#⌈did i hear you right?⌋ ⋆❈⋆ ⌈incorrect quote⌋

[askthechronoverse]

RJ: You're the love of my life and my best friend, I would do anything for you.

Richard: I want you to eat three meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule.

RJ: Absolutely not.

[7s3ven]

Hear me out guys… retired soldiers now bodyguards! task force 141 x spoiled heiress! reader

( just an idea )

You’re like, a nutcase. Your father adores you but sometimes you can go out of control. Like for instance, the time you jumped off a cliff into the ocean below to impress a boy.

Yeah, your father wasn’t very impressed with your behaviour.

On top of your recklessness, your father has enemies who always seem to target you. You’re his obvious weakness and he can’t spend another moment of anxiously wondering if you’re okay while he’s working.

So, he hires the best bodyguards he can find. And they turn out to be retired soldiers from an elite unit known as Task Force 141. Perfect.

You don’t take kindly to being continuously followed by four large men who don’t even try to be subtle. It’s not like taking care of you is easy either. You’re a troublemaker, you always have been since your mother left you for another family (your reckless tendencies tend to stem from the fact that you’re causing trouble to get her to notice you again).

Task Force 141 has had enough when you attempt to sneak out of the house to a party on a Friday night. But it seems apart from shopping and acting like a brat, you aren’t good at anything else.

They hear a crash and someone swearing loudly before you roll off the roof, landing in the bushes right outside the window where the four men have a perfect view of you. They were watching a football came until you interrupted.

Jonny bursts into laughter, slapping Gaz out of amusement, while Price fetches you and forces you back inside.

“You know, your house has a back door for a reason.” Simon utters as he cleans your scratches but there’s a mocking indication to his tone.

“Yeah but like, going out the window felt more cool.” You argue back, furrowing your eyebrows.

“Was it cool when you face planted into the ground?”

You can only pout in annoyance.

From then on, they don’t leave you alone, especially not on Friday nights. You have to deal with being squished between Price and Simon as they watch a boring documentary on… fish? Jonny definitely chose that one.

But hey, you aren’t exactly complaining. Being stuck between the two men means being able to feel their muscles and smell their strong cologne. You tolerate the four men more after they cleaned your scratches from landing in a bush and carried you to your bed.

And so what if you catch feelings? Anybody else in your position would have done the same.

“We can’t date ya, lovie. We’re too old and we work for your dad.”

Do you care? Not really.

“My dad literally hired you because I was a troublemaker. Ya think I give a shit? ‘Sides, the older the better.”

Jonny jabs a thumb in Price’s direction, “Even the captain? You should’ve seen ‘im in his prime. Way better looking.” He hands you a picture that he just happens to have of Price.

You glance at it then lift your head to look at Price. Your lips curve into a teasing smile. “Yeah, you’re right. What happened, Captain?” You joke.

INCORRECT QUOTES FOR THE LAUGHS:

Kidnapper, negotiating with TF 141: We have the annoying heiress. Give us ten thousand dollars and they will be returned to you unharmed

Y/N: Whoa, whoa, wait, you think I’m only worth ten thousand dollars. MAKE IT ONE MILLION–

Price: Y/N, STOP

Simon: Can I be frank with you guys?

Jonny: Sure, but I don’t see how changing your name is gonna help.

Gaz: Can I still be Gaz?

Y/N: Shh, let Frank speak.

Gaz: In your opinion, what’s the height of stupidity?

Simon: *turning to Y/N* How tall are you?

Price: Where's Simon, Gaz, and Y/N?

Jonny: They're playing hide and seek.

Price: Where?

Jonny: I don't think you get how this game works.

Y/N: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast?

Simon: Several traffic violations.

Gaz: Three counts of resisting arrest.

Jonny: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks.

Price: Also, that’s not our car.

[buckleysssss]

tg/tg:m incorrect quotes while we wait for tg3 pt.2

-----

Jake: I know I have a nice ass because everytime I walk by I hear someone say, "What an ass"

Bob, whispering: ... Should we tell him?

Bradley: Nah, he's right he does have a nice ass.

-----

Ice: What's a conspiracy theory you guys believe in?

Goose: Everytime Mav pulls some dumb shit-

Ice: What?

Slider: Damn Mav's dumb shit got his ass before he could finish.

-----

Mav: 'God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers' When did I sign up for the war ?

Ice: When you joined the navy ?????

-----

Ice: I swear on your lives, I'm straight.

Goose: FUCK I CAN'T BREATHE, TELL CAROLE I LOVE HER

Slider: The light..... it's getting closer

Mav: My heart! I think it's failing!

-----

Jake: I've only said 'I love you' to two people in my entire life: Bradley and a guy in a dark club who I mistook for Bradley.

-----

Ice: God, give me patience.

Goose: I think you mean “Give me strength”?

Ice: If god gave me strength, Mav would be dead.

-----

Bob: Adulting is hard, how do I quit?

Bradley, Javy: Time travel

Jake, Natasha: die

-----

Ice: Just saw my bf for the first time in a few months and he has a massive wound on his leg. He just glanced at it and said "brick fight"

Ice: When pressed: "nobody was mad, just a good old fashioned brick fight" ?????

-----

Mav: My favourite thing to do is say the dumbest, most cringey shit then watch the five stages of grief flash through Tom's eyes as he realises with horror that he still wants to kiss me.

[decaffeinatedcandycane]

Continuation.... (stalkers!taskforce 141 x reader)

Incorrect quotes.... Let's goo!!!!

