#well actually im just searching my library. little bit of that little bit of this. little bit of btmh little bit of boz scaggs

[urprettylittlething]

In The Shadows

Purge Alternate Universe

Yandere - Gojo Satoru x Reader x Geto Suguru

A/N - Okayyyy I've been working on this for like a week and it's the longest I've ever written for one thing, I had a shoulder injury which is mostly healed up now during the week which hindered my progress a little because I originally really wanted this to get out nearer Halloween time, but oh well TT at least its here now right? Lmao, but I hope you guys enjoy it, I tried my best and lowkey kind of hate it, I wished I could've done more or something, but if you have any ideas around this for a possible part 2 let me knoww, although no promises ;) Consider this a massive thank you story, I now have over 100 followers and the likes and reblogs and comments, you guys, I'm crying, I love you all so much <333333 I love interacting with you guys and your comments on my stories or in my inbox <3333 you all make my day ilysm <3 :( AND IM SORRY I COULDNT HELP IT, they're kind of really mean so its more harsh yandere than the soft you all wanted :( I couldn't help myself its a purge AU TT, but I promise ill make something softer in the future <33 sorry this is so long omfg, but let me know your thoughts pretty please &lt;3 and if you actually read all of this ily

summary - Another purge night is here and you think your safe and sound, but let your guard down and you'll find yourself bound.

warnings - purge, mentions of 'off screen' murder, actual 'off screen' murder, kind of gore but reader doesn't see it, blood, rope, reader gets tied up, gags?, tape over readers mouth, they're actually kind of really mean lol, especially Geto, descriptions of panic, anxiety, overthinking, stalker situation kind of, swearing, crying, brief hair pulling, if there's any more let me know ml <3

genre - Oneshot

wc - 7.2k

~spelling and grammar fixed already~

Edit - the top photo 6/11/23

The tip tapping of fingers on keys echoed around the silent room. The occasional footfalls of people around her walking up and down. Picking up books to further aid their studying would slip past the music playing in her ears when they were loud enough.

Every time she would hear someone being a little too loud for the library they were in she would glance up and shoot a half-hearted glare their way.

They’d never see her but it was the thought that counted. A barely audible sigh escapes her as she brings a hand up to massage her cold fingertips into the throbbing skin at her temple. 

Nervous nibbling was occupying her teeth and lips, chewing away the flesh and creating tender spots her tongue would soon soothe. 

She’d been staring at the same empty document for two hours now. No more than two sentences she was able to come up with before she’d erase them in a fit of frustration.

Abandoned textbooks lay closed behind her laptop, she’d deemed them no use around thirty minutes in, but she couldn't bring herself to get up and search for better ones. 

She was antsy, not able to focus on her assignment due in a week's time. Her brain was all fogged up, too many thoughts going through her mind and yet she's not able to focus on a single one.

The purge was tonight. March 21st. And it was currently 1pm. 

Why did she even bother to come to the library in the first place? Was she hoping to distract herself even just a little bit before she had to hunker herself down in her dorm for twelve hours? 

Maybe. Yes.

Was it working? Absolutely not.

She was too skittish. Overthinking everything that had the potential of happening later and things that have previously happened. 

‘Someone's not going to come and try to kill me just because I forgot to return their pen that one time, right?’ 

The amusing, albeit a little dark, thought did make the corner of her lips twitch just the smallest amount. 

Taking off her headphones after stopping her music, she closes down her laptop and starts to move it into her bag. 

She spares a quick glance around the few tables next to hers as she stands with the library's books in her arms. Her eyes locked with a man sitting roughly two tables down. Slumped back in his seat.

Gojo Satoru. Bright white and fluffy hair paired with a set of dazzling blue eyes. The ones currently peeking over the tops of his round shades that had slid down his nose as he tucked his head down slightly. 

Sitting in front of him and abstracting her view of Gojo only slightly is who she assumed was Geto Suguru. Two peas in a pod and never seen without the other. The long black and silky strands of hair tied up in a half up bun was a giveaway to who he was as well.

Both of them were originally from Tokyo, Japan. Coming over to America over five years ago. Or at least that's what she’s heard from around the place, not knowing them personally. They were the most popular boys in school when she had joined a little over a year ago and they still held the title strong.

She doesn’t think she's ever really interacted with them. At Least not on any kind of personal level. Sure, maybe from a few friends of friends or passing each other in the hallway and being polite to her upperclassmen, but nothing all that memorable. 

Which is why this prolonged eye contact is sending a very noticeable shiver down her spine. The smallest twitch of a smirk on his face and she was breaking eye contact, gulping down the pooled saliva in her mouth as she turned around and hastily made her way in between the towering bookshelves.

Leaving the library after stacking the books she’d previously taken back on the shelves, she hastily makes her way down the long corridors. Keeping her head down, her hands clutched tight on the strap of her bag. She passes very few people in the hallway.

Even after pushing through the doors and trekking her way to the dorms at the end of the path, there were very few people loitering around outside. Some of the people she passed looked like they could be stoned, not that she could really blame them. Some looked a little too relaxed and happy and some were just trying to get to their destination as quickly as possible. Like her.

As the doors came into view, and then the stairs, she slowly began to relax, her fast pace lessening up. Successfully getting to the safest place she could for when the purge would start. 

It was also a massive relief that her two good friends would be staying with her during the twelve hours of horror. Last time she was by herself there had been multiple scares throughout the night. Nothing too big but something she didn’t think she could handle alone again. 

Reaching her door on the third floor she fiddles with her keys for a few seconds before her door clicks open and she pushes her way inside. Closing the door and locking it again for good measure. 

It was 1:43 pm.

A few minutes after she had arrived back at her dorm did she realize she still needed to pick up some food items. Being a broke student meant she had essentially nothing in her cupboards or her fridge. And if she was ‘hosting for the purge’ this year, it meant she had to stock up at least a little bit. 

‘Imagine trying to hide from a killer and your stomach growls, I think I would just die on the spot.’ She thinks, the smallest smile gracing her face. Humour is usually her way to cope in situations like these. It’s either that or panicking and she’d rather try to save that for the main event.

With a heavy sigh and hesitation weighing her limbs down, she slowly puts her shoes and jacket back on. She can make this quick. In and out. Easy peasy. 

With a quick jump while shaking her limbs out to get rid of her last minute hesitation, she quickly opens her door and steps out before shutting it behind her. No going back now. Locking the door behind her, she starts making her way back down the stairs and out the doors, walking in the direction of the food store. 

Her nerves were still playing up though, eyes darting this way and that as if trying to find a reason for her to panic. ‘It’s okay, the purge hasn’t started yet, all those things are still illegal.’ Is what she keeps telling herself while taking a deep breath. But the fact they won’t be in a few hours was still cause for some panic. 

Arriving at the store, she wizzes around, collecting any good looking snack and throwing it in her basket before hastily paying and leaving. The heavy plastic carrier bag hanging from her fingers gave her reason to think she went a bit overboard. 

Her quickened steps and accelerated breathing were all she could hear for a while. Her walk back to her dorm was supposed to be a quiet one, less and less people were loitering around meaning less and less noises to distract her. 

Especially from the new set of footsteps that have appeared behind her.

As soon as her mind clocked the extra set of footsteps there, it went into overdrive. ‘Who is that? Are they following me? No, you're being delusional, they're just trying to get back home. But are they? They just appeared out of nowhere. Are they going to try and kidnap me? Rape me? Stuff me in a van? Drag me down a dark alleyway and murder me?’

Her mind was racing, steps quickening and breathing silenced under the new threat. ‘Oh god, what if they’re stalking me? Waiting until the purge starts to come and slaughter me? They’re going to kill me. They’re going to kill me. What should I do? What should I do? What should I do?’

And then they were gone. 

It barely registered in her mind that the fast paced footsteps from behind her had vanished. A sharp breath escaped her before her head whipped around on a desperate whim. No one. Not a soul on the path behind her. 

Her shoulders sank with relief and a watery laugh broke free from her trembling lips. ‘I’m losing my mind.’ She thought. Even though that feeling in her gut had faded, it never fully disappeared. Her racing heart never slowed and neither did her footsteps. 

Y/n hurried back to her dorm, almost running through the doors and up the stairs to fumble with her keys and quickly burst in. Double checking she locked the door behind her, and then checking every other lock on her third story apartment. Only when she had made sure they were all secure could she finally relax. 

Her body shivering and hands shaking from the after effects of adrenaline. Her breathing is still a little shaky as she pulls a bunch of pillows and blankets into her tiny living room. Pushing her chair and sofa away to make more space as she lays everything out as neat as she could, making the floor a comfy space for her and her two friends to crash for the purge. 

She empties the snacks from out of the plastic bag and piles them in a nice little corner near the TV. A small stack of movies there for when they’re all waiting for the purge to start. Some cards in a pack were also placed there. 

The three of them are wanting to be as quiet as possible while the purge is going on. Everything locked, curtains drawn, lights off, TV with no volume and only subtitles, quiet games to play in case they got bored, etc. 

They weren’t taking any chances. It was doubtful anything would happen, since nothing really ever did in the dorms. No student here would go as far as murdering somebody, everyone mostly stayed inside, not wanting to risk anything. She only knew of a few people that have snuck out before to rob a few stores, or do some petty revenge like smashing someone's car without getting into trouble.

But overall, it was best to remain quiet. They didn’t want to get murdered because the TV was turned up too loudly and attracted some wrong attention. 

It was 5:15 pm.

This is the time her friends arrived. Knocking some made up code on the slab of wood before messaging just for good measure that it was really them outside. 

After unlocking the door and letting her two good friends inside her dorm she swiftly closes and locks it again. Relieved greetings transpire as well as nervous whispers about the purge and some small gossip of who they think would actually go out this year and who are likely to stay inside. 

The three of them start to make their way around her dorm, closing all the curtains and double checking the locks on all the windows and doors. Especially the balcony and front door. 

After they’ve secured the apartment, they turn off all the necessary lights, flicking on a few electrical lanterns and setting them up around the living room, but away from the windows. They’ve left one lantern in the bathroom and one in her bedroom, both turned off, just in case of emergencies.  

The three of them settle in a spread out pile on the blankets she put down in the living room. Some snacks are passed around already and a movie is slotted into the TV, playing as background noise mostly while they talk.

Erica, a sassy but kind of dumb girl, with choppy shoulder length hair that had been bleached and dyed a light green. She's donned in a crop top and sweatpants, comfy.

Don, a friendly giant, very kind in nature but also a little muscly. He has short black hair and a sculpted jawline. He also came in sweatpants and a baggy white T-shirt, also comfy.

Her two very good, and only, friends here. They’re in a few of her classes and all regularly hang out together. 

“So,” Erica begins after her mouthful of powdered donut. “Who do you think is going to actually purge tonight? Like, actually actually. My moneys on them two hotties in my class.” She finishes, wiggling her eyebrows..

Don hums around his half empty soda can. “Yeah, honestly I wouldn't be surprised if they did.”

Y/n pipes up, “Wait who?” sitting up against the sofa behind her, getting comfy like she's about to hear the gossip of a lifetime.

“Oh, Em, G! You haven’t heard of it? You’ve seriously been, like, living under a rock or something.” Erica says jokingly. Picking apart pieces of her donut and eating them. 

Don perks up too. “Really? You haven't?” Y/n shakes her head in denial as Don shrugs. “I get it, it’s mostly stayed in our class, hasn’t spread much further than that.” He says before crawling forward and rummaging around for more snacks.

“So get a load of this right!” Erica sits up too after finishing her donut. Waving her hands excitedly as she tells her latest gossip. “You know them two really hot upperclassmen right?” She draws out her ‘really’ and waits patiently at the end of her sentence for the other girl's confirmation. 

When she nods in slight confusion, Erica continues, “There were some major rumours in class that the two of them were late this one day because they were beating someone up. And I don't mean like a few slaps or hair pulling, I mean punches. You know?”

Y/n nods again, this time with furrowed brows and Erica continues, “At first, I didn’t believe it, obviously. But then, the two of them came into class and I swear there were blood stains on their clothes. Blood stains! Not to mention all the plasters and bandages all over their hands! I just had to believe it then! Wouldn’t you?”

After the end of her long rant she slumps back against the front of the sofa and mumbles incoherently to herself shaking her head while pouting.

Don, who had been listening silently, pipes up, “It was true, I was actually there for once.”

Y/n’s eyebrows raise in disbelief at what she had just heard. Fighting, here? She couldn’t help but to doubt it, if only just a little. Stuff like that has never happened here. Or at least while she had been here. It was just unheard of.

And for an attack so vicious to result in blood being drawn, then there must have been somewhat of a good reason for it. That was the conclusion she came to.

“I mean, there had to have been a good reason for it.” Y/n says, “They’re pretty nice people aren't they? It is Gojo and Geto were talking about here, right? They’re really popular here too.” Her eyes darted between her two friends, looking for more answers on this unexpected juicy gossip.

Erica sighs wistfully, “No, it got shut down pretty quick, which I guess is why so little people have heard about it. God, would I pay to see them fight though. Their muscles must have looked amazing.” 

They stop talking about it after that, Don getting distracted by the snacks and whining about how she didn’t get his favourite. Erica smacking him with a few pillows and complaining how he’s getting in the way of her movie she was barely even watching. 

Their playful banter did little to distract from her inner turmoil. A small shiver went down her spine again. The memory from earlier in the library resurfacing in her mind. Gojo staring her down, the creepy walk back from the shops and now learning the two had at the very least helped in injuring someone.

It could just be because it was purge day, but everything was beginning to creep her out and she was overthinking again. ‘What if he wants to attack me next? What if all of those things were connected and someone really was following me home? What if he wants to kill me? What if both of them want to kill me? Have I ever done anything to offend them? I haven’t, have I?’ She knew these were far fetched and ridiculous, but she couldn’t help but think of them anyway.

Her spiralling thoughts were halted when a stray pillow smacked her in the face. “Oops, haha, sorry.” Erica sheepishly apologized, bringing her hand up to smooth down Y/n’s ruffled hair. Don was laughing in the background.  

Y/n was stunned for a few seconds before replying, “Oh, don’t worry. How about we put something else on? This movie is kind of boring.” crawling across the piles of pillows and blankets to reach the stack of movies.

This caught the other two’s attention, eagerly rushing to the stack as well to try and get first pick. Arguing for a few more minutes before settling on a movie they all loved. Snuggling back into their original positions.

This was how the next few hours went before the announcement appeared.

It was 6:59 pm.

At exactly 7 on the dot, the TV went black before turning blue, the government announcing the commencement of the purge. Big bold letters and ‘Emergency Broadcast System’ and ‘This is not a test’ were displayed on the screen.

They were all quiet as it played out. The mood quickly turned sombre.

“Weapons of class 4 and lower have been authorized for use during the Purge. All other weapons are restricted.”

Don gulped.

“Government officials of ranking 10 have been granted immunity from the Purge and shall not be harmed.”

Erica huffed.

“Commencing at the siren, any and all crime, including murder, will be legal for 12 continuous hours.” 

Y/n shivered.

“Police, fire, and emergency medical services will be unavailable until tomorrow morning at 7 am when The Purge concludes.”

She released a shaky breath. The announcement ends with “...A nation reborn.” before stopping. The screen turned black again.

No one moves or says anything. Each of them were frozen in an array of emotions. Fear being the most prominent. 

The silence stretched on for minutes. Eerie in its wake, not even being able to hear other people in their dorm rooms like she normally would.

Eventually, after releasing another shaky breath and rearranging herself with trembling limbs, they all snap back into the present. 

Don coughs and Erica shuffles awkwardly. 

“Cards, anyone?” Y/n meekly speaks up. The other two nod as they sit in a small circle. 

It was 7:36 pm.

This was when the first explosion of some kind was heard by them. Each of them froze in the middle of playing their mostly silent game of cards. The noise was distant, but the impact remained.

A scream from a few doors down echoed in the silent space.

They waited with baited breath for any follow up, but when nothing happened, they slowly relaxed. Each of them assumed it was the explosion that must have scared someone. Sometimes it’s better to think of the positive, rather than what that scream could have been for.

A few minutes later a siren bellows in the distance, a few car alarms wail.

Nothing too bad, but knowing that it could mean someone was being murdered out there didn’t give them any ease.

It was 8:02 pm. 

This is when the banging starts. Y/n thinks it could be a few doors down again. Erica thinks it’s below them and Don thinks it’s above them. 

Wherever it was, it was concerning. 

Erica releases a small nervous chuckle. “Maybe someone is just having a good time?” A fake smile plastered on her face to try and mask her worry. Even she didn’t believe her little theory. Not during a time like this, during The Purge.

It was a few minutes later, after they had quietly resumed their game, that footsteps were heard.

Clacking down the hallway. 

1, 2.

1, 2. 

1, 2. 

1, 2. 

They were walking at a leisurely pace. Taking their time. Strolling down the hallway and getting closer and closer.

All three of them looked towards the door, as if someone were to burst in at any moment.

The footsteps slow before coming to a stop. Right outside her door.

The three of them hold their breath, bodies flinching when a light knock rings out into the open space.

Complete silence.

Another knock.

None of them had even noticed the earlier noises had stopped, too focused on the potential threat now right outside the door. Seemingly wanting someone to open up.

Three pairs of eyes dart between each other. Silent questions trying to push their way out without being heard. A few panicked half shrugs and furrowed brows with downturned lips later, another knock rings out.

This time it was a little louder.

Barely audible whisperings of ‘you go’, ‘no you’, ‘fuck no’, ‘who even is it?’ cut through the silence. No one wanted to ask the question. To even speak a hint of it lest it result in it coming true.

Eventually after a solid minute of panicked, almost silent, squabbling later. A frustrated and frightened Erica pushed herself up. Taking a very obvious deep breath. Eyes closed and silently mumbling to herself before taking a few steps over to the front door.

She tried to be as quiet as she could but each step sounded like it weighed a ton. Every creek and every wobble made to sound the loudest. 

Very quietly bracing her hands upon the door, she leant up on her tiptoes. Peeking into the peephole positioned in the centre of the door.

The two left in the pile of blankets still. Not wanting to even breathe in fear of disturbing whatever was happening in front of them.

A sudden screech of pure panic and fear tore from Erica’s throat. Flailing before landing with a harsh thud on the floor beneath her. Scrambling backwards on her hands and feet, keeping her eyes on the door the entire time.

The two startle and immediately jump up, laboured breathing hindering their lungs from the sudden scare.

“What the fuck? Erica what happened? What was that?” Don frantically whispered. His eyes were also locked on the door. 

