#i don't have the right kind of sausage but i think i still have a veg version recipe somewhere

[battywitch]

Well shit. I had the urge to make cinnamon rolls (never made before) but just realized I don't think I have yeast and I'm still out of cream cheese (for the icing)

[tangylemonade]

NO ONE ELSE

Jeonghan x afab reader

(The reader wears feminine clothes and is referred to as pretty etc.)

18+ MINORS DNI (istg 🫵🏾 ಠ_ಠ if I catch you)

Word count: 9.7k

꧁ ☂︎ (angst) & ⚠︎ (smut) w/ a pinch of ☁︎ (fluff) ꧂

WARNING: unprotected sex (don't forget the casing before you stuff your sausage), kidnapping, cursing, description of abuse, Jeonghan smokes, Jeonghan’s in a gang, mentions of injuries, reader has toxic parents. Please let me know if I missed anything.

P.s. I am aware that it’s no longer recommended to wrap fractured ribs but my goodness let me have this （•‿•）

You were never a one night stand kind of person.

It felt too… vulnerable. Too scary.

You didn’t know how to just give yourself to someone you don’t even know. To trust them with a raw view of you. To trust them with something so intimate.

It had been a long week. A long month. A long year.

You were beyond exhausted and quite honestly ready for a change.

Falling asleep filled with that expensive bottle of wine you never felt special enough to drink you woke up with a fire in your heart. A spark that needed kindling.

And now on this tepid Wednesday morning while you laid in bed long past your alarm you felt more energized than ever.

Getting up you showered before finally checking your phone. Your boss called and you had a few text messages from your coworkers.

You lied about being up all night with fever and called out sick. You’d never done anything of the sorts before so no one even questioned it. One coworker even offered to bring you soup which you politely declined.

You did a face mask that claimed to plump your skin and after that you put on a little makeup. Standing in a lingerie set you bought at some point for a boyfriend you never even slept with, you tried on your only pair of heels.

No one would see you like this tonight except yourself but you didn’t mind at all. It still made you feel sexy, something you hardly thought about yourself.

Digging in the depths of your closet you found that one dress you kept tucked away for special occasions. Your heart did a little flip thinking that maybe it didn’t fit anymore but thankfully with a little shimmy as you pulled up the form fitting dress it still fit like a glove.

Catching a glimpse of yourself in the mirror on the way out the door you did a double take. The dress fit you perfectly, accentuating your every curve nicely. Your hair was done and all together with some makeup on you felt pretty. The prettiest you’d felt in a long long time.

You couldn’t help smiling.

Rasasy was a small restaurant that you’d often pass by but never went into. It always looked lovely and quaint and the scent would carry through the street making you hungry on your way home.

It was quiet with a few people enjoying their dinners while chatting away happily with their partners.

The food took its time coming as it was cooked upon order but it was completely worth it.

Taking another bite you looked around taking in the atmosphere. Soft piano music was playing quietly and the booth you were sitting in was warm and cozy.

You found yourself looking to see if you were the only person eating alone. In a beat your eyes locked with a man who must’ve been the most beautiful person you’d ever seen. Sitting alone at the table to your right he took a sip of his red wine before giving you a disarming smile.

Without too much unnecessary thought you smiled at him and went back to your meal with your heart a flutter.

When you were finished you called the waitress to ask for the check. While you waited you glanced over at the beautiful man’s table but he was gone.

Your heart sank a bit and you shook your head laughing at yourself. What would you even say anyway?

“The bill was already paid for.” The waitress said with a smile.

“Paid for? Why? By who?” you said.

Somehow you already knew.

“The gentleman at table 3. He requested that you’d be given this note as well.”

“Thank you.” You whispered, feeling a little giddy.

The waiter simply smiled with a knowing twinkle in her eyes before heading away.

You waited until you got in your car, buckled in, started it, and took a deep breath before mustering the courage to unfold the note and read it.

-

Hello gorgeous

I didn't want to bother you because you looked so peaceful. I’d love to join you next time.

Jeonghan

+82-3-067-1005

-

The handwriting was a little sloppy yet had a unique elegance to it.

As you moved the paper you caught a whiff of a heavenly scent. Was that how he smelt?

Something regal…like an aromatic green tea and…. cigarettes. Not the cheap kind, the expensive ones that smelled sweet and warm.

“Oh who am I kidding.” You said to yourself with a wistful sigh before tucking the note into your bag. You often talked to yourself aloud to sort your thoughts.

“The lighting at the restaurant was very dim and romantic. Maybe he’s just drunk and lonely. Maybe he’s just playing a game. Maybe he has fun every night and I seemed like an easy target because I was alone and looked pitiful.”

But then a different thought popped into your head.

It came as a whisper.

‘Maybe… just maybe he wants to get to know me.’

The little thought echoed through your head silencing the others while turning your face vibrant with warmth.

Tomorrow. You’d call tomorrow.

☾

Pacing back and forth you couldn’t decide when the moment was right.

What if he thinks you’re a freak for calling so early? Maybe you should wait another day so you don’t seem desperate. Maybe you should’ve called last night and he doesn't even remember you. Maybe you could just text him? Maybe…

You hit call and squeezed your eyes shut while the phone rung.

“Hello?”

A voice filled your ear, soft and smooth

“Oh sorry Hi! Uhm this is Y/N. From last night. You gave me your number…” you heard yourself starting to ramble and wanted to die.

“Wow! I didn’t think you’d call.”

Your face fell in horror.

“Oh my I’m so sorry I-“

“I’m happy you did. I was sure you thought I was a weirdo or something. I felt so stupid but I figured you were worth the try.”

Your words caught in your throat while you tried to process everything.

“Hello? Are you still there?” He asked tentatively over the line.

“Yeah.”

Your words came out in a bit of a whisper.

“Perfect! So… do you want to get coffee or…”

“Yeah. Oh uhm yeah coffee would be- I could always drink coffee.”

“Are you busy? We could meet up today?”

“No, I'm off. How about Colvers? It’s new but I heard they make good coffee and the sandwiches aren’t half bad.”

“That sounds great! How does 2:30 sound?”

“Great!”

You caught yourself sounding a little too enthusiastic and tried to tone it down. “So.. I’ll uhm see you there?”

“See you.” He said with a light chuckle before hanging up.

A date. You have a date. A beautiful, gorgeous date.

“I’m gonna vomit!” you declared, collapsing on your bed with a groan.

You laid there for a little bit playing in your hair and suddenly giggling like a little school girl before hopping up and heading to the shower. You hummed the whole way through as you dolled yourself up and sorted through your things in an attempt to find the best and prettiest casual clothing you owned.

Checking the time you did your final touches before rushing out the door in fear of being late even though you were leaving early.

You arrived 30 minutes early and thanked god for your insight because it was a little busy but you still managed to find a good table.

You ordered their signature sandwich as a late breakfast, hoping you could finish it before he got there.

The sandwich took a little while to come but god was it worth it. You chewed with your eyes closed, savoring the warm and spicy goodness.

“Can I have a bite?”

You nearly choked as your eyes flew open at the sound of a smooth and sultry voice.

You quickly chewed and swallowed, taking a swig of your water. Your eyes pricked with tears as you forced the not fully masticated bite down.

“Have you considered filming a commercial? The way you’re eating makes that look really good.” He said with a smile that made you feel a little (a lot) hot around the collar.

“Sorry. I skipped breakfast.” You sort of mumbled as you self-consciously set your sandwich on your plate. “I don't drink coffee well on an empty stomach so I figured I’d eat before you got here.”

“Same. Can I have a bite?”

You blinked at him. “A bite?”

“Can’t I?” He did a head tilt that would’ve seemed innocent if not for that sparkle in his dark brown eyes.

You nodded slowly and slid the plate towards him with a hand that was now shaking a bit.

He picked up the sandwich, turning it around and looking at it before taking a bite right where you had.

Your mouth watered as you watched him chew.

Fighting yourself to look back at his eyes you saw something mischievous reflecting back at you that sent your skin fluttering with goosebumps.

He chewed slowly before swallowing and swiping the corner of his lips with his thumb.

“This really is good.”

“Yeah uhm.. do you want to order one…” you said, raising your hand to call the waiter.

He grabbed your hand and pulled it down to the table with a smile.

“Nah it’s okay. I’ll just steal more of yours, only if you don’t mind of course.”

He looked at you waiting for a response.

“Oh I don’t mind.” You said, not entirely sure why it didn’t bother you when you weren’t normally a big sharer. That was one of the reasons you were so lonely. It feels hard to give these days.

The waiter brought over an icy glass, setting it in front of Jeonghan and physically cutting the tension that was building as you watched him take another bite.

He sipped the cold glass of tea, his pink lips wrapping around the straw.

“Oh that looked good! What is it?” You asked as you picked up the sandwich and took a bite, your bite overlapping with his. You internally rolled your eyes as your heart did a little skip. What were you, in grade school?

But why did the sandwich taste even better this time?

“Want to try?”

“What is it?”

“Iced green tea honey and no cream. It’s good.” He said while pushing the glass towards you.

“Ohh sounds good.”

You weren’t sure if it really did sound good or if the thought of wrapping your own lips around his straw was clouding your common sense.

What in the world was this man doing to your dormant and CLEARLY desperate body?

You hesitated for a moment, looking up at him and catching his gaze again.

Without a second thought you put your lips around his straw taking a quick sip, the cool drink washing through your now hot body.

Jeonghan watched you for your reaction and you could’ve sworn you saw his eyes flicker to your pursed lips.

“Oh it is good. Maybe I should order that instead of a coffee.” You said. The tea was not too sweet and pleasantly refreshing.

“I’m telling you. You have a future in advertising.” He said with a shake of his head and a dangerous smile. So charming it disarmed you and suddenly you were smiling too.

If you from a week ago saw you now she would have a heart attack.

You didn’t end up ordering your own tea. You shared his drink with him leaning in to take sips and exchange wistful conversation.

Here you were sitting with a complete stranger sharing spit before you even learned each other's last names.

☾

“So tell me more about yourself? What do you do for work?” He asked, walking alongside you, his hand gently brushing into yours as you stepped in sync.

It was a beautiful day and Jeonghan had suggested a park date. You went on a couple dates before but you always picked activities. Not as much talking time as there was physical bonding like pottery classes and movies. You two finished a quick picnic of sandwiches before going for the walk. It felt nice to talk with him in such a relaxed way as you two strolled along the sunny path.

“I work in banking.” You said with shrug

“Ohhh sounds fun.” He teased.

You laughed. “Ehh. It’s not bad and it pays well enough. What about you?”

You did a quick intake of the man walking beside you.

His shoulder length black hair was silky and smelled of a soft warm scent every time he turned his head to talk to you.

His slender stature was fitted in crisp yet simple black jeans and tee that you knew could only be from an expensive store.

“Family business. Nothing exciting like banking but hey.” He said with a chuckle.

“That’s nice! It's just me here so it can get pretty lonely.”

“Any friends?”

You shrugged and let out a sigh before awkwardly laughy “Do you count?”

Jeonghan playfully knocked his shoulder into yours. “Absolutely I do.”

You stopped and looked at him, smiling softly before shaking your head.

“What?” He said with his signature head tilt.

“What planet are you from Yoon Jeonghan?”

He laughed and turned his body fully towards you, leaning against a nearby tree. “What do you mean?”

“You’re just such…a- a.”

“Weirdo?”

You laughed. “What? No. You’re such a treat.”

His smile dropped a bit before quickly lifting into a smirk. You saw a flicker of something indistinguishable in his eyes that was gone as quickly as it appeared.

“Sorry. It’s just I- I’ve sortve been living in this weird little me bubble and the one day I suddenly decided to pop it you showed. It felt like fate… I mean you’re just so lovely…”

Your voice trailed off. Your face was burning bright as Jeonghan's eyes watched you intently.

The breeze flittered his hair into his face as if it too couldn’t resist the desire to caress him.

“You’re trouble aren’t you?” He asked in an almost whisper.

“What? Me? Hardly. Besides, I’m not the one giving my phone number on flirty notes to strangers.” You smiled, playfully poked his arm as you spoke.

“Well a beauty like you is non-ignorable. I had no choice.”

“No choice huh.” You continued to quip in an attempt to distract your body from its desire to overheat in Jeonghan's intoxicating presence.

“What? Do you just hit on every pretty girl you see?”

He held your hand that you hadn't realized was still resting on his arm and pulled you closer to him.

His gaze was so intense you thought you might combust on sight.

The sun was setting,leaving a heavenly glow against his smooth gorgeous skin.

You leaned in before he did your lips touching his before you pulled back in shock.

“Oh…I-“

His right hand still held yours while his other pulled you even closer to his invitingly warm chest, cutting off your stumbling words. He let go of your hand to cradle your face as he gazed at you for a moment before leaning in. His lips devoured yours as the kiss quickly deepened, filling you with ecstasy.

Eventually you both had to take a moment to breathe, his soft breath tickling your nose as he rested his forehead to yours.

You lifted your hand to his cheek while your other hand's fingers laced through the silky hair at the nape of his neck and pulled him in for another delicious taste.

His kisses spread heat through your body leaving you feeling dizzy and thoughtless.

He was completely and totally intoxicating. Green tea and cigarettes mixed with a soft scent you now knew to be him.

The tickle of his tongue on your lips was a magic spell telling your body to open to him and you complied. You pressed into him craving more as his nimble fingers pushed patterns into your skin like a sinful tattoo.

“Wow.” You whispered breathlessly.

He laughed. “I agree.”

Jeonghan looked up at the dimming sky.

“When did it get so late?” He said, concern evident in his voice. “ Let me drive you home.”

“What about my car then? I’ll text you when I get home, okay?” You were still feeling loopy off of him and couldn’t stop smiling.

“Then let me walk you to your car.”

You nodded, grabbing his hand and walking alongside him with that goofy smile still plastered on your face.

☾

Jeonghan started texting you good morning messages that had you feeling all giddy throughout the day. You found yourself smiling so much your coworker giggled and whispered to you “Someone got laid huh?”

