#incorrect hulk

[i-a-q]

Bruce: Did you replace all the lab notes with memes?

Tony: Maybe.

Bruce: You think this is funny?

Tony: *grinning* A little bit, yeah.

Bruce: You've been around Peter too much...

[spider-manz]

[shadow-coolness]

Erm….What the Smash?

Hulk

[vyynn]

Tony, texting in the avengers group chat: Good morning people!

Thor: Morning human

Clint: Good morning

Steve: Good Morning!

Bruce: good morning.

Natasha: Good morningg

Tony: You guys are boring, spice it up a bit for God's sake.

Bucky: I hope you mfs fall off a rooftop and die.

Bucky: Not Steve though, good morning Steve.

[spideyjlaw]

*BREAKING NEWS: CAPTAIN AMERICA FIGHTING THE PRESIDENT WHO TURNED INTO RED HULK*

Bucky: meh, he’ll be alright

[incorrectquotesmcu]

Steve: So does anyone have any healthy stress outlets?

Tony: Screaming.

Natasha: Violence.

Bruce: Tea.

Clint: Also violence.

Steve: …Okay, so we’ve got tea.

[jarvispoptart]

Tony Stark: *speaking Italian*

Steve Rogers: I know, I know.

Clint Barton: You speak Italian?

Steve Rogers: No. I just know the phrase, 'this is all your fault' in every language Tony speaks.

[itscrazycasey]

Peter, talking to Ned as they walk into the tower: and that’s how I almost died!

Tony: excuse me?

Steve: who and where?

Bruce: No one’s going to get away with that one, need me to send the other guy?

Clint, coming down from the vents: I can take care of them.

Peter, confused: I was just telling Ned about the time a building fell on me.

Ned: Yup!

Tony, Steve, Bruce, and Clint: WHAT?

[spideyson-stuff]

I HC that Bruce can't turn into the Hulk if Peter is around

Like, there's no way to get mad when this kid is around, he's too adorable let anyone get mad, it's basically an air purifier, no one gets mad for too long around him

Also, Peter can calm down Hulk, because Hulk likes him and Peter treats him as a separate individual from Bruce and Hulk's likes that

But one day Bruce turns into the Hulk by accident and everyone is in the tower garden trying to calm down Hulk so he doesn't run away and go smash people outside

Nat and Steve are trying their best to stop him but Hulk isn't listening and then suddenly they hear a scream of "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

Everyone turns to the window and Peter is there looking at them angrily, Hulk says "spider boy?..." and Peter just yells that he's making too much noise and it's disturbing him from doing his homework

Then he throws a shoe out the window at Hulk's head, everyone gets scared but Hulk just sits on the grass saying something like "spider boy is mad at me..." then they look at the window and Peter is slowly walking out looking at him like a ghost

After that Hulk became Bruce again, and needless to say when he asked why everyone was looking so scared, everyone got nervous and said it was nothing serious

[incorrect-marvel-because-why-not]

Bruce: When do you usually go to sleep? Tony: Whenever I collapse is entirely up to the gods.

Bonus:

Thor: I have nothing to do with your terrible sleep schedule.

[ghoststillhaunting]

My current favorite hobby is to make my own incorrect marvel quotes cause I think I'm so fucking funny

Here are some of my favorites :)

~

After a rough mission

Steve: whew! well that was crazy! I definitely need a smoke after that. Anyone got a cigarette I can bum off them?

Sam: uh Steve? aren't you asthmatic?

Steve: I mean I was? but what does that matter?

Bruce: cause cigarettes have been known to cause asthma...

Steve, who was prescribed cigarettes specifically to TREAT his asthma: What

~

Tony: Hey Steve. what'cha reading there?

Steve: Oh! it's this short horror story called I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream. It's about this AI that gains consciousness and sets out to destroy humanity.

Natasha: sounds right up your ally Tony

Tony: That's not funny 😐

~

Tony: Now I do believe that capitalism can work-

Steve, who literally grew up during the Great Depression: I don't. It has done nothing but fuck us over and is the disease at the core of America.

Interviewer, taking notes: "Captain America is a communist" got it.

~

Tony: hey kid! what're your plans for Christmas?

Peter: Uh me and Aunt May don't really celebrate for Christmas

Tony: WHAT!? WHO WOULD EVER DEPRIVE A CHILD OF THE SWEET JOYS AND WONDERS OF CHRISTMAS???

Peter: Mr. Stark...I'm Jewish.

Tony:...oh

~

Steve: Hey Peter! Hey Ned!

Ned: omg Captain America knows my name!

Peter: Ned, you have dinner with us. Every Friday. Of course he knows your name.

Ned:...I know but it's still CRAZY

~

Tony: Peter. You must learn the consequences of your actions therefore I have no choice but to punish you. You aren't allowed in the labs for a month.

Peter: OH SO YOU WANT ME TO KILL MYSELF

Tony: PETER

Peter: NO NO I SEE HOW IT IS YOU HATE ME AND WANT ME DEAD

Tony: PETER YOU RECREATED A LIGHTSABER AND SLICED THE COUCH INTO TWENTY PIECES

Peter: GOD I CAN'T DO ANYTHING IN THIS FUCKING HOUSE

~

Tony: Kid WHY and HOW do you know how to use a gun???

Peter:...I play a lot of call of duty?

Tony: this is the closest i have ever been to wanting to punt a child

~

Steve: Jesus Tony stop being such a cunt!

Tony: 😦

Peter: ATE

~

Bucky: Peter...do you think i'm gay?

Peter:....you are wearing a rupaul muscle tee

Bucky:...you didn't answer my question :(

~

Interviewer: What are your thoughts on immigration?

Steve: my parents were immigrants...what do you think my thoughts are?

[autumnistic-danmei]

Bruce: Do you take constructive criticism? 

Tony: No, only cash or credit.

[shxrkk]

[vyynn]

Peter: Mr Stark! The ice cream truck is gonna pass by soon, can I borrow 2 bucks?

Tony: What's the magic word kid.

Peter: Dad?

Tony, pulling out $100 from his wallet: It was supposed to be please but...that works too.

Bruce, muttering under his breath: A bit too well.

[slavicshadownr]

Steve: I don't know, we all just kind of thought you were dating... Clint: Why would you think that? Bruce: You always finish each other's sentences. Natasha, sighing: That's not romance, that's wanting to have the last word.

[incorrectquotesmcu]

Loki: Thor, haven’t you learned by now that I can outsmart you whenever I want?

Thor: You cannot.

Loki: Say “fort”.

Thor: Fort?

Loki: Now say it three times.

Thor: Fort, fort, fort.

Loki: Spell it twice.

Thor: F-O-R-T, F-O-R-T.

Loki: Say it two more times.

Thor: Fort, fort.

Loki: Now what do you eat soup with?

Thor: Ha ha! FORK! Ha!

Loki: Really? Because I eat my soup with a spoon.

[Loki leaves]

Bruce: See, if you ate soup with a fork, the liquid would just fall—

Thor: I KNOW!!