#queer women deserve a safe space here

[sznofthesticks]

lesbophobia has no place in this any fandom.

i am following the lovely @nancygillianmvp's lead here(check out her post here.) we do not deserve vile anons because of our identities or because we ship women together. this ship is what sparked creativity in me. i adore them that much.

shipping women is not gross or predatory. lesbian isn't a bad word. if you don't like a fic, click out. if you feel so inclined to go from AO3, to my ask box on tumblr, because women in love enrages you so much, you need to do some reflecting on yourself, not strangers on the internet.

that being said. here are my nancymarjan fics. as well as some recs from other writers because i think they deserve more love.

ALSO. writing smut, including two women, is NOT dirty. i should not be shamed for that.

something so precious about this

nancymarjan, 2,985 words, rated T

4x09 reimagined, Nancy has to imagine a life without Marjan and decides it's time to tell her everything.

love and libraries

nancymarjan, 1,275 words, rated GA

a day off in the life of nancy and marjan. coffee, good food, libraries and farmers markets are involved <3

kiss it better baby

nancymarjan, 2,163 words, rated E

Nancy shows her appreciation to Marjan for defending her after the softball game, and Marjan reciprocates.

not linking my other one because it's incomplete and not getting completed anytime soon.

now for recs from lovely writers:

who will come into my kitchen and be hungry for me by @pelorsdyke: a test kitchen AU with Nancy and Marjan and it's soooo lovely <3

hold on to me by the lovely genius @reyesstrand: marjan comforts nancy after tim's death. they're soooo tender here

[genderqueerdykes]

now more than ever it's blatantly obvious that people go out of their way to erase trans men from communities and queer history. it's always been happening, but it's way easier to watch it in real time now thanks to the internet and social media. we are watching people basically gloating that they misgender trans men and don't see them as men. we are now watching people kick trans men out of queer spaces because they are often "femme and them" or "nonbinary and woman" support groups, conflating nonbinary identities with womanhood, and denying trans men or transmasc nonbinary people places to go. many of them get told that their presence would "scare" the lesbians, women and enbies because they have trauma.

where do the trans men with trauma go, though? we can't go anywhere. when i was struggling with domestic violence that ended up destroying my right leg, i was denied shelter in queer spaces and even women's spaces even though i have F on license. domestic violence shelters especially will turn trans men away if we pass. even if we partially identify as women, we can't go in because 'our voices are deep and scary and we're loud and aggressive and threatening and might prey on the defenseless scared women'

finding transmasc support groups is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. i've seen numerous organizations across the US have transfemme support groups, nonbinary/genderqueer support groups, and then nothing for transmascs. where the hell do we go when they won't let us go anywhere?

we try to exist online and they try to erase us from here, too. bickering and arguing about how we're not real men, sending trans men death and sexual assault threats, acting like they're saviors for kicking out the "dangerous ugly men" from the queer community, as if we don't belong to it at all.

i refuse to be erased. i refuse to sit in silence while people tell me my problems don't matter because now i "have male privilege". I don't. once people find out what my legal name is they view me as a woman. strangers however view me as a cis man and will deny me help, either through programs, or because i'm a "strong young man, i should be able to pick myself up by my boot straps." i'm not white. i'm not abled.

i'm proud to be a trans man and i will be here to fight for other trans men's rights to have a platform to speak, and spaces to occupy. i will not rest until trans men & mascs have safe places to be and meet other trans men.

trans men are queer. we belong here. we are taking up the space we rightfully deserve and we are not leaving.

[esf-art-and-design]

You wanna know something crazy?

I work for a LGBTQ+/Queer non-profit, I’ve had to sit in on training seminars on how to best support our community, how to create a space that is actually safe for everyone in the community, etc.

You wanna know the one thing that was emphasized by these professionals running these seminars (who are also a part of the community btw)

Telling queer people what their labels for their identity ought to be is extremely harmful.

Gatekeeping the community from other people who are figuring themselves out because of labels is harmful?! Shocker I know, but yes it is.

You know what this means right? It means that:

You don’t get to tell a guy experimenting with queer sex that he’s gay/bi/queer/etc if he ID’s as straight

You don’t get to tell a woman experimenting with queer sex that she’s lesbian/bi/queer/etc. if she ID’s as straight

You don’t get to tell aces who are hetero sexual/Romantic that they don’t belong in queer spaces

You don’t get to blame bi lesbians/m-spec women for creepy cishet men entering wlw spaces to hit on women (in an entitled way) (that’s called misogyny babes)

You don’t get to tell someone they are unlovable/not deserving of a relationship/etc. because of the label they use

You don’t get to tell people that actions invalidate their labels because “actions speak louder than words”

You don’t get to demand to know what labels someone uses because of their actions. (Or you don’t force someone to out themselves)

You don’t apply labels to someone from pure speculation (you could be outing someone and putting them in danger)

You don’t get to tell people their labels are “contradictory” or “don’t make sense” and demand they choose one label over the other

Other Labels cannot harm your own identity, and if you act like it can your wrong and harming the community

And ultimately, It means that according to actual professionals within the lgbtq non-profit space, the exclusionists in the community are wrong and are doing immeasurable harm.

Basically what I’m saying is that everyone is welcome here on my blog, policing identity is harmful, and yes, the exclusionists that told you that your identity is invalid or made fun of you for your identity we’re so fucking wrong.

Everyone who experiences sexual orientation, attraction, gender identity, and gender expression differently belongs within our community.

Gatekeeping only keeps people deserving of services away from the spaces where they can get those services. It keeps them away from peer support. And that’s not good, especially if you know the statistics for self harm and suicide within the community.

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

I want to write a meta on Stede Bonnet of Our Flag Means Death and internalized homophobia. A lot of this is going to be a rehash of something I said to an anon back in october of 2022 but I feel like it deserves to be put out without rancid anon takes attached.

