#it might not matter but that's the thing. who dictates what does and doesn't matter

[hauntedpearl]

i do love the chuck won theory i do but the thing is. im not the biggest fan of how they did it on the show. like i get why it is like that it's just not my preference is all.

going back to my point about keeping god off the screen, I think I would've preferred if they were "fighting" god like that. in the sense that they're aware, to some extent, that this is all out of their control. it's like in good omens but the evil version of it. the plan is ineffable, so what can we even do about it? do we even have free will? are we responsible for the evil in our lives or is someone else? did you kill your son? did your son kill your mother?? or did this Nebulous All Knowing Entity make him do it? does it make a difference, when this grief is choking your throat?? when the guilt is in your veins? when the pain you've caused, you're feeling, is all so tangible?? you can't fight god and you can't beat god and you can't be sure that you are ever on your own. there is no hope, and there is no reward, and you aren't quite sure about the witness. can you choose kindness anyway? like this? when the world is ending and your feet are close to the edge of it?? does it matter?? DOES IT MATTER?? DOES IT MATTER??????

[sometimesliterate]

dr ratio vs. the genius society | an analysis

this'll also be a comparison between ruan mei and dr. ratio so warning for that one too, just in case.

i saw this post by @chronical-lover

and firstly, i just want to say thank you, especially about mentioning how aeons don't care about humans because youre so right. i wanna expand a little bit on the comparison between his character and the genius' that we've met this far.

ratio ultimately failed to be recognized not because he wasn't smart enough, but because he was too human. he's human first, scientist second. he'll always be human first, he doesn't have it in him to act without emotions no matter how much he wants logic to dictate his every move. his entire character is that he believes every one has a human right to be alive, to learn and to grow. he's there to guide them, not necessarily in the nicest way, but still.

i think contrasting him with ruan mei in the story quest was a perfect idea. when you meet ruan mei, she's kind. she makes the trailblazer feel comfortable, even for just a little bit. she offers companionship, tea, and a conversation. but she does not care about the trailblazer or her creations, something painfully obvious in her actions. when the trailblazer was facing up against ruan mei's failed attempt to make a replica of the emanator of propagation, ruan mei was no where to be found. but you know who was, just in case he had to step in ? veritas ratio. even though both knew that the replica wasn't likely to hurt the trailblazer, ratio was there.

" since you're here, i won't intercede. but should you fail, i will be forced to prevent some avoidable misfortunes "

( i hate this man so much )

but he was there. he witnessed the fight, and once the threat was over, it was time to get going ( his words, not mine ). he was there to witness you fight, and should he had needed to, he would've stepped in to prevent us from any actual danger. however, when we approach ruan mei after the fight, and we look reasonably upset from her, we don't get an actual apology. she says she regrets her actions, but her words aren't actually about putting us in danger. she was upset that her experiment fell short, that she had made another predictable outcome.

" you look.. upset, correct ? i regret my actions. there's no defending what i've done. time and again, my experiments have fallen short, and they've always yielded predictable results. i made a clone but it.. doesn't hold a candle to the emanator. "

she did say that she would be there if the danger proved to be too great, but she was not. veritas, however, was. both of them said that they would step in if needed, but only one of them was actually in a position to do so. only one of them took preventative measures to make sure that you were safe from harm. and that is not the genius ruan mei, no matter what her words say.

ruan mei has a flowery way of speaking. not to say that she necessarily minces her words, she's upfront about a lot of things. but she lures the trailblazer into a false sense of security. she's introspective, and questions her own actions a lot. but she's never apologetic about the way that her actions put other people in danger, just that they don't yield the results she wants.

ratio, however, is curt. we meet him originally as a brooding, mysterious figure. he's mean, he doesn't use a lot of words to get his point across. he says what he means, and he's a fan of effective communication. he doesn't have to worry about himself, he knows who he is and how is actions affect himself and the people around him, and that leads to people assuming that he's egotistical ( which he might be , a little bit. as a treat ) but the reality is that ratio cares more about the people around him that he'll ever let on.

and that's where he fails. that's the fundamental difference between him and those within the genius society. ruan mei, herta, screwllum, and the other geniuses do not care about anything other than results. and yet ratio is kind. he's inherently kind, his actions are all for other people. he's saved a dozen worlds with his inventions. he's a scholar within the intelligentsia guild, and a doctor saving his patient's lives every single day. he wants to guide people from the shadows towards the right answer, he wants to make them use their brains and think.

he does not act without considering other people. he can't be a genius first, and a human second. and that's where he fails to gain nous' recognition. it's not that he's not not intelligent enough to be a genius, it's that even in his pursuit of knowledge, he has not forgone his humanity.

and perhaps, in nous' eyes, that's the difference between the mediocre and the genius. to erase every part of you, your emotions, your empathy, your humanity, in the pursuit of knowledge is what separates a genius from the masses. not having those barriers allows you to really dig deep into subjects that would otherwise be considered taboo or dangerous, because you don't care about how the outcome affects people as long as you can study it. as long as you can get answers out of what you're studying, it doesn't really matter what the test subjects are feeling.

ratio is too human, too caring, to ever be considered a genius in nous' eyes.

[portablegoose]

Woooo so the Magnus Protocol premiered and I have things to say and things to overanalyse!

As we know, 'Chester', 'Neil' and 'Augustus' are, maybe?, Jon, Martin, and Jonah, respectively. Hence this:

And, of course, there's 'J1', 'M1' and 'J2' in the trailer.

However, I've seen confusion over the fact that the third 'Error' is voiced by Tim Fearon, who as far as I'm aware has not previously voiced any characters in the Magnus universe. Even though the name is distorted, I can make out what looks to be an H at the end of the name, so this very well may be Jonah.

My theory is this: 'Augustus' is Jonah (or just his voice). However, since the body of Elias was killed in the Panopticon, Jonah does not use Elias' voice anymore. Jon, Martin, and Jonah are all disembodied, if we are to believe they are somehow inside the computer/other technology (ie Alice/Sam's phone in the pub scene) or in some way somewhere adjacent to the world of Protocol. So it could, in a dream-logicy eldritch sense, follow that Jonah is able to survive in his own creepy old ass man way, and use his original voice. Obviously, I cannot corroborate this claim in any meaningful way. We have not heard Augustus speak yet, but I think it is a possibility nonetheless.

The fact that Augustus supposedly shows up to read cases aloud significantly less than Chester and Neil could also be a clue. Maybe Jonah is weaker than Jon and Martin due to his injuries, and is therefore unable to materialise as often as Jon and Martin. Maybe the voice that speaks the true cases (because, similarly to how true statements were identified using the tape recorder in TMA, I imagine true cases will be singled out using the text to speech system) is relevant to the case itself - ie, Jonah only speaks when a case is heavily linked to the Eye, etc.

Furthermore, there's the question of who is spying on who and when/why. By this I mean that we hear our perspective switch between devices (the phone, the computer, the security camera during Colin and Sam's interaction, etc), and I believe that this happens because one or more of the 'Errors' (as I am going to refer to them henceforth) is travelling between devices to spy on the characters' conversations. What we hear is dictated by what the Errors, characters who have prior knowledge of the Fears, deem important. This is backed up by the episode's closing scene: Colin's paranoid closing lines. It is clear that Colin believes someone is listening to them, and it is implied that he has made a connection between this and the Errors. What intrigues me is the Errors' motivation for doing this at all. If what they deem important is what we hear, and this is the first that we are hearing, then it seems to me that it is Sam's arrival that has given them cause for concern, or (in Jonah's case) hope (if he is plotting to return, or something, I don't put it past the scheming weasel). So, why are they listening? And how can we really tell if what we are hearing is the spying of Jonah, or of Jon and Martin?

