

“Don’t talk down to me like I’m a fuckin’ kid. Just say what you wanna say straight up. We both know you don’t talk like that.” His jaw is clenched hard, the muscles on the sides of his face flexing and constricting every few moments.

He’s entirely pissed off right now. But it’s almost an unadulterated rage you hadn’t seen on him since he was fifteen. All these years he’d done better, been better. He’d calmed down and grown to let out his frustrations on a punching bag instead of an actual person. You’d been there by his side along the way, but he’d mainly made the change himself. He pushed himself to be better, to be less angry at the world and all that resided it.

But today is different. And you’re not sure why.

“Can you at least tell me what’s got you pissed?” You’re not really sure what to say. It’s like walking on a mine field. One wrong step and it’s all over.

A short, exasperated chuckle leaves the lips of the man in front of you. Seated on the edge of his bed, forearms propped up on his thighs with his head hanging low, messy tufts of blonde shaking slightly as his body trembles with his laughter. It’s mocking.

“You.” His eyes flicked up to yours, the ghost of a sarcastic smile still gracing his face, like he couldn’t believe you’d asked him such a dumb question with such an obvious answer.

Your heart sinks. “Me?”

“Did I stutter?” His tone switches. No longer mocking, but now all too serious. Like he’s physically biting his tongue to not tear down your entire character.

“Why am I—why do you have an issue with me?”

His eyes narrow, embers flickering behind his lashes. His hands ball up together in front of him in a tight grasp. Like he’s trying to keep himself together.

“Cuz—you piss me off. You agitate me.”

“Katsuki I—”

“Don’t talk over me.” Silence.

“You do that thing where you try to ‘get down on my level’ like I’m somethin’ that needs to be studied. You talk like you know everything I don’t already know about myself. Shit’s infuriating. You always gotta make me talk after I get upset about anythin’. Every. Fucking. Time.”

His jaw is set and he shakes his head in disbelief.

“And I’m sick of that shit. What if I don’t wanna talk about how I feel after every situation huh? It comes easy to you. You’re good at that shit. Expressin’ your emotions. M’not. I just—close up.”

It hurts your heart to hear how he’s been struggling this entire time. On the outside it’d seemed like he was opening up and getting in touch with his emotions. But maybe, that’s only what he wanted you to see. Or maybe, you were looking through rose tinted glasses throughout the last four years. Your eyes fall to the floor under your feet, trying to find the right words to say. But nothing. How can words do justice to how much guilt you feel for overlooking what he was really harboring all by himself? It hurts.

“Katsuki… I didn’t know…” It’s as if no explanation was good enough.

“Save the dramatics for somebody that gives a shit. I’m over it.”

“No, there’s no way you could be—”

“I said I’m over it. I’m deading the shit. I’m not dealin’ with it no more. I’m done talkin’.”

The feeling that sits heavy in your stomach is uncomfortable. It’s unnerving. Never once has an issue with one another not been resolved, but he doesn’t even want to try. You can’t help but to respect his choice and give him his space.

But something tells you that you might not be able to come back from this. You nod and let out an okay in response, your voice barely above a whisper. You walk to his door, placing your hand on the doorknob and freeze.

“I know it’s a fucked place to be in right now but I’m always gonna be here for you. I’m not walking out on you Kats.” More silence fills the room. Nothing comes from him. Not even a grunt or a nod. You twist the knob and leave his room with a heavy heart and a heavy mind.

[ixiot-ghostrebel]

I just thought of something funny. What about a reader that can manipulated space-time but only uses it to travel. Like he goes: I’m going to get some groceries. Then travels to Belobog despite being at Herta’s space station. I could just imagine the shock!

I would request the characters: Tingyun, Asta, Herta, and of course Natasha!

@oxyotl Coming right up! Thank you so much for requesting! :D I hope you don't mind but I'm going to assume that Reader and the HSR character already know each other for the sake of convience.

Space-Time Traveler!Reader & Their Basic Need Warping with Tingyun, Asta, Herta, and Natasha!

(Warning: May be OOC!)

Tingyun

She finds it a little adorable, actually! You could literally go to the store on the Xianzhou Luofu, or even ask her since she runs good business (therefore she can find you good deals), but you seem to have your own little method of doing things and she loves it!

She is pretty curious about your abilities, and she highly respects your decision of not using it for anything but your basic needs—whether buying merchandise may be on that list or not. Heck, before you even go on this journey—sometimes Tingyun herself asks you to get something for her.

