#arson is the best quote

[puppetmaster13u]

So I am rotating the batfamily, but not like, civilian or vigilante. I am slowly rotating them all having a Malone-sona of sorts that is their in to organized crime.

Like you can't tell me people wouldn't start noticing this family that the bats, the literal cryptids and monsters of Gotham, don't even touch and lets continue to operate despite taking the older crime families apart.

And to Gotham that screams power.

Alfred = Albert “Old Al” Malone I wanna say that he doesn't go out as 'Old Al' often, but gives off Godfather sort of vibes. Usually sitting there with an old cane (that definitely has a sword, they're all dramatic like that lol) half in the dark with a cup of tea or other drink. He gets to stretch his acting skills and honestly the kids definitely had a say in the persona. Old Al is something they all made together and they have fun implying so much fun shit.

Kate = Mary “Madam” Malone She definitely gives off 'snap your spine over her knee if not for the fact it would get your blood all over her clothes' vibes. Stylized nails, hair up in fishtail braids or ponytails or whatever, looks like she could tear out ones throat and they'd thank her. It's a running gag that she's in finances, even if no one in the underbelly believes it.

Bruce = “Matches” Malone I mean, it's classic Matches (though most probably assume that Matches isn't his real name) who seems rather chill until someone breaks the rules. Gives off vibes that he doesn't usually get his own hands dirty but will do so to make a point, and enjoy doing it. He sometimes uses Matches to check in on places he can't as a shadowy cryptid, and it's not like the lower income areas would fully trust Brucie Wayne.

Barbara = Madison “Maddie” Malone Now let's be honest, Barbara enjoys messing with people, she enjoys knowing every little thing as Oracle, and she definitely does that as Maddie. The thing is, no one knows how she learns about things, other criminals search for a traitor, for a leak, for anything, and get nothing. Which is utterly terrifying. Because there has to be some sort of information network, there has to be. And somehow they're so good that they're indistinguishable to any others.

Dick = Micheal “Mikey” Malone Honestly Dick uses this chance to get into a bunch of fights just for fun. Flirts a bit more freely but doesn't really have an interest in actually getting with someone. Just has funs and is known for throwing his own parties that usually end in free-for-all brawls. He absolutely loves being able to have parties that are the opposite of galas he's usually dragged into.

Cass = Molly Malone She's quiet and graceful, but she takes it to unnerving levels as Molly. Looks slim but carries guns on her at all time to better differentiate between Cassandra Wayne, Black Bat, and Molly Malone. Everyone knows if you need a weapon, guns, meelee, whatever, she's the one you go to. Gotham help you if you cross her though.

Jason = Peter “Petey” Malone Where Molly Malone goes, everyone knows Petey will be there as well. Jason absolutely adores the time he gets to do so, it's his turn to be silent and dramatic. Everyone can recognize the jagged scar over his neck, they can recognize it from corpses the Bats have gotten their talons on. Honestly he's delighted in being able to be Cass' enforcer of sorts and just have a good fight. Even if he complains about how making his Malone mute makes it where he can't quote Shakespeare like he wants to.

Steph = “Mia” Malone Ah yes, the explosive Malone. The one who has more arson charges than Firefly. Or at least she would if she was caught, but the entire Underbelly knows it was her. Steph is living her best life being able to pull all sorts of pranks and crazy shit and takes several ideas from Harley. Honestly she probably smells like gasoline or smoke all the time, and definitely put glitter in her hair. Maybe even has red hair as a Malone as well.

Tim = Alvin “Al” Malone He still goes by Alvin Draper too, which results in half the underbelly thinking that Draper is his middle name. Honestly he's having the best time, everyone knows to come to him for forgeries and less than legal identities, which he loves to create. I mean just look at how many new identities he creates for himself alone. He enjoys this type of thing, and hey, it's so easy to keep track of whose identity is fake when you're the one who made them. Plus it also lets him do good for those on the run for good reasons, a way to make sure people are safe.

Duke = Dennis “Denny” Malone Everyone knows Denny was adopted, but y'know what, I bet they don't care. And you know Duke is utterly insane, like jump off a bridge to escape the cops and create the We are Robin gang insane. And he gets to play that up as Denny. He will put forth the most batshit ideas and actually pull them off. I bet he uses his future-sight to cheat at different games and pool tables and all sorts of things, but no one can ever prove it. Because there is no proof, and the other people playing just has to deal with it.

Damian = “Mini M” Malone The little baby of the family, who everyone knows the older Malones absolutely dote over. This is his chance to act like an actual child, just with a hint of art theft. Hey, it wasn't like they got it legally either, so it's free game, especially if they weren't taking proper care of the art or a pet. He's just pleased to get to have even more pets, and that Goliath his demon dragon-bat gets to go on walkies.

Jarro = Jadan “Lil J” Malone Now Jarro is delighted to have a third mech, and is even more delighted for people to believe Damian (or technically M jr) and him are twins. Gives off someone is going to die- of fun with Mini M, and honestly enjoys being able to use his natural telepathy to be a small horror movie child that knows too much. Like will stare up at someone with wide eyes covered in blood and the others in Gotham's underbelly still aren't sure if the blood was his or someone elses. (it was neither)

================================================

Honestly I might write a oneshot or something for the Cryptid Batfam focusing on just them as the Malones family.

[thisbuildinghasfeelings]

TK Babe/Baby ❤️🌈

A quote from every single time TK has called Carlos "babe" or "baby" SO FAR.

Babe/Baby Key under the cut!

Color-coded Key (I can't make text yellow, so pretend the pink is yellow!)

Thanks for being here babe. 2x02: TK thanking Carlos for being there for the tumor cake party.

Hi, baby. 2x08: A concussed TK greeting Carlos as he rushes in to save him from the murderous kidnapping bank robbers.

Two wheats, babe. 2x11: During a game of Catan.

Babe, thank god you're here. 2x12: When Carlos arrives at the firehouse as TK is fretting over why Owen got arrested for arson.

Baby, do you smell that? 2x12: When sex was interrupted by a fire.

Yeah, babe. 2x14: TK telling Carlos about Mateo's mic-drop moment during the dust storm.

Hey, baby, breathe. 3x04: TK waking up from a coma to tell Carlos to breathe.

Baby, it's 3 in the morning. 3x05: TK coming to look for Carlos when he's working on the missing child case at 3 in the morning.

Hi, babe, perfect timing. 3x07: TK greeting Carlos with an offer to play next when Carlos arrives at the firehouse to tell them about the Red vs Blue controversy.

Babe, I know you're going through it. 3x11: TK trying to get Carlos to cool it with the rage punching.

Our meeting's at 5 babe. 3x13: TK declining Carlos' offer for coffee or tea because he and Cooper have to get to their meeting.

I don't even know what that means, babe. 3x13: TK's response to Carlos telling him that he's just "trying to figure out what my place is."

Hi, baby. 3x13: TK greeting Carlos when coming home from a meeting.

Hey, babe. 3x15: TK greeting Carlos when coming home with a lizard.

Hey, baby. 3x15: TK greeting Carlos when coming home with mealworms.

Hey...babe. 3x15: TK trying his best to distract Carlos from the fact that Lou has escaped.

Oh my god, babe. 3x15: TK's reaction to finding out that Carlos found Lou and put him safely back in his tank.

Baby. 3x18: TK waking Carlos up to propose to him.

Baby, I'm serious. 3x18: TK reassuring Carlos that he's serious about this proposal.

Baby, this isn't drama. 3x18: TK telling Carlos that it isn't drama inspiring the proposal, it's love.

And baby, my life has been scarred with loss. 3x18: TK continuing to explain to Carlos the reasoning behind his proposal.

And baby, we only get so many. 3x18: TK emphasizing that every moment they're not married is a wasted moment and they only get so many moments.

Hi, baby. 4x01: TK greeting Carlos when he arrives at the firehouse.

Baby, that's fantastic! 4x01: TK's reaction to Carlos telling him that the dream wedding venue is available in 8 weeks.

Hey, babe, I was getting worried. 4x03: TK answering Carlos' call right before Carlos goes into the tunnel to get shoveled.

Stay with me, baby. 4x04: TK resuscitating Carlos.

Come on, baby. 4x04: More resuscitation.

Oh, baby, you saved your own life. 4x04: TK's response to Carlos' thanking him for saving his life.

Ok, babe. 4x12: TK nervously getting ready to interview officiants.

Babe, you don't even hike here. 4x12: TK trying to bring Carlos back to reality a bit after he says he wants to hike the Great Wall.

Babe, it's beautiful. 4x12: TK's response to being presented with a bearded dragon.

*gasp* Babe! 4x14: TK's reaction to Carlos' reveal as the pudding thief.

Yeah, babe. 4x15: TK confirming that he can see photos of the possible suspects for the kidney patient who gave him a black eye.

Babe, my dad's calling. 4x16: TK calling Carlos over to the call with Owen to find out the results of his Huntington's test.

Oh my god, baby, I'm freaking out. 4x16: TK freaking out before picking up the phone.

Babe. 4x17: TK's response to Gabriel making the offer for Carlos to join the Texas Rangers.

You should really try to, babe. 4x18: TK's response to Carlos telling him he doesn't feel much like sleeping the night after his father's funeral.

You've got nothing to be sorry about, baby. 4x18: TK reassuring a grief-stricken Carlos as they're about to postpone the wedding.

Hey, babe. 4x18: TK coming home to Carlos trying to set up a VCR.

Baby, have you been up all night? 4x18: TK waking up to a spiraling Carlos who has indeed been up all night.

Baby, when's the last time you slept for more than a couple hours? 4x18: TK trying to encourage a spiraling Carlos to get some sleep.

[anna-the-undertaker]

Im playing with an incorrect quote generator and I'm sharing them here. They are cracking me tf up.

Belphie: So I can either do something dumb that could very well get me injured or I can listen to MC and not do the thing, Belphie: Well there’s a clear right answer here. Belphie: *proceeds to throw five packs of mentos into a barrel full of diet coke*

Satan: I woke up and chose VIOLENCE. I WILL COMMIT ARSON AND BURN EVERYTHING TO THE GROUND!!! I AM ANGRY- MC: Awwww, you’re so adorable! Give me a hug~ Satan: Wh-What? nO, yOURE SUPPOSED TO BE SCARED OF ME! TREMBLE BEFORE MY WRATH- Lucifer, recording: This is so cute.