“Oh stop.” You said swatting her away from you as you blushed thinking about how good Jeonghan probably could make you feel if his kiss had you this buzzed.

A couple weeks blew by and you talked nearly every day, both of you being too busy to meet up.

Holding your takeout in one hand and your bag and keys in the other you hummed while you tried to maneuver the right key into your hand.

Suddenly your skin alerted with goosebumps and you felt uneasy. You turned around but when you didn’t see anything out of the ordinary you quickly opened your door and ran inside. You locked both locks while you tried to steady your pounding heart. Just then your phone rang causing you to nearly jump out of your skin.

You checked the caller ID. Why was Jeonghan calling so late? He never called at this time.

“Oh my! Jeonghan! Why the sudden call?” You said through the line.

“Are you okay?” He said quickly, his voice sounding anxious and low.

“Yeah I’m okay. I just got home.”

“Can I see you?”

“Now!?”

“Is that okay?”

“Well…I just got dinner…”

“Sorry I didn’t mean to inconvenience you. Just…you’re okay right?”

“Yeah I’m okay. Why? What’s going on?” You asked, your voice sounded as uneasy as you were feeling again.

“No reason. I’ll leave you to your dinner-“

“No! I mean- uhm…come over.”

“Are you sure?”

He sounded so exhausted and it made your heart pang.

“Of course. I’ll text you my address.”

It was more than just wanting to see him, you were still feeling uncomfortably scared and you couldn’t shake the uneasiness despite telling yourself that you were just being silly. You wanted Jeonghan to hold you and make everything okay.

You paced back and forth in your kitchen until you heard the *pling* *pling* of your doorbell. You rushed to check through the peephole, the pit in your stomach beginning to unknot at the sight of the beloved man standing outside, his hair blowing in the night air, obscured by the night.

You quickly opened the door with a smile on your face.

“Come in, it's freezing out.” You said pulling him in by his hand.

He kicked off his shoes hurriedly as you pulled him all the way into your kitchen and sat him down in a chair.

“Sit here. Did you eat dinner? I got takeout. It’s nothing fancy but I was just about to eat. It’s probably cold now so I’m just gonna heat it up except my microwave is broken and so I have to use a pan which actually is better because then it tastes…”

You had your back to him while you rambled and you suddenly felt his slender arms wrap around you, cutting your words short as they fell back down your throat, turning into butterflies in your stomach.

He rested his head on your shoulder and let out a sigh that sounded like he had the weight of the world crushing him.

“Jeonghan?” You held his hand and tried to turn around but he gently held you still.

Looking down you noticed his knuckles. They were bruised and bloodied!

“Are you okay?” You asked, worry flipping your heart and sending it pounding against your rib cage.

You grabbed his arm and this time he didn’t resist as you lifted it, turning toward him.

A gasp fell from your lips at the sight of his beautiful face…battered and bruised. He licked his busted, swollen lip and smiled at you, wincing a bit from the pain.

“Oh my god Jeonghan what happened!” Your hands flew up to his face but only hovered, scared to hurt him any more. Jeonghan grabbed your hands, pulling them close and resting them on his heart. You could feel the thumping beneath your shaking hands.

“Family troubles.” He said with a crooked smile.

You sat him back down at your table before quickly leaving to grab your first aid kit.

Opening the box quickly you hesitated as you looked at the over supplied kit your coworker bought you as a housewarming gift unsure what to even use.

“An ice pack would be great.” He said, helping you along with a humorous lit to his voice that didn’t fit the situation.

“Right, sorry.”

You quickly rushed to your freezer and grabbed your ice pouch you bought at some point for your headaches and quickly tossed it to the back of your freezer when you realized it was of no help.

Gently you brought it to his cheek, pressing it slowly to gauge his pain.

“Sorry.” You said pulling back when he winced. “Does that hurt too much?”

“Not when you do it.”

He smiled again, gently holding on to your wrist.

“Sorry. You’ll have to hold this while I clean your lip.”

He took the ice pack, his warm fingers playing with your now cold ones.

Grabbing ointment you put some on a cotton swab before leaning over and dabbing it gently on his pretty lips.

You looked up at Jeonghan, your eyes meeting his as they looked down at you.

In an attempt to cool your anxious sweats as you got the first aid kit you had unbuttoned a few buttons of your blouse. Right now he had a clean view down your shirt and into your barely there bralet that you wore on long days because bras drove you crazy and this one was comfortable. Comfortable and basically see through.

You didn’t mind at all and made no effort to move as you continued tending to his cuts.

“Anything else?” So asked softly.

You noticed a bruise peaking through the black silk of his shirt.

Jeonghan stared at you for a moment thinking through his next course of action. With a pensive expression he unbuttoned his shirt all the way, revealing litters of purple marks all over his upper torso.

“Oh m- Jeonghan, I'm not a doctor! You need to go to the hospital.” You felt tears stinging your eyes as the night's emotions already began to bubble over.

“No need. Nothing's broken. I’ll be fine.” He held your hand as he spoke, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

You felt his warm body shiver as you delicately traced the injuries on his skin with cool fingers. Jeonghan tentatively rested his hand on your hips.

“I feel better already.” Jeonghan whispered.

His low voice sent tingles through every fiber of your essence.

“Jeonghan. Tell me what happened. Please.”

His hands rushed to your face, cradling it and catching your falling tears with his thumb.

“There are things that need to be done. When they don’t get them done it’s only natural to pay the price.”

“What does that mean Jeonghan?” Frustration twisted with worry in your voice. “Do you need help?”

He shook his head.

“It means that I will do everything within my power to keep you safe.”

“Jeonghan…You’re scaring me.”

“It’s gonna be okay y/n.”

He sweetly gazed up at you, stroking your cheek. You found yourself leaning closer, seeking the warmth and comfort you knew he could give you.

Your lips touched, not as a kiss but rather to simply feel each other, the emotions passing between you stronger than words could understand.

With a tilt of Jeoghans chin he kissed you softly at first against your trembling lips. His hands firmly pulled you closer, your body slotting between his legs as he deepened the kiss. Your tongue caressed his bottom lip and you tasted his blood in your mouth as he opened himself to you desperately.

His fingers hungrily wandered, leaving fire in their path.

Immediately undoing your buttons you slid your shirt off your shoulders, dropping it on the floor beside Jeoghans.

His hands squeezed your thighs encouraging you to straddle him.

“Are you..” you could barely speak as Jeonghan continued kissing you. “…sure it won’t…mhhh…hurt?

His only response was a moan against your lips before he pulled you into his lap, putting an end to your hesitation. Feeling worrisome about touching his injured body you laced your fingers through his hair.

Your hips took the lead pressing against the hardness that was growing in his slacks. He groaned into your neck where he had now begun to kiss and suck the sensitive skin, a moan vibrating against your throat.

Jeoghan placed your hands against his chest, letting you know that it was okay to touch him.

Your skirt was now lifted and sitting at your hips leaving only the thin barrier of your underwear now dampened with your arousal. Sliding down your bralette he littered your breast with licks and kisses.

Undoing the button of his pants your shaky hands struggled with the zipper before finally pulling his cock from the dreadfully difficult blockade that was his clothing.

“Fuck…” he breathed against your skin as you gently circled his tip, collecting the percum and stroking down his length.

His hands shot down to your aching core seeking to return the favor. He played with your swollen bud over damp underwear earning moans from you that had his cock twitching in your grasp. He slid your panties aside, slowly slipping a finger into you.

Jeonghans slender fingers were as nimble and graceful as they looked and you wondered if you would last much longer.

He pulled his fingers from inside leaving you aching with protest before you felt the tease of his tip to your dripping pussy lips. Standing to make it easier you watched as he guided his pretty pink cock into you, his length slowly disappearing until you were back flush against his lap.

With how long it had been since your last relation combined with his delicious size, you weren’t surprised by the pain of the stretch. Your eyebrows furrowed as you adjusted. Jeonghan kissed the corner of your lips, his hands massaging your hips while you breathed through the moment. Despite the twitch of his cock which you felt against your sensitive walls Jeonghan didn’t move, allowing you to take the lead.

He buried his face into your breasts, a string of swear words on his breath as your tight walls squeezed his throbbing cock.

When you began to rock he had to fight to steady his breathing before he blew it right then and there.

It truly had been too long for you. It didn’t take much more of his cock pressing all the right spaces in you before an orgasm came ripping through your body. Jeonghan struggled to focus as he fought through the euphoric feeling of your fluttering pussy so that he could watch the beautiful scene that was you unraveling against him.

The beauty of your flushed face, kiss swollen lips, dazed eyes, and your softly furrowed brows had Jeonghan seeing stars.

You rested your head on his shoulder as you caught your breath.

Jeonghan waited until your heart stopped pounding against him before he secured your hips in his hands and began lifting into you.

Shivers flittered down Jeonghan's spin as you moaned loud and clear in his ear.

Your feeling of overstimulation washed into the building of pleasure once again.

His hips began to stutter as he got closer to his release. You moved along with him and it wasn’t long before your walls were squeezing and pulsing around him again, this time pulling his orgasm into you in hot ropes. He rutted inside a few more times before wrapping his arms around your body and holding you close. You both began to settle from your high, the reality of the moments setting in.

Jeoghan was in your kitchen half naked and covered in bruises with his cock buried inside of you.

You must be going crazy because right now as you rested in his arms you felt safer than ever.

☾

You woke up to an empty bed despite falling asleep in Jeonghan's arms. The memory of you guys pulling off the rest of your clothes and stumbling to bed played through your mind.

Your stomach growled, reminding you that you skipped dinner.

You rolled over to see a note where Jeonghan had been.

~

Sorry I had a few things to handle.

There’s breakfast on the table.

I hope I didn’t make you late for work ^_^

~

You smiled not even caring that you were absolutely going to be late.

The bathroom was still a bit fogged over when you went in.

“I should’ve woken up earlier and showered with him.” You said to yourself regretfully, quickly showering so you could enjoy the breakfast he left to you. The towel he used was slightly damp and it smelled like him. You used it to dry off even though you had more than one and hurriedly lotioned and got dressed.

Jeonghan had left you a coffee that was still warm and a breakfast sandwich from Clovers. You thought your face would break from how much you were smiling but you couldn’t help that soaring feeling on your heart as you grabbed the food and headed out the door.

☾

The hairs on your neck stood up tall as you walked toward your house. It was the same stressed and scared feeling you felt the other night. The streets were being cleaned in the morning so you had to park farther down. You walked quickly as nerves began to set in halfway home. Glancing behind you you saw nothing but when you turned back around you crashed into a big tall man. You were unable to see his face before someone grabbed you from behind, holding a damp cloth over your nose until everything started to blur. You fought and fought with all your fading might, dropping your things on the ground before your body fell numb and everything went black.

Awakening to the ringing sound in your ears you squeezed your eyes tighter to gather your bearings. Examining yourself you found a bandage wrapped around your wrists and chest. It hurt as you breathed in. Your attempt to sit up was cut short by your body collapsing back on the bed, pain shooting throughout and settling into your head as a heinous migraine.

Cautious breaths were your anchor as you slowly looked around the dark room. Adjusting to the dark you noticed the faint orange glow of a cigarette burning by the window.

Fear ripped through your heart as every alarm fired off in your head.

You weren’t alone.

Using all of your strength you pushed your back against the headboard as you felt around for anything that could be used as a weapon.a gentle breeze for the open window blew through, bringing a family scent to greet your nose.

“J-Jeonghan?” Fear turned into confusion and then terror.

“You’re awake?” His voice came, soft and warm like a blanket covering you.

He stood up and stepped closer to you revealing the slouch of his tired frame. Bathed in blue light you could see fresh cuts and bruises on his face.

“Here, drink this.” He said offering you a water bottle.

You only just noticed how thirsty you were but you shook your head and pushed your body further away from him.

“Please, you must be thirsty. It’s unopened.” He said, switching on nightstand light and showing you the sealed bottle.

You took a moment to mull it over before tentatively accepting the drink. Your action was cut short as pain shot through, forcing you to wrap your arms around yourself.

Jeonghan rushed beside you, his hands instantly resting on your arms as his concerned eye scanned your body. Save for the bandages around your chest and ribs your upper torso was bare, revealing the dark brushing that littered your arms and neck.

“Let me help you.”

Jeaoghan opened the bottle and brought it to your lips. Without hesitation you parted your lips allowing him to pour a few sips into your mouth. Your throat rejoiced at the relief while your stomach made you aware of its hollowness with a growl.

Jeonghan gazed down at you in his close proximity.

“What's going on?” You shakily whisper to him. “Everything hurts so…ugh…so much.”

A frown wrinkled Jeonghan’s beautiful face at your words and he looked away in shame.

“…Jeonghan?”

“You're safe. Rest here for a few days and then I’ll relocate you somewhere more comfortable. Kim

will come later tonight.”

You blinked at him, no sound able to leave your mouth as you tried to process the moment.

With that Jeonghan stood up, grabbed his coat and headed for the door.

“Wait! Where are you going?” You asked, panic and distress filling you at the thought of him leaving you here alone.

“Don't leave me.” Your voice broke and you saw him hesitate, his hand frozen on the lock.

“Kim will be here soon.” He said quickly before slipping out, shutting the door airily behind him.

About an hour passed before a small slender woman possibly in her early 40s walked in with a suitcase in tow behind her

“Hello.”

Her voice paired with her warm motherly smile felt gentle and sweet.

“You’re already looking better!”

She switched on the light room finally allowing you a clear view of the high end hotel room you apparently were staying in.

Kim went to the bathroom and came back with a basin of water.

“May I?” She asked, placing the bowl on the nightstand and ringing out the cloth.

You nodded and she began by wiping your face and then your hands. It felt soothing and the tension you felt from a stranger being in your presence began to fade.

“What’s goin-“

Kim shook her head, cutting you off without a word.

You looked at her with pleading eyes and her eyebrows tensed.

“Listen here now darling, it probably won’t make much sense but you helped save a lot of lives. A lot of innocent women and children.”

