#disabled and in need of assistance

[oliveasaltylife]

I got a celiac diagnosis on Thursday after having unresolved GI issues for my entire life that pediatric specialists just labeled as “overweight.” The pediatric specialists (at UCLA nonetheless) told me I was anemic and then didn’t run any further diagnostics. And now, 20-some odd years later, I have confirmation with my celiac gene and extreme response to gluten!

My current doctor said it’s also still possible I go on to develop (or have already developed) Crohn’s Disease because of the damage that gluten has done to my gut! Wow! Fun!

Also my on/off lifelong butt and thigh rash is likely dermatitis herpetiformis from my autoimmune response to gluten. Which makes a lot of sense as it tended to clear up when I periodically went gluten free. Funny how that works.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad I have more information, but fuuuuuuck I was not really prepared for a celiac diagnosis. And because I’m so sensitive, my husband and I have to replace basically everything in our kitchen to avoid any cross contamination. I’m talking new pots & pans, silverware, knives, bakeware, Tupperware containers, baking sheets, glassware, cutting boards, and utensils—everything that’s scratched and can trap gluten, which is like 90% of our kitchenware. We can’t afford this shit so we’re going to have to put it on my credit cards.

If anyone is able to help out at all with the cost of making our kitchen celiac friendly and totally gluten free, my Venmo is linked at the bottom. I also have ko-fi and buymeacoffee but I haven’t started using them yet.

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[varian-ross-horror-author]

"Disabled people should be allowed to be as independent as we can be" and "disabled people should not be pressured to be hyper-independent in order to not wind up in nursing homes against our will" are two thoughts that can, and should, exist at the same time.

[genderqueerdykes]

multiply disabled intersex trans lesbian needs help with power bill during brutally hot summer

hello there, my name is equinox, im a multiply disabled intersex trans person who is currently in need of saving up to pay for their electric bill. i am dealing with a hiatal hernia which has been making it extremely difficult to sit upright for long periods of time. i have been dealing with severe gastro intestinal pain for about a month now, as well as getting very sick in the stomach after most meals i eat. i am seeing a GI specialist in a month to address the issues, but until then, i need help making sure i can secure enough money to pay my electric bill. i also deal with schizophrenia, hypermobile ehlers danlos, degenerative disc disease and other health complications. it has been very hot where i have i am living, routinely getting up to 100 F/38 C or higher, which has been making my symptoms worse.

if you are interested in helping, you can do so in the following ways:

$0/$54.97

cash app: $glitterGraphix pay pal: glittergraphicnightmare @ gmail .com chime: $Equinoxian venmo: $Equinoxian

[mousedetective]

PAYPAL | AMAZON WISHLIST | KOFI | GOFUNDME

09/06/24 - Updated Post!

IMPORTANT: WE HAVE SECURED NEW HOUSING AND NEED MAJOR HELP!

My mother and I are both overdrawn (my mom by $210, me by $517) with charges on both accounts that are going to be retried in a few days. My large loan payment also defaulted, but my loan company agreed not to do automatic withdrawals on my account so I can put money in when I have it; however, my balance has gone back up to $1890. We need help covering the overdrafts and the loan payments.

The rest of the money will go to pay a mover to help us get stuff out of our larger units. We have another month on the units that a friend paid for but we need to try and clear out all three units we have by October 1st. My mom is worn out so any help I can have with a mover getting stuff out and bringing it up the stairs would be great.

We also need to raise $1300 to get work done on our car; our brakes were failing and we got those fixed but there was a secondary, less important problem that we still need to take care of (pinion axle or something like that) that we need to do $500 down to get the part. So some of the money will go to that, too.

Two urgent needs off our Amazon wishlist we need are the incontinence underwear and the lightbulbs. Our overhead light has no bulbs that work, and my daughter needs three more bulbs in her lamp. The rest will be saved to replace them. If anyone can help get the dresser as well, that would be much appreciated and would help my daughter get more space in her room.

Any reblogs of this post, monetary help or buying things from our Amazon wishlist would be so helpful. We're almost on our feet and hopefully we won't need as much help in the future. Thank you very much for reading, and have a pleasant day!

$12/$5000

[uncanny-tranny]

"Why does this thing exist, people are so lazy!"

