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#im like ✨nothing✨ in life ✨matters ✨
hartwign · 6 months
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it's already April 10 in my timezone, so happy birthday to me.
my birthday always was kinda sad day for me and I was pretty low all week, but...
I NEVER thought that I would be alive at this age. I'm suicidal as fuck. but heeeey here I am.
still clinical depressed. still there. still drawing. like. wow. wow. it's really happening. i've been through so much shit. hooow how I did it I don't understand it's fucking magic. I have friends. I'm married. I have two fluffy cat daughters. it's really happening 😭
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widevibratobitch · 8 months
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#look away everyone this is gonna be embarrassing#nothing new really same old shit that's been going on every day for almost 20 years with me but uhh#at this point i dont even wish i were fucking skinny (<-lying). id give anything to just go back to my lowest ed weight#which was by no means skinny. not even thin. but it was thinnER than now.#anyway. nothing makes you hate your own body quite like trying to buy clothes lol#being a huge hypocrite rn cause yes yes fuck fast fashion we know#but being able to go shopping for clothes with your friends to a mainstream brand shop and only feeling *a little* inferior in all aspects#but not ENTIRELY worthless as a woman and a human being in general. my god. it only happened once in my entire life#and i had so much fun that day. and i felt so good and happy and even a little attractive. we love internalised mysogyny <333#but i miss experiencing the first stirrings of this stupid ass shy little hope that i could actually be considered hot and pretty#for the first time in my fucking life. like hot and pretty RIGHT NOW. not in some undefined future of ✨...if you lost some weight✨#idk it just feels like it was all for nothing. i ruined every part of my life i fucked up my teeth and my skin and my hair and my metabolism#and my relationship with food. forever lol and it was for nothing because at the end of the day im basically back to the weight i started w/#its a goddamn joke. like yeah maybe im not losing fistfuls of hair on a daily basis anymore but id honestly rather just go fully bald#if i was allowed to keep the weight off#god i only hope i die in a way that will completely obliterate my body. it is kind of a comfort#no matter what - at least ill always have the train tracks i used to play on as a kid <33 one of my most beloved places in the world fr
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lucretiaadventurezone · 10 months
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TAZ Balance Dashboard Simulator
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💪 bagnus-murnsides
↻ lactosewarrior5000 Follow
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💪 bagnus-murnsides
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happy rise and grind reclaimers wednesday monday
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✨ you-know-from-tv Follow
its literally friday ?
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🔥 lup-da-lup Follow
HAPPY RISE AND GRIND RECLAIMERS WEDNESDAY MONDAY FRIDAY
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👖 lactosewarrior5000 Follow
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#the additions are KILLING ME #laugh rule #tumblr days of the week #scheduled
(2,358 notes)
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📔 sheesh-creesh
[REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED]
#bureau business #inoculated #txt
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🔎 ango-mcdango
↻ you-know-from-tv Follow
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🌱 merlehighchurch1
give me that username lup. stop impersonating me
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🌱 merlehighchurch Follow
no
(893 notes)
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🍵 potion-master-69
CALLOUT FOR GARFIELD THE DEALS WARLOCK
so im not trying to start anything, but it has to be said. garfield has been collecting blood from various people and using it for nefarious purposes, as well as just kind of being a dick.
receipts under the readmore vv
Keep Reading
#callout #gore tw #lilian don’t look
(41 notes)
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🔎 ango-mcdango
↻ lesbian-orc-lover Follow
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👁️ hungry-hungry-hunger-deactivated20170817 Follow
Life is meaningless and nothing matters. Everything sucks and we should all just give in. Submit to the Hunger.
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🌱 merlehighchurch1
this is exactly what ligma was saying a few years ago
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👁️ hungry-hungry-hunger-deactivated20170817 Follow
What is Ligma? Some minor god you think will save you when your plane is consumed?
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🌱 merlehighchurch1
LIGMA BALLS OHHHHHHHH
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✨ you-know-from-tv Follow
ohmygod you killed him
(53,007 notes)
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🍑 juicy-wizard-official
↻ 7-bird-watcher Follow
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🚀 cap-n-port Follow
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A picture of the moon I took with my new camera! If you look really closely, you can see the B.O.B. on the left side.
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🌱 merlehighchurch1
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🚀 cap-n-port Follow
You can't do that here
(68,913 notes)
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🌱 merlehighchurch1
↻ merlehighchurch Follow
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🌱 merlehighchurch Follow
hey guys! it's me, merle hightower highchurch. just wanted to come on here and say that i'm a total loser and lup is the coolest bitch alive
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🌱 merlehighchurch1
STOP
#this is elder abuse
(1,002 notes)
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💀 reaper-kravitz-official
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#my coworkers are driving me CRAZY rn #what do you mean it was 'just a little bit' of necromancy #WE ARE LITERALLY REAPERS LIKE HELLO #and now rq will be pissed at me. great #vent #do not rb
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🕸️ krav-dementia-raven-way
i fucked up i fucked up i fucked up i fu
#ohhhhh my god accidentally posted on the wrong blog #i didn't realize until BOTH of my coworkers had seen it fuck me #i am dating one of their brothers as well so #dreading our next work meeting and my date plans tonight
(1 note)
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🌈 lucretiaadventurezone
i need to pick up taako by the scruff of his neck and shake him around
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astrobydalia · 9 months
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🪐 Astro Observations!!!✨
Happy 2024 babes! Here’s to another year sharing astrology stuff with all of you 🤩
work by astrobydalia
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Yes water moons have great intuition and could be psychic but I very often notice they tend to allow their personal feelings interfere with their decisions and could tend to not follow their intuition as much. The ones that have a more reliable or unbiased intuition imo are Earth moons and Aquarius moon.
Scorpio Venus really do gravitate to unhealthy relationships… All their connections tend to have unfair or imbalanced dynamics to them where there’s no equal give and take. They believe love means throwing yourself and your life away for another person (or they expect someone to give everything away for them) with little to nothing in return. They may not understand the difference between deep intimacy and unhealthy attachment
Libra placements and their ability to appear likable even when they have the shittiest personality deep down
In my opinion Moon is the most important planet if you really wanna begin to know someone at their core. Ultimately no planet can give you full info without the context of the whole chart tho (#AllPlanetsMatter), but you can really uncarcarve sm about someone just by moon placement/aspects/degree, etc. Moon rules your needs and so it really cements your personality and its an energy that you'll project in so many areas of your life (relationships, career, etc)
Fixed Mars are ARGUMENTATIVE fr fr. They need to have the last word and will die on that hill if they have to💀Honorable mention: Virgo/Gemini Mars due to Mercury influence but they’re more about friendly banter and aren’t as stubborn
80% of Aries Moons I've met were very philosophical/spiritual/religious. They can develop a self-awareness that gives them a lot of wisdom. The other 20% were just adult toddlers and very egotistic...
Capricorn placements and their internalized elitism. They really do believe some people are better than others which is the shadow of Capricorn unfortunately
Aquarius Moons are some of the most traumatized people I know fr fr. Whenever I get to know their life and backstory Im always like bro….😶😶 It makes me so sad cause they always bring such good vibes everywhere (they have a playful aura) when in reality there’s a depth of pain underneath you wouldn’t even fathom through that unbothered persona. The OG misunderstood.
We all know Scorpio is all about depth, intensity and looking beyond the surface but I’ve very often observed the exact opposite in scorpio placements. They could tend to be very superficial, greedy and materialistic, more obsessed with wealth and status than any earth placement (it all comes down to power). In such cases their interest in occult or deep topics could also be superficial or opportunistic, like they only see it as something that could give them a leg up in life or help them avoid unseen threats but that's about it.
Cancer Risings do not come across as sensitive at all. They tend to have a rather sassy personality and are pretty defensive 90% of the time tbh. Think about it, are crabs 🦀 cute and cuddly? No, you actually actually have to be very careful around one cause they sting lol. They do wear their heart on their sleeves and are very sensitive and perceptive but because of this they constantly feel like their vulnerability is out for everyone to see hence the guarded attitude.
^I've also noticed they are VERY opinionated and will hold on very tightly to how they think/feel about something. This results in having a reputation for being kinda bold and sharp (Aries 10th). Pro tip: do NOT question these native's morals or integrity unless you wanna see a very snappy side to them, they respond very very very badly if you even insinuate that they might be hypocritical in their values/what matters to them
The interpretation that Aquarius in the 4th house means you’re an outcasted black sheep in the family low-key doesn’t make sense to me tbh. Aquarius is the sign of camaraderie, friendship, inclusivity and community. All the people that I’ve seen with this placement were actually very bonded to their roots and considered their family (and the people they bonded with during childhood) to be "their people" (they also keep their friends close to heart). These natives do tend to distinct themselves as they grow up but this is due to Leo 10th house. I've noticed their family is in general very supportive of them or at the very least they received some input in their upbringing that made them feel special and/or like their uniqueness was celebrated. Feel free to share your opinion/experience tho
I've noticed Virgo Mars people have a perfect balance between being confident in themselves and fulling trusting their abilities while also staying humble and acknowledge room for improvement. Very mature and self-accountable and they're also great people to work with cause they are highly appreciative of good contribution
Sagittarius placements and their ability to be casually rude in a charming way??? 😭
Moon in the 10th house do not have a reputation for being emotional at all, it's quite the opposite they dislike exposing their feelings like that. A lot of their energy is spent trying to appear put-together and emotionally stable. The ones I've noticed have a reputation for being moody or sensitive are Mars in the 10th house
Venus-Moon aspects probably grew up in an environment that fed up this idea they had to be beautiful and conventionally likable in order to be worthy of love. These natives tend to base their self-worth on the amount of emotional validation they get from others and struggle telling the difference between kindness and love
A couple notes on everyone’s fave topic: 8th house synastry
We all know this overlay deals with power dynamics. On a general basis I’ve noticed it’s the planet person who tends to have the upper hand. Exeption: Moon. When your moon falls in someone’s 8th house you tend to be vulnerable one due to the soft nature of this planet, but the house person secretly feels more intimidated
You will NAWT be able to keep secrets from someone you have 8th house synastry with specially if you’re the house person. Sooner or later they’ll see through you, circumstances might force you to expose yourself or you’ll simply feel drawn to revealing the truth to them. With water synastry in general you will feel drawn to share more deep or hidden parts of yourself/your life but with the 8th house you can’t help it, like there’s almost an accusatory tension between the two that grows the more you try to hide something from them
Something I see no one mentioning about 8th house synastry is the planet person always feels intimidated by the house person's success. The planet person will try to take part in the house person's success by taking some credit and have a sense of control over what belongs to the house person, it's giving Kanye's "I made that bitch famous". At best the planet person would want to help boost the house person's endeavors. Either way, when someone's planets land on your 8th house, you will never feel like something is completely yours anymore, somehow the planet person will "take" something away from you that you can't get back making you feel like you owe them or they owe you something big (8th house=debt), which is why this overlay very often goes south and tends to be very depleting.
