#I don’t want to discourage you from using terms that help you understand your experience

[321sluggie]

Hey, considering the majority of people use “transandrophobia” to mean either 1) any transphobia specifically against transmascs or 2) the intersection of transphobia and misogyny that affects transmascs, I would really reconsider your thoughts on it in light of your sexism/pedophilia post

Ok

[ariesmoontarot]

♡Come into the Light♡

This reading is to help you gain clarity on what you aren't seeing, understanding, or accepting.

𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘗𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘴:

𝘊𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘏𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘛𝘰 𝘉𝘰𝘰𝘬:

𝘗𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘖𝘯𝘦:

Hey pile one. What you aren’t seeing right now is that things are a bit unstable and you are feeling insecure about your relationships and family life because of a lack of financial support or stability. I see that you are feeling unaccomplished and like you do not have enough of what it takes in some way. Some of you could be feeling insecure about many things. I feel like there is someone who is creative, rational, and idealistic about their endeavors and what they set their mind to and they are someone who is going to help you overcome what you are feeling right now. You might be feeling scared to take action or make any decisions because of your fears and I feel like being impulsive and risky isn’t the way to go about things at this time. If you’ve been feeling very possessive or holding onto control in some way, I feel like the best thing to do is let go and surrender to change. Accept things for what they are in this moment and only focus on what you can control, especially financially & romantically. Be patient and perseverant at this time. I feel like whatever imbalance and instability you are dealing with is only temporary and is going to soon be restored. Learning from your past decisions and choices is going to help you navigate your way making decisions moving forward and you are aware that these old, impulsive, immature ways of doing things isn’t the way to do them forever. I feel like you may be in fear of taking any action or making serious decisions in a situation because of the past, and it’s leaving you feeling indecisive. I see that you’re second guessing your thoughts because things did not go as well before, so you’re trying to listen deeply to how you feel. You are healing from betrayal and a heavy feeling of disappointment for others of you. I feel like listening to others peoples ideas and opinions may help you gain some hindsight over your feelings. You are feeling a little apathetic and unhappy because of secrets or painful realizations you may have had and I feel like you aren’t seeing how your attitude is affecting opportunities you have in this very moment. Things are moving gradually at their own pace and it’s the type of progress that lasts long term. I feel like you are having a hard time seeing how things actually are progressing, I see that it’s because it’s happening in energy first, beneath the surface of what you can physically see. You have to allow yourself to feel open and optimistic. Allow new feelings to flow through you instead of focusing on disappointment and sadness. You are not a failure, and your relationships and goals aren’t going to be the way that they were forever. It’s all about your perception and how you choose to see things, especially when they seem challenging. Ask yourself if the challenge or situation that’s happened is actually negative or if there can be a positive result. Ask yourself if you can find a way to turn the situation into something you can use as fuel and motivation, instead of discouragement. I feel like what you’ve been trying to build and invest your time and energy in is going to pay off soon enough. You may not see it in this moment but it’s happening. Allow yourself to let go of any fear and negative emotions that are weighing you down and keeping you in an unhappy place. You don’t have to be sad forever. You can let go of control and allow things to flow more freely. Allow yourself to be happy even when you feel like you don’t have all the things you want. I feel like for a lot of you, there is a relationship you really want to work out and emotional immaturity is getting in the way of you being able to fully open up and feel confident in this connection. I feel like you’re feeling discouragement because of pain you’ve experienced in terms of love. The best thing to do right now is to keep focusing on moving forward mentally. You don’t have to replay the past in your mind. If you’re focusing on positive things, this will create feelings of optimism and joy rather than wanting to just sit and sulk in your sadness.

Positive things are happening for you, but you have to trust that they are. It is safe to love and be yourself. It may take you time to open up, but trying makes the biggest difference. I feel like the love and joy is going to be reciprocated. Even when you least expect it to be. I also see that in your career positive changes are coming and already happening in this moment. Try to approach things with more excitement and enthusiasm.

𝘗𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘛𝘸𝘰:

Hey pile two. I feel like you want to walk away from something you feel like isn't serving you anymore. You could feel happiness exists elsewhere or that you just aren't happy in this situation. I feel like right now you feel tired and not wanting to fight for what you want anymore. It's this energy of you just giving up and maybe even being a bit non-compliant. I feel like this is because you are holding onto past experiences. Maybe you're feeling stuck in the past, overthinking, and having a hard time moving on from what happened. I feel like there is a truth that was revealed to you a while back and it's something you are still holding onto in this moment. I see you are trying to balance out your energy with more productive things, but it's been difficult for you. You've been pushed to have patience, and I feel like that is good for you right now. Especially because you're working through things you are having a hard time with leaving in the past. There is no need to rush. I see an opportunity is presenting itself to you and this is something you've been wanting for a long time. I feel like this is what you're ready to walk away from, but just when you feel like giving up, I see something happening unexpectedly for you. I feel like for a lot of you, you've been overwhelmed by things that are outside of your control and I feel like an important message for you is to be brave. Have confidence and face these hard times head on. Try your best not to be pessimistic and unenthusiastic. I feel like self-criticism and self-doubt holds you back from growing in the way that you know you need to. Maybe even other people's opinions and what they've done or said to you has gotten the best of you as well. Try your best to block these negative things out and use it to better yourself instead. It's always easier said than done, but you need more compassion towards yourself. Love and nurture you in the ways you love and care for others. For those of you who have been wanting a long-term relationship with someone who is genuine and not super high maintenance, I see this coming in for you. You may love the simple things and being able to just be real with someone and all that materialistic, superficial stuff does not serve you. I feel like some of you met someone unexpectedly and you never knew things would ever go the way they did with them. You may have not even expected to feel as deeply as you do towards them, but you do. Things are a bit of a mystery for you right now, but you are going to be seeing much clearer very soon.

𝘗𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘛𝘩𝘳𝘦𝘦:

Hello pile three! I see multiple people in your energy. I feel like you're carrying this burden right now that feels overwhelming and it could be responsibilities, feelings, literally other people's energy, or whatever could be draining you right now. I see you've been dealing with some trouble in relationships (familial, platonic, romantic), finances, or in terms of your career and work. I feel like you've expressed how overwhelmed and exhausted you are to someone you trust; however, you still feel burnt out. I feel like you're letting go of bad habits, addictions, fears, and anything that keeps you in an egotistical energy. Things feel stagnant and a bit hard to understand right now because there are so many things clouding your perception you don't really know what is good and what isn't or what's temporary or long term. Especially in terms of love and friendships. I feel like you have options or multiple people you are feeling for, and you don't really understand your feelings for them or what they mean. I feel like right now you're just in a phase of your life where you're still figuring out what you need and what's best for you, so of course there are going to be many options and things to choose from generally speaking. Right now, isn't necessarily the time to act on any impulses or emotions. I feel like some of you have been trying to escape your feelings and you may be feeling all over the place emotionally. There is something you are trying to ignore emotionally, and it obviously does not feel good. It could literally be what's draining you. You could be giving time and energy to people who don't benefit you and you know it's time to change, but you ignore it. I feel like this attitude and way of living is not going to benefit you in any way. It could be that you're in your ego and pride is blocking you from accepting how you feel and not resisting it anymore. I feel like you resist it by continuing to do things in order to distract yourself, instead of actually facing it. You have been hurt many times, but you cannot control how you feel by avoiding it. You can only control the way you perceive things, who you allow to influence you, and the decisions you make. Maybe spend time alone, not allowing others to interfere with your growth. You don't have to give yourself to everyone who comes to you. Set emotional boundaries with yourself and others. Things are hard right now, but they won't be forever, this is only temporary. You are not obligated to be there for everyone, even if you love them. Loving can sometimes become detrimental to our own health in draining situations. At times we may feel like our love ties us to a specific thing or person, but be aware that it does not. We must be selective and wise when it comes to who what really invest our time and energy in. Things are going to get better when you allow them to. Have faith and trust that no matter who or what you let go of, life is going to get better. Even if you feel like it could never ever get better for you, it will!!

[arcadekitten]

Talking about mareggie, my boundaries, and similar things!

Since this seems to be a persistant and at times prevalent issue within my ask box, it seems like a good idea to make a post addressing the questions and concerns brought up to me regarding these. I hope this will help clear up any confusion and also allow me to refer back to it whenever these questions/concerns reappear. Eventually this will be added to my FAQ when I am able to, but for now this post will have to suffice in the meantime!

---

“I don’t like mareggie or any dynamic involving stalking / obsession and it makes me uncomfortable!” A) Completely alright of you to be uncomfortable, I understand. I try to be inclusive of peoples traumas and put in general warnings in my games of these aforementioned themes. However I do ask you understand that as an autistic individual my special interest lies in the complicated dynamics of my ocs--particularly mareggie being my main special interest of nearly a decade--so my games are going to continue to have these themes regardless if you’re comfortable by them or not. If you know these themes will hurt you, please disengage, block, and curate your online experience. While I’m grateful for everyone’s continued support, I make games that I personally want to put into the world. Please be mindful of this and use your best judgement when interacting with not just my work, but every media you find.

“If you’re alright with stalking and obsessive dynamics then why aren’t you okay with fans of your games making fan content with other dark themes such as incest and pedophilia?” A) My general rule is if I don’t cover a particular dark theme in my own game I wouldn’t want to see anyone in the wild using those themes with my own creations. Exploring one’s trauma of these particular themes in fiction is completely fine on one’s own terms, but I have nothing substantial to add about making fiction of these topics myself. It’s way beyond the mature ratings my games already have and quite frankly I’m just grossed out by depictions of incest and grooming/pedophilia. When I’m ignorant of the nuances of these subjects and grossed out by it, I try to discourage it from it being themes my fans use in fan work, because I also want to avoid re-traumatizing victims of these crimes--some of whom are my friends. I can’t stop anybody from using my creations for these means; everyone’s a person with free will. But I’m allowed to feel hurt and violated if people use this free will to go against my wishes because they just felt entitled to, and feel like defying me is 'sticking it to the man' or whatever. I will not ever change my mind on this, so be aware me directing you to this is your one and final warning. Further pestering will result in blocking.

Lastly,

“Well everyone online is going to be scumbags anyway at some point, so why don’t you just accept that people will do this with your ocs?”

[flanaganfilm]

Good morning/ evening! My name’s Sam and I’m currently a film student hoping to get into freelance writing. I’ve got a couple questions if you don’t mind (hoping you haven’t already answered them and I just missed them).

When you first starting making your own films, did you have already have thick skin for any critics/ bad reviews? Or is that something you grew over time?

Also, for your production company, do you hire interns and PAs or do you prefer filmmakers with more experience?

Thank you!

To your first question, I do not have a thick skin in that area AT ALL and never have. I don't know many people who do.

I'm often approached by fans who will talk about what a project of mine means to them, or I find a review or think piece online where the author really connected with my work. I want to let that feedback in, because it's validating. But letting it in means letting ALL of it in, even the negative. I don't really get to pick and choose. Once I decided to let myself react emotionally to other people's feedback, those gates are open I've got to accept whatever comes through.

I take my work very seriously, and tend to pour my heart and soul into it. We make these things because we love them. It can literally take years of daily work to do. When people love it, it feels great. When people don't, it hurts. There's really no way around that.

Film criticism has, like a lot of things, devolved over time. I was a massive fan of Robert Ebert, who was thoughtful and sophisticated in his critiques (most of the time), and tried to approach each movie he watched on the film's own terms - from the perspective of "how successful was this at achieving what it set out to do?" I see a lot of criticisms today that don't do this, and instead are lamenting what a movie is or isn't, saying things like "I wish this was more..." or "This isn't good because I wanted it to be something else."

"I wanted a ________ and what I got instead was ______ so it sucks."

The other issue is that loud, sensationalized vitriol gets more clicks. Negative reviews, especially brutal and callous ones, get more attention than positive ones. I've gotten to know and befriend some professional critics over the years, who have all told me that the positive reviews don't generate the audience reaction quite like the negative ones. People enjoy watching things get beat up. We reward the wrong kind of discourse, and that isn't unique to film criticism - it's everywhere. That's just a symptom of our culture.

