#Poem for My Psychiatrist

[academyoftheheartandmind]

Bitter Experience and Other Poems

By Katherine Orfinger Bitter Experience (for Oates and Chekhov) and I understand now why Anna held herself to a godly standard and why she needed to make those little lines, their lives seeping together my head, a dim bathroom: she paces. my own soul peers through a speckled mirror a forgotten piece of metal glints in the harsh light she ignores the door, wide open. takes the hard way…

[talon-dragonbeast]

socialising

stand straight, two feet on ground

smile, bare your teeth (not too much)

fangs hidden in plain sight

your claws in fists, don't let them see

(don't let them know)

wings folded behind your back, so tight

always look them in the eye,

and let them look into yours (ignore the pain)

hide your scales under your clothes

and use words that don't belong in your mouth

do they know?

can they see what is hidden?

a beast with stolen skin

a monster in human shape

[hersurvival]

I wish I could say this isn't me -

Impulsive, controlling, anxious.

And I wish I could say the same about

The opposite extreme -

Empty, pointless, exhausted.

But it is.

They are.

Both of them in equal measure.

Duality at it's utmost intensity.

Never landing in the grey,

Only ever teetering

On either end of the spectrum.

Imbalanced in the brain.

@nosebleedclub July 3rd - The Anti-You

[lovesexdhokha]

okay so my ex bsf wants to meet tomorrow and i haven't decided if i should meet her yet. what should i dom

[celestiallyours]

My dearest jellyfish, why do you hide away?

Have I made myself unavailable for your emotional baggage?

Did I give off the impression I hate your feelings?

I care more about your feelings than I do mine

I wake up and wonder if that purple shine of yours

Is truly how you look from day to day

My dearest jellyfish, why do you hide away?

Have I made myself a moron in your eyes?

[i-am-deeply-poem]

“It Isn’t Working”

It isn’t working

Or so I tell myself because I find the thought irking

Barely given it half a chance, like sitting in the back of the group chat lurking

Can’t bare to fathom lost time

Can’t bare to hold it in, want some cheese with that whine?

It isn’t working, so I give up, who doesn’t want a happily ever after, but as we know they don’t exist

It may be working, just having given up it’s hard to notice, pick up on it

It doesn’t matter because in the end we don’t, as does nothing exist, for on nothing our souls subsist

Content with the melodrama, the stories, the experience reason enough for souls to find to in symbiosis exist

Can’t fathom living without my heart again

The doubt, can’t fathom living at all, no hope for lack of clout

I can’t help who I am or what I am becoming, every day a new man, uncertain, unbecoming.

So at 7:40 I’ll tell Dana the same, it isn’t working or so I’ll insist

But the fact of the matter is that in the first place I don’t exist

A hell of a lot of stress to put on a something, to make individually subsist.

[buildmeaboy]

Hannigram poem I wrote for class two years ago and was too scared to post anywhere. Not edited since then so apologies for weird wording and such!

(Transcript under the cut)

Shall I cook a meal for us two my deer?

Red meat and venison, black blood at night.

You lost the fight I fear. Lend me an ear.

Such intimacy, taint your soul jet white.

Dissect you on my psychiatrist’s couch:

you hippocratic promise of a man.

I’ll teach you how to carve and cut and gouge,

and all too soon, the price of a lifespan.

Ah! My own private judas betrays me.

Throw me to the wolves, let them get a taste.

Bathed in thyme and rosemary, quite beastly.

Or else, a throne of antlers. Not quite chaste.

Prepare a five course meal of you. My heart,

Lungs, liver, kidneys, marrow, tongue, I’ll start.

[phantom-voices]

A poem I wrote on May 4th 2022. I have Schizoaffective disorder, manic type. It is both Schizophrenia and Bipolar mixed. I also have Borderline Personality Disorder. I wrote this poem after a psychosis episode. I have hallucinations, mainly auditory. In this episode I kept harming myself due to commands and both arms were badly bruised which my psychiatrist saw. I hope you like and maybe will relate. 🙂

Barren

Tired eyes, heartless voices.

Can’t fight off these hellish noises.

Crazy thoughts and countless dreams.

Cannot think through all the screams.

Lots of hatred but also love

If I can just get help from God above.