Warning: It does get NSFW

*loud arguing from inside the walls*

Y/N yelling from the couch: Can I get a waffle?

*silence*

Y/N: Can I please get a waffle?

*silence*

Y/N: That's what I though.... Suckers.

.................

Y/N: Helloooo

Ghost: It's 4am. Shut the fuck up or we are shutting down the WiFi.

*silence*

Ghost: Finally.

*le several minutes later*

Y/N leaning close to Ghost's ear: Herroooo

Ghost falling of the bed: Fucking 'ell!! It's illegal for you to be this QUIET!!!!

Soap rushing in the room: Simon wh- Y/N!!! How did you get in here? This fortress.. is impenetrable?

Y/N: Door was unlocked

Ghost: Son of a bitch

..............

Price: Okay kid.... I'm gonna put this bag over your head, now. Don't struggle.

Y/N: Why?

Price: So you don't see where we are taking you.

Y/N: is it.... somewhere....in my own house?

Price: Well-

Y/N: In the same house I constantly bust you in?

Price:

Y/N: This house?

Price, impatient: Yes, this house. Now, put this on.

Y/N: Can't.

Price, irritated: Why not.

Y/N, quietly: Tied up.

Price: Right.

Y/N: It's not gonna last you know.... It's not that big of a house. I will find you again.

Soap: Shouldn't WE say that.

Gaz: I feel threatened.

Ghost: We made renovations.

Price: Don't tell her that.

Y/N: So you made extra space.

Price: Maybe...

Y/N: ....And didn't fix the leaking roof.

*silence*

Soap chiming in: I dug holes under the house for the water.

Y/N: You did WHAT?!

Price: Shit. Don't trash around... My duck tape!!!

.........

Price fixing the holes from under the house: Kid, listen. I am sorry for my sergent.

Y/N: Man with your cake shouldn't call me "kid".

Price: My what?

Y/N: I have too many spicy thoughts to consider you a father figure.

Price: Not sure I want to understand that.

Y/N: I unfrathered you soon after our first meeting.

Price: Please, stop.

*silence*

*Price reaching toward his shirt*

Y/N: No, keep your shirt off.

Price:

Y/N: Yeah...Flex them muscles.

Price, frantically looking around: What? Where are you?

Y/N: Don't worry about it.

Price spotting a small camera: Did you put surveillance on us.

Y/N: Shhh.... Keep working bby girl. Do your thing.

Price: Don't call me that!

.......

Y/N: It's a crime I am being stalked but nothing more.

*silence*

Y/N: I said-

Ghost: We heard what you said. We can hear everything you are saying.

Y/N: So?

Ghost: What do you want more? Torture?

Y/N, mischievously: I will send you some clips.

Ghost: Our network is secured. You can't just-

*ding*

Ghost: Okay... Not happy about that.

*ding* *ding*

Ghost: I got it.

*ding* *ding* *ding* *ding*

Ghost: Captain!

Price: Yeah. I got it. Opening now.

Price: Oh my-

Ghost: We are NOT doing that!!!

Gaz: This is deranged.

Soap, stripping: Guess I will take one for the team.

Soap, yelling: Hey lass. If I do that, ya need to put on a helmet.

Price: Don't even think about it!

...........

Soap: It's a very quiet evening.

*silence*

Soap: I will fix the roof in the morning.

*silence*

Soap: Will you just talk to me?

*silence*

Soap, activating his puppy eyes: Your silence is killing me.

*silence*

Soap, angrily: Fine. Be like that. I don't care!

*from another room*

Ghost: Should we tell him, he is talking to a decoy doll for the past 20 minutes?

Price: Nah, let him be. Where is Y/N anyway?

Ghost: Shop? I think.

Price: You think?

Ghost: That's what I've heard.

Price, suspicious: Didn't Kyle say he was going shopping?

Ghost: Yeah.

Price:

Ghost:

Price: Fuck.

..........

*Gaz leisurely stretching on the couch*

Y/N: One down! Three more to go!

*on the other side of the house*

Ghost: Captain! The sergent is down.

Price: Shit. Y/N you will pay for this.

*Gaz laughing cause he can hear them through his ear piece*

Soap, stripping: I will avenge you.

Price: Mactavish! I said no!

...........

*in bed*

Y/N: Wasn't that bad, huh.

Price taking a deep drag from his cigar: Never said it was, doll.

Y/N, scrabbling something in a notebook and whispering: One more to go!

Price: Why one more?

Y/N: Mactavish ambushed me as soon as you feel asleep.

Price, laughing: God dammit.

Price wrapping his arms tightly around Y/N: Now we are never gonna leave... You know that, right? *planting a little kiss on Y/N forehead*

Y/N: I am counting on that.

.........

Y/N, dramatically: You are the last one left. Surrender.

Ghost, tryng not to laugh: Never.

Y/N: There is nowhere to go, Simon.

Ghost: You sure about that?

Y/N: Surrender! Or else.

Ghost: Alright. *drops pants*

Y/N: Shit- How? What do you eat?

Ghost, stretching his arms out: Come 'ere sweetheart.

Y/N, walking backwards toward the door: I think I forgot the bathroom oven opened.

Ghost, walking towards her: No, no. Come 'ere and take what you bargained for.

..........

That's it!

[ryemiffie]

More quotes from my day as gravity falls incorrect quotes:

Ford: You're a dumbass.

Bill: No I'm not, I am so much smarter than you.

Bill, turning to Pyronica: Dude, I'm gaslighting this guy so hard right now.

