#but im too tired to fight with perspective

[definitely-jax]

[planet4546b]

gah whatever cant finish the last mission tonight. anyways i really really love caitals role in lf.......i wish she was in it a tiny bit more but its SO good

[gatorbites-imagines]

Poly ghostface comfort cuddles? Maybe m/n is having body dysmorphia or got into a fight with their parent(s)? have a lovely day/afternoon/night luv! ( *ˊᵕˋ* )

Billy Loomis x Male reader x Stu Macher

Headcanons

Who would have thought that getting closer to graduation would be so exhausting, but the train must keep chugging. Im not sure I showed body dysmorphia correctly, but I tried my best based on my understanding of it.

Not super long, but I hope it’s still enjoyable.

The lack of gifs of these two together is starting to tire me out.

Stu or Billys place would be the usual place you three hang out, so you showing up at Stus door wouldn’t be anything new or strange. But the fact that you looked near tears would put your normally goofy and loud lover on edge.

You would be wearing multiple layers, a sweater, a hoodie, and a jacket on top of that, just so you didn’t have to perceive yourself in any way. Just seeing your own reflection in the glass was enough to make you wanna curl in on yourself and disappear.

Billy would already be there as Stu pulled you inside, the two of them having probably been watching another trashy horror flick, or going over whatever plans they had for running around at night as Ghostface.

Billy may have always been the more perspective out of you three, but Stu wasn’t stupid. He could easily tell what the issue was when you struggled to even pull your jacket off, and the way you were hugging yourself only proved it further.

Hearing Stus worried tone as he spoke to you got Billy to emerge from wherever the two had been hanging out before, a worried furrow appearing on his face as his brows furrow. As Billy joins you two to check on you, Billy and Stu have something akin to a silent conversation with their eyes, both already knowing what to do.

So as Stu keeps you distracted with his doting and kissing, trying to keep your mind off how uncomfortable you feel in your own body and just existing in general, Billy will hurry up into Stus room to get everything ready.

And by getting ready, I mean getting rid or just covering the few mirrors Stu has, pulling the blinds down and turning off the lights, as well as setting up blankets and pillows to make the king sized bed Stu most definitely has more comfortable.

Stu is so good at keeping you distracted that you don’t even notice hes gotten you up the stairs and to his room until you guys are already there. There, Billy is already ready for you guys to join him on the bed. Hes most likely thrown his shirt off to the side somewhere along with his shoes, and now he’s waiting for you to crawl into his arms.

Neither of them make demands for you to take all your layers off, even as Stu crawls up behind you to hold you from behind, his arms wrapping around both you and Billy. They know commenting about it could just make it worse, so instead they just talk about everything under the sun, letting you settle down and take it at your own pace.

Turning the lights down and keeping in the dark helps you feel like seen, which makes it easier to peel some of your layers off when it starts to get way too hot between the two of them and under the blankets.

Billy being Billy would also find some way to sneak in comments to help you feel less ugly or uncomfortable, as he has a way of just saying stuff and making it feel like a fact. Stu being as excitable and energetic as he is would just gush about how much he likes you, without commenting about your looks. But they wouldn’t outright bring it up, since it could just worsen your state.

They would take it at your pace, letting you take all the time you need, but they would also make sure you don’t hurt or judge yourself too much, keeping your mind off what’s been bothering you until it isn’t weighing on you as much, or you are able to come out of your comfort zone.

[thedemonsurfer]

im procrastinating again so im gonna talk about SAMS Eclipse, and more specifically why he didn't anticipate Lunar betraying him

Cos like, from an outside perspective it's a logical progression, right? Eclipse acted nice(ish) at first, told Lunar what he thought would make Lunar agree to help. As he got more frustrated about the lack of progress, he started taking it out on Lunar, who as a result started leaning on Monty as someone that was still being nice to him. That culminated in Eclipse and Lunar's fight, where Lunar said 'fuck this I'm out' and swapped with Moon.

(Honestly? I don't know if Eclipse ever meant to reset the universe to make everything 'better', or if that was just what he thought Lunar would accept as a long-term goal)

So it seems weird that Eclipse never saw the potential for betrayal coming. He didn't suspect Lunar would side with Moon to the point that he didn't even question "Lunar" knowing magic and their stupid one-upsmanship thing right after Moon took back control.

But take a step back for a bit. Up until that October, Eclipse never had the freedom of his own body. He was a passenger, watching someone else's lives and occasionally climbing into the driver's seat whenever he could take the wheel.

And whose lives was he watching? Who was Eclipse's only example of a sibling relationship?

Eclipse never anticipated Lunar turning on him because Sun never turned on Moon.

Moon used Sun for experiments, verbally abused him, punched him in the face-- and Sun forgave him for it. Sun weathered the worst parts of Moon's personality so that they came out on the other side intact.

Eclipse didn't even know it was an option for Lunar to get so tired of his shit that he would leave! And maybe if Lunar had been alone he would have dealt with it, but he ended up having Monty to lean on as a kind of middle ground.

(Sun, this isn't about you, so I'm not going to look too closely at your utter lack of any kind of social life and how that might have affected your willingness to stay by Moon's side 8'D )

I don't think Eclipse ever says anything about it at the time, but I wouldn't be surprised if part of the reason he killed Lunar once he got the star was directly in retaliation to a wound that goes a lot deeper than you'd think. Like, yes, he killed Lunar for betraying him, but in his eyes it was a massive, impossible breach of trust. Brothers just... don't turn on one another like that? They stick together no matter what?

And also he was hyped up on victory and is generally an unpleasant person but. Yeah.

Eclipse didn't anticipate Lunar's betrayal because his only role model for a sibling relationship is HELLA unhealthy and he literally didn't realize it was an option.

[squidthoughts]

why doesn't shin leave?

that's the question, right? there are secondary ones, of course – why didn't she kill sabine/was she sandbagging their duel/did she intentionally perform a nonfatal stabbing/was she sent there to interact with sabine at all, or just for the map.... but really, my question at the end of ep1 was:

why is she waiting here at all?