Beel: sSSSHIT- I BURNT MY LIP- Belphie: …Why the fuck would you even drink coffee with a METAL STRAW in the FIRST PLACE?? Beel: BECAUSE WE WERE OUT OF THE PLASTIC ONES!

Barbatos: Look, Satan, if you can fit your head down the gun’s barrel, you can assume it doesn’t have a non-lethal setting.

MC: Yes, I'm adopting Satan and you cowards can't tell me no!

Lucifer: *running towards Beel with open arms* Beel: *moves out of the way* Lucifer: Hey, why'd you move?! Beel: I thought you were going to attack me. Lucifer: I was going to hug you! Beel: Why would you hug me? Lucifer: WHY WOULD I ATTACK YOU!?

Levi: The best way to gain someone's undying loyalty is by saving them from a perilous situation. Barbatos: So you're just gonna wait until MC is in danger and save them? Levi: Of course not, I'm going to create a situation that puts them in danger and then save them. Barbatos: … Barbatos: You're insane.

MC: We’re going to defeat you with the power of friendship. Belphie: We’re not friends. MC, holding an axe: We’re going to defeat you with the power of incredible violence.

Lucifer: You’re starting to look like me more and more every day— Satan: *Bursts into tears* Lucifer: Why are you crying? Satan: You’re ugly! I don’t want to look like you! *sobs*

*Satan and Mammon are texting* Satan: Who are you? Someone changed the names in my phone. Mammon: What did they change my name to? Satan: Chosen One. Mammon: Don’t change it back. Satan: BUT WHO ARE YOU?!?! Mammon: I’m the chosen one.

Mammon: "What are you into?" is such a broad question, like do I reply with a TV series or choking?

Belphie: Sorry I can’t be emotionally vulnerable with you it’d ruin the mystery.

Asmo: I don’t think the therapist is supposed to say ‘wow’ that many times during their first session with a client, but here we are.

Mammon: What happened to your nose? Satan: I used it to break some guy's fist.

Mammon: Would it be discrimination to only hire employees at my doughnut shop who have the same name? MC: Legally, I don't believe that breaches any discrimination laws. Morally though… I don't know. Mammon: I believe god is on my side when it comes to Duncans' Doughnuts.

Mammon: Would anyone know any good vendors for professional-quality brass knuckles? Asmo: I know you’re serious, but you say the scariest shit sometimes.

Mammon: look Levi, I'm not slut shaming you but… Mammon: Actually yeah, I'm TOTALLY slut shaming you.

Lucifer: I am the left brain, I am the left brain. "I work really hard until my inevitable death" brain. You've got a job to do, you better do it right and the right way is with the left brain's might. Mammon: I LIKE OREOS AND PUSSY-

Satan: My expectations were low but holy fuck.

MC: *Texts a selfie to the group chat* Hey besties!! Mammon: *Texts a selfie clearly parodying MC's* hey besties !!1! MC: I literally hate you so much.

Satan: What's this? MC, hugging Satan: Affection! Satan: Disgusting. Satan: …Do it again.

Lucifer: I am going to need you to swear- Diavolo: Fuck. Lucifer: Lucifer: …swear as in promise.

Mammon: Pardon me, but it sounds like you’re questioning my authority! Lucifer: Not at all, Mammon. Merely your primitive methods.

MC: *cocks gun* Go to Bed. This is no longer a request, This is now a Threat.

Levi: Wait a minute, how did this happen? We're smarter than this! Beel: Apparently, we're not.

Mammon: *Reading a letter* Satan: Well, what does it say? Mammon: It’s a confession letter. It turns out MC killed my pet rock.

Diavolo: Not to be nsfw but I want someone to hold me while I sleep.

MC: Who else is hiding in the laundry room trying to listen to Diavolo and Lucifer's convo? Asmo: Me. I'm in the laundry basket. Belphie: I'm in the washing machine. Barbatos: I'm in the closet. Asmo: We accept you Barbatos. <3 Barbatos: No I'm literally in the closet. Asmo: Love is love. <3

Belphie (brainstorming ideas for pranking Lucifer): How much would a serial killer mask possibly cost? MC: Well it’s hard to find a high-quality one made out of leather or silicone, but if you did find a good one like that it’d be a couple thousands of dollars. I can try to hook you up with one but I don’t know if I’d be very successful. Belphie: Huh, that’s pretty interesting actually- Wait, how the hell do you know that? MC: …I am very passionate about Halloween, Belphie.

Diavolo: I don't know, it's not my cup of tea. Satan: Well then whose is it? Diavolo, staring at a cup of tea: I don't know!

MC: What’s something you guys are better than Lucifer at? Mammon: Mario Kart. Satan: Yeah, video games. Levi: Emotional vulnerability.

Mammon: Can we talk about that mass email you sent? MC: Why? It was important. Mammon: All it says is, "I'm back on my shit". Diavolo, shrugging: The people need to know.

Mammon: Can you pass the salt? Asmo: Can you pass away? Mammon: Too much salt.

*talking on the phone* Mammon: Remember how I said that MC and I were gonna have a calm night out for once? Lucifer: Yeah… Mammon: Well, we’re in jail. Lucifer: *hangs up*

MC: Go to hell! Lucifer: Where do you think I come from?

MC: I see the red flags, I acknowledge that they're there, and then I completely ignore them.

Satan: We need a distraction. Lucifer: Is anyone here good at jumping up and down and making weird noises? Diavolo, whispering: My time has come.

Mammon: I don’t know, this plan seems complicated. Lucifer: You once said that about an orange. Mammon: They don’t make sense. Apples, you eat their clothes but oranges you don’t.

Diavolo: Mammon and I were crossing the street, and this man drove by and honked at us. Asmo: What did you do? Diavolo: They chased him to the next red light, and reached into his window, and- Mammon: *walking in* Who wants a steering wheel?

[mayflora-18]

Incorrect CoD Quotes #8

*Soap grabs a balloon filled with helium and inhales*

Price: Oh god not again!

Soap: HOW Are unicorns fake but a giraffe is real!?

Ghost: WHAT?

Soap: Like, what’s more believable?

Gaz: Where are you going with this?

Soap: A horse with a horn *aggressively claps on “horn”* ORRRRR a leopard moose camel with a 40 foot NECK?

Sherlock: I work with idiots 😑

———

Ghost: Does anyone else think…

Soap: That’s dangerous.

Ghost: That some people… just need a high five…

Price: That’s nice, Simon.

Ghost: In the head…

Roach: Yassss

Ghost: With a chair?

Gaz: Why are you like this?

———

Ghost: Okay, what does A stand for?

Roach: Arson.

Ghost: Aww you’re so good.

Soap: Okay B. What does B stand for?

Roach: Barson.

*Soap laughs*

Gaz: What stands for C?

Roach: Commit arson.

Ghost: Ooooooh!

Price: D!?

*Roach looks at Price and smiles*

Price, thinking: Please be normal.

Roach: Don’t come near me… I’m going to commit ARSON!!!!

*everyone else laughs*

Price, sarcastic: I raised him real well.

———

Sherlock: How did you take down Captain America?

Ghost, using a terrible German accent: Ve shot him in ze legs because his shield is ze size of a dinner plate.

König, overhears Ghost: …Fick dich🖕(“Fuck you” in German)

———

Ghost: Umm, do you have a pencil by any chance?

Rudy: No, but I have a knife…

Ghost: What-what?

Rudy: And I know how to cut a bitch… *whispers* Try me

———

*Rudy cooking in the kitchen*

Alejandro, walking in: Hey mi amor?

Rudy: ahuh?

Alejandro: If somebody told you they’d give you a million dollars for knocking me out, what would you do?

*Rudy immediately slaps Alejandro with a frying pan*

Rudy: Where’s my money?

Alejandro, on the floor: 😵‍💫

———

Roach, singing for Sherlock: Somebody come get her, she’s fucking up my dinner~

*Sherlock throws a plate at and he falls down*

Sherlock, singing for Roach: Somebody come get him, before I fucking end him!~

———

Nikolai: There’s a spider!

Laswell: So what do you me to do?!

Nikolai: KILL IT!

Laswell: YOU SAW IT FIRST!

Nikolai: YOU KILL IT!

Laswell: You’re the man!!

Nikolai: Since when?!

———

Stupid-drunk!Roach to Sherlock: You so crazy… I think I wanna have your babies.

Sherlock: 😐

Gaz, thinking: I don’t know if I should be confused or just jealous.

Soap, just confused: How would that even work?

Ghost : I think it’s time for you to go to sleep, Roach.

———

Sherlock: Listen. Am I the most attractive person in the world?

Soap: Is this a trick question?

Sherlock: No. But do I have a great personality?

Price: *face palms*

Sherlock: Also no. But do I wake up every morning and try to be the best person I can be?

Ghost, has only heard the first half of this bit before: I actually don’t know this one…

Sherlock: No.

Nikolai: …Sweetie, did Ghost get to you?

———

Price : Repeat after me: I can do this!

Nikolai: I can do this.

Price: I’m ready to burn some calories!

Nikolai: I’m ready to burn some calories.

Price: I’m done eating fast food and drinking alcohol.

Nikolai: …I’m ready to burn some calories.

Price: Alright, let’s get started!

———

Soap, Gaz, Ghost: Ahhh

Soap: We’re d-d-d driving in a-

Gaz: Car! Destination drug dealer’s-

Ghost: Bar! Pass the mic over to Price-!

Soap: Shit, we forgot Price.

Ghost: …But we can’t turn back because we’ve too far!

Gaz: We have to turn back, though. We can’t leave him.

———

Alejandro: You eat so fucking gross, Graves. Do you eat like that on dates?

Graves, cheeks puffed up with meatballs and marinara sauce on his face: …I don’t go on dates.

Alejandro: Exactly. There’s a reason why no one takes you on dates.

Graves: Well damn! Who hurt you today?

Alejandro: Bitch nobody.

———

Graves: Hey, Sergeant. …Soap.

Soap: What?

Graves: *hands Soap a coffee cup* Try this coffee and tell me what it tastes like.

Soap: *takes the cup and gives it a sip* Hazelnut?

Graves: I don’t know, I found it in the garbage.

*Soap tries to spit it out*

———

Gaz: Nikolai, what’s wrong with Sherlock? She seems angry.

Nikolai: She’s totally fine.

Gaz: Okay? Well, where’s Graves?

Sherlock, walking into the room: Maybe he got sick… or went missing… OR GOT HIT BY A BUS!!

Gaz: 🙊

*Sherlock leaves the room*

Gaz: Totally fine, huh?

Nikolai: Yeah… Totally fine.

