#bruce wayne and his serial adoption tendencies

[thisiswhereikeepdcthings]

I think it’d be really funny to play with timelines just enough so that Jason, after dying and undying or whatever, comes back to Gotham only to see not only Batman having gained like four more kids, but at least half the justice league have a bunch more kids as well.

Batman’s adoption problem isn’t just genetic, it’s contagious and there are so many time travel/dimension shenanigans to work through here, as well as an unsettling number of secret bio kids, and Jason is one more “wait, where did they come from” away from tearing out his hair so he finally decides the rest of his plan can wait. He needs answers.

He’s not going to go ask Batman for anything, obviously, so someone else will have to do. There are many great potential options here, but my pick? Hal Jordan.

Just Jason going to Hal because Batman would never look for him there and Hal wondering how he went from discovering Gotham’s Red Hood in his kitchen to explaining the family structures of the entire Justice League to Batman’s not-so-dead son.

[mang0streams]

The Bat-Fam and their eating habits:

Bruce: he was a picky eater as a kid, but has grown to have a more expensive and refined taste. He will eat almost anything, but he prefers Alfred’s cooking

Dick: He will also eat almost anything that’s in front of him, but he always goes to the same two restaurants in Blüdhaven like 4 night’s in a row. He too prefers Alfred’s cooking.

Babs: she’s one of those people who asks what’s for dinner ahead of time so that she can decide for herself whether or not she wants to eat with the family, or fend for herself. She’s a pretty good cook, so she only really cooks the food she likes.

Jason: He was never a picky eater, but he always ate A LOT. Especially after his death, he got bigger and taller and now he eats twice as much as the others at the table. He hates eating vegetables though, but he will only eat them if Alfred makes them.

Tim: Tim is notorious for skipping meals and forgetting to eat, and the family has to constantly remind him that coffee isn’t food. He rarely ever picks over his food, but he doesn’t have the biggest appetite.

Steph: She’s definitely a picky eater. She hates vegetables, but LOVES meat. She’s also notorious for going to the same few restaurants and ordering the same thing over and over.

Cass: She isn’t picky at all. Like Jason, she eats a lot, but she will eat anything.

Damian: He’s a vegetarian, and inherited Bruce’s expensive tastes, but he will only eat Alfred’s cooking. He picks over everything else.

(P.S. feel free to leave requests!)

[ilyalljasonsandnon-jasonsthesame]

Bruce crying because of these kids’ sad story

Bruce immediately taking them home and checking on them every 5 minutes!!! This man has serious baby fever, like, tell me he wouldn’t have kept them hadn’t they had a relative.

Also, “not wayward children” lol. Better get used to it, Alfred.

[violetbumblebea]

Bruce looks at the superhero Captain Marvel and asks "Is anyone going to adopt this?" and doesn't wait for an answer

[itboyzhongli]

people are always talking about batman v. spiderman…as if bruce wouldn’t take one look at this orphaned high-school kid and immediately bring him home to the manor

[ao3feed-brucewayne]

Little Baby Man in Big Gotham City

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/izow2Jg

by MiniOsprey

Danny finds himself shrunk, without his powers and running on ghost instinct in Gotham.

Damian finds he may have inherited his father's serial adopter tendencies.

Featuring Danny as Little Baby Man

Words: 393, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Danny Phantom, Batman - All Media Types

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: Gen

Characters: Danny Fenton, Damian Wayne, Jason Todd, Bruce Wayne

Relationships: Danny Fenton & Damian Wayne

Additional Tags: Featuring Danny as, little baby man

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/izow2Jg

[citris-runaway]

We need a batfam sitcom

Part 2

•Damian slowly getting taller than Tim

•A giant fight going on between Damian and Tim, then Dick and Duke trying to break it up, while Jason, Cass, and Steph betting on whose going to win. Alfred just being done with them in the corner while sipping tea and eventually Bruce comes to join him.

•All-bat patrol

•The house being quiet so Bruce gets suspicious(it happens in large families, it does; I have 7 siblings)

•Chaotic Galas!!!

•Tim getting his drivers license

•it starts to seem there’s a bat-birthday every other week

•Jason’s place being sort of a safe haven so if one of them gets in a fight with Bruce they crash at Jay’s for the night.

•Dick having nicknames for everyone (Casserole, Redjay, Timmy Turner, Alfredo, The Duke, lil D, Step.