Ford: I can still fucking hear you dumbass!

Bill: No you fucking can't, you can not hear that far, stop being crazy!

Ford: You didn't move at all!

Bill: Yes I did!

[bjornopizza]

Thunderbolts* incorrect quotes pt2

Bob: John is playing hard to get.

Bob: Little do they know, I'm a master at playing hard to get rid of.

━━━━⊱⋆⊰━━━━

Yelena: Just a minute. I need to go take out the trash.

Bob: Oh. We're going out?

Yelena: Wh...

━━━━⊱⋆⊰━━━━

Yelena: What's with the new hat?

John: Oh, this? It's nothing.

Bob: It's the loudest nothing I ever saw.

Bucky: John, you just can't mosey in here with a brand-new hat and act like you're not wearing a brand-new hat.

John: Look, I'm trying something new, okay? Just take it easy.

Alexei: He's right, guys. Come on, let's not go down this path. It's ugly... Kinda like that hat–

John: I got this from a nice store!

Yelena: What store? The one before you exit the Al Capone Museum?

Ava, entering the room: What's up, John? Did you just finish Bling Ring-ing Bruno Mars' closet?

John: I'm being brave, okay? You guys are sheep. You may want to take a long, hard look in the mirror.

Ava: Better us than you. You look like a park ranger from a cartoon.

John: Yelena, do you think the hat looks bad?

Yelena: Oh, uh, me? Um, I... I wouldn't say it was bad. Like, I think it's just different, like something you would wear in Indiana... Jones and the Temple of Bad Hats.

━━━━⊱⋆⊰━━━━

Bob: Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle, and explode into bats to get out of all social situations.

━━━━⊱⋆⊰━━━━

Bob: You know, when I first met you I thought you were a real bitch.

John: What changed your mind?

Bob: Oh, I still think you're a bitch. I've just grown to like that about you.

━━━━⊱⋆⊰━━━━

Bob, over radio: Testing. Testing. Yelena, can you hear me?

Yelena, standing next to Bob: I’m standing right here.

Bob: You’re coming through good and loud.

Yelena: ‘Cause I’m standing right here.

━━━━⊱⋆⊰━━━━

John: When will Ted himself...finally show up to the talk?

Bob: The final boss.

Ava: You guys know TEDtalks stands for technology, entertainment, and design talks, right?

John: I will not let Ted hide behind these lies any longer!

━━━━⊱⋆⊰━━━━

Bob: Don’t mansplain this to me!

Yelena: Wh- I’m a woman! I can't mansplain anything to you!

Bob: …Well, I’m a feminist, and I believe a woman can do anything a man does!

━━━━⊱⋆⊰━━━━

Bucky: John, that’s disgusting. You’re only giving free stuff to beautiful people.

Bob: Yeah, you should be ashamed of yourself.

John: Oh yeah? *gets really close to Bob* How about a muffin on the house baby?

Bob, giggling: I’m pretty.

━━━━⊱⋆⊰━━━━

Bob: Never gonna make you cry!

Yelena: Never gonna say goodbye!

Bob: Never gonna tell a lie—

Bucky: I will hurt you.

━━━━⊱⋆⊰━━━━

Ava: You seem familiar... have I threatened you before?

━━━━⊱⋆⊰━━━━

John: Jail is no fun. I’ll tell you that much.

Ava: Oh, you’ve been?

John: Once. In Monopoly.

━━━━⊱⋆⊰━━━━

Bucky: *cocks gun* Go to Bed. This is no longer a request, This is now a Threat.

━━━━⊱⋆⊰━━━━

Bucky: If I'm extra sarcastic with you it probably means I'm flirting with you or you really annoy me and I can't handle your crap... have fun figuring out which one.

[yuno-karei]

[Image ID: A Mairimashita! Iruma-kun comic based on incorrect quotes. Opera in the first image says "I scare people sometimes because I walk very softly and they don't hear me enter rooms. So when they turn around, I'm just kind of there. " with a sigh. In the second image, it's a bottom up shot with Kalego squatting on top of a cupboard, scared shitless while holding onto a spray bottle and pointing it at Opera in an attempt to defend himself. "How did you get into my house!? " he asks. A bit of the back of Opera's head is shown in the bottom right corner of the image, and their ear wiggles while they reply "Exactly. " in delight. End ID]

Yeah.

[tomriddleslovergirl]

House of the Dragon Incorrect Quotes

You: Are we fighting or flirting? Aemond: I'm pinning you against a wall with my hand around your neck- You: Your point?

You: I feel like doing something stupid. Aegon: I’m stupid, do me.

You: Crushes are the worst. Whenever I’m near mine, I start acting stupid. Aemond: You always act stupid. Aemond: Aemond: Wait...

Alicent: Did you wash the dishes? Aegon: I thought you wanted to do that... Alicent: *chuckles* You were WRONG.

Aemond: People tell me I have a unique way of lighting up a room. You: It’s called arson and those people are called witnesses.

You: Are you ever going to listen to me? Daemon: Yes. Absolutely. You: When? Daemon: When you're right.

Aegon: We have a problem. Aemond: No, YOU have a problem. I have an idiot who keeps making them.

You: I still have no idea how I’m attracted to you... Daemon: Yeah, well, you’re stuck with me, and no take backs, honey.

Aegon: I committed all 7 deadly sins in 30 minutes. You: Wow, I've gotta hear this. Aegon: I was angry and envious of my neighbor so I lazily seduced his wife and ate all his groceries and didn't share. You: You forgot pride. Aegon: No, I'm pretty proud of this.

