#and being friends with a transphobe and being scared to talk about my experience as a queer person at school

[actualhumanyes]

OH NO

MY BROTHER IS DOING THE ”as long as they don’t make it their whole personality” THING

WHAT DO I DO

[genderqueerdykes]

there really is a cultural pressure for transmascs & men to detransition, and it comes from all sides. it comes from the queer community too, not just terfs and cishet transphobes.

it took me a while to realize why transphobic people and transandrophobic queers utterly despise trans guys & mascs who are over the age of like 25- it's because it pisses them right off that we've resisted their attempts to make us detransition. it makes them so angry to see they were unable to groom that person into a life of self-shame and repression. it really seems like MOST people believe that trans men will just detransition eventually in life? people NEVER think about older trans men, only teenage trans boys and trans men in their very early twenties.

when i was involved with my local punk scene i was addressed with condescension, almost everyone around me didn't accept transmasculinity as a legitimate identity and thought that we would've transitioned by now in life. i encountered folks who would talk about transmasculinity with subtle disgust that made me feel like i was doing something wrong, and people who expressed overt disgust, saying in plain english that they were disgusted by breasts and vaginas because they were gay men. all along the way i was literally mocked for not having a penis, and one of my roommates started treating me differently once they found out i didn't have one (because they were attracted to me)

i've been on T for 9 years, and been out as a trans man for a bit longer than that, and i noticed as i've aged i've also attracted a lot of folks who have tried to deter me from identifying as a trans man, either through directly telling me that trans men are inherently dangerous, or by implying that women or another gender are safer, quieter, calmer, "less traumatizing to be around," etc. one of my exes told me they were terrified to date me (despite literally going out of their way to do so for over half a year) because they were scared i would be transphobic to them because i'm a transmasculine lesbian.

i received pressure from online friends to either detransition and become an intersex butch woman, or to something feminine adjacent or nonbinary. for years i dealt with a few friends who kept subtly hinting that i should stop identifying as a trans man or trans masc because of how awful transmascs are- going as far as to sending me screenshots of transmascs speaking, complaining about them and calling them whiny, annoying. talking about how all transmascs are entitled, how all transmascs take things too personally, how we complain too much, and so on.

people make no effort to make space for transmascs and men. i met 0 transmascs in my local punk community that i was able to stay in contact with. none. i met a few in passing but none that actually were introduced to me in a capacity where i could actually try to befriend them. it really felt like other punks in the scene were desperately trying to keep the transmascs apart at times. excuses were made as to why i couldn't hang out with other transmascs i liked, but i was constantly being forced to befriend transphobic cis gay men and transandrophobic transfemmes who outwardly expressed hatred and disgust of us. it really felt like it was on purpose... almost as if other members of this community wanted our attention, but never wanted us to give each other attention or a sense of community. like we were objects, not people to be included in the community for real. satellite friends, if you will.

i'll be honest with you. i was at my lowest at this point. i realized i wasn't just a trans man and that i'm a genderqueer person who experiences multiple genders, including womanhood and an "other" gender, which was great. however now i was being forced to completely stuff down being a man for the sake of other people. instead of folks telling me they'd rather not hang out with transmascs, folks rather just attempted to guilt me for identifying as such in the hopes i'd stop identifying that way. i was being told daily that trans men and mascs are inherently violent and terrible to be around. i was in discord servers where transmascs were being kicked constantly for getting even slightly upset about transandrophobia, or being unfairly targeted by staff.

it's violence, but nobody wants to call it that. i pulled myself out of there and am now able to contact other transmascs and trans men who are proud of who they are and have elevated me back into a headspace where it's okay to truly be myself. just keep in mind that if you feel like you're in that situation, you're not alone. people who attempt to groom others are often very subtle it's not always up front. they will start slipping in hateful sentiments very slowly and make you feel like maybe they're the ones who are actually right.

it feels good to be an almost 32 year old trans guy. there's nothing to be ashamed about there. people project their feelings on to my gender and that has nothing to do with me. it has nothing to do with you, either. people will just project on to you for whatever reason- hatred is usually the motivator there. if you encounter folks who keep trying to badger you out of identifying as your gender, no matter who you are, transmasc, transfemme, transneutral, trans anything- they are not good for you. they are not your friends. they do not accept you as you are and you deserve so much better.

[olderthannetfic]

I was watching this video of a trans guy talking about his experience discovering his identity and coming out. One of the comments was something like “I want to tell my parents that I’m trans, but I’m scared because they’re transphobic.”

I give similar advice to other commenters, which basically boiled down to “Do NOT tell your parents, at least not until you’re financially independent from them and you’ve moved out.”

There was one guy saying “You are all paranoid, what do you think the parents are going to do?”

I felt that this was such a naïve and sheltered way of thinking. It’s like this guy has never heard of trans kids being kicked out or being abused directly because they are trans. I don’t know if the guy was cishet and never had to consider what queer people go through; or maybe the guy is queer, but had a loving family, and he just thinks everyone has the same experience as him. Either way, I thought it was a little crazy that this was the guy’s response.

Maybe we were expecting the worst, and not letting the original commenter build a stronger relationship with their parents. But this is unlikely: they later revealed that the parents have hit them at least once for asking if they could out with friends.

--

Oof. Even in the 2020s, the position of trans youth in parts of the US where being a cis gay is mostly okay-ish is very marginal. (Never mind all the other places people can be from.)

I do have a few friends I really think should open up to their parents more. I think those particular parents may be a little clueless, but they'd step up if they had any idea their (adult) child was suffering and hiding things.

The vast majority of the time, however, it's on parents to earn their kids' trust. If there's no trust, there's probably a good fucking reason. It may be active horribleness. It may just be a lack of being understanding and overtly opening the door for heart-to-hearts. But as a parent, it's your job to do more of that work and not leave it to your kid.

Fuck no, that trans kid shouldn't tell their shitty parents. Not until they're out of the house. If the parents are paying for college, not until after they've sent the last check.

[butchbarbieagainstterfs]

i'm so tired of cis women going "do you KNOW how terrifying it is to be a cishet white woman in a first world country and have to potentially share a bathroom with a MALE???"

like my nemesis in hell i can get hatecrimed, harassed or even killed at any time by anyone for any reason at all just because i exist as a trans man. i have to deal with dirty looks being thrown my way because i'm not closeted but also don't pass, people throwing slurs at me and calling me a dirty tranny on the street. i have to listen to a hysterical transphobic weirdo shouting "TRANNIES ARE TAKING OVER THE WORLD! WE HAVE TO STOP THEM!" in a middle of a busy shopping mall. i have to see my trans friends come to me with bruises from assault.

so my answer is, do YOU know how terrifying it is to be trans in a fucked up transphobic society that wants you gone? because i think sharing a bathroom with a stranger who wants to piss isn't as bad as being scared for your life every time you go outside.