———

Nikolai: So, the man that tried to kill you - what did he look like?

Sherlock: He was so hot. It was crazy.

Price: O-ok. But what did he look like?

Sherlock: I mean where should I start? Uh, he was tall, you know, maybe 6’3” or 6”4”? Uh absolutely just jaaacked! But not like scary-body-builder jacked. Like, he was ripped but he still had a soft touch. You could totally fall asleep in his arms.

Price: Alright what did his face look like??

Sherlock: Well- uh- y’know Brad Pitt?

Price: Yeah?

Sherlock: Forget Brad Pitt. This guy was hotter.

Nikolai: Hotter than Brad Pitt??

Sherlock: Hotter than Bradley Joseph Pitt.

Soap: That’s crazy!

Sherlock: I would pay money to gaze into those eyes again.

Gaz: Even after he tried to kill you?

Sherlock: I almost wish he’d stabbed me to death and took his time doing it just so the last thing I saw could’ve been those ocean blue eyes.

Ghost: I’m getting a little hot just off your description so I can only imagine how it felt to be there!

Sherlock: Insane.

Gaz: Gosh I can’t believe he was hotter than Brad Pitt.

Ghost: Hey, what did she say about Brad Pitt?

Gaz: Oh, shoot! I-I-I-I I’m sorry!

Soap: Yeah, forget Brad Pitt!

Gaz: Done! Forgotten! Who is he?

Ghost: He doesn’t exist.

Soap: He’s gone.

Gaz: Bradley David Pitt is no more.

Sherlock: Good!

Price and Nikolai: 😑

(Note: Sorry there was no post yesterday! There will be more later, promise!)

[creepy-bi-day]

Haven’t done one of these in a while. So here we fuckin go

Creeps as Quotes I’ve seen/Heard

Brian: “Are you sure we can’t just commit arson and run? What are they gonna do. Dust for fingerprints?”

Tim: “Why does the modern world insist on me waking up at eight AM? Please just let me rot.”

Toby: “How would you, as a DND nerd, go about turning piss into Mountain Dew? For science.”

Cody: “So like. If there’s another lockdown I’m either committing homicide or suicide. I haven’t decided yet.”

EJ: “Did you know that your body can regrow limbs?” (What?) “Sorry. I had to make sure you’re paying attention. Technically we have the gene for it, but it’s like. Off.”

Kate: talking about how expensive an ambulance is “No, for real. Throw me in the backseat of a car and just fucking drive.”

BEN: “Humans are divine creatures in their own right, and we create machines and computers in our image.”

Jane: “I came back to vomit (insert hot character here) simpage and forgot the chat left off on Laika.”

And some screenshots of the cursed best friend groupchat:

[distinguishedwitchparadise]

WTTT INCORRECT QUOTE-

Gov: Where's New York? 
Florida: Don't worry, I'll find them. 
Florida, shouting: California sucks! 
New York, distantly: California is the best person ever! Fuck you! 
Florida: Found them.

California: Just say when. 
Florida: When. 
California: I- 
California: Now or later? 
Florida: Oh.

New York: How do tall people people possibly sleep at night when the blanket can't possibly cover you? 
California: New York, it's four o'clock in the morning. 
New York: So, you can't sleep, huh? Is it because of the blanket?

Florida: People tell me I have a unique way of lighting up a room. 
California: It’s called arson and those people are called witnesses.

Florida: Safe Space, I accidentally dropped my seed into my mouth and then I accidentally ate it. Am I going to have a lemon tree grow inside my belly? 
California: Well, let's think about it. Did you also swallow a wet paper towel? 
Florida: Yes. 
California: 
California: Alright, let's go to the nurse.

New York: There is no future. There is no past. Don't you see? Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every fact. 
California: ...All I asked was if you wanted to cut your birthday cake first.

New York: My ultimate goal is to punch God in the eye, just to spite him one last time.

Florida: Well, if you're not at least a little bit gay for your friends, then what kind of friend are you?

louisiana: What did Florida do this time?

New York: More like WHO did Florida do this time?

[vanillaxoshi]

Boboiboy Elementals Seperated - Incorrect Quotes I found on the generator edition

*The Kokotiam is about to do something dangerous* 
Ying: Shouldn’t someone give a pep talk? 
Fang: Go ahead. 
Boboiboy: Be careful. 
Qually: Don’t die?
Yaya: I think we’ll be fine!
Gopal: Great. We’re all very inspired.

Gopal: Hey Person C, can you give me the opposite of these words? 
Gopal: Always, Coming, From, Take, Me, Down. 
Solar: Never, Going, To, Give, You- 
Solar: The fucking satisfaction.

Kira’na, to Gempa and Ais:*holding the Voltra sword out in front of them* Are you or are you not an enemy of the people?! 
Ais: ... 
Gempa: ... 
Ais: That is such an open-ended question. 
Gempa: It really depends on a lot of different factors-

Adudu: You wanna fight?! You got one! 
Boboiboy: Okay! *raises fists* 
*Halilintar runs in, scoops Boboiboy up in their arms, and runs away carrying him* 
Adudu:

Adudu: What

Doctor: How the hell are you still alive? 
Boboiboy: Honestly, I’m just as confused as you are.

Blaze, trying to comfort Boboiboy: What's the problem? Anxiety? Low self-esteem? Obsessive thoughts of random arson? I've been there.

Yaya: An apple a day keeps the doctor away! 
Duri: An apple a day can keep anyone away if you throw it hard enough!

Blaze: I have an idea. 
Boboiboy: A good idea? 
Blaze: Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Gempa: I’d like to live through a week that’s not a whole new verse of “We Didn’t Start the Fire.”

Halilintar: I’ve come to a point in my life where I need a stronger word than fuck.

Gempa: Everyone, calm down! We're grown-ups, let's deal with this like adults! 
Taufan: So, we're just going to wing it and hope for the best? 
Gempa: Obviously. Now, Duri, pass the shovel.

Fang: When's the last time you slept? 
Solar: Uh... a few days ago, I think. 
Fang: A few- how many?
Solar: Uh... *starts counting on fingers* I need more fingers... 
Fang: What you need is sleep!

Duri: “I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy” I would.
Blaze: “I’m not gonna sink to their level” I will. Coward. 
Solar: “I’m the bigger person” I’m 150cm tall give me the gun.

Is this lore accurate? Perhaps.




I dont exactly know how to respond to this other than wonderful quotes

Wonderful fitful roles

Well from what i think

Some of these are just chaos and loving Duri being the violent one here

[sleepyburito]

fto rewrite incorrect quotes

rewriting one of my comfort mcrp's and I made these as well:

Inspired by @leaf-in-a-flower-garden to share these

Dragon Slayers

Blake: “Struggle with depression” would seem to imply that I am bad at being depressed when I am, in fact, very proficient at being depressed.

Bryan: “Struggle with depression” would seem to imply that I am bad at being depressed when I am, in fact, very proficient at being depressed.

Mori: Seek always accuses me of having a favourite but that’s not true. Mori: I love Blake and all the not-Blakes equally.

*Bryan teaching Blake to drive and taking Davis along for the ride* Bryan: That's a pothole. To the left! Blake: Take it back now y'all *Drives into pothole* Davis, sticking their face into the front over the center console: Cha Cha real smooth. Blake: I don't think that's how the song goes. Bryan, crying and gripping the handle: Please just take me home. Blake: Country Roads. Davis: To the place. Blake and Davis in unison: I Belong! Bryan, crying harder: What the fuck?

Bryan: Viper, I need some advice. Viper: You need advice from ME? Bryan: Yeah, frightening, isn't it?

Mario: Blake has no survival skills, her need to win has replaced them. Bryan: That can't be true! Mario: Watch this. Mario: Hey Blake, race you to the bottom of the stairs! Blake: *Throws herself out a window*

Blake: What did you order this morning? Davis: What do you mean? Blake: I heard you answer the door, and I sensed food

Viper: I’ve become a bread crumb dealer to four crows at the lake. They pay me with a bit of everything. Like shiny things, fabric, or pens. But recently they paid me with a 20 dollar bill they found somewhere. So I decided to buy them some more expensive bread. They loved it. So they understand what to do. Give me money. I’ve probably racked up about 200 dollars at this point. Is it morally wrong though, I mean. They’re the ones who steal the money from others. Or perhaps they just have a big pile laying somewhere. Should I keep on doing this? Bryan: You sound like the start of a Batman villain.

Colin: Why's it called an oven when you of in the cold food and you of out hot eat the food? Seek: ...What???

Mori: I'm gonna get my pilot's license. I've already got a driver's license and a cosmetology license, that's two of the big five licenses. Colin: The big five licenses? Mori: Driver's license, cosmetology license, pilot's license, fishing license, and… license to kill! I can't wait to get that one.

Blake: What the fuck? People actually tell their crushes they like them?? Mario: What the hell do you do? Blake: I die? What kinda question…

Blake: FUCK THE CHAIR. PARDON ME FOR MAKING MYSELF COMFORTABLE DURING A SINCERE HEART TO HEART DISCUSSION WITH A DEAR FRIEND IN NEED! Blake: BUT THE TIME HAS COME FOR ME TO CEASE STRADDLING THIS DEEPLY OFFENSIVE PIECE OF FURNITURE! AWAY WITH YE, FOUR LEGGED TEMPTRESS! DISTRACT US NO MORE WITH THE MOST BASIC AND UTILITARIAN FORM OF COMFORT YOU SUPPLY! Bryan: Blake just threw a tantrum about a chair. Bryan: I just won Blake Tantrum Bingo.

Mori, trying to comfort Mania: What's the problem? Anxiety? Low self-esteem? Obsessive thoughts of random arson? I've been there.

Viper, on the phone: Uh. . Hey, Mario, i uh, I’ve been stabbed. Bryan: WHAT? WHERE ARE YOU? Viper: Wait- You aren’t Mario. Sorry- I didn’t mean to call you- Bryan: NO, WHERE ARE YOU? IM COMING THERE. IM NOT GOING TO LEAVE SOMEONE ALONE THATS BEEN STABBED.

Mori: Ask me anything. Go ahead, I'll give you a straight answer. Blake: Why are we so fucking awesome? Mori: That's the best fucking question anybody's ever asked.

Divinus Magia 

Mario, to Inmo: One universe, nine planets, seven seas, seven continents, and I had the unfortunate luck of meeting you. Blake: Hey, that’s not very nice- Inmo: There are only eight planets, you uncultured swine! Blake, forgetting about Mario: VIVA LA PLUTO, FUCK YOU!

