#dead and mostly gay wizards

[starchaserdreams]

Sirius: you know, it's kinda flattering for me that you're dating my brother

James: how so?

Sirius: one of me as a best friend wasn't enough, you had to go and find a me to date too

[that-bitch-kat3]

snape stans will be like “but james bullied snape!”

like… yeah someone had to

[siriuslygay1981]

Click. Click. Clickclick-

Remus felt his agitation start to rise

Click. Clickcli-

His arm shoots out quickly and snatches the pen before he chucks it across the common room violently. He doesn't look up from his book even with the scandalized gasp and soft sound of the pen hitting the ground.

He turns the page and almost sighs in relief. His irritation slowly going away. Finally some peace and quiet.

Click.

His head whips to the side where Sirius holds another pen. He practically snarls as he slams his book shut, he looks at Sirius and crosses his arms.

"Sirius, for my sanity...what the fuck are you doing?" He hissss angrily

Sirius waves him off his finger drifting towards the back of the pen again. Remus latches onto his wrist and waits for Sirius to look at him. Sirius still looks out of it even as he slowly makes eye contact but he doesn't click the stupid pen again, so he counts it as a win.

"Spit it out or get rid of the pen." He gently takes the pen and shoves it in his robe pocket, now feeling concerned. What had Sirius so out of it?

"I just....do you think regulus has been seeing someone?" Sirius asks after a long period of silence. He stares at his hands and then to where Remus still holds him gently.

Remus let's go and sighs. He resists the urge to hex Sirius before taking a deep breath. He looks around the common room and doesn't see anyone who can take over this ridiculous conversation so he powers on. He shrugs nonchalantly, tries to figure out what he knows.

"why do you say that?"

Sirius shrugs and drums his fingers against the table in front of them. Remus twitches, his lips pursing together.

"Just..a feeling. He'd tell me if he was, wouldn't he?" He murmurs. He suddenly stills and whips his head towards Remus

"are you dating my brother!?"

It's such an absurd question, such a stupid silly thing to ask. Remus bursts into laughter, his stomach aches, he can barely breathe. By the time he's in tears he sees Sirius' put out look so he tries to calm down and take this seriously.

"Siri- Sirius please- what are you on about-" he shakes his head and wipes the tears from his eyes still grinning

"Lord no...no I'm not- what don't give me that look!" He exclaims

Sirius glowers at him and pouts, swiftly turning his body away from Remus in a childish way of saying 'im mad at you'.

"Did you want me to say yes!? Pads what is your problem?"

He turns towards Sirius with a raised eyebrow

"You said it as if he was gross! I thought you were best friends!"

Remus gaped at Sirius for a moment before pinching the bridge of his nose

"Pads...I can't believe I have to say this-" he takes a deep breath and exhales harshly

"I'm not attracted to your brother but he's still attractive...objectively."

Sirius scowls deeper and huffs

Remus thinks about jumping off the astronomy tower.

"now what's the problem?"

"Well...it's just weird you said he's attractive. He's younger than you and he's my brother!"

Remus' eye twitches

"One he's only a year younger and two he's of age- no wait- you were mad I didn't think he was attractive and now your mad I said he is?"

"Yes! Maybe I'll just go see prongs! He'd never be so terrible to me!"

Oh how wrong he was. Remus almost snorted, he watched as Sirius stomped out of the common room with fond eyes. He was irritated for sure but he was also highly amused.

Pulling out the map he quickly searches for James's name. He isn't surprised to see him far too close to one regulus black. Rolling his eyes he searches for Sirius and immediately chokes on a laugh

"Oh boy...that's not good."

[nikholascrow]

love the hc that James and Lily get divorced cause they realize they’re better off as friends but still raise harry together for awhile

like

Harry’s 14 and he sits James and Lily down to talk about something and he seems really stressed and then he blurts out that he’s bisexual and Lily just sighs dramatically and says “that ones on me-” and James goes “no, no me too- it really does run in the family huh-“

bouns:

lily: “He totally gets the liking rich stuck up Slytherins from you though James.”

