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whumpshaped · 1 year

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Memories 1: Disdain

Silence Masterlist

trigger warnings: institutionalised/normalised pet whump, it/its used as the default for pets, captivity, victim blaming, conditioning, manipulation, implied torture, past trauma, broken bones, dehumanisation

Sil was lying on the floor of the surprisingly nice basement. Of course, it hadn’t been ecstatic when Master told it that this was where it would spend the next several years of its life, regardless of its behaviour. It was better than nothing, certainly better than what it had expected, but the start was still a little rocky.

There were no windows, no sunlight to get inside. There was a little lamp in the corner of the room, only turning on half the time with the flip of its switch. Sil didn’t know whether the other times Master had done something to disable it and further plague its life, or whether it was simply old and not working properly. It didn’t really matter at the end of the day.

Its pet bed was thrown down the stairs after it - after its own body had been roughly shoved down the steps, resulting in at least one broken rib and a seemingly fractured ankle. Its shoulder had seen better days as well, but the pain was nothing compared to its swollen, throbbing leg. It was agony, every single second was more painful than the last, and it couldn’t walk anywhere. It had brought the pet bed over to where the little lamp was in an attempt to find some comfort in the dim lighting, only for the lamp to randomly turn off just as it had finally settled down in a position that wasn’t so unbearably painful.

There were some toys as well, broken ones like itself. Some dolls with missing limbs, puzzles with torn up pieces, picture books with the pages scribbled on. Sil didn’t touch them. Surely, they weren’t for it. Maybe Master had forgotten that he had been using the basement as his personal garbage disposal, and he was eventually going to come and get all of them to take them to an actual dumpster. It didn’t want to anger him by touching something that was meant to be thrown away.

It was odd to be so focused on a single goal. Something so unattainable at that. Master was always angry whenever it saw him. It was maddening to be so hypervigilant about someone else’s anger when its own had never been taken into consideration. Its anger had never fazed Master, yet it was being taught to fear the slightest signs of his annoyance.

The medicine tasted ghastly. Sil hated every single pill, and every time the bitter exterior touched its tongue it wanted to gag. It never hesitated, though, and never gave in to that urge. It swallowed every last one that it had been given, wallowing in helplessness for the night that followed and waking up with less and less memories of its life before. It had never been given medication for the pain, and the more it had to endure the amnesia pills, the more grateful it felt for that. It didn’t think it would be able to swallow a single other pill aside from the mandatory ones.

Its body slowly mended itself, as much as it had been allowed to. The pain of dragging itself over to the bathroom to take a shower whenever Master got tired of touching its grimy skin faded. Well, that might’ve been a bit of an exaggeration on its part. Master didn’t touch its skin. He never had. He wore gloves to avoid any physical contact, and he used canes and whips to inflict the kind of pain that would make him feel better in the end. Maybe it was just the sight of an unkempt pet in his pristine home that sent him over the edge, yelling at Sil to use the damn shower it had been provided.

Ungrateful, unruly, disgusting pet. Useless. Can’t even clean itself, can’t even do that one single thing so its owner wouldn’t have to look at something so unsightly.

But why would it? Sil was hidden. Sil had been hidden by the very master that now demanded it acted like it was being on display. The same master that had pushed it down the stairs, making it hard to even stand, that had shoved it inside a windowless room with a bathroom barely big enough to fit the shower, was now telling it to get up and get to work on its appearance when it didn’t fucking matter.

Sil lay on the floor of that room, fiddling with the wire of the little lamp. These were dangerous thoughts to have, the ones that criticised him, dissected his irrational behaviour, the ones that outright whispered he shouldn’t walk the same earth as everyone else. They fuelled its anger, and anger wasn’t an emotion associated with any good pet. But Sil wasn’t a good pet. Sil was an ungrateful, unruly, disgusting pet, hidden from the world, the sun, the people and the other pets. Sil was allowed to feel angry when no one was looking, because most of the time, there was no one looking.

The only pair of eyes on it were Master’s, and Master’s eyes were usually busy surveilling his other pets. The good pets. The ones without broken bones and lash marks on their backs. The presentable ones. The ones that were sometimes tasked with bringing it its lunch, so they came downstairs and laughed at its pitiful predicament - but only until Sil pretended to lunge at them and they ran upstairs, crying like the stupid little prissy, spoiled pets that they were. And then Master came downstairs, and Sil took its punishment with those dead eyes fixed on the wall it was turned towards so Master could tear its back open.