Disabled people both exist, and also.... even if it's "laziness", "laziness" is not a sin. People should be able to do anything with any level of assistance. Just because the way you exist is the way that is "normal" doesn't mean that it is Right and Divine

[sickly-sapphic]

i think the able to work to unable to work spectrum is more of an actual spectrum than people like to realise. like, yeah, overall you do either fit into able to work and unable to work, and yes there's a privellege that comes with the former that definitely deserves acknowledgement, and there's unqiue ableism and discrimination faced by the latter.

however, ability to work itself is a spectrum. there's people who are completely able to work - there's no hinges or what ifs or anything like that. then there's people able to work, but it's environment-focused. they can only work from home, they can only work in quiet spaces, they can't work outside. then there's ability to work but it hinges on what the physical expectations are - they can work as long as there's no heavy lifting, they can only work sitting down, they can only work if there's no talking required.

and then there's also people able to work, yes, but it will completely change how their life and disabilities function. people who can work but if they do, they will need hours or days of rest between shifts, or they'll need a caretaker to see to every need due to exhaustion and flares from working.

i think while its important to talk about how disability affects those who cannot work, under any circumstance, i think the "able to work, technically" group also needs more advice-sharing, talking amongst the community and supports aimed towards them

[daftpatience]

one thing I have learned about being poor is that you cannot for a moment stop thinking about it

[rasairui]

I think anybody who thinks autism is more "accepted" nowadays is either in denial or can't see outside themselves. What we actually did is just popularize a really weird infantilized perception of autism that focuses on the symptoms that can be repackaged as "cute" or "quirky," and are continuing to treat people with inconvenient or even upsetting symptoms like garbage. And no I'm not talking about bigots who pull the "I'm literally neurodivergent" bs I'm talking about supposed allies telling me I'm acting like a child for getting too emotional when I literally have "Can't Regulate My Emotions" disorder, or that I'm moving weird, or that my voice never has the right tone to it. Sorry my autism doesn't stop and end at hand flapping and dinosaurs lmao I can gaurantee I'm not enjoying my meltdown any more than you are, buddy! In fact, I'd say I'm having a far worse time than you! I do not make a choice to be emotionally volatile nor do I feel good when I get upset. It's not my fault that emoting "properly" is a performance that takes energy and I really can't do it 100% of the time. Like idk it honestly feels like I still have to mask in supposedly progressive spaces just in a different way.

And of course this doesn't even start to get into people with higher support needs than me who are rarely acknowledged unless they themselves are doing it. It's one of the reasons those posts that are like "Do you think neurodivergence is just autism/adhd, and not (heavily stigmatized other disorder)?" rub me the wrong way. They always seem to be addressing the most sanitized version of autism possible which strikes me as counter intuitive to the point being made. And don't get me wrong, as a system I understand why it's being said but it just really frustrates me because the people these posts are about don't actually think severe cases of autism or adhd are neurodivergence either! They treat higher support needs people with the same disorders like shit!

No I do not think anyone who's ever made a post like that is a bad person nor do I expect every post to have a disclaimer containing every possible nuance but I do think a lot of them are not written with the existence of high support needs or "weird" autism symptoms in mind, which inadvertently feeds into this "palatable autism" thing people keep doing

[definitely-not-a-wasp]

Hey remember when the flock went to Disney World and they gave Iggy a cane/sunglasses so Total could be disguised as a seeing dog??? And then they just?? Never brought up assistive devices again???? Didn’t use that as a moment for Iggy to realize that he had resources available or for the flock to figure out better accommodations for their disabled friend??? Just made these real life aides into a disguise????

What the fuck was up with that???????

[soothebellss]

gentle reminder that your local pokemon center has free resources for pokemon healthcare, grooming, behavioral training, food, housing, etc for those who need it

[voidoffline]

Sigh… the deep want and desire to have some sort of mobility aid so I can go out places and hang out with my friends and just exist in public areas. Hang out with my friends as teenagers are supposed to do. Socialize and have fun.

Yet the arrow shooting down those wants and desires as I ask and ask and am told every time to wait for the words of a doctor. Told to wait months and months thinking maybe, maybe this time I will know what’s wrong with me, or at least someone will go ‘Yeah, you need a mobility aid’ instead of ‘no no, wait to see what another doctor/specialist says.’ Over and over.

