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brimbrimbrimbrim · 1 year

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The Bear and The Baker: Chapter Four - CHILL (NSFW)

Chapter One / Chapter Two / Chapter Three / Chapter Four / Chapter Five

Summary: She’s relatable and willing to help him figure out how to stop spiraling down a dark hole of anxiety, but she’s pretty and sweet and knows what to say and do… and Carmy just can’t help himself.

Tags: friends to lovers, UST, RST, pining, wet dreams, masturbation, lots of food talk, reader used to be a pastry chef, mental health, panic attacks, anxiety, meditation, oral sex, cunnilingus, premature ejaculation, handjob, desk sex, first times, virginity, mild dom/sub undertones, kitchen sex, love confessions, blowjobs

Words: 4k

TW: panic attacks

He's chopping peppers when his attention shifts again, and this time, when his skin opens under the edge, it's not the knife being dull that's the problem. Carmy's head is fucked, and it shows. It's been two weeks to the day, and one hand is covered in a nitrile glove for all the damn bandages around his knuckles… and now he's cut down to the nail bed, shredded black elastic with red flowing off the end.

Motherfucker!

Blood squirts out the wound before the sting hits him, but he's already in a fuckin' frenzy. No one's dared speak to him unless necessary since two-thirty. He stops, the knife still in his fist… the offending pepper having rolled between the stove burner and cutting block with a dent in its red skin. The cut's deep—the one on his hand—but it's nothing some super glue won't fix, yet he just stares at it, pooling crimson with streaky halos against the wet plastic cutting board.

The pain throbs, becoming just another place where his pulse is pounding unhappily. Every thick, sad plunk settles between his throat and sternum. It's maddening, this silence and pain and themother fucking heartache.

'Behind!'

Carmy hears it like he's underwater.

'I need three chickens and four beefs; two with peppers, two without!'

The rest of the kitchen chaos drops octave after octave as he pushes his thumb into the tip of his bleeding finger, sucking down a groan. Pain shoots through his finger and forearm; it makes his forearm jerk, reminding him of how those same muscles had flexed when he had her spread open on his kitchen counter—had her quivering thigh in this hand—when he had his mouth on her… and now it's all fucked.

Carmy watches and remembers…

She's got sauce on her cheek, and he’s feeling too light everywhere to think about it, so he leans in and kisses it, licks it off her. The giggle that puffs against his face only further unloads the heavy weights dragging him down, like cutting the ropes off an air balloon. Her fingers slide into the collar of his shirt, up his neck, and into the curls against his nape. She turns his mouth to hers for a deep kiss that takes Carmy's breath away.

When it comes back—all his air—he pecks her lips again, then her chin and throat, tasting her neck, and whispers, "I love you."

He's still smiling against her skin when he realizes she's gone stiff in his arms… that cold needle bursting his fucking balloon with a heavy dose of 'what the fuck did I just say?'

And then she's standing and thanking him for the meal with a stutter worse than his, trying to gather her things as fast as humanly possible while he's trailing behind her like some kicked puppy knowing it fucked up, wanting more than anything to fix it.

Why'd he have to open his stupid fucking mouth?

The first girl that touches his dick, and he's lovesick… spilling his guts with basil and blueberry and pussy on his tongue, talking with all this misplaced confidence that ended in the most awkward, unpleasant end to one of the best nights of his life.

How'd he fuck up so bad?

"Chef?"

Carmy blinks and looks up from the pool of blood, glancing at Marcus with several butter bricks cradled against his chest. "Yo, Chef. You know you’re bleeding, right?”

"Yeah.Yeah . I know," Carmy mutters beneath his breath, snapping a rag out of his apron to wrap it around his weeping finger. "Can-can you,uh , get Gary to clean this up for me?" He gestures to the cutting board, already backing away from the mess, feeling sick with muddled emotions.

"Course, yeah. Sure thing, Chef," Marcus says, worried.

Carmy nods, sniffing up the pain that's coming back and his own embarrassment, walking off the line like a beaten dog into the alley instead of the emergency sink to wash the cut clean. The burn from Marcus' confusion and concern still tickles the back of his head, but Carmy needs a moment alone. Good thing they all pick up on that cause after a few minutes of clotted, outside air, he's still by himself, clutching his sliced finger until he can't feel it anymore.

"Stupid…fucking… " he curses, lips thin and screwed up, sliding down to the milk crate with his back against the brick wall, "Fucking idiot."

As soon as his ass hits the hard plastic, his mind starts repeatingthat night. Loops of it, all with little added details that further sour his self-esteem. The way she leaned away when he tried to rest his palm on her elbow in the doorway on her way out—that thin-lipped smile of reassurance that was so fucking fake—her verbal regret for letting her hormones get the best of her—the subtle inflection in everything that told Carmy she didn't wanna see him again.

When the bleeding stops, and it's just dried blood and torn nitrile, Carmy throws the stained rag over his shoulder and grabs his pack of smokes out of his back pocket. The nicotine barely chills him out; if anything, it just makes his knee bounce faster—makes him itchy and on the verge of-

The back door bangs open, sending a violent throng of shock into his chest. His heart skips a beat, resetting that rapid tempo it was speeding towards. Carmy looks up to see Tina leaning out the doorway with big, dark eyes and a full, sympathetic smile.

"Hey,Jeff ." Her eyes tear down his disheveled state, smile screwing up in sad amusement. "Customer just dropped off a pie for you or some shit. Richie put it in the office, an' he's lookin' real full of it."

Customer? Pie? Her?! Fuck…

"Wait, did you say Cousin?!"

"Mmhm."

"Fuck -" Carmy shoots up to his feet, knees locked an' aching from the day, but his heart's in his stomach wondering what the fuck Richie could have said to her—might have disclosed or did… or…Jesus Christ…

"Did he say anything to her?" Carmy tries to come across chill, but his cigarette trembles as he takes a hit, cheeks already splotching with anxiety.

Tina arches a brow, still amused. "I dunno, but my guess?Yeah . Yeah, he did.”

Carmy curses again and throws his cigarette down to stomp it out.

“You know,” Tina continues, “for someone who's been bitching about his ass all day, he's lookin' mighty smug now. Do you think stitches really take that long to heal, or is he jus’ bein' a bitch?"

"I gotta take care of this goddamn mess. Excuse me."

Carmy goes to slide past her into the kitchen only for her hand to close around his elbow. He stops, looks down, and arches a brow. "Chef?"

"Look," she begins, starting off uncharacteristically soft, "I dunno what you been doin’ or who you been doin' it to, but you better fix whatever you fucked up. Cause our game was really fucking strong when you weren’t being a sad little shit all damn day…"

Carmy wets his lower lip and looks away, finding a rubber stain on the tile inside the kitchen fascinating… or trying to.

"… but these past couple of weeks?" Tina jerks him enough his eyes drift back to her as she shakes her head, pinning him with an expression of severity. "Just… get your head outta your ass, alright? You're a better chef when you're happy."

He swallows, mouth opening and closing once or twice before he clears his throat and nods. "Heard, Chef."

Inside the kitchen, it becomes abundantly clear that everyone knows abouther and the pie. Syd’s chewing on her lip at her station, trying not to smile. Tina stands behind him, chuckling. A conversation between Gary and Marcus comes to a sudden hush as Ebra clears his throat… and Richie—that fucker—grabs the doorframe to the front, swings forward, and saunters into the kitchen, loudly clapping his hands with an obnoxious fuckin' grin.

"Thismotherfucker!" Richie stands up tall as Carmy comes to a stop by the expo station. Cousin points down at him with a canary grin, looking around the kitchen for an audience. "Yo! Yo,thisfuckin' guy.You should haveseenthis chick! Guys-"

"Don't say anotherfucking word, Cousin,” Carmy grits out, veins in his forehead twitching. He squeezes his sliced finger so tight his pulse races in it.

“Who’d have thought you’d be pulling strawberry shortcakes like a fuckin’ boss!” Richie laughs aloud, and leans in to tackle Carmy into a hug, but he dips beneath the sudden swing—for once thankful he’s short—and darts past Syd, straight towards his office.

“Told you to shut the fuck up!” Carmy yells as he walks.

"How-how can?! Seriously?!" Richie boasts while hot on his heels. "This dude— guys —this fucker struck out with every chick he's ever gotten all goo-goo-eyed for an' now he's bringing in fuckin' tens! How are we not talkin' about-"

Carmy practically kicks the door in Richie’s face with his heel and slams his back against the painted wood, barely blocking out the guffawing as Richie bangs a victorious rhythm into the other side… but all Carmy can focus on is the smell of apple pie with molasses, cinnamon, and cardamom… ginger too… and that smooth buttery melody he's forever gonna equate toher .

Fuck, it’s smells good.

'Our little baby fuckin' scored. I'm tellin' you! This broad—guys! The fuckin' rack on her—Hey, don’t touch that, Fek!’ Another bang on the door.‘Cousin! Hey! Come on!'

Carmy drops his chin to his chest and purses his lips trying not to smile to himself. It's less about the jeering behind the door and more about what the pie means: she's been thinking about him. Not ideal—not like she waited for him, probably didn't wanna see him—but she still came by the restaurant and brought him a fucking pie,for fuck's sake.

Before his nerves come back, he lets the aroma of warmth fuel the sudden impulse to text her. Even as the now-clotted cut stings across the keys on his phone, Carmy's right cheek dimples. The hustle of the dinner hour goes quiet amidst the chatter outside the office—of the rushing of blood in his ears—as he swipes his thumbs over the bright screen and bites his lower lip.

'It smells delicious. Thank you, Chef.’

And then, holding his breath,'Do you want to talk about it? Closing. 10:30?' and hits send with ablip that makes his breathing stutter and his heart thud eagerly. Now… now all he's gotta do is wait,eat that fucking pie, and survive the rest of the day.

'I'm here.' You send the text despite butterflies on the roof of your mouth. Shivering, you pull your numb fingers back into roomy sweater cuffs, stuffing your hands under your arms, elbows tight in the frosty Chicago night.

It's ten-thirty, and you're standing there as cars pass by behind you—casting The Beef interior in high beams—your own shadow dancing over tables and clean, polished floors. For less than ten seconds, you stand shivering outside, wondering what the actual fuck you're doing out this late. And before twenty seconds are up, you glance away from your boots to see Carmy unlocking the door, looking nervous and wide-eyed despite his droopy lids.

The door swings open, releasing a font of warmth across your cheeks.

"Thanks for comin' by."

Fuck, you missed his voice… that sleep-deprived drawl mixed with his accented husk. Icey, sapphire eyes cut over your shoulder, narrowing with frustration so intense, you look back, glimpsing the man you left the pie with earlier that day. Awkwardly, you wave, only for Carmy to curse quietly—livid.

The man raises both hands, mouth moving animatedly, but he’s already backing up to a dark-color sedan… too far away to hear him.

“You get here okay?” Carmy asks with forced ease, pulling your focus away from Rick or Richie—your mind draws a blank—looking directly into softer blues, clearly worn down and sleepy, but eager.

"Yeah," you exhale on a wisp of chilly air, "I took a cab. And,uh , thanks for doing this here. I just… nothing against you or anything, but I don't really—I mean, thanks for not…umm , it’s fucking cold, huh?”

There's a long beat of silence where Carmy's face is expressionless, resting in apathy with a patina of exhaustion, and you feel inclined to explain yourself, "It's not that I didn’t wanna see you, Carmy. I'm just-"

"You don't have to explain yourself. It's cool.No hard feelings. Come on, I cranked the heat up.”

You nod silently, stepping through the open door supported by a bare arm. Your eyes drift to it, corded muscles and some off-blue veins punching up through blotchy, pale skin, all ruddy from the cold. You've seen more of him than just his arms, but for a long moment, you're transfixed by the tattoos, the muscles… silver scars from chopping and trimming…

Feeling wholly outside your element, you follow close behind him as he makes his way past the thoroughfare of countertop service and two-people tables shoved against the windows. The smell of diluted bleach and wet dish rags hits you as he moves through the doorway into the kitchen. Just like the front door, Carmy braces an arm and ushers you in, then a few feet further past a small cubby of lockers into an ajar door filled with darkness and a single yellow-burned lamp.

His office…

You spot your empty pie tin on the metal desk, leaning on a stack of manilla folders. It's small—Carmy's office—but it's cozy and organized in a way that looks lived in, like ordered chaos, not unlike his apartment… if not a tad less spartan.

"Look, before you say anything, I just," Carmy cards his fingers through his dirty hair, smoothing haphazard curls of strawberry blond into a messing slick atop his head that unravels just as fast, "I just wanna say you were right. I shouldn't have said what I said. It wasn't cool, and I-"

"Carmy…" you say his name, heart beginning to thump noticeably in your neck. He’s already so fucking wrong, and you want nothing more than to explain yourself before he starts apologizing for nothing. Because he didnothing wrong.

"But it just came out, ya know? I wasn't-I wasn't thinking, and you've got every fuckin’ right to be freaked out- "

"Carmy."

But he keeps talking—stammering.

"You're just-you're amazing and-and chill where I'm not and before… When I was tweezing mint leaves and making plum gelée, I-I couldn’t breathe. I’d stop and want to set everything on fire. Just cooking and cooking and cooking until I was having panic attacks just making jelly sandwiches and throwing up every morning… then I started fucking up more and more even when I'd gotten a handle on things— not that I felt any better —but you just kinda… you madeeverything click like-like I'm not just insane. Like, I can breathe..”

You try to stop it, but your eyes burn regardless. Tears well over your lashes as Carmy struggles to lay his heart out, just open and gaping and alive.

“These past two weeks,” he continues, gentler now, staring right into your wet orbs, “and-and you've been gone, and my hands aren’t steady anymore, and then the pie… and it's good— it's great . I don't know what it means... but I know what Iwant it to mean.”

He stops after that, shoving four fingers in his hair again, sliding them up his brows to his crown, where he grips tight enough it lifts the worry lines in his forehead. He casts his eyes down to the floor between you both like it's some uncrossable moat and sighs.

"Sorry-sorry.I'm sorry …" He nods with each word, voice dropping softer and quieter until his third 'sorry' is nothing more than a rushed exhale. You wanna stretch through the distance and touch him—hold him because there's a wet sniffle to his breathing that makes your heart break and grow simultaneously. But none of this is going like you thought. Everything is moving so fast, even your own feelings, and that's just… it's not something you're used to after years of trying to slow down your thoughts—of trying to walk softly through every single day, so you don't break the eggshells of glass beneath your feet.

Carmen… Carmy… He makes you wanna run again, but running feels so dangerous.

"You're-" you pause, giving Carmy a long look from his well-worn sneakers, black jeans, rumpled white shirt, trembling lips holding up his flaring nostrils, and wide, black blues.

You take a deep breath and cross the moat.

"You make my heart beat way too fucking fast, Carmy.”

His lips pinch with despair.

“It's…” You lay a palm over his chest, relishing the sharp intake of breath and rhythmic thudding beneath. “I didn't like it at first because I've gotten so used to it racing when I'm stressed or panicking—it makes me feel like I'm gonna die… but when you told me how you felt, my heart wouldn't slow down, and it freaked me out."

"… okay.” He leans against his desk with a wet blink, fist still wrapped in his greasy locks.

Quietly, you continue, "… but I was up the other night, just-I couldn't sleep, and I remembered you said I smelt like… apples…"

You blush, thumbing the heat and trying not to smile at how he said it that last time, with total unabashed reverence between your thighs. "… and I found myself making that pie I dropped off. Whole time my heart was thudding in my throat, but it was nice. Iliked it. I forgot how good it could feel for it to do that."

"Me too," Carmy exhales, finally releasing his hair to drop both arms at his sides.

"Yeah," you whisper, thumb rubbing the dip between his pectorals. Even though it's just you and Carmy here, everything feels naked; each word and touch, every breath and heartbeat.

" Umm , did you like it?" You ask, changing the topic as your pulse cools down.

His brows crease together, lips pursed into a pucker of confusion so clueless that you almost laugh, almost smile… instead you close the distance with another step, inches from pressing yourself against him, settling on massaging little swirls into his heaving chest instead. You cock your head to the side and shift your attention from those lazy still puddles of blue to the baking tin filled with crumbs.

Carmy follows your gaze, clearing his throat with a stutter, "The-the pie, right. Yeah… you used molasses instead of brown sugar and applesauce to thicken. Old school, and obviously, it was terrible."

You smile when he cracks one, attempting to joke, and though it’s lame and his face doesn’t sell it, you love it.

"You're good at this, ya know."

He chokes out a sardonic laugh, rubbing at his stubble-rough jaw before holding his red cheek in his flower-inked hand.

"I don’t believe you for a fuckin’ second.”

TheSense of Urgency (SOU) is stark against his pale skin. For the first time, you note the bandages around his fingers and thumb. The angry red dent in his third fingernail, slathered in super glue.

“No?” You giggle.

“No.Fuck no. This shit is over my head," he admits, eyes closed and lashes fluttering. You should notice the shift in his breathing as something worrisome—the thudding of his heart as a sign—but you don’t; instead, you lick your lips and tell him with raw emotion, "I think… I love you too, Carmy. But-"

"But what?"

"… but I'm not a virgin, and I thought I was in love with the first person that made me feel good too. I just-I just can't if that's what this is."

"No," Carmy says with zero hesitation, "The second time I walked you home? I-I’ve been like this since then, later that day."

You almost laugh, remembering how the rain had started coming down outside All Family just as you’d been mocking the weatherman.

… you both ignore the red cross light between idle mid-morning traffic as the spitting drops turn weighty and cold. Carmy shoulders off his jacket mid-jog beside you and mutters a loud 'here, here,' stopping you just long enough to lay his jacket over your head.

You blush as his white shirt goes translucent in seconds. His muscles flexing beside you, jogging through the topiary threshold into your apartment complex. The parking garage cuts the rain until the sting of it is gone, leaving the both of you panting in the soaked cold…

'Guess I should have listened to my weather app for once and brought a fucking umbrella,' you wheeze, licking raindrops off your lips as Carmy leans back, filling his lungs with air.

Your eyes dance down his chest and stomach. The murky hue of hidden tattoos beneath drenched cotton catches your attention, but it's the thick frame of muscular definition that you follow… leading to an exposed strip of bare stomach, glossy with rain and trailing dirty blond hairs… like… like a happy trail…

You freeze, gripped by a sense of longing and affection as your fingers dig into his soaked jacket, still hanging off your crown and shoulders, keeping you warm and wet...

Carmy fans out his shirt while you're still recovering from the pang between your legs. Then, as if by some strange happenstance, your eyes meet as the rain sleuths over the parking garage roof, creating an echo chamber of heavy breaths, and backtracked droplets. Then, when your heart starts beating again, and when Carmy swallows, something monumental changes.

"When we were drenched to the bone in the parking garage?" You murmur—a gentle coo—and slowly lift your finger to his raised wrist. The soft hairs on his forearm shift to finer baby hairs over his palm and freshly scrubbed skin. Old scars bump beneath your finger pads, and that ugly gash with the glue catches on your nail. Only when your thumb rubs across a bulging vein over his jutting tendons does Carmy open his eyes and stare deeply within you.

"Yeah. Yeah, it was what you said, ya know, in my jacket. About taking it to the dry cleaners 'cause it would smell like that perfume you had on." He admits, cupping your hand over his own and pressing all three under his chin tightly—so tight, you’re reminded of life rafts thrown to castaways at sea. So much warmth in his palms… so rough from the knives and scars yet soft and… possessive. "You,uh , you were just… kinda—you looked good in it. Safe an' happy. Justreally chill, and I smelt like you all day. I just… just wanted that… every fuckin' day, 'cause I couldn't smell you in it anymore after a while."

"So, can you smell me now?” You ask, attempting coy but failing with a crack of nerves. “Still apples?"

"And rain…" His lips twitch into a smirk for half a second, lower lip trembling.

"Makes me come up with pretty words for how you smell, ya know.”

Carmy puffs a shaky breath, trying so hard to look calm.

You mistake it for adorable nerves and press your body to his, asking, “Would it kill the mood if I asked to suck your cock right now—in your office chair? I kinda owe you, and I've been thinking about it every day since you put me on your kitchen counter."

" Jesus fucking Christ… " Carmy curses, looking like someone toasted his cheeks as he leans back, gripping the edge of his desk one-handed, his expression full of terror and lopsided. Overwhelmed, sorta and…oh… shit…

Suddenly, despite the warmth of her confession—the fact she wants to suck his dick right now—Carmy’s heart palpitates, and air evaporates in his lungs.

Not now… not now, fuck…

"Was that—was I too forward? Sorry, I just-you see; I had this dream last night that woke me up… it’s not the first time I’ve dreamt about it—getting you off, of course—and I-”

Their eyes lock, and he starts to panic, just thinking about fucking things up again. One taste of her pussy, and he nearly ruined everything.What kinda fire is he gonna set if she goes down on him?!

“ Hey… you okay, baby?"

Baby… fuck. Fuck! No-no, he is not fuckin’ okay…

“Car-Carmy?”

He doesn’t realize he’s shaking until her tone dips, growing concerned. His heart's racing like an adrenaline spike at lunch hour, but it's paired with a dizzy high of elation that confuses his body and brain, leaving him strung out as she steps closer, a weight settling over his chest. He gulps down air, but it's not enough. Suddenly, embarrassingly, he feeds the panic with more panic and clutches at his chest, struggling to breathe anything but his own shame.

"Carmy? Oh, shit… ”

His vision starts to tunnel, and another wave of dread swells in his throat. Smooth, supple hands reach up to cup his cheeks, pulling his attention forward, into the present where he belongs and not up in his head where he can’t handle the idea that someone—anyone—but especially someone like her, loves him.

“Carmy.Hey ," her words melt the lump in his throat, "... just keep breathing however you need to breathe, okay? Don't fight it… just let it happen, alright? It's not gonna hurt you. Whatever happens, you can handle it just fine… I know you can. I promise—I promise. It’ll be over soon."

He nods into her palms, panting heavily as her warm hands slide down his neck, rubbing soothing circles over his collarbones and upper chest, pinching the muscles in his shoulders and raking nails up around his neck and across his scalp. Carmy shivers, heart hammering, but his attention quickly shifts to the tingle down his spine, where his shirt sticks with cold sweat.

She smiles, forced but warm in the golden-lamp light, and tells him he's safe and it's gonna go away soon and… to just ride it out…

Let it rip , Carmy thinks… and something about that—Michael's words—and her own comforting reassurance, mixed with the stroke of her thumbs beneath his ears… he finally gets in a long, slow breath, and almost instantly, the pounding of his heart starts to ebb…

… it mellows and softens. Her lips plant kisses across his jaw with a terrified chuckle, nose nuzzling the salty perspiration cooling over his skin, chilling his heart out even more… somehow.

"… see, I told you it'd pass.Fuck ."

Carmy puffs out relief like it’s a knife in his lungs, still lightheaded. He wraps his arms around her, drawing her close enough to mold into her. The itch of her loose-knit sweater against her arms sends a pleasurable ripple of goosebumps down his limbs.

"I-did you…" he takes a shaky breath and buries his long nose in the fragrant tumble of hair at her cheek, squeezing her tighter until he can feel her heart pulsing against his own, "... did you mean it. What you said about-about loving me? Cause I…Jesus fucking Christ . I want that so fuckin’ bad.”

“Well,” he can hear the smile in her voice as her fingers pluck and twirl the hair on the back of his neck, “if you’re gonna take it that well, I might have to lie to you from now on.Seriously , how are you feeling? You okay now, Carmy?”

“Yeah, I,umm… I’m okay,” he sniffs, arms crossed behind her, grabbing her shoulder and lower back in two fists, trying to melt himself into her like a stable emulsion of buerre monté. Hot. Versatile. Spoil free.

