#HEALTHY MASCULINITY

[nobigneil]

"That was hysterical. Your masculinity is so fragile that MY nail polish upsets you? That's why I wear it all the time now." - Neil "not a therapist" Newbon

from Kal via @ CheekyLilPupp on twitter

[arielthedaydreamer]

I don't know who needs to hear this, but: If you're a man -whether you've been one all your life or just recently started to notice within yourself the need to become one- that's enough.

You don't have to pass a test, there is no quiz, you don't have to check a minimum amount of gender role boxes. No one can tell you HOW to be a man. It doesn't matter how you look or how your body looks, how you talk, how you act, how you behave, what your sexuality is. You don't even have to fit in with the other guys. If being a man feels right for you, you can say "This is me and I'm a man".

The gender police will never knock on your door. Your gender is your own business and no one else's. No one can tell you what a man can or can't do. There is no wrong way to be a man. Be the kind of man you want to be, the kind that sparks joy. You can do it, bro. I believe in you.

[so1987]

i wish every teenage boy who’s insecure about their weight, their body, or their skin a very love themselves.

[femininedating]

POV: You married a generous, gentle, provider man

[sillysoliloquyshits]

I watched a few movie reviews on Nezha 2 and one of them on two white guys (iirc) doing a podcast on their surface thoughts on the movie kinda threw me off as one of them said 'one thing that was off-putting to me was a lot of onscreen crying' or something like that. Which is super off-putting to me actually.

I mean what do you mean? Your little brother or mother or wife just died in front of your eyes what do you mean you should not cry and it's not a natural response? Ao Bing cried into his dad at the start as he felt so awful for letting his dad down and his buddy nearly died if he didn't intervene. Ne Zha cried so hard when he saw his parents again because he really thought they were gone. Both kids are three years old for the love of God. And Shen Gong Bao is a literal family man he has a soft spot for his little brother of course when he died trying to escape he had to cry so much and to be honest, I've watched videos of how the animation team spent a long time animating and planning the crying scene for him to ensure it's perfect. The creative team has spent so long to ensure every detail to actually ensure the whole story and every shot and scene will have a lasting emotional impact to touch the audience.

And another thing that's also respectable is how the team and the story in general is very committed to fleshing out the characters and ensuring they are all very relevant to the plot and have their own personal stories in a sequel, which is not often seen nowadays given how hard it is to make a better sequel (but that's another story and post I digress, but anyway-)

What I'm trying to say is that we all need more stories of boys openly crying. The only other movies off the top of my head I can think that has boys openly crying are maybe Coco, or Luca and maybe HTTYD, and I feel Nezha 2 has done a great job in showing the different sides of healthy masculinity, in how it's okay for boys to ugly cry and for dads to be tough on the exterior while also being very caring and gentle to their own sons, and for close brotherhood bonds being a soft side of characters. And it also dispels a stereotype in how Asians are often stoic and not as emotional as westerners, as while a lot of Chinese and Asians are quite stoic, there are plenty of people who see themselves in Ao Bing and Ne Zha and etc.

And I also saw a post earlier on how Ne Zha and Ao Bing defy societal rules and societal expectations respectively, with Ao Bing doing so by being outwardly feminine in looks and being elegant while precise and aggressive in his attacks and still being able to be confident in his self, while Ne Zha has been insecure in his own looks until the end. And personally I feel the movie is a great place for kids and boys especially to learn that masculinity can be anything they can define, like how one can be more confident like Ao Bing even when he's not traditionally masculine, while knowing it's okay to be insecure and that they can overcome judgements in society.

