#just because I don’t know what to do with myself at the moment

[5sospenguinqueen]

Play Pretend | Charles Leclerc x Law Student! Reader

Summary: He's Lightning McQueen. You're Elle Woods. But, when Charles misses you, he makes it known that perhaps your career isn't as important as his wishes to start a family.

Warnings: Swearing. Angst. Baby fever? Miscommunication.

Female reader with various faceclaims. Pics found on Pinterest.

2024 but some events switched around 

I'm trying to make all of these different to each other so I'm sorry that this one was less baby fever and more baby mention.

Main Masterlist

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YourUserName just posted

liked by maxverstappen1, francisca.cgomes and others 

YourUserName the cause of stress v. the support systems   tagged: charles_leclerc, YourBestFriend

6,883 comments

User1 i love how all her captions ft her degree are legal themed 

User2 our favourite elle woods 

charles_leclerc ❤️💛

charles_leclerc mon ange, what are you doing in that second photo

→ YourUserName it’s probably best you don’t know, char

→ YourBestFriend cocktails were involved

→ charles_leclerc this is why i don’t like leaving her with you 

→ YourBestFriend cry me a river, vroom vroom boy 

User3 i love that max follows charles’ gf but not charles himself 

francisca.cgomes get that degree, girl! 

lilymhe i still think i would be a better support system than charles

→ YourUserName and i fully agree. let’s run away together

→ alex_albon whoa, whoa, whoa. get your own girlfriend

→ charles_leclerc she already has her own girlfriend! 

→ charles_leclerc wait, no

→ User4 the prettiest girlfriend

User5 i swear charles and y/n are the cutest f1 couple

→ User6 they always look so infatuated with each other 

→ User7 umm, how? she's literally never at races 

→ User8 because she’s off being successful in her own way, and charles supports that? plus, she’s always snapped in ferrari merch on race days whether she’s there or not

→ User9 omg yes! when a classmate took a pic of her leaving a final in bright red, and she was easily the most spottable person in that hall 

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charles_leclerc just posted

liked by pierregasly, arthur_leclerc and others

charles_leclerc welcome home baby leo  tagged: YourUserName

12,298 comments

User10 omg dad charles!! 

User11 charles in his dog dad era

User12 we’ve only had leo for a minute now but if anything happened to him, i would kill everyone here and then myself 

YourUserName my two favourite boys ❤️

→ User13 mom and dad!! 

User14 did you see in the background of one of the pics, they have his “birth certificate” framed and it says leo leclerc-y/l/n. he truly is their child

→ User15 omg they would make the best parents

→ User16 agreed! i can’t wait for them to have a baby. it would be too cute, i fear

roscoelovescoco can’t wait’s to see’s a new’s friend in’s the paddock’s 

→ User17 roscoe-leo play date when please

→ User18 not until 2025 😂

User19 but let’s all take a moment to appreciate how cool leo’s parents are. he has an f1 racer for a dad, and a fashionable law student for a mum

→ User20 haha his parents are lightning mcqueen and elle woods 

pierregasly thanks mate. now kika is going to want one

→ YourUserName and you should give her one. i need a mum friend 

User21 first they adopt ollie and now leo. who’s next

→ YourUserName oscar

→ User21 omg i love you! 

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User1 the interviewer was asking about future races and charles wasted no time in bringing up his girlfriend. he’s so down bad 

User2 the way his face lights up when he talks about her. he really does love her. 

User3 how cute. they’ve just gotten a puppy together, and he’s already thinking about all the future things he wants to do 

User4 oh Charles, honey, that’s not giving what you think it is 

User5 any other woman slightly uncomfortable with the way this was worded?

→ User6 lets all take a moment to remember that english isn’t his first language. he obviously meant well, and the love in his eyes shows that he’s excited about a life with y/n, it just wasn’t worded in the best way 

User7 the interviewer was so skeezy for that last comment though

→ User8 it’s the way charles' face changed when the interviewer said that. like he realised what he was saying came across the wrong way 

User9 i feel so bad for y/n. she’s always so supportive of charles' races, even when she’s not there, and charles is talking about how he can't wait for her to be done with her degree so she can follow him around the world 

→ User10 i don’t think he meant it that way. he looked horrified when the interviewer interpreted it that way but the interview ended before he could clarify further 

User11 do we think mom and dad are fighting after his *slightly* misogynistic comments about making her a kept woman

→ User12 i really hope not but my heart says yes because he basically said he’ll turn her into a travel wife who only cares about his career but said nothing about her career that she’s working really hard on

User13 i’m hoping that she’s just mad at him and eventually they’ll talk this through

→ User14 praying. like it wasn’t a great thing to say but hopefully they argue, say a few harsh words and carry on being the most adorable couple in f1

User15 i didn’t realise how much i depended on y/n’s post race posts until i didn’t get one

→ User16 she always posts the most panty-dropping post race charles pics 

User17 i miss them already 

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User1 oh god, it’s official

User2 i am not feeling good

User3 brb just gonna go cry my eyes out for an hour 

User4 what do you mean mum and dad have broken up 

User5 literally half of her insta posts have disappeared because they were all charles 

→ User6 the only thing keeping me sane is that any post where he wasn’t the main focus but slightly in them have been kept 

User7 omg I just checked and it’s true!!!

User8 i know we didn’t get her in the paddock all the time but i’m going to miss seeing her ferrari themed fits 

User9 the nation of monaco is in mourning

User10 can someone check on ollie? see how he’s coping as a child of divorce 

liked by OllieBearman

User11 yes, yes. this is all very sad but now that i’m done crying, can we talk about what is going to happen with leo? is this going to be a shared custody agreement?

→ User12 how could i forget about leo. do you think they’ll see each other at child drop off or make arthur be the middle man?

User13 i can't believe they just got a puppy together and now they’re going to be co-parenting instead :( 

User14 i no longer believe in love

User15 maybe this is just a minor speed bump in the road to their everlasting happiness? (yes, i’m hoping that they’re simply taking a small break)

→ User16 may all your delulus come trululu

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YourUserName just posted

liked by lilymhe, arthur_leclerc and others 

YourUserName the verdict is unanimous… I’m stressing

3,880 comments

YourBestFriend this barbies practices law

→ YourUserName and she wouldn’t be complete without her historian barbie

→ YourBestFriend not long left, babe. just a couple of exams and we’re qualified adults

→ YourUserName i don’t think we should ever be classed as qualified adults lol 

→ YourMum i still can't get over the fact that you two used to play pretend lawyers as little girls and now you're actually going to be one

lilymhe good luck, y/n. you’re gonna smash these! 

→ YourUserName if not, fancy running me over with your golf cart? 

francisca.cgomes good luck, beautiful girl. and if all else fails, at least you can boast that you know latin

→ YourUserName ut dulcis es, kiks. 

→ francisca.cgomes see, not a clue what you said. But i miss you trying to teach me. brunch soon? 

liked by YourUserName

arthur_leclerc good luck, y/n/n. try not to drink too much caffeine 

→ YourUserName i’m not that bad! 

→ arthur_leclerc you cannot lie to me. i have had to listen to you after three red bulls

→ landonorris betrayal! 

User1 she’s so real for that last slide tho. like miss y/l/n you are gorgeous and we’re glad you know it

YourClassmate how do you look so nice despite being in the library until 2am?

→ User2 dude, no. that line is not going to pull the stunning y/n y/l/n

→ User3 literally, the love of her life is charles leclerc and this guy thinks he’s going to win her over with a bad line 

User4 i’m jealous of how neat those notes are though. i don’t think i’ve ever written that neat 

User5 good luck. don’t let charles’ silly comments stop you from achieving your goals 

User6 guys, is anyone else missing the sweet comments charles would always leave 

→ User7 he would be agreeing with the last slide and telling her how beautiful and smart she is 

→ User8 how about we don’t remind her of her ex-boyfriend the day before her life-changing exams

User9 good luck, y/n. we’re all hoping you do well! 

carlossainz55 good luck🤞🏼

→ User10 not sainz being messy on main

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charles_leclerc just posted

liked by pierregasly, scuderiaferrari and others

charles_leclerc there is nothing like racing in italy for ferrari. i wish we had a better result, but that was the maximum today. we’ll try again next week. 

8,449 comments

User11 the maximum? babe, you were still on the podium. we’re all proud 

User12 eyes on monaco! charles leclerc, prince of ferrari 

User13 how does one man look THIS good 

User14 did you see his interview of him on his way out of the paddock? man was in a rush with poor leo tucked under his arm

→ User15 it’s y/n’s week with leo so charles was running out there because it was time to go see his favourite girl 

→ User16 he was not wasting a minute to see the love of his life 

User17 charles racing faster to go see his ex-girlfriend who he’s wildly obsessed with than he did all weekend 

→ User18 bestie you better pray he doesn’t see this 

→ User17 why? ‘cause he’ll have to fight the urge to like it 

→ User19 uh, he got a podium. i'd say he drove pretty fast

→ User17 omg guys this wasn’t a criticism on his driving, more of a comparison for how badly he wanted to see y/n

User20 i’m so happy that it’s y/n’s week with leo because we’re going to get the most adorable puppy pics on her story all week

→ User21 also it means that his parents will be conversing 

User22 i love that we’re all depending on leo to get f1’s favourite couple back together 

→ User23 a bad argument tore them apart but an adorable puppy will mend everything 

→ User24 literally, the more they see each other and the more they talk, the sooner they’ll realise they couldn't be with anyone but each other 

Baby Fever Angst

Daniel's Version | Max's Version | Lando's Version

Lance's Version

Oscar's version will come out next and then I promise, I'll release some of the Part 2s before making any more

(This wasn’t due out until tomorrow but I’ve released it earlier in honour of THE MONACO WIN BABY!!!!!!) 🥳🍾🥳🍾

Tag list

@lav3nder-haze @minkyungseokie @callsignwidow @luvrrish @fall-bambi @evans-dejong @sadsierra2 @justdreamersdream @spookystitchery @dark-night-sky-99 @raizelchrysanderoctavius @elijahslover @luckyladycreator2 @bborra @mrosales16 @reguluscrystals @brsr @tvdtw4ever @alwaysclassyeagle @gigicisneros @spanishcorndogs @dullypully @thecubanator2 @goldenharrysworld @awritingtree @jxnellat @sbrn0905 @hc-dutch @mxdi0 @buckybarnessweetheart @ironmaiden1313 @dreamercrowd @yourbane @glow-ish

[pixiecapsalt]

Here’s a translation of what Bagi said at the end of her stream.

Bagi: I really wanted to say that QSMP was an opportunity I’ve never had before in my life. Because I impeded myself from taking those opportunities, in the sense of communicating with other creators from countries. When I was a kid I learned and practiced a little bit of English but I never practiced after leaving school because I never had the opportunity and I ended up accepting that I’d never go back to speaking in English because I didn’t practice and if I needed to do it then I’d be shit because I wouldn’t be able to communicate. So when Cellbit spoke to me saying, “Look we really want you to participate in QSMP with us.” I said, “Dude, my communication with people from other countries is going to be very difficult.” And there he said, “You don’t need to worry the translator works really well.” And honestly the translator worked really well because it allowed me to not just communicate with people from various countries, in my own native language, but also allowed me to learn words & terms in other languages.

And I think that I learned a lot culturally speaking because various people from various countries could share their cultures. Which to me is something that is more valuable than anything else. We consume a lot from our own culture and what we see on TV but actually co existing with people from different cultures every day for various hours a day was very cool for learning many new things. I think that QSMP was an experience that wasn’t just very fun but for me, as a player, was an experience that changed my life. Because now I have friends from various parts of the world, I have various people who I met personally who I love, and various more that I still want to meet and be able to do many things together. We lived many cool moments and even if they were characters we were playing, as if they were small scripts we were playing, even then we still lived emotions that were very real. We lived through suffering together, happiness together, and much more. We shared many cool emotions together and so that created a great relationship between the content creators.

From getting along and starting to directly interact on the server to, for instance, people accompanying me late nights while I dug a whole, that refers to the players as much as it does to the administrators as well who’d stay up late digging the hole and updating twitter, doing many things with me. When I only wanted to log on the server, do Lucky Ducks, dig my whole, there was always people to participate and do things with me. And so it was always a lot of fun and it was always people from various places. (…) Because I already knew Cellbit and Felps for a long time but getting close to Pac and Mike was very crazy and it was very fun. The entire experience was very fun. And that’s it.

I think what I’m most grateful for about the QSMP was all the people that connected us. All the people who participated and permitted us to create genuine connections during the game. Because it’s only a game but at the same time everyone who is participating are real people with real feelings who share real things, you know? So it was very cool. I met many fun people who were very cool to spend all this time with. Not just the creators but the team. Everyone. So it was very cool. Very cool.

And I think that the most important thing of all is that you live through experiences in your life with various people and experiences come and go but the mark you leave on people and the mark they leave on your life is permanent. And so experiences come and go, people come and go, but the mark people leave is permanent. The mark that all these creators, all the team, all the actors of QSMP as well, of the eggs, of the characters, left a permanent mark on me that I’ll never forget because it was very cool. I hope still to find the creators, live many fun things with them still, and that’s it. I think I’ve participated in many cool things, I’ve done many cool things in my career and QSMP definitely was one of them. I have many good memories created with the server and people who participated with me. It was very very very fun.

(Bagi also said she wants to have a chat with Elena one day to discuss what she said about the Rebels with Walter Bob there as well)

if i made any typos no i didnt goodbye.

[oocfreaky]

🍂 ₊ ⊹ unresistable ex . ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

PAIRING :: Matt x Danielle (Reader)

WARNING :: smut, unprotected sex, backshots, ( perhaps writing errors ‼ )

SUMMARY - you go to a party, not expecting to see your ex boyfriend there. you guys end up in the same room once he sees you trying to hide from him, which leads to a intimate moment between the both of you …

✎ AUTHOR’S NOTE - this indeed is my first tumblr so it won’t be as well as any of the other ones out there and lowkey felt like making one for this MAN (he’s too majestic not to), enjoy ??