"we've been looking for this," shin says, and that's what, an accusation? conversation-starter? she's here to talk? maybe, okay – except she's actively thieving, so what can she be expecting by sticking around but a fight? so she secures the map and she waits for sabine. to fight her. but the question is still why and in my unqualified opinion i think the answer is found back here:

"ahsoka tano's former apprentice is on lothal."

what do we know about baylan? he was a jedi, once. he witnessed the purge of his order and adapted to a life of survival – he maintains certain jedi traditions, he passes these traditions to his padawan: the braid, the traditional construction of the lightsaber, if not the crystal inside (standing mystery, though). he is nostalgic but not melancholy, connected perhaps to the more elegant and noble history of the jedi but evidently strongly opposed to assuming that title at present.

what do we know about shin? well...almost nothing. except that when baylan speaks, shin listens. she obeys unquestioningly. when morgan speaks, shin watches baylan. they are close; there is mutual trust, though clearly more dependency on shin's side. and she is likely – though not certainly – born after order 66.

i'm confident answers will be forthcoming about shin's past, but in the meantime, working with the (very!!) little we have, assuming the subtle intricacies of the shot direction and ivanna's acting are all intentional, and with the full disclaimer that im brainrotty for wolfwren......i want to answer my original question.

shin has never seen another apprentice before. beyond baylan and inquisitors (apparently), she has probably never seen another lightsaber-wielder before. and yet – her master, while scorning the label of jedi, is steeped in jedi history. he seems to be training her according to some traditional jedi principles (though...what with the mass-murder and the mercenary work, of course we don't yet know the extent of those principles), and it would follow that he would have imparted the history of the jedi as well.

baylan skoll is not a jedi. but ahsoka tano is. or, was. but the antagonist squad refers to her as a jedi, so from shin's perspective it's not just "ahsoka tano's apprentice" on lothal. she is being told there is a real, live jedi apprentice on lothal.

and the jedi are extinct.

we're into the rampant speculation part of the meta now, because what is shin thinking in this moment?

there's a green lightsaber before her – a jedi apprentice before her – or at least the former-apprentice-of-a-jedi, but shin is the apprentice-of-a-former-jedi, and at some point the semantics get in the way of the exhilaration. this is probably (again, this whole thing could get disproven in the next episode or something) the first lightsaber battle shin has ever had with someone who might actually kill her. (i assume baylan wouldn't engage in prolicide while sparring.)

this is, i think, shin at her most excited. on the one hand – it's another apprentice! it's another member of an order (her order??) that was supposed to be wiped out! this is proof of concept maybe, that shin isn't so alone! and on the other hand – this is a test, no? like, the first real test of shin's full abilities, assuming she's never dueled before? again, i wish we knew more about her motivations, but it stands to reason a padawan that powerful and devoted would constantly be looking for ways to both prove and improve herself, right?

and then. sabine. sucks.

she's sloppy and weak and doesn't use the force. she's untrained and undisciplined and slow and gets tired too quickly.

shin starts blocking with one hand. she starts sidestepping sabine's wild swings. there's no way she's is trying to kill her at this point; shin is playing with her food.

i just...think she's disappointed?? like, she was probably expecting so much more from a proper jedi's apprentice, and i think we'd need more information about her to extrapolate what exactly she wants in this scene, but i'd be willing to bet it wasn't this sub-par, former-apprentice bitch-ass fight. (love to sabine but like. she did get her clock cleaned. obviously.)

regardless, i am excited to see how this experience influences the forestfight™ we know is on the way...and also if sabine, like, feels...anything....about being skewered like a county fair corn dog?? i mean trauma or anger or fear or drive or?? bc we know shin wasn't actually trying to kill her, (this is my official stance and im sticking to it) but sabine sure doesn't!!

[caitlinsnicket]

izzy hands sfw headcanons part 2

a/n: part 1 here. part 3 here HAHAHAHA im going lulu (also if you see any mistakes feel free to tell me so

after the loss of his leg, sometimes he might pretend to forget his cane just so he has to lean on you for support. truth is, he hid it under his bed so you would have a harder time finding it and he could spend more time with your arms around him

speaking of leaning, he leans a lot to get a look at you from a lower perspective (not that it's hard, he's not very tall), he leans on your body, on your arms and on your shoulders because he likes your warmth and loves to feel you near him

holds your hand to move around as well, displaying it proudly to the crew and puffing his chest out like a peacock so they know you're together

also tends to get very flushed if you lean on him and hold his hand, looking around expecting a joke, until you distract him with kisses on his cheek

lives for moments where you need comfort. it's not that he likes it when you're feeling bad, but he likes to feel needed for emotional suport, like he's good enough to make you feel better

he loves to feel useful when it comes to you, and so he learns to anticipate your needs and wants. he leaves something light for you to eat on a table on his cabin beside a cup of water, when on land always buys you new clothing pieces that he knows you might need, gets extra blankets in the middle of the night because he knows you might get cold, all that cheesy stuff

he's a romantic at heart

he is very particular about his hair, and has learned how to keep it tidy and practical for his day to day like. however, if you ever ask him to run your hands through it in the middle of the day or to style it in a different way, he'll move like lightning to sit on the ground, head at your hand's level so you can do as you please

his 'disheveled hair' look is probably his hottest too, strands framing his face beautifully, making him look disgruntled and mysterious at the same time. your fingers ache to touch it whenever he's like that

after a while he starts wearing his hair loose (without gel or pomade) more often while on the job, relaxing more and more with his own image

(he still loves his puffy fancy hair though

it's also the softest hair ever. you don't mention it when you notice the many hair care products hidden behind his bathtub, or the different things he uses to keep his hair in place, just as he won't mention it when he notices that you started using them too to smell like him

his favorite thing to do is having his hair taken care of by you. just mark him as yours in as many ways as you can

the curls on the nape of his neck are so endearing and charming it's hard for you to pay attention on anything he's saying. if he notices, he swears at you and walks off, fighting a goofy smile

one day, he decides he's gonna cut his hair short. you are supportive about it, obviously, even if a part of you is dying inside. so he goes out, cuts it and comes back with a glint on his eyes that is so obvious and endearing, as if he's begging you to praise him and call him pretty

and he just looks so nice and tidy and hot (so fucking hot) that you can't help but spend the next hour or so messing with his hair until his legs are wobbly and his mouth is hanging open

his hair ends up being spiked up very often, which makes him look younger and more relaxed. it brings warmth to your heart, and a shy smile to his lips

taking care of him is a tricky job, reserved to you (and fang) on the rare occasions he's too sick to fight back. still, he whines and struggles and cusses the both of you out until he gets too tired to complain anymore and just allows it to happen

feels extremely embarassed and self conscious whenever you feed him soup, but secretely he's vibrating with joy from your attention and care. he can't help but notice how much love is present from your touches and actions, and it makes him feel almost worthy of it

his favorite foods are the ones you cook for him when he's sick. you manage to put so much flavor and affection in it those that sometimes he yearns for a cold or a headache just so you'll cooks him something without him having to ask

he doesn't notice how much better you treat him in comparison to past lovers until jim or fang mention it to him, and he starts watching the things you do for him

it's the little things for him, like the way you neatly fold his clothes after he takes them off, the way there's always a cup of water on the side of his bed in the morning, or how sometimes you'll just remember things that he's mentioned in passing once and buy him a related trinket when you're both on land

he's over the moon and proud of having earned your affections, and will even grin in that manic way that sometimes gets to him

[mysticsublimeperson]

<< part 2 >>

Merlin woke up feeling cranky, he didn't exactly sleep. It resembled more to several disgusting and sweaty naps, and a lot of self deprecating introspection in between.

So Merlin decided to stop trying around 10 am, and moved to the sofa. He didn't have anything to do that day, they weren't waiting for him in the lab, nor in the office, they all thought he would have been too hangover. Funny.

He needed to get out, to get coffee, to try and look for a new perspective, or at least a solution, so he got up and dressed and went to open the door.

A sharp thud sounded when something collide to the ground.

