#the relationship question reminds me that i saw a coworker the other day with her friends

[g0tmilkx3]

Sure Looks Strange to Me II

You met Emerald Haywood purely by chance. You didn’t expect to go through a near death experience with her but stranger things have happened.

WARNINGS: Explicit, NOPE spoilers, swearing, crude jokes, death mention, suggestive language, oral sex (female receiving), pillow princess reader, this story is lesbian so yes the relationship moves very fast for no reason, written like a romcom, not proofread

Dividers by: Firefly-Graphics

Part 1 Part 2

You once again found yourself wasting away at your dreaded place of employment. Since his recent breakup Angel was spending more and more time at Fry’s — loitering, if you wanted to get technical. Whether it was firing off trivia about his favorite band or wandering around the store hoping Al didn’t kick him out. Angel was determined to waste time at Fry’s awaiting more extraterrestrial news from the Haywood’s.

Turns out passing out during an attempted alien invasion didn’t drastically change your life like you thought it would. In any event it actually made it less exciting. Everything else paled in comparison to seeing what you saw that night.

Your coworkers thought you and Angel were on drugs and the Haywood’s were likely sitting at home traumatized. You hadn’t heard a word from Emerald since that night. Although you were waiting for her call you understood that what happened that night was bigger than some crush. But that didn’t stop you from longingly staring at your phone when no one was around. Reading the last message she sent you, post intergalactic experience.

Em Haywood ❤️🐎: ‘I really really REALLY hope I get to see you again and actually take you out on a real date 😅’

You replied expressing that you hoped for the very same thing. Since then it’d been radio silence between you. While it hadn’t been that long since you last seen her, it felt like a lifetime had passed. You couldn’t stop thinking about her smile, her voice, and her touch. At times you swore you still felt her lips eagerly pressing against yours, blessing you. But you were quickly brought back to reality and reminded that there were miles and miles of space between you and that space was only growing with each passing minute.

The day dragged on like any other. Work was mundane as usual. The hushed chitter-chatter of patrons filled the store, blending in with the sound of buzzing electronics.

“I think we could get on Oprah for this” Angel began “I mean it’s not everyday that she interviews the people who made contact with actual aliens” he hopped on the counter swinging his feet in excitement.

“If anything Oj would be the one on Oprah” you replied, preoccupied with an online order.

“Yeah but without my expertise in setting up the camera system it wouldn’t have been caught on film”

“Hey! I helped too. Plus there was something blocking the camera.”

“Yeah right,” he scoffed “you were staring off into space for the better part of the instillation.”

“I wasn’t just looking off into space-“ you stopped typing and turned to him “I was looking at a cloud.”

“What’s so special about a cloud. Was it Emerald shaped?” He teasingly questioned.

You sucked you’re teeth at his comment but his words made an alarming realization plunder into your head.

“The clouds!” You exclaimed scattering to pull up the Haywood’s camera system.

“Dude, they asked me to stop looking at their shit.” he complained as he hesitantly dragged his gaze to the beaming screen. He was only human after all.

“Never mind that. Look!” you maximized the frame and sped the footage up.

You tapped your foot waiting for Angel to notice what you noticed long ago. But, he only gave the screen a doe eyed once over. The ongoing time-lapse didn’t phase him. He only saw the constant movement of white clouds before a baby blue sky.

“The view is pretty?” He guessed “you know you can go back whenever. I’m sure Em wouldn’t mind if you-“

“Angel look at that cloud” you pointed to the middle of the computer screen. Your finger rested against the static cloud standing out amongst all of the others. It didn’t take much longer for his unamused expression to morph into anything but.

His eyes were the size of saucers as he stuttered out “w-we have to tell them!”

“Hell yeah we have to tell them” you exclaimed excitedly.

Angel didn’t wait for you as he exiting the work van and started towards the immobile cloud.

“I thought I told you to stop looking at our cameras…” Em complained following behind Angel.

You watched her as she watched your friend.

“Hey,” Oj gruffly greeted you “what’s all this about?”

The sound of your voice greeting Oj made Em whip her head around to face you. She smiled sweetly when she saw you trotting behind Oj, trying to keep up with Angel.

“But I’ve always enjoyed a surprise drop in!” She clamped her hands together, dragging her heavy gaze over you.

“Holy shit it’s real” Angel peered up at the cloud you found yourself staring at not too long ago.

“I told you!” You also gawked up at the phenomenon. But even that wasn’t enough to top what you’d seen the other night.

The Haywood’s joined the two of you. Starring up at the sky, seeking the thing that had you and your best friend gawking.

Once Angel replayed the footage over the past few hours for the siblings a shadow of dread cloaked the room. Em was the first to suggest that she and Oj had enough proof. They did it. They had the money shot.

But you all knew deep down that this wasn’t enough. Not enough for Oprah at least. Maybe enough for a YouTube video which would amass thousands of views, if that.

This feeling was confirmed when the four of you stood in each other’s space, letting fear vibrate your bodies. Oj uttered something after a beat of silence that made the hair on the back of you neck stand on end.

“…what if it’s not a ship?”

His words struck you sending electricity shooting through your body. You and Angel looked to each other apprehensively. In that moment you knew there was no turning back. You were in this until the end.

Emerald and Oj spoke to each other in hushed voices bodies turned away from you and Angel.

“I don’t know about this Angel” you began quietly “this is getting way bigger than I expected.”

“We can’t just split now” he replied “I can’t at least”

“Well if you’re not leaving I’m not leaving, be serious” the thought of leaving behind Angel made your stomach hurt.

“I am!” he pushed air out through his nose “let’s just sleep on it”

You found yourself staring at Emerald again. You barley knew her but you felt like it’d be a crime to leave her. Especially with the discovery of whatever that was. She turned to you, catching your worried eyes. Her expression mirrored yours.

You were on the cusp of something earth shatteringly magnificent. And in that very moment, you all knew that you only had each other.

“So you sleep in this RV?” Your eyes wandered around the small space “why not just stay in one of the rooms in the house? There’s like a hundred.” You sat on her bed leaning back a bit, using your hands to support you.

On the wall before you a collage of photos adorned a cork board. Each frame captured special moments from Emerald’s life. With every image you sunk deeper and deeper into her world. You saw who her friends were and what she enjoyed doing. Her bright smile didn’t miss a photo. There was a man printed in most of the frames. He was older and had a wise look behind his eyes. You could see it even through the camera lens. After gracing a picture of she and Oj sitting on either side of said man, you realized it was her father.

“Eh,” she glanced out the window towards the place she once called home “Oj would work me to death. Plus, I can’t get much privacy in there. Y’know?”

She took a couple confident steps forward, cloaking your eyes from her gallery. Once she was close enough, her knee gently nudge yours apart. She regarded you, her countenance held a hidden secret that you were hoping to find. The more time you spent in her endearing presence the more puzzle pieces shaped together. She was an entire universe — intense and absorbing. What you would give to see her in a room full of people; if she commanded your attention so cavalier she could probably quiet a room filled with people.

“Yeah” you hummed, looking up at her “I know.”

“Do you?” She asked moving further in between your legs. Her amorous stare only seemed to intensify your bashfulness.

Although your heartbeat was accelerating by the minute you felt at ease. You felt like she was supposed to be there looking down at you with her rich brown eyes. She looked at you like you were the only person in the world. Like you were special.

God say something

You opened your mouth to speak but nothing came out. She raised an eyebrow, a knowing smirk growing on her lips. She knew how nervous she made you. And if you didn’t like her so much you’d probably be offended at her playful taunting.

You could see the teasing satisfaction behind her eyes. You absently wondered if you were easy or was she just that good.

“I-I live alone because I v-value privacy too, actually…” you somehow found the brain capacity to squeeze out a semi cohesive sentence — you winced a bit at the shakiness of your voice.

She delicately brought her hand to your face. The soft brush of the back of her hand ran softly down your cheek until two of her fingers settled underneath your chin. She tilted your head up getting a good look at your warm face. You looked to her in admiration, silently praying that she didn’t notice your thighs squeezing together.

“Why are you so nervous?” She tilted her head to the side examining you “it’s just me.”

“Yeah, it’s you. That’s why I’m nervous” You huffed rolling your eyes.

She chuckled a bit before leaning down and pressing a chaste kiss against your forehead.

“You’re so damn cute” she breathed before leaning back in and kissing your right cheek then your left. She kissed your nose and your chin before moving to your mouth. Her divine scent filled your senses as you breathed her in. Once again Em Haywood had charmed you into making out with her. But being kissed breathless by the girl who filled your wet dreams satisfied your hierarchy of needs.

Her hand traveled down your body until it rested on your hip. She gently squeezed you there, silently prompting you to lie down. You complied disconnecting from her lips only for a second. Before you could catch your breath she was back on top of you, soft mouth against your neck.

A low moan climbed up your throat as she trailed wet kisses to your sensitive ear. You pulled her warm body closer to yours as a silent yearning for more. Your hands begged and begged until she found your lips again. Soft gasps and groans filled the space with each lost item of clothing.

The cool air surrounding you hardened your nipples and made a shiver climb up your spine. Emerald’s soft tongue massaged yours as her pebbled nipples brushed against yours. That soft feeling alone was enough to send a pulsating pleasure shooting down bellow your stomach. You trembled as she left your lips and kissed down to your chest. Her pink tongue swirled around one of your sensitive nubs before her lips puckered and gently sucked there. You pressed your hand against your mouth struggling to keep your embarrassing moans down.

She soon began alternating between gently biting and groping your breast, all the while paying special attention to your tingling nipples. A building pleasure pounded between your legs as she kissed down to your belly. Delicate lips gently brushed over your panties before her tongue dragged over you. She pressed her tongue against your slit, dampening the thin cloth even more. She repeated the action, adding more pressure. You threw your head back against her soft pillows, the smell of her filled your nostrils. The moisture between your legs grew at the intrusion. You gasped letting your shaky legs fall apart even more. Your fingers tangled in her soft fro. She hadn’t even made direct contact with the valley between your legs and already you felt yourself rushing towards satisfaction. She used her index finger to push your drenched panties aside, you moaned as the cold air blew against your throbbing clit.

“All this for me?” She questioned, her fingers already dipping into you. The sounds of squelching and breathing filled the space.

You moaned out a breathy ‘yes’ as she puckered her lips around your clit, gently sucking there. Her fingers continued moving around inside of you until she pressed against a spongey area making your mouth fall open and your back arch off of the bed. You could feel her smile against you as she pressed that spot inside of you over and over again. You were shaking by the time your orgasm was climbing over your body. Beginning at your toes and making its way up your legs. She pulled away mouth wet with your arousal.

You groaned in both frustration and lust as your eyes landed on her. She climbed over you pressing her lips back against yours. You let a sound of pleasure slip past your lips, tasting yourself on her hot mouth. Her hand continued inside of you pumping in and out. The familiar prickling of an orgasm circulated your body.

She spoke against the shell of your ear, noticing your uneven breathing pattern.

“Wanna cum?”

You nodded eagerly pulling her closer.

“Say please-“ she sped up her movements.

“Please” you whimpered before she could even finish her sentence “please, please, please” you repeated like a prayer.

“Then cum for me” she gently bit your ear, effectively catapulting you towards your completion. You absently heard her groan as an orgasm vibrated through your body “that’s right, pretty girl” she mumbled proudly working you through the eruption.

When your body relaxed you could still feel her moving her fingers within you. The soft drag of her fingers in and out of your body pulled another embarrassing whimper from you. She leaned down kissing every sound from your lips, swallowing them whole. Her soiled fingers brushed over your sensitive nub — more sounds involuntarily spilled from your mouth. She didn’t catch them this time. This time she smiled as your sweet moans massaged her ears.

Your eyes were low as you watched your lover bring her fingers to her mouth. She tasted you slowly, a low growl vibrated within her throat. Her eyes were fastened to yours as she sucked on her fingers, tasting you. She leaned down kissing you again, letting you taste yourself again.

You soon settled against each other in her cramped bed. Your legs wrapped around hers just as your arms. She kissed the top of your head squeezing you impossibly closer.

“I think I’m gonna keep you” she whispered as sleep began clouding your mind.

You didn’t mind being kept by her. Not one bit.

Whispers of warm sunlight brushed over your closed eyes, rousing you from your slumber. The fresh air of the countryside swept into the room. Em’s quieted struggling pulled a smile out of you, you watched on as she crept through the door. You blearily rubbed your eyes, vision gradually sharpening until you were able to see her clearly.

She was juggling two plates of food and a cup of orange juice. You stifled your giggling when she finally sat the plates and juice on a cleared surface. Your delighted laughter drew her attention to you.

“Hey!” She huffed rubbing the back of her neck “I uh went to the house and made us some breakfast while you were sleeping” she presented you a plate with a couple pieces of bacon, two abnormally sized pancakes and scrambled eggs.

“Thank you” you took the plate from her hands feeling the butterflies entrapped in your belly go berserk.

“No problem” she cleared her throat “I’m not the best cook, my specialty is actually grilled cheese.” She coughed awkwardly taking a seat on the bed “a-and if you don’t like it let me know we can always go out to eat breakfast.”

Her leg bounced as she watched you take a bite of your bacon.

“It looks amazing, Em” you replied picking up the fork she provided before diving into the divine smelling meal.

“Thanks” she muttered, still watching you. The room slipped into a comfortable silence as you finished your meal. You realized that the radio she kept in her bathroom was playing oldies. You hadn’t noticed how long she’d been watching you until you were finishing up your meal and drinking the orange juice she’d brought you.

“Is everything okay?” you cleared your throat instantly feeling self conscious. Did you do something wrong? Was she waiting to kick you out? Maybe you overstayed your welcome.

“Yeah” she shook her head “I just-“ she cut herself off by finally biting a piece of her bacon. You realized she hadn’t even touched her food. “I don’t want to scare you off or anything….” her sentence trailed off into silence.

“Why would you scare me off?” You raised an eyebrow leaning in a bit closer to her.

“I…” she didn’t continue her sentence, instead she sighed. Her sigh was deep and long. Something was stressing her. You silently read her mannerisms. She was trying to say something. But it seemed as if she was having a hard time formulating the words. This surprised you because from your few interactions with the girl she’d always knew what to say. She never stumbled over her words and she was confident in herself. It was refreshing.

“Are you sure you’re alright?“ you frowned eyeing her “I can leave if you’d like-“

“No!” Her animated voice echoed around you effectively cutting your sentence off.

“Okay…”

“Sorry” she exhaled “I like you” she nervously watched you. Her eyes were darting about your face as she tried her hardest to read you.

“I like you too?” You replied raising a curious eyebrow. You thought the night before said it all.

“No like I really like you” she articulated her sentence a bit more this time. It was clear that she was trying to convey how deep her feelings for you were. “Like I miss you and you haven’t even left!”

“Oh…” you wanted to say more, but that was all you could manage. Your heartbeat thumped with you. Faster and faster until your breathing became bursts of breath. Your blood rushed to your neck and circulated your face. Her words were as intense as her gaze. She was seeking something in your eyes.

She was looking for reciprocation.

Were you feeling the magnetic attraction that she felt? Was it impossible for you to stop thinking about her too? Did you spend time rereading your text messages as well? When you see her do your knees buckle?

Surely not. Surely if you felt the same way you would’ve said something by now.

After a few beats of silence she cleared her throat, breaking eye contact with you.

“My bad” she cleared her throat again, this time chancing a glance towards you “that was probably weird…”

“It wasn’t” you breathed. That sleeping spark of hope swam back into her pools of brown as you continued “I just don’t know what to say.”

She hums in understanding. A smile that you grew to adore began creeping back onto her face.

“I really like you too” you matched her elation.

“Good.” She scooted closer to you.

“Good.” You inched nearer to her until your noses brushed. She blessed you just as she has many times before. You blessed her back. Your mutual devotion molded together. Your spaghetti straps were being pulled down when there was a knock on the door. Em sucked her teeth after she pulled away from you.

“If it’s not one thing it’s another” she pulled the door open and groaned at the person she saw.

“Hey I’m putting tarp on the cameras because there supposed to be rain” you were surprised to hear Angel’s voice.

“….and why are you telling me this?” She raised an eyebrow at your friend.

“I couldn’t find Oj-“ he stopped short catching a glimpse of you “Dude, what the fuck I’ve been trying to text you!” He pushed past Em and entered the small space.

“I literally don’t have any messages” you checked your phone finding no new messages or missed call notifications. “See” you showed him your phone.

“Ah, the connection out here is shit” he rolled his eyes as he shrugged his shoulders “any alien sightings or just…” he winked.

“Hey, I’m still here” Em called from behind Angel “I didn’t even invite you in”

“You’ve given me aliens and you’re hooking up with my best friend. We’re basically family.” You recognized Angel’s teasing tone but Em’s bewildered expression told you that she did not.

You laughed shooting Emerald an apologetic look. Behind her Oj pulled up, driving the golf cart. He squinted in an attempt to shield his eyes from the sun.

“Em, I gotta go pick up Lucky” he called “you coming?”

“Ha!” She replied before bursting into laughter. Behind Oj’s disapproving glare you saw a hint of a smile growing on his face.

What the rest of the day held was unknown to you. Not one of you knew what was to come. You wondered what lied up above in the sky. Was something watching you or following you? Was there something lurking behind the clouds; following your every move waiting to greet you. There was only one thing you were sure of. The skies looked strange out here in the Santa Clarita Valley. They sure do.

[semperreformanda]

life update

last june my boss let me go for “not being a good fit”

it didn’t take me long to put two and two together and realize that the big reason was because of my pregnancy. and the biggest support to this theory was he talked negatively about a coworker (who was in the company for 6+ years) who got pregnant, saying stuff like “I don’t want her back … I already know how it goes when employees get pregnant, they’ll start calling out … I don’t want to deal with that” he would say all that stuff to me and others behind her back so I knew I was only gonna stick around to save some $$$ and use the insurance as much as I could

(oh and she was forced to resign bc they literally did not want her there anymore 🙃)

but when it finally happened it drove me in anxiety and anger because I had relied on the insurance especially bc I AM PREGNANT

yes it is illegal yes I should have reported it but I had no energy to do anything

but God reminded me through it all that He provides and He does! and so silly of me to think He could provide for my greatest need (my salvation through Christ) but not provide for our little earthly needs

another reason I was annoyed was I was already planning to quit but they beat me to it 😂 but that was honestly the worst company I’ve ever worked for. I could not deal with the constant disrespect and the yelling and the cussing and their questionable ethics

they stole an engineer’s professional seal and stamp it on their projects WITHOUT HIS APPROVAL meaning all projects are “approved” 🥴 this was the last straw for me bc imagine all the hazards

anyways… that was almost 3 months ago and I honestly feel so relieved to not be working there anymore. I spent too many times feeling so incredibly stressed out and then even more stressed out that I may be hurting the baby from it

speaking of… I am already 27 weeks pregnant today 😭 I remember when I first saw that faint line and thought I was hallucinating things. we tried for months only with a stark white test every month, so seeing a shadow of a line sent chills down my spine. and 27 weeks later my little bubba has gotten so big and active 😭 I love him so much

like it’s so crazy how he’s so close to me but also so far it’s like a long distance relationship 🥴💀

also learned a lot about gestational diabetes bc my hypochondriac brain was convinced I HAD IT

apparently it’s not due to your diet and you can’t even cause it. shocking how this is not widespread knowledge, because so many moms feel guilty for failing their baby when they’re diagnosed but in reality it is mostly your placenta being a jerk 😭

so for the past few days when I got the call that I failed my 1 hour I acted like I had gestational diabetes 😭 became very picky with what I ate, which is hard bc my culture loves rice 😭 and I took 10 min walks after meals

all I could think about was my blood sugars spiking and how I needed to bring it down 💀

also I had to fast for at least 8 hours before I could do my 3 hour glucose test which was honestly so hard bc if you’ve been pregnant you know the pregnancy hunger pangs!!! I cried after my test because I was anxious about having GD and also I felt so bad for my baby 😭😭 like I starved him 😂 even though I know he’s fine in there because placenta n all dat

anyways I just wanted to let you guys in on that bc why not and also I’m bored and drinking chai while my husband works besides me 🙂🤠

[mannatea]

Break Open the Sky, a Tales of Symphonia ‘fic (Chapter 11)

Current Word Count: 88,519 Summary: What kind of “Hero” of Regeneration would she be to leave an infant to fend for itself? Someone had to have left it here for a reason. The question was, of course, why? But as she lifted the little thing carefully into her arms, the motion reminding her of nights so far in the past, now, the why seemed almost tragically clear: this baby was of mixed blood. Chapter Summary: Raine and Regal both try to navigate whatever weird relationship they have going on...and Sheena comes to town! Pairing/Characters: Raine, Original Characters, will also feature Genis, Regal, and Sheena. Endgame is Regal/Raine. Extra Info: This is technically an Accidental Baby Acquisition story, but I liken it more to “Doorstep Baby” literature because it sure ain’t cute. Rating: Mature, for themes. Genre: Eventual romance, gen, family, character study.

The title is the link to Ao3 for Chapter 11! Please enjoy the second longest chapter in the story! 🤍

Notes are under the cut!

The opening scene to this chapter, with Raine saying Regal sounds terrible but low-key thinkin’ it’s hot, is pulled hilariously enough from one of the funniest experiences I’ve ever had at my current job, where a male coworker was talking close to my desk and the person who sat across from me thought it was someone new/she hadn’t met yet and messaged me on the in-office chat app and asked who the deep and sexy voice belonged to. I had to sadly inform her it was our accountant, whose voice had gone down like four octaves with his illness and was completely unrecognizable.

--

“I would like to love you better, but you have to let me.” I’m proud of this line, actually. I feel like this pretty much encompasses everything these two characters have been wrestling with for the last two and a half years.

He wants to know her so that he can love her better. And she’s a bit afraid of that, because years ago she was a waste of someone’s time and she doesn’t want to be that for him.

Also, we finally get to the core of Raine’s issues on a more general level: she always feels she loves people incorrectly. It’s either too little or too much. It’s out of her control, and she hates not being in control. It makes her feel powerless and bad.

--

“Those We Meet in Heaven” is a spoof on “The Five People You Meet in Heaven” and the dance scene Regal references is a scene in the actual book. The novel is exactly what it says it is in the title: it’s about a man who dies and the 5 people he meets in heaven. These five guide him through…almost like an orientation, and many of them are people he doesn’t expect. They all are there to teach him some kind of lesson that “makes all the difference.” The fourth person the main character meets is his wife who died at 47 of cancer. Her heaven is being able to attend different weddings day in and out, and when it’s time for him to receive his lesson from her, they are dancing at their own wedding.

This is the dance scene Regal mentions in his letter.

In it, the main character finally asks his wife why she looks like she did the day he married her, and she tells him “Because I thought you’d like it that way.”

He asks her to change it so that she looks like she did in “the end” and she does. They smile at each other and dance together tenderly. He wanted her to look the way she did in the end because that is the last time he saw her alive & the version of her he loves wholly and completely.

As Regal states in his letter, the novel itself is more about the choices people make and how small things can affect others, sometimes to startling and unknowing degrees. It’s meant to kind of harken back to the things the characters have done to change the world, and in a more meta sense, it works to call back to the previous chapter’s discussion about how no relationship is a waste of time.

Also: it took me FOREVER to get to this bookshelf he's been saving for her, it seems. Regal thought about it briefly in the chapter where he shows her the library.

--

Lila’s dream reveals everything we really need to know about some things people have been wondering about for a while…

And Raine is learning how to be a little more open with her feelings!

--

Windermere is here:

--

And finally we have Sheena! I didn’t want to add her character tag to the story until she was actually in it, and here she is!

And the last sentence. I wonder how many people saw that coming a mile away?

[daylight-dreams-world]

So I binge watched all 5 seasons of The Good Doctor in 10 days while recovering from tonsillectomy. Hooo boy it was a ride. I really love this show, sure it has some issues, but as a neurodivergent woman, I really really liked it. 🥰

I had seen first two seasons before, but watched them again. I love how Shaun and Lea's relationship progressed, how Shaun is always learning and evolving, how his relationships with his coworkers have blossomed. Oh and I loved almost all the medical stories. This is gonna be kind of like word vomit, sorry, but gotta get my thoughts out.

Season 1 is a classic, introduction to characters and the world, ending with Dr Glassman getting a really bad diagnosis, but Shaun pushing himself to find if it's the right one and saving him in the process. Also all the things with Lea. Hate Dr Melendez and Dr Andrews. Love Dr Kalu and Dr Browne. Shaun had a really bad childhood and it makes me so sad 😐 But also pretty relatable?

Season 2 intoduces Dr Lim, Dr Reznick, Dr Park and Dr Han. It's kind of heavier season? Dr Kalu has to leave, Dr Han is a fucking PRICK🙂 and I am glad Dr Andrews came to his fucking senses and protected Shaun. People are still questioning if Shaun should be working there during this season and it's.. sad.

Lea and Shaun become roommates, OMG they were roommates!!😳😳 I don't like Dr Reznick, she kinda reminds me of Haley from Stardew Valley. Dr Lim and Park are really nice. Melendez and Lim become a couple and it's SO CUTE! I love Claire's support for Shaun. ❤️ It was heartbreaking to find out about Dr Glassman's daughter though 😭

Season 3.. it's really good. Might be my favourite season so far? We see Shaun pursuing a relationship with Carly, getting closer and more comfortable with eachother. Eventually they break up and Shaun tries to tell Lea how he loves her, but she has insecurities and doesnt want a relationship. Shaun struggles with losing both Carly and Lea 🥺 Claire struggles a lot this season, Im glad that Lim and Melendez are helping. Reznick being diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis is very fucking sad. She is SO driven to be a surgeon, but she probably has to give it up.

But my favourite part was probably the two-parter season finale. THE ENDING DESTROYED ME 😭😭😭😭😭😭 Melendez dying came out of NOWHERE, I was so hoping for a magical last minute cure which never came... I really loved Melendez this season and how he helped Claire. Also this taught me how you should never ignore "small" injuries, it's not worth to die for. They could've had the romance of the century 😭❤️

I am really glad the ending helped Lea realize how much she loves Shaun. Also Dr Park with that boy stuck under a bar that fell during the earthquake, slowly dying.. LET'S JUST SAY THERE WERE A LOT OF TEARS THIS SEASON 🥲🥲🥲

Season 4 starts with coronavirus two-parter opening. It's super sad and I am actually kinda surprised, that only Dr Lim ended up with PTSD. This season introduces us to new residents that Reznick, Park, Shaun, Claire, Lim and Andrews have to teach. Loved Olivia, but I was sure she was gonna quit. The other guy didn't really resonate with me, but it made me sad how they kinda made fun of polyamory. Dr Allen.. she's nice, but I don't really like overly religious people. Dr Asher Wolke, however, is my FAVOURITE?! after Shaun and Claire and Melendez? His story really resonated with me, him leaving his family and religion to be himself. Oh and it was so sad when he lost his freaking FIRST PATIENT?? 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 Him continueing CPR even though he knew it was futale.... Made me cry so hard.