Yeah like

a) they do not understand misogyny is not The Only Oppression and that oppression isn’t some competition. They can talk about their experiences, sure, but don’t use them to take away from other people’s experiences.

b) I have literally told one of them before that people like them make me as an afab butch human they would claim is a woman kind of afraid to use the women’s bathroom. More so than any trans woman ever would make me afraid. I was told I needed to seek help basically.

[uncanny-tranny]

To parents of trans kids who are scared of their kids facing transphobia:

Don't force your child out of being trans. Don't force them to detransition. This is not how your child from facing transphobia. Realistically, you are pushing them toward more dangerous situations because they will be desperate to find acceptance from anywhere they can.

I can't imagine how it feels to be a parent and worry about your child's safety or life because they are trans in this world. You have my full sympathy. While I can't speak from the experiences of a parent, I can speak from the experiences of a trans person who was once a child and why the above line of thinking is dangerous.

When I came out as trans, there was a huge proportion of time where my dad was very resistant to my transness. I couldn't understand why, but I believe part of why he was so resistant was because he was afraid somebody would assault or kill me because I am trans. That is a huge burden for him to think about. However, he went about this (valid) fear in a very destructive way.

He threatened my transition, he threatened to force me to detransition, and he threatened a lot of things. I retreated away from him, I couldn't talk to him about anything. I felt confined, unaccepted. I am lucky my friends and school were accepting, because I was vulnerable. Others haven't been lucky - so many people in that position have been taken advantage of by truly evil people.

You might think that you are protecting your child by making them appear cis, but that isn't how that plays out. Your child won't feel accepted, and chances are that if something horrific happened to them, gd-forbid, they won't come to you about that. This isn't protection, and I am sorry to say that. I am sorry that this isn't simple.

Here is how you can protect your trans child:

Make it clear you support them

Teach them self-respect, and how to listen to their gut feeling

Teach them appropriate versus inappropriate ways people can interact with them. Make sure they understand what harassment and abuse can look like - verbal, physical, and sexual

If you are still concerned for their physical safety, sign them up for self-defense classes

Leave the floor open for them to express how they are feeling and what they are thinking. Be non-judgmental when they are upset or worried

Please remember that trans people are painfully aware of the consequences of being trans in a transphobic world. Hell, one of the first trans people I learned about as a kid was killed as a result of a hate crime. We are aware of the world we live in. We have to live with that knowledge, and that is why it is imperative that you allow your trans child to express who they are and how they feel. You very well could save them by doing so.

We protect trans youth by empowering trans youth.

[our-nonbinary-experience]

Hi everyone! I wanted to share my nonbinary experience here (about realization, coming out, and transphobia (TW!).

So... my experience is that I didn't come out as trans at school when I had an opportunity. I identified myself as transgender man or demiboy. I wanted to tell my identity to the school psychologist and ask her to say it to the director, but... I talked about my gender identity to our psychologist, but I didn't want to come out to the entire school. I just felt scared or idk, ashamed, maybe. And I left...

After some time, I realized I was nonbinary (and not demiboy as I thought). I got more confident with the label. However, I use he/him as pronouns and two names which are typically male (but I wanna have a genderneutral body); I don't mind, though.

I think now I'm not ready to come out, in spite of me knowing my label. I might not be bullied (it's not that common in a place where I live, luckily), but I know some of my classmates are very LGBTQ-unfriendly (and especially transphobic), and they would purposely misgender me and and point at a biology book with the phrase, "There are only two sexes, you're a girl (I'm AFAB), stop it!!!"

Maybe that's for better for my safety that nobody knows the truth about me. However, I am absolutely devastated by people calling me female, forcing me to take PE lessons with girls (my country has gendered these types of lessons), call by my "real" name and she/her, etc... And what if I'm not even nonbinary and just faking it?..

Sorry for this. I thank you all for reading! Thank you, the admin of this page, I absolutely love this place! Thank you!

Being misgendered is rrally difficult, but don't force yourself to come out if you don't feel ready! If you wanted, you can try telling a few close friends who will be supportive, as a first step!

[cowboymantis]

Y'know what since it's pride month, I'll do a little random rambling about my identity, bc hell I am 22 whole years old and I am still struggling with my gender lmaoo 😭😭

But also, nowadays I think it's really funny that I took so long to properly realize I was trans and aroace

There were. So many signs. 💀

I almost dreaded to come out as trans to one of my old online friend groups, not bc I thought they were transphobic (bc we were always a heavily lgbtq group), but because I thought I took so long and now I'd have to explain myself. (Stupid I know, but my family is very transphobic, so I never got to be my true self irl, and idk if I ever will as long as my family lives, but maybe I'll be brave enough one day)

But one of the first reactions I got was just yeah I always thought you were gonna say that 😭 And us all talking AND OTHERS COMING OUT TOO it was just such a weight lifted from my shoulders, it was so great.

Because of my family, I'm not 100% sure how I feel about my gender, if I feel more nonbinary or male, it's more something in-between, but more towards male,, but that's why I just feel most comfortable without a label, I'm just me and I'm here 🛌

When it comes to figuring out I'm aroace, the thing is, I kinda thought about it before, but I wasn't sure. Even then, it wasn't too long before I realized.

I always hated romance and cheesy scenes, kissing and especially sex scenes in anything I watch make me super uncomfortable, I'd sometimes think about, if I'm grown up and in a relationship, I have to do all of that... And I was actually scared of needing to get in a relationship, or something like that. Part of it was pressure from my parents to tell me I need to find a partner, to, I guess properly live my life or something. And this is essentially what a lot of people think, that you NEED to have a partner to be complete, and I always found it so weird. I don't want a partner I just wanna sit in my room and play videogames all day :'D

Oddly enough, No Straight Roads, one of my favourite games ever, has indirectly helped me- NOW HEAR ME OUT. One name: Eve.

Omg I love Eve so so much, and her whole arc just made me slowly go ... I feel that omg

I was in one relationship in my life, I'm actually still friends with that person, they also came out as trans, but are in a poly relationship now, which is kind of funny to me because we went pretty much the exact opposite route, I love it 😭

Anyway, I never had any feelings of love how people describe it, I never had any attraction to people. But I was so desperate when we broke up, like I lost my one opportunity in life to be in a relationship, like I needed to have someone else no matter how uncomfortable I felt being in one.

And I just saw my younger teenage self in Eve and I think this is one of the reasons I am so attached to this character, gahhHH I love No Straight Roads so much. It has helped me in a time I was feeling down, it indirectly got me into kpop (😭😭yeah), which then also came at the right time when I had a downer phase, and the community of the game on release was just so sweet.

But yeah, to come back to it, throughout my life, I basically went from "I guess I'm pan or something, because I don't have a preference"

To "Okay the thought of being with a man disgusts me, so I have to be a lesbian"

To "Okay, but I just like looking at people in an aesthetical way, I simp for characters or actors as a joke, I just like looking at them or think they're cute, but that's about it"

And then I was just like oh. Oh wait. it's all coming together.