"Arthur?"

"Shit, er... Merlin, sorry, good morning?" Arthur was trying to blink away the heaviness.

"Were you sleeping in my hallway?" Merlin was really confused now. Arthur had always been a bit of a prat, and he grew up rich (and still was very rich, even if he denied it) so he was posh. In all the years he knew him, Arthur had never volunteered himself to discomfort, because he could afford not to.

"Yeah, I.. Well, you told me to go, but then I thought that if I went then I would have to come back in a few hours, and well it was really early in the morning, and I didn't bring my car, so I would have to call for a car and then, well come back, and wold spend like a proper half hour just pacing around my flat, just so far away from you... guessed you also wouldn't be answering your phone, so waiting here seemed like the better option. But now that I say it out loud, it sounds kinda stalk-ish" He said sheepishly, his voice was still deep, and slow. Trying to recover from sleep. He stood up, but was supporting in the door frame. "It's just... you seemed really upset. I know I was the reason, but" he gulped "you are always for me when I'm like that..." Merlin sighed.

"Come in" Merlin talked with a controlled voice. He would have wished for a little more time to figure this out, but if he was honest maybe more time would have only made him more paranoid.

"I, er, yeah, thank you" It was extremely strange to hear Arthur so insecure, but Merlin needed to focus on his situation, and not fall into old habits. "How.. How did it go? Yesterday I mean, sorry I didn't ask sooner"

Bad, he wanted to say.

You ruined it, he wanted to shout.

I missed you, he wanted to cry.

"Fine, I guess" he didn't want to offer information, he sat in the sofa again.

Arthur gulped again and put on a tight smile. "I see" sitting beside him.

"And you? How was your dinner?" Merlin suddenly felt tired again, he didn't want to shout, or yell, he didn't want to incriminate or fight, he just wanted this situation to be over. "Aren't you supposed to be at work?"

Arthur opened and closed his mouth several

"Merlin. I am so sorry" he said after a while. Without looking at him. "I know there's no excuse... and the way I treated you when you arrived here too... you didn't deserved that" his voices sounded tight.

If this had been any other day, Merlin would have folded, he would have told him that it was forgotten. Any other day, Merlin would have bitten the bullet of disappointment, and would have try to understand his point of view, his situation. Any other day...

"Arthur" he said after a long silence "I think it's time for us to rethink about what we want from this relationship" he could see the moment all the muscles in Arthur's body tensed up.

"What do you mean?" He sounded so scared, and Merlin fought the urge to hold him.

"What I mean Arthur it's that, this relationship can't go on like this forever" Merlin breathed slowly, trying to express himself as accurately as posible "I feel like im living on borrowed time with you, and even if you are the one in the wrong, I feel like I should just be grateful to have you a little longer, no matter how you much you may hurt me"

"That's not true Merlin, please, I would never intentionally hurt you. how can you think that? I love you" he finally looked Merlin in the eye. They were red and swollen, and a bit desperate.

"I know you love me Arthur, I believe you" he tried to swallow the knot in his throat "but sometimes that's just not enough" Merlin sat back at the sofa, looking at the ceiling. The same ceiling he had been looking since he arrived yesterday, thinking the same things, over and over. "I know you love me, and I love you, more than anything. But I also know that you would never invite me to a company dinner, you would never even acknowledge me in front of your coworkers, you would purposely hide me from your dad..."

"Merlin" Arthur said his name like a warning.

"Im not trying to be resentful Arthur" Merlin spat "they're just facts. Like the fact that you hate your job, and it makes you miserable. But you would never leave. Even if it's a shit job, at a horrible and inmoral company" he kept his tone neutral, he wanted to make a point "I would never ask you to leave, because a would never want to put you in a position where you would need to choose"

"Merlin" now his name sounded like a prayer, and a question.

"I think I always knew that I really never had a chance if you had to choose" suddenly his voice quivered.

"That's not..."

"Arthur please!" he really didn't want to hear empty promises, so he made a gesture for him to wait "I told you that yesterday was important, you knew that. And you choose him" he will not cry, no more "You ditched me, last minute. You left me alone even though I told you I Wanted you with me" his words bouncing on the walls.

"I didn't think..." Arthur was trembling a bit. And he looked like his world had been rocked and put upside-down.

"Arthur, you already have a life planed out. And you are the one that's choosing to keep it that way, you are going with the plan. And one day I will have to see how the papers and magazines cover the stories of you ascending to CEO of the world's most evil construction company, and marrying a young nice pretty girl, who is really boring and bratty but also insanely rich and has good connections, and have three beautiful very normal and healthy kids... all while I keep fighting with my little NGO to change the status quo that you reinforce. Don't you see that you don't have space for me in your future?" all the resolve to keep his cool abandoned him mid speech but at least he got it out. Arthur was looking at him like he had just told him that he only had a minute to live.

"I don't see a future without you Merlin" Arthur said, really softly, eyes shining with soon to be shed tears.

It hurt Merlin to hurt Arthur.

He never wanted to hurt Arthur.

Merlin brought up his legs and hugged his knees, hiding his face momentarily biting his lips hard, while blinking away the tears. "I love you Arthur, and I don't think I could leave you alone if I wanted to. But I think this relationship... it puts unfair expectations, for both of us" Merlin swallowed "It's not fair for me to expect something you are not ready, nor willing to give" he argued as calmly as he could. "I suppose we work better as friends"

He could see Arthur wanted to fight.

He also could see that Arthur had seen his point.

"What if...?" Arthur started, shaky. "What if I leave?" Merlin's brows furrowed confused. "My father, I mean. What If I leave him? What If I leave Pendragon Constructions? Everything... what if i..." he was starting to stammer and was not making sense. So Merlin took his hands.

"Why would you do that?" I was the genuine confusion in his expression that made Arthur sob.

"Because I love you Merlin!" he practically screamed with broken voice and desperate eyes. "please" begged silently.

"I think that if you do that. You'll resent me, eventually" he tried to reason while giving a reassuring squeeze to his hold "He is your father Arthur, you love him, and you want to make him proud, I understand that" even when he knew what it meant for himself "But you also are better than he could ever be" he assured "You won't ever lose me, I'll just need some space"

"I don't think I can do that" Arthur spoke carefully while caressing his hand "I don't know how to, I don't want to" he breathed trying to calm himself. "But I will try for you if you want me to" he swallowed "But don't misunderstand. I am not giving up on us. I won't" using his hold he pulled Merlin in for a hug. "I am sorry, I am sorry I disappointed you, I am sorry you felt like that, but above all I am sorry that you are right" he hugged him strongly and Merlin tried and failed nor to melt in his arms. "But this won't be the end Merlin, you are right for now. I will work, everyday, every moment to deserve you, to make you feel loved, to prove to you and to myself that I can become the man that you think I can be, and when that day arrives, Merlin I will sweep you off your feet" he talked those words like it was a threat, directly in his ear, while holding him close, so Merlin decided that just one last time, he would believe in him.

He would keep hoping.

