#my self worth has been not great for the last 2 years

[clownpassing]

sorry i do so much nickposting i am just not sure where else to put my thoughts and feelings. anyways yeah last post was a little about him like mostly i just wish he stated his intentions more clearly like does he actually want to hang out with me or does he just feel bad for me and did those kisses mean anything would he do it again? could we please do it again?

[bunni-v1]

Heyyaaa

May I request dorm leaders finding out you’re a girl please? If it’s too much u can make a part 2

Dorm Leaders Find Out You're a Girl?!?!?! (NOT CLICKBAIT!!!)

TW: Mentions of transphobia (nothing awful, just literally dropping the word lol); Idia is creepy

Info: Riddle, Leona, Azul, Kalim, Vil, Idia, Malleus x Reader (Platonic or Romantic); Fluff, Comedy(?)

🍓This one is gonna be long, like 5.3k words long. I love writing the dorm leaders so damn much <3 Besides, there’s been a long wait for this one, so I hope I make it worth it! You might see some favoritism shine through, but I did my best to keep it even. Hope you all enjoy!

Tags: @kierancaz @danchann33 @arashrita @the-ace-reader @akiyamasmizuki @kitsun369 @bloomstruck (I think I got all of you)

First Years

Ortho Sebek

Second Years

Third Years

-Okay so, I know we’re all wondering, how the hell do you get away with hiding your gender for so damn long?

-Firstly, those ceremonial robes do great at hiding the figure. The only tell would maybe be your hair, but feminine men aren’t unwelcome at Nightraven College, so you mostly get a few questioning stares and that’s it.

-Secondly, Crowley wants to save his own fucking ass. He already has to hide from the press that he has a MAGICLESS student from ANOTHER DIMENSION here, he doesn’t need the fact that you are a woman ALSO on his plate. So, obviously, he helps you hide your gender from others.

-Grim knows, of course, and he keeps his mouth shut for a few yummy cans of tuna (and threats of being expelled from Crowley <3)

-Even when you were just a janitor, he couldn’t have the rumor that he put a “helpless” young woman to work. (Like it wouldn’t be expected.)

-So how do you two do it?

-Baggy ass uniform. Crowley gave you at least three sizes too big.

-Your figure is completely hidden. Sure, you look completely homeless, but at least you’re hidden.

-For your voice, you simply deepen it. After some point, you blackmail Crowley into giving you a potion to help with it, since it's so taxing on your voice. (Or maybe your voice is naturally deep!)

-Sam provides you (for an unfairly pretty penny (not too different from your original world…)) any feminine hygiene products you might need.

-Honestly, you’re set for being cared for, but it’s the adjustment period that’s the hardest part. 

-Truly, it’s very jarring to suddenly be thrown into both a magical world and be isolated in a man's world with nowhere to hide.

-At least in your world you had other women who could understand your struggles. Here though? You’re completely alone.

-You notice how… messy some of these guys could be. How some of them smell… really rancid. -How rough they were with you and each other.

-Honestly, it’s kinda eye-opening. The way men show affection to each other is oddly refreshing to watch and experience!

-Ace and Deuce specifically are a good… trial run.

-That’s not what we’re here to talk about though…

-For the most part, it's incredibly easy to hide yourself for the first while on campus. Everyone on campus is so self-absorbed that they don’t bother questioning you.

-Your only real risk factor is Savannaclaw, but it's easy to avoid those guys (minus Jack, of course).

-However, you can only hide your gender for so long… It’s mentally draining to keep up this facade all the time around people you care about.

-So… how do they find out?

Riddle

-Riddle is the last student in Heartslabyul to find out.

-It’s not like he did anything to you for you to hold off on telling him (you know, other than the whole almost killing you that one time thing), it’s just that you don’t feel inclined to tell him. 

-Simple as that.

-He also really has no reason to question your gender. 

-Riddle didn’t have must interaction with people his own age until he came to night raven college, he doesn’t have the same social ideologies as other people do.

-Nightraven college is really his first touch with society outside of his mothers very watchful, conservative eye.

-So, excuse him for not picking up on stupid little gendered norms that the other students do.

-In his eyes, you dress like a man, you act (sort of) like the other male students, and you prefer he/him pronouns. 

-There’s nothing more to it then, right? If you identify as a man, he has no reason not to treat you as such - nor should he suspect you would hide your gender like that.

-Besides, this is an all boys school! Crowley wouldn’t allow you to attend here unless you were also a boy… right?

-He is aware there are exceptions — and you are already QUITE the exception, but surely Crowley wouldn’t be so cruel as to force a young woman to attend an all boys academy.

-Ah, sweet Riddle, ever in denial.

-He isn’t STUPID though. He notices how brotherly Trey is to you. He knows (and has heard) your many “secret sleepovers” with Cater.

-He ignores these things and doesn’t comment on them simply because, well, he likes you!

-He helps to tutor you sometimes, and he’s gotten to know you through that, and he really does come around on enjoying your presence.

-So, he ignores Trey and Cater’s odd behaviors for your sake.

-You keep him and his dorm members in high spirits, why would he want to shoo something like that away?

-He doesn’t really questionthings until he… overhears a conversation between Deuce and Ace. (A rather loud one, for how supposedly secret this topic was meant to be).

-One of them had gotten in trouble with a professor, and he was going to give them a stern scolding when he overheard what they were talking about.

-“Deuce, dude, you’re gonna want to sit down for this one.”

“What is it, I’m busy trying to finish my potionology homework.”

“Seriously this one is crazy, you’re not ready for for it.”

“Ace, if you’re just messing with me I’m going to leave.”

“Dude, the prefect is a girl.”

“…What?”

-Riddle did not bother the two after that. In fact, he just walked back to his room to sit and think about what he just overheard.

-It DID make sense. You didn’t quite fit in with everyone else for reasons outside of your otherworldly origin.

-You acted differently than the typical guy here at NRC, and you seemed to get along with the peers that were more ‘traditionally feminine’ best.

-It would explain Trey’s coddling and Cater’s secretiveness.

-Still, he didn’t want to assume. This was Ace and Deuce, and Ace could just be messing around with Deuce.

-So, at your next tutoring session, he broaches the subject as politely as possible.

-“So, prefect, I have… overheard something that I wanted to ask you about.”

“Oh no, am I in trouble because of Ace and Deuce again.”

“Not… technically… I did, however, overhear them talking about… you being a woman.”

“…I’m gonna kill them.”

“I could collar them for you, if that would help.”

-The confirmation was reassuring for Riddle in multiple ways. 

-1) Ace isn’t as terrible of a person as the thought he was.

-2) He wasn’t crazy in noticing the slight differences in you and your other peers.

-Now, you and Riddle aren’t exactly super close by any means, so your interactions with each other are limited to when you’re either being tutored or with friends in Heartslabyul.

-However, he is notably more nervous than he usually is.

-He doesn’t have some super secret crush on your all of the sudden, he just… never really had a chance to interact with women before.

-His mom kept him very sheltered from the opposite gender, so he has little to no experience with them.

-On top of that, because of his mother, he does have a slight fear of women. He’s afraid he’s going to upset you and you’ll blow a fuse on him or something.

-You have to assure him that you don’t bite and you won’t suddenly start screaming at him for no reason, and then he begins to relax a bit.

-Still, he’s very sweet and gentlemanly to you.

-If you need help with anyone around campus, you should come to him and he will have them dealt with accordingly.

Leona

-Leona “Respects Women” Kingscholar.

-Leona has SLIGHTLY worse smell than Ruggie, but he also knew immediately upon your arrival that you were a girl.

-In fact, he knew you weren’t a trans man, because they smell distinctly different from the typical woman.

-There aren’t many trans people in the Savannah though, so Ruggie not being able to pick up on that doesn’t really shock him.

-Leona, however, has smelled and seen plenty of trans people in his life time — you aren’t one of them.

-He won’t lie, he’s definitely interested in you. Women where he comes from are big and strong and proud, you’re just kind of plain.

-He keeps his ever curious eye on you though, because he’s interested in how you might navigate this whole thing.

-Now don’t get it twisted, he doesn’t care about you, he’s curious about you. 

-If you were to ask him for help on something, he wouldn’t offer it. (Not that you would, you seem particularly averse to him).

-However, if he were to see some creep trying to… well… creep on you, he’d chase them away without ever having you know he did.

-He was your secret bodyguard who wouldn’t admit it even if you held a knife to his throat.

-Still, he stayed out of your way and you stayed out of his. 

-A symbiotic relationship that you weren’t even aware existed… until you got in his way.

-Like Ruggie, when you start getting a little too involved in his ahem business, he gets pretty damn annoyed.

-You’re not exactly a threat to start, but you are a little trouble maker. If you find out what he’s up to, you’ll ruin his plans completely, and he can’t have that.

-However, he’s not exactly comfortable “taking care of you” like he is his male peers.

-He respects women, okay, you can’t blame him for not wanting to purposefully hurt you. (If his mom and brother found out, he’d never hear the damn end of it)

-He sends out Ruggie to scare you off, explicitly telling him he can’t hurt you on purpose.

-He knows Ruggie already has an idea of what’s going on, so he doesn’t have any qualms with telling him to be careful with you.

-Still, despite all this, he doesn’t really broach the topic until he’s forced to.

-He’s made it known to you, at this point, that he knows your secret. 

-He hasn’t caused you any extra trouble since his overblot, and he keeps his dorm members off your back, so you have no reason to interact with him… until, again, you get yourself into trouble.

-This time it’s YOU dragging him into your mess, despite him wanting nothing to do with it.

-You are convincing, though, so he gives and allows you to stay in his dorm room — rent free! Isn’t he so nice.

-Jack offers himself for protection if you need it, but you can see that Ruggie is quite bemused with the whole situation, so you decide to turn him down.

-Leona hasn’t tried anything yet, and he really could if he wanted to.

-You decide you can trust him. (You have to trust him).

-Then presents the issue of sharing a bed.

-Leona isn’t a weird pervert, okay. He isn’t absolutely leaping at the idea to be in bed with you — he’s so sorry.

-Honestly, it makes him a bit… uncomfortable.

-Sharing a bed is something you do with family or someone you’re involved with, not the weird magic-less kid who’s at least three years too young for you.

-So, Leona, ever the women’s rights activist, approaches you with a proposition.

-“Listen, I know you’re a woman and I know you know that. We’re not sharing a bed, there ain’t no way that’s happening.”

“Oh, so would you like the poor helpless homeless woman to sleep on the floor? How cruel can you be Leona.”

“Shut up, I’m not gonna do that to you. Listen, you can have the bed all to yourself and I’ll sleep on the couch, so long as you promise not to tell a single soul about this.”

“I promise.”

-You immediately tell Ruggie the next morning, and he is sure to make sure Leona never forgets it.

-Living with Leona for the short period of time that you do is very insightful!

-He’s actually pretty funny, much smarter than he lets on, and almost brotherly to you. Which does not fit the M.O. you built of him in your head.

-He’s gruff and pushy, but he does it out of genuineness.

-You end up getting really close to him because of it. 

-His quiet and laid-back demeanor are a break from the chaos of everyone else on campus, and he doesn’t make a big deal out of anything so you can just complain and he nods along unbothered.

-Only thing you notice that upsets him is when you bring up guys who bother you.

-Those guys tend to stop bothering you shortly after. How strange…

Azul

-Azul is hands down the last person on campus you want knowing about this.

-Riddle, Ruggie, Trey, Cater and pretty much everyone with half a brain tell you to stay as far away from him as possible.

