#i’m so ill for them atm

[icedmo]

😭😭😭😭😭💘💘💘💘💘

[the-martyrfication-of-the-matron]

Okay but like…

Her 💕💕💕

[girlvinland]

Today just hasn’t been a very good day.

[thatabitcryptic]

Wait if frisk wasn’t adopted by toriel, and taken in by someone else like sans and papyrus or someone from their past, chara and Asriel wouldn’t be their siblings, right?

For me at least I see chara as frisks acting older sibling and so asriel is their brother by extension regardless of who is frisks guardian

[the-casbah-way]

there are a lot of layers to the fictional world in my head like. i’ve written a musical based on fictionalised versions of real historical figures. so the fictionalised versions have basically become my ocs. but then i also have a group of fake actors in my head who got cast in my fake musical to play my ocs. so they are also my ocs. but also one of the fake actors is basically a self insert because he plays the role in the musical that i essentially wrote for myself

[applepidotcom]

everrrry timmmmeeeeee I want to buy a pair of boots and I start to decide on what to do, I get sucked back into that pit of indecisiveness with “what if these don’t last me a long time” “what if they aren’t comfy” “what if I could find an even better brand” “what if I waste my money” like I won’t be able to buy another pair of boots in my life ever ;(

So anyway. Update: the moment I go to finally buy the boots . My size was out of stock :) I checked this morning and they were in stock but NOW WHEN I WANT TO BUY-

[ash-and-starlight]

Do you have any really specific and/or personal Zukka headcanons that you’d be okay with sharing? I eat up every hc you put into your drawings like they’re candy, I was wondering if you had any others :D :D

OH boii i sure have,,, nothing coherent is coming to mind atm so ill just expose my Extensive backstories of zukka bethrotal armbands that idk if i will find a way to sneak into art.

sokka’s armband for zuko is forged back at Piandao’s mansion, and it's one of the most fine stunning pieces of jewelry ever crafted. it’s not the usual southern ivory but metal, more similar to the armbands worn as an accessory in the fire nation. it’s made of intertwining bands of gold and black meteor metal, with patterns of waves and dragon scales that seem to ripple and move when the light catches on them just right. and the pendant is a traditional blue stone from the swt.

There are no particular engagement gifts traditions in the fn, so zuko goes on a deep dive into southern water tribe ones, asking sokka’s family and friends about jewelry making and learning to engrave over the course of several trips to the swt. He makes sokka’s armband with ivory from his own first (successful) solo hunt. i’m not sure abt the material of the pendant lmao maybe gold? but amber would also be cool methinks

as for the pendant engraving they display a unique single braincell moment (untrue i just want them to match). love the fact that both of them are sea savvy navigators, love to think that in their pining era they spent a lot of time watching the stars and showing each other the different constellations and navigation pointers of their nations, so in both of their armbands’ stones are depicted the constellation used to guide sailors back home, sokka engraving the swt’s one on zuko’s armband and vice versa.

if they were sun’s out guns out kinda guys before this only gets worse during the first weeks of their engagement. shirts are banned. everyone look at the bethrotal armbands NOW.

[pouringmyheartoutforpaper]

heyy i have a request for the steve x dove universe bcos it’s literally my favourite thing atm

could u possibly do something like where their at a party and someone tries something on reader and they’re really pushy about it even though she keeps saying no. obvs steve cannot have anyone touching or upsetting his sweetest girl so gets the guy to go away. while steve is dealing with the guy maybe reader starts having a panic attack because that guy had really scared her and robin tries to comfort her but obvs the only person capable of that is steve. when steve’s done w the guy he notices how distressed reader is and just comforts her, holds her and just FLUFF.

i got this idea because i noticed how protective of r steve is and i thought this would be a good example of it😍😍🩷🩷🩷🩷

sorry it took a few days ! also this is not proofread because it is three am so my apologies.

warning! this contains depictions of harassment and a panic attack. if this is not something you feel like you can read right now, please please click away. there is no shame in setting boundaries with yourself. there are lots of other stories. please be safe <3

the lights in the house were an array of purples and blues. robin’s friend threw a party, and robin insisted that dove and steve both come so she wouldnt be alone. dove dances as much as she can, but after about an hour she ends up crashing into steves chest. theyre leaned against the wall, and steves hands are covering her ears from the loud music.

“stevie, gonna go get some water. ill be right back.”

he expected her to stay in his line of vision, and by the time she disappeared around the corner into the kitchen, he was in panic mode. the party housed a few unsavory characters, and his dove’s shyness could lead to disaster.

in the kitchen dove had asked the hostess where the water resided, and she had kindly gotten her a glass of water, making sure to fill it in front of her so she knew it wasnt tampered with.

unfortunately, the hostess was called away, and a man around five to ten years older than dove entered the kitchen. she offered a small smile, and he took that as an invitation in his drunken state.

“hey pretty thing” he slurred.

she ignored him, and tried to exit the room, only for him to grab her hand.

“where y’ goin? you don’t want to hang out with me, baby? if you didn’t want the attention you shouldve picked a different dress.”

she ripped her hand away, and she knew the only way to get him to back off would be to mention steve. men like this respect women not as people, but as property.

“i have a boyfriend. hes looking for me.”

“not very hard, he left you here with me.”

in the distance she see steves head of hair frantically searching the house for the kitchen, and as the man kept babbling about nonsense and trying to grab her waist, she yelled his name.

his head shot to where he heard her voice, catching her eye instantly.

“help,” she mouthed.

dove had never seen a man move so quickly in her life. it seemed a second before steve stood tall between them. he held her behind him, and dove knew that he would have to be scary. she closed her eyes and gripped onto his arm.

after many words were spoken, mostly from steve, the other man merely slurred nonsense. he pushed the stranger into the shelves behind him before escorting dove out of the room.

“it’s okay, it’s okay, i’m here, i’ve got you, we’re gonna go home,” he whispered assuringly as he guided her out of the crowded room, trying to ignore the urge to go back and hurt the stranger, knowing it would scare her more. he was plagued with guilt and fear. guilt that he had let her out of his sight. the sobs come from his dove quickly. he helps her into the back seat of his car and locks the doors.

“hey, hey, look at me, youre okay, tell me what happened” he said, his voice shaking.

“nothing,” she says breathlessly, “nothing bad- just-“ her breathing becomes panicked, and the words arent forming. she had told him about her panic attacks before, but he had never seen her experience one. luckily he had done research.

“panic attack” she forced out between short breaths. the air couldnt reach her lungs, at least it felt like it couldnt. steve was panicking, trying to regulate her breathing. trying to soothe while also digging through his center console for an inhaler.

“hey, look at me, try to take a deep breath with me. i know, i know its hard, i just need you to try.” he said, taking her hand and placing it on his chest, breathing in a long breath and watching her struggle to do the same. but after three breaths she was calm enough that steve could help her with the inhaler.

once her breath returned to her, she buried her face into his chest, apologizing profusely.

“you dont need to be sorry. you did nothing wrong.” he repeated the phrase like a mantra while he rocked her back and forth.

she looked up at him. “i love you”

“i love you too. so much. you feel better?”

