#and i very much understand that a lot of it is based in anxiety that could probably be worked through in time

[nobodymitskigabriel]

It's just that I feel like if someone says "I'm not very good at math" then that's generally acceptable in society and that person probably won't choose a math career and no one pressures them to practice and get better at math as if their life depends on it. But when I say "I'm not very good in social situations" people will give me all this advice about how I should do this or practice like this or start thinking like this in order to "get over it". And this isn't about me not having a good time in the club or something. This is about the fact that at this point it's like I'm virtually unemployable and unable to sustain myself because I am not a naturally social person.

[hobisexually]

x

[nereidprinc3ss]

hii i love love how u write spencer omds🥸

uhh i was wondering if you could write sth based off the song “we’ll never have sex” by leith ross? pls dont feel pressured to write this btw😭😭😭 hope ur having a good day lovely💗💗

hello my love i have no self control so this is extremely long and plotty but i love this song and i hope that this is any good at all crying emoji (i'm on a laptop LOL) enjoy!!

warnings/tags: angst/fluff, fem!reader, negative self-talk from reader, mentions of past sexual coercion/feeling used, mentions of past excessive drinking to combat social anxiety, ive been watching a lot of new girl lately and i think it shows, SO FRIENDS TO LOVERS, happy ending

You weren’t expecting to end up on Spencer Reid’s worn-leather couch at two in the morning, clutching a chipped mug of coffee in your hands as you listen to the sounds of the city from the street below. But there you are, sitting with your legs folded under you, in your favorite dress and first date-night makeup (now bleeding and smudged from all the crying.) And realizing that despite considering him one of your closest friends, you haven’t been to his apartment in a long time. There are, of course, good reasons for that—but you try to push those from your mind. 

“I’m really sorry about this,” you sigh, staring at your warped reflection in the glassy black surface of your coffee. Spencer is coming out of the small kitchen, now bearing his own cup. 

“Please, stop apologizing.” 

You glance up, tentatively studying him from behind the safety of your mug. While he may not have been asleep when you knocked on his door ten minutes ago, lachrymose and barely verbal, he must have been getting ready for bed. He’s clad in patterned pajama pants, mismatched socks, and an FBI crewneck that is just big enough to reveal the collar of the tee-shirt underneath. He’s already taken out his contacts, and you were startled by the reminder that he also has glasses. 

“So...” he begins, bringing you back to the present moment, “we don't have to talk about anything, if you don’t want to, but...” 

You sigh, watching coffee bubbles swirl like stars in a galaxy. 

“It’s fine. Honestly, I’m kind of embarrassed. I didn’t really think, I just... ended up here.” 

“Yeah... where did you come from?” he laughs quietly. “Not that I’m complaining. But I recall you not living super close by.” 

“No, no. I was actually on a date. Kind of.” 

“Ah.” There’s a beat of silence, and ostensibly Spencer is waiting for you to say more, but instead you take a sip from your mug. “At two in the morning?” You nod dully, staring at the labyrinthine pattern of the Persian rug.  

“I’m taking it that it wasn’t a very good date...?” 

A whoosh of air escapes from your puffed cheeks. 

“No it was not. Not by the end, anyway. It actually started really well, which made it even more disappointing when he...” you laugh, but there’s not much humor in it. “Well, when he kicked me out of his car on a street corner because I didn’t want to sleep with him.” 

You don’t look to see Spencer’s reaction—only take another long, baleful sip of coffee and ignore the heavy silence.  

“I’m really sorry. You... you deserve so much better than that.” 

An attempt at a jaded scoff from you falls flat. 

“Yeah, well. Tell that to the last three white house interns I’ve gone on dates with. It’s the same thing every time.” 

“Have you considered going on fewer dates with white house interns...?” The nervous humor is a thin veil over genuine critique. You shrug, biting the inside of your cheek. 

“It’s not just them. Every single guy I’ve liked since I was 15 has been like this. Even my past relationships, I felt like I was almost... tricked into, you know? I mean, these guys, they act all understanding and willing to take it slow or whatever, until you’re in a relationship, and suddenly they’re guilt tripping you so hard and making you feel so obligated to...” you catch yourself just in time, glancing up at Spencer. You’re not sure what to make of his expression. The drawn brow and slightly squinted eyes trained so intently on you could be sympathy, or anger, or pity, or apathy—you look away, not sure you even want to know what he’s thinking. “Sorry. You don’t need to hear all about that. Basically romance is exhausting and since I’ll clearly be single forever I’m considering running away to join a nunnery.” 

When he doesn’t respond for too long, you look back up quizically. 

“I’m not sure you know what romance actually is,” he says as soon as your gaze meets his, like the eye-contact activated some kind of hair-trigger in his vocal box. 

You blink, lowering the coffee cup to your lap. 

Says Spencer Reid? 

“...sorry?” 

He flushes, stammering to clarify himself. 

“I just meant—I—I know I’m not exactly fighting women off with a stick—” he interrupts himself with a self-conscious (adorable) laugh— “but... but I have been in love, at least once.”  

“Maeve,” you say, gently—trying to shove down bitter guilt as you remember how jealous you’d been when Spencer had first told you about her. “I remember.” 

He swallows and nods. 

“We never even met—we just talked. All the time. I had no idea what she looked like. But it didn’t matter at all. Because I knew her, and I loved her. Maybe things would have gone further if I hadn’t been calling her from public phone booths, but that wasn’t the most important thing to either of us. We were still in love.” You try to shut out the sharp ache in your chest. Being jealous of the way he speaks about a dead woman is so wrong.  

“What I’m trying to say is that romance isn’t solely about sex, or even physical appearance. It sounds to me like you’ve been with a lot of men who don’t understand that. And it would be such a shame for you to write romance off in general before you even get to experience it. You are... an extraordinary woman. You’re funny, and intelligent, and kind, and so capable of being loved. One day, someone is going to see beyond your pulchritude and prove that to you. I hope you let them try.” 

More tears blur the pattern on the rug, pooling in the rims of your eyes before spilling down your cheeks in fast, fat drops. Shakily you set the cup down, resting your elbows on your knees and hiding your face in your hands. You sniff once. Twice. Shake your head quickly, attempting to wipe the tears away without further smearing your makeup everywhere. 

“Shit, I’m sorry,” Spencer breathes, leaning forward but obviously unsure how to comfort you. “Please don’t cry, I wasn’t--I was trying to do the opposite of this.” 

“No, I’m sorry! You didn’t have to—you didn’t—I’m sorry. That was way too nice.” 

But you're not crying because he was nice.  

Someone will love you, but not me. That’s all you can hear. 

His voice is a mere whisper when he next speaks. 

“I meant every word.” 

You take a shuddering breath, allowing yourself a moment of reprieve behind the peaceful black of your eyelids. You can’t be looking at his face when you say what you’re about to say. 

“I had a crush on you for the longest time, you know.” 

Ringing silence. But it doesn’t last as long as you’d imagined. It’s not as world ending. 

“Had?” 

The little smile in his voice is like a fist around your heart. 

“Yeah. You know what changed?” 

“What’s that?” 

Absolutely nothing. 

“Every time I got super drunk and started hitting on you, you’d just drive me home. And I did it a lot. Like, for months. But you were such a gentleman. It drove me fucking crazy. So eventually I figured you just didn’t like me and I gave up.” 

Another stretch of silence. A breeze comes in from the open window, fluttering the curtains and cooling the tears on your face. His response is sad when it finally comes. 

“You thought I didn’t like you because I didn’t try to take advantage of you when you were drunk?” 

“Pretty much.” You smile ruefully, fingertips still pressed over your eyes. “God, listen to me. No wonder I get treated like garbage.” 

“Stop. Don’t talk about yourself like that. Did you hear anything I just said?” 

You sniff, looking to the ceiling. 

“Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. It was really sweet.” 

More silence. 

“But you don’t believe it.” 

A bitter laugh poisons the air around you. 

“I don’t know.  I’m kind of tired of waiting for someone to prove it to me. Just for once, I want someone to be interested in me beyond having sex in the back of their fucking... Range Rover, or whatever. Like, maybe all that stuff you said is true, but there’s no evidence to support it, and I know logically you’re probably right but I can’t help wondering if... if I’m the outlier. Maybe there just isn’t someone for me like that. Maybe I’m just gonna be the sex in the back of the Range Rover girl forever.” 

A noise somewhere between a laugh and a sob forces itself from your throat and you bury your face in your hands again, shaking your head. 

“Wow, I am so sorry,” you say a little too loudly, “I did not mean to be this honest tonight. Did you spike my coffee?” 

“You are not the outlier,” Spencer whispers.  

You sniff, lifting your head haltingly to look at him. 

“What?” 

His voice shakes slightly as he speaks. 

“You said you can’t help wondering if you’re the outlier, and maybe there just isn’t someone for you like that. That’s not true.” 

“Spencer, those are just words. You can’t possibly know that. Statistical probabilities don’t count.” 

“That’s... that’s not how I know.” 

Your heart drops as you study his face.  

No. 

Surely he’s not saying what you think he’s saying. 

Surely he wouldn’t do this to you after you’ve just told him everything you told him. You have been harboring feelings for him for years. Since you met. He can’t just spring this on you one night because you’re a little bummed out. If he felt the same, you would have found out a long time ago; he had ample opportunity to tell you. There was a period of months where you practically threw yourself all over him at every chance you got, and he did nothing. So this... this is just cruel—something you’ve never known Spencer Reid to be. 

You stand up, trembling slightly with rage and grief and humiliation. 

“Don’t do that. Don’t say things that you don’t mean just to make me feel better.” 

“What are you doing? Don’t--” 

You scoop up your purse, trying to get to the front door as fast as your gelatinous legs will allow. More tears are streaming down your face now and you don’t need him to see what he’s done to you—to see how much you care what he thinks. 

“It’s fine. Thanks for the coffee, I’ll see you around—” 

A hand around your wrist stops you in your tracks 

“Stop. Just... please give me a second to talk, okay?” 

With nothing left to give, you turn to him. 

“Don’t be mean, Spencer. Don’t act like you liked me too. That makes me feel... so much worse.” 

He takes a deep, shaky breath, as if steeling himself. Tawny eyes bore into your soul, and you realize that there is so much sheer nervous energy radiating off of him it’s infectious. Your heart begins to pound as he speaks. 

“I’m not doing that. I’m being an idiot, because you just told me that you don’t feel that way about me anymore but... but I do. And I have to tell you now because for six months I tortured myself wondering why you would flirt with me so much when you were hammered and then act like nothing happened the next day. There were so many times I almost told you how I felt but I didn’t and now I am because even if it ruins our friendship you need to know that somebody... that I wanted to be that person for you. I still do.” 

Your heart is like an unmoored zeppelin in your chest, bumping against your esophagus and threatening to either burst or jump out of your mouth. You take your chances, whispering so quietly it’s almost inaudible. 

“You... you like me?” 

“Yes,” Spencer sighs. “I have liked you for a very long time. And I’m sorry—” 

Whatever ridiculous thing he was going to apologize for, you don’t give him the chance. Instead you launch yourself at him, capturing his lips in a kiss that feels so much better than it’d ever been in your fantasies because it’s real. You hear his sharp intake of breath, but it only takes a second for him to respond, cradling your face in his hands like you’re the entire world. For a moment, time bends. Years of longing, of buried dreams crash into the present in a brilliant, dazzling explosion.

And then, as quickly as it started, he pulls away. The absence of his touch is like a vacuum, so much worse now that you know exactly how it feels to have his lips on yours, even if it was only for a few seconds. How the hell did you live like that for so long? How are you supposed to live like that ever again?

“You’re not thinking clearly,” he breathes, tilting his head back toward the ceiling like he’s barely holding onto his self control. “You just want someone to comfort you, I’m not going to take advantage of you when you’re in an emotionally vulnerable state and confided in me which is manufacturing a false sense of attachment—” 

You grab his wrists, which still graze your jaw.

“Spencer, stop intellectualizing for thirty seconds. I promise you I am thinking clearly.” 

“You said you used to like me, past tense—” 

“Yeah, I did. Do you believe every single murderer who says he didn’t do it?” 

“No, but—” 

“Have you ever heard the phrase; a drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts?” 

“Of course I have.” 

“Then what more could you possibly need to be convinced that I really like you? I already kissed you! What is stopping you?” 

Another deep breath is taken by him that seems to suck all the air out of the quiet room. Briefly, you wonder if you’ve made a terrible, terrible mistake. If you really do like him so much more than he could ever like you.  

Until he looks back down, eyes so golden-brown in the dim light, so kind and full of affectionate concern as he carefully assesses every square centimeter of your face, looking for... well, you’re not exactly sure what. It’s like he’s extracting every thought from your head, turning them over like sun-warmed stones until he finds what he’s looking for. He smooths his hands over your hair, brushing strands away from your teary face. Finally, after what feels like an eternity of holding your breath, he speaks. 

“I just want you to believe what I believe about you. But I don’t want you to have to rely on me or anyone else for your own self-worth.” 

“Well, don’t you think very highly of yourself,” you tease with a sniffle. He laughs—it's quiet, but his smile is so bright without even trying that suddenly you can’t remember why you’ve ever been sad. The small miracle of his laughter makes you feel so light, and you realize it has nothing to do with the way he makes you feel about yourself. It has everything to do with who he is. 

Once the giggles die down, you tentatively mirror his hold on your face. 

“Spencer, I don’t like you because you like me. I’ve liked you for an embarrassingly long time. I liked you enough that I gave myself a severe hangover at least once a week for three months just so I could have an excuse to flirt shamelessly with you.” 

A half-sad smile pulls at the corner of his mouth, and he gently swipes under your eyes. 

“You never had to do that. I would have welcomed your sober brazen flirting with open arms.” 

“Well... do you believe me?” you plead. His amber eyes shine. 

“I do.” 

“Will you kiss me?” 

“If that’s what you want.” 

You nod, rising on your toes to meet him halfway. 