Realizing you're aromantic and/or asexual can be really hard, and I've seen others' experiences be similar to mine. I think, in a way, it's so hard bc pursuing relationships is the norm for most of the world.

Thinking back to that one lesson we had in ethics class I'll never forget, we had to write down something about the meaning of life. And then everyone should say what they have written down and what their idea was. Most people wrote down having a family. I don't even know what I wrote down (probably something like a happy life or something basic), but I talked about how meaning of life doesn't have to be having a family. And the teacher basically laughed at me for saying that bc that's the whole point of being a human!!!

And I guess from that day I had this one sided beef / grudge against this teacher bc how the hell are you an ethics teacher and think so one-sided 😭 Sure, humans start families so they don't die out, but not EVERY human needs to start a family to have a purpose in life?

So yeah, anyway. Aspecs are very nuanced, there are those who have platonic relationships, people who enjoy sex although they are not attracted to someone, I myself am absolutely repulsed by anything sexual and I don't ever want any type of relationship, I don't like being lovey dovey, and I hate being too close to someone, like hugging, etc. On the outside I've always been very distant, but on the inside I have all the love I don't have for romance, for my friends and for this world instead 😌🙏

I guess I can really seem too cold or maybe even angry, bc it's hard for me to properly show my emotions, and that's why I prefer text over word, I can express myself so freely and can add all the silly little emotes I want :3

Also, I always loved the I do not perceive and do not wish to be perceived bc yeah . Me fr jfhdjdhr

Also, I'm not too fond of sexualities and genders all having weird stereotypes, but god damit I love robots/androids etc sm I always would love to be one fr ‼️‼️ I guess that's one of the reasons I was immediately hooked on Tokusatsu- NO THIS IS NOT GONNA BE A TOKU POST THIS HAS DERAILED WAY TOO FAR

But speaking of-- Naki me belobed and ofc their actor, I love Nakayama sm man and recently read an a bit older interview of him and he's so real 😭😭 I've never literally me-d for an actor so much 🥲

[your-queer-dad]

hey dad,

rant about treatment of trans people ahead, sorry for how long it is.

im really scared of people finding out im trans and treating me differently, not even being transphobic just. being so overly careful with what they say to not make me upset

im stealth, for reference, not in the closet by any means, there are no spaces I allow anyone to treat me as my birth sex, I'm too old to let people step on me for their comfort.

i just know that if they knew they'd start handling me with gloves and catering their words to my gender to not upset me, they'd probably say the usual "oh you pass so well today" and stuff like that which feels extremely fake, the way i know if i pass is if nobody points out anything out of the norm and feels chill enough to call me stupid meme things that dont correlate to my gender because why would i care if im just a chill dude?

i dont want to be perceived as anything other than a dude, not trans, not afab, nothing, just man.

transphobia doesn't bother me, it comes from idiots who know nothing, it rolls off my skin like rain, but overly cautious wording to ensure my feelings don't get hurt really, really messes with my head, because obviously I'm being perceived as weak and in need of extreme catering to so I don't break down.

I don't care if other people need catering to, I think it's perfectly valid and more than happy to do it (I love finding ways to gender things for a trans girl friend of mine who doesn't get to express her gender much, it's fun and makes her really happy!) but I am NOT like that myself and I don't see why people should assume that of me simply because they suddenly found out I'm trans??? I'm not a different person, I'm literally the same guy you spoke with a few seconds ago, why do you think I need different handling now?

honestly... why can't trans people just be seen as individuals like everyone else? obviously some people will be more sensitive, especially if they have few outlets for their gender, but others just don't care.

aren't we whole PEOPLE???

excuse me, this is the only place i could vent anonymously without feeling judged for my experiences, everyone seems to be really loved here.

Hey kiddo! Thank you for reaching out, honestly I get what you mean. Being trans can be really hard sometimes. We're still people, we're no different than anyone else but we're treated differently. Thank you for sharing your feelings, and if you ever need to talk I'm here for you.

- dad x

[rivetgoth]

I really dont think people have any empathy for detransitioners as a reaction to how they’re used by anti-trans crowds. To the point even “allies” downplay (trans people) or parentalize (transphobes) their medical, social, and personal struggles. There’s just no good platform for us to talk with each other without us biting at each others heels. What you said is totally right I’m just tired and ranting lol. Thank you for your post

it really, really sucks (and I have seen with my own eyes) that the politicization of “detransitioning” as an action and “detransitioner” as an identity has led to the snowball effect of trans spaces, at least online (thankfully haven’t seen quite the same response around trans people I know irl, but I don’t want to imply that the behavior of large online trans spaces are inconsequential), sort of beginning to hold this suspicion or even disdain towards actual detransitioners. I feel like at least weekly I see someone on one of the big trans subreddits mention being scared of talking to detransitioners or otherwise triggered by hearing about detransitioners or reading their stories or anything. Or I just see “detransitioner” be used broadly and conflated with the transphobic grifters heading the detrans movement. I really don’t like that.

I think part of where my sadness about this comes from, other than the obvious stuff that I kinda wish didn’t have to be said, like the fact that I am friends with detransitioned people who are lovely, that we know objectively from studies done on this topic that the majority of detransitioners do so for external reasons such as social rejection, lack of access, safety concerns, etc, the fact that many people who detransition do not identify as cis, or the fact that many detransitioners are gonna have many overlapping material experiences as us when it comes to the interpersonal and on occasion even systemic mistreatment of gender and sex nonconforming individuals… is just the fact that I personally have learned a TON from detransitioners myself, and I’ve found their insights into gender and sex to be extremely helpful in conceptualizing my own identity and how it pertains to my body and my transition. It was a detransitioner who first turned me on to the reconceptualization of medical transition as a form of body modification and the question of trans rights being one within a larger conversation of bodily autonomy. I think their experience as someone who exercised their autonomy to change their body and ultimately came to the decision it wasn’t right for them gave them a lot of personal wisdom about these intricacies.

I am sympathetic to some extent that many of the trans people who express frustration towards detransitioners are doing so because they’re tired of the identity being used as ammo to further regressive anti-autonomy laws, but I’m kind of admittedly equally sympathetic to non-transphobic detransitioners who harbor frustration towards aspects of the modern trans community (such as the pervasive rhetoric I really strongly dislike but see quite often that claims “anyone who questions if they’re trans is probably trans,” which IMO does the opposite of uplift questioning people’s right to, well, QUESTION, even if they realize they’re ultimately not actually trans, and does erase the very healthy experience of questioning if transition is right for you and being wrong, as well as the reality of detransitioners existing at all) or at the larger system (such as how little informed consent doctors often actually know about HRT before prescribing it—many such cases), even if both of these frustrations are mis-aimed. This is a literally life or death topic within broader global politics for some and I get tension is high. I want to explicitly make clear I’m talking pretty complex intracommunity relations so I can avoid characterizing the trans community as like overtly hostile or irrational. That’s obviously not true.