"My lovely benefactor~ Do you mind if you can get me something to help comb through my tail?~" If you have anything that is against your wishes of what you want to do, be sure to tell her! She wants you to be comfortable around her~

Asta

Finds your powers absolutely fascinating! How are you able to cross the stars and space? And time in general? Could that mean you could catch up with stuff that could light years away? So many questions!

She is very shocked to hear that you only use your powers when you need food, clothes, maybe a snack you wanted to retry, etc. Not that she's against it—she's just completely cut off guard.

But that just makes her more curious about you! Why do you only use your powers for basic necessities? Was there a restriction you constantly face while using your powers? Of course—she'll immediately apologize if any of these questions mean offence to you, but her curiosity sometimes gets the best of her.

"What's it like travelling through the stars as you stop time? Do they still glow, or do all celestial objects in the night just stop their reactivity? Ack!—Sorry, am I crossing any boundaries?"

Asta may ask you to recommend a few things to buy, since you travel to many different worlds that vary in goods. She'll personally buy something you recommend with her own money—online, of course.

If she can't find anything that you recommend, she'll ask you to buy it for her. And don't try to be generous and gift to her—you must use her money. There is no other option.

Please, side with Arlan and make sure Asta doesn't spend her money too much on shops—

Herta

Must I say a lot? You caught the attention of this Genius Society Member, that's for sure. Her puppets are constantly going online just simply because she wants to see you in action!

She's utterly shocked and dumbfounded when she comes to realize you use your powers for such useless things! How was getting a carton of eggs so important you had to use your powers to travel and get them? With your inter-universal powers?

You truly know how to falter and short-circuit this one with your simple tasks. Herta just doesn't get it—but that doesn't mean she's against it. Sometimes, she even asks you to get things for her—though that won't stop her from asking you questions regarding your powers and she is NOT afraid to ask them, lemme tell you.

"Is there a significant difference between the dimensions of time, or does it all just feel the same to you? How do you preserve your....basic necessities through this jump through the universe?" Very scientific and big questions that really has to get your brain thinking before you answer them. Good luck.

Natasha

She's pretty calm about it, honestly. Sure, she's surprised when you do it for the first time, and she wonder why you only get basic things, but nevertheless, she doesn't judge you. You are you, after all.

Since she's an Underworld Doctor, and supplies are hard to come by, she frequently has to ask you for stuff. She does feel a tad bit guilty for constantly sending you on her errands, so be sure to reassure her!

She appreciates you a lot, since (probably) half of your runs are getting supplies for her and the patients she takes care of. Natasha, in return, makes sure that you are in peak health as possible.

"Y/N, did you have breakfast? You're not going to travel with an empty stomach, are you?" Loves taking care of you and loves how you're helpful.

She also finds your travelling habits a little silly and adorable—you, who has such powerful abilities that can make even Luka Strongarm look like a joke in the Fight Club, only using your powers for the sake of basic needs.

Safe to say, she welcomes you whole with open arms!

Ghost Rebel Side Notes: DONE! Woo, this took longer than expected—apologies for that! But I hope you guys enjoyed these headcanons :D

✦ Check out The Ghost Rebel’s Blog Description & Info Page to See if Their Mailbox is Open! ✦

[izicodes]

Sunday 21st January 2024

>> I made a post yesterday of me mini-ranting about how I don't have any proper career goals because the ones I made years ago I've achieved now, so I'm questioning myself "What now? 🙃".

Then I remembered I have a recruiter mate and I emailed him asking for help and he gave me a long list of what I could do now to get better from my position. And I like sharing help so here's what he said + my own notes of what I understood from them~!

Hope this helps you too~!

🩶 Assess Current Skills and Set Goals

Identify your strengths and weaknesses.

Set clear goals for technical and leadership skill development.

My notes: I am good at some languages/technologies whilst I am a complete noob in others. Yes, I use them but I am not confident in them and always have to Google what is going on. I need to make a list of all the languages I am good at and those I am not so good at. Maybe even list why I'm not good at them. The same goes for non-technical skills. Got to make plans/goals on how I will improve them and get out of my comfort bubble on my comfort technologies and expand! Leadership skills would probably improve when I get solo projects given/have to present at Team meetings on my own in front of everyone~!

🩶 Technical Skill Enhancement

Deepen your proficiency in current programming languages.

Explore new technologies and frameworks relevant to your field.

My notes: I already answered this in the top one, but I shouldn't neglect my current skills to be able to learn the new ones. With the languages I am good and confident in, I still feel as though I haven't reached the more advanced stuff of that language. OOP stuff skill scares me in any programming language so I need to face my fears and learn it. From time to time, check what's popular in the market in terms of technology used and see which one aligns with my dream tech stack to use in the future and make plans to learn and develop myself~!

