#why am I living a life where I can just walk down the street and see polly chapman walking around even though the show has closed here :(

[yannfredericks]

something something I miss my silly little gay characters dancing around my brain can they come back to me and release me from burnout hell

[d10nyx]

over again

ft. leon kennedy x fem!reader

cw: 18+ content, dark content, heavy dub-con, forced ddlg, kidnapping, stockholm syndrome, fingering, p in v, creampie, mentions of past drugging, daddy kink, lots of pet names

a/n: took me forever n ever to write this ahhh sorry :/ hope you all enjoy it !! feedback always appreciated !! hopefully the writers block will finally perish.

word count: 1.6k words

14 weeks. 98 days. 2352 hours.

Leon leaves the house at 7.30 am every morning, except for Sundays. From Monday to Thursday, he's home around 6 pm. On Fridays, he isn't home until around 9 pm. Saturdays are the worst because he's home just after lunch.

Usually, when he comes home, he goes to the bedroom and unlocks the door to let you out. He threads his hand in your leash to take you upstairs, giving you a kiss on your forehead as he takes you to the kitchen to eat a meal. He gives you your food on a pink, plastic princess plate with plastic cutlery, and cuts the food into bite size pieces. More often than not, he hand feeds you.

You don't fight it. You'd learned your lesson. You refused food from him once. For 2 out of your 14 weeks locked up in his home, he'd underfed you to the point of starvation until you were begging him to feed you. He sat you in his lap, cooing all sweet as you chewed and swallowed every mouthful he'd given you. That day was the first day he slept with you.

It wasn't all bad. He was sweet. Gentle. If you closed your eyes, you could pretend he was a loving boyfriend. Someone who cared for you, not the creep who'd snatched you from the street after you had a few too many drinks at your friend's party, promising you a better life, safe from the world.

But he isn't sweet, or nice, or kind. He didn't do this for you, despite what his twisted brain tells him. You can pretend all you want that he's something other than what he is, but it doesn't change what he is. A monster.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

“Where's my little princess?” Leon's asking as soon as he walks into the house, kicking his shoes off and hanging his jacket up at the door. You recently got free reign of the home for being on your best behaviour. Didn't even have to keep the leash attached to your collar anymore. Lucky you.

“Here, daddy.” You say meekly, poking your head out of the living room to approach him, fiddling awkwardly with the edge of your shirt. Head down, so he doesn't have to see the defeated expression on your face as you force out the words, swallowing thickly to hold back your tears.

“You have a good day, sweetheart? You do any coloring in those cute little books I got you?” Leon's hands come up to your cheeks, gently stroking his thumbs back and forth across your cheekbones. You shake your head, gritting your teeth to stop yourself from saying something.

“No? Why not, baby? You don't like them? I got the one with lots of kitties. Pretty girls like you like cute things, don't they?” He coos, squishing your cheeks in his hands to make your lips all pouty so he can lean down and give them a little kiss, letting out a loud ‘mwah’ as soon as his lips make contact.

“You eat at least? I left some food in a lunchbox for you.” You shake your head again, and this time it seems to elicit a worse reaction. His brows furrow, and his hand grips your face even tighter. “No? Silly baby… can't do anything without daddy, can you? Come on. Daddy'll feed you, cutie.”

He heats up some food for you and puts it on a plate. The pink, plastic princess plate. He sits you on his lap and feeds it to you from a fork. Pink, plastic fork. The routine is the same, no matter how much you wish for it to change. When you finish eating, he presses a tender kiss to your head and rocks you in his arms.

“Such a good girl. Good girls get rewarded, princess.” He murmurs, pressing soft kisses against the skin of your neck, trailing them up until he's nosing at the hair behind your ear. His hand slides up your thigh and under your skirt, his thumb swiping your swollen bud through the already damp fabric. It didn't matter if you didn't want it. Your body didn't seem to understand what was happening - all it knew was Leon made you feel good. You hated how compliant you got when he touched you, how any thoughts of defiance melted away.

You go limp when he touches you. Docile. You let him do what he wants to you, just like a good girl should. Back-talking daddy is a big no-no. He wrote that in big writing on the rule list that's pinned to the fridge. Escape didn't use to seem impossible, yet now the thought never even crossed your mind. You'd tried, but he kept a tight lock on you. You wouldn't be surprised to find out one of the many injections he gave you when you were unruly had a tracker in. He always seemed to know exactly where you were.

You whimper as he dips his hand under the waistband of your panties. He parts your puffy lips with practiced ease as he continues on with the next part of his routine. 98 days later and he's mapped every inch of your body perfectly - found out everything that has you keening under his touch. Your hips buck as he runs his fingertip between your folds, gathering slick before rubbing small circles into your clit.

“Poor, dumb baby. She's soaking me already. You couldn't make yourself feel good when daddy was gone, huh, sweetheart?” His words are followed up by a finger burying itself in your tight heat, curling to find that gummy spot that has you clenching around him and bucking your hips. “Pretty princess cunt's been drooling for me all day.”

A choked sob leaves you when he pulls his cock out and sits you on top of it. He pulls you down until he's buried to the hilt, groaning as you tighten around his length. He buries his face into the crook of your neck, peppering it with tiny little kisses. You can't help but cry whenever Leon fucks you. 98 days later and you still sob whenever he bullies your cervix with his dick. No matter how many times he makes you cum or makes you go dumb on his cock, it doesn't change anything. He took everything from you - your family, your friends, your job.

You hated yourself more than Leon. For letting him break your walls down. For clinging to him as he tightens his grip on your waist, manhandling you on his cock, lifting you up and down. For finding yourself missing him when he's at work.

“Love…love you, daddy…” Your words come out more like a cry, nose all runny and cheeks wet with tears as he fucks up into you, his head shifting to hang back in pleasure. His fingers dig into your waist as he hears the words, a breathy laugh leaving him as he smiles - all toothy and bright like it always is when you say that.

“Love you even more, princess.” He grunts out, leaning back on the seat to force himself deeper into your pussy, guiding your hips back and forth so you're grinding his cock inside of you, rubbing your pretty clit against his happy trail. You gasp at the sensation, your hands gripping into his shoulders as your brows furrow in pleasure.

“Daddy… daddy…” You gasp out as your orgasm hits, your lips parting as you gush all over him. The look on your face as you cum is enough to have his balls tighten, his teeth gritting as he starts to shallowly thrust into you once more, chasing his own release. You always cry when you cum, and Leon always kisses the tears away when you do, his lips pressing against the wetness on your cheeks repeatedly. Another part of the ritual, another moment repeating day after day.

“Want daddy to fill you up, sweet girl?” He grunts, nipping at your neck as he wraps his arms tight around your waist in a bear hug, holding you steady as he fucks up into your drippy cunt. “Gonna warm you up right in that cute lil’ tummy.”

His hips stutter as his orgasm hits him, his jaw going slack as he presses the tip of his cock right up against your cervix, filling you to the brim with his sticky cum. He slides a hand under your shirt, his thumb rubbing gentle circles into the skin of your tummy.

“That's it. Keep it all in, okay? Daddy doesn't want to see his little angel spill a single drop.” He says softly, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips. He holds you there for a couple of minutes, cradling you against his chest until it's time to go to sleep.

Before bed that night, Leon ushers you into the bathroom. Like every night before this one, he gently grips your jaw with one hand as he stands behind you, his other hand gripping your pink princess toothbrush as he brushes your teeth, his eyes locked onto you through the mirror. At bedtime, he tucks you in and curls up behind you, spooning you with one hand on one of your tits, and the other wrapped tightly around your waist.

Tomorrow is a Friday. He wakes you up at 6.30 am with a kiss to your head as always, a warm cup of milk in one hand and your breakfast in the other. He feeds you off of a pink, plastic princess plate and presses a kiss to your lips before leaving at 7.30 am on the dot.

[jojikawa]

Sukuna’s Vessel, Yuuji Itadori.

Your time as Sukuna’s wife was a small blip in time. Something you nearly forgot until a pink-haired boy tries to talk to you

tw// fluff, adult language, MC is Lilith! (a powerful demoness) if this does well I will make multiple parts.

masterlist

Art by icebuko

Was inspired by this scene from RWBY. dividers

You have already adjusted to your life in this world. It was hard to know if this is what you enjoyed or not but there was much less violence and a lot more excitement and love…You figured the mundane life suited you better. You became interested in the culture of Japan, you taught yourself its current traditions and you learned to be an elementary school teacher. No idea of why you were resurrected in this modern age came to your mind, but all you could do was live. Although, for years upon years, you felt like something was missing, you couldn’t quite put your finger on it. 

Just when that feeling was beginning to fade, you met a particular boy. You stood in the spring rain with your transparent umbrella, dressed in business casual as you helped your young, toddler students cross the busy street. Silently, you desperately tried to shield the babies from the harsh rain and cold air. The children scattered, going on their way back home using the routes you taught them so that they could be fast.

“Um, excuse me…?”

It was the boy you had seen before. He was young, probably a teenager. You noticed him stalking you for a bit now. What could he have wanted from you?

His hair was an unnatural color, maybe dyed. His uniform wasn’t anything like you had seen before and on his feet were painfully red shoes that hurt your eyes. Truly the sense of style for a young boy in this age fashion.

“Yes?” You turned around to look at the boy. He was visibly nervous but you tried to comfort him with a welcoming smile. As you examined him, you got a sense of familiarity.

“Are you….(y/n)?”

You blinked for a moment. Could this have been an older sibling of one of your students?

“I am.” You replied. “Is there…something you want to speak to me about?” You tilted your head and he became increasingly restless under your watchful eyes. “Can we talk in private?” The boy asked politely. You looked down at your watch. It seemed you had time before you needed to go home to prepare your lesson for the next day of teaching.

You humored the boy. The two of you walked to a nearby park where he told you his name and his occupation. He told you why he was going to school. If what he was told was true, you should already know about curses and sorcerers. He also asked you questions.

Yuuji asked things like if you had a family. What have you been doing with your time? But then he asked who you were and if you loved anyone.

You found it rather inappropriate that someone so young and strange to you was asking about your personal life.

Now, the two of you sat on the bench. The rain eased to a drizzle and you began to enjoy the little time you had left with the boy. “Why does who I may love matter to a boy like you? You should be into girls your own age.” You joked, closing your umbrella and leaning it against the edge of your wooden seat. Yuuji blushed at your comment and raised his hands before shouting. “N-No, it’s not like that! I was asking f-for a friend!”

“A friend?” You repeated, raising your eyebrow slightly. You couldn’t recall anyone who wouldn’t be interested in you. “Well, I am going to need to get going.” You told him. “Dinner’s calling me and I have to grade my student’s tests.” You smiled kindly, beginning to stand before the boy suddenly stopped you. He grabbed the sleeve of your attire before uttering:

“Are you really the wife of Ryomen Sukuna?”

Your mouth opened to speak. You felt the world stop and it was like you couldn’t feel the rain on your skin anymore. That was a name you haven’t heard forever.

“Who told you that name?”  Your ability to make Yuuji feel calm was soon diminishing. Yuuji didn’t reply at first. His eyes darted from you and often looked to the right as if he were in thought. He would hold his head but never made an effort to mention why he was behaving so erratically.

“I guess that means you are her.”

Your face eased. “So, I assume that you have revealed yourself to me because you plan to kill me like what happened hundreds of years ago or so?” You tilted your head before giving him a closed-eyed smile. “Huh?? Oh, N-No, of course not. My sensei doesn’t even know I’m here.”

“Then…who sent you?” You sat back down by Yuuji. The boy didn’t answer you. His gaze broke from yours. “Yeah, Yeah, I’m getting to that!” He muttered but rather loudly. The boy didn’t seem to be talking to you.

He then turned his full attention to you again. “How did you meet Sukuna?” His question was innocent but it held unimaginable weight. “First,” You raised a finger. “How do you know that name?”

Yuuji shoved his hands into his pockets. “School.” He lied…half lied.

“They’re teaching you about him at your school…? Gods…” You sighed softly. “I knew Sukuna a long time ago but my story goes beyond him. I’m much older than him, you see.” You looked down at your black pumps. It was expected of you to wear this for your job. You suddenly felt the pressure of walking in them all day and kicked them off just a bit.

“Older?”

You nodded. “I was actually the first woman. I was the first wife of Adam. You know who that is?” You broke your gaze with the ground to see that the boy was staring at you rather intently. Was he even listening? He wasn’t even blinking. “Yuuji.” You called, ripping him from his daydream.

“H-Huh? Oh, Adam? Um…” He thought for a moment before shaking his head. You smiled. “It’s okay if you don’t. It’s more of a Western tale…” Your manicured nails dug into the soft wooden chair. “Adam was a jerk.” The frown you held was small but behind it was an anger that only the Gods could fathom.

The boy’s ears perked up. “Oh, like Adam and Eve! You’re Eve!” He looked as if he had hit the lottery with a guess that good. But…

You laughed again. “No. Eve came after me. She was the more obedient wife. I’m often erased from history.” Your posture eased and you leaned your back against the bench. “Ryomen Sukuna was the only man that ever loved me. And that I loved back.” Your heart rate quickened thinking of your lover. “You humans know him as a horrible threat…which is true.”

“But I was a horrible person too. We were horrible together…my Ryomen.” You said his name so breathlessly. It was so long ago but you replayed your favorite moments with him. There was no harm in talking about Sukuna, right? He was long gone so this boy’s superiors couldn’t have been targeting you for any reason. You enjoyed pretending to be a human. This wouldn’t be a problem, right?

Yuuji didn’t say a word. He hid his eyes from you, sinking further into his jacket. Without saying much of anything, you effortlessly humanized Sukuna. It didn’t make the boy feel any less hostile toward the King of Curses but it did give him insight into what kind of person he was. He had a soft spot for at least one person. Without warning, he sat up straight. “Um…would you say you still loved him?”

Normally, you would be put off by such a question, but you were already deep in this conversation. Your eyes wandered to the people entering the park here and there. They pushed their kids in strollers and walked their dogs. The sound of the cars driving behind you was painstakingly loud as you tried to think of the past. You answered. “Yes, I do.”

Suddenly, Yuuji erupted with activity. The way he pulled his hood over his head and turned away from you concerned you. “Are you alright, sweetheart?” You leaned over going to rest a hand on your shoulder when you heard muffled speaking. “Yuuji—”

“I-It’s nothing! ‘Just cold, sorry!” He blurted out, causing you to recoil back. “I see…”You replied, going back into your place. “I wonder what ever happened to Ryomen.” You looked down at your watch. It was time for you to go now.

“I know where Sukuna is.”

“What?” The corner of your mouth instinctively raised into a smirk but your eyes were wide as saucers. “I didn’t peg you as a prankster but I suppose I should’ve expected it.” Your tenseness eased, before shutting your eyes and laughing to yourself. Sukuna? Here? No, that surely wasn’t true. The world would be in ruin if he were. 

“I’m serious!” Yuuji then proceeded to explain to you his unique situation that involved him swallowing your lover’s fingers and, in turn, bonding them together. You still didn’t know what to believe. It almost made you angry…you somehow felt that perhaps, sorcerers were watching you, waiting to see if you’d break your masquerade as a human if they convinced you that he was alive.

You clenched the handle of your umbrella as it lay beside you. “If Sukuna is really inside of your body, then let me speak to him.” You were….half serious. You wanted so badly to just hear his voice again, even if he were saying something vulgar or pure evil. Or to just know if this was all a trick. Yuuji rubbed the nape of his neck. “I can’t really do that. Not in public, he might—”

“He won’t.” You interrupted. “I’ll make sure he won’t do anything.” 

Yuuji had no choice but to trust you. For the last day, he’s had Sukuna yelling at him so loudly and often that he wasn’t able to tune it out like always. For a moment, Yuuji stopped resisting Sukuna’s pull on him, allowing the curse to take over his body. There was a familiar set of markings that appeared on his body and face. The amount of joy, confusion, and concern that filled your body was undeniable.

Although your Ryomen Sukuna was in front of you, trapped inside the body of a boy, you felt like it was a trick. Maybe it wasn’t sorcerers casting a spell on your mind. Perhaps it was God punishing you one last time or it was Adam trying to take one last jab at you before you experienced true death.

Once you laid eyes upon Sukuna, it still looked as if Yuuji had control. His eyes were like that of a dear in headlights while his face was full of admiration.

“Ryomen?” You called his name, causing the vessel he was in to flinch. His eyes then turned serpent-like. They were eyes you knew very well.

“It seems as though you have been resurrected.” He rested his head on his palm, those same eyes wandering your body, staring shamelessly at your chest area and thighs. “But you can never be too sure. How do I know you’re real?” He fidgeted more in his seat—more than Yuuji actually. He tapped his foot on the ground, drummed his fingers on his leg, and even sank his nails into his jawline out of anticipation.

The question caused you to blink. “You’re asking me if I’m real—?”

“Hurry. You have—” His gaze shifted downward for a brief moment before it went back to you. “—less than 60 seconds. If you can’t answer me, I’ll kill you and be done with it. Tell me what I said to you the first time we met. Only I and the real (y/n) know of this.” 

Your mouth curled into a pleasant smile. You turned your hips towards him. “I’m not scared of a little monster like you.” You locked eyes with him. “When I met Ryomen, the first words to me were ‘You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.’ And I said, ‘I think the Gods would disagree.’ He laughed in a way I would never forget before telling me: ‘Give me a son and I’ll give you the world.’” 

Sukuna was unmoving. His antics completely stopped and he listened. So silent…it was unlike him. You continued.

“I was devastated when he asked that of me. I said ‘I can not have a child. My womb is corrupt.’ And so he vowed to make—”

“Shit, it really is you.” The words pour out of his mouth like a waterfall. “It’s been so long. I thought I would never see you again. What are you doing living a mundane life with mortal scum?!” He cursed and threw out his insults, not even caring about the poor humans who walked by and were forced to listen to him. You smiled attractively. “I kinda like this ‘scum’” You replied, mimicking his voice so well you sounded like a female version of him.

“What happened to your body? Why are you burrowed away inside of a child?” Your head tilted with curiosity. His vessel was much smaller than before although, it was nice seeing what he’d be like as a human and not a monster.

Sukuna parroted the same thing Yuuji did, confirming the truth. The boy ate his finger.

“…but once I return to full power, I’ll make the Gods pay for what they did to you.” He wanted nothing more than to just reach out and touch you. It’s been so long since he’s seen you…since he’s heard your voice. Hundreds and hundreds of years of his consciousness lingered beyond his execution and his only thought was you. Even then, aspects of you had faded in his memory. Where were your horns and claws? Did you even have either of those? You had a sword too? No? Oh, he couldn’t remember but one thing that did stick with him was your presence. Sukuna could track you like a bloodhound and find you at every corner of the earth.

“The Gods wouldn’t care about you, Ryo.” A dry laugh left your lips at his awestruck face. “They don’t even care about me…but Adam—will return. You’ll be good to me and kill him, right?” Your sweet smile turned into a smirk, your eyes turned warm and filled with lust. Sukuna picked up on your subtle cues, his mouth going from slightly agape to a twisted, toothy grin. “I’ll bring you his head, I swear!”

“Hm.” Your eyes lit up with enthusiasm. You couldn’t help but rest your palm on his cheek. Yuuji’s skin was much smoother and softer than Sukuna’s monstrous features. “…and if you objectify me again, I’ll obliterate you.” Your manicured nails grazed his skin, threatening to pierce the vessel’s skin at any moment.

Sukuna was confused—not afraid. He hasn’t wronged you so why are you threatening him? It was then that he noticed your eyes. They glowed red.

That’s right, you were rather observant. His hungry eyes were already sexualizing in every way possible.

“Yes, Ma’am,” Sukuna replied, his wide demonic grin returning to his soft features.  “Ya know, if you want, you can have me right now.”

Your eyes softened before you exhaled. “In that body?” You chuckled. “Maybe when it matures a little.” Your words made his smile fade and his nose scrunch up in disgust. “Who cares how old this vessel is?! It’s ME!”

“And you’re a bit short for my liking.” You fake pouted before letting go of his face. Upon instinct, he rubbed the claw markings you left behind. “I’m still taller than your small ass. You women are so picky with your size kinks.” he spat, rolling his eyes. “Next, you’ll ask me to put the world in your hands. And what do you bring to the table, huh?”

“Myself.” You replied before placing an innocent kiss on his cheek.

“Then, I guess it wouldn’t hurt to stick around.”

[flowershines]

Do you think you could do the members reactions to his ex (still his fwb) leaving footprints after car sx on his window shield for other girls to see😭 thank you and its okay if not!!

Yess ofc, thank you so much for requesting something. I am a bit confused about it, then again i might just be slow but i will try my best.

warnings: Smut, fluff (if you squint), mentions of sex, fwb! reader, alcohol, lmk if i missed any

Not proof read

Heeseung:

“Don’t be a pussy, fuck me harder.” Looking in the rear view mirror, your moans was the only thing that was running through his head. “Just like that” He couldn’t help but get hard at the sight of your footprint on his window, you had texted him about how you ‘needed a good fuck’ which caused him to cave and pull up to your house, you both couldn’t even make it to the dorms so you pulled over in some random parking lot and hopped into the backseat. He came at you like a starved man, ever since you two broke up he has been having a hard time getting over you. Being with you was the only thing that made him happy, but now that he can’t have that. Being used by you was the best option. “No one’s dick is as good as your- fuck.”

Jay:

“What’s that?” The girl from the bar asked refuting to your footprint that had been left just a millimeter away from the bottom of the window, “It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.” he unlocked the car as the girl sat in the passenger’s side. “Listen I have way more respect for myself than to just be a quick fuck so i’m leaving.” Shutting the door behind her he couldn’t help but stare at the footprint, the way he was deep in your dripping cunt when you made that mark. “Jay, you fuck so good. Better than Heese-.” “Don’t finish that sentence.” Without realizing he started his car and started to drive to your house, he couldn’t live without you. He knows that you aren’t his anymore but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you with every inch of his heart, every time he fucks you he hopes that you notice that spark that you got the first time you made love and get back with him.

Jake:

“S-so close, k-keep fuck-ing me like that.” Your nails dug into his back as your feet rested against the window and he pounded into you harder and harder, “Such a fucking tight cunt.” fucking into you deeper he whispered in your ear “Only I can fuck you this good.” Washing his car those memories of the other night was infused in his veins, he wanted to relive that moment and be with you for the rest of his life. The employee walked over to him, “Need help?” he shook his head at her “No thanks.” she inched closer to the car. “That from your girlfriend?” He knew what she was talking about yet acted clueless causing her to point at your footprint from the inside of the car, he shook his head once more. “Well whoever that was, let’s just say if I was someones fuck buddy I wouldn’t let some guy that didn’t mean anything to me, fuck me in the back of his car.” Her words ran through his head making him not be able to sleep that night, do you still want him like he wants you?