It put down the wire when it heard the basement door open. Heavy, purposeful steps signalled Master’s arrival. He was always angry when he came downstairs, and he never wasted a moment justifying the abuse he was about to inflict upon it. Same as ever, he reached the bottom of the stairs and gestured for Sil to get up and crawl over to the wall. He already had his chosen whip in his hand.

Sil glanced at him briefly before looking back up at the ceiling. It was tired that day, so awfully exhausted. It didn’t even want to think about getting up and moving its body in any way. Besides, its anger overpowered the anxiety that came with being disobedient.

“Come here, mutt.” Its owner was giving it a second chance with the verbal command. He knew that Sil knew damn well what he wanted from it, but still, he was merciful enough to just say it out loud, as a warning.

“I don’t think a disgusting person like you is fit to care for a pet, Master,” it said in response, without even looking at him, fully ignoring the command.

The silence that followed was threatening to suffocate it. It weighed heavy on its chest, making its breaths come shallower and shallower. It expected an instantaneous reaction, Master blowing up and shouting at it to apologise immediately, and when that didn’t happen, it was forced to actually turn its head and look at him to see what was going on. That was the first battle it had lost.

“Good. Now you’re listening,” he said coolly, sending shivers down its spine.

“Master’s voice even echoes in such a small room. It’s impossible not to.” Its own voice got quieter, a little shaky towards the end. That was the second battle it had lost.

“Tell me why you’re insulting your owner.”

Sil could’ve backed down from this third battle. It should’ve. It should’ve told him, ‘I don’t know, I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking’. Crawl over, kiss his shoes, apologise again. It didn’t. “Is the truth insulting to you, Master?”

“It isn’t. I’m wondering why you’re not telling the truth. I’m wondering why you’re resorting to childish insults in an attempt to get under my skin.”

He didn’t move from his place in the middle of the little room. He didn’t make an attempt to drag Sil to its feet or even knees, and he didn’t force it to kneel where he wanted it to kneel. Still, Sil felt that pull in its body, the conditioned response. The right response. It tried to ignore it, but in the end, it justified itself sitting up, figuring it was better to be in a seated position when he inevitably decided to stomp right on over to it and punch it in the face.

In reality, it knew Master wasn’t going to take a single extra step to punish it. He was waiting for Sil to present itself for punishment.

“Do you think this is the way to take care of pets?” it asked, increasingly agitated by his nonchalance and its own sense of helplessness. “Do they teach this somewhere? ‘Grab a whole pack of pets, buy the entire shelter worth, then single out one of them and lock it in a dark basement.’ Do they? Do they say that? Is this the proper way, the right way, the merciful way to take care of me? Do you have cats, Master? Or dogs? Is one of them isolated somewhere?”

“I do think this is the way to take care of you.” He didn’t even hesitate to say it. He didn’t even… try to lie. “My approach to pets is rather individualistic, and your faulty self should be more than happy that I even decided to give you any sort of space in my home.” Sil opened its mouth to argue, but Master went on, silencing it entirely. “I would never treat another pet the way I treat you. I would never raise my hand at a pet who was able to be trained any other way, and who understood a single method other than pure violence. I would never isolate a pet who wasn’t hellbent on wreaking havoc in my home and scaring my good pets. But I don’t expect you to remember any of your previous misbehaviour, of course, or to understand the first thing about me as a person or owner. I don’t, because it’s very clear that you’re incapable of even understanding the simplest of commands. I treat you the way you deserve to be treated, because as an owner, I treat all my pets that way.”

Sil couldn’t respond. It… expected something else. It didn’t know what exactly, but it was different to what it had been given. Master didn’t stumble over his words, he didn’t even really raise his voice. He spoke with such confidence that it was impossible to think he could’ve been wrong. Sil was missing many memories. All of its clear memories were of Master hurting it and the other pets being scared of it, almost nothing from before.

It deserved to be hurt like this? Did anyone deserve to be hurt like this?