Lara: Who would you kill out of the four of us, Mario? Mario: David, easily. David, laughing: What the fuck, man. Mario: Well, Furan would be too easy. He’d probably be into it. Furan, now standing in the doorway: What the fuck, man!?

Brandon: I’ve invited you here because I crave the deadliest game... David, nodding: Knife Monopoly. Brandon: I was actually going to play Russian roulette, but now I'm really interested in whatever knife Monopoly is.

Furan: What do you do for a living? Ritchie: I exist against my will.

Ritchie: I failed my safety training course today. Blake: Why, what happened? Ritchie: Well one of the questions was "In case of a fire, what steps would you take?" Blake: And? Ritchie: Well apparently "FUCKING LARGE ONES" isn't an acceptable answer.

David: Yo! I heard you like reptiles, got any fun facts? Blake: If a dragon eats your dad, they become your new dad.

Lucas: What do you want for breakfast, Blake? Blake: Gay Cheerios. Lucas: I TOLD YOU TO STOP CALLING FRUIT LOOPS THAT!!

Devin: My level of gay has reached “sighing deeply whenever anything extremely heterosexual happens near me”.

Lucas: Someone care to explain why we have 6 dogs in our guild hall? Inmo: They're golden retrievers, dude. They retrieve gold. I did this for us.

Devin: Why are you smiling? Brandon: What? I can’t just be happy? David: Ritchie tripped and fell in the parking lot.

Blake: Can I have a private talk with you? Furan: Okay, as long as it’s not about tampons because I just don’t understand them.

Kit: Not to be nsfw but I want someone to hold me while I sleep.

Devin, sleep deprived: Why's it called an oven when you of in the cold food and you of out hot eat the food? Ritchie: ...What???

Inmo: Blake, say aluminum again. It's the entire source of my serotonin during these trying times. Blake: *sigh* Only for you, buddy. Alyoouminnieeum. Blake: Self-care is suppressing all your trauma until it comes back and hits you in the face with the force of 7 very large trucks.

[away-ward]

Devil's Night Incorrect Quotes: Best of the Best

Rules of the game is:

It has to make me laugh

I can't exchange or shuffle the names

that's it. feel free to save your favorites, and even let me know which ones gave you a laugh. believe it or not, this is actually a narrowed down list of my favorite incorrect quotes from a random generator.

Michael: Sorry I'm late, I was doing stuff. Banks: YOU PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKING STAIRS!

--

Emory: I am darkness. I am an power. I am your worst nightmare. I could kill a man in more ways than you can imagine. I am the night. I am fury, I am a weapon, I am- Will: A doll. Banks: A cinnamon roll. Michael: A sweetheart. Emory: Emory: ...stop it.

--

Will: People tell me I have a unique way of lighting up a room. Rika: It’s called arson and those people are called witnesses.

--

*Emory answers Rika's office phone* Michael: What happened to Rika? Emory: She died. Michael: She what? Emory: She died, but she's okay. Michael: …Can you please clarify? Rika *in the background*: Clarification is for the weak.

--

Michael: *sneaking in through their window* Rika: *turning in her chair and flicking the light one* You want to tell me where you've been all night? Michael: I was with Kai? Kai: *turning in his chair* Wanna try again?

--

Damon: So… I’ve seen you’ve been spending a lot of time with Emory recently. Will: No, Damon, it's not what it looks like, I swear. Damon: Oh really? So no reason for me to be jealous? Will: No! You’re the only one for me. Damon: Is that so? Will: I promise! Emory and I are just dating, okay? She's my partner. Damon: So there are no best-friends-feelings involved? Will: You are still my one and only best friend! She's just the love of my life, nothing more! Damon: But I’m still the platonic love of your life, right? Will: Of course bro! Damon: Bro... Emory: What the-

--

*During Corrupt*

Rika: *angrily presses Michael against a wall* WHERE'S THE MONEY?! Michael: ... Michael: Are we about to kiss-

--

Will: Seriously, all you do is bitch. Kai: I happen to bitch the perfect amount for someone in my situation

--

Will: I think it’s time I get my life in order. Damon, narrating: But he did not get his life in order. In fact, he got drunk last night and fought a raccoon.

--

Michael, texting Winter *knowing Damon's out of town*: Any plans for tonight? Winter: No. Michael: Loser.

--

Michael: You need a hobby. Banks: I have a hobby! Michael: Hitting Will isn't a hobby.

--

Damon: You are, of course, wondering why it is I have brought you here tonight. Kai: Actually, Damon, after all these years, I just sort of go with it.

--

Rika: What is wrong with you? Damon: Loaded question. Elaborate.

--

Winter: *running into the room* Rika just said she doesn't love me anymore! Damon: What?! Rika: *following her in* I did not say that. I just said that we are not driving all the way across the country just so you can punch Michael in the face.

--

Winter: I scare people a lot because I walk very softly and they don't hear me enter rooms. So when they turn around, I'm just kind of there and their fear fuels me.

--

*playing twister* Kai: Right hand red. Will: *ends up on top of Michael* Michael: You're doing this on purpose, aren't you? Kai: I stopped spinning like 15 minutes ago. Honestly, I'm surprised you didn't notice.

--

Will: I eat cheerios because they’re heart healthy. Will: And my heart has been severely damaged, so Emory, if you’re out there—

--

Will: Winter... Winter: Oh no, 'Winter' in B flat. Winter: You're disappointed.

--

Damon: Do you guys ever have a civilized conversation that doesn't require insulting each other every time you get a chance? Emory: No. Kai: No. Damon: Didn't think so.

--

Will: Are you coming to bed? Emory: I can't. This is important. Will: What? Emory: Someone is wrong on the internet.

--

Rika: Hey, Kai, are you free on Friday? Like around eight? Kai: Yeah. Rika: And you, Banks? Banks: Umm... yes? Rika: Great! Because I'm not. You two go out without me. Enjoy your date! Banks: Did she just-

--

Kai: Am I going to far? Emory: No, no, no. You went too far about 7 hours ago. Now you’re going to prison.

--

Rika, acting tough: You guys don't want to mess with me. Kai: Yeah, Rika will straight up cry in public. Don't try her. Rika: Exactly, I will straight up- Rika: Rika, tearing up: Kai, why would you say that?!

--

Emory: When I die I want Kai to lower me into my grave so he can let me down one last time.

*no... i'm not bitter. what would give you that impression?*

--

Emory, pointing to Kai and Damon: Distract them! I'll be right back! *leaves* Banks: Okay! *five minutes later* Emory: *returns and sees Kai and Damon unconscious on the ground* What did you do? I said distract them, not knock them out! Banks: There's just no pleasing you sometimes.

--

Damon: You need a hobby. Will: I have a hobby! Damon: Fawning over Emory isn’t a hobby.

--

Michael: That's not funny. Damon: I thought it was funny. Michael: You don't count. You started laughing in the middle of a funeral because you started thinking of a meme you saw on Facebook.

--

Kidnapper: I have one of your friends. Kai: Which one? I have seven. Kidnapper: The loud, annoying, rowdy one who never shuts up. Kai: Which one? I have seven. Will, distantly: HEY!!!

--

Winter: *eating a cinnamon roll* Will: Cannibalism. Winter: *confused chewing noises*

--

Winter: If you got arrested what would be the charges? Rika Theft. Banks: Disturbing the peace. Damon: Aggravated assault. Will: Arson. Emory: All of the above. In that order, probably.

--

Banks: So what’s for dinner? Rika: I can’t tell you, it’s a soup-prise! Banks: … Banks: Is it soup? Rika: I soup-pose it could be! *winks* Banks: Please, enough with the soup puns! Rika: Wow, you’re soup-per mean. Banks: STOP! *one hour later* Banks: It’s fucking tacos?!?!?!

--

Emory: *visiting the squad* Hello, I just came to- Emory: *sees Kai shoving Michael into the washing machine while Damon records and Will watches* Emory: *retreating* Something suddenly came up.

--

Will: *cocks gun* Go to Bed. This is no longer a request, This is now a Threat.

*in my head, it's a water gun and it's em that needs to go to bed*

--

Michael: Emory, keep an eye on Will today. He's going to say something to the wrong person and get punched. Emory: Sure, I'd love to see Will getting punched. Winter: Try again. Emory, sighing: I will try to stop Will from getting punched.

--

Winter: If I say yes am I joining a cult? Banks: Possibly. Winter: I’m in.

--

Banks: Love is weakness and an evolutionary mistake. Damon: You are literally making a Valentine’s day card for Kai. Banks, pointing her hot glue gun towards Damon: You’re on thin fucking ice

--

Rika: *watching the squad's shenanigans with concern* Do you feel like this has gotten out of hand? Will: I don't know. Feels normal enough for a group that's on 911's blocked callers list.

--

Will: You’re my best friend, I would do anything for you. Damon: I want you to eat 3 meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule. Will: Absolutely not.

--

*The gang's thoughts on stabbing* Rika: Would never stab anyone. Will: Would stab someone in retaliation. Winter: Yells "I won't hesitate, bitch!" first. Banks: Would stab without warning. Emory: Would stab as a warning.

--

Banks: I don’t think the therapist is supposed to say ‘wow’ that many times during their first session with a client, but here we are.

--

Damon: *pretending to joke* So when are you going to go out with me? Winter: I don't know. When are you going to ask me to? *later* Emory: And you just ran away?! Damon: I didn't expect her to flirt back!

--

Will: I give up. I am so tired. Rika: Get the emergency supply! Michael: *carries Damon and places him in front of Will* Damon: *smiles* Will: AND I AM BACK BABY, LET’S GOOO

--

Will: Hey, babe, remember how I had to go to the pharmacy to pick up my ADHD meds? Emory: Yes? Will: Well, it turns out they're all out for the next five days. Emory: Fuck. Will: It's gonna be a fun week! Emory: I'm going to Winter 's house. Will: Nuh-uh. Through sickness and health, motherfucker

--

Will: You need to be more careful! Emory, who was dragged into Will's issue: Careful? CAREFUL?! I'LL CAREFULLY WRAP MY HANDS AROUND YOUR THROAT-

--

Will: You’ve got to learn to love yourself. Emory: But don't you hate yourself. Will: Yeah, but this is about you. Stay focused.

--

Banks: Who would you swipe right for? Kai or Rika? Damon: I would delete the app.

--

Kai: Guys, there’s a monster under my bed and it’s really ugly. Damon, on the bottom bunk: Honestly, fuck you.