Aegon: What do you call people you go out with but don’t try to sleep with? You: ...People?

Daemon: This is bothering me. You: Well, you are digging up a corpse. Daemon: No, not that. That's, uh, pretty par for the course, actually.

[nonbinarylocalcryptid]

*rubbing my hands with mischief* guess who found an incorrect quotes generator

So here is a compilation of incorrect quotes from the Astyanax lives/daddy Odysseus AU

Odysseus: Once Astyanax thanked me and I couldn’t decide between “No problem!” and “No worries!” so I yelled “No worms!” to them as they walked away.

--

Astyanax, smol, facing a threat: I am in charge of this disaster!

Odysseus: I have a name, you know.

Astyanax, smol, a little shit: Polyphemus knows

Odysseus: ...

The threat: HAHAHAHAHA

--

Astyanax: Hey Odysseus, can I get some ice-cream?

Odysseus: Only a spoonful!

Astyanax: *Proceeds to pull out a comically large spoon.*

Odysseus: ...

Odysseus, tearing up: that's my boy

--

Astyanax, looking at Odysseus: Okay, so I need to become a therapist faster.

Odysseus: I hEaR tHaT

--

Astyanax when he's told about the whole horse thing, looking at Odysseus: What doesn't kill me better start running, because now I'm fucking pissed.

--

Astyanax, at Odysseus: Of course you have blood all over you, and pronouns.

Odysseus: I use he/him pronouns...?

Astyanax: FOR THE LAST TIME, EVERYONE HAS PRONOUNS...

--

Astyanax: But when all hope seemed lost, I had an epiphany!

Astyanax, earlier while Odysseus was messing up (again): I'm going to throw myself into the sea.

--

Astyanax "I was raised by Odysseus what did you expect" of Troy: I don’t know the first thing about clothes. Pretty much all I can do is look at something and tell you if it’s clothes or not. This chair? Not clothes. That barrel? Not clothes. That middle-aged man who invaded Troy? Not clothes.

--

Astyanax: Wow, great work on the Halloween decorations. Where did you get the fake skeletons?

Odysseus: Fake?

Astyanax: ...

--

Odysseus: We'll talk about this later.

Astyanax: Fine, I won’t be listening.

--

Odysseus: I will beat all of you in Rock, Paper, Scissors. You go first.

Astyanax: Rock.

Odysseus: Paper.

Astyanax: ...

Odysseus: First rule, never trust anybody

--

Astyanax: I am going to need you to swear-

Odysseus: Fuck.

Astyanax:

Astyanax: ...swear as in promise.

--

Astyanax: Don't have a bookmark? Try ketchup instead!!

Odysseus: What makes you think I read?

Astyanax: ...right, my mistake, that explains a lot of things.

Odysseus: now I'm offended

Astyanax: like the time I was offended by a wooden horse?

Odysseus: ...

--

Odysseus: So, I've been thinking Astyanax-

Astyanax, young but tired of this bs: That's dangerous.

--

Odysseus: Damn, the power went out.

Astyanax: Don’t worry, I got this.

Astyanax: *stomps foot*

Odysseus: What-?

Astyanax: *Sketchers light up*

--

Odysseus: Hoodie pockets are so great. I can fit like three sandwiches and a grenade in there and my hands are still warm.

Astyanax, looking at the sea: I wish Poseidon would take me now

--

Odysseus: The joy of hanging out with Astyanax. You look away for 5 seconds to make sure something is set up correctly, and he bites the tip of a marker off.

--

Odysseus: I should have left you on that street corner where you were standing

Astyanax: bUt YoU dIdN't

--

Astyanax: Odysseus, when’s your birthday?

Odysseus "I'm still thinking about the infant from that night" of Ithaca: Why? So you can look up my natal chart? So you can figure out my weaknesses? So you can destroy me?

Astyanax: …So I know when to wish you a happy birthday.

Have some Odysseus and Hermes, as a treat:

Odysseus: Hi, I'm Hermes's emergency contact.

Counter Woman: You're here to pick him up?

Odysseus: I'm here to remove myself as his emergency contact.

[askthechronoverse]

Just dumping my new tags!

[iminyourwallsbabe]

More Arcane Incorrect Quotes because they're funny

Silco: Say "Hi, Sevika"

Powder: Hi Sevika

Sevika: Who's god damn white baby is that?

Ambessa: Guards! Impregnate that man!

Jinx: I HATE JELLYFISH SO MUCH. THEY ARE SO FUCKING EVIL. STAY FAR AWAY FROM THEM. IT'S ONE WITH 24 EYES THAT TRIES TO EAT YOU. THE BOX JELLY

Somebody: Did you know Vi was gay before she came out?

Ekko: Yeah I was one of the first people she told. I kinda knew, because she likes pop tarts without the frosting on them so I knew something was weird

Vi: I miss my wife, Loris. I miss her a lot

Jinx: Top 10 reasons why Jinx is sorry, number 5 will surprise you

Caitlyn: TOP 30 ANIME DEATHS, NUMBER ONE, YOUR FUCKING ASS RIGHT NOW

Jinx: I can't see the end of the horizon- SILCO????