But idk? I guess just speaking within/as a member of the trans community I wish there was more space for detransitioners to speak and I wish that detransitioners weren’t seen as a source of like… fear. Tbh I understand that it’s partly a reaction to the politicization of the identity and the way it’s weaponized against trans people, but I do kind of get the sense, and this is a more grave accusation but I think I’m right to say it, that some trans people are just… scared of seeing detransitioned people because they don’t want that to be them, and they’re scared to face their own internal fear of regret or being wrong, and in turn are harboring some level of fear and disgust at the idea of being a gender/sex nonconforming person. I think some members of the trans community have internalized this fear of regret to the point that they see detransitioned and other sex nonconforming individuals as almost caricatures of themselves or “worst case scenarios.” It reminds me of how extremely cruel certain trans people can be to non-passing trans people or gender nonconforming trans people or intersex people. I think there is a fear of transition “failing” that, while understandable as a personal/internal fear when you’re battling dysphoria and taking such a huge step and doing something so potentially socially and politically loaded, kinda sucks when it’s projected out onto others. Very reminiscent of the annoying ass trans people who claim that “second hand dysphoria” (seeing a trans person who doesn’t pass or does something you wouldn’t, usually something pertaining to stereotypes associated with their AGAB ex. a trans man who wears pink, and becoming dysphoric over it) is a thing.

I guess I just feel like sex and gender nonconformity as well as the exercising of one’s bodily autonomy—even to an end that ultimately one regrets—are all good things, and I feel like we can all learn from each other and all should be aligning with each other and building community with each other, including facing and having open minded and empathetic discourse around the idea of regretting one’s choices when we do act on them… Having support systems in place for those who need it is crucial to allowing people autonomy to begin with, similarly to how I believe drugs should be decriminalized but with that should come an overhaul in how we treat those struggling with addiction (including an overhaul of the legal system), sex work should be decriminalized but with that should come tangible material and system-wide support not just for sex workers but within the entire labor industry. With autonomy comes the risk of regret. I’m very pro-regret, I’m pro-the right to do things you’ll regret, and I am very anti-criminalization for the sake of trying to save people from regret or protect people from themselves. It’s the same reason I feel a lot of solidarity with cis people who undergo extreme body modification, whether or not it’s to an end that they’re satisfied with, as long as they aren’t propagating anti-autonomy rhetoric, and it’s interconnected with the same reason I’m pro-drug and pro-choice and pro-sex work.

[transmisogyny-explained]

I really appreciate your blog because I've been getting so much insight from it as a TME trans man who is mostly around other TME people (kinda just by happenstance, although I'm always open to trans female/transfem friends).

Anyway. You reblogged a post talking about why some trans women can seem a little prickly towards TME people, which reminded me of when I met a group of trans women IRL once at an event for trans people (most of them happened to be trans women, but all trans people were invited), and one of the women I approached and talked to most that night did seem a bit uneasy/cautious/maybe even a bit standoffish around me at first. I sort of understood at the time that "oh yeah it's probably bc I'm TME" and I've never let it get to me, ofc. I just didn't quite understand how deep that feeling towards me likely went. How much pain was attached to it.

She warmed up a good bit to me eventually, though, and we even hugged before I left. And I just thought when reading that post and a couple others you reblogged, "That woman I met that night, in her 30s, going out with her other trans female/transfem friends to have fun...she had been through a lot. She's going through a lot as I type this. She will go through much more...of course she was nervous around me. So many trans men just Don't Get It, and some don't WANT to get it...and she's suffering because of it. She and all of her friends...why would anyone want that? Especially another trans person?"

And it made me sad. It made me upset that trans women have to be on guard so much because they never know, even in space they belong in, just which TME person is going to decide they don't belong. And, just as importantly, who is going to side with that TME person to make sure she and women like her are kicked out for good...

I don't mean for this to be an "oh I'm such a good person, I would NEVER do that" type spiel. Because I'm not a good person JUST because I care about and accept trans women. It's something everyone should do by default.

I just wanted to relay this story and attach my face to it because 1). Going on anon would make this feel so much less genuine to me. Like I'm more concerned about receiving backlash from transphobes than I am about showing people I care. And I'm not.

2). I know a lot of trans women are frustrated with and scared about the lack of support from trans men. And when I remembered that story and that woman I met that night, I thought maybe if I told it and explained how I felt, that maybe I could give some kind of hope and reassurance that there are trans men who do care and do want to support their trans woman/transfem sisters/siblings.

And 3). I wanted to assure trans women making posts about their experiences with transmisogyny that their posts are reaching more than just people who also experience transmisogyny, as well as unfortunately bigots who don't believe them/don't care/perpetuate transmisogyny on purpose. I'm listening. My friends are listening. I promise we care.

I honestly don't know if this will help anyone or if this is tone deaf at all. And I'm telling you in particular because your blog is where I saw the posts, and your blog has taught me so much, and I really appreciate it. I hope it was okay to send this to you.

But yeah. Thank you for reading all this and I'm so sorry if this sounds like some random needy guy trying to win favors or praise. And no one has to believe me or say anything positive about me or what I said. I promise I don't feel like I need to be rewarded for being an ally to trans women or anything. Again, I was just wanting to tell this story to maybe prove that there are TME people who are listening. I know how stubborn and downright awful some of us can be when we're told we're being transmisogynistic. I'd imagine it's beyond frustrating.

On that note; I'm happy to see you on my dash again! Just please take care of yourself when you need to. It's okay to take breaks, or even a hiatus. Your mental health is so much more important than managing a blog. The work you do is good and important, but you deserve to have time to recover from the negativity you receive. Even if you one day have to abandon this blog for your health, you made a positive impact while you were here! I support and care about you! Thank you for being here and being you💜

I don’t think it’s tone deaf. Personally, I like hearing that my efforts haven’t been for nothing, so thanks for sharing.

[cowboyjen68]

Hi Jen,

As a queer person in my 20’s I had been feeling like LGBT+ acceptance was growing through my lifetime, and that things would continue to get better, but the way hateful/violent homophobic and transphobic rhetoric have become so politically mainstream again in such a short time is extremely frightening. I’m sure it concerns you too so if you need to ignore this ask for peace of mind, I understand. But if you can talk about it, do you think there’s hope? How does it look from your perspective as someone who lived through harder times? I feel like LGBT+ support is so much more broad now, and we’re more visible in popular culture and even some public offices that it can all only be rolled back so far, but I’m truly scared. Thanks, and be well.

I again apologize for the delay and this answer comes at a weird time since the Club Q shooting is less than a week ago.