Y/n also whispered to her, “Who was that? Erica?” her eyes locked onto her friend, not able to bring herself to look at the door yet.

“It was.. Oh god.. The peep..” Erica wheezed out. The fright took too much out of her with her frantic gasps for air.

A sudden bang echoed into the room. A few more followed before they all realized it was coming from the front door. 

Erica screeched and threw herself back into a standing position, rushing for the kitchen and grabbing any sharp knife her eyes first laid on.

Don stood frozen in fear. Not able to move or barely breathe from the looks of it.

Y/n wasn’t any better herself. Downright terrified. This was her dorm. Her dorm. Which means whoever was outside, was looking for her.

The banging persisted, the person on the other side seemingly determined to get in. This proved correct when the handle started turning whichever way it could. 

She didn’t even realize, terror clouding her senses because when she looked back to her two friends, Don had collapsed into himself, wheezing with little air entering his lungs amidst his panic. Erica was cornered in the kitchen, sobbing, tears flooding her cheeks and ruining her mascara she had in place.

The persistent banging stopped for a second. The faint sound of another pair of footsteps approached from the hallway outside. Muffled talking pursued but it was hard to make anything out, between her pounding heart, Erica’s sobs and the slab of wood in the way, didn’t make for easy hearing.

For Y/n, it seemed there was one second of complete silence. No sobbing, no voices, no distant alarms or explosions, no racing heart, no wheezing lungs. Before chaos sprung onto them.

Suddenly the people outside, because there was another person now, resumed banging on the door. But it didn’t seem like they were ‘just knocking’ anymore. No.

They were trying to break the door down. 

She could see it from the way the door groaned and creaked under the relentless kicking. She couldn't quite tell if they were using their feet, or an object, or whatever. 

All that mattered was that they were trying to get in. And they were going to succeed.

“Move! Hide! We need to hide!” She whisper-yelled. Rushing to Don and tugging on his arm to try and get him to move. He stared at her for a few seconds before his brain caught up, registering what was happening around him. The real danger he was in right now.

“Hide.. Oh god..” He panted, sprinting for the bathroom, the first place his eyes had landed on.

With Don now searching for a place to hide, she ran her way to Erica. Still trying to be as quiet as she could, in the little hopes that they would think she wasn’t here.

“Erica, we need to hide! They’re getting in!” She frantically whispered to her hyperventilating friend. Trying to shake her shoulders, even resorting to lightly slapping her face to try and get her attention. She was desperate.

“Please!” The sound of splintering caught both of their attention. Heads whipping towards the door starting to cave. She wasn’t all that surprised, that slab of wood was a shitty excuse for a door anyway.

Erica suddenly sprung up and dove for the piles of blankets in the living room. Trying to bury herself amongst them, taking the knife with her.

And now that all her friends had been taken care of, she ran for her bedroom. Trying her best not to stumble and fall in the dark hallway. 

As soon as her door came into sight, she gently opened it, gunning for her wardrobe tucked into the corner of the room. Not even looking towards the turned off lantern, she didn’t need them knowing her hiding spot from something so obvious. 

It was already messy anyway, so in her frazzled brain she didn’t bother caring where she tossed piles of clothes and shoes in her room.. They’d hopefully think it was like that in the first place.

After quickly clearing a space big enough for her to curl into, she did just that. Situating herself just right, back pressed against the side of the wardrobe, knees tucked to her chest and pressed against the boxes in front of her. She was sitting on old shirts she hadn’t seen for months.

Hearing the door breaking even further, she grabbed any clothes within her reach and threw them over herself. Shutting the door when she was mostly covered, she could have sworn she could hear laughter coming from the hallway.

A loud crash and splintering tore through the air. She knew it was her front door. And now they were inside. 

Her hands slowly went up to cup around her mouth, trying to muffle her breathing as much as she could. Her body froze. Even when she already began to feel muscle cramps settling in, she dared not move. She forced herself to breathe slowly. Every inhale a struggle along with a reminder that she was still alive at this very moment. Even if she was convinced she wouldn’t be for much longer. 

The thought brought tears to her eyes. The original shock wears from her body and settles into something akin to despair. 

Her throat started clamping up, muscles seizing and throbbing with the need to cry. 

It was the thudding of footsteps that shook her out of it. Snapping her half way back into a nightmarish reality. 

She gulped. Closing her eyes and straining her ears for any information they were willing to receive.

Just as she thought. Two pairs of footsteps. 

With every thud of a shoe or a spike in their muffled talking, her body would tremble. 

It remained like this for a few more minutes. The footsteps or talking occasionally pausing. 

It was during one of these silences, where a different sound was heard. She couldn’t identify the exact sounds, just ones of commotion. They were still all muffled. And then she heard muffled yelling. 

It sounded so dulled, between the walls and layers of wood and clothes, she could barely make out anything, her ears straining for any hint as to what was happening. Being left in the dark like this, literally and figuratively, was terrifying her. 

And then this horrible, awful noise carried its way between the cracks in the wardrobe. Crunching. Cracking. Stomps. 

That muffled yelling from before kept getting cut off. Eventually dwindling down into a barely audible groan. Those thuds never seemed to stop either. Never ending, crunching, cracking, and now wet thuds. 

Her brain was trying its hardest to process, to catch up with the information that it has been provided with. 

More footsteps, only one pair, accompanied with muffled laughter. And a more distinct sound traveling through the air. 

A scream.

Even more laughter, hurried footsteps and pleas of ‘no’, ‘please’, ‘don’ts’. 

It was now, with the wet stomps still in the background, her screeching friend, that eager laugh, that her brain had finally caught up.

She was going to be sick.

They’re hurting them. Killing them.

Her friends.

Her body moved out of its own violation. Shaky hands and feet kicking and pushing their way out of the pile of clothes. Wardrobe door swinging open with a creak.

She collapsed out of it. Slumped on the floor, dry heaving. Her lungs not seeming to take enough air in but yet holding in too much. She couldn’t function. Fear overwhelmed every part of her. As well as grief. 

Her ears were ringing and she was left gasping, drool dripping onto the hard floor beneath her as a result of her attempted vomiting. Eyes wide open, blurry when she tapped back into her mind. 

Tears, clouding her vision and dripping audibly on the floorboards below her. 

In the distance she could hear muffled talking. Two men, she could make out more clearly. Not only that, but squelching, wet, gooey noises seemed to mingle in the air. Gurgling was the next before silence.

A minute passed, maybe two before the footsteps started up again. Those goddamn footsteps. 

1.. 2.

1.. 2.

1.. 2.

But they were slower than before. Steady. Taking their time. 

And getting closer.

Her instincts kick in, blinking profusely to try and clear her eyes from the tears, looking up and darting around before landing on the space under her bed.

She wouldn’t have enough time to fix her spot back in the wardrobe. She couldn’t run past them, not even in her best state which she certainly wasn’t in right now. She had considered her bedroom window as an option, but it was locked, which would take time to open. Not even mentioning the fact she was on the third floor, so jumping out would break at least something important. They would be quick to notice as well, and if they came for her, it was likely they would decide to chase her down.

Under her bed seemed to be her best option at the moment, and she was running out of time. Scrambling as quietly as she could, she slid herself directly under her bed, trying to center herself in the middle of it, tucking herself into a tight ball.

The footsteps stopped right outside her bedroom door, she had enough sense to shut it on her way in, thank god. But that clearly wouldn’t be enough to stop them. 

Almost as if the person was teasing her, they slowly clicked the door open. The distinct creak she had grown accustomed to over the months making itself known. 

Her muscles are tense, tightening in the presence of her predators. 

In the dark space from under her bed and in her room, it was obvious when the light from inside the hallway started spilling in the more the door got pushed open. In the vague depths of her mind it registered that they must’ve either turned the hall lights on, had taken one of her lanterns,  or were carrying one of their own.

Her lungs were burning with the effort to keep her body running with the little air she was allowing them to have, all for the sake of trying to keep quiet.

It was all too silent once again, only for a second or two before the second pair of footsteps came towards her. A lot more hasty compared to the other ones. 

Her breath silently hitched, the new person pushed their way into the room, stepping past their company before a thunk was heard. The sound forced her body to startle, jolting her muscles and kick starting her trembling again. An uncontrollable reaction to the fear she was under, the unrelenting motions causing a deep ache in her ribs.

The sound of rustling was now heard. It seemed they were looking for something. ‘They’re going to kill me. They’re digging around for a weapon to stab me with, to bash my head in, to murder me like they did my friends. I’m dead. I’m dead, I’mdeadI’mdeadI’mdead-’

Her racing thoughts consuming her fear riddled mind failed in picking up the sound of the other pair of footsteps slowly creeping round to the end of her bed. 

The person paused, silently crouching down low before a pair of hands reached under.

The sudden tight grip on her ankles followed up by the sudden pull had her screeching. Pure terror flooding her veins. She had been yanked out from under her bed, lying sprawled on the floor and gazing up at the towering man stationed above her. 

Her lungs burned, seizing up before a sickening scream escaped her. Fuelled by genuine, unrestrained horror. 

They had found her.

One of her lanterns they had brought in illuminated his face in a haunting light. The darkened shadows stretching and contorting behind him to create the most grim image for her mind to paint. Not that it was far off.

A foot standing on either side of her hips, straddling her if it wasn’t for his standing position. Hands nestled comfortably back in his trouser pockets now they had done the job of retrieving her. A comfortable looking long-sleeved shirt adorned his figure. Dark splatters starting from the bottom of his shoes and creeping their way up his legs, tapering off into a few spots that painted one of his cheeks.

An easy smile softly ingrained on his face, followed by gentle looking eyes peering down at her if it wasn’t for the malicious spiral she found herself paralyzed in. Dark locks of hair extended down his back, past where she could see from her position, with the top layers sectioned off and tied back into a bun.

His mouth opened and he spoke. “Well, well. Look what I’ve caught for us Satoru.”

Satoru. The other man must be Satoru Gojo, and this was Suguru. Suguru Geto. The most popular guys she knew, the supposedly kindest. And then staring in the library, the walk back from the shops, the gossip her most likely dead friend had told her.

Her body suddenly felt like it was pumped full of adrenaline. Pushing herself up as fast as she could, using the bed as support all the while stumbling over her numb riddled legs. She took off, running towards the open door she so desperately wanted to pass through. 

A sudden arm snatched her from around her waist and she screeched. Pure instinct driving her at this point as she scratched and kicked and flailed in his, Satoru Gojo’s, hold.

The sound of something dropping before his other arm came round, collecting both her wrists in one hand of his. His grip tightened the more she fought. Her body pressed tight against his, her back to his front. His head situated itself on her shoulder, tucking over and pressing his cheek to hers even while she cried and panted and kicked.

She could feel his grin pressing against the side of her face. “Such a pretty little thing we have here. Can’t let her get away so easily now, can we? Not after all the trouble we’ve gone through.” The last part practically whispered into her ear as she turned her face as far away as possible from him. 

A little laugh boasted out from Geto. “Of course not.” He strolled over to them, bending down to pick up what Gojo had dropped in order to restrain her.

Rope.

Fucking rope.

The moment her eyes zoned in and processed what Geto was unravelling in his hands she tried to fight back even harder. Eyes flooding with tears that spilled down her cheeks. Short mumblings of ‘no’ being repeated over and over while becoming louder until she was yelling. 

“Please don’t do this! Let me go! Please, please.. Stop!” She shrieked while sobbing, convinced they were going to kill her or torture her or something horrible like that.

Gojo walked the two of them to the edge of her bed before forcefully pushing her down, manhandling her onto her front and bending her arms to rest pressing against her back.  

She sobbed into her ruffled sheets as she felt Geto fastening the rope tight around her wrists, the rough material digging into and pinching the sensitive skin. Raw and red marks already forming amidst her struggle. 

Her legs still hung off the bed, trying their best to kick and hopefully injure one or both of them, but she knew it was a losing battle. None of her landing blows made them falter in any way.

When her wrists were successfully restrained Geto kept them pressed to the small of her back while Gojo let go and reached down to grab her ankles. Pulling them up and bending her legs at the knees while they both worked in finishing the task of tying her up.

When they finally stepped back to admire the work they’d successfully done, Y/n deflated. Tears soaking into her bed in which she rested on top of. Her lungs still burned, having never stopped. The hogtied position she had been forced into leaving her nothing to work with in terms of escaping. Not that she could think clearly anyway. The distress she was under proved too much.

“Oh, Shh Sh Sh… There, there, sweet thing. Settle down for us now. We aren’t going to kill you.” Cooed, who she could only guess right now was Gojo.

Geto reached forward from his position of kneeling on the bed, gentle soothing pets stroking her hair. Her sobbing tapering off into hiccupped breathing even while flinching with every touch. “There you go, good girl. See that wasn’t so hard now, was it?”

He pulled away from her, stepping down off the bed and heading towards the previously discarded bag on the floor Y/n hadn’t noticed before..

Y/n slowly turned her head round, no longer pressed into her sheets. Her eyes were red and bloodshot, swollen from all the crying she’d been doing. Little hiccups and groans left her while her lungs tried to recover. She’d given up struggling right now, it had done nothing but cause her pain as the rope dug and squeezed the skin of her wrists and ankles. 

Gojo piped up from behind her, only now feeling the heat from his legs pressing into hers causing her to flinch. “You know, this would’ve gone a whole lot easier if you had just let us in sweetheart.” She could practically hear the smug smile in his voice. “Look at where you are now, tied up all pretty for us. Ripe for the taking.” He pressed closer to her at that, voice practically dripping with need. 

She whined in fear and started squirming at his words. Panic flooding her senses again for just a second before a sharp tug to her hair had her yelping, halting her movements.

“I thought I told you to quit that.” Geto was back to kneeling on the bed in front of her, his hand gripping tight onto her hair, eyes narrowed. 

Her bottom lip trembled, breaths picking up with every second he glared down at her. 

“Don’t be so mean, Sugu.” Gojo said, a teasing lilt in his voice. 

Geto glanced back at him before humming and letting go of his harsh grip, her scalp burning in turn. “I suppose you’re right. She’ll have plenty of time to learn when we take her back home.”

Gojo hummed and she felt him leaning away from her, hearing him crouch down and fiddle with something from the bag as well. 

“Back home?..” She stuttered, voice hoarse and throat dry.

Geto looked back down at her, amusement painting his face. “Yes. Home.”

“Where..” She started, face formed in a twist of concern and confusion. “Please.. I.. Just let me go. I won’t- I won’t tell anyone, I’ll- I’ll leave you alone, I’ll do anything, please..” She gasped out, tears gathered freshly in her eyes again, voice cracking every few seconds. 

An amused eyebrow raised with the hint of a smirk at the corner of his mouth was all she got as a response. 

Gojo had come back, reaching round and fastening a strip of duct tape around her mouth in a sudden flurry of movement. Giving her no time to process what he had done until after he had done it. 

She cried out, the sound muffled thanks to the tape, worried eyes darting around in panic as she tried squirming again for the third time. 

Gojo pressed up behind her once again. “You’re not going anywhere, sweet pea! You’re ours now. We’ve had you picked out for a long time now.” The joy in his voice didn’t fail to put her on edge, his words doing their part in helping the tears gathered in her waterline to finally spill down her cheeks. Wetting the tape situated over her lips.

“He’s right.” Geto replied. Bringing one of his hands up to show what he had collected from the bag a few moments ago. The mobile phone in his hands glowed brightly in the dark room, the lamp from before having been moved, the light now dim.

“We’ll bring you back with us soon enough, but we still have a few more hours to kill before that. And why waste them.” Gojo said, the grin in his voice unsettling her, keeping her frozen in fear.

An easy smile pulled at Geto’s cheeks at that, head tilting to the side to gaze down at their pretty prey. 

“Well what are you waiting for then, Satoru?”

A pause. Smile pulling into a predatory grin.

“Have at it.”

[waywardducks]

I just can't stop thinking about the idea of y/n and Jason having a meet-cute in a bookstore! It's so cozy and sweet. I’ve had this idea in my head for days now.

CW: Fluff, a bit OOC, mentions of fighting and of Jason’s death, Gn reader

⋆ ✩₊˚ ʚ♡ɞ ˚₊✩⋆

Jason was fighting with Bruce, which meant Jason would not be going to the manor for the next few weeks. At least not until one of the men decided to give in and apologize. Which would be a while this time. Usually, when it is Jason’s fault his brothers will talk him into apologizing and help him recognize where he was wrong. But this time Bruce is wrong. Meaning no one, not even Alfred will be able to get this man to pull his head out of his ass. Maybe they could if Jason fought hard enough, and threw enough hard-hitting insults to breach the stony exterior that is Batman. But Jason doesn’t feel like breaking his own heart right now, so he’s opting for the long run, waiting (im)patiently as far from Batman as possible. Bruce will come back and apologize eventually when the silence and lack of his second son start feeling too close to when Jason was dead. When memories start to surface grief begins to overwhelm the man.

For now, though, Jason is content to sit in his apartment and read. The only real downside is that the book he had been reading was currently still in the manor’s library. Technically Jason could just ask one of his siblings to retrieve it for him, but he’s still hurt from his fight with his father and doesn’t feel like doing something vulnerable, like asking for help.

So he heads to the bookstore. He’s been to this particular bookstore a million times. It’s cozy, nestled on the edge of Blüdhaven, close to the border. Sometimes Jason would head to Dick’s apartment afterwards, since he was in his brother’s neighborhood. The shop has a little cafe area, indoor and outdoor seating, a covered patio with a couch that Jason enjoyed sitting on when it was raining.

A bell chimes his arrival as he entered the small shop.

“Welcome in!” An older woman greets from behind the counter.

Jason gives the woman a smile before making his way to the Shakespeare section. He began browsing the titles, trying to find the exact one he was looking for.

The bell chimes and again, but Jason paid it no real mind, only acknowledging that a third person was now in the store.

“Oh! Y/n. How lovely to see you again.” The woman at the front exclaims.

“Hey Mrs Goodmen! How’ve you been?” The newcomer asked.

“Just perfect, thank you for asking dear. What brings you in today?”

“I need a new copy of a book I love. I let my friend borrow it a year ago and I don't think I'm getting it back.”

“Well, you go find it, let me know if you need any help, okay?”

“Of course, thank you!”

There was silence again as the person began browsing aisles. Jason smiled as he found the book he was looking for. He pulled it off the shelf and began flipping through the pages.

“Oh, how funny.” A voice startles Jason out of his skimming and he looks up. It was the person that had been talking the lady.

“What's funny?” Jason asked, closing his book.

“That's the book I was looking for.” They say, pointing at paperback in Jason’s hands.