The defiance slowly drained from its body as it looked into Master’s unwavering, cold eyes, finding no solace, no sign of him regretting or rethinking any of what had been said.

It deserved to be hurt. It deserved to be locked away and beat on.

It slowly crawled over to where Master wanted it, ruined shoulder aching as it pulled its shirt over its head to present its barely healing back. “I understand, Master.”

“You don’t,” he said with as much disdain as was humanly possible. “But you will.”

taglist: @whumpsday @whump-queen @whump-blog @alexkolax @ha-ha-one @hidden-dreamland @looptheloup @batfacedliar-yetagain @oddsconvert @pinkraindropsfell @project-xiii @whumplr-reader @a-crumb-of-whump @cyborg0109 @dizzyteasroses @the-scrapegoat @whumpinthepot @dustypinetree @dismemberment-on-a-tuesday-night @dokidokisadness

#silence #whump #whump writing #pet whump #captivity #victim blaming #dehumanisation #conditioning #manipulation #implied torture #implied punishment #past trauma #broken bones #ngl i wanted to wait with this until i had another chapter written #but today is a decluttering day and i am decluttering my drafts so here u go lmao

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thelunarsystemwrites · 6 months

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!Vent!

trigger warning, the following content discussion mental illness, trauma, child sexual abuse, swearing, victim blaming, aggressive behaviour. You have been warned.

Honestly I don't know what to be mad at.

Like, I was a kid. Who the fuck does that to a kid? In HIS own damn house! Why did that happen? Because I feel like I deserved it, or like it's my fault? I was a kid, i was old enough to talk and say no??

IT'S BEEN OVER TEN FUCKING YEARS why am I still afraid!? I'm so fucking pissed at myself because I haven't got over it.

BUT I WOULD NEVER SAY THAT SO SOMEONE ELSE!?

Just-

I dunno I'm tired.

I'm tired of holding myself to a higher standard than everyone else but I don't stop doing it?? And I'm fully aware of victim blaming right now but i feel like I deserve to be blamed, and if I ever told my family they'd hate me.

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maw-and-pawp · 5 months

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I've been having some hurt/comfort thoughts for awhile now. I might make some ocs around this. SFW, platonic (queerplatonic?), victim blaming, blood mention, background murder, found family, angst and fluff, vore-adjacent.

A pred and a prey duo, in an unlikely friendship. The pred is smaller than the prey, and is somehow vegetarian, but is definitely still intimidating to the prey due to their long claws and sharp teeth and stoic face. They're aware that they come off as threatening to others, and do their best to be kind with their actions, and hide their claws in thick gloves. Besides, if no one knows exactly what they're capable of with those claws, then the chances of being traced back to their "nightshift" are low.

The prey is a survivor of an almost fatal digestion, and they would've been just another victim if their pred hadn't saved them and brought them to a hospital in time. Since then, the prey has both developed trauma from the encounter, and a fragile bond with the pred. The pred insisted to give them their number, afterall. To call just in case they needed help again. For anything.

They started talking, and one thing led to another, and now it's a common occurrence to find the pred in the prey's apartment, taking care of stuff the prey can't always manage on their own now. Making sure the prey doesn't forget to care for themself, helping them run down to the laundromat, cooking for the both of them when the prey can't get out of bed. The pred has been helping them when their family is either too far away to, or blames the prey for what happened (you wouldn't have been taken if you hadn't been alone that night, we raised you better than to go to a mixed bar, let alone by yourself). Because of that, they keep the pred's night time habits to themself, and pointedly do not ask about the faint smell of blood whenever the pred shows up in the mornings. They don't want to know (and they'd like to keep plausible deniability, thank you).

The prey's been going to a support group for others like them. People who were lucky. Someone suggested something like exposure therapy once, mostly as a joke (which wasn't well received). Which...honestly at this point, the prey is tired of being a live wire after what happened, and they would do just about anything to just Go Back To Normal now. So the idea stuck. All they had to do is work up the courage. The prey doesn’t fully trust the pred afterall. They can't after what happened, and what they know the pred is doing to other preds. It's not illegal, technically, if sufficient evidence is found that it truly was in spontaneous aid to a caught prey. But it's not spontaneous. And the pred isn't going to court.