[solemilyswear]

I’ve read most of the popular Jegulus fics like Art Heist, Baby!, Best Friend’s Brother, Crimson Rivers, and The Missing Link; and I expected it might make me a Jegulus shipper but instead I came out a moonwater shipper???

[lilyofthevalleyys]

I don’t think we talk about vulnerable James enough (or it could be just me). I mean the sunshine character who’s always there for everyone, with (what they think) no one there for them. We all know that right?

I’m going to put that into the context of Jegulus.

Regulus, who always thought of James as the sun, always happy and cheerful. Of course, he knows that James is still human too, but it’s easy to forget that.

When he first sees James, just exhausted and completely broken, he doesn’t know how to react. Granted, he never thought he’d be in this situation. He isn’t sure how James would react to him. So he quietly sits next to James, letting him get it all out.

James didn’t think the first person he’d break down to was Regulus. He’d always thought it’d be Sirius, Remus, Peter or even Lily. But he eventually goes silent, and they just sit there, staring at nothing.

That was the first time.

Over time, Regulus learnt to see cracks in James’ mask, strange actions and listless behaviours. He would seek him out then, in secret of course.

James liked Regulus’ way of comforting him. It was different from others. He would let him talk, let him cry, and if asked, hold him through it.

Regulus broke through his walls, and in return, James broke through Regulus’ cold mask.

And well, that was the start of a story.

[nartml]

Oh my fuck.

The entitlement some of you people in the fandom have. It's baffling. Absolutely mind-boggling.

Tell me, how the fuck were you raised and where exactly did you find this audacity? The sheer audacity.

Fanfiction is fucking free, it's beautiful, it's a community. It's an art.

So many people, including myself, go on and on about how amazing ao3 is and how insanely good the writers are.

The reason for this is, they do it because they love it. They hold such passion and love for it; the writing, the characters, the story. And they want to share it. They do it with their heart.

Now how dare you trample on it like this? Act as if you're entitled to it. As if you're fucking owed something, as if it's merely a product you paid for.

It's a gift and all you should be is motherfucking grateful, nothing less.

Not a curse word vile enough to convey what I feel exists.

Fuck yourselves.

[floralembarrassment]

Tutors (1/1) (jegulus)

He wasn't really sure how he could be so unlucky. He was supposed to be helping the 3rd and 4th years- the kids would need extra help to get caught up to be able to succeed in their OWLs. But no. Instead he was paired with a 6th year. A very boisterous 6th year whose father was a potions genius - it made not sense why Regulus would have to help... James.

He had already promised Slughorn, so here he was walking toward the potions classroom. A few ingredients in his back along with his regulus quills, ink, and books. He had his nose hidden in a very sweet and fantastical muggle novel that Sirius has got him when they came back to school. A note inside apologizing for leaving, for not being able to stay anymore, and an open invitation to help Regulus leave if and when he was ready. A note that made Regulus feel like at least he would still have his brother, if only he knew how to ask.

But of course the only person that really had Sirius was James. And James never had to ask. And James was so frustratingly annoying and charming that Regulus wanted to smack him upside the head to get him to stop beaming so brightly. James whose perfectly messy hair, and golden hazel eyes, and soft brown skin made it impossible to look at him. James who stole more than his brother from Regulus... but the other part he couldn't quite place what had been taken out of him by James.

Regulus closed his book as he stepped into the classroom. James was already there, scribbling feverishly onto a long scroll of parchment. His glasses were slipping down his face and his tongue was sticking out the side of his mouth, as he jotted down what looked like the final pieces of an essay. As Regulus approached the table and set down his things, James looked up at him. A bit of surprise on his face, almost like he hadn't heard Regulus come in, was quickly replaced by a wide grin.