[acornshell]

tw:A bit of blood‼️

Roman's fight with the Dragon-witch in the imagination!!

Hi there again!✨I tried drawing a different perspective on this one and it was HARD, but I think it turned out good enough!✍️

Had fun with imagining what the Dragon-witch looked like, How big they are..etc, personally my favorite is how I made the blood(the dragon-witches )on Roman's sword glow!

The bg was super hard to get the mood right too, a bit sad I wasn't able to include trees😭

Also I like how his expression turned out too!! tireing out, but confident✨

Im happy that I was able to work on a big piece that features my favorite boy!❤️👑

[Roblogs are super appreciated!!🙌]

[sadiewayne]

Canon vs Fanon with the BatFam

being someone that has only recently started reading comics, i find the discourse between canon and fanon super interesting

bc there's a few different camps when it comes to what people think and i'll try to go through the groups i have personally encountered

Fanon is wrong, toxic, and is bad for the characters

not going to fully disagree but i feel like there is a perspective thing in play. not everyone can afford to read comics and a lot of people don't want to go to those dodgy websites that attempt to track you and give you a million viruses. also, a lot of people will start with fanfics and then progress into canon characterisation. AND some fic writers actually write in canon characterisations (i'm trying to for mine anyway)

Webcomics are bad because they aren't the same as canon and people thing they are

ok, look, no one reads WFA for hard hitting batman stories, we read it for the fluff. some of s just want super light-hearted stories about the batman having a snowball fight, or playing vigilante bingo, or who can do the most 2 finger push ups. and we get bonus stuff like jason having a flashback/panic attack (im so sorry i'm tired and i can't remember the proper word) and bruce helping him ground himself AND TELLING HIM HE'S PROUD

we just want the fluff ok, we know it's not the full character on display

i know red hood outlaws isn't well loved too but it's a fun introduction to the characters (and we got dick and babs wedding and it was beautiful)

Fanon confuses new canon readers and can make it hard for them to enjoy it

i agree with that fully. luckily i started with dick and he's basically the same, if not better in canon that fanon. but i know characters like tim get butchered by fanon purely bc its the things that are fun and easy to write about that stick and so he just became a shell of himself.

dick was a fun one bc you actually got to see him be a badass in the comics as opposed to the golden retriever he is in fanon. the dude is unhinged and that's so much more interesting

People don't read the comics bc they can just read fanon works

see point 1, but i think a lot of people (like me) get super interested and then start to read canon. i started with DC through a Percy Jackson crossover fic years ago that i recently re-read and it sent me down the rabbit hole. now i'm waiting for my copies of nightwing vol 2 and 3 to arrive having read vol 1 and fear state today

fanon is a gateway

am i saying that fanon is amazing? no

but i think we should work more on educating about canon instead of antagonising, as it will make the community a better place

[transingthoseformers]

here aare things i want in a transformers shattered glass show if hasbro decided to make one:

-i want the events in cybertron not earth because im tired of every transformers show being on earth

-i want to see character before the war like megatron,orin pax, starscream and more i want to see what were they doing before the war and thire views

-i want to see how megatron started the deceptcions movement and gained his followers

-how the war started we all know how the war started in transformers but i want to see it from the shattered glass perspective and why those character join this faction

-character development i want the characters to have personality not just a good/evil version of thire counterpart i want reasons on why they become the way they are and what are they fighting for i want sg megatron be more than just a good version of megatron and the same with optimus i want to know why he's like that and how did he become a prime

-the characters desgins should be original it will be cool if they do a new desgins only for the shattered glass not using just g1 desgins and change colors or use other desgins from the shows like unicron trilogy

-a good budget and animation will be nice im not asking for something mindblowing but not something cheap

-a side thing but i want peter cullen and frank welker to voice sg optimus/megatron i would love to see thire impression of an evil optimus and good megatron but it's okay if it's other talnted voice actors

(that's was my list of things i would like to see in a sg show what about you?)

Oh right this gives context for the other ask I suppose

I feel like the chances of us getting a sg show are very small

But

I feel like it would be amazing if in this hypothetical show we got to see a nice bit of SG Megatron, Starscream, and Soundwave's interactions.

Honestly just so much about SG Soundwave he was a delight in the comics that I read and his dynamic within the SG decepticons is so cool

More of SG Starscream doing science shit. We're always told many versions of Starscream are scientists but we never see much of it

so much of SG Megatron my beloved.

In the comics I read it was in the tail end of a lost war, so in my opinion I think if we get a SG show it should actually be towards the beginning if not exactly the beginning! You want your when/how/whys, that feels like the place to start: the beginning and a little bit before it.

If we get SG Rodimus I hope it would be either modeled off of his blueberry emo phase in LL with red optics or if we get his SG comics look we see him applying the "facial hair" paint in a scene. I will never hesitate to make fun of his sharpie beard, and if we ever got a show with SG Rodimus in it with it I hope it gets to make fun of it too.

I'm actually here for a SG show being a little more lighthearted than SG tends to be, because of our dear friend shenanigans.

again SG Megatron. I love what I've seen of his design in the comics I read and think it can be navigated into a new one inspired by it pretty good. I think Megatron looks so interesting with blue optics. His personality is always interesting. Having him as arguably the main character of this would be lovely. And I'm a Megatron simp sue me.

[pocketramblr]

How would Endeavor react to All Might's sudden death?

ah im gonna need more context to answer this, are you talking about this au, or in canon or an au where Toshi actually dies, and if canon, then when, because his reaction would be hugely different if it happened, you know, a month before USJ vs if it happened a week after Jakku...

but if you do mean in this au, well. Not great, because he's furious by the sudden fact that he could never beat All Might, that he died undefeated, but also, there's a little bit of fear the fact that something that could have killed All Might certainly could have killed him too. The HPSC clues him into what they knew of AFO after he's made number one, though he's not in contact or in the trust of Gran or Sir, so he doesn't get a ton of info. It's enough to be unsettling, though, and he doesn't take feeling fear well. Of his family, he thinks it was all a waste- though he swings back and forth between thinking the attempt at a family in the first place was a waste, or the neglect and abuse was a waste. Either way, he doesn't spend time at home as much anymore and figures its for the best, there are more important things. He'll feel guilt about it too, when he isn't focusing on other things, which is why he'll let Fuyumi take the boys and some money without an argument. That said, as he settles into it over the years, he'll feel guilt more. He'll move from the "it was all a waste for nothing" stage to the "well, i cant take away what was wasted, but i can stop wasting it now" stage which will uh, not be taken as well by his sons as by his daughter. Shoto's aware of the fact that if Enji wanted to, he could order Shoto back home and Fuyumi, who's been alone in raising two brothers for the last couple of years, couldn't or wouldn't put up a fight, and he doesn't want to see which it is. Enji isn't thinking like that, but his inability to consider what this appears to be from his son's perspective is just one of his many issues between them. So, Enji clearly expects Shoto to still be a hero, though the 'surpass all might' expectation is gone, which means Shoto feels like he has to in order to keep his relative freedom. The "compromise" between Enji and Shoto is that as long as Shoto trains on his own and takes both the recommendation exam (Enji's pick) and the normal exam (Shoto's pick), Enji won't insist on him training at the Endeavor agency (not necessarily with his father, since, he's a very busy number one hero, but there are plenty of sidekicks). Shoto deliberately fails the recommendation one, just barely, but Enji knows he'll be good enough for the other exam so.

