#I've since gone on to make a post once a year on the day I'd made the first

[a-rabbit-obsessed-queer]

Aspec men deserve much more respect and recognition in the aspec community than they receive. They often face a different form of aphobia specific to them ("men are naturally sexual they can't be ace" "all men are unromantic that's not unique") this rhetoric is spouted by many, even members of our own community and I hope for a day where that is no longer the case. As an ace and demiro woman (demigirl but that's beside the point) I want to encourage folks to take the time to give the aspec men in their lives support and to the aspec men reading, you are who you say you are no matter what people say and you deserve the world. I'm sorry for the ways in which toxic masculinity has harmed you. You are a valued member of the aspec community and the queer community as a whole. No ace or aro person is broken and neither are you. I'm sorry if anyone has ever told you otherwise.

[colleendoran]

How Do I Do Stuff

The question was phrased a little strangely, and I don't want to embarrass the person by posting exactly what was said, but I'll answer it and hope this clears everything up.

I do almost all of my drawing by hand. No, I don't trace in Photoshop. Not a judgment on those who do, but I come from a generation of artists who did not use Poser programs or other digital tools. We learned to draw using a technique called the Sight Size method. I know a lot of people assume everyone - including the old masters - traced everything using optical tools, but while it is true some people did, it is just as true that most didn't, and you can draw with great accuracy if you learned how to draw the old fashioned way.

Sight Size breaks everything down into its barest components of geometric shapes and you build from there. Once you learn it, you never forget, and it applies to everything you will ever draw.

I learned it using a set of Famous Artist Course books my mom had since she was a kid, and they are still the gold standard. They're often on ebay. If I were you, I'd buy them.

I actually find using figure reference really annoying because I like exaggerations and modifications from reality in my final work.

This page from Neil Gaiman's Chivalry was drawn and painted without figure reference of any kind.

I don't know why people assume I trace all the time. If you were to try to use photographs to replicate these figures, you would find they are slightly off. There is no tracing here.

This is not to say I never use reference. This page, for example, was referenced from a photo of my mother. Isn't she pretty.

But this page of Sir Galaad was drawn and painted without reference.

He's pretty, too.

If he were real, I'm sure a lot of people would be very happy about it. But he's not. And had I reference, the art would have gone a lot faster. I had a time trying to nail this face that is very alive in my head but doesn't really exist.

Back in the ancient days, all cartoonists had to learn to draw and paint extemporaneously because reference was limited and digital tools didn't exist. While some high end artists had photography studios and professional models with costume and sets on hand, small fry like me were limited to what was in the house or available at my small local library, which was no bigger than a few rooms of my current house.

Artists kept extensive "morgue files" or "swipe files" which were collected from magazine clippings and photographs so we would have as much of what we might need on hand for quick reference. These ephemera collections could get unwieldy. I have thousands of photographs I've simply never sorted. I finally dumped most of my files this past year.

Have I ever traced anything? Of course, especially if I have to re-use a shot or setting over and over. Making extra work for myself is just silly. It's my job to make pictures, not to perform magical feats, like copying one shot after another over and over without making a mistake.

However, for almost 15 years of my career, I refused to copy or trace anything, and did not even own a lightbox. On the one hand, that forced me to learn to carefully examine what I saw. On the other hand, it was a stupid hill on which many deadlines died.

Only after I realized many professional artists had lightboxes and overhead projectors did I finally break down and get one.

The one thing I use my lightbox for more than anything is for tracing my thumbnail sketches to the final drawing paper. Instead of trying to capture the liveliness of the original sketch by copying what I see - only bigger - I blow the thumbnail up to the size I want the final art to be, then I trace over the thumbnail using a lightbox onto the final drawing paper.

Here's a look at thumbnails from the graphic novel Neil Gaiman's Snow, Glass, Apples.

I enlarged these on my computer to fit onto 11"x14" paper, and traced the thumbs before finishing the art which was drawn in pen and ink and colored in Photoshop.

While I obviously made some changes, the essence of the thumbs is there in the final work. Tracing my thumbs retains some of the looseness of the original sketches, which is often lost otherwise.

So, there is a valid purpose to tracing at times, though in my opinion, too much tracing can weaken drawing ability, substitute for developing skills, and make the work kind of stiff.

If you want to, I'm not your judge. But it's weird to me that people think I must be faking my skills in some way.

Ironically, the word cartoon comes from the Italian word cartone, which is a large heavy sheet of paper - also, the origin of the word carton.

Preparatory sketches were made on this paper which was then transferred to the final work surface via either tracing or by stamping little holes in the paper through which dust was sprinkled, recreating the contours of the drawing for the artist to follow.

So the origin of the word cartoon comes from a process often used...for tracing.

[otdiaftg]

The King's Men - Chapter Fifteen (17)

Day: Friday, March 22nd / 23rd* Time: 9:58 PM EST

It is Kevin's turn to deal with the press, but he sends Neil a significant look on his way over to them. Neil has nothing to add since he'd been sidelined all night, but he steps closer in case Kevin needs to redirect anything his way. Kevin gives his best press-ready smile to the camera before motioning Andrew over. Andrew takes up post alongside Neil but doesn't look at the reporters. The interview starts off predictably with comments on the game and the impossible points Kevin had scored. Neil half-tunes it out until Kevin is asked about semifinals. The Bearcats are going home as the lowest-scoring team of this elimination round. In two weeks the Foxes will be taking on two of the Big Three. "I'm looking forward to playing USC again," Kevin says. "I haven't spoken to Jeremy or Coach Rhemann since I transferred but their team is always amazing. Their season was nearly flawless this year. There's a lot we can learn from them." "Still their biggest fan," the interviewer jokes. "You're up against Edgar Allan again, too, in the biggest rematch of the year. Thoughts?" "I don't want to talk about the Ravens anymore," Kevin says. "Ever since my mother died it's been Ravens this and Ravens that. I am not a Raven anymore. I never will be again. To be honest, I never should have been one in the first place. I should have gone to Coach Wymack the day I found out he was my father and asked to start my freshman year at Palmetto State." "The day—" She flounders, then says, "Did you say Coach Wymack is your father?" "Yes, I did. I found out when I was in high school," Kevin says, "but I didn't tell him because I thought I wanted to stay at Edgar Allan. Back then I thought the only way to be a champion was to be a Raven. I bought into their lies that they would make me the best player on the court. I shouldn't have believed it; I've been wearing this number long enough to know that wasn't what they wanted for me. "Everyone knows the Ravens are all about being the best. Best pair, best line-up, best team. They drill it into you day after day, make you believe it, make you forget that in the end 'best' means 'one'. They let you forget until other people buy into it, be it fans swaying too far the wrong way or the ERC calling them out on their schemes. Then they don't want to play that game anymore, and they skip straight to the elimination round. Did you know I've never been skiing? I'd like to try it one day, though." It is too much all at once for her to catch the significance of that last remark, but it will only take a couple moments. Neil understands right away, and the adrenaline that floods his veins makes him sway a little on his feet. He shoots Andrew a quick look. Andrew doesn't return it, but he is definitely paying attention. The stare he has trained on the back of Kevin's head is intense. Kevin doesn't wait for her to put two and two together. "Tell the Ravens to be ready for us, would you? We're already ready for them." Kevin turns and walks away.

Art used with permission by Reigzukes. Thank you @reigzukes!

*Due to the Leap Year, I have opted to highlight the day rather than the date to keep the events in occurrence to the 2007 year. I will continue to mark both days accordingly.

[a-world-with0ut-dr34ms]

A Table of Contents to all my CoD Men x Reader Fics

My shit was getting disorganized as fuck, so I collected everything I've typed on here and put it into a single post, just to make it easier to find my stuff if you ever choose to. User Accessibility matters!

Note - All of this is 18+ and Mature, but not all of it is Smut

SFW/Fluff // Masterlist

The masterlist to all of the SFW/Fluff One-Shots for Ghost x Reader.

No Good Men Left To Spare // Masterlist

No pair of people hated each other more than you and Ghost. To him, you were just another loud-mouthed, obnoxious, and immature little princess needing to be humbled. To you, he was just a boring, broody asshole hellbent on not liking you. Things between you two couldn't be any worse. After pushing one too many of his buttons tonight, you and Ghost going off to have a quick smoke turns into something else entirely.

Make Me Beg

Ghost had been curious to see if you could be the one to make him beg for a change, in which to both his pleasure and dismay, you oblige.

Greedy

Ghost x Dom!Reader x Soap

Ghost and Soap find themselves crushing on the same woman on their team, a friendly bout between two comrades to see who you'll choose, only your answer's not one they'd expected to hear.

The Lights Stay Off

No Summary :(

NSFW, 18+, Shameless Smut, No Plot, Porn w/out Plot, Sex in the dark, Explicit, Graphic Language, Teasing, Touch-Starved Touching, Embarrassing, First Time Together, Fingering, Sloppy Kisses, Somewhat Rough Sex, slightly Intimate, Ghost is a bit of a dom, Reader's a bit snarky

Ghost Fan Edit

My thirst for this man is endless. I've been thirsty since I was 11 and first laid eyes on him in 2009. He just gets finer each year. I don't think I'd have my mask kink without him.

Now you get to see how rhythmically challenged I am. These are fun to make; once I get better at them I'll be unstoppable (｀∀´)Ψ

I Won't Forget

Short Drabble ~ Your last night with Johnny...

Can You Spot Me?

You decide to reward Soap after finishing a set on the bench press.

NSFW 18+, Explicit, Shameless Smut, Porn w/out Plot, Semi-Public Sex, Gym Sex, Teasing, Fluff, Flirting, Cunnilingus, Blow-Jobs, Cowgirl, P in V, Might be a little tame, but still Graphic Description, no Y/N usage

Greedy (same story as above one in Ghost's section)

Speedracer

Gaz x Reader x Soap

It's not every day Gaz gets to drive fast cars. It's also not every day he gets to race hot strangers on the road either.

SFW, Some swearing, Fluff, Flirting, Banter, Racing, Three-Way flirting, Random, Innocent, Some Car Lingo, Soap and Gaz sharing a single brain cell, Eventual smut in part two, scarcely proofread

Been In Love

After a breakup, Price figures a walk along the beach might make for a good distraction. What he did not expect to find was a strange woman standing off to the shore, who looked as though she were about ready to drown herself at sea.

pt. 0 | pt. 1 | pt. 2 | pt. 3

Bloodstained Honesty

Wounded, bloody, and just the two of you. A mission gone wrong leads to a long overdue moment between both you and your Captain, perhaps too late to count for anything. Not if either of you two can help it at least.

pt. 1 | pt. 2 | pt. 3

Sex Tape ~ Kinktober Prompt

No summary (._. )

NSFW (18+), Shameless Smut, Explicit Detail, Groping, Fingering, Nipple-Play, Oral (Female Receiving), AFAB!Reader Long-Distance, Sex Tape, Scarcely Proofread, Kinktober

Some Days

Drabble ~ Price has a tendency to wake up most mornings before you...

