#mad cat company

[madcatco]

[is-the-owl-video-cute]

you really admitted to feeding your pet Rachel Ray brand while discouraging people from using vet approved brands huh

Yes, anon. Because that is the food my veterinarian recommended for my dogs, you ninny.

this is what I feed my dogs, again, something discussed with my vet, who I would imagine knows more about pet nutrition than you do.

[gefiltefished]

good day today :)

took doggo to the pet shop for some enrichment and treat purchases, then went out for coffee and he was amazingly well behaved for us

wore him out with a new toy (one of those ball scoop n throw thingies) in the back garden which he loooooves

and his little sister is staying with us now so hopefully some doggy company will do him good, gonna take them for walks later 💖

[fungi-maestro]

Now that Sony has pulled this stupid stunt a ton of times and their public perception isn’t as good, I think it’s finally time that we talk about how every few years they’ll make a dogshit production choice for publicity reasons.

When it was Cats 2019 people just kind of laughed it off (or as cats fans know. cried it off.) but in the years since then its been like. The Sonic trailers and stuff. If you have an example of this please feel free to add on. But I think we should all be unsurprised that mediocrity or awfulness is used as marketing in the current era. That’s why Marvel feels so comfortable releasing awful unfinished tv shows and movies (among many other reasons). If someone posts about the terrible CGI and writing in She-Hulk or whatever, that’s free publicity! For every 5 people that laugh it off, there will be 4-5 that go and watch it on their streaming service just to see if its as bad as they were told.

Speaking as someone who saw Cats 2019 for the first time specifically because I was told it was awful and ended up becoming weirdly fixated on it, this kind of marketing works. Just be aware. Don’t hatewatch stuff. That’s literally what the companies want you to do.

[honeydrop-sweetheart]

Hey folks I am not great at sports; can you please help me identify what sort of ball this is????

[willinglyghoulified]

Haven't been able to post or write a lot in a bit, so enjoy a picture of my 14-year-old cat hatefully watching me eat a burrito.

[flatstarcarcosa]

it's not JUST the stabbing, it's also that Old Dude is an ornery fuck that continually chases people off but meets his match with felix being just as fucking ornery.

Old Dude stops trying to Out Petty and Out Nasty felix because they're too evenly matched.

he also has like, no kids or family and there's a property development company that's been sniffing around the bar and the lot its on for a long time and the last act of enjoyment he gets out of the bar is when he finally tells the latest company rep that good news, he is gonna sell it, meet back next week to find out more info.

company man strolls in the next week and felix is like "yeah he fucking sold it to me for [shuffles papers] like 20 bucks, but 19 of that is because i offered to pay more if i'm contractually unable to sell pepsi products. so fuck off, it's mine now."

[ravenofsilver]

I love my partner I really do but tonight she’s driving me to fucking tears but if I say anything then I know I’m going to be the Bad Guy and I just.

Just wanna scream.

[grlfriends]

not gonna explain but damn being alive rn is like being in a sitcom but every episode is the most depressing episode ever

[aziraphale-is-a-cat]

Dr. Fenton, Lex Luthor's Evil Assistant

Danny was looking for work on the East Coast, and because he's not fucking crazy, he centered his search on Not Gotham. Excluding that, most of the good job opportunities were in Metropolis under the nose of Superman. Danny wasn't mad that he had to be in Superman's city, in fact he was quite happy he didn't have to take charge when his residence was threatened, he just didn't like the fact that he was living under the perview of a government super.

So when he heard back from his application as a personal assistant at Lexcorp, the company headed by the one man Superman hated more than evil, he took it with glee.

~~

When Lex Luthor saw the name Fenton cross his desk he had to stop and do a double take.

The Fenton patents were revolutionary, the technology they represented was game changing, but the rights to it was held in a deathgrip by their son, who, after their deaths, had refused any offers and redacted most information on the subject. To have Dr. Fenton in his building under his employ would be the perfect opportunity to get his hands on the patents that could change the world as they knew it.

~~

Superman landing dramatically on Luthor's balcony: Lex, this is-

Danny, rolling by in an swivel chair: do you have an appointment?

Superman: this isn't a business meeting, I'm here to-

Danny: sorry Mr. Luthor doesn't take walk-ins.

~~

Luthor: Dr. Fenton, have you given any thought to selling the rights to your parents' patents? That kind of technology could change the world.

Danny: I know. I don't think you know.

Luthor, eyes dilating like a cat seeing a bird: How are you so certain?

Danny: NDA's.