When your lips meet again, it is sweet, and honest, and slow, and deep. Still, there is no desperation--no race to an imagined finish line, no clash of teeth and pawing hands. It is a kiss for the sake of it—as if it were the greatest intimacy. Not a precursor to sharing a bed, but something bigger than that in and of its own. Something just as worthy and important. For the first time, you think you’re beginning to understand romance. And while you wouldn’t mind if things did escalate, you also know that Spencer knows that’s not what matters right now. Because he actually understands you—he actually cares. He will wait until you understand that you mean so much more than that to him.

To that end, he pulls away, gently supplanting his absence with a kiss to the corner of your mouth. 

“It would be polite of me to offer you a ride home, wouldn’t it?” he whispers, like it’s the last thing he wants to do. You bite the inside of your cheek, coming up with reasons not to go. One ridiculous one arises from the depths of your memory that you know he won’t be able to say no to. 

“Or... I could stay here, and we could watch one of those nerdy foreign films you’re always talking about?” 

A slow, perfect, high-watt smile blossoms on his face, and you know you’ve said exactly the right thing. 

“Nerdy? Oh, my darling girl... Soviet-era filmography is far from nerdy. небесная машина will completely defy what you thought you knew about the life of an average Russian villager in the 1950’s.” 

“Oh, good. Because I’ve really been meaning to change the way I think about the average 1950’s Russian villager,” you smile, already closing in to kiss him again. 

------------------------------------------ 

epilogue

Three hours later, you’re crying because the life of the average Russian villager in the 1950’s was so much worse than you’d previously thought. 

“It was good, right?” Spencer asks as the credits roll over a bleak snowy sepia landscape, leaning back to get a better look at you. You sit up from where you’d been leaning against him, furiously wiping your eyes. 

“It was terrible! Why didn’t you tell me that everyone except the kid dies in the end?!” 

“Because that’s the whole point of the movie!” he laughs, pulling you back into him. “I’m sorry. I probably should have explained how depressing this entire era of film was outside of the US.” 

“And also how long the movies were. I was not prepared for how many five minute long clips of empty fields there were going to be.” 

“You’re right,” he ammends, wrapping his arms around you in a way that gives you butterflies and makes you sleepy at the same time. “Next time we can watch whatever you want to watch.” 

Time passes like that—you in his arms, watching weak light slowly flood the room with half-lidded eyes and listening to the sounds of the city waking up from the street below, underscoring the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. Thoughts float by like leaves on the ever-flowing current of your mind, and you’re happy to let them pass until one in particular catches your attention. 

“Spencer?” 

He hums, like he’d been deep in his own proverbial river of thought. 

“What does pulchritude mean?” 

It takes him a split second to remember the bit of conversation from earlier to which you are referring, but when he does, he chuckles, running his hand over your messy hair. 

“Don’t worry about it.” 

And so you let it float away. 

[sanjisboyfie]

choso's boyfriend meeting little brother yuji!

requested muahhh

modern au! pairing is obbbvvsss choso x male reader <333

-> i actually also don't care if you think choso is out of character ebcause this is how i perceive him and hwo i perceive him is the actual correct way because i am actually gege <333!! + very much fluffy a lot of fluff, i think this is a very cute thing ive written for the public to read

choso was sweating bullets. the collar of the shirt he was wearing suddenly felt as if it was suffocating him and choking him out. his palms were sweating profusely and the grip he had on the steering wheel was almost slipping beneath him. his usual pale complexion had turned red and it wasn’t clear if it was because he was flustered, nervous, or feeling sickly…maybe it was all three.

now, what would prompt such a reaction from a man like choso? usually calm, collected, and responsible choso. the answer was his boyfriend and little brother were finally going to meet. his baby brother yuji, who meant the absolute world to him, was going to meet the love of his life. okay, granted the two of you had only been dating for seven months, but choso was confident he was the only man for him. he lived and breathed for this man! to think someone as special as his lover is meeting his little brother, who is someone tremendously special to choso…it strikes such an anxiety in him he can’t even explain.

what if the two of you hated each other? what if yuji didn’t approve of him? the boy was still young so what if he didn’t understand why his big brother was dating another boy. god, did choso have to have a really awkward conversation with him?

choso almost pulled over to vomit his nerves out.

but thankfully, he arrived at his beloved’s house and was greeted with his handsome grinning face. the perfect nerve relief for choso. he rushed out of his driver’s side, going over to the passenger side and greeting him with a firm kiss.

instantly, the action was reciprocated and the two were standing there practically making out for a good minute. [name] finally pulled away, softly tapping choso’s cheek and grinning ear to ear, “are you excited? i can’t wait to meet lil yuji, aw, he’s just so cute in all the photos you’ve showed me,”

choso can only weakly chuckle, not wanting to kill [name]’s excitement with his nerves. instead, he just silently opens the passenger door and gently closes it once his boyfriend is secure inside. once they’re both sat down, choso’s hand instinctively reaches for his, squeezing tight as the two begin their drive back to choso’s household.

“he’s just so cute, i can’t wait to pinch his cheeks,” the man beside the brooding choso gushes, looking at photos of yuji on his phone.

“he’s not a baby,” choso weakly laughs, “he’s already five, i don’t think he’d like you pinching his cheeks like some kid,”

“he is a kid, though, an adorable one at that!” the giddy grin on his face eventually infects choso, who can only smile to himself. “what should i talk about with him…i can’t think of much a senior in high school would have in common with a kid that small,”

“just be yourself and he’ll find something to entertain himself and you with, he’s really hyper active like that,” choso advises, shrugging his shoulders to loosen up his nerves, “he really is into his comics nowadays, though,”

[name] hums in interest, scooting over in his seat to be closer to his boyfriend. without warning, he kisses choso’s cheek with a mischievous grin. the reaction is instant, choso’s face bursting red and the car jolting ever so slightly from the pleasant surprise.

“you’re so nervous, baby, everything is going to be fine,” [name] comments, playing with the raven hair at the base of choso’s neck (only making the blush on his face deepen further), “i’m sure me and yuji are going to get along splendidly! don’t think i’m not gonna try impressing him either, i want him to like me.”

“you don’t have to do that…” choso mumbles, feeling incredibly embarrassed and flustered.

“i am going to, though. i know how much he means to you, i won’t mess this up, promise!”

another peck to choso’s cheek has him somewhat relaxing as he holds tightly onto his hand.

“yuji, this is [name], say hello,” choso says, catching his brother that immediately ran to him. he carried him up so that he was resting on his hip, the small child able to see [name] at eye level.

“hi [name]!” yuji excitedly calls out, happy to see a possible friend, “i like your hair!” he confidently compliments, lips stretched in the most adorable grin. it took all of [name]’s self restraint to not pick the kid up and smother him in love and affection.

“thanks, lil man,” [name] grins, “i like yours too, it’s a cool color!”

yuji frowns, shaking his head, “i want my hair to be red, it’d be cooler!!”

“you like red, yuji?”

an adament nod was the only answer he needed. choso breathes a sigh of relief at the fluidity of the conversation, realizing that he probably had nothing to worry about. for the rest of the day, the three never separated. [name] made sure to entertain yuji, exaggerating his reactions to whatever lil yuji said, but it was still endearing and genuine.

“i’ll get us some snacks,” choso says, placing yuji from off his lap and onto the couch cushion near [name]. the older man made sure to watch carefully so yuji didn’t get too close to the edge.

yuji looked at the back of his older brother, waiting until he was out of sight before tugging on the collar of [name]’s shirt. the man was shocked at the sudden action, but before he could say anything a tiny hand covered his mouth.

“shhh!!” yuji loudly shushed, his spit ricocheted onto [name]’s cheek. the man grimaced and wiped it away and made sure to show he was silent when he did. “are you the one aniki has been talking about?” then yuji lowered his voice into a very low whisper, “his booyyfriienndd?”

[name] blinked in surprise, expecting anything but that. before he could deflect the question, knowing choso probably wanted to be the one to formally tell the news to yuji, the pink haired boy placed his hand on his mouth again.

“shhh!! not too loud!” [name] didn’t bother explaining that he didn’t even say anything, only nodded his head, “he’s always talking about a boy, is it you? or no?”

innocent yuji who knew much more than he let on, [name] almost laughed at the revelation.

“aniki thinks i don’t understnad, but since i’m a big boy i’m smart, so i do,” yuji says, a proud grin on his face as he not so subtly complimented himself.

“well, how about this-” yuji loudly shushed [name] again, making the man lower his tone, “sorry. why don’t we ask him when he gets back?”

“hmm, okay,” yuji whispers, looking side to side as if the two were conspiring a big secret plan, “i’ll do the talking,”

“yes, sir,” [name] grinned, saluting yuji, who nodded his head in satisfaction.

“aniki, is [name] your boyfriend?”

the way yuji asked the question made [name] cover his mouth to hold back his laughter, almost keeling over the couch when he saw the look on choso’s face.

“uhm…” choso’s deep voice sounded awkward and uncomfortable, not expecting his little brother to be so aware of something like that. he doubts that his boyfriend would mention it, only because he knows how much he respected his want to tell his own little brother. so to imagine yuji got the idea of what a boyfriend was on his own made choso flustered.

“it’s an easy question,” yuji sighs, looking tired of choso’s hesitance. the kid was not patient by any means and [name] could respect his bluntness.

choso goes to sit next to yuji, making the little kid sit in between the two.

“he is my boyfriend, yuji, and i like him a lot,” choso says slowly, reaching over and grabbing [name]’s hand and offering him a sweet smile. yuji seems unpleased, though, with the way he was now pouting. his chubby arms were crossed over the other.

and he looked like he was very seriously thinking about something.

“but aren’t you supposed to love him?”

now choso was resisting the urge to facepalm and hide his blushing red face. [name] blinked slowly, glancing between choso and yuji with a semi-nervous look on his face. yuji was curiously looking at his older brother, not at all reading the signs that the couple in front of him were very nervous.

“do you not love him, aniki?”

choso sputtered, immediately shouting, “i do love him! i do, yuji,” he tells his brother, then panickily looking at [name]. “i love him a lot…”

yuji clapped, squishing choso’s cheeks together with the pudgy hands and grinning ear to ear, “aniki is in love! he’s gonna get cooties!” he screeches, but there is nothing but excitement and happiness in his voice. choso’s face, that was still squished in between his younger brother’s hands, was burning deep, deep red.

finally deciding to save his boyfriend, [name] picked yuji up by his underarms and placed him on his lap. he scooted into the now empty seat next to choso and covered yuji’s eyes with his hand (almost covering the entire child’s face…).

“i love you, too,” choso flinched at the confession, turning stiff when he felt a pair of lips on top of his own.

yuji began screeching, apparently wanting to see what was behind [name]’s hand and kicking his feet in the air. [name] smiled into the kiss, making choso break out of his stupor and finally kiss back.

“i love you too, choso,” [name] whispered, pecking him on the cheek before pulling away and uncovering his hand from yuji’s face.

choso was unable to converse normally for a couple of minutes, just hiding his face in his hand while the other one was limply holding onto [name]’s under the covers of the blanket.

[name] got them all comfortable for a movie to watch, settling in the middle with yuji cuddling into his side and choso hugging his other.

as yuji began dozing off, feeling tired from doing oh-so much in the day, choso finally turned his body to [name] and sincerely spoke, “i love you so much, thank you for being the best boyfriend ever,”

[name] bit back a grin, pinching choso’s cheek, “oh shut up, i love you more, babe. can’t believe it took your little brother annoying it out of you to finally say it,” he teased, finding the new blush that spread on his face to be adorable.

“i wanted to say it ever since we started dating but didn’t want to scare you,” choso said under his breath, not loud enough for [name] to hear. the h/c haired man turned to him with a pout, tilting his head at what he didn’t hear. but choso just smiled and shook his head, caressing the base of his neck and softly squeezing, “nothing.”

shrugging it off, [name] just snuggled back onto choso’s chest as he continued rubbing up and down yuji’s back.

BONUS : TEEN YUJI INTERACTING WITH CHOSO AND [NAME]

“choso!”

“how dare you call me that?! i am your older brother!”

“cho-so!” yuji emphasized the syllable, putting his hands in the air and waving them around in an exaggerated manner.

“why are you acting like this?!” choso cried out, absolutely infuriated with his little brother’s antics.

“you said i could hang out with [name] after school — guess what, it’s after school! and now what, you suddenly have a date with him?!”

“he’s my boyfriend!?”

“okay, he’s my friend!”

”you didn’t even know him until i started dating him, don’t be a brat, yuji itadori!”

“and now i’m the brat?! what do you think [name] is gonna say when i tell him this?!”

“why are you snitching on me to him?! can’t you be a mature person for once?!”

“you’re the one that’s ignoring me and [name]’s plans! i told you like yesterday!”

“oh my god, i don’t want to hear this right now,” choso said, hans on his hips as he began walking to the front door, “hang out with him another time, yuji, seriously.”

“no way!—”

“why are you guys yelling so loud i can hear you from outside?!”

the door slammed open and choso and yuji stilled in their brawl. yuji was choking out choso from the back while the older brother was desperately trying to smack yuji’s face.

“he’s not letting me hang out with you!”

“he wants to cancel our date!”

[name] blinked, wondering what the hell he just walked into and wondering if he could just walk out and pretend as if he never saw this.

“okay, well…”

“take my side!” the two shouted in unison, making [name] flinch at the sudden yell and rub his forehead in stress.

he began wondering exactly what family did he get himself into.

[harmoonix]

Intense Astro Observations

~ Your comfort room ~

~ It's never easy to walk away ~

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Pluto - Moon aspects can feel the pain in different ways based on the way they experience the pain, if is anger they can act feel a lot of pain, if is sadness they can have a depressive mood etc..