SFW, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Innocent, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Mornings, Wife Reader, Soft Price, Price is a little mopey, scarcely proofread

Let Me Play You A Song

During a get-together, you and the Captain decide to sneak off for a spell. The intentions were mostly pure. At the start...

Captain Price Fan Edit

My first time making a video like this EVER (ʃᵕ̩̩ ᵕ̩̩). It came out more like a trailer than an edit, but I had so much fun making this. I really hope you like it! *totally not nervous* (　◜◡‾)

Captain Price Fan Edit 2

Control Masterlist

Slow Burn, Love Triangle, Angst, Romance, Drama

You’ve been with Shadow Company long enough to know working alongside 141 on their search for the stolen American missiles wouldn’t be an ordinary assignment. And most importantly, you knew Graves. Shadow Company keeps its allies close, and its enemies closer. When you’re given a job, it gets done without conflict. Without loose ends.

Your true mission is clear to you -- keep an eye on 141 and keep them comfortable. Anything it takes to alleviate suspicion of Shadow Company’s involvement with the missing missiles. This wasn’t about saving lives, this was a deadly game of control, and you intend to do so flawlessly.

Phillip Graves Character Trailer

Deepthroating ~ Kinktober Prompt

Drabble - You decide to pay your commander a little visit during one of his later nights in the office...

Welp, that's that. Thanks ( .-.)

...

Here are links to some of my gaming clips if interested (shameless plug)

One | Two | Three | Four | Five

[maraschinomerry]

Rock Paper Scissors

Pairings: George Karim x gn!reader, background Locklyle

Summary: George is your best friend, Lucy's convinced there's more to it but he's not your type... is he?

Content: friends to lovers, oblivious flirting, misunderstanding, light swearing and suggestive thoughts, kisses

A/N: it's officially 1 year since I posted my first Lockwood & Co fic!! Thank you all for making it such an incredible year and continuing to support my writing, it means the world to me ❤️ and thank you to the Multiverse of George for fuelling the buff!George fire 🔥 I've even made a montage so everyone can see the vision, plus the gif above of George swinging the chains he's definitely strong 💪

Word count: 4.2k

Taglist: @neewtmas @marinalor @ettadear @honey-with-tea @mischiefmanaged71 (let me know if you want adding or removing!)

Ever since you'd started working for Lockwood & Co, you and George had had the most playful rivalry.

It had started on the very first day, when you came for your interview. Lucy had welcomed you into the living room while George went to fetch the biscuits. After breezing through the tests, Lockwood gestured to the plate still being clutched by the other boy.

“Biscuit?”

You frowned at the boy in the armchair, who looked like the last thing he wanted to do was to share. “Am I supposed to fight you for them or something?”

George had the audacity to snort. “In your dreams.” But then he did offer you the plate, albeit reluctantly.

Once you got used to one another, you found that you actually got on really well and gradually he became your best friend, but by then you'd set a precedent that neither of you wanted to drop.

“We're heading out soon,” Lucy informed you both as she slid cups of tea across the table. She and Lockwood had an appointment with a client, leaving you and George behind to keep working. “Can one of you oil the chains ready for tonight?”

You turned to George; he was already looking at you. A gleam came to his eye.

“Rock paper scissors?”

“You bet,” you grinned, already raising your hand. It took a few attempts, as you'd done it so many times by now that the two of you knew what each other was planning before it happened, but eventually you lost. Sticking your tongue out, you picked up your cup and headed towards the basement. Lucy followed you down.

“Can I ask you something?” she began cautiously.

“Course you can.” It wasn't like Lucy to not just ask straight out. This was odd.

“What's going on with you and George?” This was definitely odd. “It feels like you've gone past teasing, you're almost flirting with each other.”

Your gaze flew to your friend, who had lingered on the stairs. Was she being serious? “It's not like that, Luce,” you replied, wondering if it was warm in the basement or if it was just you. “I love him to bits, but the same way I love all of you. He's just not my type.”

Her eyebrow quirked up at that. “You have a type?”

“Don't say that like you don't,” you hit back. “You and Lockwood are made for each other! And George is great, really, but I prefer guys a bit more… buff?”

Lucy nodded. “Interesting.” It was spoken with the air of someone who knew exactly why it was interesting and someone who was absolutely not going to explain why. “Well… just don't rule anything out, but please be careful. I love you both too and I'd hate to see either of you get hurt.”

It was touching to hear her so candid about her feelings for you both. “I won't, I promise.”

—

You always forgot how ridiculously heavy the chains were. Just trying to hoist them up to make sure you'd oiled all the way round each joint was a workout. It was only adrenaline that carried you through working with them on cases. Thank goodness you were almost finished - your arms were beginning to ache and you were sure you were coated in sweat.

“Need a hand?” George's voice drifted from the stairs. You hadn't heard him come down, probably drowned out by the clanking links and your strained grunts, but there he was, sitting on one of the lower steps and watching you in amusement.

“You mean you want me to dishonour the sacred pact of rock paper scissors?” You mimed fainting in shock, taking the opportunity to slump back on the pile of chains and let the tension dissipate from your shoulders.

He chuckled, climbing down the final few steps and holding out his hand. “Will the sacred pact allow a lunch break? I made soup.” He'd got you there and he knew it. You loved his soup. Grinning, you accepted his hand and he pulled you away from the cold, hard metal.

There were two steaming bowls already set out on the table when you got back to the kitchen, and beside yours was a plate of sandwiches, cut exactly how you liked them.

“You're the best.”

“I know,” George smirked. He was eating with one hand, the other scribbling away on the Thinking Cloth. As he became more engrossed, he leant further forwards, his dark curls flopping over his brow. It was fascinating watching him get so engrossed in his work, the whole world melting away around him. Once you finished eating, you glanced across and took his empty bowl from in front of him. He looked up sharply, snapped from wherever his thoughts had taken him.

“Sorry, didn't mean to disturb you,” you mumbled.

“No, it's fine. We should probably get packed.”

You followed him down to the basement and pulled your kit bags from the shelf. Set side by side on the table, you both began to load up.

“You can carry the chains,” you told him over your shoulder as you picked up a half-empty box of flares and emptied it into your bag.

“Hey, you're the one who lost!”

“Only for cleaning them, I've done my bit.”

He huffed, but gave you a smile as he made his way over to the mound of chains. Your eyes widened as he scooped up a whole length in one easy movement and gave them a quick shake loose. You'd spent nearly quarter of an hour trying to manoeuvre that section earlier.

“How the hell did you do that?”

“They're not that heavy,” he shrugged, then added with a cheeky raised eyebrow, “or at least only when you’re trying to clean them.”

You threw the empty cardboard box at his head with a laugh.

—

A week later, the four of you were nestled in the living room. Outside, rain battered against the windows, which were almost being shaken out of their frames by the driving wind. You'd never have guessed it was June; it felt more like January. The fire was lit in the hearth, the occasional crackle of wood splitting the only other sound.

Eventually, Lockwood broke the silence. “I hate to say it, but someone's going to have to go out. We've got no tea left and barely enough food to last until tonight. We can draw straws to make it fair.”

He needn't have bothered. You and George already had your fists raised. One, two, three, paper. One, two, three, rock. Scissors. Paper. Scissors. Rock. Round and round you went, the symmetry only fuelling your competitive natures.

“This is ridiculous,” Lucy muttered. She was right, of course.

You raised your fist higher, leaning forward in an offered challenge. “Right. Arm wrestle. Loser goes.”

George leaned in, resting his elbow on the table. Lockwood and Lucy exchanged wide-eyed glances.

“Y/n…” Lucy began, but you weren't listening. Your elbow was already mirroring George's, hand in his. You weren't sure why you'd expected the easy, flexible grip of holding a rapier, but his fingers were clenched firmly around the back of your hand. Lockwood moved closer and counted you down.

Your hand hit the table almost immediately.

It felt like all the air had left the room. You stared in shock at the boy opposite, the triumphant toothy grin that crinkled his eyes, the unexpected tightness of his shirt sleeve around his arm. The similar tightness in your chest. Interesting.

Some sort of realisation hit you, and your attention shifted to Lucy. The look she was giving you was almost as satisfied as George's. Warmth flooded your cheeks. You drew in a shaky breath as you struggled to drag your eyes away from George's arm, which was still pinning yours to the table. After a moment, you felt his fingers loosen and with some reluctance pulled your hand away. The silence in the room was palpable. Lucy was still watching you in amusement. Lockwood was watching Lucy, trying to figure out why she had that “I know something you don't” look again over a simple arm wrestle. George was watching you too, his expression slowly shifting from victory to concern.

“Y/n? You okay?” he asked quietly. Your thoughts rushed back into your body, snapping your attention into the real world.

“All good,” you mumbled. “Just preparing to get drenched. If I'm not back in 20 minutes, assume I've been blown to the other end of the country.” At least that got a laugh out of Lockwood. Hurriedly, you stood and made your way to the front door. Why had you agreed to this? It was your own fault, of course, for continuing this whole competitive thing with George, but how were you to know he was that strong? A flash of bicep clouded your vision again, and you reached for the door handle before you did something regrettable.

“Hold on,” a voice came behind you. It was him. Keep it together, you told yourself.

“If you're about to volunteer to take my place, go ahead,” you forced yourself to stay casual.

George moved closer, and you swallowed a lump in your throat. “I was actually going to question why you looked like you were about to leave without a coat.” He reached to the rack over your shoulder, lifting yours from its hook.

“That might help.” You knew you were blushing again, but prayed he thought it was just from embarrassment at being so forgetful. Definitely not how close he was, how he was holding your coat in the same hand that had been holding yours moments ago.

—

By the time you made it back to the house, you were soaked to the bone and almost shivering. It seemed like the storm wasn't going to let up until at least the next day, so you'd decided to stock up on plenty of food which had seemed like a great idea until you tried to carry it all home. You'd had to stop several times on the way, ducking into doorways and bus shelters to escape the weather as you swapped hands, flexed your shoulders or relieved your fingers from where the handles of the bags had started to make dents. When you finally made it, you held the door open with one foot as you negotiated the bags in and dropped them unceremoniously on the hall floor. George emerged from the living room, alone this time; Lockwood and Lucy must have gone upstairs or down to the basement.

“You look awful.”

“Aww thanks, you're not so bad yourself,” you joked dryly. Oh god, Lucy was right, you were almost flirting. A shiver ran through you and this time you hoped it was from the cold.

For a second, you thought you saw George's eyelids flutter. “Well, I uh… I ran you a bath to warm you back up. I'll put this away.” He hauled up the bags of shopping with barely a huff, and you tried to reason that he hadn't just carried them through a storm.