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DANIELLE’S POV ::

i wear the outfit my bestfriend made me wear to this stupid party; a lettuce bell bottom sleeved crop top, baggy jeans, sneakers to match my shirt, silver jewelry to compliment my black hair and makeup, topped off with these sunglasses that i don’t need since it is night. i walk toward the party that my bestfriend forced me to come to. i sigh before taking a few steps. there basically aren’t any lights and just led projectors, a movie playing for no reason, music blasting through speakers, then that’s when i see somebody familiar in the worst way.

there he was, matt sturniolo. he looks so good in his orange polo, white jacket, jeans and boots. he looks like a dad in a sick, yet, attractive way. i didn’t like him, in fact, i was over matthew. i roll my eyes playfully, even if he doesn’t see. i smile faintly, making my way upstairs. i take one glance back as i head up; he sees me.

in a panic, i rush to the nearest room and it was dark. i turn the lights on and see it was some guy’s room. i sit on the edge of the bed and play with ring intertwined in the necklace i had on; matt’s ring. i out my purse on and look in the mirror. suddenly, somebody knocks on the door, getting me startled.

i gulped and fix my hair, ready to leave and open the door. i walk so quickly, i run into the guy’s chest. i chuckle, “sorry, didn’t see you ther…” i get interrupted by my eyes meeting matt’s, “could this night get any more embarrassing,” i thought to myself.

he grins ear to ear, towers over me. he looks down at me and chuckles softly, “where do you think you’re going,” he questions and i look away, clearly awkward about this whole interaction. i was still the bashful kind and he wa still confident. of course, when we first met, he was shy too, but his confidence grew onto him and is why i loved him so much, but also the reason why it all ended.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

MATT’S POV ::

she looked like a dream, just like the same day we met, she looked beautiful like always. her embarrassment didn’t change one bit, she was the bashful kind when we started talking and that’s why i fell in love with her, sucks that it didn’t last, but maybe that spark can return after tonight; i got everything planned in my mind.

“i’m going to go get a drink since i walked her, moorest road is a bit far from my place so,” she gets through and tries to make her way down, but she doesn’t make a step down because I grab her wrist and pull her back into the room. she yelps and i lock the door, “are you still trying to avoid me, dani? it’s been two months since our breakup and you’ve been avoiding me at school as well. seriously what’s going on, why did this all happen,” i demand in a calm tone.

she looks away and crosses her arms. i sigh and rub my fingers against her arms and up just below her shoulders. i wanted her to know i was interested in her still and still cared a lot about her the same way i still love her. she sighs and looks me dead in the eye with her dark eyes, “because your confidence, all girls liked that and i felt insecure and needed that time to reflect on myself then be those girls who get angry at their boyfriends because of their own insecurities… i couldn’t do that to you so i ended it and focused on myself, i did it for me and it sounds selfish i know bu…”

i cut her off by crashing my lips onto hers. I don’t know why i’m doing this, but deep down, i kind of felt relieved i did because she returns the kiss. i put a hand on the back of her head and the other on her neck gently, i couldn’t be any more happier.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

DANIELLE’S POV ::

i wasn’t mad about the kiss or his touch. i actually was thinking about trying to get him back earlier that week and here i was, brushing my lips against his. i pant in between kisses and my hands go around his neck, caressing it. i pull away for a moment and his hands go to my hips, gripping it and leaning us back. he sits down on the bed and places me just on top, like a cherry on ice cream sundae.

i kiss him more gently than before, “oh matt…” i moan out loud enough so only he can hear.he pulls away enough to speak. he whispers over my lips “you don’t understand how much i missed you, dani…” a small smile plasters on his face and kisses my neck. i pant in excitement and chuckle, i loved how he called me dani while everyone called me danielle or elle. he then grips onto my ass and i pant harder. he shuts me up with a deep kiss and unexpectedly throws me beneath him in a somewhat of a soft way. he kiss my neck and explores my curves and body with his hands, “you’re so beautiful tonight, dani…” and i grin softly. he takes off my shirt in a swift move and unclasps my bra. i take his shirt off as well and he chuckles darkly, “you like this hm,” revealing his bare chest. i nod and he manages to take off my jeans. i help him a bit, taking off my shoes.

we stand up from the bed and get completely undressed. he takes one look at my bare skin and tells me in a husky tone, “you look way too good not to fuck,” before grabs my hips and collapsing on me, landing on the bed as our lips meet again. i pant and he cups my cheek in one palm and my breast with the other. i pant and he pulls away once again, his cock grinding against just in front of my clit.

he clears his throat, “do you have one,” referring to a condom and i shake my head, “i have been on the pilll, we’ll be fine,” i respond, lying. and he nods. he adjusts himself and flips me over, bending my body and standing us both up until i was in a position for him to give me backshots. i take a deep breath, preparing myself.

he slowly enters inside me and i gasp since the first and last time i did this was over half a year ago with him. i pant as he thrust in and out of my in slow and deep pace. i pant and moan softly. he grabs my waist as he continues at this pace for a few seconds, “that’s the girl i fell in love with,” he fixes my hair and begins to pick up the pace, causing my moans to increase.

i pant and cover my mouth. he groans and buried himself in me, putting his head on my shoulder, rubbing my sides, “you like that, hm,” he asks and i moan softly, catching my breath. i nod in response before he finally pulls himself out of me with a wet pop. i collapse on the bed, exhausted and he smiles softly, “so proud of you, baby…”

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

[cecilebutcher]

!!URGENT HELP FOR G@Z@!!

Hello everyone. I know I haven’t been posting any twst content for a while, and I am planning on doing so soon, but this takes urgency!

After some research and seeing how much my last 🍉 post did I decided that I’m gonna post this one with links to directly help families/people in G@za who need help (and I’m censoring the place because tumblr has taken down posts of other people who have spoken about the gen0cide before)

Please try to donate and if not then reblog like comment and share this to other platforms, post this to your personal account on other socials, send it to your friends and family, or even just @ people.

But before that I just wanted to tell everyone that I do have news from my first post, it’s under the cut alongside the links :-

I sadly just saw this for some reason, but still wanted to share it with you guys!!

Now for the links:-

This one if for Ahmed Al-Nasser who has two young boys and a pregnant wife who is in dire need of a c-section

This one is for Nurse Maha, she has a husband and a small boy, Nour, who’s only 2 years old that hasn’t had any vaccines or any medical help

This one is for Haneens family, thankfully she lives in Belgium and doesn’t have to suffer or watch the war currently going on, but her family of 11 do. Both her parents have chronic illnesses, and some of them are young kids.

This one is for Ahmed, who’s a father (he doesn’t specify of how much but he has a picture of his two TODDLER daughters) he has been displaced with his family and his diabetic father, they are halfway to their goal only needing 75,772kr.

I sadly don’t know anything about this next link other than they have a child who has special needs, so please do share or even better donate!

This one is for Haitham, a 31 year old male, he needs emergency surgery, but at the state G@aza is in he can’t get it

This one is for Ahmen, a doctor in g@za. He is so so so far from his goal (his goal is 15,000€ and he only has 2,778€) this isn’t even for him, bless his soul, it’s for his elderly father who is unable to walk and is need for emergency surgery.

This last one is for Nour, a 31 year old mom and a wife to Amir who is 35. They have 4 gorgeous children (Kareem (7 years old), Imad (6 years old), Tia (2 years old), and Abdel Rahman (five months old)) it after reading their story I am in actual tears and my heart hurts for them. Poor Abdel Rahman was only 10 day, Ten days, old when all this has happened. This kids have their whole lives ahead of them and they might not see it because of what’s happening to them.

Tagging some people I know will reblog this: @jade-s-nymph @siphoklansan @ceruleancattail @catboiie16 @cloudcountry

[yvqip]

in honor of ch 261

The passing of the torch. The inability to grieve. A duty to kill protect. Is this what it means to be a sorcerer?

CW: angst, mentions of gore and death, just about what you’d expect, wip(?) bc i couldn’t bring myself to write anymore,

A collection of Yuta’s thoughts during the possession (+a bit of Suguru’s as he watches in the afterlife.)

The moment you died, something in the air changed. It was as if all that tension keeping everybody upright suddenly released into this all consuming dread. Lying there on the ground, split in two, was more than enough proof you really were closer to mortal than the god jujutsu society claimed you to be.

I’m sorry it took losing your humanity to make people realize you had any.

I’m sorry I have to do this to you.

If I could do it any other way, I would. I’m sure you understand that though, better than anyone else. You died on his anniversary too. I was only able to take a peak at who you were under the guise of ‘the strongest’, I don’t understand you nearly enough as he did but I’ve seen enough to know the burdens you carry. I know you missed him, I saw it in your face a year ago and I saw it again before your fight with Sukuna. I’m sorry you two didn’t get the peace you deserved even after death. I’m sorry you had to lose the only one who saw you as Satoru.

Standing there, facing that monstrosity, instilled a carnal fear into my bones, one that I couldn’t show in front of the audience you taught and guided. The audience I have to lead in your place as the new ‘strongest’.

Is this how you felt? A sacrificial lamb pushed to the forefront of battle for the reason of powers you had no role in choosing?

I do my best to hide the tremble in my hands as Shoko slices me open. I’m doing this for the others, to give them a better fighting chance, to honor the sacrifice you made for us- stealing away the fire from the heavens and granting us the opportunity to grow even more- offering yourself on a silver platter in exchange of our youth. You were chained to humanity, reduced to a weapon intended for us.

Were you able to see yourself as anything else after he died?

Although the fire is dwindling despite your efforts to maintain it, I understand you now, giving yourself as tinder to spark the next generation. I’ll become it in your stead. After all, I’m the strongest now too, and I’ll take care of the 1st and 2nd years just like you said.

Shoko finishes the last of the stitching.

I wonder how she feels witnessing her two best friends turned into husks, bodies desecrated by both sides of jujutsu society even after death.

I’m back on the battlefield.

5 minutes to make this count.

I’ll make sure you and your best friend rest together soon. It’s the least I could do for you.

~

The scene before me is sickening. I can feel the bile build in the back of my throat despite my lack of a physical body.

How could they do this to you?

I had spent this time waiting patiently for you to arrive, only to be taken from me the moment you do. I never held any hatred for those in Jujutsu High, and I never questioned that until now.

Are you Satoru Gojo because you’re the strongest or are you the strongest because you’re Satoru Gojo?

I recall saying those very words that shook the foundation of your identity. I said it because I knew it would hurt you. I said it because I knew I was the only one who had ever held your heart in the palm of my hands. I said it not believing it was true. Yet, as I witness your body be used as a puppet, I question if anybody else ever felt the same.

Did you die with me, Satoru?

Does any body else see you as that? Did you exist to the world of jujutsu outside of ‘the strongest’? You’re still far ahead in terms of power, but it seems you chose well with your students, especially that boy, Yuta Okkotsu. He’s like you, more so now than ever since he’s taken your place. They’ll eventually catch up to you.

We’ve failed to protect the youth again.

Seeing your corpse on the table as Shoko performed the operation brought me back to the day I lost part of you. You stood there, Riko’s body in your arms, your eyes devoid of the usual light within it just like now.

‘Suguru.. should we kill these guys?’

Thinking back on it, perhaps I should’ve said yes. We would’ve been on the run together- but we’d be together all the same. You would’ve never had to be Jujutsu society’s scapegoat, you would’ve never had to fight Sukuna.

It wouldn’t have had to end this way

Maybe I shouldn’t have left. My lofty goals were of near impossible height, one that only you could reach. But I had to try, damn it. If it took rebelling against the gods to do it, I’d gladly hold the weight of the world as punishment if it earned you freedom from the chains of jujutsu.

[hannahssimblr]

“Do you feel weird?” Jen says, the car window rolled down at the wind whipping her new hair back from her forehead to reveal the smear of dye along her hairline. 

“No, it’s just another normal summer,” I reply. The road to Wexford stretches out ahead of us and the sky looks big, vast, flat, like porcelain.

“Without your family.”

“Yeah, it’s a relief. Can you imagine Chris and Colette in close quarters like that? Howling at each other all summer? I think I’d drown myself in the sea.”

“Well, I think you’re a fool to let the Shane and Joe stay.”

I pull a face, “Why?” 

“Because they’ll ruin the place. They won’t clean up after themselves.”

“Neither will I,” I grin at her as she scrunches her face up in disgust, and I mess up her hair, subtly checking my hand in case any of it came off on me, “You chose this, Jenny, a summer with the boys. It's days of playing PlayStation and leaving our dirty dishes in the sink.”

“Wouldn’t you have rather we'd gone to Italy or something?”

“What? No. I love the beach house. It’s going to be fun.”

She eyes me sceptically, and I know that she can tell that I’m putting on this positive attitude to disguise the weird, empty feelings left since the breakup. That version of me, the sad, longing, regretful one, though, is not for Jen, it's for me alone, in the lonely hours when night spills into morning, and my thumb hesitates on Michelle’s number.

I’m always on the brink of calling her and taking it all back, because I miss her, and being with her again is a guaranteed way to make this rotten heartbreak disappear, or even just to postpone it until the last moment, until I really have to leave. 

It’s never felt like this before. I never walked away from a relationship with this cocktail of tumultuous emotion swirling around in me, like anger, sadness, grief, longing, yearning for her and the way it felt to touch her, while at the same time practically shuddering with relief that it’s over. When I think about the bad things, the shouting and ranting and the throwing and the silent treatment, it’s easier for me. Easier than remembering the good things, like right now as I grip the steering wheel and visualise that series of moles on her hip that looks like a constellation of stars. I relive the moment I kissed them one by one, the way that she laughed as squirmed as my lips tickled her skin and I threw my arms around her to hold her captive.

I refocus. Jen is saying something. 

“Kelly?” I repeat, plucking one of her words out of the air, “um, sorry, what did you say again?” 

“Yeah, about Kelly and her friends,” she says, “I said Shane is driving them down tomorrow.”

“Oh, surely they’re not staying with us too, are they?” there’s only so many rooms at the beach house… 

She snorts, “No, they’ll be in the Healy’s mobile. Their parents are letting them use it.”

I pause, “I didn’t know Kelly had friends.”

Jen slaps my leg and I flinch away, cackling. 

“You have to promise me that you’ll be nice this summer,” she warns, still holding up her hand like she’s ready to smack me again, “you have to promise that your days of bullying Kelly are in the past.”

I gasp in mock outrage, “she bullies me!” 

“She clearly has issues. You have to stop provoking her. And Liam too!”

“I do not provoke Liam.”

“No, but you’re… generally not nice to him.”

“Not true.”

“You are! You and the boys, you become this nasty little mob when you’re all together, and you’re not as funny as you think you are.”

“I’ll be perfectly nice to everyone this summer,” I insist. “I won’t put a foot out of line.”

“I don’t believe you,” she says, but I can tell she’s done talking about it. 

She slumps back in her chair and turns the radio on. Again, it’s Jason Derulo. 

“You know this song is growing on me?” She says, and I just groan. 

We let it play. 

Beginning // Prev // Next

[tgmsunmontue]

Online & Anonymous 8/16

Hangster. Explicit. Years before they meet in person Bradley and Jake strike up a friends-with-benefits relationship online. And then something more like an actual relationship.

Odd year = Bradley's POV and Even year = Jake's POV

>>Bradley chatting (bold and italics)

>>Jake chatting (italics)

2005/2006 2007 2008 2009 2010 2011 2012

2013 – Bradley

                When he gets the invitation to Top Gun he almost vibrates out of his seat in excitement. He keeps telling himself it’s excitement and not terror. He’s already going to be turning thirty this year, and while he might be a bit older than some of the other attendees he knows he’s unlikely to be the oldest. However he is older than his father was when he attended. He’s already older than his father was when he died and the idea that his father was married and had had a kid is mind boggling to him, because he doesn’t feel anywhere old enough to have either of those responsibilities, even if he’s coming around to the first one whenever he thinks about a potential future with Jas.