One of my great frustrations is how we assert our opinion as objective truth. There's nothing more dangerous than tweeting "I liked ______ movie!" The comments flood in about how you're wrong, how it sucks, blah blah blah. People think their own taste is somehow factual. If someone says "I had a fantastic steak dinner last night and I loved it," we don't say "you're wrong, steak sucks". We understand the concept of taste when it comes to other things we consume, but when it comes to entertainment each one of us thinks we're the ultimate authority.

For myself, my producer and my wife have long discouraged me from reading reviews. I still can't help it. It's not healthy though. I can scroll past a dozen positive ones, and they evaporate in my mind, but I read one scathing thing and it sticks with me for days. There is one particular review of MIDNIGHT MASS that is one of the most baffling and frustrating things I've ever read, as the author appears to have misunderstood just about every aspect of the series, and drawn the angriest, most misguided, most erroneous conclusions. I read it with my jaw on the ground... "but they're objectively wrong. That isn't what happens, and that isn't what the show is even about." But what can I do? Who am I to say their experience of the show is invalid? They feel how they feel, and that's fine. That's okay. It has to be.

So your skin doesn't get thicker, it is a bizarre emotional experience to put something personal out there into the world and see the gamut of reactions. But at a certain point you have to remind yourself that it's impossible to please everyone, and that these projects don't belong to the filmmaker - they belong to the audience, and each and every one of those experiences is unique and valid. Perhaps there are lessons to be learned, and perhaps the critique can help you grow as a filmmaker.

I have similar feelings when I see someone trashing someone else's work I happen to love - for example, I remain baffled by people who didn't like EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE, but that doesn't mean anything. It didn't work for them, that's all. Nothing works for everyone.

I have found over the years that I respect and appreciate analyses and criticisms that take this more personal point of view, and talk about their own interaction with the work as opposed to just dismissing it outright. When someone says "this movie didn't work for me," or "I didn't connect with it," or "It just wasn't my cup of tea," I have a much easier time taking it seriously. It's changed how I talk about my own reactions to movies or shows that I didn't respond to. And I found that it's made it much easier for me to enjoy things even if they aren't quite for me. Instead of being reactive and saying "it sucks" or "I hate this," I've gotten better at realizing it's not a binary experience - I can look at what DOES work for me, and I can appreciate it, even while other elements might not.

It makes for a much more nuanced discussion, and helps me grow. Sometimes, though, it's just the wrong thing to watch on the wrong day, and that's fine too. Maybe that makes it a little easier. If I step out of something and just really don't enjoy it, it helps remind me that it's not personal. Clearly, other people DO enjoy these things, sometimes I'm very much in the minority. And when that happens, I can say "oh, it's not so bad if someone hates a movie I made, or a show, or whatever. Life's too short."

But I long ago decided I'd never say anything negative about someone else's work in public. I know too much about what it takes to make a movie, and I'm not a critic. I'm a filmmaker. This town is too small, and there is zero upside in dragging another filmmaker's efforts. On the rare occasions when I do see another filmmaker indulge in that behavior, it is always a terrible look. And it can have real-world consequences - there are a few filmmakers who I've seen publicly slag off other people's work, and I quietly decided never to hire them. Like I said, it's a small town... and most of us read what people say about our work.

We should get back to that work, remember how lucky we all are to do this for a living, and leave that kind of thing to the critics.

[kayanc-consultants]

How To Launch And Grow Your Business: The Best Tips to Help You Reach Your Goals

Starting a business can be scary, but with the right support and advice, you can launch and grow your business. Starting a company is an exciting time that comes with many challenges, responsibilities and stressors. Whether you’re starting from scratch or taking on more responsibility at work to start your own business on the side, launching a business is no easy feat. There are many things to keep in mind before you take that leap of faith to turn your business idea into a reality. You need to take some time out for research and planning before you begin this process — there’s no point jumping into things if you don’t have a solid plan in place beforehand! Kayanc Consultants is a business management consulting firm that provides business consulting services in Melbourne, Australia. We help businesses grow and optimise their results through a range of services.

Know your reason for starting a business

Before you even begin thinking about what business you want to start, it’s important to know why you want to start one in the first place. This will help you narrow down what you want to do and will give you a purpose that you can use to help motivate you through the tough times. To help you figure out your reason for starting a business, ask yourself the following questions: — What are your strengths? — What are your weaknesses? — What are your passions? — Where do you see yourself in 5 years? — What do you want to achieve in life? — What do you want out of life?

Define your product or service

One thing that many entrepreneurs forget to do when they’re launching a business is to clearly define the product or service that they’re offering. This is especially important when you’re just starting out and you haven’t built up a strong customer base yet. To help you figure out what you want to offer, try asking yourself the following questions: — Who is your target market? — What do they need or want? — What are their biggest struggles? — What problem are you solving with your product or service?

Network, network, network!

When you’re first starting out and trying to launch your business in Australia, you need to be as active as possible. This means attending events, joining clubs and networking with other entrepreneurs and people in your industry. It can be scary reaching out to others at first, but you need to be proactive about getting yourself out there and meeting new people. To help you get started on your networking journey, try asking yourself the following questions: — What events are happening in your area that you can attend? — What clubs or associations are in your industry? — Who has had experience in your industry? — Who has been successful in your industry?

Create your plan and budget

Before you dive headfirst into setting up your business, you need to develop a plan and budget. This will help you stay focused on your long-term goals while also ensuring that you don’t get in over your head. Plus, when you have a business plan, you can use it to show others that you’re serious about your future business. To help you develop your business plan, try asking yourself the following questions: — What is my business model? — What is my target market? — What is my competitive advantage? — What is my core value proposition? — How will I reach my customers? — Where will I find clients? — What are my biggest challenges?

Bottom line

When you’re launching a business, it’s important to be ready for the long haul. You may feel like everything is happening quickly, but the fact of the matter is that entrepreneurship takes time. Be patient with the process and don’t get discouraged if things don’t go as quickly as you had hoped. In the long run, you want to be able to look back on this time with pride and excitement, knowing that you’ve truly started something great. Kayanc Consultants understands the unique challenges that businesses face, and we’re here to help. Whether you need help with your strategy, financing, or human resources, we’re ready to assist you. So get in touch with us today to learn more about how we can help your business grow and succeed

[femsolid]

Different Anon here, but wanted to say I appreciate you acknowledging that most rapes that happen to women are done to them by men they know, love and trust. (Sorry this is long, wanted to vent and also hear your thoughts.)

I’ve been called crazy before because I often enjoy biking after dark. I only do it in areas where I feel safe, and am fully aware of the risk and resent those who have called me crazy for it…. Because imho stranger rape is rare and these same folks also call me paranoid for refusing to dare men because I’m scared to be raped. I’m not afraid of stranger rape happening, because it was my father who was the first man who sexually violated me. I also have done it for over 10 years, and I’ve had occasional experiences of men bothering me, but disproportionately low compared to being out during daylight hours, and I trust my judgement and I find it liberating. What I find crazy is dating men… I won’t judge Women who don’t, and won’t call them crazy, but calling me crazy for biking at night because men are dangerous, while simultaneously choosing to date men, is crazy to me… 

I told my therapist at one point that I was sad I had never experienced romantic love, and i was referring to being sexually abused by my father, and then having my sexuality repressed because he didn’t want me to have a boyfriend and used covert threats of humiliation and sexual abuse (asserting dominance over me,) if I had one. I had one fling growing up where I ended up rejecting a boy when he tried to kiss me after I was the one who initiated intimacy/“ inappropriate touching”, in response to a romantic gesture where I developed intense romantic feelings and thought I was falling in love and couldn’t help myself. I was only 15, he was also 15. I become conscious in that moment, despite my mothers gaslighting, and religious shaming, that it wasn’t religious shame I felt, but fear and terror of my father. And my memories came back later of early childhood sexual abuse like molestation that I had amnesia from. That memory still haunts me… I tried to remain “pure” and then realized I wasn’t afraid of being impure because of religion…. I was afraid of further violation. I felt impure because of abuse, religion was just a gaslight.

Now I don’t trust men, and trauma aside, it’s also an intellectual response for me to avoid men. Too many women are raped, too many girls are molested by men. I told my therapist I was sad I never experienced romantic love. I just wanted compassion and understanding in that moment, and acceptance of where I was at in terms of grieving my loss of innocence, violation of autonomy, and violation of my sexuality and violation of my trust. Instead, she seemed to perk up; “it can happen at any age!” As if she interpreted that as me fearing I couldn’t ever experience romance again. Her response was so discouraging and upsetting to me.

I’m grateful to Rad fem’s who can just like… empathize with me feeling sad, and that it’s valid, and also wise of me to avoid men, and support me in my separatism.

It scares and concerns me how so many people, including l therapist , push this idea that in order to be a well adjusted and healthy adult, you need a husband or boyfriend… it scares and concerns me to see everyone’s obsession with denying the reality that men are DANGEROUS. All the therapy in the world would not make me trust men again; Yea I have trauma, but I’m also pretty intelligent and intuitive and found her response so disappointing. Completely self serving; so many therapists get a sense of ego boost and superiority out of this idea that their patients need them for validation and reassurance… I’ve not yet met a therapist who doesn’t push the romantic relationships down my throat. As a CSA survivor, my risk of being raped goes up if I date men. Statistically speaking.

I go to therapy to learn how to find my center, to learn how to self regulate, how to communicate better, how to connect to myself in a way that’s healthy so I can relate to others healthily so I can foster healthy friendships. I don’t need a fucking boyfriend. It’s like, why can’t I be allowed to be sad, without also being gaslight that “oh the right man is out there for you!” I am so sick of therapists denying that men are dangerous!!! Even basic social psychology 101 says men are socialized not to feel shame, and only to be nice to women they want to fuck, so why are therapists like this?? I’ve found therapists come in 2 types; invalidating, or, they believe validation is key to healing and that’s literally all they do, validate and reassure, which is actually so unhealthy considering self regulation comes from the ability to validate and reassure yourself. I also don’t find it reassure when therapists gaslight reality and project their family and social values on you that happiness and fulfillment = a man. I want to accept reality, even if it’s painful, because I want to feel safe.

Sorry I didn’t mean to puke all this out; what are your thoughts on therapists coercing or suggesting or pushing this idea of relationships onto women, instead of separatism? Because that bothers me. Therapists acting oblivious pisses me off. I can’t even trust therapists. 

I’m a het woman, and I really appreciate lesbians cause they’re the only ones who don’t fucking project this shit or lie.

To me, heterosexual "romance" and "love" are a social construct meant to subjugate women. If it were natural, it wouldn't be pushed on us so hard. And it makes sense: how else would slaves "fall in love" with their torturers? Without "romantic love", women would have no reason to partner with men at all.

Little girls are taught it's our life's goal to find a man, seduce a man, keep a man, serve a man, love a man, carry "his" children, and live happily ever after. Why wouldn't a therapist believe it too? That the key to our happiness depends on being devoted to a male? Not to mention, this is very likely to be what your therapist hears all the time from her female patients.

When I was in domestic abuse support groups, I kept seeing severely abused women, barely out of the woods, already looking for another man to be abused by to love, simply because women think they're incomplete and are failing at life if they don't. Your therapist probably hears that a lot: loneliness from women who don't know they can be content without a man. Put into context, your therapist's response is disappointing but not shocking. She probably assumed you were saying the same thing straight women often say to her. It's up to you to explain what you meant or let it go.

I've been lucky enough to find a therapist who has never brought up the subject of dating and is very careful about not making assumptions or trying to lock me in a box. But it took me years to find someone like that and I'm still tiptoeing around the subject of women and men because 1) I know she's a married woman with a kid so she's biased and will not want to listen to me dismantling her life, and 2) she seems blissfully unaware of the extend of men's misogyny. Though I'm aware that not being able to say what you truly mean to your therapist is problematic, I also know that if there's one thing a woman can't do is express separatist thoughts in public. Not without prompting some pretty viceral reactions. 