The water was soothingly warm and scented with lavender salts, the smell wafting up in delicate bursts as it swirled around, relaxing all the tension in your aching muscles. As you lay peacefully, you reflected on what had happened earlier. You weren't sure you'd ever felt… You couldn't even identify what feelings you'd experienced during the arm wrestle. Shock? Embarrassment? No. It was something else, something that Lucy had noticed immediately and had been trying to get through to your oblivious self. But she was wrong, wasn't she? You said it yourself, you weren't into George, even if he did now fulfil your main criteria. Then again, so did plenty of other guys you'd met. Kipps was quite well built, definitely had muscles, but that didn't mean you'd considered dating him. He wasn't like George though - smart, funny, thoughtful George. You couldn't imagine Kipps running you a bath or making your favourite lunch, or doing any number of the things that with George felt so natural. And there were all the little things you did for him that you'd never do for anyone else. No, there were no two ways about it: you were a pair in whatever capacity that meant.

Still didn't mean you fancied him, you told yourself.

You volunteered to help George with the dishes after dinner that night. It was always nice to be able to spend time just the two of you in sync, but tonight especially you figured it was a good idea to be around him in perfectly normal circumstances. You'd chat or enjoy the companionable quiet, you'd both be at ease; nothing could possibly happen, which would give you time to prove your feelings were a fluke.

George picked up his blue rubber gloves and tossed you a tea towel. He was dressed casually, in sweatpants and an oversized T-shirt (so large that the sleeves almost met his gloves at the elbow). The radio was playing quietly in the background, giving you a welcome distraction. Whenever a song you recognised came on, you'd start humming along or singing under your breath, and George would smile at you, sometimes even joining in. Your heart leapt a bit when he did, but that was nothing, you were just happy to be sharing this moment with your friend. He stuck an arm deeper into the sink to grab something at the bottom and made a small noise. Water had splashed up onto the cuff of his sleeve. You giggled at the look of disgust he made at the wet fabric sticking to his skin. The sound died in your throat when he took off his gloves, draped them on the side of the sink and rolled his sleeves up out of the way. You were so used to him being hidden behind his giant tops, or at the very least being in longer sleeved shirts, that seeing his bicep completely exposed was a shock in more ways than one. It wasn't much wonder he'd beaten you so easily at arm wrestling with muscles like that. You wondered whether it was just his arms that were so toned, or was the rest of him the same? Was he hiding a set of abs under that T-shirt too? Were his thighs-

“You okay?” George nudged you, and you hastily looked away.

“I was just…” Come on, come on, find an excuse, your brain urged. “...thinking how this means we both got wet clothes today, if you want me to put that top in with my washing after this?” God that was lame. Not much wonder he wasn't interested in you. That wasn't the point, you reminded yourself.

“Oh,” he smiled. “That'd be great, thanks.” He leant over to put a chopping board on the draining rack, and his bicep brushed against yours. A shockwave of warmth resonated through your whole body. Oh.

“Tell you what,” you forced yourself not to stammer, “are you okay to finish up here and I'll go and grab the laundry basket?” He nodded, and you tried not to fall over your own feet as you retreated to the hallway and sucked in a breath to calm your racing heart. Oh.

—

You cursed yourself for ever starting this. No, this was Lucy's fault for pointing it out. No, still your fault.

Being around George was becoming unbearable. Not for anything he'd done, rather the things he wasn't doing. He was carrying on exactly as he always had, that inimitable blend of playful and caring, and it was driving you mad not knowing whether he meant any of it in the way you wanted him to. You couldn't say anything, of course. If you were wrong, it would mess up the whole dynamic of the group. That would hurt almost as much as any rejection. But the more things went on, the more you took notice of the little moments between you, the more your feelings grew until it felt like they would crawl out of your chest.

“What the hell were you thinking?” George snapped at Lockwood. He and Lucy had been out on a case which went badly, and now the four of you were sitting at the dining table in the early hours, George applying butterfly stitches to a cut on Lockwood's arm and you cleaning a couple of scratches on Lucy's face. The misty gloom of the night outside the window reflected the atmosphere within.

“I was thinking,” Lockwood snapped back, “that we only had to handle a couple of Type Ones, according to your notes.”

“I told you those weren't finished!”

“Well maybe next time, don't get distracted.” Was it your imagination, or had his gaze flickered to you?

“Maybe next time,” George replied darkly, “do your own research.”

“Fine.” Lockwood pushed his chair back and stalked from the room. Lucy shot you both an apologetic grimace and followed.

George began pacing round the kitchen, hands twitching angrily. You stayed at the table, knowing it was best to give him the space to say or do whatever he needed to let his feelings out. You were there if he needed you.

“Can you believe him?” It was rhetorical, you'd heard him say it enough to know, so you waited for him to continue. “We end up in this situation almost every week, because he's too reckless to wait! I know he'd rather be in the action, but he'd be able to do all that more if he'd let me give him the right information first.”

You gently waded in, trying to be reassuring. “We all know how useful your research is; he just gets overeager, especially when Lucy's involved.”

“I know you know how important it is,” his words sent butterflies through you, “but Lockwood just…” He gave a frustrated huff. “Maybe I should make him do all the legwork for a change.” You tried very hard not to think about whether George's legs were as muscular as his arms.

“I'll support whatever you decide, but for what it's worth I think you should just talk to him.”

He sighed heavily, placing his hands flat on the table and allowing his head to drop. “You're right. Thanks, y/n.” The sincerity in his voice caught you off guard, as did his deep brown eyes as he raised his head to look at you. You were already distracted by the tension which lingered in his shoulders, the rigidity of his arms as they supported his weight, the way he had leaned into the pose so much that now when he looked up his face was so close it almost filled your vision. You swallowed nervously.

“Any time. I- I have to go.” You stumbled up from your chair, ignoring George's confused stare and sounds of protest as you practically bolted from the room.

—

You lay on your bed in the attic, tears slowly soaking into the pillow you'd buried your face in. This was the end; it had to be. You couldn't carry on working for the agency like this. If George had shown any interest it would be okay - Lockwood and Lucy managed to balance being a couple who worked and lived together, there was no reason you two couldn't do the same, but it could never work being so one-sided. You'd just keep being weird, struggling to hold your nerve around the boy until it would start bleeding into cases and Lockwood would have no choice but to fire you for everyone's safety, if you hadn't already got one of you hurt by then. Not to mention the emotional hurt. It would happen either way, but at least if you walked away now you could control it.

“Y/n?” Lucy's voice came tentatively from the bottom of the steps. “George said you ran off, is everything okay?”

You flipped onto your back, drawing in shuddering breaths to recover from almost suffocating in the pillow. “You were right, Luce.” There was movement on the steps, but you kept your eyes on the ceiling. You couldn't bear to look at anyone right now. “I tried so hard to make sure neither of us got hurt, but George doesn't love me back and now I feel like even if I stay I'm going to lose him.”

The silence that followed dragged on longer than you could bear. Why wasn't she saying anything? You forced yourself to sit up.

George stood at the entrance to your room, eyes wide and lips parted.

You scrambled to your feet. “Shit! I mean, hi, um… how long have you been there?”

George continued to stare.

“I'm so sorry,” the words were rushing out of you now, “I just panicked but I don't want to make things weird so can we just pretend-”

“What do you mean, ‘doesn't love me back'?” he interrupted quietly.

You froze. There was no mistaking it: he'd heard you basically say you loved him and now there he was looking like the mere concept was so unbelievable, like the option hadn't even crossed his mind. Why would it? Time stretched on as you fought the urge to run again, as far as the ever-widening space between you would allow. Neither of you had moved, but you could feel the room expanding around you to make room for the bottomless pit you wanted to crawl into. “I…” you drew in a slow, deep breath, “I was fine just being friends but Lucy got in my head about you being exactly my type and now I think I'm actually flirting while you're still just pretending and I'm sorry…” Tears were pricking at the corners of your eyes and you hurriedly looked away, hoping he wouldn't see.

George stepped closer, and you shrunk even further into yourself. Your heart skipped a beat when he gently tilted your chin up to meet his surprisingly soft gaze. “I meant, why do you think I don't love you back?”

You faltered. Was he saying what you thought he was? “Well, I mean, I thought I'd made things super obvious and awkward but you didn't change so I thought you weren't interested.”

George's hand was still on your chin and his thumb rubbed soothingly across your cheek, wiping away the single tear that had spilled. “I thought you weren't interested! You normally go for those muscly gym guys so I figured I'd take whatever I could get with the arm wrestles and stuff, but then you started avoiding me so I thought you were done with it.”

A small laugh escaped you, and he looked at you in confusion. “Have you seen yourself?” Hesitantly, you raised a hand to his bicep, marvelling at finally being able to feel the muscle instead of just staring at it, and more amazed at the way the boy responded to your touch, drifting closer until you were barely inches apart.

“So then why did you run?” His voice was whisper soft against your face, eyes gazing down at you with an overwhelming blend of sincerity, bewilderment and something like longing. His cheeks were tinted as pink as you knew yours were.

“Got flustered.”

“Flustered? You? I don't believe you.” A smile tugged at the edge of his lips, the playfulness you were used to creeping back into his voice. It was such a relief to feel the tension dissipating from the room, to have your George back, that you buried your head in his shoulder with a giggle. He laughed too, wrapping an arm around your waist. “Oh, I see, you really want to do this? Okay, let's see ‘flustered y/n’ at their best.”

You yelped in surprise as his other arm hooked under your legs and swept you off your feet, your arms flying up round his neck for support. His arm was tense across your back but he looked the most relaxed he'd been since he walked in, and he shifted you closer to press a quick kiss to your lips before setting you down on the bed and sitting beside you.

“Lucy's going to be very smug about this, you know,” he nudged you.

“I know,” you whined, burying your face in your hands. “Rock paper scissors for who has to tell her.” George laughed again and placed his arm around your shoulder, pulling you closer as you leant into the embrace.

“Is this just a ploy to get more hugs?”

“Is it working?”

In response, he brought his other arm around your waist and kissed your forehead. You smiled, leaning up to kiss him properly, and he reciprocated eagerly.

—

Lucy had left George alone on the steps to your room once you started your confession, giving you both a bit of privacy, and decided when he didn't come back downstairs immediately that things had either gone very badly or very well. She believed, and hoped, that it was the latter. Her suspicions were confirmed when she came to tell you she'd made breakfast and found you fast asleep, wrapped in George's arms.

[londondziban]

I'll forever be confused over the writing of Steve's character in season 4. Like, what was the thought process behind the choices that were made for him?

In season 1, he was shown to have a change of behavior, felt remorse for his actions, attempted to apologize to not just Nancy but also Jonathan, and bought a camera for Jonathan to replace the one he had broken. Not only this, but he had turned back around to help Nancy and Jonathan–after having a gun pointed at him and nearly getting eaten by a creature he probably couldn't fully comprehend at the time–despite the fact he was scared shitless cuz, hey, that's his girl in there and a guy he may not know very well but he's not going to let them fight the monster alone.