I honestly am not sure my generation experienced harder times in some ways. Just different ways. We didn't have much legal protection such as the right to same sex marriage or civil rights to housing or employment. Many states had laws making homosexuality illegal although the laws punished "acts" more than the actual same sex attraction which was just a sneaky way to keep us in line.

The laws are not in as much danger as the right and left want us to think. But when we are panicked they make more money. Not that there aren't reasons to be concerned and we certainly don't want to sit back on our laurels and think there is no threat. From experience the far edges of the political extremes are working very hard to convince us all that no one can possibly come together on anything and the divide is so great there is nothing in the middle. MOST of us fall in the middle because we are just trying to keep our family safe and fed and pay our bills without the governement in our bedroom.

Now it is not so much about fighting laws on the books but about keeping shitty laws from being added. Similar shit, different times.

This next part is from my experience and STRICTLY my opinion since I am not a political analyst nor a professional activist A little of my background:  I was very active in the AIDs ACT Up movement, in producing Prides and other events locally AND In organizing trips of local LGBT people to attend larger events like Stonewall 25 and the early 1990's March on Washington. I also have consistently created small lesbian gatherings and enouraged lesbians to form intergenerational friend and mentor groups either privately or at existing festvials and venues. I was in Stonewall Democrats (a delegate for Obama) and the Affirmitive Action Chair for my County Dems for many years. I have been around the activism and political block a few times.

 I can’t see the future but I can assure you we have see rough times as a community and will continue to see them but we always seem to get our shit together enough to focus energy and effort on making change. Life and politics are a cycle and history shows that. Nothing is ever a guarantee for all times. All of us live in a world where rights are always subject to threat. That is just reality. My best advice is do what you can with where you are and what you are able. We can’t all lead big protests and we can’t even all vote (age, previous felonies, mobility etc) but we all can do something. 

What brings me the most joy, fulfillment and happiness is strengthening connections with lesbians and gathering to share stores, experience and knowledge, whether that means life skills or how we over came obstacles. It feels right to have those conversations and to understand younger generations and their concerns AND to be able to share what worked. I have been exposed to a very particular legacy of lesbian communicaiton and organizing. And what I was taught has helped me in so many ways.

 Find what you are most passionate about and put your focus and energy into that. We can’t all change the world but we can ceate small pockets in our lives and those of others where we feel happy and welcomed and understood. And sometimes those groups end up working on change together which can be a very powerful force. 

[viburnt]

hellooo! can I request Izuku Midoriya x trans!male reader where the reader has just lost a friend because they’re trans (the friend turned out to be transphobic)? I just lost a friend bc I’m trans and I’ve been needing some comfort lol! sorry for kinda dumping my problems onto you, have fun with this request! — ⭐️ annon (hi im new lol)

Hi, my sweet cherub! Thank you for requesting, and I'm sorry you had to go through something so painful. At least, the trash took itself out, I hope you're doing better now. You can always talk to me if you need, stay safe, and enjoy a little angst-comfort with your boy, Izuku.

-Viburnt

Trigger warnings: Mentions of transphobia

𝑰𝒛𝒖𝒌𝒖 𝑴𝒊𝒅𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒚𝒂 || 𝑪𝒐𝒎𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒕

—Hey... are you here?— Izuku asked softly, his head peeking through the door of your room to check on you. You'd locked yourself in after receiving a text during class, and Izuku - being the perceptive person he was - knew something was wrong.

The tears that were once shy in your eyes had turned into blurry fat drops, ashamed that Midoriya had to see you so distraught, affected in a way he could, perhaps, not understand.

—Leave me alone!— You yelled, your bloodshot gaze looking at him with an expression he'd never witnessed before. The breaths you somewhat managed to achieve were short and shaky, upset and startled by the wave of emotions surging in you.

You were hurt and, certainly, you were scared; he could see it by the way you'd chosen to curl up in one of the corners of your dorm.

—I'm not leaving, especially not when I know you are not doing ok.— He said, cautiously trying to de-escalate the situation. If you could understand how important you were to him, you'd see why he was so worried about you.

Slowly but firmly, he allowed himself to sit by your side, giving you space but remaining close enough to let you know he wasn't going to let go easily of you.

You couldn't help but blurt what happened, vulnerable and frail. It was like being exposed to the world, a world that seemed not to like you very much.

—They left me, Izu- I, why? Did I do something wrong?— Midoriya heard you hiccup, your voice drowning between sobs and whimpers. His heart clenched in pain with every cry that escaped your lips, his arms finding their way around your body to embrace you.

—Who left you?— He asked. You reached for your phone, showing him the text of a friend - ex-friend - saying they no longer wished to be with you, all because of your identity.

Anger arose from Midoriya's chest, his teeth clenching in rage. “What the heck is wrong with some people? The audacity-” He thought. Anyone would be affected if someone important to them suddenly decided to call quits because of their personal life.

—You didn't do anything wrong. I promise you…— You heard the greenette assure, but the voices in your head were telling you otherwise. —You're perfect just the way you are, and - the people that truly matter are here for you.

—You'll leave me too, right?— Izuku heard you ask, frowning at your words. How could anyone dare to do this to a human being?

—I won't, I'll never leave. I promise!— The boy pledged, rubbing small soothing circles on your back. —I'll be by your side for as long as you'll have me…

Sniffing, you looked at your freckled friend with hope. He'd never lied to you, and for so long, he'd always stayed true to his vows.

—I just, I don't know…

—But I know, and while I don't have the same experiences you have, be sure that I'll be here to support you in every decision you take.— He told you with a sunny smile, holding you close as the remnants of your emotional torment flowed.

—You don't think I'm a freak?— You meekly whispered, gripping his shirt as if it were keeping you afloat.

—Of course not! You're the coolest person I know, regardless of how you present yourself.— He cooed, basking in the way your lips timidly curled into a smile.

—There you go, see? Your friends, your true friends, they love you. I love you, no matter what. And if that person decided to leave because of something like that, then screw them! Who needs them?— Midoriya preached. Wiping the dampness off your cheeks, you nodded in agreement.

—You're right, I- I think it was for the best.— You answered. It was as clear as daylight now, the ones that mattered didn't mind, and those who mind didn't matter.

— Now, come. Want to see if there are any All Might ice cream pops at the convenience store?— Izuku offers. —My treat.

—The ones that are always deformed because they melted?

—Precisely!

You grinned, more comfortably and lighter than before. —Thanks Izu, I could do with a treat right now.

Midoriya kissed the side of your head sheepishly but content; he was not going to let anyone harm you.

—We can watch a movie after that, a-and maybe even hang out with Iida and Ochako!— He added.

You felt a warm sensation nest on your heart; Izuku was a real friend.

[crossdreamers]

A lesbian refugee from Uganda is doing her best to assist LGBT people living in a refugee camp in Kenya. You can help her.