Carmy drags his chin down her neck and drops his forehead into her shoulder, exhaling against her, only to choke up the second she draws him even closer…

… his dick’s hard, and she knows it, swaying her stomach against his. He moans, grinding forward as he hands drop down to her lower back, then brazenly scoop up her backside, finger in her soft cheeks, and angles her even closer.

“Fuck… so, was that ano to sampling somecrème de Carmen ?”

“ Jesus ,” Carmy laughs, cheek dimpling against her shoulder, genuinely amused and lighthearted for the first time since they’d eaten Michael’s sauce on his sofa, “No, no-I mean… Yes,please . You can sample whatever you want.”

“Really? Right here? Your office,” she teases, slipping her fingers down his chest to shove several fingers between skin and black denim. Carmy swallows, thrusting against her a couple more times before picking his head up in time to feel her lips skim his nose, cupid’s bow, and then his slack mouth. It’s electric—a bunsen burn caramelized with a swipe of her tongue.

He’d never let anyone do this in the restaurant, even though Richie’s probably gotten laid a couple times in here… but as hypocritical as it is, the thought of getting off in here sends a thrill down Carmy’s spine—a high that’s clear of anxiety like the palpitations of before.

All his milestones happened in a kitchen—a restaurant—for the most part, so why should this be any different?

Carmy's lips are swollen n' wet from her kisses when he stumbles backward, being gently shoved down into his chair. Metal hinges squeak loudly in the small office, but it's the rustle of her knitted sweater that echoes in his ears. He blinks, catching a glint in her eye from the sole light source; that single, aged desk lamp flooding everything within its reach in hard shadows, but it gives him the perfect view of what he hasn't seen beneath her baggy tops…

Her breasts swell against a simple black bra, heaving with every breath, making his sliced-up fists grip the armrests until his fingers are pulsing. Carmy's seen tits before, most recently at the bachelor party they'd hosted for Cicero's buddy, but it'd been through window panes or peripherals while breaking up that fucking fight… right now, it couldn't be more different—it's for him and no one else.

“You’re-you really want to-“

Her naked sides press between his knees, forcing his thighs open.

She smiles when she says, "Is it really that surprising?" and balls up her sweater, reaching up to fluff it behind his neck, immediately filling his senses with that crisp, fall perfume and the subtle warmth of her body heat smoothing the tension in his neck. Carmy swallows, leans back, and stares up at the ceiling in bewilderment, throat bobbing with a nervous gulp. His cock's been rock hard since the second or third kiss—since she'd grinded him against his desk with her tongue skimming his inner lip… fingers unbuckling his belt.

Now Carmy is taking in ragged breaths through his nose as her fingers pull down his zipper and tug just enough for his erection to press up against his boxer briefs.

"I guess the question is," she pauses to snap the waistband at his hip, "doyou want to?"

"Yeah-yeah, but… haven't gotten better since the last time. Not gonna last long, and it,uh , it's been a long day," he admits, hoping she understands his meaning without having to explain it's been avery long, sweaty day serving Syd's perfected braised beef ribs.

"Longhard day, huh?" She giggles, and he can't help but let out a mindless chuckle, sorta still reeling over what's about to happen: his first-ever blowjob.

Unconsciously, he's been preparing for this moment.

While they've been avoiding one another, Carmy's hormones have not, and he's been coming home every night this week, meditating—or trying to—laying there on the sofa with his phone slurring out gongs and chimes, doing his best to ignore the steely pulse of his dick. And every night, he's found himself edging off several times until he can't contain it anymore, cumming in thick, steamy ropes across his stomach with her name on his lips. But try as he might to last longer; even on his own, he can't. All that tension in his stomach—the simmering swell in his balls—it's about to boil over, and she hasn't even touched him yet.

Carmy hisses as she flicks his waistband again, waiting patiently with a hesitant smile, "Carmy?"

"Chef?" He says out of habit and a little bit of fantasy, "I mean…" because the idea of having her work at the restaurant, making pies and pastries alongside Marcus, hasn't left his mind since the moment he tasted her scones…

She sucks in a breath—a laugh—and peels back the elastic cotton, exposing his bare, cherry-red cock to the open air. It's never been this engorged; flared at the cap and so swollen every heartbeat makes it twitch. A dewy drop of precum rises and spills over the curvy head, sliding around the bulbous veins curling down the left side.

"I'm gonna-if you don't-"

She sweeps forward with her pink tongue and licks away the clear dollop from his slit.

" Fuck! "

Her slippery touch lingers, scooping beneath his frenulum and around the distended cap.

"Jesus…fucking —b-baby. Wait-wait!"

She gives his dick a wet kiss and swirls her tongue again, pushing and sweeping over the weepy slit.Jesus Christ… fuck, he's gonna cum, and hedoesn't wanna… not yet. He wants it to last longer—wants to hover in this forever, but he'd take five minutes just for starters.

In a moment of weakness, he whimpers her name and grabs a fistful of her hair. She hisses but quickly lays her hand over his palm before he can release her. Carmy mutters a weak apology, though, caught somewhere between wanting to shove his cock down her throat or pull her off so he can kiss his taste off her tongue. He's never sampled himself… but he figures anything would taste good from her lips… even his own cum.

"You can be a little rough, Carmy," she whispers, hot over his cock

“Really?”

“ Mhmm… ”

Drool slides down his shaft from her tasting tongue, flicking and circling around all those nerve clusters until he nearly chokes when her fist clenches around it, firm and tight, almost exactly how he does it himself. But it's too much all at once. Carmy can't help himself, so he pushes her head down—silky strands between his bandaged fingers—and suffers the overwhelming heat of her mouth with a pinched brow and clenched teeth. She sucks and squeezes her fist, and that's… that's how Carmy finds himself white-knuckling her hair and his armrest, thigh muscles tensing, toes curling, and cumming down her throat.

“ Ffffuck… fuck—shit, you’re… Oh,fuck .” He hisses, and paints her insides with more violent spurts, moaning out heavy, wet breaths that echo back at him in the tiny office.

"I didn't mean-" Carmy tries to apologize, then shivers as she sucks and pulls up, extending his orgasm from a hit to a drag…

Another string hits the back of her swirling tongue as his sack drags right against his body.

" Fffuuuuck -fuck, yeah ."

She gulps, and Carmy hears it—feels it. Another pulse shoots through his cock, then another weak drizzle’s quickly slurped up and swallowed with a hum of contentment. His lashes flutter; his heart thuds happily as buckets of dopamine bastes his brain, making his lips curl up into a loose, lazy smile.

Exceptional. Amazing. Pure… distilled and refined like clarified butter. He feels… so good…

Carmy shivers as her lips drag upward, sucking delicately before detaching from his softening cock. He releases the armrest and sweeps his sweaty curls off his forehead, feeling feverish and weak, like some overcooked slab of rump roast.

Against his cock, her words come out sticky-soft, “Was… was that okay, Carmy? I mean… I can taste howokay it was but I-"

Let it rip… don’t overthink it. Just do it.

Carmy scoops her up as she stumbles over her words, ignoring the drag of his wet, flaccid cock against her thigh and gathers her into his lap. His thumbs sweep around the balls of her shoulder, and leans down, kissing his flavor off her lips. She’s acerbic brine and… creamy, with a lingering note of nutty sugar. Layers coat Carmy’s tastebuds until her tongue presses to his. A flick here, a swipe there… teeth and lips, and a tilted suck against his tongue. His cock is hard again in minutes… and her fingers are wrapped tightly around it, stroking until Carmy is dizzy and gasping, asking her breathlessly, “Wanna fuck you… Can I fuck you?—on the desk—anywhere you want. Please?”

She whimpers, lips against his again, and nods, “... yes-yes, please.”

AO3 Link: HERE

#carmen berzatto x you #carmen berzatto x reader #carmy berzatto x you #carmy berzatto x reader #carmy berzatto #carmen berzatto #fanfic #fanfiction #writing #the bear #the bear and the baker

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writingforatwistedworld · 1 year

Note

Hello dear!💜 My request for the alphabet event is for Silver- A, K, U Idia- I, X, C Deuce - I, B, U I'll send another one, probably, so I'll be right back~

I do not take any responsibility for you reading this no matter which age group you are from!

WARNINGS: Yandere themes, kidnapping, imprisonment, violence, blood, murder, death, manipulation, stalking, spoilers for masquerade event in Silvers part

Deuce Spades-I, B, U/Idia Shroud-I, X, C/Silver- A, K, U

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

Mind washing that stain?

Deuce having a violent background is no big secret

So yeah, of course he is capable of some damage

And he gets quicker too since he has started using magic for it again

You want to be crushed by a huge cauldron? No? Thought so

It's also very messy

“Why is there a knife in your bag?” “Hm? There is one?”

Since he has started becoming more violent again he has started to cross lines he didn't cross before

A shiny bit of metal has me er hurt? Right?

Yeah tell that that one student who accidentally bumped into you

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

A peaceful one

Deuce wants to be the best person he can be

It's just sometimes a bit hard...

You know, keeping others away from you... accidentally breaking someone's leg

Surprisingly no one has found that one body yet

A family with you

Even if you can't have children I can see him wanting that warmth

So one day you might wake up just to see a kid sitting at the end of the bed all whilst shaking

“I found our child! Aren't they the cutest.”

Mhm Deuce went full kidnapper here

And since he is so delusional he really thinks that they are your child

Good luck

One where you can be uninterrupted

Deuce hates it when people are even breathing the same air as you

This has led to some not so pretty scenes

Don't ask about that red paint, its just from painting the roses

Mhm. Sure. “Paint”

One where he doesn't have to lie to you

Keeping you away from others is a bit hard and there is really no reason why you should stay away from people

Well, unless we take Deuces feelings into account

So he lies. Lies that everyone is after you. Lies that they are disgusted by your mere presence since you are from a different world

He is also very delusional here, after some time he believes that he is some sort of protector

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

What is special about his uh... “infatuation” is how much he is in denial

Despite him being definitely one of the more violent ones he doesn't think that he does this out of selfish goals

“This is all for them and their protection!” Yeah. No. Deuce, no.

He once had a blackout moment and when he woke up again there was a freshly covered hole in the middle of the woods

His ability to fool you unknowingly

Deuce truly believes that he is doing this for your good

And you know what is worse than a manipulative liar? One that actually believes their words

There is just no way of disproving them from their logic

Hang in there

I'm sure one day you can slip out... hopefully

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

He isn't cruel physically, “just” mentally

India is a shut-in, one on a completely different level than most

So he doesn't understand

Why do you need to go out? Everything you need is here

But he would never purposefully hurt you

Well, the only time would be if you ever were to escape but that is a different can of worms

Is overall very gentle but...

He rarely does something with you

Physically at least

The cameras are a different story

This of course adds to your own personal hell

It's already bad enough to be imprisoned here but also to be monitored every second? Not sure how good that is for your mental health...

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

One where you are never to leave him

Idia is very aware that his actions aren't the best if not to say horrid

But being with you is so addicting... give hi. More of your presence

You are his God and Idia is nothing more than a lonely soul hoping that his prayer might reach you

Which prayers? Prayers of your neverending love of course

A future in which you can also be happy

It's already bad for you but it's also not a walk in a flower field for him

Idia is very sensitive to the feelings of those around him

So is it that hard to believe that he wishes for you to be happy as well?

Now that I think about it, this might be more selfish than originally thought....

A future in which he can trust you without constantly watching you

Idia doesn't know what he would do if you were ever to escape

But there is that wish that maybe one day you would accept your situation

And maybe love him back? That would be a dream come true

A future in which he can finally forget the fire

Idia might have burned someone to the ground

But hey, what was he supposed to do?

They were about to tell you how much they adored you

And, well, his hair is pretty expressive, wouldn't you agree?

That doesn't mean he won't have nightmares from that

One day you might hold him whilst he sleeps, making him forget the pair of eyes staring back at him whilst flesh and bone melted into nothingness

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

Neverending devotion

Idia grew up in a place where you were a literal God

So yeah, you might be able to imagine how he sees you

But when you ask him when he will finally let you go he will start to cower in front of you whilst clawing at the skin of your legs

Has he done something wrong? It's his fault, right? Of course it is! Y-you are bleeding! Oh what has he done??! He is worth of no-

Please hug him. No matter how much you hate him at that point just do it

Self-sacrifice

Idia wants nothing but a teeny tiny bit of your love

So when you tell him you want something he will find and get it

Even if it means not sleeping for an entire week he will do it

So unless it's something simple I wouldn't recommend ever telling him when you want something

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

Once upon a dream

Silver often tells you that he dreamt of you once more

This man will spend every single hour of his existence at least thinking about you

And you can even tell that he is dreaming about you

If his occasional murmuring of your name doesn't give you the clue then that he hugs his pillow close to him, clutching it, almost ripping it

Just how he forces his hugs onto you

Giving you always his attention

Lilia wants something? That can wait

Right now he has you in his arms

It's already hard enough to keep himself awake with how warm you are but once that phase of you fighting against him has passed you even pat his back sometimes

And that is not all

You just need to call out the three first letters of his name and he is there

It's almost like he is always watching you

Acts of service

“Aww how cute!” No.

I mean yes if this was a normal relationship

But here you two are, him having literally kidnapped you

But if there is something he can do he will do it

You are hungry? There is an entire four courses meal prepared

You are tired? No need to worry. Not only does he understand how you feel right now but also will carry you to bed and tuck you in

And this is where the creepy part starts

You may think “He just prepares some food and carries you”, right?

Wrong, when he carried you to bed for the first time he had even changed your clothing without asking you first

And when he cooks and you don't look like you are inhaling the food because of how good it is he will look like a kicked puppy

Boundaries just don't exist

If you tell him that something makes you uncomfortable though then he will stop it

Well, unless it's about the hugs and sharing warmth, there is no stopping him

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

In public

He lets you out? Uh... Somewhere between yes and no

Silver is aware of how much a human needs interaction with others

But when you are outside for your half an hour walk he is staring so intense that everyone is avoiding you

He is more like a guard than a loving lover outside

But there is just no way he could let others come too close. What if they were to hurt you??!

You two holding hands? Yes but only so that you don't run off and so that the rope binding you to him isn't easy to spot

How cute you two are

In private

That glare? Mhm gone

But so are also the boundaries he had in public

Suddenly it's back to keeping you close

There just is no escape from him

Even if you had the keys to this house you would constantly be held by him, making it impossible to leave

Just tell him that he needs to wear thinner clothes. He can get pretty warm if they are too thick

Best comparison is eating too many sweets

His affection is the sweets but it's just so much sugar that it melts your teeth away

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

Him not understanding lines that shouldn't be crossed

It's almost ironic

He understands that humans need certain things like interactions

But he seems to forget that you shouldnt force yourself on one

Its almost like he ignores some things

But that can't be, right?

His way of making you dependent on him

Silver willies certain spells and potions that make you dream of him

If you tell a person long enough that they feel a certain way they start to believe it

So you either have nerves of steel and hold on until another one of them snatches you away (Frollo could be a pretty good candidate for that with his little botanic talent) or you are a lost cause

“Once upon a dream”, huh...

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holocene-sims · 2 months

Text

next // previous

august 17, 2021 1:30 a.m. paradise hotel

[grant] it drove päivi insane and i just try to be considerate. like i've been dealing with this for years, but i'm very well aware it's not pleasant that i wake up sometimes because i'm pain and that when i do, i get up out of bed for a bit so i don't end up so stiff that i can't stand up at all in the morning.

[henry] shit, i didn't think about that. i'm sorry.

[grant] why are you apologizing? you didn't do anything wrong.

[henry] i don't know. because i feel great 24/7 and i'm privileged enough to forget that others don't?

[grant] well, that's not really your fault. it's not like i'm good at acknowledging being chronically ill in any overly serious way. honestly, it's just easier when people forget anyway!

[grant] talking about it is never not a little bit awkward.

[henry] yeah, i wasn't aware it was bad enough to interrupt your sleep.

[henry] i knew it was bad, you know? bad enough some doctor finally cared to figure out the mystery suffering and that it need surgical intervention, and i remember the exact day something first changed in you when we were kids, but that's about the end of my awareness.

[henry] man, you are also a chronic hider of information.

[grant] that's me! your hopefully favorite secret-keeper.

[grant] i don't mean to, like, keep you in the dark about this. it's not personal. especially not these days. i'm trying my best to be open. it's just...it's just awkward.

[grant] i've had enough bad responses to being sick in my lifetime that i just feel inclined to never mention it, you know?

[grant] have you tried yoga? have you tried CBD and essential oils? but you're young and look fine, you can't be sick, you're making this up! have you tried religion and cutting out all the ingredients like gluten and sugar that make food actually fun to consume? no, no, those things are poisoning you - haven't you read that gut health is the #1 cause of autoimmune disease? it's definitely not chronic stress plus your long family history of busted immune systems! check out this carnivore diet website, you totally won't get fatal heart disease from all that red meat and butter instead, bud!

[grant] or i get pity. or assumptions of what i can or cannot do.

[grant] you want to bash your head against the wall after a while. no one really gets it but they think they do.

[grant] not that you've ever done those things! or that i think you would! or that i think you don't get it! sorry, that was a lot. it just came out all at once. i think i have some insane pent up rage about this whole thing. but no, really, you're the same as my family; they don't respond badly either. i just, well, you know. again, forgetting unless it's relevant is probably preferable. i like it that way.

[grant] i don't want the awkwardness. or anyone to worry about me.

[henry] i wish you weren't afraid of telling me about all this.

[henry] you know everything about me. even the not very good parts. you're one of the only people i talk about having depression with and that's excruciating to bring up. people don't respond well to that either. maybe not with pity or assumptions but definitely obnoxious suggestions. sunshine and exercise do not fix me. lexapro and therapy sessions kind of.

[grant] and i'm glad you do! i do personally understand mental health issues, but even if i didn't, still, i'm glad you feel safe opening up to me about it. and i always want you to. and i'm always thinking about you and hoping you're doing well enough and if i can do anything–

[henry] oh, grant. you scramble my brains sometimes. that self-hating demon is still trapped inside you.

#ts4 #the sims 4 #sims 4 #sims 4 story #sims 4 storytelling #simblr #hlcn: everything the stars promised #I PROMISE THEY'RE NOT ARGUING THEY ARE REALLY JUST CHILLING AND WATCHING TV #but it kind of reads like an argument jfdksjfkds they just have very different styles of communicating #like that one line from another post 'grant selectively speaks his mind and henry rarely minces words'#holocene.docx #holocene.png #hlcn: grant #hlcn: henry

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echoedcrosshairs · 10 months

Text

Playing with Fire / Cad Bane ~ part two

Summary; Cad Bane sets foot in a library looking for information, quickly coming to learn you were more then the average librarian. As a former Bounty Hunter you decide to help out, you’re smart and that’s an asset he could use but that wise mouth has him wondering what use he could use and if it would be worth it

Warning; 18+ Fluff, Angst, Emotional Turmoil, Violence, starting to get hot and heavy, alien (obviously), Cad Bane can kind of be an ass, age gape (canonically during clone wars Bane is 41-43ish) reader is mid 20’s, sapiosexual, mild toxicity that gets fixed, toothpicks, green and red blud.

Word Count: 5.6k

Part one Part three

Masterlist

The Justifier the name taunted you as a lingering question as to why he had named it that. For what you knew about Bane nothing else seemed to matter but credits, nothing was about justice or even vengeance. Maybe I could get him to tell me one of these days. Your gaze fell to Todo who greeted you at the top of the ramp even if he was complaining about your presence and how much it was a bad time to bring you along but wouldn't say why. The curiosity was already trying to get the better of you, you studied Bane with the aggravated expression on his face. You were keenly aware Bane was indeed older then you and had been in the game far longer when the nagging fact finally flicked itself to the end of your tongue.

"Bane, how old are you?"

"He's for-" Bane reached out shutting him off before he could finish his answer letting out another low growl.

"It's nothing you need to be ashamed off, we can stop by Duros if you need too," you offered, "Maybe a find a suitable partner where you don't have to hold back. It would be more efficient to help drop the hormone spike while also give me an excellent source of first hand insight."

"D'anks for'da nit pickin," he said sarcastically trying to figure out your complex educated brain desired, "Wear goin' out tonight to Corellia drinkin 'nd watch for a colleague to show up. Might take couple nights."

"Where am I staying?" You asked.

"Bunk 'bove mine."

"If you bring anyone home tonight, I don't want to hear it," you said simply.

"Jealous?" He joked.

"Unfortunately no, I tend to read before bed," you laughed, "It's not my thing to listen to others."

Bane turned Todo back on and snipped orders at him to show you to the bunk and not to answer any more personal questions about his health unless he was injured or dying. Todo clipped a few comments about using your useful insight because it may be beneficial but agreed to his request hovering around you pointing out the other points of interest in your new domicile, the bar, holding ceils, refreshers, med station, Bane's heating room implying to leave him alone while he's in there he is generally au naturel with the heat up to unbearable levels for mammals. You made a mental note to investigate the room while it's unoccupied. Looking around the room you noticed there was only closet deciding to let Bane have his privacy you kept your belongings in your bag and picked out one of the several books in your bag and left it on your bed. Your hand sunk into the mattress perfectly, not to hard, not to soft curiously you pressed your hand into Bane's hearing him cough behind you.

"It's interesting that my mattress is perfectly balanced while you seem to sleep on a rock," you said removing your hand for it.

"Reptilian?" He reminded.

"Humanoid also. It's fascinating to me," you admitted, "How long until we got to Corellia?"

"Soon, dat planet ain't that far 'nd da ships fast. Neva been?"

"I don't fly."

"What bounty hunta don' fly?"

"It's on my list of quiet extensive list of subjects to educate myself on."

You looked in his red eyes studying you under their microscopic lenses, dissecting you like an unnatural specimen secretly desperate for it's answers. His seemed slightly rather bluer today, do Duros tan? Before you could inquire about the subtle change he stalked out of the room saying he had a few calls to make. Todo finally left you to go pilot the ship with Bane being preoccupied. You decided to call one particularly old friend who would meet you there no questions asked especially if there was money to be made. You fancied yourself s more flattering outfit for the night out, a simple dress with a leg slit and long sleeves personally designed to hide your knifes in varies concealments. Letting your feet adjust to the new path of your domicile you wondered back to the heat room noticing the light was off indicating that it was empty, you eyes peered around before opening the door. Shocked you noticed the flat surface ground, bringing your hand down the smooth texture and cool to the touch. Rock like. Taking in the wall scenery you had to assume it was Duro, there were no chairs, not bed nothing. You laid yourself down on the uncomfortable surface, "Rough man, rough bed," you mumbled.

"What'chu think ya doin'?" Bane said opening the door seeing you tossing on the floor.

"Research. How do you lay on this? It's so uncomfortable," you asked sitting up.

If Bane would have had eyebrows he would have raised one, "On ma stomach."

You flipped over already regretting it with the pressure on your breast holding you up, you tucked forward using them as a head rest and surprisingly it made it mildly comfortable but the rock still felt uncomfortable against your hips, "Interesting, it does make it mildly more comfortable," you pushed your arms up and jumped back on your shoes landing next to him, "Enjoy your heat bath. Sorry for the delay," you gave him a small courtesy nod before walking out of the room.

Bane's eyes were glued to your back side as you laid down, eyeing the curve of your waist in the dress down to your ass sticking up to how you politely had your ankles crossed acting like a lady. Bane wasn't a gentleman by any means but after a once or twice look over he shifted his eyes to the walls remembering the not so favorable memories of home. He was amused by your attempt to learn about his species wondering if you were like this about every alien race or just his. Before he could asked the bold flirtatious question you had jumped up and left. Bane ripped his hat to her peeling his clothes after he pressed the on button enjoying the warmth of the room but noticed it didn't feel as warm or as inviting as when your hot breath had touch him. He curled his lip back, Ain't no woman making me soft, he thought turning up the heat before settling himself down on the rock, even if she's hot, mouthy, dangerous and smart.