Caitlyn: That person that called the police is a hero in my book

Ekko: Your book has 4 pages in large font

Jayce: Dear period cramps, LEAVE HER ALONE!!!! I'm sorry you had to hear that, ladies. I just get so passionate about feminism

Silco: The worst drug to crave is wanting to be loved

Sevika: Idk shimmer is pretty fucking bad

Viktor: Bro you are so fucking annoying keep this up and I'll kiss you on the lips

Jinx: Lord, take me and whoever's reading this. We ready 🙏🏽♥️

Ekko: HOLD ON BRO I AIN'T READY

Sevika: Why is my boss's kid playing among us like she's not already the imposter #adopted

Viktor: I will miss our talks...

Sky: I know what you are

Caitlyn: Fuck touching grass I need to touch boobs

Jayce: Just found out about classism... damn that shit sucks

Vi: NO BECAUSE DEJA VU MEANS ARE YOU ALRIGHT/OK IN JAPANESE

Ekko: GIRL THAT'S DAIJOBU

Ekko: Me and my girl don't argue, she bashes my head in with a rock and I walk it off like a man

Ambessa: Exuding sex appeal and not letting a single man touch me is my brand

Jinx: You don't even have to match my freak you just have to think whatever's wrong with me is fascinating and perhaps even sexual

Mel: What's your skin type?

Jayce: Handsome

Caitlyn: I need PATHETIC WOMEN. Fail women who can't do things right. LOSERS that get drunk and hit the curb.

Jinx: "you think you're smarter than Jayce Talis?" I know I'm smarter than Jayce Talis. I'm also funnier and hotter. Hope that helps

Jayce: He was anemic and I was his iron man

Viktor: No, babe, this isn't it

[batman-dc-imagines]

Incorrect quotes with the J Squad + (Name)

(Name): Yo is Jerome sleeping or dead?

Jon: Hopefully dead, I hated his guts.

Jervis: Yeah, so did I.

Jerome: Okay first of all, fuck you-

——————————————————————

(Name): *Screams*

Jerome: *Screams louder to establish dominance*

Jon: Should we do something?

Jervis: No, I want to see who wins

——————————————————————

(Name): Everyone, synchronize your watches.

Jerome: I don’t know how to do that.

Jon: I don’t wear a watch.

Jervis: Time is a construct.

——————————————————————

(Name): Can I be frank with you guys?

Jerome: Sure, but I don’t see how changing your name is gonna help.

Jon: Can I still be Jon?

Jervis: Shh, let Frank speak.

(Name): I hate y’all.

Jervis: You don’t mean that, Frank.

——————————————————————

(Name), about Jerome: Apparently we’re getting someone new in the group.

Jon: Are we stealing them?

Jervis: New or used?

(Name): Wonderful responses, both of you.

——————————————————————

(Name): How did none of you hear what I just said?

Jervis: I’ve been zoned out for the past two and a half hours.

Jerome: I got distracted about halfway through.

Jon: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

——————————————————————

(Name): Dammit, Jerome!

Jerome: What?! It wasn’t me!

(Name): Sorry, force of habit. Dammit, Jon!

Jon: Not me either.

(Name): Oh...Then who set the house on fire?

Jervis: *whistles*

(Name): JERVIS-

——————————————————————

*(Name) is cooking*

Jerome: Any chance that’s for me?

(Name): It’s for Jervis. I’m planning on making some bad choices tonight, and I need him on my side.

Jon: I never realized the forethought that went into being a disappointment.

——————————————————————

Jervis: I think (Name) was right.

Jon: I'm surprised they haven't marched in here to say 'I told you so.'

Jerome: They wouldn't do that.

(Name): You're right, Jerome. For once in your life, you're 100% right. I would never say that.

(Name): *turns around, the shirt they're wearing saying 'I told you so' on the back*

——————————————————————

Jerome, banging on the door: Baghead! Open up!

Jon: Well, it all started when I was a kid...

Jervis: No, he meant-

(Name): Let him finish.

——————————————————————

(Name): Have you seen Jerome around here?

Jon: Ugh, yes. He made a horrible mess of the blood fountain.

Jervis: It looks fine to me?

Jon: IT USED TO BE WATER!!!

——————————————————————

Jon: Why are (Name) and Jerome sitting with their backs to each other?

Jervis: They had a fight.

Jon: Then why are they holding hands?

Jervis: They get sad when they fight.

[luxthestrange]

DunMeshi Incorrect quotes#22 Parent vs Parent-

What Happen After Shuro & Laois got into a fight,...You weren't near them but helping Senshi with cooking...Chilchuck separated the two to keep the peace...

Laois*Knows he will be in trouble when he sees you...an ongoing hard punishment awaiting him*...

Kobold!Y/n*Not looking back at him*Hey pup food will be finished soon~We just gotta be patient~

Laois*Taken aback and starts to think*"Wait a minute,They dont know what happen...well that's not right...they need to know or I got these injuries for nothing!-".....

Laois*Taking a deep breath and stand in front of you*...Look what Shuro did to me...

Kobold!Y/n*Looking up and down at him...and starts to growl looking feral...about to bite someone's vocal cords out*OH.HELL.NO.

-In the Eastern Archipelago-

Toshitsugu*Is drinking mindlessly, working on some papers hearing loud steps nearing his office*????-!?!?!

Kobold!Y/n*Kicking the paper wall door off its hinges, holding Shuro and Laois under your arms and with a howl*EXPLAIN YOUR RAISING WAYS YOU ADULTEROUS KNAAAVE!?!?!

Toshitsugu:!?!?!?-

Part 4 of:

[yellow-computer-mouse]

EuryPoli incorrect quotes bc we're gay

Eurylochus: Pros and cons of dating me. Eurylochus: Pros. You'll be the cute one. Eurylochus: Cons. Holy shit, where do I begin-

Polites: I would never say that my boyfriend is a bitch and I don’t like him. That’s not true… My boyfriend is a bitch and I like him so much!