She looked at you with a soft smile. “The work that the Yoon family does isn’t very pretty and sometimes it’s down right awful. But there are people out there who are worse. And hopefully this group of worse people won’t be able to hurt any more good people.”

You were angry now. “That’s nice and all Kim but that doesn’t explain anything.” You frowned, speaking through gritted teeth as your brain struggled to sort things that just weren’t making sense.

Your heart was pounding, your ears ringing, and you were begging to feel nauseous.

“Come on doll, let’s get you washed up.

You wanted to be noncompliant but unfortunately you could really use a shower and you didn’t think you had the strength to get to the bathroom on your own.

You simply grumbled a thank you as Kim helped you to the shower and turned on the water for you. You didn't even mind when she helped you out of your clothes. She left you alone after that, only popping in to give you some toiletries and clothing.

You sunk to the floor of the tub in tears as your world crashed around you not even caring that your sobs were louder than the patter of the water against you.

You woke up to the shuffling sound of footsteps around you due to Kim doing some tidying in the room. There was a bowl of savory smelling porridge steaming on the nightstand.

“Good! You're up!” Kim said cheerfully, making her way over to you.

You need to get something in that stomach of yours.

Kim had helped you with your hair last night by drying and plaiting it for you. You remembered Kim’s gentle hands tangling through your hair while you numbly sat on the cold floor. She had to practically drag you to bed but the moment your head hit the pillow you were out.

You pulled the covers around you. You were still naked because you were too sore last night to lift your arms. There was a t-shirt and a pair of underwear on the bed for you and you quickly pulled them on. Kim stirred the porridge and brought the spoon to her mouth checking the temperature as if you were a baby.

She set the tray down in front of you and placed the spoon in the bowl.

“Eat up. Please. You need your strength to heal.”

•••

They had you for two nights… maybe even three.

You were brought to a gaudy bedroom littered with alcohol bottles in every corner.. You were left there alone for a few hours before a woman, possibly in her late twenties, showed up.

She was concerningly skinny with a face that was pretty despite the bags under her eyes and the obvious drug use that bruised her body.

She took a moment to circle the pole you were chained to before scoffing.

“You’re not even that pretty.” She grumbled before landing a blow to your stomach, knocking the air from your lungs.

She would come in periodically to throw insults at you and hit you before eventually falling asleep on the bed. She was always inebriated, her words slurring together as she hissed at you with hot breath that reeked of liquor.

On the last night you heard the commotion of guns and yelling. She heard it as well and rage boiled in her eyes as she screamed and hit you harder than before. You felt the sickening crack of your ribs as you gasped for air and tried to stay awake.

When everything stopped you thought maybe you had died.

But you felt the warmth of a body, the familiar scent of green tea and cigarettes filling your bloodied nose. Once the chains were removed you fell into your savior's arms, unable to stand on your own.

“It’s okay. I’ve got you. I’ve got you…”

•••

You finish the porridge and curl up in bed feeling exhausted even though you hadn't moved an inch. You turned your face into the pillow but you were too tired to even cry.

When you woke up this time it was dark out. Moonlight danced through the room caressing your bare skin. Your skin flitted with goose bumps and you shot up scanning the room, your eyes landing in the figure leaning against the windowsill.

You pulled yourself up and leaned against the headboard so you could face him while you spoke.

“I want to go home.” You said, your voice sounding shakier than you’d hoped.

Jeonghan sighed and walked towards the bed, sitting at the foot of it.

“It’s not safe.”

“And why is that Jeonghan?” This time your voice sounded just as venomous as you wanted it to, the rage finally stronger than your fear.

“You’ll need to lay low for a while until things calm down.” His eyes intently watched your glaring ones as he spoke.

“You won’t be able to go back to your job so I’ll help you find something new and until then your needs will be taken care of.”

You looked away first, cursing yourself for the way your body still fluttered under his gaze.

“Can I ask you something?” You said as you fiddled with the blanket, rage subsiding and nervousness taking over again.

Jeonghan nodded.

“Why me? Did you really even…”

By now you had figured that it was all some twisted game that only you were missing the rules to. That you were just…bait?

He sighed again and rubbed his face tiredly before answering.

“You seemed…lonely. Like no one would notice if you went missing. You’re also very pretty.” He listed the reasons matter factly as if it was as casual as telling you the weather.

You wanted to protest but it was true.

Your family wasn’t just physically far away.

Your relationship with your mother and father became strained when you told them you didn’t want to keep sending money just for your little brother's addiction. They claimed it was for his rehab but he never went. Once they found his body you knew it was over. They blamed you and it was easier to leave entirely than deal with their constant bilgerance. When your job had a transfer available you didn’t hesitate. Sometimes at night you were haunted by the anger in your mothers eyes. To her, you were a witch who had killed her beloved son with your greed.

“That night. Why- why did you come to me? If I was just…if it was just…”

You couldn’t go on as the tears swallowed your words.

“I had no choice.” Jeonghan said, his voice firm and serious.

You looked back at him with furious eyes.

“Listen.” He continued. “ what happened- you didn’t deserve to get wrapped up in this. I’m sorry. Once you became- I wanted to find another way.”

Emotions stormed through you, leaving you feeling confused and tired. Jeonghan's words offered little clarity, only giving way to more questions.

As Jeonghan watched your shaking eyes he wondered.

At what point did everything start feeling…real? At what point did he allow such a distraction to pull him away. It was never meant to be this way…and yet he found himself only thinking about you.

“What now?” You said, suddenly pulling Jeonghan from his thoughts. Your voice was soft against his tired mind.

“Safe house. Just for a moment while things settle. There’s still some cleaning up to do.”

You sighed and buried your face into the blanket.

A moment passed before Jeonghan spoke again.

“I’m not going to let anyone else hurt you. And that's a promise.”

For a reason only god knew, Jeonghan's voice still felt like a warm hug swaddling you tightly.

“Fuck. You.”

Your voice was muffled in the blanket but his sigh told you he heard you loud and clear.

That was the last bit of fight you had left. You already knew that no matter how messed up the situation was, you believed his every word.

☾

The next morning you left for the safe house. The drive was long and the roads were whindy and yet you still found yourself napping in the back seat while Jeonghan silently drove.

Jeonghan found himself peaking in the rear view mirror often to catch a glimpse of your peaceful face.

‘There’s a special place in hell for people like me.’ He thought to himself.

Not wanting to wake you or have you wake up alone, Jeonghan waited in the car despite having arrived 2 hours earlier.

Your eyelids fluttered open as the sun beamed through the open windows. Jeonghan was still in the driver's seat quietly speaking on the phone. His eyes shot to the rearview and he gave you a smile. Unfortunately it was just as charming as ever.

“Yeah I’ll call you back.” He said into the phone and hanging up before getting out of the car and opening the door for you.

You nearly tripped on your way out the car as you took in the view around you. The gorgeously quaint cottage house was surrounded by miles of luscious land. There were chickens clucking around and to your far left there was a horse grazing. It was beyond beautiful. It was dream-esque and super… secluded?

“Did you bring me here to kill me?” You asked seriously.

He chuckled butterflies straight into your stomach and shook his head.

“If I wanted you dead, why would I bring you here? Why not just leave you with Stella?

All you could do was shrug.

“Stella? So that is the person I need to thank for the bruises.” You said with a forced laugh.

Jeonghan's lips tightened into a thin line, a flicker of anger crossing his elegant features at the sound of Stella's nasty name on your pretty lips. "Don’t concern yourself with that" he muttered, his voice dressed in bitterness and disgust. "She's...been dealt with."

With that he walked away, closing the conversation.

He opened the door for you, letting you walk in first before following and shutting the door behind you two. The house was lit beautifully golden from the sunset glow.

You turned to him with your eyebrows furrowed.

"Dealt with?"

“The mouse pays for the cheese with it’s life.” He said with a nonchalant shrug as he walked to the kitchen

“Jeonghan!”

You raised your voice and crossed your arms feeling a bit like an indignant child.

“Hmm?” Jeonghan hummed back without even so much as looking at you. He was shuffling through the refrigerator.

“Did you use me as bait in some sort of twisted lovers spat?” You felt your blood boiling as your pulse quickened.

“Hardly.” Jeonghan said, his haphazard attitude now starting to tick you off.

“I’m already trapped in the middle of nowhere with you. The least you can do is look at me and give me a proper explanation.”

“Look.” He said suddenly slamming the refrigerator closed, walking towards you until he was so close you had to take a step back.

“Stella was never my lover or anything like that. She was some crazy bitch who we did trade with. The skank was fucking obsessed with me, always making advances. Anyway she was running some druggie club that took part in human trafficking and shit.”

He walked back to the kitchen now, angrily pulling things from the refrigerator while he spoke. You pulled yourself onto one of the counters and listened.

“You see it’s pretty well know that the Yoons don’t fuck with that kind of shit so we were obviously gonna be a problem. I guess her and a few other wannabes got together with a grand idea and put a hit on my family. To try and scare us off I suppose. We lost good men that night.”

He paused for a moment, his expression suddenly somber but he shook it off and continued.

“That was enough incentive to put an end to her shit but that rat was hard to find. Except I would get letters from her, sometimes super detailed with mentions of things that happened to me the night before. I had a little fun at Rosie’s House and the girl showed up the next day in bad shape. Told me I wasn’t welcome back anymore. That's when we got an idea.”

He stopped tossing out the old food from the refrigerator and turned to you before leaning against the counter, his arms on either side of your body.

Your breath hitch but you did your best to act unaffected by him.

“When I saw you at that restaurant I knew it would drive her crazy. You were absolutely stunning.” His eyes flickered across your body and your treacherous heart went leaping for him.

“It wasn't enough to sleep with you. She had to think I was really seeing you. That way she’d wanna snatch you up and figure out why, leading us right to her.”

He backed up and sighed. You took a few breaths, trying to steady your racing heart.

He leaned against the opposite counter, eyes still watching you as he thought over his next words.

“…She actually found you pretty early on. The night I’d shown up…the night we…Shit was supposed to go down that night but…anyway I couldn’t show up after screwing shit up so I…went to you..”

Jeonghan shrugged his shoulders. Looking down he began picking at a callous on his palm.

He stood up straight and started unpacking the new food he purchased during a pit stop on the way here.

“Are you hungry? There's some kimbap here if you’d like.”

His attempt to change the subject was successful, you didn’t want to talk about it anymore.

“No thank you.” You needed a moment to collect your thoughts. “ I’m gonna go and wash up.

“Oh right. Let me show you your room.”

Your room was cozy and spacious. Without waiting for him to leave you kicked off your shoes and pulled your sweaty shirt over your head, tossing it into the basket in a corner that said laundry on it.

“I’ll leave you to it.” Jeonghan said as he turned away to head out.

“Wait—“

He quickly turned back around, inquisition painting his face and he tried to rapid fire reasons in his brains as to why you’d ask him to stay while you pulled off your clothes.

“Can you help me wrap a new bandage? It was warm in the car so I’d like to shower.”

He nodded slowly. “Sure. Just call me when you’re done.”

You nodded and he left, closing the door behind him.

Did you really just ask him to wrap the bandage for you? You laid your face in your hands in exhaustion. ‘Whatever’ you told yourself as you pulled off the rest of your clothes. ‘Not like he hasn't seen them already.’

You reasoned with yourself and decided that shyness wasn’t worth losing sleep due to pain

You showered as quickly as you could with your sore body before drying off and lotioning as best as you could. You rummaged through the duffel bag of toiletries and clothes that Jeonghan had given you, putting on deodorant and slipping on a pair of panties and sweatpants. You wrapped your towel back around you and took a deep breath that you instantly regret when you felt the pain shoot through you. The pain was also a reminder to suck it up and go find Jeonghan.

You poked your head out of your door. “Jeonghan?” You called softly as you looked around the hallway.

When you didn’t get a response you walked towards the door across from yours and knocked. You heard movement inside the room and Jeonghan pulled open the door with a gentle smile on his face.

“Come in.”

He pulled open the door all the way and walked into the room. You hesitated for a moment and he looked back at you, amusement obvious in the twinkle of his eyes.

“Sit here.” He gestured to his bed where he had a first aid kit already open.

You scowled at him before shuffling into the room and sitting on the bed. You tried not to think about how pleasantly the room smelled of him.

Sitting next to you he faced you and waited. When you didn’t budge he lifted his hands towards your towel, stopping in front of your folded towel.

“May I?”

You nodded in response and set your arms down to your side.

He untucked the towel, letting it fall to your hips and revealing the tender skin underneath.

The room felt cold and your face burned hot.

When he bent down to pick up a jar of cream off of the floor you noticed the bright red of his ears.

He showed you the jar of medicinal topical pain relief before opening it and carefully scooping some with his fingers. “This will help with the pain, the healing, and the bruising. Kim makes it for me.”

You watched his hands move with careful elegance and he gingerly rubbed your bruises with the cooling cream. The strong medicinal smell was relaxing as he worked.

His movements were soft and graceful as he did his best to focus on his work and not your perked nipples or the soft rounds of your breast.

Unrolling the bandage he tenderly wrapped the stretchy material around your chest that now ached for more reasons than just bruises.

You couldn’t help exploring his face as he worked. His skin was smooth save for his chin that had a little light stubble on it. His warm brown eyes squinted as he focused on his task, his long straight eyelashes fluttering with every movement. His pink lips pressed into a line while his nose would scrunch in concentration.

There was still an heinously undeniable connection that tethered you to him, an energy that left you feeling breathless and warm.

"Thank you," you whispered, your voice barely above a breath.

Jeonghan's eyes met yours, his gaze softening with emotions you felt all too intensely.

He was now working the bandage upward to your breast and you could feel his hands slow.

He continued wrapping, his calluses finger tips grazing against your nipples sending your nerves into a frenzy. You swallowed, keeping your eyes on everything except him until he was finished.

Already feeling hot and bothered you felt a sense of relief wash over you now that his careful ministrations were complete.

You went to stand and he stopped you with a hand on your arm. Opening the cream again he took more out and began rubbing it into the bruise on your arm.

His fingers felt heavenly against your skin as he rubbed more into another bruise on your shoulder.

“Show me the other bruises?”