Anyway, there are many types of love, other than this fake and unreciprocated "romantic" love, that are much more worthy of pursuit and actually come naturally to us. Of course there's the love between two women, but even outside of dating. Your affection for an animal, a sister, a friend, a child, a place, an activity, yourself, are different forms of love. The deep compassion and solidarity you feel for a woman can be akin to love as well. And to me these are a lot more vualuable than man-made "romance". When I went hiking in the french alpes and, having reached the top of mont Brevent, faced the highest mountain of Europe, it was so beautiful I cried. And when my therapist asked me to describe what I felt, all I could say was love. Same when I hug my niece and my heart swells. Same when my dog falls alseep in my arms. Same when I am proud of myself. Same when I look at the stars at night. Love is when you feel at home. 

There is no home to be found among your oppressors. 

By the way, I've also always felt better and freer being out at night than during the day. And it might just be because there are less men and noise at night. When I was younger I found it exhilarating, like getting a glimpse of what it would be like to live without fear, judgement, self monitoring, like men live, most of the time.

"Calling me crazy for biking at night because men are dangerous, while simultaneously choosing to date men, is crazy to me."

Exactly. It's completely illogical. "Don't bike near monsters, date them!" uh ok. You're statistically safer biking at night alone than going to bed with a man, let's get that right.

I'm glad you're getting more and more insights into what you've experienced and are getting to know yourself better. I hope that, nonetheless, therapy is helping and I feel like you have more than enough strength and intelligence inside of you to get through either way.

[attemptsonherlifepdf]

bojack horseman and bo burnham: the art of acting like you’re acting and the comedy of misery

at the core of bojack horseman, raphael bob-waksberg’s 2014 comedy, is a story about the relationship between performance and depression. the protagonist of this renowned tragicomedy is best described as a sympathetic villain; he is shown to clearly be in the wrong across various events of the show, and is explicitly referred to as a bad person, but the audience is granted deep access to his personal struggles, resulting in some portions of the audience finding themselves on bojack’s side. the duality of his character is complex, but can be broken down into some core components, that all stem from the impacts of stardom and performance. the standup comedy of bo burnham arguably echoes this sentiment in real time. having been a performer from a young age, burnham creates work that serves as a satirical commentary on the life of entertainers. he uses original songs to explore the reliance upon and resentment for his performative nature both onstage and within his personal life. both the comedian and the netflix show are widely understood to be thinly veiling their critiques of the entertainment industry behind a particular brand of witty and absurd humour.

both bojack and burnham’s content openly criticises their audiences and explicitly states the manufactured nature of the narrative the audience is fed. in the fifth season of bojack horseman, the show satirises itself by having bojack star in a police procedural drama, parts of which are actively written by other characters to reflect events of bojack’s life. the titular character he plays, philbert, is the epitome of selfish male angst, and an example of what bob-waksberg’s show could have been; another story about a sad and angry man whose guilt supposedly makes up for the people he has hurt. according to bojack, philbert teaches us ‘we’re all terrible, so we’re all okay’, an interpretation that is harshly disputed by diane: ‘that’s not the point of philbert, for guys to watch it and feel okay. i dont want you, or anyone else, justifying their shitty behaviour because of the show.’ this moment is a direct reaction to some of the online reception bojack horseman has received. various circles of the show’s fanbase have found themselves relating to the protagonist to the point of defending his untoward behaviour, a response not intentioned by the show’s creators. this is not the only example of bob-waksberg’s ability to make his work self-evaluative. in season six’s exposure of bojack and sarah lynn’s problematic relationship, characters question their sexual encounter from the first season. the writers use this as a way of examining their own choices, and the harmful tropes they played into when using this exploitative sexual encounter as a gag. this self-evaluative quality is what sets bojack apart as a show that assesses the performance it participates in, much like the comedy of bo burnham.

bo burnham is known for directly addressing his audience, particularly in terms of discouraging idolisation and parasocial relationships. some examples of this manifest as responses to hecklers rather than a planned bit in the show, for instance:

heckler: i love you!

bo: no you don’t

heckler: i love the IDEA of you!

bo: stop participating!

he actively addresses the issues posed by being an entertainer, and encourages the audience to understand and recognise that his onstage persona is just that: an exaggerated persona. not once does burnham claim to be fully authentic onstage, and even moments of authenticity we see in his latest special, inside, are staged. we make the assumption that having the physical setting of a stage stripped away grants us a more personal look at the entertainer’s life, but he makes it clear that even in his own home we still see the aspects he has carefully constructed rather than the full truth. arguably though, parts of the show really are authentic; in his monologue during make happy, bo deconstructs his own show in a way that is similar to bojack horseman’s later seasons, admitting that all he knows is performing and thus making a show about the more mundane and relatable aspects of life would feel ‘incredibly disingenuous.’ in his attempts to separate himself from this onstage persona he actually manages to blur the lines between what is acting and what is now part of his nature as a result of his job. this notion is echoed in bojack horseman as bojack’s attention seeking nature is attributed to his years acting in front of a camera every day.

bo suggests that the era of social media has created a space in which children’s identities mimic that of an entertainer like himself, describing the phenomenon as ‘performer and audience melded together.’ in this observation he criticises the phenomenon. bo attempts to force the audience to recognise the ways in which their lives are becoming shaped by the presence of an audience and to some extent uses his own life as a warning tale against this. he points out the way in which the ‘tortured artist trope’ means that your cries for help or roundabout attempts of addressing mature themes such as substance abuse, mental illness and trauma become part of that on stage persona and therefore become part of the joke. both bo and bojack address these topics in more discrete manners earlier in their careers, but this eventually becomes expected, and thus they are forced to explicitly detail their struggles with these topics in order to be taken seriously. even then, portions of the audience are inclined to see it as part of the persona or as something that fuels the creators creativity and thus does not need to be addressed as a legitimate issue. the emphasis on creating a character or persona promotes the commodification of mental illness: any struggle must be made into a song or a joke or a bit, must be turned into part of the act in order to have value. this actually serves to delegitimise these emotions and create a disconnect between the feeling and the person, as it becomes near impossible to exist without feeling as though you are acting. even when an artist’s cries for help become blatant, they continue to go ignored because now they serve the purpose of creating content that criticises the industry they stem from. online audiences can be seen as treating bo burnham and his insightful work as existing to demonstrate the negative effects entertaining can have, and because this insight is useful or thought-provoking to audiences, he is almost demanded to keep entertaining and creating. in response to this demand, his work becomes more meta and his messages become clearer, and the more obvious his messages, the more people he reaches. this increases audience demands and traps entertainers in a cycle fraught with internal conflict.

during bojack’s second season, bojack’s date asks him, ‘come on, do that bojack thing where you make a big deal and everyone laughs, but at the same time we relate, because you're saying the things polite society won't.’ this moment exemplifies how aspects of his genuine personality have now become a part of his persona and this is demanded of him in genuine and serious situations, undermining the validity of his emotional reactions. he immediately makes a rude comment to the waitress at the restaurant they’re in and satisfies his date by performing that character he has set himself out to be. some circles of the fan base have argued that bojack is written as a depiction of somebody with borderline personality disorder, offering a psychoanalytical lens through which to view this notion of performance. a defining symptom of borderline personality disorder is a fluctuating sense of self; having grown up on camera, being demanded to perform to others as young as six years old, bojack’s sense of self will have been primarily dictated by the need to act.  whether this acting is for the sake of comedy, or as a representation of masking his mental illness, when they need to act is taken away bojack entirely loses his sense of self and relapses into his addictions: ‘i felt like a xerox of a xerox of a person.’ burnham’s depictions of depression run along a similar vein; in his new special he poses the idea that his comedy no longer serves the same personal purpose it once did for him. he questions ‘shit should I be joking at a time like this?’ and satirises the idea that arts have enough value to change or impact the current global issues that we are facing. burnham’s ‘possible ending song’ to his latest special, he asks ‘does anybody want to joke when no-one’s laughing in the background? so this is how it is.’ implicit in this question is the idea that when the audience is taken away and there is nobody to perform his pain to, he is left with his pain. instead of being able to turn his musings and thoughts into a product to sell to the public, he is forced to just think about them in isolation and actually face them, an abrupt and distressing experience.

the value of performance and art is questioned by both bojack and burnham, particularly during the later years of their respective content. burnham’s infamous song, art is dead, appears to be a direct response to the question ‘what is the worth of art?’ he posits that performing is the result of a need for attention (‘my drug’s attention, i am an addict, but i get paid to indulge in my habit’) and repeatedly jokes throughout his career that the entertainment industry receives more respect that it deserves (‘i’m the same as you, im still doing a job or a service, i’m just massively overpaid’). his revelations regarding the inherent desire for attention that runs through all entertainers is frequently satirised in bojack horseman. bojack is comically, hyperbolically attention hungry and self-obsessed, and the show has a running gag in which he uses phrases along the lines of ‘hello, why is nobody paying attention to me, the famous movie star, instead of these other boring people.’ his constant attempts to direct the focus of others towards himself result in bojack feeling like ‘everybody loves you, but nobody likes you.’ his peers buy into his act and adore the comical, exaggerated, laughable aspects of his character, but find very little room to respond to him on a genuinely personal level because of this. interestingly, bojack appears to enjoy catering to his audience and the instant gratification it produces, whereas bo burnham becomes increasingly candid about his mixed feeling towards his audience. ‘i wanna please you, but i wanna stay true to myself, i wanna give you the night out that you deserve, but i wanna say what i think and not care what you think about it.’ he admits to catering to what audiences want from him, but resents both the audience and himself in the process as it reveals to himself which parts of his character are solely for the sake of people watching him.

within bojack horseman, this concept is applicable not only to the protagonist, but to the various forms of performer demonstrated in the plot. towards the show’s end, sarah lynn asks ‘what does being authentic have to do with anything?’ to which herb kazzaz responds, ‘when i finally stopped hiding behind a facade i could be at peace.’ this highlights the fact that because entertainers are demanded to continue the facade, they do not receive the opportunity to find ‘peace.’ this sentiment is scattered throughout the show, through a musical motif, the song ‘don’t stop dancing.’ the song stems from a life lesson bojack imparted to sarah lynn at a young age, and becomes more frequently used as the show progresses and bojack’s situation worsens.

sarah lynn is also used to explore the value of entertainers; in the show’s penultimate episode, she directly compares her work as a pop icon to the charity work of herb, arguing that if she suffered in order to produce her work. it has to mean something. she lists the struggles she faced when on tour: ‘i gave my whole life...my manager leaked my nudes to get more tour dates added, my mom pointed out every carb i ate, it was hell. but it gave millions of fans a show they will never forget and that has to mean something.’ implicit in this notion is the idea that entertainment is the epitome of self-sacrifice. there is a surplus of mentally ill individuals within the industry, largely due to the nature of the industry itself, but some may argue that the cultural grip the industry has, and the vast amounts of respect and money it generates annually, gives the suffering of these prolific individuals meaning.