Odysseus: Ooh, somebody has a crush Eurylochus: Pfft, I don’t have a crush on Polites, I just think he's cool. It’s not like I stay up at night thinking about him. *Later that night* Eurylochus, very much awake: Uh oh.

Polites: If you want my advice- Odysseus: No offense but you’re the last person I want relationship advice from. You tried to kill your significant other. Multiple times. Polites: First off, that was before we started dating. Secondly, they’ve also tried to kill me. Eurylochus: It’s true. It was mutually attempted murder.

Eurylochus: I didn't drink that much last night. Odysseus: You were flirting with Polites. Eurylochus: So what? He's my partner. Odysseus: You asked if they were single. Odysseus: And then you cried when they said they weren't.

Polites: It's pretty cold outside.. wanna hold hands? We should stay close. Eurylochus, blushing: Okay. Odysseus: It's fucking summer.

Odysseus: How the hell did you crash the car?! Polites: So I was just driving today, right? And my navigation told me to go straight. Polites: I was like "woah, that's homophobic". Instead, I went gay. And, THAT'S when I got into an accident. Odysseus: ... Eurylochus, with a proud smile: And THAT'S who I'm in love with, ladies and gentlemen.

Odysseus: So, what is Polites to you? Eurylochus: The reason I wake up every morning. Odysseus: ...That’s adorable. Polites earlier that morning, barging into Eurylochus′s room, smacking pans together: WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!!!

Polites: Why doesn’t Eurylochus find me sexy when I bite my lip? Odysseus: What do you look like when you bite your lip? Polites: *bites lip* Odysseus: ...Have you considered biting your bottom lip instead?

Polites: I think I'm falling for you. Eurylochus: Then get up.

Polites: Relationships should be 50/50. Eurylochus cooks us dinner while I sit on the kitchen counter looking pretty.

Eurylochus: Did it hurt when you fell- Polites: From heaven? Wow, I didn’t think you were such a flirt- Eurylochus: No, I meant when you fell down the stairs. Polites: ... Eurylochus: You just laid there for 15 minutes.

Eurylochus: Ugh, crushes are so dumb. Polites: I know. Whenever I’m near the person I like I just start acting stupid. Eurylochus: But you’re always acting stupid? Polites: ... Polites: Yeah, don’t think about that too hard.

Polites: Since we're in a relationship now, your clothes are my clothes too. Don't ask me why I have your shirt on, this is our shirt. Eurylochus: Fine, but when I come strutting in with your fuzzy socks I don't want to hear shit.

Eurylochus: Bro- Polites: No, no, hold up, rewind. Polites: My tongue was down in your throat just a second ago and now you're calling me bro??

Eurylochus: Being gay is a constant battle between "I wish to sit on a window bench with my lover, our legs tangling as we listen to the birds" and "Hey, let's go throw rocks at fascists" and I think that's very sexy of us. Polites: If the window's open and you time it right, you can do both.

Polites: This date is boring! Eurylochus: This isn't a date. I said I was going to the store. Polites: Then why did you invite me? Eurylochus: I didnt, I specifically said "don't come with me," then you said, "fuck you Eurylochus I'll do what I want!

Eurylochus: I’ve been dropping them the most insanely obvious hints for like a year now. No response. Polites: Wow. They sound stupid. Eurylochus: But they’re not. They’re really smart actually. Just dense. Polites: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don’t know… “Hey! I love you!” Eurylochus: I guess you’re right. Hey Polites, I love you. Polites: See! Just say that! Eurylochus: Holy fucking shit. Polites: If that flies over their head then, sorry Eurylochus, but they're too dumb for you. Eurylochus: Polites.

Polites, throwing their head into Eurylochus's lap: Tell me I'm pretty! Eurylochus, lovingly stroking their hair: You're pretty fucking annoying, that's what you are.

Polites: I think we should kiss. Eurylochus: And I think you should die but we don’t always get what we want.

Eurylochus: Okay, I’m going to get the wedding cake. Polites: Perfect, while you do that I’ll check on the ring bear. Eurylochus: ... Eurylochus: You mean ring bearER, right? Polites: ... Eurylochus: Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to our wedding.

Eurylochus: I love you. Polites, not paying attention: What was that? Eurylochus: I said I’m selling you to the zOo-

Polites: Are you an F5 key? Because that ass is refreshing. Eurylochus: Are you a software update? because not right now.

Polites: We have a problem. Eurylochus: No, YOU have a problem. I have an idiot who keeps making them.

Polites: That was so hot, Eurylochus. Eurylochus: I literally called the person who just flirted with you a degenterate dog and told them I hope they get dragged through the streets. Polites: I'm so in love with you.

Eurylochus: How do I tell Polites that I want them to yell at me like they're Gordon Ramsay and I'm a poor little chef who just ruined a crème brûlée?

Polites: Eurylochus is playing hard to get. Polites: Little do they know, I'm a master at playing hard to get rid of.

Eurylochus: I don't know how to tell you this, but... I love you. Polites: That's great, Eurylochus. Especially considering the fact we've been married for 6 fucking years.

Eurylochus: My future partner must be brave, strong, intelligent, successful and organized. Polites: *steps on a caterpillar and proceeds to drop to their knees and sob while apologizing profusely* Eurylochus: That one. I want that one.

Polites, to Eurylochus: We had a date! Polites: *aggressively points to Hello Kitty Coloring Book*

Polites: As top in this relationship, I think we should- Eurylochus: I can't believe you're pulling rank on me.