You complied, turning on the bed and showing him your back. This time his touch made you shiver as his nimble fingers traced along your spine.

“Sorry, you must be cold. I’m almost done.”

You felt disappointment settled in as his fingers pulled away from your tender skin.

He stood up and went to his drawer, opened it and pulled out a shirt.

“Here. Lift your arms a bit.”

You complied and Jeonghan carefully guided your arms through each arm hole before pulling the shirt over your head.

Jeonghan sat down on the floor in front of you, pulling up your pant leg.

“What are you doing?” You asked but didn’t pull your foot away from his warm hand where he cradled it.

“I noticed you walk with a bit of a limp.” He replied softly as he rubbed the cream into your ankle before taking another bandage and wrapping the slightly swollen joint.

He closed the jar and handed it to you.

“If you find any more bruises, rub this on them.”

“Thank you.”

“Don’t.”

His voice was quiet and suddenly cold.

You looked down, meeting his eyes with confusion. Your ankle still rested softly in his hands making for a heavy atmosphere as he held your gaze.

You shook your head at him.

“Jeonghan. You saved me and now you’ve helped me again. So thank you.”

The expression on his face was unreadable as he carefully let you go and stood up.

Grabbing your hand he pulled you towards him, his body pressed against yours, his face inches away,

His other hand held your waist firmly against him.

Unmoving you breathed in sync as if you both had finished a complicated dance together.

You felt the pounding of his heart against the pounding of yours.

“Jeonghan…”

The way you called his name made his head spin.

He let you go and backed away.

“I put the food in the refrigerator.” He said heading for the door. “You are welcome to do whatever you want here.”

“Wait! Are you leaving?” Your voice came panicked as you followed him out of his room.

“I’ve got things to do. I’ll be back tonight.” He said as you trailed behind him down the stairs.

“But Jeonghan… please.” You pleaded. Feeling too vulnerable to finish the sentence.

He turned to you this time.

“It’s okay. I’ll be back-“

You cut him off with a kiss, your arms thrown around his neck. As his shock faded, he rested his hands on your hips, pulling you closer and deepening the kiss.

Your lips were so soft against his and when you parted your lips he found your taste to be intoxicating.

Wrapped in the moment it took him a little bit to notice that suddenly your body was shaking.

Pulling back he saw the tears rolling down your face.

As you clung to Jeonghan with all your might you couldn’t stop the flood of emotions that spilled out. Even after everything that happened he still felt so safe and warm. As his arms wrapped around you and pulled you close you felt like everything would be okay. He held you like that as you cried out the last few days' events.

In his arms your world crumbled.

So why was there nowhere else you wanted to be?

No one else you wanted to be with.

WANT MORE FROM ME?

Click HERE!

PART 2

[simpjaes]

pizza delivery guy!jake delivering reader an extra large sausage pizza 🤗

i hate how funny this is but also

pizza delivery guy jake:

tags: implied sex (not rly super detailed), reader is assumed to be vegetarian lol

Jake looks forward to his saturday night shifts for a lot of reasons, but none as good as you. The girl who orders for her group of friends at eleven at night on the dot, always two veggie pizzas, and always with a big tip.

You were a regular, of course, who he would jump to deliver to solely to see a room full of pretty girls batting their lashes at him despite his minimum wage status.

It got to the point even, that you'd request for him to deliver your food each time you order. Each tip got bigger, bigger, and bigger, up until Jake pulls up with your measly two veggie pizzas in a new car. With a new jacket, and a pretty smile.

What the pretty deliver driver didn't know? The fact that your friends hype you to try and get his number every single time he delivers.

The fact that sometimes you guys get a bit rowdy and tipsy, and go as far as making jokes about corny porno scenarios where he comes in with a large sausage for you, and oh no! you don't have money to pay! what ever shall you do?

It would stay as a funny little joke if it wasn't for the four plus hours of your friends hyping you. Saying, "come on, you never order a sausage pizza, he'll definitely pick up the hint. And if he rejects you, just play it off like a joke!"

You did. You did order that sausage pizza and, well, Jake did pick up the hint.

Driving to your house in silence, wondering why you suddenly added a winky emoji after his name in the delivery requests. Wondering why you suddenly ordered a pizza with an ingredient that resembles a dick. Wondering why he pulls up and you're alone when you answer the door in a scantily clad outfit and a shy smile on your face.

He's stunned to look at you tonight, to be honest, as he dips his head into your doorway with a confused face.

"Where are your friends?" He asks casually, leaning back and attempting to push your pizza forward and into your hands.

You shrug, pretending that they're not just around the corner listening.

"No one showed up tonight, I'm lonely." You play off the scenarios in your head, entirely because you really could just play it off like a joke.

"O- oh." Jake tries to smile at you, letting the puzzle pieces click together in his head. He really thinks you're implying right now. "I, um, I get off work at midnight, you know. If you're bored."

"Wait, really?" You ask, shocked that he doesn't appear to find this corny at all, but understanding far more as to why he offered when you note his eyes staring straight at the sheer pajama top you're wearing....with no bra.

"Um, yeah...if you want." He asks for your confirmation. "I could probably get off early too, it's slowed down a lot."

You smile, nodding to him as you take the single large sausage pizza.

"Okay then..." You say, kind of awkward and shy because you seriously can't believe that worked. "I'll see you in an hour then?"

He nods with a smile, clasping both hands in front of himself as if to hide the semi-hard on in his pants that you definitely notice.

And then he's gone, and you're standing there with a sausage pizza, a shocked face, and three girls rushing to giggle beside you.

♡♡♡♡

Naturally, and against the will of your friends, you have them pack up and leave the typical girl's night with a very sober uber as you sit in wait for midnight to strike.

And when it does? Jake shows up much as he said he would, in a plain t-shirt rather than his uniform, with a curious look in his eye because it does feel weird that he's here without a pizza exchange.

"So..." He says, rubbing the tip of his shoe into the frame of your door.

"So," You echo him, leaning against the frame yourself as you look at him.

"How lonely are you tonight?" He boldly asks.

You stay silent as you back up and flick your head to invite him in, still in your scantily clad pajamas with no underwear on.

"Lonely enough to order a fucking sausage pizza to get your attention?" You laugh, pointing to the uneaten pizza.

He lends you a laugh at that, which is a very nice sound.

"Was the sausage thing for real?" He finally asks when he sits on your couch with you.

"What do you mean?" You try to avoid the question, feeling dumb for even going this route to do this.

"Like, are you asking me to fuck you or do you actually just want to hang out?"

Well.

"Oh, um," You look away from him with a smile. "Could we not work it out to have both?"

Jake nods with a smirk, hand immediately landing against the button of his jeans as he looks at you.

"I think we can manage that."

And well, you do. Both of you do manage that.

You recall the events to your friends the next day, over how good he worked his tongue between your legs, over how good you worked your tongue on him.

They stopped listening around the time when you described the way you rode him right here, in the very spot on the couch they're sitting.

But their ears perked up a bit more at the description of how big his cock was, and how good it felt to have it split you open. Even better when he filled you up time and time again, until about four in the morning when he finally went home.

The best part about this? You don't even have to order a pizza to look at him next time. All you needed to do was snap a titty pic and Jake was risking his job to rush into your house just to fuck you up and against the little table in your entry way.

It's fun really, giving your little pizza delivery hook-up a quickie before his next delivery that will definitely come a bit later than it's supposed to.

[matchalovertrait]

So many people, so many different thoughts and opinions!

Previous / Next (Transcript under the cut)

Transcript:

(1.) [Andrea] You have 30 minutes to make an appetizer using all four of the basket ingredients. The timer starts... Now!

(2.) [Alex] I'm making a raclette with an assortment of merguez sausage, vegetable flatbread, pea shoots, and a side of shakshuka sauce. I think everything will go nicely with the melted cheese.

(3.) [Alex] I'll add ham, salami, steamed potatoes, and olives. I'm kind of playing it safe, but I hope the variety of flavors work out for me. It's all part of my strategy to at least get to the second round.

(4.) [Lewis] I've calmed down now. I decided to make a salad with pea shoots, crumbled sausage, flatbread croutons, and a shakshuka vinaigrette.

(5.) [Lewis] It's a salad. I can't possibly mess this up.... right?

(6.) [Dulce] I went with pizza wedges with a flatbread crust. They'll have shakshuka sauce, pea shoots, and merguez sausage. Of course, I'll be adding some mozzarella and parmesan cheese.

(7.) [Dulce] The pizza wedges are going to be soooo cute and fun. I'll also put some bacon bits and garlic. I can't put too many things, though. The wedges aren't going to be that big.

(8.) [Rubiya] I'm making spaghetti with merguez sausage meatballs, shakshuka sauce, and pea shoots. I'll add the vegetables from the flatbread to my sauce and use the rest of the flatbread to make garlic bread.

(9.) [Rubiya] Could I have made shakshuka? Yes, but that's rather predictable. Also, as someone from a Middle Eastern family, I refuse to use premade shakshuka sauce. I must make it from scratch.

(10.) [Andrea] It's time to introduce the two judges here today who are joining Michelin-Starred Chef, Mia D'Angelo-Ramirez.

(11.) [Mia] Thank you, Andrea. I'm always accompanied by amazing people, but I think the viewers and contestants will find today's lineup quite astounding.

(12.) [Dulce] Wow, it's actually her... I look up to Chef Mia a lot as another Mexican-Italian. I don't have Italian blood like her, but I was born here. I want to be on her level someday.

(13.) [Lewis] Oh my gosh..... I know Chef Mia is in every episode, but I still got nervous again when I saw her at the judges' table. She is so beautiful and talented.

(14.) [Carlo] Mia, you flatter me.

[Andrea] Chef Mia is right, though! Folks, here we have Executive Chef and Food Entrepreneur, Carlo Mancini.

(15.) [Alex] Chef Carlo Mancini??? He's the real deal. It's too late to change my appetizer now, so I have to impress him with my raclette.

(16.) [Rubiya] Chef Carlo Mancini. This will be fun.

(17.) [Andrea] And here's Grammy Award winner, Sofia Bjergsen!

[Sofia] Thank you so much. I've already been having a blast here. Not many people know this, but I was actually in culinary school for a bit before I decided to pursue music full-time.

(18.) [Dulce] THE Sofia Bjergsen??? I have all of her vinyl records! My favorite song by her is My Love Knows. I know the entire choreography for that song... here, I'll show you!

(19.) *My Love Knows by Sofia Bjergsen starts playing*

(20.) *My Love Knows by Sofia Bjergsen starts playing*

(21.) [Alex] Okay, I'll admit that I'm a fan, but what is she doing here? Isn't she on a world tour right now?

(22.) [Andrea] We are overjoyed to have the three of you as judges. Please, talk amongst yourselves while I check on the chefs.

[mysteryshoptls]

R Silver - Rabbit Wear Vignette

"We can't not eat it"

[Clock Town – Clock Park]

Silver: Both the jacket potato and the sausage roll were delicious. It may be because we ate them together.

Deuce: Really… Now that you've put it that way, I think that might be too!

Grim: Oh! They got somethin' tasty lookin' over at that stall! I'm gonna go eat some!

1. I'll go with you!

Deuce: It's fine for you two to run around, but don't get lost.

2. Wait for me!

Deuce: Grim just doesn't know how to settle down, huh.

Ortho: I also want to go and look around all the stuff in the park. I want to document all the goings-on of the festival.

Deuce: Okay, then I guess we'll all go off on our own for a bit. Everyone, meet back here in one hour.

Epel: Right, got it!

Epel: Okaaay, what should I do for an hour?

Silver: …

Epel: Oh, Silver-san. What's up, why're you looking so glum?

Silver: Before we left, my father told me to go and fully enjoy the festival here in this foreign country…

Silver: But now that we're told to do things on our own, I'm not sure what I should do.

Epel: I mean, it's nothing you have to think so hard about… Oh, hey! Why don't you look around the festival with me, then?

Silver: Is that alright? If you don't mind, then please, let me tag along with you.

Silver: I find comfort in all the greenery in this park.

Epel: I agree. My hometown's surrounded by nature too, so I find this super relaxing.

Epel: …Hm? Sniff, sniff… Oh, something smells good.

Silver: There are many pie stands over there. It must be from there.

Epel: It looks good! Don't you want to try some?

Silver: I suppose so. They are selling many different kinds of pies. I wonder which one would be best.

Silver: There's shepherd's pie with lamb, and cottage pie with beef…

Epel: Looks like they have sweet dessert pies too. Like lemon pies… And apple pies!

Pie Stall Owner: The Queendom of Roses is most well known for their pies, dear customers!

Epel: Oh, really! Then, since we're here, I definitely want to eat something that screams, "Queendom specialty!"

Silver: Sir, what is your most popular item?

Pie Stall Owner: Well, that'd be this one! If you've come all the way here to the Queendom, you have to eat this pie!

Silver: Hm? This is…

Epel: TH-THERE'S A TON OF FISH HEADS STICKING OUT OF THE PIE!!

Pie Stall Owner: That's a stargazy pie! I bet you've never seen that before, huh?

Epel: Herring heads and tails are sticking out of the pie… Just haphazardly… Looks like there's about 10 of them.

Epel: The shock of just seeing it is too crazy! It doesn't really look that good, to me?

Epel: U-Uh… Do you have any other recommendations…?

Silver: I'll take it.

Epel: EEHH!?

Silver: We can't not eat it, especially after the gentleman here has told us that this pie here is what screams, "Queendom specialty!"

Epel: I mean, true, I guess I did ask him… But still…

Epel: It's hard to consider eating it after looking into the eyes of those fish sticking out of the pie…

Silver: I see. I don't believe this will be any worse than the food that I've eaten up until now…

Silver: If you don't want to, I will not force you to. I will eat it myself. Good sir, please allow me one slice.

Pie Stall Owner: Here you go! Hot out of the oven!

Silver: Thank you. Then, I'll dig in.

[chomp]

Epel: …How is it?

Silver: It's delicious.

Epel: Eehh!? Really!?

Silver: Perhaps it's because I'm not as familiar with fish pies. It's a strange and interesting flavor.