Our Flag Means Death as a show is trying to do a deconstruction of toxic masculinity. I feel very comfortable in saying that seeing as David Jenkins had "A lot of what we're taught about what it means to be a man is wrong" and a show about gay men with a thesis like that is necessarily also deconstructing homophobia, even if it doesn't center homophobia, which ofmd does not, it keeps it in just out of frame at all times, because it prefers to center queer joy. However that doesn't mean it's not there and I want to talk about the one place where it exists that I feel like people don't really touch on.

Stede is a character that comes from a background of wealth, of rigid adherence to social norms that he was never able to fully fit into. There are rules for what men do and what women do and those rules must be obeyed and Stede learns this the hard way, by getting tied in a boat and having things thrown at him for picking flowers. By being bullied relentlessly for being soft and weak. Under such conditions you can’t not internalize those rules.

Stede also is very insecure, in episode 2 it's established that he struggles with feelings of inadequacy. A lot of Stede’s guilt comes from his inability to preform the roles of husband and father, roles which were thrust upon him without his consent and stand in opposition to his identity as a gay man, at least in the 1700s. Stede considers himself a coward for his inability to preform these rolls. Stede is unable to forgive himself for being unable to fit into the heterosexual expectations that society as placed on him.

Blackbeard is also a hypermasculine figure. A role that Ed finds himself unable to fit into. That’s why Ed and Stede seem to be in the same place when they first meet. They’re both trying to break out of these rigid boxes that have been forced upon them. Blackbeard is less heterosexual, more specific, but it’s still a distinctly male expectation which is tied up in cultural ideals about masculinity, especially non-white masculinity. And the whole show Izzy, a gender conforming character who seems to go out of his way to talk down to any man he perceives as even a little bit soft, is trying to force Ed into it, and when he tries to imply that Ed isn’t Blackbeard enough he does it by emasculating him

Ed is open, at least when he's made to feel like he's in a safe environment, about not wanting to be blackbeard anymore. Stede suggests retirement and provides him space to experiment with reinventing himself, but at the end of the day Stede doesn't believe him because Stede venerates Blackbeard as one of the most fearsome pirates of all time (something I expect to be a large point of contention between them in the next season). When Ed finally shakes off his captaincy and tries to leave Blackbeard behind for good Stede ends up blaming himself for it, because he perceives Ed's desire to leave a role that is hurting him behind as him being ruined, the same way Stede perceives his own failure as a husband and father as an inherently corrosive thing.

Unpacking Chauncey's speech in season 1 episode 10 and why Stede agrees with it is fundamental here. Gay people have been for centuries been portrayed as corrupting influences trying to convert people to our lifestyle. We've been portrayed as horror villains. Our sex is portrayed as defilement. We're accused of being groomers who want to corrupt others to our way of life, we're accused of recruiting. This is one of the more classic homophobic tropes. So when Chauncy says you're a monster who defiles beautiful things there is venom and oppression behind it. And Stede agrees to it because he does believe himself to have corrupted Ed away from being Blackbeard into being kind of a pansy like Stede. And that he defiled his family by leaving despite it being what he needed to do.

And so his reaction to this is to shove himself back into the closet and try to be Mary's husband again.

I'm not passing moral judgement on Stede, it's just difficult to interpret the show without seeing the subtextual journey of overcoming internalized homophobia that Stede goes on.

[my-castles-crumbling]

hey I just wanna ask is it OK to be a marauders fan if I'm straight

I hate when people tell me of ur gay u just don't know it yet

like I do know that I like men not women so I can be a marauders fan right

I'm so confused

Hi!!

SO I meant to go to bed but this question got me fired up so I had to answer it. (not fired up at you but at the people who are talking to you)

OF COURSE you can be straight and like the marauders. This fandom doesn't have a bouncer at the door checking if you're queer. EVERYONE is welcome, as long as they respect boundaries and are kind and respectful.

Truthfully, I think a lot of people here just have really embraced this as a safe queer space, since most of the content is queer, and so when they see someone join the space, they assume they are also queer. Which...I can kind of see why. People like to put people into boxes. But also, we as queer people don't want anyone to assume about us, so we can't assume either.

To add to that, it's super rude and patronizing for someone to say "oh, you're gay and you don't know it yet." YOU get to tell people your sexuality. Everyone else can fuck off. It may be okay for us as a fandom to say "hahaha Sirius is so oblivious, he doesn't even know he's gay yet" but we can't say that to REAL people. Real people are more complicated, and deserve to be treated with respect.

To add to this, consuming queer content doesn't automatically make you queer. I read books about straight couples and it doesn't make me straight. Also, there are literally straight ships in this fandom. Jily is MAJORLY popular, even if it's not my cup of tea.

All this to say, you absolutely can be straight and like the marauders. And if people continue to say something about it, send them to me. I'll say something to them 😅

[thepunkmuppet]

reasons why lorne is queer coded and why I am confused no one talks about the gay icon that he is

he is a stereotypical effeminate gay man down to the voice (i hate that you know the one, but you know the one). he likes glitz and glam and showbiz and female celebrities and parties and pop culture and mimosas and nice clothes and just behaves the way gay men are stereotypically shown/seen to behave (especially in early 2000s media) so um yeah that’s straight up the definition of queer coding but THERES MORE SO IM CONTINUING

his innate passion for music is used as a clear allegory for being different, and by extension sexuality and gender. he was shunned for his unique interest in music by his family and culture, and hated for being different by everyone in pylea despite it being something he couldn’t seem to control. when he comes to earth, he is able to be himself and pursue his passions, and sees pylea and his family environment as literal hell. the culture in pylea is based around conformity and obedience and is run by a shady religious group, so him breaking free from that environment is super relatable for queer people who grew up in religious / anti-lgbt homes

caritas is most definitely a metaphor for a queer safe space / gay bar. there is no violence allowed, humans and demons exist there in peace with each other, and he created it personally from the ground up to provide a space for others like him who are different and might not want to go / be able to go to “normal” or human bars. oh and also there’s a club shooting scene where, despite most of the demons there being peaceful, the shooters are a, afraid of them and b, in this specific case, enjoy hunting and terrorising them for sport because they hate them so much. so. yeah that TOTALLY doesn’t reflect real life queer history and current events not at ALL