If we're talking business (which 8th house deals with that) the house person is likely to take a risk on the planet person, invest on them (can be money, time, resources, trust, etc) in hopes that it'll pay off. The house person is most likely to loose something from their involvement with the planet person, but they can also gain a lot from the planet person if the investment pays off. In either case, one could tend to exploit the other if there’s any ill intent from the individual
Water mars people are very smothering in their affection tbh. Once you’ve been chosen, get ready to be bombarded by their attention a bit more each time. Secret stalker vibes.This doesn’t always mean they love you tho, if underdeveloped they may want to “bond” in order to have emotional control over you and use you. For them it’s easy to get what they want through manipulation so leading people on or fooling around is something they tend to do a lot
Going back to the affection topic, water venus are smothering too but they go about their obsession devotion in a much more soft and non-domineering way where they give a lot of power away to their partner
People with Gemini+Scorpio placements in their chart embody the mischievous trickster archetype fr fr. They’re funny but also a menace. Have an ease to become that type of deceitful manipulator who thrives in chaos
I have a theory that your Moon represents the kind of bond or relationship you have with your mother but Ceres represents how your mother actually is
Capricorn and Scorpio placements are huge tsunderes imo 😭
Chiron in Sagittarius/9th house have become disappointed with religious and/or academic institutions. For them both systems are essentially flawed and don't work or don't make sense
+When it comes to religion I've seen a lot of them being atheist and skeptics. Some others still believed in god/universe/etc. but they did not want to support any stablished religious institution and instead have preferred to craft their own belief system. In both cases, they saw the institutionalization of believe systems as something that hindered their freedom of thought and expansion
+When it comes to academics a very similar thing happens. They felt like collage and the educational system restricted their mind instead of expanding it so they just preferred to walk their own path and find growth elsewhere. A friend of mine with this placement quit collage and the other people I've seen who did finish it all said they had a kinda dreadful and/or unfulfilling collage experience which they low-key regret
If you’ve ever felt powerless in the house where you have your pluto, that’s because you gave your power away to the opposite house. For example, if you have Pluto in the 5th house and you felt powerless when it comes to expression, your creativity, etc that’s because you gave too much power to the public opinion/peer pressure (11th house) and what they may say about you if you express yourself genuinely
Scorpio Moons always battle with that "am I a good person?", "am I a monster deep down?" inner conflict. They are more in touch with darker emotions and experiences than the average person so for them it's particularly easy to channel their shadow. This can often make them doubt their own integrity or think they are doomed to never feel happiness and inner peace. This is moon's debilitation for a reason, their inner emotional world is ruled by chaos and turmoil and they tend to be a bit too comfortable (moon) in toxicity and drama, nothing is ever light-hearted for them. If developed this ability of staying in touch with the shadow side of things can actually give them lots of awareness and resilience for the darker sides of the world as well as a very solid moral compass and compassion
Leo Moons likely had grandiose standards forced on them that inflated their self-importance. It's giving "mommy told me I am the best and most special of all" which is great but now they be carrying that mindset for the rest of their lives and this is where lot of their infamous sensitivity and fragile ego comes from cause not fulfilling these standards deeply hurts their heart. In consequence they tend to be more unprepared to accept humbling experiences that'll make them mature
virgo risings are funny!!!! I haven't seen anyone mention this, but every virgo rising I've met cracked me UP, they are so witty and never misse a chance to throw in a cheeky joke every 2 minutes. I think this is overlooked because they keep a rather awkward demeanor to them which often makes for a rather dry delivery. Best examples of this are Ryan Raynolds, Keanue Reeves, Emma Watson, Cole Sprouse...
Also, all Virgo risings I've met tend to come across as huge snobs so it's very common that people don't take their humor or friendliness seriously
Honestly I've noticed this theme with Virgo/6th house inner placements in general where their judgemental nature always makes them unfriendly or snarky to some degree. They can be the kind of people who are never happy with anything and always have a bone to pick.
My main theory as to why Leo risings are the most shy out of all Leo placements is because a lot of them grew up in very problematic and dysfunctional families (Scorpio 4th house) where they were shamed for showing vulnerability or being genuine (Cancer 12th house)
I’ve noticed Aries Suns and Capricorn Suns tend to relate a lot to their fathers, they tend to have very similar character traits as their fathers. For good or for bad their relationship with their father is always very important in their personality.
I find that LEO Suns and Sagittarius Suns always be having daddy issues tho like 😭😭😭😭
One thing about Capricorn is they can be literal billionaires and yet will still refuse to spend a dime on something they think is not worth it
Mutable Moons don’t commit 10000% to things, they’re the type to always have a foot out just in case. They're most likely to commit to things if they don't feel forced or expected to stay permanently
Cardinal energy is very consistent and responsable. People with prominent cardinal placements have a really developed sense of agency, focus and direction (imo this will be more obvious with moon, mars and asc). There's something about them that always gives me this put together "I've got this" kinda vibe, they always seem like they've got it together and always know what to do even when they're lost.
Fixed mercuries and their inability to understand or accept that two different points can be true
Sun/Leo in the 3rd house could want to have a nice car, an expensive or luxurious car from a well-known brand
I’ve seen people saying Venus-Mars conjunction gives it girl vibes. This is also HIGHLY true for Mars-ruled Venus (Aries/Scorpio Venus) or Venus-ruled Mars (Libra/Taurus Mars)
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work by astrobydalia
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yamikawas · 2 years
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i will always love you, no matter what you go through. i love you so so much <3
- yoomtah !
AAAAAAAAAJDHDHHFJDJFKD YOOMIE MY BELOVED ;///;........................THANK U I'LL ALWAYS LOVE U TOO OK ILL BE WITH U FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER NO MATTER HOW MY BRAIN GETS U ALWAYS MAKE ME FEEL BETTER I LOVE U SO MUCH MY YOOMIE<3<3<3<3<33<33333<<3<<33<3<3<33<3<33<3<3<3<3
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#I CANT HELP BUT LOSE MY MIND IN RESPONSE TO A MESSAGE FROM MY BELOVED AWAWAWAWAWAWA#SHE IS SO<3<3<33<3<3<3<3<33I LOVE HER SO MUCH<3<3<3<3<3<<<3333<3<<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<33<3<3<3<3#SHE MEANS SO MUCH TO ME SHES LITERALLY EVERYTHING I RLLY DONT KNOW WHAT ID DO WITHOUT HER#I JUST WANT TO HOLD HER TIGHT AND NEVER LET HER GO I COULDNT BEAR TO LET HER GO EVER OK#LITERALLY.SHE HAS GOT ME THROUGH SO MUCH INCLUDING MY BRAIN BEING BAD RECENTLY I OWE HER SO MUCH#I HOPE SHE KNOWS HOW MUCH SHES DONE FOR ME AND HOW IMPORTANT SHE IS TO ME BC SHE LITERALLY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING#I WANNA JUST HUG HER TIGHT AND BURY MY FACE INTO HER HAIR AND TELL HER HOW MUCH I LOVE HER AND HOW MUCH SHE MEANS TO ME#YOOMTAH MY BELOVED EVER I RLLY DONT KNOW WHAT ID DO WITHOUT HER I CANT PICTURE MY LIFE WITHOUT HER AT ALL#SORRY JUST HEARING HER SAY THAT SHE LOVES ME NO MATTER WHAT I GO THROUGH HAS ME A LITTLE MORE EMOTIONAL THAN I SHOULD BE#SHES SO.MY EVERYTHING💓💜💛🌈💕⚠️💗❣💕💞💋💚🌩🌻👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💚💫💞💫💟💙💕🌈🌠💘🧡🌼💋🌻🍋💛⚡💖🌩💝⚠️💌💓❣✨❤💕💗💜❤💙💞💋🌈💫🌩💌#YOOMTAH YOOMTAH YOOMTAH YOOMTAH......................I JUST NEED TO BE WITH HER FOREVER IM GONNA GO INSANE#LITERALLY NO ONE ELSE COULD NEED HER THE WAY I DO SHES MY PURPOSE MY REASON TO LIVE EVERYTHING.NO ONE ELSE COULD LOVE HER THE WAY I DO#I WILL ALWAYS LOVE HER MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE EVER WILL BC IM THE ONLY ONE WHO LOVES HER SO MUCH THEY WOULD KILL AND DIE FOR HER#GOD.ITS CRAZY HOW SHE ALWAYS MAKES ME FEEL BETTER NO MATTER WHAT LIKE.SHE JUST HAS SUCH A POSITIVE EFFECT ON ME ITS CRAZY#LIKE NO MATTER HOW HORRIBLE I FEEL OR HOW MUCH I HATE MYSELF IF I JUST TALK ABT HER ENOUGH I'LL BE HAPPY AGAIN#SHE I S MY HAPPINESS NOTHING HAS EVER MADE ME FEEL HAPPY THE WAY SHE DOES ITS AMAZING I NEVER WANT TO LET GO OF HER FOR ANYTHING#I DONT KNOW WHAT ID DO WITHOUT HER ID DIE WITHOUT HER I SWEAR I COULD NEVER LIVE WITHOUT HER I NEED TO BE WITH HER FOREVER AND EVER#I AM NEVER LETTING HER GO FOR ANYTHING I CANT LET GO OF HER I NEED HER SO MUCH I CANT LET ANYTHING OR ANYONE TAKE HER FROM ME OK#GOD.I NEED HER SO MUCH.MORE THAN IVE EVER NEEDED ANYTHING ELSE#MORE THAN AIR OR FOOD OR WATER OR ANYTHING NOTHING ELSE MATTERS I NEED H E R ONLY HER SHE IS E V E R Y T H I N G#I LITERALLY CANT LIVE WITHOUT HER.IM GOING TO DIE WITHOUT HER#I WANT TO CLING TO HER AND BREATHE HER IN AND FEEL ALIVE AGAIN#SHE MAKES ME FEEL ALIVE#SHE IS MY LIFE#SHE IS EVERYTHING#YOOMTAH IS EVERYTHING.
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honeytonedhottie · 4 months
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maintaining/creating a social life⋆.ೃ࿔*:・🧁
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ok so i used to have HORRIBLE social anxiety and i think that the contrast between me with social anxiety and me now is INSANE. in a good way ofc. so im not going to talk about how i overcame social anxiety, instead im going to talk about how i created a social life ✨
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MAKING FRIENDS ;
the science of making friends is simple and im about to explain it. so go to where there are ppl that u can relate to/want to relate to. example being school, clubs, etc.
next, observe who u want to befriend and make sure to start with a compliment. starting off by introducing urself just makes for an awkward conversation but starting with a compliment puts u and the other party at ease.
something thats rly important is ur CHARISMA and ur magnetic energy so be CHARMING ✨ if u find that the other party is not reciprocating its either they're uncomfy, uninterested, or just a weirdo. and in all cases, you should stop.
MAKING FRIENDS THRU FRIENDS ;
make friends with your friends friends -> make friends with their friends -> and so on and so forth. this is how you network and create a friendly status with lots of people.
if ur in a school setting like i am, make friends with people in ur own grade or in a higher up grade, i dont usually make friends with ppl in lower grades but ofc there are always exceptions.
making friends through friends is how u get invited to parties, have more opportunities be available to you, and ofc network for more connections. guys connections are literally EVERYTHING.
MAKE TIME FOR UR FRIENDS ;
make sure to learn who u call friends. when is their birthday? do they have specific preferences? what kind of music do they listen to? knowing ur friends makes them feel special and thats how u learn to be a good friend. i can make a whole POST about being a good friend cuz i've learned and grown so much with that.
THE POWER OF A COMPLIMENT ;
make it ur mission to give a compliment everyday cuz first off, being nice is HOT so pls be nice and second of all, if ur trying to talk to someone and u start with a compliment i promise that it'll go so much better.
if ur thinking "thats so awkward how will i do that" then the category dont be shy is one that u gotta read cuz girl 💀. if u need an example i'll provide one from my own experience so u can see the power of a compliment.
there was this girl in my spanish class and i always thought that she was so pretty and she seemed so nice. one day we bump into each other in the bathroom and i compliment her hair and makeup, she responds well. we continue to have friendly interactions throughout the rest of the school year and now we are good friends on and off campus.
DONT BE SHY ;
when u make friends please please PLEASE work on ur confidence first. you need to be SURE of yourself. if not, when ur being friendly it could come off as desperation and ppl will humiliate, make fun of and take advantage of u. and thats NOT hot.
be CONFIDENT, you literally have nothing to lose. when u shed ur shyness (thru things like exposure therapy etc) a whole new world is opened up for u bcuz sometimes the only thing holding u back is urself and ur limiting beliefs about urself.