And with their friendship and loyalty to each other (and possibly *cough* *gay* *it's ok if you don't ship them*), it also teaches boys that male friendships can be very close knit where they can be vulnerable to one another, like how Nezha soon learnt to be vulnerable around Ao Bing and how Ao Bing learnt to follow his heart through Ne Zha's influence. Boys can learn from one another and become emotionally stronger together like it's not just a girls thing yay-

So yeah this is another long ramble but tldr again:

Nezha 2 is a fantastic movie on healthy masculinity and we need more movies like this for boys especially to learn that expressing strong emotions are very healthy and essential in being a person. And we need to punch toxic masculinity to death the way Lu Tong and He Tong did at the end to the bald bitch so-

[happysharkintensifies]

Booktok makes me sick, not just because of all the shitty books. It's the prevalence, no, the celebration, of toxic masculinity. Every single booktok book features some variation on the same man. And without fail, against all sensible reason, these characters are portrayed as handsome and charismatic and desirable.

It makes me sick when these authors hold up these toxic, predatory traits and put them on a pedestal as some kind of Ideal Man.

It makes me sick when their aggressiveness and possessiveness is treated as romantic. It makes me sick when these shitty men forcibly grab women, invade their personal spaces, and render them helpless by 'purring' in their ears, every. single. fucking. time.

It makes me sick that these misogynistic, heteronormative, and hypermasculine social conventions keep appearing in so-called feminist literature.

Strip away the idealized elements and you have what is basically the rich, white, cishet, alpha-male archetype. He's tall, usually six feet, physically fit and muscular with obligatory six pack abs, and conventionally handsome, with a chiseled jawline. He's usually clean-shaven, and any hair he may have on his body is minimal. He maintains composure at all times and rarely shows anxiety or uncertainty. He exudes raw charisma and charm and navigates social spaces effortlessly.

His hobbies, if he has any, are stereotypically masculine. When it comes to sex, he's confident, skilled, exclusively dominant, and always knows what to do without communicating with his partner. The sex he enjoys is usually rough, animalistic and overpowering. He may have been with several women in the past, and he may be regarded as a sex god, both in-universe and out.

His toxic traits are rarely portrayed as negative. But when they are, they're usually held up as some edgy, anti-hero persona and the reader is inevitably manipulated into sympathizing with him. He'll be portrayed as a tortured, wounded animal, and his female love interest (and, by proxy, the reader) will decide on some variation of 'I can fix him'.

He is essentially the unrealistic standard the ideal Proper Man; the one that men are expected to emulate, and that women are expected to swoon over.

But what really irks me is the lost potential.

If there are men who don't fit into this mold, they are depicted as pathetic, ineffectual, or any number of negative traits.

The narrative quietly and passive-aggressively mocks them and portray them as boring and un-sexy.

After all, is this the kind of man who will bravely swoop in and sweep a helpless woman off her feet? Of course not. Such men are boys. Wimps. Cowards.

These books are supposed to be fantasy: a genre in which easily anything can be explored. If faeries, magic, and contrived mating bonds can exist, then why can't we also have male characters who exist outside the stereotypical, hypermasculine mold?

Why is it that we can have so many fantastical, impossible, and wondrous magical forces, creatures, and peoples, but we can't have men who aren't possessive, abusive, or controlling?

Why is it that male characters, have to be so innately dominant, abusive, and violent? Why do they have to be so fit and muscular and strong?

Even worse, why is it treated as something that is so natural, so inescapable, even in the realm of fiction?

Where are the men who aren't tall and fit? Where are the men who don't have sculpted abs or chiseled jawlines? Where are the men who aren't lean and muscular?

Why can’t we have men who are skinny or overweight? Why can't we have men who aren't handsome or attractive, but just average looking? Why can't we have men who are shorter or just average height?

Why can't we have men with non-stereotypical hobbies? Why can't we have men who love to read, or paint, or write, or sing, or dance, or build model kits?

Why can’t we have men who are timid and shy? Why can't we have men who feel anxiety, fear, and sadness? Why can't we have men who aren't afraid of crying openly?

Why can't we have men who aren't sex gods? Why can't we have men who aren't confident in bed? Who are anxious, or even scared, at the prospect of sex? Who are passive instead of dominant? Who want to experience intimacy and affection?

Why can’t we have men be kind and gentle and sweet for once?

