#what if you're just judging other people unconsciously

[chaotic-history]

i am. thinking about the barbie movie

[pettydollie]

˚♡ ⋆｡˚ my girl tf?

summary: bakugou's friends think you're just a joke wc: 1.3k

"morning, bakugou-kun!"

katsuki's friend left a friendly slap his back as greeting. he simply nods in response as he entered the classroom with people crowding around him. his gaze softens as he sees you sitting at your desk going over notes.

you look so calm and sweet. that's something he loves about you. your aura. you're always gentle and it just makes katsuki love you even more. the two of you were in an established relationship as of last friday where he asked you to be his girlfriend.

but since then, nothing had really changed. except now, he gets to kiss you and hold your hand like a lovesick puppy. he gets to call you "baby" and "cutie", names that he refrained from calling you when you were just friends.

you nod your head unconsciously as your eyes scan the page in front of you. you had headphones in, understandably as bakugou's friends were very ehm loud.

the only thing that hadn't been discussed yet was how you felt about school. does he get to show you off? should he pretend you're just friends? he decides for now, he'll play dumb and act like your close friend.

he walks over to his desk, sits down, and leans forward to tap you on your cheek with his finger. you grin, turning around and pulling off your headphones. "mornin'" he greeted, forcing himself not to wink at you as his friends were watching.

"hey," you spoke softly. GOD YOUR VOICE IS SO CUTE. he taps your cheek again. "i gotta ask you somethin'." he muttered, staring into your eyes. you nodded, edging him to go on. "how d'ya feel about all this? d'ya want me to pretend we're just friends or.. those idiots won't bother ya, i promise-"

you smile at his thoughtfulness. you brush his cheek with your thumb. "no, i don't care." you kissed where your thumb was rubbing on his face. "WHAT?"

you and bakugou's heads turned simultaneously to see a group of people jaw-dropped at your previous action. "what's wrong with you idiots now?" katsuki frowned.

"she just- how- why did she.. i-" the group of boys stuttered.

"who the hell are you?" everyone exclaimed. you were about to awkwardly answer when bakugou rolled his eyes and scoffed.

"my girl, the fuck?"

the boys standing all shared a look. “ohhh okay..” some winked while others laughed dryly. they walked to their seats so class could begin.

“i wasn’t expecting that response to be honest.” you added, playing with his fingers. he nodded. “me either.”

you turned around for a moment, grabbing something before handing katsuki your notes. "did you study?" "no." "why not?" "'cus i wanna study with you"

you smiled sweetly and turned around as aizawa begun the class.

the class ended and bakugou abruptly grabs your backpack and books. he slings your bag over his shoulder and holds your books on one arm, the other pulling you to stand up before wrapping it around your shoulder. you formed a little upside down smile and lean into his side. "thank you." you whisper shyly.

you two walked through the halls, people’s eyes falling on you. you feel judged as girls whisper and shared mean giggles. you were so used to being invisible and katsuki was highly aware of that. he squeezes your arm as a way to tell you “ignore them”

bakugou leads you to the cafeteria where he brings you to the popular table. it’s cliche, but these weren’t nice popular kids. they scan you up and down and the only reason they play nice is because you were with bakugou.

"sooo, are you new here?" a girl asks boredly, not even looking at you and attempts to puts up a kind facade. the girl sitting across from her shakes her head, "that's l/n, i have her in aizawa's."

"ohhh okayy," the girl drags out, not really caring as she eyes bakugou shamelessly. he made an ick face and scooches closer to you to wrap his arm around you.

the perv you recognized to be mineta moves near katsuki and grabs his shoulder, causing bakugou to turn around, about to throw hands.

“you’ll win the bet, i’ll cheer you on.” that fool whispers not so quietly to katsuki with stars in his eyes. “what’s the prize anyway-“

katsuki shoves him off immediately. “there's no bet." he huffs, going back to eating.

"wha?" people look up curiously. "you heard me!" bakugou barks in reply, his eyes filling with annoyance. you just sit there quietly like you always do. you're not really sure what to do in this situation anyhow. do you calm him down (which you dont know how to do), run away, yell at them???

the table starts laughing, shocking you. mineta is laughing his ass off and adds, "do you really expect us to believe that, bakugou? she doesn't even talk!" wow that was uncalled for. your face twists into an awkward look, knowing that he was right.

bakugou twirls a piece of your hair and scowls at the group.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LEAVE US ALONE, MORONS!" he stands up with tiny explosions coming out of his hands. mostly everyone stops speaking, some even muttering apologies.

"oh man, my sister is gonna be so pissed." a boy chuckles. another boy smirks. "your sister? man, think of camie! she's gonna beat her ass so bad."

"camie? no, camie's my friend." you blurt out. the table turns to look at you, raising eyebrows. "really?" "is that so?"

well, you weren't completely lying. you were friends with camie's younger sister but you've only talked to camie a few times before. you were feeling annoyed and how come these people think they can talk all they want about you right to your face?

you stay quiet nonetheless and grab your food and belongings. bakugou immediately stands up with you and you could say that slight concern was written on his face. you look down for a moment before you walk away to your dorm.

katsuki follows silently. once you make it upstairs, you quickly unlock your door, about to close it before bakugou holds it back. "don't shut me out."

you weren't even mad. you weren't sad either. you just wanted to get out of that environment. you didn't want to be harassed and made fun of like you were in junior high.

though you stand like a deer caught in headlights at bakugou's comment. "i'm-i'm not. it's not you, i promise." you sigh with a slight smile. "i just- i don't know. can i talk to you later?"

he looks taken aback and you can tell he's trying not to explode, which you appreciate. "i- yeah. sure, call me or somethin'." he kisses your cheek shyly and closes the door.

a few hours later, you decide that you don't want anything to do with katsuki's friends. they're his group of people, but not yours. and besides, you're dating him. not them.

you leave your dorm and walk to katsuki's. you knock softly and hear the heavy footsteps coming. the door opens widely and you're pulled inside. "hey- oh"

"are you gonna dump me?"

"what?- no!" you shake your head aggressively. he physically relaxes and you grab his hand. "i just would rather have this be between us." you suggest, staring at him lovingly.

he nods. "thas' fine."

"mmkay." you hum, grinning. the two of you stare at each other like rory and jess when they start dating before he finally invites you to watch a movie.

a/n: bye midway through, i kinda forgot that they just started dating and i made them so comfy with each other already. not that u guys are awkward but wtv lol

[perpetual-fandom-brainrot]

Some CoD Hybrid Reader Drabbles

Hybrid reader stuff, if it's not your taste I recommend clicking off and finding something better to read (*cough cough* Temporary Relocation *cough cough*)

TW: Descriptions of violence and gore

Other than that mostly just fluff

I've gone down a rabbit hole (two kinds) and I can't help but think about some concepts I want to see interacting with this trope like...

If reader was a bunny hybrid, separated from their fluffle so just aimlessly wandering around. Used to having other bunny hybrids around to help with grooming/cleaning so you don't entirely know how to do that, either, at least not effectively. I imagine you wouldn't be found by the 141 while they're on duty, but rather one of them (or their family members) would find you while on leave. They'd take you in and take care of you, and start noticing just how good of a fight or flight system you have. Maybe with some good training, you'd make a good soldier...

If reader was a dog/wolf hybrid, kidnapped owned by some of the not necessarily best people in the world since only being a pup. In fact, these people end up being wrapped up in activities that the 141 ends up sticking their noses- and barrels- into. As they're stalking around the building where you're kept, making sure all of the targets are taken care of, they train their guns on you for a moment. It's when you back up quietly, whimpering with a raw and dehydrated throat, that they realize you aren't a threat. They unlock your prison kennel and tell you to move it before you're definitely a liability (whoever dictates this choice gets mega whooping from their higher-ups later). When they run into you again on the way out, finishing ripping out the esophagus of another target who would've otherwise interfered with exfil, that you're offered a position as a soldier. And you accept.

If reader was a cat hybrid who spent their time wandering streets, taking bites of abandoned food and finishing drinks long forgotten in order to survive, only for that very town to be the one Ghost and Soap arrive in while fleeing from Graves. You're crouched behind a dumpster when Graves is rounding up the cops, and even though you're bringing claws to a gunfight you can't stand to see him acting as judge, jury, and executioner. You find a Shadow nearby, not expecting anyone in their previous path to still be alive, and silently get their weapons off of them. You wait for your moment, using your intricate knowledge of the alleyways and buildings and rooftops to stay undetected, taking out the Shadows around Graves. You take an angle at Graves himself, jumping from a rooftop and landing on his shoulders, pulling his hair until he's stumbling backwards and you both fall into the fountain. You grab a beer bottle off of it and bash it directly over his head, making sure it shatters and knocks him unconscious. You scurry off, disappearing into the night before Soap has a chance to get down and speak to you, or even process what he just watched.

[psychelis-new]

pick a pile: "How you're changing and how to find mental peace at this moment"

take a breath and choose the photo or number that calls you the most to find out what you may be working on or doing in order to feel more at peace with growing and changing and all the confusion and instability it brings. it is supposed to help you see better how you're reaching the latest best version of yourself. this reading was suggested by an Anon (thank you) and the song "teenage dream" by olivia rodrigo.

don’t take the reading too seriously. only take what resonates with you and leave the rest. if you're not called by any pile, let this reading slid as it may not hold messages for you. if you're called by more than one pile, there may be messages in each of those piles. remember that is a general reading and some things may not resonate with you. energies can change and readings are based on present ones (as you read); you're always in charge of your life. readings do not substitute real life experience nor professionals/doctors advices.

(photos found on unsplash)

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1 2 3 - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ -

pile 1

Pile 1 you are probably changing something about yourself, very likely how you see yourself and how you let others see you. You maybe felt restricted somehow or unsafe in certain situations, but now you're looking at them under a different perspective. It feels like you're being born again. In general, it seems like you're healing (and probably you've been working a lot already on yourself) a side of you, especially your heart/relationships. You're balancing the pain and realizing what you really deserve for you. You're closing with a cycle of huge distress and discomfort in relation with others and how you got used to be treated by them. You're working on your self worth successfully. Maybe you're also bringing closure to a hurtful past relationship of any type (take your time with that, and remember to give yourself breaks and do things for yourself and try new stuff as well if/when you feel like). You're probably slowly working on standing your ground, on communicating your needs and on letting yourself be seen with no fear. You're balancing your thoughts and actions, especially when it comes to letting others know where you stand. You're focusing on healing your heart and on giving yourself and your own needs the right amount of attention.

Keep talking and being yourself with others. Sure, let them know where you stand, but remind yourself that too strict boundaries (despite understandable, seen what you had to go through: it takes time and some mistakes to find a new positive balance in communication and relationships) may be counterproductive. To find your people, the ones that love you and support you and help you when you need them to, you also need to let them in and let them see you. You need to tell them about yourself and your needs. Especially tell them if you need time to get adjusted with new situations. Don't be afraid of being judged, it won't happen again: people will love you and show the same affection you show them. Be curious about them too, about their passions and fears, about their lives and details (ofc maybe do not start off with deep stuff or act like a creep but... yeah try to find a path that may take you there, to a deeper and healthier relationship). Give but remember to receive too. Relationships need to be balanced also when it comes to how we show interest in the other: especially if you've been through tough relationships you may now be trying to *unconsciously* test others and how much they care for you by always waiting for them to take decisions and include you or show interest in you, but if you don't ever show them your interest in them or ask for their support or propose something first, they may just get bored and leave. Or they may consider you too independent and stop showing interest in you, since you can do everything on your own (that's the actual message you send them everytime you say you're fine and nothing's wrong). You're not a burden for being human and needing others: don't deprive your friends/people from the joy of helping you (the same joy you may feel when helping them). And ofc it's fine to be reserved (you're trying to save yourself from experiencing pain again), but too much of it can be damaging as well and actually bring more pain too.

song: youngblood | 5sos

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pile 2

I'm not sure you're aware that you're changing or in what ways. I think you may just feel something is different but you cannot really see how cause everything actually feels the same as usual. Maybe you have only gained a different perspective on something or maybe you've just outgrown something, a situation or even someone (maybe your old self too). It's no problem anyway: the more we change, the less we're aware we do, so keep staying there: you're probably just being made ready for something else and right now you need to just wait and recover (change takes away a lot of energy). I think you're also more confident in you, more aware of what's going on around you, and even more inside of you. Maybe you're also starting something new, a new endeavour, or new studies or a new hobby and it's helping you gaining more confidence too. Maybe it's a new way of living, a new workout routine or a new diet, or doing therapy/taking care of your mental/spiritual health. You're taking good care of you, you're being more self focused and more in tune with yourself. You're also trying to make your wishes come true in some ways, showing your inner child as well that they can rely on you and that you can help them and yourself. You're feeling bolder and rsponsible of your own life and happiness, and of where you want to go.