In season 2, we watched him grieve his relationship with Nancy and form a bond with Dustin and the other kids. Though he was clearly upset about the breakup, he never once truly blamed Nancy for it. We saw him respect not only Nancy's feelings but her choice as well. He knew he wasn't the one she chose, he knew she was struggling and turned to Jonathan. He was heartbroken but he did his best to move forward and keep his mind on the mission at hand.

In season 3, we watch his bond with Dustin develop further and we see him make his first friend that's (close) to his age since he dropped his previous friends in season 1. He was actively looking for a new girl to date and developed feelings for Robin; We were led to believe he'd moved on from Nancy. In this season, though he was fairly removed from the other kids for most of it, we were once again shown he has a selfless nature when it comes to them, even Erica whom he barely knew. We saw that at the end of the day, he's simply a good friend through his instant support of Robin rather than lashing out over the rejection or being flat-out homophobic. He's selfless and loyal to those he cares about. His character in this season was wonderful (not talking about how his injuries were constantly played for laughs though, that's for a future post).

So in season 4...what happened? Yeah, I still loved him because he's Steve and I've become attached to his character over the years. But he just felt so off? I'm glad his friendship with Robin was still there and I loved them together throughout the season. But he's 1. suddenly in love with Nancy again, 2. doesn't seem to respect her actual feelings nor her relationship with Jonathan (because if he did he wouldn't be actively flirting with her and telling her he wants to have kids with her, hello?), 3. he complained about being with the kids despite being shown to deeply care for them over and over again (it could've been a joke of course but it just felt mean spirited when compared to his behaviors in prior seasons. Like he sighed when being paired with Dustin?), and 4. he just felt kind of weird and a little creepy at times.

It felt like they didn't know what to do with him this last season. It felt like all the development he'd gone through suddenly took a left turn and then backtracked out of nowhere. Instead of finding ways to discuss the way season 3 events affected him (and Robin) or maybe showing him form a genuine bond with Eddie (someone else his age that he never would've previously been friends with), they made him a little mean spirited, they made the other characters be meaner to him and treat him as if he's stupid (more than usual), and they made him be in love with Nancy again. They could've done so much with his character that wouldn't have contradicted all of his growth, and yet.

I say this all with good intentions, of course. I love Steve. He was one of my favorites when I first started watching the show. Which is why I was so upset about the way they wrote his character in season 4. He just didn't feel like the Steve I'd loved anymore. Was it a conscious decision? Is there a specific reason behind it we just haven't been shown yet? Or was it just poor writing? I hope whatever is going on with his character is either fixed or simply explained in season 5 (and I'm so excited to see he'll have at least one interaction with Jonathan!). I'm just a little worried they've run out of ideas for his character and are just going to kill him off next season without any explanation as to why his character took the turn it did.

TLDR: I love Steve but the way his character was written in season 4 confused me.

[7grandmel]

Todays rip: 23/02/2024

Through the F​-​F​-​Fire and the F​-​F​-​Flames

Season 5 Featured on: SiIvaGunner's Highest Quality Rips: Volume D

Ripped by R.L.99

In my excitement leading up to February 22nd and to finally get to write more in-depth about Kara's Flowers' meaning to the SiIvaGunner channel...it dawned on me a bit too late that I was ignoring another meaning to the very date before it. I'm still very proud of how the post on As Miku Collides connects together with Collision Clouds, but there was something far more important to remember from February 21st. The birthday of late ripper R.L.99.

R.L.99 is the second known SiIvaGunner team member to have left us in tragedy, and its always going to be a very difficult topic for someone like me, effectively an outsider, to approach. The first was Marrow, who I've written about thrice now with Telling Fish Tales, Turnabout Fishters and 8​-​bit Fish With Dreams - a true friend to the SiIvaGunner team whose contributions are too many to list, but had been present since the very early days of Season 1. I can't claim to have known the guy, nor ever claim to have felt the same grief that his friends did upon his passing - yet althesame, through how recognizable and frequent his contributions were, losing him did hurt. Yet with R.L.99, my heart sank for a somewhat different reason. I'd barely had the time to truly appreciate him before he was gone.

As a ripper, R.L.99's most defining trait lay in his ambition - he was always seeking to outdo his last work, always shooting higher, yet higher. Joining the team early into Season 5, his twenty-one contributions across the year, ambitious or not, all feel crafted to a sheen. In a Season that already had some of the strongest output in the channel's life, his rips often still managed to impress beyond those expectations. I described one instance of this occurring on my one prior post on the ripper, One Winged PSYcho - V​.​S. Sepsyrop, but it needs to be reiterated that this was effectively standard procedure for each of his big projects. But despite the reverence I hold for him now, I'd chosen the worst possible timeframe to begin distancing myself from SiIvaGunner - during Season 5, I was at my most disinterested in the channel's goings-on, and thus paid far too little mind to the incredible efforts the entire team were making during the year. I'd check in, add some rips to playlists, and check out.

When the news of R.L.99 broke early in Season 6, I didn't know what to think, because...I didn't know R.L.99. But as I looked through my own playlists, looked through his list of contributions - I realized that just about everything he had ever made had found its way into my list of all-time favorite rips. I'd loved his work without ever truly acknowledging or understanding who made it. Without ever having had the chance to truly show my appreciation, until it was too late.

Linked under his username credit at the start of this post, you'll find a Twitter thread I made two years ago now, the day the announcement was made. I wasn't able to appreciate him during his time, but on that day I wanted more than anything else for other people still like what I once was, people far too blind to the talent and care individual rippers put into their work, to know exactly what kind of legacy he left. And so, I put the thread together as one of my first-ever forms of written SiIvaGunner analysis, trying to concisely convey all the ways that R.L.99's work truly was unique - in all the ways I'd failed to pick up on before it was all too late. There was, of course, a lot missing from that thread - notably the as-of-then unreleased rips he'd made that would be uploaded the day after in his memory, culminating in the downright breathtaking Dancing Masked. Yet, I still want to dedicate todays post to a rip I'd heard from before that day, one of those rips I'd loved for so long without knowing the man behind it. A rip like Through the F​-​F​-​Fire and the F​-​F​-​Flames.

A hugely ambitious project, it feels difficult to find one rip that quite so concisely encapsulates all the qualities of R.L.99's work. A distinct love for the MOTHER series, a love for rip arrangements of popular music, a love for Rock music, and the aforementioned scope - it all culminates in a nearly 8-minute long tribute to the legendary Through the Fire and Flames by Dragonforce. Althewhile, it adheres incredibly well to the expected restrictions of a Game Boy Advance game, each of the shredding guitar samples used being from MOTHER 3 itself, with vocals authentically bit-crushed to match. It manages to rock out incredibly on its own, and that's without mentioning the insane details strewn throughout, such as the song's occasional bumps in tempo to match other boss music within MOTHER 3, or the other songs from MOTHER 3 that become referenced throughout the arrangement. Released on the date of MOTHER 3's birthday, much like Jesus of the Underground - it's a beyond impressive tribute, with love shown in every second of its runtime.

The fact remains, though, that I never knew R.L.99, and never knew Marrow either for that matter. There's far, far too many rippers that I've still not been able to express my full gratitude and affection toward, and many of which I'll likely never be able to reach. But that's part of why I want to run this blog in the first place - to give myself, and other SiIvaGunner fans that chance to show genuine, outspoken love for rips and the people behind them while we all can.

Rest well, R.L.99.

[super-ion]

Valiant

(based on this post)

Chapter 1

Night has fallen and the chill is setting in. Stars blaze overhead, I wish I could stop and marvel at them, but I very badly need to find shelter for the night.

It was a normal day, I worked an extra half shift, figured it would be good to bank up a few extra credits. By the time I got out, I was starving, so I stopped at my favorite noodle stand as a treat. All of this is to say that I wasn't at the tenement where I've been staying when corpo security raided it. By the time I got there, civil protection had the entire block cordoned off.

It happens.

I don't even know what the raid was for. It could have been revolutionary activity, it could have been drug cookers. I don't know, and I don't particularly care.

You learn to carry everything you can't bear to part with. Honestly, I carry all my tools with me to work anyway, since the government furnished ones are crap.

I did leave a decent blanket in the tenement. That's a shame. Hope it finds a good home and gets put to good use.

Anyway, that's why I'm hurrying through this abandoned part of the junkyard. Tonight promises to be particularly cold but exposure is the least of my worries right now.

There's a clatter on one of the junk piles behind me followed by a distant baying. No way in hell am I stopping to look around, but I can say with a high degree of confidence that I've picked up a pack of junk wolves on my trail.

I round a corner and a hulking warehouse looms before me. I've probably passed it a few times, but never paid it any mind. It's exactly the same as hundreds of others in the region, the kind Tanaka-Kuiper was pumping out about a hundred years ago during disarmament after the Second Contact War. If there was anything of value in there, it would have been scaved and looted decades before I was born.

It could be shelter though, and that's currently the most valuable commodity I need.

I hurry to the door, trying not to run lest I make too much noise. I hesitate at the scav mark of three interlocking triangles - not a place of honor.

There's more baying behind me, closer this time. I hear the scrape of paws on dirt as one of the pack's scouts reaches this avenue.

Fuck it. My rad counter isn't particularly angry, and maybe death by maybe radiation is better than certain death by junk wolves.

There aren't any locks on the door, which is good, but it's clearly been a long time since anyone has opened it. The baying of the junk wolves is getting closer and I throw my weight against the door. It groans in protest and I'll probably have bruises on my shoulder, but gradually it inches open.

When it's just wide enough, I cram myself into the gap. As I struggle though, I accidently glance behind me to where several pairs of eyes gleam in the darkness. Scraped and bruised, I dive through the gap and slam the door behind me. The door latches and I stand there panting as something snuffs and scratches at the other side.

It's dark.

Outside it's night, but there's still the moon and the ever present light pollution from the city center and the industrial district. In here it's almost pitch black… almost but not quite. There's a faint illumination coming from somewhere.

I'm in a small reception room… from back when this place might have needed one, I guess. Now it's just a desk bolted to the floor and a series of empty shelves. There's even a burned out hole where a safe might have been once. Everything else is long gone.

I slowly make my way past the desk and through the door into the warehouse proper.

I blink up in incomprehension.

Metal beams arc high overhead, filling the space of the massive room, like the ribs of some massive beast. If I had to guess, I'd say it was either a small starship or a war mech. Either way, it's likely a relic from the Second Contact War. My eyes follow the curve to the metal sphere suspended at their central like a cold heart. Scaffolding spirals up from the ground to wrap around it.

I realize the dim blue-white light I've been seeing is coming from gaps in the plating of the sphere. I scramble back in a slight panic and dig my rad counter out of my jacket pocket… not that there's very much I can do about it at this point. Fortunately, the counter is ticking happily along with the background radiation. The sand and grit in my clothes is probably putting off more radiation than this core is.

That's the only thing it can be, a massive positronic core, the brain of a mighty war machine that outlived the conflict it was built for. That explains why it's sitting in a warehouse. A positronic core exposed to the elements is functionally an antimatter bomb waiting to go off. Better to leave them somewhere for several centuries as the internals slowly decay away.

