#Bruce will never live this down

[bats-and-the-birds]

In situations and headcanons and such where Bruce doesn't tell the justice league his identity, I feel like one of the most often cited reasons is that they'd then immediately connect all of his many waves of increasingly smaller vigilantes back to him.

But I'd like to think it doesn't happen like that.

Like, at some point, Nightwing has been on the team for years, and somehow, no one that didn't already know him as Robin has connected him back to Batman, but of course both Bruce and Dick think they know, because they have to, right?

But then Bruce's identity gets revealed while Dick's off world or something, but he gets filled in, so he assumes that his identity is blown too, right? Of course, once you know Batman is Bruce Wayne, it'd be easy to put together that Dick Grayson is Nightwing.

So then Bruce and Dick have to rush to the watchtower from some sort of Wayne family event one day, but there's no real need to put on their costumes yet, because the league already knows their identities.

Until...

Green Lantern, watching a young man that he's only ever seen through gossip magazines fiddle around in the watchtower: Hey, Bru-Batman, I know we found out your identity and all, but do you really think it's a good idea to bring your children into this? I mean, what if he gets hurt?

Dick, incredulous: You... you do know who I am, right?

GL: It's hard to not know who you are. I saw you on a magazine cover just the other day.

-long pause-

Dick: Bruce, when you used to complain that you work with idiots, I thought you were exaggerating.

-general sounds of outrage from the JL-

[hailsatanacab]

A Persuasive Argument - dpxdc

"Great!" Danny says, clapping his hands together to get everyone's attention. The dinner table falls silent as everyone looks towards him. It's a full house today and, honestly, Danny's a little nervous. "I'm sure you're all wondering why I gathered you here today."

"It's dinnertime. In our house." Duke mutters, while doing a very bad job of concealing his yawn. He holds his fork poised over the braised beef, but, just like everyone else, still looks towards Danny before tucking in. It's intriguing enough to wait.

"Yeah, no one misses Alfie's dinner." Dick says, with a brilliant smile that Danny can't help but return.

"Precisely! What better time to talk to you all than when you're all actually here!"

"Wait, I thought you came round to work on our English essays?" Tim asks, blinking owlishly.

"I'm afraid I've lured you here under false pretences, Tim."

"This is where I live."

"I would still really appreciate help on that essay though, I mean, what the hell is Hamlet even about? I just don't get that old time-y language, like 'Hark! A ghost hath killed me!' - absolute rubbish, what does that even mean?"

"The ghost never kills anyone in Hamlet, he's there to tell Hamlet that he was murdered. Have you actually read it?"

"No, but it sounds like you have. Tim, I want this guy to help me with my essay instead. I know for a fact that you haven't read Hamlet, either."

"So? We don't need Jason, I've read the Sparknotes."

"Hi Jason, I'm Danny, pleasure to meet you, summarise Hamlet in three sentences or less."

"Am I auditioning to help you write your essays? I can't believe you’ve gone through your whole school life without reading it, it’s good!"

"Hamlet, along with a number of other classics, was banned in our house because it portrayed ghosts as intelligent and sympathetic beings rather than evil, animalistic beasts. I didn’t even get to see The Muppet's Christmas Carol until last year with Tim! It was surprisingly good, and I hate Christmas because everyone always argued and it sucked. But we're getting off topic. I—"

"No, no, please go back to that, because what the fu—"

"Boys, please." Bruce interrupts, looking to the world as if he wants to hang his head in his hands. "Danny, you were about to say something?"

"Oh, yeah, Mr. Wayne! Thanks!"

"Please, call me Bruce."

"Well, that very succinctly brings me to my point, because I'd actually really like to call you dad."

Nobody says a word. Nobody even blinks, all as shocked as the other, watching open-mouthed as Danny pulls his laptop out from beside his chair. Bruce can definitely feel a headache coming on.

"Before you say anything, I've prepared a 69 slide PowerPoint presentation on why you, Bruce Wayne, should adopt me, Danny Last-Name-Pending. Please save your questions, comments, and verdict until the end, thank you."