But the pred did say that it was ok to ask for help, even for the 'small' things. Not once have they made them feel like they were anything other than a person...a dear friend. Right. A dear friend. It would be fine.

So they ask to listen to the pred's stomach one weekend. The pred is flustered, confused, stoic face twisted up into a look something like they just got slapped in the face with a fish. Which would be funny, if the prey's heart wasn't trying to run out of their chest from nerves. They quietly explain what they mean to the pred, and the pred's eyes soften in understanding, face unscrunching into something once again unreadable.

The pred is...awkward. If the prey wasn't wholly consumed with their own worries, they would've picked up on the pred's rigid stance as fears of their own...They can't remember the last time someone had touched without the intention to hurt, or to take. And they need to be calm, or their big prey friend will be on edge and that would defeat the point. And their friend deserves to feel safe. Heaven help anyone who takes that away.

They set up in the living room. A cushiony chair is pulled up - a small couch really - and they somehow maneuver the pred to sit in it and the prey to kneel without saying a word. Lots of awkward shuffling, and a pillow for the prey's knees later, and the prey is nosing into the pred's stomach gently.

It's tense underneath their face, and the prey can hear the pred's breath hitch when they first make contact. Slowly, the pred relaxes into the touch, when pain doesn't come. The pred still grips the seat like a lifeline. (It's dizzying, to be so vulnerable, and to do it on purpose)

Then, the prey takes a breath, and presses their ear to the rumbling gut beneath them (it was just before lunch, like they planned). It whined and begged and burbled, warm and hungry. It sends a cold jolt of fear through them, making them freeze. It sounds so loud, so needy, just like it was when it was all around them that night when the acids started flowing in -

Tears are wiped away before they even know it exists. The pred strokes a finger gently through the fur between their eyes, hesitant but firm. They hush the prey, remind them that it's safe. They can stop if they need to. They don't even have to do this at all. They sound close to tears themself. The prey looks up into their face.

The gaze is piercing as it always is. But not unkind. They really would stop if the prey gave the word. They'd get up and get on with their days, and the prey wouldn't be just a meal stewing away inside their pred friend. The pred is more hungry for the tofu in the fridge than them, and their pred is a full head shorter anyways. Even if they wanted to, their pred couldn't take them past the point of no return.

(They wonder what it's like to be so short. Preds were usually a head taller than the prey or more. Perhaps their pred isn't a vegetarian by choice at all - they can't catch anyone being so small. They might also not be quick and strong and lethal by choice either...it must be easy to confuse the pred for a prey, or it might not functionally matter to some)

Armed with this knowledge, the prey nuzzles back in without a word. Their pred's breath hitches again, and comes out shaky when the prey snakes a hand upwards to run their thumb gently over their clothed lower belly. The same comforting little circles that their pred had been rubbing between their eyes a moment ago. They tense along with the motion, and the prey goes rigid again as the wet glorps roar again under their sensitive ears, announcing to the world just how much their pred's tummy was enjoying the attention (even if it would prefer attention from the inside at the moment). The prey counts the pred's climbing heartbeat, and stubbornly holds on even as they (both) shake in restrained fear. As the hour passes, they've never felt so safe and yet so afraid.

They decide that it's been a productive day, schedule another encounter next weekend, and break for lunch. No, the prey did not eat the last of the tofu, thank you very much. They much prefer the beansprouts anyways.

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whumpiary · 1 year

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technically a follow on from this piece. could probably stand alone. this piece has been 80% done in my google docs for three years so if you see any big holes in it uhhh. no you didn't.

if you've ever wanted some vague exposition on cass' powers or choices, then this is for you

content warning: mentions of death, victim blaming, aftermath of violence/assault, referenced dubcon/noncon, brief mind control

The common room at Bergen Estate gets quiet at night. Most of the charges prefer their own rooms as it gets dark. Hiding from the bogeyman.

But Harley liked the large, dark emptiness of the common room.

The curved chairs, the pillars, the rows of books and video games lined up along the shelves. The big oak tables. Bean bags in the corner. Rugs here and there. The whole place had the energy of some sort of bizarre combination between a kid’s playroom and a university library. But Harley wanted a space to think, and this was the easiest one.