“yeah i- he was just being scary and he kept- grabbing me and he wouldn’t let me pass. i- it just- it freaked me out.”

“im so sorry honey. are you hurt? i shouldve went after you.” he whispered.

“no! you didnt do anything wrong. im not hurt, just got scared.”

“yeah? how about i take us home and we can order food, maybe watch a movie or something? and then we can talk about it tomorrow morning if you want to.”

“yes please”

[gloomiebearwritings]

I cant believe I'm requesting for him but you're dragging me down the Graves simping so... I'll give in just this once

Could you please write a fic where the reader is the youngest at 141 and the whole team sees them as a little brother BUT they find out they're fucking around with Graves (quite literally)

Also can it be with a gender neutral reader, so everyone can enjoy?

Thanks ♡˖꒰ᵕ༚ᵕ⑅꒱♡˖꒰ᵕ༚ᵕ⑅꒱

I'm SO sorry it took me a bit to get to this, my writing juices are a bit dried up atm (┬┬﹏┬┬)

It's not perfect, but I hope you enjoy it!! ♪(´▽｀) I narrowed it down to Soap and Ghost for continuity's sake, hope that's okay!

Soap had no problem voicing his annoyances when Graves got a little closer to you, often calling Graves out for whatever he called you.

But the closer Graves got to you, the more watchful both Ghost and Soap became- they didn’t trust how smoothly he slid into your comfort zone. He wasn’t stupid though, he knew the duo were suspicious of him- keeping your meetings private in the late hours of the night, or earliest hours of the morning when he knew everyone was asleep.

The sneaking around became more lax however, with him choosing to stay longer and longer in your bed after you two had finished fooling around. It was never out of being cocky either, but out of tenderness- pressing kisses to your stomach, wrists, chest when you two would lay there after the high. Sometimes he’d be barely getting out the door of your room when Ghost or Soap would be stirring, and only avoided being caught by excusing his messy hair on just getting up himself. 

That luck ran out the instant Soap trusted his gut and listened in on a conversation Graves was having with two Shadows, silently listening in from his spot on the other side of the door. 

“You make sure that whenever we’re all out there that y/n isn’t hurt. Got it?” 

“I know 141 are our brothers-”

“I ain’t on about that- I’m on about how that’s my babe out there, and I don’t want them gettin’ wasted because someone was slacking.”

With a sinking stomach he rushed off to find Ghost or you, whichever he ran into first. And it just happened to be you he bumped into first where he’d grabbed your arm, “We need to talk.” he said firmly as he took you off to an empty room. He shut the door behind the two of you before turning to give you the most concerned expression you’d seen out of him in a long time.

“The hell is Graves’ relationship with you?” he questioned, “Why’s he callin’ you babe?”

You knew you couldn’t lie, he could always see right through and tell- so you chose to be honest, and told him outright that you and Graves had been seeing each other privately for some time by that point. Still he remained more concerned than angry, begging you to tell him why you let him in like that, “What makes you think he can be trusted with that?”

Though it seemed no answer was the right one, he repeated himself a few times on how he doesn’t like how it’s not right; but the more you held your ground the more he quieted down until he ended up apologizing for his attitude and his brash actions the last few minutes. He felt guilty for making such a massive huff when you were rather stiff in your seat, clearly uncomfortable with the sudden “big brother” moment. 

“I’m sorry…” he muttered as he pressed his palms to his face.

Quietly, and as calmly as you can, you explain that Graves has no ill intentions, that he knew you’d turn his skin inside out if he tried anything. And remarking that if he has such a problem with it, why not discuss it with both you and Graves together- earning yourself an annoyed exhale from him.

“That’s not the fuckin’ point, y/n.” he said, gaining back some of the bite, “I want to make sure you’re gonna be fine, and that I won’t have to skin a man any time soon.”

Unbeknownst to the two of you Graves had been patiently waiting on the other side of the door for you, only piping up when the comment of skinning came up- “Ah, I don’t think I’m gonna be losin’ my skin any time soon, Mactavish.” he loudly called, “How about we talk about this together?”

It was only once the four of you were in a room alone did Graves finally look shifty, though it’s hard not to when two of the equivalent of your older brothers were standing there in front of you two, arms folded and all. Graves’ hand was firmly entwined with yours, lips hard pressed together as he listened to the two’s concerns over the situation.

“I wanna know why you decided to get in bed with ‘em thinkin’ we wouldn’t find out.” Ghost commented, staring holes into Graves.

“Well, if I’m bein’ honest we sure as hell didn’t expect it to become what it has.” Graves replied quite simply, “We thought it’d be a couple of flings, nothing more, nothing too serious- but my ass over here kept wantin’ more.” 

As much as your two “brothers” hated it, they knew he was being genuine with how his voice wavered in near embarrassment having to admit he’d become completely wrapped around your finger. Though Soap promised he’d not take his eyes off of you two any time he was near, even when you balked at it, “Aye. I’d sooner be bailed out of jail for skinning his ass if he hurts you in any way.” he warned before he turned to leave, quickly followed by Ghost who quietly waved off your irritated responses.

Once alone at last Graves turned to you, “...You uh, wouldn’t let him skin me right?” he asked, motioning to the red marks he’d left on you the night before on your neck, “I mean… they’re gonna see eventually.”

[yourlocalfriendlyhobbit]

Requested by @pacoholin​​

<< Part 1 | Part 3 (not posted yet) >>

A/N:

y’all making me shy with your compliments oml... *monkey covering eyes emoji* no but seriously i didn’t expect so much love on part 1, thank you all so much!

I’m also sorry it’s taking so long for me to write anything, i had a writer block, and I am chronicallly ill, so sometimes that keeps me from doing anything, and life is just sh*t all together...

This is also so freaking long... so I will make a part 3~ my brain is just not braining anymore atm...

The tourney happened weeks ago, and life was back to normal in Camelot. Things don't usually stays calm for long in this city with the magic ban, but somehow no sorcerer decided to take advantage of the tourney and agitation to commit any crimes... 

That didn’t mean Merlin had had any time to relax whatsoever; there’s never a calm moment with Arthur. Especially now that he has what he wanted to ‘blackmail’ Merlin all he wanted... During the whole week of the tourney, up until now, the moment you were present, Arthur would send teasing glances his way; elbow him lightly; or just straight up make a teasing comment that would make poor Merlin blush and leave you confused...

But truth be told, Arthur just wanted Merlin to snap and finally tell you how he feels, and he didn’t know how to help his friend other than pushing a little and hope for the better....

Of course, the knights learned about it too. And weren’t really any help, as they all had a different... approche when it came to romance...

Guinevere tried to help too. From giving him advices on what to do for you, what gifts he could give you, to just listening to him rant for hours about you... She wasn’t very close to you, but she knew, just by the look in Merlin’s eyes when he talked about you, that you were a caring person, and she just hoped you returned his feelings...

Merlin aknowledged their attempts at helping him, but he was too shy and nervous... He had magic... what if you were scared of him once he told you? what if you ratted him out then? He knew deep down that even if you were scared you wouldn’t do that, but there was still this little voice at the back of his head reminded him of it...