A thought occurs to me. If this core is indeed operational, it would have to be highly sophisticated and highly resilient. It may still be able to process external stimuli.

"Hello?" I call.

The light pulses, confirming my suspicion.

Curiosity gets the better of me and I cautiously ascend the scaffolding like I'm on a pilgrimage to a holy relic. Despite my efforts, each step lands with a clang that echoes in the vast space and brings another weak pulse of light from the interior of the core.

As I reach the top, where the scaffolding circumscribes it, I get a sense for how big it really is. The diameter of the thing is at least twice my height. I see positronic cores all the time. It's part of my job. But the ones I work with can fit in the palm of my hand. This one is… immense.

An impulse seizes me and I step closer and strip off my gloves. Any active sensors have long since been scrapped, but it might respond to electrostatic contact. Most cores can pick up on body capacitance from touch.

Before I let myself think better of it, I place my bare palm on the plating. There's the tiniest spark as I make contact with the cool metal.

The light pulses again and I can feel the faintest hum from within. It probably has military grade thermoelectric generators buried inside it. That might sound like a tempting prize, but to get at them, a scav would need to get past several layers of shielding and risk positron exposure… assuming cracking it open didn't result in a runaway antimatter reaction first.

I drag my fingers idly as I circumnavigate the core. Dim luminescence trails after me. I still don't know if the core is actually aware of me or if it's just reacting.

My fingers snag on something. There's a rough spot, something etched into the paneling. I peer closer to examine it, but there's not enough light to make anything out. The etching is linear, regular, writing.

My curiosity gets the better of me and I did a torch out of my pocket.

VALIANT 3426-90087523-33

A name and a serial number. Definitely second contact war, when puritanical names like Fortitude and Allegiant were in vogue.

"Valiant," I murmur.

The core flares bright and I stumble back a few steps, throwing an arm over my eyes.

A faint crackly scream echoes in the room. It sounds terrible until I realize that a tiny embedded speaker is probably one of the only parts that hasn't been stripped.

I lower my arm and squint against the light.

The screech echoes into silence.

"Is that your name?" I ask.

No response.

"Um… my name is Eloise," I reply, feeling almost ridiculous. I don't even know if it can process speech.

The sound returns, but broken and clipped.

". .-.. --- .. ... ."

That… that was a pattern. It's trying to communicate.

"I'm sorry, can you repeat that?"

It repeats slower.

I've heard something like that before… like some kind of binary code. I wrack my brain. Single short pulse is e… three long pulses is o… three short is s…

Holy shit.

It's my name.

The core heard me, processed my words and replied.

"Yeah, that's me," I reply. "Or Ellie, I guess, I'm still working some stuff out."

I rest my bare hand on the plating and the core flickers in response, some kind of plasma discharge centered at my touch.

"You must have been alone for a long time."

"-.-- . …"

"I can't imagine," I whisper. "If… um… if it's okay with you, I'd like to spend the night? I don't really have anywhere else to go right now."

"-.-- . …"

I let out a small breath of relief.

"And… maybe tomorrow I can come back and I can see what I can do to fix you."

The light pulses, almost like breathing and it doesn't reply for a moment. I start to wonder if I've overstepped somehow.

"-.-- . ... / .--. .-.. . .- ... . / -.-. --- -- . / -... .- -.-. -.- / . .-.. .-.. .. ."

It's too fast and I don't know enough of the code to parse it anyway. But I catch "yes" and "Ellie", so I take it to be an affirmative.

I lean forward and rest my forehead on the cool metal.

"You're not alone any more."

[glindaupland]

The Phantom of the Opera | Seoul, South Korea | October 8-14th, 2023 [REVIEWS]

Wow it's about time I posted these reviews that I kept lying about (this week! tomorrow! in 10 years!) Better late than never?

In this post I'll drop a few general things about the production, but the performances are analyzed in my reviews linked here. I recommend reading those all in order since I revisit points about actors I've made previously along the way to avoid repeating myself. Also leaving a disclaimer that these performances are from October so there are some changes in what the actors are doing now (with the exception of Jeon Dong-seok since he left in November) Apologies in advance for my wordiness, but this is more of a "release my feelings for my sake and if anyone else likes it that's cool too" kind of thing? Listen - I wrote a lot of notes on my performances there. So just go in knowing this is the more coherent version of my insane looking notes app!

Before I start I want to thank a few lovely friends who helped me out with this trip because it wouldn't have gone as well as it did without them!

Thank you to @lucygold95 for helping me so much with planning over the past months and for giving me the best time in Busan. Thank you @capitanogiorgio for all the shenanigans we went through and the most special time going to the 1500th and meeting Yoon Young-seok. Thank you to @fadinglandtragedy for the fun talks and the good advice before my trip! The best part of things like this is making friends of course! : )

PERFORMANCE REVIEWS:

| October 8, 2023 | October 11, 2023 | October 12, 2023 | | October 13, 2023 (M) | October 13, 2023 (E) | October 14, 2023 |

STAGE & THEATER

This was as close to the original staging as possible. So I was able to take it in one more (or I guess 6 more?) times post-Broadway closing. The Charlotte Theater is a lot smaller than the Majestic so every view was pretty solid in my opinion, even the second to last row. I took a video of my view from 4th row under the chandelier during the exit music on October 11th so you can see! The angel and chandelier are shown halfway through. I'd say 5th row was almost the cut off for the chandelier drop (that was my spot next day) Broadway seats in this area were always too expensive for me so I'm glad I was able to grab these spots for this production

There were photo zones you can take pics at which you've probably seen. One was a large rose wall, the other was the cute statue of their mascot 오유령. People also take forever lining up for the cast boards for photos and yes I was one of those people. Here's a comparison of the cast boards from the second season (pictures I found when reading old reviews on Naver) and the cast boards now (I forgot to take a photo of one on the top floor though)

I found this review where someone took more detailed clean photos than I did if you're curious about the layout and decorations!

MERCH AND GIFTS

The tickets had these designs! If you booked on Yes24, you received a special envelope and a ticket holder with the face of the Phantom performing for that show

I only didn't receive a second Ju-taek because that was booked on another site - Interpark (bottom middle ticket). I also received paper masks with printed autographs every day I went to commemorate the 200th performance of the run/100th for Seoul and the 1500th overall Korean performance. We used them for the curtain call photos on those two dates (with Jeon Dong-seok then Kim Ju-taek). There are multiple versions of the program book and at the time of writing this I have all except the Daegu one. The first Busan program book was pretty bare and only had the teaser pictures - the same was the case for my Les Mis program book in Busan. -There are different photos in each one, so to me it was worth grabbing them all. My third version signed by Kim Ju-taek is currently on display as you can see below! (The writing says "내 노래를 날게 해 주오 - Make my song take flight") Once again thank you to Lucy for this! 🥹❤️

Here's some of my POTO merch (including a spare cupsleeve from the coffee shop next door, I also had a keyring, but I forgot to show it) RIP to the second program book I sacrificed for scans I still have the pages stored/displayed though! I'm not wasteful! I'll have more to post soon after sharing these reviews

TRANSLATION

Let me emphasize this: my Korean abilities are limited, so don't look to me as the expert on this at all. But I'll still share my notes and perspective as an outsider who's studying The lyrics have changed quite a bit since 2001-2. There are still lines kept or songs that are mostly similar. MOTN had a lot of similarity to 2009-11 even with its changes, STYDI was identical to 2009-11, but Angel of Music was pretty different from even the last season, etc etc. The Phantoms all have unique lines sprinkled here and there, mainly in MOTN (this happens sometimes in Korean musicals). You get some things like random single line changes in some parts depending on the actor or different order/wording of the same lines as well. Just tiny diversions from the script. This is the case for the Christines and Raoul to a lesser extent. Additionally, actors are often permitted to do some occasional improvisation/ad libs. Some unique lines are pretty normal parts of their interpretations now, some appear depending on the feeling of the performance, some are one time only events. I'll mention some of the actor-specific ones and such in their actual reviews, but I have been trying to mark down all of the differences like these for example

Of course, some things obviously have to be adjusted to make sense because of cultural / linguistic reasons. So one example would be the "Wrote...written" line in Notes I. Firmin speaks rudely and informally, but quickly tries adding a more respectful ending particle 요 after Raoul and André give him a shocked 'what did you just say?' kind of look. So "대체 뭘 썼다고 하는 건데...요!" is pretty much like "What the hell are you saying I wrote?" André would look so embarrassed by this each time 🫣

퇴근길 / STAGE DOOR

Stage door doesn't really work the same as it does in places like New York, London, etc. Most of the time if an actor comes out it's more like a quick greeting or chat with the fans. Some actors (not in this case) might sign or take photos in designated spots, but it really depends and it's not so common. It's gotten more restricted ever since COVID as well. 퇴근길 -> "way home from work" is literally what this is called. Dong-seok did wave at us a few times happily after the 200th performance, Gun-ha briefly came out to thank fans after the 1500th while Ceci and I waited to meet Young-seok who had agreed to meet us. I did not have the time (or strength) for the Seung-woo mob, but he usually greets fans after shows.

I literally asked Yoon Young-seok directly on Instagram if Ceci and I could meet him and give him gifts because I figured it didn't hurt to try! When he agreed, my anxiety was not necessarily about meeting an actor, but more about my ability to express my thoughts in another language. But he was truly the sweetest guy and incredibly patient. I think he got that I understood everything he said, but that replying was a whole other challenge. I'm glad I was making enough sense that he was able to get my points and helped me finish sentences if I looked stressed about it 😂 I basically told him I had been planning this trip since the cast announcement because it was too perfect to miss and that I came for 6 shows. I really like to listen to his Phantom on the cast recordings and I thought he made the shows I had seen so far so much fun.