-You see him in the halls sometimes, and he doesn’t look to bad. Unapproachable, sure, but he’s a rather pretty guy. Well put together and seemingly very smart from what you’ve been told.

-He helped to subdue Grim in the opening ceremony, so you know he’s magically capable. He’s also a house warden, so that goes unspoken, I suppose.

-He seems interested in you, from what you can tell. He always waves at you when he does see you in a sort of fake friendly kind of way. 

-You’ve seen him and his little (large, very large) goonies admiring ramshackle before.

-You’ve also politely asked them to not do that when you moved in, because it freaks you out a lot. To which they all gave you very eerie smiles and walked away.

-They remind you of a very small mafia, and you decided to heed your friends warnings because of that.

-You do so successfully for a long time too. Other than the few previously stated interactions, Azul seems un-inclined to bother you, and you don’t want to catch his leering eyes.

-Little do you know, Azul has a much more watchful eye on you that you initially thought.

-Sure, you don’t have much to offer him magic wise, but you have ramshackle. Oh, how he wants ramshackle.

-You are key to obtaining it, he just… has to find something on you first.

-You’re so painfully average. Perhaps a little more pretty in the face than his other peers, but you sacrifice that with the atrociousness of your uniform. 

-Truly, nothing about you is different.

-He almost gives up until Grim delivers him an opportunity in a pretty little bow.

-You agree to his contract out of the goodness of your heart, just like he knew you would. So sweet and kind are you, to practically hand him the deed to ramshackle on a silver platter.

-He notices, however, that Jade grows a very… sudden fascination with you.

-Sure, he told both Jade and Floyd to keep and eye on you and keep you in like, but for Jade to be so interested… very odd.

-Then, shortly after, Floyd’s own interest is piqued. Alright… less odd than Jade, but to have both of their eyes on you must mean he’s missing something. (I know I previously said that Floyd found out after Azul, but I was stupid and wrong and you should never listen to me when I’m talking about Floyd).

-He tries to get it out of them by any means, Asking, blackmailing, manipulation. He really does try, but their lips are sealed tight.

-It frustrates him to no end that they know something he doesn’t, and that he can’t figure out this very big secret.

-It stumps him for so long, because he’s looking in all the wrong places for the answer.

-Meanwhile, you know that Jade and Floyd know and you are TERRIFIED waiting for Azul to use this against you.

-The suspense starts killing you and making you anxious enough that its affecting sleep, so you decide to bite the bullet and arrange a meeting with him.

-Azul is honestly delighted, because he was just going to outright force the truth from you at this point.

-“I’m glad you set up this meeting, I’ve been meaning to talk to you.”

“I know… I’ve been pretty nervous about it since Jade and Floyd started pestering me.”

“Before I talk about what I want to, I’d like to hear what you have to say. I’m a good listener after all.”

“Too good, if you ask me. Uhm, anyway, so I know that Jade and Floyd to you that I’m a girl already, but I’m really hoping you would just leave me be. You owe me after all.”

“…You’re a girl?”

“Did they not tell you…?”

-what. What? WHAT?!?!?!

-How could he not tell, he feel so incredibly stupid. Its so obvious now that he thinks about it.

-No wonder Jade and Floyd wouldn’t stop teasing him about it.

-He agrees not to let the secret out — he DOES owe you his life, after all. This is a minor trade.

-However, he does not mentally recover from this revelation for a while.

-He doesn’t treat you very different, I suppose. He’s more gentlemanly with you, and is generally more friendly, but those things come from saving a persons life regardless.

-He is, surprisingly, willing to ensure your whole gender thing doesn’t get out so long as you work a few hours at the monster lounge.

-Probably the best at keeping it to himself and making sure it doesn’t get out. You wouldn’t expect any less with Azul, though.

Kalim

-You and Kalim don’t really have much of a chance to interact.

-He seems sweet enough, and you know he’s much kinder than the rest of the dorm leaders, but you don’t really have any reason to interact with him.

-Kalim also doesn’t think too much of you. 

-You caused a ruckus at the entrance ceremony, that’s for sure, but you kinda blend into the background.

-Besides he’s a party animal — constantly hosting these huge parties at his dorm just because he can.

-As someone trying to keep out of trouble and hide such a huge secret… yeah, parties aren’t exactly your forte.

-So, when you get roped in to coming to Scarabia over winter break, Kalim is pleasantly surprised!

-He’s always excited to make a new friend, and you’re pretty infamous around school, so he’s extra excited to get to know you.

-Kalim has no reason to question anything about you, like most other people would.

-However, he isn’t stupid. He has plenty of younger sisters, and he picks up on social queues better than you’d expect.

-He definitely suspects something is off, but he figures you would tell him if something was up. 

-You actually find him quite easy to be around. He’s someone who makes it easy to let your walls down and just relax with.

-Despite his sudden mood shifts, he always makes sure that you’re happy and healthy and doing the best you can be in your position.

-However, you run out of the magical potion that deepens your voice pretty quickly, and you have to go back to dramatically straining your voice.

-You sound sick, honestly, and it makes Kalim worry. 

-He figures that you’re forcing yourself to deepen your voice so you’re still perceived as a man.

-Instead of asking you directly, as Kalim does, he goes to Jamil.

-“Jamil…”

“What do you need, Kalim?”

“Don’t you think somethings… off with the prefect?”

“Off? What are you talking about, nothings off with them.”

“No, I mean… do you think they might be… a girl?”

“…Kalim, that’s very rude to say. You need to be more respectful.”

“…You’re right, I’m sorry. Could we get him something to soothe his voice though, it sounds rough.”

-Kalim is a lot more watchful of you after that. He just… knows something is wrong, but he doesn’t want to be rude.

-It’s actually you who comes to him when no one is around for help.

-“Kalim, uhm, I need your help.”

“Sure, what’s up?”

“So, I’m pretty sure you know, but I’m not a guy… I’m a girl, and I really need help hiding it. The longer I’ve been here, the harder it’s been on me.”

-Sweetheart he is, he promises to both help you and keep your secret to himself — and he does both surprisingly well!

-He offers his private bathroom to you so you can shower in peace. 

-It’s honestly the best bath you’ve ever had with all his sweet smelling oils. Your skin feels so smooth and renewed.

-Still, even with this, you still don’t feel safe with anyone else — plus the fact that Kalim has random and horrifying mood shifts. You have to flee.

-And yet you still get dragged into more trouble with the octatrio. You still get exposed to the whole dorm by a crazed Jamil, and now have to deal with the horror that they’ll tell everyone.

-Kalim feels awful, and thus shows his forgiveness in the best way he can: giving gifts.

-You get tons of apology gifts from him in the coming months. Baskets of the best shower stuff you’ve ever had; a new, better fitted but still innocuous uniform; enough tuna to keep grim satisfied for years (and sweets that you happily keep to yourself).

-It’s so nice, but you start to feel bad. It feels like you’re taking advantage of his guilt, when you’re not really upset at anyone involved anymore.

-You’re welcome at Scarabia any time. None of his dorm members will ever cause you any trouble, and you can dress and act and sound however you want within Scarabia’s walls. 

Vil

-Miss beauty queen himself. We love Vil, we Stan Vil, we adore Vil… 

-Oh my god he’s a pain in the ass though, especially for you.

-He sees through you in an instant.

-Truly, Vil finds you to be more of a little pest than anything.

-You are constantly in trouble, you are magic less, and you decided to needlessly hide your gender.

-The last one is the worst offense in his eyes.

-Vil is someone who does not value gender, but expression. Your gender does not matter as much as your expression, therefore you hiding your expression irks him.

-He’s understanding enough in the fact that he knows you might be doing this to protect yourself, but he finds it stupid and useless, because you’re easy to see through.

-He avoids you, and you avoid him. Simple as that.

-Unfortunately for Vil, you’ve caught Rook’s eye, which means he must sit through many hours of Rook rambling on about his “findings” about you.

-When you tried out for the VDC, he was simply going to turn you and Grim away, but Rook convinced him to give you a chance.

-Rook wanted him to help your reveal your “inner beauty”, though Vil wasn’t sure if you had any of that.

-You wore baggy, horrifically ugly clothing up until winter break. Your hair was constantly a mess. Your skin was poorly taken care of, and the bags under your eyes were as dark as night.

-It almost made him feel bad for you… so despite his better judgement, he decided to invest time in you.

-Vil makes it very clear that he knows what your whole secret is.

-“I am aware of the fact that you are a woman, however, I will continue to use your preferred pronouns since it seems to bring you comfort.”

-He’s very insistent that you allow him to do your skincare AND your makeup whenever you give him the chance.

-Especially when he moves into ramshackle temporarily, he’s very insistent on maintaining your skincare routine.

-He essentially makes your entire nightly routine himself, and is right there over your shoulder making sure you do it right.

-Despite how overbearing it is, you actually make good friends with him through this.

-Being stuck alone in a room with no one but him to talk to forces you two to talk.

-You get to learn why he cares so much about appearances, and he gets to know why you hide to protect yourself.

-“It’s just… easier to pretend, because guys will bother me less that way.”

“I can’t understand why they would bother you. You’ve done nothing to them, so why would they want to do anything to you.”

“That’s the thing, I don’t know either. I just know it’s scary, and I don’t want to deal with it.”

-You move him, honestly. You’re strong even though you’re scared, and that’s beautiful. Thats what true beauty is.

-He helps you embrace your inner self and express that, while still helping you to hide your gender in a way that feels safe.

-You are always welcome at Pomefiore, and you can come to either him or Rook if you have any issues at all.

-It’s like having a big sister, almost.

Idia

-Idia has eyes everywhere.

-Every inch of that campus is (illegally) being monitored by his watchful eyes. 

-When he’s bored in class, he flicks through the cameras to amuse himself — maybe he’ll see someone slip and fall on their ass. That would be funny.

-He’s not really interested in you in particular.

-In fact, he’d like to keep a very far distance between the two of you.

-You’re… intimidating. You’ve fought some of the most powerful mages on campus and won.

-Total final boss energy, not something Idia is interested in being around.

-What he IS interested in is that wittle kitty you’ve got following you around.

-When he’s bored in class, he goes searching for Grim, and where Grim is you are sure to be.

-So, despite his aversion to you, he ends up spending a lot of time watching you.

-He starts to notice… things about you.

-He notices that you seem to put on a tough guy persona around… well… other guys in your class.

-When it’s just you and Grim though? You’re the softest softie he’s ever seen.

-It’s top tier cringe watching you try to being all macho, so he much prefers your more quiet and relaxed self you show in private.

-Seriously though, you’re a TOTALLY DIFFERENT PERSON when you’re alone with certain people.

-EVEN YOUR VOICE CHANGES!!!

-It’s so uber creepy, it’s like a jumpscare every time you drop that fake deep voice.

-If he’s being real, you’ve got a pretty voice. Honestly, you’re really pretty period. Too pretty to be a guy honestly.

-…

-….

-…..HOLY SHIT!!!

-He has to check your medical files to be sure — which he obviously has access to, thanks to having access to everything Ortho has access to.

-Blah blah blah allergies, blah blah blah horrific injuries from overblots, blah blah blah- AH HAH!

-Next to gender you are listed as… transgender man.

-He doesn’t wanna be that weird transphobic incel, but from what he’s seen? He highly doubts that.

-From what he’s seen in his (invasive) watching, you’re definitely doing the troupe of hiding your gender to better fit in.

-He feels like he’s in an anime or something.

-He doesn’t really want to bother you about it — but from watching you, you seem like someone he’d really enjoy being around.