Sunghoon:

Walking to his car his co worker opened the passengers side and sat down, buckling up and waited for him to get in the car. “Thanks again, i really appreciate it.” She thanked him as he replied “Oh it’s nothing, honestly. Where do you live again?” “Just down the road.” she said pointing to the street away from their work. As he started the car she turned to him then out of the corner of her eye saw a smudged footprint, “Watch little kids?” his face was filled with confusion “No? Why?” pointing with her thumb she pointed to it as he looked in the rear view mirror. “Oh, yeah, m-my cousin.” She nodded and looked out the window, “Hoonie, you fuck me so good.” his fingers ran through your hair as he admired your features. Looking at you like you are the princess of his dreams, yet the ‘princess’ is laying down in his back seat being fucked like a slut. “So fucking gorgeous.” Dropping her off she waved at him as he got back onto the main roads, he wanted to just drive straight to your house but knew he couldn’t. He wanted you so bad. Needs you.

Sunoo:

Desperation filled within his body as he teased his tip at your entrance, one of your legs was propped up above his shoulder while you placed the other on the ledge of the window. “S-Sunoo please, nee-d you so bad.” A smirked formed on his lips, “God I love it when you beg for me.” “Hello, earth to Sunoo.” Jake waved his hand in front of his face as the girl in front of him looked confused, “She asked you a question.” he turned towards the girl “Are you single? Because if you are we can have some fun in your car later.” she said winking at him. “He is single.” Jake said as he nudged him, “Bu-” cutting him off she spoke again “Great, give me your phone so th-” he shook his head “I have a girl, see that footprint? It’s from her. You know when i fucked her in my car, plus she is way better looking than some slut begging for dick on the side of a restaurant. Let’s go Jake.” Jake stood there in shock making Sunoo drag him to the passengers side, hopping in he asked “Y/n?” he nodded as he looked down.

Jungwon:

“Fuck Y/n your cunt is dripping.” He said as his fingers ran through your glistening pussy, then brung his fingers up to his youth and tasted your juices. Moaning at the taste he swore he could’ve came just from the taste of your slick on his tongue. He swore at that moment as the memories of last night filled his mind, he could taste your cunt at that moment. He had gone to the bar with the members as their way to cheer him up from the breakup, a girl walked up to them as she placed her hand on Jungwon’s shoulder. Making conversations with them, “I’m gonna head out, just wanna sleep.” as she walked out of the building while following him to his car. “Where are we going?” She asked as they stopped in front of his car “I’m going home.” leaning in closer he could smell the alcohol leaking from her mouth, “Thought we should have some fun.” he shook his head while pointing at your footprint. “This, is from my lovely girlfriend so if you will excuse me.”

[dahliamalfoy97]

INITIATION - Muzan x y/n reader

Muzan x y/n reader smut one shot

Synopsis: Y/N has woken up and has no memory of who she is. Muzan is there to remind her.

Warning: SMUT 18+!!, MDNI, rough sex, oral, monster kink, size kink, masochism, degradation kink, praise kink. Slapping, choking, tentacles, Kidnapping, detailed murder, blood, slight dub con, kidnapping, a little manipulative, penetration, anal sex, double penetration, gagging, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, creampie. Just so much filthy things because Muzan is a sick motherfucker so this one shot is probably just as twisted so proceed with caution!

word count: 4k+

Your eyes flutter open, and the first thing you feel is utter confusion. For you have no memory of where you were or who you were. Your mind was completely blank and you no memory of anything. The next thing you notice is, you're lying down on what seems to be a table.

The first thing that you see, is a pair of scarlet red eyes boring in your eyes. They were so bright and unnerving at the same time. As the source of these eyes came into focus, you could see he was a man, with inky, curly, black hair, which was tied back into a pony tail and had pale skin. He wore a black dress button down shirt with a white tie. He was striking.

"Oh good," the man speaks content tone, as he notices that you're finally awake. "You're finally awake."

"W-who who are you? And where am I?" You ask, in a voice so soft, you weren't sure if he heard you cause you could barely hear yourself.

"My name is Muzan and you are in my home," he replies cryptically. "This is the Infinity Castle."

His name and the place sounded familiar but nothing came to mind as to why.

"And why am I here?"

He just smiles, and there's something about it that makes your skin tingle. You weren't sure if it was out of fear or something else.

"You are here because I found you on the brink of death, you were on the street and you needed a home."

You furrow your eyebrows in confusion , "But how come I don't remember anything? I don't even know my name."

"That's because I turned you into a demon, and sometimes the process can erase all traces of your past life. Call it a new slate if you will," he reaches for what looks like a vial of red liquid from a shelf and shakes it. "Here drink this, this will cure the sudden hunger you're feeling."

As if on cue, your stomach grumbles, "w- what, did you say demon? Demons exist?" You ask in wonder. "So is that blood in that vial?"

That grin turns prideful, "we exist and we are the most powerful beings to walk this planet. And yes this is blood, because this is what helps you stay strong and the more you consume the more powerful you'll become. But only human blood works. Animal blood cannot keep you healthy."

An unsettling feeling settles in your stomach, "so I have to kill in order to survive?"

"Only if you choose to go through this transformation, if you don't I'll have to kill you as I won't have any use for you otherwise."

this man was much more sinister and cunning than he appeared. You're sure a normal human would have been afraid or dying to get out of this situation. But you were intrigued. Despite the fact that he was probably a terrible man and a murderer- you were fascinated by him. Perhaps it was the fact that he saved you from whatever life you had lived before.

"So why did you choose me to turn into a demon?"

"Because I saw something in you that seemed valuable to have," he replies. "Would you like to know of your past? I can show you."

"Sure."

"Drink this," he holds me a vial of clear liquid.

You take it, study it before gulping it down in one go.

At first nothing happens, but suddenly your eyes drift shut and images begin flying through your mind.

Images of your parents and them dying, you being taken in by a man. A man that had looked kind by the smile he wore and the warmth of his hands.  But that smile had been a mask for the monster he really was. And those hands ended up being the source of all your nightmares as he did things to you that you didn't dare think about. Finally, the vision ended with your hands covered in blood, as he lay in a pool of blood, lifeless. You dropped the knife and ran.

You had vowed to had never trust a man with a smile or warm hands again.

"She's a murderer!" An onlooker had shouted.

"a monster!" Another had yelled.

But you had ignored them, walking by all of them in silence.

Eventually night had come and the streets had died down, all the people had gone to their homes and you were left alone on the streets in the dark of night. After what you had done. Nobody would take you in. Nobody wanted a murderer.

You held the knife that you had killed your captor to your neck. All this pain would end if you ended it here. But wait. Why did you have to stop living? Why give up your life ? They're the ones who deserved to die. They all ruined your life.

The first house you had reached was a family you knew well. They were the ones responsible for your torment. It made you sick how they could live happily and comfortably after condemning you to a life of hell.

You didn't waste a second as you slit their throats in the dead of night. And the second time in your life, you felt powerful. For you finally had control of your own life.

You didn't stop at the one house. You went to 12 more. Murdering those who had mocked and tortured you.  The ones that had stood while your captor had abused and violated you and did nothing to stop him. They all just stood by and watched and then had the audacity to point fingers at you. To call you the monster.

At the 13th one, you found someone had already beaten you to it. You saw him devouring the arm of the man. Part of you was disgusted. But part of you was relieved. The being turned to you after finishing his meal.

"Thought I'd help you out," the man said. This was him. This was Muzan.

"Are you one of those demons? The ones I've heard about?"

"I'm not just any one of those demons. I am the Demon King and I've come to recruit you into my Army. Make you become one of us."

"And why would I trust you?" You ask.

"You don't have to trust me or anyone, just help me rid of the world of people like them," he nods to the ground, his eyes burn with hatred.

"What do I have to do?"

He holds out a hand, "come with me".

You study it warily, "just as long as you let me do whatever I want. I want full control of my life and who I'll get to kill and-"

"There's certain humans I'll task you to kill, but as long as you follow my orders and remain useful, freedom is yours."

You look into his eyes and see a shared look of hate and anger, that's all you needed before taking his hand."

You come back from the vision, who you are and what you how you had gotten here- was suddenly clear. You grab the vial of blood from his hands. He smirks in amusement as you drink it without hesitation.

"Good girl."

That phrase alone has you locking eyes with his and something in you awakens in those scarlet orbs.

"What else do I need to do to be one of you."

Something akin to relief flashes in those cold scarlet eyes, a smirk graces those devilish lips.

He turns a finger down your collarbone that's exposed from the flimsy gown you wore. A shiver ignites from his touch. For a demon's usually cold touch. His was scorching and setting you ablaze.

"First, pledge your life and your soul to me?" His hand comes back up to your face, brushing along your lower lip, causing you to suck in a breath.

"What do I need to do?" You swallow thickly. You said you'd never trust a man again. But this here was no man, he was a devil. A sensible person would run away. But you - you felt the desire to follow him anywhere. Perhaps it was the fact that he saved you. Or that he a really good manipulation tactics and that he just wanted to use you. But you found yourself wanting to be used.

"Let me show you," is all he says.

In a blur, your clothes are ripped off of your body. Leaving every bit of you exposed. Something in the devil's eyes made your nipples harden and yours thighs clenched. Maybe it was the fact that he was completely dressed and you were completely naked. Or he was the Demon King and you were completely and utterly defenseless about what he was about to do.

He leans over you and begins running a hand down your chest, brushing along your tits in a teasing manner down to the apex of your thighs. Every where his hand touched, a trail of electricity was left it in it's wake. Heightening all of your senses.

"Gotta make sure you're in pristine condition, and that you're exactly what I need," with his veiny large hands he forces your legs apart. His thumb grazing your clit, lightly. Which was already throbbing and aching with need. "That fucker that violated you, how did you kill him?"

You inhale a strained breath, before exhaling, the slightest of his touch was enough to have you needy for more. "I cut off his dick and shoved it up his ass, before slitting his throat."

His gaze never leaves your as his thumb begins to rub your sensitive bud with his thumb, "and did you enjoy it?"

You smirk, "I did."

He hummed, "good. I'm going to erase every memory of his touch from your skin and replace it with mine. From here on out, you will belong to me. Understood?"

You nod your head eagerly, "Yes, Master."

His teasing touch on your clit speeds up, "your pussy is already mine. Look at how quick it responds to me and I've barely done a thing to it."

"Please do whatever you'd like, Master. I want to exceed your expectations."

Without needing any further permission, he sinks in a finger, you let out a moan and he lets out a growl. You had never been touched like this. So the touch was foreign odd at first, but when he began to prod his finger between your tight walls, the more adjusted you became.

"Fuck, Dollface, you are tight as fuck," he closes his eyes as if to revel in the feeling of you around his finger, and when he opens eyes again, the red in his irises has been blown away by his black pupils, stealing your breath away. You cry out when he adds a second finger, scissoring open even wider. Not long after, he's got your pussy wrapped around his three fingers. They slam into with a wicked force. Your juices are soaking his fingers in seconds, but he doesn't stop his attack. His grin becomes feral. "You just came from that alone ? Fuck, you are a real gem."

You arch and quiver as he continues to jab his long fingers in and out of you. Any logical thoughts are forgotten as his mouth finally adds to the fray. Sucking your clit and biting it with his teeth, you shamelessly grind yourself on his tongue as he ravishes you thoroughly.

"F-f-fuck," you whimper, "Muzan, don't stop." Tears escaped your eyes, and you pressed grabbed his head and pushed in closer into you, wanting him as deep as he could go. You moaned at how soft and silky his hair felt in your hands. It was so soft compared to this beast of a man. You were so overcome with overwhelming pleasure, it was hard for you to think straight. The only thing that you know for sure, was that you wanted more.

"How could I when you taste so goddamn sweet, so much better than any of the humans I've devoured, baby, you are my own five course meal. So fucking delicious."

His words are so filthy, the way he continues you to wreck you with his mouth has your stomach turning in knots. And white hot pleasure takes over. You watch in amazement as your arousal sprays his face, yet he gleams in pure delight.

He detaches his mouth from your pussy and stands up, grabs you from your neck and pulls you in for a hot and hungry kiss. His lips are demanding and possessive of yours- there's no question for who's in control. He dominates you in seconds and you submit without hesitation. It was almost scary with how you vowed to never trust a man or let one ever control you again, yet you were throwing all that away for the Demon King himself. But you didn't care anymore. You wanted to submit to him in any and every way. Call you insane or call you weak, but you knew the minute you saw him that first night, you were already gone.

You yank him closer to you, tearing his shirt off, your newly awakened demon powers must include sharp claws, because you rake your nails down his back causing him to moan. And it makes you feral as he moans because of you. You grow more feral with that knowledge.

"You are perfect for me, Angel," he praises against your lips. His mouth leaves yours and begins leaving kisses along your neck, alternating between kisses and bites, which would leave a purplish hue when he was done. You grind yourself on him even harder. You reach down and rub his clothed cock.

"Please Muzan," you beg, "I need you."

He drops you onto the ground, "so needy for me, but I need to finish examining you first. And if you pass this test, I'll reward you. Now kneel like the perfect whore you are and open your mouth."

You instantly do what he says, you kneel on the hard floor and open your mouth. He finishes stripping out of his clothes. Your mouth waters in awe. For he was breathtaking. So beautifully chiseled in every way. There was no flaw. He was pure muscle and sinewy. His cock stood proud and tall against his abdomen. It was massive, girthy and long, with a slight curve. He was demon but he was built as a god. No- he was a god.

He closes the distance between you, stroking his cock in his hand. He rubs the crown along your lips, before pressing his head past your lips. His precum coating your tongue.

"Suck," he commands and you do, you suck on his tip slowly, unsure of what to do. You begin to swirl your tongue around his head and the underside. You tentatively lick a stripe down his shaft. Soon, he loses patience and thrusts the whole length into your mouth in one go. If you had still been a human, your mouth would have been torn to shreds but your demon mouth gave you better strength to handle the harsh action. Your throat was forced open wide as he slammed into your mouth. Spit and precum drooling out of your mouth. You try your best to hollow your cheeks you can take him in better. But he gives you barely anytime to adjust and uses your mouth as he pleases. He grabs your hair and pulls out of the way, making it easier for you to take him. He forces you down on his cock, causing you to choke slightly.

"What a perfect cocksleeve for my cock," he laughs darkly, "so fucking perfect," his laughs turns to grunts as his thrusts get more harsher. You sob around his cock in pleasure. His hips begins to stutter, his cock begins pulsing in your mouth. It becomes heavier and you feel something hot and salty shooting down your throat.

Before you can take a breath, he's picking you up and throwing you onto the table. Your back hits the table harshly and you yelp. He yanks you towards him, spreading your legs apart. He runs the length along my aching, in slow, tortuous strokes. Making you whine.

"You did so well, you've passed all of my expectations so far. Now I need to you beg for me."

"Please, Muzan."

He growls, "please what?"

"I- y-your-"

He slaps your clit and you scream, "use your fucking words!"

"Please, Master," you beg. "Fuck me. Please."

He chuckles, "now there's a good little slut."

Finally, he's aligning his tip with your entrance. He slowly pushes the tip in. You can't keep your eyes away from the sight of him entering you. You feel every vein and every crevice as he pushes past your slick walls. The stretch burned and you struggled to accommodate his size. You instinctively clamp around him.

"If you fucking do that, I'm going to cum before I can even start. So relax," he demands, softly rubbing your tummy with his hands.

You take a deep breath and feel yourself relax. Soon he's all the way in and you moan at how full you are of him, at how much he stretched you out by just settling inside you.

He pulls out before slamming right back in. He grips your hips tightly as he begins ramming into you at full speed. The sudden action, causing you grip onto his shoulders for purchase. Creaking sounds and slaps of skin, fill the room as you get fucked by the Demon King. Every inch of his cock plunging into you deeper and deeper with each thrust, and it's not long before he finds the spot that once he hits it you turn into mush. Completely in a state of bliss as he abuses the spot over and over.

"More more more," you chant.

"Look at you so compliant and submissive for my cock," his growls. His red eyes flashing bright with contempt. "I knew when I saw you, you'd be a perfect fit for me and my cock. That's the main reason I recruited you. Was to have your pussy as my personal fuck toy."

You're so out of it. Every thrust and every inch of his cock scraping your walls is paradise. You didn't want him to stop. Suddenly the table breaks, but he catches you at inhuman speed before you can fall. You wrap your legs around his middle, as thrusts up into you, this new position made it hard to tell where he ended and where you begin. His chest was against yours, he took your one of your tits in your mouth and began sucking on it, causing you to arch your back. You grip his hair and drag your nails down his back. He seemed to be able to reach new places from this angle and you could feel the wave building up inside you and you shuddered as you clamped down around his throbbing cock. The coil in your stomach as it snaps and you can feel yourself coming undone.

“Fuck,” you sob in pure bliss from your high.

“You make such a pretty mess around my cock,” he cooes, he grips his hands around your neck. Not relenting from his consistent assault. He squeezes and instantly cum again from just the way he seemed to cut off air making you senses even more overwhelmed. “Like the pretty little slut you are, designed to take my cock like champ. Like that’s your only purpose in life is to satisfy my needs.”

Not long after you feel him growing within you, his thrusts become a little more erratic, but they still powerful to make you shake. He lets out a roar as hot white ropes of cum shoot into you. Your cunt flutters around him, hungry for every drop.

“Yess, my perfect little cum dump,” he slowly pulls out groaning at the sight of the white liquid oozing out of you. He gathers it in his fingers and pushes it all back into you, a hoarse cry escaping your lips. Because you were so sensitive. “But I’m not done with you yet.“ He picks you up and carries you to another table. He manhandles you so you’re flipped onto your stomach and your legs are hanging over the edge. He grabs some restraints and takes your wrists and binds then behind your back. Something covers you eyes taking away your eyesight. He was rendering you completely useless for whatever he had planned next and you could do nothing but take it. All of your senses were being limited and heightened at the same.

You could feel his hands grabbing your waist, pulling your ass to rub against his cock which was still rock hard. Your pussy lips are being pulled and pinched by his fingers. you feel sharp sting on your sensitive clit causing you to jolt at the sudden force.

“Such a pretty little pussy,”is all he says before slapping it again, then without warning,his cock is spears into you again. He feels even bigger than before, as your pussy struggles to take him. You have nothing to grip onto just your front being pressed into the table and his hands on your hips to anchor you as he plows into full force once again. Suddenly you feel something on your leg, it feels wet and hard. It creeped along your thigh. Another thing like it wraps around your other leg, stretching you out even further. Something prods against your other entrance, your ring of muscle is being prodded by it. Something like a tongue flicks against it but that’s impossible because Muzan is still fûcking you with his cock. It pushes past your ring of muscle, a new burning stretch takes over and your tight hole is being stretched by whatever this thing was. It didn’t matter what was teasing to your little hole you were spasming around his cock. You shake and fall apart at the overstimulation.

And it seemed Muzan was getting off of it because he was laughing and praising you.“ now you really look like a fuck doll, a perfect little toy for me to fuck. You should see yourself,” Suddenly your blindfold is being ripped off, while still being pounding into. Your head is being forced by something wrapping around it. It’s the same wet thing that is wrapped around your leg and attacking and fucking your asshole at the same time. Everything was too much. You had no sense of time or anything. You couldn’t tell if what too were seeing was real. But tentacles seemed to wrap around your throat and leg. Another one is pounding into your hole, while being split by Muzan’s cock which looked bigger. His hair was now a snowy white and fell into waves to his shoulders. His chest was the same but ribbons of red laced around his arms, mouths with sharp teeth dotted his skin in strange places and tentacles sprouted from his back.

“This is my true demon form, are you scared little one?”

But before you can speak, tentacles are being shoved into your mouth. Rendering you speechless, as you gagged around them. Saliva drooled down from your mouth and your eyes watered everything was too much. You were in a mix of pain and pleasure. Your body was not yours anymore. It was his. His plaything, his experiment. You should have been begging for him to stop. Begging for him to let you breath and trying to escape this beast. But you could only feel yourself getting more nd more turned on.

“What was that?” He taunts, “I can’t hear you.”

You babble or try to around his appendage, it leaves your throat for a moment, “no,” your voice is barely a sound, “I am not scared of you, I want more,” you wheeze out.

His eyes widen in shock for a moment, before darkening and sick, twisted grin takes over his features, “you should be. You should be trembling under my feet. I don’t think you understand the power I have over your now. For this body no longer belongs to you. It belongs to me and I’ll use it whenever please. Every vein, every moan, every curve and hole of your body, is MINE. Your only use to me is that of a perfect little fuckdoll for me to bend and break however I please. To use whenever and however please. You only exist to only please me. Understand?”

“Yes!” You scream, you’re a sobbing, trembling mess. “Please use me whenever and however you want.”

Your mind is broken, your body is spasming out of control. You are completely lost but yet your are mended by this devil.

“I’m yours, Master.”

“That’s right whore,” he seethes, “YOU. ARE. FUCKING. MINE!”

You cry in pure ecstasy, everything after that becomes a blur. All that you can understand is that his cock and appendage are pounding into both of your holes. You’re being split apart. Every inch of you is on fire. His claws rip into your skin at your hips, blood sprays out. But you keep taking it. You reveled in the pain. It made you feel alive. And if you were human, you’d be long dead but as a demon you could take any of it and you loved it. You loved how brutal and twisted this was. His tentacles wrap around your throat once more. Fingers forcing their way down your throat. You gag and choke from being denied of air and all sanity. He pulls his fingers out and smears saliva on your face.

He roars in delight, “what a filthy little bitch. You’re still so willing to take everything I give you. I love it. You are so fucking perfect for me.”

Suddenly one of his mouths latch onto both nipples your clit at the same time as if every inch of your soul ls being sucked out of you. You lose all feeling in your body. It writhes and falls apart over and over. You lose count of on how many times you cum in those minutes or how many positions he changes to wreck you in. You just take it. Your mindset slipping further and further away from any sanity or clarity. You were only aware of him and inch of you he broke and mended over and over again.

Finally, what seems like eternity, he’s shooting into you again, until you’re completely filled and covered in his cum. “You look so perfect covered and filled with my cum.”

He pulls out. All appendages and mouths detach from you and you’re falling into a heap but he holds on you. Not caring if you’re completely drenched in cum. You’re completely fucked and incoherent but his soft kisses bring you back slowly.

“So did I pass your initiation and requirements?” You ask sleepily. He chuckles.

“You met every single one of them and more. You’re nothing but perfect for me and I want you more than just my recruit. I want you as a my queen and you are perfect for that role. It’s why I was watching you for all these years waiting for the perfect time to claim you.”