Sun - Moon harsh aspects could've experienced in a war between their parents, it was always something happening and always ended up hurt, these things make them stronger but with the heart on thorns

Mars - Moon aspects are getting annoyed very fast and aswell they do get angry fast, their emotions can be very powerful and tend to have a hot temper (some natives with this aspect can experience anger issues)

Chiron in the 1st house or aspecting ascendant can make the native to experience different types of healing during their life time, emotional, physical and mental, you need to learn how to heal them when you feel them

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Cause I knew that that was

The last time i see you

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Mars - Chiron aspects are another indicator of someone who can experience anger issues or someone who can get violent fast, sometimes they don't understand how they react like this because of their feelings

Chiron - Neptune aspects can actually suffer of having nightmares or insomnia, especially if Neptune or Chiron are in the 6th or 12th house, the native can often have vivid dreams and experience nightmares and tend to stay late in the night

Juno in the 12th house or aspecting Neptune can often get signs in their dreams about their lovers, sometimes these can come as daydreaming for some natives

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Sometimes I wake up by the door

That heart you caught must be waiting for you

Even now, when we're already over

I can't help myself from looking for you

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Venus, Mercury, Saturn or Moon in the 11th house are the people who have loyal friendships/friends, for Saturn in this house the friends can appear in your life later or after you learn a lessons about friendships

8th house placements can experience grief or loss of someone in very sad and harsh ways, they can be broken mentally and emotionally disconnected from everything, in these situations their souls and hearts have a healing episode trying to heal

Pluto - Asc aspects and Lilith - ascendant aspects can often get blamed or accused for things they never did, and experience this "They started first, they did it first" kind of thing, people blaming you and you did nothing, makes you feel bad and hurt, your mentally strong babes 🙏🏼❤️

Is very hard to make someone to feel loved when they were hurt and couldn't feel nothing for a lot of times, that's what Pluto - Sun and Pluto - Saturn aspects can experience

Venus - Moon/Venus Pluto aspects are having this "I don't want anyone else just you", these natives love so much and can feel so much love towards their partners while Venus and Saturn aspects have this "You're the one for me" energy, because it can be very fated for them to met

Moon - Saturn aspects have indeed a very sensbile soul, they experience anxiety, panic attacks and a lot of phobias from very young ages and carry this "Fighter/Warrior" title on their head, they can get hurt easily and when karma comes back for those who hurt them it's unforgivable

South Node harsly aspecting Saturn/Moon can often have this "I always wanted to feel loved but my heart is empty" this aspect usually means problems with their family and the native was not loved properly

"I love but you i can't let you go" is someone with Lilith - Moon aspects can experience, they get attached very fast and become posesive of the person they attached to

"Learn what love means and then fight trying to make it work" is what Saturn - Venus/Saturn in the 7th, 8th and 5th houses and Saturn - Moon/Sun aspects can experience

"Love can be unpredictable, and it can hit when you don't expect it at all but it comes with a price" is what Uranus - Venus/Venus - Pluto and Venus - Mars aspects can experience

Neptune - Ascendant aspects and Neptune - Sun aspects can often experience flashbacks from their past and it can happen very often, talking with someone about a thing and then your mind goes back to something you experienced in the past

Chiron - Moon aspects can actually have a very hard time to get over bad feelings or bad moments that happen in their life, and it can happen for them to be very hard on themselves

Chiron in the 12th house could have a wound that implies their spiritual beliefs or their subconscious can be hurt, let's say that they could've had a very hard past life and some memories from that certain past life would come in dreams in this life (Chiron in the 12th house is such an interesting thing to have in a birth chart and can represent so many things I would need a whole post to talk about this placement i love it)

Chiron - Asteroid Nessus 7066 aspects can indicate having a hard time to heal from abuse/trauma/bad things happening in your life but aswell as having an "re-birth" after something traumatic can happen on your life

Vesta (4) in harsh aspects with Venus/Moon are the meaning of "No matter how kind you are, you can still get hurt". They usually are very kind people but it can happen for them to be so hurt

Juno (3) in harsh aspects with Ceres (1) shows that you need some amount of nurturing and love in relationships and the same can happen for your spouse they can be the type of people who got hurt pretty often and need this nurturing,love, support etc..I feel like people with these aspects love harder/different and can happen to need a lot of physical touch/love

🥀 Hello dear people 🤩, How have you beeeen? Sorry for not being so active it seems that some countries get holiday way faster than others 😭 anyway it is so warm outside it literally kills me because i don't really like this much warm (I prefer cold seasons more😭). I hope everyone stays safe because the climate change is no joke at all, please make sure to drink enough water or something cold to keep your body in a good state with such a warm climate 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

🌩️ About my post this is an interesting topic for me because usually there are good sides of astrology but of course there are gonna be some darker sides aswell 🌩️ If you have placements from this post that doesn't mean you are having bad placements it just means your placements can be more intense than others which is perfectly fine 🫶🏼🌩️

🩵 Much love and good energy for everyone reading my post, have an wonderful day angels🩵

[thalia-writes]

Distractions NSFW

Captain John Price X Reader

Summary: You are being reprimanded for being distracted lately, little does John know, he's the distraction.

Word count: 3.2K

18+ only

Minors do not interact!

Warnings: Smut, P!inV!, female reader, praise kink, dom!Price, oral fem receiving, creampie if you squint.

Authors note: This is my second work ever so please any and all constructive criticism/feedback is very much appreciated!

One foot in front of the other, you keep pace with the people around you. You were training with the other recruits, running through an obstacle course. The afternoon sun warms your back, sweat gathering on your forehead. Keeping your breathing as even as possible, you focus on staying centered and pushing through the pain. You were in the zone, absolutely crushing the course. Leaping up onto the wall, you pull yourself over the edge and jump off, landing on your feet and immediately running again. Suddenly pulled out of your focus when you hear Price shouting out to the recruits behind you.

“C’mon keep it moving!! You’ll need to be faster than that to survive out in the field!”

Your gaze locks on him, the pure male dominance radiating off of him. Everything about him screams power and my god does it stir something within you. Your mind starts wandering as you take in his figure, inappropriate thoughts invading your mind. Price turns his head and locks eyes with you, at the exact moment you stumble and crash to the ground, scratching up your palms and knees.

“L/N!! My office in 2 hours at 16:00, understand?” Price yells out at you with a frown. You nod as you stand up, dusting yourself off.

“Good, now go get yourself cleaned up, you’re done for the day.”

“Yes, sir.” You reply, walking back to base, cheeks burning with embarrassment.

~2 hours later~

You’re walking to Price’s office, anxiety stirring in your gut. The closer you get to his office, the harder it is to keep putting one foot in front of the other. You nervously chew on your lip as you stop in front of the door. Taking a deep breath to try and calm your nerves, you gently knock. You hear a gruff ‘come in’ from the other side so you turn the doorknob and step inside, closing the door behind you.

“Evening, Y/N. Please, take a seat.” Price gestures to the chairs in front of his desk. You walk over and sit down, your knees threatening to buckle underneath you. Looking over at John as he finishes up some paperwork, you watch his hands as they guide the pen in his grasp. Soon your thoughts have spiraled into wondering how they would feel guiding your body, touching, caressing, teasing, and trailing across your skin. You’re ripped out of your little daydream when John waves his hand in front of your face. Snapping your eyes up to his, you’re met with a frown and concern flashing across his features.

“This is what I’m talking about! Were you even listening?” John scolds, leaning forward in his chair. Averting your gaze, you ramble out an apology.

“I apologize Sir, I wasn’t paying attention. I got, uh, lost in my thoughts for a moment”

John sighs and rubs a hand down his face before looking at you again, folding his hands together on the desk.

“You seem to be doing a lot of that as of late. What has gotten into you? Like today, one minute you’re running through the obstacle course like an old pro, and the next you’re tripping over air and getting a face full of dirt.” John states, shaking his head before continuing. “This has been going on for a while, and it’s gotten to the point where we need to have a conversation about where your head's at. What has got you so distracted?”

Your heart drops into your stomach. How the hell am I supposed to tell him that he is why I’m so god damn distracted? You think to yourself. You move your head to the side, looking at the wall, cheeks burning with embarrassment.

“I- uh, It’s nothing Sir, just some personal things. I’ll get it under control.”

His intense gaze bores into you, making you shift in your chair. You don’t realize he’s moved until he’s standing right in front of you. His hand grasps your chin, turning your head towards him. You look up at him with wide eyes, catching his piercing blue eyes staring down at you. He leans forward, towering over you, so close that you can smell his intoxicating cologne.

“Something tells me that you’re not quite telling the truth, eh Love?” John scolds, his head tilting to the side as he observes your face. Lips twisting into a smirk as he continues,

“Is it a man? Is a man making you all flustered that you can’t think straight?” Your eyes widen in shock, tearing your gaze away from his, fearing that he’ll be able to see the truth in your eyes. He jerks your chin slightly.

“Tsk tsk, Y/N. Eyes on me.” He scolds. Your eyes immediately find his again, sparks shooting up your spine. Something flashes across his face, and he leans in closer, his lips inches away from yours.

“That’s a good girl, so obedient.” He muses, the smile on his face nothing short of predatory. A shaky breath escapes your lips, a flame igniting in your stomach. You can feel his breath fan across your face, his cologne completely invading your senses. When you say nothing he smirks and continues.

“So who is he? Hmm? Who is the man that’s occupying that pretty mind of yours?” He coos, leaning closer, his hand falling away from your chin. His lips so close to yours you could feel his beard tickling your skin. All you could think of was how good they would feel. You glance down at his lips before locking eyes with him once again. You’re frozen in place, brain short circuiting from the situation.

“Tell me, tell me who’s distracting you, Love.” John says softly, his nose bumping against yours slightly. His pupils dilated and chest rising and falling with his heavy breathing.

“You.” You whisper and the second the words leave your mouth, his lips are pressed against yours. They dance together slowly, John's hand cupping the base of your neck to pull you closer. You melt into the kiss, gasping when he gently bites your lip. He takes advantage of this and slides his tongue into your mouth, exploring and tasting you, as he deepens the kiss. You tangle your hands into his hair, softly moaning. Suddenly you’re off the chair as he picks you up, your legs wrapping around his waist and his hands grabbing your ass. He walks you to the desk, clearing a spot off with his arm, before setting you down on top of it. John pulls away slightly, leaving your mind reeling and your chest heaving.

“Such a pretty little thing.��� He coos, before bringing his lips to yours once again. His right hand grips your waist tightly. The other trailing up your side before grasping a handful of your hair and pulling your head to the side, his lips kissing, and nipping at your neck. Heat pools in your abdomen. You’re becoming more and more aroused with every second that passes, hardly able to restrain yourself from ripping his clothes off.

“Captain…” You moan, tilting your neck even further to give him better access. His lips stop their motions on your neck, releasing his grip on your hair, he raises his head to look at you.

“I’m not your captain here Darling. I’m John. Not Bravo SIx, not Captain, just John. Alright?.” He says sternly, staring at you with an intensity you’ve never seen before.

“Okay Cap- John. Okay John.” You say, nodding your head. Desperate to feel his lips on you once again. You squirm on the desk, silently begging him to continue to touch you, your wetness seeping into your underwear.

“Fuck, my name sounds so good coming from that pretty mouth, Love.” John groans, stepping closer to you.

Dipping his head down he captures your lips with his, moving against yours languidly, pulling every coherent thought out of your head. Your hands trail to his waist and you tug at the hem. Taking the hint, he slides off his shirt and you unabashedly stare at his muscular torso. Your hand reaches up and touches his pec before tracing down across his abs, following that sinful trail of hair. Before you can continue with your exploratory touches, John grabs the bottom of your shirt and pulls it over your head. Reaching behind yourself, you unclasp your bra and let it fall to the floor, exposing your bare breasts to him. He lets out a low groan at the sight, his rough and calloused hands immediately cupping and kneading the soft flesh.

“Fuuck darling, such gorgeous tits.” John rasps, and dips his head down to start kissing your breasts before wrapping his lips around one of your nipples and his hand playing with the other. You throw your head back as you let out a soft moan and slightly arch your back. His cock stiffening and straining against his jeans at your sounds. He licks, and nips your breasts for a while before pulling back, his hand cupping your cheek as he looks into your eyes.

“I’ve wanted you for so long, Love. I want to take you to my bed and worship your body, but I can’t withhold myself from you any longer. I need to taste you, to feel your body against me, right fucking now.” John says, his voice heavy and laced with desire.

“Please, John, I want you too, so badly.” You plead. Reaching forward and hooking your fingers in his belt loops and tugging him closer to you. John's eyes glaze over as he feels your fingers tug at his belt. His hands find their way down your body, tracing your curves as a smile spreads across his face. Making quick work of your buttons he slides your pants down as you lift your hips to help him. Your skin burns with every graze of his fingers, his entire presence consuming your every thought. You feel yourself growing wet for him, your body craving every touch. John's hands trail up your thighs and caress your hips, taunting and teasing. You move your hips towards him, desperate to feel his hands on your dripping cunt. John lets out a dark chuckle at your movements, placing his fingers on your clothed core. Lightly pressing down and moving agonizingly slow.

“Ohh Darling, you’ve soaked through your underwear. Are you that desperate already?” John coos at you, putting more pressure onto your clit through the fabric. You let out a whine and shift your hips again, yearning for more friction.

“Please John… No teasing… I need more.” You breathe. Reaching forward, you palm the hard bulge in his pants eliciting a hiss from his lips. He swiftly slides your underwear off and immediately is on his knees looking up at you, his hands gripping your thighs tightly.

“Need to taste you Sweetheart, be a good girl and spread your legs. Let me taste your sweet pussy.” John demands in a low voice. Slowly you spread your legs further apart for him, his cock is hard and throbbing at the sight of your glistening pussy. He’s nearly drooling as he sees you all exposed and bare for him. Placing kisses along your thigh he works his way to your core, sticking his tongue out and licks a stripe up your wet pussy, pulling a sharp gasp from your chest. Groaning at the taste of you, he keeps his head buried in your thighs, licking and sucking at your clit. Soft moans are falling from your lips, his tongue making the flame in your stomach erupt into an inferno. John raises his head, his lips wet with you, you let out a whine from the lack of contact.

“I promise, next time, I'll make you come on my tongue until you beg me to stop. Ya taste so sweet, but I need to be buried deep inside you. Need to get you ready for my cock okay Darling? ” John says before slowly dragging two of his fingers through your folds, gathering your slick on them before gently pushing them into you. Your back arches and you gasp at the intrusion. Two of his fingers stretch you out as he pushes them in and out as he starts to kiss and suck on your neck. Soft moans erupt from your throat, completely focused on the feeling of pleasure he is giving you. Speeding up his fingers, he starts to curl them just right to hit that spongy spot inside you. A loud moan escapes you, you slap a hand over your mouth to try and keep quiet.