...

Merlin was doing his usual tasks, as Arthur was getting ready for bed. He noticed the young prince was very quiet this evening; which, considering we are talking about Arthur is really something abnormal. Merlin was considering breaking the silence but the prince did first:

“You are free tomorrow.”

Merlin turned to Arthur, quite shocked. He let out a nervous laugh.

“And who is the poor soul who would have to look after you then if I am not here?”

Arthur scoffed, and grabbed a pillow from his bed and threw it at Merlin, who easily dodged it.

“Now, that is none of your concern. Tomorrow, you will go to the kitchen and meet with Guinevere, she will hand you a basket, and you will go have a nice little picnic with (Y/n). And for the love of God, tell them how you feel!”

The poor boy looked at the Prince as if he had grown a second head. He fidgeted with the cloth he was holding.

“I... I have no idea what you mean by th-”

Before he could finish his sentence, Arthur grabbed another pillow from his bed and threw it with way more force than before. This time, it hit Merlin in the face.

“I want to help you, but I am getting quite frustrated with you. There is no denying how you feel about them because that is very obvious; from the lovesick look in your eyes to that dumb smile you have when they so much talk to you, you are just trying to find excuses.”

Arthur walked up to Merlin, and put his hand on his shoulder.

“Now, man up, and put everyone out of their misery... well, mostly you...”

With a finale pat on the shoulder, he turned around and went to lay down on his bed, while Merlin stayed where he was. He looked to the ground, not really looking at anything in particular, mulling over all that just happened. He then sighed and got back to work, before leaving to go to bed himself.

When he arrived in Gaius’ appartment, he didn’t say a word and went straight to his room.

...

The morning arrived faster than he wanted. Of course, spending the day with you was all i wanted for a long time now, but if he was to confess to you, he knew he needed to be sincere about who he really was. And that scared him so much. He could stand you not returning his feelings, but imagining you being scared of him was the worst that could happen.

He was pacing around the room, thinking of hundreds of ways to tell you everything he wanted, all the things that could go wrong, etc... Gaius was watching him from his chair, the parchement he was reading long forgotten. Obviously he knew what was making the boy so jumpy. Suddenly, Merlin took off without saying a word, barely closing the door behind him.

He ran throught the corridors, straight to the kitchens where Guinevere had probably been waiting for him for the past hour. He stumbled when he reached the door, out of breathe. Guinevere was sitting on a chair, sewing a piece of clothing. She looked up when she heard him.

“I’m so sorry I made you wait!”

She simply smiled and got up.

“It’s alright; I figured you would take some time to come.”

She went to the counter at the back of the kitchens and picked up a basket. She then walked to Merlin and gave it to him.

“(Y/n) is most likely near the training yard; there is no one there at this hour. Now hurry up.”

She smiled and pushed him lightly. Merlin laughed, a light blush dusting his cheeks. He took a few steps backwards, then started to walk at a fast pace towards the yard, a huge smile on his face. When he finally arrived at the training yard, he looked around to find you. As he walked across the field, he spotted you sitting in the shadows of one of the walls. He stopped where he was, in the middle of the yard, and stared at you. Completely entranced; as he usually was when he saw you: every background sounds vanished. You were just so perfect.

A loud crash coming from somewhere behind him managed to get him out of his trance. But it also caugh your attention. And as usual, when you looked at him, he suddenly became all awkward and shy. But unaware of the effect you had on Merlin, you waved at him with a bright smile.

With a tight lip awkward smile, he walked to you, clutching the handle of the basket like his life depended on it.  When Merlin finally reached you, you had stood up.

“Hi Merlin, how are you today?”

You could see how nervous he was, shifting from one foot to the other, looking at the ground.

“Oh um, I’m- I’m doing good- I- umm...”

Merlin paused.

“You- You are free this afternoon?”

You looked at him, a bit surprised. Knowing he is Arthur’s servant, he didn’t really have any kind of free time.

“Well, yes. Why you ask?”

Merlin took a deep, as if summoning all the courage he had in his body, and motionned to the baket he was holding tightly.

“I wanted to ask you if you would like to go picnic with me outside of Camelot’s walls?”

He was looking at you with the biggest puppy eyes you had ever seen, like he was begging you to say yes. If only he knew he didn’t need to do that for you to accept...

“Of course, I’d love that Merlin!”

You replied with a smile. Before he could say anything, you grabbed his free hand, and dragged him away from the castle. He nearly fell, but soon catched up with you.

Now, Merlin could only hope that you would return his feelings, but most importantly, that you would accept him, magic and all...

[somber-sapphic]

35, 🥀, 🌷 with Maya x carina x reader where reader is really sick out of nowhere?? I’m so addicted to your fics atm haha

Better Tomorrow

My first Station 19 story!!

{may include unintentional spoilers}

Okay, wow, I got a little carried away. I had so much fun writing this but I figured that I could only fit so much into one post. I have more, I actually have probably two more parts of similar length, but I won't post it unless you guys want. - You loved your girlfriends and you loved your job. Unfortunately as a nurse, you were also on the front line during flu season. Lucky that you're dating a doctor and a firefighter. (marina x reader)

Word Count: 3810

-----

Perhaps being an ER Nurse wasn’t everyone's cup of tea, but you absolutely loved it. One of the best parts of your amazing job was that you got to work at Grey Sloan Memorial alongside some of the best doctors in the country and your beautiful girlfriend Carina Deluca. 

And then there was Maya. Sweet, beautiful, uptight Maya. You loved the stubborn firefighter with everything you had and both you and Carina showered her with affection at every chance you got. The poor woman had so much unprocessed trauma, all the two of you wanted was to make her feel important, like someone cared. 

Even still, there were days where it wasn’t great. She’d lash out, forget to eat and spend the whole day working out. The three of you had had a rough week. Maya was angry about station politics, Carina had lost a mother and you were on the receiving end of just about every flu case that came into the hospital. On top of dealing with all of the sick people, you also had to meditate at home.

Some people had shown up with minor colds, demanding treatment that they didn’t need. You’d seen several parents ordering you to give their children antibiotics, refusing to listen to you when you explained the difference between bacteria and viruses and why antibiotics won't cure their children's illness. 

Now, it was Sunday and you were almost done with your 48 hour shift. You were supposed to have tomorrow off, but with everyone falling victim to this monster of a flu there was a good chance that you would be working for at least another twelve hours. 

You were exhausted beyond belief and it was getting harder and harder to ignore the growing pressure in your sinuses and the dull ache in your bones. You were probably getting sick, well no, you were definitely getting sick, it was just a matter of how long you could keep it from affecting your work. 

You sighed and took two Tylenol, swallowing them dry. A rumbling cough forced its way through your lips and you glanced at yourself in the mirror, studying your pale complexion. To be fair, you didn’t look great. What with the bags under your eyes and the slight reddish tinge on your cheeks and around your nostrils. 

You grabbed a mask and slipped it on, just to be safe. You figured that you could probably get away with working for at least two more hours before someone noticed that you were too sick or you became a legitimate risk to the patients. Plus, since you were one of the few nurses left who could even hold a pen there was a good chance that as long as you sanitized and wore a mask that you would be allowed to work until you dropped.