Eurylochus: I want to kiss you. Polites, not paying attention: What? Eurylochus: I said if you die, I wont miss you.

Polites: Hey, I’m getting in the shower. Wanna help me out? Eurylochus: ...Have you never taken a shower before?

Polites: I have feelings for you. Eurylochus: Why? What's wrong with you? Are you sure you're okay?

Polites: What are you in the mood for? Eurylochus: World domination. Polites: That's a bit ambitious. Eurylochus: You are my world. Polites: Aww... Eurylochus: Polites: Eurylochus: Polites: OH.

Polites: Do you want to know your gay name? Eurylochus: My... my gay name? Polites: Yeah, it's your first name- Eurylochus: Haha. Very funny Polites- Polites: *gets down on one knee* And my last name. Eurylochus: Oh- oh my god.

Polites: Wait, what's going on? Are we all talking about how hot Eurylochus is? Because Eurylochus is a straight up sexual fox riding a red-hot nuclear bombshell right toward the yowza plaza in the heart of Babe City, Assachusetts, U S A. The last A just stands for more ass.

Polites: Eurylochus, you love me, right? Eurylochus: Normally I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere I won’t like.

Polites: Go fuck yourself. Eurylochus, smugly: Sure, but only if you watch

Eurylochus: We both look very handsome tonight. Polites: You know, if you'd just said that I looked handsome, I would have said, "So do you." Eurylochus: I couldn't take that chance.

Eurylochus walking into the kitchen and seeing all their limes peeled: Polites, I love you but, what the h-e-double FUCK. Polites, sipping coffee happily: I love you too :)

Polites: I truly go into housewife mode when I'm someone's soulmate- like, I'll make you pancakes and bacon every morning. Eurylochus: This is a lie. Eurylochus: I'm literally dating them. This is a lie. Eurylochus: THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO COOK A PANCAKE, WHAT IS THIS.

Eurylochus: Is something burning? Polites, leaning seductively on the counter: Just my desire for you. Eurylochus: Polites, the toaster is literally on fire.

Eurylochus: Valentine’s day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos- Polites: I wrote you a poem. Eurylochus, already crying: You did?

Polites: Just a minute. I need to go take out the trash. Eurylochus: Oh. We're going out? Polites: Wh...

*Eurylochus and Polites are in Paris.* Eurylochus: I'm...moved. I...I don't know what it is I'm feeling right now. I feel...destiny? Polites: But... Eurylochus: I don't know what it is. I feel like... I just never thought I'd see it with my own two eyes. And here it is. It's just there. It's right in front of me, and... Polites: This is what you wanted to see? The bridge from Inception? Eurylochus: Yeah. Polites: But the Eiffel Tower is behind us, babe. Eurylochus: Yeah, but this is the bridge FROM INCEPTION. Polites: Okay, alright.

Polites: You know my motto: carpe diem, carpe noctem, carpe coles. Eurylochus: Seize the day, seize the night, what’s the last one? Polites: Seize the dick.

Polites: Are we fighting or flirting? Eurylochus: I'm pinning you against a wall with my hand around your neck- Polites: Your point?

Polites: Hey, random question, what are your favorite flowers? Eurylochus: Peonies, why? Polites: Eurylochus: Were you going to get me flowers? Polites: Eurylochus: Polites: ᶦᵗ’ˢ ᵃ ᵖᵒˢˢᶦᵇᶦˡᶦᵗʸ

Polites: So you like cats? Eurylochus: Yeah. Polites: *tries to impress them by slowly pushing a glass off the table*

Polites: *seductively takes off glasses* Polites: Wow... Eurylochus: *blushes* Haha... what? Polites: You're really fucking blurry.

[koolaidoverliving]

slendermansion incorrect quotes

Lazari: Santa Claus came in last night!

Lulu: Santa Claus? Lazari, it's not even Christmas yet.

Lazari: What? Then who came down our chimney and took our cookies last night?

Toby, eating a cookie: What's up guys.

—

Masky: I'm getting a call from Slenderman.

Toby: I'll act natural!

Masky, on the phone: What do you need?

Toby, shouting next to him: Wow! What delicious water I am drinking right now!

—

Jane: You shouldn't be using a straw.

Clockwork: Yeah yeah, it's bad for the environment or whatever.

Jane: No, it's just a really weird way to eat pizza.

—

Jack: I went to Subway today.

Jeff: What did you order?

Jack: What did I order—What do you mean what did I order? I ordered a fucking sandwich.

—

Masky: (Sees a kid crying at the grocery store)

Masky: Aw, hey buddy...

Masky: (Crouches down to their level)

Masky: Can you please move? You're blocking the coffee powder.

—

Ben: Lulu, why do good people die young?

Lulu: When you are in a garden full of flowers, which do you pick first?

Ben: The ugly ones

Lulu: Exa—Wait what? Why?

Ben: Ugly bitches don't deserve to be in my garden.

—

Sally: OH MY GOD! BEN'S DROWNING!

Lazari: It's okay, I'll give him CPR!

Sally: CHEST COMPRESSIONS OR MOUTH TO MOUTH?

Lazari: I don't know how CPR works, I'm just gonna breathe on him and hope he absorbs it.

—

Toby: Masky just texted me "lmao" from the room next door

Toby: I don't hear him laughing

Toby: I'm friends with a laugh liar.

—

Jeff: What have you two been doing?

Sally: We almost got surprise adopted!