Dr Reznick giving up surgery was really sad, I felt for her so much.

Meanwhile, Lea and Shaun's relationship is blossoming and turns out Lea is pregnant! I'm glad they showed us the option to abort. I kinda spoiled myself though 💀 Was scrolling through episodes list and saw about grief and well, that happened, they lost the baby. I don't EVER want kids myself, but they portrayed the loss very well and I felt a lot of empathy for both Lea and Shaun.

I really loved the season finale two-parter in Guatemala. To see how life is there, how privileged I am to have FREE healthcare. I knew Lim and that guy were going to get together, but I didn't really like it. I really liked how Lea at first refused to hold that woman's baby but then did and also helped all night. I think that really helped her deal with grief. Park and Reznick getting together was.. surprising but I like it? CLAIRE LEAVING WAS SAD :( We lost Melendez last season and well, at least Claire didn't DIE, but it was sad to see her go, especially since she is Shaun's best friend. Lea proposing was very surprising but nice!!

Season 5, final season for now, I didn't actually like THAT much? Maybe like 2nd best from the bottom. I hated, that The BITCH Salen posed as a PATIENT with ADHD and then turned out to be buyer of the hospital. I hated her guts, so much. Also hated Reznick and Andrews for a while, but at least they made up for their mistakes. First half of the season was just stressing me the hell out. Also Lea and Shaun fighting 😐 and having trouble deciding on the wedding. The Shaun Show and The Lea Show were very nice episodes ❤️ I am glad they finally married in the final episode, they teased us so much!

AND I AM FREAKING OUT ABOUT DR LIM AND THAT NURSE, GUYS PLS DON'T BE DEAD, YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO ME AFTER MELENDEZ WHICH I AM STILL NOT OVER WITH!!

That was a lot, you're a hero if you read this far, thank you! ❤️ I can't wait for the next season to break and mend my heart even more🥰❤️

[crumblycornbread]

So here’s a little story all about how social interactions go when I speak with someone who has my personality functions but flipped and turned upside down. 😅

Hi, late 20-something INFJ here who is living in a small, sleepy Appalachian city. 🖖🏻 I’m also a master’s level social worker with a trauma informed and clinical background who recently decided to begin practicing in a medical environment. While the change of pace has been nothing less of exhilarating, there has been the occasional bump in the road while adjusting to the social environment of this workplace. I was quick to recognize/observe questionable relationships between coworkers and knew to be more assertive with my boundaries than usual. However, as always, there’s that *one* co-worker who just loves testing boundaries and thus pushing my buttons. This co-worker is no other than a middle aged ESTP who has been running from himself for as long as I’ve been breathing. So, keep reading if a story about addressing a boundary setting in the most INFJ way possible sounds interesting. (ADHD-side note: This is story is also your sign to make that decision you, fellow INFJ/human, need to better yourself… and always trust your intuition when it comes to speaking your mind.)

I feel the best stories are told when the characters have names. Emphasis on characters and not narrator. 😉 So, this ESTP deserves a name, but not just any name. It should be a name that belonged to a pretty famous INFJ: Remus Lupin. Perhaps, we can just say Lou for short because after all we’re talking about a middle aged man from West Virginia here. If you’re wondering why I feel that Lou should be named after an INFJ, let me tell you why: It is a reminder that the story and details you are about to learn about this person is not limited to a specific personality type. Everyone has their demons, or werewolves. Whatever. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Another character featured in this story is Sybil, an INFP. I actually met Sybil way before I met Lou. In fact, thanks to her I learned more than I cared to before I even met the guy. Like me, Sybil is a social worker but she’s been practicing for a bit longer than myself. She’s also much closer in age to Lou than I am. It would make complete sense for the two of them to be friends. However, unbeknownst to the two of them I had already been briefed on their horribly kept secret office romance. Sometimes I wonder if she would have told me as much as she did, if she had actually known I was much more difficult to manipulate than she predicted. Anyways, Sybil shared legends of Lou that were stained with admiration, obsession, lust, and annoyance. Girl had it bad. Lou was great at letting her feel in control through the use of his apathy. Their relationship was almost villainous. Regardless, I learned a lot from Sybil. She told me about how Lou’s bias towards people who struggle with addiction likely comes from having to overcompensate as a parent due to his ex-wife’s alcoholism. (His daughter is 5 years younger than me btw.) Repressed resentment can do a lot to a person, but I knew it could not be the source that created the wounds that afflicted Lou so apparently. Sybil is an incredibly resilient and intelligent woman, but she is incapable of seeing this man for who he really is. Whereas, I saw him for who he was the moment he said his first sentence to me.

There is nothing more irritating to me than having the ability to see so clearly through an ESTP’s bullshit while everyone is left stunned and fumbling while trying to follow their stuttering Ti. 🤬 They’re not THAT brilliant y’all, but god are those weasely fuckers good making you think otherwise. (I clearly have an almost visceral love/hate relationship with ESTPs. Please reference the Elena, Bonnie, and Damon trynamic to understand Sybil, myself, and Lou here.) On the day I was first able to put a face to Lou’s name, I think he must have grown two inches the moment he saw a new member in his audience. He flung the office door open as an entrance and I could almost smell the God complex roll off from him as he strut past me like an English Bulldog on a leash sizing up a fire hydrant. He was then of course too impatient and did not allow me the time needed to prepare in introducing myself to such organized chaos. He took it upon himself, gladly. It was quite frankly disgusting. I loved it. 😂 Lou is low key Nurse Ratchet at our place of work which is rather ironic. Our jobs are interdisciplinary in nature where we alongside and act as gatekeepers deciding who will and will not be admitted to our psychiatric unit. Though we always deflect by making the psychiatrist sound like the all great and powerful Oz. We, meaning Lou and I, are still the information gatherers and boy do we gather information differently.

“I’ll lead this one, okay,” Lou sharply spurts out as he reaches and swiftly pulls to open a privacy curtain. I think I’ve lost count how many times this man has said this to me as we prepare to assess a patient. It’s been very hard for us to establish a good working rhythm. It’s unclear to me if he’s uncomfortable with our power dynamic because I have more education while he has more experience in this position. Or, if Sybil has told him about how I prefer to take my time during assessments so I can gather as much information as possible for diagnostic purposes. I wonder this because it seems Lou likes to rush through questions because he’s already came to a conclusion before having even set eyes on the patient. He ironically voices this same frustration with other coworkers. It is glaring how blind he is to himself.

In between assessing and staffing patients to psychiatrists, Lou is bombarding me with personal questions hoping to probe himself into a debate. He’s also doing the whole damaged-goods-eliciting-rescue routine that I’m sure works on a lot ladies, like Sybil for instance. It’s not doing him any favors with me though because it’s only pissing me off. Can’t a woman just write out her note and process information so that she can come to her own conclusion in peace? 🙉 I can tell he both loves and hates that I can’t immediately agree with him. His inability to get a good read on me though seems to keep him curious and engaged. In the span of a week this man had revealed an ungodly amount of personal information to me, intentional or not. Here’s a short list of things I learned about the guy:

-His dad was a WWII veteran that was abusive “but” not nearly as abusive as father was to him.

-He was married once and has a daughter from that marriage.

-He gained two cats from the divorce and he expected me to be shocked that he had two cats for some reason.

-He was a respiratory therapist (RT) at a major trauma/research hospital in the Midwest for many years before deciding to go back to school to become a nurse, and ultimately starting his life completely over.

-I asked him to tell me about the grossest thing he had ever seen as a nurse. Ya know, expecting to have a humorous conversation about poop or something, but no. Lou proceeds to tell me three extremely gruesome and graphic trauma stories he witnessed as a RT that happened more than 10 years ago. This man- this father has witnessed more children die than any father/man/human should have ever seen. He apathetically laughed while being able to recall the sight of brain matter collecting on his shoes, completely unphased.

-He boasts of the multiple failed relationships and flings he’s encountered (many with coworkers) as if to make himself sound alluring. He regrettably tells me the story of the woman who broke him and how he’ll never be able to love again but he doesn’t know why...

What unfolds next is eerily reminiscent of the Twilight scene where Edward broods just enough to persuade Bella into saying the “V” word (and no I don’t mean virgin). Lou repeatedly and admittedly tells me he doesn’t know why he can’t fully connect/trust others, over and over. It was as if he was waiting for another response to attack and defend for the victory. But let’s just be human for a second. I’m a trauma therapist. If you probe a trauma therapist enough she’s going to say the “T” word. I looked at him square in the eye and said:

“It’s sad to me that you don’t see yourself as deserving of love and other positive feelings. Though I’m not surprised these are the results from your line of thought. If you believe, consciously or not, that you are stupid and undeserving of love you will never allow yourself to receive a love that is unconditional and long lasting. That is a self-fulfilling prophecy that prioritizes your safety over loneliness. To be completely honest, you sound like someone who has been traumatized.”

He became speechless. Suddenly, he had no rebuttal. It’s as though some of the fog had finally lifted for him. I continued:

“From what little I’ve learned about you, I’m not shocked by this. Your job as a RT was hard. You saw things no human should be made to witness. And you know what? The way you’re responding to that trauma is a completely human response. It is not your fault that you did not receive the support you needed in that profession to not still carry around some battle scars. You deserve more.”

He became very teary eyed and lost the ability to keep eye contact. I averted my gaze and began respectfully distracting myself with my note until I (finally) finished it. I felt like gloating in that moment. He spoke up a bit later to talk about his shock because he didn’t know it was even possible to become traumatized by one’s profession. We also talked about how complex trauma is and how it’s never truly “one thing”. I then covertly educated him on trauma responses and interventions/treatments while also normalizing his experience. He is one of many medical professionals who are living with PTSD. Mind you, the Covid epidemic has also exacerbated this lived experience too. Nevertheless, given the fact that Lou is a man of his age living in Appalachia and has his own particular set of life experiences, he lacked the emotional intelligence and self-compassion to sit with his pain long enough to see it for what it is and what it’s not (anger). He just needed a little direction and borrowed patience from another human. We all need that from time to time.

With all that being said, you now know that this INFJ’s response to the exhaustive boundary-testing ESTP, Lou, was to do a quick patch on some deeply rooted trauma and therefore silencing him just long enough to finish doing my fucking job. Don’t fuck with me, Lou. Listen, this bastard was brazen enough to be on a phonecall with one of his coworkers that he canoodles with (not Sybil btw) while sitting next to me in our office. He clearly underestimated the abilities of my youthful ears which meant I had to overhear a jealous woman ask about his feelings towards me, a woman he very nearly met. He responds by laughing and I can I tell from my peripheral vision he’s waiting for me to look at him but he again runs out of patience before saying, “I don’t think she has daddy issues.” I sure as hell ignored his existence after that until he later apologized for his inappropriate comment. But also- how kind of him to assume I don’t have any daddy issues after having a father that was an ESTP.

P. S. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t an ego boost to render such an argumentative person speechless and then seeing them on the verge of tears because they finally got the courage to not run from the mirror when they were really just tryna get them some. 😈

P. P. S. Casual not so casual reminder to treat people as the humans they are and not the roles they fulfill, including yourself.

[gcddamnvampire]

@kizhavvorsa gets a lil drabble for the babies

"What the fuck did you do?"

Those were the first words that broke the silence after they all watched Dany pack up her things and leave. Ezra had sat there in surprise, wondering where she could have possibly be going but knowing he had no right to ask. He was still staring at the closed elevator door, feeling guilty over what he had done, though he was still trying to convince himself that he had done the right thing. He reminded himself again and again of the words his family had spoken to him only a week ago. Even his mother, though she'd never really been a part of his life, had found it laughable that he was dating someone. Like everyone at his reunion had thought, they all assumed he must have been paying her for her time — because why else would she be with him?

It took a second to look away from where she'd just left, gaze drifting across the disapproving faces of his coworkers as he searched for who had spoken. Their expressions ranged from confusion to disapproving — though Missandei looked as though she was ready to throw a chair at his face. He finally looked over at Chris, who had reemerged from his office, a frown on his face.

"What are you talking about?" Ezra asked, feigning ignorance. They still hadn't told the office about their relationship and it wasn't any of their business anyway. Though he supposed that the actions that had just occurred would have eluded to something happening between them.

It was Missandei who spoke again, storming over to him and smacking him in the back of the head. "You moron," she snapped. "Do you realize what you've just done? You've just destroyed that poor girl and for what? To keep your options open?"

There was a soft gasp that came from somewhere but Ezra ignored it, rubbing the spot where she'd hit him. "It's not like that," he muttered, frowning.

"Then what is it like?" Chris asked, crossing his arms. "Because it's been clear as day that the two of you have been in love with each other for weeks. So I repeat my question, what did you do?"

"I — " He looked around like he was expecting one of his other coworkers like he was expecting one of them to save him, but they all looked as disapproving as Chris and Missandei did. He had no idea what to say, but surely he didn't need to explain his actions to them. It was none of their business. Besides, this was what was best for her. "Look, I'm doing her a favor. She'll realize that I'm not good enough for her eventually and get over me."

Missandei hit him again.

"Goddammit. What was that for?"

"I always thought you were smart but you've just proven that you're a fucking idiot," she hissed. "I have no idea what kind of insecurities you have or what's been going through that thick head of yours, but you don't get to decide what's good enough for someone. She does, and she chose you. She fell in love with you. And now not only did you throw it all away, but you broke her heart. I'm afraid she'll never recover."

He let her words sink in, not sure what to say. Had he really made a huge mistake? Had he let his family twist the truth and make him think that he was worthless? A realization dawned on him them. Why did he ever listen to them anyway? They were barely a part of his life. They never got to know him, they didn't know the type of person he was. But Dany did. She knew him better than anyone else and Missandei was right. Why hadn't he believed it when she confessed her feelings for him?

Now what the hell was he going to do?

Before he could say anything, Chris spoke again. "Dude, I have no idea how you're going to fix this but you'd better fucking try. I've seen the look in your eyes, I know you love her too."

There was a beat of silence before Ezra got to his feet. "I need to go." He saw his boss emerge from his office and watched as he nodded his head, silently giving him the permission he needed. Ezra had no idea what he was going to do, how he could possibly gain her forgiveness, but Chris was right. He had to try. Fuck, why did he always do shit like this? What was wrong with him?

"She's going to London," he heard Missandei say as he began to gather his things. Turning his head, he watched her scribble something onto a piece of paper and hand it to him. An address. "You'd better grovel. Hands and knees, the whole nine yards. And I still don't even know it that will be enough."

Ezra nodded in thanks, taking the paper and tucking it in his pocket. Chris gave him a pat on the shoulder as he passed and headed to the elevator, trying to figure out how in the world he was going to get the love of his life back.

[thedysphoriadiaries]

Entry 38B- 30 March 2023, 6:30pm - 3 April 2023, 1:12am

I intended to write this on the 30th of March, but I couldn't find the words to put down. Now that I have, four days later, it's here.

Part I: The steps not taken

Are these not steps that you've taken?

Joining a community of people like me. Growing my hair out. Trying out new fashion. Trying out new names, and pronouns. Questioning. All this in the span of five and a half months.

Yet, I can't help but feel that they aren't steps. Just... almost... a logical procession of things, in some way, shape, or form.

Recognizing that I've had weird feelings (almost like romantic or sexual attraction) to women, for most of my life led me to question if it was normal - there was no way that I could have felt romantic or sexual attraction to basically every woman in my life whom I have been around for some time, or see with some frequency (including family, coworkers, classmates, teachers, and sometimes, even strangers).

Isn't it normal to question something that seems abnormal? It sure is, in my eyes, and I don't count that as steps taken (at least, from my point of view), since I didn't put in effort to find out, or ask around about what was wrong. I just... did, the same way that one would ask a question if they were curious. The levee broke under the weight of unanswered questions - a logical procession.

So, then, what does that say about my desire not to be a guy? What could it be telling me?

I tried to be one, after all.

Part II: Versions of me.

There was a time when I used to... roll with being a guy, making dick jokes, and stuff. There was a time when I cut my hair short. A time when I'd make my voice go as deep as humanly possible.

That was over five years ago.

And now, with the extra years and wisdom under my belt, as I watch others go through life, I wonder what that was about. Something that my ex-partner would have told me, and something I tell myself, is that I used to be okay with being a guy.

So... what happened in that time? Was I shown how the other side of the binary lived? I'm starting to think I was, and not just on a daily, transitionary, hi-bye level, like the times when I'd go to school and get 'crushes' over my female companions. I was shown it on an intimate level, when I entered a relationship with my ex-partner. I saw for myself how she led her life. I wanted that slice of life for myself.

Is that wrong? On one hand, I'd argue that it's human to want something that you don't have, and on the other, I'd argue that what you envy is kind of telling about what you're lacking, or what is going on in your life.

It's entirely possible that what I'm lacking is love. It's entirely possible that what I'm lacking is purpose. Or drive. Or strength. Or other things.

Yet, I don't know what's missing.

Someone asked me to just accept myself. I could do that, and a part of me wants to do so, but that nagging question, and the reminders of how male I am when I look at the women I'd rather be (which are everywhere around me), remind me why it's so hard to do so. I don't need to be conventionally pretty. I could be a completely average girl and be fine with it.

I... am on the verge of tears every morning nowadays, wondering what's wrong with me. Why my mind works like this. It's why I choose not to look at my body. As much as I have accepted that it is male, I don't need to have reminders rubbed into my face. It's how people will see me, and, regrettably, I don't have much choice in the matter (unless I somehow start training my voice and stuff).

I don't even want to look at people anymore. I don't know how the guys live life as guys (I'm fine with it among my close friends, but being perceived as a guy in society? I don't know how they do it. I genuinely don't know). Yet, I lament over the existence that I want, but won't get, due to how I was born, whenever I look at women.

I pray for clarity. I pray for reprieve.

I wonder what version of me this is. It could be the version of me that is going through some delusion.

It could be a version of me that is actually undergoing a gender crisis.

It could just be another phase. A version of me who thinks they know better than others. (and it's true that you know yourself better than others do, but even one has their own blind spots when it comes to introspection)

But this could be something to stay. Something that's been there since I was seven, and still affects me to this day, thirteen years later, is bound to be something big.

...

But I am a guy.

I wonder if I really am one, sometimes. Unlike other people, who knew at a young age, that they were not of their AGAB, I didn't know that (I don't remember what I was like before I entered school). I don't know what happened, but I suppose I rolled with it until recently. Maybe I got shamed out of it, over the years, little by little.

I wonder if that sentence was borne out of a look at the immutable part of me: that my body is that of a guy's. And because of that, whatever I do can only be an approximation of what a girl would do. Even that satisfies me sometimes.

An example would be my hair. I spent over a year growing it out. It will be four years before I get to have this hair again. I don't know what to think about it. Just... nothingness.

Futility. Life will happen, whether I want it to, or not.

Part III: The path forward.

What do I do? I... know that I don't want to be a guy, but what is it telling me?

The call with my ex-partner gave me some level of insight into the matter; femininity could be some form of forbidden fruit for me, which could explain why I am so... drawn in by it. Then again, the way that I understand the forbidden fruit is that it's something that one wants, or is tempted into having by another - an allusion to Adam and Eve, in The Book of Genesis, who were tempted by the serpent to eat of the fruit of knowledge.

They both knew it was wrong, but yet, got tempted by the serpent, and ate of the fruit of knowledge, and saw that they were naked. For the knowledge, they were cast out of the Garden of Eden, forced to spend their days in this mortal coil. (I swear I'm not religious, I just used to read religious texts back in the day)

It could be me not wanting to be myself anymore, for reasons other than gender.

Am I idealizing the (trans) female experience? Am I trying to be someone other than myself?

I could be. Depression makes one's worldview particularly warped. I remember being with my (all-female) group assigned to me for my final year project, and wanting to be a part of them, yet knowing that I had to stay my hand; I was not one of them. It was something I learnt after trying to be one of the girls one too many times, I suppose. Either that, or it was because I was getting too comfortable with them when I wasn't one of them. Either way, I don't remember. I won't use this as evidence in my consideration.

Then again, as I sit here, two days later, typing this, presenting as her (it's pretty casual home attire with a hoodie on, nothing overtly sexual, or whatnot), I wonder how much of this is true. What used to be euphoria (and parts of me getting hard) has been replaced by a sense of calm - I notice how my lips tend themselves upwards ever so slightly. Something that I rarely, if ever, genuinely do at rest.

Will this be enough?

I think about how I saw my body in the reflection in the train station's gantry. My arms... looked too... male. But those were the arms I was fine with, just a couple of years ago. What happened?

Was I, like Adam and Eve, tempted by the prospect of living life as the opposite gender?

Maybe. But until I attain some clarity, I won't do anything about it. Just cover myself up.

I try not to think too much about my masculine features - it's why i shave myself (especially the tufts of hair under my chin), to the point it's smooth, no matter how I stroke my chin. The razor bites into my skin (but doesn't nick it) whenever I do that, and I wonder if I should zap the hairs dead. Would some part of me die with that?

That would be something permanent, and I'm scared. Scared that that isn't me.

What, or who, am I, then?

...

I'm unsure of myself now. I see my name while I scroll through a long chat with a trans woman - the one who helped me see that what I was going through wasn't typical of cis people.

Sherlyn. (for legal purposes I still use my government-registered name, which is NOT this)

If I don't get to name myself that, I'll give that name to my daughter (if I ever have one). She deserves to be loved, unconditionally. (even then, how unconditional is unconditional love, and how am I sure I'm not imprinting my expectations onto her, or living through her?)

But I am a guy.

I wonder if I really am one, sometimes. Unlike other people, who knew at a young age, that they were not of their AGAB, I didn't know that (I don't remember what I was like before I entered school). I don't know what happened, but I suppose I rolled with it until recently. Maybe I got shamed out of it, over the years, little by little.

I wonder if that sentence was borne out of a look at the immutable part of me: that my body is that of a guy's.

It will be four years before I get to have this hair again. I don't know what to think about it.

...

Until then, I will try to find myself, in the liminal space between what I know I am, what I know I'm not, and what I know I want to be.

...

cool song time:

another (really, really) cool song:

[semitascriptorum]

Flash Fiction Twelve: Solace in Sunset

Looking at the rope and chair I setup, I can't help but think back on all the memories I've shared with him as I watch the setting sun from my window for the last time. The sunset will always remind me of him.

The ABC Model stands for Antecedents, Behavior, and Consequences. The Antecedents are the reason behind the attitude of a person. This is a series of past events that are at the root of the person's conduct. Behavior is the action that follows the antecedent. This determines why a person behaves in a particular way after a certain antecedent has occurred. Lastly, consequences are the outcome of the person’s behavior. Example of antecedent is when you grow up in a toxic household where your parents always fight. Your behavior for that antecedent is you neglected your studies and started drinking or smoking. As a consequence, you feel like you’re going nowhere in life. Whose fault do you think it is, the antecedent or the behavior?

I glanced out of the Disciplina Café’s window after I read about the ABC Model and saw that the sun was about to set. Thinking about my answer to the question, I think the antecedent is at fault. We should always look into the roots of the problem, which are the antecedents of a person. We all have different ways of coping up, we shouldn’t blame nor judge people for their behavior because doing so invalidates their coping mechanism.

I’m currently a first-year BS Psychology student and I’m here at Disciplina Café to study for my upcoming exams. Ironic, because I chose this course to study a person's mental health to find answers and heal myself.

I’m in deep thoughts when I heard someone call my name. “A!”, it was Hades and Fely, my only circle of friends. I noticed an unfamiliar man behind them, probably Hades’ friend from Civil Engineering.

I waved at them and smiled as I watch them sit. “A, this is Calix Jandrik Zamora, he’s my friend and also the top 1 in our batch. CJ, meet Ashtherielle Amari del Fierro, she’s also the top student in BS Psychology.” CJ offered his hand and I gladly shook it.

With the setting sun behind him, I met the guy who I didn’t expect I’d find solace with.

Everything that happened after I met him was a blur. The only thing that’s clear on my mind is when I was in my second year and he was in his third, he finally asked me to be his girlfriend. Just like the day I first met him, the sunset behind him was our view as I said "yes" to him.

He proved how deserving he is to be part of my life by climbing the high walls I had surrounded myself with. When I'm with him, I'm at peace. It’s as if everything is fine and I have no problems to face at home. But I cannot escape my reality…

“I already saw you, yet you still have the audacity to deny it?!” I heard my mom shout as I enter our house. I still couldn’t grow accustomed to coming home to this scene every day.

"I told you, she's my coworker! Why do you keep insisting that I have a relationship with her when I don't?!” My dad shouted back. He’s cheating on my mom again. I was ten years old when he first had his affair. I remember how traumatizing it was for me to witness him doing the nasty with his other woman. It was a scene that my young heart and mind couldn’t handle. I started to drift away from him starting on that day. It was also the day my mother stopped caring for me because she was busy dealing with her own pain.

I didn’t mind them and just went into my room, away from all of the shouting and fighting. This is the only safe place for me in this house. A house that’s supposed to be my home but I just couldn’t consider it as one.

The ABC Model, my antecedent was the shattered relationship of my parents. I consider my behavior as both positive and negative. I focused on my studies to make them proud, but I also had suicidal tendencies. Growing up in a household where I was unable to receive the love and support that I needed may be the reason why I suffer from mental illnesses. My consequences include being the top student in our batch and the scars I have on my wrist.

CJ and I were watching the sunset. I noticed how heavy his aura is today. I’ve been waiting for him to tell me his problem but I don’t think he has a plan to. “Are you okay?” I asked him. “What’s our problem, love?” I noticed the unshed tears in his eyes and when he looked at me, he cried.

“I discovered today that I’m an illegitimate child. That explains why my mom treats me differently from my brothers.” I said nothing and just hugged him because I believe that’s what he needs most.

Days and months passed, I noticed how he became cold and uncaring. I feel like we are slowly drifting apart but I understand because I know he’s in pain. I went to his condo around 5:30 p.m. to cook dinner for him but what I saw shocked me. My solace sitting in his couch while kissing another girl. The man I entrusted my heart with broke it as the sun was setting.

Cheating…the reason why I surrounded myself with high walls. I don’t want to experience the same pain my mom felt because of my dad. But I guess we couldn’t control everything…

I smiled while remembering the memories I had with the people who were once my solace and peace but eventually became the reason of my suffering. “You still lived a good life.” I whispered before darkness swallowed my consciousness.