“How long have you been watching me?”

He grins, “that night, when you murdered that monster, the both of you were supposed to be my victims. But you surprised me with how brutal you were. How cold and relentless you became and from then on, I knew I needed to have you.”

You’re at a loss for words, his scarlet eyes bore into yours with something like adoration and love. But that’s impossible because he’s a demon you’re sure he can’t really feel any of that.

“Well thank you for saving me,” you say, reaching up to pull his face down to yours. You claim his lips in a needy kiss. He hums in content. “I would love to be your Queen. I am yours, forever.”

“Yes, mine.”

[writingroom21]

The Nanny

Pairing: Rafe x Nanny Reader

Summary: Being Wheezie's nanny was great. The only downside was dealing with the oldest Cameron, Rafe. What happens when his fascination with the nanny becomes a reality?

Warnings: Angst, hurt, slight mentions of toxic family, (let me know if I missed any)

Wc: 6.2K

A/N: I'm sorry in advance for any heart ache

Chapter 6: Living for a Sunny day

“Who was that?” Sofia asks. Rafe just stands there watching you walk off, looking around meeting the eyes of everyone watching. A hand lands on his chest, the voice swatting the haze away in his mind. “Rafe, who was that?” He looks down to look at Sofia, he notices how her eyes don’t have the same golden flecks yours do. He searches her face trying to find something that would chase the thoughts of you out of his mind. Coming up short Rafe takes her hand off his chest, moving out of her grasp. “I gotta go.”

“Are you serious right now? You’re just going to run off to some other chick?” Sofia’s words rub Rafe the wrong way. Couldn’t she see that she was the other chick not the other way around. “Yeah I am. She’s not the other chick you are.” Rafe starts to chase after you, the bodies of people making it hard to get through. When he gets to the parking lot he can’t find your car. Knowing that you are probably home he gets in his truck, racing out to the street. The car ride was filled with silence, the only noise coming from his thoughts that won’t stop.

How could you fuck this up? This is why you are worthless, can’t even stop yourself from being stupid. Worthless that’s all he is. Not enough for his fathers love, his sisters, now you, he will never be good enough. His fist slaps on the wheel, the coke in his system fueling the rage he already feels inside him. The lights of the streets are just blurs due to how fast he’s going, not caring that he could be pulled over. He needs to see you. At least explain to you why he did it. You have to understand right? 

Tanny Hill comes into view, all the lights are out making him more nervous. Getting inside the house he doesn’t hear anything but your car is still in the driveway. The walk to the front door to the second floor where your room is takes forever. At the top of the stairs he can hear some music, so faint that it barely caught his attention. He knocks on the door then again when you don’t answer. “Please open the door. We need to talk.” Silence. The only sign of life on the other side coming from your music. Rafe jiggles the door knob, trying to force his way in. “Come on sunny open the fucking door.” Nothing.

Rafe’s fist starts pounding on the door, the other still trying to open it. “Open this fucking door right not. I swear to god I will knock it off its hinges.” His voice is shouting now, his side making contact with the door. “It didn’t even mean anything. Are you really going to just ignore me over something so fucking stupid.” The more you ignore him, the harder it is for him to keep his cool. He kicks the door only stopping once he hears you crying. Placing his forehead on the door he takes a deep breath. “Please, baby. Just…just open the door.” 

On the other side you are curled in a ball, hands over your ears trying to block the noise out. Flashbacks to when your father would yell at you come rushing back. Every argument playing in your head only makes the tears worse. “Please.” It sounds so pathetic, the pleading in his voice. He’s like a little kid again, begging his dad to love him, to show him any ounce of compassion after his mother died. “Please don’t leave me Sunny.” He stands there for a few minutes, waiting to see if you will finally open the door for him. When he realizes that you won't, he breaks.

Tears well in his eyes as he backs up, going to his room to regulate himself. The door slams behind him, shaking the frame. Rafe’s pacing around, his hand digging into his head, slapping himself to get out of this. Nothing works. The tears are now falling, staining his cheeks before he has a chance to wipe them away. Walking further into the room he notices something on his bedside table, it was empty this morning just a picture frame on it. Walking close he sees it’s the necklace. He picks it up, the burning in his eyes and throat intensifying. He slams the necklace back down, grabbing the frame and throwing it against the far wall. “FUCK!” He goes around the room, grabbing whatever he can just to throw it. Thinking if he can’t let the anger out everything will be fine in the morning.

The room is a mess. Broken glass liters the floor, stabbing into the soles of his shoes but he doesn’t care. He lays in his bed, the same sheets for when you both slept there. They still smell like you. He grabs the pillow you slept on, hugging it to his chest to get some comfort in you. Knowing that what he did would change the relationship for the worst. He falls asleep wishing that the night never happened, that he just waited for you instead of going to the bonfire by himself. No matter how much he wished for it, nothing will change. In the morning he will still be the failure he always was.

You wait until you can’t hear anything from the other end of the hall. Slowly getting up you start to pack a bag. Throwing whatever you can find into it and quietly leave your room. You sneak past his room down the stairs willing your footsteps to be quiet enough so he won’t hear. Making it out of the house you race to your car, starting it and leaving before he notices that you left. You can’t go back home, you still haven’t talked to your parents after you said you won’t be given them money. The texts you sent were left unanswered letting you know that you don’t have a place there anymore. If you’re honest you only think they kept talking to you because you would give them everything they asked. 

You just drive not really knowing where you will go. You guess that sleeping in the car would be fine but you would rather not have cops knocking on your window and running off to tell Ward. The next thought is Sarah. She’s most likely at John B’s with the rest of the pogues. Before you even know it you are parked in front of his house, then out the car and knocking on the door. If anyone saw the tears on your face they didn’t mention it, welcoming you with open arms.

✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶

The sun creeps in through the windows, beaming down on your face waking you up. The first thing you notice is the lumpy couch you were sleeping on. Then the dull headache forming behind your eyes, dehydrated from all of the crying. Finally you hear their voices, all of them talking in the kitchen as John B makes the gang something to eat. Your body just lays there, not wanting to get up and face the music. Last night memories flooding into your thoughts. Rafe’s hands all over Sofia, the way he agreed to leave with her. As if he wasn’t just in you a few hours before. Like he didn’t tell you how much he hated the thought of you with someone else. It’s his game isn’t it? He makes a girl feel special and once he’s done with her he’s onto the next. You weren’t any different from them. Why you thought he changed will just continue to be a mystery.

“Sleeping Beauty is up.” JJ’s voice carries into the living room. “Dude shut up.” Kie swats the backside of his head. “Damn my bad.” JJ replies while rubbing where she hit him. You sit up on the couch bringing your legs to your chest as the group makes their way over to you. “Hi.” your voice is weak, it doesn’t even sound like you. They all sit around you, Sarah handing you a glass of water and a plate of scrambled eggs and bacon. “Sorry, don't really have much around the place.” You just smile at the Routledge boy thanking him for the food.

“What happened?” Sarah asks. “No, I don’t wanna talk about it.” Everyone just looks at you, sharing glances. “Well, something had to have happened. You came here at 2 o’clock in the morning crying and asking me if you could stay the night something had to happen.” Sarah urges not wanting to press but she’s worried about you. She’s never seen you that upset, the closest time being after a fight with your parents. Even then you refused to talk about it. JJ swings an arm around the back of the couch, his hands rubbing your shoulder. “Come on princess, you can tell us what happened. We don’t bite… unless you are into that.” He winks at you. “Dude really.” Pope chimes in, nudging JJ’s leg with his foot. “What did Rafe do something again?” You scoff “What makes you think it was Rafe?” You argue the words not convincing you as they hit your ears. “Well, do I have to remind you about what happened at the country club? It’s like you two are seeing each other or something.” The room gets quiet, everyone expecting your answer but it never comes. “Oh my God please don’t tell me you slept with Rafe” Sarah asks. 

You shrink into yourself trying to hide from their prying eyes. “I didn’t think you’d get this far you know I just thought it was like something fun then it just got better. He just seemed like he actually cared about me. It’s stupid I just thought that it was different, you know?” No one knows what to say. Rafe’s history is no secret, the whole island knows how much of a womanizer he is. They just never expected for you to fall into the same trap, especially after seeing how it never worked. “What did he do?” Kie asks. “I caught him making out with some girl at the bonfire last night.” The room gets silent again. They share looks trying to find something to say to make you feel better. “So you are telling me that after the scene he caused at the club he still fucked this up. Fucking dumbass.” 

“Dude” Everyone yells. “Jayj really? That wasn’t necessary.” Kie says as she sandwiches herself between you and JJ. Putting distance between you and his dumb comments. “What? We are all thinking about it. Like come on, he finally gets a chance with her and he goes and hookup with another girl. It’s just so stupid.” He’s right it is stupid. A tear falls down your face and you wipe it. “Jayj is right, it’s stupid.” Sarah sits on the other side of you, pulling you into a hug. “It’s not stupid. Your feelings are never stupid.” Sarah rationalizes, wanting you to know it’s okay to let yourself feel something.

“He just seemed so different. Everything he was saying and doing made me really think he felt something for me.” You pause, taking a sip of water to drown the lump in your throat. “For fucks sake we were with each other for days. I told him things I haven’t told other people.” A sob breaks your sentence. Your emotions winning over causing you to break down in Sarah’s arms. “I know. He always seemed different around you. I’ve never seen him chase a girl the way he chased you.” Kie thinks she’s helping but it only hurts worse. If others saw a difference then what changed? Why would he act like he wanted more only to take that away. To break you in a way no one has managed.

“Want to know what I think?” Pope breaks the silence. “I don’t think you having feelings for him is stupid. You took his actions as him caring for you, there’s nothing wrong with that. He’s the stupid one. He’s going to have to live with the fact that he lost the one person who actually gave him a chance.” He stops for a second, finally looking at you. “He’s going to live with that forever. You are going to find someone better and never think about him again.” You smile are him, the tears blurring out his features. You can make out a shy smile, telling he’s nervous for voicing his thoughts. “Thank you Pope.” You laugh, wiping your tears. 

Pope is definitely the smartest out of everyone in this room. But he just found one thing he was wrong about. It doesn’t matter what pain you are feeling at this moment. It can be ten years down the line and you will still think about this. Every memory of him will always find its way to creep back in. His smile will forever be imprinted in your memories. Remembering all the times you were the cause of it. No matter how much you hate Rafe, a piece of you will always love him, and will always miss him. 

You pick at the food as you listen to them talk. Happy that they are finally letting it go. When you finish you take your plate to the sink, giving it a rinse before setting it down. “Hey want to go out to the marsh? We can go swimming and have a few beers.” John B shouts out to you. It doesn’t sound like a bad plan. It could be good to go out and actually have fun with some friends. “Sure why not?” The group all cheer, getting up to get ready. You borrowed a bikini from Sarah since you didn’t want to go back to the house. There’s slight bruising on your neck, the hickies Rafe left now starting to fade. You brush your fingers over them before throwing on some clothes, letting your hair down to cover them up. 

All of you make your way out to the dock, hopping into the boat and sailing off. The weather was beautiful today. The sun was shining and the temperature was perfect, hot but not to the point of suffocating you. “How many beers do you think I can down before dropping off the side of the boat?” JJ laughs, pouring beer into his mouth. Most of it didn’t make it in but it's the thought that counts. “Dude come on. You're going to waste all the beers before we can even drink them.” John B shouts. The waters ripples as the boat keeps pushing further into the marsh. It’s been a while since you’ve been out here.

The last time had to be with some friends in high school, yet again even that was very few. It was hard to get time alone with friends when you were working all the time. Everyday was school, work, homework, and sleep. On the rare occasions that you did have a day off it was usually spent helping out your parents. Cleaning up around the house while they were out doing god knows what. Or worse having to help your dad down from whatever high he was on as your mom ignores it. Thinking if she doesn’t pay attention then it isn’t a problem. 

Looking around at the group in front of you is refreshing. There’s not a single person here who wants something from you or expects you to be perfect. They just want you to be you. “Whatcha thinking about.” Sarah grabs your attention as she sits next to you, handing you a beer. “Nothing really. Just glad to have all of you.” She smiles at you, leaning back a little to let the sun warm her face. “He’s an idiot you know.” You both know who she’s talking about, yet neither one of you dare to say his name. “It’s okay Sarah.” It’s all you can really say, nothing else comes to mind. “No, I mean it. He spent the past year trying to get with you and now look at this. You always seemed to make him better. It’s a shame he let that go.” You just stare at her, words failing to form on your tongue. “Plus having you as a sister-in-law would have been pretty cool.”

You both giggle, the tension from your body leaving. It would have been cool being a part of her family. Maybe not with Ward he likes you but he would probably want better for the older Cameron. The rest of the family had no issues welcoming you in. It would have been nice to be a part of a family who actually cares about you, you still are but it’s different. The boat comes to a stop, JJ throws the anchor overboard to keep the boat in place. “Alright everyone, gather around this is your fun guide speaking. Today we have a very special activity for a very special guest. Today we will be getting smashed and partying till we drop.” JJ shouts, throwing off his clothes before jumping in the water.

“Hey smartass! Sorry to break it to you but we definitely don’t have enough beer to get smashed and we aren’t throwing a party.” John B shouts back at JJ. “Come one man. Can’t you just let me live my life. Trying to set a mood here.” They all laugh at the blonde boy ignoring his complaints. “Gross set the mood with someone else Jayj.” Sarah jokes sticking her tongue out at him. The rest of the afternoon was spent like that.

All of you joke around as you swim and drink, relaxing for the day with each other. By the time the sun is starting to set you realize you haven’t thought about Rafe once. Well now you are but it’s good that you can live your life without having a thought of him for a while. Everyone is back on the boat now, going back due to the lack of food that was brought. By lack of food you mean the no food that was brought.  The boat ride to Kie’s parents restaurant wasn’t long. All of you quite, too hungry to even speak to one another.

John B parks the boat and you all hop out, walking up the dock to get through the back of the restaurant. “Hey mom.” Kie calls out. “Hey sweetie.” Anna answers from behind the counter. “Let me guess free food?” She eyes the rest of you behind Kie. “I mean it's going to be thrown out at the end of the night. This way we aren't wasting more food than necessary.” Anna just looks at her for a second. She sighs making her way towards the kitchen. “Mike, fire up some food for Kie and her friends please.” SHe turns back to all of you. “Go on and sit. I’ll bring it out once it’s ready.” You all cheer, finding empty seats and sitting in them.

You are all chatting when you hear someone clear their throat behind you. Your shoulders tense for a moment, scared that it’s Rafe. But once you turn around you see that it’s Topper. “Hey.” He says. “Uh hey Topper what's up?” You ask, confused on why he’s talking to you. Your interactions with him consist of when him and Sarah were dating and the few times you ran into him when he’s with Rafe. Besides that the two of you don’t talk. “I was wondering if I could talk to you for a second. Privately.” He looks at the group and then at you. 

“Why do you need to talk to her?” Kie asks, squinting her eyes at him. “It’s okay Kie.” You reassure her then look back at the boy. He looks so out of place standing there all awkwardly. “Yeah we can go out the back.” You say while getting up. Topper follows you as you make your way to the outdoor seating area. “How are you doing? You know after last night.” He asks. You just roll your eyes at him, crossing your arms over your chest. “I’m doing great. Realized I was making a fool of myself but doing good.” He winces at your words. He watched as you left crying last night, then watched as Rafe came running by a few minutes later.

It wasn’t till later on in the night he really found out what happened. Him and Kelce sharing a look once they realized that their earlier conversation actually had an impact on Rafe. Topper actually felt bad for you. He may not have known you well but he did know how sweet you were. When him and Sarah were dating she would always rave about you. Rafe did too but it was always underlined with some infatuation with you. But the way he spoke about you at the bonfire was different then before, he was defensive over you as if he really cared about you.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know that’s where he ran off to.” You don’t want to hear the excuses, tired of being lied to. “It’s okay you don’t have to defend him.” Topper cuts you off before you can say anything else. “I’m not trying to defend him, I swear. I just thought he went off to do lines of coke or something. He was literally telling us about you before he went off. I really didn’t know.” It seems like he’s telling the truth, he doesn’t have a reason to lie. “It doesn’t matter. He did what he did and nothing will change it.” Your arms go to hug yourself, needing some comfort. 

“He was looking for you earlier. He’s been running around the whole island trying to find you.” Toppers words short circuit your brain. He was looking for you? “Why?” your eyes are trained to the ground not wishing that the ground will swallow you up. “He wants to talk I guess. Said that you don’t have the full story or something like that.” You scoff. “Full story? I caught him making out with a girl just hours after we were together. Just after he told me he doesn’t like seeing me with other guys. He just wanted me to be fully his while he could go do whatever he wanted. I don’t need to hear his excuses and you can tell him that.” 

As you walk away Topper calls out to you one last time. “At least let him know you’re alive. He’s been freaking out because all his calls go straight to voicemail and you aren’t answering his texts. He fucked up, I get that but he’s genuinely scared that you’re hurt. I’ve never seen him like this.” You pause and look at him. “I didn’t have my charger with me last night. My phone is probably dead right now.” With that you go back into the restaurant finding that the food has already been brought out.

You sit down at the table, everyone watching as you start to eat your burger. “What did he want?” Pope asks, sipping his water. “Take a wild guess.” You snap back, inhaling sharply once you hear your tone. “Sorry I didn’t mean to be rude.” Pope reaches a hand over the table, grabbing yours and giving it a tight squeeze. “It’s okay. We won’t talk about it again.” Their conversation drowns out, your thoughts too loud to hear what is going on in the outside world. You didn’t even realize you had finished your food or that everyone was waiting on you. 

“Why don’t we head back? It’s getting late.” Sarah suggests, her eyes watching you as you gather your things without a word.Throughout the whole process of getting back you are quiet, Topper's words still ringing in your head. He doesn’t truly care that you were gone, he only cared that he couldn’t lie his way out of this mess. Rafe knows that this is over, that last night was the breaking point of the relationship. That’s why he’s scared, he’s scared because nothing will dig him out of the hole he made for himself.

“You can stay the night again if you want. I really don’t mind, I can even kick JJ out of the other room so you can have a bed.” You look at John B as you walk towards the house. “It’s okay really. Ward, Rose, and Wheezie are getting back tomorrow anyway. It would be weird if I wasn’t home when they got there.” There would be questions if you weren’t there, Wheezie would hound you until you told her. As much as it hurts, you could never bring her or the rest of them into this mess. Not only for the safety of your job but more importantly for Rafe. If they found out what he did they would just chastise him further. He may have done bad things but deep down he’s not a bad person.

“If that’s what you want then okay. But call us if you need anything.” He pulls you into a hug, letting go and walking into the house. You go inside and grab your bag, saying a quick goodbye to everyone and heading to your car. Once inside you just sit there, willing yourself to start the engine and drive back to Tanny. After what seems like forever you gain the courage to finally start the car, if only it had the same plan. You twist the key, the car starts to make a weird noise. It sounds like it's starting, the rumbling of the engine goes, then it stops to make a clunking noise. “You have got to be kidding me.” You mumble under your breath, resting your forehead on the wheel. You try your key again and the same thing happens, only this time louder and worse. 

A knock on your window startles you, jumping back and grabbing your chest and you see that it's JJ. You open the door and he stands there leaning on it and the roof of the car. “Having car trouble princess?” Funny you think. “No shit sherlock.” You mumble. You guess it’s a good thing that you’ve been saving for a new car. The money can now go into fixing this hunk of junk. “Come on, I can give you a ride. I heard you tell John B you should be home for tomorrow.” He grabs you to drag you out the car, getting your bag and slamming the car door. “Really?” “My bad the door just slipped.” He raises his hands up in surrender.

JJ walks over to his bike, handing you his helmet and getting on. You take it from him, placing it on and clumsy hopping on the back. “Gotta hold on to me tight unless you want to fall off.” Your arms wrap around his waist, squeezing him really tight, probably more than needed. “Jesus gonna kill me with that grip. Relax a little would ya.” You do as he says. Once he is satisfied enough he starts the bike and is racing off.

✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶

Rafe has been freaking out all day. He woke up this morning and ignored the mess in his room, going straight to your door. He knocked, waiting a second before knocking again. “Sunny it’s me. Can we please talk?” He tries to open the door, happy to find that it wasn;t locked like last night. Relief washed over him as he opened it up, glad you finally came to your senses. That all vanishes when he sees that the room is empty. Your bed was slightly messy but the covers were still fully on so you hadn’t slept there. There were a few articles of clothing that were tossed around. Everything was in place, the only thing missing was you. 

At first he thought you were just down stairs, already starting your day but when he got down there he couldn’t find you. Looking out the front door he sees your car is also gone. That’s when the panic startles to fully set in. You were gone, just picked up your things and left. There’s an ache that starts to form in his chest, his breathing getting shorter as his shaky hands get his phone to dial your number. The first ring goes through, the second cut short by your voicemail. “Sorry I couldn’t come to the phone right now. Text me if you need me, bye!” Your voice plays through his phone speakers. “Fuck!”

He starts to spam you, every call going straight to voicemail, his texts going unanswered. He’s been driving around the whole island looking for you and nothing. Every bad thought starts to race in his head. What if you got hurt? There’s creeps out there, if you left in the middle of the night they could have gotten to you. Or worse, you got in some accident and no one knows where you are. You could be dead in a ditch somewhere. Every new theory sends him down a deeper spiral. All his thoughts pointing to you being dead and truly leaving him. He can handle you hating him because he would know you’re safe. But he can’t handle you being gone, he can’t go through this again.

A water drop hits Rafe’s check, then another, a sob making its way through. He’s pacing around the house, tears freely falling. His fear of losing you brings back the memories of his mom. Watching day after day as she got worse, the doctors not doing anything to save her. He’s eight all over again begging his mom to not leave him, for her to get better, singing her the lullaby she sang to him. She was the first person to ever love him, to show him that he was worth something. Once she died she became the last one. Ward blamed him for everything, the fact that he had his mothers features making Ward’s hatred for him worse.Wheezie and Sarah never treated him badly but he knew they were afraid of him. 

When Rose came into the picture things took a turn for the worse. He hated that his dad could move on so quickly, as if his mother meant nothing to him at all. Rose tried to be nice but shortly stopped after realizing that Rafe would never like her. Everyone on the island either hated him or was afraid of him, no one took a chance on him. That was until you. You came into his life with that beautiful smile and kind words. You turned the world around every time you talked to him. Never once showing fear or disgust like everyone else. It was like he wasn’t Rafe Cameron the island's basket case, he could be who he wanted with you. But he’s fucked it all up.