"If it isn't Hogwarts' own potion master himself. Regulus Black in the flesh." Regulus was prepared for that to be a sarcastic but he was shocked to hear only sincerity and fondness in James' tone. His heart jumped into his throat.

"Potter," was all Regulus could get out. It worked in his favour though- curt and short. James cocked his head to survey Regulus and his eyes sparkled at him. "Well we better get started. I hear you are hopeless." Regulus muttered, happy his defences were clearly back up.

"I really am Reg, and my dad would never let me live it down." James replied softly. He leaned over to press his shoulder to Regulus' who was still standing, his chest just leaning on the table. "Best get your ingredients. Slughorn said you needed to practice the sleeping draught and calming potion."

"Yeah- need those to pass this year and they are common enough to be NEWTS." James said hoping down from the table. He came back and Regulus had pulled out his personal small vile of sage and lavender. "What are those? They aren't on the list are they?" Regulus looked over the ingredients James had picked out of the stores. His eyes trained in the table, he said; "no these are not part of the commercial brew, but they make both potions stronger and give an added aroma of peacefulness."

"Wow Reg, you are really good at this aren't you?" James said. Again no hint of sarcasm or surprise, just factual subjectivity.

"I do quite like potions actually. It's a bit like a puzzle to make it perfect and they all have their own personalities. There's also enough room for personal flare and preference. I like the mix of rules and malleability." Regulus said. When he realized he had given a bit more away than was asked, he quickly mumbled "sorry, you didn't want to know all that."

"No no, please tell me more. I really do not know how I passed my OWLs, you really know your stuff." James reassured. Regulus couldn't help himself; he looked up to meet James' gaze. Big mistake, because now he couldn't pull his eyes away from James'.

How was he so beautiful. It was striking. Normally Regulus would be annoyed, but right now in this space with just the two of them, and James' impressed and in-awe expression, Regulus found it difficult to be anything but touched by his warmth.

James seemed like he couldn't look away either. His lips parted slowly, and clearly without thinking he said, "I never noticed but Regulus your eyes- they are... you're so beautiful."

Regulus was shocked. He realized in that moment that it was his heart James had stolen all those years ago. He really wasn't sure how to process that or that James had just called him beautiful. He wasn't screaming but his heart was certainly hammering out of his chest. Strange he thought since it clearly belonged in James' hands. He shook his head and mumbled, "uhm right. Well we should get started."

"Oh yeah- right okay." James replied. And while they both spent the next few hours focused on the two potions, they did keep their shoulders pressed to each other's for the rest of the session.

[risetherivermoon]

one thing about planning a canon compliant fic surrounding barty is that i have to pull shit out of my ass for this

please i have barely anything to work with here

[murderoushagthesequel]

my favorite marauders ships and what songs i feel fit their vibes (mostly happy ones for this post i don't need the extra pain atm)

i feel like the reasoning for most of these is pretty obvious but if anybody wants an in-depth explanation i am always happy to go into way too much detail about songs and what they mean to me so ask away

rosekiller

Hayloft & Hayloft II by Mother Mother

Psycho Killer by Talking Heads (especially ahb rosekiller)

Sledgehammer by Peter Gabriel

Burning Down the House by Talking Heads

My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark by Fall Out Boy

Once In a Lifetime by Talking Heads

Topaz by The B-52's

Then I Met You by The Proclaimers

Angel With a Shotgun by The Cab

bury a friend by Billie Eilish

Romance Is Boring by Los Campesinos!