>>I got invited to a thing. An elite training thing. It’s sort of a big deal.

>>I’ll probably be busier than usual.

>>Like what?

>>Wait. Rangers? Delta Force? Pararescue?

>>Yeah. Something like that.

>>Fine. Keep your secrets.

>>You’re the one that said you want to keep some stuff for when we meet.

>>Can I change my mind?

>>Ask me again in 24 hours.

>>You’re pretty impulsive.

>>You like me being impulsive.

>>That’s true. I do.

>>Don’t want you to regret it though.

>>End of May isn’t that far away.

>>Assuming nothing happens again.

>>Yeah well. Fingers crossed.

>>Thinking about finally meeting you is the only gets me through some of my worst days.

>>No pressure.

                Bradley squeezes his lips between his teeth, wonders if he should apologize.

>>There is no pressure. I’m just… being honest with you.

>>I’ve had to lie about do much for so long, that even now it’s…

>>Well. I’ll never lie to you. Even if I think it’ll scare you.

>>This is where I get to be myself.

>>But you don’t need to worry about me not liking you.

>>I already love you.

>>Okay.

>>Well.

>>In the interests of being honest, do you want to know a secret?

>>Of course.

>>I’m scared of meeting you.

>>Why?

>>What if you’re not as perfect in person as you are through my phone?

>>Well, I’m not perfect.

>>At all.

>>Do you want me to share some of my gross habits with you?

>>I can do that if you think it would help.

>>Yeah. Go on.

>>Well, a recent one which drives my roommate absolutely batshit crazy, is I leave my moustache hair clippings all over the sink.

>>You have a moustache?

>>Yep. A new one. That long leave period I had last year when we were meant to meet up the second time? I started growing it.

>>Keeps my upper lip warm.

>>Do you look good?

>>I look like my dad.

>>Makes me feel closer to him.

>>I broke down and cried when I caught my reflection because I thought it was him.

>>I think mine is better, but I just wish he was here to joke with me about it.

>>Teach me how to take care of it.

>>All I’ve had are YouTube tutorials and it’s not quite the same.

>>If you’re watching online tutorials it definitely looks good.

>>Vain motherfucker.

                Bradley laughs but doesn’t bother disputing the fact, he likes to look good, and taking pride in his appearance is something that is necessary because it reflects on the Navy. He can’t say that specifically though.

>>What about you? Annoying habit?

>>I leave empty bottles and cups everywhere.

>>Not in the mess hall obviously, but everywhere else.

>>My friends despair of me.

>>I try and remember when I’m elsewhere, but I just keep forgetting.

>>Awful Southern manners.

…            …            …

                His seventeen-week stint at the Navy Fighter Weapons School begins and he doesn’t think he’s ever worked so hard in his life. He studies every waking moment, spends time with the ground crew asking questions about particular aspects of their jobs and their experiences, uses them to piece together a better understanding of the planes, although he’s already got an excellent understanding of most things, his obsession and upbringing in his youth meaning he’s knowledgeable about odd things, which sometimes get a raised eyebrow from one or two of the instructors. He does his best to ignore them.

                He and Jas have discovered SnapChat and started using that, not for conversations, just for staying connected and sending tiny little snippets of their day to each other, letting him know he’s thinking of him. Shots of morning coffee, books where he carefully covers the titles when it’s related to flying, the sky when it’s particularly pretty, his empty bed with the simple caption wish you were here.

                The seventeen weeks come to an end, he comes out on the top and he feels so much. He survived for a start, which is something he can admit now that he was worried about. God, he wants to ring Mav and Ice, and not just to brag, but to hear them be happy for him, although a part of him accepts he definitely wants to rub Pete’s face in it, that he is good enough. Of course it throws everything else into sharp relief and he wishes more than anything he could talk to his dad. He’s sitting in the lounge, just staring at the photos of previous Top Gun classes and 1986 is right there, an image that conjures so many mixed emotions.

                “Lieutenant Bradshaw. Thought you’d be out celebrating the win.”

                “Sir.”

                “Seriously. I’m surprised to see you here and not with the others.”

                “I will celebrate. Just. Having some mixed emotions sir,” he admits.

                “You don’t think you earnt the win?”

                Bradley blinks, because he’s not sure there’s a way to answer that question the right way, without sounding like he’s

                “I think it was an honor to be invited here and challenged by fellow aviators who are excellent in every respect. I worked hard and flew well. Just. Did you know my father died at Top Gun? During a hop?”

                “Bradshaw. I did wonder. Thought it was in bad taste to ask.”

                “No-one asked, but I suspect some are aware. No-one brought it up, sir.”

                “No, they’d probably take your lead on that. Well, I’ll leave you to it Lieutenant. Have a good evening.”

                “Thank you sir.”

…            …            …

>>How did you go?

>>Well, I didn’t wash out and I completed it.

>>That’s a pretty low bar.

>>Didn’t wash out? Pretty sure you smashed it.

>>I love your faith in me.

>>I love you.

>>Of course I have faith in you.

>>What I don’t have faith in is the universe and its apparent desire to fuck us over.

>>I’ve been invited to my own elite training thing.

>>Like, I can’t turn it down, it’s pretty much an order to go. And it’s an honor to be selected, but the timing could not be fucking worse.

>>I’m so sorry.

                Bradley is so disappointed he’s close to tears, but he also knows that when these type of opportunities are offered to you, you cannot turn them down. Ever. Not directly. Except he sort of just did, and his mind is

>>I understand. I totally understand.

>>Doesn’t stop me being disappointed though.

>>I was really looking forward to finally meeting you.

>>You and me both. Waited this long though right?

>>I am getting really sick of us having to say that.

>>I’m starting to get very sick of waiting.

>>I feel like we’ve waited long enough.

>>But I was offered something, I might see if I can backtrack my decline.

>>Shit. Did you turn something down because of me?

>>Well, I asked if I could think about it for a day or two. I was intending to turn them down, but I think I’ll accept it now.

>>Not if I don’t have meeting you in May to look forward to.

>>Nick. I don’t want you turning down things which could help your career just to meet with me.

>>I’m not going anywhere.

>>This goes both ways. I don’t want you turning things down either.

>>I’m sorry – did you just miss the bit where I said I can’t meet up because I’m taking up a training opportunity?

>>Yeah, but you thought about turning it down.

>>Next time don’t think about it, just accept.

>>I’ll always understand your desire to put your career first.

>>What about when I don’t want to anymore?

>>Also this applies to actual guys you sleep with and could have a relationship with.

>>Don’t you dare use me as an excuse to not pursue something if you think it’d be worth it.

>>Then the same applies for you.

>>Fine. Although the guys I’ve been sleeping with have yet to impress me with anything worth writing home about. Or well…

>>Sharing with you. My fantasies are definitely far more interesting.

>>Still think it’s your useless superpower, ability to hook-up with the worst possible guys and just have bad sex.

>>It’s okay. We’ll practice plenty in person when we meet.

…            …            …

                The offer to stay on as an instructor is there, and he’d said he’d think about it. However he really doesn’t want to stop flying, but he also doesn’t feel like he has the necessary skills to train other aviators yet, which is why he’s seriously considering staying to learn from the Top Gun instructors. When he raises his concerns about wanting to keep up his flying while also wanting to build up his experience with teaching and training to a set syllabus he gets a considered look for his troubles.

                “You’re not very much like your father or godfather are you Lieutenant.”

                “Excuse me sir?”

                “I know who you are Lieutenant. I flew with both your father, and Maverick. You remind my far more of Iceman. Cool and collected, little bit detached from emotion when you’re flying.”

                “Sir,” Bradley states, because he’s not sure if he’s asking a question or not. Whether it’s simply an observation or a compliment.

                “I’ll see what we can figure out.”

                The experienced tutors seem to take his interest in training with enthusiasm, recommending readings and setting homework. He learns that some of them have gone on to do Masters degrees in learning or development. He hadn’t expected quite a thorough background as he’s getting, but it’s good. He’s permitted to take flights early in the morning as long as he clears his flight plans with his commanding officer and also has at least three others awake and at least one willing to act as ground crew. He makes decent deals with several of the instructors, some who just prefer being on base that early to prepare for the day and doing it while he flies around is acceptable to them, especially when he agrees to try out any particular maneuvers and tactics in different planes. He loves it and it’s his routine for three weeks before the next Top Gun intake arrive. He shaves off his moustache and then regrets it almost immediately, but he can grow it back the next time he has a decent amount of leave to go unshaved.

…            …            …

                There are twelve naval aviators and Bradley has read all their files. He’s flown with a few of them before, one of them being Bambi and another Coyote. Then he knows Slipper, Knocks, Frank and Truffle. It leaves the other six as unknowns, although he does recognize the names. He has to admit it’s almost more intimidating than going through Top Gun himself, being expected to command the attention of other aviators for lessons, people known for challenging the status quo. The fact that he already knows half of them actually makes it worse, because he knows they won’t hold back. Not that he expects any of them to hold back, but he’s read their files and they’re all good and more than deserve to be here.

                It’s a little awkward, he’s not sure whether he is meant to be hanging out with the instructors, or whether he’s somehow part of this Top Gun class as well. So he finds a weird middle ground, friendly and professional with the instructors, happy to act for them, following their instructions and carrying out flight moves as an example or acting the part of bogey for tactical training. He is even more professional with the Top Gun class, slightly cooler but still friendly enough that he doesn’t think it pisses any of them off, although Bambi does roll her eyes at him more than once and Coyote gives him a quirked eyebrow.

                He and Jas continue to exchange snaps every day, although they both poke fun at the seemingly endless monotony of their current day-to-day lives. Bradley’s same mug of coffee everyday wishing him good morning, and it hasn’t escaped his notice that Jas seems to be in his time zone for the first time ever. Or at least for the first time since he really started paying attention and using Snapchat. They haven’t made any long-term plans to meet-up, not until next year and that’s too far away for Bradley to even know where in the world he’ll be let alone what weeks of the year he will have free which makes him feel a little more irritated than usual.

                “So, your score is the score I have to beat huh?” Jake Seresin says, and Bradley can’t help the immediate spike of annoyance at the words. He shouldn’t, because they’re Navy, competition between them all is something that is drilled into them from the beginning. More so for the USNA, but Bradley’s been around Naval Aviators his entire life and knows how they are, for the most part. Bunch of egotistical adrenaline junkies. Himself included, although he likes to try and temper his own ego by being as friendly and hopefully genuinely likeable as possible. Of course, being professional and maintaining some sense of distance can be difficult when he just wants to roll his eyes and tell the guy to grow up.

                “Just concentrate on your own flying and don’t worry about beating me.”

                They’re all good pilots. Of course they are. But Jake Seresin just seems to take the cast of egotistical and break the mold. He’s just so full of himself and the most annoying part of it is that it’s completely justified. He is that good, but he also gives off waves that he doesn’t feel like he has anything left to learn and Bradley knows he can’t be the only one feeling a little frustrated with his attitude sometimes. He asks the other instructors, in a round-about way, and he gets amused looks and told that he’ll learn to manage that with experience.

                Then there is how Seresin looks. He’s very nice to look at, Bradley isn’t going to lie to himself about it, and he wouldn’t kick him out of bed, however he’d have to like his personality enough first to invite him there, and that isn’t happening anytime soon. Definitely not while they’re at Top Gun, even if he thinks he could ask and get accepted, he doesn’t want to get a reputation for sleeping with students, that would be disastrous. It doesn’t stop him jerking off and thinking about Jake Seresin’s lips around his cock and he sends a couple of pictures to Jas during and after, telling him he misses him.

…            …            …

                Seventeen weeks feels like the blink of an eye and also, somehow, the longest drawn-out torture ever. He’s glad he has flying everyday, because somedays it’s the only thing that keeps him sane. Seresin seems to ask endless questions, some just bordering on disrespectful and he knows the other instructors find his frustration amusing, because he catches their poorly hidden smiles when he privately expresses his frustration to them, so he starts ignoring it as best he can.

                He doesn’t think he enjoys training and teaching enough to want to make this his career, not if every class is going to have people like Jake Seresin in it. He can’t bring himself to whine about it to Jas, not when he knows he’s so busy with his own specialty training, so he does the next best thing and rings Natasha, exchanging pleasantries before just launching into the complaining when she asks how the training aspects are going.

                “I just can’t seem to teach him anything! He just rubs me the wrong way.”

                “Well, you definitely want to be rubbing something…”

                “Jesus Natasha!”

                “What? It’s not going to get you kicked out or anything anymore…”

                “I’m not going to sleep with him!”

                “Would you? If that were an option? Is he hot?”

                “I don’t know. Have you met Jake Seresin?”

                “Oh. Definitely hot. He’s also Javy’s best friend.”

                “Javy huh?” Bradley asks, wanting to steer their conversation away from his inconvenient attraction to the most annoying person he’s ever met.

                “Shut up. At least I know what the guy I’m interested in looks like…”

                “Yeah yeah, whatever. I had noticed they were pretty tight.”

                “Yeah. Tight as brothers. Academy and flight school buddies. Hopefully Javy’s actual brothers are nicer.”

                “Well, they aren’t currently here driving me fucking insane, so that’s already a point in their favor.”

                “How is Javy doing?”

                “He’s good. Everyone here is good. You should be here.”

                “I’ll get my turn.”

                “Yeah you will.”

…            …            …

                “You know, the other instructors, they call you a rooster, because you get up so early so you can get up and fly before class.”

                Bradley grunts, because if he ignores him, maybe he’ll go away. He knows the other instructors call him that, and he doesn’t mind it, because there are far worse nicknames he could have landed himself with. This one has been an almost affectionate one, given to him with a ruffle to his hair and a wink.

                “I wanted to see if you’d be interested in getting a drink.”

                “With you?”

                “Yes.”

                “No, that wouldn’t be appropriate.”

                “We’re the same rank,” Seresin states, but Bradley is shaking his head.

                “I’m still an instructor.”

                Seresin’s lip curls, and it’s not in a nice way, but he’s stepping back, hands out in a no harm no foul gesture and Bradley hates that he looks good even when he’s looking pissed off.

                “Your loss.”

                “I think I’ll live.”

…            …            …

                When the seventeen weeks come to an end, he finally allows himself to socialize with Bambi, taking her out for dinner as an apology for being so formal and professional for the last four months. Allows, for a given definition of allow, for her to sweep the floor with him at both darts and pool. Then he takes her back to his place where they make a video call to Natasha and have a proper catch-up. Of course the first thing Natasha asks is if he’s slept with Seresin yet which has Bambi cackling and telling her all about the times Seresin seemed to be an ass solely to try and get Bradley’s attention.