Silver: I'm not very good with my words, so I'm afraid I can't explain myself very well.

Epel: Man, now I'm starting to get curious…

Epel: …Okay, fine. I'll try one too!

Pie Stall Owner: One more slice, okay! Here you go! It's still hot, so eat carefully.

Epel: …I don't want to look at those fish, so I should just close my eyes. Down the hatch… [bite]…

Epel: …Oh, it's actually pretty good…! It's kind of weird in it's own way, and the flavor grows on you.

Epel: The bitterness of the herring, the sweetness of the pumpkin, and the savory white sauce all mix well together.

Silver: I agree wholeheartedly.

Silver: Not only does it look interesting, the flavor is also unique. This dish truly feels like it would only be found here.

Epel: When I get back to campus, I gotta tell people about this. This'll be a good story to share.

Epel: I'm glad I tried it! But it's all thanks to you trying it out first, Silver-san!

Silver: No, it was because I chose to walk around with you that I was able to have such a memorable experience. I think I will be telling my father and the others about this.

Silver: Alright. Which stall should we head to next?

Silver: The dish we just tried didn't seem to appeal to you visually, after all. Let's look to eat something that you think would be delicious next.

Requested by Anonymous.

[mchlgayser]

can you write one about bellingham where they’re married and they are arguing all the time so they’re thinking about divorcing but one day he saw her crying in their bedroom and he conforts her and realises how much he loves her

𓂃⭑ᜊ: REALIZATION ft jude bellingham

𓂃⭑ᜊ an: HELLO! Ok this is a GREAT idea! Icl I love it, I might do this all out I swear.

𓂃⭑ᜊ content warning: arguments, divorce, and breakdown

𓂃⭑ᜊ: @iwritesjud3's masterlist

'I can't fucking do this anymore!' He burst, and you sat there numb and in distress, you sit on the couch hands over your head as you sigh heavily 'Should we just... Separate, Jude?' You didn't meant it, you really don't it just kind of slipped out.

But maybe, maybe you meant it.

'..Yeah. I think that's for the best, it's just not working out like this.' He shakes his head, sitting down next to you 'Right.' You declared standing up and stare down at him 'I'm taking the guest room, you can sleep at the room.' Leaving him, you tread upstairs as fast as you can and lock the door.

When? When did it get to this? Did it just happen? You thought to yourself, eyes burning with hot tears cascading down your cheeks. Tired is what you are feeling.

'Can you stop being jealous all the time?!'

'Oh well, I'm sorry for being so jealous over a girl wrapping an arm around you!'

'We talked about this, come on! Do I have to bring it up all the fucking time?!'

'I am not your fucking maid, Y/n. Take out the trash yourself.'

'How many times do I have to tell you not to touch my things! You are so stubborn!'

'Where are you? I called you the millionth of times, I'm worried!'

'Mind your business'

'Oh my God! You are a drunk mess!'

'Fucking let go, Jude!~'

'It's four, why did you even bothered coming home?'

'Because I paid for it, go and stop bothering me Y/n!'

When you think thoroughly about it now, it hurts so bad your heart aching and hammers so loud. You cry the whole night with your body still attached on the door.

The next day you woke up, and you didn't see any signs of Jude 'He's probably at practice.' You murmured going around the yard to take a breather. This yard is one of your favorite parts of the house. It was green with grass, yellow with daisies, and red with roses. The koi fish pond and a small bridge over the pond. The swing. Every part of this yard are your favorite. Sad to think you'll have to leave the house so soon.

Well technically this house is both yours and Jude's after you got married but to think that you have to live with thousands of bad memories in this house, you feel hopeless just thinking about it. If you wanted to divorce and leave, then you need to start fresh.

You stay hours in the yard doing nothing but admiring it. One memory after another came gushing back to you

'Stop Jude, it tickles'

Spending hours in the yard, you both did nothing but talks with each other, joking around, getting to know each other even better.

'You're cheating, you are not supposed to look!'

Hiding the canvas on his chest, you both spent time painting what reminds you both of each other, filming. He drew a beautiful home, exclaiming that you always remind him of the 'home is a person' thing. Meanwhile, you drew a flutter of butterflies.

The reason is that every small thing about him caused your stomach to rabble butterflies.

'Oh my God! The sausages burnt!'

It was a funny memory indeed, you both got so lost in your world, admiring each other's details you forgot the sausages you grilled on the pan.

'I love...'

Sunset picnic you both religiously do every month, pinning what you both like most from the snacks, fruits and drinks.

Now that you think about it, when is the last time you both did it, two months ago? Perhaps four months ago. It just sort of disappeared into thin air.

Your eyes welled up with tears again, these memories constantly bring you down making it harder for you to leave. Can you do it? Abandoning everything about him?

You walk upstairs to your shared bedroom sit on the bed and look around, your stuff, facials, and makeup are still neatly placed on the table. The mattress created a faint smell of Jude's fresh minty cologne. The one you bought him for your first wedding anniversary. The curtains slightly open allowing the sun to peep in inside the dimmed light room.

Eyes boring around some more, your eyes fidgeted on the nightstand table's drawer, it was open subtle and you got up to open it to see what was inside. The contain managed to slip a small gasp out of your mouth, tears welling up again. It was a photo album of you and Jude since you were both friends.

You take out the album and open it to the first page. It was a photo of you and him taking selfies with ice cream and beside the picture, you wrote 'We got each other's fav ice cream!'

You skipped a few pages, and the next page you open was you and him cutting a cake on your wedding day, you are smiling down, and Jude gazing at you with wide stupid grin on his mouth.

Another picture on the bottom is you feeding him a small piece of cake, and throwing your head back, laughing while he boop icing on your nose.

Smiling at how lovey-dovey you two were before, without noticing a single stray of tear fall down your cheekbone. Skipping pages through pages, reminiscing the old good memories.

You held the album close to your chest, crying and wailing alone. Your tears freely escaped your sockets, you don't want to leave, never would you but you know, this is going nowhere. The marriage is something both you and Jude can't worked out together. Maybe this is the best. For him and his career.

Jude on the other hand just gotten home from training, he dropped his duffle bag and slumped on the living room couch, and close his eyes for a short sleep.

The gushing wind interrupted, he eyed up to the yard realizing that the balcony door is opened, the curtains pushed up and down because of the wind, he groan getting up to close the door.

He gazes the yard for a moment, now thinking of you. He tread ways upstairs to your shared bedroom. The door is open lightly and he peek in to see you on the bed, crying.

Your eyes are red and puffy, cheeks stained with tears. He slowly opens the door peeking his head in 'Y/n?' You jolted at the familiar voice, you hid the album away but it was too late.

Jude came and confronts you, he sat down beside you as the mattress dip 'What?' You stuttered out, eyes avoiding his gaze 'I just... Wanted to check up on you.'

You sighed 'We are separating soon Jude, no need to check up on me anymore, I'm fine.' He felt bad, really bad.

He thought to himself, how did this happen? Do you two just end up disliking each other and get spiteful every chance you get?

'I don't want to lose you, Y/n.' You gasp, eyes watering with salty tears 'No Jude, please don't say that. We both know that this is not working out anymore.' Out of instinct, he held your hand 'No! What we both said last night is purely angry talks, I said things I didn't mean and that's the same way for you! Please, I still love you, don't you love me?' You were hesitant 'I... Do but..'

'Then, that's enough for now, we'll try our best to go through this obstacle, we'll fight for each other just like we used to, alright?' You hum and nods at him

He takes you in his arms 'Thank God! I don't ever wanted to lose you.'

[theminecraftbee]

It's the middle of the night when Grian hears footsteps approach where he's made camp in the new Hermitlands of Empires. (Or whatever they're calling it - Hermitopia? Hermempire? He hasn't been paying enough attention; despite it being his idea, he's pretty sure Impulse has already named it.) He's about to roll over and complain about it being LATE, he's SLEEPING, thank you, when he sees who it is.

He blinks.

"Hey, Grian," Pearl says.

"Hey, Pearl," Grian says. "It's late. Uh, hold on."

He grabs a torch and lights it. Pearl's dress has mud all over it. Her eyes are red. She has a strange expression.

"...Pearl?"

"You're a tailor, right?" she asks.

"Yeah, I'd say so," Grian says. "Vital for a number of things. Later I'm actually gonna go offer to make Timmy's seams tighter to mess with him, actually, if you wanna -"

"Haha," Pearl says. It's not really a laugh so much as a forced chuckle to interrupt him, so Grian takes the hint and stops. "Ha. You already know him, huh."

Grian stops for a long time. He... is not sure how to explain Jimmy to Pearl, if she doesn't already know, so he just nods.

"...and he knows you."

"Kind of?" Grian says, making a face.

"Kind of," repeats Pearl.

"Look, Tim and I go back," Grian says, and leaves the explanation at that. He studies Pearl's face. It doesn't yield any results; Pearl's expression is remarkably blank. "It's sort of a weird situation," he tries again, wondering what about it is so offending Pearl. There's another awkward silence. "Uh, look, just help me mess with him?"

"...after I spar with Sausage, and that's not what I'm here to ask you about. I wanted to ask if you could make me a new hoodie," Pearl says.

"And pants, I assume?" Grian adds.

"I mean," Pearl says, smiling for the first time the whole interaction.

"I shouldn't have given the option," Grian complains. "First Scar, now everyone around me. You're wearing pants!"

"If you think you can control that -"

"Nope! Nope, not listening to it." Pearl laughs. Grian considers it a victory. "Anyway, I'll just need the fabric, sure. I don't have time to go collecting. I think that, uh, Chromia? They seem like a textiles place, probably them...?"

"You can cut up the dress," Pearl says, rather emphatically.

Grian pauses.

"You'll have to wear some of my -"

"I don't mind. Grian, please."

Grian stares at Pearl. The dress she'd found herself wearing once she came through the portal is a beautiful thing, practically glimmering with magic. Sunflowers are woven into it in impossible ways. If Grian destroys it, there will be no replicating it, not without the magic that created it in the first place. It's a finer piece of clothing than the tailor in Grian wants to destroy.

She's covered it in mud. Her eyes are red. It is well past midnight.

Grian throws his spare set of clothes at her. "Go get changed, I'll make it a rush order, so you actually have proper clothes."

Pearl sags with relief. "Sure. I'll owe you."

"You absolutely do," agrees Grian. "Remember that, I'm going to collect!"

Pearl doesn't argue. She goes to change. Grian watches after her.

...huh.

Well, he thinks. That's one more thing to worry about on the increasingly astronomical list of things to worry about after they went through the Rift. it's really too bad that has to be de-prioritized under a lot of other things because that is some weird Pearl behavior, but Grian's already getting blamed for too much to try to fix something he's not involved in. Still. Still!

Pearl comes back with the dress, and Grian promises to message her when he's done. She leaves. Grian holds the dress in his hands and wonders what, exactly, he's missing here.

He'd never get rid of such a beautiful dress. It had basically been made for her. He still feels bad destroying it.

...it's worth the IOU.

He gets to work.

[jellieland]

This is the way it all ends.

"It's a bit different to how we did it, isn't it?" Says Oli, squinting at Grian, who is hastily constructing a staircase up to the tiny portal.

"What do you mean?" Asks Jimmy.

"There's been lot less drama, right?" He spins around and glares suspiciously at the mustachioed robot behind them, before spinning back and almost, but not quite, falling over. "No-one's even blown anything up. It's a bit boring, really."

"Well." Jimmy shrugs, nonplussed. "I guess so." He frowns. "That is a bit odd, though, actually. Grian's here. Why hasn't anything blown up?"

("Hey!" Shouts Grian from across the room. Jimmy ignores him.)

"Maybe they felt like switching things up a bit?" Says Pix, appearing beside them.

"Jesus, Pix!" Oli claps his hand to his heart. "You can't just do that to me, I have a very delicate constitution!"

"Oh, I'm sorry Oli, I'll be more careful next time."

"See that you are!"

"Wait." Jimmy cuts in. "What do you mean switching things up a bit?"

"Well-" And here, Pix hesitates. He glances between the various hermits gathered around the room, and back to Jimmy. "Well. I know Grian's felt like he's getting a bit predictable lately. And for some reason it's important to him that he's not."

"Right, right." Says Oli, nodding sagely. "You've gotta keep 'em guessing."

Pix half-grins, half-shrugs. "I guess?"

"Huh." Jimmy looks over at Grian, eyes narrowed. "Do you think that means-"

"No, Jimmy, I don't think that means he's going to stop tormenting you, sorry." Pix looks as though he is trying very hard not to laugh.

Jimmy makes an indecipherable noise of annoyance.

"So that's the only reason they're being all boring, then?" Asks Oli.

And suddenly Pix looks serious again. Almost torn. "I- maybe." He says. "I think-" And he sighs, and turns, and looks at Grumbot with something that is almost, but not quite, guilt.

"I think," He says, "That maybe they wanted to try for a quiet ending, this time."

Jimmy opens his mouth, realizes he isn't quite sure what to say, and closes it.

Oli has no such problem. "And what in the world is that supposed to mean, Mr Lore Man?"

At that, Pix chuckles. "Here I'm just Pix, Oli." And before either of them can inquire about what that means, he continues, hesitantly. "It's not... really my story to tell. Or, well. I say that." He laughs at some kind of private joke. "It's not really my place to tell you, here."

He glances over at Sausage, whose crown is fitted perfectly to his head, then follows his gaze to what remains of the portal.

"I get it, I think." He says, still looking at the rift. "Once you've gone out with a bang once, I'd imagine taking a step back next time sounds quite appealing."

The staircase is finished. There is a birch trapdoor at the top, so they will be able to get through. If they had waited much longer, it seems, it would have been too late for them to get back at all.

Pix shrugs. "Not everything has to be the end of the world. Sometimes it's just the end of your part in it."

"Well yes, but it would be funny if it was though wouldn't it?" Says Oli. "Then they'd have to come back through with us again and they'd probably build another death robot who doesn't have any appreciation for the arts, and then we'd try and keep them there again but oh no! now they want to-"

"I think it's time to go home." Says Jimmy.

