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yellowharrington · 2 months

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wildflower and barley -- joel miller x reader

pairing + fandom: joel miller x reader, the last of us (hbo)

word count: 5k+ oops

warnings/notes: smut smut smut!!! minors DNI, 18+!!! no outbreak!au. age gap (it's implied reader is in her 20s while joel is 45) and mentions of joel being kinda perverted and liking it lol. drinking (both reader and joel, not excessive), use of a dating app like tinder but not specified, unprotected PIV w creampie and oral (m+f receiving), do not fuck your tinder hookups without protection i'm just horny and gross. excessive use of darlin' as a nickname. implied that reader likes men. she/her pronouns used, afab!reader (with mentions of body parts), no use of y/n. if i missed anything lmk!

a/n: heavily inspired by this post by @yesttoheaven about joel's tinder profile!! it has been rotting my brain since i saw it which literally inspired me to write my first fic in the tlou fandom ever so please be gentle with me. i imagined show!joel because i've never played the game so do with that what you will. please reblog and leave comments if u enjoy it <3333

divider by @cafekitsune

summary: after deciding to change your age range on a dating app in hope of a change of scenery, you stumble across joel miller.

No one likes using dating apps.

Swiping left, left, left mindlessly at troves of men holding fish, showing off their trucks, or with deer heads mounted to the walls behind their selfies holding guns.

This was Texas, after all.

Having just moved here, it was a little shocking, to say the least. But you were getting used to the “eligible” bachelors that were your age generally looking and acting the same. When you did end up finding someone of interest, you were usually turned off pretty quickly by whatever shitty pick-up line they had chosen. Or, your personal favourite, “wanna fuck?”

No thanks.

It was an idyllic summer evening, the hot stuffy air of Austin flowing in through your windows. You laid in bed, propped up on the pillows against your headboard and sorting through the faces that adorned your screen. No one particularly interesting, as usual, and every profile was starting to melt together to look the same.

You sighed, looking into your settings, adjusting and increasing different metrics to hopefully change the pool just enough for there to be someone new or interesting.

Age range: 25-30

Your eyebrow cocked as you looked onto the screen, pulling the slider more to the right experimentally. No one was here to see you, and even though it was slightly embarassing to be interested in older men, you’d be lying if you said it didn’t pique your interest to imagine it. Even just to try, and see, if they ever really did grow up. You imagined it was wishful thinking, but increased the range anyways.

Age range: 35-45

Feeling the need to throw your phone across the room after doing that, you placed it face down under your pillow and slid out of bed. No use in swiping through them now, and you were getting tired of looking. A pint of Ben and Jerry’s and a new episode of your favourite show was waiting for you downstairs.

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾

Joel Miller does not use dating apps.

He barely knows how to send a text on his phone, let alone navigate the world of online women. Not to say he didn’t explore the options, so to speak, but they usually were not ones that were single, his age, and in his area. Unless the ads on those sites were real, that is.

“It’s starting to get sad,” Sarah had remarked at breakfast, when they got on the topic, and Joel feigned hurt. Hand over his heart, he dropped his fork onto the plate. “It’s not sad, Jesus. I’m just busy, is all.”

“Busy not gettin’ busy,” Sarah remarked, and Joel’s eyes widened. “Hey now! None of that.”

A blush spread up his cheeks and ears as they continued to eat breakfast in slightly awkward silence, before Joel took his plate to the sink. “Okay, off to school, you. And no more conversations about my dating life. Ever.”

Sarah laughed as she finished off the last of the juice in her glass. “I’m just saying, dad. You can if you want to. Might be nice for you.”

Joel planted a soft kiss to her head before she bounded out the door, rolling his eyes and calling out a ‘love you’ before she closed the door swiftly behind her. Joel stared at his cell phone on the table. Maybe it would be nice.

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾

The following evening, you were a little too excited to see the dating app specimens you had acquired. Not sure what to expect, really, and you went in with no expectations. It’s not like they’d magically all be tall, dark, and handsome, but some variety never killed anybody.

Paul, 41

Daddy, but not yours. No libs allowed. 6’ because that matters.

You sighed deeply. Some things never change.

After swiping through much of what you were used to, a profile managed to catch your eye among the sea of disappointment.

Joel, 45

Just a Southern gentleman trying this out for the first time. Contractor of over 10 years. I love my daughter, BBQ, strong coffee, and sleeping in.

Now that was the most interesting thing you’d seen in a while.

He didn’t look a day over 40. His eyes creased at the corners when he smiled wide in his photos. He looked tan, a product of the Texas heat and his job, you thought. His features were accompanied by salt-and-pepper facial hair and messy curls that looked soft and pliable. His photos showed off his physique incredibly, tight wash-worn t-shirts pulling over his arms and shoulders, looking big, broad. He was no doubt the most handsome man you’d seen on an app, maybe ever.

When you swiped right before you could think too hard, you were surprised to see the green “Match!” Flash across your screen.

Your fingers ghosted over the keyboard on your phone, thinking of a witty thing to say, probably for too long.

Your phone buzzed as you saw a notification pop up.

Joel has sent you a message.

Hey, darlin’. How are ya?

You felt your face warm at the sweet message, when was the last time someone had called you darlin’? Ever?

Hey cowboy. I’m great, how are you?

He was certainly an eager responder, taking only a few seconds to reply. You found yourself smiling down at your phone screen.

Cowboy… I like that. I’m better now that I’m talking to you.

Oh, Joel, who told you to say that? 😂

No good?

Not bad. 6/10.

Only 6/10? I’ll work on it. I like to think I’m better in person.

I would love to find out.

You found yourself emboldened by how easy the conversation was flowing. Joel was certainly easy to talk to, easier than the other matches you had going for you, and infinitely more handsome.

Oh, would you? Alright. I’d love to take you to dinner sometime. If you don’t mind being seen with an old man such as myself in public. Or meeting a stranger from the internet.

He’s a very handsome stranger. I would love to go to dinner with you. Know any good spots? I’m new around here.

There’s a great barbecue spot in downtown Austin. If you’d prefer something fancier, let me know.

I love bbq. Just tell me where and when, cowboy.

Tomorrow, 7pm ok?

You sent him your phone number in the message. Fuck it.

Sounds great. Text me the address, I’ll be there. :)

Joel’s reply didn’t come. Instead, a text appeared at the top of your screen with an unknown number.

It’s Joel. This the right number?

Yup. You found me.

Great. Talk tomorrow sweetheart. Looking forward to it. :)

He texted you the address of the restaurant, right before you opened the contact card, saving his name as “cowboy ♡”.

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾

Cowboy. Cowboy. Cowboy. It was playing over in his head like a broken fuckin’ record.

Joel was positively freaking out about this date.

Sarah had managed to secure a sleepover at her friend’s place, so the house would be empty for the night. He had been busying himself with cleaning the entirety of the house, even taking the time to mow the grass before work and vacuum the family room. He can’t remember the last time he vacuumed anywhere.

Would she even make it back here? How does this work? Will she want to sleep over or hang out on the couch or should he be making a dessert for after?

His mind was brought out of it’s craze by Sarah jumping down the stairs. She plopped her bag down on the freshly wiped countertop.

“Careful,” he warned, putting a hand up. “I just cleaned that off.”

“I can tell. It smells like the cleaning aisle threw up in here.”

He smirked before patting her head with his hand, as she aggressively smoothed out her hair. “Dad! Don’t!”

“When do you wanna go to Ellie’s?” He asked, more gaging how long he has left to get ready than actually asking.

“Probably soon. Why? Tryna get rid of me?” she poked her dad in the side, but when she flinched away instead, a large smile spread across her face. He was tense.

“What’s your deal?” Joel hated the way she knew him so well sometimes.

“Nothing.“

“Are you going on a date?”

Silence fell over the kitchen between the two of them, as Joel’s shoulders slumped in defeat. “How did you know?”

“Oh my god, you actually took my advice,” Sarah laughed, watching her dad’s face burn red with embarrassment. “Just don’t do anything weird on communal surfaces, please.”

Joel shook his head at her suggestion, already becoming annoyed with the whole prospect. He was so nervous, about what to wear, how to act, what the expectation was… let alone, what would happen if they made it back to his place at all.

Although, when he was able to shake his nerves for a second, he was just really fucking excited.

“Wear those dark jeans, and that green shirt you wore to Tommy’s last week. Looks good on you.” Sarah smiled as she put her arms around Joel’s middle, while his worries melted away with her touch. “She’ll love you, I promise.”

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾

It had been such a long time since you’d been on a proper date, you were starting to lose your mind at the simple process of deciding what to wear.

Clothes were strewn across every surface of your apartment, shoes matching with jeans that matched with cardigans, tops that matched with belts and jackets.

It’s 87 degrees at 5 o’clock, idiot. You’re not wearing a jacket. Relax.

Exhausted of picking out outfits and making decisions, you collapsed on your couch and took a look at your options. You landed on an easy sundress, putting the rest of your clothes back in their respective drawers, and pulling out all of the products you were expecting to use to get ready.

You scrolled through your phone aimlessly as a notification bubble popped up on the screen.

We still on for tonight darlin’? Or did you change your mind?

No worries if you did. I respect that.

You let out a cackle at the message, thinking about how he must look right now. Was he nervous? Scared? Was he just looking for a controversially young fuck?

You weren’t… completely against that.

Didn’t change my mind, wouldn’t in a million years :)

Meet you there. Can’t wait to see you.

His eagerness to meet up would’ve been a red flag if it were any other run of the mill guy, but something about Joel felt special. There didn’t seem to be any funny business with him; too sincere to try anything other than just a good old fashioned date.

You too, cowboy.

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾

When Joel showed up at the restaurant, he clenched a small bouquet of pink peonies in his right hand and checked his watch obsessively. The minutes ticked away, as he kept a high alert for anyone who could be his potential date. He knew what you looked like, of course, but this being his first time doing anything of this sort is making him hyperaware of anything going awry.

When he does lay eyes on you, his whole gaze softens. A pink sundress, hair pristinely styled and a bounce in your step that reminded him of summer. You looked like an angel, the sunset behind you painting the sky tangerine, which reflected off of the shine against your supple skin. So young, beautiful, it was taking his breath away.

“Joel?”

Your voice matched your sweet demeanour, and he was taken out of his waking daydream.

“Hi,” is all he can say, letting his breath out as he relaxed. “Yes, hi, sorry. I’m Joel.”

“Hi,” you laugh back, eyes darting to the flowers in his hand. They matched your dress.

“These are for you,” he gets the hint, extending his arm out, and you can see the veins bulging in his forearm. He looked so much stronger in person, it was making your knees go weak.

“Thank you, wow,” you held them up to your nose to smell the sweet aroma. “I love peonies.”

“Me too,” he smiled, showing off a string of pearly white teeth, that contrasted with the pink of his lips and the even tan of his skin.

“Shall we?” He extended his arm to you for you to grab onto, and you got to feel the warmth of his skin for yourself. Your hand wrapped around his forearm as he opened the door of the restaurant for you, leading you inside and catching a glimpse of the backs of your thighs as you walked in front of him.

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾

When you were finally sitting, the conversation flowed easily. He was truly a Southern gentleman, like he had said. It wasn’t normal for you to open up so quickly, but Joel was so easy going and smart, he asked the right questions and knew when to listen. He knew how to listen, a warm gaze and a nod along, asking follow up questions to your answers and easily getting to know you.

You asked about his daughter, his family, his work. He was happy to tell you.

“So, what’s a man like you doing being single in this city?” You take a sip of the wine in the glass in front of you, burgundy staining your bottom lip.

He takes a bite of the food in front of him, a napkin pressing to his lips quickly after. “Been busy,” he started to say, honey brown eyes meeting yours for a second. His gaze sent an electrifying pulse down your spine.

“And, well, when Sarah’s mom left there was a ton to do,” he says it nonchalantly, as if that should be something normal to happen. “House, work, school, she keeps my hands full. Hasn’t been a lot of time.” His syrupy drawl is pulling you in, you’re enticed by the way he speaks to you. So easy, warm, soft. You wonder what his hands feel like on your body, lips pressed to your neck, torso pressed against yours.