[nerdpoe]

Danny has too much on his plate to care about anything past paperwork and schoolwork, so he shoves the weird shit onto Tucker and Sam.

And Tucker and Sam, upon realizing that Danny can be summoned at any time, decide to fuck around.

Now, if anyone wants to summon the High King of the Infinite Realms, they have to say the entire chant in UwU.

But if they're doing it on a Thursday, it has to be in OwO.

BUT if they're doing it on the fifteeth of any month it has to be in pig latin.

If the Fifteen falls on a Thursday, pig latin in esperanto.

If the fifteenth falls on a Wednesday, then it has to be in interpretive dance.

The offerings are the following;

Monday; Pot Roast

Tuesday; case of soda

Wednesday; $30,000

Thursday; Pizza coupons

Friday; cheese

Saturday; cars

Sunday; the most up to date hand built computer

if any of these days is the fifteenth, the offering must be one of the ones mentioned above and also some cool bones.

All offerings must be performed in the ceremonial garb of dressing up as a being from another wor-cosplay. it's fucking cosplay.

As far as Sam and Tucker are concerned, job done. It's so weirdly specific and offputting that no one will summon Danny.

Danny, on the other hand, manages to get summoned by some weird blond guy speaking in OwO, dressed as a catgirl from some anime, in a circle made of pizza coupons.

The cosplayers look just as shocked to see him.

Meanwhile, Bruce is getting frantic calls from Tim that GothCon (some Anime Convention held in Gotham every year) is currently playing host to some sort of interdimensional being.

[raeofgayshine]

Bruce Wayne, drunk and full on Brucie mood in the middle of a gala: You know, that accent doesn’t really fit in around here. It’s cute. Where are you from?

Clark, internally debating every life choice that led him to this moment: I’m from Smallville. Kansas.

Bruce, leaning closer to Clark with a flirty smile: Oh you’re cute and funny. You know, I like that in a man.

Clark, very confused but trying to just go along with it: Thank you??

Bruce: I mean, everyone knows that Kansas isn’t real but I do always enjoy a good laugh.

Clark: What.

Bruce: What? Everyone knows that Kansas was made up for Wizard of Oz.

Clark, unsure if Bruce is fucking with him or if he’s just really deep into this dumb act: Bruce, Kansas is a real place. It’s one of the 50 states that make up America.

Bruce, tilting his head a little confused: There’s 50 states? Since when?

[allthegothihopgirls]

i think it would have been funny if tim, after discovering his bisexuality and thinking that was the 'unique feature' he brought to his iteration of robin, mentioned this to the rest of batfam, only to find out they've all been some degree of queer this whole time.

[ghost-bxrd]

read your ask about how the batfam would react to learning that someone stole jason's coat during a gala and for two secs it didn't register whose asks i was reading that i just went "i mean why would they even care? i mean sure, it's shitty but shit happens, unless it was designer? but bruce is a billionaire why would they- ooooh right"

felt like i should share

Lmaooo I can totally see that happen to one of the bats tho.

Jason is just unconsolable, blubbering about his coat missing, and Bruce absently remarking they can just buy a new one. It’s fine. Before his brain catches up to what Jason is actually saying and then it’s just— PANIC™️ 😭😂

[theofficialdailyplanet]

i hc bruce being short as all hell and damien pissed at him forever he's the only bat son that never grew to hit 6ft

[hyperfixatinator]

You know how some people may accidentally use their customer service voice when they're not even at work? Like it's just force of habit?

It's probably been done before, but imagine Batman accidentally answering a call from a Justice League member with his Brucie Voice™

[basementloser]

i want the riddler (or perhaps a new villain) to leave clues to solve his latest crime (like hostages or planting a bomb or smth) in fanfiction. just so bruce has to read his way through a shitload of batman x bruce wayne sugar daddy fanfiction to solve the case.

[trickostars]

clark and bruce starting to go out and clark realises he's feeling weaker than usual around him and feels hurt when he concludes bruce has upped the kryptonite supply in his suit since they've got closer. he tells bruce he's hurt by this only for bruce to tell him he got rid of the kryptonite supply in his suit years ago.