Just kneel down and get those prayers in

Insanity has left her barren.

Jessica Clingempeel

[cedarxwing]

Hello!! I read your vitruvian man meta it's so accurate 😭😭

Bryan Fuller said this during S3a.

"Hannibal's gone through this whole experience, and he's been on the lam with Bedelia thinking about the context of his relationships with others. And what he comes out the other end with is missing Will Graham and wanting to send him a valentine and draw him near. Gideon performed a certain role. Gideon even says that Hannibal, like a snail, enjoys eating in company. We see him enjoying being with Bedelia. So, he is a social creature in many ways, but neither Gideon nor Bedelia can be substitutes for the one who captured his heart, and that's Will Graham."

Do you think during the Anthony Dimmond scene where Bedelia tries to run away from Hannibal is when Hannibal decides that Bedelia was not a good replacement for Will and starts to miss Will? Is that why he made the Human heart because he was pining for Will ?

Thank you! <3 At the risk of repeating that Fuller quote verbatim, yes, Hannibal totally makes the human heart because he's pining for Will. Very "tortured artist writing a love poem" vibes. Constructing the tableau is probably cathartic in its own right, but it's also:

a siren call to lure Will to Italy so that Hannibal can see him again (pathetic)

an "I miss you, please, we can still make this work" (desperate)

an invitation to "enter the foyer of his mind and stumble down the hall of his beginnings," because Hannibal still wants Will to try to know him, even if only to hunt him down and kill him (sad)

Placement in the Norman Chapel means that Hannibal gets to watch Will enter his memory palace both physically (moving through the literal space) and figuratively (piecing together the message in his tableau) at the same time. There's something so intimate about Will walking around that building during the investigation, the only one to know that, in a way, they're inside Hannibal. I always wonder if Hannibal gets off on that when he's spying on Will from above...

Regarding Bedelia: You probably didn't mean it this way, but the recent ship war between bedannibal and hannigram is sooo tired imo. Before I dive into analysis, I want to be clear that I fully support Hannibal and Bedelia banging on every surface of their luxurious palazzo apartment. Acknowledging that both Hannibal and Will have had multiple loves in their lives doesn't detract from hannigram. Personally, I find that aspect of their relationship beautiful and relatable.

The way I see it, Bedelia has been rejecting Hannibal continuously since their first interaction in Sorbet. ("We're not friends," "Since you refuse invitations to my dinner table, this is the only way I could cook for you," "I'm ending our patient-psychiatrist relationship," "Is this professional curiosity? Almost entirely.") During their time in Florence, she refuses to eat anything with a central nervous system. She's not amused when Hannibal contemplates killing Sogliatto or when Dimmond discovers their secret, as her primary concern is lying low. Her trying to run away in Antipasto is merely the rejection that convinces Hannibal that she'll never fully accept him.

For Hannibal, it also recontextualizes his past relationship with Will. From his perspective, the two critical differences between Will and Bedelia are:

Will willingly ate human flesh with him. It doesn't matter that it was part of an act. It doesn't matter if Will hated it at the time. Hannibal will always dream of their Naka Choko dinner date. That type of acceptance ("eating in company") is what he wants more than anything.

Will's empathy allowed him to return Hannibal's affection. Their relationship began with betrayal, but in the end, Will chose Hannibal, even if Hannibal didn't see it that way at the time.

Jack sums it up perfectly here:

At the same time, S3a Will has a lot of the same hang ups as Bedelia: fear of getting caught by the authorities, fear of losing himself in Hannibal's influence, not wanting to be killed and eaten, etc. So it's not so much that Hannibal decides that "Bedelia wasn't a good replacement for Will." It's that he learns to value Will's potential (aka his malleability, as Chiyoh puts it) after Bedelia resoundingly shuts him down.

In summary, sitting on the train en route to Palermo, Hannibal is heartbroken at Bedelia's rejection and longs for the acceptance he found with Will. He wants someone who will delight and participate in wickedness, not tolerate and observe.

...

To be honest, I find it more interesting to compare Will to people like Gideon and Tobias from Hannibal's perspective. As you quoted Fuller, "Neither Gideon nor Bedelia can be substitutes for the one who captured his heart." What's wrong with Gideon then? But that's a topic for a different post lol.