I'll tell you why we can't. Because booktok says men like these are not 'man' enough. Booktok says men like these are the 'boring' option, and completely devoid of interesting quirks, traits or personality. Booktok says men like these are underserving of attention, and only fit to be background noise.

As far as booktok is concerned, men like these can't exist.

[mywordstovictor]

It’s just a little bit soul crushing when I come across trans men talking about how much they hate men. Apologizing for being one. Like ‘haha I guess I’m a trans man yep that means I, as a man, suck, just like all other men haha feel free to vent your frustrations about the patriarchy at me. I can’t help being a man I hate men why would I choose to be one?’

I remember being there. Hating the gender you belong to is exhausting. It’s worth deconstructing I promise, even just for your wellbeing. Here’s a start:

Manhood isn’t inherently tied to misogyny and violence. Misogyny and violence are choices. Just choices that men are disproportionately conditioned into making. Men can and do rewrite that conditioning all the time. Manhood isn’t the problem. The problems are misogyny and violence. You’re not a bad feminist because you let go of the hate you have for the manness of yourself. Your manness doesn’t make you violent or misogynistic, being violent and misogynistic make you violent and misogynistic make you violent and misogynistic. Testosterone HRT doesn’t turn you into the archetype of male violence. Testosterone isn’t the driving force of misogyny and violence. Do you understand what I’m saying? Misogyny and violence are not inherent and inescapable to anyone, regardless of identity. Being a man doesn’t make you evil.

Treating misogyny and violence as inherent to manhood excuses men for being violent and misogynistic. Accountability is real hard when you consider doing bad things a fundamental nature tied to an identity. If men are sexist, can you blame this man for being sexist? That’s just how men are. Do you see how this is boys will be boys hidden behind a couple layers of pseudo feminism?

I spent years dancing around manhood because I believed the second I labeled myself a man I was the enemy. The number of ways I found to describe my masculine identity that weren’t man. The number of times hearing ‘at least you’re not a man’ set me back. The number of times I came so close to manhood, but ran into an explicitly trans inclusive ‘I hate men’.

I think the best word for how manhood feels to me is settled. Being a man feels like home. Masculinity feels so gentle, in a big ol’ teddy bear sort of way. Growing a beard and letting your little cousin stick flowers in it. Making sure none of my students think it’s okay to make fun of the kid who cries a lot. Answering ‘boys don’t cry’ with ‘I’m a boy, and I cry every single time a dog in a movie is sad’. I want to be so kind. I want to be the man someone chooses to start working on their dog’s fear of men with. I want to be trusted to watch a drink and to walk with people to their cars at night. I want them to find a cure for cat allergies so I can get that patting-tiny-animal-with-hairy-hands gender euphoria without eye irritation. Cardigans and top surgery scars. Wrinkled hands injecting testosterone. My dream life closes on sweet if eccentric old man.

I may have tangented a bit, but just… you don’t have to hate the man part of you. It doesn’t do any good. It’s not a moral responsibility. You can let that go because ‘man’ is just a gender. It isn’t a fundamental evil that exists deep within your being. The only evil masculine urge I’ve ever felt is the desire to wear athletic shorts in the middle of November. You’re not doing anything wrong by existing as a man I swear.

[melisssg99]

Happy June!

Men's mental health awareness month!

You're not alone 🩵

[thatgentlewife]

Men who protect 💓💓💓💓

[creature-wizard]

Positive masculinity: Healthy things for guys to find fulfillment in!

Helping your community however you can!

Giving your friends and loved ones support when they need it, whether it's emotional support or helping them with tasks.

Letting all manner of bigots know that their behavior is inappropriate and won't be tolerated.

Learning and education! Develop your critical thinking and information literacy skills (resources over here!), and help others do the same. Study some topics that interest you!

Making things! If you haven't already, try and learn how to build or create something, or how to make some kind of art.

Growing things! You might learn how to garden or grow plants indoors.