the women in the deathwok clan look like bearded men. lorne makes a few comments about cordelia’s beauty and availability as well as some pylean women from the past, but we know that the concept of gender and womanhood is different in pylea. so even if he is attracted to women, his experience of gender and gendered attraction is undeniably queer by human standards regardless

he clearly has a casual thing for angel. like he knows that man is gorgeous but he also knows that angel is in love with like fifteen different people throughout the series and he is just not about that drama

he uses affectionate pet names for everyone, especially angel, ALL THE TIME like honey, baby, muffin, sweetcheeks, angel-cakes etc

he fulfils the gay best friend stereotype very often in the role he plays in episodes, often furthering others’ arcs and the plots of episodes while providing sassy quirky advice and having no personal character growth. bad trope that I do not like but it’s true

he is a kind sweet mum friend and a sassy gay wine aunt at the same time and I love that for him

EDIT I realised this on rewatch recently, I had forgotten there is a scene where just straight up shamelessly asks angel out on a date to a concert. so.

basically I have a lot of feelings about him and I simultaneously relate to him and want him to be my mum and he is a very very special boy who deserves all the love in the world!!! so!!! lorne says happy pride month!!!!

edit: everyone in the tags and comments saying it is obvious you are completely true and correct!! which is why idk why no one talks about him!!!!! I just wanted to put my thoughts into words so here it is

[blacksapphhicmaddonna]

HAPPY PRIDE MONTH, ALPHABET MAFIA

just a few reminders:

- first pride was a riot

- black & BIPOC queer people are the foundation of our entire nation and the global culture

- we owe most of our rights and progress to BIPOC trans women/femmes and different communities of lesbians, trans/gnc folks and elders.

- trans people have always existed, they are ancient and indigenous to many cultures and places and are SACRED.

- I’m glad you’re here and there is community out there for you, waiting with open arms. Don’t give up just yet, please.

- rainbow capitalism isn’t liberation

- we are all we have, be fucking better to each other

- lesbians have done so much for lgbtqia+ people and should maybe idk stop being erased for no reason

- biphobia is real and just bc your ex cheated on you doesn’t make it bi folks fault, you’re projecting babe

- being queer doesn’t dissolve white privilege, pls touch grass

- be safe at pride. they’re coming for us all and we need to protect ourselves.

- not everyone wants to use the word queer/dyke/fag etc. I’m glad you reclaimed the slurs used against you, me too, but not everyone wants to and you need to respect that. LGBTQIA+* exists for a reason.

- the black and brown belong on the flag.

- the A is for asexual/romantic or agender, not ally.

- get some pussy (or whatever you do (or don’t do)) and make space for joy! because black/queer joy is revolutionary and fucking righteous just as much as our anger is, too

- Juneteenth coming up too, issa parade in my city fr

- asexuals/aromantics belong at pride. Period. Full stop.

- safe sex is the best sex

- get tested!

- it’s okay to not watch the news. america is hell, go take a nap

- people 100% know themselves better than you ever will, people are who they say they are and you don’t get to decide that for them. respect pronouns, identity, etc. or argue w ya mama/god/someone else cause it ain’t finna be me ❤️

- you deserve relationships that feel safe and actually are safe. Don’t settle.

- learn your queer history. they won’t teach us. they took our elders from us.

- Black LGBTQIA+* history IS Black History.

- we all need to be thankful to the house mothers and the ballroom scene and those who gave us what we have now, regardless of who you are.

- don’t call yourself a stud if you’re not BLACK. wit a capital B and at least one BLACK parent.

- not everyone is out. happiest of pride month to y’all. you’re still gang and we love you just as much. 💗

- our collective liberation lies in the fact that we are all tied to each other. if you’re down for the gays but not the theys, you’re not as decolonized as you think you are.

- shout out to fanfiction writers who have been single-handedly providing queer art/content/representation for years while the industry continues to make a mockery of us or intentionally leave us out. one thing we gonna do is help someone find their queer awakening, and get that story right. love us 🤪 go team

- your life means something. it’s important beyond comprehension. you look good. your ass is fat (if you want it to be). get the mullet as a lil treat.

- LGBTQIA+* people across the board have ALWAYS existed in literally every culture and every continent (and Antarctica counts if you count the cute lil gay penguins😌). Don’t let them tell you different. We are not a “mInOrItY”, we have been MINORITIZED. we are not small, we are great and mighty and have ALWAYS been here. And we always will. We exist in the future just as we have existed in the past. We stand on the shoulders of MASSIVE collective ancestors. If that’s not an indication to keep going, keep fighting, keep laughing, dancing, voguing, and keep showing up authentically - then I don’t know what is.

- it’s gonna be ok baby. pinkie promise.

[opinated-user]

Sort of a nuanced take so bear with me here-- I honestly think its a little weird that you obsessively post about every trans woman that happens to be poorly behaved. Not saying that Lily Orchard, Sophie Labelle, whoever this Poppy person is aren't doing bad things. It's just I don't know kind of strange that you have a blog all about documenting trans woman misbehavior as a non-binary person. Speaking as a trans woman you come off as transmisogynistic some times. I'm sorry it is. The only people who's bad behavior you post about are trans women. That's weird.

this blog started off talking about LO because i have seen evidence of her abusive/predatory actions to the point i felt worth talking about. she's the main focus.

P&Z came to the picture because they talked and responded to LO's lies about them. turns out they were abusive, as i have seen evidence myself and believed on their victims, and that felt worth talking about. especially since thanks to their videos on LO, the people who watched those and supported them deserve to know the kind of people who made them.

sophie labelle is a big name in trans/progressive spaces. massive even. i was a fan of her work and supported it fully until everything to do with using a irl toddler for lewd furry diaper art came out. i have only ever brought her up on that post in months to make an example of LO having a bigger issue with queer acceptance and usage than with pictures of irl babies being used for porn, so it was relevant.