[the0nlyallison]

Updated Introduction

Allison | 17 | United States | ambivert | she/her | straight

Notes challenge

July Notes Challenge

Books/Authors: Dean Koontz | Stephen King | Percy Jackson series

TV shows: The Office | Never Have I Ever | Atypical | 13 Reasons Why

Music: Bon Jovi | Nicki Minaj | Olivia Rodrigo | Ariana Grande | country | 2000s pop | some rap | southern rock | 80s

Hobbies: reading | writing | cleaning | studying | planning | working out | scrolling through various socials

Achievements: NSHSS ambassador | author of two poems | top 10% of my class | high honor roll

How I act: I match the energy of others. If you're an ass, I'll be an ass. If you're yourself, I'll be myself. If you're nice, I'll be nice | I don't have average feelings; I feel them as extreme | I get defensive if someone says something to upset me | I get real depressed easily

Academics/future: I take college courses, though I'm in high school. I'm working to get my associates degree in psychology at MUO to be a psychiatrist | planning on joining the Army National Guard

College classes I've taken/am taking: intro to lit | general chemistry | intro to psych | ASL I | American Government | ASL II | developmental psychology

Other blogs:

@allisonswritings where I post my poems and chapters of books

@ilovetorunandjump for my sports, achievements, athletic goals, and things i see on social media

@allisonsacademics my academic goals and achievements

Pets: I have two dogs (Peanut and Flynn) and two cats (Kit Kat and Georgie) which i will and have posted a lot of

Dni: homophobes | racists | sh accounts | the usual

Socials: discord, Pinterest, Wattpad, YouTube all the0nly_allison | Instagram allison.hatcher25 | BeReal allison.hatcher | tiktok the0nlyallison

Tags I'll start using frequently:

Asks: allisons asks (I also include the name of the person who asked; if it's anonymous I put anon)

Conversations: messenger convos | discord convos | Google chats convos | Tumblr convos

Pets: Georgie | my baby

Guys: Maple Syrup (Chase, from old blogs) | Benji (my ex bf)

Content: random thoughts | song lyrics | polls | reblogs | conversations | vents | possible art posts??? | shopping hauls

Followers: 147

Mutuals:

@mqstermindswift (Nicky <3)

@brave-olive (Olive <3)

@kit-the-gaygent (Kit <3) (know irl)

@mackennalea (MacKenna <3) (know irl)

@123letsgobestie (Marie <3)

@likegoinghome (Matthew <3)

@shuhuaspookie (Aria <3)

@urbanflorals (Emma <3)

@percabeths-blue-cookies (Harley <3)

@deprivedofbraincellsandsleep (Zia <3)

@kimu-dem (Ki <3)

@lighter-like-a-feather (Kasi <3)

And all the others (I'm sorry I can't remember shit 😭😭) let me know if you want added or removed

[strangegremlin]

Your Body and Mine Will Sing

Hannibal Lecter x Will Graham

Universe: Hannibal

Summary: Will breaks into Hannibal's house to confront him but things get unexpectedly steamy and a little bloody as Will leans into his dark desires.

Word count: 1,148

Warnings: Smut 18+ only, oral, blood kink, power kink, slight praise kink, dom!Will/sub!Hannibal, references to murder, bodily harm

Note: I've never written a fanfic before so I hope this one is okay lol. I drew a little pic to go with it :3 I got the title from a line in the poem Love Poem with Dark Face.

---------

Will stands in the moonlight outside of Dr. Lecter's house, hunting knife in hand, ready to confront him about being the Chesapeake Ripper. The only light on is in the upstairs bathroom.

Hannibal must be in the shower. Now’s my chance to sneak in unnoticed. He picks the lock.

The house is dark, only illuminated by the moonlight streaming through the tall windows.

Will hears Hannibal exit the shower and start down the stairs so he crouches behind the kitchen counter.

Hannibal goes to the fridge to pour himself a glass of wine but before he can open the bottle, Will pounces on him from behind. Will wrestles him to the ground, putting the knife to his throat.

“Will, don’t be foolish.”

“You don’t get to talk. I’m the one with the knife.”

The psychiatrist grips Will’s waist, flipping him so that he is now on top. Hannibal grabs his hands and pulls them above his head, pressing them into the carpet and making Will drop the knife.