Pix nods.

"Yeah." He says. "I think it is."

[copperbadge]

You know, I had thought that the old jokes about bad airline food, which were very common in the 1990s, had stopped mainly because airline food had gotten better. It had to have, right? As food technology and chemistry improved, we must have fixed that. I just couldn't know, because mostly I fly Southwest and rarely take a flight longer than about four hours, and Southwest just doesn't do meals.

But now I think probably it's just that airline food is much rarer. Even flights that would have had food twenty-five years ago (pre-9/11) now mostly don't. So it's not that the food is better, it's just rarer. The comedy is less relatable.

I will say that the mushroom tortellini I got in my "lunch" on this flight home was pretty edible, but when the tray was set in front of me I looked at the hardtack bread roll, the very basic salad with its little pot of bland yogurt dressing, and the tortellini in very scant tomato sauce, and I thought, I bet I can hack this. (It's kind of a conference trick of mine -- I have startled many a stranger at a conference breakfast buffet by producing from seeming nowhere a breakfast sandwich, and then informing them that they, too, can take a croissant from the pastry rack, eggs and sausage from the chafing dishes, and jam from the condiments, and make a breakfast sandwich fit for a king.)

Then I decided to write some fanfic of my own damn novels because Eddie Rambler has definitely done this, and if anyone can fix airline food it's him, and if anyone's going to be a willing accomplice, it's Noah "self-propelled trouble magnet and food garbage disposal" Deimos.

"Hey there, friends and fans and everyone keeping it new out there!" Eddie Rambler said, but unlike his usual Photogram openings, his voice was hushed -- not subdued, but much quieter than usual. "I'm coming to you from somewhere over the arctic, and pretty much everyone else is asleep, so I'm trying to keep quiet, which as everyone knows is for me quite an effort. And if you're wondering why I'm not my normal golden well-lit self, it's because I'm filming this in the first-class cabin of an airplane using ambient light and a phone flashlight for a spot." 

He leaned back, so that his face wasn't filling the camera anymore, and the rest of the room came into view: a tiny nook with a reclining airline seat. The arm was lifted, and Eddie was sitting sideways on the cushion; on the reclined back of the seat, next to him, Noah was perched, grinning impishly.

"Now, I couldn't sleep so Gregory kicked me out of our two-person cabin, and Noah here had a cabin to himself because his folks are sharing one and he's the odd man out, so he let me come in here to film. Friend of the gram Noah Deimos of course, NoahTheTerror -- " Eddie and Noah both pointed at the same empty space, where a link would later go to Noah's Photogram, "and I are both flying first-class for only the second time in our lives. When I traveled with Truly Tasty I was always on the bus because we had a lot of equipment, and Noah used to be a peasant -- "

"I'm still a peasant," Noah said. 

"You're a prince, kiddo."

"I'm a peasant prince," Noah insisted.

"I could kick you back to Economy," Eddie said, grinning at him. 

"Well, princehood has perks," Noah allowed. 

"Anyway," Eddie said, slinging an arm around Noah and ruffling his hair, "the two of us decided to stay up and get into mischief, which is why we're filming at thirty five thousand feet. We were just going to play cards, but we got to comparing notes about airline food, and about five minutes in I said, whoa, this is content, let's not waste it. So, young prince, tell me what you were saying about airline food before we started filming."

Noah nodded. "First class food is okay. It helps that you're eating it in a really fancy seat and you know how much you paid for that fancy seat. But it's still kinda..." he stuck out his tongue, waggling his head. "It's just served in fancier dishes. And outside of first class...I mean, I'll eat it, but I won't like it."

"It's difficult to make good airline food. There are a lot of requirements," Eddie said. "It has to be mass-produced, it has to keep for reasonably long periods of time, some of it has to be reheatable on an airplane, and I don't know if you know this -- I don't know if YOU know this," he added, turning to Noah, "but our tastebuds literally change when we're on an airplane. Something to do with altitude and pressurized cabins. That's why bloody marys are such a popular cocktail. Tomato juice tastes better on an airplane."

"That's nuts," Noah said.

"So do nuts, actually," Eddie told him. "So you end up with some issues. Bread doesn't keep well or reheat well and the texture gets super weird, that's why you don't get good pastry and your bread roll is dry even in first class. Meat is hard to cook at scale or reheat. Sauces tend to separate -- cream sauce is the worst. Vegetables do okay because you can make a whole bunch of salad at once and it'll stay relatively crisp, and protein in sauce is still the most easily reheatable form of food, but stuff like eggs or breakfast meat has to be pretty greasy to reheat well. And then it's just, you know, greasy."

"So, chef, what's the solution?" Noah asked, clearly feeding Eddie a line, grinning as he did so.

"I am so glad you asked," Eddie replied, just as faux-rehearsed. "I managed to weasel two economy-class dinner meals out of the flight attendants -- don't worry, there were spares, nobody went hungry because of this -- and we're going to hack you an airline meal that's both edible and reasonably nutritious. Ready?" 

"Ready!" 

Eddie pulled up a tray table that had been folded flat against the wall, and reached in the other direction to bring two trays of food into the camera's view. "So we've got two meals that each have a salad, a little cup of dressing, a roll with butter, and chocolate bites for dessert. This one is a chicken curry noodle bowl with some mango chutney stir-in over here on the side -- I'm using 'curry' and 'chutney' both very loosely, as does the airline -- and this one is mushroom tortellini in pesto. That's actually pretty good, stuffed pasta does well in this kind of situation and I like a pesto, the bright notes really flare. What's the dressing that comes with the salads, Noah?"

Noah checked one of the little bottles, squinting. "Yogurt dill."

"Pretty good. Probably pretty bland. Oh, we also have salt and pepper. Okay, so what we're going to do is take the worst parts of the meal and add a little bit of the best part and basically make you a two-entree meal that's superior to a single entree with sides. Pop open that bread and give our friends a demo."

Noah tore open the plastic surrounding the bread roll, which was oblong, slightly smaller than a hoagie bun. He tapped it on the tray and it clattered stiffly. He broke off one end and crumbs went everywhere; the inside looked dry when he held it up to the camera.

"This is not a good bread roll," Eddie said. "Butter will make it edible, but we can make it better. We have the technology. We have...the dressing. We're going to just get this bread to a nicer texture by adding some of the dressing..." 

He split the roll with a knife carefully while Noah opened the dressing, then poured a generous dollop onto the bread, spreading it with the knife. "Let that sink in a minute, let's pick out the best lettuce and tomatoes for the sandwich, here we go...all right. You want a spicy chicken curry sandwich or a veggie sandwich?"

"Curry," Noah said. 

"Good call, the dill dressing's going to go nicely with that. All right, we are going to really stir up this chicken in sauce -- it's okay if the noodles get mixed in, that's what we in the biz call texture -- and make sure everything's blended. This mango chutney's going on the other half of the bread to moisten it, and this is -- this is going to get me yelled at by my culinary school teachers," he told Noah, "but we're going to throw that pepper right on the mangos there. It'll add kick to the curry and the hope is that you won't actually get much flavor other than spice. We'll see how it goes. So you got dill dressing with lettuce and tomato, mango chutney with pepper, all that is making the bread nice and soft, and we're going to take some of the chicken curry and slather that right on top." 

Noah used a fork and spoon like tongs to scoop curry onto the roll, sitting open on the plate, and then Eddie closed it carefully. Noah reached for it, but Eddie held up a hand.

"Not yet. Finishing is important," he told the teenager. "You have to let the flavors and textures settle a little, and this is also going to ensure it isn't as messy as it could be to eat, because we're classy assholes."

"Nobody classier," Noah agreed.

"The bread needs time to absorb more liquid. So now we take this paper tray liner and just..." Eddie wrapped the sandwich up in the paper, ignoring where the curry stained it yellow, folded the ends under, and tucked them into a complicated pleat that kept the paper tightly wrapped around the sandwich. "Just let that sit for a second -- if we were actually hacking this meal in economy, now's when you'd eat the rest of the curry, while the sandwich settles. What we're going to do is make a veggie sandwich with this other one. Guess how."

Noah frowned. "Well, there's the other salad, and the dressing, and I guess the pesto..."

"Sure, but where's most of this meal's bulk?"

"The pasta -- are you gonna put tortellini on bread?" Noah asked. 

"Carb on carb can be delicious but we're going to be more delicate than that -- we're going to open up this tortellini and get that awesome mushroom filling out of it and use that like a pate spread," Eddie said.

"Can I change my order? I want the mushroom pesto sandwich," Noah said. Eddie laughed.

"All right, you're the kid, you get your pick. Let's get this tortellini unfolded," he said, and set to work. 

-----

Six hours into their ten hour flight, after Eddie used the first-class wifi to post the video, there was a knock on the door and Gregory put his head in. 

"Hey, you're up!" Eddie said, looking up from his book. Noah gave Gregory a wave from where he was playing video games opposite Eddie. "Am I unbanished from our suite?"

"You are in so much trouble," Gregory said affectionately.

"For what? Noah and I have been super duper quiet, we didn't wake you up or bug Michaelis and Jes or anything."

Gregory held up his phone. "Hacking Bad Airline Food With NoahTheTerror," he read from the screen. 

"That mushroom sandwich was choice," Noah said, without looking up from his game. 

"Curry wasn't bad. Pepper might have been a mistake. I'll workshop it," Eddie said. "Why?"

"Eddie. I love you, but we are literally on a plane owned by a company whose food you just called terrible and hacked so it would be better. Half the internet wants an encore when we get served breakfast, and meanwhile the airline seems torn between promising to upgrade their food offerings and suing you for slander."

"Libel, surely," Eddie said. "I did it in the public record."

"It's libel if it's written down, all you did was talk," Gregory said. "Technically slander."

"Oh, is that all I did?" Eddie asked innocently. 

"I blame you," Gregory said to Noah. "You were supervising."

"I'm an innocent child," Noah said, still not looking up from his game. "Easily led astray. Sounds to me like I came under the sway of a bad influence."

"Anyway it's not libel OR slander if it's true," Eddie said. "They won't sue me, if they do I'll bring one of their awful bread rolls to court and make the judge eat it. Nobody would rule against me after eating one of those."

"The dressing helped, but dressing can only do so much," Noah added loyally. Eddie held his hand out for a fistbump and Noah bumped it, finally setting his game aside.

"Seriously, are we busted?" Eddie asked. "Like, genuinely in trouble busted?"

"Probably not, it's mostly just evidence I can't leave you alone for a minute," Gregory said. 

"Well, the solution to that was to let me keep pestering you in our own two-seat suite and not banish me because you wanted to sleep," Eddie pointed out. 

Gregory opened his mouth to say something, then glanced at Noah and paused. 

"If you'd like to leave Noah to his video games and come back to the suite, we can discuss that where young princeling ears aren't listening," he said finally.

"You can just say Eddie wanted to make out," Noah said. "I'm sixteen, not six."

Gregory rubbed his eyes with one hand. "Eddie?"

Eddie leaned over and planted a kiss on Noah's forehead. "Behave yourself. Hydrate and have a snack before we land."

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do," Noah called as Eddie left, snickering. 

"On a scale of one to ten, how much trouble am I in, honestly?" Eddie asked, following Gregory back into their cabin, which had one chair reclined (covered in blankets that Gregory had turned into some kind of napping nest) and one upright, with Eddie's stuff piled on it. 

"With me, a two. With the airline, probably a five. You might have to do a follow-up," Gregory said. 

"Like, the breakfast follow-up, or like an apology?"

Gregory shuffled aside so Eddie could shift his stuff off the chair and sit -- then settled in his lap comfortably, arms resting on his shoulders.

"Well, I say you double-down and make the breakfast post," he said. "But I am now prepared to distract you with making out, as Noah so charmingly put it, if you're interested."

"Oh, now you've seen my impressive sandwich-making skills you're ready to join the mile-high club?" Eddie asked. 

"That mushroom thing did look kind of good."

Eddie kissed him. "Tell you what, when they do breakfast service I'll use all the butter I saved from the rolls and make you an incredibly mediocre but edible egg sandwich. If I can get more dressing I could probably even make a decent mayo substitute." 

"You can't use my phone for extra lighting," Gregory told him, and Eddie was going to protest, but more interesting things were happening and by the time he remembered to be sullen about it, breakfast was being served. 

[ciderwitch]

So like I was wondering if youde be ok with writing a self insert of Standley Pines bc I am such a simp and am in need of fluff. Please please Id love you forever.

Surprisingly, I've only recently noticed that I apparently have a debilitating attraction to DILFS and GILFs... Love me some Grunkle Stan!

You had just started working at Gravity Falls Town Hall and already it seemed like things in your life were taking a strange turn. I mean, yeah, the realtor had told you that it was a "vibrant and quirky" community, so you figured it would be a little odd. The rent was cheap and the apartment you were living in was better than anything you'd even heard of back in the city, so vibrant and quirky would have to do.

Still, it was the third time this month the Pines kids had been chased by unholy abominations, and the terror of seeing a not-deer get eaten by a werepanther was starting to become a little too familiar for your liking.

You needed to get out more, you decided. Thankfully, some of your coworkers had a monthly get together at one of the local diners to hang out and they were more than happy to invite you along. They told you new folks didn't come here often, but you found the community warm and welcoming all the same. Eldritch horrors aside, it was a great place to live.

Apparently you did not get the memo that it was cancelled tonight, so here you were pouring syrup over your solo lunch of pancakes and sausage when the door chimed.

It was Wendy Corduroy and she had a downright miserable expression on her face. You could see why. Robbie Valentino was hot on her heels, as usual. It didn't take a genius to see that he was head over heels for her — or that she was completely done with him. And, since nobody else seemed particularly interested in helping, you called out to her.

"Ms. Corduroy! Care to join me? I was just going over some paperwork your father submitted and I could use your help."

She gave you a soft smile and quickly slid into the booth across from you while Robbie grumbled to himself, shoved his hands in his pockets, and stormed away.

"He is persistent, isn't he?" You say with a roll of your eyes.