Outside of his family, Endeavor dislikes the manufactured attempt at recreating All Might that Hawks is, but can't exactly throw stones from the house he's realizing has more glass in it than he thought. They don't interact much. For the public side of things, he has about ten times the number of applicants for his agency sidekicks as before, and five times the interview requests. he finds a few of them to be rewarding but is mostly just even more tired.

[imvriix]

Based on the newest chapter of Berserk, could you write a scenario of Gut’s s/o being kidnapped by Griffith?

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𝔦𝔫𝔱𝔬 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔡𝔦𝔪 𝔪𝔬𝔬𝔫𝔩𝔦𝔤𝔥𝔱

summary ;; — first, griffith steals the lives of those in the original band of the hawk, then, he steals you. just how is guts meant to keep you from slipping away like all the others from his past?

featuring + contains;; — guts x gn! reader, post eclipse.

a/n ;; — for some reason ive been feeling lazy with asks but im pulling an all nighter to fix my absolute shit sleep schedule (shit as in i sleep at 6am and woke up at 8pm) and i just randomely got loads of motivation to write, so here we are babes

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     ⋆*･ﾟ:     :✧*⋆   ･ﾟ

the child you had been beginning to become fond of each time the full moon made itself present slowly began to morph into the man you had associated with the fault of the many feelings of bitterness and the desperate need for revenge and blood.

he glowed underneath the soft light of the moon, a singular, crystallised tear gently sliding down the flesh of his porcelain skin. memories flooded through your head all at once, far too fast for you to bear. the life you had left behind, more like you had been forced to let go of, being pushed forward in your mind after the nights of you pushing it backwards, hoping and praying they wouldnt show up again and you would be blessed with the ability to forget.

but you would be a liar if you had said that you werent torn between tearing him to pieces and laying him bare to the world which he had forced you to change perspective of, to show him that he was no different from the day you had found him beaten, tortured and disabled, that he was still that same man who felt insecure when he met with something he couldnt control and feared loosing composure, or just wanting to forget, pick up the shreds of your soul that you had lost on that dreadful day and forcefully glue them back together to ensure your recovery and ability to not wander in the past anymore.

but now, you were so, so tired. you were exhausted. you had been ever since you, guts and casca had woken up after the bloody event of the eclipse. no matter how much you slept, how much you trained, how much you fought, you had a slower movement in your body which you couldnt rid yourself of.

though it was not physically present in your body, your movements not actually sluggish, but actually sharper and more fluent from harsh nights of training due to the inability to sleep. you could still feel a lacking in your fights, that adrenaline and bloodlust you always felt before battle no longer present whenever fighting.

it was like you fought for survival, not because you liked the blood rushing to your head and the fast thinking you were forced to do, and you didnt like it. it felt like a chore rather than something that you prided yourself in.

you had naturally come to lean on guts and casca for support when you needed, casca cheering you up with her childish tactics and oblivious ways, and knowing there was a mutual feeling of understanding between you and guts even if it was never worded. slight conversations and exchanging words felt like slices of heaven at times, pulling you out of the world of demons and survival you had been plunged into against your will.

as time went on, you grew fonder and fonder of those conversations. they were little, as neither of you were the types to talk a significant amount, but it was calm and refreshing, you felt like you could actually breathe. with cascas head in your lap, your hand on her head as you sat across guts, speaking of random things, you felt alive again.

maybe you could shut your eyes and pretend you were back in the band of the hawk, imagining you had just finished celebrating yet another victory and you had just seen the two and just sat down to talk.

you had noticed he became more mature and less hot headed from your days in the band, and it made you even fonder of him. you knew the burden set on his shoulders even without speaking of it.

he pleaded with you with his eyes. pleaded with you to not remind him of those memories until he faced griffith again. and so, with both your eyes and soul, you answered, and promised to stay alongside him no matter the occurrence, because if you could endure the eclipse together, you could endure anything else as well.

so why couldn't you stay with him now as well? why were you being taken away? you didnt want this, you didnt want to leave. you were beginning to find your peace, you dug through your heart and ripped out all remaining parts of your pride and hurt to be able to move on, so when you finally were starting to, why did he come back?

did he want this? to torture you, not let you heal? after being so afraid of going through what had happened in the eclipse again, you stuck close to guts and casca, fearing becoming close with any other.

but these people were able to pry open your heart and make you feel again, you felt like once again, you belonged. like you didnt have to worry anymore, because with this little family you had found for yourself, you could take on anything. they brought back your confidence and rid you of your paranoia. so why did you have to forced to leave?

you couldnt stop yourself from being taken away, you didnt want to be taken away, what you wanted was to cry out and let these feelings go.

your body wouldnt move, all of your struggles and reactions delayed as you felt panic surge through your veins, these dark and hidden emotions ready to combust and take everything around you down with it. you were dangerously aware, more wide awake than you had felt in the past months, yet your body was anything but. darkness clouded your vision, and your chest began to feel heavy.

you felt their gazes on you as you were being stolen away, especially the draining feelings of guts's stare. it was intimidating and overwhelming, but what was even worse was you felt yourself. every fibre in your body began to properly feel, your senses intensified and heightened significantly, so if you felt everything was so raw, so closely in front of you, why could you not move? why couldn't you escape his grasp?

you saw guts's blade from over griffiths shoulder, and your chest hurt. guts's blade was beautiful. it was inhumane for him to be able to hold it, let alone properly wield it. it was seen as horrifying to the common person and swordsman, for how could a man be able to properly spill blood on such a blade? it was intimidating, but it held power, the mere sight of it gave you chills. it was simply beautiful.

but what was far more beautiful than the blade itself was its wielder. you had admittedly grown so fond of the swordsman, of his moments of tranquility yet sudden bursts of bloodlust, of how he would hide his embarrassment and how flustered he was whenever you did the slightest thing.

you didnt want to go, you wanted to stay. to stay with guts. to stay with casca. to stay with farnese, serpico, isidro, schierke, puck, ivalera, isma and explore elfheim.

but instead, you were taken away, the distance between you and the people you loved extending while you were taken into the dim moonlight.

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[the-crows-thoughts]

This is going to be my attempt at a fanfiction for Poppy Playtime chapter 3, with the main character meeting Dogday.

This fanfiction will contain my own twist on things and perspectives, and I will warn, I'm not a raging big fan of the series. My interests are casual and im using this more as an opening to do horror themed scenarios for practice purposes. Just a PSA.

This will contain themes of gore, death and mangling of corpses and hostile toys.

Forgot to say, feedback would be appreciated too.

-----

Pain.