MAKE UR PERSONALITY SHINE ;
make sure that know ur own personality and from knowing that u can find ways in which u can make it shine. no matter what ur personality is though, something that i cannot stress enough is BE NICE.
be friendly and amicable with everyone and stay out of drama and if drama comes to you then stay unbothered 😭. dont try and uproot ur own personality to copy someone else's.
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yooooo!!! you’re my favorite ethan winters artist i just wanna say that first and foremost, thank you for the wholesome content of my comfort character and father figure 🥹🫶
i’m really curious bc i feel like i see a lot of people against mithan (not me personally, i’m p neutral on them!) but i’m curious to know all your thoughts on them! thoughts on their canon relationship, their fanon portrayal, the backlash against them/mia accusations, and your headcanons? i’m just really interested!!! hopefully that’s not weird :”)
have a good day!! sparkle on!!! ✨💖
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i heart mithan... i think that they can be so cute...
i personally hc them t4t and i like to think that the dated in highschool before they both had fully transitioned
mia likes to bake and ethan likes to scrap book and he always likes to take pictures of mias cakes/ baked goods and has a album for them 😭
i am a multishipper so i draw a lot of ethan ships so my girl is left out sometimes and im sorry mia 😔
i actually really like their relationship, its a really complex dynamic that i like to talk about with my friends
i think the issue is that when talking about mithan or mia in general, theres just SO MUCH misinformation that its honestly a pain the butt to talk about
people still think that she was responsible for the creation of eveline, people still think that she experimented on eveline, people still use examples of her attacking ethan as if she did it on her own will instead of being mind controlled
in reality she was just someone who oversaw the transportation of evie. im not excusing her or anything because obviously she knew what she was doing, but people really try to accuse her of doing something she didnt and it bothers me alot lol
the problem with the fandom is that people either try to water her down to girlboss who did nothing wrong and fail to acknowledge the complexity/ moral grayness of her character and the other side is misogynists 😭😭😭😭
its hard to talk about her without people either going "stop trying to villainize her and make her look bad!" or people ACTUALLY villainizing her and acting like heisenberg would have treated him better 😭😭
mithan is such a sad relationship because they loved each other so much and that ended up being the reason their relationship fell apart (sort of... its not like the broke up... ethan kinda just straight up died)
i get a lot a trouble for saying this, but mia is a selfish person.
its not a bad thing! well i mean it is but it doesnt make her some evil witch who is somehow worse than the guy how made a werewolf american ninja warrior. its just a major character flaw she has! which is good! mia being a flawed person who makes mistakes and morally gray decisions make her a more interesting person!
she is selfish in the way that she wants to keep her family with her no matter the cost. even if it means lying to ethan about her job so that he wont think different of her. here is a interrogation from the re7 DLC, which is easy to miss!
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she isnt necessarily trying to apologize for the things she has done, she is more of a, "u wont need to forgive me in the first place if we just forget it all and move on"
she doesn't try to redeem herself for what she has done, she tries to move on and return to the normal life that she wants so bad. which is fine! everyone copes a different way and she has to right to move on from her trauma. the problem that lies in this is that she has a shared trauma with ethan who still has no idea what went on in dulvey and still effects him till the present (he is mold! this is a important thing to know! most people would want to know if they were a walking corpse)
she played a direct part in what happened in dulvey, and im not referring to the email, she did not send that. she never wanted ethan to come in the first place. she tried her best to send a video to him, begging him to forget about her because she wanted to protect him, BUT it didnt send.
he got involved because she was involved. its honestly a series of really really unfortunate events.
THOUGH! she did know what she was getting into. im tired of seeing the narrative that mia was innocent and didnt know what was going on or was simply a bystander. she knew what she was doing, she knew eveline was a bioweapon, she knew eveline was a child. she used a MACHINE GUN! she knows how to use weapons and was obviously trained for it.
she tried her best to keep everybody out of the mess, ex: warning the bakers not to take them in, warning ethan not to find her, sacrificing herself for ethan in the later half of re7
but again, those are the consequences of HER actions
her consequences just happen to get really big and end up hitting ethan on the head like a metal sheet 😭
their relationship is really so interesting, it makes me really sad to think about sometimes 😭they both went through something that nobody else would ever understand, in the end they really only have each other. they get moved to an entire different country and the dulvey incident gets covered up with a "gas leak"
its really tragic because their marriage definitely had some flaws and bumps. and i know im repeating myself but its because people always take this in the worst way possible but just because i say their relationship was rocky doesnt mean im saying they dont love each other!!! thats the entire basis of mias character!! saying she doesnt love ethan would destroy her entire character!
you can see in the re8 DLC how fondly ethan talks about mia! he loves her so much, though im not sure if his comments in the DLC are him narrating current (post re8) or his thoughts before everything went down and he died (pre re8)
everything mia did was because she LOVED ethan. she would never do anything to intentionally hurt him, she is not a cruel person. she hides the truth of her job from ethan pre re7 because she loves him and doesnt want her job to drive them apart. she CONTINUES to refuse to tell ethan the truth post re7 because she wants to move on a live a happy normal life with him and knows something like her being directly associated with the connections would probably cause (more) problems. she refuses to tell ethan that he is mold because again, hard to live a happy marriage with your husband after you tell him hes a bioweapon.
obviously i dont think it was right that she did this, thats what makes her selfish! she did it for herself! she did it for her family! she thought it would work out, she thought that they could move on and be happy together.
the issue is that ethan didnt want to forget. he wanted to know what happened, he wanted to know the part mia played, he wanted answers! which is reasonable! he knows to some extent that mia was partially responsible for his involvement and he was always suspcious that mia was lying to him about her job which is implied when mia says "you were right, i did lie to you"
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she doesnt learn, she doesnt stop lying, her lies get bigger and worse and it sucks yeah but it makes her so interesting!!! she keeps doing stupid things under the idea that this is whats best for her and her family, that if she hides this everything will work out and it will be for the better but its not!
just because telling your husband hes dead and a bioweapon is a hard subject to bring up doesnt mean you DONT bring it up. people shouldnt use that as a reason to excuse mia 😭, its a very bad excuse and honestly highlights how horrible their communication skills were. you cant just not tell your husband that he is actually infected with the mold and not tell him for the tree years between post re7 and pre re8.
im not saying these things to put mia down, or try and villanize her. these are all just actual things her character does! she isnt evil, but she isnt a knight in shining armor either. we need to be able to have talks about complex characters without crying everytime someone points out a flaw. characters have flaws! and mia just happens to have a lot of them!
im not mad at her, i dont dislike her because i think this way of her. shes a fictional character! you can like characters that are morally gray, or villains that drink blood and make corpse soldiers. they are fictional! pointing out the flaws of a character does not mean i dont like them.
i wouldnt call her "the real villain of re8" but i wouldnt treat her like a damsel in distress either. she is a competent person, she knows what shes doing, she has her reasons for doing them. she made bad descions with good intentions behind them! they can coexist and we should let them!
i like mithan! its a complex relationship because they both love each other so much but hurt each other in the process
talking about them is just a pain in the butt because talking about mia is a pain in the butt lol
i really hate how she keeps getting sidelined, its super frustrating to see mia get put in a cage in every game 😭
its even more frustrating that mia straight up just disappears???? in the shadows of rose DLC... like she just stops taking care of rose and theres nothing said about it. no reason or explanation. i dont think mia would ever ditch rosemary because she didnt care about her, but we probably will never know because capcom sucks at writing and they probably forgot the mia ever even existed.
all in all, i think the fandom is really just full of misinformation which make people either think mia is some horrible evil person, or its full of people who think that saying mia messed up is the equivalent of comparing her to wesker lol.
i really love mia, shes a incredibly fun and complex character, its just hard to enjoy her sometimes with the people in the fandom haha.
also ive got no idea what u meant by "the backlash against them/mia accusations" so sorry if i didnt answer that!
thank u for the ask! sorry for the long response!
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kyri45 · 8 days
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✨ISAT Sky: Cotl!AU Q&A ✨
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Welcome to the Q&A! A space where I can answer related or similar question about the ISAT Sky: Cotl!AU! If you submitted your ask anonimously, then you’ll have to check the whole post if it’s answered here, if it’s not, worry not! Your asks might have been used for a future comic or just in the queue~
Anonimo ha chiesto: sometimes when im bored i just go to your profile to position your pfp to siffrin's hands so it looks like they're holding you
I feel threatened bc if Siffrin would know what I'm making them pass through with the next comic updates he would crush me insteantly with a fist.
Anonimo ha chiesto: Damn Siffrin is dying and no one will ever remember them. 😔 Oh Loo~ooop!
Loop coming to save the day even tough they aren't paid enough for this shit
Anonimo Siffrin isn't aware of the hole in the wall you can go through for those two statues without having to get pelted by rocks smh my head. (said jokingly) ((Love your comic btw!! Thank you for this AU, I love it))
THE
WHAT?
YOU CAN GO THROUGH A WALL TO GET THEM WITHOUT RUNNING FOR YOUR LIFE?????
Anonimo My reaction to this chapter of ISAT COTL CROSSOVER AU (10/9/2024) GO BBG YOU GOT THIS IN THE BAG!! OH YOU DO NOT GOT THIS IN THE BAG.. oh now you're out of the bag oh god ruh roh
Oh yeah he does NOT have this.
Anonimo pst hey hey are you gonna pose the statues, it would be funny i swear totally not more heartbreaking for siffr- WAIT HOW WOULD THEY REACT TO THE FACT YOU CAN BARELY SAVE ALL OF THE STATUES WHEN YOU REACH THE FOREVER STORM PART-
he has enough memories that he should recover a good amount of statues. It's not a matter of wheter or not he can save everyone, but mostly themself....
Anonimo ha chiesto: Hey so I cannot believe I am so late to see your ISAT and Sky AU because I love!! Both of them!! So much!! And I just wanted to thank you for making it and sharing it with us because it’s really cool! And both fandoms need more attention imo <333 @ucorpwhalingyaoi ha chiesto: I know NOTHING about cotl but my god your isat au of it has made me want to play it so bad 💔 (very /pos…) @primrosechronicles ha chiesto: HEYYYY ITS BEEN A WHILE SINCE IVE SENT AN ASK!! Ive been silently reading the isat comic since my last ask and im very very proud of you for making this far!!! mwahh!!! Thank you for inspiring me to play sky again, cuz if not i wouldn't have able to meet my sky friends Anonimo ha chiesto: first of all, I came here from the shadowpeach au but your comics dragged my ass to the ISAT fandom second of all, HOW DARE YOU PLAYED WITH MY HAPPINESS LIKE THAT (love your art and story telling, I wanna eat it like a fancy dinner) @prince0fghosty ha chiesto: It's been hard for me to find Sky: Children of the Light content anywhere! I found you through a friend and not only are you interested in Sky but also Lego Monkie Kid this is truly the best day ever!!! I got back into the game because of you. I like to help moths out in Eden @phoenix-is-here ha chiesto: You are the person who introduced me to the ISAT fandom and I gotta say thank you for that. That's one of the best games I've ever played and I would have never known about it without stumbling onto your account first (because of a strong hyperfixation on a show about monkeys ofc) so.. Accept this virtual cookie and glass of milk as a gift : 🍪 Anonimo ha chiesto: I followed for the shadowpeach, stayed for Sky CotL, keep cookin
HIII!!! AND TYSM!!!!!
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@elianaroselight ha chiesto: This feels a little silly, but what is ISAT? I read through your ISAT Sky AU comic and I feel like I am missing half of the story. I love what I'm seeing so far and want more, but I also don't know or completely understand who the characters are and why I should care about them (more than I do already at least). Sorry if this is silly. I just want to understand.