The government of Uganda is intensifying its attacks on gay and transgender people, which forces more and more LGBTQA people to flee the country. Nakafeero Swabulah is organizing a team that helps lesbian women and their kids in the Kakuma refugee camp in Kenya.

Her story is harrowing, given the violence she has been facing. She has not given up, though, and she has achieved a lot with little.

We talked to her about her experiences and the work she and her friends are doing for queer people in the camp. 

Can you tell us a bit about yourself?

“I am a lesbian  activist and leader living in the Kenya Kakuma refugee's camp. I am advocating for about 80 LGBTQI refugees, lesbians, kids, and other vulnerable people.”

The anti-LGBTQA policies of Uganda

What was it in your own life that made you decide to leave Uganda?

“I came to the  Kenya Kakuma refugee's camp to seek asylum in Kenya.  I am being  persecuted and mistreated in my mother country Uganda, due to its homophobic people and policies.”

Nakafeero’s experience is in no way unique.  Sexual relations between persons of the same sex have been banned in Uganda since colonial rule. As Nakafeero put it: 

“Being LGBTQI in Uganda is not allowed by law. Due to my sexual orientation and being a lesbian I faced a lot of hostility and harassment. I was mistreated and persecuted  by homophobic people and the government of Uganda itself.”

Under the new “anti-homosexuality bill” of May 2 2023, persons convicted of gay sex may be imprisoned for life.  The  maximum penalty for “attempted homosexual acts” is imprisonment for 10 years (3 years for minors). 

You are not allowed to defend same-sex relationships or go to gay weddings, and the concept of “homosexuality” also includes  gender identities “that is contrary to the binary categories of male and female.” 

Needless to say, such a law strengthens the homophobic and transphobic attitudes of many Ugandans, and increases the hatred and the violence. So this is basically a law aimed at scaring all queer people back into the closet.

We asked Nakafeero about where she thought all the homophobia and transphobia in the policies of the Ugandan regime come from.

“I think the increasing homophobia and transphobia  come  from the government in general and the president of Uganda, Yoweri Museveni, in particular,” Nakafeero said. “But he is not operating in isolation. He exploits a homophobia that is already there, in the culture. Being LGBTQ, it's like being cursed in Uganda.”

Violence and escape

“I was persecuted and mistreated and I was about to lose my life because of my sexual orientation,” Nakafeero told us.  Her mother and her sister were both killed in their home  by homophobic people who had found out that Nakafeero is a lesbian.

“They thought that I was inside the house and they wanted to kill me or burn me alive,” she said.  “The chairman of our village ordered the villagers to look for me and to bring my head to him. Though at that time I was not inside our house.  My partner decided to keep me at her place so that I could be safe from the homophobic people.”

That very night Nakafeero got  the news that her mother and sister had been killed in their home. 

“I felt like killing myself too because my mom and my sister were the only family I had left.  Our father left us when we were still young and my mom was a single mom. May the souls of mom and my sister rest in peace!

“My partner told me about a place where I can be safe. This  was a place for LGBTQI refugees, she said , although she didn't tell me exactly where this place was. That  very night we boarded a maize transport truck. I sat behind a sack of maize [corn]. I was not even able to look outside or to see where we were going by then. I only saw the cargo. We moved out.

“Later on we got into a small car.  I could  hear them talking and she was telling the driver to drop me at the  Red Cross station.”

The Kakuma refugee camp

The Kakuma refugee camp is located the north western Tulucana county in Kenya.  The camp is managed by the  Kenyan Department of Refugee Affairs in conjunction with the UNHCR (the UN refugee agency).

You are currently living in the  Kakuma refugee camp in Kenya. Could you say a few words about life in the camp? What does a day in the camp look like?

Nakfeero saw this rainbow over the Kakuma refugee camp as a good sign.

“The  Kakuma refugee camp is not a good place for LGBTQI refugees, as there are a lot of homophobic people here too.  LGBTQI refugees in the refugee camp are being mistreated, also by fellow refugees. Keep in mind that there is a lot of homophobia in Kenya as well.”

Indeed, there are no explicit protections against discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity in Kenya either. Same sex acts are illegal, even if there are few convictions. Moreover, many of the refugees living in the camp come from African countries with equally bad traditions as regards the treatment of LGBTQA people.

“Since we are sleeping outside we are often being attacked by homophobic people. They  steal our property and have even killed some of our fellow LGBTQI refugees,” Nakafeero said.

Nakafeero told us the story about a transgender woman, Emily, who had been killed – in the camp –  for being trans, and about the murder of Joseph Kamoga, a queer man.

One of Nakafeero’s priorities is to build shelters for the lesbian women and their children.

Are you threatened for being a lesbian in the camp?

“Lesbians are not provided with  shelters where we can sleep safely. We are sleeping outdoors.  Lesbians are being raped, getting HIV and unwanted pregnancies.  We buried the child of one of the rape victims just a day ago.

“The refugee camp is not a good place for LGBTQI people. There are far too many homophobic people around here. Each and every day in  the camp there is violence. It's like spending the day in the grave.

“Being a lesbian in the camp is seen as a really  big crime. Even the UN tells us to keep a low profile.

Nakafeero wants to give the women access to sanitary products.“When we go through our periods we just use polythene bags and dirty clothes which causes infections and itching rashes,” she says.

What they need

What are the greatest challenges you are facing in the camp right now?

“We are leaving under miserable conditions. We do not have any provided shelters where we can sleep safely,” Nakafeero told us.  “Moreover, there are poisonous  snakes and scorpions here which threaten us each and every day.

“We  have very little  to eat, and there is a severe lack of medication, shelters, milk for babies and so on. The UN provides us with one kilogram of maize, one kilogram of millet, and one cup of cooking oil which they say must last for one month. It can't even take us through a week.”

“We  need our freedom and deserve to be treated like human beings.

“A European activist has set up a fundraiser campaign for me, so that I can take care of my fellow LGBTQI refugees and get  support for them. We haven't gotten much so far, but I am trying my best.”

She notes that there are those who think she is a scammer, “as they cannot believe any lesbian can survive in such a  homophobic situation.” But this is all real, unfortunately.

Are you cooperating with other LGBTQA people inside or outside the camp?

“Yes I do cooperate with some of my team because I can't manage to take care of all about 80 people all on my own.  

“I do have a team  of about ten LGBTQI refugees who help me to take care of children, like bathing them and making sure that we all sleep safely. We sleep in shifts, you see.”

What is the most important thing LGBTQA people and their friends can do to help you and other queer people in Uganda and Kenya right now? I am thinking  about basic needs as well as political support.

“We need to move away from these homophobic living conditions. I am trying to find ways of  advocating for us  so that we can get a better life. The world needs to be aware of the situation we as LGBTQI refugees live in here in the  Kenya Kakuma refugee camp.