Oh to be a disabled person with a mobility aid. That’s the dream, right there. A dream that feels so fucking far away…

[cpunkwitch]

I just paid my visa and this is what I have left. I still owe my visa, my parents are charging me rent, I need to save *something* and I don't get paid again till the week after next.

Before anyone points it out yes it's edited, I did that on purpose to avoid giving away information like my card numbers and account name. (Plus the charge on my visa won't change yet since I *just* paid it so I made that edit to show the difference it *should* be now)

I take art commissions, if my commission prices are high for you I take paid doodle Requests, I do tarot readings, I sell hand woven pride bracelets, I sell prints of my art both fanwork and original and I offer plenty more over on my store.

I need to pay for meds, aids, rent, food and plenty of other things. I should have gone clothing shopping for actual summer clothing but I have not been able to. I have gotten heat stroke at least 3 times and I'm still recovering from a nasty sunburn that's probably scaring my shoulder. I would have liked to get new shorts for work because my uniform is entirely black and there's days I have to walk to work in the sun but I don't have the money for clothing.

Seriously anything is a huge help right now and greatly appreciated.

I physically cannot handle a second part time job and even if I could it's really hard to find work that will actually take people in let alone a place I can work in healthily and accommodated with accessibility.

I prioritize peoples orders over my own projects, so you can be assured I will be focused on your commission/order/request.

My Kofi is free to check out below, you can also find my work on @spirits-art, @shutterbuged and cassderolo on Instagram

Again anything helps. Thank you /g

[mousedetective]

PAYPAL | AMAZON WISHLIST | KOFI | GOFUNDME

09/15/24 - New Post!

IMPORTANT: WE HAVE SECURED NEW HOUSING AND NEED MAJOR HELP!

We have housing! We are trying to get things moved out of our three storage units so we can put our crafting stuff for my mom's (hopeful) at home business in the smallest/cheapest unit, and get rid of the two units in Fallbrook and condense to one smaller unit at our current storage space in Carlsbad. However, there is a slight problem.

The plumbing job where they were supposed to replace the piping in our apartment has been postponed until we don't know when (and so far, no one will tell us anything except it has to do with permit issues), and that means we can't bring over as much of our furniture as we had wanted until it's done. Basically our whole back wall of our dining area and the larger kitchen wall/cabinets (as well as the bathroom) need to be clear of stuff. So we can bring in some of the bedroom furniture, but not all of the rest. So if I can raise about $2000 now, I can get the movers to move some of the stuff we need to the new apartment and maybe get stuff moved from the smaller unit to the big one once we clear it out.

Any reblogs of this post, monetary help or buying things from our Amazon wishlist would be a huge help.. We're almost on our feet and hopefully we won't need as much help in the future. Thank you very much for reading, and have a pleasant day!

TOTAL GOAL: $3010/$5500

IMMEDIATE GOAL: $1000/$2500

[maniackllrr]

Important, please, my fiancé & I are disabled & trans in a red state, and facing eviction.

Look, I hate talking about this stuff. But I am very, very afraid.

So, my apartment complex recently did a BUNCH of road work, and my two friends came to visit us. They moved the caution cones blocking the road work and drove over it. They now both face fines & court issues.

BUT My fiancé and I now also face consequences. Mind you, we were not in the car, we didn’t move the cones, we were NOT involved in them doing that in any way. BUT our apartment complex says it is our fault our “guests” (friends) did this, and now says that we face eviction. They say it’s in our lease that if our guests do something do damage property or cause issues, it’s our fault.

They plan on having the owner inspect our apartment on Monday, and we’ll know then if we face eviction.

If we are kicked out, we will be banned from the property. The ONLY other person we could possibly live with ALSO LIVES IN THIS APARTMENT COMPLEX. If we are evicted, we will be homeless.

I’m asking for help to raise money quickly in order to prevent this from happening. For legal fees, or a home, whatever comes first. Please, please, consider helping us.

My cash app is $cryptidlyy.

If you can’t help, please boost the message.

[donnieisaprettyboy]

once told somebody that I don’t think I could ever live on my own because of my autism and they said “don’t say that! I bet you could do it!” like. no I’m telling you I am not the kind of autistic person that can live alone. I will forget to feed myself and drink water and my space would constantly be a disaster and I wouldn’t go around people hardly ever and I’d forget basic hygiene.

I’m so lucky to have a partner who helps me with self care like this through assistance and reminders because otherwise I’d be totally fucked.