-Ortho also insists that he’d get along with you very well!

-…It’s worth a shot right.

-He tries several times to “bump” into you, which always ends in him skittering away in fear.

-He psyches himself out every time. “They wouldn’t even wanna hang out with a loser like me.” “They’re way too cool for someone as lame as me.” 

-It’s not until you invite yourself to one of tabletop club’s meetings that he’s forced to interact with you.

-He’s really banking on the fact that you’ll be too busy talking with Azul to notice him, but then Azul leaves and its just you and him.

-Him and you…

-Both of you… in total and complete silence.

-…yep… 

-“Uhm, Idia…?”

“yES!?”

“I came here cause I wanted to talk to you, sorry for being so underhanded about it, I just couldn’t get you alone without you running off.”

“AH— I mean, ahem, okay. My bad.”

-You totally cornered him like an evil villain.

-All because you wanted to… be his friend?

-Is he dreaming, going insane perhaps, did HE get isekaied into an alternate universe where he was likable???

-Nope, Ortho just talks him up a lot, and you think his hair is cool. Huh. Kinda lame compared to what he was thinking.

-You guys talk a LOT after that. You exchange numbers and you text him about all sorts of stuff — and he’s actually interested in it!

-You learn that he’s been watching you and Grim for a long time, and while you scold him.

-You think it’s pretty funny that he’s embarrassed about his love for cute things.

-“If you’ve been keeping your eye on me for so long, you must’ve figured out that I’m a girl, right?”

“Yeah, you’re not great at hiding it. That macho guy act is suuuuper lame, you look like a noob lol.”

“Hey! I’m just copying what Deuce told me to do!”

-You guys don’t really see each other face to face very often, but like I said you text a lot.

-Sometimes he’ll text you shit like ‘I saw that, saved it for blackmail.’ After you biffed your shit on the pavement or something.

-When Idia gets more comfortable, you two spend hours on call whenever you get the chance.

-He lends you some of his precious manga, and even gives you an older TV he had laying around so you can watch stuff at ramshackle.

-Sometimes he invites you over to play video games with him and Ortho, and he gets all cocky and proud when you gush about how cool all his tech is.

-And, yeah, Idia definitely forms a little crush on you — but he would do that regardless of your gender. 

-He just likes you a lot, and you can feel safe on campus knowing he’s watching over you when you need it. (Mostly watching Grim, tbh.)

Malleus

-We know that Malleus enjoys… creeping outside of Ramshackle.

-He spends quite a lot of time on your front lawn, therefore, he’s usually in proximity of you.

-However, he is very intimidating!

-As a young woman in a magical world that you are not from, a very tall man with horns is the exact opposite of what you want to be around.

-Besides, you’ve heard the rumors about him — how powerful he is, and how scary he is.

-Malleus, on the other hand, is admittedly curious about you.

-He finds humans in their own right incredibly interesting, but you are not just a regular human.

-You are a human who has no magic and is from another world entirely. 

-You are something he has never once seen in his whole life, so excuse his childish curiosity.

-Still, you’re sort of cleverly avoiding him at every chance you get, and he just can’t quite find the time to talk to you.

-Until one night, you come back rather late and you find him in your yard… again.

-You send Grim in by himself and decide to confront him by yourself, because you are tired of being afraid to fall asleep at night.

-“Hey, you, could you maybe not stare at my house in the middle of the night!”

-Oh. You are quite feisty, and very bold to approach Malleus Draconia with such an aggressive tone.

-“I’m unsure what you mean, I’m simply admiring the architecture.”

“I don’t care WHAT you’re doing, you’re freaking me out! I know you’re supposedly some big scary monster guy, but I need you to STOP being weird outside my house.”

“…My apologies…”

-Malleus is pleasantly surprised at your spunk — he’s never been spoken to like that, he’s excited by it.

-After you yell at him, you let him explain himself, and you realize he is just… really, really bad at socializing.

-He wasn’t watching you, he just really enjoys silence and ramshackle is the quietest place on campus — even with you living in it.

-So, you give him the benefit of the doubt, because he really does just seem like he’s lost on everything around him 90% of the time.

-You don’t hang out with him during the day, but if you happen to see him on your lawn (as he usually is), you go out and hang out with him for a while.

-It makes Malleus happy, because you treat him like a friend. You give him cute nicknames, and you invite him inside for snacks, and you go out of your way to say hello to him when you pass him in the halls.

-He also gets to know more about you, and his curiosities about you and your world get quelled.

-He doesn’t really question anything about you, especially not your gender.

-Gender is hardly important for fae, and you seem confident in your expression, so he has no reason to wonder. Besides, there are far more thrilling things about you than your sex.

-So, you and Malleus start to grow close. So close, in fact, that you can confidently say that he’s one of your closest friends.

-At this point, almost everyone who you want to know about your gender knows. Everyone but Malleus.

-Initially you kept it a secret because you didn’t know how good he was at not talking, but now…

-Now, well, you don’t really have a reason.

-People usually question you at this point, or at least seem suspicious, but Malleus?

-Malleus shows not a hint that he thinks something is up. It’s odd to you, isn’t he supposed to be super smart or something. Maybe he’s just too respectful.

-Regardless, you decided to talk to him about it the next time you see him staring at the gargoyles around campus.

-“Hey Tsunotaro, what’re you up to?”

“Just admiring these gargoyles here, aren’t they fascinating? They were the first few installed in the school, if my memory serves me correctly.”

“They are very cool, but could I ask you something not gargoyle related?”

“What is it, child of man?”

“You know that I’m, uhm, a girl right?”

“Oh. I did not know that, how interesting.”

-He doesn’t understand why you would hide that, but it doesn’t really perturb him that much.

-The most you got was an eyebrow raise, and then he was back to his gargoyles.

-You were pretty satisfied with that, so you figured he wouldn’t tell anyone… and then you hear him loudly talking about it with his friends in Diasomania.

-Sigh… he means well, but he just doesn’t get the social stuff.

-You’re not mad, because pretty much everyone knows at this point, but it still sucks that he’s such a loudmouth.

[martian-astro]

Solar return observations- Part 2

The year in which you have aquarius AC, you will focus more on yourself, if you've been hanging out with "friends" who don't make you feel happy, this is the year when you'll get the courage to leave them.

I have noticed that a lot of people in their last year of college have capricorn in 11th. This basically means that you prefer hanging out with people whose professional goals align with yours and who you think can help in advancing your career. (you may also feel very lonely)

Everyone knows that a stellium in 1st house indicates an increased self worth but I have seen that a 2nd house stellium also has the same effect. (we were going through some financial difficulties last year, and this year my mom has a 2nd house stellium and basically all our issues got resolved and she went to this meditation and yoga centre, she has been taking really good care of herself and she looks so happy 🥺, she's literally glowing)

I have Mars in 12th this year.... And God, it is so difficult to control your anger but with this you HAVE to suppress your anger. Even if you express your emotions, nobody's gonna listen to you. (it's like when you know that someone is a bad person but everybody else loves them so you have to pretend that you like them too)

If you are someone who keeps their feelings to themselves, the year when you have your moon in pisces can be a great year for you. You're gonna be a waterfall this year, and I don't think that it's a bad thing, sometimes, you just need to let it all out. (emotions occupy space in your body, so just cry and yell)

Last year, I had pluto in 2nd house and it was the year when I started earning money ALL ON MY OWN (and also the year when I realised that break up is not the most painful thing, it's the drdrdrdrdr sound that the atm makes when you take out money, THAT SHIT HURTS)

If you have neptune conjunct Venus in 7th in libra - that guy is not good, he's love bombing you, RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN

On the other hand, The year when you have moon in capricorn in 7th, is the year when you'll realise that it's much more important to be with a guy who takes care of you when you're sick and does household chores and is clean and hygienic instead of being with a guy who wants to fuck you 24/7 (btw, it's possible to be with a guy who's both, it's just very rare)

When I was preparing for this post, I noticed that a lot of people had their first kiss when their asteroid kiss was conjuncting Mars/Venus. I guess it makes sense, but I'm not really sure. (take it as you like) kiss asteroid number = 8267

The year that my sister started her master's she had a virgo AC with a 9th house chiron and.... This girl was so exhausted that she did not even have the time to talk to me, we literally talked on her birthday, the next year 🙂. That's how busy she was. My advice to you is to eat as healthy as you can, the probability of you getting sick is high so take care of yourself. (especially if you have pluto in 6th house)

(all pictures are taken from Pinterest)

© martian-astro All rights reserved, 2024

[furiousgoldfish]

I'm going to sit down and try to explain this with patience, to everyone who still thinks calling out narcissistic abuse is 'ableist' or 'dehumanizing to the narcissists', and that abuse is something we're all equally capable of.

I don't think you understand what narcissistic abuse is, or how it differs from the other kinds of abuse. We can agree that all and any abuse is damaging, traumatic and scarring, but narcissistic abuse is so extremely pervasive, hidden, strategic and unbelievable, to the point where I can't honestly tell it's something any regular human would be capable of. And even more than this, the survivors of this particular type of abuse have found it extremely, extremely difficult to figure out they've been abused, even when they've been put through extreme, devastating, and absolutely dehumanizing scenarios. Realizing that your loved one is a narcissist requires your entire world to break down, and every piece of your heart shatters in the realization, and it takes months, even years to accept it.

The only way we can possibly figure it out is to connect the patterns. And patterns of the narcissistic abuse are focused on erasing one's own sense of self, one's perspective and ultimately, complete control over someone's emotions and behaviours. This is often done from early on, the grooming process starts at age zero, your value, worth and usefulness is determined by them, and you cannot wrangle yourself free from it on your own, not without someone confirming to you that you've been held captive, that your free will has been taken a long time ago.

Unfortunately, I have to give some examples, because I don't think it can be explained otherwise. When I was 2 years old, a narcissistic person found it a nuisance to watch over me, and they beat me up every time I disobeyed. I was a toddler. Then they proceeded to convince me that I was a demon, and would burn in hell regardless of what I do for the rest of my life. I've been brainwashed by this person to believe I was not a human being, had no human rights, that it was correct and regular for me to be locked up, beaten, and that it was my fault every single time, even when I did all that was asked of me. This person then had me comfort them after they would beat me, because it was a stressful experience for them. I wasn't allowed to cry. I would be beaten for making a face expression they didn't like. It was random and unexplainable.

Another narcissistic person created a game where they would give me wrong instructions for a task, then torture me when I did exactly as they instructed me to. It got to a point where I would beg them to tell me what to do correctly, and they would respond with a laughing 'you should be old enough to know this' and they would be even happier to beat me up and scream at me for getting it wrong. This person not only threatened to kill me regularly, but often made me believe I was in my last few seconds of life, putting me in position where I believed I was about to die. They forced me to work for them in unsafe conditions, heavy physical jobs, where I was not allowed to say I'm tired, not allowed to cry, and even after I'd do everything, they would still tell me I didn't deserve to eat. I was a child. I didn't think for a second I was being abused. I was already brainwashed to believe that everyone else had it worse, and that I was lucky.

I had no identity besides existing for them, I had no free will except to try and make myself into something they could use, and if I didn't do a good enough job, I'd be ostracized. They loved beating me, screaming at me and making me cry, and then they'd leave me in a room crying without being allowed to make any noise, while they laughed in the room next to me, as a family, loudly so I could hear what a great time they were having. They would treat other children gently in front of me in order to try and make me jealous. They would revise every part of what they did to me if I ever tried to bring it up. I wasn't allowed my own perspective, opinion, or complaint. I wasn't even allowed to remember the abuse correctly. I would be locked in a room and questioned and punished if my opinions weren't to their liking.

