#possible bpd

[desireelovesyou]

you are mine. you have been mine since we met. you will always be mine.

[afterschoolangel]

hypothetically speaking, if a past friend (possible fp) started regularly texting me again after we kinda lost touch (which ruined me mentally for months) should i keep my distance or become close w them again?

i don’t wanna get too attached and possibly have my feelings hurt again, but i’ve been missing them like crazy for almost a year now :(

[cluster-b-culture-is]

possible bpd/npd culture is wanting to keep in touch with friends but not being able to for some reason, even though you want to and feeling bad about the possibility of them no longer considering you as friends

.

[mothstiel]

i just wanna *inhale* GAHHHHHHHHHHHHJHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *pant* GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH until my throat is sore

[lgbtransgirl]

Haven't posted anything system related in a while.

We realized we might have BPD and are consulting our therapist & psychiatrist about it. We found out because every time we "BPD Split" Eef ends up fronting and I have next to no memory of it, so... Yeah.

Gotta love syscovery. Recovery in general is a bitch sometimes but it always leads to greener pastures

[justatorturedpoet]

I lied I don't want everyone's attention, I just want YOUR attention

[bleedingonhisaltar]

i miss you . i don’t know who i am when we aren’t together . you define me .

[sushibearsstuff]

The moment you realize this disorder is chronic and will never go away..and you’ll have to be on meds forever for it to be somewhat manageable.

[hxllhxund]

Having bad eyesight sucks balls. That shit does NOT help my derealization.

[desireelovesyou]

[echosandroses]

Being told “you have to push the thoughts away and think positive” when you are having a mental health crisis is truly infuriating.

[tori-isss-dying]

tw huge trauma dump ab my family and childhood trauma (pls someone see this, i'm literally begging, oh my god i'm pathetic)

i never talk to my dad. we live in the same house, we're just both too awkward to talk ig, we only have conversations more than "bring those dishes downstairs" when there is anything to do with stranger things or cobra kai.

my mum is complicated. she's a complicated person. she's very passive aggressive a lot of the time. she advocates for me and my sisters at school and stuff and then will proceed to do things that i don't know if she realises are ableist. in primary school she used to make it so that we weren't allowed any sort of chocolate or anything unless it was the weekend and she was always talking about how much she wanted to do diets to be "healthy" and she'd work out to the point of exhaustion. she always throws herself in the deep end with everyone else and just expects to float but she's making us all drown. me and my sisters are all autistic. however back then we were all not aware of this so my older sister would have these massive meltdowns and my mum would just go off at her, acting like it was something she could help, she threw things at her sometimes, always yelling, never tried to comfort her or understand past the basic "are you ok?" and then when my sister couldn't respond "fine. don't answer. you clearly don't want my help anyway." like she took the meltdowns as an attack on her. my younger sister was always dead silent in public, completely mute never spoke in front of anyone besides family and the couple of friends she had. she was severely dyslexic and very behind in schoolwork. our school refused to do anything about it. so mum would spend hours looking through her old schoolwork to find evidence of something wrong. she never makes it feel like she cares about helping. she makes it seem like her life is significantly worse for our existence. if we ever try to talk to her about anything serious or not, something else is always more important. i'm doing housework. i'm watching tv. i remember taking my younger sister upstairs to play with toys because i could tell my mum and my older sisters arguing really really upset her. we'd play sylvanian families until it was over. if we ever try to tell her how she can improve anything no matter how small it's "so i'm a bad mum? you guys gang up on me to gaslight me into thinking i'm in the wrong." she's very bad at communicating. she just assumes we want an argument. she always turns into an entirely different person around other people. happy, smiley, extremely loving. that's not to say doesn't love us. she just never acts like it. she does physical things for us but makes us feel like we're a huge burden on her for even just being around her.

i am the glass child, even though i am disabled myself, i have always masked around everyone, even alone. i listen to my mums rants about how stressed and overwhelmed she is by looking after us. i listen to my older sisters rants about my mum. i am the only one who can decipher what my little sister means sometimes. i listen to her when wants to talk. i give advice. therapise them. wise beyond my years. was i that way naturally? or was i treating everyone how i wanted to be treated? i protect them and help them. i don't open up to them. why would i? they're busy watching tv and ironing while muttering passive aggressively under their breath. come to think of it, there were parental lock things on all my sisters' devices to stop them from seeing inappropriate shit, but there wasn't on mine. was i grown up enough to see adult things? i was 7. but oh well she's so responsible, it's like she's an old person stuck in a child's body. no one ever asked me how i felt. every time my mum asked for my opinion on any arguments if i agreed with my sister, not her, we were ganging up on her. "oh so everything's my fault?" "oh i guess i'm just the most abusive parent in the world". i was never taught how to wash my hair or body. one day my mum just stopped doing it for me. "you're old enough to do it yourself now, this is taking the piss." teach me then. "you're so good at looking after your sisters and mum aren't you?" i was 10. be good for other people. help other people. you are invisible unless they need something, you don't get an opinion. this was only re-enforced by the church i went to at the time (i am agnostic now) and girlguiding. the brownie rule or some shit was "a brownie guide puts others before herself". serve them. the people. get good grades, it's what your teachers and parents want. keep your room obsessively tidy, it's what your mum wants. chip away at your soul for everyone else.

my older sister once told me she thought i was selfish for all the people pleasing i did. "you only do it selfishly. you don't actually care about us." i told my mum about it and she said "well she's right, doing things for other people makes us happy too." they never expressed pride in me other than when i got good grades.

i am a ghost. i never got to form my own opinions that's why i don't have any. i'm not human. i never developed into one. i have never been anyone's priority. i never will be. no one will ever care.

writing this, i keep slipping into past tense as if i don't still live here but it just feels distant.

[borderline-culture-is]

Possible bpd culture is feeling so strongly and complicatedly that you can only put it into words as "I want to hurt you"/"I want to bite you and shake you around like a dog", and meaning that mostly positively but knowing it would sound kind of alarming...

.

[eluxurex]

Vent Under Cut

Man, I am tired. Tired of a lot of things. I change schools so that I won't feel so pressurized anymore, but somethings that happened there just make me randomly burst to tears in my room. I have been accused of many things, like always acting depressed or looking for attention by acting depressed.

I've been abandoned, or the way I like to say it, never really had anyone to begin with. I have just been on my own for 3 years. Wow, what an achievement.

Now I've started a new school. Made some friends, some which will be coming on this site sooner or later. Now, because of what happened in my old school, I can't help but fear something will just happen and it will be as if I never really had any friends. Now if my friend did smth to me, it will be as if they're a terrible person. But they're not. I know them. So why does it seem as if they are, even when I told them about it?

Why am I like this? What caused this? Is something wrong with me for not appearing neurotypical? If people have emphasized it so much that there's something not alright with me, doesn't it not mean there really is something wrong with me?

Well, after researching for a while, I managed to come across a possible disorder that I relate to a lot: BPD

I have taken some tests online and they all told me have a severe symptoms of it, but if course, a random test on the Internet cannot determine what I really have, but it's a possibility.

Genuinely just been confused and need answers but I can't get any.

[absolutelynoname]

i feel like im doing the right thing?? jealousy is one of my biggest triggers if in doing shit and i know isolating myself is toxic but if i explain why and explain theyve done nothing wrong then its okay?? i dontcwanna lose friendships?

what if i lose the friendships by isolating??? im gonba end up all alone no ones ever gonna love me

[crypticmutts]

I think we may have bpd, going next monday to talk to our psychiatrist abt it. Any tips? Like for nerves