Not sure you really need to find mental peace, but maybe you do anyway. There may still be moments of uncertainty, of feeling lost and not knowing where you're actually going despite deep down you know you're in charge of it. Keep staying and checking inside of you, taking care of you, connecting and talking with you. Also with your inner child. Let them help you sort out things from the past that you still need to heal (if you do and when you do, go at your pace). Try to not let the pain and self doubt, the uncertainty and anxiety distract you and make you spiral. It's understandable ofc, but it's something you have the power to deal with (take a break to distract from the possible panic attack and then, when you feel, get back to that trigger/emotion and check the reasons or what it wants to show you. If you need, ask for guidance: don't do it alone if it's too much). Be honest about your feelings and emotions, forgive yourself cause you did what you could and if you can/need to, forgive others too: many times people try to give us what they imagine we may need but they just do it in a way that's not the one we actually need (cause they either cannot give in any other way or cause of their own traumas). Many times we feel left out cause we expect from others things that they cannot give us or that they don't know we need in a certain way: communicate, ask. And if they cannot give what you need in the way you need, get it from other people and from yourself too. And communicate with your higher self and let them guide you as well. Give to yourself first and foremost: show you can have what you want in the way you want. Others will follow your guidelines.

song: halo | beyoncé

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pile 3

You're probably starting a new cycle in your life. Even if now you cannot really see it all, I do think you can already feel it coming in whatever way (different for all of you) and even get infos about it: dreams, signs, symbols... I think things are going to take a good turn and whether you're feeling more relaxed or "hyped" about it, you can indeed feel positive about it and like, sit in the passenger seat and let things unfold. Whatever goal you are trying to reach, it will unfold in the best way for you. Set your goals, write or meditate/pray about them. I think your Guides want to give you back or give you some type of recognition for what you have done, be it self work or anything else. There's still a hint of surprise for you, so just let it all be without trying to control the whole process. Congrats pile 3! "You'll shine the brightest"

This seems like a huge change from the past, and it may require you to take a few more steps in the unknown and heal some more parts of you before the new cycle can actually start. Especially, you may need to put some light over your emotions and change how you deal with them. There may still be demons hidden inside of you, espcially yelling in your mind, trying to cloud your thoughts/judgement and block you from moving forward towards your dreams. Remind yourself those are still parts of you that need lot of love and appreciation. Do not let them scare you, but talk with them kindly. Be compassionate and supportive of yourself in the meantime: changes are never easy to go through, and they may get scary; even if you're advised you can let go, your mind may think otherwise out of past/old mental patterns. Find ways to ground yourself, maybe talk with people you know you can trust. Stay open to discover different truths while letting in your darkest sides too (do not be scared of them). Keep working on you and on your healing and remember that healing doesn't mean absence of triggers but knowing how to react to them properly without letting them take you over and block you. Not to mention that triggers may get tougher the closer we get to closing a cycle so be patient with the process but in particular with yourself. Do not isolate, especially not from your Guides. Remember to get a new/different result sometimes we need to do something new/different. Do not let this "new/different" scare you and block you. And also do not let the past and how much pain still brings you (and your inner child), block you as well. You may feel tired and in need of a way out especially when things get particularly tough and stressful: just be patient please and don't give up. You'll get there, trust that you will make it. Please hold on strong for now and take care of you if things get too heavy, give yourself time to unwind (or nap).

song: feel good inc. | gorillaz

[mountainsandmayhem]

You're a Brat, Little Dove

Joel Miller x Female!Reader

Masterlist

Summary: You play with Joel at your 25 year high school reunion to get exactly what you want. CW: Dom!Joel, Sub/Dom, blowjob, throat fucking, gagging, nipple play, Brat!Tamer, unprotected p in v (they’re in a long-term relationship), oral (f and m receiving), anal play very briefly, pet names, cream pie kink, praise kink, degradation if you squint, denial and edging, NO AGE GAP (Joel and reader are in their 40’s)  A/N: I am absolutely BLOWN AWAY by the love that You're Mine and Stay Still have gotten. Truly, from the bottom of my cold, dead heart I really appreciate your likes, comments and reblogs. Hopefully you enjoy this one, as well. Dividers and banners by @saradika-graphics Word Count: 5.6k

Dress. Check. 

Nude heels. Check. 

2 daytime outfits.  Check. 

Drive home clothes. Check. 

Make up bag. Check.

Stop worrying so much. You’re not even leaving the country, you can buy what you forgot.

“You ok?” Joel asks as he wraps his arms around you from behind.

“Just the usual pre-travel anxieties.” You say, leaning into his warmth. Your arms unconsciously cross over his, hands resting on his forearms. 

“We’re not leaving the country, you can buy whatever you forgot,” you smile to yourself at how well he knows you as his lips press lightly to your temple. “Remember when I had to go out of town at the last minute before our Disneyland trip and you packed for all of us?”

“Mmhmmm,” you say. The memories come flooding in of those two little girls; one dressed as a princess from head to toe and the other refusing to take off her Darth Vader helmet. The latter was far braver on the “scary rides”, and held her sister's hand until they were both giggling and screaming with delight.

“You didn’t miss a single thing - for any of us. Including the nightlight that Sarah couldn’t be without and the granola bars that Ellie claimed were the only things she could have for breakfast.” 

You turn your head and gently press your lips to his. This is the kind of love that people write about. Supportive. Caring. Complete and unwavering trust. Each person is 100% in for the other, willingly giving when the other needs to take, and never keeping score. You don’t judge the other for any sort of anxiety they might be having or help they might be needing. Partners. Through and through. 

A noise from the kitchen brings you back and you break the kiss. “What is that incessant beeping?” 

“That’s your phone,” he laughs while pulling out of the hug and squeezing your sides. “It’s been going off all morning. Someone is messaging you on Facebook.” 

You squirm free of his wandering hands and go to brush your teeth. When you come back out to the kitchen he’s scrolling through the messages in your phone. 

“Who is it?” You ask, getting your morning coffee ready. 

Joel throws his head back, laughing loudly as he reads in a mocking voice, “Hi. Long time no talk. I saw your name on the guest list for the reunion this weekend. Can’t wait to catch up. Looks like you’re single. At least based on your profile. Glad to see you got rid of that goon you were dating in your 20s.” 

Your profile is blank, a picture of you holding baby Ellie the day you officially adopted her is the only thing on there, and you have maybe 15 friends. Truthfully, you aren’t even sure why you have it, even in the heyday of Facebook, you weren’t exactly a share-everything-about-yourself-on-the-internet type of girl.

“Oh god,” you laugh. “It’s Zack, isn’t it?” 

Joel wipes away a tear from laughing so hard. “Each sentence is its own message, but I’m a goon?” He slides your phone across the counter to you adding, “Can I punch him again when we see him?” 

Years ago, while visiting your parents, Zack got a little too handsy when you ran into each other at a local pool hall. Joel was and very much still is, a ‘touch her and die’ type of lover. 

You both laugh as you kiss him goodbye and head to work.

On your lunch break, you updated your profile picture to you and Joel with the girls at their high school graduation. Hopefully, Zack will get the message. By 5 pm you’re rushing home to get out the door and drive 5 hours to your old hometown. 

The minute you walk into the reunion you see women’s heads turning to look at Joel. You can’t say you blame them, Joel Miller is the dictionary definition of a DILF! And tonight, in perfectly tailored black pants, a crisp black dress shirt and black tie, his slightly outgrown curls pushed back, and grey scruff perfectly trimmed, he looks hot as sin. And then, just to add insult to an already smoldering hot injury, he recently came to terms with needing glasses for driving at night. Those black frames should be illegal. 

Over the last few days you’ve been sending him articles about spanking and on the drive up had an open and honest communication about what you both wanted out of it. Deep down you’re hoping tonight is your night, you’re tempted to just go back to the hotel and let him do whatever he wants. Instead, the two of you hit the bar to get a drink before finding a table to sit at.

“Who is that lady in the gold sequin dress with the black hair, almost directly behind you?” Joel asks awkwardly, sipping his whiskey.

You glance around the room, trying to not make it obvious when you catch the one person you don’t want around Joel staring right at him. 

“Lucy Garfield.” You say flatly. “She’s the one that slept with Zack seconds after I left for university. I thought they were married but she is eye fucking you so hard.”

“Gross,” he laughs, his nose crinkling up in disgust. He’s so endearing when he’s joking around with you, “Don’t say eye fucking.”

You laugh, “It’s what she’s doing Joel. I wonder how long before she’s over here talking to you.”

You start pushing your chair out from the table and he grabs your leg, “Leave me alone and you’re dead to me”

“Joel,” you giggle and try to push the chair more, “I kinda have to pee though.” 

“Babe, I'm serious. She scares me,” he says with a shudder. “I can feel her looking at me.” 

“Oh, she’s doing more than looking…” you tease, sliding your chair back in.

“Don’t say it.”

He squirms as you lean in to his ear and whisper, “Eye fucking.”

“I hate you.” 

After a few hours of catching up with old friends, you excuse yourself to go to the bathroom and grab another drink for you and Joel. When you come out of the bathroom Lucy is alone at your table with Joel. You can see the discomfort on his face as she shows him something on his phone. You’re not jealous or worried, but when Zack approaches you at the bar you decide to have a little fun.

“So you didn’t break up with him after all?” He’s leaning back cockily on the bar, arms crossed, eyes locked on Lucy. 

“No,” you laugh while ordering drinks; whiskey neat for Joel and a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon for you. “I never planned to.” 

“I figured. Lucy seems to take a liking to anyone you set your sights on.”

“You would know best, Zack.” You’re still facing the bar, but you see Zack glance quickly in your direction at the dig. “Any advice for poor Joel over there?”

“Don’t leave the best thing that ever happened to you for a gymnast with...” he stops speaking when he looks back to you, seeing you with one eyebrow raised as you sip your wine. “She and I are getting divorced.” 

“I assumed.”

“Oh?”

And that’s when you hear it. Your song with Joel. 

‘I know what you look like in the morning

Your kisses are soft and warm’

Joel looks around the room for you, when he spots you at the bar a mischievous grin crosses your face and you lean in close to Zack. 

“Dance with me?” You whisper, giving him the puppy eyes he never used to say no to. 

‘I can draw you with my eyes closed 

Seen you with nothing on but the radio’

He places a hand on your lower back and leads you to the dance floor before pulling you in close. Huh, you think to yourself, 25 years later and still got it.

You look away from Joel and give Zack a tight lipped smile as the first verse of the song melts into the chorus. 

‘I know the kind of thing that makes you laugh 

The way you tilt your head for a photograph

What other guy knows you like that’

You fight the urge not to look past Zack’s shoulder and over at Joel as Zack’s voice drones on in the distance, telling you about his divorce. 

‘And I can name the first guy you ever kissed’

You can’t help but sneak a glance at Joel. Zack is the first guy you kissed and Joel knows it.

‘I can name the perfume on your wrist’

Joel crosses his arms, staring at you darkly from across the room. Fuck, you think maybe you bit off more than you can chew.

‘What other guy knows you like that’

Joel stands and strides over to you. 

Yes. Got him. He doesn’t look mad, if anything he’s looking at you with dangerous desire in his eyes. Your heart flutters as heat travels between your thighs.

“Babe, we gotta go.” 

Zack starts to protest but you release yourself from his arms and say with a big smile, “It was lovely catching up. Thank you for the dance.” 

As Joel leads you off the dance floor he growls quietly in your ear, “You’ve been a very bad girl, Little Dove.” 

The car ride back to the hotel is silent. Not a word is uttered between either of you, the second the elevator door closes Joel presses you back against the wall.  Towering over you, one of his hands roughly pulls down the right cup of your dress and bra, he pinches your nipple hard between his thumb and pointer finger. 

You gasp out in pain, but he doesn’t say anything, just glares down at you. As the pain morphs into pleasure you squeeze your thighs together, your panties starting to soak through. He releases you when the elevator stops and turns his back to you, you cover your abused nipple back up before you follow him into your room.

“Clothes off and kneel,” he growls, throwing a pillow haphazardly at your feet.

“Joel-I…” you stutter out. He stalks across the room, only the discarded pillow separating you. 

“I said,” he starts harshly. “Clothes off and kneel, Little Dove.”

You swallow the dry lump in your throat while sliding the zipper down the side of your black dress, letting it fall to the ground. A deep, guttural moan escapes Joel as you kick the dress aside and remove your bra and panties. You’re completely bare for him, nothing but your nude heels left. 

“That’s better. Now kneel.” 

You do as he says, getting into his desired position; hands on your lap and eyes aimed at the floor in front of you. He bends, cupping your chin and tilting your face up to meet his gaze. You expect to see his eyes dark and lips tight, instead, you’re met with softness, his chocolate brown eyes boring into you.

“Little Dove,” he starts, his voice just barely above a whisper. “I am going to punish you for being a brat tonight. Everything I plan to do is things we’ve talked about.” 

“Like what?” You ask as your mouth goes impossibly dry.

“No, you don’t get answers tonight. You’re in trouble. Do you remember your safe words?”

You nod, “Yes sir.”

The colour coding system is how Joel prefers to do things. Red if you need to end things, yellow if you need a break or to slow down, and green to keep going.

His thumb caresses your cheek, “That’s my girl.” 

Joel stands abruptly and your gaze follows him. When he looks down at you, his features are no longer soft. His eyes are almost black, eyebrows slightly knit together and jaw clenched. He snaps his fingers and points at the ground and you immediately obey, shifting your gaze back to where he prefers it. He walks across the room, uncuffing the sleeves of his black dress shirt and rolling them up his thick forearms. You hear the unmistakable sound of him removing his tie and his glasses being placed on the table.

“You were a brat tonight, Little Dove,” he says darkly. “Remind me, do I like brats?” 

“No, sir.” It comes out in a nervous squeak.

Joel stares at you for a while and it’s nearly impossible to keep your eyes on the ground. If Joel had to classify himself, he’d say he was a pleasure Dom. He’d rather use pleasure until you’d beg him to stop, but pleasure is earned, and you used that song and your ex-boyfriend to get to him tonight. He saunters back over and pets your head, just as you start to close your eyes and lean into his touch he grips your hair hard and pulls until you’re once again looking up at him. A shocked yelp comes out of you as you make eye contact. 

“I think you did this on purpose because you so badly want me to spank you.”

“N-no, sir.” 

“No? I bet if I reached in between your legs and felt your pretty little pussy she’d be soaked for me right now. Am I right?” 

“Y-yes.” 

“Take out my cock, Little Dove.” 

His grip on your hair doesn’t loosen as you reach up with shaky hands to undo his belt and pants. As you slide his dress pants down his thick thighs you can see him already hard under his tight black boxers. As you lower those, his thick cock springs free, brushing against your face.

“Hands on my thighs,” he barks.

You jump slightly at the harsh tone and move your hands to rest along the sides of his thighs. He moves his free hand to one of yours and taps on your hand 3 times. “You do that if you need to stop. Show me.” 

You tap 3 times on his thigh like he showed you. “Too bad you were such a bad girl tonight. I wanted to please you and not punish you.”

He moves his hand to fist his cock a few times. It brushes your lips as he continues to speak. “Who do you belong to, Little Dove?”

“You sir,” you answer firmly but quietly. 

“That’s right. Open.”

You lick your lips and obey his orders. He lines himself up and slides the tip of his cock in your mouth, pumping his shaft slowly with his hand, the other still locked in your hair. 

“Mine,” he says it like he’s claiming you as he works more of himself into your mouth. You’re surprised how he takes his time, inching in a little before pulling back, letting you swirl your tongue around to get him nice and wet. When he’s finally all the way in, pushing against your gag reflex he groans out, “So…completely…mine.”

You look up at him through your lashes and remind yourself to relax your throat and breathe through your nose, moaning around his cock before he pulls it all the way out. Saliva falls from your mouth and he smirks at you cockily while he fucks himself with his palm, the tip of his leaking dick resting on your tongue. The salty taste of his pre cum sends a fresh wave of arousal to the apex of your thighs, you can feel it gathering on your calves that are tucked underneath you. 