Life's a Bit by NOAHFINNCE

I Can't Decide by The Scissor Sisters

dorlene

Michelle by Sir Chloe

Sedona by Sir Chloe

Flirting with Her by Sir Babygirl

Would You Be So Kind by dodie

How Lovely by Reinaeiry

Boyfriend by Dove Cameron

Judas by Lady Gaga

Hollywood by MARINA

Alejandro by Lady Gaga

Chelsea Dagger by The Fratellis

New Americana by Halsey

Obsessed With You by The Orion Experience

Girls in Bikinis by Poppy

jegulus

Midnight Rain by Taylor Swift

Gilded Lily by Cults

Inside Out by Bears in Trees

Curses by The Crane Wives

Getaway Car by Taylor Swift

Timothée Chalamet by The Foxies

Murders by ミラクルミュージカル

Never Say Never by Romeo Void

Rose-Colored Boy by Paramore

Cry with you by Jeremy Zucker

Ruler of Everything by Tally Hall

Je ne parle pas français by Namika

Meteor Shower by Cavetown

wolfstar

Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy by Queen

Under Pressure by Queen & David Bowie

The Prettiest Star by David Bowie

Mr Loverman by Ricky Montgomery

Daddy Issues by The Neighbourhood

The Chain by Fleetwood Mac

Me and You and a Dog Named Boo by Lobo

Nancy Mulligan by Ed Sheeran

Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince by Taylor Swift

My Type by Saint Motel

Lent by Autoheart

Please Mr. Postman by The Marvelettes

(They Long To Be) Close To You by Carpenters

marylily

we fell in love in october by girl in red

bad idea by girl in red (esp just lovers marylily)

Kiss Her You Fool by Kids That Fly

Sappho by Frankie Cosmos

Buzzkill by Baby Queen

Dancing Queen by ABBA

Just Another Day by Lady Gaga

Record Player by Daisy the Great & AJR

Sunshine On My Shoulders by John Denver

Crush by Tessa Violet

If You Want To by beabadoobee

Girls Like Girls by Hayley Kiyoko

Put Your Records On by Ritt Momney

honorary mention because i kept finding songs that reminded me of them:

pandalily

space girl by Frances Forever

Chiquitita by ABBA

Moment In The Sun by Sunflower Bean

Manic Pixie Dream Girl by Addison Grace

Thank God You Introduced Me to Your Sister by Sarah Barrios

Lavender by Penelope Scott

UrbanAngel1999 by Thomas Headon

Rhiannon by Fleetwood Mac

[starchaserdreams]

In case anyone thought I was kidding about printing out AO3 comments and sticking them on my fridge, I WAS NOT.

[starslovechasers]

Rotten work

Remus Lupin would never forget how it felt finding out that his Padfoot, murdered his best friends.

It was a dreary November afternoon. He had returned from a classified mission for the Order of the Phoenix.** James and Lily had been hidden for months in an undisclosed location, so he wasn’t expecting to be reunited with them, not for a while at least. He had returned to headquarters, only to be surprised at the lack of hustle-and-bustle it usually held.

Searching the hallways and rooms for anyone, he almost hit Mary McDonald smack in the face.

He smiled. He was home. But something wasn’t right.

Sweet Mary. Her brown eyes had deep coloured circles, swelled with redness that could only be caused by tears. Remus knew something terribly wrong had happened.

‘You haven’t heard.’ Her silky voice cracked, a small break that caused Remus to feel a deep sense of dread, because no one could have prepared him for what he heard next.

He fell to his knees. Remus has spent so long trying to stay strong for them, for his family. But at that point in time, he felt the weight of the world he had been holding for so long, crush him.

Mary wasn’t finished, he knew there was more. He tried to calm his breathing to look at her. He needed to know everything, he needed to do something. He needed to get to them.

Oh James. Oh Lily.

Harry.

Where was Harry in all this?

“Sirius… does he.. Have Harry? Is Harry okay? Sirius is his godfather-’

‘Remus-’

‘Sirius can look after Harry-”

‘Remus…’

‘He can do it, I know he can-’

‘REMUS!’

Remus stopped.

He met Mary’s eyes, her teary eyes had softened. Not a look of anger, a look of pity.

All that could be heard was the strong ringing that filled Remus’ ears that could only be caused by betrayal.