EssenceOfThought made videos following on LO and then was unabled to continue doing them out of her own circunstances, so that clearly was relevant for this blog. she apologized to both Brittany and me in private for not telling us about that earlier and i have absolutely no ill will towards her or Levi. i'll probably not going to talk about her again in this blog except to say just that.

regarding all of them, i have never, ever, encouraged or supported any kind of harrassment, misgendering or transphobia against them. if anyone has any issue with any of them they can quietly unfollow or unsub. on my pinned post i put link to sites where you can download videos from youtube without giving anyone views if so people want it, encouraging, once again, to not go after any of these people for any reason.

i'm sorry that existing on the internet as a trans woman means being constantly demonized for merely existing. being used constantly as an example of a predator when you haven't done anything to deserve it it's incredibly tought and demorilizing. nobody deserves that. i don't blame you one bit for having a negative reaction when seeing transfemme being called out precisely for that, because so many bad people are going to use that as fuel to keep believing all transfemmes are the same and i hate that, i wish i could change it. for every transfemme that i discuss here i also met so many transfemme who were the sweetest, most considerate, smartest and kindest people that anyone can be.

but keeping quiet about these people is not an option either. it just isn't. they're bad people, dangerous people, who happen to have platforms where they have influence and power over vulnerable people, traumatized people, marginalized people who are desperate to feel safe somewhere. they're bad people because they chose to take advantage of the trust put on them, because they manipulated, lied and abused, not because they're trans women, and if i ever implied that then i'll dennounce it because that couldn't be further from the truth.

these people should never be used as any kind of example of how trans women are. they just happen to be trans. anyone using my blog or anything on it to further that narrative is no ally of mine and i'll block them whenever possible. if there's anything else you think i could do, please let me know.

[cottonundiestf]

Just a reminder to all my lovely bimbos and bimbo lovers!

This blog and all my comfy spaces validate trans folks and queer folks. You are valid, and there is nothing wrong with who you are.

I support freedom of choice and the autonomy for women to live the lives they want to lead.

PoCs deserve to feel safe and treated with equity and equality in all our communities.

For those of us who use kink to deal with the societal struggles associated with our identities, like bimbo and misogyny kinks, explore those feelings in a safe way with the right people.

Kink is kink, but if you genuinely treat people in marginalized communities as lesser or believe their existence is wrong, you're not welcome here.

Love, your cozy trans bimbo friend 💋

[possibilistfanfiction]

hi i just wanted to say thank you for writing about queerness the way that you do - it’s incredible and has been immensely helpful to me lately. like i’ve agonized over wanting a haircut and a binder and to change my pronouns and have never had the courage to do anything about it, but reading your stuff is making me want to go through with it all. i had to pause a few times as i read your most recent piece (ava’s pov of butch bea) because i was overwhelmed with relief seeing ava and bea want that stuff too. i didn’t realize wanting it could feel so freeing. like i’ve never seen queer people written like that before, and never knew i needed to see it until now. it’s helped me feel okay about wanting the aforementioned things, and also okay about not knowing what i want or how i want to be. all around your fics are so healing and enlightening as far as gender and sexuality go, and gender and sexuality aside they are also flat out masterpieces. i cannot even begin to describe how much they, as well as your other posts on the subject, mean to me. thank you so much

:) thank u!

& i will say that i have spent the better part of the last 15 or so years just vibrating around trying to figure out what makes me feel good, especially in my body & how others perceive it. which is really hard! but trying stuff rocks — i figured out i wanted top surgery but not to transition in other medical ways bc i got a binder! the peace i felt with one felt right, & then i got to explore from there. i have had … so many haircuts lol & most of them have been good! (imo everyone deserves to buzz their hair at least once & just. deal with it lmao. a rite of passage.) now i don’t give a fuck about “what side of the store” clothes are on bc i know exactly what i want clothes to fit & feel like, & i have a tailor, so i just pay more attention to fit & fabric than i do any “men’s” or “women’s” demarcations, especially when most of the places i shop are mostly just vaguely androgynous earth tones anyway lol.

(of course this is with the caveat that there’s enough safety/financial stability but) try everything! especially stuff that’s not at all permanent!

there’s no way i would know what makes me happy & peaceful now if i didn’t try stuff in the past! do i want to wear button downs & chinos & have ppl call me sir?? no i would rather pErish. but did i always know that! of course not, & i got to have the space to try how that would feel. i definitely also know that i never want people to think i’m straight (lol but ppl are stubborn); i had a weird summer bc my hair was rly long, which i loved, but then started to feel just dissonant about… occasionally a little panicked by? (in addition to some transphobic nonsense thru work, which ofc doesn’t help). but once i sat down & was like what the fuck is going on — & felt safe enough to just sit for DAYS in dysphoria to try to figure out the root of it — i was like oh ok cool, easy, i can fix this. i knew i didn’t want to cut my hair rly short again (probably never again or at least for a Long Time, i don’t like ppl thinking i’m a man), but i didn’t wanna keep it long, so i was like ok great, stupid masc bob here we come, & my hairstylist is queer & has a soft butch wife, so i was set lol. but without getting to have space for the past decade to just try things, & to learn how to sit in dysphoria thru therapy rather than just Run Away from the feeling every time, that would’ve been a lot harder to navigate. i used to be VERY adamant abt they/them pronouns but i don’t feel that way anymore, & nothing earth shattering happened or has happened, i just… don’t care. i care more abt my privacy & agency than abt disclosing identity & experience than i do a pronoun, & so i get to make that choice whenever i want, which has been rly wonderful. & getting to try things will help you learn where ur most comfortable, especially as u continue to grow & change.