Jason smiles. “Oh, that is funny.”

“Great minds think alike.” The person jokes. “I'm Y/n, by the way.”

“Jason. Nice to meet you.”

“You too!”

Jason watches as Y/n grabs a copy of the same book off the shelf.

“I've read this like 8 times now. I'm planning on actually annotating it this time. It's just so good. Oh! I should check to see if they have that new book I wanted to read.” Y/n mumbles.

Jason thinks it's cute how distracted they got all of a sudden. They themselves were cute. The oversized sweater they’re wearing, the concentrated look on their face as they search for the book they need, even the way their hair looks like they just rolled out of bed.

Jason pulls a small notebook out of his pocket and writes his name and number on it quickly. He doesn’t normally do this sort of thing, maybe it was because this person had similar taste in reading. Jason isn't sure, but he did know that this person is cute and he wants to get to know them.

“Are you a Shakespeare fan?” Y/n asks all of a sudden.

Jason chuckles. “I suppose you can say that. Though I suppose I'm more of a classical literature fan.”

Y/n smiles a bit wider at that. “Me too! I especially love Greek mythology and Gothic romance. Oh! They do have it! Perfect, I've been so excited for this one!” Y/n plucks a book off the shelf and does a triumphant little twirl.

Jason takes note of the book in her hand. “Biography of Mary Casset?”

Y/n shows Jason the books. “Yep! She was an impressionist painter whose main focus was on the relationships between mother and child. She also used traditional Chinese printing methods. She was a hardcore feminist and never stopped even after facing backlash for being a female artist in a male-dominated industry. I adore her.”

Jason can't help but stare at Y/n as they gushed over the artist. The way they ramble and are so passionate about it has his heart beating a lot faster all of a sudden.

“She sounds pretty fucking cool. I might need to grab me a copy of that as well.” He says. “Oh yeah, said you wanted to annotate this book,” he lifts the book that brought them both here in the first place. “We should get together sometime, compare notes maybe?”

Y/n blushes. “Yeah. That sounds like a lot of fun.” They smile brightly.

“Awesome! Here, take this.” Jason hands them the paper with his number on it. “Text me, we’ll make it a date?”

Y/n’s blush darkens. “Of course! I, uh, maybe a cafe or something? I’ll, umm, I'll have to check and see when I'm free.” They stammer as they carefully place the paper in their bag.

“Perfect. I'll be waiting to hear from you then.” Jason winks before turning and walking to the counter. He checks out and makes his way back to his apartment.

⋆ ✩₊˚ ʚ♡ɞ ˚₊✩⋆

What do y'all think? I tried to keep the book nondescript but then went I ranted too hard about Mary Casset. My bad. I hope that my little explanation at the end there makes up for how ooc Jay is. Let me know if you want more! Feel free go request and give a prompt as well! I love writing and I want to do more of it!

Also, I apologize for any mistakes. I have major Dyslexia and Grammarly doesn't always fix everything. I hope you Enjoyed! 🌼🐛

[snippychicke]

hello if its fine can i reaquest a fic for robin on mairishimata iruma kun x reader where robin was in his wicked phase and reader found him im wondering on how it will turn out it can be up to you

Heyyyyy Anon! I am so sorry this took me over six months to reply to. Hopefully this makes up for the wait.

This can be read as a stand alone, or as a continuation of this fic here

Gender-neutral reader, the end is kind of up for interpretation but does insinuate... happy fun times.

See my library of fics here!

If you had thought Robin was a ball of sunshine and energy before, he was twice as much now. It amused you to no end watching him conduct his classes in the courtyards, helping the students become more familiar with their familiars. 

He was always so positive, so energetic. The light in his vivid green eyes always sparkled with happiness that you both loved, and to a point, envied him for. 

So when you heard he was in his evil cycle, you were extremely surprised. Robin? Of all demons? What could have bothered him so much to do that? 

"Best stay away," Dali had teased with a glint in his eye. "Those of the Babatos descent are very determined to get what they want." 

Which… did nothing but invoke your curiosity to be honest. What did Robin want so badly that it would push him like this? Or was Dali just up to his tricks? After all, you had been dating/courting Robin for a while now and he hadn't seemed to want anything. 

He had been an ultimate gentleman, or gentledemon, whatever. While he was always finding reasons to hug you and lavish you with soft kisses, he had never done anything further… which was actually causing you to feel conflicted. 

So, against your better judgment, you went to search out your significant other, which ended up leading you to the wild forest adjacent to Babyls. 

The forest was blessed with dappled sunlight, the sounds of the woods both reminding you of earth, as well as how different it was. 

Just as you were thinking that maybe he wasn't among the trees, you felt something small fly by your face. You froze as the arrow impaled the tree next to you. You slowly turned, and could barely see Robin amongst the soft green foliage. 

The smile on his face was slightly off; both playful and something else. Just like the expression in his eyes. "Are you gonna run, my little human?" He teased, his words barely heard over the rustling of the leaves. "You know how I love a good hunt." 

There was a small voice in your head warning you that he was in an evil cycle. That you could be in quite a bit of trouble. This was not your happy-go-lucky Robin. 

But… in a way it was. He was waiting for you despite everything. Yes, he had an arrow notched and aimed for you, but you could tell it was still the Robin you loved, looking for a spot of fun. 

And, well, who were you to deny him?

You grinned up at him before spinning on your heel and taking off deeper into the woods, hearing him laugh behind you. Arrows were soon whizzing past, close enough you could feel their air currents, but never once actually brushing you. Your heart was pounding as you leapt over fallen logs and crashed through the underbrush, vaguely aware of Robin following you as his arrows came from different directions. 

He may have been following you, but you realized he was guiding your path with his arrows, encouraging you to turn whenever he wanted with a few aimed shots. And that path led to a large oak-like tree that blocked your path, its roots too overgrown to simply climb around them. 

Meaning you were trapped.  

“Aw, too bad,” Robin cooed as he dropped from the canopy just as you turned to try a different path. His usual cheerful smile had been replaced with a rather wicked grin. “Looks like you lost.” 

You bit your lip and you stepped backwards and he advanced, your heart still thrumming, though for a different reason. “So, what’s the mighty hunter going to do now that he caught his prize?” You asked as you were pressed against the rough bark of the tree. 

“Hmm, that is a good question, my little human,” he purred, his voice taking on a darker quality that sent shivers straight to your core. He pinned you to the tree, his hands on either side of you, his sharpened nails digging into the bark. You closed your eyes and could barely hold back a whimper as he pressed his face against your neck. “I always wondered what a human actually tasted like…” 

You had kissed before. Several times. But none of it prepared you for the kind of kisses he pressed to your neck, using his lips, teeth, and tongue in a way that soon had you gasping and whining in pleasure with a hint of pain. 

Robin pressed even closer, his hands wandering across your chest and stomach, leaving gooseflesh in its wake, even with clothing between your skin and his. “Can I taste you?” he whispered in your ear as he boldly cupped your groin. “Please, my sweet?” 

Devi, you wouldn’t have denied him in the first place, but especially when phrased like that. 

[theficblog]

and jaemin being the kid who comes from a long line of the academy's renowned alumni is just so good for the plot?? Like he could be the character who just happens to be at the wrong place in the wrong time whenever i go investigate the trails Jisung has been given me

"Noona,just snoop around for me,will you? If i'm wrong, then I'm wrong, but if there's a chance that there is some signs of the old society, it'd be something else!" Jisung's voice on the other end sounds excited,maybe even too excited to be indulged in,but I knew if I didn't humour him at least once, he'd never stop bugging me about it.

"Okay,but if I get kidnapped or anything else starts happening when it shouldn't, I swear I'll find a way to kick your sorry butt,Andy."

"Whatever,just keep searching!"

And chenle's headcanons are making me laugh so hard, he's basically the eccentric rich kid who enrolled just because he was bored of being homeschooled lmao and since you've been so nice to me, in this au you and chenle eventually start dating and i get weird ideas with Mark cause we're in a similar roommate situation but that Haechan kid is really starting to get on my nerves cause for some reason he's somehow on to me with the whole investigating the academy for my brother's sake and now he just wont leave my ass alone

Also accidentally meeting up with renjun at the library cause he sent me an email to meet him there for the study session which was weird cause we dont even have the same classes until I show up and he just sighs and goes;

"I must've been tricked again...This session was supposed to be for some kid one of the professors assigned to me and I asked him to give me his number and email to be able to communicate but he gave me a fake number...and a fucking fake email too"

"Well,it's not really fake." I'd say with an awkward smile, "I mean,it went through to mine."

Renjun laughs at that, although he did look tired as fuck, but then he leaned back in his chair and looked up at me,just a little bit hopeful.

"Do you need help with any of your studies? I'm kinda free now, and I think I'd really like to help someone with something to make my day feel less invalid..."

And honestly,I was doing fine, but the guy looked so worn out, I just really didn't want to say no.

Imso sorry i'll just limit my ask for this specific topic to two at a time 😭😭

ANDY PARK 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

jisung really out be there giving those geronimo stilton kids books vibes im so sorry but he would actually be that and then you'd get embarrassed to tell the cool kids he is your brother and then i can imagine elite jaemin getting to know you are related like you said already ashhhh

why is renjun using an e-mail did he take history seriously? no cos imagine renjun tying little scrolls to pigeons and using them as courier service just to get into the feels of those shakespearean times ... but im happy even if by accident you guys budded a cute friendship i'll ignore the fact he was swearing.. AND THAT KID COULD HAVE BEEN HAECHAN idk he is in business tho but maybe you guys share classes..

HAECHAN WOULD BOTHER YOU 100000/1000 (as he should)

so we already have three guys for ash, leave my chenle alone and hurry and take the others too come on ash!!!

[fullfledgedghost]

i do not have ao3 or any other fanfiction posting website so i will put my fic on tumblr instead! anyway i wrote a fic about nageki inspired by https://nageki-the-friendly-ghost.tumblr.com/post/690720841841934336/i-wanna-see-the-five-years-of-nageki-alone-in-the <- this post. thank you @nageki-the-friendly-ghost for allowing me to run with your idea lol =)

spoilers are alluded to but not actually stated. you could probably guess what im alluding too though im not great at being subtle lol.

this got really long i apologize. i hope you enjoy!

Fujishiro, Nageki. Freshman. He knew this much from the ID card found in his pocket. There was some other information on the card as well, but he didn’t think it was important. The card was blackened on the edges, almost sooty. He had tried to scrape it off more than once. All he had accomplished was getting his wingtips dirty.

He was in the library. He probably could’ve guessed this from the books scattered around, but some other birds solidified this in their idle chatter with one another.

He wasn’t sure when he had entered the library. He assumed he had fallen asleep in there before class, because that was where he had awoken. He didn’t seem to have any books on him.

For the moment, he was content to remain in the library. He was still a little tired, and when he tried to stand he became light-headed and had to sit down again. The library was comfortably warm, and he found himself drifting back to sleep if he wasn’t careful.

Eventually, the lights dimmed and the students left. Noticing people starting to leave, Nageki stood up (with some difficulty), stretched his wings, and followed the other students into the hallway.

....except he didn’t.

Nageki didn’t know why he couldn’t leave the library, but he didn’t question it as much as he probably should have. Honestly, he was very tired, again for a reason he did not know and could not understand, which made it difficult to put much effort into figuring anything out.

For the moment, he was content to remain in the library and read all day. He hoped his teachers weren’t worried about why he wasn’t coming to class. If he had teachers. He couldn’t remember if he did.

He wondered why nobirdie else was talking to him. The other birds weren’t there when he had first become aware, but they started showing up a little while later. For the most part, they stayed quiet and worked on whatever they were working on, but even when they passed by Nageki’s corner, they never tried to make conversation. Never even looked at him.

Once, he tried talking to one of them. A bird had been looking for a book on a shelf beside Nageki’s usual corner haunt, and he was beginning to grow restless.

“Hey, do you have the time..?” Nageki asked awkwardly. His voice was quiet and a little bit strained. Nageki realized he had forgotten what his own voice sounded like, at some point.

The other bird didn’t respond. They kept searching for a book.

“Um. Excuse me?” He asked again, a little louder this time.

The bird pulled away from the bookshelf, looking annoyed. They sighed and walked to the opposite side of them room, then began looking through another shelf.

Nageki felt.. strange. Was the other bird’s reaction directed at him? It could’ve been at the bookshelf, maybe, but he wasn’t sure.

Maybe everyone hated him, and that’s why they left him alone. Maybe he was just being bullied.

He felt uncomfortable, thinking this. Maybe he would take a short nap to get his mind off things.

One day he saw somebody writing in their library book. He grit his beak and mentally debated whether he should approach the vandal or not. If he really was being bullied, as his current theory stated, it would be a bad idea. But, sometimes it seemed to Nageki that he was the only one who cared about these books. He was the only one who would say anything.

He ruffled his feathers, mustered his courage, and stood up, walking over to the table where the vandal bird sat.

“Hey.” Nageki said, quiet but firm. “Is that your book?” He knew it wasn’t.

The other bird didn’t say anything in response. They didn’t even look up.

Nageki was beginning to grow annoyed.

“Excuse me, sir, but you shouldn’t write in library books. Those are school property.” He knew he sounded kind of dorky, protecting the library books, but he was resolved.

The other bird still didn’t respond. Nageki looked around nervously. What was happening? He had stood up, walked, and started talking to somebody, and yet nobody had looked up from their work. Nobody acknowledged him.

Nageki suddenly became very uncomfortable. Like he was about to remember something he’d much rather forget.

He looked back at the vandal bird. Quickly, and without thinking about it much, he picked up a pencil from the desk and threw it lightly at the other bird. Then he turned around and walked away.

“H-hey, who threw that??” An angry accusation came from the vandal bird. Nageki did not respond. The bird did not ask him to, even if he was the most likely suspect.

He returned to his corner and sat back down, picking up his book but not reading it. Instead, he watched the other birds go about their studying, then leave when the sunlight filtering through the windows started to fade. Eventually, a teacher came in to catch any stragglers, took a look around, and then locked the door. Locking Nageki in.

Nageki no longer thought he was being bullied.

People weren’t coming to the library as much anymore. He’d overheard some of them complaining about the temperature always being too cold. Others mentioned that the room smelled faintly of smoke, and it gave them headaches. One bird mentioned a ghost who stole pencils.

Nageki didn’t know what they were talking about. He hadn’t felt cold in a while, and couldn’t really smell anything either. Maybe they were just being dramatic?

Either way, the library steadily grew emptier and emptier. At first, he was worried about everyone leaving, but once he remembered that nobody could see him anyway, he resigned himself to his fate. He didn’t mind getting to read by himself, he thought. This was what usually happened to him anyway, left alone to read.

...what? What usually happened? When is ‘usually’?

Nageki wished somebirdie would put up a calendar in the library. He had no idea what year it was, or even really what month. He could tell when it was winter because of the snow, and summer because the library was suddenly crowded with birds escaping the heat, but otherwise he was completely blind to time.

He wondered when his birthday was. He wondered if he could still get older. He wondered a lot of things.

Nageki didn’t dream. But when he did, he dreamed of fire. It made him feel guilty. He couldn’t understand why.

It had probably been a while, now, since Nageki had first woken up in the library. He couldn’t quite remember.

He had read a majority of the interesting books in the library, at this point. A few of them, his favorites, he had read more than once. He wished the library would get new books, but it didn’t seem like anyone cared enough to buy any.

This library, for the most part, had remained unchanged since he arrived there. Like it was stuck in time with him. Maybe that’s why he was stuck there, in that library, that place beyond time.

Was he.. beyond time? He wasn’t sure.

He had been sporadically keeping a journal for some time now. He wasn’t sure why, since he knew nobirdie else would read it. He supposed it was nice to keep his thoughts in order.

He had never considered himself much of a writer, better suited to reading books than creating them. But journaling was...... well, it was a way to pass the time. Reading had become less of a hobby and more like the only activity he was permitted to do while stuck here. He needed a new hobby.

Nageki tried to escape from the library a variety of ways. It was sometime over summer, he assumed, because no birds had visited the library in a while. He tried sleeping through those long months, but that hadn’t worked. Eventually, he became restless.

The door, obviously, didn’t work. He knew that. He still tried a few times, but nothing new happened.

There were a few windows leading to the courtyard. Nageki wasn’t sure if they were locked or not, but upon testing them, he found they were unlocked.

He knew trying to leave via window wasn’t actually dangerous for birds, who had wings and could fly, but the action still felt dangerous. It made Nageki’s heart race to stick his head out of the library window. He hadn’t realized how long it had been since he had felt a real breeze.

Unfortunately, the windows all proved unhelpful as well. No matter how hard he tried, he was pushed back into the library much like when he tried to leave via the door.

He sighed and flopped down in the center of the library. He was tired. It took a lot of effort to attempt an escape from the library.

Laying on the floor, Nageki wondered if he could break through the floor and escape that way. As he slowly fell asleep, he wondered why he wanted to leave so bad. Was anything even waiting for him out there..?

When he awoke in a different room, Nageki was surprised. Had he finally done it? Had he finally escaped?

He did not recognize the room he was in, but from the beakers and other equipment scattered around he assumed it was some sort of science classroom. Maybe a lab room.

The presence of a human skeleton on the wall unnerved him. He hoped it wasn’t real. From the books he had read, he knew humans were endangered, and having one’s remains on a wall felt distasteful to him. Yes, that was probably why the idea made him uncomfortable.

A bird he had never seen before entered the room. He began setting up the lab equipment as if he was going to perform an experiment.

Something about this bird made Nageki want to hide from him, even though he knew he couldn’t see him. Maybe it was his suspicious, red-rimmed eyes? Or the expression on his face as he readied whatever experiment he wanted to conduct?

Whatever it was, Nageki took a step back from him. In doing so, he bumped into a rack of empty test tubes and knocked one over. It fell to the ground, shattering.

The suspicious bird looked up, annoyed. “Who’s there? I know that test tube didn’t jump off the desk of its own accord.”

Nageki’s eyes widened, and his feathers ruffled in fright. He had no idea what to do. He didn’t want to be found by this bird.

For some reason, he remembered that certain birds will fly straight up when they are surprised. This seemed like a horrible idea, but Nageki couldn’t think of anything else to try. Quickly, he flapped his wings and accelerated towards the roof of the lab room. Closing his eyes, he braced for impact......

But felt nothing. Opening his eyes, he found himself once again in the library.

What???? Had he been dreaming?? He quickly looked around and found everything as he had last seen it. He sighed.

Though, thinking about it again.... Nageki had an idea. Not giving himself any time to talk himself out of it, Nageki closed his eyes and tried to put his head through the library floor.