His pity party was cut short when the sounds of a motorcycle made its way into the house. He rushes to the front door swinging it open to be greeted by the sight of you on the back of JJ Maybanks motorcycle. His blood runs hot as he watches you get off handing him the helmet and hugging him. Rafe can’t hear what’s being said but he doesn’t like how close the two of you are right now. Hypocritical but he doesn’t care. He watches as you turn around the smile dropping from your face when you see him. There was a sinking feeling in his stomach, bile threatening to leave him.

As you get closer you just stare at the floor walking past him into the house without a word. “Sunny.” Rafe’s voice shakes as he calls for you. “Don’t call me that!” You shout at him continuing to walk to the stairs. “Please can we just talk.” He pleads as he follows you. “There’s nothing to talk about Rafe. What’s done is done.”You look at him over your shoulder, he looks so fragile. “Please baby. I need you to talk to me. FUCK! Yell for all I care, please.” He sobs, hands grabbing your arm as you try to  walk up the steps. “I can’t keep going on like this. I-' You turn around to face him. “You what? Huh? You thought ‘hey I had enough of her time to fuck some other slut’ Or was it ‘I have her wrapped around my finger. She’s so dumb that she’ll let me fuck other girls.’” You didn’t realize how close you got.

You're practically staring up at him. “No, I swear” His eyes red as tears streak down his checks. “Fuck! Why can’t you just listen to me! I’m trying…” “You’re trying? Are you fucking kidding me? So let me get this straight, you fuck me practically every day as id I’m this sex toy for you. Then you go out and make out with these other girls as if you weren’t just cumming in me. If thats you trying, you fucking me and others is you trying?” Tears well up in your eyes and your voice cracks at the end. Rafe starts pacing around with his arms wrapping around his head. He’s mumbling but nothing is audible. “If that’s you trying then it’s a good thing it’s over. I deserve better than that.” This stops Rafe in his tracks. He starts walking to you but stops before he can reach. “Please don’t leave me.” It’s barely a whisper but you still heard it. 

Your eyes widen and mouth drops open but nothing comes out. You stare at him as his hands cover his eyes. Wiping away any tears like if you saw them you would see how weak he was. How weak you made him. “I was scared okay. I’m scared you will leave me like everyone. I- I can’t stand not being around you. Don’t start.” Your mouth shuts, words dying on your tongue. “You make everything better. I have these thoughts sometimes and” a sob cuts his words “they stopped when you were around. All the ‘I’m to good enough’, ‘you’re a failure’, all that shit just fucking vanished. You’re like sunshine, everything just seems brighter around you.”

He takes a deep breath. “That day at the country club when I saw you flirting with Maybank I saw red. I just thought you were going to see that you don’t need me that you were better off with someone else. Everyone has left me but you leaving would break me. I was scared and I did what I always do I fucked up. I pushed you away so you can’t hurt me. I didn’t think that you would care, I swear.” He grab your arm pulling you towards him. Rafe’s arms wrapping around your waist as he hurries his head in in junction where your neck meets your shoulder. Your right hand raises to rub his head, the left rest on his bicep. 

“You’re right you didn’t think. You really hurt me.” You starts to pull away from him, Rafes eyes dropping to watch his empty hands. “I thought I meant more to you. I told you we needed to communicate and you didn’t. I just” “I’m trying to. This is me trying to tell you.” The blue eyes that you loved looked so broken and empty. A matching set to yours. “It’s a little too late. I don’t know how to trust you right now. Rafe I told you things that I’ve always kept a secret. I thought it was obvious that I always cared about you. Yet all I’m given in return is deceit, I caught you making out with another girl. Did you even mean the things you said? I just need sometime.” 

The sandals you wore echo along the floor as you back up. His left hand catches you before you could get too far. “This can’t be it, please Sunny. I fucked up I know. I let Kelce get into my head and I spiraled, I know that. But please give me a second chance…please. Today I thought you were hurt or dead. You scared that shit out of me today and I couldn’t stand the thought of never being able to see you again. Please we can work this out.” You met his eyes, tears welling up. “I can’t do this right now Rafe. This really hurts me, don’t make it harder.”

“Nothing I say will change your mind will it?” Rafe lets you go and walks away leaving you behind. “Do you know how scared I was last night? You scream, smashing my door, and throwing stuff around is scary Rafe. All I could think about was my dad, I didn’t like when he got like that. I won’t take it from you either.” Your words stop him in his tracks but you don’t stick around to watch. Tears hit the floor, a tiny sob leaving your lips as you make your way up the stairs. Making it in your room, you curl up into bed crying until you finally fall asleep. Wishing that the past two days never happened and this was just some bad nightmare.

[inthedoghousern]

i'd have to think about it

pairing: daniel ricciardo x fem!reader

summary: it seemed like it was meant to be, but things don't always work out. too bad you might still be in love with each other. inspired by "i'd have to think about it" by leith ross.

contains: childhood friends to lovers, fluffy stuff, angsty stuff, cursing, reunions, breakups, proposals, pregnancy (is it drs? maybe not...) there's a lot.

5.2k words

a/n: sorry it's been a minute, school distracts me from the truly important things in life (this acc).

18 years old 

"Danny," you whisper into the dark guest room. You weren't sure if he was asleep, you hope he wasn't. "Danny," you whisper again, slightly louder. You can hear blankets shuffling. 

"What?" you hear him groan. 

"Are you awake?" 

"Now I am," he answers, annoyance in his voice.

There's a bit of light filling the room from the moon outside, and your eyes finally adjust to the darkness. You can make out Danny in the bed, he sits up looking towards you.

"Good, come on," you whisper still standing at the door. You're trying to be as quiet as possible to avoid waking up the rest of the house. 

The two of your families had been close your whole life. You and Daniel were only one year apart, which meant that the two of you were always paired up. Over the years you became inseparable, and the dynamic between your families only got stronger. Your families were always on vacations together, at the race track to support Danny, staying at each other's houses for a few days for a change of scenery. This weekend was one of those instances. 

You peek your head into the hallway, making sure there's no light from under any of the bedroom doors, the last thing you wanted was to wake up your parents, Danny's, or any of the siblings.

"Why? What time is it?" He rubs his eyes.

"Danny, come on!" you whisper-yell, getting impatient. 

"Ok ok." He finally surrenders and gets up. He trails behind you as you quietly make your way through the house. At the door, you slip on your flip-flops and Danny follows suit. 

You open the door and lead the two of you away and down the suburb street. After you're a good distance away from the house, Daniel finally speaks again, "Where are we going?"

"The beach," you answer plainly, still walking and looking ahead. You lived just a few minutes away from the shore. 

"Okay... and we're going because?" Daniel asks. He's confused why you've dragged him out of bed and are cryptically answering his question. 

You turn and look at him, "You're leaving in a few hours. I wanted to hang out!" you answer, a hint of a smile tugging at your lips. 

He smiles back and shakes his head. "Why didn't you just ask before we went to sleep? Like a 'hey Danny, let's sneak out later, ok?'" He grins. "You let me get comfortable."

You laugh, "Sorry, I couldn't sleep and just decided in the moment."

"It's alright, I guess," he teases as he wraps his arm around your shoulder. 

The two of you walk in step with each other the rest of the way. A comfortable silence between you, only the sound of your flip-flops slapping on the pavement and the rustling of the trees around you. The March air is cool on your bare legs, but you're both in hoodies and don't really mind the temperature. As you get closer to the beach, the crashing of the waves also fills the silence. 

When you get to the beach, you kick off your shoes and walk to the edge of the water. It's quiet as the two of you watch the waves roll over your feet. 

"Are you excited?" you ask breaking the silence.

"Yeah, I really am," he answers. 

In a few days Daniel was leaving for the start of his racing season, he was going to be all around the world for the next few months. This year was an even bigger deal than normal, as last year he was selected to drive with the Red Bull Junior Team, so this was his first year with them. 

You look down as you lightly kick around the sand with your feet. 

"I'm going to miss you, you know," you say in a playful tone, but you really do mean it. 

"Hey, I'm back in August." He nudges you with his shoulder and ducks his head slightly to try and meet your eyes. 

You look up from the sand and at him, "I'm leaving in August before you get back, remember?" You give a small smile. He wasn't the only one traveling this year, you'd graduated from school in December and decided to go to an American university. So your first semester started in August. 

"Oh, right." Daniel looks out at the water again with a small frown. 

A silence falls over the two of you again. You just listen to the steady rhythm of the waves crashing. 

"It won't be too bad. You're still coming to some of my races, right?" Daniel starts, still looking out. "And when you start school it's not like you're never coming home again," he jokes.

You laugh softly. "True."

It's quiet again as you let your mind wander. It was normal for Danny to be out and about with his racing stuff, but starting school across the world was going to make both your schedules even crazier. But your families always found a way to spend time together. It would work out. You really hope it would. 

You're ripped out of your thoughts when you feel Daniel grab you and throw you over his shoulder.

"Hey!" you yell in surprise. He laughs and starts walking deeper into the water, and you know what he's going to try and do. 

"Don't you dare... oh my god, put me down!" You're squirming and hitting him, trying to save yourself.

"Put you down?" You stop fighting and simply rest your head on his back when you've realized your fatal error. "Sure!" he answers happily. 

And with that, he throws you off into the water. You're completely submerged for a moment and then come back up to the surface. Daniel stands in front of you, a smile plastered across his face. You push your now wet hair out of your face and stand up too. The water is up to your mid-thigh at this point. 

"Really?" You splash water at him. 

Daniel just laughs in response and turns slightly in a weak attempt to avoid the water. 

You splash more water at him and he does the same back. His clothes are progressively becoming more wet but it's nothing compared to how drenched you are.

As you go to splash him again, Danny grabs both of your wrists and holds them in front of you. He starts pushing you back and the water is rising to your waist. 

You push back, trying not to get dunked again. In a fit of giggles, the two of you struggle against each other. 

Danny slips a little bit and you take your chance, pushing him hard. But his grip on you is still strong, and as he tumbles backward into the water, you go right down with him. 

When the two of you come up to the surface you're both laughing hysterically. Daniel lets go of you and you move back slightly, you're floating in the shallow water facing each other. 

"This is your fault," you joke. You're smiling so hard that your cheeks are starting to hurt. 

"I don't know what you're talking about," he smiles just as hard back. 

The water isn't deep, but you and Daniel stay submerged up to your shoulders. You don't know what else to say, and it seems like Daniel doesn't either, the two of you just look at each other. Both of your smiles relax a bit, and you notice Danny's eyes flicker down to your lips and back to your eyes. You feel your stomach drop a little. You're probably seeing things. 

He swims even closer to you, a lazy smile still on his lips. You lightly push his face to the side, your heart beating fast. What was he doing?

He slowly looks back at you. "I'm going to miss you too."

"I'd hope so," you answer teasingly. You're trying to ignore how he's looking at you. 

"Yeah?" He counters with a raise of his eyebrows. 

"Yeah."

It's quiet again and you just look at each other. The way your heart is beating out of your chest is just too much. You break your eyes away from him and stand up, making your way to the shore. 

Daniel lingers for a moment, watching you, but eventually, he gets up and follows. 

Your wet clothes are heavy as you make your way across the beach to your shoes. As you pick up your flip-flops, you feel Daniel come up beside you, grabbing his shoes too. Neither of you put them on, and instead, just hold them at your sides as you leave the beach. 

There's a certain amount of tension between you two as you walk back to the house. You can't describe it, and honestly, you're not even sure if it's just in your head or not. But you can't help but feel your stomach doing flips as you walk side by side down the street. 

As you're walking, Danny starts to veer towards the side, walking into you. His side hits yours, and you laugh a bit as he gets you off balance. He keeps doing this and you run forward to escape him. 

You turn to look at him behind you, walking backward down the street. A grin is back on his face, and on yours too. 

You throw one of your flip-flops at him, and it hits him in the leg. It's not a hard throw by any means, but shock spreads over Danny's face at your assault. 

He grabs the flip-flop and throws it back at you, but you dodge it. He still has two more shoes though. 

When he launches the next one, you're not prepared and it connects with your arm. 

The next moments are filled with you and Danny throwing shoes at each other and running around the empty road like maniacs. 

There are still no words exchanged between the two of you, just laughter and the slap of flip-flops against your wet sweatshirts, bare skin, and the pavement. 

-

You wanted the street to stretch on endlessly. You didn't want to get to the house because you knew that the moment would be over. It would've made it a reality that Daniel was leaving soon and so were you. 

But unfortunately, the street had its limits. You and Daniel walked into the house and quietly made it back to your respective rooms. You said your goodnights. After the sun rose in the next few hours, Daniel and his family packed their stuff into the car. You two said your goodbyes. 

You weren't able to go to any of his races that season. He didn't get back before you left for university.

You only came back for winter break that school year. Your families saw each other once. 

When your summer vacation came around and you were back in Australia, Daniel was already gone. 

This cycle repeated for the next three years. He invited you to races. You couldn't make it. You invited him to your graduation. He couldn't make it. 

The frequent phone calls got difficult with time zones, so your communication turned exclusively to texting. Eventually, those slowed down too.

You watched each other's lives in pictures. Forgetting what the other's voice sounded like in person. But you never forgot how much you cared for him, and he never forgot how much he loved you... 

-

24 years old

"Danny!" You call out across the lobby of the Monaco hotel. He turns and flashes you one of his signature smiles. You hadn't seen it in what felt like ages.

He walks over and you two embrace in a tight hug. 

You pull apart and his hands are on your shoulders as he looks down at you. "I'm so glad you're here," he says.

"Me too!" You respond with just as much enthusiasm.

The past few weeks you and Daniel had been talking more frequently, finally trying to coordinate seeing each other again. You were both in luck when the days leading up to the Monaco Grand Prix, as well as the race weekend, fit into your schedule.

For a moment you're just smiling at each other, taking in one another's presence. A long overdue reunion. "Let's go, yeah?" He asks.

You nod and the two of you leave the hotel, ready to start making up lost time.

For the rest of the day, you two are attached at the hip. It was nice you got to spend so much time together before all of his racing and media obligations.

You're smiling to yourself now as the evening breeze dances lightly through the narrow streets of Monaco. You and Daniel stroll side by side, relishing in the familiarity of each other's company.

The city lights cast a warm glow upon the cobblestone pathways, and laughter and chatter spill from the restaurants, blending with the soft melody of distant music. It's a picturesque scene, one that perfectly reflects this moment shared between two old friends reconnecting.

"You know," Danny says, breaking the silence, "I should've kissed you that night."

You glance at him, eyebrows raised in surprise. "What?"

"On the beach," he clarifies. "I know you remember." He laughs slightly. 

A soft chuckle escapes your lips as you shake your head in disbelief. "I can't believe you're bringing that up now."

"But I'm serious," he insists, his tone playful yet earnest. "It might just haunt me."

"Haunt you?" you echo, unable to suppress a smile at his confession.

Danny shrugs, his expression turning thoughtful. "Yeah, I mean... I've been thinking about it, seeing you again and everything. Wondering what could've been if I had just taken the chance."

You pause, the weight of his words sinking in. Despite the casual atmosphere, there was an underlying tension, a silent acknowledgment of the unsaid feelings lingering between you.

"I guess we'll never know," you say finally.

Danny nods. "Yeah, maybe you're right."

"I have missed this though," Danny continues, his voice softer now, "Just being with you, like old times."

You smile. "Me too."

Daniel wraps his arm around your shoulder, and the air is filled with a comfortable silence as you continue your stroll back to the hotel. Despite the passing of time and the unspoken words hanging in the air, there was a sense of ease in your companionship, a familiarity that went beyond any tension.

Lost in your thoughts, you steal glances at Danny, noting the way the lights danced across his features, casting a soft glow on his easy smile. Memories continue to flood back in your mind, intertwining with the present moment. You recall the laughter you've shared, the secrets whispered, and the countless hours spent together. But now it seems like you've spent just as many hours apart. 

Lost in reflection, you barely notice when Danny's arm falls from your shoulder and he stops walking. 

You stop too, turning to face him, confusion on your face. "What's up?"

He meets your eyes, his expression unreadable for a moment before he takes a deep breath as if steeling himself. "I know I shouldn't bring this up now, especially after all this time, but…"

Your heart skips a beat, anticipation and a tinge of anxiety rising in you.

He looks down for a moment, gathering his thoughts, before meeting your eyes again. "...I never stopped thinking about you, you know. Even after all these years, even when we were apart."

You feel a rush of emotions within you, "Danny…"

"I know it's complicated, and I don't expect anything from you. I just needed to say it, to let you know."

You're taken aback by his confession, you feel surprise, uncertainty, and a flicker of something you dare not name. For years, you've kept your feelings tucked away, buried beneath the weight of missed opportunities.

You don't speak, but you can feel a small smile start to tug at the corners of your lips. 

You laugh a bit, shaking your head, and step closer to him. You're amused by just how much time the two of you have wasted. 

He smiles back.

Neither of you have to say anything. The expression in your eyes and the ease with which your arms wrap around his neck and his hands find your hips say enough. 

You feel his warm breath against your lips as he leans in closer, closing the gap between you. The world seems to fade away, leaving just the two of you in that moment, suspended in time.

It's a gentle yet passionate kiss, filled with years of longing and of the realization that perhaps fate had brought you back together for a reason.

-

After that reconnection, you two didn't waste any time. It felt as though the universe had conspired to bring you back together, and you weren't about to question its timing.

You officially started dating soon after, diving headfirst into a relationship that felt both exhilarating and comforting.

Years flew by in a blur of shared laughter, quiet moments, and unforgettable adventures. You celebrated milestones together, from anniversaries to Daniel's achievements in racing, always by each other's side through thick and thin.

You couldn't be happier. Your families couldn't be happier. Even the fans couldn't be happier. Childhood best friends to lovers. It was perfect. Everything was perfect. For a while it really was. 

-

32 years old

"What do you think?" Daniel holds a ring in between the two of you. It wasn't some over-the-top gesture, he didn't get down on one knee; he knew you wouldn't want that. 

So tonight he brought up the question, he asked if you would marry him. 

"Daniel, I..." you trail off uncertainty in your voice. You look at the ring and then back up at him. 

Daniel feels a lump form in his throat. This wasn't the reaction he was expecting. What made it worse was the seriousness in your voice. 

"What's wrong?" His brows furrow. 

"What does the future look like after this?"

He should've known you were going to ask this. You two were lucky in that your relationship had little tension. You rarely fought, even after the many years spent together. But there was one point of contention, even more so lately: Family. Kids. 

During the first few years of dating, you two were always pestered about marriage and kids. Then, the two of you said it wasn't the right time. There was no rush to get married, to start a family. Not back then. But it's been eight years and now you're the one who's been trying to bring up the topic. You certainly didn't need a diamond ring from Daniel to cement your relationship, but starting a family with him was something you wanted. But Daniel was never as clear in what he wanted. 

"You really want to get into this right now?" He sounds a little annoyed. 

"We need to talk about this. I can't ever get a straight answer out of you." You start while shaking your head. "I'm ready to settle, Daniel. Soon. And I can't tell if you want that too. I want to start a family and I want that to be with you, but every time we try and talk about this we just put it aside for another day."

"Baby..." he trails off, his hand holding the ring falling to his side. 

You cross your arms over your chest. "No, I'm serious. You know we don't have forever to decide this."

"What do you want me to say?"

"Tell me where you see us after this. Is it still just racing?"

"We do both," he says. 

"I don't want that. I know it's not fair to you, for me to ask this. But I don't want to do it alone. I can't."

He takes a step closer, "You wouldn't be alone."

"No Daniel, I would. It's inevitable."

You're right. He could try his best, but there was no way he could be there every step of the way while starting a family. Racing was just too demanding and time-consuming. 

"Are you seriously doing this to me?" his voice cracks.

"I'm sorry," you choke out. "I love you so much okay? But tell me the solution to this. I'm not going to ask you to stop racing." You've been with him through his whole career, you know how much work he's put in. How much he loves it. And you know he's not ready to stop yet. 

He runs his hands over his face. It was an impossible decision. A gut-wrenching situation. But Daniel's stomach drops because he knows you're right. 

"So what? We're breaking up right now?" His voice is laced with anger. 

"Don't be like that." You're hurt by his tone.

"Be like what? We've been together for almost eight years and you want to end it just like that. I just asked you to fucking marry me!" 

"Eight years of me following you, Daniel! My life has revolved around wherever you have to be, where you have to race. And that's fine, I didn't complain because it wasn't all bad. And I love you so what did it matter? But I'm tired of it Daniel."

He doesn't say anything and the two of you just look at each other. 

Finally, Daniel speaks, "So this is it?"

You bite the inside of your lip. It seemed like Daniel made a decision, you weren't surprised by it, but it still hurt. Racing was his everything. 

"I guess so."

Daniel runs his hands through his hair and turns away from you. 

"What a waste of time," he mutters.

You feel your brain go numb and you can't believe what you've just heard. This wasn't easy for you. You weren't happy about it either, not one bit. 

Before the two of you got together, you didn't even want to start a family. But eventually, that changed, and when you became a mom you wanted it to be with him, it was supposed to be with him.

"Are you fucking serious?" You snap back at him. 

"What else would you call this? It's been nearly a decade."

"So none of it even matters anymore? You can be mad at me, but what the fuck is wrong with you." You're awestruck at how he is handling this situation. 

"What the fuck is wrong with me? You're the one making me choose between you and my career." He answers angrily. 

"And you chose."

"I guess I did."

-

You knew that you would love again. But the months after you and Daniel broke up were difficult. The two of you didn't talk at all. You coordinated move-out technicalities through friends and family members. Any trace of one another on your social media was wiped clean, which was nearly your whole account considering you'd been together so long. Plus the fans and media did not take the situation lightly. Your comments were always filled with things about him, and vice versa on his accounts. 

But eventually, things slowed down. 

You just left social media altogether and started a quieter life in Australia, without him. Eventually, you met someone and you started to make amends with the situation. You moved on. Your new boyfriend is a gentleman. And soon he became fiancé, then husband. And you're content. 

Daniel focused on racing. He avoided the ongoing questions about you from the media, from his team, the rest of the grid. He avoided the silence in his drivers room without you in it. He avoided the empty space next to him as he traveled the world. But eventually, he moved on too. The late-night drinks over you turned into drinks with friends. He knew he could be content again too...

-

37 years old

Daniel could feel a wave of anxiety wash over him as he walked up the front stairs of your childhood home. He hadn't been here in years. He hadn't seen you in years. For the last few family events, you and Daniel were never there at once. He'd go to one, you'd skip, the next one, you'd go and he'd skip. 

But it's been five years since you broke up. It's been five years and he knows you've gotten married. He hasn't met your husband. He knows you've had a kid. He hasn't met your daughter. 