ISAT is short for "In Stars And Time". It's an RPG game made by @insertdisc5. ABsolutely go check it out otherwise you wont understand a thing about the characters of the AU!
when i was reading the most recent page of the In Skies and Time™️ comic I had the most hilarious image in my head of just a bunch of sky kids smacking down on the same area and making this. sky kid pileup????? [since it seems liek theyre all gonna come back like that..] it was super funny to imagine 30 CAR PILEUP 🔥🔥🔥
AWWW SKY KID MOUNTAIN!! Lol probably it would happen? Like when you do Eden just after reset and when you get reborn there's like 7 other players clipped in you rebirth animation in the aviary /home space
Anonimo ha chiesto: Awwwww Bonnie was so excited 😢
poor Bonnie they will get their comfort moment eventually
@sohrleas ha chiesto: YOU YOU'RE THE REASON WHY I got Sky 'cause I saw your isat sky au and got super curious about the game Your art is beautiful and I love it 💚💚💚
LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOO!!!!
Anonimo ha chiesto: HOPEFUL STEWARD WOOOOO-
IT'S MY BOY!!
@o0mochacoffee0o This isn’t related to you Bio dad AU Like my usuals- I just saw in your abut that you like CotL! Now you share two of my interests!! I’m curious to know your favorite parts of the game, if you have any ships, head canons, etc!! I always love listening to people’s opinions on things I love!
About Scotl? I don't have any specific headcanon, but I do ship Moments Guide and Reassuring Ranges. The only thing that I crave for that game is MORE LORE GODDAMN IT
Anonimo ha chiesto: When I said the fun was dying. I did not expected this. I'M SCREAMING AND PUNCHING THE BED NOOOOOOOOOOOO SIFFF
*sips coffee* welcome to hell (literally)
Anonimo ha chiesto: "is that thing a sadness?!" sweet summer child that thing is a menace of death
It absolutely is
Anonimo ha chiesto: Poor Siffrin’s gotta be absolutely TERRIFIED Big scary beast thing spotted them AND suddenly getting bathed in the color they associate with bad stuff? I can’t imagine anyone who wouldn’t be quaking in their boots.
He is in desperate need of comfort that wont come in like- a irl month I think
Anonimo ha chiesto: I know you won’t be doing the golden wastelands but… Once the party discovers that the groundwater has the same effect as the forest rain, Isabeau decides to bridal carry Siffrin the whole way. Leaving Siffrin a blushy mess. Also, almost if not everyone is scared shitless of the Dark Dragons/Krill (totally not projecting)
ooooohh that is soooo cute i'm dying!!!!!
Anonimo ha chiesto: THE FAKE ACT 4 LOOKING SMILE . THE ACT 5 EDEN MOMENT. THE PARTY BEING SENT BACK . DIES "oh yeah if I still have energy I can loop back" ← me when I'm lying
@starlight-and-clockwork ha chiesto: bawling and kicking and screaming and pulling my hair out THAT PANEL OF SIFFRIN ASKING HIS FAMILY TO REMEMBER HIM WILL HAUNT ME FOREVER YOU ARE SO TALENTED AND CAUSE ME MUCH PAIN THANK U<3
@aro-aces-world ha chiesto: I just caught up with ISAT sky au Fuck you /affectionate
Thank you! Be ready to be even more destroyed by the following updates!
@cherryblossomventi ha chiesto: I’m gonna go feral, Sif did that because he knows he can kinda come back from this with the shooting star thing Im guessing but the others cant/might not because they aren’t from this land,,, oh buddy why didn’t you tell them stop being cryptic idiot
Sif doesn't really remember that he can be reborn like in Sky. He knows only that, if he can reach the light right at the base of the cataclysm, then maybe he can return as well.
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pastorfutureletthembe · 3 months
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Because of my brain's fucked up chemistry, I bring you bilibili's most hilarious (sarcasm) ploy. This is one of my favorite official artwork. The palette is simple and our beloved characters seem to have fun!
🙂‍↔️ Don't be fooled.
I'll start with the obvious, as always: red stains and apple knives. The pictures are telling enough.
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Then we have the number 8. Which, I have my theories on, but nothing significant enough to make a whole post about it yet.
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Let's start with the 8 of hearts. If you look carefully, you'll notice there are exactly 8 chandelier arms. 8 strawberries are visible on each cake (one is missing two parts and the other one is partly behind a shadow who must be Li Tianchen). Lastly, but Im not entirely sure of myself here, you can probably count 8 wine glasses (they are rounder than others).
Crossed theory: the missing pieces of the cakes are exactly between IV and VI of a clock. V is hinted yet again 🤌✨ but there are two cakes... making cakes... Yep, you guessed it: one entire Curve, as described in Rick and Morty:
The curve basically walls off the infinite number of universes, in which INSERT IMPORTANT CANONICAL NODE happens, from the rest of the infinite multiverse. A model often used to explain is that the definition of the Central Finite Curve has no set parameters; it's just wholly random and infinite therefore can be represented as a repeating, immeasurable shape modeled with a circle. The Central Finite Curve would then present a finite collection of dimensions.
(Gosh, I do have a lot of meta planned for this show, kill me now // Edit: DONE)
STEPPING AWAY FROM THE LYING CAKE-
For archives purpose, I'll just point out that two Aces of Hearts probably means there are two of the same while there should be one. I don't know if this was a clue already or yet to be resolved. They're both near a candle, a glass and a bottle. It gives the whole table an odd symmetry. Like a mirror you cannot see the frames of. The 8 on cards are also symmetrical + the placement is repeated with both chandeliers. The symmetry of the table implies there is a fourth cake off-screen.
There is one mistake though, I don't know if it was made on purpose or not: none of the hearts are upside down. The 8 of hearts is wrong: there is supposed to be symmetry on the card itself!
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Since we already got a tarot reading in the chibisodes, here we go: (a quick google research for this one)
"In divinatory tarot, it could be a mix between the Lovers and the World. Indeed, the ace of hearts relates to the World as it represents the triumph of the individual on the elements that surround him. It also relates to the Lovers thanks to its romantic attributes and consequences."
- latincards
THE DARKER SIDE OF THE ACE OF HEARTS MEANINGS: EXPLORING CONTRASTING While predominantly seen as a symbol of love and positivity, the Ace of Hearts can also have darker or more complex meanings. In some interpretations, it might signify heartbreak, emotional manipulation, or unrequited love. This aspect reminds us that the heart's journey is not always smooth and that love can sometimes lead to challenging or transformative experiences.
- thedopeart
(Sidenote: You should be aware that the LOVERS doesn't exclusively concern romantic aspects of life in our modern world, but life partners in the general sense, people deeply tied to you.)
As for the 8 of Hearts:
The Eight of Hearts is often associated with emotions, love, and relationships. It signifies deep connections, harmony, and positive energy in matters of the heart. When this card appears in a reading, it suggests that love and emotional fulfillment are on the horizon. This card is a symbol of balance and stability in relationships. It indicates that there is a strong foundation of trust and understanding between partners.
Hearts are a recurrent shape used in Qiao Ling's artworks but I'll make another post for shapes/characters related stuff.
For the record, Cheng Xiaoshi isn't drinking red wine on the Halloween poster. Doesn't know where this is going but I've done my share of meta for today 🙂‍↕️
>>> In conclusion,
RED is the real clue here. May it be to indicate the presence of Li Tianchen or VEIN. The same shade of red is all we see, as if a filter was used, and since Li Tianchen's eyes glow red, I guess it's related somehow (metaphorically speaking). The fact everything is the same color was also designed to trick us about the blood on the knife. The aces could be CXS and LG... or LG and Liu Xiao (he seems to be obsessed with him so why not.) In any case, I do see a paradox hidden in plain sight here.
The cards are there as a positive outlook: they are together in this, their friendship is what will thrive on the dark side of the clock! It encourages them to open themselves to others and trust their bond.
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fuckitupfelix · 1 month
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hi!!✨ i rlly rlly love your fics and idk how to say this but i wanna request u one, if thats alright! its about the reader being a manager at karasuno and openly gay, so one day (night, after practice) kageyama asks reader that how he knew he was gay, because he was doubting, and reader tells kags to practice kiss to really know if he's gay and they kiss kiss 💋💋 add things if you want cuz this may seem kinda short but its yr choice!! thank u
ahh thank you im glad you like my stuff!! this is such a cute idea ahh i hope i wrote what you had in mind well 🫶🫶
trial kiss ♡
kageyama x male reader
word count: 0.8k
how is he supposed to figure out if he likes guys?
FEM ALIGNED DNI
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kageyama never really tried to give his sexuality a label, purely because he’d never really thought about it. sure, he thought some girls were pretty, but since most of his time was spent thinking about volleyball, he didn’t attempt to explore relationships any further. maybe he should have?
that didn’t really matter now, because now he’s sprawled out on the floor of the gym, eyes absentmindedly glancing over the ceiling. practice had just ended, and most of the team had gone to the clubroom to change. maybe he should go do that too— later, though. he’s got one main thing on his mind right now; (name). kageyama didn’t have any classes with him, so the only times he’d get to see him would be at lunch or during practice. he was curious about (name). yachi had mentioned him being gay when kageyama had tried to ask her for advice about guys, saying something about how (name) would be the better person to talk to. maybe he would.
(name) was always super attentive in conversations, giving everyone on the team tips on how to improve, and always bringing in extra snacks he’d make. he cared about his teammates.
kageyama finally sits up, his legs still stretched out in front of himself. his gaze falls onto (name), who’s currently tucking his notebooks into his bag.
“(name)-kun.” kageyama calls, and the manager’s head snaps up. “can i talk to you about something?”
(name) nods, shrugging his bag back onto the bench before making his way to where kageyama sat. he plops himself directly next to him, crossing his legs. “what’s up, kageyama?” he asks, leaning over.
kageyama shifts in his position, moving to stretch out his legs. “you’re. . . you’re gay, right?” he asks. he stiffens up when (name) laughs. was it a stupid question? was yachi wrong?
“yeah, i’m gay. any reason you’re asking?”
“how’d you, like. . .” kageyama furrows his eyebrows, his face morphing into a frown. “like. . . figure it out? did you always know?”
“mm, i definitely didn’t know my whole life,” (name) chuckles again, and this time kageyama notices how warm it sounds. “but i really liked one of my friends in middle school. i thought we were just really good friends and i cared about him a lot. but, deep down, i kind of knew that wasn’t true? like, i was lying to myself. one day, we were hanging out, and i kissed him.” he shrugs, leaning his body weight back onto his arms. he looks up at the ceiling, almost like his eyes were searching for something.
“but yeah! that’s how i figured out i was gay,” (name) grins.
kageyama frowns again. “so i need to kiss a guy to see if i’m gay . . ?” he asks. (name) laughs again.
‘warm. . . ‘ kageyama noted.
“i’m not saying you have to kiss a guy, that’s just what helped me figure myself out.” (name) pauses, an imaginary light-bulb glowing above his head. “you wanna try it now?” he grins.
“what, kiss you?” kageyama sputters, sitting up straight. “Seriously?”
“only if you want to!”
. . . kageyama did want to see if something would happen. it’s just a kiss, right? He’s kissed people before—- it was just one or two girls that kissed him on the cheek in elementary school—- but still! nothing bad would happen. It’s just to see if he’d like it.
“. . .okay.” kageyama nods. “sure.”
(name) nods. he scoots closer until their shoulders touch. he plants a firm hand on kageyama’s shoulder, rubbing his thumb over the fabric of his shirt subtly. it’s at this moment kageyama notices a few details about (name) he hadn’t noticed before; a lock of hair that looked the slightest shade lighter than the rest of his hair, how pleasant his smile was, and the fact that his hands were slightly colder than kageyama expected them to be, even through his shirt.
(name) leans in, and kageyama mimics, albeit a bit slower, and their lips connect. strange. that's the only word kageyama could think of to describe it. Just like his hands, (name)’s lips were kind of cold. it was almost refreshing. by the time all of these thoughts flit through his mind, (name) has already pulled back.
“So? what’d ya think?” he asks, tilting his head. kageyama was a bit confused— disappointed, almost.
“that’s it?” he voices his thought out loud, and (name) feels his face grow warm with embarrassment. “you didn’t like it, then?”