We both said where we were from (the US and France) and he was amazed. He was also shocked when I pulled out my original Korean cast recording (I still laugh thinking about the way he said "와, 세상에!" like "Wow, oh my god!" and enthusiastically took it agreeing to sign when I was mid-way asking him haha) I also thought it was funny when he asked Ceci if she saw his Phantom last season. We wish! But she mentioned she had gone to Busan a few times and he looked very touched and appreciative that we went to multiple performances 🥹 This poor man was tired he signed our things with November (11.13) though and he also spelled Ceci's name wrong first time, but it was the 1500th show though okay. And if he says it's November...who are we to question him? Ceci should also legally change names so he isn't wrong. Anyway, ramble over you can find the art we made for him in this post

OTHER

Here's just bonus fun I had that I will manage to connect to POTO despite it not being POTO because I love doing that. I mean I went because I like these musicals as well (otherwise I would've been foolish enough to go see Ben-Hur but I have, uh, standards for my plots sorry to Park Eun-tae 😭), but it's fun to point out these things. I'm happy to share my show experiences in a different post if anyone's interested in my thoughts on those

Rebecca

I went to see Rebecca, mainly focused on seeing a scheduled date for 이지혜 Lee Ji-hye (Ich) and 장은아 Jang Eun-ah (Mrs Danvers). The whole cast was fantastic. Some Korean musicals have special encore bits they do where the leads sing a part of a song from the show during bows so that was really fun. Unfortunately, we don't get to have fun at POTO like that haha

Lee Ji-hye was in Y&K Phantom as Christine in the same cast as Jeon Dong-seok (Erik), Yoon Young-seok (Gérard Carrière), and Lee Sang-jun (Cholet). Two other cast members in Rebecca were in Y&K as well - 에녹 Enoch (Maxim) who was Philippe and 신영숙 Shin Young-sook (Mrs Danvers) who was Carlotta. Sadly, they had such few shows this season due to a busy schedule, so I couldn't see them (when will trot give Enoch back to musicals). Original Korean ALW Raoul and Y&K Erik 류정한 Ryu Jeong-han was also on rotation as Maxim, but I picked another day for my show so I didn't see him either

Les Misérables

I went to opening night of Les Mis in Busan! It was the Dream Theater, same place POTO played at before. As many of you already know, Choi Jae-rim is playing Jean Valjean at the same time as the Phantom.

I could recognize him easily as the Phantom, but honestly when he appeared at the very start of Les Mis it took me a minute to process that it was him! While I did enjoy his Phantom a lot, I think I enjoyed his Valjean performance a little more. It was only opening night, so curious to see how things develop!

The actor who played Javert that night, 카이 Kai (stage name), was a former Y&K Erik for two seasons too. So many Phantoms!

Frankenstein

On the last day I got to see Dong-seok and Ji-hye once more in a concert for the musical Frankenstein which they have been in together. So have some pics I took without a mask blocking his face!

Ending Note

Thinking back to December 2022 when I said: "Maybe I'll go to Seoul and see Dong-seok once or twice and that's it" That was funny. That was really very very funny and silly of me to say. 9 performances and 6 of those were POTO! But I'm so grateful and I have zero regrets about it. This is one of the best experiences I've had even if it might look ridiculous to some people to do something like this...I don't care! I hope my crazy essays can help paint a good picture for you!

[glittter-vamp]

CHAPTER 7

Joe Burrow x Bisexual OC.

Warnings: 18+MDNI. Angsty. Mentions of homophobia. Fluffy. Smut.

Word Count: 3.1k

"Those pinks don't match." Karina says.

"What do you mean they don't match?" Gen sighs in annoyance.

"That's regular pink and this one is ...baby pink." Karina says holding up the balloons.

"What the fuck is baby pink? Do you mean pastel pink!?" Genesis says annoyed.

"You guys are giving me a headache." Val sighs getting up from her chair and looking for aspirin.

"She's making this more complicated than it is, it's an engagement party not your actual wedding!" Genesis says to Val.

"You guys offered to throw it! Of course I want it to be perfect." Karina argues back. Val ignores them and takes the pills with some water returning back to them.

"Okay! Okay... we'll get your baby pink balloons, no worries. Now, the food." Val says going down her list.

"Oh boy." Gen mutters and Karina gives her a look.

"Kelly wants to do like finger foods, so doesn't have to be a proper meal or anything." Karina shakes her head.

"Anything in particular?" Genesis asks.

"Fruit, crackers, cheeses, pretzels...all that sort of stuff." Karina nods.

"Have you guys set a date for the wedding at all?" Val asks.

"Yeah...we're going to announce it at the engagement party." Karina smiles.

"Aww, I'm so excited!" Genesis claps her hands. Gen was a hopeless romantic so this was her favorite thing ever.

"I have a question to ask though...are we inviting Joe to any of this?" Karina asks Val.

"Uh, it's your party and wedding, you invite who you want." Val shrugs.

"Well, we know things are kind of in the air and usually he'd be your plus one but I feel like it'd be mean to not invite him...especially since he's gotten Karina and Kelly us tickets the games over the years." Karina says awkwardly.

"Like I said...it's up to you guys." Val says not knowing what to say to them. It's been two full week now since her and Joe have gone on a break and they've only texted once to see how one another was doing.

"Have things gotten any better?" Gen asks.

"Nothings changed if that's what you're asking." Val bites her lip.

"I really hate that you guys are going through this because of me." Gen sighs.

"It's not because of you, even if that video was never posted I would of came clean to him anyway about what happened between Summer and I. Plus he still would of done what he did as well." Val rolls her eyes at Gen.

"Yeah, but you're still getting hat from people online and stuff...that has to take a toll on you." Gen responds.

"It sucked at first but I haven't been letting it get to me, I've focused on other stuff." Val shrugs.

"Has Joe said anything about it?" Karina asks.

"He just asked if I was doing okay and that he was sorry about everything." Val sighs.

"That's it? He's not gonna stick up for you?" Gen scoffs rolling her eyes.

"Like his publicist would let him, they'd question why he would be defending me if we never dated or aren't dating like we've both said publicly before. Everyone will try to spin it some way." Val chuckles.

"So!? I publicly apologized on my account for basically outing you and putting that video up without your permission. Plus the entire group has  been defending you left and right on social media. Joe could say something if he really wanted." Gen says annoyed.

"I...have to agree. He could at least make a statement about respecting you and his privacy or something because the homophobic comments are all over his own Instagram comments and he doesn't even limit them either." Karina says.

"Him saying something isn't going to change that, it might actually do the opposite. We're dealing with NFL bro's here, they are vile already unprovoked. Imagine if he did say something? I'd have to delete my account." Val says hoping her friends would understand just how delicate this matter is.

"I guess... I'm just tired of seeing you always be put second in your own relationship. Joe's cool and all... but he's losing my respect day by day, you deserve better than a half ass relationship." Gen says getting up from her seat and going to the bathroom. Val hearing that was like a stab in the chest.

"Does everyone feel like that about him?" Val asks Karina. Karina sighs and leans on the table.

"We just want you to be in a relationship where you receive back what you put in, Joe is a good guy but not the best partner to you and it sucks seeing you suffer when you put him first plenty of times and he never really does that for you." Karina says patting Val's arm. Hearing this from her friends was a slap to the face for Valeria. Maybe it was for the best that they just broke up and she focused on herself. If she had to do this, she would have to do this now before the season starts and Val didn't know if she was prepared for that.

*******************************************

It was later in the night now, Genesis and Karina left a while ago and Val was currently falling asleep on her couch when there was a knock on the door. Checking her watch she see's that it was 11:26PM. Confused on who could it be she gets up and checks the peep hole to see Joe. Taken off guard as to why he was here out of the blue she opens the door. He was in a hoodie and sweat pants and the infamous ugg slippers Val hated that he would wear to places that weren't his house.

"Hey...what are you doing here?" Val yawns letting him in and closing the door behind him.

"I just wanted to see you." Joe shrugs looking at the flowers on your counter.

"At 11:30 at night?" Val questions.

"Who gave you these flowers?" Joe asks looking over at her.

"You came here at 11 at night to snoop on me?" Val crosses her arms.

"No, I couldn't sleep and I wanted to see you." He mutters like an embarrassed little kid. Val takes a deep breath and locks her door. She knew the drill when Joe was like this. This wasn't the first time he came over here like this before.

"No funny business." Val says to Joe making him smile before he makes his way to her room. Val shuts all the lights off and heads to her room where Joe was already comfy in her bed. She knew better than to let Joe stay the night but she knew something else was up with him and regardless of it all, she still loved him and cared for him at the end of the day. Val joins him already being showered and in her pajamas.

"So you want to tell me what's really going on?" Val asks looking over to him.

"I'm stressed out of my mind, I miss you...my parents are on my ass about everything that's happened, especially my mom. The fans and their comments are getting to me and I know they're bothering you. I just, needed you." Joe mumbles as he lays downs and plays with Val's fingers in his hands. She wasn't expecting him to unload like that on her.

"You can still text me and stuff...I'm not going to ignore you." Val says brushing his hair back.

"I know... I'm sorry for showing up here like this. But you're not talking to me either, I worry about you." Joe sighs.

"It's okay and I'm alright I guess...people are starting to leave me alone."

"That's good I guess... but, since I told you the truth, wanna tell me who you got you those flowers?" Joe looks at her with his big blue eyes.

"Why couldn't I have gotten those flowers myself? Why are you automatically thinking someone had to get them for me?" Val asks smirking.

"Because your favorite flowers are burgundy or purple carnations, not lavender roses from...Krogers." Joe snorts.

"Summer got them for me as an apology." Val admits and she could tell Joe didn't like hearing that.

"Apology for what exactly?" He asks.

"I uh...came clean about us to her and she apologized for how she acted when I first told her and for how she flirted with me in front of you that day at the store." Val answers truthfully.

"Mmm...I still don't like her or trust her." Joe says which makes her snort.

"May I ask why?" Val asks.

"I know she's going to end up right here where I am currently on one random night." Joe says somberly.

"What?" Val sits up.

"She wants you, if another night happens like the club night...it's going to be inevitable. I'm not stupid plus whatever is left of our relationship is hanging on a thread, it won't be long before she has your attention again" He shrugs.

"You don't know what you're talking about, that was a drunken mistake which you should know all about as well since you did the same thing." Val scoffs.

"I see the way she looks at you Val, I look at you like that...and you look at her like you look at me...or at least used to anyway." He sighs.

"Joe--let's just drop it. Let's get some sleep." Joe cuts her off before she could say anything to that. Val doesn't say anything else getting up from the bed to turn the lights off. As she lays on her side getting back in bed & setting her devices to charge for the night, Joe wraps his arm around her and kisses her neck softly a few times.

"It's been so long since I've had you, I've missed you so much." Joe whispers, Val feeling his hand slowly creep his way under shirt.

"Joe..." Val bites her lip trying not to give into his touch right now but she couldn't help wanting him as bad as he wanted her.

"Hm?" He hums back as he slowly grabs her tit and massages them in his warm hand making her let out faint moan. Turning around, Val makes out Joe's face with the help of the outside lighting shining through her blinds and into the room. Joe leans in filling the small gap between them and kissing her lips, softly at first but the kiss soon became intense and filled with all the emotion they had both been feeling. Val runs her fingers through his soft hair tugging on it a bit receiving a low groan from Joe. Everything then happens so quickly, clothes were off and both of them were beyond aroused by each other as if they were two animals in heat.

Val went to get into the position she normally gets into for Joe which is always either on her stomach or face down or ass up but he stops her and shakes his head no. Instead she lays on her back he settles between her legs as she lays back onto the pillows, giving her a few more tender kisses as he aligns himself at her wet entrance and slowly slips inside her. Both of them moaning into each other mouths at the feel of one another. Slowly Joe moves his hips, moans and whimpers escaping both of them as they get lost in each other after so long of not feeling each other.