[absolutelyfizzing]

little dove

loki x reader

description - Loki acted so caring around you, more so than anyone else in his life. He loved to take care of you, especially when you had a long day, and he got teased by some of the team for it.

warnings - fem reader, cute loki and pet names, implications of gender fluid loki?, reader gets picked up, slight implications of a nsfw theme the night before

word count - 1900

A/N - this is a pretty plotless blurb but i just love this man, i have been obsessed with the new series and just wanted to write anything about him. i will inevitably be writing for him more so please end me now. there are no spoilers for the new series and it takes place in an AU after new york but pretty much otherwise out of timeline. all the avengers live at the compound together, endgame didnt happen and no i wont talk about it.

MASTERLIST

Loki was not someone who was overly friendly. To most of the people in the compound, he was courteous at best. That rule, however, was bent occasionally. The only exceptions were you and his brother (some of the time). He had been smitten with you the moment he saw you though he would never admit it. You were bubbly and light and the exact opposite of him. You were so friendly and kind that it almost made him want to be the same.

You were kind to him, which he was shocked by. Most of the people in the compound tolerated him but they were never caught being too nice. You, on the other hand, were friendly to him the day you met him.

You weren't an Avenger, you weren't really even a fighter. You were a genius in the medical field as well as the unofficial caretaker of everyone on the team. You made sure that they all ate, they didn't overwork themselves, that they were getting enough sleep every night because they were your closest friends. Everyone listened to you. You had this power over them all that they just wanted to make sure you were happy and that meant they wanted to do what you asked of them. They tried their best to take care of you as well.

When you met Loki and were very nice to him, he expected some ulterior motive. He assumed that there was something you wanted or that you would gain his trust and then humiliate him later. So he kept his guard up. This was proved wrong over the months to come. He noticed that you were that kind to everyone and you were just happy to be around other people. He let you in over time.

You became the only person who he opened up to, even more than his brother. You would keep him company even when he lashed out at others and when he was filled with guilt. You forgave him for his past without question and opened up to him as well. It took probably 3 months for Loki to realize that he was in love with you.

He couldn't believe himself. In love with a midgardian? What was he thinking?

But it was undeniable and uncontrollable. He just couldn't help himself. You would read to him and watch movies with him. You would braid his hair when he was stressed and would teach him how to cook when he asked. You were just everything to him. It took him a long time to confess. He was terrified that you would reject him. You could have had anyone you wanted, why would you choose him?

When he did confess, you were thrilled and he couldn't believe it. You kissed him and he thought he could die happy right then and there. He had never felt this much love for anyone besides his mother.

You continued to break his walls down and he fell deeper in love with you every day. He didn't, however, change his behavior towards others very much. He had grown closer to the team, having regained some trust from them all. He was no longer aggressive and he tried very hard not to lash out. Most of that was out of his own desire to be trusted. He realized that he was going to have to make his life work to remain with you and he slowly learned that most of the people in the compound weren't actually as awful as he might have originally guessed. That didn't mean that his personality changed toward them though. He was still slightly cold and short. He wouldn't smile too much and he was what some might call grumpy most of the time.

That only changed around you and everyone noticed. Loki got teased for it constantly and he couldn't care less. He just wanted to make you happy and he had no regard for what anyone thought of your relationship.

He was waiting patiently in the common area of the compound on the couch. Steve and Rhodey were sat on the couch watching something that Loki didn't recognize or care for, it was some kind of reality TV. When he heard the elevator door open he looked toward the door and you were walking towards him. A grin spread over his face and his posture relaxed. He could hear the men on the couch scoff at his sudden change in demeanor. When you got close to him he picked you up and pulled you to straddle his hips on his lap and immediately began kissing all over you. You buried your face in his chest and he kissed your hair.

"How are you, my love?" He mumbled sweetly and you hummed. "Long day?" he questioned and you nodded in affirmation. "Lets go get you some food then, yes?" He asked lightly and you hummed happily. He picked you up and you clung to him, arms and legs wrapping around him. He carried you with ease toward the kitchen. It shocked you sometimes how much he could lift and how easily he lifted you but you had to remind yourself that he was indeed a god.

"How come you never treat us that way?" Rhodey called from the couch and Loki grumbled a bit.

"Oh I'm sorry did you want me to pick you up and make you some tea?" He asked sarcastically and you giggled from where your face was pressed into his chest. He smiled at the fact that he had gotten you to laugh and he set you on the countertop. He tried to pull away to make you some food but you did not let him leave you, still holding on to the front of the shirt that he was wearing. "Do you want to talk about your day?" He asked sweetly, kissing your forehead lightly. You gazed up at him lovingly and his heart skipped a beat.

"I'm just tired. People are annoying and I didn't exactly sleep much last night." You winked at the last part. He smirked at your comment.

"I'm sorry, my love. I was under the impression that you enjoyed what we did last night but I would be happy to give you plenty of time to sleep tonight if that's what you would prefer." he teased and you punched him lightly in the chest.

"Okay fine you're right, I like getting kept up." You confessed. You paused for a moment and his eyes remained on you as he waited patiently for you to continue. "I was mistaken for an intern again today. You would think that after over a year of working here that people would recognize my name and my work but today there were some new investors walking through the facility. When they came to look at my work they started to talk to one of my coworkers and then turned to me to ask me to get them a coffee order while they waited for the doctor to arrive." You grumbled, your mood now sour at the memory. Loki frowned and he felt his anger begin to take shape inside of him. His eyes flashed green for a moment.

"Would you like me to go and teach them a lesson? Perhaps just to mildly terrify them?" he asked, fully serious. That cheered you up plenty and you chuckled. Loki knew that you were laughing because of the absurdity of his statement and the fact that he was dead serious but he was just happy to see you smile again. "I will never understand the midgardian obsession with gender roles. Though I suppose my own identity is more fluid than most asgardians as well." He confessed and you brought your hand to rest on the side of his face. He leaned his head into your hand as he beamed at you. You loved when he compared his home to yours. It reminded you just how powerful he was and that he still chose to spend his days with you. There was suddenly a flash of green before he held his hand out to you, now holding a bouquet of your favorite flowers. When you gasped and moved to grab them he slipped from your grasp to move towards the refrigerator.

"Hey that's not fair, you tricked me." You pouted at him, now grumbling that you couldn't hold him anymore.

"Little dove, I cannot make you food when you hold onto me. When I am finished cooking then you can stay with me for as long as you would like." He promised and you nodded solemnly. He quickly pressed another kiss to your cheek before moving around the kitchen to prepare you waffles as he often did when you were having a long day. You observed the beautiful flowers in your hand and watched him as he moved around the kitchen, a million times more comfortable than he had been when he first moved into the compound. You talked contentedly with the people passing by as well as the man who was diligently trying to improve your mood. Occasionally one of the other team members would walk by and laugh a bit at how caring he was acting toward you, all of them just happy you were content though. Eventually Thor stopped by while Loki put some batter into the waffle iron and sliced some fruit.

"You know, this is the happiest I have ever seen him." He stated simply, a smile in is voice.

"It's the happiest I've been too." You responded with a small grin.

"The last time I saw him open up to someone the way that he opens up to you was on Asgard with our mother. She would be happy to see him being so vulnerable again." He patted your back and walked away as tears started to come to your eyes. The brothers would talk of their mother sometimes and Loki often mention the fact that he believed she would have loved you, if not for your own personality then for what you did for her son. You wished that you could meet her.

You were suddenly taken out of your thoughts by someone handing you a plate of waffles and sliced up fruit with a little container of syrup on the side. You looked up at Loki and nearly cried right there. You put the plate aside for a moment to reach out and pull him into a crushing hug. He was a bit startled but responded quickly, a hand going to the back of your head and his fingers brushing through your hair soothingly.

"Did something happen, my love?" He asked softly and you sniffled a bit.

"Just love you and I'm very thankful for everything you do for me." You got out and he affirmed to himself that he would die for you in an instant.

"I love you too, darling, but I slaved away at those waffles and now they are getting cold." He teased and he kissed your hair gently. You took a deep breath before pulling away, looking up at him with love. You smiled and then hopped off of the counter. He walked with you over to the dining table where he sat next to you and serenely waited as you ate, the food lifting your spirits a bit and easing your anxiety of the day. You planned on spending the rest of it with the man next to you as well as every day after that.

[floraltypes]

Old Beginning Pt. 2

pairings - aaron hotchner x reader, jethro gibbs x reader

chapters - one 

summary - the news of a dinner party arrises, but there are some little challenges before the actually night

wc - 3k

an - sorry this took awhile, my summer is over and my writing schedule will be a little wonky now. i’m taking a break from answering requests, so I apologize if I haven’t answered yours, but i eventually will

Penelope and you both looked back at Aaron, taken back by his repeating of the word ‘boyfriend’. You didn’t plan on telling people so soon, considering he was your boss from your old line of work.

“I want to know everything about him, you have to invite him!” Penelope quickly went back into her loud chatting, attracting other faces at her comment. “I also may have mentioned to some of the team that you do have a boyfriend, it just slipped! You know I can’t keep secrets!”

“It’s okay, Pene,” You smiled softly. “I can’t invite him though, you know, since I’m not the one holding the dinner event.”

“You can invite your partner, everyone else can as well, considering it is a catch up,” Dave walked over, a cup of coffee in his own hand as he used the other to scratch at his stubble. “I’ll even invite the woman I’ve been seeing. Feel free to all bring a plus one, I have enough room and everyone deserves a taste of my Italian dishes, will change their lives.”

“Thank you, Rossi, but I simply can’t. It’s so soon, and he’s such a busy man,” You laughed, waving your hand. “It was a kind gesture though.”

“L/n, don’t tell us you’re embarrassed to show your new boyfriend to us?” Derek walked back over, poking your shoulder. “Penelope told all of us down here, just wanted to wait and see when you would tell us.”

“I’m not embarrassed, that’s absurd. He’s truly busy.”

“Invite him, I’ll make sure Will comes and hire a babysitter for Henry, so that we can truly have a adult night,” JJ chuckled. “Everyone is bringing a date, so it would be odd if you didn’t.”

“Actually, I don’t have a partner at the moment due to how invested I am in my studies and the factors of that many young woman my age only focus on the factor of conventional attractiveness rather then the complexity of brains and deep-”

“Don’t worry, Spencer, if you don’t have a date, then I’ll just bring two,” Emily joked. “You don’t need a date, I’m not bringing one either, but Y/n is for sure.”

“I’ll be like the tw-”

“You are dating someone, we aren’t, so you’ll bring that someone. Come on, L/n,” Emily continued on, grabbing your hand and pulling you away. “I’ll walk you out,” She turned back to wink at her coworkers, leading you to the elevator and soon the parking lot.

“Aaron,” Rossi looked towards his friend, a man who had his glare fixated on your exiting figure. “Will you bring Beth, the more the merrier.”

“Yeah, I suppose I will,” He answered, retrieving his cellphone from his pocket, pulling up her contact picture, thumb hovering over the call button. “Let’s finish up this work, so we call all get home.” He shoved it back in his pocket, commanding everyone else while moving back up the stairs to his office.

Meanwhile, you were outside of your car, looking at Emily still was right by your side.

“Bring your boyfriend,” She commented, watching as you fished for your keys and unlocked your car. “I want to meet him, I haven’t really talked to you in a long time.”

“We’re both so busy. Him as well.”

“Seriously, Y/n, I’m not gonna ease up on you. I’ve noticed the new tint in your eye, new considering the last time it was severely dulled. It’s amazing to see your real smile again, you closer to your old self despite the past losses. He really has helped you, so I want to meet the man who helped my dear friend so much.”

You contemplated her kind words, getting down to the point that everyone probably was happy to see you again, yourself physically and mentally.

“I’ll call him, see if he can come. Can’t promise anything, his work is very important to him, so if it needs him he’s there.”

Emily smiled widely, leaning over to kiss your cheek before you moved to open the front door and start your car.

“Great, I’m actually bringing someone. Poor Spencer might be the only one.”

“Aaron is as well?”

“Hotch, yeah,” She laughed. “Meet her at some track meet he had, Jack really likes her.”

“That’s good, I’ll see you soon then,” You smiled, shutting the door as Emily watched you back out, waving a small goodbye.

Leaving the facility, while at a stop light, you found your flip phone, finding the contact of Jethro and quickly dialing the number.

“Gibbs,” He answered.

“Hey, are you on a case?”

“No, are you driving?”

“Yes, safely. What are you doing? Building a boat,” You chuckled, imagining him in the basement with the tool and sweaty shirt.

“Yeah. Did you meet up with your old team today?”

“Mhm, all surprised to see me today. It was humorous in a sense. But, Rossi invited me and everyone to a dinner, telling us to bring a partner.”

“Who are you planning on bringing?”

“You.”

“So, we’re being more public with our relationship?”

“Just with the old team, my old team, they don’t have contact with anyone apart of NCIS, or at least not personal only professional.”

“I thought you were going to come and see me, instead of making me drive,” You could almost sense his smile on the other line, a mocking one.

Gibbs would obviously accept the offer, the man truly holding a strong affection for you, a soft spot personally for you, so he would agree to drive the hour or two.

But just because he would, it doesn’t mean he didn’t have to mess around a bit, act like he wouldn’t.

“I know, but then you can see my new apartment. And after this weekend, who knows when we’ll be able to see each other again. Both of our jobs involved sporadic cases that start and end at no specific time, hard to plan around. And, everyone is pressuring me to meet you.”

“I’m already popular, huh?”

“I suppose,” You huffed, rubbing your temple, exhaustion starting to take over you, wanting to get some rest, a calming bath to combat earlier feelings that seemed as if they were creeping up once again.

“I’ll come, don’t worry. Get home safe, call me when you have the address and date.”

“Okay, bye.” You hung up, tossing the phone onto the empty seat as you continued to drive, playing the music from the CD already inserted in your car.

Time leading up to the dinner seemed to fly by, especially considering that it wasn’t much time and you weren’t having to work. You decided to take the free time to get fully settled in, figure out your nerves, make a phone call to your therapist, and even read. Trying to get prepared for all the days that are to come.

Your hair was now being changed from its normal du to a new one, fancier in a sense. Applying a nice coat of makeup, new lip color, trying a new pallet and the old eyelash curler that hasn’t been used in a while, you finished ‘upgrading’ your face. A outfit was simple, considering you didn’t have many fancy ones, so with not much to choose, it was a quick decision.

Sliding that on and fixing the straps to be a bit tighter, messing with the bra to fit correctly, and pulling it down a bit, you grabbed your go to purse, shoving needed materials a into it as you moved to the kitchen.

Within the kitchen, there was a certain door within the wall of the pantry with a password. Quickly typing in the combination the door swung open, choosing between a small but handy knife, you put in the pocket of your bag.

You weren’t too worried about dangers at the dinner, but with years of catching/fighting murders, specific people after you, and even very powerful assassins, you carried certain weapons for safety.

Hearing the sturdy knock of someone’s knuckles on your front door, you rushed to shut the the secret door in the pantry, heading to your front door where someone was waiting.

A quick peak through the hole, your eyes widened in surprise and opened the door, allowing the man to walk in.

“I wasn’t expecting to see you, till uh, later tonight,” You mentioned, looking him up and down to see him more dressed up. “Are you not able to attend anymore?”

“No, I’m still going,” Hotch denied, sliding off his shoes and following you to the couch. “I just wanted to chat before than, a chance for just the two of us.”

“Is something wrong?” You walked over to your teapot, filling it with water, and placing it on your stove, heating up the water. “This is very unexpected.”

“Nothing is wrong. I just want to talk to you, see the apartment, hear what’s new with you.”

“Things,” You shrugged. “Obviously I’ve had a new job experience, similar in ways and also not. Grew closer with a new group of teammates, people, lost a few. Yeah, lost a few,” You repeated, remembering Jenny Shepard, even Kate, both amazing women, who did amazing things.

“That’s always hard, I guess my most recent loss was Haley,” Aaron hummed, soon the kettle making a high pitched noise, you rushing to take it off and grab some tea bags.

“She was also a amazing woman. Wonderful mother, cared so much for that little boy.”

“She really was.”

“Did you come to chat about her, it’s been a while since we had. Last time we really talked was five months after she passed, after the funeral.”

“It really has been that long?” Aaron questioned, taking the tea that you time handed him. “But it’s not the reason I came. I should have made more of a effort to keep in touch, after your transfer, after your loss.”

“You stayed with me for three months, allowing to lose some time with your son so you could change my dirty sheets and pick up all my snotty tissues,” You laughed, sitting down across from him with your own cup. “You had to get back to your family, make up for loss time.”

“You still helped me with my divorce during that time, and I still saw Jack,” He reminded you.

“I could’ve moved in with my father, but you allowed me not to do that.”

“Your father is a good man, but might not be the best to live with,” He laughed, a deep chuckle, something you didn’t see much. “You look nice.”

“Now you just notice,” You chuckle, taking another sip. “Thank you, you look nice as well. I was actually just going to call Jethro and tell him to meet me there, a bit of a drive and he isn’t happy about having to find a new team,” You spoke freely, feeling comfortable with the old friend, one you used to spill everything to years ago, him ranting to you too.

“Jethro? He has his own team? Sounds like a boss of some type.”

“Uh, technically. It’s complicated. I need to get going, to make it to the dinner on time and, finish, um, cleaning up my room before leaving.”

“I could take you there.”

“No thanks, I’ll see you there, bye.” You helped guide him to the door, a curt wave before he exited and shut it, locking it in a rush and moving back to the dining room table to clean the mugs.

You didn’t want to tell him all that, always insecure due to Gibbs being the prior boss of you and how people looked at that. Rumors were always spread about your and Aaron’s relationship, mostly about it being romantic.

Joining the team, you two easily hit it off due to your personalities. Always being filled with determination and stubbornness, refusing to give up till everything was done and right, even with files. Eventually you joined together, talked, spent most days with each other due to cases, and truly gained a very close friendship.

When rumors were getting around, glares were thrown your way, comments, left out by members who weren’t your immediate teams. People thought you were the cause of Haley and Aaron’s divorce, somehow word got around quickly, drama always does.

It was frustrating, already dealing with many different things at home, and even being in a relationship, it put so much unneeded stress and anxiety onto you.

So, getting into a relationship with Gibbs was a very reluctant thing on your part, he expressed his feelings first, but it was hard to accept them, despite the nerves he faced to do it.

Locking up the apartment, having all of your items with you, you made your way out the door and too your car, starting the drive to David’s house.

Upon arriving, you could hear light chatter in the home, lights on, and soothing music playing in the background. It sounded like everyone was having their fun, you couldn’t make out all the shadows of everyone indoors, just waiting outside for Jethro to arrive.

“Y/n?” You turned around at the sound of his voice, keys jingling in his hands as he walked up to you with a sly smile, shoving them in his pockets to place his arms around your waist. “What’s wrong, love?” Be snaked them around, a kiss to your somewhat clothed shoulder.

“Nothing, just a bit nervous to introduce you to everyone,” You smiled back at him, he squeezed a little tighter, catching your lips in a quick kiss. “Looking at your team, yet?”

“Nevermind that,” He grumbled, removing his hands to now interlace your left one with his right. “We should go in, right?”

“Maybe we could head back, to my place, say you are sick or something?” You looked back at him with a pleading look, to which he just chuckled at, starting to move to the front door, pressing the doorbell as you groaned a little.

“You’ll be fine,” He looked back at you as Rossi answered the door, cheerful smile on his lips, glass of scotch in hand as he moved out of the way to let you in.

“Ah! Y/n!” He cheered, leaning over to kiss your cheek and then pulled back. “Glad you made it! This must be…”

“Y/n! Oh where is the man?” Penelope rushed in, coming right by you with her own fruity drink, then leaning to whisper in your ear. “Is this him, oo!”

“Uh, Jethro that’s David,” You pointed to the man who first greeted you, him and Jethro shaking hands. “This is Penelope, the one kind of like Abby,” You smiled, as she gave you a little look, turning back and enveloping him in a little hug. She quickly turned back to you.

“He looks a little intimidating,” She whispered as you just laughed.

“For sure,” You nodded.

“Can I offer you a drink?” David turned to you two, gesturing to the one in his hand. “Something like Garcia for you Y/n, and what about you Jethro?”

“Just call me Gibbs, and yeah that’s fine,” He corrected Rossi, taking your hand as the two of you walked more inside of the magnificent house.

It truly was so well designed, very expensive, and the appetizers adorning the oak wood table looked very delicious. You wanted to go and grab a bite, before you were actually led to the living room where everyone was currently sitting.

“L/n, finally made it,” Derek laughed, beer in his hand as he pointed at you with a little chuckle. “You always know how to be a bit late.”

“Fashionably late, I believe that’s what it’s called,” JJ corrected them with her own wine glass in hand, Will sat right besides her on one of the couch as most of them in that room joined in laughter.

“What can I say?” You laughed, walking over, feeling less nervous with the factor of introducing your boyfriend, taking a seat on another couch in the large room, Jethro automatically sitting right besides you.

“So, introduce us,” Emily motioned over to Jethro, sly smile playing on her lips.

“This is Jethro, but he goes by Gibbs, and, uh, this is the team,” You started to name everyone off while pointing to them, leaving off a few names due to your members introducing their own partners to you.

Emily, Derek, and JJ had all brought partners. Spencer and Penelope decided to ‘go together’ as if they were partners, and Hotch hadn’t arrived yet. Rossi also had his girlfriend helping him cook in the kitchen, making drinks for you and Gibbs now.

“So, you work at NCIS, right?” Spencer questioned. “The Naval Criminal Investigative Service, very interesting considering the type of crimes you investigate. I would love to hear more about some of your cases and how you went about it,” Spencer smiled, a small notebook being pulled out of his pocket with a pen.

“Yeah,” Gibbs just nodded, looking at you a little questioning, which you just chuckled at.

“Why should we talk so much about work, it’s something we all do too much of,” You joked, everyone laughing, as Dave came back out, handing some drinks.

“Fine, fine, what do you do for fun Mr. Gibbs?” Derek asked, putting a arm over the couch and pulling his girl closer to his side, the woman just on her phone.

“I like to build boats, a type of hobbie I’ve been doing for years.”

“Building boats? Where?” Will wondered, intertwining his fingers with JJ.

“My basement, a private workspace.”

“How do you get it out then?” Penelope inquired, now back by Spencer and her face in her hand, leaning closer to show her interest in Gibbs statement.

“I’d be no fun if you knew that,” He shrugged, taking a drink with a small smile as Penelope gasped, Emily mouthing how ‘I like him’. It was sweet how everything was going well.

They all continued to converse with Gibbs, easily accepting him apart of the conversation, it was sweet and you were now on your second drink, practically all nerves gone.

“Sorry we’re late,” A voice mentioned in the hallway, dressed in a fine suit with a beautiful woman standing besides him. He shrugged off the last of his coat as he hung it up, taking her hand and walking into the hallway a little.

“This is such a nice place, Aaron. Oh! Your friend, wow, so grand,” The woman admired, now truly getting in your line of sight.

“Yeah,” He mumbled, eyes interlocking with yours before falling onto Gibbs. “I’m Aaron, call me Hotch.”

“I’m Gibbs,” Your boyfriend stood up, moving over to the other man with his hand stuck out. “Call me that.”

You had a feeling this evening wouldn’t be as smooth as you hoped.

——————

taglist - @wolviesbabes @hotch-meeeeeuppppp

(comment to be added, or a tag list for all my gibbs post)

[jinned]

payback’s a bliss | taehyung  | m

snippet: “This is going to sound so cliché,” Taehyung starts after too many seconds of awkward silence pass between the four of you, “but this is not what it looks like.”

pairing: taehyung x female reader, seokjin x jeon soyeon from (g)-idle

genre: smut, slight angst, slight fluff

au: coworker, office, valentine’s day, strangers to lovers to friends (s2l2f)

rating: explicit/18+

word count: 9.6k

warnings: y/n and taehyung get dumped :(, seokjin and soyeon are heckin annoying, gross pda, no one does any work in this office, dirty dancing, trash talk, sabotage :)

sexual warnings: voyerism!! sex without orgasming, uncompleted sex, office sex, public sex!, protected sex, lots of hand roaming wink wink, taehyung dig bick gang, lots of makin out!, table sex, slight choking, scratching, smol strip tease, dirty talk, they both question if they really want to do this for the right reason, the sex is kinda short tbh so not much actually happens,

a/n: banner made by @kimtaehyunq​!!! thank you so much maggie!! and thank you for asking me to be a part of your collab! i’ve had so much fun writing this! thank you to @feliix​ and @ughseoks​ for the endless amount of support from both of you

this is mostly unedited :( i’m sorry

this is a part of the be my bangtanvine collab! make sure to check out all of the other amazing stories!

The sharp edges of the invitation card threaten to prick through your skin as you grip it too tightly. Seokjin and Soyeon are currently skipping about the office, merrily handing out an invitation to every co-worker insight to their fabulous Valentine's Day party they'll be throwing. 

"And we got it approved by the big man to host it here! Everyone must come!" Soyeon’s shrill voice echoes throughout the padded cubicles. 

A groan slips past your lips before you can stop it. Normally you'd be down for office parties and festivities, you're a fun gal after all. But the idea of attending a Valentine's Day party that your ex-boyfriend is hosting with his "newer and better other half" just doesn't sound as appealing as one might think.

You desperately want to crumple the invitation in your fist and you outwardly seethe as Soyeon clutches onto Seokjin's chest as she leans into him with laughter, him naturally moving with her, chest rumbling before placing a passionate kiss on the top of her head. In a gross quirky fashion, Soyeon kicks up one of her feet, giggling with each second Seokjin’s lips are on her skin. 

Her stupid gorgeous skin that glows when the sun shines through the windows.

You hate her stupid skin, the sun should burn her, not make her look like an angel descending upon this earth.

Which, she totally acts like on a daily basis, sunshine or not.

All you can do is remind yourself that you are a better person than your hostile instincts and negative thoughts want you to be.

Taking in a deep breath, you slowly exhale through your nose, lowering the invitation painstakingly slow and delicately placing it to the side of your desk. You will show no weaknesses. They will not get to you. 

A loud huff of breath behind you breaks your concentration, and you turn around to see your co-worker Taehyung failing at being the better person; his jaw is clenched so tightly that the muscles in his face are twitching. His invitation is in pieces scattered across his lap and desk, some bits still stuck to his clenched fists in between his fingers. His entire body reads fire-angry and pissed off, but there's something in his eyes that tells you there's more going on deep within his mind. The way his eyes shake and glisten, it's clear as day he's just as hurt as you are about this situation. 

