#body harm tw

[zephyrine-gale]

personal headcanon blade's scars

he's been thru some stuff and I think it should show

[ssavinggrace]

it hits my head and I feel wrong.

my body's looking wrong.

my body's looking wrong.

MY BODY'S LOOKING WRONG.

[ylvasart]

Nyyshi

Last pic is based on the aftermath of or before this pic:

[flaurosin]

Unfortunately feel that this pic will take too long to render so here is the sketch! Raphaniel making some crypt visits

[basilcatchup]

Tap water💧

[saikyo-rat]

omg Chang nooooo

[fantasywritten]

@extraordinarygrrls (continued from here)

FUCK. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Peter was panicking, even more so than when he was in the water cube trap, which was meant to be completely inescapable. From the small television in the corner of the room, Peter knew damn well this was meant to be escaped from. And yet, he was panicking MORE. He knew exactly why — ABBY WAS HERE, which meant SHE was in danger, too. God, he was going to kick Hoffman’s ass when he got out of this.

He managed to stop yelling and trying to escape once she shouted at him. Letting out a shaky breath, Peter gripped the armrests of the chair with his hands; it was the only way he felt he had SOME SENSE OF CONTROL. He despised feeling out of control.

His attention snapped to the television when it suddenly flashed with a loud noise. That goddamn puppet, the same one that had killed Perez, appeared on the screen, distorted voice playing:

“HELLO, Abby. I want to play a game. Ever since I started my work, you have been there to study the victims. You have cut open every body. Now, I ask you: will you cut open the body of the man you adore? The device on Agent Strahm’s head is the same one you’ve seen before — the death mask. In sixty seconds, the mask will close, and Agent Strahm will die. There is only one key to open the device. It’s located inside the agent’s abdomen. Don’t worry, it’s not deep. There is also a button, located on the box that contains the scalpel you are so accustomed to using. If you press it, the box will open, and you will be able to obtain the key. The door will also open, leading to your freedom, but this button will simultaneously start the sixty second spring timer on Agent Strahm’s death mask. Live or die, Abby — you make the choice.”

There was complete silence after the screen went black. The timer appeared — sixty seconds, but there was no ticking; it had yet to start. Peter wanted to fucking SCREAM, but he knew better than to panic when Abby was in the room with him. He took a few deep breaths, making sure to stay as still as he could before finally speaking. “You said you pried this off a man’s head. HOW? Could you do it without tools?” God knows there were no tools to help them in that room — none other than what Hoffman had given them.

“If not, you’re going to have to…” Strahm grimaced at the thought of it. SIXTY SECONDS WASN’T LONG ENOUGH to cut open a body, let alone the body of a conscious, alive man, let alone to FIND A KEY. “Try the door.” Obviously, it would be locked, but if she could somehow get it open, they could avoid this altogether. And yet, Strahm could feel that familiar rage building up inside of him. He couldn’t control it this time.

“God FUCKING DAMMIT!” It was impossible to stay calm right now. Slamming his fists against the arms of the chair didn’t do much, since he was strapped in so tightly, but he did it, anyway. “If you’re watching this, Hoffman, you’re FUCKING DEAD! YOU HEAR ME? FUCKING DEAD!”

[acorviart]

don't show your back

(saw a rabbit a while ago with a fresh wound on its back that left its spine exposed, but the rabbit was hopping around acting normal. thought it was kind of wild)

[wis-art]

Lucy celebrating her 31st birthday!

(I am manifesting getting to live to 30 as a trans woman)

[stargazingshroud]

Ortho is highly self conscious about himself. Not in general appearance, but in relation to his injury. He has no problem letting others know about his prosthetic or show it off, as it’s part of the craftsmanship his brother has, but it’s everything else.