I don't believe this is something anyone is capable of doing. I don't believe anyone of us is capable of torturing a kid until the kid begs to be killed. I don't believe most of us are capable of erasing a child's point of view, their reality, their humanity to the point where the child is forced to live a life where they will either comply or be killed, and they will be tortured no matter what. This isn't a regular thing that a person can easily do.

Luckily, us who have been through this, have noticed that there is a specific pattern to their behaviour. That they use almost identical phrases with which their invoke guilt, fear and hopelessness. That they can go frighteningly fast from rage to laughter to acting hurt. That they enforce their will over ours with a specific type of terror that triggers both our survival instincts and our compassion and shame. That we've been groomed by them in an almost identical way - to not believe that we're allowed our own feelings, memories, opinions, point of view, or freedom. That we have learned to exist only to be an extension of them.

We also all noticed that we're all absolutely, beyond terrified of them, and that we don't feel we're allowed to say it, or think it. That we're taught by terror to keep believing that they're good people, that they do none of it on purpose, not even the most extreme, insane, egregious abuse. That they will go to any length, even committing more atrocities, to escape accountability. That they use tactics of darvo, gaslighting, double-bind, planting insecurities, triangulating, future faking, discarding, love bombing, mirroring, smear campaigns, projection, scapegoating, silencing, throwing tantrums, victim playing, like it's in their second nature. That they're genuinely, absolutely terrifying and almost unreal in how far they're capable of going. And most of all, that they are dangerous, and capable of completely turning another human being into their puppet, and never think for a second that it might be wrong. To them, we are nothing more but toys to manipulate, control, and discard. We are disposable. There is no limit to what they can do to us, because to them, we are not alive. They would do to us what normal people wouldn't do to a corpse. And they feel superior for it.

People abused by narcissists from early age are likely to develop the most complex and extreme disorders, complex ptsd and dissociative identity disorder being some of them, because that's what it takes to survive being a child and existing next to a narcissist. This means that small children need to be shattered in pieces in order to please the narcissist. Others that are very common are eating disorders, anxiety, depression, paranoia, avoidant personality disorder, panic disorder, and compulsions to cater to everyone's needs, to the point of our own destruction. This is what they make of us, on purpose, in order for us to be of use to them. And they will forever insist it's their right.

When I'm saying the word 'narcissist', I am not referring to 'anyone diagnosed with npd', I am referring to a person who will do this to a child, and insist on doing it for the rest of the child's life. I am writing it because I don't want children to have to live like this forever. I am not aiming to dehumanize the narcissist, their actions show who they are, I am saying, be careful and aware that this person will dehumanize you. That you are disposable to them. That making you feel good in order for you to like them, is a game to them, and one they're very good at. That playing the victim at you and demanding justice, will easily manipulate you into standing against the victims of abuse and talking down to them for 'dehumanizing their abusers', and being 'ableist to the npd', after being tortured past the point of return by those people.

A lot of us are permanently damaged by what's been done to us. We are not asking for justice. We're not asking for revenge. We are asking to be safe. We're asking for this to stop. We're asking for children not to be left alone with people who are dangerous to this level. We're asking you to understand that a narcissist left alone with a child means a child in danger.

It's common to not be aware just how bad it can go, because we think that most humans know not to torture a child. We believe that nobody would do things to children that narcissists do. If you read the stories of the survivors, you'll find out what actually happens behind closed doors. The themes of torture, dehumanization, sexual abuse, brainwashing, violence, and extreme cruelty are common, even towards toddlers.

I need you to not attack those children when they grow up and say they no longer want to be around narcissists. I need you to understand that they know what they're talking about when they say it's not safe, that they want to be protected. The society already failed to protect them at their most vulnerable, and they had to make it alive by their wits alone. And now you won't even let them speak without attacking them? It's inexcusable.

If you want to know about the narcissists, read what their victims have gone through. Then make a judgment on whether we're allowed to speak, and whether it's worth warning others to hold caution. I've heard and read stories of narcissistic parents sex-trafficking their own child, holding them captive and locked up and convincing them it's right to do this, using brutal punishments to 'train' them into inhumane slave-like behaviour, keeping the children in state so terrified the children wished they were dead. And in all those cases, they still convinced the children to love their parents, and to never blame them for any kind of abuse. Yes, even in the sex-trafficking cases.

Fighting for those children to realize that they didn't deserve that, is the only correct thing to do. Fighting to help them realize they're in danger, and that they deserve safely, it's not only right but extremely necessary, it's what we all should be putting all of our energy into.

Wanting to keep others safe will never be wrong. Wanting to protect those who still have their identity, their sense of self, their undamaged humanity, their free will and their point of view, that's worth fighting for! And above all, those who already lost it all, need to be protected. We cannot allow for already badly wounded people to be dehumanized over and over again. Nobody deserves that.

[kirisslut]

—I Can Treat You So Much Better w/ Eijirou Kirishima

—Cw: bestfriend!kirishima, cheating, phone sex, facetime sex, masturbation, toxic!partner, UNEDITED

—Summary: your partnet is toxic and your best friend, Eiji, thinks you deserve a lot better

—Author's Note: I got out of a toxic relationship roughly 2 monthes ago and I’ve unintentionally made it a new personality trait and I think about it everyday and it came to my mind while thinking of smut ideas and someone please help me I don’t want to think about that- anyway enjoy me self projecting to the fucking extreme :)) Also I tried to make this gender netural but reader is afab and i wrote it with my ex in mind so if I accidentally called the ex a boyfriend at some point I apologize- ALSO I HAVENT WRITTEN IN FOREVER SO SORRY IF THE WRITING IS BAD

—Please keep in mind that you must be 15+ to read this piece, thank you <3

Eijirou hated this, he hated everything about it. Eijirou has had feelings for you for a couple years now, ever since middle school. He hasn’t had to see you with very many partners before, there were a couple of few month relationships with people that he didn’t particularly like but they treated you well so he wasn’t too bent out of shape over it. But this was by far his least favorite relationship of yours. You had been dating this person for about six months now and he hated everything about them. First off, he thought you were way too pretty to be with this person. In his eyes, they were a one and you were an eleven. Secondly, they treated you horribly. They said mean stuff to you, upset you, made everything about them, didn’t respect your consent, and so much more. And on top of that, they were horrible in bed. They made the most bold and most wrong movements and refused to educate theirself on your body and what you enjoyed. On top of that, there was never any aftercare whatsoever.

And it pissed Eijirou off. You were perfect to him, how come you gave this person a chance and not him and let them treat you horribly? Well one night, he had enough, Eijirou finally snapped. This was the fourth time that week that you’d texted him, saying some along the lines of “i was hanging out w/ p/n and they really upset me because…”. And that was the last straw for him, he was gonna remind you of your worth. 

Y/n: Eiji, they did it again. We were making out and it was kinda going further and they did something wrong and it hurt so I asked them to stop and they asked if I was just turned on too much-

Eiji: I’m sorry sweetheart, your partner sucks :( why don’t you facetime me?

Not even five seconds later a call was coming through and he answered it, smiling at the sight of your face.

“Hi, pretty, how’re you?” He asked, running a hand through his hair. You gave a small smile in return.

“Hi Eiji, not great.” You were laying in bed, one hand holding up your phone while you laid your head down on your arm, “I just wish they’d take the time to figure out what I like…y’know?”

“I know, love, I’m sorry they’re like that. You deserve a lot better than that, you’re gorgeous. Anyone who doesn’t wanna treat you right in bed is a total idiot.”

Your cheeks heated up a bit and you smiled at Eijirou, “Thanks, Eiji.” Eijirou was sitting up, his phone propped up on his desk, with a controller in his hands, you assumed he was playing a video game. He was wearing a tight gray shirt, it perfectly outlined his pecs and showed off how big his shoulders were. You started unintentionally staring, and who could blame you? Eijirou was hot. Even you, as his totally platonic, never gonna be anything more, best friend could see that. 

“Sweetheart? Are you even listening to me?” Eijirou asked, looking straight at you. Your cheeks heated up more and you looked away.

“Yeah, I’m sorry, I just spaced out,” you replied.

“What were you thinking about, sweetheart?”

Your next reply took a moment, you were scared to say it. This was wrong, everything about this was wrong. You were facetiming your best friend who calls you every pet name under the sun, to complain about your boyfriend, and on top of that you were thinking about how hot he was. But you were desperate.

“..you.”

Eijirou paused, making eye contact with you, “What about me, pretty?”

“...I was looking at your chest…and thinking about how you’d treat me so much better than p/n.”

The smirk that spread across his face killed you. You might as well go get a new name and move to a completely new country at this point, because you were so embarrassed. 

“Oh, you know I would, sweetheart. I bet you don’t even think about them when you two are getting into it, bet you just thinking about me, huh?” And he wasn’t exactly wrong. Sometimes you found your mind drifting to Eijirou when you were getting intimate with p/n. You didn’t mean to, it just sort of happened.

You nodded, “You’re just so pretty, Eiji, and p/n can’t make me cum…bet you could. You have pretty hands..and I’ve seen the way your fingers move on your controller.” You started subtly rubbing your thighs together, trying to relieve the feeling forming between your legs.

“I definitely could, pretty. I’d eat you out so good if I could, bet you taste amazing,” Eijirou says, setting down his controller and turning his full attention to you, “Why don’t you take off your shirt, sweetheart? I wanna see what I would have to work with.”

This, you hesitated on, more so than the other stuff. Talking was just one thing, but to show Eijirou your body would be straight up cheating, absolutely no excuses.

“Well, I don’t know..I don’t wanna cheat on p/n.., I’m just upset at him right now.”

“Come on, sweetheart, when does he ever care about your feelings? You deserve so much better than that. Just this one time, honey, I wanna show you what you could have. And I wanna see what that loser is failing to make feel good. They’re so stupid, I bet you’re super sensitive, I could make you feel so good.”

Eijirou’s sweet sweet words got to your head and soon enough you were propping your phone up, sitting on your knees, legs spread a little with nothing but an oversized shirt and short shorts on. The shorts hugged your thighs and pussy. Eijirou could see the outline and you swear he whispered “fuck” at a couple points. Slowly, you took your shirt off and Eijirou’s eyes widened. No bra.

It made sense, you were home and nobody wants to wear a bra when relaxing in their own home, but he was just a little startled. He didn’t mind though, of course. A hand drifted down to his sweatpants, palming his half-hard cock through the fabric.

“Look at you, sweetheart, you’re absolutely gorgeous. Those are the best tits I’ve ever seen, you wanna show me some more? I bet your pussy is just as pretty.”

“Mm, can I see you first, Ei? Please? Just wanna see your abs please,” you beg and Eijirou smirks a little, taking off his shirt. He was so perfect, perfectly tanned skin that was so smooth, and his muscles were gorgeous. You bit your lip, looking at his perfect body.

“Now take off your shorts, sweetheart, I wanna see,” Eijirou said, and you happily obliged. You slipped your shorts and panties off, spreading your legs a little more, “Fuck, pretty, you’re soaked. Do you have any toys there with you? I bet you’re one of those little whores who needs to play with their pussy every night before they go to sleep.”

Your cheeks heat up, “Y-yeah, I have toys…do you want me to use some..?”

“Yes, pretty, it’s no replacement for my cock or my tongue, but it’ll have to do. After all, we’re just testing this out, right? No cheating.”