Their intuition had been right and wrong in equal amounts tonight. They’d known they would be called to Christopher’s lounge tonight. And they were. And they knew that they would be fine after. And they are. But… if they were so fine why do they feel so God fucking awful?

“Harley can go, right? It’s not like we need them.”

Every time they try to push the memory from their head, it bobs to the surface again like an apple in water.

“I have to say, Harley… I really am so disappointed in you.”

They stare out the large bay window, at the leafless trees silhouetted in the mix of light from the garden and from the moon. The whole thing looks ghostly. Gothic. The dark through the glass makes the whole window reflective; a giant mirror just waiting to show them their face. But it’s dark in here too. It’s a dark room reflected on a dark night. That’s why it’s so obvious when there’s a shuffling flash of light behind them, making their heart skip.

The door opens, someone steps through, and then it closes. Dark again. Harley stiffens, freezes, trying to catch another glimpse of who it is in the reflection of the window but it's back to shadows on shadows on shadows.

They listen as the person shuffles to one of the cushioned seats. Shuffles. Like it hurts to move. They sit so carefully that Harley can barely hear them. Then there's quiet. Stillness. An exhale.

Harley doesn’t move. They know stillness. They know silence. Have known it for longer than they’ve been here.

But then there’s another exhale.

And another.

Any hitch of breath that might be happening in between is more or less silent. Which means, usually… crying.

Harley feels themself cringe. The Bergen Boys don't cry. Those are the rules. Not Christopher's rules but the deeper, unspoken ones between the lot of them. You don’t complain, you don’t ask for help, you don’t cry. Or if you did, it got beaten out of you quicksmart. Everything else was a free for all as far as Harley has ever been able to tell.

So the shadow person has come to the common room in the middle of the night. Assuming, like Harley had, that it would be empty. That it would be safe.

Guilt washes over them all at once, guttural and nauseating and they realise all of a sudden that intentionally or not just by sitting here, listening, they're imposing. Intruding. Doing the wrong thing. And then the fear beneath that, on top of that, around that, that if they wait too long and the shadow person notices them, they may well end up on the wrong side of thrown fists. Again.

Harley shifts on the couch where they sit, exaggerating the whisper scrape of fabric on fabric, and leans back on the left side where they know the leg creaks.

The shadow person's breathing stops immediately and Harley hears them stand.

"Who's there?"

Harley freezes again, regretting making their presence known. Cassius.

"I can see you. On the couch. Get over here." His voice is sharp and violent. Deeper than usual. There's a childish part of Harley, not as far beneath the surface as they’d like, that wishes desperately they’d just stay silent and hidden. Safe.

But, like they were told, they uncurl their legs. Stand. Turn. Start to walk.

Harley can see the moment that the light from the window must catch their face. Cassius' face softens, eyes fluttering closed and body sagging with what was maybe relief.

“Harls,” he says, running a hand over his face as he sits back down. Harley doesn’t miss the wince. “Jesus Christ, man, you scared me.”

“Sorry.” The apology flies out of them like a verbal flinch. “I’ll leave.”

“No, ple-” Cassius stops himself, eyes shuttering closed. Harley watches him take a deep breath, brow furrowing briefly. You don’t cry. You don’t complain. You don’t ask for help. “You can stay. If you want. I don't mind.”

Harley hesitates for a moment, glancing around half-uselessly, before choosing a seat across from the other charge and folding into it.

“What are you doing up so late?” Cassius asks, as though they’ve bumped into each other at a truck stop. At a bar. Fancy seeing you here.

Harley shrugs. “I don’t know. I couldn’t sleep. I kept…” thinking about what you were doing. They bite down on their tongue to keep themselves from saying more. It’s stupid.

They trail off as Cassius looks up at them and the dull light from the window catches the shape of his brow. At the blood smeared along his temple. The bruising already flaring up along his cheek. “Did… did Beauche do that to you?”

Cassius huffs out a half laugh, running his tongue between his teeth and the obviously bruised tissue of his cheek. He drags his hand up, knuckle brushing softly against his brow. “Yep. What a gentleman, huh?”

“But Christopher said he wouldn’t be violent.”

Cassius scoffs, “Yeah and Christopher’s such a shining beacon of truth, huh?”