--

Kai: Are we really going to let Banks keep Damon? Rika: We kept Winter.

--

Damon: Banks and I are so close we even share a toothbrush. Banks: We what?

--

Emory: I want a bf. Will: Do you mean best friend, boyfriend or bread feast? Because you’re being really vague here.

--

Kai: Emory... Emory: I can tell by the tone of your voice that you are disappointed. Alas, I must further disappoint you by affirming how little I give a fuck.

--

Kai: I have a problem. Damon: Kill it. Kai: Can you chill for like, two seconds?

--

Banks: Can we go to a haunted house? Damon: What’s wrong with the one we live in? Banks: Wh-what? Damon: Goodnight, Banks.

--

Banks: I hope no one lowkey hates me. Banks: Highkey hate me. Hate me with every fiber of your being. Banks: Go big or go home.

--

Will, pointing to Emory’s empty room: YOU LET THEM ESCAPE?! Damon: I WAS ON BREAK.

--

Michael: Dear Diary, my teen angst bullshit has a body count.

--

Banks: Do you want to explain the text you sent me last night Michael: It was autocorrect. Banks: Autocorrect wrote "You're so hot. Please step on me."? Michael: Yes.

--

hope you had fun :)

[bisexual-queenie]

BNHA Pro Heroes as Incorrect Quotes

Warnings: NSFW quotes, mentions of drugs, alcohol, murder, arson, and cigarettes, swearing)

Eraserhead: Ugh, crushes are so dumb.

Present Mic: I know. Whenever I’m near the person I like I just start acting stupid.

Eraserhead: But you’re always acting stupid?

Present Mic: …

Present Mic: Yeah, don’t think about that too hard.

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Edgeshot: If you kill me, my teeth only have a 2% drop rate.

Kamui Woods: What?

Edgeshot: Good luck.

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Ryukyu: Did you have to stab them?

Miruko: You weren’t there. You didn’t hear what they said to me.

Ryukyu: What did they say?

Miruko: "What are you going to do, stab me?"

Ryukyu: That’s fair.

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Edgeshot: Could you guys at least try to see this from my perspective?

Best Jeanist: *crouches down*

Present Mic: *kneels down*

Fat Gum: *sits on the floor*

Edgeshot: …

Edgeshot: I hate all of you.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hawks: *watching their house burn down*

Hawks: ...

Hawks: *starts filming* Waddup, guys, welcome to my vlog, today's topic: how to get away with accidentally committing arson because you forgot Spaghetti O's cans are metal and thus non-microwavable! Step one: deny everything.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Edgeshot: *is wearing silk pants* How does this look?

Best Jeanist: Like its slips on and off really easily.

Edgeshot: ...

Best Jeanist: No, I didn't mean it like that-

Gang Orca: We know what you meant.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Miruko: If it pleases the court I would like to say that my opponent is TALKING SHIT!

Endeavor: …

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mount Lady: I hope no one lowkey hates me.

Mount Lady: Highkey hate me. Hate me with every fiber of your being.

Mount Lady: Go big or go home.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Best Jeanist: Hey, Shinya. What kind of flowers do you prefer?

Edgeshot: I like sunflowers.

Best Jeanist, pulling out a bouquet of Venus Flytraps: Well, shit-

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kamui Woods: When Yuu was born, the gods said, "She’s too perfect for this world."

Midnight: Please. When she was born, the devil said, "Oh, competition."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hawks: It smells like henway in here.

Endeavor:

Edgeshot: Endeavour.

Edgeshot, forcefully: Doesn't it smell like henway in here?

Endeavor: *sigh*

Endeavor: What's a henway?

Hawks: OH ABOUT TEN POUNDS!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Best Jeanist: Why were you up yesterday until 3am?

Hawks: How did you know I was up until 3am?

Endeavor: We could hear you clapping to the FRIENDS intro every 25 minutes.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

All Might: What happened?!

Present Mic:  Do you want the long version or the short version?

All Might: Sh-short??

Present Mic: Shit's fucked.

All Might: Okay, long.

Present Mic: Shit's very fucked.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Present Mic: I truly go into housewife mode when I'm someone's soulmate- like, I'll make you pancakes and bacon every morning.

Eraserhead: This is a lie.

Eraserhead: I'm literally dating them. This is a lie.

Eraserhead: THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO COOK A PANCAKE, WHAT IS THIS.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mount Lady, pointing a camera at Edgeshot: There they are, our sweet baby.

Edgeshot, holding a cigarette and a beer: What-?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sir Nighteye: So, according to my university, it is, quote, “my responsibility if there is an internet outage to contact the faculty and the department.”

Sir Nighteye: Now, if you’re a critical thinker like me, you might be wondering one thing.

Sir Nighteye: HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO EMAIL THE DEPARTMENT?!?!?!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Eraserhead: Thought I was meowing back at my cat for the past hour, but it was just me and Hizashi meowing at each other from different rooms in the house.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fat Gum: How are you today?

Sir Nighteye: Please don’t make me think about my life.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Best Jeanist walking into the kitchen and seeing all their limes peeled: Shinya, I love you but, what the h-e-double FUCK.

Edgeshot, sipping coffee happily: I love you too :)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Edgeshot: My aesthetic is "would be suspected of witchcraft by small town citizens."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gang Orca: Oh god, they texted you ‘hi.’’ punctuation only means one thing, Tsunagu. They're mad at you.

Best Jeanist: No, it's Shinya. They're just being grammatically correct!

*meanwhile*

Edgeshot: And then I used a period so they'd know that I'm mad at them.

Kamui Woods: A period doesn't say 'I'm mad', it says 'you're dead to me'.

Edgeshot: I stand by my choice.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sir Nighteye: Why is Hizashi crying?

Eraserhead: They saw a leaf on the sidewalk and-

Present Mic: IT LOOKED SO CRUNCHY!

Sir Nighteye: Please don’t say what I think you’re gonna say-

Present Mic: AND WHEN I STEPPED ON IT THERE WAS NO CRUNCH!

Sir Nighteye: NO, NOT THAT!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Everyone is giving advice to Eraserhead*

All Might: It's okay to ask for help.

Midnight: You're not a burden.

Present Mic: Murder is okay.

Tensei: Your feelings matter.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Miruko: What’s it like being tall?

Hawks: Is it nice?

Edgeshot: Can you reach comfortably for the cupboards?

All Might: We live in constant fear of the short ones who, in my experience, will climb four chairs, two boxes, a small coffee table, and six oddly placed stools to get what they want.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Midnight: What situation is not instantly improved by the addition of fishnets, I ask you.

Eraserhead: Being a fish.

Midnight: Well, shit.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sir Nighteye: I can't believe you've done this.....

All Might: I'm sorry I didn't know-!

Sir Nighteye, on the verge of tears: YOU CAN'T JUST BUY ME A GIFT OUT OF NOWHERE NOW I FEEL LIKE A HUGE ASSHOLE!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*During their UA days*

Edgeshot: What if I lied this whole time and I'm actually 18?

Best Jeanist: Kamihara, stop trying to get drugs.

Edgeshot: Don't suppress my interests.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sir Nighteye: Guys where did Fat Gum go?

Ryukyu: He got arrested.

Sir Nighteye: How the hell-

Fat Gum: *bursts in through the window* The cops are after me, I thought it would be fun to steal crackers and throw them at people.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Midnight: What's worse than a heartbreak?

Tensei: Waking up in the morning and your phone wasn't charging.

Present Mic: Waking up in the morning.

Eraserhead: Waking up.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Edgeshot: Hawks just insisted Tsunagu and I remember a code word in case we’re ever confronted by their clone or a cyborg doppelgänger and we’re not sure which is the real them and which is the imposter.

Edgeshot: Some families have a fire escape plan, but not us.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Present Mic: I’m the sexiest bitch in this therapy waiting room.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Miruko: Sometimes I drink milk straight from the container.

Edgeshot: The cow??

Miruko: What?

Ryukyu: Shinya, W H Y?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kamui Woods: Your smile? It makes my day.

Mount Lady: Your happiness? I live for that.

Edgeshot: A room? Get one.

Fat Gum: Hotel? Trivago.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hawks: From now on we will be using code names.

Hawks: You can address me as Eagle One.

Hawks: Miruko is “been there done that”.

Hawks: Endeavor is “currently doing that”.

Hawks: Edgeshot is “it happened once in a dream”.

Hawks: Best Jeanist is “if I had to pick a dude”.

Hawks: And Ryukyu is..

Hawks: Eagle Two

Ryukyu: Oh thank god.

And that concludes this post! I hope this was funny enough for anyone reading this!

[emoprincey]

Ok I'm thinking abt a human au where all the incorrect quotes happen, so here's a little bullet fic based on that:

Patton and Logan are married because I said so.

They have six dogs because one of Patton's friends had a dog that gave birth unexpectedly. The friend couldn't take care of the puppies, and wanted to know they'd gone to a good home, so Patton agreed to take the whole litter.

Patton now spends his time learning dog-friendly recipes for baked goods, and covering the lawn in mugs for the sake of a pun.

Virgil was Logan's roommate in college, and used to beta read his Star Trek fanfiction.

Logan in turn has assisted Virgil with phone calls that make him anxious. It usually went about as well as you'd expect.

Patton is strangely attached to Virgil and is very insistent that they become friends. The feeling seems mutual, even if Virgil is a little overwhelmed by him at times.

Virgil is also friends with Roman. They often play video games together, even though Roman isn't very good at it.

Roman lives with his twin brother Remus, who can often be found doing weird things like eating shaving cream or drinking spaghetti through a straw.

Janus was a bully when he was at school. His best friend, Virgil, ended up ditching him because of it, and the two of them haven't spoken since they were teenagers. (If Janus was extra put out because he'd lowkey been in love with Virgil since they were kids, well... who's to say)

Janus and Remus are spies. They're partners in crime and are absolutely inseparable.

Their line of work often leads them into predicaments, and they have a lot of 'sleepovers' in the emergency room. This isn't helped by Remus' penchant for committing arson.

Virgil ends up becoming a spy too. He works for a different organisation to Janus and Remus, but on one mission they end up working together to steal somthing.

Things are still rocky between him and Janus, but they're starting to put the past behind them and work things out.

Until Janus betrays Virgil and steals his credit card, breaks in and steals the target himself.

This whole debacle leads to Virgil getting stabbed by an enemy agent.