Another thing. Jonny makes a point of letting us know that Alice does not think the work they do is of any significance, or is checked by anyone. She constantly mentions it in passing and is very casual in her attitude towards work. We obviously have the foresight to know this isn't true. The reason I point this out is because of what Sam does when filling out his paperwork: he ticks the 'Response' box, to which Alice responds that it doesn't matter. This could be nothing, it probably is nothing, but I feel like the fact that Sam has ticked the onboarding box of a mysterious department of an already mysertious organisation might come up later...

Yes I know I am jumping to a lot of conclusions, especially where the Errors are concerned. Please take every theory you hear, from me or anyone else, with a grain of salt, this is all speculative. From a writer's perspective, I honestly think it's pretty likely that Chester and Neil aren't actually Jon and Martin, and just their voices taken by the Web or something, but shh I can dream.

Edit: oh my god they changed his name to Norris that is even worse. Jonny and Alex were fr like 'neil is too kind, we need the name to be Chester levels of horrific'

[animeomegas]

Ah, sorry! I meant after they get married and maybe are starting a family, which omegas would become stay at home parents vs working parents

-sauce anon

Okay, I got it! Here are my thoughts~ I've just done parents, because I don't think many of them would retire after a marriage. I think the only ones who might retire after marriage might be Kankuro and maybe Sai. Itachi would too, if he was allowed, but eh, the clan probably don't agree to it until he's pregnant.

Working parentings (workload that takes them away from family time more often):

Naruto - Becoming hokage was his dream, and he feels a great responsibility for his village that he could never let go off. It's a massive part of his life, and he couldn't give it up, no matter what.

Sasuke - He does not have the mental fortitude to be a stay-at-home parent. He quite simply couldn't cope feeling cooped up and trapped by his child. Sasuke is a better parent when he has some time alone, and some time to travel a bit.

Shikamaru - I've put him here and in the category below, because I think it does fluctuate. He has a massive workload, and it's something he feels he doesn't have a choice in taking. He's the sort of person who never feels like he's done enough, and yet is always working too much. It's not his identity though. He works because he feels he has to.

Gaara - Again, another kage here, with the massive workload that comes with that. To his credit, I think Gaara manages to find the best balance out of the men in this category, but he still works a lot. I think, like Naruto, he feels the responsibility and care to his village, and he could never abandon them.

Working parents (workload that keeps them around more often):

Shino - He's a teacher at the academy, so while he is a working parent, he is around a lot, as he goes to school with the pups, and then also walks home with them. That being said, he would probably take leave when his pups were babies/toddlers and stay at home full time, unless his alpha was staying at home with them. Aburame culture dictates that one parent should stay at home if there are pups, and the clan helps support that financially.

Shikamaru (again) - However, continuing on Shikamaru, if his alpha ever made a breakthrough on getting him to make his own decisions, or it got to the point where Shikamaru had to step back from being the Hokage's aid to run the clan, he's around a bit more. I think this balance would be the one that made him happiest, but he needs a push to get there.

Iruka - He's similar to Shino, although depending on his age, he might be the head of the academy. He stops taking extra shifts or missions once he has children and focuses on teaching. He could never leave his students. I think he would get bored just staying at home, so working suits him better.

Flexible parents (those that might not work, but might as well, depends on the circumstances):

Chouji - I think he would want to be around when his pups were very young for sure, but after that, I think it depends. He would eventually be taking over the clan, but that might be when his children are older anyway. He might run missions on occasion, if he's well suited. If his children needed him more for whatever reason, he wouldn't though. It's very situational.

Kisame - I think he wouldn't mind staying home with small children, but once they hit school age, he would get too bored without things to do. I'm not sure what work he would be doing in a world where he was stable enough to have children, but he'd find something, maybe collecting bounties.

Yamato - He wants his children to know that he is always there for them no matter what, so I think he'd feel guilty working. But once they were in school, he'd probably find a job that fit around school hours. Even if it was just helping around the village with the mokuton. I think he'd like to do that.

Stay-at-home parents:

Kiba - He's got far too many to dump on someone else XD No, Kiba is happiest with his family. Work schmerk. There is literally no way he could be bored. With how many he has, he often has a child small enough to require attention all day.

Neji - He is determined to go back to work after having a baby. Absolutely, 100% sure. But every time it gets to the point where he should be returning to taking missions, he makes up some arbitrary reason why he can't. "They've been anxious about nursery, I think I should stay at home until they settle", "They need to finish their medicine for the infection, I'll stay home to make sure they take it", "They said they don't enjoy school... maybe I should homeschool?" He ends up staying home until they leave the house, and by then his priorities have changed.

Itachi - All he wants to do is stay at home. He would have retired after marriage if his clan wouldn't have thrown a fit over it. Once he quits taking missions, he's never going back. He's a bit lost after his children leave home, and he mourns not having as many as he would have liked. Until he's provided with grandchildren or chickens to look after lol.

(I was really, really torn on Minato and how I wanted to characterise him, so I left him off. If it was canon Minato, it would be the top one for sure, but I don't know if that's how I want to go with him, idk.)

[ghcstao3]

Hello! Anon who was just asking how the blog worked here, arriving with the first, (of probably many I’m not even going to kid myself here,) cod hc! Not so anon anymore haha!

Okay. Soooooo…..

Soap having a soulmate string for ghost.

Ghost not being able to see that string yet for some reason or another. (Hasn't realized feelings yet, just can't see them, something on his end has to happen first. Whatever the AU dictates)

For years soap has been notoriously awful at finding exfil without being explained the directions like 3 times.

But now that ghost and he are on a team? Soaps just starts using the string to get to exfil.

He doesn't tell anyone why his sudden and

significant improvement to finding the RV, but

Price sure is wondering.

Also the fact that this new found ability seems to

"randomly" completely disappear sometimes (on missions without ghost) I bet the first few times the Sargent regressed to his old ways Price nearly threw a fit.

Sillies ensue.

:D !!

this is such a cute idea

-

It’s not Soap’s fault he’s always had a poor sense of direction. Really, it’s not.

He’s done many things to try and offset the problem of finding exfil—notes landmarks and anything else that stands out, writes down directions when he has time, sketches locations when he has even more—but nothing ever seems to work. It’s just an issue so ingrained in him it’s nearly tragic.

Truly, it’s just a damn good thing he excels in every other area of his work. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t still be here, he’s certain.

But then Ghost appears.

He shows up with that stupid invisible red string trailing after him, surely looped around his ring finger as it is around Soap's, tying them together. Connecting their souls.

And he seems so intent on never bringing it up to Soap. He never even shows the slightest hint of acknowledgement.

But while Soap grapples with whatever that could possibly mean for him—mean for them—he finds a plus side to this string of fate.

No matter where they are for work, that red string always leads Soap back to Ghost. All the while, it just so happens that Ghost has a fantastic sense of direction. So even if the whole soulmates aspect doesn't quite work out, Soap finally has his solution.

...When he and Ghost work the same job, of course. Otherwise...

"Sergeant, get your arse moving! Where the hell are you?"

Soap winces at the Captain's voice in his ear. Deployed elsewhere for the first time since he and Soap had begun working together, Ghost is not currently present to offer Soap his usual invisible guidance. Which unfortunately means for Soap a berating from Price for making a very, very late exit.

"What happened back there?" Price will ask, even as they all make it home safe. "You're usually good at finding your way out," he'll say, and Soap will cringe at his words.

Because he's not, never has been. He just so happens to work with the man tied to the other end of his string, is all, really. But he can't just say that, can he?

"Sorry, sir," Soap will mumble out his apology. "Won't happen again, sir."