Taehyung is one of the handful of coworkers you’ve worked beside for years but have never exchanged more than ten words with. He’s quiet, tends to his work, and keeps to himself. Even when he and Soyeon were together he shied away from the PDA and loud declarations of love. The few times you cared to spare a glance in their direction, it always seemed that Taehyung was uncomfortable having all eyes on him with a bright red face paired with fidgeting hands. It was enough to make anyone feel bad for the guy.

Glancing around, you make sure the coast is clear, (AKA: all the attention is still on Seokjin and Soyeon), and you scoot your chair across the short way to Taehyung's desk.

"Hey, Hellboy,” you whisper just loud enough for him to hear, “extinguish your flames will ya?"

Taehyung's jaw relaxes as he looks at you for a moment before turning back to the mess around him. Closing his eyes, he lets out a more tender sigh, carefully picking up each piece one by one before sprinkling them into the garbage.

"Thanks," he says weakly. "I didn't realize I was expressing outwardly. Nuts isn't it?" He forces a chuckle, shaking his head as he goes back to watching the couple of the year receive their compliments and adoration from the other office sheep.

"Completely nuts." You agree, scooching closer until your chairs touch and you’re sitting side by side.

"She's acting like we weren't ever even together. Seokjin seems to be doing that to you too. It's crazy! Weren't you guys together for like three years?-"

"-Three years."

Sighing together, you both lean back into your chairs.

"Soyeon and I were together for four."

The pout in his voice breaks your heart, even more than it's already broken. That feeling alone surprises you. It's not like you're an overly compassionate person, not saying you're exactly heartless, but you and Taehyung have barely interacted. Ever. Even amongst your years and years of working together, nothing more than a simple head nod or raised coffee in acknowledgment has passed between you two. Now, you feel like you need to reach out, rub his arm comfortingly, maybe even offer to take him out on lunch where the two of you can freely be irrationally angry and bitter together. Really, it's just that if you were him, (and you basically are in this situation), you'd want someone to be there for you. Being alone in the midst of a breakup this painful just doesn't seem like a comforting option.

So, stepping out of your comfort zone, you decide to do just what you'd want someone to do for you.

"Let's get lunch together," you blurt out.

Albeit slightly confused, Taehyung smiles and kindly accepts your lunch offer.

"And then he said, 'You're a little too much to handle sometimes.' Who fucking says that!" You yell over the bustle and noise of the restaurant, voice muffled by the decent amount of food still in your mouth.

"He said that? About you?" Taehyung scoffs, throwing his fork down onto his plate and throwing his body back against the seat cushion. "You definitely don't seem like the type to be described as "too much to handle". I'm insulted on your behalf!"

"Thank! You!" You can't help but raise your voice as you throw down your fork as well, the utensil clattering against the now clean plate. "I can't believe Soyeon gave you such a stupid reason for dumping you. Who just says, 'We were too attached and I need to learn how to be my own person.' then goes around and is immediately in a super clingy relationship? I don't get it. Plus, in my own personal opinion, I wouldn’t have described you guys as too attached. I don’t think I even saw you guys kiss in public. Which makes this thing with Seokjin even more absurd!"

Expecting a fiery response, Taehyung surprises you by staying silent. His shoulders drop as he stares into his half-eaten chocolate cheesecake. The intense, angry emotions surging in your own veins quickly simmers down seeing how truly upset he looks in front of you.

"Hey," you dip your head down, trying to make eye contact, your hand naturally falling on top of one of his own, "don't worry about them. What she told you was bullshit and does not define who you are as a person. What she did was low and was clearly not the real reason she broke up with you. You seem like a great guy and she's going to have to live the rest of her life knowing she let you go." You see a faint smile finally grow on his face, making you smile in return. 

"Thanks, Y/n. I wish I was as strong as you are. I wish I could just be angry and secure with myself." He sighs and leans one elbow on the table, resting his head in his hand as he breaks up pieces of his cake, not making any motions to actually eat it.

You think about what to say and how honest you want to be. You've only just really started talking with him and talking about your feelings and insecurities has never been easy for you to do. Which was exactly one of the reasons Seokjin claimed during his breakup speech.

And fuck that guy. You can be emotionally vulnerable anytime you want!

"I'm not as tough as I'm making it seem," you admit slowly, "It honestly hurts so much it feels like I can't breathe sometimes, you know? I really thought I had opened up to him, really thought I had someone who loved me truly for who I was. I thought he saw the real me. A part of me almost feels violated knowing how much he knows about me." You can't help but chuckle softly to yourself. "Don't give them the power to determine your self-worth, okay? We'll get through this together. You're stuck with me now!"

Taehyung looks up and smiles warmly at you. Genuinely, you believe that you'll be able to make it through this. And it doesn't hurt having someone else here to understand what you're going through. 

Finally going back to eating his cake, Taehyung thinks thoughtfully for a moment, his head tilted in a curious fashion.

"Do you think-," he starts but pauses, scrunching up his mouth to one side as he ponders over what to say. Sighing and looking down once again, he softly says, "Do you think they cheated on us?"

It's a sentence that instantly gives you chills, freezing you in place for a moment because no, you didn't think that, the thought never occurred to you in the first place. Despite how mad you were at Seokjin, he didn't seem like the type to cheat. Now that the thought is in your head, you can't help but rethink situations you may have looked over.

Like the late nights leading up to the breakup, Seokjin stepping out of the room when he got phone calls- something he never used to do before. These things were out of character- yes. But you didn't think twice about it because it just seemed like something everyone did in the midst of a rough patch in a relationship.

Or maybe your subconscious just couldn't handle it at the time.

"She acted differently...in the end. I just wasn't sure if you knew or not."

"No," you shake your head, "the thought honestly never crossed my mind. But now that you mention it, he acted differently in the end too."

For a good, heart-bursting moment, you both sit there and silence and you let yourself feel truly sad about your breakup for the first time. You're not sure what's worse: the blinding anger or the heart-wrenching poignancy.

"This is stupid!" Taehyung finally breaks the silence, his fists firmly planting onto the table as he stands. "We didn't do anything wrong! Why are we the ones who have to be sad and cry into delicious cheesecake? They should be the ones crying into a creamy dessert!"

You can't help but laugh. And once you start, it's hard to stop. The entire situation still doesn't feel real to you, so what else can you do except clutch at your ribs as all the air in your body is used to laugh? Taehyung laughs with you, sitting back down and scooping up the remaining bites of his cheesecake.

"It really is dumb." You finally manage to choke out the words, the laughter slowly dying out between you two. "I wish there was some way to make them feel what we're feeling right now."

Mouth full of food, Taehyung offers a muddled: "Isn’t revenge...ya know...bad?"

Reaching for a napkin, you pause and stare at the lines in the fabric, an idea sparking in your mind. Slowly sliding the napkin over to your new friend, you decide to continue to be bold today and think out loud.

"What if we went to that Valentine's Day party they're hosting?"

Gasping on instinct, Taehyung accidentally inhales part of his cake, spiraling him into a coughing fit. "You want to what? I thought we agreed it would be a terrible idea!"

Smiling devilishly, you wait for Taehyung to notice the mischief in your eyes, wait for him to see that you wouldn't just simply be attending.

"What have you got planned?" He asks carefully.

"Let's go...together." Quirking up one of your shoulders, you play with your fork, spinning the utensil slowly against the point of your finger. It was hard trying to appear so casual, mysterious, and nonchalant when all you wanted to do was shout out your idea.

"I'm honestly such a bad guesser and I'm way too intrigued, but at the same time I'm not stupid enough to fall for the casual 'let's go together' so please tell me what you have brewing in that devilish mind of yours, Y/n, please I'm DYING!"

Taehyung's flair for the dramatics will definitely make this idea of yours even more pleasurable.

Dropping the fork, you look around the restaurant before leaning in, beckoning Taehyung to do the same until you can see the tiny flakes of freckles painted across his cheekbones.

"Okay. So, here's the plan..."

The next few days go by so fast it's been hard to enjoy the festivities.

And by festivities, you mean the fun going on between you and Taehyung.

The office has become so much more enjoyable having Taehyung in your life. Every day you come into work wearing one of his sports jackets, graciously draping it on the back of your chair after he politely pulls out your seat for you. And every day, after pushing in your chair, Taehyung leaves you a quick, yet passionate kiss on the top of your head, to which you always end up looking up at him with pure joy. 

It didn't take long for you two to become the talk of the office. 

Like a wave of wildfire, everyone began wondering just when you and Taehyung got together, if it was serious, a playful situation, just how far things have gone. You never paid much attention to office gossip before, but you never would have dreamed it was as juicy as this. Being in the spotlight was never your thing, but this was completely different. It felt different at least. Speaking of, you were usually the type of person to shy away from being the center of attention or the talk of the town. You liked that, in this instance, this spotlight was controlled by you and aimed at you just the way you wanted it. Walking around the office with a new wave of confidence felt empowering. Seeing Seokjin's jaw drop to the floor when he saw you, even more delicious.

It's true. Along with the new relationship, you switched up your wardrobe as well. Oh, and getting a new haircut after a million years of avoiding the salon definitely gives you that extra umph that you needed. And, let’s face it, moving on after being mercilessly dumped isn’t official until you do something different with your hair.

"You look..." Taehyung whistles as he not so discreetly eyes you up and down, biting his bottom lip as he does so. "Amazing." Very quickly you see some heads pop out from their cubicles out of your peripheral vision. It makes your smile all the more genuine.

Acting like you think the two of you are all alone in the office lobby, you giggle and lean into Taehyung. "Thank you for buying this outfit for me. It fits me in all the right places." You wink and pull at his tie slightly, turning around and walking away with it slipping through your fingers.

All of the heads quickly return to their computer screens, pretending to not have heard or seen a single thing.

It’s almost too easy.

Seokjin's cubicle is near the front of the lobby with yours and Taehyungs near the middle of the floorplan. Without a doubt, Seokjin's head had to have been one of the ones who was watching you just now. 

Gliding across the floor with Taehyung quickly following behind you, your heels click delightfully against the tile floor. In a split minute decision, instead of trying to discreetly glance into Seokjin's cubicle, you decide to turn back towards Taehyung and reach for his hand, giggling all along the way. 

Taehyung grasps your hand in his, the other hand pocketed in his tightly fit slacks. You weren't the only one with the wardrobe upgrade. If you're being completely honest, he won the makeover competition.

Your partner retired the contacts and went for a classy chic pair of black glasses that fit his facial frame so well, he could be the poster boy for all eye doctors across the nation. He made you want to have poor eyesight so you could sport some fancy eyewear. The two of you also found some new hair product for him and found that curling those chestnut locks made him go from Average Joe to chiseled supermodel. It still baffles you that this was the same Taehyung who's sat behind you for all these years. 

Throwing out the cheap button up collared shirts, Taehyung now sports some fancy looking sweaters, sporks jackets, and silk button-ups. He looks like a million bucks and ever since the makeover he's been getting the attention from strangers from all sorts of people, rightfully so. You’ve also gotten your fair share of head turns and whistles from folks on the street and each one only adds more fuel to your steps.

It's been a confidence boost for the both of you, to say the least.

Once you're near your own office spaces, Taehyung holds onto your fingers instead of letting you go, pulling you quickly back into him so fast that your hand automatically flutters against the swell of his chest.

"I'll miss you," he mutters softly for only you to hear, kissing your knuckles before guiding you to your chair to do his usual routine. Chills dance across your skin as your mind panics for a moment, briefly forgetting that this is all for show.

"I'll miss you more," you recover with a purr. Then, for good measure, ditching the nervousness echoing in the back of your mind, you let out a louder Shhh! noise, resulting in immediate whispers surrounding your not so private cubicle space. You let your finger linger over Taehyung’s lips before sashaying to your desk, leaving him standing in the middle of the hallway staring after you.

This was going all too smoothly.

Throughout the days you and Taehyung manage to find ample time to grossly flirt with one another. One of your favorite hobbies now was deciding where exactly you wanted to meet up and get a little frisky.

Your favorite spot by far is easily the copy room, however cliché it may be. Having Taehyung pressed up against your body as his lips roam your neck, your back either against the copy machine itself or the counter just adjacent to it, it was all too much fun.

Like today, for instance, things might have gotten out of hand.

Taehyung's hands roam your body from your hips all the way up to your shoulders as he murmurs things too quietly for you to even understand. Well, let’s be honest, it’s definitely not necessarily because they were too quiet, but because you were so distracted by just how electrifying his touch feels. It never meant to be this serious. A touch here, a kiss there, outward flirting and such. But now you're starting to think it's becoming more of a game between the two of you instead of an office game you set up to make your ex's jealous. Technically, you didn't need to start this game so early before the party: it's only a week away now. You were way too eager to put your plan into action, and that meant sacrificing the workplace and those that worked around you.

You don't even remember why you were in the copy room to begin with. Usually, you try to plan it so either Seokjin or Soyeon walk in. Lately, it's been everyone but.

Your breath becomes heavier as Taehyung's tongue swipes up along the backside of your ear, a little spot he quickly found brings out some not so innocent sounds from you.

Wanting so desperately to enjoy the attention your body is getting, you can't help but fight against the bliss. You're losing sight of the plan ahead. And you can't help but notice just how naturally you're responding to Taehyung's antics.

"Taehyung!" You gasp, glancing at the clock above his head, not realizing just how hot and heavy it was getting between you two. "I think we need to cool it a little bit. We've been in here for fifteen minutes now and no one has even come close to this room."

He chuckles under his breath, a slow, deep raspy sound that hums like a string quartet on a fine and breezy summer day. "Sorry. Seems I got carried away."

Without hesitation, he backs away from you and you can't deny that your first thought is how much you want him back up against you.

"I'm thinking we came on too strong. Now everyone is afraid of being around us." Taehyung ponders outwardly, a finger slowly tapping against his chin. How the hell is he able to be so sexy and passionate one minute and easily go back to acting like nothing happened?

Gulping, you clutch your arms to your chest, suddenly feeling cold without Taehyung’s warmth. “What do we do now?”

“I guess we can get back to work, there’s plenty of time for more shenanigans later.” He winks and walks out of the room wondering just when he became so carefree and confident.

A spur of the moment shopping spree sprung at you and Taehyung the night before the Valentine's Day party at the most opportune of times. After all the scheming and planning, the one thing you forgot to plan for was what you would be wearing for the event which blossomed said scheming and planning. Even when you both upgraded your wardrobe before, it was all simple business casual outfits, not a night out attire. 

Taehyung calls you in a panic, words blurring together through the phone as you try to make out what he's trying to say. Eventually, you're able to put two and two together.

"Holy shit we forgot our party outfits." You exclaim dumbfoundedly.

So, that's how you got here. Sprinting down isles with your hands out batting against the edges of the clothes. Some of the fabrics feel soft against your fingertips as the wind blows through your hair. As you look over to Taehyung, you can't help but to smile, not even noticing the gross feeling of old velvet pants going against the groove of your fingertips. Any other day, your body would have recoiled in disgust. But somehow, staring into Taehyung's earthy brown eyes, it's all become manageable. 

As the night continues and fashion show after fashion show occurs, you start to think about how you look at and feel around Taehyung. He's doing everything he can to stay positive in this terrible situation you've both been thrown into, and yet, you find yourself comforted in his presence. While comforting is the best word to describe it, it's also starting to become confusing. Are you starting to look at him romantically? Is he thinking the same about you? It's definitely not an appropriate time for you to jump back into a relationship. Come to think of it, you barely know much about the guy other than what you two share in relationship baggage. 

The rest of the night you seem to move in slow motion, caught up in your thoughts and not really feeling present in the moment. You catch Taehyung sneaking glances at you and it seems he's trying extra hard to be funny with all the ridiculous outfits he's put together.

"How about this!" He jumps out of the dressing room with arms wide open; a bright green feathered boa, red and yellow vertical striped pants, and a shirt that definitely could have belonged to a middle-aged man who loved to go fishing every weekend. There's a certain disconnection you feel with yourself even though it feels like you should be happy.

"You didn't even try to smile," Taehyung’s entire demeaning softens instantly. He walks towards the cushion you're sitting on and joins you, his shoulder lightly bumping against yours, "what's on your mind?"

Not exactly ready to admit your confused feelings about him, if they’re even feelings there at all, you decide to talk about the other thing that’s been disturbing your thoughts: Seokjin.

“I just wish it were easier, you know? Moving on?”

Taehyung huffs and juts out his bottom lip, quickly coming to your rescue by wrapping an arm around your shoulders. You let him consul you, lowering your head onto his chest as he rubs comforting circles on the side of your arm.

“It’s okay. I’ve been having a hard time getting over Soyeon too. It seems that no matter how hard I try my mind always drifts back to her. I still don’t really understand how she could just jump into a relationship with Seokjin and be in love so quickly. It doesn’t make sense.”

“Do you think they could be faking too? Like us?” The thought honestly makes your stomach turn and twist into all sorts of complicated knots. Why would you and Taehyung get dumped only for them to rub it in your face on purpose?

“I’m not sure,” Taehyung sighs, “I honestly wouldn’t put it past Soyeon to do it. There were more than a handful of times when we’d be around a bunch of people and she’d be all over me, couldn’t leave my side. Then, when we’d get home, she’d want her space and do her own thing. Super weird. I think she just needs everyone to see how loved she is. I don’t know. She has her own insecurities she still needs to deal with.”

Nodding your head into Taehyung’s chest, you also reflect on the way Seokjin treated you when you were in front of other people vs. how he treated you at home. And you can’t really think of an obvious difference. He was an amazing boyfriend who just couldn’t seem to fully commit to you.

“Sometimes it’s nice to think that they want to see us upset, doesn’t it?” Taehyung smiles and pats your head, standing up and offering a hand out to you. “Kinda shows us that we mean a whole lot more to them than they’re willing to admit. C’mon. Let’s find you a killer outfit and show Seokjin exactly what he’s missing.”

“Taehyung. Has anyone ever told you that you could have a future in fashion design?”

You keep staring at yourself in the mirror, looking at every angle possible of the attire you have on. Taehyung picked out everything himself, more than proving that his taste is far beyond more exquisite than all of your project runway knowledge combined. Right away in the store, he commands that blue is the only color he wants to see you in, none of that typical pink or red Valentine’s Day bullshit. “We need to stand out in all the best and worst of ways. Plus, blue is one thousand percent your color.” He had said to you, reassuring you along the way that he’ll find something for you both to match in.s

And he was a thousand percent right. Blue is most definitely your color. The way it brings out the natural highlights in your hair and even that small spark in your eyes, you’ve never been so confident with just a shade before.

The style of the dress itself is something you would expect to see in an over the top beauty pageant with just enough elegance to make it red carpet-worthy; pools of tool and fabric cascade down your legs, a long slit going up until your mid-thigh. The top half of the dress is strapless and slightly exposing the best of what you have to offer. You protested heavily on the attire in the store, it needed more than a little TLC with some rips and tears in the squirt and some stains on the front. But Taehyung had insisted and told you he had a plan in mind. 

In less than two hours Taehyung had successfully stitched and sewed his way to a beautiful masterpiece. You couldn’t even tell this was the same dress he had picked out in the thrift store.

Fondly, he smiles at you as he looks at what he’s created, a hint of shyness overtaking him as he softly admits that his mother and older sister would make their own clothes to save some money. Naturally, Taehyung picked up on what they had learned and actively partook in it as well.

“One year, for my mother’s birthday, my sister and I both worked on this really grand dress. It took us nearly two months to make. I used to be made fun of for this stuff, but nothing feels as good as seeing someone’s face light up when they put on something you’ve made. It’s the same face you have on right now actually.”

You turn and smile back at him, feeling a sense of comfort between the two of you. The warmth from his words is something you’re not quite used to; your connection seems to run deeper than you were ultimately expecting it to be. And you like the feeling of it.

“I’ll kick anyone’s ass if they make fun of you,” you say boldly, hands on your hips for emphasis.

Taehyung throws a pillow at your back, the both of you laughing like high school best friends.

Pacing back and forth in your driveway, you can’t help but think you might have been stood up. Taehyung said he would be at your apartment a good hour or two before the party so you could help each other get ready and hyped. 

You are definitely not ready. You are definitely not hyped.

Glancing at the clock on your phone only makes you more anxious as you fight the urge to call him for the fourteenth time. The party has started by now.

This didn’t seem in character for Taehyung. Unless, you dreadfully think, you said something that offended him. Maybe he caught a whiff of your little crush on him. Or maybe he just couldn’t bear to see Soyeon on such a romantic holiday night. Your thoughts are spiraling out of control, you take off your heels in a defeated huff, tempting the idea of shucking them into the neighbor's shrubs.

You take a seat on the front porch, heels still in one hand, and laugh to yourself. This is what you get, huh? You wanted revenge and karma did not feel like taking its time in giving you exactly what you deserve.

Thoughts of Seokjin and Soyeon slow dancing under paper hearts spinning on a string from the ceiling leaves you feeling emptier than ever before.

As a large teardrop drips down your cheek, a car turns into your driveway.

“Y/n?” Taehyung slams his door shut and rushes over to you. He’s wearing his blue suit, the one he picked out to match yours. His hair is styled so that part of his forehead is showing. Emotions overtake you and the tears flow more consistently before you’re able to even attempt to compose yourself.

“What’s wrong? Oh, Y/n what’s wrong?” Taehyung sits next to you and pulls your head to his chest, wrapping one arm around the back of your shoulders while the other one wraps around the front of your body. You clutch your hands to your face, embarrassed beyond belief that you’re sobbing on your front porch on Valentine’s Day to your fake date of the night.

You think about mentioning Seokjin and Soyeon, or the fact that you really don’t want to go to this party anymore. Instead, what comes out is, “I thought you weren’t going to show up!”

Pushing you back so he can see your face, Taehyung takes your hands gently, rubbing his thumb over your knuckles while he looks into your eyes. “I could never leave you behind.”

It feels like your heart plummets down a ten-story building and you want to melt into him.

Continuing before you can get ahead of yourself, Taehyung says, “Did my texts not go through? I said we got the time mixed up. The party starts at eight, not seven. I also stopped by to get you this-” He looks around at the ground beside him for a moment, then motions for you to hold on while he trots over to his car.

“Close your eyes!” He yells while laughing. You wipe your eyes one last time before placing your hands over them. 

You hear his footsteps on the pavement as he gets closer. It’s probably some flowers, a corsage even. 

There’s movement on the top of your head and you flinch, nearly opening your eyes before being stopped by Taehyung. “It’s just me, hold on.” He places something on your head, adjusting it and fixing your hair.

“Perfect!” He steps back. “Go ahead. Open your eyes.”

Slowly, you remove your hands from your face and look around. Taehyung is standing in front of you holding a small compact mirror. Leaning forward, you look until you can see your reflection and the small tiara on your head.

“I saw it on my way over here in some small shop window. I just had to get it for you. It really brings your whole outfit together!” Taehyung’s smile is big and warm, rendering you speechless. 

“No need to thank me!” Taehyung puts the compact mirror in his pant pocket, reaching for you to pull you up. “Seeing everyone’s reaction to how amazing you look is all the thanks I need.”

He walks you to the passenger side of his car and opens the door for you, assisting with your dress to make sure not a single string of fabric gets caught.

“Thank you, Taehyung,” you whisper just before he closes the door. There’s a shine behind his eyes as he nods his head softly, his smile still not wavering.

A nice intense pep talk goes down in Taehyung’s car before you’re both able to walk up to the office hand in hand. You had thought you would be the shaking mess of nerves, but instead, it’s Taehyung’s hand that clutches yours tightly, a slight murmur disrupting his cool demeanor.

All of the office desks have been pushed against one wall with cupid cutouts and (as you predicted earlier) paper hearts hanging from the ceiling. A red light is cast throughout the room giving it a nice sultry feel as light music plays over the speakers. You never realized just how big this floor is. Easily seventy or so people could fit in here for a party. Instead, there’s only about twenty of you.

Everything looked so magical, and yet, it felt oddly prom-like.

You and Taehyung were fashionably late, so as soon as the front door opened with a loud sha-shunk sound, all eyes were on you two.

“Game on.” You smirk, feeling as ready as ever.

“Taehyung! Y/n!” Soyeon’s usual peppy voice wavers over the music. “You’re here!” 

The crowd parts slightly, leaving a space so Seokjin and Soyeon could greet you at the front door.

“Oh, we just couldn’t miss the party of the century!” You laugh, clinging to Taehyung’s upper arm.

“The chance to show off this beautiful lady? Wouldn’t pass that up for anything!” Taehyung is saying this in response to Soyeon, but his eyes are only on you. He gives you a wink for good measure, leaning in slightly until the tips of your noses touch.

“Yeah, like anyone would describe Y/n as a party person,” Seokjin quips. Your eyes narrow, looking over to your ex for the first time. 

You can’t deny how great he looks in his pastel pink suit that perfectly matches Soyeon’s party dress. It accents every curve of his muscles in his arms, his suit jacket practically draping on his wide shoulders.

This might be harder than you were expecting.

“You never really were the type of person to think on their feet, huh, Seokjin?” You chuckle knowing that he really was trying to hurt your feelings in front of everyone. Seokjin glowers at you, his lips a fine, thin line.

Soyeon looks like she wants to say something, but instead grabs Seokjin’s elbow and turns him around, heading back to the middle of the dance floor.

Without looking, you and Taehyung give each other a satisfactory low-five.

“So, snacks? Or dance floor?” Taehyung asks.

“Oh, definitely snacks. I see a bowl of chips calling my name!” You not so graciously speed walk over to said bowl and pick it up, cradling it the same way one would a newborn baby.

Taehyung picks up a large pink cupcake and runs his finger around the frosting, sucking on the digit slowly as he observes the crowd before him.

Soyeon is bent forward slightly, wiggling her butt against Seokjin’s lower regions. The co-workers around them cheer, raising their glasses as they continue to jump to the music. Seokjin doesn’t even look slightly embarrassed. 

“You know, if I would have even dropped low like that to pick up a can of soup or something that fell on the floor, he’d hide his face in shame,” you say with a mouthful of chips.

Taehyung scoffs, shoving the remainder of the cupcake into his mouth. “Ehdgeeut.”

“I bet we could out dance them,” you say more confidently than you actually feel. Without waiting for Taehyung’s response, you grab his greasy cupcake hand and drag him to the dance floor.

Relaxing as much as you can, you try to empty your mind of all fears and anxieties and mimic what you’ve seen in movies and music videos, using Taehyung more as a prop than an actual dance partner.

At first, no one notices you two. But as more co-workers break to grab refreshments, they come back and form a crowd around you two instead of mindlessly migrating back to Seokjin and Soyeon.

And eventually, that left the pair without an audience to flaunt their love in front of.

Taehyung is getting more and more into the movements, and you bet he’s also blocking out the nerves like you are. It’s beautiful watching him smile and enjoy himself, not even noticing the people around him. It definitely helps you feel more comfortable in the spotlight as well.