Patton and Logan happen to be passing by, and they find him. Logan has some medical expertise and asks what his blood type is. When Virgil says "B positive" Patton, who isn't used to this situation at all, replies "I'm trying!"

Virgil does end up making a full recovery.

When Janus finds out Virgil was injured, he regrets betraying him.

If I was writing this out as a full fic, this is where I'd end part one, but I think after this point I would have Janus and Remus become double agents working for Virgil’s organisation, as Janus slowly tries to regain Virgil’s trust and eventually they kiss or whatever.

[goose-duck]

◇Master List◇

° I do take requests °

○●○●○●○●○

Master List 2

¤Creepypasta¤

¤Incorrect quotes

¤Incorrect quotes

☆Goofy Movie☆

☆Class Trip

☆Maxley

☆Maxley

☆Maxley

☆Maxley

☆designs

♧Ninjago♧

♧Jaya vibes

♧Lloyd is probably mildly disturbing to talk to

♧Summer pool party

♧Incorrect quotes

♡Mandela Catalogue♡

♡Sketches

♡Sketches

♡Don't leave me

♡My best friend

♡Stress and tests

♡Short scenarios (angst)

♡Texting

♡Texting

♡Incorrect quotes

♤One Piece♤

♤Cars are confusing

♤Two days before march break

♤Our World (pt.1)

♤Our World (pt.2)

♤Our World (pt.3)

♤Our World (pt.4)

♤Our World (pt.5)

!!Our World is continued in Master List 2!!

Link is at top of post

♤Killer figure

♤Perona fanart

♤Neon Pastel Perona fanart

♤Simplified Perona + alt outfits

♤Sabo fanart

♤Tired Luffy texting

♤Incorrect quotes

♤Incorrect quotes

♤Incorrect quotes

《Aphmau》

》My Little Brother

○Scrapped Stories○

○Black Eyes□Creepypasta/Eddsworld□

○Domestic Life□Creepypasta□

○Obscene Normality□Creepypasta□

■School Related Works■

■Artist Statement - Long Way Down

■Long Way Down Essay

■Ex Lover

●Startail Friends●(OC stuff)●

●Blanch Fournier●

▪︎ char design

●Meihui Liu●

●Amarin Wentzell●

●Raven Loch●

●Tae Choi●

●Arson Zhao●

▪︎ char design

●Aaron Clark●

●Hannah Boe●

●Chrystal Zon●

●Jamie Lowe●

▪︎●Skell Alba●▪︎

▪︎ char design

▪︎ Skell + Peri

▪︎●Silver Benko●▪︎

▪︎ char design

▪︎●Peri Nuno●▪︎

▪︎ char design

▪︎ Peri + Valorie

▪︎●Valorie Devich●▪︎

▪︎ char design

▪︎ child design

▪︎ Valorie + Peri

▪︎ og valorie design

▪︎●Goose Jackson●▪︎

▪︎ char design

▪︎ child design

▪︎●Jay Valentine●▪︎

▪︎ char design

▪︎ Jay + Rowen

▪︎ og Jay design

▪︎●Rowen Starr●▪︎

▪︎ char design

□Misc.□

!!Search jellyworm in tags for older content!!

□Yippee□ (art)

□sketches□

□art 🌟□

□Halloween□

□me□

□pose practice□

□silhouette□

□pfp full picture□

□XOXO□

□boys□

□siblings□

□love□

□lemon lady□

□two very normal guys□

□visual□

□variations□

□I see u□

□face?□

□old pfp□

□char.gooseduck□

□first post□

[sleepdeprivedsimp234]

~FTM gang (Texas, Loui, Mass, and Gov) quotes and sh*t cuz why tf not?~

@simpyfrog

=======================================================================================

Mass: *laying on his bed face down in a bundle of blankets and sobbing*

Loui: *comforting him* There there…. it’s gonna be aight sha 😅

Texas: *walks into Mass’s room* Ay Mass have you seen my- Oh my god what’s happening?! Why is Mass crying?! Who did it I swear to god-

Loui: Shh quiet down sha, he’s still a bit sensitive.

Mass: Dùin am f*ck suas Texas….(Shut the f*ck up Texas....)

Texas: *sits down next to them* Pfft- Well it seems like you’re fine enough to insult me in Gaelic. But what happened?

Loui: *whispers* Can I tell him?

Mass: Fine….but pls do it quickly….

Loui: Aight. How do I put this lightly….*sigh* Mass was reading a romance story and two of the characters didn’t end up together.

Mass, still crying: They were meant to be 😭 And then he just left her!!!

Texas: *tears up slightly* Omg that happened to me too which one was it-

=======================================================================================

Gov: You need to stop swearing so much. 


Mass: Shut the f(speaks Boston)k up. 


Gov: Yeah, that's not how you do it. 


Mass: Alright sorry. It's just that it's hard not to swear. The words just creep up on me when I least expect it. 


Gov: Now now, don't be like that. Just replace the swear words with 'beep' and you'll be fine. 


Mass: Sh*t the beep up. 


Gov: 


Mass: SHUT, D*MMIT! I MEANT SHUT!

==============================================================

Texas: I was put on this earth to do one thing. 


Texas: Luckily I forgot what it was so I can do whatever I want. *proceeds to give Kentucky a heart attack while trickriding*

==============================================================

Gov: Mass is amazing at concentrating. Once he starts reading, the only way he’ll notice you is if you take his book away. Not even if you hit him or shake him! 


Texas: I think that was him ignoring you.

==============================================================

Loui: Arson? Oh, you mean "crime brûlée".

Gov: Aight that’s it I’m calling CDC-

==============================================================

Mass: *trying to drag Gov out of his office* You need a hobby.


Gov: *trying to keep himself from getting dragged* I have a hobby! 


Mass: Overworking yourself when you’re on your period and in pain isn’t a hobby, nor is overworking yourself in general!! Now, C’MON-

==============================================================

Mass: You disgust me. 


Texas: *eating a kitkat sideways* I realize this and don’t care :)

==============================================================

(Back when the two of them were in college)

Texas: I think I did fairly well on my anatomy quiz! :) 


Mass: I forgot I was doing a test. 


Texas: Mass. 


Mass: I said the vertebrae was the back stick because I thought it was funny.... 


Texas: Mass-

==============================================================

Mass, grinning: I have a knife! 


Gov: Put it down, Mass. 


Mass: Make me! *sprints away*

==============================================================

Gov: *on his period and hunched over his desk whilst crying*

Mass: Oi Fed- What’s up with you?

Gov: *choking back a sob* Everything hurts Mass….

Mass: *walks over to him with a sympathetic look on his face (wow Mass has sympathy for someone 😮✨)* Do you want a hug?

Gov: Yes please 🥹

Mass: *hugs him close* There there…. You’re alright…. If you want we can go to a rage room later?

Gov: *happy pained noises*

==============================================================

Texas: You’re one of my best friends, I would do anything for you. 


Mass: I want ya to eat 3 meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule. 


Texas: Absolutely not. Plus, it’s not like you have any room to talk b*tch.

Mass: Touché.

==============================================================

Mass: Who hurt you? 


Texas: *snorting* What, do you want a list? 


Mass: ...Yes, actually.

==============================================================

Loui: Everyone thinks I'm this soft cute person but I'm not! 


Texas: Lou, you cried for an hour after stepping on a bug yesterday.

Loui: It had feelings! It was probably going home to dinner and I killed it! 


Gov: ...It was a bug.

Mass:Yea…


Loui: It was a BEETLE, and its wife is definitely worried sick, wondering where it is, and I really don't get why you all think I'm so sentimental because I'm not! 


Texas: ... 


Gov: ...

Mass: …


Loui: Stop looking at me like that!

==============================================================

Gov: Be right back, gonna hit the toilet for a quick power sob.

==============================================================

*Loui crying after his ex bf broke up with him*

Mass, comforting Loui with Gov: Where are you going? 


Texas: *grabs his gun* To either get ice cream or commit a felony. I'll decide on the way.

==============================================================

Texas: Advice of the day kids, if you ever meet someone who calls Gatorade flavors the actual name of the flavor instead of just the color then they are a certified nerd. 


Mass: Yeah but you have to specify, frost glacier or cool blue? You can’t just say blue because there’s more than one blue. 


Texas: Blue and light blue, nice try nerd.

Mass: You are just as much of a nerd as I am.

Texas: Oh yea? Prove it.

Mass: Ok, I will. What’re the names of all parts of the brain?

Texas: Oh um- the forebrain, the midbrain, and the hindbrain. The hindbrain includes the upper part of the spinal cord, the brain stem, and a wrinkled ball of tissue called the cerebellum :D

Mass: 😏

Texas: *realizes* Shut the fu-

==============================================================

Loui: I'm very scary. 


Gov: You're about as scary as a wet kitten. 


Loui: Wet kittens are cute, at least I've got that going for me. 


Gov: And small. 


Loui: 


Loui: ...Yeah, yeah. I guess.

==============================================================

Loui: Sometimes I like to place my hands on someone’s cheeks, look into their eyes... 


Loui: ...And violently jerk their head until it snaps. 


Gov: ...That took an unexpected turn. 


Mass and Texas at the same time: So did their neck :)

==============================================================

[loser-jpg]

MORE MALLEOYUU QUOTES BECAUSE IM INSANE FOR THEM

Maleus: Who ate my food? >:(

Maleus: Im going to ki-

Yuu: I did?

Maleus: -kiss you and buy you more you havent been eating enough Yuu.

Yuu: ...

Yuu: Hes gone now.

Leona, walking out of the closet, food stuffed in his mouth: thmks

Maleus: the printer broke while printing Kingscholars birthday invitations

Yuu: well what do they say?

Maleus: "Leonas bi"

Yuu: ...works either way.

Leona: did you take out Maleus like i said?

Yuu: Maleus has been taken out, yes.

Leona: great, i-

Yuu: it was a great restaurant

Yuu: we had a romantic candlelit diner

Yuu: Maleus proposed after were filing the wedding papers.

Leona: thats not what i-

Maleus: everyone calm down, were grown ups, lets deal with this like adults

Yuu: so were just going to wing it and hope for the best?

Maleus: obviously, now Leona pass the shovel

Yuu: ok, what does A stand for

Maleus: Arson

Yuu: aww so good, now whats B stand for

Maleus: Barson

Leona: *laughing*

Yuu: C?

Maleus: Commit arson

Leona: Ooooo good one

Yuu: D!

Maleus: Dont come near me, im going to commit arson.