It will. It does.

Price is upset again the second time. He's just exasperated the third time and afterwards.

Then Soap is only assigned to missions alongside Ghost. Every so often, one without him, and suddenly Soap is essentially glued to Ghost's side day and night.

Price must have figured out the pattern, then.

Soap just hopes Ghost might figure it out soon, too.

[melrosing]

Sorry if you’ve talked about this before but I can’t find it if you have. What are your thoughts on Jaime’s role in the Tysha situation?

I don't think I have actually talked about this at any particular length before?? which is weird bc i have thought about it a lot but to quickly summarise before launching into it:

I think Jaime's part in this is a human failing. it wasn't a malicious or spiteful act, but an ignorant one

that said, I think it's basically unforgivable regardless. Tysha and Tyrion are the only people who could forgive him for this and even if Tyrion does, I really doubt we'll ever learn Tysha's feelings on the matter

imo the way in which Jaime ultimately decides to come clean is near enough the cruelest thing he does, even if he didn't mean it to be

so first off, I don't think Jaime has ever truly believed that Tyrion couldn't be loved (in the romantic sense, anyway). Jaime himself is someone who loves despite appearances, and it seems he knows pretty soon after telling Tyrion the lie about Tysha that it wasn't really a kindness, but in fact the worst thing he's ever done (so far!!)

I also think if it hadn't been for what Tywin subsequently put Tyrion and Tysha through with the guards, Jaime would've come clean shortly after telling the lie. but after that, no doubt it felt almost impossible to do so, because the damage was now outsized and there was little chance Tyrion and Tysha would be able to return to what they had.

but he does tell the lie to begin with, and I think that is because Jaime lives in an ableist society and is touched by the stink. he loves Tyrion and Tyrion's disability has never impeded that love, but it has meant that Jaime has failed him many times, sometimes without even knowing he has. for one thing, I think he has failed to realise just how much Tyrion has suffered through childhood. he comes to some revelation following his maiming at the hand of the mummers:

Sometimes he even wept, until he heard the Mummers laughing. Then he made his eyes go dry and his heart go dead, and prayed for his fever to burn away his tears. Now I know how Tyrion has felt, all those times they laughed at him. (JAIME IV, ASOS)

however, it suggests that whilst Jaime has never been laughing with 'them', the full extent of his understanding has necessarily been limited. besides that, I think Jaime has always been in a unique position where he could have definitively stood up to Tywin and Cersei in terms of how they treat Tyrion - he alone had the ability to withhold something until they did so, whether that be love or obedience. but obviously he lets his fear of his father/codependency with Cersei get in the way of that, so.

he's also carelessly partaken in ableism without thinking, indeed in front of Tyrion - whether that's in calling him 'the Imp' (something Tyrion can reclaim but Jaime certainly can't), or this fucking gem:

"Even if the boy does live, he will be a cripple. Worse than a cripple. A grotesque. Give me a good clean death." Tyrion replied with a shrug that accentuated the twist of his shoulders. "Speaking for the grotesques," he said, "I beg to differ. Death is so terribly final, while life is full of possibilities." (TYRION I, AGOT)

again, doesn't really matter if Jaime has been able to push past some of the ableism others have adopted, the stink is still on him.

so, when Tywin dictated the lie he wanted Jaime to tell, I can imagine he was in two minds. on the one hand, Jaime loves Tyrion, wants Tyrion to be happy, and would be pleased if Tyrion found happiness with someone who truly loves him back. once again, Jaime himself loves despite appearances, and so I don't think he would ever have found it inconceivable that Tysha honestly loved Tyrion.

but again, he lives in an ableist society, and so when Tywin tells Jaime that Tysha's love was cynical, that might have seemed possible, too. Jaime has grown up in a world that has called Tyrion a monster since birth. it doesn't matter if Jaime doesn't think Tyrion is a monster; he knows that much of the world does, and accepts (if only for a time) that Tywin's assessment of Tysha could be true.

then there's the fact that once Tywin has made a decision, perhaps Jaime thought Tyrion and Tysha's relationship was a lost cause; besides that, if Tysha were taking advantage, Jaime doesn't want Tyrion to be hurt by it. hence, "a kindness". it's all deeply flawed logic, but again, this isn't about malice or spite on Jaime's part: it's ignorance mixed up ableism, and human failing.

then ofc, Tywin does what he does to Tyrion and Tysha and that's it. Jaime figures there's no way he could tell Tyrion the truth now without causing him even greater pain, and keeps quiet for the foreseeable future, retaining that as one of his very deepest regrets. because Jaime knows near enough immediately that he was lying to himself as well: he knows full well that Tyrion can love and be loved, and yet he propagated Tywin's lie..... for what.

could get into the absolute fucking tragedy of Jaime and Tyrion, practically the only two out of the Tywin/Cersei/Jaime/Tyrion quartet with a genuinely uncomplicated, loving relationship, having their love turned to poison by the worst dad of all time. but another time

then to move into ASOS: look like I don't know if it was ever the right thing to tell Tyrion the truth once the thing was done. I can see both sides: one, Tyrion deserves to know that he can be loved, and has been loved. two, how the fuck is Tyrion supposed to feel knowing the truth, and that his whole life he's been living a lie.

but I think the biggest problem is that Jaime doesn't really reckon with that so much as his own desire to be honest and do right and come clean etc. he certainly knows how much he risks hurting Tyrion or else he wouldn't have kept quiet all this time, but it seems at least part of it is about honesty for the sake of cleansing himself rather than doing right by Tyrion.

he also. forgets to apologise??

"For your gold, Father said. She was lowborn, you were a Lannister of Casterly Rock. All she wanted was the gold, which made her no different from a whore, so . . . so it would not be a lie, not truly, and . . . he said that you required a sharp lesson. That you would learn from it, and thank me later . . ." "Thank you?" Tyrion's voice was choked. "He gave her to his guards. A barracks full of guards. He made me . . . watch." Aye, and more than watch. I took her too . . . my wife . . . "I never knew he would do that. You must believe me." (TYRION XI, ASOS)

like I think Jaime is honestly sorry. he's afraid to tell Tyrion because he's sorry, he accepts Tyrion's punch because he's sorry, etc. but he never manages to actually say it, he's too busy trying to make himself understood. he wants Tyrion to understand why he did what he did, and it's like. why would Tyrion give a fuck why right now, he'd trying to reckon with the impact it's had on him, and the fact that he and Tysha lost their happiness together and suffered so horribly for nothing.

so whilst I think it's human to botch an apology like this, to be so busy trying to explain yourself you forget to apologise at all, and that you're meant to be centring the victim of your wrong. but it is still fucking wrong lol. Jaime gets it so, so wrong.

all of that to say, I don't think Jaime has ever wanted to hurt Tyrion, but he has - he has hurt him badly. doesn't negate his love for Tyrion - it says in his own POV that Cersei and Tyrion are the two people he cares most about in the world. but he fucks it. partly because of the ableist society he lives in, partly because of the toxic family dynamic he's part of, and partly because he's human, and that's the tragedy.

[vickyvicarious]

The death alarms must be blaring loud in Mina's ears by now. "God bless and keep him" is as if she wants to manifest him being alive. While getting radio silence from him, coupled with her new friend telling her that he'll soon die (which made her tear up), and then Indeed Dying, her reading about the ship of death, the funerals...

Absolutely, they're blaring nonstop.

She hasn't heard from Jonathan in a long time. Actually, let's take a look at this timeline of Jonathan's letters...