That had all that Dogday knew for who knew how long. He didn't know how long he'd been in this makeshift prison cell in what had been a playground for the orphaned kids that hed used to take care of with his band of smiling critters.

Dogday looked back at those days and years, welcoming the happier memories to help him doze off into a slumber that pulled him away from the beatings he endured, and the mocking from Catnap, when the bastard cat felt like showing his rictus grin that was afixed to his face.

He somehow managed to make it look mocking.

Dogday had known that Catnap would never have fit in with the other critters. Despite circumstances, and their fate, it had been the hand they'd been dealt, all of them. And Dogday had tried to make due. Tried to keep them all sane.

They had work, of a sort. A goal even. To protect those orphans, and help them smile, as much as they could.

Because that had been their purpose at least.

Then came the hour of joy.

Dogday remembered that day. The screams, the pleading and death. So much death.

Dogday had had plenty of time to think. Plenty of time to mull things over. He wasn't sure if the Prototype had planned for everything, or just let the dice roll as they may. He only knew ome thing for sure, though.

The bastard had gotten what he'd wanted. Even as he and the other critters had tried their best to stop it.

From hiding the innocent where they could, even if futile in the end, to confronting Catnap and the toys he had in all likelihood, strong armed into his services at the threat of death.

All of their efforts had failed. Leaving him the last due to Catnap's sadistic pleasures of watching his spirit break with each day.

He knew he wasn't long for this world. It would only be so long until Catnap decided that he was tired of seeing Dogdays face.

Or one of those, things out there finally had enough and decided they couldn't wait anymore.

He could see them, at the corner of his eyes when he was awake. Watching him with beady dark eyes, filled with hunger and hate.

They were small toys, facsimile of the smiling critters. Smaller toys of the big toys.

The irony as it was, was not lost on him.

He was jerked from his dreaming thoughts by a claw he recognised all too well, and purple matter fur that, even if it was fake, smelled of rank juices that had gone foul a long time ago.

He didn't even have the time to make a snide remark as Catnap decided to have fun with Dogday today, and he felt the cat gleefully and slowly pull at his legs, bit by bit and twist and pull, making Dogday try his best to muffle out the screams that wanted to come out, he didn't want to give the bastard the satisfaction, but he caved in, and he screamed.

Even as he passed out, and felt Catnap, the bastard, pull his torso in half.

The pain, indescribable. Like a poker then a blunt saw all seared in heat with a delay. It screamed all over his body for days.

And even then, when he woke up and looked at his torso. Seeing the belt that was acting as a crude tourniquet to stem the bleeding.

He screamed again. Screamed himself hoarse actually.

Days passed. And he weakly hung from the straps hed been placed into. No longer really able or willing to move. He was so, so tired. Tired of everything.

He was done. He had nothing left. Nothing left to fight for.

"Come on then!" Dogday finally hollered in a broken whimper. A bit of blood that still.stuck to the remnants of his torso dripping onto the floor with his jerky movements.

"Kill me!" He cried. "Isn't this what you wanted, you bastard?! You want me broken! So kill me!" He roared into the silence.

Catnap never came.

---

Jerking awake, Dogday had heard something. After his yelling, he had promptly passed out. Blood loss, he thought. Or maybe just stress and depression. Likely both were at fault.

He perked what he could of his ears, trying to listen through.

"-ello. Dogday?" Asked a quiet mousy voice of a boy, making the last critter perk up. Didn't he recognise that voice?

"Ollie?" Asked Dogday, confusion and hope mixed within him, that hope a flickering candle in his heart.

He didn't remember what kind of toy he was, or was he human? He wasn't sure anymore. His memory had been finally decaying due to all of this time alone.

"Yeah!" The voice said, sounding happy, if nervous.

"Look, Dogday, I cant stay. They're after me," the 'they,' in this case, needed no explanation. The toys.

"I have some good news," Ollie said. Dogday tried to turn his head about to find him, but found he couldn't exactly find him. He seemed to be in a tunnel or close by enough to be out of sight, but not earshot.

Still, good news would be something, right?

"There is an Angel coming Dogday. An Angel will rescue us, and put all of this away." Ollie promised.

This sounded too good to be true, didn't it?

"How do you know?" Asked Dogday, sounding hesitant, suspicious, but also yearning for any good news at this point.

"The tram!" Said Ollie. "If you know where to look, you can see it xome down, remember? Well, I could see it come down. So, he or she. Whoever is there, will finally save us!"

Ollie said in a voice so full of hope. Oh, how Dogday wished. Wished with all the fiber of his being that it was true.

He could practically squeeze the hope into a tear.

"I'm. I'm so glad Ollie. Go help them, okay?" He nudged. Knowing the brave little toy would do so.

"I'll try!" Ollie said, and with that Dogday could hear the shifting of something moving away.

Dogday hoped that whoever it was, they'd end everything for good, finally.

----

Dogday had fallen asleep again, but he woke up at the sound of shifting feet on plastic and creaking wood.

Dogday saw through the gloom of what was barely lit lanterns that offered any bot of light of someone walking through the corridor towards his location.

Honestly, Dogday had no idea what to expect. His expectations had been very, very low to be honest.

And what he saw was.... a man. A man in his early 30's with dark hair that was disheveled and frazzled, covered in a few bits of ichor and blood, with eyes that were wide and full of terror and a mechanical determination. Those were eyes that told Dogday that this man had seen a lot in a short span of time that had been too much too quickly. And it was held together by very little of what was left of the man's sanity.

He had a 5'o clock shadow, with clothes that looked dirty, torn and ripped, with an arm sleeve torn that had been used as a makeshift bandage on a gash on the arm. The man looked like any average man you'd see. Not too tall, nor too short, a bit thin but not gangly. A watch on his arm that had seen better days, oh and that weird grabpack he'd seen about. Used by maintenance and those hauling heavy things sometimes. Sometimes they were also good for other uses.

Dogday looked at the humans face, and the memory of a gangly teen, with pimples and acne scars, oily hair and a bad complexion came to Dogday's mind.

He remembered him. He had been a part of the staff, once. A teen back then, taking a summer job for the bit of money he could make, just to satisfy his parents or who knew at the time. Dogday couldn't remember all the details, but he remembered the look he had given Dogday and the other toys. That weird look of seeing something uncanny and unfamiliar, and wanting to forget it.

It seemed he had, until now.

"You must be Ollie's angel," Dogday started. Going into the speech he had practiced in his mind.

He had managed to go well through it, he hoped. He just felt like he was going through a motion. But he imparted his hope to the man, the hope he'd find an end to this.

Until he heard them. Oh. Oh no. It seemed Catnap had finally decided to do him in. Right when the spark of hope had finally been rekindled into a flickering candle.

"Run!" He urged the man that he'd forgotten the name of. He didn't want to see him like this. To be devoured inside and out by these... Monsters. That was all they were now, monsters that had given into a hunger insatiable, and unsatisfied.

They came in, all ready to swarm him as the meal on a silver platter he was, the human frozen in fear, and indecision.

Then. They all heard the scream.