the juxtaposing responses entertainers feel towards their audiences manifest as two forms of desperation: the desperation to be an individual who is held accountable, and the desperation to be loved and validated. we see both bojack and bo depict how they oscillate between  ‘this is all a lie’ and ‘my affection for my audience is genuine’, or between ‘do not become infatuated with me im a character’ and ‘please fucking love my character i do not know how to be loved on a personal level.’ bojack explicitly asks diane to write a slam piece on him and ‘hold him accountable’, similar to bo’s song ‘problematic’ in which the hook includes the phrase ‘isn’t anybody gonna hold me accountable?’ for his insensitive jokes as a late teenager. their self-awareness is what enables their self-evaluative qualities, but self-awareness is its own issue. bojack grapples with a narcissistic view of his own recognition of his behaviour before settling on a more nuanced, albeit depressing take. originally he makes the assumption that in recognising the negative aspects of himself, he is superior to those who behave similarly: ‘but i know im a piece of shit. that makes me better than all the pieces of shit that don’t know theyre pieces of shit.’ eventually, during his time at rehab he is forced to reconcile with the fact that self awareness does not, to put it bluntly, make you the superior asshole, it just makes you the more miserable one. the show does, however, make a point to recognise how the entertainment industry protects ‘pieces of shit’, prioritising their productive value over how much they deserve to be held accountable, demonstrated using characters like hank hippopoalus. the show itself obviously stems from the entertainment industry, as it is a form of media produced by netflix, one of the most popular streaming platforms available. bojack horseman and bo burnham represent the small corner of the industry that is reflective enough to showcase the damage it inflicts. this is powerful in terms of education and awareness, and urges audiences to question their own motives and versions of performance, but the reflection alone is not powerful enough to help the artists in question. burnham’s candid conversations surrounding his mental health continue to reveal a plethora of issues somewhat caused or sustained by the nature of his career. within bojack horseman, bojack is only able to stop hurting other characters when those characters construct a situation that forces him to face consequence, his introspection alone is not enough. while bojack ends on a message of hope, suggesting to the audience that reverting back to the status quo is not the only acceptable way for events to end, it leaves stinging lessons and social commentary with the audience regarding the unnatural and damaging narrative that performers live through. on a similar but markedly different note, bo burnham’s work and personal progression is playing out in real time, and not in a way that is as raw and genuine as it appears. each bit is planned, even the most vulnerable moments that appear unplanned and painful. his latest special is not entirely devoid of hope, but does translate to audiences as a somewhat exaggerated look around the era of social media and the development of performance, using himself as an example.

the absurdist humour that often acts as a vehicle for poignant statements or emotionally provocative questions is very specific to each media creator. bob-waksberg’s use of puns, tongue twisters and entirely ridiculous circumstances served to simultaneously characterise his points as an expected part of the show’s style of humour, similar to bojack’s emotional instability, but also to make them appear gut-punching in comparison to the humour. burnham’s work is similar in that poignant but blunt statements are often sandwiched between absurd and exaggerated jokes, making them stand out via contrast but not giving the audience too much time to dwell upon them as they are said. performance art is second nature to entertainers, and is presented a an issue that is infiltrating the general population via social media rather than solely affecting the ‘elites’. bojack horseman and bo burnham present the duality of artists simultaneously attempting to level the playing field and increase their chances of survival in the industry, and encourage audiences to know that everyone is bluffing and you’ll never have the right cards anyway.

i.k.b

[writer-akihiko]

Hello, I’m not sure if you accept crossover asks…but can I request the dorm leaders with an S/o who’s from the Utapri world? Like they were under shining or raging entertainment as as an idol or composer of Starish/Quartet Night/ Heavens?

Dorm Leaders + Utapri!MC

I didn't put much detail into the world of Utapri nor references to some characters just in case some people didn't know what the series was. If any of you are curious about what Utapri is, here's a link. Instead, I focused on YN's career so I hope that's okay!

Somehow, right before the concert, you had fallen into the wonderous world of Twisted Wonderland… You may never go back, but surely your skills had some use right? …Right?

Malleus Draconia

As an idol, you decided that you weren't going to seek out performing anymore to which Malleus understood

You were shy around him so the thought of practicing around him was a big no

He was someone who would do anything for your attention, so he'd become a pouting dragon in the moments you'd disappeared

Eventually he finds your little hiding spot and likes to sit around and listen to you but he never tells you that he's listening…

He doesn't disturb you, but your singing calms him down enough that he sleeps at his hiding spot

It wasn't the first nor last time you caught Malleus, but you enjoyed the game of hide and seek with him, almost as if you two were in Aurora and Phillip dancing around each other

Riddle Rosehearts

You were quite tired from your hectic life as a composer, so you instead opted to take a calmer approach to your music

Ace and Deuce made quite the ruckus about how amazing your music was and asked Riddle if you could perform at the tea party

Riddle, having a massive crush on you, agrees. Initially he thinks it's magic but he pinches himself, reminding that you don't have any…

He enjoys your music but is also the first to remind that you should take breaks and enjoy some tarts too

Oddly enough, his horse also calms down at your playing when you were visiting Riddle during his club activities…

Kalim Al-Asim

You decided to continue with your idol career, no matter how hard it would be. It was your passion!

Kalim fully supports you continuing your idol career and he's willing to help! He's quite good at gathering a crowd to watch you

He is your number one fan and will voluntarily join you with the dance on-stage

He doesn't understand some idol terms but he tries! You just looked so professional and cool when you do

He appears frequently on your MagiCam account as you post progress of your songs and dancing, although he'd never admit that it was because of his tiny feelings of jealousy…

Azul Ashengrotto

At first, you weren't sure if you wanted to continue your career as a composer in Twisted Wonderland

In the end, you decided to anyway to help out Azul in The Lounge since he was so busy with the Lounge

Azul wasn't sure about all the attention on you but it was quickly dispelled as after your performance, you'd run to his side

He fell in love with you all over again when you announced that your new song was dedicated to him

He loves to work when you practice. It gives him a sense of comfort that you would ask him for his input and you openly tell him that you're fine with him hearing your mistakes

Idia Shroud

You already decided that you wanted to continue your career in the new world. Even if it's a different world, surely there's an idol demand!

Idia will be your sponsor, your supporter, anything you need. You wouldn't ask for much though since you wanted to prove it with your pure talent

Was this him winning against the 2% SSR rate? He'd never imagine his girlfriend from another world would be an idol!

Anyone that discourages you from pursuing your dream would taste his fire. Literally

He shuts down any comments that made you feel uncomfortable. He has the power after all

He's the VIP at all your concerts. You insisted that you were going to work to the top and there you were. He couldn't be happier

Leona Kingscholar

You decided to contribute to the music clubs of NRC instead of continuing with your career. It gave you much better fulfillment

Leona doesn't exactly understand what composing is since he wasn't that into the arts

You taught him slowly about your passion, showing simpler compositions and playing a few pieces for him. He didn't want to admit that his tail swished to the sound of it though…

He doesn't mind your hobby nor bother much, but if someone has an issue with you, they're answering to him

Later on he was aware how amazing your skills were. It makes him was to show off your skills to the people back home but he wasn't one for gatherings. Maybe in the near future…

Vil Schoenheit

You and Vil were quite the power couple. You didn't make any effort to be known as a famous person but you were used to the attention from being an idol

Instead, you always followed Vil during his modelling jobs as his source of encouragement

When VDC came up, despite Vil being disappointed in the potatoes that worked with him, you told him you could make it work

You and Vil somehow became ruthless instructors to the boys, as you expected no less than perfection for this performance. You had experience and you knew how to run the show

Thanks to your help and ruthless training, NRC managed to win the group category

Many were shocked as Vil ran to you and twirled you around, to which the moment was popularised on MagiCam

[thewoodbine]

What has been your experience, if any, with new age spirituality. And what is your opinion on it? Do you think it has a strong leg to stand on?

I talked about it in my last ask/answer a little bit actually! But New Age Spiritualism is such a broad category and concept I'm going to try break it down a little bit.

The Good:

By introducing concepts like meditation, mindfulness, and compassion- it has improved the lives of many people in a way traditional religion was just unable to do.

It's overall shifted our culture for the better and opened the door for discussions we would have never been able to previously have without being labeled heretical or crazy.

Largely is responsible for Wicca and the rise of witchcraft in general. Were it not for Wicca being invented during the first rise of the hippie and New Age movement ( drawing heavily from their influence), many of us would have never had the resources now to get into other forms of witchcraft. Including myself probably.

The Meh: It's become an aesthetic to be purchased in stores by people who do not even begin to actually bother with its true teachings or get into the real work of it. Same with a lot of Witchcraft, likely due to its rebirth through the New Age Movement. Those people who tell you "you can use any ingredient for this spell at any time for any reason without any experience and it will work" those are people deeply skewed by New Age Fluffy Bunny ideals. The "witchcraft is entirely positive and nothing bad can or will ever happen it is easy and happy and totally good in every way" yeah that's them too. They're not really damaging, but its not where you are going to grow and learn the most. I have no beef with them, (they definitely have beef with me) but it's just not for me.

Wicca is almost certainly a New Age religion and it's really neither here nor there for me. It has some good and bad aspects of that, but as a whole I just kind of ignore it. It helps guide and improve the lives of a lot of people, while also being problematic for others. Unfortunately though, its founders helped to plant a lot of bad roots in the pagan community that we still grapple with and are listed below.

The Bad: (I will be referring to practitioners of this as 'Crystal Lickers'. A term my mentor taught me that refers to people who buy a ton of crystals or spiritual objects and that's about where their willingness to put effort into spirituality begin and end.)

It's been boiled down. Like in my last story, it has been adopted by people who barely grasp the concepts at all but wave them like a banner. The new age lady I mentioned last time smuged, read tarot, did yoga, got frequent reiki sessions, tried to commune with spirits, and read energies and auras and presented herself as a guru - all on a 2 month retreat in India. Many of the things she practiced require years of training and experience to really truly grasp and embrace and the New Age movement encourages people to pick them up like fun little spirit candy.

It's appropriative. Cultural appropriation is a complex subject and I won't go into it here. But essentially- if you want to do yoga, read pendulums, and hang a dream catcher in your room all at the same time that's totally fine. Just understand you didn't invent yoga, pendulums take time and practice to master, and buy that dream catcher directly from the tribal people to which made them originally. (and some might refuse you depending on their beliefs about dream catchers must be gifted to work- and you have to be ok with that too). Some stuff you can use, some you can admire from afar, and some you just leave alone. New Age doesn't get that.

It's commercialized. Much like witchcraft is becoming, spirituality has become a commodified thing for the rich to buy. And the flip side of that it has been labeled as a fad thing for rich white people, which has discouraged in some cases, minorities from engaging in the actually beneficial and totally free aspects of it. It's the idea that if you buy enough evil eyes, tote bags, and crystals and suddenly you are the real deal. These are Crystal Lickers

It doesn't demand change or work. One of the biggest things that draw people to New Age Spirituality in its many forms is the opportunity to improve their life and become happy worry-free beings of light. But what that often becomes is "How To Manifest Wealth and Romance" and looking to others with a sense of righteous pity and dispensing your unsolicited wisdom now that you have ascended thanks to that podcast you listened to once. Most of the spiritual people I know, have never actually challenged themself through their practice. They're not actually looking in the mirror and going 'how am I maybe the bad guy' 'how do I hurt people' 'what do I need to let go of for OTHER' people. True spirituality will demand you to put others first and remove yourself from ego, watered-down versions say to love yourself exactly as you are and just let those bad vibes go.

It can be toxic positivity. The best example of this I could imagine is my old coffee shop. We had this big mantra painted above the door about love and acceptance. The crystal licker owner was very adamant that this was a place of healing and growth for people to come and be their vulnerable authentic selves. She also once asked a queer kid talking about their traumatic experience with their parents with their friends in a corner to leave because 'their energies were not conducive to the space' .

It can target the vulnerable: In the great case of my most prominent Crystal Licker she actively sought out struggling and vulnerable people to present herself and her divine guidance as the answers to their woes. Talking them into doing things for her for free and taking advantage of people until they became totally dependant on her to feed her ego. This is not uncommon in the slightest among the New Age community. Basically New Age Spirituality at its worst boils down to this: Love yourself and all creatures in perfect unity, encouraging the growth and aspirations of ones authentic self through healing and community. As long as it's my healing, and you're not too annoying about it or call anyone out. There's also a bunch of stuff you have to buy in order to do it. I don't know where any of these objects or traditions come from or why you should do them but I saw it online once. Tl;dr: If your spiritual journey is easy and exclusively positive the entire time, you probably haven't even started yet.

[zhuhongs]

Ever since I watched Your Name Engraved Herein two weeks ago, I have wanted to talk about Jiahan as whole but in particular this scene right here that starts around the 40 minute mark. 