Will wraps his legs tightly around Hannibal, twisting him and knocking him off balance. He uses this momentum to flip them back over and straddle Hannibal, reaching his hands up to the Chesapeake Ripper’s throat.

Hannibal rests his hands on Wills hips and smiles devilishly. Will looks down, noticing how they’re tangled up and blushes. He's basically in the cowgirl position.

Will tightens his grip on Hannibal’s neck to wipe the smug grin off his face but this just causes Hannibal to bite his lip.

Will feels his stomach flutter.

That was weird. Why am I turned on right now?

Will releases his grip and moves his thumb up to Hannibal’s lips, which part, allowing Will’s thumb the enter his warm mouth.

Will lets out a breath as Hannibal massages his thumb with his tongue.

What am I doing? My psychiatrist, the Chesapeake Ripper is sucking my thumb and I’m allowing it.

Wills eyes focus intently on Hannibal’s curved pink lips around his thumb. He can feel his tongue moving in circles and for a second, Will imagines it is something else that was in Hannibal’s mouth.

Then, Hannibal bites Will's thumb, drawing a few drops of blood and causing Will to let out a breathy moan.

Will's head is swimming as he pulls his thumb out and drags it softly across Hannibal’s lips, coating them in crimson.

He leans in to taste his own blood on Hannibal’s lips, feeling himself get hard. Wills senses are flooded with the taste of iron and the smell of Hannibal’s aftershave… and the feeling of Hannibal’s fingers digging into his hips like he’s holding on for dear life.

Will pulls back, grabbing his knife. Hannibal looks him up and down, eager to see what he’ll do with it.

Will presses the knife gently to Hannibal’s neck. Hannibal doesn’t flinch, and instead leans his head back a little to help Will’s blade find its spot.

Hannibal’s eyes twinkle darkly as they meet Will’s, making him gulp.

Will steadies himself and makes a tiny nick in Hannibal’s neck, just enough to draw a few pearls of red. He leans in, kissing the nick softly, causing Hannibal to let out a whimper.

Will moves his lips all around Hannibal’s neck kissing softly, then roughly, making Hannibal squirm and tighten his grip on Will's hips.

Then, Will pulls back to admire his work.

He looks at Hannibal bathed in moonlight, painted with his bloody kisses, and his heart melts a little.

He had always noticed Hannibal was a very handsome man but he had never seen him as beautiful as he was right now, smeared in red, marked by him.

Will's blue eyes glitter as he smirks, “Who’s my pretty boy?”

Hannibal’s eyes widen as he lets out a small breath. Will feels Hannibal’s bulge harden underneath him.

“Oh, interesting.” Will coos with amusement.

He leans in next to Hannibal’s ear and whispers “You’re my pretty boy, Hannibal.”

Hannibal blushes and bucks his hips up making Will smirk again. He finally had Hannibal under his control. Will's body buzzed from the power he held over the Chesapeake Ripper.

“Would you kill for me?”

“In a heartbeat, Will.”

Will leans in and forcefully kisses Hannibal. Their fingers tangle in each other's hair as they roll around together.

Then, they pull back for a second and look at each other. Their eyes meet and they giggle for a second like they were teenagers fooling around at summer camp.

Their fingers hastily dance around each other's shirts, making quick work of the buttons, even popping a few off by accident.

Will trails wet kisses down Hannibal's neck, torso, and then stomach, until he reaches his belt. After fumbling with it for a second, he is able to free his length.

Will looks up at Hannibal’s pleading eyes as he places a kiss on his tip. A small bead of precum was already leaking from his psychiatrist. Will puts the tip in his mouth and moves his tongue in circles, teasing him.

Hannibal runs his fingers through Will’s dark curls, breathing heavily.

“Mmh Will…”

Will looks up at the man and admires the view from this new angle. Hannibal’s jaw clenches as he arches his back with pleasure.

Will takes the whole length in his mouth and bobs his head, causing Hannibal to let out the softest moans. The feeling of Hannibal's strong hands tangled in his hair sends a warm shiver down Will's exposed back.

Will's pace speeds up as Hannibal's breath quickens; he can tell he is getting closer to climax.

Hannibal looks down at Will, meeting his eyes. The image of his beloved Will with his mouth full of his cock is intoxicating. He growls and bites his lip to stifle himself.