& like… it’s fun! queerness is so fun! i think beas queerness is fairly ~fraught~ canonically for obvious reasons but in any universe it’s nice to just let her take a fucking breath. kiss a girl, put on a hoodie, cut your hair, take a nap by the beach. it’s not so serious, not all the time. & ava is just FUN, her queerness is so so bright. to me it’s always just seemed like she was never Not queer bc ava has so much life to live & so so much to discover abt herself & the world. she’s falling in love with everything all the time, & with Wonder! & of course that includes queerness! it’s at the center of it bc it’s who you are & who you love, but it’s also just… people, & connection. i used to write rly angsty shit abt being queer & in moments of indulgence i do still enjoy a romp ofc to flex those wow sin & hell & an orgasm being so holy muscles lol, but queerness is my everyday life, & it shows up in the soft happy places more than anywhere else.

anyway, try everything!! especially a binder (bind safely!!!!!) & pronouns, even just online or w a few of ur ppl. if there’s a word you like for your identity, try writing it somewhere or just telling a friend (i texted my best friend that i liked the word ‘dyke’ a lot after having made ‘dyke on main’ jokes abt myself for ten years … we both just laughed). & of course haircuts & clothes are so fun, & they should get to be fun!

but even beyond that (& part of why i think ppl like reading stuff i write, maybe?) is that like so much healing for me in pleasure & peace in my queerness is so tied up in those same feelings abt … everything. food! sex! moving my body! my home! small acts of service! luxury! softness! skincare! the ocean! like whew, waking up & being like this brings me quiet joy, mary oliver was RIGHT, just lets the whole world kinda shimmer. not loudly, not in any remarkable way, but eating good food & having a good beer with someone who sees you for who you are; fresh flowers in the vase; LINEN PANTS; the dog asleep at your feet — all of those things to me are both queer & holy, inextricably together in my life. my wife’s queerness is very compatible w her religion & spirituality, & that’s rly rly beautiful to get to be around. queerness is abt deep care, too, in small ways: checking up on a friend after top surgery, still masking indoors, keeping my dog on lead unless i know her recall will be perfect. it shapes every part of my life. to me the mundane is the most glorious thing, & i have figured things that i love bc, for as scary as trying stuff can be (what if people see me? what if i hate it?) — you know, the most important question: what if you love it?

[genderqueerdykes]

i've said it before in other posts but i'll reiterate it here:

if you think the entire point of Any queer space, especially the lesbian community, is your "safe space to hide from men," you are not properly understanding what the space is for, and what queerness is. the point of the queer community is not to shun masculinity, manhood and maleness. we do not stand for chasing away good faith identities, which i can't believe i have to say it but, men are obviously a part of.

yes, men can be in lesbian spaces. women, nonbinary people, genderfluid people, intersex people, gnc people and other kinds of people are in gay male communities across the globe. drag queens, trans women, gnc gay men, nonbinary people, genderfluid people and many others who identify primarily as female exist openly and freely in the gay male community and have for decades. queer people of all kind can exist in all fringes of queer spaces because that's inherently what our community is about.

gay male spaces are not "boy's clubs" where "boys" can hide from "girls". lesbian spaces are not "girl's clubs" where "girls" can hide from "boys". i understand that many people have trauma, i get that, i do too- but that doesn't mean that i project my trauma on to the entirety of the community.

if you genuinely need therapy for trauma, please seek it, i encourage you to walk the path of healing. you are able to choose the gender of your therapist in most locations. if you need to talk to other women who have been abused, just say that. just say that with your whole chest. seek a therapy group for female victims of abuse. that, i guarantee you, will help you way, way more than boarding up in lesbian spaces and pissing off a bunch of queer people ever will.

if you're trying to hide from men, you don't want to be in the queer community. men will be a part of the queer community and have always been a part of the queer community. queer men aren't leaving any time soon, we're not going anywhere, and we don't deserve to be treated like predators or "just like" someone's abuser because we are men.

[mastabas-and-mushussu]

Hi, I’m dusting off this blog after years because I have some queer pagan thoughts to ponder.

I was researching the song Savage Daughter because I needed to figure out if it was racist or not, and I saw a comment that really got me thinking. It makes sense that women find it empowering, it’s meant to be that, but something about the intersection of women’s empowerment and paganism always gets my hackles up. Or at least makes me uncomfortable. It’s a learned response after running into too many TERFs or ideas that punt people down the TERF pipeline, no matter how well-intentioned, but I have to ask myself: independent of all of that, why doesn’t it empower me? Why does it just make me nervous?

I grew up being a woman. I’ve liked girl power songs, I listened to Taylor Swift and Beyoncé in middle school. I’m not a woman anymore, or at least not just a woman, but that doesn’t mean I hate girl power songs. So why does this make me uncomfortable, feel like it isn’t for me?

My current theory is that I’m used to the patronizing “nonbinary people and women” type groups. You know that they really mean afab people and women. Every single workshop I’ve gone to in town, every drum circle, every Web of Life meetup- it’s all women, it’s a woman’s space, women’s interest, like I’m surrounded by the idea of a uterus making you spiritually inclined. Even aside from the fact that I’m not Wiccan and don’t fall under the widely accepted umbrella, even aside from the fact that I’m an anthropologist and the Goddess Chant makes me cringe, it’s obvious on some level that the people around me are only open and relaxed because I can’t pass as masc to save my life. If I were a bear with a mustache it feels like those spaces would go cold like a sword in a quenching trough.

I feel like the more settled I get as an adult queer, the more I start wondering where I fit. Where I can talk. Women deserve to be safe and proud. Men deserve to be safe and proud. Everyone deserves to be safe and proud. I’m not saying I want a secret society of queers where we check your gender identity card at the door- the best way I can explain it is alchemy.

The perfection of the Great Work involves bringing the disparate parts together as a whole- not deciding to cram all of the parts into one mold or another, not stripping them of their unique assets to force a fit. Because, fundamentally, you can’t. The ingredients are what they are, they combine how they combine, and it’s that synthesis- that perfect stew, the way the lemon reacts with the peaflower and the satisfying clink of ice, that brings the recipe together into something wonderful. The sheer amount of women-focused spaces and Divine Feminine workshops feels like drinking straight vanilla extract. There’s something missing.