You nod, “Mhm, not cheating. Just testing it out.”

“Good girl.” You reach into your bedside drawer and pull out a little box, showing Eijirou the contents on the call.

“What should I use, Ei?”

“How about you use that wand vibrator and that pink dildo? I think that’d look cute stuffed in your pussy,” Eijirou says, returning to palming himself. He was so hard for you, you were just too hot. You removed the toys from the box, putting it back and resuming your original position.

Suddenly, you were shy, you’d never done this over the phone before. You took a moment, and Eijirou didn’t rush you and eventually you mumbled, “Can I see your cock first?”

Eijirou smiled, “Of course you can, sweetheart.” He pulled his sweatpants and underwear down a little and then you saw it, your eyes widening a bit. Eijirou was huge, atleast seven inches. It was so pretty, p/n was nowhere near that size, nor was it as pretty or well kept as Eijirou’s. Eijirou ran a hand up his length, watching you, “This is all for you, sweetheart, you’re so pretty. It gets me all hard.”

“..you’re hot too, gets me all wet..”

“How about you get something in that pussy then, sweetheart? Show me how you get off after your shitty partner fails to make you cum.”

You don’t hesitate anymore before sinking down onto your dildo, not bothering with the vibrator quite yet. Eijirou kept pumping his length, watching the way your pussy swallows your toy up. After adjusting, you started bouncing on your dildo, making yourself feel good. Strings of moans left your lips, getting off on the fact that your best friend was watching you pleasure yourself. 

“Look at you go, sweetheart, you’re just so horny, huh? Not even thinking about p/n anymore, just thinking about cumming and my fat cock.”

“Fuck- yes Ei, ‘m thinking about your cock in my pussy, it’d stretch me out so so so good, d-don’t think I could take it,” you said as you reached for your vibrator, turning it on and pressing it to your clit. Eijirou stroked himself faster.

“Oh, you definitely could, pretty, I know you’d take it so good. Can already picture you creaming all over it. Shit- I’m getting close, cum with me.”

And that you did, you came around the dildo with no thoughts in your mind other than Eijirou and your orgasm. You slowly stopped, panting, and your phone buzzed. You glanced at it, at the top of the screen there was a singular notification.

My Love <3 : hey u busy?

“Mmm, that was so hot, sweetheart. Did you enjoy that?”

Y/n: yeah abt to go to bed, gn ily

“Yeah, Ei, of course I did…why don’t you come over?”

[gffa]

Hi :)

I'm a pretty new SW fan, not because I didn't like the movies/hadn't seen them but because I grew up thinking it was extremely nerdy and would often feel awkward trying to bring up anything related to SW.

Fortunately I've finally reached and met awesome people who love SW just like I did but I feel like I lost A LOT of important stuff and there's so much content to the saga that it's extremely overwhelming for me to even think about diving into the whole SW universe and catch up.

I've been following you for a bit and your posts are just extremely interesting to me but again, sometimes I'm a little confused about certain things and so I wanted to ask you if you had any recommendations about where to start catching up (besides the movies which I will be binge watching soon hehe)

Hi! Welcome to Star Wars fandom, I hope you're having a good time! And around here we embrace being as nerdy as possible--I mean, fandom is such a mainstream thing these days, but I still like to embrace being a nerd about things because it leads to a lot more happiness, to just be silly and having a good time with the thing that tickles our brains.

But, yes, it is pretty overwhelming when you're first arriving, I still remember when I first came back to SW several years ago, having really only watched the movies as a kid, and there was All This Stuff and it seemed impossible to ever reach the deep end of the pool, and that was before the last seven years of books, games, movies, comics, etc. came out! I will hopefully set your mind at ease with this, though: The vast, vast majority of content that Star Wars puts out isn't anything I would consider "essential". It's wonderful, fantastic stuff! But a lot of us have just been around so long that we're combing through the finer details of supplementary material, rather than those being absolute Must-Read/Watch To Get A Feel For Star Wars.

My recommendations for How To Get A Feel For Star Wars is basically, start with the animated series and the live action series, they're the second layer of foundation in the Star Wars building, all the comics and novels and such will be built on them, and in this order: - The movies, this is the foundation on which everything else will be built. - The Clone Wars, season 1-6 are part of George Lucas' story and they're pretty essential (at least in this corner of SW fandom) to understanding wtf anyone is talking about or even watching many of the live action series. (Season 7 is fine and should be watched! It's just not part of Lucas' Star Wars.) - Star Wars: Rebels, starts off light-hearted but really is one of the best developed shows and does a lot of connective work between the prequels and the original trilogy. - The Mandalorian, set 9 years after Return of the Jedi, this show just massively blew up and while each season is slightly less well-done than the previous one (imo), it's well worth watching for wtf fandom is talking about half of the time. (The Book of Boba Fett is somewhat optional in this corner of fandom, but imo worth the watch. Generally, it should go Mando s1-2 --> TBOBF --> Mando s3.) - Obi-Wan Kenobi, because this corner of fandom lost our goddamned minds about it and still haven't gotten them back. - Andor, which is a really great show and, as long as you've watched Rogue One first, you'll follow along just fine. Does some solid connecting the dots between the prequels and the originals, but not as much as Rebels did. - Jedi: Fallen Order, you can look up a "movie" version on YouTube for the story of this game, which is a really good plot, has some great new characters, has some genuinely effective cameos, and will be referenced fairly often in other materials/in fandom.

If you're not feeling overwhelmed by All The Star Wars You've Consumed, I would personally suggest going for the comics next, over any of the novels. The novels are great! But the vast majority of them are self-contained and meant to be supplementary material even more than the comics, which get to tell bigger, more connected stories. I always suggest starting with: - Star Wars 2015 by Jason Aaron + Darth Vader 2015 by Kieron Gillen, both of which are really, solidly fantastic stories about the timeframe just after A New Hope, like there are so many absolutely banger lines that came out of these comics. I won't spoil them, just know that I think these were legitimately good comics, not just legitimately good Star Wars comics. (The first six issues of each series are meant to be read concurrently, but after that, you can just pick one and read in that specific title.) - Darth Vader: Dark Lord of the Sith 2017 by Charles Soule, which is set in the immediate aftermath of Revenge of the Sith. If Gillen's Vader keeps the mystique of the originals Unknowable Darth Vader, then Soule's Vader is more about the absolute BATSHIT DRAMA that is blending Anakin Skywalker and Darth Vader. This series is BANANAPANTS in the absolute best way. - Obi-Wan & Anakin 2015 by Charles Soule, which is a five-issue mini-series set between The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones and is both stunningly beautiful art and a solidly good plot that survives fairly serious analysis of. It's got some great worldbuilding details, but even more I like it for the look at why a young Anakin chooses to stay with the Jedi Order.

The one book I will recommend--for a list aimed at getting you caught up on what fandom is referencing--is the Revenge of the Sith novelization by Matthew Stover, that book is quoted constantly, and I'm not sure any other SW book has ever been as good as it is.

I feel like this is the best set of reading to get you familiarized with the source material that tends to come up the most! There's lots more that's really good, but once you get through the above, you can let me know what era or characters you're most interested in or if you have a specific question about something and want to see where it comes from!

But there's one thing to address and you're kinda going to have to figure out how to approach it on your own. 😂 There is a ton of stuff in SW fandom that's ostensibly from a book or a comic, but the version in fandom often comes from those who never actually read the books/haven't read them in a long time or are just picking them up from other fic and meta.

For example, the AgriCorps or Melida/Daan get referenced in fic and in posts all the time, but I wouldn't necessarily recommend reading the Jedi Apprentice series (I mean, I'm not your mom, feel free if you want to!) and often times how they're used in fic is not how they were used in the source material. Or the clones speaking Mando'a comes from the Legends books by Karen Traviss and she is a whole big can of ugly worms (both what she wrote and her IRL politics), as well as much of what she wrote was overwritten/discarded when The Clone Wars came out, but fandom likes the idea and so they put that into their fics (as they should, if they like it!). The idea of Mace using the lightsaber form of Vaapad is from Legends sources (the best source probably being the Shatterpoint novel by Matthew Stover, I'd guess?), same for his ability to see "shatterpoints" in the Force, which aren't part of Lucas' continuity or Disney's continuity, but fandom enjoys using them to flesh out Mace's character. This will get you started and, if you're looking for something more specific, feel free to ask, I enjoy these kinds of question--and don't feel you have to stick with any of the above if they're not fun for you. This is meant to be enjoyable, it's meant to have a good time, there's no wrong way to consume Star Wars media! <3

[dragonclaw29]

Top Ten Manga

It’s been a minute since I last uploaded a top ten of any kind, Grad school will do that to you. However, now with my studies almost over I thought I would revisit my top ten manga and see what new titles have amazed me! 

-Note I am not including Webcomics so if you want Manhwa and the like let me know and I will make a separate list. 

10. Sakamoto Days

Starting off with a bang we have Sakamoto Days. In a world of assassins even a mild mannered fat store clerk could be a tough challenge. That is definitely true for Sakamoto the former top assassin in Japan. Watch as Sakamoto is targeted by Esper's, Triad members, and old friends as he battles to protect his home and his daughter. It’s a fantastic read and great for the action lover and comedian a like. 

9. Claymore 

Claymore tells the tale of an elite class of women tasked to fight off monsters who plague the land. Clair the last member of this group must protect the peace, her new friend Rakka, and her self. However, dark secrets lurk in this world and the shadowy organization that dispatches the Claymores may not be as kind as they appear. 

8. A Story about a Droid 

I debated about including this because it is such a short read. But it is also a very good and cute read. This story is about a droid who finds a baby and decides to take care of him. In order to care for the child the droid puts on a human disguise. The story follows the droid and her child as she raises him in a post apocalyptic world. 

7. Berserk

RIP Muria I will always be heartbroken that you passed before finishing this wonder of a story. This manga has always been one of my favorites and for good reason. The art is fantastic, the story is gripping, and the characters are dynamic. However, this manga is shocking, cruel, and depressing- not for the faint of heart. 

6. Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki Kun

Monthly Girls Nozaki is the tale of a girl in love. Chiyo has been in love with Nozaki for a while and she finally decides that she has had enough. Working up the courage she confesses to him, only for him to give her an autograph. Turns out her class mate is world famous in the realm of shoujo manga and has never been in love. Chiyo’s confession goes right over his head leaving her dumbfounded but not hopeless. This manga is a great romantic comedy including some of my favorite characters in fiction. Definitely worth a read if you want to laugh a night away. 

5. Dungeon Meshi

Have you ever been playing DnD and been like “hmmm I wonder what a Mimic tastes like?” If so I have the manga for you! Dungeon Meshi or delicious in dungeon follows a group of adventures as they venture into a dungeon to save the main character Laos’s sister. However, with no supplies they are forced to eat their way through to survive, much to the disdain of the party except for Laos he loves it. 

4. Sousou No Frienen

We all know elves live a long time but sometimes it doesn’t hit an elf until they have seen their old comrades fade away. Frenen is old even and has wandered the world in search of rare magic, and I mean rare not necessarily useful. Only after being recruited to aid the hero’s party and defeating the demon king does she come to realize that human relationships are complex and that time is fleeting. This is a great fantasy manga with great magic and quirky characters as I write this I am rereading the manga for the fourth time. 

3. Yotsubato!

Man aren’t five year old's hectic little animals?! Yotsuba is a young girl in a new neighborhood who isn’t afraid to wander off, get into trouble, or of anything except for maybe scary statues. This manga follows her life with her dad living every day to the fullest. If you are feeling down this is a great pick me up. I reread during finals and it really helped. 