“Sorry, that’s a lot of information for a first date,” he laughs to cover the awkwardness, and quietly curses himself for going into so much detail about his precarious family situation and basically admitting to you that he hasn’t fucked anything other than his hand in the last 5 or so years.

“No, it’s okay,” you slide your hand across the table, palm up, urging him to slot his hand into it. He takes it, easily, enveloping yours. His fingers find the pulse point on your wrist. You let your eyes drift up to his, drinking in the way his chest fills out the shirt he chose.

“What’s your story?” He asks earnestly, giving your hand a squeeze. “Can’t imagine there isn’t a long line of people outside waiting to take my place, darlin’.”

You blush furiously at the nickname, and let your eyes meet his once again. “You have no idea the… mess that is out there,” the wine is calling your name to take another sip at the mere thought, but you refrain. “Certainly not too many I am interested in.”

“So, is that why you’re on a date with an old man on a beautiful summer night in Austin?”

You could tell Joel, in a twisted way, liked that you were younger than him. It made him feel younger by admission, that you’d want to spend time with him.

“You’re not that much older,” you laugh, not even believing it yourself as the words left your lips. “And I like to try new things. Don’t you like trying new things, sometimes?”

It was his turn to let his face go red at your insinuation. If only you knew how ‘new’ this really was for him, how much he was pushed out of his comfort zone right now.

You didn’t notice.

A little more polite small talk and exchanging of stories was all you could take before the tension was becoming too much. After another glass of wine and a shared plate of sky-high chocolate cake for dessert, you were enjoying his company and could tell he was enjoying yours all the same. When you met his gaze again, hands still intertwined, you could tell there was a question on the tip of his tongue.

“Would you want to…“ - a nervous pause, with a halo of lust - “come back to mine for a nightcap? I’ve got an empty house this evening.”

You couldn’t help but smirk, knowing in your heart that Joel must’ve made arrangements for his family not to be home in anticipation. He had to have planned for you, known in his heart you’d say yes.

“I’d love that.”

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾

Joel’s home is unmistakably him. It smells like a pine candle that sits near the front door and a faint aroma of laundry detergent. There’s photos everywhere, him and his daughter, his brother’s family. Big windows were letting in the twinkling lights of the city outside, the inky sky making them look brighter against its canvas.

“You have a beautiful home,” you say, although it seems a little formal for the situation. What else do you say to a grown-up in their house?

“Thank you,” he takes a bottle of whiskey from the bar cart and pours two rock glasses, handing you one. He flicks on a lamp, ambient light filling the room and painting his skin amber orange, as he joins your side by his kitchen table.

“I did a lot of the construction myself, the decorations are my daughter.” He points lazily to the trinkets on the shelves and photos on the wall. “I don’t really have a good eye for that type of stuff.”

You take a sip from the drink and it coats your throat, burning down as you suppress a cough at the taste. You nod along as he explains the design choices he made in the home, and you play along, knowing it’s likely out of anxiety.

“What about upstairs?”

Your eyes are innocent as they meet his, although you understand the implication you’re making whole-heartedly. He puts his glass down on the kitchen table and you follow his lead, his strong hand around your wrist as he leads you up the stairs wordlessly.

“It’s not anything,” - he clears his throat - “special,” he shows you around the second floor, finishing at the door of his bedroom that has been left slightly ajar.

You step in quietly, leading him inside as you take in the bedroom. Neatly folded clothes, a made bed that looks well loved. Blue sheets and fluffy pillows, big bay windows that let the moonlight in.

“I think it’s nice,” you say simply, letting yourself turn around to meet his broad frame. He looks down at you slightly, eyes meeting yours as your hand drops from his grasp and snakes around his neck. His hands come up the sides of your dress, pulling it up slightly, but landing on your waist.

“Is this okay?” He asks tentatively in the dark of the room, his lips so close to yours already you can practically taste the whiskey on his lips for yourself. You answer him by pressing your tentative lips to his, slotting them together easily.

Joel’s grip on your waist tightens momentarily as he takes you in, pulling you as close as he possibly can. He can smell the perfume on your neck and the wine on your lips from earlier, and it’s making his need for you increase tenfold.

You pull him into you as you stumble back to let your knees hit his mattress, sitting down and letting your hands come to his belt buckle. Your hands came to undo it as he pulled his t-shirt off to throw onto the floor beside him, bending down to help you pull the dress over your shoulders to meet his t-shirt.

You made quick work of his jeans, pushing them to the ground and looking up at him with a keen glance. You could see the breath making his belly rise and fall, anticipating your touch on him any second.

When your hand wrapped around the base of his cock, his breath hitched and his head rolled back. He was already half-hard only from kissing you, so a few pumps made him easily ready for your mouth.

“You’re so big,” is all you can think to say, head spinning from the sheer size of him right in front of your face. Your mouth watered at the way his hand palmed through your hair, pulling you in closer to him for some relief.

It was intoxicating to him, the way your mouth fit around his cock. Such a beautiful sight to see, your head licking and sucking at his tip, gathering spit there to lubricate him. His knees were going weak as he watched intently, no thought able to cross his mind, other than maybe how long it had been since he’d had anyone to do this with. He was going to have to pace himself if it was all like this.

Your mouth constrained around the length of him, taking him deeper and deeper with every bob of your head. Filthy sounds were filling the room now, of your eager mouth pulling him in as best you could. His hand stayed steady at the back of your head, not pushing, just softly pressed there for support. His other hand found your shoulder, pushing down your bra strap.

“God, darlin’,” was all he could choke out, using his hand to pull you off of him. Your hand lazily stroked him as you looked up at him, spit collecting at the corners of your mouth. “I’m not gonna last long if you keep doin’ that,” his laugh eased some of the tension in the room, as you took your other hand and wiped the spit away.

He leaned down, pressing a fervent kiss to your lips before using his own hands to unclasp your bra and let your breasts free. His lips traveled to the side of your neck, before he was kneeled down between your legs, sucking your nipple into his mouth. He lapped at you, all consuming, as his hand came up to grasp the other breast that wasn’t being serviced. He moaned at the noises you were making, lewd whines into the night air that only encouraged him.

His lips made their way down your body to your clothed centre, your back against his soft sheets. You looked down at him intently, watching as he pulled your panties down your legs and immediately delved into your pussy with broad strokes of his tongue.

Your body jerked upwards at the contact, hand fisting the sheet beside you as he lapped at you, like a man starved. His expert tongue found your clit easily, sucking and licking at you for what felt like hours. You thought about his heavy cock between his legs, begging to be touched, hard as ever as he licked at you desperately.

“Joel,” you whined out, feeling your hand reach down to grab at his curls and push him deeper into you. That only made him moan, one hand lazily fisting his cock as the other came up to dip a finger into you, allowing you to see stars when you screwed your eyes shut.

His fingers were so large, pressed into your core as you fucked yourself on them and his tongue in tandem. He was groaning and grunting, and you hoped his neighbours couldn’t see into the window at the desperate filth that was going on in his bedroom.

“Fuck, Joel, please,” you begged, but he had no mercy, and your orgasm was creeping up on you. He was ready to watch you come undone, pushing a second finger into you and furiously sucking on your clit. His other hand left his own pleasure and wrapped around your breast, pressing and playing with the hard nub there, pinching to provide a little bit of sting to it. It was sending you into another dimension.

“Come for me, sweetheart,” and his voice is gravely and debauched, enough to send you into your first orgasm, chanting his name and pulling on his hair. He was happily licking at you, fingers still pressing in and out as to not mess up the rhythm, as you rode out your orgasm against his face.

When you started to come down, he finally detached himself from you before standing up between your legs and pressing his broad palms to your thighs. He stayed there for a moment, cock still hard and heavy between his legs as you gazed up at him, out of breath from his work.

“You’re really good at that,” was all you could think to say, head clouded with arousal. You moved up on the bed a little, opening your legs and pressing your knees apart to show your pussy to him again.

“Please fuck me, Joel,” you breathe out, letting your hand find your own clit to rub it teasingly for him. It was still so sensitive, but the way he was looking down at you, eyes dark and stormy with need, you could almost come again just from that.

He put a knee down on the bed and crawled on top of you, his lips finding yours once again as your hands found his face. You held him there, savouring the kiss as his tongue crashed against yours, all warmth and spit and the taste of you. His hand found your breast and continued to play with your nipples, softly, coaxing more moans into his mouth from yours.

He leaned back and slipped his cock inside of you, filling you up immediately and making you gasp. He groaned into the side of your neck, tonguing the side of your ear and kissing you feverishly as he pumped in and out of you.

Your legs wrapped around his waist, pulling him impossibly close, your moans filling the room as he rocked in and out of you. He kissed your jaw and chest, before reaching down between your bodies and pressing his thick finger to your clit again, using the wetness there to draw circles around your sensitive nub.

“So pretty,” he smiles into your neck, your hand on the back of his, playing with the now-sweaty strands of hair on the nape. “So pretty for me, taking my cock,” the dirty talking is welcome as he continues to bring you closer to a second orgasm, your breath hitching once again.

“Come inside of me,” you say it like a whisper, a secret in the stillness of the room, and Joel is unsure he even heard you correctly.

“Are you sure?” He says it not accusingly, but in a way that conveys he feels like he just won the lottery.

“Yes, please, fill me up.”

You can see the way his eyes darken more, shifting so he’s on his knees and using your body to fuck himself on his thick cock. His hand continued to play with your clit, bringing you so close to your orgasm that tears pricked at the corners of your eyes. His cheeks were getting hot as he thrusted in and out furiously, and you could almost see the stress melt off of his face as he came close to his own undoing.

The white-hot feeling washes over you once again, eyes shutting before you’re back on your elbows and watching intently. Your whole body feels like it’s on fire as his thrusts become sloppy, your name pouring out of his lips like a prayer. You’re clenching around him and letting him ride out his high alongside you, slowing after his hot cum coats your walls and leaves you full of him.

He collapses on top of you, cock softening inside as you both catch your breath together. Your chests are sticky with sweat as you breathe, taking in the smell of him, and the feel of his warmth on your body.

He pulls himself from you and flops beside you, still taking a moment to admire you. You look over at him, a lazy smile on your face as your hand reaches out to caress the skin of his chest. He takes the time to run his fingertips up your arms and back as you lay there in silence together, just soaking in the moment in a post-sex glow.

“I guess I should get going,” you say after a few beats, sitting up to grab your dress off the floor. You cringe at the thought of throwing your underwear on and leaving, this being just another random hookup for you that never lead to anything. Joel was sweet.

A confused look spreads across his features and his brows knit together, before sitting up next to you at the edge of the bed.

“I mean, I don’t know how these things usually go,” he laughs, as his hand finds your lower back. “But you don’t gotta run outta here like a scared animal or somethin’.”

You look up at him again, unsure of what to do next. In your, albeit limited, experience with dating app hookups, you were expected to leave pretty much right after.

“Oh, um,” you look around the room at the soft worn-in sheets and the TV across from Joel’s bed. You take a look at him again, your eyes meeting his to match his gaze, where you can tell he’s mentally begging that you’ll stay the night.

“I mean, if you don’t mind, I’d be happy to stay.” Joel smiled lopsidedly and let his hand rub soothing circles at your lower back.

“I’ll make it worth your while,” he laughs, stepping over to go into the bathroom and warm up a cloth for the mess spilling out from between your legs. “I wouldn’t mind wakin’ up and doing all that again tomorrow.”

You laugh and lay back onto his bed as he presses the warm cloth to your pussy, his lips once again finding yours to pull you in for a sweet kiss.

You nod, sliding between the comfortable sheets as Joel runs downstairs to grab your abandoned drinks as well as a couple of bottles of ice cold water. He slips into the sheets next to you, not bothering to throw on any pajamas (not that you were complaining), and settling in beside you. After a few gulps of water, you nestled into his chest and let your hand find his tummy, resting on it as you listened to the even pattern of his breath.