Without warning, Joel starts to fuck your throat. He pushes himself all the way in and you gag around him before he pulls out halfway. He continues this punishing rhythm for a while, muttering darkly about how you’re a bad girl and you deserve to be punished.  

You’re taken aback by how much you fucking love it. Watching him tower above you all big and strong but you know he’s falling apart. He’s becoming putty because of you and your mouth. It’s filthy and slightly degrading, but you realize that you’re the one in control here. You could do this forever and make a mental note to find times to act out more often.  Tears start to run down your cheeks as his thrusts turn sloppy. You know he’s close so you hum around his cock.

“Oh fuuuuck, baby.” He pulls himself out and steps back, strings of saliva falling from his cock and landing on your chin. Your hands hit the ground in front of you as you gasp in a full breath for this first time since he started using your mouth.  The heat between your thighs is starting to become unbearable.

“What did you think was going to happen - huh?” he says in a deep and condescending tone. “That I’d spank you and then make you come?”

“I’m sorry, sir.” You’re not sorry though, you’d do it again just to feel that gush between your thighs when he hits the back of your throat. 

“Only good girls get spankings. So let me make myself very clear.” You straighten your spine and look up at him as he goes back to petting your hair. 

“You are not allowed to cum.” His voice is deep and scratchy, you’re sure he could make a living by narrating erotica, but that voice is yours.

A small whimper escapes you as he continues. “I’m going to continue to use you how I want. If I think you’ve proven yourself to be my good girl, you’ll get that spanking you want so desperately. Understand?” 

He almost purrs as he says good girl and it turns you feral. “Yes, sir.” 

He reaches a hand to you and helps you stand. He gently wipes the tears from your cheeks before kissing the tip of your nose. “Get on the bed.”

As you walk to the bed you bring one leg up to remove your heels. “Leave them on. Hands and knees, Little Dove.”

Fuck, he knows this is your kryptonite. And fuck, you’re back to thinking that maybe you bit off more than you can handle. Joel is predictable about his Sunday plans during football season and nothing else. 

After stripping off his clothes he comes up behind you, rubs the warm tip of his cock through your slit and he lets out a deep moan. Both of you can hear the wetness as he moves from your clit to your ass. “Mmmm - my bad girl clearly liked having me fuck her throat. You’re soaked for me.”

A firm hand pushes down between your shoulder blades and your upper body hits the mattress. at this new angle, everything is bare to him. 

“Mine,” he says again before placing a few long, slow licks from your clit to your ass, swirling and pressing his tongue in all the right places. “So…completely…mine.” 

His tongue teases your clit as he lightly teases your ass with the pad of his thumb.  The heat begins to spread to your spine, the world falls away and all you’re left with is Joel.  Joel and his wonderful and magic tongue.  Joel and his ability to make you cum.  His voice from earlier rings through your cries of pleasure, ‘you are not allowed to cum.’

“I…n-no…” you stutter, squeezing all your muscles to stop the orgasm that’s fast approaching. “That’s gonna…I’m gonna!” 

“Don’t you dare, Little Dove.” He bites down on your ass cheek and you yelp in pain, but glad for the distraction from how close you were to finishing. 

“Such a bad little girl tonight.” He says into your skin before continuing to tease you with his tongue, swirling your clit, moving to gently flick your ass, then back to your clit. You never know where his tongue might explore next and you find yourself mentally mapping out each aisle of your favorite grocery store with your eyes clamped shut to distract yourself. 

“I wanna be a good girl,” you beg, utterly desperate to follow his rules tonight. “Please stop. I wanna be good, sir.” 

“Poor thing,” he says mockingly, rising and sliding himself inside you so slowly that you feel every inch, vein, and ridge. 

“Fuuuuuuuccccck,” you gasp as he bottoms out. A small, pleading ‘please’ escapes your lips but you don’t even know what you’re asking for. Your body feels like liquid at this point, every muscle relaxed and every bone somehow missing. It’s a complete state of nirvana, if only he’d let you cum.

“Not yet,” he drags out of you and slams back in, a complete juxtaposition to how he first entered you. His grip on your hips is so tight that you’re sure you’ll have bruises tomorrow. “This is my pussy, mine. Say it.”

“Y-yours…” you manage to whine. “oh fuck…yours Joel.”

“That’s right, babygirl.  Mine. So…completely…mine.”

One of your shoes falls to the ground as he continues to slam into you.  You no longer know the difference between right and left, you just know that one shoe is missing. As you reach back to touch him, he pins your hand to your lower back, sliding almost all the way out before slowly pressing his hips flush with your ass. 

“No,” he says sternly. “Only good girls get to touch.” 

You scream out his name, begging him to let you cum. Joel leans forward and pulls you up, still fully inside of you, he holds you still against his warm chest, the combination of your sweat and his sweat feeling sticky along your back.  

“You like when I use you like this, Little Dove?”

“Yessss,” you whine. You force yourself not to roll your hips even though the need to orgasm is almost painful. The word yellow flows through your mind. You could say it. You could say it and get what you want, but you trust Joel. You trust that he has bigger and better plans for you. 

“Say it,” he commands while rolling your earlier pinched nipple between his fingers. 

“Use me, sir….Please. I want to please you.”

“That’s my girl. My perfect little submissive.”

He pushes you back down into the sheets and fucks you harder. The sounds of skin slapping skin and your moans and squeals fill the room. You tense every muscle again to stop the orgasm that’s right on the surface. 

“Where do you want it, Little Dove?”

“Inside me, sir.”

Joel curses through gritted teeth. “Fuck, baby.” 

“Fill me, sir.”

“Such a filthy little girl. D’you know that?” His voice is strained, you know he’s close and you just have to hold off a little longer. 

“Only for you,” you say through moans and gasps.

That’s what does it and you push him over the edge with your words, the heat of his spend filling you as he lets out a loud moan. “Good fucking girl.”

He moves his hips into you a few more times, filling you so much it starts to leak out. “Fuck, takin’ me so well, soundin’ so goddamn sweet as you beg.” 

He doesn’t stay in long after he cums, which you’re thankful for because you’re sure a faint breeze could make you detonate at this point. He steps back to admire the mess he’s made, using his fingers to push his cum back inside you before sitting next to your knees.

“Get over my knee.” 

You rush on shaky limbs to get over this lap, wiggling your ass in nervous excitement. He uses one hand to pin your wrists behind your back. “Mmm - that’s my good girl.” 

Joel uses his other hand to draw slow circles along your cheeks. His warm and calloused fingers send shivers across your body.  “How many do you think you should get?” 

“10,” you respond sheepishly. 

Joel laughs deeply to himself. “You were a brat. Do you really think 10 is enough?” 

You audibly swallow in response to what you know is a rhetorical question. You didn’t think your pussy could throb any harder, but his voice, his hands, and this position has every nerve in your body aflame. 

“20, and if you behave, I’ll stop at 15.” 

“Please, sir.” The anticipation is killing you.

“Ok. I am going to spank you with my hand 20 times. You are going to count and say ‘I’m sorry’ after each one. Understand?” 

“Yes, sir.”  You try not to whine, but you need to be touched,

“Give me a colour baby”

“Green,” you whisper needily. 

2 sharp and quick slaps hit your ass.

“1 and 2,” you squeal, “I’m sorry” 

Light finger strokes tickle along the back of your thighs and up towards the now stinging skin. Joel’s hand disappears from your body and you tense. 

“Shhh,” his thumb holding your wrist strokes the soft skin. “Take a deep breath, Little Dove.” 

You inhale shakily, as you try to relax on your exhale, his hand comes down again. When the two of you did your research on spanking, all the experts said you’d know the sound of a good spank, and Joel being, well Joel, has taken it to a new level of perfection. His third spank stings, but it’s quickly replaced with a fresh wave of warmth in your core. 

“Three. I’m sorry,” you love how quickly he can turn you into a whining mess.

From that point you’re in a trance. You almost feel like you’re floating outside your body as Joel continues your punishment. You hear your voice counting each strike of his hand.  A rush of adrenaline courses through you after each one and you can feel his spend leaking out and dripping in between your thighs.

“Eight. I’m sorry” 

“Messy messy girl.” He says, swiping a finger up your thigh and through the folds of your swollen pussy, he stays away from your clit but you could scream with how good it feels. “I should make you clean this up.” 

You turn your head, glancing over your shoulder to face him, readying yourself for him to slide his fingers down your throat. Instead, he licks his fingers clean and then lays 3 quick smacks across your ass. 

“Eleven. Oh god,” your body jolts with the first one but by the third you’re rolling your lips into him for friction, you need more. More pain. More of his fingers. More of anything and everything he’s willing to give you. “I’m sorry.”

Joel isn’t surprised to see that you like the pain, but he is surprised by how much he likes seeing you in pain. He was hesitant about this whole thing, worried about hurting you, but you’ve never looked more beautiful. A blush lights your face and neck, a thin sheen of sweat across your body. Your squeals and cries slowly become wanton moans. He knows it hurts you, but he can also see how that pain is temporary followed by a rush of adrenaline and pleasure. 

“Good job, Little Dove,” he rubs the red hand prints gently. “Fuck, I don’t deserve you.” 

You relax into his lap as his praises wash over you. You feel completely submissive to him and for the first time, you feel what he said earlier. You are his. So completely his. 

“My,” SMACK 

“Perfect,” SMACK

“Little,” SMACK 

“Submissive,” SMACK 

They happen so quickly that all you can do is moan loudly in ecstasy, heat flooding your core to the point that it’s unbearable.  Pressure behind your eyes builds as your neediness grows.  

“Fif-fifteen. I’m sorry, sir.” You’re squirming uncontrollably, tears threaten to spring from your eyes.

“Please - please. It huuuurts.” Joel knows it’s not the spanking that hurts, it’s the animalistic need to cum that’s causing you so much discomfort. 

“There’s my good girl,” he growls, sliding 2 fingers deep inside you. He curls them forward into your tight and messy heat. The squelching of his cum mixed with your arousal fills the room.

“Does this feel good, Little Dove?” 

“Please Joel,” you sob through stuttered breaths, unable to hold back the tears any longer. “P-please - don’t stop.”

“Fuck I love when you say please. Did you know that?  How it makes my cock twitch hearing you whine sweetly, asking so nicely.” 

He slows his fingers, he knows how sensitive you are, he can feel your pussy gripping tightly to his fingers and he wants to bring you pleasure now, not push you into overstimulation. “You took those so beautifully, Little Dove. I’m so proud of you.” 

You cry out a thank you, your orgasm is right there, the heat in your stomach and spine ready to erupt and spread to the rest of your body. As you squirm on his lap you can feel his erection growing beneath you. Joel continues curling his fingers against your most sensitive spot, his other hand letting go of your wrists and moving to soothe the handprints he left. The gentleness of one hand combined with the demanding desire of the other sends your mind swirling. 

“Get up, baby girl.” He slides his fingers out from you and you want to cry out and complain before he adds, “I want you to cum on my cock.” 

Joel steadies you as you stand up in front of him, “Hold on, spin around.” 

You do as he says, albeit slightly confused until he presses his lips to the bright red handprints he’s tattooed across your skin. 

Yep, you think to yourself. I’m His. So completely his. 

You lay back on the bed, Joel crawling between your legs. He’s looking at you the way he used to when you first met, taking in every inch of your skin almost as if to commit it to memory. It’s the complete opposite of how he looked at you while you danced with Zack. His dangerous desire has turned to an overwhelming softness. 

“Lift your hips, baby,” he slides a spare pillow under you. 

His strong hands massage your hips gently as his eyes rake over your red and swollen pussy. “Oh - that looks painful, baby. Do you need me to take care of it?” 

You whine out in frustration, “Please, sir. I need to cum. Please.” 

He lets out a whispered ‘oh god’ at your pleas, hooking one of your legs in the crook of his elbow, the other wrapping around his waist as he lines himself up and then leans down to softly press his lips to yours. He slides inside of you slowly and you’re instantly shaking underneath him. 

“Shhh, you’re ok,” he whispers into your lips before kissing you harder, rocking his hips with perfect precision. “I’m right here. I got you, baby. I got you.”

The soft part of his belly grazes your clit and you cry out into his mouth. “Oh god - I’m gonna cum.” 

“There you go, baby. Cum for me.” 

You fall apart around him, your head falling back in a silent cry to the ceiling. A buzz of electricity shutters through your whole body, your walls clenching around him harder than you thought was possible. 

“That’s it,” he says into your neck as he licks and kisses. “Let go for me.” 

His words spread more tingles along your skin, you tangle your hands in his curls and pull his face to yours. Kissing him deeply as you start to come down. He stills inside you as he comes again, sending you into a wave of aftershocks. You swallow his moans in your kisses, you never want this to end.

“Stay here honey,” Joel says, getting up to walk with wobbly legs to the bathroom. He comes back with a warm cloth and carefully wipes you clean. Your body jolts and you cry out when he gets near your clit, he whispers apologies while drying you with a towel.

You start to get up. “Are you ok?” he questions. 

“I have to pee,” you laugh. As you wash your hands you take in your reflection. Your poor nipple is purple from the elevator, you have mascara down your face, and as you predicted, you are already bruising from his grip on your hips. You spin to see angry, dark red splotches along the globes of your ass and you smile at yourself. Fuck, is there something wrong with me? 

Even though you’re exhausted, you practically skip back out to the bed where Joel is holding a big glass of water and some soothing lotion that he purchased weeks ago for this exact moment. He laughs and shakes his head, he knows he’s in for it now seeing how happy you are with yourself. 

“Drink this and then lay on your stomach please,” adding a quick, “you little brat.” 

“So bossy.” You joke and roll your eyes, but you both love this part and as elated as you are right now, you know you need the aftercare so that your anxieties don’t get you later. So, you do as he says. You drink the water and then lay on your stomach. Joel rubs the cooling lotion on your marks and then places long, light kisses along your spine.

“How are you feeling?” He coos between kisses.

“I’m great. That was amazing. How are you feeling? I know you weren’t too sold on spanking me.”

Joel lies beside you and pulls you in, his front presses against yours, both of you using your own arm as a pillow. “Honestly, I’m surprised by how much I liked it. You looked so beautiful the entire time. I didn’t think I would like it, but….” He trails off looking slightly embarrassed, using his free hand to play with your hair. 