John can feel his cock, painfully hard, leaking against his pants. Your sweet moans mixed with the sounds of his fingers sliding in and out of your wet pussy is music to his ears. He is so desperate to feel you wrapped around him, it's almost unbearable. Moving his thumb in circles against your clit, you clench around his fingers, the knot in your stomach becoming tighter and tighter.

“Come on baby, cum for me. Be a good girl and cum all over my hand.” John murmurs against your neck, he curls his fingers once more and sends you barreling over the edge. Your body tenses up as a strangled cry rips through your throat. Waves of pleasure coursing through you. John continues to move his fingers, working you through your high before slowly removing them and bringing them to his lips, sucking them clean.

Reaching forward you undo his pants and push them and his boxers down, causing his cock to spring free. Eyes widening as you take him in, his cock is long and thick, his tip flushed and leaking pre-cum. You wrap your hand around him and slowly move up and down his hard shaft, causing a low moan to escape John. You try to move off the desk and onto your knees but he grabs your waist and places you back on the desk.

“That’s going to have to wait for another time, Love. I need to be inside of you.” John groans, stepping out of his pants and kicking them to the side. He drags the tip up and down your slit, coating it with your arousal, before slowly pushing in. You moan as you feel him fill you with his big cock. John covers your mouth with his, kissing you to try and muffle the moans that are coming from both of you. Your hands grabbing his biceps to try and ground yourself. As he fills you to the hilt, he stops, allowing you to become accustomed to the size of him.

“Fuck baby, your pussy feels so good. Squeezing me so tight.” He gasps, his hands on your hips, holding you flush against him. John was consumed by the feel of you around him, gripping his cock so tight.

“Please move John, fuck me.” You plead, moving your hips as much as you can, pulling a low groan from John.

“How could I refuse when you asked so nicely.” John coos at you. Slowly he pulls almost all the way out before sliding back in. Your eyes flutter closed as you feel every thick inch of him split you apart. Soon John picks up the pace thrusting into you faster, his grip on your hips tight and near bruising. You kiss him again fervently as his cock rails into you, brushing that sweet spot deep within. You claw at his shoulders and wrap your legs around his waist, to be as close to him as possible.

“Shit, John. That feels so fucking good, don’t stop!” You cry, completely lost in the pleasure already.

“That’s a good girl, taking my cock so fucking well Sweetheart.” John praises, his face in the crook of your neck, inhaling your sweet scent. He was absolutely obsessed with the feeling of his thick cock sliding into you, the feel of your fingernails scratching his back, and the sounds of pleasure coming from you. Abruptly he pulls out, pulls you off the desk, and turns you around. A gasp escapes you as he pushes down on your back so your hands are braced on the desk and your back is arched away from him, ass on display.

“Oh this ass, look at this fucking ass,” John says, giving it a smack, “You’re gonna be the death of me Love.” He smacks your ass once more before positioning himself at your entrance and pushing in again, causing you to moan and arch your back even more. John begins a brutal pace, thrusting into you fast and hard, with his hands gripping your hips again.. His tip kisses your cervix every time he bottoms out, making you moan louder and your eyes roll to the back of your head.

“That’s it baby, doing such a good job for me. Taking it so well, such a good little slut for me aren’t you?” John praises, leaning forward to grab a handful of your hair and pulling your head up. You’re completely cockdrunk, unable to form a coherent sentence, his praises making you clench around him. The knot in your stomach returns, tightening as your orgasm builds with every thrust.

“Oh you like that don’t you? Getting told you’re doing so well for me? You like hearing how you’re a good little whore?” John groans against your ear. You can only moan in response, which John doesn’t appreciate so he smacks your ass again.

“No no Darling, I want to hear how much you like it. Go on baby, use your words.” He coos against your ear.

“Yes!” You gasp out, “So good John, please don’t stop!”

“Oooh that’s my good girl.” He growls in your ear. He can feel his own orgasm growing, the feeling of your wet pussy clenched around him is driving him insane. John moves the hand on your hip down to your clit, rubbing small circles on it. You throw your head back as a choked moan escapes you, John’s name spilling from your lips like a prayer.

“I’m so close, John, please let me cum, please!” You cry out, the pleasure coursing through your veins becoming almost unbearable.

“Come on baby, let go, cum all over my cock.” John groans, his own orgasm nearing its peak as he continues to thrust into you at a fast pace. As soon as the words leave his lips your orgasm washes over you, your walls clamp down on his dick as he fucks you through your high. Your fluttering walls cause his orgasm to tear through him, a loud groan erupting from his throat as he finishes and stills inside you.

The only sound in the room is the labored breaths, as the both of you come back down to earth. Your knees threaten to buckle underneath you so John pulls out and cleans the two of you up before helping you slide your pants back on and setting you down on the small couch in his office. He brings you your shirt and gets dressed himself before sitting beside you.

“I gotta go back to work, Love, but I’ll come see you tonight, if that’s what you would like?” John says, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“I would like that a lot.” You say softly, getting up on shaky knees and pulling him in for a kiss. You pull away and begin to walk out of his office when he grabs your waist, presses himself against your back and places his lips on the shell of your ear.

“I’ll see you tonight then, Darling, but don’t think I forgot about disciplining you for your distracted behavior.” John whispers in your ear before smacking your ass as you walk out the door. You hurry back to your room before anyone can see you leaving John’s office with swollen lips, messy hair and an excited smile across your face.

(There will be a part two)

[heartsforhavik]

yandere mk1 men x compliant! reader

warnings: kidnapping, mentions of violence and murder, stockholm syndrome, all men are yandere and ooc, implied afab reader in johnny's, implied nsfw in bi-han's, mentions of an anxiety attack in zeffeero's, tomas is a masochist, gender neutral reader, reader doesn't care that they were kidnapped

summary: the mk1 men (johnny cage, bi han, kuai liang, zeffeero, tomas vrbada) are yandere, and they just kidnapped you. but you seem to not care...

a/n: sorry again for my late updates😭 anyways i was reading a yandere fic and i was like 'i would just give up and accept my fate if a yandere kidnapped me.' so here's some hcs based on that lil thought LMAOO

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johnny cage would be ECSTATIC when he notices how compliant you are. thank god he didn't have to force you to accept your new life, that would've been ugly. now, he can live out his fantasy of a perfect life with you! and don't worry about your needs such as food and water, he's got the money to take care of that. besides, now you're with THE johnny cage! other people would sell their soul to be in your spot. you're grateful for your new life, right? you have to now, because johnny is so excited to start a family with you very soon, whether you like it or not.

bi-han wouldn't be surprised that you submitted to him so easily. it was a wise choice to be obedient. if you didn't, bi-han would have to punish you. and we wouldn't want that, would we? obviously, bi-han's always had the power and resources to make sure you never escape in the first place, but since you're just so calm and compliant, he doesn't have to stress about that anymore. but that doesn't mean he's entirely trusting of you yet. he would still keep his guard up for the first few months of your capture, just in case you were deceiving him with your willingness. but overall, bi-han is glad that you are so compliant. he brings you outside every now and then as a reward for your obedience. who knows, maybe if you keep up your good behavior, he'll reward you even more.

kuai liang was not excited to take you in. he knew you'd probably resist him, but it's for the best! please don't kick and scream at him, he's doing this because he loves you. he's keeping you safe, there's a lot of bad people out there that could hurt you and he can protect you from them. as soon as you noticed you were in an unknown place, he braced for an argument of some sorts, until you casually addressed him and asked where you were. kuai liang explained your situation and told you that he was doing it because he loves you so much, and you'll understand someday. surprisingly, you simply nodded and shrugged, accepting your situation and deciding not to defy scorpion himself. he was relieved that you didn't have any qualms with your new life, especially after he put so much effort into mending your new living space to your liking. he worked very hard to provide you with enough of your necessities to make you never want to leave.

zeffeero is confused at how cooperative you are. he had an entire anxiety attack before he committed the act, berating himself for doing such an atrocious thing. he would've hated for you to despise him, even though he would've understood why. fortunately, his anxieties were put to rest as soon as he saw how casually you handled the situation. even though it left him wondering if you were as mentally sane as he thought you were. but that doesn't matter, because now zeffeero doesn't have to hold back on his affections. he took your compliance as a sign that you are okay with his twisted way of loving you. now, your life within those walls is a lot more suffocating than you thought it would be.

tomas vrbada had mixed feelings about the situation. if you woke up in an unknown place, surely you'd be pissed at him. so you would probably cuss him out, or even fight him physically. tomas doesn't want to hurt you, but at the same time, he would relish in your hatred for him. for some reason, tomas would get a strange high out of your assertion and he'd feel very flustered if you were ever aggressive towards him. you could yell at him for the smallest thing, and he'd just stare at you with adoration as if he was in a trance. even though he would love for you to yell and scream at him, he would ultimately prefer for you to be happy with him and your new life. tomas desperately wants to have a normal-ish relationship with you, so it would be best if you were compliant with him. thankfully, you ended up quite cooperative with tomas, and easily adjusted to your new life. it made him so happy that you accepted him, that he spoiled you with everything you could ever want. tomas is at your beck and call, and he will do anything to make you happy. except free you.

[another-random-paradise]

Hey!! I was wondering if i could request what you think some housewardens would be like with a S/O who makes a lot of references? Whether it's anime, video game, pop culture etc etc, I don't mind which ones you choose as long as Idia is there!! Thanks :D ur underrated

A man of culture

Thank you so much for the request and the kind words, it really makes my day <3 I mostly kept the references vague, because as much as i love them, i am horrible at coming up with them- Hope you enjoy!

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Reader makes a lot of references

Characters: Idia, Malleus, Cater

Format: Headcanons

Warnings: None that i can think off

Idia

-You're on a somewhat big bolder, looking down at him "It's Over, Anakin, I Have the High Ground!" He is down on one knee with a ring, Or at least he would be were he not way to socially anxious he is so in love with you it is unbelievable

-Because it would most likely mean that you not only make references, but would also understand his! He won't have to switch to normie language nor constantly explain everything!!

-I feel like he'd be a lot more comfortable around you, because he feels more 'normal' with you; he knows you won't judge him for his word choice nor his interested, because you do the same!

-Of course his social anxiety won't disappear completely, he is still anxious around you, especially because your important to him, and there might be some days were it's worse and needs time to himself, that of course won't change that he loves you and tries to be as open as he can be with you (Speaking from experience here lol)

-If you two are dating/really close, he'll let you still chill in his room, even during some of his worser days, just don't expect much conversation. 

-Don't be afraid to look over and make a joke or reference based on what he's currently watching/playing, you'll make his day! He might not reply, but you can hear him laugh :)

-On his better days, chances are the two of you are having a date in his room, watching anime or playing video games in wich he definitely won't get competitive, noooo while eating snack and you're just almost exclusively talking in references, just going back and forth-

-In fact, not just during dates, during the few times he is outside it would be the same!.. much to your friends dismay, because most of the time, they can't understand a word you say. Cater might understand one or two from pop culture or if they're popular memes but that's about it

-Ortho also understands because he can just look it up! He very much approves of the two of you, because thanks to you, his brother is outside AND smiling for more than a few seconds, that's an absolute win in his book! :)

Malleus

-He doesn't understand a word you're saying, but he loves you anyway.

-Most of the time he just lets you say your references, happy you're comfortable enough around him to be yourself, even it confuses him!

-If the reference directly impacts the conversation though, or if one just happened to catch his interest. He'll listens very intensely to your explanation, almost scarily so! Not that you would ever find him truly scary <3

-You'd probably hold back from making to many references around him, not wanting to confuse him. When he finds out, he tells you not to. He wants you to be able to be your authentic self, and if he gets to ramble about gargoyles to you, then it's only fair that you get to make as many references as you want, no? He just needs some explanation some times

-That gives you an idea! You make a slideshow about the most common/popular, as well as your favorites, to show to him!.. Turns out he doesn't know what a slideshow is, but he is intrigued!

-So now you have a date teaching him how to make slideshows and help him make one about gargoyles! Now you have a slideshow date at least once a week, where you explain refrences and he talks about slideshows :)

-He is actually really happy about it, it shows your comfortable enough to be yourself around him and your slideshows lets him understand a bit of modern media, making it just a tad bit easier to get along with his classmates!  

Cater

-He either gets all of them or none of them; it really depends on the type of references tbh

-If it's pop culture, then he would get most of it, you'd be the type of couple who flirts through references and memes

-Half of his tweets would just be stuff like "[Insert popular hot character] ain't got nothing on my s/o" and his fans have a field trip every time. He'd also sends you like a bunch of memes and "Happy spouse, Happy life" videos

-So if you do the same? He'd love you even more than he already does! He really loves all your references that he does get, they never fail to make him laugh! You two would just be out and about, till you spot a dog that can jump very high, "Oh wow, that dog can jump higher than super Mario himself." You look to your side and see cater giggling to himself, a genuine smile on his face   

-And if you compliment him through references? Suddenly, he is very flustered!

-It might take him a while to accept the compliments though; You can't tell me he isn't actually insecure behind that influencer act. But once he does, he'll be a flustered mess every time, stuttering while trying to come up with an equally flirty comeback, BUT once he gets used to it, you two will absolutely go back and forth trying to out-reference-complement each other

-If it's anime or video game references, i feel like it'd be a bit different, since he would probably not get them unless they're really mainstream- I don't see him too invested in stuff like that 

-He'll still encourage you though, because he adores the how you'll excitedly compare something to your favorite scene, or how monotonly you'll compare someones stupidity to a character that's known for their stupidity 

-He loves it all, even those that he doesn't understand :)

This was so fun to write!! also, first time writing Cater, kinda nervous

Feedback is welcome, just be nice :)

hope you have a nice day/night!!

[oikasugayama]

Hi can I request a chart on bsd boys with a super shy s/o ☺️

of courseeeee <3 i was horribly shy as a child and still am to some extent, so some of these assumptions are based on my own experience!