It's been five years and your families have gotten sick of walking on eggshells around the two of you. Especially since it seems like both of you have moved on. So they put their foot down and said you both had to come.

Daniel walks into the house and is welcomed by the familiar sight of both your family members bustling around, preparing for the gathering. There's a mix of nostalgia and apprehension within him as he scans the room, searching for a familiar face.

"Daniel!" Your mother's voice cuts through the chatter, and he turns to see her approaching him with a warm smile. "It's been too long. How have you been?"

He manages a small smile in return, "I've been good, thank you. How about you?"

As they engage in small talk, Daniel can't help but steal glances around the room, his heart pounding in his chest as he anticipates seeing you again. He wonders if you're here yet, if you're as nervous as he is about this encounter.

"Oh, come here!" your mother calls out, beckoning a man that Daniel doesn't recognize. Daniel's heart sinks as your mother introduces your husband. Daniel extends a hand, forcing a polite smile as he greets him.

"It's nice to meet you," Daniel says, trying to ignore the knot of jealousy tightening in his chest.

Your husband offers a friendly smile in return, shaking Daniel's hand firmly. "Likewise, Daniel. She's told me so much about you."

Daniel's smile feels strained now, the weight of the situation bearing down on him. He can't help but feel like an outsider in this moment, a silent witness to the life you've built without him.

"Speaking of her," your husband says as he looks around the room, "she might be in the backyard."

Daniel nods, his heart sinking even further at the mention of you. He forces himself to maintain his composure, offering a polite nod to your husband before excusing himself from the conversation.

As he makes his way through the house, Daniel can feel the weight of the past five years pressing down on him. He wonders what he'll say to you, how he'll navigate seeing you after all this time.

Daniel freezes as he catches sight of you in the backyard, playing with a little girl who bears a striking resemblance to you. His heart skips a beat at the sight, a mixture of emotions swirling within him. He hadn't expected to be hit with such a strong reminder of the life he could've had with you.

You look up and notice him standing there, and for a moment, time seems to stand still as your eyes meet. There's a flicker of recognition, a hint of surprise.

"Hey Daniel," you say, your voice soft.

"Hi," he responds.

There's a brief pause, a silent acknowledgment of the years that have passed, the wounds that have healed, and the memories that still linger.

As you stand up, Daniel notices the slight baby bump under your dress.

"Congratulations," he manages to say, his voice laced with genuine warmth despite the turmoil he's starting to feel. "I didn't know that you were expecting."

You offer him a small smile in return, a mixture of gratitude and sadness shining in your eyes. "Yeah, I'm only a few weeks along." 

There's a heavy silence between you, you both struggle to find the right thing to say. 

You pick your daughter up and rest her on your hip, walking closer to Daniel. 

"Can you say hi?" you ask her with a smile. 

The little girl looks at Daniel with wide eyes, seemingly studying him for a moment before offering a wave.

"Hi," she says with a smile.

"She just turned two," you say, looking between her and Daniel. 

Your daughter nods, still smiling. 

Your husband comes out to the backyard, and you excuse yourself from Daniel for a moment. 

"Here," he says grabbing your daughter from you. "Time for us to hang out, little lady," he says to her and then gives you a small smile. You return it and he goes back into the house, giving you and Daniel a moment to yourselves. 

Daniel watches silently as your husband takes your daughter, feeling a pang of envy at the easy familiarity between the two of them. He knows he shouldn't feel this way, that it's irrational and unfair, but he can't help the twinge of jealousy that gnaws at him.

As you turn back to face him, there's a tense silence between you, filled with unspoken words and unresolved emotions. 

"How are you?" he asks softly. 

You glance away for a moment, gathering your thoughts before meeting his gaze again. "I've been good, thank you," you reply, your voice steady.

Daniel nods. "I'm glad to hear that."

"How are you?" you ask. "Racing seems like it's going well."

"Yeah, I'm loving it. It was shifty for a while, but I'm happy with how everything is going," he answers with a slight smile.

"That's great." You two sit down on the porch steps.

Side by side, legs slightly pressed against each other, it was a position you two had been in countless times. In this exact spot. But obviously, things were different now. So different.

There's a tension between you but despite it all, there's a flicker of something in your eyes, a hint of warmth and familiarity that draws him in.

"I'm sorry," Daniel says suddenly. "For everything."

You meet his gaze, your expression softening at his words. "Daniel..."

"What I said then. That it was a waste of time," he continues, his voice filled with sincerity. "It wasn't. Whether you were my girlfriend, or just best friend. Those years really did mean a lot to me."

You feel a rush of emotions within you, a mixture of sadness, regret, and longing.

"They meant a lot to me too," you admit.

 You both struggle to find the right thing to say, the right way to bridge the gap that has grown between you over the years.

"I know it's too late for us," Daniel says softly, breaking the silence. "But I just needed you to know."

You nod, a lump forming in your throat as you fight to hold back tears. "Thank you," you whisper, your voice thick with emotion.

You hate that you still feel this way about him. That it's been years and you have a new life, your own family. You're the one who wanted this. You're the one who left. 

But Daniel sits next to you and your mind wanders to what could be different. 

He's here at your childhood home. Your family, your kid, your husband just inside.

But in all honestly, if Daniel asked you to leave to be with him and split. 

Well, you'd at least have to think about it. 

[male-body-swap-lover]

That Suburban Dad Life

Nicholas Fletcher was young, but he was well on his way. A young ad exeuctive who lived in downtown Chicago. A stunning new condo at Wolf Point that looked directly down the south branch of the Chicago river. Not everyone was so lucky. And did he care? Not at all. Selfish. Unlikeable. Cutthroat. Just some words that described Nicholas Fletcher. At least he had the heart of Ms. Annabelle Davis. She came from a wealthy family and Nicholas saw it as a way to get ahead in his career. Today was the day he was going to propose to the “love” of his life. Unfortunately he was running late.

“God dammit. Stupid traffic. Why won’t these pedestrians move out of the way”, he said.

In his impatience, he accidentally hit the accelerator instead of the brake and hit an old woman walking in front of his car.

“Oh fuck” he said.

He got out of the car and walked to the old lady who had fallen. He tried to help her up but she swatted his hand away.

“I don’t need help. Could you not see I was walking” she screamed at him.

“Look lady, I am on my way to propose to my girlfriend. I don’t have time to wait for some old lady from the suburbs to cross the road. I’m sorry.

“Young man, you are impatient and unkind.”

“And you are kind of a dramatic bitch. Get up off the street so I can go.”

“All you young men are so rude. You call me suburban. I bet if you were suburban, you’d have some patience and manners.”

As she stood up, she whispered in his ear “I curse you. The next time you meet a woman from the suburbs, you are slowly going to turn into her ideal companion. It’ll teach you some manners and respect.”

Nicholas laughed as she slowly walked away. He got back into his car and sped away to Alinea.

He parked his car and was walking inside just as a young woman was walking out, crying. He tried to avoid her, but they accidentally bumped into each other.

“Oh I am so sorry. My boyfriend just dumped me. I came in all the way from Elgin and I thought he was going to propose, but he dumped me!” She started cring again.

Nicholas didn’t know how to respond, so he just muttered sorry and kept walking into the restaurant.

He greeted Annabelle and sat down. He had arranged to have the ring be presented as part of dessert. As they talked all through dinner, Nicholas felt off. He couldn’t get comfortable. Everything Annabelle kept talking about bored him. He just couldn’t figure out what was wrong with him and decided he wasn’t going to propose. He called the waiter over while she was in the bathroom and got him the stop the proposal. After finishing dinner, he parted ways with her and went home.

As he sat in his living room, he felt this weird urge to drive out to Elgin. He couldn’t shake the feeling so he decided to do it, and went into his room to change. He grabbed his cubs jersey and jeans, but for some reason he tucked his jersey into his jeans. He had to admit it looked dorky, but didn’t untuck it.

He got into his car and drove out to the Elgin. He didn’t know where he was going so after driving around passing house after house, he went downtown and ended up at a bar. He sat down at the bar and ordered a beer, even though he normally got a martini. The game was on and he was enjoying it even though he rarely watched sports because he was always working.

After a while a young woman sat down next to him. They started talking and they had a really good time. He knew he should go home and call Annabelle, but he was having a good time. Hours passed and suddenly it was time for the bar to close. He paid for her drinks and they walked out. They ended up kissing goodnight and he got back into his car. Only when he got in, did he realize the woman was the woman he had run into hours earlier in the city. He couldn’t believe it. He drove back into the city and went to bed.

Weeks passed and Nicholas changed. Annabelle kept calling him but he dodged all of her calls. His performance at work went downhill. For some reasons, nothing was making sense. He stopped going to the gym and he started gaining weight. He even let his facial hair grow in more. Every time he looked in the mirror, he thought he was starting to look more like his father. Finally his boss came into his office and told Nicholas he had to take some time off of work. He needed rest. Nicholas realized he was right and went home.

A week passed and Nicholas didn’t leave his apartment at all. Finally he felt the urge to go out and went to put on some suitable clothes. However nothing fit. He had gained so much weight that he was no longer a 32 waist. He found some sweatpants and decided to go shopping to get some clothes that would fit. On instinct, he drove out to the suburbs and went shopping at Kohls. It seemed to go by in a whirlwind and he found himself back home with bags and bags of clothes. As he looked through the bags, he realized everything he bought was not fashionable. It was all dad attire. He pulled out a a polo shirt and some cargo shorts. He laid them on the bed and started laughing. This was not him at all. It was something he thought some dad out in the suburbs would wear.

Then something came over him. Some insane urge to put on the clothes. So he stipped down. First he put on a white undershirt. Then he slipped on the polo shirt and buttonened one button. Then he put on the cargo shirts and tucked in his polo shirt. He grabbed a brown belt and cinched it around his waist. Then he grabbed a pair of white socks that he bought and put them on and pulled them all the way up. Then he slipped on a pair of sneakers and grabbed a baseball hat. He stood in front of the mirror and laughed. With his weight gain, and with his beard grown out, and with these clothes on, he could have passed for some suburban dad. He started laughing and then his body seized up.

Suddenly, Nicholas felt everything in his brain shifting. Thoughts of ads and revenue were replaced with electrical knowledge and wiring. Late nights at the office were replaced with thoughts of relaxing in a recliner with a beer watching sports. Weekends spent at the club were replaced with thoughts of grilling for the neighbors and mowing his lawn. Finally thoughts of Annabelle were replaced with thoughts of the woman he met at the bar, Natalie Richards. Nicholas suddenly snapped out of it. He looked around his trendy highrise apartment and knew that it was all wrong. He didn’t belong here. He belonged in the suburbs. He grabbed his keys, got in his car, and drove back to Elgin. For some reason he knew exactly where Natalie Richards lived. He got out the car, took a deep breath, and rang the doorbell. She answered the door.

“Hi Natalie, it’s Nick Fletcher. You may remember we met at the bar a few weeks ago. While I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you, and was just wondering if you would like to go on a date?”

“Oh Nick, that’s so unexpected. Yes, I would love to. Just give me a few minutes to get ready! And don’t you look cute!”

Nick stood outside and waited for Natalie. He struck up a conversation with some neighbors about the cubs performance. Time flew by and Nick and Natalie went on there date. Everything was perfect.

15 Years Later

Nick couldn’t believe how the years had flown by! The very next day after his first date with Natalie, he put his condo on the market and quit his ad job. He broke up with Annabelle and found a place out in Elgin. He also started his own electrician business with all the knowledge he had somehow gained out of nowhere. After six months of dating, Natalie and Nick got engaged, and six months later, they got married. Every part of Nick’s old life was gone. He no longer dressed in trendy clothes. He didn’t keep up with everything going on in the world. He wasn’t concerned about being at the top of his game. He just wanted a good stable homelife for himself, his wife, and his future family.

Nick and Natalie quickly got to business and had four wonderful kids, Michael, Jacob, Elizabeth, and little Nick Jr. They had to buy a bigger house in the suburbs and that was okay by them. There was now room for a pool out back and a ping pong table in the basement. Sure it was more expensive, but the business was doing well, and he could always save money other places. Anything to make his family happy was worth it. Yes he had gained more weight, and yes his hairline was receding, but he was happy. He had a good, steady middle class job, a good house in the suburbs, and a family who loved him. What could be better?!

[darkphoenix07]

Hi love if requests are still opened may I have an established relationship hongjoong oneshot where reader isolates herself frequently because of mental health and spends a lot of unwanted time in bed because she can’t muster up the courage to get up where hj helps her start her day and stuff?

Hongjong helps you as you isolate yourself often

Masterlist

Series Poll

Mental Health Request

Paring : Hongjong x Reader

Genre : Comfort, Fluff, Romance, Dance

Song 🎶: Everything I wanted by Billie Eilish and Cruel Summer by Taylor Swift

7.00 a.m.

You hear Hongjong entering the house as he parks his car in the garage. You want to get up, run towards him and hug him. You want to break in his arms feeling free as tears leave your eyes. You wish you could get up but it's too hard.

You have been lying on the bed for the whole day like a corpse. He called you a million times for having breakfast but you said you weren't hungry. He left kissing you goodbye, saying he loves you. But you didn't even say love you back. You laid there not moving a single muscle, not taking shower or having food.

Right now you can't feel your body. You don't feel like you are in this universe anymore. The pain, the anxiety, the panic attack have taken over your body suppressing everything.

"Baby, are you home?" His sweet voice echoes in the living room.

You haven't touched him for how long you don't remember. You don't know when was the last time, you kissed him, hugged him properly. Sex is far.

"Baby!" The way he calls you baby. It should pick your body up. You feel guilty for being such a prick. But you can't help. You imagine how he will leave you alone, you'll be able to lay here for the rest of your life until you actually become a corpse.

There looking for you, he enters in your room. Seeing the darkness of your room, the curtains all down, your blanket covering half of your body and you same gaze at the ceiling, he understands you haven't moved from the bed.

"Hey, are you feeling alright?" He asks entering as he touches you forehead.

"Hm," you mumble not wanting to get attacked with more questions.

But he notices how messed up your hair is though you aren't warm or cold. You are still wearing the dress from three days ago which means you haven't showered for three days.

You think of the consequences that will occur if he switches on the lights, pulls the blanket off you and starts screaming at you. What will you do?

You wait for it but the lights aren't being turned on, no screaming is around you like it used to happen in your household. Its more quite than usual that you can hear his heartbeat beside yours.

"Can I get inside?"

You would have said no. You would have pushed him away. But the way he asked you, the way he plead like he is asking foe forgiveness that you had to move slightly making space for him.

He gets inside the blanket though you know you stick as bad as a garbage can. He pulls you on his hand, "I want to have dinner outside with you or we can have a terrible cheat day. Only street foods and chocolate or ice cream. What do you say?"

You don't answer him so he looks at you with all of the love he has for you, "Or we can stay here in the bed while I sing for you. Then we can take a shower together while dancing and order dinner. I can make you some too but I am not as good as Wooyoung when it comes to cooking."

You look at him with sleepy eyes. His touch makes you realize how long you haven't slept. Maybe three days or more. It happened without any reason. You don't know why you are feeling like this life doesn't matter or why you don't want to move. You feel heartbroken, guilty for not having a single reason to tell him why you are feeling this much heavy.

"Baby. You'll become sick. I would let you stay here but you look so pale. I am worried," he says pulling you close to his chest, "You know how much I love you, right?"

You wanted to walk up a while ago. But it was just night. The ending of another day you could have spent productively that you wasted. You feel so disgusted by your own self but the man in front of you gazing at you like you are some diamond.

"I don't know what to do," that's when you speak up because you don't want to disappoint him. He has so much patience and hope for you. You understand now that if you speak up maybe he will understand but it's just too hard.

"Will you let me do something for you?" He asks kissing your forehead gently.

You don't say anything as a positive answer and he gets up, "Stay in your little paradise for some moment. I am coming back."

He says and rushes outside. After some while, you hear his car's sound. You don't understand and you forget that you should care after sometimes. You curl around hugging your blanket drowning in your dark side again.

You don't know how long it passes away before Hongjong comes, "I am going to pick you up. Okay?"

He warns you so you can say no if you want to. But you don't say anything or do anything as he cradles you up in his arms and walks outside the room. You notice the lights are all off, there is just the chandelier lighting in the living room.

As he enters in the bathroom of the room you two share, you see there are scented candles on the sink area. He doesn't stop here, he places you inside the tub filled with purple flower petals, you don't understand what flower are these. But the sudden warm water washes thrill over your whole body. You start feeling a little better from the warm water.

He helps you take off the clothes and runs outside again. You start hearing him playing Cruel Summer by Taylor Swift in the background before he enters in the bathroom again with a fruit salad bowl.

He sits outside the tub feeding you the salad, "I thought you may faint so I had to give you some food and suger."

You smile as you keep having the fruits one by one. Some little effort is all you wanted to give to feel better again but it was too hard.

"Join me," you tell him making his eyes go big.

He places the bowl on the sink and makes you stand up, "I have a better idea," and pushes the shower button. Cold water starts washing over both of you and you start giggling seeing him shiver.

It's so adorable yet fascinating how he is looking and acting right now. He holds your one hand and wraps your waist with another, "Let's dance in the rain."

"It's literally summer," you tell him as he spins you while the water of the tub splashes around dripping on the floor.

"Who cares?" He says pulling you towards him and again moving you with him. The dance, the movements, they are so messy yet perfect for your body to feel alive. It's like every cell of your body is waking up one by one.

"Kiss me," he says cupping your face in his hands and your lips find his in no time.

You wish you would have talked about your feelings to him earlier, you wish you wouldn't waste your time, you wish you would kiss him back and say love you back. But it's alright, you tell yourself. It's alright because I can do it now.

"Hongjong," you say as you wrap yourself in the towel and he looks at you.

"I love you," you tell him and his smile gets bigger than ever.

"I love you," he says and pecks you on the lips.

No, you haven't stopped feeling the heaviness yet but you have stopped blaming yourself making it look like a crime for feeling depressed without any reason. Every feeling is precious after all.

For the people who thinks your feelings aren't valid. They are.

[maknaeswrld]

a life forgotten | l.mh, h.js

memories are both a treasure and a curse, and the bliss of them barely outweighs the pain that comes with bearing them

wc: 2.1k

genre: soulmate au; reincarnation au; fluff; angst; poly!minsung x reader

cw: marriage; cheating/allusions of cheating; mentions of pregnancy/parenthood; mentions of food/eating; I’m sure there’s other things, please let me know what you catch🫶 no happy ending for you; memories of past lives in italics

a/n: IN HONOR OF MINSUNG OUTTING THEMSELVES???????? respectfully I have no other explanation, enjoy!!!

Soulmates were an unpredictable thing. Everyone has them, but not everyone meets theirs.

Some actively avoid trying to find them, some do everything in their power to seek them out. You had always been in the boat of knowing it’ll happen when it happens, and if not in this life, then in the next. You had always been at peace with the knowledge that your soulmate was the one person you’re meant to find in every lifetime, so you didn’t see a point in searching for or avoiding them. 

Everyone grew up hearing the stories, that seeing your soulmate for the first time will feel like instant recognition, like deja vu, and slowly as you spend more time together and see each other more, your memories of your shared past lives slowly unravel. You could understand why some would be scared of that, of the knowledge of who you were in a completely different lifetime, but you liked to think it was natural, otherwise it wouldn’t happen. 

You always assumed you’d find your soulmate in a normal setting, meeting on the street or at one of your places of work, feeling the tingly feeling of familiarity and planning to meet up for a coffee, giving it the natural time to build to see if it was actually the soulmate bond or just mutual attraction. You found solace in inevitably becoming a statistic, in seeing your soulmate for the first time and them seeing you and everything happening the way everyone always told you it would. 

But as your best friend was telling you about her current favorite band, listing off members names and facts faster than you could think, swiping through pictures of them all, you felt your heart sink as your eyes met the digital ones of two frighteningly familiar faces, your mind buzzing with soft recognition.

You felt like you couldn’t breathe as you grabbed your friends phone to swipe back to the picture, your brain alighting with renewed interest at the second look of the boys on the screen.

Water surrounded you in every direction, the sounds of laughter coming from behind you. You felt relaxed and happy, your body swaying with the peaceful rocking of the boat.

You startled only slightly when arms wrapped around your waist, a chin propping on your shoulder and a kiss being pressed gently to your cheek. 

“Where is your beautiful mind right now, my love?” 

“Just lost at sea, I suppose.” You laughed, turning around in his arms, one of your hands coming up to cup his face, the other reaching behind him to the other man. “Just thinking about how happy I am.”

Jisung’s smile lit up his entire face, his eyes twinkling as he leaned in for a quick kiss. 

“Come back to the group, love. The boys are going to start their whining if you ignore them for too long.” Minho groaned, squeezing your hand lovingly.

“Just the boys?” You ask teasingly, raising a brow at your lovers, Jisung grinned sheepishly.

“You know how your boys can get.” He waved nonchalantly.

You excused yourself, apologizing for cutting the lunch date with your friends short, but you needed air. Stumbling down the street, you were thankful the place they picked was only a block from your apartment.

The cool spring breeze calms your nerves and clears your head enough so you could watch where you were walking. You stumbled through your door, kicking off your shoes as you made your way to your couch, sitting heavily, head in your hands as your leg bounced.

A path cleared between two groups of people, a beautiful altar covered in vines and wildflowers at the end of it. Everyone present was looking at you, but you couldn’t take your eyes off them.

Jisung had a lovesick smile on his face, Minho’s eyes were shiny with unshed tears. You felt weightless as you made your way to them, being the center of their attention making you feel like the most incredible person in the whole world.

Chan passed you off to them with a kiss to your cheek and a teasing threat towards your lovers, filling in for the father who disowned you for loving two men. They took one hand each, guiding you to stand in between them, all three of you giddy throughout the entire ceremony. 

The rings Hyunjin made for the three of you were intricately beautiful, you saw them for the first time only as they were placed on each finger. 

It was a fairly small and sweet affair, but you wouldn’t want to have had it any other way, everyone that mattered most to you and both of your husbands were present.

The night ran long as your love was celebrated, and ran even longer once you three finally got a moment for yourselves.

You felt numb, staring blankly at your floor while memories seemed to drown your mind. 

“Do you ever feel like there’s something missing?” You asked quietly into the darkness. The arms around you tightened as Minho sucked in a deep breath, you knew he was frowning.

“What do you mean, darling? We have everything we could possibly need or want right here in this home.”

You didn’t disagree. You were happily married to the love of your life, three beautiful children sleeping peacefully just down the hall. You were safe from the wars raging in distant lands, your husband was far from being called to join, but yet you felt as if there was a space that was yet to be filled.

Sighing, you propped your chin up on Minho’s chest, squinting to see his face through the darkness.