“We should do this again. Like, after tomorrow morning.” you say quietly as you’re drifting in and out of sleep. His fingertips continues to slide across your arm and give you goosebumps as you snuggled closer into him, hearing a laugh exhale out of his nose and feeling a kiss press to the top of your head.

In his sleepy, deep southern drawl, he replies. “Don’t have to ask me twice, darlin’.”

#joel miller fanfic #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller smut #joel miller x reader #tlou fanfiction #joel miller x you #joel miller x y/n #joel miller x female reader #joel miller one shot #joel miller fic #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us fanfic

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incorrectbatfam · 7 months

Note

How about Bruce pranking/embarrassing/making fun of (not in a bad way) the kids as payback for their pranks/jokes?

Dick: I'm going to Wally's.

Bruce: *grunts*

Dick: *leaves*

Bruce: *makes a phone call*

Bruce: Barry, I need you and Wally to come over here for a minute.

———————

Bruce: *pats Tim's back and sticks a barcode*

Tim: What was that for?

Bruce: Just letting you know you're doing a great job, son.

[30 minutes later]

Tim: *wearing headphones*

Bruce: *walks by and scans it*

[1 hour later]

Tim: *asleep at his desk*

Bruce: *walks by and scans it*

[2 hours later]

Bruce: *walks by and scans it*

Tim: What was that beeping?

Bruce: Just my phone.

———————

Bruce: Barbara, can you help me analyze this Kryptonite sample?

Barbara: Hm... the color and texture line up with mechanically-cut Kryptonite, but something about it seems off. Where did you find it?

Bruce: The docks.

Barbara: I'm gonna need to run some tests.

Bruce: *wonders when he should tell her it's green glass*

———————

[at dinner]

Duke: *turns and talks to someone*

Bruce: *adds a scoop of mashed potatoes to Duke's plate*

Duke: *goes back to his plate*

Duke: *leaves to get a drink*

Bruce: *adds another scoop*

Duke: *comes back and keeps eating*

Duke: *drops his fork and bends down to get it*

Bruce: *adds another scoop*

Duke: Anyway, what was I saying before?

Bruce, pointing: What's that?

Duke: *looks behind him*

Bruce: *adds another scoop*

———————

Steph: Bruce, have you seen my sweater? The purple one with white flowers.

Bruce: No, sorry.

Steph: Oh, okay. No biggie.

Steph: *leaves*

Bruce: *takes the sweater to the post office*

[a couple days later]

Alfred: Miss Stephanie, there is a package for you.

Steph: Weird, I didn't order anything.

Steph: *opens it*

Steph:

———————

Cass: *lurking in the corner*

Bruce: *secretly takes a picture from above with a drone*

Bruce: *AirDrops it to her*

———————

Bruce: What do you want for the holidays?

Damian: Well, I would like another cat.

Bruce: I'll see what I can do.

[weeks later]

Damian: A bulldozer?

Bruce: Not just any bulldozer. A Cat.

———————

Jason: *parks and goes inside*

Bruce: *steals Jason's bike tires*

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yongbokkari · 1 year

Text

interrupted ₊˚. ୭̥

𖦹 pairing — bf!seungmin x reader

𖦹 word count — 1.5k+

𖦹 warnings — hurt/comfort, fluff, slight angst, veeeery small misunderstanding, pet names of babe and baby, seungmin had a bad day and accidentally released it on reader 😿🙏🏻🙏🏻

a/n — result of sentences formed on multiple of 3 am-s (also posting this at 3 am), hope you enjoyyy <33 oh and there may be a few like undercase letters lolol we'll see if i am willing to find them

You were resting on the couch, mindlessly scrolling through your phone, waiting for Seungmin to arrive. As soon as you heard the sound of keys jangling, you immediately got up and opened the door before he could even try to unlock it.

You were standing there, waiting for him to come in, but he judt stared at you as if not expecting to see you. "You're here," he said, his face full of signs of exasperation, tired after a long day at work.

"Am i not supposed to?" You joked, raising your eyebrows. but he just muttered a 'nevermind' before walking past you. "Long day?" you asked, attempting to make conversation with him, in hopes that it could distract him from the tiredness.

"Yeah. Think im gonna shower then take a nap," You had made a joke then, about him getting old and acting like an old man, attempting to lighten his mood. "Whatever," he replied to your jokes, making his way to his bedroom and you followed.

"Ah, come on. Old man can't take a joke anymore?" You giggled, poking at his sides when he just stopped in his tracks and turned to you.

"Can you just stop? I'm already having a bad enough day so you can you please stop bothering me?" He snapped, eyes tired but also glaring at you at the same time.

You were shook by the slight raise and edge to his voice so you couldn't really think of anything to reply to him. A few moments passed with you just staring at him and him you.

"Why are you even here," You heard Seungmin mutter before turning away from you, closing the bedroom door and leaving you alone.

"Right," you said to yourself. "Why am i even here?" it wasn't unusual for you to appear at Seungmin's house at random times, and he even made a spare key for you. But that didn't mean you could just come whenever you wanted to.

You gathered your things and got out of the house to drive yourself home. You weren't mad at him, far from it even. Of course you weren't, you didn't have the right to be.

You were more worried about what he said though. Were you really bothering him? Should you just stop going to his house unannounced again? You probably should. He probably just gave you a key just in case he lost his.

When you got home, you immediately started an assignment that was put on hold for quite long, hoping that it could distract you. It seemed seungmin had wanted some distance and space, so you were set on working on it until he reached out so you'd know when it was okay between you.

˖❁ˎˊ•°.

You were typing away on your laptop, earphones plugged in, slightly bobbing your head to the song playing, when you heard a knock on the door. You yelled, allowing your housemate to come in. Except it wasn't her, and when you turned back you were surprised to see your boyfriend with a frown on his face.

"Min?" You paused the song and took off your earphones, turning around to your boyfriend directly behind you. "Min, what are you doing here?"

"Why didn't you answer my texts?" He asked, ignoring your question. he looked absolutely tired, you wondered if he even got to sleep before coming here.

"Texts? My phone..." You looked around the desk you were working on, searching for your phone, discovering that it was on your bed. So you walked over to pick it up to check your notifications but the screen remained dark as you pressed the power button. "Ah... my battery ran out," You lightly chuckled, looking at Seungmin.

"Why didn't you charge your phone then?" He asked, his facial expression serious. It almost scared you how serious he looked, worrying if he had texted you about something important.

"I didn't notice my battery was low... and i was using my laptop for work, so i didn't check," You gestured to the laptop sitting on the desk. "Did you have something important to tell me? I'm so sorry Min, for not being there, I-" Your words were cut off when seungmin just pulled you in for a hug. You immediately wrapped your arms around his waist.

"So you're not ignoring me?" He asked. Usually, you were the one who had to reach up slightly to hug him since he always insisted on seeing you on the tip of your toes. But this time it was him who lowered his body, tucking his chin on your shoulder, wrapping his arms around your waist.

"Min, why would i ignore you?" You asked, genuinely curious as to how he had come to that thought. Then he sighed, as if relieved his worries were only what-ifs afterall. You started to rub his back then, and he had started to give in to your body warmth, almost letting his whole weight fall into your care.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said what I did."

You racked your brains for a while, honestly having forgotten about what happened back at his house.

"Oh, that? You don't need to apologize, Min. You were tired, I understand."

"No, it was unreasonable. I shouldn't have let my tiredness out on you," He insisted.

"Then it's fine, I forgive you," you replied, to which he silently thanked you by placing a soft kiss on your shoulder, still not breaking the hug. "But... do you really think so?" He hummed, questioning what you meant. "Do i really bother you?" he slowly pulled away, looking at your face.

"I won't get mad or upset Min, i promise. I don't want you to ever feel uncomfortable because of me. So just tell me what you feel, and I'll act on it, I promise." You said, holding his hands in yours, affirming him that whatever his reply was, you were going to be fine and it won't cause even a slight damage to the relationship, if that was what he was worried about.

He only looked at you then, eyes darting from your left eye to the right, back and forth, mouth a bit downturned, and you were starting to get afraid that what you said made him upset when he cradled your left cheek in his hand.

"You're so good to me," he muttered, frown slightly deepening. "No, i didn't mean it, I don't know why I said that," he threw his head back and blew from his mouth, like he always did when he was about to but didn't want to cry.

He hugged you again pressing his nose even more into the crook of your neck, his eyebrows furrowing at his efforts to not cry. "I'm so sorry babe. You'd never be a bother to me, never. I- I love it when you wait for me to come home, I always do, but today I just- Today was so hard that I just-" He choked on his own breath so you pat his back, trying to get him to calm down. After gaining a steady breathing again, he asked, "Did I hurt you?"

"Well... A bit, but I knew you would never say that without a reason. My sweet boy would never," You chuckled, your hands patting his head, your fingers going through his hair.

He pulled away, meeting your eyes. "I'm so sorry," His eyes were slightly red, the bags under his eyes more prominent now you were seeing them upclose.

"Don't cry, Min, it's okay," You wiped the tears stained on his cheeks, caressing his under eyes. "Did you get any sleep? You look tired, my poor baby," You coo, trying to lighten the mood.

He shook his head. "I couldn't. Was thinking of you," Your heart ached at his soft eyes looking at yours like a puppy lost.

"Oh baby," He leaned into your hand that was cradling his cheek. "Should we get some now? Hm?" When he nodded, you continued, "You go lay down first, I'll go turn off my laptop."

As soon as you reached the bed, Seungmin took you in his arms, your head resting on his chest while one of his hands was on your waist, the other in your hair. Yours were wrapped tightly around his waist, melting into his warm embrace, contrast to your cold skin.

Suddenly he took one of your hands, his thumb caressing the back of it. "Thank you, Y/n, for always thinking of me... I love you."

You raised your head to look at him. "I love you too, Min." You pecked his lips, smiling softly, before laying your head atop his chest again. "Now sleep. Who should I look at after this if you really do turn into an old man?"

He lightly chuckled, pressing a kiss onto the top of your head, as you slowly drift into sleep, hand in hand.

Seungmin wanted to show you how in love with you he was. Everything about you he adored and cherished and he was always on the verge of combusting from how much love for you he contains. Maybe someday that day will come, but for now he'll slowly take small steps into making that moment come true.

#seungmin #kim seungmin #seungmin skz #seungmin imagines #skz #stray kids #seungmin fluff #seungmin hurt/comfort #seungmin scenarios #kim seungmin scenarios #skz x reader #stray kids x reader #stray kids fluff #skz fluff #skz angst #case 148

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cherubfae · 3 months

Note

I'm the anon who asked if you write for mammon and adam. I just sent the ask in, but regardless of your reply i was wondering of you could write the hazbin cast +helluva boss cast (the ones you write obviously) with a super sleepy slot like s/o? Like they sleep all the dam time and are still tired as hell, so tired they literally fall to the ground while walking in silence for too much, they sit down for a second and go out cold. They move so slow it's incredible, theyre always super clingy and always hanging on by their shoulder, It's very concerning.

lmao this made me cackle. Here ya go, sweets! Apologies if you wanted something serious, I literally couldn't 😭😭 just had lunch with my mama to celebrate her belated bday and I'm very full

sloth!like partner || hazbin/helluva boss x reader

tags: fluff, comedy, this is probably mostly crack lmao, established relationships

Alastor

Okay but remember him with the Egg Bois? That's essentially him waiting for you to get ready for your date. What feels like an eternity was only roughly thirty seconds. He hopes you haven't fallen asleep in the bathroom.

"Dearest... I could just teleport you to places with my shadow provided I'm somewhere near." He suggests. It takes him a while to get used to any sort of physical contact so he's not crazy about the clinginess and does what he can to establish boundaries if and when he feels comfortable doing so.

Lucifer

Haha! You're so adorable! He actually quite likes having you on his arm, though sometimes not literally. It's comical watching you climb him and then slowly lose your energy halfway to his shoulders and slow-motion crash land towards the ground. Rinse and repeat.