In case anyone wants to put words in my mouth, I just want.... more. People can keep what they already have, but I feel like there’s something unbalanced. You don’t have to destroy what exists to make that balance- you can create, too. I’d be willing to, but even then- I don’t want it to be my project. I’m one person in the middle of nowhere. It’s more widespread than me, than here.

I’m not going to find a community of solely Levantine pagans, and even if I did I don’t think I’d want to. We’re too small, and even if we weren’t I think the best way to support the wheel of civilization is to get out there and talk to it. I want to talk to heathens. I want to talk to demigirls. I want to talk to furries, to Zoroastrians, to Catholic priests. I even, scandalously, want cishet men with dad bellies and sports hats at the tarot workshop. I wonder if they feel unwelcome like I do.

I’m flinging this completely unedited into the void, so! That’s all folks. Have a good one.

[astranite]

Blue, Pink, White, Pink, Blue.

Trans Penelope! A little late for @thunder-pride, but here none the less!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/48267592

Happy Rest of Year Pride for the end of Pride Month!

Minor warning for mentioned transphobia and homophobia. ----

From a young age, Penelope had been very insistent about who she was and what she wanted. The petal pink for the decorations in her room, not the lilac. Real tea should be served in her toy tea set, complete with matching cups and saucers. She couldn't possibly go to sleep without at least one more story.

She was a girl and her name was Penelope Creighton-Ward.

Penelope grew up into a woman who still has strong opinions about decor and tea— English breakfast with one sugar and a dash of milk of course, and a number of other things powerful people would rather she didn't.

Neither wealth nor fame nor status made you more valuable than anybody else. Human beings always mattered more than money, or possessions or any form of material goods. There were some in the circles she dealt with who could stand to learn this.

People should be able to love who they pleased openly, without fear or shame or condemnation. Everyone should have the freedom to be their truest self without having to hide.

The world had come a long way by 2060, but there were still a few dinosaurs clinging to their bigotry.

Penelope was vocally defensive of LGBTQIA+ rights. The British nobility wasn't historically known for its progressiveness, but it was her duty to use her status and wealth, which she’d had the good fortune of being born into, to take action and show support. When she had a platform where her voice was heard, it was her duty to amplify other’s voices.

Penelope stood by her word and morals, because standing up what she believed in was more than worth any attacks that came her way. Suggestions her actions were for appearances rather than a genuine desire to help. Comments from opponents about the validity of her womanhood, taunting remarks about the fact she also loved women, using any ammunition to attempt to bring her down when they felt threatened. Those individuals were torn apart as that sort of speech wasn't tolerated in these times.

She never flinched in public, because all the world is a stage and everyone is always watching. Any private hurt was hers alone.

Back in their university days, Penelope remembered snide whispers calling John, her John who loved so quietly and fiercely, heartless because he didn't desire a romantic relationship with anyone. Certain individuals found themselves in some, shall we say, difficulties after that.

She’d learnt so many things over the years. As a spy, sometimes secret meant safe and there was no less honor in that. As a diplomat, how honeyed words held daggers and the worst, most hateful ideas were always presented as reasonable, justifiable and a ‘nice’ option.

There were people in the world who wanted to make you small, who didn't like how you had opinions, how your existence was inconvenient to them. The school yard bullies who had the status to become boardroom corporate billionaires exploiting their workers. She learnt to deal with them, to show others how to stand up, be loud, to take up space because its yours, you deserve it just as much as anyone else.

Penelope remembered a quote from an old movie, which captured her so completely as a young girl. “Compromise where you can. Where you can't, don't. Even if everyone is telling you that something wrong is something right. Even if the whole world is telling you to move, it is your duty to plant yourself like a tree, look them in the eye, and say 'No, you move'.” She did her best to live up to Peggy Carter’s example to this day.

Being queer, being trans, the past was a story of pain and triumph, blood and tears. Their victories in the fight to have rights, and the sorrowful fact they had to fight for them in the first place. Atrocities and hate left marks, but so do love and hope, survival and joy. Their shared history was a rebellion, the first Pride a riot, but they lived on because of community who built each other up, love that chose to endure and so many people who, even quietly, even alone, refused to give up.

She was out and proud for both herself and everyone who was watching. This was who she is, she wasn’t ashamed, she celebrated it.

Penelope wondered what her younger self would say if she could see her now. To see who she had become, through all her uncertainty which had lurked below the surface, not as to who she was but as to who she could be.

Now, she held her head high: she could be that person for other little girls like her. For any people who needed her, a role model and an example to stand before the world for who you could be, especially for those who were lost and unsure, not knowing that this was a way you could be and it wasn't wrong.

There were so many ways to be a woman and this was hers.

[dykeomania]

i remember one of my first experiences reading tlou fics were with your writing as far back as late 2021/early 2022 (and if im misremembering when you first started writing, then you definitely fit in the early 2022 bracket hahaha). yours and others fics were things i looked forward to when i had some downtime. im white and always appreciated seeing fics specifically catered to black/POC fans and fics that never specified race, weight, gender expression, etc. it felt extremely inclusive to everyone involved and there was something for everyone to enjoy. i wont knock what others may be interested in because thats scummy and probably not what you want said on your behalf either, but these tags feel significantly less inclusive now and only fit the same exact mold of a hypothetical person involved with abby and/or ellie. its genuinely hard to come online and find anything worth reading because of how little diversity there is in whats being written. its far from what it used to be, hence why i still go back and read fics of yours and others from that time period. i am so sorry you and other black writers had to witness whats gone on recently. this is meant to be a safe space for queer people who enjoy tlou and fun little fantasies that should mean no harm to anybody. you guys do not deserve to have that tarnished and more needs to be done to change what this community has turned into.

i’ve like been thinking ab this and other asks that i’ve gotten expressing something like this because tbh, like,

i just,

idk i thought about it and like i don’t know really what to say. but, i do understand.