CW’s: discussion of religion, internalized homophobia, violent homophobia, choking, and lack of consent. Generally, the same cws as in the movie. 

Read more bc it’s uh.. 2.7k

all images are described in alt text

As soon as I watched this scene I just knew it had to be really significant and now rewatching YNEH, I realize that this is a major ideological turning point for Jiahan as a character. From this point on he slowly begins to accept that he’s gay and starts to consciously act on his feelings for Birdy. However, I must first add some context and insights on Jiahan’s prior behavior before I dive into this scene as a whole. At the beginning of the movie, we see that while Jiahan feels different from the rest of his roomates, he still sneaks out with them when they go hook up with girls, despite not showing any interest in the girl he’s with. He feels very different from the rest of his friends, but still goes along with them due to peer pressure. Later, he tries to dissuade them from violently hazing the gay student, Xie Zhenhong, (his name is never said in the film but it says so on his uniform shirt, and that what I’ll refer to him as for the rest of the post) but is reluctantly influenced to gang up on the student as well. He closes his eyes while he’s about to strike the bat down on the student, until Birdy rescues the student-- and Jiahan in a way-- from what is about to play out. After this, his friends accuse him of being in the same stall as Birdy (which he was) but he denies it, not wanting to explain why he was there and the ensuing taunting from his friends.

 While its obvious that Jiahan has feelings for Birdy, he isn’t confident enough to pursue them outright. Birdy is the more confident one in both their friendship and in his sexuality, not caring about how anyone perceives him and does what he wants regardless of the consequences. Jiahan is the one worried about societal stigma and goes along with things he doesn’t want to do. However after this encounter with the gay underclassman pictured above, Jiahan become more brave and honest about his feelings towards Birdy. Interestingly enough in the scene directly after this, Birdy begins to conceal his true feelings for Jiahan and pursue a straight relationship with Banban. He doesn’t do this hurt Jiahan, as he does reciprocate Jiahan’s feelings, but to discourage him from coming out and becoming a social pariah for being gay. Birdy himself doesn’t mind being an outcast, but he does not want to see the same thing happen to the one he loves. So instead of letting Jiahan do that, he tries to discourage Jiahan from ever pursuing him by getting a girlfriend and suggest Jiahan does the same. In the same day, both Jiahan and Birdy come to opposite realizations about their feelings for the other, thereby changing their dynamic for the course of the movie. Someone else has picked apart Birdy’s scene in their own post. If you haven’t read that analysis, please go read it, because its really good at explaining Birdy’s character since most of his story isn’t directly revealed to us. We must read inbetween the lines and piece it together, which can be confusing on a first watch.

Anyways, now we can focus on Jiahan. At this point in the movie, Jiahan is trying to understand why he’s upset that Birdy is showing interest in a girl in their band while dealing with his own internalized homophobia and denial over his sexuality. He then turns to the only out gay person he knows -- Xie Zhenhong, who he sees in the cafeteria with new bruises on his face. He looks at Jiahan with a smile. This makes me feel like Zhenhong probably picked up on Jiahan and Birdy’s feelings for each other since last year, when he saw them exit the same stall in the bathroom. Having been the Distinguished Out Person in a group before, I can definitely relate to the way Zhenhong reacts to Jiahan. It the typical “oh honey, you don’t realize it yet, but I know you’re gay” reaction. 

 Jiahan waits outside the cafeteria and calls out to out him from behind. At first Zhenhong ignores him as we can see that he smirks a bit when he first speaks. He definitely heard Jiahan but doesn’t answer him until he repeats himself a few times. Zhenhong purposely stops when the two are in front of the stained glass window, away from others. Jiahan’s word choice towards Zhenhong is also interesting as he addresses him as “學弟” which is a term for an underclassman. To my understanding, it’s not overly formal nor is it overly familiar, however it is the nicest way that anyone has addressed him all movie. Jiahan than asks him who gave him those bruises, showing concern for his well being. He then reveals why he stopped Zhenhong saying “Actually I want to ask you, when did you start liking boys?” This really seals the deal to Zhenhong that Jiahan is talking to him to try and sort out his own feelings towards Birdy. While his suggestion that Zhenhong perhaps “see a doctor” or “consider getting a girlfriend” read as a microaggression to most viewers, Zhenhong himself can tell that Jiahan is asking him this in good faith. And perhaps, this might be the most understanding anyone has been towards him since Birdy helped him out prior. Before he responds, he looks up at Jiahan and fixes his bangs. This all stumps Jiahan whose eyes dart around, speechless. Zhenhong then circles his arms around Jiahan’s neck, a very intimate gesture, and studies him for a moment. We cannot see Jiahan’s face at this moment but he does shuffle slightly, his body language nervous and confused, but not upset. After looking at him, Zhenhong then goes in closer, assumedly to kiss him. At this point, Jiahan physically stops him and grabs him by the throat. However, Jiahan’s face doesn’t seem to be angry, if anything, his face looks more scared and confused-- akin to a ‘what are you doing?’ moment.

Initially Zhenhong’s choice to kiss Jiahan read very...strangely to me. Why would the screenwriter, as a gay man that grew up in the 80’s, choose to include this? What was there to gain? To me it seemed like it was reinforcing the stereotype of gay men being overly flirtacious and viewed as predators. Why show a nonconsentual attempted kiss at all? I thought about it a lot, both for this scene and the following one with the old man and later between Jiahan and Birdy because it seemed?? Odd to me?? Isn’t that a disservice in representing gay men? I don’t fully have the right answer but I feel like by writing the scene like this, it goes to demonstrate how Jiahan still isn’t fully comfortable with being gay. And also that lgbt people, especially teens, aren’t always going to be good rep. Liu Kuang-hui wasn’t writing the movie to be an perfect, morally uplifting, santized gay narritive. He was writing something that spoke to his real life experience as a gay man in 1980’s Taiwan. In real life, people do questionable things and good narratives are supposed to make you question characters and their actions and judge for yourself whether what they did was right or wrong. The narrative isn’t looking to condemn Xie Zhenhong for doing this. Xie Zhenhong is ultimately a victim of violent homophobia, that will not hide himself or his sexuality despite the violence he faces. He isn’t perfect, nor is Jiahan, nor is Birdy, nor is anyone in the film. 

Although now having rewatched this scene upwards of eight times in writing this, it feels like Zhenhong didn’t assume this action to be without consent. Of course, no words were explicitly exchanged about kissing, and I’m not trying to make the case that it’s okay to kiss someone without their consent, that’s harassment. However, Zhenhong did gave Jiahan time to express his discomfort before proceeding. Zhenhong first got close to Jiahan by brushing his bangs, Jiahan did not say anything or look visibly uncomfortable. He then put his arms around Jiahan’s neck, and stared at him for a good ten seconds. At this point, Jiahan had time to say he was uncomfortable. As we know it, consent does indeed entail a verbal, understood yes from both parties. However given the context, I can understand why Zhenhong thought that Jiahan was consenting at that moment. However the moment Jiahan revoked his consent Zhenhong stopped trying to kiss him. Zhenhong shouldn’t have gone in without getting verbal consent, and Jiahan could’ve done something other than grabbing him by the throat. They were both in the wrong. Violence shouldn’t have been the reaction, nor should’ve kissing someone without their verbal consent. The lines were very blurred, and proper communication could’ve resulted in a better interaction but like I mentioned above, I don’t think the writers wanted to portray the scene in that way. The intent was not to say that Zhenhong’s actions were romantic or something to emulate. It was very purposeful in showing to interplay of homophobia, gay desire, and religion.

The scene is set up like a religious confession. Zhenhong purposefully leads Jiahan to the stained glass, a metaphor for his religious guilt. He doesn’t look Zhenhong in the eyes, his voice is hushed, and body language nervous, and troubled-- it communicates to Zhenhong that he thinks he may be gay and wants either reassurance that he isn’t or acceptance that is. Regardless, it’s a very vulnerable and intimate moment. Jiahan is facing him like ‘hey, I know my friends were bullying you and I wanted to save you but was too much of a coward and almost took part in harming you. I’m sorry. I know you saw that me and Birdy were in the same stall together, and that you saw me just telling him not to talk to the girls, and neither of those are heterosexual things to do. Please, help me.’ He’s asking Zhenhong to pass judgement on him, is he gay or not? By virtue of even asking that question, they both know the answer -- Jiahan is in love with Birdy, but whether Jiahan can accept that or not is up to him. In a way, Zhenhong is testing Jiahan to see how honest he can be with himself. By approaching him like that, he’s testing to see whether Jiahan can accept being intimate with a man or not. It’s not a good or ethical test, but it sure is effective. Because in his head, Jiahan is coming to realize that he doesn’t mind a man being close to him in a romantic way. Although, he isn’t fully there yet. He still grabs Zhenhong. But as Zhenhong stares at him despite the hand around his throat, Jiahan really has to think about his actions. Is that what he really wants to do, or is that what he’s been taught to do? It illustrates his internalized homophobia perfectly. Jiahan is literally staring gay desire in the face, rejecting it, while in front of his religion. Zhenhong finally answers Jiahan that “he has always loved boys since he was little, it’s never changed.” Upon hearing that his grip loosens and he pulls away. And the fact that we can hear him well means that Jiahan was never choking him, his hand was there, but not gripping. Zhenhong pulls him in closer and tilts his head, and says “and it never will.”  Zhenhong’s words are very deliberate. It’s as if he anticipated this might happen and knew exactly what to say. He wants to carve it in Jiahan’s brain that no one chooses to be gay. They always are and no amount of denial, like the kind Jiahan is showing, will change that. He then finally lets go of Jiahan, who is speechless, he thanks him, and leaves. Jiahan, however, stays there for a second, processing everything that has happened, and breathes heavily before the scene cuts to later that day.

Finally, I would like to examine exactly what Zhenhong’s “thanks” even means. Why would Zhenhong be thanking Jiahan? On the surface, it lookslike Jiahan waited for this guy to finish eating, then asked him invasive questions about his sexuality and suggest he should get help and then almost choked him. This should count as a microagression at best and an attempted hate crime at worst. But, as I just dived into, this wasn’t a bad faith jeer by Jiahan in order to bully Zhenhong, this was a genuine cry for help made by a deeply confused teenager. I feel like the “thanks.” at the end of the scene was perhaps just as puzzling to me as when I thought about why the staff would have that scene play out like that in the first place? I think his thanks is conveying many things. Firstly, thanking him for not actually hurting him and allowing him to have a semi normal interaction with a student of the same gender. As far as we know, many,  MANY different students have tried to hurt him in the new semester alone. Hell, we literally do not even know his name as everyone refers to him by the q slur or some other derogatory term, which speaks a lot to how he is treated. He also may be saying thanks for actually asking him about his sexuality. While Jiahan still followed it up with a suggestion he see a doctor, he still genuinely wanted to know why rather fully assume he has something wrong with him. Also, I feel like he might be thanking Jiahan for being brave enough to actually confront his sexualtiy and ask Zhenhong for help in the first place. Zhenhong really seems to be alone as the only gay student at the school but now knowing that Jiahan is realizing thathe’s gay as well, might make him be hopeful that things may slowly begin to change. Sadly, this interaction is the last time we see Xie Zhenhong all film which sucks because I really liked him. And I feel like it would’ve been really nice to see him after the time skip or at least have Jiahan mention him because this moment was one of the things that really made Jiahan start to accept his sexuality. A cut scene with Father Oliver also contributed, but I really wish Xie Zhenhong got more narrative than being the only out student that was then violently bullied. But, I acknowledge that MANY scenes were cut from the film for length so I can’t complain to much.