~~

Red Robin sneaking into the LexCorp building at midnight: ...

Danny, raking in that sweet overtime:...

Danny: Do you have a warrant?

Red Robin: ... Yes?

Danny, shrugging and walking away: okay.

~~

Luthor, in a video call with The Light: That door was Locked

Danny, with a printed schedule: and this hour was reserved for a different meeting.

Creepy Blank White Screen: has there been an interruption?

Danny: yes, this meeting has gone past it's allowed time.

Creepy Blank White Screen: Mere schedules are of no consequ-

Danny, exiting the Zoom call: blah blah blah

[not-the-cheese]

one sentence summaries of every TMA episode

(1-60 i'll add more soon)

part 2 up!

world's most effective anti-smoking PSA

man DOES NOT open coffin. everyone claps.

woman is judgemental towards neighbor even though she has hobbies that are just as weird.

book makes multiple people fall off chair.

man finds bag of teeth and decides he absolutely needs to fuck around and find out.

worm sti.

there was a SCARY MAN in the WAR.

fuck this tree

well at least ted bundy was a great father :)

i'm like 55% sure vampires are real and i'm willing to take those odds

bitches be dying. you're next.

we kill this man because he made the soda too warm.

sorry ur husband's dead. maybe get some help.

Unbox with me ! (GONE WRONG)

hah i'm safe from this one because i have decided to Never Go Into a Cave Ever.

man is so annoying about this spider that even his cat can't be bothered

man's bully finds a book about a Bone Turner and subsequently begins turning people's bones.

this guy sucks at DIY home improvement

aw maybe this priest didn't do anything THAT bad!

oh fuck nevermind

THE SKY ATE MY SON.

the worms stole my identity. i haven't left the house in days.

man beats german children at game of bravery and wins a coin (he later loses this coin)

my ex boyfriend gets casted in the muppets and dies

sorry mom, i've abandoned jesus for a new religion : jesus in the dark.

tall squiggly and HANDsome

old man arm wrestles demon through door knob

the buzzfeed unsolved guys finally catch a ghost but it's their sound tech

immortality but at what cost

working at the big meat factory was so traumatizing it made me vegetarian

i go to america and get almost killed by a furry

well if you love that wasp nest so much why don't you MARRY it (and then she did)

antisocial boat crew bands together to exclude one guy from a midnight party. he dies from the rejection.

bone apple teeth

remember when that norwegian guy threw a tantrum about us not digging a hole? turns out we were right to not dig that hole.

babe come over my parents have taken ill and passed away

man fucks around and it costs him everything

HOMOPHOBIC CHINESE VASE

oh god oh fuck the worms are here

thank you for participating in worms! please rate your wormsperience from 1 to 10.

the wormsperience has left me deeply scarred. i'm going to get lost in a tunnel about it.

🎸music makes me loose control🎸

spooky stories to tell at the next police slumber party

child threatens to run away and join the circus one too many times, and now the circus has come to cash in.

these mosquitoes are mad sus

man frequents local barnes and noble and then dies(?) after liking a book too much.

realtor gets eaten by the backrooms twice. it's a terrible shame.

both me and this weird goth dude have an unsatisfying italy vacation

guy who turns people's bones gets a new job where he continues to turn people's bones.

man who should never be allowed to build prisons builds a prison.

Something Big Is In The Water.

what if u heard me about 15 feet behind you fumbling around and calling out ur name 😳 (and we were both prison guards)

i'm going to be honest i didn't retain anything from this episode except that this guy has the silliest old man voice ever

everybody hates the tax man, including these creepy taxidermy animals

hmmgh. ant house.

so turns out being only 55% sure that vampires are real in my career as a vampire hunter has had some consequences.

the only thing keeping you company in space is your abandonment issues

🎶 the snack that smiles back 🎶 (my husband!)

maybe the real treasure was the house siblings we encased in spider web along the way.

your dead brother wrote books about ancient myths and WHAT

Part 2

[blue-jisungs]

soft-hearted jealousy

#author's note ... i love wonwoo so fucking much did i ever guys tell u that. anywho this one is for zanzan bc i got inspired when we watched the kode ep <//3 and big big biiiig shout out to my beloved @l3visbby for proofreading <3 love u mother

#summary ... you're a little jealous of wonwoo n kerias frienship<//3

#word count ... 986

pssst the fic is referencing this cute vid:( wonwoo looked so good in it btw like what the actual fuck. also keria is my height and i fainted when i saw them hug bye

the door opened with a soft click and then all you could hear was soft patting of wonwoo’s footsteps against the wooden floor. 

sighing, you switched youtube to instagram and tried to act unbothered. but how could you? a reel of a new video featuring your fiancé popped out. a video you have just watched and it made you… a little jealous. 