12 May - Sent two letters (one each to Mina and Mr. Hawkins) on Dracula's behest saying he's leaving in a month.

19 May - Made to write three dictated letters.

28 May - Real letters confiscated, shorthand one to Mina burned. One supposedly sent to Mr. Hawkins telling him to talk to Mina (may have just been a taunt from Dracula/may not have actually been sent).

12 June - Expected departure based on 12 May letter. Dictated letter that he'll be leaving in a few more days mailed.

19 June - Dictated letter that he's leaving the next day mailed.

29 June - Dictated letter that he is in Bistritz mailed.

1 July - Mina presumably receives letter from 12 May (see 1 August). Expects him home soon based on the contents.

25 July - Letter to Mr. Hawkins arrives (forwarded to Mina next day). Seems to be the one sent on 19 June based on the contents.

1 August - Mina says she hasn't heard from him in a whole month (probably referencing a letter to her specifically, must be the one from 12 May). "I hope there cannot be anything the matter with Jonathan."

3 August - "Oh, I do hope he is not ill."

8 August - "Somehow I felt glad that Jonathan was not on the sea last night, but on land. But, oh, is he on land or sea? Where is he, and how?"

10 August - "I should be quite happy if I only knew if Jonathan.... God bless and keep him."

So yeah, it seems like she hasn't gotten a letter directly from Jonathan in over a month - and I'm willing to bet that letter wasn't super effusive. It still was nowhere near as alarming as the one she was forwarded from Mr. Hawkins later, though. That one is even more directly dictated by Dracula and she's very clear that it doesn't seem like Jonathan's usual writing style. She even suspects a forgery, but his handwriting convinces her otherwise in the end.

If I'm reading this correctly, it took about 8 weeks for Mina to get the letter Jonathan wrote on 12 May, and about 5 weeks for Mr. Hawkins to get the one sent on 19 June. Assuming the latter timeline is more typical (since who knows how long Dracula took to get around to mailing that first letter; the later three are specifically dated), the letter saying he's in Bistritz is actually already running a week late. (If we split the difference, then it could be expected very soon, though.) Meanwhile, for all Mina knows Jonathan left the castle just about two months ago and hasn't communicated at all since. Setting aside that it should not take him that long to come home (I don't have the time right now to look up how long the journey is supposed to take, but definitely less than this), it's still wildly out of character for him not to let her know if he has been delayed further for some reason.

So yeah, that's all deeply alarming. And then we get on to her pleasantly distracting summer vacation, which so far is anything but. Lucy is sleepwalking, Mrs. Westenra is freaked about it, Mina has to watch over her and thus is getting little sleep herself. This doubtless increases her stress levels on its own, but I suspect also is what leads her to hint at him possibly being ill. She does the same thing later on; after there is a bad storm and a ship crashes ashore with no one alive aboard, she doubts whether he is on sea and wonders where he is. And then today, after attending the funeral/after her friend's death, she comes close to wondering if he is even alive, before trailing off and just praying for him instead.

All the bad stuff happening around her keeps making her think of what might be happening to Jonathan too, and the possibilities are just steadily getting worse... but all could end in death. Maybe he caught some illness and died with no one looking after him (Lucy). Maybe he was traveling on a ship and drowned in a storm (Demeter). Maybe he was attacked and murdered (Mr. Swales - though Mina doesn't say he has been, the nature of his death could easily remind her of such a possibility).

Maybe this all happened weeks ago.

She has no way of knowing, and thus nothing she can do about it. Last she heard he'd left the castle, so even if she wanted to go search for him (and somehow found the money for a sustained search), she wouldn't have any clear destination. It's just "somewhere between Transylvania and England" and that's a big space. So all she can do is worry over him. Try to deny the possibility.

Pray.

[supersoakerfullofblood]

Conflict and Genre; Hurting Our Characters in Ways That Matter

If you've even only skimmed my blog, you may have noticed that I preach the importance of character and conflict above all other elements of narrative. The qualities of these dictate the qualities of the story, and by and large, every other narrative element will in part develop from these. I've written a bit about what makes strong characters here and on random other posts, but now it's time to talk conflict: what it is and how we write it.

You'll read everywhere that there are two types of conflict: internal and external. This is true but misaligned. That's kind of like saying the two types of planets are Earth and all the other planets. In reality, most conflicts are a mix of both with varying ratios of one to the other, and "internal" does a lot of heavy lifting in this dichotomy. Is it emotional? Mental? Religious? Interpersonal? A lot of stuff goes on in the human brain!

I've used conflict a bit already without defining it, so let's do so. Conflict is anything in a narrative that negatively affects a character and that character's reaction. It's a broad concept! A duel with a dragon and a tough breakup are equally valid conflicts. You might hear people advise to "hurt your MC." This is true albeit quirky and cliche. Hurt your characters, yes, but the other half of conflict, your character's reaction, is necessary to crafting a strong story. If the duel the dragon, win, and return home victorious, case closed, that's not a very interesting story; if your character goes through the breakup with healthy coping mechanisms and emotional maturity, who cares? What gives? Unless it's the end of the story, the reader doesn't want the conflict to resolve! (Or, they don't want every conflict to resolve. Some can, but always keep one fire lit.)

Your goal as a writer should be to lead your character's decisions deeper into their conflicts. Of course, this shouldn't be obvious--if characters make bad, stupid decisions, the reader will catch on. But you can use your character's flaws and vulnerabilities to make them make poor decisions or otherwise get them in binds without the reader noticing.

One example from my own work: In one of my novels, The Ghosts of Glass Lake, one character focuses on her acting career so she won't have to focus on her mother's suicide. The suicide affected the character negatively, and the focus on acting was her reaction. Obviously, this focus wasn't the healthy thing to do, which gives me as a writer room to play with and grow this conflict. While she's rehearsing, she sees her mother's ghost from time to time. When she does try to resolve this trauma, she goes about it wrong by attempting to speak with her mother via spirit box instead of, y'know, going to therapy. Other characters try to help her cope by dubiously legitimate methods. By the end of the novel, she hasn't reconciled her acting career with the effects of her mother's death, and this tension hurts the people around her.

One example from classic literature: In Virginia Woolf's To the Lighthouse, each character witnesses and thinks upon how other characters treat them and others. This novel has next to no external conflict. One character, Lily Briscoe, loves to paint and notices how the men around her talk about how women can't paint, and a second character mansplains some painting lingo to her. Most of her time in the novel is spent in these interactions or thinking about them and the greater societal shifts that caused them, and by the end of the novel, she accepts herself as a painter and completes the piece she'd been working on.

My and Woolf's examples have some commonalities and some differences. Woolf's is almost entirely internal where mine is almost entirely internal until late in the novel when it grows an external bent. In both cases, conflict is both something that negatively affects a character and that character's reaction to it. This reaction causes the conflict to deepen, which causes another reaction, and a cycle starts that will only resolve (if you want it to resolve) at the end of the narrative.

The type of conflict you write is a question of style, but certain genres historically lend themselves towards one or the other. You'll often hear "genre fiction" and "literary fiction" tossed around in literary discourse. These are two umbrella categories that if you ask me don't really exist anymore, but that's another topic for another time. So disclaimer, read below with a grain of salt, but not too big a grain, as there is truth here.

Genre fiction (fantasy, sci-fi, romance, mystery, thriller) trends towards external conflict: will they kill the dragon and save the princess? Will they win the space war? Find the culprit? Escape the killer? Literary fiction ("the classics," realistic fiction) trends towards internal conflict: how do we come of age? Recognize death? Understand love?

The dichotomy of genre/literary was created during a time when those labels weren't so liquid (here's a great article on the topic), but nowadays, great books blur these lines more than they ever had. Circe is a book with the popular conventions of Percy Jackson but is also a meditation on gender and family obligations. Station Eleven is a post-apocalyptic dystopia about how we find meaning in our everyday lives. American Gods has the trappings of any old adventure story but also questions past and present systems of belief.