Oh god, that was a lot to say about a scene that was literally a minute and thirty seconds long. In conclusion!! I just had a lot of things to say about this scene and the scenes surrounding it. I think Jiahan is just a very painfully relatable character for many LGBT viewers and he was incredibly relatable for me which is why I felt the need to spend my day off writing this as opposed to doing homework. This scene is incredibly rich on many levels and I really appreciate YNEH as a whole for not spoonfeeding the viewer information and letting us interpret and question the scenes on our own and come to our own conclusions about the characters and yea. There’s so much going on and a lot of nuance and idk how to properly convey a lot of my thoughts but I tried really hard bc i really do love this movie. I really was puzzled by this scene at first, but now having examined it, it is my favorite scene in the movie. If this scene was changed in any way to make it more palatable, it would’ve been nearly as impactful which was a hard decision to come to, but I stand by it. I don’t know if I feel the same about other scenes but I will be reviewing YNEH as a whole in a different post. I have much more to say but my thoughts on this scene were far too long to not make it a separate post of its own. In essence, YNEH is about growing up and accepting yourself in all ways. Not all of those things are pleasant but if you cannot accept those things about yourself, you’re doomed to be miserable until you can live life unburdened by your own and societies limitations. Goodnight, my fingers hurt.

[writingwithcolor]

Announcement: No Longer Answering Rubber Stamp Questions

Introduction

Here at Writing With Color, we’ve noticed a shift in the questions we are receiving. In the past, the majority of questions challenged the necessity of diversity in fiction or asked for assistance in making diversity seem more plausible in world-building. We also received many questions on how to describe and characterize people of color in respectful ways that didn’t demonize different races, ethnicities and religions.

By and large, we see that our followers understand why these concepts are important, and for that we congratulate you! This kind of progress takes real, long-term, internal work. Our team hopes that any advice or input you received from us over the years has helped you continue to develop as a writer. We hope you will continue to support us in the future and are especially pleased to hear from our non-white commenters who have let us know when our content has let them feel seen or heard.

However…

We have noticed a recent trend in asks that is discouraging. Many askers seem concerned with receiving our blanket approval of a particular concept or character. These asks often don’t provide us with the direction and context crucial to providing advice from a race or ethnicity-based perspective. Examples include:

“I’m writing a character from [insert background] who has [insert traits]. Is this ok?”

“I’m creating a world where I have made [insert concept] the basis of my world-building. Is this allowed?”

Hi, I’m a [insert identity]. Is it problematic to have [concept/ character] in my story?

“I’m creating a [Race A] character with [these] traits, a [Ethnicity 1] character with [those] traits, a [Race B] character with [some other traits] and a [sex/ gender minority] character with a [different set of traits]. Is this combination offensive?

We call these questions rubber stamp questions. If this describes your question, there’s no need to feel bad. We realize that there was never an explicit explanation of this concept. In addition, our team is mindful of the changing demographics of tumblr that might make it mean we are receiving questions from a younger user-base are not yet familiar with many of the principles we outline on this website. However, on that note…

What is Rubber Stamping?

Rubber stamping refers to the practice of seeking an endorsement without questioning or seeking to alter the status quo. The purpose of Writing With Color is to be a focal point for discussion about diversity in writing rather than simply prescribe a series of corrective measures. Without knowing the asker’s intent (Which we can’t, since we aren’t mind readers), our moderators are not in a position to provide you with carte blanche for your writing concept in the name of all other non-white people. Yes, we have a certain level of skill and expertise on many of these topics, but we are not here to take on the burden of all PoC to approve your writing choices. Nor would it be fair to other PoC if you took our response as a reason to dismiss the perspectives of other PoC (An unfortunately common phenomenon).  

Bluntly, on the moderator end, these asks are also incredibly frustrating because they are vague and thus:

Time consuming

Labor intensive (mentally and emotionally)

The last example from the previous section (AKA “Laundry lists”) is particularly time consuming because multiple moderators must collaborate to produce an answer that boils down to each moderator saying, “I guess it depends??? *shrug*” but in slightly different ways.

Perhaps the biggest problem with rubber stamp asks is they feel (to us) like they are more about the asker’s desire for closure/ approval/ virtue signaling than a willingness to participate in the kind of education and discussion on diversity we are trying to foster on this blog.

To that effect: We will no longer be answering such questions.

(If you sent in such ask before this goes up on November 15th, 2020, a moderator may reach out to you individually to better address your inquiry as submitted.)

However: Don’t worry! We also are here to teach you how to makes these questions better!

Fixing Rubber Stamp questions:

1. Be specific.

Instead of Can I/ May I, try “How can I” or “When can I” or “What can I”?

Thus instead of: “I’m Christian. May I create a Jewish character seeking to become an actress in 1920s Hollywood?” —> “How do I, as a Christian, create a compelling Jewish character while being mindful of the interplay between my own intrinsic bias and historical accounts of prominent Jewish figures in early Hollywood?”Or, instead of: “I want to write a story about a modern day piracy in the East Indian Ocean, but with magic. Is this problematic? —> “Given the continuation of modern day piracy in the East Indian Ocean, what are some tropes I should avoid if I decide to go with a modern fantasy set in this region?”

2. Remember: The goal is improved understanding, not approval. Sometimes, you really just want to know *why* you can’t use a particular concept, and that curiosity is good! Questions that ask “Why?” in good faith are often how you can learn a lot about your own intrinsic biases and the limits of your own knowledge.

Thus, instead of: If I write about [controversial topic], am I a bad person? —> Why is it better for someone like me to not write about [controversial topic]?

This approach has the bonus effect of making us feel like you actually care about what we think.

3. Write your question as a draft: Edit your ask at least once or twice to provide as much information as possible while being concise. I’ve told this to college students before, but I can tell when a person wrote their assignment by the quality of the writing. Writing done late at night, when sleep deprived and without at least one edit contains extraneous information while not having a clear point.

Going through your question (Preferably a day after you wrote it) will help you narrow down what you really want to know.

Remember: You all have free will and can write whatever you please. We presume that you seek WWC’s input because you wish to write on issues pertaining to people of color with greater levels of awareness. On a practical note, we recognize that social media, trolling, call-outs, doxxing and other dimensions of cyberbullying make writers online hesitant to do anything unless they think they have the majority of the public on their side. There are times when it is obvious that the asker is asking more because they need approval to feel less anxious when they share their work with others.

However, if the above is your worry, either you aren’t ready to write on this topic or you need to rethink the boundaries you set with the online communities/ individuals you interact with as well as how you manage your internet presence. With respect to personal anxieties when it comes to writing, morality, your conscience and so forth, we recommend turning to your own support systems IRL. As relative strangers on the internet, we are not well-qualified to allay personal concerns.

Remember: Writing with diversity is like training for a marathon. Give yourself permission to expand your comfort zone at the pace your research capabilities and experience allow!

We appreciate that you all trust us to provide helpful, well-thought out feedback for your ideas, and we also thank you for respecting our perspectives even if you may disagree. In the same vein, we request that you put the level of thought into your questions you think appropriate given that another human being is going to spend, at a minimum, several hours coming up with their response. We look forward to hearing from you! 

- The WWC Team

(A link to this article will be added to the pinned FAQ for everyone’s reference)

[thechekhov]

Hi! I saw on a post that you're agender and I'm kinda questioning my gender (again) but what interested me more about that post was that you said you believe that gender is a social construct and I'm not really familiar with that theory. I was wondering if you could explain to me what the whole idea is? (bc I kinda only feel like a have a gender in social situations? In my head, my dreams and how I picture myself in the future, I'm genderless idjskahwksjejensj) Sorry for bothering you if I did.

This is a BIG topic and it opens a LOT of wormholes. 

We’re gonna do this in pie slice statements that will hopefully help explain what I mean. Please keep in mind I’m going to simplify many things for the sake of readability.

1) What is a social construct? 

Social constructs are ideas that are negotiated by social groups. Something being a social construct does not make it ‘not real’. 

For example, money is a social construct. Yes, we have cash - coins, credit cards - but these are physical props that are REPRESENTATIVE of the idea of currency. You have some form of credit to your name - the money is a socially agreed-upon idea of value being represented by bills in your hand, by numbers in your bank account. 

[Description: Two humanoid figures are standing side by side. The right-side figure is holding a rock in its hand. 

Right side figure: Let’s agree that this shiny rock is worth 2 sheep.

Left side figure: Sounds fake but ok.]

Technically, countries are also social constructs. We, as a society, negotiate what a country is, and this can be changed.

[Description: Two figures are standing on either side of a dotted line drawn on the ground. The left figure is pointing down at it while the right figure watches, its arms crossed.

Left figure: Let’s pretend that everything on this side of the imaginary line is mine.

Right figure: ...ok but my house is over there.

Left figure: ... for 3 shiny rocks you can come visit.]

Does that mean canada isn’t real? No. (I mean, obviously canada ISN’T real, but we all agree to pretend it is.) The thing that makes it real is that we are in agreement, and all follow the social rules of pretend to make it seem like the Canadian border, the idea of Canadian citizenship, etc... is an objective fact. (It’s not. These are in fact, negotiable limits and parameters. We have laws in place to define it in legal terms, but those laws can be changed, or may change in the minds of communities. That’s why it’s a construct.)

By that same token, I hold the view that gender, as we largely perceive it in modern society, is a construct. Why? Because it is not inherent; we, as a society, negotiate its meaning. 

2) What is gender? 

People will probably fight me on this and that’s fine, but here’s my (simplified) understanding of gender (from someone who personally has none)

Gender is a social category negotiated by cultures based on your assigned or desired role in your community that influences, among many other things, your physical appearance, your role in family units, your expected position in jobs, etc. 

How I think it happened:

[Description: Two figures are standing on either side of the panel, both holding children-looking figures. The one on the left is wearing purple. The one on the right is wearing green.

Green figure: Hey, I’ve got an idea. What if we separate the babies into two groups based on physical traits they have no control over?

Purple figure: Wh-- okay...?

Green figure: And then limit the jobs they can do and the community ritual involvement available to them based on that!

Purple figure: ... I feel like this is going to backfire on us someday.

Green figure: Nah, it’ll be fine.

The past panel is a dramatic closeup on the purple figure’s face - which is featureless - betraying a deeply doubtful emotion. It says nothing.]

Important points to remember: what gender looks like, what the limits are, what the expectations are... are not inherent to any human biology. We make up gender roles. This is evident in the fact that across the world, gender roles differ by culture. The positions people of a certain gender are allowed to take up are different. What is perceived to be ‘girly’ or ‘boyish’ is different across cultures. 

Simply speaking - currently the (western) model we have, dumbed down, is:

You are assigned male at birth because of physical characteristics

You are raised being told to ‘toughen up’ and ‘boys don’t cry’ and encouraged not to show emotions

You are taught to wear male-coded clothes and discouraged from female-coded fashion choices

You are given more opportunities to participate in sports, encouraged to engage in physical activity, etc

You are not expected to need time off for child-rearing 

Here’s where gender as it works in society breaks down into being not a real thing but instead something we thought up: 

Nothing about having a penis necessitates wearing pants. Nothing about having XY chromosomes means you need to keep your hair short. Nothing about your genome makes the experience of nail-polish different for any human being. 

All of these are arbitrary traits we decided were allowed or not allowed to a specific group of people based on entirely unrelated physiology. 

Even if we delve deeper, there is MORE variation among individuals of the same ‘sex’ than there are, on average, of members of the ‘opposite sex’ when compared to each other. 

Many people use the excuse ‘women are physically not as strong as men’ to say that this has an evolutionary aspect driving these cultural, historical, socially-constructed gender requirements. 

But if there was a physical reasoning behind the culturally-set gender-limited job expectations, then we actually WOULDN’T need a traditional binary gender system to sort ourselves into categories. It would simply be decided as a meritocracy - stronger individuals, regardless of gender, would be given physically-demanding jobs. (Also we know that many jobs thought to be ‘traditionally male’ are just the result of sexist bullshit, so this reasoning doesn’t fly any further than I can throw it which is, coincidentally, not very far. Politics is one such area. Doctors are another. We can go on but I think you get my drift.)