You strolled into the cantina with Bane grumbling about going to the bar, following after him you swirled your stool around scanning the cliental when you finally found him waiting two drinks near the gambling tables, "You know it would have been beneficial to tell me who were looking for," you poked, "Now excuse me, I have some business to care off."

"Look at you, beautiful as the stars themselves. Now where have you been?" he smiled handing you the drink.

"It's what one calls a prolonged vacation," you laughed, "I needed a break."

"You? a break? Ha. Now what are you doing with Bane, hmm? Dangerous fellow."

"So are we," you pointed out, "He showed up looking for a book and you know how I get." Trailing your gaze around the room you saw the countless stares at him and women fawning over him a few that had stares like ex lovers.

"Hondo Ohnaka," Bane drawled out looking at the man, "What'cha doin' with my associate?"

"We go way back," Hondo said patting your back, "Now do you mind? We were just getting to some business," he sighed watching Bane move into a close table, "As I was going to say, I did happen to stumble upon the information you were looking for, it does come with a price."

"I do see a sabbac table with some... wealthy people."

"You are speaking my language," Hondo smiled grabbing his drink offering you his arm pulling you into his lap as he sat at the table, "Say 80-20?" he whispered.

"70-30," you countered.

"You do know how to make a bargain and I have a feeling I am about to be a wealthier man."

Bane watched the game noticing the various cheats and tricks jaw tempted to drop when Hondo and you won barely doing any thing. How smart is she? He breathed a small contempt growl watching Hondo light up about you returning to the playing field before ushering you back off the table.

"You must teach me how you do that" Hondo exclaimed.

"You wouldn't have need of me anymore if I did," you countered smiling at.

"You do have a point but you know many than then I," Hondo said cutting you your percentage and sliding it across the table.

"And the information?"

Hondo's hand flicked to his blaster and shot the man walking through the door, "Hondo you can't keep shooting my exes!" you busted out.

"But it is such a fun game," Hondo feigned being wounded by the comment, "His face was... to ugly for the beauty in this room," he dismissed tucking the blaster away.

Bane looked down at the dead mammal in the door way that was getting dragged away. He heard you laughing letting his eyes peak and listened to the conversation as his curiosity peaked to if only had interest in other mammals. His olfactory gland tingled with a change in the air, he looked around finding another Duros walking in and joining the two of you at the table. The man slide into the booth side with her slipping her an info disk. "Chassis," he grumbled smelling the faint arousal coming off him. He saw the man lean over his mouth widening to bite her. His pulled his blaster out and shot him, twirling the gun putting it back in his holster. He strutted over and his body out of the seat and sat down.

"You wound me, Bane. He was not going to kill her. Do you think I would let someone kill my best friend, hmm?"

"Don' care. Don' want ma associate gettin' tangled up in dings dats none of her business."

You scowled at him slipping the disk into your pocket, "Do you know how much data I could have collected? If you find another, you know how to contact me." You stepped up onto the table and dropped down heading towards the ladies room to wipe the faint green blood off your dress. Getting in the door you barely had time to react when big hands found you clicking an injector into you. Hazily you left yourself get picked up before you were out.

"Wastin' time, wheras she?" Bane said noticing how long you were gone, "somethin's not right," he got up and shoved the refresher door open which got a couple yelps from the ladies, "Lookin' for my associate, you'd seen her?" Bane said staring them down, they all shook their heads. He could still faintly smell you crouching down he took in the faint smell of fear, "Dagnabbit!" He said getting up trying to track the faint smell but there was to many people in the building. As soon as he got outside the smell finally found him and he took off in it's direction, "Todo, girlies been kidnapped. Get eyes up," he commed in through his wrist band.

"I am not a surveillance droid-"

"Now Todo," he barked dropped back down finding the faint smell of blood. He flicked it with his tongue and revolting spitting it out, your smell clung to it but it wasn't yours. He got up guns draw, fresh blood so you were around here somewhere. He meticulously eyed every few point above seeing if anyone was trying to get the drop on him before he continued following the trail of blood. He found you leaning against the wall weakly holding your knifes as they were slowly falling out of your fingers and the body discarded on the floor next to you.

"I forgot how much I really hate people," you whispered the knifes finally falling out of your grasp and your butt hitting the ground.

"Aint'chu deadly lil lady, drugged 'nd still won," he said impressively watching your hands fumble for the knifes wiping them off on the man's clothes before tucking them back into your sleeves.

"I think... it's time for nap," your body's adrenaline rush finally ending succumbing to whatever was in the injector.

"Brin' da ship, I found 'er."

"Yes, Mr. Bane."

Bane hauled you on before looking over the body, no evidence, no sign of anything that would give him a clue. He scoffed and walked back on board taking you to the bed station to sleep whatever it was off. Bane quickly hooked up the warm.. cooling mammal and he forced his hands to work faster hissing when the read up came revealing a poison. He hauled the equipment and her into the heating room to try keep her alive as Todo flew them to the nearest medical station. He grabbed her com noticing a new message from an unknown device, he opened it and saw the message, "Next time." He flicked another toothpick into his mouth as he watched clammy sweat break out over your body, he attempted to turn down the heat when he faintly felt you grab one of his fingers.

"Turn it up," you breathed.

"Ain't gonna do dat, ya warm bloods ain't meant for heat."

"Heat negates the poison, need heat," you barely got out the dizziness causing your eyes to reel back and close.

Against his better judgement he turned up the heat. Weak lil mammals, so tender and easy to hurt. Slowly your color started returning but remained unconscious. His hand touched your arm watching you fly forward staring at his hand.

"Freeezing," your teeth chattered but he could feel the sweat breaking out across your skin.

He pulled his hand back but you placed them on your face, "Poison done?" He felt you nod and he removed one hand to shut the heat off watching you relax. You were boiling under his touch, "Cookin' alive, warn'd ya warm blood."

"Rather die from heat then poison," you gridded out trying to stand up but your legs failing.

"Room won' open til it cools in here," Bane removed his coat, vest and pants leaving him in a tank top and shorts "Ya brain betta be worth it," he hissed climbing into the cot uncomfortably feeling you basically head butt his chest to look your head, "How'd ya know about the poison?"

"One of the plants from Vossos. My mouth tasted like dirt, educated guess."

"Ya could'a been wrong."

"I am seldom wrong," you offered subconsciously moving a little closer to him, "Thanks for being my ice pack."

"Whuttunt 'bout to have ya die before ya could make ma credits," Bane paused playing with his toothpick, "Why're ya gonna let that Duros bite ya?"

"Testing my pain tolerance, wondering how long his scent would be in the mark, how far is the tracking range, if it would mask part of my scent," you paused grabbed the disk thankful it wasn't damaged, "At least this should have some of the answers."

"Why da interest in my species?"

"The more I know about you, your species, your behavior and reactions the more I can be of assistance. If I am to be joining you for who knows how long then it would help."

"Why'd ya not just me?"

"You seem to just ooze answers," you said sarcastically.

"One rotation, 'cross town or two, no, makes it stronga," he huffed out.

"Was that so hard?"

"Woman.." he growled his lip twitching.

"Fine. Are you aware the room has been cool for a few minutes," hastily he removed himself from you adjusting his clothing back together, "I was not complaining just making an observation," finally able to sit up, your head started swimming and you laid back down grabbing the chart looking at your vitals with a small groans.

"Whats'it?"

"Nothing," you forced yourself to stand up the room spinning, you attempted to walk a straight however your feet kept gently pulling you left, "It will pass."

"Somethin' you ain't tellin' me. Hurry it up, was' it?" Bane could smell it like a brush with death fear from her pores, "Back on da table, don' need you crookin' on me yet."

"Yet, funny," you retorted mockingly getting to the table laying down.

"Need anythin'?" he asked.

"Do you have bacta on board?"

He repeated it back scowling, " 'course I do."

"Bacta, the alcohol, a spoon and a glass," you watched him sunder off to grab the supplies quietly pissed at yourself for letting someone get the drop on you and in the refresher no less how obvious. Obvious. You grabbed your com device seeing the already opened message. Was it to kill me or was to get Bane's attention? You pondered it until he came back.

"I think the person who ordered the attack on me is the same person who paid for the first bounty when we first met," you said taking the supplies from him pouring the bacta into the whiskey wildly stirring it and slamming it back your face wrinkling in disgust.

"How'd ya figure?"

"Poison from the planet you met me on, poisoning the bounty, poison only specifically known in the book I showed you. Some who was watching us or you specifically... Cad Bane invites random girl on a score and the same girl to a cantina. Shooting the man I was flirting with might have been seen as not an innocent gesture. All of it seems coincidental," you said feeling the Bacta finally starting to scrub you from the inside.

"Ya got a point," he mumbled putting a fresh toothpick in mouth and adjust his hat, his finger tips one by one drumming on his hip.

"Let's continue with the job at hand, 'Next time' suggest they are going to try again however this time I will be more prepared... which is what they will be anticipating. Hmm. A dilemma."

"Ya think to much," he said trying to distract himself from how hot you looked when thinking.

"What is it?" you asked noticing him staring at you.

Whether it was the hormones raging in his system or his own interest in you he walked up and pinned your sitting form between his hands. Both of you under his wide brimmed he offered you his tooth pick. You leaned forward curious about the deeper meaning of it given Todo said he kills people who touches his tooth picks. Curiously you leaned forward watching him lean just the faintest bit forward your lips and his cool skin touching for a moment, a shadow of a kiss.

"Thinkin' it's worth ya time," he said letting out a raspy chuckle pulling back grabbing the supplies.

Your heart felt like it stopped for a moment, the gesture seemed so out of place for a man like him, "Bane, we're you seeing if I was going to kiss you?" you asked. Everything you've read suggested Bane showed he even rivaled Jango Fett as one of the most ruthless and toughest bounty hunters.

"Don' go gehet'n any wrong i'deres 'bout me, if I wanna I woulda."

"Thank you for the toothpick," you opted to say, "You coulda howeva," you said joking repeating his accent standing up to test the effects of the bacta, "Internal bacta would have been preferred but that did a satisfactory job. We can head back to the Cantina, you still need to show me who we're looking for."

Bane snatched the toothpick out of your mouth, "I warned ya not to be messin' round with dis Duros," putting his face infront of your glaring at you with a deep throated growl.

"You shot the one I was interested in, it's only fair or fair if you find me another one. Finding one short notice wasn't cheap," you hissed squinting back at him.

"Woman, ya playin a dangerous game."

"Bane-" you began to say as Todo came wizzing in.

"Oh my, am I interrupting again? I have a tendency to interrupt during his sexual encounters, often. Mr. Bane we are at the Medical Station however she should get looked out before you two continue this."

"You weren't, I concur about getting looked at," your tone returned to flat indifference as you side stepped the bolero hat wearing cowboy falling Todo to the docking station. The door opened to a small med team waiting, astonished when you were through the door and sat in their chair, "This should be quick," you told Todo, letting them wheel you away.

Bane hadn't moved from the spot when you walked out clumsily but still holding your head held up high. He clenched his jaw teeth exposed when he say Todo come back, "interrupt 'gain 'll be usin you for ship parts."

"Mr. Bane you are just grumpy from your Durosian-"

"Can it," he growled finally collecting himself, "both you are yappin to ma 'bout it."

"It is only natural, your species is attracted to intelligence. Unlike your past lovers she is extremely intelligent-"

Bane gave him a warning shot next to his head finally getting him to quiet. He stalked onto the med bay people hurriedly moving out of his notorious path following your scent to the bed where you were propped up while they ran test on you and let the Bacta do it's job. Unlike your earlier annoyance at him you were back to being jovial intellectual, unabashedly flirting with the male Togrutas nurse.

"You're lucky this one knows her stuff," the male nurse pointed out with a tiny wink, "Smart girl."

"Smar' mouth too," Bane added glaring at him til he left taking a free chair stretching out his legs and crossing them, "Hows'it?"

"No permanent damage, got scolded for drinking Bacta but it was the right call. Just got to wait till this bag empty's and I'm good to go, bill's been taken care off."

"I ain't worried 'bout no dang bill. Ya lucky it did ruin dat precious brain of yas."

"On that I do agree."

"Listen woman 'bout earlier-"

"Not here, never know who's listening," you said finding the unknown message pop up again 'Listen to her,' you showed Bane the message causing him to snarl. Blinked several times you attempted to out think the biological reaction that it caused but the smirk on his face proved he knew. Darting your glance around the room you didn't notice thing that seemed out of place, nothing electronic besides the machines next to you were buzzing, "Hmm," your hands fondled the comm device your fingers flipped it over and popped it apart studying each component until you find the barely noticeable chip that didn't belong. You ripped it out handing to Bane, "Shoot this and give me yours," Bane teeth bared as he grabbed the tiny chip setting it on the floor tossing you his as he shot it. Taking it apart you found another one in his, he took the chip stomped on it a few times with the heel of his boot before blasting it but then the nurses arrived in a panic, "Apologies, there was a bug. Bill me for the damages."

"I'll squish bugs for you ma'am," the male nurse winked before walking off with the other nurses.

Bane stood up squinting at his retreating figure felling your warm touch against his cool hand, "whuttunt gonna kill him," he lied.

"The look in your face says otherwise, same look you have before you shoot."

"How much ya been studyin' me?"

"Enough to know, Cowboy."

Bane sat down feeling your warmth retreat back to your mammalian body, interlacing your fingers together as you stared at the almost empty bag. Fidgeting he turned up the temperature his heat suit and gloves again to compensate for sudden spike and decline of heat. He watched the nurse with upturned lips letting his fangs be exposed as he came back unhooking you from the machine.

You rolled your eyes at him but allowed it as a substitute to shooting the innocent man. He helped you to your feet checking your balance before handing you a clean bill of health. The moment the door closed on The Justifier Bane shoved you against the wall gently sinking his teeth into your lips until he tasted the warm underneath spill into his mouth. Your fist clenched due to the pain but it was surprisingly pleasurable. The crimson of him bore into you gauging your reaction and his olfactory sense smelling the sweet gush that flooded you. You felt him retract his teeth letting his tongue flicked over the small wounds, a whispered barely noticeable recognizable sound came out of your mouth.

"Were goin' back to the Cantina, if dey try again I'll know were to fin' ya," he said walking off just to hear your footsteps behind him following him to the pilot seat. He watched you bend over him in the chair tilting his hat back feeling your teeth into his lower lip, he growled but you didn't stop. He yanked you into his lap feeling the sudden rush of heat pressing against him, then he tasted it the faint hit of his green in his mouth typically any form of spilling his blood lead to a quick merciless death.

You ran your tongue over the marks committing the taste of him to memory, before giving him a small kiss on the marks but hold on to you firm, "Did you require an analysis of the data?" you asked wiggling but he didn't give.

"Ya the one of da only ones livin to tell da tale, so tell ma," his voice was deeper lustful, the breathing apparatus strained trying to catch up with his breaths.

"Esalacha" you whispered the Durese word for excellent feeling his finger tips dig into you deeper, "It was only fair," you added making a show of the marks on the inside of your bottom lip as you pouted it at him. You listened to the metal hiss of his breathing machine as he practically ripped it off exposing deep sunken cheeks, you hand easily a dozen questions about how it worked given he didn't have a nose so how did he breath? You were lost in thought staring at his cheeks when you felt his lips press against yours forcibly. Focusing on the coolness you pushed against his lips with more force bring your hands to his jaw holding him. The sensation of his was like thousand of sparks ignited into a roaring wild fire. The foreign cool of his skin kept you grounded to the difference between the two of you, mammal and reptile, couple opposites in every sense of the word. Thumbing the recessed curve of his cheek he shoved you back violently making you stand. You blinked rapidity combing over all of the information you had on him and the Duros people leaving you to wonder what you did wrong as nothing sprung forth. You simples nodded retreating from the room not wanting to upset the ill tempered Duros further by asking questions to the cause of his behavior. You hoped up onto your bunk with your book opening it, throwing a knife above Todo's head, "If we haven't landed do not disturb me."

"Bane is requesting your pres-."

"If he needs me he can com me his question or can get me himself if it's important," you said flatly turning the page ignoring the flutter of your heart with the seething of anger coursing through you at his behavior. Logical as it was between the coursing of Duros hormones and being aware you were attractive woman, the hot and cold treatment was rather effective at reminding you to keep him at arms length regardless of how attractive he was. When Todo left you didn't bother to remove the blade leaving it implanted into the wall as a warning incase he came in again. Finally feeling the ship dock again you closed the book hoping down sticking the vibro blade back into the sheath of your sleeve. Peering out the view port you were back on Corellia. As soon as the ramp lowered you were walking off hearing Banes breathing apparatus and footsteps approaching. Hearing the sizzle of fire you turned around seeing Bane's boots flaming him into the air until he landed next to you. You rolled your eyes not nothing to look at his lean up tight form but out of the corner of your eye you noticed he was wearing is hat lower shadowing more of his face.

"No hard feelings," you mumbled giving him a bluff of a genuine smile holding the door of the Cantina open for him.

"Need'sa drink, wan'cha to join me."

"Are you going to talk about earlier?"

"Nah, it woul' be wastin' my breath."

"If that is how you feel then I will respect that," you replied putting on a chipper attitude, "So who are we looking for?"

" 'im" Bane said pointing his toothpick at the man sitting alone in a booth.

Eyes finding the man your jaw dropped, "We're lookin for Hondo?"

"Didn' get da time to say."

You slid into the seat next to Hondo letting Bane take the empty side, "Gorgeous, I was wondering were you two had run off too leaving me here alone with no company."

"Got kidnapped and had to deal with being poisoned, I'm sorry to keep you waiting."

"Poisoned? Back on your feet already tsk you should be resting but you have always been one of kind tough."

You tapped your skull, "My brains do much my beauty after all," you winked.

"That they do, dangerous combination. I believe you're looking for this," Hondo mumbled sliding the disk across the table to Bane's quick hand sliding it into his pocket sliding credits back across the table at him.

"Now I must insist you keep me company."

"Actually Bane promised me a drink first."

"Don't be hogging this beauty to yourself, Bane. Tsk have fun, if not," Hondo said shrugging, "you owe me a drink on your next vacation."

"Maybe two drinks if you're nice," you teased.

Bane left wordless to the bar counter, "Whiskay two," he said tapping his fingers on the place in front of him watching you slide into the seat next to him.

"Ya an' Hondo a thing?" he asked.

"Hondo? Maker no, not my type, but we're both shameless flirts and there's no harm in it."

"What is ya type?" he asked.

"A man to smart for his own good anything beyond that it doesn't really matter to me."

Both of you turned to stare at each other mutually perceiving it was the same answer. Bane took took his drink sipping on it, woman's making me soft, his lip twitched into his drink as he took another swig.

"Why did you push me off? Do you breath from your cheeks?" You question.

"Ya were actin' soft, I don' do soft."

"You want to see my fire?" You said cocking your head to the side raising with a mischievous smile, “You won’t it if I do.”

“Let’ quit wastin’ time and go,” he growled leaning into your ear his hand going to the slit in your dress letting his long fingers spread wide across your thigh gripping it like he was dangling in the air being held with you as his ropes, “Drat woman,” he flutter smelling how coated your inner warmth was for him, “Betta gehet outta here before I change my min’ “

Swiftly you got up and shoved him into the bar counter by the base of his throat with your nails, “No more games, Bane, yes or no,” you glared, “Just because you’ve charmed your way into most of the ladies here doesn’t mean you will with me. You can’t be the only smart intelligent man in the galaxy.”

He unwrapped finger for his whiskey, “Woman, ya best remove your han’ if ya know what’s good for ya.”

You pressed yourself into him your hand moving to the back of his neck pulling him to your face until you were hovering just centimeters from his thins lips. He broke the distance his teeth grazing the wounds reopening them giving you a deep vocal growl. Your hand vibrated on the back of his neck from the noise, you gave him a soft moan into his mouth slowly removing your hand from his heat suit running down his leathered chest.

He grabbed your hand backwards stirring you towards the door, “Don’ do dat in public again,” he hissed.

“Only in private?” you leered, feeling his free hand go to your throat pushing you back up the ramp.

His tongue flicked over your lips not so gently breaching your mouth feeling every inch of your mouth that he could reach as he continued you push you back threw the ship to the cell room tossing you onto the coat, “if ya play ya cards right this time,” he finally answered tossing off his gloves, breathing device and coat. Smirking over the lust in your eyes looking at him , “Ya smell good,” he purred slowly stalking towards you like the predator he is.

You tried be un-phased by the noise but you couldn’t help the little squirm that made him grin wider. You stared up into his narrowed eyes. His gaze alone pinning you in place even if he wasn’t touching you yet, “Going to keep making me wait, Cowboy?”

“No ma’am,” Bane purred.

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byullielle · 10 months

Text

Spoiled Rotten // Lee Know x Han Jisung

Certain situations where you'd simply think, "Minho really is in love with Jisung, isn't he?"

Tags: Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Minsung, Cuddling, Mentions and Discussions of Anxiety, Light Angst, Est. Relationship, No Reader Involved,

disclaimer: if talking about mental health affects you negatively the more sensitive part is right under 'A Bad Day,' if you don't like discussions of mental health and mild angst, scroll down to 'The Masterful Cat'. i am in no way putting words into jisung's mouth, this is fictional and may inaccurately depict how he's feeling these days.

The Twitter Incident

"You don't follow Minho hyung's private twitter?" Seungmin raises his head from the couch as Jisung furrows his brows at him, "He has a private twitter?"

"Dear god," Jeongin groans and flops a pillow on his face, making Jisung recoil in confusion a bit. "I'm...sorry?"

"No no not you, hyung," Jeongin exasperatedly sighs while furiously scrolling through his phone, "Minho hyung needs to though cause what I know now is infuriating," he starts to ramble on, Jisung still confused about what the fuck was even happening. And before Jeongin could pull it up Seungmin is shoving the phone into Jisung's hand, Minho's private Twitter account opened.

"I was about to ask where you ate yesterday," Seungmin explains, "Because of the recent post,"

"Oh god," Jisung could feel his cheeks heat up as he scrolls, it was the same pattern; text tweet, cat retweet, and three Jisung tweets with the sappiest, cringiest captions known to man. It wasn't a surprise that Minho loved silently doting on Jisung but this was a whole layer he had yet to grasp from Minho's cold dead hands. "Honestly, it's like following a Jisung fansite except it's all lovey-dovey and gross," Jeongin mutters before Minho enters the room, "What's gross and lovey-dovey?"

The three jolt up in shock, a startled noise escaping Seungmin as he grabs his phone from Jisung while the latter lets out an embarrassed squawk. The older man looks at the three of them with suspicion, his cat eyes scanning each of them one by one before Jeongin decides to speak up, "Seungmin hyung, let's get a drink?" he gently nudges, shooting an apologetic look towards Han who looks absolutely betrayed. "Traitor," he mumbles under his breath, still embarrassed with the current information he has now.

"What happened?" Minho raises a brow, slightly accusatory towards Jisung before he stammers and scrambles around for words, "You have a fansite of me?!"

"What?!" Minho replies in shock back, the two of them staring at each other like they've grown extra heads.

"Y-Your private twitter!" Jisung points at him, "W-Why's your private twitter so...full of me?! And why am I not in it?"

Minho takes a while to process it before it connects. "Kim Seungmin," he deathly growls out and Jisung scrambles up to his feet to delay Seungmin's further demise. "Calm down,"

"No. You've found something I have to take someone to the grave for,"

"I-" Jisung blocks his path, a cute pout on his lips, "I'm not mad about...you posting me," he finishes as Minho's brows quirk up a bit, mildly surprised before shrugging like he wasn't livid the other minute.

