#--queer stuff

[misiahasahardname]

splinter is a bisexual man send post

[thankyouforthefunny]

[nedlittle]

for $1 name your favourite fictional lesbian. and no "straight female character popularly fanonized as a lesbian" or "this male character is a lesbian to me" allowed

[earlgraytay]

So the "don't call trans women dude" discourse is back on my dash, and I just read something that might explain why it's such a frustrating argument for everyone involved.

TLDR: There's gender-cultural differences that explain why people are arguing about this- and a reason it hurts trans women more than you might think if you were raised on the other side of the cultural divide.

I'll admit, I used to be very much on team "I won't call you 'dude' if it feels like misgendering, but also I don't really grok why it feels like I'm misgendering you, especially if I'm not addressing you directly." But then I read an academic paper that really unpicked how people used the word 'dude' (it's Kiesling (2004) if you're curious) and I realized that the way I was taught to use the word was different from the way most trans women were taught.

... So the thing about the word 'dude' that's really interesting is that it's used differently a) by people of different genders and b) across gender lines. This study is, obviously, 20 years old, but a lot of the conclusions hold up. The gist is, there's ~5 different ways that people use the word "dude":

marking discourse structure- AKA separating thoughts. You can use the word 'dude' to signal that you're changing the subject or going on a different train of thought.

exclamation. You can use the word "dude" the way you'd use another interjection like "oh my god" or "god damn".

confrontational stance mitigation. When you're getting in an argument with someone, you can address them as 'dude' to de-escalate. If you're both the same gender, it's homosocial bonding. If you're different genders, it's an attempt to weaken the gender-related power dynamic.

marking affiliation and connection. Kiesling calls this 'cool solidarity'- the idea is, "I'm a dude, you're a dude. We're just guys being dudes." This is often a greeting or a form of address (aka directly calling someone dude).

signaling agreement. "Dude, you are soooo right", kind of deal.

Now, here's the important part.

When [cis] men use the word 'dude', they are overwhelmingly using it as a form of address to mark affiliation and connection- "hey, we're all bros here, dude"- to mitigate a confrontational stance, or to signal agreement.

When [cis] women use the word 'dude', they're often commiserating about something bad (and marking affiliation/connection), mitigating a confrontational stance, or giving someone a direct order. (Anecdotally, I'd guess cis women also use it as an exclamation - this is how I most often use it.)

Cis men use the word 'dude' to say 'we're all guys here'. It is a direct form of male bonding. If a cis man uses the word 'dude' in your presence, he is generally calling you one of the guys.

Cis women use the word 'dude' to say 'we're on the same level as you; we're peers'- especially to de-escalate an argument with a cis man. Between women, it's an expression of ~cool solidarity~; when a woman's addressing a man, it's a way to say 'I'm as good as you, knock it off'.

So you've got this cultural difference, depending on how you were raised and where you spent time in your formative years. If you were assigned female at birth, you're probably used to thinking of the word 'dude' as something that isn't a direct form of address- and, if you're addressing it to someone you see as a girl, you're probably thinking of it as 'cool solidarity'! You're not trying to tell the person you're talking to that they're a man- you're trying to convey that they're a cool person that you relate to as a peer.

Meanwhile, if you were assigned male at birth and spent your teens surrounded by cis guys, you're used to thinking of 'dude' as an expression of "we're all guys here", and specifically as homosocial male bonding. Someone using the word 'dude' extensively in your presence, even if they're not calling you 'dude' directly, feels like they're trying to put you in the Man Box, regardless of how they mean it.*

So what you get is this horrible, neverending argument, where everyone's lightly triggered and no one's happy.

The takeaway here: Obviously, don't call people things they don't want to be called, regardless of gender! But no one in this argument is coming to it in bad faith.

If you were raised as a cis woman and you're using the word the way a cis woman is, it is a gender-neutral term for you (with some subconscious gendered connotations you might not have realized). But if you were raised as a cis man and you're using the word the way a cis man uses it, the word dude is inherently gendered.

Don't pick this fight; it's as pointless as a French person and an American person arguing whether cheek kisses are an acceptable greeting. To one person, they might be. To another person, they aren't. Accept that your worldview is different, move on, and again, don't call people things they don't want to be called.

*(There is, of course, also the secret third thing, where someone who is trying to misgender a trans woman uses the word 'dude' to a trans woman the way they'd use it to a man. This absolutely happens. But I think the other dynamic is the reason we keep having this argument.)