My own example of this is an anecdote when my grandparents came to visit my partner and I in Japan. While we were driving down to Tokyo, my grandmother - who has a PhD in entomology - began to say that driving is a masculine activity and women shouldn’t be driving as it was ‘un-woman-like’. My partner almost immediately fired back that in Japan, studying insects or having any interest in them whatsoever was considered a heavily masculine-coded activity. In Russia, there is no such assignment, and my grandmother was left silently blinking in confusion, unable to come up with any excuse except ‘well, all cultures are different, I suppose...’

Do either of these things inherently have a gendered aspect? Of course not! But we assign gendered ideals to them anyway.

3) If gender is made up and constructed by society, then does that mean trans people aren’t real?

No.

Even if you agree that gender is a social construct, trans people are still real. TERFs don’t get a pass. Why? 

Because gender - as a social construct - still affects our everyday lives, dictates our social position in our community. Transitioning is still a thing that has to happen. The fact that you are NOT easily able to decide your own gender and are ostracized for wanting to transition, abused for dressing the way you want to be perceived, and bullied for wanting people to refer to you with different pronouns - all those are the effects of a social construct that has very REAL impact on our lives.

This is also why I dislike defining trans-ness by dysphoria. Because transgender people are not only their suffering - the suffering is coming from the outside!! Many trans people remember not being concerned about their gender identity in their childhood, because they did not yet perceive the world as being hostile to their desire to fulfil a specific role in society. The issues and self-hatred and dysphoria begins when they express wanting to be themselves - a life which they are forbidden from pursuing based on physical characteristics they were born with.

Does this mean we should try to remove gender from society? If we constructed it, we can deconstruct it, right?

Realistically, I highly doubt this is possible. Gender is so ingrained in our daily lives that it would be difficult. Nor, I would say, would it be necessary to achieve world peace. 

Having social groups - having gender - isn’t inherently a bad thing. The bad thing is when we limit those social groups to specific basic human rights, like voting, or when we forbid them from transitioning from one to another based on things that are out of their control. 

Also, I’m not saying genitals and secondary sexual characteristics aren’t real. Please don’t bother sending me that angry message, I’ll ignore it, I promise. 

But the concept of gender IS something we thought up and maintain and negotiate with each other to this very day. It’s not granted to us by a higher power, nor is it a constant, unchanging thing. It’s a part of the human experience and like everything, it has the potential to evolve - as a concept in our communal memory, as well as on an individual level, for people who feel they want to be perceived differently. 

Thanks for coming to my TEDtalk!

[blarfkey]

Tips on Beta-ing Fic in Fandom

Hello! So I’ve noticed from some of my experiences and the experiences of others that not everyone fully understands how to beta a fic or how to ask for a beta reader.

And I get it. Editing is a delicate process, it's terrifying to ask someone to look at your work, and it's equally terrifying to feel responsible for the quality of someone else’s writing. 

So I decided to write up a little guide. I enjoy being a beta reader and learned how to while I got my minor in creative writing and through participation in many writer workshops but being a good beta doesn’t require an education like that.  A lot of bad experiences I’ve seen or heard about could be avoided with communication and basic courtesy.

More under the cut:

First of all, there are different levels of editing that require different levels of depth and commitment. A lot of issues crop up when two people have a different idea of what’s expected. So here is a way of looking at the different levels.

1. SPAG (SPelling And Grammar): This is the most basic level and has the least amount of time commitment. The beta looks for issues in grammar and spelling such as: comma rules, homophones, run on sentences, anything that obscures meaning, ect. This is the easiest level to ask for since it requires a basic read through and no knowledge of canon or characters or the fandom at all. If you are with a new beta whom you don’t know well, I would start with just this level. 

2. Flow and Efficiency: this gets a little deeper into SPAG. A beta on this level would flag passages that slow down the pace of the story, words that are repeated too often, dialogue that doesn’t make sense or sounds awkward, pronoun confusion, sentence/paragraph order, ect. This requires more time and re-reading the fic more than once to do a thorough job. 

3. Characterization: This deals with how in character your dialogue and actions feel in your story. If you’re writing a character for the first time or you don’t have a full understanding of them in canon, it can be helpful to ask a writer well versed in writing that character to take a look at your characterization. This does require more of a commitment than the others and you need to communicate with each other to discuss what seemed out of character and why and what alternatives could be taken instead.

4. Plot and Story: This is the  biggest commitment for a beta and not something you ask a person to do real quick or even ask a person to do if you don’t know them very well. This type of editing asks someone to look at the story overall and see what is working and what is not working as far as plot goes.

Did the writer develop the story in a way that makes sense, did they lay down the seeds of the development throughout the fic, are they sticking to a theme, are they contradicting themselves throughout the fic, did they repeat a scene, ect? For multi-chapter fics, this requires a long term beta/writer relationship over the course of each chapter update.

You should not ask someone brand new to beta at this level for an update chapter, especially if they haven’t read your other chapters first or aren’t familiar with your writing. This level requires an immense amount of trust between beta and author and a huge time commitment for a beta.

~~~

Now that we understand the different levels of editing, here are some common courtesy guidelines for both authors and betas:

Author:

1. Decide beforehand what level you want your fic to be beta’d for. Communicate clearly exactly what you want your beta to look for and at what level you would like them to edit. You don’t have to use my guideline above exactly, but be clear if you want deeper edits than SPAG, for example. And understand that deeper edits, such as on structure and plot and characterization, require a lot of commitment on behalf of the beta reader. It’s understandable if they do not or are unable to give you that level of commitment so be clear about it upfront. 

2. Be clear on your deadline of when you want this done.

3. Be clear on the length, pairing/characters involved, rating, and major content warnings when asking for a beta. 

4. If you share a google doc, do not let any beta have full editing privileges. Even if you trust them, you won’t be able to see all the changes they make so you can learn from your mistakes. Keep the restrictions to commenter only. 

5. Be upfront and honest about  how sensitive you are to different kinds of feedback. Especially if you’ve been hurt in the past, be honest about what feedback you do not want.

6. Remember, you do not have to change everything a beta suggests. This is your story and even though they’ve done you a favor, it's ultimately your decision and judgement on your own fic.

That being said, you don’t need to argue with a beta about their suggestions. If you don’t agree with most or all of their ideas, they are not the beta for you. Thank them for their time and then follow through with your own suggestions or find a different beta.

Beta/Editor: Here are some basic courtesy rules you should follow when you are beta-ing.

1. Do not engage with fic that makes you uncomfortable, even if you want to be kind to a friend. Your reluctance shines through in your efforts and it does not end well for anyone. If you start a fic and then find you are uncomfortable with it, politely tell your author that you cannot continue. Do not do so in a way that shames their fic. You do not have to go into personal reasons why you cannot finish the fic, just tell them you are unable to do so. 

2. Stick to the deadline you agreed to. If something comes up, let the author know as soon as possible so they can find someone else, especially if they are on a publishing schedule or have an exchange deadline. 

3. Word all your non-spelling edits as suggestions, not commands. Ultimately any changes are the author’s decision and up to their discretion so it comes off as very rude and controlling when you use commands, as if you naturally know better than the author does at telling their own story. This also means that you should not change anything in the document without telling the author if they have given you full edit access on a google doc or word doc, ect. 

Some ways of phrasing you can use to make suggestions:

     A. “Could” and “can” instead of “should” and “need”.

For example:  For example, Maybe you could move this paragraph to the beginning because of ____ reason instead of You need to move this paragraph to the beginning. 

     B. “I think” at the beginning of a suggestion, so it's clear it's your opinion and nothing else.

I think this paragraph works better at the front of the chapter rather than the end.

     C. “Maybe” with a question mark.

This is one of my favorites. Think of it like brainstorming with someone. Maybe you could move this paragraph to the front of the chapter? Maybe X Character could do Y instead?

4. Always explain why you would make a change to story, flow, or characterization so the author understands your intent and reasoning.  

5. Do not judge someone’s writing. This is their story and their ideas. Do not try to steer the plot in the direction you would want to take it, do not kinkshame any of their smut, do not criticize their story/pairing choices because they aren’t to your tastes. The goal is to improve what they already have, not change it to match what you personally like. 

6. Do not offer only critical feedback without something positive. This is very important. Even if you are just at level one SPAG, leave a comment or highlight a passage, turn of phrase, line of dialogue that you enjoyed or leave a note at the bottom of something you think they did well. 

Asking for critical feedback is terrifying, and if there is not a balance of positive and constructive feedback, authors can be discouraged from writing further if they think all they write is bad or needs work. 

The way I did it in writing workshops is that I put every negative comment in between two positive comments. This might be unrealistic for beta, but you cannot beta a fic without leaving any positive feedback at all. 

~~~

Communication and clear expectations go a long way in a good author/beta relationship. It helps to find someone whose fic they have written or bookmarked align with your own tastes if you want deeper edits. Make sure you have similar ideas on characterization, head-canons, interpretations of canon lore.

At the end of the day, however, it’s fanfiction. It is written for free and for fun. Little things that would not cut it in professional publication can slide in an fanfic and there should not be pressure to make a fic as perfect as a professional, published piece unless the author gives you that explicit expectation.

Please comment or send an ask/message if you have any questions about beta-ing!

[what-even-is-thiss]

Spirituality anon here! Thanks for your help, Roman! I really appreciate you taking the time to answer my question. I have one more, and no need to answer it if it’s too uncomfortable or sensitive, but do all Christian churches expect members to believe every part of the gospel? Idk if I’m using that term correctly. I know there is a belief about going to hell/not being “saved” if you don’t believe in Christ and idk if that is all Christianity or just some denominations. If I didn’t want subscribe to that belief, for example, but was still interested in theology and learning the messages of the Bible, understanding verses, and listening to sermons, would I still be able to “join” a church? Or am I better off looking into other ways to practice my spirituality (Unitarianism, Buddhism etc)? Again I understand this is a bit more of a sensitive question so no worries if you can’t answer it! Thanks again and have a great day x

The Bible isn’t actually super clear on the existence of Hell. Lutheran churches (what I belong to) generally let members decide if they believe in Hell and I personally don’t believe in Hell and believe that whatever death/heaven involves really isn’t something that living people are meant to understand so I focus mostly on what my religion means for me in the here and now while I’m alive.

However, a lot of denominations will focus heavily on the afterlife. Southern Baptists and Independent Baptists come to mind for me personally because historically those are the people that have yelled at me on street corners for not being baptist. Not all baptist churches are like that though. Some are really chill. Again, a lot of stuff depends on the culture of individual churches.

I could be wrong but I believe that currently Catholicism defines Hell as being far from God and Heaven as being close to God so technically I guess you could be in Heaven or hell right now according to that.

If you’re interested in a particular church or denomination you can often Google what they believe about being “saved” or their stance on Heaven and Hell. A lot of more charismatic movements will be really dramatic and call people during worship services who feel called to be saved to stand in front of the crowd and have hands layed on them. This personally makes me really uncomfortable but it is a fulfilling experience for some people.

As far as believing the whole gospel? It depends. Generally if a church’s website states that they believe that the Bible is the literal word of god and must be taken literally that’s a red flag. They’re probably fundies.

The general hard and solid rule that unites all Christians is that Jesus represents God’s plan to save humanity (in whatever way they interpret that) and that you’re not allowed to worship other gods apart from the one god (the trinity). Christianity weirdly enough doesn’t necessarily require the denial of the existence of other gods or religions. If you want to follow the rules though the one solid thing almost all Christians have in common is that you’re not allowed to worship other gods and idols. A lot of folks even go as far to say that you can’t idolize humans or ideas. Being an especially rabid Justin Bieber fan, for example. But not everyone goes that far with it.

Some Christians are also Buddhists because technically Buddhism is also just a philosophy so if you don’t worship Buddha that’s allowed.

If you look long enough you’ll likely find a church that agrees with you or will at least be accepting of your different ideas. Especially if you live in a big city. Some Christian churches even openly accept non believers into their communities but I’m not gonna pretend like they’re the majority or even easy to find.