…            …            …

>>You ever wonder what would happen if you did something different?

>>Only every fucking day.

[isalisewrites]

A Deep Dive into JKR's Terrible, Amateur Writing - Reflective Interlude

Hello and welcome to my ballsy series where I will prove to you, dear reader, that J.K. Rowling, author of the Harry Potter series and resident Twitter TERF, is actually a very, very poor writer.

And when I say ‘poor writer,’ I’m talking about her prose, her sentence structure, and her scenes in the Harry Potter series. I am not going to discuss anything about the HP world nor the overall plot of the books. 

This is all about the nitty gritty in the craft of writing itself.

Part One Link.

Part Two Link.

However…

Hiya! *waves* I’m Isa, the author of this… Actually, I dunno what to call this series anymore. Anyway, thus far, you’ve heard a very satirical tone from me in the previous two posts, but that’s not my normal tone. I’m a rather laid back kind of gal with a side of sarcasm and deluge of emoji usage.

I have used quite a confident, even bombastically obnoxious tone in the effort to be entertaining and engaging with these posts. It was meant to be playful and sarcastic. It’s the internet, so I’m aware everyone’s attention is… kind of like a commodity, unfortunately. Look at TikTok or YouTube. How long does a 30s video hold your attention before you’re scrolling to the next? It depends for me, I’ll admit. People don’t have the attention span for long style posts such as these and that’s fair. Sometimes, I don’t either.

Thus, I used repeated ‘catch phases’ to maintain a rhythm and a thematic style through the series with a controversial title meant to hook a reader. I repeat the opening, even in this post. I repeat ‘Class is in session’ to show the beginning of the major section of the post.

However, in this interlude, I’ve toned it all down because I wanted to give you a window into my heart, my purpose, and my intent in this series. It is a reflective post that ends with writing motivation to you, my dear reader, as well as links to writerly resources. 

I’ve had a lot to think about this week and I realized that many writers (and other creatives) have to battle against an enemy found within themselves. This enemy often torments many with cruel, destructive thoughts; they burrow their way into so many writers’ minds. It whispers: “Can you really do this? Are you really sure you’re any good? Aren’t you just fooling yourself? They’re going to find out you’re just a fraud. So… why bother?”

Whose voice is that?

Let’s talk about the destroyer of creation, Imposter Syndrome, why I refuse to let the bastard infect me anymore, and why my confident tone in previous posts has grated nerves.

Remember: take what resonates and leave what doesn’t.

(This means I write my posts with the honest acceptance and expectation that not everything will fit with your style, your vibes, or your personality. That’s okay.)

All right, let’s buckle up, my dear writing friends. Grab a snack. Hydrate. Let’s begin. And yes…

Class is in session on this little Tumblr post… should you wish to attend.

Having confidence or pride in one’s work seems to be taboo. Any brief moment in time where I tried to be proud about my writing or say, Hey, I’m a good writer, I was always told to be humble. “Don’t be prideful. Be humble.” It would often chip away at my self esteem. I could be a good writer, but I couldn’t allow myself to feel like a good writer.

But no more.

I have only given myself permission to be confident about my writing within the past month. This is why I started this series in the first place. I wanted to share knowledge and in an entertaining way. I make a bold claim that I’m a better writer than JKR; I analyze her writing to both improve my own understanding and to help others as well.

However, this does not mean I’ve ever been under the delusion I’m perfect. Absolutely not. God, that’s so fucking laughable! I am not perfect. I am not a perfect writer. I definitely don’t know everything. Someone once corrected me, informing me that snakes are venomous, not poisonous. Bless them, wasn’t aware of that. Immediately fixed that. One of the recent reblogs said geodes do not contain emeralds. God bless, I didn’t know that, though in the case of how it was used in TBG, I won’t be changing it since it’s within a character thought.

Sorry, Tom. I guess you need to take a geology class, too.

Ugh, and I have so many godforsaken typos. My soul withers when I catch a typo after I’ve posted a chapter. I miss things all the time. I repeat things because ‘that’s my thing’ and I don’t always catch them in my edits. I forget things all the time. Thank GOD for Dede, someone who loved TBG so much she spent countless hours archiving data from it, where she caught a number of inconsistencies and alerted me to them. I still haven’t been able to fix them yet, but I’m so grateful to her. I’ve noted them all down. Harry’s height often is incorrectly implied to be taller than it should be because my brain isn’t wired for imagery. My brain forgets TBG Harry is a short king at 5’4” while TBG Tom is 6’2” and I need to go back to fix all of those. 

I am not a perfect writer and I don’t claim to be.

My goals with this series are to study/learn for myself, teach/share knowledge with others, and learn some more from this experience. I love this kind of analysis. But there’s difference between my analysis of JKR’s writing and a number of those who have retaliated with an analysis of my writing. 

Instead of looking at my imperfections with the desire to learn from them, they were illuminated in the attempt to ‘take me down a notch.’ To those who put in the effort to make counterpoints, I do thank you for your contribution to this series. It is appreciated, even when given impolitely and with the intent to ‘put me in my place.’

Despite all of my errors and imperfections, I still stand by my statement: I am a better writer than J.K. Rowling.

Do you know who else is a better writer than her? I could list thousands of them. They’re fanfiction writers. They’re indie authors. They’re other traditional published authors. They are so many other writers that, yes, I do think are stronger writers than JKR. 

And you’re a better writer, too, so long as you wish it.

I sincerely want you to believe that.

Why? Because it’s clear within the Harry Potter series that JKR did not make attempts to grow as a writer. She just wrote. Perhaps she was under deadlines, but the lack of editing is pretty apparent to me. When you write a lot, you will inevitably get more skilled over time, but you have to actively be seeking improvement to see drastic change in your own skill. It is this lack of drive that I see within her work. She’s not making attempts to push the boundaries of her abilities and skills with each new book.

I’m not at the end of my journey of learning. I never will be. I love expanding my skills. I’m even learning during the process of writing these posts, too. I’m seeing more weaknesses in my own work and I’m now thinking on ways to strengthen my writing even further.

That’s the point of this series.

In the end, it’s not really about me. No, really, it’s not about me. I truly think it’s about the jealousy of seeing another writer be confident in their work. You see, I’m not supposed to be confident; I’m not supposed to act like I can help and teach others to write. How dare I. Posting anything about my work is an act of attention seeking. I’m supposed to be ‘humble.’ I’m supposed to be silent. I’m supposed to wave a shy, dismissive hand at compliments.

Why?

Why is being proud of one’s work and loving one’s own work such a controversial idea?

Imposter Syndrome often cripples creators. There’s already so much self doubt and anxiety in the world, but Imposter Syndrome can really wreck with a creator’s mind. It’s a poison. It stops you from creating what you love most. When you believe you aren’t good enough, then it becomes harder to try. Your belief becomes truth to you, whether or not it was true in reality in the first place. Perhaps, you sink into depression. You become anxious about sharing anything, for fear anyone might say even the slightest negative comment. The heart becomes fragile and brittle, and the muscle which builds skill atrophies over time. You see your work through a lens of self hate. You can only see flaws.

“I will never be good enough.”

When you’re in this state of mind, it’s hard to see the truth about your work.

But let me promise you something: your writing is far more beautiful than you realize.

In spirit, all creative writing is perfect to me with all of its typos and mistakes (yes, even all of the Harry Potter books!), but no single work is objectively perfect. There will always be room to improve your creation because you’re constantly growing. It’s why so many aspiring novelists fall into an endless cycle of editing their first few chapters. The more they write, the more they improve; thus, when they go back to their earlier chapters, they get stuck trying to update those chapters instead of pushing forward to the finish line.

Your work is valuable, no matter what. It’s beautiful. You’re allowed to love your work. You’re allowed to see the good in it and you’re allowed to have confidence in yourself. You’re allowed to say to yourself and to others, I’m a damn good writer.

You deserve to have love, for yourself and for your art.

I have often sincerely complimented other writers and, many times, after they respond with their thanks, it becomes clear to me they’re not confident in their work, yet they have still bravely shared it with us.

I’m so proud of them. Thank you for your bravery.

My heart breaks for them, too. They’re such good writers—such damn good writers. And I wish they knew and believed this.

I will always do everything in my power to encourage others.

How do you feel about your writing? Do you like your writing? You should. You really should because it is good. You created it, after all. There will always be space to grow and refine your craft, of course, but you are a good writer now. You’re going to be a better writer tomorrow and the next day, so long as you desire this growth in yourself. There’s no destination, though. There’s no magic level you have to reach before you’re allowed to have some confidence in yourself and your abilities. The only trap to avoid is remaining stagnant. Writing is a skill. Writing is a craft. This means it gets better through study and practice.

You can achieve that.

I know it’s hard, though. There are so many naysayers in life. There are so many people waiting to attack and bring others down, both on the internet and in our own families. How many precious fanfics have been lost because a writer received horrible, hateful comments? How many writers have disappeared from the internet because of this cruelty? We have lost many in all fandoms. That is unacceptable to me.

Uplift others. Spread love, not hate.

You’re allowed to be proud about your work, imperfect as it may be. Please, I beg you, don’t let the negative voices of others—including your own!—drag you down and steal the joy of creating. I know it’s so very, very hard to stand strong against such voices. Words have power, but you have more. Resist the naysayers.

What you have to offer the world is precious. Please lift your head and acknowledge that what you create is good. It’s great. It’s amazing. It’s fucking fantastic. You’re not an imposter nor a fraud. No one can offer what you can to the world. No one can write the stories you have in your head the way you can. Your style is unique to you. You’re allowed to love it as it is now and you’re allowed to love it whatever form it takes in the future.

Imposter Syndrome is a thief; toss it into jail and throw away the key.

My writing is not perfect and it never will be, but I’m a better writer today than I was ten years ago. I’m a seeker of my own growth. I’m often reading books on writing and watching YouTube videos on writing. I absorb it all because writing is my truest love and passion. My style has evolved from reading endless amount of novels and fanfics. I devour both. 

But I wasted a decade thinking I didn’t have what it takes.

And life is short. I can’t waste anymore time.

Don’t be like past Isa, please.

There’s a difference in refinement between an episodic fanfic posted over the course of years and a traditional novel published in whole, but I still stand by my work. I recognize my style will not be enjoyed by all those who read it. It’s okay if you don’t like my style. I���m eternally grateful for the many readers who do love my writing. I’m humbled and honored by the sheer volume of people who have commented, bookmarked, and have left kudos on my work. Thank you.

My style has evolved into what it is today due to a combination of two things.

I have ADHD. It’s why my style uses smaller paragraphs as a whole.

I have aphantasia. I lack a mind that can visualize pictures. I literally cannot see anything in my mind. When people say, “I can picture it in my mind,” that’s not me. I cannot at all. When there’s a lack of description in prose, it feels blank and empty to me. This is why I use vivid descriptions in the way I do because otherwise I feel nothing from my work.

It’s okay if this style doesn’t work for you. I love my style because it caters to what I need. I also love other styles that don’t use as much description; however, I can’t always follow what’s happening because of the wiring of my brain. I can get lost sometimes, but I still appreciate their style because I can’t effectively do what they can.

If you find no value in my style and what I offer in this series here, then that’s okay. I’m not offended. This series is for those who benefit from it. For you, there are so many other writers out there from whom you can learn and I’m more than happy to send you in the direction that benefits you the most.

Here’s a list of YouTubers you might find interesting.

ShaelinWrites has been working on many unpublished projects through the years and has lots of great discussion videos on writing.

Abbie Emmons is a self published author with solid writing advice in all of her videos. 

Alexa Donne is a traditionally published author with great insider information into the traditional publishing world. 

Ellen Brock is a professional editor. She knows her stuff.

I hesitantly suggest Jenna Moreci and her content on YouTube because I think she has some major weaknesses in her writing. Many others have seen this about her books. However, she is a successful indie author and her YouTube content has a lot of value.

Brandon Sanderson has an entire college course in a playlist on his channel. It’s a fabulous free resource if you vibe with his style of writing. Highly recommend. 

Here’s a list of writing books I recommend.

Elements of Fiction Writing, a five book series. My TOP recommendation is Elements of Fiction Writing - Beginnings, Middles & Ends.

Sin and Syntax: How to Craft Wicked Good Prose

Let the Crazy Child Write!: Finding Your Creative Writing Voice

Novelist's Essential Guide to Crafting Scenes

All right then.

Thank you for sticking around. I hope you accept this post in the good faith it was given and was always given in the previous posts. Next post, I’ll be returning to my playful satirical tone. Hehe~!

Please do the world the greatest of favors and write. Create. Share your fanfiction. Become best selling authors, traditional or indie. I promise you’re far more capable and skilled than you realize.

Until next time.

Isa

[jackxo]

Vulnerable moment + help/advice welcome:

Hello, everyone. This isn’t my usual type of post, but I’m genuinely struggling with something and wanted to see if anyone has any advice. I will get straight into it.

I’ve been dissociating for the past few years. I constantly feel like I’m out of my body and watching myself from the third person. I feel like my life is a memory I am watching from the future; I feel like I don’t have any control over myself. I haven’t been able to go to a therapist due to expense reasons. But nowadays, I get ridiculously upset when I think about all of the memories I am “missing out on;” I just feel like I’m not living my life, and it makes me really distressed.

It’s been four years since I’ve felt present. Every now and then, I feel a flicker of reality, but it feels like a sneeze that just won’t surface. I realized the other day that I haven’t gone a full 24 hours feeling normal—hell, I haven’t even gone 5 minutes feeling normal in the past four years. It’s been getting to me a lot lately. My memory is starting to fail me, even for little things, because I’m constantly “out of it.” It’s hard. (I don’t want to seem like I’m complaining—I know many people have it much worse than me.)

I experienced some trauma in my childhood, but I feel like it wasn’t that bad, and I shouldn’t struggle this much now. After all, most of my trauma happened when I was aged 12-15. And then, I started dissociating around ages 17-18.

I’m opening up to see if anyone has ever experienced this and if they have any tips to help. I’ve done extensive research, but nothing has helped me so far. I’m really not sure what to do at this point—usually, I just accept that this will be my life forever… and that kills me. I’m at a loss at this point.

Any help or advice is welcome. I know this isn’t my usual blog aesthetic, and for that, I apologize. I’m just desperate at this point.

Thank you for reading.

[nihyunluvskookie]

Love and religion fought. We lost.

PROMPT. “we tried we tried so much, but in the end we lost.”