With that, Will takes Hannibal's entire cock and throats it, causing the man to jerk with pleasure.

"Oh- fuck," Hannibal moans loudly.

Will realizes he has never really heard him cuss much before. He also realizes that he finds it incredibly hot that he is able to make Hannibal unravel like that with just his mouth.

Will deepthroats Hannibal again, drawing another whining growl out of him. Hannibal is so deep in his throat that Will's lips are practically pressed against Hannibal's skin.

Then, Will pulls back again and gently sucks the tip.

"Ah- Will... I'm- gonna-"

One more time, Will takes Hannibal's whole cock down his throat as he climaxes. Will feels Hannibal's length pulse as he spills down his throat and lets out a satisfied, breathless moan.

Their eyes meet again as Will swallows. He smiles as he notices that Hannibal's cheeks are pink and dewy with sweat. His own lips are puffy and red from the friction, and Hannibal stares at them longingly.

He pulls Will in for a kiss, tasting himself on his lips. Then, he smiles slyly.

"Now it's your turn."

[lynnettys-world]

♧CONTENT♧

♡My information♡

MAIN/ SERIES MATERIALIST

《FANFICTION》

{OT7}

☆ Calm After The Storm || BTS 0t7 x F!reader ¤ Hybrid AU

^ Slow burn, trauma, violence, fluff (in some parts), Owner to friends to lovers??, violence, gore, mature themes, profanity, Italian character oc, Hybrid BTS, Human reader.

{KIM NAMJOON}

~

{KIM SEOKJIN}

~

{MIN YOONGI}

~

{JUNG HOSEOK}

~

{PARK JIMIN}

~

{KIM TAEHYUNG}

☆ My Beloved Idol || Taehyung x F!reader ft Jimin x F!reader ¤ Idol AU. Coming Soon...

^ Mild mature themes, sasaeng accusations, mixed character (korean/Black. Blasian), Hate, one sided love, arranged marriage, jealousy, fluff-ish, cruel Taehyung, F!OC is filthy rich.

{JEON JUNGKOOK}

~

*DRABBLES & REQUESTS*

~

More to come ^_^

《ORIGINAL FICTION》

*STANDALONE*

☆ Mentality Of The Heart || Dark romance ¤ WMBW/BWWM

^ M!OC is Italian, F!OC is Black, mentions of violence, child trauma and abuse, mental illness, psychiatrist, secrets, past trauma, trigger content, mild sexual themes, deranged past medical staff, cohabitation, manipulation, multi-personality, sweet scenes (here and there).

*SERIES*

A Vampire's Mate || Fantasy Romance. Coming Soon...

Vampire M!OC, Human F!OC, vampires, witches and wizards, hybrids, mythical creatures, inter-species romance, age gap, mild mature themes, violence, betrayal, curse, reincarnation, century love.

*DRABBLES & REQUESTS*

~

More to come ^_^

《MY BLOGS》

☆ POEMS

☆ QUOTES

☆ SPILLED INK

☆ ART (PHOTOGRAPHY)

[wotchergiorgia]

17 people, 17 questions

firstly, thank you thank you thank you to @ekraaamm for tagging me!

nickname | gio (sometimes jo, but I hate it) - to be sincere, many people, to make fun of me, call me girgia, because when I was in sixth grade, while writing down my name on the Art folder, I forgot the O... so, well, basically giorgia became girgia to anyone who was there in that crucial moment.

sign | aries, rising in libra

height | 5,5 ft

last thing I googled | masterchef starting date

song stuck in my head | "there is a light that never goes out" the smiths

no. of followers | 140

amount of sleep | on average, I think around 7hrs

lucky number | 7 and I really don't know why

dream job | psychiatrist - forensic psychiatrist would be amazing, but I have to think about it

wearing | brown jeans, dr martens, school green hoodie - yes, today I look like a tree

movies/books that summarize you | movies atonement, about time (plus all the wizarding world production and A LOT of comedies). books the brothers karamazov, one hundred years of solitude, to the lighthouse, anna karenina, the umbereable lightness of being, letters to milena, the book of laughter and forgetting

favorite song | "something about the way you look tonight" elton john, "into my arms" nick cave, "last night I dreamt that somebody loved me" the smiths and "my melancholy blues" queen. I can't really choose