When you reentered the ED you found a line of people, all waiting with impatient expressions. You sighed internally and forced a smile, pulling on a pair of gloves as you walked to the first bed. A woman sat there with her arms crossed over her chest, showing absolutely no signs of illness. 

“Hello Ms. Hanford, what brings you in?” You rasped, clearing your throat quietly in a vain attempt to bring back your voice. She sneered at you and huffed quietly, rolling her eyes. 

“I need a pregnancy test.” She demanded, giving you a thorough glare. You paused for a second, wondering if your seemingly cotton stuffed ears had heard her correctly. She came to the ER. For a pregnancy test. A pregnancy test that she could’ve purchased for less than ten dollars at any drugstore. 

“Ms, we’re in the midst of a very severe flu season, it may be safer for you to purchase one from the grocery store.” You said tiredly, fully prepared to get snapped at. She had come for a pregnancy test and there was no way that she was leaving without one. 

“I. Want. A. Test. Now. Don’t make me get your supervisor.” Ms. Hanford threatened, searching for someone who may be your superior. The nurse, Kayla, who had been running the ER had been sent home earlier, leaving one attending or another to check in on you every so often. 

“Okay.” You sighed, too tired to put up much of a fight. You went and grabbed a urine sample cup and walked back to her bedside, smiling so wide that you were sure that it would be seen in your eyes. 

“If you would just take this over to the bathroom and provide me with a urine sample we can get that pregnancy test done.” Ms. Hanford scoffed loudly and shook her head, checking her watch as if to make you upset. You were already upset, but it wasn’t something that you could show. It was your job to be stoic and professional. 

“Are you serious? I could have gotten that kind of test at the store and I wouldn't be in here among all of you sick people! No see, I want a blood test.” She was repeating your words from earlier, turning them on you to make you feel less than. You took a careful breath which spurred a fit of coughing. You whirled away from the woman and muffled coughs into your shoulder, your chest aching with each wheezing breath. 

When you turned back, your eyes watery and nose running freely in your mask, the woman was wearing an absolutely disgusted expression. 

“Get me someone different. I need a different nurse. Get out, get someone new.” She ordered, pointing towards the nurses station. The empty nurses station. Because everyone was busy. Because everyone was dealing with someone sick. Or hurt. Or otherwise miserable.

“Ms., I can't. If there were anyone else I would, but right now we’re very short staffed. Would you like the test or not?” You asked shortly. It was your job to be professional, not to be kind. Technically you didn’t even have to be polite, you just had to treat her. 

“Get a doctor then! Look, there’s one! Dr! Dr., you need to take over here, this nurse is absolutely incompetent.” You looked over to see Amelia walking towards the two of you, a concerned expression on her face. 

“What seems to be the issue over here?” She asked, giving the woman a little nod. You knew that as long as Ms. Hanford was polite to Amelia that she would get what she wanted. Being rude to you was however a pretty big mistake. The female neurosurgeon happened to really like you and often treated you like a sister. 

“This nurse,” She spat, using the most demeaning tone as she shot daggers at you, “came into work sick and thinks that she is going to take my blood! Would you please take my blood?” Her voice changed from hate to sweet and sugary, with an over exaggerated smile.

“Ah, so rather than going to purchase a test at, I don’t know, the Walgreens right down the street maybe, you decided to come into a hospital, which sometimes has sick people, and yell at one of my nurses?” Ameila returned the smile, her eyes filled with pointed anger. You ducked your head into your shoulder and sneezed quietly, only serving to make your mask even messier. 

The brunette turned back and gave you a sad smile, gesturing you over to a bed. 

“Go sit. Ms. Hanford is going to wait until someone else is ready.” She ordered, squeezing your shoulder gently. Ms. Hanford was trying to yell at Amelia, but she wasnt hearing any of it. She was literally just ignoring the angry woman. 

“I’ve got some paperwork to wrap up before my shift is over.” You mumbled, turning to shuffle away. 

“I’ll call Carina!” She threatened after you, earning a little shrug in return. Your girlfriend was busy, she was always busy with one birth or another. People just kept having babies. You slunk into an office and plopped yourself down into a chair, pulling out a patient file. 

After about five minutes the words on the page began to blur together, the sentences becoming totally unrecognizable. As you continued to struggle through the file your writing got more and more sloppy and your eyelids began to slip closed. Your head started to fall and you finally put it down, resigning yourself to sleep. 

==

“Y/n. Wake up bubba.” A voice spoke, pulling you out of your fever dazed sleep. Someone, the owner of the voice, shook your shoulder and you forced your eyes open so that you could glare up at Amelia, who had woken you up. You opened her mouth to complain and sneezed wetly, only then realizing that you had neglected to take your mask off before falling asleep. 

Shepard winced and wrinkled her nose at the sound, pulling away from you. You coughed freely, figuring that since it was still on, it didn’t really matter. The neurosurgeon gave you a sympathetic smile and grabbed some hand sanitizer. 

“Come on germ bag, sit up. I’m going to give you a quick exam before Carina finishes with the mom upstairs.” You lifted your head, forcing yourself up into a sitting position. That much movement made your head swim and you found yourself falling too far to the side. Amelia grabbed your shoulders and steadied you, her lips turning into a little frown. 

“Take your mask off.” She instructed, motioning to her face with blue latex gloved hands. You shook your head, embarrassment flooding through you. There was no way that you were taking it off, you knew that it would be gross and she didn't need to see that. The brunette dropped her shoulders and sighed, giving you a look. 

“Either you take it off, or I will. I promise you, I’ve seen worse.” Now it was deciding whether or not it was more embarrassing for her to take it off for you or for you to do it yourself. 

“I don’t need you to do this. It’s allergies.” She snorted and broke into a laugh, raising an eyebrow at you. 

“Wow, that was bad even for you. Take it off.” You slumped, but refused to take the mask off. It was both keeping her from getting sick and keeping you hidden. It was almost like you could pretend to be fine as long as it was there. 

Amelia rolled her eyes and leaned forward, very gently unhooking the mask from your ears. She pulled it away and made a soft sound of concern, shaking her head slightly. She grabbed a tissue and handed it to you, allowing you to clean yourself up before she continued. 

“You okay?” She asked, noticing the tears glittering in your eyes. You nodded silently and opened your mouth, allowing her to shine a light down your throat. “Ouch.” The brunette murmured, removing her stethoscope so that she could check your lungs. 

You did your best to take the deep breaths that she requested but every one led to a coughing fit that left you gasping and wheezing. It was just your luck that Carina burst into the office while you were in the midst of a particularly harsh fit, bent over with Amelia rubbing your back. 

“Cara,” She whispered sadly, coming to kneel in front of the chair. She rubbed your knuckles as you fought to catch your breath, offering much needed comfort. You finally got a deep breath and the spots cleared from your eyes, leaving you dizzy and utterly exhausted. 

“I want to give her a nebulizer treatment before you take her home, her lungs sound like crap.” Amelia explained, directing her words toward your worried girlfriend. She nodded, squeezing your hand as a sign of affection.