PAIRING. Joshua x female reader

GENRE. angst

WARNINGS. Mention of blood, mcd, different religions, gun

WORD COUNT. 2.6K

AUTHOR’S NOTE. Finally I am here with this fic, I battled so much before posting, I don't want to offend any religion and I know it's a sensitive topic but I wanted to write it so bad. And since I decided to write angst for 13 members long ago, here's the first one. And angst being my favorite genre till now I tried doing justice to the fic, and since it's a bit of desi setting, it's a win for desi readers. Hope you like it. And I would be tagging people/readers who commented in that post earlier hehe ^^

Happy reading :)

TAG. @thepoopdokyeomtouched @aestheticfangirl @scarlet789 @nobraincellmode @woofie-nctzen-fanarts

Seventeen as angst trope

“You’re looking so pretty” I looked around, and saw my family members coming towards me and applying haldi on me, I looked at myself and saw myself wearing a yellow sharara, I saw my sister coming towards me and hugging me tight. “Hope you stay happy always like this, even after marriage” and somewhere my emotions were lost the moment someone told me this, I couldn't even recognize the voice at that point.

“Shua, I want to wear different outfits for all the ceremonies but too sad, you won’t be able to see me.” I smiled at him and he just laughed and pulled me closer in his embrace, “But you’re going to be my wife, so I would get a lifetime to watch you wear your favorite clothes” and he pinched my nose playfully. “I want to get married twice, one in all the traditions we follow and another one in your way. I don’t want to miss out on wearing a white gown and kissing you infront of everyone.”

“I’ll fulfill all your wishes, my love.”“I love you so much, Joshua”

“I love you too meri jaan” and he smiled at me once again, his smile was something that healed me every time.

“You look pretty Mishka, he is so lucky” and my mom kissed my forehead, I tried to look at her but somewhere I just couldn’t look at her at all, not after all this.

Everyone looked so happy and seemed like they were enjoying it every second, I tried to smile at them but I failed terribly. There was something wrong with me because I couldn’t express my emotions anymore. I failed to show them how I felt, as if my mind wanted to show them but my heart refused to do anything. It was the sign I lost, we lost.

“I would be the in-charge of the decorations, I want everything to be golden.”“You surely love the golden colour a lot Mishka” and he laughed and it was melody to my ears, “Yes I do and I love one more thing” he looked at me confused, “You” and I kissed him.

“You just know how to steal kisses.” And he pulled me closer by my neck and kissed me again. Every time I kissed him, I kissed him like it was my last kiss and I loved the feeling so much. I want to kiss him till the time I can’t kiss him anymore and I want to remember how he felt.

“Joshua”

“Yes, love”

“Do…you think…”“Think?” he was looking at me and I was feeling nervous, I wanted to say it loud, but he suddenly cupped my face. “What’s wrong?”

“I should tell them about us, it’s been eight years… already” “Mishka” he kissed me again and then looked at me, “if you want to tell your parents about us, you can. I’ll be there with you. We will go and talk to them, they will accept us.”

“Mishka, your mehendi looks so pretty” I turned to look at the person doing my mehendi, and here I wanted to put his initials. “And it’s done” The moment I looked at my hand, I saw the way my hand had someone else’s name’s initial, a stranger whom I don’t even know. I wanted to run away, but two things stopped me, Joshua’s thoughts and then my own family’s reputation. If I wanted, I could’ve taken a step and ran away already, but Joshua’s thoughts stopped me from doing anything.

It was raining and I ran outside, “Mishka, stop” I wanted to dance in the rain. “You’ll fall sick Mishka” For once I didn’t want to listen to his words, he always tells me I will fall sick but then he is the one who takes care of me so falling sick is worth it since he’s with me.

He suddenly came and picked me up, “Shua, oh god”

“I love you so much Mishka, I can’t explain. I want to marry you as soon as possible and want to make you mine officially.” I smiled at him, he had never confessed to me like this directly, and for marriage. He puts me down and looks at me, “Mishka, do you want to marry me?” I smiled at him, “And what makes you think that asking me like this would change my answer?” he looked nervous, “If I don’t marry you then I don’t know what will happen” “And I can never see you being someone else’s, so if you don’t marry me, I will die.”

“And I will never let that happen” and I kissed him. Losing him was never an option for me. He was my everything, he found me when I was left in the dark, and he was there for me when I was alone. And if I don’t get to be with the person I love the most, I have no idea what will I do ever in my life.

I parted and looked at him, “So will you marry me?” I nodded, “Yes, Joshua, I would be ruining my life if I said no to you” and he kissed me again under the rain.

I looked at myself, wearing the red lehenga, and I didn’t know how to respond to any of the fact, that I was getting married and my thoughts were interrupted, “Di, someone came to see you-”

“Mishi”

I turned to look at Joshua, Mishti was standing near the door and then there was Joshua beside her, “I would be leaving di, just know I am here for you.”

He walked towards me and hugged me tight, “Mishka, I can’t” I wanted to hug him tight, but my hands refused to move, no matter how much I wanted to hold him tight and cry in his embrace, he was home for me. He parted and cupped my face, “Mishka, let’s go. Let’s leave this place”

“Mishi, this is not what we want, it’s against our wish, let’s go. You’re not happy, I know it Mishka. I will take you somewhere you don’t have to suffer alone.”

“Joshua…”

“What happened Mishka? I am here for you, just for you. Let’s go, I know we can’t end like this.”

“Joshua, jo hona tha woh ho gaya, ab kuch nehi kar sakte hain, mere haatho me zanjeeren hai, koi reha nehi kar sakta aur.” (Joshua, we can’t do anything now, it’s all done, I am tied with shackles in my hand, and no one can free me anymore)

“Mishka, was it a lie?” and I had no answer, I couldn’t tell him directly, that, they told me they would kill him, if I went back to him.

“Maa, please listen to me once. Maa please” I was banging on the door but no one was listening to me, I wanted to run away. I want to run away from here and never come back. My tears were falling like no tomorrow.

“Mishka one more word and you know what can your dad do.”

“Maa, no. You won’t do anything. YOU CAN’T DO THIS!! Maa!!” I was banging on the door and then heard her unlock the door. The moment I saw her face, I started crying more, I wiped my tears and the moment I was about to say something hoping she would give me a chance to speak but she slapped me hard. She locked the door and dragged me towards my bed and pushed me there.

“One more word and Mishka-

Enough was enough, how could she do this to her own daughter?

“What was his fault? What was my fault? We just fell in love”

“Mishka you better- I wanted to scream, but the moment our eyes met, she shouted “Do you not know your dad? Do you not know what are the things that means a lot to your dad? And fault? We let you study outside and you do this to us?” “What did I do maa?” I walked towards her, my tears didn’t want to stop, they refused to listen to me for the first time. “If falling in love is a crime then yes, I did it. I DID IT” and another slap, “you are going nowhere and you are breaking up with him. You will leave him and get married to the guy we choose for you, who is right for you.” She was about to leave, but then turned back to look at me, “You don’t remember your limits? He’s a guy from a different religion and we are never saying yes to that. We can’t allow you, and remember society and reputation are everything for us.”

“Maa-” “Give up Mishka, I am against it. And don’t even think about running away, because I’m warning you again, your dad can go to any limits to separate you from him.” and that’s when I understood she wasn’t even joking, they can kill him, kill us anytime they want.

“We can’t Joshua” And I never told him the exact reason, because knowing him, he would not even regret telling me, he wanted to be together with me, didn’t matter if he stayed or died.

“We still have time, if you want we can run away right now and no one will get to know, we will go somewhere far” I took a deep breath and shook my head, clearly knowing what is going to be the consequence if I take this step, they will hunt me down and kill all of us.

“Joshua, we can’t”

“Joshua, we can’t be together, please move on from me.”

“Mishka-”

“Joshua.”

“Mis-”

“Joshua, we can’t, they will kill us. I CAN’T DO ANYTHING.” And that was the moment, I couldn’t hold back anything, if I knew I was going to be a coward for all my life then I wouldn’t have started any of this at all. I can’t even be happy with the person I love.

“And I had to choose, to see you getting killed or give up on us. And I choose you to be happy, happy without me.”

“Uss din se hamare saari bitaye lamhein, uss yaadon ke kamre me band ho gai” (that day all moments we spent together got locked in the room of our memories)

The moment he walked away from that room, I felt my heart shattering each second and into millions of pieces. I was the one who chose this for myself, letting go of the person whom I loved the most, even more than my own life. My choices in life were the ones which made me suffer the most but falling in love with him was never a choice, it was like fate and a string that was pulling me towards him and I went on with it.

I looked towards the door, from where he left, and saw Mishti coming inside, “Di, it’s time to go. Everyone’s waiting for you.” I took a deep breath and she hugged me tight, “Di, I hope he will understand” I hugged her tight, if only I could tell this to myself, but marriage? It’s the bond that holds two people together and there’s no turning back from the promises that would be made. “He can’t and so do I. I can’t make myself understand anything Mishti. I am hurting the person whom I love the most and it’s hurting me more.”

From there I don’t even remember how I walked down the aisle and I was already sitting beside the person with whom I was getting married, my face had no emotion. I couldn’t bring myself to look at anyone else. “Mishka, bring your hand forward” I was trying to focus on whatever was going on, but my body wasn’t responding to any of the words; I barely heard what maa said. I didn’t want to bring my hand forward, if I brought my hand and kept my hand on his, it would bind us forever in this sacred bond. “Mishka” Once more I hear her saying my name.

“Mishka” the moment I heard my name again but this was a different voice, I looked straight. I thought my eyes were deceiving me but I saw him walking towards me “You look so pretty Mishka, I always imagined you wearing this bridal lehenga, and look at you, you look so pretty but one thing I never imagined was, you wearing this and getting married to someone else.” and I couldn’t process anything, “you look so lovely Mishka, it feels like one of my dreams came true, partially I am so happy I got to see you in this.” I never interrupted him, but his voice was getting shaky, something which never happened to him, “Your parents came to visit me, they told me, they would never say yes and in the end, you chose them” “I am asking you for the one last time” and I could see the desperation on his face, “Take my hand and let’s runaway. I can’t see you getting married to someone else” he stopped, not very close to me and not very far from me.

There was silence, I almost couldn’t say anything, I wanted to say yes so badly but my whole family was holding me back, all the moments we spent together were flashing in front of me. I took a deep breath and was about to speak “Josh-”

“Looks like your silence and hesitation gave me the answer. Mishka, I love you so much that I can never explain in words, but one thing I can never do is, tumko kisi aur ka hote dekhna, I can never do that. I meant everything I told you that day.” He took out a gun and pointed at himself, and my reflexive action was to stand and run towards him, “Love and religion fought. We lost. We tried we tried so much, but in the end we lost. I will love you forever” And he shot himself, even before I could reach him, and his lifeless body was lying infront of me. I fell on my knees, I was holding his body, I tried shaking him, but there was no response, I wanted to hold his hand. The blood painted him and painted me red, I couldn’t see anything anymore. “Joshua, Joshua please wake up” I was shaking his body, I couldn’t do anything anymore, “Joshua, please wake up, let’s go”

I felt people coming towards me, all the emotions I was holding back, my tears came out and I was crying, I couldn’t stop.

“Mishka” and it was my mom, she was trying to pull me by my arm, but this time I pulled my arm back. I was holding Joshua’s hand and looked at her. “Dekh liya kya kar diya, khushi mil gai aap logo ko,” my mind wasn’t working anymore, “Losing yourself is better than losing the person you love and I saw the love of my life killing himself infront of me do you think I am in my right mind right now.” I grabbed the gun, “Mishka leave that”

“Mishka drop the gun”

“Mishka, don’t”

But all I could hear was his voice, his last words telling me he loved me. My ears were hearing his voice, my eyes never moved from his body. The fact, that the golden kurta he was wearing was now painted in red. I was going feral with each passing second, I was dying each second. I closed my eyes for a second and looked at my maa papa. I saw someone dragging Mishti away from me, I loved her but I loved him as well, he is alone, and he has no one here right now. I couldn’t leave him alone like this when he never left me.

“Ab iske baad jo bhi hoga uske jimmedaar baas aap dono honge, baas aap dono” (and whatever happens after this, two of you are going to be the reason, just you two) I was pointing the gun towards them and I could hear all the screaming and shouting but everything slowed down and in a fraction of a second I pointed the gun at myself and I pulled the trigger.

[samandcolbyownme]

more zach justice smut pleaseeee

As you WISH! I’m excited to write this one!

Warnings: SMUT18+, strong language/swearing, sneaking around, Bridgerton setting/themed, unprotected sex, kissing, biting, hair pulling, secret sex, almost getting caught, lots of proper language/actions, and lots of fluff and nasty filth

This is inspired by Bridgerton. There will be no spoilers for part 1 of season 3! But, if you have seen the show, you know they’re all british.. so.. read this as if everyone has an accent.

Word Count: 3.5k | not edited

I genuinely thought this song was bridgerton coded for this specifically?? (also, I added this at the end, so instead of daddy it will be mother - when you read, it’ll make sense, hopefully, k love you all bye!)

◦❥•◦❥•◦

You’ve been tossing and turning for hours into the late night.

Your mind bouncing back and forth between Duke Zachary, or as he likes only you to call him, Zach, and the Queen’s ball.

You loved Zach, you’ve come to love him with your full being, you just didn’t know if he knew that, but you didn’t think he was that foolish.

You were named, what the gossip letter in your town - Lady Felicity calls, the Diamond of the season. Mainly because you gained a lot more looks than any of the other girls who are also looking for a suitor along side yourself.

You wanted a husband, of course, but you want Zach to be the one to take your hand in marriage. He’s never said about if he wanted to or not, but you just wanted him so bad you didn’t care what you had to do or say.

You were wrapped around his finger, but he couldn’t deny it no matter how hard he tried - He was wrapped around yours, too.

You rolled over, staring up at the ceiling as you remember the first time you saw him.

- Your mother reaches over, tapping your knee gently, “Y/n, sweetheart.” You remove your stare from the window and place it onto her with a soft smile, “Yes Mother?”

“You look beautiful tonight, darling.” She smiles, placing the edge of her fan to her lips as her eyes grow watery, “oh.” She shakes her head, “I just knew you would be this seasons diamond.”

You shake your head as you look down, “I don’t recall you ever taking a liking to Lady Felicity, now Mother, I-..” The carriage jolts forward and you laugh slightly, “I will find a husband on my own terms. Lady Felicty can speak about whatever they must.”

The door opens and your mother steps out first, followed by your brother and sister, and then you. You look around, nodding your head at the man who helped you step down.

“Alright.” Your mother says as she links her arm with yours, “Come along, my dear. I hear there’s a Duke looking for a lady to wed.” You raise your eyebrows, “A Duke you say? Is he handsome?” You laugh slightly, eyes glancing around at the beautifully decorated ballroom.

“From what I’ve come to know, he is the most beloved suitor by all the young ladies.” Your mother nudges your side, “But just remember, you need to keep your options open.”