...no impact. He opened his eyes. He could see the suspicious bird and the chemistry materials!

He smiled. He was pretty sure this was the first time he’d smiled since waking up, minus smiling while reading.

Nageki pulled his head back into the library. Tentatively, he tried to fly up as well, into the library ceiling. Success! He was outside of the school, on the roof!

He could feel the breeze on his feathers, though it didn’t ruffle them. He assumed whatever made him able to pass through solid walls also made it impossible for the wind to touch him. But he didn’t care. For the first time in however many years it had been, Nageki could actually leave the library.

A few days later, however, his discovery had turned into just more punishment. Sure, he could move up and down, but he still couldn’t go anywhere. No matter what he could see from the rooftop, he was cursed to remain on the rooftop. He still couldn’t really leave.

Nageki was already resigned to his fate anyway. He remained in the library, and didn’t do much except sleep for a while. When he could stay awake, he re-read some of his favorite books. Though, even those were beginning to get boring.

Nageki was bored. Nageki was tired.

He had stopped getting excited when the school year began. Sure, it was fun to watch the other birds go about their high school lives, but it only made him ache for his own. And he knew it was foolish to hope that somebody would finally, finally see him, finally speak to him.

Nageki decided to forget about the other birds. He kept to himself even in the library, preferring to haunt the areas with as few birds as possible. He tried to ignore their conversations, but he still caught a few stories about a new math teacher falling asleep while teaching, or rumors about a human being accepted to the school.

If the library became too crowded, he would fly up to the roof and sleep in the sun for a while. He slept a lot more, these days. Sleep, read, sleep, read, sleep. At least it kept him busy.

And then, one day, something interrupted his routine. It was the beginning of a new school year, and he hadn’t seen many birds in the library yet. He was mostly waiting for some books to be returned, as one that he was in the middle of reading had been checked out over the summer by an unknown student.

And suddenly, a girl walked into the library. A human girl.

Nageki couldn’t help but stare at her. He hadn’t seen a human in years. Or ever. He couldn’t remember. They were such strange creatures. He couldn’t imagine a world where they were in charge. Not that he hated humans, he actually liked them, he was just fascinated by their unique characteristics. He’d heard they were very powerful. This human certainly looked powerful.

The human looked at him. No, she looked through him. He knew she couldn’t actually see him.

“Umm... did you want something from me?” She asked.

...or maybe she could?? She was looking right at him, seeming confused. He panicked and looked away. Was she actually talking to him?????

Well, there was only one way to find out. Still looking at the ground, Nageki spoke for the first time in a while.

“Not really...” he said quietly.

The human was quiet for a moment. He knew it, she was talking to somebirdie else, nobody could see him, nobody would talk to him.

“Are you sure?” She spoke again. Nageki couldn’t believe it. He had no idea what to do.

He had noticed while watching the human that she was carrying some books. He decided to switch the conversation back to something he understood better.

“Yes. I don’t want anything with you.” He told the girl. “...it’s the things you’re carrying that I’m interested in.”

Nageki looked at the stack of books, then at the table, then back at the floor. He had no idea what he was doing.

“Oh... sorry.” The girl responded sheepishly. “Ehehe, they were a little too dense and I never finished them. Were you waiting for them all summer?”

Was she teasing him? He couldn’t tell. He didn’t know what to say. So he said nothing. He simply went back to reading his book. Maybe, if he were lucky, she would just leave him alone to return to his routine.

Understandably, considering his streak of bad luck, the human spoke again. “I’m Tosaka Hiyoko. A sophomore. What about you?”

Nageki wasn’t sure what he was at this point. He had been stuck in this library for so long, he had no idea what was happening in the outside world. And despite how much time he had spent alone, he had no idea what had happened to him, either. Why he was stuck here.

“Y-you’re...?” She asked, awkwardly. He realized he had just ignored her question.

If he hadn’t figured out his past while he was stuck here, alone, all those years, maybe he never would. Maybe, just maybe, this was him being given a chance to change his fate. To end his boring routine.

He remembered the first time he had woken up in the library. How he had looked over his student ID with the blackened corners so many times.

“Nageki.” He said finally. “Fujishiro, Nageki. Freshman.”

[atlasaure1ius]

idk what i feel

so yesterday one of my friends (lets call her Lily) who i’ve only known for a few months invited me out with one of her friends (lets call her Marlene). So Lily claims that i’m one of her bestest friends ever, and that i get her like no one else does, blablabla… yk the usual. And Marlene and Lily have been best friends for YEARS. So naturally when i go with them i feel awkward. Marlene keeps telling me how well she knows Lily and i dont look too deep into it but i dont feel nice around her im getting bad vibes. Marlene has to bring her little brother with her so he’s stuck with us. On the bus ride to the mall, Marlene and Lily keep talking inside shit with each other, whenever Lily talks to me Marlene distracts her again, and that should have been an obvious sign that Marlene doesnt like me BUT OH GOD LILY IS SO INNOCENT. me being me tho i dont make a big deal out of it i just pull on the hood of my jacket and pretend to scroll through tiktok. everyone buys that im fine cuz im Emo™ i dont talk much anyway right? by the time we get to the mall and get food Lily is talking to me a bit again and i feel okay for a while, then we get to a table which has 4 seats (2 people on each side). Lily moves to sit beside me but Marlene asks Lily to sit with her. Lily’s worried bout me and asks me if im fine with it but i pretend i dont care when i actualy fucking do care we go to the library later, where i pretty much get ignored once more. i tell them i wanna go search for a book and disappear for a long time, i just wanna be by myself. the library is one of my fav places on earth, its supposed to be a safe haven, but i feel so sad and EMPTY like i had been such a dumb bitch if i actually thought that anyone here actually cared about me when i finally went back so they wouldnt worry, Lily was the only one who actually noticed my absence. I fake a smile once more but its SO FUCKING HARD I CANT KEEP DOING THIS i thought that maybe once we got home i could get a chance to talk to Lily alone, but NOOOO when we reached our neighbourhood Marlene said she was going the same way as me, and told me she enjoyed the day and invited me out again next week. so when i get home i fake having had fun so my parents wouldn’t worry, and i see photos of today that Marlene posted on her Insta and GUESS WHAT every photo is taken perfectly so that only her and Lily would be seen so yeah it was a shitty day. i feel so empty. i was actualy looking forward to this… i fucking hate that bitch

[slepyicarus]

How He meet Him:

Satan

Wrath meets tired Rage

Tags: anxiety, exhaustion, anger issues, being lost, ooc satan+diavolo+barbatos (i suck at writing some characters ok), brotherly diavolo+barbatos

Now..where the fuck am i again.., Icarus thought annoyed as well as tired. He was still sluggish from training to use his wings right with the help of the Little D's. Now he somehow had to find his way through this giant School on his own because his brothers asked him to bring them some documents as they couldnt leave right now. The problem is No. 2, who was originally supposed to be his companion and guide right now was seperated from him and Icarus, being still quite skittish around new places and panics, easily dashed away when he saw alot of demons leave the classrooms. So now without guide and a dead DDD, he knew leaving his backpack in the castle was a terrible idea, he was lost trying his best to find his way without panicking or losing his temper. Both equally well possible with his mood.

He opened the first double door he found, knowing only that fact about the room he was supposed to be at had one. To his surprise he found an almost completely empty library. "Finally atleast a quiet calm place where i can rest for a bit before trying to find the coucil room again..", the halfdemon muttered under his breath while starting to browse the rows. He may not be the best to understand the language yet but he knew being exposed enough to it will make him master it better. Its just like how he trained his english.

Coming up to the murder mystery section he started to get excited even if he still was tired and had a short fuse right now. Softly going over the spins while reading the titles the lilanette found a title catching his attention. He started to reach for it but it was just out of his reach. Trying all his usual tricks of jumping, doing a dangerous game of extrem shelf parkour and standing on his very tippy toes his frustration and tiredness grew. He stood there huffing and puffing from exhaustion and glaring at the book. It almost looked mockingly well placed.

"What is a sloth demon being so angry about that they make a wrath demon notice it?", a calm smooth voice sounded from the right side of the boiling halfdemon. Whipping his head around furiously to glare daggers at the new face Icarus barked "Alot of things, Asshole. now fuck off and leave me alone!" Still smiling he raised a singular eyebrow reminded the other an awfully lot of his older sister sending him even further into the rage. Ready to read him some leviten Icarus fully turned towards the blond demon but before he got a chance to, the blonde gave him the book Icarus tried to get the whole time and got him this angry in the frist place. "Sherlock Holmes. Good choice. Read his books before, ..?" "Icarus. Thank you. And sorry that i was rude before..the rage makes me lose my manners..", the short sloth demon apologied, feeling guilty for lashing out against a stranger. "Its alright. Your stressed and tired, right? Some result to anger then.", offering his hand he continued, "Im Satan. Are you new at RAD?" "Shaking his hand and then following the blond to a table filled with books Icarus explained "Its a pleasure to meet you. And No actually. Not yet anyways..My brothers just need some documents and i got seperated from the Little D that was supposed to guide me and now im lost..I wanted to rest a bit before i continue to search." Both demons sat down with their books across eachother. "Oh, who are your brothers? I'm in the Student Council so i should be able to help you find them. I assume they are also sloth demons?" Shaking his head the lilanette explained "No they are a pride and a greed demon. I was adopted by them as i have no family here.", he thought about his next words abit carefully, not sure who much he was allowed to revela about himself right now, "Actually if your in the Student Council, it would be nice if you could show me to the Council room. I was supposed to meet them there.." "But First you would like to rest a bit, i assume? Wouldnt you brothers get worried then?" "Let them Worry then. Thats what they get for making me go to this giant school knwoing i get anxious around new places and lots of people i dont know with only a Little D.", Icarus huffed and opened his book earning a soft small laugh from the other over his petty prank.

Diavolo started to get anxious. No. 2 has reported he lost Icarus thanks to the bell ringing and all of the people leaving their classrooms scaring the young halfdemon into dashing off. He shouldn't have asked him to bring the forgotten documents but he missed the nowadays always smiling happy young boy he and his butler adopted as their younger brother. "Shall I look for him, M'lord?", Barbatos requested ahving noticed the anxious energy of the prince. "Maybe it would be better..Icarus could be having a panic attack while being lost like the first time he had to find his way in the castle..", Diavolo thought out loud. Just as he wanted to make the command official the door opened to the room with Satan and the spoken about party. Both quietly laughing to themselfes. Looking up The green-golden eyes of the halfdemon lit up happily. "Brothers! Finally her you are!", looking back at the blonde avatar he smiled, "Thanks for guiding me again, Satan! I bet i would have gotten even worst lost without you!" The wrathful demon looked a bit dumbstruck "You didnt tell me your Brothers where Lord Diavolo and Barbatos." The prince and his butler meanwhile walked to the halfdemon who smiled apologetic "Im sorry for not telling you that. I was unsure if i was aloud too as im not yet officially annouced as the adoptived Brother of Dia and there fore being a duke.."

Suddenly Diavolo scooped up the short lilanette in his arms efficiently interrupting the conversation between the avatar and the half demon. Hugging him tightly Diavolo sighed dramatically. "There you are, Ru! I was starting to get worried you would have a panic attack somewhere!" slapping the back of the demon prince Icarus gasped a bit for air "Sorry. I kinda got angry and frustrated about being lost so i read a book in the library to calm down and rest abit. Also, dia, please, i love your hugs but i still need air and your crushin me!" shifting the shorter the redhaired prince carried the lilanette on his arm now. Diavolo smiled as he announced to Satan "Thanks for taking care of Icarus, Satan! If you need something, just tell us. Its my thanks for helping my tiny brother!" Earning a soft slap on the back head from Icarus for calling him tiny in the process. Satan nodded "I assume i should keep quiet about Icarus for now?" "That would be highly appreciated. He still has to learning a few things before we can introdruce everyone to him.", Barbatos answered calmly, standing next to the prince now.

"Hey brothers..? Can Satan meet me from time to time..? He could help me get better at controlling my rage and maybe having a book buddy will help me with learning the language..?", Icarus requested carefully, not sure if he is allowed to ask for something after worring them. The two castle residents looked at eachother as if communicating telepathically. After a few minutes they nodded. "As long as Satan is okay with it.", Barbatos explained.

Looking hopeful at the blonde Icarus waited.

"I dont mind. He is good company and expending the knowledge of someone else sounds intriguing."

[spookfished]

media roundup dec 2024

hi everyone :3 another backlog post from december! its always interesting to look back at something that you were super into during finals. haha. during finals week i think i read a romance novel every 2-3 days?

with this, ive read through almost every single courtney milan book that my library has to offer. they are excellent romance novels if that's your thing, but i also watched some fantastic movies and played some really good games :3 once again will be crossposted up on my website at. some point in time

books:

once upon a marquess by courtney milan: m/f romance. judith, a ruined woman from a ruined family, encounters the man responsible for her familys downfall: her childhood friend. i started reading through this series bc of the most recent installment, the devil comes reading. that ones still my favorite but this one is pretty good! the relationships between the worth siblings were really good and the banter was cute :3 i think ms milans strong sideplots come through pretty clear here--the tension of judiths search for her sister was really sad! her every wish by courtney milan: f/m romance novella. daisy is trying to bluff her way into a grant to start her business, but only one person has the confidence to bullshit his way through: her ex. ok idgaf about small businesses so i didnt read this one for a while, but crash (the love interest) is sooo charming :3 the reasons that their relationship fell apart and the way those hurts were resolved felt really good i think. yay! the pursuit of… by courtney milan: m/m romance novella. hunter, a black soldier during the american revolution, is trying to get back to his family. a british deserter with nothing better to do accompanies him. yeah this was cute. not a lot to say about it :3 the charm offensive by allison cochrun: m/m romance which i picked up bc its about a romance between the bachelor (from the bachelor) and a producer on set. (its not actually the bachelor.) very cute! very fluffy! i have to say, not quite as good as uhhhh all of the courtney milan books ive read over the past couple months but still pretty solid. dev is a cute lead but i found the other lead (charlie or sth) kinda annoying for a significant portion of the book. which i think is somewhat intentional but its like ehhh. i can find awkward tech boys irl too. (SPOILERS) liked how the 'evil ex' actually got some nuance to him too mrs martins incomparable adventure by courtney milan: f/f romance novella featuring two women over 70!!!! and its conwoman x mark?? dudeee miss milan NEEDS to write more femslash im kinda begging here. this was really light and fluffy and also just really awesome. there is a lot to appreciate about romance when youre old i think. im really into it 👍 after the wedding by courtney milan: f/m romance. ok so if you read the first book in the worth saga u know a big b-plot is about trying to find judiths sister camilla. this book is about camilla! so spoilers for that. she gets forced into a mutually unwanted wedding, and while the bride and groom try to annul the wedding they ~also grow feelings~. another milan novel with a weird amount of detail on ceramic design + manufacture? well im not complaining that part was really cool actually. camillas situation is honestly just really sad so its satisfying to see her get out of it

what happened after midnight by courtney milan: f/m romance novella. a man chases after his (former) betrothed after she runs away with his fortune? yeah this was cute. loved the melodrama

unclaimed by courtney milan: dnf. f/m romance. a woman has staked her livelihood on her ability to seduce the ultimate target: the inventor of male chastity??? lmao this is one of her earlier novels published in 2011 (i think) and it kinda shows? the premise is a little bit too unserious for me and the banter/dynamic between the main pair is just not quite as good. it also felt like it dragged a bit. however!!!! i would still extremely recommend pretty much all of her more recently published stuff!! so

love on the brain by ali hazelwood: dnf. f/m romance, but its also by the reylo author. this one neuroscientist has to work on a project with a guy who she thinks hates her, but actually he is ~super in love and too shy to say it~ my mom really wanted me to read this bc she likes the author a lot and "it has women in stem". well guys i have to say i am not a fan of the reylo author. honestly out of all the women in the book the lead is literally the least interesting one? idk it was bad. uninspiring prose. also i wasnt really a big fan of the way it focused on chauvinism and discrimination in the workplace, but thats a personal thing

comics/manga:

peace of mind (2019): short furry comic about a cosmetic brain surgeon, and some of the issues she just cant fix. yeah this was cute!!! pretty classic concept but presented in a sillyfun way imo. like literally only 20 pages i thought the art style was cute go check it out if you have the time

yugami kun has no friends: slice of life school comedy about a transfer student desperate to make friends after moving around her whole life who unfortunately gets placed next to yugami, who is THE MOST AUTISTIC BOY IN THE WORLD. i think i read this whole series in like two days lmfao its just?? extremely charming??? i really like these sort of slices of life where you get to gradually expand your cast of characters over time. everyone is sort of an ass but also trying their best in the way that high schoolers kinda are. also has some very fun will-they-or-wont-they. bro i felt straightbaited. also has some really charming art with good expressions! definitely recommend :3

to strip the flesh by oto toda: manga oneshot from an anthology. chiaki, a trans man, works as an animal dissection youtuber but feels trapped in the closet to keep his father happy. idt it hit as hard for me as it might for some people but i still liked it! wow being trans! and being meat!

movies/tv:

blade (1998): marvel action movie about vampires (and the half-vampire sworn to slay them) but like, before marvel moveis were bad. watched this with friends over the thanksgiving weekend and it was so badass!!!!!!! fuck yeah!!!! honestly id forgotten that action movies can be good but they seriously can be. full of style :3 the boy and the heron: miyazaki movie about uh, grief? and isekai-ing into a cool world with freaky stuff? i heard somewhat negative reviews from my Movie Friends before watching this, which definitely colored my impression. yeah its a gorgeous movie, but also kinda messy and not super coherent imo. mr miyazaki please quit your job and spend time with your family ok. log off christmas perfection: f/m christmas hallmark romcom. protag who just wants the perfect (IRISH) christmas is transported to a world of eternal (IRISH) christmas where her parents are no longer divorced, everyone drinks hot cocoa every day, she has the perfect boyfriend, etc. will her childhood friend be able to get her out? does she even WANT to get out? so i got this rec from a post made by @.dragonomatopoeia who is apparently the hallmark romcom expert. dude. this movie is so fucking awesome. its literally christmas coraline. i love how everything is irish for no reason and also the irish. please watch this movie

video games:

zachtronics solitaire collection: ok so this is literally just a bunch of solitaire-like games. zachtronic games is infamous for making games that feel like work (spacechem, shenzhen i/o, etc). they also included solitaire minigames in several of these, which are compiled here! most of these are arent standard solitaire games, like spider or klondike. theres a solitaire based off of kabufuda, a solitaire based on mahjong (but not like that other one.) and also my favorite, tarot-based FORTUNES FOUNDATION!! which gives you a READING at the end!!! anyways i had to uninstall this game because i was spending 20 hours a week on it.