And was this genre/literary conflict dichotomy ever real? I would argue no and that the strongest genre fiction also incorporates internal conflict. The Lord of the Rings is a story about Sauron and the Nazgul just as it is about the nature of power and responsibility, advancing technology, and the environment; The Left Hand of Darkness is an adventure across an ice planet but only through the lenses of gender and religion; Dune is about drugs and worms but also religious conflict, imperialism, indigenous culture, and much much more; Earthsea is an adventure through magical archipelagos and also a meditation on grief, gender norms, and reconciliation. You can say similar things as these to any great piece of genre fiction, but I don't personally think this works in reverse. Not every story needs external conflict, as Virginia Woolf shows, though even the most literary of stories will use some, even if only on accident. This is because the best stories always say something deeper about their characters than simply "they can kill the dragon"; the best stories get at what it means to kill a dragon.

So in anything you write, try adding this internal axis! If you're not used to it, try this exercise. Ask yourself what the external conflict is. Then ask yourself how your character feels about it. When you have even 5% of an answer, start writing it! Then when those feelings get that character into more or deeper trouble, ask how they feel about that, then write again. Conflict is what happens to your character as much as what your character's reaction says about them.

Asks are always open if you have any questions!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for yelling at my friend?

this ones a long one.

bg info

so we're both 15, and he's done this thing a couple times where he'll create a new groupchat and exclude certain people who he's not as close to.

to me, this is mean, and i've spoken to him calmly about it before but he kinda just brushes it off and says he's just including close friends.

its also relevant that previously i may have enabled him. like, theres a girl neither of us like and we'd make fun of her sometimes, though not to her face, which is probably worse. i'm trying to be nicer to her but i dont get along with her very well.

on top of that, the origin of the gc we use now is that there was a bigger one and he told me "i just don't feel comfortable with some of these people". so i created a new group chat and let him pick who got added, with the agreement that we'd have to come to an agreement before adding more ppl, just for the sake of everyones comfort.

not sure if this is actually relevant or if im just salty but he doesn't spend time with the people in the gc at school, he sits with a group of juniors n seniors for lunchtimes and only comes around every so often. not sure if he's just spending one-on-one time with everyone or if he's actually not hanging out with us anymore.

into the actual inciting incident

today, we were talking about the groupchat to a friend we'd made recently and added today. he offhandedly mentioned one of the smaller groupchats he'd made for closer friends, and how no one had used it. i got really mad about how casual he was about something i thought was mean of him to do, so i told him something like "i just think that it's a rude thing to do."

and he said something like "well im just including our close friends", we kept going like this for a bit, and I yelled at him "why are the only people that matter the ones YOU like?" and there was more of a kerfuffle i don't remember, but i did in fact cry (self-provoked, he didnt say anything). i apologized for being so dramatic, and he left. it was class time so i left too, and my sister drives me and she had work so i left school really fast.

we have a little routine where we watch a show together on call though and he said yes when i asked about that. after asking him abt our show, i texted him n apologized for yelling at him n asked to talk but i said that i still thought that the way he treats people kinda sucks. no response.

what people irl said

like one person said that i was brave? and that they shoulve said something. the girl we added didnt say anything, and my other friend asked if i was okay after it was all over

why i might be an asshole

i think im being kinda on a moral high-horse when ive enabled and even kinda participated in this behavior before and ofc, yelling was very much an overreaction on my part

additionally, its not exactly a choice to not get along with some people?

why he might be an asshole

excluding people on purpose and ignoring my attempts to talk things out.

with the bias filter on, this behavior is pretty self-centered, because he doesn't hang out with us much at all, and he's never very invested in any of our interests or issues, but he still gets to dictate who gets to be in the "close friends" group chat?

for any advice

i really don't want to drop him as a friend, not just because i like spending time with him, which is most of it. the other part of it is that im really scared of what will happen if he gets mad at me, because i don't want to break up the friendgroup into people taking sides, and to a lesser extent im scared that if that does happen no one will take my side in that conflict. it just doesn't seem worth it to get into a blowout with him about this when i don't want to lose anyone.

thanks for reading all that, this is mostly just to organize my thoughts. render moral judgement at will.

What are these acronyms?

[eldritch-spouse]

pinnie mummy thank you for feeding us on the daily mwah. feel free to ignore this as it's very self indulgent but I've just finished work at 2 am again and I can't stop thinking about sth. Who do you think would like (or at the very least be able to handle) a workaholic partner - and who'd absolutely loathe it? Workaholic as in - 'I need to finish this I can't talk to anyone or get distracted by anything till I get stuff done'.

Would enjoy/get along with a workaholic:

Pinter thinks that's the fucking spirit right there! A good worker is a good partner! Your sheer determination to get things done quickly and to never leave loose ends makes him value you immensely as a person and partner. He'll be right beside you pulling 2 to 3am work shifts.

Patches feels a bit more at home with someone who understands what it's like to have a lot of work in their hands. Whether or not you're passionate about said work is a whole other story, but he's the type of guy that will pull all-nighters without hesitation. The dullahan does worry for your health though, he's undead -It can't get much worse- You're alive.

Morell is a hard worker as well. He gets into he hum drum of routine very easily and he's not fond of distractions, to the point where he might tell others to shut the fuck up while he works. This means that he'll understand when you need focus and won't push much, though there comes a time where he forcibly makes you stop.

Cero works harder than you'd expect. Sure, he's an arrogant cunt, but some of his genuine and well-earned pride comes from the fact that he's a diligent worker. He silently admires your dedication, even if all you hear is an insult about not being able to find a balance.

Rieba and Jayde are hard working imps, they see a lot of themselves in you. And while one is more visibly stressed than the other, both are kind of hot messes and appreciate someone who can empathize with their 2am struggles.

**Hudsyn hopes your all-nighters are born of feverish mania and energetic episodes like his, but that might not be the case, it usually isn't. Still, he's there to make sure you don't pass out. And, if you choose to, he's there to pick you up.

Can "handle it":

Zizz can handle a workaholic, in the sense that he'll set a timer for how long into the night you're allowed to stay awake, then will make his way over to you, put a hand on your head and swiftly make you conk the fuck out for as long as he deems necessary.

Belo and Jonesy love your sense of duty! It's truly a beautiful thing to see in a lesser. You're exemplary and so very determined, they swoon at the sight alone. However, Jonesy is quick to dictate that you can no longer keep working after a set amount of time, and Belo will join in on your task when he notices it's getting too late for a human to be up.

Nebul likes discipline. It's nice to know that you don't have trouble focusing on a specific task for long periods of time, that you don't complain about it. He's filing that way for later, when it's time to train you. That being said, the wraith is very much willing to use his authoritative presence to intimidate you out of exhausting yourself.

Flints, much like Nebul, enjoys someone who can focus easily and isn't so easily swayed out of their responsibilities. But he's going to stand next to you silently at some point, tapping a bat on his palm. It's only a matter of time until he starts heading your way with that bat if you don't go the fuck to sleep.

Hates it:

Roch doesn't like seeing you work that much, it genuinely makes him stress out over you. It's bad, like at least take some naps! He'll go out of his way to get on your lap or fall asleep on your work like a house cat. That's enough for a day, stop it.

Fank-e can't stand seeing you so focused for so long at a time. He gets antsy over not having enough interaction with you and can't stay quiet for too long, so your annoyed outbursts will hurt him. He just doesn't know what to do aside from sit there and fidget, forcing himself to be quiet, or just leave.