Husk

By now he's quite used to you falling asleep, especially on him. You tucker yourself out so easily, he wonders what tricks Belphegor has up their sleeves lately. Husk loves you for who you are, but he is rather curious if there's anything that can cure or at least lessen your narcoleptic behaviors.

Angel Dust

Constantly cracking jokes and puns. Some of them can come off as a little mean though it's never intended to hurt your feelings. Though, he does know not to make the 'slow-burn romance' jokes every time you guys have a date night.

Vox

He's gotten used to you being constantly sleepy and rather sluggish. He does wonder if you are, in fact, a Hellborn from Sloth instead of a Sinner sometimes or if you drew the short straw. Vox is typically okay if you're constantly sleepy and a bit sluggish, but he is a fast-paced guy and likes all aspects of his life to progress at a decent speed; romance included.

Blitzø

Deadass he's watching you slowly drag yourself face-down along the ground with a soft skrrrr skrrrr along the cement. Honestly he's surprised you made it on Earth as long as you did. This was amusing but the more you, literally, drag on Blitz isn't sure what he should do. He's probably gonna start driving everywhere. Gotta keep pollutin' bb.

Loona

With how often you sleep, Loona isn't sure how you still manage to be so tired all the time. It honestly perplexes her but she's learned to roll with it. If you're moving too slowly for her liking, she'll pick you up and carry you off like royalty-- or if you're small like Millie, Loona is gonna commit you to her backpack transit indefinitely.

Striker

|| I DON'T GIVE PERMISSION FOR MY WORKS TO BE REPOSTED, RESHARED, OR EDITED. TUMBLR IS MY ONLY ACCOUNT AND THE ONLY PLACE WHERE I POST MY WRITING. ALL CHARACTERS BELONG TO THEIR RIGHTFUL OWNERS, THE STORY BELONGS TO ME. || CHERUBFAE © 2024

"Ya'llright, darlin'?" He asked with a raised brow. You just ate shit and aren't currently really doing anything about getting back into the upright position. Striker's tail swishes curiously and he gently prods you with his boot, heaving a sigh when you move.

#hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel imagines #hazbin imagines #hazbin hotel x you #helluva boss x you #helluva boss imagines #helluva boss x reader #alastor x reader #hazbin lucifer x reader #lucifer morningstar x reader #angel dust x reader #husk x reader #vox x reader #blitz x reader #loona x reader #cherubfae 2024

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ooffmlsorry · 6 months

Text

OP Men Dating a "Girly Girl"

A/N: sorry this took so long and I haven't posted anything original in a minute my life is mess and I'm so very tired jfc...I know this isn't more than my usual group but I was just gonna stop at Luffy and then decided to add Ace and Sabo as a thank you because writing these and putting them on Tumblr has been really good for me, so thank you for always being here to indulge me 🥲 ❤️

Sanji, Zoro, Law, Luffy, Ace, Sabo

Sanji

Let's be honest, girly-girls drive Sanji craaaazzzzyy (not that all women don't, but he's definitely more partial to the feminine ones) Your make-up, pretty skirts and dresses, jewelry, and manicure, he can't help fawn over you constantly 😍Although you do it because you enjoy it, it's nice that your efforts are so appreciated!!

He spoils you soooo baaaddd!! He literally can't help himself when he sees something pretty or cute that reminds him of you, he has to get it for you. You're drowning in squishmallows at this point.

A river of blood shoots from him every time you show off a new outfit. You're going to kill him and he'll thank you for it.

Dressing up in nice outfits together, especially on date night, is a shared activity that you love to do together. Y'all are living your best happily ever after lives.

Ya'll definitely have scheduled self-care nights. You put on some slow music, open a bottle of wine, draw a bubble bath, all that.

He's utterly useless when it comes to helping you pick your outfits or makeup if you're stuck because he loves you in everything, it's too hard for him to pick. You're his perfect, beautiful Y/N-swaaaaan 😍💖💖✨

He does love to see you in pink or red though so he might default to those colors

Don't try to test your makeup on him lol, you're going to re-awaken the gender identity crisis...I mean Kamabakka trauma

Listen...I'm not saying Sanji has a mommy kink...I'm not even at Whole Cake Island so idk wtf is going on there. All I'm saying is if you give this man a bath, wrap him in a towel to dry him off, and rub him down with luxurious lotions and oils, you might awaken something...that's all...👀

ZORO

He has no clue wtf you're doing. If it weren't for the fact that there's no proof that witches exist in this world, he'd think you are one

He looks at your vanity full of serums, creams, scrubs, lotions, etc, not to mention the makeup and he's like "??????" Just completely baffled

But what do you expect? This man would use that five-in-one Irish Spring soap if he could.

Just because he doesn't understand it doesn't mean he doesn't appreciate and admire the fact that you have extensive knowledge in something he can't even comprehend

He knows you like nice shiny things, and again, while he doesn't get it, he does think it's really, really cute when you go starry-eyed over a necklace or an outfit in a store.

In the same vein, he knows how much you love cute things and animals. He has absolutely found a cute animal in the jungle, picked it up, and brought it to you just to show you because he knew you'd love it.

Sometimes in his own gruff way he'll agree with you that it's pretty cute. Thank you for helping this manly man admit things are cute and that's okay.

Other times, he's the one making sure you don't get distracted because it's so cute

Unfortunately and fortunately, you're pretty to him no matter what you do to yourself so it's all kind of a moot point to him.

You can try to ask him about which 'x' to wear, sometimes it's helpful because he'll throw out a really practical answer and then other times he's like "How 'bout you just go naked" 😏.

He'll wear a face mask with you like...twice a year. And he's going to bitch and moan about it but he does it because he loves you. The entire process is like trying to give a cat a bath "WHY IS IT SO COLD? THIS STAYS ON MY FACE FOR HOW LONG???"

Exfoliate this man at your own risk...I'm dead serious that water is going to be brown

LAW

I need you to know right now this man will let you paint his nails!!! I mean, not like gel or acrylics or anything, but he'll let you paint them any color as long as it's a dark shade of that color. You once designed Bepo on his middle fingers. He did in fact flip people off a lot more often when he had them.

Let's you wear a pastel boiler suit because you he loves you and wants to see you happy

Much like Zoro, he's got no clue what you're doing. He'll stand back and watch you while making the exact same face as the gif above.

He thinks he's being stealthy peaking around a corner to watch your morning or night routine, but you quickly catch on. Please please pleeaaassee ask him if he has any questions because he does. He's just really curious why you're doing what you're doing and what it does. It's basically skin medicine and he's really fascinated.

Knowing that you like shiny things makes his life admittedly a little easier, it's not that he doesn't think of what to gift you, he puts A LOT of thought into what he gives you, but knowing that earrings, necklaces, and bracelets always make you happy is great just in case of analysis paralysis or he forgets. Sorry.

Also you wearing the jewelry he gets you does something to him, especially a necklace he can pull on a little, mmhhm you're making this man struggle with impure thoughts.

You both love cute things, it's something y'all connect on. It's really good that you help him access that very neglected inner child of his and encourage him to coo and fawn over adorable animals with zero reservation.

He'll do skincare with you too when he's not super busy. He can admit it's kind of nice to sit in bed with a book, glass of wine, and a face mask and just bask for a minute

He acts like he hates when you rub serums across his face and use a derma roller on him but he loves it

Law doesn't really pay attention to your clothes, but when you really go all out he breaks out in a sweat and he can't keep his eyes off you.

LUFFY

I'm not saying he thinks it's stupid, it just...why have an hours long care routine when you could be going on adventure with him??? 😭😭😭

He will help you pick out your makeup but don't expect it to look good. You're gonna end up with neon orange eyeshadow and green lipstick. Like literally every "My Boyfriend Does My Makeup" youtube video.

Plays around with your stuff but that's because he has no idea what all these strange contraptions are. The moment you try to explain his eyes glaze over and next thing you know he's whisking you away to go do something more fun.

He likes the shiny bright stuff (highlighter), makeup probably is the only part he even remotely engages in because it's

Explain how contour works to this man and watch him lose his fucking mind, he thinks you're a shape shifter now (honestly this applies to all of them except Law and maybe Sanji)

He never notices what you wear, Nami is gonna have smack him on the back of the head to get him to realize you put on something fancy

Luffy points out everything, it just so happens that things he points out sometime happen to be cute animals

Hides in all the stuffed animals and squishmallows in your room to surprise attack hug you

*throws mud at you* "Is this the kind of mud you like, Y/N??" He really means well though.

You know those hair masks with all natural ingredients like honey and banana? Yeah, he's gonna start sucking on your hair like spaghetti...I'm so sorry.

He'll bathe with you but that's because he wants to be close to you, it's definitely not about being pampered or relaxing.

Try to put a face mask on him or something else and it'll just become a game of tag around the Sunny. You can't catch him and he's having a great time outrunning and outwitting you.

He knows this is all important to you so even though he doesn't get it he'd never make fun of you for it and the moment someone calls you "extra," he's kicking their ass.

ACE

Maybe all the glam is a little silly to him but that just makes you extra cute!

He will also absolutely let you paint his nails. Hell, he'll let you do a full beat on him just for fun and he'll wear it for the whole day because he's so unserious lol

...As long as he gets to do your makeup after...Much like Luffy you're gonna be covered in neon colors that don't even remotely match, but you guys have a great time lol

Admittedly likes to be pampered by you when he gets back from a long mission.

Please take a bubble bath with this man, it's not like the water is ever going to get cold!

I'm pretty sure you'd legitimately lead to Ace taking better care of himself. Got this man out here talking about his cuticles and shit lol

Honestly, it's really good for him because self care leads to self love and Ace needs a lot of help with that.

He tells Pops about all the stuff you do 1.) because he loves you and 2.) he hopes some of it will help Whitebeard heal a little, god bless him 😢

All of your hardwork doesn't go unnoticed, he legitimately gets kind of misty eyed when you really dress up because he's so so so lucky. He swears he doesn't deserve you.

He always brings back some kind of gift even whether it's a cute plushie or something exotic to wear from all of his long travels

I need to stress how much this means to him, everyone of these things is like a little proposal because he already knows you're it. Every little gift is leading up to a ring from this man.

He's also just genuinely impressed by the skill it takes to do your makeup so well, especially after he tries doing it on you

Much like his little brother unfortunately, he does play with all the little contraptions in your vanity, especially in the beginning because have you seen an eyelash curler? He's so confused lol

SABO

Sabo and Ace truly are his brothers because he really don't get all the effort lol

Admittedly, a lot of that is because he thinks you're so hot already what's the point???

Once he gets this is just how you are he's less confused, he's probably the most normal out everyone. He lets you do your thing, although he's really curious how you managed to always look amazing while being in the fucking revolutionary army!!?? Where are you getting the time???

If someone were to intrude on y'all on a free afternoon you're both in fluffy robes with face masks on and Sabo loves to pretend to act like a bitch when he's in selfcare mode with you lol

"Are you seriously bothering us right now, ugh! I can't even right now!!" And then you both break out in laughter

He really thinks you should teach others how to contour and do makeup because it has great applications for disguises and infiltration.

And brags about your skills to everyone

Wonders how many of your makeup supplies could actively be used as a weapon *eye roll* jfc Sabo

There's a part of you that secretly worries all your boujieness will remind him of his blood relatives, but he assures you that it doesn't because you have a good heart and he never doubts that

Besides, being a little extra with him helps him associate those things he used to associate with his blood relatives with you instead so it's even better

He spoils you so bad, but with a Sabo-flair, ie. stealing from shitty people and bringing it back to you because you're oh so more deserving of nice things let's be honest

He gets jealous of the cute animals that you squeal over hehehe, please hug him when he starts pouting

He'll always wear a little pink just for you ❤️

#one piece #one piece x reader #one piece x reader headcanon #luffy x reader #law x reader #sanji x reader #zoro x reader #ace x reader #sabo x reader

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vaspider · 7 months

Text

Since I just turned off reblogs on another post that quickly went from "let's have fun" to "this is fucking awful, I'm taking away this toy," please read this BlueSky thread from rahaeli, who I don't think is on here.