"Is that so," he hums

"But lessen your posts about me, geez hyung," Jisung shyly mutters before Minho chuckles and pinches Jisung's ear between his fingers, gently cajoling his face closer, "Your ears are red,"

"So are yours," Jisung frowns and Minho places a soft and chaste kiss on his jutted-out bottom lip, "For the record, nobody can stop me,"

Jisung groans and pushes Minho away playfully, his face still steadily heating up as he covers his ears. "Fine, play it your way,"

And after Kim Seungmin's funeral—Jisung kicked Minho out of his own private twitter. Unless his boyfriend added him, he could post all~ the Minho pictures his little quokka heart so desires.

Cheesecake (and how to bait a boyfriend with it)

Minho sighs in relief as he removes the lock around the freshly refrigerated cheesecake. Felix helped him throughout most of the process, even borrowing the utensils he always used to make pastries and to say he was proud of himself was quite an understatement. He excitedly pulls his phone out and takes a picture, immediately sending it to Jisungie. Basically throwing the line into the water.

And before Minho could even close his phone, Jisung replies. After the quick exchange, he inputs a pod into Seungmin's coffee maker, ice into the glass it dispenses it into before making a mental note to pay him back after. In 6 minutes tops, Jisung knocks on their door before letting himself in, Minho's back turned to him with the kitchen sink up and running.

"Ah you're here," he looks back to see Jisung dressed in the biggest hoodie (assuming he stole it from Chan's laundry), making him look way smaller than he already is. "Go take how much you like, I made cheesecake," he instructs while rinsing off the spatula he used.

Jisung's brows rise up in pleasant surprise, "You made cheesecake,"

"I made you cheesecake, don't get it twisted," Minho clarifies which makes Jisung giggle as he walks up to the kitchen counter, Americano to pair with the sweet treat. "Thanks hyung," Jisung shyly thanks him before observing the perfect slice, seeing the entirety of the cake by the corner, "It looks and smells great," he mutters while placing the plate close to his nose.

"I didn't want to mess it up by adding extras so soon so you have to deal with a plain one,"

Jisung beams up at him with all his heart-mouth glory. "If hyung makes it it's immediately my favorite thing," he gushes before taking a forkful and pops it into his mouth. Minho stops washing the dishes momentarily to look at his reaction. He doesn't quite hum the way he does if extremely likes a cheesecake flavor but his eyes light up nonetheless, hand held up to his mouth and his brows shooting for the skies, "Tastes healthy," Jisung beams after he finishes the one bite before immediately taking another.

Relieved rather than pleased, Minho turns to the dishes and takes a mental note to make it a bit sweeter next time. Maybe add a few berries so that he doesn't go into a sugar crash.

Wiping his hands dry, Minho notices that Jisung has taken the liberty of picking up another slice. He sits beside Jisung, watching him stuff his face. Contentment floods his system, simply satisfied with watching and being around Jisung. Safe to say his main reason for making the cheesecake was successful.

He suddenly finds himself face to face with a fork loaded with a piece of cheesecake. He looks up at Jisung with a confused look until he gets the message to 'just take a bite hyung'. He shrugs and figures it's useless fighting it as he opens up and takes a bite.

It does taste "healthy" as Jisung describes, which to Minho is not overly sweet and just right but knowing his sweet-tooth of a boyfriend is going to be a little bit lacking. He finally verbalizes it, making Jisung beam up at him sweetly—"I'll make it sweeter next time,"

Lego Flowers

Either way, Jisung sends the link with a victorious smile on his face, knowing damn well that Minho wouldn't pass up an opportunity to say yes to his request. Jisung wasn't demanding by any means, usually gifts given by Minho are unasked yet greatly appreciated. But this time Jisung personally thinks it'll be such a cute idea if he and Minho built flowers together since he has long disproved of Minho sending flowers to the 3RETCHA dorm because they die off too quickly.

"Why are you smiling at your phone like an idiot?" Hyunjin lightheartedly chastises, making Jisung stick his tongue out before locking it and setting it face down on the table. "Why bother asking, you know why," Changbin comments, wiping sweat off his forehead due to his post-workout sending Jisung a look of, 'Question is what did Minho do to make you smile,'

"It's a secret," Jisung answers the wordless question.

Needless to say, he was extremely excited.

The moment Seungmin calls Minho for one Amazon express delivery, he haul-asses to Jisung's dorm—iced americano and lego set on hand. "Oh you're here," Changbin flatly greets while opening the door, making Minho roll his eyes at him before the younger's eyes drift towards Minho's loaded hands, "Ah so that's what he was giggling about 3 days ago," he mindlessly spews out before moving aside for Minho.

He couldn't deny that there was a sense of pride and joy hearing that Jisung was giggly about the entire ordeal. But he kept his mouth shut either way. He makes his way in and Jisung comes bolting out his room with a wide smile on his face, "Hyung! You really got it for me!" he happily saunters to him and takes the box, observing it closely.

"What would you have done if I didn't," Minho sets the Americanos down with a smile, Jisung's excitement very infectious. "Hm? I dunno, I'll buy it myself," he answers before leaning against Minho's shoulder, looking up at his boyfriend with his renowned baby girl eyes. "Thank you hyungie," he smiles, genuine and sweet which makes Minho's heart squeeze up.

"You're welcome Jagiya," he reciprocates the smile and kisses his forehead. "Now help me assemble it!" he excitedly detaches from Minho's shoulder, grabbing both his hand, the lego set, and the coffee into the living room. He pulls the coffee table closer before setting everything down. Minho lets himself be whisked away, weak to Jisung's whims.

In an hour, they've finished three flowers, the other remaining parts on the coffee table while Jisung's legs are comfortably propped up against Minho's legs, his knees turning into some sort of leaning table as they softly talk and bicker while forming the bouquet.

Changbin might've taken a picture of them both should he want a favor from Minho but that's an entirely different story.

A Bad Day

Minho pants out, hands on his knees as he struggles to catch his breath. Once he gets his bearings together and wipes his sweat off, he rapidly knocks on the door to see Chan with relief washing over his features. "He's in his room," he simply supplies, "Get him to eat something too please,"

"I will," he nods before stepping in. He darts to Jisung's room before softly knocking, twisting the knob, and peering inside to see a lump of blankets on the bed. Jisung's head pops out with a small frown etched on his lips Jisung lets Minho in.

"Sorry it's messy," he softly apologizes, barely audible if Minho's proximity wasn't close. It was one way to put it—his bed was undone, expected since he was 100% sure Jisung never left the bed before he came, there were undiscarded cups and three bowls on his desk, and his make-up and skincare were cluttered all over his small vanity and the 'clothes chair,' was already full, a few items on the floor.

"Go lay down jagiya, I'll just take care of these a bit," Minho slots his hand between the hoodie and Jisung's soft cheeks, caressing the skin with fervor and absolute gentleness before running his hand through his hair quickly.

Jisung just quietly nods, far used to Minho cleaning up after him on bad days. He felt guilty but his boyfriend would make sure he does the job with a smile just to ease the negative feelings off him.

He starts picking the unused utensils and kitchenware out, pacing around the 3RETCHA dorm to dispose of them quickly. It was relatively quiet–none of the others attempting to ask about Jisung just yet.

He goes back and sees Jisung cuddled up beneath the sheets, watching his every move as he folds up the clothes piling up on the chair and makes every toppled-down toner or ointment on his vanity stand up straight in an organized pile.

"Thank you," he speaks up from the sheets before Minho approaches and slumps down towards him, making Jisung airlessly gasp and giggle, "Ah hyung," he softly whines while Minho jostles him to the side, sitting up against the headboard before placing Jisung's head on his trusty thighs.

"Hello cutie,"

"Hi hyung," Jisung greets, smile not as wide as he'd prefer but for now it would suffice.

"Bad day?"

"Bad month," he mutters, closing his eyes as Minho cards his fingers through his hair, gently patting it under his white hood. Minho frowns, "Do you want to talk about it jagi?"

Jisung knows that even if Minho is supportive, he couldn't quite word it in a way that would make sense for a person who doesn't regularly go into monthly slumps and bouts of anxiety. Alas, he tries.

"I feel so sucked out of energy hyung. Like not even eating or drinking one of those energy tonics could help," he sighs putting an arm over his eyes as Minho's ministrations halt, "I just wanna lay down all day and not head out but at the same time my subconscious is yelling and fighting me to get up and work. I'm guilty I feel this way," he quietly rambles, voice starting to get a bit shaky, "I thought I could push it down further. I really did, but I just can't," he squeaks.

Minho hums, knowing better than to say anything as he feels Jisung tremble under his touch, a soft sniffle escaping him before sobs wrack his body. "It's okay jagiya," he lovingly loves his back, leaning forward to kiss away the tear streaking Jisung's cheek, "Cry it out okay? I'll be here," he softly whispers as the younger man grasps his hand, just keeping it there for stability as he cries his worries away.

It was hard for Minho to witness Jisung breaking into pieces, and he also carried the knowledge that it'll forever be harder for Jisung. He was so ready to steal the moon and stars for his little quokka, the love of his life and he just so wishes that he could easily kiss every single anxious thought of Jisung away. Although it wasn't as possible as he'd like, there would always be moments like these, and the best he could do is stay.

Petting his hair as Jisung dozes off with tears lining his eyelashes like constellations, Minho sighs out and presses a soft kiss to his lips, leaning back into the headboard before taking his phone out to text Chan, to bring water and a light snack; maybe crackers or rice cakes.

The eldest then peers his head into the door after 5 minutes, food and a drink in tow before setting it down on Jisung's nightstand, mindfully moving carefully so as to not rouse the tired man from his sleep. "He okay?"

"He will be," Minho assures, "He just needs a while,"

The Masterful Cat

With a bag of convenience store snacks, Jisung inputs the code into the Minho + Maknae dorm, not bothering to knock since BokSeungAri were all out, leaving the dorm all to themselves. Minho was already setting the living room TV up when Jisung arrives, their Crunchyroll subscription finally put into good use for a while. "I come bearing gifts!" Jisung lifts the bag up proudly, making Minho softly smile before patting the couch down, "Get comfy, I'll just throw the trash then I'm all yours,"

"Ah, I hope my body pillow would hurry with the chores~" Jisung singsongs while airing out the properly folded blanket. It was fluffy and smelled fresh out of the dryer which makes Jisung somehow extra happy. "Bold of you to assume I'm the body pillow," Minho rolls his eyes before heading out to dump their daily garbage.

Getting himself comfortable, Jisung leans back against the cushions, cradling one of Jeongin's couch pets into his arms while Minho washes his hands and then, dramatically plops himself onto Jisung. A soft 'oof' is knocked out of him before he reaches over for a snack, opening it as Minho presses play on the remote.

They watch and concentrate on the show, Jisung occasionally feeding Minho some chips and quipping about how the cat is so much like Minho, a coy malewife with the penchant for perfection and being a menace. "The animation is a bit too grand," he mumbles as Minho hums, his head on Jisung's stomach. Ever since falling behind on gym, his stomach has gotten way more softer, and he loves it so much.

When the episode ends, Minho groans and stretches, never detaching from Jisung's body before burying his face in Jisung's tummy, reaching behind and giving his ass a comforting squeeze. The younger male just giggles at the slightly ticklish contact. "Hyung~ what are you doing jagiya?" he tilts his head as Minho looks up, "Healing time," he simply supplies, sending blood to Jisung's ears and cheeks. "W-What else do you wanna watch hm?" he reaches for the remote before he makes eye contact with Minho again.

And he couldn't help it, not when his pretty boyfriend is lazily lounging on his stomach just staring up at him with nothing but adoration, does he lean down and capture Minho's lips into a kiss. It isn't heated nor deep, but it made their hearts full, souls happy. SO happy that Jisung couldn't help but smile against his lips before pulling back.

"Something funny?" Minho furrows his brows before the latter shakes his head. "I just love you,"

And Minho smiles, pressing another kiss up his cute lips, slotting together like they were molded for each other to hold, "I love you too, jagiya,"

if you wanna send in a prompt or an ask or just say hi feel free to do so!!

#skz #skz soft thoughts #skz scenarios #skz minsung #minsung #lee know #skz lee know #stray kids lee know #skz han #stray kids han #han jisung #stray kids minsung #skz fluff #stray kids fluff

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theantarwitch · 1 year

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Colors: Correspondences and Meaning

Each color has its own spiritual vibration, kind of like a radio station that projects specific music when it’s tuned in just right.

The shade of a particular color is important as is its overall intensity. Bright, vibrant, clean hues accent similar types of active energy. Their crispness presents a clear purpose to both the universe and your subconscious. Darker colors settle and ground things, accenting a more restful state. Muddied hues aren’t very good for magic unless the color is being used as a substitute for an item (like mustard yellow being used when no mustard seed is present for a spell).

Ways to use it:

Picking the color of your candles according to your ritual or spell goal or use them as elemental markers.

Finding an altar cloth with the right colors for your sacred pace. White is one nice choice because it’s pure, however it can be hard to keep clean.

Applying objects with various hues in creating charms, amulets and talismans (perhaps red rose petals in a “drawing love” charm).

Getting labels with color highlights for your magical herbs.

Imagining various colors in your visualizations in the form of light directed into your body and spirit.

Wearing garments at home, work, play or in ritual that reflect the energy you most want drawn into your day. This includes accessories.

Using tinted paper and/or ink for spells with a written component.

Activating your inner kitchen witch, add food coloring to your edible spells. Or choosing beverages and foods that have the right color for your goal (like a vibrant strawberry love potion).

Choosing a spell’s components by its associated color symbolism.

Lighting the magical work space with colored light bulbs reflecting intention.

Hanging sheer curtains of a specific color so that the light shines through and disperses the energy.

Pick colored paper for different parts of your Witch’s spell book.

Important: All the correspondence lists in the world matter little if a color has a personal meaning for you. It may go against all the traditional associations, but that does not matter. You have an emotional and mental connection to that color and its symbolism. USE THAT.

List of basic colors:

Yellow:

Represent: Air. Sun/Mercury. The presence and powers of Air Deities, and Sun/ Light Deities. Sunlight.

Personality: Intellect, thought, analysis, mental clarity, reason, optimism, movement, confidence, power of thought, logic, memory, creativity, constancy, knowledge, understanding, easy exchange of thoughts, harmonizing of will/emotions, learning, focus, intent, productivity, charisma, communication, experience, personal achievement, conscious clarity, faith, joy, leadership.

Material: Success, abundance, blessing, general health.

Powers: Spiritual progress, telepathy, and direct contact with spirits.

Used for: Protection, solar magic, things for which we hope and wish, spells for career success, for manifesting positive life changes that enrich your well-being, ideal to use when you feel down, dealing with depression, or just need a burst of sunlight in life.

Vibrant yellow is a Fire color while pale yellow corresponds to Air.

Orange:

Represent: Air/Fire. Mercury/Mars/Sun. The combination of yellow’s mental agility and red’s energetic nature. The season of fall.

Body: Health, nervous disorders, controlling runaway emotions.

Personality: Mental agility, eloquence, speech, ambition, personal creativity, memory and sharing, writing, adaptability, encouragement, uplifting, thoughtful, willfulness, awareness, intrepidity.

Material: Balancing business, travel, successful energy, to motivate safety.

Social: Career, legal issues, balance, neutrality, organization, business transactions and obtaining information, justice, opportunity, kindness, friendship, understanding, reliability.

Used for: To help in creative endeavors, passage and cycles, when is trying to overcome bad habits, fear, or other obstacles, sending courage and bring a dose of enthusiasm in facing adversities, breaking spells, Fire magic, to attract never-ending wealth, and every single desire a person has.

Can spark negative emotions such as jealousy, cowardice, and a sudden change of heart that scars other people’s feelings.

Red:

Represent: Fire. Mars. Stimulation, intensity, active action, energy, force, power.

Body: Life’s essence, blood, birth, blood purifying, sexual dysfunctions, rashes and inflammations, strength, stamina, fertility, sexuality.

Personality: Will, passion (toward persons, the arts, a job, love, or learning), courage, freedom, charisma, enthusiasm, conquering fear, bravery, fast action.

Social: Marriages, lust, loyalty, social outlets, travels.

Used for: Protection from fire, change, transformation, summer magic, fire magic.

Can be wild and unpredictable, give violence, be destroying.

Magenta:

Body: Spiritual healing, add energy to rituals which demand an elevated level of spiritual power.

Social: Sexuality, confidence in sexual situations, flirtation, attract female lover.

Used for: Exorcism, immediate action, enhances other colors, adds speed to magic, facilitate quick changes and fast results, to get rid of some past event, to overcome self-esteem issues, gain confidence.

A combination of red and violet, possesses the qualities of both these colors. Hot pink, dark pink and magenta are all used for anything related to lust and passion.

Pink:

Represent: Fire. Venus. Summon and honor deities of love, femininity, and joy.

Body: Physical beauty, some skin disorders, asthma, bronchitis, bruises, fevers, nervousness, fertility, healing capacity that cures physical, spiritual, and emotional wounds, bring a motherly warmth that facilitates a soothing and revitalizing cure, the sick will go through a speedy recovery process from any illness and finally let good health return.

Personality: Arts, inspiration, creativity, raise energies, compassion, openness, intuition, warmth and self-love, inner harmony, calming and relaxing, great for self-care, ideal to when you need to be kind to yourself, women empowerment.

Social: Heart-felt emotions, kind feelings, marriage, new relationships, friendship, attracting new loves, partnerships, romance, attraction, heart connections, family, subtle sexual vibrations, nurture relationships, incredibly healing, especially in matters of love, motherly love.

Used for: Healing spells, self-love spells.

Purple:

Represent: Air/Water. Jupiter/Neptune. The Divine.

Body: Heal the soul especially when a person went through many psychic attacks, fixes distorted sleeping patterns and reduces sleep paralysis, healing and removing diseases from the mind and body, remove anxiety and stressful emotions.

Personality: Guidance, devotion, religion, charm, wisdom, knowledge, intuition, power, ambition, creative projects, idealism, academic learning, balance.

Material: Progress, breaking of bad luck, accomplishment, material wealth, extravagance, fame, fortune, life’s luxury.

Social: Leadership, authority, justice, legal matters, to stop gossip or lies.

Powers: Meditation, divination, psychic abilities, mysticism, spirituality, clairvoyance, access of higher realms, spirit contact and to enhance spiritual and psychic powers.

Used for: Prophetic dreams, driving away evil, releases progressive and protective energies, sends goodbyes to departed ones.

Violet represents connection to the higher self and Spirit; Lilac represents the vibrant inner child.

Blue:

Represent: Water. Neptune/Mercury/Jupiter. Gentle but strong energy, summons and honors the deities related to rivers, lakes, sky, and seas.

Body: Spiritual and physical healing, sleep peace, dreams.

Personality: Calming, tranquility, hope, freedom, equilibrium, peace, joy, balancing diverse factors (like spirituality and mundane life), inspiration, wisdom, clarity, good will, patience, guidance, improved self-image.

Material: Change, easy transitions, traveling, prosperity.

Social: Written and oral skills, communications, truth, sincerity, expression, loyalty, mature love and commitment, honor, friendships, harmony in home, forgiveness, trust, courtesy, consideration (yours or that of another person), sharing, honesty, integrity, family, the ancestors.

Powers: Meditation, divinatory energy, especially for predicting the future.

Used for: Purifying, protection, to finding answers to life’s mysteries, absorb negative emotions, aid in breaking creativity block, emotional healing spells.

Light blue is a patient color while dark blue supports dream magic.

Green:

Represent: Earth. Venus/Jupiter/Mars. Nature, associated with the magical realm of fairies and any entity related to the earth or nature.

Body: Soothes every pain, heal the body, mind and heart, fertility, rejuvenation, resurrection.

Personality: Hope, love, enthusiasm, diligence, wisdom, harmony, logic, attitude to changes, teachings, motivates organization.

Material: Success, growth, prosperity, money, luck, abundance, earthly possessions, foundations.

Used for: Very helpful to encourages movement and helps overcome indecisiveness in front of a tough choice to make, bring the best choice, for money spells, dream job spell, to remove bad luck.

Dark green encourages fertility, while ivy green stresses the emotions and sprout green accents vitality and steady progress.

Brown:

Represent: Earth. Attractive to earth elementals and earth spirits.

Personality: Solidity, practicality, solitude, honesty, emotional balance, clear thinking, concentration, intuition, common sense, stability, security, endurance, strengthening, solidifying, focus.

Material: Building, house, home, accumulation of money and material things, material wealth, healing plants and animals, finding lost items, gardening, fruitfulness, harvest, the health of pets and livestock, construction.

Social: Organization, study, family stability, friendship, generosity.

Used for: Energy, grounding, centering, protection, decision-making, manifestation magic, animal magic, nature magic, new beginnings, home protection, if you are selling your home, if you have done something wrong to seek forgiveness, earth magic.

Combines the prosperity of green with the intellect of yellow.

Black:

Represent: Air. Saturn. Has the aspects of all elements, also, being void of all colors, it has the unique ability to absorb.

Personality: Self-control, tenacity, constancy, restriction, depression, sickness, rebirth, wisdom, resilience and discipline, recognizing your attributes and limitations honestly, cause and effect, very personal transitions, rest.

Powers: Hidden secrets, releasing and truth, transmutation.

Used for: Quiet power, create a strong barrier that protects people, uncrossing, binding negative forces, removing confusion from contact with spirits, banishing, reversing, hex breaking, ward off any negative vibes, ending bad habits, protection.

Gray:

Represent: Water. Moon. The color of darkness tempered by light. Neutrality, complexity, uncertainty, balancer of positive and negative.

Personality: Peace, patience, to gain discernment and wisdom when meditating over complex or confusion topics.

Powers: Attuning to the spirit world, veiling, invisibility, vision quests.

Used for: Shielding, self-defense, neutralizes harmful energies, protective magic, break spells.

White:

Represent: Water/Air. Moon.

Body: Healing, restore.

Personality: Godliness, cleanliness, purity, potential, serenity, seeking the truth, virginity, peace, awareness, wisdom.

Powers: High spirituality, higher self, divination, increasing psychic powers, spiritual connection, summon the presence of a person’s ancestral spirits.

Used for: Protection, lunar protection spells, purification, cancel magical aims, harmful curses and energies, clearing away old energies and bringing in fresh, new, happy ones.

Is the unity of all colors, so is compatible with all colors, can be used in any spell or ritual as an enhancer, is essentially a blank slate.

Gold:

Represent: Fire. Sun. Channels the power of the Sun and The God.

Personality: Increasing understanding, knowledge, strength, harmonizing wills and emotions, hope, intelligence, illumination, wisdom, confidence, optimism.

Material: Fortune, money, success, wealth, glamour.

Social: Power, promotion, leadership.

Used for: Healing, attracts positive influences, to increasing one’s personal power, fame or fortune.

Silver:

Represent: Air. Moon. The Goddess. Similar qualities to white, used in any magic dealing with Moon or cosmos.

Personality: Purity, precious, elegant, sensitivity, grace, potential, fame, inspiration, resolve inner conflict.

Powers: Psychic enhancement, mystic aptitude, divination, clairvoyance, energy, channeling, astral travel, overall psychic receptivity.

Used for: Protection, defense and repelling spells, spells connected to long-term memory and remembering past lives.

* * �� *

#witchcraft #witches #witch #witchy #paganism #pagan #correspondences #colors #baby witch #New Witch #witch beginner #spell

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verndusk · 10 months

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15 Questions - 15 Mutuals

Thank you so much @freesia-writes for the tag!

I guess this is a good opportunity to introduce myself and give a little bit about me since I never really did, haha. Not intended to be so secretive - but also not used to sharing so much on social media! So the answers to the questions are below!

Were you named after anyone?

Yes! I'd rather not reveal my legal name but I was named after a Polish jouralist, writer, and traveller! When it comes to the name Vern - the story behind that is a little funny, at least to me! I was browsing chickensmoothie.com and noticed a pet with a randomly chosen name "Verndesk" - thought it was cool, but also thought "Verndusk" would sound a lot cooler! And it does, so that's that. :)

When was the last time you cried?