“But?” you push.

“But…well a man my age doesn’t get multiple orgasms very often, makin’ me feel like we’re in our 20’s again.”

“Well, I guess I’ll just have to act out more often. Any cute guys on the job site I can eye fuck?” 

Joel growls as he pulls you over to rest on his chest. “Mine. Now go to sleep, Little Dove. And stop saying that.” 

Tag List: @corazondebeskar @hiddenbabynyc @mermaidgirl30 @rainstorms-library @smutsmutslut @sullyrocky44 @keylimebeag @pimosworld @casa-boiardi @pedritoferg @paleidiot

Also a special tag for @javierpena-inatacvest because I'm not on a mission to make her a Joel girlie.

[vikuo-kuma]

A Smile just for Them

A/N: he shall smile just for us 😫, Abyss story coming out soon. Then another Rayne 🤭

Warning: mostly comedic but ends with fluff.

Kinda requested by: @mysticalpersonpoetry

—

"Do you ever notice that Rayne never smiled?", someone whispered to their friend, as they both watched Rayne Ames, a Divine Visionary, walk past the two. The friend nodded in agreement, they were both in Rayne's classes, yet never seen him smile at least once. "I agree, he seems to never try to build a bond with anyone at all... now that I noticed..", the friend had a pensive expression on their face. They tried to recollect the moments the dual haired male had ever smile. Yet no luck.

"Maybe we should try following him.. he is a mysterious person", the person suggested. The friend agreed, nodding determinedly to find at least something about their mysterious classmate.

—

"What kind of disguise are these??", the person whispered very loudly, judging their friend's idea of a disguise. They were both wearing just sunglasses, while still in school uniform. "They were the cheapest thing my other friends could hand over! I ain't made out of money", the friend retorted back in the same manner. They were about to attack each other but then realized that Rayne was about to leave their sight.

"Quick! The library!", the friend frantically whispered, pulling them along into those doors. It was already surprising enough that the dual colored hair male hadn't noticed them. They hid behind a bookshelf, looking in between the gaps of the book. Other students in that aisle looked at them weirdly. But they ignored them, and focused on the dual colored hair classmate, who appeared to be sitting in front of another student with (h/c). "I knew-!", the friend was shushed instantly, as the person had their hands against their mouth.

"Are you trying to get us caught?!", they whispered sternly, it was a bit loud but wasn't loud enough to disturb the (h/c) student and Rayne. "And besides we can't see his facial expressions like this!", the person looked back as they were whispering to their friend. "Oh yeah you're right..", the friend replied back quietly.

Another time then! They looked utterly determined to see a smile from their monotonous classmate.

—

You and Rayne were simply enjoying each other's company, as you both were holding a book in hand while having a conversation. You were very immersed in your book, talking about the smallest details and how you find it intriguing to say the least. Never really focusing on the dual color haired male's expression.

But something rested on his lips unconsciously. Something most people wouldn't see him do as much. Something most people would call rare coming from that boy.

A smile.

[alicerosejensen]

Together forever pt.3

Warning: Yandere!leon; kidnapping, forced cohabitation, stalkering, fem/reader, age difference, pet names.

A/N: I wrote this earlier, but I will repeat it again so that there are no complaints: I do not approve of this in real life. What is written here is simply fiction, if you have any psychological trauma associated with this or do not like such content then DO NOT READ!

Part 1

Part 2

He really didn’t want to resort to force, but you simply left him no choice...

Flashback to weeks earlier, when you weren't yet under his protection, Leon was analyzing everything about his sweet angel. Well, ultimately, carrying your once again unconscious body back to bed, of course, the last thing he wanted was for you to get injured, but you never know what stupid thoughts could come to your mind after waking up again, so putting you into bed, he pulled out the handcuffs and chained your hand to the headboard of the bed. Not very comfortable but you can sleep.

Don't get him wrong, he doesn't want to keep you on a leash like a dog at all, but Leon has noticed for a long time that you are in constant danger. Back in that dusty archive, when you reached for another folder, the laces on your worn sneakers were untied. Darling, you don't know how to tie your shoelaces at all! He immediately thought that you could have fallen and broken your neck or any other bone, you could even have died by your own negligence! It's good that Agent Kennedy was around, right?

Looking at how you sleep and your eyelids twitch in your sleep, Leon threw the blanket back over you. He knows that your sleep is restless, in fact, he almost knows about nightmares, but you didn't need to be afraid anymore. Nevertheless, Leon was well aware that a sudden change of situation and getting used to the new rules that he created to protect you would be stressful for some time. However, it was still better than wandering through dark unsafe alleys alone on the way home, drinking drinks in cheap bars with your friends who didn't even bother to call you a taxi. Leon doesn't know who to thank for the fact that you're still alive and haven't been raped by some asshole who would break your whole life. Despite the fact that the DSO pays its people well, this rather applies to agents and various informants who risk their lives, but small archivists like you do not interest them at all. Therefore, his angel could not afford a nice apartment in a decent neighborhood without bastards and drug dealers who would gladly get you hooked on some trash. The door of your apartment was indecently easy to open Leon would have done it without a lock pick without any problems, but he didn't want to scare you, however…

It is now his house completely at your disposal. The refrigerator is filled with high-quality products and not cheap instant noodles whose packages were lying in your trash. Money was really tight, wasn't it? A mug with a touch of tea or coffee that for some reason you didn't want to wash well, an unmade bed with your smell that he liked to inhale so much. The moment he plopped down on your bed, the desire to hold you in his arms just took root in him.

He wanted your scent to sink deep into him, to penetrate into every cell of his body. He just needed to possess you. That's why Leon couldn't wait, especially since you never let him become anything closer than just a colleague with whom you chatted during lunch. At some point, knowing where you live, he even came up with the idea that you were really offended, but there was nothing about it from your correspondence or medical records. Like you just liked being alone.

He was watching you to keep you safe. He walked you home ready to become a savior at any moment, it's not the first time he's saved a lady in trouble, despite the fact that you weren't actually that lady. Not according to Leon. Sometimes he came to your apartment and leafed through your books that he didn't like, but he didn't judge. He was taught to be quiet and inconspicuous, so it was extremely difficult to understand about someone else's presence. The only thing that really started to bother you is that things sometimes rearrange themselves and the old traces of coffee on your favorite mug magically disappeared. Robberies were not uncommon in this troubled area, but the only valuable things in your apartment were a laptop and a game console. Actually, it was important for Leon to know about all your preferences!

Now it was all in the past. You're safe here with him, away from all the shit that can hurt you. And in fact, you no longer need to worry about bills and how to live until the next paycheck. Leon doesn't consider himself a psycho when he lies down next to you, inhaling the scent of your body, pulling you to him, kissing your temple. After all, if you want, he will become the hero of those stupid books for you.

"I will definitely take care of you," he whispers, making you shudder in your sleep after hearing this insinuating voice that leaves no chance of salvation.

💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

Your resistance is really annoying. You are still sitting handcuffed to the bed and there are already bloody marks on your wrist from the skin erased into blood after a steady twitching of your hand.

"I just need to dress you up," Leon says in a calm voice, while his patience still allows him to hold in his hands cute clothes for his angel.

Skirt, tights, and a warm sweater. Of course it's warm at home, but he wants to be sure that you have everything you need. That's just you kicking, yelling at him and crying incessantly ignoring the pain in your wrist.

"Baby, don't make me use force. Enough of this moaning!"

"Let me go!" you shout on the verge of pulling the hated handcuffs even without looking at him. Over the past two days, hysteria has been covering you with your head constantly not allowing you to think clearly.

Leon sighs. In any case, he doesn't want to stuff you with drugs anymore, and then what he was trained as an agent comes into play. He needs to break the will of the enemy or rather his beloved. He didn't want to take emergency measures, but you just forced him. He comes up to you squatting down and takes your face by the chin, forcing you to look into his cold eyes. The prepared clothes fly to a chair that is too far from the bed to reach it, but it doesn't matter anymore.

"To be honest, I didn't think that you would calmly react to the move," you were outraged when you heard his words

"Moving in with you?!" you cry out. Tears are spurting from eyes. "Since when is kidnapping suddenly called moving?! I'm not a stray animal for you to just pick me up and stab me in the neck with various rubbish!"

"I could have been slower, but you just left me no choice. Seriously, I could no longer watch you live in that anthill and spend 10 hours in a dusty room earning yourself asthma. Although considering your problems with shoelaces, I would bet that you would have killed yourself earlier by falling off a stepladder or would have been crushed by one of those huge boxes with folders."

“what?.." a guess flashes through your head.

Of course, he could probably somehow get a dossier on you and find out the address of your residence, but… rearranged things, a mug… Did he break into your apartment? You've heard that Leon was one of the best. Patrick even once mentioned that the president himself constantly praised Leon and his services to the country could not be called insignificant. There are many successfully completed missions behind him, but you have never really cared about it. At least until you yourself become one of these successful missions.

"Your poor stomach won't thank you for stuffing it with these disgusting noodles and chocolate. You need to eat right, honey," his words make you angry "You need a proper daily routine, good sleep, fresh air and balanced nutrition. I can provide you with all this, but you only need to be my good girl."

Leon's hands grab you by the face and his forehead presses against yours when he closes his eyes, stroking your cheeks wet with tears with his thumb, then briefly and gently kissing your lips, which is why you try to turn away from him.

"Heal your head!" another shout and insult. "As an agent, you're probably supposed to have some fancy psychiatrist or psychologist!"

"It's true," he easily agrees, biting his lip and getting back on his feet. It still didn't work out in a good way to solve the issue "One way or another, you will obey me. I just wanted us to come to this without unnecessary conflict and tantrums, but if you like it more, then fine. Sit alone for a couple of days without food and water. And I'll come back later and you'll tell me about your decision."

"Wait!" You called out to him almost at the door when he had already turned the handle. Leon turned in anticipation of your words and probably there was still a glimmer of hope in him that you would accept his love right now without radical decisions. "You can't keep me here! My family and at work will be looking for me. No one will believe that I just disappeared!"

Leon only grinned briefly.

"Oh, sweetheart. People disappear every day and believe me, many don't care about them, and as for your family, they could take better care of you, but if they didn't, then this care falls on my shoulders"

The hope that it was just a way of intimidation for further submission glowed deep in your chest. No matter how much the soul did not want it, the brain still suggested that Leon was never the one for whom he could be mistaken. The sound of his footsteps quickly subsided and occasionally you could catch some rustling and knocking on the ground floor. Didn't want to know what Kennedy was doing there, but fear kept throwing up ideas about some sadistic torture room and the fact that he wanted you to forcibly become his girlfriend made you suspect of possible sexual abuse after which it would be impossible to become the same.

And yet the wounded deer jumps higher, fights more desperately. You tried to somehow take off your handcuffs, and to be honest with yourself, your hand was really hurting mercilessly that you wanted to howl. It will be quite difficult without an analgesic. The search for some kind of paper clip, an accidentally lying nail under the bed or something with which you could unlock the lock was not successful. However, you didn't have the hacking skill either, and the handcuffs definitely weren't from some sex shop. Steel bites into the skin until it bleeds, and it would be worth listening to Leon though in this: no need to make sudden movements. Moreover, there are already enough bloodstains on the bed linen, but you were so absorbed in despair that the brain simply ignored part of the pain, but very soon it will be very hard.

Add to that the fact that Leon decided to starve you.

At first, everything was even tolerable. The stomach began to cramp from hunger only in the evening add to this the fact that you are being kept locked up handcuffed to the bed makes your body exhausted. You cried for several hours, but Leon's mercy did not descend to you. It really wasn't a prank and he kidnapped you for his own purposes, which you didn't want to know anything about.

"Leon?.." is quieter than you wanted, you called him again.

It all seemed like a nightmare. Time dragged on so slowly that it was unbearable and scary from the unknown. You were hoping that Leon had made a mistake somewhere and the police would find you very soon, the main thing at this moment is to stay alive and not dead because you definitely won't be able to win by force against a government agent who has undergone professional training and completed many successful missions. When your nerves calmed down a little, you started thinking about how to deceive him. It may not be possible to escape, but send an SMS or make a call to the rescue service. You've heard these stories when a girl called under some pretext and was rescued, but will Leon trust you with the phone?

Later you heard footsteps. Probably Leon was listening to the sounds that you could make, but you were silent, looking at the door with the eyes of a frightened doe. However, nothing happened.

He's probably gone.

The throat was dry. You tightly squeezed your eyes shut trying to calm your breathing and come up with a plan of action. If hunger helped at first, then as time went on, the thought of food and water constantly stirred your thoughts.

there was one maddening silence around. Your wrist began to itch and throb painfully, the blood clotted, but at the slightest movement it began to bleed. It got dark outside again and it started to get cold. You carefully crawled under the blanket, covering your frozen feet with it, trying not to think about the desired water, especially since you had of blood loss. How long can you live without water? 3 days? 4 maybe 5 days?

"Please?" you whispered softly, starting to cry again and giving in to panic. "Leon?"

You needed painkillers. It was a bad idea to actively pull with your hand, but people often do what is not necessary when they panic and you had enough reasons to worry, but in the end there was no point in protesting. Not when you are on someone else's territory under the power of a physically strong person. And yet, most of you wanted to scream and scream, beat him and fight, and not invent plans to escape and naively rely on his mercy, which probably does not exist.

"Leon!" you called again louder in a plaintive voice, licking your dry lips. "Please… at least give me some water."

Drugs and stress perfectly lead to dehydration. Especially the first one considering that you were sick earlier. But Leon was still deaf to the pleas, it was generally quiet downstairs. Maybe he was already asleep?

By nightfall, the condition only worsened. You wrist was swollen and even the slightest movement caused hellish pain, throat was dry and your stomach hurt wildly that it began to seem that he began to digest himself. Maybe agents can safely endure such trials with dignity, but again, you have never been interested in this. You didn't even have the strength to cry.

Actually, it didn't take him two days because his heart was just bursting with pity for you.

Leon looked at you with such a puppy-dog look when you were sitting on the bed with your head bowed and trembling. Well, one day would be enough for his princess, and he sincerely hoped that this punishment would be more than enough.

Click.

You shuddered from another flash of pain and when you opened your eyes, you shuddered with fright when you came face to face with him again.

However, the handcuffs were removed.

"poor girl, I really didn't want anything," he threw the handcuffs on the bedside table, "But sometimes we have to do things that we don't like, right? if you hadn't screamed, things wouldn't be so bad right now and your arm wouldn't be swollen."