2. Tongari Boss/ Witch Hat Alter

Witches are born with the ability to use magic and normal people aren’t. At least that’s what they say but what happens when a young girl gets a glimpse at the secret of magic. What if the reason magic is solely for witches because of the great danger magic can place not only yourself but the world in. Witch hat alter is one of the best fantasy manga out there right now and I want the next chapter to come out already!!!

1. Chainsaw Man

I remember the conversation that led me to read chainsaw man years ago. It went something like 

“Hey dude you should totally read this manga it’s badass!”

“Really? What’s it about?”

Insert a few seconds of silence 

“Well.. It’s about a dude who turns into a chainsaw and kills devils” 

“That’s insane” 

“Trust me it’s sooo good you have to try it! It has a section where he rides a shark into battle while on fire!” 

And with that fateful line I decided to give it a read. All I can say is thank you for telling me to read it because I love this manga. It is so funny, and crazy, and sad, and mind bending, and so many other things. I never thought a story about a dude who literally has a chainsaw growing out of his face would make me cry but life works in funny ways. 

Well that’s my list. I hope you find some of these recommendations helpful. If you have any questions, or want more let me know!! Have a great Summer!

[defilerwyrm]

Hi! I'm a trans guy pre on everything but i got my first doctor appointment on my local LGBT+ health's office and wanted to ask you, i know we all are different with our own doubts and experieces but still, what would you rec me to ask them? like in general doubts or explaining procedures/treatments. Bc sometimes i get anxious and forget to ask questions. Thank you in avance!

Howdy, sorry for the late reply! Let’s see, questions you can ask:

What are the benefits and pitfalls of each of the types of HRT available to me?

Which changes are permanent and which require HRT upkeep?

How will HRT affect my fertility or lack thereof? (Personal note: T is not birth control!!)

How soon should I start to see changes on each type of HRT?

If I get put on injections, will I be allowed to self-inject?

If so, ask for a demonstration of where and how to do it

How many weeks worth of T can I get at a time?

How often will I need to come in for blood tests?

(If you had blood work) Based on my blood work results, should I change anything about my diet or supplements?

Who can I contact if I need an emergency refill?

Who can I contact if something seems to be going wrong (not seeing results, unexpected results, etc)

What kind of surgical options are available to me? What kind of paperwork do I need for those?

(If you’re at all interested in or curious about surgical options) Can you recommend a surgical practice?

What all do I need in order to change my legal name and gender marker? Can I get help with the paperwork/legal aspect from somewhere local?

If you get put on injectable T: How should I dispose of my sharps boxes? (see below)

From experience: if you do get onto injectable T and are allowed to self-inject, shop online for three things in bulk:

1 mL Luer-lock disposable syringe barrels (I recommend BD general use, they’re great)

20 ga Luer-lock tri-bevel hypodermics (for drawing liquid)

23 to 25 ga Luer-lock tri-bevel hypodermics (for injecting)

A box of 100 of each will last you almost 2 years. Your pharmacy might offer you these free, but my experience has been that they’re kind of crap (dull needles are not fun); YMMV.

You can use a square of toilet paper soaked in 70% rubbing alcohol to sterilize your injection site, and another square to hold on the site after withdrawal afterward.

You will also need a “sharps box,” which is any sturdy, disposable plastic container that you can seal. You could spend $$ on buying a medical-grade one, but I just use an empty laundry detergent bottle. When it’s full, wrap the whole thing thoroughly in duct tape and write BIOHAZARD - SHARPS on each side. Where I live, I can just toss them into the trash like that, but it might be different where you live.

Best of luck, brother. :)

[jariten]

My Favorite Manga in 2023: Part 2

Like in part 1 I will skip the titles I already covered in previous roundups.

女の園の星 (Onna no Sono no Hoshi), Yama Wayama

初恋、ざらり (Hatsukoi, Zarari), Zaku Zakuro

うちのクラスの女子がヤバい (Uchi no Class no Joshi ga Yabai), Seiko Erisawa [Ichi-nen Ichi-gumi omnibus edition]

インターネット・ラヴ! (Internet Love!), Kiko Urino

レイニー通りの虹 (Rainy Doori no Niji), Keiko Fukuyama

葬送のフリーレン (Frieren: Beyond Journey's End), Kanehito Yamada & Tsukasa Abe

Yama Wayama appears to be on a continuous upwards trajectory as the manga comedienne of the reiwa era which I got to confirm for myself with the hit Onna no Sono no Hoshi. The episodic comedy about a teacher daily terrorized by his students and coworker. And with the scanlation well on its way I just want to say please experience it for yourself.

Uchi no Class no Joshi ga Yabai I had eyed ever since I started learning Japanese and the new omnibus that coincided with the ongoing sequel series gave me a great reason to finally pick it up. Box of Light by the same author was on my list last year and I not only liked the premise of it but also loved the anthology format of the story. For similar reason I really liked Uchi no Class: In the world of the series high school aged girls may experience the activation of powers.... that are completely useless and troublesome. We follow the students of year one class one, a class infamous for always having the highest concentration of useless powers. Dreams projected into the sky, X-ray vision that turn everyone around you into terrifying anatomy models is only the tip of the iceberg. I can't resist a gimmick premise done successfully and the variation of characters and powers kept the premise fresh like older characters who haven't yet "grown out" of their powers or a trans girl storyline.

Hatsukoi, Zarari follows the young woman Arisa diagnosed with a light intellectual disability and autism. Living between jobs and having a hard time turning down men who only want to have sex she has always struggled with her own self worth. This is until she falls in love with an older coworker who is charmed by her personality and quirks. But will things change if she opens up about her diagnoses? Zaku Zakuro has made manga and shared online about living with ADHD and asperger syndrome, giving this story a very personal and different perspective focusing especially on how stigma around developmental disabilities can be what causes the most friction and pain.

Internet Love! is a love story for the social media age with a budding romance that goes across borders. Bisexual nail artist Tenma has for years been a fan of a completely ordinary man from Korea named Uno who appears to be addicted to posting his life on instagram, daily filling up his story until the posts are lined up like dots. Thinking he held nothing but a healthy distance of "standom" for Uno, but he instead hits rock bottom when his insta favorite posts a girlfriend reveal. Tenma no longer able to bring himself to open the daily insta stories sinks into a depression, but Uno takes note that a certain someone stopped checking up on him... I was instantly charmed by this and was especially taken by how their clumsy attempts at communication without being able to speak each others language or no lingua franca was portrayed and the personal styles and fashions of the characters I just adored the whole thing.

[morallyinept]

HAPPY SUNDAY LOVELIES! 🖤

How ya'll doing? You all set for Christmas?

I am so not prepared; the panic hasn't set in yet. I predict that on Christmas Eve it probably will... eek! 😬

So, as well as missing a Self-Care with Dieter & Jett post last week, I also dropped the ball on my Weekly Whip Round - man, it was a week, let me tell ya! Busy, busy! Annnd I put my back out - don't ask how. It's not nearly as exciting as you think...

So, this week I'll be catching up on the last two weeks worth of posts, reads and general randomness on the Jett Plane.

Crack that whip Jack, we got a lot to cover, hoo!

Catch up on last week here, sugar

☆ Things I've posted this week

Five Days - Chapter 10 & 11 - Only one more chapter left of this story! I can't believe it's almost at an end. I'm going to miss Joel & Reader.

Sleazy Santa - A Dieter Bravo One Shot. Sleazy!Dieter is back and he's hoe, hoe hoeing around!

Kiss Cam - Frankie Morales GIFLET

Periscope - Dave York GIFLET

Self-Care with Dieter & Jett this week was all about ditching the guilt.

Writer Wow's the last two weeks shone the lights on @alwaysmicado & @covetyou Check them both out here!

I shared my Pedro Boys/Fics Wrapped I love this fun take on the Spotify wrapped, but for blorbos and fics.

I made some ID Badges for the Pedro Boys that are Agents or in the Forces this week. Mostly for fun, but also to challenge myself with editing. Plus, if anyone wants to use them in their stories/mood boards, you're more than welcome to. Or print them out and make yourself a name badge keepsake. I'll probably follow this up with a Part 2 at some point too!

Are you taking part in Pickled Pena?? I hope so! It's going to be so much fun!

I'm proud to be apart of @hellishjoel 's 12 Days Of Pedro - look out for my fic dropping on the 22nd Dec to wrap up this series.

And look out for my 12 Days of XXX-Mas Stories dropping on the 14th Dec. A Pedro Boy Christmas themed one shot every day from me until Dec 25th.

☆ Things I'm currently working on

GIFLETS, and some one shots for the new year. Sleazy!Dieter will also be making a return...

☆ Things I've read this week

My Pedro Character Fic Rec List was updated with the below stories, plus so much more. And I've put together a Festive Fic Rec List too, so be sure to tag me in your Christmas stories!

Some fics I read and enjoyed these past two weeks that stood out were:

Misunderstood - @magpiepills

Coming Under The Christmas Tree - @undercoverpena

Caught Kissing Santa - @wildemaven

Safe To Touch - @linzels-blog

Vis-A-Vis - @hier--soir

The Bachelorette - @elvinaa

I Crawl Home To Her - @chronically-ghosted

Sard'ika Sessions - @nerdieforpedro

Rumor Has It Series - @senorabond

Give To Me - @sp00kymulderr

☆ What have I been watching/listening to this week?

I watched a cool documentary on Netflix this week called Bad Surgeon: Love Under The Knife which was wild. Deffo worth a watch if you're a fan of Netflix docs.

☆ What have I been up to this week?

Resting mostly this week, I pulled my back, I wish I had an exciting story to go with that, but sadly, no. Don't get old, guys. 😅

Well that about wraps it up for these past two weeks.

This is Jack & Jett wishing you a great remainder of your weekend! Stay kind, stay creamy lovelies! 🖤

🖤

[alexrosekey]

Hermione-centric and HP World Building Expansion edition

A late entry from me. Beware that this list is based on my personal preference. If you don't like the ships, remember the rule - don't like don't read. Ship and let ship!

That being said, it has been a while since the last time I've come up with a rec list. But reccing great fanfics has remained one of my greatest passion. Having decided to fully integrated myself into the Harry Potter fandom again, I'm amazed at how creative and talented the authors of this fandom are. There are a plethora of interesting ideas and premises, with various themes and genres along with inquisitive, thoughtful observation regarding the characters and the world building of Harry Potter.

Without further ado, let's dive in to my submission for today's @hprecfest prompt: fics with over 100k+ words. All the fics below are Hermione-centric (one less than the other two but still), with amazing social commentaries on the HP world and impeccable observation on the magical world, which to me are the best aspect of HP fic.

unsphere the stars by @cocoartistwrites (M, 222,827, Hermione Granger/Tom Riddle)

When you can't change time, but you can't go forward, what is left? Hermione learns how to be the protagonist of her own story.

To quote one of the bookmarks: Hermione is more than she ever was. This story is a journey of Hermione to grow, to love and to explore magic and its beauty more than she could ever be. Don't let the pairing deter you, this is no doubt one of the most memorable fanfic reading experience I have in my years of being in fandoms. Hermione and Tom are both portrayed spectacularly and thoughtfully, and the prose are some of the most poetic I've ever seen.

To sum up the whole of my reading experience, I laid on my bed and stared at the ceiling for 30 mins after reading the last chapter, completely shell-shocked.