At that moment, Remus couldn’t hold it in anymore. He let out a blood-curdling scream. He sobbed and hit the floor, he hit and banged so hard it ought to break.

There was no silencing charm on the room, so if there was anyone else in the building they would barge in at any moment, but there was no one.

There was no one left to barge in.

***

Thirteen years ago, Remus Lupin lost three of his best friends. More than that, his family. Not only did he lose his family, he lost the love of his life in one of the greatest betrayals known to man. His partner, his best friend, his love. Sirius Black.

For thirteen years, he mourned a love that burnt him so badly it marked his bones.

He mourned his family, James Potter, one of his first and only friends. One of his friends who made him feel okay in his skin despite its scars.

Lily Potter, one of the sweetest girls he would ever know, one of the only other people who he was comfortable to tell anything to. The couple had done nothing but love and adore him. He watched them grow and fall in love with each other despite years of scepticism and banter. He learnt what love was through Lily and James Potter. Not only did they love each other effortlessly, they loved all of their friends to a fault. He shared his secrets with them, he shared his soul, and he lost them. Not to anyone, but to someone who had known the most raw parts of him, from his soul to his skin and his scars. Lily and James Potter had died at the hands of their closest friend.

At least that’s what Remus Lupin thought.

Here he stood, thirteen years later. With their killer who had the same face as the teenage boy he once loved. Except he was not their killer.

***

Sirius Black had spent the last thirteen years in Azkaban paying the price for what Peter Pettigrew did. He was not able to mourn his family because he was busy being blamed for the murder of them.

Now Remus Lupin had to figure out how to cope with the truth. Could he do it?

He had his arm wrapped around the shoulders of Sirius who clung to his waist, limping alongside him. They didn’t speak for much of the journey, there had been too much to say but neither of the men knew how to say it.

They walked into Remus’ empty apartment.

‘Make yourself at home.’ He mumbled, although he didn’t intend for it to come out that way. The irony was not lost on him, considering he had bought the apartment after he had left Hogwarts.

With Sirius.

Remus lowered Sirius gently on the couch. He watched him observe the apartment, a distant look lingering in his eyes.

‘Hasn’t changed much, has it Moony? Someone was a little lazy while I was in Azkaban!’ He let out a damaged laugh. Remus tried not to wince. Banter was not new for them, but it was for the men they were now, this was uncharted territory. How are you meant to speak to someone you loved who you believed for over a decade had betrayed you?

Pity there wasn’t a class for this in Hogwarts.

Sirius’ gaze softened when he saw Remus’ cautious reaction, he reached for Remus’ hand.

‘Moony.’ He almost sounded pleading.

‘I think you should shower, I'll get you a fresh set of clothes.’ Remus turned on his heel. He didn’t give Sirius a moment to react, he needed a moment. Once he reached his room, he shut his door quietly and leaned his forehead against it.

A single tear slipped down his face and he took a breath to calm himself. He is innocent. Remus reminded himself. He needed to remember. He heard Sirius shuffle up off the couch. He held his breath hearing him pause outside the bedroom door.

Not yet, please. Remus thought. I’m not ready.

As if Sirius had heard him telepathically, he continued past the door into the bathroom. Remus waited, cautiously listening. He heard the shower tap turn on. He let out a gentle sigh. At least he could take these few moments to calm his pounding heart.

After all this time, Sirius Black controlled every part of him.

He began looking through his drawers for a set of clothes that would do. Unfortunately, not much would fit Sirius, he concluded. Sirius had always had a more slender, smaller figure than Remus but since he had been in Azkaban he had gotten significantly smaller. His cheeks were more hollowed out and his collarbones stuck out like knives. Surely he would be able to find a pair of pyjamas that would suffice.

His search for acceptable pyjamas was cut short but a sharp scream caused every muscle in Remus to freeze. He immediately dropped what he was doing and ran to the bathroom. He shoved the door open to see Sirius bent over, wincing in the shower.