He stretched out his arms to lift you up, but noticed another resistance when your tired body moved away from him, which made Leon look at you with a threatening look again.

"Do you want to sit like this for another day?"

You nodded your head negatively and out of fear allowed him to lift you up to lower you to the first floor.

"Give me some water, please…" by God, this was the only thought in head

"Be patient angel" Leon's lips touched your temple when he put you on the sofa.

The glass of water handed to you turned out to be so desirable that it seemed you were a traveler lost in the desert who found an oasis. And yet Leon didn't limit you to one glass, allowing you to drink as much as you need, BUT in small sips. Given the thirst, you ignored his words and eventually choked, starting to cough while covering your face with your hand. Of course he didn't like it.

"Sure it's my fault, but you have to listen to me!" An irritated male voice made you shrink and look at him with those cute eyes that Leon loves and hates so much because you are afraid of him.

He put the first aid kit next to the table and took your wrist carefully, first examining the deep abrasion. You screamed loudly when Leon treated her with a disinfectant solution and then wrapped her in a bandage. having previously smeared some ointment, but it did not hurt less from this. And then he kissed you on the forehead like a brave child for whom it was a feat to endure such a thing.

"What do you want from me anyway?" you asked, afraid of the answer anyway, because your presence here did not bode well. "I didn't do anything wrong to you"

"I didn't say you did anything to me. I just want to take care and keep the one I love safe. In this case, it's you."

"Me?"

"Exactly," he smiled, sitting closer, "I wanted everything to be like everyone else, but you didn't give me a chance. Good for Patrick, too. And yet, to see how you walk everywhere where there is a potential danger… I just couldn't, Princess. I just couldn't take it anymore. But now I promise that I will take care of you and I know you better than you know yourself! Just leave all the tantrums of the fight. No more bumps or bites. I'm serious!"

Yes, there was a good mark of your teeth on his hand.

Although you didn't smile and were actually horrified by the human diversity, one thing was clear for sure even through fear - he wasn't going to kill you or…rape. The latter is not accurate, but the soul hoped for it.

"Just let's do it in order." You reluctantly nodded knowing that you have no choice "First we will put you in order, I will make you a bath and you wash, then you will eat and we will have a good rest and in the morning I will tell you about the rules with a fresh head. I will give you everything you want: books, clothes, cosmetics, whatever you want, but in return, no resistance, okay?!" Leon's hand stroked your tangled hair and at the same time pulled you closer to him against your will, but even despite a little resistance, he pressed you to his chest. "I won't be in a hurry. We will go slowly, there is no need to be afraid for me, the main thing is your safety, and there will be time for the rest"

And hear the joyful beating of his heart, you hoped only that you would have enough time to find help or escape, but for now… you may have to be not an obedient but a cunning girl, otherwise the consequences can be fatal.

For now, you need to wait for the moment and find its weaknesses.

[cottoncandiescupcakes]

'Ed is problematic' I mean yes obviously

'Izzy is problematic' Little man's a mess

'Stede Bonnet is problematic' Girl that's just Gilderoy Lockhart

But consider... the crew's worst crime

Frenchie: wanted to TURN A MAN'S BACK INTO A TABLE. What the hell Frenchie? Also... became first mate and Captain for NO reason. Pretty privilege is real.

Archie: Seduced Jim ON TOP OF AN UNCONSCIOUS MAN'S CUT OFF, ROTTING LEG. ??? Are you ok Archie.

Jim: Fully went with it because fuck Izzy and fuck his leg. Fuck men, disregard their feelings, look at Archie's boobs instead.

Spanish Jackie: IDK she's flawless. Kill more husbands, cut off more noses, I don't even care. Kill me too, the fuck. It's her world we're all just in it.

The Swede: showing up to Izzy's funeral with his pubes out. The gun show as well but who goes to a funeral with full bush? Like... it's 1720 have some decorum

Roach: Is the cook AND the surgeon but I never see him do either of those things. People are constantly starving, bleeding out, he's just there chilling smoking a cigarette butt

Fang: Keeps gaining pets but THE PETS ALL DISAPPEAR? Where's the goat Fang. WHERE'S THE GOAT. YOU'RE HUGGING THEM TOO HARD FANG.

Lucius: Wearing modern day flared jeans because Nathan Foad bought a pair at Urban Outfitters and they looked so good he refused to take them off. Why, Nathan? This is a crime

Innocent of all charges:

Zheng: A queen we mere mortals shouldn't judge

Oluwande: A baby face isn't a crime as far as I know

Buttons: He just wanted to be a seagull. Does he cannibalize other seagulls now??

[loveyourlovelysoul]

Growing up with someone who kept on judging you, pointing out when you were doing even the most normal things ever (as having a cookie at 4/5PM), but in a repetitive and kinda abusive way, is really painful. It shakes you from the inside. It makes you doubt about what you do, about you being wrong, not being enough. Especially if it's the cherry on top of many other abusive behaviours you have experienced.

It's something that probably your caregiver, being triggered themselves by that same action, cannot consciously understand nor refrain from doing. It's their mind going "Oh, they're doing this thing! Point it out! They're worse than you, yay!", cause of how they probably had to grow up as well, being judged, being accused for no particular reason. Maybe sometimes they still do that same action, but in their mind they feel as if it's wrong or aren't behaving (even if nobody judges them directly anymore, their mind is simply wired that way). They probably always felt a second choice compared with someone else in their family, not smart or good enough, they may have felt guilty too after doing any normal action, and now they seek comfort in judging others and feeling better than them. And seek validation from others as well, by pointing these things out loud too, in a repetitive way. Making you feel even worse. They may even compare what you do to other people that they normally consider "bad", people they like to watch and judge a lot, and point out their mistakes or quirks too. This ofc can only make it worse to you, cause your unconscious mind reads this as "You're as bad as them in your caregiver's mind". And it makes you shut down entirely and give up or stop your action. Which, instead, makes your caregiver get offended: "I was only saying, why do you stop?". And this starts a new situation: you are getting a double opposite feedback. And you don't know what to trust. You cannot trust someone that gaslights and manipulates you. But it's still their mind, not letting them see what they are doing to you, not letting them realize is what they have been going through all their life and are repeating onto you. They cannot stop or see the reason behind all that they are doing, they cannot understand that they are hurting you, even if they went through the same. Minds work so subtly at times.

But please, you. Try your best to let them be. Focus on you, do what you want and let your caregiver speak. Don't take their words so deeply into you. I know they pain you, I know. But focus on what makes you happy and, despite the abuse (which is hard to not pay attention too), find your way to complete any action you were doing that was supposed to make yourself happy, and to take care of yourself. Maybe tell your caregiver they are hurting you with their words. Talk with them, help them realize. Or just pretend they're not there. I know it's very hard, but I also know you can make it. You come first. and you're not doing anything wrong, despite what your caregivers' mind wants you to think. Push away from you their own trauma. It's not yours. It's not you.

This doesn't have to happen only with your caregivers tbh. It can happen also in other type of relationships. Your family though, may make these type of thoughts much more rooted inside of you cause you have been forming a lot of your emotional side in your early days. But whatever is the type of abusive relationship you may have experienced, please, try to find your peace of mind, to get away from it at least mentally. To stand your ground and talk things out (but ofc if it's someone way too abusive, just leave).

[mcflymemes]

PRIDE & PREJUDICE PROMPTS *  assorted dialogue from the 2005 film

you must know... surely, you must know it was all for you.

are you out of your senses?

we've been nonsensical!

i have struggled in vain and i can bear it no longer.

are you rejecting me?

did i just agree to dance?

makes it all so much more enjoyable, don't you think?

you really do love him, don't you?

i appreciate the struggle you have been through, and i am very sorry to have caused you pain.

you're wasting your time with me.

count your blessings.

don't look at me like that!

only the deepest love will persuade me into matrimony.

i'm very fond of walking.

no, i prefer to be unsociable and taciturn.

may i have the next dance?

these past few months have been a torment.

i wonder who first discovered the power of poetry in driving away love?

my brother gave it to me.

i have never been thus treated in my entire life.

do you talk, as a rule, while dancing?

so this is your opinion of me.

i had to see you.

it's been many years since i had such an exemplary vegetable.

oh, believe me, no one would suspect your manners to be rehearsed.

i've been so blind.

i've come to tell you the news.

oh, very well then.

i must ask you to leave immediately.

you have insulted me in every possible way.

not all of us can afford to be romantic.

i could not have parted with you to anyone less worthy.

i will never see you again if you do.

he looks miserable, poor soul.

yes. a thousand times yes.

i will not and certainly never shall.

i thought that poetry was the food of love.

you are too generous to trifle with me.

all of these things i am willing to put aside and ask you to end my agony.

there's a lot to be thankful for.

don't you dare judge me.

i don't understand.

thank you for explaining so fully.

now tell me once and for all: are you engaged to him?

if your feelings are still what they were last april, tell me so at once.

have you no objection other than your belief in my indifference?

believe me, it was unconsciously done.

what a shame, for i dearly love to laugh.

and those are the words of a gentleman.

my affections and wishes have not changed, but one word from you will silence me forever.

you have bewitched me, body and soul, and i love... i love... i love you.

i love you.

i cannot tease you about that.

forgive me for taking up so much of your time.

how are you this evening, dear?

is this your reply?

they are far too easy to judge.

i do not have the talent of conversing easily with people i have never met before.

i thought you hated the man.

will that make you happy?

we're doing our best to find a fault in you.

i never wish to be parted from you from this day on.

i wish you would not call me "my dear."

perhaps you should take your aunt's advice and practice?

what endearments am i allowed?

please, do be seated.

one of these days, someone will catch your eye and then you'll have to watch your tongue.

people do not die of colds.

i was wrong. i was entirely wrong.

are you too proud? and would you consider pride a fault or a virtue?

this is a charming house.

i am well acquainted with you.

please do me the honor of accepting my hand.

what do you recommend to encourage affection?

what should i call you when i am cross?

are you... are you laughing at me?

i can admire you much better from here.

shall i call for some tea?

i cannot believe that anyone can deserve you.

i love you. most ardently.

good day. it's been a pleasure.

i have no idea.

did you walk here?

let us take a turn about the room.

it is a small kind of accomplishment, i suppose.

will you not join us?

i've never seen so many pretty girls in my life.

she is the most beautiful creature i have ever beheld.

why do you ask such a question?

what have you discovered?

we are all fools in love.

i have other reasons. you know i have.

i do not deny it.

[chaoticbeanz]

Hellfire's Girl

Summary- A new girl moves to Hawkins and has already made an impression. 

Pairing- Eddie Munson x Fem!oc

Warnings- friends to lovers, slow burn, she/her pronouns, cursing, mainly nickname will be used, 

Notes- This is my first Eddie fic. Also, I will be straying from the storyline. Please don't forget to comment. I'd love to hear feedback.

Masterlist

~Lena~

Moving to Hawkins wasn't as bad as I had originally thought. Sure it sucks that I had to leave, but knowing I was only about 3 hours away from my friends made me feel better about it.

Starting my senior year in a new high school on the other hand… blows.

Well, it would have if I cared about fitting in. Back home no one judged. But here? Oh boy did they. I had to keep some of my hobbies on the down low, for now at least. Apparently, Dungeons and Dragons was considered “Devil worshipping”. So much for me trying to find people to teach me how to play. Or so I thought. Barely one week in Hawkins High is all it took for me to make a friend. Or a few.

~English class~

I was sitting in the back because I couldn't pay attention today. I was a passing student so I wasn't worried. 

As I tuned out the teacher, I started doodling on what should've been my notes. The only thing on my mind was smoking my last joint that was tucked away in my car. I was unconsciously drawing clouds around the leaf I had made on my paper.

“Hey, New girl.” I heard whispers next to me. Turning my head to see a boy wearing a shirt with the words “Hellfire Club”. Maybe it was a new band?

“Do you partake or just like drawing?”

This felt like a trick question. Was he trying to get me caught or being friendly? I've learned quickly not to trust anyone yet. The jocks and the cheerleaders are the royalty in the ranks. Any lower on the food chain and you're a target no matter what.

He felt my hesitation to the question so he continued, “I only ask because if you need “flower”- he points to my picture- I know a guy.”

That sounds even more suspicious! I lean in slightly whispering, “You do realize how that sounds like a total set up right? Why should I trust you?”

The boy puts his hands up in defense.“That's fair. But wouldn't me asking you just be me outing myself? Why would I rat both of us out?”

“Touche.”

“I’m Gareth by the way.”

“Lena. And hypothetically if I were to say I had “flower”. Would you partake?”

“Uh Duh.” We both laughed silently.

“You seem pretty cool Gareth.” I could tell that took him by surprise but he tried to cover it up. 

“Uh, thanks. So do you.” he paused for a second “Would you wanna come sit with me and my friends during lunch? I can't guarantee that you'll think they'll be as cool as me but…” I giggled.

“I’d love to. And trust me if they're like you I'll like them way better than the “royalty”.”

With that said the bell had rung, dismissing everyone for lunch. I put my notebook in my bag seeing Gareth standing in the corner of my eye. Like he's waiting for me. How sweet.

“I have to put some stuff in my locker. You can go ahead and I'll find you.” I smiled at him. He nodded his head but looked unsure. Like he thought I was lying about sitting with them. Nonetheless, he walks out of the room towards the lunch room while I head to my locker.

~3rd Person~

As Gareth walked to the lunch room, he thought about Lena. Was she being serious about sitting with them? Regardless he would have to mention her to his friends. Even if she didn't sit with them she was one of the good ones.

As he walks through the doors, a roar of multiple conversations bounces off the walls. He grabs his lunch and then heads to his table with his dungeon master and best friend seated at the head of the table.

The kiddies arrived just as he sat down. Now was his chance.

“Hey guys, I invited the new girl to sit with us.”

Everyone at the table paused as if processing what Gareth had said. Then a chorus of laughs erupted from the group. “I’m serious!”

Eddie wipes a fake tear from his eye. “Good one Gare.”

“Yeah like a girl is gonna sit with us.”Jeff rolls his eyes.

“You're delusional man!”

With Gareth trying to defend himself and the group in denial, they had not noticed Lena approaching their table.

~Lena~

I rushed to my locker to dump whatever I didn't need for my next classes. Then into the bathroom to make sure I didn't look crazy. I wanted to make a good first impression on Gareth's friends. It’d be nice to have real people to hang out with who are not snobby rich fakers.