Ah, a few days ago. I was imagning scenarions between my OC's. Specfically the padawan Towa, she survives order 66 but at the cost of her master, as it typically goes. She survives alone for years, living in shame and fear - until she sees one of the clones from her squad who defected. They're my babies, okay? I can get emotional over them... (T⌓T)

Do you have kids?

Nope! I am 19 and can barely take care of myself, no thank you! Though my mother and grandmother had their first child at 20... looks like some family patterns will be broken!

Do you use sarcasm?

Yeah... It's a little counterintuitive for myself since I have a hard time figuring out when other people are sarcastic to me - but I love to dish out some sarcasm. oops.

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Is "the vibe" a valid answer? I actually try not to look at people and avoid them when I can, my autistic ass hates (irl) social interaction when it's not needed.

What’s your eye color?

I have slight heterochromia, both my eyes are mostly green, but one is paler than the other - though it's not really noticable unless you look at me closely... it runs in the family actually!

Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings! I can handle horror okay but I prefer a good resolution at the end.

Any special talents?

I guess that depends on what "special talent" entails? I can move my ears, and bend my fingers up in a funny unnatural way. Does remembering obscure knowledge aboun niche subjects count as a talent?

Where were you born?

Poland!

What are your hobbies?

Art (kind of obvious), cooking, gardening, gaming, and writing!

Have any pets?

My cat Poppy, she's 2 and I love her with all my heart. She's a little bitch but it's not her fault. We got her as a kitten, and my whole family has been smitten by her! She's a void kitty! Fun fact, I named her after the poppy flower because her fur is black like poppy seeds, she wears red collars like poppy flowers, and has green eyes like poppy stems - also born in November (1st), which in the UK is known for it's poppies in rememberance of veterans. :)

What sports do/have you played?

Not many... dyspraxia be damned! But I did enjoy cricket and badmintom at school - I love watching volleyball games from time to time though!

How tall are you?

5''4 :)

Favorite subject at school?

Art, History, Psychology, Criminology! I can't pick just one, honestly!

Dream job?

Psychologist! Planning to go to university after this gap year to study psychology - hopefully become a therapist in the future. I would love to work with younger people especially, since I know that was the age I was most affected by my mental health, and would follow in the footsteps of my own therapist that I had when I was a teenager. I want to be the person my younger self would have needed.

________

I don't think I actually have 15 mutuals to tag, so if you see this and are mutuals with @swarovski-yoda (that's my main haha), feel free to also participate! I am very bad at tagging games (especially on twitter) and inbox chains but I do see and appreciate all of them!

#thank you for the tag again!#aaand that's a little bit about myself #polska gurom #hehe

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rissi-chan · 3 months

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Patreon Launch!

Hey, fellow fanatics!

I decided to finally take the plunge and launch a Patreon for my art (fanart and original) and writing (fanfic and original). Both becaue it will motivate me to draw and write more often, and because of my current life situation (which will be explained as best I can under the cut, for those that care to read).

There will be NSFW content in certain pledges, so MDNI with the subscription levels that include that stuff!

Fanart will mostly be BG3 as that is my most recent and current hyperfixation, but other fandoms I am likely to produce content from include:

Dungeons and Dragons, Dragon Age, Mass Effect, Touchstarved

AND potentially the occasional/rare otome/dating sim fandoms, Fire Emblem, and various anime and/or manga.

Along with original content and characters that live in my head rent free!

I will also most likely periodically do commissions—but I will have to set up a pricing breakdown/separate web page for that, probably.

Here is the link to my freshly launched page!:

Now, the life ramble that explains my current situation:

So, life is hard.

I've been lucky. I don't pay rent (I still live with my mother). I only have to help pay for groceries on occasion. I have a job (barely, but we'll get into that) with probably the most freedom/flexibility on could possibly imagine. I have free time—loads.

So what's the problem?

The job I mentioned is hard to really call a job. I'm all but officially unemployed. My parents (when my dad was still alive) bought the local newspaper that my mom has worked at for nearly as long as I've been alive. We live in a small, SMALL town. The run of each weekly issue is maybe in the 2,000-4,000 range. We make most of our money selling ads (which is gross, but the newspaper industry is failing in general, and we are a just a local, rural print and many choose other, more advanced forms of advertisement which reach a broader audience). We've been in the red for the past 2 years, my mother often skipping her own pay check to ensure that she can pay the 2 other elderly employees that are on staff. I make less than $400 a month. Much less.

That's the price you pay for freedom. Little pay, LOTS of time. The reverse is also true, which is something I'm sure a vast majority of people can relate to.

Capitalism is so much fun, isn't it?

Those that are out of college and live with a parent may also be able to relate to what comes next.

The relationship between my mother and I has always had its strained moments, to put it mildly. We are very different people. We have different life experiences, we cope with stress differently. There is a running joke on social media that living with your parents after college/as an adult has the financial advantages, but at the cost of your mental health—and that is very much the reality of our situation.

My biggest insecurity in recent years—since the sudden passing of my father in 2018—has been the feeling of being a burden.

I've never been a healthy person. We always joke that I got all the sickly genetics and my brother got all the cosmic bad luck. I'm autistic. I have anxiety and depression. I have an autoimmune disease. I inherited the genetic heart condition that killed my father. I had a blood clot 2 years ago. I no longer have health insurance. None of this is uncommon, certainly. But I avoid healthcare entirely unless it's an absolute necessity (like the blood clot).

I limit my eating, so we don't have to buy groceries as often.

But my mother has always had a temper, especially when she's stressed. And with the business so up-in-the-air and the constant worry of having to close our doors and find new jobs in a VERY small town + in a society with very limited options, spam job listings, and bogus opportunities, she is almost ALWAYS stressed these days.

She takes it out on me. I'm the only one here.

My feelings of being a burden are all but confirmed for me in those moments. She knows just what to say to hurt me most (whether she realizes it or not, she uses my insecurities against me), and my mental and emotional health worsen, as does the relationship between my mother and I.

I play games or draw or write to feel happy. To have some reprieve from reality.

But "it doesn't make money" and therefore it's a waste of time.

And that brings me to where I am now.

I may make next-to-nothing by launching a Patreon, but it will still be more than the next-to-nothing I make now as well as the LITERAL nothing I will be making if the business is forced to close.

I continue to job hunt on a daily basis, mostly for remote work given my middle-of-nowhere location (if anyone knows of any legit positions I could look into PLEASE let me know—send me a PM, reply to this post, anything). But this will both motivate me to keep doing the things that make me happy and also provide a tiny bit of support to our financial situation.

I have also been in a long distance relationship going on 9 years now. Long distance as in nearly 9,000 miles and an entire ocean away. I try to visit every year, but obviously during Covid that was not an option (totally and completely understandable), and with our finances so precarious, it gets more and more difficult to see my now (as of my visit last year) fiance.

If I can manage to get the money together, we plan to elope during my visit this year. But our future is undeniably going to be difficult without money. Moving isn't cheap. Immigrating isn't easy.

But that's all on the back-burner for now, while we address the more immediate concerns.

I am motivated to do what I can to make ANY extra money while looking for a legitimate job to provide a more stable situation.

Any support—a reblog, a share, a pledge/subscription, a job listing suggestion, ANYTHING will be MASSIVELY appreciated.

I know life is difficult for pretty much everyone on the planet right now. If we could all help each other easily, we would. But I understand that that's not an easy ask for most people at this point in time. I hate having to resort to monetizing my passions, and asking people for support (not pressuring, but even asking is hard in the current state of the world).

But I see few other options.

If you made it this far, thank you for reading my rant and please reblog/share <3

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cheryyori · 2 years

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NIGHTMARE EYES PT. 1

pairing(s): steven grant/fem!oc for this part mainly (platonic dane/fem!oc, mentions of dane/sersi, eternals reference mentioned)

summary: Sunny Lee is adjusting to living in London, and a fearful encounter with a ghost leads her to hiding out at the British Museum on her way home from work.

warning(s): mental health illness, possible inaccurate depictions of DID (I tried my best to research tho in spare time, also based on events in the show), horror elements, gore/blood elements

author's note: ok so here my fic idea, but it's bare bones bc I haven't been in the best mood to write this down properly but I wanted to share this idea with everyone else. It's very messy so sorry about that. Probs some gaps in between but I'll fill it in a more edited version.

Other than that enjoy this word vomit bullet point for my fic idea.

Red italicized is Izanami either speaking or in Sunny's head & italicized is speaking in Korean

NEXT》

5 years. 5 years had passed since the Snap. Half of the entire population of the Earth disappeared. And only 1 year since the Avengers correct that.

5 years, yet it felt like 5 seconds to her. She remembers being in her room. Her brother had just turned 18 last she saw him. He'll be 24 in less than 2 months from now. She was supposed to be 34 but Sunny Lee still sees herself as 28, it was the age she last remembered her to be prior to the Snap.

The Blip returned the missing other billions of people on Earth, but there was still the aftermath to deal with. People lost their jobs, homes, their livelihood from the past 5 years. Sunny was fortunate enough that her parents still lived in the same house she disappeared in before explains to her what happened.

And with her return, a voice screeched so loudly in her head.

"Thank goodness, that you're back! Ungrateful that the other gods from the other pantheons did nothing to restore the balance of life and death?! Absolutely wretched--"

"Shut up."

Ok that was a bad idea to say that to a goddess, but her head was spinning. Thankfully the voice didn't say any more, she assumed that the goddess knew that her mind was still processing things..

What did her parents and siblings mean that 5 years has passed? It was still 2018 right? Right?!

Unfortunately it was not, its now 2024, a year passed since then and now Sunny is living in London. A new work opportunity arrived through her old college friend Dane. Said that there was a teaching position open to teach kids about palentology, her second love next to photography and painting. Blame Jurassic Park for that.

She took it, not like she had any other options since her old job unofficially let her go within the last 5 years she was gone. Great.

So here she was.

"Ugh. What a day." Another day of teaching. She didn't mind though, the kids were nice and they were interested in today's topic.

"Rough day with the kids?" Dane asked. The two were off and were walking down the road to the bus.

"When is it not? I love the kids but sometimes they're a bit to rowdy for me. Maybe I should switch to teaching college student like you."

"Well you know me, children make me nervous."

"So I've heard many times before," she scoffed. A sudden silence fell among them before she spoke again, "anyways how are you holding up? You know with Sersi and, erm, well...."

Though she wouldn't have believed herself unless she saw it (and she did while the 3 of them were walking home from work when some creature attacked them, and she thought she had it bad with the ghosts, she also admitted to Dane that she sees ghost, he took it oddly well), but Dane girlfriend was apparently an alien wizard? Well maybe not a wizard (but her tricks sure damn make her seem like one) but an alien for sure.

She had apparently been taken back by...whatever that thing was that took her. And apparently Dane hadn't been doing to well. How could she blame him, they were the sickly epitome of the "honeymoon phase" it was obvious he was devastated he couldn't do anything.

"My best...as best I can really," lately Dane had been distant. Their usually nightly talks on the phone were cut short along with their Tuesday night karaoke and drinks which had all ceased together. Sunny thinks it's because of what happened with Sersi so she didn't push.

"Ok. Ok," she nods, she didn't want to say anymore. Or at least nothing he haven't heard before. She can relate to what it's like to lose someone. Although Sersi wasn't dead, not to their knowledge at least (they're hopeful that she still alive, but maybe imprisoned of sorts with the other remaining Eternals that were on Earth).

"Well what about you, last we talked, you were complaining about being a bit lonely."

"Oh let it go. I was going through a sad episode after watching my dramas," she groaned as the atmosphere around them lightened a bit.

"Perhaps it's time to go on a date, you know use those silly old dating apps instead of letting the voice in your head lead you to the catacombs" oh pass! No way she'll do that.

"Yeah no, I don't think so...." she mutters.

"Fine well then at least try to meet new people, I'm worried that I'm the only friend you have." Ouch. Harsh but true.

"You are the only friend I have."

"See!" "Don't see me! You know exactly why you're my only friend! You think people can accept the notion of someone seeing ghosts so easily like you?!"

The two continued bickering until a cab pulled up before them.

"Are you sure you don't want me to see you home?" Dane asked, "You know I wouldn't mind."

"I'm fine, I've been doing this since I've gotten here, plus I doubt the God in my head would let me die from some petty mugging," she told him, pushing him into the cab first, insisting that she'll just take the next one.

Dane seemed apprehensive, but relented after threatening her to text him as soon as the next cab arrived and once she was home (or if any trouble happens, thought it went unsaid).

Once he was gone, she stood in place, waiting for the next cab. She was alone with her thoughts, oddly it was peaceful not to hear the goddess' voice every second and to also not be forced to help a very deadly ghost pass onto the next life.

She notices the headlights of a cab come close and raises her hand to hail it over when she took notice of a woman just a few feet away from her.

Huh. How come she didn't notice the woman before? The cab was nearing close, and usually Sunny would let the woman go first, but she's tired and also clearly exhausted. Plus it was late and she was here first.

"Excuse me, I hate to be like this but I was hear first," she said slowly, the woman turned her head. Odd, why would anyone be wearing sunglasses at night?

An odd chill ran down her spine as she shifted in her place uncomfortably. I mean, the woman did see her waiting for the cab first right?

"I mean...you did see me standing here first right?" She voiced her thoughts out. There was a short silence before the woman replied.

"I didnt..." the woman's hand reached toward her glasses before pulling it off, "I can't see."

She lets out a yelp before using one hand to cover her mouth. In place of where the woman's eyes were supposed to be, were instead two bloodied, gouged out holes. HOLY FUCKINF SHIT!! She wants to cry, she's gonna fucking cry!

She took a step back as the ghost had her hands out, trying to find where Sunny was.

She stared at the ghost, slowly inching more and more away until her feet accidentally knocked some trash over, gaining the ghost attention and grabbed her arm, making her jump.

A scream left her lips as she tore her arm away from the ghost and fell backwards. Forget the damn cab! She need to gtfo of here now!

Without a second thought she got back up (stumbling a bit) and turned back to run, God knows where though.

Tbh maybe should should have thought this through as she ran down the streets with a blind ghost slowly following behind but the fear when the ghost had grabbed her made her lose all rationale honestly

While Sunny was running away in panic, a certain Goddess watching, shaking her head.

"Hm, its always the scary ones she attracts hm?" The goddess mumbles before following after.

Tbh she had been running for a bit now and she could still hear the ghost trailing slowly behind. Maybe she needed a place to hide while the ghost passes.

Sure, but where the fuck is she gonna hide at?? She glanced across the street and saw the British Museum. She quickly makes her way to the front to see it was still open despite it being so late. Great, hiding spot found!

She didn't waste time as she slipped through the door, crouching behind a pillar close to the entrance. She waited as she saw the ghost across the street. A few moments of lingering before the ghost disappeared into a different direction. Oh thank god--

"Hello?" She lets out a scream as she turned to see a man with dark curls and very tired brown eyes.

The man jumps at her scream, dropping the two boxes he was carrying in his hands and was trying to calm her down, "Oh god, I'm so sorry I shouldn't have snuck up on you like that! I'm such a bloody knob!" He apologized. Sunny calmed herself, taking a deep breath and placed one hand on the pillar she was leaning on and the other one her hips.

"Oh God, no, I-um-" she took another deep breath before turning to him. Oh shit, its her cute neighbor! And here she was looking like a mess in front of him, so much for making a good first conversation with him.

"Um, it's fine, sorry," she said again, "I was...erm I was just hiding out for a bit, you know?" She shrugged not really trying to give out anymore info than needed.

"Oh? Like from some shoddy ex or something like that?" He guessed. Oh great, a perfect lie to bounce off of now! Thank you cute neighbor!

"Yeah, something like that," she lied. You know like a liar. She cleared her throat before standing up straight, "Again, I'm sorry for screaming like that, I was kinda pumped full of adrenaline from running to find a hiding spot."

"Oh no, it's quite alright, I should be the one to apologize, I don't know why I thought it'd be smart of me to sneak up on a very pretty woman like you, you just seemed familiar for a moment that's all," he said, rambling over his words.

What? She blinked, taking in his words before saying: "You think I'm pretty????" The way his eyed grew comically large would have made her laugh if it weren't for the fact she's still a bit on edge from the ghostly encounter she had (and maybe slightly stunned from his comment).

"O-oh well, I mean yes, but-oh bullocks, I mean I'm sure you've probably heard this before from others, yeah?" He stutters, a big flush on his cheeks. She blinks.

"You're cute, bus boy," she says. Well at least they both made a fool out of themselves in front of each other.

"Sorry?" He blinks this time.

"Um, well we're neighbors, kinda, we also take the same bus every morning, sometimes you sleep on my shoulders when you sit down next to me." And you're cute but she doesn't say it out loud this time.

Hearing this his face becomes even more red upon hearing this. "Oh bloody-! No wonder you look familiar, I'm terribly sorry about that, I didn't mean to fall asleep on you--"

"Its fine, you looked like you needed it so I didn't bother waking you up usually," she answered with a smile.

She glanced at the fallen box filled with assortment of items, paperweight, plushies, and some other trinkets, "Oh god I'm sorry, here let me help you!"

"No, no, it's fine-" he tried to stop her but she's already reaching down to pick everything up for him, and picked up one of the boxes, "Its fine, it was my fault to begin with, me sneakin' up on you."

"Its alright, it's the least I could do for making you drop everything, I did look kinda suspicious hiding over here."

"Maybe just a bit," Ooh, he's a little sassy one huh. She lets out a soft chuckle.

"Sorry," she says, still holding the box in hand before realizing, "O-oh uh, where would you like me to put these at?" she asks. He blinks as if he in deep thought before she spoke to him.

"Oh yes, right! Well if you're going to be stubborn about it," he led her back to the gift shop where he was planning on restocking before the end of his shift. He stumbles overs his words as he introduced himself. Steven Grant. Steven with a V, he added.

Cute, she thinks.

She followed him where he told her that he worked at the museum's gift shop.

"Really meet any interesting people that stop by?" She asked.

"Not really," he shrugged, "Usually, just the normal tourists and students from school trips, but even then they don't seem as interested in most of the exhibits," he sighs, placing one box on the front table. She did the same with the box in her hands and noticed how Egyptian theme was their main seller.

"Cute," she mutters as she picked up a hippo plushie, playing with its arms. Steven smiles as she handed the plush to him.

"Not exactly accurate if you ask me, yeah?" He says, "This is supposed to be the goddess Taweret. She represents motherhood and childbirth, there's myths of her having a violent nature hence why shes usually depicted as a hippo," Steven explains before moving onto the plushie of Anbuis. Sunny smiled and nodded as he went off an Egyptian tangent.

She was impressed and genuinely intrigued, he was like walking Egyptian Wikipedia. The way his eyes lit up as he talked about Egypt was endearing, it made him more lively. Thinking on this, she found it odd if he knew so much on ancient Egyptian civilization and culture.

"Why are you a gift shopist if you know so much about Egypt?" She couldn't help but ask, "I'm sorry but wouldn't you be best suited as maybe one of the tour guides instead?" Once she saw him visibly deflate she felt her heart clench.

"Unfortunately no one's interested in me being a tour guide, too bloody useless as my boss always says," SAYS WHO?!

"Wae?! Who said that huh?! I dont think you're useless Steven, maybe a little dorky but definitely not useless," she said, "If you ask me, I think you'd make a great tour guide!"

He was startled by the sudden Korean, but his eyes lit up at what he did understand, cheeks now pink, "You think so?"

"Of course, anyone who take one look at you when you talk about Egypt would know how knowledgeable you are," she said.

Steven smiles at her, eyes bright and wide. She felt her heart burst at how absolutely stunning he looks.

"I'm sorry I realize we've been talking for a bit but I haven't gotten your name," he said.

"Oh. Oh! Right, I'm Sunny," he give her a look, "It's not actually my name, its a nickname since people tend to mispronounce my name often," she added.

Sunny, cute nickname, he thinks.

"Yeah, I can relate with others not getting your name right too," he mutters. Remembering how his coworkers barely remember to get his name right. Before he could say anything else, a loud voice interrupted two.

Apparently it was his boss, a short blonde woman that kept chewing on some gum. Sunny frowned as she berated Steven. How could anyone be mean to someone so cute like him? He was a precious puppy.

She's gonna protect this puppy now.

His boss continued to chew him out for bothering the guest. He makes himself look small, a stark contrast to how he looked just minutes earlier as she continued to berate and call him useless.

She didn't like that at all.

"Actually, I'm just waiting for Steven to finish up soon, we have plans to grab some late night tea and snacks before heading back home," Sunny said. The woman looks up at her, eyeing her up and down.

"Stevie, I didn't think you'd had it in you," his boss said, "Or any friends for that matter." Tf does that supposed to mean?! He's a literal cutie pie!

She sees the look he has, exhausted. Exasperated even, with a tinge of hurt in his eyes at her last comment. An absolute bitch.

Confrontation wasn't something she was found of, she liked to stay in her lane and minded her own business. Her eyes glance back over at Steven and she stand ups straight.

She could tell that the blonde woman was relishing in Steven's nervousness as he looked down at his feet.

Yeah, she really doesn't like that at all.

"Well, I can assure Steven is much more capable than you think, Miss..." She glanced down at her name tag, "...Donna..." she says with a tight lipped smile, "Quite dependable, really, unlike some who people I've seen so far," Steven face flushed under Sunny's comment.

"In fact Steven here was also telling me some interesting facts about the mueseum, I was disappointed to hear that he wasn't a tour guide here, I'm sure the children I teach would have loved him," she said, "Suppose I'll have to find some other museum that seems to have more competent workers that don't berate other employees for helping out their patrons. Oh what a shame," she says, feigning a look of disappointment on her face.

The way Donna puffs her cheeks, Steven couldn't help but stare in awe. Bloody fantastic she was. Sunny smiled as she could tell the woman was trying to think of a remark but left, not before yelling at Steven to go back to work.

Once she was gone, Steven took a deep breath before turning back to her, "That was bloody brilliant," he says, "I can't believe you just did that," a short laugh escapes from his lips, "You don't know how many times I've wanted to tell her off," he said.

"Neither did I, not really a fan of confrontation but I couldn't stand there and let her put you down like that," Sunny said. He felt himself in a daze, wondering how he ended up here.

He was having a bad day, he woke up late and missed the bus (barely making it to work but was still chewed out by Donna). He had to deal with irritable customers for the whole day and he was going to restock the gift shop before leaving when he stumbled into Sunny and now here he was.

"You really didn't have to wait for me, dear," Steven said as he restocked the display front.

"It's fine, I get to hide out here as well so it's a win-win for me," she replied.

"From your ex, right?" He asked, "Well they must be a right twit for bothering you to this extent?"

"Uh yeah, the ex..." she nodded, looking away from him. Definitely not the ghost she was trying to hide from. Tbh she rather be faced with a pushy ex than this, at least she could punch them in face for bothering her. Ghosts not so much...

Once Steven was done with his shift, the two left the museum (although Sunny took a moment to gaze around the area before moving, not taking another chance to encounter another ghost) they made their way towards a korean food truck. She ordered him some kimbap (veggie, rice, seaweed roll) since he had mentioned that he was vegan.

Steven was nervous, he's never has anyone to walk home with. Especially a very pretty woman. One that's also his neighbor as well. He held the, oh what did she call it? Kimbap? In one hand as she explained what it was made of to him.

He felt his heart squeeze as she took into note that he was vegan (despite that it was just a simple offhand comment). He's never tried Korean food before, so he was ecstatic to try it out.

They sat down by a fountain, eating their food. It was fucking delicious.

"Oh wow, never tried korean cuisine before," he took a bit of his kimbap. Her eyes lit up as she leaned close to him.

"Oh you should come over to my place, I can cook some for you if you'd like!" She suggested, eating some of her dumplings. He thought he was gonna choke. He coughed as she reached over and patted his back.

"Oh my god, are you alright, Steven?!" He took a moment before telling her that he was fine.