“bedroom?” wonwoo called, trying to locate you. 

“yea” you hummed back, loudly enough for him to hear you. scrolling down, you noticed another reel. 

the love of your life with a cute, gamer boy. 

puffing your cheeks, you decided to exit instagram as well and check if you had any mails or texts. 

wonwoo entered the room, a small crease between his brows. 

“is everything alright, darling?” he asked, voice smooth as honey. which pissed you off even more. how dares he sound so attractive when you’re mad at him? 

“yes” you grunted a little too sulkily, drawing his attention. 

“oh really? because you didn’t run up to me once i entered the house” wonwoo teased and walked up to the bed, stretching his arms. you lost the battle with yourself and watched him, biting the inside of your cheek. how could one look so good in a plain white t-shirt and jeans? 

“yeah, im fine. how was your day?” you sighed and looked away once you saw he noticed your gaze. with a small smirk, he laid down next to you. the mattress dipped under his weight but that restored the balance – it somehow felt empty when he wasn’t there before. 

“it was good. me and mingyu did a live… i talked to my new friend… we might play a bit today” he answered, eyes tracing your face “oh, the video is out! did you see it?”

you hated how excited he was. and how much you liked it. keria is… 

“cute. i liked it” you mumbled and turned his back to him, fighting a smile. this is ridiculous. 

but it’s just not fair that wonwoo looked so handsome in that video and threw some flirty comments. he was so cocky in it too… 

“cute? yeah, keria is so adorable” wonwoo chuckled and you looked at him through your arm, shooting him a glare “what? what is it?” 

“nothing” you grunted. wonwoo’s lips broke into a grin, finally figuring you out. 

“something is clearly wrong. come on, talk to me” he purred, his hand sneaking its way under your t-shirt. 

“you looked good in the vid” grunting, you tried to surpass a smile. the warmth of his skin on yours sent shivers down your spine but your tried to remain calm. and not fold. 

“really? thank you, darling. keria said he liked my jacket” your fiancé hummed and leaned a bit closer, fingers tapping gently against your ribs. 

you couldn’t control the huff that left your lips. 

“we got along really well, i like his company. he’s so sweet” wonwoo continued to tease you and apparently that did the trick. 

“if he’s so sweet why don’t you date him, hm?” murmuring, you tried to hide your face in the pillow. wonwoo’s fingers ghosting over your skin in a circular motion made you melt, making it impossible not to crack.

“oh?” 

“forget it. go play your stupid games” you scoffed and wanted to move further away from him but wonwoo was quicker. he pulled you closer, calloused hands resting on your hips. 

“are you, perhaps… and i might be wrong here… jealous?” wonwoo’s cat-like adorned his features and you turned around, finally facing him. ebony eyes looking at you with amusement but also love, so much love, in them.

“yes, you’re wrong” you finally broke and cracked a smile, poking his buff chest. wonwoo tenderly grabbed your hand, placing it flat against his chest. his heartbeat softly drummed beneath your palm, making heat rise to your cheeks.

“come on, you know i would never…” he started and you shook your head. 

“it’s stupid and not that serious” you whined, covering your face with your other hand “it’s not the way you were… so flirty… and charming…”

“oh, pretty” wonwoo laughed wholeheartedly, the warm sound of his laughter bouncing off the walls of your shared bedroom. 

you leaned closer and hid your face in his chest, the smell of cologne filling your nostrils. his tender hands moved to the back of your neck, massaging it gently. 

“i made my angel jealous… by talking to my friend?” wonwoo sighed dramatically and you could hear the smile blooming on his lips. 

“it wasn’t just talking! you were so flirty…” your voice was a bit muffled by the material of his t-shirt “or i just… don’t know. you were really something that day, you know? so what if i’m a little jealous, i just don’t want to share you with the world… that much” 

wonwoo’s heart skipped a beat and he observed how you raised your head up. eyes meeting his, cheeks dusted with pink. you were so cute like that… cuter than keria. 

“can i make it up to you?” he hummed, hands trailing to cup your face. 

“a kiss. and no flirting with others, even if it’s a cute guy” you pouted and wonwoo leaned, capturing your soft lips in a sweet kiss. 

before you had a chance to deepen the kiss, he leaned away with a small frown. 