Leona: *wheezes*

*Yuu sneezes*

Maleus: Yuu are you sick? Here let me wrap you in a warm blanket and hand feed you soup and sing you a lullaby <3

*Leona sneezes*

Maleus: Oh my god shut up.

dw mal loves leona they just refuse to show it to eachother 👍

this is why yuu needs to be here. hes the peace keeper. sorta.

[bluejaysandblackbats]

Ocean View

Fandom: Superfam, Batfam, DC Comics

Summary: A pair of shoes, a fragmented memory, and a collection of newspaper clippings.

An empty box of cigarettes, a second phone, and a beach house with locked rooms.

Chapters: 1/?

Characters: Laney Kent, Jason Todd, Clark Kent, Lois Lane, Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson, Chris Kent, Tim Drake

Relationship(s): JayLaney, Clois

Additional Tags: No Powers AU, No Capes AU, Secret Identity, Social Media, Romance, Angst

Chapter One: Allow Me To Introduce Myself

He forgot his shoes. I always thought it was weird that he left his shoes after our little one-night stand. But hey, I can't judge him because I kept them. It seemed like a waste to throw out such cool shoes. Besides, they looked brand new.

Sometimes I wear the shoes to clubs, wondering if he'll be there and he'll recognize me. It's unrealistic, but it gives me something new to daydream about. Then at night, I dream of him. I wake up gasping for air, my skin clinging to my sheets, and I feel him. He's on my lips, in my hair, and when I get the courage to face him, I open my eyes, and he's gone. I shower and rinse the thought of him down the drain. I couldn't remember what his name was. I know I'd called it out in the dark of my room, but I can barely remember anything from that time.

You see, I was in what I like to call, 'a shitty place'. Other people, like my parents, would say I was smack dab in the middle of a breakdown.

Fuck, I feel like I'm rambling. Anyway, it'd been almost six months since my one-night stand with the hydro-dipped shoe guy when I finally started working again. My mom came to check on me just as she did every morning.

You see, I work with my parents. For most people, that would be weird. For me, though, I just fade into the background and watch the Lois Lane-Kent and Clark Kent do what they do best.

My dad asked me to take pictures for him at a community event. I was a photographer, but I was just as driven as my mom. It frightened my dad. Not without reason, though. When I was sixteen, I ended up in the hospital for smoke inhalation after trying to get a picture of an apartment fire. My parents were horrified. I was so proud of the picture. That was all I cared about. I think that's the first time my dad ever yelled at me. The only other time he yelled at me was six months ago. Both times I burst into tears. But what else do you do when the kindest person you know screams at you?

My dad and I worked well together, but he worried about me. "Lane, stay close, okay?" he requested. I nodded and stood off to the side. He still walked on eggshells with me after everything happened. I knew he hated yelling at me, but I wished he would get over it.

The Waynes had an event in Metropolis, and since Bruce Wayne and my dad were friends, he wanted to give my dad a few quotes for an article. We got there early and beat the crowd, and Bruce and a handful of his kids came to greet us. "Hi, Lane, it's nice to see you again," Bruce smiled. I shook his hand and introduced myself to his kids.

Tim, the clever one. He was a little odd, but it was rumored that he'd be Bruce's successor someday. Dick was the one I was most familiar with. He used to babysit me whenever our dads hung out. Jason, the poster boy of Gotham in a derogatory sense. He'd been in trouble for arson and fights and breaking and entering, among other things, but I couldn't help but feel a sense of familiarity with him. When I got close enough to shake his hand, I could smell his cologne. It was something I'd smelt before, but it wasn't something you would smell on just anyone. "You can let go of my hand now," Jason leaned close and whispered in my ear.

He resumed his place in line with his family, and I went back to work as a photographer. Bruce Wayne and my father got along well, and Bruce's sons seemed to sort of kick back and do their own thing. "Lane, how's Christopher?" Dick asked. I looked up from my camera and smiled.

"Kit's alright. I haven't seen him in a little bit," I answered honestly. Dick frowned. He knew about my breakdown. I knew he did.

"How're you doing, Lane?" Dick asked. I raised my camera and took Dick's picture.

I sometimes used my camera as a wall between myself and other people. It was a bad habit that I had no intentions of breaking. "I'm okay... Thanks for visiting me when it was bad," I mumbled.

"Of course, I'm just glad you're alright—."

"Mind if I cut in, brother dear?" Jason asked as he grinned at me. Dick sighed.

"See you around, Lane," Dick waved.

I looked up at Jason, and he looked at me as if he knew something that I didn't. "What are you doing after this?" he asked. I furrowed my brows. "I'm not—. I mean, I am hitting on you, but I'm not trying to be a jerk about it."

I chewed my lip. I didn't go on dates. I didn't connect well with others, but I noticed a change in Jason's face after he asked. "I'm gonna go get a drink at Peppercorn down the street... If you're not leaving right after the ceremony, you can meet me there," I mumbled. I looked away from him and went back to my job.

"I'm kind of a lightweight," he smiled awkwardly. I nodded. I didn't think to smile back at him. I had my own idea about who Jason Todd-Wayne was, and from what I heard, I didn't like him. I only said yes to the date because our fathers were friends. "I've seen some of your work," Jason whispered, "I really liked the photo you took of that mother who applied a tourniquet to her son's leg when her ceiling collapsed on him. I cried when I saw it."

I wanted to call bullshit, but I remembered taking that picture. "When did you see that? I took that photo two years ago," I replied.

"Our dads are friends. I read everything your family posts, just in case I run into you guys at something like this," Jason replied. Jason chewed his lip before looking back at Bruce.

The ceremony started nearly an hour, and Bruce Wayne opened the community center. I took a few photos once we moved inside, and I sat on the sidelines while my dad did his job. I looked the pictures over before e-mailing them to my dad, and I left my stuff with him.

I walked to Peppercorn, and I sat at the bar. I got a hard cider and french fries. Jason took the seat next to me. "Peppercorn, so what do you usually drink here?" he questioned.

"Pear hard cider... I'll foot the bill if you order a cocktail. If you order a naughty one, I'll share my fries with you," I whispered in reply.

"Are the fries here good?" Jason asked. I nodded, trying to keep a straight face. "Fuck me hard, please." I pushed my face into his shoulder and laughed.

Jason nudged me with his forehead, and I smelled him again. His scent was hot and mature, like some sort of spice. Not cloves, no. The french fries came, and I didn't even notice. I lifted my head and made eye contact with him. "So, you remember me?" Jason asked. I heard him, but I wasn't listening. His cologne drove me crazy. Our lips touched, and his kiss set my body on fire. He bit my bottom lip, and I pulled away.

"You left your shoes at my apartment," I gasped. Jason nodded. I felt him like electricity in my body.

"Your fries are gonna get cold," Jason whispered.

I wanted to say, "Fuck the fries," and get out of there with him right then and there, but I turned away awkwardly and started eating.

Jason ate a few fries and took a gulp of his drink before choking. "Jeez, that's a strong drink," Jason grinned. He let out a breath before taking a few sips. "Fuck." He laughed, and I could tell that that was his limit.

"Want me to order you some bread?" I asked. Jason shook his head. "No shame in being a little tipsy."

"No, I'm fine. I just don't need anymore–." He laughed and went back to eating my fries. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have finished that drink so quick... I just didn't want–. I wanna go on a date sometime. A real date."

I nodded. "When you sober up, I'd like that. Now move, you're eating all my fries," I teased. Jason laughed and nodded. I wanted him so bad it drove me crazy. I'd dreamt about it almost every night since it happened.

"Okay, my dad has a beach house here that he never uses. I can come back on your day off, and we can spend the whole—. That sounds like I'm just trying—."

I handed him my phone. "Put your number in. I've got the weekend off," I interrupted. Jason nodded, and I ordered another round of fries. We finished eating, and I called Jason a cab and walked back to work.

I met my mom out front, and she looked me over. "Where'd you go?" Mom asked.

"I met somebody at Peppercorn," I replied, "Why? Am I in trouble or something?" Mom looked me in my eyes. "I'm not using. I had a cider at Peppercorn and some french fries. I'm even back at work on time."

Mom gave me a hug and a kiss. "Can you do dinner with the Waynes at our house?" she asked.

"Tonight?" I asked. Mom nodded. I chewed my lip. "Alright. Do you want me to bring anything?"

"Can you work your magic with your special hamburger pasta... For Christopher?" she requested. I knew what that meant. My little brother Christopher (or Kit) was the closest I'd ever gotten to having a real best friend. Hamburger pasta was what I made for him whenever he was upset. It was an 'are we okay?' dish.

I knew that he was upset with me. I nodded. "Yes, Mom, I can... You know that's not gonna fix what I did, right?" I reminded her. She nodded solemnly, and we went back inside. I suppose that was a talk for another time. She took me back inside, and we went to our workspaces.

[zealfruity]

Clones as Incorrect Quotes 2/2 Master Post (Domino Squad Lives AU and Fives+332nd Live AU version)

Unholy mixture of random generators, unsolved/ghost files banter, and things my friends have said

Mostly just headcanons following below

A few notes for these: Tup is NB he/they. Hardcase is genderfluid. Vaughn is agender they/them. Nax is a she/her. Jesse has no idea how any of this works, someone help him. Domino Squad Lives AU has the main blue boys interact with the 212th on a more personal level, so some of these involve a mix of the two groups. Every single character is having an existential crisis in the other AU. NO CLONESHIPPING HERE!

(Domino Squad Lives Fix-It AU):

Echo: Do you take constructive criticism?

Cutup: No, only cash or credit.

Waxer: The best part of an oreo is the cookie part, not the frosting. Deal with it.

Echo: Darkness without light is an abyss. Light without darkness is blinding. You cannot have a coin with one side.

Boil: YO SOCRATES! IT'S A FUCKING COOKIE!

*Everyone is playing a board game together*

Cutup: I will put 'A' down to make 'A'.

Droidbait: I will add onto your 'A' to make 'AT'.

Hevy: I will add onto your 'AT' to make 'RAT'

Echo: I will add onto your 'RAT' to make

'BIOSTRATAGRAPHIC’.

Hevy: *flips the board*

Cutup: *standing on a balcony and sneezes*

Fives: *standing on the roof* Bless you.

Cutup: God?!

Cutup: Get in loser, we're going shopping.

Droidbait: This is a McDonald's drive thru.

Nax: Arson? Oh, you mean "crime brûlée".

Wooley: I need life advice.

Cutup, sipping Gatorade and eating cookie dough: You came to the right person.

Fives: *coughs blood*

Droidbait: Don't die, Fives!