7 billion humans: parallel programming game. in a world where robots have replaced all necessary labor, whats left for mankind to do? well, make up jobs for themselves, of course! ive grown up with tomorrow corporations dry, dark, and corporate sense of humor from world of goo and that continues, of course. a fun set of problems that gets really fucking tricky, especially if you even take the teeniest peek at optimization. also has a lot of QOL improvements from the initial game such as being able to c+p code, line by line debugging, and more! i feel like youre already going to know if this game is for you or not.

in stars and time: rpg game about TIMELOOPS!!! siffrin, an adventurer, gets trapped in a timeloop on the day of the final boss. dudeeeeee ok ive been a fan of insertdisc5s writing/art for like an embarrassingly long time and it was really cool to see it in longform. some of my friends got to see me rending my hair and wailing about this game in real time even! i think isabeau + odile was my favorite non siffrin rship, but im a huge sucker for romance so the siffrin + isa stuff really got me. and in the end i got extremely suckerpunched by Loop Obsession and also every single character + convo was very delightful so who can say!!! i remember seeing some crits saying that the writing felt too 'young' or juvenile--it definitely takes a lot of inspiration from undertale, earthbound and the like, but also i think that like. the jrpg genre As A Whole demands some willingness for like. idk Earnest and Youthful Whimsy. plus i literally am a youth so it didnt bother me lol. the game definitely can feel pretty grindy at times, but its also like…. very ludonarratively accurate? or something like that?? like. you get tired of killing the same stuff + skipping the same convos As siffrin becomes inured to the loops, as they become increasingly estranged from the rest of the party. which is honestly really awesome and captures that rpg grindy feeling like nothing else really does haha. (and theres also quite a few features to ease that friction!) even if you played the demo there are some really good twists still left in there and also i teared up at the end fr. who else thought about loop (loop)

music:

i spent a lot of this month listening to the clod by no party for cao dong and scales by king isis, which ive already talked about! so im going to spotlight a couple tracks + one album ig lol?? grace by idles: this is from idles' upcoming album tangk which im super looking forward to!!!! i love when these guys do slower tracks (such as progress and mtt 420 rr from their previous album) and this is a very nice evolution from that. has a warm but slightly eerie feeling zapper by nanoray: more jungle music!!!! this is the album that introduced me to nanoray bc i knew a guy who would just blast this kind of stuff while cleaning the kitchen. favorites are nekomata '97 and salmon cannon deluxe--i tend to listen to this album in like, airports and stuff or while cleaning? its such such a wall of catgirl-themed sound that its impossible to be anxious :P iron by woodkid: ok so i found this from the playlists for in stars and time that came out before release--specifically, the one for the king? (big villain who wants to freeze the kingdom in time forever) i havent listened to this since before finishing the game and man. listening to the lyrics with additional context is kinda crazy. anyways woodkid is apparently much better known for directing a bunch of music videos such as KATY PERRYS TEENAGE DREAM? but also makes 'chamber pop' which is when, uh, pop music incorporates a lot of classical instruments? anyways i have a lot of fondness for brass (synth or not) in pop music so this was nice <3 so melancholy… so winter…learning that this was also used for an assassins creed trailer did make me like it less unfortunately.

hey whats up. writing about stuff i read a while ago isnt as interesting huh… but i also feel the need to do things in chronological order… oh well :3 the semester starts for me very soon.. how scary. anyways if you finished reading thanks as always! dont forget to stretch your hamstrings. did you know that crab rangoon is named after the city of yangon in myanmar?

[raksh-writes]

<beware, self reflection post incoming>

So. This year has been a tough one.

Feels like it has been tougher than all of those before, ngl, but it's hard to tell how much of it is skeved memory and how much just how strong those feelings are today. But it has been an awful year -- the first half was kind of alright, but the second? Yeah, everything went downhill there.

I slid into one of the worst depression holes ever. I quit my job two months ago, because it has been contributing strongly to that, but remained unemployed and stressed out of my mind because of that and feeling completely listless since. Unmoored. With no purpose whatsoever. It's... not a good place to be. On top of that, I got real sick with covid this week and barely started feeling somewhat better today. Guess it's a suficiently shitty end to an awful year, huh? What hurts, too, is the heart breaking writer's block I got in that second half of the year too.

I wrote barely anything this year, posted even less. Got very disconnected from that part of myself that carried me through the rough times of the previous years -- and maybe that's why it feels worse than ever now, when I had at least that joy back then but it feels like it's been taken from me. It's... rough.

I've always been in the middle of something before too. Always going back to classes, to uni, got a job last year, but now? Well...

I did start taking steps to crawl back to life. Trying to at least. Baby steps.

So, I wanna make a list of those baby steps. The ones Ive already started taking, the ones Im gonna soon, the ones I wanna try to make. Make a path out of them, maybe. So:

Im back to therapy, that's good. Working through new and old stuff, it's definitely helping, but... there's a lot more to work through than I imagined. It's okay, though. I can already tell some of it helped, it's been a good helping hand in digging myself out of this hole - or at least starting to dig myself out.

Im also starting an internship at the job office on monday (hopefully most of my symptoms are gonna be gone by then 🤞). It's a 6 months one, not as well paid as a full job, of course, but it's experience, it's a start, and I can always search for smth different in the meantime. And it's stability a dearly need.

I want to go back to studying too. I found I miss it a lot, having that goal, broadening my mind, etc. I wanna sign for some post-diploma library studies classes in the city where I intern, near where I live. It might not open up, but if it doesn’t, I think I'll try going back for actual Masters. It's something Im actually sort of looking forward too, even if it makes me a lil' anxious.

Been idly thinking about maybe going back to the city. Trying to live on my own again. Study, find a job to pay for it. Might not be quite possible, though, with prices of pretty much everything going up to 3x what they were and still going up. It's an idea for the later part of the year, though, if Id actually try going for it.

Maybe the most obvious one -- I want to write again. And post, too. I miss interacting with readers. Seeing that someone Gets it. That it brings people joy. I miss it a lot. These last months, even if I managed to write a little, I didn't even had the drive to post. No drive for anything, really. Feels like death to a creative soul 😔 So I want to write. And I want to share it. Im still thinking of my Beauty and the Beast Voiles AU -- I have a couple chapters of it done, maybe I could start posting and see where it goes, even if I dont manage to finish it? Then I got obsessed with VegasPete, an amazing ship I recommend to all that like Voiles or just enemies to lovers! I even managed to write some lil bits of them, some I Could post even, but I can’t get myself to... maybe it's a goal for the near future. To break through that block and engage with new fandom beyond just reading and commenting, but trying to contribute some of my own. It's scary, but it might do me good? It'd be nice..

I want to try and do more typesetting this year too, and properly, since Ive been thinking I could maybe do it part time in the future, do a project here and there, but for that I'd have to polish up my skills. Maybe do some smaller projects, that wont take me months to finish like the fics I did lately.

Have my eyes peeled for opportunities and have the courage to reach for them. I want to do library studies and Id love to work in a library one day, but its hard to get into one, so I gotta have my eyes open for any possibility. Or working in a book store, Id love that too. Anything with books, tbh. So, be on the look out. And work on having the courage to reach for it and battling down my anxiety.

Go out and meet with friends I haven't seen in a long time. I think Ive isolated myself a bit too much this year and it definitely hasn’t helped. So I need to try more to get out of the easy, lazy way and go out to meet people.

And that's it, for now, I think. Goals for the new year? Maybe, but being in the place I am, baby steps feel better. Im sure Im not the only one that had an awful year and if you're reading this, feeling the same, I see you. Can’t promise it's gonna get better, but we gotta have hope and try taking those baby steps towards making it better. So, Im not gonna go into elaborate wishes, Im just gonna be simple.

I wish you all good health, because it's so important and yet we don’t appreciate it enough, and also wish all of us courage, especially those struggling. To reach for what we want. To reach for what we fear. To get out of our comfort zones, one baby step at a time. To put ourselves out there. To win over our anxieties. To live.

Im slowly, very slowly, trying to take those baby steps. To crawl back to life. It's hard. And slow. But I hope it's gonna be worth it. It's gotta be better than the misery of last months. So, that's what I hope for in the next year. Taking the baby steps to a better future.

Happy New Year, everyone, and I hope y'all have a lovely last day of 2022 💗

[titoist]

^ listening to ska right now

[indigoh4ze]

party || rafe cameron

warning- SMUT // vaginal fingering, eating out, vaginal penetration, mentions of intoxication

rafe cameron x fem!reader

a/n- so this is my first time writing for outer banks, im terrible at writing actual interactions so im sorry its so bad at first lmao. also disclaimer: rafe in this fic is nothing like he is canon, so his characterization is off. enjoy :)

also feel free to request for any outer banks characters i write for

turn on notifs here - @slvt4fakerealities-library - to be notified when i post a new fic

join taglist (add yourself to the outer banks section)

the lights were blazing, different colors zapping throughout the room as you made your way over to the couch. your head was slightly fuzzy from the intoxication, but you managed.

since the couch was empty, you took the chance to sprawl your whole body out on it, head on one arm and feet dangling off the other. you watched as everyone danced and made out and filled their bodies with even more toxins. soon, you found yourself just dazing up at the ceiling, lips opening and closing slightly as you lip-synced in a whispering tone to the loud music.

after what felt like hours, but could’ve only been a few minutes, you felt something nudge your thigh. without moving your neck, you let your eyes flash down to find the source of the movement.

hovering over you was rafe cameron. his dirty blonde hair framed his face messily, a single cross earring dangling from his left ear, a red solo cup in his hand as his free hand poked at your thigh.

“what?” you slurred, now moving up on your elbows and blinking back the haziness.

“i wanna sit,” he said, taking a sip from the cup. even in this state it wasn’t hard to notice how good the boy looked, tilting his head back and gulping down the liquid, eyes never leaving your own.

you groaned, pulling your knees to your chest and allowing rafe to throw himself onto the cushion. you were now facing his side, as his hands gripped your legs and pulled them back to their original position, except now they laid over his leg. giving him a curious look, you laid the side of your face on the back cushion and fidgeted with the bracelet around your wrist.

“shouldn’t you be like- getting shit faced or something.” rafe snickered at your words, sending you a glare before looking back down to his cup, which he was also mindlessly playing with.

“sorry, did i interrupt your little..nap?” he teased with a hint of amusement, referring to the previous state you were in, and you scoffed in return, mind clearing a bit more and making room for annoyance.

“whatever.” and then, you were pulling your legs off him and standing up, albeit wobbly as you almost fell to the side, caught by rafe’s firm grip around your arm.

“you good?”

“‘m fine,” you dismissed the boy, confused as to why he was even talking to you in the first place.

the truth was, you never liked him, he was rude and careless and selfish and way too much to put up with. but you couldn’t deny the attraction you felt towards the boy, and the tension that was always evident when the two of you were together.

but you always just pushed those thoughts aside, because even the thought of anything happening made your mind whirl with a plethora of emotions, not good ones by any means.

but then, you also couldn’t deny the recurring fantasies of things that could happen. could but wont, because he’s rafe cameron, and not even you’re desperate enough to be one of his bitches.

“hey?” a light tug of your arm pulled you back to the present, and you turned to see rafe at your side, cup forgotten as one of his hands molded around your waist and the other wrapped around your bicep to steady you.

“i’m really fine-.” you pulled away from him, and right as you did so, you felt someone back up on you, pushing you towards rafe and into his chest as a cold liquid spread from the lower half of your head and down your back.

you gasped in surprise, suddenly awake and alert as you sharply turned to see a boy standing there, cup tilted and empty as all its contents spilt on your back. he mumbled a quick apology, then took off laughing with his friends about something they said that probably wasn’t even funny.

“you sure about that?” rafe inquired, eyebrow raised in amusement as you stepped away from him, this time more cautiously. “c’mon, we’ll clean you up.”

although you wanted to say no and tell him to fuck off because you could handle it yourself, you were too exhausted from the long night to put up much protest other than a dramatic groan. then, you nodded, and rafe led you away from the crowd of people with a tug of your wrist.

—//—

now, you found yourself in a bedroom, rafes bedroom, waiting expectantly as you stood in front of the boy.

“what now?” you ask, palming your eyes and yawning, looking back at rafe with glossy eyes now, which were sending waves of tingles through the boys stomach.

“take a shower,” he implied, as if it was obvious. you scrunched your brows as he pointed to the bathroom on the other side of the room.

“i don’t have any spare clothes.”

“i’ll find you something to wear,” rafe shrugged, “go on,” he urged you to the bathroom, and you followed obediently, not having it in you to put up any sort of fight or ask questions.

“i’ll be right back,” rafe said from the room as you closed the bathroom door, only to hear the door to the bedroom close as well, meaning rafe left.

your mind was filled with the thought that he just ditched you, which was a possibility, but you ignored that thought and slipped your shirt over your head. once all the articles of clothing were thrown onto the cold tile floor, along with your shoes which sat messily in the corner, you lift a foot into the tub, stepping in.

immediately, you played with the oddly fancy knobs and managed to turn them on, warm water rushing through the shower head as your tilted your head back into it. the odd colored drink washed away from your hair, falling onto the floor of the tub and down the drain smoothly. you searched for soap, quickly cleaning up and scrubbing your hair twice for good measure. the smell of the soap reminded you of rafe, not surprising considering it was literally his own soap, you told yourself, annoyed by your current thoughts.

the feeling of the slightly cold water hitting your skin was enough to wake you up fully, but you were too lost in the blissful feeling of the water to pay much attention to your surroundings.

that was until you heard the door to the bathroom open, and you peaked your head through the curtain to find rafe, setting a towel on the counter, along with a shirt and a pair of shorts.

“who’s are those?” you questioned, making rafe jump as he realized you were watching him.

“sarah, i just took some from her,” he shrugged, and now you were even more confused.

first, he started talking to you randomly. then he’s helping you stand. then he’s taking you to his room..so you can shower. then he’s getting clothes for you to wear? how much did you have to drink? you started to ask yourself, questioning if this was all you just being wasted.

but it wasn’t, you felt pretty much fine. so there had to be something you were missing.

“just hurry up and change, i’ll be in the other room.” without another glance towards you, rafe left the bathroom, leaving you standing there, wet hair dripping forward from the way you had tilted your head to peek through. you went back to getting the soap out of your hair, rushing a bit more now.

meanwhile, rafe was in his room, just outside the bathroom, sitting on his bed with his head in his hands. what the fuck am i doing? was his only thought.

he was honestly just confused as you were. it started when he saw you laying on the couch, mouth agape as your eyes sketched shapes on the ceiling. you just being there was tempting enough, but after that he just had to make his way over to you.

the two of you hadn’t had many conversations in the past, at least no genuine ones. most were just bickering, to be honest. but, just as you thought, the tension was undeniable. the feelings weren’t one sided, that was for sure.

when he caught you from falling over, you had leaned into his warmth and something almost turned in his stomach, which was quite nauseating on his side. it was annoying how fucking worked up he got around you. his mind would spin with options of what to do with you. did he want to just kiss you, fuck you or annoy you to death? he had no idea, but it was overwhelming, to say the least.

so when he invited you to his room to clean up, he wasn’t really thinking about it, because everything was happening at once. he even searched his sisters room for goddamn clothes for you.

interrupting his inner monologue, a door opened and out came your figure, except you weren’t wearing the clothes he had given you. no, you were just in your towel, actually. your skin looked slightly damp still, but your hair had been fluffed out and dried a bit from the towel.

“what are you- where are the clothes i gave you?” rafe asked, standing hesitatingly.

“dunno, wasn’t my style i guess,” you shrugged, looking around his room casually, taking in the very rafe feel it gave.

rafe just scoffed, messing his hair up and stepping closer. “well, you can’t really go out in a towel now, can you?”

this reminded you that there was still a party going on, although it was muffled and a bit quieter as people began to call it a night.

“then i won’t go out.” you stepped closer, looking up at rafe with an expression of uncertainty, trying to identify the look behind his eyes, figure out what the fuck he was up to. but you saw nothing. if anything, there were just a bit of nervousness hidden there.

“and what exactly do you plan on doing, then? since your obviously so wise.” now his guarded demeanor was back up, though he had taken a step closer so your heavy breaths were hitting each other perfectly, hands close to grazing one another’s.

“i don’t know.” then, another reminder flashed in your mind, and you looked back at rafe, “wait, why are you even here? isn’t this like- your party?”

“well, technically topper wanted a party, i wanted to go to bed and sleep for a year.” you chucked at this, figuring he had already gotten fucked up today and didn’t feel like another party. then, taking a risk, you leaned in just a bit, and rafe didn’t pull back. actually, he pushed forward, bringing his large hands to wheel around your waist, setting fire through your veins.

it was as if both of you snapped at the same time, first eyeing each others lips, then pushing forward and taking said lips between your own. the kiss was hungry and long waited, immense relief flushing through you, which took you both by surprise.

not even a few minutes of this passed by before rafe was tugging at the towel, still clinging around your naked body, droplets of water probably wetting his floor.

before letting the fabric reveal your body, rafe looked at you, pulling away for a moment and looking over your features, silently asking permission. a quick nod was all it took for the material to be ripped off and throw to the side, rafe spinning you both around until the backs of your knees hit the bed and you fell back onto the mattress.

rafe looked over you with a smirk, eyes skimming over each and every detail of your body as if savoring it. a lick of his lips was all it took for your thighs to rub together, anticipation becoming too much as you waited for him.

this obviously pissed him off, because now his hands were tearing your legs apart, exposing your bare cunt inch by inch. “don’t even try to cover this up, got it?”

his voice was demanding, and luring, enough to make you nod, eyes softening in obedience, resulting in a snicker from rafe.

he leaned back in, delving down to leave kisses along your collar bone and suck on the flesh until bruises built against your skin, making you whimper and grab his dirty blond tressed with your fingers.

the sound of your whimpers made rafe go crazy, but he tamed the need inside him long enough to work his way down your stomach, placing teasing kisses down your inner thighs, but not once touching the spot you needed the most attention in.

“please, rafe,” you pleaded, not sure where it came from but gong with it once you saw the way he looked up at you, lust blown eyes and parted lips, waiting to be against your cunt.

“please what, hm? tell me what you want me to do, baby,” rafe cooed, fingers clenching around the inside of your thighs so he could push them apart and kiss your inner thighs, resulting in your back arching and hips begging upwards.