niche reader inserts are in fact, niche, yeah. (cont)

it’s really awkward when like the tag is filled with like, one specific perspective, and your personal experience or your desires just doesn’t click with that — like it relies a lot less on the sexual or romance aspect of things and more into bending into a particular role, a particular lens of desire and/or being desired, etc — and when it’s like one strain of that all of the time, people are bound to feel left out. right? (cont)

and it’s common sense, like that’s just how it is. like, back innnn idk early?????? mid???? ‘22, the tag was only filled with like dom!ellie fics. a big thing at that time was like, oh i wish there was more sub ellie fics, dadada, i’m a top, there’s nothing for me, and like, that was really real, and now we have more sub ellie stuff. cool. i think all of the shit that happened just speaks to the fact that not everyone can really like, vibe with certain things on here like that, and they would like to be able to. i dont think it’s appropriate to like shit on that vibe or anything like that, but it is a valid complaint to have. so, yeah, i’m really hoping that in light of all of this, more diversified content is added to the tag — not even pertaining to a particular race or ethnicity but things that just deviate from a particular aesthetic, trope, and other common things that are typically seen nowadays on the tag. that’s not to say that erasure is necessary because now you’re just dtm but like ideas get circumvented pretty quickly and tbh that’s not exactly harmful, but it’s nice that there is some change that is happening that’s allowing people to settle into something that’s comfortable for them. i’m not even saying this just cause you like my stuff, but i think what you + some other people are grated by is pretty valid and, yeah, i hope that when you do sift through the tag in the future that it’s easier for you to find a story that you can feel more comfortable in and it incentivizes you to come back.

and like, on the fuckin.. being black and being here thing as of rn thing…. hey. like, i mean….. the way i saw people telling black women how they should feel about like some black girl receiving racially motivated hate was absolutely nuts and the fact that people were either motivating others to either look past it or were trying to tell other people how they should feel about things / what they should do was. Sick. LMFAO. but i mean! hey. just… hey. juuustt….. yikes. and the way it’s (like random people policing black people on this app) still going is just so… ghetto i just….. yyyikes. little bit too comfortable, in that chair. i think that’s a bit of an understatement.

i just, yeah. i don’t have much to say. justtttt… justt.. just… yeah LMFAO

[pridepages]

Safe Spaces: Lavender House

I just finished Lavender House by Lev AC Rosen. I have thoughts...

Here there be spoilers!

Move over, Benoit Blanc! It’s been a banner year for queer detectives and while Rian Johnson has given us an icon for the silver screen, Lev AC Rosen has created one for the page in Evander “Andy” Mills, openly gay private eye and narrator of Lavender House. But while the Blanc mysteries are largely the fun kind of lampooning of our privileged and bigoted populations, Lavender House is more somber in tone and more reflective about the place of queer people in the United States.

Set in the 1950s, Lavender House introduces the reader to Andy Mills in the worst period of his life. Mills knows he’s gay, and has struggled through life hiding it first as a soldier and then as a police officer. In an era where gay people’s existences were explicitly criminalized, Mills has spent his career deftly sneaking around in underground gay bars and clubs to avoid detection. But one day, his luck runs out: forcibly outed in a raid, Mills knows life as he once knew it is over and he is officially and forever an outcast. He contemplates ending his life, but before he can he’s offered an unusual job...to find out the truth behind the sudden and mysterious death of the matriarch behind the famous Lamontaine soap empire. Escorted to the private home compound called, affectionately, ‘Lavender House,’ Mills meets an unusual family and must determine if any of them is a murderer.

The twist, naturally, is that every inhabitant of Lavender House is queer (hence the name, for people who know their history: lavender was a color code associated with gay culture). Victim Irene lived romantically with her ‘secretary’ (wife) Pearl. Irene had a son from a first marriage, called Henry, who is legally Married to Margo. However, Henry is truly partnered with his ‘secretary,’ Cliff, and Margo is partnered with her ‘friend,’ the notorious club owner, Elsie. Even the three staff members--two women who are partnered and one man who recognized Andy from the clubs--are also gay. In fact, the reason Mills is hired by Pearl is because he is pointed out to her as having been fired as a cop for being gay. In this private, moneyed estate, all of them can close the gates to shut out the eyes and the threats of the outside world. In Lavender House, they live as they choose. So Andy Mills discovers something in Lavender House he could only have dreamed about: a safe space.

The term ‘safe spaces’ has become a double-edged sword. On the one hand, all people who fall under the rainbow umbrella need and deserve spaces where we can feel free to be ourselves, to meet people like us, and to live feeling like we can breathe. All of us can probably remember having some moment like Andy, looking around at the life and the love he sees shared around him:

 “Elsie...dipping her slightly as they kiss. Margo is smiling the whole time. This is like how Cliff leans his head on Henry's shoulder. For them, it's the bickering, the flirting, that brings them closer. It's funny how many ways there are to show you're in love, and yet outside Lavender House, we never get to experience any of them.”

Home is supposed to be the place where we can retreat from the outside forces that condemn us, or silence us. It’s supposed to be a refuge where we can be our most free and honest selves. In that sense, a place like Lavender House probably seems more than a haven...it’s almost like paradise.

On the other hand, isolating ourselves is both limiting because it can create an echo chamber and because it creates boundaries between us and the wider world we deserve to live in. Andy sees some of the consequences firsthand: Cliff never leaves the estate, fearing recriminations from a vengeful bio family, and spends long, lonely hours practically isolated. The bars may be gilded, but Lavender House has become a cage. Even the most powerful member of the surviving family, heir Henry, has a complicated relationship to the self-imposed isolation of Lavender House. But his conclusion is that the pain is worth the protection. “Just because we know what we are, and we know what the world is, doesn't mean we can change anything about either of them...I never felt ashamed of who I was, but I felt a lot angrier outside this place.”