‘Sirius?’ He whispered, approaching the shower. His eyes widened at the sight, Sirius’ chest was covered in scars and cuts that seemed to be reopening under the hot water. Sirius couldn’t face him, he was heaving, on the verge of collapse.

Remus ripped a towel off the rack and wrapped the man up, his free hand turned off the shower. Soaking his jumper in the process- but he didn’t care. He helped a whimpering Sirius out of the shower and placed him down on the edge of the bathtub.

‘We don't have to talk about it.’ Remus sat next to him on the bathtub.

‘I’m not ready to yet.’ Sirius’ lips trembled, his hands rubbed gently at his chest. Remus took his hand, pulling it away from the raw skin.

‘That's okay. Let me help.’ Remus whispered. He gave Sirius’ hand a gentle squeeze before letting go to reach for a wash-cloth. He stood up, turning the tap on. He tested the water with his hand before running the cloth under the water, once it was damp he sat back down next to Sirius who hesitated.

‘You don’t have to do this.’ Sirius reached for his arm.

‘I want to.’

‘It’s rotten work.’

‘Not to me, not if it's you.’ Remus spoke effortlessly. Sirius nodded.

He stood up and moved the towel to reveal his chest, adjusting it so it only covered his waist.

Remus ran his eyes over the scars covering his chest, he tried to do it in a way that didn’t make Sirius uncomfortable but he had to assess the damage. He watched Sirius shiver.

He took the cloth and gently began to tend to Sirius’ cuts. The two men sat quietly, Sirius watched Remus clean the cuts up, and Remus tried to avoid Sirius eyes as he did so. Remus felt warmth spread over his cheeks under Sirus’ gaze, he always did have that effect. He rolled his sleeves up upon completion and leaned over the sink to ring out the wash-cloth.

‘There definitely could have been a spell to fix that, you know Moony.’ Sirius’ voice was still weak, but a soft chuckle from him made Remus fight the urge to smile.

‘I didn’t want to risk hurting you.’ Remus turned back to him and Sirius’ eyes caught on his wrist. Remus looked down to see what he was looking at and felt anxiety sweep him, ‘That’s nothing, don’t look at that.’ He stumbled over his words, sweeping his shirt back down his wrist but Sirius was too fast, he grabbed it.

‘What is this Remus.’ It wasn’t a question.

‘I think you know.’ He whispered.

‘Remus. Why do you have a tattoo of a star.’ His voice sounded heavy in his throat, his eyes remained glued to Remus’ wrist.

‘Not just any star.’

‘The brightest one.’ They both whispered at the same time.

Sirius’ eyes flicked up to Remus’ for the first time since Remus had entered that bathroom. Remus tried to avoid his gaze but felt drawn to it, he couldn’t resist looking at Sirius Black anymore.

‘You got a muggle tattoo of Sirius? Of my Star?’ Sirius questioned, but it sounded an awful lot like pleading.

‘I did.’

‘Why-’

‘Why do you think Sirius?’ He cut him off. He hoped his soft tone didn’t reflect his heart pounding in his chest but at this point, he wasn’t too sure Sirius couldn’t hear it.

‘After all this time?’ Sirius’ face was unreadable.

‘Always.’

They both paused. They both wanted to let the silence linger for a moment.

‘What about you?’ Remus tried not to gulp.

Sirius sat there for another moment, just staring at Remus. Remus feared he might never speak again.

‘Always.’

That was all Remus needed to hear before his lips were on Sirius’ for the first time in thirteen years.

Remus took Sirius’ face into his hands, kissing him with the same passion, the same electricity as the first time they kissed. Almost like nothing had changed. Sirius melted into Remus’ touch almost instantly. He threw his arms around Remus’ neck. No matter how close they were, it never felt like it could be enough. No one dared to break the kiss.