Pulling you closer, Taehyung lifts up one of your legs and hooks it as his hip, one of his hands roaming up your thigh. Your heart races as his face gets closer to your own, both your foreheads connecting and it feels like you’re breathing the same air.

At this point, you know Seokjin and Soyeon are watching you.

The song ends right as Taehyung pulls you closer and kisses you. It isn’t like any of the fake kisses you’ve exchanged in the office previously. This one is laced with something sweet and spicy, a want you can’t even begin to explain.

And you don’t want to stop kissing him. You don’t want this feeling to end.

“Get a room!” Someone yells from the back, the crowd erupting into laughter as some shield their eyes away from you.

“Maybe we will!” Taehyung yells, grabbing your hand and running with you out of the room and into one of the office hallways.

And as you run, you see Seokjin’s wide, regretful eyes, his shoulders sagging into his suit jacket.

Quite the victory if you’ve ever seen one.

Giggles and shuffling feet is all you can hear throughout the hallway. The cool breeze is barely noticeable against the warm touches from Taehyung's hands around your body. Each time his skin presses against yours, it leaves a ripple of warmth throughout your body, so much so that it feels like you'll never be cold again. 

Your hands grasp the edges of his suit firmly as you momentarily take control, pushing him carefully against the wall so you can kiss him again. Taehyung smiles into the kiss, chuckling deep from his chest as he wraps his arms around your waist. His lips are soft and familiar now and it's become a little too easy to get lost in them. 

At times like this, you forget this is supposed to be pretend. 

Pushing those thoughts away, you continue to dive in. 

These kisses start to feel different than the ones from before. Originally, they were nothing more than quick pecks, not even five seconds long at their most intense. Now, they're slow, both of your lips molding together in slow motion, giving you plenty of time to let your hands roam with minds of their own. Your bodies start to connect like puzzle pieces, like the way your hip naturally leans into his or the way your chest rises up flush against his own. Every time Taehyung's tongue barely sneaks past the edges of his mouth sends a warm chill that blooms deep in your chest, rippling until you feel it in the tips of your fingers. You almost want to sigh in relief the way one would sigh when sinking into a nice warm bath after a long day. 

Seokjin never kissed you like this. 

Slow and steady turns into fast and furious. All of a sudden what you're getting is just not enough. Taehyung pulls at the fabric of your dress, guiding you away from the wall so he can lead you into one of the conference rooms, the very conference room Seokjin and Soyeon will be coming up to in order to exchange Valentine's Day gifts. 

You can't help but wonder if this was done on purpose.

Maybe it's an extreme coincidence that this conference room just so happens to be the closest one for you guys to tumble into.

Once you're past the threshold, Taehyung's in control. He breaks apart the kiss and turns you around, lightly pushing against the small of your back until the front of your body can't go any further: you're now flushed against the conference table. His hands find your hips, moving up and down for a moment, hesitating before boldly moving up to your breasts. 

"Is this okay?" He murmurs with a kiss on the back of your neck, just under your ear as he massages your chest.

It's never felt more okay. Your mind is turning into white static with the built-up attraction. 

"Oh yeah, this is okay." Chuckling, you let your eyes flutter shut, somehow making the experience even more enjoyable this way.

Wasting no time, Taehyung shucks off his suit jacket in one clean motion, tossing it aside carelessly and diving back into your lips.

“Nuh-uh,” you moan against his lips, indicating to his shirt, “off.”

Chuckling, Taehyung breaks away and slowly starts to unbutton his shirt.

“Are you punishing me now?” You laugh, already missing the feeling of him on your skin.

“I can go slower than this,” he plays, the tip of his tongue poking past the side of his lips. Normally you wouldn’t mind a little strip tease or the build of anticipation. But right now, you’re anxious to get him inside of you.

Sauntering over, Taehyung is only halfway down his shirt when he’s close enough for you to grab.

And so you do.

You take his tie into your fist and pull him close, his face now inches from yours. Taehyung’s breathing is heavy, his chest moving up and down almost as quick as your heart is beating.

You move in like you’re about to kiss him, but stop short just as your lips barely brush against his.

“I don’t play games,” you whisper, showing your teeth as you smile.

“Funny,” Taehyung murmurs back, grabbing onto your hips and flipping you around until your ass is flushed against his crotch area, his tie still laced between your fingers, “Didn’t seem that way when you asked me to play along with your little scheme.”

All you can manage is a soft sigh, allowing yourself to relax against his body and letting his tie slip past your fingers.

This is all a game, you remind yourself. Or, at least, it started out as one.

Taehyung unzips the back of your dress, leaving a trail of kisses along the way. If there is a world record for the most amount of times a person has shuddered with chills in the span of ten minutes, well, you would have beaten that record by a mile.

And although you enjoy each kiss and each touch, it’s all going far too slow.

Using what goods you have in the back, you push out with enough force to back Taehyung a step. It was just enough for you to be able to spin around to face him and drop your dress to your feet.

“Wow,” Taehyung gasps, “you are absolutely beautiful.”

“Thanks,” you raise an eyebrow confidently, “I showed you mine, now show me yours.”

Without question, Taehyung moves to undo his belt, still moving rather slowly as he unbuttons his pants.

Your eyes follow his hands as they move back up his legs. Eyeing his frontal area, you’re surprised to see that he isn’t hard yet.

You try not to show your disappointment, but Taehyung notices right away.

Bashfully, he grips the back of his neck with one hand, looking down and apologizing. “I’m just kind of nervous is all.”

“No, no! I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable! I was just a little surprised! If you’re not ready we don’t have to do anything.” It suddenly feels very cold in this room.

Taehyung smiles again, this time more innocently than before, “I want to. Trust me.”

Closing the distance between you two, you kiss him on the lips slowly, waiting for him to take the lead.

It doesn’t take him nearly as long as you had anticipated.

Taehyung’s mouth moves feverishly against yours, that fire instantly igniting back between your two bodies. His hand grips the side of your neck gently, his thumb resting just behind your jawline. It isn’t until your fingernails trail the edge of his spine that his grip hardens slightly, taking your breath away.

Taehyung’s free hand moves to your back to unclasp your bra, doing so in an impressive one try. His hand is instantly on one of your breasts, massaging it roughly.

That is all the touch you need before you’re ready for him.

Your thumb slips past the hem of his boxers, pulling them down and away from his skin. Taehyung steps out of them now completely naked before you. As you continue to kiss, you can’t help but chance a peek at what he has lying below.

And what he has does not disappoint.

“Wow!” You gasp, “Soyeon left you for Seokjin? No wonder she seems more high strung than usual.”

Laughing, Taehyung stops his ministrations and rests his head on your shoulder in embarrassment. 

“And then you,” he returns, “Soyeon may be pretty, but she’s also flatter than a piece of cardboard. You?” He whistles and manages to bring his head back up, eyeing you up and down while biting his bottom lip.

“He’s stupid,” Taehyung concludes.

“And she’s an idiot.” You smile.

“Enough about them,” Taehyung takes both of his hands and grasps your panties. With one swift motion, he rips the fabric in two and is moving you back to the table, back to the original position you were in, “this is about us.”

In his hand, Taehyung shows a condom he must have pulled out of his pocket before. You honestly don’t remember seeing him do it, but you nod your head quickly up and down. Taking it between his teeth, Taehyung rips the fabric and promptly places the condom on the tip of his cock, unrolling it carefully. Your thighs tingle with anticipation, your vagina yearning to be filled by him.

Spreading your legs out so that your feet rest on the tops of the neighboring chairs, you nod your head once more for Taehyung.

Slowly, he inches the tip of his cock to your entrance. 

Taehyung’s arms are placed on either side of your hips and you use his stance to grip his biceps, holding on for dear life as you try to mentally prepare for the massiveness that’s about to enter your body.

Taehyung guides his cock up and down your folds just once before diving right in.

The stretch is absolutely delicious, immediately your eyes roll back with bliss. He’s only able to get inside of you a quarter of the way before he slides back out, repeating the process until he’s able to inch further and further. For a moment it seemed like he wouldn’t be able to bottom out in you. But if you’ve learned anything from this time you’ve spent with Taehyung, it’s that this man is determined.

One final thrust and it feels like he’s pushing straight through your G-spot.

You’re out of breath as you cling to him more aggressively, not able to even comprehend what it would feel like for him to pound into you with everything he’s got.

Taehyung searches for your mouth, planting a long, deep kiss on your lips as he slowly starts to rock his hips back and forth. There’s a tense hunger from his lips that you try to match, but the pleasure you’re feeling down below is distracting your every thought.

After a few moments pass and the strong build-up, you initially felt seems to simmer out. 

Despite the intense need for one another, there's something between you and Taehyung that's different than what you had with Seokjin: spark.

The thought hits you. Hard. So much so that it stuns you into a motionless blob. In retrospect, it isn't even that big of a revelation, but it's enough to put some ease on your mind.

"Y/n. Are you okay?" Tentatively, Taehyung stops for a moment and makes sure to meet your eyes.

Opening your mouth to respond, instead of words an eruption of laughter takes over you growing gradually until your entire body shakes with it. You clasp your hands over your mouth to try to contain it, but it only seems to worsen the giggles.

"I'm so sorry, Taehyung," you finally manage, "I just realized— I don't think…” you take a deep breath, ignoring the screaming voice in your head telling you to shut up, “I don’t think I like you in this way."

There's a moment where Taehyung and you both look down at where your body's currently intertwined and for a second you're afraid that you've possibly hurt his feelings.

He inhales slowly, releasing the air quickly soon after with an 'ahhh' sound. "Oh thank goodness! I wasn't sure if it was just me, but I started to realize the same thing about two minutes ago."

Laughter bubbles from your throat naturally, your lips vibrating as you try to hold it in. But, it’s no use. Taehyung sees you laughing and he can’t help but do the same.

“We should probably get out of here before we make an even bigger fool of ourselves. We can get Chinese? Hang out at my place and talk and watch a movie? I feel like we should talk.”

You’re about to verbally agree when a blinding light interrupts your thoughts.

“Oh my god!” A squeaky voice trills by the doorway, echoing throughout the room. 

You and Taehyung freeze in place; he hasn’t even had the chance to remove his cock from your pussy.

The intense feeling of drowning consumes you as your vision finally comes to focus. At the doorway are Seokjin and Soyeon.

“Y/N?” Seokjin’s voice cracks in disbelief at the sight in front of him.

Panic sets in. How stupid was this idea? Who thought you should go to a work party, strip naked, and start having sex with one of your coworkers on the table in one of the conference rooms?

If it were just Seokjin and Soyeon, your embarrassment would still be there, but at a much more containable and manageable amount. 

The entire office staff on the other hand...you were not prepared for that.

“Everyone leave!” Seokjin yells, turning his back to you and ushering the other coworkers away. As he’s doing so, Taehyung slips out of you, running over to where your clothes were discarded and throwing them at you with haste as he rushes to dress the lower half of himself.

Your arms feel numb as you pull your dress over your head, not even bothering with your bra or panties.

Seokjin returns and closes the door. Soyeon is covering her eyes, her back turned to you and Taehyung slightly as she’s muttering something to herself. Her perfect black hair cascades into a perfect curtain to shield her eyes from your nakedness.

“This is going to sound so cliche,” Taehyung starts after too many seconds of awkward silence pass between the four of you, “but this is not what it looks like.”

Soyeon makes an abundance of gibberish sounds with an aghast look on her face before finally blurting out, “Look like what? Like you weren’t caught having sex with each other?! Jesus, Taehyung! We knew you guys were all over each other but I thought you had enough decency to keep that stuff in the bedroom!” She puts her palms out towards you both and shakes them before turning away once again with her head down, shaking it in disbelief.

“That’s the thing! It’s complicated!” You shout, desperately trying to zip up the back of your dress by yourself.

“Were you or were you not just having sex?” Seokjin says sternly, looking directly at you like a disappointed father. You give up the fight with the zipper and sit down in one of the chairs behind you. It’s you he wants the response from, you can tell by fact that he hasn’t given Taehyung a single glance.

“Yes, but-”

“Then that’s the answer, Y/n. We get it!” Seokjin turns to Soyeon and gives her a gross affectionate kiss on the cheek. “You guys are jealous of the love we found and you didn’t want to be alone on Valentine’s Day. So, naturally, you turned to each other!”

Taehyung looks at you, and you at him, once again neither of you being able to look at each other seriously and you both start to laugh, yet again.

“We aren’t actually seeing each other!” Taehyung leans against the wall so casually, you wonder where this confidence has come from. It looks good on him.

If it weren’t Taehyung, you wouldn’t be so calm about confessing your conniving plans of fake dating. The way he’s so casually laughing and accepting the fact that you were both caught helps ease the anxieties you know you would have felt. And in this moment you realize why he’s not upset and why he’s not embarrassed: he’s finally moving on from Soyeon.

And, you guess, the same thing is happening with you with Seokjin.

“We faked it all,” you smile genuinely, “Of course we were upset when you guys got together, but honestly for myself, I would have had an easier time moving on if you two weren’t constantly shoving your love down everyone’s throats.”

“We’re surprised you haven’t been in a hallmark movie yet,” Taehyung adds.

“Exactly!” Pointing at Taehyung as he nods his head, you relax even more.

Seokjin and Soyeon stare at the two of you, stunned on an entirely new level. Looks like you and Taehyung are the first to tell them how gross and obnoxious their PDA has been.

Soyeon looks at Taehyung with a weird glint in her eyes, one that makes you instantly suspicious of what she’s about to say. 

“Taehyung, let’s get out of here,” you suggest. “I may not be in love with you romantically, but I think it’s safe to say we’re pretty great friends. And as your new great friend, I suggest we quit our jobs and run off together into this sunset!” You jump up quickly and hold out your arm for him to take.

“I agree completely, Y/n!” Taehyung jumps with just as much fervor as you and gladly takes your arm.

As the two of you start to skip past a dumbstruck pair of exes, you pause before Seokjin and boop the tip of his nose playfully. “You’ll tell the boss for us, won’t you?” You wink and continue on with Taehyung.

Deep down, you’d give anything to go back in there and explain the situation entirely with your ex, to have one last heart to heart and really see just what’s going through his head and to get some sort of closure. But you know it’s not healthy to act that way anymore. It’s better to move on and enjoy the day with your newfound friend. So what if you’re single this Valentine’s Day. At least you get to be single with Taehyung.

Later that night, as Spongebob plays in the background of Taehyung’s living room, you look around at all the empty Chinese takeout boxes and at Taehyung passed out on his side of the couch, and you realize for the first time you feel genuinely at peace. Sure, you know it’s going to take some time to fully get over Seokjin. 

With a friend like Taehyung by your side through it all, though, you know it won’t be so bad.

let me know what you think! :)

𝓂𝒶𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓁𝒾𝓈𝓉

© all rights reserved. do not copy, modify, translate, or repost. Jinned 02/12/21

[127-mile]

For all the wrong reasons.

Pairing: Doyoung x female reader.

Genre: Exes, enemies to lovers | Fluff, angst.

Warnings: Strong language, brief non-explicit mention of suggestive content.

Plot: Filing for divorce was probably the best decision you ever made with Doyoung. Having to marry him a second time for an inheritance wasn't on your post Doyoung to-do list.

Word count: +7.1k.

A/N: This is part of the Be your enemy collab hosted by @treasurehobi​. | I wish I could remember where I saw the original prompt I used as an inspiration.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" you spit when you see Doyoung outside of the building where you work. "You know I'm working, why the fuck would you ask me to come out?" Doyoung rolls his eyes, and you see the way he clenches his fists. It is so easy to rile him up, even though he probably already was before you joined him. "We need to talk."

"Talk about what? If it's not about all of the shit you still have in the garage, then I don't want to hear a word about it." he nibbles on his lower lip, an habit he always had when he is nervous, or ready to explode. You witnessed it way too many times. "You are rambling, you idiot!" you do not have the time, or the faith to keep up with him, so you turn on your heels, and when you put your hand on the doorknob of the heavy glass door, he calls out for you. "Wait."

"Doyoung, I have to go back to work, what do you want?" you ask in a long sigh and he mumbles something you can't quite understand. "Can you repeat, I can't hear anything you say when you mumble between your teeth." he takes a step closer, because he doesn't want to have to yell for the whole world to hear. "My aunt is dead." oh, that was not was you were expecting.

"Which one? The sweet one, or the old bitter bitch?" you ask as you turn to face him once again. "The sweet one." that's too bad, because this was probably the only member of Doyoung's family that you always liked, also the only member of his family that liked you from the minute you stepped inside of the house when you were 15. "I'm sorry, I know you loved her."

"I thought you deserved to know, she always adored you," he starts, and you cross your arms over your chest, maybe you should have taken your jacket before going out. "but this is not the only reason I came here." You do not try to think about why he is here, so instead, you prompt him to keep talking. "She left a will, and you know how all of her children were assholes so she gave them the bare minimum, and she gave me the rest."

"Good for you, I guess, you always wanted the lake house." he shakes his head, because yes, the lake house is a sweet addition, and he can only dream of the weekend he is going to spend there for the rest of his life, but this is still not why he is here. "You have to know, that if I had the choice, I would not be here, trust me, you are the last person I wanted to see." alright, that hurts. "Then what do you want from me?"

"We need to get married."

Your eyes open wide, and you throw your head back to laugh heartily. "Doyoung, we got divorced last year." he rolls his eyes, and you follows the movement of the tip of his tongue wetting his lips with your eyes. "I know, this was the best day of my life. But my aunt believed in us, she believed in our relationship, in our marriage, and the will stipulates that if I want to inherit everything, we have to be wedded."

"That's a joke, right?" you ask and he shakes his head. You know it is not a joke, you have known his aunt for many years, and to be honest, you are not even surprised to hear that. You do not know how many times she reminded you that your marriage to Doyoung was the best thing that has happened in this family. "I guess you'll have to say goodbye to your inheritance."

"Oh come on, I'm not asking you for the fucking moon! I never asked you for anything, can't you do me one fucking favor!" he exclaims and you look around, you do not want any of your coworkers to see what is happening, because you'll never hear the end of it. "And if I do it, what do I get in exchange?" you ask in a sigh.

"Her car, money, that necklace she promised you, I don't know, whatever you want." the corner of your lips curl into a smirk, and he takes a step back. He knows you better than anyone else on this stupid planet, so he knows that this smile doesn't bode well. "Everything?" he knows he shouldn't, but he nods nonetheless.

"I want the lake house."

"What? You will never get the lake house!" he says, almost offended that you would have the audacity to ask for the only thing he ever wanted. The house where he grew up, the house he spent so many vacations in with his aunt and his cousins. The house where he proposed to you. "I'm not asking for the fucking moon, Doyoung." you imitate Doyoung, but unlike him, you speak in a much softer voice.

"I hate you." he mutters when he understands that you are making fun of him, and you shrug. "Tell me something I don't already know." you stay silent for a moment, and Doyoung, still waiting for his answer, shifts from one leg to the other. "If I do it, will I finally get rid of you?" Doyoung doesn't show anything, but hearing this does something to his heart. He doesn't know if it's relief to finally be able to move on after this, or the closure that it'll bring. "Yes, you won't hear from me after that."

"Alright," you start in a huff. "Let's get married. Again."

What a stupid idea, you both think as you part ways.

You know you should not be doing it, you know you should not get close to Doyoung again, and he knows it too, you both suffered too much before, and even after the divorce, that it will not bring anything good. You got married because of love the first time, and you are going to get married because of all the wrong reasons, the second time. Hopefully, this time, divorcing won't hurt as much.

"You look fucking stupid, who knitted this sweater, your mother?" you say as soon as Doyoung steps inside of the café. Doyoung does look stupid, but not because of the pink sweater, but because of his messy hair and the crooked glasses on the bridge of his nose. "My girlfriend made it for me," he says in a low voice as he sits down on the chair in front of you. "and it's not stupid, it's a pretty sweater. She spent a lot of time working on it."

"Your girlfriend? Poor soul. Does she know you are currently having coffee with your ex wife?" you ask, straigtening up on the chair. You did not know he had a girlfriend, and maybe it is for the better, because you would have told him to fuck off last week when he came to see you. "Yes, he does know." you hum sipping on your cup of tea. "And fo I have to expect a crazy girl banging on my door at three am, asking me to stop sleeping with her boyfriend, or did you finally find someone normal?"

"Do you always have to remind me of my past?" he asks, but you know it is a rethorical question, that he is not waiting for an answer, but there is no way you are missing an opportunity like this one. "Doyoung, we took one break in our relationship, and you found a way to date the most jealous girl on campus. She was fucked up, and she tries to push me down the fucking stairs, so yes, I have to remind you of your past mistakes."

"You are the worst." he brings his own cup to his lips, and he sips on the coffee he just drowned in milk and sugar like a kid who never had caffeine before. "So, I contacted the town hall, and we can have the ceremony there tomorrow at 2 pm." oh, how romantic, the complete opposite to your first wedding. So big, luxurious and filled with love and laughter. "Sounds like a dream. Do we have to get dressed, or what?" he shrugs. "I don't know. Wear something nice, not that ugly hoodie of yours."

"Fuck you. You were happy to steal my hoodie when we were still in university." he sighs with exasperation, he did not come here to be reminded of his youth. Of the time they could still hold a conversation without cursing at each other at the first opportunity, without wishing the other was somewhere else, or worst, dead. Of the time you did not hate each other as much as you do now.

"Do we need witnesses?" you ask and he seems to think about it, or to recall everything the town hall secretary told him on the phone earlier. "Uh, yes, I think we do, to sign the papers." that's where it will get complicated, you think. "Amazing, I can't wait to ask Yuta to sign the wedding papers. A wedding I put an end to last year." he is going to be so mad at you, and you can already hear him yell. "Eh, don't act like you are the only one who'll have to get yelled at! I have to ask Johnny, and you know how he gets when we do something he does not approve of."

"Why don't you ask your girlfriend to marry you for the inheritance?" you ask with genuine curiosity and Doyoung tilts his head to the side, and he looks at you like you just said the dumbest thing he had ever heard in his entire life. "Are you stupid, or are you trying to waste my time? The notary will not accept to give me anything if it's not your name on the marriage certificate." yes, you expected as much.

"Why does he even need a marriage certificate? That's stupid, there is no proof that we are not married anymore." he shrugs, putting his cup back on the old wooden table. "He is a notary, he is probably going to do some research to be sure we are not going against my aunt's will." you drink the last of your tea, and you stand up under Doyoung's gaze. "Alright, I have to go and talk to the Devil. If you don't see me at the town hall tomorrow, it's because he sent me straight to hell."

"Same goes for me. Good luck."

When you find yourself in front of Yuta's door, you try to muster everything you have to push the door. This is not going to be fun, but it has to be done, you can't ask some stranger to be your witness, because you probably need the signature of the same person who was by your side during your actual wedding. What were you thinking when you asked Yuta? Well, maybe because at that time, you did not think you would file for divorce, and get married to him again, a year later.

"Oh, hello, pretty stranger." Yuta says when he sees you in front of the door, lost in your thoughts. But his voice is enough to bring you back were you are, and to remind you of what you have to do. "Yuta, we have to talk." you whisper, and he heads for the living room. "Do I need to sit, or can I stay up?" he asks with the shadow of a smile on his face, he thinks it is not that serious, but it is, and he is in for a surprise.

"I think you should sit down." oh, his smile fades right away, and you nibble on your lower lip. You should have rehearsed what to say, because you find yourself stupid in front of Yuta who is waiting, nervously playing with his fingers. "Can you please start to talk before I start thinking all type of crazy things."

Before you can open your mouth to say anything, Yuta speaks again, and he asks the dumbest question he could have asked. "Oh my god, are you pregnant? Yes, that's it, you are pregnant! Am I the father? No, it's been too long, and we were careful every time. Wait, we did it last week? Isn't that too short to know? Oh my god, I'm going to be a father!"

Your eyes widen at his words and you shake your head furiously. "Yuta, what the fuck? I'm not pregnant, and we did not even sleep together last week!" he heaves a sigh of relief, and you roll your eyes. He gets excited really easily, but hecan also calm down as quickly. "Oh. Then who did I sleep with last week?" you should file for divorce with your friends too. "I don't know Yuta, I do not live here to see who you bring home every day."

"Are you calling me a slut?" he cackles and you shake your head, at least, the tension is way less tense. "Yuta, I did not come here to slut shame you or anything, I do have something important I have to tell you. And to ask you too, if you are willing to listen to me until I'm done before getting mad."

"Why would I get mad? I never get mad!" he says, offended, and you grab a chair to sit in front of him, you can't stay up for that, your legs are already shaking.

"Doyoung and I are getting married tomorrow, and I need you to come to the town hall at 2 pm to be my witness and sign the papers." you blut out and you cover your mouth with your hand, because you wanted to explain the situation before coming to this part, but you apparently do not have a brain to mouth filter.

Yuta stands up so fast that he almost trips on his own feet, he opens his mouth a few times but no sound comes out. You did expect as much. "What the fuck!" he says first, and you were expecting him to start yelling, but no, his voice is barely above a whisper. "You are back with Doyoung? Why would you do something like that? Are you masochist or just plain stupid?"

"Call me stupid one more time, and I swear to God that I will kick you in the balls right here and there!" you mutter and he rolls his eyes as he sits back down. "Listen to me, understand everything, and then you will be allowed to judge me."

When he stays quiet, you start talking again.

"Doyoung's aunt passed away, and she decided to give him pretty much everything she ever had, but it is stated in the will that if he wants to get the inheritance, we still have to be wedded. So he came to me the other day, asking me if we could get married again, so he could get the inheritance."

He hums and he crosses his arms over his chest. "And what will happen after?" you shrug. "We did not talk about it just yet, but I guess we are going to divorce. Again."

He heaves a long and deep sigh as he stands up, only to pace around the living room this time. "I understand what he is asking you. If he is doing it, it is because the inheritance is worth it. But have you thought about the consequences? Do you think you are emotionally strong enough to go through another divorce?" he asks in a soft voice.

"I don't know, Yuta. But I guess I will be? I mean, this time there will be no problem with separation of property, or anything. It's just a wedding of convenience, nothing else. No feelings involved." he stops in front of you, and he puts a hand on your shoulder. "Are you sure about the last part?" you hate when he asks this question. "Doyoung is my first love, and despite everything that happened between us, he will always have a special place in my heart no matter what I say, or show, but this is over. And he has a girlfriend."

"If you promise me that you won't let your heart get broken again, then you can count on me, I will be there tomorrow to sign the papers. Again." you wrap you arms around his waist, burrying your face against his toned stomach. "I promise." you whisper, and if you had your fingers crossed behind his back, this is nobody's business.