Keeping pets! Whether it's a cat, dog, or an isopod terrarium, keeping pets can be very good for your mental health!

(If you haven't seen it already, I recommend checking out my post Actionable suggestions for guys who want to stop other guys from getting sucked into the far right!)

[intersexfairy]

healthy masculinity exists and it's beautiful. i love when men are able to open about their emotions. i love when men cuddle together. i love when men are confident in their gender and know in their heart that nothing can make them any less of a man. i love when they do "traditionally masculine" things because it's what makes them happy, not because they feel like they have no choice.

and i love when this healthy masculinity is shared with others. i love when a man's vulnerability gives others the chance to be vulnerable too. i love when men become hair stylists and make-up artists, giving others the joy of self expression. i love when fathers teach their sons to be caring and gentle, and allow them to engage in "traditionally feminine" things. i love when men are able to be the representation they needed to see, and find comfort in how just their existence helps others.

i love when men are truly happy - especially marginalized men. there is so much joy in manhood and masculinity - people just need to be allowed to experience it.

[andys-dc-headcanons]

As a Guy, one of my favorite parts of Superman is how he flies in the face of toxic masculinity. This is a man who was more than willing to give up his powers to lead a normal life. (I love how the first episode of MAWS portrays him, a man wanting a normal life but of course he has to use his powers to help the cat). But its beyond having the powers of a god and leading a normal life. Clark is someone who will be downright emotional and open with people, he knows that while a stoic hero can help, sometimes people need that emotion. He's also so nonviolent when he can be. Ideal world, he could de-escalate any situation with minimal violence.

I also think driving this home are some of his main villains. Characters like Zod, Darkseid and Luthor all really want control. They represent the problems with power and masculinity, people who find the value in doing whatever they can to succeed in the world, and not accepting the idea of simply being kind and having friends as a success. I specifically think of the episode in the recent MAWS episode with Brainiac where he talks about how his kindness and love doesnt make him weak, it makes him human

[asm5129]

I know this is NOT a popular take in the RWBY FNDM but y’all…I love Jaune Arc. He’s such a refreshing, interesting male character.

He’s Ruby’s best friend, and the two of them parallel each other in such FASCINATING ways. I’m planning a full video essay on this but as some examples:

1) They both have hero complexes, obviously.

2) Ruby is a prodigy who earns her place at beacon two years early, while Jaune cheated his way in and needs to work constantly outside of his school training to be anywhere near capable of huntsmen level combat

3) Jaune’s pain is loud and disruptive, Ruby’s pain is quiet and suppressed (examining their respective expressions of pain through the lens of gender expectations is REALLY interesting)

4) Ruby inherits silver eyes, an invaluable tool in fighting Grimm. Jaune inherited a regular sword, heavily outclassed by most of his peers.

5) Ruby made her weapon but modeled it after her mentor, Jaune had a hand-me-down

6) Ruby leads by developing plans and taking action, Jaune leads by supporting his team and bolstering their strengths with his own.

I’m sure there’s more too but those parallels are why their conflicts in vol 9 work so well for me, they are partners in narrative from literally the second episode.

I also just adore the commentary on masculinity with Jaune. From day one he was deconstructing traditional ideas of masculinity and patriarchal concepts of heroism.

The way he has to learn to reject so many of the things that blockbusters with men at the center have been pushing for decades is fantastic. He tried to pursue revenge like John Wick or Iron Man and it went HORRIBLY.

He can fight when necessary but it’s not where his true strength lies and that’s SO COOL for a male character.

I dunno y’all I just think he doesn’t deserve the hate. He doesn’t butt in on other stories nearly as much as people claim—in terms of Ruby, he actually serves her story quite a bit—and he is a character worth following in and of himself.

[hold-fast-and-rise]

[femininedating]

With a masculine man you don't have to work hard. You can relax and let him do the heavy lifting. ♡

[claireywestside]

Men Of Middle Earth

The beacons of healthy masculinity are lit!

Name three six men you’d feel safe to be alone with.