So is a safe space a heaven or a hell? Is a place like Lavender House the solution or does it create yet more problems for the people it’s supposed to protect? 

I think these are the wrong questions. I don’t think it’s about where you choose to plant your roots or how. The question is: who are you choosing to plant them with? 

In the 1950s, it would have been a mostly foregone conclusion that coming out meant becoming a pariah. So, many chose to bury that part of themselves deep in order to be able to remain part of their homes and their families. But Elsie has a point: “You can’t hide a part of yourself from people and still be their family. And if you share that part...well, most families tell you you’re not family, then anyway...now your real family is going to be the one you make of other people like you.”

Coming out is not a universal social death sentence today. But that doesn’t mean we automatically feel at home in the families or communities we are born into. Now as then, we look for places to find “companionship. Friends. Lovers. Family. We have to make these things for ourselves.”

Every member of the family agrees that Lavender House is worth saving, and that justice in their case must be nontraditional in order to protect the precious life they have created. Because the truth is that the bond between them shapes their world more than a fence ever could. Lavender House isn’t a haven because it’s a mansion exclusively full of queer people. It’s because Lavender House is a giant family of queer people who came together and choose every day to love and protect each other no matter what.

Maybe the reason we still struggle over safe spaces is because, like everything, we forget that no two people are exactly the same. The perfect safe space doesn’t look the same for everyone. While readers leave the Lavender House family strengthened in their renewed love and faith in each other, Andy Mills leaves them to seek a new adventure. Even though Andy is invited to join the Lavender House family, in the end he chooses not to: “I've seen what life can look like, even if the one here isn't the one I want. Maybe, though, they've shown me a door to something better. It might fail. I might fail. But at least I'll do it as myself.” Andy is finally able to recognize that there is a big world out there, full of people living all kinds of different lives despite the odds, and that bonds of love that form a community can be found in all kinds of places. He doesn’t have to settle for a place that isn’t his. He can build one of his own.

Home is more than the walls we live in. Home is in the people we share them with. And if we haven’t found the place we fit in the world yet, then we have to keep living, learning, and laying the foundations for the place where we will.

[unilightwrites]

writeblrs intro - the show is starting

Hi there! I'm Helen, the mind behind Unilight Writes - a blog I wanted to get out to actually do something with my writing. I think I'll be treating this as a safe space to motivate me to get the things I imagine out of my head and onto paper. Or a screen I guess. Semantics. Now, the last time I used Tumblr was years back when I was very much an angsty teen - I feel kind of confused and out of place but I hope to find a curious community here! And maybe send bullshit asks my friends' way. But hush. ANYHOW, not to drone on any longer - I enjoy and plan to work on some things during my... uh... stay? Yeah, let's roll with stay.

I'd love to share ideas and concepts that rattle around my brain with you all! I'm always up for discussions and questions, maybe some practice in going Random Bullshit, Go!. I'm looking for inspiration, whether it be phrasing, art, other creative expression or simply reading through works of storytellers. Gods only know how exhaustive is creativity. Characters. Just, characters. Making them alive, making them lovable or deserving of hate, evoking emotion through the creation of their mind. WORLDBUILDING. Don't get me even started! drafting and coming up with scenarios and little details for the worlds inside our heads is simply one of the best things ever. The dreaded word - WIP. I intend to share or showcase bits and pieces of my work that are stuffed so deep inside my mental closets that it's even deeper than I was before coming out. Anyhow - ill be leaving it out for you lot, whether you want it or not. That's my hubris right there, the true purpose of Unilight Writes Some general things about me: - I've always wanted to write and bring forward the stories of my imagination - but I think that to be a common thing among us here. Why write if you have nothing to say, why write if you don't want to. I did some writing when I was younger but I gave it up to focus more on school work. Guess what! school is not in the picture for the time being so here I go, doing what I love once again! - I'm rekindling a lot of old flames here. I started reading for pleasure again (right now I'm going through Memoirs of Lady Isabella Trent, a great pick for anyone who enjoys dragons and women in science, but make it victorian!) and relearned how to entertain the imagination in my head. I'd die for a nice fantasy book but I'm not that big on sci-fi. Anything in fantasy -low, high, medium, medieval, modern, whatever. Unless we're talking SJM, I'm out the second there is harp music in my spicy scenes. - I'm pretty interested in random Wikipedia bullshit, researching nonsense topics, and drawing inspiration from folklore and cultures I have yet to fully experience. - Music-wise I'm bordering all subgenres of folk - indie, rock, alt. Anything is fair game, to be honest - I'm all for DnD. If you play it? Amazing. If you don't? Welcome to my table, young one, lets's go on an adventure. I love how expressive it is and the degree of creativity you can have around it. - I'm trying to learn cardistry. Honestly, I'm rather shit at it but I'm doing my best and it's absolutely exhilarating. Doing all those little card tricks and shuffles is a great way to actually let my mind wander and come back with solutions instead of panic. - I absolutely ADORE piercings and tattoos, they're the main part of my everyday aesthetic (plus, if you have a nice sketch of a duck in a burglar outfit that's stealing a pack of cigarettes, please please hit me up, I want that tattooed) - I use she/they pronouns and consider myself queer - putting a label has helped me a lot in the early parts of my self-actualization but now I'm just as confused as back then and I can't be bothered to do anything about it. Now, seeing as all three pre-play rings did their thing - lets have a seat and glance upon the absolute bastard of a child my brian came up with: "The Grand Circus" It's currently my one and only work in progress. It's very much still in the preliminary steps of development, but it's there! The novel will follow the life of Varadia - a person living in a world filled to the brim with magickal creatures taken from a fair share of different cultures and belief systems. Ever since being a wobbly child, she wanted to join the Grand Circus - a troupe of travelling artists that showcase all around the continent. And now after years of self-training, she will get the chance to audition. But as always, there are a lot of political intrigues and people being not quite who they seem to be. With a double layer to everything, she'll have to navigate a wide world she hasn't seen before, alone save for her newfound family - other performers