"Look who's here."

You turn your head when Yuta speaks, and your eyes meet Doyoung's. He is closely followed by a clearly annoyed Johnny who does not look up from his phone, and you wonder how bad it was yesterday. You would give everything you have to be able to witness what happened in the confine of Johnny's apartment when Doyoung asked him to come today. Did he punch him? That probably did not happen, but it's a thought that warms your heart.

"Are you wearing the fucking suit?" you ask and he stops, a bright smile illuminating his face. "Well, it is a wedding, it's only fair to wear the suit of our first wedding." what a little shit, he told you to dress nicely, but to not go all the way like it was real fucking wedding. "I wanted to burn it a few weeks after our break up, and honestly, I'm happy I didn't do it. Maybe I'll do it during the first weekend I'll spend in the lake house to celebrate my inheritance and our second divorce."

"What if I punched you in the face?" Yuta asks, stepping out in front of you, and you have to grab his wrist to be sure he is not taking another step. "I'm sure the suit will look way better with your blood on it!" you meet Johnny's gaze and he smiles, he has no intention to step in between them, and because you know it, and won't do it either, you smile back. "What's up Y/n, it's been a while."

"I'm getting married to my ex-husband for money, you know, the usual." he chuckles and you let go of Yuta's hand when him and Doyoung seem to relax. "I almost punched him in the face when he told me. "Johnny adds, and yes, it is basic Johnny's bevahior. "You should have done it, but I guess you still have time. Maybe you could do it when we get out of the town hall, as a wedding gift?" Doyoung looks at you, and at Johnny, in time with a frown. "That's a great idea! I'll do it, and I'll give you time to take a photo."

"Maybe I should marry you instead of Doyoung." you concede, when you enter the town hall. "Maybe you should, but it's not like I never asked you before." Doyoung stops, and you almost bump against his back and he turns on his heels. "What do you mean, it's not like you never asked her?" he asks in between clenched teeth. "Why do you care man?" Johnny answers and you chuckle.

Johnny is Doyoung's best friend, and yet, he loves pissing him off as much as you do, and that's probably why you get along so well. He puts an arm over your shoulders as you climb the stairs to the right room. "You should not touch her like that, we are supposed to get married." Doyoung says in a breath, and Johnny takes a step back. "It's a fake marriage, I can do whatever I want with the bride."

"Come on kids, right now is not the right time to fight." you say before the doors open on the mayor. "You can do it later." you enter the room, Yuta on your heels and with a pretty angry Doyoung beside you.

You come out half an hour later, your old wedding ring around your finger, and Doyoung with his. You are surprised he did not throw it away. "Well, that sucked." you mumble so as not to be heard by the mayor you smile at.

"Your first wedding was more fun. Taeyong got drunk and fell into the pond." Yuta says and you laugh at the memory. Yours and Doyoung's families left pretty early, so it was only the newly neds and your friends for the whole night, and things got out of hand pretty quickly, you probably will never forget any of it, even though you should.

"So, what are we doing?" Johnny asks, burrying his hands in the pockets of his jacket. "We have an appointment with the notary tomorrow morning, so we have the rest of the day." Doyoung says with a shrug and you turn your head to watch him. "Shouldn't you go home to your girlfriend, tell her everything about how you said "I do" to me for the second time of your life?"

"Fuck off, Y/n. Do you always have to ruin everything?" you try to stay quiet, you really try, but you can't. "Do I have to ruin everything? You are the reason we got a divorce, Doyoung! Our relationship turned to shit because of you, and you have the guts to tell me to stop ruining everything? You did it first, so suck it up."

"You do whatever you want, I'm going home, I'm tired of seeing his face." you say before kissing Yuta's cheek, thanking him for being here, as always, and before disappearing in the corner of the street, you look at Doyoung one last time. "You have the certificate, you can go to the notary on your own tomorrow. Good riddance, asshole."

You know this is not part of the deal, but you really do not want to see him for something you do not have to actually be there. The certificate will be enough for the notary to understand that you are married, and Doyoung, oh all mighty stupid Doyoung will find a good lie for the date on the certificate, you do not doubt that one bit. He is a good liar after all.

It is around 2 o'clock when someone knocks on the door, and nuzzled in a blanket on the sofa with an horror movie playing on the television, you do not feel like moving to open the door. Whoever it is, they can wait, or call you if it is urgent.

You heave a sigh of relief when the knocking stops, but then, it is your phone who starts to rind and you whine loudly. You pout, but when you see Doyoung's picture on the screen, the pout turns into a frowns and you pick up. "What do you want? Another wedding?" you hear him sigh from the other side of the line. "Open the door." oh god, now you have to stand up, and for who? For Kim fucking Doyoung.

You hang up, and after a minute or two of weighting the pros and cons, you stand up, and head to the front door that you open slightly. "What?" without saying a word, he hands you a letter and you look at him without taking it. "What is that?" he rolls his eyes, arm still stretched. "A letter for us, from my aunt, that the notary gave me earlier. I didn't think it would be nice to open it without you."

"You can come in, but I want you gone in five minutes." you mumble as you push yourself from the door to let him in. "Where is the carpet my mom bought you?" he asks as he takes his jacket and shoes off. "I unfortunately dropped a few glasses of red wine on it, and it became impossible to wash out, so I threw it away. What a shame, a beautiful carpet." of course you did, he knows you never liked anything coming from his mother.

"If you have the letter with you, I guess the appointment with the notary went well?" you go back to the living room and you sit down on the armchair. "He was a bit hesitant to accept the certificate as it was dated from yesterday." that was expected. "And what did you tell him?" he heaves a long sigh as he sits directly on the ground, like he used to do when he still lived here.

"I told him we had a flooding at the house, and that our certificate got ruined. I also said that the town hall lost some files, so we had to ask for a new one." that's smart. "You should open the letter, you only have 3 minutes left before I kick your ass out of this house."

He opens the letter and he looks at the words, written prettily by his aunt probably a few years ago, when she was still here, when she had hope about their relationship.

"My loves," Doyoung starts to read out loud. "if you are reading this letter, it means I am no longer in this world, but fear not, I will always be close to you, no matter where I am. You must have been surprised when you learned about the will, about the inheritance, but let me explain. My children, well, you know them, you know how they are and they do not deserve even half of what I have. Well, had. But you, you do deserve it. You are young, full of love, and ready to start your life together. As I am writing this, you are about to get married, Y/n is also in the room with me, she is getting her makeup done, and Doyoung, she is absolutely beautiful, you are the luckiest man."

Doyoung either takes a break to catch his breath, or to let the words settle.

"So, as I was saying, you are about to start your life together, and you only deserve the best. This is why I decided to give you everything I had. Doyoung, you grew up in the lake house, you even proposed to your beautiful wife there, it is only normal for you to get it. My car, that Y/n always loved, you can have it, as well as the necklace I promised to give her when my time would come. And the rest. You can keep what you want, you can sell the rest, or give it away, make someone else happy, I trust the two of you to do what is good."

You cross your arms over your chest, lowering your head when Doyoung starts to speak again.

"You two fell in love really young, and unfortunately, the families were not supportive enough, and made you feel like what you felt was not real, that you would get over it at some point. Y/n, I want to apologize for everything they ever said, or done to you, you never did anything to deserve any of this. You both never deserved the treatment they gave you. You only deserve the best, and all of the happiness the world can give you. I hope I will help a little bit on that. Be happy, always, be there for each other, and never forget that you should never go to bed mad. Doyoung, you are stubborn, so please, take the time to listen to Y/n, and turn your tongue seven times in your mouth before speaking, you would not want to lose her. The love of your life. I love you both so much, thank you for always being by my side."

When Doyoung puts the letter back inside of the envelop, you sigh. "I did not even notice her writing back then." you say in a whisper. "But now, I understand her decision, she really was rooting for us, uh?" Doyoung nods, and he is touched by the letter, if the way his eyes are shining is anyhing to go by. "She was the only one who believed in us. She would be incredibly disappointed if she knew."

Because yes, if the situation is this tricky is because you did not tell her when you decided to break up. It was only supposed to be a few days/weeks break, but it turned into a divorce, and you were so busy with the divorce in itself, the lawyers, the moving and everything that you both forgot to tell her, and maybe it was a good thing, at least, she did not pass away sad or disappointed. Because if she knew, she would have changed her will. And to be honest, you are not even sure Doyoung's family knows.

"She would be, yes." you stay silent for a minute and when Doyoung stands up, you look up at him. "What are we doing now?"

"We should go to the lake house, so you can get whatever you want from the house, the necklace, and the books you loved so much, and then I guess we'll call the lawyer." what does it hurt so bad to hear him say that? You did not want to see him again, but after hearing what his aunt thought about you, about the relationship, it feels different, you head and your hearts are a mess.

"I'll pick you up tomorrow around 8am, so we won't come home too late, alright?" you nod, and without another word, Doyoung leaves the house, leaving behind him a heavy silence and a lot of things to think about for you.

"I hate you."

Doyoung's eyes widen at your words, and he turns his eyes but being the one driving, he can't watch you for too long. "What have I done? I did not say anything for over an hour!" he exclaims and you shrug as you look at the landcape behind the window. The city long gave way to the country side, and you have to admit that it is way prettier than all of the buildings of the city.

"The music sucks, and I still don't like your sweater."

"You need to stop hating on my sweaters, because you did not complain about them when you were cold!" he answers and you stick your tongue out at him. "Yeah well, maybe if you had agreed on letting me keep them, then maybe they would not look so ugly." he chuckles as he shakes his head. "You are impossible."

"Can I ask you a question?" he nods. "Did you tell your parents, about the divorce?" well, that was not was he was expecting. "I did, a few weeks ago." a few weeks ago, when you have been divorced for a year now, yeah, sounds valid. "They were probably very happy to learn the news." well, you were not happy about getting a divorce at such a young age, but you were definitely happy to get rid of his parents. So it's only fair that they felt the same.

"You know how they are, they told me it was for the best, that we were not made to be together, you know, what they always told us." you can hear his mother's voice in your head, and you wince at the thought. "At least I succeeded on making her happy once in my life."

You stay silent for a few minutes, but you open your mouth mouth. "And now I'm mad, because I promised myself to never do anything to make her happy! Fuck me!" Fortunately, he is at a red sign, because Doyoung starts to laugh to the point where his vision becomes blurry with tears.

"Stop laughing idiot!" you say when you hear the horns of the cars behind Doyoung's car. "Don't yell at me, it's your fault!" you can't help but to laugh along with him and it takes you a few minutes to calm down, and it's been a long time since you laughed with Doyoung, and it makes you feel.. light? And definitely happy.

"Oh my god, I don't remember the last time I came here." you say as you get out of the car when Doyoung stops the engine. The lake house is typical of a lake house, made of wood, old and yet beautiful. The flowers are blooming and it makes the entire area colorful and it is hard for you to close your mind to the memories that come with the view. "Honestly? I don't remember either."

Doyoung opens the door, and he starts to cough when it moves a cloud of dust around him. "Oh wow, I don't think my aunt came here for a long time." the house used to be clean, and smelling of fresh flowers and laundry, but today, it smells of nothing but dust and wilted flowers on the coffee table. "I have a few days off, next week, we can come to clean, if you want." you propose.

"We?" you shrug as you nudge him to enter the house, and even if it's not what it used to be, it still feels like home. And you know Doyoung feels the same, he told you so many times that he wanted nothing more than to finish his days here, with a family, and a dog. "I spent as much time in this house as you did, it's normal that I help you. But you can refuse, and clean by yourself, I don't mind."

He rolls his eyes and without another word, he climbs the stairs only to come back a few minutes later with a wooden box. "Here, take it." you take it, and you smile when you see his aunt's jewelery. She had incredible taste, and she never wanted to leave the house without wearing them.

"I'm only taking the necklace. You should give one of these rings to your girlfriend, I'm sure she would love it." you put the box on the coffee table and you take out the necklace you had fallen in love with at the second you saw Doyoung's aunt wear it. "What did you say?" you ask when Doyoung says something, but with the way his teeth are clenched, it is impossible for you to understand something.

"I said, I don't have a girlfriend." you do something you should never have done, you flop down on the couch, waving your hands to get rid of the dust around you. "What? But you said you had one the other day." he heaves a long sigh as he sits down on the ground, grimacing when he realizes how bad of an idea it was. "I know, but I did not think, I only wanted to piss you off, I guess." you roll your eyes. "You guessed right, because it did piss me off."

"For real?" this is the conversation you wish you did not need to have, but you also know that Doyoung is stubborn and he will keep hasking until you give him the answer he wants. "You know it well, I don't need to explain."

"Please, do." of fucking course.

"Doyoung, you are my first boyfriend, my first husband, and of course, my first love. And you will remain my first love, no matter how much we hate each other. No matter how much we hate each other, I will still love you." you could say, no matter if you are married or not, you will still love him, but you do not see yourself married to someone that is not him, honestly.

"I don't hate you, you know." Doyoung says, and you tilt your head to the side. "Well, you do act like you hate me, so it is a bit hard to believe what you are saying." he brings one of his leg against his chest, his chin on his knee. "It's true though, I only act like that because you hate me, and I don't want to give you another reason to hate me even more."

"So you are telling me, that you only pretend to hate me, because I hate you?" he hums. "When I only act like that because you hate me." his eyes open wide, and it is almost comical, especially when he understand what you are saying. "So you don't hate me?"

"The last months of our relationship, and of course, the divorce, it hurt me a lot, way more than I thought it would, but that never meant that I hated you. Of course, I did hate you, for a while, but like I said, you are my first love, and I always wanted you to be my only love. So no, I never hated you as much as I tried to show you for the past few months."

Doyoung chuckles. "We are idiots." but his smile slowly fades. "By the way, I wanted to apologize for what I said the other day, when I said you always found a way to ruin everything." oh yes, that hurt like a bitch, and it still hurts, thinking about it. "It's fine, Doyoung, I know you only said that because you were mad at me, but please, don't say something like that again, because it hurt. And also because I'll punch you in the throat next time."

"Threats, threats, you always threaten me, but you never do anything about it." he says in a sigh, and you gasp. "Don't push me, Doyoung, because I will act on one of the threats."

"You're all bark and no bite."

You stand up, and you pounce on Doyoung whose mouth opens in a silent scream, he was not expecting you to act on your words. "I'm not going to punch you, because you still have to drive us back home, but I will do it, one day, trust me." you say, straddling his lap.

You only realize your position on Doyoung when he stops breathing. "Oh." you could move, stand up and sit back down on the couch, but something tells you that you should stay here. You meet Doyoung's gaze, and your eyes close when his fingers brush against your cheek. "What are you doing?" you ask in a whisper and you feel him shrug. "I don't know. But tell me if you want me to stop."

You wonder what he means by that, but soon enough, you feel his lips grazing against yours and your breath hitches in your throat. Don't do it, you want to scream, you are going to ruin everything, but you find yourself unable to speak. Why? Because you are dying to kiss him. You have been dying to kiss him for so long now, you were just stubborn, and too hurt to stop denying the truth.

"Can I kiss you?" he asks in a soft voice, and you open your eyes. You can see so many emotions in his eyes, so many emotions you had not seen in a long time. And you know you shouldn't, you know you should stop whatever is happening, get your stuff and ask him to drive you back home, but something is stopping you. Your heart is taking over your brain. "Please."

The feeling of his soft lips against yours is enough to bring back so many memories. The nights you spent in this living room, in front of the lit fireplace, kissing and giggling like teenagers trying to not wake up his parents and his aunt. You were in love back then, and the world did not exist around you. It was the two of you and only the two of you.

And it still is the same no matter what happened the past few months.

"I love you, I always loved you, and I will always love you." Doyoung says against your lips.

Four months later.

"What the hell are you doing? There are people around!" you explain when you see Doyoung kneeling on the ground, in front of all the friends you had invited for a weekend at the lake house. "Doyoung, come on, get up!"

He shakes his head, and he takes out a red silk case, the same one you have seen so many times placed on his aunt's dressing table. The one her husband proposed to marry her when she was barely 18. The same age you were when Doyoung first proposed to you. The conversations around stop, and you are pretty sure you heard a gasp.

"I know we've done it twice already. Once for love, and once for this house, but I want this time to be the one for eternity. This past year without you has been the worst, since you weren't by my side, for the first time since our teenage years. Life without you makes no sense, and I intend to take this second chance to redo everything, and to redo everything perfectly. My aunt said we deserved it, and you know what? I agree with her. That's why I would like to ask you to be my wife. Again."

He takes a deep breath, and he almost loses his balance but you are quick to put a hand on his shoulder to help him out. Even though it is not the first time, it does feel like it, you feel butterflies in your stomach, and your heart is pounding in your chest. "Of course I want to be your wife, Doyoung." you say and his smile is so bright that you almost have to look away, but you do not. This is the smile you love more than anything in the world.

This is Doyoung's smile. And you always loved him. And you know that whatever life throws at you, you will overcome everything, as long as you are together. And as long as you communicate.

[beyondspaceandstars]

While You Sleep

Chapter 4

Relationship: Bucky Barnes x Reader Warnings: angst, mention of violence, slow burn Summary: Soulmate!AU - Throughout life, you’re given glimpses of your soulmate through dreams. As you sleep, memories flash in your mind showing you the life your soulmate has lived. Everyone around you raves about how their soulmate reads great books or volunteers in their spare time. But you can’t relate as your dreams end up being more like nightmares. Through initial images of death and violence, you come to learn your soulmate is the Winter Soldier. 

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

Hope was surprisingly actually kept alive as suddenly you were seeing the blonde-haired super soldier every morning. Sometimes even in the afternoon. While his order never changed -- quite the man with a plan as he certainly liked to stick to a routine -- he became much more talkative. 

It started out as the littlest things. Steve would bid you a good morning or ask you about some breaking news he saw the other day. You entertained the chit-chat quite well in between orders. Steve had practically taken over the seat at the bar, the same one you had offered him that one nerve-wracking day.

Wondering what he would ask you about each day certainly helped to keep your mind off things. Granted, it didn’t totally block out the fact you were speaking to your soulmate’s best friend, but the conversations mixed with that tinge of hope sure did keep thought about the nightmares at bay. 

Nothing was exactly progressing or regressing with the nightmares. They were at a sort of standstill in your mind. They were filled with violence but still were of older times, decades ago. The emotions, though, were not letting up. If you didn’t wake up with vivid imagery of knives being flung and guns being loaded, you sure did wake up with a roller coaster of feelings rushing through you. 

But what was felt from your soulmate didn’t exactly align with what the nightmares told. The small glimpses of Bucky’s eyes as the Winter Soldier wasn’t filled with… anger, sadness, regret. They were just… eyes. They held little to nothing outside of stoic determination. If lines were getting crossed, you weren’t sure. You still walked around feeling like a freakshow on display despite the fact no one, especially your coworker who had seen you initially crash and burn, ever asked you about the soulmate “dreams.”

Well, that was until Steve started getting more comfortable at the coffee shop.

One afternoon, he had apparently decided to get bold. He was lounging at the little bar area and you could feel his eyes watching you clean up some syrup bottles. 

Steve broke the silence, asking you something that he typically always did: “How are you?”

You shrugged with your back still facing him. “I’m doing okay, Steve. How are you?”

“No,” he let out an awkward cough. Your brows furrowed as you turned to him, abandoning your task. “How are you?” He asked with such a pointed look that your heart sank. 

You fumbled with the rag you were still holding, trying to look anywhere but at Steve -- but his demanding presence didn’t allow for it.

“If I’m being honest, not much is getting better,” you admitted. “I still see things, sure, but it's really about the feelings I get. They are so strong but I don’t know how. The dreams are like old memories or something, I’m not sure anymore.”

Steve nodded then looked down at his lukewarm coffee. You didn’t know how he didn’t get tired of that stuff, but you were past thinking he actually came in for the coffee anymore. 

“Thought they would’ve lightened up by now,” Steve eventually said. Your eyes shot to him. Every other word out of this man’s mouth seemed to stun you. You were nearly convinced he knew everything.

You wanted to tread on this, but carefully. 

“Why…” you sighed. “Why do you say that?”

“Hmm?” Steve hummed as if he didn’t hear your question. Your eyes narrowed in confusion. 

“I asked, why do you say that?”

He looked away, this time at the lines of syrup bottles behind you. He seemed lost in thought, his eyes shining with concern. Maybe he just needed that push and you wanted him to confirm… something, anything. 

Steve snapped back to you suddenly. “Just thought since it’s been a few weeks it’d be better.”

You looked to the ceiling, taking a deep breath. “Steve, do you-,” 

You were abruptly cut off by Steve getting up and placing his empty coffee mug on the counter. “Thanks for the coffee.” That was his final parting words for the day before he walked out of the shop, leaving you standing there confused and annoyed. 

But this wasn’t going to be over. Especially not after you went home that night, settled into bed, and gave into the nightmares. While still past memories, they were only a few years old. And featured Steve. Flashed of a bruised, tragic-looking Captain America played out quickly. The feelings washing over you were those of strong love but even stronger regret. Everything pounded in you as the nightmares played, coming in a weird kaleidoscope of clips. The hurt you felt was overwhelming. But there was also just so much… Worry. Fear. Your soulmate was afraid. Afraid of what exactly, you didn’t know, but he was consumed. 

You woke up in the early morning hours, heart pounding, feeling raw from that nightmare. Everything felt powerful like the final straw was snapped in you. You needed stuff to lessen and, supposedly, that could come with actually meeting your soulmate. You didn’t know the logistics of it all, people had been so vague as they preferred to fawn over and treasure the initial dreams, but there were ideas out there about how once soulmates formally met they created new shared dreams. Together, through the connection. These could be just as bad or they could be just as good as the original telepath. No matter the fact, you needed something. You were begging for this pull to loosen. The world was setting you up with this man and you had to see about it. Maybe get some kind of closure, at least. You were exhausted from playing it safe with Steve. Everything from his dumbass vague phrases to his hovering gaze gave you your answers. 

You were once again a woman on a mission, but this time you couldn’t hide behind a coffee counter and brewing espresso. 

You called out of work but showed up at opening time. Your coworker stared at you in surprise when the bell rang but you just gave her a wave and made yourself comfortable at a table right by the door. You sat very still, staring at the glass door, watching the patrons. 

A glance at the clock told you Steve was late for his usual coffee run but you weren’t giving in. If he had any inkling about your confusion he would show, be the confident man he could be and face you. 

Thankfully, you were correct. It was mid-morning by the time Steve strolled in, definitely not surprised to see you patiently waiting. Your eyes locked immediately as he gave a defiant sigh. But he didn’t bypass you for the counter. Instead, after you gave a single nod, he sat at the table, directly across from you. 

“Good morning,” Steve greeted you but he lacked that award-winning smile he always gave with it.

“Good morning,” you said, suddenly feeling iffy under his gaze. You had to practically shake yourself out of it to get back on track. You weren’t backing out, not after what you had felt last night. This would consume you after so many years. Your soulmate was going to consume you if you didn’t man up. “I think we need to talk.”

Steve nodded. “I agree.”

You sighed, a bit relieved. He possibly did know, your suspicions were confirmed. “These nightmares I have - they’re about-,”

“Bucky,” Steve answered so simply, you were almost jealous by how the name rolled off his tongue with ease. That was your soulmate and you could barely talk about him. But that was ending, you reminded yourself. Right now, you were taking steps. Life had become a whirlwind but maybe you needed it. 

“Yes,” you confirmed. “Everything I see it’s from his days as… you know what.”

“The Winter Soldier.”

You groaned in annoyance with yourself. “I’m sorry, this is just so weird for me,” you said. “I just learned the other day him and I are… And it’s a lot. Everything is a lot. I see and feel so much in the nightmares that I needed to make progress or something but, truthfully, I don’t know how to go about any of this.”

Steve nodded, his eyes looking very sympathetic. He leaned forward, his arms now resting on the surface. You shifted in your seat, staring down at the wood patterns of the table. Steve didn’t seem to mind the lack of eye contact, though, as he began. 

“I’ve known about you for a while,” Steve admitted. “When Bucky began getting back to himself he would talk about you every now and then. I-I don’t know when he realized it but he’d tell me bits of what he thought you looked like, where you went to school, the coffee shop you were always in… And, well, it didn’t take long for me to realize it was you he was seeing in dreams. But he doesn’t know that I see you nearly every day,” Steve let out a light chuckle, almost in disbelief of himself. “And he certainly doesn’t know the dreams he’s relaying to you. I don’t think he’s ever thought about it, honestly.”

Your heart jumped knowing your soulmate actually knew about you. Saw you. Got the loveliest dreams about you. It made you feel pretty good, really. You were glad you were giving him something light, relaxing, after everything he had seen. Maybe that was a fair trade. As long as your soulmate was okay.

“He doesn’t know I see all those… Things?” You asked, your voice dropping a bit timidly.

Steve sighed, shaking his head. “If I had to guess, it would have something to do with the fact that he’s remembering everything,” he said. “Everything he had done, the people and violence… All that comes back to him. He’s said he remembers it all. That’s probably the feelings you’re getting with the nightmares - him handling the aftermath.” 

Your heart dropped at that. You lifted your gaze to meet Steve’s, seeing he was wearing a similar mix of sadness and worry. It was still strange to feel this ache when you were awake.

But you understood, at least, as much as you could. It sounded like there was some healing going on, with everything coming in waves. Did you like that you had to suffer because of it? No. But that was your soulmate and a deep part of you wanted to just take all that pain away for him personally. 

“It’s not fair he has to deal with all this,” you said. 

Steve agreed, “It’s not.”

“But I want to help,” you spoke with such sudden determination. Steve gave you a confused look. “Would he… Would he want to meet me?”

That look of surprise on him suddenly morphed into some form of relief, with a bit of a smirk playing on Steve’s lips. 

“I think I could arrange that.”

“R-Really?” Your hands were practically shaking at this point but Steve seemed too cool and collected, almost proud of the situation he was concocting. 

“If I’m being honest, he mentions something about you nearly every other day.”

Your jaw went slack, now making you the surprised one. “But you knew who I was. Why didn’t you just tell him?”

“Would you have honestly been comfortable if I just sent him in here?”

Well, he had you there. You sighed, shaking your head, sinking a bit in your seat. 

“Yeah, he wouldn’t either,” Steve mumbled. “But it’ll be okay. I’ll figure out something.”

You nodded, maybe a bit too eager. “Thank you.”

Steve gave a small smile then averted his gaze to the table as if debating what to say next. You thought the conversation had wrapped up nicely but there was another thing you didn’t expect to hear about.