All I could say is, if you want an astounding character arc for Hermione, with in-depth magical system and immersive world building, plus interesting OCs and breathtaking writing, then this fic is definitely for you!

*This fic could also be placed under the prompt of Day 7: A Canon-Compliant Fic.

2. What's Past is Prologue by ABitofWit (E, 244,611, Hermione Granger/Lucius Malfoy)

It's eight years after the war and Hermione Granger has taken a break from her career at the Ministry of Magic to compile an oral history of the conflict. She's interviewed just about everyone she can get her hands on but she wants to be thorough. And that means getting in contact with a very unwilling Lucius Malfoy.

Listen, I know the pairing is weird as fuck. I know, I had my doubt too before reading it. But the raving bookmarks convinced me to give this a chance. And boy, it was one of the best decisions I've ever made.

This fic is more than just a ship fic, it's about love and what we would do for it, the greyness of life and choices, of redemption and finding one's self worth outside of pre-existing, archaic ideas and values. It's about change and how we're never too old to learn. WPIP is everything I've ever wanted in a fic, emotional, sincere, humorous, gorgeous, sexy, steamy and sweet. Full of heart and soul.

Most of all, the development of and between Hermione and Lucius is so natural and makes a lot of sense, without them being OOC. This fic reminds me that Hermione is not at all flawless (the opposite of the usual Mary-Sue, little-miss-perfect trope that Hermione tends to be portrayed in fics), while successfully humanizes and makes Lucius Malfoy one of the most interesting HP characters in my eyes. (Who would have thought that I've spent years not giving a jot about this guy, only to fall in love with such a mess of a man like him??)

Combine with sharp commentaries and observations on the British Wizarding World, Wizarding politics and a not-canon folder supporting cast, this is no doubt one of the best HP fic, and one of the best fanfic I've ever had the pleasure to read.

*This fic could also be placed under the prompt of Day 2: A Comfort Fic and Day 9: A Rare Pair Fic.

3. Six Pomegranate Seeds by Seselt (E, 185,965, no pairing but implied Theodore Nott/Hermione Granger)

At the end, something happened. Hermione clutches at one fraying thread, uncertain whether she is Arachne or Persephone. What she does know is that she will keep fighting to protect her friends even if she must walk a dark path.

Sooo, this is one very weird fic. One of the oddest fics I've ever encoutered, in fact. I've read it twice, one before I read the book series in full, one after I've finished the books. And let me tell you, SPS is a stunning work.

The odd, floating third-person POV, the dry and sharp, straightforward tone of Hermione. Her competency, her compassion despite all the pain and the emotional repression. This is definitely not your usual time travel fix-it fic.

Most of Hermione's work happened in tandem with the 7 books' main storyline. Hermione's soul is put into the body of a young orphan Pureblood heiress. This gives the fic one of the most interesting spin on the Hermione-is-a-pureblood trope.

Through Hermione, we have a closer look into the background and the context of the main events of the books, plus a deeper understanding of the Pureblood society and a much more sympathetic view into the students Slytherin house. All without whitewashing and offsetting the corruption and the effects of the Purebloods and the Slytherins' stuffy, archaic views on not only the young generation of students but also the British Wizarding world.

I lost count of the amount of time I slapped my knees while reading this work the second time whenever I encountered a particularly sharp line of thought/commentary from Hermione in this fic. I'm also amazed at how much work and research the author has put into SPS, particularly in terms of making up tons of new magical theories and the use of exotic and lesser known vocabulary (seriously, if you decide to read this one, prepare a dictionary next to you, or get ready to regularly stop mid reading in order to look up certain words 😆)

*This fic could also be placed under the prompt of Day 7: A Canon-Compliant Fic.

That being said, thank you for checking out my list! Thank the admins of @hprecfest for holding such a fun activity. Feel free to join in yourself. Happy reading 💋

Day 16: A fic that made you laughed

Day 19: Fic with the hottest smut

Day 22: An unfinished fic (hasn't updated in 10 years or the author stated it has been abandoned)

Day 26: A fic with an ending you can't stop thinking about

[smallsies]

Audio Drama Sunday — April 28, 2024 ✨

I checked out quite a few shows this week, mostly thanks to the @podcast-bookclub 1 Year Anniversary event yesterday!

Firstly, though, I have to give a shoutout again to episode 1 of Wanderer's Journal that dropped this week. We hosted a last-minute listening party in the server, joined by a few of the lovely cast and crew, & it was a blast! Eagerly awaiting the release of episode 2 on the Patreon feed this week.

As for all of the anniversary shows I mentioned earlier, we asked the members to submit shows for the event & they knocked it out of the park. I was only able to make it for the first half of the marathon, but it was a great time (and has definitely made me add a bunch of new shows to my to-listen list)

Fawx & Stallion was our first listen of the day! I mentioned on the stage that I'm not typically one to venture outside of my colloquial horror shows, but this podcast is incredible, & makes my past 14-year-old obsessed-with-Sherlock-Holmes self very happy. They're currently crowdfunding for their second season, which you can check out here!

We also checked out Night Shift, which I hadn't listened to before but was immediately told was right up my alley. This observation was absolutely correct, and we all liked this show enough there have already been talks in the server about giving it a listen all together! I love shows with framing devices, and podcast-within-a-podcast is always a fun avenue.

I've listened to Gastronaut a handful of times now, and was more than happy to listen to the pilot again for this event! The semi-recent addition of the transcripts was super helpful, & probably gives me an excuse to relisten to the show in its entirety now, but even just the pilot episode gives you such fun insight into the world & their expanse of cool foods that are tragically denied to those of us residing on earth.

The Grotto was the last show I had time to catch, being another one that I already really loved going in to this! After getting further into the show, you're forced to really reframe your understanding of the beginning of the story which has thus far made it really enjoyable to revisit. (I have yet to finish the finale—whoops—so maybe I'll change my tune when I get around to it?)

I didn't get the chance to listen to anything else this week, (still caught between the end of the semester, packing to move, and the upcoming Podcast Jam @podcastjam Jam Weekend,) but I have at least 14 hours worth of drive time ahead of me this week, so recommendations are more than welcome!

Happy listening for the week ahead, friends!

[whiskeyswifty]

yo whiskeyswifty.........how do you feel about the torture department (still can't remember the entire title), in terms of her releasing a new album, new material, so soon after midnights? because i have some thoughts i'd like to share and i think you might agree so i'm asking you first

torture department is apt hahaha! hmmm i gotta say, my knee jerk reaction was not all that different from everybody in the room at the grammys, which was a feeling of exhaustion with a dash of resentment. upon seeing the artwork and the tracklist though i'm intrigued! and thrilled to leave midnights behind. hopeful is the word i guess.

and in terms of timeline i guess it's twofold. one being that this is the first time in recent history (since lover i think?) that she's taken her typical album cycle gestation period of 2 years to work on an album. it's no secret i'm a huge fan of editing, sitting with something, coming back to something, letting things marinate and emerge over time creatively. and also that big thing of like, ya know, having time to live a life worth writing about. and her "put it out as soon as it's 'done'" methodology is NOT it. imo, folklore only worked because she really only made half of that herself from scratch, working mainly on lyrics as Aaron sent her like 98% completed instrumentals to write to for half the album, the rest she made her standard way with jack doing both lyrics and melody herself. so of course it could come together more quickly and of course it was lyrically brilliant since she was focusing more on lyrics for the majority of that project. and i think you can see the way midnights suffers in comparison because she tried to do the same thing but stretched her self too thin for the time period she gave herself (although she won't see it that way now that it has aoty but i simply cannot talk about that cuz it enrages me). she misunderstood what made folklore so great; not the fact that she wrote it in a short period of time but because she opened herself up to creative collaboration in a new way, was challenged creatively and put in particular constraints, both self imposed and circumstantial, and how that brought out a new side of her. it's because of those factors that folklore came together so quickly and turned out so brilliant, not the other way around. and while it may seem like it's quickly coming behind midnights, as we know, she wrote midnights in late 2021 cuz she said they wrote it while their partners were shooting Stars At Noon which shot in 2021. and so this album has been worked on from 2022 at the latest all the way up until now, which is 2 years and some change. i'm really excited by that promise of a return to form, methodologically anyway, and she's had a hell of a time since midnights and if she writes about herself, which it seems like she did, i'm excited to hear about it!

and two i think from a content churn perspective, i'm not thrilled with the general constant hype cycle. there seems to be no downtime with the re-records always in the mix. and i know that's mainly the part that is killing me. one of the most important things for me is having downtime. let me miss you, let me get bored of the last album or content you gave me. let me want you. so when you do announce another album, i'll be excited! right now, i'm just exhausted. midnights was a year and some change ago. we've had two tv's since. reputation tv hangs ominously over us like a threat at all times. and now NEW music? it's just too much. i get that she's doing whatever she wants because it makes her happy, and i'm happy she's happy. but as a consumer, now I'M the one stretched too thin.

tldr/ i guess i'm numb to the content machine at this point, so that's a wash. but it's a net positive right now knowing how long she's been sitting on this one and working on this one, and how hopeful i am that she'll return somewhat to singer/songwriter a bit as per the aesthetic. although midnights was a total fake out visually -> sonically so who the fuck knows. i get exhausted thinking about it, which i think tells you all you need to know lol.

happy to hear your thoughts and whether you agree or disagree!

[solena2]

thoughts/analysis of davepetasprite^2

My feelings on them are kind of mixed! On the one hand, I think they’re an incredibly interesting character with a ton of potential, especially in fanwork, but on the other hand they get barely any screentime in the comic proper and pretty much the only thing they manage to do before heading off on their suicide mission is tank any chance of Davesprite ever getting to complete his character arc in a satisfying way.

As far as canon goes, I think they were probably a poor choice to add in. They don’t get enough of an arc to justify sacrificing a character as interesting as Davesprite for them, and there are some seriously uncomfortable implications attached to their whole “I got fused with a catgirl and now my depression is cured” thing. I think they could have been great if they’d been given room to really explore those implications, but they only get a couple logs worth of characterization before collide, so it ends out pretty unsatisfying, at least on my end. The way it’s framed, it’s almost like they’re supposed to be the conclusion to Davesprite’s character arc, rather than being their own character, which is just�� no. You don’t get to conclude a character’s arc by turning them into a different character, that doesn’t work. That’s the start of an arc, not the end of one. Not the last one, at least.

For fanwork, though, I love them. There’s so much about them that’s worth reading into, and they’re incredibly interesting if only because their existence has necessary and intriguing consequences for any setting they’re placed in.

They’ve got memories from two different people, without really being either of them. In Dave’s case, they were the spare already and they’ve got a fair bit of trauma about it, so becoming an even “faker” Dave is bound to have some kind of effect on them. In Nepeta’s case, they’re the only version of her left, and the fact that they can’t be her, even while she’s a huge part of them, is going to Do Things to their head.

I also think they’re lying to themself about not having depression anymore. Like, they know they’re probably going to permadie to Lord English when they head off to fight him and they do it anyway, despite literally no one asking them to. That is not the behavior of someone with a healthy attitude towards the inherent value of their own existence. I’d give even odds as to whether the constant cheer is consciously a front or if they’re repressing so hard even they don’t realize how not ok they are.

I’m genuinely surprised there isn’t more fic of them struggling with The Gender Thing. Like, they’ve got memories of being both a boy and a girl, and they decide to be neither upon entering existence? There are some implications there. Like, do Dave and Nepeta have repressed Gender Feelings? Was Davesprite an egg? Them immediately picking a new gender doesn’t necessarily indicate that at least one of their components was looking for an excuse to trans their gender, but it certainly indicates something. And honestly, that not being the case would have it’s own incredibly interesting implications. Like, is their gender an extension of their identity issues? It could be. I’d read that fic.