“no. i mean, i-i did. it was just. . . shorter than i thought.” he manages.
“ahh, getting greedy now, are we, kageyama?” (name) giggles, nudging his shoulder against the setter’s. “at least take me out on a date, first.” he jokes.
“okay.” kageyama says it so fast (name) has to do a double take. “okay?” he repeats.
“Yeah. i’ll take you out on a date. is that, uhh, okay? am i allowed to do that?” he asks, squinting.
“. . . of course you are. and i’d love to.”
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i hope you liked it!!! i love kageyama so much aghh
divider by @/plutism !!
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chernabogs · 5 months
Note
ames you are COOKING (or should i say, planting???lol) SO HARD with the flower language prompts, 😭💖💞💖💞✨✨am really out here sobbing and crying over them like im watering these flowers with my Tears lol
so here i am requesting for these prompts: rosemary, begonia, pink camellia, dark crimson rose, purple hyacinth, blue salvia, zinnia
i picked these based on your initial tag about Maleficia and zinnia flower,,,, I SEE THE VISION so im requesting it now lol but also picked on prompts that reminded of Meleanor and Malleus,,, 😭i think therapy bills should be forwarded to Draconias instead, istg all they ever do is be in grief and loss /lh😭
if its too many, please feel free to choose whichever prompt you like and take your time in writing !! ☺️💞🌹✨✨
Ohhh I did my best here I promise LMAOOO. I tied in some easter eggs with other works i've done (namely Monody, Stasis, and Labours Gained). I hope you enjoy my absolute monstrous dump about Maleficia, whom I will die on a hill for tyvm
EMPTY CHAIRS
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Inc: Maleficia, Meleanor, Levan, Lilia, Malleus (whole gang wow) WC: 4.2k :))) Warnings: Just some death, but I swear it ends on a happy note this time. Flowers: Begonia (How ghosts help the living live a little), Pink Camellia (Where I notice your absence the most), Dark Crimson Rose (The grave I visit everyday), Purple Hyacinth (The worst pain of my whole life and how it healed… multiple times) , Zinnia (The seats at the table and how they eventually became empty… multiple times) Summary: Moments where Maleficia was convinced her family was cursed, and a few times she truly wished this to not be the case.
A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world.  It knows no law, no pity.  It dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path.
Their family may be cursed. 
For many decades now Maleficia had toyed with the possibility of such a matter in her mind. It had first passed briefly with the death of her father—the second monarch to take over after the initial uprising—and the subsequent death of her mother a few weeks later. No one was surprised when she went. Her grief for the loss of her love had been so profound that it had flooded Briar Nation, drowning both cattle and crops in her dismay. Maleficia had postponed her own coronation as the cleanup occurred. It felt ill-boding to be crowned while bodies were floating down the mountain pass. 
The thought had returned once more when her husband vanished at sea, leaving her with a newborn hatchling on her own. Her love had been a strong headed man with adventure burning in his blood—it had been what drew her to him to begin with. That, and he was the only ex-sailor she knew who was bold enough to try and hold her for ransom. Wiping the deck with him had captured his heart—and the fact that he had been a dragon settled the Senate to a degree. But the sea is a fickle mistress, and although her love had skill and he had drive, even the most knowledgeable of sailors can never predict its next move. 
She had not flooded Briar Nation like her mother had, and she had held herself together before her people, although the empty space in her bed and at the dinner table deepened the wound nightly. It was in the quiet moments alone when it was just her and Meleanor that she felt his absence the strongest. 
In the beginning she loathed him for leaving her. Whenever she cradled their daughter as the hatchling shrieked and protested, blowing flame, and biting for flesh, she loathed him. Whenever she dealt with the Senate or another disaster befalling the Nation, she loathed him. 
But when Meleanor learned to fly, learned to run, and shifted into her two-legged form for the first time, the hatred began to fade. Because although he had vanished into the mists on a voyage destined to fail, he had left her with the greatest treasure she could ever have—and for that alone she could hold no ill will. 
Perhaps this sentimentality is why when Meleanor dragged a thin, sickly-looking bat into the halls of Black Scale, Maleficia heard her out.
“Please let him stay!” The princess had asked, green eyes wide as she grasped her mother’s skirts. “Please, mother!”
The other child had shrunk behind Meleanor, but shadows could not hide the burning defiance in the boy's eyes—a gaze of confrontation, and one that nothing truly innocent should hold. This is why she lacked the heart to say no. She quietly hoped that Lilia, as she would name him, would be the one to slay whatever reaper was following them—that the burning anger she had seen would ignite a fire that would cleanse the family of its suffocating misery. 
With the presence of Meleanor, Lilia, and eventually Levan, the silent table Maleficia had sat at for so long soon became a place of raucous conversation again. Although she found herself scolding the three children more than once (especially Levan for his non-subtle attempts at discarding food), the lingering warmth she would feel as she gazed at the trio made her confident that this family curse was on the bend. 
Naturally, it didn’t last. 
The first time she heard of the Silver Owls, Meleanor was 200 years old and more focused on warding off suitors than an unmarked ship. Maleficia had allowed her daughter to indulge by instead consulting with an advisor alone in the dark of her office. The concern lingering in the advisor's words would grow to haunt her.
“Perhaps it is temporary?” She posited, trying her best to remain optimistic on the matter. Plenty of people came and went from Cape Sunrise. A single unmarked ship with a few scraggly sailor’s was not something she felt the need to stress over. The advisor seemed doubtful on the matter.
“But they have tools. Items designed to dig up our soil,” they had insisted, but Maleficia dismissed the concerns with a wave and a blase response. 
“Let them try. They will not be able to break the first layer of our land.” 
___________________________________
The first one to leave the table had been Levan. There were many soldiers and nobles who vanished before he did but, selfishly, he was the first one that Maleficia really felt the absence of. Levan had grown up from a non-confrontational child to her son-in-law, a general of the princess and a father to the future heir. His compassion had not faded despite the years of war that now tore the Nation apart. Maleficia knew this by the way she came across him one night, cradling his egg so gently while murmuring against its shell. 
When he had noticed her, he had not corrected himself; if anything, he held the egg even closer. They had not exchanged too many words that night, but she sat next to him on the bench in the gardens, the silence speaking volume of her support to his decisions. 
“You will return.” It was not a question—it was a demand. Her voice held the authority of a queen who had seen many, many losses in her long life. Levan had remained silent for a moment longer as his lips brushed against the shell of her grandson's egg. 
“Always,” was the promise he made, and the last words Maleficia heard from him. When they didn’t receive notice for several days after he left, the conclusion was drawn that he was either dead, or the closest one could be to it. Meleanor held herself well in lieu of this information, as had Maleficia. 
But the empty seat felt an ill omen. 
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The next one to leave the table had been Meleanor. When she was younger, she used to rest her head on Maleficia’s lap as her mother had fixed her hair. She would ramble on about her day and what she got up to with the two boys in the nonsensical fashion that many children do. Maleficia had listened with amusement, although her mind had always been half-focused on what she needed to do for her meetings the next day.
The regret of not giving Meleanor her full, undivided attention sunk in deep when she felt her daughter’s magic cut off. The bond in their family was intrinsically woven to allow them to get a sense of whether the other members were still alive. If asked, Maleficia might say it’s something of a dragon trait. Most of the time it served to be a blessing to allow her to know her family is alive and well. 
When it cut off mid-emergency meeting, the abruptness had been so profound that she nearly collapsed then and there. Her breath had hitched, her words stuttering to a stop as she stared wide-eyed at the Senate members surrounding her. At first, she hoped it was simply a fluke—a disruption in the magic—until she didn’t feel it return and the horrible, tar-like panic of a mother when her child goes missing welled up in her heart. She was tearing out of the room before any of the Senate members even had a chance to speak, screaming for her guards and her soldiers to tell her what was going on at Wild Rose. 
Her daughter, who spent her childhood running through the forests and laughing in the face of suitors. Her daughter, whose hair she would braid and then re-braid again when the girl somehow got burs in it. Her daughter, who was set to become a mother herself and experience all the precious moments Maleficia had. 
Her daughter, whose body wasn’t even recovered at the end of it all. 
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The final one to leave the table was Lilia. In wake of the princesses passing, Malleus’ egg was put in the cradle tower, and Maleficia was designated to spirit him into hatching. She felt the faint connection of their magic from within the thick shell that guarded his body. His warmth, the subtle movements he made; they were all indicators that he was still alive and well despite his tumultuous arrival.
But Maleficia didn’t know if he would oblige. Hatchlings often needed the love of both parents to be shepherded forward—and Maleficia, now over eight hundred years old, already felt the strain of her magic from the conflicts going on in her Nation. There was no doubt that she held love for her grandson—but a lingering fear that her love wouldn’t be enough burned in her mind. This is what made her turn to Lilia, to send him on his quest around the world to try and find an additional means to bring the young prince forward.
For the first few decades, it worked well. Maleficia held the egg on a nightly basis and poured as much of her love and magic into it as she could. The egg consumed it all in a greedy fashion, demanding more every time she returned to the tower. One would think that Malleus was starving within by the way he pulled, and tore, and ripped at her powers to fuel his own development. 
Then he ceased feeding. She recalls the first night it happened; everything had been going well, until the connection was suddenly severed, and the green glow within the egg dulled back into a faint tint of color. Maleficia had initially dismissed it as a one-off event. Until it happened again, and again, and again. 
There’s a curious sense of panic that fills someone when they do everything they can to no avail. The panic she felt came in the form of a privatized breakdown in the tower. For many decades now Maleficia had toyed with the possibility of a curse in her mind. Now, she was beginning to consider that it was not her family who was cursed, but rather just herself. 
First it came for her father, and her mother shortly after. Then, when it grew hungry again, it ate through her husband and that of her daughters. Then it came for Meleanor herself, and now whatever reaper followed them was looming over her shoulder as she held Malleus’ egg and begged him to take something. 
Pleas fell from the lips of a monarch as she rocked the egg, stroked its shell so softly, whispering to just eat a little more, just take a little more. But the egg had remained as cold and aloof as it had for several nights now. Her desperation mounted in an order to Baul to summon Lilia back—to slay whatever reaper was following them before it pried the last of her bloodline from her hands. 
Her hopes of his role as the vanquisher of death came in an explosive hatching that she was informed of after it occurred. When she requested for Lilia to be brought to Black Scale to be reinstated in his role in his efforts, the Senate had then informed her that Lilia Vanrouge would never step foot in the capital again.
And so, in a span of mere moments, the final seat was emptied—and Maleficia found herself alone once more. 
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Grandchildren are the best reminders  of the beauty and innocence of childhood.
When Malleus was first brought to her after he hatched, she didn’t want to touch him. The purple hue of his stomach and the way his green gaze darted around, drinking in the new world he emerged to, reminded her so much of Meleanor that she wanted to laugh at the cruel irony. The hurt that smouldered in her heart ignited back into a flame that found her turning a cold shoulder to the hatchling. 
“Go clean him. He has amniotic fluid all over.” She remembers ordering, voice deceptively calm for the turmoil happening within. The wet nurse that was hired obliged as the hatchling shrieked and protested the frequently changing environment around him. His cries made Maleficia clench her jaw tighter as she stared resolutely at the battle plans drawn before her, her hands gripping the table enough to turn her knuckles white. 
A few times she went to him in the beginning. The encounters lasted only as long as Maleficia could tolerate seeing how similar he looked to Meleanor before she would depart and leave him in the care of his wet nurse once more. Guilt fought with anger in her heart about the circumstances that she found herself in and her inability to overcome them. She could feel the ghost of her daughter chastising her in the corner for being so cowardly in her approach. 