Most of it I've c/p for ease of readability bc BSky's threading sucks.

Okay, it's time again to talk about what the experience of having a social media account with a bunch of followers (*) is like. (* "a bunch" of followers is platform dependent. I'm getting irritating shit at 2k on Bluesky I didn't get until 10k on Twitter.)

(Ugh, wait, nevermind, I hit 3k while I wasn't looking. Anyway.) Someone who has never had more than 100 followers literally cannot comprehend the sheer volume of the responses you get. Even if individual posts don't get a ton of replies, if you post with any frequency, it accumulates.

Once you hit the first degradation threshold, your experience gets a little bit shittier. It's overwhelming volume, but the people who are following you are mostly ideologically, socially, and culturally aligned to you. You have the same concept of social media manners.

You'll get a few duplicate comments, because nobody reads the comments before they reply, but they're mostly from cool people, so you just roll your eyes a little at the same joke five times. You still make friends. You still have fun and can wind up finding neat new people.

And then those neat new people retweet your stuff, and it starts reaching out to an audience of people who are less aligned with what you think of as social media manners. You start getting some replies you find obnoxious: they're in good faith, you can tell, but they just grate on you sometimes.

And then *those* people start reposting your more viral threads, and you get people following you who are three degrees of separation from the people you are most likely to vibe with. And three degrees of separation is the second degradation threshold.

The second degradation threshold is where you start getting the constant, low-grade sand-in-a-pearl annoyances. The person who wants to argue with everything. The 15 people making the identical shitty "joke" that's actually just doing the exact thing you're complaining about, "ironically".

The people who look at a post that contains no question marks and think "there is an implied question here and I will answer it!" and leap to offer the most basic advice that you already thought of because you have existed for more than three seconds and can, in fact, think of the obvious answers.

The people who are spoiling for a fight no matter what, because you used one word in the post that is their particular berserk button and they're going to scream at you for hating waffles because you said you like pancakes even though you never mentioned waffles.

It is constant. It is never-ending. You cannot escape it. Every time you post anything at all, opening the app means wading through twenty garbage replies for every reply from someone who is actually cool and you'd vibe with just fine if you chatted with them.

You want to bitch about a minor annoyance? There will be 40 people all giving you the same useless advice. You want to squee about something you're enjoying that's making you happy? There will be 40 people coming to scold you because that thing isn't morally pure enough.

Every post. Every day. About 75% of the time you compose a post, you will get halfway through writing it and think "I can't deal with the replies this will get today" and delete it. You stop talking about things you enjoy, because you're tired of people shitting on them.

You stop complaining about the tiny annoyances in your life that you want to bitch about, because weirdly enough you already HAVE tried the first fifteen obvious suggestions you're going to get, and you don't want to spend an hour explaining why they won't work to everyone who's "helping".

(But you can't just ignore the "helpful" posts and not engage with them, because then you start getting accusations of being "elitist" and "standoffish" and jesus, lady, we're just trying to help here, why do you have to be so fucking rude and stuck-up, you full of yourself bitch.)

If you are any less gracious to the 40th person than that person thinks they deserve, there is a very good chance they're going to call you a cunt and drag allot their friends in to dogpile you and make the site unusable for at least three days.

The third degradation threshold is when you start needing to regularly call your local police department and politely remind them there are people who get very mad at you online and will try very hard to have you murdered by armed agents of the state and you'd appreciate it if they didn't do that.

I first had that conversation with my local police department in 2003. It's gotten faster now, at least? You usually don't have to start by explaining what social media even is.

Bluesky has tighter thresholds than Twitter did. On Twitter it was nicely exponential: the breakpoints were around 1k, 10k, 100k. Bluesky is running faster. I'm getting Twitter 10k annoyances at a Bluesky 3k. I am trying very, very hard not to switch over into Twitter 10k defensive posting.

I want to leave the defensive posting back on Twitter. I really do. I want to be able to bitch about a thing without having to wade through 20 "go try [extremely obvious thing]". I want to post about a thing I enjoy without 20 people yelling at me I'm bad for enjoyjng it.

There's a difference between arguing about an idea (which I love) and the onslaught of constantly infuriating replies plucking at your last goddamn nerve. And the more "last goddamn nerve" replies you get, the crankier you are, and then people lose their shit at you because you snapped at them.

So maybe let's all start keeping a few principles in mind: 1) if there's more than one reply, check to see if your point has already been covered. If it has, you don't need to repeat it.

2) Even the funniest joke gets old after the 20th time you hear it in 3 hours.

3) "I'm going to jokingly do the exact thing you just were complaining about because ha ha the real joke is I would never do that asshole thing" is never funny, and it is indistinguishable from you actually doing the asshole thing.

4) If there is no question mark in the tweet, think twice about offering "helpful" advice unless you and the poster know each other *mutually*, not just parasocially, you know it's likely to be new info for them, and you ask "do you want to hear how I handle this?" first and get an affirmative.

5) If you are going to ignore 4, ask yourself "is this a suggestion that someone with a reasonable level of generalized adult knowledge would think of trying within the first 15 minutes of approaching the problem?" If so, do not suggest it.

6) Do you really need to nitpick that grammar, spelling, or word choice? Did you understand what they were trying to say before autocorrect mangled it or they blanked on the exact word they wanted and found a close one? If you understood the meaning, don't be their volunteer copyeditor.

7) Is someone excited about a thing you hate? Are they having fun with the thing? Is the thing a front for white supremacist recruiting or organizing the overthrow of the US government? If the answers are yes, yes, and no, respectively, shut the fuck up and let people enjoy things.

8) We are all occasionally That Commenter. If someone you have a pre-existing relationship with replies to you and lets you know you're being That Commenter, it's because they have a positive enough impression of you they don't want to go straight to block. Treat this like the warning sign it is.

9) It deserves repeating: remember the Law of Large Numbers. Even if you only commented once, you may be the hundredth irritating comment that person got that day. Bluesky's terrible threading makes this worse: people don't keep a single thread of mounting crankiness the way they did on Twitter.

9a) If someone's top tweet sounds really annoyed at something, maybe check their timeline or follow back their nested self-QTs to see what level of irritable they're at and over what so you don't step straight on the same rakes they've been dodging all day.

10) However, remember that BSky also doesn't show replies made by people the OP has blocked in a thread. If they post about a pattern that's making them cranky and you look and don't see anything, they probably already blocked the worst of it. They still saw it in their mentions in order to block.

I really cannot overstate how absolutely exhausting and soul-destroying the experience of having a large account can be. It's also somehow still rewarding, or we wouldn't do it. But especially if you're a woman or a person of color or a female POC, that balance is really, really close most days.

And of course, the ones who stay are the ones who do find it still rewarding enough to keep doing it despite the constant irritations.

From here, the thread moves into a conversation about stuff specific to BlueSky, but the majority of the thread is truly applicable to Tumblr as well.

You may be the first person to comment "op lives on a planet without music," or "op has never heard of [thing OP didn't mention for whatever reason]," but you're probably not, and at a certain point, it becomes like someone tapping a sunburn.

So yeah.

#how to tumblr #other people's words

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juicedaloe · 10 months

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Mithrun and brain damage

I'm not sure if anyone is interested in this, but I wanted to make a post talking about why I think that Mithrun has brain damage from a traumatic brain injury instead of him being a representation of other neurological disorders or mental illness. I'm not that involved in the dunmesh fandom so I don't know how common this headcanon is, though I've seen a few people mention it here and there.

This is just my own opinion so if you disagree then that's fine. Some of this is just speculation and I can't say what Kui's intentions were. This post isn't meant to be that serious. I just wanted to talk about it and hopefully inform about how brain damage can affect some people in a way that I hope is interesting and relevant.

This will be kind of long because I like to talk so it will be under the cut. Apologies for the length and how much I ramble. Feel free to give input especially if I got anything wrong or if this is too confusing.

Okay let's go

Traumatic brain injury (TBI) is incredibly complex. The long-term effects of a TBI include a wide array of symptoms. Each injury is different, and some people can completely recover rather quickly while others can become permanently disabled, even for seemingly "minor" injuries. What I'll cover here isn't a definitive representation of the experiences of all those who have long-term effects from TBI, nor do I speak for everyone with brain damage.

Here are some long term symptoms relevant to this post:

Alexithymia (inability to process and name emotions)

Inability to process and name physical perceptions

Mood swings and emotional regulation difficulties

Communication difficulties

Social impairment

Apathy about caring for oneself

Lack of motivation

Alexithymia and inability to process physical perceptions

This one is rather obvious. While Mithrun is shown to feel emotions and have physical sensations (for instance, describing his location when he gets lost in the dungeon as "a cold place"), he is also apathetic to how this affects him. This means that his physical and emotional perceptions are reduced in some way. He says that becoming lord of the dungeon will leave someone "empty", showing he is aware of his dulled emotional state.

A good example of this is can be seen here in a bonus comic where he doesn't give much of a reaction to burning his mouth on hot food.

(I love these two a lot, by the way. Pattadol is really under appreciated.)

He is also not able to recognize bodily signals, such as hunger or when he is tired. Despite collapsing from exhaustion and not eating for long periods of time, he still insists he is not tired or hungry.

Mood swings

Mood swings in combination with alexithymia can be an especially disorientating experience. Those who struggle to perceive their own emotions can still feel them even if they don't know how to recognize it.

Individuals with brain injuries often experience drastic mood swings, particularly anger. To those around them, they can appear to go from 0 to 100 in an instant.

This is more speculation/headcanon on my part, as the strongest emotion Mithrun has for most of his appearances is anger. However one could interpret this as being unrelated as he is seeking revenge for a traumatic experience.

Communication difficulties and social impairment

Not only can naming personal experiences be incredibly difficult with a brain injury, but other areas of communication are often affected as well.

Mithrun is not able to set boundaries for himself even if someone is doing something he would not actually want them to do, which can leave him in a vulnerable position.

People with brain injuries can sometimes have a paradoxical experience when it comes to communicating with others. They can go from being very quiet to speaking at length about one topic, seemingly without regard for the importance of each bit of information. (I see it like Newton's first law of motion. It is hard to start speaking and it can be just as hard to stop.)

I really like this aspect of Mithrun's characterization. Usually, he is very quiet because he has no reason to speak. However, once he starts talking he is shown to be overly specific and goes on for long periods of time. Kabru has to spend multiple days figuring out his story.

In a side comic, Kabru tells Mithrun he should condense some of the personal details that Kabru finds irrelevant to the topic of the dungeon.

Mithrun shares many details about himself because his desire not to do so is gone. This mirrors the experience of many people who have brain damage to overshare and not understand how their words will come across to others. Sometimes they say or do things that are insensitive or inappropriate for the situation.

Caring for oneself and motivation

In the dungeon, Mithrun becomes reliant on others for self care. He also seems especially incapable of motivating himself to take care of his body when he is particularly focused on his goals.

In these panels, thus far he had been fairly receptive of Kabru trying to take care of him. However, he could sense that the demon was close and was too focused on that to care to eat.

Refusal of care and treatment is often an effect of traumatic brain injury. This can be for seemingly no reason, even if the person knows that this will help them. Sometimes people will lie about receiving treatment or doing things to take care of themselves, either so they can avoid it or avoid having someone take care of them.

He knows that eating regularly and not pushing himself too much will help him - he's been told multiple times on-screen - but he still has to be continuously told by others to give him that motivation to take care of himself. He's very apathetic to his physical state, even if it seems his only desire is for revenge and he should be doing anything he can to achieve that.

Other things of note

I wasn't sure where to put this, but while Mithrun's sense of direction is speculated by Kabru to be left over from his time as lord of an ever-changing, confusing dungeon, having poor sense of direction in the way he does could also be indicative of brain injury as well.

While the dungeon is confusing and illogical, he is known to have a poor sense of direction and to get frequently lost by those around him, even trying to exit an entrance he just came through. He is shown to be very intelligent, but memory is greatly impacted by brain injuries which affects a person's sense of direction and location.