“You know,” Steve began, “back in the day, Buck never had any dreams and while now we know why,” he motioned towards you. You blushed. “We had just figured he didn’t have a soulmate or something. Like the world had just happened to screw up…” His voice trailed, letting out a brief sigh. “I can’t imagine his relief when he got the first images of you.”

Your heart swelled. It took everything in you not to choke out sobs. The feeling of hope and… love suddenly wash over you. It was such a distant feeling but it was all coming. Slowly, it was becoming an acquaintance. 

“Do you have a soulmate, Steve?”

He nodded. “I did.” You frowned at the past-tense use of the word. “But that time has come and gone. I’m more than happy to help Bucky get his.”

The lovely feelings crept back, stronger than ever. Just the thought of being in the same area as your soulmate was making it bloom even more.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Bucky Barnes Series Taglist:

@reichelhache @bella-bear03 @rvgrsbrns @thebadassbitchqueen @libraries-and-coffee @adoringanakin​ @heartbeats-wildly @japzalileo @aayaissaa @takemedancingmaine @bahama-mama-llama @ella_italian

[watchmegetobsessed]

VALERIE - Part X. (Harry Styles)

I can’t believe the time has come, this is the lats part of VALERIE! I won’t be long here, will leave a longer message at the end, but I just want to thank you all for reading an dliking this story, it means somuch to me, because I worked a lot on it! So thank you so much for giving it your love!

word count: ~7.5k

SERIES MASTERPOST

masterlist

The days and weeks blur into one dark mess around you as you’re just going through the motions, surviving day by day. The pain you first felt after everything that happened with Harry started to turn into a numbness in your chest until you just simply stopped feeling anything at all. 

Following the encounter in the car he tried to call you several times, but you were quick to turn your phone off and delete all the messages he left. He kept on going for an entire week, trying to get you to talk to him, but you refused to even be in the same room as him, your anger was still blinding and you didn’t trust yourself with not killing him if you laid your eyes on him. 

He sent you texts, emails, even left letters in your mailbox, but you threw them away not wanting to hear his petty excuses about why he made you miserable for so long. 

There were days when you weakened and almost reached out for him. In the past few months when your relationship abruptly changed, you definitely felt yourself fall for him, but then you reminded yourself that he chose to hurt you in the past on purpose and didn’t even try to change, not even when he saw how much his behavior affected you. 

Slowly, the calls and messages got less frequent until they stopped. You haven’t heard from him in over two months and though you still find yourself lying in bed with tears in your eyes, thinking about him, you’ve made yourself believe that you are better off without him. He has probably moved on already and got back to his playboy habits. He was always good in that, picking up random chicks, using them and then throwing them away when he felt like that. 

You never told anyone what really happened. One time you just broke down in front of Rosa when he mentioned something about Harry. You couldn’t speak or breathe and she didn’t try to force you to tell her the story, but she figured it was something serious if you were so broken. She stopped bringing him up even though some days you were dying to hear just the smallest crumb of information about him. 

You could only hope that time would heal the wound on your heart, but for a very long time you thought you wouldn’t feel like yourself again ever. But somehow, as the weeks rushed by you and life has gotten busy around you, you slowly stopped thinking about him every minute of the day until you were able to push it to the back of your mind and carry on with your life. Or at least pretend like you stopped thinking about him. 

Two weeks after Harry’s confession you and Marcus broke up. You just had to face that it wouldn’t have worked no matter how hard you were trying. You hated how you could hear Harry’s words when you finally ended things, how he told you that you have to let go of him and you wouldn’t admit, but when you cried yourself to sleep that night, it wasn’t because of Marcus, but because you were missing Harry.

On his birthday you almost broke and sent him a text, even typed it in, but you deleted it not long after. You wondered how he spent it, thinking he must have had a party or something, but you were surprised when Rosa called you that evening to talk about something entirely different.

“You didn’t have plans tonight?” you carefully asked with a hint of suspicion. It was weird that if Harry was having a birthday party, Rosa and Steven weren’t invited.

“No, nothing. Why?” she asked, but she knew exactly your reason behind the question.

“Doesn’t matter.”

You found it weird, but didn’t let yourself rave about it too long or else you would have found yourself going down the same spiral you were trying to get out of for so long. 

Each passing day brought a different emotion and you had to find your way through life while fighting them. You couldn’t see further than just a few days ahead and though it scared you, how drained and dark everything felt, there was not much you could do other than… wait.

***

Sitting at the dinner table you listen to Steven talk about this new coworker he has and how clumsy the dude is, your plate is half full in front of you but you don’t feel like you’ll be able to finish it anyway. 

Rosa looks in your way, her eyes flickering down at your plate and she lets out a worried sigh.

“Y/N, have you been eating enough? You look so… skinny.”

“I’ve just been busy lately, skipping a few meals,” you tell her with an absentminded smile, trying to stop her from worrying, but she knows you better than that. Nodding at her husband they exchange a silent conversation before Steven leaves the table excusing himself, and taking Valerie with himself he walks upstairs leaving the two of you alone.

“Y/N, I’m seriously worried about you. This… can’t go on like this.”

“It’s not like I chose to be so miserable,” you mumble under your breath, but she ignores the comment. 

“Look, I’ve been very patient with you, didn’t push you to talk about what happened, but I feel like you are crossing a line that’s very dangerous and I’m not just gonna watch you lose yourself.” 

Taking a deep breath she leans back in her chair with a look in her eyes you don’t get too often, only when she is ready to go full mother mode on you.

“What Harry did was fucked up, I gotta give it to you. Acting like a dick all those years, there’s no excuse for that. But I don’t understand why you rejected him so harshly when he told you about his feelings.”

“So he told you what happened,” you roll your eyes. You definitely did not tell her anything, so it must have been Harry.

“Don’t pretend like you weren’t expecting it. He always says how much Steven gossips, but he was the one who barged in here when you two had that major fight.”

“What? He came here right after?” you ask and Rosa realizes that maybe she should have kept it to herself, but it’s too late now. 

“He did. He was a hot mess, it was… the first time I ever saw him cry.” You bite into your bottom lip. That night had the same effect on you and though deep down you were hoping he felt the same pain, it was still surprising to hear about the state he was in after you parted ways. “He told us about everything, and though I wanted to murder him for the way he treated you for that long, I could see the panic in his eyes when he said how you reacted. As if… he just saw the apocalypse or something.”

“Don’t make it more dramatic than it really was,” you sigh, but Rosa keeps a straight face.

“I’m not. Probably shouldn’t tell you this, but he was shaking, couldn’t breath evenly, I think he went through a whole panic attack, all because of you.” You keep your mouth shut as you listen to your sister talking. “He explained it in details, everything that happened at the wedding, after that and since then. Went through the whole story and when he finished, he didn’t even have to say it out loud, I knew how painfully in love he was with you all along. That doesn’t change the fact that he should have handled the situation in a better way, but at least he acknowledged his own mistakes. He asked me if I thought you’d ever forgive him.”

“And what did you say?”

“I said that I genuinely didn’t know. And I still don’t know. Because I’m looking at you being just a ghost of yourself, clearly still in pain because of him, but you still didn’t even give him the chance to talk. You’d rather destroy yourself than to face him and your own feelings for him.”

Her words sting more than you were expecting and those stupid tears are welling in your eyes again, even though you truly thought you were drained out by now. Looking down at your hands you feel your face contorting as you start crying.

“Oh, Sweetheart,” Rosa breathes out and taking your hand she pulls you to the couch in the living room. She sits right next to you, pulling you into her arms as you start sobbing. “I know it hurts, but he didn’t mean to hurt you like that.”

“It’s not even that,” you choke out, not holding it back anymore. “I miss him so much, Rosa! I don’t want to, but I miss him so much!”

“Then why are you torturing yourself?”

“Because how am I supposed to believe him after what he did? What guarantees that it’s not just another stupid game for him, how do I know that? I don’t know how to believe him anymore.”

Rosa pushes you away so she can wipe your cheeks with her thumbs, a warm smile sitting on her lips as you try to control your sobbing. 

“You can’t know that. You just… have to put yourself all out and hope for the best.”

“I was really hoping you wouldn’t say that,” you grimace, making her laugh. 

“You think it was easy when I met Steven?”

“What do you mean?” you huff sitting up straight.

“I just got out of a horrible relationship, definitely not in the mood to date anyone and I was also very scared that everything would just happen the same way as before. It took me so much time to trust him even though he didn’t do anything wrong. I had to get over these fears and just believe that it won’t be the same. Nothing can guarantee you that you won’t end up with a heartbreak.”

“This is definitely not what I wanted to hear,” you choke out through your teary eyes, but manage to turn it into a laugh as Rosa chuckles with you pulling you in for another hug.

“I know, but it’s the truth.” She fixes your hair as you lean back from her. “So tell me. If you think about Harry, what’s the first thing that comes to your mind?”

You don’t answer right away, but the answer comes to you quickly. At the mention of Harry you don’t think of all the pain and hurt he has caused you, but of the good times you spent together. When you were struggling with Valerie the first time you looked after her and he came to the rescue.

“Maybe she needs to be changed?” Harry suggests holding her up, giving her butt a sniff, but you roll your eyes at him.

“You don’t think that was one of the first things I did? She is as clean as she could be. Maybe I should just call Rosa,” you sigh in defeat reaching for your phone but Harry snaps at you.

“No! Don’t, we can figure this out. Steven has been so excited to have a night off, we can’t ruin this for them. Come on, we have to have the slightest parenting skills and solve this without them.”

Nodding you agree with him, but you’ve completely run out of ideas.

“So what do you suggest?”

You can see the gears turning in Harry’s head as he is trying to come up with a plan, but it’s not like either of you have any experience with babies. The idea of calling Rosa is starting to burn in the back of your head, fear of failing this challenge taking over your thoughts.

Then Harry looks at you with a look that screams that he has an idea. You’re just about to ask what came into his mind when all of a sudden he starts to sing.

“Well, sometimes I go out by myself and I look across the water, and I think of all the things what you’re doing and in my head I paint a picture…”

You instantly recognize Amy Whinehouse’s iconic song, the one that’s also behind Valerie’s name, you know that for sure. Rosa was obsessed with the song growing up, she would sing it on the way to school, in the shower or while making dinner. You weren’t surprised she chose this name for her first daughter.

What surprises you that Harry sings like a literal angel. He hits the notes perfectly, nailing the lines like not many can and you listen to him with parted lips, eyebrows raised. This was the last thing you expected from him, but then again, it’s not the first time Harry has surprised you through the years of knowing him.

You still can’t help but smile how the two of you, incompetent godparents had to put up a whole show to put Valerie to sleep. 

Then there was Christmas, when the two of you played never have I ever until six in the morning, having the best time you’d had in a long time.

“Never have I ever said the wrong person’s name while having sex.” A devilish smile sits on your lips as you watch him drink while you do the same. You see his eyebrows rise over the glass.

“Nasty,” he huffs. “When did that happen?”

“First year of college. I was casually seeing a guy, but I wasn’t really over my last ex from high school and accidentally called him Ethan.”

“And what was his real name?”

“I don’t even remember,” you admit with a laugh, clearly feeling the alcohol slowly kicking in. Harry’s mouth hangs open before his expressions turn into that iconic ‘not bad’ face.

“Never have I ever had a wet dream about a friend of mine,” Harry asks and you feel your cheeks heating up right away, eyes snapping down at your glass. Unwillingly, but you drink as Harry does the same. “Who was it?”

“I’m not answering this one,” you shake your head. 

“Come on! I promise it’ll stay between us. Was it Steven?” he grins at you, clearly enjoying your embarrassment. “I bet it was Steven.”

“Shut up, it wasn’t!” you snap at him rolling your eyes.

“Okay, then who? I won’t sleep tonight if you don’t tell me!” he begs, but you shake your head stubbornly. “Do I know him?” Oh, all too well, you think to yourself. “Is it someone who was there at the bar last time?”

“Can we move past it?” you sigh painfully.

“No, no way. I’m not leaving you alone until you tell me!”

“It was you.”

The words slip out fast and a little quiet, but he hears them clear. His lips part, a truly stunned look pulls on his face and you just wish you didn’t say a word.

The thought of sleeping next to him that evening, or rather morning, it felt like you’ve reached a huge milestone. You didn’t admit it then, but you were already falling for him, harder than you wanted. The whole next day and the two of you sleeping together again the next night, it still holds a special place in your heart. You truly felt happy with him and it wouldn’t have been the same without him. 

And there are so many more that make you smile just by thinking about them. Even after everything that happened, he is still the one that makes you smile.

Turning to Rosa you can’t even answer, just sigh in despair, but it tells her everything she needs to know.

“Listen. I know it’s hard, and that he hurt you badly, but… at least give him a chance to talk to you.”

“What if he doesn’t even want to talk anymore?” you huff. “Maybe he already has someone--”

Rosa starts laughing, maybe louder than she should and you look at her with a surprised expression.

“Ah, there’s no way. The guy has been moping around, barely even leaving his home for weeks. I can’t even get him out to go walking with me and Val. There’s no way he picked anyone up. No woman would stand the long face he has been sporting. So don’t worry about that.”

You sit there for a little while, trying your best to clear your thoughts and it’s nice that Rosa is there with you. If it wasn’t for her and Steven, all of this would have happened so differently, or maybe it wouldn’t have even happened. 

“Who would have thought this is where we would end up?” you sigh the rhetorical question, but Rosa gifts you with an answer.

“I did,” she nods confidently.

“What?”

“Oh, I saw the way you two looked at each other at the wedding. And I’m not gonna say that our choice for the two of you to be godparents was strategic, but… we definitely had some secret intentions with it.”

“What the Hell, Rosa?!” you gasp at her. 

“Oh come on!” she rolls her eyes. “I knew there was something, I was just not sure where it’s gonna head. And I’m not a nosy old lady to poke my nose into your business, so I was just enjoying the show.”

“I hate you so much,” you chuckle, shaking your head, but you couldn’t be mad at her. You have no idea how it will end, but at the end, you are still happy for the memories you share with Harry.

***

Friday evenings used to be Harry’s favorite. There was always something happening, somewhere to go, someone to meet up with, but it hasn’t been like that for a while now. Nothing seemed interesting or fun enough to get him out of his home. Instead, his usual became to just sit at home, contemplate if he should call you, then have way too much to drink and fall asleep either on the couch or if he made it to his bed, he thought about that day a lucky one. 

Not one day went by without the paining thought of the look he saw in your eyes when you told him you didn’t want to see him. It felt like his whole world collapsed right on top of him and for weeks he felt like he wouldn’t ever see the sunlight from under the debris. 

He had no one to blame but himself, and he really put a lot of effort into punishing himself. Cutting everything out from his life that brought him even the slightest joy, he was ready to live the rest of his life in sorrow. 

Tonight is no different. He had a long day and arriving home he was quick to fix himself a drink before sinking down to the couch, not even bothering to turn the lights on. He likes the darkness, it’s comforting and fits his mood nowadays. Sipping on his drink he sinks down on the couch, letting his eyes close as he gives himself a few moments to rest his mind and body. When his glass empties out he decides to just have a shower and call it a day, not feeling like dealing with anything, but just as he is on his way to the bathroom, his doorbell rings.

You’ve been standing at his front door for about fifteen minutes now. You noticed how it was all dark in his house, but his car was on the driveway and you knew he is not one to walk anywhere, so you figured that he might just be in the bathroom or something. But the longer you stood on his doormat, the harder it was getting for you to actually ring the bell.

It’s been a few days since your talk with Rosa and you haven’t stopped thinking about everything she said, coming to the conclusion that even though you still have no idea what you wanted from Harry, you had to give him another chance to talk. 

You almost left two times, walking down the stairs before running back up to the door. The third time you actually rang the doorbell, but when you heard it, when you realized that you actually pushed the button, you almost threw up.

Now you are hearing his footsteps coming towards the door and when he opens it and you see him standing right in front of you, for a short moment you forget to breathe. Last time you saw him you were ready to throw hands at him, but now… you would rather just run up to him and hug him as tight as you can.

It’s clear he hasn’t been his usual self either, the dark circles under his eyes are proof that he hasn’t been spending too much time sleeping, his posture lacks his usual confidence and he looks a lot paler than you rememberred him. 

“Hey,” you manage to breathe out as he stares at you like you’re a ghost. And honestly? You feel like one. 

As if Harry just suddenly wakes up, he steps back holding the door open for you. “Come on in!” he urges you and you shyly smile at him walking past him. It’s completely dark inside, but he is quick to switch the lights on once the front door is closed again.

“I, uhh-- do you want something to drink? Or eat?” he offers, rubbing his palms against his thighs, but you shake your head no.

“Can we talk? Or is it a bad time for you?”

“No, I have absolutely nothing to do. Take a seat,” he gestures towards the couch and the two of you walk over, sitting down on the two sides with a considerably big space in between. 

You have absolutely no idea what to say. You should have come here prepared, or at least should have thought about how to start this, because now you’re just sitting there in the most awkward silence you’ve ever had to put up with. But before you could figure out what to say, Harry breaks the deafening silence.

“Y/N, I’m… so sorry. For everything. I know that I already told you that, but I will never stop apologizing. Because what I did was absolutely inappropriate, no matter what stood behind my actions. I swear I had the right intention at the beginning, but I had to face a situation I never had before, and I panicked. A-And when I realized what I did… I guess I thought it was too late to back out.”

You watch him scoot a little closer as he takes a deep breath and continues.

“I was a proper idiot. I hurt you because I couldn’t deal with my own feelings and I expected you to just… forget about it when I finally came clear to you, but you had every right to be mad at me. You still do. And I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t want to see me again, like, ever… but I want you to know, that I love you, and I will never forgive myself for what I did to you.”

You can’t push the smile down that tugs on your lips. All those fears you talked about to Rosa, how you don’t know if you’re gonna be able to believe him, they faded away the moment he said he loves you. And though you still have so much to talk about and work on, you just know you need him. No matter how mad you’ve been, how much pain he caused you, he is the one you are meant to be with and no one can change your mind about that.

Pushing yourself closer your knee bumps against his thigh and you reach out, running your fingers down the side of his face. He sucks on his breath at your touch, leaning into it immediately and you cup his face in your palm.

“You have to forgive yourself,” you tell him softly and his eyes flicker up to meet your gaze. “Because one day I will forgive you and I can’t have you stuck in the past if we are gonna give it a try.”

His eyebrows rise up at your last words, lips parting as he stares at you in awe. You surprised yourself a little with what you just said, you weren’t planning on going into such depths, but it just felt natural and you knew it had to be said. It’s not gonna be easy, build up your trust in him and a whole relationship after everything happened, but you’d never forgive yourself if you didn’t even try. 

“I’ll need you to be patient with me, and I promise I’ll try my best to move forward with you, but I know that one day it’s all gonna be alright. And if you really feel the way you told me, I think we could give it a try. Give us a try.”

A sweet and relieved chuckle shakes through his chest as he reaches forward, his arms curling around you as he pulls you into his tight embrace. You hug his neck sharing his laughter, the warmth of his body pressed against yours wiping clean all the misery you went through alone in the past weeks.

“Of course I feel that way!” he breathes out, talking against your neck. “I love you and I’m gonna prove it to you every fucking day for the rest of my life.”

Blinking your tears away you lean back so you can see his beautiful eyes and you shiver when you see them filled with tears. For a few moments the two of you are just staring at each other with growing smiles, your hands slide up his chest and stop at the back of his neck as you pull him closer, resting your forehead against his.

“I’m still mad at you,” you tell him, but you can’t stop yourself from breaking a smile. Harry chuckles lightly, nuzzling his nose against yours.

“Does this mean you won’t let me kiss you?”

“If you don’t kiss me, I’ll be fucking fuming,” you warn him, making him laugh, but he surely doesn’t want to try his luck, because a moment later he presses his lips against yours, capturing them in a sweet first, but not really first kiss. 

He kisses you over and over again, not wanting to pull away, he feels like he can’t get enough of you, and you share the feeling. The urge to touch him feel his hot skin under your fingertips is numbing and you just want to stay like this forever, locked in his arms, feeling him shower you with his love.

“I love you, Y/N. I love you so fucking much,” he breathes out when you finally pull away and your heart is threatening to break out of your chest every time you hear him say those words. You cup his cheeks in your hands and make him look you in the eyes.

“I love you too, Harry,” you whisper, and as the words roll down your tongue, it feels like something inside you just clicked. Like you found exactly where you should be at this moment. Like you found your home.

“Say that again, please,” he breathes out, fingers digging into your waist.

“I love you,” you tell him with a growing smile, before you pull him in for another kiss. Then another… and another…

***

“Up! Up!” Valerie demands, her tiny hands up in the air as she reaches towards you. Chuckling you lean down and lift her up into your arms, earning a sweet giggle from her.

“Are You excited about your baby brother? He’s gonna be here very soon,” you tell her and she looks at you with her bright eyes nodding her head.

“I be big sista’!” she cheers throwing her hands into the air and you nod chuckling. 

“Yes, you will be a big sister!”

“Hopefully a patient and good big sister, right, Val?” Rosa speaks up from behind the two of you, her bump so big, it seems like she could pop any minute, but she still has two weeks until her due date. She’s been joking about carrying a mega baby for quite some time now.

Val just nods at what her mother said before she demands to be let down and the moment her feet touch the grass, she is off to conquer something new.

“Everything alright, momma?” you ask your sister and she sighs with a tired smile.

“I’m fine, could use a good night sleep without having to get up to pee every two hours.”

You just chuckle and slide a hand over her bump, just when you feel the little boy kick in there. You gasp at the feeling of a tiny foot, or maybe hand meeting your palm over Rosa’s tummy.

“He is feisty,” she chuckles, running a hand over her tummy as well. 

“Do you guys have a name already?”

“Uh, not yet. But you know me, will probably decide it when he pops out. That was kind of the case with Val too.”

The two of you turn to the side when you hear the laughter of the little girl in talk and you see Harry throwing her over his shoulder as if she was just a little doll, and Valerie is enjoying how he is tossing her around even throwing her up in the air before catching her.

You can’t hide your widening smile at the sight of your goddaughter and boyfriend being the best duo. Harry never fails to amaze you how great he is with little kids, but it’s also funny if you think back at the time he had to come over to your place because he was freaking out the first time he was babysitting Val. He has come a long way since then for sure.

“So, how is living with Harry going?” Rosa asks when she sees that you can’t take your eyes off Harry. 

The two of you moved in together just a few months ago, and though you had quite some fears about moving too fast, you can’t say any of them were relevant. The transition from living alone to living with Harry was fast and smooth, as if it was always meant to happen so fast. It was actually his idea, when your lease was nearing its end in March, he mentioned that you could always just move to him and not look for another place. It took you a few days, but you eventually made the decision to take this step in your relationship, and now you couldn’t be happier with your choice. You get to come home to him after work, share a bed and wake up next to him every day. You wouldn’t want it any other way.

“It’s pretty great. Going better than I thought,” you admit truthfully.

“I hope you know mom is already planning your wedding,” she scoffs and you just roll your eyes.

“I know. She’s been hinting it for Harry as well.”

“Has she?”

“Yeah. Like, every time she sees him, she makes sure he knows that he is expected to propose as soon as possible.”

“And how does that sit with Harry?” You just smile shrugging your shoulder.

“He dodges it every time, but I feel like he is fine with it. Maybe he is already planning it.”

“I bet he is,” Rosa grins. “The guy is head over heels in love with you, anyone could see that.”

Just as she says that, Harry’s eyes catch your stare and he grins at you putting Valerie down. You bite into your bottom lip as he fixes his shirt waving in your way.

“Oh shit, I think Val is about to throw dirt at Aunt Monica, gotta stop her,” Rosa snaps seeing her daughter grab a handful of dirt and heading in your aunt’s direction.

You just chuckle as Harry walks up to you, arms curling around your waist as he steals a quick kiss.

“Saw you staring with those pretty eyes, babe,” he teases you as you place your hands on his biceps.

“I’m not sorry. I like looking at what’s mine.” He grins shaking his head at you before kissing you once more. “I love seeing you with Val,” you admit smiling up at him.

“Yeah?”

“Mhm, you’re really good with her.”

He nods and stays silent for a little as you slide your hands up to his shoulders, tilting your head to the side.

“Just wait until you see me with our babies,” he shyly mumbles, but it surely makes your heart skip a beat. You’d be lying if you said you haven’t thought about having babies with Harry, but hearing it from his mouth just hits differently.

“So you’re thinking about babies already?” you tease him smirking.

“I mean… we surely practice the baby making quite a lot,” he jokes and you smack his chest playfully for the dirty joke, but you laugh with him. “I wouldn’t mind if it was our babyshower already,” he admits with a shy smile.

“You know, there’s an order for things, and baby making is not up next,” you tell him pointing a finger at him.

“Yeah? What is then?” he grins knowingly, just wanting to make you say it. But instead, you just hold up your hand and wiggle your empty fingers. “Oh, I wouldn’t have figured, not with all the hints your mom has been dropping,” he chuckles.

“She’s just excited!” you defend her.

“Mhm, and what about you? Are you excited?”

“Is this your attempt at trying to figure out if I would say yes?”

“Maybe, I’m not confirming anything,” he cheekily smiles, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “So? Hypothetically, if I were to pop the question in the near future, what would you say?”

“Well, hypothetically, I think I would say yes,” you say, a wide smile spreading across his ridiculously handsome face. “But you know, reality would be different, so, you have to really ask the question to find out,” you add trying to look unbothered, but you start laughing as he digs his fingers into your side.

“Alright, alright. I got the hint,” he chuckles leaning down as he kisses you. “Don’t worry. I got it all under control.”

“Oh, I don’t worry. I know you too well, Harry Styles. All too well!” you tease him.

“And you love me for everything you know about me, am I right?” he grins proudly. You think about teasing him a little more, but you can never lie about how much you love him. It’s just impossible to deny it, even if it’s just a joke.

So taking a deep breath you just smile up at him nodding.

“Of course,” you tell him, pecking his lips shortly. His hand  finds yours and brings it up between the two of you, brushing his thumb over your naked fingers, a satisfied grin pulling on his lips.

Looking into your eyes he doesn’t say anything, just kisses the place where one day a ring will sit and it’s like a silent agreement that your finger won’t stay empty too long.

And oh boy, you were right! Because just three short weeks later, when the two of you are hiking at a breathtaking scenery on your weekend getaway, Harry gets down on one knee. You gasp even though he made it clear it’s gonna happen soon, but the fact that he did it exactly the way he told Aunt Monica, at a gorgeous lookout on a hill, just warms your heart. He smiles up at you, nervousness glistening in his eyes as he asks that one question, popping the lid of the small velvety box open, revealing the ring.

“Will you marry me?”

You choke out, not able to contain your feelings as you throw yourself into his arms chanting yes, yes, yes! continuously to him.