Though he likes your shyness, he sometimes finds it annoying

Akutagawa (likes that you keep to yourself in public so enemies tend to overlook you, but he doesn't like having conversations on your behalf because you're too shy to make a phone call), Fyodor (likes that you're quiet and keep to yourself when other people are around, but doesn't like when you get shy toward him), Jouno (likes that you don't approach people or start conversations, but hates when he has to guess what you want because you won't just say it).

He likes that you're shy and finds it very cute when you need him to help you with social things.

Nikolai (you cling to him in public; sometimes he likes to disappear and watch from afar as you panic and search for him because the look of joy and relief when you finally spot him goes straight to his heart), Ango (feels like you're safe from harm because you keep to yourself and let him run a lot of errands for you; he loves feeling needed by you), Sigma (is surrounded by bold people, so you're a breath of fresh air being fairly quiet and calm; he'd do anything for you at the drop of a hat and doesn't even realize you need the help because you're shy), Junichiro (is also fairly timid, so he likes having a quiet, introverted relationship with you; you spend a lot of time at home playing games and cuddling; he can overrule his own anxiety to do things for you), Bram (is endeared that you're quiet and shy when others are around; he hates when people consider you his trophy wife or ask if he has you under a spell; he'll get in fights with people over this), Poe is the only person you've ever met who's as shy as you are; he hides in public, he trembles when he has to ask for something; only you and Ranpo know how fun and silly he actually is, and only they know the same about you), Mori (adores your timidness and enjoys controlling you as much as you'll let him; it's not necessarily toxic but it can certainly get there...), Oda (considers you as beautiful as the cherry blossoms in the spring after a dark, cold winter; he'd do anything for you, no questions asked), Chuuya (enjoys protecting you, helping you, cheering you up; he does wish you could have a bit more confidence because he wants everyone to know how radiant you are, but he's content keeping your shine to himself).

He generally finds it cute when you get shy, but wants to help you be more confident.

Fukuzawa (understands that it can be scary to talk to people, so he never pushes you and while he happily does things for you, he also gradually coaches you into being more confident), Dazai (selfishly loves that you cling to him in public and need him to do things like order at restaurants on your behalf; he just wishes you knew how much power you have and thinks it'd be hot if you acted really confidently sometimes), Tachihara (feels so important when he gets to help you, but sometimes he wishes he had a bold, dynamic partner who would go out with him and do all the crazy things he wants to do without shying away), Atsushi (finds you very cute and is happy to do things that you're too shy to do, but he recognizes his own lack of confidence in you and wants you to blossom the way he did), Tetcho (thinks that you're sweet if not a bit naive and wants to make you happy; he also thinks you'd be happier if you didn't need to rely on him so much).

He gets annoyed when you're "overly shy" and wants you to be more confident.

Ranpo (doesn't understand why you can't just say what you want to say and do what you want to do; has no concept of anxiety and is not helpful), Kunikida (gets frustrated when your shyness messes up his scheduled plans; he wants you to be more confident for your benefit but also his), Fukuchi (tells you he doesn't want a partner he has to take care of, and tells you to get used to doing things on your own), Mushitaro (is very independent and wants a partner who is equally so; he gets annoyed when you need help or cling to him in public and constantly tries to make you more independent). (Bonus discussion on the longevity of these four relationships.)

[planetsstarsandmoons]

Synastry observations based on personal experience, part 4:

(18+!!!)

Mars/venus first house overlay: gets a bad reputation, because people feel like this overlay is ‘superficial’ due to the fact that the first house signifies what people show of their personality to the outside, aka their ‘looks’ and also their physical appearance. They forget that what you externalise in the house of the externalised ego is you, your ego. That’s you! Your ego is a very deep and important thing about you. For some people it’s a more important than for others of course. The way you dress, laugh, look and walk and look, that *is* a deep aspect about your personality. Like those things *are* personal. For some people like mars or venus dominant people it’s the ideal placement, because this is a fiery placement keeps people from being ~bored~ with who the other is, which often happens in a bad marriage. It’s why this aspect is called thee great aspect for marriage. It’s great!

Venus opposite saturn: does not pose as big of an issue if the people have either venus in 10th house or saturn in 7th house natally. There is more acceptance, understanding and ‘seeing things the other way’ that way. It can also manifest in the honeymoon stage just being enlonged and the problems showing up later.. with the ‘honeymoon stage’ in this aspect I mean that this bond feels pretty karmic and paternalistic and awesome in the beginning, in a way that feels super attractive, safe and interesting to the venus person who’s in awe of saturn, and super intense, fulfilling and a little anxiety inducing for the saturn person involved, who enjoys venus’s quirks and air for themselves so much that they become against it and will call them things like ‘childish’ as time goes on. This doesn’t happen if there’s good trust and communication in the relationship. Most often the ‘emotional pain’ that is seen as inevitable with some synastry aspects according to some people, are only inevitable for people who really don’t know how to deal with other people in relationships. You’ll be alright when you have some supporting aspects to this.

Mars-lilith: mars and lilith have a lot in common: they are independent, sexual, feisty and go after their own fleeting pleasures. Only mars isn’t a social pariah, stays on earth and lilith is so she’s up in the air like a bird. Lilith, as the outcast, is someone who wants to impress mars to prove something to herself. Mars is someone wants to dominate lilith, to prove something to himself and also to her. You can see they have a lot of natural (sexual) chemistry but they’re sh*t for the long term lol. Mars is still part of the ‘ordinary world’ and lilith is still traumatized by that world. In harsher aspects, the empathy towards each other will be non existent. The same can even go for sympathy between the two. Also, the ‘colour’ of this union will of course depend on the signs they are in.

Moon conjunct jupiter: Why does my pisces moon have immediate soulmate-like crushes on men born in 1962/63? Oh, that’s why. I’ve had it the other way around too and I’ve seen a lovely couple with this, but I feel like this definetely gets exalted in pisces. Jupiter ~loves~ the moon person. Moon person’s entire emotional/private self fuels and twinflames jupiter person’s entire inspirational and idealistic self. The moon person feels safe while still feeling inspired and adventarous with the jupiter person. Jupiter basically adores the moon, and even that gets expanded due to the expansive and almost indulgent nature of this aspect. The moon person wants to be with jupiter. They feel their emotional self inspired and exalted when they are with them and it can be for some (for me) a very rare feeling of being so comfortable and happily understood and inspired by the other. I’ve always found this one of the best relationship aspects you can have, for me at least it’s the best because with my scorpio sun pisces moon and sag rising, that optimistic jupiternan energy on my most vulnurable side is exactly what I’m looking for.

Mars conjunct chiron: the only sexual aspect that will make a man want to marry his female partner.

Sun/venus/mercury fifth house overlay: ever had that feeling of ‘ooh this person is going to be here, now this occasion is worth it/interesting/~a party~’ and you almost saw it as like a crush? Did it feel a little juvenile? That’s this one.

Mars fifth house or in that mix^: oh and you do have a crush on this person, highly likely. Are you going ‘oh my god, oh my god, it’s him/her’ when he arrives in like an almost funny and very juvinile way? That’s this one. Okay so now I’m taking a girl reading this as the norm, but for a guy that crush would happen with venus added in the fifth house. This/these overlay(s) cause butterflies and first love vibes for the house person, giggling like a teenager and thinking the planet person is soo cool and fun and attractive. The planet person releases their inhibitions around the house person and becomes leo-esque, like the party version or radio-edition of themselves.

Saturn conjunct an angle: weirdly enough, this aspect is not much talked about on the internet but I assume that is because people don’t have a lot to add to this one. I do. I believe this aspect can be extremely significant in reading a synastry chart romantically. So, to begin with I feel like this aspect, like a lot in synastry, plays out differently irl based on the genders of the people involved. What I’ve found is that saturn conjunct an angle in heterosexual relationships, where the guy is saturn and the angle person is a girl, the guy is easily bound to fall in love with the angle girl. This is because saturn imposes their mix of care, ownership, restriction responsibility, security, dedication, reality, commitment and karma on your angle which basically stands for a fundamental part slash pillar of your existence. Aka, this aspect is a patriarchal wet dream. The hero-instinct is immensly triggered here. This guy’s (who I also had a pretty large age gap with for our early twenties) saturn was tightly conjunct my IC, the most vulnerable angle, standing for my fourth house of the home and, using other astrologer’s phrasing, where ‘my soul is seated’. We were not together yet, but would unsolicited go “yeah, that’s important that you do that” and after some inquiring about anything “be careful that you don’t” blabla like it mattered to him. The vibe was very much like he could say “look, as your husband” and me reacting like “excuse me??” Same guy also had his saturn tightly conjunct my even younger friend’s ASC and it’s like he picked her to be like his little sister! even though they didn’t know each other that well. He would be very protective of her (although i think he could have done more, but that’s another story) and hype her up whenever she walked into a room, it was very cute. Conjuncting DSC I’d imagine it would play out like saturn worrying about the people DSC hangs out with and feeling a sense of dictatorship(?) over her social angle and who she’s seeking love from. Brooding protectiveness over the fact that DSC has been going out again with many guys who may not be up to good. Like I said, this aspect is the patriarchal wet dream. Conjuncting MC it would be exactly like jiwoo and sungmin from Age of Yourh. Making sure he’s right behind her in her goals at all times to protect her, almost like a cynical bodyguard, but somehow equal-ish partners that compliment each other. Back to saturn conjunct IC, the IC is the ingebakken way of managing things and the way you close your eyes for rest. Saturn conjuncting this part of you is like them barging into your house and giving you pills while you’re, like, there in your underwear. This angle aspect does create a deep kind of bond I’d guess. It’s still lunar! With the AC I think it’s the physical air and appearance that someone gives off that makes saturn think that they’re smol and need guidance. This is what I imagine a first impression would be like! Not getting into the relationship itself but like, you could guess. I’d say the ASC and MC conjunction will flourish as platonic and be doomed when it gets romantic and the DSC and IC conjunction will flourish as romantic and be doomed as platonic. In the right kind of relationship these conjunctions can be like ‘ahww’ and wholesome but in the wrong kind of relationship, these conjunctions could cause a major, and I can’t describe this any other way, ‘f*ck of!!!’ 😂

Moon trine mercury: I call this the best friend aspect because I’ve shared this aspect with every friend I could talk with for hours and enjoy it. Even if you don’t share the same kind of humor you can still laugh and communicate and basically enjoy each other’s brain ! I like this aspect in romantic relationships, too, because this aspect kills the potential awkward silence and it adds that green flag communication with e/o when official. This isn’t like the conjunction were the two bodies are so bang on alike that it becomes like a battle between the one person’s mind and the one person’s emotions. There is a harmonious distance that actually brings the people closer together and creates that intimacy. With the trine you constantly greatly appreciate what the other person adds to the table. This is communication that flows non-verbally as well, like through touches and looks.

Moon opposite mars: chrissttt, not to be vulgar but you both know you just want to.. do the deed together 💀 almost as if after 10 mins of talking you’ve already decided that in your head

Mars sextile moon/venus I feel like the energy that flows through the trine causes sexual arousal and through the sextile it causes a very wholesome emotional arousal. Great aspect no matter which gender.

Chiron conjunct sun: get ready to get your feelings hurt if you’re the chiron person! Well, the way this feels is actually: the sun person will just be hitting you where you’re vulnurable but most likely you’ll like it and feel almost soothed, even. I’ve had this both ways. It’s a great and genuine aspect to have.

[haliteatiger]

Happy Werewolf Wednesday, ya'll! We're serving up a big pot of tea tonight so get those cups ready!

Special thanks to Blackbackedjackal and King for their help in putting this together, editing, and especially to Jackal for being so supportive and encouraging. I'm very much not normally the type to do call-out posts, but people need to be aware of Dogblud, as she has hurt, not only myself, but quite a few others as well, and seems to have somehow gotten away with behaving like this for 20-odd years. I'm of the mind she shouldn't be allowed to do so any more, hence this post.

TL;DR - Beware of Dogblud, aka Ashryn, aka DogofBlud, aka ThatDogMagic. Very, very long post under the cut.

With everything happening with DogBlud and Blackbackedjackal's studio, I felt emboldened to come forward with my own experiences with her. This is something I've been carrying around since it happened roughly 2 years ago. It was one of the main reasons that put me off drawing werewolves, my own characters, or engaging any more in the fandom. I've hinted at it a few times but I've never had the energy to come forward and deal with the fall out. I wanted to move on with the rest of my life because IRL was more important than online drama. And I knew her behavior would come back to bite her sooner or later, regardless of what I did. 

It's been very validating to see that I was right.

It was around the time that Blud and I became friends that I was feeling a bit burnt out on werewolves. I'd been trying to pull together my own werewolf-related project for something close to 12 years. The past 4 years had also been pretty draining on me creatively and socially, as it had for a lot of artists with regards to the pandemic. I also had some IRL things I was dealing with: mainly with my marriage and transitioning between medications to manage my anxiety + bipolar.

Unfortunately, I didn't have the foresight to screenshot everything at the time. I do have logs from back when we roleplayed together. There are several conversations in them but because they were saved as text documents, they're pretty dubious in terms of solid evidence. 

It would have been better if I had taken screenshots as it was happening, rather than just saving the logs. With what I *do* have, however, I feel as though it may be enough to make the point that I'm trying to make, and to exhibit how horrible things got.

I'll provide some context.

I had talked with Blud on and off over the years, and we had always gotten along. We had a lot in common and after we had started talking more, our friendship eventually grew into a collaborative project. We were going to combine our stories and write a comic based on it. We had a lot of discussions on how Blud was reticent to do this in the beginning and how she wanted a contract to be made up so that in the event that something *did* happen, we could both walk away feeling like it was handled fairly.

Honestly, I should have listened to the first alarm that went off in my brain, when, in an act of ominous foreboding she said something along the lines of don't be so sure, it could happen. It was in response to me being like "we're getting along so well and share so much of a bond right now. I can't fathom that being a problem!" 