**************************

The next morning Val wakes up to her usual alarm and notices Joe was gone. Sighing as she turns her alarm off she notices a note on the pillow Joe slept on the night prior.

"Sorry I didn't say goodbye, had run to practice because I promised the guys I'd be there and didn't want to wake you. Don't worry I locked the door, Have a great day at work! - Joey <3

Val sighs remembering last nights events and feeling stupid for having sex with Joe like that. She failed miserably at creating boundaries with him while she still tried to figure out what she wanted to do in this relationship. She gets up from bed, still completely nude from the night before and she takes a long much needed shower. She makes a mental note to change her sheets when she comes home and gets ready for her long work day ahead of her.

The store was getting the shipment of the Pride collection today and she knew Kade & Elsa were going to be brainstorming about the display all day so she had to mentally prepare for that. After showering and getting dressed, Val left her condo locking the door and making her way to her parking spot, getting in her car. She still couldn't get last night out of her head so she decided to call Karina for some clarity since she knew Genesis was probably already at work and busy.

"Hello?" Karina answers as Val drives in the crazy Cincinnati morning traffic.

"Hey, Goodmorning! Got time to talk for like 10 minutes?" Val bites her lip hoping she did.

"Yeah, I'm just getting ready for work but I'll put you on speaker. What's up?" Karina asks.

"I fucked up last night and I'm stressing over it!" Val blurts out and Karina lightly chuckles.

"What do you mean? What happened!" She asks.

"Joe showed up at my door late at night, seemed in distress, and we ended up having sex. We haven't had sex for awhile even before this whole 'break' we're taking and I gave in like an idiot going against my own boundary." Val sighs slowly moving in this bumper to bumper traffic.

"What if... that's what you guys might need? It sounds like you guys were lacking in that department. Maybe more intimacy is what you guys needed? Kelly and I always make time for that and it helps us reconnect when we go through a few bumps." Karina says and Val sighs.

"I don't know, I feel like I got played somehow. He was being all vulnerable and then one thing suddenly lead to another and we had sex. Then when I woke up this morning, he was gone and only left a note about how he had to go to practice." Val explains.

"Oh he wasn't even there when you woke up? That's... strange. You're not some one night stand where he can come dip in and run out." Karina responds.

"That's exactly how I felt. Now I'm sitting here confused as shit and feeling regretful more than anything which is fucked up because he's boyfriend." Val sighs in annoyance with herself.

"Well next time you get a chance you should tell him how you feel about this. If you don't appreciate something, say so. If he doesn't like it, that's too damn bad." Karina says making Val chuckle.

"You're right... he also officially dislikes Summer too and didn't hesitate to let me know. So, I have to figure out how to let her know that we need to distance ourselves." Val sighs not taking her eyes off the traffic and she hears Karina laugh. 

"What's so funny?" Val asks confused. 

"He's threatened by her, typical man. " Karina snorts. 

"Why do you say that?" 

"Uh..did you see the video of the club? He know she can turn you inside out like a sock better than he can." Karina laughs. 

"Karina!--

"What!? I'm not wrong. I remember hearing the stories you used to tell us about your hook ups with Summer, she knew what she was doing and you would brag about it...you don't seem to do the same with Joe..." Karina mutters the last part. 

"That's because we're in a serious committed relationship and I'm not going to talk about our sex life out of respect." Valeria defends herself. 

"If you say so, just remember he already complained about having limp dick with a hot model. Ours doesn't do that and it comes in different sizes & colors. When he can do that, then come talk to me." Karina says which makes Val almost choke on her spit. 

"Bye Rina! I should of called Mateo or something instead." Val shakes her head. 

"Hey, I'm just being honest. Even if you don't do anything with Summer but end up with a girl instead of Joe...he should know why so the next girl doesn't suffer cause what do you mean you guys guys haven't fucked in a long time? C'mon now. "  Karina scoffs and Val just rolls her eyes to herself. Val thanks her for answering the phone so early and they say goodbye to each other, hanging up. Having that conversation with Karina didn't really help her clarify things in the way she's hoped but now Val was wondering if she was trying to hold onto Joe despite calling the break herself and she wondered if she wasn't being so honest about her feelings towards Summer. She decided to push them to the back of her mind and focus on her work day.

Making it to the shop, she parks her car and enters to see Elsa and Kade already with the shipments on the floor. She wasn't expecting them to be delivered yet so it caught her by surprise. Setting her things aside at the register she walks up to them looking at everything they were unpacking. 

"Morning guys!" Val smiles. 

"Hey! Didn't think you'd be in this early." Elsa says and Kade smiles at her. 

"I knew the shipment was going to be here but I didn't think this early. They always come at like 2PM or later." Val says grabbing one of the mugs and looking at it. 

"That's cause Kade is messing around with the delivery guy so we're first on his route now." Elsa chuckles. 

"Hey! Don't go telling my business!" Kade laughs but he doesn't deny it. 

They look through the few boxes, Dani eventually coming in for her afternoon shift around 1PM. As Kade and Val move stuff around the store to start setting up their pride displays in the window and another in the store, a man comes in holding a bouquet of flowers. 

"Hi! What can I do for you?" Val smiles politely for him. 

"Hello, I uh...have flowers for a Valeria?" He says reading reading a scanner hanging on his side. 

"That's me." She nods confused. 

"Here you go, have a nice day!" He smiles handing her the flowers and walking out quickly. 

"Ooo, secret admirer!" Kade teases and she just shrugs. Val goes to the back and finds the card in the sea of Burgundy Carnations. She opens it and reads the white and gold card. 

Here's a real bouquet with flowers you actually like, I'd suggest throwing the other ones out. She's not winning this round. - J.

Val scoffs at the petty note from Joe and shakes her head looking at the gorgeous flowers. 

"What the fuck is happening." She mutters to herself. 

A/N: Joe seems a lil jelly, what do y'all think? 👀

[animepopheart]

How do you have time to get permission for all this art?

I want to believe you actually have it, but you re-post so many things claiming to have permission that it doesn’t seem feesible… T.T

Love seeing all the art but can’t help seeing numbers that don’t add up………….

I think newer subscribers might be surprised, but those who have followed me all these years won't be. They know I'm super consistent and committed, and I think they understand my character.

I hit the site HARD back in the day. Tumblr was my primary social media platform; I poured a ton of energy into it and engaged lots of mutuals on a personal level. That level of engagement has gone away (though I hope more people will reach out once again and revive that part of this blog!), but I've stayed consistent all these years with the fanart aspect.

I've actually been requesting use of art since 2014 and about 6,000 artists have allowed me to post their artwork. About 5,000 have denied it or have not responded to my requests.

I'm not sure what numbers you were thinking of in your head, but I actually thought I'd contacted way more than 10,000 or so artists the last decade! There were many days when I would send out more than two dozen queries. When I typically ask, I identify at least a dozen artists and then make my requests. They come in bunches.

The past couple of years, though, I haven't had as much time to ask new artists for use of their art. Most of my time with artists has instead been used to tend to existing partnerships, to ensure they know my current URLs and to give them a chance to end our contracts if they've changed their minds. Some do. Others are thankful that I'm sticking with them. I'm grateful, too, both for them and for all the folks that continue to follow me. It's been a lot of fun!

[bullet-prooflove]

Thursday ‘Kings & Queens’ Radio Prompt List

Please check the updated character list on my pinned post to see who I am writing for before submitting a prompt!

Also read the rules and do not forget to put the entire prompt into your ask!

Been two years since he left me

The way you smile, the way you walk

He's only here for one thing But (so am I)

I'll show you how a real queen behaves,

I wish that when you walked in, I could hide it

Baby, I wanna drink you in like oxygen

A black leather jacket, A bad reputation, Insatiable habits

I throw my phone into a lake And watch it sink to a better place, down at the bottom

But queens are free to go wherever they like

You can either lead, follow or get out the way

I wish that when we touched, there wasn't lightnin'

I swear on my life that I've been a good girl Tonight, I don't wanna be her

She say I make her wet 

Good to know that you got free That town I know was keeping you down on your knees

These bruises make for better conversation

He was onto me, one look and I couldn't breathe

And I'm stumbling drunk, getting in a car

That girl know what she want, she make me take it off when she see me

They say he likes a good time

I think my life might be better if I lived in Colorado

You say you wish our hearts had better timin'

Sometimes I wish that I could see you one more day

My mind is a place that I can't escape your ghost

I know too well how, it feels when you fall

Once I start breathin' fire, you can't tame me

Yeah, I said, "If you kiss me I might let it happen"

I don't want my best dressed day in a casket

She came with you and then left with me

Please don't fix a thing, whatever you do

And I'll admit, it would be nice To meet some guy who's not my type

'Cause it's 3am

And I'm calling everybody that I know

I've walked through hell, and I've battled the storms

Days pass by and my eyes stay dry, and I think that I'm okay

Darling, I just left the bar

It's good to let you in again

'Cause one of us is always holdin' somebody else

Cause maybe there I'd like myself Work on my mental health

We would pop champagne and raise a toast

I lost my chance when you met him

So take me to the Heavens now

Make a fuckin' move it would make my fuckin' day

And the both of us are gettin' good at foolin' ourselves

Wishing you were around but now it's too late

No damsel in distress, don't need to save me

She's in Queens with the man of her dreams

Sit around and get high, sippin' some white wine out the bottle

They say that the time will heal it, the pain will go away

Yeah, I'm a wreck since you've been gone

Can't live without me, you wanna, but you can't,

One more rainy day without you

Disobey me, then baby, it's off with your head

ten years, is that what it's been?

Tell me, how am I supposed to move on?

But it's an empty dream That shit's not meant for me

But everything, it reminds me of you and it comes in waves

And meet some young ex-wife We'd start a brand new life

I choose the devil I know Over the heaven I don't

These days I'm becoming everything that I hate

Leaving you makes me wanna cry

I would love to fix it all for you

[sobeautifullyobsessed]

a desperate hour brings a desperate request

In a couple of hours, it'll be a full 365 days since I became homeless.

Yet I still keenly remember how that last day--and especially night--felt. The sheer exhaustion of going through a lifetime of material belongings dating back to my childhood (for this was my family home since I was six months old), the sorrow and desperation as I tried to gather what could be saved for storage (which was basically less than a quarter of what I once owned). The numbness--born of that last sleepless night and the overwhelming emotions that I'd been living that last desperate week--which I felt by morning light as I left my home for the last time. The bone-deep pain of bidding farewell to the truest shelter I have ever known, home of a lifetime of memories of my long-gone parents and other beloved family members.

If you've been following me this past year, you'll have witnessed the many challenges I've had to face, my moments of despair and depression, as well as the astonishing miracle of the kindness & generosity that I've experienced many times over. I've learned the simplest and most beautiful lessons that one needs to be humble and ask for help and that the natural state of human nature--barring the forces in this world that work against our best inclinations--is to be kind.

Inevitably, I've reached another difficult milestone.