When I got to the cafeteria I scanned the room to find Gareth while going through the line to just get some fruit. Surprised that they had peaches I grabbed two then spotted Gareth after I paid. 

As I was heading to the table, a blonde cheerleader I met earlier stopped me. I think her name was Chrissy.

“Hey, would you like to sit with me and the girls?” she smiled sweetly.

“Oh thanks but I've got a seat already.” offering her a smile back. I didn't want to hurt her feelings because she seemed like the only genuine popular girl I'd met.

“Oh, that's okay! Maybe next time.” she then walked away to her table.

I started walking again and as I approached the table it seemed like they were arguing about something. Before you could catch what was going on they all fell quiet when you stood in front of their table. Looking at the boy standing at the opposite side of the table. 

~3rd Person~

Eddie was not buying it for one second as soon as the sentence left Gareth's mouth. A new girl sitting with them? The freaks of Hawkins High? Yeah right. But alas Eddie believed that Gareth was committed to the bit til he had enough. He stood from his chair and slammed his hands on the table.

“For fucks sake! Why would she…” 

He never finished his sentence. Once he saw her walking and stop right in front of his table he was speechless. No one ever makes Eddie Munson speechless. 

The boys turned to see why he shut up and were equally astonished, besides Gareth of course. He wore a smug smile, crossing his arms and leaning back into his chair. 

“Uh hi. Gareth said I could sit with you guys.”

Silence from the whole table. They just couldn't believe that Gareth was telling the truth. With no response, she tried again.

~Lena~

“Is that okay?” I asked as I looked at the boy directly across from me. He seemed like the leader of the pack so I awaited his response. But nothing. They all just stared at me like they had never seen a girl before. I don't know if I should be flattered or concerned. Before I could feel embarrassed and think this was a bad idea, Gareth spoke up.

“Here, you can sit next to me.” He scooted the chair next to him out for me to sit.

I sat down hesitantly, eyeing everyone as they still didn't speak. Lingering a little longer on the curly long-haired boy. He was cute no doubt. I toss that thought immediately away. Friends Lena. You're making friends. It was too soon to be having a crush on someone.

“Don't mind them. They didn't believe me when I said you were sitting with us.”

Gareth went around the table, introducing everyone to me. Next to him was Jeff. Across from me was Mike, and to his right was Dustin and Doug. Lastly, at the head of the table was Eddie. “Guys, this is Lena.”

I gave them all a smile and waved. Also noticed that they all wore the same shirt. I made a mental note to ask about it.

 Dustin seemed to be the first of the group to come to his senses. “So, where are you from?”

“Harrison. It's about a half hour outside of Cincinnati.”

“What made you come to Hawkins?” Mike asked with a confused face.

“Uh, well my dad overlooks construction jobs. The company he works for has a new location. So he decided to move closer since he’ll be running that place.”

Everyone seemed to become more comfortable as I answered their questions. Seemingly deciding that I wasn't a threat. As I talked I subconsciously worked on opening my peach. It was what I always did to them. Slightly crack open the top, and run my finger all the way around. Now and then lick my finger to stop the juice from running down my hand then twist until it splits in half.  Once opened I took a bite and noticed they all were staring again.

“What?” I said wiping the corner of my mouth.

“How in the hell did you just do that?” Jeff asked.

I couldn't help but giggle. “It’s my party trick.” I took another bite.

~3rd Person~

“Is that okay?”

The way she looked at Eddie stirred something inside of him. Genuinely asking for permission. His permission to sit with them. He was so dumbfounded to speak. Just taking her in. From her pretty brown eyes to the Queen t-shirt and jeans she wore that hugged her curves in all the right places to her ring-adorned hands holding peaches. She looked godsent. Well, at least that's what Eddie was thinking. He got a weird feeling as he saw you take the seat next to Gareth. Jealousy? What? No way he was already crushing on the new girl?! He barely even spoke a word to her, just listened to her answer any questions the guys had.

He watched her as she absentmindedly moved her fingers through the peach. His mind started creating naughty thoughts he couldn't shake away. The way she licked her fingers, completely oblivious to what she was doing to him. The juice of the peach slipped out the corner of her mouth as she took a bite. All he wanted to do was lick it off her. Oh, how he was already done for. 

Jeff was the first to express his bewilderedness. Man, hearing her giggle? Eddie wanted to bottle it up and keep it forever.

“It’s how I've always eaten peaches. They're my favorite,” she says like it is the most obvious answer in the world. Before anyone could ask about the side with the pit, she does the same trick to split it again in half and then pop the clean pit out. She holds out a slice offering it up to anyone. Before Eddie could act, Dustin took the offering.

“Well in that case should we be calling you Peaches then?” Gareth joked.

She pondered the thought and then shrugged with a smile. “I wouldn't mind that.” Right at that moment, Hellfire as a collective decided that from now on they would only call her Peaches.

Tagged: @luv4peterba1lard @arlxtarts @midnyghtsolstice

Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it.

If you would like to be tagged or share your thoughts please leave a comment. It would be greatly appreciated.

part 2 underway

[0809sysblings]

Amane, indoctrination, and gaslighting

and why voting Amane innocent would be the best course of action

I've been wanting to write a big post on Amane talking about indoctrination and such. Because I see takes sometimes that make it clear the person doesn't really... Get It.

Most of what I'll be explaining comes from my personal experiences growing up.

Additionally, most of what I say when it comes to outcomes (i.e. "If x happens, Amane will do y") will be based on the assumption that realism, not entertainment, is prioritized in the writing and that there are no major holes in our knowledge of what's going on. Theoretically anything could happen since this is a fictional scenario and we don't know everything when it comes to the world, the cases, and the characters. Not to mention my situation was nowhere near as extreme as hers. So although I probably have a better understanding of it than most people, I definitely can't claim that I know what she's gone through.

Personal anecdotes I add to better support my points will be in the small font (this!) since I don't want them to distract from the main text and so that they can be easily skipped for those who may be worried about being triggered. But if anyone needs plain text descriptions, I'll happily provide them!

!! TW for child abuse, religious abuse, and cults !!

I recommend skipping my personal anecdotes if more detailed discussions about these topics are a trigger for you.

At the heart of "good" (read: successful) indoctrination is gaslighting.

Since gaslighting has been one of the many psychology terms completely watered down and distorted by the internet, I will define it just so we're all on the same page!

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation used to make the victim question their own sanity, sense of reality, or power of reasoning.

Basically, you can't trust yourself. You can't trust your thoughts, your feelings, your interpretations, etc. You become completely reliant on other people (usually specific people who are the ones doing the gaslighting) to figure out what's real/true or not.

Toxic/extremist religious groups like to take gaslighting a step further though. Not only do they make it so you cannot trust yourself to judge what is right or not, they may also teach you that what feels wrong is actually right. You can see where this can start to cause some issues lol.

Anything your gut may tell you that contradicts what the group/cult leaders tell you—"this is wrong!", "this is bad!", "I don't want to do this..."—must be ignored. Because those feelings and thoughts, according to the leaders, are actually the sinful part of you trying to lead the good and faithful part of you astray. They make you question yourself to make sure you never question them.

They will figuratively or literally beat this into you until your first instinct is no longer to listen to your gut and do what it says, but to dismiss it and do what it's telling you not to do. Existing becomes a chronic power struggle between your unconscious mind and your conscious mind. Unfortunately, the fact that you're struggling often then gets used against you as proof that you need to follow their teachings. Because if you're unhappy, then you must be doing something wrong. You just need to have a little more faith, dedicate a little more time to the religion/group, go a little harder into your duties... Only then will you feel better—feel more enlightened.

An integral part in making all this work is isolation. If you don't somehow isolate the members, they may figure out that they're being manipulated and abused.

Now, isolation doesn't always mean purely physical isolation (though Amane is being isolated physically to at least some capacity). Psychological isolation is almost just as powerful. An almost universal psychological isolation tactic used by extremist groups and cults is the "Us vs Them" mentality. We can see this being very prominent with Amane. A lot of things she talks about with regard to the cult involves an Us-vs-Them dynamic. There is "Us", the cult, and "Them", everyone else.

Personally, we were taught that those who weren't believers of our religion were out to get us or will, at the very least, get us hurt/killed somehow. We were told many people wanted us dead just for being believers. You had to be careful and watch out when interacting with non-believers; you couldn't trust them. God was constantly testing you via others, and you had to make sure you stayed faithful.

This in particular is why no matter if you vote guilty or innocent, that itself will not actually do anything to change her beliefs. Voting her guilty will not make her start to feel bad and then question her beliefs. Voting her innocent will not make her listen to us and then question her beliefs. If we make her have any doubt about the cult, that's just proof to her that what we're telling her is wrong and is just another "trial" from God for her to overcome. So, changing her beliefs should not be a factor considered when voting since it's completely irrelevant. Everything can be twisted to support the cult. That's just how it works.

I don't think any amount of punishment will make Amane "come to her senses". I mean... what could we possibly do to her that she hasn't already had to endure? Punishment will likely only escalate things even more. Not to mention that having a bit of a fascination with martyrdom isn't all that uncommon in those who have been religiously abused and indoctrinated. The threat of punishment may only serve to motivate her to double down on her beliefs and behavior. Not to say she wants and likes punishment. It's obvious she's both scared of punishment and wants it to stop. After all, that's most likely the motive behind the murder.

Even prior to Amane's age, I was already fantasizing about being a martyr. A part of me almost wanted to be killed for my religion and community. It was seen as something extremely admirable. The ultimate sacrifice, if you will. We were taught that if given the choice between saving yourself by denying your faith or letting yourself be hurt/killed by standing your ground, you should choose the latter. Of course, I also did not want that to happen at all. It scared me shitless. But we weren't allowed to be scared about that stuff. It was seen as questioning God and the religious authorities, which was completely taboo. So I had no choice but to "want" it.

Isolating Amane is the worst possible thing we could do to her. No one gets better from being isolated, and this goes double for people living in abusive environments. She's been isolated her whole life. The best thing for her would be spending time with the other prisoners without restrictions. The more time she spends around people who have no connection to the cult, the better. Trying to argue with those in cults about why they're wrong and why they are in a cult (because most don't even recognize they're in a cult due to the gaslighting, indoctrination, and stigma) will almost always backfire. The best thing to do is to just be there for them to have someone to interact with who is not a cult member.

The only reason I left the extremist religious community I grew up in was because I made a friend who was not affiliated with it. I don't think I would've been able to see that the conditions I was living in were Not Very Good without that friend. He didn't even really do anything to actively help me. Just learning more about the real world through him was enough to make me start looking closer at my life.

To vote her guilty would be to continue isolating her. Not just physically as the guilty prisoners get restrictions put on them, but it's also an inescapable psychological isolation. Innocent vs Guilty is just another Us vs Them dynamic.

I fear that, if she ends up guilty this trial, she will likely be voted guilty again in trial 3. Her aggression will probably only escalate as she feels herself becoming more and more cornered. And since I know many people are voting her guilty solely to make sure she doesn't hurt Shidou or other prisoners, I can only imagine what the voting will look like for her in trial 3 once she's forced to become even more aggressive to protect herself.

And tbh... I can't imagine that having a prisoner with 3 guilty verdicts will make for all that interesting of a story for them. Not that it would be boring, per se. But having variety would, in my opinion, be the most interesting and entertaining! So, if nothing else I've said has been able to sway those who vote her guilty, then think about the entertainment factor!

Please vote this severely traumatized 12 y/o girl innocent. We can give her so many secret cakes to eat.

[mischiefmanaged71]

The Great War (1/10)

Summary: After landing in a place he has no idea about, Tom comes across someone who can finally help him get back to Manchester

Pairing: Tom Bennett x fem! reader

A tired hand ran down her face as she walked down the hall of the infirmary, performing her checks on the new influx of patients. The hospital received a load of men from the shore - soldiers from a shipwreck at Dunkirk. She expected the same sight of doctors and nurses tending to bloody wounds, and unconscious patients. To her surprise, she heard a series of loud voices shouting over each other as she followed the cacophony of a struggle down the aisle of beds. 

Her sight was blocked by a few men crowding a bed, the patient seemingly unwilling as he shouted as they tried to get him to lay back.

"Get your grubby hands off me!"

"We're trying to help you!" Dr O’Conner shouted.

He had bandages wrapped around his shoulder, and blood was still stained on his skin. 

“How are a bunch of cowards going to keep me safe?” he said, leaning into the man's face intimidatingly.

“What’s going on here?” she spoke up, waving a hand to grab their attention. The situation diffused as the men stepped back from the bed. She felt the man’s eyes on her as she glanced at him, waiting for an answer.

“He’s refusing treatment.”

She paused, nodding in understanding. The woman clasped her, “Alright. I'll see to it. Move onto the next patient.”

The doctor nodded in response, the flock of men around him leaving with him. She held her head high as the men tipped their heads at her as they left the room. Her gaze finally fell on the man in the bed as she felt him studying her. 

“What’s your problem with them? They’re just trying to help you.” She stood in front of the bedpost.

“Oh yeah, like all the help we received before, right?”

“We can’t judge people for the actions of a whole group. As I’m sure you’re not actually angry at them.”

Y/N could see as he visibly relaxed, grimacing as he tried to sit up. She moved forward, offering an arm as she helped him sit against the bedframe. Her hands felt the tension in his muscles as he strained, exhaling as the pressure came off his injury. 

“That’s a little close, love. We’ve only just met.”

She sighed at that, holding back a chuckle as she moved back to stand at the bedside. “Why are you refusing their help?”

“No one’s coming here to help us. I don’t have time to sit around and wait for the Germans to pick us off.”

“I understand that, but you just barely survived on that beach. You need to accept medical attention.”

“I need to get back to English soil.” he rebutted.

He was a stubborn one, if anything. She furrowed her brows, a sigh building in her throat. Her hands felt into her pockets as she tilted her head. “You’re not going to be able to go anywhere when you can’t walk.”

“Oh, this.” he pointed at his wrapped shoulder, “This is nothing. I’ll just be on my merry way if you’ll point me in the right direction.”

He leaned up to get off the bed, evidently straining against the pain stretching at his limb. Her hand found his arm as she leaned down, urging him to sit back. “You should trust me.”

“I don’t know you.”

She nodded, “Yes, but you don’t have many options, especially out there. You're a clear target on your own. And you’re likely suffering from head trauma.”