“The Kenyan government  tells us that as LGBTQI refugees we must keep a low profile. That is  not right at all. We need more international awareness of how homophobia and transphobia are affecting queer and trans people in both Uganda and Kenya.

The refugees do not get enough food in the camp, so Nakafeero  is using some of the donations to ensure that her people get what they need.

“We need money to cover basic needs such as medication, shelters, food,  baby formula, detergents, clothes and clean water.

“I would stress the need for sanitary pads so that we as lesbians can live a normal life like  our fellow girls or lesbians living elsewhere. Many here do not even know how to use pads.

“We also need money for a  fence and for shelters so that we can sleep safely at night.

“We  really need support from fellow LGBTQI people in other countries and from others who have the heart to help us. I will be grateful for any financial support we can get. If good people out there can make the world become  aware of our situation, I would be grateful,” she concludes. “We fight for love and solidarity!”

You can support Nakafeero Swabulah and her team over at FundRazr.

Nakafeero with some of her LGBTQA friends. (All photos provided by Nakafeero).

[political-confetti]

obligatory warning that terfs/”gender critical” folks and other transphobes are not allowed to debate me on this post. go watch fox news or something.

hi i’m going to be loudly and annoyingly transgender for a second about the whole “alternate treatments for gender dysphoria” thing.*

*a quick note: although this post describes gender dysphoria in relation to transness, i am not a transmedicalist and do not think that gender dysphoria is required to be trans. i support people’s right to self-identify how they see fit as long as it’s in good faith.

i’m a trans guy, pre-t and pre-op. i’ve identified as trans for about 3-4 years now and, although i still have questions about my identity, i’m very sure that being a guy is right for me, and makes me overwhelmingly happy. 

a little while ago, a consistent and scary experience with some transphobes caused me to wonder whether being trans was right for me - not because i didn’t like being trans, but that these bad experiences couldn’t possibly be worth it, even to garner small joy from positive trans experiences.

so i started looking into TERF and “gender critical” stuff.

now, i won’t get into all of it, but those short experiences made me feel intense anxiety about my identity as a trans guy. i thought, for a bit, that i was “betraying womanhood,” or that i was just a “confused girl being tricked by the patriarchy,” or the rest of all those bullshit arguments.  i tried detransition for a bit, personal and online detransition.

it made me fucking miserable.

every day was plagued by constant anxiety, fear, anger, depression, and overall mental anguish. every single time i looked in the mirror, i was wracked with dysphoria. i tried being a butch woman, because masculine clothes made me feel better, but being a butch woman didn’t feel right to me either. i was confused, scared, depressed, and anxious. even after a while, when i started becoming numb to the dysphoria - i was miserable. i stayed in bed for hours at a time. i wouldn’t shower for days because the stress and intense wrongness of seeing my body and calling it a woman’s body hurt so badly.

TERF and gender critical circles told me all women and girls felt this way.  i talked to one of my friends about it. she’s a cis girl, a devout feminist and a loud and proud hater of the patriarchy, one of my coolest friends. she’s experienced misogyny in her life, as almost every woman and afab person has. i asked her whether she hated being a girl and if so, why. her response?

“i don’t hate being a girl - i like it, i like what it means for me. gender’s different for everyone and random for everyone, and what being a girl means to me is comfortable. i hate the way some people demean, infantilize, dislike or are just violent against me for being a girl, but i don’t hate being a girl. if we eradicated the patriarchy - which will take a long fucking time, but if i was alive when we did - i’d choose to be a girl over and over and over again.”

i understood, and i didn’t understand. i understood because that’s how i felt being a boy, being a man, and i didn’t understand because how could one love being a girl? i hated it, for reasons i couldn’t discern.

i thought about it again. i thought - i don’t think women feel like this. i looked at all my friends and family who are women, and i watched and experienced their ease with their gender, and i thought…why am i forcing myself into this? when i know, over and over and over again, that it doesn’t work for me? that i get angry and stressed and numb and depressed and feel so so bad?

the thing about gender dysphoria is that we don’t really have a concrete idea for  why it happens. there’s theories, some more solid than others. it’s likely a mixture of a bunch of factors, from genetics to socialization to environment to a shit ton of other things. and the “gender critical”/TERF groups i looked at would cite that as a reason why we shouldn’t treat it or alleviate it.

as you can tell, from countless fucking studies and anecdotal evidence and experiences and medical professionals and the trans community advocating for it over and over and over again, it’s bullshit. it’s fucking bullshit. not knowing the concrete reason for why something happens is not a reason to ignore it, dismiss it, or make it worse.

there are plenty of complicated or difficult-to-explain things in the world. gender dysphoria is one of them. that doesn’t mean that it shouldn’t be alleviated. i fully support people with gender dysphoria who identify as cisgender and/or want to  treat their own dysphoria with ways other than medical transition, provided they’re not being pressured into it. but forcing detransition and “alternate treatments” onto other people does not work. insisting that it’s something everyone needs to try or do does not work. discrediting the many studies that have been done and the medical professionals vouching for it as well as the experiences of people who have gone through it does not work.

but, obviously, these people don’t actually care about making people’s lives better, or healthier, or happier, or more comfortable. they just don’t like trans people and what we do with our bodies, no matter how small. from a 7 year old trans girl growing out her hair to a 35 year old trans man getting phalloplasty and testosterone, all of it is scary and predatory and strange and destructive and disgusting and wrong.

in my opinion? there is nothing more wrong than denying yourself comfort because other people find it bad.

and yes, being trans still hurts me sometimes. it hurts a lot for some people and doesn’t for others, but for me it can. i still get insecure and dysphoric about my voice, or my height, or my face shape. i still get emotionally drained and exhausted from meeting transphobic relatives. i still feel uncomfortable and frustrated when i get gendered incorrectly by strangers. i feel sad and numb when i see another dead trans person in the news, when i see people calling me and my community disgusting.

but all of that is outweighed by the joy. the joy of having friends like me, friends who understand my identity and are there for me. the joy of going to a pride parade or a queer cafe and meeting people like me. the joy of wearing clothes that i like and cutting my hair how i want and doing my makeup in a way that makes me feel good. the joy of looking in the mirror and knowing that, while some things still aren’t where they’re supposed to be, i still have my short messy hair and my hairy legs and my trans-taped chest. and i can love myself, in a way that makes me feel good. the joy of thinking about my future and seeing transformation instead of torture.

it still hurts sometimes, but it hurt so much more when i was trying to force myself to live in a body that wasn’t right for me, and doing nothing to alleviate it. 

so i hope this post reaches someone out there, someone who’s going through the same thing i went through back then. you do not have to deny yourself comfort and happiness for other people. there is nothing wrong with who you are or how you’re living. you are allowed to exist in a way that makes you comfortable in your identity. and you are not responsible for molding yourself to fit other people’s expectations. you aren’t hurting anyone - you’re just trying to exist. trying to live. 

and there is nothing wrong with that.