"J-just startled that's all," he says. His face was burning now. After they ate, they headed back home, once they neared the front of their apartment.

After that night, the two seemed to continued to talk to one another, walking to the bus stop and meeting each other for lunch.

Dane gave her an earful when he found out what happened but it quickly turned to teasing as he found out how she fancies her neighbor.

"Is that him?" Dane pointed out one day as the two were walking out of the classroom to see Steven nervously standing by the entrance, clutching his messenger bag, "He definitely your type," he nods.

"What's that supposed to mean?!" She elbows him before making her way towards Steven, "Steven, what are you doing here?" She asked. He smiles before noticing Dane. He felt his chest tighten and frowns slightly. Jealousy was a disease they say. Although Steven doesn't really want to admit such a thing.

"I had an early shift today and I thought of visiting you," he said, "Even bought some lunch for you as well," he added.

She felt her heart swell. Why was he such a cute and sweet guy? Dane cleared his throat, gaining both of their attention, "Oh, right! Steven this is Dane. Dane, Steven," she introduced. The two men stare one another, staring each other down before Steven smiles.

"Cheers, mate," he said, "I don't think she's mentioned you before."

Dane looks at her and grins. She's gonna kill him.

"Oof, this is how you treat your best friend?" Dane feigned hurt, "Well, she's mentions you often," Dane teases, "Something about the cute gift shopist that likes to eat her homemade kimbap."

She smacks Dane before turning to Steven, telling him to ignore her before she leads him away, "Have fun, remember to stay safe! And don't do anything I wouldn't do!" Dane calls out.

Yeah she's definitely gonna kill him.

So, Sunny's sure she has a huge crush on Steven. I mean who wouldn't? Hes a sweet and charming man with the most kindest eyes. And Steven had definitely fancied Sunny ever since he saw her moved in and the time he saw her talking on the phone when she stepped onto the lift (he would die before he'd admit that to her). But ofc the two were nervous to make any moves on each other.

Steven decided to wait until she was done with her job before they walked home. Truthfully he knew she was teacher, but he didn't know she working here. He was in awe at some of the displays and artworks. Once they had lunch, he sat in the back of the classroom when the students returned.

And goodness did he gush as she interacted with the children. He felt his cheek hurt at how much he was smiling as she knelt down and use two toy dinosaurs for her presentation. The way childen giggled and laugh at her quips and how eager they all looked.

Ok maybe, yeah. Maybe it might be more than a crush for him (again he'll die before he admits it out loud to her or anyone else for that matter).

Once done for the day, they left. They talked on the bus ride, mostly Steven asking her more about her job.

Sunny obliges and tells him how she originally was a photographer for an art exhibit before working her (she leave out the details of her being blipped tho) and had doubled majored in photography and palentology.

Steven thought the combination was odd until she told him she was loved Jurassic Park with the brightest gleam in her eyes.

Cute. He makes a note to watch Jurassic Park to talk to her about it at a later date.

They soon arrived at the front of their apartment complex. As they walked near the entrance, Sunny noticed something in the corner of her eyes.

She jumps as she saw Izanami standing across the street. The goddess stared at her, dressed in a black stylish dress and held a black umbrella in one had and wilted white lilies in in other. What the fuck, always the one for dramatic huh?! Why couldn't she just leave her alone?!

Seeing this Steven placed a hand on her shoulders. "Are you alright, love?" He asked.

"Uh, y-yeah, let's go in, it's starting to become a bit chilly," she said, taking his hand and headed inside, taking the elevator to their floor.

Steven berated himself for acting like a stupid school boy with a crush as she held his hand. Feeling flustered and his hands becoming clammy.

She hastily pushed Steven inside first before taking a quick glance back to see the goddess gone. A soft sigh left her lips before she heard a voice.

"Make haste, dear, the spirits are growing restless tonight."

SHUT UP Sunny thinks as she lead Steven to the lift.

Steven doesn't say it but he noticed the shift in her posture suddenly. She's jittery and her hands are shaking. He wonders if she saw something that spooked her.

She leans and press the button to their floor, when she hears it.

"3rd floor please..." "Oh sure," she mutters to herself. "Who are you talking to, love?" Steven asks.

Sunny blinks. She looks back at him before glancing over her shoulders quickly and she sees it.

The head of a pale, ghastly woman hanging from the top of the lift. She feels her legs about to give out and grips Steven's shoulder from falling.

"Oh dear, are you alright?" "Y-yup just peachy!" She stuttered and leaned against the wall next to the buttons, hastily pressing on the open doors button.

"Are you sure you're quite alright? You're looking quite pale now! Are you feeling sick?"

"I think I just need some air, don't worry much about it, look see where here!" As soon as the door open she stumbled out and took a deep breath.

Steven doesn't say anything but he's concerned for her and helps her to her flat with his arms wrapped securely around her, "Are you sure you're quite alright, do you need me to call someone to take care of you? I would offer to stay but I don't want to overstep if it makes you uncomfortable," he added.

She was about to reply when the lights in hall started flickering. Steven looks up frowning, "Bloody hell, there's always something wrong with these damned lights. I should call it in for the landlord tonight."

Sunny knows it wasn't some faulty electricity or wiring going on, she glance behind him and saw another ghost. This one more gruesome than the one she saw in the lift.

She did her best not to throw up at the sight.

It stood tall, its neck longated and twisted. Warts and puss all around with two dark holes where she assume it's eyes were supposed to be.

She stumbles back against the door, staring at the creature. Steven asks her again what's wrong and notices her staring behind him. He tried to glance but she heard a voice to stop him.

"If he glances at the creature, it'll follow him."

"No wait!" She grasp his head to look at her instead. Faces close to each other. She feels her cheeks heat up as she stares into his eyes then at his lips. He does the same thing.

Before long she pulled him closer for a kiss, it wasn't long but she hoped it was enough for the spirit to disappear from them. He took a second to process her lips on his before slowly kissing back. The kiss was awkward, a simple peck on the lips before she felt him press his lips harder against her. It was oddly cute how he tried his best. Had it been anyone else she'd stop and cringe. After a few seconds, she pulled away and glanced behind him again.

The spirit was gone for now. She lets out a sigh and placed her head on his chest before it suddenly hits her.

Oh god.

OH MY GOD!

She stares back at Steven who seemed just as shocked as she was. He was in a daze, blinking every so seconds to fully process what had happened.

"Oh," she squeaks, pulling away from him as she covers her lips with her hands. What the fuck. She can't believe she did that.

"I..." he opens his mouth, but Sunny doesn't want to hear him, scared that he might have regretted it.

"Bye!" She opens the door to her flat and slams the door in his face before he could say any more. She leaned against the door and slid down to sit on the floor of her flat, face red and in hand from embarrassment.

"What the fuck," she gasps softly, "Why? Why did I do that?! Oh God, he's never gonna want to talk to me again!"

Meanwhile, Steven stood outside dumbly. He blinked and he was suddenly home, he glanced around and felt his eyes grow heavy and tired. He didn't want to sleep just yet, he want to go up to her door and ask her if she felt the same. Maybe take her out on a date.

Steven blacks out.

ONE WEEK LATER

Sunny sighed as she sat in her room. It's been a week since she kissed Steven that night. No calls, texts, and anything. She hadn't seen him either. She knew she shouldn't have done that and shut the door on him out of panic. Maybe at least talk to him to apologize for that part, and tell him to forget it if he didn't have any feels for her outside of platonic ones. God she's an absolute idiot.

She would have thought he was ignoring her but she hadn't seen him all week, even his bitchy boss said Steven hadn't been in. So where was he?

Apart of her was worried something has happened to him. God forbid that was the case.

She was deep in thought when she heard the door knock. Sighing, she stood up and opened the door. She was startled to see Steven at the door.

His posture too. Steven was always hunched over to a degree, keeping his head down and arms fidiling with the sleeve of his shirt. Now he was standing straight and more loose compared to before. He even looked taller despite how they were close in height.

"Steven? Oh my god, are you alright? Where were you? I haven't seen you all week!" Before she could ask him anymore, he placed his hands on her cheeks. She stopped, taking in his appearance.

Instead of his usual wide and soft eyes they looked different. Hard, sharp, narrowed and almost wild--feral even.

She blinks, "S..Steven?"

This kiss was hard, filled with fire and passion. He lightly nipped and sucked on her bottom lips. Definitely more experienced than the first one. Shivers ran down her back as one hand went down to the small of her back and pulled her closer, as if scared that she would disappear from his grasp.

He stared at her, thumbs brushing against her cheeks as if taking in this moment before he leaned in and pressed his lips against hers, unlike that night she kissed him -- soft lips pressed together and nervous teeth clattering together -- that kiss was inexperienced and gentle.

This was different.

When he pulled away, he panted heavily as he press his forehead against hers. Her cheeks were flushed as he pressed her body against his, she didn't realize it before but Steven was surprisingly muscular. Oh god how didn't she notice that before until now?!

"...can I take you on a date?" He says softly, but his voice was low and deeper than usual, and she thinks his accent is slightly different than his usually posh Brit one. She thinks it's because of the lack of air from the kiss just now and doesn't think much on it.

No thoughts, head empty from the kiss.

"Hm?!" She squeaks at his response. He lets out a low chuckle and pecks her lips.

Was that a fucking smirk? Since when did Steven know how to smirk???

Her mind was swirling as she tried to process what had happened. But it's fried.

He ran one hand down her back and rested it on her hip, "A date," he says, "Can I take you out on one? This Friday, I heard there's a good steakhouse," he added.

"....okay."

"I, uh," she blinked once more, "but aren't you vegan?" She asked.

He chuckles again. "Yeah, but I wanted to give you a good time," he said with such ease. Like he knew she would ask him that, "Don't worry about me, I can just order some salad for myself."

He smiled softly, this time. Resembling more of how she remembers him as, but it was off somehow, "Great." He kissed her lips once again, "I'll text you the details, night," he added before leaving.

Sunny blinks.

So she guesses she has a date this Friday now.

#moon knight x oc #moon knight fanfic #moon knight x reader #moon knight #steven grant x oc #steven grant x reader #marc spector x oc #marc spector x reader #jake lockley x oc #jake lockely x reader #nightmare eyes au

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qumiiiquinnquin · 8 months

Text

i only noticed last week that i start shaking at the thought of having to talk to others

i always knew my social anxiety was bad. but i only started to notice in recent years ((especially after shutdowns in 2020)) that i almost cant talk to people - literally anyone - at all

it wasnt so bad when i was little. i could kind of socialize with kids my age. id mostly be the one to engage first because i wanted to make friends. sometimes i did it with no problems. other times i was pretty anxious when doing so. i worried a lot how others would think of me and what they would say to me or others. but i was mostly by myself and preferred it that way, even if i did get lonely at times. and if other kids engaged with me, i became very anxious and quiet, and would say very little. there was a kid at a park i went to several years ago in colorado and he came up to talk to me while i was on the swing. i felt bad because i wanted to talk, but i was pretty anxious most of the conversation. i only started to open up more near the end before he had to go

i actually had a much easier time talking to teachers throughout preschool (and daycare) up to some point in high school than talking to any of my peers

i know i always had trouble ordering food at places. i always became too nervous and was almost never loud enough for them to hear me. i shut down easily when i have to repeat myself (something im trying to work on) so relatives had to order for me. my stepdad was really understanding throughout my childhood and would always help me order when we would go to subway. family here is much less inclined to help and doesn't like it at all when i lock up when i have to order. it annoys them, and ive been told repeatedly to speak up and to get over my fear

the last place we went to, i almost immediately whipped out my phone to type out my order after i was initially responded with "what?" because she couldn't hear me, but my family was there and i know they would've gotten upset. pissed, probably. likely wouldve had my phone snatched from me. i always try to speak up so they can hear me and i have to just say what i want without thinking about it to avoid clamming up. but i still am shaking and my face turns red because of embarrassment

especially since shutdowns though, talking to people feels impossible. i dont talk to anyone except friends, but even then we run out of things to say and we sit there in silence. school makes you socialize with others a lot, but id almost never speak unless it was a requirement and the teacher would know when someone wasn't speaking, or if i felt too pressured to speak. most times i would either observe or dissociate. ive only gone out twice to shop for myself since shutdowns; one of the times i stuttered extremely bad and came very close to crying out of embarrassment right there at checkout, the other i could barely bring myself to talk and managed to only get half of a "thank you" out (it sounded like an annoyed mumble when i wasnt annoyed at all. i still feel bad about that)

ive turned around from any place that i start to go to, like food places, because im too anxious to go in and especially terrified out of my mind to make an order. im glad my sibling has become more understanding, they've been asking what i want and then ordering it for me while i pay (i feel bad to be very honest). its with my sibling that i have more confidence, but im still too scared to say anything

and this anxiety is carrying over to how i interact with people on social media! i used to not be so afraid to talk to people. but in the past bit over a year replying to any responses i get has become daunting. ive had to stop talking to friends for several days because im busy or mental health shit, but coming back and sending them anything back immediately feels scary, even if i know them well and they know me well. and i end up making the last time we talked extend to several more days. sometimes weeks... sometimes...months. im not trying to ghost people. and i do not like that sending a message back to anyone makes me shake uncontrollably and sweat like i just ran a 10k at full speed without stopping (idfk)

its bothering me lots especially now in college. social interaction is required for certain assignments and participation. but all i can do is sit there, shaking, heart pounding, unable to talk to anybody. we are all adults there, so we are expected to act as such. my extreme social anxiety doesn't fly there and ill likely be told one day that im acting like a child or i need to get used to talking to people or something to that effect

idk how to end this off

#vent #im actually shaking while typing out this whole thing #to be honest i may just go with my plan of starting to write down my orders before i go places and show them when they take our orders #my social anxiety is one of the many reasons why i do not think im cut out for college and why i dont plan on getting a job soon #i wish i could just 'get over' my social anxiety. i wish i could talk to others especially when i need to #idk how. and its not as easy as just telling me to 'get over it.' that actually does nothing but kind of hurt...#long post

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pinknightsinmymind · 2 years

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【 pride, love, and joy : chapter seven 】

nanami x reader

wc: 5k

masterlist link: here

summary: The [L/N] family is reeling after the news about Yumi. The house is quiet. Everyone's in a blur. It takes a couple of days, but Mrs. [L/N] asks [Y/N] to visit the market with her. She agrees and during her trip she runs into a certain Mr. Nanami.

note: mexico was called new spain until 1821 when mexico gained independence from spain and this story takes place between 1819-1820; keep in mind that parts of the west in US during this time were a part of mexico (or new spain as it's called during this time period)

a/n: hey so it's a been a while since i've updated lol. tbh i've been having a hard time with my mental health and i had lost motivation for a while alongside with having a bad writers block. but! i think i'm back and hopefully i'll be able to update on time again! i hope you enjoy this chapter. i was having doubts about my writing and where the story was going but now i feel like i've solved that! pls enjoy this chapter! :)

← chapter six + chapter eight →

[Y/N] was angry at Mr. Gojo when she had first found out what he did, sure, but not like this. This was pure rage she felt flowing through her body. Yumi? Her own sister? Mr. Gojo ran out on an engagement with her to only end up marrying within the same family? But why? It didn’t make any sense. She had never noticed any romantic tension between the two before, so where did it come from? How long had they been in love? But wasn’t Yumi supposed to still be in France? Why would she do this?

“How?” [Y/N] asked. She was doing her best to keep her composure.

“Based on what Mr. Gojo told me, his son asked Yumi to come home from France early to elope. She arrived a few days before Mr. Gojo ran off, and was in Scotland by the time he did.”

“But Yumi wouldn’t do something like that,” Mrs. [L/N] protested. “She’s a good girl. She wouldn’t blemish the family name like this. She knows she can’t get married until [Y/N] does. She’s not even out in society yet!” Mrs. [L/N] was trembling. “She’s the scholar of the family, the level-headed one. She wouldn’t do anything like this.”

“Yet she did,” Nobara said, suddenly breaking her silence. “This was so… contrived of her.” Nobara shook her head immensely. “She knew that [Y/N] and Mr. Gojo were set to be engaged and even congratulated her for it.”

“None of it makes sense,” [Y/N] muttered. “None of it does.” Mr. Gojo running away, Kento and Mr. Suguru knew nothing, the fact Yumi came home early from France just for this. Yes, Yumi would never do something like this…Unless she knew something they didn’t. [Y/N] didn’t know what it was, but there was a bigger picture none of them were seeing. There had to be a reason for all this madness. [Y/N] was angry at all the lies, but she wasn’t so blinded she became a fool. Yumi wasn’t stupid, either. She was the scholar of the family. “She wouldn’t dishevel her honor or blemish the family name like this unless she had her reasons,” [Y/N] said.

“What could possibly be the reason for this?” Nobara asked. “You’re allowed to be angry, you know.”

“Oh, I am angry,” [Y/N] said, “but there has to be something more to this. No one knew anything and Mr. Gojo just suddenly runs off and gets married? I’m not a fool. They’re hiding something.” [Y/N] didn’t know what it was, but she vowed to herself she’d find out one way or another. She rose from the seat she had been lounging in, grabbed her book, and left for her room.

+ + +

A dark cloud unlike any other fell over their home after Mr. [L/N] broke the news. No one knew what to say or think. Nobara spent more time with her sister than usual, doing her best to comfort her and keep her mind off things. Despite her efforts, she knew none of it would be enough. She could see the gears turning in [Y/N]’s head, the dark clouds brewing over her. Her sister had, essentially, stolen a potential husband from her. Any woman would have been seeing red at this point, and although [Y/N] was angry, she was more puzzled than anything. Her sister was too smart to be stupid enough to ruin her image like this. She filtered through everything she knew about Yumi. Quiet, calculated, smart, articulate, heavily involved in her schooling. Which begged the question. Did she abandon her studies to marry Mr. Gojo? That seemed too out of character for her, and the only way to get answers would be through questioning her, but [Y/N] could feel she wasn’t ready for that. She also wasn’t ready to speak to Mr. Gojo either.

Had they betrayed her, truly? Two people she loved and trusted more than anything? It seems they had, and although she could feel the dark tendrils of anger pulling at her, she didn’t want to give in. [Y/N]’s thoughts were interrupted by the sound of knocking at her door.

“Come in!” [Y/N] responded. The door opened and Nobara revealed herself at the front door.

“I’m headed to the stable to take care of Bernard. Do you want to come along? For… fresh air?” she asked. Nobara wasn’t one to show it, but she just wanted to help her sister feel better. In her eyes, how could you possibly recover after finding out your sister stole your fiancé?

“I’ll join you,” [Y/N] answered. She rose from her bed and joined Nobara at her door before shutting it behind her. She followed her sister quietly through the mahogany colored walls and out the home’s back doors. A cool breeze flowed through the air and cooled [Y/N]’s face and drifted through Nobara’s short hair. [Y/N] never thought long hair suited her sister, so when she finally cut it to this length she felt like her sister really came into herself. It was like she became her—Nobara.

“I’m bathing him today,” she explained. “And combing his hair. You can watch, or help if you’d like.”

“I’ll help with what I can.” The barn was empty except for the four horses the family owned: the three mainly used for the carriages and the one that Nobara cared for. He was more like a pet than a domesticated animal used for human convenience. The smell of hay and a slight hint of feces wafted through the air, but this was a barn and it was to be expected. The wood structure was old and bleached from the sun, but it was still a sturdy building. The horses stood silently in their stalls except for the occasional neigh or huff of breath, but Bernard especially peaked up when he saw Nobara. He began prancing in his stall and loudly neighing. When she and Nobara reached his stall he calmed as soon as Nobara opened the stall door. Nobara reached out to the animal and pet his mane gently. Bernard seemed to lean into her touch and even closed his eyes as she did so.

“I gathered the water before I came to your room. We’ll start with bathing him.” Nobara grabbed the bucket settled in the back of the room and handed [Y/N] one of the brushes. She could smell the lye soap on the brush as she rubbed it gently on the horse’s body. Nobara took one side and she took the other; they worked quietly for a while as they thoroughly cleansed the horse. Bernard smelled like, well, a horse. The soap wouldn’t entirely rid him of the stench of a farm animal, but it would help.

“Why do you like horses so much?” [Y/N] asked.

“Do you read the paper?” Nobara asked in return.

“Of course I do.” What kind of question was that? Everyone did.

“Well, have you read the stories about New Spain?”

“I can’t say I have.” [Y/N] dipped the brush in the soapy water before returning it to Bernard’s body.

“In New Spain it’s nothing but open territory towards the West. It belongs to Spain, but lots of men from America have been settling there. I’ve heard they’re called cowboys because they herd cattle and manage ranches. I think it’d be fascinating to be one.”

“I see.” [Y/N] had never heard of these “cowboys” before, and she had never heard her sister talk about them before. “And this is why you care for Bernard?”

“Yes, and because being in a stable is better than being stuck in the home all day as a lady. I don’t like the idea of being the lady of the house; I just want to be a woman as I am.”

“It is tiring, isn’t it? To be a woman with a set fate?”

“Extremely.” Nobara sighed. “But since Yumi married well, and you might be soon, maybe I won’t have to.”

“A free woman,” [Y/N] remarked. “What a life that would be.”

“It’s the kind of life I want. What about you? What do you want?”

“I don’t know.” Once [Y/N] finished scrubbing she grabbed the scooper inside the bucket and poured it onto Bernard’s body.

“What about your engagement with Mr. Nanami? Don’t you want that?”

“I don’t know. I feel so… lost. First I was to be engaged with Mr. Gojo, then Yumi marries him, and now I’m engaged to Kento—”

“Kento?” Nobara asked in shock. “That’s new.”

“—Mr. Nanami,” [Y/N] corrected nervously, “who seems to want this engagement, but I don’t know what I want.”

“Do you not like him?”

“Yes, well, no. It’s complicated.”

“But why? He likes you and you like him, so why must it be hard?” Nobara asked. She rolled her eyes and shook her head while pouring more water on Bernard. “I swear. You ladies make things so difficult.”

“Because what if I really do love him? That’s terrifying, don’t you think? To actually feel an emotion as real as that after preparing yourself for a fake marriage all your life?”

“It’s only scary if you make it. Like the dark,” she offered. “Really, I think you make it too complicated.”

“If you say so.” [Y/N] grabbed the towel Nobara handed her and began to dry the side of Bernard’s body she had previously washed. “This is calming. I see why you do it all the time.”

“See? As of right now I can only bathe and groom him, but I’ve asked Mr. Lawrence to teach me how to clean and change horseshoes later. You should come around her more often. We can gossip more.”

“I like gossiping with you.”

“Speaking of,” Nobara said, “do you want to talk about it?”

[Y/N] sighed. “I’ll have to eventually, won’t I?” Once she finished drying Bernard’s back leg she straightened up and let out a sigh. “I think something’s not right.”

“I agree,” Nobara said. “It’s strange. Mother and Father always prided themselves on how much of a genius she is, but this isn’t very genius at all.”

“As much as I’m angry, go easy on her. I’m sure she has her reasons.”

“Are you serious, [Y/N]? You can’t possibly be graceful in a situation like this. Any other woman would have her head by now.”

“I think there’s more to this than we can see. Why else would either of them do something like this? They’re hiding something.”

“Say you’re right. Does that make what she did okay?” Nobara grabbed a dry brush and began combing through Bernard’s mane, slowly and gently.

“If the reason is good enough, then perhaps. I don’t want to lose my sister or someone who was one of my close friends.”

“Too optimistic.”

“I’ll figure it out one way or another,” [Y/N] confidently. “Just you wait and see.”

“Well, when you do, come and tell me.”

+ + +

A few days had passed quietly at the manor just like the sun’s passing that ushered in the morning. [Y/N] woke up to the sound of knocking on her door, and soon the creaking as her mother opened it regardless. She hid her face under the blankets and pillows. She didn’t want to get up or face anyone. She just wanted to stay here.