No, not a scream. A howl. A howl from an animal that had been on the flight from everything until this point. The howl of a mind that had finally snapped.

The shattering psyche of a cornered animal.

Stunned and confused, the little monsters all were frantically looking around, until they found the human.

He was above them, a mad glint in his eyes as the howling feral actions of a broken beast came out, armed with a snarked piece of rebar, and he swung, striking a toy that hit the wall with a splattering and bloody crack.

The man attacked each of the things, even as they smelled the turning tide of their prey, and the human didn't disappoint on the carnage of the fleeing cowards as two, three then four died. One tried to jump for the man's leg, only to get a flailing kick to the ground, then a messy stomp of gore. The smell of foul and blood reaching Dogday, his breathing erratic, frantic. His heart pounding.

He thought. He believed...

He had been about to die in the worst way possible. Even as he heard the monsters in the guises of cute toys flee like ambushed scavengers. He knew they'd be back.

Dogday looked at the human. His face set in the panicked face of someone that had finally snapped and lost himself. He heard the strangled sobs of the man as his fight or flight response finally gave out to fight, then now into an exhausted drain of adrenaline, and the quiet horrified sobbing as everything came crashing all at once.

He saw that the man was starting to lose it. Lose himself to the shock.

And Dogday found a purpose.

"Hey, hey. Its okay." Dogday started in a soothing, or as soothing as he could make it tone. "Look, Angel. You have to move. They'll be back. And when they do, there will be more of them." Dogday warned. He knew they'd rally and come back, and soon.

The urgency in Dogday's voice must've helped, because the man seemed to gather himself enough to quietly nod.

He seemed to pause, look at Dogday, then come to a decision.

He began to quickly free Dogday, even as he tried to protest.

"No, no! Go. I'm just dead weight, please." He tried to beg the human, to save himself.

But the man wouldn't listen.

He only gave disquieting little laughs that sounded borderline on hysteria and mania. And to be fair, that was likely what was happening.

The man, in a stubborn, foolish act of kindness and bravery, pulled Dogday from the hell hed been subject to for who knew how long.

He was pulled out, and carried with a complaining grunt from.the human, even as he made an impossible leap with them both over a dark pit to the ground below, to an elevator to upstairs, and back to the courtyard outside.

There, Dogday was put inside the underground room, temporarily at least.

The human had taken him there, and curled into a ball in the corner. Dogday could only really sit there, and watch.

The long minutes stretched out to what felt like hours as the human, in his corner, quietly broke down.

Dogday knew that, this human. This Angel, or whoever he was. Shit he could be a Yith from fucking Cthulu and hed still be a damned angel from the high heavens above. And it was the only identifier he had for the man right now.

"Hey, Angel." Dogday finally said, the man looking at him with eyes wide and bloodshot. Blood covered the rest of his shirt, arm and hands. His chin trembling in a clear state of quiet shock.

"Thanks." Dogday said. And it was all he needed to say.

A hiccuping little laugh escaped the man as he wordlessly nodded.

"How.. how did you get here?" Dogday asked. Figuring that, he'd been given a chance again. For another purpose.

A purpose, to help his Angel.

The man's hand went to his mouth, wiping away blood and tears, and opened his mouth to speak his story, while they had the peace.

END.

[loveatfirstflight]

a tree for my wraith/nightfury family :> some notes under the cut!

a small flock from a huge island pretty far south from berk! the night fury side of the family were migrating when Canyon met Burn, the titan-wing leader of the resident wraiths, and decided to stay. the furies stayed for years until circumstances drove them to leave for their safety. Burn, Sandstone and the wraith flock decided to stay and fight instead. eventually all that was left was Dune and Odd, who became incredibly hostile to humans after many, many bad experiences.

misc notes off the top of my head:

odd (known as gritt by anyone not their family/very close friends) is adopted obviously. sandstone and blister found them alone in a boat as a toddler and decided to adopt them, since they lost their first hatchling (moon) not long before

all names and pronouns are from odds perspective, as best as they could translate into something a human can understand!

canyon and limestone are from a night fury colony that lived in a rocky expanse somewhere far away, hence the rocky names for their side of the family

i do like the idea of what everyone thought the light fury was at first (an aquatic night fury), so pearl is a branch off night fury thats more suited to water (not much is different about them, just smoother, mildly sparkly and with one long fin down the body instead of spines. still in the early stages of full branch evo :>)

if you look closely you can see pest has eyebrow markings, which they got from pebble, who got it from their grandparent (not shown). rest assured any kids Pest has at some point will have eyebrows too lol

ill go into how/when the night furies come back in my au in another post at some point, atm im tired ∠( :'3 」∠)＿

[furymint]

2023 Creator Reflection

ffxiv.

1. dance me to the end of love

this one was fun! i always like merging a character's outfit with the bg so i liked doing that again. picking the colors for elliots outfit was also enjoyable. ive wanted to make smth w that cover for a while

2. shame was still the tyrant of his life

i only wrote two nol and eli things this year and neither of them are finished. the first was a continuation of a scene where nol kisses elliot against the blue stained glass in his room--i once posted it but then i deleted it bc it made me feel woozy for its allusions to sex. i wanted to rebuild it and take a shot at it now that im comfortable writing n reading sex, but i never got very far. theres actually lots of nice parts! i just like nols dumb angsting the best!

3. valentine

i really wanted to focus on nol's eye here, but also not make it too obvious lol. i used a ps filter like a schmuck but i wanted it to be darker without making it even more difficult to see, so i took away their bodies and limited the colors to make it what it is.

4. amateur cracksmen

the second nol n eli wip, which doesnt have many interesting lines rn, was a raffles-inspired story where eli drags nol as his valet to a rival artist's house and tries to steal back the brooch that he bought from an underground dealer feat. much babbling abt the state of societal responsibility that war is supposed to bring

ffxvi.

1. herz an herz dir

i wrote some reflections about this one already here. i honestly was very (distressed voice) cant believe im writing pure fanfic for the first time in over ten years and lacked a lot of direction when i started bc uhhhhh terence has 8 and a half mins of screen time. i tried to convince myself that it's not much different than me stealing brucemont for my own evil devices, but the unique perspective of seeing quite so much fan content def influenced my interpretation. i wanted their relationship to be much more imbalanced from the get-go initially--dion using his power unintentionally and terence barely passing a thought abt it until later bc he's just so accustomed to obeying--but i ended up giving terence a lot more sway & ammunition in their argument. the breakfast bed thing is also smth im rly fond of.

2. mund an mund

there's also additional meta for this one here. i made a silly doodle abt it also. dion kept picking fights here! it honestly turned out how i expected. when i first started this fic, i was gonna have dion start out right in oriflamme and meet ter and kihel there, but i booted them to northreach so i could have this stretch of conflict. i think it's like. Bad Pacing. technically. if i still believe the conflict introduced in the next chapter is the core one, that is. which i sorrrrta do. but i dont care bc i rly like the visual of kihel laying in dion's lap and getting to put a gun on the wall w ahmed.