Cassius sits back in his chair, eyes hard, and Harley holds their breath. With the shadows of the trees outside dancing across his face, the shading of the bruises and the swelling there, Cassius looks half monster.

Then his expression softens, his body relaxes. “Nah, it was my fault." He lets out a sigh, hand running back through his hair. "The guy wanted me to cry.”

“And did you?” Cassius’ glare is immediate. Has Harley slamming their jaw shut so quickly their teeth click together. “Sorry.”

Cassius shrugs a shoulder in acceptance of the apology and leans back in the chair. He closes his eyes and all at once it’s like some mask comes down. He looks exhausted and hurt and… young, actually. Harley always forgets that. He’s younger than them. About a three year gap between them.

“Why are you up?” Harley says, after the silence gets unbearably fragile. “Here, I mean. I thought you’d be…” They struggle for a tactful way to put it. “In the other wing.”

“Nah, he didn’t want me to stay, thank fuck. And Christopher doesn’t like me coming in af-... Um. He doesn’t like me coming in too late,” Cassius says, picking non-existent dirt out from under his finger nails. He clears his throat a little as his face flinches in and out of a frown. “Plus, the sooner I see him, the sooner I have to… you know…”

He gestures loosely at his face and Harley frowns. The sooner he’d have to do what? Get rid of the bruises? Get rid of the pain that keeps making him flinch and close his eyes? None of them talked about it but they’d all seen it. Bruises fading on Cassius just to bloom on his brother in minutes. Always after a visit to Christopher. Always without a word spoken.

Harley can’t help their own contempt, “Isn’t that a good thing for you?”

Cassius looks at them with an expression Harley can’t place, dark eyes flicking between both of Harley’s, as though searching for something. He looks angry. Murderous. Violent. Then he snorts and it’s gone. “Yeah. Sure.”

He drops his head, hands fidgeting between his knees. With the angle and the shadows, Harley can only just make out the shape of his nose, his eyes half hidden behind his hair. It sticks out at awkward angles around his head like a terrible crown. Frizzy waves in some parts, kinked curls in others.

It'll suit him more when he leaves and he grows it longer.

The thought comes unprompted, unbidden and with the utmost certainty. Like the predictions always do. Just a slice of truth falling into the head with the right prompt. An understanding that that's just… how things will be.

It's not the first time Harley's thought something like it. That Cassius will do much better once he leaves. The notion of it is almost horrifying. Cassius has been here longer than they have. It’s hard to imagine Bergen Estate without its golden boy.

Harley chews on their cheek and “If I ask you something, will you answer truthfully?”

Cassius shrugs. Smirks. “Probably not.”

Harley rolls their eyes and looks away, annoyance settling in their gut. They don’t even know why they bother with Cassius. He’s always the exact same. They're about to stand up to leave when Cassius clears his throat and-

“I’ll trade you for it,” he says softly, dark eyes shining with something unnameable in the dim light. “You ask me something, I ask you something. No lies.”

“Promise?”

Cassius just shrugs. Which is probably as good a promise as Harley’s going to get, really. They sigh and trace the patterning of the rug with their eyes before pursing their lips together and looking back up at Cassius with a focussed sincerity.

They swallow. Inhale. Hands grip the arms of the chair. "You hate it here.”

Cass’ eyes skitter to the side and back. "That's… not a question."

"Why don't you leave?"

“Same as you, dumbass. Legally binding contract.”

“No, I mean-” Harley bites down on their cheek and tries to figure out the right words to say what they mean. “You can make him do whatever you want, right? You can make anyone do what you want. So why don’t you just… make him get rid of you."

Cassius exhales in a way that could almost be a laugh. But probably isn’t. “It’s… complicated.”

“Because of Henri?”

He shrugs, looking bored as he meets their gaze. “Sure.”

“No lies.”

Cassius sighs, leaning back slouched in the chair. He shrugs. “Just because I can make someone want to do something, it doesn’t mean they’ll do it.”

“Like… he’d resist you?”

“No.” Cassius pulls a face. “I mean yes, maybe. But no… It’s like…” He makes a sound hallway between a sigh and a groan. He rolls his neck, eyes roaming around the room like he’s trying to figure something out. He leans his chin on his hand, fingers skirting over his lips before looking back to Harley. “Hᴀʀʟᴇʏ, sᴏʟᴠᴇ ᴡᴏʀʟᴅ ʜᴜɴɢᴇʀ.”