“n-need your mouth.” your face blushed with embarrassment of having to speak the words, but rafe just tsked, one hand moving upwards as he used his thumb to draw circles around your cunt, only passing your folds, earning a cry from you.

“i need more than that, doll.”

“fuck! please, j-just need your mouth on me, rafe, need to feel your mouth on my pussy, please!”

it seems that was acceptable for rafe, his thumb pausing just above your clit, then dragging down, finally grazing over the sensitive bud and stimulating it perfectly. your hips jerked at the sensation, but you grew accustomed to the feeling once he began working in small circles.

soon, his mouth was on your cunt, tracing paths over your folds and rubbing at the nub with a flat tongue, constantly sending shivers through you as you moaned with pleasure. his hands stayed at your side, ring clad finger’s cold against your flesh as his tongue dug inside you and began fucking your hole with no remorse.

the shapes and letters his warm tongue carved into you were almost too much, and when you reached down to rake your fingers through his hair, you fought the urge to push his head down and allow him to bury himself completely between your thighs.

“f-fuck! rafe, oh god, feels so good,” you sobbed, voice becoming louder as he hummed into you, a smirk on his lips, no doubt, from seeing you fall apart for him.

rafe pulled away within a second, licking his lip and keeping his eyes on your cunt, calculating his next move. you watched as he did so, suddenly feeling exposed as he raked his eyes over the slick coating your folds and your clit throbbing painfully through them. you squirmed at the emptiness, about to squeeze your thighs together, but you were too late as rafe brought a hand up, middle and forefinger pushing through your folds and embedding themselves within your walls.

a loud gasp escaped your lips as he did so, and you bit down painfully on the cushion of them as his fingers pumped in and out of you with nonstop speed. rafe looked up at you, his own lips parted beautifully as he watched moans flow easily out of your mouth.

“you like that, baby?” came his husky voice, only intensifying your already great pleasure that ran through your body. you nodded at his inquiry, not able to form coherent thoughts under his gaze. and that was when his fingers made a hook and pressed against your most sensitive part, making you squirm.

his smirk became bigger, and his fingers fucked you harder, a desperate attempt to ruin you right there. then he was leaning down, still pumping his fingers, and began to lick your clit with fervor, flicking the bud and sucking without resistance until your thighs were clenching around his head and you were a complete moaning mess.

“oh fuck- i’m g-gonna come rafe, pleaseplease,” you begged pathetically, having no time to be embarrassed as he hummed, nodding his head while still sucking on your clit, and permitted you to let go.

the orgasm took over in a huge wave, which came surprisingly fast, and the only thing on your mind was the bubbling in your stomach that was finally freed. moans and gasps fell from your lips as you wet his tongue and fingers, and rafe didn’t let a drop go to waste as he lapped up your slick, helping to prolong your orgasm.

hands reaching for his hair in dazed motions, eyes closed and lips parted, you mumbled, “t-too much, rafe,” which was the boys que to give you a final kiss on your clit, then remove his head and fingers from your cunt.

now, rafe stared up at you, swiping a ring clad thumb over his bottom lip, which was glistening with your arousal. his thumb then moved to enter your mouth, and you dutifully took in the digit, sucking with starry eyes, and whimpering when he removed it from your grasp.

rafe rose to his full height, still in his shirt and pants, which were no doubt keeping his hard dick from standing tall. suddenly, you felt that flush arise to your cheeks from your being nude, and you bit your lip and reached a hand out to grapple at his shirt. he took this as a sign to pull the material over his head, then going in for his buckle as well. the sound of the metal clinking as he loosened it from its straps was enough to send you into a spiral of anticipation, eyeing his clothed prick impatiently.

rafe had that smirk plastered to his face still, throwing his belt aside and then his pants, making sure not to go too fast as he tormented you.

you let out a whine as he hooked his fingers around his boxers, not pulling them down fully but revealing his v line. “rafe,” you pouted, and he decided to be nice and let them fall down, now unclothed as he kicked off his shoes and settled ontop of you, marking your chest and neck immediately.

sighing with content, you held him close and let his lips suck on your flesh, until the arousal was too much and he began to grind against you, slowly. your cunt was already becoming slick again as he rubbed against your thigh.

rafe lift himself up to his knees, pumping his cock, the point of his tongue poking out from the side of his mouth in concentration. the image of your breasts on display for him, and your lips parted and chest thumping was enough to make the boy cum on the spot.

he raised a brow at you, making sure you were still okay, and once getting a quick nod, he pressed the head of his cock against your folds. in the next second, he was thrusting into you, earning a loud gasp from you, which he covered with a hand on your mouth.

“shh, ‘m gonna fuck you good, okay? just lay there and look pretty,” he teased, but you nodded, wanting nothing more than to do as he said.

the thrusts started out mild, but soon quickened tempo, hips stuttering against yours as he wrapped a hand around your leg and pulled it over his shoulder. this allowed a better angle, and you moaned with him as he repeatedly pounded into your already sensitive cunt.

you slid a hand down your bouncing breasts and stomach, then to your throbbing clit, soothing it with your gentle fingers before rafe slapped them away, as if saying “mine.”

his own hand went around your propped up leg to thumb at your clit, whilst the other made a path over your hips and breasts, fondling with the mound of flesh and pinching your nipple.

the overstimulation was rushing through you violently, his thrusts becoming sloppy, orgasm at the brink. you watched his head fly back, eyes rolling and mouth a gape, hypnotized by how pretty he looked even when he was fucking you.

“rafe,” you repeatedly mumbled, forming no other words in your clouded mind.

“hm? does it feel good? d’you like the way i fuck you, pretty girl?”

“y-yeah, so good,” you hummed, your own head rolling back onto the pillow, hips thrusting up to meet his and satisfy the hunger that once again boiled in your core.

“i’m gonna cum on your tits, are you gonna be good for me?” he said just as your orgasm was about to wash you away, and you nodded fast, once again wanting to be the best you could for him.

then, you came, waves of pleasure splashing through you before he pulled out, still thumbing your sensitive bundle of nerves, using his free hand to fist his cock which hovered over your breasts.

you held your tits in two shaky hands, squeezing them together and massaging them while rafe came, painting your breasts and stomach until he had milked out every last drop he could. he mumbled yes’s and fuck’s, along with your name until his high died down.

breathing harshly, you set ur sight to the ceiling, deep intakes of air causing the ends of rafe’s lips to turn upwards slightly. he leaned down to place one last kiss on your flushed cheek before letting himself fall onto the mattress beside you.

“let’s clean you up,” rafe said, turning to look at you, “the party’s not over yet.”

uhhhh yeah idk how i feel ab this i hope it wasn't terrible ig. reblogs appreciated :)

@o-rion-sta-r @saggyb1lls @rylynn-m @dobbysockcollection @arcaneslut @arianagreyy @el-imaskingforyourlefthand

[erosofthepen]

Letters From Amad pt.2

After about five months of not knowing how to continue it, i have finished part 2!! There will be a third part, not nearly as long, and i already have most of it written, so it should be out a lot sooner lol. BUT, i hope you enjoy it, and thanks for putting up with me lol.

-Part 1

-Words: 4,898

-Warnings: blizzard/storm, injury, hypothermia, some swearing

-Tags: @grunid, @elvish-sky, @sassyscribbler, @whore4fictionalhoes11, @smaugs-guardian, @bitter-sweet-farmgirl, @jotink78, @marvel-ous-hobbit, @anjhope1, (if i forgot you, im sorry, i have trouble keeping track sometimes)

It was moments like this that reflected Thorin’s terrible decision making. In actuality, his decision to not put anymore lives at risk was very wise. But still, it was Fili who was out there. And Kili. And since Thorin would not send a search party out, it was time to take matters into your own hands.

First things first, you went back to your chambers and put on your warmest, fluffiest, most wind-resistant coat. Rabbit fur covered the insides (the hides were hunted and tanned by Fili, a courting gift to you), and thick leather made up the outside, keeping the cold out and the warmth in. Next, you pulled on your winter boots (you had actually just had them made last week, and there were three little pockets perfect for concealing knives in), as well as a hat, gloves, and a scarf, all knitted by Ori, his way to show gratitude after your help in the libraries. You then proceeded to gather up some salted meat and cram, walk down to the entrance of the mountain, and enter the stables.

You choose a faithful companion to keep you company, namely, Daisy. The Mare had a thick wooly mane, and an extreme proclivity towards sweets. This was not to be your first venture with the pony, and now you knew better to bring him anywhere within five leagues of a bakery. You had not been amused when he had eaten an entire box of pastries meant for you and the scholars, though Kili and Fili had thought it to be the most hilarious of stories. However, despite his tendency to devour pastries, Daisy was reliable and resilient, and you hardly rode any other steed.

Several stableboys tried to dissuade you from leaving in the storm, but you brushed off their remarks as you tacked up Daisy. Thankfully, they didn’t try to block your path as you left, though they did warn you to be careful. You weren’t too concerned, for the storm had grown tamer in the day, and the frost was not biting your face. Yet, that is.

You reached Dale in about an hour. It took much longer than expected, with Daisy being nearly up to his belly in the fallen snow. Dale was practically devoid of men and women, most of them having the brains to stay inside during the storm. The only exceptions were some watchmen and one or two passersby.

“Oi, it’s a bit too cold for a morning ride lady, have you lost all sense?” A guard asked as you were leaving the gate on the other side of town.

“No my good fellow, I'm just looking for my friends. Have you seen two dwarrow come this way?”

“Can’t say that I have, but Maurice said he saw a pair last night, a few hours before the snow started.”

“Did Maurice mention where they were headed?”

“To the caravan, where else? It’s about fifteen miles from here, I would guess. You’re not considering going out there, are you?”

“I’m afraid that I must. Good day to you sir,”

“And a very cold day to you, lassie. Best of travels.”

“And to you as well.”

You quickly left and mentally cursed yourself for wishing him best of travels in return. He wasn’t traveling, you idiot!

The embarrassment faded as the wind began to pick up. The blizzard was steadily getting thicker, the puffy snowflakes turning more compact and icy. The city of Dale had long disappeared behind you in the snow, and you could only hope you were headed in the right direction.

However adventurous and bold it sounds, riding bare-back on a pony in the middle of a freezing cold snow storm was not at all an easy task. Your scarf had been moved to cover most of your face, and your hood was tied tightly ‘round your head, yet the flakes still stung your flesh. You were definitely starting to rethink your whole “making sure the brothers were alright in a storm idea.” Especially since it was pointless to look for them in between the caravan and Dale, as you couldn’t even see ten feet in front of you. Your goal now was to simply make it to the caravan without frostbite.

Around noon, you tried eating a bit of the bread you had packed, only to find it frozen. As well as the cheese. And the dried meat. It wouldn’t do good to gnaw on it either, as that would just make your innards cold as well, so you just went with your stomach protesting.

It was starting to get quite dark when you finally saw what seemed to be a glow in the distance. As you drew closer, it grew apparent that it was the caravan, and you sighed in great relief.

The dwarrow on watch were very suspicious. Of course, once you explained your purpose, they grew less so.

“I come from Erebor, in search of the Princes. Prince Fili and Kili left last night with the intention to travel here, have they arrived?”

The guards started to look a bit nervous.

“No my lady, no one’s seen anything of them.”

Your heart dropped to your feet.

“Are you sure?”

“Aye, the whole group would have known.”

You might’ve cried, but your eyes felt nearly frozen. You turned your pony, with full intent to head back out into the blizzard and look for your love, when one of the watchdwarrow stopped you.

“You’ll freeze out there my lady, as will your pony. Stay and get warm.”

“Aye lass” another said, “Besides, if the Prince’s are out there, her Lady Dís should be informed.”

Ah, that’s right. Dís.

One of the guards led Daisy off to get warm with other animals, while the other led you to Her Ladyship’s tent. He announced your presence, awaited approval, and then lifted the flap of the tent, beckoning you inside before letting it fall behind you.

Dís was a truly stunning Dwarrow, even for her age, with long black raven hair and a beard to match. Some strands were turning silver, much like Thorin’s, and her blue eyes were more piercing than an orc’s. She looked incredibly confused when you walked into her tent.

“Good Mahal lass, what the hell were you doing out in that storm? You must be senseless.” She said, looking up from a book she had been reading and furrowing her brows.

“I was looking for the Prince’s. I should introduce myself, my name is (Y/N).”

Dís’s eyes widened and she stood, showing off quite an impressive height.

“Why would you be looking for my sons out in this storm, (Y/N)?”

“They… Fili left a note this morning, he and Kili were coming to the caravan to see you. The watchdwarrow said they hadn’t arrived.”

The Dwarrowdams jaw went slack for a moment, and then she cursed, banging her hand on a small table that held a bottle of whiskey.

“Foolish boys! Have they no sense? I was to be seeing them in only a few more days, but they could not wait, could they? Och, the beasts!” Dís continued her rant for a while longer, before she turned her gaze back on you.

“And you journeyed out here in the storm?”

“Aye. I could not rest well knowing that they were out in this foul weather. I will be going to head back out to look for them as soon as I’ve warmed up a bit,” you replied, very conscious of the Mother’s piercing stare. She was quiet, until she breathed a worried sigh.

“It’s no use to search out in this weather, lass. Especially at night. Rest here with me, we’ll go searching first thing on the morrow. I must talk with the guards for now, make yourself comfortable, I will return soon.”

And, just like that, Dís left the tent. Her talk was brief, and left you standing dumb in the center of the tent. For some time, you debated on whether or not to go out searching anyways, but the fire was surely inviting, and something in you knew Dís wouldn’t take kindly to you leaving against her wishes.

Your travel bag, heavy and frozen from being exposed to the elements for so long, left your shoulders as you set it down by the entrance. Next came your gloves, and then the outer coat, snow and ice caked on it making your fingers fumble whilst trying to unbutton it. Eventually, it joined your bag, as well as your boots (if you had thought the coat was difficult to get off, the frozen buckles on your boots were torture). After you had stripped the burdensome clothing off, you simply stood in the center of the room, close to the fire. There were blankets nearby, piled near a bedroll, but you dared not touch them, seeing as they belonged to Dís. It was rather awkward, simply sitting in a stranger's (of sorts) quarters, and weren’t sure what to do.

Your eyes did some exploring for you, falling first on the book that Dís had been reading. ‘The Heart of Hrund’. Huh. You recognized the title, from the Great Library, but you knew very little about it. You’d have to read it now. Your eyes then fell to the whiskey bottle. ‘Breaker’s’. Ah. Memories you shared with Kili at the beginning of the journey returned, however hazed they were due to your drunken state. Strong stuff, Breaker’s was. Bofur managed to get his hands on a few bottles from a merchant, and you and Kili had stolen one from him, much to Thorin’s disappointment and Fili’s annoyance (he was upset to be left out of the fun). Your eyes then drifted to a leather-fitted box, beautiful khuzdul runes and designs etched into it, however, before you could get a closer look, footsteps crunched through the snow outside the tent.

Dís and a young dwarrow entered, carrying stew, bread, and a plethora of blankets and pillows.

“Mahal,” Dís started, placing the tray of food down on the little table and grabbing a quilt from the other dwarrow, “Have you just been sitting here freezing? You could have taken a blanket, you know.” She said, wrapping the quilt around your shoulders and moving you to sit down.

“I, er, I didn't want to be rude.” You replied, now sitting cross-legged on the floor. Dís screwed her face at you.

“Lass, it is never considered rude to take a blanket in the cold. Only exception is if someone is already using it.”

You didn’t reply, feeling very uncomfortable social-wise, despite finally starting to warm up physically. Dís grabbed the rest of the supplies from the other dwarrow and nodded at him to leave. As he left the tent, Dís set the other blankets down and started making a bedspace for you near the fire.

“I can help with that,” you said, starting to get up to help.

“Nonsense lass, you get yourself warm.” Dis stood and grabbed the food tray once more. “However, I do request that you eat.” she set the tray down in front of you, and you thanked her, feeling a bit guilty as you started on the stew.

“Uh, have you eaten yet, My Lady?”

Dís scoffed, resuming her work on your bed roll. “Don’t call me that child, call me Amad. I can hardly stand to be addressed in that way by servants, let alone my sons One. But yes, I’ve had my fill.”

Her words shocked you, having only ever heard Fili refer to you as his One. You hardly expected Dís to accept you as Fili’s lover, let alone his One.

“Alright.” You replied, once more feeling dumb and without anything to contribute. So you sat in silence, trying hard not to slurp and watching Dís make up your bed. Eventually, She moved up and away, surveying her work.

“Thank you, that was very kind.” you said. Dís sighed and nodded, sitting down on the other side of the fire. You were quiet once more, and were now re-considering going out to search for Fili and Kili, if only to avoid the discomfort of the situation.

“I hope you are only not talking because of the storm. I expected a much more chatty lass, if i’m being honest.” Dís remarked, eyeing you carefully.

Panic flashed through your eyes as you tried to think of something to say, but Dís let out a soft chuckle before you could make a fool of yourself.

“I’m only joking, child. You needn't be nervous here. Tell me, how was your journey from the mountain to here?”

“Cold,” You blurted out, shuddering as you imagined the wind biting your face. Dís smiled at your bluntness.

“Indeed, I imagine it would be, especially if you’ve been out all day. Tell me, was there any sign of them as you came over?”

You shook your head. “Unfortunately no, I could hardly see past my nose once the snow grew thicker.”

“I swear, those boys will be the death of me,” she muttered.

“Just be glad you weren’t Thorin trying to deal with all three of us,” you said without thinking. Dís locked eyes with you, and then started chuckling.

“I do not envy him, based on what I've read of you three. It seems that you made it your entire purpose to create trouble for my brother dear.”

“Well, we tried to. For the first half of the journey, at least. He was much more willing to withstand our meddling before we crossed the Misty Mountains. Then came the orcs, and goblins, and Mirkwood, Laketown, the dragon… and the battle too.” Your face had fallen whilst you spoke, and Dis reached out her hand to comfort you.

“You mustn't dwell on the hardships of the past, child. It does nothing but cause trouble for the mind. Believe me, I know.”

At that moment, Dís seemed to age very quickly, and the wisdom and experience that this dwarrowdam had became clearer. You knew her story well-enough, from nights Fili had needed to find comfort in you, telling you about his childhood and family. Dís had wed Víli Heptifilissøn, and twelve years after Kili had been born, he had fallen ill from the Black Lung*, and had spent months growing weaker and weaker until he perished. Fili was able to remember the wretched coughing, and his Adad’s ragged breaths, as clearly as the day it happened. It was the reason he refused to go deep into coal mines, or else made up excuses. If those memories still hung onto Fili, you could only imagine how horrible it must have been for Dís, who had to watch her husband suffer such a death. Looking at her now, you never felt more in awe of a single person.