PROLOGUE

A pair of tiny feet are tapping on the white tiles, following behind the bigger ones, slaloming between the patients, the set of balloons floating behind them as they run down the hallway like crazy. An old lady looks down at the little girl with a sweet smile and she waves at her before running after her mommy, not wanting to lose her.

“Come on, it’s right there!” Rosa cheers as she grabs Valerie’s hand once they reach the right hallway. She leaps excitedly, a nervous, but happy giggle leaving her lips, eyes snapping up at the blue balloons in her mother’s hands. She is mesmerized by them, though she knows she can’t keep them. They are for someone else. Someone special. 

“Are we there?” she asks when they stop at a closed door as Rosa checks her phone to see if she remembered the number of the room correct.

“Yes, we are!” she squeals happily before turning to her daughter. “Val, remember what we talked about?”

The little girl nods proudly, bringing a finger to her lips as she thinks back to the conversation she had with Rosa earlier.

“Yes. He is very tiny and I need to be gentle with him!” she repeats her mother’s words and Rosa smiles down at her proudly.

“Yes, baby. Very good. Now come on, let’s meet baby Finn!” she cheers in excitement as the two of them walk up to the door and Rosa knocks on the door gently, not wanting to disturb if someone is sleeping in there.

Valerie is standing next to her leg, one hand holding onto the fabric of her jeans, while the other one reaches to the lock that fell into her face. She nervously curls it around her finger, fidgeting with it as she patiently waits, just like her mommy taught her.

The door opens and Harry’s wide grin welcomes the two of them, Valerie immediately mirroring his expression as she sees her godfather.

“Hey princess!” he greets her, picking her up into his arms without hesitation. “Come on in,” he invites Rosa in and she can barely hold her excitement when she sees you sitting on the hospital bed in that awfully familiar and ugly gown, a little bundle of joy in your arms, so wrapped up she can’t even see his face. 

Your tired eyes tear away from the baby in your arms and they meet Rosa’s glossy gaze. She drops the balloons next to the door, carelessly abandoning them as she feels her heart beat faster in her chest once her eyes finally lay on the face of the new addition of the family.

“Hey! How are you?!” she breathes out walking closer, pulling a chair to sit beside you. You glance down at baby Finn, still unable to truly express how you really feel about becoming a mom. 

Taking a deep breath you look up at Harry who is already staring at you, that special shine of pride still so obvious in his green eyes, you just wish you could see him so happy and joyful every day for the rest of your life. He shoots you a warm smile before turning to Valerie, who is fumbling with his necklace on his chest.

“I’m tired, but so happy, Rosa,” you breathe out and she chuckles nodding, fully understanding the feeling. If there is anyone, that’s her who knows exactly what it’s like to hold your baby in your arms for the first time. 

“He is so beautiful, those cheeks, oh my God!” she whispers leaning a little closer to see the sleeping baby boy better. He is nestled in his mom’s arms, already deep in his first big sleep on this world before he starts to explore it. “I gotta say, he looks a lot like Harry,” she admits looking over at the happy dad who tries to push down a grin while you roll your eyes at the statement.

“So unfair! Cooked him inside me for nine months, then pushed him out my cooch, and he has the audacity to look like his father!” you dramatically say, but there’s a small smile playing on your lips. 

You can’t be mad at him. If something, you really hope he’ll turn out to be just like his daddy, because that man has you whipped even after years of being together. 

“Give him a few months and he might morph into your little version,” Rosa chuckles. 

“Val, you ready to meet your cousin?” Harry asks the little girl in his arms who nods vigorously.

“Cousin!” she cheers throwing her hands into the air. 

“Remember what we talked about! Be gentle!” Rosa warns her again as Harry walks closer, sitting to the edge of your bed as you sit up straight, bringing Finn closer so she can see.

She patiently sits on Harry’s lap, hands curled together at her stomach as she peeks at the sleeping baby, her curious eyes taking in his features.

“Sleeping?” she asks glancing up at you.

“Yes, he is very tired now,” you nod smiling. 

All three of you watch her stare at the baby as if he was a magical creature, but to her, he is. If you are being honest, he is one for all of you. You still hadn’t wrapped your head around the fact that he is here.

“So? What do you think?” Harry asks, giving her a little squeeze when she’s been quiet for some time.

“Can I kiss him?” she asks, melting all three of you with the request.

“Of course you can!” you tell her and push yourself a little forward so she can reach him. Valerie leans down and places a soft, lingering kiss to Finn’s forehead that’s not covered by the little blue hat on his head. 

Your eyes snap up to Harry and you see that his eyes are tearing up again, something that’s been happening continuously since he first saw his son hours earlier. He is clearly obsessed with not just Finn, but the whole idea of being a father, you figured he has been for quite some time. The way he treated Val like she was his own never failed to melt your heart and push you a step closer to the idea of having a baby with him one day. That day finally came and you can tell he is on cloud nine.

“Want to know a secret?” you ask Valerie with a small smirk. She nods, eyes lighting up. She is such a nosy little girl! “If you weren’t born, baby Finn wouldn’t be here today.”

Rosa looks at you with tears in her eyes as she processes your words. Not that it’s anything new, but she always cracks up thinking about the fact that Valerie was the reason why you and Harry got together in the first place.

“Really? I did it?” she asks looking at her mother, probably not really knowing what it means exactly, but she gets the essence of it.

“Yes,” you chuckle. “You did it.”

“He’ll need a lot of help, Val. Do you want to be his best friend?” Harry asks looking down at the little girl.

“I am his best friend!” she confidently says and you chuckle feeling your heart just overflowing with the love you’ve been experiencing. 

“Good, he already loves you so much, Val. I know it,” Harry smiles hugging her to his chest as she cuddles to him happily. 

You look at Valerie as she mindlessly starts telling about something that happened at the playground the other day and he listens to her like she was telling him the meaning of life, giving her his full attention. The stupid smile can’t be wiped from your face as you look at the two of them, the memory of being in a hospital room with both of them still vivid in your mind. 

It still blows your mind how far you’ve come from biting each other’s head off to being married and having a baby, but you wouldn’t have it any other way. If you ended up here, you’d go through the whole chaos with him again without a second thought. He is everything to you and now you are tied together forever, thanks to all higher forces that brought you to this very point in life. 

Harry looks at you while Valerie is still talking and Rosa is busy admiring Finn. He smiles at you again before mouthing the words ‘I love you!’, making your heart flutter like it’s the first time you heard him say it though he has said those words to you every day since then, making sure you don’t forget how hopelessly in love he is with you. 

“I love you too,” you whisper back before your eyes return to the sleeping baby in your arms. “And I love you too.”

PREVIOUS PART

A/N: oh my! i really can’t believe it ended! thank you so much for sticking with me for this series, im really proud of this one and it’s probably one of my favs i’ve ever written! thank you for supporting my writing and i hope you enjoyed this series as much as i enjoyed writing it! pls feel free to share your thoughts with me about the chapter or the whole series itself, i would LOVE to read your reactions and comments! and i hope you’ll find my upcoming works just as endearing as Valerie was!!

TAGLIST

let me know if you’d like to be added or taken off!

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[rent-a-bat]

Drabble #2

Promt: #100 “I’m yours”

Pairing: Jason Todd x Reader

Requested by: Anonymous

Requests open

A/N: I may have gone a bit overboard with this one, but once I started I couldn't stop. Just beware, this is full of angst, I tried to make this happier for him, but you know how it is.

I really hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing it.

You were sitting on your bed.

The same place you've been for the last 12 hours. You haven't moved since you got there, haven't even eaten, the knot in your stomach making it impossible to keep something down or think about food and the knot at the back of your throat, too busy keeping the water from your eyes to do the same with another.

The clock marked 3 in the morning, which meant you only had 4 hours left if you wanted to rest before work. If you wanted. You weren’t sure you wanted to work tomorrow, you weren’t sure what you wanted at all. Not since that last text.

Your work at the Bank of Gotham had you busy for the last few weeks, and today you could finally get home early, free to enjoy the weekend, not that you wanted it that much. Jason had been out on a mission for three weeks now, making the extra hours at work feel like a blessing if it meant not going back to the apartment you both shared, cold without his presence. Long missions always made you worry, not knowing how he was and if he was okay. In his line of work there were always risks, you both knew it well, too well.

After changing out of your work clothes and making you dinner, you finally sat down on the couch and relaxed, keeping you busy with Netflix before going to bed. A few minutes into your second episode, your phone rang. Groaning internally, hoping it was nothing work related, you opened the message to a picture and a single question.

The force with which your hand gripped your phone you were sure was gonna break it. The message showed a photo of Jason, arm in arm with another girl, a pretty girl, walking into one of the jewelry stores on the other side of town, and the question “Is this your guy?”, right at the bottom. The text came from one of your coworkers and friends, so you were sure it wasn't just some random person trying to hurt you.

It hit you like a bucket of water. You knew Jason had friends, all kinds of friends, doing what he does is part of the job, even if sometimes his personality didn't help. So you knew about them, boys and girls he could call that, he’s talked about them. And that was the thing, you talked. Talking has always been an important part of your relationship and it wasn't just talking, it was about building trust. You always talked the truth, you had agreed on that since day one, since he decided to trust you with his secret identity, letting you choose between staying with him, or leaving, trusting you with that knowledge and that you'd keep it safe, regardless of your choice. That's why telling you everything was crucial if you were dating a vigilante, if you were dating him, being truthful with each other, which meant telling you what you needed before missions, how long he'd be out, if he could talk and if he would be going with someone, it was his way of showing you he cared, that he loved you.

And last time you talked he was still on a mission, out of Gotham, but he had assured you he was coming home before Monday, so seeing this on Friday wasn't something you could easily take.

The buzz of your phone took you out of the hole your mind was heading. Your friend had followed him inside and the photos they sent were like a stab to the heart, each digging deeper and deeper until you were sure your heart was bleeding right there. He was smiling, broad and unbashful while she was trying pieces of jewelry. And the girl, she was pretty, younger than you, her dark hair a compliment of his and her small frame made them look like a perfect pair. She looked comfortable with him, the way someone did when they knew the person, the kind that took time, or trust. You were sure you weren't the jealous type, but the way he smiled, how he seemed to be laughing with her, it reminded you so much of the way he did the same with you. The ease of their relationship, different from yours.

You couldn't finish your food after that, you went straight to your room and sat on your bed, the loneliness of your home now fitting to how you felt, which took you to now. You didn't want to believe that, not wanted to believe that, so you stayed up thinking about it, what to do, how to broach it. You needed to hear the truth from him.

Ignoring the time, you reached for your drawer, taking out the burner phone he had given you for whenever you wanted to talk when he was out.

Minutes passed before you finally pressed the calling button, each ring on par with the beat of your heart until you heard the sound of his voice as he answered.

“Hello, y/n.” The softness in his voice when he said your name was threatening to unravel the knot you were trying so hard to keep at bay.

“Hello, Jay.” your voice was barely a whisper, fearing the tears might come out if you spoke louder and make him worry. But even if you tried you couldn't keep him from noticing it.

“Is everything okay? Did something happen?” His concern was making everything harder, were it not for the photos, you would have been sure it was real.

“Nothing happened, just.., I was missing you, that's all.” You tried to keep your posture. “Hey, Jay? When are you coming back?”

“Uhmm, I'm not sure y/n. The mission with B. is taking longer than I thought, uh, I'm not really sure when I'll be back. I'm sorry.” Lies. They were all lies. He had lied to you.

“It’s fine” The control you had was breaking. “Please, stay safe.” You needed to end the call. “I love you” Now.

“I love you too, y/n”

The moment the call ended you finally broke. The one thing you promised, shattered by mere words. You cried until your throat hurt, you cried until your eyes burned and every breath came harder than the other. You cried until it was the last thing you did before falling asleep.

You called in sick the next day. You didn't want anyone to see you, and if he was really back, you didn't want to see him.

The home you had both shared now felt wrong. Its walls pressing on you, telling you how you were no longer his, no longer welcomed. You had to get out.

You took out a suitcase from the bottom of your bed. His bed now. Quickly filling it with enough things to last you until you could find a new place, for now you guessed a hotel was enough, you had enough money saved and a stable job, the only problem was getting a new place in such a short notice.

When you were sure you had everything you might need, you headed to the door. Leaving your suitcase on the floor you turned around to take a last look at the home you had both shared, now just a reminder of what you lost and what he did.

Life must not have been done playing with you, for when you opened the door, the last person you wanted to see appeared in front of you.

"Jason." His name left your lips before you could stop yourself.

"Y/n." Your name said so softly, like he couldn't believe you were really there, it had been a long time after all. He was standing before you, the smile on his face making you hurt all over gain. His fist in midair, like he was about to knock.

"Surprise?" He asked, brows furrowed looking at you and the suitcase on the floor.

"Uhm, did I miss something?"

“I'm leaving” you said, grabbing your suitcase. "I'll be back for the rest later."

"Leaving? Where?" Confusion tinged his voice.

“Look Jay, it's fine. I kno- I know you had your reasons. You just didn't know how to tell me.”

"Y/n, I don't know what you're talking about. Let's go back inside so we can talk about this." He moved, trying to get you both into the apartment. You raised a hand to stop him.

"It's fine. You don't have to do this. I already know."

“What?”

"They saw you, Jason. With… her. Yesterday, remember?" The way his face paled was worse than anything.

"Y/n…"

"So what I'm saying is that I'm leaving, I don't want to interfere with anything. You are free of me. Free to do whatever you want..., or whoever you want."

"No. Y/n, let me explain. That's not… it's not like that." His voice pleading as he reached for you, making you flinch, hurt flashing on his face at that.

He took back his hand, fingers tightening into a fist at his side, stepping back. It pained you seeing him like that, but he had hurt you too.

Gathering all your resolve, you started to talk again before you lost the courage to do so.

"Not like that how, Jason? Not like you were out with someone else? Not like you lied to me about not being here yet? About how the "mission" was taking longer, while all you were doing was going around with someone else?" You huffed, shaking your head, not wanting to look at him. "All I want now, is to leave."

You pushed past him on your way out when a hand on your arm stopped you from moving further.

"Jason, let me go." You said, not daring to look back.

"No. Y/n, just…"

"Please!" You almost shouted, still not looking back.

"Y/n, look!" The tug on your arm and the tone of his voice making you turn around.

On his hand was a single blue box, the other still on your arm, keeping you from leaving.

"What is this?" Your voice wavering as you reached for it.

"Open it." Both of his hands went to his pockets as he stepped back, giving you space while you did it.

Inside the box were a pair of rings, a simple silver band and a smaller more elaborate one with a single gem in the middle. The styles were different but you could tell they were meant to be a pair.

Your confusion must have been clear on your face, as he spoke before you could ask. "It's for you. For... both of us."

Still not understanding you lifted your face to look at him, your eyes landing on his. His expression was clear on his face, he was opening to you, letting you see how vulnerable he was right now, only to you.

"Last mission made me realize how much you mean to me, and how I don't want to be apart from you." He reached to grab your hand, and this time you accepted the gesture, firmly grasping his as you touched.

"And so I hurried to finish early and came back home. I wanted it to be a surprise, that's why I didn't tell you" he rubbed at the back of his head. "But now I see how that wasn't the smartest thing to do. I know we agreed on the truth and I should've told you." He rubbed your fingers as he rushed through his words.

"I'm really sorry, y/n. Please, believe me." That last thing said so low you wouldn't have heard it if you weren't so close to him.

You pondered through his words, this was the truth, the whole truth, no cover-ups, no white lies, the pure, absolute truth. And you believed him, but the main question remained.

"And the girl… who was she?" You asked slowly.

"Ah…" he covered his face, his ears and cheeks going pink. "She's… my … sister"

You lifted a brow. There's never been a sister.

"You have a sister?"

This was the only thing you never talked about. Family was a hard topic for him, and you respected his privacy. The few things you knew were purely coincidental, occasions where you met his brothers by chance. He introduced you to them and that was that, you knew he would tell you all when he was ready, so now hearing about a sister was a bit shocking, but you understood.

"Her name is Cassandra. Cass. When I told her about you and how I felt, she offered to help me pick something for you" the fondness in his voice warming you up.

"She's not the best at words, but her actions speak a lot, I guess that's why we get along so well."

He looked at you, waiting for you to say something, anything. Instead, you placed the open box back on his hand.

"Would you help me put it on?" Relief washed over him, the smile he gave the brightest of them all. It was full of love, just like the one you gave back.

"I'm yours, y/n" he said as he slipped the ring on your finger. "Now and forever."

"And I'm yours, Jason. Always will be"

A whisper between the two. A promise you both made, sealed with a kiss.

[simpingforsoftboys]

Not Everyone Gets A Happily Ever After

ft. Iwaoi, Atsumu Miya

!Gender Neutral Reader!

Pt 2 to this

*Male readers just pretend that you and Tsumu have a mix of female and male friends each who can be both groomsmen and bridesmaids 

Anon thank you for requesting- I live for angst and this was super fun to write- even if I cried while doing so. IwaOi is my comfort ship but they’re not perfect. People make mistakes- in life, love, and everything and anything in between. Sometimes they repeat those mistakes, other times they learn from them, either way everything happens for a reason and sometimes it’s for the better. Unfortunately, not everyone winds up happy with the results- and that’s okay. 

Also I kind of made it into a song fic (listen to Sign of the Times by Harry Styles while you read)!

Just stop your crying

Hajime and Toru were sitting in the second row on your side of the aisle, pretending that they couldn’t feel the sharp gazes from your family and friends. They had some nerve showing up to your wedding, despite being invited, especially after spending five or so years treating you like an outsider in your own relationship. The reception itself hadn’t yet started, Atsumu had just stepped onto stage- his twin right beside him as the best man.

It's a sign of the times

Atsumu was looking incredibly dapper in his midnight blue suit, his blonde hair combed perfectly to the side. He looked incredibly anxious, whispering to his brother if he looked alright. Hajime thought it was a stupid question- obviously he looked great- but then again he supposed he would have done the same, had he been in Atsumu’s shoes.

Welcome to the final show

Toru’s gaze flitted to the front row where your parents and close friends were sitting. Some were commenting on his and Hajime’s choice to attend the wedding still, but it was your mother’s words that surprised him.

“I’m glad it’s Atsumu (s)he’s marrying, he’ll treat them right.” That woman had been like his aunty since childhood, hearing her say that caused another crack in his heart.

Hope you're wearing your best clothes

His suit’s collar felt like it was strangling him, Hajime reached up to loosen it slightly. Despite doing so, he still found that he had trouble breathing.

You can't bribe the door on your way to the sky

The trainer wondered if he and Toru would go to hell for breaking your heart- only to mend it again with false promises, for telling you that they loved you when it had been lust the whole time.

You look pretty good down here

Maybe they were already damned to an eternity in hell. 

But you ain't really good 

They were good liars- him and Toru- maybe that’s why they were able to lie to you, to themselves, and to each other. Lied about their true feelings, convinced themselves it was lust and not love. 

If we never learned, we been here before

It felt familiar, Toru thought, being here, like when he got invited to weddings in the past and he’d only bring Hajime as his plus one. 

“You wouldn’t enjoy it Y/n- so I’ll just bring Haji okay? We’ll be back in no time- I promise!” The brunette had told you mournfully, as if they weren’t going to be staying in the Bahama’s for a week in order to attend a wedding. Now that he thinks about it, all the fees were covered- they totally could have brought you if they wanted.

Why are we always stuck and running from

He pretended he didn’t hear the hitch of your breath once his back was turned to you, not wanting to deal with your water works. 

‘It’s fine,’ he had told himself, ‘(s)he’s just being dramatic.’ It’s not like it was the first time they’ve gone without Y/n after all. 

The bullets

The bullets

We never learned, we’ve been here before

Yes, it was a familiar sight. Sitting together side by side in a wedding venue, awaiting the arrival of the bride/groom. Yet, there was a stark difference this time. This wedding wasn’t for just some coworker or old friend, this was your wedding. 

Why are we always stuck and running from

The bullets

The bullets

Just stop your crying

Someone squeezed his hand- it was Hajime- his normally piercing olive green eyes were cloudy with unshed tears. They hadn’t even laid eyes on you yet and the two of them were already ready to start sobbing. Semi Eita- who had been one of your close friends in high school- gave them a judgmental look.

It's a sign of the times

‘Why are you two crying? You had plenty of chances before now. Get over it.’ His fiery gaze told them, it was then directed elsewhere- since the music had started and the groomsmen and bridesmaids began streaming down the aisle. It was a little later than usual, apparently there had been an issue with the flower girl- so they had the wedding party wait a moment.

We gotta get away from here

We gotta get away from here

Just stop your crying

Others were tearing up all around them, but Hajime and Toru remained ignorant to them. The ring bearer- a little boy- they recognized him as your siblings youngest son, since they had accompanied you to see him be born. The kid was about six or seven now, and he was every bit as charming as you were.

It will be alright

He strode down the aisle proudly, chin raised in a way that reminded them of you. When you were feeling particularly stubborn or prideful, you would raise your chin just like that. 

They told me that the end is near

Next up was the flower girl- or flower girls. Hajime didn’t recognize them whatsoever, they must have been around your nephews age. It was likely that they were from Atsumu’s side of the family. The girls scattered white rose petals down the aisle, it was a magical sight- watching them flutter to the ground. 

We gotta get away from here

They had been expecting this moment, ever since they agreed to attend the wedding.

Just stop crying

To his right, he heard Toru stifle a sob. 

Have the time of your life

It was you. Hajime couldn’t remember when he last saw that smile on your face. You were donned in white, smiling from ear to ear- hair done perfectly, eyes tearing up- but for a different reason from them. You were happy. Excited. Today was the day, not sparing them a glance, the only person who mattered to you was at the end of the aisle, waiting for you to join him. 

Breaking through the atmosphere

Taking a step onto the raised platform, facing Atsumu, you let the tears fall. Unbeknownst to you, Toru and Hajime cried alongside you.

Things are pretty good from here

“Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today in the presence of these witnesses, to join Miya Atsumu and L/n Y/n in matrimony commended to be honorable among all; and therefore is not to be entered into lightly but reverently, passionately, lovingly and solemnly. Into this - these two persons present now come to be joined. If any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together - let them speak now or forever hold their peace.”

Remember everything will be alright

Toru’s entire body tensed up. Hajime placed a firm hand on the setter’s thigh, preventing him from even considering objecting. Semi cast the two of them a evil look, promising violence should they dare to object.

We can meet again somewhere

 "Miya Atsumu and L/n Y/n, if it is your desire to take the vows which will legally unite you at this time, please respond, 'It is,’.”

Somewhere far away from here

Atsumu and you continue staring lovingly at one another, not even hesitating a second before saying “It is.”

If we never learned, we been here before

“Do you, Miya Atsumu, take L/n Y/n to be your lawfully wedded wife/husband? From this day forward, to have and to hold, for better, for worse, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do you part?”

The entire audience held their breath in anticipation- as if there were any reason to doubt his love for Y/n. Even Toru and Hajime couldn’t find it within them to wish he declined. Y/n deserved a loving husband- even if it was just one person- so long as he would dedicate himself to her/him entirely.

Why are we always stuck and running from

“Course I do.”

The bullets

Everyone’s gazes fell upon you.

The bullets

“Do you, L/n Y/n , take Atsumu Miya, to be your lawfully wedded husband? From this day forward, to have and to hold, for better, for worse, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do you part?”

We never learned, we been here before

You’re wiping your tears away, that wide smile- Hajime realizes that in all his years of knowing you he has never seen you this happy- never slipping from your face. 

Why are we always stuck and running from

“I do.”

The bullets

The ring bearer comes up, shining rings placed a top the red, velvet pillow.

The bullets

Toru’s never hated red as much as he does now. Not even when he was playing desperately against Japan during the Olympics.

Just stop your crying

“Atsumu, please take the ring you have selected for Y/n. As you place it on her/his finger, repeat after me: 'With this ring, I thee wed.’”

It’s a sign of the times

Your groom picks up your shining gold and diamond wedding ring/band and delicately slips it on your ring finger. 

We gotta get away from here

“Y/n, I’ve been enraptured by yer beauty since the first time I saw ya. Even before I fell for ya I’ve always admired how kind hearted and understandin’ ya were. There’s not enough words t’ capture or explain my love for ya. So I want to spend the rest of my life tryin. Yer it for me Y/n... so I can say without a second thought. With this ring, I thee wed.” He murmurs, salty tears spill from his eyes. He’s finally going to get the s/o of his dreams, he realizes. 

We gotta get away from here

Hajime and Toru hold onto each other with vice like grips. They realize it too. There’s no do overs.

Just stop your crying

“Y/n, please take the ring you have selected for Atsumu. As you place it on his finger, repeat after me: 'With this ring, I thee wed.’”

It will be alright

Your hand reaches for the single wedding band still resting on the pillow. It shines brilliantly between your fingers. 

They told me that the end is near

“Atsumu, you’ve been there for me time and time again. You lifted me off the ground when I was broken, kissed my tears away from my eyes, and helped me learn how to love again. You’ve seen me at my best and my worst and loved me through it all. And it’s with complete faith and love that I say this. With this ring, I thee wed.” Atsumu’s wedding band matches yours, and slides on his finger perfectly.

We gotta get away from here

If we never learned, we been here before

The vows had been short but sweet. Toru would have been able to recite a whole paper- had he stood in Atsumu’s shoes. 

Why are we always stuck and running from

“Seeing as the two of you have consented together in holy wedlock, and have witnessed the same before God and this company, by authority vested in me by the state, I now pronounce you husband and wife/husband. You may kiss your bride/groom!”

The bullets

But he’s not in Atsumu’s shoes.

The bullets

You yank Atsumu down and press a passionate kiss to his lips, throwing your arms around his neck to pull him closer. He reciprocates immediately- all tongue and open mouthed. Neither of you pay any mind to the fact that everyone is watching you make out. All you see is each other. 

We never learned, we’ve been here before

Neither is Hajime. 

Why are we always stuck and running from

The bullets

The bullets

There’s no second chances.

We don't talk enough

No talking it over.

We should open up

You weren’t L/n Y/n any longer.

Before it's all too much

You’re now Miya Y/n.

Will we ever learn?

Devoted to and utterly in love with Miya Atsumu.

We've been here before

Is this what it had been like for you?

It's just what we know

Watching the two of them be so in love- eyes locked on each other- with no care in the world about who was watching.

Stop your crying baby

About who they were hurting.

It's a sign of the times

They didn’t even get the chance to ask why you did it- why you stuck around for so long and loved them, despite them not feeling the same. 

Now they never would get that chance again.

We gotta get away

We got to get away

We got to get away

We got to get away

We got to get away

We got to, we got to

We got to, we got to

We got to, we got to