Jeff: What?

Ben: We almost got kidnapped.

Jeff: Ohhh, alright.

Jeff: WAIT WHAT—

[skylarsblue]

❁Love & Deepspace❁

Incorrect Quotes - 1 (Divider by @elfbar-baby )

Sylus: Why do I make them so uncomfortable? MC: They feel your methods, your theories are…. Sylus:Spooky? Sylus: Do you think I’m spooky? MC: I think you're silly. Sylus: Silly? MC: Silly goose even.

(Event minigame) *tower LEANS, but doesn’t fall*

Rafayel: >:3 MC: ARE YOU KIDDING?! THAT’S UNFAIR, YOU MADE T- I need to calm down. Rafayel: …(Name)- MC: Everything’s fine. I’m an adult.

- Zayne, genuinely concerned: How’s your head? MC, with a headache: Well I haven’t had any complaints yet. Zayne: …excuse me? MC: Hm? Oh! Uh- I think I’ll live.

- Caleb: You need to eat. Here, an apple a day keeps the doctor away. MC: …I’m allergic to apples. Caleb: What? No you’re not? Since wh- Zayne, appearing: Caleb: THE FU-

- *phone ringing* MC: Ugh- Wh- hello? Rafayel: Text me. *hangs up* MC: *looks at phone* What the fu-

- (OOC but shh) MC: Yeah I’m gonna try and stay out of drama, focus on work, be a better person- Tara: Guess who got caught sucking dick in the bathroom. MC: Who?! *falls out of chair*

- MC: Now is there a problem? NPC: No I don’t want no problem. MC: Yeah that’s what I thought. *steps away* NPC: walkawaylilpunkass- MC:*holds up microphone* Speak up, I couldn’t hear you bitch.

- Zayne: And what’s your reasoning for killing three people? Caleb: I mean, shit, I’m a Gemini! Sylus: I understand completely. MC:No!

- (I don’t hate Caleb but my partner does and it’s super funny)

Caleb: *sigh* Rafayel: Do you ever shut the fuck up? Zayne: What’d he do? Rafayel: Bitch gon’ breathe. Zayne: He stays doing annoying shit.

- MC: Did you drink my juice? Caleb: Yeah but i didn’t know it was yours. MC:…bitch my name. Is on. The bottle. Caleb: …🏃🏻‍♂️ MC: GET YOUR ASS BAC-

- Tara: What’re you all dressed up for? Where’re you going? MC:, going into snapshots: I’m taking selfies.

- Caleb: *enters* Rafayel: Ah hell- See I thought I was gonna have a happy day today, but then you walked in. Zayne: What did he do? Rafayel: Exist. Zayne: Why would you do that to him? Caleb: I JUST GOT HERE-

- Sylus: Okay, you’re driving pretty good. Luke: I’ve been practicing!- Sylus: But if it start raining dicks which way do you swerve? Luke , trying to remember which gear to shift in: …what?

- (IM SO SORRY AHAHAAH)

MC: Babe I just want you back- Tara: *hits stereo button to play track* MC: PSYCHE BITCH! I don’t want’chu, fuck-a you and your grandma too bitch what the fuck is up- Caleb: ?????

- Caleb: S-say it again. MC: No way José? Caleb: That’s right! WHO is José? MC: Babe it’s just a thing- 6th LI: Andale- Caleb: WHO THE FUCK IS HE-

- (Im so so sorry)

Teacher!Zayne: Pop quiz guys. Greyson: I don’t even know any of the answers- Zayne: Okay, we’ll start with an easy one. Whose wife cheated on them January 22nd? Greyson: Uhm, is it- Zayne: MINE!

- (This how quick some of y’all switched by the way)

Caleb: *holding book in the air* Haha! MC: C’mon give it back! Caleb: First you gotta say my name- MC: Alright, big daddy. Now come on give it b- Caleb: ….my name Cale-

- Sylus: You’ve been in your room all day. Kieran: No earlier I went- Sylus: You’ve been in your room all day. Kieran: …earlier I- Sylus: Don’t talk back.

- MC:Hey grandma- Granny: Can you get in the oven to clean it? MC: …….bye grandma-

- Kid: Ms.Hunter I think there’s a wanderer under my bed. MC: Hun, there’s no wanderer’s under your b- *looks* Wanderer: LONG DICK STYLE- MC: pulling out a gun: Okay, we’re leaving.

- Sylus: RAFAYEL, What, what is this? *holds up belt* Rafayel: That would be a Louis Vuitton belt, Syl- Sylus: Have you lost your mind- this is a Gucci household, gill-boy.

- MC:So you been spying on me? Caleb: I mean I was but I’m not a spy- MC: You know what they call people who spy on people? SPIES Caleb: Oo bars, but look I’m not-

- Sylus: Today’s a good day to get out of the house. Kieran: See I- I can’t fly yet. Sylus: That sounds like a you problem. Kieran: I- I’m yo s- Boss.

- MC: That’s why yo dick little- Caleb: BITCH YOU KNOW MY SHIT DETACHABLE…put the wrong one on, shit-

- Sylus: Bitch I can sing. Rafayel: Bitch sing something. Sylus: *crow caw* Rafayel: Bitch you can’t sing. Sylus: Bitch you’re right, shit-

- Zayne: Do you know where the bathroom is? Caleb: Yeah, go straight down there andsuckadick- Zayne: Pardon? Caleb: I said you gotta go straight down. Zayne: ...alright- Caleb: andIhopeyoudiewhenyougetthere. Then make a left-