🩶 Project Leadership and Collaboration

Volunteer to lead small projects or take on more responsibility in current projects.

Collaborate with cross-functional teams to understand different aspects of project development.

My notes: At work, I eventually (since I'm still new) should ask to be the lead on some projects just like my higher-up developer is to me. Lead my own projects, without having to report to someone unless in dire need or when the project is complete for testing, etc. The team is small so I should talk to the non-developers in the team and see from their POV how the project is. Understand different types of people in the team and communicate effectively. All of this can be transferred to non-work projects like an online group project on an Open-Source project on GitHub for example - lead projects and taking more responsibilities. Being able to talk to people with different skillsets as we work on a group project~!

🩶 Attend Workshops and Networking Events

Attend workshops, conferences, and networking events to expand your knowledge and connections.

Seek mentorship from experienced professionals, including CTOs.

My notes: My gosh, I dread this honestly. I'm still a relatively shy person so going to workshops and events still brings small anxiety but that's something I do want to break~! I will never know what I will learn, who I will meet etc if I don't go to one! I want to aim that this year I would like to go to one, preferably in or near my city. I always love the idea of having a mentor, honestly, I was going to pay someone to help mentor me on that part ( >> loads of cites offer mentorships for programming!!! ) but I feel like my manager right now is that person so I will keep working with him to develop more~!

In conclusion, self-improvement as a programmer is both challenging and super hard to get started BUT rewarding in the end~!

[darkcrowprincess]

Book Canon.

Little 12 yo Percy, holding out flowers: Luke, I like like you!

Luke, literally right about to betray Percy, reveal he's the lightning thief, and leave him to die:

Luke stares at the kid holding out sunflowers to him. The same color as Lukes hair. Percy smiles so wide and happy his eyes are closed, he looks like one of those Chinese smiling cats. Luke continues to stare. So confused. "What are these for?" Luke asks. Luke feels a sick sinking feeling in his stomach(guilt). He thinks he knows the answer.

Blushing Percy says softly, "Just as a thank you for everything you've done. And just because."

To hide the guilt Luke smirks playful "Just because, you gotta give me more than that Percy?"

Percy becomes bashful and embarrassed, " I like you, and I know, I'm not stupid or oblivious like Annabeth. I get it I'm just a kid. You don't see me that way. But your really nice, and it's just your the type of nice person that someone should make a big deal about liking. To know that someone cares about them."

Percy than puts on a brave face to hold out the flowers to Luke, "So don't worry about my feelings or anything. I want you to accept these with no expectations because you deserve it."

Luke for the first time is shocked. He doesn't know what to think. No one's ever done something like this for him before. Every gift he's ever gotten has always had some strings attached. Some selfish reason from the gods or his father. The last time he remembers someone giving him a unselfish gift was his mother. And that brings about a different type of sicking guilt and anger.

But Luke hides that deep inside with his mask of a soft smile. "Thank you," he says as he gently takes the flowers. And he means it. Without thinking he kisses Percy softly and quick on the cheek. Something completely innocent but no less genuine.

Percy turns completely red. But he cups his cheek dazed.

"Why sunflowers,? Luke questions.

Percy still a little dazed answers, "They reminded me of you."

"Well after I put these in water, we can go hang out by the lake and watch the fireworks ok?"

"Ok."

Luke turns, flowers safely in his arms, thinking all the while 'I am a piece of shit'. But he's already made up his mind. It's not like he can turn back. Besides, nice boys giving him flowers are years too late to stop the anger inside. Hurting so much like the scar on his face. Doesn't make him feel any less guilty though. He hugs the flowers tighter. They bring no comfort at all.

[messenger-of-stupidity]

William thoughts hehe

I listened to it in art class today and accidentally started drawing his crown icon in the corner.

Anyways

His accent (even when redone by Erik) still itches my brain.

But, the fact he split up the explanations was pretty smart. He recognizes that Sam and Vincent are different. Sam is more comfortable with himself, holding less doubt about the person that he is than Vincent is. Vincent has had so much character development. So has Sam of course, but not from the same 180 personality shift Vincent has.

Vincent used to be our flirty-shoes-on-bed vampire. Now he's a dork who has a thing for crowns (COUGH COUGH). So William realized that Vincent would have more questions than Sam did and wanted to have a space for Vincent to ask all those questions. As for whether or not I think Vincent will leave...