The contract never materialized. It was something we had decided to do *after* we had put together something of a prototype project to see how well we worked together. It made complete sense to me at the time as we were both eager to focus on the fun parts of writing and drawing together.

It was decided that I would be the lead artist (doing coloring and final lines) while Blud would do everything else (which was inking, layouts, and the majority of the writing). The both of us felt that she had more experience in those areas. I also believed that she had a better knack for it as well. I had felt that she had a better understanding of story structure than myself. And I thought that Blud had felt the same way about my art. That I had the experience to take point on that. 

Since I had collaborated with other artists and writers before, I attempted to approach the project with the same sort of professionalism I always do. Especially the projects that I genuinely thought stood a chance of being published in the future. We had started out trying to get a feel for each other's flows and rhythms. I had expected Blud to try and meet me in the middle of where our processes would potentially differ from one another, so that we could develop a fairly smooth workflow.

I had also expected, according to our discussions on the matter, that we would value each other's opinions on things and take them into consideration. We had such good synchronicity already.

In the beginning, there wasn't any unusual behavior that caught my attention. Blud was a bit uncomfortable with trying out new things but I did my best to accommodate her so that our project could move forward without too much turbulence. She had also mentioned to me before that she was autistic, and since my husband is also autistic, I knew how difficult it could be when it came to adapting to new routines. But when it was time for her to deliver the first set of layouts, it wasn't at all what I expected.

What I had expected was something with margins, clearly marked boxes, and figures that I could do rough lines over. I also expected notes that confirmed what we had discussed earlier about the project; that way I knew what she wanted or if there would be any changes. She took offense to this, feeling like I was violating our agreement. Though Blud did try to give me space with regards to the actual art, and while she would offer criticisms here and there, I trusted her opinion as an artist and as a friend. But apparently that didn't go both ways. In fact, Blud seemed to be offended that I expected more from her.

Blud agreed to concede. She suddenly seemed fine with the changes that I had asked for after seeing the layouts. I guess she was feeling overstimulated by the change and I might have been applying too much of a critical tone to her responses to begin with. I have had to deal with rejection sensitivity throughout my life and it's certainly prompted me to approach what people say to me online with a bit of scrutiny (sometimes too much).

And while I was mildly annoyed, although admittedly I was more concerned with Blud's overall reaction to my asking for clarification about several things in the layouts, I let it go. But it seemed like there was a problem. The majority of my ideas were either rejected or outright overridden with Blud convincing me that my faulty memory had made me unable to remember what we had agreed upon. Or that I might have been misremembering in my own favor.

There was one time where we were discussing a monster's design. Blud had already decided to settle on one design that she had come up with, even as I continued to offer other suggestions. The story was to take place in my setting, so I was under the impression that I got to decide what kind of creatures should populate it. The conversation ended somewhat ambiguously. I had assumed that we'd come to a solid conclusion later. 

I came back the next day and it turned out that we were using her design because that was what we had decided on. "Don't you remember? You really need to do something about that faulty memory of yours, Tek. I can't be doing this for you all the time."

At which point, Blud would go back and meticulously scour the conversation until she managed to find a set of lines that would make it seem as though I had 100% agreed. Even when I tried to explain that I had meant something else, she took it as an affront on her inability to understand nuances due to her autism.

I admit that my memory isn't that greatest at times, but I've never had anyone complain about it before. And none of my friends have ever minded providing reminders to me if I did misremember something incorrectly. We all forget stuff at times, right? It's *still* something that I'm self-conscious about because (like a lot of people with ADHD) my memory seems selective at times. This was, apparently, a problem that I needed to manage. 

And even as I'm remembering these incidents to the best of my ability, I've already spent so much time recounting all of this to friends. I feel confident in my recollection. There are some details that may overlap or become entwined with other things, but it all basically tells the same story. Especially in conjunction with what's been said by others. You're free to take it as hearsay since I do not have screenshots to back this up.

I will mention (since I've been told it's something that Blud has taken particular interest in) that at one point, I did have a crush on her. I was having some problems IRL, and it was nice to have someone whom I felt actually understood me. I also felt like I saw a lot of myself in her. I think that, at one point, I did describe her as the kind of "girlfriend" I would want. Blud seemed to indicate the feeling was mutual.

Between our collaborative partnership and all of the details we shared about our lives, it did feel like an intimate relationship at times. I had no intentions of pursuing it. We were not compatible in our romantic and sexual identities, and I had no intention of leaving my current partner for her.

I had begun to notice red flags, even if I wasn't ready to accept them yet.

I've had experience with abusive relationships in the past but they were in person, and not online. I knew what to look out for and yet I was being willfully ignorant about our friendship. I wanted to give Blud the benefit of the doubt. I wanted the project to work *so* badly that I was willing to work with her increasing demands as the months went by.

I had no idea that those demands would change into, quite literal, temper tantrums. It would then trigger my fawning response which was due to an abusive family situation that I had dealt with before I moved to Canada. The tactic was this: concede to someone until there was a time that they either understood reason or I had the chance to use it against them if necessary.

I started to take screenshots. I wish that I had taken a lot more of them so that everyone could get a better idea of what was happening. I did go back and manage to record the majority of the first outburst. It was the first inkling I had that Blud wasn't playing with a full deck of cards. I knew that that would be one of the first conversations that she would promptly delete. And consequently, I was right.

This assortment of screenshots will exhibit the first serious confrontation that Blud had with me. I am absolutely *not* proud of how I handled this. I was literally panicking at the time and doing whatever I could to get her to calm down. Because I have a temper that can look similar to this in person, I knew that I had to wait until the post-tantrum clarity would hit Blud. I tried my best to not lose my own temper in turn but looking back, I feel that I came off as sounding too timid.

I didn't want to ruin this project.

I wanted to make a comic with an individual that I admired and respected as a fellow artist. And, with me not knowing how to respond, my main priority was to not make things any worse than they already were.

Below is the conversation in its entirety:

I had taken this screenshot on my phone after I had stepped away to compose myself. Blud had handled the confrontation and criticism with a reasonable amount of apprehension. But what had not occurred to me was that I could have said something that would remind her of past experiences with a roleplaying group.

It was something that had evidently scarred Blud for life.

I took away the wrong things from what she had told me, choosing to focus on the aspects of the "betrayal" that had appeared to bother her the most. And in hindsight, I did not see the correlation. I was genuinely apologetic that I had hurt her feelings.

But I *will* critique Blud for her poor handling of the situation. Whether or not I had hurt her feelings, no one is entitled to act like this or claim that this is what attempting to resolve a problem should look like.

I wasn't sure on how to initially respond to Blud. It had been ages since I'd had to deal with someone flying off the handle like that.

The following screenshots are where the conversation picked up, after she had already deleted the above message:

We had weathered the "storm" and after Blud calmed down, she was ready to communicate. There was a part of me that was genuinely sincere when I apologized to her. I did mean it when I said that I had no intentions of hurting her and that I hadn't considered how my statement would sound to her.

I had hoped that this had been a stress response due to factors outside of our collaboration. And especially when I took into account how she had interacted with me in the past. I knew that Blud had a lot going on IRL, and that she had already put a considerable amount of energy into this project.

I had taken her meltdown more personally than she could perceive that I would, because this was something that was acceptable to her. She had a "condition" that would absolve her of these abhorrent meltdowns and I needed to get used to them if we were going to continue working on that project together.

I was shaking the entire time we were typing in the chat.

I was sincere in my responses. I really did want to work things out with Blud and give her the benefit of the doubt. I could have been taking the things that she said too personally or maybe I had been reading too much into the situation. Was there a chance that I could have been misreading her outburst? I tried my best to keep an open mind though I was still somewhat baffled by the fact that she would have meltdowns as often as she did.

I confided in my husband and some other friends about the situation. They were also bewildered by Blud's actions.

By this point, I was struggling with the reality that this collaboration was most likely *not* going to work out but I still wanted to try. I still cared about Blud. We would still hang out together and talk about things like music, our characters, or our stories.

While I did have the foresight to go back and screenshot this section, I wasn't fast enough to get screenshots of everything else that I will be going over. Blud *did* admit to going back and deleting certain exchanges due to a mixture of shame; not wanting to look at them when she would scroll through our conversations. 

In retrospect, it was very telling.

And even after that meltdown, I still enjoyed the friendship that I had with her. I kept my guard up but I was willing to make compromises on her behalf if it resulted in better communication between the two of us. Blud made me promise to immediately tell her if I had a problem with something. I also agreed to keep notes of our conversations.

It worked for the most part.

In the end though, it became apparent that Blud wasn't willing to do the same for me (even after we had an extended conversation about it). I then realized that I had been tasked with basically *managing* her autism for her. I was already busy with my supposedly "bad memory" at the time; and Blud was more than ready to scroll back up through our conversations to cherry-pick a line or two of text to remind me of what was said earlier.

Because, for her, circumstances couldn't ever change. If they did, it would mean that Blud had lost control of the situation and that she was in the wrong. She could *not* be in the wrong. 

And if she was in the wrong? It would take solid evidence, three witnesses, and a court of law to prove it.

She had two other major meltdowns after this. I managed to step away from communicating with her through one of them and I don't remember the other meltdown lasting very long. She immediately deleted the texts of both of those instances before I could take screenshots of them.

It seemed like I could do nothing right when it came to Blud, no matter the lengths I would go to accommodate her. I knew that it was a common tactic used by abusers. I finally accepted that our partnership wasn't going to work out and I began thinking about an exit strategy. The final straw was when she began to expect me to be at her beck and call.

I had promised that I would be there for her, within reason, and I was willing to offer reassurances whenever she would ask me for them. The promise had been made back when we had first started to talk to one another with more frequency, before Blud had shown me her true colors. I would end up completely underestimating just how badly she would need reassurance.

To be frank, I underestimated a lot about Blud in the beginning.

I would end up mentioning that I enjoyed my space in several different conversations with her. That there was a chance that I might be offline for several days so I could take care of things IRL and recharge my social batteries. I'm somewhat of a recluse. And an adult who enjoys things that aren't online.

She said that it was fine.

I became incredibly anxious when I would talk to Blud, especially after her somewhat abrupt change in personality.

I then attempted to put my foot down about boundaries and this is what she had to say:

I decided to walk away for a bit and I came back after I had had some time to think things over. This wasn't healthy for either of us. I wrote a couple of sentences to say goodbye to Blud before I blocked her. I knew that my actions would probably infuriate her. She had told me in the past that she *hated* not being able to have the final word... which she was able to do through email:

“And I'm not letting you pretend you have control over the situation, or the high ground. You distinctly have neither. But since you're determined to stick to your 'principles' on this, I've decided to make it easier for you.”

She thought that she was absolved of all sins just because I had said that I would stand by her at her worst. And at the time that I said that, I had no idea that her worst would be her trying everything possible to protect her boundaries while stomping all over mine. It didn't matter what she said or how often she would apologize when I would confront her. She kept doing it.

I admit that I wasn't perfect in this situation either.

There were times when I was condescending, critical, or downright mean when I talked to Blud because that was the way I had felt when she was talking to me. I soon realized that it didn't matter either way. I could have been using the friendliest tone imaginable and she still would have perceived it as either mocking or dismissive on my end. There were even a few times where I would preface my explanations with an advisory “please know that I am not attacking you and try to read this in an understanding tone,”etc. I would then post an explanation I had spent hours picking at to ensure that there was no way she could misinterpret the intent. Even so, she still read the majority of what I said as criticism and would take it to heart.

I never expected Blud to do something that made her uncomfortable; nor did I expect her to overextend herself when it came to our project. I would go out of my way to make sure everything was fine when we would talk about it. I only expected mutual respect in return.

When we would get into discussions (arguments), she would never attempt to understand my point of view or let me explain myself. It would have made it about me when it should have been about Blud and her needs. She sometimes would agree to come to a compromise about something, but only if I would admit that I was in the wrong.

I know that if Blud was to look at these screenshots, she'd be incredulous that I'm trying to distract from the horrible things that *I* did. And those horrible things that I did? I tried my best to work with her.

It wasn't just her poor teamwork that bothered me. It was her attitude and the lack of respect that she showed me. She would never ask me to clarify something that I said; always assuming that it was a criticism against her. I can only speculate that Blud did not want to hear about how any of this was her fault, like in the email she sent me.

I don't know if I was actually her friend at any point. Friends make efforts to understand one another. Ideally, they’d want their friendships to continue, and they would want everyone to be getting along and having fun. She seemed to actively defy that.

I would argue that things like this don't just happen in a vacuum. There's almost always a reason for such things, but it's honestly a mystery to me as to where this vitriol comes from. I don't know why Blud sees monsters in every word, especially if they come from a  "friend". 

I've seen her viscously mock herself during meltdowns; it seems like she hates herself and expects everyone else to hate her too. I think that she wants it to be the truth, so that it validates the feelings she has about herself. The behavior patterns that I'd been exposed to are consistent with the idea that Blud is seeking confirmation about the personal assumptions she has about herself. It's what makes her so volatile to those around her. Yet, she refuses to break the cycle.

I hope that she can make that choice in the future but at this point, I'm not holding my breath.

[sprinklesdonut15]

Tips For Making Unique Character Voices:

(For both narrating & dialogue)

Decide how formally they speak - this is also based on who they were raised around and what their timeline is, their race and culture, etc.

Know their overall volume of speech - maybe they speak loudly because in their past that’s the only way their voice was heard

There’s a hundred ways to say a sentence - sometimes this changes up in a person, but everyone has the way they word their sentences. Example: “what are you doing?” Can be “whatcha doing” “how goes it” “whaddya doing” “what are you up to” “what is chu doing” etc.

Self representation matters - if a person isn’t confident then they aren’t going to sound confident. But it’s not just about voicing confidence or not, there are details to every trait. If you’re character’s not confident then then they might question their choices a lot. They probably won’t judge other people except in high regards. Every personality trait has finer details

History also matters - maybe trauma makes it so your character gives extremely detailed answers to avoid confusion (anxiety). Maybe some kind of accident makes them speak less

There’s a difference in how much people speak - somewhat a follow up to the last point. But it’s not just personality that determines this but also illnesses. For instance my adhd makes me talk a lot nonstop, so much so that I might trip over words, or if I’m “narrating” then I go very out of order. People who don’t care much (depression) might only give vague or indecisive answers. Some people have long answers, some give one word answers.