"I know!" She groaned miserably, slapping her face between her hands. "Thanks for the save, by the way. If he actually paid attention to me he'd know my dad doesn't do paperwork."

"Anytime, Wendy. That's what adults are for, you know?" you answered.

"Pfft, no way," she said, "You're the only cool adult in this town, man. I bet if you were mayor it wouldn't suck so bad around bere."

"Thanks, but no thanks. I'm not ready for that kind of responsibility," you laughed. "Besides, Mayor Cutebiker is still plenty popular. I don't think I'd have a chance."

"Whatever you say, Miss Y/N," she said with a shrug, "Mind if I eat with you? My dad and my brothers are meeting here in about 30, but I'm starving."

"Of course not, Wendy. I'd be happy for the company," you answered happily. You ate your pancakes in good company and waved her goodbye when her family arrived. You were polishing off the last of your drink and a slice of pie when the door chimed again and in came the Pines family.

You recognized the twins immediately. Where trouble brewed, the twins were at the source. Despite the threat of danger, you couldn't be angry at them. They were very kind and intelligent kids and had saved you from a gnome kidnapping earlier just this month, so you would say you were on good terms.

Then you looked up and saw the Stan brothers, Ford and Stanley. You hadn't actually met them personally yet, but you could tell by reputation alone who was who.

Ford was walking with his journal in hand, taking notes and examining the Medusa-dog's head mounted on the wall beside him while he mumbled to himself.

Stanley followed right after. Mister Mystery himself, with the usual suit and red fez you'd seem from afar and that half the town had warned you away from.

Both brothers were handsome, you realized, though Stanley was the one that stuck out to you. He had a great dad-bod, but you could tell there was some muscle under the poorly fitted suit jacket he always wore.

You blinked a few times to yourself. Man, you really had been single for too long. Your eyes met, and you offered a polite wave before looking at your mug and taking a sip. Staring probably wouldn't make a great first impression and you secretly hoped he couldn't read your thoughts.

Your reflection was interrupted the moment Mabel saw you, of course. The kid ran right over and dragged her brothers and uncles right along with her. She was sliding into the booth beside you before you even had a chance to scoot in.

"Hi, Ms. Y/n! It's me, Mabel!" she said excitedly. "Have you met my grunkles? This is Grunkle Stan, and this is Grunkle Ford!" she added, pointed to them accordingly.

"Nice to meet you both," you say, nodding at each of them. "My name is Y/n."

"Nice to meet you, Y/n. My name is Stanford Pines, and this is my brother Stanley," he added. "I don't believe I've seen you around before. Did you just move in recently?"

"Yes, a few months ago, but I've been so busy with my new job as Mayor Cutebiker's Chief Administrator that I haven't had much time to get out."

"Well, that's a shame, toots," Stan added with a sly smile and a performative wink. "You'll have to let old Stan-the-man show you the town sometime. I know this place like the back of my hand!"

"Grunkle Stan, you got lost in the mall two days ago and we had to have security come find you." Dipper added exasperatedly.

"Like the back of my hand!" Stan reiterated, using his hand to turn dip 180 degrees by his head.

"Ooh! ooh! We could give you the Pines Family Tour!" Mabel added excitedly. "We know everything, don't we Dipper."

"Well, maybe not everything, but I'm sure we could show her a couple of places," the boy added, running his nose at the praise.

"Children, Stanley, please. Let's give Ms. Y/n some peace. I believe she was finishing up as we came in, weren't you, Miss?"

"Yes, I had just finished the last of my coffee and alas, I have more work to do. But perhaps I will have to take you up on the Pines Family Tour, huh kids? And I'm sure you could show me a thing or two yourself, huh, Stan-the-man?" you laughed.

He laughed with you, but the blush burning up his cheeks as you left let you know he hadn't quite expected you to return his interest.

Man, you'd have to hang out at the diner more often.

[lemonmaid]

Type of drinks and food they order from Starbucks!

Warnings: None!

Riddle Rosehearts : Royal English Breakfest Tea Lattle with brown sugar and a Red Velvet Loaf.

When he doesn't (when he is lazy) want to eat at Heartslabyul and have tea with others, he will stop by and get something small to take to class. Basic tea and a sweet loaf.

"Are you okay Riddle?".

"Yeah, am just overwhelmed. I need something fast and simple just to get the day over with".

"Is it that type of day already?".

"Yes, you can blame that duo of yours".

"Do you want shared custody?".

"If they keep waking me up in the middle of the night. Yes".

Leona Kingscholar : White Mocha with raspberry syrup and an Impossible Breakfest Sandwich

Listen when this man got the Impossible sandwich he thought it was a regular sausage sandwich, he still does, don't tell him he is eating vegan meat.

I also feel like he doesn't drink a lot of coffee, it's like a once-a-month thing for him when he is feeling peckish.

"White Mocha today Leona?".

"Yeah... I forgot that we have a pop quiz today in Trein's class".

"Oh shit, is that today?".

"Yes, also can you get me that sandwich that Ruggie always brings me?".

"Yeah, the impossible?".

"Yes that... also what's in it? What makes it "impossible"?".

"Uhhhh".

Azul Ashengrotto : Americano adds four shots and the Mushrooms & Kale egg bites.

This man loves those disgusting americanos, even more disgusting he keeps adding shots, he is business savvy and has to stay awake to deal with the Leech twins shit.

"Sir, I really don't feel comfortable giving this drink to you..."

"Why?"

"Because this is your third Grande Americano with four extra shots...... it already has four.... You've basically had 24 shots of expresso..."

Kalim Al-Asim : anything from tic tok and a Tomato & Mozzarella on Focaccia

This man is the type of customer who just shows a picture in the batista face.

"CAN I HAVE THIS??".

"Umm yeah, is Jamil okay with you coming here to drink? You know assassination? I could poison your drink right now".

"Psh it's fine, besides I've heard this drink is basically Neapolitan ice cream! But i wonder what Jamil would want.."

"Probably a shot-in-the-dark".

Vil Schoenheit : Chocolate Cream Cold Brew and a Feta Wrap

I feel like he doesn't really like sweet drinks "too much sugar", so he gets something bland but has a sweeten taste. It's like regular coffee but cold and instead of creamer you're putting melted whip cream on top.

"Samethinh always?"

"Yes, I'm so exhausted. My phone kept blowing up, Stan twitter is really something else".

"Oh yeah, I heard Epel talked about that. Are you getting canceled or something?"

"Ugh, no I wish. Me and Neige were seen eating brunch yesterday and now we are being shipped or media outlets saying "OH wHaT a KiND hEArT NieGe hAS foR MaKInG uP with ViLaN aCtoR ViL".

"Wish you luck on that, here's your drink by the way"

"Ugh, you're going probably remake this, there's too much water not enough cold brew".

Idia Shroud : Matcha Crème Frappuccino and Cheese Danish

When he does come out of his room, instead of the library he goes to the Starbucks café and plays video games or study.

"Um (Name) can you make it extra pretty, like in the picture? I wanna take a photo for my discord normies to prove I get out of my room".

"Yeah of course! Do you want caramel or honey on your Cheese Danish by the way?"

"Caramel but I want the Danish hot".

"So when you work, do you think as it as Papa's Freezeria but real life?"

"You need to get out more and yes. Yes I do, I even hear the music in my head".

Malleus Draconia : Caramel Macchiato with hazelnut and Coffee Cake

He only came to visit you, I doubt this man has drank any caffeine in his life. So when you asked what he wanted he saw the first thing and order it. I can't say if he liked it though, but do you know when cats' eyes dilate? Yeah his eyes were like that for a while, then he would randomly twitch, and purr.

"Okay, Malleus. Let's stop with the coffees, we have tea you know.... we even have cake pops".

"Coffee cake...."

"Malleus...."

Authors Note:

Hey guys! Sorry I've been so busy, I literally just started working and I got out of training yesterday and my manager came up to me ans was like "do you wanna be manager?" Appernlty everyone is leaving the store, so it will be me and two other people, who've by the way, worked longer than I have. I'm just tired and busy, but I am trying to get Isseked Baby Reader out soon, I just want to make it a longer chapter, so you guys can enjoy that while I girlboss my way to owning an apartment.

Thank you guys so much for the support and likes!

[tev-the-random]

I AM AN ABSOLUTE JUMBLED MESS, SO HAVE SOME OF MY MESSY THOUGHTS ABOUT THE CROSSOVER TODAY, IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER:

So far, we've got Tango in Gobland, Scar in Tumble Town, Pearl and Joe in Chromia, Cleo and Xisuma in Eversea, Keralis and Jevin in Sanctuary. Impulse and Grian are kind of making their own places. Did I miss anyone?

There are two kinds of emperors in this crossover: the ones who stick to the lore and claim they don't know the Hermits and the ones who drop everything and yell "MY RANCHER!".

Pix fits the second category, though a lot quieter.

Pearl fits the first, which is strange, considering her role as Literally God. At this point we really can't be sure of what exactly this means for Pearl or for Sausage. What is she?

Gem is her own category. There's something very sus going on with her.

Jimmy absolutely freaking out over seeing Tango again though-

I think at this point it's canon that either people have nametags floating above their heads or everyone is wearing an actual name tag and that's how they all know each other's names even though they never met.

Scott just got a magical flash grenade to the eye. How is this man seeing anything after the entire sky erupted in magic light-

Sausage. I'm not surprised. Not even disappointed. Xisuma most certainly is, though.

Is it a custom in Sanctuary to kiss people on the cheeks or is Sausage like... actively making out with newcomers? I know this is a very weird question, but it's Sausage we're talking about.

Joel adopted the one night armour stand joke lmao-

Tango freaking out over every little thing he sees.

Murder is canonically legal in Empires.

Grian is a force of chaos, as expected.

Rancher duo collabs again, pog? With horns and everything?

And Tango is now an engineer in Gobland, which means Fwhip might have some more to do other than poke the Sheriff. This crossover is a win all around for Jimmy, except for the toy jokes, which may increase, but I will thoroughly ignore that-

There's No Curse In Glimmer Grove.

Sausage keeping tabs on all the Hermits. That' either means that he's not as unsuspecting of them as he may seem or it implies that all Hermits are now their own empiresonas-

Grian's appearance in Tumble Town was so incredibly ominous, holy sh-

Shelby trying to be hospitable but at the same time being a witch inviting unsuspecting people into her hut in the cursed swamp after claiming the fog eats souls and pulling out a scythe. I'd be terrified.

Hats and mounts get passed all around. Is this a crime?

Why does only Pearl get an outfit change? I mean, I know why, but like, canonically speaking, why did it happen?

Still, I felt a bit teary-eyed upon seeing the Arena Duo together again, the Gilded Helianthia dress only made it better. I missed these guys interacting so much, and I don't know if I'm in denial like Sausage or if I'm just about to open a Word document to write an entire one shot about it-

Sausage had a vision of Gilded Helianthia, I'm not ok

Oh god, now we have both Joel and Scar yelling LORE in the same place, save us-

So convenient that E!False decided to travel far away right when HC!False shows up. Smart decision, yes, but at the same time, the fanfic writers must now assemble to make the two of them meet.

Ok, so apparently some people remember the Life series and some people don't. I guess that means that some of the characters, such as Jimmy, Joel and Scar, are the same characters from the Life series after they lost their third life. Other characters, such as Scott and Pearl, are not. But what does this mean?

Fwhip sounded so hurt for a moment when he thought Jimmy made Scar his new deputy. This man is not ok.

Soup Group? Soup Group.

Big ears Scar is cursed.

Sausage is too hospitable for his own good.

Scar's deputy and moral support arc. I'm happy for it, but at the same time, I don't trust it.

On one hand, I do think the wallpaper in Tumble Town looks very pretty and it would be so sad to destroy it. On the other hand, Jimmy deserves some dignity and shouldn't take this slander anymore, I swear to god-

Poor Impulse is so confused, why is this cat lady yelling at him, why are animals walking on two legs, where is he, he's having a crisis-

Stratos' class system gets called out, finally.

Just when Joel was so close to convincing the fandom that he's tall, the Empires' folk shut it down and confirm that they're only playing along and he is not, in fact, tall. Short king is back?

Katherine, when you go around telling everyone, including literal strangers your secret, I don't think it can be considered a secret anymore.

Fwhip encourages crime, such a good deputy of the law.

But then again, it's not stealing, it's borrowing-

Seeing the empires from the Hermits' perspectives is crazy, I hadn't realised just how massive these empires got.

The Hermits are staying for a while. I'm so happy this isn't going to be a one-episode thing, I'm dying to see where this goes!

(I'm trying to watch as many perspectives as I can. Some of them haven't come out yet, and I don't feel like watching Keralis' hour long episode. Can someone tell me what happens there?)

[collecting-stories]

okay so i've never requested a platonic fic before, but if you're interested, i'd love to see a best friend!jake seresin x platonic!reader! i dunno anything fluff or just silliness with the guy :)

like when i think about being friends with him, i acknowledge 100% that he is a CertifiedPrettyBoy™ but he's just not my type 😭

but yeah, platonic!jake seresin x fem!reader please :)) i could see sarcasm thrown at him from reader and him spinning it into one of his flirting bits

I was super excited about this request because I'm ace and I love platonic/best friend fics so much.

-

"What do we need for fondue?" Jake asked, leaning against the basket of your shopping cart, flexing his arms when a woman walked passed, looking over at him and smiling. You rolled your eyes, you should have known that going shopping for game day would've been easier by yourself. Although you hated driving and Jake was always happy to drive. And brave the absolute headache that was Trader Joes on a Saturday. 

"Broccoli, some kind of bread, apples, sausage..." You read over the list that you had unfolded on top of a bag of bagels. You looked up from the list to see him looking behind him, still following the same woman, "Seresin, I swear to god-"

"I'm paying attention darling," he joked, turning back and smiling at you. 

"You are not paying attention," you replied, "but I will pretend that you are. What do you wanna get?" 

"Hmm," he hummed meaningfully before standing up straight, "broccoli, apples, sausage." 

"You just want me to have to go back over to the bread cause you know I hate that lady," you muttered.