He never changes in front of others, hardly in the presence of Idia. Ortho doesn’t even wear short sleeve shirts or too low collars to reveal the scars he has. He’s not ashamed of them, but he doesn’t like them on display, or gain sympathy from others or even be inquired about them. He doesn’t even like looking at himself in the mirror. Not because how bad they are But from how guilty he feels for his brother.

however if ortho trusts someone completely, he’ll let them see his injuries. He hasn’t shown anyone them yet (because there wasn’t anyone to show them to.) This also coincides with touch. Ortho is a friendly fellow and likes physical contact but he’s hesitant with hugs - or rather ones that last than a few seconds. That part is more so in case of pain.

his scarring is rather large ranged from the attack. Thick lines start from the bottom of his chin and extends down to his hip, and most of his left side has scarring. A majority is centered around his chest where his heart is. To him it’s a neat pattern, almost like a lightning strike.

[balarai]

Cannibalism and specific graphic bodily harm is such a major squick of mine, especially linked to by blorbos.

Like I clicked into a fic rec that had involuntary cannibalism and I felt so sick...my whole body kinda revolted from the idea and my fingers felt weird in that "bad texture" sort of way. No judgement for those who love the trope in fiction but it is not for me.

I think this ties back to my general squeamishness, I am hyper aware of things that are supposed to be human being cut or ripped and it feels like it is happening to me... Before harry potter became a terf calling card, whenever I read the 5th book with the must not tell lies sections being carved into Harry's skin? My arm used to tingle and feel so sensitive and my whole body was kinda repelled. I had to skip the section cause it was just unbearable.

[bloodyrosesnthorns]

I'm sorry mom.

[dzknik]

the new statements are driving me insane

[trans-axolotl]

my gendered experience growing up as an intersex person was overwhelmingly defined by my responses and resistance to everything that got me labeled as a failure: failure to quickly get a gender assigned at birth, failure to go through a normal puberty and grow up into a woman, failure at meeting the standards for "complete womanhood" because of my intersex sex traits, and yet simultaneously failing to ever be acknowledged as a "real man" and being treated as a threat when I expressed I wanted to transition.

before i realized i was a man and came out as trans, the ways that girlhood was denied to me was very often humiliating and painful. locker rooms filled with other girls were a frequent source of shame. there were many big and small ways that i was told that my intersex body made me insufficient, incomplete, broken. i was forced onto estrogen, forced into shaving my body hair, and was constantly being told to change myself to better fit this mystical idea of a "normal woman." and even though I ultimately ended up becoming a man, the denial of girlhood was painful.

but i think that these things would have been even more difficult to navigate as an intersex girl if on top of everything I already said, i was having to cope with the denial of my girlhood while i was forced into boys locker rooms. if my doctors were forcing me onto testosterone hrt and refusing to even discuss estrogen, if all my legal paperwork had "M" on it and was a logistical nightmare to change, if every support group for my intersex variation labeled it as a "men's support group," if the LGBTQ community spaces i tried to join were misogynistic towards me often to the point of exile, if my self determination as an intersex girl was denied in most spaces of my life, and on and on and on. while listing all these things out i also don't want to make it seem like it's all about suffering and pain--so much of transition for me has been about joy in my self determination and how much it feels like a reclamation of autonomy to decide what I want my body and self to be like--i know this is an experience i share with so many of my trans intersex friends.

as an person who was AFAB, although there were many ways that trying to grow up as an intersex girl were a painful, logistical nightmare, many times and places that i was excluded from woman's spaces, etc. however, there was a simultaneous affirmation that i was right to strive for that in the first place. which is logic rooted in some fucked up compulsory dyadism, but also which would have made some things slightly easier or even possible at all if i had wanted to embrace being an intersex girl within this fucked up system.

pretty much every time i've seen people on tumblr talking about "afab transfems" in an intersex context, people seem happy to collapse these experiences and act like there's no meaningful distinction or point in distinguishing between different types of intersex embodiment. it seems incredibly extractive, to be perfectly honest with you--taking terms already used by a community to make meaning of their experiences and to expand and dilute that term enough that it means something pretty different than the original.