Harley stands instantly. They turn on their foot and move to the door and for the first time in their life everything is certain. Everything is clear. Everything makes so much sense and all they have to do is… Is to…

“Um…”

Cass half smiles. There's something vicious and cruel behind his eyes. “Dᴏ ɪᴛ, Hᴀʀʟᴇʏ. Sᴏʟᴠᴇ ᴡᴏʀʟᴅ ʜᴜɴɢᴇʀ.”

They step forward, compulsively, and for some bizarre reason they start raising their arms in front of them, as though their body can’t figure out a way to solve the issue even though they want to and as soon as that thought hits them the frantic desire starts to dissipate, filling instead with deep dread and panic.

They turn their head towards him, eyes wide. Frozen. "I…"

Cassius’ gaze is dark and heavy. Hungry and calculating. His jaw sets. “Hᴀʀʟᴇʏ, ɢᴏ ᴋɪʟʟ Cʜʀɪsᴛᴏᴘʜᴇʀ.”

The feeling that floods them is white hot and immediate. Desire and rage running through them like lava. They’re not sure they’ve ever moved so fast, wheeling on a foot, making it to the door, but no sooner are they reaching for the handle then-

“Nah, ꜰᴏʀɢᴇᴛ ɪᴛ. Cᴏᴍᴇ sɪᴛ ᴅᴏᴡɴ.”

All at once the desire dissipates, and the panic sets in like shame. Like failure. They come back over. They sit back down. Then their thoughts catch up and they look at Cassius with fury. How dare he do that? How dare he go into their head and make them feel that?

Cassius just smiles. Shrugs. “Sorry. Figured I’d show not tell.”

‘’I could’ve killed him.”

Cassius shrugs, unshaded and unconvinced. “Nah. You would’ve got halfway down the hall and changed your mind.”

“But what if I didn’t?”

“Then you would’ve gotten to his room and realised you didn’t know how. You wouldn’t have killed him.”

“I might’ve,” they protest, still indignant.

Cass shrugs, smile lazy and tired, “But you didn’t.”

They try, for a few moments, to hold on to the anger. The indignation. It’s so, so easy to hate him when he’s far away. When they can’t see him or only see him at a distance. It’s much much harder three feet away from him, where the moonlight show the bags under his eyes as dark as the bruise blossoming above his temple.

“He takes you away from here sometimes,” they say eventually. “You could… when you were away from here. You could leave. Make him let you leave. That’s not that hard.”

Cassius just looks at them, chin resting on his hand, fingers covering his mouth. He raises his eyebrows at them expectantly, foot bouncing like a motor. He’s probably trying to look annoyed. Sarcastic. But he just looks like a sad little boy.

Understanding clicks in.

“But Henri…” Harley voices for him.

Cassius shrugs a shoulder. A tear manages to make it all the way to his cheekbone before he swipes it away with the side of his fist. The Bergen Boys don’t cry. “Told you. Complicated.”

This isn’t how things are meant to be. Cassius is meant to stay in the other wing, up on his damn pedestal and away in Christopher’s bedroom. He’s not meant to cry in the common room. He’s meant to be the golden boy in his golden room. It’s meant to be easy to hate him. He’s meant to be arrogant and selfish and mean and rude and-

“Your French isn’t better than mine,” they say suddenly. They can’t quite say where the compulsion to say it comes from.

Cassius blinks, “What?”

“In the office before, you said your French was better than mine. It’s not.”

He looks at them for a moment, frowning and annoyed and then suddenly he’s laughing, eyebrows shooting up in exhausted amusement, “You’re weird as fuck, you know that?”

“What? No I’m not,” Harley spits, suddenly self-conscious and antsy.

“Yes you are,” Cassius says. “I did you a fucking favour and a half tonight-“

“I didn’t ask you to do that.”

“And you know what, you’re welcome by the way.”

“I never asked you to-”

“Oh, save it. Yes you fucking did. You know what I can do. You know what I can feel. You were basically fucking screaming at me.”

And that, they do remember. Closing their eyes. Drowning Christopher’s voice out in their head. The huge loud static of I don’t want this, I don’t want this, I don’t want this.