“My head is fine.” he caught her gaze defiantly.

She narrowed her eyes, assessing his pupils “Yes, you’re dilated pupils tell me that perfectly.”

“You staring into my eyes, love?” A smirk sliding onto his features. 

At least he was in better spirits than before. He did have beautiful blue eyes, she noted.

“I’m a nurse. That’s my observation.”

He sighed, visibly tired from his efforts, “Then when can I leave?”

She folded her arms across her chest, “When I can see that you’re not about to collapse or fall to infection.”

“At your mercy. That’s how it is.” he nodded. 

“You don’t know the terrain here. You’d get lost.”

“I’d figure it out. My determination to get home would outweigh it.”

“Of course.” she smiled, a smugness behind her look as she assessed the work of the previous doctor, grazing her hand over the bandage. “And how would you get past the German soldiers at the checkpoints? The patrols? They're around every corner checking identification, which I suppose you have, of course."

His smirk fell from his face, his jaw clenching.

"And you don't speak French." she caught his gaze. “If you want to get back, you’ll need to learn to trust.”

“How am I gonna get out of here?”

A bout of silence passed between them, and Y/N sat down on the edge of the bed. She caught a glimpse of the desperation on his face, having seen it in every soldier that came through these parts. The once hopeful and determined faces, strained by war injuries and fear. They were all simply human, desperate to just go home and leave this bloodshed behind.

“I have a dad and sister back home.”

She relented, finally sensing he had calmed down, “Where are you from?”

“Manchester.”

Her eyebrows furrowed, confirming his accent was from the region. She had spent time abroad in England during her years of study. 

“I’ve been there before. A long time ago. It was...different.”

His eyebrows raised at the that, a breathy laugh leaving his lips “Don’t sound so excited.”

“No, it was nice. It is certainly different from what I’m used to. That is what was comforting about it. I did enjoy the seaside.”

A smile crossed his lips as he side, his face relaxed “Not much else to do.”

“And what do you do? Back home?”

“Oh,” he wore this smirk that read of mischief that caused a stir in her chest at his handsome features. “I just get into trouble. You see, I’m what they call...a nuisance.”

She tilted her head at that, seeing where they could be coming from as she shook her head. He was certainly trouble from the way he smirked and flirted with her unapologetically. 

“Does trouble have a name?”

“Tom. Bennett.”

“Tom.” she hummed, standing from her seat. 

A hand grasped her’s, bringing her attention back. A warmth spread over her face at the contact, bringing her eyes back to his.

“You’re not gonna tell me yours? Doesn’t seem like a fair trade, love.” his eyes alight.

She chuckled quietly, leaning down “It’s Y/N.” 

He waited expectantly, “Y/L/N.” she finished, flushing as he caressed her hand. Ever the charmer. She supposed he was always like this.

“Get some rest, I’ll come back tomorrow morning.”

“You’re not keep me company?”

“I have other patients to see to.” she smiled at his enticed expression, seeking out her attention. “Please, just listen to the doctors and try not to cause trouble.”

“You’re asking a lot!” he remarked, leaning back against his bed as she wandered to the exit.

“Tomorrow.” she promised.

[chloe-caulfield94]

Chloe has been a "good good influence" on Max

In Episode 3, having heard Max utter her first "hella", Chloe joked that she was a "good bad influence" on Max. On the surface level, that remark referred to Max becoming more "cool" by hanging out with Chloe, but I think that Chloe's influence on Max went far beyond superficial (and ultimately unimportant) things like style and fashion.

When they were reunited, Chloe was at the lowest point in her life. She was barely functioning, or outright non-functioning in all her social roles. She was in danger both physically (of being murdered) and emotionally (of drowning in her own sorrow). So when Max rescued her from certain death, made her smile and laugh for the first time in years and made her feel like she had a reason to stay in Arcadia Bay, it was very easy to see the positive influence she had on Chloe's life.

But the way I see it, Chloe had a similarly profound (and positive) influence on Max's life.

Chloe saved Max in the parking lot, giving her a timely ride. In the boys' dorms in Episode 4, she shielded Max with her own body from an armed and enraged Nathan (on those two occasions Chloe worked in tandem with Warren, but I don't think it cheapens Chloe's - or Warren's - efforts. Helping others is not a zero-sum game, where only one person can get the full credit). In the version of events where Frank lunged to Max's throat, knife in hand, Chloe stopped him by shooting him in the leg. And on Friday, Chloe dragged unconscious Max all the way from the beach to the lighthouse, while the world was ending around them.

Even more importantly, Chloe helped Max on a deeper, emotional level. Max had her own demons to fight, even if their existence wasn't so obvious to the outside observer as it was with Chloe's. Sometimes people hurt under the surface.

Before being reunited with Chloe, Max struggled with self-doubt, lack of confidence and propensity to constantly second-guess herself. She was so unsure of her worth that she couldn't even submit a photograph for a silly school contest, choosing to rip it up instead of putting a part of herself up for others to see (and judge). That dreadful feeling of inadequacy impacted all facets of Max's life.

The reactions Max's classmates have when she chats them up in Episode 1 show that over a month into the school year, her self-doubt and lack of confidence prevented her from making any serious social headways. "You never talk. Just zone out with your camera" (Juliet). "Max, you're smart to be a loner here" (Dana). "Hey, I know you. You're the new quiet girl" (Stella, in response to "Hey there, Stella").

How is it even possible that the same girl, barely four days later, told a serial killer to "eat shit and die" while bound in his torture chamber, before driving a car through a hurricane? What happened to her in the meantime? Or rather WHO happened to her in the meantime?

Throughout the week, on multiple occasions Chloe gave Max exactly the sort of life advice she needed to hear. "It's time to start moving forward in time". "Stop being so goddamn humble. You're like the smartest, most talented person I've ever known". "Once you get over yourself, you're going to make the world bow". "Every great artist gets rejected before they get accepted. So you have to enter a photo". "Stop beating yourself up". "You're kind and caring. Nobody could have a better best friend". "You need to accept how awesome you are". "You're Maxine Caulfield... and you're amazing".

Chloe's advice was simple and straightforward, but that doesn't make it any less helpful, wise or heartfelt. And the constant affirmation and praise must've been like manna from the heavens for someone struggling with feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.

Max's and Chloe's relationship has always been a two-way street. They both saved each other, in ways different and alike. Only standing side by side they had a chance at defeating their demons.

Chloe's demon was hopelessness. The fear that not a single person would choose to stand by her. That she would have no one to go through life with. This is why she grasped so hard at Rachel's idea to leave Arcadia Bay. Because before Max's return, the dream of skipping town with Rachel was the only piece of hope for a better tomorrow Chloe had left. So she held on to it, even after Rachel left her a letter describing how she had met someone new and exciting. And she kept searching for Rachel, even though you didn't have to be a pessimist to conclude that she was in all likelihood dead. But then someone unexpected, yet very much desired, reappeared and stayed at Chloe's side.

When the Storm hit, Max's and Chloe's demons, feeling the stranglehold they used to have over their victims loosen, launched a desperate, last-ditch attack.

Max's demon, self-doubt, sent her a nightmarish vision that was supposed to make her second-guess all her choices, efforts and sacrifices. Did I do the right thing? Was she worth all that? Does she really care about me? Or is she just using me? And finally, the demon wearing Max's face tried to tempt her into nipping in the bud something that would blossom into a good and beautiful flower. Just like it successfully had tempted her into tearing up a photograph that would've won the contest. Only this time the stakes were infinitely higher - love, life and the future.

Chloe's demon tried to claw from her that one last bit of hope for a better tomorrow she had left. How could she want to be with me, now that she has seen how broken I am, what the price is for being with me? And the demon was victorious. So Chloe gave up and opened a door for Max to leave. "I don't blame you for wanting me out of your life". "You proved that over and over again... even though I don't deserve it. I'm so selfish". "Maybe you've just been delaying my real destiny... [...] I know I've been selfish, but for once I think I should accept my fate... our fate".

Ultimately, the fate of the battle was decided by one final, dramatic blow, as is often the case when heroes face off against demons. Holding the butterfly photograph, Max had the power to slay both demons. Or to let them win. To prove them right. To admit that for Chloe there was no hope for better days. And that Max would never stop second-guessing her choices. Not for anyone. Not even for someone who was her number one priority, the only thing that mattered to her.

I choose to believe that Max Caulfield, the hero, standing amidst the howling winds, clad in her newly-found confidence like a suit of armour, slew two demons with one blow, dealt with the most powerful weapon in all of creation - love.

[psychelis-new]

pick a pile: "Your true colors - (3/7) Yellow"

take a breath and choose the photo or number that calls you the most to read a message for you from the color yellow, the third of the 7 rainbow's colors. in this serie of readings about the rainbow's colors, I will try to channel about your true colors, so to help you look inside and see your most beautiful self, appreciate yourself more and hopefully provide some type of guidance if necessary. as cindy lauper would say: "your true colors are beautiful like a rainbow", so let's look at them and hear what they have to say to you and how they (you) can help you look at things in a more positive way.

yellow is the color of intellect, happiness, optimism, confidence, power, charisma, humor, leadership (solar plexus chakra)... in this reading, I'll try to analyze this side of your character.

you can find the other colors' readings in the pacs list in my pinned post

don’t take the reading too seriously. only take what resonates with you and leave the rest. if you're not called by any pile, let this reading slid as it may not hold messages for you. if you're called by more than one pile, there may be messages in each of those piles. remember that is a general reading and some things may not resonate with you. energies can change and readings are based on present ones (as you read); you're always in charge of your life.

(photos found on unsplash)

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1 2 3 - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ -

pile 1 (pile 3 may have messages as well, if you feel called by it too you can check it)

You may try to hide yourself a bit, cause you don't feel confident enough or cause it scares you to have others around judging you. Probably you've been judged (maybe gaslighted too) a lot in your past, even on small useless stuff. You don't like to be under the spotlight, you rather stay behind the scenes, but what you don't see is how worthy and deserving of staying there in the light you actually are. You're funny and bright, but you hide behind your walls made of fears and insecurities. You don't let that cool side of yours show that often or that much. Ofc you may have blockages around trusting new people, but it's like you kind of let only a few chosen ones into your core self. Something, or better someone, or a bunch of different people and situations, may have really hurt you in the past. Probably you felt like you were treated in a special way and then you were abandoned out of nowhere, and it feels like you've been betrayed and told lies by all those people. And your mind sees that as an evidence of your fears: you're not worthy, not enough. But honestly, you can't let others decide your worth: especially those people who cannot see it or understand it fully, or treat you as you deserve or show you care and only send you mixed signals. Trust your guts: you are an amazing being. Validate your feelings, realize what you've been through, grieve about what has been but realize also that nobody has the right or power to give you a value or remove it from you. Only you can give yourself value, and you have plenty honestly. You know, I just read that elks energy's is about taking and radiating pride in the self, having perseverance, endurance, resilience and strenght to reach your dreams and seen that you have elks in your picture, you should totally start doing the same cause you can. Believe in yourself and your power more, see your real self, not what others see of you (they cannot grasp you fully anyway, especially if you don't let them in: how can they "judge" the real you?). Build a better relationship with yourself: the way you see yourself has a lot to do with your fears about others may see you. If you only see flaws in you, you may fear others will do the same (and you may unconsciously let them notice those alone as well, while there's more of you... I heard irony, so you may use that too if necessary). You don't start nor end with your flaws (which all the humans have anyway). You're much more than this. Realize it and remind yourself of the amazing soul you are. Keep doing that until you won't be scared anymore to be seen and won't run away from others but let them into your amazing world, having no fear of being seen and even "judged" for who you are. You are you, and you should never be sorry about it. Take pride in the person you are and in the fact that you are even willing to make yourself better (not for others, but only and always for yourself).

song: mammamia | maneskin; my way | frank sinatra (channeled in my mind during your reading)

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pile 2

I think you have it all: you're fun, gentle, cool, kind, a positive presence in others' lives as you're able to cheer them up pretty easily. It feels like you know what to say almost all the times, no matter what they go through. You also know how to make them think and believe in themselves more. But... you are somewhat afraid of taking charge and being that same person for yourself. It's as if you unconsciously thought of yourself as someone "less than" or... you're too focused on others that you forget about yourself or end up having not much time left for you. That's not good. Ofc, you're doing an amazing job and all the ones that happen to be in contact with you, even to exchange only a few words, may feel relieved, happy and glad that you're around (you may be able to grasp the smallest change in someone's mood or energy and kinda know what's the matter without even talking, you know how to adapt to the other person -despite at times you may overthink a little too much and let your mind wander and get to a point where it's your fears talking... and basically misinterpret it all). We're all thankful for you being around btw. But you need to value yourself as much as you do with others, to give yourself the same amount of attention and support and time. You need time for yourself, for your hobbies, for anything you want. Maybe your boundaries need to "level up" (I literally heard a videogame music here like in Super Mario, maybe it's a sign for someone). I am not saying you need to be harsher or not help others at all, but rethink about urgencies and priorities. Evaluate situations better: sometimes we perceive an urgency in an answer we need to give when actually there's none. It's just our need to be of help asap talking and fearing the other will feel let down (maybe you felt/feel the same) while in reality we're just asking for a little break to regain our energies (which you totally can do: just openly tell the other). Actually, thinking it over a little more and taking our time, can also let us be more accurate and find better words to understand the other and explain ourselves. And maybe will help also the other person to calm down and gain another point of view too in the meantime (sometimes people just want to be listened to and feel seen/acknowledged... I know you know, I'm only reminding you). It also seems like you're waiting for something to happen and you're not really going after what you want by taking charge. Maybe you don't know how and that's fine. It will come to you the moment you try to focus on yourself again a bit more (if you first think about others' problems, you cannot focus on yours accurately). I think you have all you need to make it, but sometimes you don't believe this, you don't believe in yourself... Start believing in your power, plan things for you too, be your own cheerleader as well, not just others'. You need yourself more than anyone else. Ofc, others may need you too, but they can rely on more sources and on themselves as well in the meantime. Give yourself the things you want as well. (I think this pile could also have some people pleasing and codependency tendencies, but maybe not everyone: most of you are a very giving person and may get carried away with it -meditate on this though). Also you have time, the right amount of time you need to do everything, for yourself and others too... just schedule it better. Be more in control of it. Do not wait for others to take control of your life or tell you what to do, do not wait for things to happen to you, go after them and make them happen. Take yourself to the other side of the window from which you're looking at your life. Be the protagonist of your story. You can and honestly have to: you deserve that for yourself.

song: come away with me | norah jones; the silence | manchester orchestra (it popped up)

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pile 3 (pile 1 may have messages as well, if you feel called by it too you can check it)

Pile 3 you're pretty smart, probably you have lot of air placements in your chart, but even if you haven't, you do appear as someone cultured and book-smart/well-read as well. You may love to read or gather infos/learn here and there about any random subject. Your mind is well structured and if you put it to something, you know you can reach amazing results (at times you just tend to not do that out of laziness? lol I understand). There's some type of confidence here anyway which is very good. I'd say you're pretty analytical. But it feels that this is also "your cage", or has become this. Maybe you feel like people mostly uses you for your knowledge and your abilities to solve problems or find solutions, and after that you're left alone. Or you use this side of yours as a way to hide your more emotional self (you deal with emotions through your analytical mind, which is not that bad per se, it could be a way to start). You may feel a bit lost on how to relate with others. It feels like... you don't know how to manage your emotions well, you shy away when it comes to express anything emotional. You don't know how to deal and express them properly. Maybe you fear being too much at times, and be seen as too much or made fun of. It's like, you don't know well this "emotional world" or how to navigate it, and you feel more at ease and in control in the analytical world, where "things have strict rules", or something like that. You know you can't mess up things there, while relationships may sound a bit scary and make you feel a bit lost. Try to work on the relationship with yourself, to know your emotional self first. To let yourself see yourself. It's nothing too scary: don't you know that math is the base of everything in life? (And yeah, if you don't like it or don't get it much, by any chance, it's cause of this too... dw).