“You speak truly, my Lady-”

She looked at you sharply, but with a twinkle in her eyes.

“-I mean, Amad.”

That satisfied her, and she relaxed her hand away. “I do indeed, child. Never has a lie crossed my lips. Except when I told Thorin that he had a mighty spider in his beard.” You chuckled at that, but it quickly turned to a yawn. Dís raised a brow.

“It’s time for sleep then,” she commented, “I’ll leave you in peace to finish eating, and then it’s straight to bed.” Dís stood and went back to her chair, and resumed her book, leaving you to scoop that last of the stew in your mouth. It was not long before you were warm and cozy in your makeshift bed, and Dís bid you goodnight before blowing out the lanterns.

You woke to shouting. In your groggy state, you couldn’t make out the words, and you blinked in the dim light of the fire.

“What new madness arises?” You heard Dís murmur, followed by the sounds of her fumbling about. The shouting grew nearer. “Are you awake, (Y/N)?”

“Only partly,” you replied, trying to untangle the covers from your legs. You shuddered as the extra warmth left, but hurried to your feet, only stumbling slightly. The noise was becoming considerably louder, and your ears could start to make out the words being yelled.

“Get a healer, lads!”

“He looks frozen stiff!”

“SHOVE OFF! WHERE IS AMAD?” Kili’s furious shout snapped you into alertness. At that moment, Dís was able to find a lantern, and finally the tent’s interior was more visible. The flap in front of the tent lifted, and Kili stumbled in, hair frozen with bits of ice and face bright red. With horror, you realized he was supporting another dwarf who was barely conscious. Fili.

You jumped to your feet and rushed towards your betrothed, supporting his other side and lifting his head. Fili’s lips were tinged blue, and his teeth were chattering bitterly, clacking together in a terrible rhythm. Dís was there not a second after you, and she helped guide you all to lay Fili down in the space you had slept just moments before.

“Strip him down,” Dís commanded, starting to work on his boots. You followed her orders without hesitation, helping Kili with Fee’s coat. It didn’t take too long for the three of you to undress him to his underclothes, and you winced when you saw his shoulder looked… definitely not normal. Dís pressed on it gently, and Fili made a weak groan that twisted at your heart.

“He fell off his pony,” Kili said.

“Of course he did. Kili, fetch a healer.” The younger prince sprang up, filled with energy even after being out in a blizzard for nearly an entire day. But he was hardly at the entrance when a grizzled old dwarrow entered, a satchel in hand and a hard look set in his features.

‘‘Hanarr,” Dís welcomed, nodding her head. The old dwarf grunted in acknowledgement before kneeling down by Fili’s shoulder, feeling along the bone. He grunted once more, before looking up at Kili.

“Hold down right here lad,” Hanarr instructed, moving Kili’s hands to rest on Fili’s other shoulder and chest. “Right, hold it firm.”

Hanarr outstretched Fili’s other arm, and began to move it towards his head. A click sounded, and Fili called out, however weakly. His shoulder looked back to normal again, and Hanarr quickly folded his arm against his chest, before searching through his medical pack and pulling out a sling.

“Sit him up, lad.” the healer instructed Kili. He propped Fili up against his side, and this time, Fili held his own head up, his gaze landing on you. Confusion flitted across his nearly-frostbitten features, and he mumbled your name despite of his state.

But Hanarr was upon him again, and soon the sling was fastened to his arm, and the Healer was moving his legs so that they were tucked against his chest. He addressed Kili once more, “Get rid of yer tunic, and stay close to yer brother” and then turned towards you, “do the same, but mind his shoulder lassie.” Without hesitation, you followed his command and soon Fili was sandwiched between yourself and Kili. Dís (with the permission of Hanarr), wrapped several blankets around the three of you, and soon set to work on making some tea. Hanarr presented her with a root of ginger, and, after seeing that all that could be done was done, decided to take his leave.

“He should be fine in a few hours, I'll come back to check on him soon. Keep him awake.” were his final words before departing.

The silence that followed his departure was intense, interrupted only by the sound of the fire, the kettle, and a knife. Dís was the first to speak.

“I would have your hides, if I was not so glad to see you again.” She said in a low voice as she shredded the ginger.

“I’m sorry Amad,” Kili said, eyeing the movement of his Amad’s knife, “Patience has never been my strong suit.”  Beside you, Fili shifted and rested his forehead against your temple.

“Indeed not,” Dís replied, her voice heating like the water she was boiling, “How did you convince your brother to join you in this endeavor?” Fili moved again, this time nuzzling his face into your neck and hair, his nose startlingly cold.

“Who said it was my idea?” Kili argued. However, Dís turned her glare on him, and He flushed and murmured, “he wanted to see you too, it didn’t take much to convince him.”

“(Y/N)” Fili said, drawing the attention away from arguing. “ ‘m tired.” He let his head rest heavy against your shoulder, and you (reluctantly) moved him away.

“You must wait to sleep, Kidhuzel,” You said, bringing your hand up to brush his hair away from his face. He opened his eyes wider, in sheer betrayal. You could have smiled, knowing Fili’s tendency to become unreasonably cross when denied sleep, but instead you kissed his cheek.

“Your Amad is making tea for you, and when you drink it, you’ll warm right up.” The blond prince’s eyes dropped once more and he tried moving back to the crook of your neck, only to be refused a second time.

“ I’d prefer Ale,” He muttered bitterly. At this, you did allow yourself to smile.

“Not a chance. Your heart might stop.” He grumbled and detached his uninjured arm from Kili, taking your hand and squeezing it with what feeble strength that had returned to his veins.

“It won’ stop as long as you’re ‘ere.”

Kili snorted, but was silenced as Dís sent him another glare, and you laughed softly, shaking your head and squeezing his hand back.

“If it worked that way, then I would gladly give you the finest Ale, however, I do believe tea would be a better option.”

When the tea was ready, you helped Fili to drink it. At first, the prince had winced at the heat, but soon he drank it gladly, becoming more alive with each sip. You sensed Dís watching you and Fili carefully, but brushed it off, telling yourself she was only concerned for Fili, not observing how you interacted. A small part of you that wouldn’t be silenced said it was both. Soon the mug was empty, and it had apparently helped Fili along much more than you anticipated, and soon he had detached himself completely from his brother and was pulling you closer.

“Careful of your shoulder,” you reminded him.

“ ‘s fine.” He replied, pressing flush against you. His skin had already warmed, thus proving the hardiness and hot blood of dwarrow. Kili scooted away, seeing that he was no longer needed, readjusted the furs covering yourself and his brother, and pulled his tunic back on. Dís immediately walked over and threw another fur across his shoulders, and pulled him into a tight hug, which he returned just as tightly. You averted your eyes when Kili started to sniff and tremble.

“I missed you,” he said.

“And I as well, inùdoy” Mother and son stayed in once another’s embrace, until she drew away and made him drink his fill of ginger tea as well.

A half hour later, you were struggling to keep Fili’s eyes open, and Kili had already crashed on Dís’s bedroll. The dwarrowdam herself grew impatient for Hanarr’s return, and had gone out searching for him. She reentered the tent with him not ten minutes later, and Hanarr (as grumpy and irritable as he was, he was an excellent healer), inspected Fili. Truly, your prince was proof that dwarves were nothing more than portable furnaces, and his temperature was more or less back to normal. He still was a bit out of it, but it was nothing a good night’s sleep wouldn’t fix. Soon Hanarr declared that it was safe for Fili to sleep, and almost immediately, the blond sank into your bedroll and began to snore.

Diís left after Hanarr, telling you to rest and call her if need be. You didn’t question where she was going, and she did not share it with you.

However tired and exhausted you were, sleep would not come. You sat in front of the fire for hours, feeding it and stoking it, keeping your mind entertained with the images dancing in the flames.

You had just finished adding another log to the fire, when a hand lightly gripped your wrist.

“Ghivashel” Fili said faintly. Your head turned towards him, and you smiled despite all things; for while Fili’s face was still red, his hair undone, and his eyes bleary, he was alive and conscious.

“Khuzd allakhul” you scolded, bending down to lean your forehead against his, “What sort of prince are you, to go out in the snow and frighten your lover?” You kissed his lips softly before drawing away just enough to wait for his answer.

“A very foolish prince indeed,” He murmured, his hand on your wrist pulling you back towards him. “But what sort of lover are you, to worry so greatly and come after me in the snow?”

“A very devoted lover, who has half a mind to leave now that you’ve insulted my care of you.” Fili’s eyes widened and he summoned his strength to pull you down, nestled in his side.

“Forgive me, I was not thinking of insulting you, amrâlimê. I just don’t want to see you suffer for my sake. Menu Tessu.” He said, turning his head to press a kiss to your temple. The beads on his mustache braids still felt frozen, but his lips were warm. You smiled and took his hand, entwining your fingers together.

“All is forgiven. So long as you won’t do anything as stupid as that ever again.” you replied. Fili sighed and kissed the side of your mouth.

“I shall try my very hardest not to.”

“That isn’t very reassuring.”

“Then you must forgive me once more, for I cannot make such bold promises whilst Kili remains my brother.”

You both chuckled at this, before settling into comfortable silence. Slowly, your eyes began to drop, the crackling of the fire and the steady rhythm of Fili’s breath making it harder and harder to evade sleep. The fact that the lion prince had begun to rub circles into your shoulder with his thumb wasn’t helping. After the third time you startled yourself awake, Fili’s voice was near your ear.

“You can sleep now, Amralime. I won’t be going anywhere.”

His words were nothing short of a spell, and in less than a minute, your eyes closed and sleep overtook you, a comforting, dreamless sleep, the best kind.

When next you woke, indeed, Fili was still right next to you, awake, but only just. He was blinking the sleep away, and you suspected that his movements had been what had woken yourself. Cold winter light was shining through the tent flaps, cutting like a blade through the warm glow that filled the inside, and a conversation was taking place.

“We left in the wee hours, m’lady, just before dawn. You can imagine the state Thorin was in when he heard that the entire future of Erebor was out in the snow.” The voice of Dwalin more than successfully brought you to awakeness, and you sat up, looking around for the source of his voice.

“Indeed, I imagine he would be weathering the floors with pacing. I expect we’ll be leaving soon, no?” Now Dís spoke, and by this point, you and Fili had turned behind you to see the pair talking over mugs of mulled wine. Kili was also there, however, he was still dreaming on Dís’s previous sleeping roll, limbs sprawled out wide and mouth hung open almost comically.

“Aye, as soon as these three are dressed and ready.” Dwalin said, turning his gaze onto you and Fili, brow raised and the slightest of smiles on his warrior face. “What a lot of worry you and your brother had us in,” he continued, addressing Fili specifically, “I swear to Mahal, you’ve no idea what sort of panic you caused. Course, when yeh come back with your shoulder like that, everyone’ll be doting on yeh. ‘The poor heir who got caught in a blizzard trying to see his Amad’, not ‘the fucking idiot who didn’t have any patience and went out in the night despite knowing there was a storm brewin’.” But all while saying this, there was humor and relief in the warrior's voice, betraying how glad he felt that the boys were not frozen under three feet of ice and snow.

“Both versions are correct,” Fili pointed out, his voice still croaky from sleep.

“Aye, but only the first version will get told.” Dwalin replied, to which you laughed. He turned his focus to you now. “Don’t think you’re innocent lass, Thorin nearly had a heart-attack when we couldn’t find you. Both the heirs missin’ was bad enough, but the lady who’ll be adding to the heirs disappearing made it all worse.”

“Och, Dwalin, she had a noble cause to come out in the snow, you needn’t blame her for anything.” Dís said, coming to your aid.

“Was our cause not noble and justified?” Kili’s voice piped up. The Prince's eyes were hardly opened, but he was more than ready to defend himself from accusations.

“Not when you were to be seeing me in less than a week. If I was able to refrain myself from going out into a blizzard in the late hours, you should have been able to as well.” Dís retorted. A sour expression crossed Kili’s face, but he dared not argue with his Amad.

“Right then,” Dwalin said, “Get yourselves up an’ ready, we’ve not much daylight left to get back to Erebor.”

*Black Lung: Coal miner’s pneumonia. 

Kidhuzel: Gold of Gold

Inùdoy: Son

Ghivashel: Treasure of Treasures

Khuzd allakhul: Stupid Dwarf

Menu Tessu: You mean everything to me

(part three will be out soon)

[the-ghost-king]

I think ao3 has kind of spoiled me in the same way, because I can not only consume content im already predisposed to like, I can filter for very specific aspects and tropes as well. I wish goodreads and the like would work like that too, instead of having to search through lists curated by other users.

Alright I've got a lot to say....

(TLDR: It just gets really exhausting to feel like you + people like you are objects to be commodified and marketed to certain demographics.)

I see both sides of it because I definitely don't want book stores or libraries to be sortable by some of the tags we use on ao3. However, I wish there was something like goodreads that did that as well.

Like I'm cool with reading books that just have a decent plot but sometimes I do want a specific aspect of a character. The problem I have with YA a lot of the time is that whatever aspect that is becomes the only point of the character or plot.

For example searching for books with a trans protagonist always ends up with a narrative that uses transphobia for its progression. It's either a) a coming out story about overcoming internalized transphobia, b) a story about someone being outed and coping with that, or c) trans character with a romance plot but they're not sure if the other person will be okay with them being trans/the other person is transphobic and "overcomes it".

Which as a trans person just gets really exhausting. I want a trans character who their transness has very little relevance to the story sometimes, and my inability to find that becomes exhausting. I deal with transphobia everyday and I'm not interested in (often) non-trans authors turning my everyday pain into a plot line or a trope. Sometimes I can get over it, but other times nope.

Even sometimes when a trans author writes that sort of book I just... On top of everything else it's too much.

I want a trans character who just happens to be trans and it's an important aspect of their character but not a plot point. A son has to stop his father from unleashing a robot he made on the world but he only has 24 hours to do so, and we only know he's trans because of childhood flashbacks. Someone becomes a top selling rap artist and they fall for a country singer and it's only mentioned they're trans when they originally come out to a very uneventful reaction, and later on when they win the artist of the year award. A woman who writes news stories and travels the globe to tell these stories who isn't able to return to her home country for some reason and her being trans is only relevant because her transition made her want to live life to the fullest and then it is literally never mentioned again.

This doesn't mean that someones marginalized status can never be a plot point. There's a book "A Place Called Winter" where the main protag is into men. The story however is about homesteading. What happens is he ends up sleeping around with a male friend/colleague (don't remember sorry lol) and he gets caught by his brother in law who gives him an ultimatum. Either leave his wife and daughter to go live in Canada, or the brother in law is going to tell his sister what her husband has been up to. However the entire novel is about the reader trying to figure out how and where he ended up in an asylum- and, a bit of a spoiler, it's not because he's into men. So while his gayness has an impact on the story, it's not the central plot and at a certain point we are able to move beyond it.

Maggie Stiefvater (for better or worse) did manage to create a series where one of the main characters sexualities is really only relevant because he is attracted to another main character. His sexuality is never a point of conflict within the series, and neither is his (eventual) boyfriends sexuality either. However the actual plot is a bunch of kids looking for a dead Welsh king in a magical forest in Virginia. On top of this she manages to fit in disabled representation into a main character as well, in a way that doesn't feel forced.

While I've never read the book, The Sun is Also a Star is a movie I have seen. The protagonists are both racial minorities, who end up in an interracial relationship + one is an immigrant. It is absolutely a central part of the plot because it has to do with how they meet and where the go at some points. However the more central part of the plot is that they have 24 hours to fall in love. They just both happen to be minorities.

And while neither of those books are peak representation. The first full of a not-insubstantial amount of racism, and the second not much better. They do manage to do something so rarely done. And tbh it's a lot more interesting and a lot harder to find these sorts of things than it should be.

When I google "books with a Jewish protagonist" online or "books with a trans mc" I'm fine if some YA comes up, or some books where those aspects are central plot points comes up. At the same time though, I should be able to find a list of books with a Jewish protag where it's 1) not YA, 2) doesn't take place during ww2, and 3) doesn't necessarily always need to be a major plot point. That specific search always has returns that meet the first 2, and when it meets the 3rd one it's often a very forced relationship to Judaism? The author obviously designs the character to make them Jewish and then adds the personality in later, rather than designing a character and they happen to be Jewish as well. Or they start their design of a trans character of "wouldn't it be interesting if this character was outed in an extremely traumatic way? That would be fun... Should they be an introvert or an extrovert?"

It just gets really exhausting to feel like you + people like you are objects to be commodified and marketed to certain demographics. Then to turn and see "allys" upholding those books as "peak rep" for a group they have no right to be talking over or deciding things for (ex: girls on tik tok determining what m/m book they like best on tik tok.... etc ).

So yeah, in short I agree, it would be nice to have community ability to curate such lists and collections because then it would be like "oh hey someone in this community obviously made this" or something... The problem you're going to end up having (and idk how to prevent that) is people doing what I mentioned above, uphailing things as "the best ever!!" and those getting voted to the top by people who just want the certain character dynamic or aspect of a character... Rather than like a good mixture of different types and qualities of representation?

[3mmafr0st]

Remember Me Part 3

Previous Part <-------> Next Part

Bucky Barnes x Reader Summary: Y/N has escaped, but where does she go from here?  Word Count: 1.5k (Sorry this ones a little short)

Warnings: Homelessness, a striking lack of Bucky, but soon my friends, soon, ANGST, reader not understanding computers very well A/N: Im apologizing for the lack of smut in this part, but I really like following the canon

I was woken up abruptly by a quick jab to the ribs, quickly waking up and going into action. I grabbed the object and twisted it away.

“Hey, I’m not looking for a fight here, just wanted to make sure that you didn’t overdose on whatever you were on last night.” I looked up to see the older man that had talked to me the night before. He was in his forties and dirty looking, but had kind eyes, shielded by a pair of small glasses. “Can’t have the cops pokin’ around here, bad for everyone.” I got up from the wet grass, wiping myself off from anything that may have gotten on me. 

“For the record, I wasn’t high.”

“Could have fooled me.” I shook my head, rolling my eyes. He couldn’t have understood the intensity of the situation that I was in. Hydra was probably after me, and I had no idea where to go or what to do about it.

I couldn’t help but think about Bucky, what happened to him and where he was right now. He had to have gotten out, right? He was a better agent than I was, simply in physicality. He had the capability to escape, we would find each other. But how had they found us out? There must have been some sort of suspicion, something that tipped the higher ups off about what we were going to do. How could I have been so careless to allow someone to find out the plan. But that was the past now, I had to focus on what happens next. 