People know different things - such as when your character is comparing something to their past. Even something simple, not all of your characters might know something like “this specific type of tree” but one character might because maybe it was a tree in their backyard. Characters knowledge determines their understand and ability to explain.

[alessiasfreckles]

Lonely

Lucy Bronze & reader (platonic)

after moving to barcelona, everything is hard; the language, your anxiety, the loneliness. after a particularly rough day, lucy finds you crying in the changing room and is determined to help.

A/N: based off of this ask! i tried to make it different enough to Fitting In but still along the same vein, i hope you like it ✨

----------------

The sun was shining, it was a beautiful (albeit a bit cold) day in Barcelona, you were playing for one of the best women’s football teams in the world, and everything was perfect.

Well, it should have been. You knew that. Really, there was no reason for you to be anything but happy. When friends and family back home asked you how you were getting on, you told them about the gorgeous scenery, the weather, and how much fun you were having. It wasn’t all a lie, the scenery really was incredible, and the weather was nicer than it was in England, at the very least. 

But, if you were being honest? Things were really fucking hard. 

You were trying to learn Spanish, really, you were, but languages had never been your thing. Everyone had told you before you left that “it’ll be easy, once you’re surrounded by it!”. Bullshit. You went through the day understanding single words and phrases here and there, but for the most part, it was like your brain just shut off when people started talking. 

The language issue, of course, didn’t exactly help your social situation. You’d always found it hard to make friends, even in your native language. Trying to do it in a whole other language felt like an impossible task. The team tried to be welcoming, of course, but most of the time your brain was too exhausted from trying to keep up with the language for you to socialise. The other international players helped a little and would translate things for you sometimes, but you were the newest recruit and everyone else’s Spanish was miles better than yours. You could tell that the other players were making an effort to speak Spanish, some even learning Catalan, and you didn’t want to be the stereotypical English speaking person who couldn’t be bothered to speak the language of the country they were in. So, when everyone would burst out laughing at something Aitana said, you laughed along, hoping no one would catch on to the fact that you hadn’t understood it. 

You had hoped to become friends with Lucy and Keira, thinking that it would be nice to have at least a couple other English players to talk to, but they seemed so settled in their lives here that you felt like you were intruding. Lucy spent a lot of time with the Spanish girls and seemed to talk Spanish, or at least a mix of Spanish and English, most of the time, and Keira did the same. Even when you had the opportunity to talk to them, your social anxiety would flare up, and you’d find yourself overthinking and debating what to say for so long that by the time you’d decided, the moment had passed. 

So, you kept to yourself, mostly. You spent a lot of time observing your teammates, their interactions with one another. Trying to figure out how you could interact with them, then losing the courage to do so. 

Your teammates felt bad, they could tell that you hadn’t settled in and that you were the outsider of the group, but with so much training and all of the games the team had, it was all too easy to forget about everything outside of football.

That’s how, on that beautiful day in Barcelona, after a particularly tough training session, you found yourself crying in an empty changing room. You’d waited until everyone went home, stalling and saying you wanted to run a few more laps. Once the changing room was empty, you collapsed on a bench, staring into space, not even aware of the tears beginning to stream down your face. You were so tired of having to try so hard all the time, and if you were honest, you were really lonely. 

The door to the changing room bangs open, making you jump, and you look up to see Lucy standing there carrying a box of towels. The look of surprise on her face quickly changes to one of concern when she realises you’re crying, as you quickly try to wipe away your tears, white-hot embarrassment flooding your body.

“Woah, y/n, are you okay? What’s wrong, do you need me to get someone?” Lucy asks, putting the box on the bench closest to her. She stays by the door, looking like she’s not sure whether to come closer and comfort you or to leave to get help.

“Um, no, it’s okay, I’m okay,” you say, sniffing a little and laughing awkwardly. “I’m fine, seriously. Don’t worry about it.”

The brunette raises an eyebrow as she comes closer and lets the door swing shut. “Yeah, right, pull the other one. Clearly something’s not okay, or else you wouldn’t be sat here, crying, alone.”

“Yeah, I guess you got me there,” you smile weakly. “But really, it’s okay. It’s nothing.”

“If it’s upsetting you, it’s not nothing,” she says firmly, sitting down next to you. “What’s going on?”

You shrug, not wanting to burden her with your problems and not sure where to start. “It’s just a lot, sometimes, y’know?”

She nods sympathetically. “The language?”

“Yeah,” you sigh. “I’m trying, I really am, but it’s just so hard, and I don’t know, maybe I’m not trying hard enough, but I am trying, really-”

“Hey,” she interrupts you, placing a hand on your back. “It’s okay. It is hard. Everyone can see that you’re trying.”

“Really?” you say, doubt clouding your mind. “Because I feel like I understand way less than everyone thinks I do. Most of the time I’m just copying other people’s reactions, or nodding along.”

She laughs. “Yeah, I did that at first, too. It gets easier after a while, I promise.”

“I’m not sure it will. I don’t-”, you start, breaking off as you struggle to figure out what you wanted to say. “I don’t know how to do a lot of social stuff. Talking to people. I can’t even handle it in English most of the time, to be honest. I feel like even without the language problem, there’s the me problem.”

She lets out a laugh at that, but it’s not a mean one. “What do you mean, a you problem?”

“The me problem,” you explain. “I feel like I’m like, an alien or something. I don’t know how to behave, how to be a real human like the rest of you.” 

At that, she puts a hand on your shoulder, turning you to be facing her. “Y/n,” she says, a serious look on her face. “You’re a real human.”

“No, I know that I’m a real human,” you roll your eyes, letting out a small giggle. Lucy smiles, glad to have made you laugh. “I just don’t feel like it sometimes. I don’t know how to interact with people. Like, what do people talk about? What do people do when they’re hanging out? It was fine with my friends back home, because we’ve known each other forever, they know what I’m like and I know what they’re like. But here, it’s all so… different.”

Lucy stands, holding out a hand to you. When you take it she pulls you up, a determined look on her face. “Right, well, it sounds like we have to get you feeling more comfortable here. So, you’re going to come back to my place, we’re going to play something on the Playstation or watch something on TV, and tonight a couple of the girls are coming over. But only a couple, and I’ll tell them that we’re having an English night, no speaking Spanish allowed, alright?”

“Oh, no, it’s okay, I don’t want to be a bother-” you start, but she quickly cuts you off.

“Nonsense!” she says, swinging an arm around your shoulder. “We look out for each other on this team. You’re a part of the team, y/n. So we’ll look out for you too. Got it?”

You nod, feeling nervous but excited, even hopeful. 

And she was right. It ended up being one of the best evenings you’d had in a long time, and it wasn’t long before you started to feel like you really were not just a part of the team, but a part of the family. “English” nights even became a regular thing, the Spanish and other international players eager for a chance to practise their English even more (not that they had to, it seemed like they were all basically fluent). Lucy and Keira tried to help you with the language, giving you their tips. Honestly? Their tips weren’t much help, and it was still pretty hard. But as difficult as it was, you had to admit that, slowly but surely, it was all getting easier, especially with friends by your side.

[jmdbjk]

. . .

Just like Jimin rubbing his own head and being shook instantly, we will have many instances where we will be reminded of them... see a photo or a video, hear their voices or a song and instantly be shook that we won't be seeing Jimin and Jungkook much in the next 18 months.

Not gonna lie, it is rough for me to watch Jimin’s live. The level of vulnerability is just too much for me to handle. His uncertainty, his dismay, his level of discomfort and self-consciousness... humiliation(?) over the loss of his beautiful hair, I can't watch it yet. His own disbelief at looking at his own shaved head...

He is facing something unknown and unfamiliar. He's learned a lot over the past year diving into the appearances he had to do alone for his ambassadorships for Dior and Tiffany. I say "alone" but he wasn't alone, he had his manager and staff by his side.

He won't have them when he enters the military base.

I already said in a previous post that Jimin is disappointed that he must, once again, stop doing what he loves and do this instead. He’s just hitting his stride and he has a lot he wants to accomplish. All that, in addition to his habit of self-criticism and his anxiety issues, it is HUGE that he will have someone there who knows this about him and can help him redirect and calm down. He will beat himself up, put himself down and not allow himself to give himself credit for doing as well as he thinks he should. Jungkook will remind him that he's amazing and help him overcome all that noise in his head.

And keep in mind that Jungkook is a level of introvert that requires some amount of "alone time". This "alone time" is when this type of introvert “recharges” or “decompresses” in order to settle or center one’s self. We all see how different he is during group lives versus when he is alone. His introvert thrives by himself. The situation of being with strangers for such long periods is CHALLENGING! Without his fidget spinner lip rings, and again, staff and manager beside him facing something new by himself, he'll be ADHDing all over the place. Knowing that Jungkook has someone he is comfortable with, who understands this about him, is HUGE. He has a habit of tuning out, zoning out and withdrawing and Jimin can help him stay put in the moment.

Besides genuinely missing performing and his fans, it is no wonder that his frame of mind during his last live with us was downhearted.

This is not a situation where one needs the other more... it is a situation where they will both mutually benefit from having the other present.

These guys are not like us. These two have lived the past ten years in a world that is NOTHING like ours. They've grown up and matured living a life that we can't possibly know and understand. Jungkook has several $1000 bottles of whiskey chilling in his refrigerator that he mixes with Cloop soda water and drinks like its kool-aid through a straw. THEY ARE NOT LIKE US.

They've succeeded beyond all expectations, even their own, and had to deal with all the extreme ups and downs of all of that... and now they must put everything they know aside to step into a completely different world with the eyes of the world focused on them. The pressure to not fuck up has to be enormous. Everything they do is amplified. Its not fair, really.

Physically, they will have advantages over their younger fellow soldiers in that strenuous work is not unfamiliar to them, they are accustomed to pushing themselves and they know what it takes to master something that requires a lot of physicality. They are strong and athletic.

And now, emotionally and mentally, they will be fine because they will have each other.

I will miss all of them and be so very excited to count down the days to Jin's discharge... but I will be the most bereft waiting for Jimin and Jungkook.

[marasvenus]

Your Next Step In School/Career ┊ ༑ ࿐ྂ。

Disclaimer: This reading is for entertainment purposes only. Tarot readings are about possibilities based on your current energy. Energy is forever changing and nothing is set in stone. Always remember, you have your own free will to make whatever decision you feel is best.

Pictures above are edited by me but are not mine :)

Pile 1┊ ༑ ࿐ྂ。

Okay, Pile One, I think we have a bit to unpack here 😭 so for some of you, you might have just finished up with a degree, possibly a degree that’s taken a very long time to obtain. I think it could be some veterinary degree of sorts? That could only be for a few of you so take what resonates.

It’s gonna sort to get oddly specific here so pls bear with me 😭 you might be going back to your home town or maybe just somewhere you haven’t lived for a very long time. For some of you, you may have moved away from home to go to college and then moved away from that college to continue your education elsewhere and now you’re doing back to where this town that you went to this college is. (I hope that makes sense and again, it’s oddly specific so pls take what resonates and leave the rest!)

You may just be struggling to find work now that you’ve graduated and it could simply be that there’s not many jobs available where you currently live. For some of you, you might be applying to jobs where you’re moving to and not hearing anything back and it may be really stressing you out and causing you to rethink this decision.

I think you’re making the right decision and moving away is what’s best for you. A big part of the next step in your career is making connections within your field. Possibly on LinkedIn or by going out and meeting new people. I think putting yourself out there and meeting new people will be what gets you a job or maybe applying gets you the job but something about communication and making connections/building relationships gets you where you want to be. This whole energy is giving me hallmark movie vibes for some reason but it’s really nice.

The stress and anxiety you’re currently feeling is understandable and it’s okay to feel that. You may also be dealing with grief/loss. Know that it’s okay to feel these things and allow yourself to feel them. You may he pushing away emotions because you’re afraid to let yourself feel them and it’s doing more harm then good. There’s this feminine energy that may be a spirit guide or passed loved one for some of you that wants you to know you’re doing better than you realize and you’re going to be okay. Just breathe. I heard “it all works itself out with time”

This is another specific message that you should only take if it resonates but some of you may have savings that you may need to dip into a little and you may be worried about it. You don’t have to clear out your savings and it’s important to still be careful with your money but it’s okay if you need to use it for moving expenses or anything expenses you have when you arrive to your new home. This also might just be a heads up from your guides that you will be using some of these savings on unexpected moving expenses/expenses in your new place. Again, only take it if it resonates.

This reading is much longer than I intended and a little all over the place so I’ll leave it here but just know that everything is gonna be alright, Pile One.

Pile 2┊ ༑ ࿐ྂ。

Hello, Pile 2! So this energy is very different from Pile One. I think you all are just starting a new journey in school/career and are very excited but maybe nervous. Your nerves may be more about fitting in/making friends in this new setting. For those of you in college/university or entering college/university, definitely join clubs/groups. Specifically a study group. I think you’ll meet a lot of people and this will not only help with building friendships and meeting new people, but also with your studies/work and staying on track.

Coffee shops or some sort of small diners or something seem significant. Maybe like a Main Street restaurant or something? You could meet people here. Some of you may be coming out of a rough situation or maybe a breakup so this new start is a change to fully embrace and find yourself. Finding strength in alone time and independence while also creating beautiful connections and friendships and nurturing/maintaining those connections. Maybe this pervious situation/relationship was isolating and kept you away from people so this is really your chance to branch out and meet others and focus on yourself. You’ll meet people that encourage you to love yourself and build yourself up and it will be a really nice change of pace.

Some of you may start a new job? Possible a part time job while you’re in school. This may be where this cafe/Main Street restaurant or something comes in. It may be where you end up working. Some of you may have already seen job listings for a job like this but haven’t applied or are thinking about applying and I definitely think you should do it!