“I think you know what I mean. I cannot explain it, but you must feel it too.”

You knew you and Minho were soulmates, you had no doubt about that, the endless shared memories in different worlds proved it well enough, but it almost felt as though that bond didn’t fully seal, despite everything.

“I think you should be worrying more about getting proper sleep so our child you're growing stays healthy than to worry on about something neither of us can actually explain, my love.”

Your hands slid down to your stomach, rubbing it as if second nature. You tried to ignore the pang in your heart now, knowing that what was missing in that memory was your second soulmate.

You got up from your spot on the couch, realizing it was already dark, and stumbling your way to the kitchen to make yourself some dinner.

“You two are never allowed in this kitchen again. I’m serious. How do you burn water?” 

You and Jisung couldn’t stop giggling as you held each other, the both of you also confused as to how you’d managed that particular situation.

“Does that mean you’ll take care of us and cook for us every single day of the rest of our lives?” Jisung asked teasingly. 

“If I did, it would only be to save our house from burning down.” Minho grumbled.

“Awe! Min loves us, Sungie!” 

You and Jisung’s giggles started back up as you both took a side to sandwich your lover into a hug, heart fluttering when he didn’t reject it and instead wrapped his arms around you both to drag the two of you in tighter, nuzzling his face in the nook between you.

“Yes. I absolutely do.” Minho muttered into Jisungs shoulder.

You didn’t think soulmate bonds worked this fast. You were always under the impression that it took time for the memories to surface. You felt dizzy by the non-stop assault, heart swelling with love and breaking with loneliness at the same exact time.

The early morning light cast a gentle glow across the kitchen, the birds were chirping peacefully, and the welcome scent of fresh coffee was filling your house. But your morning was far from peaceful.

You had barely moved from your spot on the couch all night, refusing to lay in a bed that was half empty and unable to sleep while your husband was God knows where. 

Jisung had stormed out last night, leaving you sobbing and took nothing but his keys. You weren’t even certain he’d come back at all unless it was to get his things, and it was honestly your fault.

You had always despised cheaters, they were amongst the worst kind of people in your mind, but when you’d met Minho, he drew you in the exact same way Jisung had. You couldn’t fathom how it was possible, you and Jisung were soulmates, you had loved your husband more than anything in the world, but you somehow also shared all of that with Minho.

You never should have hid it, Jisung was a kind and understanding man, he would have been willing to at least hear you out before leaving you, but instead he found some of Minho’s belongings in your shared home. You tried to explain it to him, but he wasn’t in the mind to listen, just repeatedly asking for your secret lovers name and leaving the second you’d finally uttered it, ignoring your pleading for him to stay.

The wedding band on your left hand felt heavy as you twisted it subconsciously, as if trying to remind yourself that Jisung was still your soulmate and still legally bound to you, you hadn't lost him. At least not yet.

You leaned against the counter, trying desperately to keep yourself from breaking down again as you stared at the extra mug you had subconsciously poured for your husband.

“Can you poor another one of those, Y/n?” You whipped around at the sudden voice, fear and love filling you at the same time at the sight of both Jisung and Minho standing in the doorway, holding hands. “I think it’s gonna be a long morning.”

Grabbing your laptop, you settle into your bed, looking up your best friends favorite band and throwing yourself into compilations of your soulmates. The proof of them being soulmates was glaringly obvious, the subtle glances and touches, the soft looks, all the little things that scream they're in love, you truly couldn’t comprehend how people could look at it and assume it’s all perfectly platonic.

The more you watched, the more you fell into a pit of confusion. You didn’t miss the endless amounts of fans claiming to be any of the members soulmates, claiming they remember things, that if they could just be given a chance to meet up, the members would see. It was glaringly obvious that if you’d tried to reach out, you’d just be marked off as another fan seeking a way in to the bands inner circle. 

Memories continued to interfere with your research on your soulmates throughout the night, in between ‘Minsung’ edits and compilations of the whole band. You could see why your friend liked them so much. They were the type of band with a bond so tight it was obvious their loyalties lied with one another first and foremost. From what you knew of the K-pop industry, that wasn’t standard. 

The more you watched, the more you started to recognize all of them from your memories, not just your soulmates. Tears pricked your eyes at the thought, the fact that this group of souls seemed drawn to each other in every lifetime, and you were supposed to be one of them.

A quick search proved that they’ve talked about it before. Not much, mostly only in small subtle jokes, like one of them saying they all clicked so well from the beginning cause it just felt like they already knew each other. It was never actually said outright, but the evidence that they all knew they were a friendship that transcends lifetimes was obvious to anyone seeking it. 

You could feel your soul longing for its other parts, and you began to wonder if there were more of you out there. Soulmates of your other apparent friends who know exactly who their souls belong to, and know that in this lifetime they are essentially unattainable. Your heart aches at the thought that if that were the case, there are more people out there that are likely extremely important to you that you won’t get to meet in this lifetime.

That realization hits hard. The reality was you wouldn’t meet the loves of your life, you wouldn’t meet the friends you have endless memories with, and you’ll never remember the rest of those friends or get to learn their faces and the memories you hold with them in this lifetime. 

Because soulmates are an unpredictable thing. Everyone has them, but you wouldn’t get to meet yours.

a/n: I’m sorry?😅 I’m really not🤧

Part 2: a life remembered

[adorabluesposts]

Hi!

I saw your post for requests and I was wondering if you would do a fic for Jason Todd? I saw you reposted something for him but if not it’s totally okay!

If yes, could you do a fic where he brings his girlfriend to the manor and everybody questions why she is with him? They are like polar opposites with her being shy and kind compared to his blunt attitude?

This might be a stretch but perhaps Damian’s long lost sister? (I’m a sucker for platonic Damian)

But again if you just reposted that and don’t write for them you can ignore this!

-W.P💚

YES YES OMG WP I LOVE YOU WHATT THANKS FOR REQUESTIONG FOR JASON<333 he's my babygirl 💗. Sorry this took so long I'm a menace to society. Maybe I went a bit too crazy with this.

TW: MENTIONS OF suicide, murder, violence, abuse

It's hard to recall how it happened. It took what felt like years for you to get this close to Jason, but you were proud of your achievement.

Ever since you were a child, your parents taught you what kindness meant. Well, your mother did. Even if it was rough at home, and your father made living a hell, your mother managed to teach you how to treat any scar with kindness and not fight back with violence. And, after he killed her, you almost lost hope. But you just swore to continue finding kindness in anything. For her.

Its just that now you were more closed off.

And your feet were now glued to the ground. You saw the reality of Gotham when your dad killed himself after brutally murdering your mother. Leaving you all alone.

Enter Jason Todd, on a lonely night when you were just walking through the sad streets of Gotham. You had stumbled upon a mugging—a terrified woman cornered by two thugs. You couldn’t just stand idly by.

Your mother's kindness had been your legacy, and you would honor it. But before you could intervene, the Red Hood appeared. He moved with lethal precision, dismantling the criminals without hesitation. You watched, torn between awe and fear. When he turned to leave, you found your voice.

"You're bleeding." You commented, looking at his crimson red suit, which happened to be more red than usual. The guys he just fought didn't hurt him.. it must've been someone else.

"I am fine." Red Hood replied, clutching his side.

Somehow, he ended up on your couch. You weren't that much of a fan of it, considering that your landlord would kick you oit if his property smelled like a crime scene. And you were more than scared to have someone like Jason in your room. But you couldn't just... let him bleed out!

"The way you're patching me up isn't very comforting." He broke the silence. You smiled, but let out a small scoff.

“Comforting?” you laughed. “I’m not here to comfort you. I’m here to prevent my landlord from evicting me because my apartment smells like a crime scene.”

“You’re weird.” Jason tried to sit up, but you push him back down.

“Coming from a guy who wears a red helmet and shoots people,” You retorted. “That’s rich.”

Now you were in front of the Wayne Manor, holding Jason's hand like your life depended on it. Your heart was beating oit of your chest. Jason tried to rub your hand for comfort, but you were still nervous.

Bruce was the one that invited Jason to a monthly dinner. He tried to be closer to Jason, and he would've declined evey time of it wasn't for you begging him to give him a chance.

And this time, you decided to tag along. None of them knew. Except for Alfred, who Jason made sure to alert a few days before the dinner. You were contemplating your decisions, though.

As you both entered the Manor, and politely smiled at Alfred, you felt like your knees would just give out. And Jason now had a frown on his face, as if he hated the place.

You heard commotion from the dining room, with a few people sitting at the table already. We're you late?

"They usually wait a bit for us. But the food isn't ready." Jason whispered into your ear, easing your worries, before he cleated his throat. All heads snapped at him.

A few wanted to greet him, but their voices just got stuck as they saw you. "Hi, Jason." One of them still managed to say.

You recognised Bruce as he got up with a nod and walked over. "Who might you be?"

"She's my girlfriend." Jason placed his arm around your shoulder with a small, but proud, smile.

A few of the boys laughed. One of the girls just gasped with a smile.

"-Jason has a girlfriend?"

"-is it April fools yet?"

"-She's so pretty!"

You pushed a strand of hair behind your ear, smiling slightly. "Nice meeting you."

"She sounds so sweet," someone whispered.

Jason grabbed you from Bruce's glare, guiding you to the table as he introduced you to the kids. They all looked at you, watching you closely.

That night, with every word you'd speak, the family would look more concerned, shocked or amused.

Damian finally cleared his throat. "Sorry to say, Jason. But your little girlfriend here will get herself killed."

You raised an eyebrow at that.

"Does she even know?" Tim asked. You assumed he was talking about the whole family's secret lives.

"She does." Jason grumbled. "And she'll be fine."

"Damian's right- she's too.. not you." Dick spoke.

"I think she's perfect!" Stephanie comments, where Cass just shakes her head with a smile, agreeing.

"I-" Jason held your hand underneath the table.

"I think she'll be fine." Bruce spoke up, giving you a nod. "Jason could use someone like her."

"We all could." Tim mumbled

“Smooth talker, that Bruce,” Jason whispered to you.

You rolled your eyes with a soft smile. “Says the guy who once told me he’d sweep me off my feet with a crowbar.”

Jason laughed. “Hey, it worked, didn’t it?”

They didn't take long to warm up after that. They were all still so confused on how you made your way there, but they liked you.

The Manor became like a second home after that, considering how often you'd visit. You would help around, goof or just lay there late at night when some were on patrol.

Damian, on the other hand, took the longest to adjust. Jason didn't try to get you two to warm up, because he didn't really want to. He knew how Damian was.

But you made your way to his heart, too.

Well, he secretly started calling you “Sister” when no one was listening. And it made your heart melt. He always acted nice towards you when his siblings were out of earshot.

Jason knew, though. But he swore not to tease Damiam, just for the sake of him not getting mad at you. ❤️

SJJSJSJSJSJ MY BABYYYYY 💗😭

[ghostieyanyan]

Yandere! Kalim x reader, but yandere but they're bad at their jobs au. Like one minute Kalim act all sadistic and dark then the next thing when reader asked if he wants some pets he went to his usual happy sunshine puppy that demands pets

yes~~ presious baby boi just wants love but he so spoil x3

what i also like to think about with yandere kalim is that he knows right and wrong but its so water down for him that "he just cant help it ^^

For fun, im making this into a modern mafia au ^^

~Just trying to help~

Yan!Boss!Kalim x Worker!mc

Warnings: power dymanmic, mafia mention, violence mention, nsfw hints, death?, manipulation

~~~~~

The Asim, they are known for their wealth and their trades. They're a super big powerful family with a lot of people (both loyal and not loyal) under them. They kind of give "untouchable kings" vibes. Theyre still really nice to their "people", you just don't see them a lot, or at all really. The only way to really "talk to them" is by talking to someone in their circle but there are layers into that circle. some people thinks that their family is shady, like the rich people act is a persona to hide something but no one really has proof.

But you really don't have to worry about that. You have your own stuff to worry about, like living expenses. You were basically living on the streets, barely living. You did side jobs to get by. maybe you'll clean or maybe you'll babysit. when you were a kid, you always wanted to help people. But with your home life, money, you couldn't really get to your dreams even if you tried. you stopped school pretty early and its a little too late for you to get back into it. plus what school will accept you. you lived in a community where rich gets richer and medium class becomes poor... I guess that's where you are, what your luck...

you were heading to your next "job" place. you had to clean for a really sweet old couple, the Wrights. They couldn't afford much either but they try to help you whenever they can. Example, you clean places that they cant reach, in exchange they give you dinner, as much as they can. you always wish them good health. they are too sweet for this unfair world.

you were lost in your head, enjoying the memories and conversation you had with them. But when you to their place, you see 3 grown men towering over Mr. Wright.

"please understand.. we aren't here for trouble but your son does owe us some money. were just here to collect."

"please.. we havent seen our son in months. hes not here."

"come on, blue carb! i wanna go home! if you dont tell us-"

"Floyd, we aren't here for threats."

"hmm..? oh my... what do we have here?"

the light hair man turn to you with a very scary smile. You didnt have time to take even a step when one of the men grabs you by the arm. he had teal hair with a black stirp. he had awful smile that showed off his sharp teeth.. the smile looked every threatening..

"were just here to talk about business, why dont you scram shrimpy."

you started to tremble and turned to Mr. Wright. he gave you a weak smile and moved his hand like to shoo you away.

"go on dear. it'll be okay."

you gulped in terror but you dug your heels into the ground. if you didn't, who knew what these shady guys would do to this kind old couple.

"h-he.. said he hasn't seen his son! n-ow get out of here before i call the police!!"

"..."

".."

"..."

everyone got quiet.. no one moved.. the men seem stun by your outburst. the man, that was holding you, didn't seem to like your outburst and gripped your arm, harder. it hurts..!

"tck.. im getting really annoyed, shrimpy... Should break your arm to show you-"

"actually Floyd, i have a better idea."

the light hair man walks up to you and hands you a card.

"i am Azul Ashengrotto. i run a cafe called the Mostro Lounge and Mr. Wright's son has owe us a pretty penny~"

The way he spoke gave you chills. You hated it. it was too sweet when you knew that the words he spoke are laced with poison.

"What if-..."

You had to take a long deep breath, you're risking a lot for even thinking this... but you had to. you were the only able person to protected these people who gave you more than you've asked.

"what if... i worked for you..? i'll work for you, pay off the owe money and you'll have to leave Mr. and Mrs. Wright alone! Deal..?"

the light hair man pauses.. then smiled. he put his hand out for a handshake.

"Its a Deal."

when you took his hand, that was it. you had to say goodbye to your home away from home. you gave mr.wright a smile and left with the strange men...

~~~

the next few weeks you learned what they did, kind of, and what they needed of you. they didn't tell you 100% of everything but you were supposed to be their servant, or an errand boy, or something like that?

the job wasn't bad at all. you cleaned, get anything they need, run things for them. sometimes they call you for... personal reasons. In exchange you get 3 meals a day and a comfortable room. which honestly, you weren't complaining. before, you would have one meal a day and even sleep on either a hard floor or a gross mattress. At this rate, after you finish paying off the Wright's debt, you might just stay here.

sometimes the job brings pretty scary people that show up out of nowhere. they often had big weapons to their side, some would have the weapons ready and loaded. Jade, Floyd, or Azul often gets you out of the way and most times tell you to cover your ears and close your eyes. sometimes they have you clean up their messes after these scary men... "leave." you knew better but you cant really say or do anything about it so.. you just don't question it.

after a month, you thought you get used to your new home life now but- you accidentally ran into someone or someone ran into you.

"oh my-! are you okay? im so sorry!! i-"

"no no! its okay. i should have been more careful."

the mysterious man helped you up. he had bright red eyes and white white that complement his dark skin every nicely. he had a black dress shirt and a red suit with gold accents, red dress pants to match. when he helped you up, you notice he's hands are really soft. big contrast to your hands.

"I'm sorry again."

he was about to run away but stopped and sheepishly turn and smile at you. it kind of reminded you of a happy teenage.

"actually... do you know where the Mostro lounge is? i... i think im lost. hehe." he scratched the back of his head. the embrassement on his face was slowly growing on you because he kept smiling.

it was kinda weird to see someone around here with such a bright smile..? like an genuine smile or maybe hes just a good actor or something..? you cant say.

"oh.. its a left then a right." you poked.

"kk! thank you~"

he turned and ran away again. you were about to leave but he stopped you again.

"can you actually walk with me there..? i asked directions before and got lost.. hehe~ pretty please?"

with his charming smile, you couldnt help but smile back.

"okay, follow me."

during your walk there, he asked a few question. they were harmless questions, enough. favorite colors? favorite food? favorite animals? where have you been? favorite places to go? etc.

when you got there a tall man with dark skin and long beautiful black hair rushed to your side, well more like to the other man.

He had the same outfit as the white hair man but they both wore it differently. which wasnt a bad thing. it compliment their personalities. Like jade, floyd, and azul do with their suits too.

"Kalim! where have you been?! we just left the elavoter and you were gone from my sights?! why did you-?"

"oh ya! i saw this pretty ocean theme pillows and i wanted to get some but you had my wallet hehe~ so... can i get them? they be perfect for-!"

"no. ugh..."

you felt really uncomfortable... it was like a mother scolding her kid... the black hair man looked at you. you shifted your feet uncomfortably.

"who are you? i dont remember you from our last visit?"

you raise your hands up and backed up slightly. people here are either very suspicious, they often come to see azul for his deals, or naive soul, that came for the ocean-like atmosphere.

"im just a-"

two arms snaked around you. you started to freak out. this is how you die--!!!

"shrimpy!! where's my drink~~? ive asked it for about... like 10 minutes ago~~~"

Oh! its just Floyd. he practicely moaned in your ear. it was a lot to get used to Floyd's mood swings. but you learn to avoid him when hes upset or just do want he says and not say too much. if he tries to tease you, he often gets bored and wonders to do who knows what.

"oh! hi sea snake! hi sea otter!"

"Floyd.. for the last time, stop calling us-

"hi Floyd!! haha!"

the white hair man jumped up and join the hug! you were getting crushed between these two... you were patting their backs in a way to say "okay thank you but-- that enough..!!! im dying! let me go!"

"jamil! Kalim! its great that you made it! a bit late but- i cant say im suprised."

"tsk.. hello jade... azul..."

the dark hair man, pulled the white hair man off you. it helped but Floyd is still squeezing you like he was trying to kill you, not literally... hopefully.

"ah.. its seems that you met our new hire. Jamil, Kalim, this is (mc)."

you, trying your best with the situation youre in with floyd right now, bowed your head as jade introduced you.

"hehe. we found shrimpy when we were at the Wright's place."

"did you get the money..?"

"no~ they were being stubborn but (mc) offer to pay off the money that was owed so i cant complain too much."

azul spoke and rubbed your head like a kid. you didnt like how they were talking about you like you werent there. or rather, talking about the Wrights like they were bad.. but you held your tongue. you didnt want to get them mad... especially when floyd is still holding you.

"ohh.. poor (mc). dont worry, well protect you from those mean people. im kalim, Kalim al-asim!"

"Kalim!"

"and thats jamil, Jamil Viper."

"Kalim! dont give our names to strangers! you dont even know them-"

"Well then~ we'll just have to just spend time with them!"

Kalim.. Kalim al-asim.... an Al-Asim.. Al-Asim! This smiling ray of sunlight is an Asim??

apparently your face paled because Kalim reached for your face and held your face into his hands. he gave you a giggle and smiled as he massage your cheeks in his hands.

"hehe youre so cute. after our meeting with Azul, i want to hangout with you on your break. when is it? hmm?"

you turned to Azul, he nodded his head in approval.

"i-its.. its in 2 hours from now.. sir.."

"hehe.. no need to talk so formal. just call me Kalim. And okay, on your break, meet me by the front door of the Mostro lounge, kk?

"y-yes.. kalim.."

he gave you a smile and all the 5 men started to head to Azul VIP room..

what did you get yourself into....

~~~

You've been spending a lot of your time with kalim as of late. To the point where you felt guilty for leaving work.. but you'd feel more guilty for saying no to kalim. You tried once. It was one too many.

You initially wanted to keep some distance. But with kalim's smile and charisma, you couldn't say no. Kalim always found a way to have lots of fun and he will always include you too.

Every time you came back to the Mostro lounge, floyd gives you a stink eye and a "why wasn't i invited~?" whine. Jade gives you his creepy smile and does a weird thing by leaning in and asking "did anything exciting happened~?", whatever that means. Azul doesn't seem upset at all. It made you anxious. Is he marking down your pay when you're out with kalim..? You checked your accounts and you were still getting payed for your work but.. you didn't do any work..?

You decide to talk to azul about it. You didn't want something like this be in the air, with someone as slimy as azul.. and with money no least!!

You knocked.

"Um.. azul..? Are you busy?"

You peeked through the door of Azul's office, and they vip room.

"... no. What do you need..?

he was working on some papers and he looked.. unpleased.

"I.. ill ask later."

You tried to take your leave befor-

"You wanted to ask about your pay..?"

You slowly turn to him. His face hasn't changed from that unpleased expression.

"Y-yes sir.."

Azul sighed, lend back into his chair, took off his glasses and rubbed his face as he let's out another sigh.

"Kalim is... renting you."

What..?

"And he also requested for you to still get payed because, his words.. 'they're still working.'"

He started to stare at you. You didn't think he meant it to look intimidating, because he can't see you, he doesnt have his glasses on. But it still was very unpleasant.

You were at lost of words. Kalim al-asim... is renting you..? You weren't mad but you weren't happy too. Spending time with kalim is really fun and his personality is really refreshing. But being told you were 'rented out' feels.. dehumanizing. But with your life, you can really feel anything else..

"Is that all..?"

"Yes sir.."

"Good, you may leave."

You bowed your head and left, making sure to close the door softly behind you.

What do you do now..?

~~~

Now after every visit from kalim, the moment becomes a little sour. He's paying azul to spent time with you, but why? He's an al-asim. He could get anything he wants right? Why would he spend time with a common rat like you..?

What are you to him?

"(Mc)? You okay?"

You looked up and kalim was really close to you! You jolted and lean back

"I-im okay! Its just.. work. Heh.. work just be exhausting and im just.. I'm okay!"

You smiles, you didn't notice that kalim stopped smiling.. he was still looking at you but just not smiles. it would have scared you to your core if it wasnt for you trying to change the topic by looking at the scenery. A minute past and his smile came back, brighter.

"Why don't you come with me then?"

"huh..?"

"You could live in the al-asim estate and you don't have to lift the finger! Serverts will come to your every beckon call and you get to live.. like an Asim."

As you were staring at him, lost of words, he gently took your hand. You didnt even noticed it until he pulled your hands to his lips and kissed it.

"K-kalim! I-"

Before you could finish your sentence, he stood in front of you and got on one knee.