Something that really stands out to me about Mithrun is how much the things that help him are particularly helpful to those with brain damage. He is physically capable of performing tasks, but he needs an outside source to remind him and get him started. He relies entirely on routine, and when that regularity is taken away he shows extreme difficulty taking care of himself.

Sometimes, the care that some people need is simply someone else to encourage them or to tell them when to do things. The care that he needs is pretty consistent with a person with a brain injury who does not need a full time caretaker and would prefer to have some independence.

Also, healing magic is specified to not work with brain injury unless the person is killed and revived. Mithrun had not been revived after his injuries, so it is entirely possible for him to have sustained a TBI. I don't think this matters that much because one is still allowed to have headcanons even if there is a magical explanation or isn't really possible in canon, but I thought it was an interesting detail.

In conclusion

Because of all this I don't believe that his lack of self care is due solely to mental illness. While mental illnesses like depression or PTSD can cause a decline in self care, the reasons why the affected individual is avoidant of these tasks differs. These disorders can also cause cognitive difficulties and emotional regulation issues, but not to the same extent or in the same way that brain damage would. I think that he does have both depression and PTSD (both are common after a TBI) but those are not his only disabilities.

And on a personal note, I just think that having a character with brain damage is really cool. Most of the time I've seen it the characters are not given very much respect and they are treated as comic relief and a joke. Regardless of whether you agree with this post or not, it is still nice to see a character with a disability like this.

Thank you if you read all of this. I hope it was easy to understand and I did not ramble too much. I don't have anything else to say but I've been wanting to write this out for a while.

Okay bye

#Dungeon Meshi #Mithrun

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yourlocaljonghoe · 4 months

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Best Friend!Ateez and you sharing a bed - Scenario. || OT8.

Summary: Unexpectedly, you're forced to share a bed with your best friend. What will happen when you realize there's so much more than friendship between you?

Pairing: OT8!Ateez (individually) x Reader

Genre: Fluff, Suggestive (18+, mdni!!)

Wordcount: 7.1k

Warnings: Dirty thoughts, kissing, alcohol consumption, allusion to sex (yet nothing too explicitly), grinding against each other, mentions of erections and feeling horny

A/N: Hello, I'm back with my first ot8 post! This was requested by @foxinnie8, I really hope you like this <33 I struggled a lot finding a scenario for each of our boys, but it ultimately was a good challenge for me and I enjoyed writing it a lot! Big thank you to my little assistant and bestie @yunho-mp3 for helping me and constantly listening to my rambling, ily!! Please like, comment and reblog and if you want more scenarios go ahead and request! Divider credits to @firefly-graphics!

Taglist: @yunho-mp3, @kyukyustar, @hwapetals, @foxinnie8, @preciouswoozi

Park Seonghwa

With a scream caught in your throat and sweat on your brow,you bolted upright in the bed after another terrifying nightmare. As your heart raced and your breathing quickened, you tried to shake off the remnants of the haunting images that seemed to grip your mind. With trembling hands, you reached for the glass of water on the bedside table and took a long sip, willing yourself to calm down. The dim glow of the moonlight filtering through your curtains illuminated the familiar surroundings of your room, providing some small comfort in the midst of unease. Gradually, as the adrenaline began to dissipate and your body started to relax once more, you determinedly pushed away thoughts of those nightmares.

Hwa, your heart earned.

Let him sleep, your mind screamed instead.

“Fuck it”, you muttered. You needed your best friend, and you needed him now.

With a deep breath, you reluctantly swung your legs over the edge of the bed and padded quietly across the cool floorboards to the door. As you reached for the doorknob, your hand hesitated for a moment before you swallowed your pride and turned it slowly. Stepping into the dimly lit hallway, you made your way to your best friend's room, barely making a sound as you navigated through the darkness. When you reached his door, you paused for a moment, inhaling deeply and exhaling slowly in an attempt to steady your nerves. Then, with a gentle knock on the door, you whispered his name, still somewhat unwilling to disturb his peaceful slumber but needing his reassuring presence more than anything else at that moment.

And there he laid, the most beautiful man you called your best friend, bare chest barely covered with a blanket, his soft body screaming both comfort and sexiness. As you stood there, unable to think clearly, completely entranced and suddenly very, very aware of how attractive Park Seonghwa really was - not that you didn't know, but goddamn - the man was pulled from his slumber, and he slowly opened his eyes, a mixture of confusion and concern appeared right on his handsome face. As he registered your presence and caught sight of your disheveled appearance, understanding dawned, and he immediately pushed aside the blanket to make room for you.

“Come here, angel”, he softly whispered, his smile reaching his tired eyes.

Your breath hitched in your throat, and all of a sudden, it was too much. Taking a step back, your back hit the door with a harsh thud, and Seonghwa looked more confused than ever.

“I-i can't. I'm sorry, I don't know why I came here, I-I should go-”

Seonghwa sat up quickly, his expression turning from confusion to concern. "No, wait," he insisted gently, reaching out a hand towards you. "You don't have to go. It's okay, I'm here for you." The sincerity in his voice made your heart ache.

How could you tell him that you weren't ashamed of sharing your emotions with him, but scared of what you wanted to do to him right now, while he stood before you, bare chest on full display, in a dark room, just the two of you alone…

Just minutes ago, you were shaken up by a terrible, frightening nightmare, and now, all you wanted was to get your brains blown out by your shy, pretty roommate.

“H-hwa”, you whispered, yet it sounded more like a desperate whimper, a plea for him to take care of you, to take your mind off those terrible scenes from your dream.

And he understood, his cheeks blushing, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he searched your eyes for any sort of doubt, but you knew he'd found none.

“Y/N, we should-”

“-talk, I know, Hwa. Let's talk tomorrow, please. I need you, and I need you now. T-tomorrow we can talk, sort it all out, but now I just… please take care of me, Seonghwa.”

Just seconds later, you laid on his bed, his figure hovering above you. Both of you were breathing heavily, nervous, yet ready for each other, as far as you could tell from his ominous erection pressing against you.

His fingers flirted with the hem of your sweater. “C-can I touch you?”

His voice was hoarse and nervous, and you felt the same way too, so you took his hand in yours, squeezing it reassuringly. You really, really wanted this.

“Yes, Hwa. Anywhere.”

He moved closer, licking the rim of your ear. “Anywhere? Really?"

“Really.”

Twisting your neck, you pulled his mouth to you for a brief, wet kiss, sucking his tongue until his vision turned white around the edges.

You let out a choked sound, and he paused. “Okay?”

“Yes.” Your hips tipped, pressing yourself tighter against his hand. “Please.”

He lifted his head for a moment, raising himself up on his arms enough to make eye contact, and you groaned at the sudden absence of that incredibly talented tongue.

“Everything okay?” His mouth was wet from your kiss, his pupils wide and dark. “If I do something you don’t like, just tell me. Or if you want me to stop-”

“Don't stop, Park Seonghwa”, you moaned, pulling him close to you again,”don't you dare stop tonight. Or ever again.”

Kim Hongjoong

“So… seems like we'll have to share a bed.”

“Well, looks like we don't have much of a choice, huh?” Hongjoong said with a friendly smile, trying to lighten the mood. “I promise I won't hog the blankets. We can just put some pillows between us, I guess. It's just for one night, it'll be fine.”

You tried to play it cool, tried to appear as calm as he was right now, but the idea of sharing a bed with your friend made your cheeks turn a little pink. "Yeah, no worries," you replied, hoping to sound casual. After all, you two were just friends, right?

If only your stupid heart knew that as well.

Today, the two of you went to an art exhibition in another city, a trip you've been excited for awhile now. Hongjoong loved art and fashion and asked you specifically to accompany him and you, of course, did happily without hesitation, deeply enjoying the beautiful art displayed there and his cute rambling about his favorite pieces. It was a delightful evening you two spent together, with lots of banter and laughter.

Well, and then the two of you forgot the time and ended up in the only motel that had a room available. So here you were now, both in your fancy clothes from the exhibition, contemplating the awkward situation of having to share a single bed. It's not exactly the most ideal circumstance, but whatever, you had to live with it now.

You both quickly set up a makeshift barrier with the pillows and after that, you quickly excused yourself to freshen up and headed to the bathroom. As you turned on the hot water and stepped into the shower, your heart raced uncontrollably. You desperately tried to focus on the warmth of the water and the smell of the shampoo the motel put there to use, anything to distract you from the fact that you were about to share a bed with Hongjoong.

Once you were done, you dried off and changed into your underwear, taking a few deep breaths to calm your racing heart. It's just for one night, you reminded yourself. Sighing, you gathered your courage and made your way back to the room, where the man of your literal dreams awaited you - half naked, just like you were now.

When you entered the room, you knew it was over for you.

There, right before your very own eyes sat the most gorgeous, attractive man you've ever seen, and the sight made you weak in your knees. His hair was a little disheveled, his muscles were beautifully defined and his face - god, these pretty features, those plump lips you've been dreaming about so often and those dark, brown eyes… that were now staring right back at you, catching you drooling over him; the man you called your best friend.

Shit.

As you sat down onto the bed, time seemed to slow down. Every detail of his appearance was etched into your mind as if to be remembered forever. The quickened pace of your heart was evident, and you fumbled for words. Your best friend's presence had transformed into something entirely new, awakening emotions you never knew existed. Caught in a moment of utter disbelief, you grappled with the realization that your feelings for him had veered far from mere friendship. You didn't know when and how, but it was an undeniable fact.

“Shit,” you whispered under your breath, grappling with the tumultuous thoughts racing through your mind.

“What's bothering you?”

Hongjoong's voice pulled you out of your thoughts, and you quickly shook your head, trying to act nonchalant. "Nothing, just tired," you mumbled, avoiding eye contact. It was now or never. You had to push these feelings aside and get through the night without revealing your turmoil. Yet, as you both lay down on the bed, the physical closeness of your bodies only intensified the emotional storm brewing inside of you. The sound of Hongjoong's breathing in the quiet room seemed deafeningly loud, echoing each heartbeat that betrayed the depth of your feelings for him. As much as you wanted sleep to overcome you, it stayed frustratingly out of reach - taunting you with dreams that could never be realized.

And then, Hongjoong shifted closer, so close in fact you could feel his warm breath on your neck and- oh…

Something hard was poking your ass.

You quickly put a hand over your mouth to suppress the moan that almost slipped out, but it was too late.

Hongjoong already knew the effect he had on you.

Slowly, his hands grabbed onto your hips, harshly squeezing the flesh he was finally able to touch, pushing his closed erection even more onto your barely clothed ass, and it made you almost lose your mind.

“J-joongie”, you whimpered, desperate for more, your legs rubbing against each other for some sweet release.

“When you wore that dress today”, your best friend started talking with that sweet, raspy voice of his, his lips biting and kissing your neck up and down, “I thought I was going crazy. Wanted to pull it off you the entire fucking day. And now you're laying here, half naked, fuck, it made me so hard just looking at you.”

His fingers wandered south, hovering over your clothed and wet pussy. You could feel his lips curl into a devilish smirk.

“I know you're wet too, baby. The way you looked at me earlier was all I needed to know, but I still wanna hear you say it, Y/N. Say you want this. Say you want me.”

“P-please, Joongie”, was all you could utter.

He only hummed, and then his fingers introduced you to places best friends should not explore together.

Jeong Yunho

“And remember kids: don't do the naughty here, the walls aren't exactly thin”, your mom teased, laughing as she saw your reddened cheeks and widened eyes. You've never felt more embarrassed and all you wanted at that moment was for the ground to open up and swallow you.

It was your family's yearly skiing trip, something you were not quite fond of - not because you didn't love your family, you did so very much, but because they wouldn't stop their relentless teasing, no matter what. And to be honest, you were sick and tired of it.

When will our Y/N finally get a boyfriend?

Over the years, you started to resent this question more and more. You knew they meant no harm, yet they also wouldn't respect your boundaries and you simply had enough.