The rising costs of housing and my very poor credit history (tied to being unable to keep up with my mortgage & utility bills) have left me still with no permanent home. My resources are again exhausted, so that within three more nights, I'll be out on the street again. I have literally $9 to my name to see me through to my next paycheck, and enough food to get me through to Sunday. My checking account is negative $52 for an automatic payment on my car insurance. While I've gotten used to sleeping in the breakroom at work on Sunday nights, this week I'm looking at five nights with that as my only shelter. None of my friends can take me in due to family/medical situations within their own homes. I'm desperate for help, although I fully realize that the help I'm asking for may finally be out of reach. But I have to try, despite putting this off for as long as I could. So once again I'm posting my ko-fi link below for any donations people might make--while I'm going to ask for your prayers at the least, because I'm dreading the physical toll the coming week is going to take on my body.

I'm sincerely grateful to those who've read this post to the end, and for the well wishes I know you are sending. And as ever, to anyone who can manage to send a bit of financial help my way.

my kofi

[forestshadow-wolf]

[Long Post] the rewritten zombie au post (part 1)

Tav Journal - Alpha

Sanity log 1:

Something happened a few days ago, we're not sure what to call it yet. People have gone mad, it's a miracle that all four of us made it off base alive. To be honest I'm not even really sure what went down. That's why im even starting this, so I can keep it all in order. I think I'd much prefer a verbal log, but with the way things have gone I think this is more logical since devices have limited storage and usually aren't water friendly. And in any case wilderness survival training in boot taught how to make string from plants, and I went down a rabit hole af few years back on how to make books from scratch, so I know how to do that. The only problem would be finding things to write with, but there's probably an easy solution.

I've never done this before, I'm not really sure where to start, but I guess the beginning would be good.

The beginning felt like ages ago to me, so I'm a bit hazy on the details. Ghost says we were in his room watching a movie (note: it might be good to start getting the others side of things too, not sure for what, but maybe it'll be useful later). And then I think we heard lots of noise, screaming maybe, or just a stampede perhaps, I know I definitely heard a gunshot. We opened the door to see what the hell was going on and ,honest to god, the halls were packed fulled than I've ever seen them, with a moving hoarde.

After that it gets much clearer. Kinda. Ghost pulled out a go bag from, I don't even know, and the knife he keeps under his bed. It was like he was prepared for something like this, he was so fast (though I suppose if you go through as much shit as he has then you learn to stay prepared, I guess). He pushed me us out the window, and then we were running into the woods. Well ghost was running to the woods, I was following ghost.

He shoved us down under the shrubbery and the just laid there for, I don't even know how long, but it must've been a quarter of the day easily. He started peaking his head up when the sun hit the tree line, at this point we still have no idea what's up with gaz and/or price. I think ghost had us wait another hour or two, until it really got dark, before we actually got up. And then we're apparently heading to the armory, remember, I'm still just following ghost at this point.

Ghost hands me one of the tac bags and tells me to load it with whatever ammo I could grab. The bags are meant to hold guns, so there's a lot of space to fill up. Honestly I hardly even looked at it all, I just started tossing stuff in. Ghost was filling up his own bag of whatever gun was compatible with the rounds I was grabbing. (Side note: the base is only allowed to keep a certain amount in the armory at a time, so I grabbed it all). He also, apparently, grabbed 2 sets of the combat knives, which he would hand later to me once we got off the base.

After that we went to the cafe, loaded up on food. I wonder if ghost knew what was actually happening or if he was working off of instinct? We got off base after that, Wandered until night fall. Wandered most of the next day as well. Ran into price and gaz as the sun was setting.

There's more to add. A lot more. Important details I skipped to get the main points down. But we're moving on early tomorrow morning, I took watch last night, so I need sleep tonight.

"Hit the hay, Johnny, we're moving gone as soon as the sun's up"

"Aye, right on it, LT. Don't get too borded without me." He gave the man a mock salute, to which he got an unimpressed look. He settled with his head on his arm and let his eyes fall shut.

If soap woke up in the morning a little earlier that price and gaz so he could cuddle with ghost... well that's neither here nor there.

"I think we're crossing the city today, so... you know... expect trouble." Ghost says quietly.

"Cans 'n' gum? Or something else?"

"Maybe pick up a bag or two. Gotta be extra careful though, I think price said he saw squatters when he was out scouting with with gaz yesterday."

"Zombies ghost. Brain eating zombies, like the dumb movies." Soap giggles.

"Fine. Zombies." Ghost humors him with an exasperated sigh at soap's antics.

[marshallpupfan]

New Marshall Merchandise #57... or #32... or #29, I've Lost Count!

You know, I started posting these updates a few years ago, back when many of my followers were curious about anything I added to my collection. Some of them have gone quiet, possibly moved on or lost interest in PAW Patrol. I'm not sure if my current followers have any interest in these updates. At this point, I just post about these now because I enjoy showing off new items of my favorite character. 😇

And new items, I indeed have! Many of these I've collected over the last month or two, as finding new items hasn't exactly been too easy lately. Most major stores are still selling Jungle Pups and Mighty Movie toys, so hopefully anything new will pop up soon enough. Despite that, I have managed to find a few interesting things!

I first found out about this little figurine when it popped up on Ebay, but nobody would sell it without the other pups (Chase, Skye and Rubble... sadly, no Rocky or Zuma). Someone on Twitter told me they seen some at a Dollar Tree, so of course, I tried checking all the stores I have near me. It took a while, but one finally got some in! Best of all, it's only $1.25, so that's cool!

Hey, you know what else is cool?

Accidentally finding another piece of merchandise I didn't expect to see! I'd actually seen one of these on Ebay earlier the same day, but I thought it was a part of some set. Much to my surprise, Dollar Tree also had it, and also for $1.25. It's not the most impressive of the bath squirters I own, but I'm still happy to add it to my collection!

Ha, look at the label! Chase, Marshall, Skye... and Zuma! Well, it makes sense, given he's the water pup, but I still didn't expect that. Nice to see him on a label for once. :)

I'd actually seen pictures of these online a few times over the years, although they were typically branded as Christmas candy. I never could find any at the stores near me, but then a friend said she seen some at Walgreens. I searched around and finally found one... the last one they had left, in fact! Score! And yeah, I likely won't eat it... it'll sit in my collection along with that other Easter candy I got. lol

...huh, I just noticed it's cracked around the neck. I don't think it was like that when I bought it. Guess I somehow did that. Oops... but it still looks cool, right? Maybe I can find one to replace it when they show up again next year... if they show up again next year. 😅

I seen this at a garage sale for $1. How could I say no? Besides, just look at Marshall on this thing! Too cute, as always! 🥰

Actually, this was yet another lucky find, since I've seen these on Ebay for like $10 (with $5 shipping or so). The fact it's practically in perfect condition is also quite awesome. Living in a small town has it perks!

Last, and it's the priciest item today. I seen this while helping my folks with their shopping at Walmart. They had a few, but they were all Marshall. I wasn't going to get one at first, due to just how big it is, but my mother knows I collect practically anything of Marshall, so she bought it for me. Indeed, I'm already having trouble finding a spot for it, but no doubt I will... eventually... along with the other items on my table. Remember my last few updates? Yeah... most of those items are still sitting there, too. I'm running out of room! lol

That's all for now! I actually do have a few more items coming in the mail, so I'll have a few more things to show off soon enough... Valentines plush dolls, in fact. Ones I expected my local Walmart to get, but they never did. Otherwise, a friend of mine in the UK has offered to send me something I believe is only being sold in her country, so I'll get to add another imported item to my collection soon! I always love doing that, so I'm looking forward to getting it!

As for the Rescue Wheels toys, I've no idea when they'll show up. Maybe in June? July? Whenever the USA finally puts the episodes on their schedule. Now that I think about it, they'll probably be the last toys based on the original designs, huh? All future merch will likely use the new style. We better enjoy it while it lasts, I suppose.

[kato-neimoidia]

15 questions for 15 friends

Thanks @willameena and @somethingsteff for the tags!

1. Are you named after anyone?

No

2. When was the last time you cried?

About an hour ago! Just a little cry, my parents and brother have been visiting me over the weekend as it's my birthday soon and they'd just left so I'm back to being here on my own!

3. Do you have kids?

No, and I don't see that in my future, but am honorary auntie to my friends children

4. What sports do you play/ have you played?

Currently playing field hockey. I've been playing for 11 years now. I absolutely love it, playing in defense and in goal, and also coach and umpire (umpiring only when they reeeeally need me to though!).

Have played - would be easier to list what I haven't 😂 I've played football, cricket, basketball, netball, volleyball, to name a few.

While being able bodied myself, a friend of mine who works with local charities for disabilities organised some wheelchair basketball tournaments that I'd been invited to play in. Quite an experience! Don't think I embarrassed myself too much, but a bunch of us from my hockey team put a team together, and we had fun and a laugh with the other teams involved.

5. Do you use sarcasm?

Yes, to my detriment. I once sarcastically agreed to be a hockey team captain one year, the sarcasm wasn't picked up and a couple of months later I see a facebook post advertising me as one of the captains :| I followed through and did the year, but never again!

6. What's the first thing you notice about people?

Eyes, mouth, facial expression, gauging their interest in the current situation

7. What's your eye colour?

Blue and brown - brown around the pupils, kinda starbursting out into blue towards the edges (central heterochromia o.O)

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Scary movies usually, I'm a bit cynical and like it when there's a twist at the end where the bad guy wins!

9. Any talents?

Not especially, I'm reasonably good at as sports and crafty things. My 'weird' talent would be that my fingers are hypermobile, so my fingers bend a bit backwards at the knuckles, and I can bent the finger tip joints while keeping the rest of the finger straight

10. Where were you born?

Oxfordshire, UK. Moved to Bedfordshire/Hertfordshire area before I was 1 and have stayed here since

11. What are your hobbies?

Playing hockey, video games, reading, crafting and making little things, such as reconfiguring and painting funko pops, and recently made myself a Sabine Wren mando armour costume for halloween

12. Do you have any pets?

No

13. How tall are you?

5' 1.5"

14. Favourite subject in school?

I was quite partial to maths, biology, and PE

15. Dream job?

Not really sure.. I was always interested in computing and ended up with a job in the IT industry, but it's more in the 'business' side than computing. I've gone vegan and got an electric car over the last 2 years, and have been trying to be more 'green' in general. So it would be cool to be able to do something in that realm, making steps in that direction more accessible and financially viable for businesses and the general public. If money wasn't an object I used to want to work in Game or HMV so I could just play games all day and mess about with merch, while somehow not getting fired

No pressure tags (sorry if you've already been tagged, but enjoy another if so!) @briliantlymad, @isthisfree, @lesbianakins, @underacalicosky, @grapenehifics, @starwalkertales, @piecesofeden11, @trannakinskywalker, @sashkalive, @billowypantss, @mars-attacking, @bolshoiromanova, @vaderborn, @veloursdor, @tideswept

And anyone else who fancies doing this, open invite!