“I don’t want it.” You muttered, trying your best to keep the waver out of your voice. You really didn’t want the treatment, you didn't want any medicine. Cough syrup might be nice, but the nebulizer was famous for making people jittery and all you wanted to do was sleep. 

“You don’t get a say. If you had told Maya or I that you were sick maybe we could have avoided this.” Carina hissed, giving you a deadly glare. You knew that she loved you but she was also angry with your lack of self preservation. 

“Please.” You sniffled, sounding admittedly pathetic. Her expression softened and she leaned over to kiss your forehead, resting her lips there a moment longer than necessary. 

“How high is her fever?” The Italian woman asked, making a worried noise when you dropped your head down onto her shoulder. If you were going to give into being sick you would be given attention. You really just wanted to be held. 

“103.5, I’ll throw an IV in with fluids and we’ll see what we can do to get it down.” Carina nodded your approval but you whined quietly, slightly afraid of the idea of getting an IV. You had absolutely no problems administering them, you were actually amazing at giving them but you didn’t love needles. 

“Alright. Come on bella, I’ll call Maya okay?” You shook your head as Amelia helped you stand, leaning heavily on her for support. 

“No Maya, she’s working.” You mumbled, stumbling forward as you tried to take a step. Your body completely gave out and you crumpled into Carina’s arms, your head bouncing off of her chest as she caught you. Both women cursed, Amelia slightly louder than your girlfriend. 

“Amelia, get a wheelchair. Y/n, can you hear me?” Her words were filled with desperation and anxiety as she helped you back into the chair, cupping your cheeks in her incredibly soft, sturdy hands. 

“Mhm.” You weren’t unconscious, just weak and wondering how you had gone downhill so quickly. At least she was there, she was warm and made you feel fuzzy inside. You loved her so much. She carded her fingers through your hair and smiled warmly, her eyes full of remorse. 

You ducked away and coughed hard into your lap, finally managing to get some of the crap out of your lungs. Unfortunately it was now in your mouth which felt absolutely disgusting. Carina pressed a tissue against your lips and allowed you to spit it out, caressing your arm as you placed your head back on her shoulder. 

“Alright kid, hop in, you’ve got a ride.” Amelia announced, using that stupid nickname. You weren’t even sure why she called you that, it didn’t make a whole lot of sense, but since she discovered that you didn’t like it it had become one of her favorite things to call you. 

“Ready?” Carina asked softly, raising an eyebrow at you. You didn't answer, just shrugged and allowed her to help you into the chair. You leaned back as the neurosurgeon wheeled you out of the office and over to an open bed which you crawled into gratefully. It felt nice to lay down even if it was in an uncomfortable hospital bed with only a curtain separating you from other patients. 

“Okay Y/n, let's get you set up.” Amelia said, lifting up an oxygen mask that you knew would soon pump medicated air. Carian took it away from her and slid it over your face, carefully adjusting the strap behind your head. She didn't want anyone else to treat you, her protective urge flaring up. 

The other doctor didn't protest, knowing that she was probably frightened for you. The last time Meredith had gotten sick she had gone definitely overboard. She stuffed her sister with every medicine that she could think of and had quite literally forbade the woman from getting out of bed. Doctors would go to unnecessary extremes when it came to taking care of the people they loved. 

“Quick poke.” Before you could protest Amelia had slipped an IV into your hand. You glared at her and scooched closer to Carina, wishing that the mask wasn’t in the way. She wrapped an arm around your waist and hugged you to her chest, speaking to you in quiet Italian. You couldn’t understand the words but it didn’t matter. Her voice was soothing and the medications being pumped into your body were making you feel a little bit better. 

“Y/n!” You jolted out of your comfortable daze and looked up to see Maya walking over, her hair frizzy and piercing eyes full of worry. Carina shushed her as she rushed over, immediately grabbing your face so she could touch your forehead and the back of your neck. 

When she pulled away she was wearing the same look of disappointment that your other girlfriend had earlier, her eyebrows knit together and lips turned into a frown. 

“Damnit, every time. Do you need to do this every time?” As much as you hated to admit it, the blonde had a point. You tended to do this, work yourself to the brink of exhaustion and then require some sort of intervention whether it be from them or the obvious current situation. 

Tears filled your eyes and you looked away, not wanting her to see how guilty you felt. You had pulled both of your girlfriends away from work saving lives to sit by your side as you dealt with a stupid virus. 

Maya let out a slow breath as she realized how her words had come out and nudged your arm, pushing you just enough that she could sit on the bed. 

“Let's get this off.” She said softly, easing the mask off of your face. The round of aerosolized steroids was done and your chest didn’t hurt quite as much. The blonde glanced over at Carina, a puzzled expression on her face. 

“How bad is she?” Maya asked, clearly not trusting your judgment on the situation. The doctor shrugged, moving her hand in a so-so way. 

“She is bad. Hopefully the nebulizer will take care of her lungs for a while but it may not last. I will write her a prescription for an albuterol inhaler. Once the IV bag finishes we can bring her home.” Carina explained, seeming to know more about your medical information than you did. At least they weren’t taking any blood. 

“So about a half hour?” Maya looked down at her Apple watch, stroking your hair absently with one hand. 

“Si.” You looked back over at Carina who smiled and kissed your hairline. Tears filled your eyes and you sniffled pathetically, not really wanting to talk. Your throat hurt badly, so much that every breath grated against the raw flesh. 

“Scoot over for me.” Maya instructed, nudging you with her elbow. You didn't exactly understand what was happening or why she wanted you to move. All you wanted was to cry. The medicine had made it easier to breathe but your entire body still ached. 

“Oh Y/n, come here.” She lay down in the bed beside you, fitting herself nicely on the cot beside you. You tucked your head under her chin, trembling as you tried not to sob. It was humiliating, you were a nurse who was crying because of the flu. Carina tried to lay on your other side, but there wasn’t much room left. 

You whimpered into Maya’s shirt, shaking hard as the tears finally began to spill down your cheeks. The blonde carded her fingers through your hair, shushing you as you cried. Carina went back to speaking to you in Italian, both exchanging glances over your weak frame. 

You weren't sure how long it was when you felt the tell tale prickle reappearing in your sinuses. You tried to pull back from Maya, not wanting to sneeze on her, but the woman reacted a moment too late. Maybe she had thought that you were just shifting or she was just tired from what was probably a long shift and she was laying with you. 

You attempted to curl up as best as you could, intending to stifle the sneeze against your own chest, hoping that it wouldn’t be very wet. You sneezed quietly, but another, much louder one followed, sounding worse than the first one. Both of you froze for a second and Carina cooed softly, not seeming to entirely realize your distress. 

You pulled back and pressed your hands over your nose, sitting up quickly, fully expecting her to berate you for sneezing on her. She didn’t even glance at the wet spot on her shirt, just grabbed a tissue and tried to hand it to you. 

“I’m sorry!” You gasped, your words blurred by congestion. You sniffled hard, trying to fix the issue without accepting her help. 