Fasma won't quit chastising you over how destructive those habits are for your health. Like, you might as well start smoking kid, the way you want to get a burnout, back problems or a depressive episode- You're too young to be doing that shit to your body, take a fucking breather...

Obie likewise doesn't enjoy seeing you stay up so late over things that, to him, seem trivial. Stuff you could finish later or tomorrow. It reminds him of his mom, how she sometimes had to work much more than most sloth demons tolerate, and it would occasionally show in the way her mood would plummet.

Grimbly will perceive this as being ignored and will immediately hate it. There'll be many petty comments about how you don't even really need to work that specific job anyway. Sure, he likes to be spoiled, but working at The Clergy's Eye means he probably makes a lot more money than you, you know?

**[The ending of our little game with Hudsyn will alter him permanently as a character, meaning that depending on how things go, he'll behave very differently in many scenarios. So, in case things sour and you're reading this in the future thinking "That's not the Hudd I know", just know that we're still mid-game here :7]

[achaotichuman]

Random Ramble

I think it is hilarious how some people are so aggressive about sticking so thoroughly to canon, and not allowing for any room for imagination, because like, my brother in christ, canon does not exist.

None of these are real, the characters are not real, the story is not real. There is no such thing as canon.

There is only such thing as the op. The one who originally made the story and the characters, which is why we have copyright. So that no one can *make money off of these characters and the story*

But so long as you aren't plagiarizing the story in order to make your own money off of it. Once these characters are published and, in the world, everyone has free reign with them.

Once they are in your head, they are your characters. Which is why people interrupt their actions differently. Because the characters will appear different in your head compared to anyone else, including the author.

Idk the origins of the term canon, nor have I done any research on the topic (I'm just rambling) but tbh in my eyes it appears like we as a society have allowed money to ingrain itself so deeply into us as people, that we allow to dictate what we think. And this goes for the idea of canon.

Because the actual author is one making money off the books (rightfully so) it has become a sort of, is their way or the highway (this is just a half-thought through theory btw don't take it too seriously)

Which is why I personally love to take said characters and do whatever the fuck I want with them. Because whatever I make them do is in character for me, and even if it isn't, it might be for someone else. Because while they are in my hands, they are my characters.

Consider this a freedom post. You are free to think whatever the fuck you want, none of these people are real. Make Elain a villain, give Kosechi a love interest, make Feyre and Tamlin get back together after she divorces Rhysand. It doesn't matter what the og author thinks, so long as you aren't making money off these characters, you can do whatever the hell you want with them.

And I don't mean make theories crack, I mean you are allowed to genuinely believe this is the best course of action, even if you know the og author won't take it that way.

Cause personally, I do think Tamcien is a plausible ship, and I hope it happens in canon. Do I think it will? No, but Tamlin and Lucien are my characters when they are in my head, so I am allowed to think whatever the fuck I want about them. And same goes for people who disagree with me.

Like some people want Lucien to take over the world, I do not. Some people want Tamlin to die, I do not. Some people want a myriad of things that I do not, and both of those ideas are in character, so long as they are in your head.

Make elriel your canon, make elucien your canon. Fuck it, make Rhysand/Beron your canon.

The only person judging you in the voice in your head, and people on the internet and who gives two fucks what they think. Get as weird as you want, it's all canon, cause none of this is real.

[wackyrumble]

Wackiest Character Tournament

does explaining your guy (gender neutral) make other people laugh? go "what the fuck?" "Huh?" personally, i adore characters who's existence sounds stupid and nonsensical. thus... the tournament is born.

send me only your most absurd sounding characters here and let them fight

regular rule applies: you can nominate multiple characters but do not nominate the same character multiple times number of submissions doesn't matter here what matters is their levels of wacky

i'm not checking the things the characters are from for being problematic and i am not well acquainted with what is generally considered to be so be advised. i might do background checks on characters but not what they're from, but if it's like an extreme case, you are free to bring it up to me and argue why a character should be removed i will hear you out. generally, if the character that is being nominated isn't abhorrent themselves (nazi, pedo, etc i will be the judge on that) it's acceptable

no harry potter submissions though fuck you guys

no real people unless it's really funny i'm counting the dsmp guys in no real people mostly because i just do not like that series but also i don't know shit about where it falls on the real people-ness thing but i doubt it's funny enough for me. i guess you can try though

i will accept ocs IF i think they fit and you can provide an image (i will accept a picrew with credit)

characters will be chosen based on highest levels of weird, so feel free to submit your most obscure guys! i also ask people do vote in polls on the basis of which character is more weird (descriptions will be included) rather than actual character preference in the name of science. obviously i cannot control anybody to actually do this but please keep in mind that's what i would prefer

tagging some tournaments i like :) @weirdstrangeguybattle @latine-showdown @miss-latam-sexy-tournament @guess-that-ship @who-do-i-know-this-man @insanepoll @ultimate-word-tournament

examples and such below:

if you're unsure what counts, i'd say follow your heart. basically just assume that so long as it's not realistic and describing them to another person might make them laugh or confused they are a viable fighter, they don't need to have a quirky personality themselves if everything else about them is the utmost quirky. i will dictate what does and does not count at my own discretion

examples

- dark riku from kingdom hearts: a replica of a replica of a guy named riku that time travelled to the future. the guy's deal is so confusing and not explained clearly enough that i think majority of the fandom still don't know what the hell he is. there's a scene where the riku replica is apprehending dark riku and riku is watching them

- denji from chainsaw man: was in debt for like a fuck ton of money and sold one of his balls, later became a devil hunter and all he wanted from his job was to touch boobs. loves dating women who want to kill him, had a whole sharknado scene where he was trying to kill his girlfriend

- don't hug me i'm scared characters probably

- most yugioh characters probably

[codenamesazanka]

If both Tenko and Tomura are supposed to be fake personas than it really doesn't matter anymore, does it? Now you can't go back to being Tenko, either, because that's also fake and attached to pain. And the reveal that AfO was even responsible for his childhood friends is brutal. Next thing we'll find out is that he didn't just come up with the name Tomura, but also Tenko.

(so I agree that atp the best way to fix this would be to say fuck it and reclaim everything, the League most of all, because they're his friends and the only people who have never rejected him, and that's something AfO can never understand.)

That's the thing, isn't it? If 'Shigaraki Tomura' and his gloominess and hatred and villainous shonen protag vibe was just a façade created by AFO, then we needed to ditch that and go back to an untainted Before - Shimura Tenko. His true self. Except now, it seems 'Shimura Tenko', his existence as a younger brother and the life he lived in his father's house and his heroic dreams, is also a bit of a constructed façade, so... do we ditch that too?

Like, in chapter 379, we have Shigaraki taking back control, saying that he knows AFO manipulated him, but whatever, fuck off, he's running the show now. Shigaraki falls back on his origin, using "Shimura Tenko suffering in his father house" as his anchor point. This is why AFO had to upend that too, to tell Shigaraki even that origin was manipulated in some way. Completely leaving him unmoored.

One can say, no! That origin is still real. Shimura Tenko was loved by his parents! He had a sister. He had a dog. He had considered Mikkun and Tomo-chan to be friends and he was excited to have a Hero for a grandma. AFO might have nudged him towards certain directions, AFO's handprints might be all over his childhood, but he can't be responsible all of Tenko's feelings and thoughts and dreams. He can't control how Tenko understands and processes his experiences. That's impossible.

But if that's true for Tenko, then it has to be true for Tomura as well? Here, AFO obviously had much more influence over Tomura's life because he was now raising the kid, but he still can't dictate totally everything Tomura felt or thought. (I think this is actually clearest in Shigaraki's hatred - AFO cultivated it, but it grew beyond his expectations, it became too strong and powerful for AFO to handle. Even overwhelmed and suppressed him.) Tomura grew into himself. He might have been building off of AFO's resources and teachings, but it was still him learning to find his conviction and creating a team and chasing after a dream.