it's making me think about the concept of epistemic injustice, which is a term coined by Miranda Fricker to describe oppression related to knowledge, communication, and making meaning of the world. There's two subtypes of epistemic injustice: testimonial injustice and hermeneutical injustice. Testimonial injustice refers to the dynamic where marginalized people are labeled as not credible, excluded from conversations, and their testimony and knowledge is labeled as unreliable, even when they're the ones who are experts and have first hand experience of what people are talking about. (this is why i probably won't make this post rebloggable--i've noticed this pattern on tumblr many times where trans men speaking about transmisogyny get lots of notes and are given a lot of grace, where trans women are silenced, attacked for not having perfect wording, and otherwise delegitimized.)

the second type is called hermeneutical injustice. it describes how marginalized people are denied the right to make sense of the experiences in their own lives. this can look like preventing people from building community, terminology, a political understanding of themselves, and the interpretive resources needed to process how you live in the world.

this is a form of injustice that I think almost all intersex people are very familiar with--we are denied community and interpretive resources to the point that we're told we don't even exist, that intersex isn't a real word, and so many more examples that leave us isolated and with very few options for understanding what we're collectively experiencing. as an intersex person i really intimately understand how frustrating, confusing, and painful it is to not have words for your experiences, your identity, your life.

so it makes me really sad and pissed off when it seems like intersex people seem to be replicating this exact same type of epistemic injustice towards transfems and specifically towards intersex transfems. pretty much every time recently i see people talking about "afab transfems" they're doing so in a way that seems to deny that trans women even have the right to make sense of their own experiences in the world. there seems to be this mindset that these political frameworks, these interpretive resources that transfems have built up are just up for grabs for anyone. and then on top of that has come with it a lot of cruel, hateful language and direct attacks towards many intersex transfems who are facing so much harassment right now.

an important value to me is this idea of reciprocity as a foundation for solidarity. to me reciprocity means that we're prioritizing the ways we care for each other, we're thinking about how we can uplift each other, and we're watching out for extractive or exploitative patterns where one group is constantly expected to be in "solidarity" with another group without getting the same respect and care back toward them. i think that there could be so many ways that intersex people of all genders could share our overlapping experiences and actually be in true, meaningful solidarity with each other, but i barely ever actually see that happen on tumblr. and that pisses me off, because i do think that there's so much we have in common that we could celebrate and support each other with. i feel so much kinship with so, so many of my trans intersex friends, and ways where i see our lives converge. but i don't think that can happen in an environment where there's no acknowledgment of the ways that our experiences will sometimes (often) differ from each other, and the ways that we have unique needs.

another frustration i've had based on this most recent couple months of transmisogynistic intersex posting on tumblr is how intersex people have been mostly ignoring intersex community resources and devaluing the existing intersex terminology that people created to try to meet our needs. so much of what i've seen people describing on tumblr seems to really line up with the term ipsogender. Ipsogender is a term coined by an intersex sociologist Cary Gabriel Costello, and is used to describe intersex people whose gender matches the gender they were medically assigned at birth, but who might not feel like cis or trans fits them, might experience dysphoria, and who might feel like they've ended up transitioning medically or socially in some ways. this is a word that exists that an intersex person put time into coining because they wanted other intersex people to feel seen, embraced, and have ways of understanding themselves and communicating to others, and that's something that's super meaningful to me! and yet, i've rarely seen anyone reference it, and also seen multiple people making fun of it in other spaces online.

there's also intergender, which is another intersex specific gender term used to describe when your gender is inseparable from your intersex traits, and that your intersex identity is intertwined with your gender identity in some way. some people just identify as intergender, others use it as an adjective and exist as an intergender man or woman. intersex terminology like this is really important to me, especially because we're so often denied the right to make sense of our own experiences.

i think ultimately what i wanted to say with this post is just that when i think about intersex community, some of the most important values of intersex community for me are solidarity, care for each other, and affirming our right to define our own existence. and i don't think that can happen in a community where people are acting in extractive ways, harassing and attacking their fellow community members, and being dismissive of the realities of other intersex people's lives.

[worthless-misery]

Dear diary...

I wish I could just get rid of this body.

It's just disgusting.

I just want to disappear.

[incognitopolls]

Anon compulsively tweezes their body hair and picks at scabs/pimples/etc, sometimes until they bleed. They do this because of an autistic obsession with removing unwanted textures from their body.

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