“Oh baby, no, don’t apologize. You’re sick, in fact I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this sick. You get a pass.” Carina nodded her agreement and tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. 

“Blow your nose bella, no more sniffling. Your IV is finished, once you blow your nose I will text Ameila and then we can go home. Does that not sound good?” The brunette coaxed, her voice full of love. You had made up your mind to take the tissue when you sneezed again, into your hands, and then sneezed twice more. Ugh. Damnit.

Maya wrinkled her nose in an apologetic manner, the lines on her forehead becoming more prominent. Carina rubbed your back and kissed your shoulder, both of them offering incredible loving sympathy. 

You took the fucking tissue from the blondes clutches and quickly lifted it to your face, blowing your nose quietly as you did. She handed you another one to clean your hands and then Carina gave you some hand sanitizer. 

“I wanna go home.” You rasped, finally speaking again. Both women smiled and each gave you a kiss on your head. Maya got up and held one of your hands, reaching for the other as you swung your legs over the bed and let your feet touch the floor. 

Carina grabbed your waist as you stood, holding you there until you were sure that you would pass out. Sure you were dizzy, but with some help you were sure that you could get out to the car. 

“All set?” Maya asked, shifting so that she had taken your Italian girlfriend's place with her arm around your waist, supporting you from the side. You nodded while Carina grabbed her bag, slinging it over her shoulder before draping your coat over your shoulders. 

“Come along Y/n/n. Let's get you into bed.” The brunette said softly, walking slightly in front of you. She had your bag too and you couldn’t help but wonder when she’d grabbed it. 

With the help of your girlfriends you shuffled out to the car, hoping that you would feel better tomorrow. Afterall, you were one of the last nurses standing. 

[apompkwrites]

May I request a sleepover for lil scheonheit and Vil, they do each other’s hair and paint each other’s nails? 🥺

((I’m very sick atm and I need some fluff 😭😭))

i hope you feel better :(((

ill have this set where lil schoenheit and vil are on good terms to give you the most amount of fluff i can :))

"--and i was so excited to get off set," you huffed, leaning back into your brother. he let out a quiet huff before pushing you forward, his hands still clasped around your hair.

"i'm sure you handled it well, right?" he hummed in response to your rant, earning a similar hum from you.

"of course i did," you grumbled, crossing your arms. "i didn't want to give them the satisfaction of seeing me upset."

vil seemed to smile behind you, be it because he was satisfied with his work or your answer was beyond you, before patting your shoulder. you glanced up at him, hopping to your feet when he waved you over to the bed.

it had been a long while since the two of you had done a sleepover. the combination of your packed schedule and his often got in the way of the nights when it felt like you were back home.

when the two of your sat on the plush blankets of his bed, vil quickly laid out a towel in between you. a few nail polishes were placed on top of it, sparkling purples and reds visible from the glass containers.

"don't keep stressing about it," he advised, holding out his hand for you. you quickly grabbed onto it, reaching over to twist off the brush for the purple polish. "for now, be satisfied that everything is over. any more worry and you won't get any sleep."

"i know, i know."

vil, to most people, was strict and demanding, especially in terms of beauty. it is expected that he would double that demand for someone of his bloodline.

and yet, in the comforts of his dorm, he knew the truth.

he loved his little sibling, a living legacy in his family that strived to make him and his father proud. and they succeeded in that time and time again.

if there was one person he wouldn't mind losing the title of "fairest of them all" to, it would be you.

"sweet dreams, (name)."

[sorryeveryonemppw]

i was watching this tiktok that was talking about how the marauders fandom is mysoginystic and how the girls don’t get the attention they deserve and often take more background roles in fics and are used as a support to the boys story (which is unfortunately very true) BUT, i was thinking and i believe the reason that happens is not actually ill intended

PLEASE LET ME EXPLAIN MY POINT THROUGH THIS MEDIOCRE THESIS (cause my thoughts about this are too loud in my head) 🥸🧐

i’ve been in the fandom for over four years and being honest, i’ve always pivoted more to the boys and i think that’s because i’m kind of gender frustrated/confused, and when im reading about them i get this feeling like im finally able to live the boyhood i always craved but never had (ik obviously it’s very possible to have this kind of feeling irl, just not a possibility for me atm).

After all my time being a marauders fan i genuinely think that many people in the fandom feel or go thorough a similar situation, which would kind of explain the huge contrast of attention that the girls and the boys have.

Im really scared of posting this and somehow sounding like a woman hater because I REALLY RESPECT AND LOVE OUR GIRLS WITH ALL OF MY HEART, and obviously they deserve more, it’s just that at the end of a shitty day, I wanna be one of the boys yk 😭

disclaimer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

by sharing, this im in no way defending throwing woman under a bus so m|m ships can happen, that’s cringe, stupid and fucked up

AND PLEASE STOP GIVING THEM ROLES OF JUST A SURROGATE IN FICS 😭😭😭😭

[racinggirl]

safe haven || charles leclerc 16

type: one shot pairing: charles leclerc x reader word count: 1.5k summary: charles taking care of you whilst you're sick at home requested: yes! “Hi :) First of all, I loove your writing! It's immaculate! Saw you're taking requests and I was wondering if you could do one, where reader is sick (the flu or smth?) and Charles (or anyone you want) takes care of them? Like really fluffy? Thank you so much and have a wonderful week :))” (by anon) Yeeees girl, who doesn't want fluff Charles boyfriend??? Requests are OPEN!!! warnings: mentions of being sick, mentions of !covid!, tons and tons of fluff, not proofread! notes: I'm sooooo sorry it took so long! I just had such a big writersblock and I didn't had the motivation to write anything atm. I will try to write more, I promise! Also, I hope you'll love it! I just wrote it in about an hour or so. I lowkey like it, but if you have tips or just things you really like about my writing and want to see more of, just lmk and hmu!

My masterlist

‘’I hate being sick.’’

‘’I know baby, I know, but I’m here okay? I’ll take care of you.’’

Those were the words you needed more than anything at this exact moment, in which you were on the couch in your boyfriends apartment in Monaco, your back leaning against his strong chest, his arms wrapped around you protectively. You felt safe, more than anywhere else in the world, because he was your home, your safe haven.

It all started a few days ago, you weren’t feeling too good after the Hungarian Grand Prix, but you tried to brush it off. Just a cold, at least, that’s what you thought. You made sure to do a COVID-19 test just in case, even though corona wasn’t really a subject people talked about anymore, at least, the illness, not the drink, people loved the drink.

Negative, thankfully, so you weren’t too worried about the fact you might have to go in quarantine. Just a cold, right?

No, things got worse, from a running nose to coughing, as well as stomach pains and headaches. You had the flu, and it was horrible. You never got sick, not even a cold would get you, usually. But right now, you could curse the whole world and space, because you absolutely hated it.

You tried to keep your cool, not wanting your boyfriend to worry about you, he had enough on his mind with the final adjustments before summer break. But he wasn’t one to fool, he knew something was going on.

‘’Baby, are you okay?’’ Charles had noticed you were a little less active when you came back home. Normally you’d drag him out for a walk around the harbour, watching the sunset in the evening, or the sunrise in the early hours. But this time, you’d just head straight to the couch, curling up under the blanket.