The breakthrough arrived when Malleus became ill. Grieves—a fever-like condition that affected fae children in particular—resulted in Maleficia sitting with her grandson one night as the exhausted wet nurse was excused for a long overdue break. She held him on her lap in the dark as his small form fought his fever, whispering how the stars that looked down from above were the eyes of the people who loved him, keeping him safe in this world. Her voice had cracked as she spoke, and it was only when a small whine left him did she realize she was hugging him tight to her body. 
“I am so sorry,” she had choked out, unsure if the apology was for the hold she had or the neglect she had given so far. “Please forgive me.”
Malleus had twisted in her arms, small wings fluttering before he settled himself down and began to doze. He had already forgotten what upset him to begin with. She wished it would always be that way—but she knew that was nothing but a vague hope. 
She loathed Meleanor for leaving. Whenever she cradled Malleus as the hatchling threw his tantrums, blowing flame, and biting for flesh as all children seem to do, she loathed her. Whenever she dealt with another part of the war or signed another treaty alone, she loathed her. 
But when Malleus scrambled onto her lap mid-Senate meeting, chased after courtiers, and flew for the first time (admittedly, into a flock of pigeons), Maleficia loved her. Because although like her father she had vanished in an ill-fated decision, she had left a small reminder that she was never truly gone. Maleficia could comfort Malleus, could see the ghost of his mother in his clever little eyes, and for that alone she could hold no ill will. 
Meleanor’s death had proved to be far worse than anything else—but her gift of the small dragon in her lap felt like the first steps towards recovery again. So, she had kissed between his horns that night and promised to herself that she would do all that she could to give him a future free of the misery that plagued their family thus far. 
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In the aftermath, she spent time with him whenever she could. Via dinners, via having him sit in on meetings, via walks in the gardens—whenever she could, she would be there. However, despite her newfound presence changing some things for the better, she remained unable to quell the curiosity that burned in her grandson's mind. 
She found him in the mausoleum once. He was standing on the toes of his mother with his small hand touching her stone-carved face. Maleficia had not been to the mausoleum since the boy hatched so many years ago. The raw memories still stirred in her heart and seeing him look up at his mother with such a gaze of innocent adoration did nothing but unsettle her more. 
When he noticed her, his face had lit up into a smile as he hopped back down and pointed up to one of the other statues. “This is grandfather?” 
Maleficia’s gaze slid to where he was pointing. A strong jaw, a dangerous glint in stone-etched eyes, and a faint smirk painted the picture of the man she had once loved and held so dearly many years ago. Maleficia nodded. Malleus, taking this as encouragement, then ran back to the other statue he had been touching with his small hands. 
“And this is mother?” 
Again, Maleficia nodded. The painful similarities between Malleus and his mother were more apparent when they were side to side. If Maleficia were to squint, she could mistake Malleus as a younger Meleanor: the same horns, same hair length, even the same streak of mischief that got both into so much trouble. 
Malleus had hummed thoughtfully before stepping down again. “Do you miss them?” 
A deceptively innocent question. Of course she missed them. All she had left of her family was one grandson and three empty coffins: a husband at sea, a daughter in the hands of humans, and a son-in-law somewhere in the moors. “I do,” she offered back. “I miss them greatly.” 
Malleus had asked her why, then. Children like him were filled with innocence and wonder about the world. He had no knowledge of the bodies that were lost, or the tragedies that had predicated his birth. Her reply did nothing but fuel an unease in the boy, for moments after she offered it, he ran back to her and threw his small arms around her waist.
When he hugged her, he clung with a ferocity that was baffling for his size. Her hands rested on his head and stroked his hair soothingly as she had done with Meleanor many times before she guided him away from the tombs and the memory of family he never met.
She should visit them more often now. 
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She rediscovers that there’s a privilege in watching someone grow. Lilia’s gradual return into their lives helps ease the stress of raising a child again in her older age, which is partially why she turns a blind eye every time Malleus slips out of the palace to visit the man. She’s honoured to observe in a more passive manner the way her grandson changes and grows as a person. She watches him go from spiteful towards humans to more amiable with the arrival of Lilia’s adopted son. As he grows before her eyes, she begins to see less of Meleanor and Levan in his features and more of just Malleus—the quiet, albeit arrogant, boy that was hers. 
Time goes by faster as she ages alongside him. One moment he’s clinging to her skirts, and the next he’s off to NRC, and then finally, 178 years have passed like the blink of an eye. She used to bemoan how slow time was—and now she wishes it to ease off a bit.
She’s sitting in the gazebo in the gardens for reprieve, a novel in hand as the screaming of insects choruses a song for her amusement. The aroma of flowers surrounds her and for a moment she feels utter peace in the world. The summer is ending and there are no celebrations or events to concern herself with. For the first time in what feels like eons, Maleficia Draconia can breathe. 
The sound of someone approaching puts a pause in this. 
She lowers her book to peer over at whoever is coming, hoping silently it isn’t an advisor or a courtier seeking out an audience on the sly. Fortunately, the sight of two horns and a scowling face turning the corner nullifies this as she turns back to her book. 
“Finally decided to see the sun?” She muses as she hears him stepping onto the gazebo platform. She waits for his response, but only comes to feel surprised when Malleus kneels by where she sits and does something that he hasn’t done in a long time now—he places his head in her lap. At his age, his body is too tall now to really kneel efficiently at her side, but by the gods does the boy try as he hits his head right down. Her hand comes up on instinct to brush strands of his dark hair behind his ear as he looks over the gardens, his shoulders tense with stress. 
They’re silent for a moment, listening to the sounds of screaming insects from beyond before Malleus speaks.
“The gardens look atrocious.”
Maleficia raises an eyebrow as she lowers her book to look at where he’s staring. Her hand continues to stroke his head soothingly as she huffs a soft laugh. “Our groundskeepers are going for a more ‘untamed’ look this season.”
“I have counted twenty-six thistles in the minute I have been here.” Malleus shoots back as his hand comes to rest by his face. “It’s late in the season. They might be growing lazy.”
 “Nonsense. You know how hard working they are. You spent ample amounts of time with them when you were younger.” She fails to hide the smile teasing on her lips with this comment. Malleus’ temper tantrums had landed him in more than enough problems in his youth. Problems which were often rectified by a gentle lesson of how hard it is to fix up his messes—garden destruction included. 
Malleus deigns her with a unprincely snort in response. They fall back into a warm silence as she keeps her hand on his head and returns her attention to her book. She knows that something is on his mind, but she retains her silence both to give him an opportunity to speak, and to enjoy the moment that they’re having. In the privacy of the garden, they can get away with this rare display of familial affection. 
She feels him sigh as his eyes flutter close before he speaks up. “Do you ever feel… unease?” 
“Unease?” She hums quietly as she turns a page. “On many occasions I have, yes. Unease tends to go hand in hand with some of the things I have dealt with.” 
She knows he doesn’t mean in the sense of his royal duties. Malleus is an unusually quiet and introverted boy—but she had noticed him being more so the past week as summer began to inch towards its end. He opens his eyes and sighs again before withdrawing to sit back on his knees. 
Maleficia wisely closes her book and sets it down before affixing him with as stern of a look as she can muster without chuckling. “Sighing and moping in the corners does little to aid me in providing advice.” 
Malleus’ gaze goes upwards to stare at the ceiling of the gazebo before his expression drops to a pout. “I am feeling reluctant to return to NRC.”
“Oh? And why is that?” 
Maleficia quietly reaches her hand out to brush his bangs back from his forehead, revealing the scale pattern beneath. Malleus’ eyes flutter shut at the gesture as his pout remains present.
“Three years have passed now, and I have yet to feel included in the school environment. Spending my days with those I already know from here hardly feels like an efficient use of time.” His jaw clenches. “Every effort I make to form any sort of connection to others feels like it’s a pointless endeavour at this rate.”
“Malleus, you must be patient with these things. It takes time for people to warm up to the likes of us. You must simply continue being yourself, and the right people will make the effort to get to know you. I understand it may seem upsetting right now, but you must simply keep trying your best.” A faint smile touches her lips despite the worry gnawing at her heart. She wishes she could do more, but she also understands that these are things he must figure out himself. “You’re going to this school to gain new experiences and see the world beyond our little Valley without the Senate looming over you. Things will work out in the end.” 
Malleus’ body seems to relax at her words as he opens his eyes again. His expression eases to his usual neutral look as he nods slightly. “... yes, I suppose you are correct.”
“I often am.” She pinches his cheek lightly, causing the scowl to immediately return to his face as he jerks to avoid her grasp, making her laugh in turn. “Besides, are you not excited to see Lilia, Silver, and Sebek more often again? Well. More often than you do already.”
A pointed look has him averting her gaze as she picks her book up again. His demeanour reminds her of Meleanor, but the similarities no longer ache when she considers them. This was Malleus—her grandson, not his mother, nor his father—and she was eager to see the person he was still destined to become. “Now, you should be packing, should you not? We don’t need the crisis we had last year where we were all hunting down books for you last minute.” 
Malleus groans softly before rising to his feet and brushing his pants off. He presses a brief kiss to her forehead, coaxing another smile from her lips before he pulls away. 
“Yes, grandmother,” he grumbles with all the moodiness of an embarrassed teenage boy, and Maleficia can’t help but feel happiness at seeing it. Cursed or not, she will continue to enjoy these moments of joy as long as she may have them.
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bokutosbabe · 1 year
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Hello! I hope you are doing as good as Karl's spoiled raccoon life!
Anyhow, I low-key just found out that having kids of my own most likely won't be an option for me. Am high-key bummed out so, I was wondering if you could do head cannons of the BSD men reacting to fertility issues?
If not that's okay! Thank you for your time anyways! 😊
AHHHH TY TY IM DOIN GREAT SORRY FOR NOT SEEING THIS SOONER BUT OF COURSE 🫶🏼 HOPE YOU GET A MIRACLE AND GET URSELF A BABY💜💜 sending baby dust your way✨✨
BSD Men reacting to fertility issues headcanons!
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a/n – there was no specific characters you asked for but feel free to comment/ask if you (or anyone else) want this with other characters!!
content – TW!! mentions of infertility, sensitive topic talked about, reader is afab, fem reader, fem bodied reader,, fluff, SPOILERS for tachihara, tachihara calls reader “baby girl”, akutagawa calls reader “dear”/“my dear”, dazai calls reader “belladonna”/“bella” ,i think that’s it lmk if i missed anything!
synopsis – tachihara, akutagawa, and dazai reacting to reader having fertility issues!
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tachihara
tachihara lost his brother young, so he never really got to experience the big brother type of love
so he’d always wanted have kids!
and when he met you?
the woman of his dreams?
oh he thought he’d have his whole life planned out.
he’d leave the port mafia as an undercover agent
go back to being a hunting dog
get his monthly surgeries to stay alive
and finally get the life he’d always wanted
with the love of his life🫶🏼
and even before he’d been able to leave the pm
you two had tried
and tried
and tried
and when nothing happened no matter how many times you guys tried?
you both decided to go to a fertility doctor
and learned that you, the love of his life, was infertile.
tachihara felt his heart break
but not for him.
no, he felt his heart break for you.
the woman who’d been so happy to try over and over again with him for a child
the woman who’d sat beside him when given the news and even if you didn’t cry, he’d heard the sharp inhale from you
even on the car ride home, he’d began to think about what you were thinking about.
and later when the two of you got home to your shared apartment, you’d immediately ran off to your shared room and he let you
he knew you needed time to process, so he started working on dinner
he made the only thing he really knew how to make; spaghetti
maybe it wasn’t going to be good, but he didn’t want to subject you to cooking or the take out food you were definitely thinking about if it added to your condition.
he’d walked into your room with the dinner in his hand and found you curled up in a ball in the middle of the bed
even if he didn’t hear you crying, he heard your sniffles and saw your shaking shoulders
he immediately put the two plates down on a dresser
he laid down behind you, wrapping his arms around you in a spooning position
“it’s okay, baby girl, don’t cry.” he cooed toward you. maybe he wasn’t a good person outside of this home, but when he was with you it was like he was that one puppy at the pound that wouldn’t jump up at any person that walked in– until it came to you. you brought the light into his life, and even if the two of you most likely couldn’t have children, you two could keep trying. if it never happened for the two of you, there was children in this world that needed to be adopted– he’d seen how orphans getting taken into big mafia groups, and he would hate for that to be any child. “i can’t give you that big family, michi-”the affectionate nickname rolled off your tongue with a heavy heart. you’d always dreamed of that with him, and now because of you (in your mind),the two of you couldn’t have that. “no, baby girl, it’s not your fault. now we can choose our own family♡”
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akutagawa
ryunosuke akutagawa never envisioned kids in his life
before the port mafia, he thought he was simply going to die young due to his disease(cries in chapter 88)
and then he’d met you; a woman so beautiful that not even the feared diablo could hide his affections for you.
but even when the two of you started talking about being in a relationship; kids never came up
he never wanted any and he thought you wanted the same
and you had!
kids was never something you had wanted much in life either.
until, you had a pregnancy scare.
but it wasn’t actually scary for you,
you felt this rush of happiness and that’s when you realized what you wanted in life
to be a mother.
you already had the maternal feeling that most mothers didn’t get until they’d had a kid
you were empathetic
you knew how to calm akutagawa down even when no one else could
it was like you were born to be a mother
so you told ryunosuke your new found passion,
and i admit; he was a little taken aback by this sudden change in your attitude
but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t try with you.