You walk up to Queen Darcie and the person closest to her, Lady Caswel. You both do a small curtsy as you bow your heads. “Your Majesty.” Your mother smiles, looking over to Lady Caswel, “Lady Caswel.”

They both nod and then their eyes turn to you. You give them both a smile, “You both look magnificent tonight.”

“Mm.” Queen Darcie nods, “I must say, agreeing with town gossip is not my strongest moment, but you my dear, are the diamond of the season, if I do say so myself.” She points to you and you manage to keep your composure, “Oh my, thank you, your majesty.”

You curtsy to her again and your mother thanks her quickly before walking away with you. You look up at her and you both can’t help but giggle happily as you walk further away. As you rounded the corner, you were bumped into, kind of roughly, by some man walking by.

“Excuse yourself, mister.” You say as you turn, giving him a glaring look, which quickly broke as soon as his eyes met yours, “Please, accept my apologies, um..”

You instantly finish his sentence, “Y/n y/l/n.”

“Please.” He repeats as he moves closer, his hand, his grip just hovering over the skin on your bicep, “My apologies, Miss Y/n.”

His hand moves down to take your hand in his. His lips press against your glove covered knuckles, and even thought his isn’t touching your skin, his touch still sets you on fire.

Giving you a feeling you have never felt for someone before, “Duke Zachary.” —

You let out a sigh before finally giving in to just being awake.

A yawn slips out as you swing your legs over the edge of the bed, reaching forward to grab your satin robe off of the arm of the chair by your bedside stand.

You slip your feet into your matching slippers before standing up. The back of the robe falling to cover the back of your legs as you tie it closed in the front.

You pause, your fingers coming up to cover your lips as your eyes meet the man you shouldn’t be seeing, like this at least.

You glance over your shoulder before you move to unlock your window and push it open. You lean forward, shaking your head as you fight back laughter as you watch the man scale the walls of your home to get to you.

He’s finally face to face with you and you can’t help but smile and lunge in to kiss him.

He wraps an arm around your waist, pushing you backwards as he climbs in and closes the window, “Have you missed me, sweetheart?” He whispers against your lips as his hands move to undo the bow resting on your torso.

“More than you can ever imagine.” You smile as you pull him back to your bed, “We have to be qu-“

He kisses you mid sentence, mumbling a quiet, “I know” before pushing you back to lay on the bed, his body moving up over yours, kissing the skin that isn’t being covered by your robe or nightgown.

“Please.” You beg as you lace your fingers through his hair, “Touch me. It has been far..” His hand drags your nightgown up your thigh.

“Too..” you breathe out as you feel his hand dip between your, now parting thighs, “Long, my darling.”

You lay your hand on his neck, biting down on your lip as your feel his lips press against your skin, his fingers moving to lay on your clit and he looks up at you with a smirk, “Mm, no panties, sweetheart?”

You bite your lip, giving him a shrug, “Couldn’t sleep.”

He licks his lips, parting them as he watches your face twist with pleasure as he starts to slowly rub circles on your clit.

Your nails dig into his neck and you let out a semi loud moan. Zach kisses your parted lips, your panting breathes brushing against his, “Shh.”

He slides two fingers down and pushes them into your soaked cunt, “Did you succeed with pleasuring yourself?”

You whimper as Zach’s question makes a rose colored tint appear a top your cheeks, “N-no.” He tilts his head, “No? Did you do it like I showed you, darling?”

You nod, rolling your hips as you desperately chase your release that’s building up rather quickly, “I-I tried, Zachary.”

He groans at his full first name coming from your lips, “We shall work on it another time, my love.” He leans in, moving his lips with yours and your hands pull him closer to you, whimpering against his lips as his fingers are dragging you over the edge.

He pushes his bicep under your head and curls his arm around to lay his hand over your mouth.

Your walls squeeze his fingers as they work you through your high, his other hand keeping your moans from getting the two of you caught.

That would be a nightmare, people knowing that you have been, as they say, defiled before marriage.

“I have missed this.” Zach whispers, “I have missed you.” He plants a few kisses to your cheek as he withdrawals his fingers from you.

He brings them up to rest upon your bottom lip and they part like they already knew what to do.

He gasps as he watches your lips wrap around them, humming as your tongue works up and down, licking off the taste of yourself, “If anyone knew.. just how devious you truly are..”

He pulls his bottom lip between his teeth as his eyes scan over your face and you smirk, bringing your finger up drag along his jawline, “And just what would they say?”

You hum lowly as your eyes meet his, “Do tell me, my darling.”

He rolls over, pinning your hands down by your head, “I think they would go on a ravenous tangent about how I defiled your pureness and ruined such a beautiful..” he kisses your chest, “young woman.”

He groans into your neck as his tongue drags up your skin, “But they wouldn’t be saying those things if they knew just how radiant you look beneath the touch of my own hand.”

You moan out at his words and his kiss cuts it short. While your lips move in a heated passion, his hand moves down to drag your nightgown up your legs and hold it at your waist while he grinds against you.

Your hand that isn’t still pinned down, moves down to undo the button on his trousers. Zach smirks and shakes his head, “Getting so much quicker at that.”

You smile and slip your hand in, both of you gasping quietly when your hand slides against his cock.

Zach reaches down, laying a hand over yours, “I need to be inside of you.”

You move to take off your panties as quick as you can, all while he’s pushing his trousers down his thighs, “so beautiful.” He leans forward, eyes locked onto yours as your legs fall over your waist.

You feel the tip of his cock rub against your opening and you feel your heart beating faster, “P-please.” You whisper, hips practically moving on their own, begging for the feeling of his cock inside of you.

Zach’s head falls, resting against your forehead as your moans from him sliding into you, mix together, “Oh, my god.” He sighs, shaking his head slightly, “It always feels like I’m taking you for the very first time again.”

You whimper as he crashes his lips onto yours, his hand sliding up to gently wrap around your neck, “I love you.”

You part your lips, adoring those words like you haven’t heard them over and over again.

You’d marry Zach now, but your mother thinks it’s best to give it a little while, make sure you truly feel happy with him, and not just because of his title.

Your mother would turn into an absolute lunatic if she knew just how often you see Duke Zachary and also, what you do with him when no one is watching.

“I love you.” You whisper, nodding up at him as you lay a hand on his cheek, “I love you.”

He pulls you close to him, rolling over onto his back. He grips your hips, getting you to keep moving. He moves the nightgown that fell down to block his view, “You take me so incredibly well, darling.”

You look down at him, biting into your lip to muffle your moans as your hands push his crumpled dress shirt up.

He reaches up, pulling down the low cut neckline so it’s under your breasts. His eyes focus on his hands moving to knead and squeeze, earning whimpers from you.

You gasp loudly and Zach pulls you down onto his chest, his arms wrap around your back before he begins to thrust upward.

You bury your face into his chest, gasping and clawing at his chest as you feel suddenly feel nothing but pleasure radiate all through your body.

It wasn’t long after, Zach’s hips come to a slow stop, his arms loosen around your body and his chest heaves you up and down with each quick breath he takes.

It’s silent, nothing but the faint pants coming from your bodies, which lay motionless together on your bed.

“The Queen’s Ball is tonight.” You say as your eyes glance over at the clock on your nightstand that reads 04:26 AM, “I’m going with Mother in a few hours to fetch my dress from the Modiste.”

You sit up, fixing your nightgown before standing, “Mother thinks I should explore more options.”

Zach furrows his brows, sitting up as soon as the words leave your lips, “Hang on, that doesn’t make any sense, I thought she loved me?”

You laugh slightly, “She does, darling. She does. And I do, too.” You lean down to kiss his lips, “I think the Queen wants to watch the men fall for this seasons diamond.”

“Mm.” Zach nods, pursing his lips, “I’m going to have to put up a harder fight out there, huh?”

You cover your mouth as you giggle, crawling back into his lap, “I think it’s quite..” you scrunch your nose and smirk, “Sexy.”

He straights his posture and smiles, “Well, thank you m’lady.” You laugh and press kisses to his neck. He pulls his neck away and turns his face into hours, “I don’t believe we have time to go again, my love.”

You sigh, still attempting to kiss him, “Are you certain?”

He chuckles quietly and lifts his hand and grabs you by the neck. You gasp at the sudden move and he pushes you back, biting his lip at how much control he has over you, what you and Duke Zachary have is once in a lifetime.

“My mind isn’t going to be able to focus on the Queen’s Ball tonight.” He shakes his head, eyes moving from his hand to your eyes, “Not when I have the imagine of my hand wrapped around this beautiful little throat in there, as well.”

Your breath hitches at his words and he can’t help but smirk, “I’ll see you tonight.” He pulls you in, pecking your lips before moving to fix himself as he walks over to your window.

“Be safe.” You stand up, watching as he climbs out the open window. He looks up at you and gives you a wink, “Always.”

And with that, he’s gone, but you knew you were definitely seeing him way before the Queen’s Ball.

◦❥•◦❥•◦

Your secret romance with Duke Zachary has been going on since the night he ran into you, even after the nights you spent dancing and flirting with other men, mainly just to make your other and the Queen happy.

You and Zach both knew that it didn’t mean anything. You saved everything for him, especially when you got him alone afterwards.

You were certain, as soon as you laid eyes on him, that he was the one, and just like you told Zach, you were the diamond of the season.

You had more suitors coming to your home to try and swoon you in a day than you really thought was unnecessary.

Zach, of course. Showed up everyday and stayed until they all left. He intimidated them, which you couldn’t help but snicker secretly at when you seen the look on the losing suitors face.

You can never bring yourself to ask Zach about it, you just convince yourself that it’ll happen, but it’s almost the end of the season and you haven’t had a ring slipped on your finger yet.

You took a deep breath, smoothing your hands over the fabric of the beautiful dress beneath your bare hands, “Anastasia did a marvelous job.”

You look over at your mother in the mirror, “Don’t you think, mother?”

Your mother looks up, “Oh yes. Yes. I believe she did do a very-“

“What is it?” You cut her off, turning to face her. The housemaid glances up at you and you sigh slightly, trying to compose yourself, “Sorry.”

You look up at your mother and she tilts her head, “The Queen wants you engaged by tonight.”

“Tonight? Why so soon? What has changed, mother?”

She tilts her head, “You are drawing.. too much attention away from the other girls. The Queen thinks it is best you accept one of the engagements you already have extended out to you.

You feel a dull ache in your chest.

The engagements.

You were actually dreading this, but you can only blame yourself in this situation. You were too caught up with sneaking around and lying to everyone around you that you’re forced to pick one of the options given and the one you one isn’t there.

“Talia. Please give my mother and I a moment.” You glance down at your housemaid and she instantly leaves the room.

“I love Duke Zachary, mother.” You shift towards her, moving the loose skirt of your gown with your hands, “He loves me. I know he’ll propose, I just..”

“He’s..” she steps close, leaning in, “Your brother told me that he’s what they call.. a rake.. I believe.”

You shake your head, “If Duke Zachary spent his time at that underground drunken gambling ring, he would know about the three engagement offers.”

Your mother raises her brows, “And you know this how, sweetheart?”

“He would have spoken to me about it, of course.” You swallow, “On our afternoon walks, he would have asked me what I was going to do because he is still an eligible suitor to me, mother.”

She nods, “Very well then.” She takes a deep breathe, “If Duke Zachary does not propose before midnight tonight. You will accept another suitors proposal. Right.”

“No.” You shake your head, “I won’t, mother. You cannot make me marry someone I do not love and I promise you I will not love anyone like I love Zachary.”

You step down off of the platform, “I will marry him. I will have him children.”

Your mother’s eyes grow wide and she lays a hand on her chest, “Have yo-

You bite down on your lip, “I’m not, but you should see your face.” You raise your brows, laughing at the fact that Zach has rubbed off on you in more ways that. One.

Your mother scoffs, “Y/n. You will not disgrace the name of this family by not obeying the queens order. You will be engaged by to-“

“I’ll tell you something right now, mother. I would rather burn my whole life down than to do something that will not bring me joy for the rest of my life.”

She stares at you for a few moments, “Is there a reason he hasn’t proposed yet, darling? Has that thought crossed your thoughts at all?”

You shake your head, “Have you not heard the rumors? What lady Felicity has said about Duke Zachary and I?” You walk over, ”He is poetry, and I am his poet.. Please, mother. Give him time.”

She shakes her head, “We must do what the Queen has asked of us.”

You take a few steps back, bunching up your dress as you shake your head, “No.” You run towards the door, dress unbuttoned and ruffling behind you as you run down the hall.

Your mother running out the door after you, “No! Y/n, come back here!”

“Mother no.” Your eldest brother grabs her and holds her back.

You make your way out the front doors, a small crowd following you, unsure of what’s happening, they’re just trying to ensure your safety.

“Y/n!”

You freeze, tear soaked face looking up at Zach, “Zach?” You whisper, barely audible, “What.. what are-“

You stop walking when Zach drops down to one knee, “Y/n..” he starts, reaching out for your hands, “My love.”

You walk up to him immediately, placing your hands into his, not even bothering to wipe away your tears.

“I love you. The other day you asked me why I love you and I told you the truth. You feel like home to me. You have bewitched me. Your mind, your body. Your soul. You complex me in the best ways and I just have this fire within me that only your kiss can put out.” He pulls you down to his level and you sit on your knees, hands moving to cup his cheeks as his do the same to you.

“The most beautiful part about all of this, is that I wasn’t even looking when I found you. If you hadn’t snapped at me for bumping into you, I would have kept moving right along.”

You laugh slightly and sniffle. Zach wipes away your tears and looks into your eyes, “Will you choose me to be the one to spend the rest of your life with?”

“You know about the other engagements?” You squint your eyes and Zach nods, “Well, when you’re running down the street trying to get to you while listening to your sister scream that you need to be engaged by tonight, I got the rest myself.”

“My sis-“ you look over at your sister and she smiles, giving you a small wave. You laugh, “Unbelievable.” You look at Zach, “So what are you asking Duke Zachary?”

He smiles, “I believe, I’m asking if you will do me the honor in marrying me, Miss Y/n.”

He pulls out a ring from his suit pocket and you gasp, “Oh my gosh.” You look up at him, nodding, “Yes, over and over. Yes.”

You pull him in for a kiss and everyone around you cheers as he brings you to your feet, slipping the ring in before he lifts you up, lips on yours as he spins you around, “I love you.”

“I love you.”

◦❥•◦❥•◦

Let me know what you thought of this! As always, I love you all and thank you for reading!! 🖤🖤

Likes and reblogs are majorly appreciated!!

[vanfleeter]

Matched: Chapter 5 - The Band or The Film

Characters: Jake Kiszka x Thea Foster Warnings: 18+. Angst. Language. Yelling. Arguments. Mentions of physical violence. Smut. Sex. Oral sex (f receiving). Fluff. The usual fluffy stuff. Mentions of pregnancy. A/N: Sike! I'm giving you the next chapter tonight! No more waiting! We have reached the midway part of the series. The whirlwind of this love story approaches soon.