So like, I don't think Tenko is fake. I don't think Tomura is fake, either. I don't think AFO apparently having influenced his childhood heroic dreams and encouraging a strong will means those things are utterly false and should be thrown out, same as how Shigaraki's very real frustrations over hero society and injustice shouldn't been dismissed just because AFO gave him opportunity to see the worse failures of it. Real is what Shigaraki makes of it.

Thanks for the ask!

[viscardiac]

Hello. I wonder if you are taking requests, can you write for Baelon, Aemon, Daemon Blackfyre, Rickard Stark, Eddard Stark, Stannis Baratheon, Roose Bolton as a husband?

Sup. I kinda realized along the way that i can't really do that number of characters on a request because the dopamine slips from my fingers. I did do the first ones, though, so have at it.

Baelon strikes me, specially in his youth, as the type who just can't sit still. He got along with Alyssa for that same reason, she couldn't sit still either. How disappointed must she have been when he marries you! If Baelon is to be your husband, you better be ready to be always on the move, always doing something. Baelon was always the most intense of Jaehaerys' older boys, which might be overwhelming if his wife is not the same, factor that does too apply to the bedroom. Baelon wants to be with his wife time and again, and chances are the children will not take long to come as well. It might be a problem if he is with someone with a colder personality, more contained and rigid, the relationship might suffer the strain for it.

I'm assuming you mean the Aemon who was Jaehaerys' son. Aemon might need a partner who will understand he's not trying to be difficult, he just wants to consider every possibility. He's likelier to be in love from afar than his younger brother, who will absolutely push him to go over to talk to you. But once things have settled, he'd be the sort to remember everything about you. Knows just what kind of food you like to eat, what you do when you're sad, how you like to celebrate, but is often shy to act on what he knows would be the best course of action. Aemon is the one who wants to know everything about everything, and that often makes him forget that he doesn't let on much about himself either. Your husband knows evertything about you, but you barely know what he likes best to eat. Maybe it's hard for him to talk about himself. Maybe it'll be even harder to notice he hasn't told you when his birthday is. He doesn't do it out of malice, mind you, but doesn't make it easier for his s/o. Treats them with all the care in the world… but do you really know where he went when he saddled Caraxes this morning?

Daemon Blackfyre is his father's son -- though not necessarily in a negative way. He seems to have a difficulty in seeing how things end up long term, and wants things when he wants them. That might have been the case with his spouse as well. One day he barely knows they exist, the other, they can no longer live without them. I think a long term relationship with him would take a cyclic form, growing and fading time and again as the months come and go. This month he's bewitched by you, the next month, he can't stand the sight of you. It's not necessarily malicious, but it can become so if the opportunity arises. He needs time to fall in and out of love again and again, and is much more martial than his father had been. Things can shift in a matter of moments. The part of the cycle he's in dictates how he treats you when you're alone or in bed. He may be caring, giving, and will prioritize you over him when he's at the highest points, but at the lowest ones, it's about what he wants and what you're going to give him, with some measure of violence on the gesture, intentional or not. He is always present, though. The exception is war, to which he does not take you along. He may leave at whichever point in the rollercoaster, and while he's away, you can't expect to be the only one. But he always comes back missing you, and missing everything you represent. No matter how sometimes he may think he hates you, he knows he doesn't.

Rickard Stark is the kind of man to put his hands on your shoulders while the both of you stare out of a window on a tower and ask you what do you see. When he looks, he sees into the distance, too far for you to know where. He was always an ambitious man, however quiet, silent that ambition was, and having a spouse to share that with would be a joy to him. To plot futures and scheme alliances. Yes, there must always be a Stark in Winterfell, but why shouldn't there be a Stark in court, or in the citadel, or overseeing the Narrow Sea? He is a rigid man, made to face whatever the winter throws at him, but the what ifs are too much to bear alone. His maester shared that ambition, and if you do not, rest assured, there will be conflict. And while he is open to new views, new ideas, he's also very keen on what he has learned as the right way to do things. He can be persuaded, of course, but that might take a while.

Eddard Stark is nothing short of dutiful, and much harder to approach. He will always be by your side, like he has been taught a husband should, but truth is, he's got no clue what he's getting himself into. He makes his best effort, mind you, but he's not one to share his burdens or his opinions and emotions. His father knew what to do, his brother knew what to do, and he's been relying on the fact that people think he knows what he's doing since he became Lord of Winterfell. He needs clear words, honest and simple, to know what he can and should entrust you or not. Maybe he needs to be confided in before he can confide. If a cold marriage is what the future had in store for him, then so it is, but it's not what he wants, and finally being able to feel like he's not so alone anymore will definitely have its weight, however different from him you might be.

[genderqueerdykes]

I’ve identified as a man for about 2 or so years and trans for about 5 or so years (previously non-binary for about 3 years while I figured things out). Recently YouTube has been pushing a lot of “I regret transitioning and so will you” and “you’ll regret top surgery” etc. videos to me. While I believed I was pretty stable in my identity, I’m starting to doubt if I’m really trans or if the “gender critical” people are right. I’m currently in the process of getting on T and the idea that I’ll regret it in the future is horrifying, any tips?

Hello there, that's why those types of videos and posts are worded so aggressively- starting their phrasing with "you will" makes you feel a sense of urgency and like you have to take what they say word for word as a fact, as they used "will" and not "may". They are using this verbiage to strike fear and confusion into the hearts of those that see it, not to genuinely try to inform people of a potential mistake they're making. if these videos were framed from a point of concern, they would be titled something like "I regret top surgery, and you might too, here's why" Or something gentle like that. This is 100% for shock value and clickbait. Please keep in mind that everything on YouTube is titled in a shocking and aggressive fashion to try to get you to click.

Those people are more than likely terfs. The fact of the matter is that person regretted top surgery, but they can't speak for every single person who has ever gotten it or has ever wanted to. having the nerve to try to speak for every single person because they experience regret doesn't make them right, it makes them an asshole. their experience does not line up with what the vast majority of people who undergo these surgeries, and while it is important to hear from people who regret these decisions, using aggressive verbiage to strike fear into people's hearts is not the way to go about it. That is an attempt to brainwash

I would say every time you encounter something like that, head to a community like tumblr and browse the top surgery tags and hear from other people who have undergone it. Just because one person feels regret and wants to make other people feel bad for not feeling the same way as them doesn't make them right, it makes them aggressive and hostile.

They are not the protagonist of the post-top surgery community. They do not have the right to dictate how you will feel after surgery. They don't know you. They can't tell you how you will feel through a YouTube video. They are just trying to scare you.

Disregard things like this, they are literally designed to scare you and make you doubt yourself. Whenever you come across things like this, look to other people who have undergone surgery and listen to their stories. See the happy tears in their eyes and listen to the stories of how gender affirming surgeries save lives.

Even if you end up regretting top surgery for whatever reason, it doesn't make you wrong, stupid or bad. You're allowed to make mistakes and be wrong. Every single person on this planet is allowed to make mistakes. It's how we learn. You're allowed to do what you believe is right for yourself in this moment even if you regret it down the line- not a single person on this earth can predict regret, it's a feeling that comes after, not before. Don't let the thought of potential regret hold you back if someone else is telling you you'll regret it. Only listen if that feeling is coming from your own gut first and you have good reason.