"b-but all these years, this weakness I've felt around you what-"

"what does it feel like?"

"well I get very warm, my stomach turns in circles and i get so shakey and nervous that I stumble over my words and i- oh"

"very adorable, clark"

"never thought i'd say this to you of all people, but wipe that stupid grin off your face, bruce!"

[dawnquafam]

If Arthur took Orm to meet the team

[thedeadthree]

— TAG GAME.

TAGGED BY the dear @marivenah and @leviiackrman to answer a few questions! ty ty so much love!

TAGGING: @feystepped, @griffin-wood, @jendoe, @kingsroad, @chuckhansen, @risingsh0t, @queennymeria, @denerims, @phillipsgraves, @jillvlntine, @morvaris, @aartyom, @minaharkers, @unholymilf, @leviiackrman, @jacobseed, @arklay, @corvosattano, @jackiesarch, @malefiicarum, @pearlcscent, @shellibisshe, @weisshaupts, @shadowglens, @leondaltons, @adelaidedrubman, @florbelles, @belorage, @confidentandgood, @girlbosselrond, @thee-morrigan, @rosebarsoap, @fragilestorm, @lacunafiction, @noonfaerie and you!

THREE SHIPS: inspired by mari <3!

THREE CANON SHIPS: geralt x yennefer, corlys velaryon x rhaenys targaryen, and arianne martell x daemon sand!

THREE OC SHIPS: iovanna dayne x daemon targaryen, edelgard vanderweyden x reese verner, maekar targaryen x aeryal arvel (carolines dear!)

THREE MUTUALS SHIPS: mo @kingsroad's alyse x aegon (they mean the world to me!), ash @unholymilf's iconic varya x roman (forever the moment!), airika @chuckhansen's nina x adam (the loveliest! they're dear to me!)

FIRST SHIP: oo ok ok i want to say my first ship was I think? rajaion and ena from fire emblem path of radiance? that or? selina kyle/catwoman and bruce wayne!

CURRENTLY CONSUMING: an iced coffee ajanjnsk bc i am a responsible adult <3.

CURRENTLY WATCHING: my 3829838th rewatch of house of the dragon <3 am i surprised? nay nay! its not at all for oc lore! (leg says like a liar jnjanj <3)

LAST MOVIE: the batman! <3 and one i recently adored seeing was bullet train as well! (ty ty orion and ash for introducing me bc of ur ocs u dears u!)

LAST SONG: its been stuck in my head all week! the fruits by paris paloma <3

CURRENTLY READING: rereading fernweh saga by the dear aelsa! and fire and blood by george rr martin <3 (leg once again says its bc they want know more of what’s in store for the characters and not for oc lore at all like a liar <3)

CURRENTLY CRAVING: my mom is making sauce so i have pasta on the brain <3

[ohmyfairies]

Gothamites to anyone outside of Gotham: fuck Superman obviously Batman is the better hero

Gothamites to other Gothamites: so Batman did save my life like 4 times this year but he also beat the shit out of my cousin Larry and threw him in Blackgate so now Green Lantern is my favourite hero

[glassdecanters]

dick grayson is a melanie martinez fan.

[vampiregokudera]

Day 11 of limetober - Psychological

"I heard Batman is actually made of bats and also crawls on walls and has spindly freaky fingers and horns. You can trust me, my cousin got beat up by him once."

They trade in fear, ya know? :D

Meanwhile the batkids are listening in and mercilessly teasing Bruce, because earlier that day he completely seriously asked Damian what a blorbo is.

Bruce is not having a good time.

[emin-folly]

OK so, this isn’t going to make much sense if you don’t read the comics. Basically, at one point, Batman gained a metahuman ability to heal himself (and thus, half of the DC universe is ready to tear him a new one after all the crap they took from Bruce lol) Now, Bruce has been banned from his own city....because of his own rule xD I know Jason’s helmet doesn’t look like a bucket, I just thought it’d be funny~