The following morning I woke up to an empty bed beside me. It still feels warm as I brush my hand over the tousled sheets. She hasn’t been gone for long. Climbing out of bed, I slide on my slippers and head out of the room. The rich smell of coffee fills my nostrils as I descend the stairs. Stepping into the kitchen, I find Thea at the kitchen island with a book in one hand while the other cradles a cup of coffee.

“Good morning,” She smiles as she sets her book down on the table along with her book. “I just sat down for coffee, would you like some?”

She starts to move but I hold up my hand. “You shouldn’t be moving so much,” I say as I walk over to the coffee pot. “You should be resting.” I hear her scoff before the sound of the stool scrapes over the floor. She winces from the movement and I cross the kitchen to catch her arm. I look at her, the stern order in my eyes to tell her to sit back down. She returns the look, but with more sass as she slides back onto the stool. I can’t help but to chuckle and I kiss her cheek.

She reaches for my hand, the hand I had used to punch Sam in the face. It’s still bruised slightly, though it was managed to be covered well during the few shows that we have done. “Does it still hurt?” She asks as she gently rubs the pad of her thumb over my knuckles.

I shake my hand, placing my other hand over top of hers. “I’m a lot better off than you,” I say, crackling a smile on my face.

“Ass..” She mutters as she shoves me away.

I can’t help but to laugh and pull her back into my body. “I’m only joking, love.” I say as I kiss her forehead. “It hurts every now and then, but it’s healing just fine, according to our physician.”

“Good,” She says as she lowers our hands. “I still can’t believe you punched your own brother in the face.”

“Not the first time,” I say.

“But was it ever over a woman?”

I shake my head. “No, he and I have never fought over a woman.”

“And will you ever again?”

“No..”

“Good,” She brings my hand up to her lips and gingerly kisses my knuckles. “Because I am yours, you doof, and I always will be. Don’t ever question my love for you again. Do you understand?”

I smile and lift her chin with my other hand. “I love you,” I say before pressing my lips to hers. “I promise to never question you again.”

I never wanted to doubt her love for me, nor do I want her to doubt my love for her. I vowed to myself in that moment that my love would run deep for the both of us, for our future. I still think of creating a family with her, the three children still resting in the back of my mind, willing me to stay true to this love that we share.

I realize that we haven’t been together for a long time, but I knew from the first day I met her, she was the one for me. I saw her in every corner of my life, there wasn’t a space where her presence wasn’t missed. Even today as I show her my love in a simple kiss, I am thinking of her invading everything once again.

I wish to make love to her every day, take her out for romantic dinners or trips to the bookstore. Which reminds me that there’s a Spring sale going on at the store. Every book is fifty percent off for two days, ahead of a new shipment coming in. She’d like that–no–she’d love that. If I could buy the whole store for her, I would. Make a whole library just for her to enjoy. Well–for both of us to enjoy.

“You’re thinking again,” She says, pulling me away from my thoughts. “What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?”

“I know there’s a sale going on at the bookstore,” I say. “Maybe we can go there tomorrow and pick out more books.”

“You’re walking a dangerous line by fueling my love for books.” She says, making me chuckle.

“Great knowledge comes from books,” I say. “Even the ones that are filled with all of those love scenes.” I see her cheeks flush and I smirk. “Yeah, I know what you’re reading.” She tries to give me an innocent smile, but I know her all too well. “You are a very naughty woman,” I say, kissing her again. She bites down onto my bottom lip as I lick my tongue over her top lip.

She releases my lip and licks her tongue over it. Immediately I attach my lips to her neck, sucking and biting and licking, leaving marks in a trail as I make my way down to the top of her cleavage. I press a kiss in between her breasts before falling to my knees in front of her. She’s only wearing her oversized shirt, seemingly having discarded her pants throughout the night. I feel her lean backwards against the island as I kiss the tops of her thighs. Voluntarily, she spreads her legs open, revealing her naked center. Seems she has discarded her underwear too.

When I happen to glance up at her, I come to find that she’s already looking down at me with a small smile gracing her beautiful face. I press my lips to the innermost part of her thigh and begin to suck at it before nipping at the sensitive skin. I hear her suck in a sharp breath as I swipe my tongue through her folds. I tease her a little, jiggly her now throbbing clit.

Her legs wrap around my head as I begin to devour her pussy. She’s completely soaking wet, her arousal painting the bottom half of my face as I lick and I suck. Thrusting my tongue inside of her, one of her hands flies to my head, entangling her fingers with my hair, while her other hand flies to the counter with a loud smack. She moans deeply as I feel her body lean further back, pushing her soaked core harder against my face, my nose adding the needed friction against her clit.

I grasp tightly to her ass, pushing her harder against my face as I delve deeper into her, as far as I can go. If suffocating myself inside of her is the way to go, then by all means, take me now.

My name slips from her mouth in a breathy moan, “Jake..” I have learned the movements of her body, what signals her impending release. She squirms ever slightly, chasing the needed friction she needs–craves–as her body draws nearer to its end. Seconds later, I have her gushing. The walls of the dam are finally breaking and flooding me with the sweet taste of her undoing. I devour every drop that she makes, not wanting to waste a single bit of it.

Once I clean her up well, I pull away, wiping the back of my hand over my mouth. I’m still on my knees as I lift my eyes to look at her. Her head is hung back still as her chest heaves with every breath.

Running my hands delicately up her thighs, I stand to my feet and lean over top of her. She opens her eyes to look at me, a lazy smile spreading across her face. I chuckle and kiss her lips.

“If this album can be completed within the next six months, we could have a tour as soon as the album is released.”

“Why so fast?” Sam asks. “Doesn’t it feel a little rushed?”

“Your contract is almost up, unless you decide to sign a new one, in which case you will be contracted to produce three more albums within the next five years.”

“And if we get this album done within the next six months, when will the tour start?” Josh asks. “Because my film just got accepted into a festival in New York..”

“Not until September.. First show will be on the 21st in Los Angeles.”

“That’s the same day as the festival,” Josh says. “I can’t do that. Can’t we push it forward a day?”

“No, the venue already has days booked for hockey games. This is the best timeline we got.”

“But my film.. I have to be there..”

“The band is your highest priority right now.”

I can see Josh’s eyebrows knit together, not out of confusion but anger. “This band can wait!” He shouts as he stands to his feet. “I worked hard on this film! I am not giving it up this time!”

“Josh, please calm down..”

“No, I won’t!” He pushes his chair back and steps away from the table. “I have given the last decade of my life to this band, to support Jake’s dream! I am just asking for this one day! One day! This could be big for me!”

“You have a choice, Josh, the band or the film. But if you choose your film, it will make you and the band look bad to the label.”

“Oh fuck the label!” He continues yelling. “I do everything that this fucking label asks of me!”

“Josh,” I say, grabbing his arm. “We’ll figure this out. Come on..”

“Don’t you ‘come on’ me,” He says. “Had you not come back from your stupid boat trip, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.” He rips his arm out of my hand and storms out of the room.

I give a quick apology to the team before standing from my chair to leave the room. “Josh!” I call as I rush after him down the hallway. “Josh! Stop!” I finally catch up to him just before he steps outside of the building. “What the fuck was that?”

“That?!” He spins to face me. “That was me yet again having to give up my life for you!” He stabs his finger into my chest, his eyes flickering back and forth between mine.

“J-Josh, I’m sorry.. I didn’t know, but the band–”

“Forget about the band for one second, Jake!” He pulls his hand away and drops them both to his sides. “What about me?! Your brother! Your goddamn twin for fuck’s sake! Don’t get me wrong, Jake, I’ve enjoyed being a part of this, and it’s been amazing–but when will it be my turn?”

“Josh, we-”

“We? Who is this ‘we’?” He jabs his finger into my chest again repeatedly as he speaks, “You decided to be a fucking baby and take off on a boat because you got your heart broken! You left and we started moving on to our own endeavors because we didn’t know when you were coming back or if you were coming back at all!l

“I needed to leave!” I shout back. “I did it for me because yes, my heart was broken but I needed to get out and find me–who I am! I’m sorry that this is all happening so quickly all of sudden, and I’m sorry that your film is being pushed to the back burner again, but what am I supposed to do, Josh?! I didn’t want to come back so quickly either! Don’t you think I’d want to be in New York with you celebrating your film at the festival?! Yes! This is your chance to make a name for yourself in the film industry! Get your directorial debut and show everyone the fucking multitalented bastard you are!”

“But the fucking tour, Jake, it’s the same day as the festival.”

“Okay so we scrap that day and officially start the tour on the next one.” I bring my hand up to rest on his shoulder. “We can do this, I know we can. We are in this together–whether you like it or not, because face it, Josh, we’re stuck with each other for the rest of our lives.”

Josh chuckles and rolls his eyes. “You mean it?”

“Of course I do. Now.. Let’s go back to that meeting and make some negotiations. I’m not letting your dream slip through the cracks.”

As we make our way back down the hall and to the conference room, he stops me in front of the door. “On a scale of one to ten, how much of a diva was I back there?”

I shrug my shoulders, “Eh.. I’d say an eight–eight and a half.”

“Damn.. That’s gotta be a record.”

“No, I don’t think so. You weren’t nearly as bad as you were during that first festival show. Now that was at least nine and three quarters.”

“Oh fuck off..”

I laugh and pat his shoulder. “Come on, let’s get you to that festival.”

Coming home that evening, I find Thea’s car parked in the driveway. She came back after work. Shutting off the car, I get out and make my way up to the door. “Thea?” I call out as I close the door behind me. Kicking off my boots and hanging up my jacket, I start to head for the kitchen when I spy her in the living room, lying on the couch.

Stepping into the room, I go over to the couch only to find her fast asleep and curled up underneath a couple blankets. Gently I shake her awake. She hums in response as she peels her eyes open.

“Have a good nap?” I chuckle.

“What time is it?”

“Almost seven,” I say. “How long have you been here?”

She sits up, the blankets falling from her shoulders. “Not long.. I was going to go home but I missed you all day..”

“That makes two of us..” I say as I lean back against the couch and pull her with me.

It was quiet for a few moments, neither of us speaking but just enjoying the silence together. I can’t help but to wonder if it will always be like this? How many quiet nights can the two of us be together before the chaos sets in? I have to tell her about what the next year entails, and if it would be something that she is ready for. Would she want to go with me? Willing to drop everything and follow me on tour when the time comes. I know she said that she would, but was it the truth? Or will I have to part from her again for six months and only get to see her on the occasional trips she’ll take out to visit.

After Josh’s meltdown, rightfully so, we managed to make negotiations with the tour scheduling. Instead of starting on the 21st of September, we’d start in October and that last week and half of September would then be moved to the end of the tour in March.

Six months. Could I live those six months without her constantly by my side? Sounds selfish, I know. That word seems to be a perfect way to describe us both lately. And we are selfish. Selfish for each other, for all of the time spent together and never apart. Selfish in the means of keeping each other to ourselves. I am selfish. I’ve admitted it before. But six months away, should she choose to stay back. I won’t force her to go, though I’m sure I could convince her to. I would never use the ploy of sex, but would she survive without my cock for that long? I don’t think any dildo will satisfy her needs.

God that sounds horrible.

“How was work today?” She asks, dragging me out of the spiraling of thoughts inside of my head.

“It was okay.. Josh and I got into a fight..”

“Jake..” She sighs.

“Don’t worry,” I laugh. “We just used strong words versus our fists, I promise.”

“What did you two fight about?”

“The band and his film… The original start date of the tour would have been the same night as the film festival. Management wasn’t giving him a choice and he blew up…”

“Oh..”

“He started blaming me for this whole thing–said that if I hadn’t come back from my trip then he wouldn’t have to give up film again.. He was angry, saying that he gave the last decade of his life to the band and wondering when his turn will come..”

I shifted on the couch, slouching a little further so she could lay comfortably on my chest before I continued.

“I managed to calm him down, explain our options.. Then we went back to the meeting and negotiated with management. We’ll start the tour a week and half later than planned so Josh can attend the film festival.”

She hums against my chest and reaches for my hand. “That's good, I’m sure he’s happy about that.”

“He is..” I say. I flip my hand over and she tangles her fingers with mine. “He deserves this.”

“Do you think he’ll ever get his turn?” Thea lifts her head to look at me.

I nod my head. “He will, I know he will.” I bring her hand up to my lips and press a gentle kiss upon her knuckles. “Which brings me into the next thing..”

“Uh oh..”

I chuckle, shaking my head. “It’s not a bad thing.. I hope.”

Thea sits back up but still keeps our hands intertwined together. “Is it about the tour?” She asks.

I nod my head. “Six months, starting in October. We’ll be gone until March–with the occasional breaks in between for holidays and such.. The team is making the necessary adjustments for anyone that we decide to bring along with us, should we want to..”

“Is this your way of asking me if I would like to come along with you?”

I nod my head. “I would love for you to join me, but I understand with work and all if it’s not possible.”

“Well lucky for you, my job is pretty flexible.. I can do it pretty much from anywhere.. From my bedroom, to the streets of Paris, maybe even Rio–if we go there,” She shrugs her shoulders and I laugh.

“Oh, we are.” I say. “And we are going to have so much fun. Brazil is beautiful, I seem to fall in love with the country even more each time I go there.”

“Yeah?”

I nod my head and kiss her cheek. “I want to show you the world, but until then–I need food.” I say as my stomach grumbles.

“When was the last time you ate?” She asks.

“Noon.” I sigh. “Didn’t have time to go back out to get something to eat and the donuts at the office were stale..” I grimace before hanging my head back against the back of the couch.

She pats my belly before pushing herself off the couch. “Come on then, let’s go make dinner.”

There’s come a time in one’s life where, in one sliver of time, that they feel complete. Where everything feels as if it’s in the exact place that it’s meant to be. At this moment, I feel like that. In this moment, of quiet and of peaceful nature, all feels right.

I lie there in the bed, softly tracing my fingers over the expanse of her shoulder. She’s fast asleep, after the first five minutes of the movie we had begun to watch flickered on the television screen. I remained awake to watch it, and stayed awake even after it ended just to watch her sleep. Some might find that creepy, others romantic. Admiration for their lover, their soulmate, the person they want to spend the rest of their life with. She is all of that and more to me.

Thea is the light in the darkness, the one who leads me back to safety. Who has led me back to safety. Though she lures me to the deep waters, I find it’s only to explore my darkest self in order to be able to swim back to the surface and breathe in a deep breath of fresh air, and to find me. Who I really am.

I’m not Jake Kiszka, guitarist in a rock band. Not with her, no. With her, I’m just..Jake. And just Thea. My Dorothea.

“Dorothea..” I whisper into the dark.