But anyway, you're smart, you can find the key to your emotions as well and you can learn to relate with them and talk with them and about them with others too. You only need to work on that a little more and... to let go of your control a little more. Make mistakes even (which you may fear a lot: but they're part of learning, remember?). Emotions are about this too: letting go, letting yourself feel them and experience them without any fear or restriction. Emotions aren't as structured as you'd like them to, but they're complex. And I think you may enjoy complex things (probably you like to solve puzzles or something like that, maybe you enjoy detective movies/series or anything of that kind), so work on emotions with your analytical mind this way. You can do that too to start with, as mentioned above. And the moment you'll realize there's nothing really scary about them and you can process them with your mind to transform them into feelings (you can control your feelings based on your experience and perception and explain them to you), you'll be able to let them flow through yourself, your body in particular too. Don't be scared to feel, you are able to find solutions about that too so trust yourself on this. Be more positive about this experience and about yourself (I think you are a positive person, you just feel a bit insecure at times when you don't know where to put your mind to or when there aren't determined rules to follow -which yeah emotions don't have). And if you cannot navigate this world alone, find someone else that can help you. You don't have to sail on that boat by yourself. Or you can read books on this matter (especially psychology stuff I hear?). Don't be scared of being in touch with yourself and get even more in touch with others. Let them guide you too if you need. Maybe you're a bit shy or really fear being seen on an emotional level at times or being made fun of for something (? Only stupid people would and that's not the type of people you need in your life anyway), but there's nothing to fear. Just try. You're cute btw, I bet all the people around you find you cute too, even if they don't tell you. Rebalance yourself by finding your own power also in the things you don't know well and don't feel confident into. Confidence can come later in those too.

song: touch | yoshimi iwasaki; what makes you beautiful | one direction (others had 2 so... here's your second as well)

[hyuuukais]

.・゜-: ✧ :- FICTIONAL REALITY .・゜-: ✧ :-

pairing • bang chan x fem reader

synopsis • fiction or reality? y/n preferred the former, escaping into another world, escaping her problems. so what happens when reality takes that away from her; wiping her own story-in-progress off both her laptop and beloved usb? and what happens when she opens the door in the middle of a crisis to none other then the love interest of her novel... and he's holding her usb?

warnings • general, blood, kind of suggestive at end

MASTERLIST | PREVIOUS | NEXT

CHAPTER EIGHT • NEW DEVELOPMENTS (2.1k)

"Shit!" You barely catch his body, blood from his nose smearing onto the front of your sweater. "Gross."

"This kid just passed out and your response is gross?" Minho nearly shouts, aggressively waving his hand at you and getting up abruptly. "You can't be judging him right now-"

"Innie, sweetheart!"

"Oh my fucking god," you squeak.

"Who was that?" Chan whispers, eyes flickering between you and the staircase, hands gripping the arms of the chair he's in.

"That was-"

"Honey, where are you? Grandma's brought you lunch!" Her voice drops. "Ah! He must be downstairs."

"Quick! Grab his legs!" You hold under Jeongin's arms, Minho grabbing hold of his legs. "Okay, now Chan you open the bathroom door for us."

He does as you say, opening it as you hear Mrs. Yang get closer. There isn't much room for his body laying down, so you place him on the close toilet lid, getting Minho to hold him there.

"You guys stay in here, I'll distract her! She won't question me being here alone when I'm not supposed to be working as much as if she sees me with you two." The two start to protest, but you hold a hand up. "No time to argue."

Right as you shut the door, the one to the main floor opens. Head whipping toward the sound, you make eye contact with Mrs. Yang. It takes a moment for her to register you, blinking a few times in confusion before her face lights up.

"Y/n! I didn't know you were working today! I thought it was just my grandson," she smiles at you, descending the stairs. "Speaking of, where is he?"

She looks into the lounge suspiciously and you back up against the bathroom door.

"Oh-" Your palms are sweating. "He's, um, just in the bathroom. He might be a while, he wasn't feeling well."

"Oh no, honeeeey!" She knocks on the door visibly worried and you feel awful for lying. "Do you need anything? You should come back home if you aren't feeling well, I'm sure Y/n will cover you. Hon, can you answer me?"

Panic washes over you. He can't answer because he's unconscious. She doesn't know he's unconscious. There are two other men she barely knows in there with her unconscious grandson-

You hear a groan coming from inside the bathroom followed by a thump.

"Jeongin, hon, you sound terrible. I'll stop by the pharmacy on the way home," She looks at you hopefully. "Maybe Y/n can drive you?

"S-Sure," you stutter. "Yeah, for sure Mrs. Yang."

"Ah, you're always so helpful, dear."

With that, she turns and slowly ascends the stairs, shutting the door behind her. You open the bathroom door, finding a now conscious Jeongin stuck in a headlock with Minho's hand over his mouth.

"...do I want to know?"

"The kid woke up and freaked," Minho shrugged.

"So you put him in a headlock?" You sound exasperated. "If I ever have kids, remind me to never let you babysit."

Jeongin smacks Minho's arm, pulling at it until he lets go.

"Y/n, your friends are insane," he says, sitting back against the wall. "Well, he is, Chan you're not so bad."

Chan gives him a stiff nod. "Thank you, I think."

The blood from Jeongin's nose has dried, streaks from his nostrils going over his lips and down his chin. It's smeared a bit onto his cheek from when he fell against you. He doesn't seem to notice.

"Before I passed out, I saw someone," he looks up at you. "No, two people. A man and a woman. The guy was on the taller side, black hair, nice lips. And the woman had long, orange hair. She looked scared."

Yeonjun, Yeji.

"What were they doing?" You could barely speak.

"Nothing," he says. "Just standing there in the darkness."

"Darkness?" Chan pushes himself away from the sink, crouching down in front of Jeongin.

"Yeah, it was like I got transported somewhere else," he gives you an odd look. "Why? Is that important?"

"Very." You can't believe what you're hearing.

"In that case, is it also important that the ground was wet?" Now that was new. "The water came up to my ankles."

Chan and Minho both look at you and you shake your head slightly. There was no water where you went, only the darkness and him. This was new, you keep it in the back of your head.

"I tried approaching them, but they got further every step I took," he waves his hands as he speaks. "Then I tried running. I didn't get too far, something grabbed my leg, pulling me under the water. That might have been when I fainted."

"Anything else?" You cross your arms.

"No. After that, I just remember fighting to get back up. I couldn't breathe," he looks shaken. "I thought I was going to die."

He looks up at you, eyebrows furrowed. Words failed you; you couldn't provide the comfort he needed. All you could do was look at him until it became unbearable. You did this to him.

"You're okay now," Chan speaks up, surprising you a bit, and crouches in front of Jeongin. "There's no one to hurt you here. Why don't we close the shop and head to the café? I can get Lily to make you something to eat there."

"My grandmother-"

"Tell her you feel better after using the bathroom," Jeongin's face turns red at the suggestion. "Let her know Y/n is taking you out to eat in case she comes back before us. Don't mention me or Minho."

Nodding, he pulls out his phone to send a quick text. As he stands, he catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror.

"Holy shit," his hand jumps to his face. "You couldn't have told me I was covered in blood?"

-

Chan takes you through the fire escape, calling Lily on the way to ask her to drop off some of the lunch sandwiches by his door. As he retrieves them, you make yourself comfortable on his couch. The room is still a mess.

"Here, eat," Chan puts the paper bag down. "I didn't specify anything so just take what you want. There is a tiramisu for you though, Y/n."

You blush at his thoughtfulness; Minho gives you a look, smirking, but his eyes say something else. It doesn't take long for Chan to clean up around you, removing the broken shards of his beloved mug and straightening the lamp. He joins your lunch break after, sitting between you and Jeongin.

A part of you can't help but think of the last time you sat on this couch with him. Now you know for sure it wasn't him speaking, but the words stung; the memory stung. And he has no idea it even happened.

You shift closer to Minho.

"So is anyone going to explain what's going on yet?" Jeongin breaks the silence.

"No," the three of you reply in unison, making you burst into laughter. Chan breaks first, then Minho. The three of you are a giggling mess.

Once the laughter dies down, you speak, "It's best you know as little as possible. Just in case."

"In case of what?"

"To be honest, I don't know," you say with a shrug. "Just- keep this to yourself. Forget any of this even happened."

You expect him to argue, to persist on knowing, but he just nods and goes back to eating. Sometimes you forget he's not much younger than you. He glances at Chan, quick and nervous, hand fiddling with the edge of his sweater.

"What's wrong, Jeongin?" You question, trying not to sound suspicious.

"Huh? N-nothing," his eyes dart between you and the coffee table. "Why would something be wrong?"

"You seem nervous is all."

"Jesus Y/n, the kid's been through a lot tonight," Minho's voice is soft toward the end of his sentence. "I wouldn't blame him for being a little shaky right now."

"I-" Jeongin cuts himself off, having an internal debate. "What would you do if I said I knew Chan wasn't real?"

"Sorry, what?" You gape at him.

"I'm sorry! I just- I didn't know how to tell you! It's not every day a café pops up overnight," He laughs nervously, causing you to laugh too. "There was some kind of shift and the next day, boom, Chan."

"Oh my fucking god, Jeongin I could strangle you right now, but I won't," You shake your head, leaning back with a hand rubbing your forehead. "This town is... wow."

"Fucked?" Minho suggests.

"Very," Jeongin agrees.

Chan gets up as you all laugh again, excusing himself to the bathroom. Once the door clicks shut, Minho pokes you in the side, causing you to look at him.

"What?" You look at him annoyed.

"So," he rolls his eyes. "You and Chan?"

"Have we not been over this?" You blush, lowering your voice to avoid Jeongin hearing. "There is no 'me and Chan' so stop it. Yeah, he's literally the love interest of my novel therefore my exact type, but I barely know him still."

"Do you even hear yourself right now? He's everything you want. Jump on that before someone else does," Minho's eyes soften. "Or at least before he disappears."

"He's not going to disappear," you hiss. "I won't let that happen."

With that, you get up and move down the hallway to Chan's bathroom, knocking on the door. When there's no response, you try again. Leaning with your ear against the door, you don't hear anything on the other side, hand hesitantly reaching for the handle. It opens easily, unlocked.

On the other side, Chan stares into the mirror with a strange look. Slowly, his head turns toward you and you can see dark tear marks running down his cheeks. His breathing is uneven, fingers turning white from how hard he's gripping the edge of the sink.

"Chan?" You whisper, hand sliding off the handle and over one of his. "Chan? You there?"

It's like your touch breaks through a forcefield and he stumbles down; you barely catch him. His whole body is shaking.

"It showed me something," Chan's voice breaks. "My sister, Hannah, she-" Arms wrap around your waist tightly. "She wasn't okay. Let's leave it at that."

You nod into his shoulder, holding him gently. After a few moments, he pulls away. Today has exhausted him clearly, and you as well.

"Maybe it's time for sleep," you suggest. When his hand squeezes yours, you take it as a sign to guide him away. "We're going to bed!"

"Night!" Minho shouts, then a bit quieter talks to Jeongin. "Guess we're sleeping here tonight. I'll go find some blankets. Call your grandmother and make something up."

Chan's room is neat compared to his office you saw before. Grey and black blankets on his bed, family photos on the walls. It was surprisingly cozy. Before you could push him into bed, he let go of you, offering you some clothes to sleep in. He turns so you can change, and you can't help but blush at the thought of wearing his sweater and sweatpants.

Unknown to you, Chan can barely contain himself when he turns back to see you. Something about the oversized fit of his clothes on you has his mind absolutely reeling, forcing himself to act normal. He lets you take his hands again and bring him to his own bed, sitting at the edge with you between his legs. Dried tears still stain his cheeks as you cup them.

"Thank you," he whispers.

"For what?"

"For pulling me out of that nightmare," he says. "For making me feel real."

You sigh, hands moving up into his curls. The air is intimate, just the two of you existing with one another. Nothing bad has happened or will happen, not as long as he's here. Maybe Minho is right, maybe you should just go for it. Chan's fingers brush up your legs lightly.

"We should go to bed," you say.

"We should," he agrees, pulling you forward onto his lap.

"There are two other people in this apartment," you say. "And the walls are very thin."

"They are," he replies, closing the distance between you.

It's sudden, the kiss, but pleasant. His lips are soft and plush against yours, pushing your head back slightly. Chan stands up with your legs still wrapped around his torso, laying you down against the bed with your head on the pillows. The kiss stays soft as he lays down next to you, pulling you against his body.

He pulls away. "We should get some sleep."

Heat radiates between you, your heartbeat fast.

"We should."

●

notes • hehehehehehehehehe (hopefully i can get back to regular friday posts after this lol)

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TAGLIST CLOSED ^^^blue means i can't tag you