“[Y/N], wake up, please. I’m going out to the market today. Would you like to join me?”

“No, I’m staying in,” [Y/N] grumbled. Mrs. [L/N] huffed before pulling the sheets off her daughter’s body.

“Stop moping around. Now get dressed, we’re going out.” [Y/N] groaned as she heard the rustling of her mother’s skirts while she left the room. She didn’t even close the door, [Y/N] realized. It seemed to be intentional because seconds later, Catherine, a girl close to her age entered the room to help her dress. Both women were more silent than usual, but it had been a while since [Y/N] had seen her around. They’d known each other for years.

“Catherine, it’s been so long since I’ve seen you,” [Y/N] said to her. The girl smiled and nodded.

“Well, you’ve been on some adventures yourself,” she remarked. [Y/N] swiftly put on her pantalettes as Catherine got her stays ready for wear. [Y/N] turned around as Catherine assisted in pulling the stay over her body as her fingers swiftly got to work in tying the strings. Soon after [Y/N] pulled the petticoat over her body, ensuring the two straps rested gently on her shoulders. The gown pulled over her head was a pale yellow, and the pelisse was white with blue trimmings.

“I have, but what of yours?”

“Well, I'm a recently married woman.”

“Catherine!” [Y/N] cheered. “That’s wonderful! You should’ve told me sooner! Congratulations.”

“Thank you.” Catherine took a step back and examined her lady’s dress. All seemed well, and the material fit her snugly. “I think you’re ready. Your reticule and bonnet are in the dining room.”

“Thank you, Catherine. Next time I see you, tell me all about your husband.”

“And you tell me all about yours,” she retorted. [Y/N] felt a little flustered at her response, but said nothing. She left her room and looked for her mother only to find her waiting at the front door. She surely wasn’t wasting any time.

“Come, I have a long day ahead.”

“What are your plans?” [Y/N] asked. It was sunny as soon as the two of them stepped outside, the temperature just right as the sun beamed overhead.

“I need to buy new sewing materials, linens, and maybe I’ll visit Mr. Price’s bakery today.”

“Mother, they make the best pastries. We have to go.”

“I’ll consider it.” Her mother let out a sigh, and [Y/N] couldn’t help but wonder how the news about Yumi was weighing on her. Was she sad? Disappointed? Angry? She couldn’t tell, and she didn’t want to ask.

“That’s enough for me.” The two of them walked past the growing grass as they made it to the nearest walking path. If it were a few degrees warmer it would have been too hot to walk, and the two women were thankful it wasn’t. While thinking of Yumi, [Y/N] realized that meant she was the new lady of the Gojo household. Being the lady of a household seemed like a tiring thing, and nothing like anything that Yumi would ever sign up for. [Y/N] didn’t feel it was a lesser thing to be and respected woman who did so, but she always felt like it was something that her sister never wanted anything to do with. Her mother was the lady of the [L/N] household, and if she married Kento, she’d be the lady of the Nanami-Itadori household. Was that something she could see herself doing? Running the house, entertaining guests, coordinating meals, and being a wife. Is that what she wanted? To be Mrs. Nanami? Kento was a good man, she knew that now, and being his wife couldn’t possibly be a bad thing. In fact, it sounded quite… pleasant.

“Mother,” [Y/N] said amidst the silent walk, “what’s it like being the lady of the house? Do you find it difficult? Do you hate it?”

“Why do you ask?” she responded. “Do you want to be the lady of the Nanami house?”

“That’s not why I’m asking,” [Y/N] said quickly. “Please, just answer my questions.”

“Well, it’s work of its own kind. I take care of my children, run the house, make sure everything is held together, I manage your father and I’s image, I entertain guests, ensure my children are wed when the time is right. That’s my duty.”

“And Father? How is he part of your duty?”

“I love him. I get to run this house with him and have a beautiful family. It’s what I always wanted.”

“But Father and your’s marriage was arranged.”

“Yes, it was, but I always loved your father. From the moment I first saw him. I never thought I’d actually marry him, though. I suppose God was on my side.”

“I see.”

“If you’re asking because you want to know what to expect, there’s nothing wrong with that. I had a similar conversation with my mother when I was your age. I know there is something between you and Mr. Nanami, but you seem afraid. He doesn’t, though. I know a man who has dived head first when I see one. Don’t let a good man like that go.”

[Y/N] mulled over her words. She did feel a certain kind of affection for Kento, not one that she was eager to identify, but one she knew was there. Thinking of him, saying his name, thinking of his neatly styled hair, the way his shoulders relax while drinking his morning tea; it all made her heart palpitate. She couldn’t deny she felt something for the man. She knew she did. Here she was, calling him Kento every five minutes, thinking of him constantly. It was a startling fact, but she knew it was true. She was enamored with him, terribly fond of him.

“How do I know if this is what I really want?” she asked. That was the question at the heart of all her fears. What if she made a mistake? What if she chose wrong and she regretted her decisions after?

“What would you do if you didn’t have it?” A simple question, with an even simpler anwer.

If she didn’t have Kento, she’d regret it for the rest of her life. She’d regret not exploring the possibilities more than if she ventured forward and found she didn’t want him after all. It seemed to her, then, that pursuing him was the only way to know with certainty what she wanted.

+ + +

[Y/N] and Mrs. [L/N] trip to the market had been smooth. They gathered the food her mother wanted cooked for dinner for the remainder of the week and pastries from Mr. Price. The only thing her mother had yet to buy was the fabric and thread for embroidery. It was her mother’s favorite hobby, and it seemed she had saved the best for last. The sun was in the middle of the sky by this time and had elevated the temperature somewhat, but not too much.

The windows of the linen shop reflected the bright sun and from the outside she could see it was mostly empty except for Mr. Owens and his wife. The couple had owned the shop for years after Mr. Owens had inherited it from his parents. Although the shop sold linens and supplies for sewing and embroidery, it also doubled as the tailorshop his parents founded. The counters were made of sleek wood and held all the fabrics and thread you could possibly want in any color. This is what made the Owens’ shop the best in town. While her mother entered the shop and greeted the owners, a new jewelry shop down the street caught [Y/N]’s attention. It must have just opened, [Y/N] thought. She was curious and unwilling to wait for her mother to finish shopping, so she thought she’d venture on her own.

“I’ll be visiting the new jewelry shop across the street. Come find me when you’re done,” [Y/N] said before wandering off. [Y/N] made it across the street and had barely opened the door when she heard the muttering of multitple voices. Some were hushed, some louder than others, but they were speaking fervently.

“I feel bad for the poor girl,” a woman said. “She’s going to be corrupted by the devil.”

“The devil? Mrs. Marguire, how could you say something like that?”

“How could I not say the truth? That poor girl is marrying into a faithless family.” [Y/N] stood still as she held the door. They may not have heard it open, but she didn’t want to alert them just yet of her presence.

“Some thoughts are better kept in your mind,” the woman advised.

“Nonsense. God gave me a mouth, didn’t he? Regardless, the [L/N] family is already in ruins. I heard their second oldest eloped.”

The woman gasped. “The oldest hasn’t married yet, she’s only engaged.”

“Yes, to a man whose father hated the church. It’s a shame. I hope she doesn’t end up like his family.”

“I have to admit, they got what they deserved. Faithless fools are all the same.” [Y/N]’s blood began to boil. Not only had they been gossiping about her sister, but about her engagement to Kento as well. How could they say such cruel things about him losing his family then present their face to society as if they were innocent? [Y/N] swung the door open loudly and walked in the shop. The two women looked shocked to see her face and glanced at one another.

“How could you say something like that about a man who lost his family? How cruel can you be? You call yourself people of God yet show no sympathy for others. You can call me and my family improper if you’d like, but don’t say such disrespectful things about the dead.” Any desires [Y/N] had to browse through the jewelry now were gone and she exited the shop quickly. The door closed loudly behind her, but she couldn’t move. She only stared at the ground, the broken pieces of cobblestone and the weeds that broke through the stone. Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the door behind her opening. When she turned around she felt her heart jump into her throat. Kento was the one who exited the shop, and they now stood face-to-face with each other.

“Kento,” she said suddenly. He nodded silently, the look in his eyes so heavy and empty. “You’ve come to the market today, I see. What did you come to the jewelry shop for?”

“To see if they could repair an old watch of mine,” he said simply. He glanced around the market. A person or two milled around, but it wasn’t exactly crowded today. “Would you like to take a walk with me?” he asked.

“Of course.”

The two began walking side by side in silence. She knew Kento heard everything, but she didn’t know what to say. The walk went on for a few minutes until they passed the butcher shop and the streets were absolutely empty. It was then that [Y/N] heard Kento take a deep breath and sigh.

“I heard everything.”

“I know.”

“Thank you for defending my family like that.”

“It was the right thing to do,” [Y/N] said honestly. “How could they talk about people who have passed like that? It’s mannerless.”

“I’ll say,” he commented. “I had almost forgotten what it’s like to be my father’s son.”

“What do you mean?” [Y/N] asked.

“The stain of my father’s beliefs followed me everywhere, but after being taken in by Mr. Itadori they didn’t. It was almost as if everyone forgot, or if they didn’t, they kept it to themselves. I thought they had, though. This is the first time I’ve heard someone talk about me in public like this.”

“I’m so sorry you had to hear them say those things about you.”

“It’s just… even worse now,” he muttered. “Now you have to be dragged into it. You have to live with that stain now.”

“Don’t worry about that. People can say what they want, whatever they want, and it’ll never make a difference to me.”

“Do you mean that?” he asked quietly.

“I do. I mean it with every fiber of my being.”

“I feel a sense of,” he paused to find the word, “guilt for how they talked about you just now. You don’t deserve that.”

“I know, Kento, but those women will talk no matter what. I could be the picture of perfection and they’d gossip about me anyhow.”

“I suppose you’re right. I only wish I was more able to protect you from that, is all.”

“I don’t need protecting,” [Y/N] said confidently. “In a couple of weeks they’ll find a new topic to gossip about.”

“You’re really not bothered if people gossip about you because of me?”

“No, I’m not, because that’s how these women are. Gossiping is bonding for them, and it makes our world go round. So, no, I don’t care because it doesn’t matter. Once a new topic of discussion comes up they’ll forget all about us, so don’t worry.”

“I suppose you’re right.”

“I am right,” [Y/N] announced. “Moving along. Were they able to fix that watch of yours?”

“They were.” He let out a breath and [Y/N] watched as he began to toy with his hands. Was he nervous about something? Kento was never one to fidget regularly. He was always poised and rigid, and never fumbled. Something was weighing on his mind.

“Is something wrong?” [Y/N] asked.

“No, but I need to talk to you about something.”

“Well, let me hear it, then.”

“The thesis I’ve been working on has been going smoothly, and I’m nearly done with it, but a friend of mine in Ireland has presented me with an opportunity to finish it there.”

“I see,” [Y/N] muttered. “So you’ll be gone, then? For a while?”

“Yes.”

“And I won’t be able to see you for some time.”

“Yes,” he answered again. "I'll be gone for three months." The news saddened her. She had been becoming more accustomed to seeing Mr. Nanami, excited by the idea of his presence more and more. “But we can still write each other, can’t we?”

“Do you want to write me?”

“I do.”

“That wasn’t so hard to say now, was it? Very well. We can write to each other, but you must write me everyday.”

“Of course. Anything less would be blasphemous.”

“You catch on quick. I understand that your work is your pride and joy, so I’m not upset. I simply ask you let me read it one day.” [Y/N] looked up and watched as the clouds moved slowly in the sky, without a care in the world. “Is that all you wanted to talk to me about?”

“There is one other matter.”

“Such as?”

“Would you accept a gift from me?” he asked. [Y/N]’s head whipped around.

“A gift? What kind?” [Y/N] watched as Kento reached into the pocket of his blue jacket and pulled out a small, brown box. He stepped closer to her and opened it up for her to see. Seated elegantly on the soft padding was a beautiful necklace. There were white diamonds shaped like flowers that would wrap around the neck. A flower bud made of silver dangled from the necklace with pearls that rested on each petal except for the red jewel in the center. It was absolutely beautiful.

“What do you think?”

“This is… for me?”

“Yes, so think of it as a parting gift for now.”

“Kento, I couldn’t possibly accept this. How expensive was this?”

“Not important. You are going to accept it. It’s custom made.” He closed the box and placed it in her hands. “Whenever you wear it, think of me.”

“I’m—I don’t know what to say.”

“A ‘Thank you’ would suffice.”

“Thank you, Kento. I’ll treasure this greatly.”

“Did you come here with someone?”

“My mother.”

“I’ll walk you back, if you’d like.”

“I’d like that, thank you.” The two walked side by side in silence once more, but this time it seemed much more content than before. The two rounded a corner, and [Y/N] and Mr. Nanami unexpectedly came face to face with Mr. Suguru and Mr. Gojo. It was like all the oxygen had left her body.

“Miss [L/N],” Mr. Gojo said. He also seemed out of breath. Mr. Suguru stood there with a dumbfounded look on his face. Clearly none of them had expected to bump into one another.

“Mr. Gojo.” She stared at him, into those bewildered blue eyes. She wasn’t ready to talk to him. Not yet. She needed more time. “I-I cannot talk to you at the moment. Some other time.”

“[Y/N], please, if you’d listen to me,” Mr. Gojo said hurriedly, “it would all make sense.”

[Y/N] shook her head. “Not today. Another one, perhaps, but now is not the time.” She pushed past the two men and continued onwards to the Owens’ shop. Mr. Nanami trailed behind her without a word. He was just as startled to see the two men as she was. Mr. Gojo watched as two of his former friends walked past him, not even daring to look back. Could he blame them? No, he couldn’t, but it still stung him deep in his heart. He knew of Mr. Nanami’s engagement to Ms. [L/N], so he knew that’s why Mr. Nanami said nothing. Mr. Suguru rubbed Mr. Gojo’s back gently.

“It’s alright,” he said to him. “You’ll find another chance to explain.”

Outside the door of the Owens’ shop, [Y/N] and Mr. Nanami stood in shock.

“I hadn’t expected to see him,” Mr. Nanami said.

“Neither had I.” The door opened suddenly, and Mrs. [L/N] walked out happily with a smile on her face.

“Mr. Nanami,” she cheered. “I see you ran into my daughter.”

“I did. It was a pleasant surprise.”

Mrs. [L/N] smiled. “What’s that in your hands, dear? Did you find something at the jewelry shop?”

“I’m sure Miss [L/N] would be happy to show you once you get home.”

“Is that so?” Mrs. [L/N] asked, and it was so. As soon as the two women got home and [Y/N] showed her mother the necklace, the older woman couldn’t believe her eyes. It became all she talked about for the rest of the day. Even Nobara was in awe.

#jjk #jjk fanfic #jujutsu kaisen fanfic #jjk x you #jjk x reader #jjk x y/n #nanami kento #nanami kento x reader #nanami kento x y/n #nanami kento x you #nanami x y/n #nanami x reader #nanami angst #nanami fluff #jujutsu kaisen x you #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen x y/n #jujutsu nanami #jjk nanami

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the-kneesbees · 1 year

Text

☃️ read before following ☃️

howdy

welcome to my blog <3

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before you follow:

I’m a minor. adults can interact just don't be creepy <3

I will answer ask games if you send them, but I almost never send them to other people so keep that in mind.

same with tag games, I will do them but I don’t usually tag people, nothing personal

I’m really dry sometimes I promise I think you’re interesting I’m just bad at conversations <3

I try to use tone tags but sometimes I forget, lmk if you need clarification

^with that in mind, take everything I say as platonic and genuine unless stated otherwise (I will still clarify if you need it though)

ask me to trigger tag anything if I forget

I try to tag all rb bait but I don't usually reblog that stuff anyway. I tag reblog if posts as "reblog game" incase you don't want to see that

I won't reblog your donation post unless I know you personally, sorry

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about me:

I love art in all forms! please feel free to send me anything you create, I love to see it!

my main fandoms atm

-bbc merlin (literally the best show ever go watch it if you haven't yet)

-the outsiders (unfortunately)

-good omens

-stranger things

-It (Stephen King)

-what we do in the shadows

-red white and royal blue

-bears in trees (band)

Things I also like but am not super active in:

- the umbrella academy (one of my favorite shows I just don't really post about it)

-sk8 the infinity

-banana fish

-dead poets society

-the owl house

-the sandman

-our flag means death

-the goldfinch

- a league of their own

-young royals

-Buffy the vampire slayer

-the end of the fucking world

-i am not okay with this

plus some more that I may have forgotten

feel free to start a conversation with me about any of these things I’ll love you forever <3

I play clarinet in the school band, if you wanna talk band stuff, I'd love to :)

also my spotify is linked below if you wanna talk music (ilysm if you do)

my two favorite musical artists are bears in trees and noahfinnce I love them so much

I draw a lot and also occasionally write but I dont often post any of it on here. if you’d like to see any of my work just ask and maybe I’ll share some!

I complain a lot and also love talking about myself btw

if you want to use my ask box to vent, rant, infodump, or just chat, always feel free <3 I don't often have good advice but I'll always be here to listen :)

if you are going to vent to me though, please just let me know. I'll never say no I just need a heads up

spotify

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that’s all, ily mwah <3

(mental health resources)

having a bad day?

#pinned post #about me #etc #housekeeping #i finally did it y'all should be proud #post posting

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angstyaches · 1 year

Text

Raincheck

a.k.a. Asher’s just generally not having a good time.

CW: mentions of toxic relationship, general tension and drama and awkwardness, flashback mention of a breakup, gender dysphoria, bad self-talk and mental health. Unsatisfying ending.

But also doggo and cute/cringey fluff. And a bit of Asher/Connie backstory.

_______

Dear Asher,

Happy Valentine’s Day, handsome.

Love,

X X X X X X

P.S. Give Sparks a big ol’ hug from me.

Asher’s heart came crashing down through his ribs as he read the card in the front hallway. His eyes skated over the inky words without reading them the first time; the second time, they seared themselves into his brain like each letter was a zap of electricity.

“Shhhhhiiiiiittttttt,” he hissed under his breath during the third read. He wasn’t sure he’d ever drawn out a swear word like that before, and it still wasn’t strong enough to convey his horror.

Six kisses. Six letters of a name. For one single, ridiculous second, he let himself enjoy the possibility that it was from Jayden. In the next second, he felt physically sick with guilt. He knew exactly who it was from, and it was a disgusting disservice to them to even consider otherwise.

He imagined viewing himself from above; a silly, selfish boy who’d been so busy feeling sorry for himself that he had forgotten to maintain a yearly tradition that spanned more than a decade. It was mildly hilarious. Asher would watch that movie and laugh at himself.

On another level, though, the sick pang of uneasiness in his gut was developing into a much more serious ache, unravelling the appetite he had worked up during the second half of his shift.

“Oooh-woo!” Alice’s voice made him jump out of his stupor. He wouldn’t have just cursed if he’d known she was about to walk out of the kitchen; Alice hated swearing, and had no filter around chiding him for it, as though he was her own child.

She had clearly not heard him, but she had spied the red envelope and very obvious-looking card in his hand.

“Lucky you! Huh?”

He should have known better than to open his post in the front hallway. Alice had eyes like a hawk. Having recently lost her son to ‘emigration’ (he was doing remote work and travelling in New Zealand for a year; but Alice had a flair for the dramatic), Asher had the horrible feeling that she was using him to fill a gap in her life. She was always far too eager to insert herself into Asher’s life and wring any potential ‘gossip’ out of him.

Alice raised her eyebrows and gave an open-mouth smile, like she was feigning excitement for a toddler. Asher got the feeling she assumed this was the first time he’d ever gotten a Valentine… or maybe the first time he’d ever gotten a piece of post.

He shifted his weight from foot to foot as his stomach ache deepened. His despair and self-pity felt sharper by contrast with Alice’s patronising cheerfulness.

“Let me see the front?”

Asher swallowed. He lifted the card up for her, though he couldn’t think of a single person who actually cared what the outside of a card looked like.

“I love hanging with you. And it’s a sloth hanging from a branch. Lovely,” Alice gushed. “God, to be young! I cannot remember the last time I got a card from an admirer. Sure, I’m grateful if himself even remembers it’s Valentine’s Day to begin with.”

Asher smiled awkwardly at her, not quite sure what kind of reaction she’d been expecting.

“Speaking of which, he’s playing darts tonight.” Alice rolled her eyes. “So I’m going out with some of my friends – we’re doing Galentine’s. Nice dinner and a cocktail bar.”

“Cool.”

“So, you’re on your own for dinner tonight…” Alice eyed Asher’s card again. “Oh, unless your special someone is taking you out?”

At this, she winked and poked the card with one finger.

Asher cleared his throat and tried not to flinch at her persistence. If she ever got hold of the information that he was casually seeing someone – someone totally separate from the person who’d sent the card – he’d never hear the end of it. Therefore, Jayden’s name was never to be mentioned under this roof.

“This was just from a friend.” Asher swallowed again. “A good friend. We send each other anonymous cards every year…”

Except you forgot about her this year, didn’t you?

“They’re not – they’re not serious,” he added.

Oh, but they’re deadly serious. More serious than you and Jayden, for sure…

Asher’s stomach churned heavily, bringing the taste of the cheese sandwich he’d had for lunch back towards his mouth. He wanted to glower at himself, but didn’t want to seem like he was making a nasty face at his landlady.

He gestured towards the kitchen – specifically, the back door. “I-I should… go and let Sparks in.”

“Yes, you should! And I should go get ready.”

“Mmm. Have a nice night,” Asher half-heartedly smiled at Alice and squeezed past her. It didn’t feel in his nature to be so… performative, or fake, but this sickeningly guilt was draining him of any desire to keep up appearances.

___

“I-I-I just…”

Asher felt like he was going to throw up.

Part of him was still wondering if he could backtrack on this whole plan. He’d lived a lie for the first seventeen years of his life, denying who he really was just to make things easier for the people around him; would it really be so hard to keep up one little lie in order to keep from breaking someone’s heart?

She was sitting quietly, her face uncharacteristically stony beneath her new haircut. It was strange – wrong, even – to still be thinking of it as ‘new’, when her fringe was overgrown and invading her eyelids, and the ends were starting to split from rough-handed brushing.

Asher took a deep breath. And tried again.

___

He had expected to spend Valentine’s Day alone and feeling miserable, but not like this.

Jayden being too busy to make plans with him had been a cosy kind of disappointment. Maybe Asher had been expecting it. Or maybe after the disaster that was Halloween, he was actually a little relieved that they wouldn’t be spending Valentine’s Day together. Jayden was too noncommittal, and Asher had unrealistic expectations. It was far better for them to keep Valentine’s Day at arm’s length.

Either way, he had slipped into sadness and self-pity like it was an old, familiar hoodie whose sleeves were too long and whose hood obscured his vision.

But this guilt? This splash of reality that told him he was a terrible friend? This was a different beast. It was not like a hoodie at all. It was like a white-hot rock that he’d swallowed, and now it was burning a hole inside of him.

He was splayed on his bed while Sparks munched away at her dinner on the plastic sheets in the corner of his room. His fingers absently pressed against the soreness in the pit of his stomach while he studied the too-white whiteness of the ceiling.

Asher sat forward, picking up the card and envelope from the bed. He sat at the very edge of the mattress and studied them both again, as though they would somehow reveal what his next move should be.

Her attention snagged by Asher’s sudden movement, Sparks wandered over, licking around her mouth. She sniffed the edges of the card, like she thought there might be snacks hidden inside. She always had room for snacks.

Asher groaned under his breath. “What do I do, Sparks? You think she’s gonna be mad at me?”

Asher had to have been imagining the sad glisten in Sparks’ eyes as she turned her gaze up towards him; given that she was a dog and a) couldn’t read and b) had no understanding of the human concept of tradition, there was no way she knew what was going on.

She was probably just sad that there were no snacks inside the card.