Hope that helps. Fuck people who word things like that. It's not worth your time and energy, take care of yourself. You are the one who gets to decide what you feel. Someone else telling you how you will feel will color your perspective and make you see things differently than you would have otherwise. Focus on how you genuinely feel, not what total strangers have to say about someone they don't know just because they want YouTube clicks and ad revenue. They have a massive ulterior motive, and it is not benefiting you or any other viewer. Their motive is profit (and spreading their own anecdotal experience as factual truth). - K

[sophsicle]

PART III (the prince & the pirate)

Part I, Part 2

"There's still the issue of the marriage contract."

Regulus is sitting at the head of an excessively grand wooden table. Old men on either side of it, staring at him as he sinks lower and lower in his chair. The crown on his head digging into his skull.

"Marriage contract," he says numbly, fingers coming up to pinch the bridge of his nose.

"Yes," Severus goes on. "Your brother was engaged to be married. Your father worked incredibly hard negotiating the terms. She comes with quite the dowry."

"Does she," Regulus says dryly, he's exhausted, the air so thick in this room he feels like he's drowning in it. He wants to ask someone to open a window but no doubt that would get twisted into another rumour about how frail and sick he is. "And what is the dowry, exactly?"

"Her father's gold. Enough to pay an army. Or just about."

Ah.

Well.

That'll do it.

"Something we need then."

"Quite desperately. Yes."

Regulus sighs, forcing himself to sit up straight. Unlike the rest of the men in the room, Severus is standing. Looming over Regulus's shoulder, dictating to him the meaning of the dozens of royal documents in front of him.

Acts and decrees and...marriage contracts...apparently.

"Does her father know?" he forces himself to ask.

"That your brother has abdicated the throne?"

"He hasn't abdicated," Regulus snaps, silence following his words. Embarrassing silence. He lets out a frustrated huff, adjusting the crown on his head, feeling the weight of all the eyes in the room.

"What is it you want me to do about the marriage contract Severus?" he demands finally.

The man next to him appears unfazed. "I want you to fulfill it, your Majesty."

"Yes well, when my brother gets back--"

"Her father isn't interested in a groom who can't be found, or relied upon."

"Careful Severus," he hisses. "That's nearly treasonous."

The dark haired man bows his head. "Apologies, your Majesty." He does not sound sorry. Regulus doesn't blame him. He's right after all.

"You want me to take my brother's place, that's what you're saying?" another adjustment of his crown. The damned thing just won't sit right.

"I believe that is the only way to ensure the terms of the contract will be met, yes."

"The contract that will ensure we have an army when the families decide to attack." Which will likely be soon. His father had a spy network in place when he died, they've been bringing Regulus reports. The families: Malfoy, Longbottom, Crouch, Rosier. They're plotting. It's only a matter of time. A matter of days.

"Yes."

"Which we need."

"Yes."

Regulus sighs, running a hand over his face and looking down at the parchment in front of him. He feels overwhelmed and underprepared. He's the second son, no one ever taught him how to do this. How to be King. He was supposed to spend his life in the church. Reading and transcribing and talking to no one but the gods for decades at a time.

He isn't a leader.

Not like Sirius.

He never has been.

Hours later he finds himself still sitting at that table, staring at the contract in front of him. The old men dismissed. Severus along with them. Leaving Regulus alone.

Marriage.

Fuck.

Fuck.

He pushes back from the table, going to the window.

He's out there again - the pirate. Out with Sirius's stupid dogs. Regulus has had him watched for days and he's done nothing but drink and fuck and play with those goddamn hounds. Like the kingdom isn't falling to pieces around them. Like his brother hasn't just slipped a noose around his neck and then fucked off to who knows where to do who knows what.

Regulus feels his hands curl into fists.

He'd been hoping Potter would slip up. Make some mistake. Post a letter. Whisper the wrong thing in the wrong person's ear. Hoping he'd give some sign of where Sirius might be. Where Regulus could start his search. But there's been nothing. Maybe his mother was right. Maybe he is being too soft.

It's sunny out. Sky clear, big puffy white clouds drifting by. The hounds bark and growl, chasing after sticks. They run into one another, play fighting, making the pirate - James - laugh. It's a deep noise. Warm. Like melted butter.

"Having fun?"

The other man whips around, concern on his face for a moment, hand going to the blade at his hip. But when he sees it's Regulus he relaxes. Which only infuriates Regulus more. He's acting king after all, James Potter should be scared of him.

"The rumours were false, I see," an easy grin as his eyes run Regulus up and down. It makes him feel oddly exposed and he adjusts his positions self-consciously.

"What rumours?"

"That you're allergic to the sun."

Regulus gives him a flat look. "Hilarious."

James holds his hands up in surrender, still grinning as the dogs come over, jumping up and down against him. "I'm just saying, I've never seen you step foot outside the palace before."

He's trying to tease. To flirt. But Regulus is not some easily charmed barmaid. And he's tired of being lied to. "You're meant to kneel you know," he says coldly. "When in the presence of the monarch."

James apparently finds this funny. "Am I? You'll have to excuse me, I haven't spent much time at court."

"I don't excuse you," Regulus snaps. "I don't excuse your insolence or your poor manners. Kneel."

James stares at him for a moment, something thoughtful in his eyes now. Maybe seeing Regulus for the first time. Eventually he holds his arms out, making a big show of sinking to one knee. He doesn't drop his head though. Eyes locked on Regulus's. Defiant. Yes, Regulus can see why Sirius likes him. They're one in the same.

"Where is my brother?"

"I told you, I don't k-"

"Guards," Regulus calls out, two armoured men emerge from the shadows, coming up on either side of James before he can react. One holding him still, the other putting a blade to his neck.

Regulus arches his brow. "Shall we try this again?"

James stares at him for a long moment, before the insufferable smirk returns to his mouth. "Is the sword magic?" he asks, glancing down briefly.

Regulus does not deign to answer that.

"Because unless it's capable of giving me information I did not already have my answer hasn't changed."

Regulus wants to smash his pretty face into the ground. "You are insufferable."

"Well, I'd be happy to get out of your hair, but in case you've forgotten, you've taken my fucking boat." The first signs of frustration breaking through James's usually unbothered exterior.

"Tell me where my brother is and I'll give it back."

"I don't know."

"You do."

"I don't."

"DO YOU THINK THIS IS A GAME?" he isn't proud of how desperate those words sound, bouncing around them. All three of the men in front of him look shocked by the outburst. "This is my life!" Regulus goes on, emotion clawing at his throat. "This is my life you two are toying with! This is the lives of thousands of people!" he shakes his head, hands running through his hair, knocking the crown from his head and into the grass. He doesn't care. "I knew Sirius was selfish," lips curling in disgust. "But I had no idea he cared so little for the rest of us."

James looks pained. "No he - it isn't like that. Regulus - " he doesn't get to finish that sentence, the guard next to him switching his grip on his sword and slamming the hilt into James's face. Blood splatters onto the ground. Regulus forces himself not to flinch.

"I am acting King. You will address me as such. Is that understood?"

There's a pause, James's face still turned away, shoulders heaving up and down as he catches his breath.

"Is. That. Understood."

Finally, the other man looks up, blood dotting his chin. Eyes sharp. "Perfectly."

That stare twists something in Regulus. Something low in the pit of his stomach. But he shakes it off, turning to the two guards. "Lock him up."

"What?" James demands, the men on either side of him hauling him to his feet. Regulus keeps his face impassive.

"I'm done asking nicely James. Tell me where my brother is."

James fights against the guards' restraining hands but he doesn't get anywhere. "Re--your Majesty, please."

But Regulus remains unmoved. "Where. Is. My. Brother."

James stops struggling, letting out a deep breath before bringing his gaze back to his king. "I don't know."

Something nasty curdles inside Regulus. "Well then," he nods to the guards. "I'll just have to take you apart until you do."