No. I don't think he will. I do think he'll try to push more diplomatic solutions to the issues that rise up. Maybe, since Porter has been labeled as the hitman for the clan, Vincent will take charge over diplomacy. He certainly knows how to handle people if given some time to prepare. I could see Vincent and Lovely being the first resort, and if that doesn't work, Porter (and prolly Alexis) get involved. We know imperium Alexis isn't above bloodshed, so some of that has to transfer over to Canon. This way, Vincent can live knowing that they tried peaceful resolutions first. And, like a lot of other people are saying, he's too closely tied. Lovely and Vincent's whole sense of community lives within the clan. The Shaw pack are friends, but the clan is their family. If they stopped being Solaires, they would kind of be loners. No matter what William says about always being welcome.

But Sam.

Sam is absolutely leaving. He asked the questions he needed, and got the answers that came with them. He's already closer with the pack, having game nights and vacations and celebrations with them. David has told him he's family (I'm pretty sure). He even has some inside jokes now. Something I'm not sure he has with his clan. He'll definitely stay friends with Vincent, and always be grateful to William for distancing Alexis from him.

But being part of the clan seems to be painful for him. He doesn't enjoy any of the clan gatherings (Vincent takes some enjoyment from them, since he was looking forward to spending the summit with Lovely. Sam was not excited to go, even with Darlin and some of the Shaw pack coming) and is only close to Vincent and William. Plus his "That's all I need to know" totally sounded like a "Farewell then". He knew there was an option to leave, and with another sense of community waiting for him, he's going to take it.

Plus, he never took the Solaire name. I'm sure William offered it, but he didn't take it. Vincent did.

I am curious about how David is going to react to this. William invited his pack to a gathering where he had a double assassination carried out. And there's some tension between the older vampires and werewolves, so no matter how small of a chance there was, David's pack could have been blamed simply because of outdated prejudice.

Even if that didn't happen, it's not like David wants Angel anywhere near something dangerous. Like a potential vampire fight breaking out. We know how seriously David takes protecting his pack. I wanna see the conversation David has with William for putting his pack in a position to be involved indirectly with what happened.

[loveephia]

hii ! I really luv ur writing style and omg it's so cute and sweet and HSKWJWJJAHSUVDSJ !!! ⁽⁽ଘ( ˊᵕˋ )ଓ⁾⁾ could I request karasuno x shy reader ? sorry if it sounds like a weird request ! ｡:ﾟ(;´∩`;)ﾟ:｡

:¨ ·.· ¨: ハイキュー!! karasuno meeting the shy reader . . .

`· . ꔫ . . . (hinata, kageyama, tsukishima, sugawara.)

a/n: I AM SO SORRY AS TO HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO ANSWER THIS. i got the biggest writer's block, and i lost a bit of my interest in haikyū!!. slowly, but surely, it's coming back, though. THANK YOU ANON FOR YOUR KIND WORDS AND ENJOY READING!!! :D

⚠ warning/s: none.

SHŌYŌ HINATA

- i firmly believe that opposites attract

- so just know that hinata would be over the moon for you :D!!

- his outgoing personality together with your shy one, PLSSS you two would make such a cute couple

- upon first meeting, hinata was asked (by kiyoko) to try and find students who still weren't in a club, so hinata approached you first

- but when he asked you questions on if you wanted to join the volleyball club as their manager, you kept glancing off to the side, twiddling with your fingers, and sighing like you were uncomfortable

- that was hinata's little cue that maybe you weren't interested :<

- "i apologize.. i- i was already planning to join a different club." you manage to speak out with what little sanity you have left

- hinata's huge signature smile makes a way unto his own face, and you can't help but stare. "it's okay! what club were you planning to join?"

- and the conversation stems from there

- somehow, hinata just has this charm to get anyone to talk, you included ^^

TOBIO KAGEYAMA

- honestly, i can just imagine you and him staring at each other at the vending machine right outside karasuno.

- "did he just take the last box of milk?"

- "she's staring, so i'll stare too."

- then, after looking at his face for a while, you realize that hE'S ACTUALLY A TAD BIT HANDSOME.

- pls you're already weak around normal people, and he just so happens to be some kinda ikemen 😞

- a small peachy blush forms on your cheeks, and you decide that you can just get a new milk box at a different vending machine

- you shuffle away as quickly as possible, but you're interrupted with a: "hey."

- you turn around and see him walking toward you

- "no, no, no, no! is he mad? did i stare at him for too long???"

- "here." kageyama gives you some change, "i notice that you come here every day to get the same drink, but it looks like i took the last one."