“Where’s the closest library?”

I walked down the sidewalk toward the library, trying my best to blend in, looking inconspicuous against the crowd. I was lucky enough that the closest library was only two blocks away, I was already a little tired from last night with everything that happened. 

I looked to my left, and sure enough, there was a quaint little library that looked cozy. I shook the handle and pushed at the door, thankful that it was open earlier than most places. 

The walls were covered in children’s drawings. I knew I shouldn’t be wasting time, but the entire thing was so uncanny, so unabashedly civilian, something I hadn’t experienced in who knows how long.  At the small front desk sat a woman, maybe in her thirties with a small name tag.

“Hello miss, anything I could help you with today?” She smiled sweetly at me, welcoming me into the library. 

“Actually, do you guys have computers that the public can use?”

“Yes, they’re right over in the corner.”

“Thank you, also, do you happen to have some paper and something to write with?” She turned around, picking some paper and a pen up and handing it to me. I returned her smile and headed over to the out of date computers sitting at the back of the room. 

I turned the old thing on, a sound a little bit like music coming out of the speakers as it booted up. It was then that I remembered that although I’ve shoved a flash drive in one of these and let things happen until it said “COMPLETE,” I wasn’t too familiar with computers .  Sure I had wanted to work with those beautiful machines, simply being left alone with one for an hour with a manual and figuring out all of it’s secrets. I had no idea what in me was pushing me so much towards them, but it was there.

Once the machine turned on, I looked at the display. Luckily, it wasn’t too difficult to figure out, there were only two little icons on the screen, and the one that looked like a little trash can was probably not what I wanted. The other was a little colorful circle called “Chrome.” Personally, I didn't see what was chrome about it but I clicked it, and a screen popped up. The word “Google'' was written across the middle of the screen along with a small bar with a picture of a magnifying glass at the left side. 

It took me a minute, but I figured out what I needed to do. The first thing that I could think of to search for was Bucky. I typed his name into the search bar and pressed enter, and tons of results flooded the screen.

The problem was that I didn’t know any of the concrete facts about him. I knew that his name was Bucky, and how he was sweet and funny even though we’ve both been through so much, but I didn’t know his last name, or when he was born, or even how old he was. 

There was a little tab called images that made the most sense to me. If I could find a picture of him in the pool of “Bucky”s that existed in the world, I could find out who he was, and then hopefully, figure out who I was from there. There were many pictures, at first it was overwhelming, but as I scrolled slightly, I found it, found him. 

He looked younger, more innocent, with a short haircut and a blue leather jacket that made me swoon a little bit. He looked different, but I couldn’t mistake those beautiful blue eyes. I clicked on the picture, which led me to a sight called Wikipedia, with his photo in the corner. 

“James Buchanan Barnes, born on March 10th, 1917, was a member of the Howling commandos and best friend to Steve Rogers (Captain America).”

I continued reading, writing down the important bits , how he was tested on by HYDRA way back in 1943, and how he was supposedly killed after falling from a train. But he couldn’t have died, I didn’t know him back then, I knew him now. 

The name Steve Rogers continuously popped up, so I clicked on it, and was flooded with even more information. Once I had everything I had to know written down after the rabbit hole I had been down, I turned to the librarian to ask her one last question.

“Do you think you could give me directions to Avengers Tower?”

I would have preferred to take a cab but I couldn't without money, so walking 20 blocks was my only option. The tower was huge, and I found it much too easy to walk right in. There were people walking and sitting at tables in the lobby, working at filling out paperwork. I went up to the desk, not allowing them to get a word in before I could say what I needed to. 

“I need to speak with Steve Rogers.”

“Ma’am, if you just give us a moment, we can help you.”

“No, you don’t understand, everyone here is in danger, Bucky is in danger.” A man in the back stood up, walking towards me to get a better look at me. His hair was graying and his glasses filled up most of his face. He looked pale, as if he had just seen a ghost. 

“Y/N?”

“Get this shit away from me! I told you, I need to talk to Steve Rogers, he’s the only one who will understand.”

“Y/N, I know you don’t remember but we need to do some tests.”

“Please, just get me in touch with him!”

The lab, I’ll admit, was friendlier than most that I had been in. The room was filled with computers and scientific equipment that I really wanted to go and play with for some Rita’s on. There were nodes stuck to my forehead that were oddly gentle, but I still didn’t like the feeling.There was a small TV connected to the ceiling showing the news. A woman’s voice was heard over the mess that was being filmed. 

“In breaking news today, wanted fugitive from S.H.I.E.L.D., Captain America, has been spotted in Washington D.C. battling with a masked stranger in the middle of the highway. “

I  looked to the screen and immediately recognized him, It was Bucky, my Bucky, fighting it out with Steve Rogers. He had taken off his goggles, the two of them fighting with an intensity that I had never seen before. The only person that could match Bucky in a fight like that was me, so this was damn impressive. 

“There! There he is, you need to get me to Washington D.C!”

“Y/N, you need to calm down, we need to help you first.” A second man began to get near me, pulling the leg of my pants up, exposing the metallic nature of my left leg. I panicked and kicked the man away, sending him across the room. 

“I don’t need help, I need to get to Washington D.C., and how the hell do you know my name?” I pushed the man off of me and got up, trying to get out of the lab. I had almost made it out of the door when I felt a sharp pain in my neck. I immediately felt woozy, falling back into the chair closest to me.

“It’s gonna be ok, Stats, I’m gonna take care of you,” The graying man from earlier said, helping me back into the lab chair from earlier with music less resistance than before. My vision got spotty, as his wistful, almost bittersweet facial expression was the last thing I saw before total blackness.

[wintrcaptn]

Sparks Fly 2 | Fred Weasley

Part One

It had been a few weeks since the night in the library. The night that changed everything. It had become the beginning of something you weren’t quite sure what to make of it.

Everyday since, you were consumed by your thoughts of Fred. His adorable smile, the sound of his contagious laugh. You couldn’t help but think of him almost every second of the day.

The thoughts were distracting, causing you to zone out and miss everything around you. And when you weren’t thinking about him, you were busy staring at him; in the halls, in class, out in the field.

Who would’ve imagined that one night could cause so much trouble?

It was frustrating to say the least.

Fred wasn’t someone you ever pictured yourself growing feelings for. It wasn’t that long ago that you didn’t even care for him at all.

Part of you wished you could go back. It was so simple then. Only worrying about yourself and your friends. But here you were, too distracted over a boy who surprised you.

The thing is, you weren’t the only one confused by the sudden change.

Fred hasn’t been able to shake it either.

It was quite strange, he started to notice you more around school. In the halls, he would absentmindedly search to find you.

And the moment his gaze stopped on you, he couldn’t help but curve his lips into a smile.

“So who are you going to ask to the Ball?” George asked his brother.

Fred cleared his throat, returning his attention back, and shrugged. “Haven’t thought about it.” He lied.

The very moment the Yule ball was announce last week, he immediately thought of you.

“Well, better get to thinking, before there’s no one left to ask!”

The boys continued walking, and as they passed you, your eyes met Fred’s.

It was as if something had sparked inside of you. Creating your body to grow hot by the second.

He flashed a soft smirk, just enough for you to notice, making you fluster just a bit.

What was it about this Weasley boy that had you so wrapped up?! How did he have so much power over you from just one night,?!

Immediately, you forced yourself to look away and pretend not to even notice. Though, you were pretty sure it was too late.

Fred was able to see the quick shyness in your eyes just before you looked away and all he could do was smile wider.

In that moment, he realized something new...he enjoyed making you fluster.

“Y/N!” A voice called out for you, grabbing yours and Fred’s attention.

“Oh, hey Cedric.” You said.

Cedric was one of the first people you met at hogwarts. Mainly because the train had been quite packed for the most part.

Ever since, he would always sit by you on the train to catch up on things.

He was sweet, and funny. Probably the only guy that actually paid any attention to you...well until that night with Fred of course.

Fred stopped near the end of the hallway, his eyes jumping from you to Cedric then back.

He didn’t seem to like the way he smiled at you, or the way he stood close, just inches away from your face.

It was weird, feeling this way. And honestly, it was confusing to say the least.

“May I walk you to class?” Cedric asked. “I wanted to run something by you.”

You glanced at Fred for just a moment, but immediately looked back at your friend once you realized he was already staring.

“Sure.” You muttered. “Im all ears.”

With that, the two of you began to walk in the opposite direction of Fred. He kept his gaze on you for some time just until you were no longer visible, and suddenly he was finally able to let go of the breath he didn’t realize he was even holding.

The thought of you and Cedric made him nauseas. He didn’t like it. He didn’t like the attention you were giving him.

“I think I’ll ask Alicia Spinnet.” George muttered, snapping Fred out of his daze.

He didn’t even glance at his brother before he walked away, leaving Fred by himself with his thoughts.

Though, at this time he didn’t seem to mind. He was preoccupied with other things.

Why the hell can’t he stop thinking about you?

——

In McGonagall’s class, Fred spent most of it gazing at you. Well the back of your head.

He liked the way your hair fell, and the way you mindlessly chewed on your lip when you focused on something.

It was cute. And all he could think in that moment was how bad he wanted to taste those lips.

You answered almost all the questions without hesitation, just like Hermione. And didn’t care about anyone else who happened to be talking about you behind your back.

It’s happened all your life, and you were used to it by now.

“Does she ever shut up?” Pansy hissed, rolling her eyes. “Guess that’s what happens when you don’t have any friends.”

You shot your gaze at her, “Careful, wouldn’t want anything to happen to your hair again now would we?”

Giggles echoed around the room, even Fred couldn’t help but chuckle from Pansy’s expression. It was hilarious to see how quickly you fought back.

Again, Fred loves a girl who can fight her own battles.

And before he realized, the class was over.

As you were grabbing your books to head back to your room, Fred decided to break the silence and go up to you.

The past few weeks of constantly thinking about that night in the library had caused him to draw more to you, and it was beginning to drive him crazy.

“Got any good snacks?” Fred asked, standing in front of you.

You couldn’t help but slightly chuckle and shrug. “Always.” You stated, opening your bag for him to see.

Fred chuckled along with you, his stomach churning from being nervous. Something he never really experienced before.

“I-I saw that prank you pulled last week on Filch.” You exhaled, pushing a strand of hair behind your ear. “It was almost as good as mine.”

He flashed a smirk, cocking a brow up in surprise. “Oh trust me, there’s a lot more where that came from.” He winked.

Butterflies. Or so it felt, in the pit of your stomach, fluttering like crazy. You could only grow hot by the second.

Clearing your throat, you tried to ignore the feeling. “That’s cute. Let me know when you’re ready to play in the big leagues.” You winked back at him.

That little sass of yours only made him draw to you more. His smile growing bigger at the edges.

Being there with you, no care in the world, he felt whole. Almost as if nothing bad could happen.

If he could, he would spend all day there with you.

“You know, for what it’s worth—“ he stopped mid sentence, crossing his arms over his chest. “I consider you my friend.”

You were taken a back by his sentence, bot knowing what to say or do. Was this his way of telling you that he only saw you as just that? A friend?

It honestly bummed you out, part of you wishing you didn’t have these feelings to begin with, while the other just wanted to cry.

“Just saying.” He said, licking his lips nervously. “You’re sort of brilliant, actually.”

Swallowing hard, you forced a smile and tried to pretend that you weren’t bothered by his words, though, oblivious...he wanted to tell you how he truly felt. He just didn’t know how to. And for that, he knew he would forever regret this moment.

“Uh oh, don’t get all sappy on me now, Weasley.” You smirked.

“Never.” He said.

[jadedxrealityw]

-Fairy Tale Love- Draco Malfoy x Female Reader

     Kody: Im kinda dying inside, because i can’t seem to think of any good ideas for stories, so sorry this hella sucks.

     Summary: Draco has found a new spot in the library and sees someone else has to. He strangely finds comfort in there presence.

     Warning: Super fluff, your heart will not handle it. 

     House: Slytherin

      ♡~🐍~♡

       It had been hard for Draco to ever find peace and quiet in Hogwarts. He was either surrounded by his loud ‘friends’ or Potter and his trio of Gryffindors. Sometimes he wanted to escape it all. One day while browsing the library for a potions book he spotted a small light. It looked like it had been coming from the bottom of the shelf.

       Out of curiosity, Draco had walked over to the book shelf and pressed his hand against it. A click was heard and he watched as the shelf slided into the wall. He jumped back a bit and pulled out his wand. Hogwarts wasn’t the safest place by all means and merlin knows what was behind this shelf. 

       When only came out to attack him, Draco pocketed his wand and took a small step forward. He leaned in to peek inside and saw a small room. It had to black sofas leaning against one wall, each had a table in front of them. To the left was a desk with a floating lantern above it. Next to said desk had two shelving units, one with unused parchment, quills, and ink jars. The other with novels and books.

       He turned to his right to see a H/L H/C haired girl sitting in a black loveseat. She had her legs tucked into herself as she held a book in her hands, as she flipped a page in her book her eyes strayed away from the words and to the blond slytherin. The girl squeaked as the book fell from her hands, landing with a thud “I guess you found my little getaway”

       Draco blinked a couple times, trying to process her words. “What the bloody hell is this place?” he asked, stepping into the room. The shelf closed behind him “It’s one of Hogwarts many secrets i suppose” The girl said, she stood up from the loveseat and reached down to collect the book she dropped. The blond Slytherin gave her a confused expression when she stood back up.

       “It’s just a secret room only Slytherins can access” She says in a quiet tone as she set her book down on the table, crossing her arms over her chest. “I found it a couple months ago while searching for a charms book” she explained further while Draco walked around the room, inspecting the shelves, books, sofas, etc. 

       He turns his gaze from the quill he had picked up to the girl “Who are you?” he asked “Y/n L/n” she replied rather quickly making Draco grin in slight amusement. “How come i’ve never seen you around?” he questions more, going over to take a seat on one of the sofas. “I’m usually here, i only leave when its curfew. I’m also not that noticeable” Y/n laughs lightly, pushing a strand of hair from her face.

       Draco listens, taking into account of her rather shy behaviour. It was strange, but he knew not everyone was out going and such. “Well, i see why. Its quiet and peaceful. With no one around to bother you” Y/n could tell that he needed a safe pace like this. It’s how she found it “Well, you're welcomed to stick around if you like? Not like i can control you, Malfoy” She lets out a giggle.

       “You know my name, L/n?” he asked with a small smirk, thinking she was one of his many admirers. “I heard your name from Pansy Parkinson, she talks quite loud. I also go to quidditch games, your the seeker for Slytherin and well i’m in your house” her answer made Dracos cocky smirk drop “You observe a lot, don’t you?”

       Y/n nods, swaying on the heels of her feet “Yeah i suppose, i’m not good talking to people, so i watch” shrugging her shoulders she sits on the same sofa, leaving a gap between the two. “You seem to be talking to me just fine” he comments, leaning back in the sofa. He could see the cogs turn in her mind as she wondered as well why he was so easy to talk to.

       “I don’t know, maybe it’s because you don’t talk loud. Loud people make me nervous” Y/n shrugging of her own answer. Draco hummed in response before leaning over to pick up her book “Interesting read?” he said and he saw sparks light up in her eyes.

       “Oh it’s great. It’s about this prince, he hides behind a mask because he doesn’t want to disappoint his family. Then one day he finds this girl, she’s not a princess, a village girl and kind of lock herself away from the rest of the world because she’s to scared to let anyone in. I haven’t finished it yet, but i hope they get together” Y/n gleamed with happiness, making Draco’s permanent scowl twitch int o a slight smile.

       “Why do you want them to be together, wouldn’t that go against everything his family believes in?” Draco asked, curious to hear his answer. Y/n’s brows furrow as she thinks “Well, he went looking for peace in his own chaotic world and found her. She brought him a happiness like no other that he was really to risk it all just to be with her”

             ♡~🐍~♡

       Weeks went by of Draco coming to the secret room to meet Y/n. They’d talk about anything that came to mind. The slytherin had grown to like her company. The way she spoke could calm him from any anger. The way her eyes gleamed could melt his cold heart. Her laugh, smile, hell even her weird habit of picking at her nails. It was perfect.

       Those skills would be put to the test today. It was a calm day, a perfect day when Potter and his friends had to be there. He tried to ignore them, he really did, but when Potter started to talk about how Slytherins were a terrible house, his mind went to Y/n and her beautiful smile and he broke, grabbing Harry by his collar and slamming him against the wall.

       “Draco!�� his heart thumped. No. She couldn’t see him like this. Not the monster he really was. He could see you from the corner of his eyes, he didn’t dare to look further. You never raised your voice, he didn’t like it. Draco let go of Harry and watched as he scurried away with his friends. People were staring now as well. Y/n grabbed Draco’s hand and like a lost puppy, led him to your hideout.

       When the shelf closed she let go of his hand, watching as he sat on the sofa. Y/n slowly sat down next to him “Want to talk about it?” she asked in a soft whisper. He shook his head and looked at her in shame “Why are you still being so nice to me?” she looked at him confusingly and smiles “What do you mean?” 

       “Didn’t you see, i’m a monster Y/n. I hurt people that’s who i was raised to be!” He got louder by each word, causing Y/n to shift uncomfortably in her seat. He noticed and let out a stuttered sigh. “Remember that book you told me about?” he asked. Y/n nodded slowly, unsure where this was going “Of course i do, why?”

       “What happened to them?” he asked, his voice cracked slightly “Well, one day a man had called the village girl bad names and the prince challenged him to a duel, which neither won because the village girl broke it up. The prince was very upset because the village girl had seen the worst side of him.” She explained. Draco listened to every word intently. 

       “Did she forgive him?” “Well of course she did, she knew that he only meant well behind his action. Plus she was stupidly in love with him” She laughed quietly. She noticed Draco’s hands start to shake a bit and grabbed one, gently squeezing it. Without second thought, Draco tugged her hand causing her body to lean against his and slammed his mouth onto her’s. 

       It was a quick and he pulled away right after. Y/n had a frazzled look on her face and leaned back “That happened in the book as well...” she said, a smile then graced her lips “Twice actually”  before turning into a cheeky grin. draco laughs quietly “Oh really?” he asked. She nods as she leans into him 

       “So kiss me, my prince” and with that they shared a sweet kiss. all of Draco’s worries washing away at once as he found home in the arms of a girl he would have never have found if he wasn’t searching for a peaceful getaway....

      ♡~🐍~♡

       Kody: I really can’t tell if i hate this or not. It’s so cheesy lmao, but hope you enjoyed nonetheless.