"I think you come here too often if you have a literal vendetta against a woman stocking shelves," he replied, "but also, I saw the guy with the kids headed to the veggies and I don't want you to commit murder over a bag of tiny trees."

"A true american hero Hangman," you laughed, turning the cart in the opposite direction.

The first time you met Jake Seresin he'd been out with some friends at the bar you worked at and he'd laid on the charm, pleasantly surprised but unbothered that you weren't interested. From there, something of a strange friendship developed and eventually evolved into him moving in with you when he officially moved to the area and didn't wanna live on base. The whole thing worked out better than you ever imagined that it would, mostly because he was the first roommate you didn't actively hate. You even did things you weren't entirely excited to do, like host Super Bowl parties for his friends. 

"Look at this!" Jake interrupted your stare down with the bread shelves, trying to decide between the ciabatta and the french loaves. When you turned he was holding a chocolate cake shaped like a heart, "for Valentines."

"I have a date," you reminded him.

"On Valentines?" He asked, looking down at the cake and then back at you.

"Yeah remember, I told you? I literally put it on the calendar." 

"Then we can have it the day before." He insisted, putting it in the cart.

"On Galentine's day?"

"More like Pal-entines day."

"Ehh," you cringed and laughed when he rolled his eyes at you. "Did you get everything?"

"Yeah, and that girl's number too," he smiled, waving his phone at you.

"Naturally," you replied, "hey maybe you can share the cake with her."

Jake shook his head, "first date on Valentines? Yikes," he said and then, "you aren't going on a first date on Valentines are you?"

"No...it's like our third date." You replied, "I've literally detailed both previous dates."

"Yeah and you still haven't told me, your nearest and dearest friend, who it is you're going out with," Jake pointed out. He was right, obviously. You hadn't mentioned who you had been dating. You were usually too transparent with each other and you wanted to tell him it was just that...it was someone he knew and if things didn't go well or fizzled out or anything, you didn't want Jake to feel like he needed to get involved. You loved him and he was your best friend but sometimes he went into older brother mode and you didn't need him thinking he needed to fix something or move something along that didn't need to be fixed or moved along. 

"I will...but not right now, when we're supposed to be grocery shopping," you replied. 

Jake stuck his tongue out at you and grabbed the grocery list from the cart, scanning over the items you hadn't crossed out yet, "does this guy like football?"

"Why would that matter?" You asked, grabbing the ciabatta bread finally and putting it in your cart, "I don't like football."

"Don't like football?" He practically laughed out loud as he said it, "darling you were literally screaming at the TV during play-offs." 

"Um," you dragged out the 'm' as you shot him a skeptical look, feigning disbelief at his claim, "I don't remember that."

"I definitely remember that. Coyote as my witness, I have never seen someone that excited about football outside my dad," he replied. "Hey, it's not Coyote is it?"

"What's not Coyote?" 

"This guy you're dating."

"It is not Coyote," you replied, "I promise you will be the first to know if I feel like it's definitely going somewhere...and it won't be Coyote."

"Just checking." 

You rolled your eyes, taking back the grocery list from him, "grocery shopping Hangman, grocery shopping." 

[captainmera]

I want to ask what Oliver thinks of the following bloods:

Cow blood, Bird blood (like doves or quail), deer blood, and lamb blood

Also, does he like blood sausages then?

details below! :) [read IBWR here!]

ANIMALS:

Cow: Expensive, but can taste really nice if the cow was healthy. But you seldom get blood from just one cow, it's a mixed liquid.

Bird: Oliver likes chicken blood most out of all birds he's had - which is.. not a lot. Most chickens in London were fed seeds lumped with butter. So their blood leaves the same feeling in the roof of his mouth as butter sauce does. - Doves he'd feel weird about as it's probably somebody's pet.... Not that he haven't tried it or anything. He just feels bad about it.

Deer: Never had it.

Horse: Has had it. It tastes terrible. He'd only drink horse blood if it was absolutely necessary. But that might just be an Oliver thing and not an every-vampire-thing.

Pig: Just as good as human, he'll pick it over any of the other. Some butchers are aware of this, though, and depending on the butcher, they'll either keep the pig blood the same for everyone, or add a bit to the price.

Lamb: Oliver actually really like lamb blood. But he feels a bit religiously torn about that. Paul told him it was fine and Darcy told him it wasn't. So Oliver kind of flip flops on whatever it's okay for him to drink it or not. He has asked his pastor about it and he gave the thumbs up in a pinch.

Rats: He's had rat blood before, it's about as bad as horse.

Dogs/Cats: He had dog, once. Never again. Never had cat, wont try cat. He still feels bad about the dog, even if it couldn't really be helped.

Fish: Light, tastes so clean it might as well be water. It's not potent at all and really difficult to measure how much of it is needed, probably a bucket full of fish gut to have the same potency as a soup-spoon of human blood. It's honestly barely worth measuring. It's the only blood vampires feel safe accidentally consuming because it's just so pointless. (which is Lucky for Oliver, as his best bud is a selkie who eats fish all the time and likes sharing fish with him)

BLOOD IN FOOD:

Blood in food is complicated for vampires in general.

If they make it themselves, fine! Then they know how much is in it, they get to measure it themselves and can be precise about the amount, and eat it in a timely manner so that they have consumed what they need in the time they need it.

Blood pudding, for one, is Oliver's favourite go-to when the blood is about to go bad. Then he can keep it shelfed a little longer.

There's also sealing blood in bottles. Basically you put the blood in the bottle or jar with a bit of lemon juice squeezed into it. Then you boil the bottle/jar with a lid on and then you can keep it in the cupboard for basically years and you've conserved the content - though, do check it regularly so the lid isn't popped or something. If you didn't screw it tightly then it's all work for nothing (you can do this with soup and any food too btw.)

Given you have access to lemon, that is. Or didn't fuck up the process somewhere.

WHEN GIVEN FOOD is where it gets complicated.

Someone might have thought it would be a welcoming gesture to serve blood sausages or meat with blood-wine sauce.

This often leads to awkward situations as the vampire will have to abstain from eating, then. As they cannot risk going over their consumption limit. They don't know how much blood is in each serving after all and may not be prepared (or able) to do the math on the spot.

Blood, basically, is something they need to keep track on regularly, lest it escalate and make their lives harder.

Some people don't understand the measurement thing and will get frustrated "but vampires need blood, right? I got out of my way to make something nifty for you. Im helping." and then there's conflict.

It's just difficult sometimes, to live life with invisible rules that dictate your life and only a handful of people are willing to listen and understand the difficulties of it.

People with allergies, medication, diabetes or other ailments might relate to this particular brand of problems, as sometimes people just don't know better - and sometimes they don't even bother to care a little bit.

Oliver's friends and family does, though. His father keeps blood in his house, just in-case Oliver doesn't have any. His buddy Sebastian tries to keep a perfume bottle of conserved blood on his person, in a pinch.

:)

[voidnoidoid]

Jimmy, aka Tumble Town's Outlaw (+ rambly character progression analysis and stuffs)

my take on Jimmy's villain arc is that instead of trying to reclaim his role as Sheriff, he should instead become the most feared outlaw the empires have ever seen.

old timey sheriffs often toed the line between justice and crime, and Jimmy has made it clear he's not above some corruption: bribery, stealing, manipulation, shady deals, arson etc. He's not the pillar of justice and upholder of the law he makes himself out to be. Hell he doesn't even follow his own laws sometimes and he let Scar break all of them! So why not turn to crime and vengeance?

recently I read an article about Kid Curry, a notorious outlaw of the Wild West, and I thought hey, what if Jimmy's character went in that direction? (PG-13 of course cmon) He could have a cool nickname like Dynamite Jim or something. Another thing I noticed is that Jimmy doesn't use a gun, saying that he is averse to using that kind of weapon, despite most cowboys carrying some form of firearm on them. He prefers to use a bow and arrow and his lasso. Could it be that he's used a gun before? Anyway I think it would a real turning point in his character arc for him to start using a gun, and ironically name it the Peacemaker (after the colt single action army revolver)

I find the Sheriff turned Outlaw story really compelling given what we know of Jim's character so far. Other people have brought this point up but Jimmy's whole character seems to tie in with themes of isolation and loneliness. Tumble Town doesn't have any villagers or custom citizens anywhere. The saloon is empty and devoid of any beverages. It's just Jimmy and his horses around here. Almost as if Tumble Town is completely deserted.

We don't know anything about Jimmy's life before he became the self-proclaimed Sheriff, but I assume his life before that wasn't a happy one. Why else would he crave respect so desperately, unless he wasn't afforded any before? He hates being seen as powerless and lesser than, as being called a toy is very much a soft spot for him. Him shrinking down in size and having his peers literally and metaphorically look down on him isn't helping either. From the beginning, Jimmy was never one to be taken seriously, as he was a goofy, good-natured man who kind of bumbled into being a Sheriff.

He demanded respect by imposing his laws upon every empire, despite not really having any right to do so other than being "The Sheriff". He is the leader of Tumble Town, not the whole 12 empires after all. Jim didn't really do much to show that he deserved the kind of authoritative respect he wanted from everyone, but the other rulers still liked having him around. People he considered allies such as Gem, Sausage and FWhip treated him nicely for a time, but either tolerated his Sheriff playacting and/or made fun of him by playing into the whole Toy Story bit. They were his "friends" but didn't give him respect as Sheriff and as a person.

For the majority of empires Jimmy has been treated as lesser than, as someone who isn't even human. He wasn't given basic respect asa a person. Joel outright mocked Jimmy by calling him a toy to his face, and every single person who has interacted with Jimmy has engaged in the toy bit. Hell, his own deputies, FWhip AND Scar, didn't treat him like an equal.

FWhip became deputy for his own gain and wore the toy story alien uniform to subtly make fun of Jimmy without him knowing. He did get attached to Jimmy though and took it extremely personally when he got fired for disrespecting Jimmy, getting back at him by stealing the hat and badges. I do think c!FWhip took it too far and is basically an embittered ex.

Scar on the other hand, was extremely nice to Jimmy and literally built him an entire train and a bunch of buildings as well as setting up villager trading posts for him. It's a really kind and generous thing to do for Jimmy, but despite that he still doesn't respect him in the way Jim wants him to. He gave Jim a whole pep talk about how "being Woody is a good thing" which, while being very sweet and encouraging, also unconsciously reinforces the fact that Scar DOES see Jimmy as a toy just like the rest of Empires. And when Scar was imprisoned by Jimmy for like 10 seconds, he threatened to call Jimmy a toy to get himself out of jail.

Alright fast forward to present time. Jimmy meets the Old/Past Sheriff and learns more about being a real sheriff. He learns how to get people to respect him more and is really excited to have a mentor figure, especially someone who used to be a real Sheriff running a town. Excitedly, he calls his friends over to the great bridge, riding atop a horse, to share about the cool thing that happened to him. Notice Gem, Sausage and FWhip are all wearing the Dawn Sunglasses, and Jimmy isn't, which creates this feeling that Jimmy is an "other" and not part of the in group. Instead of listening and congratulating him, all three of them crouch and poke fun at him for being small. Jimmy is all too aware of how everybody is treating him. He promises to be a better man, a better Sheriff they can all be proud of. And so he begs them, "so do you guys finally respect me now?"

Do you see me for who I am?

Will you finally see me as your equal?

Your friend?

And he is shot dead.

They've made their point loud and clear, and Jimmy has had enough. No more playing games. If they refuse to respect him, he will make them fear.

[welcome-back-to-hoimycraf]

so empires smp is a fantasy setting right? so you know what we do when there's a fantasy setting? do complex worldbuilding to figure out how each empire would communicate of course :)

(basically this is just an excuse for me to dump my brain out a bit)

Codlands- i feel like the codlands wouldn't actually have a set way for communication. in my mind, it's one of the smallest empires and is pretty casual at that, so if they need a message sent out someone will deliver it personally

Crystal Cliffs- magic!! gotta use that magic for something. i feel like gem would use doves or something for more casual communication (for style points ofc) but if it's urgent i wanna say there's a way to magically kind of fax notes straight to someone. like you're sitting at your desk and POOF, note. i also like to think that her and fwhip exchange "talking notes" like that one in harry potter that ron gets where it records your voice i guess? i dunno i think they do it for gossip since it's best consumed spoken not written

Gilded Helianthia- duckies :)) i don't know a single thing about pearl's empire yet but i know it has a duck flag so yeah duck messengers

Grimlands- the grimlands uses a mix of carrier pigeons and ravens. plus, later on when fwhip learns a bit of magic he starts using the magic notes with gem but the actual citizens don't do that

House Blossom- is it house blossom or the overgrowth? i dunno i still need to watch katherine's pov. anyway i think people will just. get flowers that show up on their doorstep or something from the overgrowth. no one knows how they get there and the messages attached are always slightly cryptic

Mezalea- hot air balloons!! like joel's delivery service :D i think it's not very efficient but gets style points definitely. like imagine a tiny balloon floating down to your window to give you a note. that's magical

Maztec Empire- i feel like they don't communicate with anyone outside their own empire i dunno why. maybe cause it's called the lost empire? i know nothing about joey's pov yet tho so this will probably change

Mythland- they don't communicate sausage just appears behind you if he needs to tell you something. how? 🤷‍♂️

Ocean Empire- fish are best messengers. yeah they get the paper wet but look at their little faces. you're gonna be mad at that lil guy?

Pixandria- i'm gonna say that wandering traders give out messages for you. like mailmen. so there's a whole system of wandering trader comes back home, stocks up goods to travel again, someone pays for them to deliver a message, etc.

Rivendell- the owls! harry potter mfs using owls for mail 🤨 but i think scott actually uses an owl for mail in an episode but i'm not sure? i watched his pov like 8 months ago i can't remember

Undergrove- i'd have to give this some actual thought but at the moment i think it would be very funny if they could make mushrooms spell out messages like the mosquitoes in gravity falls. like they're very simple and always kind of misspelled

i have not watched all the povs so some stuff may not be accurate so please let me know if i should change anything (please feed my worldbuilding need please please please please please please)