- as you watch him walk away, you stare at the change now in your hands

- he was.. nice.

KEI TSUKISHIMA

- get out ☹️

- if i ever got sucked into the hq world, i'm avoiding tsukishima like the plague.

- you two are friends (somehow??) and normally, he'd watch you try to start a conversation with other schoolmates every day

- after your failed attempt at making new friends, tsukishima kinda teases you and.. comforts you??

- "maybe it'll turn out better next time if you actually maintained eye contact." he pats your head

- nvm it was a whole roast.

- you sigh at his words, looking disappointed, and he happens to notice

- "i'll buy you some shortcake if it makes you stop looking so gloomy." and gracefully at that, you nod, ecstatic :D!!

- to your schoolmates, you're the shy girl at the back of the class

- to tsukishima, you're everything and more

KOUSHI SUGAWARA

- you bumped into him while trying to run to the teacher's faculty to submit some papers

- and as you're on the floor, in a daze about what just happened, a sweet voice pulls you outta your thoughts

- you look up and see a boy lending you his own hand. "are you okay?" he asks

- "he's so handsome..!" you thought, taking his hand and getting pulled up

- "y- yes, i'm okay." you say, kneeling down to pick up the papers you dropped as the boy does the same. you can't help but glance at his face a few times

- "what's your name?"

- "y/n l/n. and yours..?"

- "you can call me sugawara." he hands you the papers he picked up with a smile, and you bow to thank him

- as you walk to the faculty room, back on the initial route, you can't help but think about your interaction with sugawara

© lowercase intended | loveephia

[accio-victuuri]

12/28 ( love bo ) day sweets! 🤍

i thought we can get some rest before tomorrow’s busy content day, but i guess i was wrong cause the cpns won’t let up. lol. we are definitely ending this year with being busy! we will get more once we have the full experience of yibo’s new EP and i’m waiting for XZ’s marie claire magazine interview.

let’s start with the most obvious thing we all observed from the teaser, the 🦴 necklace being front and center. this just tells me how personal this project is for him. tho his yearly song is as personal as it gets and is his yearly commitment to his fans as well. but he could have easily worn something chanel for promotion sake since he is their ambassador, but he still chose to use something of his own. this necklace that he always wears. i am usually open to interpretations of cpns, but there are very few that i’m stubborn about and this is one of those. this necklace is connected to xz, i accept no other explanations. i’m sure we will notice more clues but this one has made a lot of us happy 😋

some are also pointing out that scene in the train, the people on it are all bundled up and cold. however, wyb’s character has his neck exposed like that so you can see the necklace. he is also wearing a shirt with shoes printed on it xie zi = xz.

this bit is the one making a lot of cpfs scream. the similarity in the question asked from an xzs video to to the untamed. 🤯

so, have you thought of a name?

we have already takes about everything is lovely that was cued before in xz’s birthday, and now this. it’s like him asking, have you thought of the name for the song? the same way wwx asked lwj about wuji. and this song, everything is lovely is the answer to that. we are very much aware that wwx/lwj is different from xz/wyb but these parallels are hard to ignore. and what if they also think of themselves as somewhat these two soulmates? i think that makes sense too. and oh, if you wanna go more galaxy brained - the date difference between 10/5 to the release of the new song 12/29 is 85 days. are they counting??? we all questioned the new release date and why it’s 12/30. maybe this seemed more like an auspicious date based on that. who knows 🤷🏻‍♀️

I also forgot to add this when i first discussed the lyric that talks about white hair. this part of the fanmeet where they had to act out seeing each other after a long time. WYB mentioned pulling out XZ’s white hair for him. 🥹🥹🥹

at the time (2019) it seemed like he was being a gremlin and the subject of white hair was for a joke. now, years later (2023) he uses it in a new way. i will love you till your hair turns white. I will love you forever.

• THEIR EYES 👀

• In the behind the scenes video shared by shunan laoshi, who worked with WYB last year, we can see the card case. HAHAHAHAHAHA! I can’t believe this simple thing is one of the strongest cpns we have.

• GQ shared this photo taken by WYB and it reminds us of an effect also used by XZ and XZS. I know this is not some effect that is unique to them and that other people can do it too, but the point is the similarity. you have WYB who has been into photography lately and he is using a trick that XZ and his team have used before.

• a video has been shared from 10c night in 2019 and it really proved one of the things we’ve been saying before, that their dressing/waiting rooms were right next to each other.

• WYB is allegedly listening to this song on QQ. I wonder who comes to mind when he listens to it 😏

-END.