“if it happens it happens.” that was your motto to each other.
but then it…didn’t happen
and it never happened.
you didn’t tell akutagawa, but you were upset
how were you supposed to tell him? he didn’t want children much!
so you secretly went to a fertility doctor
you didn’t bother asking akutagawa to come along, he’d either be noticed from his constant being on the news or catch someone staring too hard and rashomon would cause yet another death
but maybe you should’ve risked it because no one should’ve had to hear what you heard while alone
“i’m sorry ms y/n, but you seem to have some fertility issues. there seems to be an ovulatory disease that you have…”
the rest of the doctors words just droned on, but you couldn’t hear anything
it was like you had become the victim of a cruel prank by fate
the one thing you had slowly come to accept that you wanted - was ripped away before you could even grasp the idea of it
you couldn’t even go into work after the news was given to you, you sat at home waiting for akutagawa to get home
but how were you supposed to tell him? just blurt out you couldn’t make him a dad?
you decided to hold off on telling him, but your boyfriend wasn’t stupid
when he came home and you weren’t immediately jumping at the chance to talk about what the two of you did today he knew something was wrong
“ my dear, what’s wrong? ” akutagawa asked as he leaned himself on the door of your shared bedroom. usually when he stepped into your shared apartment he was met with the brightest toothiest grin from you, one of his favorite parts of the day, so when you didn’t greet him at the door he knew something was up. he walked into the room the two of you shared to find you curled up into yourself, visible tears that had dried on your perfect face. “ ‘m broken , ryu…”you sobbed out, causing the usually cold and stoic male to break the mask he’d worn all day while at work. “ what? dear, you’re not broken. ” he said simply, walking over to the bed and sitting beside you, rubbing your back. “ tell me what’s wrong, dear, please? ” he sounded so desperate to help you feel better about yourself. “ i cant have kids, ryu, i’m broken. ” your voice cracked as you looked back at him, mascara smeared off of your eyes and onto your under eyes. “ doctors said i cant have babies…” you hiccuped as he had to sit and process the words you said. “ oh my dear, it’s okay, we already have a family. the mafias our family.” he said softly as he laid down beside you, allowing you to crawl up into his arms. he quietly shushed you as he rocked you to sleep. even if you couldn’t make your own family, akutagawa would love you either way.
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dazai
dazai and his weird obsession with finding a beautiful woman to commit with was what led him to you.
you had been a new hire in a bar that he’d liked to frequent after spending hours at work
when you came up to him to see if he was just going to stare at you or get a drink , he’d taken the leap
he immediately grabbed your hands, eyes sparkling as he looked up at you
“ would you like to commit a double suicide with me? ”
you were on the verge of tears because of how stressed you were from the other patrons, so laughing at this silly man made you feel much better
his face fell as he looked at you, but your laugh was just so enchanting
“ my belladonna…would you not like to commit with me ? ”
and that’s how you ended up in this now two year long relationship with osamu dazai
over the past two years you’d moved in with osamu and switched your job from bartending to work in the cafe below the armed detective agency.
you’d seen many kids come in and out with their parents during your shifts
and they’d never really made you feel anything…until recently.
everytime you saw a child come in with their family it made your chest feel strangely tight and achey
and then you realized, that you really really wanted kids
ones that looked like dazai and didn’t have his personality, preferably.
and when you brought it up to him, he just teased you-
“ my bella, you just want what leads to the babies, don’t you? you shouldn’t have to even ask for that.”
it doesn’t get through his thick skull that you really do want kids until you just straight up tell him
“ osamu, i want kids. bad. ”
and for a man so smart, he sounded so dumb
blabbing on and on about how you’d look so pretty pregnant, but with a suicidal fool like his child? he couldn’t imagine it!
but wouldn’t osamu be mean if he didn’t give his cute little girlfriend what she wanted 🫶🏼
so you tried for months and months to get pregnant
and it just never happened for you
you decided that maybe the two of you had some other factor leading to the constant negative pregnancy tests
so you both went to the doctor and had check ups on your sexual health along with dazais sperm counted and your uterus checked to see if something was wrong
the two of you were even joking around about not being able to have kids and how silly that sounded
oh how you wished you could take it all back
the doctor came back and gave the news quite swiftly
“ i’m afraid miss y/n has a factor we have yet to determine that causes her chances of successfully carrying a child to significantly drop. i’m so sorry. ”
you tried your best to seem stoic and unwavering, but your vision clouded even more by every second.
the doctor left to give you two some time together.
and that’s when the real tears came
“ oh, my bella…”dazai frowned as he looked at you, trying to hide your glassy eyes and quivering lips. he wasn’t dumb, he knew how you were- so brave and so strong trying to keep your composure. the male wrapped his bandaged arms around your body. and that’s when the tears finally came flowing out, your whole body shaking as you clung to the man you so desperately wanted children with. “i’m useless , ‘samu.” you cried into your lovers arms. “i can’t even do the one thing women are supposed to do!” the male rubbed your back, trying to console you, but how could he? the dream that had just started to grow in your mind had been crushed with one simple dream. “no, no , you’re not useless. you’re the farthest from useless.”he cooed into your hair, one hair rubbing your back continuously while the other was holding the back of your head. “ we’ll grow our own family, my belladonna. i promise you. ” and dazai osamu was a man of his word.
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i really didn’t know much about infertility so i did some research, and i know it’s not the deepest dive into it; but i hope i did it justice!
if anyone would like a part 2 with other characters feel free to request it or just comment!
likes, comments, and reblogs are greatly appreciated ;3
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warmilksz · 1 year
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Intuitive ✨ Reading
12
34
Hello everyone, it's been a while since I've posted. Sorry 😭, life got ahead of me and had no time I hope your all doing well! (⁠っ⁠˘⁠з⁠(⁠˘⁠⌣⁠˘⁠ ⁠)
**just a disclaimer: take what resonates and leave what doesn't for others. Go with the flowwwww It's a general intuition reading (⁠~⁠ ̄⁠³⁠ ̄⁠)⁠~**
In any case, I hope you have a bit of fun reading ! 🥰
Center yourself if needed and go with what resonates to you.
For this pile I'm getting this person enjoys spending time with you. I think you both could be good friends or at least familiar/acquaintances with eachother. In general they are pretty calm and chill when they are spending time with you and appreciate how relaxed you make them feel. Like Netflix and chill but you guys actually get to watch the show and chill lol. Hmm... But It seems like they may be hiding some thoughts and/or feelings. You might find them kind of dry at times, like u ask a deep question but they hit you with a "yeah/ok" (uh...Do you find them boring 💀?)but it's not because they don't like your company. It feels like they have something they want to tell you but they are afraid it might hurt your feelings and they don't want to do that to you. For some, you and this person have had some conflicts in the past, and now are on good terms but they are still feeling unsure how to face them with you... On the other hand this person could be developing feelings for you and it's shaking them up. Either way they don't want you to see them shook so they are doing their best to keep the vibe easy and relaxing for you, even if they have to suppress their feelings a bit. Don't worry though, they are working on their feelings and how to express this! And keep in mind your feelings matter as well 💞!
For this pile, your person is really happy when they spend time with you. You may know this person or have spent time with them recently. Deep down inside, they were so happy to see you last time. (i feel like I got a pep in my step rn! ☺️ ) It's funny but I get the image of a fluffy puppy in ur lap, wagging its tail rapidly and you just petting them casually as they snuggle into you 🐶. You light up their darkness, all the bad energy and stress in their lives evaporates when they are with you. It's like you are their angel, and they know how lucky they are to feel this...(Are you or this person religious?) For some, this person has pure romantic feelings or at the very least, loves/cares about you alot. This is a person that enjoys their time with you and is so grateful for it. Even if some of you don't feel as excited as they do, it won't phase them. You guys could plan to spend time together, nothing could go according to plan and they would leave smiling just because they got to be alone with your presence lol. They feel blessed and thankful to be with you.. your body and heart...with you it's pure bliss. this is a extra message but they want more of you.. Im getting the song "One Kiss" from Dua lipa and Calvin Harris. It's ok if u don't know the song. Just know that if they could get "one kiss" from you, they will be satisfied for life lol (this person could go on and on but let me stop 😭 🫣 )
This person doesn't want to say how they feel for some reason but regardless they are strong willed. This person feels strong when they are with you, and they are willing to fight for this feeling between the both of you(yeah! 💪 Lol). I think this person when they are not around you can feel a bit sad, or their thoughts get to them, making it hard for them to deal with alone. You could be the kind of person that cares and gives great advice to people when they are going through things. And this person recognizes this about you. Kinda like a Gardner 🧤 and a flower 🌹. Your personality gives them the water to grow and feel...refreshed! On that note, you could be something of a cheerleader to this person. (Idk what you saying to this person but you are hyping them up 💪😭) yeah you really make this person feel like Hercules 😭. Wow pile 3 . They could be a couch potato, get a pep talk from you then slay a dragon or fly to the moon🤩. Perhaps your words have this effect because they care alot about you and love you. For some, this love is what they were hesitant about admitting. They don't want to appear vulnerable, could be one of the things they struggle with. In any case, they will definitely get better with you around ! Make sure u gas yourself up first pile 3! Y'know what they say- Can't pour from an empty 🫗 cup.❤️
Alright, this person likes your whole asthethic, the way you could talk, walk and dress. In other words, they think your really cute (😋aww ur a fashionista?). For some, they even daydream about you wearing something cute and them getting the chance to see you in it and be in your presence. You are really admirable to this person, they could watch you be yourself all day and they wouldn't say anything(a bit similar to pile 2 so check that out if u feel drawn.) You doing basic tasks like doing laundry seems like great entertainment for them lol. You think you're just being yourself but they see someone breathtaking. Though, a part of this person can't believe they are feeling this way about you. Don't worry, it's not them thinking you aren't mesmerizing. They are just shocked. They never expected to find someone that could captivate them so much in the way you have. Especially since you do things and dress in ways that is normal and routine for you. This person feels like they are being swept up by their feelings for you and you don't even realize it. This sounds confusing but they don't want want to look at you but then they want to watch? (Do you know u got them wanting like this ?😭🫣) it's driving them kinda crazy lol They just cant help but have this kind of wonder and respect for you. For some you recently met this person and others will meet them soon. 🌹
Thank you for reading 🙏😊
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thatdeadaquarius · 2 years
Note
after scrolling through your posts i felt complelled to send an ask (i wonder why)
This kinda? relates to all the languages posts you've been making (was giggling and kicking my feet while reading them, and got inspired) but because I only speak English, I wanted to put a twist on it.