3. eines atems

its been two months since the last chapter and this chapter is humiliatingly not written. i have all my scrambled notes and scenes that i jotted down in between the first two chapters, so i have a full direction, but it's been really difficult to write lately. ive been devoting all my time to trying to recoup my mental health and work on my teredio secret santa. ill start next year with this wip as a priority, so for now i only have the photoshop edit for it. kihel is holding terence's hand--it's his pov turn.

overall i didnt like this year very much. i didn't read, create, research or do a lot even though i tried to. i became really disconnected from all of my friends bc im too tired to stay for rp or hold online conversations. at this point, i dont play ffxiv at all except the few times i managed to rp a little. i moved into nanny's house and have my own space, but don't have the presence of mind to do anything about my pc, books, and so on, although i did make a lot of progress rewrapping my books w fresh wraps and some other things. my plans for next year are to reach out to a couple of my friends, build my pc, relearn + rebuild + relaunch my queer lit blog on open source code, survive school, and rediscover the productivity ive lost the past few years.

teredio has helped me a LOT to find community, inspiration, and art in my loneliest year yet. im very proud of my fic and grateful every day to the ppl who have reached out to me about liking it. even if im sorry about my productivity rate in comparison to how many extraordinary writers there are in the ship's fandom, i know i have to be easy on myself to relearn how to write, create a writing schedule that works for me, and stop punishing myself when i cant get the words out.

past reflections:  2017 | 2018 | 2019 | 2020 | 2021 | 2022

[thebreakfastgenie]

@queerbashir I promised to elaborate on my thoughts about Trapper and Frank in O.R. so let's hope it doesn't get eaten this time!

I left tags on this excellent and funny meme saying:

#ok but what he actually says is deep down there's no real hatred and he means it

@queerbashir said:

#idk breakfast i think he means it#but maybe im projecting

It's possible there was a miscommunication here, because we both said "he means it" and seem to be referring to different things. But what I was originally saying was that the meme (which, again, is great, 10/10 no notes) has the opposite meaning of the original scene.

That scene in O.R. is one of the closest looks into who Frank is that both Trapper and the audience ever get. Unusually for Frank, he just sort of starts opening up to Trapper. I think the circumstances of working long shifts in surgery together make Frank feel a little closer to Trapper, and exhaustion loosens his lips a little bit. For all that Frank is an antagonist, there is a certain level of closeness between Hawkeye, Trapper, and Frank. They don't want it, but it's there. Living in such close quarters with Frank and knowing first hand what he's going through, because they're going through the same thing, forcibly humanizes him. They associate with Frank, sometimes: In Dear Dad, Again (s1), Frank is in a fight with Margaret and spends time with Hawkeye and Trapper. He drives them crazy, but they still treat him basically like a very annoying friend. In Dear Dad Three (s2), they're so bored Trapper and Frank play cards together. Frank is a presence in the social circle.

Crucially, Frank wants to be in the social circle. Frank's insistence that "I didn't come here to be liked" is defensive; he knows nobody likes him and says fine, I didn't want them to like me anyway. Margaret tries to reassure him that everyone is just jealous, because Frank is so superior. In this scene, we get a moment of unusual honesty from Frank. He's aware that no one likes him and it bothers him. This comes after Frank leaves for a break after getting upset at Henry taking Hawkeye's side in the O.R. chatter. Honestly, no one wants to hear this, but Frank has a point. Hawkeye can usually say whatever he wants in surgery and he's at the least allowed to do it and at the most rewarded for it. When Frank says things, he's usually told to shut up. The difference isn't always the content of what they're saying or that Hawkeye is right, it's that people like Hawkeye and that he earns a certain amount of leeway by being the best surgeon. This is difficult for Frank to understand and he feels like it's unfair which he's not entirely wrong about.

So after getting, from his perspective, jumped on yet again, Frank sees Trapper isn't working and opens up to him a little bit. He opens the conversation with a stab at genuine gratitude and humility which is extremely rare for Frank. He doesn't quite hit the mark, but he gets pretty close. Frank was genuinely horrified by the mistake he almost made with the kidney and reacted the way he did in the moment because it's very uncomfortable to be publicly called out for such a serious mistake, even if it's deserved. We get a clue later in the conversation as to why he chooses Trapper to open up to, other than simple availability. Frank asks why no one likes him, and says:

Well, we got along fine, for the first two weeks.

Trapper doesn't argue. In fact, he more or less confirms it, by saying that time was wasted. So Trapper and Frank at least peacefully coexisted for the first two weeks. What happened? I suspect the answer is Hawkeye showed up. Frank then says:

But, deep down, there's no real hatred, is there?

And Trapper says:

Deep down? No.

I think Trapper means it, because he's just too tired to lie. I also think it's consistent with their dynamic. Hawkeye and Trapper don't like Frank and they enjoy tormenting him, but there's no real, deep hatred. Frank is a thorn in their side because he's there, but they don't hate him the way they hate the war. They don't want him dead, and while they do enjoy watching him suffer sometimes, they also feel pity for him. Trapper then answers Frank's question: why don't people like him? It's not for any of his crimes, or any of the reasons the fandom usually cites for hating him. It's this:

It's just that you're a joyless person, Frank. 

Which is honestly so much harsher. This is changeable behavior, but it's not something Frank knows how to change. I think being joyless is at the root of a lot of Frank's conservatism; he can tell that the mood dies when he walks into a room, so he huffs that they're all rule-breaking degenerates who are going to hell. This also explains some of his hypocrisy, because being with Margaret is just about the only time he does find joy. There are times Frank tries to join in the fun and his attempts are mocked. Frank is a miserable person to be around, and that's sad. Frank knows it, too. In a rare moment of honesty, he tries to explain it:

I'm from a very strict family. We weren't allowed to talk at meals. We couldn't even hum. Anybody who hummed got a punch in the throat.

Trapper says:

That's terrible.

And it is! In a different moment, Trapper might make a joke. Hawkeye certainly would. But in the weird atmosphere of this sleep-deprived, Trapper just tells the truth. He doesn't say that excuses Frank's behavior, but he acknowledges that it is terrible. Frank then follows with one of the single saddest things I've ever heard:

I think that's why I became a snitch. So I could talk to somebody.

Frank then describes a situation where he didn't snitch on his best friend and felt so guilty about it he ended up snitching on himself, probably snitching on the friend in the process, even possibly losing the friend. Joyless person.

At this point, Trapper is done with this conversation. Trapper has been falling down exhausted the entire time, and now he can barely keep his eyes open. He can't really process what Frank is saying anymore and tells him that. So when he agrees to Frank's request and says:

Friends, Frank. No more hostility. No more hatred. Friends.

At that point, he's saying whatever he thinks will make Frank stop talking and let him sleep. Of course directly following it with:

Now, shut up, Frank, or I'll kill ya.

Is funny. But there isn't any real hostility in it. Trapper is just tired. He'd say something like this to Hawkeye in this situation.

Trapper and Frank have an unusually personal conversation and Trapper says "deep down, I don't hate you, you're just a miserable person to be around."