The air stills. The atmosphere between them settles like dust in the shadows and darkens again. Guilt creeps over Harley's shoulders and rests with heavy claws. They shouldn’t have said anything.

“My French is more usable than yours,” Cass mutters.

They’re truly unsure if he’s being genuine or just trying to break the ice that’s frosted over. They try for the latter, “Your grammar sucks.”

“Yeah, well we didn’t get much further than ‘voulez-vous coucher avec moi’, so I don’t think I did fine,” he gives them a dead-eyed smile that they assume is meant to cast the comment in humour. They don’t really find it very funny.

After a few awkward beats, Cassius gives up the ghost. He clears his throat, “Alright. My turn,”

Harley readjusts in their seat, straightening their spine, tucking their hair behind their ears to listen for the question. They wait one moment. And then two. The whole time the golden boy seems to scrutinise them, looking into their eyes as he sizes them up, makes some sort of assessment.

Cassius’ voice is low and jarringly sad as he finally lands on a question, “Why do you hate me so much?”

If it was possible for Harley to feel every cell in their body crystallise… that was what this feeling was. “I don’t hate you.”

Cassius smiles. Tilts his head. The blood along his temple catches in the light. “No lies.”

Harley frowns and looks away, turning their head to look out the window across the other side of the room. They wonder if he remembers the day they met as well as they do. It was in this room. Just a few feet from where they were sitting now. He’d been sitting on the arm of the couch making some smart mouth comment to someone and they’d thought he looked friendly. And then his eyes had met theirs and prediction hit like an epiphany:

You’re going to kill me one day.

Unprompted, unbidden and with the utmost certainty. A slice of truth falling into their head.

You’re going to kill me one day to save yourself.

They knit their fingers together in their lap, pressing knuckle to knuckle. They press their lips into a thin line. Something with wings — a bird or a bat, they can’t tell — takes flight from one of the trees outside the window. Darkness reflects darkness back.

After it becomes clear they’re not going to answer, Cassius prompts again, “Was it something I did?”

They shrug one shoulder. Like he does. Look down at their hands. The shadows across the room dance and shimmer.

“Is it because of…” out of the corner of their eye, Harley sees him wave a hand at himself. “You know. What I do.” A pause. They see his Adam’s apple bob. “The way I do it.”

Harley frowns, ducks their head lower so they don’t have to look at him, even in periphery. They manage to shake their head this time.

“Is it…” Cassius stops and starts. Stalls. Clears his throat. “Is it something I’m going to do?”

Harley finds themself looking up, despite themself.

They meet his eyes. Time stops for a second.

Cass looks so full of grief for a moment that Harley’s certain the rest of the world must’ve been robbed of it. All shoved into one person to hold for a second. His voice sounds wrecked, “I’m sorry.”

They almost believe him, too. And they hate him all the more for it.

Did he have to be so perfect at this, too? Did he have to be forgivable for this, too? Can’t they just hate him? Can’t they just hate his guts and let him get whadt he’s owed for the things that he’s done, does, is going to do? They want to ask him. They want to tell him. All of it. They want to see his face as he tries to figure out how to respond. They want to know how he feels when he finds out he’s gonna be a murderer.

“It’s okay,” is what tumbles out of their mouth instead.

“Yeah,” Cass laughs and another tear makes it out of him. They hate him for it. He swipes at it with the side of a closed fist. “No it isn’t.”

They hate him as he stands up.

They hate him as he cuts the conversation short.

They hate him as he passes and gives the back of their chair a pat.

“See you around, Harls.”

They watch the window for the flash of light as the door opens, a yellow glow spilling into the room for a moment like blood from a cut. And then the door shuts with a click. And the room is back to its inky darkness. And the golden boy is gone. And Harley isn’t.

And their hatred is an unspooled ball of yarn in the middle of the floor.

#harley #cassius #bergen estate #implied or referenced noncon #victim blaming cw #death mention cw #violent cw #wip to wob #this is your reminder that you can go back and finish an old piece and post it #for free #may your abandoned wips be more of a prodigal son to you #im mixing metaphors like cake batter babeyyy #we are the daughters of the wips you forgot to burn

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