‘’Did I put the air-conditioning too high?’’ He frowned the moment you reached for the black fluffy blanket underneath your tv.

‘’No, no, it’s fine.’’ You mumbled, a sneeze and a cough giving away your current state.

‘’Are you sick?’’

‘’…’’

‘’Baby?’’

‘’Yes, I think I am.’’ You mumbled, curling up more underneath the blankets.

Charles smiled weakly, making his way towards the couch as he took a seat next to you, his arms carefully wrapping around your shivering body.

‘’No, I don’t want you to get sick too.’’ You whispered, moving in your boyfriends arms, but you too knew, he was stronger than you, so after just a few seconds of trying to get out of his grip, you gave up, your head resting against his chest as you closed your eyes.

‘’Then we’ll be sick together.’’ He said, placing a kiss on the top of your head.

‘’Charles, I’m serious.’’ You mumbled, removing your head from his chest to look up into his eyes, a sigh escaping your lips.

He simply shrugged his shoulders and pulled you closer, just to give you a peck on your lips. He didn’t care. He wanted to take care of you, because he loved you.

It stayed like that for a few days, you had zero energy, sleeping for almost the entire day, while Charles took care of you, handing you your tea, as well as providing you with the best movies (he picked them).

‘’Babe, you need to go to work.’’ You were on the same position again, under the same blankets – who had been washed twice already by your boyfriend who insisted on washing the blankets everyday to give you a ‘fresh one’ each day – while Charles was making your lemon tea in the kitchen.

‘’They don’t mind if I’m a bit later, it’s summer break anyways.’’ He told you, cutting up the apple slices just the way you liked it.

‘’They do, baby, they want to celebrate their summer break too. I’m fine okay? I’m feeling a little better already.’’ You said, looking at the Monégasque as he walked to the couch, eyes focussed on the tea so it wouldn’t spill, he had filled it to the top.

‘’A little, which doesn’t mean a lot, so I’m now turning on the tv for you and putting on another Harry Potter movie, okay? And I’ll get your sweater in case you get cold and-‘’

‘’Charles!’’ You laughed, a small smile on your lips as you watch your boyfriend ramble on about the things he was going to do for you.

‘’I can do things myself too, you know?’’ You smiled sweetly, his face confused and searching for the right words.

‘’But…’’

‘’No, no buts, you get your ass to work, I’ll be fine, okay?’’ You shot him a reassuring smile, one he knew was sincere.

After a few seconds, he decided to agree, after trying to search for excuses, which you only rejected. He left for work, but told you he’d be home as soon as possible so you two could order food from your favourite restaurant.

He was an angel, he really was. Every morning he would prepare your tea, cut up your fruits because he knew you didn’t like to eat bread in the morning. Everyday he would give you a little more food, knowing you slowly started to gain your appetite again. Every afternoon he would prepare a lunch, as well as a movie the two of you would watch together. He gave you kisses, which you tried to avoid because you did not want him to get sick too. Every evening he would either order or prepare dinner, and prepare a bath for the two of you to enjoy after chilling on the couch the entire day. After that, he would make the bed, turn on the candles in the bedroom, and give you a massage. He was the perfect boyfriend, and you loved him more every second of every day.

As soon as he came home that evening, he did exactly what he said he would. He ordered dinner, cuddled you on the couch, watching the movie you were currently watching, and waited for dinner to arrive.

After dinner he ran upstairs to prepare the bath, spreading rose pedals he bought the other day all over the floor and bath, filling it up with your favourite scented bath gel and candles for the romantic vibe.

‘’You know.’’ You whispered, leaning against his chest, the warmth of the water around you giving you tingles all over your body.

‘’Hmm?’’ Charles hummed, his chin resting on the top of your head, his arms wrapped around your body to pull you close to him, his breath moving some baby hairs on the top of your head.

‘’I think I should be sick more often.’’ You whispered, eyes closing as you felt his chest move, a low chuckle leaving his lips. He smiled, his hands drawing small circles on your stomach, the circles slowly turning into little hearts.

‘’I think you shouldn’t, because you keep avoiding my kisses.’’ He whispered, his breath hitting your temple since you had turned your head to the side, making you able to hear his heartbeat. His heartbeat, which was slow, relaxed, because he had you in his arms.

‘’I’m only doing that because I don’t want you to get sick, but you aren’t really helping.’’ You giggled, your hand moving to his upper leg, nails scratching his skin in the warm water.

‘’I won’t get sick.’’ He smiled, pressing a kiss to your temple. ‘’My immune system is the best.’’ He smirked, in which you rolled your eyes with a smile as a response.

Once you got out of the bath, he made sure to wrap a towel around your body, doing the same for himself afterwards. He smiled at you, that smile that made you feel at home, safe, here with him.

He was about to lean in to press his lips to yours, when he turned away from you, making you frown. But the reason made you laugh, a smirk on your lips. He coughed, a sneeze following afterwards.

‘’That was just a coincidence.’’ He mumbled, but soon after coughed again, making you raise your eyebrow, the smirk still plastered on your face.

‘’You won’t get sick, huh?’’ You smirked, arms crossed in front of your chest as you let out a laugh, watching your boyfriend cough another time.

He looked at you, his towel moving over his face, a groan escaping his lips. He removed the towel, looking at you as he stepped closer, pulling you in his arms.

‘’At least this means I get to kiss you now, because you’ve already infected me.’’ And with that, he pressed his lips to yours, kissing you softly while the candles slowly dimmed. They lasted for at least four evenings.

[fr0gc4t]

a ramble/confession, and some non-dualism tips

if u seem to already consciously know that ur god AND also think in limiting beliefs, ur not alone. i do it too. it’s way more common than u think.

sometimes we understand a concept and think it’s true, but our egos don’t think in the way that would actually comply with that concept, and that stops us from fully shifting into belief and freeing ourselves from ego. “belief” and “knowing” aren’t always the same thing.

prime example: YOU knowing that ur “desires” r already urs, and then ur ego switching the process completely and being like “so where is it?”. we all know that happens to a lot of ppl in the loa/non-dualism community. the ego is tricky bc its nature is to try and intimidate us. then we slip back into ego-based thinking. happened to me, and is still happening atm. and also i wanna remind ppl that, like healing, awakening to ur true self is often not linear. and that’s totally ok as long as u don’t give up. i was pretty much almost fully realized but then i let my ego get to me again and since then i’ve been trying to get back into that state but just haven’t succeeded at changing my thoughts/improving my self-concept (adhd is making it very difficult).

look. ik it’s kinda weird to have someone post a ramble abt FALTERING at living non-dualism. most of the time, we talk abt the opposite to remind ourselves if our power. but i think it’s important to be open and vulnerable when ur struggling, especially when other ppl could learn from ur struggle.

like i said. not getting i right the first time is OK AND NORMAL. ik ppl say “changing ur self-concept is effortless” but LET’S BE REAL FOR A SEC: that’s not true for everyone, especially neurodivergent/mentally ill ppl, and ppl with intrusive thoughts (i’m all of those, btw), bc our egos r EXTRA spicy.

awakening to ur true self as the god of ur reality is healing, and healing is HARD. in this case, since whatever we are aware of is true, it doesn’t rly have to be, but when u have inner demons, MY GOODNESS IS THIS SHIT DIFFICULT (but still sooo worth it, i promise u).

so good for u if it’s not difficult. really, i’m happy for u. i just also want to bring to light my situation, which is: hearing ppl say “changing ur self-concept is effortless!!” just made it harder to change mine.