aesthetic | chaotic. chaotic academia in the cold seasons and chaotic cottagecore in the hot ones

favorite authors | kundera, dostoevsky, màrquez, tolstoy, woolf

favorite animal noise | bird's tweeting

random | I'm fond of chocolate. chocolate is my first and last love

tagging: @nymph-ad-ora @dopesoulcookiegoth @sapphiceffy @optimistic-nihilist @fictionalturtlenecks @in-love-with-remus-lupin @cunningfate @chillpotato @thelatinlibrarian @mkvx @nymphpens @poems-she-wrote @deniselavestal @ohwhpotter @expectolibrary @justpoetrythings @bookworm-on-rainy-days and anyone else who wants to join!!!

[kiwifrowner]

Dec 29, i am a monster that doesn't scare anyone but myself.

30, someone sent me a mail that had just one line "Maybe we just need to wash the pain, but don't know how to?".

31, i laugh like a weirdo. because they only know how not to become the god they don't want to see. yet end up being one.

Jan 01, my house with open doors is a lovestory. my mom is crushed into a hug those hands weren't the softest ones. when people leave the doors are banged.

03, this time my wrists accept the knife like butter does. after a while I am slapping bandage upon bandage, wound is getting worse and I name it healing.

06, there's a beauty in completion. i chant my favorite line for sixth time in a minute. I write a love poem ending with how I burned my house and ran away. now there's bullet between my teeth. i hate how i don't come with a blueprint of how to get rid of the monster i am.

09, i keep blabbering about myself. you look little less pale from last week, but still less alive. my third psychiatrist says that I shouldn't have made horcruxes of myself.

16, why can't we be lovers? he asked- cause that's the terrible thing to be, i said.

20, i cellotaped a diversion board on my neck. when y'll see it. walk away.

23, i said walk away.

26, my mobile beeps, 23:08 i received a text— what do we call regret, when we did everything right? "wrecks that shouldn't be wrecked at the age they were wrecked" 23:10 delivered.

29, there's a sticky note on fridge annd whatsapp message from mum with red, yellow and pink hearts. I think she knew I had a black one. dry. of love.

Feb 01, one day i will no longer be the rumors you heard about my easy parts. when i will let you in. there will be footprints, footprints of people who didn't apologize for stomping.

03, i-i.

04, i will pinch my neck and swear I didn't do it. just like that. we will be children again. will you believe me? when you see a girl sleeping on the couch but that's not me I swear. I didn't kill me.

— muffinsincoffin, diary entries

[dreamy-love222]

I told my psychiatrist about my rape today. And what happened at my mom’s friends house. And on the outing with her daughter and her horrid friends. The daughter is decent her friends are awful. They vape and make it their whole personality . Their vocabulary is vulgar and they curse every 2 seconds to seem cool. They used me to get food for free and ofc I let people walk all over me and they took advantage of the fact I couldn’t say no.

I hate my life.

Oh one of the boys also put his nasty vape in my mouth as a joke. Ha ha ha so funny. Ugh. I hate it.

And she tried to set me up with two of her guy friends and didn’t respect that I have a boyfriend.

“Who cares he’s in another continent. He won’t know.”

I care. I am as loyal as one can be. My heart is already taken. Also you can keep your Muslim men. I am not that religious and I read multiple religious books but I mostly believe in the sciences. My religion is physics chemistry biology and mathematics. I respect other people’s beliefs but I don’t appreciate it when religious people shove their religious beliefs down my throat. I don’t force people to believe in what I do believe in. So I believe they should do the same.

Just because someone prays and knows religious text by heart doesn’t mean they are better than someone who is confused about which religion is true and if there is a god to begin with.

It’s not fair to blame my rape on the fact I wasn’t close to god. If this is how your god punishes people for simply being confused then he is cruel and I refuse to believe in him and praise him. I was ok before the rape. Granted I was struggling with my ed but I was happy. I was writing my beloved poems and love letters and translating them in his mother tongue. I was going downtown 2 times a day on foot. I was going on long walks on the canal and admiring the beauty of nature and the diversity of the animals there. The flowers, the bees. I was wearing pretty clothes. Putting on expensive perfume. Using my luxury makeup. Buying matcha lattes for lunch.