You felt sick

"(Mc)... "

You felt dizzy

"Will you-"

This has to be a dream!!!

"Be mine?"

He sweet innocent smile made you feel sick. How can can someone so dangerous be so naive?!? You bearly knew him! He bears knew you!!

"I.. i-i have to go!!"

You ran off, back to Mostro Lounge, back to your room, leaving a sad otter left on one knee..

~~~

You were in your room for 3 days..

You weren't payed for those days but you didnt care..

You felt sick and a little guilty. Kalim looked so sad when you left him. Maybe when you see him again... you could apologize and explain yourself..? By the seven! Would he still be mad at you? Will he order for you to be erased??

You felt nausea.

You needed to get some water.

Luckily it was night time, you wouldn't likely run into floyd, jade, or azul.. maybe?

You walked through the dark halls, only using your memories and the walls to guide you.

You were lost in thought and didn't realize a figure coming up behind you. By the time you did noticed, the figure quickly over powered you and you were imbraced into darkness.

~~~~

[Before the proposal]

"Azul!!? how much does the Wrights owe!?"

Kalim bursted into Azul's office, with a tired Jamil following behind.

"ah! K-Kalim! you know you have to make an ap-"

"i know i know! this is important though!!"

Kalim rushes up to Azul's desk, slamming his hands down on to the desk and leaned over to Azul. he was like a jumping dog..

"i want to ask (mc) to marry me!!"

everyone froze and even jade and Floyd, they were walking by, looked at Kalim like he was crazy.

"Kalim! I know your father has told you about being an Al-Asim and your responsibility to your family and making an hair but not like this!!"

"come on, Jamil~ they're perfect~ they're sweet and kind. they're responsible and hard working, like father wanted. they're just... perfect!"

Kalim goes through his phone and looks at pictures of you he took when you hanging out with him and even ones he requested from Jade and Floyd, secret cameras. They vary between you working and you when you think youre alone...

Azul rubs his face and gives a long sigh.

"look kalim. Even if your display of affection is definitely... something... (mc) is still working the Wrights' debt off. if they're not here then-"

"oh! that's another amazing thing about them! they were willing to help the Wrights without even knowing what they were getting themselves into. with the amount of debt the Wrights have, (mc) would be working until they're in their 70s. Thats why i need to protect them, do they even know about the Wrights 'situation'?"

Floyd lays on the couch in the VIP room, with candy in his mouth.

"nope! Jade thought it would help (mc) stay motivated to work. you saw how upset they got whenever we talk about the Wrights. they're so cute but so obedient that they don't even asked what they did to get in their situation, HAHA! silly shrimpy~!"

Floyd laughs and Jade chimes in.

"To be fair, we did get them out of a 'dangerous situation'. what the Wrights were doing to them was shameful.. Saying their debt was all because of their son, who has been dead for 10 years, and saying they dont have money but is found actively going to clubs spending more. the fact that they're living in the poorest town, and looking like weak old people. they're fooling everyone with the act. Everyone, including (mc)~"

Jamil turned and glared at Azul.

"wait-.. you didn't even tell them..? and you kept them working here?"

"think whatever Jamil, someone has to pay the debt off."

"i can pay it!"

Kalim looks at Azul, he was giving a determined look. Azul sighs again, why is everyone in his office. He has too much work to do.

"i know you can but you know-"

"in exchange, give me (mc)."

Jamil was about to stop Kalim but-

"(mc), yes, they work here under false pretenses but they have became a big asset to us. if you were to take them, it will take a long time to replace them."

Kalim walks closer to azul. with his serious expression, to say left everyone on edge was an understatement.

"i will pay 3x the Wrights' debt... as long as i get (mc)."

Azul looks at Kalim and a sick smile appears. He held out his hand.

"Its a Deal."

~~~~

This took so long! but i did it! i hope you guys enjoy it. if you guys like me to draw something for this, just ask, until then, back into my wips qwq

[joylovesfluff]

Trouble

Dabi x reader. Angst.

A/n: ngl i didn't have an actual plot for this when i started writing it, but fuck im inlove now with dabi and him just being a little obsessed with you.

NOT PROOF READ !!

Lovesick! Part 2 (in progress)

Troublemaker touya! Who would throw rocks on your window (taylor swift style) just to suprise you on your birthday even if it ended 2 hours ago.

Troublemaker touya! Who would give the world to you just to make you happy, but for now he had to settle for flowers he just picked fresh from his neighbour's backyard, he gives them to you with a small smile hoping that they'll be good enough for your special day, and he prays to whatever god is up there that you aren't allergic to any kind of flowers cause this sure as hell wont be the last time he'll get scolded for plucking out flowers at 3 am.

Troublemaker touya! Who goes to you before finally disappearing for years, he tells you all about his plan in a form of a joke, he'd definitely be like "and yknow what? Maybe one day id finally kill him, that would be a nice birthday present right?" and you'll cluelessly reply something along the lines of "one life sized endeavour packed in a coffin bow coming right up!" You laugh at the silly imagination you made, not even thinking of the odds of it happening.

Troublemaker touya! Who lowkey stalks you all the time to see how youve been doing in life, he wont admit it but he would do anything to make you happy even if it includes killing all your academic rivals for you, as long as he can see you with your awards and certificates on your social media with the caption 'i made it!' as your graduation post.

Troublemaker touya! Who wouldve loved to graduate with you and to finally confess his feelings for you so you both can live in a beautiful apartment like you have always dreamt of, but now all of it is impossible now that he has his eyes set on his new career.

But as he was watching you walk home in the dark alley ways, definitely not stalking you. He caught onto a sight that shattered his heart and soul into millions on pieces.

"oh hi i thought you weren't ganna come haha"

"ofcouce i would, who in their right mind would let their girlfriend walk home in the night?"

Girlfriend? When? How? He was sure that you weren't seeing anybody, but now you have a boyfriend? How could this happen???

He stopped on his tracks, and started panicking but why would he? Its not like youre his girlfriend or anything, he didn't even got to tell you how he feels which felt much worse than the sight he's seeing.

As he continues to look at your back wishing that this would just be one horrible dream. You and the guy your boyfriend stop walking, dabi panics again worried that you might see him but as he was about to hide at a near by alleyway he looks at you as you bend down to pick something up from the ground.

"What happened?" He asks as he hold your hands so gently like you would break any second.

"oh its nothing i just dropped my phone" you replied after you picked up your phone from the ground.

"you good to go?" He frantically ask looking around the dark streets as he hold onto your hands tighter, 'hes a fucking pussy' dabi thought.

"Yeah, i just thought i saw something" you say as you look behind his shoulder to the dark alley way that looms the corner.

He whisperes something to you as you both start to walk, if dabi remembers correctly your apartment would be somewhere near here, he remembers as the time where he was the one to walk you home after long class hours especially that time where the school was preparing for the sports event.

Lovesick dabi! Who would get excited at the thought of meeting you again, showing his new self, his true self to you. But then he'll remember that maybe you'll hate him for what he has done, for leaving you, for hurting other people. So maybe one day you'll meet him again, maybe one day you'll be able to understand and you both would be able to exchange stories of what youve been through without each other.

He just hopes that youd be able to wait for that day, to wait for him

Lovesick dabi! (Coming soon)..

[ahgasegotarmy116]

Vante | Kim Taehyung

Summary: You favorite faceless artist Vante has an exhibit tonight and one of his close friends takes a special interest in you. Pairing: Artist Taehyung x Art Collector reader Word count: 2.3k a/n: This was supposed to be out for Tae's birthday and I failed miserably. But it's gonna be a two parter to make up for it so keep an eye out for that! (I also have a Jin fic but again I've failed miserably on getting it out on time) I wanted to post the first part to see how it's received and I'll decide when I'll put out a part two later. p.s barely edited because I just wanted to put it out asap lol

"You know that one artist you like is having a gallery show right?" my friend asks me. "Who? Vante?" I asks, my interest now peaked. "Who else would it be? You don't really mention any other artist to me by name. You just say 'Look at this new piece I bought' or whatever, but when it come's to him it's always 'I just found a new piece by Vante and I need to get my hands on it!' or something to that extent" she finishes, taking a sip of her mimosa. 

"Didn't you already have enough to drink last night?" I ask, reminding her about how plastered she got at the benefit ball as she downs the rest of her fifth glass this morning. "Yes, but today is a new day love. What did you expect when you invited me out to brunch?" she teases, waving down one of the waiters to bring her another one.

I roll my eyes at her and continue on with my meal. "Anyways, about the gallery show, do you know where it is? I know his events tend to be exclusive so I haven't been able to get an invite before. Is it somewhere in the city?" I ask taking a sip of my drink. "Well what if I told you I already got you an invite?" she says, smiling over the rim of her glass. 

"What do you mean you already got me an invite?" I ask in astonishment. "Are you the one who's drunk or am I? Yes I got you an invite!" she laughs at my growing excitement. "I love you so much girl thank you!" I say coming around the table and hugging her semi aggressively. "Okay okay now get off of me and order another drink for yourself if you really love me. You know I hate drinking alone" she says and waves the waiter over for me before I can protest.

~~~~

"So where's the show being held?" ask while we're waiting for the driver to pull the car around and instead of saying anything she hands me a luxe envelope with a wax seal and my name written across it in the most intricate font. "All the information you'll need is in there" she says and makes her way into the car leaving me mesmerized with it for a moment before she's calling after me to get in. 

"I still don't understand why you're so obsessed with him though, is it the whole faceless thing?" she asks once the car makes it way onto the street. "In part yes, that's definitely got me intrigued but his art alone speaks for itself. There's just so much life in it and-" "Yeah yeah I've heard you fan girl about him enough. I don't even know why I asked" she says resting her head against the window. "The alcohol is catching up to you isn't it?" I say amused by her cheeky response. "Shhh why are you talking so loud?" she whines making me chuckle and lean back in my seat, enjoying the now peaceful drive back to my home.

~~~~~

Closing my front door behind me I walk over to my living room mindlessly and sit down on the couch all while inspecting the envelop before reaching for my letter opener as to not break the seal. Once opened I'm met with a soft beige letter again with my name written in the same font. I open it and read all of the information about it and I panic for a moment seeing that the show is tonight. "Of course she would wait until last minute to give me this" I say out loud to myself with a smile on my face, taking a deep breath and making my way over to my closet. 

Once I've found an outfit that fits the theme of pale neutral colors I start getting ready to head out. Taking one last look at myself in the mirror I give myself a bit of a pep talk before leaving. "You've been to hundreds of shows like these before. There's no need to be nervous" I say, taking a deep breath and walking out before changing my mind. 

~~~~

The atmosphere is calm and quite compared to the loud colors and designs splattered on some of his paintings. The abstract faces and bodies of the people he paints a stark contrast to the people who are wandering around the gallery also donning the color pallet specified on the invite. I guess this is another way to ensure that the paintings themselves are the ones that are grabbing peoples attention rather than the attire of the various attendees.

Taking a deep breath I wander around acting as casually as I can, trying to maintain my composure and keep my excitement at bay. Seeing all of his paintings up close is a new experience that I wasn't expecting. Seeing his art online verses being surrounded by it in person feels almost like a full circle moment. He's been an artist that I've been following closely for years now so it just feel right being here. 

"Has this one caught your eye?" I hear a mans voice say from behind me, leaving me placing my hand over my heart in surprise. "My apologies, I didn't mean to frighten you" the deep baritone voice says now accompanied with owner by my side. "Oh no that's alright, I guess I just lost myself for a moment there" I say and take a glance at the man next to me. 

He looks as though he's my age or a few years older with strong masculine features but still having a few soft ones to make him even most interesting to look at leaving me at a loss for words. Not so much as being nervous but more as seeing him as being somewhat of a living piece of art that somehow found it's way over to my little part of the world. 

"You still haven't answered my question" he says playfully, turning to face me now. "I'm sorry?" I reply, embarrassed from being caught staring at him for too long. "The painting?" he questions nodding towards the piece in front of us. "Oh! Yes it's gorgeous! It's one that I haven't seen before and it just kind of pulled me in as soon as I laid eye on it" I say turning my attention back towards it.

"I love how he's steered clear of using a traditional canvas and has used glass instead. His usual pieces are usually full of color and chaos but I love how this one is almost stripped down but still has so much life and movement in it. It's almost as if you can see him painting it on the other side" I say tilting my head a bit and taking in the details a bit more. 

"You see these little bumps right here and how they're almost a bit more textured than the rest, there are a few of those spots throughout it as well" he says leaning in a bit closer to point out a corner of it so I can see it more clearly. "Would you like to know the story behind this painting?" he asks and I eagerly nod, waiting with bated breath.

"So, he had been feeling a bit restless while he had been cleaning up his studio a bit and he had been washing his brushes and so he didn't really have much of anything to paint with and he had finally figured out what he wanted to paint of this sheet of glass in front of us today. So instead of waiting patiently for his proper tools to be back into commission he took a stale baguette from his kitchen, ripped it in half and used that as his brush instead" he chuckles and I can't help but laugh right along with him, taking note of his adorable laugh and boxy smile.

"That certainly sounds like something he might do but if you don't mind me asking, how did you find that out?" I ask, interested as to what this man's relation might be to Vante.

"Oh, I guess I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Taehyung, I work closely with Vante and help out in any way that I can to make these shows run smoothly. I'm also full of fun facts about all of the pieces in here so please don't hesitate to ask me anything" he says while motioning around to the rest of the gallery. 

"Oh, I'm y/n, it's very nice to meet you!" I say and take his outstretched in greeting and he surprises me by kissing the back of my hand. "Likewise" he says with his breath still fanning against my skin. It sends a slight shiver up my spine at that, paired with the dark brown eyes of his that I find myself entranced with.

"Are you an art collector yourself?" he asks, walking with me to see all the rest of the pieces in the various exhibits. "I'm more of a beginner when it comes to collecting art and curating a collection but I do know that I always try to get my hands on any Vante piece I come across. I've been following his career for almost 6 years and I can't help but fall in love everything he creates" I gush while taking a closer look at another piece. 

"You really are a true fan of his" he replies, gazing at me with admiration while my attention is pulled to a sculpture close by. "I mean I guess you could say that" I reply, getting shy at how excited I've been. It's as though I've reverted to having a childlike wonder when brought to a candy store for the first time.

"There's no need to be embarrassed, I like seeing how passionate you are about art. It reminds me of how Vante used to be when he first started out" he says and walks over to another piece with almost a melancholy smile. "Used to be?" I question trailing after him. 

"He's been going through a bit of a slump lately and thought a show like this would bring him some sort of inspiration and motivation to continue and hopefully appreciate how far he's come" he says, glancing over at me. "Do you think it has? Is he here right now?" I ask, taking a glance around the room.

"Yes he's here and trust me, this show has done wonders for his creativity" he says smiling down at me before taking a glance around the room. I try to follow his line of sight to see if they land on anyone in particular but unfortunately he seems to catch me in the act. "You're quite the curious one now aren't you?" he chuckles, turning his attention back to me. 

"Why do you say that?" I ask, feigning innocence. "You're trying to find Vante aren't you?" he says with a knowing smile. "Can you blame me? This mystery behind who he is and even his age are driving me crazy" I laugh and he laughs right along with me. 

"Why don't you take a wild guess as to who he might be" he says and watches me as I take a gander around the gallery. "Mmmm, how about him" I ask, pointing at a man in his late 40s with a stocky build that is clearly wearing a toupee. "Very funny" he laughs and shakes his head. 

"What? I'm taking a shot in the dark here" I say trying to stop myself from laughing again. "Well how about him?" I ask pointing to a younger man that seems to be in his early 20s dressed in a more casual but clean outfit, just barely matching the dress code. "That's a good guess but no that's not him. If you ask me it looks as though he's been dragged here by his mother" he points out a middle aged woman dragging him along so he won't wander off. 

"Good point" I chuckle looking over at him as he continues to scan the gallery right along with me, never staying on one person for more than a few moments. "You probably wouldn't even tell me if I did guess right huh?" I say, seeing a devious smile flash across his face. "Nope" he says and walks over to another piece. 

"Why even suggest the guessing game if you wouldn't tell me the answer?" I ask and start checking out what he's brought us over to. "Because I liked watching you guess" he says glancing over at me and I frown at him playfully. "Hey in exchange for not telling you who Vante is, why don't I show you the pieces that didn't make it into the show?" he suggests and starts walking towards a door thats labeled 'Employees Only'. 

"Really? Are you sure this isn't against the rules or something?" I asks looking around to see if anyone is watching us, which thankfully no one is. "Of course it is. But don't worry, I'm famous for talking myself out of trouble, or into trouble depending on the situation" he says with a wink while holding the door open for me.

I take one last look around and see that again no one is paying us any mind. "After you my lady" he says and motions for me to walk in...

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[mccn-bcys]

The Old Oak

pairing: jake lockley x gn!reader prompt: tree house summary: the old tree house in your backyard was the perfect place to make a friend, but will it be the perfect place to get him back? warning: jake comes with his own warning, but soft jake, light angst, hints at DID, hints at abuse, happy ending because I'm a sucker and jakey deserves it, brief mention of family member death. word count: 2.4 K author's note: this is my first entry for the MK Spring Bingo and I'm actually really happy with how it's turned out. soft jake is precious to me and i feel like everyone should get to experience it. anyways, this fic is actually super sweet so i hope you all enjoy!

You didn't want to be here. This place was full of people you didn't want to see or talk to, people you haven't seen in years, and people you see every year. Some people have nothing interesting going on in their lives so they tell the same stories to you every year.

The only reason you come is to please your mother. Ever since the death of your grandmother, who used to head the family function, your mother has taken over it, and every year she asks you to attend. Somehow it helps her nerves.

So you do your rounds, talking to various family members, updating them on the happenings in your life, hearing their updates on theirs, and talking about anything and nothing at all.

However, there's something about this reunion that's different. Your mother has been a little giddy, nagging you about how you look, asking you from time to time if everyone is here. It's odd, she's normally not so worried about such things. You wonder what could've gotten into her.

And then you see it. Or rather, him.

Jake Lockley.

"Mom, why is he here, he's not family," you whisper to your mother, pulling her aside.

"He's in town. I ran into him at the supermarket yesterday and told him to swing by. It's not like he's a stranger. He used to come to every reunion with you."

"Yeah, when we were kids. Mom, I haven't talked to him since high school," you try reasoning with her, wondering how she wasn't seeing what the issue was.

"I never understood that, anyways. Why did you two drift apart?"

Maybe because you had a raging crush on him in high school that couldn't face him afterwards? Or because he moved off without a warning or telling you where he was going or why?

"Because people drift apart sometimes," you answer quickly, glancing over at him where he seems to catch up with some old family members of yours.

This fucking guy. You can't believe him. The guy disappears for years after graduation and then shows up to your family reunion with no warning, acting like no time has passed.

"Well, maybe he wants to patch things up," she shrugs, laying out some more plates.

"Maybe he felt like he couldn't tell you no," you counter.

"Maybe you should go talk to him and find out."

"I can't just go over to him and-"

You're cut off by the sound of your own name. It's soft but you know the voice that said it. You can picture the way his mouth moves as it falls right off his tongue. Fuck.

You turn around and sure enough, there he is. Jake Lockley. The man that's been giving you heart palpitations since the ninth grade. How did he get prettier?

"Jake. Hi," is all you can manage to say.

"Hi," he smiles. "It's been a while."

"It has." Have you completely forgotten how to talk to him?

"Wanna take a walk with me?" he asks. And before you can stop yourself, you find yourself walking down the sidewalk with him.

It's quiet as the two of you walk down the street, neither of you really knowing what to say or where to start. His hands are stuffed in his pockets as he walks next to you, looking down at the concrete. 

“So you're in town?” you ask quietly, looking over at him, taking the leap and trying to talk first.

“Uh, yeah, I am,” is all he responds with.

“May I ask why?” you prod.

“Yeah. Um… I wanted to see if you were still here,” he answers, his cheeks turning a little red as he kicks a rock.

You weren't expecting that answer. 

“Really?”

“Yeah. I realized I never properly said goodbye and I wanted to apologize. I just… We thought it'd be easier,” Jake admits, making you stop in your tracks. When he notices you're not walking next to him anymore, he stops and turns and looks at you.

“How could it have been easier, Jake? I was worried,” you ask incredulously, looking at him like he'd lost his mind. “You didn't even tell me you were planning on leaving.”

He looks around you. Clearly, this was not something he wanted to cause a scene about—not that you were trying to. 

“Can we talk about this somewhere else?” Jake asks. You know he's not trying to deflect, he's always been open with you. He just doesn't like being open in public. 

“Wanna go to the tree house?” you offer.

“That thing’s still standing?” He looks at you with wide eyes, clearly shocked. You chuckle as you nod.

“C'mon,” you nod your head and head back down the street to your house, where you slip into the backyard and to the old oak tree in the back corner where your father had built a treehouse for you and Jake. Neither of you have been inside it since middle school. Well, you'd been in it a few times since Jake had left, for sentimental reasons, but only a few times. Mostly just to clean the leaves and stuff out of it. 

Now, the two of you stand beneath it, looking up at it.

“After you,” you gesture to the ladder for him to climb up first, before he starts shaking his head quickly.

“No, please, you first, I insist!” He says, making you snicker and shake your head as you start to climb up the ladder. When you look back down, you see him still at the bottom, one foot on the first step, glancing up hesitantly. His eyes widen a little, like he was caught red handed when he meets your eyes. He's so cute when he's embarrassed. 

“You comin’, Jakey?” you ask, your voice teasing as you use the nickname you had used when you were like ten.

“Don't me call that,” he rolls his eyes as he starts to slowly climb up the ladder until he's inside the tree house, sitting opposite of you.

“Why not? Too big and tough for it?” you continue to tease him. 

“No, because I'm not ten years old anymore,” he answers with a raised eyebrow. “I can't believe this thing isn't falling apart by now.”

“Well they tend to stay together when you keep up the maintenance,” you shrug, going to sit in the corner by the window, your favorite spot as a child.

“Who's kept up the maintenance?”

“Me,” you raise a challenging brow at him, almost daring him to keep bugging you about it. “Now…to the topic at hand.”

His natural smile, that he always seems to have when you're around, falters when you change the subject, nodding as he scoots over to his window on the opposite side of the treehouse. The window where he'd keep guard if any “enemies” (aka adults) were coming.

“Right… Look, I should've told you I was leaving. I'm sorry I didn't, I just…” he sighs, trailing off as he looks out the window.

“You just what?”

“You would have asked me to stay…And I would have listened to you,” he admits quietly, watching your family as they mull about inside the house.

“Why is that a bad thing?” You ask him softly. 