Getting started with religion for the first time can be a long journey sometimes full of a lot of research and false starts. Don’t get discouraged if the first church you find isn’t as great as you thought it was. Church shopping is a little bit like dating. Both you and the congregation have to like each other and have some similar values. Sometimes it’s love at first sight, sometimes the love grows over time, sometimes nothing ever clicks perfectly, sometimes over time you grow apart. And that’s life, I think.

But hey, there’s always the Unitarians. They’ll take anybody. And they’re pretty cool. My dad goes to a Unitarian church sometimes because he’s secular but he likes the structure of religion and if I’m being honest sometimes I go to the Unitarian church to celebrate the solstices and equinoxes and they’re always very kind to me when I visit.

[chaerincore]

"THE SECRET DIARIES" DOCU-SERIES

EPISODE 3 "CLOSURE"

AIR DATE FEBRUARY 14, 2022

SUMMARY eunwoo shares the struggles that he faced with sakura as long-time trainees, the feeling of losing part of his childhood, and why it’s so much harder today to show his true self.

EPISODE MASTERLIST

"WHILE WATCHING SAKURA FILM ALONE JUST NOW, I REALLY DID FEEL MORE TERRIFIED THAN I DID WHEN WE FIRST DEBUTED ON TELEVISION." EUNWOO ADMITTED AS HE MADE HIMSELF COMFORTABLE ON THE CUSHIONED COUCH, A NERVOUS SMILE GRACED HIS LIPS, "I’VE NEVER REALLY OPENED UP TO THE WORLD BEFORE. BEING VULNERABLE WITH ANYONE BESIDES MY MEMBERS IS SOMETHING I’M NOT THE BEST AT, BUT I WANT TO TRY.”

THE QUESTIONS ROUND

YOU TRAINED FOR NEARLY EIGHT YEARS BEFORE DEBUTING. THIS MEANS YOU WERE NO MORE THAN TWELVE YEARS OLD WHEN YOU STARTED. WHAT WAS IT LIKE? WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO BECOME AN IDOL?

“i was always in love with singing, and it’s also something that one of my older sisters, soomin, loves too. i knew i had a gift long before i was eleven. i wanted to be like my sister, who is also an idol herself, and sing on a stage one day. i wanted to become an idol because of her, she’s just so incredible, kind, and talented. our parents were never fond of us being performers because they felt it wasn’t a reasonable or secure career, but both soomin and i were so determined that convincing us otherwise was useless. in my early years as a trainee, my parents still helped out a lot and let me chase my dreams despite not fully being on board with it… but as soon as i turned 16, i moved into this hole-in-the-wall apartment with sakura, we put our money together and somehow made it work. we were just kids, but we had each other and we were too stubborn to give up.”

“being a trainee for so long had really put my self-confidence and trust to the test — so many years passing and still not debuting? it can be very discouraging, and the fact that my original 2016 debut was cancelled too didn’t make it any better. it’s hard because you question if you’re doing enough, but learning how to trust the process became such an important lesson for me.”

WHEN WAS THE MOMENT WHERE YOU LOOKED AT SAKURA AND DECIDED TO STICK WITH HER?

“the second i met her, i remember feeling so determined to make her my best friend. it seems childish from a glance, but the older i get, the more i understand and realize that the universe clearly wanted us to be side by side… she came to our former company with very little understanding of korean, and i was the only trainee in the company who could help her.”

“i’d always dreamed of having a younger sibling in my life, so meeting sakura made me excited — there is no defining moment for me because she’s been through all of my growing pains and hardships. i’d never go back and redo everything unless i’d end up finding her again.”

OUT OF ALL THE HARDSHIPS THAT YOU ENDURED WHILE TRAINING, WHAT WAS THE HARDEST PART OF IT ALL?

“the hardest part for me to come to terms with was that i lost a part of my childhood that i’ll never get back. even though debuting felt out of reach, i spent my teen years training and making sure that our maknae grew up well. where i don’t regret the path i walked on to get to where i am today, every now and then i do get a little upset that i never had a fulfilling experience as a teenager. when i look at the person that i am behind my idol image, sometimes i feel like i’m too mature and serious for my own good, now.”

WHEN YOUR ORIGINAL 2016 DEBUT WAS CANCELLED, DID YOU THINK ABOUT LEAVING AFTER BEING PLACED IN THIS CURRENT LINEUP?

“i don’t think i ever considered leaving until i realized that somewhere along the line, sakura was going to do it if we had stayed with STELLAR. in my heart, i knew that when we met the older members, i should take a chance on it, so i did. i would be lying if i said i didn’t understand why they put the kind of people that we were into a group like this… but now i understand it.”

EVEN AFTER YOUR PARENTS LEFT YOU ON YOUR OWN, DO YOU STILL STAY IN TOUCH WITH YOUR FAMILY?

“i talk to my two older sisters all of the time, but it’s my parents that i don’t speak to anymore. every new year i send them money for them to use as a way to showcase that i’m still around and love them, but i never hear from them in return. sometimes it still stings my heart, but the feeling becomes numb with time.”

WHO IS/ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON/PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE?

“i’m not saying this to be cliché, but my members are the most important people in my life; we like to think that us being put together was fate, if i were to be with any other group i don’t think i would’ve made it this far. the most important person in my life is definitely sakura. we have this insane amount of synergy together, she helped me feel like i was somebody in this world.”

THE FINAL CUT

QUITE OFTEN, YOU SAY THAT BECAUSE YOU’RE AN IDOL, IT CAN BE HARD TO EXPRESS WHO YOU ARE. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? WHAT IS IT THAT YOU’RE WANTING TO SAY? THIS IS YOUR LAST QUESTION, SO PLEASE ANSWER CAREFULLY.

“this can mean a lot… there’s the usual things you lose once gaining fame, like privacy. but then there is this part of you that wants to be as genuine and true to the public eye, but you really can’t because if they knew, you could be the cost of everyone’s hard work—”

“excuse me! cut, please— or whatever it’s called, i’m so sorry!” sakura spoke up in a panicked yet polite tone, beating AJ and hyewon to the set before eunwoo could go any further after realizing what he was about to do.

she thought the camera wasn’t filming them anymore, so the youngest of the four rushed to her best friend’s side.

but the camera was still rolling.

“eunwoo… hun… this is huge, are you sure you want to do this? you could get serious backlash for this, i don’t want you to be or get in danger.” she asked in a whisper, resorting to english as she glanced over at their older members — who sat back but watching nervously, not hearing anything besides the two speaking in english and sakura’s geordie accent shamelessly slipping through.

“chae, you know more than anyone else on this planet that i need this.” eunwoo whispered back, his breathing grew more jagged as he spoke to her, fighting back his emotions “i want this so bad, i’ll take the hits and blows, it’s nothing out of my experience, but i can’t hide anymore. i don’t care.”

sakura nodded her head, she understood that feeling and knew that eunwoo was more than deserving of finally being himself on camera. she would never dream of holding him back from it, ever.

“i’m not going to stop you, i would never dream of it. but remember that you have three people who are always on your side. we love you, woo.” sakura said rather softly, a smile on her lips as eunwoo pulled her into a bone-crushing hug, his eyes flickering to his other two members who were no longer watching fondly from a distance, but they were at his side.

“wait— can you stay?” eunwoo frantically spoke up, grabbing onto sakura’s arm when she started to stand up, “all of you… please?” he asked, the clear look of fear was etched all over his eyes as he looked at his three best friends pleadingly. he knew what he wanted to do, but it was still incredibly scary because the last time he did this, he was outed by half of his family at sixteen.

it was a rare sight to see kim eunwoo so vulnerable, everyone knew it wasn’t something to take lightly.

“hey, we’ll protect you… you can say it, we’re right here with you.” AJ told eunwoo in a comforting manner, his heart feeling full to the brim as he watched how eunwoo’s smile grew once he realized that everyone was sitting beside him. he knew it was time to finally say it when hyewon — the one member who showed the least amount of affection — placed a comforting hand on his shoulder in encouragement, and it spoke volumes to him.

everyone watched in anticipation as eunwoo took a deep inhale. it took a lot for him to feel nervous, so coping with it had always felt foreign to him, but he was working on it.

“galaxy, do you remember when i had our makeup stylist add this design on my ear while on tour to see you? it was the one song that sakura and i covered, secret love song by the romantics, where i requested this. one show in particular made me emotional because one of you at the fan meet had told me something i would never forget. they explained that the four of us and our music ended up inspiring them to come out to their family as gay. i’ll never forget that person because they even got a tattoo that looked exactly like the makeup design on my ear.

“i think of that moment in particular, and it resonates with me forever. because what i had done for this person is all that i’ve ever wanted to do for our galaxy as a member of CORE4. i also think of it because i wish i had the same good experience that they did when i came out. i’m no longer ashamed of who i want to love, i’m bisexual and have been since i was fifteen… i’m quite proud of it because i know in my heart that this is who i am. i want to be someone that our LGBTQ+ fans can look up to and feel safe around, because that’s what CORE4 and galaxy do for me. from now on, i’ll do my best to show every side of myself for you all… so i hope that you’ll still stay with us, i promise that i will continue to make you proud.”

REBLOG TO SHARE + BOOST!

@skzfairies @m00niesk7

[enchanted-arms]

So you're not who you thought you were- otherkin ver.

Imagine this, you find a label you think fits your experiences. Everything is going good for a month, a year, or maybe even a few years- you made friends, wrote posts, etc... You don't realize it at first but something isn't right; it's a nagging feeling or perhaps you came to a sudden, violent conclusion that "I'm not who I thought I am!" And if you're anything like me, this is followed by bouts of shame and guilt. "Did I just secretly lie to everyone?" "Did I somehow accidentally manipulate people?" These thoughts race through your mind, but ultimately you are confronted with the fact that your original idea for your kintype was wrong. Good news! This is natural, this is healthy. You are by no means in the wrong for being wrong. I was in this situation once, admittedly. I believed myself to have been deitykin. It was hard accepting that I was wrong, not because it was a power trip, but because I had wrote so much on my "experiences", I made more friends under the guise of being deitykin, etc... Even my system was impacted somewhat by this whole experience which I suppose helped "sell" that identity to me as being who I am. This went on for a solid year which is another reason why I was so reluctant to let go. I feel like, from my experiences, the otherkin community discourages experimenting and subsequently being wrong; yes, they do encourage heavy questioning, but it's in the context of already having a general idea of what your identity is. I think this is because we spend so much building a personal brand of sorts for ourselves, that if we have to change the identity then that's basically starting over. God forbid you realize you're not even otherkin. This community is home to so many people, some with their own micro-communities within the overarching alterhuman umbrella, and losing that would feel like a blow. You no longer have that support system, which is why I can understand why people don't want to be wrong. Going back about discouraging experimenting, I believe that to stem from how we use terms. We use terms to definitively say whether you are or are not something. Sure I could say "I am a questioning angelkin", but if I join an angelkin server they're going to directly interpret everything I say as coming from the angelkin lens not questioning. Being treated as such, makes it easy to feel as such even if I was say actually a tengu or an avian humanoid or an alien. The fact of the matter is, it's ok to be scared potentially leaving groups and friends. Even if you can't participate with a certain group anymore, good friends will still want to interact with you regardless of your identity. It's better to be wrong now then later as you're one step closer to the solving the mystery. So what next? I'd try to communicate everything as clearly as you can; I think for some this is easier then others "I thought I was a german shepherd, but I was actually a wolf!" and that's great if it really is only a little change! I'm happy you were able to realize that. Though for others, how do you go from "I thought I was a fairy" to " I'm actually x thing that is no where close". I don't have good advice other than being transparent. Remember you don't owe an elaborate explanation to anyone, but it would be nice to let people know why you're leaving a specific group. You could also try starting a side blog to compile things for you suspected kintype if you are reluctant to give up your original label. If you do feel bad, you could try journaling too to make sense of your thoughts. Maybe along the way you'll find a middle ground between the two identities and you can make peace.

One last reminder: it really is ok to be wrong! To mess up! To try on and switch around labels! This is your life. :)