Creator who has audio processing issues and doesn't realise that Teyvat DOES actually speak the same language as them for a good while.
Because as a person with very good hearing, i sure don't fucking understand what people are saying most of the time, especially in big crowds. (its like listening to the sims sometimes man, i'm fighting for my life trying to understand😭)
So imagine a Creator getting dropped into Teyvat and getting found by a group of hunters or treasure horders, who instantly start panicking and talking all at once because 'omg our god is here' and all that.
And the Creator is still confused and diorientated, so all they're hearing is ✨words✨and they just assume that no one in Teyvat will understand them.
And then when they arrive in one of the nations and get to meet the vision bearers for the first time, the Creator makes a thirsty comment about one of them (probably would be Diluc in my case) and the entire crowd just goes SILENT.
So silent that the Creator can perfectlly understand what that vision bearer said in response.
Anyway, i love your blog :) not sure when you're going to get this, time zones are funny, but I hope you like it
Giggling and kicking?? Over my stuff??? 🥺🥺🥺💘💘💘 You sneaky little charmer ✨️
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ALSO
AUDIO PROCESSING DISORDER ASK!!!!?????!!!!
:D
IM IN THE MIDDLE OF TRYING TO GET ADHD DIAGNOSIS AND GOT AN APD TEST NOT TOO LONG AGO BC THOUGHT I HAD IT!!
FRIENDO!! THIS IS INCREDIBLE!!! ✨️✨️✨️🌸🌸🌸
Have a cookie!! 🤲🍪 tysm for the ask im very very happy to see it!! :D!!
(subliminalmessagingyouwillgoclicktheaskbuttonandsendmeanasksubliminalmessaging)
AHFJDLLAHFAAJSK!! LOSING IT OVER THIS!!
(Me from the future editing: Sorry i wrote an entire sloppy written scenario over this its diluc focused, jfc sorry and i hope u get smth outta it 💀)
Oh good lord you being some kind of Creator god after getting sucked into the goddmn video game world is absolute HELL for your APD
Aint nobody tellin u nothing bc i can totally see that scenario happening bc everyone is like blabbering at you constantly, they all wanna get close to you to talk so its just [insert that general cafe crowd noises here]
Like u wish u had lofi to go with it bc u sure as hell cant get a word in edgewise
I know i keep writing abt Mondstadt, mostly bc first city -> intro to game -> therefore you land there
But i promise ill branch out guys but i got an excuse this time u mentioned Diluc 🔥
Honestly bc u probably arent trying to talk back to them (which they dont rlly know why? Bc they totally have heard ur voice while u were in ur world, when they were ur vessels)
They kinda assumed either A. You lost your voice B. You're overwhelmed, ppl r getting WAY too close to you, back off Npcs C. Or you don't speak THEIR language
So ofc Mondstadt brings you into the city and their planning a big ol festival, u came right in time for Windblume anyway, and by the time your done shaking hands and just waving and smiling (bc what else can u do u cant hear these fuckers, maybe u caught a "the" or a "hello" but you could've definitely been imagining it)
And finally you are free of the general crowd, but most of the Vision bearers (Allogenes) who were ur vessels wanna stick around, so u all end up in Angel's Share somehow
It's hella packed, and it's a bar.
So yeah u still can't hear shit, and now it just sounds like one of those fantasy medieval bar audios ambience videos
Ur just kinda kicking ur feetsies on a bar stool while like,, 4 or 5 differrent special character dishes are sitting in front of you
Diluc's behind the bar, and has been so sweetly attentive to you all evening, no matter how many tipsy patrons come up yelling for refills or drinks (or at least thats what u assume, bc u kinda end up just,, jumping and hitching ur shoulders up and trying to be lowkey about covering ur ears...)
He always comes and refills ur glass when it gets to even half-full, swiping away plates that have gone cold, and if you still want smth off of it, he's so perceptive no language needed bc he just sees your face and starts heating up the plate again with his vision with his hand :)
He's actually been the best thruout all this bc he already isn't super talkative, so ur pretty sure you've only seen his mouth open a few times, but otherwise u just communicated with him via actions/expressions
So ur chilling, well sorta, ur starting to kinda get overstimulated by the day and now this loud ass bar, and the fact that ur convinced no one speaks English here...
But hey!
Diluc's cool, u got food, and maybe u can charade to him u wanna find somewhere to retire to now for the night,,
You try and do that but he's pretty busy running around still,
"Damn, at least I get to see his ass though."
.
..
...
Diluc freezes.
You freeze.
Jean, Lisa, Venti, Amber, Kaeya, Rosaria freezes.
The whole bar goes silent.
Their god of gods finally spoke.
Oh they can understand you alright. (Also u were looking right at Diluc when you said it so, kinda obvious who u mean, somebody points to you behind Diluc)
Diluc just kinda,, sputters, like jerkily turns around and everything like a fried robot
"I- ahem- I- um- y-your Grace- I-"
Poor guy.
He doesn't even know what to say 🤷‍♂️
He has been progressively getting closer and closer to his hair color, his cheeks, his neck, his ears its a full white boy flush he cant escape its so obvious (should he say thank you? How do u even begin to thank a god for complimenting ur ass??!!)
He's caught between facing you and turning around and ducking back into the kitchen and never coming out again (unless it's just you two)
...Was it always this hot in here? Or did Diluc do this to you? 😵‍💫
(Well at least it's a lot quieter now)
You take the next logical step in this situation, and gently let your head thud into the bar.
...
It's a tie between Venti and Kaeya who busts out laughing first.
CHRIST ALMIGHTY IM SO SORRY THIS IS SO LONG I HOPE TUMBLR MAKES IT "READ MORE" BC I CANT FIND THAT OPTION ON MOBILE
IF U KNOW WHERE THAT BUTTON IS PLS LET A BITCH KNO 😭😩
UPDATE I FIGURED IT OUT FUCK YEAH
Cheers,
🌒🌊🌧Aquarius♒️🌌🌘
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dansevilpianotea · 4 months
Note
what are some phancoded songs?
hiiii omg thanks for the ask!! i absolutely love talking about songs i associate with my interests!! (autism has been activated to the highest degree so this will be a long post, you have been warned)
here are some of what i think are classic dnp coded songs:
Guys by The 1975 (i see this as more about the phandom than about dnp tbh but its very very dnp coded no matter how you interpret it) That's So Us by Allie X Still into You by Paramore The Only Exception by Paramore
i have a whole ass 100 song long playlist about dnp but let me give you my favourites that aren't the usual classics:
Eighteen by Pale Waves
This city depresses me But you try to be everything I need We sat on the corner kissing each other Felt like I could finally see in colour I was 18 when I met you Poured my heart out, spilt all my truth I finally felt like I could feel for the first time When I met you
i mean????? thats 2009 dan and phil????? dip and pip??? hello!!??
also fun fact!!: this band is from manchester and this song was written by their non-binary drummer and lesbian lead singer (who lowkey gives lesbian version of dan). you should rlly listen to pale waves. idek if theyve heard of dnp but theyre true phannies to me.
Starlight by Muse
this song, man. never heard of muse until i got into dnp and then i this song was the first one is listened to.
Hold you in my arms I just wanted to hold You in my arms
i feel like it says sth about the expectations of being in a relationship while also presenting yourself on a massive public platform. wanting to be authentic and produce content^tm vs. being closeted and wanting to protect your relationship. 'I will be chasing a starlight, Until the end of my life, I don't know if it's worth it anymore'. Is worth it to constantly push the content out while feeling like a fraud for being inauthentic about your identity? 'And our hopes and expectations, Black holes and revelations'. the future may seem very dark and hopeless sometimes, it may not turn out how we expect or hope, but only once we face instead of fight it (embrace the void etc) we will forgive our past selves and see that the future really is bright. so yes, very dnp coded.
Anniversary by Autoheart
Years of nothing have subsided We have fixed each other up Giving you up? What are you on about? I'll never give up believing in us Giving you up? Now why would I do a thing like that? No I’m not giving you up, no way I will never stop when it comes to you
this song is not only dnp coded (kind of an october 19th theme song) but also has gained a new meaning since the return of dnp games <3. they didnt give up on us. they came back. and we really helped each other get here <3. think about it like that when listening and i guarantee you will be sobbing. the song also has some marriage themes bc theres wedding vows during the bridge so i will just let you live with that <33
Where the Lines Overlap by Paramore
Tracing patterns across a personal map And making pictures where the lines overlap No one is as lucky as us We're not at the end but oh, we already won Call me over And tell me how Well, you got so far Never making a single sound I'm not used to it But I can learn
we werent ready for their comeback / we're still learning to get used to it / just look at them / boiling frog theory / hard phaunch / do i need to say more
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Yellow by Coldplay
this song became part of my playlist when phil didnt know a single coldplay song. unfortunately i cant take it serious anymore after dan was turned into a golden pig, then was literally glowing golden during a book event all while #pissyourself4dan was trending and every phannie on twt made their pfps yellow. i will curse your mind to with the lyrics and mental imagery: (im sorry but im also not bc this is how my autism thinks humour works)
Look at the stars Look how they shine for you And everything you do Yeah, they were all yellow ✨✨ Your skin, oh yeah, your skin and bones Turn into something beautiful ✨✨✨ And you know, you know I love you so 💛
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✨✨✨
(im sorry again)
Safe & Sound by Tonight Alive
Dan in BIG: "for the first time since I was a tiny child I actually felt safe."
Nothing compares to what we share I don't have a care in the world Cause even if it all came crashing down, As long as you're around, I'll be safe and sound. 🧡
ending it with a nice one because its beautiful and sappy and its so them afterall. they really won rpf.
thank you for this ask, i enjoyed answering it!! (im sorry for taking so long. im on day 11 of a cold so ive not had much energy.)
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honeytonedhottie · 8 months
Text
how to deal with mean girls ⋆.ೃ࿔*:・🧘🏽‍♀️
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im making this post bcuz the world AND high school is filled with mean ppl, and this post just serves as some reminders to not let anyone disrupt ur peace bcuz mean is ugly.
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SHOW AND HAVE NO FEAR - okay, let's be critical for just a moment. anyone talking shit about u or hating on u in general, they literally do not MATTER. literally who even are they? take them off of the pedestal and realize that they are just like everybody else.
take a step back and realize that someone talking badly about u says more about themselves than it says about you. and someone's "beef" with u has nothing to do with u actually.
someone who is achieving what they want in life and someone who's genuinely glowing and happy won't go out of their way to talk badly about someone. them doing so only proves that they're unhappy with themselves. only a bummy person would do that.
DONT BE STUPID - please please please dont try and "be nice" to them. if ur gonna be nice to someone who's being nasty to you, they're just gonna use that to perpetuate their hurtful actions.
DONT BE A DOORMAT - if they're glancing at u from across the room, and trying to intimidate you, GLANCE AT THEM BACK. im not gonna say "match their energy" bcuz thats not the message i want to convey to you guys. im not telling u to be nasty or spread rumors back or be rude, but dont let urself get walked all over.
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CHANGE HOW U SEE THEM - this ties in with my first point which was that the ppl hating on u are like everyone else. but something that helps me deal with mean girls is just to think of them like they're some kind of idiot. that way im not gonna get triggered or mad when they act like an idiot yk? and another thing, when ur name is always in other ppl's mouths, that makes them a fan, not a hater.
WHY DO PPL HATE - people can hate for so many different reasons but one that i've noticed a lot is that the ppl who hate on u are genuinely unhappy with themselves and not at peace. also, people who hate on you can hate out of JEALOUSY or simply because they're crappy ppl. whatever their reason is, its none of ur business
PROTECTING UR PEACE - get ur mind off of it if its a lot for u and do something else ✨ pour ur energy -> into something else. do a face mask, do some journalling, paint ur nails. dont waste energy and thought on something unfavorable.
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