“but you do admit he’s cute, right?” your fiancé asked and you smacked his chest lightly.

“i wish we could adopt him” you laughed, and a grin formed on wonwoo’s face. 

“i’m afraid he’s a little too old for that…'' hiding his face in your hair, you decided to wrap your arms around his waist. 

“he’s 21… still a baby…” you huffed and shortly after, the sound of your laughs mixed in harmony. you guessed you might forgive him, it wasn’t really serious in the first place. 

masterlist <3

taglist. @mirxzii ,, @primoppang ,, @l3visbby ,, @nicholasluvbot ,, @planetkiimchi ,, @weird-bookworm ,, @slytherinshua ,, @kazmura ,, @laylasbunbunny ,, @mon2sunjinsuver,, @eternalgyu ,, @rubywonu ,, @haecien ,,@mine-gyu ,, @nonononranghaee

[youneedsomeprompts]

~ BLACK CAT X GOLDEN RETRIEVER ENERGY ~ OTP PROMPTS

requested by: @moondrop-gummies request: Can you do grumpy sunshine where she’s the grumpy but doesn’t believe she can be loved and he’s the sunshine who treats her like she’s the best thing in his life and they’re roommates? Thank you in advance! 🎀

Feel free to use and reblog!

Part 1: ~ GRUMPY X SUNSHINE ~ PROMPTS

grumpy being unable to accept anything kind that sunshine tries to do for them

sunshine just admiring anything grumpy does

sunshine staying at home despite being invited elsewhere just to spend more time with grumpy

sunshine doing the things around the house that grumpy dreads doing

grumpy being snarky about the nice things sunshine does but they both know grumpy is actually enjoying them

sunshine having endless patience with grumpy because they know/hope that they'll come around eventually

sunshine making sure to tell grumpy that they deserve the world

grumpy warming up to sunshine and being in a bright mood in sunshine's company

grumpy being patient with sunshine and listening to their long, colourful stories but that's the least they can do when sunshine does everything for them

grumpy's love language is telling sunshine that they deserve more (than grumpy could ever give them)

sunshine's love language is showering grumpy with affection until grumpy snaps

grumpy trying to push sunshine away to guard themselves from developing serious feelings

grumpy hyping sunshine up when they find out that sunshine has a crush, not knowing that it's them

^ and immediately changing course when they find out (because sunshine shouldn't throw their love away on someone as undeserving as grumpy)

sunshine not paying any mind to grumpy's self-depricating rants and just keeping up their high level of affection and warmth

grumpy being able to let their guard down and accept the love because of sunshine's unconditional and unwavering support

grumpy 'you're an idiot to choose me' & sunshine 'I would be that idiot in any universe and you love it'

grumpy being seriously worried about sunshine having developed feelings for grumpy ("you can't be sane. you should see a doctor.")

grumpy being the biggest sunshine stan but they adore them too much to be willing to expose them to the madness that means grumpy

sunshine doing everything with grumpy that want but nothing more and nothing less because they know how important it is to respect grumpy's boundaries

[dcxdpdabbles]

Cave boy Danny starts talking about one of the debates Tucker and Sam without mentioning their names when asked who the two are,Danny panics again and says that Sam is Selina since that's not that big of a jump when he starts saying her name

"One of my best friends would agree with you." Brucie suddenly speaks up one night at Dinner when Damian rants about his school not offering enough Vegetarian options. "She is an ultra-recyclo-vegetarian."

Bruce blinks having never heard the term before. A quick glance around the table tells him that neither have the others. Must be slang from his universe then. "What does that mean?"

"She doesn't eat anything with a face," Brucie explains. The curve of his lips has the tiniest amount of bestowed fondness that could only come from infatuation. Oh, Brucie is sweet on the girl. Bruce feels mildly alarmed as all his kids and Alfred sits up in interest when spotting it.

Unaware of what he just unwillingly gave away Brucie continues "Not to be confused with being a vegan because she will eat bread and cheese, but not often. She gets real mad when people mislabel her."

Dick grins, leaning over his forgotten dinner to pin Brucie under an eager stare. "I bet. Mislabeling is the worst."

"It is!" Brucie agrees, seemingly satisfied that someone else feels the same. "Especially when getting her to like you is like trying to get a cat's approval. But it's totes worth it when you do. No one has your back better than her."

A....cat's loyalty? Oh no. Surely it couldn't be-?

"What's your best friend's name?" Steph speaks up asking what's on everyone's mind. They all lean in a little closer as Brucie mindlessly gathers some rice on his fork.