I’ve never said her full name before, and it felt foreign rolling off my tongue in that hushed whisper. But it also felt sweet, like chocolate melting on one’s tongue.

She hums in her sleep, twisting slightly to turn her head and look over her shoulder. Her eyes flutter open and search the dark until they land on me.

“Why are you not asleep?” She whispers.

“I just wanted to watch you sleep,” I say.

She turns her body over and curls into my body. Her hand rests on my chest and she kisses my skin before laying her head to rest against me too.

“At least the dark conceals how awful I must look.” She says with a giggle, knowing full well I’ll laugh and disagree.

“Remember when I told you that the sun makes your eyes glow like root beer barrels?” She giggles again, nodding her head. “Well,” I shift my body slightly to meld with hers as I wrap my around her. “The small little streak of the moonlight shining in right now casts the perfect, cool glow over your skin. Skin that is so soft, about as soft as cotton.”

“About?” She tilts her head back slightly so she can look at me.

“Mmhmm, because what I like about your skin is that it is equally soft as it is a little rough.”

“Jake, I think you need some sleep.” She says as she pats my chest. “You sound a little delirious.”

I chuckle and lean down to kiss her forehead. “Sleep won’t help much, because you make me delirious.”

“I guess the same could be said about you.”

Eventually she falls back asleep, her light breath tickling my skin just the slightest. But soon I find myself falling asleep soon after she does.

When morning comes, I wake up to an empty bed once again but this time she left a note on the pillow:

Went to breakfast with a friend. Left you coffee in the pot, just needs to be warmed up. I’ll be back soon. I love you, Dorothea

I smile at her use of her full name before setting the note back down and sliding out of bed. Sure enough, she did leave coffee so I warmed it up as I cooked myself breakfast. Soon the morning came and went and she hadn’t come home yet, so I busied myself, working on some of the new songs for the album. Despite Josh’s outburst yesterday, we came up with a few new ideas for songs. To ease his stress, I took Josh’s notebook home with me to go over lyrics, maybe come up with a melody or two.

I had barely gotten through the third song when I heard the front door open and shut. It didn’t take Thea long to find me in my study.

“I thought I heard you playing,” She says as she leans on the threshold. “Figured you’d be in the studio until I found it empty.”

I give her a small smile and set my guitar off to the side. “I was too lazy to go back downstairs..” I say. Pushing off the threshold, she makes her way over and leans down to give me a kiss.

“How was your morning?” She asks.

“Quiet,” I answered. “A little lonely.”

“I’m sorry, she called when I woke up this morning and said she had news to share.”

“News you can share with me?”

Thea nods her head and sits down on the couch beside me. “She’s pregnant–twelve weeks along.”

“I guess congratulations are in order,” I say as I lean over to peck her lips. “Is that why you came back later?”

“Mmhmm.. After we finished breakfast, I went to the store and bought some stuff.”

“Already spoiling the baby and it’s not even born yet.” She grins and eagerly nods her head making me laugh.

“Do you want to see what I bought?”

“Sure, why not?” I say standing from the couch and following her down to the kitchen.

First she showed a bag for a boy, the usual. Clothes–matching outfits, socks, shoes, hats. It was the same for a girl, just all pink. Literally everything was pink, and sparkly. She even went all out and bought toys, and a stack of books.

“Hmph,” I pick up a copy of Treasure Island and flip through the pages.

“Never too young to start learning about pirates,” Thea says. “So, what do you think?”

“You really went all out,” I comment as I look over all of the baby stuff. I picked up a pair of small boots. They’re tiny enough to fit into the palm of my hand. “And say the baby is either–or.. What will you do with the rest?”

“Return it,” She shrugs her shoulders. “Or maybe keep it–you never know where the future might lead.”

We catch each other's eyes and I can see the gleam in hers. If only she knew the dreams that I have for us. The home that I have built in my head, the life we live with our three kids. But I can’t tell her that. What if she doesn’t feel the same way that I do? What if we aren’t meant to be? We had already parted once because of my stupidity–what if it happens again and we never find our way back to each other?

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Want to be added to my general tag list? Please reach out and I'll be happy to add you! ♡

If you are missing from the list, I do apologize--I may have missed you or tumblr won't let me tag you! But please reach out and let me know if you do not see yourself and I will work on getting that fixed!

[ecoamerica]

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

[the-marigold-reception]

Hi! I was wondering if you could do Mordecai writing a love letter confessing his feelings to his love interest. I believe he wouldn’t be as poetic as Rocky, but since he is so into reading and talking with big words I do think it would be a little dramatic letter. Just a paroxysm of everything he may feel.

If you don’t like that idea, how about him as a secret admirer? (As you may have noticed, I am quite a big fan of love letters, lmao). How he would struggle to leave his letters without being seen and the way he would try to get his crush to say anything about it while not looking suspiciously involved.

Thank you very much. Your page is my favourite, so I hope you don’t mind taking one of my ideas.

To Whom It May Concern,

I have admired you for some time now, and I must confess my feelings. Your presence captivates me, and I find myself thinking of you incessantly. I harbor a deep affection for you that cannot remain unspoken any longer.

Yours Truly,

A Secret Admirer

It takes him a while to actually place the letter somewhere you’ll find it

He’s so nervous to be this vulnerable about his emotions

When he finally posts the letter into your letterbox, in the dead of night, fully decked out in black so no one- not even you would be unable to spot him

The next night he’ll come back and see the letter is gone- now he knows the waiting game is afoot

He won’t have to ask you if you’ve received any weird mail because you’ll come straight to him

(He’s very happy that you depend on him for help with simple things)

“Mordecai! I got this letter and I realllllly want to know who it is- can you help me draw up a systematic chart of likely to unlikely?”

The strong urge to tell you it’s him starts there

But he is flattered when you write his name down first out of anyone-

If you don’t figure it out after the first letter, he’ll send you another

To Whom It May Concern

It is with a trembling hand and an eager heart that I pen these words to you. The world around us is a tempest of change and noise, yet in your presence, I find a sanctuary of calm. The bustle of the city, the clamor of the jazz bands, all fade into a distant murmur when I am with you. It is as if time itself pauses, granting us a stolen moment of eternity.

How I wish I could express these feelings openly, but alas, the constraints of our world bind me to the shadows.

Yet, let this letter serve as a beacon of my affection, a silent testimony to the depths of my devotion. Until the day we can walk freely under the sun, I shall remain, faithfully and fervently,

Yours, in silence and in longing.

He’s a bit worried about what your reaction will be when you figure out it’s him

If you figure out it’s him-

You definitely know

You snuck into his office and checked the penmanship, the speech pattern was the same as Mordecai’s and he’d started to get increasingly nervous around you

One day a letter is slid under Mordecai’s office door whilst he’s working

To my Longing Admirer

Your letter found its way to my heart as surely as a sunbeam pierces through the morning mist. Your words, so tender and earnest, have stirred within me a curiosity and a longing I can scarcely describe.

It is with a blend of trepidation and exhilaration that I respond to your heartfelt confession. The sentiments you have shared resonate deeply with my own unspoken dreams and desires. Though the world may impose its boundaries upon us, I find myself yearning to transcend them, if only for a moment.

Might we dare to meet, and allow our hearts the luxury of true connection? If it pleases you, let us rendezvous at the Serendipity Tearoom on the corner of Elm and Rose, this Saturday at three o'clock. There, amidst the soft murmur of whispered secrets and the delicate clink of teacups, we may find solace in each other's company.

I shall be the one with a single gardenia, tucked gently in the folds of my dress. Until then, I remain,

Yours in hopeful anticipation,

An Enchanted Soul

[should I do a Part 2?]

[zerokurokawa]

Hiii, i love your writings! The way you do it so fast too is so amazing 😳 if you have time could u write lovestruck kazutora x bestfriend reader who he has a crush on. Reader gets harassed a lot of times because of her curves and kazu being the man he is stands up for her and beats them up🤭 when they’re alone he’s always acting so whiny and needy and reader is confused about his feelings so she confronts him but he’s scared to admit so they fight a little and don’t talk for days and then he grew a pair and decides it’s time

Being Curvy Has Its Perks | Kazutora X Curvy!Reader <3

You had the perfect body in Kazutora's eyes, he could never keep his eyes off you. Although, being curvy did have its perks, it often had its downfalls as well. Other men would often harass you, stare at you, and cat call you from across the street, even if you were being seen with Kazutora. 

Kazutora would often get jealous when it ultimately came to you. He would find himself getting upset when these random men would try to come on to you. One day, it got out of control. 

"Hey pretty, whatchu doing?" One guy would say as he tried to grope your waist. Kazutora had lost it. Next thing you knew, you were pulling him off the guy as he was beating the total shit out of him. Kazutora knew what he was doing and he wasn't going to stop either. You were his best friend that he also had feelings for, so he felt the need to defend you at any moment in time. 

After you managed to pull Kazutora off the estranged, yet, oddly bold man, you decided it would be best to head back to your home. 

"Why in the hell would you do that?" You beckoned at him, low-key pissed that he would result to fighting immediately. 

"Because he was trying to feel you up, y/n!" Kazutora exclaimed, worried that you were truly pissed at him. Truth was, you found it oddly attractive that he would go that far to stand up for you. 

"You didn't have to result to fighting the dude, though." You told him, crossing your arms in the process. 

"I had to! Who knows what in the world was going through his sick little mind." He tried to defend himself, knowing that you were going to give in to him eventually. The words that came out of his mouth made our blood boil with anger. Just figuring how disgusting other men could be made you uncomfortable. 

"I could've handled it myself, Tora." He smiled slightly at his nickname. He knew he was winning you over now - or so he thought. You didn't like him fighting. You didn't like him even being in a gang, let along, jumping on random guys. 

"No, you couldn't have. That's why I had to of been there." He tried to reason with you as you had a disappointed look on your face. That's when you asked him to leave. You didn't know what feeling you were feeling, all you knew was that he had made you upset by doing what he did, even if it was to defend you. 

_____________________________________________________________________________

It had been three days since the incident and Kazutora was upset. You had barely spoken to him and this led him to believe that you hated him. You didn't hate him, you just hated the way he was sometimes. He was over protective when it came to you, even when it came to the clothes you would wear. If you wore a pair of shorts that hugged your waist perfectly, he would offer you his jacket and tell you to cover up. This was the problem - you had no idea why he was acting like this and you needed to figure it out. 

After a short phone call, Kazutora made his way over to your house to talk. 

"Look, I'm sorry about the other day. I just couldn't control myself." He would say, contemplating whether he should tell you the truth about his feelings towards you or not. 

"Tell me what's going through your head, tell me what's on your mind in general when it comes to me." You demanded. You needed answers, right then and there. 

He stumbled over his words before finally speaking up. 

"I have feelings for you, true feelings, and I can't stand it when other guys come on to you." He blurted out, seemingly embarrassed at his sudden statement.  

You looked at him in pure shock before saying, "That's all you had to do - confess." You smirked at him. He looked at you confused as you began to lean in closer to him, pecking him on the cheek. 

You continued as he stared at you in pure shock, "I like it when you stand up for me, however, I don't like it when it results in a fight." He nodded in response and looked down. 

"It's just... you, your body, everything... you're so attractive and I find you so beautiful in my eyes. I can't stand it when other guys even breathe in your direction." 

You smiled and went to hug him, feeling him wrap his arms around your waist. 

"For the record, I have feelings for you too, Tora." You smiled before leaning in to kiss him. He was hesitant at first, but he closed the gap between you two. You were happy - happy that you had finally gotten him to admit his feelings and happy that you two were now on the same page about being together. 

(A/N: I hope you like it, thank you for the compliments!:) All the love to you!!)

[the-casbah-way]

i never ever cry in front of anyone ever but there was this boy i was OBSESSED with in primary school when i was like seven years old because he was the fastest boy in the class and he had cool spiky hair and i always thought it was a crush until i came out and realised it was gender envy of some form and today my friend out of the blue told me that i look like him and we looked at his instagram together and i actually do. i look almost exactly like him. and i cried like an absolute wanker because i’ve been so miserable my whole life being perceived entirely the wrong way and i went home today and looked at myself and realised i look like the boy i always wanted to be when i was a kid. and whenever i feel bad about myself i get to remind myself that i look like him so i shouldn’t feel bad because back then i couldn’t have ever dreamed of getting to look like this. and t will only make it better and even though the idea of starting it is still so scary to me i keep having moments like this that make me realise how good it’s going to be even if some of it will suck. i always focus on all of the ways my transition has gone and will go wrong and i forget that it’s going to go right in a lot of ways too

[lilyoffandoms]

Choices Writer Appreciation Month

Based on this ask to @choicesmonthlychallenge.

The event will run August 1st-31st with a few extra days to catch up if needed.

Week 1 (Tuesday, August 1st through Monday, August 7th): Read and reblog, with a comment, at least one fic from your assigned secret writer.

Week 2 (Tuesday, August 8th through Monday, August 14th): Read and reblog, with a comment, at least one fic that another participant reblogged on week one.

Week 3 (Tuesday, August 15th through Monday, August 21st): Recommend at least one writer (any writer) and link to your favorite fic or fics from them.

Week 4 (Tuesday, August 22nd through Monday, August 28th, aka the best day): This week is optional, but highly encouraged by me hehe. Write a small fic/drabble/headcanons/etc. dedicated to your assigned writer from week one. Try and use their characters/pairings, or an AU with your pairings/characters and theirs.

How to participate:

Reblog this post stating your interest AND include the three or four fics you would have your secret match start with. You can also DM me stating your interest and 3-4 fic recs.

Deadline to participate is Saturday, July 29th. You will receive your match and their personal recommendations on Monday, July 31st at the latest.

You can read their recs or read any of their fics that interest you. Read and reblog, with a comment, any or all their recs or fics. It’s entirely up to you.

Please tag me in all reblogs and use #choiceswriterappreciation2023 so I can reblog and keep track.

Rules:

Be kind! This is meant to be a fun and supportive event.

If you cannot complete any of the first three weeks, please let me know asap. Life happens. Trust me, I really do get that. But don’t leave your match hanging. Tell me so I can find a replacement match.

Anyone that participates on week four will be entered to win a two character art commission for themself AND a two character art commission for their match.

Above all else, have fun discovering a new writer or maybe even an old favorite!

——————————

Tagging those that commented in the affirmative on the original ask: @kristinamae093 @karahalloway @choicesficwriterscreations @aallotarenunelma @tessa-liam @storyofmychoices

[ecoamerica]

Watch the 2024 American Climate Leadership Awards for High School Students now: https://youtu.be/5C-bb9PoRLc

The recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by student climate leaders! Join Aishah-Nyeta Brown & Jerome Foster II and be inspired by student climate leaders as we recognize the High School Student finalists. Watch now to find out which student received the $25,000 grand prize and top recognition!