So for this year you had a plan: bringing your best friend Jeong Yunho with you, but pretending he was your boyfriend.

At first, it seemed like a great idea. Now… you weren't so sure anymore.

Behind your embarrassed figure, Yunho only laughed as you closed the door and put your head against it, sighing, glad that inappropriate comments like this were finally over - for now, at least.

Yunho, sensing your discomfort, walked over and gave you a reassuring squeeze on your shoulder. “Hey, don't worry about it”, he said with a gentle smile. “We knew this might happen, right? Remember our plan?” You nodded, recalling the pact you both had made before embarking on this trip: to support each other through the teasing and to act as convincingly as possible in your fake relationship. Taking a deep breath, you tried to shake off the embarrassment and focus on enjoying the vacation with your family and Yunho by your side.

Tomorrow, you could deal with their comments again, as embarrassing as they were. What worried you now was how the hell you'd survive this night with your alleged boyfriend in a bed together.

“Let's go to bed now. After all, we gotta get up early tomorrow right, my girlfriend?”

For the first time that day, your cheeks did not redden out of embarrassment.

As you settled into bed after your nightly skincare routine, you couldn't help but feel the awkwardness in the air. Yunho, ever the gentleman, had given you plenty of space – even suggesting that he could sleep on the floor if it made you more comfortable. However, you insisted that it wasn't necessary, as the whole point of this charade was to make your family believe that you were in a relationship. The two of you lay there in silence for a while, finding solace in the darkness of the room. Eventually, soft laughter from Yunho broke the silence.

“What's so funny?”, you whispered, a pout forming on your face as you turned around, now face to face with your fake boyfriend.

“You just- you just look so stiff”, he chuckled quietly. “I won't bite Y/N. It's just me, remember?”

Yeah, that's the problem you big, idiotic, sweet, attractive man.

Gathering the courage, you slowly breathed in and out, finally relaxing and turned around to face Yunho, letting out a small laugh as well. “I know, I'm sorry. It's just... weird, you know?”

Yunho nodded in understanding, his eyes meeting yours with nothing but warmth and reassurance. As the silence stretched between you two, your heart raced slightly at this newfound closeness in the dimly lit room. So close that you could feel each other's breaths. Mustering up your courage once again, you let out a quiet question that had been lingering in your mind for a while now. “Hey Yunho, do you think our plan is working? Do they actually believe we're together?”

He thought for a moment before giving a small nod. “I think so, and if not, we'll put on a more convincing show tomorrow.” You smiled at his determination and felt your heart swell with gratitude for having such an amazing best friend by your side. Slowly but surely, the awkwardness dissipated as the two of you fell into a gentle conversation laced with laughter and comfort. You talked and talked, like best friends always do, and then after another round of laughter, you felt it for the first time.

The air around you had changed.

Yunho was close, you realized, too close for a man you only considered a friend. And you… didn't mind at all.

Your heart pounded in your chest as you noticed the way his eyes lingered on your lips before returning to meet your gaze. A sudden surge of emotions flooded through you, making it difficult to think straight or remember the original plan. As if reading your mind, Yunho hesitated for a moment before gently taking one of your hands into his, intertwining your fingers. His touch sent a shiver down to your spine, and the anticipation of what could happen next hung heavily in the air. It was then that you realized that maybe, just maybe, this fake relationship wasn't so fake for either of you anymore.

You couldn't deny the chemistry and sparks that seemed to grow with each passing day, and now as you laid there - breathless and close - it became evident that whatever was happening between the two of you was true and real. With a deep breath, Yunho broke the silence once more, murmuring softly, “Y/N… can we talk about this?”

It wasn't just a question; it was an invitation to confront what had been lurking beneath the surface all along - feelings both exciting and terrifying that threatened to topple the carefully built charade neither of you could maintain any longer. And as you swallowed hard, preparing yourself for what may lie ahead, you knew one thing for certain: things between you and Yunho would never be quite the same again.

And that's exactly what you wanted; you wanted Jeong Yunho, now.

“What would you do when I said that I really, really need you right now Yuyu?”, you whispered, your hands finding their way into his soft looks.

Yunho’s eyes widened, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down, yet he found his composure rather quickly, a smirk now adorning his features.

“I'd say we'd have to be very, very quiet, baby girl.”

Kang Yeosang

There was a reason you've never gone camping before, and it was a very simple one: you were utterly scared, no, terrified of every sound coming from outside your tent.

You promised Yeosang to be a big girl and survive a night alone in order for him to be comfortable - he apparently wasn't a big fan of sharing tents with anyone, at least his friend Wooyoung said so - but now, after a few hours of laying wide awake and hyper aware of everything happening outside you were not so sure anymore. You were a scared cat, and you should've admitted that sooner.

As you laid there, trembling at every rustle of leaves and snap of twigs, you started questioning your decision to accompany Yeosang on this camping trip. You knew how important it was for him to explore nature together with you and his other friends, a group of young men you met for the first time today, and reconnect with the great outdoors; he constantly raved about the serenity and peacefulness that came with it. Desperate to impress him and strengthen your bond, you reluctantly agreed to face your fears head-on. Now, staring into the darkness that enveloped your cramped tent, you regretted not voicing your concerns earlier. As the night wore on, each eerie noise amplified your fear and apprehension.

Unable to bear the mounting solitude any longer, you took a deep breath and mustered the courage to unzip your tent. Peering outside cautiously in search of Yeosang's tent, you decided that maybe braving the night with someone wasn't such a bad idea after all.

With your heart pounding in your chest, you cautiously stepped out of your tent, the cold night air sending a shiver down your spine. The moonlight filtered through the dense tree canopy, casting eerie shadows on the forest floor. As you tiptoed across the campsite, clutching your flashlight for dear life, you strained your ears to listen for any sign that the others were awake. Approaching Yeosang's tent, you hesitated for a moment, your fear battling against your desire not to seem clingy or needy. Finally, unable to withstand the terror gnawing at you any longer, you quickly unzipped the tent and got inside.

“Yeosang?”, you whispered quietly into the darkness.

To your immense relief, Yeosang was still awake and immediately sensed your fear. He whispered back: “Hey, what's wrong?”

His voice was calm and comforting, making you feel somewhat protected.

“Okay so I am not the tough girl you think I am, I am absolutely terrified and I will die if I stay alone in my tent any longer so please let me stay with you I promise to be quiet and not pull your hair and-”

“Okay okay”, Yeosang softly laughed, his deep voice calming you down in an instant as he stopped your incoherent rambling. “Stay here. It's fine, I don't mind if it's you.”

I don't mind if it's you.

How dare he just casually drop that and expect you to be totally normal about it.

As you settled down next to him, your heart rate finally began to slow, and the earlier terror started to subside. The warmth of his presence and the sound of his gentle breathing lulled you into a sense of safety. You glanced over at his sleeping bag, noticing how he had arranged his things meticulously around him - a stark contrast to the chaotic mess you had left in your own tent.

Yeosang's steady presence beside you now seemed to make everything feel more manageable, and you couldn't help but feel a little grateful for those terrified moments that led you here.

“Besides”, he began, a somewhat teasing undertone laying in his voice, “what did you think I'm hitting the gym for? To protect you from those terrible monsters outside, of co- h-hey, what are you doing?”

“Well, I have to see for myself if you're really capable of protecting me”, you teased.

And goddamn, those muscles were no joke. As you squeezed his arms, Yeosang suddenly became very quiet and tense, but you were too busy comparing the size of his biceps to the size of your head - terrifying, if you may say so.

When did your best friend become so strong? When did his handsome, sweet self get such fucking muscles?

“Y/N.”

“Hm?”

“If you keep doing this, I won't be able to contain myself any longer.”

You froze, suddenly very aware of the intimate situation you had put yourselves in. Releasing his arm, you sheepishly glanced at Yeosang, who was looking at you with a mix of amusement and lust in his eyes. The air between you two had thickened, heavy with unspoken emotions and tension.

“W-what do you mean”, you asked, your cheeks a deep shade of red you were sure he could see even in this utter darkness.

Yeosang hesitated for a moment, his eyes never leaving yours. “Let's just say”, he began, his voice barely a whisper, “your touch has a powerful effect on me.”

Your heart raced as the truth of his words began to sink in. The feelings you had been trying to suppress for so long now suddenly seemed to be mirrored in his intense gaze. Swallowing hard, you decided to take a leap of faith and reached out for Yeosang's hand, intertwining your fingers with his and slowly leading them to where you needed him the most, a deep moan leaving your lips once his fingers found your most vulnerable spot.

“You have this effect on me too, Yeo.”

“I can tell”, he hummed, “and I'm about to intensify it so much more, pretty girl.”

Choi San

“Why the hell did I agree to this”, you grumbled, unable to even move an inch since Choi San was squeezing hugging the living shit out of you.

“You love me, that's why.”

You wanted to wipe that smirk off his face so bad, but he was right; you could never say no to him.

And so, since San impulsively stated he'd spend the night at yours today, you had no other choice but to also agree to a rather odd sleeping habit of his: the need to hug something or else he wouldn't fall asleep. Like a baby.

Of course this man forgot to actually bring something he could hug, so, he decided to use you. Simple - for him, because for you, it was a whole other story.

The two of you spent nights together often, it wasn't bothering you that he slept in one bed with you. What bothered you was how fucking close he was, how nice he smelled and how good he smelled.

You felt your face heat up as you tried to calm your racing heart. Just focus on something else, you told yourself, attempting to concentrate on the gentle sound of his breathing and the soft rhythm of his chest rising and falling when he finally fell asleep. But it was a futile effort, and you only found yourself becoming more aware of the physical closeness between the two of you. How can he sleep so soundly like this? you thought, frustrated by how easily San seemed to have drifted off into dreamland while you lay awake, trapped in a turmoil of emotions.

As the hours crawled by, fatigue finally started to win out against your embarrassment and discomfort. Your eyelids grew heavy, and eventually, you couldn't help but succumb to the pull of sleep even in San's tight embrace.

It was a dreamless sleep, and a short one as well, because just hours later, you were pulled out of it rather quickly. At first, you were too sleepy to understand what was happening, but after pulling yourself together and getting more and more aware of your near surroundings, it dawned on you.

Choi San was humping you in his sleep, all while letting out moans and whimpers that immediately awoke you within a mere second.

And as embarrassing as it was, it made you feel things you never felt before.

Panic and curiosity fought within you as you debated whether to wake him up or not. This was clearly a dream of his, and you couldn't just let it go on, especially considering the awkward position it put you in. But at the same time, you couldn't help but feel an unfamiliar warmth spreading through your body; a forbidden desire that you had kept hidden for so long was slowly awakening. With a nervous breath, you made your decision. Gently, but firmly, you shook San awake.

“S-san, you gotta wake up- oh”, an unexpected moan slipped out of you as you felt his hard erection pressing against your stomach, his whimpers becoming even louder and more desperate.

His eyes fluttered open, confusion dancing across his features as he tried to understand the situation. When realization finally dawned on him, San's face turned beet red with embarrassment. He quickly pulled away from you, stammering out an apology, his voice barely audible and shaky. “I-I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to... I don't know what came over me.” You could see the genuine remorse in his eyes, almost making you feel bad for waking him up.

You took a deep breath, trying to calm your racing heart. Your voice was gentle, yet firm as you responded: “It's okay, San. It was just a dream. But maybe... maybe we should try sleeping separately for the rest of the night?”

The concern in his eyes as he nodded in agreement made it clear that he didn't want anything like this to happen again. For whatever foolish reason, his quick agreement hurt. As you settled into your respective sides of the bed, the distance between you felt like both a relief and a loss. Now more awake than ever, you were left alone with your thoughts.

And then, you asked a question you maybe shouldn't have asked.

“What did you dream about?”

“W-what?”

“You heard me, Choi San”, you only responded calmly.

