#dark Harry Potter humor

[fortunaestalta]

[regulusblock]

teen Regulus: what's an orgasm?

teen Barty: when you fold paper to make birds and shit

also teen Evan: that's oregano, bitch

[daily-spooky]

Deleted Harry Potter scene

Cr: @benoit_tioned TT

[iamnmbr3]

[garbagebinne]

[alenablack]

In 2024 I’m asking for more old man voldemort; he’s in his 70’s, he’s tired, he’s surrounded by hormonal teenagers and melodramatic young adults and he’s in desperate need of a nap every day of his tyrannical existence.

[madame-helen]

[salmonella-destroyer-of-worlds]

[capriddle]

‘It was my word against Hagrid’s, Harry. Well, you can imagine how it looked to old Armando Dippet. On the one hand, Tom Riddle, poor but brilliant, parentless but so brave, school Prefect, model student; on the other hand, big, blundering Hagrid, in trouble every other week, trying to raise werewolf cubs under his bed, sneaking off to the Forbidden Forest to wrestle trolls.-

Harry Potter and the Chamber of the Secters, Chapter 17

Arrogant

“However, I do not deny that her information was invaluable. Without it, I could never have formed our plan, and for that, you will have your reward, Wormtail. I will allow you to perform an essential task for me, one that many of my followers would give their right hands to perform. . . .”

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Chapter 1

Use black humor

“I’d like to see them try,” sneered Riddle.

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, Chapter 13

Cheeky

For the first time, Voldemort smiled. It was a taut leer, an evil thing, more threatening than a look of rage. “The old argument,” he said softly. “But nothing I have seen in the world has supported your famous pronouncements that love is more powerful than my kind of magic, Dumbledore.”

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, Chapter 20

Sarcastic

“No higher pleasure,” repeated Voldemort, his head tilted a little to one side as he considered Bellatrix. “That means a great deal, Bellatrix, from you.”

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Chapter 1

Sexual double meaning

“What say you, Draco?” asked Voldemort, and though his voice was quiet, it carried clearly through the catcalls and jeers. “Will you babysit the cubs?”

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Chapter 1

Sardonic

Ladies and Gentlemen, Lord Voldemort. And then they say it's flat or boring, but it's literally a blast!🤭😂😏

[capitalism-and-analytics]

In light of the recent “Harry Potter” drama...

[scaramionee]

Just finished Secrets and Masks by Emerald_Slytherin and I haven't been the same ever since. I thought that Manacled was my last straw and then I start reading THIS PIECE OF ART ??!! DRACO AND HERMIONE'S CHEMISTRY ?!! THEO'S CHARACTERIZATION ??!! ASTORIA AND BLAISE'S UNDYING LOVE FOR EACH OTHER ??!! DAPHNE AND HER SACRIFCE ??!! THE FOUND FAMILY TROUPE ??!! MALFOY'S ADORABLE DRAGON ?!! How can I ever go back, I do not think I can ever bring myself to read that fanfic again. It soothed the deepest part of my soul and I'm glad but nope, I refuse to bawl my eyes out all over again. I can never move on from this fanfic, as if all of this happened in the canon, UGH WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

[pyaari-naari]

Lagta hai dementors ne kiss kar diya hai mujhe chupke se.

Saari khushiyan hi gayab ho gayi. ☹️

[alwayshinny]

Harry Potter ⚡️

[stabbyapologist]

That's dark af!

But why did I laugh??

[iamnmbr3]

Me writing meta about Tom Riddle: *checks the book 3 times for accuracy, extrapolates based on the text, clearly denotes things that are just headcanons not specifically supported by evidence*

Albus Dumbledore writing meta about Tom Riddle: lol yeah idk his vibes were just always rancid. no i don't need to "cite my sources" wtf???

[garbagebinne]