Now I shake every time I walk alone. I wear anything that would make it harder for someone to rape me.

I hate how it broke me. And then I got the 9/20. It was absolutely heart shattering. It made me feel so bad. When I got my grade I cried for 3 hours that day. I was so depressed. And I got that grade 3 days after getting raped so I was extremely vulnerable. I couldn’t even celebrate my 20/20. Or my other two 19.10/20 and 19.50/20 that I got in Arabic and English. Or my other three +16/20. I have excellent grades over all and that 9 ruined it. Life is unfair. I wrote a letter to the academy asking for a second correction because I was sure I did well on the exam but the corrector didn’t like my dissertation :(. But I did respond accordingly to the problematic. French is my second language too. My French may not be perfect but I did 0 syntax error and there is only 2 points removed max on normal faults. How did 11 points get removed.

[jasmyluv]

i wanna be yours

heizou & kazuha x gn!reader | wc: 1518 | college!au | them courting you :)

~ courting ; evident in courtship in the philippines is the practice of singing romantic love songs, reciting poems, writing letters, and gift-giving before having a romantic relationship with the filipina. this respect extends to the filipina's family members.

~ in heizou's part, reader is said to be a psychology major

shikanoin heizou ♡

meeting heizou:

you went to the library to get some books for the midterms, you wanted to study as much as you can.

when you first met him, he was reading a… criminology book?

interesting… you thought. 

unfortunately for you, he felt someone staring and looked right back at you

(awkward…)

“hi! can i help you?” he broke the silence.

“ah, no. just surprised a criminology major would be reading a book instead of practicing martial arts.”

“haha, well yes. i could practice. but, professor sara said i need to study more about criminal behavior. besides, i’m already pretty good at punching and kicking stuff.”

you giggle at his words. 

“is punching and kicking really all there is to martial arts? it sounds easier than med.”

“well of course, criminology isn’t always about martial arts. it’s also about predicting what the criminal will do and what the outcome might be so you can stop whatever they’re doing.”

“true… you know if you’re struggling with human behavior, i can help you with that.”

“oh? what’s your major?”

“psychology.” 

“well, then, future psychiatrist, i’ll give you my number and i’ll ask you when the time comes.” he tries to subtly wink, though failing because you saw him.

“you’re funny, what’s your name?” you ask, getting more curious as to who this is.

“shikanoin heizou. yours?” wait…

he’s the shikanoin heizou!? 

the one that could beat you to a pulp with a single punch!?

“hehe, you looked surprised. something on your mind?” he asks nonchalantly. 

“uhm- no, it’s nothing. just didn’t expect i was speaking to the guy who could kill you with just his hands.”

“kill is too harsh, no? i prefer beat. you still haven’t told me your name yet, sweetheart. unless you prefer for me to call you that.” you’re flushed and he’s using it to his advantage. is that a skill criminology majors have? 

“it’s [name]. [name] [last name].”

he went silent for a few seconds, then smiled.

“hm, [name] as in campus crush [name]?”

“hah!?” you almost screamed, what was that nickname and who made it?

“you didn’t know? almost everyone wants to be you or be with you.”

“who made that name for me?”

“someone named “kaeya” from criminal justice.” you should have known…

“well i’ll go talk to him. i need to go now, heizou.”

“wait, where’s your number?”

“oh yeah, a second…” you typed in your number phone, he beamed once you gave it back.

“alright… i still need to study for midterms. bye.” you swiftly left the library, forgetting to get some books you needed.

kaeya also got a special visit from you.

heizou courting you:

he’s a peculiar type, always trying to annoy you or, in his words, spend time with you.

he uses the “i need help with human behavior” excuse but most of the time, it’s just him trying to flirt with you.

“[name], what else do you do best other than taking my breath away?”

“do you know what kind of fruit you’d be? no? well, you’d be a fine-apple.” (i laughed here)

“are you dead? ‘cause you seem like you’re straight from heaven.”

“would you be the muse to my inspiration?”

“do i ever tell you how dreamy you are?”

would give you his jackets and hoodies just out of the blue or when you’re cold and you forget to return it.

they’re all bad and you know it, but he still manages to make you blush.

you didn’t know if it was because of his looks or his lines because they were so cheesy.