Asher glanced at the last line again; P.S. Give Sparks a big ol’ hug from me.

“Oh,” Asher muttered, sliding own onto the floor. He put the card aside. “This is from her.”

Sparks sat still as Asher looped his arms around her, tucking his head against hers. He couldn’t help but feel he didn’t deserve the warmth of her fur, or the flicker of joy in his chest when her tail began to beat against the floor.

Why were human friendships so hard to maintain? He would have done so much better as a dog. Did Sparks even realise how easy she had it with the other dogs? The occasional chase in the park when their walks synced up, plus some good-natured sniffing, and bam. You had a friendship.

Asher sighed. “I fucked up.”

And sure, he could go out now, buy a card from the shitty selection that was still on the shelves at this hour on Valentine’s Day, send it, and blame the post office for processing it too slowly, but… Nah.

She would see through that. She’d pretend not to, but she would.

He could buy a card and hand-deliver it, but a last-second ditch felt cheap. And Connie’s love and nostalgia for snail-mail was half the fun, anyway.

Sparks thumped her tail a little harder against the ground. The house was old, built in a hurry, and the walls and floors had a distinctly hollow quality to them. The slapping of Sparks’ tail sent vibrations through the carpet, and made Asher’s guitar sing softly in its stand.

___

“I… see you,” he said.

She nodded. Her eyes were filling up with tears. She knew what was coming. She shifted on the couch, as though bracing herself for a physical blow.

___

Asher’s heart was thumping sporadically in his chest. He could feel it beating in the pit of his belly. He barely breathed while he waited for the video call to be answered on the other end. His phone was propped against his pillow and he was sitting halfway down his bed, hugging his guitar and willing it to give him emotional support.

Sparks had gotten distracted by the remains of her dinner, so she wasn’t any help.

The screen flickered into an image of a girl sitting on a bed, back resting against a wall of chipped blue paint. She had a curly bob of raspberry-red hair, damp as though she’d just come out of the shower. The look on her face was one of slight concern; as a fellow millennial, she was thrown by the arrival of a video call that hadn’t been preceded by a message reading, Are you free for a video call?

“Hey, is everything o–?”

“You’re beautiful,” Asher sang heartily, strumming his fingers over the strings of the guitar.

Though her expression didn’t shift, she snorted with laughter and covered the lower half of her face with her hand.

“You’re beautiful! You’re beautiful, it’s true.” Asher’s voice trembled as he veered towards a giggling fit.

Both hands were on her face now. “Oh, god, is this actually happening?”

“I saw your face… in a crowded place.”

“Asher O’Shaughnessy, I swear to God.”

“And I don’t know what to do.”

Connie slowly shook her head, resigned to her fate.

“Cause I forgot to send a card to… you.” It was too many syllables to fit the tune of the last line, but it was the best Asher could pull out of the bag at the last minute. He flashed a nervous smile and hoped that would make up for it.

Connie raised an eyebrow. “Okay, are you finished?”

Asher brushed the strings with a little flourish. “Yes. I’m finished. Happy Valentine’s Day.”

“You are too embarrassing for this earth.”

“I had to do something instead of…” Asher almost choked. At this point, maybe she’d just thought his card was delayed and would arrive tomorrow instead. “… A card. I kind of forgot to send you one.”

One side of her mouth twisted up into a dull smile. “But James Blunt? Really?”

“Some cliches are cliches for a reason. And you really are! Beautiful.”

She rolled her eyes at that, but put up a peace sign next to her face as though posing for a photograph.

“I am... so sorry, Connie. I completely forgot. When I got home and I saw –”

“Hey, shut up,” Connie complained defensively. She gave a little shrug. “I send you those cards because I wanted you to have them. Not because I expect anything back.”

“Well, I appreciated it, so...” Asher picked at the bedspread. The sick feeling in his stomach had ebbed while Connie had been teasing him and everything had felt light-hearted. Now he just felt silly for stressing so much about something that she was entirely chilled out about. “Um.”

“Wait, why are you talking to me tonight, anyway?” she asked. “Thought you had that… that guy, Jacob? Is he not taking you out?”

“Jayden.” Asher’s tongue went dry. Talking about Jayden with Connie felt like letting two entirely separate sides of his life overlap for a second. Sides that shouldn’t – couldn’t interact; though, for what reason, he couldn’t immediately pin down. His brain lagged, as though unsure of what language he was supposed to be speaking. “H-He’s just... he’s working on something for college tonight. I think…”

“Seriously? He didn’t account for hanging out with his boyfriend on V. Day?” Connie had propped her phone against something too, to free up her hands. She was unscrewing the cap from a pot of moisturiser. “Does that not piss you off?”

“Well, that’s the thing, he’s not... he’s not exactly my boyfriend.”

“Okay, well, that ridiculous bullcrap aside...” Connie waved her hand dismissively before rubbing moisturiser onto her face. “You’re friends who boink. It’s international boinking night, and you’re not hanging out with the person who’s guaranteed to boink you, Asher. Don’t you think you deserve a boinking?”

“Can you stop saying ‘boink’?”

“Sure. What do you prefer? Getting jiggy?” Connie raised her eyebrows. “The dance with no pants?”

“None of those,” Asher laughed.

“Alright, alright. You know, I’m… I’m not rattling any headboards with anyone tonight either.”

“Ah.” Asher once again found himself not knowing what sort of reaction he should be having to someone else’s love life. He knew Connie had been reluctant to start dating since she’d come out, but she’d always been pretty private about that kind of thing.

“So I can… probably bribe my flatmate into driving me to the train station.”

Oh. Asher’s heart lifted.

“Is there anything good in the cinema right now? No, wait – bowling.” Connie inhaled dramatically, and Asher knew from the look on her face that she wasn’t asking. This was now a set-in-stone plan. “Oh, I am so in the mood to wipe the floor with you at bowling.”

Asher broke into a grin. He was looking down at his body from above again, shaking his head in disbelief at just how wrong he’d been. His and Connie’s friendship wasn’t dependent on routine and tit-for-tat. Those things were nice, sure, but at the end of the day, they were two humans stumbling through life and occasionally stumbling together.

Like dogs initiating a game of chase when their owners happened to be at the park at the same time.

“Yeah,” he said. “Okay. Bowling. Let’s do it.”

“And wear something nice,” Connie murmured. “I still can’t believe you wore your work clothes to my birthday. My friends all thought you were in a costume.”

“I - wait, they did? You never told me that.”

“Sorry.”

“I’ll change before I leave,” Asher reassured her.

Connie’s lips twisted into a crooked pout. “Don’t you dare change, Asher O’Shaughnessy. You’re brilliant as you are.”

His grin deepened.

“Your clothes, though. Change your clothes.”

“Yeah. Got it.”

“I’ll be off the train at… Hmm, I need to blow-dry my hair.” Connie peered at her phone screen, clearly swiping through numerous tabs. “I’ll probably be off the train at 7:35. I’ll message you if I’m delayed.”

“Cool, I’ll meet you at the station.”

“Cool beans. See you soon!” Connie put up another peace sign before reaching over to hang up.

Asher lugged himself from the bed and positioned his guitar on its stand again.

He put on one of his favourite t-shirts – it had a tie-dye effect; pastel pink on top, fading into mint-green on the bottom – and a pair of black jeans. He stood in front of his mirror and combed his hair; he’d only dyed it a week ago, so it was still a fairly vibrant shade of cobalt. He looked at his bare face for a good, solid minute, before turning towards his nightstand and fishing out his eyeliner pencil. He hadn’t worn makeup in months, or maybe longer. There were a lot of things he’d stopped doing since he’d started seeing Jayden.

For some reason, this train of thought made Asher’s stomach start to knot up again. He shook out his shoulders to try to relieve the tension.

A lot of things that were typically considered feminine had been triggering his dysphoria lately, but putting on makeup to meet Connie felt safe. No, not just safe; it felt exciting. It felt like reaching back in time and giving his poor, confused, sixteen-year-old self a big hug.

Connie deserved a hug like that, too, and god damn it, Asher was going to give her such a good one.

When he was ready, he gave Sparks a really long cuddle to say sorry for the few extra hours he’d be gone tonight. Brushing dog fur from his jeans, Asher headed downstairs.

___

“I see you, Connie.”

“I know you do.”

“B-but I also see… me.” Asher’s voice was shaking now. “I’m a guy. And I like guys. And you’re…”

As soon as he started to form that last sentence, Asher stopped himself, reeling with horror at his own arrogance. How dare he make her think it was her fault, just for existing as herself?

But she reached over and squeezed his hand, as though he were the one who needed support. As though he were the one being dumped.

“I know,” she whispered. “I know, Asher.”

___

“Shit,” he whispered to himself as he jogged into the train station. The bus had let him off too far down the road, and he’d gotten soaked in the rain. Water dripped down through his hair and onto the back of his neck. He very much hoped that unlike him, Connie had remembered to bring an umbrella.

He stood against a wall, trying not to be in anybody’s way, before he slipped his glasses off and attempted to wipe away rain droplets with his t-shirt.

His belly grumbled quietly under the din of passengers and announcements. The heavy, sloshy feeling was completely gone now, leaving behind a cavernous ache. All of the hunger that he’d pushed aside came slamming into him full-force. Connie would find him dripping-wet and starving, like a lost pup. No doubt she would notice the weight he’d lost since he’d last met up with her, but whether or not she would say anything about it was a fifty-fifty toss-up.

The diner at the bowling alley had the trashiest, greasiest cheesy fries ever, and Asher was finding it hard not to keep thinking about them. This was going to be an expensive evening, considering his original plan had consisted of frozen waffles and a can of off-brand cola, but this would still be cheaper than a date with Jayden would have been.

He was hit with the realisation that Jayden would have rather drop dead than go bowling, wear shoes that a stranger had worn previously, and eat cheap, greasy food. Asher started to doubt that he would take any pictures of himself and Connie for social media tonight.

He hated himself.

Enough time passed that he began to wonder if he’d missed her. Maybe her train had gotten in early, and she’d headed over to the bowling alley by herself. She could have already gotten them a lane and shoes. She knew his size.

He shivered from the damp in his clothes as he pulled out his phone.

Asher’s stomach dropped, twisting as it went down.

Connie:

Flatmate’s crying and throwing up. Gonna need a raincheck x

Through the haze of his disappointment, a panicked feeling rose in his throat. Was she lying? Had she tricked him? Had she made him come out here in the rain, with no intention of ever meeting him, to get back at him for the card thing?

Did he deserve the hollow stab of disappointment in his gut?

Heart pounding in his ears, Asher noticed he had one more new message. He flicked it open without really thinking about, his brain subconsciously seeking validation or comfort or serotonin in some form.

Jayden:

Got finished a little early. Come over for a bit?

#StW Asher #StW Connie #angst fic #Valentine's fic #Valentine's Day fic #stomach ache #stress stomach ache #OC stuff #OC fic #angst

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fussypaws · 1 year

Note

What do you find makes the best commissioner to work with? What are good things to do, and bad things to avoid, in your experience? (Feel free to criticize me if you want, I can take it!)

Oh good question!! This might be a little long winded but here it is. This is a list of basic commissioner etiquette, things to be aware of, good things to do and bad things to do! (My list may differ from other artists' list. Feel free to add on!)

Its pretty long so I'm putting it under the cut :)

If you're wanting to commission someone you are not already friendly with, it is recommended that you do not message them with a "hey" and nothing else. I personally do not mind this, but a lot of artists hate this. Tell them that you're looking to commission them in your first message/interaction with them.

Familiarize yourself with their TOS, and make sure you read it. Sometimes an artist's TOS can be a little long-winded, but it's worth reading as it pertains to you, what you should expect, and what you're getting so you won't be caught off guard. Also helps you avoid misunderstandings.

If you commission someone, that means you are agreeing to abide by their TOS. If you don't like their TOS, don't commission them.

(Unless you're commissioning someone you're friends with) You are NOT friends, this is a work relationship. If you are working with someone, it is inappropriate to attempt to foster a friendship with them after you have paid them to do a service to you. We are there to do a service and that is it. You may attempt to be friendly with them after you are done working with them, but understand that we are not obligated to be friends with you and/or that we are not already friends just because you commissioned a drawing from us. Its not personal.

Ask the artist if they are available to be commissioned before you start explaining your idea/what you want to commission.

If after you receive an estimate for your commission you realize you cannot or do not want to pay for it, tell the artist. Do not ghost them, this can result in you being blacklisted. Politely explain the situation but do not complain about prices.

Explain your idea simply and in pieces, paragraphs can be hard to understand. Its good to make bullet points almost. Have references on hand. Plenty of artists are okay with having "artistic/creative liberty" but present any details you have that you want included.

Leave whatever expectations you have about how long it should to take at the door. All artists work at different paces, some artists have a faster turnaround time than others. Do not go into it thinking "this should only take x amount of time". Ask them what their turnaround time is and use that as your timeframe. If you do not like their turnaround time, don't commission them just so you can complain it is taking too long or try to rush them. Just do not commission them if you don't like how long it is going to take. My turnaround time is typically around 2-3 months at most.

Some artists take deadlines, some don't. Some charge for deadlines (depending on what they are) and some don't. Just depends on the artist, you should always ask them what their policy on deadlines is before you commission them. I take deadlines but depending on when it is, you may have an added fee.

Ask for updates if you feel the need, but do so sparingly. You don't want to rush them or behave impatiently. Artists should definitely have communication with you and are usually willing to give updates when needed, but do not ask every other day. Asking for updates should be done with turnaround time in mind.

Understand that things may come up in an artist's life that may delay your commission, the artist should let you know when they are aware of this. This can range from IRL situations and emergencies, to mental health issues (includes art block and burnout). It is hard to work throughout issues like these as we are a one-man-show. Please be understanding and patient with us.

Red flag to note: An artist who constantly has no updates, poor communication, several other clients who are or have been in the same spot as you, and you've been waiting WAY past the original turnaround time then you might be getting scammed.

Not all artists give out refunds, or they may have specific rules for refunds. A common one is they will give you a full refund only if they haven't already started your commission, otherwise you only get part of a refund. I, personally, only give out refunds if *I* am the one cancelling the commission. Make sure you ask artists what their policies on refunds are and keep that in mind if you are going to commission them.

If you want something changed about your commission, tell them as soon as you know that you want something changed (the sketch phase is the best time for this). Some artists have specific policies on edits as well, sometimes they charge for edits and sometimes they don't. I do not charge for edits.

If you commissioned an artist awhile ago but decide you like their current style more than their old style, you are not entitled to have your commission redrawn or to receive new artwork just because you no longer like your commission or something. An artist may be willing to redraw your old commission if you pay for it though.

If you commissioned an artist awhile ago and they have since raised their prices but you cannot afford their new ones, that is just something you are going to have to live with. You are not entitled to a cheaper commission simply because you got one at a lower price sometime ago.

Understand that, under copyright law, you do not "own" your commission. All artists have basic copyright over their artwork from the get-go. Using commissioned artwork commercially (?) without a transfer of rights (has to be done via written contract (?)) is not illegal but it is unlawful. This means that if you are using your commission in a way that "violates" copyright law, an artist can press charges *if they want to* (?). Not all artists care about this stuff, some will let you use your commission however you please. Always ask before you use your commission to represent yourself or if you want to use it commercially, both to respect the artists' boundaries and to protect yourself. These laws are in place to protect artists and their work, it is not determined by the artists themselves so do not get mad at them about it. The characters in the drawing will still belong to you though, just the art belongs to them under copyright law.

Also please be aware that under copyright law, an artist is allowed to use their artwork for whatever they want (commercially, personally, ect) unless a transfer of rights takes place. Most artists will not do that stuff with commissioned artwork, we are aware that it may be stepping on our clients' toes, but be aware that the law allows us to if we do decide we want to.

A transfer of rights has to be done via written contract (i,e. signed by hand (although it might work if you have a digital copy of your signature)) (?) and some artists may only do it under specific terms (such as wanting royalties (?), one time payment, only allowing specific uses, ect).

Reposting artwork without the artist's conditions being met may result in the artist filing a DMCA to have your repost taken down. Just something to be aware of. I personally will do this in some cases, like if my artwork is reposted somewhere like E621 or without credit.

Obviously do not attempt to sell or "mint" your commission (like an NFT). This is a copyright violation, it will not go well for you. Also it is just an asshole thing to do. Also also, NFTs are cringe.

Don't ask for a commission unless you have the money to pay for it. If you are on a waiting list for a commission and end up spending the money you had saved to pay for the commission before it is time for the artist to accept your commission, let the artist know when you no longer have the money. It is really inconvenient to have my waiting list slots filled up for weeks by people who haven't had the money to pay for a commission for the majority of that time when I could have given those slots to people who had the money to pay me for a commission. Never ghost an artist if you do not have the money when the artist is ready for you to pay, just politely let them know. Ghosting could end in getting blacklisted.

Also, if you're a minor especially, do not pay for a commission with money that isn't yours (i.e. your parents' money) unless they know about it and are okay with it. Chargebacks suck.

If you're a minor, do not attempt to commission NSFW artwork from an artist. This is dangerous for us and our businesses, as well as it can be dangerous for you and just generally not something you should be involved in. Its also a betrayal of the artist's trust if you try to lie about your age or purposely weasel your way into NSFW art knowing the artist isn't chill with that (and if the artist IS chill with that, cease contact because they're being predatory and gross. Or underage, in that case you should not be enabling them to keep creating NSFW artwork and accepting NSFW commissions. It is unsafe for both of you.)

Some artists are not comfortable taking any commissions from minors, regardless of if it is SFW or NSFW. Please be aware of this before commissioning artwork as a minor. It is a little iffy for me, but I will take SFW commissions from minors.

I don't know if this is a common issue, but do not be weird about artists drawing NSFW art or offering NSFW commissions. In my experience, I have been sexualized for doing this because people find it sexually attractive or think it must make me "freaky" or something. This is my business, please respect that. Do not use my artwork as a way to try and flirt with me or be sexual towards me, it is very uncomfortable and inappropriate. This goes for all artists.

Note: I am not an expert on copyright law so please correct me if I have explained something incorrectly. Anything with an (?) is something I'm unsure about or don't know enough about.

#thank you for the question!! sorry this is so long #also you're a perfectly fine commissioner lem. nothing about the experience stands out as bad to me or anything #ask #lemm314 #commissioner etiquette #art commissions #commission #commissions #art #artist #long post #txt

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camerica · 1 year

Text

So, I wasn’t going to make one of these posts at all because I didn’t want any of my friends here to worry but this is a situational update for the near future.

So basically, I’m living in an incredibly toxic environment with an immediate family member and they are kicking me out soon to now and I have to figure out when exactly so I can make arrangements to find somewhere else with very little money and zero means to MAKE that move on my own. I don’t have a car, I don’t have the funds to buy a car, I have little creatures that depend on me.

I tolerated her toxic behavior towards me and me alone for a long time thinking that it was my fault and I deserved it and I believed her when she blamed me for everything. This recent argument was what woke me up and showed me I’m not the god awful human being she always made me out to be. She emotionally and mentally manipulated me for nearly eight years now and I realized I’ve actually grown out of her influence.

Which is why I think this all came to a head. So all this to say is that if I disappear for a while it is because I am moving and/or unable to get online because I have no place to go. I have family who I have reached out to that may be able to help and I will keep you all posted as events unfold.

If you have read this far, you don’t have to read farther this is just me venting about the ridiculous situation that lead to this post, but know that I love you and care about you and please keep yourself safe for me and hope for the best outcome for me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For seven or eight years I have lived with this person and during the first few I was used to living with my abusive mother. That ended because I told her it was illegal to open my mail and she physically assaulted me. I defended myself. My ‘sister’ came swooping in to save me and helped me unlearn all the anger and defensiveness our mother put in me. I learned about myself, mental health, and healthy discussion.

I was learning to be good.

Things were great, we had our bumps but we learned to grow past those. It was fantastic. We came to a place where we could talk about what went wrong and I ignored or didn’t want to think about the red flags. This was my big sister, the person I looked up to as a kid. She couldn’t possibly have flaws.

In recent years I became disillusioned with how ‘perfect’ she made herself to be and realized that her perfection was a front she showed people. She was damaged and nasty underneath in the way that was incredibly poisonous. I learned very quickly that my feelings were no longer valid, that I was always wrong for taking her words in the way she presented them. She was condescending, high and mighty, holier than thou.

And what I mean by that is, ‘you think that I’m wrong for not respecting your personal space? You’re such a child.’ I had to respond to her negativity the way she wanted, I had to give her attention the way she wanted, but when I asked for reciprocation and understanding I was wrong for asking.

Many conversations would simply end in the middle of my sentence because she was disinterested. She would pull her phone out and text other people, surf through her FB, anything to not engage in my half of the conversation after I just listened to her talk about things that I’m not particularly interested in but I would engage her regardless. Because it made her crappy day a little happier to talk about something she was passionate about.

She became our mother in childhood.

I learned not to talk about things that I like, I learned not to tell her how I felt or that I had a bad day at work, I learned not to be in her space unless she called me to her. This place never felt like home, I never felt like I could impart my sense of style into my own room because HER stuff was everywhere. She made sure I knew it. I felt it. It never bothered me until I woke up.

Every argument began to end with ‘pay me x to stay here or get out’. I would grovel because I didn’t think I had anywhere else to go. I didn’t have a car I could live in/use to get anywhere. I was using hers. She convinced me not to get one because the ‘payments would be so high’ for me. She convinced me not to go to college because ‘the debt would crush you and you wouldn’t make it but nice try’.

Money had never been an issue until then. She would use her money to pay bills, I would use it to get groceries and other necessities and pay for anything extra she or I wanted. She had always expected me to pay for her friend to come along when we would go eat or go to the movies and I was happy to because that was her best friend and of course I owed her and I wanted to go too.

When we would all hang out, I learned not to talk. She wouldn’t listen, she’d tune me out but her best friend would engage in conversation with me because she wouldn’t. And it made her best friend feel awkward because of it. But the moment her best friend would talk, my sister would hang on her every word and respond and keep the conversation going.

When we would go to the movies I would lean over and quietly talk to her about a scene or make a joke. She snapped at me to shut up or acted irritated I said anything. Her best friend would lean over and do the same and they’d laugh.

I began to feel more like her wallet than her sister. She invited me out because I had the portion of expendable income she could pull from and that was always our arrangement. I tried talking her into splitting the bills with me so we could both have some expendable but she said it was too much of a hassle to change the information on all of the sites she used to pay bills.

I agreed because what else could I do? She’s the boss. I couldn’t make decisions on my own, I was too nervous to. I deferred to her, let her make the final call. Any input I gave her, she shrugged it off ‘nah you don’t know what you’re talking about so we’ll do-’.

It came to the point where even when things were good, we weren’t fighting, I felt the need to placate her anger with me because I thought ‘well of course I did something wrong it’s always me right yes I’m the common denominator in all of my relationships gone bad romantic or otherwise so of course I did something, make up for it, do whatever she wants, buy her things to make her happy again that will fix it’. Nothing fixed it. She was getting more and more short tempered with me every month. I could never please her. She never wanted me around. She refused to engage me in conversation about anything but herself and her interests.

So I’ve had enough and I’m terrified to be on my own but honestly it’s what I need and what I want. I need to have safety and security, but more than that peace of mind. I need...freedom. But I will put myself through hell so that the furbabies I have stay in a safe place (for them) with a roof over their head and food in their bellies.

There are so many more things I could whine about but I’m all cried out and I need to continue packing what I have gathered from around the apartment so in case she decides to throw my stuff out on the front lawn, I’m at least partially ready lmao.

Stay safe, because I love you.

#this is incredibly personal #and might be triggering to some i'm not sure #but if you've gone through something similar god i'm sorry #i just needed to inform the people who will care to read this #just in case i suddenly vanish for a while #know that i love you and i am not abandoning you lmao #i will be back and on steady feet #and this is why i haven't been as active lately

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