Feel free to add on…

[baambastic]

[thisiswhereikeepdcthings]

Jason: Hey, B? Remember when I was nineteen and just starting to reconcile with the family?

Bruce: Yeah?

Jason: And I kept yelling about you somehow getting two kids while I was out of the picture, and you said you didnt get a say in it?

Bruce: I remember, yes.

Jason, with eight+ children super gluing themselves to him: I understand now.

Damian is sitting there watching this entire interaction and judging both of them so hard

Also he WILL be the best uncle, he’s going to make sure of it

[thisiswhereikeepdcthings]

Bruce, not ready to wake up: Just five more…

Tim, bored, irritated, and sensing an opportunity to sow the seeds of chaos:

Tim: *races into the kitchen*

Tim: You guys will never believe what Bruce just said!

Damian: Well?

Duke: What did he say?

Steph: You can’t leave us hanging like that.

Tim: He said five MORE.

*collective gasp*

Steph: I had better not be one of those five.

Damian: Why does Father get to adopt five more children and I can not adopt five more cats? Cats are much easier to care for than people.

Tim, shrugging: I’m sure he’d be fine with it.

[thisiswhereikeepdcthings]

Okay so the bat kids being adopted by other JL members? Great. HOWEVER. I raise you Bruce, in retaliation, trying to adopt everyone else's kid (to varying results)

Adopting Kon was going to be a breeze but then he and Tim wanted to date of all things so that plan was out.

He knows he successfully adopted both Wally and Bart before one of Barry’s time-travel speed runs but no one believes him and he’s still not sure how Barry managed that.

Kara consented to being adopted but refused to live in Gotham.

Roy refused to sign the papers but did come live with them for a while so a win’s a win.

He actually got so close with Connor, to everyone’s surprise. Didn’t manage to go all the way through with it though.

Mia just texted him and said “not gonna happen.”

He did become one of Kyle’s legal guardians for a bit, but adoption wasn’t an option.

He’s never gotten anywhere close to adopting any of the Atlanteans.

Billy got adopted. Constantine hangs out at his home way too much now but it’s worth it.

Raven got adopted. See above.

The Amazons all just look at him until he gives up.

[thisiswhereikeepdcthings]

Bruce: I would love to adopt you, Billy.

Billy: Uh-huh. No can do, grandpa.

Bruce: *cue internal panic*

Later

Bruce: I can’t believe you adopted Billy and didn’t tell me!

Jason, who has literally no idea what Bruce is talking about: Wha-

Bruce: I had to find out by him calling me grandpa!

Jason, pretty sure Billy was just calling Bruce old: Oh, well, uh…

Bruce: I have a grandchild now! I had to dig out all my worlds best grandpa shirts from the attic!

Jason: Why do you have grandpa shirts in the attic?

Bruce: Eh, Dick’s early twenties were an adventure. Anyway-

Jason, seeing the opportunity to cause chaos: Well, it’s pretty new…

Later

Jason: Okay, so sign here please.

Billy: *eyes adoption papers skeptically*

John: Do it.

Billy: Huh?

John: It’ll be bloody hilarious.

Billy: Yeah, okay.

[thisiswhereikeepdcthings]

Bruce: Wow, being a grandfather is so much more rewarding than I ever thought it would be. This is so amazing. But... it could be better...

*four hours later*

Dick: Anyone know why Bruce keeps slipping "Beginner's Guide To Adoption" into my bag?

Tim: That's nothing. He won't stop suggesting that Bernard and I look into surrogacy. We're not even engaged yet!

Damian, under his breath: Yet?

Steph: He offered me a million dollars if I convinced one of you to settle down and have kids. And I'm absolutely taking credit for the most recent addition.

Cass with her newly stolen adopted daughter: >:3 join us

(Daughter is named Kida, after the character from Atlantis The Lost Empire. She's an orphan that Cass found in the sewers. She can unhinge her jaw like a snake and enjoys knitting.)

A few months later some member of the JL shows up and wonders why Bruce has so many kids running around.

Is it time for another intervention?

[thisiswhereikeepdcthings]

Batkids using Bruce adopting tendencies at a threat to other heros

Batkid: I have blank, signed adoption papers and I am not afraid to use them.

[thisiswhereikeepdcthings]

Sunday Brunch has a few unexpected participants

@batfamilyweek

[thisiswhereikeepdcthings]

3 generations from now theres gonna be like 30 vigilantes in Gotham running around

Bold of you to assume that’s all there’s gonna be