There’s just this energy here of a lot of new connections but there’s a specific one that seems very significant. I think you may be meeting your best friend in this next chapter of your life (specifically at this new job if that resonates) this isn’t giving romantic energy but it feels like a platonic soulmate. This is someone that will become like a sibling to you, like your favorite person and your other half. This is a very beautiful connection that you’re about to find, Pile Two 🥹

Overall, this is a very beautiful chapter for you and it’s important that you embrace it fully. The only thing I will say is that you may be very sure about your studies and think you’ll handle them very well (which is a great mindset to have and I want you to hold onto that mindset!) but they may become overwhelming and you could fall behind if you’re not careful. The study group I mentioned earlier will be very important and helpful in staying on top of things. You may push work aside to spend time with friends but just make sure to keep a good and equal balance between work and personal time.

Pile 3┊ ༑ ࿐ྂ。

Now this may not resonate for all of you… but are some of you messing around with your boss 👀 again.. take it if it resonates but there definitely seems to be something with a boss. For some of you, maybe you’re boss is just attracted to you or you’re attracted to your boss, maybe there’s rumors/gossip going around in the workplace about the two of you or something. I think you’ve been offered a promotion or you are about to be offered a promotion but maybe you don’t feel like you’ve earned it because of this situation or maybe others have said you haven’t earned it because of this situation. If this is the case, I wanna tell you know that you 100% deserve anything and everything good and amazing and beautiful coming your way and you better not let anyone tell you otherwise.

Your energy is so powerful and magnetic and it’s clear that you have an incredibly strong work ethic. Maybe you work in a field that’s dominated by the opposite gender or maybe you’re young compared to others in your field? It could also be that you took a different route to getting into your field but there’s something that sets you apart from others you work with. Anyone around you that has something to say or that doubts your excellence and work ethic is simply jealous. Everything you have is yours because your earned it. I wish I could put this energy into words because it’s so incredibly powerful and you deserve to feel every ounce of it. You hold so much more power than you realize or give yourself credit for.

Your energy would be so good to have going into a job interview 😭 you have a very go getter vibe about you but you’re also very blunt and you tell it how it is and some people may not be able to take that (and that’s on them. Don’t ever change) some people may fear you getting this promotion because they know it means they can’t slack off or get away with as much because you’ll be on top of things. I heard “you run a right ship” you’ll make sure things are done correctly and on time and that every member of your team is playing apart in keeping this running properly and smoothly. Higher ups in your company or like CEOs or something may take notice because you keep things running so smoothly and there’s a significant change and improvement within the company.

Whatever this situation is with a boss (again, take it as it applies and only if it resonates) may sort of fall apart after your promotion. I think it could have to do with you doing so much better than them and being favored over them by higher ups in your company/corporation. I think this thing ending would be a good thing cause I don’t like this boss’ energy AT ALL. It just doesn’t match yours like it should and quite honestly, your energy is way too good to be involved in this person’s energy. This person just feels very icky and immature and you deserve much better.

Overall, know that good things come to you because you work for them and you deserve them. You attracted amazing things because you are an amazing person and it’s not your problem if someone else can’t handle that. You are magnetic, powerful, and worthy of every amazing thing coming your way. Don’t doubt yourself and continue to further your career. You have an amazing work ethic and a very strong and powerful voice and those two things will take you so so far in life. If no one else has told you recently, I’m proud of you and you got this.

Lastly, I just wanted to add that those people that have something to say or dislike you rn are going to come around and love you after they get to know you more. It’s going to take time for them to realize that their dislike for you comes from their own insecurities but once they do, they will see you for the beautiful human being that you are. Don’t change anything about yourself, let them realize they’ve been wrong this whole time.

[oliversrarebooks]

corporate retreat 3/4

Previous > Masterlist > Next

tw: brainwashing, drugging, dehumanization, hypnosis, amnesia

"Quinn? Can you open your eyes for me, please?"

Somehow, they managed to get their eyes cracked slightly open. The lights in the room had mercifully been dimmed, and everything seemed fuzzy and indistinct.

"Good. Follow the penlight with your eyes, please."

Quinn did their best, but it all seemed like a big confusing blur.

"Reactions very slow but perceptible. Subject just barely able to respond to stimuli. Twilight sleep state achieved. Based on the results of the tests and their psychological makeup… recommend… and fifty milliliters… around two hours…"

Quinn felt the mask being taken off their face, and the cool rush of fresh air untainted by sedatives was a relief. They cracked their eyes open again as their arm was grasped by one of the assistants. She wiped the inside of their elbow with a cotton swab soaked in cool liquid, and then began to insert an IV line. They were still far too out of it, their limbs much too heavy, to resist.

The IV line was attached to a big bag of light blue fluid. Quinn watched as the drug went drip-drip-drip down the tube and into their arm. The assistant used the IV port to inject a dose of what looked like the same drug.

"We'll give you a little time to adjust to the new medication," said Dr. Moon. "You can just relax."

They assumed they were going to be put back to sleep, but instead they just lay there, staring at the slow drip of blue liquid, in a kind of tranquilized daze. Whatever this new drug was, it wasn't bad. They couldn't remember the last time they had felt so peaceful. Actually, they were feeling pretty good. The all-consuming sleepiness they'd felt from the gas had melted away into a drowsy calm, and their thoughts were gradually returning.

"Quinn? Are you awake? How are you feeling?"

Quinn turned lazily to Dr. Moon. "Good. Really, really drowsy… but good," they said.

"That's excellent to hear," Dr. Moon said. "You're on the good stuff now. We gathered enough data to understand how best to adjust your mind."

"The good stuff…" Quinn's gaze traveled back to the IV line. "What is it?"

"We like to call it cleaning fluid -- but don't be alarmed. It's a nickname, because it's for washing your brain." She laughed. "We have many different components we can use to make it. It's highly customized for the individual, their needs, and our needs."

They really couldn't have been alarmed even if they tried. "What's in mine?"

"Cleaning fluid always starts with Influence Serum. That's our proprietary control medication that removes your mental defenses and inhibitions and increases suggestibility, leaving your mind delightfully pliant and malleable. Then we add Liquid Lullaby -- that's what's keeping you drowsy and docile," she explained. "Your custom mixture also has Pacifier, our anti-anxiety agent, and a little False Paradise, to induce mild euphoria. Plus a few interesting other traces."

"That seems like… a lot of drugs."

"Don't worry, it's especially formulated for you, and completely harmless," she said. "You were so anxious coming here, weren't you?"

"Yeah," they agreed without hesitation.

"And you seem so exhausted. Aren't you exhausted from all the work you do?"

"Yeah, I am."

"And I bet you're so tired of thinking, too. Solving problems. Making decisions. Your poor, tired mind needs a break from all of that."

She was right, that sounded heavenly. What had they even been so worried about? The Brainwashing Department was so nice, and Dr. Moon was so friendly and helpful. "Yeah, I guess I really did need a break." They relaxed into the comfortable chair, resting their arm with the IV on the armrest. Dr. Moon was right. These drugs really were the good stuff.

"Well, it's a good thing you've got a month long vacation, then, isn't it?" said Dr. Moon.

Quinn smiled. "I can't believe it, but I'm actually glad I came here."

"Oh, that's just so lovely to hear you say! I really do think we do great work here. We help people," she said. "And I've got another treat in store for you."

"Oh? What is it?"

"I'm going to turn on the screen and you're going to watch a fun movie for the next couple of hours. It's going to hypnotize you and help you be so obedient. Doesn't that sound nice?"

"Um…" Quinn furrowed their brows. They dimly remembered that they hadn't wanted that, but they didn't really feel like making a fuss when instead they could just relax in a blissful daze.

"Great, let's get you all situated." Dr. Moon reclined their chair a little bit more, then turned on the screen and placed it in front of Quinn's face.

The screen burst to life with a pulsating rainbow spiral, one that drew Quinn's eyes right to the center as the colors shifted and swirled. They couldn't look away. They didn't want to. Something about it was so, so… compelling… like it was the greatest and most fascinating thing Quinn had ever seen, like they could watch it forever.

"There we go. Just watch the spiral. You're too sleepy to resist, aren't you?"

"I'm… I'm not…"

"Oh yes you are. You're much too sleepy to resist."

"I'm… too sleepy to resist…" Quinn heard themself agree.

"The spiral is going to open your mind up very nicely," she said. "You're going to keep your heavy eyes open and watch the spiral, but your mind is going to go to sleep, okay? Deep, deep sleep… a deep hypnotic sleep where you can listen and absorb everything."

They could feel it. They could feel themselves falling asleep in the heart of the pulsating spiral. "I can listen…"

"So obedient, aren't you? Just like you should be. What an excellent subject."

Quinn couldn't help but smile. "…Thank you…"

"Oh, you like the praise, don't you? You're the type that wants to get a good grade in being brainwashed."

It felt like so long since they'd done anything right, really. "Yeah…"

Dr. Moon draped a warm blanket over Quinn's body. "Then be a good little test subject for me, stare in to the pretty spiral, and let yourself be hypnotized."

Quinn nodded slowly. They didn't want to do anything else. They felt a pair of headphones being slipped over their ears. Through them, they could hear soft music playing and Dr. Moon's voice coaxing them to fall asleep, to be obedient and docile, to love the experience of being brainwashed.

They were much, much too sleepy to resist. Besides, they wanted to please Dr. Moon.

They should just listen, let Dr. Moon do all the thinking for them, and fall deep into trance.

"Sleep and obey…" they heard their own voice saying. "Deeper asleep and deeper entranced… too sleepy to resist… I love being brainwashed… I must obey Dr. Moon…"

Their eyelids were getting heavier again, the entrancing spiral a colorful blur, as they repeated the mantras and fell so deep into hypnotic sleep.

They weren't sure how long they remained there, eyes half-open, staring into the spiral. Time seemed to have no meaning. It could've been five minutes and it could've been five months.

"…so happy that you were brainwashed. Three. You'll be docile and obedient. Two. You'll be relaxed and refreshed. And one. You can open your eyes and wake."

Quinn opened their eyes just as the screen turned off, yawning and rubbing the sleep from their eyes. They felt so, so utterly relaxed, like they'd just had the world's finest spa treatment. Like that was the first really good sleep they'd had in years.

They were still in their chair in the clinical room. The machines were quietly beeping, and the bag of drugs attached to the IV looked mostly empty. They were more than content to just rest for a while and see what would happen next, floating in a cloud of bliss.

It didn't take long before Dr. Moon entered. "Why, hello Quinn. Welcome back to the waking world. Did you have a good nap?"

"The best," they said. "I feel amazing."

"Oh, I'm so glad. You really needed that sleep and mental readjustment," said Dr. Moon. "Here, have some water and a nutrition bar."

Quinn eagerly took the food and water. It hadn't really been something they had thought about, but they actually were hungry.

"Did you enjoy the movie?" asked Dr. Moon.

"It was wonderful," said Quinn. "It feels so right to be hypnotized and not have to think for myself. I didn't realize how badly I needed that."

"Oh, you're such a model subject. I think you might be one of my favorites," said Dr. Moon as Quinn beamed in pride. "You're taking to the brainwashing so, so well. I agree, I really think it's exactly what you needed. And you're going to get another round with a new movie -- but first I wanted to give you a little break."

"Thank you," said Quinn through a mouthful of nutrition bar. They couldn't wait to see what the new movie would be like.

"First, though…" Dr. Moon nonchalantly pulled a capped syringe from her lab coat pocket, injecting the contents into the IV line. "We call this one Loose Lips. It's a truth serum. You're probably too hypnotized to really need it, but I want to make sure you're completely honest with me when I ask you embarrassing and invasive questions about your personal life."

Quinn nodded. "That makes sense."

"First off, how do you feel about your boss?"

They frowned, annoyance just barely managing to push through their drugged calm. "She's driving me insane with their unreasonable demands. She's constantly calling me in to work on nights and weekends because we're so short-staffed, and then she acts like it's my fault that I'm burned out. She wastes my time with boring, pointless meetings, and when there's some kind of problem, she micromanages me and keeps asking for status updates when I just need to concentrate on fixing it." The grievances poured out of their mouth easily.

"That sounds really rough," said Dr. Moon sympathetically. "You should tell me everything you know about your boss. I'm very interested. And after that, maybe you can tell me all about your insecurities, secret fantasies, and embarrassing fetishes."

"Sure!" said Quinn, so eager to be obedient and useful.

Dr. Moon questioned Quinn for a while, and Quinn found that they could answer all of their questions easily and in great depth without a hint of shame. It was really nice to be able to speak so freely. Dr. Moon was such a kind, understanding person.

"You've done so well for me," said Dr. Moon. "I couldn't ask for a better test subject. I think it's time for you to get another round of brainwashing, don't you think?"

"Yes, please!" said Quinn with a big smile. "I'm so lucky that I get to spend an entire month in the Brainwashing Department. Do you think I could transfer permanently?"

"I think that would be an excellent idea. We'll see. But for now, I need to change out your IV medication, okay?" Dr. Moon switched the nearly empty bag for a full one. "This formulation is a little different. I've reduced the Liquid Lullaby and added a little River Lethe. That's our best and most gentle amnestic -- a medication that interferes with memory formation and produces amnesia."

"Amnesia…?" said Quinn, feeling a strange bit of anxiety, the first they'd felt since waking.

"You'll be less sleepy this time, but don't worry, you'll be every bit as hypnotized and blissed-out. You're not going to remember the next few hours, though. You probably won't remember much of this conversation, either," said Dr. Moon. "This new medication will leave you feeling pretty fuzzy for a while after your treatment, too. Is all of that okay with you?"

The anxiety was dissolved by their desire to please the doctor. "Of course it's okay. Whatever you think is best." The new drug was already dripping steadily into their veins. It was strange to think that it was already at work in their brain, that they wouldn't be able to remember any of this.

"Then you can just sit back and enjoy your new favorite TV show," said Dr. Moon, turning the screen on again. This time, it was a scene of slow moving clouds floating by.

Quinn barely noticed when Dr. Moon dimmed the lights and left the room, the drugs and the voices in their headphones already turning their mind into useless mush, fit only to listen and obey. After all, they were so sleepy, and the hypnotic program was far too good to resist.

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