[raqualswonderfunblog]

[pharawee]

Marriage Equality Achieved!

Today, January 23, the marriage equality law officially takes effect. Thailand now recognizes the right of all couples, regardless of gender, to legally register their marriage.

At 6.15am, the first couple, 33 year old Ploynapas Jirasukon and 32 year old Kwanporn Kongphet arrived, hand in hand, to register their marriage. Together for 17 years since high school, the Bangkok-based couple radiated joy as they became Thailand’s first officially recognised LGBTQ+ married couple.

Ploynapas shared her excitement, “We’re thrilled to be the first couple to register our marriage. It’s a proud moment, but there’s still more to achieve, like equality in child custody and legal titles.”

Sumalee, 64, and Thanaporn, 59, became the first same-sex couple to register their marriage at Bang Rak today.

Traveling all the way from Phetchabun, they chose Bangkok's "district of love" for this special occasion.

Permsap and Puangphet, the second couple to register their marriage in Pathumwan District, shared that they had waited 17 years for this moment, calling it a meaningful achievement.

Although they could have registered in Pai, they chose Pathumwan to express pride in exercising the same legal rights as other Thais. They wore traditional Tai Yai attire from Mae Hong Son, reflecting one partner's heritage, to make the occasion special.

They described the milestone as a collective success for the LGBTQ+ community, achieved through shared efforts.

They hoped future legal changes would address honorific titles for transgender individuals, ensuring fairness for all. The couple encouraged others to stay determined in the fight for equality, believing that persistence leads to success. They also urged countries without equal marriage laws to continue advocating for change.

Reflecting on a past accident, they shared the difficulties caused by the lack of legal recognition. Despite being together for eight years at the time, one was unable to sign medical consent due to the law, underscoring the need for equal marriage rights.

Source: Thai Enquirer, Thairath & The Thaiger

[ghost-oftheriver]

now seems like a good time to remind my fellow alt kids out there that you do NOT wear your political patches on your back.

wear them on the front. that way if someone disagrees and decides to get violent about it, they’re less likely to sneak up on you and catch you off-guard. stay safe.

[local-queer-classicist]

WAKE UP BITCHES THEY FOUND NEW EURIPIDES FRAGMENTS

98 LINES, 80% COMPLETELY NEW MATERIAL

[my-castles-crumbling]

Tbh my favorite part of pride month is saying “AND DURING PRIDE MONTH TOO?” at every slight inconvenience.

[darlingofdots]

it really is all of us or bust btw. we cannot accept conditional acceptance of queer people, we cannot accept the exclusion of some in exchange for inclusion of others, it's all of us or nothing and we have to be so fucking clear about that. don't let conservatives or terfs or twitter discourse convince you that there's any other option. don't let them get away with it. we're all going to fucking make it and we're not leaving anybody behind

[incognitopolls]

This isn't asking if you're out or if you discuss your identity– more like if you were at the grocery store, would someone shopping nearby be able to tell you're queer without you saying so?

–

We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.

[nondelphic]

how to outline a story:

write a bullet point list of everything that happens

realize it doesn’t make sense

cry

start writing anyway

[haberdashing]

specific parameters:

when exactly your teenage self gets this information is up to you, so long as they're your teenage self at the time.

your teenage self will learn the message and that it comes from you, their future self.

if it's something objectively true/false, they'll know it's true; if it's more subjective, they'll know you believe it's true based on your knowledge of the future; if it's advice, they'll know it's given in good faith based on your future life.

you need to decide NOW. no looking things up beforehand. (no sharing the winning lottery numbers unless you happen to have some memorized!)

you can combine things if they're really just parts of one big statement. so "You're genderfluid and your name is Adrian" is fine, but "move to California and invest in Facebook" isn't.

if your statement fits multiple categories, pick the one you think is the best overall fit.

[somethingmissingthiswaycomes]

Not everyone who is a woman is a non-man, and not everyone who is a man is a non-woman. Some people's genders aren't non-anything. Sit on that and nurture it and let it hatch and grow up to be a healthy worldview love and peace on planet earth

[transmechanicus]

This summer all dykes please remember that a black tank top and olive green shorts is a 10/10 look and if a voice in your head tells you that you don’t have the body for it please know that this voice is a wretched tasteless liar and you will look so handsome gorgeous adorable amazing and that’s my pride month promise~🖤