Speaking of identity issues… wow, am I right? They’ve got at least two different kinds of impostor syndrome, three years of getting called a fake version of themself on one end and three years spent as a ghost interacting with dozens of alternate universe versions of themself on the other, and that’s not even getting into the whole ultimate self thing.

Basically, I just… I love them. They’re wasted in canon but fandom is fully capable of realizing their potential in its stead and every time I find a fic that does it well I end up rereading it multiple times because they’re just such a delight when they’re written well. They’re also the only nonbinary character in the main body of Homestuck and I’m not about to lie and pretend that doesn’t give me a massive bias towards them.

[piratefishmama]

I got tagged in a questions thingy.

by: @w1ll0wtr33  thanks sweets!

1. Are you named after anyone?

Nope, my name was in fact a mistake made by a nurse! It was supposed to be a hyphenated combination of my first and middle name, but the person doing the birth certificate made an error.

2. when was the last time you cried?

Like… fully? Uhm. August? The day before my dad got out of the hospital I had a full blown panic attack cause I knew I’d be alone in taking care of his asshole self and wasn’t prepared to do that. There was crying involved in that.

3. do you have kids?

I would sooner rip my own uterus and womb out, Netflix Witcher style than have children.

Storytime: My mum once bought me a £75 stroller and doll, an this was years ago, like, single digits age range so that was EXPENSIVE for the time (fuck man, it’s expensive now lmao), I… left it out as far away from the house as I, at my age, could... in the rain. An it was all silk and satin material so it was well and truly fucked.

They stopped expecting eventual grandchildren from me very early on in my life.

4. What sports do you/have you play/played?

Does archery count? I feel like archery should count lmao I do archery, and I used to do ju-jitsu, I have medals somewhere for ju-jitsu, god knows where though my medals were never worth keeping track of apparently. My brother's are in his old room.

5. Do you use sarcasm?

Fluently.

6. what’s the first thing you notice about people?

That they’ve invaded my carefully curated alone time and thus have become my enemy.

7. what’s your eye colour?

Hazel, with more green than brown.

They're also my favourite eye colour too! there’s so many variations of it, do you have more green or brown in it? is there a ring of darker colour around your iris or not? Hazel has so many variations it’s such a pretty eye colour to have and it changes. Hazel eyes are magic.

8. scary movies or happy endings?

Thanks to my truly stellar vivid imagination and Childhood Trauma™️, I cannot watch scary movies. At least not ones that have plausibility. Like they could happen. Because for some reason, everytime I watch one of those, my brain ever so lovingly decides to recreate the movie in the form of a nightmare where all the starring cast are people I actually care about an I’m just. watching them all die.

It's never fun. And I can never escape it. Even waking up, if I go to sleep, I will go right back into that nightmare, there’s no escape.

9. any talents?

Many! i have ADHD and autism, I have so many random skills. The only one I can reliably do on command though is writing. I can draw, paint, sew, sing, dance, and many others… sometimes, but the only one I can reliably do without fail, is write.

10. where were you born?

Britain. You don’t get closer than that I ain’t about to dox myself.

11. what are your hobbies?

Writing, reading, video games, creating shit.

12. do you have any pets?

Hope and Shadow are my two dogs, you all know them by now I’m sure. I have a shitton of tropical fish in tanks both upstairs and down, I did have a very smol bird but I had to put him up for adoption as unfortunately he and Hope simply did not get along, she made him very anxious and he made her hungry for bird.

13. how tall are you?

I’m tiny, 4’11.

14. favourite subject in school?

English. I had a great teacher. It would have been art but unfortunately I hated my teacher, and my teacher hated me and that made the lessons very uncomfortable.

15. dream job?

I would love to work with animals. Animals are easier than people.

And no, i'm not tagging people.

[emblazons]

I'm the last anon. I forgot to point something.

Do you think Henry stating that Brenner wasn't a monster but just an ordinary man seeking for special things in other people can make El realize Mike isn't her savior but just an ordinary boy who admire others for what make them different?

Not trying to say Mike and Brenner are the same, but they do have been paralleling/contrasting each other. Mike is a good person and has good intentions, but his insistence in seeing El as superior is not good for her nor to their relationship.

!!! okay I finally got a chance to answer this—and yes, I absolutely think those two ideas are meant to be connected for her (though I'm not sure she's parsed them out yet). Its one of the first thoughts I had watching part ii as a little-deeper than GA way back in July of 2022, so...its not even my ongoing analysis brain that brought it up (though its definitely expanded since then lol). Let me see if I can explain.

forewarning: this is really long and probably the most brutal anti-mlvn post I've ever written. It is not intended to be cruel to Mike in the slightest, but. In order to talk through the narrative, I must address what is going on in El's mind, and tbh...it's not all that pleasant in anyone's direction but Max's & maybe Hopper's at this point.

The entirety of S4, El is repeatedly presented with people attempting to challenge her oversimplified and depressed sense of self and others, given that, in the time since she's lost Hopper, her first home, her friends and her powers, she's been desperately trying (and failing) to sort through her place in the world.

Please note that the depression part is absolutely critical...because it's how Vecna can so easily influence her thinking, both via what she sees in NINA memories and during his monologue to her in Piggyback scenes.

We see her do it with Mike:

We see her do it with Brenner:

And we see her do with with Henry/Vecna:

—and as she goes along learning from each, we watch her come in contact with more nuanced (potential) self-concepts each time.

With Mike, she gets a fellow 14 year old with no framework for powers trying to navigate El's complex existential crisis he's spent several months unaware of and has no equivalent context for—which is why he pulls on her being a "superhero" so much. Its how he understands her, and what has been most obvious to him over the years; she's saved him, saved Will, and saved Hawkins in just the few years he's known her, and that (in his very nerd-oriented mind) is something worth celebrating and being excited about, even in people who don't have superpowers.

For him, El is not a "tool" necessarily...but the oversimple "superhero" side of her certainly overshadows the rest for him. Its why they struggle so hard in a "normal" romantic relationship—interpersonal closeness and emotional intimacy isn't what their bond is built on, though they do care for and want to protect one another.

With Brenner, she gets a more mature (and yet still power-focused) person who is familiar with her powers and past enough to give more nuanced insight, but who is also 1) abusive, manipulative and selfish and 2) has never looked at El, Henry or the other numbers as human beings, but rather tools to accomplish goals. Even so, Brenner is an adult, and therefore understands that El cannot move forward understanding herself so simply because his own actions require complex jumps and justification to make sense to himself—

—and also because, as anyone who has see themselves change over time knows, we do not keep the same oversimple self-concept of ourselves as we age, make mistakes, and grow. Brenner sees the girl with powers, and knows what she's capable of...just like he (and Owens, honestly) knows that she is not truly evil or monstrous despite having great destructive capability. The "monster" in him though is very human-oriented...which is why El so often finds herself associating Mike's insecurities within Brenner's manipulation.

Disclaimer: that last sounded bad for Mike, but: he is literally 14, and not trying to manipulate or abuse El in any way, shape, or form. Mike Wheeler is really just insecure kid who makes mistakes thrust into an extremely unusual situation, trying to do his best with the knowledge he has. Even so...immature and under-informed people often do things that mirror mature people with legitimately cruel intentions—one is just an adult aware & intentional about the tactic, where the other is a boy who isn't.

With Henry/Vecna though, El finds an true equal, but as a foil—the actual "monster" to her "superhero," though we spend the entire season realizing that even Henry cannot be parsed down to something so remedial or one-note as "monster" either.

Henry is someone who is almost exactly like El, down her powers and being abused/manipulated by Brenner—though she's made different choices, which is the radical difference between the two of them (and one I think will be core for her to learn as we move into S5).

While Henry and El are in fact quite identical in many ways, its the choice El made to say "no" to Henry when he asked her to join her + her resistance of his desire to overpower others (which he himself notes)—on top of her desire to protect others' lives and autonomy in a way he does not that makes her good!different, rather than the bad!different Henry is.

Even so...the similarities of experience and struggle they've had at Brenner's hands make what he says resonate with Eleven—because, as we all know, some of the best villains are the ones whose concept has clear mirroring within the protagonist, only a shade off (think Killmonger and Black Panther).

Its pretty clear then, why this long lead up through Mike, Brenner and Henry presenting her with increasingly complex concepts of self & humanity would make her reflect on Mike (+ their relationship).

From the beginning, Mike' finding El and taking her in first fits him (for better or worse) squarely into the "males whose presence in my life has been formative" corner—which is why we get Mike/Hopper, Hopper/Brenner and Mike/Brenner comparisons/parallels throughout course of the show this paragraph deserves a whole post on its own, but I'm trying to stay on track here lmfao.

Its also why this line in particular (and, finally, to your point) serves as a brutal reminder that El and Mike are incompatible—not because Mike himself is doing anything to harm El, but because Mike, like Brenner for her and Henry, 1) focuses on her powers and 2) has no framework for understanding her feeling different the way she wants (and needs) to be understood.

Given that El has already confronted Papa (and left him to die for what he's done to her) and she believes Hopper is already dead—

the only person left (truly guilty or not) in the line of people who 1) were integral to forming El's understanding the world; 2) tried to tell her how she should use her powers; 3) put up resistance to her autonomy; 4) lied to her and 5) could not understand her in her difference...is Mike Wheeler—

—who she already disappointed with, who is entirely unaware any of this shit is happening within her, and who is also being encouraged by an only slightly less unaware (and in love) Will Byers to "be the heart" and lead the party like he would a campaign.

...these are also the circumstances we get this supposedly "romantic monologue" in...and where we see him reference (and remind El) not only the moment he took her in (aka ended up in one of the inadvertent authority positions she's currently rebelling against), but also the fact that he thinks she's a "superhero," (which she doesn't believe about herself after Henry's monologue).

It's no wonder then, why she seemed uncomfortable af with all he said during the entire monologue...or why she ignored him the rest of the season (except, we learn, to say to Mike that Brenner—someone she can't stand, and who she's now spent a solid chunk of this season internally associating him with—was right).

Basically: the fact that a deeply conflicted and depressed El found kinship with a manipulative Henry (while simultaneously feeling rage at Brenner...and Mike by PTSD association) means that the displeasure she feels at Brenner and everything is gonna come out at another figure who has mirrored the things she is rebelling against—her very unaware boyfriend, Mike.

Hopper isn't there to balance as a "positive" adult male perception for her either...which leaves Mike in the wildly unfair position of being the "last man standing" for the parallel sadness & rage El feels about being different, much like Henry.

That is why Vecna saying that Brenner was an "ordinary, mediocre man" now has an immediate association with Mike in El's mind...one that is just another nail in the coffin of their romance, and that she will have to pull out of her perception if they're going to heal even on a friend level from the disaster this season has created in S5.

—I will say that the presence of Max as contrast through all of these moments is critical, as Max is the one person who has asked her who she is and what she wants, as well as who parallels El signs of internal conundrum about how she sees herself (that El overhears when she enters the void). Max is also the one who reminds El of the autonomy and positive human identity that El so wants for herself.

Hopper coming back and reclaiming the spot as a positive (actual) father figure that El has been projecting onto Mike in his absence is critical as well, considering his presence (and knowledge of Mike) will likely temper the brutality El is directs at Mike in her weakest moments of the season too). But...that is a whole other post, and I've already written (another) novel.