Fives: Don't tell me what to do!

Cutup: I'm not mean. Name one mean thing I've ever done.

Droidbait: When we were younger, you convinced me eggs weren't real.

Cutup: They're not.

Droidbait: Haha, very funny.

Cutup: I'm serious. Didn't you hear?

Droidbait: No... what happened?

Cutup: …Why would you fall for this again-

Shapeshifter: *transforms to look like Cutup*

Cutup: Okay, are you like BLIND? You look nothing like me. First off, I'm way taller. Secondly, I DO NOT look so sleep deprived and lastly, if you could drag comb through that hair you're like a 7 on a good day and I've been told I'm a constant 10.

Droidbait: Quitting! It's like trying, but easier.

Hevy: I like to play this game called nap roulette. I take a nap and don't set an alarm. Will it be 20 min or 4 hours? Nobody knows. It's risky and I like it.

Cutup: Hello friends!

His Squad:

Cutup: You might be wondering why I'm stuck to the ceiling

Cutup: You're mean!

Droidbait: You're meaner!

Cutup: Yeah, well, you're ugly too!

Droidbait: You're uglier!

Cutup: You're a dumbass!

Droidbait: You're a dumberass!

Cutup: You think "dumberass" is a good insult!

*Cutup and Hevy are planning to break in somewhere*

Cutup: We need to distract the guards.

Hevy: Right.

Cutup: What are we gonna do?

Hevy: I'm gonna break their elbows while you poke their eyes.

Cutup:

Hevy:

Cutup: Deal.

Nax: Hey, DB! Did you know you’re my BFFLWYLION?

Droidbait: What the hell is that supposed to mean?

Nax: Best Friend For Life Whether You Like It Or Not.

Droidbait:

Droidbait: That’s one way to say it, I guess…

Wooley: I am strong! I beat Droidbait at arm wrestling!

Hevy: Anyone can beat Droidbait at arm wrestling!

Droidbait: Hey-

*Cutup sends more than 5 messages in a row*

Hevy: I ain’t reading all that.

Hevy: I’m happy for you tho.

Hevy: Or sorry that happened.

Cutup, to Wooley: You know, Hevy can be really aggressive, so it's important to take all the necessary precautions when approaching.

Cutup: *blows airhorn at Hevy* GET FUCKED!

Hevy: *Posts a super low-quality image to the group chat*

Cutup: If I had a dollar for every pixel in this image, I’d have 15 cents.

Hevy: If I had a dollar for every ounce of rage I felt in my body after I read this text, I would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you.

Jesse: Actually I did the math, Cutup would have $225, not $0.15.

Cutup: Fam I’m right here....

Wooley: If I had a dollar I would buy a can of soda :)

Tup: while you’re there could you buy me an apply juice please?

Wooley: Sorry I only have a dollar.

Tup: :(

Jesse: Hey I just realized my friend is right, Echo would have $22,500 because it's a dollar for every pixel, not a cent.

Wooley: If I had $22,500 I would buy a can of soda and an apply juice.

Jesse: You can buy anything you want with $22,500.

Fives: Yeah and he wants soda and apply juice.

Echo: Apply juice to what.

Fives: Directly to the forehead.

Rex: Great chat everyone.

Droidbait, opening a Capri Sun: Guess I'll drink my sorrows away.

Echo: Time for plan G.

Wooley: Don’t you mean plan B?

Echo: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.

Droidbait: What about plan D?

Echo: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.

Tup: What about plan E?

Echo: I’m hoping not to use it. Cutup dies in plan E.

Boil: I like plan E.

Oddball: Are we really going to let Hevy keep Beam?

Cody: We kept Cutup.

Kix: Someone’s trying to break in. Call the cops!

Droidbait: *loads shotgun* I got this.

Kix: Last week you fell up the stairs, what do you mean-

The poor Jedi that got Cutup assigned to them after the war: I assume you realize that this kind of idiocy will not be tolerated in this Order.

Cutup: Is there any kind of idiocy you would be more comfortable with?

*At the police station*

Denal: Hi, I’m here for Domino Squad.

Corrie guard: Who’s Domino Squad?

Denal: Ah, you must be new.

Fox: What has the galaxy ever done for you?! Why would you wanna save it?!

Jesse: Cause I’m one of the idiots who lives in it!

Hevy: How does that even work?

Droidbait, mocking him: hOw dO yOu UsE a cOmPUteR aNd KnOw wHaTS GoiNg oN iT DoEsNt mAke SeNSe?!

Hevy: Your face doesn't make sense.

Cody, to Trapper: If you see Cutup, give him this message *makes a neutral face*

Cody: He’ll know what it means.

*later*

Trapper: oh, and Cody said to give you a message.

Trapper: *makes a neutral face*

Cutup: Oh no. The neutral face of displeasure.

Hairdresser: How would you like your hair cut?

Fives: Preferably with scissors, but a sword could be badass.

Longshot: If you don't stop talking, I'm going to jump out of that window.

Cutup: ...We're on the ground floor.

Longshot: I know but I want a dramatic exit.

Hevy: I have no respect for Santa. Don’t sneak in through the chimney and undermine my authority by bringing my family presents. Walk in through the front door and fight me like a man.

Denal: What do you call disobeying the law?

Domino Squad: A hobby.

Denal: *crosses his arms*

Domino Squad: That we do not engage in.

Droidbait to Tup: First rule of battle, vod’ika... don’t ever let them know where you are.

Hardcase, shooting out of frame: WHOO-HOO! I’M RIGHT HERE! I’M RIGHT HERE! YOU WANT SOME O’ ME?! YEAH YOU DO! COME ON! COME ON! AAAAAH! Whoo-hoo!

Droidbait: 'Course, there’re other schools of thought.

Hevy: Really love that airports have to specify that you're NOT allowed grenades. Like damn there go my traveling plans

Droidbait: Ideally we get down there and Cutup’s just dead. And then we can end the mission, and I can go home. Obviously very sad, thoughts and prayers, but... I don't have to go down there, then. So... *weighs options between his hands* Lose brother, don't have to go in the tunnel. I think it comes out to be a wash, to be honest, so…

Hevy, about possibly getting too beefy for the armor: Regulations won’t look as good as my thighs will so they aren't valid.

Fives+332nd Live AU (possible official titles include Bones In The Ocean AU and Resistance Leaders AU, I’m workshopping it rn)

*The squad has just arrived in a new city. Fives looks around at the wanted posters to see if he’s on any of them.*

Omega: Fives, are you a criminal?

Fives: Not here, I'm not!

Rex: Uuh, watcha got there?

Fives, with a lightsaber: A smoothie.

Fives: Damn, Tech, are you secretly cool?

Tech: Well, poker is just math, so I guess it depends on if you consider the mathematician, Carl Friedrich Gauss, cool.

Fives: I do not.

Ahsoka, texting CF99: Want to help me murder someone?

Echo: Sure who we hitting?

Ahsoka: someone who looks evil

Some guy: What am I supposed to do?

Bounty Hunter Fives: If I were you? I’d try and make peace with whatever deity, pantheon, or Divine Other you believe in.

Some guy: I’m an atheist.

Fives: Then just get ready to die I guess.

Fives: So, are you two friends?

Omega: Yes.

Crosshair: No.

Fives: Hello Crosshair, made anyone cry today?

Crosshair: Sadly, no. But it’s only 4:30.

Fives: If you put a milkshake in one yard and crack open a cold one in another yard, which yard would the boys go to?

Echo: Schrödinger's boys.

Crosshair: FUCK!

Wrecker: What about cracking open a cold milkshake?

Tech: As we all know, the milkshake brings the boys to the yard. The presence of the boys is a prerequisite for the cracking open of a cold one, but cold ones do not have any inherent boy-attracting abilities. Milkshakes, however, do.

Tech: All else being equal, the boys would proceed to the milkshake yard. While it is possible to announce the presence of cold ones in the hope of attracting some boys, the pull of the milkshake is much more powerful by comparison.

Fives: ...

Echo: ...

Crosshair: ...

Wrecker: ...

Tech: Mind you, all of this nonsense hinges on whether or not the boys are back in town.

Fives: It’s impossible to make a sentence without using the letter a.

Tech: Despite your thinking, it is quite possible, yet difficult, to form one without the specific letter. Here’s one more to further disprove your theory.

Fives: Fuck you.

The self-taught medic with no license in the lower levels: Fives’ a 10 but that's all we know about him.

Kix: Bottling up negative emotions is bad for your health, so you shouldn't do it.

Ahsoka: I know, that's why I bottle up all my emotions, both positive and negative, so it cancels out.

Kix: Th-that's not how that works-

Fives, to the BB: The real secret to immortality? Not dying. You want to be immortal? Okay, that’s easy. Just don’t die. That’s it. Refuse to die. There you go.

Tech: But how-

Fives, ignoring him: “But how”, you may ask. Well, easy. Just don’t do it. Refuse to. Say “no thanks”.

Echo: *nods sagely*

All of them: If I can't cause tiny bits of chaos every day, I think my body will shut down.

Fives: FIGHT ME, YOU NERD ASS SLUT!

Tech: At least try to sound slightly more sophisticated when you threaten someone.

Fives: Oh, I'm sorry. I should ask; dost thou want to engage in a duel, my good bitch?

Tech: Somehow that's worse.

Rex: Think you can answer some questions without the usual level of sarcasm?

Crosshair: If you can ask the questions without the usual level of stupid.

Hunter: Didn't you die?

Fives: That was months ago, dude. Things change.

Omega: A mosquito tried to bite me and I slapped it and killed it.

Omega: And I started thinking.

Omega: Like, it was just trying to get food.

Omega: What if I went to the fridge and it just slammed the door shut and snapped my neck?

Hunter: Are you ok?

Jesse 5 months into Resistance work: You know I think my life has value.

Wrecker: Who are you and what have you done with Jesse?!

Fives: I'm so sad woa woa womp womp.

Echo: I am tired of fighting my own demons, give me physical ones.

Fives, months into being on the run: I’d kill to go absolutely ham on a dexter-grade hamburgussy.

Echo: Nothing wrong with a little government overthrowing in the sake of friendship.

Wrecker: Aw you little reg guy.

Dogma: Shut up do not call me that.

Omega: Gentleman ori’vod.

Dogma: Stop I am a STRANGER who is RUDE!

Echo after Fives tells him that he tried to assassinate Palpatine: Yeah I think fighting the Chancellor’s a pretty good way to get labeled a traitor.