"Her name is Sa-" Brucie takes a bite of his rice before swallowing. It takes everything in him not to quote Alfred and scold him for speaking with his mouth full. How Brucie grew up with such manners, Bruce would never know. "Selina! Her name is Selina."

Oh.

It seemed even in another world Bruce's heart would fall into Selina Kyle's hands.

His kids all but burst into cheers. Even Jason, and that was very hard to accomplish in the last few years.

"I knew it! I knew it!"

"Of course, it's Selina! Who else could it have been?"

"I suppose Kyle is not too horrid a partner for Father."

Duke and Cass high-five while Alfred seems to be glowing in parental pride as the other kids chat about his on-and-off girlfriend again. If a civilian version of himself still fell for her, Bruce could convince his Selina to quit the crime life and be his permanently.

Brucie stares a comprehensive eye around the table, so Bruce takes pity on him.

"I have a Selina as well. My kids....enjoy her company." He says, watching blue eyes swing at him as tiny black bangs fall slightly over them. It's adorable, and he finally understands why he had so many admirers. He bets civilian Brucie breaks just as many, if not more, hearts than he did at that age. "How long have you known Selina for?"

"Um...since she moved to my school when we were ten, so about four years, give or take?" Brucie shrugs, a slight blush overtaking his face. "She's great."

Oh, Bruce bet she is.

"Wait." Tim suddenly speaks up, eyes narrow in mistrust. Bruce had noticed before that the second youngest was suspicious of their dimensional visitor. He had been meaning to pull him aside to talk about it. "You said one of your best friends. Who is the other?"

"...Ethan. My other best friend is Ethan," Brucie says after a moment. He must mean Ethan Bennett. Bruce thinks wistfully of the old days when he would play basketball with his dear friend before he was lost in Clayface.

But why did Brucie pause on Ethan's name like that? It almost seemed like he was very carefully selecting that name or was trying to control his facial reaction to it.

A familiar blush bloomed over Brucie's checks and- oh. The boy had spoken about wishing he was from a world where bisexuality was more common, didn't he?

It would make sense. It's not like Ethan hadn't crossed his mind once or twice when Bruce was a teenager, either.

Tim's eyes narrow further. "I don't believe you."

"And I believe you can't stand the sight of your reflection because you're convinced no one will ever want it either." Brucie cheerfully chirps back before closing his eyes and sighing as if tired. He slumps in his chair, leaning his head against the headrest. "Sorry, that was mean. I'm trying to be less mean."

Bruce frowns at him, aware of Tim's eyes going glossy to his right but his son doesn't seem to want to step away. All conversation stops as they glare daggers at Brucie. Dick especially seems the most upset. "That was uncool Brucie"

"Yeah, sorry force of habit. My older sister and I-"

"Your what?" Bruce cuts him off, wondering if he heard right.

"My older sister?"

"You have a sister?"

"Yeah, don't you?"

"No," Bruce whispers. "No, I don't. I'm an only child."

"Oh. I'm the second youngest. I have an older sister, an older brother, and a younger sister." Brucie turns over to Tim to offer a sincere apology that the other gracious takes, but Bruce can't hear him over the sound of blood rushing between his ears.

"Mother and Father had more children?"

"Kind of." Brucie's face twists slightly in consideration. "Tommy and Harley are adopted. They are technically cousins since they were made by my uncle Vlad. Kate.....my older sister Kate, is my aunt Alicia's bio-kid but she was raised by my parents since she was one since Aunt Alicia wasn't...in the best mental state to care for her. No hard feelings are between them."

"Tommy, as in Tommy Elliot?!" Dick gasps, springing to his feet. "He is your adoptive older brother!?"

Brucie appears startled by his reaction, but he nods all the same. Bruce feels dread sink into his stomach.

"He's evil!" Dick shouts.

"I know." Brucie shrugs, uncaring. "Tommy has some issues, and he had them since he was...fourteen, but he's not dangerous.."

"Did you all miss that he said Harley is his younger sister? Harley as in Harleen Quinzel?" Jason cuts in, twisting to pin Brucie with a hard stare. "That's her real name, isn't it?"

"Well, her real name is Harleen Wayne, but she prefers Harley," Bruice says carefully. "Why? Do you know her?"

"She's evil too!" Dick gasps. "Brucie, you're in terrible danger with those two around!"

"Nah, Kate will stop them." Brucie waves his hand. "Sides Tommy and Harley are always traveling. Neither are home much these days."