[axolozzy]

vent (tw for extreme ablism transphobia and overall terrible stuff idek if i should even post this im sorry i just really need to vent i will probably delete this later)

y’all i’ve finally gotten comfortable vocal stimming in front of people im comfortable with like my friends and family and now my mom all of a sudden thinks im hearing voices or that i have “multiple personalities”????????* like no i promise nothings “going on” with me and j don’t need to see a mental health professional im just stimming because im happy. what the fuck

*also i’ve literally told her for YEARS that it’s called DID and talking in different voices does not fucking mean someone has “multiple personalities” because this has come up SOO fucking much over the years and i’m getting tired of explaining it. i repeat things in funny voices because it’s fun. i’ve done it my whole fucking life it’s called echolalia it’s called STIMMING and she doesn’t listen to me whenever i explain that

so much for being comfortable being myself around people. “you never used to act like this” BECAUSE I WAS SCARED!!!!! BECAUSE I HAD TERRIBLE ANXIETY AND DIDNT WANT TO BE JUDGED FOR BEING WEIRD!!!!!! my parents genuinely think there’s something severely wrong with me now. they literally told me that. because i meow sometimes as a vocal stim. and so do LITERALLY ALL OF MY FRIENDS AND PEOPLE AT SCHOOL. PEOPLE IN CLASS TALK IN WEIRD VOICES AND MAKE ANIMAL NOISES TOO ALL THE FUCKING TIME!!!!!! ITS NOT FUCKING SERIOUS!!!!!! GOD FUCKING DAMMIT

i’m genuinely so fucking tired of this god who fucking gives a shit of im weird. i’ve been like this my whole life its not my fuckign fault that you didn’t pay attention and don’t remember. FUCK

my step dad’s a fucking dick too i genuinely hate him so fucking much i cant fucking take it anymore. NO!!!! IM NOT GOING TO FUCKING MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH YOU BECAUSE IT MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE AS FUCK. “why” because im autistic. “that’s not an excuse” yes it fucking is bitch its literally a symptom of fucking autism. no i AM going to keep calling myself autistic because thats what i am. no its not “putting a label on myself” because im actually fucking diagnosed autistic im not going to pretend it doesnt exist. because i fucking exist. im not going to “beat” my autism by suppressing all of my autistic traits because you want me to. “why?” DO YOU FUCKING HEAR YOURSELF???????

and this guy worked in mental health for 17 years. he worked at a psychiatric hospital for 17 years. he never went to college or learned anything about mental health at all. he thinks he knows more than me about my fucking disability when he says the most outdated offensive shit ive ever heard about autism or DID or schizophrenia. he doesnt listen to a word i say because he’s “older than me and has more life experience” and therefore he automatically “knows more than me and im wrong.” he doesnt listen to anyone actually. he literally says to people not to correct him when he’s wrong because he doesnt like being told he’s wrong to being told what to do or think. he’s “not going to change his beliefs for anyone” even if he knows his “beliefs” are literally just fucking factually wrong or actively harmful. he purposely makes people feel like shit if they stand up for themselves against him. he purposely makes me feel like shit because im the only one in this fucking houses that dares to disagree with the shit he says. he’s a republican he’s obsessed with trump and blasts conservative transphobic racist news channels on the tv right outside my room at night so it keeps me awake and doesnt turn the tv down when i ask because apparently he has hearing problems but has never once got that checked out. he deadnames me and says “because of his adhd he’s not sure he’ll ever remember to use the right name so he’s not even gonna try.” and he says he loves and supports me but is constantly saying the most ableist transphobic shit to me and says he’s just giving me a hard time because he loves me. he has said on multiple occasions with a straight face that “fat people piss him off and they’re the one type of people that he doesnt feel bad for being outwardly hateful and discriminatory towards.” he tries to make me feel guilty for not believing in god. he’s anti abortion. he doesnt want me to get gender affirming care under his roof because he thinks its weird and disgusting and doesnt want me to get a dick even though i have told him a million fucking times i never want bottom surgery and i dont know why this is any of his fucking business anyway. he constantly tells me my online friends aren’t real friends and when he knows i love talking to them he purposely turns the wifi off. he asks me why im acting so weird and i say its how ive always acted alone and with my friends and im just being myself and he says “stop acting like that.” “why. im not going to change who i am for other people.” “well i want you to around me.” KILL YOURSELF IM SO FUCKING SERIOUS. GOD FUCKING DAMMIT I HATE HIM SO FUCKING MUCH

he’s a manipulative bastard and whenever we get into arguments, SOME FUCKING HOW a few hours later were happy and forgiving eachother and im the one saying sorry. he’s an asshole to me and everyone around him, he’s an asshole to my mom. they are constantly fighting but always deny it. i cant fucking take it anymore

sorry for this vent i know people dont follow me to know about my personal life i know i shouldnt say this stuff but i dont fucking care im so sick of this. i woke up this mornign feeling more excited happy and motivated than i have felt all week and it was ruined the second my mom came in my room saying that the way i act (my literal vocal stims) make her think there’s something severely wrong with me. i love her more than anything in the world she’s the best mom ever but what the actual fuck??????? anyway i hate my stepdad and even though i dont believe in hell i hope he fucking burns

[doberbutts]

Your recent posts talking about how HRT are incredible. Im so happy for you with the progress youre making!! Its genuinely shameful how HRT is treated by medical communities- that Gender is more important than a person healing. A cis woman should be able to access Testosterone with 0 stigma if it means healing a condition she suffers from.

That said, I have a trans woman friend who started HRT and the hormones she took (estrogen and progesterone i believe) actually triggered her body into a Fibromyalgia episode, apparently to the point where she has developed from being completely able bodied into being entirely disabled because of this auto immune disease. Shes considering detransitioning because apparently Testosterone can help with her symptoms. I feel very sad for her, and I obviously wish this didn't happen to her, nor is this an attempt to scare anyone into not going on HRT, but I really wish resources out there were more honest about the effects of hormones on the body, both good and bad!

Theres such a mystification around HRT, both from people who are transphobic and gender conservative, and from trans people and allies. I want the genuine truth to be told, so i really appreciate you telling your story on here! Thanks so much for being here for us Jaz! You make the community a much better place 💖

You bring up a good point and it's back to the POTS conversation I had [which I think this ask may be from lmao sorry for taking so long to respond] regarding how I wondered if any amab person taking estrogen discovered any of these "occurs most often in women" conditions like POTS and fibro etc and regretted their decision to transition. For me, simply adding testosterone fixed a lot of my health problems to the point that I don't really have a problem with my heart anymore. But if made me curious if anyone *gained* a problem from estrogen.

I won't say there's no drawbacks to HRT, but to me the massive health boost is worth it. I wish others could experience this too.