“aren’t you cold? here, have my jacket. no, i’m not cold right now.”

he also gives you gifts randomly. but when it’s for your birthday, god damn, where did he get the money for this?

he also calls you pet names.

“here! happy birthday! hm? well, it’s a laptop. why? ‘cause i know you need it and i had some money so i thought i could gift it to you. me? i already have a laptop.”

“sweetheart, could you help me with this?”

“lovely, can i borrow a pen?”

“well, don’t you look good, darling.”

you don’t really mind since you think it’s his nature to subconsciously call people pet names.

whenever you try to tease him by calling him a pet name, he’s as red as the youtube icon.

“heizou, darling, kindly give me the pen back.”

“huh-!?”

yeah, not very composed.

though you have to admit that it’s cute.

people always see you and heizou around campus, almost as if you’re stuck together by the hip.

people ship you two but you’re more focused on getting your diploma before any relationships.

but, dear lord, how annoyed you were when heizou heard this.

“hehe, others also seem to think we’d be a good match. don’t you?”

kaedehara kazuha ♡

meeting you:

a new café just opened, of course you’re going to see what it’s like!

once you’ve set foot inside, you were met with the amazing smell of pastries being baked and coffee being made

yup, your new study area.

you decided to try their latte, it looked good on the menu, it should taste good too, right?

“next, please.” the cashier told the line. you were next, so you mentally prepped yourself. let’s just say you're more on the introverted extrovert side.

“good afternoon. may i take your order?” the cashier asked.

“uh, can i have a latte?” you tell the person. the cashier looks like your age, he has a unique hairstyle, might i add.

“of course, that will be $3.99.” you give five dollars, getting the change back.

“what’s your name? for the latte.” he asks, if you were being honest, he looked cute.

“[name].” you gave an innocent smile after.

“alright. i’ll call you when your order’s ready.” he gave the same smile back, it sent butterflies in your stomach.

god damn, he was cute. you thought.

you went to your table getting out your laptop to start an essay due.

after a few minutes, you finally hear your name get called.

“[name]?” 

you get up and get your drink, thanking the cashier as well. you could see that his cheeks were tinted a baby pink after handing your drink, almost as if he was embarrassed to give it.

you go back to doing your essay, going on for hours until it was sunset and they were closing. only then did you notice there was something written on your cup.

“hey! text me when you have time :) xxx-xxxx-xxx -kaed” 

you blush, did the cashier really like you so much that he gave his number?

little did you know, he watched your reaction and he must say, you’re cuter when flustered.

courting you:

ok.

when you both found out you go to the same university and were in the same creative writing class, you were suddenly always sitting together. 

some found it weird but let it go because it wasn’t their business.

he also gets lattes from the cafe and gives it to you when visiting.

his love languages are quality time, words of affirmation, and acts of service!!

i can picture him going to your apartment and just do random shit with you.

example; going on omegle and calling random people, although you do most of the talking, he just listens to your melodic voice

another is writing poems and showing them to you, yeah you’re a blushing mess when you find out his inspiration is you.

whenever you both are together, he would always tell you words of affirmation, one way or another.

“you look beautiful.”

“have i ever told you that i’m grateful you’re in my life?”

“i’m proud of you.”

“i’m lucky to have met you.”

whenever you’re struggling in your literature class, he would just give you pre-made poems and sonnets so you won’t have to and, of course, they’re amazing.

they make your heart flutter, especially when it’s love poems.

“to have you in my life is amazing, 

because of you, i would do everything.

the shining sun does not compare to you,

for your smile is everlasting and true.

i adore everything about you.

you welcome the world as if it was new.

of course, i love everything you do,

how i wished you knew my feelings for you.”

of course, you would get a high score but would feel guilty

so you bring him to whatever store he would like and buy him anything he wants.

but he always declines and says “i offered to give you my work. i don’t need a reward in return.”

gosh darn it, he’s so humble i can’t with this man!!

he would play you tunes by his leaf

you were obviously very confused and a bit concerned because what the hell, who plays with a leaf?

but when you heard it, oh my god it was so good!!

you told him he could be on a band

he said no and stated that “it is but a hobby i do for fun and i don’t plan on pursuing it in the future.”

i love him sm