Bruce feels a headache growing behind his eyes as Dick desperately tries to explain what happens to Brucie's adoptive siblings in their world. At the same time, his counterpart argues on his sibling's behalf.

(No one knows about the electric candles disappearing from the dinner table as the house descends into madness, trying to make the dimension travel realize his danger. Even fewer are aware of Danny's silent apology to Sam, Tucker, Jazz, Dan, or Dani for butchering their names and somehow still connecting them to someone in this world.)

Master Post Link

[koolades-world]

Helloo !

I just wanted to know how you think the brothers (or any other character you want to do!) would react to an MC that shows affection or just generally behaves like a cat on the norm? [Specifically Satan]

Like, headbutting their arm or something (gently) to get attention, having an overwhelming urge to push things off of tables when their placed on the edge, slow blinking to say 'I love you', managing to get into random places and somehow squeezing into crevices, often found napping in the most inconvenient spots, etc?

-E. (*^^*)♡

hi!! omg I love this request. I love cats sm

sorry I took so long to get to this, E! hope you enjoy

Mc with cat-like tendencies

Lucifer

thinks it cute but won't ever admit that

often finds you napping at strange times in his office since it's so quiet and cold

keeps lots of fluffy blankets around the house for you (and Belphie by proxy)

a little annoyed at your tendency to steal small objects or push things off his desk but it just taught him to keep decoys

Mammon

overwhelmed by your cuddliness at such strange, specific times and prickliness at others

finds himself buying lots of little things he knows you're going to like

one time he found you asleep underneath his bed when he couldn't find you anywhere

when asked, you told him nobody would ever check under there since his room was notoriously messy, which embarrassed him and made him a little cleaner

Levi

surprised by your love for napping in his bathtub

he loves how you're often up with him during his gaming sessions late at night and totally understands passing out randomly and for short periods of time

also gets being startled by sudden movement or loud noises

all and all gets along with you very well

Satan

over the moon once he notices all these tendencies

understands the slow blinks and can barely contain his excitement

keep that info from his brothers so he can share those special moments with you

introduces you to his favorite, quiet spots that are secluded in hopes of being able to enjoy some precious moments with you

Asmo

he's just relived that you don't also shed like a cat, he loves Satan but he can't stand having cat fur on everything

can't be mad that you ruin his organization and enjoys your company when he's playing dress up or getting ready

always finds you hanging out or sleeping in strange places in his closet

adores how loving you are and how you come to him for the affection, since coming after you doesn't really work too well

Beel

a little confused by your actions but gets used to your quirks quickly

grows used to the arm headbutting and draws comfort from it

finds himself growing rather protective of you when you nap somewhere public

if you happen to fall asleep on him, he's the least likely to move you and will stay exactly where and how he is so he doesn't wake you

Belphie

ultimate nap buddies!!!

falling asleep on each other is like a job at this point since you both do it so often

with each others help, you both find even more weird places to sleep

your favorite spot together is the roof, but if you're not there, he knows just to check the top of the high bookshelves in the library for you

[turtleybeachin]

Sometimes I think about how the other sorcerers must get BIG MAD at MC because they're the first and only human to have a pact with all seven sins, all seven lords of hell.

They should be wealthy beyond understanding, have limitless power, be everything good boys and girls fear about deals with the devil.

And instead they only call upon the pacts for like, stupid shit.

"I heard they summoned Lucifer yesterday???" "Yeah, don't get excited. They didn't want to have to call the cable company to cancel service so they asked him to do it for them."

"Yo, the new kid used their pact to call Satan here! Who died? I didn't see any wild death tolls on the news--" "I saw on Instagram they went to Barnes & Noble and then a shelter to pet cats."

"Did you see they had Beelzebub here last night? And he looked pissed." "I have a friend who works at Olive Garden. Apparently he found the limit to the unlimited salad and breadsticks."

"Was I seeing things or was Asmodeus in town? With Solomon, I assume?" "Nah, with his apprentice." "Oh, were they trying to seduce their way--" "They were trying out those new nail polish robots at Target."

"Ugh, did they summon Mammon? Why??" "Apparently they couldn't reach some of the spell components on a top shelf and didn't want to go get the step stool."

"The new kid is outside with Leviathan, and they're standing real close talking animatedly. You don't think he's scouting ahead for the Navy, do you?" "Nope, walked by them earlier. They're playing Pokemon Go."

"I'm pretty sure that's Belphegor in the lounge near the fireplace." "Yep. Apparently the new kid likes to shove their bare feet under him while he naps, says he's 'the perfect temperature'."