Remus pulled Sirius with him up, pressing him against the wall. They pulled and touched each other as if they were almost trying to get into eachothers skin. Remus was a part of Sirius and vice versa. They had always made sense, they had always meshed together perfectly. They were too halves of the same whole and they were finally reunited. They both pulled away, panting. They struggled to catch their breaths but neither of them cared. Their foreheads leaned against each other.

‘Please, don’t leave me again.’ Remus whispered, his thumbs traced the lines on Sirius’ face.

‘Anything for my Moony.’ Sirius whispered against his lips, a soft laugh followed his words.

Remus pulled back, and he could have sworn Sirius let out a whine. He took Sirius’ hand and led him out of the bathroom.

‘Let's get you some clothes.’

‘Always the fun police.’

They were together, and they were home.

[siriuslygay1981]

Don't look too closely guys 🙏🏼 but here's regulus and Pandora. Also my art style is changing so it's in an awkward stage! Also I haven't done much digital art so you guys get the bad quality picture from my sketchbook.

"Some souls just understand each other upon meeting."

[adharastarlight]

*Once James makes headboy but honestly before that too*

Student: I love you James Potter!

James: and I love you, random student!!!

[abunchobirds]

child of the stars - fish in a birdcage

[foursaints]

hi <3

first of all, i wanted to tell you i'm always stalking your blog (in a non creepy way) because i love everything about it. mostly i love how you use your big brain™️ to share some insanely detailed headcanons about some silly dead gay wizards (i mean that in the nicest way possible. i'm a little bit in love with you actually . anyway i'm digressing)

second of all, i wanted to know if you could share some of your thoughts about bartylily🤲🏻 because i'm fairly sure you're the main reason i'm hooked on them

much love <333

ANYTHING for bartylily... lately i've been attached to the idea of a college au where they're Rival Campus Radio Station Hosts.

barty is a spectacularly unmotivated senior who dropped out of a prestigious engineering degree to study practical SFX for horror movies instead. everyone has vague, peripheral knowledge of him after an incident where he was found passed out naked in the campus fountain. his apartment with the slytherins isn't technically a frat house but there's a structure in the kitchen affectionately referred to as the "Leaning Tower of Miller Lite" & barty has a nearly imperceptible crescent-shaped chip in his front tooth from a keg-standing mishap. he wears a lot of chains and has several john carpenter themed tattoos and he REEKS like cigarettes. so many pairs of mystery panties turn up in his laundry hamper that his housemates have started calling it the Lost And Found.

he has a deeply beloved & charmingly unpolished radio show in the primetime spot which mostly consists of him having his friends on, spotlighting terrible underground bands, and making drily ironical, beautifully mean jabs.

lily is an overzealous sophomore who's triple-majoring in three equally unmarketable degrees (it's, like, polisci & international affairs & communications) who's blessed with the gift of taking every single thing that happens on campus WAY too serious. she runs their Model UN like it's the navy. she's the RA who is always marching around her floor in a spaghetti-strap tanktop & bunny slippers with a scrunchie on her wrist, shaking her fist at people. there was a period following her breakup with james where she was literally reading Machiavelli for inspiration. she's right on the precipice of the cool-girl academic meltdown that will lead to Serious Character Growth, but she isn't quite there yet.

her well-made and well-researched radio show is relegated to the midnight timeslot, and even though all her friends listen to it she probably got into a spat with them for saying something along the lines of "obviously i dont care if its just YOU listening to it, remus!!!". she hate-listens to barty's show which she considers (lily voice) An Affront To Collegiate Journalism

they trade barbs at every function and absolutely nobody but the two of them takes their insane imaginary Radio Beef even remotely serious whatsoever. but it's dead serious TO THEM!!! lily is probably camping out in actual bushes with actual binoculars to sabotage his show, and the worst part is that it's actually working. she ISN'T obsessed with him (shut up!!!!!), and barty is mostly just aggravated on principle that the Uptight Lowerclassman Ruining His Life has such nice legs.

and they absolutely bone like crazy about it