“Because I couldn't stay. I had to leave. To keep us safe.”

“Us?” you ask, heart skipping. Was he protecting what could have been between you? But you see him point to his temple as he looks back at you. Ah, us. His alters and himself.

“You know what life was like for us. I had to get us out of there,” he says simply.

“I would've understood, Jake.” 

Jake just stays quiet, dark brown eyes still looking out the window. He knows you would’ve understood. But that’s part of the problem isn’t it? That no matter what he does, even if he has wronged you, you seem to understand, as if you’ve forgiven him. He doesn’t deserve it, does he? Your forgiveness, your kindness. You’ve always been too good of a friend to him. It’s why he tried to stay away, because he knew you’d gladly welcome him back like this. 

“So you came all the way back to apologize?” you ask, realizing he had no intention of responding.

“Yes.”

“Are you going to leave again?”

He went quiet again. You weren’t sure if that meant yes or no. So you wait to see if he responds.

“Do you want me to leave again?” he finally says quietly.

“No. My best friend just came home, I’m in no rush to lose him again. But I understand if you do,” you admit softly.

“How do you always understand?” he asks, turning to you, his brows furrowed, confused. 

“What do you mean?”

“Every time I leave or come to you with some shit excuse for how I’ve been acting, you always understand. When I told you there were other people inside my head, you understood. When I would ask to crash at your place at random times in the night, covered in bruises, you never asked for an explanation, you just understood. When I left town after graduation without ever telling you a single thing, you understood. How do you always understand?” His voice sounds almost pleading, his eyes trying to find an explanation written on your face.

“I don’t know…I just do. Because you’re my best friend. I’ve never needed an explanation from you. I just trusted you. You never did anything without reason. I understand because I know that life isn’t perfect and I certainly can’t be perfect, so how could I expect you to be as well?” you admit, the words coming to you easier than you thought they would. “Because understanding you has always come easy to me. You could say nothing at all and I’d understand what you mean. You’re like…”

“Like what?” Jake asks when you trail off. He catches the sight of your pink cheeks in the sunlight. For a moment, he allows himself to think about how pretty you are. Though, he’s always thought you were pretty. For a moment, his silly little heart hopes you say what he wants you to say, what he wanted to say before he left.

“You’re like… my soulmate,” you say softly. “I know it sounds silly and childish, but it’s true. We’ve gone through so much together and we always have each other, even after being separated for years. You’re my soulmate, Jake, and I-”

“I love you,” he rushes to say before you can even think of the words. You stop speaking, having been caught off guard, for many reasons. 

For one, you never expected him to be the first one to say those three words. You always thought you’d have to be the one to say them. Secondly, you never thought he’d say those words to you. You never could have imagined your best friend feeling the same way as you. And yet, here he was, saying them. Before you and to you. This has to be a dream. 

“Lo siento,” he starts to say, his eyes a little panicked. “I didn’t mean to say it. I just- I thought that’s where you were going so I thought I’d say it. Mira, don’t feel obligated to say it back, I just-”

“I love you, too,” you cut off his anxious rambling. He stares at you a moment like you’ve grown a second head. “I’m not just saying it because you said, either. Jake, I’ve loved you since high school. I wanted to tell you then, but I was scared, and then I went to tell you and you were-”

“Gone. Fuck…” he breathes, looking down as he seems to mull this over. “I think I had to leave to realize it myself. I missed you, almost came home so many times, I kept wondering why I felt like something was missing. Why some days I felt like I couldn’t breathe suddenly whenever I wanted to speak to you or see you. One day, it hit me: I loved you, and missed you.”

You almost can’t believe it. That he was admitting this to you. He was explaining himself, and you knew it wasn’t because he felt like he had to. It was because he wanted to. And you weren’t even sure how to express what you felt other than leaning across the space and taking his face in your hands and kissing him.

And boy, did it feel right. His pink lips, thought you’d often caught yourself staring at, fit perfectly against yours. They were soft, and he tasted like…raspberries? He must’ve snuck some when he got here. But he seemed frozen, his lips weren’t moving against yours. Fuck, did you cross a line? He might not have been ready for that. And just as you start to pull away, his lips chase yours, taking them back between his own, hungry to keep your sweet lips against his. He’d just gotten his first taste of the sweetest thing he’s ever tasted, and he sure as hell wasn’t letting it leave his lips anytime soon. 

The way you two seemed to move together, in sync with each other, was electrifying. Jake cups one of your cheeks in his calloused hand, his other hand slipping behind your back to pull you closer to him, the small space of the tree house practically forcing you into his lap – not that you minded. 

When you two finally part, it’s not because you want to. It’s because you have to. Because you both need air to breathe. So, you sit in his lap, nose nuzzled together as you both catch your breath, looking at each other. 

“Why didn’t we do that sooner?” you breathe with a soft giggle.

“Because then it wouldn’t have been as sweet as that was,” he points out with a smile, leaning in to give your lips a soft peck.

“Well, I suppose you have a point, there,” you smile wide, looking into those eyes that melt into chocolate when the sun beams hit them just right. 

“Course I do,” he grins, kissing you again, losing himself against your lips. And you’re just as bad, falling even deeper in love with him every second you’re in his arms. It feels like a dream come true. 

“I love you,” you whisper against his lips.

“Te amo,” he whispers back. 

And so you sit, basking in each other’s presence, finally in the arms of your best friend again, your soulmate, your lover. And it seems only fitting that the place you finally become lovers is the same place where you decided to become friends:

In the tree house in the old oak tree in your backyard. 

______________________________________________________________

here's my bingo card. I figured it'd look better down here!

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[thetriumphantpanda]

Ghost Of You | J. Miller (Chapter Five)

Series Summary / Grief is a strange thing. In the beginning it had been all-consuming. There wasn’t a moment of the day where you didn’t cry, didn’t ask yourself why it couldn’t have been you instead. And no-one ever explains the guilt you feel when it isn’t anymore. When it’s just a dull ache and you can finally breathe again, when you can start letting people get close to you again. People like Joel Miller.

Pairing / Joel Miller x Widow F!Reader

Word Count / 3.7k

Warnings / FLUFF. ACTUAL FLUFF AND SOME HAPPINESS. Talking about suicide, mourning and descriptions of grief and depression. And a little surprise right at the end that I will not spoil for y'all.

Authors Note / Okay. I LOVE THIS CHAPTER SO MUCH. I have to admit when I wrote it I actually made myself cry and that's no word of a lie. I am having so much fun fleshing this story out and I hope that the slow burn isn't too slow for y'all but I promise these two are moving in the direction we want them to move in - I PROMISE YOU. If you enjoy this then I would LOVE to hear from you - Comments, reblogs and asks genuinely make my day.

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

A week later, your garden is abuzz with life. Tommy has dragged the kettle grill from his garden into your own and is currently trying to get the coals to light, Joel is standing over his shoulder trying to get him to listen to what he thinks will work. You giggle to yourself when Tommy follows Joel’s instructions, and the flames catch. Younger brother yet again bested by his older brother’s knowledge. 

Maria is stepping out of the kitchen with plates and cutlery, placing them on the table, where Ellie is sat curled on the chair with her nose in a book. She’d come to the library on Monday and switched Artemis Fowl for the Chronicles of Narnia, another good choice in your opinion, and she’d spent most of the last thirty minutes with her nose stuck in the book. 

“Here you go, honey,” Maria pushes a glass of blackberry wine into your hand, “Shane sent us a bloody crate of this stuff, he’s made so much this year.” 

You clink your glass with her own and take a sip, letting the sweet liquid fall down your throat. You have to admit it was getting better with every year. The first year Shane had proudly debuted his wine it was way too sour, everyone apart from Tommy had been too polite to tell him so. The next year, it had been drowned in enough sugar to give anyone diabetes, but now he was getting the hang of it, and with the sun starting to lower in the sky and all your favourite people, apart from one, around you, you had to admit you thought you were happy. 

You’d spent all day cooking side dishes that you’d saved up your ration cards for. Potato salad, a slapdash attempt at Greek salad, just without feta and balsamic vinegar, you’d even made a fresh loaf of bread. Maria and Tommy had brought meat to grill – there were steaks from the last lot of cows to have been slaughtered, chicken that Maria had skewered with peppers, and even burgers and sausages. Your luck to have found this place never failed to amaze you. You could convince yourself all this was back on the street you’d lived at in California before outbreak day. Ellie had even attempted to make a pie as dessert. She’d lifted the cloth covering the pastry when she’d knocked on the door, Joel in tow. 

“It’s apple, because I remember you saying that was your favourite,” You’d smiled and pulled her into a quick hug, “Joel insisted on a whole pastry lid though, something about it being better than the lattice.” 

You’d looked him in the eye, “Well, Joel is outnumbered here, but we’ll let him off for tonight.” 

He’d dipped to kiss your cheek as he’d walked in through the threshold, passing a bottle of whiskey to you, “If you set that in the freezer it’ll be nice and chilled for something to drink after dinner.” 

Once the flames have died down and the coals are embers, you watch Tommy set the chicken skewers on the grill. You head inside and pull your sides out of the fridge, cutting slices of bread. There’s a tiny amount of butter left which you also pull out, setting everything on the table outside, watching as Ellie’s eyes bulge at foods she’d never experienced before. You smirk at her, whispering that she’s welcome to try anything she wants but to make sure Joel doesn’t catch her, sure that he’ll chide her for her manners. 

You go back inside and pull another plate out for Tommy to set the cooked meat on and fill two tumblers of whiskey for the two of them, setting them on the empty plate to take them down to the men. 

“It never fails to amaze me how much cooking on fire takes you men back to the dark ages.” You joke, holding the plate out for Joel to take a glass, which he does gladly, neither him nor Tommy enjoying Shane’s homebrewed beer much by the looks of it.

You hand Tommy the plate once he’s taken his own glass, “Didn’t Sarah always used to say the same thing?” Tommy asked, Joel nods in agreement, “Somethin’ about being cavemen.” 

You laugh and leave them to it, heading back to the table where Maria and Ellie are talking together. As you sit down you can tell that Ellie is attempting (and failing) to get Maria to let her try her wine. 

“You don’t want this, trust me,” You smirk, sitting down on the chair next to her, “I’ve been drinking my entire life and it’s already going to my head.” 

You make polite conversation around the table for a little while until Tommy is walking towards you with a plate full of grilled meat. He sets it down before he sits down next to his wife, Joel taking the other unoccupied chair opposite you. Within moments, plates are full and you’re all eating in silence. 

Joel watches you intently as you cut a slice of steak. He watches as your eyes close and your head tilts back a little until a little groan falls from your mouth. He can’t stop his brain from thinking how much he’d like to be the one making your eyes close and your head tilt back like that. God, he really was getting old if a singular glass of whiskey had him thinking like this. He drags his gaze from you back to his own plate of food, so you don’t catch the darkening of his eyes. 

“Tommy, Jesus Christ, I haven’t had steak like this in so long.” You’re praising his brother, breaking off a slice of bread to dip into the dripping that’s come from the resting steak. 

Everyone is silent as you make your way through the rest of the meal. Once you’ve all eaten your fill there’s less left that you thought there would be, everyone obviously making the most of the rare luxury of meat. 

Ellie insists that although you’re all fit to burst, you have to try a slice of apple pie and you’re thankful you did. She’d done an absolutely fantastic job of it on her own and you couldn’t help the swell of your heart as she’d grinned when you told her it was just as good as the one you’d made together, backed up by everyone else around the table. 

Maria and Ellie do the dishes together, packaging up leftovers for everyone to take home with them for the next day as Joel and Tommy start a small fire on the grass of your garden in a small drum that you don’t dare ask where he got it from. You tell Ellie about your days camping with your dad, toasting marshmallows and getting sticky when you tried to pull it off the toasting stick. 

You drink whiskey for the first time in ages as you swap stories across the fire and you can’t help but smile. You love this little bunch of people, the five of them, sat around, keeping you company, making everything seem just that little bit easier. 

You glance to your left a little while later, Ellie is asleep, resting her head on her hand. The conversation has lulled a little, Maria and Tommy are holding each other’s hands, glancing at Ellie too. 

“I think I’m ready to call it a night,” Maria speaks, “We’ll take Ellie back to yours Joel, you stay here and finish your drink.” 

He’s just poured himself another glass of whiskey from the bottle and is cradling it in his impossibly large hands. He nods, gently waking Ellie to tell her that Maria and Tommy will walk her home and he’ll be back soon once he finishes his drink. She doesn’t argue, standing up with a yawn. 

“Thanks for today,” She says to you, bending down to your chair to give you a quick hug, “I’m glad you liked the pie.” 

You smile at her and say that you hope you’ll see her soon, bidding her a goodnight. She gives Joel a hug too, telling him not to stay out too late because he’s an old man. He snorts but agrees he won’t stay long. 

Maria and Tommy also give you a hug, insisting that you stay put instead of standing. And then they’re all gone and it’s just you and Joel sat around the fire. It’s quiet, the silent never uncomfortable between the two of you. 

“Can I ask a question?” You ask quietly, once the silence becomes too much, looking down at the glass of whiskey in your hands. 

The fire is warm, even if its flames have died down. It’s casting a gentle orange glow across Joel’s features which makes him look soft, even more welcoming than normal. 

“Of course you can.” He replies, sipping his own drink. 

“How long did it take for you to feel okay again?” You can’t look him in the eye, can’t look at him altogether, it’s a personal question, one you never thought you’d feel okay asking, but the wine and whiskey have made you brave, “You know, after Sarah?” 

He’s silent for a long time. Long enough that you wonder if you’ve upset him. You’re about to open your mouth to apologise for overstepping a line when he speaks, “It wasn’t time that did it,” He answers, thinking back to the last time he’d said those words, it’s still true, “It’s more about what I found that made it easier.” 

You’re running a finger around the rim of your glass trying to distract yourself but you can feel his eyes on you, “It never goes away, not really,” He sighs, “Not to make you feel even worse about things, but it shrinks a little, until you can remember all the good things about that person, instead of how much it hurts that you don’t have them anymore.” 

“What was it like for you?” You look at him now and fuck he’s pretty. No amount of grief would deny the way your stomach flipped when you see him in this moment. The flickering orange light of the flame illuminating the shadows of his face, his eyes are darker than normal, and you think you might just drown yourself in them if you look any longer, “What was your grief like?” You look away, trying to ignore the lump in your throat. 

You watch as he leans his elbow on the arm of the chair, resting his fingers on his mouth as if he’s contemplating what to say to you, “I couldn’t see the point of life without her anymore,” He speaks softly, “Sarah was gone, the world was gone, so what was I still doin’ here, you know?” You nod, because you do know. You know all too well. “In those first few days after I tried to kill myself,” You let in a sharp inhale of breath, which he doesn’t acknowledge, “I was ready, I wasn’t scared, but I flinched, and for twenty years I always wondered why. Why did I flinch when I pulled that trigger?” He’s silent again for a while and you want to reach out and offer your hand to him, but again, you don’t, you keep it in your own lap, “I guess what I’m tryin’ to say is that it won’t always break your heart, but I think you already know that,” You nod in agreement as you close your eyes, “You’ve just gotta find the next thing worth livin’ for.” 

You want to tell him you’re sorry, but when had that ever helped you? No amount of sorry from anyone was going to bring your respective people back. You’d always thought that saying sorry was a cop out anyway. Something someone said when they didn’t know what else to say, so you didn’t. 

“You know, it never even crossed my mind.” You muse, mostly to yourself than anything else. 

“What didn’t?”

“Killing myself,” You reply almost immediately, “I think now that it would have been the easiest thing, I could have been with him, I wouldn’t have been here to listen to everyone gossip about me, I wouldn’t have spent a year of my life practically locked in my house, but it never once crossed my mind.” 

“You wanna know what I think?” He asks, watching you as you nod, “I think that’s because deep down you knew you’d be okay, whether you realized it or not,” He’s reaching for the nearly empty bottle of whiskey to top his glass up, “I know it hurts, sweet pea, trust me, but you’ll know what love is again someday.” 

It’s such a striking thing for him to say that it catches you completely off guard. Outside of the handful of times this evening that you’ve caught yourself thinking of how utterly beautiful a man Joel Miller is, you’ve never thought about finding someone else. Mark was meant to be your one and only, you’ve vowed to each other that was the case, signed your names on a piece of paper to the same effect. ‘Til death us do part. It’s silly but when you’d uttered those words to Mark, you’d always imagined dying together. Old age, hands held, drifting off together. In reality it hadn’t been old age, but you’d held hands, right until the bitter end, but then you were left here, all alone, and he was gone. 

“You know those romantic movies we used to watch before?” 

“You used to watch.” He interrupts, a small smile on his face. 

“Alright, those romantic movies I used to watch,” You let out a little giggle, “Whenever someone died before their time, they would inevitably get just the right amount of time to tell the person they loved that they wanted to move on?” Joel nods that he knows what you’re talking about, “I guess I’ve always thought I needed his permission, not really just to find someone else, but to move on and live my life again.” 

“Did you need his permission for much when he was around?” He asks. 

You shake your head, “He was always so laid back, even when we were on our own out of the quarantine zones, we were a team, but we understood each other, understood what we both needed, so no, not really.” 

Joel speaks without a pause, “Then you just need to ask yourself for permission then.” 

Silence falls between you both again. You’re staring at the flames in front of you and draining your glass of whiskey. It was never your favourite, you didn’t like the way it burnt on your tongue or the feeling of it settling in your stomach, but like anything in this world, it was the case of any port in a storm. Joel follows suit and drains the last of his drink. 

“I should really be gettin’ back,” He speaks softly, “But thank you, for today, it’s been one of the nicest days I can remember.” 

You both stand up, Joel taking the empty glasses and you taking hold of the whiskey bottle with the last bit of amber liquid in the bottom. He walks in front, stopping to drop the glasses in the sink which you insist you’ll wash up yourself. You set the whiskey bottle on the side and follow him to the front door. 

He pauses before he can turn the handle and open the door and you wonder what’s going on. Joel is the kind of man who is always sure of his actions, never falters, but his hand is outstretched and he’s not moving. You’re leant against the wall on one shoulder at the bottom of the stairs that lead to the top floor of your house when he turns back around to you. 

“I think he’d want you to be happy, sweet pea,” He breathes, “You have too much love in here to not give it to anyone else.” His fingertips are brushing the space between your breasts where your heart is, and you wonder when he got so fucking close to you.

You look up and he’s looming over you, those beautiful brown eyes looking directly through yours and into your soul. His hands are cupping your cheeks. Those rough and calloused palms are warm against your skin which had cooled in the evening air. You can’t quite believe it but you’re tilting your face up towards him and he’s leaning his down towards yours and before you know it, his lips are pressed to yours so softly you might cry. You can sense his hesitation but as your eyes flutter closed, you’re pushing yourself onto your toes to press your lips more firmly to his. 

And then it all comes crashing over you. The moment you close your eyes, it’s not Joel’s face in your mind, it’s Mark’s. It’s his hands cupping your face, they were softer than Joel’s. It was hit scent you could remember through your nostrils, not the smoke and musk you could smell of Joel. Your hands are fisting the lapels of his jacket as you pull away, pulling in a sigh as he rests his forehead against yours before pulling himself away. He’s still close enough that your hands are still on his jacket, but he’s dropped his hands from his face. 

“I’m sorry, Joel,” You whisper, shaking your head, “I can’t.” Is what you murmur. 

He drops his head and steps back from you, making your hands drop from his jacket, he’s turning on his heel and heading to the door with a mumbled apology. 

“Joel!” You call out before he has chance to shut the door behind him, he turns and faces you, “I’m not saying never,” You confess, “Just not right now.” 

You watch as a flash of hope appears on his face and he’s giving you that signature lop-sided smile, “I’ll wait, sweet pea.” And then he’s gone. 

*

It’s late and Joel can’t sleep. He’s been tossing and turning since he got into bed an hour ago, replaying the events of the evening in his mind. He’s trying to blame his irrational choice to kiss you on the whiskey, but he knows it isn’t true. Every day he’s seen you since you sat down and ate strawberry pie together, he’s wanted to kiss you. Wanted to kiss the sadness and the grief out of your body and put you back together again. It had nothing to do with the whiskey and everything to do with you. 

The way you’d asked him about his own grief, so quiet and unsure as to whether you were overstepping a line. The way you’d listened to him talk about wanting to end everything but didn’t offer an apology or the look in your eyes that told him you felt sorry for him. The way that every time he spoke to you, you opened up a little bit more, let him in a little more. Hell, even the way you’d winced at every mouthful of whiskey. It was all you. And it had been a dumb fucking decision. 

He could hear the break in your voice as you’d told him you couldn’t, like you were afraid of letting him down. He couldn’t stop thinking about how you’d said, ‘Just not right now’ and his stupid smile at your words. He didn’t want to push your boundaries this much, didn’t want you to think you owed him anything. He just wanted to make you less miserable. 

He runs a hand over his face and grumbles to himself. He knows sleep won’t find him now. His head won’t shut up and all he really wants to do is run to your front step and tell you he’s sorry, that you don’t have to make him feel better by telling him to wait if you don’t mean it. He’ll never forget the spark of electricity down his spine when your lips touched him, or how he craved to push his whole body against yours when your hands had pulled at the lapel of his jacket, but he doesn’t need you to feel like you must want him back. 

If only he knew that you were led in your own bed, a few streets over, in a similar state of insomnia. Led in your bed, staring up at the ceiling, wishing that Mark’s face hadn’t been at the forefront of your mind when you’d closed your eyes. That’s what does it, what fills your body with panic. That you wished for the first time that you didn’t think about him. You’d wanted it to be all Joel, consumed by him, you didn’t want Mark’s face in the back of your mind. 

Tears roll down your cheeks and onto your pillow. Your brain is telling you that soon enough he won’t be there. You keep wishing he wasn’t, and he won’t be, you’ll forget about him, forget the shape of his body against yours, the sound of his voice in your ear, and surely that’s not right. Surely you should always want to remember him. Your first love, your first everything, really. 

Joel was a good man. One of the best you’d ever had the pleasure of knowing, and he didn’t deserve someone who wasn’t able to give their all, someone who would always close their eyes and see their dead husband. You couldn’t make him wait for you, but could you let him go? Could you let Joel go? The man who had fixed your rotted porch step just because he didn’t want you to hurt yourself. The man who didn’t push you for insight into your grief, just stood there and let you be, letting you share when you were ready. The man who had been through the same kind of loss as you and had been walking around for the last twenty years knowing he failed at ending it all. 

You run a hand over your face and decide that no, you couldn’t let him walk away, but you weren’t quite ready to let someone in like that. You needed to speak to him, to lay all your cards on the table for once, and that scared the shit out of you. It was time to put your big girl pants on and face the music. 

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