San's eyes widened, taken aback by the sudden question. He hesitated, glancing away nervously and fiddling with his hands before finally finding the courage to answer. “I... I dreamt about you”, he confessed, his voice low and hesitant. “That red dress you wore at my birthday party… you had it on while you-”

His gaze met yours for a brief moment before he quickly looked away again, unable to withstand the intensity of your stare, “while you straddled me and then- then you took my hand and let me touch you wherever I wanted and-”

You listened carefully, feeling your face grow warm as San recounted his dream in a hushed tone. The forbidden desire you had been trying to suppress flared up with each new detail he shared. There was no denying the fact that you weren't just merely curious about his dream; you were genuinely interested in it, and the thought of it ignited something within you. You swallowed hard, trying to decide what your next move should be. Your heart thudded loudly in your chest as you made a bold decision.

“I want you to show me exactly what I did in your dream, Sannie.”

“Yeah I know I'm gross- wait, what?!”

You giggled, slowly getting closer to his figure once again and put your hands on his strong, muscular chest.

“Right, my bad; will you please show me all the naughty things we did together in your fantasy, Sannie?”

And oh, he made sure he showed you every. single. dirty. detail.

Song Mingi

In the middle of a terrible snowstorm, you were laying in your bed wide awake while slowly but surely freezing to death - maybe you were a bit over dramatic, but it sure as hell felt like that. Because the electricity wasn't working, you had no other choice but to only warm yourself with as much clothing as one could wear and your soft blanket, and it still wasn't enough.

And yet you still didn't want to accept Mingi’s offer of sharing a bed just this once to stay warm together.

As the night wore on, the temperature in your room continued to decrease. You could see your breath in the air and started to worry about how long you could endure this frigid weather. The comforting thought of a warmer room, even if it meant temporarily swallowing your pride and accepting Mingi's offer, began to grow more and more appealing. After another hour of shivering under your ill-equipped blanket, you finally decided that enough was enough. You cautiously got out of your icy bed and made the trek down the hall to Mingi's room, hoping for a much-needed reprieve from the relentless cold. As you entered his surprisingly warm room, you silently acknowledged that this was indeed the better option for surviving the night.

You hated the heat, but for the first time you envied Mingi of his much warmer, comfortable room.

“Yo, are you awake?”, you whispered into the darkness, quietly closing the door behind you.

Mingi, who had been tossing and turning under his own blankets, startled at the sound of your voice but quickly realized it was you. “Yeah, I'm awake”, he replied, his voice barely audible above the howling wind outside. He sat up and shifted over in the bed, making room for you.

“C'mon”, he said, patting the empty spot next to him. Hesitantly, you made your way over and crawled under the warm covers, allowing yourself to finally relax as the heat from Mingi's body began to seep into your shivering limbs. You both lay there for a few moments in silence, simply enjoying the warmth and each other's company.

Until Mingi had to ruin this peaceful moment.

“I thought you were fine on your own, Miss stubborn?”

Despite your initial reaction to roll your eyes at his comment, you knew that Mingi had every right to tease you. After all, admitting defeat was never something that came easy to you. “Alright, alright”, you muttered, burying your face into the cozy pillow to hide your embarrassment. “I guess I should've just accepted your offer in the beginning.”

“I don't understand why you didn't just do it.”

At that, you grew quiet for a moment. Because there was a reason, but one you just couldn't admit; your attraction for your best friend.

As you laid there, contemplating whether or not to reveal your true feelings to Mingi, the room seemed to grow warmer with the intensity of your thoughts. You had been friends for years - could this single moment change everything between you? But, as your body grew comfortable within the warm embrace of the bed and Mingi's calming presence beside you, you couldn't help but feel a sense of reassurance wash over you.

Eventually, you mustered up the courage and whispered softly, “Mingi, there's something I have to tell you.”

He turned his head towards you, waiting for your confession. Your heart raced as you said, “The real reason I didn't want to share a bed was... because I've been developing feelings for you.” With bated breath, you waited for his response.

But as he didn't answer, you were immediately alarmed. Sitting up in a haze, you looked down at his tall figure beside you, only to discover your best friend being as red as a rife tomato.

“Y-you- I mean, you l-like-”, he began stuttering, his eyes wide open and filled with utter confusion.

Seeing him laying there, a shy, stuttering mess did something unexplainable to you; all of a sudden, you felt a rush of power and arousal rush through you.

All you wanted at that moment was to ruin him.

So, with an unexpected burst of confidence, you decided to take control of the situation. You began to straddle the still dumbfounded man, slowly letting your hands explore his upper torso, feeling him harden underneath you almost immediately.

“I can just show you, princess”, you said seductively, and Mingi, being the obedient good man he was, agreed in an instant.

That night, the cold could not bother you even a little again.

Jung Wooyoung

Your eyelids fluttered open, and the soft glow of the moon bathed your cozy apartment in a gentle wash of silver light. Suddenly feeling thirsty after a night of extensive partying, you navigated through the dimly lit living room, trying to be as quiet as possible. Then, your gaze landed on a very ridiculous sight that yet never failed to bring a smile to your face – your best friend and roommate, Jung Wooyoung, curled up in a ridiculous position on the sofa, a half-empty bottle of soju resting precariously on the coffee table.

What a liar he was, saying he'd clean up right after all the guests went home, yet here he was, snoring loudly while the living room was still a complete mess. You sighed.

“Hey, sleepyhead,” you said, nudging him gently with your foot. “Time to move to your own bed.”

He grumbled incoherently, one arm thrown over his face. “Noooo, 'm comfy right here.”

You rolled your eyes and made your way to the kitchen, pouring yourself a glass of water and chugging it down immediately, the cold liquid making you feel better right away. You heard shuffling coming from the living room, indicating that Wooyoung was in fact moving to his room. After storing your used glass into the sink, you made your way back into your room, tired and ready for another round of sleep, only to find your best friend sprawled across your neatly made bed, snoring softly. “Wooyoung, come on,” you urged, trying to suppress a giggle. “You can't sleep here.”

He mumbled something about how your recently made sheets smelled better and buried his face in your pillows, looking blissfully content.

Sighing, you managed to pull off his shoes and jacket before sliding under the covers. As you settled into the warmth, his body shifted closer, pressing against yours in a way that sends tendrils of heat tingling through you.

“Hey,” he murmured, his breath warm against your neck.

Your heart stuttered as you turned to face him, the air tinged with electricity and something unspoken yet undeniably present.

‘Hey,” you whispered back, feeling the weight of his eyes on you, the tension crackling between you both. You gulped, trying hard to hold eye contact, but his intense gaze made it hard to not shy away. He did not seem drunk at all, but fully aware of his surroundings. Fully aware of you.

For a moment, neither of you spoke, simply allowing the silence to settle as you studied each other's features, highlighted by the moon's ethereal glow. Wooyoung's eyes seemed to hold a question, something that remained unspoken but swirled in the air between you, leaving you feeling both exhilarated and vulnerable. Your breath hitched as he hesitantly reached a hand towards your face, gently brushing a strand of hair behind your ear. He smelled like wine, yet his eyes seemed clear, filled with both admiration and lust. His touch was soothing yet electric, awakening sensations you had never allowed yourself to explore before. As his face inched closer to yours, your lips nearly touching, you couldn't help but feel like this unspoken moment could change everything. And with a nervous exhale and an unexpected surge of courage, you closed the gap between you two, sealing a kiss that would mark the beginning of a new chapter in your friendship - the end of it, hopefully.

Your lips met in a slow exploration, allowing yourselves to savor every sensation and acknowledge the emotions swirling beneath the surface.

As you parted from that intense but tender embrace, you opened your eyes to find him still gazing at you with an expression of awe and wonder; it mirrored your own unspoken thoughts. It was at that moment that the two of you quietly acknowledged what had been hidden for so long - that there was indeed something more profound growing between you in this cozy apartment bathed in moonlight.

“You will remember this tomorrow, r-right?”, you stuttered.

His lips met your neck, officially marking you as his, and a whimper left you right there. You couldn't see it, but you knew he had this signature grin of his on those dangerous, kiss-worthy lips.

“Of course. I will take what's mine as soon as you open your eyes tomorrow. Probably won't even be able to wait until you're fully awake.”

Dear Lord, you could not wait what that man would do to you as soon as he was finally sober.

Choi Jongho

“N’ then he actually cheated on her, can you believe that Jongho?!”, you slurred, all while barely being able to walk as your best friend opened the door to your apartment.

Today, you went out with Jongho and the other boys, eventually drinking a few shots too much as you all caught up with one another.

Jongho couldn't help but chuckle at your drunken antics, shaking his head in disbelief as he held onto your arm to steady you. “Alright, alright, let's get you to bed before you spill any more gossip”, he said in a teasing tone.

As you made your way down the hallway towards your room, you continued to ramble which left Jongho completely unfazed though; the poor man was trying his hardest to get you to bed safely, but in your state you didn't realize that, so after him only humming occasionally and otherwise ignoring you, you grew frustrated with him and tried to free yourself.

In an effort to regain control over your own balance, you stubbornly swatted at Jongho's arm, accidentally tripping yourself in the process. The sudden movement took him by surprise, but his reflexes kicked in and he managed to catch you just in time, preventing a collision with the floor. “Whoa there!” he exclaimed, securing his grip around your waist to keep you upright. “Let's take it easy.”

Realizing the gravity of your near-fall, your frustration gave way to embarrassment. You mumbled an apology, trying your best to stand straight on your wobbly legs. Jongho merely sighed and offered you a reassuring smile, tightening his hold as he continued guiding you toward your bedroom. As much as it annoyed you when he didn't engage with your tipsy musings, you couldn't help but be grateful for his unwavering support - even in the most inebriated of moments.

“I'm glad my best friend is sooooo strong, otherwise I might have kissed the floor right there”, you giggled, patting his strong, muscular arms.

“Oh wow”, you muttered, in awe as you squeezed his arms more and more, feeling underneath you just how strong your best friend really was.

Of course you knew that. While his personality may be teddy bear like, Jongho was notorious for being able to break apples with his bare hands, but knowing about his strength and now directly feeling it were two completely different things.

And in your very drunken state, his strength made you unbelievably horny.

Jongho, seemingly unaware of the effect his strength was having on you, just chuckled at your reaction and shook his head. “Honestly, you get more ridiculous with each drink”, he playfully teased.

As you both finally reached your bedroom, he assisted you in sitting down on the edge of the bed. “Maybe next time we should stick to non-alcoholic drinks”, he suggested jokingly, though there was a hint of sincerity in his voice. Carefully, he helped you remove your shoes and made sure you were comfortably tucked beneath the blanket. Before leaving the room, he handed you a glass of water and gently reminded you to drink it to help with a potential hangover in the morning. His nurturing nature left a warmth in your chest that made your heart swell with gratitude while also fueling your attraction.

Many thought Jongho was a particularly cold person, but when with the right people, he was nothing but funny and caring, just like right now - while all you wanted was for him to use his strength, doing whatever he wanted to you.

“Hey, you still with me Y/N?”

“Fuck me, Jongho”, you blurted out.

Jongho's eyes widened in surprise at your sudden, bold request. For a moment, he hesitated, uncertain whether to be alarmed or amused by the effect of alcohol on you. Then, he let out a soft laugh and shook his head, clearly understanding that you were not in the right state of mind for such things. “Alright, Y/N, I think it's time for you to sleep this off”, he advised gently, his voice carrying a hint of embarrassment and concern.

“No, you don't understand! I'm not joking! I've been wanting you for so, so long. Everyday I'm reminded of how sexy, strong, cute, funny and nice my best friend is, and when that woman flirted grinded onto you at the club today all I could think about was me doing this to you, and then you'd grab me and kiss me and touch me and-”

“Fucking hell”, Jongho muttered, his eyes dark and filled with lust as he looked down at you.

Taking his jacket and shoes off and slipping underneath the sheets beside you, Jongho looked not once broke eye contact, staring at you until you were squealing in frustration.

“If you'll be a good girl and go to bed I'll let you do whatever you want to me tomorrow, hm? What do you think, baby?”

Never in your life have you agreed to something this fast.

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