I AM NOT TRYING TO SAY ANYONE IS SAYING THESE THINGS MALICIOUSLY. I’M LITERALLY SO HAPPY AND PROUD OF U OMG. i just think that the non-dualism community should be a little more vulnerable, bc FAILING IS NORMAL WHEN TRYING TO CHANGE UR MINDSET, ESPECIALLY FOR PPL LEARNING HOW TO MANAGE NEURODIVERGENCE, MENTALL ILLNESS, TRAUMA, INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS, DEPRESSION, ANXIETY ETC.

AND THAT IS TOTALLY OKAY!!!

i see ppl say things like “i don’t want any limiting beliefs near this page!!!” when limiting beliefs and learning to overcome them r a normal part of this process and should not be shunned, and should rather be met with compassion and understanding. AND SOME PPL DO MEET IT WITH THAT!!! but there r also many who don’t. i understand not wanting to hear ppl’s limiting beliefs in some situations, but not being open to hearing them at all just creates more stigma around being vulnerable abt faltering in this journey and needing some further encouragement or advice. positivity is only good until it becomes toxic positivity. (AGAIN, NOT POINTING FINGERS AT ANY ONE PERSON. I’M TALKING ABT ALL OF US, INCLUDING ME)

my adhd makes it so hard to stick to a new habit long enough to get used to it. and as a result, i have faltered a bit. okay, maybe a little more than a bit. AND THAT IS OKAY. THAT IS NORMAL. THAT IS SOMETHING WE NEED TO TALK ABT MORE.

maybe these stuggles r an “illusion,” but that doesn’t mean we should pretend like we don’t have them. we don’t always have to put on a happy face and go onto tumblr and vaunt to try and fight the intrusive thoughts. if u know anything abt the psychology of intrusive thoughts, FIGHTING THEM DOES NO GOOD. we should accept them and let them be there, knowing that THEY CAN’T HURT US.

even then, they might stress us out. and that’s when we might need to vent. and venting is NOT a bad thing. sometimes it’s the only way i can cool off. but instead of venting into ppl’s inboxes, we should make our own posts, like this one, in constructive language (i suggest writing the angry/anxious stuff first in ur notes, then, when ur calm, rewriting it in a constructive sense and posting it on tumblr). we need more openness to sharing our struggles. mental health struggles r sooo real (even if our human minds r illusions), and we need to make the non-dualism/loa community a safe place to talk abt those struggles and see if anyone can relate, or maybe used to relate and has adivice.

being gentle and open to this conversation is just as important as affirming that we have what we desire. bc, well, if u have the struggle i have, or something similar, u know how difficult it is. hell, i even thought abt going back to loa and trying to get into the void instead of keeping on my non-dualism path bc i thought it would be easier(???) and now i realize that that doesn’t even make sense bc both of these things require improving ur self-concept, which is what i was trying to avoid.

THAT IS LITERALLY AN EXAMPLE OF THE THING I EXPLAINED AT THE BEGINNING OF THIS POST (which was supposed to be the main topic… i rambled a lot. oops.). i knew that i had to change my self-concept no matter what, yet i thought that getting into the void wouldn’t require that. sometimes the thoughts just don’t add up. and it’s bc of the ego! i actually only became aware of that now actually.

THE EGO JUST WANTS TO CONFUSE U AND TAKE CONTROL OF U. i’m just still letting mine have power over me… but now that i’m aware of it, i can try again, this time with a different perspective.

faltering is normal. not being able to change ur thoughts the first time is normal. having this kind of weird cognitive dissonance is NORMAL. THE IMPORTANT THING IS TO NOT GIVE UP, AND SUPPORT EACH OTHER.

you failed to change ur mindset and ended up spiraling? needing a break from trying to change it? i don’t blame u, this stuff is hard. it’s okay tho! what u need to do now (or when ur ready) is: FORGIVE URSELF AND TRY AGAIN. and don’t be afraid to start the conversation of “can anyone relate to this?” or whatever helps u.

we can do this. we can change our thoughts, even with any obstacles we may face, bc we are stronger than our egos. WE’RE GOD, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!! we can do ANYTHING.

the first step is knowing that faltering is okay. next is realizing that our knowledge of who we are doesn’t always match our thoughts, and that that is the nature of our brains. the next step is forgiving ourselves and moving on.

hopefully this rant wasn’t too jumbled or confusing, i kinda just wrote it here without any planning lolz. i need to figure out a format.

and i hope some of u could relate to my struggle. be as open as u want in the replies. i will not judge. if u need to make ur own little rant, it’s fine by me.

also, sorry for being gone for a while. i don’t use tumblr very much anymore. i’m slowly falling away from all apps except pinterest, amazon and depop 😅 but dw, i won’t let myself fall too far. i luv tumblr and the non-dualism and loa community has changed my life and opened my mind in so many ways. even if i haven’t succeeded at getting all my desires quite yet, it’s okay. i will succeed. maybe not right away, but i will. and so will u. (*ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ*.ﾟ

[heavens-sin]

By liking this post you are agreeing to the following:

I get full rights to bother you about our characters.

this is including, but not exclusive to: Moodboards, tagging you in things i think our characters would do, musings, random starters, playlists, etc.

My undying love and affection

A special spot on my carrd just for you ♡

me sending lots of stuff in your inboxes from meme/ask posts.

This is also the call for shipping. if this is something you are interested in. if you’ve not reached out already (Though if you want to further discuss things, my IMs are open! considering.. the fucker I'm portraying - pairings are gonna be heavily selective. and discussed thoroughly with muns. ) 

if youre already on my list you dont have to worry! this is just for new followers :> though please still like this so i can make sure youre still interested since ive been absent for a while. if not let me know! ill still bully you [affectionate]

Shipping with me can include, but is not limited to:

All them tropes.

Platonic love, antagonistic shit, etc.

this will also include the not so pleasant troped ones. of course this should be approached with extra caution. its not meant for everyone. and will be tagged and hidden under cuts.

thats including nsfw topics. all will be hidden under cuts.

Exclusive shipping rights which includes your own tags and ship verse. (I am still a multi-ship, but the exclusive ship partner does mean i will only ship with your version of a character)

Expanding ships we currently have.

Anything in between you’d like to scream about me with.

Fair warning: Shipping with me does include me becoming absolutely insufferable eventually about our characters. Also I'll only be accepting people as mains that I either already write with, OR we don't write atm but we are actively talking through IMs to plot or organise a thread or whatever.

(although i’m very willing to pop into your IMs anyway to discuss things if we havent written/talked but you are interested in being mains/exclusives).